As I reflected on my Christmas experience last year, I couldn’t help but see that I had once again been swept up in the hype of the season. It’s so easy to do – the commercialisation of the season relentlessly pushes to entice, excite and enthral us at every turn.
In order to prepare for Christmas this year, I started to do some research.
I wasn’t looking for a checklist on how to make my house pretty or what the top ten bestselling presents this season were, I was looking for support on how to stay within myself and be more relaxed during the ‘silly season’ and not get swept up in the frenetic energy that comes from needing to get that perfect present, having a perfectly decorated house, being the best host or creating the best experience for guests.
But I couldn’t find one article that aimed to support this approach; everything I found was there to entice me to do more, to have more.
As I reflected further on last year’s Christmas time, I came to realise that even in scaling back and simplifying, I still had managed to make room for the chaotic energy that drives Christmas. I had hosted Christmas lunch for my family for the first time at my new home, which had the potential to be an amazing experience, had I stopped to fully appreciate and take in the loveliness of the occasion.
What was on offer for myself and my family was an opportunity for us to connect as individuals with no roles being played, just simply enjoying quality time together. It was an opportunity to learn about each other in a different environment, reflect on the year gone by and talk about our hopes for the next.
Unfortunately the full potential of this experience was not met as I allowed myself to get caught up in trying to make things perfect instead of just being there in my fullness, allowing myself and everybody to just be.
I wondered then if it was possible to hold the experience of Christmas as a time for sharing and connecting with family and friends, but also know that the fundamental elements which make this day special can actually be lived every day of the year.
Could it be that I could live openly every day with the people I meet everywhere?
Asking myself what holds me back from doing this, I realised it was a fear of being the real me – not the perfect host, or the perfect partner or daughter – just me. Christmas so often can sweep us away from ourselves, that we forget to just be us.
As I have started to de-construct my ideals around Christmas, and the belief that this was a one day a year affair, I have felt a new found sense of freedom. Instead of beating myself up and lamenting on the opportunity missed last year, I am grateful that I have been able to truly reflect on how it played out, where the moments/openings occurred that swept me away, and where I need to go deeper in my understanding of myself so that I can make different choices this year.
I’ve come to realise that Christmas shouldn’t be a festival we celebrate for just one day a year. Remembering that Christmas can be simply about connection and being comfortable to be the real me only highlights this more, as this can be developed anytime, anyplace, and with anyone. With this understanding I have an opportunity to have another go this year, as we start to build up to the busy Christmas period again.
If connection and being the real me is the name of the game, I don’t even have to wait; I can do that anytime I choose.
Inspired by the presentations of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon.
By Megan Cairney, Relationship Manager, BBsMn/BA, Brisbane
Further Reading:
Being Ourselves
What Christmas means to me?
What I Love about Christmas
Christmas Lies, Christmas Myths and the Truth about Christmas
Christmas is celebrated at the end of the calendar year and is a time to gently unwrap and review the year just lived and to set foundations of deeper connection for what’s next.
One thing I notice more and more on Christmas, especially on the day is how as a society how we live creates the atmosphere around us. On the actual day the drop in activity levels outside drops so much it is tangible. I feel this early in the morning as well, compared to middle of the day. Or during a 2 minute silence. In cities it’s easy to see car pollution, but on days like Christmas it’s easier to feel the activity pollution we put out in our everyday movements.
Reflecting back on the last two Christmases working for at-least four hours each year to keep the job ticking over did not tick any of the usual Christmas boxes but felt great in my body. The rest of the day was spent with family and friends with some sweet tooth so called treats awaiting to once again be eaten in the name of a little bit does not hurt but it does make the ensuing raciness apparent in my body and this is yet again a part of a now daily sugar fix. This has become an occurrence that does not serve my body as sweet things of any type not only cause a racy-ness in the body they keep me up all night peeing!
Megan, it’s really helpful to read your article and be reminded that it is how I am that is important, not how perfect my house looks. And that the important part is enjoying connecting with people.
The best present we can give each other is to be open to connecting at Christmas and every other day of the year.
Yes, connecting and enjoying quality time together seems a great practice.
I have just seen more of what Christmas is .. the madness that is. It is the build up of tension from the year that has been lived wanting to be released! As well as the longing for the break because we are so exhausted through how we have been living.
Imagine if we took all that time and money we spend on making Christmas special and put into every day with this same feeling of wanting to connecting with others became normal, and in doing so we eliminated all sweets that cause the racy-ness we see around especially at this that time of year-end celebrations so called. Then maybe we would not need coffee to keep going because of our exhaustion as we were no longer using an energy sapping artificial sweetener that always over stimulates our bodies and then leaves us flat needing a coffee to stay awake. No to all that and we would have True celebration that is simple to live in every day.
Megan, this is great; ‘ I was looking for support on how to stay within myself and be more relaxed during the ‘silly season’ and not get swept up in the frenetic energy’ I can feel that this could apply to many situations in life – where there is a lot of busyness around us and if we can stay steady in ourselves and not get caught up in it all then we can stay well and connected and not get mentally and physically exhausted.
I can really appreciate that this year I am less caught up in the Christmas hype than before, I still am in this a bit with getting presents for people etc but there is less attachment to it and I am looking forward to this falling away even more as the years go on. This year I am more aware of the push and pressures coming from shops to buy buy buy it is like a buying madness being spewn everywhere enough to make anyone feel sick! What I love that you have shared here and want to do the same is instead use this time to reflect on the year and to reflect on what there is to appreciate and also what needs to change and will take inspiration from this ‘where I need to go deeper in my understanding of myself so that I can make different choices this year.’
I love what you are sharing Megan about Christmas being about connection and being ourselves, rather than getting caught up in the Christmas busyness. Great to read this as the Christmas season is starting here.
Megan – I love your honesty here; ‘Unfortunately the full potential of this experience was not met as I allowed myself to get caught up in trying to make things perfect instead of just being there in my fullness, allowing myself and everybody to just be.’ I have experienced this when I have had guests to my house and got caught up in rushing around trying to make things perfect, rather than focussing on my quality and being present with myself and connecting and enjoying everyone.
I agree Katie, these qualities and ways of being are ones to embrace everyday all year round.
Keeping life simple is very wise, and surely whenever we get together it is about connecting with others, ‘What was on offer for myself and my family was an opportunity for us to connect as individuals with no roles being played, just simply enjoying quality time together.’
Celebrating and appreciating each other is a present we can share every day of the year. Christmas is just when many have a break from work at the same time so offering the opportunity to be together.
Christmas is a time for family, for people to come together to enjoy each others company, reflect on the past year and what lies ahead for the new year. this is something we can do on a daily basis, as we connect to people each day. We can review the days events the night before and prepare ourselves for the new day ahead, of making choices and sharing ourselves with all we come in contact with.
So often we go through Christmas Day in a buzz and hype that we avoid deeply connecting and enjoying one another. In this it ends and we are left seeking something more to stimulate us so that we can avoid the tension of not having those connections.
Christmas is a celebration of us all and where we are willing to go with confirming all the relationships we have built over the year. A far deeper level of honesty is offered over the myriad of lights, tinsel and presents we are sold through the world retail agenda.
It is always enlightening to reflect on the purpose or intention behind what we are doing and how we are moving as it is, as you share Megan, easy to get caught up is the flurry of the hype surrounding Christmas as a result. I have found that we can easily get lost if we are seeking an outcome from the day, rather than offering a space for us all to come together and share ourselves and reflect on the year just live and what our potential is and how we can deepen ourselves to live more of who we are in the year that comes. All of which is a marker of what is available on every other day.
When we strip away the complications and dramas around Christmas it is actually a very beautiful time to wind down, to be with families, friends and people and make it about connecting, sharing and celebrating each other.
When we understand and experience articles about outdated rituals, we can all experience the extraordinary liberation – and this is not too strong a word – from outdated rituals and practices that truly no longer serve us.
If we put as much effort into every day instead of one day a year it would be Xmas every day.
How we are with family and friends at the completion of one year is how we will be with them all as the next year unfolds. To be love is the most precious present to share.
Beautifully said Mary, love is the best present we can share with ourselves and everyone around us. We can get so caught up with presents and gifts when the most amazing gift is free, priceless and precious. And, that is love.
I have really shaved back on the Christmas craze but this year I noticed the thoughts to buy things was still coming in. Now having thoughts about buying something isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it was the obsession and crazy drive that the thoughts came with that was not what I’d experience other times of the year. Consistently reconnecting, feeling my hands and feet, has been supportive in grounding myself rather than flying off with my head to the shops!
Incredible that you weren’t able to find any articles to support you through the ‘silly season’ when everything is aimed at getting us to spend, spend, spend and turn ourselves inside out in order to appear to be the perfect host etc. Your article is a great start and tools such as the Gentle Breath Meditation http://www.unimedliving.com/meditation/gentle-breath-meditation/what-is-gentle-breath-meditation.html are a fantastic way of reconnecting with yourself if you find yourself caught up in all the hype.
Great exposure of the trap of trying to make things perfect – thanks for the reflection Megan and the opportunity to deepen my connections with those around me at any time.
There are rhythms that are built into the cycle of life that indeed worth celebrating.
When we try to get Christmas day or any other ‘special’ day for that matter picture-perfect we will always struggle for in the hype and build up we forget to enjoy the actual organising and lead up to it – and that every day prior is just as important as the actual day.
Very gorgeous Megan. Thank you for writing this article as now we do have that support available. It is easy to get caught up in the Christmas hype – as is intended. For as you have shared there is a much deeper opportunity for us to embrace and reflect on, of how it is that we are living for ourselves, with each other and together as a humanity. An opportunity to reflect on how much of our true selves we have been living in connection to, along with celebrating our togetherness and the potential of what lies ahead for us.
It’s massive to consider that Christmas day is actually no more or less important than any other day. When we allow ourselves to stand back and observe what actually plays out, it’s very alarming.
When we choose to connect to ourselves, we will see that reflection of connection wherever we look
Choosing to connect to ourselves is being responsible, and makes such a difference, ‘If connection and being the real me is the name of the game, I don’t even have to wait; I can do that anytime I choose.’
“If connection and being the real me is the name of the game, I don’t even have to wait; I can do that anytime I choose.” Yes, so true. Connecting first with ourselves, then we can connect with others equally so. I find esoteric Yoga a great support to connect – and then choose to stay – with me.
So true it is Megan celebrating Christmas can be a celebration of being our true selves in and sharing us in relationship with others, and this beautiful connection is only a choice away.
That it is possible to break out of such an entrenched paradigm is very heartening … especially Christmas… one of the most traumatic times of the year !
I realised this year that the pull to be with family members was strong as I often reserve this day as I know I will get to see everyone…but, what if next year I make that extra effort to contact family members and see them at other times and there will be less pressure to make it on the 25th!
Very cool. Why do we sell ourselves short? Why do we reserve ‘connection’ with others to the 25th of December. How limiting is that, and more so, how difficult is that if we’re not practicing the whole year round. Imagine building on consistency rather than building up to this out of reach and virtually impossible expectation for a calendar date every year. There sure is another way!
This year was a stark difference to most other years in that when the focus was more about spending time with family the parts that would normally be stressful (Traveling, gifts, food) simply weren’t as everything this year had a ‘Christmas Morning’ feeling to it. A stillness that isn’t normally there when we are so focused on everything other than connection.
What is it about Christmas that we get so invested in it being something different from how we live the rest of the year? if we watch those TV ads, suddenly those tensions we have felt with family members are meant to disappear and a rosy golden picture of the perfect day is meant to emerge…yet how disappointed do we get when the reality doesn’t match up to the sold picture?
Amazing Blog Megan! Its so true that christmas time has a hype and “The christmas spirit’ runs high, and indeed it is a downer on the fact that the potential is there to enjoy the loveliness of the occasion, and be ourselves with no need for expectations.
Yes it is such a trick to get Christmas right as we could be celebrating many times in a year the beauty that we are and how amazing it is to spend time together with other people, be it family or friends.
We are sold a perfectly packaged picture of lies as to what it means to come together at Christmas. Instead of making it about people, connections, true family (Oneness) and relationships, we have instead made it about consumerism, obligation, appearance, comparison and some ideal of perfection. While underneath it all sits the unresolved tensions and myriads of hurts we have never quite addressed with each other, just waiting for the trigger of exhaustion, alcohol, overconsumption, fallen expectations or heightened emotions so it can all rise up to the surface and get in the way of any true connection. Christmas in this sense is a farce but what remains eternally true is the warmth of the love, the Christ light that forever burns deep within our inner heart, ready to be expressed any day of the year.
Thank you Megan for this awesome reminder that it is about connection every day rather than putting all our energy and investment into one day of the year that inevitably fails to live up to our expectations. For me it is great to appreciate that I am more open than I was this time last year – no perfection but an ongoing process of allowing others to see and feel the true me and thus the best gift I can give everyone including myself.
ha ha I had a giggle coming across this blog just now because I realised it is Christmas in 2 weeks and I had completely forgotten – thanks for reminding me. Not that it makes much difference as I don’t really have any blood family except a sister on the other side of the word. My husband and I don’t “do” Christmas – but it is a lovely time to catch up on things when the phones are quieter and things seem to slow down after the frantic build up most people go through.
The Christmas holiday is fast approaching again and an opportunity to reflect on the year as we prepare for another spin around the sun. A time when most, not all, have some extra time away from work so we can come together as a family to celebrate each other.
Yes, good point Mary, end of year is certainly a good time to reflect on the year just completing, what we have learnt, what we choose to let go off and what we take with us and build on in the coming year.
My Father always shared his favourite comment when Christmas time was just around the corner and now it all makes sense having ready this light hearted reminder from Megan Cairney.
“Christmas is everyday when you make it about people and opening your heart.”
Well exposed Megan – the Christmas trap is about making a few days special only once a year, I totally agree we can bring this level of commmitment and joy to everyday of the year and watch how this changes and deepens all our relationships beautifully.
Christmas brings us to the core of ourselves and our relationships. Nothing to do with the superficiality we find in those dates. Choosing to live in deep connection is definitely the best way to live Christmas everyday.
A great expose Megan on the traps we can get caught in around Christmas and ‘special events’; it certainly is easy to be pulled into the hype. By sharing your experiences you have shown us another way to encompass these events into our everyday life thus not getting caught up in the mayhem around us.
Growing up on a farm with minimal commercial influences and parents that didn’t put value in presents. It was a simple and lovely time to enjoy each other with a loving meal and relatives who may have come for a visit or we all picnicked in a lovely area where we could swim. This was special to me about Christmas. Another special touch I just remembered was setting an extra plate for Jesus at the table. There was something very touching about that. Christmas was more about connection. Now it seems to be the opposite.
[…] Related Reading: What is the Livingness? What I Love about Christmas Exposing the Christmas Trap […]
Nothing less than amazing how you stopped to appreciate what really is on offer during Christmas, Megan!
I find Christmas teaches us something about the power of repose and how we have been with repose during the year. The more we have lived to stop, take a breather, connect, appreciate in the months leading up to December… the easier it is to withstand the rush of the season, when Christmas’ craziness resurfaces.
Yes, Felix, I too take the opportunity at Christmas to stop and review the year, feeling how my rhythm has been and looking at ways to learn and evolve in the year ahead. And it is a great time to simply catch up with friends and family who are also off for a few days, without the hype or excessive spending.
“Instead of beating myself up and lamenting on the opportunity missed last year, I am grateful that I have been able to truly reflect on how it played out, where the moments/openings occurred that swept me away, and where I need to go deeper in my understanding of myself so that I can make different choices this year”. Wow! I love this sentence too. Reflecting on my choices and of the choices of others without any criticism has been a big one for me! But having the understanding for myself and of another is setting a loving foundation for true healing to occur as it is through the understanding and allowing of myself and another that we evolve. I have come to realise there is no such thing as perfection and this has been heaven as how can I evolve without making mistakes to learn from. Thank you Megan for sharing as there is much for me to reflect on over the Christmas period.
Caroline I’ve never actually considered that there is, ‘ no such thing as perfection.’ I’ve always believed there is but that I don’t have access or the capability to deliver it. So no matter how amazing I’ve felt something to be that I’ve done or expressed I’ve always felt less because it could have been perfect in some other aspect that often I don’t even know! This kills appreciation and fuels depreciation of myself or others.
I’ve always struggled with acceptance saying to myself that if something was perfect then I’d have no choice but to accept. So seeing myself as less than perfect- comparing myself to an idea of perfection that I don’t even have a concept of except it is everything more than what I can deliver- I have struggled to accept myself. This is a crazy cycle of not good enough.
To break from this paradigm I can scrap this notion of perfection being something unobtainable and worthy of attainment and striving. I can connect with myself to the best of my ability with where I am at, accept this lovingly and feel what is being asked for in any given moment. I can feel if something is untoward and needs addressing or just observing, and feel the great harmony and wisdom of the universe and become a part of it – so stop trying to reach an ideal of perfection that is really me trying to be a little bubble separate from the world but trying to force the world into how I think people should be. Aside from being super exhausting it is so super arrogant as it’s me not appreciating the perfection of life as it is within God and thinking I can do a better job!!!
“Asking myself what holds me back from (living openly every day with the people I meet everywhere), I realised it was a fear of being the real me – not the perfect host, or the perfect partner or daughter – just me”. This sentence stood out for me because there are times in my life when I hold back for fear of shining my light and therefore I am essentially saying no to the responsibility that comes with this because I am under the illusion that this responsibility is too big. I have come to realise that this is my greatest fear, shining all of me yet I know deep down that this is my purpose and what I am here to do.
Yes Katie “Let’s bring these qualities to every day of the year” and not wait until we’re in the excitement of Christmas and to use it as an excuse to show our appreciation and love for one another. I am becoming more and more aware of how much another loves to be cared for and thought of as I begin to be more responsible in committing more deeply to all relationships in my life. A simple phone call can make all the difference.
“If connection and being the real me is the name of the game, I don’t even have to wait; I can do that anytime I choose”, this is so true why wait to be Christmas, when we can choose to be us in every moment by choosing love, truth and honesty, thus way the real us reflected all the time.
Thank you for this article Megan, it was great for me to ponder on. I noticed that the Christmas decorations at the shops went up really early and it seems to make everyone move into an energy that they don’t necessarily want to be in because all the hype is so in your face. Most of my family live overseas so at lunchtime I had the laptop on the dining room table with them all on a Skype call so that they could join us (they’re ahead of us and had already eaten) it was quite cool the feeling of us all being together and chatting just like it was any other day that we do this.
I love looking on back on articles about christmas at other times of year, to me it highlights the amount of effort we put into one day/time yet outside of this the lack of it. What if we took the same care every day as we do at christmas? Perhaps then as we sit now in mid Feb people would not be so sick, so despondent? Even the fact that if we lived with the care taken to come together as a family every day it would change many people lives.
Megan, your blog highlights the enormous complication all the hype, drama and excitement creates which gets in the way of the simple connection, celebration and joy that could otherwise be embraced. I have always felt the beautiful family aspect of Christmas especially being given the opportunity to see and meet with people I have not had a chance to for a long time and yet so much more importance gets placed on the surrounding festivities instead of the true connection and embrace of each other
The year has been broken up now into peaks, moments of holiday away from the day-to-day. This is very telling as it shows the day-to-day is not something many people currently enjoy. If we put the same focus we have on Christmas on everyday things might be very different. I noticed this year that Easter Egss were on sale on Boxing Day, so before “christmas” was over we were being sold on the next holiday/break/feast. I feel its time we took a fresh look at how our day, weeks, month and year is – how would we truly want it to be rather than going along with the marketing plan of industry?
It was wonderful this christmas to see people who are my family who had travelled from all over the world to just be with each other. There was a certain desire amongst us to carry on with old traditions, as if to confirm that the family unit as we all knew it to be was still there. But things had definitely changed, we had all moved on, grown older, new people were introduced as partners changed and children were born. But what was constant, was this pleasure and joy of having a reason to all come together. To give to eachother. To share meals together. To live, just for this short time, as one big group. This to me is the magic of christmas and of the whole of december in fact.
What if the intensity and anxiety you describe with Christmas, is also there in our lives with work, family and kids? What if we all labour under hundreds of these false pictures of some kind of perfection we’ve come to believe we need to be? If that is the case, then you words you offer here Megan are truly profound, because they reveal there’s no course or program we need to complete, we can choose any time to connect and just be. I can really feel it in the words I type here that this blog has supported me too to connect and live like this today.
Great questions, Joseph, highlighting how the pictures we hold onto create pressure and expectations that we cannot live up to. To live without this feels liberating and spacious.
I find it interesting just how quickly Christmas is forgotten. Despite the fact that it brings friends and families together to celebrate this is seen as a temporary event and people do not make the link to living in greater connection with each other. Perhaps that is because the other factors are not there such as excessive food, drinking, TV and films or a few extra days off work. As a society we seem to have perfected missing the truth in any given situation.
It seems Christmas is forgotten as soon as the sales start and it’s quickly onto the next thing. All the hype and hoo la la is a whirl wind that crashes on the 2nd January. It was actually fascinating to feel the craziness in the atmosphere stop on the morning of the 2nd. The change was palpable.
