Recently I realised in my home place, how much we had let our courtyard down – honestly said, it was in a mess. The floor was full of moss, grass and leaves, the outside furniture reflected themselves from scruffy to rotten, and bushes as well as weeds looked like taking over control.
I was looking at this reflection in my life and realised how much my husband and I had withdrawn from here… We did let down the service AND the joy of using the courtyard.
I remembered myself having thoughts like “Outside there are too many insects that disturb me” and “I need someone to clear this mess, but who?” or “I am too busy and have no time for this.” I could see how these thoughts did support a choice I have made: the choice to withdraw from life.
How did that come about?
A few years ago my husband and I were challenged by a group experience where we were left feeling hurt. We recovered and were back on track (we thought) and did go on. It all looked like we had settled back and overcome this experience… yes, it looked like we learned out of it. And in a way we did – and in another way we did not heal the situation completely and so did hold onto a hurt.
This little hurt did hide quite well between our everyday living challenges and caused a maintenance of protection which was in fact called to deal with. But hidden as it was, we did not deal with it. So, hidden it stayed and we went on…
Two years later my partner and I found ourselves in situations where we were not loving with each other, not supporting ourselves in a way that was necessary, and finally after a few drama contributions, we asked a relationship-counselling couple for help. They offered us the reading of that there is still something going on from this group experience, a hurt left over so to speak, and with that the trying to protect ourselves that is now what continues to stand between us both.
We were surprised, but by engaging in this opportunity and then dealing with it we were able to see the shields we did hold for ourselves in protection.
These shields made us unable to connect deeper and build on an intimate level. We did hold each other at a distance, so to not get hurt again, but because we as humans are made to develop, we felt the missing growth and so here we are.
Well, that journey is worth an extra article but here I’d like to talk about how this choice, to hold onto a hurt (and hide it), had a large influence on our relationship, on our way of living and therefore on our surroundings. And our surroundings did reflect our way of being.
Now, by dealing with these hurts and therefore letting down the shields again, I saw things more clearly and the thoughts about my courtyard did change. I wanted to sit outside again; I wanted it to be a beautiful place and decided that I am the one who will make it. I claimed back my courtyard and what it stands for.
So firstly I made the decision that we need new furniture. I wanted something that I can easily handle, light and beautiful furniture. So my partner and I made an appointment with each other, looked for some new furniture and ordered that together.
Then I felt to clear the ground for this lovely new stuff and cleaned the floor, step by step. I thought, it will be easy and quick with cleaning up here but the mud that came up was more than expected (he he – good analogy again) and I needed more than triple of the time I expected.
What I learned is, it needs some commitment and dedication to claim back what I’ve given up on for a while…
Parallel to my ‘claiming back’, I shared the journey about the courtyard on social media and let everyone know about it. I posted pictures of me while working on it, from the mud that came up as well as the ‘ready to sit in a beautiful place’ pictures. And so a lot of people did participate on our journey and also contribute with comments and appreciation.
The old place was given some love again and so it shows. We both, my husband and I, are enjoying very much our ‘new’ surrounding, which reflects our choice to open up again – to each other and the world – and we are looking forward to receive guests in real life and not only via Internet.
But anyway, it is an openness and love that we claimed back into our life and it is beautiful to share this. I realise how much we are made to connect and celebrate our connection. The moment I withdrew from someone and/or life – I am in fact withdrawn from my natural way of being.
By Sandra Schneider, Germany
Further Reading:
Healing relationship issues: beginnings of intimacy
Letting go of the past is true medicine
Letting Go of an Old Way of Protecting Myself
This reflects very clearly that if we don’t deal with the little niggles in life they can escalate and become a problem between us.
This is a fascinating read as it clearly demonstrates what taking on just one hurt can do and when we are growing up we take on many hurts from our parents, family, friends and school life. They all build up in our bodies over time and change our perception of life so that the openness we had as children closes down behind a wall of protection. No wonder we are so screwed up as adults, as we put up walls of protection to keep each other out so as not to get hurt and then we miss out on connecting to people on a deep level and so can become lonely and bitter towards ourselves and everyone else.
100% agree on that last line. One area of withdrawal affects everything. Open up from that and it all opens up.
An awesome claiming in many ways ?✨❤️ loved the photos too.
Every part of homes needs to be claimed for the space they are, its up to us to allow magic and love to fill every millimetre.
So true.
As we deepen our feelings about what we are bringing to our lives our environment will naturally change by what we do and how we place and position our belongings. Simple as you have shared Sandra.
Every part of our home is precious, I love making even the darkest corner tidy and clean.
If we are not connected to ourselves then how can we connect to another? The beauty of committing to the connection to ourselves is that we commit to the connection with others even if another is not connected or living in separation; we offer connection.
This is true, it does take love and commitment to claim back a part of our lives that we had temporarily given up on, ‘What I learned is, it needs some commitment and dedication to claim back what I’ve given up on for a while…’.
The results of doing this can be clearly seen and reflected in the physical transformation of the courtyard. To claim. part of our lives back that we have neglected changes everything on the inside.
The love that comes through us into everything we do is what also greets us back. We limit the love that we allow through when we hold on to hurts and close down in protection – however little we may think it is. Wonderful example offered here of how vital it is to not ignore, but deal with our hurts and issues.
This is such a beautiful analogy for claiming back the spaciousness of life when we address our hurts and how if we are willing to go ever deeper there is always more to explore and expand into.
Inreresting point about withdrawing from any aspect or area of life and not committing: we think we leave behind an empty space that does nothing; but that empty space is like a drain on our energy and vitality: always there in the back of our minds to address and do something about. When we finally get around to addressing it, so often it takes far less time than we’d imagined and feels incredibly light and revitalising afterwards. Thank you for sharing how addressing one area of your life led to more celebration and love in your life: more space to connect and share with others.
Love the before and afters both in the courtyard and with yourselves and your relationship … very cool. When we take the time to look at something that is there either in ourselves or a relationship which could be something we are holding onto or a hurt etc and let this go huge shifts can happen
It is always important to grow and deepen in our relationships. In fact there is never any end point or peak to it. It just keeps on growing and deepening. It is only us that get in the way and limit it; delay how deep it will go.
I love the openness and intimacy in this article, how would the world be if we were open with each other like this, learning, sharing, being inspired….so often we hold back, but there is love in abundance to share, live and be inspired by. Thank you for this, claiming back a way of living which brings love to its core and from this is shared with all.
Thank you Sandra and Samantha. In claiming back your courtyard you are expanding the loving space you have to share with all as a reflection of what it is to not hold back.
There is love in abundance to share, live and be inspired by, I love this sharing Samantha, and yes to, ‘claiming back a way of living which brings love to its core and from this is shared with all.’
“I claimed back my courtyard and what it stands for.” Thank you for the invitation to share in your project to shine the light and love into your lives.
This is a great reminder to not leave anything in disarray and what amazing opportunities we might be missing by leaving aspects of our life unattended. If every part of our life has an aspect we can learn from then it’s worth paying attention to all the details in every area of our lives, homes and work.
It is all those little pockets in life we have withdrawn from and neglect are the ones holding us back from fully engaging in life.
I have just painted the floor in my bathroom and the bath panel and the beams in the hall and beams in some of the bedrooms. It feels so different now. Entering the house it feels so much lighter. I had not considered that I was reclaiming my house but actually that is actually how it feels.
Lovely sharing Elaine. Would be interesting to become aware what part of your body and or life is reflected by this.
We deserve to have love in every area of our lives and our homes are a great reflection of areas we may neglect or don’t put so much effort into.
When we neglect to water our inner garden and let bloom the magnificence of its buds, we give far too much space for the wanton weeds and moss to move in and stake claim over this, our most sacred space.
Looking at the before and after photos I can clearly see how they reflect your relationship, a relationship that was able to blossom once again after you had finally acknowledged the old and un-dealt with ‘stuff’ that was holding the blossoming back. It goes to show that everything around us is constantly passing us messages, all we need to do is stop, look, listen and learn.
Love that one: all we have to do is stop, look, listen and learn. So simple. So true.
This blog was beautiful to come back to… to feel your joy and the reclaiming of your space that was made new, vibrant and full again.
There are so many pockets in life which need reviewing and claiming, sometimes it is things that we neglect like our tax or life admin, or even those parts of our house that are cluttered and overflowing with things we don’t use regularly.
I just so loved all the photos Sandra, after seeing it again I still feel the joy you are both sharing and experiencing, so delightful to read. I must say I am needing to claim more of my back yard again, which relates to me opening up to let more of me out and let more people in.
When we experienced a hurt and we do not deal with it and heal it, it can stay with us and cause more harm than we realise. When I accumulate new hurts they are often related to old hurts that I have not healed. I find when we choose to heal our hurts and start living a life free of hurts, we open up space for love to flow because holding onto our hurts hurt us deeply as it blocks our flow of love.
Thank you Sandra, I enjoyed reading the wisdom you learned from seeing the intersection between situations that hurt you and how you lived. That is a beautiful understanding to come to about the whole of humanity. And even though your outer life profoundly changed by claiming back the courtyard, it was symbolic of the inner healing, that “it is an openness and love that we claimed back into our life and it is beautiful to share this.” Thank you.
Sandra, this is very gorgeous; ‘I realise how much we are made to connect and celebrate our connection’. Reading this I can feel that it is common for us to have hurts in our relationships and to not celebrate our connection and to evolve. So often it seems we take each other for granted. You are wonderful role models to couples on how to live more lovingly and with transparency and openness.
Bringing light and love to our surroundings, both around us and within us, and we are open to meeting everyone with all that we are.
What a great read about the parts of our home that we hold back from expressing everything they can offer us whether we live on our own, with partners, family or friends. Either way there is great movement for change if we are willing to be open to the potential of deepening our relationships with one another.
I can feel that I have held back something inside of me and in doing so I have then withdrawn in other areas of my life and this is currently being reflected in the home, where I have held back my expression. I am now more committed to bringing this out and allowing myself to know from deeper within what my next steps are.
We think the world is against us, but truly it is us who shape the environment by the energy we let through. If we truly want to care for the world around us, first it’s vital to care for the energy in ourselves. From this disregard or harmony comes – thank you Sandra.
Beautiful words of wisdom Joseph. When I reflect on the condition of my house/living space it is a direct reflection on the relationship I have with myself and others. The more I love, care and nurture my body, the more this is reflected in the space I live. Our planet is the same, the condition it is in, is a reflection of where we are at as a race.
It’s amazing how one undealt with part of our lives effects all the other parts of our lives, sometimes without us even realising. Although it makes sense – if our human body was made of a 1000 light bulbs and 20 go out, if we don’t change them then our body is going to be darker and feel different and life will take on a slightly different hue.
A lovely analogy, thank you Meg.
Bring love to any loveless momentum and watch the space transform and sparkle with the light of Heaven, for all those open to it embracing it.
Hear, Hear Carola, powerfully delivered and I love what you’ve shared. I am going to print this out and share this pearl of wisdom with my family.
We can think we have healed a situation and a hurt, but have we partly healed it and buried the rest, it is important to fully heal our hurts, ‘and in another way we did not heal the situation completely and so did hold onto a hurt.’
I just love how Sandra was able to see the correlation of their messy courtyard and how that represented her tendency to withdraw in protection. This shows me just how much our inner life and state of being are constantly being reflected into our outside surroundings, and how we can read these symbols in a way that support us to come back to our true selves.
In that withdrawal Michael we are not in the full expression of ourselves, of the joy, openness and love, and our outer lives are very reflective of this.
There is NOTHING that doesn’t matter, everything has an effect on everything whether seen or unseen and whether we choose to acknowledge it or not.
I read this many moons ago but have loved reading it again and feel it is offering another layer to let go of in my own relationship with my commitment to life. When there are areas of the outside space that are neglected – and I mean outside our bodies not necessarily outside our homes, then it affects our relationships.
I agree Sandra, ‘it needs some commitment and dedication to claim back what I’ve given up on for a while…’ commitment is essential in everything, whether it be to ourselves… or our house and cleaning our courtyard.
It is so true that when we hold onto a hurt, it is there then in all of our interactions with others. This is coming up for me quite strongly at the moment, feeling how much protection I live in and how easily triggered my reactions are.
Sandra, this is really lovely to read; ‘I realise how much we are made to connect and celebrate our connection. The moment I withdrew from someone and/or life – I am in fact withdrawn from my natural way of being.’ Reading this makes me realise that if I withdraw from life then everyone and everything is affected, for me it is really helpful to connect that how I am with myself and others is then reflected in how my home and garden is, this really makes sense to me as I notice that if I feel connected with me then I naturally order and tidy my surroundings and enjoy the lightness and flow with this, if I m feeling overworked, overwhelmed and disconnected then my house becomes messy and there is little care in how I am with myself and my home, thank you for writing about this.
The simplicity you are offering us here is truly beautiful. It is indeed so simple-everything is communicating our inside in the outside. It feels very joyful to see you blossoming again and inviting life and people in. Not only by the visual fact of rebuilding your courtyard but by the quality that can be felt how lovingly you did it. I would love to be your guest 🙂
You are absolutly welcome Stefanie Henn! Just in the moment it is a bit cold….but inside our home it is unfolding well as well :). So – see you soon!
This is so awesome Sandra and shows us that everything in our lives including our homes, offers us a deeper insight into how we live and what may be hiding or holding us back from living from our full connection to who we are. The transformation of your courtyard is gorgeous and shows the commitment and love you both hold for each other and life as one. Thank you.
Our homes are such a reflection of how we live, how awesome you claimed back your back yard – there is nothing better then living in full and having this reflected back to support us in our homes.
Sandra I love coming back to this blog and seeing what an amazing difference it makes when we not only take care of part of our home or life but when we are open to taking care of the whole.
This is like a whole new step up on backyard renovations. The fact is it is possible to read a situation and to feel into why we are holding back or holding onto something. This transformation is huge in the sense that it not only changed your courtyard, but at the same time you were able to look deeply into your relationship and allow more honesty in.
I loved the blog Sandra, and the smiling joyful faces having fun in the new courtyard. I have a backyard that I have been neglecting not wanting to go outside and face it, I recently had some help in it and that made all the difference, I am now claiming it back with love and also a part of me that was being neglected.
It is time for me to clean up our garage. I had fantasised about having a butler to do a few jobs like this and cleaning my shoes but I don’t think we will be getting a butler!
Last week I did the laundry cupboard with a friend and it felt wonderful and looks so beautiful now I feel like showing everyone who visits.
Stunning Sandra – I had an experience like this the other day. At home I found I had cut off from others in my house. Then I noticed how this was true on a very literal way – all my possessions were boxed away on their own. After an evening of rearranging all these things and placing them with other people’s bits, I found there was a new openness and warmth between us all. It’s like on a deeper level I had chosen to let other people in. Your words here emphasise that our physical surroundings reflect so much but in the end it always comes back to energy and us being open and true deep within.
This reminds me of how we have to be constantly aware of whether we are truly celebrating another, or pulling back in any way, as everything is being registered.
Giving the place where we live and work some loving attention always pays dividends.
Thank you Sandra, I always find this very healing and supportive to read. It’s also a great way to see how we interact with our home and environment and if that points to a hurt and protection, including withdrawal. A powerful line here “The moment I withdrew from someone and/or life – I am in fact withdrawn from my natural way of being.”
I can relate to this article as recently I had the driveway pressure cleaned as it was very dirty and a lot of moss began growing there, the way it looked and felt after it was cleaned bought a smile to my face and I felt the lightness and spaciousness it bought to the property.
It is so true that standing in protection can just make things worse, and sometimes it is the most open and honest way forward that supptrs the best in coming back to love.
When we heal and let go of our hurts we clear the space for more of who we are in essence, our love, to emerge. We and our bodies are then moved by a greater quality of love which is, as you have shared Sandra, our natural way of being.
Our lives are like our homes, any clutter and excess in either affects the function of the whole.
There is a gorgeous part in here about claiming back the courtyard and what it stands for. This is gorgeous because it shows that you understand how nothing is in isolation, all things are connected, and by this we can always see the truth of our relationships being reflected back to ourselves through every part of life, even from a courtyard.
Thank you Shami, I appreciated how you shared that nothing is in isolation and everything can reflect something back to us, and in the case of the courtyard an opportunity for healing.
There is so much we can read in the space we live, and there is so much transformation we can find by deepening in that reading. Your experience is a beautiful example of that. Thank you for sharing it
At first glance it, may not be obvious that the ‘state’ of your courtyard was linked to your withdrawal from life, but it makes sense that everything is linked to everything else. Letting untidiness build in my house is definitely a reflection that I am not ‘on it’ at home and that disorder for me, is a reflection of being under pressure and in overwhelm.
It is an amazing process claiming back that which we haven’t used for a while, no matter what it may be, and I love how claiming back your courtyard just wasn’t about the physical work but what unfolded for you on an inner level. I am sure we all have things in our lives that we have allowed the ‘weeds’ to grow in and the ‘mud’ to cover but once we have made the commitment to clear out all that does not belong there the process of rediscovering what is there waiting for us can be quite magical.
All space is sacred and its up to us to claim that space, Every part of a home deserves to be filled with love.
What a brilliant observation/realization Samantha! YES – all space is sacred and so it is on me how I honor this space/sacredness….or not. What a reflection for me, if I do not so. And what a potential for all of us, if I do.
Beautifully put Samantha, “All space is sacred..” it’s there for us to claim and as you say allow it to be filled with love, a love that is already there.
