I am a single woman and have been for most of my life, except for brief periods. My younger years were fraught with men hitting on me and this became the norm for me; I had no idea of how to just be with men.
I felt as though men viewed me based on my physical appearance only. I played up to this, only perpetuating the treatment I received. In fact, if I am honest, I can say that I wanted that kind of attention from men. It felt good (or so I thought) and I based a lot of my self-worth on the fact that I had plenty of attention from men.
I played the ice queen though, and after hooking men in, I would then reject them. In fact, I’d already rejected them long before. It felt good that men liked me but I wasn’t interested in them. All of this was done on an energetic level, without anything physical taking place. It has taken huge amounts of honesty to realise that this was what I had been doing.
During this time I never understood how I could have so much attention from men, but not from any of the men I was interested in. The way I was engaging with men didn’t allow for any real connection to develop. I was rarely myself with a man and I was playing a not-so-nice energetic game – it didn’t leave much of an opening for any kind of true relationship.
At some point I began to tire of this game and it started to feel pretty yuck to me. Of course at this stage I blamed it all on men. I was sick of being treated and only seen as a sexual object. I dealt with this by shutting myself off from men and thinking that they were revolting in the most part. The only males I would interact with would be friends’ partners and clients: I considered them ‘safe’ but even then I kept them at arm’s length and did not really trust them.
Fast forward to the present day and I have stopped playing this game. I am more aware of the energy that I am responsible for and more aware of what I am projecting towards men. Once I changed the way I behaved around men, how I was as a woman with men, and I clearly no longer wanted to be seen or objectified for my looks and sexuality, men no longer treated me that way. If they did, it simply didn’t go far.
This led to the next step – I no longer have huge amounts of sexual energy thrown at me. This may sound strange, but I had to adjust to this and my self-worth went under the microscope.
I was so used to having men attracted to me and letting me know, that I started to feel like I was unattractive or that something was wrong with me.
No wonder men treat women this way, if this is what women are expecting and wanting. Women are often asking men to treat them this way, and when they don’t, we can begin to feel worthless.
I now live in a community where men see me as a woman: I feel loved and adored just for being me, with no sexual undertones. Men treat me very respectfully and it is ‘me’ who is seen first – the person I am. I no longer need the attention from men as I am learning to be responsible for my own self-worth, not relying on others to fill that cup.
I now wear shorter skirts and tighter clothes and I do so because I want to enjoy it for myself and not because I want attention.
Men can be their gorgeous tender selves around me, as I am no longer playing a sneaky energetic game. I’m discovering friendships with men and that is something that was not possible before. Learning to just be with men and be myself is all fairly new to me. I am not perfect and I sometimes catch myself playing old tricks, but I’m more aware now. It’s also new for me to discover how tender, caring and sensitive men truly are when we allow them the space to be themselves without our own imposition.
Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women. Neither one has to wait for the other to make a change – both a man and a woman have the power to make great changes.
The changes in how I am as a woman have been inspired by the presentations and teachings of Natalie Benhayon and Serge Benhayon.
By Anonymous
Further Reading:
Making a relationship about true love
Sexual Energy – What is it?
Learning To Love Women And Men
When we honour and respect ourselves this is the reflection we offer to others.
What a waste of time it is to understand who we are when if we were taught from young to connect to our essences then we naturally bring a depth to every relationship that allows us to evolve.
Greg I agree if we lived in a world where we were supported to live from our essence then the depth and quality we could bring to all relationships would be immense, beyond words and this would completely change our world because there would be no hurts. Currently we have the complete opposite we have a way of living that is built on hurts and rejection and to me the byproduct of all this is abuse. We live in an abusive society why do we allow this?
Energetic responsibility for everything, so our awareness of how still we can be, then share this amazing quality of stillness so we can relate to all others in the most Loving ways.
In order for me to be myself with men I had to deepen my connection to myself and let go of the layers of protection that kept me isolated for so long. Allowing this to unfold has been a revelation and also a joy and proves that there is no need for games when we are true to ourselves.
Learning new ways of being takes time, so it’s important to be patient and accepting of ourselves, ‘ I am not perfect and I sometimes catch myself playing old tricks, but I’m more aware now.’
We cannot demand nor expect respectful and decent relationships if that is not the foundation of our own self-relationship first.
By being totally honest with yourself now you can see what games were at play in your life, ‘I played the ice queen though, and after hooking men in, I would then reject them. In fact, I’d already rejected them long before. It felt good that men liked me but I wasn’t interested in them.’ With awareness we can make new loving choices.
It is amazing how much we can sense when we meet someone, for example, do we approach each other with hardness and protection, a need to be liked, have an agenda or do we have an openness, approach with equality and love? I find when I meet someone with an openness, they tend to be more open with me too.
I struggled with relationships with men for many years. In fact, looking back I can see that the reason for the struggle was that I had no idea who I actually was, with this confusion obviously flowing on out to whoever I was with; they didn’t know who I was either. What a difference the choice to get to know yourself makes, not just to you but to everyone you are with.
So true Ingrid, I have found the same for me too. The more I feel comfortable and at ease with myself the more comfortable and at ease I am with others. By deepening my love for myself this has a flow-on effect in all my relationships and it is very beautiful to witness these changes and how they enrich my life more and more every day.
When we meet men and women as equals and are open to friendship this is the foundation for a relationship to blossom.
When we meet others with love, the love within us expands because love is not to be held onto but shared with all to make space for more love to come through us to be expressed.
The games we play in relationships fuelled from our need for attention, acceptance and as a distraction from our lack of self-worth is actually an abuse to the love we already are, and the love that is there for us to explore, deepen and evolve back to together. We have a responsibility as to what quality we bring or offer to any relationship; is it one of honouring the love we are or not?
When we don’t allow someone the space to be themselves we will never change the way we are with each other. We can only see someone for who they are when we let go of our idea, image, hurt, etc that pollute our view and also has an effect on how we see and treat ourselves. Space for another means we first have to feel the space within our own bodies.
When we call out the games and energy at play, it really does shift things. Such is the case here – but our role in this is to not see the individual here – and to not go into self-doubt as this then feeds the same energy of attraction.
There really is no difference between men and women, neither want to be hurt and both want to be accepted and loved for who they are. As such, and without the education that we are to find that relationship with ourselves before we find it with anyone else, we play absurd games. There comes a moment though, as you have experienced, when we meet someone who will no longer play that game but who also inspires a more true way and it is at that point we have an opportunity to unpeel and heal to be that inspiration and reminder for others.
Like you wrote what happens to men and women is actually based on ‘supply and demand’: each of the parties actually get what they want. And when one or the other shifts that to being open to connection and is willing to look at their part in the game things can change.
This is so true, both men and women need to take responsibility for how we view and treat each other for it is time we all stopped playing the silly games we play and all moved forward in an open transparent way.
This is so true Kev because at the end of the day we all miss out on the opportunity to feel the depth of who we are in truth. I now know many gorgeous guys who are letting their guard down these days and it feels a privilege to have the opportunity to feel that as a woman. Otherwise, we can go through life believing a false image of what men are and not trusting each other.
Being open, honest and transparent with each other makes so much sense, and is a basis for building a loving relationship.
In the past I have always blocked men and never been open to them, now I have men coming into my life who are very gorgeous and loving, it takes some adjusting for me to get used to being around them. To learn to let go of how it has been in the past and fully accept how it is now.
Love how honest this is – and also how confirming it is. Not that I’ve ever had men take great interest in me – I had a fiesty exterior- I now don’t have any which I have put down to being older but what I’m realising is that I approach people on a connection level so there is little room to go to for anything else. I can also relate to feeling worthless but then realised the energy of being lusted after and objectified just felt yuck so why would I want that?
‘Women are often asking men to treat them this way, and when they don’t, we can begin to feel worthless.’
I have experiences the other side of this dynamic explained by Anon. above, where I had treated girls I met at University with a lot of respect and honouring of them, but was sometimes rejected in favour of another guy who treated that girl horribly and disrespectfully, as if the girl did not feel like she deserved someone who would truly connect and honour her based on a lack of self-worth.
It is only when we are willing to let go of the games that we play for recognition whilst being unwilling to give ourselves the attention that we crave that we can start to build true relationships with others and expose the sexual energy that pollutes so many exchanges and is so damaging for society.
Those ‘games we play for recognition’ are so damaging but absolutely rife in society. It just goes to show that most of us, for whatever reason, have never been met for who we truly are and instead go looking for the attention we are craving in every other direction except within ourselves. For it is when we turn our search within and begin to develop a relationship with the wonderful being we are that we begin to heal the emptiness that drives those games.
Thank you for exposing the games that women play whilst blaming men for reacting to the sexual energy that is being given out. I was brought up to believe that ‘men can’t be trusted’ which meant that I often shut down when around men and actually didn’t trust myself to feel what was true and what didn’t feel right. Recently I have been opening up to others and without the hurts that I have nursed and protected for so long coming between us I am now exploring more honest and loving relationships with both men and women. Having frequently retreated to my isolated cave whenever life got intense I am enjoying exploring being part of life and just being with men without expectations and pictures of how it should be.
I appreciate your honesty in this, to share that you used this attention to ‘get off on’ and feel better about yourself and then when this wasn’t there to have to build worth in yourself- a great lesson indeed. It is admirable when people speak with this level of openess as we can all learn from it.
I have played this same game completely oblivious to the fact that I was hooking men with sexual energy and acting surprised when it was thrown back at me in ways I didn’t like. I blamed men for this and never considered the part I played in what went on. This does not absolve men from the often revolting way they interact with women but it goes a long way to explaining why so many relationships between men and women are strained. I see men in a whole new light now and feel more love and mutual respect with men than ever before.
I find it very interesting how I have a picture of how a woman needs to be for me and, similar to Anonymous, I have already rejected them dampening any possibility of a potential. The picture dismantles the responsibility of holding and deepening the connection with being intimate and tender with myself first. So, there comes a time where you have to love yourself first so true love can be developed and expanded.
I like the way through the simplicity of accepting not to be treated this way no more it brought you to the acceptance of more of the truth of you as a woman. This is the power of acceptance and allowing where you should be to manifest.
Recognition and acceptance from the outside never works, we have to bring it back to loving and valuing ourselves, ‘I no longer need the attention from men as I am learning to be responsible for my own self-worth, not relying on others to fill that cup.’
“to discover how tender, caring and sensitive men truly are when we allow them the space to be themselves without our own imposition.” A discovery that offers us the opportunity to equally be who we naturally are.
How many women complain or react or generally find it unpleasant to have conversations with men that come with a sexual under or overtone? I know I have many a time. And how many of them have the honesty to say “In some ways I have asked for/wanted that attention” for whatever her reasons may be. The self reflection being offered here is huge.
The fact is we are all so super tender, delicate, sweet and deeply sensitive beings and when we feel that this natural essence is not the accepted way of the majority we play all kinds of silly games to hide and protect ourselves. All the while the entire world misses out of experiencing the emanation of our light.
Relationships of quality with others will always be founded on the quality of the relationship we have with ourselves.
“Women are often asking men to treat them this way, and when they don’t, we can begin to feel worthless.” This really resonates with me, and although I feel this far less than ever before, I have been more aware of it recently as I approach my 50s and am a mature elder women in society. I’ve been noticing how the way I’ve been thinking about myself due to the beliefs I’ve taken on about women of my age and older, I’ve been wanting to feel attractive to men. It’s a subtle game but one that is incredibly controlling and manipulative. It takes me out of my beautiful divine essence into the realm of physicality and attraction – from the deep to the superficial where energy just circulates round and round and nothing can evolve.
It is beautiful to feel how when we are with our selves, love, honor and appreciate who we are we have no need to incite attraction or seek attention, as instead we are open to simply meet another with equal respect and the love of truly connecting.
“It’s also new for me to discover how tender, caring and sensitive men truly are when we allow them the space to be themselves without our own imposition.” Beautiful to read how you turned your old power play around. However it takes two to play the game. When we feel full inside ourselves we have no need to seek attention from outside.
Any game playing between men and women is just avoiding being open to the true connection that is always available.
Love your direct and matter of fact delivery of this Heather. And you’re spot on of course!
This is a great blog to realise that these things that play out between men and women always are an interaction between the man and woman, never something that is to blame on any gender. Also that making a change is possible for both genders and not to be expected from any single one in particular.
It is true we can feel in great detail where another person is at and so do others and how they approach us can be a detailed reflection of what we put out, whether conscious or unconscious. This is a beautiful blog.
The only way to truly stop playing ‘games’ is to heal the hurts that cripple us
I love the honesty of your blog anonymous and the equal responsibility it asks of us. Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women. In truth we all simply want to be seen and met for who we are, image free.
The games that happen in relationships only exist because we accept anything less than true love, even though it is love that makes the relationships the most gorgeous and deeply joyful and evolving experiences they can be.
It is so true, we don’t need to wait, we can both be the change we want to see in society and our behaviour towards each other. Getting our self-esteem from inside rather than outside ourselves will help this process enormously.
“It’s also new for me to discover how tender, caring and sensitive men truly are when we allow them the space to be themselves without our own imposition.” This is so true Anonymous, and it is a big responsability to be aware of.
To indulge in any recognition from the outside is simply an an excuse to delay evolution. Calling sexual energy out for what it is knowing it is not them but an energy passing through them and understanding why I chose to create situations where there was sexual energy coming towards me and allowing it to enter my body is supporting me greatly in letting go of the need for attention from men in my life.
Attraction, then rejection, and then blame is a sexual game often played by women with men, the game of looking outside of oneself for one’s own self worth. To learn to take responsibility for our own choices is the first step to reclaiming who we are, and in that claiming we need not go outside for our worth for we can feel and connect to it within. Time to see men for who they truly are, deeply tender and sensitive beings.
It will be a great day when men and women stop playing all their silly games and just get on with being the true beautiful people we all are and we do all have a role to play in making this happen. We certainly still have a long way to go in a lot of areas though.
I like your comment Kevin, haha it’s true… why not just be the true beautiful beings we are without the theatrics. It is great to expose the games we have played.
What you shared about allowing men the space to share their tender, sensitive nature stood out to me. So often the conversations around the mistreatment of women comes from the woman being a victim of the man, but what if the way we as women are with men that is unloving denatures them that then act out what we don’t like in the world? The so-called ‘gender war’ is not us vs them it’s a co-conspired arrangement to avoid calling each other to the beauty that we innately are.
Great blog showing how true change comes from within and it is how we feel and express from the love that we have for ourselves that enables us to live more solidly in the world
Yes, it shows how others treat us quite differently the moment we change or even the moment we treat ourselves differently. This is a great opportunity for us.
We can all tell when someone is ‘putting it on’ so others can tell when we too are not being our true selves. When we drop the charade and be who we naturally are with everyone, men, women and children, then they too can respond by being who they are with no protection or pretence.
Your blog is so honest and that is very refreshing. It is true, the way we choose to be with others and what we accept governs what we get back from them as well. So it is important to ask and claim what we want to come to us and not accept anything less.
‘Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women. Neither one has to wait for the other to make a change – both a man and a woman have the power to make great changes.’ And I would add we all have a role to play in how society views and treats men. Men are just like women not living who they truly are, we all need to become honest about the roles we have played and how we demanded from each other to change instead of building a loving relationship with ourselves which is the foundation of any relationship we have in the world.
Beautifully said Annelies: “Men are just like women not living who they truly are” thus it is pointless to point a finger to the one gender who is ‘wrong’ or to blame. If we would like a change we have to start with ourselves.
Coming back to the original meaning of relationships and so our relationships with men equally to women brings out such big important point – that we are equal. And we can say we have made it all but not that. So to hear you share about the original meaning I can also sense in my life and around me what is and has been going on in all of our relationships; lack of union. Union in ourselves and together. When you share this about playing games in the past, we can equally say that maybe a lot if not all people recognize themselves in this game in one way or the other.. and that by becoming aware of this game we play, we can sense the love we lack (are missing). And so our path of return is set.. Thank you Anonymous.
In the past I was not open to men at all, I was very guarded almost scared of men or being rejected by them. I have been shifting this through having amazing men in my life who I deeply trust and who are very tender. This is teaching me to see that underneath certain behaviours all men have these qualities and I am more able to see this now.
The more women claim their delicate, tender, sweet, nurturing, fragile, loving nature the more men can be their tender, caring selves. The more the men be their tender and caring selves the more women can surrender to their innate qualities. we support each other when we live true to ourselves.
Yes I love this May-Louise – no needs on either side, just our gorgeous selves.
So beautifully true, just being ourselves is the most precious thing we can be and allows the other to do the same. If we play games we attract the same also.
Anonymous this is a seriously honest blog and so needed to be talked about and bring to our awareness. That we all play a part in how we are treated both men and women – the energetic games we play and then blame each other. But underneath it all its a game of protection, a protection from going into the waters of love, because it seems we connect love and hurt as the one and same which is far from it. Love does not hurt, when we move away from love that hurts.
this says it all and I love this statement
“Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women. Neither one has to wait for the other to make a change”
‘I am more aware of the energy that I am responsible for and more aware of what I am projecting towards men…’, Anonymous writes. I wonder if our energetic reactions and dynamics can be carried over from one lifetime to the next (assuming we take on board the possibility of reincarnation)? If so, this could explain on the one hand why unwanted and abusive attitudes and behaviours can be seen in the very young, and on the other, the fact that very young children can be abused themselves. The cycle of ‘victim’ or ‘perpetrator’ is simply carried forward to be perpetuated until the individual is able to break it for themselves.
We are never not a part of the situations we seemingly ‘find ourselves in’ or ‘just happen’ to us, as the subtle dynamic Anonymous played out in her dealings with men illustrates for us here.
“I now live in a community where men see me as a woman: I feel loved and adored just for being me, with no sexual undertones. Men treat me very respectfully and it is ‘me’ who is seen first – the person I am. I no longer need the attention from men as I am learning to be responsible for my own self-worth, not relying on others to fill that cup.” When I read this part, I had a real stop moment of appreciating myself and the changes I’ve made and also that there are men I know who have also made changes. It has been a gradual process and now is how it is, so at times taken for granted, but it is worth remembering how I used to be and appreciating what I now bring. Thank you.
This sneaky energetic game is a consequence that happens when awareness is put to back ground, and so we are left at the mercy and the whim of energetic intentions that may not actually be our own. Seeing how this plays out between us as men and as women is enough to bring the whole world to a stop, but it doesn’t. Mainly I guess because we each have our own journey to make in becoming more aware of the games we each can play and the consequences of them.
Yes, too many investments and agreements that would fall apart before we are ready. Being responsible and accountable for what we are ‘putting out’ in the world is a bigger contribution to change than we are often ready to appreciate.