After reading your comment Katie I realise this is how I can live my life – ticked that box, relax for a few seconds and on to the next task. Not a way to live at all and a recipe for illness. Learning to be me in my day with the to dos to complete yes, but they are not who I am or come before me or anyone else.
Yes, I noticed that the hot cross buns came out the day after Valentine’s day. The commercialism now of the entire year is getting more and more in our faces, so it is great to be reminded that it is our relationships that make these days (and everyday) special, not the outer trappings.
Like many I felt that Christmas day was going to be a different experience this year. Yes scaling back and simplifying I’d clocked but I’d ‘planned’ not allowing for a natural flow to the days events.
Past busy ways/patterns so love to get in on the act and I so easily allowed myself to get pulled into that energy again. No self bashing just an observation and another valuable self loving lesson for future days that are played out to be a big event.
What I realised this Christmas was that people are trying their best to make that one day, Christmas day, one in which family and friends do come together and connect but in their trying to ‘do their best’ often the whole of December is lived from a place of disconnection. And so by Christmas day, stress levels are high as are expectations so the day becomes a pressure cooker of emotions rather than a day of loving connection. This does not make sense when we consider Christmas to be a time of connecting to people.
It does not make sense at all, people sabotage what they are trying to achieve. Do we go on to repeat this pattern, or learn from our mistakes, and are we willing to take responsibility?,
This is so true Gabriele, ‘Thinking that Christmas is to be the perfect time when everything comes together just so – when throughout the year it hasn’t – does not make much sense’, this is so true, there is such a strong picture of Christmas being this perfect time when everybody gets on and has a wonderful time, when in reality this often does not happen as there can be a lot of tension and stress around this time, and so from what I have observed there can often be sadness and disappointment at Christmas because it did not live up to the expectations we have of Christmas.
“Christmas so often can sweep us away from ourselves, that we forget to just be us.” It is because we make it such a special day and look forward to it for a long time that it becomes so loaded with expectations that it is actually almost impossible to be yourself on that day. If I look at it how is Christmas indeed different than any other day? The sun comes up, it can rain, it can snow, it can be a super gorgeous day etc just like any other day. I feel it is most healthy to live this day as any other day because the aforementioned tensions around Christmas are impacting very much on our health and feeling of well-being, sometimes many days after.
Yes Lieke, every year Christmas Day is becoming for me just like any other day although my family and I did go to bed later than usual this year and we paid for it on Boxing Day. Every Christmas I make changes in whatever way that will support me and my family and I am seeing this in others too which is a wonderful confirmation.
Thinking that Christmas is to be the perfect time when everything comes together just so – when throughout the year it hasn’t – does not make much sense. It puts enormous pressure on everybody and only takes away from the joy of being ourselves and truly connecting with people every single day of the year.
I agree Gabriele. In our seeking for connection by making Christmas the focus we overload ourselves and thus in fact disconnect. To make every day an opportunity to connect by simply being ourselves takes all the pressure off and the joy can naturally be there.
It is taking me a while to drop the desire for a perfect something or somebody but how wonderful it is to shed all the baggage that comes with this ideal. It is such a heavy burden, sometimes one we do not even realise we are carrying. Thank you Universal Medicine and it’s practitioners for continuing to support me in this enlightening process.
I agree Elaine, it is so supporting to have Universal Medicine to help us in letting go of the need for perfection. This has been a big for me. For most of my life, every thing I did had to be perfect, in how I dressed, prepared meals, cleaning, any creative art work, you name it, it always had to be done with much time and effort into getting it right. I am learning to simplify and be more aware of myself now when I am doing some thing. It is how I am with myself that matters and not about the end result.
I love this Gill! Quote of the week!
Coming through christmas just recently and also the new year, it was never more evident this time around, that those days are genuinely ‘just another day’. When not feeding into or getting caught up in the days, sure I still spent it with family and children in my life, which is always wonderful, but did not see it as any different to any other day.
Wow, Megan, this has been an intense Christmas – I hadn’t realised how much, despite my plans to have a quiet one, I was nevertheless swept up in the energy and the false drive that everyone goes into – in my case it was a reaction the other way – apart from being at work, I went into hiding – watching TV, numbing out with food – not an excessive amount, which felt great, but enough to change how I felt in myself, so I lost my true connection. It is great to be aware of this so I can plan a little more throughout the year so that I am better prepared for next time. And the same applies to all celebrations – letting go of the excitement, enjoying simple brotherhood and being with people we love.
I agree Megan, Christmas is bery loaded with Ideals and Beliebens. To bring into focus that Christmas is about being together in true harmony changes the whole picture.
“the chaotic energy that drives Christmas” this part of a sentence stood out for me simply because at Christmas, a time where a large chunk of the world focus on having a “happy” time – most people end up deeply worrying about money and financial issues. This continues many months later and is in part the result of the chaotic energy of Christmas.
It occurred to me today how much Christmas is enjoyed, even with all the stressful parts and the over indulgences that can happen, it just is a genuinely cool time to be with eachother and to celebrate family, friendship, community, and more. And maybe that’s why we enjoy it so much, because deep down in side we love being together, we love being with people, as this brings us closer to who we are.
I used to be like a pressure cooking at Christmas time and I have to say it it was my least favourite time of year. I would react to it something chronic and would withdraw from the whole thing like it never existed; with that I realised how much I wanted to have family around but not all fake like for one day or a couple days, so I dropped the fake I don’t like Christmas. People make more of an effort to take the real experience everywhere with you, adds a whole new light.
I’ve got to say I had an awesome Christmas and New years this year not because of ‘doing’ anything in particular or special but for just celebrating and appreciating friends and family around me. This year I did not get caught up in any of the Christmas hype and instead enjoyed being me and spending quality time with others. = Simplicity is the way
I too love this Samantha. Keeping it simple is key as I then avoid going into the complication of perfectionism and the need to want to make every one ‘happy’. Simplicity supports me to be with me and then every one can enjoy the real me.
A great reminder Megan – “Remembering that Christmas can be simply about connection and being comfortable to be the real me only highlights this more, as this can be developed anytime, anyplace, and with anyone.” I found that this Christmas this was much more possible for me than any other Chrsitmas before that, and each day it becomes easier to stay present to that and let it develop and unfold as situations present themselves that we may find more challenging than others, where we may feel at ease with our surroundings and staying with us and connecting with others is just the norm.
I love this exploration into how we behave around christmas. It is of course never about one day in isolation because every day is an extension of days past and those to come. It feels really different and fresh to work with christmas as a time to reflect and observe carefully what has come and what we want to choose for what’s next.
” connection and being the real me” sure is the name of the real game, Megan! People do use Christmas to get together with loved ones, and are generally more open, loving and giving at this time. I feel it’s an indictment of our society and how we choose to live that we need an officially-declared single day to be connected and the real us, instead of every day all the time as you so wisely offer. However, for those people who don’t yet realize we have this ability any time, Christmas could be at least an opportunity for them to feel how truly loving we all can be, and want more of it in our lives. Then people could begin to live it on other days…. it would grow and spread. Is it possible that the reason there is so much hype, distraction and pressure at Christmas is in fact an intentional plan to try to prevent us having the experience of that true loving connection so that we don’t develop it any further? After all, people who are caught up in hype, distraction and pressure, and disconnected from themselves and each other, are easy to control en masse….
Thank you Megan for sharing your christmas experience and what you have realized about it. Since I am older I do not understood this hype about christmas and I am not a real fan of christmas. Therefore I love following insight: “I’ve come to realise that Christmas shouldn’t be a festival we celebrate for just one day a year.” YES I agree and if christmas would be like that I am sure I would love to celebrate it.
This Christmas I just focused on the connections I have with people and learning to share more of what I love about everyone in my life. It was amazing and it’s something that I will extend well beyond the Christmas period.
“If connection and being the real me is the name of the game, I don’t even have to wait; I can do that anytime I choose.” This is so, a great reminder that we just need to connect to self and express ourselves in full. There is no waiting or having to get there. We all have it in us all the time, the choice is ours to connect or not.
Thank you Megan
I recently spent December in Australia where I can say that our family did not go all out or make Christmas day any bigger than any other day. This was also supported by the fact that around the area, there were hardly any lights, no weird people dressed as santa and not too much cheesy music playing in shops. in fact it didn’t really feel like Christmas at all.
But what I did appreciate was the family coming together – which reminded me of the importance of people coming together and connecting well above and beyond a hype of a season and excess cash spent trying to buy gifts.
Connection is a gift. Family is a gift. Christmas day was gorgeous because it contained friends and family just coming together. No pressure or stress. Just connection.
A much needed blog as Christmas can be an unpleasent time for some, its an over commercialised event which starts in October and ends in an anti climax. I like the point being made that its about connection and that can be done all year round.
Thank you Megan for your sharing. Christmas has certainly changed from my early memories and experiences. We usually received one gift from my parents (Santa) and one from my Grand parents. I remember how precious those gifts were and we played with them all the time , I can actually remember what they were, children these days would find it difficult to remember who gave them and what. This is not the fault of the child. Parents feel the pressure to keep up and deliver what is the latest fad or technology , or risk disappointing the child. Its up to us to change this and not get pulled into the hype and pressure of what Christmas has become.
This is such a great point. And the fact that the cardboard box that the presents come in still remains the most played with item should be enough to stop most in their tracks. Surely the disappointment that the parents feel on spending so much time, energy and money on these often unwanted and uncherished gifts is something to consider further and perhaps learn from in the future.
Thank you Megan, you inspired and confirmed here how important it is to celebrate and be connected every day and be more and more just ourselves every day. This is it, no one is perfect also not me…learning to let that go and accept me in all that I am with my weaknesses and strengths just the way I am in full.
Thank you Megan. The one common thing about this day that is great is most of us have the day of many days off. This time of year has changed for me too. It’s not about getting excited or emotional, it’s about being me more than I’ve ever been before. This is the greatest gift I can give myself and anyone – allowing myself to be the real me.
It would be really great (not for the economy of course) if we could totally move on from the presents and decorations and all the wrapping paper etc and make it solely about a deeper connection to ourselves and others and use it as a marker to carry it on through to the coming cycle. I for one do not need the temptation of foods,not eaten at any other time of the year lying around in abundance.
I agree with you Kevin. Love your honesty regarding the temptation of foods – simply seeing food can be a temptation trigger to want to eat it, even if not wanted or needed.
Maybe we could get to a place where our understanding and commitment to one another would have us using all the resources (money included) currently funnelled into christmas in ways that have a lasting, restorative, healing impact on all our lives.
I agree Kevin, making Christmas about deepening our connection with ourselves and others sure would change how we would view Christmas. So as we feel this way is true for us my responsibility is to lead the way in developing a deeper connection with myself not just at Christmas time but on every day of the year. This then has the potential to bring about true change over the Christmas period and beyond.
So Christmas is over now, yet for me it still feels like Christmas. The other day instead of saying merry Christmas I said to my friend from the shop “merry connection, with yourself and others”, as he does not celebrate Christmas. And this is what I feel today, very connected, with myself and others. That is what it is about for me.
Love that Mariette ‘merry connection with yourself and others’ to carry that feeling all the year through and not just for the one day. Beautiful.
What I noticed in reading your blog Megan was that you learnt a very powerful lesson from a family Christmas and did not repeat behaviours that get us caught up in the hype of Christmas. Good for you I say; how powerful being you anytime!
“If connection and being the real me is the name of the game, I don’t even have to wait; I can do that anytime I choose.”
Our family have a different take on Christmas. Christmas is a cleansing period for us in preparation for the new cycle come the 1st January. It is a letting go and period of surrender rather than one of angst and accumulation.
I enjoy connecting with family and friends as at any other time of the year, appreciating myself and all that we have built and the next level of love that is available for us all.
Love it Deborah, what a beautiful way to celebrate Christmas by letting go and creating more space for the new cycle.
This blog and the comments that have followed are such an inspiration to consider the way I am choosing to live – with christmas simply as a marker to reflect on the year past and what I am inspired into for the future.
What I have learned this week that it’s possible to have my own perspective on Christmas and its craziness and yet be able to participate fully in Christmas festivities without judgement. Yesterday was spent with a family of 30, four generations, from 3 months to an eighty three year old, celebrating the day traditionally, with heart and playfulness. I found myself appreciating the abundance of blessings bestowed me: I became one of the family, connected with each person, and felt their light. All I had to do was just be me. A glorious day.
I like the reminder about making Christmas about connecting to each other rather than trying to get things perfect. The box ticking at Christmas time is quite hooking.
In my observations I have also noticed that there is an incredible amount of sadness around Christmas as we all have an inner knowing that THIS is not it.
Yes. So the presents get bigger and the decorations more elaborate to cover over all the stuff we do not want to feel… My experience is that the feelings keep getting through however extravagant the trimmings and it is not until we are prepared to be honest and open with ourselves and others that there is anything worth celebrating.
After working on it for many years, this Christmas was a little different for me. Usually by the beginning of December I’m in a frantic rush worrying about decorations, gifts to buy, cards to send and food to be prepared for that one meal! This year I didn’t make a conscious decision to not do those things I just didn’t feel too, I was no longer caught up as I saw others were, I would walk around the shopping centre simply observing people become more and more anxious as the day drew closer. We still had a great day with family enjoying a lovely dinner, it was a last minute decision but even with that there was no rush or frantic panic, and it was actually our best dinner Christmas ever! All prepared in harmony with time and space to enjoy each other’s company, there was not a huge focus on presents it was just another great family day.
Great blog Megan, Christmas has become a time of stress and anxiety for many, shopping for the right present, purchasing every type of food that may be asked for. What if our focus was just on connecting with people, having fun, and sharing a meal. It is as if we have forgotten how to just be with one another.
After just experiencing Christmas for another year, it is so true that there is an opportunity for more emphasis to be building and maintaining relationships each and everyday. Not just waiting for the one day of the year, that we place so much importance on.
I agree Megan – love of self and others should be a daily choice and celebrated in our livingness not only at Christmas. Christmas can highlight the absolute extremes for some, testing all of the false pictures, expectations and attachments. It can bring an opportunity to re-connect and renew relationships.
It is Christmas Day morning and I have noticed how I am missing the usual company I have around me at Christmas, as my partner and I are on our own this year, first time ever in 74 years! It is very interesting to observe the emotions that are coming up, and tugs to go back to the past. I know that every day can be Christmas Day, and you make it very clear Megan, that it is about connection. So where does that start? With myself. of course, and then meeting my partner with that connected self and so connecting with him, and then to anyone else I meet, and then appreciate it all. It is simple every day stuff. No need for any more than that, which is fulfilling in itself. The celebration we may arrange with family and friends is the extra, to affirm our connections.
Yes, keeping Christmas simple is key… connection and relationship within first ensures an abundant day, any day of the year.
That feels like and a beautiful day spent with your partner, don’t we all want more of those?
Thats great Megan, there is so much pressure people put on making Christmas day perfect. Yet they forget about how they are in the build up and after. So much money is spent on presents, food, alcohol yet it the quality family time that everyone really wants and craves. Yet sadly many settle and want to the picture perfect Christmas day instead of stopping to realise, as you have done, that you can have it everyday.
I agree, I think every day could be like Christmas and Christmas can be like every day, where we eat what we need to eat and no more, where we joy-fully connect with family and friends and the presents we give are love, appreciation and acceptance of each other as equals.
The word ‘trap’ is so appropriate and I’m sure most can relate to it being a time when you get pulled in to all the Christmas ‘cr*p’. A lot of people have that awareness and yet each year still fall for all the same tricks or treats… and yet, every year we get the opportunity again to make it different… thanks for your inspiration Megan, I’m making today about connection and being myself, not about food, presents and excitement…
This morning, which is Christmas Day, as I went on my walk it was beautiful to feel the openness of people as they said good morning and Merry Christmas. Now what would be awesome is if we as part of humanity were this open every single day of the year, not to wait for a special day to express love, but know that it can be everyday that we express love to each other.
This year I am spending Christmas on my own and it feels good to me. I used to wonder how people could do it and often felt sorry for them, judging that their lives were sad and lonely. My life is far from that, but this year I choose to spend it alone, connecting with friends and family by phone. I feel very content and very much like it’s another day. I’d definitely say that the growing sense of love for myself is an important factor here, because as long as I feel connected to the real me, it really doesn’t matter where I am and what’s happening around me. I no longer feel like I’m missing out, if I don’t do what others are doing.
We are never alone, separated or in the dark when love is burning brightly within us.
This is beautiful Shevon and testament to the growing and ever deepening love within yourself. There is absolutely no need for sadness or pity, just an appreciation and enjoyment, as there should be every single day.
Thank you for a stunning article Megan! Your final line “If connection and being the real me is the name of the game, I don’t even have to wait; I can do that anytime I choose.” cracks through the “christmas crazy” that it is so easy to get caught up in.
Once the trap door of Christmas is opened, one can fall in head over heels and spiral downwards just like Alice in Wonderland, who knows what crazy things can happen.
Megan this is a great blog and it is great to question the ‘events’ throughout the year that have become some thing that we just do because that is what is done. What ever the event – you are so spot on that it is about you deepening the connection with oursevlves and being All of Us in every moment. Then sharing that with Everyone that we meet along the way. What I have come to appreciate about Christmas that really it is about sharing time with the family and celebrating our year together and all that has happened. Taking stock and appreciating each other. Not to say that this doesn’t happen during the year but to come together which includes friends and simply being together.
Christmas is about spending time with people because we want to not because we have too. The craze of gifts is just a belief system which is not needed, if you choose to give, it should not be something you do by putting your self into debt. It is a time to share with others, so just being ourselves is the most beautiful way to share. It is not about one day, this connection and sharing should be a deepened for everyday with everyone
Our house no longer has any small children, which has made it an easy transition away from the madness that the holiday season has now become. Christmas is just a day when we can have a normal Sunday dinner with family with no pomp or pageantry and without excess. It is one of the only days of the year left in our busy life’s that we all have the same day off to enjoy a meal and have a walk in the park and just appreciate each other and the day.
As a child Christmas was a big deal with lots of presents, food, stress, family arguments and disappointments! Soon after leaving home I dropped the whole Christmas thing. I don’t “do” anything different for Christmas than any other day and neither does Christoph my husband. However, everyone around us does which means shops are closed, phones don’t ring and it is much quieter. I love Christmas as it is a great time for me to catch up with backlog of emails etc and I so enjoy the quiet and the contrast of being so still in the midst of the cyclone that I see going on around me and in the shops etc!
Yes Nicola, Christmas and Boxing Day are gorgeous for those very reasons. I fully enjoyed 25 December this year by allowing myself to come to a complete stop and deeply rest.
My husband and I have not “done” Christmas, Birthdays, Easter, Valentine’s Day or any of these for at least 15 years. We absolutely celebrate EVERY day together. Our money is totally joined so buying presents does not make sense and anyway we have no need to give each other any presents other than the present we give each other every day of being ourselves.
‘If connection and being the real me is the name of the game, I don’t even have to wait; I can do that anytime I choose.’ -Such a gorgeous and simple reminder Megan. I was out shopping yesterday for my one secret Santa present and it was interesting to feel the rush and frenetic energy others were in looking for presents and buying up big it was so full on I could even feel myself getting pulled into buying more gifts when it was clear I only had to buy one. Yes it is a Christmas trap and when we don’t fall into it and reflect to others a different way to experience it with love and true connection with others – it is really the 1 true present we all want, and the best part is this gift keeps on giving 24/7.
This is what I am doing too Megan- ” … I wasn’t looking for a checklist on how to make my house pretty or what the top ten bestselling presents this season were, I was looking for support on how to stay within myself and be more relaxed during the ‘silly season’ – this is my aim, as in the past I had all these expectations and of course, the dis-appointment as they didn’t unfold as I had hoped. This year I am feeling much more settled within myself, have no agenda on certain food preparations or house preparations, instead I am letting things come as they are, just breathing through and allowing for what must, to be.
I’m with you Michelle. Taking on less of the hype and bringing more love. This is a very good formula to go by at this time of year!
Since I am out of the trap that Christmas can put you in as you so beautifully share Megan, I utterly enjoy Christmas. It started this year with a Christmas dinner with my work colleagues, then a Sunday afternoon with friends and will continue with my family visiting and more meeting of friends. It is a time where everybody makes the space to come together and I love the celebration of that.
I can remember some of my presents that I received over the years as a child but they are empty memories. My ‘full’ memories are being altogether as one big family Christmas eve and Christmas day. Playing with my cousins, sitting at the kids table for lunch and performing our annual concert for our parents. These are great memories.
What I mainly remember about our family Christmas growing up is every-one getting drunk and huge arguments breaking out due to all the unresolved hurts in the family. Then certain family members would storm out of the house swearing and screaming. These are my happy memories of Christmas !!!!!. My Christmas is very different now …loving family gatherings where we celebrate and en-joy being together.
Oh gosh Mary Louise you are definitely not alone there. Not that I had a direct experience but you always heard stories. Time for us all to make every day about love and no less.
This year my family’s Christmas is about connection and spending time with one another and keeping the cooking low key. I’m really looking forward to just spending time with my family and the feeling is mutual as my nieces and nephews ranked me in their top 3 best things about Christmas – spending the whole day with me. How awesome is that!
