This is my story of when I decided to stop drinking alcohol. I was never a heavy drinker at all, I actually hated the taste of wine and beer – and especially the taste of alcohol, it made me want to vomit, but I still drank because all of my friends did. So instead of listening to my body, I drank to fit in.
I know that is a sad excuse but that’s how it was for me, and it goes to show that my self-confidence wasn’t the greatest at the time. Drinking back then was the “social thing”, even though I now feel it’s the furtherest thing away from being social. We like to believe it’s social because we feel more confident speaking to people, but I’ve learnt it’s not a true confidence.
So back to my story…
In the beginning I must say I enjoyed the buzz – I thought I felt more confident but at the same time there was a stroke of arrogance about my behaviour. I was quite flirty and used my looks and charm to attract women, but it felt quite shallow and needy and I didn’t feel that I was being very respectful towards them, even though I was in no way rude. At least that is what I felt at the time.
It just felt like the whole situation around consuming alcohol seemed very superficial and fake and this is not what I truly wanted. I love being around people and I love the connection with them, but when alcohol was present that loving connection was out the door and that was also one of the reasons I quit drinking, side by side with the following incidents.
When I got to the point where I decided that enough was enough and I stopped drinking altogether, there had been a gradual process of realising how I felt after having alcohol.
I have been one of those guys that wanted to go out the door and play first thing in the morning but after a ‘night out’ my body just didn’t have the energy to do it and that bugged me quite a lot. So the okayness I felt about having alcohol slowly faded and ended entirely after what I can remember was a three-stage process.
The first time was at a party of one of my friends; I felt my lower back hurt when I started drinking and I couldn’t understand why. It just felt very uncomfortable, as if someone was holding and squeezing my kidney very hard. But at that point I still kept on drinking.
The second time, from what I remember, I started to feel something before I even opened the first bottle. Something in my lower back started to hurt the same way as the first time but I overrode this feeling yet again.
The third time however, something happened that made me realise what I was actually doing to my body. Same thing as before, I could feel something in my kidneys before I even started drinking but this time it felt as if someone literally put a knife straight into my physical kidney… and that was enough for me!
After that incident I never touched alcohol again and I haven’t regretted it for one second. It was actually great that my body told me that loud and clear what it truly preferred. Looking back I knew from the beginning that alcohol wasn’t my thing. When I was younger no one really questioned why you drank (except from my mum, bless her) but why you didn’t drink, as if drinking alcohol is normal.
For me it seems very strange to put something into our bodies that makes us ill, flat and tired the next day – it doesn’t make any sense, so giving up alcohol for me was a no brainer.
Now when I go out to restaurants or clubs, which is a bit more seldom than before, I have a glass of water and enjoy the food and the people.
By Matts Josefsson, Support Person in Psychiatry, Student, Dalarna, Sweden
Further Reading:
Getting Honest about Alcohol
Drinking Alcohol – The True Picture, The True Damage
From wine to water: How I finally quit drinking alcohol with the help of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon
Alcohol has become for many a socially accepted form of drug taking, there is now so much scientific evidence that it damages our health, can make us very abusive towards each other – there is research into alcohol and domestic violence and yet we still ignore the evidence that is put in front of us.
Drinking alcohol is a ‘no brainer’ as it interferes with the wisdom to feel truth.
There comes a time when we say enough is enough and start to choose something different
When a new choice is made based on love there is no end to the deep healing that is then on offer.
A beautiful thing to step away from the mainstream and make choices for ourselves. Quitting alcohol, is like dropping an old sour damp overcoat that no longer serves and saying yes to feeling ourselves again.
‘It was actually great that my body told me that loud and clear what it truly preferred.’ Matts, this is great, my body also told me loud and clear and I ended up in hospital and unable to drink, at the time I saw this as a nuisance, but now I see that my body was clearly saying not to drink alcohol and how supportive this actually is.
Matts, I agree with this nowadays; ‘For me it seems very strange to put something into our bodies that makes us ill, flat and tired the next day’. Years ago though I was a heavy drinker and did not care what the consequences were and how awful I felt the next day. I care now and don’t drink anymore and enjoy my days and am committed to work and my family and do not want to feel ill, flat and tired. I now feel better than I ever have and I love the consistency of this, without the up and downs.
It is now widely known that alcohol is a poison, so is not good for our health and well-being, yet many people still override this fact thinking they can get away with abusing themselves, then we wonder why illness and disease statistics are rising.
It’s great that your body gave you such clear signals and that you heeded them. For me getting pregnant was my prompt to stop and although I drank occasionally after that it never had the same allure and I certainly did not want to deal with the consequences as life got busier and since finally saying never again I haven’t looked back and love that I wake clear-headed every morning ready to greet the day and deal with whatever happens without being clouded by the after effects of alcohol consumption.
No longer drinking alcohol has changed the quality of my life irrevocably such that the clearheaded and clear bodied quality I enjoy and appreciate is worth far more than a single drop of alcohol.
How many times do we override what our bodies are telling is, all because we do not want to stand out and appear different to the rest of the crowd. Too many times I suspect.
I very much enjoyed alcohol and it took a few more than three times for me to feel what was happening in detail but the process still didn’t take more than a few months.
I look forward to the day where you are not seen as weird for not choosing to drink alcohol.
I remember I used to have alcohol because it stopped me feeling awkward – I’d relax, do stupid things, and not realise quite how boring I was because essentially was a little bit numb to what was actually happening. A quick fix, rather than the gorgeous process of getting to know myself and bringing all of me to the conversation instead!
I thought I loved alcohol. I drank a lot and I looked forward to a wine to relax. But it was never just one wine – it was a bottle at least. And then I’d just have a memory blank and pass out, and wake up with the most awful taste in my mouth the next day. And I would do it all over again a couple of days later. It shows how abusive I was being – when the truth is I hate drinking and I hate what it does to people.
How quickly we forget when the emptiness is there to refill the next morning.
When I started to experiment with stopping alcohol and the phasing out stage, when I hadn’t had a drink for a while and then had one, there was a intense tightness and heaviness on my back, and then I could feel myself change.
It’s quite fabulous how the body can speak to us loud and clear and even more so when we actually take heed and listen and take action.
Yes, I love how our body shares its wisdom with us, and the more we listen the more it shares.
I also have not regretted the choice to stop drinking alcohol. I used to be a committed drinker with friends at the weekend and use to scoff at the idea of not doing it. But now I choose not to and I feel without a doubt so much better. There is something very powerful about freeing ourselves from habits that reduce us, emotionally and health wise.
Yes I was told that alcohol would make me feel more confident around people and as I felt shy quite often that was something that appealed to me but in truth it actually never changed with the alcohol. I might have been more ‘chatty’ but the underlying shyness never was healed by the drinking. And why would we need a substance that is actually a poison to deal with our shyness?? It is one of those un-logical things we all accept as a society hook line and sinker without questioning it.
What you describe with the underlying issue remaining seems to be very common – alcohol provides a superficial level of bravado but without substance.
I was a drinker on large scale and waking up with a hangover was just part of my daily routine and I was completely used to it. I have now not had a drink in over 10 years and wouldn’t contemplate doing that to my body again. The body can put up with a lot but it won’t keep doing it forever.
We sure have to miss something very deeply to engage in so many for us harmful things.
I agree, the body does keep on attempting to bring harmony, homeostasis and balance and although the signs may be seemingly small initially they mount up and we ignore them at our peril, at some point the body can not continue to replenish if we treat it rough.
When you get to a point in your life where you don’t ignore the facts of what your body is telling you, how the poison is simply too much then the thought of giving up or stopping something that is harming you seems a lot more possible. It’s not until you truly heal the hurts that we carry deep down within that then opens a door of not needing to numb ourselves anymore. Thanks to Universal Medicine I have been supported to feel, be honest and let go of what is not true in my body and alcohol that was slowly destroying me.
Matt, a great blog showing just how much the body dislikes alcohol. I actually liked alcohol and stopped when I remembered what would happen over the next 12 hours if I drank alcohol – I never had this immediate and strong protest of the body, only a memory of how unpleasant the aftermath felt.
I too have experienced a immediate change in my body after drinking one glass of wine. It was a strange tightness in my jaw and was the final sign that for me alcohol did not suit or agree with this wonderful body of mine who knows clearly what is harmony and balance.
Where can I find the love button : )
It is shocking how much we can override our bodies, because we think something is fun, that we want to fit in etc…I am coming to realise there are many ways that we do this and consuming alcohol is certainly something for us to look at in terms of how it actually affects our body.
Feels like its more than that. We use so many substances, especially alcohol, to numb out the fact that we are here on earth to actually grow and expand who we truly are, both individually and as a society. With the substances in our body we will be comfortably numb to that fact. Sooner or later though it will have to come back and bite us in the bum because the bum is not there just to sit on.
“giving up alcohol for me was a no brainer.” More a case of the body saying ‘No’ to what the brain had been over-riding.
Yes, but only after having a sip of love…
And definitely a case of listening to the body with the brain. That is very much worth doing.
It’s amazing what we can ‘get used to’ but if we let our bodies tell us it will give us the honest and truthful answer if we ‘like’ it or not.
Yes, it’s all a matter of listening to what our body is communicating.
I was at a wedding the other night and I’m pretty sure my wife and I were the only ones there that were not drinking alcohol. in so many situations people just presume alcohol and celebrations go hand in hand but I was quietly celebrating that I no longer needed to celebrate in that particular way, don’t get me wrong I used to love to drink but I realised how badly it was damaging me and now choose not to.
We all have our own experience of giving up something for good. We just need to touch on that reason, that trigger in the body that goes, ‘this is no longer something I’m willing to do’. For me alcohol was an instant give up when I became pregnant, for my partner it was an instant give up some 15 years later after attending a Universal Medicine Retreat – our bodies register ‘that’s it, never again’ and we are open to listen.
Drinking alcohol doesn’t even cross my mind these days, I couldn’t imagine having a hangover and wasting a morning feeling exhausted and drained.
That is the beautifull thing when the love in our bodies is more appreciated by us than the numbing of any form of substance, in this case alcohol.
I will never forget the revolting bitter taste of beer from when I was about 8 years old. I was at a motorboat show and helping myself to the free beer and taking the bubbles from the top of half pints of larger. It was disappointing in taste after apple juice and looked far more appealing than it was, but with perseverance over the years I managed to force myself to not only like the taste but think that I loved the taste and so kept on drinking for years.
Initially, alcohol is very unpleasant. Then we get used to it and it is now initially quite pleasant but not as the evening wears on.
Giving up alcohol was actually very easy for me as I gave it up for my health. I didn’t used to drink a lot and most of the time I didn’t enjoy it but that didn’t stop me from drinking, but my health in general was not great and giving up alcohol was one of the several things that were removed from my diet. And it was one of the most wise and self-loving decisions I have ever made. I don’t miss it and nor does my body, and now I wonder why I actually starting drinking in the first place, after all it is a poison, and poison of any sort has no place in my body.
I gave up alcohol nearly 20 years ago and I have never missed it not for a moment.
When we realise that we are here on earth to reflect the light of our soul then drinking alcohol becomes quite a bizarre thing to do.
After my stormy teenage years of drinking way too much and feeling the consequences – stopping drinking completely was one of the best decisions I ever made.
Drinking alcohol has not supported us as a society. We all know what alcohol does to our health, to our road death statistics, and to our domestic violence situation. And yet as a society we still turn to it. Perhaps time to consider another way.
As long as we chose to indulge in things like alcohol we will never ever evolve as a society. When the hangover gets too much to take and the ridiculousness of it is seen and felt then we might start to consider what in the h..l we are doing to ourselves and to us as a species.
Alcohol is considered so normal these days but it is anything but normal. Sooner or later we have to wake up to this fact.
There are so many things we humans do that is so bizarrely strangely weird that it’s hard to know where to begin. Alcohol is but one such example.
In the future we will scratch our heads wondering how on earth we once thought drinking alcohol was normal.
Agreed Matts and yet at this point, drinking alcohol is still seen by many as normal. You are seen as ‘healthy’ or strange if you don’t – it’s like the normal is the poison and the unhealthy.
Hi David, yes it has to be considered normal otherwise we would have to say what we are doing is not true and that is something we loathe admitting. It’s the psyche of us humans to manipulate ourselves in such a way.
The thing about it being a ‘social thing’, which is what I also believed and subscribed to, is that this is a massive lie. How can we honestly truly be with each other, get to know one another or connect in true intimacy when we have obliterated ourselves with poison and are no longer with ourselves or sharing our real selves. This a such a fallacy that imposes on us all in society, inciting that to fit in and be sociable or a part of society we need to drink alcohol. I have not consumed alcohol for many years now and I attend many functions, events and parties and with each one I never feel I am missing out, rather the opposite I feel confident and fulfilled that I am sharing the gorgeous quality of who I am with all that I meet.
That is exactly what we need because there are many out there feeling the exact same thing but feel they haven’t got the courage to speak up about it, so having someone standing up for what they feel is true can help many others eventually making the choice they feel is right and true for them.
Alcohol is a poison to the body, that most consider drinking it to be a normal part of everyday life, we know the effects of it as your have described, and it was great for you to be self loving enough to heed the bodies signals and completely stop, I am sure your body is loving you back for your decision.
It takes the honesty and awareness of our body to be able to say no to alcohol which is yes to the deepening respect for ourselves to care deeply about our body, which is the answer to why we drink or not drink.
It sure does Adele and with this honesty and awareness we feel greater freedom to enjoy living who we truly are.
It’s football season now again… Let’s just observe the combination of sport and alcohol in action all around the world
And also as a result of that mentioned cocktail the rise in domestic violence during events like these. Toxic through and through.
Yes our energy should not be used by others but that is also a case of us having to be responsible in not giving our power away. Others drinking doens’t have to affect us if we are aware of what is going on. If we are occasionally in the pub or with friends thinking that it won’t affect us will most likely affect us very much. Some people even say that even if they don’t drink they feel hung over the next day if they’ve spent the night out.
Yes but the more we listen to our bodies the more we can pick up what our bodies are actually communicating with us 24/7.
Interestingly enough the amount of people that I share I have stopped drinking for over 10 years now and they are shocked or surprised is very common. But what I find even more interesting is that a lot, not all actually want to know more and have had a part of them that wanted to try it to see how it feels in the body. This to me is priceless. I don’t hold back on the incredible shift that has occurred by not drinking alcohol. How once I got off the initial what do I do with myself, my hands, what do I talk about and feeling uncomfortable with it around people the more I stared to love letting go of an ingrained way of living that was actually hurting me very much. It is a poison after all!
Yes Natalie – why not start a quitter circle where your everyday drinker can get supoort in living a life free from in this case alcohol. I think there are many that might not even consider this to be an option since it’s so very common to drink.
Yes when the agony of having to cope with alcohol in our body becomes just too much we can easily drop it, and probably wonder why on earth we didn’t do it way earlier.
There is a point when we realise the extent of our harmful behaviours and how they impact on others – if we then choose to move differently we have the opportunity to re- imprint and heal instead of harm.
And that move can just be a decision to be loving with ourselves.
It is interesting that we have created a society where we think we have to explain why we do NOT drink alcohol rather than try and explain why we do.
Yes it’s a bit upside down isn’t it.
Yes, even though alcohol is recognised as a strong laboratory disinfectant.
Yes, so true. If you take a step back and observe the obsurdity of that it asks us to ponder what else have we got back to front?
I just have to say that it feels pretty amazing that my new normal is to not even flinch at the thought of having alcohol. It’s a great mile stone when you stand free from the many hooks that come with it.
Yes, it’s the king of normal.
Matts, I love your honesty in sharing why you started to drink and then now not drinking because you can feel in your body how harmful alcohol is. I started drinking when I was around 18 to also fit in but my body spoke to me very loudly I could not resist its messages. After a dozen attempts I decided my body was more precious than my need to fit in. So when I decided alcohol was not going to be a part of my social scene at the same time I realised I didn’t have to fit in because all I had to do was be myself. Pretty cool to realise this and thank God for my body telling me in such early stages that alcohol is poison to my body. Amazing to be able to feel how sensitive my body is.
Very true, thanks for sharing Chan.
In one of my early sessions with Serge Benhayon I brought up my addiction to alcohol. His answer supported me to give up alcohol very easily. He told me that many people were addicted to the sugar in the alcohol because it gave them energy rather then being addicted to drinking itself. This made perfect sense to me and with this realisation I began to deal with my exhaustion and lack of commitment to life and the drinking dropped away.
Yes in this case we’re talking about alcohol but it could be any other thing or drug we use to soothe something within us we do not want to deal with.
Having worked in hospitality and being around people that drink alcohol what a blessing it has been to actually be able to say no to it and not partake in something that clearly is harming and not supportive in any way shape or form. Still currently working in hospitality I am starting to notice a slight shift where it is not abnormal to not drink, some are just deciding that they two don’t like what it does or they are reacting to it in such an extreme way it has to be stopped.
And for that we must applaud the body. It’s very honest in saying what is best for it.
Alcohol used to be my norm. I did it because everyone else was doing it. How wrong was I once connected to my body and felt how it made me feel. As the feeling of joy entered back into my body and life, the abuse I once allowed with very depressive thoughts, is no longer running me, and the feeling of joy is my focus.
Sounds like there’s a song there Rik.
Awareness is the missing ingredient from all our discourses on drugs and addiction. It’s something we prefer to be unaware of. Funny that – what if this is the true root cause of our addictions and disease? Thanks Matts for getting me pondering.
Great question Joseph. I very much agree that being aware does support us to heal our addictions. I feel honesty is also a key ingredient in this because without honesty we can easily dismiss our awareness.
Yes Joseph and the more love we have for ourselves the less of what is not love will we then allow, so for me the alcohol dropped when I felt what was truly best for me.
Its a huge learning and upstanding as to why people drink a poison called alcohol. In Ireland we have a saying about drinking a poison called alcohol.
” Have a few pints and drown your sorrows ”
People use it as a numbing to prevent feeling how sorrowful their life is by the way they are living their lives.
Yes we miss the joy, get sad and then want to drown the sadness with alcohol. Not a great recipe for success.
But this doesn’t make sense John O Connell because we can only drown our sorrows for a short time when the alcohol wears off we are left not feeling great from the effects of drinking alcohol and the sorrow is still there. So drinking alcohol just gives us a temporary relief, surely dealing with what makes us sorrowful not only supports our bodies but also is not so expensive as drinking our sorrows away, which as we know we cannot actually achieve.
I was talking to a young man yesterday who told me he doesn’t drink as it seems a waste of money to just poison yourself, I completely agree.
Yes you can use that money to buy something you really want instead.
And it seems like a wise man you met.
Exactly, what I have come to realize is the lack of appreciation I had for myself in those moments like you described to actually not drink alcohol, as my body gave me many signals that it did not like alcohol at all, but my busy driven mind I held stronger and more valuable at that time. I had little appreciation for myself and my body and override signals from my body easily, all to be close to groups and belong to them. A powerful nomination this is, as I am building more appreciation within my life; for myself and my body and also for others, that now I listen to those signals of my body more and more… and life is becoming so much more smooth and loving!
Yes, letting the light within lead the way is a sure success.
We are going to an event tonight and I am already looking forward to not drink any alcohol. Knowing and feeling that alcohol is pure poison to the body, we love to reflect this with no hesitation and holding back.
It’s a poison for the body and also for us connecting as beautiful beings. We miss that a lot so keep on shining. When you read this the event has probably already been but I’m sure you did a great job shining Stefanie! Lots of love
Alcohol is just another way for humanity to not feel their actual exhaustion, because it gives you, besides many other facts, this energy boost through the sugar that is in it. I love not joining others to drink, I proof every time that you can have a lot of fun without alcohol 😉 Because I enjoy myself and share this with others- why putting in a substance that changes this great connection?!
So beautiful Stefanie, why would you take away the beautiful person we are by drinking alcohol, such a waste of beauty. Lot of beauty around here : )
Yes, sip some love and the taste for alcohol goes out the door.
I agree Stefanie, the perception that we have to drink alcohol to have fun is such a lie because I went out a lot in my teens and early twenties and I was able to have fun with my friends without alcohol. But as soon as they started drinking our connection then started to drop the fun also dropped with it. So, to me alcohol kills any form of fun.
I think in time we will start to realise how insane it is to drink alcohol. As of now we think it’s normal but it is completely idiotic (it is) to drink something that is harming our body as it does.
Like you, I never really liked the taste of alcohol- the way it loosened me up in certain situation let me consume it, as it felt like a letting go of control. But in the same time I wasn´t really connected with me anymore and slipped into a role.
My body also never really coped with alcohol well- quite the opposite. After choosing more selflove for my body and looking at the root causes, why I wanted to escape from ME time to time, quitting alcohol was super easy for me.
Hi Stefanie, yes the loosening up is an illusion. Like you say it’s checking out from our body just like the effect of any other drug. When we actually love our body there is no way we will put anything like that in it.
I love how your body spoke loudly and clearly to you Matts, even before you started to drink the alcohol your kidneys were hurting, our bodies are so wise and loving and can teach us so much.
For sure LorraineJ, I would say this is happening to all of us, the only difference is if we care to listen or not.
It has now been over ten years since I stopped drinking alcohol and I really must write my story one day as well because now it is so hard to believe that alcohol used to be such a big part of my life.
Go for it Kev, love to hear about it!
This is such a great sharing of how our bodies ‘talk’ to us. I too ‘played’ with alcohol in my younger years and quickly found I simply couldn’t bear the taste of beer and spirits, but chose to work my way around this by sweetening the deal adding sugar to the mix. I shake my head now as I am just realising this was also the way I worked around drinking milk, which my body also told me loud and clear that it loathed.
I have distinct memories of feeling the world spinning around me after drinking less than a glass of wine with a meal at home with friends; of choosing to skip going out after that as there was no way I felt capable of being out in the world feeling as I did. However, it wasn’t until I felt such a huge bodily reaction to just one mouthful of wine that I finally listened to what my body was unmistakably saying to me. Alcohol + a human body does not = a great way of being/feeling/living.
So true. Love what you share how you obviously enjoy being present and alive more than being foggy and disorientated which is the effects of alcohol.
Yes I think we are a bit reluctant to really feel how lovely it can feel if we let ourselves be with each other. The booze is the band-aid for the hurt little being inside of us that is a bit afraid to let the hurt be seen by others.
What is funny is what you describe- everyone knows drinking alcohol is harmful to the body, yet it is true, you get asked more why you don’t drink instead of why you do drink. As a teenager and in my twenties I drank quite a bit. I grew up in a house where my mother never drank alcohol and was upset the first few times I drank. However, then I stopped drinking alcohol in my early thirties and my Mum then questioned me more on this and said that maybe she would even start drinking as she thought people who drank were more relaxed. The reason she chose to not drink in the first place was because her parents were alcoholics and used to get very abusive when drunk- its interesting that it is not about drinking or not drinking but people are more confronted when you choose to do something out of love for yourself- this is what is more confronting and what gets the most reaction.
Interesting what you share MW, she didn’t drink and that in itself was quite a blessing for you growing up I would assume but then she considered drinking because the reflection you brought was perhaps a bit too much for her. Sometimes alcohol seems to be like an evil demon that possess you to say and think things that doesn’t seem like it’s you saying it.
Sounds like they had an honest explanation of what alcohol really is. Good job by the teacher. And if the kids or students get the chance to be themselves and not get sucked into the whole having to learn things to be someone in life they will naturally not touch or go anywhere near alcohol because they will feel how damaging it really is.
Alcohol was for a very long time part of my daily rhythm. Caffeine is what started every day and was topped up till about 6 pm and then a drink or two after 10 pm knocked the edge off to sleep. Then repeat every day. I was asked by a doctor to stop drinking for 6 months to see if a skin problem was caused by alcohol. I found it quite simple to just stop. After six months I returned to see the doctor and she asked if I noticed any changes, I said yes, I have saved lots of money but the skin problem still persisted. The skin thing is another story but I have not drunk alcohol since. I had just substituted food to numb myself! I have just about eliminated everything that has taken me away from me and it has been my choice. I have no regrets
Steve you bring an interesting point to the conversation, like you I feel if we added up the cost of drinking alcohol, we would be quite surprised just how much we do spend on something that actually damages our health. This now makes no sense to me.
Speaking to someone who was describing their office party at 5pm at work and how they had a bit of music and were really going for it with the dance moves I already knew the answer to my question as to whether there was alcohol involved- there was. I’ve heard so many people say it gives them the confidence to be themselves, to be sociable and have fun when otherwise they wouldn’t. I remember thinking this too to varying degrees and until I felt how alcohol actually took me away from feeling myself. Now I may feel a little awkward socially at times but i prefer this as I can come back to being with myself, whereas alcohol really freaks me out now as I feel so far removed from myself.
Dancing sober is the best : )
Having stopped drinking alcohol I can say that in the moment it might have made me feel like it made me more confident, however in fact I would say I’d often experience the opposite the next morning, and certainly recognise now the horrible need for a drink to blank out the full-on day of push drive and trying to be the best I could (I’m thinking specifically uni days here but actually it naturally rolled on into my career). Now I know confidence to come from an inner connection, and it’s not an age related thing either that we become more confident the more experience we have – as I know some very wise and confident young children and teenagers who blow me away with their assured knowing born of that connection.
Yes I think the confidence comes from how much we are connected to ourselves and listen to what is true to us. Confident young people are beautiful to watch.
Yes alcohol has us in its grip, the consciousness that says that it’s ok to drink alcohol. Maybe if and when we start loving connecting with people then we will very easily say no to alcohol.
When you haven’t drunk for a little while it can get to a point that there is nothing that you feel like your giving up when you feel so much better. When your in the full swing of it the thought of giving it up seems way to hard to do. Interesting really how they are polo opposite.
That shows how stong of a drug alcohol is. It makes people say things that are not even true, as in the ‘ok in moderation’ thing.
Matts I had a conversation with a doctor years ago and they said that drinking alcohol in moderation was acceptable. What does that actually mean? Even one glass of wine a day means that our Kidneys will have extra work to break down the poison, so that means they will be under a daily stress and studies clearly show there is no safe limits to drinking alcohol. We are fooling ourselves when we say drinking in moderation is okay.
“For me it seems very strange to put something into our bodies that makes us ill, flat and tired the next day – it doesn’t make any sense, so giving up alcohol for me was a no brainer.” I so agree Matts. I drank very little and a second glass of wine would make me feel strange. Alcohol is a poison – so why do we think it does us ‘good’?
I don’t know, maybe it takes away the tension we feel being humans but it’s sure as …. not the answer. Living life will include us feeling some sort of tension or perhaps some anxiety or angst but that’s inevitable. Saying yes to truly living life in my experience eases this tension because we are flowing with life instead of resisting it. I have a long way to go here but this is at least my experience.
When we truly listen to our body, we would be able to feel how toxic alcohol is, our body never lies. But if we listen to our thoughts it is easy to discard what our body is telling us.
Which makes it interesting as to where our thoughts come from and if they are actually ours… or do we think they are ours because it’s in us they pop up? But if our thoughts are not loving are they actually ours then?
Great question Matts, where do our thoughts come from, and are they really our thoughts?
Once you get over the taste of alcohol and not having it for a while and if you go back to it you really get to taste how hideous it really is and how harsh it is on the body. Each sip the body is having to work overtime to process it and we wonder why we are exhausted. Sometimes we don’t even want to admit this so we keep picking ourselves up with other drugs like coffee to see us through the day. Our bodies sure do get a seeing to don’t they when we are this dismissive with them.
Yes the body is never not honest, that’s the beauty if it.
We think that alcohol gives us confidence but if we honestly watched ourselves and our movements when under the influence of alcohol, we would know this confidence is from an external false source and not from the true confidence that emanates from within.
Yes true confidence is to just be yourself and enjoying it.
My life completely changed when I began to listen to and honour the messages from my body, realising that my body never lies, instead offering wisdom that far surpasses the chatter of the mind. I can’t help but wonder how our world would be if we all began to live guided by the truth we feel from our bodies.
