I spent most of my life trying to make time and space for me, to be by myself. I would work really hard to create this space and time. I felt I was only truly happy and relaxed when I was on my own. I could breathe freely, and do what I liked, when I liked, with no one making demands on me, judging me or telling me what to do.
Why did I feel that I needed to be alone to be myself? Why was I like this?
When I was young, I got hurt. Nothing terrible happened, but I felt hurt that people did not truly see me and feel how lovely I was, and appreciate me – just for being me. From that time I found it hard to be myself around people, even though I loved them, as I was always trying to please everybody (which is exhausting) and so, I was always looking for ways to be alone.
The irony was that despite this deep desire to be alone, I rarely was. I worked with people, I was nearly always in a relationship, and once I had children, I was never alone! This desire to be alone when I was always surrounded by people, created a great deal of tension in my body and in my life.
Nowadays, I rarely have a moment to myself, and yet I rarely feel the same tension. When I do, I know that something is not right with me.
So, what has changed?
I have let people in. Not through the front door, or into my bed (except my husband!), but into my heart and into my world.
I have allowed people to see all of me. Now I do not hide the parts I don’t like much and I do not pretend to be someone I am not.
I am much more accepting of myself, and so I am much more accepting of everyone else, with all their foibles, weaknesses, and great beauty. When I allow them to see all of me, I can see all of them… and we are all mainly wonderful.
I like myself, and that has made it much more possible to like other people.
What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.
Having time and space alone can be lovely – an opportunity to deeply connect with myself. But if I ever feel like I need time and space to be by myself now, I ask myself: what is going on? Usually this happens because I have reacted to someone, felt hurt, taken something personally, and then gone into a ‘shut down’ state – wanting to withdraw from people, trying to protect myself from further hurt. I have learned that this does not work! It creates a wall between me and other people, and this wall does not protect me. All it does is stop me from seeing and feeling what is true, which is the great beauty that other people are, and that I am too.
We don’t always behave beautifully, but we are lovely, and if I remain aware of that I am not so hurt by another’s behaviour, even if it may be love-less. I now see the love-less behaviour as something that the person has done, and not who they are. And I know that because we are love; if our behaviour is loveless, in that moment we are not truly being ourselves.
If I am just being myself there is a great space within me, and all the time in the world. And this spaciousness spreads and extends from within me and is all around me, and I live and breathe and move in this space.
This spaciousness that I am feeling has a quality of lightness and loveliness, of being able to breathe freely and move flowingly and feel connected with everyone and everything around me. I feel open within, and therefore open to everyone and everything else. It feels like there is no beginning and no end to me.
I then share this space with everyone else, joyfully feeling that they hold the same quality, which is love, within them.
I share it with my husband, my children, my family and friends and everyone I meet. I don’t feel that work is hard work, even though I work hard – for it is a chance to be with people, whom I love. I don’t feel I need time away from my family, for I love to be with them, and share my spacious space with them!
Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that. And then I have all the time and space in the world… just being me.
I am forever inspired by the life and work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Anne Malatt, woman, doctor, wife, mother, grandmother, Northern NSW, Australia
Further Reading:
Accepting All of You
Inspired by Universal Medicine… Just Being Me
A Space Just For Me
“When I allow them to see all of me, I can see all of them… and we are all mainly wonderful.”
I actually felt this on a deeper level recently, I was invited to go to a venue where there were a lot of people taking part in an activity. I wasn’t taking part so was able to just watch and observe a lot of people gathered together in one space. What I felt was that we are all the same underneath the veneer that we surround ourselves with. That as you say Anne we are mainly wonderful. I really enjoyed the feeling that humanity isn’t done for, that there is a definite change which can now be felt, a positivity. There is a part of us that will not be kept down and suppressed and that was what I was feeling that people are beginning to wake up from the overarching suppression and say no to it.
“I have all the time and space in the world… just being me” Beautiful appreciation of the love that we naturally are.
I love this Elizabeth, it shares with us how to be in all of our relationships even people we meet fleetingly.
A timely read just after waking and asking myself why I felt tension in my body. I love this ‘I am much more accepting of myself, and so I am much more accepting of everyone else, with all their foibles, weaknesses, and great beauty. When I allow them to see all of me, I can see all of them… and we are all mainly wonderful.’
Letting people in is so much fun, life can be super dull when we keep people at a arms length.
Space is a funny thing as it is all around us but is never empty, hm! so do we go to space or does it come to us? Seeing it is all around us and we are all more space than particles could it be that space comes to us and time takes us away from us? And if True what aspect of space comes to us and is it what we have all been searching for? As Anne has shared, “If I am just being myself there is a great space within me, and all the time in the world. And this spaciousness spreads and extends from within me and is all around me, and I live and breathe and move in this space.” So being “myself” and thus connected to our essences, inner-most, esoteric and or Soul allows the space to come to us and be with-us and reflected to others equally that the Love that is our essence comes to us when we eliminate all the ideals and beliefs we have, especially about time!
Great for me to be reminded about space right now, ‘If I am just being myself there is a great space within me, and all the time in the world. And this spaciousness spreads and extends from within me and is all around me, and I live and breathe and move in this space.’
I love this reminder, that everyone we meet is reflecting something to us, ‘What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.’
Learning to care and love ourselves makes such a difference to our lives, ‘I am much more accepting of myself, and so I am much more accepting of everyone else, with all their foibles, weaknesses, and great beauty.’
“I like myself, and that has made it much more possible to like other people.” And the opposite is true that when we don’t like ourselves we are more likely to find fault in others as well.
Mary when we don’t like ourselves we are much more likely to be judgemental of ourselves and others and so find fault not just in other people but with the world we play the blame game. I know this to be true because I have done this myself and I’m sure many others have too. It’s only recently that I have come to fully understand that our thoughts are fed to us from a consciousness and that I am not those thoughts, so if I do not like myself or criticise myself to know and feel they are not my thoughts from me but are thoughts being fed to me. This is a game changer because then I can check myself to find out why I’m having those kind of thoughts and what energy have I allowed in to have those thoughts? There is a huge science that we are not taking any notice of when it comes to the type of thoughts we have and why we have them. We just assume because we are having the thought then we must own that thought, but that is a lie we have fallen for.
I did not like myself very much the other day and it was so lovely to know that in that moment, I just needed to up the love/like and love myself even more. Prior to Universal Medicine, I would have put the boot in even more but now I know it is not the answer, and it is my choice to love me more.
Sarah quite honestly where would humanity be if it wasn’t for Universal Medicine bringing back the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom so that we can once again take the steps to resurrect ourselves from the grotesqueness of life we have subjected ourselves to. Humanity is under the cosh of an energy that suppress us all and keeps everyone down and out. The Ageless Wisdom teaches the world that there is a different way to live which is free from the crushing consciousness it is then our personal choice whether we heed the teachings or not. But now we cannot say we didn’t know. The whole world knows which is why it is in such an uproar.
I love the idea of treating everyone we meet, even if it is for simply a moment in the street, as “a gift”, for if we don’t stop and take the time to be with people, I feel that we are missing out on the possibility of some magical moments in our lives. I can see so clearly that the child sitting in the trolley in front of me at the checkout last week, who I played the smile game with, was a precious gift, one to remind me that it is often in the simplest of things that we find the most joy.
Thank you Anne.
You’ve made so many astute observations here Anne, I don’t think I would have received the same understanding from multiple psychology tomes! Your blog gave me many insights about myself to ponder on having often felt like I can only be myself when I’m alone, and about what may be going on when I want my own space “Usually this happens because I have reacted to someone, felt hurt, taken something personally, and then gone into a ‘shut down’ state – wanting to withdraw from people, trying to protect myself from further hurt.” Makes so much sense, thank you Anne.
This way of being in the world, where we’re connected to ourselves all of the time, and not craving that down time, me time moment – if this was our normal, I’m pretty sure wellness, productivity, relationships, commitment to life and work would all increase. We wouldn’t be constantly trying to escape from the pressures and strains that we put on ourselves by trying to meet others’ demands of us before we’ve met our own needs first. It’s not about being selfish, but recognising and appreciating that taking the time and space to sort our own needs and priorities actually supports everyone else: we’re steadier, more consistent, more with ourselves, and clearer in our intentions and interactions with others, and better placed to support others.
It is unfortunately quite rare for someone to be living this way these days. Most live only for self with little or no consideration of others much less holding these as equally amazing beings we all truly are.
It is true that everyone reflects something to us – meaning we are always learning and developing through others as well as through ourselves. So in avoiding people, perhaps there is something we are not willing to see. This blog shows what happens when we embrace this however, and the gift that is given back in being honest and open.
When we are connected to our love within we are complete, and with this completeness we meet everyone else, with no need to find time out to be with ourselves, for when we are connected to our own love we are also connected to everyone else, feeling the joy and spaciousness that loving connection brings to our lives
Jill there is something very magical and beautiful when we are full of ourselves which is really that we have filled ourselves up with the space that is the universe. Having that connection to the universe brings the connection to all others because we are all made up of the same material as the universe so it would make sense that because of this fact we can all feel our interconnection. This is another science we have forgotten. Why are we not taught these sciences at school? Imagine if we were all full of ourselves, then there would be no harm towards another, it would be impossible because we ourselves would be harmless.
Allowing others into our lives to the point where we are not afraid to show every side of ourselves can be super confronting, but at the same time it opens up so many opportunities and allows relationships to deepen beyond measure.
The more we honour ourselves and the movements we make that are deeply loving and support we are offered the space to offer more to others. In this space there is not time for anything less.
This was a great read for me this morning as I can feel that all I want is to be away from others, to have time on my own and am waiting for those moments. This blog offers me something to ponder on more deeply and look at where I am getting hurt, why and what is feeding this desire to be on my own.
This is great what your have shared Anne, for much is to be achieved when we allow our-self to feel the space through having a true purpose so we have created spaciousness instead of pushing through with a drive until we run out of time.
Pretending to be something that you are not is a game of ill truth that is feed to the world and no amount of masking to hide the inner turmoil we all feel when we are not being who we truly are.
Currently away on holiday, spending time with family, it has highlighted how I do not make time and space for me as much as I would like to, reflecting on this I can see how this impacts all relationships.
I feel this holiday has inspired me to have a renewed sense of commitment to myself.
It is quite the illusion to think that we can be ourselves when we take time out alone which often amounts to not very often and when it happens it is in exhaustion. And what does this say about the rest of the time? Do we spend this time regretting this part of our lives? Such a trap, and one I was hooked into for years. As with you Anne I have discovered there is a way to be with ourselves in every moment of the day, through being in connection to my essence within. From here the space to be myself is everywhere I go and sharing this quality with others is liberating, joyful and inspiring with no time out needed.
This is like heading in the opposite direction to the way in which the world is heading… And yet making space, taking a moment, is reflected in nature, and in the cycles of life, all around us.
Anne, I love this; ‘I have allowed people to see all of me. Now I do not hide the parts I don’t like much and I do not pretend to be someone I am not.’ I love the simplicity of what you are sharing and can feel what a beautiful, natural way this is to live.
“What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.” – I love this sentence Anne, and when I have honoured this all of a sudden there really are no ‘issues’ or ‘problems’ in life, only opportunities to learn and grow. Your sharing really helped me understand my own tendencies to want to be alone sometimes when I am reacting to something in my life and feel hurt or misunderstood/under-appreciated, and I can see how much this protection serves no one anymore.
Yes, love this reminder that every moment is an opportunity for more love, more awareness, more joy.. what if we saw life as a series of rich blessings and opportunities, with no pictures or conditions on what they looked like – just full appreciation of the potential for learning that is always there?
Love how you claim the truth when you feel you need “you time” it is showing you something more. There is a great deal of responsibility in this and a deep love of yourself which is not just beneficial for you but for all.
The more I have appreciation for how beautiful I really am and to allow myself to feel it as I go about the day and not shut this off depending what is going on around, the more I realise that this is what is really needed. I totally agree about having more space to enjoy being me and that this is the key to life, expressing all of who I am no matter what. Still very much a working progress and it feels like I am back on my trainer wheels and it feels so remarkable at the same time.
I love this comment Natalie. It made me smile and reconnect to my own beauty and reminded me that having more space not’ for me’ but ‘to enjoy being me’ is the key to life ‘expressing all of who I am no matter what’
You can honour everyone when you start honouring yourself .. Then you become also aware of what great gift you are for other people as well.
We are always weak in places where we are actually genius in. How could we otherwise know and do exactly what is needed to spoil or sabotage it?! Having chosen a very unsocial life almost all of my life, I know exactly what you are sharing here. And I do say unsocial, although I knew many people and had many friends. But there was always this relief, when I could with me on my own again.There was always this border no one could cross. Living and letting people in now is a 180 degree turnaround- everything changed through that… I might write a blog about it 🙂
There is a lot to relate of great significance in this blog with simple and life changing tools. 2 things that have worked for me:
– Letting people IN and
– Observing what is offered through reflection in others.
Both are fantastic to feel what is true – my job is then to be absolutely honest in what I am feeling.
We are so worthy of space, as space offers love – love to you and love to another. Meeting others in this space is wonderful, because you offer them to be who they are with however they are feeling.. Also, we allow space to be ourselves. The deepest love is shared by this. What a wonderful choice.