In the city where I have worked for 6 Christmases I have been able to observe the build up that happens each year ready for the Big Day. It starts with the Christmas Market that brings in thousands of people from all over the country into the city. Then there is a lull before the final week when schools break up and the madness really begins. Working in a super market I witness each Christmas how the amount of food that people buy does not equate to the amount that people could eat, by Christmas Eve the shelves will not be able to be stocked fast enough for the demand that is required for the days of Christmas. People buy way more than is needed and they admit this, but the need to please or impress seems far greater at this time of the year.. Everyone is swept into an ideal of how they think Christmas should be instead of the simplicity of celebrating what true family is and means to us.
Many people use Christmas as an excuse to indulge in heaps of food, a bit like Easter where it is an excuse to eat heaps of chocolate. Christmas brings up a lot for people because they have an idea about how Christmas day should look and try to live up to this expectation. Those with out families think they are missing out and numb out on food and alcohol and those with families numb out too because the connection they are yearning for is not there. Christmas can be a very emotional time for many people.
Megan I just have to say looking at your photo brightens my day! I can feel such joy and a deep care for people – I am very inspired!
Thanks so much Samantha! That’s lovely to hear 🙂
Megan, there is such a subtlety that could be explored here, like the quick ‘clean up’ before some comes over, if we are choosing to live a certain way, why hide this? if the way we live, we feel is not a good look or worthy of our guests, why live this way in the first place, for we are just as worth.
Joel, I was looking at this just last week with guests coming for the weekend. I have always been one, and also experienced this as a child growing up, that everything would need to be cleaned and tidy before someone was allowed to step foot in the house…and if it wasn’t the stress levels would be through the roof. This has changed considerably over the years, and as a family we now keep our house mostly organised, tidy and clean for us first, but what I noticed with friends coming was that there were those little things that had been nagging at us for months, that we didn’t do until someone was coming. This was a great gift in itself for us all to notice!
Great point Joel,so revealing about lack of love for ourselves.
Megan thank you for such a great and very timely blog. I recall as a child loving Christmas, the playing with friends and family, seeing my cousins who I did’t see very often, sitting around the dinner table telling stories and laughing. I loved the presents too and the expression of love that the gift meant. As an adult and working a lot of Christmases this changed. For many years I “bar humbugged” by way through Christmas. But really this was only my reaction to the expectations I had on this day and because of me being consumed in this reaction, I was connecting firstly to myself, and definitely not to others, part of this was the knowing that in truth Christmas day is no different to any other day. It presents the same opportunities in all of our relationships as every other day. This was part of my reaction and rather than take responsibility for this and make the effort everyday, I got stuck in reaction mode. I really appreciate your sharing here Megan and asking me consider the true meaning of christmas.
Thank you Megan for your timely blog, for a number of years now I have taken myself out of the rush and frenzy that is all around at Xmas time. The beautiful thing about Xmas is that families get together, people catch up with friends that they have not seen for sometime. The strange part is that all this is only focused on one day of the year, with the having to buy presents, and have to do it that day. Celebrating who we are with family and friends, in fact the world is the best present of all.
OK so you receive loads of Christmas cards from people you haven’t sent one to – what do you do? Send them one? But they’ll only think you sent it because you got theirs and they are not really on your list. Send nothing? Will they think you’re mean? What is a Christmas card for? Why do we waste reams of card, stamps, time, on something that’s only going to be recycled? We do it to be ‘nice’ or we do it to show we are thinking about them, but why only once a year? Why not communicate more often? Call them, send an email, go and visit.
Hi Carmel, Gosh I had forgotten until I read your comment how Mum would make us sit down and write Christmas cards to loads of people of whom we did not know. It was all a show no true love or appreciation just a duty you did each year. We did not want to do it, isn’t any wonder, we would have been feeling how wrong it all was, but being told something different. No wonder as kids we loose trust in how we feel as it often is made wrong by those we deem as knowing more.
Great blog Megan bringing truth and understanding to christmas time and what goes on and what we can choose to enjoin or hold ourselves still with love and see the real picture. Sharing and getting together is what it is all about I know but even this morning someone talked about getting presents who we were sharing Christmas with and i noticed how for a moment i went into the drama and hype that i should get some presents to somehow not be left out and to enjoin others . Then i had to look at this and see where was the love in this . A great sharing and time to ponder and see thank you .
Megan, your blog does indeed “expose the Christmas trap” as it highlights how strong the consciousness of ‘special’ occasions is and how we build up a momentum of looking forward to that day and then reminiscing about it. The ‘fundamental elements’ are that we all want to connect with each other and share but so often this gets overlooked with the stressful leadup to the day and the distraction of presents and special food which takes everyone away from themselves so that they are not able to truly connect. As you say “the fundamental elements which make this day special can actually be lived every day of the year” and Serge Benhayon shows us that it is possible to “live openly every day”.
I like the way that christmas comes back around again each year, just like Megan has said, giving us a chance to have another go. The fact that this opportunity is not always seen or appreciated is not important, was seems most important to me is the returning once again to a point in time where we can see just how much we have learned, changed, or remained stuck in old patterns.
I am working in retail this year and I am right in the thick of the ‘Christmas Spirit’!! Yet amongst all the hype, the music the decorations, the purchasing of gifts, etc…everyone doesn’t actually look like they are doing so well. More people are freaking out, looking exhausted, are more anxious and are quite frankly, overwhelmed. I watch people literally draining themselves by spending ridiculous amounts of money out of obligation. What are we doing all of this for again? You’ve answered some great questions Megan, that need to be asked. Great blog!
Beautiful Megan, you have just written the article you were looking for!
Megan, I can really feel how this has happened for me this year, ‘I had once again been swept up in the hype of the season. It’s so easy to do – the commercialisation of the season relentlessly pushes to entice, excite and enthral us at every turn.’ After years of not really celebrating Christmas, just enjoying time with my family, simple walks, a few fairy lights, I can feel how this year has felt very different, my son has just started school and the children talk about Christmas for weeks, they have lots of Christmas ‘treats’ such as films, sweets and cakes, they have their nativity plays, it is a non-stop roller coaster and my son and from what i have observed many if the children are hyped up into a Christmas frenzy and are exhausted at the end of this term, I can feel how because i didn’t want my son to be left out how i have got caught up in the christmas commercialism and am as a result pretty exhausted myself.
Great blog Megan. Marketing strategies are a powerful magnet that pulls one out of a steady natural rhythm and into the ‘slip stream’ that drags you along into a frenzy of buying more than you need, and expectations of something having to be so grand, and perfect. In this, it can become all about the presents, the food, the party when it naturally is a time to for people to unite and come together.
It is amazing the pressure everyone feels in the lead up to Christmas – the preparation, the build up, the need to bring closure to everything prior to the day, and yet we never stop to deeply question why it needs to be this way.
Good point, Adam. We are preparing for what for many is the most beautiful time of the year, yet we totally ignore the pressure and stress in ourselves and all around us. How can it be that we wish for a peaceful, still and joyful Christmas and prepare for it as if we were preparing a massive war?
I asked the same question at work today. Staff are trying to finalise things or complete things before Christmas and creating pressure on themselves and other staff members. Why? It’s just one day and then we look back and see all the manic madness that lead up to that day and vow we will do it differently next year, only to repeat the same pattern. I feel some people are Christmas junkies. They love the pressure, drama and last minute shopping. It gives them a high.
Yes, we put a lot of pressure on this couple of days, it is like we want to make up for everything we missed out on during the year. If we use the rest of the year to build our relationships and share our love then Christmas can be simply the celebration of that and does not need to fulfill such huge expectations and needs.
I will make Christmas a celebration that is truly important for me and those i love and will spend the day with, to connect and be together. I will not be controlled by our ‘crazy’ put your values in the materialism/consumerism cloud.
Me neither, for me Christmas is like any other day and I am not going into any christmas drive or craziness. Just spending time with family and having a lovely time.
Maybe that is what Christmas is truly about – to simply connect and come together, from our busy lives for one day…yet its like we just can’t stop, it becomes getting presents, shopping etc, it want it to be special…DOING all this and yet at the end of the day, many are exhausted with fat heavy belly’s…a satisfaction for some, for many, but not a lasting one.
Connecting and being together and appreciating each other for the year past, for being together on this day and bringing love to the equation is priceless yet ‘free’.
Great blog. What I have realised more this year is how EVERYTHING points us towards not staying with ourselves and just being. Particularly the shops with Black Friday, Cyber Monday and then more and more sales leading up to Christmas it is encouraging us to go into this spending frenzy of thinking we are saving when actually we are doing the completed opposite. It leads us away from ourselves and the truth of relationships to instead making everything really superficial, and it is on such a mass scale that it is easy to be swept up in.
So true Vicky, everything in the lead up to Christmas is about frenzy and excess. There is so much about going crazy, living it up, because we deserve it, mentality. There is not a true value for the fact it really is just another day, so Megan I love what you have presented for us to look more deeply into and having more balance in how we look at every other day in the year, not just making Christmas special.
How true, great point Vicky, sale times do make us spend more money that we wouldn’t normally be spending. I just got home from the shopping centre where there were boxing day sales, talk about a spending frenzy! We were in the clothing section of a major department store and there were clothes everywhere, all over the floor, off their racks, just like everyone had gone crazy. It was a real statement of what this energy actually does to us.
Yes – the frenzy of Christmas certainly sets us up to feel inadequate, rushed and pressured. Having lived through decades of Christmases now, I can say that it never gets any easier – in fact, it has intensified over time and the perfectionism and idealism of which you write, Meagan, have expanded and become way more complicated over the years. I find it a strange concept these days that we can only connect with family at certain times of the year: it says a lot about who we are living …..perhaps we need to look more closely at that?
My 3 children finished school yesterday, the school gates were filled with parents & children longing for the promise of the holidays, rolling to the end of term in an exhausted heap. In the past I have been swept into this mould, saying yes to way more than i can handle, allowing everyone to stay up later (as if its some treat), consequently all becoming increasingly irritable and so we drag ourselves to the last day of term and flop exhausted into the holidays!
Not this year.
Three weeks ago i told us that it was super important that we look after ourselves extra well, take ourselves to bed early and not get spun into the Christmas frenzy. I explained that their teachers may become increasingly stressed and were under lots of pressure to deliver perfect school performances etc before the end of term.
Together we have observed without judgement this familiar behaviour.
I am aware of our steadiness and on this the first morning of our holidays i can say that we are all in great shape.
There is not a christmas decoration in sight and currently no presents to boot – but i would not change this for the world because i know that in looking after myself /ourselves we are all more connected and still and this is all that matters beyond the perfectly dropped tinsel, the brimming fridge and the laden shopping bags.
Lucinda, what you have shared here is totally inspiring, I can actually feel your solidness through the words. How you have chosen to live feels like true love to me, so far removed from what Christmas traditionally brings.
Megan, we seem so confined with the ideals and beliefs, traditions and ways of doing tat it is almost as if we are not allowed to do it differently. I love how you say it is so easy to get caught up as there are so many doing it. But by writing your blog you have shared the permission you have given yourself with many others and are sintering a whole new way of celebrating.
Megan what you share about Christmas is true for all those occasion we have somehow deemed more special. You show what it does when we adopt a picture of how something should be instead of feeling for ourselves what it is about and what a loving expression would be.
Christmas is a great excuse for people to numb themselves far more than normal and if we took away the things that numb us about Christmas then many would feel that there was nothing left at all !
Thank you Megan. When we start to feel the love and spark of the soul in the body for no reason, it is quite a moment. I don’t mean for no reason because it is natural to actually live like this as it comes from an internal source, not something exterior to us which we depend upon to make us feel a certain way. When the love of the soul is there, who needs Christmas or birthdays!
Thank you Megan – I remember the times when I was all in with Christmas, the tension around it was huge. It is crazy to observe that the demands (for presents, a perfect home, the insane amounts of food) seem to increase in our ‘western world’ – when will it be enough? When will we come to understand that we have lost our true selves in this constant chase for a better life? I love what you say here ‘If connection and being the real me is the name of the game, I don’t even have to wait; I can do that anytime I choose.’ I couldn’t agree more.
I could really connect to the stress I have lived in around Christmas. Rushing around to get the best presents, to “get it right”, all the pressure I put myself under to please others and how I tied both my calm (or lack thereof) and worth to these tasks. There is so much pressure on one day instead of a steady celebration each day of loving connection to the self and others.
The build up to Christmas is crazy, you can feel it start way before the day and it happens every year! Totally agree with the anxiety and pressure many feel as people are ‘supposed to be having fun’ Eleanor. For many Christmas is a time of extreme stress.
This can be similar for birthdays , as we put all our attention on ‘one day’ and miss out on the amazing love, joy and connection that we can be and bring every day.
A timely blog indeed! Christmas is absolutely the most chaotic time of the year – organising presents, the tree, house decorations, secret santa’s, work parties, family get togethers, christmas eve celebrations AND christmas dinner can all be a bit much, and it’s crazy to think that almost 7 billion people go through this routine every year without the bat of an eyelid! This period where the kids are off school and many people have time off work can be a wonderful opportunity to connect and have fun together, but often everyone is so caught up in the lead up, event and aftermath of ‘Christmas’ to actually rest and take some time out!
“If connection and being the real me is the name of the game, I don’t even have to wait; I can do that anytime I choose” Great line. Why wait till Christmas to have a ‘special’ day of connecting to our loved ones when every day can be a ‘special’ day.
Exactly Eleanor, why wait once a year, this is how we can live daily – connecting and being ourselves with others…this actually is a very enriching way to live, to connect is gold.
I remember getting so exciting about getting presents from Santa that I was never able to sleep on Xmas Eve. Most of my attention was on the presents and massive amounts of food and chocolate we were allowed to eat. But another lasting feeling in my memories of Xmas as a child was being together with family who I didn’t see so often, and enjoying that time we spent together. The excitement of the presents wore off pretty much instantaneously, but the warm feeling of having everyone together didn’t fade.
That last sentences is so important to consider “Because we want to, not because we ‘have to’. So much of what we do during celebrations such as christmas is driven by the feeling that we have to do it. Like christmas cards, having turkey, and in my family there was a whole schedule laid out of times for opening presents, eating, going for a walk etc. I remember also this feeling of anxiety in my family because we all felt we had to be having fun and enjoying each others company because that’s what you have to do on Christmas day. Ironically there was usually some kind of explosion somewhere. This year I am making it about having no expectations, and just spending time with my family, and seeing how the day unfolds without any imposition of what we have to do.
Eleanor, I laughed out loud when you referred to the inevitable explosion – with all that pressure, yes, someone would have had to explode!! I have also witnessed this myself – it usually occurs in my situation with the one who is taking the greatest sense of ( false ) responsibility for making sure that everything is perfect. This is, in fact, a sense of inordinate control – wanting to control every twist, turn, breath of the day. Yes – no wonder they explode!! Even God doesn’t have that amount of control!
Your new version of Xmas sounds absolutely lovely – one we could all breath our breath with 🙂
I can relate to your sharing Eleanor, same in my family too, every year there would be some kind of explosion…..making the day about spending time with your family and letting go of ‘what we have to or should be doing’, sounds far more supporting in truly connecting and ‘being’ together.
Working in retail I tend to work every year on Christmas eve. This is something that I love because people suddenly become more open. There is a sense of community as everyone prepares for the same event. People open to conversation and wish each other well. Even within all the retail hype and stress that usually comes with Christmas the central message seems not to be lost. What feels sad is that this is not extended to the rest of the year. Why do we save this openness just for Christmas?
Great question Rebecca, why do we save this openness just for Christmas? I would also add, that this time of year brings up a lot for families, with most of the times there is a pretense that plays out that ‘we are all one big happy family’ when the reality is anything but! Oh how we humans like to fool ourselves……
I understand exactly what you mean Rebecca, every single day is a celebration of every moment and every person we meet is such a blessing. All year round every day we need to look out for each other, hold each other with love and celebrate each other.
Great question Rebecca. I feel as if surely everyone must have asked a similar question at some point, only to resign to the fact that it only happens at Christmas and just accept things the way they are on every other day. Why do we settle for less than we know is possible and actually a true and joyful way of living?
I observe the same Rebecca, people being more open at Christmas time and feel what a shame it is this openness isn’t sustained every day of the year. I feel there is a joy that comes with lavishing attention and focus on something, then that joyfulness inside gets let out and that is why the openness is easy at Christmas. And so all it would take is people choosing to focus on themselves each and every day, aka self love and self nurturing. Something Serge Benhayon has been presenting for 15 years! It does work.
The way I see Christmas Megan is that it is a huge imposition and one that many of us have bought into, and I was no exception. Granted, it can be a time of celebration, a coming together of friends and family. But it seems that we have chosen to forget what the true meaning of Christmas really is. There are many people who live alone and can feel lonely at Christmas, or who may not have lots of money to spend on gifts and end up feeling guilty because they can’t keep up with everyone else. And then we buy our children those expensive presents and they end up on the floor playing with the cardboard box! What is all this consumerism and greed showing our children? Have we lost the true meaning of Christmas, the life of Jesus. To me Christmas seems like more of a celebration of a fictional character dressed in red and white who likes to climb down peoples chimneys in the middle of the night…
I used to buy into Christmas, getting caught up in the panic buying and storing of food that never got eaten. Spending too much on Christmas presents and never feeling like I had given enough. and feeling down if I didn’t have a Christmas party to go to. The best part of the Christmas for me was the sharing with the family however, which I loved. But you are right Megan, why can’t it be like this all the year round, appreciating ourselves and our families and friends and celebrating just because we can and not waiting for an excuse of a ‘special occasion’ to do so.
For me Christmas is just another day, I keep it simple, just a few simple gifts, no hype, stress or anxiety and it feels like a weight off my shoulders not getting caught up in it. After all, what have we made Christmas all about really? Could it just be one massive distraction, taking us further away from ourselves, and a poor substitute for the Love that we are missing for, and within ourselves.
Megan I can very much relate to your sharing. There was a time that Christmas day meant everything to me, the one day out of the year that was guaranteed that my whole family would be together in one place. Because of that I put so much pressure on the day I often would end up in tears, exhausted before the day had begun. Today I barely register Christmas as it no longer means all that it once did. I still very much enjoy it but the difference is I no longer need it.
Awesome Caroline…..’I still very much enjoy it but the difference is I no longer need it.’ Perfect for me to read today and how my Christmas will be this year!
Agreed Caroline, I too used to find this time of year immensely pressured. I was over invested in the presents making everything alright, easing the old hurts that would surface around my family members.
Caroline, I can relate to this, ‘There was a time that Christmas day meant everything to me, the one day out of the year that was guaranteed that my whole family would be together in one place. Because of that I put so much pressure on the day I often would end up in tears’, as a child it was the day that was meant to be happy and fun, I always felt disappointed as it never lived up to the movies or the expectations I had. I find now that treating Christmas day as the same as any other day takes the pressure off, I love to keep it simple, be with my family, share lunch and not have a picture in my head of the ‘perfect’ Christmas.
Yes there is so much pressure connected to the expectation and build up of Christmas day that many of us crack under pressure. Great to now know that it doesn’t have to be that way that we can make Christmas day about love, connection and family without the hype.
It is an amazing thing to watch as so many of us go into a kind of overdrive during this time of year. Everything gets cranked up to 11. There is a race to do more, buy more, be more charitable, be a better person than we are, etc. etc. etc. All supposedly based on celebrating someone who said that ‘The Kingdom of God is within you’. In other words, everything and all that you are and would ever need is within you already, there is nothing outside of yourself that is greater than that.
This does not mean that we cannot celebrate, or that we should not enjoy being with our friends and family at this time of year, far from it. In fact, bringing the fact of all of ourselves to everyone is something to celebrate, but as you have shared, Megan, being joyful is not just for Christmas, it is for life.
Hmmmmm..I don’t think that person said, ” The Kingdom of God is within you …..only one day a year,” either, Naren 😉
It definitely does not say that in the bible….I’ve checked!
I have noticed around me that people this month are less connected to themselves and each other. With the stress of having to do so much in preparation for the ‘big event’ the days leading up to it cannot then be felt as special. It is as if people are being carried on an adrenalin rush to get through only to feel exhausted once Christmas is over. I know that I have experienced this for myself in the past and to now live in a way that is steadier and values each day brings so much more joy.
A friend shared with me that he was asked to come up with a gift to offer for a ruffle at a business Christmas function and he made a voucher inviting the winner to come out for a drink with him in his local area. Offering his own company as a gift – what a cool idea.
I love the way you expose Christmas and in fact any other day that we choose to put out there as ‘special’. Ironic that by doing this we are in effect cementing the idea that all the other days are somehow ‘not-special’! And what a clever let out clause so we do not have to be aware that it is us that is making every single day special or not and it is not the occasion itself at all.
I enjoy Christmas so much more since I have found more steadiness and consistency in my life generally, the highs and lows of life are now replaced with a general feeling of wellness and appreciation for life. This has flowed into events that occur throughout the year, I have no need to make them special, life is now a pleasure everyday. Yes there are challenges and some days are more tricky than others but this consistency allows for me to enjoy Christmas or any other day more fully. Christmas is an opportunity to be with more people and reflect and build relationships, this is an opportunity that I take.
