For the most part of 40 years I’ve had difficulty truly conversing with my Dad, with much of the conversation pieces being superficial chat about work, the weather or sport. But, a couple of years ago I ‘switched off’ to the sporting banter so our conversations have become really brief.
Sometime ago, we had a skype chat with my parents in South Africa. Since then I’ve had this nagging feeling to write him a letter. So I sat down and the words just flowed, and even during the process of writing the letter I felt it would have to be shared, that it wasn’t just a letter between my Dad and I. So here is a letter written from my inner-heart to my Dad…
“Hi Dad,
Reflecting on our recent conversation (and that it reminded me of a recurring theme in many of our conversations) I feel to share something that has been dawning upon me over the past several months.
I recall during our conversation, marvelling at the complexity and intricacies of the human body and all of its functionings and goings on (fuelled by my studies of Anatomy & Physiology) and your comical reply was “that it (the body) can always be fixed with a triple cane (vodka)”.
I know this is said in jest, but it supports the very notion that I am becoming more aware of in me, that we say and do things (particularly as men) to prove to ourselves that we are LESS…
Less than the absolutely amazing beings that deep down we know we are.
I am coming to terms with just how amazing I am and how much potential I have to allow that amazingness to develop further, not only for my benefit, but for the benefit of all those I know and will meet; and in the microcosm of life, to be that as a role model for my 3 sons.
You have been such an inspiration and role model to me through my developing stages of life, with so much that you have provided to equip me for the way life is, that I feel to reflect on this, and suggest that I have stumbled upon a part of me that you perhaps did not offer me as part of your role-modelling because you too had forgotten that you have it equally within you.
You are AMAZING – always have been and always will be!
So, please don’t feed that urge to be-little the amazingness you are, because I now know you are so much more than you allow / know of yourself to be. Perhaps, let there no longer be a place in our relationship for self-abuse style banter between us, as men.
All my love,
Greg”
And not long after, I received his response entitled “Letter to my son”…
“Dear Greg,
Thank you for your letter.
As a parent one strives to provide the very best in education and life skills for one’s children in order that, with the fullness of time, they may develop on their own chosen path to surpass the skills and character of the teacher.
There is no university degree in parenthood – much of the time one bumbles along as a well-intentioned parent with the above aim foremost in mind.
I am happy to say that you and your siblings have surpassed my wildest expectations – You, Greg, are indeed an amazing person, of whom I am extremely proud.
Some light hearted banter between a father and son is a reflection of our humanity and should always be seen as such.
Love,
Dad”
Needless to say I was not surprised by the response as I had already felt the quality in which it would return, but was nonetheless blown away by his honesty and beauty.
I truly feel conversations with my Dad will be on a whole new level of truth and understanding, going forward.
Having had the opportunity to share in the Universal Medicine inspired Men’s groups has undoubtedly provided the springboard to allow me to understand, recognise and begin to set aside the ‘superficial nature’ of my relationships with other men.
The true revelation however, is the understanding that how I perceived our relationship, at the time, was merely a reflection to me of how my relationship was with myself: I could not hold a true and heart-felt conversation with anyone without first having a true relationship with myself (honouring who I truly am). But, looking back there were definitely many moments where a true relationship existed and I could share from the heart (and that this too, would be reflected back) – but this was not my general way of life.
By Greg Hall, Brisbane Australia (Published With permission by Derrick Hall)
Opening up and speaking from the heart invites another to meet us from an equal place.
This is truly touching Greg, thank you for sharing.
Thank you Greg for sharing your expression in relationship to another, beautiful to receive and be a part of.
I agree, true, loving relationships, and expression always start with self, ‘The true revelation however, is the understanding that how I perceived our relationship, at the time, was merely a reflection to me of how my relationship was with myself: I could not hold a true and heart-felt conversation with anyone without first having a true relationship with myself (honouring who I truly am).’
Building a loving relationship can only start when we are feeling our own True Connection to the same Love we all come from and then we can start to feel the Humble-appreciative-ness of our divine-connected-ness, which is very much as you have shared Greg.
Thank you, Greg, so beautiful to read that when you call on someone being more love and almost give them permission to be the loving and amazing being they are, you can get surprised by the level and depth of love that comes back to you.
Gorgeous Greg, I love this sharing simply because it is honest. I love how simplicity is brought back when we are simple. So so easy.
When we truly share how we feel with honesty and openness we can invite others to do the same. Your blog Greg reminded me of how precious every moment is and that we can express how we truly feel without holding back to honour the preciousness of ourselves, each other and life.
Melinda I agree if we can share honestly what we are feeling with everyone without feeling that we will be shut down it opens up a whole new way of living because it builds our natural self confidence that we can express without fear of retribution or being ridiculed or squashed.
It only takes the willingness of one to open and begin such conversations for another to feel the quality and pull to respond, with a deep tenderness.
We really begin to see the extent and depth of the intelligence of love when we begin to develop a loving relationship with ourselves first, as the awareness of what then not longer fits or feels right/true or sits well become more and more evident. As such we respond with greater truth reflecting the quality of love we all deserve to live which is how we re-establish and reset truly loving standards in our relationships and the world we live in.
I love this Greg, what a beautiful letter sent and received. The love felt is palpable.
Writing a letter is such a touching gesture in this day and age, replete with emails, WhatsApp and social media. This exchange between father and son is very real, super honest and leaves each where they are but with much more appreciation of themselves and each other and a beautiful dose of honesty and, may I add, humbleness.
So much goes unsaid in our relationships, especially in relationships with family. You remind me how precious it is to open up and let others know how we truly feel.
Beautiful sharing Greg, it is such a shame that many of us go through life without writing a letter to our dads or expressing to them how we truly feel, and that banter you talk about is just too superficial and then its too late they have passed over none the wiser. This sort of thing may have gone on from generation to generation when all it takes to stop it is a simple heart felt letter like yours.
The more truth lovingly shared the more truth and love can emerge. We do not have to put up with anything but with honest communication we can completely change the course of our lives and bring much healing. Thank you for this great sharing Gregg.
Honest communication is so important in every relationship, starting with self.
I feel as though I have come to greater understandings about my parents since they passed and I try not to waste too much time in regret. I remind myself that everything I clear regarding my parents that energetically they are getting the clearing also where ever they are.
Thank you for sharing these deeply personal yet also universal letters Greg. For me the key to deepening relationships lies in accepting and appreciating the foundational relationship we build with ourselves and the appreciation of others that flows from this.
This sharing by Greg helped me to feel just how much protection has been involved in my conversations with my own father over the years and how in the past I would accept somewhat abusive comments from him that I allowed to make me feel contracted. But when I have held an openess in my heart for him and accepted where we are both at in our development, I am now willing to go deeper with our conversations through appreciation and he has responded with more openness himself.
Hi Greg, I appreciate your honesty and courage in expressing to your dad. In written text you can really create an ambience and impression, however, I wonder why the written text is more sometimes and not so effective in person. Are we looking for recognition? We seem to create the intimacy more in our writing than face to face. This is a great reminder that next time when I’m with another to physically surrender to my heart and allow what is there to come out.
Thank you for sharing these intimate and universal letters, Greg.
There is always something huge to heal and learn with our parents and your letters reflect a great job done between you and your Dad that inspires me greatly, to also go deeper in the communication with my Dad too, with such transparency and open heart. In the end only remains the Love that unites us beneath any appearance or experience..
What I get from this is the importance of not having any pictures but really allowing another to be and not needing them to be anything for you- as this is where the measuring and reactions come in.