‘The moment I withdrew from someone and/or life – I am in fact withdrawn from my natural way of being.’ I had been feeling this acutely recently and then I chose to clear out the laundry/boiler/shoe/freezer room. This is how everyone enters my house and for some time it had been bothering me that lots of things were crammed into small spaces, hidden, or mostly hidden, from view but there nonetheless. I took everything out and thoroughly cleaned everywhere and then sorted all the bits and pieces, discarding some and organising others, interestingly the man who services the boiler came during this period and we managed to make a little space for him to overhaul the ancient machine that creates the spark that fires up the heating for the whole house. Now it is a joy to walk through the door and, just as the weather turned cold we could appreciate even more the boiler and the man who keeps it’s workings clear and free from blockages. I feel the freedom of my expression returning too and a motivation to communicate.
Thank you. I feel totally inspired by this and love the parallels that you are sharing, emphasising to me that everything matters and all areas of our life have an impact on the others and to not let ourselves fade into insignificance through any of them and how wonderful it is to breathe life into something we have been ignoring.
Love the term ‘breath life into’. Yes, we are surrounded by potential and if we honor it and activate the potential of love in every part, we all will blossom up.
Since moving into this house three years ago, it was not until this year that I have actually paid any real attention to the garden, and seen it as part our house that deserves to be loved and cared for. I was inspired by a neighbour who was selling his organic produce to trim things back a bit, and the plants that I have tended to look so much more healthier, shiny and spacious.
what a difference it makes when we embrace something that we felt was … unembraceable, a dark closet where we simply stuffed things, a part of us that we never look at, a relationship that was never healed, it always makes so much difference when we drag things into the light
Oh yes, it is a joy to make this experience – to step beyond the area we feel comfortable/safe with. A world full of space (true light) is waiting for us to be discovered again.
So beautiful Sandra – today I stepped out more than I have before, embracing people and myself in a whole new way. But I feel it’s important to understand that’s it’s not an overnight thing. We really have drifted so far from the Love we are. So to return takes dedication, persistence and time. But when we embrace this process with true care and togetherness – it is like we have already won.
Thank you Sandra, you help us see so clearly that it’s not enough to dismiss an issue, to brush it off, to briefly discuss and then move on. If we don’t truly stop, connect and commit together to understanding what happened and feel why it hurt, we let it seriously erode the joy and love that we are. The way you and your husband came to see this eventually and heal the situation so beautifully, together is a huge inspiration to me.
You remind me that we are custodians of our homes not owners. We have a responsibility to use whatever space we have in a loving and nurturing way.
This is a great blog for me to read at this point, a few months a go we had people move out of our flat which has left us with a bathroom and spare room we are not used to, from reading your blog I can feel my partner and I have not claimed the space back for us. There is something about claiming your whole home, that is about how much you claim yourselves in life.
Thank you Samantha, I had never considered this, lots to ponder here.
It makes such a difference when we make it just as important as anything else any area of our life and give it as much Love and attention that it deserves.
What a beautiful and powerful lesson Sandra, thank you for sharing your experiences and wisdom with us;
“What I learned is, it needs some commitment and dedication to claim back what I’ve given up on for a while”
Thank you Sandra, I loved what you have shared claiming back your space and opened up to each other and the world. I have a garden that is is need of loving care, I used to love working in the garden but I put it first before me, now that I am learning to be more loving and caring with myself its time to bring this love and attention to my garden, clean up this lovely space and invite people over to share.
Sandra it’s been a while since I have read your blog and I feel truly blessed by the insights and healing I have received again. I realised today reading how I have given up on some parts of life because of hurts, when in fact my natural expression is joy and to engage with life. You have given me a lot more to consider and look at – I may be back soon for another read.
I have a very sad and abandoned balcony.
I loved it dearly when I moved into my home. It overlooks a veritable forest of beautiful trees. Birds play and dance on its railings. I used to sit there in summer and read books, or soak up the sun on beautiful sunny, winter afternoons… but a very difficult work situation changed that.
A low grade state of fear, worry and fretfulness about the future set in…and took over. Incredible how that happens.
And incredible that the abandonment of my balcony has been staring me in the face, saying “Hey Rachel, where are you? And PS, could you please deal with your ‘issue’??’
Sandra, you have inspired me to get out my steam cleaner, scrapers, sugar soap..chuck out the pots that do not work, repaint the concrete and pot some beautiful plants.
It is time not only to reclaim my beautiful healing space, but to reclaim the wholeness of my self – the source of the greatest beauty in my life
Amazing sharing Rachel! If we see our surroundings as a part of us – how would it be to say something like: “I have a very sad and abandoned chest.” We allow things to come down, as we have allowed the world to come down. Now we claim it back – every part of our bodies, houses, gardens and the whole world. The world (and I mean: relationships all over) has to blossom – because its meant to be like that.
Thank you Rachel and Sandra, we allow the negativity of the world and our reaction to it to push us back, we literally withdraw away from ourselves and our outer world reflects this. Time to claim it back!
I love the messages here that holding on to any hurt even if it seems insignificant and closing our heart in protection to any degree have an impact on every aspect of our life. And also that life constantly gives us pointers to the next step for us to reclaim living in full.
a true renovation rescue….
It’s amazing how if we leave just one thing unaddressed in our life – the enormous effect it has on us, and we don’t realise how big that effect is until we address it and it feel so much better. It’s great to address things straight away and not leave those little pockets or areas undealt with, after all, we are just delaying something we will inevitably have to do one day.
There is such an important message for us all in this piece – that when we have a hurt that we perceive another having done to us, we contract, go hard, into protection and then withdraw from life. Sometimes only a fraction but even this is enough to seep into our being and affect our movements further down the track, until one day we look up and see we have let our garden become choked with weeds because we have denied ourselves the beauty of a heart in full bloom.
Awesomely beauty-full Liane, “we have let our garden become choked with weeds because we have denied ourselves the beauty of a heart in full bloom.”
Very beautifully said Liane. You remind me that we often withdraw in resentment, wanting others to ‘pay’ but we are the ones that pay the price for the choice to withdraw.
There is much to learn from in this blog. I can see the tendency I have to want someone else to clean up my disregard of spaces in my home. It is also very true for all of us that we can think we have dealt with a hurt but find that we dealt with 80 or 90% but are secretly clinging to the extra bit. To see the flow on effect on your relationship and the care and openness in your home was a great lesson. I think we kid ourselves that a little secret hurt won’t hurt anyone but in fact it has a big ripple effect and stunts our evolution.
This blog has offered a truly amazing way to look at life because when a hurt has still got a hold on us it is reflected through our choices and our home, garden and office environment. We might tell ourselves it’s dealt with but our life and body can certainly reflect the truth back to us. And great point about clinging on to just a little bit of that hurt and feeling it doesn’t make a difference because it’s our secret, when in fact it’s having a big effect still. It’s similar to clutter, we hang onto something that doesn’t serve us and lowers the energy of our environment.
Yesterday I sorted out our back garden. I cut the grass, swept up and took some junk I had been storing there to the recycling dump. Even though I cant see our garden from the house, it feels great to have done it and I feel a lot lighter.
It is interesting that your place of neglect was also one of the places of repose and enjoyment together Sandra. What a symbol! Too much going on inside you both with the old held hurt which keeps you in motion and avoid addressing it. To claim your courtyard back with all its vibrant plants for growth and vitality, and clean all the old stuff off the floor — your foundation, is the work we all need to do inside us that then allows us to clear the space and meet together to enjoy the beauty of ourselves, each other, and the natural world.
How often do we as humans begin to keep others at a distance, protecting ourselves from becoming intimate, simply because one other person has hurt us? We seem to be so determined to hang on to this hurt and protect ourselves in all manner of ways just in case we get hurt again and so doing the walls around us get even thicker. These walls not only keep people out they keep us shut away from a world that needs us to be in it so everyone misses out. Maybe if we let the hurts go and dismantle these walls we may be very surprised at what happens next.
Claiming back the responsibility in our natural expression of closeness and intimacy is such a deep joy, claiming this in every area of our lives is saying naturalness is our way of life.
Sometimes, we can feel amazing inside our homes, where everything is nurturing and supportive. The key is to take this out in to the world and show your care, be this expressed by the way your garden is tended to, or how you move on to a bus, or even simply how you breathe. Taking yourself out in to life is what makes us all stop and re-consider just how loving or caring we have been and if this needs to change, it is just about asking or presenting the question, as we will all get it and this is what supports us the most with your loving ways.
I have focused very much on the inside of our home since moving here two years ago. Its easy to ignore the outside parts because I am not looking at it a lot of the time, but just because its not visible does not mean I am not aware of it. It’s like that messy room we can keep the door closed on, or that untidy drawer we don’t want to bother sorting out.
Ha! I know this attitude Debra in many ways. The try to ignore what I am aware of anyway. I can use therefore food, busyness and …everything at the end, just to deny what I feel and know. But why? It is asking me to take responsibility and I become more clear about: with everything I choose to become aware of and not ignore it any longer, I get a bit more of life and its possibilities. In fact it is a great gift to expand my awareness and responsibilities – it expands my life as well.
Well done Susan & the boys! To hear the call is the key to more joy.
Yeah, to protect ourselves comes from holding on to hurts. And the weapons which shall defend us are in fact creating and supporting more pain. They even attract more hurt.
I have been blown away continually by what Universal Medicine presents about the hurts we hold, as before I came across this I would have had a handful of hurts that I knew of and that would have been pushing it. So to come to a realisation and feel the many hurts that I had been walking around with and how this had created layers and layers of protection I can now see that this kept everyone out and myself at a distance with myself also. Healing these hurts and letting them go has been incredibly freeing and now I can feel when this protection goes up and am ready to keep looking for any unresolved issues that I have been holding onto – you’ll be surprised how many there are! It is like we actually enjoy having them because we think it keeps us safe instead of being totally transparent, but it comes at a cost.
Yes. To protect ourselves has its costs. And when it is on us to pay for it we blame others for what we did end up with to try to avoid to pay. But to pay we have to. This is called Karma – and it is a blessing, as it empowers us and does not let us out of responsibility. This is true love and the representative of who we are in truth: divine energetic beings. If we re-connect with this fact no protection is needed.
It’s so interesting how sometimes we can ignore messes, untidy rooms, courtyards, kitchens etc for months – even years! – but it makes sense when, as you’ve shared Sandra, we are accepting less in our relationship to ourselves and others. Whatever is going on for us personally is always reflected in our living spaces.
Each time I focus on cleaning a specific area of the house it feels like it represents an openness to a much deeper change on a personal level also.
ahhh ja – the space we create outside will have a reflection on the inside. How exciting 🙂
Great to be inspired by this blog again, especially when looking about at our back users today – need to up the love !
great to see the potential for more love – wherever 😉
“What I learned is, it needs some commitment and dedication to claim back what I’ve given up on for a while…” This is a great lesson to learn. I am beginning to (metaphorically) turn the ship on a pattern that has been driving me a certain way. And the ship feels like a big huge old unwieldy thing and I went to get frustrated, and I was like, woah, I am feeling the momentum of this old pattern that has had its way for so long. It does take commitment and dedication to turn the tide on something you have allowed to run for so long and return to what you have given up on.
Yeah. The choice to turn around is done in a split-second …but than we face what we have done, what is in the way now and have to clean up. This is ‘taking responsibility’ and I slowly start to embrace this.
There is nothing lovelier than tidying up the garden or a room in the house. It makes the space so great to be in and relax in. Even a good house clean does the job just as well. Everything seems more open and lighter.
and it brings up a s p a c e which gives true love the opportunity to flow freely – 🙂
We have been living in our new home for two years now. We have a cute garden, but the space is neglected. I am feeling inspired to claim our outside space (as soon as it gets a little warmer…and dryer!)
Looking forward to hear about what this area stands for in your living with yourself and in relationships….
Loved how you embraced it in full as a new learning and healing opportunity without judging or criticising yourselves. It is so so common to beat ourselves up when we realise these areas of irresponsibilities or imperfections in life and that in itself is highly unloving. You are showing us an example of learning as a true student of life.
Thank you Joshua for your awareness, honor and appreciation.
This life is full of opportunities to learn and unfold more of our beauty and grace. If I beat myself up when I realize that i have to learn something – I will stop unfolding. Not that I would not know how to beat up myself! But I learn, more and more, to stop it, because it makes just no sense and leads us in the opposite direction. To talk or think myself down or to become arrogant and think I am better, are just two sides of the same coin – an illusionary coin….and a waste of time.
The relationship we have with ourselves is also the relationship we have with others, and can be very revealing of areas within our own self relationship that need addressing just like you share so beautifully here Sandra. Being more open and honest about how we are feeling can help us to have more of an honest and truly healing conversation with others, without blame or any emotion.
Yes it is great to see it as it is: the energy and what it brings come through me into the world. We so often have the illusion of what is in the world penetrate and overwhelms us – but that’s is not true. We are on count.
From the transformation depicted in the photographs it is easy to see the beauty that the space can now offer. Knowing that this is a reflection of the transformation in your relationship and what that now brings to you and the world is beautiful.
Your words make me smile Jonathan. And how great it is that these kind of transformations are on offer everywhere in our lives – So much to discover and unfold!
Those pictures say it all, a beautiful ceremony to appreciate what we have.
This I take as a great reminder Michael! Thank you. To celebrate what we have is such a great foundation to build even more joy on it!
If we don’t use a space then it becomes stagnant. This goes for any room in the house, the outdoor areas, the garage etc etc. And stagnancy then becomes an energy that can cause a ‘drag’, a slowing down of ourselves in general. Hence when we go ahead and love up a space, be it the spare bedroom or the courtyard etc, then there is no time nor space for the stagnant energy to lodge itself, and so the loving up of that space simply feeds us back and the love comes back to us, like a return of energy! Thank you Sandra for this wonderful reminder to not neglect any part of us and our homes.
That is so true Henrietta. Stagnancy is not our true nature.
“The old place was given some love again.” A beautiful realisation that we all have corners of our life and surrounds that are calling for love.
and the whole world is calling for love too. Lets start in our rooms and surroundings and than expand from here.
Sandra, this really makes sense, ‘The old place was given some love again and so it shows. We both, my husband and I, are enjoying very much our ‘new’ surrounding, which reflects our choice to open up again – to each other and the world’. I have noticed that as I am being more loving and appreciative of myself that I am feeling naturally impulsed to change my surroundings too, I have added flowers and beautiful touches, the house feels more cared for and loved.
When we connect to the love that we are, it will be expressed and we feel it all around as well. This is beautiful.
I’ll take away two golden nuggets from this blog today: “Our thoughts support and reflect our choices.”
I really felt this this morning as I felt my body contract while eating something, believing I was bad for doing so but underneath was an old hurt I had not acknowledged was there until now.
And: “It takes time to reclaim what we have withdrawn from.”
Having withdrawn from my true nature has not been an instant process but one of gradual progression and continues to be so. Being reminded of this helps support patience.
Thank you Sandra
Yeah – it is the consistency we bring into our willingness to become aware again. Consistency is key…to become aware again that we are gems and have the joyful responsibility to express it.
The beauty of reflection in our surroundings is a god send and one that we can grow and expand from constantly. Thank you for sharing your experiences Sandra and I love your before and after photo’s of your courtyard. Gorgeous indeed.
We are fixated like never before with architecture and the style of houses and places we live, but isn’t there something important missing from these modern utopian dreams? For we carry on storing junk and ignoring issues not seeing the connection that is there between how we choose to be and the way our environment is. In my experience there is only so long we can keep rennovating without first addressing what’s happening internally. Thank you Sandra for this personal sharing – for sure I am going to look with fresh eyes at my home and what that represents for my partner and I.
Great point Joseph – the spring cleans we do at home are in some regards also a spring clean of ourselves. Our homes after all represent us…but it is equally important that we do a spring clean of ourselves, like a detox, only really taking a moment to see what works and what does not and then ditch the things that do not work. And how important is it that we fill our homes with the warmth that we are, have and hold within ourselves.
It is an interesting process to reflect on how we utilise and look after different parts of our house. The reflection can offer such rich detail about areas of our life that we neglect or dismiss which in effect only hold us back from living with more purpose and responsibility.
Great example of how everything is all one life and we cannot live making certain aspects more important than others, compromising the quality of relationship we have with ourselves and those around, it just doesn’t work as love is universal and living it and expressing it equally is just our natural way of being.
Yes Francisco, Love is our natural way of being and when we live and express against that- it hurts.
It is such a lesson to read or experience the harm that can be done by not acknowledging the true depths of a hurt. It is like we feel the need to pass over that feeling quickly and therefore, sometimes, don’t really get to the root of the problem and build a protective shield or a coping mechanism. The ongoing consequences to a relationship and its impact on other areas of our lives is quite enormous as your experience shows. It always comes up again for us to see as another opportunity to deal with it. Well done for going there and for sharing it with us.
Life is offering us again and again layers of learning/evolvement. Some things we get out of our system by really renouncing it – others will come back in lighter versions till it is done. But w can always trust in life (or: trust in the love of God) that we will be challenged / asked to be more till the end…and than it will go on as well, as there will be no end in truth.
The protective shield we erect to prevent further hurt can be subtle and insidious and sneakily make us withdraw or give up. Unearthing the cause make connection and intimacy possible. Awesome sharing Sandra, thank you.
Its amazing how consciously changing the way we move makes us see “space differently” and not just space to store things or do things in, but space to feel spacious.
Ja Harrison! The space to feel again our original, our spherical being and our connection to THE SPACE, which is the Universe. In fact the Universe is not just ‘out there’ – it can be felt inside of us. If we clean up and make some space to feel it again. : D
Since reading this blog Sandra, I have done phase one of claiming back my home. It is not complete yet but already the place feels completely different. I’m away at the moment and I’m so looking forward to walking back in and feeling the spaciousness I left behind.
