When I read the blog Universal Medicine Helped to Heal Bulimia, it felt great that such a shameful and ungraceful topic involving food could be brought out into the open and offer people an opportunity to know more about it. The hell that is experienced with this illness is well described in this article and inspires me to share my own experience with bulimia, plus my dependence on laxatives for more than 13 years… And if I am completely honest, they are old ways that I can easily fall into if I get tempted to give up and let go of the commitment to my ‘truthful’ self.
I would also like to share how meeting Serge Benhayon changed forever my understanding of this illness, and how the support that I received from many Universal Medicine practitioners allowed me to set up a loving foundation to heal and live my life upon.
It Started with Laxatives
I suffered greatly from constipation during my childhood, to the extent that I started getting haemorrhoids and all sort of physical discomforts. However, I didn’t want to give up certain foods, so laxatives offered me a solution and I started using them daily.
A couple of years after that my bulimia started. In the beginning I thought it was because of my fear of being fat, undesirable and ugly, plus my fear of eating things that would constipate me, even if I was already using laxatives.
My bulimia slowly grew out of control and became a living hell. On top of the fear of being fat, I started blaming it all on my incapacity to be disciplined and strong willed. I thought I was weak and always ended up eating desserts and carbohydrates, which I knew were the worst types of food for my body.
My Obsession with Food
I was also obsessed with counting the amount of calories I had every day, so I would do a list of what I should and shouldn’t eat. I tried to eradicate dairy from my diet as I knew it made my constipation worse and it was really bad for my body in general. However, everything that I loved to eat had dairy in it: ice creams, cakes, cheesecakes, blue cheese sauces, pizza… and the list goes on.
This also was the kind of food that was most easily offered in all social gatherings, such us birthday parties, Christmas, New Year’s Eve celebrations, and activities such as going out with friends to the cinema.
My desperation grew stronger, as food was everywhere; everywhere I went the temptation was there… and because strong will is not really that ‘strong’, but rather an unnatural force, it wasn’t enough.
So I would give in to all these temptations, then go into self-loathing and then I would start binge-eating; and because I couldn’t bear the idea of digesting it all, throwing up was the only solution I could find. And in case I didn’t do a good job, laxatives were there to get rid of everything the other way. I was trapped in this cycle for years!
I slowly started realising that my fear of constipation and/or being fat was not all that was there to understand, that there was something else. I needed to go deeper.
Searching to Heal Myself
In my desperation I searched to heal myself (including my bulimia and my dependence on laxatives) with all sort of things: self-help books, astrology, psychology, Catholic rituals and healing masses, meditation, yoga, alternative medicines, psychics, psychoanalysis, runes, numerology, I Ching, tarot, family constellations, crystals and the list goes on and on…
I tried a lot of stuff in different measures. I wanted to understand my complex personality. I saw my problem as something so big, so intricate, and I didn’t want anyone to know. From all these things I got to some ‘near-truths’ or ‘half truths’, such as the fact that I was traumatised in my childhood with food, that I had a self-destructive, critical, obsessive personality, that I was in this life struggling to not repeat my Dad’s way of eating, that it came from past lives of suffering with survival, etc…
But none of these disorganised realisations seemed to really make a difference apart from increasing my knowledge, sustaining a non-stop mental analysis, and making me live in a permanent self-focus. Something inside of me wanted to know what the real issue was behind it all, so I kept looking.
Encountering Universal Medicine
Even though this entire search to find answers came from desperation and a big hole I felt inside, I arrived at a point in my life where a part of me was truly willing to be open and honest. In this way I encountered Universal Medicine.
In 2008 I met Serge Benhayon and started participating in the workshops and courses held in Somerset, UK. I didn’t want anyone to know about my problem, so I kept it very secret at the beginning. I thought I didn’t need to address it as the bulimia after 13 years had pretty much stopped and only re-appeared occasionally.
When did it re-appear? In those moments I felt like I was one of the ‘walking dead’, so DISCONNECTED from my feelings and myself in general, dull and empty, so throwing up made me feel something again through pain: it also reappeared when certain situations were too difficult to handle and I didn’t know what to do with my chaotic feelings.
Because I thought it was more manageable I didn’t need to bring it out into the open, but I was still dependant on laxatives. This is another ‘scary’ story, as even if bulimia stops, the laxative dependence continues as the body, after so many years of abuse, doesn’t work properly without them… and in very severe cases you need higher and higher doses.
In my case though, it unfolded in a different way and it all happened during my 4 years of participating in Universal Medicine activities.
All of Serge Benhayon’s presentations were profoundly and amazingly inspiring. I’ve never met anyone who expresses the way he does. I would travel long distances just as long as I could to hear him speak and feel the quality, clarity, integrity and simplicity of his speech: truly beautiful, revealing, healing and fun.
Making a Commitment
I then made the commitment to stay, to go deeper. I made a commitment not with Serge or Universal Medicine, but with myself. Enough was enough; I could not deny my light and my beauty any longer. This meant I went through a period of confrontation, resistance, criticism, comparison and helplessness, but I didn’t give up.
I was ready for more honesty in my life and that is how I did it.
In the beginning my way of living completely changed. It made a huge difference to the way I felt about myself and life in general. I stopped partying, drinking, smoking, doing drugs. I committed to a job and saw working in a different light. I started looking after myself much more, I slept more, changed my diet, started saying NO to many distractions that would exhaust me, and importantly, I became aware of my body and how ‘hard’ it was.
I found out that underneath the hardness I was living with in my body, there was a lot of nervousness and anxiety that I never wanted to truly feel or accept. For years my body had been held on a level of permanent angst and restlessness and I was trying very hard to hide it and to not feel it.
By hardening, I protected myself from everything I felt to be a threat and everything I felt coming my way in general. When I say everything, it was pretty much everything across the scale from ‘bad’ to ‘good’: the ugliness, the anger, the stress, the attention from people, the social situations, the tenderness, the love, the choices, the people, etc.
I was living in a permanent reaction to life and I would do anything to protect myself and to not feel the unknown fears and the apprehension I felt about dealing with life and its practicalities. It was a simple but powerful revelation to become aware of this mechanism that I had created to walk through life.
When I began to be more aware of my body and started practising being consciously present with it in everything that I did, I realised my mind was really out of control. I had found shelter in my mind with such intensity that it was almost impossible to be aware of my body for more than a minute.
My mind was my main focus, my strategy for survival, and I was proud that I had a very analytical and inquisitive mind. It had helped me to build up a mask that guarded me quite well.
However, the dark side of my mind wasn’t that great. It was a very sabotaging tool that I used to give myself a hard time, ruthlessly criticising myself in very unloving and depreciative ways about everything: my looks, my behaviours, my stagnation, my lack of talents, my weaknesses, and my inability to get all the attention I longed for.
I became aware that all my life I have been hyper-sensitive and that I had used my mind to find solutions and go through life blindly ignoring and dishonouring my feelings.
I was a girl with an amazing sensitivity and tenderness in absolute rejection of herself and reaction to who she was and the environment she ‘happened’ to be in. A girl protected with a very individualistic, punishing mind, obsessed with perfection and the struggle to be recognised and accepted.
This understanding was key in setting up a foundation to heal and start my journey of returning back to me. My new foundation was based on self-acceptance, self-love and clarity. This, plus my new claimed way of living, allowed me to put bulimia behind me.
An End to Laxative Dependence
Nonetheless, the laxatives and my dependence on them were still around. I thought this would never end, and that I had to be on them for the rest of my life. But my body decided something else. It had enough of them!
My digestive system was very much in a debilitated state and as a consequence, so was my heath in general. I was anaemic, exhausted, depleted, with all sorts of food allergies and amazingly, I was hiding all of it from everyone. So the time came to finally address it all. The GRACE that came with this decision was truly beautiful.
First of all I decided to take responsibility, to stop the reaction and to go and visit my GP, along with the gastroenterologist, and have all the necessary invasive tests. Thankfully, no major damage had happened to my bowels. But I did have to start a program of ‘rebuilding’ the mechanics of my digestion, with an amazing and loving Naturopath and Nutritionist.
The most important thing was that I finally managed to understand the issue behind all the drama. The simplicity that it brought was a real breakthrough in my life:
Bulimia and laxative dependence is an issue
of ACCEPTANCE, and of LETTING GO
of everything I react to.
Suddenly it all made sense, everything fell into place. It was so simple, yet so powerful.
All my life I had been living in denial, disregard and completely dishonouring my sensitivity.
I could not accept my feelings or myself, transforming them instead into reactions and STUBBORNLY attaching to and dwelling on these reactions with an intensity that made them bigger.
I realised I have lived in REJECTION and JUDGEMENT of my own choices, avoiding the opportunity to truly see and to ACCEPT who I was and WHERE I WAS AT. Above all, I was tenaciously holding onto the list of comforts I’d created to not take responsibility and to avoid dealing with my feelings and my choices. These comforts kept me less, comfortable, and in denial of my own Light, Love and Joy.
This revelation forever changed my understanding of and the way of relating to myself and life in general. I can now clearly identify when I go automatically (or progressively) into reactions and the compulsion to ‘hold onto’ something (a story, a grumble, an embarrassment, a judgement, a list of reasons, resentment, a victimisation, etc). I have felt the intense attachment and identification that a part of me has to drama. I now know that is NOT who I am, and I can gracefully accept it instead and deal with it in any case.
Working on acceptance and letting go… and getting to feel my reactions, is a work in progress, an ongoing process where layers and layers unfold. It is FUN and a beautiful process where I don’t ignorantly keep building upon self-loathing as I did before.
This ongoing process has a foundation that is built on:
- Getting to feel the difference between the suffering and emptiness that comes with being ‘disconnected’ and the ease and fullness I feel when I allow myself to reconnect to the essence deep within me – THIS IS HUGE!
- An allowance and acceptance TO BE PRESENT IN MY BODY every single day. This has brought out my fears of illness and disease and I am now aware of how much I have lived in reaction to them. This awareness, in addition to having experienced the natural stillness that exists underneath my anxiousness, is showing me new ways to relate to being ill and uncomfortable. The way I react to the body’s messages has truly changed.
- Allowing myself to deal with situations and issues at my own pace.
- Claiming my life as a great opportunity to CONNECT BACK to me and making a commitment to myself.
- Accepting WHERE I AM AT on a daily basis, being aware of my potential to go into comparison, judgment or the need to conform.
- A willingness to feel everything around me and practising not going hard when I sense something coming towards me. I now know that becoming hard does not protect me at all, it actually hurts me more. I don’t need to use force or hardness to reject, react or protect. When I allow myself to FEEL EVERYTHING, knowing that my inner self remains untouched/untainted, I automatically connect to a truth within, and then go into accepting and letting go… without interfering or judging.
- A decision to take command of my mind (and not let it rule my experiences of life with its narrow judgements) and working on becoming gentle and consciously present in my body in everything that I do. I have learned to command those thoughts ‘NOT TO ENTER’, and ‘OUT!’
- An understanding that ‘acceptance’ is a very good friend of ‘taking responsibility’. When I consider the possibility of throwing up again or taking a laxative, I know there is something that goes beyond the issue of not accepting or not wanting to feel something; I now know it’s because I do not want to take responsibility for the way I am living, and for the quality of life I am living. Rather, I prefer to criticise and judge myself, feel helpless, and then punish myself. I want to avoid dealing with my choices, I don’t want to digest and LEARN from them, I want a short cut. The truth is that I am disempowering myself in the name of ideals, comparison or how I think things should be.
- A new understanding of the word ‘digestion’. Surely a ‘good’ digestion has to do with the type of foods we eat, in what state of being we prepare and eat them, and also the level of love or disregard we live in.
A Greater Understanding of my Digestive System
I have also come to know that ‘digestion’ shows us how we relate with ourselves and with life in general.
I now understand ‘digestion’ as a process of accepting whatever is there to accept, face and acknowledge; contemplating, feeling and pondering on it for a while and then making a decision that will support nourishment and the movement of the flow.
Finally the process ends when the moment to leave and let go of the old comes and can be completed with grace and in true appreciation.
On the contrary, if the ‘digestion’ is a trouble, then the process is being complicated: first by rejection and denial, with an unwillingness to accept or deal with situations or issues, leading to indecisiveness and/or confusion and dwelling on things so more stuff gets stuck and starts to accumulate, inviting in overwhelm and a holding onto the old with stubbornness, followed by the choice to then bury things deeper.
A New Foundation: Acceptance
My foundation is now based on the knowing that we are all one and the same. I am not less, and not more than anyone else. I have just made different choices. That is all. I have come to realise AND ACCEPT that I am worth it, I am Love, I am Harmony and I am Joy.
This new foundation, one that has changed my life forever, would have probably taken me many lifetimes to sort out by myself, but with the support I was ready to receive from Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and all my personal sessions in Esoteric Counselling and Esoteric Breast Massage, all this amazing change was possible in a short period.
The emptiness that was the foundation of my old ways of bulimia and laxative dependency has been replaced by a foundation of love, clarity and simplicity. It is a strong and beautiful foundation I am building on as I continue to allow more, to LET GO of what I am not, and ACCEPT how precious and glorious I am.
By Luz Hincapie BA Architecture, Dipl. Arts Management, Jewelery Design. Colombia
I am starting to consider if we have digestive issues is it a reaction, that we cannot digest life? Is it possible that we react to life because we can feel it doesn’t feel right? As an example the sheer amount of abuse that we accept as a normal part of our everyday when deep down inside us we know this is not a true way to live. Have we ever stopped to consider the energy we are using day to day or the energy others are using that this energy is actually so alien to us we literally cannot stomach it?
Amazing changes you made in your life ‘In the beginning my way of living completely changed. It made a huge difference to the way I felt about myself and life in general. I stopped partying, drinking, smoking, doing drugs. I committed to a job and saw working in a different light. I started looking after myself much more, I slept more, changed my diet, started saying NO to many distractions that would exhaust me, and importantly, I became aware of my body and how ‘hard’ it was.’ Showing us all that it is easy to make more loving choices for ourselves when we feel the call ✨
WOW this is amazing how you went from feeling empty to now one of a strong foundation of love, clarify and simplicity.
‘The emptiness that was the foundation of my old ways of bulimia and laxative dependency has been replaced by a foundation of love, clarity and simplicity. It is a strong and beautiful foundation I am building on as I continue to allow more, to LET GO of what I am not, and ACCEPT how precious and glorious I am.’ Super cool plus I am sure what you have shared here many can relate to in how they either feel or have felt at some point in their life. It just goes to show what we can change when we truly want to ✨
I agree with you Vicky that we can completely change our way of living at any age, by having the honesty to let go of what hasn’t worked and actually commit to accepting that we are love, we come from love and we will all return to love it is the ultimate fairy tale.
Understanding our issues with food and the patterns that any food-oholic brings, are just like being an alcoholic, they are not who we are and it is a set us up to keep us from reconnecting to the Loving essences that is in us all.
I do wonder how we let go when we are living in the constant tension of our society, how come we have as a collective allowed this to happen? And to be honest if it wasn’t for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine proposing a different way to live we would not have this reflection of a different way to be. A way to live that is not in the constant tension of life but the master of it.
How many girls/ women have experienced this
‘I was a girl with an amazing sensitivity and tenderness in absolute rejection of herself and reaction to who she was and the environment she ‘happened’ to be in. A girl protected with a very individualistic, punishing mind, obsessed with perfection and the struggle to be recognised and accepted.’
It seems to me that when we are not met as children for the sensitive souls we truly are it sets up a chain reaction which as you have shared Luz is devastating to our bodies.
How can such beautiful ladies/ men hate themselves so much and want to be something so different to what they naturally are?
Because we have totally lost sight of who we are. We have willingly bought into the illusion of creation. We have indulged ourselves in the illusion of separation and totally submerged ourselves in the lie of individuality. We have chosen to forget that we are the glory of God, no less.
I love this ‘I continue to allow more, to LET GO of what I am not, and ACCEPT how precious and glorious I am.’ I can feel this is something I need to do a tiny bit more to be all of me.
and by each of us becoming ‘all of me’ we collectively return to being ‘all of us’, re-united together as One.
Such a beautiful exploration of a topic so close to many many womens and mens experiences.
I absolutely agree with the fact that is an acceptance of issues and with that comes much much appreciation for what we have in out life that is actually incredibly simple and magical.
If we saw our ‘issues’ as a means by which we can deepen our relationship with ourselves then this would go a long way towards changing how we feel about them. It would support us to embrace our issues as invaluable steps in our evolution.
I understand that my relationship with food is a reflection of the way I feel and how I have been living. It is absolutely not to obsess about food, or to try and control how much or little I do or do not eat, but to be curious and willing to learn from what my relationship with food on a day to day basis reveals to me.
We look for the big, ground-breaking answers to illness and disease. I remember when I first started looking into healing bulimia, i thought it has to be something huge, something I have to overcome to stop this behaviour. But it all came down to self-acceptance, to understanding myself, what I feel and drop the judgement – similar to you. When I first started throwing up, I thought this was a genius way when I had overeaten to get rid off the extra food. I was young and unaware of the potential health consequences of frequently throwing up. I even questioned why it was such a big deal and people in movies were ashamed of it, until the habit became compulsive and out of control. This is when the fear kicks in and you start to think to yourself, my god am i ever going to stop doing this? I watched videos of women who had gone to rehabilitation centres and read stories of women who were convinced that bulimia is something one just does not heal. But my experience is different, whenever I watched this videos and read these stories I thought to myself that I can’t allow that to be my life, and all throughout I knew that there is a strength inside of me to overcome it and so I listened to that strength, built a stronger relationship with it and stopped this abusive habit. If one woman can do it, we all can do it.
An obsession with food such as bulimia, could easily be an obsession with exercise or an obsession with extreme sports etc. Really it does not matter how or what we do, but it is the fact that we have disconnected from our essence that knows to treat our body with deep care, respect and love.
There are many so called taboo subjects that need to be more open conversation so that it allows us all to have a deeper understanding of these things and also opens up the possibility of supporting each other more.
What a beautifully honest blog Luz of your experience with Bulimia, and one that should be made available to anyone with this debilitating condition. It is inspirational in its clarity about how it is possible to change the way we think and feel about ourselves from one of complete dishonouring of our body to absolute honouring of it, when there is a willingness to being absolutely open and honest about our daily choices.
Pure gold shared in one single sentence Luz. ~Our reactions are well worth exploring
“Bulimia and laxative dependence is an issue of ACCEPTANCE, and of LETTING GO of everything I react to”.
Spot on Stephanie – and this is what women and men out there need to hear or know so that we can truly be of support to ourselves or those around us.
As a woman I have also put my body through hell trying to be a certain way but I now see it was a way of control that meant I did not have to take any responsibility for anything else in life. I could make it all about me and my issues.
What a blessing that we know another way to be – a glorious relationship with the body is possible where we do not treat it as any less than the vessel needed to deliver purpose
As human beings we have many behaviours we use to manage negative feelings and situations and yet they do not really offer a solution rather add another problem and complication to our lives.
Accepting what comes, not rolling over and being weak, but strong powerful accepting this is something that I still practice…to accept. To accept my own glory and beauty, with no trying, to accept that what is shown is there to learn and that life really can be simply loving, with no complication.
Universal Medicine approaches healing in a completely different way. It is able to get underneath a problem like nothing else I have experienced. By bringing true understanding to any situation and what the root cause is we can be really empowered to heal and change.
Amazing to hear how you have turned around your relationship with your body and made it about love not reprimand. It shows how nothing is permanent – it is always our choice in the next moment and what we are willing to say yes to. More or less love.
Agree, inspiring to know that we can shift habits that may seem part of us and our way of life, With Love we can completely choose another way.
By being consciously present with our bodies we become aware of so much more. I remember being like this, so great to have let it go, ‘I was living in a permanent reaction to life and I would do anything to protect myself and to not feel the unknown fears and the apprehension I felt about dealing with life and its practicalities.’
Bringing healing to ourselves starts with bringing more care and love to ourself, ‘ I started looking after myself much more, I slept more, changed my diet, started saying NO to many distractions that would exhaust me, and importantly, I became aware of my body and how ‘hard’ it was.’
The wide spread constipation and laxative condition from early childhood is so common and widespread in the world and something hidden and not talked about and acknowledged as is the reason and the way we can change this from true understanding . The gift of Serge Benhayon and Universal medicine is bringing to the world to allow this and offering us true life changes from within for our bodies is deeply beautiful and a gift to all humanity with constipation eating disorders rife and increasing by the moment.
I like the way that you have described your feelings as chaotic and in not knowing what to do with them you turned to something to help you to feel real. I get this, I understand this. It makes sense to me because it shows how there is always something inside that wants to heal.
I love the honesty with which you share Luz, I am sure many people can relate with parts of what you share, I for one can relate with this having been a part of my life, ‘I found out that underneath the hardness I was living with in my body, there was a lot of nervousness and anxiety that I never wanted to truly feel or accept. For years my body had been held on a level of permanent angst and restlessness and I was trying very hard to hide it and to not feel it.’
I love the simplicity of life when we open up to our bodies and the amazing detailed signposting they give us. And I really enjoy having a rudimentary understanding of our anatomy and physiology because it makes my relationship with my body very real.
The intensity with bulimia can get very strong, it is like something takes over our bodies, we lose control and before we know it we have engulfed all of the food in our fridge and are looking for more. The body feels beaten up, and the self-loathing as a result is strong. But, as it has been shown in many of the blogs around bulimia, there is a way for us all to change this, to snap out of it and really let go of these abusive traits. Through building self-love within the body we begin to strengthen, close the holes in our lives where we can allow this type of abuse and not have it in our lives at all.
Although this story may seem extreme, I can relate to it, as we all have ways of avoiding the reactions to life that we are feeling. It takes a lot of honesty and commitment to keep looking at what is beneath a pattern of behaviour to get to the root cause and actually let this go.
Yes, we all have ways of avoiding feeling, one of my ways to escape was by going into my mind, ‘When I began to be more aware of my body and started practising being consciously present with it in everything that I did, I realised my mind was really out of control. I had found shelter in my mind with such intensity that it was almost impossible to be aware of my body for more than a minute.’
I love this line – “I could not deny my light and my beauty any longer.”
What an amazing sharing honesty and understanding of yourself and the reactions and rejection of life and how it effects us but even more remarkable is your ability to heal the past and your body and live another way and this is very inspiring and supportive to others.
This is an amazing blog that shines out in it’s honesty , so glad that it has been written as I’m sure it will be a great help to all those who suffer from Bulimia and give a greater awareness to those of us who have little understanding of how it debilitates and takes over one’s life.
‘Bulimia and laxative dependence is an issue of ACCEPTANCE, and of LETTING GO of everything I react to.’ When we understand what is underneath every issue we can change the behaviour that holds us back. How amazing that Universal Medicine offers this truth and support.
Well said Rachel and that offering Universal Medicine brings to the energetic understanding of illnesses is pure gold and worth being considered.
Acceptance and letting go of everything I react to is a huge subject in itself, and one that I am forever deepening and healing.
There is so much emptiness in the disconnection that it is no wonder that we can look to filling ourselves through food or other forms of numbness.
“I then made the commitment to stay, to go deeper.” Awesome you made this decision – without commitment we keep going back to our old destructive ways and by going deeper we open up to the inner wisdom that was there all along.
This really is profound, your experience and wisdom shines out, many of us have a disorderly relationship with food, to some degree, so I suggest that most people can relate to some of what you share and learn from it. Thank you for sharing about the issue of acceptance and letting go of reactions, wise words that come with me.
‘… a disorderly relationship with food…’ this is a great phrase that highlights to me that the relationship we have with food is a reflection of the relationship we have more broadly with life and that there is much to be open to learning here.
Thank you for bringing wider understanding to the subject of digestion and how it is not just about the foods we ingest but everything that we accept and process into our lives which can support us to expand or cause us indigestion.
Helen a great point to bring out of the woodwork is that digestion issues are far bigger than just food and in my experience was about the way I treated myself, the things I did and how accepting (or not!) I was with myself and what was going on in my life.
There is so much here I can relate to with regards to digestion issues. It makes sense that if we do not accept life in its entirety then we will hold onto emotions in the body and clog things up. Part of the healing is to recognise what it is that is so hard to accept and then let go of.
Luz this will never stop being an amazing read for me, I can relate to much of what you have shared. The detail of your understanding of the digestive system and what supports it, and behaviours that do not (the flip side), is so helpful, thank you.
It is interesting how much acceptance is linked with digestion. For if we cannot accept the way things are, we end up accepting the way they are not, in the sense that we allow the overwhelm to consume us because we have told ourselves that we cannot ‘stomach’ the world.
“Bulimia and laxative dependence is an issue of ACCEPTANCE, and of LETTING GO of everything I react to.” This understanding of bulimia needs to be spread far and wide because it is a dis-ease that is not very well understood, if at all in the medical world.
I was really struck by your description of the digestive system and making decisions in life to support the flow. It makes a lot of sense that along with accepting life and digesting what is happening that we equally need to let go of the ideals and beliefs that no longer support us.
Luz, this is an insightful and totally inspiring blog to read of the choices and commitment you have made to heal yourself. I have a far deeper understanding of the effects of illness of bulimia and dependence upon laxatives on the body. Thank you.
“I then made the commitment to stay, to go deeper. I made a commitment not with Serge or Universal Medicine, but with myself. Enough was enough; I could not deny my light and my beauty any longer. This meant I went through a period of confrontation, resistance, criticism, comparison and helplessness, but I didn’t give up”.
Thank you Luz, for sharing your story so openly and honestly. I can feel that there will be many who feel so supported by what you have shared and will now know they don’t have to remain, feeling helpless, in this vicious cycle you have described so clearly. As you have come to understand, there is always another way to live, but the choice to do so is always ours.
The point you make about acceptance and responsibility resonates with me. These two things are very clearly linked. It is impossible to accept life if we have ideals of perfection.
Chasing responsibility rather than living responsibility sound the same but they offer us a greater understanding of the greater potential.
There is such an education in this blog and so much for me to learn. I am deeply inspired by your sharing and it is a huge support for me in recognising what is going on and how I can deal with it.
What a powerful account of healing by looking at one’s reactions to life and dealing with them rather than coping with them.
I so recognise being obsessed with food, only the other day I was remembering how I would wake up with a date and algae syrup ‘health’ snack next to my pillow because I couldn’t face getting out of bed with out something to help me on my way. The sad thing is as with all obsessions and addictions if we don’t look at the root cause we never get to truly heal.
Only like you Luz when we are strong enough to admit whats really going on can we start to take steps to healing and look at why the need is there in the first place.
If we were to honour our sensitivity we would have a very different relationship to food. The ‘fight’ we have with it is unnecessary and actually self created, but this is what society supports; numbing or dulling our awareness, and keeping this struggle going so that our body isn’t at it’s maximum sensitivity and thus in a position to see what needs to be changed or brought back to the truth in the world, allowing us to then activate this.
Food has become an absolute global obsession, trumped only by the broader pass time known more generally as ‘numbing ourselves’.
If we cannot stomach the world then we will not be able to let go of the poison we have absorbed by virtue of not accepting the way it all is.
I’v been holding on to a lot of my old ways most of my life but in the recent years have been letting them go. What I’ve noticed is that the inflammation i have had a lot of in my digestive system since childhood has largely gone. I had so much medication over the years to help with this yet letting things go has made the biggest difference. It never ceases to amaze me how my body shows me in how I am living.. and how I can make changes.
The power in acceptance and the releasing of the what is no longer needed would make so many medications redundant if only it was practised more widely.
Thank you for sharing this candid insight into bulimia and laxative dependence. I can see that these issues would have taken great courage to be honest about and although there is much that must be done to support the body back to harmony much of the healing is completed through the honest nomination of what we have chosen at the expense of ourselves. This applies to all aspects of life.
Leonne, if we can look past what we ‘think’ is our behaviour and understand that it is not us but it is an energy we have aligned to which is constantly passing through us that gives us the thoughts and movements we then say is us. There is a humbleness to be found in the fact that we do not think at all, that we are moved by an unseen energy. This to me is the first stage of forgiveness when we can accept that we do not think, we are totally controlled.
When we connect to true understanding there is an ‘aha’ moment that feels so good, like you can breathe and feel free at last. No wonder if we live without this quality it has serious ramifications on our health. The key as you show Luz is not to fix issues but to let our understanding grow.
‘Above all, I was tenaciously holding onto the list of comforts I’d created to not take responsibility and to avoid dealing with my feelings and my choices.’ I can relate to this. Creating a comfortable life so that I don’t have to take responsibility for getting out into the world and getting on with it. In this I deny myself my own light, love and joy.
Creating a comfortable life can take many forms- even the overwhelm and stress we create and surround ourselves in and with it a sort of security blanket, a comfort of sorts, that keeps us in our own turmoil and not having to face anything beyond that. Accepting who we are and committing more to life starts to lessen our need to perpetually recreate the stress and overwhelm, so that it becomes less and less our ‘go to’ way of managing and getting through life.
In principle it is very simple – we need food to survive and we can be straightforward and intelligent about it but I am not sure if many of us ever manage this.
Wow Luz, thank you so much for this honest and detailed sharing of your experience with bulimia and laxative dependence. Just lately my bowels reflected to me how I have been living, and how I have been ‘mulling’ things over, and over, instead of being in the flow, accepting – firstly what is happening, and secondly myself and where I am at, and then letting go. I will come back to this blog from time to time, as I find it so beautifully detailed and supportive, covering the digestive system, and the issues we create with it, from all angles, with love and understanding.
Making a commitment to ourselves is such an integral part to changing those self defeating choices and patterns we make.
How amazing that you have chosen to share your story. I’m sure most people can relate to building a layer of protection to deny the feelings of anxiousness. Having the courage to uncover this is commendable, especially considering the extremes you had gone to with food and how you needed to let this pattern go. We all create behaviours that become familiar that then mask how we are feeling underneath. What is needed is the honouring of the true sensitive person underneath, and this is what you have done and expressed here so beautifully. We can all learn from your story.
“A new understanding of the word ‘digestion’. Surely a ‘good’ digestion has to do with the type of foods we eat, in what state of being we prepare and eat them, and also the level of love or disregard we live in” – yes and digestion for me as well as it being about food digestion… is how we are digesting life and digesting ourselves too… because it’s this that precedes what we will then go to digest when it comes to food and also relationships. ‘Digestion’ relates to whole-life.
” I then made the commitment to stay, to go deeper. I made a commitment not with Serge or Universal Medicine, but with myself. Enough was enough; I could not deny my light and my beauty any longer. ”
Beautiful Luz, it all shines brightly, your light and beauty thank you.
Oh yes, very much so.
‘I saw my problem as something so big, so intricate, and I didn’t want anyone to know.’ Many people suffering from bulimia feel the same way and therefor there is too little openness about what this disease is like and what its root causes are. By sharing you very honest story Luz you are offering a reflection to all those who are going through what you have gone through and showing that there IS a way out.
Amazing account of a woman reclaiming who she truly is, thank you for going there and exposing what was a self-absuive. Most of us have issues of varying degrees and different flavours, but yes most of us have found ways to not shine as we could do. When we expose what is not us in essence, doing so with love, wow things can really shift.