Gosh you had heaps more awareness then I had, when I was drinking I never felt my body at all. only when I was about to pass out. And then it was all over and I would wake up and start again. Not very intelligent for an extremely intelligent young woman.
We can so easily not want to be honest about what something is doing to us because we like what it brings us on another level. I was like that with alcohol, it was my fix pretty much most days having that time with friends and not having to feel anything that was really going on. When I started my journey back to my Soul with the support of Universal Medicine it was a major confirmation that I knew alcohol was not great for me. How it altered my state of being and then end up wrapped around a toilet throwing up because my body didn’t want it in its system. So over a few years of testing it out I stopped drinking alcohol and to this day I know it is one of the best things I have ever done.
Drinking is often seen as harmless yet this is far from the truth, we need drink when we are not ourselves because in truth we are missing ourselves and want to avoid the emptiness that is there when we are not connected to that divine quality we do all hold inside.
And I feel that is also why we “have to” drink when we are in social settings such as dinner parties. We get to have a chance to actually connect with others but we find that too confronting so we use this drug, which is what it is, and we miss the opportunity.
That there is something so prevalent in society that erodes our fundamental connection to ourselves is an extraordinary reflection on where humanity is now.
Alcohol sure is one big killer of loveliness in our lives. But we seem to invent things all of the time to distract ourselves away from…what? If we would take away all the things we have such as technical gadgets and whatever we use then we would be left with… Us I guess and that freaks us out, being with ourselves. I know because I sometimes feel the same when things get more quiet and I have the chance to feel more of myself. I can get restless and want to do things. But it is worth stopping and feel for sure because when we do we get a taste of what we have been looking and searching for for millennia, which is the real us.
It’s very sad that something so harmful to the body as alcohol is, don’t be socially questioned, specially when its consume is increasing dramatically in the young ages. What are we allowing and offering to our children with this? We need as a society take responsibility to reflect about alcohol consumption effects and why do we generally choose this way to relate and ‘celebrate’.
The first time I drank alcohol it became obvious that I didn’t like the taste and I didn’t like how my body felt the next day. For the next 18 years or so this became my normal and then it got to a point where I decided that actually is it really worth it. Inspired by the courses I had attended with Universal Medicine and connecting to a stillness within these actions started to become even louder. I started to realise I was not giving up anything but stopping a habit that was very unloving to my body and being.
I agree – it’s crazy that no one questions it when you start drinking essentially a poison, but when you stop you get questioned. It makes absolutely no sense, it’s like if someone started drinking washing up liquid which has chemicals that would poison the body – you would say something, but because the poison of alcohol has become socially accepted and it comes tasting nice…. it’s ok?
I wonder what would happen if all of a sudden the drink started tasting like washing up liquid… I guess for the body that is already old news so there seems to be a part in us that is willing to convert that message into it tasting not too bad. I guess also that when we start to truly listen to our bodies and look after ourselves that our tastebuds will be more aligned with our love for ourselves and the alcohol will be slowly phased out of our lives.
I love your point at the end that you just wanted to enjoy being with people, I remember when I stopped drinking explaining to my friends that they wouldn’t have the best of me anymore if I drank and that I just wanted to enjoy being with them. I think it’s a great question, if we truly valued the time we spent with the people around us, would we chemically change and intoxicate ourselves during that time?
There are many things we would not eat, drink or partake in if we listened to the body’s communications before listening to the need to join in, be part of the crowd, keep the peace, make an impression, numb a feelings etc. etc.
Alcohol is a big one to say no to these days as it is such a socially accepted part of our social-lives. Well done Matts, it takes far more courage to say no than it does to fit in with the crowd.
When I first gave up alcohol people would try and temp me now hardly anyone ever does -why? – because I am very solid in claiming what I know to be true. Now when someone hears that I don’t drink they usually are inspired and admit they wish they also did not drink.
I’ve had that as well. Many of those that drink I know would prefer not to but the pressure from everyone else that does not want to quit becomes very strong then and they question why you don’t drink.
The picture accompanying this article says it all – a person drinking and their body posture; one hand firmly on the lower back and trying to squeeze and soothe that kidney which is sending a very clear message of depletion and emptiness.
Whilst reading your blog this morning Matts I was reminded of the myriad of things we do to fit in, to be liked, to be nice. The wisdom you have expressed in this blog supports us to be aware of when we adopt these harmful behaviours; harmful for us and everybody else.
Alcohol, makes you feel different…this for me is where lies the issue with it…if it makes us feel different, then what is happening to our mind, our body, who is steering the ship if we do not feel ourselves? This is why I do not drink, I have no wish to be owned, steered by anything else other than what I feel is true…we do not consider what we allow in when we consume mind and body altering substances. Everything is energy…so much to consider here.
Drinking makes us puffy! When I used to drink I looked swollen, I have noticed this trait on others too, when I gave up I remember feeling like I had been deflated and in a way I had as I had let go of the poison my body just did not know what to do with.
It is a very important point that I came to when I realised that the reason I no longer wanted to drink alcohol, besides how terrible it made my body feel afterwards, was because I do not want to impose on other people as this would seem so unloving and disrespectful.
Giving up alcohol was one of the best decisions I ever made. At 16 I went away to work in a bar in Greece where I must say I got drunk every single night. Most nights became a very unhealthy ritual where as we would drink and smoke cigerets all night then around 2am when we finished work would walk to other bars to drink some more, this used to end up with greasy chips around 4am and my friend puking roughly in the same spot each night, I was always proud that ‘I could take my drink’ when I look back now I see it as dire attempt to hide my dissatisfaction with life, I knew life was not how it should and this wayward expression was my way of coping.
I found it easy to give up alcohol, because I hadn’t drunk that much and didn’t like the taste or how it made me feel – but music that was a different addiction. The energy of music that enters our ears is also affecting us and if we were more discerning about what we heard we would see a difference. Music doesn’t stand out as a potential harm because it doesn’t have have the so called physical symptoms, but the effects on our emotions, thoughts and state of being is definitely enough evidence.
It is a great question to ask, why do we choose to drink alcohol? I think if we did a survey it would be interesting to see how many people choose to drink to fit in, because this is what everyone does and to numb our body.
Even though we know something is not good for us we still put our bodies through it. Why do we do this when in truth we know before we do it what the outcome will be? What if we said ‘No’ or ‘Yes’ to that very first impulse that is there waiting patiently within us?… it requires the absolute love for oneself.
it makes no sense whats so ever to put something in our bodies that is going to harm us and make us feel rank the next day. But then to date common sense of a human being has never been a strong point.
it really is confounding isn’t it… How the human race keeps on pouring poisons into its collective body, and wonders why the healthcare budgets of all the nations is careering out of control and off the rails.
I think that when the doctors of the world start to put the responsibility back to the people why they need medical attention in all its forms then things might start to a change.
We do use alcohol for a myriad of reasons in life, supposedly to socialise, to celebrate, but also to numb ourselves, to distract and really abuse ourselves and others. It is a drug and a poison, that we socially accept, this will take some time before hopefully one day it becomes socially unacceptable to drink, just like smoking has now become.
Drinking alcohol to feel better, more confident or to forget about an issue seems to be something a great many of us do and it’s considered to be normal, but how many can say that they feel better or more confident in the morning and that the issue has gone away?; in fact the chances are they will feel worse and the issue bigger than ever before. But no matter how horrible they feel the next drink is not usually too far away. Giving up alcohol was the best thing I have ever done as nothing is more amazing than being me.
Giving up alcohol has to be something that is felt, the moment you make it a rule or about discipline, you are gone. There isn’t any amount of will power that will make it sustainable. There is only an internal battle that can ensue. It has to be about wanting to build a loving relationship with yourself, very simple.
Giving up alchol really is no different to giving up anything. Until we know for ourselves that something is harming or hurting us we will continue. It doesn’t matter what anyone says, expert or otherwise. When we finally surrender to our body and how much it has been there counselling, advising and acting in our best interests, we will accept that the greatest teacher we will ever have is our very own body.
It is a great teacher isn’t it and a wonderful counsellor. AND it doesn’t even ask for a pay check. Talk about the ultimate friend we have right there beside us every day.
Experiences like this confirm the incredible wisdom of the body and what we can learn when we choose to listen to it.
The whole alcohol thing is so fake, I was a very heavy drinker and all the friends I made through drinking fell away as soon as I stopped drinking but I still have friends that I made before that who are still my friends and always will be and they don’t care if I drink or not.
Isn’t it funny that we have this discussion around alcohol. It’s just a liquid but it has something else attached to it, otherwise there wouldn’t be this upheaval when we start to question it’s place in our lives. Maybe the relevant question would be what is it about alcohol that makes us want it so much and why do we defend drinking when we know that it’s not good for us. I’m sure we know the answer to that but it’s good at times bringing it up again.
What is considered normal is so far from what supports the body it gives a clue to something else being at play, why would we treat ourselves with such poison if it were not to avoid something amazing, why else would we do it?
The thing is… We can be so numb that our bodies signals and messages about the consequences of ingesting such a poison are totally ignored,… For me even though I was in this state, all that talk was to have one extraordinary person say to me that there was a fast track to connecting with our soul, and that drinking was definitely not it. He didn’t say to stop, he just laid open the options for me, and there was such a feeling that it was actually easy to just then say okay.
I can remember drinking in my younger days, I drank because that was the thing to do, but I never liked alcohol and the effects on my body, it was easy to stop when I joined a church group where alcohol was not part of their way. I never liked my head being rearranged by the effects of alcohol.
Yes it is like being rewired in a way that is very toxic, perhaps Frankenstein-like.
“So instead of listening to my body, I drank to fit in” – i used to drink for this reason too Matts, for the social aspect and also bonding with another person, getting close to them, to develop relationships, friendships… though in the absence of alcohol through no longer choosing to drink, and instead the presence of self-love, the illusion I was under was exposed for the evil it truly is — because when we drink, we change and alter as a person and no longer can we be truly genuine, open or true as we might think, and so everything under intoxication is a lie … that eventually collapses, or is shown to be flakey.
I will always remember how I used to feel after drinking alcohol and it is now over 9years ago. I would be so sick and totally not able to function. Towards the end where I had really started to cut back I would still notice how far off I felt. It is one of the best loving choices I have made for myself to stop drinking alcohol.
Great on you Natalie, not for quitting alcohol but for loving yourself enough to not wanting to have alcohol.
I was reading an article recently and there was an audio clip that went with it, adults were remembering what it was like to live as a child with one or two parents that were alcoholics. What I noticed is that nobody actually asked the question I was dying to have answered,why were the parents drinking to excess everyday? What was going on in their lives that they felt they were unable to deal with and so checked out by numbing themselves with alcohol to the point where they were unable to put food on the table because they needed to buy booze instead. Until we start to go deeper in questioning the why’s to me nothing will change.
Why is it we continue to skirt around issues such as alcoholism without going deeper and discussing the real problems that are lurking behind drinking to excess or even drinking at all.
I remember back to all the times I sat in pubs pretending I liked beer. I never liked beer, or being in pubs for that matter, and looking back I find it crazy that I spent so long drinking something I didn’t like and that made me feel terrible.
How ‘lucky’ you were that your body was speaking so loudly to you Matts, and that you were still able to listen. For many of us , the level of self abuse and consequent numbness has/had become so embedded that our bodies have had to yell ever so loudly for us to hear.
I would guess that it’s time here for some moments of appreciation of how connected I must have been already to my soul for my body to give me these very loving and noticeable messages.
When we drink alcohol it is very difficult to see just how harmful it is. However, it is those who don’t drink alcohol who are able to reflect a different state of being that can be experienced. While this may not be recognised with the eyes it is always subconsciously being felt.
You have reminded me of my story with alcohol Matts. I would drink to be a part of the fun, to fit in…do not stand out under any circumstances! I hated the taste, my face would screw itself up in disgust, and I still didn’t fit in anyway. So there I was, still feeling like an awkward misfit, now completely “out of it”, with dulled down senses and lost to myself. This went on for years.
When I stopped the charade, it was the most wonderful feeling ever.
The next step for me was to embrace my quirkiness, the fact that I am an unusual person who does not fit convention. I cannot believe that I ever tried to abandon that part of myself and wash it away in alcohol.
The world needs us as who we are, in full, not a version obliterated by a substance.
In how many instances in our life we listen to others more than we listen to our own body and decide what we do based on that which we decided was worth listening?
Obviously, we expect to gain by listening to them, but are we really gaining? Is our gain a true one?
Alcohol is a medicine, unfortunately it is just not a medicine that will improve our health, but more a prescription we use to alleviate feelings we have. To get to the root cause of why we drink seems the most healthy choice we can make. Then it is not a case of having to give up drinking, but really just a choice we want to make. That was my experience, I grew awareness of what it was doing to me but also why I wanted it, and then I wanted it no more.
Your story reminded me of very severe lower back (right kidney) pains I used to get when driving home from where I used to spend weekends with a couple of friends, both heavy drinkers. I am not prone to back aches and the deep intense sensations never made sense, but now I understand – it was from being energetically drained by my own and their behaviour.
Ultimately our addiction to alcohol is not caused by the physical addiction that occurs in the body, but well before that is fed by our ultimate dissatisfaction with life and an inability to find resolution with the ongoing rest and tension that lies within every human being. As a race of beings, we are for the most part truly unsettled, and unable as a result to connect to the universal pulse that resides in all life.
Giving up alcohol can be one of the most challenging things one can do, that is if you try to it by discipline alone. If you do, it can be a tiresome and not very successful exercise. Success with giving up alcohol can really only come from building a love within that allows you to feel from the inside out that you no longer want to put poison in your body, no matter how ingrained it is on our society.
Alcohol is a powerful tool used in most social situations. Often seen as an extension of who we are or how we fit into a social setting. Being raised in a family that drank little to no alcohol I became aware at a very young age that alcohol was not for me having watched people change how they were with others after drinking. It is interesting to read in this blog the pressures that come with drinking alcohol can feel the same when you don’t. Over the years I have been ridiculed, bullied and made fun of when choosing not to drink yet continued trusting that my open and cheeky humour was a naturally way I connected to others was enough.
I know many people that have tried to quiet alcohol or have a break but for me when I stopped the thought that I was giving something up or I was missing out didn’t come into the equation. I got to point where I basically got put of from the consumption, mine and others actions and letting it be the one thing that you worked your life around. I could see it so strongly in myself but also clients as I work in hospitality. To stop a destructive drug which I would have debated till I was black and blue was harmless I came to see how it changed my life. When you feel life with out it you start to realise how much it really does effect you.
As i have built greater awareness and connection to myself: my sense of appreciation and confidence has completely changed and its clear to me now that self worth is not based on external verification or acceptance and that i no longer need props such as cigarettes and alcohol to prove myself.
It is really silly when you look at it that we need a substance like alcohol to feel like ourselves and have fun. Is it not wiser to look at why we can’t have fun and joy in every part of our lives without a stimulation and alteration of our awareness?
The energy that requires us to drink alcohol to ‘fit in’ is very strong and imposing. Can you imagine being a labourer who doesn’t have a few drinks at the end of the week with the boys or not drink after a competitive game to celebrate or commiserate? This energy doesn’t just let you decide what you would like to do. Instead there is pressure to conform, to enjoin with others. It’s ironic that of someone made us belong to a religion, we would argue and complain, but belonging to the alcohol religion we meekly accept and conform despite the objections from our body.
I love the point that drinking alcohol is considered a ‘social thing’ when it is actually the opposite. When I used to drink it would change who I was, how aware and considerate I was of others and supported me to make some of the most regrettable choices in my life. The crazy thing is that you only realise all this when you give it up. This allows you to see through the fog that the acceptance/promotion of drinking alcohol in society creates.
Yes it makes you wonder why we need alcohol in the first place to be social or able to normally communicate with others. Could it be that our normal as a society, like being tough and confident, is for many not normal but to be able to get to this required skills to be accepted and fit in we need alcohol? As you say Fiona, only taking a step back and observing the whole thing makes you aware of the silliness of it.
What I have noticed is how I used to love the social side of drinking and that it meant I was going to have a ‘fun’ night out with my friends. When I made that choice to stop drinking I still went out and socialised and what I noticed was the different quality of connection that we had was completely different.
We ignore our bodies like it’s what we’re supposed to do. It’s so insane how much we spend our lives seeking information to grow our brains from books and other sources of intelligence but completely ignore the one thing that has all the wisdom in the world. What an absolute mess we’re in to have stepped so far away from what is true.
I found drinking relatively easy to give up it was the cigarettes that were difficult for me to stop and this was even though I felt like a knife was being inserted into my lung when I would inhale the smoke. It was also then more difficult to eliminate the reasons why I had smoked in the first place I feel even more so than the actual physical giving up of smoking because I had buried my emptiness so deep it was not until I discovered Serge Benhayon I got to undo my patterns that caused me to smoke.
Learning to undo my emptiness has definitely taken some soul searching so that I feel that this way of looking at addictions should be studied and then programs set in place so all humanity can benefit.
For more on emptiness go to;
http://www.unimedliving.com/search?keyword=EMPTINESS
I love what you share here Matts and what is interesting to read is that most people have been drinkers and then over time realised that the body didn’t enjoy it. For me when I stopped you would constantly have your peers trying to get you to have a drink. Staying strong and knowing that it was important for me not to continue this habit was so empowering.
I remember the taste of alcohol and cigarettes in my mouth the morning after a night out and just feeling like I wanted to hit the reset button on my body, yet I carried out the same actions over again until I really learnt that that road only got worse.
Giving up alcohol hasn’t meant i don’t enjoy socialising anymore. I really do enjoy it far more now feeling in control and not needing alcohol to make it so.
Removing alcohol from one’s life seems like such an arduous task at first – but I found once you do it it is actually not even that big a deal.
I recall taking up drinking to fit in and now that I have given up drinking, I don’t fit in! Despite this I have no regrets and if anything wished I had given up much earlier. My body has become so sensitive that even sugar in certain fruits was giving me a hangover type feeling!
I was recently asked how I enjoyed life with me giving up alcohol. It’s beyond me how alcohol and enjoyment of life is connected. If anything alcohol gives this false un-sustainable enjoyment and the following day you’re left with the repercussions and nursing a sore body part – no joy in that at all.
Given the harm that alcohol results in and the costs of alcohol abuse, it’s interesting that we continue to consume it and essentially ignore the warnings and even defend it’s usage.
Yes, the mass acceptance of alcohol is really signalling a deeper ill in our community – where we seek the numbing effects and false energy to shore us up in a world that we really don’t know how to be in. What if we were to get to understand and heal what is ill within ourselves and start to live the truth of who we are first – then the allure of alcohol and its illusion would be stripped bare allowing the harm and damage it causes to be clearly seen.
The drinking to fit into society is such a harmful pressure and given the abuse to others and ourselves from this it is so responsible to stop and not add to the industry any more. The responsibility of not drinking is an amazing choice and feels great and so much more loving for both ourselves and the world at large and overrides all the need and pressures out there.
So true Matts – how did we get to be a society that never questions why you drink alcohol, even binge drinking on a saturday night… but questions why you don’t. Some parents even pressure their kids into drinking with the line that they want their child to fit in/ to not be the odd ones out, but this exposes much more about where the parents are at – with their relationship to alcohol, to people, to themselves and the world.
Interesting isn’t it that alcohol is considered to be a ‘social’ thing to do and even an essential ingredient in any social gathering. So why do we need it so much to be social? What are we afraid of that would be there without a mind and body altering substance? Are we actually pretending to be social but really not being open to the depth of connection that is very possible when we are with other people in our natural state without anything to hide ourselves behind?
The impact of alcohol on society is regularly reported. It is a factor in road deaths, domestic violence, insufficient money for food, and even increases illness and disease. So why do we as a society allow alcohol?
When I started drinking at around 14 yrs, I just thought that’s what everyone did because everyone seemed to do it. Certainly all the adults around me – family and family friends all drank. When I met people in my adult years who didn’t drink, I thought they were boring….how arrogant of me! Now I don’t drink and maybe people think I’m boring but i feel far, far from boring.
It took me years to stop drinking alcohol completely and one thing I don’t miss is the morning after, although I was one of those people that could function just fine and override the way I was feeling, but the question is why did I want to? Why would I want to put something in my body that was so obviously not right.
Giving up alcohol is in many ways futile if one does not address what the lure was in the first place. For then one is likely to substitute with something else that whilst may be healthier for the body, in itself serves to provide the same need for the relief that alcohol brought about in the first place. And so, playing a game of substitutions is a good short term management tool for helping one get out of a destructive pattern of addiction, or habit. However, it is not a strategy in itself that will ever address the root cause of the problem.
This afternoon I was in a small shop and this guy who had been drinking started to talk to me. After his first sentence I asked him if he had been drinking and he lifted up a 6 pack of take-home beer as his way of saying yes. He also said something to me that could have been perceived as a compliment. I couldn’t help but share with him that I didn’t think he would say that if he hadn’t have been drinking. It was a short, open, honest conversation and I walked away with the appreciation of having just met this man, knowing that I would have loved someone to be so honest with me when I used to drink. It only takes one person to initiate an open and real conversation and in doing so this can be a life-changing experience for everyone involved.
It’s been a long time since I gave up alcohol, yet I can still recall a time in my life when I thought I could ‘never’ give it up. I truly remember sitting in Amsterdam, sitting on a square, drink in hand, watching the world go by, being on holidays and just loving the taste of the alcohol and thinking ‘I just can’t imagine not drinking’!! Yet here I am living a fulfilling and loving life, that is not filled with alcohol.
Having stopped drinking alcohol some years ago I feel much better for it. This combined with stopping many other unhealthy addictions too has been life changing but there are still things I do which come from the same place that I did these things – it is the cause which we must heal and not just the symptoms.
Our bodies don’t lie, but we do attempt to ignore them. I recently said this week, I haven’t drunk for years and I feel amazing, this is absolutely true. Alcohol hindered my well-being, even what we call social drinking impacts on our bodies. It feels like a wonderful choice to stop and I will not return to it.
I used to know people who shared that they only drink alcohol to socialise and they don’t actually like the taste or the after effects. After reading your blog Matts, it makes me wonder how many people feel the same as you when it comes to consuming alcohol. Could it be that a majority of people actually dislike alcohol but chooses to drink to socialise and fit in?
“So instead of listening to my body, I drank to fit in.” I can put my hand up as having done this and I am sure a great percentage of drinkers would do the same. Now with the understanding of how alcohol affects the body I no longer drink and the fact that I used to at all staggers me as my body was endlessly letting me know very clearly that it didn’t want such a poison in it; it took me a long time to listen but I am glad that I finally did.
“Now when I go out to restaurants or clubs, which is a bit more seldom than before, I have a glass of water and enjoy the food and the people.” – Me too Matts, and it feels awesome doesn’t it? I have not drank any alcohol since early 2003 and am not missing it at all, the desire for it totally vanished after a particular healing process, in fact the smell became so sour – it has never even been a thought to drink alcohol again.
The reality of alcohol and why we drink shared here is a revelation and something that true responsibility for how we are living makes sense for us all. Peoples lives change dramatically from giving up alcohol and the awareness of this is great to publish and put out there and a real reflection for others to bring quality and true caring into their lives.
Having felt the two different qualities, being aware of my body and the choices I make can effect how I will feel in the long run.
When I drank I didn’t think twice about the effect this was having on me energetically let alone the effect this was having on others. While I didn’t think about this the effects in my body such as being sick, feeling awful and not being fully with it couldn’t have been louder messages that alcohol and I were not working. How quick are we to ignore the loudest and clearest messages when they are sent. This is one incredible feat, but certainly not one to be proud of as ultimately it is our own undoing.
Going through that process of stopping alcohol is very interesting and one I believe is very personal even though it maybe similar to others. It’s like anything you can be told that something is not good for you and to stop it but until you really feel it for yourself and you know that it really is not good for you from how you feel then it is a lot simpler and has longevity when you do stop it.
At an event recently, I noticed how in a room of 50+ people, I was the only non-drinker. I just observed and what I saw and felt, was a group of people who meet weekly, taking the edge of their lives. I saw the relief on their faces after the first few sips or glass and I saw what looked almost like a mask over their faces, voices became louder, and things that weren’t really very funny seemed humorous to them.
So true Richard. When someone ‘give something up’, it feels like they are missing out. I stopped smoking when I was 26…and I remember saying to myself ‘I’m stopping smoking’ because I could feel what it was doing to my body and was adamant that I wasn’t giving it up – it was a step towards listening and loving myself more.
This sharing reminds me Matts how so much in life, is not a case of instant download = you get it. The resistance in us is such that we often need to be shown things a few times. So the essential thing is not to get down or grumpy about a discretion or the disregarding things that we do, but just to see it as the latest installment in the beautiful education of you.
What always amazes me is that when I look back at my live, at how I though I used to love alcohol and how challenging it was to give it up – today I would never touch it again. Not because I have a great discipline but because I treasure the feeling and clarity I have in my body and with that I don’t need something to give me the “false confidence” I used to demand.
Like any substance, grow the awareness of how it makes you feel, implement a self agreement to care for ourselves, and watch that behaviour melt away. Many people want to give up alcohol, many don’t and each needs to be respected. For me there would have been a time in my life where I would never have considered it, but as the feelings of how sick it made me and how much I was poisoning myself grew, alcohol because one of the easiest things I stopped having. Just like that, 5 years ago, never looked back.
Matts – thank you for sharing. You speak about registering how you felt after drinking – and I can say this is the one thing that allowed me
To know that alcohol was not supportive. I used to use drink to not feel – but when I asked myself what I was actually wanting to avoid it became very clear to me. I can’t apply the same to sugar. These days I’ll have sugar to feel good but actually when I say no to sugar because I can feel I don’t need it – the feeling that follows is so much more than how I would have felt if I had the sugar.
I had a similar experience of feeling a knife in my body but I didn’t drink alcohol but was approached by someone who did. This made me physically realize what it means that our body is divine, and that our particles do not want anything that is not divine in it. I did not speak up at that moment to this person who drank alcohol although I knew I would be affected, and this is another opportunity to learn to be more love.
Interesting Adele. It also shows that if we choose to not speak up when needed we get affected.
What is most astounding is what a big deal it is to give up something that is essentially a poison to the body, and a mind-altering drug. You would expect that to eliminate something like that from your life for good would elicit all sorts of good wishes, support, even envy and query over how you managed it. That would make sense to me. Interesting that what is usually elicited from such a self-loving choice is quite the opposite!
It is interesting to observe people when they start drinking. It doesn’t take long before I notice a change in them. The effect of the alcohol makes people speak and act differently, their mannerisms change and they say things they wouldn’t say without the alcohol. As an ex-drinker, I know that this was the case with me as I felt different after even a few sips of alcohol.
I think everyone that stops drinking alcohol never regrets it. When I look back on how much I used to abuse it, it makes me shudder. I mean I would go and see my favourite musician play and not remember it the next day. The clarity of life without alcohol is amazing. I remember going to a concert quite sometime after stopping drinking and getting that same stabbing feeling in my kidneys afterwards as if I had been drinking, which proves to me there is such a thing as passive drinking if we are unaware.
They say the truth comes out under the influence of alcohol, well yes, i guess it does in the sense of the great untruth [of being altered chemically] getting exposed by the out of character behaviour that so often ensues in contrast to states of sobriety. Mind you, even in sobriety/when sober — are we being true, and if not, is this why we have alcohol to hide this fact of not living this [true and naturally full] way. This is certainly why i used to drink alcohol…to escape situations, feelings, aspects of life/work, seemingly to take the edge of things, when in truth the edges only became rawer, and harsher… until the day i choose to stop hiding from myself, to choose the love i am, no longer consuming something that took me away from me.
When we give up or let go of a substance or behaviour that keeps us away from our truth then we are saying yes to having more love in our lives.