Every moment is an opportunity to appreciate what is on offer whether that is the expanding or the confirming of our love. Recently I have been appreciating and confirming the love within me and this has been lovely. To call out that which is not love is super supportive and loving but to confirm the love within is also super supportive and loving too!
Anne, there is a tremendous wisdom that comes through in your writing. A wisdom that knows who we are and to where we are headed and so there is no need to rush or worry, just allow and accept the journey of returning to the soul to unfold so that we all may be together and each be a part of that journey in support for each other – whatever that journey may look like or take the shape of, the soul is always present.
When we associate being hurt with being with people, it follows that we will crave time out. If this is the case, being alone feels like the safe option, as there is no one to hurt you. However, I am finding that although this may seem to work on one level, we are designed to be in community and relationships. The safe part of us knows we are missing something deeper that we crave. The key for me is to be able to be myself and respect my feelings when I am with people, so the need to retreat isn’t there.
Beautiful to read Anne, so relate to the being hurt and closing down to letting people in, I am just starting to shift this and find myself looking for hurts and justifications for not being open and vulnerable. It is so not worth it.
It’s quite a trap working hard and being out there giving to others in order to give yourself the reward with alone time. I have had the same pattern and I can see that it is the way I was with other people; the pleasing, being nice, not being myself that was the problem and not the people. When you hold yourself and stay steady with yourself there is no need for the alone time.
I no longer feel the need to fix things for others which leaves me free to enjoy their company rather than feeling drained by it.
I used to champion the fact that I needed time alone to reconnect with myself but it never worked because I was shut down to myself as well as others and thus feeling a constant tension which was exhausting. As you say it is when we choose to open up to others that the space expands and we can be ourself whether we are alone or in a crowd.
Learning to appreciate who we are inspires us to equally appreciate others.
This has also been a behaviour of mine that is to withdraw when I felt hurt but now I am choosing to go in the opposite direction and connect to people sometimes immediately when I find myself hurt. To share and express with another brings about healing and what I am realising is that it is the absolute love I can give to myself in that moment.
I love this blog. It is so relatable – I remember how much I used to want to escape and not talk to anyone, needing solace from the world. Now the solace is within me, I simply need to come inwards back to me while the hustle and bustle exists in all its warts and ugliness around me. And that is how we inspire the inward movement back to who we are to others as well.
It really is quite simple – we create space for ourselves – we are then more present and loving with others.
The changes that you have made sound very simple and obvious but when we are nursing hurts or living protected, letting people in and allowing them to see the real you can feel daunting. What you have shared about accepting yourself and liking yourself feels key to no longer needing to hide or protect the real you.
True Anne, Pleasing everybody is exhausting and made me a woman holding a lot of frustration and resentment in my body also way to not let people and avoiding the deep love I have for others.
Anne it is so true, not being ourselves and trying to please others is exhausting – no wonder we would want time away from people to recuperate and just be. That transparency of simply being all of ourselves with everyone in our weakness and beauty is liberating in many ways.
I know the wanting time and space for myself well. For me it was only ever about shutting off from the world no matter how hard I tried to convince myself otherwise.
Sometimes I can see that there is a tension created by feeling out of control which can create an aching desire to be alone – where full control can be enjoyed. This kind of desire though is isolating as I have also observed how it actually does not support anyone to return back in to life again, able to fully embrace what may come. However, what I am coming to understand is how there can be an inner harmony being lived with at all times – a deep connection with oneself – and so you are never not alone and you are never without people, life is one continuos stream that holds you, and everyone equally with the freedom to feel loved, and for me this has become far more important than having a sense of control, which is a big turn around because I used to scramble for time and space to just be with me – which I understand now was a longing for the one life of continuous love to be felt and experienced once again.
When we hold back parts of us because we see them as less than things we are more mastered in we are forgetting that we are all human beings full of imperfections that we are here to learn to master and let go of.
I like the part about knowing that something is not quite right in yourself when you feel the tension of wanting to be away from people again, and how you can feel very much at ease when you are with people and how in fact this is actually your normal way, to be with people as much as you are with yourself.
Anne, this is interesting to read about how you used to feel when you were alone; ‘I could breathe freely, and do what I liked, when I liked, with no one making demands on me, judging me or telling me what to do.’ I had some time alone recently while my family were away and enjoyed the freedom and not having demands made of me and I enjoyed putting myself and my needs first, this made me realise that I can live like this all of the time – putting myself first and honouring my natural rhythm and that I do not need to be alone to do this.
Wow you can really feel how exhausting it is to keep people out. The space we so desire to have is actually made by creating the space within, and to do this we accept and appreciate all we are for just being us. When this is appreciated we love to share who we are, we accept that we are worth being loved.
I used to run from going deeper in my relationship, when asked I would say I wanted to but my movements did not match what I was saying, in fact my movements were often saying back off.
Over time I am learning to drop the protection and let love in, and wow is this extrodinary, we are made to love, be love and receive love, nothing in the world beats the feeling of truly connecting with another.
I love how you write Anne – always offering a greater depth of ourselves and each other to connect to. When we are our real selves that is no doubt we are a gift to the world. Imagine then if we all embraced being who we are, just how greatly enriched our lives and the world would be.
When we are accepting of ourselves, the tendency to shut people out doesn’t exist anymore because we are more accepting of others.
This is so cool that the change came from you. What an awesome sharing that it is as simple as being open and starting with yourself that has the ability to let others in.
I have found that when I have invested in the world wanting a ‘return’, I come away from that feeling exhausted. When I come to the world full of the love I am, seeking nothing in return, my level of vitality is endless and so in both these instances the term ‘Space’ has a different meaning – I loved your comment Anne – ‘Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that. And then I have all the time and space in the world… just being me’ – absolutely confirming of what is true
Spaciousness is a wonderful word… it is a wonderful feeling… a sense of lightness, and interconnectedness that is our true nature
It is a very precious thing to start to feel the loveliness that is innate within us all
I used to go quiet, like pulling myself right into a ‘shell’. I would stop talking and start walking and walking until I realised that no one was going to come looking for me so I had to walk all the back again. It was so hard once in this cone of silence to get out of it, to open my mouth and start to speaking again; no issues would have been solved and usually no one had any idea how I felt. I hadn’t felt like this for many years until a few weeks ago when I felt the pattern trying to make its way into my consciousness. It felt so horrible that I chose to pull quickly back out of the shell and back into my life and the wonderful people that I love sharing it with; no shells needed anymore.
“What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.” This is a beautiful realisation. Whether we cast a judgement as being ‘good’ or ‘bad’ – in fact what we see in others is a reflection of how we are ourselves. There is in fact no good or bad, but bringing an understanding to all, a true gift that supports with accepting life. Then we can make changes, if we choose to.
“I now see the love-less behaviour as something that the person has done, and not who they are. And I know that because we are love; if our behaviour is loveless, in that moment we are not truly being ourselves.” I love this blog Anne especially this last sentence, it is so easy at times to get caught up in reaction and loose sight of this fact, that in fact we are love first and foremost before all the layers of hurt and protection are placed over it.
Ann, this is lovely, ‘What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.’ I have found this too, i used to be very judgmental of people, and only really want to talk to and be friends with certain people that I considered were similar to me, I no longer feel this way and I see the loveliness in everyone and enjoy connecting and talking with lots of people that I meet, not having the judgment is very lovely and means there is no barrier between us.
‘I like myself, and that has made it much more possible to like other people.’ This has been paramount to my development also. The difference in me is enormous since actually starting to like myself. This idea that I ‘hate people’, which of course was never true, but often felt like I just wanted to be away from everyone. These days, people don’t annoy me anywhere near as much as before….(occasionally yes), and I’m so much more open to being me and therefore letting others be themselves.
I went away with my family for a month not long ago and when we got back to work and our lives of school days etc I really missed being with them, it was lovely to feel how much I enjoyed just being with them, hanging out with them with no time out required for any of us. Funny enough it is like you share when things get on top of me that I want to get some space so it is just awesome to have a marker in my body that knows how much I love them and love being with them that puts to bed any thoughts that counter this.
” everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.” this is gorgeous Anne and really a attribute that we all should learn whist growing up, to know and live this sets a life full of joy.
Wow Anne, this is very gorgeous to read, ‘When I allow them to see all of me, I can see all of them… and we are all mainly wonderful.’ it is great to have this reminder, this makes me feel that if I am always aware of this fact, that we are all wonderful – including myself, then I will not go into judgment and thus seperation with others as I sometimes do, instead knowing that we are all by nature and in truth loving, wonderful human beings.
It is interesting to observe our behvaiours and to be aware of how we feel when we are alone or with people. I have found being around people can be challenging at times when we are already feeling shut off and in protection. Often being around people can bring up stuff for us look at. For example, people can do or say things that triggers an old hurt that we haven’t healed, or there can be jealousy or comparison present, etc. Being alone we don’t have these dynamics or reflections, but having these reflections and challenges is an opportunity to learn and grow.
Lately I am learning many new words and have just learnt another one here … foibles. The only thing is as soon as I have learnt them I forget them!!! It is great what you have shared here Anne and lovely to know how so much has changed for you. Putting up energetic barriers towards others never works it just keeps the hurts etc in and does not aid true healing. Also from experience the whole ‘time out’ or ‘wanting time for me’ thing is a complete illusion and many times when I have wanted ‘time for me’ have then got completely distracted with things like social media so in truth I do not have that quality time with me I wanted … BUT also as you share here the quality with which we are with ourselves can stay consistent throughout whether we are with people or on our own .. this I have experienced and its a beautiful thing.
How can love be anything else than all inclusive everything else has to be loveless and once a true understanding of love has been reached then it freely flows to everyone just like the sun cannot stop shining its radiant light we also cannot stop the love from radiating out it is just withheld because of our hurt and rejection that have disconnected us from truly shining all we are.
When we are living in disregard then the cycle of exhaustion can govern our world and to really be with others feels impossible beyond the practical demands. Observing this cycle and choosing to see that it is in how we are with ourselves is the first step in exposing the emptiness we are surviving on. By being honest and taking responsibility for what is happening is all that is needed to change the self perpetuating cycle of disregard. Your blog is exposing Anne of the roles in particular that women take on in order to be seen only to build resentment as time goes on. It is so easy to turn the cycle of disregard into a cycle of self loving once we claim how gorgeous we really are.
When I now reflect back to the way I use to live, I always could not wait to have time out and space for myself, now I can see how I was shutting everyone one out, I was truly living in an illusion as I was create a false sense of space. Now I am always with people and amongst people, the only time I am alone and even then I am not alone is when I go to bed.
I totally relate to what you have written about needing to separate to create perceived space in the past and not needing to now having found the space within.
Wanting to have ‘time out’ from people, from life, from anything is a definite warning sign that things need to shift in the way we are with them – so we don’t need an escape, but rather can hold the spaciousness continually.
When these signs come up, they are an opportunity to look at why and how we have been living to come to a point in our life where we would want ‘time out’ from people. It is not natural for us to be alone and isolate ourselves. When we choose to recoil into isolation from people it is a sign that we are simply deeply hurt.
A beautiful blog to come back to Anne as it is such a lovely reminder to accept and appreciate ones self and thus all equally so.
Recently when feeling a (what felt like) a very large, overwhelming hurt my previous go-to behaviour was to cut myself away from people. But as I have been letting people into my life, seeing more of that beauty within myself and them I am finding that antisocial behaviour simply isn’t me anymore! which is amazing to feel how uncomfortable staying away from people is in my body. And unloving behaviours that used to have me want to avoid people say at work no longer have me running for the hills, with more understanding there is more of a willingness to be with that person regardless of what they are choosing to express. This is far from perfect but I’ve never stopped to appreciate how much I have changed over the last few years.
Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that. And then I have all the time and space in the world… just being me. This is such a beautiful place to find yourself Anne, enjoying your own company through your body and feeling how joyful it is to be you in all that you do. I too have found this when I don’t feel this, I know I have momentarily left myself and the joy that is naturally me.
The concept of trying to find space or time is interesting – it’s like assuming that we don’t have it or are not a part of it already.
I too used to have this need to be alone because I was so much missing a true connection to myself and therefore absorbing all that was around me and getting overwhelmed. Now that I have learnt to connect to myself, I have discovered that I can remain with myself in any situation and still be connected to others. Therefore there is much less need to attempt to control the outside in an attempt to provide what I am not living and giving to myself.
“What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.” So true Anne. We can learn from everyone and everything in life – using them as opportunities to deepen our connection with our essence, with our fellow humans – and to evolve
On reading your blog this morning Anne I was struck by what you have expressed here;
“And I know that because we are love; if our behaviour is loveless, in that moment we are not truly being ourselves”.
This is so true; our responsibility is certainly to live the love that we are.
i find I am always with myself when I am with my body.
When I am present with myself in the moment I never feel crowded by those around me or the demands that come my way but if I am caught in complications and separated from my body I can easily become overwhelmed and exhausted which means that I want to escape from others. This awareness has brought the responsibility for my life and the quality of my Livingness back to the choices I make.