I love the intimacy that is created when we connect to ourself deeply and communicate from the heart. In that moment both yourself and the other is honoured and there is a genuine invitation and space for them to also connect to and respond from their heart.
What I love about this exchange is the appreciation – how often is there a depth of appreciation in families, it’s much more often an intense, emotional and problematic environment, but what a difference a sprinkling of appreciation makes.
Thank you for sharing Greg what an opportunity you have created for you and your father .
We can skim the top of the potential of our relationships with superficial banter and chit chat but when we allow ourselves to go to the depths of our potential with others, there is no doubt our relationships come more and more alive.
How wonderful to have taken the moment to write to your father, to not let the moment pass, and to have an opportunity for a deeper connection than the surface level we often settle for. Inspiring.
Thank you Greg, I found myself moved to tears reading this blog. The absolute simplicity of love and how it can be brought to another is definitely worth crying about because it reminds us that we are love and come from love.
Gorgeous to read this again after all these years, and what stood out for me was how we progress with our expression, and how we would talk to our parents today compared to four or five years ago. Even though my parents have passed I feel as though the relationship with them has changed, and I would like to think that I would be more loving and open towards them, and without a doubt more understanding.
It’s great Greg that you have taken the opportunity to at least start the conversation and set a new marker for your relationship with your father.
I was wondering about writing a letter to my Dad anyway even though he passed away some thirty three years ago. I feel this could be healing as I access, and express from, deeper levels of honesty in myself.
There is a new client/friend in my life who keeps telling me he is going to phone tomorrow or later or in the morning and invariably 2 weeks go by before he picks up the phone. In reading your blog I am reminded that this is a reflection for me to see a) where I am not doing what I say I will do (for myself) and b) what I am ignoring that would truly support me now, especially in the way of sessions and how basically I am resisting the next step in my evolution, being irresponsible.
Wow Greg reading this bought tears about my own relationship with my father. I would love to write a letter to my own father but he wouldn’t be able to reply as English isn’t his first language but I know there is a deep unspoken understanding between us. Thank you for sharing something so personal and dear between two amazing souls.
Beautiful and it shows that when we allow ourselves to be open and honest the most beautiful conversations unfold that clear things and let us see us much more.
There are two things in relationship that often hold us back expressing true love. The first and most obvious one is our own hurts at not having been met. The second, and perhaps less understood reason is the expectations we place on others to be loving just because we have decided to be so.
In doing so, what we don’t realise is that in doing so, that which we think is being loving is actually an imposition, and thus not loving at all. This is perhaps the hardest realisation to have, that whilst you may be ready to express love, the world is not necessarily ready to receive it, and so quite often we end up holding it back. But that is the trap.
The true key is to know love is not something you need to give to the world. It is, rather, just a quality of being, that you end up emanating in all your interactions with the world. By virtue of living according to that quality of being, you will of course express more openly and lovingly in ways most will recognise as loving. However, your level of expression will be much deeper than your actions or way that you choose to communicate on a physical level. And indeed, there will be times, if you truly understand and live from love, that you will communicate in a way that the world may not accept as loving – for example you may call things out that are not true, and thus actually give rise to conflict and tension. However, in such a situation, it is equally important to realise that the conflict is not caused by your expression and emanation of love, but rather by the resistance it brings up in those who seek to ignore it.
Finally, if you truly live love, rather than just express it as an ideal, you will find that whilst there are many situations in which you will not be afforded the opportunity to express your love as you might like by way of gestures or words. But if you live love, then love is what will be expressed nonetheless, and registered by all, even if it is not received or acknowledged in the way you might like to think it should.
Beautiful what you have shared Greg, ” I could not hold a true and heart-felt conversation with anyone without first having a true relationship with myself (honouring who I truly am).” Until we come to know the love that we are, we cannot share it, in your sharing with your Dad you have opened more an opportunity for sharing the amazingness of who you both are.
A beautiful sharing between two men. The impulse to write what you were feeling was a commitment to truly express as I feel if you had said in a phone conversation ‘Dad your’re amazing’ it may not have been truly heard.
Gosh, so often we express the surface level and don’t let others know how we really feel. We rob ourselves and each other of such beauty and a deeper connection when we do this.
Beautiful Greg – thank you so much for sharing your letter with us and the letter of your dad – which reflects us all about true love, honesty and joy! What a beautiful connection going on there! Like your dad says: ”Some light hearted banter between a father and son is a reflection of our humanity and should always be seen as such.”
Perfect!
There is a deep and abiding longing in all of us for true connection and relationships. As always this connection has to start with ourselves, and this is the doorway to our relationship with the world.
It is fascinating how we can hold our parents to ransom and expect them to be something for us without bringing equal understanding to them, I love the words your Dad has shared. I can feel I too have done this to my parents and it is something I need to let go off and move forward in bringing more understanding and love to them without needing them to be a certain way for me.
It is clearly inspiring in every sense that when we embrace the truth and power of our amazingness as we are then able to hold this reflection for all others as we recognise this quality is in equally who we all are within. Through claiming our amazingness, our power we then are able to bring all of who we are to everyone we meet, in honor of the amazingness we all equally are in essence.
Accepting others just as they are and not wanting to change them? That has been a challenge for me over the years, but gradually by accepting me first and developing a loving understanding of myself, I have naturally started to accept people around me, without a need for them to be a certain way.
Thank you for sharing your letters Greg, and your dad’s reply too. It is very beautiful to witness men opening up to their expression without hesitation and the more we all express from the heart the easier it becomes.
This shows how much there is to be had if we allow ourselves to express what we feel to say, a big chance to deepen our relationships in every moment. And it is never too late.
It is gorgeous that you have come to a place within yourself where you are impulsed to deepen not only the relationship you have with yourself but with those around you… and from there offered true healing to all involved through heart-felt communication.
Greg its beautiful that you was able to express openly with your father and that he responded back too. Expressing the truth and not holding back is the key, this is what helps change the world.
Just gorgeous to see someone abandon the light hearted banter that can so often shelter a level of abuse that we accept as normal, and just see the appreciation and love flow out of you Greg. You can’t help but change the world when you express from that.
With all the modern means of communication there is still nothing to beat writing a letter to express what you truly feel and allow another to reflect and respond.
Our connection to our inner heart is always there but through life we allow separation to occur until something triggers a return. This sharing between son and father shows how the connection never weakens and that no matter at what age we are triggered to re-connect, the absolute fullness and love is always still there. The relationship with your 3 boys has started and will continue through life because this is what you have chosen Greg – what a beautiful reflection for others. Thank you.
Thank you Greg – with your sharing you will and have inspired many – many to follow to come to their hearts and write their parents like this – an enourmous healing and letting go. Gosh I am so blessed to have read this, and so should many many people follow to do so. What an enormous love and dedication to let go of the past (any hurts) that might sit in the way of you loving you and your parents (in this case dad) in full. Super well done.
Thank you Greg I found your letter to your Dad deeply inspiring and very touching to read. Whilst reading your blog I pondered on my own relationship with my father and how we don’t truly express to each other, it is often filled with awkward silences or talking about superficial things, feeling inspired to deepen the relationship with him after reading this.
Thank you Gregg. I am reminded that the developing of our relationship with ourselves and our appreciation of ourselves go hand in hand. I know the more I appreciate myself the more confidence I have. It also reminds me that by being aware of the quality of energy in my body I can keep a tab on myself and make sure that I am truly caring for my body as I go about my daily tasks.