Since reading your blog Sandra I have been clearing out my garage of old clutter that needed to go, and I have also borrowed a friend’s pressure cleaner and am looking forward to cleaning the driveway and the house and removing the mould and dirt that has built up. Thank you for the inspiration it has made a beautiful change to my surroundings and you can certainly feel and see the difference.
I can feel here your fire in clearing Anna and for bringing a change. It delivers a smile on my face 🙂 and I feel re-inspired again to clear something today. Thank you.
Thank you Sandra, reading this has me looking at the areas within my own home (including the patio space) which have been neglected and could do with being re-claimed back, along with what those spaces reflect back to us as a family.
Such a great example about commitment to life and how our hurts have a truly insidious way of taking root and holding us back without our real knowing. I’m inspired to look at areas in and around my home that may be reflecting what is stuck in my life or no longer needed.
Go for it Cathy!
I adore this photo of you both. The delicious joy and love between you is palpable – there for us all to share and be inspired by.
Thank you Lucy. Reminds me again that every time I do not feel this ‘delicious joy and love’ between me and my partner I have to stop and clear something out because it is not ‘normal’. Normal is to be ‘delicious joy and love’. This is our standard and less should not longer be accepted.
Sandra, I love watching a transformation and seeing how a place or a person comes to life, to more vitality – it is so simple as all we need to do is nourish them and feed them and care for them and they will flourish, no different to a courtyard or a plant as you have shared here. There is just so much love to give from an endless resource and so much love for us to be fed by and live by ourselves, it is simply us who reduce the flow of this love. The photos you have posted here show it all, and I have seen it time and time again around me too with the people in my life – it is time to share the love, in the way of true love and care and intimacy.
I agree Henrietta “it is time to share the love, in the way of true love and care and intimacy” and when w live so it will be reflected by our surroundings. This will become a true beautiful place.
It is amazing how it all stems back to our hurts no matter how little it may seem the ripple effect is shown in aspects of our lives. A great reminder that our lives are connected in so many ways in such tiny details and that we all have the opportunity to keep refining this so that the true quality can be lived.
It’s true and great to feel now while you pointed it out Natallija – we and it’s all connected. How beautiful is that! This connection is responsible for the reflections we get in life and so to get all this offerings to learn, offerins of evolution. Proofs for me that there is a God and she/he is love. By and by we will find out and read the divine creation we are living in and being a part of and live the divinity, the love and truth we are.
It is indeed an evolutionary path your courtyard has presented, as a opportunity to look at an area of disregard that has been firstly lived and then reflected, what a gorgeous honest example you have shared Sandra.
Thank you Merrilee. And so all our lives are presenting our evolutionary path, represent in which way and how much we are developed on our path of evolution.
Another tangible example of the phrase: ‘Nothing is nothing and everything means everything.’ (Serge Benhayon) When we start to understand that we are part of everything and everything is a part of us because everything is connected and hence never independent, we will change our relationship with every aspect of life and life will be much richer than ever imaginable.
I really love this Alex, specially the last bit: ‘life will be much richer’, as it reflects to me again how much we have the tendency to take responsibility as a burden and measure how much and how far we choose to take/go in order to not get overwhelmed or overloaded. Thereby this is a false picture we are holding on to. In fact we become richer with every responsibility we take. A richness which is not breaking our backbone by carrying it, but the wind beneath our wings …to fly. To see and live in the responsibility of the fact of our all connection (=energetic integrity) is embracing God’s breath as ours as well. For my part I can say: I feel much richer since I have cleared up what was standing between me and my partner. And the next step is already waiting – there is no end, no limitations of wealth on this path.
Thank you to both of you, what you have shared here is a great inspiration. “life will be richer indeed” when we live with the understanding of “Nothing is nothing and everything is everything”
It’s true that life becomes richer when we open up to the fact that we can learn from everything in life. Nothing feels very dull and flat and meaningless whereas everything is everything and nothing is nothing brings curiosity and expansion to life. The ‘little’ situations in life can be a lot of fun and bring with them so much, opening the curtains, eating a spoon of cereal, walking up the stairs. All have something about life and ourselves we can learn from.
It is interesting how our way of living and our environment does change with all our choices even those ones to hide little hurts or issues. It is not obvious to see when we are still feeling hurt and ‘in the issue’ but it is always reflected back to us in one way or another.
This is true Joshua “It is not obvious to see when we are still feeling hurt and ‘in the issue’ ” and thats why it is so supportive to deal with the issues and let go of the hurts by and by. The wider our view becomes and our thoughts will change with it as well. There is so much space (of joy) available for us, if we choose to let go and clean up the mess (hurt, issue, problems,..) we have filled it up with.
‘What I learned is, it needs some commitment and dedication to claim back what I’ve given up on for a while…’ Well said and very true Sandra, I know whenever I choose to clear or de-clutter the home there is always such a lightness and expansive feeling this brings to the house and also to my body. Thank you for inspiring me to look at any other areas in my home I have not bought this level of commitment and love to as well.
As everything reflects everything, claiming back an area of our house is like claiming back an important part of our body that has been neglected and therefore not actively supporting our whole body.
We can live in our homes and turn a blind eye to how they are and how we feel about them. Things become just they way they are and we accept them. Yet perhaps we are missing out on a whole lot of joy (like what can be felt from the photo on this blog) by not giving them the love and care they are calling for. When we love and care for our homes it is really ourselves we are loving and caring for.
What a beautiful point to be spotted: if we do not live full of joy – we are missing something, do not live our full potential. Arrangements hurting us, even we may are good in numbing it will come out one day. So good to start when we realize that we did become serious or uninvolved, not truly interested, indifferent. This is not acceptable. Let’s raise our bar!
The difference between an area that is neglected, forgotten and dead to us, vs somewhere that is well tended and loved is immense. There is so much space all around us – how do we look after it, and how does it nurture and support us?
The qualities of commitment and dedication are life changing and super supportive to claim back our true and natural essence.
Great photos, really revealing in a picture what can occur when one ‘clears out’ and cleans out the old, ready for the new to come in. But as you read what you are sharing, you can feel that there is more that has shifted, not just the dirt and grime, but true space in your life for other things to now enter that wasn’t able to before.
Yes Reagan, by clearing the beauty of something underneath the mess had the chance to shine through again.
‘What I learned is, it needs some commitment and dedication to claim back what I’ve given up on for a while…’. I have neglected some areas in my life and am realising how necessary it is to claim them back – the resistance to doing so is usually because I am not addressing the energy that lurks beneath.
Refreshing , re-ordering my space, inside and outside, is a reflection of my commitment to life, my relationships , my work…everything, and has become part of my daily rhythm and has made a huge difference to my energy and vitality. It is interesting to watch which areas tend to clog up more than others . . and the areas that I find easy to keep shiny.
Truly interesting Jenny to see what areas of ‘outside’ life do respond on our inner! We could do a landscape of our outer field and discover by and by what areas from the inner are connected to. It is like a re-conquest of awareness and so, having more available reflections/support around us. To become more aware is in fact a re-claiming of our power.
Just goes to show that everything is a reflection of something else and that we can’t look at things in isolation – it is all one life and pockets of neglect in one area will coincide with pockets in other areas.
Sandra you have given us a great example of an area in your home being neglected as a reflection of a cover up of a hurt. I feel we can all have a look around at the pockets that become stale and ‘hit the refresh button’. It feels so great to get to these areas and move things around, just as it feels great when we shift stale pockets in our relationships.
Yes Marrilee. The moment we do not go on in a relationship it becomes dull and than we are often looking outside for ‘something fresh’ and solutions. Whereby we just not up-to-date with what we have and where we could be.
For me this is all about being honest about the fact that our courtyards (front gardens, cupboards, garages, lofts, drawers, filing cabinets…) are a reflection of how we are living and do have an impact on our lives, either supporting or draining us. I cannot deny the freshness and lightness I feel when I sort a space out.
I have just done a clean out of the kitchen drawers and re-organised them all. It feels amazing to have done this and what I have noticed whenever I do things like this, is that when you go back to the cupboards it is like they feed you back – you get re-energised with the love that you put into it. Love feeding you right back!
“I could see how these thoughts did support a choice I have made: the choice to withdraw from life.” This is a profound insight, which I shall employ to ponder what choices I am making when I have thoughts, which are excuses for not doing things.
Great call Jonathan! When we get ‘strange thoughts’ we know in fact deeply that they are not supportive for all of us – we have the responsibility to bring a change here.
My partner and I claimed to be in the accountability of bringing ‘sweetness’ to the world, showing how easy, simple and lovingly normal a relationship can be on its way of evolving. When we now find ourselves in situations we become hard with each other or ‘problems’ occur – we ask ourselves ‘is it sweet what we bring just now?’ and than re-connect again with what we are here for. The so called problems do melt by reconnecting to our purpose and make no sense anymore. It is beautiful! We do not have to ‘go to the ground’ of our issues – but choose to come back to our purpose we agreed with.
It’s great to use the spaces we live in as buildings which can help us be in conscious presence.
I agree Sandra – everything is about learning, and never judgement for that is the greatest barrier to true understanding.
Good point Annie! We can judge or we can understand – not both. Looks like life is full of simple choices.
It is super interesting to consider how everything reflects something of truth to us,, for example whether it is the messy car or bedroom showing we are deliberately engaging in neglect and disregard – and then we use that insight to get to understand why and how, and thus everything can teach us something if we are open to it
Thank you, Annie, this is a really supportive approach. Not beating ourselves up for any disarray but clocking it and letting it be a moment of inspiration and learning.
Your article shows that how holding onto our hurts and not dealing with them not only affects our bodies and our relationships but our surroundings. It is awesome that you and your husband realised this and began to heal the situation leading to the reflection of the beautiful outside space of your courtyard which you could then share with each other.
Thank you Sandra, we can not live our lives making one part more important than another as in truth it is all the same, the more we commit to our life in full the more this is reflected by the harmony and intimacy of our relationships and the space we live in.
Isn’t it beautiful to realize that every moment and every part of life counts?
Like the picture Shirley-Ann. I found taking responsibility is the sun/light/fire that let the hurt melt away and gives way again for to see my true purpose.
What I get more and more is: Reflections (all what happens with and around us) are not a problem or to be seen as annoying or to react against. They are there to support us in learning and evolving.
Note to myself: Good realization – now live it. 😉
It is so important to read into every spec of our everyday life and the symbolic meaning to why things happen the way they do. If we do this we can better understand ourselves.
“What I learned is, it needs some commitment and dedication to claim back what I’ve given up on for a while…” this is so very true and provided me with such a great reminder right now. I have recently been letting go of some old hurts and this line is exactly what I needed to read right just now. That when we have been protecting ourselves, there is a learned way of being and that we need to retrain ourselves so to speak, to be a different way and that can take commitment and dedication, so thank you, that is exactly what I will focus on.
In re-reading your title, ‘Claiming back the courtyard’, it hit home in terms of the importance of the word ‘claim’. It’s a great word, and I can feel the strength behind someone who is claimed. A very appropriate title for two people who didn’t ‘take’ back the courtyard, but ‘claimed’ it. Awesome.
Its amazing how our relationship with rooms and objects change when we hold our bodies differently, and everything can be seen and placed from our inner knowing which is how the outer will reflect the inner.
Yeah it is very interesting how our view on things and relationship changes, when our inner connection does change. Let me ponder on what is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ or anyway what I judge to be in a way is all about my current inner standing and so: view on it. What I call my reality – but is it truth? (find more about truth & reality here: http://bit.ly/2eKU6Bm)
This is a beautiful sharing Sandra I love it ” I realise how much we are made to connect and celebrate our connection. The moment I withdrew from someone and/or life – I am in fact withdrawn from my natural way of being.” The claiming back of your courtyard is a great reflection of how every thing counts both with in and around us and how one thing let go of has an effect on everything else . It is beautiful to feel the joy from you both in the photo and the appreciation is beaming out for us all to see.
When we withdraw from one person, we are really withdrawing from ourselves first, and then not just this one person, but everyone.
Yes Sandra, amazing how the courtyard became a big symbol of where your relationship was at. It feels yucky and unpleasant when we let these parts go but what Esoteric Medicine has helped me understand is that there is no mistake in any act or situation and that each one has something deeper to show. Imagine if each room or place in your house corresponds to part of your body, and that in itself has a relationship with a quality or philosophy you are pursuing just what would your living environment say about you today? For everything is connected and reflects all we do think and say.
Whenever we give up on something, life will ring at our door and let us know. Nothing stays unnoticed.
There is nothing lovelier than transforming an outside space or a room in a house. There is a direct relationship to how we live and feel in that space. It can support us to feel more spacious and open as detail is taken care of.
The world is our mirror and everything is reflecting something to us if we choose to be open and aware of this.
Yeah. And by re-claiming our selves we have to face what we’ve done and how this did have an effect on us and the world. To not react here but take this reflection as an point of evolution, to grow even more, get more understanding and let ourselves unfold the truth more and more can be a challenge, but one we should face because if not the mess will take over. And what I found by my own experiences is that it is much more easy and joyful to reconnect than we sometimes imagine it. A challenge is a good thing and a joy to take it. It always offers a deeper connection to all and this is a blessing.
Sandra, I love how you came to the realisation that “our surroundings did reflect our way of being.” This is something for us to be aware of especially within our homes, our relationships and even our cars and at work. Are our surroundings supporting us in every moment? – And if not, making the choice to make a change. This is something I am so very aware of at the moment and that’s probably why I keep coming back to your wonderful blog for another dose of inspiration!
So you are aware and know where to look for support 😉
This is just such a great reminder – “What I learned is, it needs some commitment and dedication to claim back what I’ve given up on for a while…” – to take a look into all areas of our lives, checking in how we are dealing with these, or not as for some may be the case. Thank you Sandra, reading your blog again today reminded me to finish off what I have recently started with regards to some cupboards in my home …
Wherever there is a place that is unloved, whether it be in our homes, our places of work, or even in our relationships, it is always worth claiming this place back to be the love that you know is possible. And what Sandra shows us, is that yes, it may take some hard graft, some long hours and tough work, but the result is worth it, because when we expand our love out in to the world, all people benefit from this, which is great and important work.
“What I learned is, it needs some commitment and dedication to claim back what I’ve given up on for a while…” I feel this sentence Sandra relates to all aspects of life, especially our mental health, over time if we give up on an ourselves it takes a re- commitment to reclaim our fullness and jest for life again.
‘The moment I withdrew from someone and/or life – I am in fact withdrawn from my natural way of being.’ It is ironic that we do this due to our experiences and in protection however we do more hurt to ourselves than anyone else can.
It is interesting how this blog reflects the writers home and how they were living. A timely reminder that this does not stop here but extends to so many other aspects of our life.
We can change so much just with the simple choice to be aware of what is truly going on.
I simply adore this photo of you both in connection and playfulness, to think that had been slowly but surely corroded away is such a tragedy – most people live in this protection and the depth of sadness felt at this unnatural way of living is what leads to most mental and emotional illness. So beautiful to see it return in full. Very inspiring.
Thats the beauty of connecting to our potential and purpose in life: it makes all what we put in the way so ridiculous.
What I find fascinating in your experience Sandra is how after dealing with the issue and the hurts that it caused, you and your husband both actually did want a beautiful place to sit and be – a whole different perspective than before when the hurt was present. Even our whole perspective on life is changed when we carry and hold onto issues and hurts.
And I imagine, by reading your comment Josh, that we as a world wide community let go of our hurts and create this world into a beautiful place….
“I could see how these thoughts did support a choice I have made: the choice to withdraw from life.” This is great to realise, that thoughts we have and agree with can be not true yet feel right because of a choice we have made well before the situation where we are thinking these thoughts arises. So it is always great to discern if what we are thinking is what we honestly would like to live like.
‘What I learned is, it needs some commitment and dedication to claim back what I’ve given up on for a while…’ True Sandra , and each step forward is a great moment, feeling the joy of the re-commitment we return to.
‘The moment I withdrew from someone and/or life – I am in fact withdrawn from my natural way of being.’ This is gold Sandra, thank you. It is never just about the other person or the situation. My body becomes very tense when I withdraw, I create my own cage to hide in and so I am realising that whenever we choose to withdraw we are hurting ourselves.
It is revealing how you have shared Sandra how we can generalise a reaction from one hurt from one situation into another by using the same form of protection.
Stagnant energy in an area of neglect can weight things down in ways we do not realise. And so if and when our daily path ‘forwards’ seems to be harder to tread, it is worth looking back to see the trail we have left behind and if this needs to be re-imprinted. Thank you for your gorgeous sharing Sandra!
I love that idea Henrietta to evaluate every part of our lives when we are feeling life is more hard than usual and not just giving up and accepting that ‘it is just the way it is’.
The beauty of the outer world is, that it directly reflects disconnection to us, even when we are not aware that we are moving in disconnection. What a blessing nature is!
Changing the layout and composition of our bedroom, kitchen, courtyard, office and any room can make such a huge difference to how we feel when we’re in that room, and as you’ve highlighted if it is a shared space it can totally transform the quality of conversation too.
great pick up Susie!
A great reflection and yes withdrawing is definitely something to let go of, it is where I am not being responsible, being responsible to be myself in full and fully committing to life, ‘The moment I withdrew from someone and/or life – I am in fact withdrawn from my natural way of being.
I was looking at this reflection in my life and realised how much my husband and I had withdrawn from here…life is full of reflections to show us where we have withdrawn in many areas of our life. And it is great when we open up to seeing this, because from this space we know exactly what we must do.
You know, it can all seem pretty ‘straight forward’ to make a space (whether internal or external) ‘look’ beautiful – to clean it up, put in furniture, plantings, a fresh coat of paint, some refurbishments in the design… and yet for a space to truly FEEL beautiful and confirming of who we are, well that is another matter.