It’s a very valuable awareness when we clock that to be with ourselves we don’t need to meditate for 10 hours and be alone on a silent retreat with no stimulation at all apart from the stream of thoughts that we are never really free from… It’s now a simple choice to connect to a quality of stillness within and that that can be done anywhere, anytime with anyone. Perfect!
Since I open and express myself more I realise how much I love people and how every interaction can be appreciated because we are all alike and like you say Anne we can learn so much from each other.
In a conversation with some friends only recently, we talked about ‘needing space’, work is so hectic, constantly dealing with people, exhausted and just want to ‘have space’ on the weekend and preferably have a ‘break’ from people. It was not like that for me, but i remember when i twas like that, my whole life was about planning the next moment to have ‘space and time alone’ – when will i get that moment. But now, i do not even ‘think’ about it., ‘my space’. My relationship with myself has completely changed as all that Anne described resonates. It was not space from others that i needed, it was to stop the way i interacted that i wanted a break from. I exhausted myself by giving, putting others first, and people became a demand on me…all because i was not connected to me and considered and valued myself. Now that i do, i can let me out and let people in, where connection happens and this actually deepens my relationship with me and others and actually it is energising rather than exhausting.
I just love your descriptions of what letting a person in really means for you Anne…. The transparency of oneself, warts and all, invites many others to come take a look, and in this be inspired by a person’s realness, lightness about life, their honesty and truth of the world…and who’d not want to come up close, be with, and spend time with this including ourselves – of ourselves, for the sense it makes!
Letting people in simply changes our lives, when we let in other people we understand them and ourselves better.
“I am much more accepting of myself, and so I am much more accepting of everyone else” so true Anne. When we drop the self judgement and appreciate the beauty of who we are then this is also how we meet others.
Great what you share, I am too finding that the more I open up to others the more I can feel the space within myself and therefore I no longer crave for that space alone. If at any point i feel I need to be alone, thats when I take moment to feel what have I let in to make me feel this way.
It’s amazing how when we open up to others then we don’t crave space away from them, when I was constantly putting on a front around others I needed time on my own to regroup ready to put my mask back on. It has been such a relief to start being more authentic and I too have found myself more accepting of others and the reflections that they offer me.
The more we create space within ourselves the more time and space we have to give others.
It’s amazing how being more accepting of oneself and allowing others in can transform how we feel about being around others. It’s really interesting to read that in you wanting to be alone now is a sign that something is off kilter. When I stop and think about it how we are designed to live, (Which is in groups and wider societies), avoiding being part of this has to say something about the way we are with ourselves and with each other to want to escape that?
I can relate with this, but it never was the answer as I found like you, ‘I found it hard to be myself around people, even though I loved them, as I was always trying to please everybody (which is exhausting) and so, I was always looking for ways to be alone.’ What you share in this blog is what I too am embracing.
I like this feeling of just being me, with every fault and imperfection out there to be seen. This makes life so much sweeter and more enjoyable with other people, because there is no game being played about who i would like you to see, it just is me.
” I felt I was only truly happy and relaxed when I was on my own. I could breathe freely, and do what I liked, when I liked, with no one making demands on me, judging me or telling me what to do.” I can relate to this, for many years I use to strive for this, but very rare did I get the chance, it was my way of hiding from the world thinking, being alone I would not get hurt. But this was not true, I now am with people all the time and there is no worry about getting hurt.
If we put up walls within to not truly connect with others we are first putting a wall up towards ourselves. Where as taking this down brick by brick and starting liking/loving ourselves allows us to be with ourselves wherever we are or whoever we are with. It allows love both in and out ????
Hello Anne and I love that you have detailed ‘everything is a reflection’ and so what reflection do you want? If you want the struggle the fight the overwhelm then keep adding those things into the mixture. If you want appreciation, care and love then add those things. Remember the old saying you only get out what you put in, well really what are you or we putting in? What is the quality of what you are adding that can only return to you? This is an ongoing realisation as I am seeing, a living work or document that you forever add to. If we want to change the world then all we need do is to stop putting in things that add to things not changing. By changing the quality of what the ingredients are you are always going to end up with a change in what is produced. It’s not about getting to the end point and looking for solutions but back tracking to see how things started.
I like this sentence Anne – ‘What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.’ It’s so true, and my observation is I can learn a lot from people I usually avoid or feel uncomfortable with. It’s not so much the person, but my reaction to them that I am starting to investigate.
I too love the work of Serge Benhayon and what he has shared about relationships- his work is life and world changing when lived in full. The reflection he offers is divine and reminds me of a greater love I had forgotten but know deep inside.
‘What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.’ Vey well said Anne. When we stay open in our interactions and relationships true beauty and connection can emerge from that most challenging situations.
Anne I remember the same feelings of disquiet in my body, it was like I was wriggling to get away from people and situations. Then I would be by myself and I would feel alone….. It was a mix that never left me feeling at ease. Now since developing a loving relationship with myself, it has dissolved the anxiety and I am at home in whatever situation, with anyone and everyone, feeling a oneness and enjoying the reflections they bring.
I love what you have written in this blog Anne, such a lovely reminder. Today I was particularly drawn to this sentence which is so loving, expanding and inspirational, my heart sings;
“This spaciousness that I am feeling has a quality of lightness and loveliness, of being able to breathe freely and move flowingly and feel connected with everyone and everything around me. I feel open within, and therefore open to everyone and everything else. It feels like there is no beginning and no end to me.
“What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.”
What you have expressed here Anne is a beautiful learning and reflection for us all. To hold our true selves in the world, making loving responsible, true choices, allows time and space to open up; how precious and divine is that.
I love to pause re-connect and regather. These moments feel very necessary to appreciate the space I am in.
Beautiful blog Anne. When I find myself living by the hands of time I find I never have enough space. The more I remain present with myself and not in some future place, space is just there… it is all around us.
Anne, this is very beautiful to read and very relevant for me today, I was just feeling that I wanted to be by myself for some time, to have some space, but I can feel that this is because of how I have been living the last few days rather than anything to do with my family, that because I have eaten things that have made me feel dull and because I have gone to bed slightly later than usual that I am more tired and more irritable than usual and so not wanting to deal with people and just wanting time alone – interesting to reflect on this and take some steps back to see what happened that made me feel this way today.
Thank you Rebecca. I feel the same and I realise that it is for the same reasons. I knew it really but did not want to take it on board. Although I have already thrown out the coconut cream that had made it’s way back into my diet recently. This cream is a comfort food for me an it leaves me with mucous and less clarity.
I can relate to fantasying about being alone, just wanting that space to even know what I might want. The funny thing is, each time that space presents itself, it is filled, by what you may ask? Well, to be frank, by anything that comes along, as what I am really longing for is the ability to prioritise myself, not the literal space. My pattern is feeling like everyone else’s things are more important than I am, so even when space is there, it’s not for long. What I am learning is the fantasy is the lie because what I am truly craving and yearning for is the ability to hold myself in the world, to remember I am important and that if I don’t take care of myself, then everything I do there after for others will lack any true nurturing quality.
Hello Anne and so time and space seems to be related to how you live or how you are with yourself. I often relate time to a clock and very rarely does the clock say I have all the time in the world these days. It usually is putting pressure on me to find time or to fit things in. But who is putting pressure on time, can it be the clock or is it me? The clock and day don’t go faster when you are not looking at them as we may often think, they stay constant. There has been 24 hours in a day for as long as I can remember so how can it be that time appears to speed up and also slow down? It has to be the way I am, the way I’m moving and living that has the relationship with time and space. I have found days when I’m still in each moment the best I can time opens up but if I go into just getting things done then time goes super fast. We are always being called to grow and so the relationship with time or the relationship with how you live also needs to change and evolve. The only reason for me time closes in is because I have missed a ‘living’ mark or I haven’t responded deep enough to what’s being asked of me and gone into the just get it done mode.
‘What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.’ Beautifully said and very true Anne, many years ago I would have rejected what you said because I was in too much judgement or blame with others. Seeing the beauty and love in myself I now welcome the reflection that others are constantly offering and how truly supportive this can be for us to grow and evolve.
Stunning blog Anne and beautifully detailed and a journey from space-less to space-full I can totally identify with. Indeed, the more we express who we really are, the more space is offered in and around us and this is truly fabulous to feel.
I love what you have expressed here Anne, so wise and thus inspirational;
“I am much more accepting of myself, and so I am much more accepting of everyone else, with all their foibles, weaknesses, and great beauty. When I allow them to see all of me, I can see all of them… and we are all mainly wonderful”.
Accepting and appreciating oneself is certainly the key to accepting and appreciating others.
I have found time a huge obstacle that is often talked about with the rate at which society is pushing through. The words “I just didn’t have enough time” or “I wish I had enough time” is the golden answer everyone is looking for. This blog is a great reminder of the small steps we can take that bring change rather then looking for it all at once.
It is such a good question to ponder upon – “Why did I feel that I needed to be alone to be myself? Why was I like this?” How come we believe we need this space just for our selves, how come we fel we need to be on our own to be with our selves in truth? Wouldn’t it be so much easier to just be who we are no matter where or with whom? I am sure it’s a lot more empowering than living a role trying to fit in…
I so agree – feeling spacious is connecting with everything around me, it makes life so colourful and full of awesome opportunities for connection with others, love your blog Anne.
I can feel I am still getting to know myself and work out how I feel about things and getting to know my true qualities and so there are times where I do need some of my own time to come back to myself and work out how I feel. I can also feel that there will be a time where I will no longer need this too.
I used to find people too overwhelming to be with and have etched out a life for myself that I did not physically see and meet people. I hid in a remote part of my city and lived like a recluse, I had all the peace and quiet you could ask for, every night the sound of ocean waves lulled me to sleep. But having all this time and space to myself, did not bring me more joy and I eventually found it was greatly limiting to the expression of my true self. But the time I spent alone was necessary in that I truly listened and heard what would not have been possible in the non-stop mad rush of daily city life, because I began connecting back to myself, and from this connection there was the awareness that isolation is not the true way for me.
The process of accepting oneself is an amazing process that always put a smile on my face. We are always opening up to a deeper relationship with ourselves when we accept more of us, I find this process to be deeply inspiring. What is the most inspiring is the limitations I have defined myself to be (and for so long) start to dissolve, and there is a deepening that opens me up to much more. The deep trust and surrender in this process also feels truly beautiful. When this is the level of beauty we hold ourselves in, how can we not hold one another in the same acceptance?
Whenever I feel there is the need to be alone, I am actually looking to connect back to myself deeper, rather than really wanting to be physically alone. And therefore, instead of actually withdrawing from people, I connect and communicate with them more.
I enjoyed the article Anne, an awesome and healthy outlook on life and other people
‘Why did I feel that I needed to be alone to be myself? Why was I like this?’ Great question Anne. Our relationships have become skewed as a result of the contraction around hurt that we have employed to protect ourselves from further hurt. Re-connecting to the love of our innermost and opening up to people while observing and understanding means that we can actually be ourselves anywhere and with anyone – being in the world but not of it. True medicine.
I was just stopped by the first sentence of this blog….. ‘I spent most of my life trying’. I suspect that is pretty universal that we are all exhausted from constantly trying. Trying to be what? Something that we are not already… its a kind of group insanity – rather than just being who we are.
Oh so true – trying, a hideous word really as it implies we tried but… being is just so much more and offers so much more, in fact just being who we are, and that is awesome anyway 🙂
The irony of this is many people (nearly half or more of the population?) feel alone but don’t want to be!!! What it comes down to is the relationship we have with ourselves and what the QUALITY of this relationship is. Many many times throughout my life I have been on my own, yet, not truly been with me. I was either distracted by other things (tv etc) or checking out (not wanting to be present) with alcohol or smoking. A while ago I had a really busy day at work and at the end of it when I had something else to do with someone had this feeling of ‘I just want a moment to or by myself’ however, this beautifully showed me how in the day when I was with people I hadn’t let myself be with me first and foremost! I love what you have shared here ‘Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that. And then I have all the time and space in the world… just being me.’
When we choose to have a truly loving and honouring relationship with ourselves and hold strong in that, this forms the basis for all other relationships, as what we will and won’t accept for ourselves, cannot help but be reflected in how we are with others, as they will be one and the same.
Staying with and being aware of the loveliness inside is the antidote to any argument or any war.
The beauty that space offer us, is the expansion and quality of life that presents us with such flow and lightness, to be ourselves. That is a true gift and confirmation of who we are.
Just love this Anne, and we can do it anywhere, anytime – ‘ Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that. And then I have all the time and space in the world… just being me.’
From being more open and honest with myself I have found that same quality reciprocated by those I meet, my work colleagues, family friends, it changes how we are with one another bringing a far deeper connection than in the past when I spent having superficial meaningless conversation, and as a result I feel very joyful in the things that I now do and the people I meet too.
Love what you expose about our tendency to withdraw when the going gets tough and the tough get hurt. It’s a false economy to stay away from people, because as you say, ‘everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people’ – even when what we’re able to learn might be difficult to swallow. A reflection, perfectly timed, can assist us in evolving as a person, should we choose to take up the message that’s on offer.