Wow Greg this is beautiful and very inspiring. It makes me realise how cold and hard my relationship was with my parents. They have been gone 30 and 40 years now and when I look back to how disconnected we all were and feel the sadness of that it inspires me to continue on the path of learning to love and nurture myself and reclaim my gentle tender self and express the love that I truly am from my inner heart and build a deeply loving relationship with myself and humanity.
Dear Greg
Your blog has inspired me to continue expressing what I really want to say to my Dad and not falling for the superficial that can too easily lead the way. I am blown away by how amazing my Dad is and I don’t feel I have told him that in quite those words, so perhaps it is time to call him and tell him today.
I feel the immense healing available for men to deepen in their relationship with themselves and expression of this with other men. I have seen remarkable changes in the men around me through the engagement with this process and the amazing men’s groups, initiated and held by Serge Benhayon. The men have been connecting with the tenderness and depth of care within them that has exposed when I have not been willing or able to feel that tenderness within myself. And equally when I bring my steadiness, it supports the men around me to feel confirmed in theirs. There is so much depth available to us in relationship with each other when we allow this depth of relationship with ourselves.
It is interesting how we use banter to hide our true feelings , and dismiss the harm being done. I am a master of this, it really is a reduction of humour and the real beauty of being able to laugh at ourselves and how utterly ridiculous the life we currently live is, humour can lift us out of the quagmire and give perspective and the big picture can be seen more easily with a light heart.
Your blog reminds me of one of the irrefutable truths about life – and it’s that love has to start with ourselves first before we can fully embrace it from another.
” I could not hold a true and heart-felt conversation with anyone without first having a true relationship with myself (honouring who I truly am). ” so true. Often we want something that we are not willing to give to ourselves first. Asking another to do the work for us as we cruise along not really getting that which we so desperately crave.
One of the most liberating understandings we can have is the awareness of self responsibility… It has always been so easy to hang things on our parents, to blame them, thereby abnegating our own responsibility in the very big picture of the cycle of lives.
Thank you Greg. Both your letter to your father and your fathers response brought me to a moment of stillness to really appreciate the power of love and honesty and what can happen by ceasing the moment that you were naturally impulsed to write from your inner heart. For your father to receive that energetic impulse/letter to then be inspired himself to respond with love back to his equally amazing son. So beautiful thank you.
This is such a far reaching realisation; that our relationship with ourselves filters our relationships with other people to appear to be set a certain way or to be limited. It is we who are creating these limits and we who can choose to be free of them.
There’s no doubt that your father will have been touched deeply by what you wrote even though he didn’t refer to his own amazingness in his reply. He confirmed your amazingness and in so doing reflected his own. Good on you Greg, for expressing what you felt and for sharing your experience with others here so that they may be inspired in their own interactions with their parents.
In reading Greg’ beautiful honest exchange with his Dad it made me realise how scary that prospect of being that honest is to me. I do wonder what resistance is being created that would make me shy away from the open and honest conversations with those close to me that would make me a more honest man, Because as I read this I can see how much of a lie I live in not expressing what I feel about many aspects of my life with those closest to me. It seems crazy that I create such a barrier to developing an honest exchange, in the limited situations where I have it has always been positive, so there really is no reason to not follow Greg’s example. And the littlest move towards truth is a move that clears a path and creates space for more truth to follow.
It is not just parents that are teachers, we are all teachers no matter our age (the wisdom that comes out of a childs mouth is a prime example of this). In the big picture if every generation considered themselves teachers and shared what they had learned honestly imperfections and all with the next generation, I am pretty sure ‘with the fullness of time, they may develop on their own chosen path to surpass the skills and character of the teacher.’ Learning from our mistakes and imperfections and admitting and correcting them is foundational to this happening. This would be an awesome catalyst and support to introduce true change into this messy world that man has created, change it desperately needs as evidenced by all the disharmony we see everyday in the world with our own eyes and as reported on by the media.
That letter your father sent you Greg was absolutely divine. ‘There are no university degrees in parenthood.’ Love it!!
Gosh I hadn’t seen this blog before – or at least couldn’t remember reading it – it brought a tear to my eye – feeling the beautiful honesty that has been shared – truly man to man. This is inspiring and a beautiful foundation for all to start to embrace and truly shine in all of our relationships. Thank you Greg.
Having a true relationship with another male is an extremely beautiful experience… it is a gender-less connection quite simply of the heart, and is definitely something to nurture and treasure.
It is rare these days and most unfortunately so, to hear men connecting with each other from their hearts and truly meeting each other in conversation. It is a joy to feel the tenderness and warmth in such moments and something that we all in truth seek in every interaction as it not only offers a truly loving openness and light-heartedness to be there, it also allows understanding and space for each other to see and embrace who each truly is. No comparison or competition here!
Greg, your honesty and openness with your dad is so special to read about and brings up things about my relationship with my dad. I realised a while ago that if I just showed him love and gave him hugs that this would help transcend the sometimes shallow conversations we had. Our relationship developed beautifully over the years through me being me and allowing him to be him and tuning into his sensitivity and gentleness.
Knowing that the quality of our relationships with others is a reflection of our relationships with ourselves is a great eye opener. It really makes me consider what parts of me I feel settled and relaxed about and what is there that is causing me to hold back in some way. It’s an ongoing learning but as I discover more I am realising the great depths there are to me as a human being and looking back I can see how I was just skimming the surface up until recent years which is when I started to attend Universal Medicine. That was a real game changer in terms of my relationship with myself.
It IS incredible when we speak honestly with another – on some level they do to get it and it opens the way for the relationship to move forward on fresh footing (or higher ground), if both parties are OPEN and willing.
Thank you Greg for sharing from your heart, this was a beautiful blog to read and beautiful to read your father’s loving reply, making way for more deep and honest sharings between father and son.
This was deeply touching to read Greg and I deeply appreciate you sharing this with us. It is so beautiful the you chose to write and express yourself and your truth like you did and from doing so have surely inspired many to do the same recognising the beauty and depth it can allow to develop in our relationships… forever changing the way we are with each other.
It’s awesome when we take that leap of faith and have that conversation we were holding back on only to discover that the other person has the beautiful depth to respond in kind. Thank you Greg for sharing your heartfelt letter and its equal response.
Thank you for sharing the letter to your dad, it was very real. I used to think that self-deprecating banter that was harmless but I am beginning to realize saying negative things about myself is horrible. Even if at first you don’t actually believe those negative thoughts, if you repeat them they reinforce and you make it real. What was lighthearted banter feeds the deep darkness of low self-esteem many people carry, and it has become normal.
What a gorgeous exchange between 2 men, father and son.
What an inspiring son, husband, father, man and person you are Greg Hall to care and love so much so that you wrote and sent this letter. What stands out here is the expression of love, not holding it back, not leaving it to another time and the courage to make this your way.
Wow Greg this is a true way in developing our relationships. Being honest, open and expressing what needs to be expressed deepens a relationship and allows the other person to go there as well. Greg you have shown us if you express with Love, then that same Love is returned. Thank you for sharing the exchange between your father and your self.
What you uncovered is huge Greg, thank you for so openly sharing. I love that it is not until we have addressed what it is in us that holds us back from being all we are, that we can begin to share and express that with all others.
It is beautiful to see in the letters, the thread of love and humanity, continuing on down through, and shared between the generation of Father and Son. What a wonderful platform to stand on in building and deepening any relationship.
How truly beautiful to be allowed to share your very personal experiences with us Greg and Derrick. A very precious and inspirational sharing of a Father and Sons developing relationship .
Thank you both.