Love is very simple. Every complexity self-created we are being asked by love, can we still love ourselves through this or do we choose self-loathing and keep it complicated? It’s a choice we all make and a momentum we then fuel our ongoing lives with. There is nothing to do, find out or seek deeper, love just loves, this moment and all the rest, including every moment we choose not to, the natural movement is still to return to love.
Thank you Luz for the great connection from ‘over-thinking/complicating things to digestive issues. It’s a great awareness to have and observe.
This is a ripper of a blog of why we eat too much. I found it very healing to understand exposing the truth of how we each specifically use food very cleverly by a being inside of us that is irresponsible to the effects and consequences to our divine body. All to escape our truth of – awareness, connection, reading life for the truth it is and being transparent for the sensitivity to what is not love constantly tormenting our natural divine nature.
I am still working through many issues around digestion, each time I come to this blog I learn and deepen my understanding of myself and how I react to life and how this impacts my digestion. Luz it’s a big thankyou for sharing the gold you have learnt from your experiences, which gives me a chance to also accelerate through my own digestive issues.
” And if I am completely honest, they are old ways that I can easily fall into if I get tempted to give up and let go of the commitment to my ‘truthful’ self. ” This is a huge statement and is the source of illness, disease and disharmony. The moment a person even consider abandoning our true self , that is the moment we give up and are open to all forms of abuse. Thank you for sharing Luz
“The emptiness that was the foundation of my old ways of bulimia and laxative dependency has been replaced by a foundation of love, clarity and simplicity.” This is gorgeous Luz, I know how traumatic and harming eating disorders can be, often leading to an intense downward spiral, you broke this pattern, you broke though the illusion that you were not enough and now you are a shining example for the millions of people who experience eating disorders worldwide.
“Suddenly it all made sense, everything fell into place. It was so simple, yet so powerful.” what a beautiful outcome from taking responsibility and having the awareness offered by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine with the true healing that is possible when everything else is not working and we are ready to listen. What an amazing place you have come to – very inspiring espcially to so many who can relate to this dependency.
“A Greater Understanding of my Digestive System – I have also come to know that ‘digestion’ shows us how we relate with ourselves and with life in general” – agree Luz, i used to have irritable bowel syndrome for years as a young adult especially at university….and have come to know from my own body that if i’m ever constipated or my bowel movements change, then there is most definitely something in my life i’m having difficulty in accepting and letting go of.. being stubborn about it/hanging on. The moment I bring focus to this, or come to a specific realisation my body responds and the flow of movement returns.
I very much needed to read this today as it brought greater understanding and clarity to something that I am experiencing at the moment. It allowed me to see that I was in reaction and not wanting to feel what was happening in a situation.
” I was ready for more honesty in my life and that is how I did it. ” Just wonderful Luz and thank you for sharing this most beautiful of healings you have brought to yourself and the world.
I have come to the conclusion that there are very few people in the world who do not have an eating disorder in some degree.
No wonder so many people have eating disorders as it is a way to not take responsibility for our greatest assist which is our body. It is through our body that we connect to the Halls of Wisdom and with this connection we are able to support others and reflect back to them a true way of living. Destroying our bodies through eating disorders is a sure way to not have to be responsible for what we are here on earth to do.
If you consider loads of people need to take laxatives and other medication to be able to open their bowels when, if they looked at what food that they are eating that may be contributing to the blockage, as well as the emotional issues they may be holding onto this probably would heal the issue instead of just managing it with pills and potions for the rest of their life.
What an amazing sharing Luz, your honesty and dedication to yourself and your sensitivity is so beautiful! When it all boils down to it we are all equally sensitive and this no longer can be ignored. I don’t know the statistics but I guess bulimia like all other illnesses is on the increase and is one that if looked at like you have could easily be on the decline.
When we can begin to separate who we are from how we behave it’s incredibly freeing, I find once that differentiation is there I know who I am and there are simply things I need to work on.
I wonder if it would be a good idea when we have issues with our body for example as described here, if a good start would be to listen to the body, i.e. accept that our body can communicate with us and has something useful to communicate?
I agree with you Christoph, for most of my life, I did not even consider my body as being of value, let alone listening to what it has to say. The mind had all the say, and the body was bullied along and did my bidding. These days I am feeling the value of what my body has to share, but it does take a while to learn how the body communicates.
Committing to self allows us to reconnect to the love within ourselves supporting us to heal and let go of the layers we have accumulated which are far from the truth of who we are, as no matter how serious or traumatic our experiences have been our love dispels all of that to creates space for us to just simply be.
What comes across strongly in this article is how torturous and scathing the mind is with its opinions of the body, which will keep the cycle going. This is a worthy topic of conversation that needs to exposed.
Yes, the mind lives in the body all the time but can be very disdainful of the body. That doesn’t quite make sense.
We can be so easily tricked into thinking that mental analysis will get us out of our destructive patterns and yet it so does little good when we were mentally obsessing over our food or body in the first place.
Agree jennym true healing only happens through the body.
Well said jennym, as I have food for myself the problem with the self-analysis is that the focus on the problem only gets bigger and the solution seems even further away making the despair grow. There is no answer in the mind, the only way to heal is through the body.
I agree Bulimia is a living hell. Most are too ashamed and embarrassed to admit they have it so they do not get the necessary support. It is great that blogs like this are being written to inspire others to talk about a disease that is affecting many, many people.
Having bulimia sounds horrendous and the fact that you have come out of it and healed yourself completely shows what is possible when understanding is brought to what is going on underneath. Your healing is truly remarkable and your blog is amazing to read.
Thank you, Luz, for sharing your story, it is good to expose this debilitating eating disorder and to show the deeply embedded thinking that drives us to self sabotage in such a way. Recognising your sensitivity is an important part of the healing process – we all have our ways of coping with what we can feel, whether it be by numbing, distraction or whatever, and taking it into the body rather than using mental analysis is the only way to truly understand what is going on.
Luz this is a truly remarkable and inspiring turnaround that is very healing for us all to read. I admire the depth of honesty and transparency with which you have shared your experience with us. Although I have never suffered from bulimia, I can relate to a lot of what you have shared because I too suffered greatly from a deep non-acceptance not only of my/our inherent beauty, but also of the way things are in the world and needing them to be a certain way so I did not have to feel the utter desolation of the loveless way we live and my complete reaction to this. Through the teachings of Universal Medicine I have learned to build a solid foundation on which to stand to weather the storms of life. This foundation is love, no more and no less and it is built through the pathway of accepting the good, the bad and the ugly and knowing that the only way to transform it all is not through avoiding or fighting it but by delicately living our love every day in every way to the best of our human ability. A big part of this is understanding that with respect to the absolute majesty we know ourselves to be in essence, there will be imperfections as we learn to express this divinity as best we are able in this realm of life.
Wow you have been through quite a process Luz in understanding just what was going on for you with your eating disorder. I have come to the conclusion when I look around me that there are very few people who don’t have an eating disorder of one kind or another for we are all very sensitive and if we are not building a foundation of love in our body from a connection to our innermost essence we are always going to feel we need to protect ourselves in some way. I love your closing words particular this . . . . “It is a strong and beautiful foundation I am building on as I continue to allow more, to LET GO of what I am not, and ACCEPT how precious and glorious I am.
When we start with a problem we can easily get lost in the complexity of solutions – when we start with our essence and that we are already everything, the problem then doesn’t need to be solved, it just needs to be understood from another perspective.
In the extreme of your example Luz in what you share about Bulimia being a lack of acceptance of self, life, situations and others.. it opens up an understanding for each and every time we go to eat, rather than feel what’s there to be felt, and ultimately accepted.
Sometimes we need to hit rock bottom in order for us to learn and start to make different choices.
And there is always something to appreciate though, even in hitting rock bottom we give ourselves the opportunity of making that different choice. And the appreciation of where our ‘rock bottom’ is, shows us where we are not willing to fall beyond, and it is at this point the next learning is offered.
One thing I am learning at the moment is that when I commit to change in my day to day life I cannot replace one bad habit with another for when we do that we are merely marking time and not stepping up at all.
This is exactly what I love about this blog site – the opportunity to openly share and discuss topics that all too often either remain untouched or are not explored widely enough without the usual constraints and expectations surrounding them. It is indeed great that this can “offer people an opportunity to know more about it.”
The understanding Serge Benhayon gives on illness and disease is so supportive in bringing true healing to ourselves.
wow, I feel like you have just given me a way to understand life from understanding the digestive system. We are incredibly sensitive beings and our body and digestion are a reflection of how well we observe life and not absorb it. I feel I will come back to this blog and remind myself many times over of the wisdom you have shared from your experience with your body. Thank you Luz for sharing the process with us.
What an amazing story of how when you really heal your hurts that they can have such a positive impact in all areas of your life. You were not in a good way with how you lived and treated yourself, but you were able to really connect to something true and let go of so much, building a life that is deeply loving.
Luz your story is so very inspiring for us all and your absolute honesty is beautiful to feel. Thank-you.
Luz, coming back to this article is fantastic. Your raw honesty is a breath of fresh air and is deeply inspiring. Your sharing allows us to personally reflect on our choices and is relevant to those with or without bulimia. Thank you for sharing.
Luz this is more a study than a blog because it offers so much insight into the human condition. Despite our behaviours, which we can be identified by, we are not these things but instead a sensitive person who is not equipped to deal with the way the world is. When we learn to deal with the world then the behaviour can dissolve and the essence of who we truly are (which was hidden underneath) can now come out and be lived from. Thankyou for all you have shared here as there is so much to learn, and congratulations on the work you have done for yourself with the support of Universal Medicine to now live free of bullima and laxatives.
To gain a deeper understating of how each system in the body supports us to nurture our being is a great point that is shared in this blog. Far beyond the eating disorder is a body that offers us various systems that support and heal the illness and disease potential is a true blessing.
I love the key illuminated here the commitment to self. Without our foundation of commitment to building self love and care there can be no true healing.
Yes it is so important to claim who we are but also to acknowledge all that we ‘are not’ and how often we end up sabotaging ourselves rather than supporting ourselves to explore our relationship with ourselves.
This writing brings the simplicity of truth our body brings to us all the time if we would only listen thank you , Luz
A gigantic and epic story Luz on ‘digestion of life’; your last sentence here about what you are developing: “to LET GO of what I am not, and ACCEPT how precious and glorious I am” – strong, powerful reminder for us all.
Thankyou Zofia for highlighting this sentence, it’s a very powerful summary of the process of life.
Wow, such an honest and open blog – so many lessons to learn, thank you for sharing how your journey unfolded because just as I am embarking on this journey I had a similar experience of self-loaning, criticism etc. and now that I’m finally committing to myself, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!
I never used laxatives to lose weight, I used to drink green tea very regularly but that’s as far as it went. However, my binging and purging were quite prevalent, this for me lasted over 4 years, and the recovery from it was a long process on its own. It’s huge to see how far I have come, how much more I care for myself, and how much I actually value who I am and Universal Medicine has definitely been a huge support on this journey!
The photo shows an interesting collection of food – much of which would not make me feel good if I ate it!
Being able to truly heal from bulimia is really remarkable, what you were able to reconnect back to, from how you were living in your young adult years and then heal what hurts were there so you could be all of you, is very inspiring.
First of all I agree in that bulimia, anorexia, in fact many things, should be openly spoken about to remove the shame from them and anyone feeling shameful about something they are doing. I feel as soon as the shame is removed and taken away it is easier to heal because we know it is not the truth of who we are just something we are doing to avoid feeling or being all that we are. When you mentioned about suffering constipation as a child, from the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I immediately knew that as a child there was something you were holding onto and not letting go of and this ties in later beautifully with what you had found ‘Bulimia and laxative dependence is an issue of ACCEPTANCE, and of LETTING GO of everything I react to.’ It is amazing (and quite sad) that something that could be healed so simply and quickly if we truly knew how to is instead made so complicated and one thing leads to another .. not letting go leading to anxiousness and tension in the body, causing further reaction and therefore because we do not stop and truly feel in order to heal the cycle of self abuse continues and keeps continuing. I feel if we spoke about these issues more freely and gave ourself space to stop, feel and truly heal these cycles of abuse could be healed so quickly instead of them going on for years and sometimes lifetimes for many people. It is great you have started this discussion.
It’s the private ‘issues’ we hide and dare not speak about that build the walls that keep people out whilst eating away at us from the inside.
Yes, we buy long term pain – the continuation of the issue – for short term gain – we will be less embarrassed in front of others though, privately, our embarrassment will be there.
Eating disorders are very common and yet many people wouldn’t consider that they had one. But counting calories, watching fat content and being ‘careful’ with what you eat, dieting, etc etc all point to something that is going on for a person.
Luz, this is such an inspiring and detailed account of your experience with Bulimia, which is not understood by Doctors. Thank you for sharing it.
When we find a ‘solution’ to address something we suffer from, by and large we do not bother to ask the true questions regarding it. The ‘solutions’ keep us going in the same way that brought us to the condition in the first place. So, although they may work for us, they do not really.
It is such a fallacy to think we lack discipline when trying to apply will to stop a behaviour. In fact discipline would be much better used on being more tender towards ourselves rather than focusing on what we are doing that is wrong.
You are so right. Berating ourselves for all we do wrong just keeps us trapped in a never ending cycle of self-abuse that can remain behind a very ‘together’ exterior. Hidden from the world but tearing us apart on the inside.
It’s very powerful when we bring understanding to an illness and get to see that there is more going on than what our minds run with.
‘And if I am completely honest, they are old ways that I can easily fall into if I get tempted to give up and let go of the commitment to my ‘truthful’ self’. This line sums up the potential slip we all face with old ways. Our consistency and commitment to our ‘truthful self’, is the only saviour when it comes to leaving our harmful ways in the past.
“The hell that is experienced with this illness is well described” Very true, that was my experience of bulimia; a self created hell. We can offer support but we are not to go into sympathy with those that have bulimia as eating disorders, drug addiction and/or self harming behaviour are all our way of not having to take responsibility for our hurts, grow up and get on with life. I know this as I have been addicted to loads of different stuff all to avoid being in life and having to deal with normal every day decisions like getting a job, paying the rent, buying a car.
A deeply inspirational blog offering so much truth honesty and support about Bulimia and laxatives and the changing of your life showing there is a way out and the real changes one can make. Wow what a change and how much you can offer to others who struggle with this and an eye opener into the depth of destruction we can bring to ourselves but also with an esoteric healing approach truly heal.
A beautiful and deeply honest sharing, thank you Luz, what an amazing testimony that your life changes bring to those suffering this debilitating and destructive disease.” It is a strong and beautiful foundation I am building on as I continue to allow more, to LET GO of what I am not, and ACCEPT how precious and glorious I am.” inspiring.
There are so many important points in this article Luz, thank you for sharing it with us. For me two stood out. The first was this comment about our excessive elevation of the mind and the intellect (a huge mis-direct in my books as well): ‘I became aware that all my life I have been hyper-sensitive and that I had used my mind to find solutions and go through life blindly ignoring and dishonouring my feelings.’ The second was your sharing of the understanding that our bodies offer us metaphors for the energies we are running at any given time, in this case the stomach being about what we are prepared to stomach (accept) in life and in ourselves; and the bowels as both literal and symbolic letting go. Really great stuff, made so real by your experiences.
Luz, thank you – I am deeply inspired by your honesty and open sharing on this blog of your story with food and laxative issues. This offers a true healing in many ways for all who read it.
There are very few people that truly heal from Bulimia, they may no longer vomit, but they have not arrested the energy that led them to have the disease. We often replace the behaviour with another behaviour and think that we have healed the issue, but actually, have buried it further in our body. In your instance Luz, because of the support of Universal Medicine and your willingness to be honest, you have dealt with the underlying reason and have truly healed: you are a role model for humanity.
When we understand the underlying cause as to why we have a self-harming behaviour we are offered the tools to start the healing process.
The simple acknowledgement of the depth of sensitivity that each and every one of us holds, would change this planet forever, wouldn’t it…
Gosh I deeply appreciate the honesty you’ve brought here Luz – and yes, in regards to topics that we don’t hear spoken openly about nearly enough…
Though I have not experienced bulimia nor laxative dependence, I can well relate to the establishing of a truly loving foundation in life, and the immensity of what this means for us in our every day… Having also been inspired beyond measure by Universal Medicine as to the realness of establishing and then living with such a loving foundation, there are many self-sabotaging behaviours that are now gone from my life also.
There is just so much of ourselves to embrace, if we give it a chance… Thank-you for sharing your story here.
So many destructive cycles can start with just using a quick solution such as laxatives rather than looking at what is causing the constipation in the first place.
If we have obsessive thoughts about food then we know we are not connected to our body nor accessing the true source of energy.
So simple and so true Mary-Louise. Observing this can be an alarm bell and a warning as to what source of energy is ‘feeding us’.
I have come to see the power of acceptance. When we accept ourselves we open up to having greater love and truth in our lives.
So true Elizabeth, the more we accept and confirm ourselves, there is less and less need to cycle through obsessions around food or negative body image thinking.
This continues to be one of the most powerful blogs I have ever read. I feel this is because you were willing Luz to finally go way beneath the behaviours on the surface. It’s true that whilst we might think we have ended a habit at long last, the reality is it just mutates and grows into the next unless we see the true source. Ultimately under every issue I have seen is the choice to attack and judge ourselves it seems. More engrained than any food regime, we truly benefit from cutting out the critical unloving thoughts we think are real from our diet.
What a jewel of an article Luz – far too many to count illnesses and diseases we don’t seem to really know the answers to why they occur. But we also don’t look too much into how the way we live has a big effect on what then occurs in our body. Serge Benhayon presents what I would say the only way that really addresses why illness and disease really occur.
Lux thank you for sharing such a personal story and experience, to me it is incredible the power of love the fact that no matter how serious a condition of bulimia is that through a deep love of self one can heal something that many struggle for years to get a grip of. I also feel there are so many eating conditions and that what Universal Medicine present is not a fix but a choice to address what leads to the end result, as this is healed the eating condition vanishes. That is magic.
Wow Luz, what a blog and what an incredible change you have made. Through our choices we can be our own worst enemy or we can be our own saviour through our choices to come back to love.
I have realized how beautiful it is to finally accept to myself all the needs and feelings I have inside of me, to express them and to accept myself. Accept that I have needs, accept that at times I have chosen them over Love, accept that this is where I am at.
Food is only ever an ‘issue’ when there is something unresolved within ourselves in life. Resolve this and all of the complications that were created are naturally taken care of.
Reading blogs like these help us to ‘normalise’ eating disorders such as Bulimia, which in turn enables other people to talk to us about their experiences of it – twice recently I have engaged in conversations with ladies in their 20s and 30s who have explained it in a very matter of fact way and I was able to respond in the same manner, with no shock, horror or sympathy.
‘I wanted to understand my complex personality’ – This is an interesting point Luz, especially because you felt this method of looking at how you were living didn’t work for you in the end… Perhaps when we accept that the self-abusive traits are a part of who we are it’s impossible to understand our personality or choices, because in truth these things do not make up who we truly are and we are struggling to get the bottom of something that is an illusion in the first place.
There are many ‘taboo’ subjects out there, and it is super important that we break down the walls that stop true communication about this. When one person shares an honest account of how they overcame bulimia or anorexia etc, then this gives permission for others to do like wise and also for others to be inspired to heal from this too. It is very powerful on many levels to open up about such topics. Thank you Luz for sharing your story!
Incredible Luz, wow. It does take great commitment and consistency to heal our old ways, but we are so worth it and deserve the space to explore what living love, truly enjoying life and taking care of ourselves is like, which we can extend to all others around us.
I feel it takes a lot of courage to disclose something like bulimia where shame is a big part of the process. Breaking through that shame is really impressive.
A really remarkable sharing Luz, you have definitely deepened digestion for me!! Acceptance of self and choices and the grandness we are beneath all of the what is not.
I know I have struggled with eating when I am not accepting myself and the world around me, sometimes I just need to take a stop to accept where I am at and connect to the simplicity that is around me. It is the complexity that I get caught in that can take me away.
This wonderful blog should be prescribed to everyone with Bullimia, but then on many levels it applies to most people because acceptance and letting go issues are very common. We just published a great Unimedpedia Acceptance here: http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-acceptance.html
which brings more understanding to the energy of acceptance.
In not accepting ourselves or life, we are instantly in dis-ease, un-ease and everything thereafter (no matter how extreme) is a reflection of the tension of not living in absolute acceptance of who we are.
Luz, your blog is so supportive and inspiring for anyone who is or has struggled with eating disorders. It was very humbling to read about your journey and your commitment to understanding the root cause of your bulimia. I have been there myself, 40 years ago when people really didn’t seem to know quite how to help. I saw a ‘specialist’ who prescribed anti-depressants, but I think they were just a placebo. I remember feeling incredible self-loathing and shame but can now appreciate the deep, deep hurt that was also there from my absolute rejection of myself.
I wonder whether most people go through what you describe, Alison, perhaps not at that level but with very much the same pattern.
Your account demonstrates that bulimia is not about body image or being fat, it is a symptom of a much deeper malaise that has to do with how we are with ourselves and the world.
Luz, what an amazing sharing. For you to have transformed how you used to view yourself, your body, food, everything, is really such a credit to yourself. To learn to, or should I say re-learn how to deeply care, nurture, self honour and love yourself is truly inspiring.
What an inspiring story, which shows how complicated we can make our lives by avoiding dealing with our stuff, and then the behaviour takes on a life of it’s own and appears to own us. Great to read that you found your way out of the behaviours Luz, and thank you for sharing.
All sorts of behaviours can be used to feel or not feel whether we are living our ‘truthful self’ and yet there is no ease to our dis-ease when we are not connected to our inner-most.
Luz, what a beautiful honest sharing here, thank you. Your commitment to find truth and your journey back to love are so inspiring.
Luz, there is such a deep honesty in this blog which is inspiring beyond measure. This short sentence says so much – the slippery slope is there waiting to hook us back into all our old habits, when we let go of the COMMITMENT to living the truth of who we are.
“And if I am completely honest, they are old ways that I can easily fall into if I get tempted to give up and let go of the commitment to my ‘truthful’ self”.
Luz, what an absolute gem of a story, sharing with us, the true power of returning to ourselves from a place of acceptance, love and grace, even in the face of what would seem like an irreversible journey. Very beautiful, and an inspiration for us all.
An extraordinary journey of someone who had tried so much, so many things, to end up with a deep and profound reconnection with themselves… a Testament to actually what is possible when we choose to start to reconnect to ourselves.
I wonder how common it is for people to overcome such major issues like bulimia and, even if they do, to what degree does it still influence us? I remember as a young boy how attractive laxatives were even though I could see no point in using them.
I feel it’s like anything, we all have our negative patterns of behaviour that we can fall into when we are dis-connected from the love that we are. We are either choosing love, or not. When not, we are most susceptible with these known patterns. However, the greater our foundation of love, built from our choice to deepen our connection with self and live life from this place, will be the pull to lessen the temptations and help bring us back to choosing our divine selves and the love that we are.
“I could not accept my feelings or myself, transforming them instead into reactions and STUBBORNLY attaching to and dwelling on these reactions with an intensity that made them bigger.” I can so relate to this Luz, I may not of had Bulimia or been obsessive with food (expect for an indulgence in chocolate and cakes) but I would dwell on my reactions and the reaction of others. I would mull them over for ages until another reaction would come along and I would bury the previous one until something caused it to re-surface. I never realised until recently how little I accepted myself and doggedly held onto my reactions. No wonder I was constipated for most of my life.
Perhaps there are many of us who have not had exactly the types of symptoms that you have had, but we all can have and no doubt hold unhealthy relationships with food. There is so much that we use food for and lets face it, it is never usually about the food, it is always something deeper and related to us feeling like we are not enough or our self worth. But learning to listen to ones body is a life lesson that can only be learnt by us.
” increasing my knowledge, sustaining a non-stop mental analysis,” many of us live in this way, even when we think we eat healthy or are being loving with ourselves. We often live from a should and should not do or eat list instead of feeling our body and what is right for ourself.
Eating disorders are so common. It is not just anorexia and bulimia that can be classed as disorders. An obsession with food, calorie counting, dieting etc are all forms of eating disorders. So much focus can go into the disorder – either in the obsession, or trying to be free of it. But this does not cut to the root of the true disorder. Love is our natural way and when that is out of order, including the love we hold for ourselves, we are in dis-order.
When I look back at the times in my life when my eating has been a big issue it has been because I have not been accepting me, I remember wanting to look another way and be somebody else, of course when we are not accepting of who we truly are life will always be a struggle.
I my case, any issues with food are an indicator that I need to look at something in my life, though sometimes there is also just a process of adjusting to any change in food until I am fully used to the changes.
Love your honesty here Luz and this phrase stood out “I found out that underneath the hardness I was living with in my body, there was a lot of nervousness and anxiety that I never wanted to truly feel or accept. ” My sense is that many of us can relate to that, we have all created hardness in our lives from choices, so that we didn’t have to feel the nervousness or anxiety. This is not a real surprise, so wanting to avoid it. Really learning to feel that and surrender is a big deal and can take some time, so it is up to us to be super loving with ourselves in this process.
Many times in my life I tried to change the symptoms of what was happening without having any real idea how to find the cause of what was happening and actually often not even considering that there could be a cause. Things were just as they were and what debilitated most was the lack of understanding that for an effect there is a cause and that cause can be dealt with.
Thank you again Luz your expression will help to heal many people with your honestly and openness. Too many people have eating disorders and too many people hide it your blog encourages us to all start the discussion.
I do appreciate the honesty and openness we which people have shared their insights into their eating disorders, when we able to be honest with where we are at their is a possibility of understanding what is underlying the issues.
It was beautiful in its simplicity to read that it was honesty that was the key to unlocking this old pattern. We can underestimate honesty, or just use it from a heady understanding. But when it is felt, it can crack open the most stuck patterns to reveal more of the truth that lies beneath the surface of the issue.
Most of my life I have also been living in denial, disregard and completely dishonouring my sensitivity. This is a great blog Luz, one many, many women could relate to. I certainly do. I loved reading it the first time and have come back to it again as much of what you write I am still working on. I love that you came to this. . .” An understanding that ‘acceptance’ is a very good friend of ‘taking responsibility’. . . .I have been feeling a lack of acceptance in myself and this is an understanding I have also come to. I realised that my very first responsibility is to know what energy source I am aligned to and I am certain that the energy source feeding the self judgement, comparison and hurts is not the one to go with, ever!
“I found out that underneath the hardness I was living with in my body, there was a lot of nervousness and anxiety that I never wanted to truly feel or accept” – how true is this Luz of many women/people… what is bulimia or over eating for one person, could be overwork/workaholic for another… we each have ways of trying to not feel what is going on in our lives and bodies through the various activities we partake in that we know cement the [untruth] that we are not (good) enough as we are. Your journey of finding out who you are, through who you are not, is super inspiring Luz, and the way out from such hindrances and holds.
Thank you for your honesty, there is so much to be learned from recognising why we do certain behaviours and looking at the energy we are in, self-love or self abuse?
The deepening relationship and honouring of our bodies, has a way of revealing all that we choose that is not true. I am appreciating this loving communication every day.
So inspiring Luz, the understanding you offer here is very powerful and deeply healing on many levels. Your words speak to us all, what a celebration, ” It is a strong and beautiful foundation I am building on as I continue to allow more, to LET GO of what I am not, and ACCEPT how precious and glorious I am.” Thank you for expressing so fully.
We like to think our clever minds can be used to get us out of trouble. Yet it is our busy, critical minds and lack of presence in the physical body that create the anxiety and nervous tension and keeps feeding this feeling of being on high alert.
Bulimia sounds like such a downward spiral that keeps you trapped in making the same choices over and over. The self-judgment and criticism feels like the most harmful part that keeps you going back to dull yourself.
Thank you again Luz, I come back to this as a point of study to review issues in my own digestion, thanks to the clarity with which you have presented your experiences and shared your unfolding wisdom. I feel that for me acceptance issues continually surface, and when I make acceptance part of my everyday foundation then life does flow more smoothly for me and definitely feels less stressful.
Your story is a powerful and extreme example and I very much appreciate your sharing Luz. Its so interesting for everyone to consider why, when and how we choose to eat the foods we do on an everyday basis, for even when we do not go to the lengths you did to protect yourself with food, if we were open we may find that we are doing the same in a lesser and far sneakier way.
‘I then made the commitment to stay, to go deeper. I made a commitment not with Serge or Universal Medicine, but with myself.’ We can ‘do’ a lot to better or improve our lives, but the commitment to being true is one that needs to come from deep within us; and to us.
It’s incredible what we can choose to ‘believe’ about ourselves; and thus re-shape our entire lives based on something that was never a truth. How freeing it is to then undo the lies we have sold to our self and begin to live who we are.
I always wonder whether, if we have a big light, one of the best ways to stop people being jealous is to get engaged in some all-consuming activity and whether bulimia fits this pattern.
Our relationship with food is a direct result of the relationship we have with ourselves; when we are not accepting and appreciating ourselves we will use food in any way we can to stop our discontent, of course this never works and we are then left with the aftermath to deal with. Far better to relearn how to love ourselves – entirely.
You really went deep and left no stone unturned when facing your dependence on laxatives and what was left of your bulimia; there are many insights in your contribution that go far beyond those two conditions and are relevant for all of us.
When we go deeper in our relationship with ourselves, it completely adjusts the way we feel to eat, and supports us to bring order to the most dis-ordered of eating patterns.
This blog is truly remarkable in the way you have transformed the deep levels of hurt and self worth to heal such a debilitating disease that harms so many. This blog is example of the power within us all to make changes when we make our lives about simple acts of self-love that grow into healing patterns from hurts that have been buried time and time again.
What an amazing and inspiring blog. It’s amazing how much we will self sabotage and let our minds get in the way – if we compound that over days, weeks and years it becomes habitual. It’s just awesome that you worked through your bulimia by getting to the root cause – and then for me to be able to read about your story has been incredible. Also, a beautiful union of Universal Medicine and Western medicine. True healing.
It is so important that we have these conversations out in the open to take away the associated shame and secrecy.
Esoteric Medicine as taught by Universal Medicine takes us to the root cause of our behaviours and lets us see that they are just that, behaviours, not definitions of who we are. In regard to food it can be easy to get drawn into using willpower to stop eating a food but I am continuing to learn that all behaviours, not just food, align to how much we value ourselves, how much we can accept our faults and bring understanding to ourselves. When that occurs we naturally want to make choices that are healthy for our bodies and leave us at ease in our thoughts, and this requires no willpower, just love.
To be able to move out of a way of life that is entirely self abusive to say ‘I am love…and I am joy’ is an enormous statement. You cannot move from abuse to love without a true change in the way you live your life and the dedication to choose this change in everything.
“I was a girl with an amazing sensitivity and tenderness in absolute rejection of herself and reaction to who she was and the environment she ‘happened’ to be in. Wow Luz you have just summed up how many many girls, boys, men and women feel. We are all super sensitive and for many of us life revolves around the reactions of these sensitivities. When like you have we learn to accept who we are our destructive habits drop away.
I am gong through the same process, not because I have bulimia or laxative dependency issues but because I react to life and in that reaction I act in a way that is against myself. This blog is very supportive Luz and highlights the power in acceptance, letting go and surrendering to our own bodies that have an infinite wisdom far beyond what our little (or lower) minds would have us believe.