Truly gorgeous blog Anne, so open and honest. Makes us open our eyes and see what it is that we think we are and if this is truly who we are or not. It totally rocks on what it means to be in space and allowing yourself and others to be specious (space that is ‘being yourself’ basically) and that straight away is palpable for someone you meet and they can feel inspired to be themselves too. Very good example of that is Serge Benhayon for me, as by his reflection of spaciousness I knew I could be my full self – and allowed myself by virtue of this reflection to surrender to my own inner-truth (being myself, with everything I feel).
I can relate to what you say here, Anne Malatt, about wanting to have space and time for yourself as a child. I loved the moments when I could just be with me and be myself. What I realize now as an adult is that, although having time to ourselves is important, I was using that space to keep myself apart from others, as protection.
Now I see that both connection with others around me and having time just for me are equally important.
I remember wanting to have space for myself, at the time with no real understanding as to why, other than to have some quiet time, now I understand that what I truly wanted was time with me, the true me. Through Universal Medicine presentations, I have learnt how I spent my energy being somebody else that I thought everyone wanted. I had lost my connection to myself, which I have reconnected back to, and now I don’t need that space for myself, because even when I am with others or doing things, I am just me being more of me.
“I have allowed people to see all of me. Now I do not hide the parts I don’t like much and I do not pretend to be someone I am not.” This is very powerful Anne, what a statement to make, I can feel the strength in it. To be open to people and truly let them in, is not something we are taught to do or even told how important it is.
Anne this following change you have made got me: “I am much more accepting of myself, and so I am much more accepting of everyone else, with all their foibles, weaknesses, and great beauty. When I allow them to see all of me, I can see all of them… and we are all mainly wonderful.” This is really inspiring and an invitation for me to accept myself even more as to see all of people means to have a real connection with them and that is what is so beautiful.
Gorgeous blog Anne. I plan to pay much more attention to my attempts to withdraw from other as a result of reading this as I can see that withdrawing is never really true for me. Thank you.
Anne you wrote: “We don’t always behave beautifully, but we are lovely, and if I remain aware of that I am not so hurt by another’s behaviour, even if it may be love-less.” That is really a very good advice as it can help me to stay open and not so judgmental – Thank you!
Space is; ‘I feel open within, and therefore open to everyone and everything else. It feels like there is no beginning and no end to me.’ Beautiful expressed Anne, we are a part of the all.
Feeling spacious has nothing to do with having a lot of time or not having anything to do. For me feeling spacious is like you share, really being open and in connection with everything around you.
For me this spacious feeling comes about when I really care for myself, and nurture myself. I now get up a lot earlier than I used to and find these hours before the world wakes up so precious. Likewise at night I allow myself space to prepare for bed and a good nights sleep. When I don’t to these things I feel pinched and my day does not flow so well. Some days I see a lot of people and some hardly any yet I am able to enjoy myself either way.
Thank you for this blog Anne. Re-reading this has really highlighted how exhausting performing behaviours that are not truly us are and how withdrawal from any part of life is not part of our true nature. Naturally we are highly social and open beings to everything and everyone.
This is a very insightful sharing to re read Anne. I used to think I would love to have more time for myself too but when I did have that time, it became something different to what I imagined . I do enjoy having some time to follow a solitary pursuit occasionally, such as artwork or reading.
Beautiful blog Anne, the connection with ourselves and with others creates the space that we so long for, as we don’t contract but show all that we are.
“I do not pretend to be someone I am not.” How often do we do this, we grow up in a world that is loveless, trying to please, seek recognition or to be noticed – anything as a substitute for the love we miss. But never, in this lifetime have we been told the truth, until Serge Benhayon presented it that is, that there is nothing, not one other
“every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.” This makes life so much more simple, fun, true and joyful.
Anne it’s great you discuss that who we are and our behavior is separate, it is not us. This is key. So often we hear people, often about children, though not always, commenting on another’s choice of behavior, saying they are badly behaved – this is not the truth. Their choice of behavior may be bad, but it’s not them, underneath that choice they are still the same loving, sweet, innocent, deeply sensitive and tender person as they were the day they were born. It what’s caused the choice of behavior we have to look at and heal. That doesn’t mean we condone it or pander to them, but we don’t see the person as their behavior as otherwise we are judging and capping them, in the sense of saying that’s them, they’ll be or not capable of anything else.
We can take the pressure off life and allow days to unfold, see them as a learning, rather than trying to make them be a certain way. Simply by honouring ourselves, enjoying life and letting people in. It’s no wonder one of the world’s no.1 epidemics is exhaustion.
I love this Anne – ‘ If I am just being myself there is a great space within me, and all the time in the world. And this spaciousness spreads and extends from within me and is all around me, and I live and breathe and move in this space.
This spaciousness that I am feeling has a quality of lightness and loveliness, of being able to breathe freely and move flowingly and feel connected with everyone and everything around me. I feel open within, and therefore open to everyone and everything else. It feels like there is no beginning and no end to me.
I then share this space with everyone else, joyfully feeling that they hold the same quality, which is love, within them.’
Anne this sentence got me as it was a wonderful reminder for me: “We don’t always behave beautifully, but we are lovely, and if I remain aware of that I am not so hurt by another’s behaviour, even if it may be love-less.” So it helped me to stop reacting to a love-less behavior.
Anne it is awesome to re-read your article as I got a few more gems out of it such as ‘I now see the love-less behaviour as something that the person has done, and not who they are. And I know that because we are love; if our behaviour is loveless, in that moment we are not truly being ourselves.’ This is such an important one, to not see the behaviour as the person but to know underneath they are love and not take it personally, I am learning this big time of late! I also loved what you shared about ‘Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that. And then I have all the time and space in the world… just being me.’ – gorgeous! When we are with ourselves, truly present, then the need to be alone just isn’t there, and if it is, it is time to reassess how we have been living. True pearls of wisdom Anne, love it!
Opening up and letting people in is something I thought I did, until I realised that I was only letting people see the parts of me I’m not ashamed of. Now I’m developing a more honest way of being, and letting all of me be seen, letting go of the shame – and there are still depths to reveal as my sensitivity and ability to read people and situations grows stronger and I feel more confident and less anxious about what might come back at me.
I felt very warm inside after reading this today – Reflecting back into childhood/teenage years I ran away many times ‘to be on my own’. This pattern followed me into adulthood also. Your sharing Anne captures beautifully and brings a clarity to my picture of life as I live it now, gently unfolding and peeling away the layers. what I was actually doing was feeling hurt “that people did not truly see me and feel how lovely I was and appreciate me , just for being me”. Self-love has an amazing way to bring about changes into our everyday livingness this includes letting others in what a gift that truly is.
I feel that I was hurt in a similar way to you Anne, I wasn’t abused or anything so I had nothing really tangible to complain about but always felt hurt at being overlooked or something. Its great to be able to understand this and move on into a more loving way of living.
I used to crave time to be on my own but in recent years this has changed and I can now see that it was always because I was never with me in anything I did through the day and thought the evening or time at the weekend alone would make up for this – it never did other than bringing relief. Now as I am with my body more when I have time with myself it is me and my body and a time to deepen this connection and therefore then naturally with others.
What a simple approach to relationships… “I like myself, and that has made it much more possible to like other people.” Imagine if this became the approach to all relationships and was foundational in our approach to counselling, education & offering support – developing a loving relationship with ourselves in order to support our relationships with all others…
So true Joan. This is a wisdom that could change the world, bringing harmony in it’s wake.
I too spent a lot of time trying to have my own space, but what I now see is that when we are at ease with ourselves and accept how amazing we are . This real spaciousness enters our lives and being in and with the world is an absolute joy.
“I too spent a lot of time trying to have my own space.” That is so funny Kelly when I really take the time to listen to what you are saying. That only wastes time by filling it with trying to achieve something. Whereas if we ignore world time and connect with ourselves in the present of whatever we are doing, then that amazing space that the universe and all of us are made up of opens up a never ending flow that is always available to us.
‘I like myself, and that has made it much more possible to like other people.’ Very simple and the beginning of a true relationship with yourself and others.
Building a true relationship with ourselves first then sets the foundation of quality that we bring to another. The potential then to bring more and more is endless.
Being more honest about how we feel often leaves us feeling vulnerable in our openness yet we need to be open to let the love in.
Yes, Elizabeth I too have found that if I am connected to the stillness within whilst gently doing things space seems to be greater and time appears longer, and I am not exhausted. The opposite of working from a drive or push or from nervous energy to get things done when it feels time is running away.
The withdrawing when we are hurt or upset by someone is a common feeling for me. I’m far more aware of it now when I feel myself wanting ‘me time’, it’s not ever really me time I want, rather time away from life so that I don’t have to deal with ‘people’, like they’re a disease I’m doing my best to avoid.
Feeling this way requires far more energy and is far more exhausting than simply dealing with it there and then, and then feeling the freedom to move on. Not always easy…that is for absolute sure…but worth practicing.
What I am finding is that ‘me time’ is this place where I can go to isolate myself in all the little ‘me me me’ aspects of life. True ‘me time’ feels greater when it is ‘WE time’ be that me and my body or me and another or others. To isolate ourselves off in a corner, be it our minds/head, a bodily pain, a drama/emotion or isolated from others, not communicating etc is pandering to the notion that there is nothing wrong with us and the hurts are ‘out there’ (out there can even mean our own bodies). But when we start acknowledging that we create our hurts by how we live and then change this slowly then we start to see the trap that ‘me time/isolation’ time’ truly is. Together we are stronger and this creates our strongest defence from hurts. Thank you Anne.
It is a great question Fiona as it has offered me an opportunity to reflect on how for most of my life I wanted to be on my own and how this is all changing… a beautiful moment to appreciate.
This line is gold “Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that. And then I have all the time and space in the world… just being me.” I have come to realise that when I don’t feel me, I have simply lost the connection with my self and all I have to do is embrace my beauty and loveliness that resides within me. It is my choice to either indulge in that what is not who I am or to come back to the connection by committing to love for my self.
I am learning to hold my connection with my self and therefore with others when I am in the company of others for longer periods as I become stronger in my body. A few days ago while in the company of some members of my family I could feel a change in my body and instantly I felt tired… I had lost the connection to my self and in doing so there was a feeling of wanting to give up that arose… a wonderful gift to reflect and learn from.
An inspiring blog I will be returning to as there is much to ponder on here. This sentence stood out for me today “What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.” When I stop to ponder on this line it is huge as for every meeting with another there is an opportunity to evolve and to connect more deeply to my self and another. Seeing every moment as an opportunity to learn and grow is taking responsibility and it comes down to how present I am with my self and my body. The more present I am with my self, the more aware I am to read situations and learn.
Totally relate to the tension you describe. And deeply appreciate the connections you have made between this tension and the protection that you were holding. Hold life to ransom and that tension rules you. Let people and love in and the tension-inducing version of time disappears, leaving boundless space.
Love this blog. The truth that more space comes from actually letting more people in.
Yes Otto I agree, that the more I can let people in the more space I have within my body. When I put up a guard my heart begins to ache and my chest feels tight. When I let people in I feel expansive and open. My body is a wonderful marker of truth as I learn to let people in.
I know! Who would have thought right? It makes complete sense. The moment we curl up and shut life out, we make the space we live in so much smaller. When we stand up tall, arms out, ready for anything and everything, we have all the space in the world.
Just a choice…
When we open up our hearts and let people in its the best feeling ever, a real confirmation of the love and truth we all are. Our society does not make it easy for people to express this natural heart to heart connection- so it’s up to us to change the game.
Yes Samantha we can only begin with ourselves by dealing with our hurts and feel what is true inside and open up. Let love out and let love thus people in. It is a joy to live in such a way and inspire others to open up too. This will change the world.
To say I like myself as I am is a wonderful stage of living. Accepting the body with all its imperfections and loving every bit of it is a great learning process. If I like myself, I am much more able to like other people.
“What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.” This is so true everyone we meet is reflecting something to us, I meet so many people on a daily basis being in hospitality and I find they are all reflecting something. I am forever learning in each moment something new, as I am forever getting reflections.
I love this article Anne and can really relate to all you share . I find that the more I am with my self and the loveliness this feels inside I also have so much more time and space with me simply being me also and sharing this with others.
For most of the time in my life I have not been alone, I too was surrounded by people, parents, sister, my own family, friends etc. And I too wished to be alone, apart of everyone to be able to breathe. Then I got the opportunity and I was on my own – nobody to disturb – freeing in some way. Having enjoyed this phase in my life and established my own rhythm, I then got to realize that life is about being shared. Life is about sharing me, the true me with other people. The more I am me, the more I can enjoy being with people and loving them. And the more I get this reflected back.
I love this blog, Anne, thank you. It inspires me to try it out , observe how I am when I’m with people. As you say, the wall of protection doesn’t work, it hurts me and others even more, yet I keep putting it up automatically. I’ll be more aware next time, thank you.
It is such an important distinction you raise Anne, for I used to believe that the time and space for me alone was needed to recuperate from the demands of life. Now as you describe, I can discern whether I have a need to ‘shutdown’ because I have absorbed or reacted to something from the day or simply am enjoying me for me.