Beautiful sharing Samantha, I too feel a sense of solidness and consistency that can be carried from day to day throughout the year regardless of special events or difficult moments.
What is wonderful about this blog site is how it brings forwards aspects of our everyday lives and offers the opportunity to understand and see things as they are and also how it is possible to live a life that outwardly does not look so different but inwardly leaves us free or less bound by commonly accepted ideals that are not always best for our sanity or our health. This blog brings to mind the ideal ‘what matters at Christmas is the family being together’. I fully support families coming together (whether they be blood family or not) but what I feel gets lost between the ideal of being together and the outplay of this is how we are with each other, that is, the quality that we are in when we come together. Do we bring our vital and true selves or do we bring the crumbs left over after running ourselves raged in our everyday lives? Are we our true selves when with family or another, lesser version of ourselves? Best of all Megan is how in this blog you suggest that if we are to rock up and do this on Christmas day then why not be like this every day- perhaps I’ll consider it practice for next Christmas…..
What a beautiful blog to share Megan about just being ourselves at Christmas as well as all times of the year and with everyone. Christmas certainly can come with a host of distractions that laces the period leading up to Christmas and condenses on the day taking us away from being connected with ourselves and therefore others – losing the very connection we want and even what we say ‘is what really matters’ at Christmas time.
The Christmas cheer is so often Christmas stress isn’t it. What I am noticing this year is that it is a time when people start to wind down from the yearly routine of working, schooling etc that keeps us in a certain momentum, and get ready for a holiday period, and that there is an openness with that. It is a time when there is an opportunity to be with people, to share ourselves. Staying out of the Christmas preparation stress is a great reflection for others, who I find appreciate a moment of just being, in celebration, of us.
I agree Megan, what we may choose to celebrate at Christmas is something we can choose to celebrate every day, and why wouldn’t we?
Absolutely – when we live connected and surrender to the love we are, we will soon discover this is a normal way to live.
Megan, I have shared your article with some of my coach clients, who spoke about Christmas stress and they all loved it. They got different things out of it and most enjoyed the freedom it offered to consider a different way to approach Christmas. What is different for our family this year is that we will have ‘Christmas dinner’ starting at 4pm so each of us can be home in time to unwind and sleep in their own rhythm. The willingness to let go of ‘how we always did it or how it should be’ is already laying a gorgeous connecting foundation for us all coming together next week.
How awesome Monika. Thanks so much for sharing the blog and I’m so glad that you and your friends were able to use it to have a new perspective on how Christmas can be ‘done’.
“If connection and being the real me is the name of the game, I don’t even have to wait; I can do that anytime I choose.” I agree Megan, we all can choose this today and everyday, and bring all of who we are to everyone, staying open and real to all whom we meet, not just family and friends. We don’t need to wait for special occasions, such as Christmas or birthdays, we can let our love and hearts shine out with all everyday.
We place ourselves under so much self inflicted pressure to create what we believe to be the perfect Christmas, from a external pictures and what we are fed from the media, it often can turn out to be a conflicting time with family and friends, as we are not relaxed and present with each other, but busy trying to uphold and create the picture of our perfect Christmas.
i love how you say self inflicted Thomas as even though the pressures around us our undeniable in the end it is us who choose to go along with it.
Absolutely awesome Megan, that you are exposing how we get swept up in the Christmas frenzy and all the pictures and ideals and images of how it should be, making it all about this so called unique day, bigger, better presents, food and decorations, and the stress and disappointment this can lead to. Christmas is such a huge mass global event, and a massive commercial one as well, but I feel its really an opportunity for people to come closer together, drop the differences and unite together, and if that can be for that one day, then its possible for everyday.
Exactly Thomas – if we can drop the differences and unite together for this one day, then why not everyday?
A great blog, Megan, you have pointed out the great pitfall we so often fall into when we are planning christmas celebrations. We can be so into making it all perfect. I did it for some years, having the family together for the ‘perfect meal’ etc. But now for me, a great christmas is for the family to come together to celebrate themselves and enjoy a true connection with each other. And I quite agree, why should we not bring this into our everyday living, living each day in loving connection with each other. And now for me, my blood family is not all my family, but now encompasses a much wider group of wonderful people. Sometimes, I feel that I would rather have a quiet picnic with friends at christmas, celebrating ourselves and our friendship, rather than feeling the old pressure of family ‘duty’ etc. that we so often believe in. I would rather now make family celebrations an everyday way that we all live together, why just set one day of the year aside to celebrate. I will no longer ration celebration in my life.
We can celebrate everyday of the year, why limit it to just one day a year? Christmas Day should be like every other day, a celebration of ourselves and people. Christmas seems to be too focused on presents and consuming that we get so distracted from connecting to ourselves and our family. It is very easy to do because we see this being lived by others but it definitely doesn’t have to be crazy, we can choose to celebrate in a different way, a loving, simple and harmonious way. By letting go of expectations, allowing ourselves to just be and to celebrate with our connection and not with presents, food and alcohol but with our hearts and our presence.
Great comment Richard. I agree that the quality of our presence that we bring and the loving connection we share with our family and friends is by far the best shining never-ending present ever.
Megan this is such an important message that you share – thank you. That Christmas can be simply about love, connection and being ourselves with others. Being caught up in the hype and expectations of Christmas was something that always left me exhausted and wondering what the point was. But now I realise there is so much more and so I love how you say that the ‘fundamental elements which make this day special can actually be lived every day of the year.’- how very true. As I have found that when the focus is on our togetherness there is much more space to then appreciate this, rather than engaging in the stress and pressures of expectations that rob us from all that is naturally already there to enjoy and celebrate – us and our togetherness.
We accidentally created a way of opening presents without all the hoop la, most of our family is on the other side of the world time zone, wise for them to have time with our daughter. The first year she was old enough we skyped each person and she opened their present with them and then played with it and then there was space before calling the next person and it was over a night and day, it was great and took all that anticipation and rush that I have seen happen with kids and xmas day. It can become crazy with all that people want to give kids, I find it hard to stay with what I know to be true and that isn’t coming wrapped up in a box, its in my heart and my eyes and being with her.
Exactly a lovely day where everyone can be completely present with each other, no one can work! Surely that is what every dinner meal should look and feel like, all us really with each other and sharing our day, week, year.
Megan, you are right in that this time of year is all about the hype and festivities, often described as the ‘silly season’ -but as I too have been reflecting on Christmas and why I ‘like it’ – I can very much see the truth of this is in simply having the whole family come together. But then of course I have to ask myself why do I look forward to one occasion of the year when it could be this way all year round? It is a great question to ask especially at this time of year.
I have had many a conversations over the last nine years when I tell people I don’t do christmas, as I refuse to get pulled into the hype and expectation of what one day should look like. For me to practice this is huge because I was drawn into christmas from every angle, I can honestly say I was owned by christmas and the idea of what a perfect christmas should look like. Everything from having the perfect gifts, perfect tree, house had to look a certain way, christmas music to get into the christmas spirit, christmas TV shows and films. Looking back I can see how the christmas consciousness can have us acting out of character and is so exhausting. The ideal of christmas has become a exercise or should I say an excuse to abuse ourselves and others.
Christmas can resemble an emotional battle ground with heightened emotions and anxiety on all sides in the months leading up to the day. When it comes to the care of aged, parents siblings jockey over who should take responsibility. The parent wants to know who will ‘make the day’ for them. There can be disappointment when expectations are not met or resentment when responsibility for the day rests with one person. This scenario usually plays out in families where there is not a true loving connection all year round. Many families have lost the beauty of elders being central to family life. Celebrating Christmas with them is often seen as a burden, not a joy. And why wait for Christmas. When we communicate with love each and every day, Christmas is just another day to connect and be with family.
Yes Megan I have found too that to have a beautiful celebration together with others I have to fully let go of control and perfection. The ultimate way to not let love in is to focus on that everything is perfect and measuring myself by that instead of making it about love and how beautiful it is to be together.
Indeed Lieke – control and perfection an insidious set up we have bought into.
Wow there is so much gold in what you’ve shared Megan! I just realised reading it how I can focus on ‘is this enough to give or does this represent what we have together’ at Christmas time, forgetting how normal, gorgeous and meaningful our relationships are with family, friends and work colleagues any other time of the year. There is nothing we need to give each other that means more than opening up and letting each other in. I find I’m going along relaxed about Christmas but that slowly starts to change and I feel myself getting wound up when presents start to arrive, and I go into ‘oh should I give more’. Great to start seeing what is at play here. Your sharing is a great support, thanks Megan.
For several years now my husband and I have instigated an early Christmas gathering (as in several weeks prior to 25 Dec) with my extended family interstate. This is partially because my husband works over Christmas, and partially because we both wanted to spend quality time with the family outside of the mad Xmas rush. When we meet we don’t do presents, no one cooks or cleans and we usually meet for an alcohol-free breakfast in a restaurant. I’ve actually enjoyed extended conversation with my relatives for the first time ever. A true joy.
Victoria this is deeply considerate at supportive of your whole family together. Beautiful.
Christmas has been a time of intense stress for me in the past. I felt I had to do something about it because the two weeks off never felt like a holiday, but more of a period to ‘get through.’ Its funny how we can fall into the trap of trying to be perfect and making it all about this one day. I love your final statement – ‘If connection and being the real me is the name of the game, I don’t even have to wait; I can do that anytime I choose.’ Then the focus changes and we don’t need to fall for the hype which really does take us out of ourselves.
People all around the world seem to take the idea of special festivities way too far. I’m thinking of news reports of so-called celebrations in various countries that have ended in stampedes and deaths. Where have we come to when out-of-control crowds are considered an unfortunate norm? Isn’t there something in this that might indicate we are taking these ‘special days’ several steps too far?
This is a different kind of ‘bah humbug’ you present Megan. Not one that denounces the idea of getting together with people but questions why all the pressure for just one day – and one where we’re most likely busy not being ourselves. It doesn’t make sense and it’s expensive to boot. And, as you say, connection isn’t just for a special group. We can connect with anyone, any day of the year.
I like your style Michelle you guys are leading the way by taking the hassle and the hype and the silliness out of this normally crazy time of year. The thing is so many kids get so many toys that it just becomes a frenzy, generally fuelled by copious amounts of sugary foods. No good ever comes of it.
I love this Monica, really beautiful and I totally agree.
I have felt that sense of freedom as I have prepared for Christmas this year too Susan. I only put my tree up this week when normally I would put it up in November and once I had it up in late October! I almost didnt put it up at all but I am glad that I have because i felt the joy of doing it in my own time this year and I did it for me, no one else. I would normally be studying recipe books and trawling the internet for recipes, spending lots of time and money on getting everything perfect and all for nothing really! I got stressed out and resentful and my family didnt really mind either way about the food so its was all me imposing my ideals and beliefs about Christmas onto them. Apart from one little blip this year i have done hardly any of that and when i did feel that momentum creeping in i caught myself very quickly and moved on.
I love that Richard, the best present of all or the star on top of the tree is most certainly our connection with ourselves and others which is an all year round affair!
My too Katie. As I read Megan’s blog it felt like a distant memory, getting into the hype of Christmas. These days I am concentrating on being present (pardon the pun) to the best of my ability every day!
“Remembering that Christmas can be simply about connection and being comfortable to be the real me …” – super and key point Megan, as Christmas has become a time for so many where everything is made up, faux or phoney looking all tinsel-nice on top, with pent up expression underneath….such that it all seems to come out at this time of year to make Christmas the stress or disappointment that’s experience as opposed to the otherwise joyful time that everyone could be having with family and friends. When we’re in this energy of what could be called chaos, we remove the simplicity of realness. Realness is what everyone connects to, and enjoys. Yes, realness – not just for Christmas ; )
Reading your sharing Megan and then the comments, the main issue re:. Christmas seems to be the pressure we put on ourselves concerning perfection. perfect gifts perfect meal etc. My feelings are that we need to come back to why we celebrate, and what we are celebrating! Is it the birth of Jesus and the Religious side to it or is it the commercial money making side? It is lovely to share the day with family and friends and sharing our Love, opening up a healing for all by seeing who we truly are, all one!
Sounds like this Christmas is going to be even more enjoyable for you Megan due to how you are organising it already.
There is so much pressure placed on the one day of Christmas to be a perfect day of magic and goodwill but perhaps this is because deep down we all know that we don’t have love and connection with others or ourselves the rest of the year and Christmas for many is an enforced stop and reassessment of their life. But it does not have to be this way. It could simply be a time when geographically family members comes together to be with each other once per year to share about the year and confirm the relationships that have been built the rest of the year.
That feels amazing and so simple – just people getting together and enjoying each other’s company and the shared togetherness.
It’s what my aim is too – and it does not have to be on one special day a year, we can make many celebrations of us in joy-full togetherness with others.
What I really like about your sharing here Megan is the fact that we can make life about true connection with ourselves and with others every day of the year. This way of living doesn’t have to be saved up and presented just one day in a year…we can live this way every single day….and thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine many are changing their lives and choosing to live this way every day.
Thank you so much Megan for shedding light on what can otherwise be a very ‘frenetic’ time. It is so easy to get caught up in the present buying and meal preparing that we lose the essence of what we actually want at this time (and all the time) which is connection – to ourselves and with others. What is the point of a Christmas gathering if all there arrive in the anxiety of how they have been living up to that point? How many Christmas gatherings therefore end in tears, terse words or family arguments? There are a lot of ideals we can let go of at Christmas time, and as a society this would serve us well. It can be a beautiful time for connection with our families, so let’s not let it get too complicated with all the ‘stuff’ we don’t actually need!
Away from the commercialisation of what Christmas has become, it is simply a time when people can come together – families, friends, neighbours, communities, etc and celebrate being together. The commercialisation of Christmas is so far from the truth of what it is about, and it now just comes down to a choice of how each one of us wishes to spend this time of year…to get caught up in it, or to see it for what it is and spend this time of year in another way.
I can totally relate to what you have written Megan and have been through a very similar experience over the past several years. What I have discovered is that every commitment I make to deepening my awareness about the slip into the chaos of the Christmas consciousness has supported me the following year. And every year there is another layer of need to unravel (better than any pile of presents!) as the consciousness gears up again. Your comment about the lack of articles to support this detachment has inspired me.
It feels so lovely when we take away the materialism and focus on the connection with people. We all know that materialism is not important and does not make us happy and yet it is so very easy to get caught up in it. I can easily relate to wanting something to be perfect or better than last year rather than just being me. A timely reminder not to get caught up in all the hype. Thank you
I agree, Fiona, it is so easy to get caught up in the hype around christmas. I feel pretty free of that hype this year. I bought and wrapped the few presents for the family quite some time ago. Now when everyone else is madly running around the shops, I just go my usual daily way in my life, no longer give any thought to christmas day. I know I will be joining my son and his family, but it will be a pretty simple day, and I look forward to the connection between us. There is no longer any alcohol involved, so we will be able to just be ourselves, no stress or interference etc., hopefully a pleasant day of connection.
Your right Fiona, we do all know that materialism is not that important, and yet it still becomes the focus of this time of year, when the opportunity to make being together could be the greater focus that is much more fulfilling and exciting. I looked at your line ‘ I can easily relate to wanting something to be perfect or better than last year rather than just being me.’ and thought, just being me this year would be better than last year, after all the work this year working on that. Cant wait for the day to share it.
As much as I have been aware of the silly season approaching and have not been out buying Christmas presents and spending more money than I had intended yet I have still not been immune to taking on some of the frenzy that this one day brings. I have been out more than I would normally and and felt from friends the intensity of needing to get everything done before the Christmas deadline. I’m feeling more anxious about time pressures, and what a few weeks ago I may have been taken in my stride, seems to be less easy to deal with. Wouldn’t it be lovely if interspersed with the Christmas hype we found moments of respite in ways that supported us to stay being ourselves such as articles and blogs like this one. It’s a lovely idea and thank you for getting the ball rolling.
Christmas used to be a very sad affair for me. Of course I had my children and husband with me but somehow I could never recreate the Christmases of my home country. But why the sadness about times past? Life inexorably propulses us forward and offers us occasions to evolve. I realise that I have a certain attachment to melancholy and looking back instead of living each day as a new and magical event in my life. Melancholy robs me of the beauty of connecting with the here and now. So this Christmas out it goes, banished, to be replaced with the simple joy of appreciating those around me at this time in my life.
Great article. There is a lot of hype around Christmas and the lead up – hype that I have been weaning myself off for years. The kids now do a Christmas tree if they choose to and it is left to them. And any Christmas gathering is no different to a dinner we could have throughout the year. I find the Christmas season no different than any other time except that I get to spend more time with my kids as they are on holidays. In fact, as many others in society are caught in the hype and focussed on other things, the emails start to slow down and I find it quite relaxing.
Wonderful blog Megan and a great reminder that Chrismas is about truly connecting with others and endeavouring to live that every day of the year.
You’ve nailed it to the point, Peter. Christmas is not about all that material stuff, but about connection – and not only Christmas is, but every moment of our lives.
It really can be the ‘silly season’ Megan. Silly that we pin so much on one day and then we over eat, over drink and basically indulge.
I remember I used to go back to work in January feeling very down. It was the crash after the hype, and because of all the over indulging in food and alcohol, I would be much heavier and my clothes would feel uncomfortably tight. Plus there would be the shortage of money as a consequence of overspending. No wonder it’s called the silly season. Thankfully I don’t do that any more. I am more concerned about staying steady in myself and enjoying spending time with family and friends.
Such a timely sharing Megan. So with you on this one “The chaotic energy that drives Christmas.” There is so much emphasis for this one day of the year. Up until this year I went along with all the drive and the trimmings of Christmas – exhaustion soon follows. Lesson very much learnt, time to move on and ‘de-construct’ those old patterns/momentums/ideals. Like any other time with family and friends it is about sharing and enjoying quality time together – and not just cramming everything in for this one day of the year.
“If connection and being the real me is the name of the game, I don’t even have to wait; I can do that anytime I choose.” love that Megan. Christmas time isn’t called the silly season for nothing -there is so much driving and pushing through the Christmas period to get things done. For me now, it is a lot more about the connection and being with others, yet as you have said, and the question I have asked many times, why can’t this ( being with each other, family and connection) be an everyday occurrence rather then just saved for a certain date? I love what reflecting on situations and how we are in things brings- a greater awareness and understanding.
Emily as I read your comment I get the feeling that perhaps its called the silly season because we all know how silly it is to focus so much time, energy, money into one day – to pile everything on and indulge in excess. It’s silly because we should be taking the same care with every day, not just one day.”
Exactly Megan, there’s no need to wait and frankly there’s no time to lose! Being ourselves unreservedly, in all our beauty and exquisiteness is a choice we can make in any moment and yet we can often work hard to put on a mask (or live up to a held expectation) of what we think is us for a specific occasion.
How we live all throughout the year is what we reflect and express on any given day and christmas day is absolutely no different.
Beautifully said Cherise – ‘How we live all throughout the year is what we reflect and express on any given day’ – I absolutely agree. This highlights so well how when we choose to simply be ourselves there is no need to be anything else on any date and this as you say can begin now.
Upon reflection, it has taken me a few years to really let go of ‘Xmas’ and in doing so, I can see how much of what I held on to was simply beliefs about Xmas. I didn’t want to stand out and didn’t want to be seen to be on my own. I even judged others for their participation in Xmas. I now feel very light about the whole affair. Comfortable and non judgemental in my own and others choices.
We all should ask us if it is possible to hold the experience of Christmas as a time for sharing and connecting with family and friends and knowing that the fundamental elements which make this day special can actually be lived every day of the year. This would make Christmas not special but would give the answer to why we have so much of the opposite to harmony, joy, stillness and love during the rest of the year.
“This would make Christmas not special but would give the answer to why we have so much of the opposite to harmony, joy, stillness and love during the rest of the year” – this is a good question, why DO we not have harmony, joy, stillness and love the rest of the year? Do we try to make up for it at this ‘special’ time of year, but instead of making up for it, Christmas takes us more into a spin and further away from ourselves because of the demands we put on ourselves to over compensate for the past 11 months NOT living in harmony joy, stillness and love.
Ironic isn’t it, that Jesus was born to show us the way to love, and what do we do but take ourselves further away from it by making Christmas all about everything that takes away from love.
Why don’t we turn it around and live it the rest of the year in the same way like we do only at that special holiday season, and why are we not harmonious, open to others, welcoming people into our homes, gatherings und sharing meals together, sharing joy, opening our hearts to everyone the same, and treating us with equal love and care all the time? This should be natural to do, once we get out of the ‘it’s only about me and my loved ones” and to see that it only can change when we open up to the “ALL together” mode. In fact we are all the same and why not using this connection to build amazing relationships with truth and based on love for each other.
I recall feeling as a child that it didn’t make sense for Xmas to be a one day of the year festivity. What I used to feel was the difference in how people would treat each other, being more respectful and open with each other. It never made sense to me to be loving with others for just one day of the year because somebody had said it was Christmas Day.
So true Richard and thank you for exposing how we can get caught up in the trappings of Christmas and that ‘we are in fact trapped by them and missing the best present of all which is the connection with ourselves and with others.’