I used to have a very distant relationship with my father. He was in Japan and I was in the UK while I was growing up. The word Father felt empty to me. Recently, I have started to phone him regularly and as our relationship gets stronger I can feel that the word ‘father’ is gaining in substance. Not in the sense that I hold him to some ideal of what a father should be, but in the way that I have let him in to my life after years of blaming and rejecting him for my hurts.
A loving gentle step to bringing about a more open, honest and loving way of relating with your Dad Greg….brought about by your willingness to come back to that love within yourself first.
My relationship with my Dad is always growing and deepening. I used to think this would be seen in the conversations we had, or more to the point, to the depth of conversation we have. I have come to realise that it is not in the words, but in the quality I bring to my relationship with my Dad, or any relationship for that matter, that actually deepens the relationship.
My parents may have not reflected love to me as a child but then nor did they get that upbringing. But what you’ve shared here Greg shows that regardless of how we behaved and related to each other in the past we can bring that love into our relationships now.
The only way that we can develop true and clear relationships with anyone, especially parents, is to start to know who we truly are, to start to feel, start to heal, and take responsibility for everything in our own lives, to let go of all blame, and then we can start to develop true and unencumbered connections with others, because, we have started with ourselves.
True Toni, it is never too late as in every moment we get the opportunity to make another choice in how we are in relationships. Than whatever has happened in the past of how closed off we have been, we don’t have to hold onto this. We can make a fresh new start every moment.
I was equally touched reading this again Greg. Feeling the love and honesty that you chose as you initiated a new foundation in connecting and communicating with you Dad is truly inspiring. You are indeed an amazing gentle-man and role model.
This line: “that we say and do things (particularly as men) to prove to ourselves that we are LESS…” made me understand more of why men might sometimes say such things. To not reveal the amazing beauty that is see in every man (and woman) in this world.
When we express from our hearts, what gets conveyed is love and not words. Whether this love is opened to be received by the other person or not would be their choice. Whether it is received or not, the love from us remains the same. How consistent we can be in this process, how willingly we are to return to this place? How willing are we to go and live in full the love that we know we are–even if it is not reflected back or received even by people close to us? Great blog for much more to ponder on.
This is beautiful Greg, the openness and love you have expressed to your dad–isn’t this what we naturally are?
There isn’t anything more beautiful and powerful than expressing as who we are in truth.
Thank you for sharing your letters Greg, I found them deeply touching and they brought tears to my eyes.
Totally true Greg, this exchange may not happen if you (or anyone) does not work on the relationship with itself first. What this exchange reveals is the potential and beauty of increased awareness for relationships.
Like a dear friend of mine reminded me of recently: if we’re not expressing to our fullest, then what fills the rest of the expression is garbage. There’s a fullness seen here in this example that is not common, especially amongst men; inspired I am, by the exchange shared in this blog.
Having grown up with very little contact with my Father, I hardly ever contacted him in adulthood. I resented him being my father and did not have a relationship with him as my father. I can’t blame him that whenever I did phone him his first words were always – What’s happened? Is it an emergency?
Recently, I decided to let go of those hurts. As soon as I stopped judging him, I felt such a lot of love for the man. I started facetiming with him regularly and now I enjoy having a connection to him as a man, a friend and a parent.
It seems rather important in the context of this blog that we all feel so much of what is going on and in choosing to live from the deepest love available to us from within ourselves, people will feel that and then make a choice of how they respond. In that response, they indicate a choice and this is always to be honoured. Yet this respect of people choices, does not mean we need to waver from the truth we are choosing. I feel this strength in your choices Greg and applaud it.
Wow Greg, this is beautiful. It is lovely to feel this level of love and honesty between you and your dad, and that you have come to this level of understanding. I am studying Anatomy and Physiology and I am astounded at the intricacies of the human body, and that’s just on a physical level! It reminds me of how amazing we all are every day and how much we take our bodies for granted. I really enjoyed reading your blog, thank-you.
I had the same Sandra when I read the same topics, the human body makes so much sense in how it knows what is best for it.
Greg, I’ve never really been one to use the word ‘gosh’, but, by golly, that’s what I said softly in finishing this blog.
Isn’t the delicate nature of openness, the truest demonstration of strength.. Vulnerability is expression, not necessarily to be heard or seen, but to be felt by another’s heart, when one strikes a chord with divinity.
Quoting your father’s humble response: “As a parent one strives to provide the very best in education and life skills for one’s children in order that, with the fullness of time, they may develop on their own chosen path to surpass the skills and character of the teacher.”
Rather than striking chords, Greg your living and expressing openly is an invitation, an inspiration and building to, a symphony of love.
Thank you.
This is awesome to express this to your father Greg, and even more so that his reply was with such honesty, beauty and confirming of your amazingness by him as your father. The relationship we have with our parents is so precious, and yet over the years this preciousness has given away to meaningless chat or banter, gossip or abuse. Your post shows how this process can be reversed an the joy there is in this.
I delighted Greg in your father’s tender and playful reply. Thank you for sharing your letters it was inspirational to hear two men sharing in such an open, honest and loving way.
Greg, how lovely that you were able to share your thoughts and feelings with your father in a letter. This was obviously very precious to him and it shows just how powerful we are when we express from our heats and don’t hold back.
Hi Greg, it is extremely healing to read of a man opening up with his father in this way, and I thank you for sharing this so openly, for it not only touches a deep wound that many of us carry, but also offers a way forward.
You are right Adam, I carry a deep hurt at not having a close relationship with my own father. Even though he has passed away, you have inspired me to write a letter to him, it’s never too late.
That’s a good idea Sandra, thanks for the tip.
Thank you Greg for sharing this great letter, what a gem, you are so right its starts with us.
This article is a great reminder concerning how much potential there is in relationships, when we choose to express ourselves. Anything is possible, the habits or arrangements we have made, can change in a moment, if we are willing to be open and honest. Thank you Greg
Greg it is so amazing to feel that what you opened in yourself you opened not only in your Dad but in many others who have read your article. It feels very expansive indeed.
Thank you Greg for sharing your loving connection with your Dad. This shows that it just takes one to open up and say honestly what they are feeling to allow another to also express all that they are. A beautiful new chapter in the relationship between you and your Dad and all your family.
This is beautiful Greg thank you for sharing. I too have found the Universal Medicine men’s groups absolutely inspirational and life changing,
Love it Greg. Especially the reply from your father. Thank you for sharing that.
So beautiful, the loving exchange that your shared between you Greg and your father.
Thank you for sharing. It is so inspiring of what can happen when we speak from love.
wow Greg, thank you for sharing your blog this is a beautiful blog.
I am so deeply touched by what you have both shared. It makes me realize how beautiful life is when we just be ourselves and express what is true for us. It literally feels like everything and anything becomes possible.
I loved to read your letter to your dad Greg. It shows me that it is always possible to start to speak your truth in relationships, even with people you have known for a long time and have not always been truthful with. I am learning to start to not shy away from speaking the truth about things I see around me. I feel strongly in me that to express what feels true to me about something that is holding someones, or my own, amazingness back is so important and freeing. Thank you for sharing this Greg, I feel inspired.
What a great thing to have done Greg, this is another great way to break down the superficial banter that goes on between men. Your letter helped me look at the way I am being a dad as well as the relationship I had with my dad. This is a beautiful sharing thanks Greg.
Loved reading this Greg. I can see how our relationship with ourselves affects all other relationships thereafter. Thank you for sharing.
How beautiful that you have laid the foundation for a more honest, open and loving relationship with your dad Greg, and in turn set a foundation for more true loving and open relationships with all others in life. I feel the more we are our true selves and open up to relating to everyone in this way the truer the connections will be and a new level of depth and intimacy can develop. What a true inspiration you are!