This is a great line ‘Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women.’ Very true many women complain about the abuse and disrespectful behaviour of men yet do little to stop it. Becoming responsible and calling out abuse in any form is what is needed to bring true healing to how women are treated in society, to love and appreciate who we are is key to starting this process.
How we are with people is a direct reflection of what is going on for us. Blame is a great way to realise that a disconnection has happened from our true and loving selves well before the issue or situation occurs.
When we stop playing games with ourselves and start living the fullness of who we are – the games and issues we have with others, be it men or women or friends and partners, also drop away. We are given the clarity we need to read situations and respond with truth rather then the lies or old behaviours.
Brilliant blog that I am sure many women and men can relate to .. I certainly can, especially the energetic games being played out … so incidious and yuk. Reflecting on this I can now see how this actually confirms how we bring unresolved hurts and issues, particularly re relationships, from past lives into the next one. When I was younger many times I would wonder why I was behaving why I was and I couldn’t find (er … or didn’t want to see!) the true reason for this. A lot has been healed for me now with great thanks to the teachings, presentations, courses and support from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine ✨
“It’s also new for me to discover how tender, caring and sensitive men truly are when we allow them the space to be themselves without our own imposition.” This is an inspiring fact to experience…I can relate how disconnected I was with men and how many games I used to attract them in the past to get the recognition and to prove my worth. Today I’m starting to connect with them without any imposition or judgment, just observing where I am at and naturally be all of me with them. This is not about being perfect but to take the full responsibility to choose a true foundation of love in my relationships. I feel there is much more to connect and to share openly with men and women to nominate and to let go all that blocks the true connection between us.
Spot on we both men and women have the power to change old ingrained beliefs and ideals that we have about each other and ourselves. When we bring it back to ourselves and how we feel and look at our part in the dysfunctional way that we live with each other then we start to see our responsibility that is needed in this for it to change. Breaking down all the pictures that we have of each other and of ourselves creates space for us to be who we are and enjoy this with each other.
Oh the silly games both men and women play when all we really, truly need is love and true connection. As a man I feel sometimes I get judged by some women as being a man, just the same as every other man that they may have had bad experiences with. Being able to feel the true intentions behind someone is a good tool so everyone is not placed under the same umbrella.
You are very right about both men and women having a responsibility to be the change we want to see, it is irresponsible to continue blaming others for where we find ourselves. To do this the personal responsibility for what we are giving out energetically has to be considered.
“Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women. ” this is so true it is about all of us men and women taking responsibility in how we are with ourselves and each other. It is through this the energetic integrity is felt.
Thank you Anonymous for a very honest sharing, the game is often played by both male and female, it is interesting how we put out, what we don’t want to come back. Once the game is seen and felt for what it is, a true choice comes, a choice to claim the loveliness we truly are in all ways and share this with both male and female alike.
“During this time I never understood how I could have so much attention from men, but not from any of the men I was interested in.” I can very much relate to this, not particular on the subject of male attention but other parts of life. I thought that was just the way life was. Realising that how we are in life does create the life that comes back to us is huge and glorious too as it gives the ultimate freedom to choose.
The quality we live in is so huge. You describe here how you wear shorter skirts and tighter clothes now but it is in celebration of you and not to get attention from men. This is a huge shift and shows there is always going to be 2 ways of doing things, it either supports us or it does not. Throwing ourselves at men to get attention, although a very common practice, means we lose ourselves in the process. To totally expose this and stay true to what we feel is very admirable and I can see how much of a difference this brings to the male/female relationship.
Yes Hannah. A big amount of honesty is needed to expose all these games towards men. But how freeing it is when we look that there is another way to being with them, just honouring and appreciating first the beautiful and amazing women we are. Then we can share with them in full without any imposition, pictures or expectations.
This certainly puts a new perspective of catcalling etc. Not to say that it is acceptable for men to treat women as sex objects (clearly it is not) but it is important to see that we all have a part to play in the way things are. There is a set up running for both men and women – how lovely to read an article that acknowledges this rather than encouraging a taking of sides.
I have noticed that its not longer about relationships with a particular sex but relationships with all that deserve equal attention and a willingness to foster understanding, love and willingness to let go of any protection.
Anonymous this is a very important and powerful blog you’ve written. These games you describe are age-old really and are the responsibility of both men and women equally I agree. I can very much relate to what you’ve shared, playing a very similar game for many years, to the detriment of all relationships with men in particular. Understanding that I got this attention because I WANTED IT, was key… yes men can choose not to play the game, to see through it, and plenty do, but if not for the need, the hooking energy is not at play.
Putting on clothes that we feel support us and not because of our need for attention from another is so beautiful and empowering. This is changing for me too placing importance on how comfortable my clothes and shoes are instead of what they look like. Applying make up too is also changing in that when I apply make up I do it because I enjoy being with myself in this way; it feels very different to applying it in order to seek attention from another.
I love what you have shared in your blog Anonymous; yes we all need to take responsibility for the energy we emanate and the choices we make.
We can only change our own behaviour in a relationship not coerce or control another to change. Powerful lessons for us all, thank you.
Thank you anonymous for your pure and honest sharing. I can relate to much of what you write about. I had no clue how to build a true relationship with a man. I still have much to learn but I feel an openness to support myself lovingly every step of the way.
What a great turnaround of your relationship with men. ‘I now live in a community where men see me as a woman: I feel loved and adored just for being me, with no sexual undertones. Men treat me very respectfully and it is ‘me’ who is seen first – the person I am. I no longer need the attention from men as I am learning to be responsible for my own self-worth, not relying on others to fill that cup.’
As babies we are so pure and connected to what is. As we grow up, the dis-connection to ourselves is one of the first things that is imposed upon us. In one degree or another the adult world cannot handle this reflection or the responsibility of it. So through reflection and behaviours we grow not as soul-full people, but be gauged by the limitations of illusions. In the many individual and varying degrees that it plays out.
the games we play…
“Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women” This is so true we have often got caught up in blaming one another which does nothing but makes matters worse.
“It’s also new for me to discover how tender, caring and sensitive men truly are when we allow them the space to be themselves without our own imposition”. Lately I am so much enjoying the tenderness in the men I meet. Even though some of them are really doing their best to hide it, I just look over their wall of protection and connect to what is truly there. If we look beyond the hurt and protection, there is pure gold and somebody there who just like me wants to be met.
Its fascinating to consider that how we hold and carry ourselves affects the behaviour of others towards us, this carries way beyond men and women into every relationship we have. I know for sure that having not valued myself in the past that others have chosen to do likewise and also the opposite can happen where if you have self assuredness someone may wish to try and strike this down. Through all these experiences the only consistency we an offer I feel is to be ourselves and not shape or mould ourselves to fit in with another person or society’s ideals.
In particular I loved this part, “Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women. Neither one has to wait for the other to make a change – both a man and a woman have the power to make great changes.”, equality from the start.
Great blog with such honesty, Anonymous! Thank you for your sharing. As women, I feel it is quite a common thing to fall into the behaviours such as the manipulation and game playing that goes on between men and women. There is a huge trend of objectification of women and sexualisation of women, rather than being seen for who we are and the respect, care and adoration that we deserve to give ourselves, as well as receive from those around us. The key in what you have shared is the responsibility that we all hold in allowing this relationship to change. We all have the power to stop playing the games and bring back a true way of relating with men – when this happens is up to us. As you have shared, this can be a process of accepting things, seeing things differently and having to work on our own self worth etc – but beautiful things come to those who genuinely work on themselves.
“Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women”-
So true. When we start to appreciate ourselves more and live in a way that honours who we are, we are then more likely to treat others with respect, honesty and be more open hearted.
So true Loretta, and we can also be a true reflection for other women in the world if we honour ourselves in this way.
Huge topic Anonymous and I understand why you withheld your name – the truth is we all play this game being either a man or a woman. It goes to show how much we know about each other energetically. I am a man but I know how to be for a women. Being a man and concentrating how to be for a women for me was like shooting yourself in the foot. Most relationships are based on fulfilling where we are not being that for ourself. If I focused on building my relationship with myself then it compliments any love I receive back from a women. You are then faced with the opposite sex loving you and not needing you as Anonymous reflects on. Relationships are really beautiful and the foundation of life. I appreciate any opportunity I can to nurture, care and love me for who I am for that is the love I am will receive.
Great article Anonymous, thank you. I can relate in part to the game you describe for I have played it in the past too. You are correct when you say both men and women have a role to play in the projection sexual energy towards women. This strikes me as interesting in light of another social phenomenon – sexual violence towards women. Are there roles both men and women play in this scenario too; an extent to which women invite it into their lives, unable to claim their true power? Whilst sexual violence towards women can never be condoned, it might not be a one-way street either. This might not be a popular view, but it is worth considering.
Victoria, what you say can be very hard for some to hear, as it asks us as women to really question the way we are with men and the way we are with ourselves as women. To be in a relationship where there is any kind of violence or any kind of disrespect for that matter (even raising our voices or giving the ‘stink eye’ to someone, or shutting them out by not talking to them), shows me that there is a degree of this that we have to first accept, for otherwise we would walk away from it and never look back. So what is it that we accept and what is it that we get from such relationships? Could it be that we accept a false lack of self worth that then leads to accepting violence and disrespect? And could it be, like anonymous presented in the blog above, that this can be because as women we crave attention because we don’t take the time to love ourselves or take responsibility for the powerful beings that we really are? When you really consider things, it is crazy to see what we allow in our lives – all the while, we are actually powerful enough to change things completely.
Hello Victoria and I agree. We need to step lightly into this subject but at the same time what you are saying is my experience. We are all responsible for our actions, thoughts and movements. Saying one side should change without bringing equal awareness to another just doesn’t make sense. No one truly asks for violence but at the same time there maybe behaviours that walk you into the street without you even seeing them.
Thank you for your honesty. It is very refreshing.
Men have a responsibility to be true to themselves as women do. The more we let down the guards and let each other in instead of playing the conquering games… the closer we will become to understanding the delicateness we both have within. It just starts with one.
A decade or so ago we heard ‘men are from Mars and women are from Venus’ – that we are both very different creatures – and for a while I bought into that. But it never felt totally true and today I struggle to see much difference between men and women at all aside from the obvious physical characteristics. What I do see is that both men and women have developed stereotypical behaviours and personas that keep us in the illusion of difference and separation. As you say here Kathryn each is as delicate as the other – just as we were when we were babies, before socialisation and the momentums of our previous lives kick in.
Over the time I was in a long term relationship, the conversations that were had with other women that were married was a kind of us and them scenario, and only appreciating their partners when they were able to give them something or be good for something. And I hate to admit it, but I would enjoin them if I wanted to be a part of the conversation. All we were really doing is diverting the focus away from looking at the choices we were making in our lives that we didn’t want to address.
And perpetuating stereotypes about the way men and women relate and how they are in the world…. fostering separation.
“I now wear shorter skirts and tighter clothes and I do so because I want to enjoy it for myself and not because I want attention.” Enjoying what you wear never needs to be about any one else if you enjoy wearing it we all get to feel the enjoyment. If on the other hand clothes are worn to attract attention it feels completely different , there is a feeling of intensity from the need to be seen and liked and there is no enjoyment felt.
That’s a great observation Alison, there is an intensity in the attention seeking scenario. Women can definitely use clothes and looks to hook others in and I can see how apt the word ‘hooker’ when considered in this light. In truth, many of us would have to say we too have been hookers, even if not literally so.
Thanks for the honest blog anonymous, awesome to read about the realisation you have come to
What an interesting topic, and something that plays out in nearly all interactions..this energetic play of games, that unless we are being truly honest with ourselves, we do not even realise we are playing. What you have shown is that the energetic law of attraction works this way too. Surely this is what we should be taught at school to help us and support us to understand what energy we are choosing and putting out there in each moment?
These days it feels really empowering as I am now able to say NO to the sexual passes that in the past I would fall for, because now I know that I am worth more and I don’t want that feeling of doing something that just leaves me feeling used and empty. Growing up in the Caribbean as the only white girl in my class, I had heaps of attention so when that stopped I remember wondering if I had become ugly overnight but now I can actually feel how sexually laced all that attention was and how it was void of love, but I spent a lot of my life just wanting the attention and selling myself short to get it. No one else is to blame but me, because I am the one who accepted that. Ouch.
Growing up in a mostly Anglo world I was one of many and thus it became about comparison and competition – an equally ugly scenario with the same end result: wanting attention and selling myself short to get it. Wherever we find ourselves it seems we all perpetuate (and accept) something far less that who we truly are. Women, what are we doing to ourselves?
Thank you anonymous for telling it as it is. The less we use sexual energy as something to validate ourselves or as an excuse to hide our light, the less we attract it back and the more we can then begin to explore love in all our relationships.
Each one of us has the power to change everything, when we fully accept the responsibility of truth in our living way.
The games we play – wanting to reject before we can be rejected so we don’t get hurt; wanting to feel superior to the other, so that we don’t have to grow, shift and change – Urrggh! I have felt the ugliness of this and ‘fessed up and I am so glad these no longer feature in my relationships. The path towards true relationship with ourselves and others is so very worth every uncomfortable moment along the way.
One of the countless ways in which Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have unalterably changed our lives towards the truth we are returning to, of living in Brotherhood, is to shake up and awaken our view of who men really are so that we can stop playing these ridiculous games that we are conditioned to play and blindly perpetuate. When all along, we have men, in all of their tenderness, strength and love there in front of us, just waiting for us to drop the protection and let them feel our womanly warmth and grace.
The perpetual ‘gender game’ that we play with each other here on Earth is a reflection of the divinity we have chosen to depart from. That is, we see ourselves as separate and different to each other as men and women because we live with a ‘great divide’ within ourselves. At the core of who we are (Soul), there is no single gender for we are made in the image of Thy Father and as such are both the perfect expression of the femaleness (stillness) and the maleness (motion). Yet here we live on Earth in these forms of flesh, warring and playing games with each other to hide the simple truth that we are at war within ourselves. That is, we are living recklessly out of balance in a state of endless motion in order to sustain the illusion that we live under and further delay our return to the truth that is first found in the living stillness within. Healing our issues with the opposing gender is a much needed first step in healing the ‘gender issues’ we each carry deep within. Likewise, healing the divide within us will help heal the seeming divide we have with others.
Yes Liane great point. There is no single gender in heaven and therefore our balance is made up of both stillness and motion.
Healing the divide within is our next step in evolution.
Through honesty, the waywardness of the human spirit is exposed. And through the commitment to live truth, to the best of our ability, the spirit is dissolved back to the one true light, our body of love that is our Soul. This blog is powerful because of the level of honesty and transparency the author is willing to go to in order to arise out of a loveless momentum that was holding her back. In this way, bit by bit and step by step, we are able to reclaim all that we are, so that we can say goodbye to all that we are not. If we each choose to walk in this way, then before too long, our natural way, which is love, will be reinstated as our one true way of living.
In order to reject another, we need to first reject ourselves. But it can also be said that in order to love another, we need to first love ourselves. With this in mind, it becomes very clear to see that our ‘issues’ with humanity begin very close to home.
Liane that is a beautiful comment and also so revealing ” to see that our ‘issues’ with humanity begin very close to home.” If more people would choose to face this fact our world would definitely look different.
Yes Liane and we spend lifetimes running from “our ‘issues’ with humanity begin very close to home”. In fact you could say we base a whole world on our ‘running’. As you are saying, and equally it’s the same as my experience, anything we see or want from the world first begins with how we are with ourselves, our quality. We can continue to walk down the same road and pay the mortgage and retire or we can have a look at truly what life is about, living a true quality of life with ourselves first and then this goes out to everyone. It’s never too ‘late’ to make a change.
I like your honesty in your sharing – you say it as it was without making the past nicer or blaming anybody. Self-responsibility is really the key to get us out of our own mess. Very interesting is, that often we know exactly which games we are playning, but we don’t change them. In the past I asked myself very often, why it took me so long to stopp certain things in my life. Today I know why – I had no connection to my body. Since I deepen my relationship to my body, the more I can make loving choices. My body tells me all the time, what it likes and what it doesn’t like.
I agree Anonymous…as men and women we both have our part to play in the lack of connection in relationships … it is never only one sided – even the person who supposedly says or does nothing plays that part! There are so many games played out in relationships and many we aren’t even aware of – like reactions we have buried from childhood.
Not being interested in men but getting a lot of attention from men, but not from the men we would like to receive attention from. Would it be obvious to state that the interest may have come from men who also weren’t interested in women?
One of the things that I gain so strongly from this sharing is that the responsibility of what we experience and receive in life is because of what and how we are rather than because of how other people are. This is such an important thing to learn.
It does stand to reason that what women are seeking from their relationships with men is what they will have. This places a lot of power and responsibility firmly in the laps of all women, and maybe not everyone is ready for this. But it is deeply worth talking about because eventually there will come a time when every women knows and understands what has been presented here in this blog.
We are all in our essence divinely precious beings. There isn’t one aspect of us that is a commodity to be bought, sold or traded. No matter what the cost or personal benefit we are all to be absolutely honored for who we are and this starts with offering this to ourselves without compromise. It is a gentle loving tender gift we are innately worthy of and this is what is reflected to the world.
When I look back on my relationships with men, I can see they were all protection based and held back, kind of like a, I won’t let you see all of me if you don’t do the same kind of game that I played, so not truly wanting the other to know me. It’s any wonder why they didn’t last, as I was not reflecting that I wanted to have a truly honest and real relationship.
My now husband described me as beautiful, intriguing and amazing, but as cool as cucumber when we went on our first date. I held back, I went for the elusive, I have something you want approach, it got attention a lot of the time without me risking getting involved and perhaps hurt. I felt a strong connection with him and was more open with him than many people I had meet, but it took and is still taking time to learn to fully be open with him and other men and all of humanity. Knowing that we play these games is exposing, but for me love, clarity and truth is a shining light and I would rather be in the light than the dark.
I used feel either feel imposed upon or play up to gain control concerning ‘physical attraction’ and sexual energy. I know that changing how I hold myself and how I approach men, particularly when I can feel sexual energy coming my way has altered the relationships I have for the better “Once I changed the way I behaved around men, how I was as a woman with men, and I clearly no longer wanted to be seen or objectified for my looks and sexuality, men no longer treated me that way. If they did, it simply didn’t go far.” I no longer shrink away, or get defensive, I hold myself equal, steady with no shame and as you say, sexual energy can not be sustained when it is not fed. We have a reasonability within the dynamic.
I feel both men and women are tired of the silly games we all so often play and are all well up for more honesty and real relationships to develop whether just friends or more something more intimate.
As my relationship changes with myself to one of appreciating my inner being rather than simply my outer looks I am finding that men are tending to appreciate this also. Instead of the usual sexual attraction game there is simply a meeting of souls and an openness that feels very beautiful. In this I feel respected, which is a reflection of the respect that I am now giving myself.