Getting into perfection for ‘one day’, Christmas day is very common. There such pressure as you call out Megan, we put on ourselves for this ‘one day’! There really isn’t the need to put such pressure on ourselves if we did look at every other day as equal to that of Christmas Day, knowing also how important it is to say loving and heartfelt things to family and friends throughout the year, not just leaving for that ‘one day’ on Christmas.
Thank you Megan for exposing the Christmas trap so eloquently. For many years I have resisted getting caught up in the chaos of Christmas and claiming I am not going to do x, y or z but end up succumbing at the last minute and have found myself still wrapping presents on Christmas morning or being exhausted by trying to host the perfect day. This year I have the opportunity to make different choices and appreciate the inspiration to remember ‘that Christmas can be simply about connection and being comfortable to be the real me.’
Christmas definitely comes with pressure…especially for mothers. I love what you have written Megan, “If connection and being the real me is the name of the game, I don’t even have to wait; I can do that anytime I choose.”
It always irritates me that there are these days during the year, where we “have to ” celebrate. Don´t get me wrong, I like the celebration bit, but to not only have it once, but to remind us, that we should be like this every day. It is great families and friends come together, if it is without pressure like you described. If it is open and truly meeting each other it would be a lovely base to continue during the year being in a true contact. But unfortunately it is not often like that.
It doesn´t mean we should do any of this, but to bring the greater truth to it, that´s the key to reimprint these holiday days.
With the focus on being ourselves there is also less focus on the excessive eating that is promoted all around. Like the honoring of ourselves allows us to honor what our bodies really want to eat and this can be something different than our eyes and our mouths want or the media offers.
Megan, you lay a beautiful foundation for a whole new way of being together with others at Christmas or other ‘get togethers’ with your blog. If we all allow ourselves to just be ourselves, the way we come together misses the usual irritations and feelings of stress and discomfort. This is the perfect way for deepening relationships.
of ourselves there is a greater willingness to do that in other areas of our lives as well.
This year more than any others has a feeling of appreciation for the people in my life and how I have so much without the need for material things. It is a celebration of how full our lives are without the trappings of the christmas consciousness, and appreciating that we don’t have to get pulled into the hype and stress of one day.
Remembering that Christmas can be simply about connection and being comfortable to be the real me only highlights this more, as this can be developed anytime, anyplace, and with anyone. This is a great reminder for me Megan, that we don’t need a particular day or occasion to be the real us or to be a certain way, our own naturally lovely and authentic way is just what is needed.
Megan, it’s so easy to get caught up in the Christmas spirit. I work in retail and the silly season is absolutely manic. I listen to Christmas songs and gift wrap presents constantly for weeks and weeks leading up to Christmas, and deal with stressed out customers who are trying to create the perfect Christmas. In contrast I do not have an ounce of that in my own life. I come home every day and live as normal. No decorations, no presents to buy, no stress about creating the perfect day. It is all just an act, a performance. On Christmas day I will be resting my body after the retail madness of the silly season and eating a simple meal with friends. No fuss.
Yes Rebecca, people have really lost their way with Christmas. It is all about the presents and not really about connecting with each other and it being about that. There is a manic way of being in the lead up, frustration, anger, so busy, just to get what we think is going to be this perfect day. When in fact people end up fighting and not enjoying each other at all. It is very silly, no wonder it is now called the silly season. It is time that it is not made about presents and tinsel, but deeply appreciating each other.
What I love about Christmas is that it is a huge global reminder of how I should and can be everyday of the year – celebrating me, my family and friends.
I was taking to someone at work yesterday about their plans for Christmas and if she had finished buying everything. Because she was so busy, like so many others she will be out there in the last weekend before Christmas madness. Then she asked me if I had finished my shopping or was I the doing the male thing of shopping on Christmas eve… I replied… we had quit the Christmas madness about 5 years ago. No presents, tree, decorations and no feast of food! We have a normal simple Sunday type meal with family and just appreciate ourselves. She was impressed and said she would like to join me in stepping off the merry-go-round of the commercialization of what the holiday season has become.
I am sat here wondering if Christmas has any real purpose? As the commercial experience it has become that is a pretty resounding No. As a family get together… again No, because all that seems to be en-joined is the excess and the all too often emotional melt down that accompanies a group of people with huge unresolved issues trying to sit around a table once a year and remain civil.
There was one element where I thought ‘maybe’. If this was a reminder of how true family can be all the time, in the same way that we can celebrate ourselves like it was our Birthday every day. Maybe if that inspiration was something we grow from… but the strength of the ideals and beliefs that surround it at the moment make this very unlikely. It would require an entirely different focus.
Very true Simon, we try to put up the perfect stage play, rush through rehearsals and dream of standing ovations in the end. No wonder at all, that Christmas rarely unfolds as a naturally joyfull time. We cannot force changes on the world and people around us, but we can change our own approach to Christmas and by that invite others to do this as well.
I’m with you, Simon: I see Christmas as a set of beliefs and ideals that have long outlived their usefulness. Rather than try make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear, I would rather discard it altogether and build a completely new foundation. I don’t want to add further layers to this already multi layered, rather sickly, cake. No more cake for me, thank you!
To feel that every day is a celebration, as I did reading your blog, is very cool. And to celebrate being still with one another, appreciating each other and enjoying each others company on a daily basis, why not? Christmas is often a time when families can play out an ideal of being all together and being happy and feeling disappointed when this doesn’t pan out but actually we are being offered so much more here.
That’s it Megan, I’m going to wear my Christmas outfit all year round…..metaphorically speaking of course. It is lovely to free ourselves from the craziness of what has become Christmas and really feel that our connection to everyone is for all the time. With the atmosphere and panic of Christmas in the air it is easy to be affected by it and so great to be aware of what is going on so that we can relax and stay ourselves within the hype. It’s such good practice for living in the world.
Absolutely Katie, to me love is the absolute key ingredient for Christmas but then again it is the key ingredient for every day, not just one ‘special’ day of the year.
Thank you Megan. No wonder people get stressed at Christmas when there is such a focus on making one day in the year better and more special than any other day of the year. I have come to know too that it is about making everyday the same as every other day, full of love and truth.
Its a good point Elizabeth, that we make certain days more important than others, when really it is another glorious day, just the same as the day before and the day after. What I have been feeling around this Christmas day hype is that we use it to excite or stimulate us, something to fill the emptiness that is lived on a day to day basis from not connecting to and living in full the love that we feel. Then to live up to that expectation that it is given, many drink alcohol and eat copious sugary foods, which gives that false feeling of elatedness that the whole pre-Christmas period is waiting for. What a funny way to live.
I love what you have shared here Megan. Being ourselves no matter what day and who it is means that we stay consistent with how we live life. No measuring or conditions attached. Then everyday and everyone can feel the fullness of who we are every day of the year.
Now that’s worth celebrating!
Over the years I have have swung between the whole shebang – trees,crackers, mountains of gifts and paring it back to nothing much at all in reaction to the commercialism associated with christmas much to my children’s confusion. Part of this oscillation was trying to figure out what felt right for us to do as a family what felt true and was reflective of how we lived as a family, and the reality is we don’t indulge in huge feasts or waste money on extravagant unnecessary gifts. On a daily basis we live with much more consideration, so why we would go crazy on one day. We have had many discussions over the years from not feeling right to nothing but what was an Ok thing for us to do? I love that we all have time off and that we get to stop for a while and just enjoy each others company, prepare a nurturing meal and spend some time making our environment a fun and inspiring place to be, sharing it with other family members.
Dear Megan, this blog is lovely with a lot to ponder on at this time of the year. What is it all really about, and what is the part we will remember most ? It’s not the presents or all the food, but how much we were able to connect to each other and how much we enjoyed being together – or how much we were stressed being around each other. The more we allow ourselves to just be, the more we can allow others to be where they are at, which means we can enjoy each other much more freely, as nobody has to live up to anybody’s expectations. That is truly something worth celebrating.
Dear Katie, that sounds lovely. To have a beautiful meal with friends and family, without all the unnecessary extras sounds like the way to go. I keep it very simple myself and catch up with friends who are around or family via phone or Skype, as many are overseas. But this can happen any day too, not just on Christmas Day.
Great article Megan as it really makes me see that we all have a choice everyday to bring all of us. I so related to this line ‘Asking myself what holds me back from doing this, I realised it was a fear of being the real me – not the perfect host, or the perfect partner or daughter – just me.’ This continues to be something I am developing too, learning to be, hold and live the real me in daily life. As you say at Christmas, with all the heightened focus and attention on connecting with others, buying presents and celebrating family what so often gets forgotten or overlooked is ourselves. Thank you for bringing the focus back to what it is all about.
These days I like a very simple no fuss Christmas Day so I can relate to what you are saying Meagan…we can make everyday about connection and love which doesn’t have to be limited to our blood families.
‘If connection and being the real me is the name of the game, I don’t even have to wait; I can do that anytime I choose’ I totally agree Megan in fact it is our birth-right!
I have felt the same thing – over Christmas everyone is far more willing to chat and be cheery, but a soon as the new year hits and the bank balances and overly full stomachs and livers catch up with people, a gloom settles on everyone and the openness is gone for another year. So as you share, perhaps instead of making Christmas our focus, this massive no holes barred extravaganza of food and presents and decorations and alcohol, we make it about connection to people, something we can do all year round. Perhaps then the January blues would be a thing of the past.
haha, awesome Rebecca. I didnt know the january blues were such a thing but it definitely makes sense. It also makes sense to make christmas about connection and people as it does for everyday, because why else do we live? We can have tall buildings, great art, delicious food etc etc but if there is no vitality and connection with people then what is the point? Harmony is where it should be at.
Megan, it sounds like you have had an amazing Christmas as you learned so much from it.
Making Christmas about a time to stop and reflect on the year with ourselves or family and friends is a great opportunity to take as the new year approaches. I love the stillness of Christmas Day though wonder how many really appreciate or notice this as we can get caught up with everything being a certain way.
Exactly Julie, how many ideas and beliefs are there around that Christmas has to be a certain way? There are so many stagnant rituals that just don’t evolve us, saying that it is just a choice and we can choose to connect to the stillness, natural joy and celebration within every moment of every day which then when Christmas comes around, just confirms who we naturally are.
A very timely article Megan. Women especially seem to get caught up in all the preparations – often for days – and especially around the food – for what after all – in the UK – is often a roast dinner. yet it is all over within a few hours. I love the days inbetween Christmas and New Year’s day when the world seems to go into repose and all is quiet and still – unless you go sales shopping, when all is madness. remembering to stay with myself is paramount, whatever time of year it is, “If connection and being the real me is the name of the game, I don’t even have to wait; I can do that anytime I choose.” I love this sentence.
Everyday being Christmas certainly removes a lot of the stress, expectations and pressure on the one day and on ourselves and on others. When that connection is made outside of christmas the actual day is no big deal, as such I have found myself less and less ‘hyped up’ about christmas. It’s not that I am anti-festive but it’s simply a fact that we don’t have to place so much onto the day delivering to us what we can bring out into the world every single day, holiday or not.
I know of people who save their ‘nice underwear’ for a special occasion, but why couldn’t we make everyday a special occasion? We are divine after all!
Love that Leigh ‘it’s simply a fact that we don’t have to place so much onto the day delivering to us what we can bring out into the world every single day, holiday or not.’ So so true!
I do find it very interesting how Christmas is a very quiet time of the year, with roads, shops, businesses all not used. And yet there is this tradition of leading up to the day and even during it of being super extra busy, with excessive shopping, planning, anxiety, and stress. So then this one day comes and all family members can already be feeling drained by the event before it has started. When perhaps what this one day each year is giving us is a moment to stop and to simply be with each other in the simplicity of that quietness. Which, like you say can happen at any time, but it is great to have everyone with you joining in the stillness.
Yes great observation Shami.
I have had the blessing of feeling that stillness with my family at Christmas and it is precious. It also has a lot to do with the lead up not being hyped or stressful and choosing to not get caught in the drive.
In the past if the lead up was exhausting we would often resort to the afternoon nap as a way to retreat and check out instead ✨
I have noticed this as well – the immense contrast between the hectic pace of the pre-Christmas time and the relative quiet of the actual Christmas period. But I can also feel how exhausted people actually are and how the reality so very often doesn’t match the hyped up precursor to the occasion.
I also enjoy the stillness of Christmas and the space to stop and reflect and connect. This is even more obvious when compared to the busy-ness of the build up to Christmas.
This is so true Shami – we’re so busy preparing everything to be picture perfect exhausting ourselves in the process leaving us unable to connect to the ones we love that we were doing it all for in the first place – rather ridiculous.
Megan this is deeply true “If connection and being the real me is the name of the game, I don’t even have to wait; I can do that anytime I choose.” The trap we have fallen into is waiting for a certain time, a certain person, to share ourselves with. When we see the simplicity of this it seems ludicrous because surely we are harming ourselves too by holding back everything we are in each and every moment with each and every person?
Every year when we approach an event such as Christmas we have the opportunity to reflect on how we are within ourselves and in relation to this event and if there is the possibility of doing it a bit differently next time it comes around. This way we don’t go into the same old patterns but learn and evolve year to year.
Thanks, Megan. I love how you have turned Christmas into an opportunity to reflect and deepen your connection to yourself and those close to you.
Simply summarised Janet and I will be doing the same.
It’s lovely to read your blog at this time of year – when it can become to easy to become caught up in the ‘madness’ that seems to overwhelm the world as we seek outside of ourselves for perfection. This year I have been focussing on keeping Christmas as simple as possible and as you have said Megan making it more about connection and expansion than of ‘creating’ an unrealistic dream.
I have opted out of the Christmas madness now for about 5 years. It is getting easier every year to just stand back and observe the madness that ensues everywhere. In our busy life’s it becomes one of those days when everyone has the day off and a moment for family to come together for a simple meal. I still like outside Christmas lights… is it a reflection of the joy that lights in the darkness bring?
There is something quite magical about an early morning on Christmas day… there is so much stillness out on the roads. For one day a year there is no busy-ness to run too, and there is an opportunity to connect to something deeper – its always there, but maybe in that slow down, it gives people a chance to feel what is always available.
I too love Christmas lights Steve, for me they reflect the warmth and loveliness of human connection. We have a tradition in our family where we all go out on Christmas Eve to look at the Christmas lights in the neighborhood. For me its about family time, enjoying each other’s company, connection with our community and enjoying something that’s fun, light (no pun intended) and just plain enjoyable!
A great article Megan, ‘Unfortunately the full potential of this experience was not met as I allowed myself to get caught up in trying to make things perfect instead of just being there in my fullness, allowing myself and everybody to just be.’ I have had this experience when I have had people round to my house for get togethers, i rush around to just before everyone arrived trying to make the house perfect and checking it looks good rather than staying with myself and being connected with my stillness and loveliness and so that when my guests arrive i am in my fullness and not tired and rushed.
I can certainly relate to rushing around “trying to make the house” perfect and forgetting about my enjoyment of the day in the process; then I would spend the next few days recovering and getting over the negative effects of all the food I ate too much of. Looking back it feel so crazy to have put myself under so much pressure – thankfully no more!
Mm yes, the latter makes a huge difference Rebecca. And I have noted that it sets the mood for the entire evening also.
Makes me wonder what is more important – having a perfect looking house with perfect food or being our full selves and connecting with our guests? Usually the emphasis is placed on the former but I would say the latter is the most important ingredient for Christmas dinner!
I so relate to this Rebecca, i have almost always done this as a host and it just doesn’t feel nice at all. No matter how hard i have worked to make the occasion special, when i do this i always feel like I’ve failed in some way. Sometimes the best occasions are those that are impromptu and casual as they dont allow us the time to descend into this spiral of behaviour. This is definitely something I am working on this coming year, with no perfection sought. Just an awareness of when I am at risk of going down this path and making different choices.
Megan you have such a freshness that comes through your writing, it’s gorgeous to feel. That freshness is also reflected in your choices, particularly your choice not to roll around lamenting at how last year’s Christmas turned out but rather to use that experience as the spring board to change.
Thanks Alexis, I feel its important to acknowledge the learning but not beat myself up and go into a ‘shame spiral’ as that feeds the old pattern and doesn’t get me anywhere positive. No shame spiral here!
‘A wise friend says to me ‘everyday is Christmas.’ And as you share Magan if ‘ Christmas is a time for sharing and connecting to family and friends’ we can be this way everyday of the year. The essence is to stay true to ourselves whatever the season and not be drawn in by outside pressures. What a blessing it is to enjoy the delights of this season: short days, dark evenings (in the UK), fairy lights, illuminations, pretty christmas trees, without descending into the frenzy of buying and doing.
Yes this is a good point Kehinde this is a time of the year when the outside pressure is very strong and we are met with this everywhere as christmas is something nearly everyone takes part in.
I love it and it’s so true ‘everyday is christmas’! This is what I’m working towards anyway and it’s so lovely to pause and be reminded of this. I have always tried to make the focus of Christmas about being together and if you get a present then that is a bonus to our kids. Bringing this awareness of our everyday tho would be lovely to start introducing to the kids
I agree Kehinde. I do not get drawn into the Xmas frenzy but am enjoying walking home in the evenings taking in the pretty lights.
With the silly season getting longer and longer each year and more and more commercial, if that is possible, I do think it is time we made it more about connecting to people instead of things and all the hoo ha that comes with it. Living in a big city like London, it has come to the stage where I am becoming a bit of a Bah Humbug as the energy of the place gets even more manic, speeds up even more, people are more stressed and more in a hurry and instead of tidings of great joy people can be quite nasty.
I know what you mean Kevin – its easy to get into that ‘Ba-Humbug’ attitude as I witness all the craziness going on around. But I think it is possible to connect to something deeper that comes with such a stop, and importantly not judge what is going on all around and the circus that it has become. That way there is a different opportunity of what it could be for people to connect with and choose for themselves if they like the feel of it.
Kevin you have a beautiful way of getting to the essence of things with few words.
I have side-stepped many parts of London in the run-up to Christmas for the very reasons you describe.
Nastiness ( I sense snarling) instead of tidings of great joy!! London needs you, Kevin McHardy – get out there and share the TRUE JOY, Kevin! It sounds as though it is truly needed.
Beautiful Megan, so many of us get caught up in the silly season and there is so much pressure on people to get it right. Moving on from last year and learning from the experience is a good move. Making Christmas more about connection and being real instead of presents, decorations and food is an evolutionary step.
Well said Kevin; moving on from making Christmas about presents, decorations and food and making it about connection and being real is definitely an evolutionary step.
‘Making Christmas more about connection and being real instead of presents, decorations and food is an evolutionary step.’ Well said Kevin, I agree.
So true Kevin. If we are honest, a heartfelt time shared with family and friends is what most of us truly want anyway.
Having let go of the hype and frenzy of Christmas several years ago, this time when most people have some time away from everyday work has become very special as on one day over the holiday all the family gather together with us to celebrate us as a family. I enjoy gently planning and preparing a meal for us all to share and with a young grandson in our midst we can all have fun being children again playing simple games that include everyone. A magical time.
What you have presented Megan is so very true, there is this mad scramble towards Christmas, all for this one day them supposedly ‘relax’, but everyone is usually so wound up on expectation or exhausted, that tempers are frayed and the day doesn’t feel so lovely after all. Now this isn’t always to case, but it is great to pose the question, why place so much importance in just one day? Why are we not investing in ourselves each and every day? It is something to ponder……
It is so true that christmas isn’t anything special, it is just another opportunity to connect and spend time with people. It is so easy to see it as something special that is just once a year, but it is just another day that is celebrated by many, but when you know that you can just be yourself, it is inspiring your guests to be themselves as well.
Absolutely a day to connect and a day to celebrate. Just as everyday is. Everyday when I open my eyes I consider it a new day to celebrate.
I love the way you see Christmas Benkt- super simple and normal. Another day and another opportunity to connect with ourselves and others.
I love this Benkt, what a gift to give your guests at any time of year – the simple gift of giving them the space to be themselves and enjoy the connection.
Such a great point Megan about wanting that ‘special’ occasion to be perfect and therefore confining ourselves and others present to a way of behaving that does not allow the fullness of the love to flow through our interactions. Even if others are choosing alcohol or other ways of limiting themselves, we have the option of offering all of us and allowing others to take it or leave it. I can recall and experience when a student kept ‘leaving it’ and limiting the way she was learning, yet I kept bringing all of me without judgement or expectation. At the end of the course, I was surprised when she thanked me and expressed how much I inspired her – simply being me.
Awesome Simon just goes to show that when we live in such an open way, staying with ourselves we offer everyone else the opportunity to truly be who they are, no judgement, perfection or limitations. As you say they can either take it or leave it.
Simon this highlighted how Megan’s blog isn’t just great for Christmas but about all the special occasions that we try to make special or perfect. How we have an ideal on how we want to do be so we constrict ourselves and the moment so that it conforms to how we want it to be. Rather then just letting it flow.
I totally agree Emily and Simon. So often we dilute ourselves so that we dont ‘ruffle feathers’ and this serves no one, including ourselves. Bringing the fullness of us to everything we do always trumps to alternative of dilution as it gives people a choice to also be all of who they are when sadly too often that choice is not there.