Matts one of the greatest lies I would tell myself is that when I drank, the “real” me came out. It was a substance I would rely on, one that meant I thought I was invincible and that the real me was out to play. On the surface the external confidence and sophistication showed itself yet the insecurity lurked deep within. Fast forward and when I look back I actually see I was far closer to being the true me when I was not “under the influence” than when I was. How back to front we can create our life to be..
Once I started to become honest about what it is that I was numbing myself with, a poison and that I was not going to accept it as a sociable drink but a tool to avoid the deep hurts and pains that I had been walking around with did it become clearer that I didn’t want to continue my life in such a way.
I started drinking alcohol at a young age at home as we were alowed to have a small taster with our meals on special occasions. This meant by the time I was a teenager I was desensitised to the taste and liked it. However I did not like how I felt during the time of drinking or the next day. And yet I continued, this shows how there must be something else at play. After the first Sacred Esoteric Healing session I had, wine tasted dusgusting and I never drank it again. A few weeks later I poured a glass of gin and tonic but then I immediately saw why I was wanting to be drinking it and threw it and the whole bottle down the sink and never drank any alcohol again. Now over 10 years later there is nothing about alcohol I find attractive at all. My body knew all along it does not suit us and I am glad I now listen.
So true Mary – if I would have been the boss I would have told the lady to go home and recover and I would deduct that day of her salary.
“So instead of listening to my body, I drank to fit in.” This is where it all begins because when you look into the eyes of a baby the last thing you can imagine is it choosing to drink alcohol, as there is so much joy, openness and divinity in their expression, just by being themselves. Something happens to us growing up, we feel empty and we then need to fill the empty void. If everyone else is doing it and we can be accepted by them when we drink, we somehow think that helps us to feel a false sense of belonging to a group. We also use it to mask our vulnerability. Heaven forbid we let people really see us truly. We feel like that would be devastating. Unfortunately for us, the choice to check-out on alcohol is exactly that-devastating.
Alcohol is one of those obvious ones that lots of people will readily admit they do to ‘fit in’. What most people choose to remain ignorant to is the fact that there are many other seemingly mundane choices that are also for that reason. And these are the real evils of life. The old saying “Better the devil you know” springs to mind.
I just re read my story here and I must add that I love cooking. There are so many things we could enjoy so much more if we skip the alcohol. We love to do things but we mistakenly think we need to add the alcohol to spice it up even more. Wrong! You dull it down. It’s like adding a bit of mould to the food or whatever we might be doing and think that it’s going to be better.
Since we are not ourselves when we drink then who is connecting with who?
We all know that we change when we drink. Most of us are at least that honest. Then the question is who are we when we drink? What personality has entered our body? If it’s not us then who is it? We think that it’s us just because it takes place in our bodies but we know that something else is with us. Possession is not something new and most might be a bit reluctant talking about these things but if you look at it it seems to be a great way to explain it. But then the question comes what is it that has entered us or what is it that affects me? Most of us are a little open I think that there are beings around us that are not in physical form. Wouldn’t it be possible for them to affect us? If most of us believe that there are things we cannot see that are all around us such as spirits or entities or perhaps ghosts, why wouldn’t they be able to affect us? And could it be that when we drink we are giving them room to affect us even more? Scary some might say but not very unlikely if you look at how people behave around and with alcohol and especially the energy that people go into when drinking and the energy you feel in pubs and where alcohol is served.
I used to think that I needed a drink as it gave me more confidence. What I realise now is that it simply disonnected me even more from who I am and that I was allowing something else to control me. What I was actually doing was laying myself open to abuse in its many different guises, as I became more and more disconnected from my body.
Scary stuff that is.
So much of what I used to call normal evolved around drinking and when I look back at best it gave me a headache.
People feel they connect more when they have been drinking, but they are far from the truth as you are more disconnected and numb when you drink. Drinking is a complete disconnection from your body.
We think connection is enhanced when we lubricate ourselves with alcohol and yet how can it be true connection when we are not ourselves and used a substance to alter our consciousness.
I hope and trust that science will prove this soon enough. That alcohol causes a dissociation with yourself. But that might require them to not be drinkers otherwise it might seem like they’re shooting themselves in the foot so to speak. Actually it just takes a heartful scientist to do it. Discover the harm that is.
Fact is that we are ‘externally controlled’ when we drink alcohol, we are simply not ourselves anymore and this applies to any amount that we take in, slowly with every sip we allow something else to take over. And we know it. We can feel the relaxation of its effect but it is in truth not relaxing but a numbing away of what is going on and particularly going on with ourselves.
True and this is a science that will one day be presented to us.
Matts I do enjoy reading your blog and connecting with what incredible changes you and so many others have made, what I love most is that its not about a big burdon to stop alcohol etc. but that through the natural choices of being more loving and caring the need to drink was not there. I feel deeply blessed by having done the same in my life as how I live today is so very different to the dysfunctional wreck that appeared to have it all together in the past.
Thanks MA, and I would say that being sober is approximately around one trillion times more rewarding than being intoxicated, so what to choose was a no brainer for me.
I too used alcohol as a way to fit in and be a part of a group, even though I too was not all that interested in drinking. And it didn’t take much for me to get tipsy, half a glass and I would start to feel light headed. Confidence was also part of my reason for drinking and not wanting to be seen as different or out of the group. When I remember what I and others were like when we did drink, there was definitely not true interactions going on, just talking lots of rubbish and trying to look cool.
Too true Julie, but if you ask the person drinking they can say they are totally with it. People need people that can be firm with what they believe in, such as not drinking. It’s easy to fall for group pressure but it’s not an excuse really. If you don’t feel like drinking with friends then it’s great to say that and it feels so good standing up for what is true and you get rewarded a trillion times.
Giving up alcohol or giving up anything that harms the body becomes really easy, as soon as we make the decision to do so and being really honest about the immediate effects it has on us and the long lasting effects – kidney damage.
“For me it seems very strange to put something into our bodies that makes us ill, flat and tired the next day – it doesn’t make any sense, so giving up alcohol for me was a no brainer.” – Would it not be wise to apply this to all things in life that make us feel unwell – foods that do not agree with us, activities that do not support us etc etc…
Most definitely, I sign up for food… Another one is holding back our natural way to be with people. I find that one being more and more in my face. If I hold back I feel uncomfortable and very unnatural.
A beautiful sharing on the alcohol question and the reasons why we drink and how our body is communicating to us all the time. I have found it the most lovely thing to start listening to my body and honouring it more and more and what an amazing body it is and the support and love communication with it offers us.
Alcohol used to (and still is) being sold as one of the major if not the only social activity one can do with friends, work colleges or a potential or current partner. As if being sober is boring and yet the most enjoyable and light-hearted connections I have had have been over a cup of tea with my boyfriend or a morning walk in the park with a dear friend. That excitement and stimulation and the picture of ‘party times’ feels very over the top, trying to over compensate for what it’s harms when simply connecting to one another can bring so much joy to our relationships and social life that doesn’t result in a hang over the next day!
I think that is the crux, we are wary to be sober with friends because there is the potential to be more with them. They can see deeper aspects of us and we find that scary.
Thank you Matts, for showing us that alcohol has a big effect not only on our physical body and health, but overal being (energetic state). Thank you for making it al so clear for us.
I so agree with you, Matts, how alcohol consumption seems to put a superficiality and fakeness to people, – and how that leaves a true, loving connection out. I love connecting to people without substance abuse – so we can be real together.
Totally agree with you Nathalie.
Matts i grew up around a generation that believed alcohol and fun were synonymous.
Letting go of alcohol was easy from the physical point of view as i had never enjoyed how it tasted, however being comfortable with not drinking socially I found more of a struggle and thats understandable. For if you have used this as you confidence crutch for so long then it can feel like your being left naked.
Universal medicine has helped me see that true grounded confidence comes from my relationship with myself first and foremost and for this i am entirely responsible. Re-binded to myself though my choices and way of life requires no props only the outward expression of the inward love that i live – true natural confidence.
I shared this feeling of being left naked when socialising around my friends who were drinking but I came to realise just how much of our culture revolves around the alcohol and not the socialising and connecting with people.
Giving up alcohol has allowed me to deepen my relationship with myself and appreciate what an amazingly gorgeous woman I am. Something I treasure enormously.
Matts I would say that the period of giving up alcohol for me was deeply symbolic it was a time when I went from needing to be liked, to please others and to be seen for something to letting go of that and starting to value and deepen the level of care for myself, it was not the dropping alcohol that I appreciated most but my choice and care in willing to love myself for me.
I agree, it’s not about quitting things really. All the bad stuff will fall away as we get more loving with ourselves.
Alcohol is the end result of a way of living that doesn’t honour the natural joy and harmony available to us all.
“Now when I go out to restaurants or clubs, I have a glass of water and enjoy the food and the people” – Very interesting point Matts. If and when we drink, do we really get to enjoy the company of others, or do we get distracted and taken over by the alcohol, music, drugs etc. that it becomes a distracting, disregarding get together rather than a night out to connect?
Yes – Let the connecting-with-people-for-real be the new “in” thing. Which it has always been but we might have forgotten about it.
There is no doubt, for me, that we do not connect with each other in the same way when alcohol is involved. We ‘think’ we’re having more fun, being more social, but in truth, alcohol takes us away from who we truly are. People say and do things they would not normally do and say, some even become violent. We loose the connection with ourselves first and allow the energy around us to influence how we are and how we behave.
To abuse our bodies is a choice and one that reflects that we are also choosing not to feel and appreciate the amazing and sacred vehicles of expression that they are.
Of course, we need to care for our bodies as we would with our other vehicles we use in our lives, otherwise they will eventually break down, we all know that. We just need to be reminded that our bodies are equally important as our car, if not a thousand times more. The difference is that our bodies have an innermost essence that can fuel itself if we care for it and ourselves, the car doesn’t really have that, sorry car, but it can support us supporting ourselves.
Although I have never drank alcohol, something a friend shared with me in a conversation was what if we didn’t need to take the edge of life? What if we lived a life so full and vital that at the end of the day there was no need for reward or relief – not just from acohol but anything we can use to pick us up
So true Gill, everything about my life has improved through me giving up all forms of drugs and their replacements that were mainly the sugary substitutes and carbohydrates that turned into sugar.
Drugs and alcohol were so simple for me to give up as I started to feel the imposition they were having on my body. It has been more difficult to get to the replacements, as I can at times still feel the same imposition on my body as the drugs were having. As I feel deeper into what is the root cause of me wanting to check out with a variety of substances I can feel that I need to have a greater responsibility and awareness about when and why I started to feel being rejected in such a way that I felt to do drugs or the replacement drugs. Feeling rejection so that I can evolve past the numbing effects of the replacement for drugs is changing everything I do and how I am when I do them.
Life for me is a million times more enjoyable and real since I stopped drinking alcohol, there is always a falseness surrounding it. I must have lost count of the time I professed my love for people whilst under the influence only to cringe about it the next day. Now when I tell someone I love them I truly do.
Yes what are we actually saying when we are under the influence of alcohol? Who is saying all those things we say when we the next day can say why did I say that, or why did I do that? I know the answer, and we all do, but I think it will take a while to admit that we are not really ourselves when we do all those things we so regret having done and said the day after, it’s way more rewarding to be our true selves.
Agree Gill and the responsibility factor is important here as well. You might say that you feel “fine” or “good” when you’ve had a drink but that “fine” and “good” is you not wanting to feel the tension pretty much all of us feel in life. When I say you I don’t mean you Gill but in general.
“For me it seems very strange to put something into our bodies that makes us ill, flat and tired the next day…” I agree it is strange that we do this. But on considering further it may not just be alcohol; it could be over eating, staying up later when our body is crying out to go to sleep, or even indulging in over emotion. There is much we do and live that is draining, makes us feel flat and tired the next day. But is it possible that underlying all of theses choices is our deepest desire to seek relief from the intensity of what we are feeling and not knowing what do to with these feelings?
3rd times the charm, as this blog so greatly puts it.
However, the question is why does it take more than once for us to kick a habit that clearly doesn’t support?
This is where our relationships with behaviour need to change as not the make it or break it but rather the compensatory mechanism used to bury another non-physical event.
I think awareness is the key here Luke. There are many things that are affecting us yet we have no clue that they do because we are not aware of it. One example I could give that I recently have discovered is how I can use exercise to keep myself hard. Now hard is relative here, I’m not the typical hard and blokey kind of guy but I’ve realised that I can go into robot mode with the having to exercise rather than listening if this is what my body is up for right now or if it’s more up for having some self time with my how water bottle on my couch.
This article is bringing common sense to the madness of how expected it is that we drink alcohol; that it is a social right we earn at an arbitrary age. Not only do our bodies clearly show us that it is really bad for us but science is catching up and loathe though we are to admit it – the writing is on the wall, and we have to accept that we simply do not want to see it, hear it or feel it, so comfy are we with our dependence on alcohol.
In Sweden alcohol consumption is estimated to cost around 50-60 Billion SEK. That figure is probably a lot higher but the real damage is the loss of life quality. We sometimes think that we get some kind of “life quality” when we have that sip of our “favourite” wine or beer but we forget that we are actually taking the edge of life when we do that.
It is interesting how we can lie to ourselves by justifying our behaviours even though we know they are abusive to our body. Drinking to be social is very common, but it is none other than an excuse to justify that it is good to drink but how can anything be good for us at the expense of our body? Drinking to be social has not been my thing but it does make me ponder on behaviours that I can justify but really are abusing my body.
Well if the want to not feel how amazing we are then we can use a lot of things. Heroin and all sorts of drugs including alcohol works very well. I feel that the bigger problem is not the drugs in itself but why do we not want to shine? Our bodies are what we have to be who we are and trash the body and the light within will stay there until we are ready to let it out.
I was a committed drinker, ‘social’, weekend, home parties…you name the excuse I would find it and yet I gave up with ease…little did I know that it would be the ‘social’ pressure I perceived that would have a grasp on me much longer than the actual alcohol…the pressure to drink is huge in society, I definitely do not get invited out as much since I stopped drinking…I am still me, in fact I am a fancy shiny version of my self, since I left the booze behind and even more fun than I was and yet….the discomfort people feel from my choice to drinking is strong that I am now perceived as strange (by some)….make a different choice and it send ripples out, this is what I am learning to stand with, it feels awesome.
Yeah but it’s ok to be considered strange we know that. People like people that are a bit different than the rest of the crowd.
What i noted about alcohol in not drinking it now for more than 10 years, is the effect it has on a body even when the person doesn’t drink the liquid — because, like passive smoking, there’s also passive drinking too, and, as i’ve experienced myself, it’s because our body digests the energy of drink (and can get just as affected) from those who are drinking it around us, or even in a bar/restaurant that stocks closed bottles of alcohol, there’s still an effect.
That’s the next step Zofia and I agree. The way I get affected is that I take on how others are so when they are drinking I sort of accommodate to their way and that’s one of the things I don’t like when hanging around people that choose to drink. Also something for me to learn, not to take stuff on. The other is that it’s not very easy to connect with someone that has been drinking. When you are under influence you might think that you are “straight” but for someone not drinking watching you it’s quite obvious that you are far away in some other dimension.
So true Zofia, I have had similar effect when eating in a pub, the energy I would take on felt the same as a hangover.
Our bodies really are giving us a very true and honest feedback and response to everything that we ingest and do… The thing is to open up ourselves again so that we can actually listen, learn, respond, and start to heal.
The hardest part I thought I would find difficult to give up alcohol was the time that I spent with my friends. This changed slightly as I would go hang out with them still but realised how much of it was not true relationships. I now see them in different settings and the quality that I have with them is without a doubt much more enriching.
For me it was never about giving up alcohol rather it was a choice to embrace life and love more fully and so anything which has stopped me feeling amazing in my body or altered my state of being gradually dropped off. So it was a yes to love rathet than a no to abuse. And when we start with love then we will not settle for anything less.
I never enjoyed the taste of alcohol and in particular beer. I remember discussing it with my mates and most of us didn’t enjoy the taste but after having the first couple it would be ‘better’. This was our cover for the sharp early taste, it would be over by the third and so you just needed to push through. I remember many nights struggling until I had had a few. It’s strange thinking back to those moments where a few of us were discussing not enjoying alcohol but thinking we were the ones that were at fault somehow and not questioning this drink any further. I would always hold the awareness around alcohol because it did a lot of things that I didn’t like, it made you feel weird, I never like the spinning feeling, it didn’t taste good at all, you didn’t feel great the next day, the cost and a lot of time you wouldn’t remember what you did, this all didn’t add up or make sense. Yet I kept going and was a heavy drinker for many years. Then the day came to give it away and I remember where I was clearly. It wasn’t that I hold onto this but it was years of feelings finally honoured and once I was free of the hold alcohol had I have never returned and to be honest it wasn’t that hard. Anytime I thought of drinking I just remembered how it felt and from there it was a no brainer.
I love your honesty in this blog Matts, and how you are not shy to expose how you were around women when under the influence of alcohol. We all know what that feels like even if we don’t talk about it, we most definitely feel it.
We hold each others back a lot when it comes to not exposing alcohol, even though it’s quite annoying when people are in your face when they are drunk. It’s like I tolerate you now because next time I might be the one annoying you. But really it’s a game we play because we are afraid of showing who we really are.
Matts I was having a conversation yesterday as its very “trendy” now to give up alcohol, its the new celebrity focus however at the same time there is an increase in cocaine and other forms of abuse. It shows the importance of not only giving something up but healing why we turned to that in the first place, by doing this we end up not needing to turn to other substances and then gradually refine how we live as we bring in a greater depth of love.
True, and that is crazy. We shouldn’t need anything but just be ourselves.
I know I used think just one isn’t going to hurt you but by the time I started to realise the impact of what alcohol actually has on my body and stopped ignoring the very clear signs I couldn’t deny the harm it was causing me. Which in turn effected how I was with everyone around me. Today its s the complete opposite and I absolutely love every moment of my life and feel no need to drink.
If you want to give up alcohol, my suggestion is don’t start with that. Start with question, why is life not enough as it is?Why do I need relief in such a way? Am I not enough? What tension am I seeking to avoid? That is a good place to start. And with that in mind, start to learn to love yourself, not by way of thought, but by way of action. Take time to take care of yourself in every little detail. Become gentle in movement at first, and begin to treat yourself delicately. Become aware of how harsh your movements are. In time, your awareness of just how unloving we truly are with ourselves will increase, and in time you will start to connect to moments – just moments – of exquisiteness. They will at first be fleeting, but if you take the time and care, they will be there. In time, by way of comparison, you will start to realise then just how incompatible certain things are with that way of being, how certain actions actually interfere with your capacity to connect to those moments – alcohol being one of them. The important thing being, that by way of such an approach, your relationship with alcohol will naturally change, perhaps to the point where you don’t need it anymore, and you will arrive at such a point not by way of discipline, or need to deny yourself something pleasurable, but because you no longer seek the relief it offers, for you have found something grander – and that is the pleasure of your own being.
What you are talking about here, Adam, is not using will power or ‘dry January’ or any kind of excuse, but making a choice of self love. I love what you’ve written here – a great guide for anyone who has a relationship with alcohol.
Agree Nick, and also it would be great to hear from other friends that it’s ok to not drink. I think a lot of both men and women are drinking because everyone else does even though they would actually appreciate a quiet night at home. Group pressure is a big one and I love when people love themselves enough to say no thanks I don’t drink. Now this person might be picked on but I know they have inspired everyone anyways by standing up for what they feel is their truth. If we would all do that then maybe we wouldn’t have alcohol at all.
An approach that totally turns on its head the thinking behind resolutions, giving things up and sticking to diets. If we start with our core relationship with ourselves, taking care, observing how we move and treat our bodies and building some gentleness, respect and care into this relationship then the things we do that do not support and nourish us will be easy to let go of since they will make less and less and less sense.
Great article Matts, thank you for sharing and listening to the wisdom of your body and choosing to give up drink when it spoke loud and clear.
I remember trying so hard to like wine, and quite often the first glass was the worst after that i could tell myself that I enjoyed it, but always no matter what I was drinking I would get to the point where I could not physically drink anymore, and every time I would suffer the most awful hangovers. My whole weekend would be wasted because I felt so ill – this is why by the time I reached my thirties alcohol became a once a year thing at Christmas. Now it’s a never again thing, and I haven’t regretted one minute of it.
I guess the more love you build in your body the less of what is not love will fit in there.
Not drinking is without a doubt the single best decision I have made for my health, both physical and mental, wellbeing every aspect of my life is enhanced by my being clear and open.
Amazing Matts that you have such awareness from such a young age, it took me a long time to connect the impact that drinking had on my body and longer to make the choice to listen to those messages. Even though I was not a heavy drinker, it was not until I stopped that I realised just how different (better) I felt
As a teenager I had to teach myself to like alcohol. My body wanted to reject it. Why do we not listen to these signs? It would save us years of abuse.
I find it fascinating how we so often say or people think it must be hard to give up vices we turn to such as alcohol when we know how damaging they are to the body. For me since being a student of the Way of The Livingness it has been more about saying yes to and embracing love and then naturally things which do not support my body drop away – so there has been no hardship in giving them up rather a joy.
The amount of pain and discomfort that I went through when I was drinking became something that I accepted was normal which I didn’t even realise how much it was affecting me. Not until I started to cut back did I start to realise how much just the small amount of alcohol really felt awful and didn’t want to feel like that anymore. Today +9 years on not drinking alcohol and I wouldn’t go back to it for anything in the world.
What I am leaning is to not judge people for drinking alcohol, they are going through their own evolution as well. What i feel we have to watch for is an arrogance that come in if we no longer drink, or each certain foods, or really judgement – for there is no love in that nor understanding.
I was a maintenance drinker where after years of weekend drinking it became part of my everyday wind down for the day, to counteract the daily consumption of coffee and nicotine to sleep and then repeat. I was smoking 50 a day when I quit one weekend being someplace I could not smoke and never started again, I just no longer needed it to fill the emptiness within me. Years later for a medical problem that had arisen, I was asked to stop drinking to see if that was the source of the problem, and once again I just quit. After six months of abstention, the original problem had not changed except I no longer drank. AA groups are about fighting the urge of addiction by putting the problem in a jar to look at how we have contained it, then celebrate how long we have kept the urge contained. Why carry around in a jar our addiction, whatever it is, when we address the root cause, there is no need to carry it around something that is no longer needed.
Stopping drinking is the single most loving thing I have ever done for myself and something I would recommend for all. A lot of people go dry for January, so why not try February as well and even March so you can get a real feel for how good you feel and then if that works carry on and never drink again, the benefits are immeasurable.
For me being social was overriding all my natural instincts to be active, creative and doing something worthwhile, alcohol slowed and dulled me down so that I would sit doing nothing, talking rubbish, fitting in. It was so against the grain for me but I learned to comply. Now having stopped drinking, I can’t imagine doing any of it now… my body is over the moon, and I don’t look to be dulled, quite the opposite as I so love life, people and myself, there is no place for it now
When you realise the consequences of alcohol in your body, you have a chance to make a true choice about whether to continue to drink. To support that choice its worth also looking at the reason you want to drink, is it to numb, to escape, or to just have a good time? In being honest about this question, many will realise that alcohol is not the solution, but a mere temporary stop gap that is actually making things worse.
Beautiful line Matts about choosing your love for people over and above the need to drink alcohol… very inspiring too because it brings to question what other areas in life do we collectively choose activities which negate our love for each other, in favour of what that activity will bring?
From generations to generations alcohol has grown and we see how non-productive it is for our society. Like all drugs we tend to gloss over the enormity of what they actually do legally or not. Ultimately drugs alter our state of being and in this space leaves us open for anything to happen. Imagine if we stopped this cycle and instead numbing ourselves with alcohol we started to feel and deal with what it is we are avoiding to feel.
How can it be that most parents chase after their youths and demand that they don’t drink alcohol, when the same parents don’t think twice about consuming it themselves. Clearly this shows that everyone knows that acohol is not good for us, so of course we don’t want that for our children – but then, why do WE drink it ourselves?
We spend a tremendous amount of energy either fitting in or fitting out (you re different). In the first one, we do pretty stupid things against ourselves. In the second one, we do pretty stupid things against ourselves. What if we stop fitting in or out as our priority and we switch it to be settled in our body?
Its interesting how beneath the choice to take up any unhealthy habit like drinking alcohol, smoking, over use of computer screen time, is often too mask the lack of confidence about ourselves. Deal with this first, and its the first domino to fall in making true choices for ourselves.
Drinking so often starts in youth where it gets used to deal with the discomfort of growing into an adult, the awkward teenage years, it is used as a social lubricant, it is also said to be fun, and yet their are so many parts about drinking that are not fun, the physical pain of the hangover, the mental anguish of the memory fog, the vomit, the queasiness, the rising ears from the too loud parties, the witness of aggression and violence, the littering of streets with takeaways, the selfishness of walking up the street talking too loudly and waking people up, the embarrassment with peers of acting up and doing regretful things. When I look back on drinking, it is remarkable to consider where the enjoyment actually fitted in to all this and how much override was needed to pretend i was having a good time. People who don’t drink often get a hard time, but they also get a lot of hidden admiration, for they have chosen to respect themselves and care on a deeper level for a body that really does not thank us for drinking a poisonous cancer causing substance.
I can relate to drinking alcohol to try to fit in with friends. I did exactly this when I was a teenager. I tried to drink alcohol to fit in with everyone else, especially my friends. But after about a dozen attempts my body was clearly showing me signs that it was not coping to the toxins/poison I was consuming. These messages were loud and clear, I then decided to no longer drink because I felt my body was more precious than trying to fit in. I remember clearly my body was saying ‘no’ to alcohol without a doubt, but my mind was doing the opposite. I had a thought ‘I can train my body to get used to the poison, build up the tolerance and just ignore the symptoms’. Huuummm interesting how my thoughts were conflicting with my body’s messages. This shows me how loving our bodies are yet our minds can lead us the opposite direction if we choose to not listen to our body.
Alcohol makes people do crazy stuff both up in the air and down on the ground, however when we are on an aeroplane we don’t want someone to go nuts. My prediction is that there will be horrible events coming from people drinking alcohol on board aeroplanes and it will be banned. Few people know that alcohol is quite a strong initiator for people getting into psychosis. If they knew that they would probably say that it’s totally fine to skip the drink on board a carrier that need to be safe for all passengers. If not they might have to see someone in a psychotic state and know what can happen. If someone is curious I can share. I’ve worked at psychiatric wards and can tell that the flight crew will not be able to handle someone in that state.
Bringing an awareness to what I am doing, how I am with my body and what I put in it I too have realised everything really does matter. Everything has an effect on how we feel and it either leaves you feeling alive and energised or drained and exhausted. It doesn’t even have to be what we eat or drink it can also be the type of energy we choose to go about in life has the same outcome also.
As I re-fine what I eat and drink I can now feel how it is not just alcohol that would give me a hangover. What I now feel is that its time for me to be more responsible for every thing I do because any indulgence has an affect on me.
I love how our bodies communicate with us and in truth socialise with us. Unfortunately sometimes it has to resort to dramatic scenarios of illness and disease to truly make us stop and see how we are living. Our bodies are truly intelligent and it just takes one choice to stop, listen and learn from what it shares.
Going out and enjoying the company with others and even a meal. Isn’t that enough. I certainly feel it is for me, and I’m so so glad I don’t feel the pressure to drink anymore.
By doing that we are being a rock for others that might not feel the strength to say no even if they want to.
Isn’t this the magic of true health – to be able to listen to the body and say ‘OK, this choice is no longer for me’ and honour it in full without letting the mind feed us that ‘trying one more time might be OK’ – we’re so far from listening to our bodies being a normality, and yet this is the very thing that can support us all. I love this sharing because it makes me consider all the choices where my body says that isn’t OK and then it is up to me to choose differently.
A few people at work have given up alcohol for January. Yesterday one of them remarked how they are getting so much more work done because of not spending time in the pub or recovering from hangovers.