This is an incredibly honest sharing that I feel many women can relate to. If we were only half as honest as this it would change our relationships with men… These are gorgeous changes you describe Anonymous, such as wearing clothes that are shorter and tighter because you enjoy the way it feels, not for the attention.
A great blog and so many awesome comments. I particularly like ‘most of us try to deal with the reflection coming back instead of changing the energy that is put out in the first place’ and ‘it is our own truly loving relationship with self that will guide us in relationships with others.’
Yes Elaine…. Dealing instead of Healing… is what we do.
It’s time to take a step back and look at the energy in the first place.
Anonymous, the honesty in your writing brings awareness to how much complexity we have in our relationships because of what we don’t heal within ourselves. Reading this blog, thread and feeling what is still unresolved in me confirms to me we don’t really have gender or even relationship problems with others, that in fact, the messy gender interactions don’t even need to be tackled head on if we each are responsible for our quality and being honest about what we notice disturbs this quality and the part we play in that.
Hi Deanne
I love how you have asked us to take this deeper than gender. It is in fact our connection to our soul that we have an opportunity to deepen than all gender ‘issues’ will melt away as they have no place in true relationship’s.
“I now wear shorter skirts and tighter clothes and I do so because I want to enjoy it for myself and not because I want attention.” – what a gorgeous celebration of you Anonymous 😉
‘I was rarely myself with a man and I was playing a not-so-nice energetic game – it didn’t leave much of an opening for any kind of true relationship.’ Not only is there no real opening for a relationship but we lose out on the gorgeous connection we have with ourselves – this is the greatest pain of all.
The fact that ‘being with men in the world’ is currently so different to being with women in the world for both sexes is an indication of how far from our real selves we have come. Once we all return to who we innately are then being with men or women will be the same as we shall all simply be love with every-body.
Well said Alexis. I work in a team of women, and most of our customers are women. In life I work on being open with everyone equally, so when a man occasionally comes into the shop I am open with him in the same way as our female customers. The response from my female colleagues is astounding. There is an assumption that I am somehow ‘chatting them up’. There is much nudging and winking. In truth I am simply being open, but it is seen as something different. This exposes so much about how we objectify men.
“This led to the next step – I no longer have huge amounts of sexual energy thrown at me. This may sound strange, but I had to adjust to this and my self-worth went under the microscope. I was so used to having men attracted to me and letting me know, that I started to feel like I was unattractive or that something was wrong with me.”
Your honesty had exposed something that I have been feeling myself but not been honest enough to see it clearly. I feel I have been given a gift of understanding that makes sense of the feeling I’d been having of being a women in her late forties who had simply become invisible to men. This exposes so many harming and destructive ideals and beliefs – 1. that women in their elder years are ‘invisible’ and unattractive. 2. that I have needed men to show they are attracted to me sexually in order to feel my self-worth as a woman. 3. that I have been unable to have intimate, non-physical relationships with men due to my need to be desired or seen to be attractive. Thank you for opening my eyes to this nest of vipers Anonymous.
Thank you, Lucy, for what you have unveiled here. Recently I have been reflecting on the life cycle of a woman and how despite the beauty she holds whatever her age how rarely she enjoys being who she is, enjoying her age and feeling like she is enough. Youth seems to be dominated by feelings of insecurity, middle age by striving to be enough by how much and what she gets done and elder years feeling invisible or of lesser value. It is a tragedy women feel this way; taunted by not being enough. Even if this is not how it is for all women, it feels fair to say this is how it is for too many women.
Lovely Lucy Duffy, this sort of honesty changes lives and the ripples will be felt wide. These blogs are so supportive when we are open to looking at issues that we may have hung on to. I am also aware of how I have clamoured for attention without being committed to intimacy. Much of this has passed but still I have work to do concerning building my willingness to be intimate with another, and so our path unfolds…
How wonderful for women to start getting honest about their part in some of the games that are played between men and women. I have also found the way you treat people, in this case men, affects the way they respond. If I initiate a game using sexual energy to hook men in, then this is what I get back. This was one of the big and early lessons for me when I first started attending UM sessions and events. The sexual energy is incredibly disrespectful of the loveliness that men are. I am now loving seeing the fullness of what men have within them and what can be shared when there is no sexual energy getting in the way.
When we remove our sexuality as a standard of our self-worth we are freed to develop true intimacy with others, which is what we are all in fact seeking.
Well said Jeannette! Overt sexuality is a guard we use to hide our fear of true intimacy. This is why pornography is getting more and more common and increasingly more hardcore. We are terrified of being exposed for the precious beings we are because we fear that the world we have created will not accept or nurture us in our true essence. In order to correct this our job is to be the love that we are in a world that does not reflect this love, so that we can become the great reflectors of this truth – that we are love and there is nothing on Earth more sexy, gorgeous, magnificent, stunning and gobsmackingly gorgeous than this. Love is not about being sexual, although sex can be an expression of this love. However, it is only a small part of the everything we are when expressing in this light. This light needs to be turned up bright for we as a humanity are thirsty for the love that we are but as yet are reluctant to live.
Thank you Anonymous for a super exposing article which left me much to ponder on. I realised how much my relationships with men have changed over the years and that I now have many friendships or interactions with men who treat me with a real respect and tenderness – when they tell me I am gorgeous, it is not sexually charged, or purely an appreciation of my appearance, it is an appreciation of the gorgeousness I am within. In the past I used to hold this gorgeousness back because I felt it was safer to rely on the outer and relate to people from there, but now not only do I know myself to be so much more than my outer appearance, I have an ever-deepening trust of those around me.
Yes anonymous, a great topic indeed, prompting us to look at our own relationships with others and also ourselves, as it is our own truly loving relationship with self that will guide us in relationships with others.
For both men and women it has been my experience that we get the level of respect from others that we first give ourselves. So from my own personal experience I know that if I don’t make the effort to value my self and appreciate my worth then it is unlikely that many others will give me that respect. And so it goes with so many of our relationships, we can often look out on them with bitterness, mistrust, even anger, but most of that frustration comes from our own lack of appreciation of self.
Yes, I agree, the outer reflects the inner – the more we can appreciate ourselves, the more others will, too.
How wonderful for women to start getting honest about their part in some of the games that are being played between men and women. I have also found the way you treat people, in this case men, affects the way they respond. If I initiate a game using sexual energy to hook men in, then this is what I get back. This was one of the big and early lessons for me when I first started attending UM sessions and events. The sexual energy is incredibly disrespectful of the loveliness that men are. I am now loving seeing the fullness of what men have within them and what can be shared when there is no sexual energy getting in the way.
I watched a movie a year or two ago and one line stood out for me, which was ‘we get the love we feel we deserve’. I can really feel this is true that our expectations and level of worth determine our interactions and the quality of connections we will have. A woman who knows her own worth and values the worth of all other people will not use people or seek to fill herself with superficial attraction.
So true Fiona. The connections we have in life are a direct reflection of the quality of connection we have with ourselves. Therefore our focus needs to be on our own inner connection rather than looking outside for something or someone to fill the void.
Offering ourselves appreciation is one of the most delicious, loving, caring, nurturing and foundational supports we can bring to ourselves. When this is a part of our lives then we recognize these same qualities in another and they recognize them in us. It would feel very harsh on our bodies to settle for anything less than the quality we already offer ourselves and at the same time we don’t actually need it or look for these qualities from another because we have them already.
Well said, Stephen, and a simple equation to live life by with regards to relationships.
“…I based a lot of my self-worth on the fact that I had plenty of attention from men.” The age-old strong belief that women are nothing without a man lies deep and I for one have been truly resentful of men because of this unworthy notion. This is such a great blog Anonymous you bring up a great topic.
wow, Shelley- whether we buy into a belief or resent it we are still a prisoner of it. How many other common beliefs might we believe ourselves to be free of because we oppose it, when actually we have equally succumbed to the energy that fuels the belief? Yes- I agree – this is a great topic.
From a young age and without being forward in the slightest with boys/men (I was very shy), I based my worth on the attention I got from males. It was not about wanting them to look at me but wanting to be liked and seen for the loveliness and gorgeousness I was and still am today. I can see how that picture is a lie, that the beauty and precious worth inside doesn’t fade or waver according to the amount of attention we receive.
Self-worth is such a big topic in men’s and women’s lives. And it is incredible, how much we did in the past to get recognition from other people. I’m very glad that I realise more and more, that my self-worth is wihin me, it can’t be find outside of myself. The search is over.
It is a 2-way thing isn’t it and any dynamic in any relationship is like that. We see the surface behaviour and can wonder what’s going on, but it’s the undertones that we carry that we really have to look at to incite any true change. Blogs like these are important as they can instigate a new way of looking at and approaching relationships with the opposite sex, so thank you for writing it.
After meeting a man in truth – without any of the beliefs I have carried about gender – I felt how men in truth are as sensitive and feminine as I know myself to be. In this I also realised that in thinking I lik a particular type of man I am in effect rejecting every man that doesn’t fit this description.
So true Abby. And also condemning any man who does meet that description to stay within that box forever more! I also have to ask myself why I like that certain type of man/person. Is it for true reasons or just because they feel comfortable and familiar.
Yes Abby, I can see how this ‘ideal man’ picture then leads us to judge every man against it! That’s hurtful to everyone including oneself.
I think, Anonymous, that how women and men have viewed each other is so deep seated in our society, in our education, our parenting and our social interactions. Universal Medicine is now breaking down some of these stereotypical behaviours between us and that feels amazing. What you have shared has shown us what is possible.
We have so many varied beliefs and views on who and what men and women represent with very few actually reflecting the truth. I often hear in conversations either at work or out that ‘men are like this’ or ‘women are like that’, which are very obviously coming from the hurts or a hurt experienced. One of the things that I have taken away from relationship presentations by Serge Benhayon is that we often tar all relationships with the same brush we have been hurt by, even though the amount of people we have been hurt by is very few. But we end up judging all people the same way, that is they will also hurt us. This means we hold ourselves back in all of our relationships and don’t go anywhere near deepening them, which is what we want (it’s certainly what I want). Although not pleasant at all to feel how I am and have been in relationships, I am blessed that the veil has been lifted, so that I can be more honest and just more myself in every relationship.
I agree Anne – there are so many beliefs and ideas in our society, how men and women should be together, which are not healthy at all. It is really time to show society, that there is another way.
I love this blog, it brings discussion to such an important issue about our relationship with ourselves and others. Thanks you Anonymous.
This is a blog I could very well have written myself. I used to play this game with men too in the past, but came around to feel how not true it is, – not to mention how it prevented me from forming true relationships. Now I catch myself before anything starts and remind myself that the remedy lies in building my own self-worth and to always focus on self-love first and foremost. Awesome to expose this, thank you.
When we have a bad experience with a man, it can cloud our judgement as we put all men in the category of ‘Men are Bad’ and yet, when we feel each one as an individual, we can sense the genuine tenderness that is naturally there. Our mind stuff gets in the way and if we allow that to dictate what we let in, then we are truly missing out.
And therein lies the true evil Carmel – that we allow the hurt we have felt at the hands of another to be reason to ‘close shop’ with everyone else. Accepting responsibility for the part that we play in our relationships with others is the key to unlocking the chains that have kept us so bound. Love never hurts, but the lack of it lived stings us to the core. Therefore, live love and the wounds will soon heal.
This is such a great topic to discuss as we have tip toed around for such a long time because we don’t want to be exposed for the ruthless and loveless actions that we have been a part of. Those acts where we have created such males and females in today’s world where there is no honouring, respecting and embracing of our true qualities of who we naturally are. Indeed we have the power within us to make these changes and to truly bring awareness to our role in the games that have been played is a great starting point, as you have beautifully shared.
I agree Natalie. Abuse of woman is common and very much needs to change. But in many areas of relationships with men, women need to assess what they are adding to the mix. We seem to be comfortable with the innocent victim role but I can certainly say that when I was not aware or being responsible with the way I related with men, I was very much a contributor to any harm that occurred.
This blog highlights the fact that both men and women are often seeking recognition or acceptance or attention but not wanting to be open to true intimacy in our relationships.
“The way I was engaging with men didn’t allow for any real connection to develop. I was rarely myself with a man and I was playing a not-so-nice energetic game – it didn’t leave much of an opening for any kind of true relationship.” I love the honesty in this blog it really shows the games we play and how this interferes with developing a true and loving relationship. I can look back and say the same, that I was rarely myself with a man, always trying to be one step ahead and keeping a tight control on my feelings, and so there was never a true foundation from which to build on.
I find control or wanting to feel in control is a common theme for women. This means we don’t get to be the real us and no one gets to feel it either. The magic that can happen between any two people is when we let go of the control and allow it to flow freely.
Very true Fiona, the magic happens when we let go of the control and allow things to naturally happen. It can be amazing how much more joyful and fun relationships can be without the tension that the control creates.
Having let go of the old way of relating to men it is now new ground I am stepping on. Baby steps.
The size of the steps does not matter Rebecca, it is the fact that you are making them that is gorgeous to feel.
Many of our relationships seem to be based on hurts and how to manage around them, mine certainly were – to change them to be of true love, can only start with me first loving and accepting all of me, step by step.
Beautifully said Fumiyo. Our first relationship is always with ourselves. In giving ourselves respect, love, understanding and space we will then offer the same to another and then one day that same quality is then returned to us, but even grander.
When you ponder it, it is bizarre how women and men have treated each other over the ages, the games and abuse imposed in avoidance of the most simple and basic truths, we are all human beings deserving of equal respect, understanding and love.
Simply put, Simon, but very true. Anything other than absolute equalness needs to be called out if things are going to change. If we stop playing games we will be able to support and learn from each other.
It’s awesome to know that no one has to wait for everyone else to change, that the change we want is within our own power. What a huge shift for all of us to know this and so there is no need to try and protect ourselves with behaviours and no need to feel responsible for the reactions of others. When we are honest about what we have wanted and take responsibility for what we have put out there, we can then truly feel what is true and steadily, connect to our heart, treat people equally and make another way.
“Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women” So true and yes we have a long long way to go but blogs like these show us there is another way.
Wow, I felt as though you were writing about my experience here. I have hooked men in in the past and am growing more aware of when I do it now. I agree that it requires a lot of honesty and it can feel uncomfortable at first to not have male attention to make me feel good about myself. But when i choose to be aware of the energetic game that talk about, then I can’t ignore how horrible it feels to be playing it. What is amazing is the possibilities which open up in relationships with men, and women, and this is something to really appreciate.
As women we have so often not allowed the man to treat us with the tenderness they are. Thank you Anonymous for exposing all you have here through your such honest inquiry. When we are not honouring of who we innately are as women, whilst being in the company of a man what we miss out on is the opportunity for us both to connect from our deepest hearts, allowing that great sadness we carry to continue to be, allowing the opportunity for healing to be missed.
Beautifully expressed Giselle, when we do not allow a depth of connection it is indeed a great sadness to carry, all the greater and sadder because it is so unnecessary.
I still blush at times with men. The beauty is, in the past I would judge myself for it, but I don’t do that anymore. I have it at moments that I feel tender and open and I am learning to stay with that, regardless of who is in front of me.
Oh thank you for this gorgeous comment Mariette – I still blush or feel awkward at times too, often when I am being more open than I have before – there is a tentativeness at times when you are “breaking new ground” but embracing this rather than judging it makes all the difference.
“Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women. Neither one has to wait for the other to make a change – both a man and a woman have the power to make great changes.” This needs proclaiming loudly and clearly to our troubled and dis-harmonious society where men and women are still searching many ways to be with each other, and still playing the same games unconsciously with no tools for changing them. Even much psychotherapy is stuck in “the way things are” and managing it, rather than seeking change at a deeper level. Serge Benhayon and Natalie Benhayon have brought to us that opportunity to bring this about, and it is evident in the way the men and women are with each other in the Universal Medicine student body and they take that out into the world to other relationships. This can only benefit all of us.
If both sexes developed more self worth through deep self care then both would not have a need that they are demanding the other gender to fulfil. Of course we can feel everything so the moment you have a need you have a potential to abuse that person by playing on their need and using it to your advantage. This leads to a lot of hurt and mistrust between the sexes which prevents us from truly working together to heal our collective hurts.
I have definitely experienced this kind of dynamic with women in the past. It confused me and it hurt to believe that a woman was interested in me only to find that she liked the attention more than me! I had a responsibility in this also in not feeling what was really going on and also in the need I was projecting out in the first place towards women. I can say I have changed a lot of this these days and as a result my relationships with all women are vastly more equal, respectful and open.
Such a great point that both men and women have a role and a responsibility in changing how women are perceived and treated by society. It is easy to point the finger and just blame one sex which creates separation and division between the sexes but only by working together can men and women both get the respect, intimacy and love that they want and crave.
Absolutely, I agree Andrew Mooney, the blame game does not work “…only by working together can men and women both get the respect, intimacy and love that they want and crave.” choosing to blame the other gender, play victim, or deny responsibility, results in more abuse and separation between the sexes. In true we are naturally complimentary and by honouring each other and enjoying the qualities that we bring, with respect and love we enable ourselves to heal, more deeply understand life and our expression of it.
We need to adopt more loving ways for men and women to communicate with one another and it needs to become more normal for men and women to be good friends without this assumption that sexual energy will get in the way. I have a number of female friends and this always seems to create suspicion in men and can create jealousy from their partners, yet friendships between men and women are so crucial to our evolution, if we are saying we can only be in a sexual relationship with the other sex then what does that say about our own qualities?
I agree Stephen. I recall when I first began dating my current partner I was then suspicious of the fact that he had close girlfriends. This was a great learning for me as I had never had any close male friends without experiencing any of the sexual tension. The beautiful thing about this now is that his friends are also now great friends to me too and they respect us equally. Actually my first best friend when I was 3 – 5 years old was my next door neighbour who was a boy and I remember the joy we shared in being together. This is our natural way to be together.
I agree it is necessary and it is possible for men and woman to be equally respectful, intimate and loving with each other, without sexual energy being used. I have been witness to this developing in my own life and have observed it in others. It brings a richness and depth to my life to be open to men without all the stuff in the way, I feel more whole and expressive through building these relationships, we are enabling true healing to unfold.
If we are honest with ourselves, we can all feel from a mile off if a woman or man is ‘dressing to impress’ or perhaps putting on a show for someone. Even if the person might not want recognise it themselves, others do. And so this leaves room for the games and the jealousy and the comparison to come in – when there is really no need for it in the first place. But to claim who we are and do so without any attachment to what attention we receive, is a very different feeling. Anonymous – when you described how you now dress for you and you are respected by the men around you, it feels like you have claimed who you are, not the reaction you want from others, and that is beautiful. Thank you for this sharing. Young men and women of today can learn so much from this.