I too have been allowing myself to feel into what Christmas means to me and as a result I am making some big changes, but can still feel the old patterns and expectations trying to creep in at times. I am over the hype and the commercialism, and now choose to spend the day with family as usual, but in a more harmonious and joy-filled way, just like I would like every other day to be
Indeed Megan, why shouldn’t we make every day special so it becomes the normal as it is just an ordinary day as all the others. There is no need to have a special day, and every day we have the opportunity to meet and be with people and to enjoy the being together.
Exactly. Why wait for one day in 365. That in itself is ridiculous. I say let the love flow everyday.
I love it Nico. Why not live and love as if every day is the most special day of our lives.
I’m with you all, why not live and love as if every day is he most special day of our lives.
This is a really awesome blog Megan! Getting caught up in mad rushes, expectations, and getting things perfect is so common and especially around christmas. I agree with you, it is 100% worth it to drop expectations we have of ourselves or what the time needs to be and connect with what is truly on offer; lovely connections with people, fun, family and simple food. That a christmas I would like! And truly its what I would want every day to be like. Thanks for sharing.
So true Megan – why wait for Christmas day when everyday of the year can be a celebration. A celebration of our relationships and connections with family, friends and everyone we meet, including ourselves!
“If connection and being the real me is the name of the game, I don’t even have to wait; I can do that anytime I choose.” Very true Megan. Connection cannot be neatly packaged and sold, it is a gift we unwrap each and every moment.
So true Liane, “Connection cannot be neatly packaged and sold, it is a gift we unwrap each and every moment.” And holding back connecting with others because it’s not this day or that hurts us. We can celebrate and show our appreciation of ourselves and each other everyday.
Beautifully said Liane, connection certainly is a gift in our every moment if we so choose to unwrap it.
Megan, you have written the article you were looking for – very supportive and reflective, thankyou. If we want ‘all our Christmas’s to come at once’, we need only live our love each and every day. The steadiness of this love lived becomes an anchor in a sea that otherwise seeks to sweep us into what is not of this love.
So beautifully said Liane, i love it. I feel this to be deeply true.
There’s so much effort we put into making Christmas (or any other occasion) special – the food, the decoration, the presents etc. we think that is what makes Christmas a success, and we all know how stressful that is, then we probably the idea of doing Christmas everyday would drive us crazy. Letting go of the ideals and beliefs about this one-day-a-year-celebration thing set us free, makes us realise what we truly treasure and cherish when we come together as a group.
Personally, I’m not for making every day like Christmas but I do think Christmas should be just like every other day, when the every day is a day that’s lived responsibly, treating all with an equalness and making choices for ourselves that support us and those around us. If we were to stop and truly consider what we’re in fact up to at Christmas, it’s an absurd experience. An unparallelled, willingly participated frenzy that never fulfils the ideal and the promise. Because it isn’t the real deal. Merely hollow and empty, just like the illusion of Santa Claus.
A perfectly timed article offering a great stop… to consider the possibility of going into Christmas with an intention to make it about connection and quality time together… to reflect and enjoy each other’s company…. to hold ourselves and not be rocked by the usual frantic and exhausting build up and release… and to celebrate this with others. Awesome.
Christmas a time for family and connection, full stop. all the rest such as good food, decorations and gifts are secondary. When the latter over takes the former thats when things become the commercialised Christmas that we know.
However this blog points out why save effort being put into family and connection for only one period in the year?
Megan what you have shared here is a revelation in regards to the extremes people can go to at Christmas time. The gift offered here is that when we connect to ourselves and let us shine that is the shining star at the top of everyone’s christmas tree. This is something we can truly connect with and celebrate all year round. Thank you.
I really enjoy the way Christmas no longer feels like a big deal, and l agree Megan, “Christmas can be simply about connection”. This year we’ve chosen to use the holidays to go visit friends abroad and do just that: make it about connection.
Love this Megan, unwinding the flurry of Christmas and giving yourself permission to be open and in connection all year round. People look forward to Christmas so much that they forget about all the other days that are just as important and offer opportunities to care for your home, cook amazing food and speak to the people you love.
I love how you didn’t allow yourself to self-bash about last Christmas’ missed opportunity but instead chose to celebrate your awareness of the situation. This now allows you to live in a different way each moment in each day, bringing the joy and blessing to all you interact with – you are raining true christmas gifts on everyone now, each and every day.
That’s so lovely Gina, what an amazing way to look at it! Thank you 🙂
The happiness which is sought from celebrations and events seems a misinterpretation of seeking to live with joy, which is actually attained from living in connection to ourselves and each other. Instead the ‘event’ is looked for to provide the ‘happiness’. Seeking what we are truly craving from things on the outside is a fruitless search and leads actually to deeper feelings of emptiness and unhappiness. Once we know that what we are looking for is love and connection, we then can understand this can be lived each moment in each day. We don’t have to wait for one day of the year. Lovely blog to highlight this Megan, thank you.
If we reduce the celebration of our amazingness as people in our every day into the significance of one day we call Christmas, it would make sense that it has to be rushed and compacted, for there is so much of us and everyone to celebrate! The body is very honest and would not consider anything done in rush or overwhelm to be a true celebration.
I totally agree Adele, no wonder it feels rushed and awful! All those squished expectations from 364 days into one!
I love the point you make here Adele. It is not possible to fit celebrating 365 days of our immense amazingness together into only one day, but it is absolutely possible to celebrate this amazingness 365 days of the year.
Beautifully said Carola, it is “absolutely possible to celebrate our amazingness 365 days of the year “!
Indeed It is a great program to develop the appreciation and celebration of living who we truly are.
“The body is very honest and would not consider anything done in rush or overwhelm to be a true celebration.” Absolutely Adele, you cannot enjoy the day when your body is still anxious from the rushing around. people would rather see you calm with no presents.
This is awesome Megan, deconstructing the ideals about Christmas. The choice of how we live every day of the year builds the momentum into the so-called Christmas day, so if we rush our every day, would it be different on this one particular day we have set such an importance to? We cannot avoid all the choices we have made, until we choose to make different ones.
Wonderful ponderings Megan. What you have spoken about applies to so many situations – birthdays, anniversaries, visiting theme parks. All of them seem to be about the anticipation to feel the search for attaining something – a euphoric happiness of some sort – something to be brought to us and the event is held as doing that. The tension and pressure this puts on us as individuals is insane and leads often to extremely fraught situations. To live in a way where the joy being searched for is there for us to access and connect to at any given time, is an incredible discovery to make and makes life feel like just one big Christmas each and every moment, each and every day.
This is a beautiful blog and journey about christmas and the real true intention behind it as a time of getting together and then doing that in our every day life simply as ourselves. No attachments needs or goals just bringing all we are and this is something we can all learn and enjoy with each other if this is our intention from the love we all are. Re-imprinting this with the Christmas hype in this festive season and the pressures all around is a great learning to be ourselves and not get caught up in the stress and anxiety and rush out there . This blog is refreshing and a great support for everyone.Thank you Megan.
Megan one can so easily fall into the Christmas trap if seduced by the outer ‘trappings’ (pun intended) to feel that you are ‘doing’ Christmas in a loving way. But as you have come to, it is the quality of the connection with others that counts, and often Christmas is one time of the year when the family & friends gather in one place. It’s a wonderful opportunity to celebrate and share moments, connect with the children and enjoy over a simple meal. Last year I celebrated with two of my children and their children with a simple (but beautiful) meal that we created together and a trip to the beach. No belly aches, sugar hypes or tensions to perform or please, just celebrating us in a rare moment together.
Megan – this is it! Being yourself in your awesomeness, you don’t even have to say a word and the evening is already perfect, because it has you in it!
So lovely Felix, thank you :-). I’m claiming that!
Megan this is the sweetest blog with you sharing your thoughts and experiences. I found it very engaging to read and I have the sense that you’re someone who loves fun and to play and explore life. Thank you for being YOU.
Thanks Shevon!!! Im glad you enjoyed the blog and you are right, I am all those things you sensed! 😉
Great article Megan, and so true that Christmas “shouldn’t be a festival we celebrate only one day a year” Why keep all of that connection, quality time with family and appreciation for eachother to one hot day in December? Seems to me that if we could dedicate the same amount of effort toward those things most days of the year, we wouldn’t acually feel the need to do it all on that one day the 25th. How would it be to wake up every morning, energised for the day ahead and all it may bring, planning delicious meals that will nourish every part of us, appreciate and greet everyone we come across, and show our love and appreciation to our family and friends with our eyes, or a gorgeous hug or even the occasional hand made or specially chosen gift. That’s the way to have Christmas everyday, cheaper and less stressful than that old commercial version we have been calling Christmas for so long.
Thanks again for this lovely article, perfectly timed also!
Apart from people getting excited about sharing with others during Christmas. I notice alot more stress in people during December in the lead up to Christmas. Between completing what is need at work & home in the preparation for Christmas, organising Christmas day itself, purchasing presents and preparing food along with the buzz in the shopping centres – December can become in reality quite an intense month.
As soon as we think of a particular day as being ‘special’ it can easily create a lot of pressure to make that day perfect which often comes from ideals and beliefs of what we think it should look like. When we drop our ideals and simply be all of who we are every day, every moment becomes a celebration. No need to wait once a year to Christmas.
Christmas has lost most of the pull for me and is low on my radar. Yes I am looking forward to having a whole group of people over, but I do that regularly during the year, so no different . Oh and when turkey is fresh and I can get organic I will make a turkey roll but that’s about as close as I come to any Christmas tradition. Christmas was sometimes a happy time but if I was to be totally honest I was mostly running on adrenalin caused by a high level of expectation and anxiousness and I was fully embracing all the rituals. It’s so lovely to have a choice now and not feel any pull to fall into the Christmas trap
Brilliant article Megan, thank you for highlighting what Christmas is really about. Often Christmas comes with the feelings of overwhelm, stress and panic. When we succumb to this pressure we forget the real true meaning of Christmas. And yes you are so right we need to celebrate ourselves and others every day, why wait for one day a year when everyday has the same amazing potential.
Each year we are given a wonderful opportunity to re-imprint how we choose to celebrate Christmas – now that’s a gift worth giving and receiving!
Recently I read a blog by Raymond Karam on Christmas (https://everydaylivingness.com/christmas-and-children-and-being-together/) and he was sharing about buying presents for the kids which they can share, ones that connect the family together rather than ones that keep them in their own little world. I loved this concept and have let our children know this so that they don’t have any grand expectation that Santa is going to bring them the world this year. There was a bit of moaning and ‘what about me’ but that’s okay, that can happen any time of the year! What I felt this year, is that it has made the whole Christmas thing very simple. I buy a few things for the kids and that’s it. I don’t need to go out and buy for everyone else. I have always felt pressured in some way to do this, and never liked the idea of having to buy something for someone when I don’t actually want to. What I do these days, is I buy a gift any day of the year, if I see something and I know someone will love it and I buy it for no other reason other than to celebrate them. I love the feeling that I am no longer caught up in the Christmas must do spell to be a ‘good’ person in society or good parent.
24hrs a day, 7 days a week thats how christmas could be, how awesome would a celebration of you and family be everyday!!
Spot on Megan “If connection and being the real me is the name of the game, I don’t even have to wait; I can do that anytime I choose.” All that’s required is we simply have to exercise our free will and make that choice.
I have had events at my home like this in the past, where I have kept ‘trying’ to keep everyone happy and making it ‘perfect’ and so missed out on some of the connection available….”…trying to make things perfect instead of just being there in my fullness…” I have come to appreciate that any event is about everyone there and we all have a role and responsibility in making it about connection. When people come over, I still love to bring people together and connect, but I do not attempt to do it all for them, so do not run around with cups and food, and do bring a drive and force so I ‘think’ they can feel we have come together. I ask for support and I offer connection, a welcome and I allow space for everyone to take part in the connection available and do not feel I need to ‘try’ and make it all happen myself.
How wonderful Samantha that you have made events what you now have. I can really relate to what you have shared. In the past making events about the doing, making sure everyone was always happy, watered and fed, as opposed to truly connecting with people. Making sure that ‘being there in my fullness’ in a quality that is present, open, loving and understanding.
This is the first year that I have really been able to feel the ‘Christmas trap’. This is mainly as I walk around the city centre where I work. What I have felt is just how emotionally charged the shopping experience is and the draw from it to pull us in. I know I have been there before but this year it feels great to simply be more accepting of myself and what I bring to Christmas or any day of the year rather than buying presents or trying to meet some perceived expectations.
Over the last few years I have slowly been working on not getting caught up in the Christmas hype that is out there so strongly, in the streets and in the shops and all over the internet. Each year I take off another layer and realise that I get to celebrate and I can be with my family any time of the year so why would I make Christmas any more special than any other time of the year. To do that, I would be putting all the other times as less and they just are not.
I totally agree Rosie, every day is equal to the next.
This is so true Rosie. It doesn’t make any sense yet this is what a majority of us are choosing, celebrating a falseness and a disconnection. To limit ourselves to celebrating and connecting only once a year is absurd. We are all so grand and amazing, this picture simply just doesn’t fit hence why the craziness kicks in around Christmas, a frenzy to catch up but in that we lose true connection. So, building on truly connecting with ourselves and with others everyday, Christmas is then not hyped up but just another day like any other day to truly celebrate the gloriousness of who we are.
“I’ve come to realise that Christmas shouldn’t be a festival we celebrate for just one day a year.” Exactly right Megan. Every day is special and equally worth celebrating.
I just started to read your blog and I have to appreciate because we had a family gathering at our house just 2 days ago, and there was no need to impress, no fancy this or that, and it was actually very simple, which allowed heaps of time to just be ourselves with each other, no agenda no games and no expectations. When everyone went home, those of us who stayed behind went for a walk around the block and it felt so lovely to be able to come together and share in this way. So very different to how some get togethers have been for me in the past. And what was great is it didn’t take long to do the dishes or clean up and no one was left feeling exhausted.
This, in essence, is what we all really want “What was on offer for myself and my family was an opportunity for us to connect as individuals with no roles being played, just simply enjoying quality time together. It was an opportunity to learn about each other in a different environment, reflect on the year gone by and talk about our hopes for the next.”
Well, our Christmas time and Christmas experience is just the sum of all our lived moments in intimacy with us and with others. If we haven’t done this throughout the year we cannot catch up with it on one Christmas Eve. Impossible. Though if we have started to live us and share the love we are and have with others throughout the year, then each day during this time can be a beautiful confirmation of it.
I love this. So you could say every day would be Christmas Day in your latter example if we lived and shared the real us every day!? You are so right too about it being impossible for Christmas to be a catch up for unlived moments of intimacy throughout the year, its simply not possible to squish it all into one day and not live this the other 364 days. That makes no sense at all yet its what a lot of us do.
The Christmas season seems to turn into such an intense time of the year with shopping centres crowded, people attending parties, children being taken to have photos with Santa, making travel plans and so forth. We really put a lot of pressure on ourselves to have the perfect Christmas yet arrive at the actual day exhausted! I notice that after the day is over there is a sense of then starting to think of ‘what’s next’ and planning starts for shopping at the post Christmas sales or for New Year’s Eve parties etc and so the busyness continues in another form. None of this behaviour hits the pause button for us to stop and check in with ourselves and consider if there is another way to do things. So thank you Megan for sharing your experiences and highlighting how being open to others is not a one day a year ‘job’ but an everyday celebration.
Perfectly described as ‘the christmas trap’ Megan – that’s exactly what it is – a cleverly designed trap and nothing more! This is something I have been working on each year and is still a work in progress.
Megan, you have offered yourself and all others a very true gift as the Christmas season approaches , the gift of acceptance. To fully accept ourselves and others as we are, in full allows for deeper connection which is what we all would love to find, not under a tree one day a year, more so, in every relationship and every conversation every day. This is worth appreciating and celebrating.
Megan yes Megan Cairney has offered us all a really true gift – the gift of acceptance – how wonderful is that!
Dear Megan, my sentiments exactly. I am wondering about presents and I just keep coming back to ‘keep it simple’. Just a token gesture for those that I want to express my love and appreciation for. Because what is truly needed is to really meet each other in a celebration over a lovely meal. It doesn’t need to be more complicated than that.
Full heartedly agree Megan, connecting with family or those we choose to have close need not be assigned only to one day of the year. The opportunity is there for us every day, in every moment. Through our connection to ourselves we cannot but bring that to each interaction or meeting we have. A great reminder, thank you.
Exactly Giselle, it just becomes the norm then, when we make use of every opportunity that is presented.
The other Christmas trap that I am experiencing Megan, is this feeling of everything coming to and end, a close in the workplace. The sense of urgency to complete projects and ‘get things done before the end of the year’, when the reality for a lot of businesses, such as the one I work for is that we are only shut down for 5 working days. Business resumes as usual as soon as the new year has arrived.
Christmas causes absolute chaos in so many more areas than the home. it’s fascinating. Just another excuse to keep us in the anxiousness that is society’s so called ‘Holiday Season’.
Gosh, we’ve got it all wrong.
Yes, Christmas is like a fabricated deadline that gets given so much weight regardless of the rhythm of the workplace and whether or not there is valid reason for this to be the deadline. I am dealing with quite a few trades people at the moment and most of them are beside themselves to meet the Christmas deadline – I wonder how much of this is due to how out of rhythm we generally are as a society or because Christmas also marks the end of the year and we push a lot more to get done all that we planned to? In Australia, Christmas marks the end of the school year as well as the summer holidays when some business do close for a longer period of time and while the arrival of these things is inevitable our relationship with them need not be as overwhelming if we took a page out of Megan’s book.
We certainly need more blog posts like yours Megan and also the equally awesome article written by Ray Karam on this blog about Christmas presents for the kids.
Thank you for bringing your experience forward. Over the last few years I have been observing the silly season and it really amazes me. It’s like a tornado that society gets caught up in, and then gets spat out.
I’m certainly not 100% free from the hype of it. I have limited my present buying to just my immediate family for example, but I still feel the pressure to buy gifts to mark the occasion, an occasion that to be honest I don’t really align to, in terms of the religious story. I do however also see the gift giving as an opportunity to appreciate and acknowledge my family, something I would like to be more open about throughout the rest of the year and not limit to just one day.
I was giggling when I read this, hearing the voices/groans/death rolls of people when you are offering that Christmas could be every day of the year! Because it currently exhausts people every year- with so much effort and money into 1 day. BUT as you so beauty-fully offer, what if we looked at Christmas (and all other days) as an opportunity to simply connect with friends and family and to be more/bring more of yourself….well that makes sense and offers us something much greater than what we currently have. Thank you for taking the time to offer a different way of thinking about Christmas.
What a joyous gift we give when we are all of us.
Beautiful Kim and very true.
I love that – the perfect gift given with joy any time anywhere.
That’s a great realization you have come to Megan, and one that has freed you from the festive season panic. Bringing all of us everyday is a living way, Christmas day being an extra day where we get to shine out light for our family and reflect the beauty they all are.
Christmas time can be a crazy time of year but also can be an enjoyable one when we don’t get caught in the hype. I love getting together with my family and friends and it is as you say Megan it is a great opportunity to stop and connect with each other.
Not that we need particular holiday to do this, we can choose to build our relationships anytime.
So very true Megan. Why save it all up for one day a year! (or a few days) and label that as the special day. So much pent up expectation no wonder people explode under the pressure from both the emotional and then the physical pressure our bodies can also have to endure with additional eating and drinking.
I’m with you loving and sharing and living our appreciation consistently is far more supportive to give and receive. To me this reflects the true gift of love and harmony with ourselves, community and mankind.
It can be easy to be “swept up” in whatever is happening around us. This is a great reminder Megan that we are not that – we are nothing outside of us. All we have to do is remember who we are and live that in every moment – even at Christmas time.
There are so many ideals and beliefs about what Christmas should be like that we often create such stress and hectic, that the quiet time of enjoying the company of families and friends in the beauty of the Christmas season gets totally lost.
Lets celebrate Christmas daily. There is so much that to appreciate each day, why leave it all for one day in the year and create pressure by that.
Absolutely agree Michael, lets celebrate each other and make the time to connect each day – it seems crazy to save it all up for one day. And there would be no pressure to “get it right” at christmas as we would have had a whole year to practice!
Yes, why save it up all for one day – like you say Michael, there is so much to celebrate and appreciate all of the time – to express this all year round would make such a difference to all of humanity.
“If connection and being the real me is the name of the game, I don’t even have to wait; I can do that anytime I choose”. Exactly Megan, why do we wait for a specific day to bring our attention to having a ‘happy’ day when we can celebrate joyfully every day for simply being ourself. When we are joy-full other people feel it and it can have the effect of uplifting their day too and that is a truly wonderful gift to be able to give.
“Remembering that Christmas can be simply about connection and being comfortable to be the real me only highlights this more, as this can be developed anytime, anyplace, and with anyone.” Yes, we can learn every day more to just be ourselves and not to get caught up in the daily affairs, stress and busyness that is so prevalent in this world.
This is a lovely post thank you Megan, I very much enjoyed being greeted by this gorgeous picture.