I love that Debra – discovering the joy of being themselves.
If we are really, brutally honest with ourselves, how many other behaviours do we carry on with to fit in. Alcohol certainly would not be the only one, and it can be applied right across the food and drink spectrum, into relationships, work, living with abuse, sex, drinking, abuse at work etc. etc. Its a pandemic that affects the way the world behaves and it happens because we do not have that strong relationship with ourselves and how we actually feel.
When I started to look at why I drank alcohol and got to a point where it didn’t make sense anymore there was a understanding that I was ‘giving up’ anything. What I was coming to understand was that I was stopping something that was harming my body, the way I felt and the quality I was living in. Even though you wouldn’t have called me an alcoholic I would still have a glass of wine most nights if not two. The thought of giving that up was at one point not even a possibility but once I started to get honest about how I felt and listening to my body, stopping something that was harming me made sense and wasn’t even a question any more.
Crazy isn’t it! It’s like drinking poison and people asking you why don’t you drink this poison? It’s a no brainer. You mention alcoholic and I would say the biggest alcoholic is the one thinking they have it all under control because everyone else is doing the same thing. That’s the trap of normalcy. If it goes under the umbrella of “being normal” then everything goes. Until the body screams at you loud and clear. As for me, I stopped something that was harming my body, no big deal really, just common sense.
“For me it seems very strange to put something into our bodies that makes us ill, flat and tired the next day – it doesn’t make any sense, so giving up alcohol for me was a no brainer.” Matts this is gorgeous and shows that there is a level of self love that you have built that does not allow you to drop below a certain level of care, respect and love for yourself.
When we stop to actually register how awful something we have done or eaten feels in the body, we are perhaps less likely to make the same choice again…Of course, we can also make the opposite choice, in which case we must question why – perhaps there was something happening in our lives that we were having trouble accepting, living with or fearful of etc. Eating or drinking substances that are harming to us is really just a symptom of a deeper unrest within. And hence this is the clue for us to work with in order for us to change the ‘symptoms’.
Thanks Henrietta, great confirmation for me.
I have found that Matts’ approach works for many things: Increasing my awareness bit by bit until it is extremely obvious that what I am about to do is harming me. Once I am at that stage, I may persist for a few more times but in most cases I eventually drop that harming activity.
One practice I can think of that assists what you share Christoph is laying down and feeling my body. That develops my awareness in life as well. Makes me more alert and it’s like my antennas are raised to detect more of what is going on in my life.
How many other types of behaviour or addictions do we have in society to fit in? We can look at drinking alcohol as one example, but what about the seemingly less harmful (but not) things like eating a meal prepared by a family member who has ‘made it especially for you’ and it’s eaten out of obligation and guilt? That is just as toxic as drinking alcohol to fit in.
That brings it to another level Sandra – who wants to eat food made by the angry chef?
If we are willing to continually listen, our body will let us know what is true and clear. It might be the 3rd time it lets us know that gets through or maybe the 17th. The point is it never lets up in its beautiful way of communicating. I appreciate Matts how rather than following a rule in a book you got to know incontrovertibly how your body felt.
Yes for that I love myself. I do have an awesome connection with how I feel. Sometimes I have to remind myself that. Or be reminded, like now by you.
I agree Matts that “it seems very strange to put something into our bodies that makes us ill, flat and tired the next day”, but so many of us totally ignore these symptoms and continue to put the offending products into our bodies day after day. To teach children about the wonders of their bodies and how to listen to the messages that these precious vessels give us in every moment would certainly go a long way to break this self destructive cycle.
It’s interesting to consider just how many people have started drinking simply because of the social factor and not because they actually enjoy the drink. The drink for most is actually disgusting especially on the first ever sip but the effect it has and the social reward must be far more sought at that moment than the actual physical taste.
I came from a society where in order to be a real man you had to be able to handle your alcohol and the one who could drink the most and still be the last one standing was somehow revered. I can’t help feeling foolish now, seeing this as cool and nearly complete ruining this one body I was given
No matter how I thought alcohol made me feel when I used to drink, the bottom line was I had to depend on it to become a certain state. The dependency is the issue—any dependency meant it is not wholly from my innermost, as I have grasped onto something from the outside, this did not truly feel supportive to me and although it was important to accept where I was, I knew this was not a true way for me, and this eventually led me to discover another way (alcohol and addiction free) to live.
The irony of drinking to fit in is what you are fitting into is giving up who you really are and letting a chemical adjust you to a point you are no longer there. So rather than fitting in, you are joining other people who are also now no longer there.
That sounds like something coming out of a description of some dark decadent and lost society. But you are just presenting the state of our society right here and now.
This is great Matts for me to read and really feel what happens when we drink and how this affects the body. Something to truly sit with and consider how this may personally affect us and those around us too.
Letting go of something that doesn’t support us is testimony of our commitment to something far greater.
This is a beautiful blog offering the true reason behind drinking and the healing that can occur with listening to our body and honouring it and not harming it. With the true understanding of the effects of alcohol on our bodies we would not choose it in the first place so there would be no giving up only love and appreciation for life and ourselves with real responsibility.
We should be discussing the true affects alcohol has on us. Not dressing it up to be a social ice breaker and reason for going out to enjoy ourselves, when alcohol in truth distracts us from who we are.
We should Sally. The problem is that so many of us rely on it to feel “safe” when we are with other people. Some use it at home to feel more “relaxed”. It is one of the most addictive drugs there is because the addiction comes from us needing it to feel safe in some way. Even though it’s not true safety but a numbing of what we don’t really want to feel. We’ve come to a collective agreement that drinking is ok and even though it’s not we can use the collective to hide in. Eventually when the problems around alcohol becomes too massive to hide we will have to reconsider alcohol as being one of the most addictive drugs on the planet. To clarify that: It’s not actually the alcohol that is the biggest problem. It’s us not wanting to be honest, truly honest of why we drink, that is the biggest problem. It’s the same thing with smoking. Take away the smoke for one day or so and you will feel everything that the smoke helps you to not feel. So we are basically playing a game of not wanting to feel things. I know it can be hard sometimes but the first step is at least to be honest and say that something is not quite right. What is it that I don’t want to feel. That question to ourselves is already the start to heal whatever is there to be healed.
It is interesting how giving up alcohol can make others feel uncomfortable …the same happened when I gave up gluten and dairy. It was not so much a struggle to give these things up but more how to deal with those close to me who were challenged by it. Consistency in my relationships was the key – and not giving in to sympathy if someone baked me a cake and I didn’t eat it! There was lots of that in the early days!
Food definitely has a different taste since I gave up drinking and as you shared Matts the dinnertime conversations are rewarding.
It is great to observe our patterns and behaviours and why it is that we turn to less than loving props, medications and distractions to live our lives. What you share is relevant to each of us, be it alcohol that we turn to, food or something else. In order to arise out of this behaviour and allow our body to tell us the truth of how we are living as the receiver of our choices, it is important to develop a relationship with our body and to bring awareness and honesty to our every choice.
It is so interesting how we fall for the trap of thinking that we will discover or define who we are by fitting in to a group or with what others are doing. We think we are being more when in fact we are being less. We are actually reducing who we are by overriding our truth, giving our power away and diminishing the quality of our fullness. In truth there is nothing in the world that can compare to the greatness of who we are when we live in connection to our essence and honor the truth we feel within ourselves and our bodies. As our bodies are our greatest and truest friend, always guiding us to be all that we already are.
“It was actually great that my body told me that loud and clear what it truly preferred.” Now tell most people that a sharp pain in the kidneys like a knife digging in is great, and they would look at you very weirdly. But read it in the way that the body was actually expressing about a choice and even more so a choice yet to be made, then you have a revelation about the true wisdom and preciousness of our bodies.
It is pretty obvious to drink alcohol we have to be out of our body to think that this is an okay thing to do. Why you may ask? Well if we consider that alcohol is a known poison, we are poisoning our body for a start and then if we drink too much we often start to slur our words, we tend to talk sh…, we often cannot remember what we have said to who the next morning, we lose any sense of boundaries and any thing goes, we may pass out on the floor if we drink too much, we tend to smoke much more if we are a smoker, we often forget about our friends and become very self obsessed and there is a good chance that we end up in bed with a complete stranger…. And we say we have “had a great night on the piss”!!!!! Who do we think we are kidding????
For many, the thought of giving up alcohol brings up a lot of stuff and can seem impossible. It can be that way when you think about giving anything up. If you try to give something up it can be incredible hard. But if we put the focus elsewhere and begin to listen to our body we don’t really give stuff up, it’s more that things just drop away.
Also as things drop away I feel that they were never serving my body to evolve.
We use the alcohol to numb what it is we don’t want to feel so in a way the body doesn’t evolve but in a another way it actually does by healing itself and that is what we call illness and disease. So the body actually does its part. What is not evolving however (by choice!) is the spirit inside the body running the show. It deliberately uses things like alcohol to numb what it doesn’t want to feel or be aware of, and then the body need to catch up.
It is so true that alcohol only provides us with momentary relief from social anxiety and provides an inauthentic connection that is not true or lasting. We will always need to rely on more of it in order to relax or have enough confidence to be with people.
Yes until we snap because we have to eventually. The body have to say no at some point.
The body gives us many messages and whether it is from a reaction to alcohol, gluten, dairy etc what ever the substance may be. if we learn from the message our whole life benefits, if we choose to ignore the message and continue to load our bodies with unwanted substances a negative outcome is inevitable.
I second that Samantha!
The poison that is alcohol affects us in many negative ways. It is a blessing when someone’s body rejects the continual input of that poison by reacting with pain or illness.
It is, some might say it’s a nuisance but in truth it is a blessing from our body.
When I gave up alcohol the hardest thing for me was the reactions and pressure from other people – the social rituals that seemed so dependent on it. It was harder to detach from these then it was any physical craving or habit I may have had towards it.
That in itself shows how crazy our relationship with alcohol has become.
Over the last couple of months I have become aware of a growing number of people saying that they have or would like to stop drinking alcohol which is really interesting when it has become such an accepted ‘norm’ in our society.(This was before the festive season indulges)
Well maybe we do get more aware and accepting of the fact that it’s way more pleasant to be clear and sober than drinking alcohol.
Your process of giving up alcohol is similar to that of any substance or behaviour that is addictive. You simply claimed how you wanted to feel, and gave up the thing that was stopping you from feeling that. This is inspiring and could be applied to anything.
And the best of ways if I may say so because there is nothing in me that wants it anymore. I want me and therefore the alcohol had to leave the building.
Well before I would give up something that was damaging to my body and my health I can always remember this ‘nagging’ feeling that what I was choosing wasn’t good for me. I describe it as nagging, only because of the choice I was making at the time to ignore it. But inevitably the truth doesn’t go away just because it is not listened to. With hindsight, I can appreciate how much much my body supports me to make decisions that are in my best interest.
That’s the great thing about the body, it always gives us the messages we need. Sometimes we don’t listen and then the body will have to communicate in a different way. Sometimes a bit louder than we would prefer but then again we might have ignored it for quite some time. Like having to clean the house. You can put it off for some time but inevitably it will start to smell and you might trip over things or having a hard time breathing because of all the dust.
I am coming up to 10 years without drinking alcohol and it’s really something to celebrate. One thing is for certain my body really loves not being poisoned.
What is there to be celebrated is us choosing us, not really us not having a poison – but I know what you’re saying Vanessa.
Well Im just back from doing the Christmas thing with my family where a lot of alcohol was consumed, I was so grateful when I woke every morning without that old familiar hung over, dry mouth, headache feeling going on that would have been me, now almost ten years ago.
I know what you’re saying Kevin, it seems like a lifetime ago since I had that and it was about ten years here also.
Its a real gift when our body responds to a situation with a severe reaction. We can easily say I wish I wasn’t so sensitive and didn’t react so strongly to this or that, but actually we can’t wish that, as being shown the harm of any choice is fantastic really as it makes us more likely to move away from hurting ourselves. I never really loved alcohol though in the midst of it I would be convinced I did, I see now that what I really loved was the sugar and the numbing of the feelings I didn’t know how to cope with.
And I’m sure you didn’t love the sugar or the numbing either. It’s just a way for us to cope with life, as we know it. Even though life is not something we should be needing to cope with anyways but enjoy.
Matts your wisdom and consideration of your body on this topic of alcohol consumption is awesome. Alcohol is something that is put forward as ‘good’ things which is good for partying and having a good time, but the real good time we can have is right in our bodies, with the people around us and the activities we do, and no external stimulant can be better than this potential.
Totally agree Harrison and so a little bit of appreciation is well in place here, thanks for the reminder.
Giving up alcohol is a big deal for anyone, it can be very liberating for the person giving it up. But it can also be very confronting for those people around who are still drinking. They can feel confronted because deep down they know the truth about what alcohol does and may not like to admit that. But to listen to the body and hear what it says is super important and loving.
I have also learnt over the years to not take it too personally the way I am treated by family and friends who seem to exclude me from things because I no longer drink alcohol, as I do offer a reflection that they are perhaps not ready for yet.
I think everyone should appreciate when someone makes progresses in life in terms of health and wellbeing and not get confronted. But we know it still happens and I guess we have to get used to that.
I just have to recall every decision I made when intoxicated to really appreciate how harmful alcohol is.
Alcohol was very much part of my life growing up. Drinking alcohol was seen as a badge of maturity and we, as children, were encouraged to drink alcohol. It wasn’t until I started to listen to my body that I chose to call it a day with alcohol and it was only from responding to my body’s signs and symptoms that I was able to stand up to the societal pressure to conform. I stopped drinking alcohol aged 25 when I started training as a nurse, having a clear sense then that it was interfering with my enjoyment of a job I really loved.
It’s crazy that we now have to unpick and redo something that shouldn’t been allowed in the first place, but we allowed it still: For alcohol to become an accepted drug in society. It’s a low mark for humanity to allow this in but as we’ve been given free choice we have to come to it ourselves. Speaking about it like we do is important because it helps to dissolve the thick fog of denial and resistance that is still very much prominent.
I love the photograph depicting the drain on the kidney area that can be felt when drinking alcohol. I noticed in the last stages in giving up alcohol that I used to get a sore jaw when I had a few initial sips of wine, so in the end I listened to the body rather than indulged in my small moments of tasting pleasure.
Yes well the mouth might enjoy things but the body doesn’t, which is a bit confusing because the mouth is also part of the body. But we know that what is perceiving it as being “nice” or tasteful is us feeling the numbing that is taking place, we feel the tension of life perhaps being not so present anymore. I’m not critical to us feeling the need for relief but when we start talking about alcohol as it being good for us and try to promote it in some way that’s where we need to pull the handbrake and come to our senses.
Just like any drug alcohol is the same, it hooks you in and even though there are different levels of in take and we can think we have it under control in truth it rules us. Because it has become a socially accepted thing to do for centuries it is actually down to us to make the changes that we know deep down our body is asking for.
Yep, and I would say that the ones most affected are those that have a glass of wine every now and then thinking or being certain that they do not have a drinking problem. The “alcoholics” are sort of the scapegoats for the “socially acceptable” or the “every now and then drinkers” so they can feel unchallenged drinking the way they do when in fact that type of mentality that having a poison, which alcohol is, in less extreme amounts is in any way ok. So we use extremes to justify that what we do is ok when that is the whole illusion of it. It’s great to reveal these sort of things Natalie, thanks for your comment!
I didn’t come to my senses until I was in my early fifties, and not before my body shouted at me very loudly and I found myself in some tricky situations. I used alcohol to boost my confidence and I liked the way I felt when I connected to people, all the inhibitions left and I felt more open towards them. Little did I know the true harm I was doing to my body and to those around me as I was NOT being my true self at all. Once I woke up to this fact I stopped drinking straight away, never looked back and don’t miss it at all. Bottom line is, the more I connect to the real me, accept myself and open myself up to people, the need for alcohol is not required anymore, and just like you Matts, by body, thanks me for it.
Funny how in our society we drink alcohol to ‘relax’ us, to ‘relieve the tension’…from what? From Life…
But is that not then very telling of how we live, that we have to have something that will take us away from it? What if we let ourselves feel life and how we live …and from there learn, with the right support, to change our way of living to a way that is far more respectful, with care and warmth… Not always easy to do, but well well worth while!
I think we are so used to this life as we know it to be it. We cannot see that there is more to life. I just saw an illustration of how minuscule earth actually is in the universe yet we think that our life is all that exists. And maybe this is what we miss. We miss knowing that we are more than meets the eye and in that missing state we do whatever to numb the pain of it. And in truth I know we all miss this. And it will not go away with alcohol or any other drug. It’s something to connect to, not run away from. And being the one sober as a bell at the party is the one actually being most connected to that grand universe and if that feels uncomfortable then so be it. It’s worth it, being the light that shines for others. Not easy all of the time but worth it.
So many people when they hear I do not drink, say but what about all those social occasions? I cannot lie, it is true you start to let go of many social occasions where alcohol predominates, because you get to feel that you are not actually with the people, you are with what they become when they are on alcohol. Conversely spending time with like minded people who do not drink is such a joy.
You are so right Simon, not only does spending time with like minded people who are not drinking become more real and such a joy, you remember what you did and said the next morning! In fact, no more lying in bed until midday which is such a waste of time, and no more overeating to compensate for the overdose of sugar.
Alcohol is a ‘soothing balm’ to the human spirit that has taken leave of the whole that is the Soul and in the ache of this separation chooses to not be aware of the deep pain we cause ourselves when we do not live true to the love that we are.
I became aware recently how we talk about the aboriginal culture having an alcohol problem but only talk about individuals when it comes to other cultures in Australia. The arrogance of that really struck me as a ploy to deflect attention away from the community responsibility in order to not be honest about a major problem for our entire society.
I remember the first time I tasted alcohol I did not enjoy it either. However I quickly over-rode this and would say I enjoyed a drink for many years, however I remember that my body would only let me drink so much and I would frequently fall asleep at parties at about 10pm!… because on reflection my body was shutting down in response to the booze. This became a bit of a joke with my friends and a cause for embarrassment for me at the time but looking back I can now see what a favour my body was giving me and the message it was giving me loud and clear.
I haven’t touched alcohol for many years now. I remember when I first stopped it that I noticed for the first time how people changed even just after one glass. I would be sitting with friends who I love very much and would be enjoying connecting with them, but after a while it felt like I was losing them. I would not be able to connect with them and they would slip more and more out of reach. I found this very sad and still do.
I never did drugs because I didn’t want to lose control of myself, considering alcohol the lesser of the two evils in that regard, but really alcohol was no different. I never enjoyed that feeling of waking up and cringing at the memory of some outlandish behaviour the night before that was completely out of character for me.
I remember when I lived in London in my early 20’s taking to drinking cider because it was cheap, it also got you very silly very quickly which started off supposedly ‘fun’ but quickly deteriorated for me. I attribute that to not only the alcohol but the huge amount of sugar in the drink as well. Both poisons.
If life is not enough, if you cannot relax at the end of a day due to the state you have allowed your body to get in, then alcohol is the obvious alternative. If you look at it this way, however, you realise that no one really has an alcohol issue per say – at least not to start with. What they have is an issue with being able to deal with life the rest of the time and the inevitable tension of living. The problem with alcohol – other than the obvious physical side effects – is that it is a form of medication that essentially works, and in that it prevents us from understanding that we actually have the ability to deal with the tensions we are trying to avoid and discover a depth to life that we have perhaps long forgotten.
What a beautiful process of listening more and more to what the body is communicating rather than following the ideals and beliefs that the mind offers up for as temporary solutions to our malaise.
It is astonishing that alcohol has become such an insidious part of our society when it is so obviously harming – not only does it affect our internal organs, many people injure themselves while under the influence and, because their brains are also affected, the dangerous driving that can lead to deaths cannot be ignored. And yet governments make huge amounts of money from the duties. There is a lot to change, which will take time, but we will get there eventually.
Resolution day has come and gone. How many have awoken and sworn they will never drink again, or at least till next weekend! In my past I can say I have been there, done that myself. Drinking, only robs us of precious moments that we will never get back this lifetime!
I also used to hate the taste of alcohol but the crazy thing is I ignored the signals my body was giving me and continued to drink, until it was pretty clear years later that I needed to give up alcohol because I couldn’t handle the effect of it anymore. It felt very empowering to let go of alcohol in my life and to never experience the terrible hangovers ever again.
I was doing the big family Christmas this year there were 46 of us at the table and there was a lot of alcohol being consumed, and the more people drank the louder and louder it got. It was good to be an observer rather than a partaker and it was great waking up the next day without a hangover as I would have in the past.
I had many many experiences whereby my body was telling me to not drink alcohol, but I diligently ignored the signs over and over again. I didn’t allow myself to truly feel what the alcohol was doing, because I was always more interested in the social aspect, even when I as getting very sick from hangovers and other issues in my body. I still stuck with it. Which in hindsight and how I feel about my body now, just worlds apart. There is such a love for myself now, that wasn’t ever there before, as I would not treat my body with such disregard.
‘For me it seems very strange to put something into our bodies that makes us ill, flat and tired the next day – it doesn’t make any sense, so giving up alcohol for me was a no brainer.’ Giving up alcohol for similar reasons was also easy for me Matts, yet there are still foods that I can go to that have a similar effect on my body. As I deepen my love for myself and commitment to life further these are also dropping away.
Matt I can relate to the lack of self confidence, I too drank because of that and so I could fit in with my friends. I felt it gave me a sense of confidence, but looking back it was just using alcohol to help me express what I was holding back when not drinking. It left me physically feeling awful the next morning. Since I have given up alcohol I have no regrets and feel much more confidence.
The longer it becomes since I have drunk alcohol that it becomes to imagine being able to do so despite being very clear that I once did and why.
January is always a time of year where many take the opportunity to give there bodies a rest from alcohol. From over doing it during the festive time they know that there bodies need a rest. From the people that I have met along the way they actually feel better for it even thought the first week can be a bit of a struggle. What is worth pondering on which I did for myself is if it feels better without drinking and I feel more vital and alive then why would I go back to it. Respecting the body and valuing what it is quiet often we can over look.
This is so true for me too Matts – “Looking back I knew from the beginning that alcohol wasn’t my thing. ” It made me sick, I lost consciousness quite a few times even though I had not drunk a lot, my body rejected and rejected it time and again – I had to truly wonder what was running this show for me to keep going with it. It was only after a deep healing sessions in 2002 that the very next day I could not bare the smell of alcohol anywhere near me, let alone take a sip. What changed for me in that session? I got to feel for the first time in my life that I was a loveable being and with that, alcohol just fell away as if it had never been.
I loved alcohol – at least what it did in the hour or two after I drank it. I very much disliked what it did to me physically afterwards. Once the pleasant-seeming numbness that comes from alcohol lost its attraction it made no sense to drink it again.
I would change the word love with desire and then it’s closer to the truth.
Loving myself more than my desire to fit in was a major step to no longer drinking. It now requires more love to let go of what no longer is supportive to my body things alike chocolate, the beauty is that I know that once I have placed my body first it becomes effortless to let go of what hurts my body and soul.
It is crazy Elizabeth, it tastes awful and I cannot imagine how anyone can pour it down their throat, well I can but you know what I mean.
Whenever we make a choice that offers us a deeper connection within, the foundation for our evolution becomes stronger and stronger.
It is amazing how much alcohol affects our body and our state of being, and how much we are willing to override this in the name of ‘having fun’ or ‘enjoying life’ or to rely on it to give us a bit more confidence in life.
How many times would we really overdo it and pay for it the next day or ruff for days? We would swear never ever to do that again and quit drinking… till the next time! Awaking every day now, feeling fit for the day and whatever it presents, is a far cry from my past!
Matts it was amazing how you became so much more aware of how alcohol was affecting you, even before you consumed it you were able to feel the draining effects of alcohol. This is very empowering, to be deeply in tune with your body and honouring what you felt. I am sure through deepening our relationship with our body, it will support us hugely in life.
I think that is the trick, we don’t really see that we change and that drinking alcohol is not really a very healthy thing to partake in because the alcohol softens the pressures we find life is bringing to us, so for most people it’s like a medicine because we find life a bit too much to cope with. The true medicine however would be to not drink, connect with the people we see at the party of wherever we might be and share with them that I’ve had a really rough week and feel quite tired. That would be so much more rewarding for everyone and an opener for others to also start sharing how they feel about life, things that we all feel but don’t talk about very much.
Going along the lines of the “arrogant Buzz ” you described Matts it seems we have been fooled by so many feelings like this and led to believe this is fun, but inevitably the scale of heights and lows that is provided shows us stimulation is seen as false, as our body is forever working for an equality which can’t be ignored.
Once the difference of stopping drinking alcohol has been felt in your body you know that the is every reason to not drink again even if you do it’s a marker that is known and allows a growing awareness of the effects that it has over us.
Your story reminds me of a time when I went out with a couple of friends in another town who drank a lot; I really thought I was enjoying myself but could never understand why my kidneys would hurt so much on the drive back home the following day; it just didn’t seem to make sense because I never used to get backaches.
It’s been years since I drank and it is the most normal feeling in my body, I don’t have even the remotest interest in going back or being tempted. It now feels so opposite to everything I claim for myself and my body that I could not even entertain the idea of being so unloving and abusive to myself.
Yes Merrilee me too – how refreshingly freeing and liberating is it when we have made true choices for that to occur.
My body also did this, ‘ It was actually great that my body told me that loud and clear what it truly preferred’, when I drank alcohol the last time I was sick about 3 times, I got to feel that alcohol is a poison that my body was not having it and so I had to stop, I now feel how wonderful it is that my body spoke so clearly.
I stopped drinking and in fact I realised that was almost the easy part…I had the hangovers and body pains but I over rode them….I stopped because I realised that I actually loved myself and I didn’t want to prison myself to that degree anymore….however the culture habits, and physical markers in my body concerning the smell, taste etc of alcohol stayed with me for a long time, I kept some wine someone gave us as a present in a the shed and until one bright sunny day it came out the cork came off and I poured it down the drain and the bottle in the recycling. I knew then it had no hold on me, it wouldn’t matter if I was at party or in pub and all my friends were drinking and asking me to join in, there would be no tension in me or feel to be part of what was happening, it feels amazing. The more we live with an understanding a connection with our body, the more with ease we honour what we feel and support our bodies to flourish.
I love that Richard, we should ask back “why do you drink”? I would say that would initiate others to really look at why indeed they do drink. Alcohol is sort of humanities (or at least one of them) for now acceptable drugs we use to not deal with our problems but it’s time we’d be woken up, and by asking back we will give people a chance to really reflect on why do I choose to not be true to myself.
Alcohol is a great example of what we condition ourselves to choose to fit in to be accepted in society. For me when I grew up this was what the adults did when they weren’t getting on in life and committing to work and other roles. You saw how this is what it means to ‘relax’, chill out and have a good time with your friends and family. No one said no to having a drink and when you were a teenager that wanting to join in and be accepted became stronger. Then when you have the first sips it all tastes disgusting and the feeling of not being yourself gets overridden by ‘this is what you do’ comes in.
This then very quickly becomes your norm. So when you start to question this and say no to this habit and condition then everyone around you that you have been joining in with starts to feel uncomfortable and turns it round back on you. It has been the best thing I have ever done and as challenging as it was with all my friends, family and colleagues – to stand by what I know feels 100 x better. For me it was about stopping a habit and conditioning that was not supportive to my life and bring a more loving and respectful way in how I look after myself.
It’s a bit crazy town that we do things to ourselves that harm ourselves.
The simplicity joy and clarity in our lives from not having alcohol is amazing . It really does honour ourselves and brings an aliveness and vitality and to those around us with true connection and presence which makes all the difference and allows the truth to be seen and felt.
I agree completely, ‘ it seems very strange to put something into our bodies that makes us ill, flat and tired the next day – it doesn’t make any sense, so giving up alcohol for me was a no brainer’.
Isn’t that the best way to quit something that is not actually good for us. To love ourselves more than the vice.