Becoming aware of the energy we are choosing when we interact – with anyone – is vital, otherwise we project ‘our stuff’ onto others. Healing our hurts is so important to enable us to be free and fully ourselves with everyone we meet.
So true sueq2012. In what way do we meet people or approach them? I have felt recently how pretty much every relationship I have been in has been about me and my needs. Not pleasant to feel, but very important to note.
“Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women. Neither one has to wait for the other to make a change – both a man and a woman have the power to make great changes.” How very true that is, Anonymous. I feel that the way society views and treats men and women is very unreal, great expectations are placed on each of us to be something that is not true for us. Every one of us is different, we should not be placed into particular boxes where, to be accepted, we have to be a certain way. We each need to feel into ourselves, connect to ourselves and be the person that we truly are felt from within. If we did that, we would find that both men and women in their essence are very gentle, and actually quite delicate, especially for a woman. Yet women are now expected to be everything, to be strong, sexy, able to be multi-skilled, about to handle 100 things at once, it is crazy. Men are still expected to be the strong head of the family, protective, tough, extremely hard working, able to take on all that comes. Again, crazy. We all have different attributes, we should all be able to be our true selves. It is up to us as true men and women, to live in the way that is right for our true selves.
The first domino to fall in making change how society tolerates unloving relationships, for women and men, is the relationship we have with ourselves. As you aptly say…”Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women…”
Yes, the next stage may be to discover gold in men where it is not obvious – otherwise they would have been snapped up or can afford to be very noncommittal. The gold is there, just not so obvious but it is there.
Our relationships with each other are dependant on our relationship with ourselves. Change our relationship with ourself and our relationship with every body else changes.
What a great revelation to have and how healing for you. Even to write this blog will be incredibly healing for many women. There are so many games we play that we simply do not want to own up to, but by doing so you not only can you now see it is not actually who you are but also sets you free to be the true you. So worth the effort I would say!
I really love the way your story shows that the way others respond to us is a reflection of the image we project out and the energy we do this in. When I read about how you were often hit on by men I felt myself go into comparison because it has always been very rare for me to receive attention from men. On reflection I can remember many times where I did receive attention from men and yet this felt awful. I can see I have used most of my interactions with men to perpetuate the lie that they are the ‘problem’ and that I am less. If I received no attention from men I felt it confirmed there was something wrong with me, if I received attention I felt it confirmed men only wanted me for my body and did not see me as a person. It is clear that my relationship with men has always been and will always be a reflection of my relationship with myself.
Absolute truth, I love what is exposed here, what is written is real and raw. Point is : ”I based a lot of my self-worth on the fact that I had plenty of attention from men.” This is the whole issue I have been walking around with all my life. When I was reading this I finally deeply realized why I had always given myself away, I realized all I did was seeking attention to not fill myself up with my own worth and power. And so I have playing a game , wanting to look and pretend that I was powerless.. whilst actually I got a huge fire bomb inside that is nearly exploding because of the pressure I had put on it by not letting it out. I made the choice today – I am no longer playing that game. I am a woman on my own standing in her power from now onwards.
If we are constantly looking for love and acceptance from others we will never be satisfied. Love and acceptance starts within.
Growing up and in my early adult years it seemed appearances meant a lot because to me physically attractive females were streets ahead when it came to male attention. Yet over the years I have grown to realise that many of the men I have met or observed were looking for the same thing in relationships as women and that was a sense of being met and known for who they were beneath the tough exteriors. They wanted a connection based on friendship and true sharing and caring more than just a sexual relationship. To me this just shows that underneath we are all the same but sadly have absorbed many ideals and beliefs that have led us astray with the stereotypes tainting the relationships we form.
This is so true Helen, we are all falsely led to believe that appearances are everything which is a trick to lead us away from our connection to what is true – the divinity that lies within us.
Helen you have just helped me to identify that I have held the belief for years that men are much more superficial when it comes to relationships than women. If I’m totally honest I still do hold the belief that men are happier to have sex without commitment than women and that women are on the look our for ‘love’ way more than men. I recognise that these beliefs are long held and deep and I shall be open to what unfolds now that I am actually questioning them and not just repeating them by rote.
I absolutely agree with all you have shared here, Helen, in so many cases, men want the same relationship as we do. They want a connection based on friendship and true sharing, they care just as deeply as we women do about these things. The sexual relationship is important for us all of course, but it is not the first detail that many men consider in their choice to have a relationship with a woman, particularly if they are looking for a lasting relationship. Men also are looking for TRUE love, not necessarily sexual love. They want connection as deeply as women do.
Very true Helen. It’s actually quite sad then that what we have considered relationships with the ‘opposite sex’ has been all about sex. No wonder we are so dissatisfied with our relationships when we are missing out on so much about each other….the best parts.
I too appreciate the men I now have in my life- who through their care, love and integrity I am learning a great deal about myself. I never had much to do with men but now I deeply love and cherish the men who are in my life.
Wow, your blog exposes the sneaky games both women and men play to keep each other at bay. It seems like we are too afraid to get too intimate but intimacy is what we crave. It is awesome to have this level of honesty and awareness when we interact with each other. Honesty builds trust and trust builds true relationships. A brilliant blog, thank you.
Yes, Chan, Anonymous has been very honest in her appraisal of her previous behaviour with men. So many women play these games in the belief that is how one should be with men, and what men are looking for. It is sad, for deep down, most men are really looking for a true relationship, based on honesty and true love. It is wonderful that she has discovered the truth of the game she was playing, and has since met some beautiful men who do not want to play that sort of game, but are being as they truly are.
This morning I ran into my ex partner on the street and this was so lovely. I had not seen him in a while and the love and affection I could feel between us was so beautiful. It was a very healing moment and what I am learning from it, is how I can feel this love for all men, also my ex partner, even though our relationship in expression has changed, the love has not. Very touching.
What I love about this blog is that it brings the power back to us. We have the choice to turn the tables on how we are in all relationships. Appreciation for ourselves and others also sets the foundation for real connections too.
” It’s also new for me to discover how tender, caring and sensitive men truly are when we allow them the space to be themselves without our own imposition.”- Yes, I too am finding that . It really is very beautiful and honouring to do so when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and tender around them first. Our relationships reflect the way we are with ourselves.
“Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women. Neither one has to wait for the other to make a change – both a man and a woman have the power to make great changes.” There are always two sides to a story but only one energetic truth. If there are different stories then there is not energetic truth and as we are the creators of our own reality so we are equally responsible for any disharmony.
Wow Jonathan – absolute gold you have shared here – “There are always two sides to a story but only one energetic truth. If there are different stories then there is not energetic truth and as we are the creators of our own reality so we are equally responsible for any disharmony.”
That is the ouch then Jonathan as we may not want to see the part we equally play. It’s very humbling when we see our part..
Delivered Jonathon with the clarity and absoluteness of truth – there may be two sides to a story but only one energetic truth. This certainly calls to account permutations from energetic truth.
As women we often complain about being treated like an object by men, but are we taking full responsibility for how we portray ourselves and how we relate? Fundamentally, if we are happy to receive the attention that sexual attraction brings, are we not treating men as objects too? They are then simply objects that we are using to fulfill our need to be desired.
Thankyou for your open and honest sharing Anon. Taking responsibility for the part we play – in everything – together with understanding and love – enables great healing.
“Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women. Neither one has to wait for the other to make a change – both a man and a woman have the power to make great changes.” For so long women have been victims of our own making – we have ‘demanded’ by being loud and aggressive and blaming men rather than gain equal rights through changing ourselves back to who we truly are – with our innate stillness, so that we naturally obtain respect. being loving and true to who we are naturally opens doors….We have been our own worst enemy in many cases.
This is so true,
leaving a man unimposed upon is one of the keys to letting him bring out his divine care and love in all that he is.
I love, love, love this article anonymous. How awesome to (so simply) expose the energetic game around sexual energy for what it is, the hurt we hold for us to have said yes to playing that game, and how to heal that hurt. Yes it is yuck – better bring the honesty, see it, heal it and not play it anymore – no need to judge or deny. Indeed as you write ” both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women. Neither one has to wait for the other to make a change “.
Your blog provides a great example of the complex game women can play in outsourcing their sense of self-worth through their sexuality in pursuit of external validation that isn’t available from within. The description of the honest, straightforward relationships you now have with men is refreshingly different but also so very normal, reflecting what is possible when we finally begin to accept that we have all we need and don’t need to go looking for it from outside of ourselves.
What a powerful phrase, Cathy – “outsourcing our sense of self-worth”. How many of us can relate to this as a reality growing up, completely relying on the outer to define how much we could value ourselves? I remember how little I honoured myself and looked after my body, instead using it to simply get more and more attention. This lack of self-worth in young women needs addressing across the board.
Yes Janet. the lack of self worth is huge , and so is the lack of true role models for young girls and boys growing up. So great to bring awareness to this issue Anonymous.
It is very interesting that we can be surprised at the responses we are getting from people and yet when we are honest and look deeper under the surface of our own choices this is all of our own design.
It is amazing how many games we ‘think’ we are playing, but in truth we are being played. Nothing can be more beautiful than being truly seen and met for who we are.
Wow, ice queen, I think we had the same rule book. I had pretty much these exact same behaviours, and have been shedding them since spending time with Serge Benhayon and other male students of the Livingness who blow me away with how sweet, tender and genuinely caring they are to women. It has allowed me to open up to real friendships with men, and they are so loving. My relationships with women too are becoming more intimate and precious.
Serge Benhayon has been such an amazing role model for many men who are now such sweet, gentle people, not afraid to show their vulnerability, yet are really quite strong and powerful men now. They are now super honest, and being the true men that they always were deep down, underneath the tough veneer that they had built up. I love being with these men, completely trust them, they are quite amazing in the strength that they now impart, I am blessed to know them. We all have so much to appreciate in the impact that Serge has had on both men and women, in their ability now to live their true selves, with no artificial veneers.
Thank you for your honesty anon. How often do we point the finger at someone else rather than look at how we have created the situations we find ourselves in.
It’s very inspiring and impressive to read about how you came to own the energy you were putting out Anonymous. It requires a lot of self responsibility and awareness to admit to your contribution to your own lack of self worth by projecting it on to men. I find some women love to blame men for all that is wrong with the world, but the fact is we are all responsible. Our crazy expectations of how we think we need to look/be set us all up to fail. There’s only one way worth being and that is yourself.
Yes, I agree Elodie- it takes self responsibility, self-awareness and honesty to admit and call out the energetic games we play out with men to get attention, gain recognition and be loved. If we all did this how different would our relationships be? True harmonious , loving, and evolving relationships.
Absolutely, Elodie, we are all responsible for what is going on in the world, it is so wrong to blame men for it all. Women have condoned so much of what is going on, they have accepted the abuse that has been showered on them, in so many cases have accepted physical as well as verbal abuse, so of course they are responsible also. Women as well as men are equally responsible for everything that is wrong in the world, we each make up society, we each have the ability to change things. If we were to work together in brotherhood, we could turn things around, make this into a very different world.
The power plays between the sexes needs to be exposed for what they are. Taking responsibility for our part is so important as it’s most certainly a 2 way street. Our true appreciation for each other only grows and becomes normal again, when we do this for ourselves first.
Yes Sara – we have to deal with our stuff first, then we are more able to have healthy relationships.
Very beautiful in your honesty, thank you. And a topic worthy of much discussion.
Thank you Anon for so honestly sharing your experience, of becoming responsible in your own choices, “I no longer need the attention from men [others] as I am learning to be responsible for my own self-worth, not relying on others to fill that cup.
It really shows that what we put out is what we get back. The trouble is that most of us try to deal with the reflection coming back instead of changing the energy that is put out in the first place
Awesome comment Joshua, and I can raise my hand here and say I have been one of those who try to change the outcome without really looking at how I’ve contributed to it in the first place. We can’t expect things to change if we’re not willing to take responsibility for our own outputs.
Great sharing Joshua, we get reflected what we sent out. I hear many women complaining that they attract these ‘weird’ men or men that only want sex or no commitment or whatever the topic. In the end it is not about those men and what we think they want or do not want, It is about us and who we are with ourselves. We meet who we are ourselves.
Yes, I agree and often we tend to be quick to blame others for what we receive back and conveniently forget our responsibility in this. Like you shared Joshua, we have the power to choose differently, by observing closely at how we first choose to interact with people, as in are we choosing to operate in a loving energy? Therefore, by choosing to reflect love out, we naturally get reflected the same back.
Beautiful Joshua. It is much easier to deal with the reflection coming back. We can blame others, focus on it and spend plenty of time there. But it is all a distraction and a way of avoiding what is really going on.
Well said Joshua – we much prefer to try to control situations than take responsibility for them.
This is awesome Joshua. I feel like I need to post this line somewhere I can see it all the time. Life would be so different if we simply accepted this fact.
Love this Joshua as it points the responsibility we all have in what we put out.
Such a wisdom that you share here Joshua. It is true, although it sometimes seems we can change the other it always is coming from a change within first. It is very freeing to realise this because we are the only ones who can change the energy we are choosing to live with.
How we treat another one is only an extension of how we treat ourselves first
Yes and this is what we are missing so often. Forgetting that it’s not about what’s happening out there first. We must learn to meet ourselves before we can meet others.
There are one thousand separative games we can play to avoid allowing the others in. The beauty of being met for who you are, though, remains unique in its grace.
A wonderful sharing and a great personal development lesson for the world. Part of the closing paragraph particularly stood out for me “Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women.” – such an absolute truth..!!
Working in the city sometimes at night I see men and women caught up in playing this game and as you say – it feels yuck. Thank you for showing the beautiful alternative – the true way to be.
I am inspired by the level of honesty you went to with yourself to stop the energetic game playing. It is so true what you say about both men and women playing such games and that it will take honesty from both sides to make true change in relationships between men and women.
Yes, and this is all we need to initiate true healing that is to start with self honesty and then things begin to unfold and we gain a deeper understanding of where we are at and what is needed.
This blog brings back painful memories of feeling so awkward and shut down not only around men, but almost anyone. These days I feel comfortable in my own skin and the awkwardness just doesn’t come into play except for those occasions when I’m not feeling with myself.
So true Anne and it’s wonderful to recognize that when I do feel awkward or even a little excited I’m missing my connection to myself and handing over my power to the other person. There is every chance they don’t want this and it comes across to them as imposing. If they do want it then underlying their wants could be a form of control or manipulation they are seeking.
“I no longer need the attention from men [others] as I am learning to be responsible for my own self-worth, not relying on others to fill that cup.” When we learn this it is so empowering.
What is apparent in what you write is how sneaky the energy is that makes us play games, we can all be so manipulative in how we want situations to unfold and how we often set ourselves up to get a certain reaction from another. Then we can say, well that person did this or that so they can’t be trusted, when in truth we never gave them a chance to shine as we weren’t willing to truly shine ourselves.
This is a brilliant article, it really exposes some pretty common energetic games and that is very exposing for us all!
Yes, and how harmful are these games we play? Very harmful as they perpetuate separation, feeds our lack of self-worth and creates disharmony.
“I was so used to having men attracted to me and letting me know, that I started to feel like I was unattractive or that something was wrong with me.” (when that stopped)
It is great what you address here Anon, how we as women can use men’s attention and sexual attraction to us and the expression thereof as a confirmation of our worth and by using them like that we actually foster that kind of behaviour in men.
What we often don’t realize is that we ask something of men that is not natural to them and we box them up into the category “predator” whilst that is so not who they are.
We ask it of men and then are angry with them when they do what we ask. It is a horrible game we can play that allows very little space for anyone to be who they truly are.
Your level of honesty is exactly the level of honesty that we all need to see the patterns we have created and to do something about them. From this honesty we can get to the truth of what is really going on for us at any given moment.
Absolutely right Elizabeth. From this honesty we can unravel rapidly, and best thing of all.. there is nothing wrong when we admit our hurts and ill patterns and beliefs. As is shown by this article. So we got no reason to hide our honesty under the carpet or shame. Time to bring it out, and this article by anonymous is our example how to do that.
Serge Benhayon has shown us what it is to be a true man which includes gentleness, tenderness and sensitivity and totally blows the old image back into the last millennium. In this way of being, we stand such a better chance of forming deeper relationships without all the unnecessary nonsense.
Reading your comment Kevin was a beautiful thing. Thanks to Serge Benhayon the world has many more men expressing themselves as they truly are. Everyone benefits from this as not only do these gorgeous men get to walk with themselves, we all do.
‘Let the games begin’ has been something we have used for all aspects of our lives including relationships with each other as we attempt to be king of the hill. We don’t need to better then everyone else just be who we truly are with everyone. It is a non-competition that everyone wins.
Good point Steve. The game playing puts us in a position of wanting to win the game and out do the other. What kind of relationship (be it sexual or not) can come from this foundation?
Anonymous, what a beautiful and open sharing. Thank you so much for your honesty, it was a total blessing to read. I especially loved how you exposed that men treat women exactly the way they want to be treated, what a revelation and what a game. Thank you again.
Yes and very inspiring to know this is something we all can do if we so choose.
I love the bit about when you talk about discovering how ‘tender, caring and sensitive men truly are’ – this is an ongoing life changer for me. And the more I allow this revelation, the more I see of it in all the men I meet throughout my days, in passing, in friendship, at work, in my family…
I agree Matilda and it is often the first thing that I observe and it is super gorgeous.
Beautiful claiming anonymous of the responsibility we all hold in relationships, that is to not play games and be completely honest with ourselves and others. When we are not, relationships can’t evolve and in most cases true relationships can’t even start. This is a beautifully honest blog that I feel many will get a healing from.
Great comment Kim, very well said. Through the honesty of this blog inspires others to be honest too and examine how we have been in our relationships with ourselves and with others.
These games between men and women have destroyed the natural brotherhood that we are in truth. When these barriers are taken down we are all equal and it gives me such joy to enjoy a male friendship, enjoying what the men bring is so beautiful.
Agreed Richard, awesome you are. Without all the games that are played between men and women, we get to see and appreciate each other for who we truly are.
I can relate to what you have shared here so much. I have only in recent years been able to share a friendship with men that is only that, a friendship, and I am loving it. Not only am I bringing the true me to the relationship, this is allowing me to see the true them.
“Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women. Neither one has to wait for the other to make a change – both a man and a woman have the power to make great changes.” I love what you have shared in the above sentence. So often women blame men for their behaviour without looking at their own contribution to it.
This blog made me really squirm in my seat. “I never understood how I could have so much attention from men, but not from any of the men I was interested in” – this reminded me of my experience of being attracted to men who did not appreciate me, and with very little self-worth I just accepted it as the way it was. I can see how that was a reflection of my self-loathing. And at the same time, if I was shown any sign of kindness or tenderness of a man, I would run the opposite way and I would reject them as a loser. Tenderness of men was too much for me to handle as it would expose how I had rejected my own tenderness as a woman.