‘ACCEPT who I was and WHERE I WAS AT.’ This is a very powerful statement and though it is a simple act it has taken me a long time to drop the old patterns of rejection and judgement I had towards myself that got in the way of me embracing and allowing myself to be. The word ‘surrender’ comes to mind, because with that I have found there is no need to use will power or force. Loving choices become easy to make when I surrender and take full care of my body.
The idea of will power is heralded as a good thing. Something to strive for and cultivate but what you said in your blog about it made me stop in my tracks – ‘strong will is not really that ‘strong’, but rather an unnatural force…’ You are so right Luz. When I use will power I am not really dealing with the issue I’m exerting my willpower against. And yes it requires so much effort and energy it can be all consuming and so never sustainable. We set ourselves up to fail.
Bulimia and laxative dependance really does look like a certain kind of torment that never goes away. Which is why it is so amazing to read how it is possible to move these ways out of your body and to live again a life that is full and loving and with out that inner turmoil which no one by right deserves.
‘I was living in permanent reaction to life’- I think most of the population is doing this to some degree. We don’t like the state of the world so we numb ourselves to it- the more we numb ourselves to it the more we accept, the further wayward things go the more we react and numb ourselves further.
Wow, what a powerful piece of writing, I was bulimic for 20 years myself and thought that was pretty bad but while reading about laxatives it really hit home how they are much more damaging to the body then the other eating disorders.
“So I would give in to all these temptations, then go into self-loathing and then I would start binge-eating” I wonder what percentage of the world this sentence relates to, I am sure it will be horrifying high. This cycle you mention Luz is familiar to many of us, what you have shown us is there is a way to break the momentum that keeps us capped and in a dismal state of wanting always to be better.
Such an honest account, will touch many people.
Thank you Luz for this in depth account of your digestive issues. So many of us have problems when it comes to our digestion but it is not really talked about and the only way we handle it is by medicating ourselves. So to read how you allowed yourself to get to the bottom of this habit of yours is very empowering as it shows that it is possible to actually heal from even long term physical issues that we have gotten so used to.
We found and create so many actions to avoid to see were we are because of our own making. And we can cycle around our own suffering, which we did create to not take responsibility…. And than – I am always awed when I realize what a powerful tool acceptance is. To become aware and truly feel what I’ve chosen and what effect this has. It is empowering myself again.
When I read your blog Luz I can feel how you did choose to truly live – that YOU did become alive and tangible again. What a blessing.
I went to high school in South America and using laxatives as an alternative to bulimia was very common. It was far more acceptable and girls could then pretend that they didn’t have an eating disorder, body-issue or huge lack of self worth. Whilst I didn’t use laxative or make myself throw up, there was part of me that was annoyed that I couldn’t. My self worth was non-existent and I was obsessed with how I looked and what I ate. I see this now playing out in teenagers I know, even girls as young as 10. It has become very normal in our society yet it is so far from normal.
Hello Luz and to get to, “Bulimia and laxative dependence is an issue of ACCEPTANCE, and of LETTING GO of everything I react to.” is pretty impressive considering your history that I have just read about. It was quite amazing to read all of this about someone who was still functioning in the world. It was great you were so detailed and honest in this blog and allowed people to read and see what was happening during this process for you. I am sure many people will find this helpful and it certainly opened my eyes to a few things and give me a better understanding and more awareness around what can be debilitating illnesses, thank you.
“I continue to allow more, to LET GO of what I am not, and ACCEPT how precious and glorious I am.” A beautiful and simple prescription for living who we are.
What I can feel is how much of our behaviours, including eating, really reflect our relationship to ourselves. It can be like a maze working ourselves out of our behaviours and understanding them, yet underneath we can see the quality of how we feel about ourselves. The more love and acceptance we can have for ourselves, the more harmonious we can feel in ourselves, the less love and acceptance, the more disruptive and self destructive our behaviours can become.
It is so beautiful that you have committed to altering the foundation you once stood upon to one that now deeply supports you to feel and accept yourself and everything you are… and as such, now treat yourself with the love you deserve.
This blog has been an amazing source of inspiration in my life. I return to it often and always find some nugget of truth comes to light. I have never suffered from Bulimia or any food eating disorder yet I relate so strongly to every word. For that is because this way of holding on permeates so much of our life , not just the things that appear on our dinner plate. Lately, I have come to realise a great source of holding on for me, was to being alone, single and ‘free’, to being unloved, alone and ‘a strange bird’. Since I started to let someone in, to hold me, caress me and Love me, it’s amazing the changes I have felt in my body as I let this old hardness go. Thank you Luz, again for this blog. I can’t recommend reading it enough.
“However, I didn’t want to give up certain foods, so laxatives offered me a solution and I started using them daily.”
It’s amazing how accepted it is to medicate the symptoms even from a young age, rather than look at why we would choose to eat something that disagrees with us.
Lack of accepting ourselves, controlling life and self-loathing are rampantly adopted methods of getting through life. Some turn to laxatives, others any number of alternatives to take the edge of, distract, disconnect and bury our pain.
Self-annihilating coping mechanisms aren’t the exception – they are frequently adopted. What a deep blessing to have access to the enormous wisdom, healing and understanding available to us through Universal Medicine to assist us to permanently move on from limiting and harmful ways and to restore deep vitality, acceptance and self-love.
‘I then made the commitment to stay, to go deeper. I made a commitment not with Serge Benhayon or Universal Medicine, but with myself. Enough was enough; I could not deny my light and my beauty any longer. This meant I went through a period of confrontation, resistance, criticism, comparison and helplessness, but I didn’t give up.’ It is our will to really ‘go there’, and deal with the things we have been avoiding in life that supports us to choose a true change, and not just a change in circumstance.
It is so awesome when we truly realise – “I realised I have lived in REJECTION and JUDGEMENT of my own choices, avoiding the opportunity to truly see and to ACCEPT who I was and WHERE I WAS AT. ” And then look at how we cover this up so as to not feel this, and there are many many ways. What a great turnaround for you Luz, and thank you for sharing this with us and others, so others can start their healing process too.
Thank you for sharing all this Luz. I love your point about thinking and that a life lived governed by our minds does not work as it does not consider the body. To live from our bodies and feel what there is to feel may be uncomfortable at times but is far more honest and real than living in our minds.
“I am not less, and not more than anyone else. I have just made different choices.” This is a powerful statement Luz, and one that would undermine our every attempt to self-denigrate, criticise or judge, something we as women are very well practised at. So lovely to read the changes you have made and how… very inspiring thank you.
This is an epic and honest tale, your ability to share this publicly is truly honourable, especially coming from someone that originally was so understandably secretive about the subject. Its beautiful to hear your absolute commitment to get to the bottom of the energetic reason that you struggled with this illness and addiction for so long. We all have something to face and although our issues may differ, once we feel and let go of them, we all return to same connection, how long we take to return may vary but it’s the commitment to return that inspires me.
I can relate to what you have shared, on the days where I hold onto things and take on the situations of the day I do often find that this affects how I eat- want to stuff my face and then I also find this holding onto the issues and also giving myself a hard time for what I ate also often leads to constipation.
As you state near the end of this blog Luz, what is remarkable is how quickly you have been able to turn your life around and let go of the behaviours that were hurting your body. It is a testament to the support of Universal Medicine but also of your own willingness to change and uncover the root cause of your bulimia and make different choices. Having patience and understanding for ourselves feels key to me, not expecting perfection but giving ourselves the time and space to change and let go of the feelings that cause us to self harm.
Thank you for sharing this, this is something I am working through at the moment and your blog gave me a greater understanding of my way with this. I can feel that I overeat and then the loathing that follows is a way to avoid accepting and dealing with everything that I experience in my day. It requires me to move differently through my day to start to shift what I am taking on.
This sharing touches on an aspects which I related to, being digestion. I am aware I am not feeling great after eating, and I feel if I am not eating in conscious presence, but eating with my eyes and taste buds, I feel a reaction. But taking this deeper I realise I am eating in the first place to not digest and fully accept the light and Love I am.
Luz with the epidemic of bulimia affecting people across the globe, your point of truth with your healing “Bulimia and laxative dependence is an issue of ACCEPTANCE, and of LETTING GO of everything I react to.” is the part many are not supported to reach, yet there is no question it is the key.
So important to understand the true cause of these behaviours as if we leave this unaddressed but stop the behaviour the same pattern will re-emerge but simply with another way of expressing it.
I recently heard how many more boys and men are being diagnosed with eating disorders, this is rally concerning as it shows how many people out there are unaccepting of themselves. We live in a world where we are imposed on to be anything that we are not and in doing causes massive disharmony. Acceptance of ourselves brings up back to the harmony that is always within.
It would be fair to say that most people are indeed living in reaction to life, and in this reaction one is always subject to the tides of everything around us rather than connected to the solid foundation that is always still inside of us.
I have not experienced and know little on the known eating disorders. However what I am coming to learn is how for most there is some imbalance in our relationship with food and I can see for myself how food has been and at times is used to not feel what is really going on in the body.. Reading this blog brings up lots to consider as the reasons behind certain behaviours I have are for the same reasons – to not accept or let go. Thank you for all the insights you’ve shared into an area of life that is often not discussed.
What a great and deep healing for you Luz – ‘The emptiness that was the foundation of my old ways of bulimia and laxative dependency has been replaced by a foundation of love, clarity and simplicity.” Your blog truly shines a light onto this all too common issue and by you sharing your journey of healing here to offer so much to humanity, making them see and feel that this is possible for all.
I never knew that there was such a thing as laxative dependency, so thank you for sharing your story Luz and how good is it that you are free of these things now and living the love that you are, just awesome.
Thank you Luz for sharing with us the reality of bulimia and laxative use, and what it does to the body. We all know eating disorders come in many varieties and can be life threatening, so the more people are open and are willing to talk about these things the more we get to understand what is really going on.
I just realize how easy it is to fall for the ‘easy solution’ and bury our feelings instead of to deal with it. But our lives do not become easier … to become honest with ourselves and with others seems to me a key to develop a foundation of ‘looking for a unfoldment’ and so evolvement and expansion.
Our bodies are such an magical and lovely creation. They reflect all our choices. To try to control this body is also a reflection – a you said Luz it is a lack of acceptance. But on the other hand we are looking for a belonging, longing for to be a part of a bigger picture, longing for a sense in life. We will not find what we are longing for by control and/or avoiding the reflections of our body. Because it is our body that supports us on our way. It is our ally.
It is incredible, the lengths that we are prepared to go to, to not deal with our hurts and past choices.
What a grand blessing beyond our current understanding to have the support of Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and all of those who have lovingly returned to their Truth and are living soulfully on earth.
Hear hear Deborah, I fully second that, blessed are we all to be able to receive the teachings and learn to live in our truth again.
A deeply inspiring blog – you could be describing any number of us who hide, do not accept and resort to a world full of distractions, doctrines, medications and tools to avoid our hurts and getting to the core of who we are.
This is a powerful piece that shows the possibility to heal with the growing low levels of self worth and reactionary ways we live in today’s world. To let go of reactions is a huge step that has allowed the writer of this blog to let go of so much and bring the quality she has to share now with the world.
If we really want to heal the world’s eating disorder issues we need to look at the lack of acceptance and appreciation that is so abundant in our societies.
Your honesty blows me away every time I come to this blog Luz! You are so real and easy to relate to because of this. It is a true gift!
What I love about Serge’s work is that he has made it much more possible for people to share what is really going on for them. Bulimia is just one of the illnesses that he has helped to shine a light on, get people talking about not just for themselves, but to share it so others can see how common it is in the world.
Luz, well said and well claimed. It is amazing how many people are affected by eating disorders. Personally, I feel food is a massive issue affecting society and we tend to use it to check out from life. We massively over eat and eat way too much sugar etc.. Yet we know the harm it does to our bodies yet continue nonetheless. The more we embrace and accept ourselves the less we will seek to harm our bodies, after all if our body is a temple why would we want to harm it?
“Bulimia and laxative dependence is an issue
of ACCEPTANCE, and of LETTING GO
of everything I react to.” Thank you Luz. . . Yes of course, this makes perfect sense. I can remember being bulimic when I was quite young I would have loved to have known what I know now then and what you have shared here!
Wow what an amazing personal account of your journey through bulimia, a great sharing that sheds light on a subject that is often not openly discussed. Your commitment to your healing and subsequent transformation is truly inspiring, thank you Luz.
As a world wide society we need to realise that the amount of dissatisfaction and lack of acceptance of ourselves is something that needs to be deeply looked at. World wide women and men are lacking hugely in self worth. When we don’t value ourselves of course we will turn to food to try and control these feelings. Looking at the root cause and step by step developing appreciation for ourselves and getting to know who we truly are, is always going to be the best remedy for any kind of eating disorder.
This is such a stunningly powerful piece of writing Luz, which hopefully many people with eating disorders will get to read. Through meeting Serge I was able to stop drinking and the whole drinking way of life, a life at times I could see no way out of either. Unlike you though I never really tried to stop until through Universal Medicine and Serge I found enough self love to knock the drinking on the head. I even went out a couple of weeks back with some old friends, something I have avoided for some time, at the risk of being tempted and I felt no desire at all for a drink and couldn’t even stand the smell of it on people’s breaths.
We are happy to discuss all kinds of issues, but there still seems to be a part of us that is reluctant to look ‘under the hood’ at the inner workings of how we poo! And yet just like the rest of our body it is showing us to the finest detail exactly how we have been living. No wonder we would prefer to avert our eyes and turn away – its not just the smell or unpleasant sight but the fact we can see and feel straight away the consequences of how we are. The list you write here Luz is so inspiring to see the correlation with the way we hold on to reactions to protect and distract ourselves from the true beauty and openness we all are.
Thank you for your honesty in your account of your journey Luz. We all have our own tools we use to distract ourselves from accepting responsibility in life. Bulimia is one that isn’t often discussed openly so I am sure it will be appreciated and related to by many.
Luz you have quite clearly demonstrated the power of making self care choices and taking full responsibility for your life, Thank you
I feel this story needs to go on the road, every body needs to embody the fact that we are all equal and to develop fully that foundation based on that and love so that eating disorders can be a thing of the past with no one thinking they are less than another.
Such a powerful sharing that provides deep understanding and inspiration for anyone experiencing an eating disorder, and shows the healing that can take place through a loving commitment to, and deep responsibility for ones own health and wellbeing, thank you Luz.
Another miracle courtesy of The Way of the Livingness.
What an amazing story of commitment, responsibility and loving choices; your transformation is inspiring Luz, thank you.
Learning to love yourself, to make self-loving wise choices, is such a journey of healing and honouring; I love hearing, feeling and reading about your journey Luz.
Hello Luz and this is a massive story about a really amazing series of realisations for you. I wonder why this isn’t more commonly known and maybe you should write a book, “Bulimia and laxative dependence is an issue of ACCEPTANCE, and of LETTING GO of everything I react to.” It is quite amazing to see what we will put ourselves through to avoid something we feel. One thing we should always remember is that you can never not feel something, you can only musk, dull, avoid etc what you have actually felt. Seems from here a waste of time to not feel. thank you Luz and keep writing.
Having just re-read your blog Luz I am again struck by the insight offered through what you’ve shared. There is such a personal element to what you’ve unravelled and this leaves me with a great appreciation for the fact that every person is different, even though the underlying basis of a condition may be very similar. When it comes to healing we have to approach each person as unique, a science unto themselves, and their physical manifestation of whatever is energetically playing out addressed accordingly.
A great sharing that provides deep understanding and real inspiration for anyone imprisoned in their own experience of eating disorders or any other form of non-stop mental analysis and self-abusing, dysfunctional behaviour.
Luz thank you for your sharing – it takes much courage to come into the open about such ‘taboo’ subjects but this is the only way that we can as a society begin to open the conversation and expose the things that so many people are experiencing behind the scenes. This needs to be a conversation had with every teenager, with every woman and man at some point in their life. Bulimia and anorexia are on the rise, amongst many other conditions that abound. But if we can bring more awareness to what happens and how the person feels and why they choose this as a way to manage how they feel, then this will allow us all to work on the issue together and come to a far greater understanding of life and ourselves and each other.
WOW Luz, I am speechless (almost!)… what you’ve shared throughout this blog is absolutely gold for every one of us. To have undergone this process, and have the incredible insight into the intricacies of why you had these issues, and in the process heal them, is astounding. A most touching and beautiful account of healing… very powerful thank you for being so honest and sharing all you have learnt.
Although I never had bulimia I did overeat my whole life and was obese. I went to a Doctor recently and she was amazed by the changes I had made to my weight and health- she was asking me for advice on how I did it.
Luz, your sharing with honesty and openness is amazing – this allows the conversation to begin – these things need to be talked about, they cannot be taboo subjects. Thank you!
Luz, what you shared in the beginning of this blog feels the key for my life and indeed all of us and that is not ‘giving up’ on my commitment to my ‘true self’. It’s all about responsibility and deeply connecting to the truth that I am equal in power and possibility to the love that is at the basis of all life. Truly beautiful to feel, surrender to and unfold in my life.
Dear Luz,
This stands out for me tonight “Enough was enough; I could not deny my light and my beauty any longer. ”
Recently my digestive system is not functioning as I now know it to function and I have finally come to the point of this sentence, something has to give, my light is greater than how any food tastes and it is now time to look greatly into my amount of food, my choice of food and the way that I eat it, as my digestive system is to tender and fragile to not do so.
The fact that there are so many people with bulimia and other eating disorders tells us we as a society are doing something really wrong. We do not bring children up to accept truly accept themselves instead we bring them up with TV and advertisements that tell them they need to look and be like someone else – what a harmful waste of time this is.
Great point Samantha – our illnesses and diseases are there to reflect back to us constantly the choices we make all day long. As a society there is much we can do to make true change, however, we must also be willing to be honest and allow ourselves to ‘see’ and take stock of where we are. It is only from this that we can then begin to make true changes that have lasting effects.
I have used food for so many other reasons then just for nutrition, I have used it to gain a sense of control, to numb myself from the outside world, to stimulate me and distract me, I have used it for a false sense of reward….the list can go on and on. Food can be used like any drug to avoid life and our commitment and responsibility in it. Only when I truly honour myself and hold my self worth do I feel to eat the right amount and the right food for me. Food is a greater marker for me to understand what I have not dealt with in my day or what I am not accepting about myself.
It’s actually incredible how we choose to abuse ourselves with food. But it has very little to do with food, we are either wanting to dull our awareness of what we see and feel, stop the connection we feel with ourselves, not want to see and feel what is going on around us, or not truly be open to people and or let them in and see who we truly are. All of these things stop us from connecting with our bodies, which is how we ultimately connect with our inner knowing and wisdom.
Well said Raegan, it seems there is always a deeper reason for the choices we make and so if we stay with the obvious, such as a choice to abuse ourselves with food, and not look deeper, then we deny the potential for healing at that level.
What an amazing, inspirational journey you share with us all Luz. This sharing has certainly brought up some situations that are close to my heart (and digestive system) and from reading this today I feel empowered to make changes within my own daily living ways. Thank you.
Such an inspiring and informative blog to read Luz. I love the simplicity and honesty in which you transformed your life.
“I arrived at a point in my life where a part of me was truly willing to be open and honest”.
A wonderful starting point; which you chose; to change your quality of life and your honouring of your innate wisdom.
Beautiful to read, thank you.
“I now understand ‘digestion’ as a process of accepting whatever is there to accept, face and acknowledge; contemplating, feeling and pondering on it for a while and then making a decision that will support nourishment and the movement of the flow.” What really stood out for me in this line is the ‘making a decision’ part. I often feel everything, what is going on and when I am reacting to something, but then not get out of it and start to go around in circles, trying to change the situation by waiting long enough. Yet some situations outside of myself that are also dependent on other people their choices I can not change, the only thing I can change is how I deal with it in myself and that is a decision I can and am free to make. What an awesome realisation. To stop holding on to things so much and making a loving supporting change and let go.
Thank you Luz, like you have shared in the first paragraph of your blog it is hugely important to write about the issues many people invisibly deal with. Then talking about it with the understanding you have brought to bulimia yourself is absolutely gold for everyone. I think food is for many people used to not feel, accept, make choices and let go. I can feel for sure it has been and still is at times. We are all very sensitive and food can be the ultimate tool to not feel or be numb to it yet what we forget is that we can become deeply lost when we do numb our feelings with food. The best medicine to this is as you shared loving and understanding ourselves and our sensitivity. This is absolutely gold.
Thank you Luz for this beautiful blog. I powerful reminder that we are not all the dramas, emotions and reactions we create to cover up the rejection and resistance towards our beauty, light and love. I appreciate having read this and not only nodding with all the ugly but starting to see in myself that I too can and am building this connection with my true self. And when my body is given a say – dropping our commitment to being the love that we are in favour of beating ourselves up and rejecting all of that is simply not worth it.
Wow such simplicity! When we learn to love and accept ourselves our issues have no where to go. I find that I am deepening my appreciation of myself daily, some days it seems harder then others but when I take a moment to just be and let go of my own expectations then life flows instead of me making it an upward struggle.
‘I wanted to understand my complex personality. I saw my problem as something so big, so intricate…. But none of these disorganised realisations seemed to really make a difference apart from increasing my knowledge, sustaining a non-stop mental analysis, and making me live in a permanent self-focus.’ – I’ve had the same feelings Luz, and we can spend a lifetime in this fruitless search, whereas when I can feel that gorgeous tender centre in me I know I don’t need to search any more as I have found something divine and perfect and can just work on expanding that.
‘strong will is not really that ‘strong’, but rather an unnatural force, it wasn’t enough’ – how many of us have experienced that? I tried giving up smoking on many occasions to find that there would always be weak moments, situations where I would say I could not control. That was always the problem… trying to control, rather than going deeper to find the root cause. Once I addressed that, all sorts of behaviour fell away naturally.
I have read this blog a great number of times Luz and often think about what it has to say. I don’t have bulimia or even ‘digestive issues’ per se, but so much of what you say applies to my experience of life. Ultimately there is no end to the solutions the mind will look to employ in a search for relief, yet all along the very thing that is crying out, our body, holds the key. Your words today are a great reminder to keep appreciating allowing and accepting what we feel.
Beautifully said Joseph, I totally agree. I also have not experienced bulimia, but have had digestive issues in the past and definitely can relate to a lot of what Luz has shared, just in differing degrees. There is a lot to be said for how much we don’t want to feel what is in our bodies. The mind is incredibly seductive and powerful in wanting relief and to ensure we don’t feel what is there to be felt, either with food, distraction or emotions. All of which ensure we don’t truly feel what is there to heal, but as you say, it is important to keep appreciating allowing and accepting what we feel and being super loving when we don’t, but know we have a choice to do so in any next given moment.
This is such a clear and detailed blog for explaining how eating disorders can be linked to our self acceptance. We can be such harsh critics of ourselves and not see the beauty that is truly there, and it is great to know that these things can be worked on and let go of through taking steps to be more self loving with ourselves.
I battled with food especially at ages of 17 -28 I can see how this was directly linked to my lack of self acceptance. Like you say Carmel taking steps to be more self loving with ourselves is paramount for any true healing to take place.
How we choose to live life and let go of old patterns is deeply reflected in our digestion. I know for me I have not always accepted life, myself and people. There has been a reaction to where I was at and where they were at, so therefore an underlying judgement all the time at how they behaved, how I behaved. So being very self critical, which then led to having unrealistic expectations on myself. This was always a challenge as it felt like it was chicken and egg scenario, going around and around. This is no longer the case, but it took some time for me to deeply connect to me, who I am, being able to accept my divinity and where we are truly from. This is an ongoing process of unfolding.
Thank you for sharing such valuable insights into a disorder that is claiming lives. Every small moment of appreciation starts to open us up to the big picture and into relationship with life and all the opportunities on offer.
As a practitioner of colon hydrotherapy I have see many people have a “Laxative Dependence”, mainly because they choose to eat and drink to sustain a life style of glamour and then use the laxatives to help flush out their systems. What they don’t realise the harm and damage over use of laxatives can do on the body. They effect the body on a cellular level, but also make the colon lazy to function, and so as one ages the muscles in the colon become extremely weak causing more problem with age.
Luz what an amazing transformation you have experienced from self loathing , lack of self worth, and self abuse to truly honouring and appreciating the beauty-full woman you are from your essence. Your honesty was deeply inspiring and healing for me. It allowed me to ponder and reflect on my own life. I too had experienced bulimia and laxative dependence even though it was very brief. The underlying hurt was lack of self acceptance, self loathing and being in reaction to life. I too am so appreciative of having met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine so I could start addressing my hurts and reconnect to the real me.
When we are young there are many ways we can construct or take on in order to control or manage how we feel, if we are not supported to learn how to deal with these feelings truly. We have much to learn in our societies about how it is we can raise children with this awareness and support. This will be true and all-encompassing ‘preventative medicine’.
Thank you Luz, this blog is a lesson in appreciation – of your evolution, your tenacity and the experiences you deservedly magnetised through Universal Medicine. The fact that there is so much passion and energy in your blog clearly reflects the deepening understanding you have developed and all you state about a new foundation is inspiring.
Wow! Luz this is one of those amazing sharings that I feel to return to time and time again. This sentence stood out quite ‘loudly’ for me today “Understanding that ‘acceptance’ is a very good friend of ‘taking responsibility’. A delay of some decades (lifetimes) but now I’m getting quite friendly with ‘taking responsibility’.
I love this sentence – My new foundation was based on self-acceptance, self-love and clarity. I need some more of this in my own foundations at present.
In sheer illusion we harden to ‘protect’ ourselves, blinded to the fact that this very act is what leaves us open for more pain to enter. Our job here is to live the love that we are from the inside-out so that we are not at the whim of all that seeks to mask it, that comes from the outside-in if we allow it. What good is the building an elaborate fortress when its walls are made of that which is not of this love? Thus, our greatest protection is love, for in its light we shine divine a beauty impenetrable by the darkness.
I so love your comments Liane. Thank you.
We think our mind is ‘in control’ but as our true wisdom lies deep in the every particle of our body, a mind ‘in control’ is really a sign of how out of control we actually are for in this state we have overridden the natural impulses of the body in favour of what the mind can be fed that does not come from the well of truth that lies within.
Luz, I love the depth of honesty in which you expose that which is not the true you and all that you have been owned by when living under this false light. It is in the letting go of what we are not, that we first glimpse the glory of who we truly are and in this are able to see and feel once more the loveliness of our true light. Thank you Luz for shining this light so that others may also arise from the shadows that seek to obscure it.
Luz, there is a tremendous amount that you have offered us all as readers in your blog around self acceptance and letting go of everything that doesn’t confirm your utter worth as a person. What was highlighted to me was how much of a burden we can place on ourselves through self blame, shame and judgement etc and the flow on effect on our health. We can set ourselves us to doggedly fight on, even though our health is deteriorating, because we are so set in our ways and not even stop and consider what else may be happening here. Thank you – I’m sure the wisdom behind your words will keep popping up for me over the coming days.
Luz, blogs like this would be a great support to people addicted to an eating disorder as it brings the behaviour out of its secret hiding place and brings understanding to it which gets rid of the shame and helps people face the underlying issues that fuel the problem.
I agree Sandra, it is great to have some light shining in the shadowy places where these kind of lifelong problems lurk.
A really deep and personal examination of what complexity is woven into this way of coping with the world. Congratulations on finding your own way out of the maze and thank you for having the courage and self-acceptance to be able to share it with others.
As I was reading each paragraph and could very much relate to what you so openly and honestly share Luz when I read “Something inside of me wanted to know what the real issue was behind it all” It felt like so many of us I feel, get to the point of searching – searching constantly for ‘something’ in so many different directions as we deeply know that what we’ve invited in at that point, has not worked. The problems are still so deeply buried within. That ‘something’ feels so close yet so far! For myself it feels like at that point we put out a call for help to say we are ready and waiting to now work with the truth of what is truly going on. The response to that call I recognise, it was no coincidence I feel, that like yourself Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon came into my life (like so many others lives) – that was the turning point in my constant search to find the key to start my amazing continuing healing journey. I really appreciate your openness to share your journey with us Luz. Your sharing will inspire/help many. Thank you.
.and if you really want to know and change things to me, meeting Serge Benhayon is the greatest gift, that can happen. He holds you with the greatest love you can imagine and read you inside out to support you to get back to the real you and let go of what does not belong to it.
Wow Luz, your blog includes many blogs itself. It was so great to get an insight of your life and I could really feel no holding back your truth and absolute openness. I could relate to many things you shared- I used to take laxatives when I was in my teenage years- your revelations are absolute gold for someone who decides to take things like that or, have any eating disorder. Thank you for sharing your wisdom!
So true Steffi, Luz has expressed so much gold in her blog and there will be many who will receive a great healing from reading her words and her wisdom.
Luz, this is such a powerful sharing and your honesty is inspirational. The mind is a powerful tool and can be destructive when it controls the body but when we are living from our body of love and the mind is not in control, there is more harmony in the body and our connection with self is very healing.
Amazing blog Luz, thank you for sharing your journey. It is deeply inspiring to read about your choices to go deeper to understand the truth behind Bulimia and laxative dependence. I particularly found your insights and understanding of digestion very interesting. Thank you.
There is alot in the article, and I agree with Michael… many insights which even if you have not experienced Bullimia are still relevant to life and my own experiences.
‘ When I allow myself to FEEL EVERYTHING, knowing that my inner self remains untouched/untainted, I automatically connect to a truth within, and then go into accepting and letting go… without interfering or judging.’ Being able to stay connected to the truth that “my inner self remains untouched/untainted” is key. By identifying with what is happening around us we lose ourselves and the downward spiral starts. A truly amazing blog Luz hincapie
So true that practicing being ‘consciously present’ exposes where our head and bodies are at. So much has been exposed to me concerning how I react and the choices I make through being consciously present.
Luz, this was an amazing support. 100% amazing to read and had so many great points and ah-ha moments and things that you have realised for yourself. That no doubt others can relate too, including me. I read this blog to further understand what is behind bulimia and why people do it. I came to the right place…. a true support and information around it based from one persons personal experience and now living wisdom. Incredible.
You are an awesome inspiration Luz. The appreciation and acceptance that can be felt in your blog is very supportive and healing. I can relate to many aspects of what you have shared, especially your understanding, acceptance and deep apprecition of how sensitive we all are. My body responded immediately to this. Thank you for writing such an amazing blog which supports us to connect with that sensitivity rather than fight it.
This blog is revelatory Luz, the insight you offer into Bulimia and purging deeply healing. There are very few women in the modern world who have not had some disturbance around food in their lives, albeit maybe not bulimia but there are many ways we manipulate food to deal with overwhelming and unresolved feelings.
I agree Josephine, food is a huge issue and can easily be abused and used to keep us from feeling the hurts we carry – is it any wonder obesity is at the levels it is at these days, along with eating disorders. What Luz has done is lift the lid off a subject that holds so much shame surrounding the behaviour, that it makes me wonder how many women there are who are partaking in this type of self abuse who are going unnoticed.
Julie, Luz has ‘lifted the lid’ and looking under that there will be many, women who are secretly indulging in such behaviour and covering it up very well so that often their families have no idea what is going on. If the efforts that go towards hiding the signs of an eating disorder were redirected to dealing with the underlying issues the problem would not continue. By so honestly sharing her own experience Luz has opened up a dark area to the light and once the light gets in healing can occur.