There are so many golden statements in your blog Anne, reading your blog most definitely reminds me of the greater purpose of community and being with people. Particularly… “What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people”…
Yes Johanne reading Anne’s blog certainly does remind me of the greater purpose in letting go of the self and making life about people.
“If I am just being myself there is a great space within me.”….
I am loving these few words Anne -they seem to jump out at me! We spend a lot of time trying to be something that we are not because we feel that this is what others want to see. This causes a lot of pressure and stress as it is exhausting not being ourselves. I love being me as it is so freeing and there is no pretence and life flows around me. Thank you for sharing- there is much to consider here.
Everyone around us is reminding us constantly that we are wonderful human beings. I feel that is the power of being open and loving in ourselves, we are able to receive that constant reminder.
Thank you Anne. Your words inspire me a lot, because I’ve usually also had the feeling of needing to retire from the world to be with myself. And this is only a relief which comes from a mistaken way of relating with people. As you well say, if I decide to be who I am, this simple choice creates instantly the space that I need to be open and full of me when I share with people.
This is beautifully expressed Amparo, thank you for summarizing and confirming.
Everyone I meet is reflecting something to me and is a gift if I choose it is so true and brings a different understanding to wanting to be alone . Finding time and space is another gift that simply comes from how we live with ourselves first lovingly.A beautiful sharing Anne ,Thank you
“What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.” This is not just a philosophy but a way of living and being that is truly enriching not just for oneself but for all one interacts with.
Its interesting Susan because there really is no difference in seeking time alone or seeking distraction for they both feel like escapism – hiding from what we know deep down, a yearning for inner connection.
Anne thank-you for this honest reflection of time spent alone with yourself.
I like you, have a husband and children and work amongst people, so spend very little time alone, however I recognise that if i start to become self critical and unappreciative i begin to retreat from the world and despite being surrounded by people i can feel amazingly lonely. This is a great marker, for if i am shutting down to myself, disconnected from who I truly am then my world quickly becomes small, selfish and complex. However if we choose to live connected to ourselves life becomes supremely spacious and the beauty we feel within is reflected in those around us, a confirmation of the love we are all from.
This is beautiful and self empowering Elizabeth!
If I am just being myself there is a great space within me, and all the time in the world….such a simple yet profound truth in this sentence. When we are not being our true selves, we are small and contracted and dont require much space. But once we start to take space for ourselves, space just keeps expanding as we expand back to the love we have always been.
This is beautiful Anne – the more I accept and appreciate the reflections others bring as a true learning, the less reactions I experience. “What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.”
“This spaciousness that I am feeling has a quality of lightness and loveliness, of being able to breathe freely and move flowingly and feel connected with everyone and everything around me. I feel open within, and therefore open to everyone and everything else. It feels like there is no beginning and no end to me.” This sounds a beautiful place to be Anne.
Anne, in the past I have held onto the justification that my me time was my work/interest of doing art, but that was still my protection from feeling hurt and not wanting to be with the world. I guarded this expression with judgement that it is different/superior/needed for the world, and that is already separation. I was not with the world to begin with, how would anything expressed then be together with the world? And so, my protection from not choosing to see the truth resulted in a lot of me/alone time doing art/working alone, more accurately and honestly, it is protection time doing separation.
Now in feeling the loveliness of myself, when this is connected to, time alone is never just for me, it is a time connecting with everyone else. I find that when this connection is there, during the time in the day, people simply want to come and be close, and therefore naturally without trying, I get to share myself with others at work.
That’s a great point, Adele. I know that one – thinking that I had something to offer to the world while being completely dissociated from it and its people. We have a choice of relating to the world from the place of own hurt, or the truth of who we are.
“We are love; if our behaviour is loveless, in that moment we are not truly being ourselves” – so simple, this just goes to show how there is no point in blaming or judging myself and/or others, and hurt is the end result of love being lost twice.
Hurt is our creation of not being love to ourselves in the first place. There is no one to blame for the hurt, it is fabricated from our self.
The illusion of ‘alone time’ is a tricky one, and one often that many feel ‘entitled’ to, being aware that what ever we ‘do’ ‘choose’ impacts on the whole is something that alters how we perceive our time ‘alone’. It is wonder to allow time to self care and nurture, but it is also great to be aware of how and why we are undertaking it and what we if anything we avoid and do not commit to through choosing it.
It changes lives looking at it like this, living it like this…”What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.” I know I have become more open and available for people through being aware that all of life is a reflection and in any moment there is something to learn and and opportunity to develop.
Spot on Elizabeth, I have felt the same also. The more I confirm this choice and feel the truth in this, the more I share the space within.
Creating the space within creates the space in our outer word. I can really relate to your blog Anne, being by myself was something I always thought I wanted. Having people around me felt claustrophobic, when I felt into this, it was the thoughts in my head that was creating this feeling and not the people. Looking at why I allowed these thoughts and bringing the thoughts back to love has created space within me which is the space I feel your talking about. It’s a spaciousness within that I now love to share with others
I just had to come back to this Anne, I have been on holiday with my family for the past 4 weeks – on the surface it could be said that I have had no ‘alone time’ but Oh my goodness I feel the complete opposite. I feel like they have let me into their hearts to a much deeper level and I can feel I have done the same. There are tensions occasionally as something comes up for one of us – usually a frustration that things have not gone according to the picture they had, but there is something about how we have handled it that has shifted and I am sure it is because we have taken time to understand who we all are now, seeing each other afresh. They are not children and we are not parents, we are fellow travellers and although we may need to take different roles at various times we each have equal responsibility. When one of the team does not live with that level then a complication comes in that affects us all – it is in all of our faces! There has developed a level of love, trust and openness that sets a new foundation that we now need to bring back to being at home where there will be more pull to disengage.
They are not children and we are not parents, we are fellow travellers and although we may need to take different roles at various times we each have equal responsibility……absolute love this and the truth it delivers!
‘I have allowed people to see all of me. Now I do not hide the parts I don’t like much and I do not pretend to be someone I am not.’ Life is so much simpler when we stop pretending to be anything or anybody else. We can be more natural, we don’t have to adjust for different circumstances, and we can be who we are with no judgement.
The words that have stood out for me in this blog today are about protection and hurt. How much hurt there is, dragging itself around behind each and every one of us, defining our relationships with each other, making life something it is not – that is, making life with out a sense of space.
I love what you have shared in being “more accepting of others and of yourself” is a great tool to allow ourselves to connect more with others and not go so readily into protection.
It took me a long time to trust and let people into my life and heart, for many years I had a protective layer that people could only come so close and that’s it. This meant I had a permanent shield protecting myself. As I let this go my relationships have deepened and i have become more open and honest. This has allowed me to build beautiful relationships and friendships
Beautiful Anne! Its also so beautiful to let people in and feel how amazing they are! And then to accept who we are in full regardless of our imperfections! Its time to let it rip.
Anne I am drawn to read your blog again this morning. Time and space; saying those words and connecting to what they mean make my body feel different. This sentence is really profound – ‘Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me.’ I have spent years thinking that time was a specific slot in the day when I could have a break. That space was something I could create by being away from work or away from people and crowds. My experience has been that when that physical time or space was created, I could still be agitated, anxious, upset, racy, so it was never what I expected it to be. It was just a continuation of how I had been moving and living up to that point. Rushing to get to my break, rushing to get some space, just left me in that same momentum when the break or space came. So considering that time and space is a feeling I can connect to and stay with; well what a revelation. It’s not about having 2 hours off in the middle of the day, it’s about connecting to that space within that then makes time open up. It then no longer matters who I am with or what I am doing.
“it’s not about having two hours off in the middle of the day, it’s about connecting to that space within that then makes time open up. It then no longer matters who I am with or what I am doing.”- Debra thank you for explaining it very clearly and simply. I too now have a deeper understanding re time and space.
It’s a tragedy to not be met as a child, but the key to bringing balance back it to develop ways that we constantly meet ourselves. It is like re-parenting ourselves all over again. No one can do it for us but ourselves.
Love this Matthew. It is indeed a tragedy, but thanks to the practical wisdom from Universal medicine I have also learned how to do that. And it is always something I keep coming back to.
Awesome, I have been talking about this recently ‘re-parenting’ myself is something I have been having a go at and it works beautifully. I could feel how connected this also was to how I feel held within God and by God and that this was part of parenting, true parenting to be held to shine in our natural ways without impostiton.
I agree Matthew. How clearer life becomes when we let go of the expectation that some magic person will sort it all out for us.
This is statement is gold… “Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that”… This is the key to always having enough time for ourselves, and not just having to reserve and allocate a designated ‘Me’ time, as the ‘Me’ is always with us and goes everywhere we go
Accepting myself is a choice I make. Isn’t that weird that we have a choice to accept ourselves? We always have a level of self-acceptance, but that self might not be our true self. So the choice lies in accepting the true me, warts and all.
Lately I pondered on the same subject, Jinya, and realized how I am not accepting the true me, but a version of me which in social life is very convenient, because it is diplomatic or nice instead of telling the truth straight forward. And in order to stay this way I sabotage myself to claim the space in every moment.
It is indeed holding yourself in that spaciousness you describe with whoever you are. No compartments of I show this of me with this person and that of me with that person. And I keep certain things for myself in my private time….. Their is no private time. It is an illusion. We think there is because of the physical walls between us, but in fact we are connected with everybody all the time. This blog is a great reminder for me to check when I think and want to be with me. What’s going on that I can’t or won’t share with others?
Great point Caroline, and it reminds me too, that there is no time off and having private time. The way I am with myself affects all the people the same, all my thoughts are having the exact impact on others. The way I hold others with me is effecting them. So isn’t it very important to have a high awareness to that quality of thoughts that we allow and to where they come from i we have hate, comparison, jealousy, anger, judgement, expectations? And if so it is the way we are treating ourselves in this quality. This reminds me to check in with myself before I talk or think about people. Just another level of responsibility.
The simple answer to all our dilemmas and woes lies first in the relationship we have with ourselves, if love is chosen everything else simply flows.
So Beautiful, simple and true that is Gyl.
Gyl, this is so beautifully true but also so profoundly simple. Absolutely everything comes from the relationship we have with ourselves.
Yes Gyl, simply beautiful and true, like Lucille Balls quote, “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world”.
So true Gil, we can say that when life flow for us we are in love with ourselves.
Beautiful Gyl. When we are loving with ourselves first, there is then nothing but love there after.
I have not met Anne in person though I have had the pleasure of working with her on many occasions, and I have to say being in Anne’s presence and listening to her speak you can feel the absolute love, compassion and understanding she holds for everybody.
‘I found it hard to be myself around people, even though I loved them, as I was always trying to please everybody (which is exhausting) and so, I was always looking for ways to be alone’. I can very much relate to this Anne, and if I am honest, I still find it hard to be myself around people, which is something I am aware of, am pondering on and will get to the truth that is always there when we are ready to learn and evolve.
I was out at a work Christmas party last night. There were a few times when I was sitting on my own. It’s at times like this where I can feel very self-conscious. It’s as if I need others around me to validate that I am OK to be with and an absence of people means I am not. The urge to reach for my phone was strong but I resisted and let myself feel the discomfort. It did pass and I chose to get up and mingle. Funny that we don’t feel OK just being ourselves on our own.
This has been my experience too Debra as there have been many occasions mainly at functions where for a moment I would feel uncomfortable and a little panicky when sitting or standing on my own. Feeling what was coming up and staying with it has and is helping me enormously as the feelings dissipate quickly. Knowing I am enough when on my own with people around me is key.
I like your honesty with it here, the awareness does open the door, when we are ready to learn and to evolve together.
I too jacqmcfadden94 find it difficult to be myself when I’m around people. There are times when it is more difficult than at other times but it is getting easier as I learn to accept me and let go of protecting the hurts so that I can let people in. This sentence is beautiful – “I have let people in. ….into my heart and into my world.”
Anne that was such a beautiful blog. It reminds me that I was too a person who wants to be alone once in a day. That has changed as well because now I love it to be in contact all of the time. As you so wisely wrote: “What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.” That is exactly what I found out as well so for me now life can never be boring or too hard anymore.
This line stands out for me Anne – “I am much more accepting of myself, and so I am much more accepting of everyone else,” _ it feels like it all starts with my acceptance of myself, so that there is a reservoir of love and regard to let people into.
I agree Joel, that line stood out for me, We can make life so hard and complicated at times, trying to work out from our head how to change things, what choices to make, which is exhausting in itself, when the simple answer is in the space all around us, to simply be – more loving and accepting of ourselves. With this we can’t help but naturally be more loving, open and accepting of others. Everything starts with how we are with ourselves.
I can say from my own experiences, that when I appreciate myself first thing in the morning the whole days is flowing and I feel connected with my bigger purpose and with the people I meet. From there I will feel an impulse for what has to be done next, without thinking and worrying.
This is a blog that i love to re-read Anne, as you remind us that taking moments is not something to reserve for a special day of the week, or part of the day, but that there is ample time and space within the day at anytime to have those ‘me’ moments, a stop, to connect to our body and the quality of this. Deeply appreciate your sharing.
“When I was young, I got hurt. Nothing terrible happened, but I felt hurt that people did not truly see me and feel how lovely I was, and appreciate me – just for being me.” This line made sense to me Anne, I could feel how I did this too, but I can also feel now that I did not allow myself to be seen, keeping much of me hidden. yet at the same time secretly wanting to be noticed.