“No wonder men treat women this way, if this is what women are expecting and wanting. Women are often asking men to treat them this way, and when they don’t, we can begin to feel worthless.” thank you anonymous, completely called it for what it was. I can so relate to what you share within this blog- about wanting the attention from men yet blaming them that they were treating me this way also. It’s great to look at it for what it is… a lack of self worth.
This was what stands out for me ..”how tender, caring and sensitive men truly are when we allow them the space to be themselves without our own imposition.” Thank you for writing a sensitively, honest blog that exposes the energetic game that is rife throughout our world today.
What I LOVE about this line is that for you to now feel and know the truth of a man’s true essence, something no doubt we have always all known all along, shows how played we all are when we are led to believe otherwise. To even ponder on the possibilities of the truly healing relationships you experience now in comparison to the complete shutting out of yourself and thus with men is extremely telling of the power of true self-worth within a woman and also true relationships.
We spend so much time playing these games (sometimes our whole life), that we miss out on what really feels wonderful and that is living in connection with another and with ourselves.
We do miss out entirely! We miss out on the beauty that others bring, the beauty we ourselves bring and the connection we can have with others.
It is somewhat crazy how we all want intimacy and love in our lives and yet we will play all sorts of games and tricks to avoid it! Could this be proof of the duality of life and that there is more than one energy or consciousness at play?
What a beautiful journey of transformation and self responsibility Anonymous, thank you.
“I now live in a community where men see me as a woman: I feel loved and adored just for being me, with no sexual undertones. Men treat me very respectfully and it is ‘me’ who is seen first – the person I am”, indeed very gorgeous and inspiring..
So interesting to feel that at times in my life I had been seeking sexual undertones as a way to feel loved or recognised. But now I know this was due to my lack of self worth. I now live a life without that and it feels amazing.
Yes Richard, there is an innate tenderness and depth of love for women that every man holds and of late I have felt this. It is so exquisite and honoring as a woman to feel such love from a man.
Dear Anonymous, I love how open and honest you have been in this article. The subtle nuances that both men and women use in the game of needing and attracting attention so needs to be spoken about and brought out to be seen for what they are. The conversation you have begun here is one that many can now have as a clear basis on which to look at our relationships and how we are being in them.
As I for one have been a woman who needed any attention from men to feel ok, yet not feel ok at the same time as so much of the attention I received and asked for was sexual based. Having this awareness and a now deeply held and loved sense of my worth, it is something that I find less and less in my life.
So much in all forms of media suggests we should measure the worth of an individual by their sexual attractiveness it is all pervasive. We begin receiving these messages as children and adopt these beliefs without even knowing it, as we see them beliefs modelled before our eyes by parents and older siblings who have been similarly indoctrinated. It is one of the most insidious forms of separation that pervade our society. How wonderful to realise that the love we need is inside us and that we do not need to play these games at all, what a relief. Thanks for sharing your story Anonomous, I too am setting myself free from gender games thanks to the work of Serge and Natalie Benhayon and others who choose The Way of the Livingness.
It is really inspiring to see the beauty that can come from a commitment to true honesty and an awareness of the games we play… so that the falsity and harm can be discarded and replaced with a true way of being with ourselves and others.
Very true Richard and insightful : “I used to get very confused by the behaviours of women in relationships, or those who were apparently seeking relationships when I was younger. But I see now that this was all down to my relationship with myself which was equally confusing” – yes i can say the same too! The relationship i had with myself as a woman in my younger years was so different to what it is today where i know who i am, hold myself steady in this, appreciate my strength, and as a result the men i connect with, hold a similar strength whether that’s in the office with male colleagues, clients or internet dating. The qualities we hold of ourselves, we hold another and in this offer the greatest gift in relationships – equalness.
What you have shared anon is very familiar to me too. I too have played many games to get the attention of men, mainly because I had no idea how to be around them. I can still feel an element and even hesitancy of this that I need to work through. Underneath this though what I can feel is that the more I am myself around men, without need, investment or expectation of myself or them then this also allows them to be themselves. Much appreciation for your writings.
The picture of having attention from men equating to being liked is a damaging picture to uphold, it is a reduction of how we have accepted our self-worth to be as women. And yet this is the message that the world is passing around– that being sexualized is being worthy, which is absolutely not true. And through this honest blog you have debunked how manipulative this game actually is. We deserve so much more as men and as women together, for our worth is much deeper than we realize, and our every breath and movement to be true to ourselves can be evolution with each other.
I felt like I was reading my own biography here…and I suspect this is a way of relating that many readers will be familiar with. The game that we play of sexually hooking someone in that we are attracted to is oh so common and one that both men and women are responsible for. As a woman I can choose to not play ball with the objectification game, but still dress and enjoy my own sexiness without the hooks of luring a man in.
The game is very safe. It is great fun for those who are at the receiving end of a lot of attention and deeply frustrating for those who look for true commitment but, then again, those who live this way may not have a choice to commit themselves and get by with this behaviour in the meantime.
“It’s also new for me to discover how tender, caring and sensitive men truly are when we allow them the space to be themselves without our own imposition.” I have experienced this too. I experience sometimes men are more delicate than women and invite us to deepen with our delicateness. If they themselves and we as women offer them space we will be blown away by their qualities.
And, in addition, their strength and power.
If you work anywhere with a mix of men and women you see these games being played all the time, the idea that women are victims to them is usually not the case. I saw an interaction the other day that I thought was inappropriate on the man’s behalf but then 5 minutes later I noticed another more sneaky interaction between them that revealed the lady involved was completely egging the man on.
In my experience it is very rare that anything is one sided. Plus, even if it appears to be one sided and you don’t outwardly encourage this behaviour, this blog points out that we still have a responsibility for addressing the energy that is inviting it in.
This is a powerful article that calls to question the way we are, both men and women, with each other, and the quality of relationships we develop from here. A great exposure of the games we play with and against each other. It is quite sad really that we use and abuse each other in this way, a way that I too have been guilty of. I now realise that we are responsible for the quality of being we share with the world. It is through a lack of self-worth and a lack of honesty that we instead seek and impose upon another to full-fill us in some way. Yet this can never work and all too often we instead blame the other for the lack of full-fillment we continue to feel. Taking responsibility for how we are feeling, as you have Anon, not only empowers us to heal and let go of our hurts but also heals the way we have been with each other, men and women, to allow true relationships to develop that are deeply honoring, respectful and embracing of the Love that is equally within us all.
I can relate to so much of what you’ve written here anonymous. In my younger days, my sense of worth was based on how attractive I was to men and if I tired of that, I would just make myself less attractive – less makeup, plainer clothes and less flirting. And just reading your blog, I hadn’t really stopped to appreciate that this is not the case anymore, that my sense of worth isn’t based on how attractive I am seen as by men. If I receive a compliment from a man, I graciously accept it because I feel the truth of what is being said by them, but it doesn’t change how I feel about myself or pump me up in anyway, it is a confirmation of what I already feel and know about myself. Thank you.
Thank you Anon it was really interesting reading this. I realised you felt angry and let down by men when they gave you the attention you were asking for and equally disappointed when they didn’t give you the attention you were later asking not to have. It made sense that men get confused and that we so often receive what we put out.
I think a lot of women (including myself when I was younger) start playing these kind of men games because we did not get met by or receive the loving attention from our father that we craved. We can heal this by reconnecting and meeting ourselves.
I remember playing this game at 5! It is definitely an energy that we let run our bodies, I have conscious memories of flirting with one particular man, and feeling how uncomfortable it made him and enjoying that! I definitely would put that down to not feeling met in my early relationships, not because they were neglectful but because we don’t value meeting each other in our day to day interactions so we are all running on empty and then anything can fill us up.
I agree Nicola quite often the games we play are because we have not been truly met by our fathers and therefore don’t really know how to be intimate and loving with another so playing a game becomes an easy option to keep someone interested. While I didn’t play the cat and mouse game, I never really allowed the fullness of me to be seen, and would hold back from showing my true feelings just in case I got hurt.
True Nicola, this hurt of not being met by our father and for the men by their mother is been played out in relationships a lot. Becoming intimate with ourselves is and healing this hurt by as you say reconnecting and meeting ourselves is the key to be able to have intimacy in our relationships.
Absolutely Doug, well said. Great to clock when we are being untrue and allow ourselves the grace to make a ‘mis-take’ and continue loving ourselves and the other.
Oh, so simple Doug, yet so bang on! That’s it though in a nutshell, be yourself and get on with it. The rest is really a waste of time.
I love that comment Doug, it is so true :).
So very true Marika, life is a circle.
Thank you for describing so clearly how much we influence that what comes towards us. We can bring a lot of change just by changing our way of living.
So true Esther. Life turns out to be a reflection for us and so if we change the way we live, our interactions that we have change also.
It is amazing how our inner change influences the outside experiences, many years ago I decided to start to be more polite and courteous whilst travelling on public transport as I was becoming rude like everyone around me, solely focussed on where I needed to get to and disengaged with others. Immediately I started to experience people being courteous to me, young teenage boys being tender and respectful it blew me away how much the world changed in relation to my choice to take responsibility for how I was travelling. It is fascinating and empowering.
Great sharing, Anonymous. What we are putting out energetically is certainly a measure of our self worth or the lack of it and many women are experiencing or have lived this experience. It is very freeing to be able to connect in an honest and loving way without the undertones of need.
The more we love and appreciate ourselves and have a sense of who we are as a woman, the less we need from men. Then we can just be with them. And I agree, we play an equal part in the game that is playing out between men and women.
“The more we love and appreciate ourselves and have a sense of who we are as a woman, the less we need from men” The less attention we need from anyone as we become content with ourselves.
This game is a form of hiding, because we never get to show how we really are.
This is so true Mariette, the need is only there because we do not feel all of the woman we are within our self, leaving a sense of emptiness that we try to fill up with the attention of others.
The gender games are meant to keep us in the predetermined roles not being ourselves, but staying in the cycle of role playing. With this true connection between men and women and between women and between men is undermined and living in brotherhood is impossible. There is a reason why we are held in this separating energy as our true power is brotherhood.
That is true Rachel, the true power is in brotherhood and whilst we engage in these games of control and manipulation all based on massive lack of connection to our divine self we live a million miles away from what is so easily possible.
I agree Rachel, staying in the gender game is a set up and at some point we need to make the choice if we want to play ball with that or return to our true way of life, which is brotherhood.
Well said Doug. Brotherhood is our natural state, yet we live in the tension of not living in brotherhood. While we still play these games between the sexes brotherhood is not possible and we live with the tension this causes.
Very powerful statement Rachel ~ ‘There is a reason why we are held in this separating energy as our true power is brotherhood’
A great read; this made me think about the different roles and games I have played with men in the past. It also made me question what my role was in creating this dynamic and the potential impact this has on all relationships between men and women. Are we really creating the relationships we deserve or settling for something else based on past experiences?
The games we all play in society and are set up to do by everything is quite horrific when claimed and seen for what they are. Only from first learning to love and honour ourselves can we love others truly and with honesty and consistency learn to stop these games and bring the warmth and love we are to our lives.
Men and women equally have the power to change how we are with each other, and it begins with how we are with ourselves.
Wow – what a way to share Anonymous. I am blown away by your honesty and willingness to go there. At first I found myself defending my own actions, refusing to believe that I have sought attention from men for my physical appearance, refusing to acknowledge that I have hooked men and rejected them so many times I lost count. Eventually I was able to feel I have played all the games you describe. It is profound to allow myself to see this and let go of the judgment I have placed on myself and others.
I have felt myself completely change around people when a man walks into the room. I thought it was normal, that you act differently around men then you do with girls or women. It sounds really silly now I say it and it makes no sense to be different around people of the opposite sex. The whole game of recognition and attention completely distorts the possibility of true connection, like you’ve experienced Anon. Now, I am me no matter who I am with, whatever age or sex, it’s all the same because I’m with me first before another.
The first step to ending the game we play with the opposite sex is admitting we are playing a game when we pretend that we are not. This is a great and honest account of the way we get caught up playing less than the all that we are. If we are able to have a true relationship with ourselves, then this becomes the foundation for our relationships with others.
This is a truthful account of the way many of us as young woman and men behave, mostly this comes about due to our disconnection to our inner heart and the confusion we have from the mixed messages we receive from society as we mature. There is no intention to harm rather a little like a conquest, almost a game, but often a harmful one. As you say once we become honest and aware of this we make those changes that see us as all equal sons of God. Thank you Anonymous.
Sad to say I have also done this in the past, attracting men, all because of a neediness due to lack of my own self worth.
To have learned through Universal Medicine and Serge and Natalie Benhayon where this originates and take the needed steps to heal is a wonderful ongoing exploration of me and who I truly am. No more sexual or predatory energy radiating out. More equal open and genuinely loving relationships, not only with men now but more importantly with myself. With self love there is no need. A great relief for men I am sure, no pressure to be anything other than who they are.
Thank you for your honesty about how you controlled your interactions with men and the ‘sneaky energetic game’ that you played. Beautiful to read how you have now taken responsibility for yourself and your behaviour and how this is reflected in the way your relationships have changed. We all have a responsibility to avoid energetic games and be the change we want to see – for me getting honest about the games I have played is crucial to understanding the part I have played and committing to change.
I’d never before appreciated just how hard many women find it to trust men. It is great to gain this deeper understanding as it allows me as a man to be more understanding myself when women are standoffish, which I have found happens a lot. Thank you anonymous for your honesty and your willingness to change.
Learning to just be with men and be myself is all fairly new to me. Same here Anon, and something I feel ready to explore playfully…..
This line really stood out for me this morning “I am learning to be responsible for my own self worth,not relying on others to fill that cup”. After reading this the old saying ‘is your cup half full or half empty’ came to mind. My response would always be half full. This in itself then got me feeling what is filling the other half? The word ‘responsibility’ came to me. If we are not taking full responsibility for ‘all’ our actions, words – our livingness, how can another reflect back to us their truth – hence a breakdown in connection, communication and relationships. I had a wake up call from reading this today Anon – thank you.
It takes an enormous amount of honesty to come to the realisations you have had Anon, and to all our great benefit these lessons are shared with us all. The games that are there in relationships not just with our partners but with everyone are rife and cause so many tensions, issues and dramas. All in the face of the simple fact that all we truly seek is love and to be love.
What amazing relationships we can build with men if we let go of needing to be sexually attractive. It’s like the sexual energy gets in the way of true connection. And what a relief to be seen for who we actually are. We do have a part in how we are seen by men. We cannot go blaming men for the portrayal that we ourselves create and put out.
Thank you Anonymous, this is an essential conversation to have because so many women, self included seek that sexual energy as a way to feel good about ourselves but in reality we are allowing ourselves to be objectified and hence abused. Sexual energy does not equal true love and affection, but I was so needy of this I happily accepted the former as a poor substitute. The presentations of Serge Benhayon and Natalie Benhayon has empowered me to heal my neediness and re-connect to who I really am. In doing I find that men no longer direct sexual energy at me because I am no longer asking for it, I am no longer basing my worth upon it. The past 10 years have been about restoring my self worth and building a loving, tender, intimate relationship with myself that is now unfolding into all my relationships with men and women. As you say, the way we allow women to be treated in our society is the responsibility of both genders and the benefits are immense and very healing, for when we truly live as the precious, divine women we are, love, intimacy and nurture becomes the natural order of the day.
I love this. I recognise all that you have talked about. I was very practiced at these games and tricks too. I know a lot of women who would be devastated if men stopped giving them attention. It simply exposes how much we rely on this for our own self-worth. It is great to start filling this cup for ourselves and not relying on men to do this for us. It is one of the ways to self-empowerment.
Great point you raise here Rebecca:”It is great to start filling this cup for ourselves, it is one of the ways to self-empowerment.”
I too have changed how I am around men because I am also not looking for them to give me anything, not even my husband! I have a feeling of completeness and wholeness within me and if at times I don’t feel this, then I stop and feel into why.
Yes, we have escalated the war of the sexes for far to long. It is time to end the games. When we respect everyone equally the world around us changes and so do we.
“I am learning to be responsible for my own self-worth, not relying on others to fill that cup.” So true, when we discover the true beauty and love that we are we can just be ourselves and all our relationships are a sharing of who we are.
Thanks Anonymous for saying it how it is with the games women can play with men for their own self worth. I saw myself in your blog, as far as gauging if I was desirable or enough by the attention I received. I didn’t turn to ice afterwards though, I was always in relationships but that didn’t mean I wasn’t rejecting men… I rejected them by using them to fill me up and not truly seeing them and who they were. This has changed, thanks to Serge Benhayon, and it is such a joy to really meet men, and have many lovely connections with male friends.
This sentence stood out for me: ‘I no longer have huge amounts of sexual energy thrown at me. This may sound strange, but I had to adjust to this and my self-worth went under the microscope’. I can totally relate and remember wondering if there was something wrong with me too.
I relate to what you write about, as there have been times I’ve played similar games. I see now that it came from having a lack of self worth and needing a man to give it to me. It is a pretty horrible way to go through life for everyone involved.
You’ve touched on a very important point anonymous — in blaming men for the treatment of women as sexual objects we put ourselves off the hook. But we — that is, women — feed and invite this behaviour because of the lack of self-worth that dominates. It’s up to every woman to be honest with herself about how lack of self-worth dictate her behaviours and hence her life, and then the dynamics between men and women will change — enormously.
Beautiful Anon, you have clearly exposed the games we play as women and shown how by taking responsibility we do not have to be the object of unwanted sexual attention.
‘It felt good that men liked me but I wasn’t interested in them.’ This statement could be said for a lot of women, myself included. I based my ‘value’ and self worth on my ‘marketability’ as a woman. I am grateful to know now that this is completely false and my ‘value’ for want of a better expression, is based on the love I live within me, that my ‘value’ is my own and no-one else’s.
“Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women. Neither one has to wait for the other to make a change – both a man and a woman have the power to make great changes.”
Women (as well as men) have their part in the suppression and sexual objectifying of women, by not addressing their low self worth and low self esteem issues, and hiding in the comfort of not stepping into and embracing the gorgeous, tender, sacred beings they are, with all the power that this brings, this has been a great loss to men as we dearly need women in their true essence of femininity and still nature to keep us from going far astray.
“No wonder men treat women this way, if this is what women are expecting and wanting. Women are often asking men to treat them this way, and when they don’t, we can begin to feel worthless.” Women and men have had this age old contract that says, we will both play games and roles to attract one another as in a role we feel safe and protected and don’t have the responsibility of bringing all of who we are to a relationship or friendship, in this irresponsibility we can then complain and criticize each other, avoid intimacy, tenderness and love and the glorious union and evolution that is offered in all relationships, thus reducing them to a contract and or agreement.