Serge Benhayon has changed forever the understanding of illness and disease for not only you Luz but many others too and more than likely many many more to come. Without understanding the cycle of illness and disease and why it happens and linking it to the way we live our everyday our poor health statistics will continue to escalate.
Sure, bulimia is and extreme example of relationship with food, but worldwide there is a rampant and ongoing disconnection with our awareness of what our bodies actually need, as opposed to what we make our bodies eat… It really is surreal the difference, and if we just take the time the opportunity and the connection to tune into our bodies, then it is amazing what will be revealed to us.
very true Chris. Many, if not most, have an eating disorder… just not to the medical extent and so everyone thinks they are A-okay.
I agree Emily – I know what my own relationship with food has been like and the control I’ve had around it – an unhealthy obsession of eating/not eating which thankfully has stopped since I’ve been doing course with Universal Medicine – it amazes me that the cravings that used to control me every day are completely gone.
Absolutely Emily- I would reckon that almost everyone has a eating disorder in some shape or form! And not every disorder is visible like bulimia. That´s the problem…The other difficulty-Because so many have a disorder no one is actually questioning themselves what is wrong.
Great point Steffi, with so many having a disorder no one is actually questioning themselves what is wrong. Most of the time they are just turning a blind eye, unless they feel sick and need medical assistance, so many just don’t want to take responsibility,
Steffi, I suspect this is true that “almost everyone has a eating disorder in some shape or form.” It may not be as extreme as bulimia but even having one mouthful too much is self-abusive because the body has to process the extra food that it doesn’t need.
Another example of accepting less in life because it is normal, but when we ask ourselves is it natural it just stands out like a sore thumb because it is so not normal.
You went the whole way Luz, all the way back to your true self. Your blog shows courage that stems from a woman who lives the love she is, there is so much here I will enjoy reading it many times. The understanding you have garnered and the grace with which you now hold yourself are inspirational. Thank you for being such a role model and not holding back on sharing so that others may take the same footsteps as you to true health and vitality.
This is such a very powerful blog Luz, thank you for being so open and honest.
“I made a commitment not with Serge or Universal Medicine, but with myself”. What a level of responsibility you have reflected to us Luz, a level I very much appreciate.
Luz I am inspired by how you “understand ‘digestion’ as a process of accepting whatever is there to accept, face and acknowledge”.
It has been my experience that critical judgemental thinking has led to self loathing and then the desire to bury my undealt with feelings by reaching for food as an form of distraction.
What you offer here in this blog is deeply healing and offers great insight into what lies behind bulimia for some people.
There is such a deep level of honesty here that has been shared and is appreciated by many.
It is incredible to read in the comments how common these issues are for so many women – hugely concerning for all involved especially as diet and weight loss industry is a growing one, full of celebrities endorsing products they have never used and happily taking huge paychecks.
Luz, I so enjoyed reading your blog, it was so exposing, real, with a depth and honesty that is amazing. To read where you were, how you were with you body, how you loathed yourself so much, to read how you have turned your life around was deeply inspiring. I feel we all have our own personal relationship with food, I myself using it continually to not fully feel what is going on at times. It is something we can all relate to I am sure. Thank you for sharing with us your amazing unfolding.
I remember hearing a story about how Buddhist monks up in the mountains strip away every possession, every link with family and friends. They literally cut away all temptations and desires in the hope of finding peace… but this persons observation was that they could still not escape their own food issues, which of course still has the opportunity to play out (even if all you can eat is dough and yaks milk!)
This is such a deeply healing blog for so many Luz and should be shared wide and far. It is one I shall come back to many times.
I definitely reread this amazing blog too, Jane!
Dear Luz, there are so few out there within the Eating disorders world who have a true understanding of the underlying causes of this illness as you now do. Hence why it is super important for stories such as yours to be shared. Perhaps you may want to look into seeking out the organisations that are there to support people who suffer ED’s and share your story with them. I would back you all the way.
You are absolutely right Anna, real life testimonials of someone that knows those demons well and has overcome them is great medicine, and encouragement. Someone who knows the traps and can describe them well empowers others who feel that nobody understands. This is extremely important to share Luz, and with Anna, I will back you all the way as well.
I agree Anna,
This article reveals incredible insight that is deeply healing for people suffering eating disorders I would also back this being more widely shared.
Shining our light to expose what is such a deep dark secret is transforming and the reward is a return of self love and appreciation.
Completely agree Anna, there is no true understanding out there of why people have eating disorders. Story’s such as this with people who want to take responsibility, change their choices and fully understand the true reasons behind the eating disorder is so needed in the general public. I would back her 100% of the way also.
It is unfortunate the topic of bulimia is seen as something that is so shameful and something to keep hidden under the covers. Much to our great detriment, the less we talk about it openly, honestly and without emotional reaction, the more we can actually heal and move on from it with a greater understanding of what is truly going on as you have so wonderfully shown here Luz.
It seems to me when we doubt ourselves we open ourselves up to two insidious energies, one is criticism of self and the other is perfectionism, these two work side by side to perpetuate feelings of self loathing and inadequacy. It has dawned on me recently how utterly important it is that we seal the holes where this stuff first enters.
The antidote to any of this is self appreciation, to learning to appreciate oneself can be slow process but is absolutely worth it’s wait in gold. For with out self appreciation we are at the mercy of self criticism and perfectionism which if left unchecked sets out to destroy the foundation of love we naturally are.
The never-ending search to numb the hurts finds an end when we accept our sensitivity.
And the hurts, brining grace to life.
Well said, Felix! It takes courage to live the sensitivity in todays society but it is the only way to truly change the game. Being open to feel everything and in the same time observing what is felt.
I appreciate your open and honest article Luz, I especially like how you have nominated that digestion issues have a direct relationship with acceptence issues. Your story has the potential to help many
A very important story to be told that will help many Luz, thank you . It is inspirational.
An awesome blog. Thank you Luz. I know I shall return to read this again. It is a blog that needs to be shared world wide, to as many as possible, it holds so much practical wisdom. I love how you say “everywhere I went the temptation was there… and because strong will is not really that ‘strong’, but rather an unnatural force, it wasn’t enough.” How many of us think, or used to think, that our will power will somehow save us? We can feel it as an unnatural force but do not accept it as such, we have so much invested in it. You show us here that healing starts by connecting to our feelings and being more honest with ourselves. “of ACCEPTANCE, and of LETTING GO
of everything I react to.”
Something that stood out for me when I was reading you amazing blog Luz, was the words in big letters – Making a Commitment, it may seem rather small to many, but it is followed up with – making a commitment, not to anyone else, but with yourself. This is where these types of illnesses come from, that deep disconnection with ourselves. Your unfolding back to that and reconnecting to who you truly are, sounds like it did take absolute dedication, commitment and building a body of love. Through appreciating all of who you are. This may sound easy, I know that it is not, we have very deep patterns that desperately do not want to let go, so the responsibility one has to commit to is significant and key for any true healing to occur.
“making a commitment, not to anyone else, but with yourself” I love that line Raegan. Luz is completely on the money with this one. And what you say is so true- That it takes complete dedication to yourself and love as some patterns are embedded and seem as though they don’t want to budge. We are so good at keeping ourselves away from how simple, amazing and love-filled we actually innately are.
An understanding that ‘acceptance’ is a very good friend of ‘taking responsibility’. When I consider the possibility of throwing up again or taking a laxative, I know there is something that goes beyond the issue of not accepting or not wanting to feel something; I now know it’s because I do not want to take responsibility for the way I am living, and for the quality of life I am living.”
You can apply this above paragraph to all choices we make during the day. For instance each time we go to eat something that we know will not support our body we could ask our self before we eat it why are we are not wanting to take responsibility for our quality of being and how is this going to impact on every-one around us? We need to make our self accountable for each choice we make instead of going into automation and comfort
Your sharing is so powerful, honest, rich and wise, Luz, thank you. Every paragraph is like a whole blog in itself – aside from the inspiration through your unfolding process, you are offering here. This shows the incredible change you have made in such a comparatively short time. What you share about the patterns of self-abuse I feel is transferable to every other self-abusive choice too. I will come back to your blog for sure.
I love the way my logical mind always thinks it is about dealing with the issue, such as bulimia. But time and time again, reading these amazing blogs and in my own experience, it is only developing love that makes the difference. And unless this love is built up in the body through the way we live, we are just working with our mind to think we are improving but not actually healing. This key seems to be the ingredient missing from a lot of programs to help people with weight loss and eating disorders.
A great point you state here Fiona.
The clarity you write with about this experience is precious Luz. The way you describe how you were living in a place where you condition was “more manageable” through a level of disconnection and hardness is very revealing and something we as people might do well to read, and digest. The understanding of acceptance you have come to is beautiful to feel and valuable to read – thank you for sharing.
Luz to read your journey from bulimia and laxative dependence to who you are now is truly inspiring. I am sure there will be many who will truly thank you for your sharing, and truthful and informative blog. This information and you sharing with so many can make a huge difference to someone else’s life also as it has to you. Thank you for your honesty and wisdom.
Luz, thank you for such honest sharing, about a subject most people are loathed to talk about or admit.
What an incredible transformation you have gone through. Your blog is an awesome inspiration to those who suffer from bulimia and laxative dependence. It would be great to see this article in health magazines.
Luz, thank you for your honesty. Your story will help many, not just those with eating disorders but those who are expressing their reaction to life in different ways and those who are trying to avoid feeling by using various methods to harden and protect themselves.
So true Sandra. It doesn’t just relate to those who have or do experience bulimia. This blog as so much in it for everyone.
Actually what you have discovered is absolute amazing and worth spreading into the world.
A health regime for digestive conditions could look like this:
Not living in reaction and judgement of your own choices avoiding the opportunity to truly see and to accept who you are but undoing the comforts and taking responsibility for the hurts inside. Instead of going into denial of your own light it is to claim yourself in responsibility to your own health and life with other choices. To re-boot the light, love and Joy you are.
There are so many powerful and inspiring revelations in your sharing, I like especially this one “I now know that becoming hard does not protect me at all, it actually hurts me more.” I had the same illusion, that – if I become hard and build some muscles around my body, I can protect myself better. I had so many coping mechanisms, all of them, just to protect my hurts or better, to avoid feeling my hurts. And it is so liberating not to run away any more and to feel everything, what is in my body, without overriding it.
Luz reading your blog again, I am still so inspired by the changes you have made and how you have turned your life around. Today what stood out was the fact that you made a commitment to yourself. It made me look at how good I am at committing to others and not letting others down, but that when it comes to my own self-care, I can easily put it off and allow it to get relegated to the bottom of my priorities. Something for me to ponder on today.
For some time now I have heard the term ‘bury things in our body’. It is an interesting concept as usually we don’t know that we have buried something because we have chosen to ignore our awareness. Sometimes I am presented with situations where I can feel I have the opportunity to deal with things I have buried or not dealt with in the past. It is like I can feel myself saying ‘oh no, not that again’. So even though I think I may not be aware that I am burying something, even if it was 10 or 20 years ago, there is a re-collection (usually a re-action) of this choice the moment it presents itself again. My body loudly and clearly reminds me that I do know exactly what I have been burying.
This is a great reminder Vicky, to realise what we have buried that is a choice from the past. That uncomfortable feeling that needs to be felt as such again, to be able to heal. It reappears when certain situations are too difficult to handle and not knowing what to do with these chaotic feelings; instead of eating something, to stop and to feel my choice now, that I want my connection with myself again, without being hard and punishing myself. I like the saying, whoops that was not right, but I have the choice to feel the sweetness that I am, instead of biting into a muffin.
Luz, this is amazing, thank you for writing this — so many will benefit from reading this incredible blog. Bulimia and a dependency of laxatives may be taboo topics that people don;t talk about, but boy are they rife. What you share here which is our gold is what isn;t talked about and ought to be — why, what is the root cause of such illnesses, and why therefore are they rising and rising in modern society? The empowerment and joy that is clearly what you live with now is the inspiration for all of us, and a true example of what it is to take responsibility for our own healing.
Oh yes, this is gold what you have shared and come to at the end. This should be out in the world Luz, because I know of so many people suffering with this conditions. Reading how you feel now is so inspiring and what made you change, it comes back to the choice you have made and no longer wanting to go on in this vicious cycle.
Luz, I felt tingling up my spine reading your story- probably because I can relate to some of what you have shared. I can feel that you are really appreciating the extent of the changes in your life and just how powerful the connection to your inner heart is. Saying yes to change, self love and self responsibility is pretty amazing. You are amazing!
The way that you write about your encounter with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine really resonate with me “I made a commitment not with Serge or Universal Medicine, but with myself.” The only way to truly heal any issue, hurt or behaviour that harms us is to commit to ourselves, for ourselves, no one else can do it for us, they can inspire, they can support but the the commitment has to come from ourselves first. I agree, there came a time in my life when I said enough of living like, I want change and so I did.
My body brought me to this point where I knew how I was living wasn’t working. Many of us find ourselves in this situation and change our lives but do not make a true change by developing a relationship with ourselves. For instance when I had tried relationships and found they didn’t bring what I was looking for, I switched to focussing on being a mother. Luckily when this didn’t fulfil me either, I found Universal Medicine and self-responsibility, depth and purpose in life, rather than another solution that would leave me searching agin.
I think you have nailed it here Sam – why students of Universal Medicine are so consistent and dedicated to the work. The commitment becomes one of self healing and then blossoms into an expression of ourselves in a more natural and divine way (no matter how that might manifest). This is a life long process, and the support offered by Serge in this is like no other… ever expanding.
It is such a blessing to read your sharing Luz. I can learn so much from your experiences. It is just amazing, how you have turned your life around by taking responsibility for your choices. Pure inspiration – thank you.
A fascinating, educational and truly remarkable story of true healing. The awarenesses you have come to are just stunning and a blessing to anyone who reads them for many lie at the foundation of how we have all chosen to live far from who we innately are. The new foundation you have chosen for yourself is deeply inspiring and a remarkable testament to the power of addressing what we have created, yet at anytime can transform.
Indeed a great choice and yes anytime it can transform, that is very true. It is never too late to turn back to who we really are. Very inspiring blog.
I love how Samantha you have brought it back to something we have created, for too often we feel victims to situations in our lives. Taking responsibility like Luz has is the only way we can truly heal, for in self responsibility we see that it is actually us that created the problem in the first place.
Dear Luz, this blog is really huge. I also often have a strong drive to eat and don`t choose to stop myself because I don`t want to feel what`s really going on for me and to face my hurts. Acceptance is so absolutely important but at the same time so difficult, because there is so much to accept… acceptance of life, of oneself, of others, of oneself coming from light and being divine etc. etc. I sometimes just don`t know where to start. It feels like my body wants me to surrender to everything. Like you I have been a very hard and mental person most time of my life and I experience that accepting the love that I am makes me soften more and more. What you have written inspires me to go much deeper in my eating patterns and digestive problems. Thank you for that.
Having had (and still at times have) digestive issues, your blog has given me tremendous insights into what goes on, in particular the part about letting go and acceptance. Accepting what is there, facing it and acknowledging it, rather than the constant cycle of running away form what one feels.
Very much-appreciated Luz, thank you.
A deeply touching and absolutely inspiring story for us all, whatever we are dealing with in our lives the commitment and resolve that you have Luz is a marker that we always have a choice to change and choose a loving connected life. I appreciate your frankness and depth of honesty in what you share.
A brave and revealing blog Luz, what you have written about give us all a deeper awareness how we all use food to suppress our hurts, feelings etc. Getting honest about the way we use food is an important step to changing our patterns around eating.
Wow – you are amazing Luz! A standing ovation and a deeply felt appreciation for your very honest and personal sharing. I have learnt so much reading your story. This is true education and should be freely available in all schools throughout the world.
I really feel how much deeper I can go with lovingly accepting the depth of preciousness and gloriousness I am and in seeing how I sabotage myself from expressing it in full in the World.
How very true that the healing and building a new loving foundation would have taken many lifetimes to sort out by ourselves! And yet with the living example and generous support offered by Serge Benhayon and Univeral Medicine – and that we have been willing and ready to receive it as you beautifully claim – an amazing change has been possible in a very short period.
Your list of your process to build your new foundation offers an extraordinary depth and support. Describing responsibility in the way that you do makes perfect sense; it is in fact the deeper layer beneath the patterns and reactions that play out.
What a revelation … going into reaction and the compulsion to hold onto something! .. A story, a comment from someone, an argument or resentment, feeling the victim of something…. Wow! I have never seen so clearly the way that holding on (reflected by gut issues) plays out in my life. Thank you Luz!
Luz, wow, you have reached an incredible depth in this blog. I am blown away by how much there is here to respond to! The realisations you have come to in your story could equally be mine. This is the very thing I have come to clearly understand in myself recently: ‘All my life I had been living in denial, disregard and completely dishonouring my sensitivity.’ When in fact, I have always been a deeply tender and delicate girl underneath the protection, in complete reaction to the life I was in and hence in a prison of ‘a very individualistic, punishing mind, obsessed with perfection and the struggle to be recognised and accepted.’
Whilst I never experienced the extremes of full blown eating disorders, food has always been a way of sustaining this pattern and held an obsessive quality to it. It has also been one of the best ways to keep me distracted and comfortably numb to avoid taking responsibility for my choices. The first areas I began to heal were my digestion and the way that I exercised, developing consistency, commitment and most importantly, honouring my very tender sensitivity. This gave me the foundation to begin FEELING again, LETTING GO of my hurts, ACCEPTING my choices, as well as dealing with the abusive relationships I found myself in.
Thank you Luz for sharing so openly. I am deeply inspired by what you have said in regard to issues of acceptance and letting go, you have given me much to ponder on.
I too have been practising letting people in on a whole new level, as I am doing this the protection and hardness I feel in my body is dropping away. As I judge myself less and bring more understanding and acceptance of my self I am able to do this with others.
Looking back I can see my bulimia stemmed from me loathing myself and not appreciating and accepting myself for who I was. We are not born with self-loathing but because we are not accepted for who we are when we are little by our parents (I am not blaming them they too were not met when young), we never think we are enough and thus begins the self worth/ self loathing issues and lack of self acceptance issues which can lead to bulimia or other eating disorders
Thank you from the love that I am for this written piece. If I take away Bulimia and the use of Laxatives I can replace them with alcohol & drugs easily and see and feel that each step and consequence has been a result of living in a constant reaction to life and a non acceptance of who I am – a very tender and sensitive being. This incredible ‘how to’ has been a reminder of the commitment we are to make in each and every day – the commitment to honour our beauty and our light.
Yes Lee… we can substitute bulimia and laxatives with all sorts of other vices. Anything to numb out the pain of not being met for the beautiful tender being we truly are in a world that we can perceive as cold and unaccepting. But what we do when we go into that spiral is no longer accept ourselves. We want to stuff down, numb out, obliterate our own sensitivity. We want to dismiss and shun away who we truly are. And that is then our greatest hurt, our lack of acceptance of ourselves, and into a vicious cycle we go with our own choice of vice so as to avoid feeling that pain.
I really loved what you spoke about with regards to digestion here Luz – “Surely a ‘good’ digestion has to do with the type of foods we eat, in what state of being we prepare and eat them, and also the level of love or disregard we live in.”
It brings so much more in to the picture of why we react to foods and may have digestive troubles. There are not just ingredients in the food we eat that we can react to, but a whole host of other things that affect our bodies. Being allowed to be aware how sensitive our bodies are is the first step, then we can begin to heal what is causing the disturbance in the first place.
Luz your blog is like a study that I keep coming back to and receive more understanding of myself, the processes I am in and how these reflect in my body. Your understanding and grasp on life, and ability to express it are all a gift to humanity. Today I have really gained deeper insight into my own issues of acceptance, self acceptance and feeling rejected by groups. I can certainly feel how this has played havoc with my digestion and the choices I made to disconnect from me further weakened my body. The truth is that when I’ve changed myself or lessened myself to fit in, there is no true healing because it’s just a reaction that sits on top of the lack of acceptance issue, and it ultimately is about me accepting me or not in the face of whatever is coming at me.
Very powerful what you are sharing Luz. It reminds me on – it is all about self responsibility and we can’t run away from our hurts. The hurts will control us, until the day we feel what is hurting us and then we are able to let go of everything what we are not. And it shows me, how much we can do (self-abuse) to not feel our hurts – what a vicious cycle and a prison it can be due to our choices.
The intensity of life can make it quite hard for some to accept – so it is really important what you have shared here Luz. There are many behaviours we can go into when we feel overwhelmed by what there is for us to accept in life, and bulimia sounds like one of them. When we grow up not knowing how supported we are, and that all that is placed before us is completely within us to handle, it is easy to go into these patterns. We need more open exposure of these type of behaviours Luz so they can be called out and worked on, as they often are so secretively tucked away. You have done huge service today by being so open about it all – thank you!
“When we grow up not knowing how supported we are, and that all that is placed before us is completely within us to handle, it is easy to go into these patterns” This was brilliant to read Amelia.
What a deeply honest and beautiful sharing Luz. How amazing what you have been able to stop, feel and heal within yourself. This is such an inspiring story for so many people who may be dealing with now, or starting to feel the things you have shared. Your dedication to yourself and a knowing that beneath all the abuse there was an amazing, loving, beautiful woman. Thank you so very much for sharing.
Luz a truly revealing blog and one I am sure many will find really helpful, whether it is for information or to be inspired to heal Bulimia. So pleased you have had support and the determination to heal.
The willingness to make new choices supported you and those who watched the harm Bulimia can do to our friends and family. An inspiring blog to read.
A powerful personal account of someone turning their life and health around. Letting ourselves ‘feel it all’ is as you say the key to acceptance and responsibility – something which also keeps us connected to our essence and in connection also with others. Not wanting to feel underlies all of our protection, separation, complication and self-abuse.
This is an amazing expose of bulimia Luz…I can relate to so much of what you share here although I haven’t had bulimia, however I have been just as punishing of myself. It reveals how we can each have our own unique journey yet it can be so similar to anothers – just with a different flavour.
Luz it is so great that you are speaking openly about your past relationship with food. I too have found that by openly expressing the the things I’ve felt ashamed of the healing has already begun. I have never suffered from bulimia but I totally relate to the momentum of behaviours that lead to self-loathing and that feed the self-judgement. This cycle of non-acceptance that drives destructive behaviours is totally crippling, and often deeply hidden from ourselves so that we’ve accepted it as part of who we are, until something wakes us up to the fact – for me Universal Medicine was the healing agent.
Luz, I just read your incredibly honest and powerful blog of your experiences and understanding of bulimia and laxatives. There is so much in this blog that I can relate to, even though I have not been bulimic the patterns of self sabotage and judgment are just the same.
Luz your story of healing bulimia is very inspiring. Even though I have not suffered with bulimia, I have struggled with an unhealthy relationship to food over the years. Today the lines that stood out for me were ‘A willingness to feel everything around me and practising not going hard when I sense something coming towards me. I now know that becoming hard does not protect me at all, it actually hurts me more.’ I have used food to stop myself feeling uncomfortable emotions, and I can also relate to bracing myself (going hard) in an effort to protect myself, but as you say it only hurts more to do that. Your honestly in this blog is deeply touching.
Luz, what you have said here is so precious… and frankly says it all!! “I have come to realise AND ACCEPT that I am worth it, I am Love, I am Harmony and I am Joy.” Your story was a true inspiration, courageous and very honest. It has the potential of benefiting so, so many people. Anyone with an eating disorder should read this. While I have not had Bulimia, my relationship with food has not been a healthy one. One I still have to watch closely.
“increasing my knowledge, sustaining a non-stop mental analysis, and making me live in a permanent self-focus” – Seems like this in itself locks us up in our own prison when we are trying to get out of the prison we feel we are in. Luz, you have offered a key to unlocking the door. Thank you.
“I was living in a permanent reaction to life and I would do anything to protect myself and to not feel the unknown fears and the apprehension I felt about dealing with life and its practicalities. It was a simple but powerful revelation to become aware of this mechanism that I had created to walk through life.” I can totally relate with these words. At one time I used the same mechanism and the result for me? ….Exhaustion! Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine presented a way for me to return to a steadiness and ultimately a connection with a living stillness within where I have started to return to a natural vitality and a calm with life in general.
Thank you Luz for sharing so openly and honestly your experience of bulimia and your dependence on laxatives. I can relate to most of this blog. I have not suffered from constipation but I have had bulimia. It happened more than 20 years ago which lasted a couple of years before my body broke down with exhaustion. I did not use laxatives but I threw up most of the time. When I first read this blog it brought up much in me especially the feeling of shame. I completely shut down and could feel an unwillingness to share my story. I slept on it and woke up next morning with a feeling to write. The tears came and although I do not suffer with bulimia now there is still some self loathing in my body to heal. I want to thank Luz most sincerely for giving me and many, many other women and men an opportunity to heal the underlying cause of this debilitating eating disorder.
Thank you for you honest sharing, Caroline. I experienced pretty much the same. I have also been bulimic and did`t want to write about it because I was ashamed of it. But what I feel now is that it`s just a game of the spirit to keep us from expressing, facing and healing issues. It`s important not to make the bulimic behavior about us, but about energy we let in. Blaming oneself just makes everything worse. Just expressing the truth about it is already a big healing.
Lots to learn Luz from your honest account… I have now an understanding of the driving force and the feeling behind the behaviour that traps so many.
This is such a power packed blog Luz, I could read it daily for the next few days to take in more of your sharings. I really loved this paragraph “I was a girl with an amazing sensitivity and tenderness in absolute rejection of herself and reaction to who she was and the environment she ‘happened’ to be in. A girl protected with a very individualistic, punishing mind, obsessed with perfection and the struggle to be recognised and accepted.” – I relate to this entirely and you have brought a new level of understanding to my own struggles with food and laxatives.
Yes Brooke, this sentence I could have written myself. It’s uncanny as I read the comments how so many of us can relate to this line. It goes to show that when an issue presents itself in the body we are never alone in experiencing it.
Wow, Luz, this is an amazing article, so honest and detailed and precise in how you have described your development. I can relate to so many aspects of your blog, especially to be very sensitive, reacting to what I feel and overwrite it, to then become more and more desperate because of the disconnection from my feelings. So for my daily learning to stay with my feelings honoring them as I learn to honor my body too, your list will be a great support and your change an inspiration. Thank you so much.
Luz this is such a great article I am gong to print out some bits and put it on my fridge.
Yes I agree Gill, a truly beautiful learning indeed and one we can all connect with and practice on a daily basis until it becomes the ‘WHAT IS.’
‘I now understand ‘digestion’ as a process of accepting whatever is there to accept, face and acknowledge; contemplating, feeling and pondering on it for a while and then making a decision that will support nourishment and the movement of the flow.’ I love this line Luz. It has made me realise how I can still choose to overeat and choose digestion of food as a means to simply avoid the ‘digestion’ process of what is happening in my life.
Wow Luz, this should be in every university across the globe. What you have presented here needs to be studied for years to come. Eating disorders are notoriously difficult to treat, yet you have given such a clear and simple way forward that could revolutionise treatment strategies across the world. Thank you deeply for sharing your journey with us.
I agree Caroline, this should be posted in journals and schools everywhere. It offers a shining light into why eating disorders happen in the first place and what every single one of us can do out of our own free will to come back to the glory that we are. It’s articles such as these that are needed in our education system.
Thank you Luz for a very open and honest sharing of your past and current live choices. Your testimony is important and will serve a lot of people.
“Getting to feel the difference between the suffering and emptiness that comes with being ‘disconnected’ and the ease and fullness I feel when I allow myself to reconnect to the essence deep within me” .This resonates to me. At this very moment I am feeling how tired I am from not living from my essence and not feeling how I am part of a whole and that I need to be/live according to the rythem of the whole.
We hear a lot about eating healthy, but what Bulimia and your account show us Luz, is that food is much more that just nutrition. As you say, in this case it came down to your digestion of life. If we all consider how and what we are actually eating, from this bigger picture, then perhaps we will start to see what really is at play when we consume food.
Yes Joseph, you made me ponder further today about “digesting life”… I felt very clearly that when we are about expectations and ideales of what life should be, feel or look like, we would definitely have a hard time ‘digesting’ what is in front of us and that is less than what we expected…leading to reaction, dissapointment, unwillingness to feel and accept what is there, and then…what a better way to cope than to eat, overeat and chose food that we know is difficult to digest in our system! All linked together. Not worth the price…better to let it be, accept, understand, let go and keep flowing, expanding and evolving in the unfoldment of our lives.
Luz, you said: I realised I have lived in REJECTION and JUDGEMENT of my own choices, avoiding the opportunity to truly see and to ACCEPT who I was and WHERE I WAS AT. Above all, I was tenaciously holding onto the list of comforts I’d created to not take responsibility and to avoid dealing with my feelings and my choices. These comforts kept me less, comfortable, and in denial of my own Light, Love and Joy.”
This is just one of the gems in your blog; I will certainly re-read it. I love how you have turned this around and how you decided to take full responsibility; and how empowering this is! Thank you for your true inspiration Luz.
Dear Luz, thank you so much for sharing your story so honestly. This is so important, as you say, bulimia is a topic not openly talked about at all, so it is amazing to offer this to the world, to bring it more and more out of the closet. I found the secrecy that goes with being bulimic a very insidious part of it. Coming to such a great understanding and a totally different approach, thanks to Universal Medicine, being more loving and accepting of yourself, and claiming the beautiful woman you are, is the best healing you could give yourself. Very inspirational indeed.
Luz your blog shows what incredible commitment you have with yourself and life, and living the truth you always knew was there. It was inspiring to read what understanding you got to with your mind, feeling what was your truth and what voice wasn’t. I could really feel the stillness you had found within.
What an incredible story Luz. It always amazes me what we will put our body through in order not to feel. I really felt while reading your story, the importance of people living a life presented by Universal Medicine, and the gift of change and truth it can bring to ones life.
This is such honest and healing writing Luz. There are thousands of people that also suffer from Bulimia. By you being willing to be honest, look, feel and see you got to see ‘I was living in a permanent reaction to life and I would do anything to protect myself and to not feel the unknown fears and the apprehension I felt about dealing with life and its practicalities. It was a simple but powerful revelation to become aware of this mechanism that I had created to walk through life.’ From my understanding when we are willing to be truly honest and see what is going on that is when the true healing begins. You show as well what happens when we don’t deal (or want to feel) with what is actually going on in how we reach out for something to ‘numb’ us be it food, drugs, alcohol, TV or relationships. But you also got to feel you are ‘a girl with an amazing sensitivity and tenderness’. I too love Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and Universal Medicine Practioners they have been a massive support in helping me to reconnect, heal and start to reclaim who I truly am.
Dear Luz,
There is so much in your blog that explains for me and brings understanding to the absolute mess the world is in when it comes to food consumption and digestive problems. I personally have had my own experiences with needing to use laxatives. I needed them for years as my bowls simply could not cope with the dairy and gluten that I was eating. I never connected this though, you see my nose and constant sinus infections was what finally pushed me to give up both of these foods. It was only when I did this that my bowels too improved to where I no longer need laxatives. It really makes me wonder as I read more about other peoples experiences just how much harm many are causing to their bodies in the belief that they have to eat dairy for calcium and gluten for roughage.