Gorgeous letters and awesome connecting to the greatness of yourself and your dad. If we express in full without holding back how things are for ourselves we are able to connect on a different level and the other can feel that. Thank you for sharing
What a very beautiful letter, I very much love what you write here. It is an amazing reflection of how a relationship between a father and son can be about appreciating each other and enjoy each moment of connection.
Thank you Greg and Derrick for sharing your letters. It is beautiful to feel the depth of which you have opened up and expressed to each other.
Thank you Greg and Derrick My relationship with my father has been a good relationship, but based on all the wrong things. Our conversations are about sport, weather, work or how have you been feeling? Good. About 12 mths ago my parents were dropping me off at the airport after a short visit. My mother and i hugged as we always do, I approached my father and felt to hug him instead of shaking hands as we always did. I had not hugged my dad, certainly not since being a young boy. We melted into each other and I could feel how much he had wanted to hug me, but could not allow himself to go there. We now hug whenever we see each other. How much are we missing in our relationships because we hold back on what we feel?
How easy is it to forget that our parents are people too, vulnerable, dealing with their own issues and insecurities.
At some point we must grow and bring them the understanding and compassion we have yearned for from them – even if we did not receive it as we might have wished.
The most beautiful thing we can do is take our parents off the pedestal we demanded they stand on, and meet them heart to heart.
In this way we offer them wisdom and a stop moment. After all, is that not what we are here to do for each other?
This is beautiful Greg, how amazing that you felt to open up this conversation with your dad when it was not the way your relationship has been in the past. Shows that it is never too late to start talking about more than the weather. Thank you for sharing.
It was beautiful to read your letters, I was especially touched by your fathers reply, it was as if you gave him permission (by giving yourself permission) to be the greatness he is (you are)! I also loved feeling how continuing this is person was to the next step! I feel inspired to deepen and expand myself in relationship with my own father.
Thank you Greg and Derrick for sharing your letters. It is crazy how rigidly we hold ourselves back, even from those who have literally known us our whole lives, our parents and even more so ourselves. What this blog showed and reminded me was how we need not try, only a willingness to be with ourselves, to be ourselves, is enough and the words will just come. A work in progress for me but one where I know that speaking, thinking and performing harsh or belittling actions will not work towards achieving. We are all naturally tender and gentle and being open to feeling those qualities that I have felt support that amazingness to be felt.
The way you express, Greg, makes me feel that we are all equal, if we express from love.
Incredible how simple, yet how powerful, this truly is. What a learning for us all.
This is a wonderful sharing Greg. You have inspired me to go deeper with my relationship with self and my expression with others.
Greg this is beautiful & those around you cannot but feel the glorious potential that pours through you and your words.
Thank-you for inspiring us all to raise our relationships to a truer platform, to say no to the accepted normals that allow us to stay less. What a gift your father has in you, to speak from your heart and inspire him to express with his. Love is reborn.
How great you took the time to stop, reflect and sit down to write that letter to your father. Without it you may never have know how much you truly appreciate yourself, your father and your father appreciates you.
I loved your letter to your Dad Greg. The way you wrote with no judgement of him, calling for a new level of being. It surely came from your inner heart with much love.
Lately my perception that the quality and depth of conversations depends on the other person – has been blown out of the water. I have found when I express more love, truth, or whatever is called for, miraculous things happen. I am realising how responsible I am for expressing fully and how much we all need to act on those impulses like writing a letter to your dad.
This blog is a great reminder that at any time we can choose to connect with others at a deeper level and bring more of ourselves to the table. Most times that I do this, I am blown away that by how the simple act of opening up more and letting others in more they are there to meet me.
So beautiful to read Greg. It reminds me of the fact that at any moment in any relationship we have the opportunity to make a change and start making the relationship true and loving. Feeling this just fills me with joy, thank you for sharing the letters.
The letter you wrote to your Dad is so simple and beautiful, Greg. It inspires me to write to those others in my family who I feel I have never opened up to in deeper relationship. I never became really close to my father, and he died when I was 26, but I have been encouraged to write him a letter as part of therapy, and the letter was nothing like yours, and I can feel it would have kept us going round in circles.
I love what you have expressed here Greg – and the fact you did not hold back in what you expressed with your Dad. This is definitely something I have taken note of, and has inspired me for my future conversations and looking where I choose to hold back. No longer can we have ‘perfunctory’ conversations, or write ‘perfunctory’ comments for that matter – it just does not fit! Thank you for the reflection.
Greg and Derrick, thank you for opening up your beautiful communication for others to read. We tend to take our parents for granted for way too long, and there they are full of love to the best of their ability, just waiting for us to truly see them as people and let them in. I feel that we are not really ‘adults’ until we stand side by side as equal, loving humans with our parents, and be all our amazingness with them and see their amazingness too. Let there be open, truthful, loving letters raining down on parents and children everywhere!
Wow, Greg. The level of truth and understanding expressed in your letter is so inspiring. Even though the letter is addressed to your ‘dad’, what I feel is the absolute equalness and appreciation, with no expectation. This is so beautiful to feel. Thank you.
More recently I’ve felt how true this is “I could not hold a true and heart-felt conversation with anyone without first having a true relationship with myself (honouring who I truly am)”, and sometimes it’s an ache to feel that I want to connect more deeply or lovingly with others but struggle because I have not been doing it consistently with myself. It’s lovely to feel how easy it is to start unfolding this process, as inspired by others such as you Greg.
A loving example Greg of following your impulses and finding them richly appreciated.
Thank you Greg and Derrick for sharing your loving communication with each other. Greg you have explained how your ability to express your feelings was a result of the deeper trust you built with yourself and within the men’s group.
We can all deepen our connection and our loving communication with others, starting with connecting to ourselves. There is much here to take to heart.
This is really lovely Greg. Following that impulse opened up a beautiful connection with your Dad. It’s a great reminder for me not to ignore..
This is such a beautiful story Greg, thankyou to you and your Father for sharing so honestly
I loved the way you initiated the expansion of your relationship with your Dad and his very open and honest response.
What you and your father write here has as much poignancy and relevance to the mother-daughter relationship. Indeed to any relationship – family, friends, colleagues. But the key for me is in your revelation that you ‘could not hold a true and heart-felt conversation with anyone without first having a true relationship with myself (honouring who I truly am)’. Spot on.
Such a depth of love and honesty is shared here Greg. I was very moved reading this. I love the way that you explain how the depth of your relationships with others are a direct reflection of the relationship you have with yourself. I can feel how true this is and it absolutely wipes out any opportunity to blame another for ‘not being open to us’. If we express from the heart we may just be blown away by the love that reflects back to us.
Thank you Greg for sharing your letters with us. When I allow myself to open up and connect to my inner heart it is amazing what happens – there is no more hesitation or holding back. I can be all of me and somehow know that all of me is probably what the other person has been waiting for. The barriers that have kept us apart for so long just melt away and we are as one.
I love this, your letter from your father is beautiful and by you being you Greg has offered a huge healing to all your family.Thank you for sharing.
Greg this is such an amazing sharing, reading the letter to your dad made me cry. So beautiful how you expressed to your father, so honouring of both of you.
“I could not hold a true and heart-felt conversation with anyone without first having a true relationship with myself (honouring who I truly am).” – I completely agree Greg, thank you!
I have a deeper level of love I can bring to my own relationship with my Dad. Thank you for showing us the way, Greg.
Greg how exquisite such a beautiful sharing one that brought a tear to my eye, wow I love feeling the ever expanding quality of love between you and your father- beautiful.