I love your honesty and what you have exposed here anonymous, the ‘sexy’ image or front that women put on to get attention from men , then blame men for objectifying them, yet they have already done it to themselves in the way they seek attention from men. This image is also a protection as it covers up who we truly are so there is no vulnerability, as we don’t allow the other person to meet who we really are, but only this sexy image or role we are playing, thus we stay safe and protected, yet underneath we long to be truly met and have real intimacy and connection with another. These roles can be played out the other way round, a man playing it out with a woman, or between two people of the same sex.
“I was so used to having men attracted to me and letting me know, that I started to feel like I was unattractive or that something was wrong with me.” I can very much relate to what you are saying here, when I was younger man I had a lot of women attracted to me and I used this to take advantage of them, I also used it as a way to boost my low self worth. I used women in this way and would dress and act in a way that got their attention. When I look back now I also see how I was being used and not met for who I am. As I got older this changed and I felt old and unattractive and have had to look at my lack of self-acceptance, and self worth.
Brilliantly said Anonymous. There is an undercurrent in life, a game that is permanently going on of exchanging looks and focus, attention and cold shoulders. This roulette we as men and women play with our emotional needs just like the casino is a game where ultimately, we all loose. It’s big to hear but I agree it’s very clear that when we stop feeding this need, our own deep lack of self-worth is there underneath. I know it has been this way for me. Thank you for writing and sharing about how it feels to truly connect and come out the other side.
For me too Joseph! All that Anonymous has so thoroughly exposed allows me the space and further inquiry into where it is I may still be allowing the roulette to continue, by avoidance of building more love for myself. Its high tide that game be stopped, for us all.
This blog really highlights for me the lack of appreciation we have for ourselves and indeed grow up with. This lack of understanding of how wonderful we are for just being ourselves can lead to all sorts of needs – including getting men to look at us to feel some kind of distorted self worth. What’s worrying about these sorts of needs is deep down we don’t even like the attention we receive but we settle for it, and in those transactions we can also treat others in a cold and manipulative way. A foundation of appreciating ourselves is a huge panacea for so many of these need-based ills.
Relationships are simple, be yourself and if you like someone, tell them but don’t invest in an outcome, outcomes are KILLER!
When we want an outcome and thus have expectation, there is a need in us we like to have fulfilled. With honesty towards ourselves relationships are simple like you say Harrison but this is what we all are learning to be who we are with each other, not playing games any longer.
Well said Harrison. It is that simple, yet we can become so invested in the outcomes. I know when I do, I feel the tension this causes in my body. Yet when I do not have any attachment or investment in an outcome, there is a huge amount of spaciousness and it feels amazing. There is all the space for me to me and for another to be themselves. Attachments fill up this space leaving little room for anything else.
Shocking to hear of all the games women and men play between each other!
Yea true Harrison. It would be amazing without them!
Interesting and honest post Anonymous, yes, the relationship we have with men as a woman, really does depend on the relationship we’re having with ourselves first. Once I started to feel ok, or more just really real being myself (which started with honesty and deepening this), I was the same/similar not just with men but also others which made relationships more open, fun and natural without all the former pretense covering low self-worth.
Great comment Zofia. It is so true that when our relationship with ourselves is honest, loving and honoring there is a fullness present that we then naturally share with others.
The games between men and women are age old. They are so often based on what we can get from one another, and just occasionally are they are based on a recognition of and respect for the person themselves with no other agenda. I have learnt over the past few years how to let go of the sexualisation that I held for women, and it has been revelatory. I had not appreciated how much weight that put upon my interactions in terms of expectations of both myself and women. Stepping out from underneath that cloak has been very freeing.
It’s great Naren to hear you say that it is possible to release the sexualization of women you previously had. If you can do this, so can others. This should be a central topic in men’s magazines.
Awesome to hear your development, I realised I use to flirt to get what I wanted from male relationships, rather than just ask for what was needed, so I relate Naren.
Agree Naren the hidden agenda that had been played out constantly in all my male relationships was exhausting. Since I stopped sexualizing men I developed very very beautiful relationships with them. Expecting others to fulfill what we have chosen not to is a very dishonest way to live.
The honesty you share is very appreciated, a topic not often shared in the open. There are truths here that I can also relate to on the underlying energy of wanting the attention from men. I’ve also been discovering and re-connecting to offering myself all the loveliness I already am and truly appreciating this from within. If I feel a hook coming up around needing something from a man I now know it’s time to deepen my own self-love and honor my own innate value and qualities. This is where true love and attention is rock solid and forever blossoming. I now know that this cannot be improved on by attentions from another.
Great blog Anonymous, a great healing for all who read it. Thanks for sharing yourself and your insights and awareness.
You raise a great point in your blog, Anonymous. Many women today have self worth issues and feel uncomfortable with their body, and to have men give them attention in the way you described is the perfect ‘quick fix’ and relief to these issues. If a man gives you looks, compliments you or gives you attention then it must mean that you’re attractive! And thus women experience a short period of feeling elevated and good about their bodies. What has happened is that we blame men for the huge increases lately in sexual harassment and abuse, but are all women saying an absolute NO to this behaviour or do some of them encourage it (in one way or another) because it gives them relief of their self worth issues? We need to address sexual abuse from both angles – that men should never feel it’s okay to treat women disrespectfully, but that women need to be clear that this is not the kind of ‘love’ or attention that they truly want.
Beautifully described Susie. We have sold ourselves very short, women and men alike, with all the games for attention we are playing, there is so much more to us than keeping our outer frame and appearance.
Beautifully said Susie. It takes a huge amount of honesty for women to realise they too have a role in abuse of women. It can be easy to blame the men as then as women we do not need to look at ourselves, but we too are responsible.
Interesting Susie, woman cry ‘ sexual harassment ‘ without any understanding they are 50% responsible. If we looked at our 50% and understood our part in the scenario it would bring about a shift and a deeper look at what is inviting the harassment in the first place
Susie Williams, you have explained a lot here very well. In particular, the momentary relief a woman can feel from her own self-worth issues when given attention by men and when it is not the kind of love a woman truly wants it is always bitter-sweet. That moment of relief eats away at self-worth, dwindling it further.
Very clearly expressed Susie.
‘…I never understood how I could have so much attention from men, but not from any of the men I was interested in. The way I was engaging with men didn’t allow for any real connection to develop.’
Thank you anonymous for sharing this – I can say that I felt the same for about 15 years – where I’d never be able to get attention from the men I liked. But never once did I take responsibility in this as not even being myself around them. I used to play the chameleon and try and be what they wanted, rather than who I was. It feels awful in my body now just thinking about how far I would go, but to no avail. And your point here has made it clear to me that if we are not ourselves, people pick up on this.
WOW you are right that is Huge honesty. Awesome and inspiring and great to expose those sneaky games, especially the mind ones Yuk! A few days ago I was reflecting on past relationships and how I haven’t been in a relationship as partner with anyone for quite a while now. What came up was how I have carried within me that I am not worth loving, which was great to feel and let go of. My relationship with myself and others has never been stronger with great thanks to the Benhayon’s and Sara Williams. I love what you have expressed here .. so true ‘Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women. Neither one has to wait for the other to make a change – both a man and a woman have the power to make great changes.’
I love that line too Vicky – There is no need for feminism or any other ism when we all simply take responsibility for our part in the mess.
I know I have been waiting and blaming men for not starting a change, I have tried to manipulate in all kind of ways so I would not have to take responsibility and could stay in my comfortable position of hiding myself. Now I keep building this intimate relationship with me and I am able to observe when old patterns come up again, the sign to be even more honest and love myself to bits.
this is great Anonymous, you have untangled the energetic games played very well, it is great to read and feel that there is so much going on below the surface on a energetic level in the game men and women play. It is inspiring to feel and get honest about the games I play and have played in relation to the other sex.
‘I feel loved and adored just for being me, with no sexual undertones’ having male friends that love and adore us without any agenda is so natural and normal and yet we have created a society where this is extremely rare and trust between men and women has been lost.
It is very true Fiona. There is a lack of true intimacy in our relationships today. When we being to be honest with ourselves we will begin to express honestly with others, through which we re-build the trust that is so needed for truly loving and honoring relationships between men and women to develop.
Yes it is rare but what I have found is that because I have been experiencing the relationships with men that are not with game undertones that this is now how I am experiencing men in my work places and socially which is awesome. In fact yesterday I was in a steam room with 3 burly blokes and I could feel uncomfortableness wanting to take over and I just had acknowledge I felt uncomfortable and to chose to stay open hearted. It felt great to be taking me to new places to see and feel what games are still being played out in places I don’t feel so confident.
Recently, I have been aware of how often I am not myself around people and particularly men. I can feel the impact on my body when I choose to disconnect and it feels horrible. Learning to be myself regardless of the situation is making a huge difference on how exhausted I am or not at the end of the day.
I used to be the same way Fiona as I found it more difficult being around men and was not myself, but now the more comfortable I am with myself the easier it is to talk to men and not feel awkward.
A while ago I noticed in myself that I found it difficult to be around men and that when I was I found it hard to simply be me. It is a strange thing as we are all human. I realised a lot of it came from the games I played with men. When I dropped all that I found I was able to be myself, I could see men for who they were, I could let them in and begin to form friendships.
Great sharing Fiona, I am a single and I notice how this image of being single and how to be around men creeps in. More and more I am letting go of this and I am just me and very open, which creates a lovely intimacy when I am with men. Work in progress ( :
Agree Mariette, the most sexy thing about a person is the developing intimacy they have with themselves and others because of the assuredness in self-confidence that this way of being brings.
I notice this too Fiona, a key for me is adoration. I came to the end of a challenging day yesterday, challenging because I was not myself, only to realise that not once had I connected to the love and adoration for myself that is becoming my normal way of being with me. Once felt, my whole way of being with myself changed and I slept well and woke feeling fresh and fully revitalized, ready in full for today.
This is a great point Fiona, it is exhausting when we are not ourselves.
Thank you for this amazing blog. A while ago I was exploring what was going on in those moments, I felt like leering at a woman and what you say it true. There was 100% something I had to take responsibility for and there was definitely and energy coming from the woman as well.
This is a great point Joel. It takes two to play these energetic games otherwise they would just not be able to happen. The easy way out is to blame another for what they may be bringing but the more honest question would be to ask ourselves how we have allowed that energy/game to play itself out. Then we would be beginning to take responsibility for how we got ourselves into that situation in the first place.
There has to be Joel…it makes sense. It’s a bit like a victim and a bully – one can’t exist without the other. This is not in any way to blame women, or men, it is simply as you say, there is an energy coming from the woman that she is responsible for, and energy from the man that he is responsible for. And even if the sexual energy exists with one of them, it is still their choice to act on it.
Great honesty, thats what it is all about, recognising our responsibility and part in these silly games that have been going on too long.
You explain this dynamic in an interesting way Joel- men ‘leering’ at women and women having a need to be recognised and even making herself energetically alluring. Perhaps this is a bastardization of a true way both sexes can be with each other, a woman walking and being in her full and true beauty is something to naturally be drawn to and appreciate. The key here is the beauty is appreciated and not sexualised.
I love this blog and particularly this section – “Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women. Neither one has to wait for the other to make a change – both a man and a woman have the power to make great changes.”. So true.
Yes, I loved reading that part too. It shows that when either one of us change, the change around us in imminent.
Yes Sarah, I loved this too and feel inspired by the possibility of women feeling their own innate power and sacredness and not needing anything from the outside world. This would make a huge difference in how we connect and interact with each other and not only transform how women are treated by men but how men are treated by women. Without women needing anything from men they are free to equally be themselves and share their qualities with women.
I like this paragraph too, there is no need for anyone to wait for another or others to make the changes we like to have and live in this world, we all have the power to do so and live it every day and this may inspire others to do the same.
Well said Esther and Sarah, only if we step up and assume the responsibility for the games we are playing we can initiate true change. Blame has been far too long part of the game.
I love this part also Sarah as it highlights the power we all equally have. As it is true, we are the ones that can change the nature of all the relationships we are in.
Absolutely agree, the powerful change begins with ourselves, in our own bodies, in our very relationship with us and who we are. From a foundation built on dealing with our hurts and bringing responsibility to our choices to be anything less than the absolute divine, loving beings that we are begins a great process of healing for more than we could even imagine.
Thank you for highlighting these sentences. This is the big shift for me: being responsible for myself now, rather than waiting for life (or men) to bring something to me first, before I am prepared to make some changes.
Great contribution, thank you. I have also found that it is both men and women who are responsible for how they interact and connect or not and that the women have to become much more honest about their part in the sexualisation of even the most fleeting of encounters. As you so rightly point out, it is the women who actually ask for it for their sense of self worth.
You are so right anonymous we do have an equal responsibility to change the way society views and treats women. There is so much that goes on behind the scenes energetically so we need to open up to each other and express truthfully without playing all the silly games.
I agree Kevin there is so much that goes on behind the scenes energetically and is played out in our minds between the sexes that needs to be exposed before we can honestly express truthfully and I love anonymous your willingness to be open and honest enough to reveal how this has occurred in your life and how you have chosen to be more responsible by stop playing this game and make the changes to reveal the simply natural beautiful true you.
Spot on Kevin, the closer we look or feel the energy, the more we see, it can be very subtle but the games seem to be one of the most common ways for man and woman to interact. Its a slow process for true change but a worthwhile pursuit.
It’s also interesting how we often don’t see the games when we are in them but when we go deeper or have a more honest relationship we can look back and then see it more clearly.
Absolutely Kevin. Honesty is key in developing any relationship and with ourselves first. Without honesty there is no trust hence the mechanisms of protection from being hurt we engage, through which harmful and dis-honoring games are played. These games will continue to dominate the relationships in our society unless we change to way we are with ourselves first. It is not just about being ‘nice’ to each other but rather about being true and as you say sharing ourselves truthfully as this is when the magic truly happens between us.
Definitely. Games out. Honesty in. From there we can establish respect and openness in the foundation for all our interactions. I find this pretty inspiring in terms of what this can mean for the re-structuring of society.
This is a great example and highlights many issue we face in society with the gender battle. You have dismantled how the game is played and identified that the men are not the only one’s to look at themselves and question why am I objectifying a woman but also to consider the woman role also.
Great point shared here Luke. Often in society we are quick see men objectifying women. This blog is such a honest account of how the roles can be reversed and the role women can play in the mix.
Oh I can so relate to your opening here Anonymous – I also based a lot of my self-worth on if I got attention from men, if I was actually seen, and when I did I felt overjoyed that someone was interested in me. Little did I know in those days that the interest was based on the physical only and if I am honest, I viewed men in the same way. These days, I have discovered so much more about myself, who I am and what I bring, and my body reflects the healing that has taken place on so many levels. Now I enjoy friendships with men not based on physicality but energy and true sharing, and I am so joy-full that I have quite a few men in my life with whom I have such a deep friendship, just like I can have with women.
It is totally revolutionary to read how you now feel that men relate to you and see you first in essence. Even more radical that you now can have fun wearing tighter clothes but no longer in the energy of attracting men in order to reject them and increase your self worth. When we develop our own self-love and take more responsibility, it seems that we no longer need recognition from others so much.
Agree Jenny, the more self-confidence we have in ourselves about ourselves, the less we care about what others want or expect from us, and also us from them too. This is what makes a person truly sexy, being full or comfortable in your own skin through dealing with hurts/afflictions, … and knowing your own value, worth and importance by the loving and accepting way we hold ourselves in life and with people – for others to hold us back with.
A great definition of self worth Zofia, knowing ourselves, connecting to who we innately are so no outer belief or concept can shake that knowing and ever make us feel less or worthless. Beautiful.
Absolutely Kristy, I used to admire people that were joyful in their own skins, I also feel I didn’t appreciate that I was also inspiring when I was expressing from my natural divine essence, And I would also have inspired others. Sometimes we don’t appreciate our own self worth as we are equally inspiring when we are just being connected to our natural inate gifts, we are often too busy self analysing and playing small to notice people’s lovely reflection.
True Jenny, Anon. makes a very clear point that it is not what we wear but how we are, and the depth of our relationship with ourselves that affects how others relate to us.
Yes Jenny, it is truly revolutionary for a woman to claim her body back for herself… It frees the woman and from there men and all others around her as well, when a woman makes this choice. The power a woman holds when she claims back her body is enormous.
Self-love and responsibility is a powerful mix… definitely a game killer.
Samantha your comment is great and made me smile from ear to ear.
A game killer…. self love and responsibility, brilliant and here is to no more games and love for all 🙂
What I find so interesting about this blog Anon, is how you describe all these energetic dynamics of attention, being an ice queen and rejecting men without even engaging with them! It Truly shows that everything is energy and it is not until we get honest about the games we are playing in relationships will things really change. It is wonderful to read how you now relate to men and feel confident expressing yourself as a woman.
I agree Jenny – the power is in the energy we choose to allow to come through our physical body in the form of movement and these movements can be micro and unknown even by us. Being honest is the first step in changing the energy we emit. Thank Anon for sharing your experience and exposing the level of responsibility we have in the choices we make.
This is a good point Jenny, so much goes on energetically between men and women (and people of the same sex) without even speaking or engaging with them, we can attract someone and reject them all without engaging with them on physical or verbal level. So it goes to show that we all are relating on a much deeper energetic level, where everything is registered and felt.
It is quite incredible how much weight and investment we give to the spoken word and how much denial we have about what is unspoken in our relations with each other. Jenny and Thomas, this is confronting yet also reveals our power and potential when we take energetic responsibility for ourselves.
Yes Jenny energy is always at play, it just depends on if it is love or not. Being honest about the thoughts and actions we are having helps expose what is going on energetically, and what and why we are choosing this. I loved reading how Anonymous healed what was not real within her relationships which allowed space to nurture open and loving relationships with men.
In reflecting on the patterns I fell into in relationships …. I really was not choosing at all and handed over my responsibility to another energy which is such a dishonest way of relating to myself and others.
It is all about energy and choosing the quality of energy we want to align to … Otherwise it will be fed to you.
This is a great and truthful blog. Would the next step be to have a relationship with a man and to see what happens? The one thing we lose in a close relationship is control about whether we get hurt as the other is able to inflict great pain on us. However, being ready for the possibility of this, which may never happen, may be 80% of what it takes to be in a relationship. Neither of us is perfect and we can grow in a relationship even if we have a lot of sorting out to do, if we are ready to be honest and deal with what comes up, which means we are ready to get to the truth. That can then be very joyful.