Wow Luz, so honest, and revealing, with such depth of insight into bulimia and laxative abuse.
What an amazing transformation you went through after 13 yrs of selfabuse, once you decided to take responsibility for your behaviour and choices. I used to suffer from chronic indigestion and constipation as a teenager and adult.
Your blog has helped me look deeper into my own issues of acceptance and letting go.
This is a great sharing Luz, I am sure everyone can relate to what you have written, with or without bulimia – especially as eating for emotional reasons is a huge issue and is far more than just being obsessed with certain foods. For me it’s been so much easier to eat than deal with things, which like you say we can then get caught in a cycle of eating and then feeling bad about ourselves.
Wow Luz, what you have shared here is a feast that requires time to digest, so I will be revisiting this blog. Bulimia has never been a behaviour of mine, and yet I can relate to everything you have shared. I’m left with the words acceptance and letting go to ponder more deeply today.
Agreed Anne the depth of healing offered in this blog requires a multiple of reads. Who would have thought the body could tell us so much, digestive issues, finding things difficult to accept; constipation, having difficulties letting go. Who needs to see a psychologist when we have the greatest one with us all the time our own body 🙂 Just kidding it is always great to get support when needed, yet when we do listen to our body we are far more prepared and open to what is going on, take that to your therapist and you are already well on your way to healing.
This blog is so powerful for all of humanity, not just those with eating disorders. What you have expressed here feels like a universal process we each engage in daily, acceptance, rejection, reaction, denial, burying issues – and of course accepting our greatness. For me today the healing has come from a new understanding of myself in this same process, the lack of understanding I allow in some situations and my subsequent lack of acceptance and dwelling on things. Such and incredible blog, a true gift for humanity.
So true Melinda, we can relate all that has been shared here to our daily lives and I agree, acceptance, rejection, reaction, denial, burying issues – and of course accepting our greatness, these are all aspects to feel and deal with so that we truly can accept our love and greatness in all that we are and bring.
Wow.. this truly is a powerful blog… This is a blue print for the way to heal bulimia. You have demonstrated how the simplicity of self care, self love is indeed true medicine. Self care is the foundation for health and well being and a necessary first step to ‘U-turn’ from illness and disease. Thank you very much for sharing your story.
You have spoken out what so many people hide and try to manage through life.
This has touched me very much when you said : I became aware that all my life I have been hyper-sensitive and that I had used my mind to find solutions and go through life blindly ignoring and dishonouring my feelings.
Finding solutions from the mind is the trick we sell ourselves with. This solutions are coming with a very dark condition, giving yourself up to a poisoning control over your total life. This is a great sharing, thanks Luz.
Luz – great to read this again and your complete turn around on a very serious illness. Once could almost say it is a mental illness. You raise a great point here of exposing just how much the mind can control our whole body. I too experienced this and let my mind rule every single thing I was doing – thinking that was normal.
And I too made my body sick as a result.
To let go of that and see the mind as part of the body, working with the body, has changed my whole perspective on health and self care for the better. I really love how you have taken responsibility for how you now choose to live, and are no longer a victim to thoughts.
What I am struck by Luz is the moment when you chose to go deeper and take responsibility for what you had created. This is a very inspirational, as many find it too exposing to consider that our lack of self acceptance lies at the root of many eating disorders. Thank you for sharing so honesty how you addressed and truly healed your issues.
Thank you Luz for sharing the cause and effect of bulemia and the spiral of self-loathing that accompanies this issue. it is clear that your healing started when you accepted that you had a problem and needed support and went to the GP and then had support from others. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine invites us to look underneath at the cause of our behaviours and in this understanding we can choose to make changes to the way we live. Learning to live in honour and respect of our innate beauty and loveliness and letting go of our real and imagined hurts brings true healing.
Luz, this is an amazing article. I read it a second time and though I had no bulemia, as a child I overate regulary to not feel what happened around me. The way you approched and the honesty you had with facing where the illness came from is so inspiring. So many elements in your blog can be derived on many other life stories. The way out with taking care of sleeping, food, stopping with alcohol, smoking and partying late is for everyone a good choice. Taking responsibility for you and your life.
Hi Luz, Thank you for your open sharing. Though may be most of us did not have to deal with bulemia and laxatives, probably all but for sure a lot of us have experience with acceptance and letting to. Our digestive system shows us very sensitively where we are at and if we do not want to look at what it reflects we tend to manipulate it, even with overeating or not eating at all. I need to re-read your blog as there is so much in it to get aware of, even if not having to deal with bulemia, which is the extremest form of not accepting and letting go.
When we accept the exquisiteness of who we truly are, letting go of ‘who we are not’ becomes a simple task. Thus the key is to know who we truly are and by virtue of this, we will know exactly who we are not.
It is amazing how much interaction with ourselves we can live, how many games against oneself we can play, how much lost we can get, and how easy it is to revert this picture by realising what we are doing and why.
I agree Eduardo, there is living proof that we can turn our lives around without perfection if we we are willing to honestly look what we have chosen and why. Important enough that we don’t go into blaming ourselves, just understanding why we chose some things and realising that taking responsibility for ourselves is a very joyful and much easier way to be.
Very empowering what you write Katinka and all the others, it is in our hands what we choose – our choices determine our destiny, there is no reason to blame anybody or myself. Taking responsibility for everything is the key.
Wow Luz, what a comprehensive and detailed analysis of how you have come back to yourself and no longer depend on bulimic behaviours. Much of what you have shared has resonances in my own life, but with a different flavour. Thank you for sharing your lived wisdom.
I keep coming back to this great blog, thank you for sharing so openly how Universal Medicine supported you to kick the dependence on laxatives and your bulimia once and for all. Your insights and wisdom are inspiring.
There are Some very wise words that Liz expresses about Serge Benhayon. And it is that what Serge presents inspires people to find and build their own connection with themselves… Specifically not to become dependent upon anyone else, and even to let go of old dependencies. This must be, and is indeed, the foundation for a religion of truth for humanity, one that opens up and bridges each individual depth to their own inner truth, within which they find their own deep and abiding connection with God.
Dear Chris
I love what you share here, ‘Specifically not to become dependent upon anyone else, and even to let go of old dependencies.’ The letting go of old dependencies has certainly been a most supportive process for me. This is not just dependencies on other people, but on behaviours and patterns that I lived and have since discovered were in no way supportive of my body or of living the essence of who I am.
Hi Luz, I just re-read your blog, I love your straight forward account of bulimia. I too would calorie count in my teenage years, I kept a diary for a year on every single piece of food I ate…very obsessional.. this was before I went into full blown bulimia. What I now recognise is that I could not accept the jealousy that was being directed towards me because of how beautifully light and loving I was so thought that if I became bulimic then the jealousy would stop. Bulimia is such a huge issue with women of all ages blogs like yours and Aimee’s (Before & After Universal Medicine – My Bulimia Story: from Self-Worth Issues to Self-Love) need to be shared with the wider community.
There is great strength in presenting something “Shameful and ungraceful” as you have claimed it to be Luz. There is also great wisdom in understanding bulimia the way you have. It is interesting that when you were ready to go to honesty, you came across Universal Medicine. I can relate to that.
Thank you Luz, I get the sense that many people can relate to issues with food. We may not all go as far as you have, but we all use food as a way to stimulate, numb, excite, relieve etc. Your blog is a great contribution to the discussion on this important topic.
Powerful post Luz, and your words here got me to stop, see and feel the depth of ‘acceptance’ related to our digestion, and how Gabriele has noted in her above comment here, that judgment and criticism are only ways of upholding the comfort of status quo, and I’d add to this list nervous tension or anxiousness …… ways to not be accepting of, not moving forth, even denying the light we are (from)…..and in knowing this, the level of responsibility that is required as a result. Hmm. Bang on. Your words so valid: “An understanding that ‘acceptance’ is a very good friend of ‘taking responsibility’”, that non acceptance, even constipation, is related to resisting taking responsibility to respond to what’s needed, the next level. Nailed. Thank you Luz.
Thank you Sofia for reiterating Luz’s sentence. “An understanding that ‘acceptance’ is a very good friend of ‘taking responsibility’”, that non acceptance, even constipation, is related to resisting taking responsibility to respond to what’s needed, the next level. I don’t very often get constipated any more, but when I do this simple sharing by yourself and Luz will support me in understanding what is going on for me.
Luz, this is such an amazing blog in the depth and wisdom you bring in how you are able to really dig deep into why you did the things you did. There is so much in your writings that I need to digest what you have said before I can comment further. Thank you for your powerful insights.
When you say, “… I prefer to criticise and judge myself, feel helpless, and then punish myself. I want to avoid dealing with my choices, I don’t want to digest and LEARN from them, I want a short cut”, it had a big impact on me; it reminded me of how uncomfortably comfortable self criticism and self judgment are and how we just keep turning around in circles when we live like that. And the other thing is that nothing ever truly changes when we don’t take responsibility for our choices. A very powerful contribution, thank you.
‘how uncomfortably comfortable self criticism and self judgment are’, great comment Gabriele. We can use self attacks as a way to stay small, stay wrong, stay locked in a downward spiral, just like we can use food to do the same thing. Not being who we truly are.
You communicate something significant here “I became aware that all my life I have been hyper-sensitive and that I had used my mind to find solutions and go through life blindly ignoring and dishonouring my feelings.” It is incredible how much our minds do sabotage us, if we allow them to. Finding ways of reconnecting with myself and learning to honour how I feel has been incredible, like coming home…we are all so sensitive and yet many of us constantly attempt to override it, in the hope of protection.
Luz, you shed so much light and understanding on this topic that I can feel will greatly support so many other woman with similar conditions. When we can accept where we are at, this allows us to surrender and remain open for the learnings and guidance and grace that is always there to help us understand ourselves and our choices which creates a new foundation of Truth, which leads to self acceptance, self love and evolving, as we let go of our old ways (habits) of living that were not supporting.
Dear Luz, thank you for writing such an honest and thorough account of your experience. It was healing for me to simply read it. I found it so interesting when you spoke about the constant reaction you were living in to the world around you and I can completely relate to the delicate and sensitivity of yourself that you were seeking to protect.
I love coming back to this blog as it reveals so much about the deception of thinking that there could be an answer to our conditions without going deeper and finding the root cause; when you say
“I now know it’s because I do not want to take responsibility for the way I am living, and for the quality of life I am living. Rather, I prefer to criticise and judge myself, feel helpless, and then punish myself”,
it makes a lot of sense. It can seem easier to go into self-judgment and criticism rather than just nominate the behaviour, take responsibility for the choice made and move on from there.
I read this blog for the 2nd time and again learn so much from your sharing Luz. This is a blog I will continue to return to as there is such a clarity form which you have observed, experienced and can share with us with much detail. I learn more about me when you share about you. Thank you.
I agree, I love that we have the opportunity to learn so much about ourselves through the expression of another.
I too agree with what you say here Marcia, that we learn so much about ourselves through the sharing of another. There is so much in Luz’s article that resonates with me , that I too will be rereading it.
In sharing your experience Luz I see a correlation to my own life, just different story and different ways to deal with my hurts. We all have tactics and coping mechanisms to not deal with our own personal issues and not have our hidden secrets exposed. When you look at it this way it’s such a game we all enter into when in actual fact we are all suffering in silence. The more we are open and honest the more we expose the suppression and shame, only then are we able get to the root cause and true healing is possible.
I agree Merrilee as we expose our hidden secrets this will support other women to open up and share theirs, enabling them to let go of the shame and judgement which keeps all of us trapped in our destructive behaviours and patterns.
This is a great sharing Luz. I have recently been reviewing my life long relationship with food and it has been an interesting study. Ranging from making sure I ate all my first course as a child to ensure I got dessert to stuffing myself whenever I felt tension as an adult. Nominating and taking responsibility has supported me greatly in seeing the whole journey that food has to take after the taste has gone from my mouth and also to be aware of the effects that some foods have. This is an ongoing and ever refining process but great to observe and super loving to take action with.
Luz your article helps understand why people become bulimic and why many need to take laxatives. It feels like it is not so much about the food they are eating but using food as a punishment for the lack of self love towards themselves. I could relate to so much of what you have written, the only bit that is different is I didn’t quite go as far as being bulimic or taking laxatives, but I could definitely feel a stubbornness of not wanting to shine and be all that I am and how this can lead to things like bulimia.
I feel supported and inspire by this great blog, thank you Luz .
Thank you for this honest sharing of your story with bulimia and laxatives. I can relate to the fact that will power is an unnatural force that hardens the body and most importantly of all, it only lasts as long as it lasts and then the emptiness underneath is as strong and prevalent as ever.
Luz, such a power-full piece of writing, what you share is inspirational for many people dealing with any sort of unwanted behaviours. What Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine presents supports us to let go of behaviours that hold us back from being our true selves.
I find it miraculous how profound and comparatively fast healing and change take place around Serge Benhayon.
Me too Felix. Serge Benhayon is inspirational offering thousands and thousands of people another way. By his livingness he inspires and I too have never met anyone like him who lives his talk.
Luz I struggled all my life with constipation. My involvement with Universal Medicine made me look at my life choices, the drama I held on to, the resentment that was perpetually holding me back. Appreciating myself, letting go of comparison, not using my body as an armour has greatly improved my health. Thank you for sharing Luz.
It seems so easy to stay distracted with the behaviour like taking laxatives because it offers relief, but as you describe Luz and Patricia true healing can occur when we look at the emotions and undealt with hurts as well as the physical symptoms.
Luz I am so glad I revisited this blog. I skimmed over it the first time and could feel the temptation to skip parts this time but I stuck with it and made myself read each word. I was amazed at what was revealed.
I have never used laxatives or made myself throw up after eating but this blog rang so true for me it was startling. I am also “…A girl protected with a very individualistic, punishing mind, obsessed with perfection and the struggle to be recognised and accepted”. This day of being did not manifest in bulimia or laxative dependance for me but it has been incredibly painful and debilitating all the same. I wonder at the toll my punishing mind is taking on my own body.
I loved reading about the way you turned your life around Luz, it’s very inspiring and it confirms I am also on the right track.
Luz, you have left no stone or ‘stool’ unturned here and it feels summed up to me in your opening comments which include..’they are old ways that I can easily fall into if I get tempted to give up and let go of the commitment to my ‘truthful’ self.’ The truth is pure and I get all blocked up and tied up in knots when I stray from the truth. This I did not know until I met the truth through the teachings of Serge Benhayon. You clearly illustrate how becoming more honest and truthful was vital as do the amazing comments. You have changed the world with this expression of truth.
Wow, there is a lot in this blog that is so relatable and hugley inspiring. That commitment to just holding onto those feelings that you felt to be true regardless of the self-criticism, judgements, playing small and being a victim and what has come from that commitment is amazing. Reading this blog just shows how it is possible to change our lives and to not see the body as something that is a failure to ourselves but our best friend. Thank you for sharing your story Luz.
WOW I was gripped to your story Luz, I could relate to so much – thank you for this amazing encounter of your life thus far – this blog I feel I can re-read many times and still get more from it. A great inspiration.
Luz, you turn bulimia on its head in this post by bringing so much honesty, understanding and love to what was underlying the behaviours – which is all they are. After the first few paragraphs I had pretty much forgotten you were writing about bulimia as your story is full of a psychology familiar to so many women- whether or not the bulimic behaviours are enacted. I love the way you break down your insights and revelations. You mention so many things that tie together from reacting, accepting what you feel and letting reactions go, building a connection to your body and bringing conscious presence into your daily life – one could study them for years.
I also tried many of the things you did Luz before Universal Medicine offered me something that not only made sense but when applied to my life it worked – for the long term. So what an apt description you give for where my search and foray into every New Age offering and self-help books landed me – with a whole lot off ‘disorganised realisations’. So much so it now seems a crime to have given time and importance to these ‘disorganised realisations’ as none of them ever made a true or long lasting difference to how I felt and how I was with others.
Your story is amazing and is such a testament to what is presented by Universal Medicine. You tried all those other modalities but the root cause did not shift until Universal Medicine. I loved your revelation that your behaviours were all about acceptance and letting go of all the reactions in life. Your sentence “All my life I had been living in denial, disregard and completely dishonouring my sensitivity”, could be applied to just abut anyone. We have all forgotten how sensitive we are and have tried to bury our fragility and vulnerability with food, our minds etc.
Every woman should read this, and every man for that matter. Such a true healing to read. I am blown away by the depth of your realisations and your ability to turn your life around from the grip of such a crippling disease.
This word crippling disease describes it very well. It is so easy to take laxatives, but in truth the symptoms are just suppressed and no responsibility is taken to work on the root issue.
Thank you, Luz, for your very honest, and powerful sharing. I didn’t know much about bulimia and your sharing has really helped me open my eyes and have an understanding. I knew someone who had some kind of eating disorder. She never spelt out what was going on, and I didn’t really ask her about it, but how self-consciousness she was about the weight and the fact that her forearms were covered with scars gave away there was something not right, and I felt powerless that I couldn’t offer her any true support. I now understand how a full healing is possible when the person is prepared to be very honest and deal with their issues, and the person is not the disorder itself either.
Wow such a powerful blog Luz, the honesty and vulnerability with which you write is so beautiful to feel. Never having experienced bulimia, it brought such a new awareness to me of the ideals and beliefs we can hold that can take us down such rough and difficult roads. What was inspiring to feel was that no matter what, you never gave up on coming back to and healing you. Committing to ourselves is so powerful, while it can be a sometimes challenging path, it is so worth it. Thank you for sharing your journey, it was deeply moving.
“I found out that underneath the hardness I was living with in my body, there was a lot of nervousness and anxiety that I never wanted to truly feel or accept” Luz I too had this underlying nervousness. It makes me realise how this is so very common in society and how people go to all sorts of lengths to not feel it or deal with it.
Well done for going there Luz!
Luz what really stood out to me when I read your articLe was how your amazing understanding of your behaviours has helped to dissolve the stranglehold that they had on your life. You feel so incredibley freed up.
Luz, I agree with you about this quote, “strong will is not really that ‘strong’, but rather an unnatural force, it wasn’t enough.” When we try to hold onto that false will, we go hard in our body, a clear giveaway that love is not present.
It is so amazing how much beauty, joy and harmony there is to be discovered, once we allow ourselves to lift the veil of what we are not and look at the magic that lies underneath, namely inside of us.
Beautiful Michael, it’s amazing what lengths we can go to in order to not feel that beauty. Once you feel it you wonder why you went to such lengths to not feel it. Crazy really.
Great account of how our digestive system stands for acceptance and letting go, knowledge that represents universal medicine for all and not just for bulimia and laxative abuse.
Indeed Gabriele, I never had bulimia and laxative abuse but I sure had digestive problems because of lack of acceptance and letting go.
Your experiences, your transformation, self-acceptance and healing offers each of us so much insight into the suffering of those with bulimia. I feel I have learnt so much by your courage to share your story. In deep appreciation to you Luz.
I think here you speak for many women who have had these thoughts at some point in their life at one time or another.
“It was a very sabotaging tool that I used to give myself a hard time, ruthlessly criticising myself in very unloving and depreciative ways about everything: my looks, my behaviours, my stagnation, my lack of talents, my weaknesses, and my inability to get all the attention I longed for” Thank you for being so honest Luz and starting the conversation, it is inspiring to see how getting real and taking a long true full look at ourselves is the best way to heal. Thank you again.
Thanks for sharing your story, which is /can be a great support for people who are dealing with this dis-ease. It is actually a story for a lot of us whether with bulemia or something else. You went into bulemia, I went into other ‘things’ to not feel the emptiness. My hide-out was my head/mind and creating a protection by building a hard and thick wall around me. Although I wasn’t a chain smoker, I did smoke for quite a while not able to truly stop completely, even when I wanted. When I deeply felt into it and I came across the belief ‘I am nobody, with smoking I become somebody’ it hit me (positively) hard: this was my way back to me.
This blog is a great support, Luz, not only for people with bulimia but for people like me who have occasional digestive troubles. It’s lovely to read of your transformation from rejecting yourself and reacting to the world to coming to ‘realise AND ACCEPT that I am worth it’.
Hi Simon, beautifully expressed. I connected to every word you said. It is amazing how in the past I would go through life ignorant of that alway present inner wellbeing and loving depth…we can just go in circles and in circles ignorant to this, once we start connecting to it, we have the greatest treasure to live life from. Thank you
This article expresses so much, and does ignite much of the joy and appreciation I have felt in my experience of learning with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. A great ongoing learning is how every single choice I make comes down to a choice of whether I have connected through my body to the feeling of wellbeing already there, naturally so within me; Or whether I make a choice to seek wellbeing outside of me, in some activity, role, piece of advice or company in life. When I choose the former, I am, like Luz, amazed how powerful is that choice, when I may be feeling all sorts of disturbances in my body, but can also feel a depth to me that is loving, from which those disturbances can be seen without reaction and let go of gently and consistently.
Wow,wow,wow. This is a deeply insightful read one that allows me to feel all of your choices and commitments to healing. Absolutely inspiring read.
Luz, your blog is offering humanity a true way to look at digestion and issues with digestion. Food and all that comes with it is a topic most people do not want to look at or only on the surface of it.
For me digestion issues have been there all my life not to the extent of Bulimia but in overeating or in eating to poor for my body and in eating food I know I cannot digest.
“I was a girl with an amazing sensitivity and tenderness in absolute rejection of herself and reaction to who she was and the environment she ‘happened’ to be in. A girl protected with a very individualistic, punishing mind, obsessed with perfection and the struggle to be recognised and accepted.” This made me stop and wonder if I truly accept myself. I feel it is a choice we can take every day and I learn to allow myself to be me by accepting and understanding where I am at.
And as you say with “An understanding that acceptance is a very good friend of taking responsibility”.
Luz thank you for your incredible honesty and for writing and sharing a deeply healing article. So beautiful the way you have chosen to accept and let go. I too have been incredibly hard on myself over the years but have to come to learn that love does not judge, that it will gently hold me where I’m at as long as I allow it to. Learning to fully embrace exactly where I’m at in my evolution has not been easy but the more I surrender the better I feel about myself. Love, acceptance and letting go of the what is not me is surely the way to be.
“I was a girl with an amazing sensitivity and tenderness in absolute rejection of herself and reaction to who she was and the environment she ‘happened’ to be in. A girl protected with a very individualistic, punishing mind, obsessed with perfection and the struggle to be recognised and accepted.”
You have written a biography of so many women with these words Luz. Men too.
Every word you wrote I nodded too with my whole body in full agreement.
I flirted with bulimia for only a short while, but there was so many other ways I found to abuse myself that could be perfectly fitted into this great blog.
Your clear understanding, and the precise way you have described your healing process is something that deserves to be widely shared. There are so many people who would benefit from its wisdom and true compassion.
Thank you.
I agree – it is so refreshing and liberating to know that we are not really our addictions and self-punishing behaviours, but that there is a part of us that is true and divine that we can all get back to, if we are willing.
Thank you Luz – this was an awesome blog to read – I could feel the depth of your expression and the enormous healing that has taken place as you learned to love yourself more truthfully, learning to more lovingly accept and let go – never giving up. I did not have the experience as yours in this life, however, ‘giving up’ from other platforms of ideals and belief systems of the past has been exoposed due to my developing awareness, like you have discovered that commitment to life, here, now is paramount and the fact that appreciation to Serge Benhayon and the presentations of Universal Medicine provided the loving direction to see that indeed there is another way.
Thank you dearly Luz, I loved re-reading this blog – it is full of wisdom and very inspiring. I can relate to so much of your article and this part resonated with me today “Above all, I was tenaciously holding onto the list of comforts I’d created to not take responsibility and to avoid dealing with my feelings and my choices. These comforts kept me less, comfortable, and in denial of my own Light, Love and Joy.” Absolutely brilliant exposure of comfort. I have found comfort = containment, it is there to restrict the expansion of our light.
Thank you Luz for this very honest and detailed deconstruction and reconstruction of your digestion of life. As you say, acceptance and honesty are hugely important for everyone to be full in their glory and in true health. Thanks for the reminder and for your clear example.
Thank you Luz for the clarity of insight you present. I sought out a relevant blog that would shine a light on anxiety and nervousness and the gems stated in this blog are indeed illuminating. During a healing session I too “experienced the natural stillness that exists underneath my anxiety” which now highlights how paralysing the state of anxiousness is and how it is related to my feeling of overwhelm, hardening, stubbornness, comfort seeking and the list can go on. I found the foundation of “allowing to feel everything, knowing that the inner self remains untouched/untainted” to connect to truth, acceptance and letting go is a timely blessing.
Dear Luz, I have come back to this blog and it has again stopped me in my tracks and I so appreciate your level of honesty and willingness to be your ‘truthful self’. What stuck me among many aspects of your sharing was your decision reflected in the words, “Enough was enough, I could not deny my light and my beauty any longer”. When I connect with this truth in me, it seems that the light has an opportunity to gently and lovingly show us where we have tortured ourselves unnecessarily by not being our true selves. Your sharing here is a true service and inspiration. Thank you, I will come back again to read this blog.
Luz what you have written is amazing – I unreservedly applaud you. I have known many people with Bulimia and feel you have so very accurately described them and what they have privately shared with me it is almost uncanny. I feel that you have written this from a place of deep love and service to support others who find themselves in the situation you were in. It would be great if you were able to share and link to your blog on other social media sites so more people could benefit from it. I know what a great healing it offers for those who are ready to make a different choice in their life and even if they are not ready, they would still receive a healing through the understanding that is offered here. For starters I will share it on my Facebook page right now!
I totally agree with what you’ve shared here Nicola. This article is incredibly healing and there are many that would benefit greatly from reading it.
There is so much in what you share here Luz thank you. When I allow myself to FEEL EVERYTHING, knowing that my inner self remains untouched/untainted, I can automatically connect to a truth within, and then go into accepting and letting go. It is our innate sensitivity that is so very precious and I can feel for me the way I have tried to protect this has set up complication in my body. But as you say, this inner part of ourselves can remain untouched, it is this part that requires the loving care and attention. The reaction is what sets up the creation of issues.
Thank you Luz, you mentioned that the initial source of inspiration was just travelling to listen to Serge Benhayon, And that you have not heard anyone speak like him. I have to agree. Having worked with sound healing for so many years, the most beautiful and exquisite sound healing I have ever experienced, has been simply listening to Serge. A most profound and beautiful experience, that also changed my life.
Yes thank you so much Luz, your level of honesty reflected in this article seems consistent with the dedication you have applied to addressing the underlying issues related to your bulimia and laxative dependence. You describe a whole different way of looking at eating and body image issues, that is the underlying triggers of lack of self-acceptance and letting go of reactions to life. You also point the way for truly healing to occur rather than just addressing symptoms of a health issues.
Thank you Luz. Your honest, detailed and moving story needs to be shared to all people who have experienced bulimia. It is a template showing the way out of the cycle and the mechanics behind what causes it in the first place. Such a valuable resource for everyone. Awesome!
It’s so true what you say about hardening to protect ourselves from getting hurt – but this actually stops us feeling the depth of love available as well! What I have learned about tenderness, delicateness and fragility through Universal Medicine and teachings of the Ageless Wisdom has allowed me more and more to feel that these are not weak, and allow myself to be naturally delicate and tender – without fear of being hurt. This has opened up so many relationships – including with myself, and I love exploring it. Thank you for your honest, insightful and aware account here Luz – there is definitely a lot to learn from your experience!
Thank you for sharng your story Luz. You certainly are not alone in what you have experienced, and those who haven’t suffered from bulimia or a laxative dependency would still be able to relate, as we all often choose a path of self destruction before seeing the light. You have further confirmed that re-connecting to ourselves is first possible and the only way to come back to who we truly are.
Luz, what a profound and distinct blog you wrote. The truth is very powerful, you did not back away from it and in your blog your not holding back at all. So the truth in your blog in all its simplicity and its clarity hits me in my heart and puts me on track.
Someone already commented you don’t leave a stone unturned, you choose to look much deeper than the illness and the behaviour and I am very grateful you take us with you on your journey.
Here in Holland the taboo on Bulimia and digestion might not be that big as you describe it to be in the UK. I recently saw there is even a television program about eating disorders. After reading your blog I realise that although it might be good that the subject is out in the open, but that the angle of approach is not very helpful for the participants. Apart from the element of sensation and/or comparison in television programs like that, the participants gain a lot of attention by being a victim.
I also have a troublesome relation to food, although not to the extend of Bulimia, but I recognize myself in the girl you describe; “a girl with an amazing sensitivity and tenderness in absolute rejection of herself and reaction to who she was and the environment she ‘happened’ to be in”. In your blog you provide me with a lot of handles to stay out of the comfort, the judgement and the rejection of me e .g. your clear description of strong will being an unnatural force and not to take the “short cut”.
A true marker for me is: “acceptance and letting go” and digestion being the physical metaphor for that process. So beautiful how you choose to accept that you are all that you are; love, joy and harmony. And off course I know the truth, we all do, but it is so supportive to read your blog that puts it so clearly in perspective. It is in your name, you shine your light!
Thank you Luz for the amazing clarity of your journey in your blog. Awesome!
I have come back to read this Luz and am simply awed by your story. There is so much to learn and take inspiration from. I guess what stands out for me is that dealing with our stuff is an ongoing process, untangling and revealing layers of life that is covering up the delicious, vulnerable, strong, harmonious true self underneath. And that dealing with the stuff is actually an enjoyable process, something you can have a lovely relationship with as the process unfolds and as you get to feel lighter freer. Thank you for sharing this with us all, it’s a true help.
In re-reading your beautiful in-depth sharing I feel confirmed and inspired again Luz.
“Bulimia and laxative dependence is an issue of ACCEPTANCE, and of LETTING GO of everything I react to.
Suddenly it all made sense, everything fell into place. It was so simple, yet so powerful.
All my life I had been living in denial, disregard and completely dishonouring my sensitivity.”
This is GOLD Luz and relates to all kind of digestive and food issues and in the end it all comes back to acceptance.
By coming now too, from the awareness that I am in truth a harmonious, still and joyful being of Love, I also came to the understanding of how powerful being honest and accepting where I am at in every given moment due to my choices, is. I then have the choice to move on from this, by either choosing to let go of what was not of Love and re-turning back to the harmony within or by confirming the glorious being I feel to be.
“The emptiness that was the foundation of my old ways of bulimia and laxative dependency has been replaced by a foundation of love, clarity and simplicity. It is a strong and beautiful foundation I am building on as I continue to allow more, to LET GO of what I am not, and ACCEPT how precious and glorious I am.”
I so can relate to this and your blog has been and continues to be a very inspiring source to ACCEPT more of my true Being and LET GO what I’m not. Thank you Luz
Luz thank you for sharing so openly and honestly your experience of bulimia and laxative dependence. It is very inspiring to read how you have been able to heal you and hence the conditions. What I’m also inspired by is the notion that any upset in the digestive process is a signal about more than just food, that it is a signal about how we are digesting life –
“On the contrary, if the ‘digestion’ is a trouble, then the process is being complicated: first by rejection and denial, with an unwillingness to accept or deal with situations or issues, leading to indecisiveness and/or confusion and dwelling on things so more stuff gets stuck and starts to accumulate, inviting in overwhelm and a holding onto the old with stubbornness, followed by the choice to then bury things deeper.”