What you share is so true Megan. The hype and festivities of Christmas promote a disconnection from ourselves and life. A time when it is encouraged to indulge in excess food, excess alcohol and attend too many events – to take us away from our stresses and mundane lives that we live the rest of the year. But what if we lived every day the same (including Christmas), in such a way that we don’t need a month to check out? Imagine living 365 days of joy ever year instead of pinning all our hopes on one day of happiness.
This is great Megan — the Christmas frenzy feeds on us not believing we are simply enough by being ourselves. Christmas ought to be true celebration of family, of us coming together to celebrate family whereas it has become of course a consumerist monster that we all feed away while running along like headless chickens until Christmas Eve and then stop — for one day. It has become everything it has not meant to me. It’s so gorgeous when we can bring Christmas back to simplicity and let this day be a day to to celebrate the connections we have with those closest to us… The last few ‘Christmases’ I have had have been just that — a celebration of space, grace and connection and a confirmation of those connections deepening every day throughout the entire year, not just on Christmas Day.
Thank you for this blog Megan, it has helped me come to a deeper understanding of the meaning of Christmas without the hype. It is just about taking the time to connect with loved ones and of course we can connect with everyone and every moment of every day.
Megan, You just reminded me of how I used to live my life years ago, where three or four events throughout the year, say a concert, someones wedding, the start day of a new job or a birthday were eagerly anticipated as where some fun and joy could be had. The rest of the time was spent waiting for these to happen and the thought that life was less exciting or fun in between, and often felt like a drudgery. The high points were needed as a reward you could say for the ordinariness of the rest of it. I realise that I wasted a lot of time daydreaming about what the event would be like and then afterwards, what it had been like, thinking this was normal. But its not normal, for there is no reason why we cannot enjoy and celebrate the simple everyday of life in connection to ourselves and others, being ourselves and appreciation of ourselves and others which makes each day a special occassion as you say.
I love your reflections Megan. Christmas is about connection. And in the scheme of things, christmas is just a day like every other, so everyday can be about connection; true connection with ourselves and connection with everyone around us. You have given yourself and your family a gift like no other by choosing to be the real you.
I agree Stevie, Christmas, Birthday’s all generally used as a way to making something or someone ‘special’ which implies that we are not special the other 364 days of the year.
Every time we choose to connect, we offer ourselves and everyone the greatest gift. Besides all the tinsel and the santa claus stuff the part I always enjoyed about Christmas day was the sense of space and just being with family with nothing to do. Thank you Megan for this reminder that Christmas need not be this silly if we have our connection.
Absolutely agree Joseph, better than all the presents and decorations, my favourite part of Christmas was always the feeling like the pause button had been hit on the busyness of life and there was a whole day to enjoy each others’ company.
Absolutely Joseph lets put connection first before making it about gifts.
It is so important, as when there is no connection, the gifts become sort of empty …
My family are based overseas so i have had an orphan Christmas for the past 20 years with whoever happen to be around. It has traditionally been a non festive affair and in recent years consists of a beach morning, delicious luncheon and a relaxing afternoon. It has come to be a day that offers reflection and also appreciation with no presents and the simplicity of enjoying each others company.
This sounds like my kind of Christmas Marcia. Christmas is a great time to catch up, to connect and have fun because a majority of us are not working and the opportunity is there to simply connect. If there is any stress or anxiety in the day no matter what day it is, it’s never worth getting ourselves into a state. Everyday is a celebration, so by choosing to take the pressure off makes a world of difference.
That’s beautiful Marcia. What you have shared really highlights for me what family means and the quality of ourselves that we share that is emphasised on these days.
Marcia I love celebrating in this simple way. This is our second Christmas overseas and what has become very clear is that family is everywhere, and I don’t mean just bloodline family. Our neighbours, friends, work colleagues, people we see everyday or people we have only just met can feel and be like family.
Megan having been caught up in Christmas and the illusion that coming together once a year with a set of roles, ideals and presents is akin to family I’ve certainly been having to re-address this whole topic. As someone that feels the falsity in things deeply I first took the route of wanting to avoid Christmas all together. However what I am now working with is having this as a period of time to come together, appreciate; something that we can do at any time of year. The onslaught of christmas ideals makes this a difficult time of year, so many people I know push themselves beyond their financial means to buy things they think they need to and in the end suffer financially for months to come. I love how you have started to expose the Christmas trap.
Perfect blog to read today Megan. My dad and I are having family at Christmas. We had been caught up in what food to prepare? What to make for dessert? How to make them happy in our gluten and dairy free home?
We just looked at each other at one point and asked what are we doing?
The day is about us coming together, being together, and not competing with the ideal of the best Christmas eva!
The meal will be simple but delicious. The being with each other even more so. I am looking forward to a day that I was starting to dread.
That’s awesome Rachel. I hope you have a lovely, connecting and enjoyable time with your family this Christmas. Just being the amazing you is all the recipe you need!
Great sharing Rachel! We create our own dread by getting lost in investments and expectations. To get further we may blame then the holiday of being stressful, thereby we gave up on ourselves, gave up on sharing from our fullness and then trying to replace it with the perfect food or gift – what will never work, never will be enough, because nothing outside of us can ever catch up with what we have inside. The true preciousness on every day is to be with each other. Lets celebrate this.
What an awesome turnaround Rachel – a simple meal and simply being together sounds like the perfect day to me:)
That sounds truly lovely Rachel – and with this beautiful realisation to just being together for the love of all, it could not have been anything but a gorgeous day with all.
I can understand how you would want things to be perfect Megan and loose site of you in the process because we have made Christmas into this 1 day of the year where we are all meant to come together and be ‘jolly’. I used to love and hate Christmas when I was young. I would love having presents but I didn’t like how it was made into a special occasion and you had to be on your best behaviour, because Aunties and Grannies were arriving it all felt very false to me. I no longer feel the need to celebrate Christmas in the traditional way, but it is a lovely time to spend time with friends and family, no different to what I would do any other day of the year. “If connection and being the real me is the name of the game, I don’t even have to wait; I can do that anytime I choose.” absolutely this is how I feel too Megan
The fact we have to go into a doing of drive drive drive in order to get everything set for Christmas and that one special day of the year already exposes how we set ourselves up to not be in a momentum that will allow us just to be ourselves as we long ago separated to fill the roles of the host, present giver, present receiver etc. Love what you present here Megan as it also shows how simple the choice is to reconnect in the midst of such a hyper rush.
Hear hear Joshua, yes all true, and how easy it is when we just remember to reconnect with self and others, and then it all can be in the flow, Christmas or not..
Yes, Megan – ‘If connection and being the real me is the name of the game, I don’t even have to wait; I can do that anytime I choose.’ this is to me the real meaning of Christmas – Christ – the Soul and mas – massing together as One. But this is something that I can be everyday of the year and not leave it to just one day where it is impossible to be that which I haven’t been for every other day.
Well said Susan – that connection to self and others is available every day. That is how we deepen it, and not by bringing this intense focus to a single day, ignoring it for the other 364.
Megan, this is such a timely reminder for us all. I definitely find myself swept up by christmas and very much want to live in a different way this christmas. to just be me would be the perfect present to myself just not at Christmas but every day! Thank you.
When I was a child Christmas was an amazing secrecy and holy event, which always created lots of tension and excitement in my body. It was super special and the atmosphere was specific with all this mystery around it that I didn’t quite understand. Since being an adult I never felt to really celebrate Christmas and some times I felt guilty that I did not offer this speciality to my kids. The same with Easter, birthdays, etc. I kind of eliminated all those celebration days and made them pretty normal with very little focus on the presents. When I see something beautiful for one of my sisters, friends, my husband or kids during the year I buy it for them and it doesn’t matter if its their birthday, Christmas, etc. I really enjoy to celebrate and to appreciate whenever I feel the moment is there and spend Christmas as a beautiful moment to visit my family abroad without any expectations and just with the purpose of spending time together.
Me too Rachel, I love buying presents for family and friends when I see something that I know one of them will love, I give it to them regardless of whether it is a ‘special occasion.’ I used to try and save it up for their birthday but then could not see the point and gave it to them then and there. I agree we can celebrate and appreciate each other at any time of the year.
This is something I have started doing as well Mary-Louise. If I see something I know a friend or family member will like, I buy it and give it to them. No more waiting for Christmas or birthdays. It is such fun to do.
Great sharing Megan, we don’t have to wait till Christmas to be ourselves and celebrate and be with family and friends and connect deeply, we can do this on a daily basis and with this we live the joy of everyday Christmas or everyday normality.
Great start for an article about Christmas Megan, I hope it gets others writing as well. I love getting together with everyone at christmas and we often have others joining us which means we get to extend our family to anyone who fancies joining ours! What I find off-putting is when there is pressure for it to be the perfect day. I like that we share a few meals, play together, there is less television and sometimes even the odd disagreement, none of it is perfect and none of it matters. If it was a perfect day then what is wrong with the other days around it? As you say we have the opportunity to be that every day why save it for one?
We can make the choice to celebrate, appreciate, connect and be ourselves every single day. Christmas is for me not special and it is just an evening that I spend with my family. I don’t bring presents, nor do I have a christmas tree at home. I just bring me, most probably some lovely home-made food and my love. No hype for me.
I’m with you Mariette. The more I embrace every day as an opportunity to develop loving connections the more ridiculous the idea of celebrating on one special day seems. For us it will be a day like every other, with the focus being on time to reflect on the year we have had and the new year that is coming around again. That is what I love about this day.
It is lovely to hear that you embrace Xmas day the same as every other day, an opportunity to deepen love in your relationships.
I love the simplicity of this Mariette and fully agree with you – treating Christmas as just another day – nothing special any more than any other day of the year.
“I don’t bring presents, nor do I have a christmas tree at home. I just bring me, most probably some lovely home-made food and my love. No hype for me”.
This is a fabulous sharing Megan. Thank you. And it is perfectly timed as we are in the, as many call it, the ‘silly season’. However if people took on the approach you have here there would no longer be the need for this title. Instead it would just be known like every other day, making it about being ourself and in connection and relationship with others.
It is aptly named the “Silly season” as people do some silly things: stress and financial pressure over presents for family members; is there a belief that if they don’t get a great present they will not be expressing love? Stress and financial pressure again on cooking a Christmas feast – why not ask everyone to bring a plate and really have a shared meal….society has made it a very complicated time of year when really it needn’t be. We all have the choice as to how we are.
I’m completely out of this game. I feel zero need to buy presents, cook or do any of this stuff. It is so interesting and a little weird to read and hear how people get caught up in stuff like this when you are free of it. That makes me wonder if there are other areas of my life that I do have beliefs or am caught up in and can equally step back from!
I love what you present here Megan, if we make every day special it would be impossible for one day or time of year to be more ‘special’ than another. I have a similar relationship with my birthday – it is and always has been a day where I really like to treat myself, but I am realising and actually beginning to celebrate myself throughout the year also – it feels amazing when I treat myself this way.
Love your article Megan, I so agree with you here, it feels really lovely to look upon Christmas day as an opportunity to connect with and enjoy our families. Expanding this to include every day and every person we meet, yes to this in full. Being myself around Christmas time has always been difficult for me, as I too have done my fair share of wanting things to be perfect. This is no longer high on my to do list this year, so I am actually looking forward to Christmas this year.
This is super cool Megan. I have caught myself attempting to make things ‘perfect’ many times and it never fails to bring everything I want to avoid, fights, disharmony and tears. Keeping things simple is absolutely key. Just yesterday I ended up in huge reaction due to the fact I had decided to make lunch for 4 people while I was exhausted. It would have been far more true for me to put together something simple for myself and enjoy the company of others or even ask someone else to make me lunch. I can feel that this approach would have allowed for true connection (which is all I wanted in the first place).
Love it Leonne – no perfection, just feeling what is needed and then responding from there (and being open to not being perfect, accepting support where it is needed).
I love that – “and being open to not being perfect, accepting support where needed’ – awesome, thank you for a timely reminder Simon.
Wonderful realization Leonie. I too cant get caught in that trap of not listening to my body, soldiering on and then lacing it all with unspoken expectations – always a horrific recipe for disaster – but its great when you can catch yourself and reflect quickly then move on, knowing that you may do it again but might catch it a bit quicker next time until one day not do it at all.
Asking for support is something I know I don’t give myself permission to do enough. Now that I’m getting better at it, I can see how much pressure I used to put on myself trying to do it all, and not listening when my body had clearly had enough. Christmas can bring this out in people so its great to reflect on how we can make the season simpler and more harmonious for ourselves, focusing on what is truly important and leaving the hype out.
I can really relate to this Leonne, ‘It would have been far more true for me to put together something simple for myself and enjoy the company of others or even ask someone else to make me lunch. I can feel that this approach would have allowed for true connection’, there have been times when I have asked friends round for lunch and done all of the cooking and all of the serving, i end up feeling bitter and resentful, Im learning to ask for help and from friends and for friends to bring a plate of food to share, this feels much more respectful and loving.
Megan, thank you for this blog. I know what it is like to try and have a perfect Christmas and to try and be perfect in every day. What a release of tension from my body when I could let go of having a perfect Christmas which meant that I could live any day without being perfect.
Yes Sally that old perfect number isn’t reserved for one day a year, it permeates most things we do in most ways! And it does cause an enormous tension in our bodies and just general joy of life is diminished. Letting it go daily and every xmas seems to reflect that as it becomes less and less a big deal and more and more a lovely time to be with family and friends.
that sounds perfect Sally 🙂
Christmas can be every day, it is all about being together and connecting. We don’t need a special one day a year for that!
So beautiful, simple and true.
And totally easy to put into place as well, as when we are in joy-fullness things flow so beautifully and organising to have simple get-togethers becomes just that – simple.
This blog made me recall my own experiences of Christmas and how as a child there seemed to be a simplicity about this time which over time has got to become more and more complicated… Over the past few decades I have watched Christmas for many turn into a frantic affair and with each Christmas seeming more stressful – to the point at times, I either got swept up in the ideals and beliefs about Christmas myself or went to the extreme and just wanted to ignore it altogether. I love the opportunity I now have to still stay connected to myself whether or not it is Christmas and this way, I’m not waiting for Christmas to come around, but can have this connection with myself and others, every day of the year.
I completely agree – christmas seems to be spiralling out of control with people spending even more money and getting more and more stressed every year. I hear more and more how people are spending far more than they have and wracking up massive debts for Christmas, as it becomes more about presents and parties and money and less about the time you spend with your family.
I agree Rebecca, Christmas is a time where retailers make a lot of money and consumers spend a lot of money, often going into debt to buy presents and to have impressive functions they cannot afford. Christmas has spiraled out of control as more and more people are looking for something to fill their emptiness and they put so much focus on this one day of the year. Crazy really!!!
It’s no wonder we overeat big time to numb what we are feeling, especially at this time.
They say Christmas is the time to be merry… merry on alcohol and bloated on too much rich food. Crazy world we live in when consumerism rules the day and retailers make a fortune. All this is based on greed, not the true meaning of Christmas which seems to have been conveniently forgotten.
(And no amount of wearing Christmas jumpers and silly hats with bells on will make up for that…!)
And it doesn’t stop at Christmas – before long we will have Easter frenzy and Thanksgiving and the list goes on and on. How is it that we are living that we seek the relief of Christmas and such unfathomable stimulation? That we have fully embraced something so false and see a frenzied way of living as ‘normal’ is a good indication of how lost we may be.
I agree more and more people are struggling to cope with this time of year, it really does highlight our sense of family, love and support. Hospitals admissions at this time of the year often show an increase in substance abuse or mental health admissions. You can see the anxiety build in people leading up to this time of the year and often on this day many people feel very lonely.
Yes, Angela, many people in business have become expert at using people’s genuine impulse to be loving to their advantage by channeling the impulse for their own purpose: You will be particularly loving if you give jewelry or make a lot of heavy food for your family or or or.
This is an astute observation, Christoph, that the greedy have become experts at corrupting the genuine loving impulse for their own ends. Those that are sucked in are the ones, as Mary-Louise writes, are looking for something to fill their emptiness – and there are so many of those.
That’s what it all boils down to doesn’t it Jonathan and Christoph – this incessant need to fill the emptiness deep within…
Great realization, Megan. I am planning the same-to celebrate every day and connect to people, to invite them without perfection from my side and expectations of them.
Well said Elena, and why don’t we turn it around and live it the rest of the year in the same way like we do only at that special holiday season? And why are we not harmonious, open to others, welcoming people into our homes, gatherings and sharing meals together, sharing joy, opening our hearts to everyone the same, and treating us with equal love and care all the time? This should be natural to do, once we get out of the ‘it’s only about me and my loved ones’.
Once we drop these crazy expectations of ourselves and others and make it about connection and our relationship with one another, with the real life people, all these unrealistic ideals about having or wanting to be perfect or conform to an image have no foundation to stand on.
Amazingly well said Gabriele. This all needs to be dropped to allow us to just be in a truer connection.
That sounds like fun Elena, I feel inspired to do the same, just for the joy of it.
Thank you for reminding me why Christmas can be exhausting. Thank you for reminding me that there could be another way. As I prepare my children’s rooms for painting I am doing a big clean out and feel the weight of things that just don’t support us…it leads me to
wonder about giving and receiving gifts. Birthdays and Christmas ‘ s specially around children can be a taxing time for the giver and the receiver. I feel the material abundance almost as a
suffocation and feel to lighten the house by removing, burning or giving away any item that no longer serves the people of this house. When I gave my children the freedom to discard their possessions without worrying about hurting other
people’s feeling it became evident that even children feel the weight of holding on to that which they would rather not. It feels like we are groaning under the load of possessions and in some cases other people’s possessions ……the
obligation to keep inherited antiques…old photo albums….paintings not chosen for they way they feel. It seems to me that the way we do Christmas can greatly effect the weight and therefore feel of the house for the rest of the year to come. Thank you for your thought provoking article.
‘It feels like we are groaning under the load of possessions and in some cases other people’s possessions ‘ so true Ruth. Having just completed dismantling my late father’s house and in the process of assimilating some, mostly carefully chosen, objects into my own home I am already feeling I would like to have a clear out of my possessions to lighten the home.
Great points you make Ruth. Often the unseen, but felt, part of the gift includes expectation. Kids often want to please adults and so guilt gets tied in there too.
Absolutely Nikki and Ruth. There can be so much guilt around getting rid of unwanted gifts that we hang on to them out of obligation, cluttering up our homes and bringing a stagnant, self-sacrificing energy into play. It’s an amazing feel to clear all this stuff out. I still have a couple of things I’ve been holding onto for that reason, and they absolutely have to go now.
Over the last few years if I receive alcohol and chocolates as presents from people who didn’t know I don’t drink or eat sugar etc. , I just lovingly say that I do not consume them, my parents and sister would then ask if they could have the present if I didn’t want it, again I lovingly refuse saying I know these products harm me and why would I want to pass them on to anyone with this full knowing to do so would be a real lack of responsibility. At first this can cause someone to feel offended but deep down they really respect my choice to say no and to not pass on that which I know harms.
I am a little ruthless when it has come to unwanted gifts. Most of the time they don’t even make it home. One Christmas I stopped by a rubbish skip to dispose of unwanted gifts I had received. However, I did also have to follow it up with a conversation about how being together means more to me than any gift could ever offer. This was my gift.
Well said Vicky and I love what you claim here. It is truth in and out for me.
It is the same when I receive Christmas cards, sometimes I can feel the energy they have been written in – stress, overwhelm -a heavy feeling of obligation, when we succumb to the notion of giving because it ‘is what we have to do”,there is no real love behind it.
I get that too Samantha. The feeling of obligation takes all the fun out of giving. I don’t normally give Christmas cards for this very reason, but this year I wrote one for each person in my office and included a message sharing what I appreciated about each of them.
And how deeply we can feel this! I have not done many cards this year – I have just written cards where I truly felt to express, and it was a lovely thing to do as I also felt the connection to me and the quality within which I wrote to each individual.
Yes, Nikki, I can remember not wanting to open gifts when people were watching in case it was something I didn’t want and I would have to pretend that I liked it.
I can resonate with that one Sandra, many times I have thought “mmm, thanks that’s nice…”, a bit embarrassing really. There’s a song that goes …”all I want for Christmas is my two front teeth…” , well all I really want for Christmas is a nice big hug from everyone and to be met by their eyes and in return I will open my heart and let them in.
What more could you ask for.
I was just thinking about this yesterday Ruth, how in truth all we are looking for or wanting as children is quality time and connection with our parents, without all the busy-ness and ‘doing’ and trying to impress others that is often there at Christmas. This is an important stop moment for myself as a parent to remember this before looking at what I think my children need or want for Christmas.
Fantastic Ruth so much pressure! I know I have done it myself when my daughter doesn’t care for something that I have maybe treasured, or like, really is not a good scenario and does weigh everyone down. I love letting go of sentimentality and living more in the now. I feel another clear out of the ‘stuff’ coming on.
Absolutely correct Ruth, children and adults often feel they have to hang onto presents and possessions they have been given out of obligation, it feels like a burden to them sometimes. And on a deeper note, children sometimes don’t feel met, loved and appreciated for just being themselves and see that adults find it difficult to express their love and attempt to do this through buying lots of presents or making Christmas a special day, this puts a pressure on the children to show appreciation back, which they might not actually feel, instead they feel the empty gesture of the giving and presents.