Ilya one of my favourite saying at the moment is ” it is what it is ” it immediately stops the self criticism and bashing we do. I now can look back on many occasions that I would usually get myself in a knot over, wasting all my energy being self critical …. only to find my contribution had its place .
The start of this blog really made me wake up to how I have been, nothing terrible happened to me also when I was young but not been seen or appreciated for me just being me was enough of a hurt to lead me down a path of avoiding people most of my life. I still struggle in a noisy crowded room, much preferring my own company in wide open spaces. Thanks Anne for shedding a lot of light on areas in my life that still need to be addressed.
What a gorgeous blog Anne. You describe something that is so essential for us all to know. And what a blessing and a gift when we do know this and can give this to our selves to live everyday.
I wouldn’t say that I am living this fully yet. Letting people in and trusting people is still something that I am learning to embrace, letting go of needing to control; accepting myself and my weaknesses in full so that I can allow myself to be seen. But I deeply appreciate the shifts and strides I have made in a short time with all of this, with the incredible support of the Universal Medicine practitioners.
My sentiments too Emma Danchin….Letting people in and trusting people has been a big shift for me which I am also learning to embrace. And what I am finding is that I am loving the different and warm connection I am having with others – and as I share more of me, it feels so much more ‘safe’, than when I kept people out and at a safe distance.
Great to become aware of the fact that whenever I feel I need time off from work, my children or friends that it is actually a signal that somewhere down the line I am shutting people out to protect myself or for some reason find it difficult to just be me, believing I have to be or do something. Believing that I am not enough, that I have to prove myself. ‘Everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.’
I have noticed that people are taking bigger and longer holidays, especially as the end of the year approaches. There is a need to ‘be away’ from their work for as long as possible, to ‘get away’ from everything. It feels like a big escape from life and the world, highlighting an element of not coping with everyday life that well.
I agree Matthew, in my case I know when I feel I need a holiday in this way it is because I have exhausted myself by how I have been living, not from the workload or the work, but by trying to work out everything from my head, instead of simply listening to my body and what I feel.
Many work places often have a count down of the days left to the next holidays written in their staff rooms, – or a phrase of used ” oh well, it’s nearly friday’ – this shows how exhausted people are and not coping with life. What we have to ask is why do we accept a lesser life like this, when deep down we all know we come from a divine source of absolute love which allows us to live our natural true joy and abundant vitality everyday.
Hiding the parts of ourselves that we do not like is exhausting as we are constantly trying to show we are something that we are not. It is a trick or a trap that we can get easily caught into, as we are shown from very young how images run peoples lives. The images we take on show us what it is ‘ok’ to be, and if we align to that image we are no longer ok if we are not that. It can be mind-boggling to feel that the image we have of how we should be is nowhere near the magnitude of the magnificence we actually are. Letting go of the images bit by bit with their tendrils allows us to see and feel more and more of who we truly are. And this is the greatest freedom we can ever have.
Only today in a women’s group we were talking about the impact and control these images have over us, whether it be putting ourselves down, self bashing etcetera, its a bit like a little virus implanted in us to program these behaviours and erode the true amazingness and beauty that we naturally are.
“It can be mind-boggling to feel that the image we have of how we should be is nowhere near the magnitude of the magnificence we actually are.” This is great to read Amelia. The picture I have created of myself, the pressure this entails trying to live up to it, the tension felt throughout my body, the situations I find myself in….none of these are worth any of it, for as you say the picture comes nowhere close to the magnificence of that which I already am.
‘the image we have of how we should be is nowhere near the magnitude of the magnificence we actually are.’ Amelia what an inspiring statement for me to discard all the images of what being sexy is, what being successful is, what being whatever is and really make the choice to get to know my magnificence.
This came up for me yesterday, ‘What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.’ I now express my truth with love in most situations, yesterday, I did not express verbally, but came to understand that what was being shown to me was more about me reflecting on what I did not want to see in myself. I then have a choice to nominate this pattern and choose to stop this in myself, so this was a great learning.
There is so much wisdom in this beautiful post Anne. I found myself relating to some of what you shared at the beginning, like the desire to have time and space for myself, feeling hurt, wanting to please people, these were some of my old patterns that I have been increasingly letting go of. Now, I am letting people in more and more, accepting of myself and other people increasingly so, and developing more love and appreciation for myself. These changes, and more are helping to change the old dynamics that were so harming for all.
For nearly 30 years I was looking to have as much time and space for myself as possible. I would rather be on my own than being with others. Being with other people was for me somehow tiring, exhausting and sometimes overwhelming. This was because I did not allow myself to be me but „thought“ that I had to be in a certain way when I am with others or have to fullfill certain expectations. I chose to live on my own and I liked it, but today I can see that it was a withdrawing and hiding from life and the world. When I was on my own I would not need to deal with what might have come up when being around others and the reflections of them. As I was so much contracted back then this was for me the way to survive.
This has started to change. As I am more with myself, the way I meet people has been changing. The more I am myself the less I think I have to fullfill expectations of others and/or adjust myself. The more I am with myself, the more I bring of myself and the more space I have within me. In this space there is no rush, no push, only being, the Joy of being me and expressing me and bringing this space to others.
„If I am just being myself there is a great space within me, and all the time in the world. And this spaciousness spreads and extends from within me and is all around me, and I live and breathe and move in this space.“
Dear Pia, I could have wrote this: ‘I would rather be on my own than being with others. Being with other people was for me somehow tiring, exhausting and sometimes overwhelming’. All my relationships are changing as I now have a deep desire to connect with others around me. Sometimes I still can feel that, ‘there is no-one there for me’ or that I do not fit in, but I can now more easily observe these thoughts and NOT indulge in them and so absorb them… yes I am learning and I am growing, and have much to deeply appreciate myself for.
I just remembered that many years ago I said, I’d rather be on my own than be in a relationship like my parents…..this no longer holds true and is time to re-imprint this old belief, because I have had the realisation that I have known and lived ‘true relationships’, based on love and brotherhoood, yes I have and I can easily have this again.
Yes Susan well said. I totally relate to this blog in that I was constantly exhausted from trying to please everyone. So I used to often think that I had to be alone to have some quality ‘me time’. Yet when I was alone, shutting out and escaping from the world I was still restlessly unfulfilled. The illusion was that ‘me time’ would only come from being away from others. However the power of love has shown me that connecting to and being me, truly me, and sharing this with others was the ‘me time’ I was in fact always searching for.
How beautifully said Carola! ‘Me time’ is such an illusion. The power of love, as you say, is all. No need for ‘me time’ – though sometimes just beautiful to sit doing nothing smelling the breeze, watching and hearing the leaves rustle.
A deeply beautiful and inspirational piece Anne. Love is eternal, timeless and boundless, a Divine Oneness where endless beauty is known. So when we connect to our love within, be who we are, all the time and space in the world is ours through which we can choose how to live, breathe and move. We then are open to be all and open to receive all. This is who we naturally are and as you how profoundly said – ‘I feel open within, and therefore open to everyone and everything else. It feels like there is no beginning and no end to me.’ What a beautiful way to live and know that there is no end to the depth of love that can be lived, breathed and shared with everyone and in all that we do.
Seeing everyone we meet as a gift through their reflection, certainly helps to keep ourselves open to another and not closing off to a potential learning or understanding of ourselves or others. Then we are left simply to be ourselves together.
‘We don’t always behave beautifully, but we are lovely, and if I remain aware of that I am not so hurt by another’s behaviour, even if it may be love-less. I now see the love-less behaviour as something that the person has done, and not who they are. And I know that because we are love; if our behaviour is loveless, in that moment we are not truly being ourselves.’ Anne, this is so beautiful – it really is very simple when we see the world like that, as opposed to taking everything personally.
This experience you remembered from childhood makes sooo much sense of that feeling of wanting to just shut oneself away as we grow up… “I was always trying to please everybody (which is exhausting) and so, I was always looking for ways to be alone.” It is true that if we spend so much of our time trying to please others at the expense of actually just being and expressing ourselves, then why would we not want to escape from it by ‘being alone’? – The pressure we’d be putting on ourselves is immense, relentless and extremely exhausting, so yes, physical escape would seem a good solution. The true answer is in “If I am just being myself there is a great space within me,” – absolutely no need to go anywhere else.
Yes I can relate to this pressure I have put on myself in pleasing others which caused the exhaustion and the feeling there was no way to escape, the only thing was being on my own. As if I could breathe again. It is beautiful and refreshing to discover that when we are just who we are, space opens up in us and around us and the love we have for people can unfold.
On re-reading this today these words resonated very clearly: “What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift”. Keeping these beautiful words in mind how can we ever hold ourselves back from anyone we meet? We will never know what gift they are bringing us unless we open up to them with the loving intention of sharing all of us at that moment in time, with no agenda and no expectations but just the joy of connecting with another human being.
That is a beautiful point you make Ingrid Ward and it also stands out for me today. To simple realize that everyone we meet brings us the gift of reflecting us something, and we are doing the same equally with others makes it impossible to hold back from connecting with other human beings.
‘What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.’ This is an important thing to remember because even the person we meet in the street is reflecting something back to us – every encounter has something for us to learn and evolve.
Yes Carmel I agree, and not only the people we meet new, but also the people we live with, work with and are always around us reflect to us all the time.
So true Carmel that every encounter offers an opportunity to deepen our connection to Love – a beautiful gift indeed.
Yes Carmel, and also when you are aware of the reflections of other people, you are also reflecting something quite incredible back to them and that is the light of your soul. They get to feel what is possible in themselves from you, what a gift, what a reflection.
Anne I relate to what you shared about nothing terrible happening to you growing up. Yet although not overtly traumatic, we possibly forget as very little children, perhaps even babies, how simply not being met by others with the same love we knew ourselves to be, did deeply hurt and affect us. In so expressing, we open up an opportunity to reclaim that deep sensitivity and the richness of life that can be lived.
Hi Simon. Not being met as a kid is a sure way to meander off on a path to then try and ‘find’ what we simply need, which is to be met. As an adult, I now have the tools thanks to Universal Medicine to meet myself and re-parent me again. In doing this we then start to meet others in the same light, what a gift.
There is no necessity to live in reaction against things, blame, sadness because some one didn’t ‘deilver’ what we expected in a relationship “What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.” How freeing and empowering to consider that there is something to learn from every encounter we have in our day. so if some one does decide to be grumpy with us at the check out, do we in joining, or do we reflect and consider what there is to learn from it.
“I now see the love-less behaviour as something that the person has done, and not who they are. And I know that because we are love; if our behaviour is loveless, in that moment we are not truly being ourselves.”
This has have so pivotal in understanding relationships so that I don’t react and cast blame or hold anger and bitterness or resentment.
Rereading your blog has taken me further in understanding about the way we react to something or someone, and actually, how there is always the choice to either go into feeling hurt or to choose that…”we are lovely, and if I remain aware of that I am not so hurt by another’s behaviour…”
I love the fact that you say acceptance is the key. Of course! When we do not accept the world as it is or people as they are we shut them out. By accepting things as they are we are naturally able to be more open. I find this is the case when I accept myself too. If I am trying to be something different to my natural self of course I will not let people in. But by being honest with myself and allowing others to see who I am, letting people in occurs naturally.
Well said Rebecca. Accepting ourselves is a great step in being able to appreciate ourselves and allowing ourselves to be more responsible in the world.
Rebecca the word ‘naturally’ had me ponder on the times that I feel I’m very connected, these are the times life has a gorgeous flow, as opposed to the awkward moments when I’m aware of feeling a bit off and the connection is uncomfortable. It’s the foundation of the relationship I have with myself that supports the natural ease of expression with others.
It is great to look at if we feel like wanting to be alone or withdraw what has happened before. Usually something did happen like situation where we didn’t feel comfortable, reacted or felt hurt.
“When I was young, I got hurt. Nothing terrible happened, but I felt hurt that people did not truly see me and feel how lovely I was, and appreciate me – just for being me. From that time I found it hard to be myself around people, even though I loved them, as I was always trying to please everybody (which is exhausting) and so, I was always looking for ways to be alone.” This is what many of us have experienced Anne.
This is a great blog to keep coming back to and re read in the reality of making time and space for oneself and the constant searching for this when in truth it comes from within us and is from our choices and how we live . It is very empowering and beautiful to feel and know all you share Anne, and how this opens up is magical and well worth it as a way of living. Holding the joyfulness and loveliness within is my daily responsibility to life and commitment to my self and others. Thank you.
Anne I also really love this ‘I have allowed people to see all of me. Now I do not hide the parts I don’t like much and I do not pretend to be someone I am not.’ Letting others in to see not just the parts we want to show that we feel we have mastered but the other areas that need more support. That way we can dare to see, change and evolve. 🙂
“Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that. “ Yes Anne, this line rings true for me too now as I like you in the past, felt I needed to go solo a lot of the time in my life but now find myself enjoying my time with me feeling my loveliness also. It’s a beautiful place to be indeed.