Alcohol is treacherous in many ways. One that came to mind this morning was the way people speak about alcohol. It appears that it can seem to speak through us even if we haven’t actually been drinking right at that moment. So many times have I heard people defend alcohol in a way that you could almost suspect they were hypnotized. They speak about it as if it’s all ok, “we have been drinking for aeons”, “man has always sought some form of way to intoxicate themselves” and so on as if that is a reason for it being ok. Rather would it be a token that we haven’t evolved one bit since we obviously still harm ourselves and haven’t found more resourceful ways of dealing with stuff in our lives. What I also realised was that this defending of alcohol is not the true person saying it, rather is it coming from that place within that we don’t want to visit. So there is a part of us that uses alcohol to dampen the emotional rattle that is buzzing within and of course then defending it would seem logical, if you don’t want to feel what it is that is being kept away. Eventually however we have to revisit and feel what it is we don’t want to feel. The alcohol cannot silence it forever.
I was around a lot of people drinking around Christmas and when I’d see them the next day they would all deny felling rough which can’t have been true due to the amount consumed which I also felt was a way of defending the substance.
I have just been considering the financial benefits of no longer drinking. Over a 10 year period I am probable thousands of pound better off. Something else to appreciate.
I dragged my feet over giving up alcohol. It took me two years to finally stop drinking after I made the decision that it was doing me more harm, and wasting hours of my life recovering from hangovers. After a while when I stopped the big binge drinking, even the odd drink here and there felt horrible. Now that I no longer drink its something I don’t miss and feel a lot healthier in my body.
Great sharing ‘but when alcohol was present that loving connection was out the door’. It is so true we can either have one or the other but not both as how can we truly connect with another when we have poison (alcohol) in our body and are not truly connected with ourselves. Anyway why would we want to ‘put something into our bodies that makes us ill, flat and tired the next day – it doesn’t make any sense, so giving up alcohol for me was a no brainer’.
It is crazy to tell ourselves that we have to drink to fit in, and yet that is what we do and we do not question that choice either. Many of the destructive things we do are so early justified in the mind and unfortunately at the expense of the body.
Ah, that day is soon upon us again, when we close off the year behind us, forget the past and welcome in the New Year. And, what better way to achieve forgetting then with copious amounts of alcohol! We get to forget the past year, what happened last night and sometimes where we live! It is a multi-purpose wipe the slate clean product. It should have one of those health warning stickers that states the few side effects it may cause; forgetfulness and/or memory loss, do not operate heavy equipment, can induce vomiting which will disrespect your shoes, impair vision, cause drowsiness and cause you to do really dumb things that you will be reminded of for years. Without alcohol, the end of the year is a marker and celebration of where we have evolved to in the past 12 months and the amazing world of opportunities that is presented to us at the dawn of every new day!
Deep down, everyone wants to connect with other people…it’s what we all want. Bring in alcohol and there is no chance of a connection with another person because of the changes it makes within our bodies. So the very thing people want most, and go out to do is hampered by this ‘social’ substance. I love being with and connecting with people and it is always without alcohol these days.
Matts I would have claimed that I loved drinking and that it made me “come out of my shell” when the truth is the complete opposite, today I love connecting with myself and others, I appreciate the quality and depth of conversation and can honestly say I was a mess when I drunk and the conversation meant nothing. Making life about purpose and evolution certainly changes everything including what drinks I choose to consume. Thank you for sharing your experience as it helps me reflect on the details of what I went through in the past.
It’s great to value the loving human connection so much that you are unwilling to compromise by drinking alcohol. It really does take us away from the true connection that is possible with others. It’s simply not worth it.
Matts, I can relate to this, ‘Now when I go out to restaurants or clubs, which is a bit more seldom than before, I have a glass of water and enjoy the food and the people.’ I used to feel that I needed alcohol to make me more confident and sociable, I would feel awful the next day and eventually stopped drinking, I now enjoy going out so much more without alcohol, I find that I appreciate and enjoy being with people and love that the focus is no longer on the alcohol and that the next day I wake up and feel fine and I actually feel more confident now without the alcohol.
I feel that I did like the taste of alcohol – and the buzz of confidence it gave me, and in spite of what the alcohol did to my body and how I felt the next day, it took a long time for me to begin to realise that I could have more fun without alcohol in my body. At first people were not ready to accept that I no longer had that need but for me there was no hesitation as life felt so much freer without the dependency.
It is amazing how we can force ourselves to like something so that we can be like our friends, so that we don’t stand out. I did the same with both alcohol and cigarettes. Quitting alcohol was easy but quitting smoking took several tries. I’m glad I quit both – my body is far healthier as a result.
Great blog, Matts, an important topic too. How you write about alcohol not making sense, makes so much sense to me. Looking back, I know I started to drink to fit in and to be cool, I never liked the taste of it. After hearing from Serge Benhayon, the true effect alcohol has on our bodies, it was no problem to stop. The disturbing thing is how much I ignored what my body told me back then.
What is our reflection of removing the cork from the bottle? It releases what we have bottled up within us or just adds to the dark water we wish to immerse ourselves deeper.
Your honesty and detail on the effects of alcohol is deeply appreciated Matts. This blog offers so much to those struggling with the pressure to drink and the reflection it offers will speak to the heart of many – drinker, partners, children and innocent observers.
I hope so Christine.
Reading your great blog Matts and all the comments here shows how many of us have overruled what our body was telling us in order to fit in, even though we could feel something amiss in the quality of our relationships when we drank alcohol. No one wins when we drink alcohol, our bodies hate it and nobody gets to meet the real us.
I wonder what would happen if we stop doing things that weighs our body down and instead prepares for it to be all that it can be, what would happen? Then I guess we cannot use the body to hide in any longer. Is that why we do all these things? Because we can hide and don’t have to be responsible for who we are within and the power that could otherwise be released? I feel I’m onto something here Jane, thanks for the inspiration.
Really if we truly had common sense none of us would drink, a person who has real true intelligence could never ever drink a substance that would ultimately hurt them.
Matt, you are indeed lucky that your body gave you such clear signals but was this because you were, at some level, willing to listen and not completely override these messages as most people have to do in order to keep doing something that is so harmful to the body? A similar thing happened to me with coffee where my body gave me unmistakably clear signals. I used to have one coffee a day with breakfast then, for some reason, I didn’t have it for a week and then, when I had my usual coffee, my heart beat so fast that I could hardly breathe and I realized then what the caffeine was doing to my body. I gave it up then and there and have never had one since.
I think there are many people like you Matts, who actually don’t like drinking alcohol, but drink to fit in. I was one of these but I found alcohol so hard to get down and hated the effect it had on my body and the effect it had on people’s behaviour that I eventually gave it up. When I was in the company of people who were drinking they often tried to coax me into having one but there were also those who would drink less when I was there and even some who chose not to drink. It goes to show that if we are true to what we feel we inspire others to do so too.
I grew up with alcohol being normal, an elementary part of life as most people were having alcohol now and then or even daily, and I saw what it did to some people hence for quite a while I was the only one under my peers not drinking any alcohol during my teenage years. That changed in my twenties for some years. When I decided to not drink alcohol anymore it was not a big deal though interesting to expose the underlying emotional reasons for having it in the past. Several years later now it seems completely strange and incomprehensible why people drink as there is nothing left in my body that would want or even consider having alcohol. So from not having it in reaction to what I saw it doing to others to having it to join my friends, taking off the edge and checking out to not having any need or emotion or urge anymore I can say from experience that we can completely renounce something that harms us when we are willing to heal and take care of the underlying reasons for any unloving behaviour.
It’s interesting to observe, in others and in myself, how easy it can be to dismiss these messages and carry on regardless – be it a rash, bloating, pain, lack of sleep, bad dreams, weight gain or one of many other ways our body has of voicing how it feels after we eat, drink or do something – but how often do we stop, listen and then make a change? Do we brush the incident off and pretend like the symptoms didn’t have anything to do with what we just ate or did? Perhaps we eat the same thing again and again, getting the same result just to be sure it’s that causing it. Or maybe we just ignore it, put up with or accept it. I know for me, I didn’t realise how sluggish and tired gluten made me until I stopped eating it – up till then, the tiredness and dullness had blended into my normal way of feeling, so that I no longer noticed the lesser level of function – for me it wasn’t lesser because I had forgotten or never really known what it felt like without gluten. Sometimes it takes these small changes, experimenting with the body and how we feel, to find our own way with life and what feels right and wrong for us.
I wish I had been aware enough to feel what the alcohol was doing to my kidneys, I was so shut down that I could not feel a thing and the more I drank the more anesthetized I became…no hope what so ever of staying in my body let alone feeling it.
When I valued feeling great every single day over checking out with a drink or two, it then became easy to give up alcohol.
When I read this I am pondering again about why I did alcohol. I was an every day drinker and even I was sitting often in front of a toilette because my body wanted to get rid of this substance I have put into it – I did it again and again and again. Like there was no learning. I did not change my acting. Only when I started to bring in more honor and self-love into my life I had the base to stop drinking. In fact I was not interested anymore in drinking and it did stop very easy and naturally. I always had that believe that life would not be fun without drinking alcohol – to find out life is AMAZING and joy all over when I take responsibility about it. No need to numb myself with drugs and other stuff when I am with me, connected to the all.
Isn’t it amazing how society doesn’t question you if you drink, but it does question you if you don’t. Surely if this world made sense, you would be questioning why you felt it was ok, or normal even, to drink a poison.
I had a strange feeling yesterday, the day after Christmas on my trip to the shops for a few bit and my daily walk. The world felt like it was hung-over. Christmas, the months of preparation and accumulation of the effort that builds to the explosive climax of one day! I read that the average Xmas meal has 6000 calories! Christmas is getting like weddings: months of planning, lots and lots of money, copious amounts food and drinks, expensive clothes you will never wear again and will take years to pay off the cost of it…. all for an ‘I do”! Why don’t we get married every year, we can’t use the excuse it costs too much!
Loud and clear your body spoke about the impact of alcohol on it. This is super cool and then again super cool that you listened.
When I drank alcohol, which was on and off from age 14 to 42 yrs, I often used to feel very different pre, during and post drinking. And whatever mood I was in, alcohol would often increase it or make me feel numb so I couldn’t feel it. Post drinking alcohol after a big night was a sorry state of affairs, with poor sleep, headaches, nausea and a feeling of needing more to feel better again.
It is crazy how we continue to drink, smoke and even eat things even when our body instantly tells us that it doesn’t want it. I was introduced to alcohol at quite a young age by my father, who would give me a little bit of port mixed with lemonade to make it ‘taste nice’! and I loved to have it as it made me feel grown up. It is amazing that we are encouraged to drink, and if we don’t we are seen as being slightly odd, or not wanting to join in the ‘fun’. How different the world would be if we changed our attitude towards alcohol, and saw it as the poison that it really is.
Thank you Matts a conversation well worth having. It’s one of the best things I have ever done was to stop drinking alcohol. Understanding that it is a fake state and not really a confidence + how much it interfered with me physically, emotionally and mentally made me feel sick and put me off for life. It is a pure poison.
My body is the most precious thing I have and building true confidence gives me more and more inspiration to keep choosing and or discovering my real strengths and weaknesses and to accept and honor that and all that I am.
We are all made to naturally connect with each other – it is interesting then, that we spend most of our lives seeking distractions NOT to truly connect to others nor ourselves.
I’m sure many people drink because it makes them feel awful. If life is miserable drinking is one way of avoiding feeling it and then confirming the fact of the misery in feeling even more awful. To break the cycle we need to actually care whether we feel awful or not.
‘The first time was at a party of one of my friends; I felt my lower back hurt when I started drinking and I couldn’t understand why. It just felt very uncomfortable, as if someone was holding and squeezing my kidney very hard. But at that point I still kept on drinking.’ How often do we override the messages and constant communication from our bodies by drinking, eating foods that do not support us or pushing to get something done in a certain time frame?
For most of my life alcohol was part of my life both socially and in private. It was my comfort though I did not appreciate I was uncomfortable as it kept me comfortable – a self-fulfilling repeating cycle. However, on being helped to get real, to be true and honest with myself and address the discomfort I was able to acknowledge and feel the truth of the harm of the alcohol. Consequently I gave up the alcohol and now have not had a drink for over ten years. I do not miss nor do I feel a need to numb any discomfort and with that life has come far more pleasurable and fulfilling.
What I find really interesting is that how different we are when it comes to dealing with things that obviously harm us. For many people it is easy to simply drop alcohol, for others it is extremely difficult. The same with smoking or porn or particular foods that are bad for us. What may be easy for one person may be almost impossible for another.
Having spent Christmas Day with 50 people drinking the key difference to being at events with alcohol to events where there is no alcohol is the quality of the room. I can be with twice as many people where there is no alcohol and not feel any intensity where as with half the people and alcohol the room felt bursting with energy and intensity, it’s not pleasant when people become drunk.
After stopping drinking I also realised that I have never really enjoyed it and I had to ask the question why had I been drinking for so long and at times to such an extent that I was ill when I had never enjoyed it? Partly going along with the crowd and what everyone else was doing looking for acceptance but also to check out from what I could feel which I may prefer not to in the world.
just imagine if we actually and truly listened to our bodies right from the very start… And if this awareness was inculcated within us by our parents and teachers, who lived by example… What a different world it would be… And can be!
When I first started to drink alcohol, I couldn’t stand the taste of it. Yet, I grinned and beared it as there was so much social pressure to drink. Over time, I became used to the taste or would drink spirits with lots of mixers to cover up the taste. In hindsight I can see that my body was telling me all along that it didn’t like or enjoy alcohol, yet I was driven to keep drinking it because I loved how it numbed me and how I would lose myself. It wasn’t until I began to self-nurture and self-care that I saw the level of abuse that I was giving myself through drinking alcohol. Clocking this abuse, it was then an easy choice to give it up.
we do seem to focus on the brief buzz and ‘high’ that comes with the alcohol, but deliberately ignore and deny the ongoing sigificant impact that drinking has on how we feel the next day, and the effect it has on not just us but those around us – you only need to look at the statistics of domestic violence and the role of alcohol. and here we are talking serious injury and even murder. ok so that is the extreme end (albeit and indictingly very common), but the minute we lose ourselves in the haze of alcohol, we are diminishing away from all that we are, and everyone is robbed of the truth that we can bring.
It’s interesting that we use the term ‘giving up’ alcohol – insinuating that it brought us something, when in fact it is us giving up on a part of ourselves that allows us to drink it in the first place.
I love this Susan – “…it is actually very anti social to drink.” – Awesome expression and so true, and why do we do this? We can only do this if we are ‘antisocial’ with our selves first.
Having had our Christmas celebration last night (24th) I noted that without having to ask for it, no one brought any alcohol and it was a gentle evening enjoyed by all.
That is what christmas and every other gathering should be like, people coming together and enjoying the warmth that can be felt, not having to add anything.
Part of the attraction to alcohol is that everybody is doing it, and so to socialise without having a drink in your hand in many ways already puts you on the outer, and if there is one thing that motivates us more than anything it is the need to belong.
I know, standing there in the ring of people and not having a glass could feel awkward but it’s an awkwardness that is worth every bit of it.
What if the addiction you highlight here Matts is not alcohol at all, although that can play a big part it is true, but the fear of standing out and not ‘fitting in’? How many areas and how many ways do we carry on to make sure we are part of the ‘norm’? Even in our rebellion, we find a place as a punk or terrorist that others also are. Reading and considering this, perhaps the true revolutionary act is to honour ourselves to the hilt, without reservation, knowing we all intimately fit together in our essence anyway? Playing less that that seems to keep us all addicted at the end of the day.
If we are honest, we all have had experiences where our bodies have clearly told us alcohol is a poison and I so relate to your story Matts of how I got to compromising my body by drinking in order to feel accepted by others, it only took a couple of horrible hangovers and weeks to fully recover for me to realise that drinking alcohol was not a sound choice and my body deserves a much better level of care than that, thank you.
I was always a little bit judgmental about people drinking alcohol in large quantities, and I still am to a certain extent. To me it is a no-brainer to not poison my body with something that makes me feel so ill, that dulls my brain, and that makes me fat. But it really is up to people to make their own choices, my judgment will only alienate them and serves no purpose whatsoever. It is a fact of life: people drink alcohol. Companies market alcohol by projecting an image of being cool, intelligent, social. It is all a huge money-making scam. Governments charge duty on the sale of alcohol, so they stand to lose when everybody stops drinking it. A&E Departments in hospitals are full of alcohol-related injuries, so they will gain, but change is still many centuries off.
Drinking alcohol gives people a quick fix, often with a shot of energy because of the high sugar content and a desensitising as it anaesthetises the senses and the body, often followed by lethargy, tiredness and nausea the following day. And that is in the name of fun?!
I work in a team that is responsible for keeping a large building running. Christmas is the gift giving time for all of the contractors and wholesalers we work with. I don’t spend a lot of time in the office, and it’s like the fairytale of the shoemaker and the elves. Every time I come back to the office, it’s not a pair of shoes, but another bottle of some flavour of alcohol on my desk. It is confusing because most of my contacts know I no longer drink; I get bottles of wine instead of spirits. Others that know I don’t require anything, I get boxes of assorted cheeses or chocolates. What a strange currency alcohol has become for replacing plain old fashioned appreciation!
I often hear about how they enjoy alcohol because it gives them confidence. I can remember numbing out to all my fears and thinking because I had no qualms in being bolshie I was being confident. But I didn’t know what confidence felt like at the time or what connection was so this was the next best thing. I say all this but I knew drinking was not it – a deep ache of loneliness was present beneath all the frivolity and I knew there had to be more to life than this being the pinnacle of having a good time. But I kept having nights out and hoped that some of that bravado that I experienced would remain in my everyday life but it didn’t because none of it was me. It was like I’d rented out Karin’s body for someone else’s amusement. As I’ve come back to being in my body more I now feel that I no longer want to give myself away to a substance that has zero care for me.
Can you imagine a world where no one would drink? We are so far removed from who we really are we use stimulants like drugs, alcohol and sugar to cover up the love we know we are not living.
The consciousness that we have chosen to align to with when it comes to drinking alcohol has established itself in most families; around the dinner table, at the bar-b-que, at sporting events, in front of the TV. The saddest part is that I speak to people who agree that alcohol is a drug and affects their well being. They express how they feel powerless to change! They are overwhelmed by the culture and consciousness and have already given up on their own ability to say no to drinking alcohol.
Matts as you say “For me it seems very strange to put something into our bodies that makes us ill, flat and tired the next day” yet what I am most surprised about is that I always felt this but somehow the lure and the want to escape was for me stronger than listening to my body and what it was telling me, the more I took care of myself then the more I responded to common sense.
I was never what you might call a big drinker , but every time I went out to a party or social event I always used alcohol to boost myself, to glean the confidence that I was missing. This created even more tension in my body and reinforced my lack of self worth. – being me just wasn’t enough. It wasn’t until I met Serge Benhayon and started looking at what was behind my lack of self confidence and my inner connection that everything changed, and now the need for alcohol is completely foreign to me. It is simply and naturally not in my sphere any more. When I am connected to my inner-self I am naturally free to choose – there is no desire or need to poison my body in any situation and I am left with the deliciousness of simply being me!
Yes sometimes it’s scary to be the one shining but that is what we have to get used to when light is what we are.
Very true – it was the cool thing to do when I grew up too. At least nowadays most people are willing to admit that cigarettes are poison, when will the alcohol follow?
Yes good question – and if people admit that cigarettes are poison and yet override that knowing anyway, what chance has alcohol to be classified as poison when still being advertised and sold at every street corner?
It is indeed a very common tale Matts to drink to feel socially confident and fit in and yet it is not so common to accept ourselves just as we are.
“I love being around people and I love the connection with them, but when alcohol was present that loving connection was out the door…” this alone says so much and instead of drinking more alcohol we need to allow ourselves to stop and ask ourselves what do we use alcohol truly for. What do we try to achieve, to cover up with this behaviour and in your example if we love people so much why do we use a substance that actually takes us away from connecting with ourselves and thus with them.
I agree Esther, alcohol is still a medium where people think they are more relaxed and open to each other when in truth the opposite is happening.
Likewise Matts, I used to drink to fill a void, to be more confident socially, to fit in, to medicate after work and make me feel better. But feeling better in that moment is classically false and you feel the true cost either with the way you behave under the influence, or in particular the poison you experience the next day… yet I have done it time and again, paying the price until one day I woke up and similarly decided that I enjoyed the young man who bounced out of bed more than this false version of me that had to be propped up all of the time.
I love your expression Simon – “… I enjoyed the young man who bounced out of bed more…” – it made me smile with the joy of you sharing this.
I started experimenting with alcohol at age 13 and as I got older the amounts I would drink increased. Why did I start in the first place? The usual reasons: my friends were doing it and I was curious about this seemingly sophisticated pursuit – oh and I wanted to impress a boy. The bottom line? I had no sense of my own preciousness and no role models to show the way – alcohol was simply a socially acceptable part of life. Had I had enough of myself I would have never have gone there. As it was it took me ’til age 40 to do away with it altogether, and I’ve never missed it. Like Matts, I hated the next-day effects and decided I didn’t want a future plagued by alcohol-related ills.
Kidney pain is something I sometimes feel around alcohol too – and that’s just being around it, or even just around someone who has been drinking! It’s amazing what our bodies have to share with us – and the message is loud and clear: alcohol is a vitality zapper.
It is fascinating how we can have a bad experience when feeling the poison of the alcohol the next morning have a major effect on the body and say ‘never doing that again’ yet we find ourselves back in a position where we are choosing to have another glass of alcohol. This is what got me in the end, realising I only had the one body and that I needed to start respecting it and treating it with more love and care. The other thing that made it so clear that alcohol is not good for us at all is working in hospitality and seeing constantly how much alcohol changed the person’s being and these qualities that are totally not them would take over and be in control. Sometimes it would only take one glass of something and then bam they were gone. This was always a reminder why it made no more sense to continue.
To totally break the abusive relationship I had with alcohol was the single most liberating point in my life. I was imprisoned by the stuff, so to break free of those shackles thanks to the wake up calls from my body and the love and wisdom shown by Serge Benhayon and the Way of The Livingness is just the best thing.
Spot on Matts: “For me it seems very strange to put something into our bodies that makes us ill, flat and tired the next day – it doesn’t make any sense, so giving up alcohol for me was a no brainer.” – it is a no-brainer, but it still takes a strong person to say no to something that is paraded and encouraged in our world. Amazing stand to take and a beautiful example to give to others that shows that there is indeed a choice in the matter.
Very true and to stand against the norm is no mean feat for most of humanity, I wonder where this incredible need comes from – the need to fit in no matter what the cost. Where have we left ourselves for that to occur – and on such a large scale?
From people I’ve spoken to, almost no one enjoys the taste of alcohol or cigarettes, yet we override our senses and push through what our body is innately telling us is not right.
I stopped drinking alcohol many years ago now, but will always the remember the strong message my body gave me every time a drank. With the first sip that I took I would get a flashing pain in 2 points either side of my chest , just below my collarbone. These energy centres alway reacted strongly to my ingesting alcohol.
It is always interesting how we bastardise words! When having a shot of something to warm your insides when it is cold, is the burning sensation that now has a pleasant sounding effect!
Giving up alcohol was easy for me as I was never a big drinker and at one point I just felt I didn’t like how yuk I felt the next day, and what a wasted day that was…… Actually I found it harder to give up sugar, but that’s another story… What is so clear in this blog, is that the body knows what it can and cannot have, and it gives us clear messages and signals like the knife in your Kidneys Matts. Listening to our bodies is key, and for me has been life changing in all the new choices I have made to self care and self nurture.
Alcohol is the adult version of a dummy.
Oh oh – direct, nothing held back, and spot on! And so are cigarettes too.
Drinking (smoking, potting) the way into instant ‘friendship’. This is all that is required. What really matters is what we can do together with another one. That is the reason why one is liked by another one. Drink-mates. This is what you become. Friendship is a different creature. It is about being, about commiting to a relationship, moving in togetherness.
A very clear message from your body to let you know that alcohol was not supporting you in anyway… and many of those message for years,headaches, sickness, exhaustion, mood swings, food craving you name it and I still carried on, until I stopped. I stopped because my self-love and care became greater than my self sabotage…It has been so incredibly supportive for my health.
I have learnt that by stopping a habit and a behaviour that really didn’t do me any favours at all is the best thing I have ever done. What I am also learning is to not judge others for doing so or feeling uncomfortable around those that are. Being so sure of why it is the best thing that I have done and appreciating my body for this can only inspires those around me.
What a blessing your body spoke so loud and clear to you in regards to consuming alcohol. Our bodies are just so awesome in letting us know what we do to it is loving or not and it is always honest. That is the simple part. What is more complicated is if we choose to listen to what our bodies tell us.
Well said Adele. Our bodies are always honest – but, are we honest about what our body is telling us?
What you describe Matts in terms of a knife cutting into our kidneys is brilliant – a revelation of the fact that we give ourselves away to an energy that feeds off our life-source well before we actually take the first sip of alcohol if that is what we choose to do. I would venture to say, that we would all have felt this even if we stuffed that feeling down trying to fit in and conform in order to be recognised and liked by our peers, as we desperately long to be loved.
‘So instead of listening to my body, I drank to fit in.’ – It is interesting isn’t it, that this is probably the reason that all people start to drink alcohol, and then eventually it becomes something we just do, a habit, to keep fitting in and/or to keep numbing ourselves.
Yes and the question still remains – how come we feel we need to fit in and do things we feel in the beginning are so not us, are so not feeling great – and yet we override us to fit in with the crowd …
It makes me laugh reading this article and down all the comments to see how many of us didn’t actually like the taste of alcohol when we first tasted it. We can all say it’s a poison etc but if at the first point we try it we don’t actually like it then we can see the reason we started drinking and keep drinking has nothing really to do with the actually substance itself. It has more to do with what’s going on around it. I remember people saying it’s an ‘acquired taste’ and so what are we ‘acquiring’ and from where? If there are all the facts and experiences around alcohol and we are still choosing it, this shows there is more to alcohol then just a poison drink. Whether it be to look cool, fit it, needing the sugar, drowning your sorrows etc it’s up to us all to see. Alcohol doesn’t make sense and it never did but there is something selling us a picture. Become aware of what you are being sold is the answer to leaving alcohol behind, you can never just hit it from ‘it’s not good for you’.
This notion of seeming ‘confidence’ is one sold en masse to justify many socially dysfunctional behaviours such as drinking or perhaps taking drugs and one warranting great and careful reflection. Are we truly feeling and living confidence when we are not with out selves or in touch with our bodies at all? When we use a substance to check-out and give us an alternate reality and where we need to ingest something harmful to us that our body tells us loudly does not agree with us and then seeks to expel? Is this confidence or plain recklessness and irresponsibility? Worth considering.
“Now when I go out to restaurants or clubs, which is a bit more seldom than before, I have a glass of water and enjoy the food and the people.” The simplicity and joy of drinking water is an amazing place to be in ones life and allows true appreciation of everything to a heightened level and contentment.
Great point Matts, we think we are more confident when we drink but actually we are just more numb and most of the time we talk rubbish, thinking we are having an in depth conversation. I know this from my own experience of many drunken nights talking verbal diarrhoea, sad thing is that because the person you are talking to is so drunk they do not notice.
Drinking alcohol gives people a false sense of connection with others. Alcohol takes the edge of life and people’s stresses – temporarily and people ‘let their hair down’ after a few drinks. But all it really does is change our perception of what is going on.
Stopping drinking was the best thing I ever did for my body and my mental health.
This coming Friday is the worst day of the year for A&E and the emergency services… the last Friday before Christmas. The office parties where alcohol runs freely and without being judgmental… people do such real dumb things. Why do we do this? As many here had already said why do we celebrate with excessive amounts of something that will deny us of the memory of it, with the exception of maybe a few stitches?