Reading your awesome comment Ruth, leaves me feeling breathless at the weight of clutter … I want to go clear out more stuff! I totally agree with you – ‘less is more’ is my philosophy and I certainly don’t have any more need for ‘stuff’ and it does seem rather ridiculous to overload each other with, what often amounts to unwanted gifts. At the same time, do we not feel guilty about buying ‘the right gift’ for someone when all they really want is Love, not more possessions, and certainly ones that ‘don’t have the right feel’. I can remember opening gifts that felt as if they had been bought in an energy of ‘that will do’ and this felt horrible and hurtful to me.
One interesting note is that one year after Christmas I had a clear out and took some things to the Charity Shop, they refused them because they had run out of space because everyone else was having a clear out too to make way for the new stuff they received for Christmas!! What a throwaway society we are. It’s no wonder charities are big business.
What a great Recipe for Christmas to be used every day of the year! Thank you Megan!
Once we live the connection and care that we would normally only have for Christmas, once we live this every day, Christmas becomes far less important – not because we downplay it but when you live harmoniously every day, every day is special and special days are like every day.
Yes Christoph , every day the same, special because of the quality we live in, our connection, and our relationships with others.
This is so worth repeating Christoph….beautiful….”when you live harmoniously every day, every day is special and special days are like every day.”
Yes I resonated with that too Christoph and Jenny – awesome expression and so true.
Yes – a more spacious way of living life this is
That’s lovely Christoph, that’s how I am beginning to feel, every day is special so then there is no need for the hype and razzamataz of Christmas to distract me. I can then make Christmas a time of confirming the appreciation I have, not only for myself, but for my family and friends, who are one and the same.
I am really appreciating your blog Megan as it has helped to remind me how easy it is to get caught up in the festivities, the expectations and unmet needs of previous Christmas’s. The false pictures and images of the ‘picture book’ of Christmas & Family that are displayed in magazines, pictures asking everyone to separate from who they really are. This year will be about bringing stillness and space to all I connect with, it will be about a cycle of evolving love and presence, and it will carry the beautiful momentum of my life as it continues to expand and open to others.
I love your sharings, Chistine and Amina. I have Christmas in front of my eyes concerning the comedy ‘ same procedure as every year’. If we see how every year Christmas is coming again and often patterns are repeated again and again it can give us a great reflection, where we have developed and evolved as human beings and what kind of change we have allowed. Like you Christine, I love to see Christmas as a marker where I am at and how loving I have become and am able to treat others.
Seeing these pictures of how a perfect Christmas shall be for what they are – just pictures (usually made up to sell a product or an idea). My choice for this Christmas is to not expect or wish for anything, just enjoy meeting everyone and letting the rest unfold in whatever way.
What pressure we put upon ourselves to be perfect, and how we practice that more at times like Christmas. But as you say Megan, it is an insidious component of every day, and encouraged by the world around us, and can be addressed at anytime. If we start practicing now, then Christmas can come and go smoothly, as will every other day. We have made Christmas into a huge accumulation of buried hurts, nostalgias, desires, hopes and fears, and attachment to perfect outcomes, whereas if we live each day with “maybe” and “not knowing” how things will turn out, yet knowing the quality of energy we choose to live each day, then we can let the attachment to the outcome and the perfectionism go.
This is beautiful Joan. I really resonate and like the focus on non-attachment to the outcome, but focusing on the quality. This approach we can adopt at any stage and place in our lives.
Well said Joan, we often act out of buried hurts around Christmas, if we have experienced unpleasant times in the past we try to create a perfect Christmas, in an attempt to not feel those hurts, we try to push ourselves and families to create this amazing experience, yet if it’s all coming from an underlying hurt, which we are trying to cover up and not feel, then how open and loving is one going go be with other people?
Beautifully said Joan. Christmas can so easily become a prescriptive affair – everything needing to be ‘just so’ or else it is ruined in some way. Just shows how far we live disconnected from ourselves every day. Every day is a reflection of how we have lived the day, week, month, years before, so if Christmas Day is a struggle, disappointing, challenging etc. it simply shows where and how we’ve been living.
Michelle, you make some good points here. It’s true that any ‘special’ event is “a more extreme reflection of how we live our lives”. We get to see a magnified version of our wants which are, as you say, just a distraction from “the emptiness we feel” and we try to fill this void with special food, alcohol or presents. If parents make the day about connecting with family the children won’t get overwhelmed by the barrage of gifts and the energy that comes with them and they won’t complain or compare because they will have received the best present – love.
Well said Joan. Our family puts in an effort everyday to how we are with each other. This year we chose to make it just about us in our immediate family and not do all the running around and expectations as per the past. We had a fabulous unifying day together choosing our activities and sharing our heartful gifts. Then on the following day we visited but with our choice of wanting to connect and share with our extended family. It all felt very beautiful
Megan, you have brought a very real and simple new approach to celebrating celebrations such as Christmas. Let’s make it about people, spending quality time with friends and family, even strangers, because we want to, not because we ‘have to’.
So true Suzanne…we can get so caught up in the “have to’s” and become overwhelmed, exhausted and lost in all the hype and drama of trying to be perfect, doing the right thing, etc.
Life becomes so much easier and simpler if we focus on just being ourselves, and taking us to everything we do – there is no perfection and life flows, making it far more pleasant for everyone!
I agree Paula- love this comment about letting go and just being ourselves and taking that to others.
Agreed Suzanne. Christmas can become stressful because we make it a rule that is needs to be celebrated and celebrated a certain way – the joy of being together can be lost.
….”the joy of being together can be lost” – this feels true to me Annie. Many families get upset at this time of year because of “who shall we spend Christmas with this year”… they want to be seen to be fair and end up feeling they need to see EVERYONE in rotation, either that or they really want to run away to the nearest resort to get away from it all, but instead of that they find themselves doing things they would rather not, just because it is Christmas. AND, if you choose to spend Christmas alone they look at you as if you have two heads. I don’t have two heads by the way, but I am choosing to spend Christmas quietly with my mother, no baubles and crackers, but a celebrating of our deepening relationship and that’s good enough for me.
Completely Annie, joy is lost, and also Suzanne — with this ‘rule’ of ‘have to’ seeded by a belief or certain ideal-ness, usually about ‘family’ and ‘being together’ and the so often resulting dis-harmony that ensues as a result during this time, it highlights how life is being lived the rest of the time … not living love the rest of the year. When love is lived aside any tradition, Christmas, or any other festival can be truly enjoyed, not endured.
Yes Suzanne, “because we want to, not because we ‘have to’.” Those people we are reluctant to spend time with are the ones we haven’t established a connection with and so if we could let go of the ‘have to’ and just be with them fully we might discover that we can be ourselves with them which would give them permission to relax and be themselves too and then we might enjoy being with them after all.
It’s the key isn’t it Suzanne – ‘ because we want to and not because we have to’. The ‘have to’ leaves us all short in connection. Quality time in true connection is where its’ at any time of the year, not just this one day.
Yes Karina.. ‘not because we have to’ .. because really who wants to spend Christmas, or any festivity with any level of obligation. This is not true, and really a lie, adding to the already bundle of lovelessness that is obligation. Often, saying no to Christmas (or any religious festival) and its tradition, is taken that family or faith is then dissolved or not regarded, but when there is duty, obligation or have to’s … then what is family, if family is meant to be, and stand for love. This is only condition, or conditioned love/family that has a certain heaviness as opposed to lightness that family naturally is.
I agree Suzanne, spending quality time, simply being ourselves no put or trying to be anything but our beautiful selves. I love using Christmas as a time of reflection over the past year and then seeing where we can go to next year.
I like that James. Christmas is a time of reflection for me too. Great point about letting us be ourselves. We can get into the trap of trying to fit a certain picture.
Quality time just being ourselves, present and connected being the love we naturally are, what a present that is.
Well said Suzanne.
A time of connecting and bringing our all to our families and friends – and what if we were to not wait until Christmas to do so?
This feels like a radical (simply because of what is statistically normal) and beautifully refreshing re-calibration of what a period of holiday like christmas can offer – an extension of our relationships and an opportunity to deepen our connection and commitment to ourselves and one another.
Timely article Megan. What happens for many at Christmas is a descent into debt and overwhelm in a crazy mission to impress. Buying the ‘right’ gifts, having the ‘right’ decorations, and a table loaded with so much food we can never eat it all. And who are we seeking to impress? Friends and family who probably know us so well, and love us enough not to care if we served pizza (gluten free with no cheese topping). And if they don’t how are we living our lives that they put presentation before love?
I have always found it crazy watching people struggle financially in the buying of presents. A few years ago I had very little money and so I didn’t do Christmas. My family didn’t have a problem and it was actually very loving (for both sides). Why would we want our family and friends to go into debt or to struggle simply so they could buy a present that we really didn’t need?
I love it Nikki, the gift byingi is done so often because it is expected instead coming from true joy so it doesn’t make sense exept to tick the boxes.
Indeed Kerstin, when i observe the busy streets of my local city, is see hundreds of people in the function of Christmas, adhering to the year in year out festivities and commercialism, there is an emptiness to their flurry, an expectation that the gifts will deliver the connection they are longing for.
I agree Lucinda. There are such enormous expectations about what Christmas will bring us, whether it is in the presents we buy for one another or the sparkling tinsel and lights on the Christmas tree, whereas what we are really looking for is the true connection we have with ourselves which we sorely miss. So no end of presents, glitter, turkey or chocolate bars will bring us this. We have it within us all of the time and maybe it’s a time of year that allows us the time to stop and feel what we have missed for so long.
With the flood of gifts we try to fill an emptiness inside that nothing from the outside will ever be able to fill. Love and appreciation for ourselves is what can start the process of healing the old hurts which cause this feeling of emptiness.
You have brought it wonderfully to the point Michael Kremer, trying to fill the emptiness is one reason to let the season get a “silly season”. And healing our hurts can turn the season back into a season of love. (As every season). Some days ago, I had a day I felt deep love for humanity called forth from my love for the student body of Universal Medicine, and within the German student body. The love I felt was comprehensive and deep, it was a very touching experience for me – also let me feel, how much I am holding back this love most of the time during the year. I shared my experience with a friend and his beautiful and wise comment was: “you are christmas”.
‘an expectation that the gifts will deliver the connection they are longing for.’ You have shared an insight here Lucinda which I have often felt but didn’t have the words for.
True. I have noticed also that it can be a time where people appear to be more ‘open’ to each other on one hand, yet there is a falseness in this. How people in the street may talk to each other for the first time all year, neighbourhood get-togethers and discussions over lights, yet in stark contrast to the days and months proceeding and failing such display of community. It is interesting that we wait until Christmas to talk to each other and with the pressure cooker of Christmas upon us all, what is the quality of the talk?
I love that Stefanie König “you are Christmas”. If we all focused about connection on this day collectively that would be gift the whole world would feel.
It is a great analogy Lucinda that we are constantly chasing things to fill the emptiness we feel inside.
Wise words Lucinda, ‘an expectation that the gifts will deliver the connection they are longing for.’ I can feel this with gifts, that we are seeking connection and rather than express love and have an initamcy with someone gifts can be a way of trying to show someone that we love them.
Yes and when we just tick the boxes, the ‘gift’ becomes empty and the receiver feels that deeply.
I agree Karina. The is so prevalent in shopping centres in the mad rush to buy days before Christmas.
This is true and really is pointless when we see it like this. It feel much truer to purchase a gift for someone when we have the impulse to do so.
Karina, I feel I just want to come in here, because of the expectations of the ‘ticking of the boxes’ as you refer to, and to a comment by Stefanie and Rik making a repeat of the few words “you are Christmas”. For some reason I suddenly was taken back to a time when I planned a trip across a couple of states to surprise someone for one of those ‘special’ birthday anniveraries – and I chose not to take a gift, but joyfully declared with love that “I was the present”. Interesting that others apparently did not feel the same way – because it seems that the belief system held so strongly was that even though a few hundreds of dollars was spent on the trip with transport and accommodation etc. that I in fact was remiss in not offering a gift. Hmmm. go figure! Thanks to the Ageless Wisdom teachings as presented by Serge Benhayon – we are reminded, each one of us, that truly we each are indeed ‘enough’ at the centre of our being in Stillness and Truth.
And this is known by us and felt by each of us all of the time – that we are giving and receiving from a picture and box ticking exercise, loving through what we give and receive rather than being the love we are and being content with bringing that.
Absolutely Deborah, ‘being the love we are and being content with bringing that.’ That is all that is needed, simple, instead of doing what is expected.
Absolutely and you can really feel the difference of when a gift is bought from duty and when a gift is bought from love- totally different feel. What I treasure more than anything is the love expressed in the relationship and just the opportunity to be together.
This is what truly matters for me too Kristy. The gift is the opportunity to express love with another. Being open and loving with someone who is very dear to me or with someone I have just met reminds me that love is a language we all know extremely well.
I agree Nikki. The obligation to buy presents can be an unnecessary financial burden at this time of year. There have been some year where we have agreed not to buy presents and this has been appreciated by all. This year we are doing a family secret Santa, we all just buy one present for another member of the family, with a sensible budget limit.
I agree Nikki I have seen crazy amounts spent of loved ones, I just don’t get it when you haven’t actually got the money, it’s madness to go into debt for a day, so much pressure on people to do this though and I just don’t buy into all the stress at all, never have since living away from my home town so to speak. I have had what in my twenties we called orphan xmas for all of those of us away from family, it was so much fun and now when I am with my family it has the same feeling of a get together sharing food, simple.
True Ariana,
They are unwrapped in an instant and onto the next gift and forgotten about soon afterwards. Christmas can easily become competitive and self-absorbied – a true gift never dates and stays with us always, we can return to it at will and it is valuable beyond measure.
“To have love to give all year round is to connect to ourselves and we become the love we can give to all.” Beautifully said Ariana, and I absolutley agree – a gift more valuable than anything money can buy.
As a kid I got so many presents from family and relatives but what I wanted most was to just have a lovely day with them. This mattered more than anything. When this became absent then the focus was on ‘what I got’. But I can remember being upset when what I got was something I totally wasn’t into. It wasn’t about the gift really but it was a hurt that the person didn’t really know me. Its a great reflection now to deepen my relationships as there are some people in my life who I don’t know what to get for their birthday.
I always find it interesting when you see kids going crazy on Christmas morning and when they are given gifts, unwrap them and throw them to the side and there is a real lack of appreciation. Sometimes I watch and its like the kids are searching for something else, any hint of connection and when that is not in the gesture of the gift its like an insult to them and sometimes its that the material has become more important in the reflections lived around this child that this too is what become their focus but it is not something that can ever truly feel you.
So true Ariana. We recently had a child staying in our home over Christmas and this child spent all their time watching movies on the iPad and I reacted a bit to this and the fact that the parents allowed it. The child seemed distant and dismissive then I realised instead of judging the situation, what was I doing.
I then took the time to talk to and connect to the child, they had been craving this and lit up, it only took a few minutes and the device was put away and the child would run into the home calling my name and wanting to play. It was a great learning to put judgement aside and offer connection as we are all craving this.
Good point. Absolutely madness to be spending money we do not have on presents and food at Christmas but also on birthdays and such.
I’ve seen many people go into debt over Christmas for fear of disappointing loved ones. If they could connect with themselves they’d appreciate no present could match who they are and being together. And they would feel how the stress that debt can foster takes them away from their connection with themselves and each other.
This is true Karin.
Every person I spoke with in the lead up to Christmas was sharing the enormous pressure they feel to buy gifts they can’t afford, visit family they find stressful and be inundated with guests.
There was a clear sense of overwhelm that they were aware of.
Each of them said to me – I would like to do it differently – maybe next year.
Concerning your sharing, Deborah and Karin, I asked myself how much people do identify gifts with love. A gift can be bought and given with love, it also can be bought and given with asking for recognition or wanting to match somebodies expectations. Then it is not a present given with love but with self-centredness. This leads to the question, what is more true and loving? Giving presents under pressure or to be love and enjoy the connection with everybody around.
Yes Kerstin, the intention for the gift is key – be that because society enmass is gift giving at that time of year and we are joining the bandwagon or a gift given to celebrate and appreciate another that is impulsed from our heart.
“If they could connect with themselves they’d appreciate no present could match who they are and being together”. Xmas lunch this year for me was exactly that. It was about connection to people. I had no stress. I did not eat too much to lose my connection. The food was so healthy and amazing with each bringing a plate to enjoy. I did not sleep when I came home. I was able to do some work I was not able to do all year. It was glorious!
So true Karin we can create even more anxiousness and guilt by buying gifts to fulfil a duty or obligations.
Presents are identified with objects we buy and give, thereby we can give so much more and different!
Our family had a Christmas one year where we all decided to spend no more than $2 on each person. It was fun to see what people came up with and amazing how each gift was so right for the person. It required us to really connect with each other rather than try to impress them with an expensive gift or reluctantly fulfill an obligation.
This is my feeling too Nikki, many of us put ourselves under undue pressure at Christmas, putting us into exhaustion, anxiety and debt. And for what? For me Christmas should be about celebrating ourselves, our family and friends and appreciating what we have, but this is something we could do all the year round and not just for one day. What Megan says is right, Christmas can be a trap – a trap that we can fall into and get swept away with all the hype which takes us away from ourselves and can severely damage our bank balance and our waistline and end up making us feel guilty if we don’t want to be part of it all.
True Sandra. I am also turning 30 this year and I can feel a real sense of pressure from friends about what I’m doing, what I want for it etc. There are certain birthdays and events throughout the year seen as milestones, such as xmas – and big birthdays feel no different. We seem to put a lot of pressure on these events when really isn’t it just another day? Another opportunity to appreciate each other not through gifts but through connection?
I agree Nikki, it is ludicrous how much debt people go into to buy presents which often the other does not like, nor need then they spend the next 6 months having to pay off their credit card debt.
Me too. I agree.
Yes, how can we celebrate this each year – the masses buying presents they can’t afford and getting deeper in debt.
True Mary-Louise, where did the idea of buying presents come from. Why the need to buy gifts when it is a time of year to connect. The greatest gift of all is to connect to who you are and be all of you.
I agree with this Rik – and this year i have found that many people are talking about the joy of connecting with friends and family….clearly this speaks louder than gifts and keeping up with christmas pressures.
So true Nikki- my family has grown over the years and Xmas time has always been a very stressful time- trying to find that perfect gift for each child out of 13. Each year we have endeavoured to make it simpler- reducing the number of gifts and having a set value on them to appear fair.
Now that all my nieces and nephews are older- over 21 yrs old we have stopped giving presents, but instead focus on the quality of the relationship we can have with each other on Xmas Day. And we all bring a plate of food to share instead.
Our family has discovered exactly the same.
We stopped the ‘presents pressure’ and now our gift for each other and ourselves is to spend time with each other at Christmas – without any pressure at all.
You make a great point here Catherine, is it because we are more worried what people think of us which has us striving for the perfect christmas gift or is it the expectation of what a perfect christmas should look like. Why are so many people willing to go into debt and just about manage to pay it off before the next christmas – how stressful is that.
It’s almost like on some level people think their love and self value are being measured by the cost of a gift or people are playing a game with the expectation of gift giving on this one day. I prefer to buy what I feel for a person when I feel it not because one day is coming around.
Yeah I can relate to this Johanna of not having shown a person how much I do love and care about them so feeling I needed to make it up to them by buying an expensive gift.
We live in a culture of debt now and so it seems like nothing to have Christmas the same way. When I had thousands of pounds of debt, my thought process was always what’s another £40 or £100 I can’t pay it off anyway (I did in the end), but I can understand the giving up. It is a total lack of responsibility.
Shevon that is a great point this mentality is actually crippling us. To carelessly rack up credit cards because we need to have the ‘perfect’ Christmas is putting so much strain and tension on us. I used think I had to play along with this game but then realised that there was nothing to be ashamed about not having the money to buy the present. That actually that is not what it is about at all and to be able to spend time with the people you care for is the most important thing during this time of the year.
It is interesting that we so easily give up on ourselves and are not responsible for an aspect of our lives such as finances for the sake of an ideal or belief that presents are what is important at Xmas. Rather than how we are in our relationships the rest of the year round.
Agreed Julie, and what does it show our children? It seems to me that nowadays one gift isn’t enough, in my opinion many children are overloaded and overwhelmed with gifts and end up playing with the wrapping! Christmas nowadays seems to be making it more and more about consumerism and missing the point of Christmas being a celebration of the birth of Jesus and celebrating each other and what we already have.
Is it that they can feel the lack of connection and love expressed in the relationship at other times in the year and then they go into wanting to make it up and ‘do the right thing’ but it comes from regret, guilt or obligation often and not from love and appreciation of the person.
It is a beautiful experience when someone buys you a gift and you can feel the love and care that has gone into it, every time you then use that gift you are again reminded of this- its a feeling and quality that comes with it and its very beautiful to receive this as its a confirmation of you and also the quality of your relationship.
Very aptly described Catherine…”Presentation before love” – it is a sad reality that beliefs and ideals from traditions are put as priority before the very one thing wanted 365 days of the year, and not just one day/season – LOVE, HARMONY and natural JOY.