Yesterday when I phoned a close friend in the South Island, I realised that it was not the ‘real me’ talking to her, even though our conversation had been ‘normal’. We have known each other for many years, see each other about twice a year and speak on the phone about once a fortnight. When I got off the phone I felt really ‘yuk’. She had mentioned during the conversation that she was used to me being ‘bossy’ and that it was okay with her. This added to my yukkiness as it did not feel okay with me. I know in the past I have been bossy and appeared ‘all knowing’, and that seems to be how some close friends and my family tend to perceive me. In the past this has made me feel important and I guess it has given me some form of recognition, but recently I have been feeling more uncomfortable with it and realise it is not the real me. So I asked myself, why was it when talking to her yesterday (and probably most other times I talk to her) do I slip into old patterns of conversation? Why am I afraid to show ...