When such a change comes from an inner knowing and prompting as you and your husband have done Sandra, and it is clearly done with such joy and love, the difference is completely felt. This is not about ‘appearances’, but reflection and honouring – reflection of who we are and where we stand in life, and honouring of this and the confirmation and celebration of us that the space brings.
I would love to visit your courtyard when in Germany!
And you are very welcome Victoria! Bring your lovely husband with you when you come over.
And I agree, tidiness can be done in emptiness. But you feel the difference. It is like when we have an arrangement with someone instead of a true relationship. It does not grow than and becomes boring. And that’s the key to a vital relationship: evolution.
Victoria you are spot on – I like things to be neat and tidy around me, but I do have to catch myself so that I am not waiting for the outside first to feel ok in order for the ‘inside’ of me to feel ok. It is key that I first and foremost feel the steadfastness and ‘tidiness’ within, and then from there allow the outside to transform in its right time.
Beautiful to feel and see the ‘expansion’ of yourself and your husband out into the courtyard space Sandra. I can very much appreciate all that this can represent, and celebrate how joyful and lush it feels.
Your blog is a delight to read Sandra; I love how you highlight that dealing with our hurts creates space and time, thus allowing us to be who we truly are. The care and upkeep of our homes is a beautiful reflection of how we are going with dealing with our hurts. Lots to ponder here Sandra, thank you.
Hurts that we hold and try to ‘hide’ inevitably resurface in places we can no longer deny or avoid.
“The moment I withdrew from someone and/or life – I am in fact withdrawn from my natural way of being.”
The only way to true intimacy is to embrace everyone equally and bring all of us in our interactions with others, we cannot be intimate with just one person if we are keeping others away for in thruth we are the same essence within. Thank you Sandra.
Every room, inside and out has reflection for us in our lives. I know I’ve had times when my spare room has resembled a junk room or store room – as if ‘out of sight and out of mind’ makes it ok. But of course it doesn’t because everything is energy. So we cannot have pockets in our homes that are neglected because this has an affect whether we are aware of it or not.
Sandra I realised I was living under the consciousness of summer v winter. The paving in our garden gets really dirty and as we are in winter it will get more dirty. My partner was wanting to get this cleaned and I resisted thinking, save the money and do it in the spring, anyway he decided it should be done now and when we spoke about it I realized how I would put things off and live with something that is not loving, anyway all of £30 later and the entire paving area is pressure cleaned. It literally sparkles, I am super inspired and it feels like a whole body clean. A great lesson for me in that why put something off because of the season and let more stuff pile on top when you can take care of something now and enjoy the lightness forever more.
“But anyway, it is an openness and love that we claimed back into our life and it is beautiful to share this.” Great point Sandra, we can change the outer as much as we like but if we do not heal the underlying issue or hurt it won’t look and feel as lovely as it does on the pictures you shared. It is about the energy we live in not the outer alone.
Sandra, I love the natural and refreshing way that you share your claiming back your courtyard. It is fascinating how your relationship with your husband reflected in your outer surroundings, and now your courtyard looks beautiful, very inviting and ready to welcome guests. Just like the both of you, beautiful, inviting and all ready to welcome guests into your heart. Thank-you, your sharing has lightened my heart and your photo has put a smile on my face 🙂
Yes. We carry such a responsibility. Just recently we had a few couples as guests and they said they felt so welcomed and held in a way that it was easy to open up, speak and developing together. This was again an amazing and lovely reflection for us.
Now, when we found ourselves in a ‘problem-mode’ together – we ask ourselves ‘is this supportive for all?`’will this help others to open up more?’ ‘are we supporting intimacy here?’ – if not, it is a made-up complication that does not serve and so we see how to let it go.
Laws of physics relate that we can never create space, but the way we choose to interact within space and in particular in space we have claimed as our living space at home is such a powerful statement about how we are choosing to live. Either we choose to connect to a very natural, essential and expansive way of being as Sandra describes, or we can withdraw and this means a space inside ourselves is also withdrawn from and not claimed. The photo’s in this blog show it very precisely if we are open to feeling them, how the outer reflects the inner.
And when I withdraw from a space I have anyway, the question arise ‘If not I claim and fill this space – who or what does fill it?’….
It is my space – so I am responsible for it. When I do not fill it with love it will be filled with ‘something else’. And I am responsible for this.
The upkeep of our homes draws a good parallel to how we are living our lives, anything neglected is quick to start deteriorating, but with a little tender love and care (TLC) so much becomes clear.
What a great refelection Sandra for us all. It is indeed worth looking at all areas of our lives where we are not expressing in full, as if we are not then eventually they will present themselves as something more complex that we have to deal with, potentially in the body. A bit like the courtyard, if we do not keep everything clean and tidy, pruned and weeded, eventually it will become a tangled and unruly mess that we have to attempt to clear up.
Home improvement programmes have become all the rage and I always love a before and after, it has such a feeling of satisfaction to see the change. I wonder what it is within us that loves that change to a clearer brighter space, perhaps it is because that is a mirror of how our bodies love to be also, to have that order and that clear openness in how we live, how we interact with one another and the love we have being enough to want to create something beautiful that can be shared.
This is a powerful reflection of how when we withdraw from areas and commitments in our relationships that the effects develop over time if they are left undealt with until we have to search for the cause. A valuable lesson – thank you for sharing Sandra.
Yes. If we do not live and nourish our natural unfoldment with ourselves and each other we live and nourish ‘something else’. The question is always, what we are saying yes to. This has consequences. Like my holding on to a hurt did have an effect on my relationship (and my courtyard).
It does take some time to reclaim what we have given up on. It is a constant journey that takes constant commitment. I found I was committing to something, becoming more open and letting go of hurts, then thinking “good, that’s done” and leaving it. This doesn’t work because commitment needs to be consistent and openness needs to be always. It is easy to fall back into old patterns so this needs constant love and attention, like the courtyard.
I agree from my heart and knowing – consistency is a true way if it is done with love. Consistency is then in fact a confirming and celebration of an order that belongs to the Universe.
“And our surroundings did reflect our way of being.” This is a statement that I know to be true. For me, it is very interesting that within my home everything on the outside looks clean and tidy, yet open some of the cupboards and they are a mess, yet I hide these away. What this is reflecting to me is the appearances that I still go into for everything to be okay, yet, there are still different aspects of my life (symbolic of the drawers) that need to be addressed and put into order.
Very well observed Donna. I found it very supportive to find out what is the ‘living way’ behind the mess, what aspect of my living does the mess reflect me and than start to bring a change in here first. Than I am so joyful and easy with bringing this renaissance of order from my expression into my living space.
This blog is such a great metaphor of how we can neglect areas of our lives or our relationships and in doing so withdraw from a full engagement in life. It feels like new energy is breathed into those neglected parts of life and vitality can naturally return.
And by “neglect areas of our lives” we go out of the relationship here and into an arrangement. There is no flow, no purpose, no responsibility taken and so our contact does wither. And without connection to ourselves, to our brothers & sisters and to the Universe, we become dried meat.
I love this article. It is such an insight into how the spaces we live and work in do reflect how we are doing and can teach us so much about life and where we are at.
Wow what a transformation and not just the courtyard either Sandra. It is incredible how much being willing to look at something that we have been avoiding for a long time can actually have a significant impact on our lives and those around us. Super inspiring and thanks for sharing.
What a gorgeous transformation to Love Sandra! We cannot let any part of ourselves stay uncared for and ‘unused’. And our hurts give us that excuse.
Hello Sandra and it’s great to discuss how our surrounds reflect something in us or something we are choosing. Like the detail you are giving us on your courtyard. Indirectly after reading this blog we have had a house clean out. We have had them before but not taken it all the way we felt. I can also see that we have been building to this one. Why have we had to build and why does the house need a clean out? Because we haven’t taken a deep care with it and now while not looking bad it has needed to be lifted to where we are. The house is us and so in that lift is the awareness of what has been left for another day, later or down the track when in fact, it’s felt and the awareness was there and it was needing to be done as a part of our day. In other words a living clean out and lift every day because your not leaving nests in the house that grow and grow. You are having an ongoing relationship with your surroundings and listening when their reflection isn’t singing the song it should. Our house has been singing but the tune has been a bit off, it’s great to read about others having similar and yet different experiences, thank you Sandra.
As that very wise Serge Benhayon once said… ‘everything is everything and nothing is nothing’, your blog reveals this beautifully.
I had never thought of any connection between the unused back yard and aspects of how we live.
i am well aware that it is possible that it is connected though, and I also know how much It makes sense when you consider the science of symbolism…..
Our eyes see the outside world through the lenses of how we feel inside. That is why we may not notice the obvious and can adjust easily to things on the outside going down.
This is such a clear representation of how we cut of access to parts of ourselves when we choose protection from our hurts. Your process of reclaiming this openness feels like letting joy back into your relationship.
True Michael, when I do hold on to a hurt it is like it stays between me and the other – no space for joy then. But we claimed it back! Courtyard and Joy.
It is quite an experience when our awareness increases. We suddenly notice things that have always been there but we perceive them quite different. That can be objects and people and even aspects of ourselves.
Yes Christoph, by increased awareness our view becomes broader and more clear. That changes our reality as well. (As I did explain a bit more in the blog “Reality, Truth and Serge Benhayon” http://bit.ly/2eKU6Bm) As it did change my thoughts about my courtyard.
I find it so interesting how the way we feel about ourselves is so often reflected in the way we care for our living and work spaces. We can be messy and full of disregard, or super clean and full of control, but both reflect from inside about how we have been with ourselves.
This analogy is fantastic, and so real.
What affected me with this blog, especially the pictures Sandra, was the joy and playfulness in both of you, I just love it, gorgeous. Thank you for sharing.
…’this choice, to hold onto a hurt (and hide it), had a large influence on our relationship, on our way of living and therefore on our surroundings’ – You’ve exposed here Sandra how we are the ones who actually choose to hold onto our hurts, not address them and allow them to come in and affect our relationships, homes, work attitudes and so forth… It is our responsibility that if we do feel hurt by something or react, to be willing to look at the issue rather than avoid it.
Yeah that’s a big point Susie, to not run away from confrontations. They are in fact an offer to heal something and so to grow/expand. By facing our past choices we can learn from them – that is in fact the only wise way to deal with them. We have the tendency to judge us, get shamed or arrogant when we are faced with an ‘imperfection’ – but that will leave us where we are, get stuck. It is no meaningful development in here, just comfort. And a comfortable life is mostly very uncomfortable at the end, we get sick of our withdrawing/disconnection and our courtyards become messy ;). We are here to learn and to evolve, when we live against this truth we create mess.
I like what you said at the end of your blog – ‘The moment I withdrew from someone and/or life – I am in fact withdrawn from my natural way of being.’ This is something worth remembering. I have a tendency to think I can compartmentalize life, but I am realizing, and your blog makes it so clear, that there is ripple effect to everything that we do.
Great realization Debra. We can in fact not compartmentalize life, as we can not truly separate us from others. We are all connected to everything and everyone.
Reading your blog again this morning Sandra I am inspired to take a look at areas in my home that have been neglected. My garden is definitely in need of some attention and I am curious to explore the reasons behind it.
Great to hear Dabra! How lovely to become “curious to explore the reasons behind” … everything! 🙂 It is the start to take and enjoy the reflections we’ve got for what they are designed to support us: expansion.
When we bring a little attention and a little dose of love to any area in our home that has been neglected the impact is felt immediately in how amazing the room or areas feels afterwards.
Yes, every little act of love has a ripple effect. To be appreciated and enjoy!
The moment I withdrew from someone and/or life – I am in fact withdrawn from my natural way of being. And it has been so easy for me to withdraw from life and from people, but I can feel now how much I have given my power away as if I am not enough to deal with life and all it brings. Slowly and surely I have learned to trust in myself, trust my feelings and my impulses which has supported me to commit to life.
Since my first read of your great blog Sandra I have been looking closely at all the un-tended “courtyards” in not just my home, but in my life. It is amazing how we can stop, most of the time unintentionally, tending to a part of our lives, or our home; we just begin to accept the mess, or in fact we don’t even see it as it has become part of our daily landscape. I have begun to address one important “courtyard”, my wardrobe and my chest of drawers, and slowly but surely I am making my way through the process, discarding that which no longer serves, changing places where items of clothing are stored, and bit by bit I can feel not only the visual changes, but the changing of the energy which is beginning to feel so much lighter and brighter. I am loving “claiming back” many parts of my home, and also in the process I feel that I am also claiming back me.
We are who we are in truth and then we choose to collect and hold onto hurts. We hoard these hurts from lifetime to lifetime. We search for happiness whilst still clinging onto our hurts, not allowing ourselves to admit what we know, which is the only way to true freedom – to choose to put down our hurts.
Sandra what amazes me is that literally our every step can be hampered by hurts that are seemingly so hidden that we have no idea that they are there.
What a great before and after story, Sandra. I love the joy and creativity in this process of reclaiming your back yard, symbolic of your ability to move on and embrace every aspect of your life in full.
I really love how you just rolled your sleeves up and got on with the task at hand, very beautiful and inspiring for me, as I look at where I have been creating delay in order to avoid moving on.
We can hide our hurts but they are always there in our bodies and get reflected in other areas of our bodies and our lives. Our home is so reflective of how we live and what we are feeling. I can no longer stuff things into drawers and cupboards as it always brings up other things for me. When I clear out the cupboards it feels like I have had a clearing myself. Thank you for this revealing sharing, Sandra.
Clearing what is physically there to be cleared actually supports clearing the energy too. We try to focus on the physical only but do we truly say ‘well why do I resist doing something’ – there is much more at play here and Sandra it’s great that you read the energy and past hurt that had led to a disregard physically. So not only did you clear out the courtyard, but you moved on from an old pattern.
Sandra, I loved how you exposed how our hurts can manifest into a physical reality and I am realising more and more just how much my living space at home reflects back to me how I am choosing to live. With honest appraisal I can see the enormous gift this is.
“What I learned is, it needs some commitment and dedication to claim back what I’ve given up on for a while…” This is so true Sandra, first to actually become aware of what we have given up on, then where did we bury it, and then to commit to make a difference to it. Your court yard shows this just beautifully,
What this blog highlights is that we may believe that we can compartmentalise our lives and that one hurt does not affect or contribute in any way to other areas of our lives, but clearly everything is connected.
Yes good point, Julie. Compartmentalising the challenging bits of our lives never works as the tension it creates can be felt in the body and taints everything.
Thank you for this blog. It prompted me to reflect on the fact that it is our inherent essence to hold and relate to every aspect of life with love and with responsibility, which naturally brings an exquisite quality to every aspect of life. And there is no thing in life unworthy of that, so when we notice an area not blessed with such level of care and abundant grace, it is worth assessing what is going on in the way we are holding and relating to our life.
“The old place was given some love again and so it shows. We both, my husband and I, are enjoying very much our ‘new’ surrounding, which reflects our choice to open up again – to each other and the world – and we are looking forward to receive guests in real life and not only via Internet.” Love this Sandra, and what a mighty confirmation for you and your husband each time you walk into your courtyard – the commitment and dedication to claim back what you have given up on – how every area of our life offers such learning and growth both inwardly and outwardly.
When closing our eyes to one aspect of life, our eyes will be re-opened through another.
Ah, reflections, reflections, reflections…
Our surroundings do have an impact on how we feel, and how we feel impacts on what we choose for ourselves in the way we live. I moved from a house to an apartment earlier this year, and the process of downsizing was fantastic as I felt what I wanted to take, what I needed, what I loved, and getting rid of stuff felt great…and it was fun because I sold and gave things away to people who were so appreciative.
Loved re-reading this Sandra, it is such a simple example of how life reflects our inner workings – those we are not always willing to be aware of and how subtle but very damaging that can be.
Sandra, I love how you show that everything in life can be understood as symbolic and that it goes both ways; in other words, I can observe that my cupboards are congested and ask where my life feels clogged up and I can clear my cupboards out as a focus & commitment to clearing out the congestion in myself & my life. I have found this to work incredibly well.
This shows how much true guidance and support we really have if/when we are ready to receive it and take the steps.
Your blog really touched me Sandra, there is something very important here in learning that when we do hold onto a hurt (or a protective way) for longer than we need to, we are walking around with it (everywhere!) like a monkey on our back. I will visit this blog time and time again for I have learnt a great deal about myself through your experience and I thoroughly enjoyed the inspiration that comes from your choices to bring your courtyard back to life!
Claiming back our natural joy and way of being in life must be about the greatest offering we can make to not only ourselves but also humanity. Thanks for sharing all of you and your courtyard with us All, such a delight to feel.
A transformation yes and a blessing in your honest sharing. It feels like you have laid a quality of foundation for your relationship with yourself, your partner and beyond and one that is going to lovingly call for a consistent commitment… that is one of the gifts of nature (in your courtyard) it is always growing and changing.
Sandra, your blog is a lovely reminder of how much there is for us to learn, constantly, if we are prepared to open our hearts and have the awareness and honesty to recognise the truth of all that is being presented to us.
I have been noticing that taking care of my home is a constant refinement. What was ok a few months ago may not be ok today. As I become aware of things, I’m allowing the space to re-arrange, not as a chore, rather, time with me, an opportunity to lovingly change the configuration so that it feels more supportive.
Loving your expansion, creation of space and the free flow of Joy with us all.
That was beautiful Sandra – and this will inspire me to claim back my space in my house and re-connect to me and my body in the process.