You have inspired me to pay closer attention to how I am with food and life.
What an amazing account, Luz. I love how honestly you present – “I was living in a permanent reaction to life and I would do anything to protect myself and to not feel the unknown fears and the apprehension I felt about dealing with life and its practicalities. It was a simple but powerful revelation to become aware of this mechanism that I had created to walk through life”. It is great to feel how part of your healing was to re-connect to how super sensitive and tender you are, so as to honour and feel that rather than going from one reaction to the next. It is a great relief to come back into the body and surrender to that, so that the mind can no longer dominate and keep us on tenderhooks.
Thank you Luz for a very powerful and honest article , the journey of self realisation of choices and true healing is very inspirational. What a great sharing and help for the many who suffer from Bulimia and eating disorders.
WOW – Luz this is an incredibly powerful blog. Although I have not ever been Bulimic or used laxatives I can very much relate to the harmful relationships with food. How I also used food to suppress my feelings, knowingness and to avoid my fears of being honest about it all. And so you have offered for much insight, inspiration and wisdom through so openly sharing your journey with us. It is inspiring how you chose to continually go deeper to reveal the layers of separation that were keeping you from feeling your eternal love. This commitment to choose you again and again is deeply felt and offers great expansiveness. With this honesty I can feel your power, your true strength and your wisdom in knowing what is you and what is not – ‘I was a girl with an amazing sensitivity and tenderness in absolute rejection of herself and reaction to who she was and the environment she ‘happened’ to be in. A girl protected with a very individualistic, punishing mind, obsessed with perfection and the struggle to be recognised and accepted.’ Beautifully inspiring Luz thank you for inviting us to celebrate in the discovery of your gloriousness.
What a thorough explanation of digestion and what it means in energetic terms and such a beautiful development of your awareness about it. It helps me (as I have a digestive condition) to see my reactions as part of my digestion, or indigestion… And to pay closer attention to the emotional holding on when I have any digestive issue and not only look at what I eat…Thanks for such a study, your lived study in detail. Awesome exploration and awesome outcome of harmony.
Luz,
This quote is a pearl.
“strong will is not really that ‘strong’, but rather an unnatural force, it wasn’t enough.”
Can someone publish this in a quote book somewhere – I really love it!
Thank you.
Luz, what a gift this blog is. You have honoured yourself so deeply to get to the bottom (unintended pun!) of what Bulimia and using laxatives was for you. In ‘going there’ you have offered this opportunity to every other person who reads this magnificent sharing. Self-acceptance, commitment, self responsibility and on the self development goes… You have offered truth to me on another level and I am inspired by your courage to share it. Don’t dare underestimate the impact of your blog.
Wow, you write with such clarity. It was an absolute pleasure to read, your journey reflects so many aspects of mine and you put it in such clear and simple words.
The true healing that Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine are inspiring in so many people is just amazing.
Luz I could read this over and over again. Learning more and more each time. Thank you so much for sharing !
I agree Emily. This is such a power-packed blog written with such clarity, honesty and awareness. Thank you Luz.
Thank you Luz for this most powerful and inspiring piece of writing.
“I realised I have lived in REJECTION and JUDGEMENT of my own choices, avoiding the opportunity to truly see and to ACCEPT who I was and WHERE I WAS AT. Above all, I was tenaciously holding onto the list of comforts I’d created to not take responsibility and to avoid dealing with my feelings and my choices. These comforts kept me less, comfortable, and in denial of my own Light, Love and Joy.”
Well done on reclaiming yourself so beautifully.
Luz so important you have shared this for humanity thank you. So many people will be able to relate to this maybe not specifically with bulimia or laxative but some area in their life where they have been making abusive choices. You have shown us through your blog there is another way and t is never to late to start with loving choices.
Thank you Luz for your honest sharing, opening up to talk about this is super important. Most women recognise the critical ways of looking at ourselves, denying who we truly are, denying our sensitivity and reactions to the world we live in. Honesty and responsibility are important new pillars in my life too since attending Universal Medicine presentations. It took me a while to start taking responsibility and return to another way of living, of simplicity, responsibility and love.
Thank you Luz for sharing your experiences with Bulimia and laxative dependence and how you were able to look underneath to understand the cause of your issues. I love where you say “My foundation is now based on the knowing that we are all one and the same. I am not less, and not more than anyone else. I have just made different choices. That is all. I have come to realise AND ACCEPT that I am worth it, I am Love, I am Harmony and I am Joy.” This is an inspiration.
It really shows the power we have in making choices. We can either make choices to hurt ourselves, or to heal, nourish, nurture and love ourselves.
Wow, Luz, this is an awesome blog really bringing an understanding and appreciation towards our digestive system.
Thank you deeply for sharing.
Yes your blog does give a beautiful learning about our digestive system, so more people could access the wisdom our bodies hold.
This blog is a real treasure Luz and has covered just about everything in a real and accessible way, with such openness and honesty making it a must read for all. In my family of origin myself and my sisters all suffered from differing eating disorders (all okay to share our stories) and when I had my own children they also did in differing degrees. In fact my feeling is that most of us have a eating disorder in some way or another as we all need to “let go of what we not, and accept just how precious and glorious we are” so I feel it is essential to open this very important conversation so that the healing can begin. Thank you, Luz.
The depth and honesty here is inspiring – I”d like to read this blog again to take in everything that is on offer because it matters not that you have healed your food issues but you have healed your issues with yourself and this is something that relates to absolutely everyone and is a process I”d like to understand more in order to understand people and my own reactions.
All I can say is WOW. Thank you for such an honest, open blog. For a period of about 2 or 3 years in my early 20’s I took laxatives every day. I so relate to your feelings of self loathing, judgement and constantly looking around, reading and researching to try to find out what was wrong with me. Eventually I moved on from laxatives to intense over-exercising which continued into my early 30’s. Around this time, I began attending the presentations of Universal Medicine and started to build a loving relationship with myself. Over the last few years I have been able to move on from the intense exercise too. I still lean on food to comfort me and ‘protect me’- but reading your blog has inspired me to be more accepting of who I am, of my sensitivity – and take responsibility for my choices.
What struck me when reading this blog was how universal it is. Even though it is related to bulimia and the use of laxatives, the energy that was driving these behaviours feels very relatable to so many other conditions and habits. For me, I had all that has been described here by way of unhelpful thoughts, hardness, lack of acceptance etc and the condition that came from these behaviours was a severe anxiety disorder. It is amazing to feel how the undercurrent of the two conditions was the same and yet so differently expressed. I too have healed the anxiety disorder, also with the immense and unwavering support of Universal Medicine. It is amazing to feel Me again without all the interference that was brought by all that I had allowed to be when the anxiety disorder was present. There is a HUGE amount of insight offered here through this blog. Thank you Luz, this is so well written and delivered.
It’s a powerful thing… to take the step of looking at ‘how’ we are, and the choices we make in our lives, and how this may impact upon our health and our wellbeing. Quite often in this process – in ways that may play out subtly or in the extreme– we get to examine behaviours in which we sabotage ourselves… a process which is not necessarily easy by any means, for any of us to truly undertake.
Reading your story here Luz, I want to thank-you for your honesty, in describing your experiences with bulimia, including the abusive use of laxatives.
Issues such as this, which affect so very many women and men, remain largely hidden in our societies. How many people are suffering to such degrees, often ‘expert’ at hiding the fact, and yet, they are right under our noses? That you have had the courage to not only bring this topic into the open, but to look beyond the behaviours – to what was underlying them, and have clearly been able to do so deeply supported via your association with Universal Medicine, stands as a powerful testament to what can happen when we reconnect to the beauty that IS there within.
Even if we have striven so hard to keep our own inner beauty, the essential being that we are, buried and kept down, the knowing that we are ‘more’ than we may be choosing, that we are worth looking after, can be the light that steers us through the difficulties of facing what led us to so hurt ourselves.
To me, this is not just a story of bulimia, though share so much on the subject you do, but it is a story of the fight within us all to truly love and care for ourselves so much, that we are willing to heal the hurts that lay within, and thus willing to say, ‘this needn’t be my life, my experience, for ever more’. Your story shows us that the ability to heal, grow and change is within us all.
Thank-you Luz.
I recently heard a talk by some women who had the courage to get up and tell the audience about their own eating disorders. They shared that the most likely acutal statistics on bulimia and anorexia are 1 in 3 women – this was gobsmacking to hear! Since one of the speakers is the only women I know who’s said she has an eating disorder, that must mean that a lot of women I know have such a disorder and hide it very well! Which makes it difficult to imagine how to help someone – they must actually get to the point by themselves where they want help and open up about what’s happening for them. As you did, Luz, and lucky for us you did because now things can begin to change for many people suffering from food disorders. What you have outlined in detail is a treasure map for anyone, eating disorder or not!
Well said Dianne, it is totally staggering the amount of women that are in the grip of eating disorders – and men now too. I had hidden my own bulimia for many many years, and I found that secrecy very damaging to my self esteem and self confidence; I was constantly feeling bad about myself. Now I still need to observe that, not to make myself constantly wrong, but to accept, even when I slip up, that’s ok, but to be willing to keep going and know that I’m still amazing and loveable.
Thanks Esther for your comment. I find very relevant the last part, as to come out from bulimia or any other self-destructive behaviour, I feel one of the most challenging parts is to stop feeding the guiltiness and the self-loathing..it can be a very vicious and insiduous cycle, where the act is not only despictable, but we as well, no different from the behaviours…. Now that I am out of Bulimia and Laxative abuse, I can easily identify the pull to judge and feel down when my expressione are not great or as you say when I slip up in some way. I really love to have this awareness and on my way to never let this happen again. I now know who I really am.
I just love this “I now understand ‘digestion’ as a process of accepting whatever is there to accept, face and acknowledge; contemplating, feeling and pondering on it for a while and then making a decision that will support nourishment and the movement of the flow.”
No matter what the ‘issue’ digesting the matter can be truly met with this acceptance. Thank you Luz for a great reflection that I can understand applies to so many – Ha we are never alone thanks to the teachings of Unimed and the true acceptance of ourselves and the responsibility we can joyfully meet with ourselves – just getting all the ‘stuff that is not us’ out of the way!
Thank you Luz, beautiful and powerful story that is very inspiring. I also from the start would just love travelling to hear Serge Benhayon speak… I felt that I didn’t understand much at all at the start, but will just not feeling of being there. I was severely overweight when I started to attend Universal Medicine events, and what was extraordinary to me was that I never felt any judgement at all from Serge, I just felt loved. I was able in my own time, to start to feel and start to heal, and considering the epidemic of obesity through the Western world, surely this alone should be something that propels Universal Medicine into the world spotlight in a very positive way.
Yes Chris, what I have been able to learn and unfold around food by my involvement with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is totally evolutionary – the clarity that has unfolded for me, and keeps unfolding for me is blowing everything out of the water. When we start loving ourselves, seeing ourselves for who we are, food issues change and the refining process with food is deepening all the time.
Luz thank you so much, to simply read your blog was a healing in itself. I am inspired by what you have let go of and accepted in the last 4 years, your appreciation and ability to provide such insights into yourself is a revelation.
So true Marcia. It’s very inspiring to read and feel how deeply you Luz have dealt and healed your hurtfull past and how much understanding, accepatance and Love you now hold for yourself and others. Truely powerFull.
“Letting go,” I Love these words. something I am definitely going to take into my life and day.
I love this blog Luz and the simplicity and practicality that you write with, My body let our a big sigh in reading this “Allowing myself to deal with situations and issues at my own pace.” – as I can feel how much I have put pressure on myself at times to be a certain way, instead of simply honouring, accepting and allowing all that is there in my body and life to be felt and shared. It makes me smile a huge smile to feel life and all it offers us.
Thank you Gyl for expressing this. I certainly have and still do sometimes by having judged where I find myself to be, put an enormous pressure on me to be at a certain way or at a certain point in my unfoldment without giving, instead of just accepting where I am at, take myself deeper into the understanding of how it all came and then surrender to the Love at hand to walk forward in Joy with the knowing, that all will be healed step by step when connected and holding myself with this enormous Love.
This will be a blog that I return to read and re-read. Thank you for sharing your unfoldment and understanding with regards to acceptance and letting go.
What a great story Luz and what great insights into the difference between a feeling and a reaction and how they are completely different things and how we can go from one to the other so easily. It seems to me from what you are saying here is that the key to staying with what we are feeling in any given moment and not reacting is full acceptance in the moment and then letting go completely of that moment in preparation for the next moment and all that it brings.
It is always really great to read a journey of another student. Thank you Luz for writing this so honestly.
Thank you so much Luz for your very open written blog. It is very good to understand more about Bullemia and Laxtantia abuse because at my workplace there are some patient with this diagnose. With your amazing sharing I got a deeper insight about what is really going on and this is indeed very helpful for the patient and for me.
Liz – what an amazing and inspiring article – I love the detail with which you have talked about overcoming your mind and the negative influences over your body, and how you have turned it around so lovingly. Acceptance is such a key thing for us all – acceptance of what we see around us that is not of the love that we are from, and acceptance of the amazing love that we are – something I know I can certainly keep working on deeper and deeper on a daily basis. Thank you Liz.
Thank you Luz for sharing your experience back to your deeply loving connection with yourself. So much of what you have described is very relatable and the non-judgmental way you share makes this all the more reflective for a deeper connection to my own truth. Your last sentence is so gracious and accepting “It is a strong and beautiful foundation I am building on as I continue to allow more, to LET GO of what I am not, and ACCEPT how precious and glorious I am.”
This blog is like a handbook for understanding the relationship between the physical process of digestion, and our relationship to digesting life. This will be one for me to come back to and read many times – thankyou Luz for all the wisdom you’ve shared here. I can relate to the quote “….sustaining a non-stop mental analysis, and making me live in a permanent self-focus.” This is very much promoted by many schools of thought (including New Age) that approach life from the mental level, seeking solutions as if the mind is just something to be untangled, and that “Ah-ha” moments will solve life’s problems. What’s missing is the self love and the assessment of the true quality of how we live, and as you’ve so clearly shared, our relationship to life and to ourselves. There is so much gold in this blog Luz!
What an amazing journey to read about Luz…your story is very real and I am sure very relatable to many.
What always blows me away and gives me much appreciation is the deep level of healing and transformation that comes when we are able to accurately read and then nominate the root cause of our ills…for without this understanding we cannot get to any true healing. A deep level of honesty and commitment to truth is required to unfold this…and Universal Medicine has been a key inspiration in my life to stay true to me and to stay committed to evolving.
I agree Marika, it is not until we allow ourselves to fully understand the true cause of illness, disease, emotional problems, sleeping disorders, the list is endless. That we find that power from within ourselves to let go of the deep hurt that has caused the problem in our bodies or lives. Allowing true healing to take place and miracles to occur.
Thank you Luz for this amazing blog filled with so much wisdom.
Luz, your depth of honesty is so beautiful. Dwelling on reactions does make them so much bigger. The incredible thing is that reactions can be so automatic that we don’t realise that we’re reacting and accept how we emotionally respond to things as just the way we are. With the support of Universal Medicine I am beginning to accept the stillness I can feel underneath any anxiousness and it is great to know and feel that there is more to us than any emotional reactions.
What you have healed for yourself is truly wonderful Luz. So many of the causes of your bulimia and laxative addiction can be the same for many other emotional complaints and issues we have in the world. You are a leader in understanding how and why so many people are afflicted with this issue, your blog could be published its that good.
Super duper inspiring. I loved it.
This is a great blog. One thing I find interesting is that many people who come to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon have usually tried a large or very large number of other things – none of which worked. It seems that once you have an issue that medicine is not fully able to solve it becomes very difficult to find something that works. That seems really strange – shouldn’t most things work? It certainly is the case for things we buy in a shop – they usually work.
Very Enlightening read Luz. Feels like Bulimia is a huge battle with the body and what is needed to truly support it, and the mind. Huge turn around that is nothing short of inspiring. Thank you for sharing.
I can feel how strong and steady you are Luz in your writing here. What an amazing turnaround you have experienced and shown through your own commitment to yourself. It’s inspiring. We all to some degree have issues around food. I never thought I did but the more aware of me I’ve become, the more I’ve realised I do. The more I connect to me though, they fall by the way side as in connection there are no real issues. Your article is healing and insightful for us all. Thank you.
I meant to say in the comment above “I will need to read your blog again to fully absorb what you have said.”
Yes I agree Josephine, there is much to digest here.
I have just re-read what you have written Luz, and it has opened me up to a much deeper understanding of acceptance. ‘Digestion’ is about so much more than food… it is about the way we live. With increasing intensity in life, it’s no wonder that eating disorders are on the rise – we are simply not coping. Your article is gold Luz; and brings much needed awareness to a topic that has been hidden for too long.
Wow Luz, what an amazing blog and what dedication you have applied to healing the bullimia and laxative dependency. The insights you reveal around digestion and acceptance are profound and I will need to read your blog to fully absorb what you have said.
Thank you for sharing your story I have learnt so much and have more of an understanding of the vicious cycle of bulimia and the issues that lie behind. This is such a powerful piece of writing for an issue that is increasing.
Nichole I too have learnt so much about the sharing of bulimia and the issues that lie behind . this blog is very powerful and it is great that it is available for all to read. It is going to be a great support and inspiration for others that are going through the the same condition,
What an incredible story Luz: thank you for the openness and the honesty with which you have shared it with us. There will be so many in the world struggling to make sense of their digestive problems who will be so inspired by what you have written. I too have had many digestive challenges and the day I first attended a course with Serge Benhayon was the day many of them began to make sense, with the biggest learning of all being : “ I now understand ‘digestion’ as a process of accepting whatever is there to accept, face and acknowledge”. How amazing, and how healing it would be, if we were all taught this at a very early age, and that we are also responsible for the care and the nourishment of our own bodies.
Thank you for sharing – “inspires me to share my own experience with bulimia.”
It’s so great you are now able to accept inspirations for yourself, the consequence is that now I can share your learned wisdom with some friends who are dealing with bulimia. Thank you.
Luz, I found this a very powerful and inspirational blog. What you worked through, where you have come from, where you are now and how you are evolving is a wonderful story of commitment and dedication to yourself and thus humanity. I was particularly inspired by your words;
“Working on acceptance and letting go… and getting to feel my reactions, is a work in progress, an ongoing process where layers and layers unfold. It is FUN and a beautiful process where I don’t ignorantly keep building upon self-loathing as I did before.” Thank you for your expression Luz.
Yes, it’s lovely to hear your/the process of acceptance and letting go is fun… I feel the joy of that.
Dear Luz, I too can relate to the ‘living hell’ that you describe in having an eating disorder. I used to have anorexia, and I know deeply what it is like to live in that isolated world – where everyone was kept out for fear of them finding out what you are doing to yourself. The mental, and physical torture of these illnesses is debilitating; and it is still kept in the dark. At least in some respects anorexia is out in the open; however, bulimia is even more insidious in that it is hidden, and someone can keep up an outer facade to a certain extent – so there is even more isolation. What you have shared here really sheds light on bulimia and opens up the space for us all to really start talking about what is going on.
The beauty of you understanding the real cause of this and then responsibly and lovingly choosing to heal from it is amazing and very inspiring.
I agree Kylie, it is Luz’s understanding that she has insight-fully shared with us that is truly inspiring.
Digestive problems have been around in my life for many, many years. Thank you Luz; there is so much in what you have written for me to take and reflect on.
Thank you for your courageous honesty Luz – a very important account to highlight what is really going on when we as human beings are making choices that are abusive to us, it being with food or any other distraction away form our true selves.
Luz, an absolute gem of a sharing. Your words here, I have also come to know that ‘digestion’ shows us how we relate with ourselves and with life in general, is something that I can definitely attest to, as there have been many times in the past and at times now, that my digestion has slowed and it is always related to what I am thinking or holding onto at that time. When I connect with what is there to understand and let go, the issue clears and my digestion goes back to normal.
Liz you have touched on so many issues that affect us all. I loved reading how you came to understand some of the issues but nothing changed until you started to feel your body and accept what you were feeling. Using our minds and food to not feel are a global epidemic. However it is not the food or our crazy thoughts that are the issue. It is not being with ourselves and accepting ourselves that is underneath all that. Thank you for sharing.
Well this is a powerful story… I reckon this should be in a woman’s magazine!!
Beautiful point Ariel, imagine how far the healing would reach to women (and families) who really need this..
Yes I agree totally, what a support this could be for women in their understanding of themselves and the issues surrounding bulimia. To know that it is absolutely possible to regain your health and wellbeing, as experienced by Luz would be I’m sure an amazing inspiration. This should definitely be out there for all to read!
Luz thank you so much for having the courage and honesty to openly share your experiences. A brilliant healing offered here, your story needs to be shown in all eating disorder clinics across the world.
“It is a strong and beautiful foundation I am building on as I continue to allow more, to LET GO of what I am not, and ACCEPT how precious and glorious I am.”
Luz reading your blog I kept feeling how much this would support people in similar situations all over the world. I could feel it’s healing powers and how the willingness to look at your choices allowed you to truly heal. Your honesty and courage to express so openly is not only a beautiful healing for yourself, but for all who have read this amazing blog.
Thank you Luz for choosing to be responsible and re-claiming your power and sensitivity. An awesome read, I can relate with what you share about constipation. I agree, acceptance and appreciation are two very important aspects of our healing.
This a beautiful honest article of how by being willing to delve deeply into how you had treated your body in the past and by being willing to accept and let go of your issue, to now making self loving choices and claiming your precious and glorious self.
What a great blog! Thank you sooo much for your willingness to express what has been and is going on for you: takes a lot of courage and an enormous amount of love, both of which you have in abundance! Wow! And, you offer an enormous amount of support for me in your blog. Thank you again.
Dear Luz,
I find it incredibly inspiring when people make such a strong commitment to themselves and totally turn around their life.
You make a strong point about our reactions and how these are harming to hold onto, justify or identify with. I can relate to what you have shared about reactions and the process layer upon layer of allowing the sensitivity to be aware of them and slowly, slowly healing the hurts behind them and bringing more understanding to yourself and or situations.
Thank you for your incredibly insightful and detailed blog and I am sure it will provide much healing for many people for many years to come.
Totally agree Rebecca – this blog will bring healing to many people for many years to come – Awesome Luz.
Thank you Luz for expressing so openly in your article, it was incredibly informative, powerfull and inspirational. Reading it has been a huge healing
Absolutely. Thank you Luz for sharing. The acceptance of the responsibility of our choices is profoundly healing.
Thank you for this very honest sharing Luz. What I really get from this blog is that easy fixes, like what the spiritual new age offers, do not work if you want to truly change big patterns of lifestyles. You have to be very willing to look at your choices and ideals and beliefs to be able to truly heal… as you shared Universal Medicine always presents the common sense way to deal with these issues and truly heal.
Luz, I know how hard it is to live with an eating disorder. It is huge to be sharing this. Thank you. You are so amazing for not giving up.
‘I have come to realise and accept that I am worth it, I am Love, I am Harmony and I am Joy’ and ‘I continue to allow more, to let go of what I am not, and accept how precious and glorious I am.’ These statements feel very strong and you are a true living inspiration for all people suffering from an eating disorder.
What an incredible, honest and illuminating article – thank you so much Luz.
I have a personal experience with bulimia and laxative abuse, it was frightening and distressing to see and you have offered me a greater understanding of what was really going on.
I feel that we all have our disorders, habits and behaviours to avoid feeling what is truly there to be felt and worked on.
Your commitment to yourself and your newly re-awakened awareness are truly inspiring. I do hope that you present this story to the doctors and specialists that supported you. It may be a foundation to support many, many others.
That’s a great point Rob…we all do have disorders, habits and patterns as a strategy to not feel…some more severe than others. So we may not have something as severe as ‘bulimia’ or ‘anorexia’, but I feel we can all do with a some loving doses of acceptance that will support our digestion of life. This is something I am constantly working on.
I agree Marika and Rob – What I loved about Luz’s sharing was the very simple and clear understanding she imparted to all of us in how to accept and let go of these disorders, habits and patterns we use.
So Awesome, such an in depth, detailed look into your healing unfoldment. I can relate to all of it without having bulimia or a problem with laxatives; my eating disorder has been one of overeating to numb, hide and not fully accept what I am feeling around me. Committing to the truth and beauty of who I am, accepting where I am at constantly, along with continually deepening the nurturing of me are key components of my healing too. Thank you.
Luz, I absolutely loved this and no coincidence I clicked on it today. I do not have bulimia but could relate to so much of what you have written. It is an article of inspiration for life really, not just bulimia. Thank you.
A long and worthwhile read. You share much of the depth of self-honesty we need to go to to truly heal.
Luz, I love what you have shared here.. I so love your honesty and how you share your experience for others to be inspired. The paragraph below is the message I will take to sleep with me tonight.
“A willingness to feel everything around me and practising not going hard when I sense something coming towards me. I now know that becoming hard does not protect me at all, it actually hurts me more. I don’t need to use force or hardness to reject, react or protect. When I allow myself to FEEL EVERYTHING, knowing that my inner self remains untouched/untainted, I automatically connect to a truth within, and then go into accepting and letting go… without interfering or judging.”
Thank you.
I love this paragraph too Rosie…for most of my life I have hardened my body against life’s harshness in an effort to protect. I too have discovered how much this has hurt me & thus others and kept the sweetness of me hidden away…
Hi Luz, it struck me particularly with you mentioning how in the past you had wanted to omit dairy in your diet, but everything you liked had dairy in it and was offered at social gatherings and parties etc, therefore, abstaining a certain food without understanding the true cause does not truly work, and neither are we supported in the world to find the true cause of our problems or to discover our true selves.
There are a lot of great reminders in your blog for me to ponder on. Thank you.
It is really amazing the amount of people that have lived through or are living with bulimia and laxative abuse. I work as a Naturopath and it is all too common part of people’s health history. Yes this is the extreme side, but how many of us actually have dysfunctional eating that is not extreme but really very damaging as it is constantly undermines the wisdom of the body and what it is calling for.
That’s what I was thinking too Zoe…its amazing how easy it is for food to ‘take us out’ so to speak. We can use it to numb, to distract, to control, to comfort, to stimulate, to medicate, to punish, to reward, to abuse ourselves & the list could go on. Our relationship with food is huge & I can very much see how much my awareness and clarity in life is affected by what I consume.
What I have been learning and exploring in the last few years is looking at how food can nourish me and support my day…and I am finding that it is a constant fine tuning and adjusting according to how I feel. It is becoming more & more obvious to me how I can so easily use food to numb what I may be feeling, rather than just allowing myself to feel and accept what is there before me.
Thank you for this very personal sharing Luz. I found the part where you said,
“I know there is something that goes beyond the issue of not accepting or not wanting to feel something; I now know it’s because I do not want to take responsibility for the way I am living, and for the quality of life I am living. Rather, I prefer to criticise and judge myself, feel helpless, and then punish myself. I want to avoid dealing with my choices, I don’t want to digest and LEARN from them, I want a short cut. ”
particularly helpful.
I could feel in this blog so strongly Luz the sense of freedom when you named that this experience was all about letting go. Everything in the blog lets go too 🙂 Its important you chose to share your story in this way. Though the side effects are not pleasant, it is truly beautiful to me that our insides show us so clearly how we feel about life. It makes such simple sense. Its brilliant to see you returning to see, that you are so yummy.
Dear Luz, your words are so inspiring in that the honesty, truth and humbleness that you write in is clearly felt. Your blog starts out in such a way that the empty-ness and fear-full-ness is very much present. Then what slowly takes over is how your momentum keeps moving you, pulling you to seek a greater understanding of your illness and finally your quote at the end: “The emptiness that was the foundation of my old ways of bulimia and laxative dependency has been replaced by a foundation of love, clarity and simplicity. It is a strong and beautiful foundation I am building on as I continue to allow more, to LET GO of what I am not, and ACCEPT how precious and glorious I am.” I can feel your preciousness and gloriousness in every word and it is simply stunning. Thank you for going so deep and for sharing.
Really inspiring Liz, for you to have the courage to share your story and more importantly provide an opportunity for so many others to be inspired by your choices to feel your body, feel who you really are on the inside and make other choices from there. It never ceases to amaze me that our actions and choices are from what it is we don’t want to feel or accept about ourselves. Your story just really shows us that you can take responsibility and make loving changes that are indeed life changing. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you for what you have shared here, while I have not personally suffered from bulimia or laxative dependence, what you have offered about acceptance and letting go has certainly resonated with me and the ways and choices I use to avoid both.
What an inspiring blog….thank you for being so open with your sharing.
I honour your fortitude and steadfastness Luz, your commitment to finding a way through the layers to ” accepting the precious and glorious you ”
Your ‘foundation’ list is so full of wisdom, offering an inspiring and loving way to live.
Wow… I had seen a presentation that was delivered by the Student body of Universal Medicine a while ago on bulimia and anorexia and was totally amazed at the lengths in which people go to to stay hidden, I loved the detail you brought to us about the disease and the emotional roller coaster that happens, it brings so much understanding into the equation
Thank you for your openness and honesty Luz, a very inspirational blog
This is an incredible blog for everyone, but in particular for those who are battling with similar symptoms but not getting to the root cause. I suffered greatly from anxiety in my younger years and I thought I would never get out of it, it seems so enormous that I really felt there was no end to the problem. Those blog shows there can be a way out, a way of healing if we choose it to be.
Luz you have taken us step by step through your healing – what a great inspiration of us all.
Thank you.
Thank you Luz for such a beautiful message of truth and so very deep. I too lived with comforts to avoid responsibilities as I struggled to be recognized and accepted, and to avoid dealing with my
feelings and choices as you say. But with simplicity and in honouring of my feelings, I am co-creating a new foundation of love as well, thanks to the inspiration of Serge Benhayon.
Luz, this is such an awesome sharing. I love the simplicity of your discovery:
‘Bulimia and laxative dependence is an issue
of ACCEPTANCE, and of LETTING GO
of everything I react to.’
Thank you Luz – this is a truly caring blog. Your love and willingness to share your story with others is so deeply healing and so needed. Bulimia is such a private disease, with so many suffering in silence, hiding their disease away like it is a shame. Not that I am comparing diseases but at least with others, you are provided with support and understanding, this one very few talk about and if they do no one really knows what to say, it is one of the least understood illnesses we have today. Thanks to you and Anna before you we have a greater depth of understanding of what really drives this debilitating disease. Thank you deeply for caring enough to share with the world, who knows how many people have benefited from your story, even it is just one that is enough, but I would be willing to say you have touched many many more.
Thank you, Luz. I too have found that acceptance of self and where I am at are absolutely key to any dysfunctional behaviour, and the teachings of Universal Medicine have been crucial, supportive and illuminating, and they are very very needed in a world that has no true answers.
Luz, your are a living miracle. Rereading your blog and this time ‘digesting’ much more of what you have shared is so inspiring for me as I have travelled a not so dissimilar path. I love how much we can learn and be inspired by another simply sharing their own living wisdom through experience – this is gold, and I feel the more we do this, the more we will support one another to heal and grow in our love.
What amazing bodies we have and how powerful our mind can be in overpowering our body. Thank you Luz for reminding me to connect first to my body. The body is truthful however the mind is deceitful.