I totally understand why people have such an affinity with alcohol and why it is such a strong reliever of pressure, and a way to let go. Yet what I found when I drank was that this didn’t really actually occur but instead would just make me feel sick, and sometimes disturbed by blackouts I had and what may have occurred. I can also remember the level of exhaustion that a hangover brought as my body struggled to deal with the huge amounts of sugar that is found in alcohol. So alcohol is a default and it is a personal decision, but I feel it is also important we are straight on about what it does, it contains a poison to the body, hence the hangovers, it is linked to 7 cancers, so it is a strong carcinogen, and it has been responsible for huge amounts of antisocial behaviour and domestic violence. This is the context we need to put drinking in and not avoid our role in staying healthy and avoiding both sickness and antisocial behaviour.
‘it seems very strange to put something into our bodies that makes us ill, flat and tired the next day’ – I agree Matts, however we have developed varying pictures and levels of tolerance in regards to what ‘ill’ or ‘tired’ really means. For a lot of people the negative effects of alcohol aren’t seen as ‘all that bad’, and this is why it’s so important to re-establish what feeling truly well means and looks like.
How many messages are we receiving from our bodies that we usually dont take the time to listen to ? sometimes they are loud and clear and others are more subtle, but in the end the body always gets its message across.
It is astounding the number of times I have started a new hobby, behaviour or routine because I liked the sense of ‘confidence’, connection’, ‘purpose’ or ‘fun’ I imagined I got from it. But more and more I am realising that all of these are qualities for me to build from within me, and whenever I rely on something external of me to give me what I think I need, either that item itself or my relationship with it is false and disempowering. And sooner or later I will get my own equivalent of your back pain telling me so.
Alcohol robs us of truly having fun, it puts a dullness on us and a slimy energy, it’s as if in society all of the things which has been accepted as good and normal are actually those that make us less – why is it that a child can have so much fun without any artificial stimulants but as adults we can’t live the same?
We use alcohol as a medicine as we use so many other things to medicate ourselves. And this way of living our life we accept as ok and as normal. But as you show Matts this is not a normal state of being for our body, so in order to get a feeling and understanding what is truly good/normal for us listening to our bodies is a very good start and then being guided by them and abiding to their natural rhythm will become more natural with every step more.
I used alcohol for a period of time in my life for the false confidence effect and to totally check out and feel numb. That was many years ago now hearing the energetic effects alcohol has on us was enough for me to do my own experimenting with it and see and feel the true energetic effects and haven’t consumed it since.
It’s amazing how in retrospect you notice things you didn’t or didn’t want to notice at the time. I remember getting a very very sore neck when I drank vodka when I was younger, like a muscle soreness. I knew it was the vodka because it didn’t happen any other time. Back then I just figured I had some allergic reaction, so I replaced it by training my self to like beer. How crazy is that? I eventually decided alcohol was pointless and that I really didn’t need it to fit in and was so relieved to give it up, because I really didn’t enjoy the taste!
What is about us people that we actually all don’t like drinking alcohol when we first drink it, yet we’ll all push through what we feel. Even when the body’s protesting very obvious? Aren’t we to really investigate and educate each other and our lovely children and teenagers about the difference between disregard and love. No one taught me when I was young. Luckily my parents prevented me from leaving myself too much. But this always came with a lot of discussion, rather than a profound dialogue of what actually was really going on inside of me.
I can also feel that I would use alcohol to boost my self-confidence and ever since I have come to the understanding of being self-loving my self esteem and thus my confidence has no need for a boost. Thank you Matts for sharing this valid point that has allowed me to bring a deeper understanding of what I used to use as a crutch.
I never really went down the alcohol route, exercise was my drug of choice and I used daily.
Yes I can relate to the exercise part too in part – as I have used it a lot even if not daily. And not in gentleness either. This is now changing and work in progress.
It is incredible that we have got to a point where it is considered ‘normal’ to drink alcohol, yet it is a poison to the body. One has to question the underlying reason as to why this very fact why this is not written on the bottles of alcohol like we see the warning signs on cigarette packets? Could it be that as a society we are so reliant on alcohol as a way of numbing, checking out and not taking responsibility?
Gosh, especially in my teenage years, I don’t dare consider how many times I overrode what my body was telling me, just to fit in. There was no question of choosing to be different, to go against the trend and stand out – this would have been social suicide! And yet now, I cannot imagine going against myself and how I feel to this degree as it would hurt so much. It is super important that young people get to hear stories like yours, Matts.
Aren’t our bodies amazing, they communicate to us at times loud and clear, but we do not take heed to their warnings or communication and override it because we want the vice that offers us a moment of relief, relief from what, relief from ourselves because we live dishonestly every time we go against our bodies, which is going against ourselves, and what is best for us, so we can live a full and vital life. Why would we choose this, to not be responsible and deal with life and clean up our mess. E.g look at the impact of alcohol, we have domestic violence, fights, people being punched and killed in a drunken fight, teenagers drinking themselves till they blank out and then they are vulnerable, where young girls are raped etc etc. then we justify alcohol as its okay for some because we only have a few glasses… the ones that really get anything out of it are the companies that produce the alcohol and high profits made.
When people drink alcohol, they change. Social drinkers will say they feel less inhibited, more confident, have more fun, etc and others become aggressive, emotional and violent. This says a lot about this substance that is freely available to anyone over 18 yrs (and often easily available to younger people). The fact that it affects people in different ways says that its affect is physiological…you could go as far as to say that it is a ‘mind-altering drug’. But for now, it is seen by the mind as a socially acceptable drink that takes the edge off life, rather than the poison it is to our bodies.
It’s so great that your body showed you so clearly that it didn’t want alcohol. Well done to you for listening! I’m sure so many people override the signals.
My experience is that many feel that they would like to not drink but it’s like a wave that everybody rides that say you got to drink. We need more of us non drinkers to show those that still do it “just because” that it’s way cooler to be straight (sober) and have fun and wake up the next day feeling yum.
When we listen to our bodies we know exactly what to do but sometimes it takes a little while to fully accept and let go of what can be very ingrained habits and behaviours especially ones that we rely on to numb us and stop us feeling what we need to feel. Alcohol is such an accepted form of numbness that it is everywhere, enticing us to return to it until such time as you did Matts, and that you no longer had any desire to put something into your body that made you feel less loving and dis-connected to everyone around you.
It is great that you were able to listen to your body like that. Mine had to shout louder and louder before I listened and stopped drinking. I finally decided that I didn’t like having a bad tasting mouth and a burning sensation in my stomach area the morning after. I also figured out it was not so great to feel lethargic, fuzzy headed and bloated and a few other things like that. But what really turned things around for me was how clean, clear and lovely I felt when I didn’t drink so why would I want all the other stuff?
I have always found ‘giving up’ to be an odd way to describe stopping drinking or smoking because when you look at it we are not actually giving up anything worth having.
I used to say quitting smoking and drinking was easy… I had stopped many times, does sleeping count? The easiest way to stop is never start! Unless slow suicide was your purpose in the beginning?
Its crazy how even when we know our body isn’t going to like what we are about to put in it, we still go ahead and drink, eat or even smoke and then regret it when we pay for the conseuqences the next day. I had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol as a young adult, and then again in my mid forties, and it wasn’t until I understood how much I changed when I drank, and what this felt like thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that I was able to see and feel it for what it is. By allowing myself to feel the consequences of drinking alcohol in my own body for myself, I reached a point of no return and have not regretted it for one moment.
Great article Matts. I too experience this now, ‘Now when I go out to restaurants or clubs, which is a bit more seldom than before, I have a glass of water and enjoy the food and the people.’ I used to think that I had to drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes to have a good time, after many years of getting sick from this I finally quit alcohol and cigarettes and I now go out and have herbal tea or a soft drink and do not miss at all the feeling from alcohol, I am much more confident in myself and love this natural confidence, I accept myself more and so feel like I can be myself and socialize without the need of an artificial stimulant.
Well said Matts, alcohol and the human body are not designed to work together – chemically alcohol is a poison – so why do we drink and even celebrate drinking? what do we get out of it? Like you said the feeling of fitting in and letting go of inhibitions is there but at what expense? How many times do we have to vomit or wake up feeling like we have been run over by a bus to realise that maybe, just maybe this ‘drink’ we have taken is actually harming the body, our body. Once we come to this realisation it is then no longer a question of giving up alcohol as it does not become a choice at all. Because how can you give something up you know is a poison to your body and would not have knowing the love you are. So, for me anyways, it is about embracing the love that I am and then naturally no part of me is drawn towards substances like alcohol.
Drinking is the potion Dr Jekyll drank… to became Hyde!
Totally relate to that Steve – as we all have observed people changing into something they are not, right? Including ourselves too – how often have we said or heard ‘ i was beside myself’, ‘ i can’t believe I did that’ , ‘ I don’t know what came over me’ etc etc … just shows the Hyde side …
” I love being around people and I love the connection with them, but when alcohol was present that loving connection was out the door and that was also one of the reasons I quit drinking, side by side with the following incidents.”
Once again i return to this same and very pertinent point Matts, drinking is considered a social activity yet in truth when i reflect on my past experiences, as you have, i see what a false platform it is, an arena that completely negates you being you, and encourages a dependence on temporary relief.
I absolutely love waking up every morning feeling my gorgeous self, ready to start the day. Unlike in my drinking days when I often felt quite depressed, and sometimes quite unwell, as my body tried to process all the alcohol I’d consumed. On a deeper level was the hurt from being rejected – that I’d chosen to abuse myself in such a way, rather than choosing just to be with me.
I agree Alison, waking up feeling what I have brought to my self with the understanding that I am responsible for how I feel and what form that takes is amazing. What a great sharing Alison, and I have an understanding of what you have shared, ‘about hurts and being rejected’ so could you please expand on what you have presented?
When I chose not to drink alcohol anymore, it caused a lot of dis-ease amongst some of my friends, there were many comments about my ‘not being any fun anymore’. Maybe the reaction was more to do with the fact that I was showing there is another way to be with each other when we meet and go out together. Exposing that myth that we like to hang onto to justify our drinking. We always have a choice, we can choose to be loving with our selves and care for our bodies, or not. We can choose to address whatever issues we may have and support our selves in resolving them, or use alcohol, or something else, to numb how we are feeling in that moment, but nothing changes, our issues are still there and until we resolve them, they stay with us every minute of every day, whether we choose to feel them or not.
I wonder how many people drink to fit in even when they don’t really like it. I know I did and I hated drinking. I hated not feeling me and the fear of loss of control. Conversely I also liked the arrogance and stupid stuff I got up to, the seeming connection with others also drinking. I choose to drink because I craved connection and no-one seemed to talk about things I cared about so I wasn’t prepared to either. I was hurt by a lot of things at the time but couldn’t dare be honest about these things with another so drinking was the best next thing but I knew it wasn’t the intimacy I craved and I have no doubt many, many others have felt/feel this way too.
To get very real and honest is the first step to ceasing the behaviour.
Matts this is why your section in your blog about how the alcohol was affecting you with the lower back pain is important to note.
‘Alcohol’, a poisonous substance that is imbibed worldwide, in order for us to temporarily not feel the constant pain that we are in, caused by our separation from the truth of who we are.
When poison is our choice of medicine, we have some serious work to do.
If we but only would dare to feel how people feel when they drink alcohol (even it is just one glass), we would very soon realise how damaging and disconnecting alcohol in fact is. I actually don’t like being at parties, events or coming togethers where people drink. I used to be one of them, but as I now know the damage this has done to myself and others, I regret that I’ve not been educated on this fact. We’re so loved, literally from all angles in life, yet we do a lot to avoid feeling the fact. Drinking alcohol is one of them. Isn’t it crazy, drinking alcohol is socially accepted, yet a hard drug when it comes to scientific research.
Matts principles also work for quite heavy drinkers – once we deal with why we drink, alcohol becomes a poisonous burden on our body as the need for it is gone and our body will show us that.
I really over did alcohol when I was younger, whilst working abroad I remember having months where I was drunk every night, then all off a sudden it became very clear I could not carry on like that, I started to feel really wired after drinking, I would get paranoid and feel really low. Once I clocked it was the alcohol I stopped it and now have not drunk for around ten years. My life is hugely better for not drinking and for improved health, wellbeing and vitality I would recommend anyone to do the same. At the end of the day Alcohol is so not worth it.
This has also been what I have found Samantha; I gave up drinking alcohol 24 years ago and have not looked back. When it is time for anyone to give up just take note of what you feel for yourself after a few short days of not drinking? I also found peer pressure was immense as every one else wanted to not feel the reason why they was drowning their sorrows!
It’s actually very strange that drinking alcohol is considered normal by most people, and that people consider anyone who doesn’t drink to be strange or abnormal. Alcohol is a substance that poisons the body, so why would anyone question why someone does not want to drink?
I know for me, alcohol was never something I wanted to drink and that was not a hard choice at all -what was hard was standing up to all the people who got very upset, angry or pushy when they discovered that I didn’t drink. It was like my choice to not drink made them very uncomfortable, because it makes their choice to drink very obvious, without judgement or criticism, but it offers a reflection of another choice where previously there isn’t one.
I never liked drinking alcohol as I knew I was harming myself but it never crossed my mind not to as I wanted to fit in and I felt like I needed a drink at the end of the day to take the edge off the way I had been living.
Alcohol and myself have always had an interesting relationship, one where I knew the truth of alcohol was not for me from young but then I overrode this truth. I decided to make alcohol one of my escapes my way of “coming out” to the world – yet the pain it caused me far outweighed any benefits. Today I look back with not an ounce of my body wanting to consume any alcohol – its interesting how we condition ourselves to consume things that harm us and that by choosing more care and love we dissolve that conditioning.
Alcohol has been spruced up to look great and that it is the only way to chill out and have some fun with your friends and family. Once I started to listen as every time I drank I didn’t feel great and the body certainly told me so the next day. Being around alcohol as I work in hospitality I have seen more things for face value and it has only confirmed everything I started to allow myself to see after all those years of giving it a damn good go. Our bodies always know what works with it in harmony and what doesn’t, to get to a point where we respect and honour this is a journey were are all on.
“When I was younger no one really questioned why you drank (except from my mum, bless her) but why you didn’t drink, as if drinking alcohol is normal.” I never thought about this but it is strange that people ask why you do not drink, as if it is abnormal when you do not drink alcohol. Having to justify why we are not putting a poison into our bodies, it really should be the other way around.
I think deep down we miss living a life that is true and to avoid being reminded of that we drown it with alcohol. Something like that… unfortunately many defend drinking it saying that it’s good and all of that but that is actually the alcohol speaking through that person. So the hooking ability of alcohol is very strong. Thanks for the comment Mary!
If we seek a known poison for relief in life, how poisonous must our way of living be…?
Alcohl was never an issue for me, but I still drank a glass of wine for certain occasions or had a cocktail whilst meeting with friends. Like italian cofee this had a certain lifestyle flavour, to do me something good, to be part of the party, to relax after a hard working day. Since about 5 years I do not drink any alcohol at all and only then I was able to feel what a disturbing consequence alcohol had when I drank it in the past.
Matts, this is amazing how you had the sensitivity to feel that your kidneys were being affected first by drinking and then by just holding a drink in your hand and by even thinking about it – I know this can sound crazy or far fetched to some people, but I do know that when I have felt certain things just as strongly in my body, it is like a call so loud it cannot be ignored, in fact it is undeniable and so there is a heeding of this call that is totally natural no matter what another may think or say! I say such a connection with the body is to be celebrated! Thank you Matts again for this blog – which I have enjoyed reading and re-reading now a few times!
Hangovers make it very obvious that alcohol is a poison, yet we still glorify it as something that society uses to unwind, connect to each other and have fun. Not so intelligent.
Nothing intelligent about a hang over and why is it that we consume and resume time and time again. More here to ponder on when we look at the root of the behaviour.
As you’ve shared Matts, people are questioned when they don’t drink, but why is something that has such obvious toxic effects on the body be our standard of ‘normal’, and choosing to not poison ourselves ‘strange’?
I was recently at a work function where 99% of people were drinking…it was going to be a big night. I was there because I 100% wanted to connect with my colleagues and so I made that my intention. As the night went on, the alcohol was flowing and by about 11pm I made a quiet exit. The next morning I was up early and went for a walk and came back to people coming down for breakfast. I felt really fresh and awake from a good, alcohol-free night’s sleep and an early walk…most other people looked very rough. I remember those days when I used to drink. But these days, not only will I not put myself through something that is going to make me feel ill, but I actually have more fun without alcohol. Plus I don’t wake up in the morning not remembering the conversations from the night before.
Lack of confidence and self worth has many faces and I remember I always wanted to drink red wine as I thought it looked very sophisticated and cultured. Observing those moments now it is clear that alcohol becomes a crutch that gives false confidence. Drinking alcohol, taking drugs, smoking are all screens to hide behind. The moment I choose to start to go deeper, to bring self-care and a healthy diet into my life I began to no longer seek anything that separated me from the essence and stillness I have come to know is ‘me’. Truly claiming ourselves means there is no room for anything that alters who we are or anything that dulls and leaves us in disconnection.
It is amazing how your body told you so clearly Matts that it wasn’t happy, and I am sure we all have some sort of reaction to substances we take into the body which do not agree with us. Personally I remember smoking more clearly than alcohol, but unlike you the reaction did not result in stopping, at least not straight away – one day I was really upset about a chap I was dating and started to smoke but realised in that moment that I was turning to the cigarettes to feel better and could become addicted, so I decided not to smoke again.
At college I had friends and we used to drink together, but when they moved on and there was no one to drink with, drinking just didn’t do it for me. This reminds me of how it’s not the alcohol we want it’s the connection to others, but rather than deal with our issues that are closing us down to others we artificially open ourselves up. But in this the quality that we truly wanted (the connection) is not there in that drunken state.
There are many reasons why we choose to drink and none of them involve consideration of our bodies. A lot needs to change with the media, alcohol companies, advertising and what we are willing to accept as normal, before our bodies stop being subjected to this poison.
When we open ourselves to truly feeling what happens to and within our bodies when we drink alcohol, we feel the true poison it is. It is only when we get to this level of honesty can we change our behaviour in relationship with alcohol.
It is interesting how we get together to self-harm ourselves. We do it collectively and feel that doing it together is really being together. It is an arrangement to abuse. This is all that it is. What we enjoy is the fact that we are all doing it together. That is why when you stop sharing that, you realise that there was never a friendship there; not real bond but bondage
Matts, thanks for sharing your experience of drinking alcohol, it is amazing how clear our bodies can be when something is not good for us and incredible how much we can override these signs. This is something that I noticed very clearly recently when I went on a rare night out, ‘when alcohol was present that loving connection was out the door’, I observed how at the beginning of the night before drinking alcohol had started, how the conversations I was having with people were clear, made sense and I felt very connected with those I was speaking with, then after a while I noticed as people started drinking that their eyes looked tired, the same things were being repeated and conversations felt more emotional, so it felt like time to leave, this was with no judgment, simple observation having not been drinking alcohol.
We have accepted alcohol as a part of everyday life, that we need a drink to wind down to de-stress us and make us feel better. In the 80’s and 90’s it was normal for us to go to the pub at lunch time from work and again in the evening. Alcohol was the centre point around which we socialised and it set the scene to make alcohol an everyday accepted drink.
Well said Alison, alcohol is the centre point for a lot of (if not most) people to socialise around.
Whilst I stopped drinking a while ago I can’t help but stop when I read these words and see how the same non-sensical behaviour is still present in my life. Why would you fight with the woman you plan to call you wife? Why shut out other people you meet? Why try to dissect life through knowledge in your head? When every experience shows you this doesn’t work? It’s clear there is an addictive pattern to this just like drinking. So it’s great to read that you stopped this habit Matts and were able to feel what drinking really does to you. I can see the same is possible if I just stop and feel these other things too.
Hey Matts. I too have given up drinking and I can relate to when you say that you are a morning person and drinking really set you
Up to not be able to do anything the next morning. That was a big reason for me stopping drinking – the next day felt like a true reflection of what it did to the body. I also like how you share about your kidney pains as that’s a pretty clear message from
Your body!
I was like you Matts, in that I never liked the taste of alcohol or in fact being around people who were drinking, but after many years of not drinking I began to drink not everyday and not a lot, but nevertheless it was to ‘fit in’. After many more years I decided to go with what I truly wanted and that was to not drink and I felt like I had had weight lifted from me. Now I choose to simply be me in whatever situation and I don’t feel the need to try and fit in when it goes against my own truth.
Unsurprisingly, I didn’t like the taste of alcohol initially, it’s toxic and my body reacted accordingly. However, I overrode it’s wisdom and used my knowledge of wine to get recognition and feel comfortable in any social situation. The first time I heard Serge Benhayon speak about the effects of alcohol I didn’t want to believe him, yet I knew he was telling the truth. Within 7 months I had completely given up, knowing without any shadow of doubt that I would never drink again. It was not a hard choice, it felt so amazing to be alcohol free, at last I was truly choosing to nurture and listen to my body.
Unfortunately, many young people truly believe that they need alcohol to have a good time, the drinking culture is very strong in Australia and the amount that is the accepted norm seems to increase year on year, as do the alcohol related admission to our hospitals.
I have also felt these pains in my lower back when I have been around people drinking alcohol and I have also awoken the next day with a passive hangover. It didn’t take long to pass and was quite a shock the first time it happened. I am now aware of how important it is to stay connected with yourself when other energies are at play.
It is odd that we regard drinking alcohol as a ‘social essential’ and I know that it was many people’s question when they found out I had quit drinking it, as if it’s impossible to enjoy our selves stone cold sober. However now I can attest to the fact that not only is it very possible to enjoy yourself without having consumed a single drop of alcohol (or any other mind and body altering substance) it is actually a thousand times better as my body feels so well and vital, I always have much more energy to enjoy my self with, as do all my friends.
Matts you are spot on when you say that the confidence that drinking provides is a very false confidence. Alcohol is a very crass substance that provides people with a false notion that it helps us to connect and feel, when in fact, it does the opposite. To know the truth of whether or not alcohol does shut down connection and feeling, we only need to take a peek at the centuries worth of absolutely terrible choices that we have all made whilst being under the influence of alcohol.
A great sharing Matts. People will always say that having alcohol opens them up in a social situation and they really believe that this is the case! I wonder what their interactions would be like if they truly expressed from their hearts instead and with the good of all as their focus.
Its great that you shared the actual physical signs you were getting when drinking alcohol, particularly with your kidneys as things like this are not openly discussed, they may be felt at the time but then ignored. As you said it took three times and a really sharp pain to make you finally really notice and make a choice not to drink anymore.
I agree Vicky – we brush off the vomiting, headaches, nausea and dizzy effects that alcohol produces as normal – but to hear another symptom that is so isolated and direct is a great marker to how alcohol works in the body. And the fact that Matts felt this effect upon simply opening a bottle before drinking it shines light on the energetics at play.
I find it fascinating how many people share that they hated alcohol when they first tasted it but forced themselves to like it because they wanted to ‘fit in’. I was one of these too and I considered myself to be an intelligent person yet I didn’t even consider questioning why I did this or why I felt the need to do what others were doing even though it was going against what my body was telling me. My body and I were both very pleased when I finally gave up this ridiculous socially accepted habit.
Amazing blog Matts, thank you for sharing your experience with such openness and honesty. I am sure many, many people can relate to your article, especially with regards to the reasons for choosing to consume alcohol, this is probably the most common reason: ‘to fit in’. I remember when I was introduced to alcohol in my teenage years, I felt exactly the same as you, the taste of alcohol was awful but a part of me really wanted to be like everyone else and to fit in. But my body was telling loud and clear that alcohol is poisonous, these messages I received from my body was simply unavoidable. My whole body was sending me massive alarm bells and I realised I had a choice, I could either to continue to harm my body and ignore its messages just to fit in or choose to listen and honour my body. Like you Matts, I chose to listen to my body because I felt it was deeply precious and definitely worth listening to than trying to fit in.
I have had that feeling with my kidneys having the sensation of the knife being pushed through – very strong and undeniable !
Such a great time of the year to appreciate that there is a choice around drinking alcohol. I’m pretty certain many people are finding they are in compromising situations where to drink alcohol is the expected activity – it is in the name of Christmas cheer, holidays, end of year celebrations. However when people are truly asked often the response is they would rather not because they feel worse in their bodies and this adds to the load they already feel.
It is crazy how we have made it the norm to be addicted to alcohol, not being alcoholics, but we are still addicted to the false confidence that it provides.
I gave up alcohol at the age of 29 the day after a party at work where I got drunk. I was late for work, didn’t feel well, returned home after an hour and said to myself “enough is enough”. I tried once more a glass of wine a couple of months later on a celebration, but I didn’t like it at all and if I remember well, I only took a few sips.
After quitting alcohol I actually noticed that even without me drinking, I actually felt my kidneys hurt (a little) after having been with friends who only drunk a little (2 beers each in a group of 4 or 5 men). For me this has been the moment that I’ve been a strong advocate of not drinking! Alcohol will be the new cigarettes. I’d rather see people smoking then drinking alcohol as the effect of alcohol has such a devastating effect on people body’s that there energy level will drop immensely as well as the energy levels of people close to them. If you look at children of parents who are alcoholic you’ll notice how they (usually) look very tired. No wonder, as the energetic fact is that our life force which resides in our kidneys is taken from firstly the one who’s drinking and secondly from the people (living) close to him / her. A factor that can easily be felt, but as we do everything to avoid the existence of our sixth sense, the people who share the truth are often set aside.
Ask any child how they feel and think about people (especially their father and mother) drinking alcohol. The honesty and simplicity in which they talk to me is very, very touching. I regret that no one educated me from young. I just followed my peers. As this is what you do when you’re in your teens.
Matts your experience here “I could feel something in my kidneys before I even started drinking but this time it felt as if someone literally put a knife straight into my physical kidney” is exactly the same as mine, not only did it confirm to me what drinking does to my body but it shows how energy happens before the physical i.e. the intention and motion towards drinking meant my kidneys were affected even before I started to drink.
What will be the end result of an action that is based on a fake or false confidence? It lays the foundation for what comes next like the date, relationship etc and then I will have to deal with the situation built on a falsity. We might say that it just helped to make the first contact and that afterwards it doesn´t matter anymore, but how can that be when in truth nothing can be left behind but is taken with us? If we were to explore with honesty and energetic discernment every step after the introductory phase done under the influence of alcohol that we would find traces or ripples of the falsity disturbing the quality of the relationship that would need to be cleared.
Giving up alcohol was easy because it was something I never liked the taste of in the first place!
It was easy once I was spending more time loving myself, the more love I had for myself the less able to abuse myself with alcohol.
Giving up alcohol is easy when we feel the impact on our bodies and how it truly makes us feel. What I found significant and interesting when I had given up alcohol was that those around me were more uncomfortable with me not drinking than I was! Its almost like they know they should give it up too but choose not to, and when someone else does, it confronts them with their choices and the reasons why they choose to continue.
Alcohol and what it did to my body and how it made me feel was never good. People always look back and say it was good times and just what you did to ‘learn’ life. But I say to them from my experience once you have a true marker of what it feels like to have Joy in the body you look back at that life and see it as a waste of a life.
It is interesting that for a lot of people alcohol is an integral part of ‘having a good time’, whilst in truth having alcohol is anything but having a good time, as our bodies and awareness are compromised, our ability to relate and connect to another is greatly reduced and the ability to feel ourselves, our joy and amazingness is diminished. The only reason people can call that fun is because they have forgotten how they can feel when they lovingly care for themselves and others.
Matts, great article, thanks for sharing this. ‘When I was younger no one really questioned why you drank (except from my mum, bless her) but why you didn’t drink, as if drinking alcohol is normal.’ Alcohol seems so socially acceptable that if you do not drink you are the ‘odd one out’ and as a non drinker I get very strange looks when I say I don’t drink alcohol and lots of questions as to why I don’t. I am fine now with all of the questions and strange looks but when I first stopped drinking I found this hard. Surely it should be the other way round and people saying ‘why do you drink alcohol’ because it is so harmful for the body.