Thank you Sandra for writing this blog about such an important subject as protection. I have also been noticing more recently that due to old hurts that I still carry from the past, there is a degree of protection I hang on to with everyone I meet. It is like a screen I carry around just in case, because I don’t feel completely safe. However I understand that this is holding many people responsible for my hurts, which also filters out the love and connection that is present and stops me noticing and appreciating that.
“What I learned is, it needs some commitment and dedication to claim back what I’ve given up on for a while…” Yes Agreed Sandra this is so true for so many things in life. Sometimes we think we can just step back into what we have given up on without thinking we have to do anything and everything will be fine, but this is not the case we have to re-build with commitment and dedication what we have neglected. I know I had withdrawn from life and it has taken a consistent daily commitment to rebuild what I had walked away from, but like the transformation of your beautiful courtyard, I have a vitality for life now that I never thought possible.
Thank you for sharing Sandra – it is amazing how much we can leave little areas of our lives thinking they are not important yet slowly they creep into other areas. Just like having an unkept backyard – slowly it will affect other areas of our life as well.
I love this Sandra. Once again nature reflecting back how we have been living. Clearing and cleaning an outside space, whether it is a courtyard or garden, is such a wonderful way to bring clarity back to our lives, and the beauty of the colours and scents on offer are a divine reflection of who we are.
Gorgeous, beautiful example of being open with the world “….reflects our choice to open up again – to each other and the world – and we are looking forward to receive guests….” And as you say it is a choice, we can all make. An inspiring article, the space we live in reflect so much about who we feel.
I love this beautiful photo of the two of you in your ‘garden’; it communicates the connection you share. I appreciate you inviting us into your unfolding experience.
Great blog Sandra, everything reflects something, and when we are open to looking a little deeper into what is before us with an openness and honesty we can truly begin to bring a greater understanding to what may be preventing us in moving forward. I love your new courtyard and beautiful surroundings. It feels very inviting.
What a simple practical reflection this is of how claiming back your courtyard to being able to welcome friends is also a reflection of how this is opening and expanding your love and shows how we need to be forever working at being the love that we are and not sit back and let the weeds grow burying what is there for us to share with everyone.
For me it is my desk. Every once in a while I spend some time cleaning everything up. The next step is to learn to do it continuously.
What a beautiful deepening and then expansion Sandra from living at a level that could not fully admit true intimacy because of the hidden hurt. The ‘guards’ we erect keep us floating around the planet in a superficial sort of way, imagining that we are living life, but what deception. The courtyard certainly looks really beautiful now! Such a celebration!
What a beautiful transformation Sandra, for you and your husband and for the courtyard; a lovely inspirational sharing, thank you;
“I realise how much we are made to connect and celebrate our connection. The moment I withdrew from someone and/or life – I am in fact withdrawn from my natural way of being.”
‘Our surroundings did reflect our way of being’ – It’s so important that we design and organise our homes, gardens, bedrooms, working spaces etc. to support how we’re going to be in that area. If not, we could end up having to fight or constantly ‘manage’ the space rather than feel like it effortlessly works WITH us.
Yesterday I went to the gym since not having gone a couple of weeks and while enjoy the exercise I realised I had also gone through the same thing as you are sharing here Sandra. I had made all kind of excuses to not go to the gym, like too busy, too tired it would take too much time, would be too noisy and not honouring etc. But what I realised is that it was a withdrawal from life and my care for myself. It is interesting that I thought it was honouring of me to not go but it was not honouring all of me and my expression and care of myself in the world. Now I am enjoying the renewed commitment as it is a commitment to me and being me in the world.
Leaving hurts unaddressed is like giving permission to thieves to have entry to your body in order to keep stealing energy and vitality = this leads to exhaustion and wanting to ‘give up’ as new choices and living life to the full appears to be in ‘the too difficult’ category to deal with.
wow… The extraordinary power of claiming something back… And just with a wave of your hand all those flowers and plants burst into bloom… Simply amazing ☺
The protection and hurts that we can hold onto are debilitating how we naturally are. The amount of energy and force to keep ourselves ‘safe’ but actually in doing so we are totally contracting away from who we are hence we constantly seeking some form of comfort and support outside of us.
Great sharing Sandra, and a learning for us all. When we hold on to hurts they can slowly get in the way of our own relationships, as we allow ourselves to build up a protection in order not to feel the hurt, we withdraw from the openness of our true relationship. Very beautiful how you claimed back your courtyard and your relationships.
The lightness you share Sandra in resolving issues and what I see in the photo of your’s in the blog is a power-full reminder to me that I do not have to see change and letting go of issues and hurts as inevitably painful. It is a clear marker for me to take into my next house project and that it is not just about the house – in fact the way I go about the work is very healing on many levels and moving forward is also clearing backward.
I am always amazed by how we can ‘think’ we have dealt with an issue or hurt but have simply buried or ignored it. We seem to be masters of this, which is probably why our relationships at home and at work are not doing so well. There is a mass of hurts in most of us, getting in the way of us really connecting with ourselves, and each other. How brilliant that there are counselors who can read what we have hidden from ourselves and support us to bring back being honest, and opening up again.
It was great to read about such a practical way that our home and surrounds reflect how open we are being in life and with other people. The courtyard is a place to relax, to share time with others and enjoy being outside in nature. I also have areas that I sometimes feel I am too busy to use. They are like a low point in an otherwise cared for home.
Isn’t it amazing how we can have these little piles of discord and disharmony in our life, and then become quite adept at navigating around them, turning a blind eye and pretending that we don’t care. We think we are not affected at all till one day we see for real what a true mess that is there. But how cool when we do, that we can easily and simply heal this with an open heart and willingness to ‘go there’. Your story and the way you embraced this inspires me to heal my own places of disharmony and neglect Sandra and your husband too.
Each drawer, each corner of my desk, even folders on my computer – having withdrawn from an aspect of life immediately gets reflected in these worldly things. How amazing to be able to work on order and in the meantime connect back to life.
Our home and the way we live reflects so much back to us as you have shared Sandra. I love Serge Benhayon’s teachings on symbolism, where he actually presents about different aspects of our homes and what they reflect back to us.
Such a gorgeous sharing Sandra and what a welcoming, lovely court yard…a reflection of you opening up is felt. When we close ourselves off to others, even one person, they miss out on what we bring and who we are and when we shut others out, we miss out on what they bring. We all experience hurt and its like a knee jerk reaction where we immediately set up protection. If we brought more understanding to ourselves and each other, hurt would not dominate our lives, its hurts that end up controlling our lives, limiting us. We are so much more, we are full of love if allowed to be lived.
Enjoyed the journey with you Sandra… and yes reflections are all around us if we just take a moment to look at them and choose to be aware that they are everywhere… including the back garden!
I love looking at your self-portrait Michael and Sandra. It is so joyful that it radiates out, sharing your joy with the world. Thank you.
What I love about this blog is the commitment to uncovering the truth of the neglected courtyard and claiming it back as a space of service and joy! The photo now just radiates of loving attention and playfulness.
“The moment I withdrew from someone and/or life – I am in fact withdrawn from my natural way of being.” I love what you have shared Sandra as to withdraw is really bad medicine so to speak and as we look at our society there is a lot to withdraw hence our world is lacking a true connection. Therefore your amazing blog showed that there is another way and that claiming back whatever we have withdrawn from is the best medicine ever.
What i love about your sharing is that the courtyard was not just dirty or a bit run down, but was actually a reflection. When we see these reflections and act on them, its amazing the changes we can make.
I totally agree, Rebecca, the impact of acknowledging and responding to the reflections we receive every day is incredible. Often very simple and practical too: clearing out a cupboard/drawer/vegetable patch…
“Now, by dealing with these hurts and therefore letting down the shields again, I saw things more clearly and the thoughts about my courtyard did change. I wanted to sit outside again; I wanted it to be a beautiful place…” – Sandra this is wonderful and just shows the joy and freeness when there is the strength and willingness of ourselves to deal with our hurts; that it’s really worth it and feels so great in the body when this does happen. Because it instigates a movement towards ‘space’, as opposed a movement back in compacted protection towards stalemate.
I am inspired. Deeply so.
Thank You Sandra.
How do we support ourselves in these ways? Do we have our house clean, clear and fresh ready for the week or what lies ahead? If you drive your car everyday, how is it kept? Clean and ready to go or does it hold things in it from the day or the week before. If in each moment what you put into it comes back to you then it’s not a judgement on clean houses or clean cars it’s about how it feels and what you see as supportive for you. For me I know if I have a clean car it seems to run better and it absolutely feels better. The courtyard here is the same, what impact does this space have on the rest of the house? If you walk through it how do you feel? I know in my house if there is a part that isn’t clean or clear and is full of rubbish then it actually does effect me and the rest of the house. I am having a clean out at home to and while it isn’t a once a year thing it is definitely needed and has been for some time. It’s not that the house is dirty but for me I can see things that need doing. I can put them off which leads to them being in my thoughts or getting bigger or I can honour/listen to that feeling and go to it. More and more when I feel these things I am using them as a map in life, in other words listening to my feeling no matter how small and then just going from point to point.
Your blog had me pondering on my house exterior and what it has been reflecting to me. It gave me a gentle reminder that everything is everything, and that we are reflected to all the time is we are willing to see.
Sandra, your blog is also very powerful in reminding us all that when we don’t completely deal with our hurts, then they remain to affect us on some level, festering in the background preventing us from really moving on fully. It is about pulling it all out so to speak – allowing ourselves the honesty of really feeling how things are and then having the willingness to explore why there is such a rift between how we could be and how we are (in terms of closeness in a relationship for example). These sorts of reflections are important on-goingly as things can slide into the background and be apparently forgotten, until they grow and become big and then no longer can be ignored. This is the way we grow and evolve, and though it is not always pretty nor always easy, it is always worth it, for we get to really feel the depth of relationship, warmth and connection with self and others.
Dealing with our hurts, does allow us to see things more clearly. It is interesting how time and time again I will experience things to seem difficult or complicated or too hard when I am caught up in my hurts, but then when I stop to feel things and deal with them it is like things shift so much that suddenly what appeared difficult is suddenly easy, or what I thought I had no time for, I suddenly have time for. Amazing how our perspective can change so quickly when we allow ourselves the honesty of dealing with things. Thank you Sandra!
Thank you Sandra for exposing – even one hurt left hidden causes something rather like a tidal wave or lack of commitment and how one small pocket affects everything in our life and the all.
one of my favourite quotes of Serge is “everything is everything and nothing is nothing”… reflections are all around us if we choose to open ourselves to them
It is a great point you are making Sandra, that hurts can hide well. How honest are we willing to be when we check in with ourselves?
So true, the level of honesty we are willing to go to is truly reflected in our lives in every area, all we have to do is look at it and truly see…
What a transformation Sandra on many levels.. your words and courtyard now shine.
It is lovely to reclaim a garden area that has been neglected – in 2011 I bought a house that had been neglected both inside and out. It was lovely to have the inside renovated and gradually I discovered what was in the garden and over a few years had that all renovated too – I was rewarded by an annual burst of flowers that was a delight to return home to every day, the garden was responding to my tender care. Our bodies do the same.
fascinating what you have shared Sandra, how every little thing we neglect in our life can indicate a greater deeper neglect as the microcosm reflects the macroscosm. If we approached our lives this way as you have so beautifully and willingly done, there is everything that is present for us here in the everyday waiting for us to acknowledge and become aware of, and with that the opportunity to learn and grow, even down to my missing iphone 🙂
I love this realisation as an example that every choice has an effect – or as you joyfully and honestly share here – consequences… “What I learned is, it needs some commitment and dedication to claim back what I’ve given up on for a while”
This is a great blog reminding us what Serge Benhayon said in that “everything is everything”. There is not one part of our life that does not directly impact the other.
The level of withdrawal from life, from people is immense; with every step out of the withdrawal back towards life we realize how deep we have been in it, unaware as it seemed normal or the right way to deal with life or everyone around us doing it similarly. It doesn´t matter in which area of life we are ‘claiming back our courtyard’, it is always a part of the one life as there are no departments in regard to commitment and presence.
I love this Alex – great way of putting the finger on it – “…a part of the one life as there are no departments in regard to commitment and presence.”
When my mother passed over recently I got to see and feel the layers of protection that I was still carrying in that relationship. This was not a huge surprise to me – I knew they were there. But what did blow me away was to feel how the protection in that relationship, was playing out in all my relationships. What I saw is that you can’t turn the volume up or down depending on each relationship – if I am holding back in one, I am holding back in all. This has been huge for me and the dropping of that protection has opened my heart to so so much more. It’s been a huge revelation and something that I am continuing to work on and allow.
Miike – I adore your pink glasses!! They are the absolute best – and they match the flowers behind you – spectacular.
What a great transformation Sandra, and I’m sure you will get many hours of enjoyment out of your reclaimed courtyard. It’s always so satisfying when we clean up our act like that. Reading this blog really made me look at areas of my life and house and garden that maybe need a little more love, harmony and attention.
It’s so beautifull that we can come to a point where we feel that there needs to be a change, be it in our courtyard, home or in our lives. Up until that point we felt it was ok but then we grow perhaps and things around us need to change to support us going forward in life.
This morning I was struck by how untidy and, to be honest, dirty, my cutlery draw was looking. I started clearing out one area and before I knew it, I had completely cleaned and ordered the whole draw. I felt so much pleasure afterwards from following through on my impulse to address the lack of love, and reading your article now, I realise that this little drawer was offering me a beautiful reflection of the disregard that is also in other areas of my life. Thank you, Sandra.
Thank you for your gorgeous and very joy-full article, Sandra. My husband and I have been going through our house, room by room, throwing out all the things that have been left to stay when they should have been tossed years ago. It feels so supportive to clear out what no longer belongs and does not support and the process of doing this together, a little each weekend, is something I really look forward to and enjoy. It feels like we’re clearing out the cobwebs from our home, and our foundation together as a couple.
There is nothing more I enjoy than the process of clearing out after having gone through changes in myself – bringing the space around me up to speed with where I am in myself.
Claiming back the courtyard aka claiming back your own love Sandra – your expression in the photo says it all! ha ha : )
After reading this I can see how easy it is to say oh that’s like that because there’s not the time to get around to sorting it out, whatever it is; and live a life where it’s tempting to discount that areas ever growing call for attention. I know I’ve been meaning to decorate my house but have never gotten around to it yet. Your writing’s asking me, what is being reflected here? and to go deeper with it than any seemingly reasonable explanation. There is more going on than meets the eye, a level of delay that’s creating a real stagnation.
‘I remembered myself having thoughts like “Outside there are too many insects that disturb me” and “I need someone to clear this mess, but who?” or “I am too busy and have no time for this.” I could see how these thoughts did support a choice I have made: the choice to withdraw from life.’ Our thoughts will always reflect that which we have already chosen… it’s amazing how quickly and simply you were able to bring light to the situation and turn it around once you made the choice to address it.
This is a great analogy to share Sandra… our homes and our gardens are amazing reflections of how we choose to live, and what is going on in our lives. It is very exposing for me as I look around my home now and can see and feel many areas that need personal review and attention!
Your new courtyard looks and feels loved and so very open for visitors – gorgeous to see and feel the difference loving care makes 🙂
Hi Sandra, I really loved your sharing, it reminded me that sometime ago I was withdrawing from my garden feeling overwhelmed and not wanting to go outside. I have since found a new level of responsibility and claimed back my garden, not just to look at it as work but enjoy its offerings to me. I have started to find the magic of God in my garden and I look forward to sharing this with friends. The expression on your face in the photo made me laugh, thank you.
Every part of our home is held within our body. If we ignore one area or room, it can be felt in our overall being. This was confirmed again for me on the weekend, when I took the opportunity to clean the garage and the laundry in which had been somewhat not attended to for quite a while. The feeling upon completing this task was one of expansion and lightness within my body.
An area of physical neglect is a great indicator that there is something for us to work on and the change in ourselves, when we deal with the area, can be quite amazing.
To hide our hurts rather than bringing them out in the open and deal with them, is a classic. I have chosen this pattern numerous times in my life, for all sorts of reasons – I was too ashamed, too proud, too worried about what other people was thinking of me… the list goes on. Today I know that whenever I attempt to hide my hurts, they will eventually manifest as disharmony, if not an illness in my body.
Sandra, I enjoy coming back to this article, there is so much in here to ponder on, this stands out for me today, ‘a hurt left over so to speak, and with that the trying to protect ourselves that is now what continues to stand between us both.’ this is very interesting, I can feel how this is probably common, that there are undealt with hurts in relationships that cause a rift and that we are not always aware that it is there, it is great that you took action and saw a couples counsellor who was able to support you both.
I love that you are demonstrating that no part of our life can go unkempt, shelved, or put to the side without effect, for every aspect of our lives, as with our homes, has an effect on the overall flow of our expression and connection with others and how we live life as a whole.
‘And our surroundings did reflect our way of being’ – can’t hide from this once we accept that our livingness is communicating to us all the time. Thank you Sandra for your honesty and reflection.
The second blog today I have read about hurts and in between these readings listening to a conversation about joy and how when we go into seriousness we step away from joy. I definitely can feel there is something for me to feel and heal here and can feel this around my liver and right ovary. Thank you for sharing. I would love to hear the journey of how you and your husband practically healed these hurts. I also love what you have shared here ‘What I learned is, it needs some commitment and dedication to claim back what I’ve given up on for a while…’ a great reminder for me that sometimes it takes consistency, dedication, commitment and a bit of time in order to heal.
I love your photo at the top of the article…the joy is gorgeous!
Wow this is powerful what you share Sandra, how when we leave old hurts and bury them that they totally mold us to be a person that is not who we are truly. The walls of protection can create such distance and stop us from having intimate relationships with each other. So cool that you and your partner realised that you could do with some support with your relationship and break through such ingrained behaviours.