One of the most helpful things I have learnt from what Serge Benhayon presents is that we can either make our relationships about evolution or comfort. That is, we can remain true to ourselves to the best of our ability and committed to forever deepening and expanding this connection with ourselves and each other. Or, we can choose to live in a comfortable arrangement, never questioning the way things are or asking each other to go deeper and live more of the love that we are. Choosing evolution is not always easy in a world set up to reward comfort but it is very rewarding and a lot of fun.
Liane I feel the relationship with the discomfort …that we usually go to great lengths to avoid, is the evolutionary part and not uncomfortable at all but clearing of patterns, ideals and absolutely a lot of fun and very rewarding. It has indeed been a set up for us not to evolve but to think and be in the illusion we are safe in comfort.
Very true Kristy. Nothing can then get in the way.
Thank you for sharing this Christoph. When I connect to the fact that relationships require me to commit to myself first it allows me to see that the only person that can truly hurt me is me.
This point has been transformational for me – that I am the only person who can hurt me. When the foundations of my relationships come from the relationship I have with myself the relationship has a rock solid foundation. If I bring in expectations, attachments and numerous other things then it is very easy for me to get hurt.
What I can observe in couples is, that the biggest challenge is, dealing with the issues and to be joyful at the same time. My feeling is, when a couple has reached this state – being joyful while dealing with issues, that this is the best foundation to grow as a couple.
Love this anonymous and I can so relate having been caught in this game. It is so empowering as women and men to reclaim back ourselves and our relationships with each other in this way. I can feel the more we develop an intimacy with ourselves, letting go of old ideals and beliefs the easier it becomes to develop a true intimacy with men, as you truly love who you are.
The relationship we develop with ourselves is definitely the key to letting go of what stands in the way of having a true relationship with others, game free.
Yes I agree Jade. As we develop true intimacy with ourselves, that meaning to know our selves deeply inside and out – we can then bring this depth to all our relationships. Really getting to know others.
Thank you for this Anonymous. For pretty much my whole life and still today I have lived as a ‘loner’ with maybe one or two friends, guys were rarely interested in me and now I have started to develop a friendship where the person wants to spend time with me. This has brought up a lot of wariness and doubt and mistrust of ‘why are you so keen to spend time with me?’. I have perpetuated this image that I am not worthy of friendships or friendly, open conversations and have controlled relationships so that they remain prickly and end on sour notes or put myself out so that others will like me but I end up feeling sour afterwards. All to avoid the fact that there is nothing wrong with me being with other people just as who I truly am. All to avoid the fact that I chose to reject myself and my light shining in the world first and foremost.
Wow – what an awesome sharing Leigh.
Wow Leigh…such an equally honest sharing as this blog. It feels like there is a lot of healing to be done around trust in relationships for both men and women.
Leigh that could be a blog… Your honesty in exposing the game you have played is very candid and you are obviously ready to shift the relationship you have with yourself and thus with others. Keep your light on!
I agree Leigh. A beautiful base for a blog.
Anonymous your candid sharing has really struck a chord with me. I too spent many years hooking guys in, even if I wasn’t particularly interested in them. I would reel them in just to boost my low self esteem and then cast them adrift just as quickly. I was never without someone that I was playing with. I had glimpses from time to time that all I was doing was filling a bucket with a hole in it but none the less I continued in this way for a very long time before finally mending my bucket with the help of Universal Medicine. Interestingly just last week I felt the faint threads of this old behaviour in my body, I am watchful still and open to feel what the threads are attached to within me. I am also aware that if I can feel the threads, then so too can others.
Struck an almighty chord with me too Alexis. As just yesterday I experienced how readily connection is available to us all, all of the time. Between a man and woman even in a single meeting when expressed from a place that is without lure or motive, can be a simple exchange between the sharing of two hearts, and in that a healing for them both that they then walk away with.
‘a simple exchange between the sharing of two hearts, ‘ gorgeous !
Anonymous, you have opened up several very valuable topics here with the strength of your honesty. You have demonstrated clearly that neither sex is solely to ‘blame’ for their behaviour because both sexes respond to each other. I love how you have shown through your own lived example that if we change the way that we are with others then they change how they are with us.
Absolutely Alexis – we cannot blame one gender for the problems that the world faces today. There is a 50:50 ratio of men to women in our population, and we ALL need to be taking responsibility for our behaviours, choices and the issues (such as sexual harassment) that have arisen because of our previous way of being and responding to one another.
When we appreciate there is a balance between men and women and we both have an equal part to play. If women knew their role to be in connection to their sacredness, the men would equally know their place.
And you know when we connect to the truth of who we are from our heart none of us actually enjoys this silly game we play.Everyone wants to be met for who they truly are, but first we need to connect to that within ourselves.
Yes, Alexis. It was an amazing point of change when I stopped blaming men for the dysfunctional relationships I have had and realised (which is an ongoing multi layered process of revelation!) that instigating and allowing myself to change is first and foremost my responsibility and also a great opportunity to shift habitual patterns in me, in relationships and rippling out, in life.
Any true change has to absolutely start with ourselves. I have definitely noticed the impact around me for all the true changes I have made for me and I know that for the areas I continue to bring this change to, will also be a support and impact on others. But without the self changing first the rest cannot take place in truth.
Change can only take place in others, once we take responsibility for ourselves. I have noticed so much changes in my life, with women and men, just because I started taking responsibility by being respectful and loving to myself. I started to receive the beautiful reflection from others.
Thank you anonymous. A very interesting blog and one I can relate to in many ways. I grew up thinking men were another species. Any connection with them was only through having a partner, having to work with them or if they were a family member. Otherwise I kept them at arms length. Not sure where that all came from, but now being more connected to myself I can see how I have missed many opportunities to have friendships with lovely men. Still its never too late.
I love this, Debra, literally seeing men as a different species. And that is something that is quite embedded in society, setting up the gender disparity, competition and ‘race’. Neither men nor women want this. But there is an unwillingness almost to make the first move. Well, as you say, it is never too late and one by one we can re-write history simply by taking responsibility for ourselves and stepping into life without agendas and games.
‘I’m discovering friendships with men… and no longer playing the sneaky energetic games’. That is huge for all of us. These games we play are so entrenched, playing out between the sexes in their billions and infecting relationships in a very deep and damaging way. Its allowed because its so normal, so common. Yet the difference of even one true friendship, regardless of what sex, founded on being true, being you is equally huge. It starts to create a new normal and counters this underlying pattern making it available to everyone.
My dad always used to tell me that Shakesphere said if you can count the amount of true friends you have on one hand you die a rich man… or something along those lines. This always help me to appreciate the solace I feel within myself and confirmed to me that we don’t need to compromise to be in relationship.
This is powerful Simon Williams; true intimacy re-claimed and lived by a few, makes it available for the many.
Funny you should mention that Simon, I am enjoying friendships at a much deeper level, one in particular that is so open, truthful and expansive, it has definitely changed the quality in which I relate to all. The honesty in that relationship has shifted my expression and connection to being open, paying closer attention to the details and reading . Yes it definitely has ‘ created a new normal’ and patterns of the past being really exposed when I fall back and do not bring my all.
Games are so irrelevant to play when it is actually truth you seek and want to be confirmed for, as well as the love you are.
Through the teachings of Universal Medicine, we now walk alongside our brothers as equals, mutually respectful and enjoying the treasures this new found relationship brings. It is as if we see and feel men for the first time, and can at last appreciate their innately beautiful qualities.
I can definitely relate to this too Kehinde. I remember at one workshop with Universal Medicine and I was in a group with mostly men. When it came my time to share within the group I noticed that all of the men were really listening to what I had to say and they were all looking straight into my eyes. I noticed them like birds on a perch connecting with me, not any particular part of me but me. It stopped me in my tracks and it was the first time I have appreciated men other than my husband.
The way you have expressed this is beautiful Kehinde. I have stopped playing a lot of the games I used to with men and by now seeing men more for who they truly are I realised I have had a lifetime of missing out on the gorgeousness they bring. It was there all along but I chose not to see it. It is now such a joy to have men in my life.
This feels divine Kehinde – beautifully expressed.
This is Huge anonymous! To expose these energetic games we play as men and women. I have come to realise as well that it is never just men or just women being responsible for what is going on between men and women. There is always an interaction that is like you said most energetic, unconscious, but very much there that plays out in the physical. We all feel everything so even if we as women do not by voice reject men but actually do so by energy, they will react and act in a way towards women that the women do not like… Such a game we are All not benefiting from!
True Lieke van Haastrecht. A lot is said in the unspoken, hence the way we move has a huge impact on our relationships.
Indeed Lieke, a game that is void of true joy and the healing that that allows, coming from the choice to truly connect from a place of honouring our self first, and therefore whomever we’re with thereafter.
An honest sharing anonymous and exposes how our own insecurity as women made it difficult for many of us to just be ourselves in the presence of men and instead settled for playing games and used men as pawns. It is a painful read to see how we blamed and treated men but failed to look too closely at what we were up to and why.
Very difficult. I can remember as I began to look at and feel the barriers I put up and it was a lot to face at once. Being aware aloud me to be honest as certain things played out. For example I noticed as a man walked towards me many years ago, I was not able to hold any eye contact. Now I walk towards all people knowing who I am and what I bring.
This is a great article anonymous, this really resonates with me, ‘I now wear shorter skirts and tighter clothes and I do so because I want to enjoy it for myself and not because I want attention.’ I noticed this the other day that I really felt to wear a tight dress for me and not because as would have the case when I was younger – to get attention from men, it felt very different and very lovely wearing this fitted dress for myself, I could feel my lovely curves and i felt gorgeous wearing it and what was lovely was that i was not looking for any comments or recognition from anyone, i felt and looked beautiful and that was enough.
I love that feeling where you KNOW that you look beautiful not because anyone has told you but because you FEEL it and that is all that matters when you don’t seek acceptance or approval from anyone else. That to me is when you really love yourself.
I just had another thought: Loving yourself makes me think of how in the past I thought that was a bad thing, that you couldn’t love yourself otherwise you would be up yourself and I am so glad that I have gotten rid of that belief!
Great point Rosie. I remember at school the saying that someone loves themselves was a bad thing. I too have gotten rid of that belief and enjoy seeing and being with someone who loves themself. My daughter said to me the other day “Mum, I just love me” If I had said that as a child it would have been laughed at.
Heidi, my son says this too, ‘I love myself’ I never laugh I simply agree, but when other people compliment him and he agrees with them they laugh because this is not the usual response. I love this confidence that children are naturally born with and it is crazy that it is so often squashed in children and that we are told not to agree that we are lovely, amazing and gorgeous, that it is expected that we will play this down and not be ‘full of ourselves’ when actually is wonderful and natural to be full of ourselves.
I agree Mary – that has been my experience.
And when you know and feel your beauty, you eat in accordance to that, you dress in accordance to that, you sleep in accordance to that – the self loving and self confirming choices come from within to support all we are.
We tend to blame another for the way they treat us without examining what it is we are actually expressing to them on an energetic level. Simply said we get what we asked for and what we ask for is based on how we feel about ourselves. Our believes, hurts, needs and emptiness is what we communicate and ask to be confirmed. If we change the way we are with ourselves what comes back to us will change as well.
So true Carolien we need to be the change we want to see both for society’s benefit but also to establish truer relationships for ourselves.
‘If we change the way we are with ourselves what comes back to us will change as well.’ Well said, Carolien. So many relationship issues are self-worth issues.
Exactly Anne. And in addition if we treat ourselves with the worth we deserve we will start to feel that in our bodies and know that we are worth all the love in the world. A beautiful cycle to support is to continue to making self loving choices that support and confirm who we are.
I love what you have shared here Carolien. We sure do get what we asked for and that is based on how we feel about ourselves and it happens whether we are are aware of it or not.
I agree Carolien… ‘If we change the way we are with ourselves what comes back to us will change as well’. Taking responsibility of ourselves is enormously powerful in transforming our lives but also in allowing other the space to do the same when unimposed upon by what we would otherwise seek from our hurts and protection.
Absolutely Carolien, and we tend to blame others because it takes out any element of self responsibility from whatever situation we’re in, and we are thus happy to accept that we don’t have to change our choices but the other person has to change theirs. All of this is a way to avoid dealing with the behaviours and actions we’ve developed in reaction to being previously let down or hurt.
Carolien, I love what you have shared “we get what we asked for”, whether it be an energetic and not a conscious thing, it is still felt by others. It is up to us to make the change within ourselves, only then will we see and feel the change come back.
This is so true Carolien, “If we change the way we are with ourselves what comes back to us will change as well.” It’s a win win situation.
Oh yes Carolien, many of us can put our hands up for playing the ‘blame game’ without having given any consideration to our part in it. And how true are your words “If we change the way we are with ourselves what comes back to us will change as well.”
Spot on Carolien thank you and the more we can become aware of what we are asking to be confirmed by others, the greater the opportunity to truly heal both ourselves and our relationships.
Anon you touched on something I can relate to, and I feel many women do, when you say that you did not like the attention that was based on how you looked and at the same time you sought it out. As women when we lack self worth we crave the attention that tells us we are accepted and yet we can always feel it is not right. It is a pattern of behaviour between men and women that is based on our hurts and needs. To break this cycle we need to reconnect to what we hold inside so we can meet from the love and tenderness we all are.
That is true Carolien the only way out of this game is to love and appreciate ourselves. If we do not love and appreciate ourselves and we ask for it from another, we will be angry, hurt or let down if they don’t give and equally angry if they do. If they don’t give it we will be confirmed in our lack of appreciation and low self-esteem. If they do give it we think less of them for reasons such as: how can you appreciate me when I am not worth it, or you must be after something because I know I am not lovable or because it brings up hurts in us we are not ready to deal with… and all sorts of stuff like that. There is no escaping that healing our hurts and developing love and appreciation is something that we need to give and develop within and then it is beautiful to share with everyone.
Well said Nicola. We can only receive what we first give ourselves. There could be the most loving partner, friend or person in front of us but we first have to be able to accept love. The acceptance of love is possible when we love ourselves first. I know in the past when I have had love in front of me I have thought something wrong with that person for loving me and in doing so rejected the love or at the very least blocked it even though it was what I was craving. As I’ve developed love for myself I am now much more able to let that love in and accept it.
And it is a responsibility we must not shy away from: getting honest about the games in the first place and then committing to dispense with them, taking ourselves openly and willingly into life to meet others tenderly and respectfully so…
This is not an overnight event, but, one step at a time, a total game changer for us all.
Carolien your words I relate to as I have also played the attention game, which I deemed at the time normal and would fall into relationships without considering that it was a need to feel my self worth (and it was the 70s) Then in my latter years I have been building my connection and relationship so I know who I am in essence and understanding and reconnecting to the long forgotten girl, woman within. At the same time changing the imprints of looking for attention and recognition from outside and instead knowing I am already love and can only meet another with the quality of tenderness, and love I hold within.
That’s such a great point Kristy and so true.
Dear anonymous, your blog is beautifully honest and there must be many women who have played the same game. It seems to me there are two camps; those women who manipulate their sexuality to gain attention from men as a bolster their self esteem, or women who completely hide their sexuality to not gain attention from men who equally have low self esteem. Either way no true communication or connection is made with others. I have been deeply inspired by women who have claimed their self-worth, their beauty, their sexiness and sassiness with not one iota of need for recognition from either men, or women but who have shown their innate sparkle and fullness of expression.
Rachel, I love how you have described the ways that women either hide their sexuality or manipulate it and show off their sexuality in an attempt to deal with their low self esteem. Self worth seems to be a major issue with women and yet it is one of the keys to really changing things. I know for myself, that building my self worth, taking time to love me for who I am has had a huge impact on the way I live and how I am around men and women. I am still working on this, but I can appreciate that I don’t flirt the way I used to or try to get attention like I did in the past and I don’t need to be confirmed by anyone else and that is huge.
Ah Rosie I can cast my mind back to those flirting days and how I would play the ‘innocent’ victim if I received unwanted and sometimes lewd attention. How dare they look at me that way! Such a silly game – total nonsense.
That is a great point Rachel, there are so many different ways we manipulate from putting out a hooking image to holding back and everything inbetween, instead of just being our gorgeous natural open selves. Seems we were taught to seek recognition for everything other than who truly are from a very young age and that puts us into a perpetual cycle that is doomed to fail. Many men and woman through the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have discovered a whole other way to live, a very simple way of living as they truly are that actually works! We have discovered that being who we are allows others to be who they are and from there we have a true and deeply nourishing meeting of mutual recognition and appreciation.
I agree. It is truly gorgeous and deeply inspiring to see what is possible when people accept and love themselves and what they bring as the amazing women they are… and then offer this to another through true, rather than tainted expression.
Well said Rachel. I liked how you pointed out that lack of self worth can play out in many different ways. Without self worth, our want for recognition wouldn’t be there and our relationships would be so different.
I love how you have summarized the way women play a game of relationship. I can feel how these mechanisms are just an armor of protection that we wear in any relationship depending on how we picture ourselves in the dynamics. When we are not fully surrendered to who we truly are, there are layers of protection to go through for us to make ourselves feel secure in relationship/interaction with another, and we already come prepared with shields and ammunitions well beforehand.
I love what you have shared here Rachel and agree- you really do see the two playing out. I was one of the later group you talk about and the behaviour became so cemented that you really do believe this to be true.
We have such a twisted version of sexuality Rachel. It is not a natural expression of who we are, but a strange act, prescribed in movies, photographic images in advertisements and magazines, and music video clips. No wonder we either immerse ourselves in the act or run a mile. I have done both!
Only now, and with appreciation to the women forging this path, are we coming to understand that there is a sexiness that is our natural expression…unique to us. It’s foundation is our beautiful essence, and that is what gives it such strength and the quality of dignity.
We now know we can be sexy and not sell out who we are.
Thank you Anonymous for your raw honesty here. The changes you have brought to yourself through self respect and love for yourself is clearly felt in your writing. As you Serge Benhayon and Natalie have inspired you, so you are inspiring other women.
I love how inspiration ripples on further than we can imagine. A divine plan.
One enormous heavenly pond!
To finally come to the understanding that the signals that I was giving men came from a deep craving for intimacy was a real eye, and heart, opener for me. For years I couldn’t understand why all my relationships were not what I imagined them to be, with most of them ending in a very painful way. I used to love the company of men when I was being one of the boys but the minute I connected to the woman I was then it all got complicated and rather messy. Today, like you, I am learning to be me with men and although I am not in an intimate relationship, the relationship I have with the men in my life is so wonderful. I don’t need to be one of the boys anymore, or to be driven by an inner need; all I have to be, is to be me, the beautiful woman I now know I am.
Yes Ingrid, I can relate to ‘being one of the boys’ and feeling comfortable in that role, but being me, the woman, always made me feel very uncomfortable around men, and women too. I was happy being an androgynous person. This is something that we discussed at a Women in Livingness group in England recently and it was fascinating to start unpicking why this is so.