I can definitely relate here Anne to the pattern of feeling hurt by other’s actions or intentions and wanting to withdraw and shut down to others and to life. It is such a tempting thing to do because it buys us a bit of relief from the tension or intensity of what we may be feeling. I have begun to realise that anytime I am in reaction (even subtle) I am not love and that this is just as harmful and hurtful as the original action that I chose to react to.
Well recognised Andrew and what a liberating realisation, as it will allow for different choices to be made. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Anne, I know that for much of my life I have looked for time alone and are only now asking myself what that is about. I love what you have shared and have taken much way to ponder on.
Reading your blog again today Anne – I really felt this truth for me too: “Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me.” I am practising this more and more and it feels very joyful when there is this continuing lovely feeling within me over longer periods of time, showing me yes practice more – yet able to hold it for quite some time too.
Yes, Anne I could not understand why people could not see who I truly was as a child – even at a young age I remember feeling extreme frustration that my mother was always making judgements about my motives. This seemed to have a paralysing affect and I just withdrew from the world and lived in a world of my own. With the support of Universal Medicine, the many beautiful practitioners and the reflection of the students, I am now beginning to gain confidence in who I am and to shine more in the world.
This has been the exact combination of loving support and confirmation for me this morning. “Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that. “ And it’s true, I am choosing to live this way.
‘Being myself’ in my own space, and in my own company is far easier than being myself amongst the others. I feel like I have invested a lot in horning the skills in the former thinking that’s where the treasure is, but now came to a point where I start questioning what’s the point in that – after all we are never alone, and we are always in relationships. Your sharing is very inspiring for me. Thank you, Anne.
Thank you Anne, Your blog has been great inspiration, as i I found myself thinking about your blog, especially when i have been at work. Simply walking about doing my usual tasks and activities, your title was circulating in my thoughts and I recognised that there are so many moments where I was ‘Making Time and Space Just to be me’ – simply walking about my day, my movements, being present with my body and breath, these are invaluable, as a way on checking in and conserving energy, and not have to wait for a special designated time to do this. Bringing “Me” into the moments is a great step with self care!
I love this Johanne – “Bringing “Me” into the moments is a great step with self care!” It makes a huge difference when we practise this and especially when it starts to just be naturally so.
Thank you Anne for a great blog, I love your sharing, there is something so free and honest in just accepting who we are, no role to take on, no expectations to live up to, no beating up on one ‘s self, just acceptance and making the choice to choose love and be love. Opening up this space within us opens up space for others to come into our lives.
True Jill, I am re learning that acceptance is the first base and from there I can embrace my self more fully. Without absolute acceptance, judgement, self doubt and all the other ‘creepy crawly’ untruths find there way in to sabotage any space I ‘try’ to create for myself.
So true and it truly comes all down to acceptance, how simple can it get …
This is such a great sharing Anne and i love that “Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that. And then I have all the time and space in the world… just being me” beautiful real and an inspiration for all.Thank you
I love this simple statement Anne: “I like myself, and that has made it much more possible to like other people.”
Love starts with myself and then it expands out. The more I am at ease with myself, the less I am focused on me and the more capacity is there to see and feel another.
Beautiful Judith. I also like this line “I like myself, and that has made it much more possible to like other people.” When I am connected and therefore accepting of myself, it is impossible to criticise or be judgemental of another. The more I accept me, the more I am accepting of another.
I love your blog Anne! It totally cracks this believe of needing “time on our own” forever struggling to do things faster so that at the end of the day we have some “ME” time, which so does not work, as it usually ends up as “checking out” time rather than “being with me” time.
Yes so agree Judith – it does end up as checking out time, and the more we recognise that the quicker we can create space throughout our day where we can be with ‘me’ and bring’me’ to everything all of the time therefor not needing a ‘me-time’ at the end.
It is crazy when we really consider that nothing outside of us has stopped us being the love we truly are, it is simply a choice we have made in reaction to the hurt we may feel, yet it hurts us more to not be Love.
Hear Hear Joshua – well expressed, thank you.
Thank you Anne for this blog. It reminds me of how I used to be a lot of the time and make me appreciate how much more open I am now. I used to love being on my own because I found it exhausting being with other people. I was usually quite anxious around other people and holding myself in some kind of protection. I would always get caught up in whatever dramas and emotions they were going through as well, which added to my own emotional rollercoaster that I used to frequently ride. So would love that moment of the day when I could get home and switch off and stop the interactions and let my body relax. Now life is very different, I love being around people and do not feel drained by it anymore. I actually usually feel that connecting to other people gives me a lift and makes me feel more vital. I am also so much more steady in my emotions and no longer take on all those other stories.
We are never alone when we live the love within our hearts. The desire to be alone is simply a craving for the connection to the All we know that we are a part of, but that we have chosen to separate from. Reconnection to our true self comes from knowing that we are a small but important piece of a much bigger picture and not a fragment that is destined to wander on their own away from this greater Whole. Once this is realised, it matters not whether we are alone or in company, for in-truth we are never alone, only in the illusion that we are.
Beautifully said Liane and I would add that we are also never alone if we consider that we are connected to each other continuously energetically and can feel others from a distance and therefore continually influencing and affecting each other. There is no such thing as ‘swtich off’ time or ‘time off’ from our energetic awareness. Something I am still learning to live every day.
Truthfully said Liane – I can relate to what you say in that I think I need space, quite and solitude to concentrate on reconnecting to Love and who I am. Yet that illusion is so great as you’ve shared, in that the reconnection actually lies in each of us. I know myself through the reflection of love in brotherhood, for divinity is in all of us equally just sometimes we don’t choose to see it and get stuck on thinking the behaviours are the person.
Beautiful Liane, we are never in truth ‘alone’ as we are always connected to people. This brings me great joy. And connected to the whole we are, which makes us wholly who we are.
“What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.”
This is great Anne and it has made me realise how much we run from the evolution on offer all around us. Often when we feel uncomfortable around others we are all too quick to make it about the other person by focusing on something we don’t like about them and we are quick to dismiss them, rather than seeing the truth of what is being reflected in our every meeting with another and the gifts that are truly on offer here. It seems that unless we turn this around, as you have Anne, we ignore most what makes us grow.
A beautiful sharing Anne packed with wisdom and many quotable quotes, this one I shall take into my day with me -‘Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that. And then I have all the time and space in the world… just being me.’
“I like myself, and that has made it much more possible to like other people.”
So fundamental but lost when we are striving to be liked by others, looking outwards for proof of our worth. I really love this blog Anne, you have touched on something that affects almost everyone.
Very true Jeanette Macdonald. Until we choose to turn that focus inwards, we are forever exhausting ourselves in seeking validation.
I can relate to what you’ve shared Susan. The oscillation between being out in the world and craving time alone for myself was exhausting and it didn’t let people in at all because there was this feeling of ‘get this over and done with so I can be alone and relax/rest/do what I want, etc’. It’s a very different story now and I actually find too much time alone doesn’t feel right at all (it does feel like an escape), and that when I’m out in the world with others, I feel more spacious.
“Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that. And then I have all the time and space in the world… just being me.” To me Anne that sums everything up, it answers all the questions we have about needing our space or time and could bring back a deep level of joy to every family around the world. Furthermore it shows that in truth its not about isolation that we seek but stillness and connection.
The shift for me from only feeling I could be me when I was alone, to having a clear and steady enough relationship with myself around others to hold it, is an emerging and ever-developing one. What I love about it is that it means I am not always ‘white knuckling it out there’ until such time as I can retreat and lick my wounds or revive my sense of self. ‘Out there’ is where it is at and my relationship with, and understanding of myself, is enhanced by being with others and in amongst it all.
Beautifully said, Matilda. ” ‘Out there’ is where it is at and my relationship with, and understanding of myself, is enhanced by being with others and in amongst it all” – I love this.
I always loved my own time when I was young but have spent much of my life around people too. The truth is though that I never really let many people get close to me, I had a very large fortress around my heart. When I started to love and accept myself for who I was more and more the bricks from my self made fortress came down and I could appreciate everyone around me in full. There is so much learning that can be done in every moment when we open ourselves up to the world.
I can so observe that how I judge or view others is directly in relation to how I feel about myself. When I have that little voice in my head pointing out all my ‘failings’ I look for the same in others. When I connect to my loveliness, knowing that ‘it is’ with no perfection, I see that same loveliness in all others.
Its is so simple what you have shared here Carmin Hall but it is indeed very true. The relationship we have with ourselves reflects in all others. That is why we can only truly love another once we love ourselves.
“What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.” I’ve been appreciating this truth for some time now and make the awareness of it part of my everyday. It’s not always the gift I would like but the gift I don’t want usually turns out to be one of the best ones and then once I accept this gift it allows me to love and appreciate the other person/s even more as what was in the way before starts to dissolve and leave.
I love reading and feeling the beauty in what you share Elizabeth. I agree it is the acceptance of every gift that allows appreciation to follow and dissolves the resistance and tension that may just habitually be there. Allowing myself to be aware that this happens starts with giving myself permission to observe how I am feeling rather than go straight to reaction.
This blog is such a great celebration of what happens when we let go of all the trying to please and instead allow the real us out and accept the love in. I love how your days are now full of people and yet feel so much more spacious.
Yes, very much agree jane176, letting go of trying to please others is monuments. It is actually saying a big ‘Yes’ to self love.
Maybe the secret is to be with yourself fully even though you are with others and there is no need to be alone as you are all there and fully connected. To seek to be alone is often seeking something that is missing in your life and it may not be found in the solitude.
I think you make an awesome point here, could it be that when we seek to be alone we are actually simply missing ourselves most of the time? I know when I feel super connected, and with myself it doesn’t matter who is around me or whether I am alone… It’s interesting we may be looking for something totally different to what we think we’re looking for.
I think you could be onto something here Anne.
I feel I do need the early hours of the morning to be with me, before I am ready to be with others, to offer myself that sense of space and orientation for the day ahead. Now that I am working night shift, I find that I need some time when I get home to honour this rhythm, to be with me and my body, in stillness.
But what I have come to realize lately is that I do not need to give myself ‘me time’ as a treat, like going to a café for a chai for example. This has always been a momentum of mine, to seek my connection through something I can consume outside of me. Yet in reality, this just brings down a shield between me and others, making my body both slightly racy and dull so that I can feel ‘I’m ok now’. And distracts me too.
When I stay close with my body and continually surrender to its divine-ness, the need for all this drops away because I am with me and can bring this to the World, sharing it so that I can experience the joy this brings.
Anne I used to feel very similarly about being alone, the ability to step back from the world was a huge coping mechanism. I love your sharing here, that now there is an ease with yourself that means you love being with people. I no longer have such thoughts either and I hadn’t appreciated how far I had come until I read this – thank you.
The wisdom you share here Anne is so massive. It’s just so very simple and would transform the world we live in if we all just accepted this truth! Learning to accept ourselves, we are then naturally more open to accepting others and are able to let go of judgement. Understanding that everyone in our lives and every interaction is a reflection and is a golden opportunity to learn more about ourselves and evolve – I love this! It changes everything as we can then see that nothing is personal, we can begin to see our hurts for what they are, drop the methods we use for protection, stop the judgement, and then we are free to feel the expanse of being open and loving with ourselves and everyone else. It’s like being let out of a long, long spell in prison but grander!
Awesome blog Anne -I can so relate and I really like where you say – “When I allow them to see all of me, I can see all of them… and we are all mainly wonderful.” I find that too, the more I ‘come out’ and allow myself to be seen, the more I see others in all that they are – so lovely to feel this, and life just becomes so much more richer and diverse.
I used to carry around this ‘need to be alone’ thing – after a busy day at work, after meeting up with people, I would get anxious if there was no space for me. This illusion of needing space is really clearly exposed – the truth is I didn’t like me very much and could barely get through the day without worrying what others thought of my every action and task. Even with friends I would drink to drown out this noise and then need to escape to bring myself back – worse then for the thoughts and critique were fuelled by the alcohol abuse. This vicious cycle essentially keeps you cut off from the world but truly the world is right there when you drop in to and connect with your inner heart – the world comes to met you when you are prepared to meet yourself.
Well said. It is us we are running away from, not the world and it took me a while to learn that but I take me wherever I go so it is a futile exercise! When I accept and embrace me, I open up to people and life and am supported and inspired right back.
I can so relate to that whole game of wanting to be alone, and thinking that life would be simpler and safer that way. However it is very lonely living this way, and if we are truly connected to ourselves then it is quite natural for us to connect and be with people… so in effect we are going against our very own nature by choosing to be alone.
Reading through your blog again Anne, something that stood out strongly for me was…”I have allowed people to see all of me. Now I do not hide the parts I don’t like much and I do not pretend to be someone I am not.” Looking at all the layers of protection and focusing on being more open with people is all part of letting people in, however, what you mention here is a deeper level of letting people in…exposing and vulnerable although a much more true way of being with ourselves and with others…thank you for your inspiration Anne.
And the facade of hiding and pretending are so exhausting to maintain…in complete contrast to when we allow ourselves to ‘just be’ – then there is an ease and flow within us, and that ease and flow comes back to us where-ever we are and in whatever we then do.
Living behind a facade and hiding our true selves is one of the most debilitating and exhausting things we can do. It is a constant lie and requires levels of complication that are mind boggling. Letting all the veils drop away and living our complete, natural, sweet, fragile, powerful selves is a great liberation.