Wow, reading this and seeing the joy of the courtyard now, I want to come and visit and share the joy with you! Which is just what you’re sharing here Sandra – opening up your home, that is your heart, even more to everyone, and letting us all in to celebrate the joy you live now everyday.
When we pretend to ignore issues we don’t wish to deal with we all have a secret garden that goes to seed. You could have a large garden that looks well maintained, except for that hidden bits that no one sees or that empty window box and it can even be that plant in a pot that has become root bound. These are all reflections of our un-dealt with hurts we sweep under the carpet that grow and never go away.
Thank you Sandra, a great blog. I can feel an area of life that I have withdrawn from, and yes, it is affecting other areas. I had not realised how much until I began to read this this morning. I have been very tired recently and can see how I have allowed an energy drain. Certainly clearing neglected areas and keeping them clear takes dedication but it restores so much to us and I can see how every area is asking for our attention all the time, nothing to be left out. And finding support to let go of those hurts is super essential.
Love the pictures and love this article, it shows how every movement and every moment affect everything else. Our world is but a constant reflection if we just choose to see it.
Love the pictures and love this article, it shows how every movement and every moment effect everything else. Our world is but a constant reflection if we just choose to see it.
“The moment I withdrew from someone and/or life – I am in fact withdrawn from my natural way of being…” this is so true, and, I have experienced it also works the other way… the moment we withdraw from our natural way of being, we disconnect and withdraw from others…
Your insight and willingness to connect the hurt you hold with the wedge in your relationship AND then you share it with the world is a gift to humanity Sandra. It is out there and it is a message that will support many. I for one have been inspired to ponder more deeply, hurts in my relationships after reading your blog. Thank you.
‘What I learned is, it needs some commitment and dedication to claim back what I’ve given up on for a while…’ I really appreciate this line as it holds so much love, dedication, commitment and acceptance that’s simply part of reclaiming what was once given up on.
I feel this too Karin, this reclaiming of what has been given up on for a while; it is a very lovely way of expressing what has been neglected and with loving care such an abundance of joy can be revealed.
‘This little hurt did hide quite well between our everyday living challenges and caused a maintenance of protection which was in fact called to deal with. But hidden as it was, we did not deal with it. So, hidden it stayed and we went on…’ we are highly skilled at hiding, numbing, or doing a number of things to avoid looking at and especially feeling our hurts when in actual fact in doing so we only bury and compound the issues further leading to our own disease.
I really can get a sense of my own arrogance at thinking that it can be done, I can withdraw and cut off from commitment and still believe that my life is fine and loving. When really, it is not possible to do this, because love and commitment go hand in hand. Thank you Sandra for a beautiful blog.
I love how the space around us, of our homes and offices or places of work can reflect to us and affect us – you can see the care or lack there of in how the space is left, and I know for me it’s so much harder to sleep in my room when it is messy verses when it is tidy.
I love this picture, Sandra, of you and your husband clearly having a lovely time in your well tended courtyard. I can really feel the joy in what you have turned around here.
“What I learned is, it needs some commitment and dedication to claim back what I’ve given up on for a while…” such wise words Sandra. When ever we let anything slide for a length of time, it always takes much longer to get things back to a point where everything can flow again. The more we simplify our lives, the easier this becomes as nothing takes as long to do. I love the analogy of your courtyard, and what a truly beautiful and welcoming space you have made, for you, your partner and all those who come to visit.
Sandra this has inspired me to understand that every unwillingness to commit to life holds a hurt that has to be dealt with and not tucked away somewhere, I cannot wait to recommit and recommit again to more and more fullness in life, as the natural way of being us is simply too precious.
They say a picture says a thousand words and yours reflects an abundance of JOY – a well earned fruit of your willingness to look under ‘the carpet’ and sweep it clean.
‘Now, by dealing with these hurts and therefore letting down the shields again, I saw things more clearly and the thoughts about my courtyard did change.’ – It never ceases to amaze me how much each and everything we do affectes everything and everyone else equally. Understanding this, is life changing and something that should be standard education in every home and at every school.
Loved reading this and how you discovered an unresolved hurt. It just goes to show how these seemingly little trivial things play out in our lives and cause disharmony in all areas of our lives. Great that you have claimed back your courtyard and judging by the photographs it looks like a very supportive space to have.
Hello Sandra and great to see you cleaned up your act or your courtyard. It’s amazing the excuses we make, the reasons we find and the avoidance we have when it comes to something we feel to do. As you are saying the ripple effect of this is huge. The process goes we get hurt by something, anything from changing how we naturally are. Yes we change and then we get hurt, it’s not hurt and then change. It’s like the courtyard, you didn’t just turn you back one day and it was like it was. There was a choice over time and then the space reflected your care or lack of it in this area. We make a choice and then the reflection of that choice is with us, always. It will always come back to us and as we know the ripple effect that goes out, doesn’t just go one way, it goes every way. So whatever you put out we should always hold the understanding it’s coming back in some way, rippling back. If we don’t like what we see then the choice is simple change the ripple effect we are having and then watch the ripple change with you.
I love that, Ray – “change the ripple effect we are having and then watch the ripple change with you.” And how easily things can turn around once we re-orientate ourselves back to truth.
That’s great Janet. Yes a simple choice with greater awareness and responsibility can shift what earlier would have seemed like a mountain.
This is an awesome analogy of how, ‘cleaning up’ in one area of our lives can have such an emphatic impact on other areas, or conversely how, if we don’t clean it up, the negative impact that ensues. It just goes to show that everything and everyone is so closely inter-related ensuring that everything we do affects someone else. “Claiming back the courtyard” needs not just to be something that we do once and forget it, but something we commit to do often.
I was recently sweeping and clearing away the leaves and cobwebs from my front patio and back deck and was appreciating what this was reflecting. These seemingly small choices do have a big impact on our body and therefore the quality we can share with everyone.
That is something I have been wanting to do for a while too and every time I look at it I say yes needs to be done. Thanks for the timely reminder and I will get onto it and just clear it so that plants and flowers that are there enjoy the lovely space too.
Hurts are emotions we often indulge in rather then do a deeper reading on the event or situation.
Having a messy or untidy room or area of the house can be ignored for days, months or even years, and until you ‘claim it back’ and arrange the space in a way that’s supportive you don’t realise how awesome that space can be!
So true and when we clear it up all of a sudden there is more space where we may have thought we didn’t have any space to place anything. I am finding that with cupboards where I have just stuffed things that didn’t have room anywhere else, only to discover I don’t need all that stuff at all and now space is opening up again.
How desperately we at times try to find a solution for a problem while being completely swallowed by the problem and so focused on only the one thing that we do not even consider the possibility that the actual cause may be somewhere else, a different area of our life or way in the past and not just recent. Understanding ourselves a being part of a bigger whole and life as being one life, not separated departments opens a different view on everything and for sure we then can approach problems or issues much more holistic.
Another thing I love about this is how intimate the whole thing feels, I just want to come over and have a party in your court yard, it just feels so lovely, thanks for sharing this snippet of your life.
Love this. Everything is everything and I am constantly amazed at how what I may do in one area of my life has ripple effects across the whole. I want to come and relax in your courtyard!
Hello Otto and isn’t it the same for us all. Not only wanting “to come and relax in your courtyard!” but “constantly amazed at how what I may do in one area of my life has ripple effects across the whole.” Just like this comment, I didn’t even write it, just copied and pasted yours. Not that I can’t type or anything like that but because your ripple is my ripple, our perceived ripples we create are just one big one that we all receive. Nothing we do is in isolation to anything else, no matter how many closed doors (Maxwell Smart style) you try and hide behind. We all feel it all the time so let’s not argue this school yard fact but more look at what we are putting out there for everyone. Thanks Otto, great to chat.
Sandra a great sharing that shows everything matters, by taking care of each part of your home this has a far wider ripple effect. There are parts of my life that I choose not to look at, yet these parts drag down the whole of my life, what if I changed that? what if I looked at all parts. Likewise if we feel hurt by something perhaps we live in a way that keeps us from having to deal with that hurt? Much to reflect on and all from a clean courtyard.
What a great analogy! It is true of any room inside our home (or outside as is the case here.) Neglect of something within will, eventually, manifest in the outer world. That’s just how it works. By tending to the one, we tend to the other. Thanks for sharing your story, Sandra.
And our surroundings did reflect our way of being…. Pure Gold!
The love and joy you have brought back into both your lives from digging a bit deeper and revealing that something that had happened in the past had been holding you both back from moving on is beautiful to see Sandra, . The joy in your photo shows just how much we can change by releasing our buried hurts.
Sometimes we might think that it ‘does not matter’ to have a messy courtyard or messy drawer for instance because it is about the quality that we live each day but these things do have an impact on how we feel in day to day life and thus our quality. Seeing the messy courtyard or drawer will every time be a tension which holds us back from being free and joyful in full in life. Putting time and commitment into this is therefor worth doing. Feels like to relate to how the whole world is as well. We might have a great life but seeing others not having a great life will always be a tension and something to look at and put commitment into changing.
Sandra, I love reading this article, this really stands out for me, ‘my husband and I, are enjoying very much our ‘new’ surrounding, which reflects our choice to open up again – to each other and the world – and we are looking forward to receive guests in real life’. Yesterday myself and my family went to buy a sofa that we have needed for nearly a year and a half, we put aside the day before to search online for sofas for sale and make the commitment that we were going to buy one and not keep putting it off like we have previously, after making this commitment the whole process was easy and the sofa was delivered the same day. We looked at it and it feels amazing to have claimed back this space, and to be making it feel lovely and to now be able to welcome guests to also enjoy it, I can feel how our coming together and making a commitment to buying the sofa has felt like a commitment to each other and to being together, it felt very loving and harmonious.
It is empowering to read about someone who takes courage to change things instead of accepting a decrease of quality and silently suffering it.
“The moment I withdrew from someone and/or life – I am in fact withdrawn from my natural way of being.” This sentence says so much of how we are with ourselves, determines how we experience the world and therefore it is us and our choices that are responsible for our life and not the external world that determines our life for us.
I love that you made the link between the courtyard and a buried hurt, it reminds me to ask what is behind the disorder I have in areas of my life and why these areas are like that rather telling myself it is because of a lack of time or some other convenient excuse.
Beautiful sharing Sandra that when we neglect to care for the space we live in this is a reflection of the fact that we are ignoring feeling what it is that has caused us to hold back on bringing love into all areas of our life.
A wonderful and inspiring blog to read… Claiming back part of our house, by the way of cleaning up, and preparing the space to be able to use, is a great reflection of claiming back and expanding that relationship we have within ourselves
Great story, thank you. Just goes to show that nothing happens in isolation and that everything is there to reflect to us what might need attending to. Mhmm, makes me wonder about my small garden – it could certainly do with some TLC; let’s see how my housemates feel about it and what we can learn from it …
In days gone by courtiers attended a monarch’s or nobleman’s court to pay homage, do business, network, plot, attend feast days and the like. When I read this blog I felt your refurbishment of your courtyard, in addition to healing something for you personally, has also re-imprinted the meaning of ‘courtyard’, restoring it to signify a place of grace where people can gather harmoniously and lovingly as true courtiers. Paying court to each other, perhaps even ‘courting’ each other – a form of true romance than can be shared not only with a particular love interest, but with all. Or with the individual of your choosing of course!
“I was looking at this reflection in my life and realised how much my husband and I had withdrawn from here…” how very poignant Sandra and courtyard aside, such realisation applies to every single room in our house, even our work desk/workplace area…everything is a reflection of how we live life and our relationship with life, with ourselves and others – either withdrawn and without care – or committed and with love.
Once again a powerful read on how everything is connected and there that is always room to bring more and be more in our lives when we let go of the hurt and move on to the quality of living that we know can bring us joy.
What a beautiful experience. I can relate to my own garden. I’ve recently being much more honest why my garden didn’t get attention. And as I’ve allowed support in for my garden, opened up I can feel that by taking more responsibility in this part of my life, all other aspects of my life are actually growing as well. What I’ve learnt and am still learning is how everything is related to another. There’s not one part yes, another part no. Everything effects everything. How beautiful to learn to understand what responsibility actually is. And how lovely it actually is to take responsibility. For example, I actually love to be seen much more, where as before I was hiding pretty much all of the time. Being me appears to be very joyful and natural…
I love this – everything has an effect on the way we are with ourselves and that reflects out into our environment. It reminds me of the cleansing feeling that happens when on a ‘detox’ of some sort and making it more than the food you are eating. Like cleaning out the pantry, fridge and freezer and doing other decluttering activities. Cleansing the home and clearing the body – all in one and one in the same.
I have found that landscape gardening gives me such an amazing learning from all I have to do in our garden. The reflection that I get from the garden is a parallel for what is happening in the rest of my life. Both my garden and life are such a glorious part of my expression when I give them the space to do the things that are simply required. Thank you presenting your loving courtyard Sandra and Michael. I will now always feel my work in the garden in a new light.
I love the photos too, but most of all the one of you and your husband being very playful and free from the hurts of protection you were carrying, so gorgeous to feel.
It’s an ongoing attention to detail, it just doesn’t stop with one area and walking away, it’s a constant, as everything is evolving and that brings in a new energy, and it’s time to imprint with this new level of awareness. I love the feeling when I move things around, it may only be a minimal shift but it removes stagnation and allows a flow of energy.
It is beautiful to feel how your willingness to open up again is reflected in your courtyard and the joy-full photos you have shared here.
A lovely reminder that no part of our life can be considered irrelevant and be “swept under the carpet” (or hidden outside in the courtyard). Everything matters and lovingly offers us a reflection.
Our hurts, and our choice to hold onto them, have devastating effects on humanity. Congratulaions to you and your partner for having the willingness to heal them and offer a blessing to humanity by doing so. You are showing to the world it is possible to do that and bring more of you to the world.
Beautiful to read your blog again. I feel the fun, joyfulness in you claiming back your courtyard. It is amazing what we can create when we apply love, commitment and consistency. Your honesty and openness is very inspiring, showing us what is possible when we choose to let go of our hurts.
Sandra, this is a beautiful analogy and one that we can all take home and be inspired by. For most of us we hold some level of hurt and hence we hold back in relationships – and this does affect us on all levels. I love how you have been open to exploring this and then healing it. Sometimes these hurts can take longer to uncover, but this matters not for so long as the hurt is eventually uncovered and healed, it means our lives are that much more free and true. Thank you Sandra for your gorgeous expression, your love of life that is inspiring and your openness and honesty.
A great example on the fact that whatever goes on outside is a reflection of what is happening on the inside.
Very cool Sandra. Everything is everything, so it makes perfect sense that your neglect of your courtyard was a reflection of some level of neglect going on within yourself. This has made me consider the areas in my place that need some attention!!
Beautiful courtyard! I love these examples of how when we are holding onto something within us it is reflected in our living space so clearly. So, next time I see a mess in my home I will stop to ponder on what it is that I am holding onto within me?
This is awesome sharing Sandra and I can see it has had an enormous effect on you and it certainly inspires me to look at area’s in my life that I have left un-claimed. It is too easy to dismiss and push aside things but what a difference it makes when we step out of our comfort and be open to all possibilities and what they can offer. Super cool, thank you.
I recently totally changed my room – new furniture and colors, feeling that the space didn’t support me at all and since making the change and claiming the room as my own, as my space, my entire attitude towards myself and taking care of myself before bed has changed.
Sounds amazing, Rebecca. I can feel what a difference bringing a new level of care has made for you – I too have upgraded my decor recently and feel super joyful every time I look at my new funky wallpaper as a celebration of me.
Love this Sandra. everything in our lives and in our day impacts on everything else, and everyone else, and if we lived holding this understanding, how differently would we live.. time to start clearing out those cupboards!
Amazing Sandra, thank you for sharing this. We think, oh it’s just the courtyard, garage or spare room and justify why it’s ok for it to be a mess, neglected or not used but by doing this we are ignoring something that needs looking at in our lives. I love what you’ve shared here and very much appreciate it.
I can relate to having withdrawn from life after being hurt from an experience. I am still uncovering many areas where this has been reflected. Over the weekend I noticed that how I dressed and the clothes I wear had become a bit drab and I was no longer bringing the attention and care I had to these. I ended up clearing out my wardrobe and getting rid of what didn’t support me. Feels like there is still a few more clear outs of this to go- bit by bit.
How light and playful life can be when we open up to Love and allow ourselves to feel that everything we choose has an effect on everything and everyone. You have made this very clear and it is a joy to read your process and I love the pictures of the gorgeousness of the courtyard and you two in there. Thank you for sharing!
What a beautiful sharing Sandra. I loved your analogy to commitment on life and what kind of dedication it needs, when we have given up something for a while.
You are so true Sandra, and the joy in which you write gives away that there is a lot there to share and for people to enjoy about you. Funny how everything around us does reflect just about everything about us if we are willing to see it. We could also be stubborn and hide from it but that is a much too boring story, so let’s celebrate the fact that you grabbed the bull by its horns and dealt with it.
A great example of all the messages and support that is always available if we choose to listen. So much appreciation to Simple Living Global and Universal Medicine for supporting me to be more open to receiving all the support that is there waiting for me.
“… it needs some commitment and dedication to claim back what I’ve given up on…” – great call everyone will be able to relate to. To really understand how claiming back works and what is necessary to do so is crucial for knowing how to overcome the giving-up state that otherwise only feeds the same repetitive and ingrained reasons why it makes no sense to even try changing anything. Well done and well shared for the sake of everyone.