Wow, very inspiring Greg Thank you. I could feel warmth and love when I was reading, very beautiful. I can fully appreciate the relationship you have with your father and it is heart warming to feel the depth you are willing to go with him. I also felt a little sadness surfacing because I do not have a relationship or contact with my father. I have let go of a lot of sadness and come to accept that in this life time I will not develop a relationship with my father which I longed for so many years as a child. The closest father daughter relationship I have experienced is with my father in-law. I have an amazing connection and love for him. When I see fathers who are tender, loving and caring towards their children it truly warms my heart. I appreciate and feel the beautiful amazingness that they are.
This is deeply inspiring Greg and supports me in my relationship with my father and reminds me to focus on the love we have for each other and to let that be truly expressed and felt. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this Greg. It is so true that without that connection to ourselves first we cannot truly commit to our connection with others and so the banter continues
Greg, this is a great reflection for me – my father also talks mainly about sport and the weather. I can truly feel his love and tenderness, and he gives fantastic hugs, but I feel expression in words for both of us could be much more connected and meaningful, I think that it is now time to start working towards that.
‘Some light hearted banter between a father and son is a reflection of our humanity and should always be seen as such.’ This is just gold.
Thanks for sharing the deeper connection you now have with your father, an admirable exchange between you both.
Lovely blog Greg, thank you for your sharing. My dad refuses all contact since I was 3 years old, however I was able to connect with him a few years ago. And by just being me and being honest, there was a healing for both of us, although no further contact was then established due to circumstances in his family. I am in acceptance of that as the healing was the part that was important for both of us.
It is so beautiful to read these letters to your dad and from your dad to you, reading what you have written it feels very true that ‘I could not hold a true and heart-felt conversation with anyone without first having a true relationship with myself (honouring who I truly am)’, so lovely that you honour yourself and can thus express how you truly feel to others.
Beautiful reflections shared here Greg, thank you. I too have found the more I express from what I know inside me, the quality of my interactions change, and these are a reflection of how I am with me. I have changed much in the way I relate to myself and this forms the foundation for all my other interactions and relations. It is so beautifully simple. How we are with ourselves is how we are with all others, no exceptions.
Something I’ve said since I can remember, is “if all else fails – honesty”.
Great to bring honesty to the table, and receive it back in kind, that we may all reveal who we truly are – our amazingness – as you so describe Greg, to each other.
Thank you Greg for this wonderful and beautiful blog, that is very inspiring for me. It will take some time to ponder on it, as it showed me a new side to look at the relationship between my Dad and me.
Greg, as I read this I had tears in my eyes. It was beautiful to feel how you opened up a truthful and loving conversation with your Dad, through honouring within yourself what is true, that you are amazing and nothing less. In that moment you inspired your Dad to choose to respond and connect with you in the same honouring and truthful way. Thank you for sharing with us and reminding us how important it is to open up true conversations.
Greg, I too was blown away by the honesty in your father’s reply, it was deeply touching and heart warming. What an amazing exchange between you both.
These letters made me cry. The beauty of sharing and expressing the love that you feel. I am inspired to tell our children of how amazing they are. It is so easy to just assume that children know we love them and forget to express it in words. Thank you Greg.
Hi Greg, I feel touched by your letter to your dad. It is a great inspiration for me to write to my dad and heal the difficult past.
How beautiful Greg that you can now be you with your conversations with your Dad. Now it doesn’t matter what the response will be, if you express all that you are, he will feel that too.
Just trying to connect to someone from your inner-heart allows and reflects another to do the same. Thank you, Greg and Derrick, for sharing these beautiful letters.
So beautiful to see men expressing such tenderness and love to each other. I miss my dad half a world away. I will write to him but also call him as soon as I have posted to the blogs. A great letter on both sides!
When you write it like that Tony its a bit of a shocker…”The problem being is that we have been tricked into thinking that a man is the provider, the rock, the hunter, the supporter, etc and to be a man you must be sporty, drink alcohol and perv on women.” Living with this warped ideal is madness. Re-imprinting that to be a true man or woman we just need to be ourselves and express from there is vital.
Wonderful expression, Greg. I loved the revelation you shared at the end: ‘the understanding that how I perceived our relationship, at the time, was merely a reflection to me of how my relationship was with myself: I could not hold a true and heart-felt conversation with anyone without first having a true relationship with myself (honouring who I truly am).’ This is exactly what, I realize now, was also happening with me in relation to my dad. I was as closed and hard as he was, e.g. I perceived him to be. As i have opened up more and more the past years, I have started to become more open with my dad. Not surprisingly he has opened up too. From very functional contact I had with him, I am having recently a much more loving relationship with him now.
Hi Gregg lovely sharing. My conversations with my dad over the years were short and far between as he like me are not great talkers on the telephone. When I rang home it was usually mum who answered the phone. The best conversation I ever had with him was a couple of nights before he died, I phoned home and mum was out so he answered the call and we talked for a long time. They were booked to come and see me in a few weeks time in England and we talked about what we were going to do and a lot of other things that didn’t involve sport and other superficial banter. I got off the phone and thought wow that was best chat I have ever had with my dad. Two days later I got a call to say he had died suddenly of a major heart attack, out of the blue no warning. On some level he must have known his time was up. I couldn’t help but feel sad to think where our conversations may have gone if he hadn’t passed.
Wow Greg, thank you for this and thank you for sharing these letters. You and you dad truly inspire me. I can relate to the more superficial relationship and having conversations that are more about others or things going on in the world. I always call this ‘having safe conversations’ because then you don’t have to talk about yourself/or the other. More and more I have come to understand that when I choose to do so, there is no true intimacy and true connection. The more I am building on my own relationship, the more all my other relationships deepen as well. The more connection I have with myself, I bring this into all other relationships. Also the one with my parents.
Your letter Greg felt free of investment and held much understanding and your steadiness in how you responded to the response was great to read and to feel.
Thank you Greg for sharing so simply and lovingly your relationship with your father developing so beautifully with your own expression with your self also. A great inspiration for all children and parents alike.
A beautifully inspiring read and being able to share such an intimate part of your life with us all shows the changes that have been made. Thank you, Greg.
Greg. Lovely to read your blog, the wonderful letter you wrote to your father, and his amazing response.
Universal Medicine has shown us how to be more open in love, and true feelings.
This was such a joy to read, Greg. The openness and deepening level of connection and communication with you and your father is gorgeous and shows what is possible when we open our hearts to more love.
Thanks for sharing your letters Greg. Through Universal Medicine Courses I have come to understand that my way forward with others is about a ‘true relationship with myself, honouring and accepting who I am’.
The love here in your writing Greg is palpable and moving as Golnaz has stated. When we open up to people and develop more understanding in our relationship with ourselves the love, the care and beauty just oozes from us. It is impossible to stop expressing love once we open up.
Well said Shevon. I too have found that the more loving, gentle and understanding I am with myself, the more loving, gentle and understanding I am with others. This is something to truly appreciate and continue to build on.
This is such a beautiful and moving article. It shows that it is well worth taking the care to communicate openly and tenderly to another. This opens up huge potential. And what a great example this post is, of the increased love that can flow as a result.
I have read this blog before but this time what struck me was, how you have now opened the door for a deeper quality to your relationship with your father and in turn he will start to notice this when he talks to other people.
It seems to me that a lot of the conversations we have can be quite superficial and functional, without any true depth to them – talking for the sake of talking.