I have noticed that writing and reading on this platform about what we all have to share is so powerful, already this deep level of opening and allowing us to go there is phenomenal and inspiring. Even I know that it is all about our connection to our bodies, I still decide to not feel and connect, but I do accept this journey of finding back in my own way and time. I cannot push or punish myself for not being there yet, the learning for me is to honour where I am with my awareness and build from there. Today I want to take this reminder as a little program with me; I want to be more deeper aware to feel when I am not connected with my body. Thank you all for being an ongoing inspiration.
Wow amazing blog Luz, so beautiful in your openness, honesty and clarity. Your journey is truly inspirational, it brings awareness and understanding to people who are not familiar with Bulimia and self harm. Your story will inspire people to be honest and make choices to allow healing and acceptance. Thank you.
What an awesome blog Luz. I feel your honest and clear expression may bring many people in similar situations to greater understanding to the issue and depth of digestion in general. It is wonderful that you have shared your journey and your healing so openly, thank you.
Beautifully said Karina for the more honest we are and the more we share our own healing journey, the easier it is for others to follow our lead.
Luz, this is such a ground shaking blog bringing a powerful light on Bulimia and laxative dependency. Your journey is told with great honesty and intelligence and has the potential to help so many. I too was an extremely sensitive girl and I could feel everything on many different levels. I chose to hide myself from people because it was too painful to let them see the real me. My re-connection to the ancient wisdom through the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine has allowed me to go from fear and anxiety to acceptance and letting go. It feels that so many people are affected by some eating disorder or another whether it is Bulimia, Anorexia, over-eating, under-eating or poisoning the body with unsupportive food or drinks that it is pandemic.
I agree with you Maryline, so many people have an issues with food and eating whether it is Bulimia, Anorexia, over-eating, under-eating or poisoning the body with unsupportive food or drinks that it is pandemic. The willingness to look what is underneath is key in actual changing it.
This is a great blog and offers much to anyone with or without Bulimia or laxative dependency. Re-reading this today I felt the power in this claim and how relevant this is in making the choice to commit to healing ourself…
“I then made the commitment to stay, to go deeper. I made a commitment not with Serge or Universal Medicine, but with myself. Enough was enough; I could not deny my light and my beauty any longer. This meant I went through a period of confrontation, resistance, criticism, comparison and helplessness, but I didn’t give up.” Inspiring words, thank you Luz.
And it shows again when the will is strong there for a change, the next step will be shown – it is about to step out of this comforting vicious cycle. So much power and light is underneath the contraction, when once got a taste of it, it is easy to keep evolving.
I loved coming back to your blog, Luz. It was like I was reading it for the first time. This time the lines that stood out for me were: “I realised I have lived in REJECTION and JUDGEMENT of my own choices, avoiding the opportunity to truly see and to ACCEPT who I was and WHERE I WAS AT.” and “I now understand ‘digestion’ as a process of accepting whatever is there to accept, face and acknowledge; contemplating, feeling and pondering on it for a while and then making a decision that will support nourishment and the movement of the flow.” Your experience with bulimia and healing of it offers so much insight for others.
Luz, yours is a beautiful story and a powerful read. I felt great familiarity in the part about the power play of your mind in driving your life and creating solutions. It is amazing how much we can convince ourselves we are not capable when we let the mind lead our thoughts. Honour our sensitivities and fully feel all there is there to feel is one of the strong messages I take away from reading this blog.
Whoa! This blog is huge. Luz you touch on so many great revelations about life here in this blog. You don’t have to have bulima or a laxative dependence to understand some of the issues you are dealing with here. For example how many of us can relate to the feeling on edge all the time and in a permanent state of fight or flight with the world? So many people live like this I reckon. How does sensitivity get twisted into fear? It was inspirational to read your story of coming back to the realisation that your sensitivity was actually a strength not a weakness.
I agree Andrew, this blog is epic and could have been many individual articles all relating to many people.
“Bulimia and laxative dependence is an issue of ACCEPTANCE, and of LETTING GO of everything I react to. Suddenly it all made sense, everything fell into place. It was so simple, yet so powerful.All my life I had been living in denial, disregard and completely dishonouring my sensitivity.”
Re-reading your powerfull Blog Luz has again revealed another aspect for me. I do not have Bulimia or Laxative dependency but I can go into overeating even at times bindge eating and have come to understand deeper how it’s often a reaction to what I’ve felt, a struggle to accept because of ideals I might hold or because I deny how sensitive I truly am, and that things might affect me more than I allow myself to feel. You offer a lot to take in, digest and let go of in order to heal and I certainly will come back to this blog to do so!
Wow Luz, what an open powerful sharing! I will re read this blog because you offer so much in this piece. Thank you for this inspiration and opening up on what is happening in the case of digestion issues.
Luz, I deeply appreciate the dedication you show us on your path of return to the true you and this all because of you reacting to life instead of accepting it. It is a great point you bring up that there is a lot of nervousness and anxiety that is actually running us in our unloving behaviours. Although I do not have bulimia or use laxatives, I can also feel my relation with my digestive system and that it is responding strongly on the level to which I am able to accept life. The more I accept life as it is presented to me, the less I react to it and consequently the nervousness and anxiety is decreasing, providing me the opportunity to make loving choices again.
Luz thank-you for sharing so honestly this fight with yourself.
There is something here for all of us to relate to regardless of whether we suffered with bulimia.
To truly digest and learn from our choices can indeed be a bitter pill, as you have shown us, try to take a short cut and the merry go round of irresponsibility continues.
Your choice to stay and go deeper, your choice to express here is a testament to your commitment to heal and return to what you know is true.
Luz it’s an amazing testament to yourself that through the support of Universal Medicine you were able to heal your dependence on laxatives. Recently I’ve heard more and more in the news about the issues of bulimia as well as being aware of this growing up in school. It was a taboo and not often talked about. I am sure it would be very supportive for anyone who is or has been affected by bulimia and/or laxative dependence to read your article as it appears there are very few treatment programs around the world that get to the core enabling a true healing to take place. Something you have shown is possible.
I can totally relate to this Luz “I would give in to all these temptations, then go into self-loathing and then I would start binge-eating”, self-loathing is super self-destructive in my experience
Your paragraph on ” if the indigestion is a trouble ” has been so enlightening.
I see my rejection, denial and unwillingness to accept and deal with issues at times. I then accumulate and bury ‘stuff’, through eating when I have had sufficient, avoiding the feelings I do not want to express and accept.
This is a great revelation for me Luz.
Amazing Luz. I have lost count how many times I have read your article. I go deeper each time and unfold another layer of what is not me.
Thank you for sharing your journey Luz. It sounds very painful, which is very symbolic of the pain that you carried around all those years and then let go by building your love. I can relate to trying to bury pain with even more pain, but it doesn’t work. Letting go is a huge part of the healing process and one that I am learning to do more and more.
Beautifully said Jinya. I have also felt it doesn’t work to bury the pain with even more pain. When pondering on this it does seem ridiculous!
Thank you Luz for sharing your experience, which I am sure will help many people with any eating disorder.
Holding on and not dealing with things has been the pattern of a life time for me, which I am only really now getting to understand and very slowly getting to the bottom of – both of which affect the digestion system.
Thank you for this offering Luz. Incredible to see how much stuff and hurt can be behind an a self-harming action. Whats beautiful to read is that you made these changes from you first, no one else. And that you felt supported to do so. Your new foundation of knowing we are all one and the same – is an amazing place to come from. It reminds me to not let the outside world come first. And a reminder of the strength that comes from being able to look at my own hurts.
Wow, thank you for sharing so honestly Luz. I can so relate to the part where you say that “my mind was my main focus, my strategy for survival, and I was proud.. However, the dark side of my mind wasn’t that great. It was a very sabotaging tool”, this is so true that you can use the mind as a ‘sabotaging tool’
Luz reading again your story from complexity to simplicity, to seeing that its about acceptance is very inspiring. Whilst I didn’t have bulimia or laxative dependence I always did have issues with my digestion. You lay out clearly what its all about something I am sure will be a great support to many others around the world.
Reading this blog is a HUGE healing in itself, I have read it twice now, and have such a greater understanding of myself from it. It’s written with such clarity, and I really appreciate all the details you have put in. Thank you Luz!
Hi Luz, what an incredibly powerful blog! Thank you for sharing with such honesty. You are indeed a very deeply inspiring woman!
This blog was extremely helpful for me Luz, and I’m sure countless others, in that it explained in many ways why I had various digestive issues in my life. I’ve noticed that the times that I accepted where I was at without the old pattern of self-judgement and perfectionism, my digestion is normal. It’s beautiful to see how you were so open to getting to the core issue of your bulimia and laxative addiction, as it would have been easy to stay on the surface of the issue once the physical problems subsided.
Dear Luz, I really love the depth of honestly and awareness that you have shared in this blog. This is not an uncommon issue as I know two friends and a family member who struggle with a similar situation. As beautifully expressed, it is about acceptance and letting go of everything we react to. Something that I continue to commit to, due to the support of Universal Medicine and its healing practitioners.
This is such a comprehensive and powerful piece of writing Luz, it is the third time I have read it and every time I get more understanding. I can relate so much to your process – the drama, the irresponsibility and then the learning to accept, not go hard to protect but to stay open and present being the true strength possible. It is an amazing article.
Luz this is the second time reading your blog and there is so much there to take on board, even if bulimia is not affecting our lives.
Digestion problems and constipation is something I can relate to, also from a very young age – I remember from the age of four having problems going to the toilet and being very distressed about it; so my mum used to sit me in the corner with my bottom in a bowl of warm water – I am not sure it helped but at the time it was comforting.
It was only a couple of years ago I accepted that I am very sensitive (as we all are) and my reactions to not accepting situations and hanging onto dramas has taken it’s toll on my body. Acceptance and appreciation is an on going process for me and with that helps the self negative thoughts easier to discard.
Thank you for addressing this issue and being totally honest about your experience and at the same time bringing understanding to digestion.
So many of us started out our lives that way, Julie, the pot of warm water in the corner and for me, a variety of laxatives. These were very addictive. There was one we called brimstone and treacle, but really it was a fine yellow powder that I think may have been sulphur mixed with a large amount of Golden Syrup. I loved it! It was what I thought yummy was at that time, so it felt better to have constipation and have the treat of the laxative, than feel what was causing the constipation. Back then, we were fed what was available, a diet of white bread, cereals, milk, cream and sugar, and the veggies were boiled to a soggy state. Salad was minimal and not very varied, and fruit rationed out except at raspberry and strawberry time when the garden produced it. No wonder the digestion became sluggish and set up a pattern of dependence on sugar and laxatives at a very early age. Our digestive systems were managed and caused a lot of anxiety for all if they didn’t perform as they should. It has also taken me years to re-educate myself about what food my body responds to, and still I am caught in the old perfectionist attitude, even though I know inside and have experienced on occasions, what is true for me. Luz, your article on bulimia rang lots of bells about how I choose to eat even now, and it seems that any eating disorder has a common root in childhood, so is relevant to all. And yes Julie, I love how you have been working with appreciation and acceptance, cutting those negative thoughts and changing the pattern.
I really appreciated this blog. It was a joy to read and share your experiences and shifts towards coming back to who you truly are. I really connected with this quote, “My foundation is now based on the knowing that we are all one and the same. I am not less, and not more than anyone else. I have just made different choices. That is all. I have come to realise AND ACCEPT that I am worth it, I am Love, I am Harmony and I am Joy.” I am learning to accept in truth where myself and others are at – and Yes our inner quality does not alter, we are all amazing and we can make a choice to connect with that inner quality.
Hi Luz, awesome blog!
Very inspiring for us all, as it really shows the power of reconnecting to our essence and making self loving choices to build strong foundations and bring the joy we should all naturally be in. Yes Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine helped me too to change the old ways of living, which were so unloving and destructive in many ways.
Hi Luz, thank you for sharing your story. When I first looked at it, I thought, this doesn’t apply to me, I’ve never had bulimia, but I read on and came across your words, ‘I had found shelter in my mind with such intensity that it was almost impossible to be aware of my body for more than a minute.’ And I felt such a resonance in me – your article enabled me to truly feel what a sensitive person I actually am and how, all my life I’ve dulled that sensitivity with food, thinking and activity. Thanks to the loving support of Serge Benhayon and all the Universal Medicine practitioners I am learning to pay more attention to my body and to appreciate my sensitivity. Every now and then I go into a frenzy of non-stop eating and then beat myself up for it instead of acknowledging that my body is telling me there is something important for me to feel. As I write this I can feel that somehow appreciation is the key to it all.
Respectfully and tenderly taking ourselves into our own hands and loving ourselves back to well-ness. What an inspiring blog, Luz, thank you.
Thank you Luz this blog is open and reveals your incredible honesty. Food and eating disorders are such a sensitive and hidden subject but you have written about your experience and changes in a way that we can all understand and appreciate and allowed a light to be shone for all to see.
Wow Luz, that was such an honest and inspiring blog. The changes you have gone through are incredible. This is exactly the sort of story that should be in the waiting room of every hospital or health centre throughout the world. Thank you for sharing.
Tim now that would be great – a magazine or booklet full of real life, honest stories when people are in hospital. I agree this could be very supportive and help people look at how they are with their illness/condition.
Luz, what an amazing and honest blog. I love the clarity that you have now reached. It feels very healing to then share your clarity here. What a gift for anyone with similar issues who stumbles across your blog.
I love the fact Luz that you are stepping forward on a new Foundation based on Love, Joy and Harmony. The beautiful way that you are claiming that you are glorious in your closing paragraph is awe-inspiring. To read how you have come from that place of self-loathing to acceptance, to letting go of the harming ways and no longer beating yourself up is a testament to what is possible when we receive true support AND we are willing to be deeply honest with ourselves.
I totally agree Shevon it is inspiring.
Luz thank you for the honesty, commitment and care in your article. You have covered so much. I appreciate the depth of explanation and insights you have provided for everyone both in your article and in your responses.
I agree Jane, the body is very sensitive to the world and how we treat it. It has taken me few decades to feel and accept this….how amazing it would be to grow up knowing the treasure that is our body and the wisdom that comes from it…..how much more wise and loving it would be to go through life in tune with the process you mentioned from my blog above! We would be walking in true rhythm, observing, taking time to feel, discern and chose, without the need to pretend we don’t care, we don’t get affected, or on the contrary reacting extremely to things, and surviving by attaching and holding onto things. Thank you for bringing this beautiful part of this article….it is a permanent work for me to allow myself to digest things gently!
Yes Monica, this is quite an important part: the difference between accepting our choices or reacting against them through self-judgement and self-criticism. We fall into these two almost automatically as it seems we don’t know any other way (maybe apart from cynicism or arrogance). The trap though, is that by being judgemental we are just captured in the mind, far away from truly feeling what is there to be felt and taking responsability. However it is true that chosing to feel the reality and consequences of our poor choices is not very nice, it can actually feel horrible, so instead we prefere to distract and somehow numb ourselves with hammering, negative thoughts. The question is: Are we willing to truly feel our choices and creations without going into self-judgement, cyncism or distractions? and through commitment to Love chose differently next time, or are we trapped in the cyce of self-criticism, strong will, more poor choices, more self-criticism, etc? If we dare to trust Love and commit to it, we slowly start connecting to a strengh and clarity within that become our best guides, back to clearing and taking responsability for those unloving choices…. It is thanks to Serge Benhayon that I finally understood this basic difference. It is a tricky one! Responsibility has nothing to do with misery, punishment or bashing ourselves up; it is about chosing to feel things for what they are and parallel to this commit to live lovingly at the best of our ability, and then face the past. It unfolds naturaly through self-awareness, self-acceptance and commitment to Love.
Thanks Monica for the time you have dedicated to feel all what has been exposed here and for making me go deeper.
I can totally recognise myself from these words too Luz and Susan, they could have been spoken from me. To think and feel that we hold all this emotion in pockets of our body. I am learning to feel where in my body I tend to hold certain emotions like stubbornness, self loathing and sadness… and how these affect my bodies natural movements and digestion etc. It has been interesting and helpful to feel the different layers.
Thank you Luz. I have had no experience of bulimia and laxative dependence but would like to express how beautiful to read such an honest and healing article from yourself. I can now relate to others with similar ways of coping with so much more understanding and insight. I feel it is so important to understand what is behind all illness and dependencies.
I agree Tricia. Luz has brought so much light and understanding to this illness that its ripples will be felt far and wide.
Wow what an amazing article. Reading this again I feel so strongly how you have, with your own perseverance, love for self and commitment to that love been able to turn your life around. I feel this would be such a supportive article to publish more widely. Thank you Luz.
What an in depth and factual piece. I can understand what you present here through your expression and I can only begin to appreciate the strength and courage you have within to turn this around for yourself. That you were supported unfailingly by Serge Benhayon where others give up or look on in sympathy shows the truth and love from him and Universal Medicine, and reflects the glory within you have begun to feel for yourself.
Dear Luz, I wrote the blog you referred to on healing Bulimia, and reading your article deeply inspired me. Since writing that blog, I had to get really honest about the fact that I did indeed heal the behaviour of bulimia, but the lack of acceptance (both of self and of life) which was at the core of this dis-ease within me was still at play. I have come to realise that acceptance is ever unfolding within us on many levels, and something we choose through surrender and openness. Healing Bulimia was the beginning of a deeper unfolding within myself. Thank you for your beautiful honesty and the incredible wisdom you shared from your experience with this illness. Your healing has further inspired my own. With love Anna
Beauty-full Anna that Luz’s blog further inspired your own healing when your blog first inspired Luz to write her blog!
Yes Natalie, how awesome that Luz and Anna are able to be so honest and true full of what was really going on. Their expression offers a deep healing for many.
Thank you Anna, I was amazed and touched at the courage you had in order to share your own experience with bulimia and how you well describe it as a “self-imposed prison and miserable illness”. It was a great inspiration and support for me to read your writing at that time in order for me to finally let it out and go. I agree with you, publishing something like this feels like the beginning of a “deeper unfolding within” ourselves, magical!. We become honest and clarity starts coming in, we express and share it, let it out, stop protecting, hiding, in other words we start dealing with things…and then…we naturally step up, and nothing is the same again. It is a true re-claiming of our power.
Since publishing this blog more clarity and layers of empowerment have been unfolding, and I feel to share how when I have felt a challenging moment coming my way or felt trapped in a duality within, I have been able to stop, identify and feel so clearly ‘the cloud, the fog’, (which simply means the misery, coldness, the hurt and the heaviness of the separation that still lurks somewhere around) and then feel it for what it is, look it in the face and feel it is not more powerful than who I am, who I am now. In other words the way I have tended to REACT to pretty much everything in life is beautifully, consistently and rhythmically changing. What a blessing!
I appreciate so much feeling all the love around and the communicating, sharing, expressing, confirming, expanding and nominating on the blogs and in comments. I have been inspired by all the people opening themselves to their love and their glory, it is such an amazing pull, so strong and powerful. Thank you Anna and thank you all.
I love what you say here Monica: “How being willing to see what is there and to feel it, changes everything”, by doing this we give ourselves the possibility “to detach” and stop the reaction and the ‘crazy’ mind! Great.
Hi again Luz
I love reading this article, I get something else from it each time. Thank you.
Luz, this is a profound, beautiful, touching and teaching article. There is so much here, that I will definitely be reading this again. Your journey is inspirational in the truest sense, and is heaven sent. Thank you.
Absolutely Shevon. The honesty of Luz’s article demonstrates that healing is possible. That there is another way. With deep honesty and acceptance these deep hurts can be healed. Such amazing support and inspiration offered.
Dear Luz, your writings are so deeply honest. What is amazing to read is that something that some people can live their whole lives hiding and not talking about, through the loving (and non-judgemental) support from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine Practitioners you have been able to set yourself free. Reading this will inspire so many people, showing them there is another way. I have so much more understanding of bulimia now after reading your blog. Thank you.
Thank you so much for your honesty in sharing your journey towards acceptance and responsibility for your choices. I can really relate to all the points you mention in your foundation but the last one is where I am at today ‘A new understanding of the word ‘digestion’. Surely a ‘good’ digestion has to do with the type of foods we eat, in what state of being we prepare and eat them, and also the level of love or disregard we live in.’ Having previously lived my life in so much nervous energy that food went straight through me I never had an issue with constipation until I started to work on my issues with the support of Universal Medicine practitioners and take responsibility for past choices and the level of disregard of my body. This has been huge for me and is an on-going and unfolding process which your inspiring article has helped me to gain a deeper understanding of. In heartfelt appreciation.
Luz this a blog I am going to read over and over again. There are sentences that are like a shining light illuminating in a way that as others have said, that you have expressed with such clarity, love, and light and your true beauty just shines out throughout reading it. Thank you.
Yes Vanessa, the absolute honesty in what Luz has shared cannot be argued with and offers a true support for all of us – whether or not we have experienced an eating disorder.
Such clarity and honesty is amazing to read, in so many ways this will support so many people.
Dear Luz, thank you so much for writing this article for us. I have experienced a very similar pattern of lack of acceptance of self and life, leading to numbing and abusive behaviour to avoid feeling my choices. The lack of willingness to take responsibility seems to be a bit of an epidemic nowadays, and we are very good at making it about every thing else, rather than bringing it back as you have so powerfully done, to us and our relationship to ourselves, life and to God. Thank you so much for sharing the details of how you have reclaimed yourself back to love.
I so agree Janet, there really is an epidemic nowadays or a lack of willingness to take responsibility for our choices. I know, I was one of them. I lacked acceptance of myself and therefore made choices on a daily basis that were not self honouring or loving. What Luz has described is so beautiful, a true account of how one can reclaim the love we are.
A truly invaluable article Luz! Only coming from the heart in pure truth and honesty could such an amazing article be written. Truly inspiring and the wisdom you have reached through this process is out of this world. I learnt so much from this read.
A beautiful story with an amazing ending. Thank you for sharing.
And we all know that the blessing of any ending brings the opportunity to start a new beginning.
I really appreciate what you have written here Luz, I had and still from time to time have digestive issues. Your commitment to yourself, opening up and being honest is lovely to feel and the claiming of your sensitivity touched me deeply.
Recently I saw a beautiful sensitive young girl at a party, staggering around drunk on alcohol. I was told she was always like this as she has bulimia. I felt a deep sadness in her, seeing how lost she was, pretending all was well in her life. Your article was inspiring, so honest and true. Thank you Luz for sharing your sensitivity and understanding through your experiences.
Luz I feel I will come back to this account again and again as I choose to let go of what I too have stubbornly held on to as to avoid feeling my previous choices. Thank you so much for your wisdom.
This is such an open and honest blog and deeply inspiring. It shows how by being willing to be open and really honest with ourselves we have the power to change unloving patterns and behaviours and be who we really are which in truth is so much easier than wrestling with who we are not. It is so lovely to know you can now fully appreciate your sensitivity, light, love and joy and all that you are. This is a huge subject that affects many people. Thank you for sharing.
Amazing Luz, what incredible changes you have made in your life in such a short space of time – you are a truly inspiring woman.
Luz thank you for writing in such detail with clarity and honesty of your healing journey, it is amazing to read as it lifts the lid on the ‘shameful’.
Hi Alison, so cool, thank you. The shameful! How shameful all of this can result…? Maybe a lot…. however it’s good to kick shame out as it serves none, it keeps us trapped in our ‘social apprehensions’ and encourages our ‘secretive moves’ in the world of appearances… Being able to talk openly but respectfully about any topic can offer true healing for all.
Thank you for an amazingly courageous and honest blog which expresses the personal devastation of life with an eating disorder. Truly inspiring though, is how you have turned it all around and have developed your own route back to you. Anyone with an eating disorder reading this will take away the wisdom you have shared and be able to benefit from applying your foundational approach that’s based on self-acceptance and responsibility for our choices.
Hello Cathy, thank you for feeling into it and understanding it all. Thank you.
Dear Luz, I find the strength and stillness in your writing a true blessing … deeply inspirational. This offers a huge healing for us all. And thank you also for responding to comments when you have felt to…. I love how this flows and the harmony that it brings.
What a great opportunity to say: Thank You Elaine for your presence and the support you naturally offered me when we were closer geographically. You probably might not be aware of how supportive your presence was during that time, and the clarity you bring as well.
Hi Luz, Your sharing has so much to offer, each paragraph, so very powerful.
I can feel the power in you choosing to accept and take responsibility for your choices. My own experience with Bulimia has also brought me to this same revelation, an owning of our own self created issues, in an avoidance of accepting the truth of who we are. I can also relate to the drama addiction – just another form of identification when we are not feeling enough in ourselves.
There is so much shared in this article for others to learn and be inspired by in there own healing. Your commitment and healing is super inspiring – thank you. With loving appreciation,
Anna
Hi Anna, great you have expressed it so simply “….when we don´t feel enough in ourselves….”. This is so true and has so many implications, as there is that other part in us that can feel very dissatisfied and humiliated with this… so then it needs to ‘create something’ to make up for this lack of self-worth, no matter if it implies suffering, complication, pain, etc. Choosing ‘to feel enough’ after ‘Not feeling enough’ is a life-journey as we are permanently tempted to base our worthiness according to how many reactions, acknowledgements and attention we get from others. Any rejection can throw us out of track from our mission to feel enough again! How complex and lost is our human psyche…..! However how healing is to nominate simply for what it is. Thank you Anna for the clarity, love, authority and simplicity that is felt in your words.
Yes, how important is it to build a strong foundation of love for ourselves to help with this pattern of not feeling enough. Then we do not have to look outside for this recognition etc., ‘Choosing ‘to feel enough’ after ‘Not feeling enough’ is a life-journey as we are permanently tempted to base our worthiness according to how many reactions, acknowledgements and attention we get from others.’ Yes, nominating is another great great tool to assist us in our return to love.
WOW! Thank you Luz for this honest and exposing writing. Although never having had bulimia or laxative dependence, there have certainly been food issues to numb my deep sensitivity which I am allowing myself to feel at last. A big exposure, brought up from reading your blog is realising just how much I have been living in reaction to life, for most of my life.
Since attending the Universal Medicine Presentations with Serge Benhayon and having sessions with their practitioners, I am now able to choose differently and remembering how to bring responsibility to my life through my choices, which is changing the old ‘victim’ way of being.
Your writing is so inspiring.
Hi Stephanie, thank you for expressing it so simply and clear. Great to see how by not understanding, accepting and honouring our sensitivity, we can easily fall into the victim role and in the worst cases, chose to withdrawn helplessly from life… This is huge. Thank you.
A truly beautiful and inspirational article, thank you for sharing. I can relate so much to your experience with using your mind and hardness to protect yourself from everything, and it has been a blessing to read your words. Thank you again.
Thank you Rebecca. When I feel the hardness I have used many times before to protect myself, I realised how hard I used to contract my tummy… can you imagine how much strain we put to our internal organs by going hard? Definitely not supporting the flow and their function. Thank you for highlighting the ‘hardness’ bit. I now see ‘protection’ as equal to holding onto and not letting go.
Wow Luz, this is an amazing article. The honesty you write with and the truth and insights expressed are very inspiring. Thank you so much, I love how you now have in your foundation… “A willingness to feel everything around me and practising not going hard”. I can feel how I have reacted to my deep sensitivity in the past and used hardness as a way to protect. You are so right… the hardness hurts and stops us from accepting what is there to simply be felt. I am gently allowing myself to have more awareness of when I use hardness in my day. I have found that if I appreciate when I allow myself to simply feel, accept and stay present and open that this supports me to continue making these choices and these supportive qualities can expand. Thank you Luz.
Beautiful, Bianca. Practising not going hard is a work in progress for me, as I can do it almost automatically sometimes, however not as I did 5, 6 or 7 years before. It is great as you say to just “simply feel, accept, stay present and open” (specially open)…. and it happens that when I consciously do this I also get to feel the pull towards reaction, but it loses its power as I realise how much effort and unnecessary fatigue I would need to go into…. Yes the supportive choices start to expand.
Wow Luz, thank you for sharing so openly and honestly your experience. As others have mentioned above, I too had a deeper understanding of what is behind our digestive issues and it was a healing for me to read your blog. I could relate to some parts of what you are sharing. And the wisdom and clarity you write from is astonishing and deeply inspiring. THANK YOU.
Hi Priscila. Thank you for your very loving comment. Some times I really feel how ‘disgestion’ is everything in this dimension!!
It would be great that more care and understanding could be giving to this topic in our daily human life.
Thank you for your amazing and honest account, and it is also truly inspirational. It showed me that we can always go deeper given truth-full inspiration and the right support and that true healing is indeed possible and happens only at this deeper level.
Thank you Gabriele. I did search for support so many times before, and managed to arrive to some helpful realisations, but the right support and the real clarity only arrived since 4 years ago, in 2008 when I met Serge Benhayon and after, all of his family, the practitioners and Universal Medicine students.
Thank you Luz for this amazing article, I’m sure every single person on the planet could relate to what you have written about in some way or other. Especially, about holding onto things and not letting them go, making them bigger than they need be. I will definitely be reading this article again.
Hi Julie. As my level of awareness have expanded immensely throughout this year, I have come to feel and witness the intensity of the momentum when choosing to hold onto our reactions to life, in many different measures for everybody off course…. The intensity of the spirit’s tantrums can be amazingly intense, but so devoid of true power! Love on the contrary is so easy and amazingly powerful. It’s our choice.
This is an amazing article Luz. So powerful and strong, expressed from a knowing that can only be felt when it is lived. I am so inspired by your healing choices and the insights you’ve shared with us. There are many parts I can relate to personally and will be reading your words again, offering myself the opportunity to truly feel all there is to be felt. The pattern and cycle I have been in with food for most of my life are exactly as you describe – using food to numb things I don’t want to feel, going into self-loathing for over-eating, burying this deeper with more food, becoming overwhelmed (ie. choosing not to take responsibility for my choices) and then a resolve and cleansing to clear it all out and start again. I have never gone to the point of vomiting or laxatives to purge myself, but have often felt this pattern to be in the same energy as bulimia. I love how you say “Working on acceptance and letting go… and getting to feel my reactions, is a work in progress, an ongoing process where layers and layers unfold. It is FUN and a beautiful process where I don’t ignorantly keep building upon self-loathing as I did before.” You express beautifully where I am at myself, but have also offered me (and everyone) the opportunity to go deeper to feel, let go of and heal so much more. Thank you.
Hi Lucy, awesome comment. You have nominated and summarised the vicious cycle it is and how we get trapped in it… Exactly those steps. It is such a great healing treasure being able to grasp it and have the clarity to see this through and reach its core. Thank you.
Such an honest account of your journey Luz. It’s really inspiring. I can relate to avoiding responsibility and creating complication in my life to distract myself from dealing with things that feel uncomfortable. Your article will touch many people, since the underlying issues are very similar for a lot of us.
Hi Debra. As you well put it “the things that feel uncomfortable”, how much we reject feeling uncomfortable both physical (which I can understand…) and emotional…. is huge!… There is also so much we can learn when we allow ourselves to feel that which is uncomfortable, knowing we are not it, and… without transfoming it into some sort of drama (a very life-force consuming mechanism).