The choice to drink is individual but perhaps our least socially acceptable manners are those that tease or ridicule those who choose not to drink and put peer pressure on anyone who does not. We need an approach to alcohol that soberly knows the facts around the harm, and accepts those who make the health choice to abstain. As a non drinker I don’t enjoy being in the company of people drinking, but I don’t comment that they should stop drinking, so there is no reason a drinker should comment on someone who isn’t.
We are more resistant to dealing with our issues and hurts than we are to putting up with physical pain or discomfort. Crazy!
Well put and so crazy indeed. The thought monsters appear that tell us it’s alright, and then oh boy – do they do their monstrous things in the wake of that craziness…
The pressure to drink is enormous…when I was out with friends and didn’t want to drink it made those who did want to drink uncomfortable! To stop feeling uncomfortable they tried to encourage me as much as possible to have one.
Speaks for itself doesn’t it – they became uncomfortable because you didn’t drink. It is actually saying that they know it is not good for them and if one says ‘no thank you’, it is indirectly asking them to reflect on their next choice.
Giving up alcohol is easy… the friends and lifestyle that was part of it is the real challenge!
I can understand that Steve, and if they are true friends they will and can accept that it is ok to not drink yet still have a lovely time with them. What I find hard is that when they drink it becomes difficult after a while to be around that energy as everything seems to change, voices, laughs, behaviour, conversations…
For the first time I went to a nightclub sober and I found it really sad how much men used alcohol to feel confident enough to speak to women.
Thank you Matts for sharing such a powerful message through your story, one that I certainly can relate to. When I first started to drink alcohol I too hated the taste, it smelt and tasted like poison to me and the smell alone made my stomach turn. I can remember asking myself ‘how was I going to do this?’ as I already had decided that it was not an option to say ‘no’ because I thought that fitting in at that point was way more important. And so I drank for many years in varying degrees until it came to the point, as with you, that my body was calling for me to review my choice to drink. I again returned to feeling nauseousness at the smell but pushed through until one night after half a glass of wine I felt so sick that I felt like I was severely poisoned. I woke with the worst screaming hangover and decided to never drink again. What I have realised is that our bodies are forever guiding us to know what is true, for us to live with vitality, clarity and the true enjoyment of being ourselves, and aiming to fit in simply does not fulfil or pay off in the end.
Starting to drink alcohol was like a rite of passage…everyone did it. All the adults around me drank and it was easy to get hold of even as a 14 year old. It seemed like everyone was having a great time when they drank – parties, lots of laughter, drinks flowing, people getting tipsy, dancing – it did look like fun. But this is far from what was really going on. On the outside everyone looked like they were having fun, but on the inside there were troubled marriages, men who were overworked and stressed taking on the role of ‘breadwinner’ and women feeling unappreciated. Alcohol can mask but it cannot change what is going on.
Alcohol has been normalised so much that it is accepted more or less everywhere. People celebrate being ‘cancer free’ with a glass of champagne, it is used as an end of week relief with Friday afternoon drinks in workplaces, you can have a drink on a plane trip at anytime of the day. Alcohol is dressed up in advertising by having gorgeous looking men and women (mostly women) being associated with it. Sporting clubs are sponsored by alcohol companies. And the list goes on. How insidious is it that a known poison can be dressed up to look like something desirable and normal.
It’s great to be honest with ourselves about why we do not feel confident in social settings rather than resorting to ‘dutch courage’, not only disconnecting from our bodies but harming them.
Thanks for sharing Matts – it’s so interesting to observe and hear how our bodies communicate in so many different ways, and see how clear the messages are in response to how we look after ourselves!
You only have to be the only sober person at a party where everyone is drinking to see the truth behind alcohol and what it really does to and for us.
Ah, the designated driver, It was like self-flagellation when we had to miss out on; being legless, making a fool of ourselves, doing embarrassing things we will deny doing and disrespecting our shoes. I have been in both camps in the past, and I still have friends ask if I miss it!
I know how I sometimes feel what my body is telling me yet choose to justify what the mind is saying. It’s completely crazy as it is always the body that plays catch up with the consequences.
Alcohol, as so many other drugs are just ‘supportive’ in avoiding reality and the tension we feel when we do not live in a true way, which means, not living in accordance to our call. It is more easy to give up on it when we at first choose to be aware of what life is asking us for and say yes to it. Looks like you have chosen to be aware before Matts as you did not like to drink alcohol at first. Now your choice is confirmed.
How unfortunate it is that we continually override the wisdom of the body in favour of the so called intelligence of the mind, for by doing so it’s the body that suffers the most from our neglect and often our arrogance. For you to finally listen to your body as it spoke louder and louder was such a wise decision as I feel that if you hadn’t made it when you did, your body, not your mind, would have brought you to a grinding and very painful halt.
Thanks for sharing Matts. It’s true, it really doesn’t make sense to drink alcohol when it affects us so much. I gave it up long ago because I liked dancing and didn’t want to fall over while doing so! A clear head and a vital body is much more preferable.
So true Rebecca and when you think of the ripple effect of alcohol collectively on the world around us as illustrated by the statistics of domestic violence and violence in general, alcohol related accidents and health related effects such as liver disease it is very sobering indeed.
How lovely it is to go out and enjoy the people you are with as the focus, rather than having the ‘night out’ and all it usually entails! I love to do it this way round, it feels so great.
Matts, the way your body spoke to you was quite something, it’s whether we are prepared to listen to the messages we are being given or to continue to override them that counts.
It is incredible when we listen to our body, it communicates to us constantly and choosing to be aware of this supports to in every way.
It is awesome support – and I notice it comes faster and faster what the body wants to tell me – either way 😉
I remember trying beer when I was very young, 7 or 8 years old perhaps and was quite shocked at how revolting the taste was. I liked the concept of the bubbles at the top of a beer so tried these but even the bubbles tasted bitter and nothing like as inviting as they looked. Fast forward to my teens and I got used to the taste, initially I think we mixed it with lemonade to make it palatable and pretty quickly the shandy became beer, cider etc., all to fit in with what everyone else was doing.
I love your story Matts. I was never conscious of my body enough at those times to notice anything about my kidneys or anywhere else- much more pre-occupied with my thoughts of how I felt closed off and in protection and how I craved this to change. I used to always drink a small amount also to be social. I seemed to feel more ‘brave’ and ‘open’ when I drank a small amount. But after a while I started to notice something. Whenever I paused between the drinks long enough for the numbness to wear off, it seemed that with each bout of alcohol consumption my anxious thoughts seemed to have magnified and at times they verged on pure paranoia! So on the surface the alcohol was making me numb to my ill thoughts and I felt more open and social, but unbeknown to me they were actually being magnified in me by the alcohol, so when the numbness wore off I was left with a more aggressive version of the thoughts I was trying to use the alcohol rid myself off!! This was shocking and very eye opening. I was in a quandary I wanted the support to feel more open and social, but I did not want this to mean I actually shoot myself in the foot and end up in a worse place than before. It was ages before I came across Universal Medicine and was offered the true support I sought – deepening my understanding and starting to face and heal my past hurts and issues.
There have been several periods in my life where I have chosen to not drink alcohol and I have felt a lot better for it. Now I am asking the question why did I return to alcohol? It has to be the social aspect. Being persuaded by a friend or just having one drink on a special occasion . It was definitely a fitting in thing. At a wedding several years ago I was drinking water until toasting the bride where I acquiesced to a little champagne – but I remember asking myself why? Later on that year having a drink in a pub I really became aware of how my mind changed as I drank and how I became, as if, separate from my body. After a quarter of a pint (I was drinking beer) I stopped and have not had any alcohol since and it has been so freeing and empowering. I am sure my head is clearer too.
I agree Matts, there are many socially ‘normal’ behaviours and things we drink/eat which arent questioned but when they make us feel the way they should be questioned!
I wish I had listened to my body much sooner than I did! Had I realised how my life would turn around as a result of giving it up altogether, I would have. Drinking to be social is such a misnomer! We actually become less, make ourselves into someone we are naturally not in order to fit in and be liked and accepted as part of a group. That seems anti-social to me! When we can’t express from who we truly are, everyone is less. How wrong then is our ‘social’ life and society at large to actively promote drinking alcohol as normal, social behaviour?!
It’s crazy the things we inflict on our bodies like alcohol and nicotine in our attempts to ‘fit in’ with others rather than feeling what is true for us. Thank you for offering a reflection to others that there is another choice – this is much needed in society today.
I can relate to this Matts, I too had a very physical reaction to alcohol – having ‘enjoyed’ it for 25 years, all of a sudden one day it felt like someone was pouring acid straight into my brain when I took a sip of red wine, like a burning sensation. That was a really scary experience and I never touched alcohol since.
What is interesting to note here is how we judge the actions rather than stop to notice the harming signs that are given way before we even take the first sip.
Drinking alcohol was never my thing too so I found it relatively easy to give it up. No-body told me to give it up. It was a gradual process cutting back to one glass of wine when I went out and then in the year 2000 I gave it up altogether. I can remember being tempted afterwards but I kept saying ‘No’ and eventually others got used to me not drinking alcohol. When I can feel something is not true for me within my body, it creates a tension and it is this tension that supports me to question the choices I am making.
Its amazing how our minds rationalise or negate the truth being felt and loudly expressed in our bodies. A great sharing, Matts which I too can relate to.
The mind and the little ‘thought monsters’ within are so tricky, overriding often what we feel and know and the body tells us and yet we let these monsters run us??
The inherent wisdom in the body is something we continually choose to override, until it stops us with illness and disease to get our attention in full. How great that you stopped and listened to the warning signs your body gave via your kidneys and pain in your back and took action to change your lifestyle – even if it took three reminders at that point in time!
If we consider just how bad alcohol makes us feel the next day, or even at the time – it doesn’t make any sense. I never drank very much, but for me it was an excuse to express what I was holding back, silly when I never needed an excuse to express who I am.
Great point Matts, that no one questions us when we drink alcohol only when we don’t drink. it, which doesn’t really make sense because most of us do know it is a harmful substance and alters our state of being. It is like so many things in life we think a small amount is acceptable and won’t harm us but what you show here Matts is that your body was telling you before you even drank that it would hurt your kidneys. Don’t you love the body, if we are willing to listen it can show and offer us so much.
Once I had trained my body to get used to the habit of alcohol as an essential accessory to a social occasion I remember being very relieved when I had a great excuse not to drink because I was driving a car. So I wouldn’t drive my car when I had alcohol in my system but didn’t question putting alcohol in the tank of my own physical vehicle. Not so intelligent. Saying yes to living without alcohol is one of the best choices I have made.
Our bodies are such great barometers of what suits us, if and when we stop and listen to the message it’s sending us. I too had a go at drinking alcohol when I was young and went for all the sweet combinations, as I could never face drinking beer or mainstream spirits. One evening after just one sip of wine, my whole body prickled and my heart started racing madly. I really felt like I was going to die. That was enough for me and I have never touched alcohol since.
If we simply listened to our bodies the first time we drank alcohol or smoked cigarettes we would not drink or smoke again. Pressure to conform and fit in is intense and few able to resist.
yeah that is the crux of it – the pressure to conform, to be part of the group – can often override everything we know and feel within.
“For me it seems very strange to put something into our bodies that makes us ill, flat and tired the next day . . . ” That was for me the same Matts and therefore I stopped drinking alcohol 8 years ago. It was also easy for me to stopp drinking alcohol as I too didn’t want to feel so ill the next morning. So when my friends came for dinner – I served no alcohol as my home is also alcohol free. In the beginning they found it strange – but now they are use to it and they always say that they did not miss the alcohol at all.
If we all listened to our bodies’ responses to alcohol (or even the suggestion of it), no-one in their right mind would drink it. There’s no question in this, and no sense whatsoever in consuming a known poison and potential carcinogen. And so the question becomes, WHY do we, still, do so? We need to get beyond our own realisations and look at what is going on societally that its consumption is so normalised – i.e. (to put it more bluntly) that rampant self-abuse is endemically normalised. Is this not a sign that we have long given up on ourselves, and that we are not truly coping with life, let alone flourishing within it? We need to go beyond the means we are using to self-abuse, and look more deeply at why we so easily self-abuse in the first place.
It has now been about ten years since I stopped alcohol and now I can’t even stand the smell of it. I look forward to the day it becomes socially unacceptable the way smoking has become because I also like catching up with people, but if they have been drinking I can only handle it for so long until the noise gets too much and people tend to get louder and louder competing with each other.
“When I was younger no one really questioned why you drank (except from my mum, bless her) but why you didn’t drink, as if drinking alcohol is normal” – how true is this Matts, to not drink is questionable for many, as it used to be in my own world when I used to ‘enjoy a night out/dinner party with alcohol’, to today and no longer choosing to drink for more than 10 years now because of how I changed as a person under its influence, and the foggy lethargy I felt inside my body, that now to drink is questionable.
What a great description and understanding of the effects of alcohol and the way we are brought up with it to be so socially accepted even though we have to override the effects and the fact that we don’t really like it to fit in with everyone .Giving it up and your experiences is a real marker of what our body is telling us. Having never liked alcohol myself making me ill and only accepting it to be polite and join in with others at the table for a while I found that when going out with others having alcohol I would always have the symptoms of having drank it the next morning even though I did not, showing its effects are draining to everyone’s kidneys around one and our families and it is no wonder we are exhausted on a world wide scale. I am finding it such a joy to be at occasions or tables where no one is drinking and the connections and joy is highlighted and amazing to share and a true realness and depth is felt.
I did not enjoy my first tastes of alcohol yet I persevered as I felt it was the ‘proper’ thing to learn to do and it was what one did as an adult. So I taught myself to like it and became very proficient at consuming rather large quantities regularly. Although in the years to come I came to realise it was harmful and I wanted to stop, I still persevered as I now believed I really did like it. Then in my fifties after attending a couple of Universal Medicine workshops I felt so much better in myself and I preferred feeling like that than to the taste of alcohol, so I chose to no longer consume it. It is now ten years since I made that choice, I have not had one drink then and I do not miss it at all
Thank you Matts, it is quite amazing how our bodies do speak to us about the things we do to them, only like the message from your kidney, sometimes it can take a while before we pay attention and then a while longer before we bother to read it. I know that giving up alcohol sits up there with the top ten best life choices I have ever made. Cannot quite get over how great I feel now I am not swamping my liver and kidneys with poison, all that sparkle and enthusiasm for the start of the day has returned.
A great example of how the body can be super loud in letting us know what is hurting us. There is no doubt that along with the physical response… as soon as the alcohol kicks in, any connection with yourself or another is lost instantaneously… making the body well worth listening to.
How wise are our bodies? Our kidneys are our energy for life, nothing drains away life force like Alcohol. It is astounding but at the same time perfectly logical that our bodies know this wisdom and are communicating with us if we are honest enough to admit it.
I put myself through the same ‘ normalisation program’ to fit in but in looking back I can see how lost I was, I no longer honoured my true natural way and it was never to drink. Then it gave way to other behaviours that also wasn’t my true view or belief I held of how I saw myself, I generally gave up on my foundations. But fast forward and I can look back and see the insidious undermining of all I held to be true, it’s taken years to clear all the damage and reclaim me.
Its funny but nothing destroys your self-confidence like denying your own feelings and going along with the crowd to fit in. Nothing builds your confidence like acting on what you know to be true.
Our body is always communication – we just have to choose to hear.
Thank you Matts, having read your blog, I started to more deeply understand my own experience with alcohol as to I felt exactly the same incidents as you , yet did not gave it words.. Even though I always felt that seemingly so, which after being more real of what I was actually feeling made me stop drinking alcohol too, which is at a young age pretty unusual, but felt and still feels absolutely great. What is the win of drinking alcohol when we are stabbed in the back when we drink it?
It’s great the way your body was clear about what alcohol was doing to you. I found the same that while I was willingly engaged in drinking alcohol, I did not want to see the harm it was doing. You just accept that you will feel awful the next day. It was only when I started to cut it out that I was able to hear the messages from my body about how harmful it was.
Imagine if we all decided to give up alcohol, to acknowledge the fact that alcohol is a poison that kills cells. Then there would be no need to fit in or do something that many of us never wanted to do.
Alcohol is still one of those taboo subjects where I find people sometimes in Australia don’t like to hear that you don’t drink. This behaviour is not the norm and so I find there can still be a bit of disbelief when people hear that you don’t drink and sometimes they think the only reason you don’t drink is because you must be a recovering alcoholic.
It is funny that a substance that is known to be very detrimental is such a normal part of our lives.
“When I was younger no one really questioned why you drank ……..but why you didn’t drink, as if drinking alcohol is normal.” So true Matts. It’s a very odd state of affairs that someone is thought to be weird if they don’t drink alcohol and yet we know categorically that alcohol is a poison in the body. Go figure.
This is a beautiful testimonial of how the body speaks. And how it will continue to speak again and again until finally we stop and listen – the wonderful perseverance of our human frame.
I find the abundance of alcohol in every situation fascinating – from the aisles and aisles at supermarkets and social events – it’s not only the norm but the expected and so there is no consideration of whether it is something you want to do, but more something everyone just does. I know so many people who as young teenagers would say just how much they hated alcohol and the taste, and yet in a few months or years, in different circles or friends they would be drinking and saying they enjoyed it, or if they were more honest, that they needed it to have fun and let go.
My experience of alcohol disappearing from my life was pretty drastic in the way that it happened in an instant. I also was never a heavy drinker yet did like to drink a glass of champagne or two at times, and wine as well. and after I had a massive clearing and for the first time connected to the lovable being that I truly am – and this is now 15 years ago – when that occured, the very next day when I wanted to drink a glass of wine with my meal I remember lifting the glass up to my face and the smell that came from the wine, the sourness and acidity of it made my throat close up, my nose wrinkle up and I knew instantly that that was it – no more alcohol for me ever. I never even tried since then, it’s just not part of my life anymore and can’t belief I ever drank alcohol in the first place.
Great sharing Matts. Your body certainly gave you a clear and strong symbol that alcohol is a poison. My body too gave me strong signals which I ignored. I remember being asked to give the toasting speech for the sopranos at our University Choir end of year celebrations. I was very nervous about it so I drank heaps to quell the unease. I gave the speech was applauded madly and then collapsed to the floor and had to be carted home. The next day I was vomiting and sick the whole day. But this didn’t stop me drinking. It did stop me drinking to that extent and I always called it quits at three glasses of wine, but I did keep on drinking until 1999 when I had my last drink at the book launch for my latest book. Something in me could feel the falseness of the ‘high’ – the emptiness of the camaraderie , and the whole thing, so I stopped.
Matts this is a great example of how our bodies talk to us, great that you chose to honour your body and listen to it’s very subtle promptings. I too used to drink many years ago before I had children, but my body couldn’t take much alcohol, 1 drink and I was pretty tipsy. Then it got to the stage where even if I had half a glass I ended up with a headache so that was it for me. And yes, it may have given me some courage to speak more with others, but the empty feeling that is needed to choose to drink in the first place is still there. Now I am too honouring of my body to have alcohol.
Great way of the body expressing it’s comnunications Matts, and awesome that it didn’t take too long for you to hear it and take heed. 🙂
It is incredible to see what the body can show us when we are open to it. Listening to the signs is truly honoring what we in truth already know in our innate knowing of a true way to live.
It is quite extraordinary how we will continue to consume something we don’t actually like, and never have… what possesses us to continue when our bodies so clearly tell us it’s not ok?! I never liked the taste of alcohol but drank it anyway – to fit in, to be seen as ‘normal’ and didn’t have the self-confidence to stand up and say straight up, “no, I don’t like it, why would I drink something I don’t like?” Instead I found ways to consume it that made it taste ‘better,’ by adding juice, or having coffee liqueurs instead which was really about the comfort offered by the cream and the sweetness of the liqueur. So in truth it was all about the emotional need being filled rather than honouring the truth of my body.
What I find interesting is how everyone’s body has a very unique way of speaking directly to them. The message may be the same for many but the way it comes is tailor made, to me that is very advanced way of communication.
I no longer drink Alcohol anymore but my signs were of course slightly different to yours. I was very stubborn in my desire to continue to drink, so even after many hangovers that were unbearable I decided that half a shot of alcohol was going to be okay. This gave me a sense of satisfaction because I felt like I had cheated the system. When I got home from the pub that night and realized I was actually gone, I couldn’t feel how effected I was until I was in my house, a house that was full of love and the care I had begun to build for myself. I could feel something very foreign running through my blood stream and was in a panic to get it out. I now understand that it is not worth renting out the real estate that is my body to an energy or substance that is going to treat it like garbage, I would never willingly harm myself in this way now.
Thank you for sharing how you honoured the loud and clear message from your body about how it felt about alcohol. Most of us choose to override our first reaction to alcohol and train ourselves to ‘like’ it and you expose just how crazy it is to keep consuming a poison despite the clear signals we receive about the impact on our physical body as well as our moods.
For a woman to not drink alcohol, there is less questions asked compared to a MAN that does not drink alcohol. I can appreciate the challenge as a man to take the stand and say “no – I don’t drink.”. Well done Matts!
Matts, I love your simple sharing about quitting alcohol. It is true that it is so strange that people will question why you do not drink alcohol whereas it is not questioned if you do drink alcohol. I recall such a strong peer pressure especially once I arrived in Australia almost 20 years ago, and because I was not a particular fan of drinking alcohol, then I found my own ways to handle the huge peer pressure to drink – I would accept a beer bottle, and soon discretely disappear to the bathrooms with it where I proceeded to pour the beer down the sink and then fill the bottle up with tap water. This way it would appear that I was drinking alcohol all night and would be left alone and not pestered to drink. More interestingly though I can share that even though I would not have a drop of alcohol, I would always without fail, still have a hang over the next morning!!! And like you Matts, I would have a sore back! It is like hanging out with others who drank, was still affecting me as I had not learned to hold my boundaries around it! Interesting!
I don’t really feel that anyone can truly handle alcohol. It is a poison to the body. You never hear of anyone thriving on alcohol only people defending their right to poison themselves.
So true Kathleen, it’s like the experiment you do in Science at school with having a number of the same plant and feeding them different liquids and seeing what happens to them. This experiment with alcohol has shown very clear results for eons… the body (like a plant) can not thrive on poisons… full stop… and our body even supports us by throwing it up, unlike the plant that crumbles and dies. This is not very intelligent… we would get a big fat F on our body report card.
The body speaks very loudly Matts, when we’re prepared to iisten. And when we’re not (prepared to listen), we tend to go much longer periods in the illusion that all is ok before something more significant occurs to shake us up. Even then we often refuse to accept the truth until our bodies are screaming at us.
Matts this is such a clear, solid and oh so refreshing article on alcohol. Our bodies have always clearly indicated that alcohol is not good for us in any way but drinking alcohol is such a part of our lives that we have woven the overt warning signs into our culture. In fact we’ve gone further than that, not only do we readily accept the fact that alcohol makes us feel crap but we actually parade how bad we feel as if it’s some kind of trophy. I have even seen people on TV share that they have been so drunk that they lost control of their bowels, as if it’s actually something to be rather proud of!
Hello Matts and long ago I knew alcohol was a no go area for me. I didn’t like the taste and I thought it was just one of those things I needed to learn. I saw everyone was doing it so like many other things I thought it was for me to learn and be like everyone and perhaps even be better at it then them. I remember being fearful of what the next day would hold and often would make sure I had the day off to recovered, that usually took 2 or 3. I set up a plan when I went drinking all around the recovery, so I didn’t feel so so bad. The plan never really worked and I would change it constantly to try and make it better. I knew back then alcohol had a shelf life for me and that at some point I wouldn’t do it anymore, it didn’t make sense. When Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon spoke about alcohol everything I felt already made sense and all of me was very appreciative and thankful. I don’t miss it or even think of it anymore, it’s no longer a choice not to drink it’s more like I have no memory of ever doing it.
I can also relate to not drinking, not being a choice. There is a strange reflection that I also don’t remember drinking that consuming it in the past caused the same effect?
Awesome Matts, it really is a no brainer if one is willing to go a little deeper as to why their drinking, and what drinking actually does to our bodies. I know for myself once I dug a little deeper and questioned why I chose to drank, a healing within began and as I healed I no longer felt to drink.
Alcohol gets a hold because we want to fit in and be liked, but that seems more important to us than loving ourselves or being true to ourselves. We also have many reflections around us as kids that say “alcohol is ok” because of the many adults who drink it, and also in how they use it – as a treat, a reward, to relax, and to celebrate. Alcohol is even given as gifts and people talk about “loving” certain drinks. Yet, we all begin hating the taste. Alcohol is like the elephant in the room – no one wants to say how they really feel about it.
I was very similar to you Matts, I never liked alcohol, the smell, the taste or how it made me feel yet I did it to fit in and to not be different. I was already different enough as it was.
It has now been about 7 years without drinking and I feel great for it. I don’t miss it, never crave it, don’t feel like I miss out and I know for sure that I have saved hundreds of dollars.
I love that it is now something of my past and not something I have in my life anymore.
It is indeed a very strange thing that under the guise of normal we willingly consume a toxin that does nothing more than poison the body and rob us of our life force (kidney energy). No wonder your kidneys ached and your ‘get up and go’ got up and went. It is not only alcohol that puts us in such a stupor but the many foods, various substances and vast array of ideals, beliefs and images we consume, not to mention the multitude of behaviours and reactions we are addicted to, that all lead us to move in a way counter to the truth that we are.
I can relate to what you say Matts, my body has always felt the ill effect of alcohol, I just didn’t always listen. I haven’t drank for years now, and I find the more I have developed a relationship with my body the more discerning I have become as to what truly supports it. Your body was certainly giving you very clear messages.
I love, love, love the simplicity of your experience Matts. No emotion, no heaviness, just factual about the truth that alcohol was harming you; you knew it, your mother knew it and so you listened to your body and ‘gave it up’. This speaks of the regard you have for yourself and how you value your connection with others also. Thank you for showing the world how simple this can be.
I never liked the way my friends changed when they drank alcohol, it was worse at parties because I was often the driver and drank water all night and could see the changes as they were happening. They would be, as Matts says, more confident, but with that came a loudness and a laughter that felt false. If I was drinking on celebratory occasions where I wasn’t driving, after the first couple of glasses, I would lose count and simply enjoy the sweetness and keep going until in the end I was sick, or I’d stagger home and be very sick the next day. I’ve not drunk alcohol for eleven years now, I don’t miss it and my body loves me for it.
It is quite incredible to consider with all the lived evidence and experience people have around the effects of alcohol on our own bodies and the knock on effect to society, that people can still be awkward and want to turn not drinking alcohol into something un-usual.
Once I stopped drinking it became so obvious to me that none of us are ourselves at all when we do drink. To me we become like puppets with something else running us that we have no control over.
I now get a hangover from eating too much. Just like with alcohol which I stopped more than ten years ago I still need to get multiple messages before I am able to reduce or stop overeating. The principle seems to remain the same.
When we decide to give up something, it becomes sustainable when we listen to our bodies and the signals that it is showing us rather than trying to give up something coming from an ideal or belief. Your body was speaking loud and clear Matt and when we actually listen and take heed, then it becomes a very natural process rather than a ‘should do’.
I never drank a lot regularly either, but I had some seriously trashy nights that literally took me 2 days to recover and I got myself into some pretty precarious positions while drunk too and yet I never at that stage thought that there was anything wrong with alcohol. I never even questioned what it was doing to my body. I thought that my not in excess use the majority of the time was ok, especially since any “big” nights were few a far between.. Having said that though I had become a regular drinker, with a couple of beers most days. I had never even contemplated that not drinking was a choice, until I stopped. It was then that I started to see what I was doing to myself with alcohol. It’s been one of the best choices I have made for both my body and my bank balance.