I was visiting my son, and with the support of Universal Medicine, i told him that he was amazing and he did not have to do anything to be amazing. I could feel he did not believe it. I will keep saying it. I looked at his son , age 4, and it was easy to see his amazingness. Young children are a great role model for amazingness.
Greg, this is awesome – I love how you have taken the time to write a letter, and explain what you have been feeling in your relationship with your dad. I know that in my relationships I need to take the TIME to do this, it might not be a letter, but to actually talk, instead of just letting time pass and ‘hoping’ that things will change on their own.
I agree Jessica. The more I do take the time the more I am rewarded with deeper, truer relationships.
Thank you Greg, this is so beautiful and inspiring. “I could not hold a true and heart-felt conversation with anyone without first having a true relationship with myself (honouring who I truly am)” This is so true. If we cannot be truly honest with ourselves how can we be truthful with another?
Greg thank you for sharing your letter. It’s great to see how you have accepted him and allowed him to express more honestly. I have watched my father who has similar views like your father and he often says I have tried to provide the best education for my children, as I was not fortunate to have an education. It’s great when they express honestly.
Hi Greg … I had a similar experience in my relationship with my Father. I had not seen him for 5 years until last May, when a business trip meant that I could spend a few days with him in Tokyo. The moment that I arrived, I had presumed I would be lovingly welcomed, but being preoccupied by some other guests, he scarcely said hello to me let alone a hug or a kiss. In that moment when we first met, I had felt the expectation that I had put upon him was not met and so felt myself reacting in hurt. As soon as I become aware of this – milliseconds – I chose to not need him to express his love to me because I am already enough without it. Then I was not bothered by the way he was and for the rest of my stay, with that self-love present, I could actually appreciate him for the man that he is. Not the Father, provider or any other role. Just him. It was a great step forward in my relationship with myself and with him.
Thank you Jinya. I can concur with what you say here. The more I have deepened my love relationship with myself, the more accepting I have been with my father. Now, with zero expectation of what and who either of us should be, my relationship with him has never been more enjoyable.
Thank you Jinya and Mary for sharing that when we love ourselves, there is no room for ‘neediness’, or anything to be fullfilled, which leaves the space clear to just be yourself and thus able to fully appreciate the other. Awesome.
That is beautifully healing for me to read…to appreciate my father not for his roles, but for whom he is as a man!
This is pure gold Jinya – “I chose to not need him to express his love tome because I am already enough without it”.
This is such a tender, open and beautiful sharing. It’s great to see how an off-the-cuff remark, because of your own awareness and commitment to changing this old way of communicating, could lead to such a deepening of your relationship. I have found this true for myself too. When we become more aware and allow ourselves a deeper level of honesty and dare to express our true feelings we arrive at the truth and a place of true love.
Greg this is gorgeously beautiful. Such a gorgeous father son appreciation of each other. So beautiful.
I used to blame my dad for so much and through the help of Universal Medicine I have been able to let go of so much and really appreciate my dad for who he is – and not how I wanted my ideal dad to be!
I saw him a couple of days ago and although he’s not really able to hold a conversation for too long, this doesn’t matter because we look into each other’s eyes and all we see is love.
Greg, I have to say you have inspired me to express some suppressed feelings I’ve had about my relationship with my own father. It feels like you have really claimed yourself in your letter, and the expansion in you is obvious.
Lovely Greg, and you made the very important point that it didn’t matter what the response would be, even if you could guess it with pin point accuracy. You expressed what you knew was true and gave your dad the opportunity to feel that too, which he clearly did, and the honesty that came back confirms that. I’ve had a similar experience with my dad and what I got from it was an appreciation of him and all that he is, no longer needing him to be anything other anymore. Something deeply liberating for us both.
I can relate here to the way I have encouraged superficial relationships with other men and stuck to the ‘banter’ script to avoid that deeper more honest connection with other men. Very true what you have written that it is only through developing a deeper connection with ourselves that this is possible with others.
Yes, what we have around us is a reflection of what we bring. Thank you for sharing how you opened up to yourself and your father. It is up to us to honour where we are at and how amazing we are and so an alternative reflection of life will come our way.
Greg, I am inspired by your ability to accept the issues that are there and see the amazingness within a person; family in particular! …and James I appreciate your comment… I am so working on ‘not trying to help’ my family members but to just BE with them and learn from what is presented with openness and acceptance.
Thank you for sharing Greg, its great to see how one small throw away comment can lead to you and your father having a deeper relationship and by you writing to him, it gave him the opportunity to say what he really feels. Awesome.
This is so beautiful, thank you for sharing. When I read in your letter “that it can always be fixed with a triple cane” part of me felt agh that’s exactly the same sort of comment my dad has said to me through my life; but how you opened up to him and what you expressed to your father is so beautiful. In turn allowing him to be open and honest to you in a way you would have never expected, allowing you to have a deeper level if understanding. How great it is when we speak from our hearts in a place of honesty that is equal to another.
So lovely Greg and inspiring. It’s so true that as the love we hold for ourselves deepens all of our others relationships begin to reconfigure as the energy within needs to meet the other in equality, anything else doesn’t fit and really doesn’t feel right. The honesty of your expression to your Dad is very powerful – deeply honouring the love and amazingness that both of you are. Thank you.
Greg it’s so interesting that often I find the last people we really speak the truth to are our parents. It’s something I’ve observed in myself recently, but why? When we do speak the truth to them without fear of consequence, it is the most liberating and freeing experience, and like everyone, they need to hear the truth too! Amazing that you can claim who you are and speak the truth to your Dad now – very inspiring 🙂
Yes, I can totally relate to that feeling of ‘hiding’ from my parents – even though we enjoyed an open relationship and were encouraged to share openly, I always felt I could not truly share freely – that there was a judgement I held that I had not been truly met in childhood and therefore was not completely free to express from all of me – not even to my parents. It has taken me to this point in my life to realise this ‘game’ that is played and one which I have subscribed to as a parent myself with my sons. No wonder when they come home from school their standard reply to the question “how was your day?” is nothing more than : “Good!”
Your comment jumped out at me as I’m so aware of this difference between sharing openly (when I as a parent so often go into judgement) as opposed to allowing my kids to share freely. The difference is enormous, and changes the response from ‘Good’ (which tells us nothing) to a true sharing of what is going on for them in their lives.
To my feeling it was not only me as a child of my parents not speaking the trut to them but they where not doing that either and by doing so we kept each other in the constellation of protection and guarding that has become the normal way of behaviour in my family. All of this continues to go on until I chose to step out of this imprisonment and freeing all of us from this, opening the way to love in our relationships. That is the power of love and truth because in truth we all do not want anything else than being open and unprotected among each other in all the relationships we have.
This is really lovely Greg, what you have written is very inspiring ‘Having had the opportunity to share in the Universal Medicine inspired Men’s groups has undoubtedly provided the springboard to allow me to understand, recognise and begin to set aside the ‘superficial nature’ of my relationships with other men.’
Hi Greg – I was inspired by how just from your dad saying one ‘throwaway’ comment, you called it out – expressing how it was totally not needed or wanted in conversation between the two of you.
Thanks for sharing,
Cheryl (23) London
I agree Cheryl. I have come to realise what harm so called ‘light hearted banter’ and self deprecating caveats games can do. A big ouch when I realised that what I was saying was so that someone else would come back, tell me it wasn’t true and I would get an affirmation.
How much simpler to just learn to appreciate me for who I am and lovingly forgive the times when I lose touch with that
Thanks for sharing Greg, for me I felt really in your article the fact that it was time for a deeper connection not just superficial. It’s been a lovely journey so far developing that with my Dad and whilst very early days and I/we still hold back – the relationship we have now and my appreciation for the love I feel is very different to the years “growing up” – I felt a real opening up at a recent Universal Medicine men’s group – and now I’m simply learning how to be with the new openness – which is confronting as it asks me to be me.