It is as though we are playing parts with each other…good mate, work colleague, flirt, seducer. None of them are us…simple honest and clear. No wonder we end up in a mess.
So true Rachel we are so much more than this.
You truly make me to ponder on this subject Anonymous, on the fact of why men and women are objectifying one another as sexual objects instead of the precious, loving and tender beings we naturally are. Could it be that in this objectification we find the safety of not having to be intimate with one another, to keep ourselves safe from making ourselves vulnerable in all relationship we have?
Yes, it is a way to keep intimacy out of our lives and to not engage in true relationships.
Thank you Nico, what a beautiful point and so true of both men and women and equally women and women and perhaps men and men. How different it would be if we all related as the precious, loving and tender beings we all naturally are and the fact that at essence we are all already deeply connected and whole.
Great point Nicola. Meeting each other whether it be a man or a woman in their essence is a big start!
I feel you have a great point here Nico, a great sharing. Thank-you, and an awesome blog Anonymous, you have put forth a subject that needs definite consideration, as most relationships do not know the meaning of what it is to truly have an intimate, no need, relationship with another.
Agreed Nico, most of the games played are our way to keeping ourselves safe, to prevent us from going deeper. By playing games in relationships we do not have to surrender and open ourselves up to the fragility and fear of getting hurt. Crazy game, we all want to love and be loved, yet we are terrified of it, so we play games to avoid that which we want the most. Thank goodness for Serge Benhayon, for without him I would have had no idea to the extent of the games I have played. Because of this understanding I have been freed to make different choices and today I have more love in my life than I ever dared imagine possible. Amazing and so simple.
This was my sense too Nico, that it is easier to objectify each other than to take the chance of getting hurt by entering a more intimate relationship. Intimacy is not about sex here but about having conversations that come from a very deep place inside, no borders, walls or protection, just honesty which can feel vulnerable in its intimacy hence the simpler step to relating to each other sexually.
The world is in desperate need of true intimacy. Unfortunately people confuse intimacy with sexual desire, as you say Lucy intimacy is not about sex it is about being open and willing to surrender and go deeper with our love in any relationship whether it be with our partner, family or work colleague. The world would completely change if people were more truly intimate with each other. – it is of cource our natural way.
Whoa this comment really gets me… will have to sit on this one for sure!
This is a great point Nico as our world moves into more and more disconnect, we see these behaviours increasing. It is rampant now that even our kids video games are filled with sexualising women and men. Kids also see sexualised behaviours as the foundation for how men and women relate and this has just become normal.
In times past Nico, I considered myself rather uninhibited and very open with people (men I ought to say) because I was not shy about being sexual with them. What I now know is that it takes far more courage, self-awareness and a deep level of confidence to keep your clothes on, but bare your true nature.
In sexual intimacy we can avoid personal intimacy. It is exposed when we want to get very real with a partner and discover that we are actually afraid to share our deepest concerns. Quite a trick really that fools too many of us into thinking how free we are, when we are are guarded as can be.
In truth, there are no barriers between men and women after all we are all the Sons of God. It is only in our individuality that we bring in complication, neediness and recognition in our male/female relationships. When we approach our relationships of the opposite sex from our essence and feel each other as equals then there are no issues.
Well said Donna. We are each responsible for the complication we bring to our relationships. In truth they are simple.
I love this Nikki – “We are each responsible for the complication we bring to our relationships. ” So true, and once understood and felt, we can change this and allow more simplicity into our lives again.
True, Donna, and not only are there no issues we can learn so much from the qualities that the other offers and from there grow together. True brotherhood can only emerge when we all appreciate to be a Son of God and work together on an equal basis.
Well said Donna.
Donna, powerful and true. ‘When we approach our relationships of the opposite sex from our essence and feel each other as equals then there are no issues’. It’s great to have this awareness now, it makes life much more simple and relationships with men more precious.
Yes, and this applies to how we approach both men and women, or children… when we approach from our essence and feel each other as equals, have respect and understanding and no judgement or expectations then there are no issues.
Yes because the pressure to perform is off and every one can just be the awesome and loving beings they naturally are.
This is spot on Donna. When we are accept that we are all equal, men and women alike, then there are no issues. How simple is that?
that’s beautiful Donna.
Spot on Donna, you cannot get any clearer than that. This reflection is important in bringing back what relationships are truly about. We are in relationship all the time with others. This brings back respect and decency, with the openness to communicate, to showing your vulnerability to how sensitive you are, and that deep beauty that is within that all need to see and should see. These are a natural qualities and I am saying yes to these to the best of what is possible from my body that sometimes needs support to act in this way in full.
I too have played the gender games in the past using a hooking energy towards men for them to like me which was an attempt that I made to temporarily feel better about myself. When I stopped playing these games, like you Anon, I thought that something was wrong with me because I was no longer getting the attention that I once had enjoyed. However, over time, what replaced the games have been beautiful and loving friendships with men that carry no sexual undertones. Through The Way of the Livingness, I have come to fill my own cup which has left me free to not have a neediness of men.
Its amazing how relationships change for the better when we take the time to just let things be. All we have to do, is be our natural selves, and allow the men to drop their pressures too.
we all win from this, and being ME is way more fulfilling than trying to be fulfilled by getting men to give me attention.
Beautifully said Donna. It’s amazing the depth of love I feel for many men now without any sexual undertone whatsoever. I do still catch myself though holding back around some men as a way of control when I don’t want them to ‘think’ I’m interested in them. But I know this is false because by me holding back, they’re not getting to feel the fullness of me which doesn’t contain any sexual energy. In the holding back, I know they are getting a filtered version of me which I feel does send mixed messages. I’m aware of it and a WIP with it.
I can relate to that too Sandra- of holding back from men worrying about whether they think you will be interested in them. In that it totally dismisses them.
Great point Sandra – we send out mixed messages when we are holding back because the holding back leads us to seek validation outside of ourselves.
Yes I completely recognise that feeling of holding back in case men think I’m interested in them. It’s a rejection of the man, of self, of intimacy of the non-sexual variety, and simply plays into the hands of dividing men and women more from recognising the beauty and amazing qualities each brings.
I can also relate to the holding back in certain situations with men which really comes from a lack of trust in holding true to myself to simply just be me and knowing that if this stirs up anything in the other person, that is for them to deal with and there is healing there to be done. If we hold back, no one evolves.
If we hold back, no one evolves and who are we to know how another will respond. We cannot control their part, we can only be responsible for our part.
I totally understand what you are saying Sandra, I ‘think’ that way too sometimes “I don’t want them to ‘think’ I’m interested in them”. When I feel this that points to me having a need to be seen. When I am love, AND, love them, melt them, pour it out, it is a confirmation of who I am. The feeling is mutual with nothing else coming in on the fact that you are being loving and they know that too.
I love this Rosie ‘Through The Way of the Livingness, I have come to fill my own cup which has left me free to not have a neediness of men.’
I can so relate to the energy out play and the games yet at the same time carrying the hurt. I am deeply appreciative and thankful for Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine, The Way of the Livingness and all the student body – for now I feel and live my own yumminess and love that in confirmation with my beautiful husband and gorgeous daughter.
I know what you are talking about Mary, people do notice and feel you and want to be a part of it, I often have people just randomly wanting to sit and chat and connect. I love it, and they do to.
I can relate to your comments Donna. It is such a beautiful process to get over the feeling that there might be something wrong with us (when we are not getting the wrong kind of attention anymore) through the deepening of one’s own self-love. From there sexual energy is really obviously felt, and an easy thing to renounce. The beauty of our essence and the possibility of a true relationship are just not something I would even compare with the sense of satisfaction one can get from sexual energy.
‘…I have come to fill my own cup…’ What a beautiful and holding expression Donna. We are whole to begin with and supporting our own completeness eradicates our neediness in all areas of our lives. I still don’t hold this known truth all the time though.
Hello Donna, and like we are all saying, to play the “gender games” it takes at least 2 players and while you have had your part, men have a responsibility here to. The Way Of The Livingness has brought us self awareness, not to shut out the world, men or women but to open us up to see what is really happening before our eyes. We see that life goes around in circles if you let it, and truly, we never actually go anywhere. The “gender games” are on the change and the more one party makes a choice not to play, the more the other can and will choose the same.
“Both men and women have a role to play in changing the way society views and treats women. Neither one has to wait for the other to make a change – both a man and a woman have the power to make great changes.” This is very true anonymous and we can choose to stop blaming and focus on understanding and healing what truly is going on for us and others.
What a great way to start Katinka – with honesty, understanding and responsibility!
I agree Angela; ‘honesty, understanding and responsibility’ and then comes Truth and all else dissolves!
indeed it is just a matter of one of us stopping playing the game we have equally been stuck in for so long. Men can be their true natural selves, which is just as tender and sweet as women. Women can be their natural selves which is in truth, way more attractive than the career driven, sex-bomb, super mum combo we think we have to be in this world. One day just being US will be all we will aim to be. And that is way more than enough!
I have only just come to realise in the last few years, the responsibility that I have as a woman in regards to what I say yes to and what I accept in any relationship. In the past, I would just allow certain behaviours and think that was normal or all I deserved as I didn’t see that I am equally responsible if at some point I have been part of any relationship. It takes two to tango they say, and it takes two or more to have a relationship with another so all parties are responsible.
I love the honesty that is being presented here, inspired by such a beautiful blog. Yes, Rosie totally agree, it does take two to tango and we can blame till the cows come home but that will never support either side to evolve. It is for each of us to take responsibility for our choices and for what we allow and from there we will all grow.
Hear hear – it is so!
I can relate to this of just being prepared to accept anything from men. My lack of worth saw me just wanting any sort of attention. I put myself in all sorts of different situations that then perpetuated the lack of worth. I am very appreciative of the men I have in my life who never treated me in this way as they have been fundamental in supporting me to recognise my worth and not accept less.
I know that feeling of settling for any attention because any is better than none but then I also know how sad I felt when I did…. and for this we cannot blame anyone else but ourselves.
“I am equally responsible”. Could you imagine if we all lived our lives in the knowing that we are equally responsible? Or even just responsible? The world is propping us all up because of the incredible lack of responsibility that many of us are living our lives.
Absolutely Sarah, the thing that I see so much is that responsibility is something that has been regarded as having to be this for another, i.e. as a parent, responsible for our children, or as a partner responsible for our partners. Yet, what if responsibility was essentially being honest with how we feel in our bodies, how we move our bodies and how we are with others. Imagine the way we would be as parents, partners and community members if this was how responsibility was looked upon.
Yes Leigh, I agree I used to see responsibility as something I had to be for others. Its not until recently that I have really looked at how this applies to myself and how crucial it is when I look at the unloving choices I used to make compared to now. I like the simple way you describe responsibility as ‘being honest with how we feel in our bodies, how we move our bodies and how we are with others.’
I love what you share here Leigh, because if we make it about responsibility for ourselves first and foremost, instead of getting distracted in everyone else, we then show the way and lead by example for our children.
Yes Sarah. and taking responsibility is actually very freeing. As we emerge from under a mountain of irresponsibility and start to live our lives taking responsibility, everything simplifies .
So true, and society has moved towards not taking responsibility overall – just look at our legal systems where there are constantly ways being sought of ‘getting people off the hook’ so to speak.
Hi Susan, yes a big ouch while realising this for myself.
It absolutely takes two to tango but it only takes one to change a relationship – and so our responsibility deepens.
Let’s not wait for someone else to change, lets lead the way and be the change.
Be the change, be the love – awesome.
It absolutely takes two to tango but it only takes one to change a relationship – and so our responsibility deepens.
Me too Susan, but what I’ve found most shocking is the level of abuse I have accepted from myself. It is this that then informs and influences the way I see the world and hence what I see as acceptable behaviour directed at me or in the world generally. As you say, what we give to ourselves naturally comes into our relationships so if this is love, then we can literally change the world.
I have found this too Lucy…we can do so much harm to ourselves not only physically – like hardening in reaction to whats going on around us but we can also do just as much harm with all the negative self talk, some of which can even be unconscious. However it is all felt within our bodies which feel every choice we make.
I can say the same Susan, my lack of self worth really fuelled the types of men I got involved with, but at the time I didn’t see that. It really brings it home to me now what we actually take into a relationship if we do not have a healthy foundation first.
Susan I too can relate to this. A lack of responsibility which is accepting and settling for less than love is a recipe for disaster for all relationships.
Yes Monica, and if we just take care of our part, and have an understanding of the other, without any need to control it allows them to feel their choices and not feel judged so that they are open to change if they want.
So true, and what a huge realisation to have, I have had the same and what I have allowed as a consequence of my ill thoughts about who I was. No more now, thanks to all the presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, and the ongoing journey of discovering who I am and the huge amount of love I hold within as well as letting that out now, just awesome when the reflections appear.
Absolutely Katinka. It is us working on ourselves and claiming what is true for each and every person on this earth. And to add both men and women have a role to play in changing it for both men and women.
Just last night my daughter picked up a sentence in a show where the woman was passively putting down the man and not taking responsibility for her part. My daughter said ‘hey you have done that too’ and ‘it’s not all the mans fault’. I thought this was amazing and I appreciated the equal reflection my husband and I offer her.
Yes! Stop the blame! Something society seems to accept as normal. If we all took a bit more responsibility for what we are projecting as Anonymous has done here, we’d realise that actually, the other sex is not so bad, in fact they are amazing.
I love this Elodie, very true. If we all took a bit more responsibility for OUR part to play in life, relationships and with other people, then we’d be looking much less to blame others (and blame the other gender) for all of our problems.
We are all amazing, and all ultimately yearning for the same thing love, truth and connection in our lives.
So true, all we have to do is live all of that with ourselves first and shine that out to the rest of the world, and the world can’t but respond.
That is so true Elodie.
blaming is only one way to avoid feeling and avoid taking responsibility for our part in it – not a good medicine practice
Katinka it is so true, it all comes down to responsibility, if one chooses to be responsible for themselves then this will cause changes around them. With responsibility comes truth, love and openness.
That quote really stood out for me too Katinka – it feels so much more empowering when we can come together to change both our and society’s perception of the relationship between men and women. I knew this was something in my heart that was true – that men and women could share intimate and loving relationships with one another – but I did not have the insight or know how.
Beautifully said Katinka. We so easily blame others for what goes wrong, whereas we do have the choice to stop and consider that maybe it is oursleves that we need to be looking at. And when we do this, we can truly begin to heal our hurts and the patterns that we go into that create these situations. We do indeed all have the power to make these changes in our lives.
I can relate to this article from a different perspective. I was always terrified of being rejected by men so I totally shut off from them and made myself unattractive. My behaviour then resulted in this happening and I felt unworthy or that it wasn’t possible for any man to like me and if they did I then wondered what was wrong with them for liking me. What I put out got confirmed by others.
What I put out got confirmed by others. I too lived my own creation as you speak about here MW, in a past relationship, having no self worth and not trusting my own inner wisdom or my partner, resulted in infidelity and eventually, a dissolving of our relationship. The world is a huge mirror that is constantly reflecting our choices.
Our society just loves playing the blame card, self responsibility is very rarely taken. Blame is a heavy emotion and does not get us anywhere only more deeper into the negativity we were coming from in the first place. True freedom is taking responsibility for our choices and moving on.
Well said Samantha, blame does feel very heavy and often attempts to drag down all around us too. It is a heavy price to pay and one that is unnecessary for we can find that freedom as you say. Just a willingness to see we have a role to play in all our eventualities is a great start in changing the patterns that play out. And most often they will be patterns we see repeat, and if this is the case we can really start to say, ok that wasn’t just unlucky, its something i’m doing and I can ensure this doesn’t repeat again.
That is a great point Stephen, saying it “wasn’t just unlucky”. Many people describe things like ‘it is just the way it is’, ‘this is just my character’ or ‘bad luck’, but saying it like that makes us not feel our part in it, and with that not our responsibility in what is happening before us. Starting to see that nothing ‘just happens’ and that there is no such thing as ‘bad luck’ frees ourselves of irresponsibility and opens us up for the possibility to make choices, changes and with that take responsibility of our own lives.
“True freedom is taking responsibility for our choices and moving on.” spot on Samantha and this is the simplicity we can all choose.
Hear hear – crystal clear expression, nothing to argue about here, as this is how it is.
Well said Samantha, we are all so good at blaming rather than taking responsibility. Blaming is very heavy and draining, and causes ups and downs with emotion. It really is about taking self responsibility. Understanding that self responsibility can make a change in our lives and everything around us.
As we seem to feel confident and familiar with having issues, we should be confident and familiar with being ourselves instead. Time to put choice and effort in achieving this. It is our choice that determine the rest of our life, so better choose divine.
Yes it does seem that most people are more comfortable having issues than not, and will quickly create a new one if there isn’t one. I know I have done this and still get caught in it today. Its like living problem free is just not normal yet it could be.
Blame is a sure sign that responsibility needs attention! It’s very much on my radar these days and if I feel it in myself, I know it’s a dead giveaway that there’s something for me to look at.
I so relate Sara. When I catch myself sometimes ( and these times rather rarely), that I am looking to blame someone for something, I am now backtracking to see where the whole thing started in the first place and what was my part in it. Often, this helps me to see where I was maybe blind for a moment, and to resolve whatever it was that wanted me to blame in the first place.
Good point, Bernadette, wanting others to change means that we have judged them and have an image of how they ‘should’ be and that comes from us doing the exact same thing to ourselves – having an image of how we think we should be and then beating ourselves up for not achieving it. How different then, when we live without self judgement, appreciating ourselves in full, and allowing others to be wherever they are at. True love does not judge.
I can vouch for this approach! I tried for many years to change the people I was with (including partner and children) but the results were only ever temporary in providing relief from the tension of the relationship at the time. The ‘only’ thing that has ever worked to produce true lasting change has been me working on me, dealing with my hurts and introducing self-love. It doesn’t always mean others have necesarily changed their behaviours – but it has meant that because I have changed, the the way I am in the relationship has naturally changed also.
Indeed, it makes such a difference when we stop looking at the other person and start tending to our own issues and hurts. In a course many many years ago it was said that ” For things to change, first I must change’. If everyone applied this then what a wonderful world we would be living in.
Very true Katinka it is huge step in the right direction to cease blame of another, and more importantly having understanding is key to provide space for both you and others in your relationships. Universal Medicine reignites our ability to read situations to fully understand why it is. Knowing why it is brings love back to relationships instead of the unnecessary hurt that can cause issues.
Hello Katinka and I highlighted this part for me as well. The blame is usually a great cover for something else and we all need to bring it back to a self responsible choice and not just run down the same rabbit hole.