Dear Luz, reading this blog is one of the most healing experiences that I have had. The way that you describe the self judgement and total self abuse that the mind does to us if we let it, is ringing a bell for me. Reminding me to make the real choice each day to self love and be in my body. My spirit has been particularly forceful and I have struggled with this for some time. To read your blog and feel through your words of wisdom the very real choice we all have to Accept our beautiful graceful honouring harmonious light is both inspirational, and for me particularly stilling. Thank you deeply.
Awesome Leigh. Thank you for mentioning the forcefulness, it rings the bell for me too! However it subsides slowly, it does, that´s what I been powerfully feeling these days…. the rays of the sun coming through, much more powerful than any forcefulness… It´s taking me time as well, but on our way.
A powerful blog, written with deep awareness and humility.
Hi precious Elizabeth. Thank you.
Thank you, Luz, the honesty of your writing is exquisite and presents endless opportunities for us to go deeper, revealing the next layer of complication that we put in the way of simply living the sweetness, glory and unity that we naturally are. Perfect.
Yes Matilda. The next layers of complications, I now ask myself why I needed to create so much pain and struggle? Was it really worth going through all this? Is that how much I craved identification? If so…. it was such an unwise thing to do, it went heavily out of control…. creating pain is not of our essence. So why create (put) all this effort just to have to come all the way back to “the sweetness, the glory and unity that we NATURALLY are”. I love how you put it.
I love it, Matilda, Luz and Monica. When you come back to the simplicity and see all the effort in complication, it’s so crazy, easier to keep it simple.
I completely agree, Matilda – the honesty is gorgeous and the presentation of going deeper is so inspiring. As you say: perfect. Thank you Luz.
This blog has definitely gone deeper and as a result had brought a deeper appreciation of what many words wide would feel and struggle with each day.
The joy in simplicity indeed!
I am wowed too by this article. It presents such clarity and depth to the understanding of digestion and its relationship to acceptance and letting go and the involvement of our reactions to life. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Jennifer, I love how you put it: … the involvement of our REACTIONS to life. If I feel into it now, it was a permanent avoidance to digest things, even if it is such a natural thing to do. I didn´t allow my body to do its thing… I never trusted its wisdom, and only until now I am starting to respect it.
I love this article. I can relate to this. I had bulimia in my teens. The trigger was I felt ignored. When I had a burst appendix because of the amount of vomiting I did, I stopped vomiting but I would be so rigid with my diet. I didn’t starve myself but the energy was the same. 4 years ago Universal Medicine gave me the understanding that I was ignoring myself. Roll on to present day and I LOVE FOOD. Thank you for sharing.
Hi QA. I have felt mortifyingly ignored by others many times in my life, however it was just a reflection of how I was ignoring myself by being so focused on the arrogance and longings of my mind. I love food as well. Thank you.
I have to say WOW also. Thank you Luz for your amazing honesty and incredible insight. It is bizarre how we use food to avoid feeling how and who we truly are. I can see how it gives us no joy but only creates sadness. It is very inspiring to read your account and know how you have dealt with your issues. By understanding your digestion and fully claiming your Self you have broken a pattern that many struggle with.
Thank you Fiona. I like that you brought up the word ISSUES. It was so cool to learn and feel how our issues and our bowels are deeply related. When I learned this in one of Serge’s presentations, I was astounded and at the same time feeling how it all resonated with a deep knowing within. Learning that all digestive disorders are related with how we deal with our issues and how we have the option to energetically bury them deeper in our bowels so that we can keep them hidden. It was so powerful. I don’t want to bury anything deeper, I want it all out, that is why self-honesty is such a great tool for all…
What extraordinary honesty. Your blog has made me question whether I got to a point where my bulimia was seemingly behind me, and so did not truly heal what had caused the bulimia in the first place. A very big thank you Luz for showing me where I still have work to do.
Thank you Catherine for your honesty and I feel inspired further by your willingness to go deeper…More work for me to do as well.
Hi Luz, what a beautifully written account of your unfoldment back to yourself. I can massively relate to a lot of what you refer to – for me I have been taking acid reflux tablets for 13yrs. I am currently on a programme for acceptance of self, others and life… I will take much much inspiration from your heart felt blog here to help support me in my own return. Sincere thanks and a huge hug, what a lot you have chosen to overcome. I agree that hearing your truths from Universal Medicine practitioners really does enable you to hear it in a way that is the precursor for action – absolutely priceless!
Hi Rachel, I would love to be in the same program as you, enjoy it very much. I will bring these simple words with me every day: acceptance of self, others and life. So many have come back to my memory when you mentioned this… for example the great Level 4 I did twice in Somerset! Mmmm…
What a truly open and honest blog, Luz. Whilst I have never had bulimia I have suffered with constipation on and off throughout my life and have needed laxatives for support. Your words sums up my pattern exactly!
“…if the ‘digestion’ is a trouble, then the process is being complicated: first by rejection and denial, with an unwillingness to accept or deal with situations or issues, leading to indecisiveness and/or confusion and dwelling on things so more stuff gets stuck and starts to accumulate, inviting in overwhelm and a holding onto the old with stubbornness, followed by the choice to then bury things deeper.”
I am inspired to work further on acceptance and letting go… and getting to feel my reactions. Thanks for writing!
Hi Rachel, all these insights on digestion I learned from Serge Benhayon’s presentations. Really cool isn’t it? Laxatives can definitely support our body when they are needed. It was the energy that was behind me creating the dependency, the fear, and the need to protect my comforts without having to let them go, that was the real problem. The unwillingness to learn from my choices and the compulsion to get a short cut. That was the rot. Thank you for your reminding me about accepting and letting go of my reactions, and that we can do it together!
Hi Luz, Yes I have learned them from Serge Benhayon’s presentations too, but there is also a deeper resonance when another shares their story and experience. It’s like the light bulb moment gets more illuminated then the awareness builds further. Yes I have used laxatives as a support and not as a way of abusing, but my physical symptoms of constipation and the underlying energetic root cause is the same… a burying and not letting go all linked with acceptance. (Wonderful to share that I have moved through the latest bout of constipation and am off the laxatives… woo hoo!) I hear what you are saying though about your need to protect your comforts and the energy behind you using them, creating dependency and fear. That must have been really intense so it’s amazing that you have shared so openly about your experiences about bulimia.. And a wow that you have replied to every comment…You are amazing Luz and what a pleasure it is to be in communication with you!
Hi Rachel, yes it was very intense, painfully intense! However what I never expected was that opening myself to a more gentle way of being and learning to respond more “gentle” to everything would have such a powerful effect in my body and imy psyche…whereas before I would nearly use a “hammer” to make my body work! How crazy…..the body does respond beautifully to love, we just need to trust, be patient and then slowly we get to experience its power and healing becomes possible. I also love this blog by Susan Lee that you already might know: http://medicineandsergebenhayon.com/2013/07/15/letting-go-of-my-stubbornness-and-learning-to-love-my-colon/ So much is shared here about “stubborness” and the relationship it has with our bowels, really cool. It is a joy to feel we are ready to let “stubborness” go layer by layer, no rush but no procastination either….Thank you Rachel for your openness and aliveness.
Thankyou Luz. I,too, like Angela and Sarah, really related to the whole process of healing you’ve described so simply and powerfully. When you said, “When I allow myself to FEEL EVERYTHING, knowing that my innerself remains untouched/untainted…”, I realised why interference and judgement have been such issues for me. Just the way you configured that sentence delivered me into greater clarity and I feel true understanding about why acceptance and letting go are so crucial in healing. The parallels to digestion were also profound in the love and wisdom you present. With gratitude for your beauty-full honesty, Peta.
Hi Peta. I agree, they are absolutely crucial those two (accepting and letting go), we can get trapped for lifetimes if we don’t understand these simple two things…. In any case… the divinity we all have within is patiently waiting for us to realise it all, and see how contracted we’ve been living and how glorious we can be if we ‘let go’…. and ‘accept’ this divinity within. Thank you for your loving comment.
Thank you Luz for your commitment to writing this article. No, I haven’t experienced what would be defined as physical bulimia, I wonder if there is an ‘energetic’ bulimia, not accepting who we truly are and letting go of who we are not? The list of your new foundation is certainly very relevant.
Hi Kathie, good question… I guess there is an ‘energetic’ bulimia which I am aware of and I still deal with… However I don’t take it as far as to the abuse it was before. The ‘behaviours and expressions’ of all eating disorders are already too many steps away from us loving and accepting ourselves. The issue of non-acceptance and not letting go of our ills is something we all need to work with in different measures. Thank you for your comment.
I think I can confirm there definitely is an energetic bulimia that is driven by a non-acceptance of self, circumstances and a desire to not feel. That is because when i opened this blog I had an interesting reaction rise in me. I did not want to read it, I wanted to run and hide and not revisit how in my adolescence and early adulthood I had a ‘secret’ undiagnosed eating disorder involving binging and laxatives. Still today I will go for food for comfort when extremely uncomfortable things arise or will want to hide from the world even though I know better and do not follow these energetic patterns into activity.
It is thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I do not choose these reactions even though they may arise. What I can now do is feel them, bring understanding to what they are telling me about myself and my old non-serving patterns and then choose to respond in a more loving, compassionate and evolutionary kind a way. This is every bit as brilliant as it sounds and I am very grateful that I found Universal Medicine and aligned with the Way of the Livingness.
I love your blog Luz, thank you for exposing the energetic core of eating disorders, a whole new perspective around their causes and a way to overcome their massive hold over us who choose them. Your blog will help many.
Thank you Luz for sharing your experiences – such a powerful and truly healing read. The clarity you share with has helped me to see and feel where I use behaviours and judgements to also avoid taking responsibility and accepting my own choices. Thank you for the healing you’ve offered here.
Hi Heather, exactly…. I has taken me a while to feel and understand this…. and see how many times in the past I have ‘held onto’ these reactions. At the end that’s what judgements are…. reactions. Thank you.
It is great to pull apart our reasoning to reactions. To go deeper and bring an understanding that it too is judgement, is a great source in healing to us all.
I love this article and how the acceptance of ourselves or lack of it is the cause of the issues we create. I too with the help of Universal Medicine have found when the acceptance and appreciation is there, the issues disappear. Very inspiring, thank you Luz.
Hi Stephen. Two things brought my attention from your comment, the first one is how we can definitely create so many issues and difficult situations in our lives when we don’t accept where we are at…. I have come to feel that sometimes we do this because when we seemingly haven’t got the acceptance that we might crave from others… we base our opinion of ourselves on ideals, and our longing for recognition. We miss valuable opportunities each day to truly connect and honour ourselves by accepting where we are at. And the second thing, is how APPRECIATION plays an important role in the process of taking responsibility for our poor choices, without the need to fall into deep self-loathing. Appreciating of how far we have come and how we always move on.
I love what you have written in reply to Stephen about creating issues and difficult situations in our lives when we don’t accept where we are at. This is so true. Appreciation does play such an important role to support us as we make changes in our lives.
I loved your reply to Stephen, Luz, very inspiring.
An amazingly powerful true honest account of your life to share with everyone, thank you Luz I love it. Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon have opened the doors for the real issues behind all illness and disease to be able to be felt, honoured and healed. A revolution as a way forward for humanity with simplicity and love.
Thank you Tricia. Yes, I completely agree, that’s what Unimed and Serge Benhayon have been doing all these years. My ongoing healing journey woudn´t have had that impulse and amazing breakthrough without their support and inspiration.
There is so much here that is inspiring but most of all what struck me was the shift you made to arise from being a victim in life, through the acceptance of responsibility of your choices and the growing mastery of your living way in the world. Yours is a very power-full story of accepting and reclaiming yourself, your power, your sensitivity and the love that you are – awesome.
Sara, hearthfelt thank you for your comment. Yes, the victim! I know the victim, but it has never worked and has never felt right no matter how comfy it has felt as well!
WOW – this article is big and powerful in many ways Luz. Thank you for dealing with your issues and healing so profoundly to be able to express with such openness, honesty and LOVE. True In-spiration.
Thank you Sarah. It is a story of true healing thanks to Universal Medicine. Your expression is also very inspiring.
This blog is super amazing with its honesty and sharing. As Sarah said even though I haven’t chosen some of your old behaviours, it brings truth on parts of my life where I have avoided the underlying issues. Awesome thanks Luz.
Thank you Beauty-full Natalie.
Its true Natalie, what Luz is showing us is more than just how you deal with bulimia. The approach she has taken is applicable to any area of unrest or disease. It is so inspiring to read these stories and notice how different, yet the same we all are.
Dear Luz this is a powerful piece of writing that goes deep into the understanding of bulimia and digestive disorders and their complexities. There is so much in your piece to digest and take in. I have not gone to the extent of bulimia but I have been constipated most of my life, and I can relate to everything you have written, not being present with myself, going into the mind to fix things, to mull over, lack of acceptance, self loathing, and not letting go have all been part of my life. Thank you Luz for expressing so honestly.
Hi Alison, thank you for sharing how it has been for you. Constipation is definitely not nice, I used to dread it, and it scared me until the last corner of my being. However I now see it under a different light (not easy) but that’s where I am at the moment, not reacting to it so badly and dramatically. I have learned that it can be treated in many different ways, but the way to truly heal it is through our ongoing willingness to understand and work on the issues behind it (the stubbornness, the fixation, the holding onto, the insistence, the mulling over, the unwillingness to not let go, the rejection…..). It might not stop or change immediately but we are on the right path. It is a journey of self-understanding, not easy, but we choose it somehow…. Thank you for your always loving and lively support.
Luz, this is such a powerful article which leaves no stones unturned. As I was reading, although it is in regards to your experience of Bulimia and using laxatives, I could feel how so many aspects applied to my own life, and is relevant for so many people, but instead finding other ways to avoid feeling my sensitivity and choices. Your honesty and dedication to all the details is very inspiring. Thank you.
Hi June, heartfelt thank you for your comment. It is such a release and healing to understand that the only thing we need to do is to truly allow and feel our sensitivity, instead of pushing it away, fighting against it and hurting ourselves so much because of it. It is such a treasure we have of being able to feel so much around…. and learning to not compromise ourselves and our bodies in the process.
I am experiencing an intense period of constipation that eased for a while, but is now back with a vengeance. I find your words very supportive; ” Not reacting to it so badly and dramatically”. “It is such a release and healing to understand that the only thing we need to do is to truly allow and feel our sensitivity, instead of pushing it away.” and “but the way to truly heal it is through our ongoing willingness to understand and work on the issues behind it (the stubbornness, the fixation, the holding onto, the insistence, the mulling over, the unwillingness to not let go, the rejection…..). It might not stop or change immediately but we are on the right path.” There is much for me to feel and release!
That was also my feeling Julie as this story is not just about Bulimia it is about our relationship with ourselves. Because we all eat and have the choice everyday to choose what to eat we can all relate.
Thank you for sharing the lessons you have and are learning. Even though we may not all have had as ‘extreme’ behaviours – I feel everyone can learn from reading your blog – I certainly can! As you said it is often a un-spoken about subject but one many people are suffering from and one which needs to be brought more into the open.
Hi James, why it is so difficult to bring this sort of thing out into the open, considering that we really need to hear and talk about them…. we are so preoccupied by how we come across and what people might think of us. I can feel this in me as well, however, honesty and openness is such a refreshing, healing and beautiful thing to have, do and encourage. Thank you for your honesty and for everything that you have also shared James.
So true Luz. We so often walk around hiding behind a smoke screen and each of us enabling each other’s smoke screens by ignoring all the hurts that we can feel from each other. No one is immune to being hurt in life yet we all spend so much energy and time pretending that we are all ok and avoiding vulnerability. Honesty and true connection.
That is very true, it’s topics like this that we don’t speak about, that are the ones that really need to be spoken about the most. Thank you Luz for having the courage to be so open and honest.
Yes James, Luz and Meg, it is really great to get these topics out into the open. I had bulimia for a long time, and recall feeling deep shame about it. Almost the worst part about it was the fear that people would find out. If I had been able to talk about the bulimia then, I wonder if I would have been able to cling onto it for so long. If the topic had been one that was openly discussed would that in any way have debased my shame, and thus some of the hold that I allowed it to have on me?
Hi Catherine, since facilitating discussion groups on Bulimia women have shared that it makes a huge difference being able to talk openly about the subject and it reduces the shame no-end, thus lessening the hold it has on them.
“The emptiness that was the foundation of my old ways of bulimia and laxative dependency has been replaced by a foundation of love, clarity and simplicity. It is a strong and beautiful foundation I am building on as I continue to allow more, to LET GO of what I am not, and ACCEPT how precious and glorious I am.”
This is an awesome statement of fact Luz. Thank you so much for sharing in so much honesty the truth of your experience and the path of your healing.
Thank you Beverly for your comment. I thought I would never share it, but it has brought so much healing to have done it. It has been a great release, I don´t own it and I don´t need to feel so identified with it anymore.
Hi Luz, Awesome blog. I’m so glad you did share it. It has put a lot into words that I have been feeling but unable to grasp completely and I am sure more will unfold with each re-read. Thank you.
That is beauty-full Luz, the fact it does not own you anymore and that you are not identified by it anymore is fantastic. I really feel your writings should be found in every eating disorders clinic across the world.
Thats so awesome that you managed to get to a place where you felt able, to not only share your experience but to detach from it and no longer feel identified by it. That is truly beautiful and a testament to your commitment to healing.
Reading Luz’s beautiful blog I wonder if Bulimia is a way for a committed, organised, resourceful person to channel all their abilities into something destructive as if somebody found a way to turn our ability against ourselves
Can you imagine a disorganised bulimic? Everybody would immediately know.
Wow again…”I don’t need to feel so identified with it anymore…” How freeing is that statement – well done! . On re-reading your blog I realise so much of what you write is/was applicable to be me but the behaviour was different. I have not had bulimia nor laxative dependence but the underlying issues I have had but I played it out differently. Thank you for sharing with us your story.
You don’t own it and it no longer owns you Luz…you can feel it in the openness of your writing, and the lack of emotional charge.
This is a gift to any person who has suffered from this condition. The way you have expressed it cuts any shame or connotations that it is something to be hidden.
You have also provided such a d depth of insight for anyone who wants to start the path of healing and restoring themselves back to the truth they are.
Beautifully said Rachel Mascord: this blog is a true gift to anybody wanting to look at healing any behaviour that is ‘owning’ them – as it may appear to anyway. It is beautiful to be able to read this writing by Luz because of the lack of emotional charge, the depth and clarity and no stone has been left unturned!
I agree Beverley this is an awesome statement, and brought home to me the false foundations I have built my life on based on all the ideals and beliefs of how I want life to be, and slowly recognising these are not me and are actually hampering who the real me is. Letting go and accepting are the key words in changing how I feel about myself and I thank you Luz for your sharing and honesty and by writing about your bulimia and laxative dependancy.
I agree Beverly, that realization that all those choices are only made to fill an emptiness that is so easily replaced by what is within.
Dear Luz. The honesty and depth of insight that you have expressed is healing for all. We have all made choices in whatever guise to numb and not feel the hurts we carry. Your choice to go deeper and learn to love and accept all that you are is hugely inspiring. Thank you.
Thank you for your comment Anne. I totally can relate to what you say about making choices to not feel the deep hurts that we carry from this life, our childhood and other lives. How clueless we have been when knowing how to deal with our hurts. No one wants to talk about hurts, that´s seemingly too emotional, but by not acknowledging them, the opposite has happened, by burying and numbing they just come out later out of control…
A great description of a deeper meaning of digestion – “I now understand ‘digestion’ as a process of accepting whatever is there to accept, face and acknowledge; contemplating, feeling and pondering on it for a while and then making a decision that will support nourishment and the movement of the flow.”
Totally agree with you here Luz and Anne-Marie, society makes it easy for us to avoid our issues and to bury them deeper. It is fantastic how you have committed to taking responsibility and getting to the root of the issue.
So true Luz. We are taught to buckle down and get on with life. But what is not dealt with never goes away until we feel, connect, heal and let go. Your experience of healing bulimia is an extroadinary example of this. Universally inspiring.
It’s true Anne, that we have all made similar choices and even if they are not perhaps so extreme, it’s the same energy that’s running us. In some ways it’s worse when it’s not so extreme because we can’t see it so clearly and it’s perhaps easier to get away with it. I am so grateful for being able to put into practice the teachings of Universal Medicine which have helped me and many others to be more aware of what drives us to make such unloving choices.
Absolutely Amazing Luz. Like Angela I can very much relate. Even though I did not experience bulimia, I have had issues with food and behind it all I too am becoming to be aware of the criticism, judgement and self-loathing behind it and the absolute need for acceptance of who I am, and developing the ability to let things go, with the support from Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon.
Hi Shevon, yes, I am now aware of the big trap that criticism, judgement and self-loathing are, they can be mechanisms to make up for our poor choices, they have nothing to do with understanding, assessing, contemplating, nominating, digesting, etc… Me too, my ability to let things go more quickly has improved, but there is soooo much more, more and more….
I know for myself I have become a lot more aware of the criticism, judgement and self loathing that i would direct towards myself. It was so engrained that it took me a while to see it for what it was. With the support from Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and my own choices, that inner critic has been replaced with my natural loving self that i continue to deepen.
An inspirational read Luz. You show that when we are prepared to honestly nominate what we are doing and the choices we make, then we can start to make changes and realise that we can let go of the self-destructive way we live. We can choose to live with love and harmony in our body.
Hi Mary, I agree. Before I didn´t even know the word: NOMINATE. Such a powerful word. It is amazing how my life has changed since I started nominating ´stuff´. At the beginning I went into stories and dramas, ´nominating´ is quite different, is more simple and natural, to the point. It feels sometimes is not very easy to nominate… that is what Serge Benhayon and all the practitioners support us doing, so we can connect to our ability to nominate things.
And to me the word NOMINATE goes hand in hand with the word RESPONSIBILITY. In my experience, bringing our choices back to self -in preference to trying to look outside of ourselves – is what keeps this process much more simple and much more powerful in making true and long lasting changes in our lives.
Luz I agree the word nominating has been a great support in my life, before I met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I did not know what that word truly meant. Having an understanding of it now, I have been able to be honest and nominate things that have been causing me harm in my body.
Nominating what is really going on brings such an level of honesty and is the first step in healing, the next step is taking responsibility to choose differently so we do not repeat the pattern.
A timely reminder, thank you Mary. I realise how I have been very critical of myself, time to stop, there is another way.
I completely agree Mary.
I agree Mary, honestly nominating what we are doing and the choices we make is the road to the real change of self-destructive patterns. A great cycle to commit to breaking and I have found that choosing to live with love is a true support.
A great point you make here – I’ve certainly found the only way to understand why I made some of the choices I did was to really look much deeper and be honest about them. Certainly food was and is still a big area for that and why I can crave something that is not nourishing. But rather than ignoring it as a ‘one off’ – I find it much more supportive to nominate it and ask myself why.
Very inspirational indeed Mary
Thank you Luz for your honesty and wisdom
We are love and therefore it stands that which we take into our body and being that is not of our true essence will have to work its way back out again via various physical processes that are wholly dedicated to clearing such foreign bodies. Thus our illnesses and diseases are merely a sign of our body trying to re-establish the harmony it knows so well for it was divinely designed to express the love that we are. Abuse has no place in a body of love. Luz is showing us how to reclaim our bodies as the Heavenly vehicles of expression they so naturally are.
Yes that is true Liane, our bodies know well how to clear what is not love and how to bring the body back into harmony.
Your honesty and willingness to share is totally inspiring. Thank you Luz, bulimia and the taking of laxatives is huge in society. Your truth and commitment to taking responsibility to this is awesome. I have no doubt your blog will help numerous people understand underlying issues around these conditions, whether for themselves or people they know.
Yes Samantha, I agree it is huge, but is quite shameful. We don´t want to talk openly about what we consider dirty (the constipation, the purge, the digestion) we feel uncomfortable talking about these things, it should be more natural. Thank you for your comment.
Luz this is very cool that you are opening this up for a discussion, letting the truth be heard is very important and as you say it should be more natural.
I agree. It takes a lot of courage.
It does take a lot of courage, but it’s great as it will inspire others in the same situation to feel open to speak up and so it feels more natural rather than something to be ashamed about.
Liz this is great that you have talked about your experience, it will allow others to do the same. It is an illness and until people talk about it it’s hard to get your head around it. So well done for sharing, as this blog will help many.
I agree Amita – sharing grows awareness and this honest blog has the ability to offer much insight and healing. Thanks Luz
Yes Luz it should be more natural, most of society’s problems are because they are pushed away hidden and not brought up to discuss and talk about. Your sharing opens up the conversation and offers much healing for those feeling trapped in the shame cycle
That is so very true Samantha. Shame and regret can hold us back for such a long time, if we don’t recognise it is just another trick for us to not accept the fullness of who we are.
Yes, Luz, there is so much in this blog, but definitely I can feel how important it is to accept ourselves, for where ever we are at. That is a great starting point for starting to love ourselves more and more. And from there we then treat ourselves more lovingly, and with appreciation.
I agree Monica and in how Luz has shared from this honesty – it takes away any ounce of shame and replaces it with a joy, love and appreciation of you letting us in Luz and the steps you have chosen to let this go.
Although many people might feel ashamed to talk about a ‘dirty’ subject, this subject and area of our body holds so much for us to learn about ourselves and life generally and Luz what you have shared with us is a huge starter in understanding more about how we’ve come to ‘stomach’ life, what we’ve come to accept as us and letting go many untruths. It’s not dirty, just our body attempting to clean itself from the inside.
Yes it is so powerful and very inspiring Mary, and I can so relate to wanting a magic wand to make it all better rather than taking responsibility for my choices.
I totally agree Tamara, the “magic wand” takes many forms but always back fires, leaving us disheartened and looking for another quick fix to take it’s place – each quick fix being a further step away from self responsibility.
I agree Samantha, so much honesty and so much for us all to take away. Even though I personally haven’t been bulemic or taken laxatives, I can so relate to a lot of other things Luz shared. The obsessiveness, the lack of self worth, the dishonouring of oneself. That is very very familiar to me and something that I am aware of even today. I may not have the underlying issues there anymore, but I still have to make daily choices that assist in fostering my connection to myself. Allowing myself the grace to not be perfect and continue to express how I feel, to the best of my ability.
Awesome Raegan I love how you say you now allow yourself grace to not be perfect and continue to express how you feel to the best of your ability. Self acceptance really is key if we want to heal the lack of self worth and self hatred that so many of us in society carry in our bodies.
Dear Luz, Wow, what an amazingly inspirational blog – both in your willingness to be truly honest about your bulimia and dependence on laxatives, and in your commitment to really look at what was behind these behaviours. Even though I have not experienced or used these specific behaviours, I realised in fact that I was no different to you in the sense that I too “was living in a permanent reaction to life” and when you expressed “I realised I have lived in REJECTION and JUDGEMENT of my own choices, avoiding the opportunity to truly see and to ACCEPT who I was and WHERE I WAS AT. Above all, I was tenaciously holding onto the list of comforts I’d created to not take responsibility and to avoid dealing with my feelings and my choices. These comforts kept me less, comfortable, and in denial of my own Light, Love and Joy”, this was exactly where I was at also prior to my involvement with Universal Medicine…. My behaviours may have been different than yours and perhaps not as extreme, but the result was the same – living in judgement, lack of self-worth, and not wanting to take responsibility for my choices… in summary I was in resistance to myself and life, and like you, also ended up being very hard with myself and those around me with very little awareness of, or connection to caring for my body. I loved what you have shared about acceptance and letting go and building a foundation of “love, clarity and simplicity” – and how this begins with self-care, self-love and honesty. Like you, I am forever grateful for the support and teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine who have allowed us all the opportunity to know that we ‘are’ all the same, and that this is a foundation that each of has to opportunity to build if and when we so choose. Thank you again for being so open in sharing your story, and providing the reflection for what is possible for each one of us when we connect back to our bodies and back to love.
Thank you for your very honest and beautiful comment and yes I exactly relate with what you mentioned about resistance to myself and life, it was exactly that. I appreciate soooo much to have encountered Universal Medicine and the integrity and love that surround it all, and from which I feel so inspired by each day.
I too really appreciate that I have been so infinitely inspired by Universal Medicine and appreciate that every one has such an amazing innate wisdom that comes from love and truth that is evidenced by your very powerful writing here and in other pieces. We are all the ones!
Thank you Luz and Vanessa for sharing the impact of appreciation. Every small moment of appreciation starts to open us up to the big picture and into relationship with life and all the opportunities on offer.
Malitda is so correct that it just takes the small amount of appreciation to create that opening. Very simple.
So true Maltida, appreciation cuts through anything that is not love and brings us back to it.
I totally agree Angela, although I also haven’t used the same behaviours as you Luz, I have used others to keep me in my own judgment and comparison, rather than feeling the pull to love my self. I totally connect to what you say about living in reaction to life. Thank you for sharing with such honesty.
Wow… what a power-full piece of writing. Thank you so much for your incredible insight, honesty and clarity and for sharing your story. I was moved to tears, it was such a healing for me. Especially the line… I want to avoid dealing with my choices….. I felt that deeply that when I overeat, I am actually avoiding dealing with my.. MY… my choices. I knew that in my head, but your article helped feel that in my body. Thank you.
Thank you Sarah for your comment. Yes, accepting and dealing with my choices is something I didn´t want to do, firstly because I had ideals of how I should be and what was the ´good´thing to chose, and secondly because I didn´t want to truly be responsible for them, instead I chose to distract myself by falling into harsh judgement and self-loathing.
Dear Luz, wow, I just re-read your blog and again you moved me to tears. What a healing blog this is. Your blog made me want to cry and it also made me want to dance. You are to be celebrated for your courage to truly look at what is going on and to heal yourself so simply & deeply. Much love to you, Sarah.
I can relate to what you say, Sarah, this is an amazingly truthful and beautiful blog. Luz has shown so much courage in her journey and it is an honour to have her story shared with us.
So many young women live with this issue now, the pressures on them from society to look a certain way etc. are so strong. It is so great that Luz has shared her story with us all.
Sarah, this is a beautiful expression of appreciation and love for Luz
I also have been deeply moved by her story and equally feel the love and appreciation
Heartfelt thanks to you and Luz.
Hi Luz, this is a very open and honest sharing that sheds light on a subject that is often not discussed openly . I too was bulimic and used it as a distraction to not take responsibility for my life.
Yes Mary-Louise it can be quite empowering to realise that we create XX (issue, illness, drama etc..) as to not truly feel what is going on and to then take responsibility for it. I know there is great freedom in this but I also struggle with it as well. But re-reading this blog today as reconnected me to that power of doing this and the great love that can come forth for both yourself and everyone around us when we do.
Yes the sharing is so needed in this day and age . We just have to turn on any screen to see a constant bombardment of images selling how to be. A miracle piece of writing.
Yes Sarah, Luz’s blog is a healing session (or many) in itself, powerful to read and reflects the absolute power Luz is from all she has come to understand and now shared with us all. Thank you Luz.
Absolutely Elizabeth, that is the beauty of sharing our experiences – it provides such incredible support and inspiration for others.
I totally agree Elizabeth. It takes great strength, courage and love to openly share as Luz has done. The healing that this provides for all is very profound.
I can completely relate Sarah
Me too Sarah, and those choices can be about anything, not just food, but any choice that doesn’t honour the glorious beings we are.