Thank you for sharing Greg – powerful stuff – yet so simply said. I loved in the letter to your dad how there was no trying for him to get it rather simply an expression of love. When I lived abroad I would call up my parents and my dad would always say is there anything I can help you with or would try to pass me straight over to my mum – I would call him up on it as I knew the way he felt to help was to provide, slowly over the years since attending Universal Medicine courses, our relationship has developed both together and individually. Now it’s no longer about how my dad can help me, rather just about learning together.
Thank you for sharing your letter to your father, it is beautifully and simply written. It is an inspiration and I could feel the opening up and willingness to want to deepen your relationship with your father. It was lovely to feel how your father opened up to your letter and embraced your words, as Golnaz put so lovingly your father is from a generation where tenderness was not encouraged so to read his reply was also inspiring. Your letter has made me ponder on whether I could write such a letter to my mother….thank you Greg for the inspiration.
I love this article, thank you for sharing your experience of unfolding with your dad. You chose to open yourself, and with tenderness express from your heart, your communication itself was moving. Then your dad responded and that was such a joy to read. You opened yourself and let your dad into your heart, you let your tenderness and vulnerability be seen and you expressed from that place. So your dad, who is from a generation where such tenderness from a man was even less common place, found permission to connect to and express his own tenderness and his own wisdom. Awesome!
Beautifully summed up Golnaz on what was an inspiring heartfelt sharing between a son and his dad. Thank you Greg.
Beautifully summed up Golnaz on what is an inspiring heartfelt sharing between a son and his dad. Thank you Greg.
Dear Greg, thank you for this sharing, I feel what you have expressed here is key “the opportunity to reflect on the deepening of our relationships with others as we continue to unfold the relationship with Self.”
Well said Gyl. It’s interesting of the difficulty that Greg had ‘truly conversing with his dad’ was with one truthful letter melted away years of discomfort and awkwardness to reveal a connection that is simply divine, beautiful and loving. It makes me wonder what divine connection lies underneath all our relationships with others and our potential to deepen them if we just get all that other stuff out of the way.…
Thank you all for your recent comments – it has been some time since this piece was inspired and with re-visiting comes the opportunity to reflect on the deepening of our relationships with others as we continue to unfold the relationship with Self.
Three months ago I returned to visit my Dad in South Africa after an absence of over 4 years and it was magical to be able to connect and share ‘in the flesh’ from a point of holding true to that which I know to be true within me.
Thank you for your blog and follow up comment Greg….. It’s been beautiful and very inspiring to read how, from your initial impulse to write a letter to your Dad, from your innerheart, evolved later on, to a magical connection with him in person.
Will there be a follow up blog, I would like to hear more. I loved the honesty you have written with and find your experience inspirational.
Thank you Greg for sharing since this is so important to be said and powerful too: to hold true to that what we know to be true within us.
Thank you for this heartfelt sharing. It is beautiful to feel your expansion and how you are developing a deeper, more honest relationship with your father. What an inspiration for other men to feel the openness to being more intimate with him in the way you express to each other.
What an awesome and honest sharing, thank you.
Thanks for sharing your letter to and from your dad Greg, it is very touching to feel two men starting a conversation with honesty and humbleness. It is a wonderful freedom when we accept our friends and family for who they are and how they chose to be.
Vanessa, this really struck a chord, “accept our friends and family for who they are” – how very true. It does create such freedom and space rather than trying to make people something we want them to be, and in this allowing, the actual freedom and space then allows for so much more love, and joy and deep connection with another to be felt.
Absolutely Vanessa and Gyl accepting people for who they are allows for so much expansion personally and between you rather than the imposition of trying to live up to someone else’s expectations. I am learning so much about how I have imposed on others and it feels lovely to just allow relationships to unfold and let go of past hurts.
Absolutely accepting my friends and family for who they truly are, has been a great journey for me. As I am learning to accept my self, I am now more open to accepting others, this has been an on going unfoldment. For me the deeper I connect to myself and accept me, the easier it becomes to accept others. What I found when I could not accept myself for who I was, I was in constant comparison and judgement.
As I read these comments I feel myself just surrender and melt inside and a feeling of an immense amount of Love. Thank you everyone. It reveals that even though I have become more open there really is a simplicity of love and tenderness that we can allow ourselves to feel every day and with that there is no judgement, just love. To look at ourselves and another tenderly and to touch ourselves and each other with tenderness is the most beautiful gift we can give ourselves and each other. I know when I have been met in this way, regardless of what I have done I can only surrender to how naturally loving I am. It is not normal for us to hold back Love. We do a good job of trying to, but it’s not our natural way at all!
As I read Greg’s letter and each of the comments above the notions of acceptance, tenderness and understanding deepen in me and I have to ask are these present in each and every one of my relationships? Are they deeply rooted in my relationship with myself? I agree whole-heartedly Shevon that these are the most beautiful gifts for us all.
‘The true revelation however, is the understanding that how I perceived our relationship, at the time, was merely a reflection to me of how my relationship was with myself: I could not hold a true and heart-felt conversation with anyone without first having a true relationship with myself (honouring who I truly am).’ Beautiful and so inspiring Greg. I currently care for my 97 year old father and there has been a lot of healing of past tensions in our relationship but I feel there is so much more that could be shared if only I allow it. Thank you so much for your lovely reminder of the amazingness that we all innately are.
Thanks so much for sharing Greg, I can really relate to this and so admire your honesty and the simplicity of writing a letter, which is magical. What struck a chord is building that true relationship with ourselves, and from there we can develop with truth outwards.
Ditto Stephen, I have also been inspired by your wise words Greg to look at my relationship with myself before I look at any other relationship with others as being insufficient.
For me, it’s not just the simplicity of writing a letter but the simplicity and honesty that comes with a commitment to expressing and sharing more of ourselves with others.
Greg, this brought tears to my eyes – wowee, why because it made me realise how much of a barrier, a hardness and protection I put up between myself and others, definitely more so those very close to me, and definitely my parents. I do not allow myself to feel and see them for the amazingness they truly are just like me – when I do, I just feel so much love for them and myself, not our issues, not what we projected on the outside, but the love and amazingness that we really are. Both your and your dad’s honesty and openness has truly deeply touched and inspired me – thank you Greg and Derrick, all I can feel is so much love for my Dad and me. 🙂
I agree Gyl, i was deeply touched reading your blog Greg. I could feel how much i am holding back in relationships with my partner and my parents/family. How beautiful it feels when we allow ourselves to open up and to start a conversation based on love and appreciation.
Yes, tears to my eyes as well. My father is similar but I am not sure he would be able to write what Greg’s dad wrote. That letter is really amazing.
I’ve experienced this too Gyl – thinking I was open when in fact there was a hardness that was stopping me first and foremost from feeling myself as amazing – and secondly as a result, not feeling others as amazing. The more I have learnt to care for myself, and to reconnect back to feeling myself as amazing, the less protection and hardness there is and the more open I am and the more I feel others as amazing – which for me is feeling their natural and innate amazingness which has nothing to do with whether or not they are choosing to live this.
Beautiful – my boyfriend is just today experiencing a similar level of honesty and love with his Dad and it’s really amazing to feel.
Wow… this is deeply beautiful… thanks Greg and Derrick for sharing… it reminds me of what is most important… who we truly are… Amazing. 🙂