Very true and strong point to realize Alex, that we by ‘giving up’ only feed the same energy which brought us there in the first place – so it does increase our suffering, not avoiding it.
All the ways that we have withdrawn are equally opportunities to reconnect and commit to life. What a great last line, ‘The moment I withdrew from someone and/or life – I am in fact withdrawn from my natural way of being.’ We can never withdraw from someone or life without feeling it deeply as it is ourselves that we are withdrawing from first.
I love that you used your relationship with your courtyard to deepen your relationship with yourself and everyone and everything around you. You were open to feel, learn from and deepen this relationship. It has made me think about the areas where I’m being asked to be more of me and claim back myself and there are many areas. But rather than be daunted, I can be understanding – that commitment and dedication are needed- and that it is a case of claiming back what is there to be claimed back- just like your courtyard. There is no need to invent, or make anew, it is a claiming back of what is already there.
Yeay. It is to clear the mess that blocks the view of the beauty which IS there.
Beautiful sharing Sandra. I love this description of your reclaiming your love, your relationship and your courtyard back from an old hurt. The top photo is a declaration of pure joy!
Commitment and dedication to love can clear everything and highlights every little corner and stone hidden or buried to be uncovered as you share so beautifully. How we live in every detail making all the difference to the love and harmony we allow in our relationships with ourselves our partner and with others. What a beautiful space you have uncovered for your selves with so much depth and very inspiring.
Everything is everything and nothing is nothing.
I have recently been tackling an area in my home that was reflecting disregard – my deck and small garden, so this article is very timely, and encourages me to look more deeply into why I have chosen to withdraw from life in this area. It feels so much better to be working through the situation rather than avoiding dealing with it.
Anne this is wonderful to hear and confirms to me that there are so many things that we all go through as a part of our growth and hence sharing our experiences can benefit another immensely as well as inspire us to continue with dealing with our issues. So often I too come across blogs that have a perfect timing – perhaps it is the blog content and topic that support me so much, or other times it is the presence of the person sharing the blog that brings an ingredient of some kind (a quality of that person) that is there to prompt me and support me in some way. What a blessing to have these amazing sites to read articles and get inspired. And how equally beautiful and powerful to read these comments that grow an already amazing blog and what it offers more that we could have fathomed.
It is great how you bring your life into a greater context, which shows that we can make all these great choices in so many aspects of our lives but if we ignore one little area this will impact on everything else, which then leaves us wondering what we are doing wrong, but mostly it is because we are looking for the cause in the wrong places.
Very much so Judith. As I could have judge myself as lazy because of my messy courtyard and bring in some force to get it done. But this would not change the energy which caused the mess in the first place. So the reflection would have to come from another ankle again…as the reflection does always come. It has to. That’s how this world is designed. That’s love. So, when I choose to not understand, I will not just bring in delay for the clearing but also be responsible therefor a repeated reminder/reflection and this can go on and on, while I feel ‘cursed by blind fate’. Disempowered. All because of my choices. Because in truth we are powerful.
It is beautiful to share this experience, courtyard, hurts, foundations, love, openness, social media, learning, so much in it. It is great to consider what hurts remain that impact on our current experience and expression of life.
Yes. We are made to evolve. And when we choose to remain because of a hurt – the weeds will take over.
Yes Jane. And it shows that the true way of being is beautiful and full of grace. Every mess we live in on this planet is a disgrace, in fact it is an act against divinity.
What I learned here Monica is that life is designed out of pure and true love. All is connected and so reflecting me my choices and way of living and so, support me to learn and unfold. I am held in love all of the time – I do not have to ‘bring love’ or ‘make it right’, just to surrender to what is there already. In me and around me.
Reading your lovely blog Sandra I am reminded that we can let things slide or creep into any relationship, including the one with ourselves, and this can be a gradual almost unnoticeable degradation if we are not careful. It is not like the love goes away it just gets covered up with other stuff like hurts. The foundation of your courtyard was still there, just as it was in your relationships, it just takes that commitment to clear off the scum that is preventing the full beauty of the relationship to be seen and felt in full.
A beautiful, shared analogy that is so clearly shown in the beauty of which can be seen in the photograph of the courtyard.
What a wonderful energetic and literal clearing for you both – and a relatable and real reminder of how holding onto a hurt, and thus protection, is reflected to us in our day to day lives in very real ways. It’s a lovely and inspiring story that has made me consider where in my life is my overgrown and untidy courtyard. Not only will your courtyard look amazing, it will actually feel that way too based on the choices you have both made to make it what you are.
I love this story. I love the honesty in which you talk about you and your husband and your relationship. The honesty about your house and the incredible awareness you have about the two and how they are related. And I really love the courtyard….I can feel the love and expansion and how it is much more than cleaning up and buying some new furniture. Enjoy being with you, your partner and in your courtyard.
I love the symbology of you claiming back the yard, and claiming back essentially your lives and your commitment to people. It’s amazing how if we disregard an area of our lives it is reflected elsewhere for us.
Claiming back your courtyard or kitchen or living/bed room, whatever area needs claiming back is just the same as claiming back the love we have withdrawn from. What a huge difference in the after photo of the court yard but also the absolute joy and happiness captured in the photo of both of you enjoying and expressing more of who you are. Inspiring and gorgeous to feel!
The joy of all this is acknowledging the moment within ourselves when a block clears and we are given the energy to move forward and complete something we’ve been avoiding or delaying for sometime.
Thank you for showing how holding onto hurts can affect us in areas of our lives we would not consider. What I love is once you related the hurt you had both buried and began to see how this had affected your relationship you found more clarity on why you had neglected the backyard. This just shows how connected everything is and that everything really does matter.
Sandra a beautiful sharing. How it can be that sometimes a area of our life, room or courtyard is screaming for attention and love and yet we fail to see it. Hurts do get in the way and you have shown that with commitment and openness they can be dissolved. I love the way you moved towards the transformation, choosing and buying the beautiful light furniture, inspired you to complete the work. What a lovely space you have with a gateway it seems that opens up to a park. I’m going through something similar right now, only inside my home. I’ve begun the process of clearing out the old: photos, momentos, letters, I’ve held on to since the 1960’s. It felt good to connect briefly to them and then let them go. The work continues, one room at a time. There’s much to do.
This is such a great analogy, Sandra, of what happens when we take even one step away from our glory. Over time the disregard and the weeds creep in, and before we know it things are not looking or feeling too good. Thanks for sharing your learning, and also the joyful experience of bringing the grandness of love back into your lives.
A great sharing Sandra this article is pure gold for all the wisdom and insights you gained in claiming back your court yard. What stood out for me was the sentence: ‘ What I learned is, it needs some commitment and dedication to claim back what I’ve given up on for a while…’ This makes so much sense to me today. This article is a super support for us all and one I will re-visit.
“We were able to see the shields we did hold for ourselves in protection.” It’s incredible to think that we have these shields and ways of expressing and think that’s just us, but in fact we are just communicating through our walls of protection. By nominating the hurt and letting go of our protection we call allow our true beauty to shine out…to uncover the beauty underneath. By clearing away the debris you show through the physical transformation of your courtyard what can take place when hurts are dealt with.
When we build our walls for protection, we do stop tending to the areas we blocked from others, but at the same time, we cannot see them either. Nature will always take back if given time. We are here a short time on nature’s clock, so anything we would like to maintain with nature is a combined collaboration, it is a loving relationship that works for everything and everyone.
Stuff that is not dealt with can be debilitatingly draining. It can be a relationship, a project unfinished, anything outstanding where we are delaying completion. No matter what the reason, it makes such a difference when we work on it, either completing it or letting it go.
Sandra, I love reading this article, there is so much to ponder on here, it makes me reflect on how my house is and how this is a reflection of how I am and how my relationships are, I can feel how for a long time I have been wanting to bring more order and more beautiful touches to my house, this can also be said for how I feel about myself – that I want to allow my beauty to come out.
and not to forget to celebrate the beauty that is already shown! As our choices of love, openness and expressing beauty can be seen in our reflections as well. And they are to be honored.
What an amazing reflection of how shutting down to protect ourselves allows the weeds to grow and it is only when we are prepared to root out our hurts and deal with them that the sun comes out again in our lives and our courtyards. I can relate to thinking I have dealt with something only to recognise later that it was still festering away and I have been choosing to ignore the signs. Thank you for the inspiration to investigate my hidden corners.
I am looking forward to that Helen 😉 – when you lighten up your hidden corners… sounds like an lovingly adventure tour!
We have a way of telling ourselves that we have dealt with something because it looks different to the way it did before to avoid dealing with what is really going on. We play tricks with ourselves and look at one part without looking at the whole.
The awareness is key isn’t it Jane – with that awareness can come the next movement towards the change we know and feel has been waiting there for us.
I can so relate to this Sandra – “What I learned is, it needs some commitment and dedication to claim back what I’ve given up on for a while…” – I have found recently I had also areas in my home that I had ‘given up’ on or pushed to the far away list of things to do. And once I made a start in one area I found how easy it was to clear up, clean out and let go of stuff that was just cluttering up space. Such a good feeling to have done it (and there is more to do) and I could feel the joy when that first task was complete too.
Yeah! When we clean up – inside and outside – there is some space for joy again!
I love that photo of you guys – such joyous fun expressions – and with soft little flowers to compliment the gentleness in this expression – awesome 🙂
I recently felt hurt and even though I knew it was my responsibility to heal what was coming up there were times when I wanted to blame the other person. The most difficult thing to accept was that I knew, I knew everything that was going on but I chose not to listen and speak up what was to be spoken. I felt hurt because of the responsibility I did not choose knowing the impact it would have. Becoming aware of our hurts and healing them is one of the greatest gifts we can give to ourselves and to everyone.
So true Caroline, “Becoming aware of our hurts and healing them is one of the greatest gifts we can give to ourselves and to everyone.” – and the world will blossom up!
Big difference in the before and after Sandra, well done both of you. Openness and love being shared. I would love to have a cup of tea with you in your courtyard.
You are very welcome Jeanette!
I love what you are bringing here Sandra. There can be no area in our life that we let ourselves withdraw from. Recently I have had to do a big clean out of my cupboards and it has really shown me that there are still areas in my life that I just conveniently avoid so as to not allow the absolute fullness of myself to be present. It seems that I like to have just one tiny section of my house messy just so I can have an excuse to not stand and claim my absolute gorgeousness. I love how the simplest things in life can reveal so much. By the way, I love what you did to your courtyard, it looks great.
I well remember the Facebook-posts and didn’t know the background story. How magically it comes together! We might be able to claim back every aspect of our life in this manner. You set an example of how easily it can be done, with lightness and dedication step by step.
Love this Sandra, for a start the Courtyard does look amazing, and I love the analogy between that, the mud and your buried hurts. It really does show that all our hurts do need to be addressed as they don’t go away of their own accord even if they now appear to be insignificant.
This is a great example of how our homes reflect how we are living. When I get back from travelling and I walk into our home I can always feel how my house mates have been going by the state of our house: energetically and physically.
Thank you Sandra. Your blog reminds me that my environment is a reflection of the state of being I have chosen. Amazing work on your courtyard and on your relationships – it’s clear both are flourishing.
It is interesting to read that how unresolved hurts reflect themselves into our lives and surroundings. It proves to me again that “everything is energy and therefore everything is because of energy” (Serge Benhayon) and that we cannot ignore any aspect in our lives if we choose a life of evolution as it will stop us in our tracks and hold us in the life of comfort we have chosen for.
Sandra I love what you have shared here. I have a number of areas in my house that I treat in a similar way and can see from what you have shared that there is always more to address not just the apparent untidiness. There is always more to see. Thanks for sharing what was underneath this area for you.
The before and after shots say it all – from neglect and ‘keep out’ energy to order, harmony, love and expansiveness. The story of your hurt expressed in the transformation of your home and shared for all to see and understand. Thank you!
This is so wonderful, Sandra! I sat in my courtyard only this morning reflecting on how beautiful it could be if I reclaimed it back….the roses are asking for a space to truly honour them. The journey you’ve described is parallel to my own as I once shut down the idea of sharing ‘my’ lovely courtyard due to past hurts. It was for me, my solitude yet by not sharing openly the joy I had reconnected to with another, our relationship surely went into decline. The courtyard is a place of courting, of developing intimacy with others and it’s taken a long while for me to truly feel this. Thank you for your beautiful blog.
Yeah – the courtyard is a place where we can start to connect or celebrate a present connection. Anyway it is worth honoring. I love to feel the sweetness in your words and expression Peta. Very tender and open it is touching and offering connection. Beautiful!
I don’t know about Germany or elsewhere but in Australia there are a number of TV shows devoted to home renovations, some of them competitions. Your story Sandra blows them all out of the water. This is home renovation in truth, starting with the understanding that our homes first and foremost offer us a reflection, a truth we need to consider for ourselves.
It is such a blessing to get a reflection and so an inspiring for evolvement. If we just clean up and do not see and understand what is behind it – then we will get another expression of the unresolved issue. It is like taking a pill against a pain. It will work for a while but not really clear the root of it.
I love that in claiming back your courtyard you claimed back a part of yourself whilst being reminded of the valuable lesson of the mud and extra work required when you let your commitment or dedication slide.
Yes, when we hide behind walls we make the way free for everything what choose to grow and spread…
Such a fun and playful blog Sandra, but it also comes with an understanding of how things in our lives can reflect how we are living and the choices we are making. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this and love the transformation it feels truly lovely.
Thank you Sandra. Your commitment to life is super inspiring. I can feel how I have used ‘life’ as an excuse for not dealing with long buried issues, when the very thing that needs dealing with is right in front of me every single day, and in fact the life is the very thing that is calling for deeper participation and commitment.
Sandra you have given me much food for thought about what hurts my surroundings (and how I use them) might be reflecting to me – thankyou . This line also really felt like such an amazing truth “I realise how much we are made to connect and celebrate our connection. The moment I withdrew from someone and/or life – I am in fact withdrawn from my natural way of being.”
Wow Sandra, i just love the symbolism here between the courtyard and your relationship both with yourself and also with your partner too.. the photos are such a wonderful capturing of the amazingness that can be felt, seen and experienced when we do choose to ‘clear up our mess’ ; ) Inspiring.
Oh yes Zofia. There is so much beauty waiting for us – in us and around.
A beautiful and delightful article to read, thank you. Your sharing highlights just how much of our house/home reflects back to us, so many truths about the way we are living.
Beautiful Sandra – this is why it is so important to start opening up and feel our hurts, like you have done and so claiming your courtyard again.. Which can be anything in life, but here just as an example. Its good to hear that now your heart is open to meet people from a new inside place (known deep down). Amazing work.
“Our surroundings did reflect our way of being.” A beautiful sharing Sandra on how powerful our outer life can reflect what is going on in our inner life. The beauty and honesty of nature and what it reflects about our internal make up opens us up to a greater opportunity to learn and heal from our past issues and hurts. When we are open to the learning we grow, just like your beautiful courtyard garden. Thank you.
I love that you were willing to go deeper and explore the reflection being offered to you Sandra. Nothing is nothing, and we have the opportunity to learn and grow from everything we feel and experience.
Kylie thats so true, no matter what it is in our lives we have an opportunity to grow and learn as a result. Nothing is nothing as you say and no matter what the situation we can evolve as a result.
‘What I learned is, it needs some commitment and dedication to claim back what I’ve given up on for a while…’ I can feel this too but can also feel the joy in doing so from your description of the process of reclamation.
Yeah Michael! There is such a joy in every piece of clearness and beauty which is discovered and claimed back!
It always feels great when we claim back anything! I love cleaning out weeds or washing the windows and having a clean and tidy space to be in, it totally changes how I feel.
No little detail in our life can be overlooked or pushed aside. Everything counts.
Something I need to remind myself when I rush and neglect the details.
Because the details are what make up the quality in which the life we live.
beautiful Luke, and its the Quality that we live that reveal the details we walk past every single second of the day.
Sandra I love the way you bring everything back to commitment to life. We are surrounded with opportunities for beauty and care to be a part of our lives from the inside of our cars to the courtyards or entrance ways of our homes and everything in-between and when it is not, ‘letting things go’ becomes a symptom of withdrawing from life that invites us to look deeper and unravel and tend to what’s in the way, as you so beautifully share here.
Thank you Adrienne! …when you mention the inside of our cars I twitched a bit (it has some mess). Some more to discover in my life I guess 😉
Sandra you have given me a new way to look at what is going on in different compartments of my life. Where we have disregard, we need to add love and self nurture and by adding beauty for us to enjoy and rest in brings us back to Soul. The results of a little effort reap big rewards.
Yeah Roslyn. And the love, beauty and truth is always there to be seen again when we drop our guards and have a free view again.
What I recall in reading this is how sometimes we come across some really sticky jobs, and situations, and they are uniquely difficult for us because that is what we have allowed by not dealing with some similar situation previously. And it is by facing these challenges head on that we remove them and don’t have such difficulty with them again. That I have realised is the beauty of everything occurring in response to our energetic actions, we get given situations to learn and grow from. A really great example of this for me is on a computer, I will come across a task that is really hard, but for another ridiculously simple, but if I am willing to learn how to do it, it very quickly becomes easy, flows, doesn’t get corrupted and break down but instead is simple and easy.
Great example Stephen! Mostly what we need to grow and come into flow again is some understanding :).
This is such a vivid analogy Sandra. It is so powerful to recognise holding onto hurts and letting them go. Hurts truly hold us back from each other because if we hold protection in front of us about anything, it keeps us protected from everyone even those we love. I am recognising this in my own life and each time I feel that protection and control come up, I remember that a full and loving heart cannot be hurt because there is no room for it. It is a slow journey for me and one totally worth taking.