It is true that no one questions why you do drink alcohol, only why you don’t drink. Not drinking alcohol purely by choice can cause quite an upset. Why that upset is caused deserves to be looked at yet the topic of alcohol is fiercely defended.
No one questions why you don’t snort cocaine, why is that? Because we know it’s unhealthy, but somehow alcohol has been allowed to fly under the radar. Maybe because it’s not that common that you die on the spot from an overdose. Maybe that would be something we could see in the future. Us getting the full on effect of what it actually does to our body, then people would go like ok this might not be so healthy after all, if we are inclined to have that inner conversation.
So true, however we do have many signs how poisonous alcohol is with many people dying of alcohol related diseases and some of alcohol poisoning, and we tend to look down on alcoholics too, so we all know but choose to not look …
A beautiful and simple sharing from your body Matts. Reading what you say I was reminded how I feel exactly the same way about emotional reactions. I’ve lived my life having them, thinking that they are natural in some way. Now I can see they give the same hit to me as having a wine or a beer, and now I’ve got more aware I get they truly have a similar draining effect on my body’s parts. Really its a no-brainer to stop these thing when you feel how much they hurt.
Interesting Joseph, thanks for sharing.
Thank you for sharing Matts, I realised that for me drinking had become a routine thing, I had used it as a way to get through life, and when I stopped my world didn’t tumble down, in fact it had the complete opposite affect I was able to see things more clearly, and how my lack of self-confidence and self-worth had been fed by the alcohol. Now I love my life, everything in it, and my confidence has allowed me to have a deeper connection with myself and others, and my expression is so much more.
Super clear messages from your kidneys Matts, and very sweet they shouted louder each time until you took notice! – How lovingly our bodies can communicate, and how self-lovingly you responded.
Yep third time count, and the message was quite loud.
Matts inspiring how you chose to listen to your body and follow its very clear direction. I also didn’t drink a lot. I’ve been more aware over many years now that our bodies have always been giving us messages our whole lives, it depends on how entrenched and arrogant a part of us is that digs its heels in and says ‘I can do what ever I like to myself’. I remember the relief when I realised I didn’t have to drink alcohol! Funny hey, like needing permission but it was such a norm thing to do.
It truly is crazy I agree Aimee.
This is really the line Aimee – “I can do what ever I like to myself’.” One of my children recently uttered these words too with the addition of ‘ it’s my body and I can do to it what I want.” And only through movement and reflection is it possible to show another way of being …
Alcohol is one the common and socially accepted means to take the edge off the tension, stress, exhaustion, social awkwardness or insecurity, lack of self-confidence etc and because most people ‘like’ to have a break from that tension there is a kind of agreement to not blow the whistle on why they are actually drinking alcohol but instead make it look to be a normal, harmless thing, making it about the taste, the refreshment… And because ‘everybody’ is doing it there is not much of a reflection to show otherwise. To then not drink sticks out and at times disturbs people in their comfort of normalized ‘relief’, because deep down they know the real reason they don´t want to face. At least that is what I had to realize within myself and so in others as well. Time to get honest about why we do what we do, and alcohol is only one example of many.
Great points Alex, and there are so many more vices to use part from alcohol which says quite a lot about the mass psychosis that has taken hold of us. That’s why it’s so important to stick out and show people that it’s safe to just be yourself.
So true Alex and Matts, being our selves in any gathering and just reflecting that will have an effect, as I notice now that when people come to my home no one ever brings or drinks alcohol at all, including some family members.
It is strange how we ignore clear signals from our body that alcohol is not okay just so we can fit in. I certainly chose to drink because it numbed me from uncomfortable feelings, especially when everyone else was drinking. Now I cannot bear the feeling of being ‘out of it’, and am not attracted to alcohol at all.
Yes and how refreshing does it feel to just feel awesome and in joyous true connection with others without this stuff…
I love your honesty and openness of your sharing Matts. It makes no sense at all purely on a physical level that we do things like drink alcohol when it does not result in a pleasant result in the body. It shows there is something more going on here, a deeper unrest within that is much greater than the physical consequences alone and hence enough for us to make us want to seek to do them again and again and again. It shows that dealing with these addictions is never just skin deep. We have to look at what is really going on within ourselves and hence the way we are living that is leaving a shortfall, an emptiness that makes the addiction possible.
“I know that is a sad excuse but that’s how it was for me, and it goes to show that my self-confidence wasn’t the greatest at the time.” I know what you were feeling, even though I knew drinking was not healthy and not really feeling like drinking alcohol I found myself drinking alcohol when I was allowed to as recording to the age limit. I felt also to drink because it was cool to do and ‘fun’ to feel the effect of alcohol. Yet looking back it was not truly fun to do and I felt horrible afterwards or sometimes even during drinking alcohol. It is great to stop drinking alcohol and I never missed it after I quit.
The body does give us quite a slack when it comes to alcohol. If we were to get the full knock on effect from the body when we drink alcohol we would at the most drink once and then we would be so sick that not a single cell in our body would want to ever drink again. But I guess there is a range here where we have a free choice with what we do with our bodies and our lives. It does feel however that the messages from our body are getting more loud and obvious.
If I haven’t seen my friends for a long time and agree to meet up with them – why would I then want to destroy any connection we might enjoy, by drinking alcohol? Hundreds and hundreds of times in my life I have woken up in the morning feeling empty at the lack of connection and intimacy from the night before because I was drinking.
What if we could think like that Otto instead of automatically assume that we will drink alcohol. I think the reason is that we are afraid of connection even though we crave it. Being with people there is an automatic pull to be together and if that freaks us out then alcohol can be the answer, then you can be close, or in many cases all over someone but there is no real or true connection between the two of you.
I did used to drink a lot and drinking alcohol not only exposed how much disregard I had for myself but heightened my disregarding behaviours making them more extreme. I would flirt loads as well and this was a false behaviour because if you took away the alcohol I would never have been like this, it was a false confidence. I reflected on this only the other day when a friend who drinks alcohol asked me how I stopped. At the time of drinking alcohol I knew it was battering my body but did not have enough self love in my body to stop drinking. It was through attending Sacred Esoteric Healing courses with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine where the bodywork supported me to do this, to the point that I cannot remember the exact time I stopped it just naturally fell away and I haven’t looked back since. I deeply appreciate this as there was many times in my life I wondered would I ever be able to actually stop drinking alcohol because even though I knew how detrimental it was to my health I still kept doing it so introducing self-love and self-care to the daily routine definitely helps with this.
Yes the closer we get to our soul the more we let go of the bad stuff. But we got to make the choice.
Dear Matts, thank you for sharing your experience of how your body clearly showed you how it felt about alcohol being poured into it…… even before it happened! The body could feel the energy of what you went into to be able to ingest this poison in the first place – a certain level of dis-connection…… and you were open to listening – and to stop. If we were taught to do that all of the time, we would avoid a lot of serious health issues for ourselves, and take the pressure off the health systems all over the world.
I found drinking was a distraction and as you have shared Matts, I never liked the taste so I had to override my feelings to be able to drink alcohol.
I agree that drinking is considered the norm and is very quickly questioned when you choose not to drink. Historically, when I used to drink a little I held this false belief that it made everything more fun and put pressure on others to drink. Now understanding the separation that occurs, it physical hurts to even feel for a moment going with the false recognition, attention and pat on the back for being one of those drinking to be included. The body is a powerful and very loving communicator and I really love the way it never gives up calling us back to what is true.
Thanks, Matts. We could all save ourselves a lot of pain, illness and disease by listening intimately to the body and its communication, as an instant and exact reflection of our choices.
Great blog Matts – I found myself re-reading this part of a sentence
“….after a ‘night out’ my body……”
as
‘….after a night out of my body…..’, which is exactly what drinking alcohol causes – a disconnection from our body.
I agree, and you can see it in the eyes of a person if she inhabits the body or not.
Yes and if I’m OUT of my body then what in the world is IN my body? Might be another topic for discussion but it’s not by chance that we get different when we drink. Sometimes we notice this ourselves as in us getting so different that we question it ourselves but it’s easier generally for others to see how we change when we drink. Especially when you are sober watching others. Then it’s easy to clock almost the second someone changes. It’s as if they get possessed by something that changes them. They might not notice but as I say I think it’s quite easy to spot when someone changes. You can see it in their eyes, they do not feel fully like it’s your friend, colleague, husband, wife and so on anymore: they’ve shifted.
“For me it seems very strange to put something into our bodies that makes us ill, flat and tired the next day – it doesn’t make any sense, so giving up alcohol for me was a no brainer.”
I drank like a fish for years, and ignored the fact that it did not really make sense. If I had a dollar for all the times I said “never again”, I’d be rich for shizzle!
But slowly the sense part of me won out and I’ve not had a drink for 5 1/2 years and it is quite awesome to be free of its hold. The mornings are much better 🙂
Awesome sharing Matts. Like you, I was never a big drinker, I just loved the connection to people. Despite having given up drinking alcohol myself a few years ago, there were times when I would walk by a pub on a summer’s day and felt like I was missing out. But what I misassociated for years was the drinking culture and connecting to people. We, as humans, love connecting. It just happens that people feel they can let their guard down or open up at a pub. Today I much prefer a walk or meal or cup of tea with friends.
What if pubs were redesigned to enhouse people, get rid of the booze and have people learn how to relate to others whilst in a sober condition. Like a re-learn-how-to-connect-with-people bootcamp. Then the pubs would really start contributing with something good.
Thank you Matts for sharing your account of how your body knew from the start that alcohol could not be tolerated. It is interesting how we can manage to override those signals, which in your case were quite strong.
Growing up in my family alcohol played a huge part, so it was almost expected that when we got to a certain age we will want to drink but I found it difficult because I did not really like the taste, even though at the time I would pretend I did just to be sociable.
Isn’t that crazy, that we are expected which we basically are to drink something the body can’t really handle…? And in my case it was strong, or maybe I was just perceptive to what was actually going on so perhaps everyone gets these signals but we choose to not listen to them, Maybe everyone has “knifes” put into their kidneys every time they drink, it’s just that we choose to not listen to what our bodies are telling us. Hence also the importance to develop a relationship with our bodies where we listen to what is has to say.
“I love being around people and I love the connection with them, but when alcohol was present that loving connection was out the door and that was also one of the reasons I quit drinking, side by side with the following incidents.”
Me too Motts, I loved being around people yet what i discovered was that as i grew up I increasingly shut down my true feelings and expression and became a shadow of myself, unsurprisingly this made me feel sad and so drinking and taking drugs felt like a great way to detach from this misery. Through Universal Medicine i now understand that if i had little, to no true relationship with myself then of course my relationship with others would flounder – so i became depressed, and my trust in people waned.
We can also encounter peer pressure and ridicule, when we stop drinking alcohol and can it take a while for friends to accept that I had stopped for good. One repeatedly visited my house with bottles of my favourite wine, (from the past) until I asked them not to and said I didn’t want alcohol drunk in my house. In restaurants, which I rarely frequent now, people overrode my wishes and ordered wine for me even though I’d asked for water. And the education continues, at family celebrations, weddings, christenings, birthdays my choice to love me and drink water is consistent regardless of occasion.
My feeling is the more we let go of the reason why we used to drink the stronger we grow in the choice to not use alcohol anymore and the less people ask because they can feel the authority of your choices and let’s put it out there so that everyone understand that alcohol is not normal to drink. It’s like people has been “brainwashed” to think from young that alcohol is in any way normal when it’s actually a poison to the human body and from what I know it’s supposed to be used in laboratories as a chemical ingredient and not ever be put into our bodies.
“When I was younger no one really questioned why you drank (except from my mum, bless her) but why you didn’t drink, as if drinking alcohol is normal.’ I agree Matts. If we spent more time exploring the question of why we drank alcohol in the first place, we may not have continued to drink It would have revealed that it was not a true choice based on feeling from our body, but one that stemmed from a feeling of lack, low self worth and needing to be part of a group. The false myth is that alcohol gives us confidence, in truth it rubs us of the true confidence which emanates from within.
Great point you make here Matts in your blog that we consider alcohol to be a social lubricant but if we are honest it actually takes us away from being ourselves in any situation and therefore decreases any real connection we have with each other. So it is the gunk that is clogging up the machine of society not the lubricant we think it is.
And maybe we have this mentality because we haven’t felt what it’s like to really connect with another. Or perhaps it can be us knowing what when we are sober with others it is an opportunity to really connect. Being with people has an effect that is actually a gift but maybe we are avoiding opening up the gift that is us given. To really get to know who we are we have to be open to other people and maybe this is the crux of the matter, we are afraid of getting to know ourselves?
I had spent most of my life socially drinking. I had done the required initiation of over-riding the bodies response of pouring poison down my gullet till it gave in and accepted it as a normal process, it had to put up with. Time and life marches on, caffeine to start the day and keep going and a drink or two before bed to reverse the effect to sleep, then repeat. I developed a skin problem in my early 50s that eventually lead me to a dermatologist and told its was something wrong with my liver and frequently is caused by drinking and told me to quit drinking for six months and return. I just quit and did not drink for the whole period. When I went back to the doctor, she asked if the cessation of alcohol had any effect, and I replied yes… I saved all kinds of money not drinking but still had the skin problem. Eventually, the problem was found to have been from accidental solvent poisoning by skin contact at work. The drinking had just been one of my many ways to numb myself. I don’t miss drinking at all and accepted as my normal at work that I prefer not to drink.
Great to hear Steve – isn’t it amazing how the talk goes around alcohol. It’s as if it’s something obligatory that you have to start doing when you get older when it’s not. It’s great that we start to break the mass hypnosis that has been going on around alcohol. And how amazing for the kids growing up hearing that alcohol is actually a poison that harms your body instead of listening adults talking about it as if it’s something you can do when you grow up. Hurray for us that has become sane in our membrains : )
Matts, I love your sharing, I can so relate to what you have written. I was a very big drinker – although I never liked the taste or how I felt the next day I thought I needed alcohol to make me confident, but it made me ill, it took years of my body rejecting alcohol by me being sick or getting very ill. Finally I listened and I now don’t drink at all and like you Matts I do not regret this or miss it. Last night was a great marker for me, I went out in the evening with some work colleagues most of whom were drinking and I did not, I felt confident and noticed how my self worth has increased and that I do not need alcohol to be able to talk with people, I left at 9.00pm when I felt everyone was getting drunk and it was so noisy it was hard to talk to people and I felt absolutely fine that I was not doing the ‘norm’ and joining in with the drinking and late night and I had a great night.
Love it Rebecca, and the feedback we get from our bodies when we do these things are so rewarding. It’s like the body celebrates us finally listening to what IT actually prefers and we get to feel our body loving us back.
Matts I remember when I decided that alcohol was doing me harm and that I needed to stop. It took me a further two years before I actually did stop because I found it hard to say no and stand out from the crowd. What did happen in that period was that I cut down a lot and would often only have one drink, or hold it in my hand and drink very little, until one day i decided enough. Its one decision I have never regretted.
Yes I can so relate to this too “… to not stand out from the crowd’ – what a sad state of affairs if we think we have to do something that we truly do not enjoy at all just to fit in! What else does humanity do that feels so yuck yet is done just to fit in – to fit in with what exactly??
We have to get used to standing with people at parties and not feel uncomfortable that I don’t have a glass in my hand. It’s been a long time since I was at a party but I would go there with my water bottle and have a sip every now and then. Great opportunity to practice being myself.
This is a beautifully honest blog about alcohol Matts. How many of us felt the same way about alcohol in the way that you did… and also overrode the signals and complaints our bodies were showing us? So… if the vast majority dislike the taste of alcohol on first try what exactly are we trying to fit in with?
Yeah that is a great point – what exactly are we trying to fit in with? To fit in with the crowd, to not be the ‘weird’ one, to not be a ‘spoilsport’, to comply with what is dictated is ‘normal’? So awesome to listen to our bodies instead of what our head tries to tell us…
Great point AND why are we so scared of being social without the alcohol? I mean it’s awesome yet we frain going there, silly but true.
Great blog Matts, I too remember when I was 14 something trying out beer and finding the taste quite bitter and had to train my body to like it.
Yep well said – “train my body to like it”. If everyone connected to this truth I reckon the alcohol industry would go out of business pretty fast …
I would say that the body never gets used to anything that is abusive – what happens is that we shut down the pathway of communication that the body offers us, then it feels as if we have gotten used to it but we have in fact actually just numbed ourself more, or we have numbed what our body is communicating with us. So when we get a disease it could very well be that what has been buried as in the example above has to be released from the body, in the form of a lump, tumour or other form of condition.
Thank you Matts for sharing. It is an interesting point you make and it is so very true from my experience also – that no one asks why we drink but when we stop drinking it becomes quite a common question as if it is normal to drink a mind altering substance. Probably more the case is that it has become very common for alcohol to be consumed by many regularly today.
Oh so true Johanna – and so ironic as the question is the wrong way round – it ought to be not why don’t you drink but why do you drink in the first place. When deeply pondered upon this question, the answer will be quite revealing for many I’d say.
It is interesting how the first taste of alcohol or the first cigarette smoked for most of us tastes so disgusting, yet we push on through to ‘fit in’. To ‘fit in’ with a society that views such things as normal, yet are in fact poisons. Bonkers!
Sue, exactly it shows that our body is very wise but for whatever reason we try and force ourselves to ignore the body, only then the body has to speak louder and we get sick. The wise choice would be listen in the first place.
I know that too Matts, drinking alcohol for socialising. It made me more loose, changed my state of being and more easily to approach people. But in fact I never truly could connect on an intimate level when under the influence of alcohol, so I was always in the discomfort of that, that in turn made me to return to the alcohol as a way of relief of not having to feel the agony in my body of not being able to meet the essence of myself or that of others.
You said it Nico – “… I never truly could connect on an intimate level when under the influence of alcohol…” – this is a very important realisation and one to share with the world too, because when we can reflect on this how quickly could we change our socialising in true connections and gatherings to come together to truly be with each other.
The total numbing out way to approach life. Honestly I don’t blame people for drinking. What I do oppose to is when it is argued as being good in any way because when done I know it’s not them speaking but something else through them. Not sci-fi or anything like that. Anyone that is sober and attentive can easily see when someone who drinks gets ‘taken’ by something else and they change personality. We know it and can relate to it but not too often do we talk about these things. When I do I know many can relate. Fascinating things to talk about I find.
I should have given up alcohol the first time I vomited all over my self and passed out on the floor in the middle of a party, but no I didn’t, or when I found my friend dead on the sofa from alcohol poisoning, or when I found my best friend who had drunk too much passed out on the floor in a public toilet with blood all over her. These incidents and hundreds more like them would shake me up for a few hours and I would swear never to drink again but I would soon forget and get straight back to my abusive ways. It took me another 20 years or so to actually give it up and it was only when I came to Universal Medicine and understood the root cause of why I abused myself so intently was I able to stop drinking for ever.
I gave up alcohol 14 years ago after hearing about the energetic effect it has on us. I got to see that the reason why I drank alcohol was to take the edge off life and once I learned to re-connect with myself I did not have the same need to take the edge off. Our body simply cannot handle alcohol in any way, shape or form.
Yes that was the same for me too Elizabeth – to drink a glass or two in the evenings to take the edge of my days was my thing too. And I also had that experience – once I connected to the lovable being that I am alcohol immediately stopped being drinkable for me – my body absolutely rejected it.
I think it’s huge to talk about the fact that alcohol is fake confidence. I used to think it was the only thing that got me to be confident – but that was at the time where I did not want to see what presence was and how it was possible to be in the moment – in every moment.
Yes showing people that it’s ok to be sociable and talkative is important I think, otherwise we never know where we’ll end up. Before people used to drink during weekends but then it sneaked in during weekdays and then you have the “after work” and suddenly everyday is fine to drink, when it’s not. But it says a lot about where we are in society.
Matts I can relate to what you are sharing about alcohol, I too only started to drink to be social and thought it gave me some confidence, I never liked the smell and I had to really force alcohol to then start to get the taste for it. I remember the first time I had wine it just tasted awful.
Yes Amita, and wine anyways isn’t that just lemonade gone old…
What a practical experience to share Matts, giving voice to how your body felt speaks a reality that many others quite possibly feel.
An great example of taking responsibility and putting it into action. The body is the marker of truth and the examples were definitely loud and clear in this one.
It is such a conditioned way to think that we have to drink to be sociable and to relax. From my personal experience and from my observations of people drinking alcohol when serving in the hospitality industry is that we actually all really enjoy our conversations – it doesn’t take to long to work out that our conversations when drinking deteriorate trimendiously and the quality we are left with for ourselves and others feels empty and false.
I agree, Natalie, I feel, with alcohol, the conversations become much more emotive which then prompts people to either become more defensive or aggressive. Either way, it completely changes the energetic integrity of the group.
I agree Natalie, we do love these conversations where we can feel that connection. I think that is what we crave the most and we shouldn’t be afraid to explore them.
Matts that is what I love most, the connection, the feeling of purpose and the depth of warmth of love in my body when there is true expression. It can be unsettling at first when we let ourself connect deeply with others but is worth more than gold.
Absolutely Matt, I know when I started to acknowledge that this was happening and that this was what I actually did want was true deep connections I started meeting up with people in different ways so I can have this. For a while I still meet up when people were drinking but over time they too realised that when we did meet and this wasn’t in the equation that the quality we had together was much more enjoyable and enriching.
It’s a common story – people start drinking alcohol to fit in even though it doesn’t feel great; but then the addiction to the sugar and the feeling of elation kick in and it can take a while to kick the habit. Once you can feel the clear physical symptoms, and for me it was the kidneys as well, even though I wasn’t putting two and two together at the time, there is no going back, self-preservation for most is stronger and wins the day.
And thank God for that!
Amen ! 🙂
There was a time when I felt I could not open my mouth to speak if I did not have alcohol, but under the influence of alcohol, every time I spoke, it was not really me who was speaking. I felt imprisoned. Later when I quit drinking altogether because I did not like to be controlled, I would observe my friends when they drank, and the atmosphere of the gathering would very quickly spiral into one from a warmth and connection (before drinking) to a haphazard and chaotic silliness (after drinking) that felt very noisy but completely cold—no matter how much people were talking or being physical with each other, there was no true connection. I would want to leave the scene right away or I would check out. Recently, I have discovered if I had to stay in a situation where people are drinking and still connect, it takes a lot more commitment—it requires an already rock solid foundation with immense openness, and express with all of me.
Interesting, and I can understand that it takes a lot more connection and steadiness when you are the one sober and everyone else is variably intoxicated. The sad thing is that when people are under the influence of alcohol they think they are ok and proper and when you stand on the side being sober you go like… ok right… Alcohol for sure is a luring drug that will take some time for people to drop. If we start to talk about the reason why we drink then we might come to our senses faster, but time will tell how well we go with that.
great blog Matts,
I am new to the livingness and admit i still like the occassional beer ,like after the lawns or a meet up with friends.
What has helped lately is i have been Uber driving and seeing how people are when under the influence of alcohol especially if i pick up the same people a few hours later!
being a driver i have stopped drinking a lot and realise how it has stopped me to feel and made me check out ,with the help of Serge ,Natalie and the healing available i know in time i wont need to drink at all.
Hi Matts. Your blog takes me back a bit, even to a time when we did visit beautiful Dalarna as a passenger on a Tourist Coach, and I was still having a glass of wine to ‘appear sociable’. What a farce really, and another illusion I had accepted from that an insidious belief that I then allowed myself to align to, indeed, of that which is not love, but believed we needed to be seen to be joining in, being the ‘same’ as others. My then need to be ‘accepted’ and ‘liked’ saw me having to take medication, a strong antihistamine, just so that I could withstand the onslaught of what alcohol did to my body as I took the first sip of white wine at a social gathering. With puffing eyes, and streaming sinuses there was still the belief that I had to endure my body’s response to be seen to be ‘fitting in’.
What crazy behaviours we can stoop to when we are seeking some sort of recognition from outside of ourselves. I can look back on those times and so appreciate that I have not allowed alcohol to touch my lips for about 15 years – but the memory of what I allowed it to do to me is still so clear. Thank God for Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon who reflected that it didn’t have to be that way – that there was another way to live – i.e. The Way of The Livingness.
Hi Roberta, if I would have known I would have waved at you when you passed. And I agree with what you are sharing. This is a point we sometimes miss. That what we see as a reality have many aspects to it. So the reality for a person that has been drinking is very different from the reality of the one that is sober. Their eyes are perhaps looking at the same things but how we perceive these things is very very different.
It is very caring of the body to provide these escalating symptoms. I wonder what happens if you ignore the third one.
Luckily I was smart enough to come to my senses. Thank me I say, not you but me, and I say you’re welcome. Great inner dialogue here…
It was probably one of the most self loving choices you could have made for yourself Matts, I say thank you for listening to your body (example to us all), and I am sure that your body says a big thank you to you too. If only we all paid heed to our bodies, then maybe the medical profession wouldn’t be under such a strain.
This is how serious illness and complications happen. I know from personal experience that ‘listening to my body’ was huge steps ahead of where I was when signs first started – I wasn’t even prepared to be aware they were signs!
It’s interesting in how we use transference to blame something else when we justify our ill actions to something the body is screaming at us to stop!
It took me a lot longer than you to come to my senses again Matts, however wasting an entire next day due to massive headaches, feeling extremely sick and sometimes vomiting became untenable. I cut down and cut down over years until even just a 1/4 glass of wine still delivered those symptoms. Obviously I was a slow learner but my body never gave up letting me know how it felt and I am most thankful for its wisdom now. Now I no longer need props to make it feel safe enough to converse or be with others.
Ah that love filled body we have – never gives up on us does it, well until it does but it sure works till the sometimes bitter end.
Yes, our bodies do tell us, often loud and clear, unfortunately some of us choose to ignore the signs and end up with either an alcohol related disease, or having an accident of some kind. There is a reason we drink, and that reason, as far as I am concerned, is that we are missing ourselves and are choosing to fill our emptiness with a sugary substance that is poisonous to our body, and for me anyway, it was a way to pass the time so I didn’t have to feel how alone I felt, even in the company of others!
I too took far too long to come to my senses on this one, it was a consciousness that I had really bought into and was a hard one to break but now after such a long time since I have had alcohol I know that I will never go back there. The more love I allowed into my body the less I could tolerate alcohol to the point I just had to stop.
I know what you mean Kevin, I have been alcohol free for over 5 years now, with no regrets, nor have I ever been tempted, in fact the mere thought of a glass of wine turns my stomach. I agree with you about the love bit, this is the key, the more love we have for ourselves the less the need for alcohol. The same could be said for other sugary substances, such as chocolate and biscuits which for me were a great numbing tool to avoid feeling what I was feeling, but life always catches up with us, and there will come a time when we all have to deal with our stuff and let the love in.
Matts thank you for such a detailed description of giving up alcohol, I went through something similar in that when i was a child I could never understand why people drunk but then as I grew up I started to say it made me confident, but then I drank heaps. It took me time to gradually reduce and finally stop drinking and that came not from me focussing on not drinking but focussing on what felt loving and supportive for my body, then the drinking just stopped.
Isn’t that a revelation if any – deal with the reason why you drink and then you don’t need to drink anymore. Now that will save a lot of money and lives.
Hear hear – this is 100% true, and goes for all other vices we may engage in … getting to the root cause of it and taking responsibility for and and allowing it to heal – and boom – the need to suppress is gone.
Absolutely – drinking is the result of a way of living that puts it as a sense of relief or enjoyment – alcohol is not the cause it is the result.
Quitting anything we do that is no good for our bodies, that we have attributed to an addiction or some other causative reason that is outside of us is just pandering to the illusion we have created, not to stop! Do we continue these habits because of the separation from our self they offer us? When the reason for this self-abuse is addressed, is there a need to continue?
.The same could be said for many other things that we do, say eating sugar, smoking cigarettes or taking certain recreational drugs, or even eating food that doesn’t suit us… it is not all about willpower it is about dealing with the reason we are doing it, and that takes honesty and willingness to come out of our comfort