Yes it is a journey and we are all on our way Amanda. On my way I found myself again and again on the crossroad – will I go for safety & control or for connection & evolution? If I go for evolution, I do not exactly know what comes up next – because it develops! So my craving for safety is in fact a craving for control. But this does hold us back from evolving. And hey, we are made to evolve. So no wonder that it brings up pain if we don’t.
What a powerful sharing Sandra. There is nothing that in truth that we can hide, cover up or brush over, hurts included, as all that we hold in our bodies is magnified through our movements, and as such reflected through the lives we live and all that we are in a relationship with be it our partner, family friends, house, car, our work etc. I have realised and continue to learn how in effect there are no secrets, we only shut our awareness down to the energies at play. Through our willingness to be honest with ourselves and look at how we are truly living, we can then be open to heal our hurts, let go of the pain that otherwise creates walls of protection around our connection to our natural loving way of being.
Like that: there are no secrets – no matter how many walls of protection we create or how big they become. All is there, can be felt and is reflected. That is love in practice.
What a beautiful job all round. Cleaning is always connected to so much more than we might think and its really inspiring to feel how deep you and your husband were willing to go in order to clear and clean and let go of any remaining hurt or issue no matter how small or big. What a joy-filled way to do it all too, logging on social media, very touching.
Sandra I really appreciate what you share about the reflection of what is going on can play out in the garden. It can be right in front of us yet we choose not to see it. Like our physical well being we can feel sick and not pay attention to this. Your connection between undealt with relationship situations and the outside area being neglected is very worth pondering more deeply. Thanks for the beautiful opportunity to consider more deeply what energy is at play here.
Beautiful sharing Sandra, and how loving you both claimed back your openness and love, through your commitment and dedication. Your courtyard looks lovely and welcoming.
Gorgeous Sandra, What is going on around us is so often a reflection of what is going on inside us, we are constantly supported to develop. But when we don’t make the choice there will be some nudges, like a dirty couryard to show us the way back and forward.
Indeed Benkt. And I see how my courtyard is just one field of which gets affected by my way of living. I imagine and slowly become aware what impact my choices have on my surroundings, on to relationships and people. If my courtyard did so obviously get effected by my protection and withdrawing – how was the affection on my relationships, on work and so on? This has to be cleaned up and taken responsibility about as well.
I have just remembered there was a period where I was finding it difficult to get a job. I enlisted the help of a recruitment consultant who helped me revamp my CV, however she also helped me work through some issues around the profession I had chosen and it turned out there was a belief I was holding about myself based on an untrue self judgement that dated back almost 20 years. This was a revelation for me, but it helped unblock something I had been holding myself back with. I got a new job within a month submitting my new CV.
Perfect for me to read today Debra, as I am currently looking for a new job as the one I am in has felt very unsupportive from the minute I started, plus I have to work many hours to make a decent salary. An insight recently was that I had gone into survival mode and had lost trust, the trust in myself and that I would be looked after. Coming back to trusting again, I can feel there is something new just around the corner.
Wow Sandra your new loved up courtyard looks fabulous. Its so interesting how unresolved issues can fester for years and affect our choices. Until we truly heal past hurts they don’t go away. I look forward to reading the next blog you hinted about writing.
This is a great before and after. Looking at the picture, you can feel the love held in the after picture of the courtyard which is a refection of the process that you both went through to re build not only the courtyard, but to take your relationship to the next level.
I found it hard to read the article because I couldn’t get past the picture of you and your husband. 🙂
🙂 – it was a rainy day and I was a bit disabled because of a slipped disc and so I had to lie..but we had some fun with the self-stick and off cause with our relationship. Connecting and intimacy, the commitment to expand together is such a joy! And it is a joy to share as well.
By that way – thank you for your lovely openhearted photo here Nikki! Touching my heart and is a joy as well!
There is a great reflection here how everything affects everything else and there are reasons our physical space may in part be neglected or left to stagnate which stem from hidden issues unresolved within us. This clear message is easy to appreciate, but there is a deeper message between the lines and this is when there is already a strong foundation of love built, then the weeds and mud can be exposed, worked with and cleared in a joy-full and grace-full way, not in a way which is forced, strained or resentful.
We all seem to have these piles in life, of undealt with stuff which we think we can carry on with and turn a ‘blind eye’ to. But really what we do is make ourselves blind to the truth – that they are hurting and holding back us and Love in our life. I love the beautiful way you illustrate how these ‘piles’ of junk play out in our physical world to mirror what is inside, and how when you want to truly deal with the hunk that is in you, everything around can truly change in the most beautiful ways. Thank you Sandra for this gorgeous sharing.
Gorgeous Sharing Joseph, and yes indeed, life is one big mirror and our houses, cupboards, gardens and cars all reflect exactly where we are at. I have found that when I have cleared or healed something from the inside, I start cleaning and re-arranging things and furniture in my house.
Such a beautiful sharing Sandra. It was clear to me whilst reading that we are all vessels, and we do think like we like to think we do. Your thoughts were brought about by the hurts that were still carried and hence the change that comes from healing these hurts. Makes me wonder just how many of the thoughts we have really are from our essence or from the unhealed repercussions of past hurts.
Yes. This experience did support me to not so much trust into my thoughts but in my reflections. Or better: I learned that my thoughts are a reflection of my state of being and a result of previous choices and actions.
You are showing us, Sandra, that any hurts we may be hiding are reflected in all areas of our life. Everything is everything.
The state of the spaces we live and work in reflect everything about ourselves back to us. What a grand and beautiful reclamation of love, order and ritual can be felt in courtyard. Thanks for sharing. it’s a joy for me to see.
Very beautiful sharing Sandra, thank you. It really teaches how a certain situation we are in can be caused by a choice we made long long ago, so it is wise to not judge ourselves but look at what might have caused a situation to be the way it is.
Holding onto hurts clouds our perception of situations and connection with others. I’ve found if left unresolved hurts fester away, many times unbeknowningly affecting all parts of our lives. I love how you looked deeper into what your relationship with the outside area was, and what had been allowed to get in the way. Very inspiring Sandra, there are definitely a few areas for us to look at and claim back.
What a beautiful courtyard with an outlook to a park. What a beautiful place to live.
What a great reflection of how closing down on one area, keeping an hurt, not dealing with an issue, affects all other areas too. It is as if the light and warmth starts to seep away from everything, and conversely when we choose to open up again everything starts to bloom once more
I agree Golnaz. It is like by withdrawing from life – and be it ‘just aspects of it – we move back into shadow and undernourishment. And so we hold back our natural unfolding and blossoming.
‘I realise how much we are made to connect and celebrate our connection. The moment I withdrew from someone and/or life – I am in fact withdrawn from my natural way of being.’ – Beautiful Sandra, I can very much relate to what you are sharing. Withdrawal has been a big part of my life, in fact I saw it as a necessity to ‘survive’ in the world… little did I know that the more I withdrew the more ailien and awkward I would feel. Thanks to Serge Benhayon and his life changing teachings, I have realised that the only thing that will ever make me feel ‘at home’ in the world, is if I choose to truly connect to myself and everyone else equally, i.e. let them see who I am.
‘Withdrawal has been a big part of my life, in fact I saw it as a necessity to ‘survive’ in the world’. Yes this been my habit too Eva, and just recently this going into survival mode has come up again for me to truly heal and choose differently and that is to choose trust and to stay with myself in other words to stay present and in my body. Work in progress it is but slowly and surely, I find I am tapping into my playfulness as lately I can feel that I had went into serious mode!
Yes. We are the ones who bring the difference into the world. If I sit at home and wait that the world will change so I can trust it to get out there…I will wait forever. Who shall bring the changes if not we?! This is the beauty of taking responsibility. It is not that I can wait for my anxiety to go and then I will move – I move, and anxiety will melt.
This shows that everything is connected and that that what happens in one area of our life has an influence on all areas of our life.
Hear hear Esther – so true, everything is connected and the ripples of our actions travel wide.
Our homes are such a learning point for how we live. Thank you for sharing another part of our homes that can often be ignored or not seen as important as the main living area. Your renovations were a reminder of how we need to dig deeper to get to the root cause that often gets buried over years when it comes to the disconnections and hurt that we can carry.
I love how you have taken the serious topic of hurt in relationships and reflected in such a lighthearted way. it makes healing only but one choice away!
Gorgeous blog. Thank you for sharing the joy of opening up and reclaiming your connection with yourself and others.
We all benefit from connecting and dealing with our every unresolved hurt.
I love what you share, thank you so much; how we behave with one set of people affects how we behave with every other person, including our closest ones. I find this makes total sense, but is not commonly realised in full as yet.
The story shows how, if we choose to see everything as a reflection, how much the world around us reflects back to us, for us to see, if we so choose.
The pictures of the courtyard – and of you two – are very lovely indeed.
Sandra this highlights how if we don’t deal with what comes up for us in full – then it can hang around to express itself in other ways later on. Wow what amazing support you guys had to face the hurts you had not let go of. That is such a healing for yourselves and your relationship, and the new claimed courtyard is a reflection of this. It shows me to not hold onto anything and to keep talking about where I am at with my partner.
You have opened a conversation here Sandra that is giving me the space to reflect on my own ways of shielding myself from my hurts. I can particularly feel how doing this is a very different feeling in my body to how I feel when I am with myself and open to whatever comes. Thank you.
Sandra, thank you for this beautiful reflection. Withdrawing is like shutting down or cutting off the oxygen supply and what results is that things start to die. I agree that this is not our natural way, we are born to Iive in unity, to be unified and when that is the case we thrive – much like your garden.
‘the result is that things start to die’ – yes Christine, they die. Courtyards, parts of houses, the garage, the garden, finances, relationships – they die. But dying is not an end. All is energy and so nothing can really totally go away or vanish. So the energy of ‘withdrawing’ does in fact put things and relationships into disgrace and this energy does stay or get worse till I change it again. We see this with the world today. We think we can leave the rubbish we are responsible for deep in the earth, in other countries or just that we throw it out of the window, but in fact the energy of responsibility for our rubbish does not leave us. We can’t throw this away, can’t get away from it. We have to take it – sooner or later. That’s the only choice we have.
“And our surroundings did reflect our way of being.” This is so so true as if I look at the way I used to keep my house compared to how I do now it is very different and is simply a refection of my own development. However what I have seen from reading this and had previously been trying to ignore is the last 2 houses I have lived in I have not got on top of the garden and it has bothered me but have found it hard to change. Now I am left asking what is going on in me that is blocking these steps? So thank you Sandra, awesome.
When we withdraw from a certain area of life, what is underneath, what is there to feel? Questions I will take away with me after reading this as I know there are areas in my life I have withdrawn from. Thank you Sandra.
So beautiful to feel what is going on here and how clearing the overload of accumulated rubbish that we build up in and around ourselves can make such a difference in how we are and how we are with others. Thank you for this Sandra
Yeah, it is fascinating how the things we hold on to and the disorder we create is present and does stand between us and another person, creating separation. And thereby we are longing for connection….
It is fascinating to me to observe how our living environment is a direct reflection of our relationship with ourselves and therefore with others. Also what you’ve shared about your hurts and how that affected your relationship, this is very supportive for me to read. I recognise this in my life too and can see so clearly what is playing out with some of my relationships. Brilliant blog Sandra, I found it very inspiring and a beautiful read. Thank you! And I love the new courtyard make-over.
What a beautiful sharing Sandra and what a beautiful transformation of your courtyard! If your courtyard is a refection of your relationship then the stunning-ness of your connection is clear to see. It is astounding of how our un-dealt with hurts can manifest in other pockets of our lives without us joining the dots.
I love your sharing Sandra. It is interesting how our outer surroundings can reflect our inner stillness – or turmoil…… and we can never truly bury issues.
Sandra, I love this article, ‘And our surroundings did reflect our way of being.’ I can feel how true this is, when I’m feeling myself – open and loving then I notice how my surroundings are and I feel impulsed to clear and make them feel ordered and supportive, when I’m feeling caught up in issues and not feeling great I notice how my surroundings reflect this, that I let the house go, it becomes messy and disorganized much like how I am feeling, so yes I can feel how our houses and gardens are a reflection of how we are.
You can really feel the difference in the two photos. I love this because it is something I have been asking myself over the last few days, what is there hiding that I have not dealt with? As I have been really aware of a feeling in the right side of my body telling me this. I guess we only start to feel/see unresolved hurts and things like this when we are willing and ready to! It also shows how the inside reflects the outside, which says a lot about us as humanity and the state of the world currently. Every change like this is a ripple and another reflection to the world for more true healing to take place.
Wow what a fascinating tale of hurts and shields being reflected in the disregard of your courtyard, the place to connect to the outside world. Love it! What a great sharing and so useful to then to look at what my home is reflecting back to me, especially this area you describe as ours is also quite shabby.
Sandra what is amazing about your sharing is how it shows that everything is connected to everything else, from one experience that affected your relationships not only with your partner but also an area of your home. As you chose not to shut down but open up in one area it opened up all areas. Simple yet incredibly powerful and something that shows we can’t live in parts and think we are truly living.
Yeah. We may try to sweep the one or other thing under the carpet, but this carpet is the foundation we stay on…or fall down to when the ground becomes to disharmonic….
A few weeks ago on a Monday I was feeling utterly exhausted and luckily enough I had a session with a great practitioner booked. When I shared how unwell I felt, he said “what happened at the weekend?” I started to share a phone call I had had at the weekend and burst into tears. I had not realised how much this apparently insignificant incident had upset me – in fact I hadn’t even realised it had upset me and yet here I was carrying a huge hurt that was exhausting me. As soon as I expressed it, it was gone. It is something of a miracle to me that I can still at times carry around a hurt like that without even realising it, just as you describe here, and it is exhausting!
Great how you describe this Nicola! Yes, we carry a hurt and it takes some energy and space from us, leads us to us exhaustion and limitation. Being not aware of this interplay is dangerous and makes us disempowered. How great to have some reflections around which support us in ‘take a look!’.
It is interesting to observe the pockets in our life where we let go of things. Often we think that these things do not affect us, but given that everything is energy, everything counts. I can feel the whole of my shared flat within my body. When one room is not attended to or loved, I can feel how much it affects the whole home. What this reminds me of is that everything requires an equal amount of attention.
Thank you Sandra. It is such a good point that if we withdraw from one area in our lives we withdraw from life. There can be no pockets left unattended to, and if this is the case it is a great reflection for us to take a look at what is going on.
Wow Sandra this is beautiful and so reflective I really love and appreciate your sharing and smile. The joy, commitment and hard work of clearing up reviving places and claiming back every little detail and hidden place is something I love too and have spent my life with and the sharing of this with others and this beautiful sharing from you from a deep knowing of you, is really very precious to read and offers huge appreciation, love and so much more to ponder on for all. Thank you.
Oh yes Tricia, you do that ‘professional’ ! And I can see the healing that is brought to a place by clearing and appreciating it – bring it to full bloom so to speak – and so this healing is offered to the humans who live in it.
When we hold onto our hurts, we contract and withdraw from life constricting ourselves by way of how we move (sleep, eat, converse, think, act etc.) so that the whole geometry of us is changed and before we are even aware, we are moving in such a way that creates angles that do not support the expression of our true selves. Dealing with these hurts creates space, for we are allowing ourselves to release that which does not truly belong to us. With this space comes grace – the freedom to breathe our own breath once again. This is a great sharing of this process Sandra and I love the photos….ahhh.
I experience exactly this ‘geometry’ in the last weeks Liane. I am on a body-work program to heal my slipped disc and found a lovely practitioner who does not just support my muscles but also my self-appreciation. With the increasing claiming of my worth/preciousness and let it shine through, my geometry of life has and does change a lot. I feel more our all equality and be more open to people and in meetings. Its a pure grace for me. I did and do let go of hurts which opens up the space for deeper love, understanding and intimacy. A natural playfulness and innocence comes back into my everyday living and this affects others who are with me as well. So the constellations of my life and relationships changes to a more healthy and harmonious way of living…. – I feel like I rock the world a bit with that. 🙂
Liane I love your analogy with geometry. Holding on to our hurts makes us thorny and spiky with many angles that cannot attract, love or show openness to other people. It is a powerful image that I ‘ll keep at the forefront in my mind. I haven’t read blogs in a while but finding this one and your comment truly made my day. A big thank you.
Your great sharing Liane has supported me to understand the reason why emotions are so harmful for our bodies. All emotions cause physical contraction. Even happiness is a form of contraction. A contracted body then pulls in contracted thoughts, which in turn lead to a contracted body and so it repeats and repeats, continually blocking our access to the truth.
What is so incredible is that this can occur at such a subtle level, in highly aware people. It shows how familiar we are with being awkward and restricted in our movements, and how easily we accept a geometry that constricts and constrains us. Hence how important it is that we take this seriously and value everything that is happening in our lives and not trivialise a single thing.
If Sandra had not paid attention to her courtyard, not only would it have stayed a barren and empty place, that barrenness would have remained and could have spread like slow seeping poison in her relationship. It is by this means that so many relationships end up at lonely and distant destinations that bear no relationship to the deep love they felt for each other at the start.
The analogy of tending our relationships as we would a garden (or a courtyard) is an old one, and true. This care can not be superficial or tokenistic, rather if we want our love to flourish, we must dig deep into the soil and feed it with our care, respect and the richness of our presence. This is how we flourish in our partnerships.
Great Sharing Sandra. It so important to really look at everything life is showing us, as if we bury 1 hurt then it can still affect everything else we do. Amazing to see your relationship with your courtyard and how that has changed and is now flourishing. It would be worth observing how we feel when going to different places and asking why we have those thoughts like “I’m too busy, I don’t want the insects” etc as it could change our life.