I agree Janina. We instinctive;y defend against so much. It is much easier and simpler to live without these barriers. I have to keep reminding myself to let go.
Well said Jinya, I am having a particularly bad day today, I feel stressed and like I cant get to everything, your words and reminder to keep letting go are like gold to me right now, thank you.
“I then share this space with everyone else, joyfully feeling that they hold the same quality, which is love, within them.” Its amazing to see what happens when we hold ourselves in loving self regard and meet other people knowing they are also this love, no matter how guarded or angry their behavior is, to watch the transformation and how they let down their protection.
To close the doors to our heart and shut others out, needing to be alone, live alone, work alone is one of the greatest tragedy’s we experience in humanity. When I see old people who are getting towards the end of their lives, who have lived in this way it is very sad, and a reminder for me not to do the same.
“I like myself, and that has made it much more possible to like other people.” To like oneself feels of key importance here Anne, as I start to build more appreciation for myself (which is a work in progress) and connect to my body, I feel the need to be alone less and less, and feel much more open when meeting others.
The spaciousness you describe within in you Anne, feels very beautiful and holding of oneself, in that holding we can be together with others with no needs from them and also no need to play any roles or try to please or impress others.
“When I was young, I got hurt. Nothing terrible happened, but I felt hurt that people did not truly see me and feel how lovely I was, and appreciate me – just for being me. From that time I found it hard to be myself around people, even though I loved them, as I was always trying to please everybody (which is exhausting) and so, I was always looking for ways to be alone.” I can very much relate to this Anne, having spent a lifetime trying to please others it is totally exhausting, and the annoying thing is that once I have worked out how to please and keep someone happy, they go and change so, so what I was doing to please them doesn’t work anymore, leaving me frustrated and even more exhausted!
I love your summary what has changed in your live Anne:
to let people in, to let yourself be seen, to accept yourself and others, to like yourself and others. This is happening in my own life too and it is amazing what is possible once we start living in that way.
Yes Janina I agree – beautifully said. I too am constantly discovering the immense beauty there is to appreciate within ourselves and equally in others when we let go of the walls of hurts that keep us separated.
“Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that. And then I have all the time and space in the world… just being me.” Very inspiring to read your blog Anne!
What I love about this blog Anne is how it exposes the moment I go into:’ I need time for me to just be me, I am actually saying: ‘I am not being all of me now and it is exhausting’
Absolutely Diana this is so very true.
Yes great realisation Diana – and well worth remembering and checking in with ourselves when we have such a moment or moments – and then reconnecting so that we can be all of who we are no matter where we are.
Noted Diana.
Yes I spotted this too Diana and I am going to watch out for this sign more in future. Anytime I am wishing to be alone there must have been a reaction to the world of some kind and a resulting exhaustion or weariness or jadedness that inevitably comes from this reaction.
“What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.”-
So true. When we live life like this – opening our heart and letting people in we feel the love that exists within us equally and at this moment we feel as one, with joy and harmony. So beautiful!
What you have written Anne, is so easy for me to relate to. I too have often craved time by myself to have space for me which although is still there sometimes it has become far less the more I let people in. It feels like the more I am with myself the more space just opens up.
Me too Fiona- I also used to treasure time all by myself, finally having ‘ peace’ or ‘quiet’ or ‘time-out’ from everything, and none of that was truly true as all I did was check out. Thankfully with all the work done with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I am much more able to make different choices; and when I realise I’ve been out – to check back in and connect again and start anew. And this then reflects exactly like you say Fiona- in the space that opens up and how things unfold again from there.
There are no rules when we are being ourselves–we can be alone or with others, either way or both when we are with Soul, we are with everyONE.
This is a very inspirational blog for me to read today Anne. The first half of the blog could have been written by me as it sounds soo familiar. I find myself sometimes still needing a loving reminder that the loveless behavouir is not them.
‘We don’t always behave beautifully, but we are lovely, and if I remain aware of that I am not so hurt by another’s behaviour, even if it may be love-less. I now see the love-less behaviour as something that the person has done, and not who they are. And I know that because we are love; if our behaviour is loveless, in that moment we are not truly being ourselves.’ And as we bring understanding we can bring even more love.
As is the gift that love is, in that it continues to bless us as it unfolds though our heart when we choose to simply be ourselves and express the love we are.
I think there might be a mathematical formula that shows that the more you can truly be with yourself the more you can be with others and the more you let yourself out the more you let others in and in the end we are all one!!!
Gorgeous, Nicola. A simple formula to life, which celebrates the powerful ripple effect of truly loving ourselves.
Yes beautifully expressed Nicola – the snowball effect or each little pebble creates a ripple, connecting and expanding, just lovely.
There is!
1 + 1 = 1
We are each the every part of the every one of us.
Sometimes when I feel that need for space or to be alone it can be a reflection that I have not given myself the grace and space to process all that I have observed and experienced before jumping into the next thing. This can sometimes be remedied by just a few moments of connecting and nominating to myself all that has transpired and then I am ready again for what is here and coming!
Great points Nicola…so simple, honest, and very powerful. And it doesn’t take a great deal of time to nominate – to feel and understand what has transpired and to move on…the more we do this the quicker it becomes.
Awesome tips Nicola – we create our own space or not.
“What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.” This is such a true way to look at this Anne, sometimes we can get lost in reactions and emotions of situations what you say here cuts through all of that and brings it back to the gift we are to one and other and in that we give and receive true evolution.
Beautifuly said Samantha.
Anne it is so lovely that you have shared here how your life has changed. Self-acceptance is so powerful it allows you to open up your heart and meet people for who they are without judgment. This is true love, inclusive and expansive.
Beautiful Bernard – simple yet so true.
Hi Anne, I have had the opposite issue than this article presents, I have never wanted to be alone, surrounding myself with human interaction to avoid what might be felt if I were to get a moment. Although my issues plays out differently to yours Anne, it feels the same in a way. I don’t know exactly why they feel similar but if you or any other readers have any further expansion on the subject I would love to hear.
It feels to me to be the same in that both are avoiding true connection with self. I have always been one to want to spend time alone but that alone time has not necessarily been to connect with me, more so to escape from me.
Thanks Heidi for your honesty and I do feel that it is partly about connection or should I say avoiding connection.
I get what you mean Sarah. I’ve always wanted to be alone, so I can relate to Anne entirely but your reverse ‘problem’ if you like, just feels like the flip side of that coin. We’re both running from something…ourselves. I have had trouble allowing myself to be all of who I am with others, maybe for fear of rejection, judgement, comparison etc, and so I wait until no one is around to let go and just be me. I feel that for you, perhaps you use the contstant interaction/distraction of others around you as a tool to never feel ‘alone’. And if it’s ‘alone’ that you fear, could that be because part of you lives for others and not for you?
I don’t have the answers, but to me it feels like the same scenario – I’m in a room FULL of people, tens of thousands of people, and I still feel alone, because I don’t feel I’m enough. You’re in the same room, and is it possible you’re worrying about leaving because you don’t want to be alone, because you don’t feel you’re enough?
Hope that makes sense…
Its so inspiring to read this part of the blog thread because it shows the power of honesty and expressing it how it is for each of us. By Sarah being honest and open to sharing how it is the exact opposite for her and asking for feedback, it has opened up the whole conversation in a completely different way – loving the magic of true expression!
Thanks Paula, I love theses talks, it is very helpful, I learn heaps about myself each time I engage the group in this way.
“We’re both running from something…ourselves.” I agree Elodie, and there can be many reasons why we run. Whether it is avoiding the lack of loving connection within ourselves and instead seeking that love and connection from others, or perhaps not liking parts of ourselves, appreciating or valuing who we are and what we bring…its really about feeling for ourselves what it is specifically for each of us, and asking the question ‘why do I run? ‘
It makes perfect sense Elodie but after reading your amazing comment, I had a moment, a realisation, I discovered something weird, that deep down I actually love when I end up by myself. Every time it pans out that way I think, OMG why don’t I do this more often, this is awesome. The idea of it on the other hand is not as appealing. (kind of like exercise, hate the idea, love it when I do it)
I am afraid of what I will feel and discover alone, afraid of what I will reflect on. I am afraid of my wisdom and the fact that I will no longer have the excuse that I need someone, I am afraid people will find out that I am a powerhouse and then more will be asked of me. Its comfortable for me to have people feeling like I need them, that way they never know the truth and are never threatened by how absolutely content I am all by myself and in a group. Thank you deeply for helping me unlock this, it is a worth issue…. it may appear like ” I think I am not enough” but really I know I am enough so I conjure up and find ways to hide that fact, all so I can remain less responsible???….crazy I know.
Um…..you have just unlocked something for me! EVERYTHING you have just said here is EXACTLY how I feel, but a little in the reverse. In that, if I let others in more, people might discover (and confirm) that I, in fact, have so much to offer and that I too am a powerhouse (not even comfortable saying that…but only for the very reason I am writing this comment), and therefore more will be asked of me, when really I want to stay in comfort behind my ‘fiercely independent’ coat of armour and also not be fully responsible. Thank you!! Agghhh!
Too good Elodie, this is one of the many reasons I love theses amazing sites, great people and even better conversation.
Wow Sarah, what you are sharing here is rocking the boat. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. Your question lead me to ponder how it is about myself and as I love being alone, I love being with people and I realize I use both to hide myself. Your sharings are bringing up a lot of sadness because I get aware how i avoid true connection with myself out of the reasons you have mentioned. I am so used to be in the background that it seems unnatural for me to lead or be the person others come to, like you I feel more comfortable in needing people. Your sharing exposes in me how afraid I am to be responsible and there is a constant subtle fear that I am attacked because of my responsibility. Thank you for your openess and honesty and everybody who has shared here. It supported me to be open and honest myself and receive the understanding of the underlying fear through which I sabotage myself.
Love your honesty here Sarah and putting it out there for input from others is very cool (and brave). So often, we feel like we need to have all the answers. For me, I feel most comfortable alone because my presence is supposedly not felt by anyone in the vicinity, I believe that I don’t have to be responsible for my way of being. There is no risk of being hurt by someone. I am also relieved, if only for a moment, of the exhaustive seeking to be seen.
I must find out if you have written blogs Jinya Mizuno , as I am a massive fan of yours already from your comments. I want to share with you what came to me after a very open conversation I had with a group of people. If you read my reply to Elodie’s comment above. What I came to, may relate to you as you are simply the other side of my coin.
You have a very special way of communicating and I am glad I am getting to know you through this incredible forum. Thanks again Jinya Mizuno.
Is there an article you’ve written that I have not completely and utterly related to Miss Anne Malatt? This yearning for time and space to have on your own…is what imprisons me. I’m always planning for the next moment to have to myself.
It makes complete sense that the more I can accept me and all that comes with that, the more I can accept others and feel less affected by their sometimes love-less behaviours. Let’s face it, the reason I’m so hurt by the love-lessness I feel around me is equally matched by the love-lessness I have for myself. So, really, it’s a no brainer regarding what’s needed. Thank you!
Well said Elodie and so very true. I love your articles also Anne and yes the love starts with us. 🙂
I have to be honest and say that I enjoy my time alone as much as the time I spend with others. I used to prefer being alone, but these days I am not attached to either. Sometimes we need to be alone to reflect on things, and other times we need to be with people.
Yes I agree Jinya. Recently my gorgeous husband went overseas for a couple of week. Before he left I thought I would miss him as I so love being with him, but I also absolutely loved him being away and having all that space with myself. So yes love being with others and love being with myself. Of course we are never really alone as we live in a big field of energy and are all constantly connected.
Well said Jinya, simply but very true
i love this too Jinya – and you are so right here – they key is to not be attached to either, and then it unfolds just as is perfect for every moment.
Anne, I love how you have shared that “needing time alone” are now the alarm bells to ask “What is going on?”. It is so true that we think we can protect ourselves by withdrawing and shutting down when really, all we are doing is protecting our hurts and preventing them from healing.
I would like to thank you for expressing so beautifuly the sensation and experience of spaciousness we can get to. You described well something I powerfully felt after watching presentations from Serge Benhayon. It is a state of “not holding onto anything”, a feeling that you well described as ” like there is no beginning and no end to me”. What amazed me more of this feeling is how simple it really is, however in my case it is not easy to hold because I have made my normal the holding onto things, the “bracing” which has made my experience one of density, rather that the truth of who we really are: spaciousness, lightness and connection to all. I appreciate very much you took the time to write about this, as it makes possible to earth sensations like this one. Thank you.
And this part is just awesome:
“What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.”
This sensation I´ve had lately when I walk in the streets.. when I see people as all little expressions of the same greater whole, it is an experience of oneness and reflection of the many faces of God. The tendency to personalize things, make negative assumptions of others and keep them at a certain safe distance, all of these dissolves in an instant. It is just lovely to open oneself to this reality which we grow blind to.
Anne, this sentence inspires me a lot (as I would love this to be true in my life as well):
” I have allowed people to see all of me. Now I do not hide the parts I don’t like much and I do not pretend to be someone I am not.”
I find this not so easy at times, to let the guard down, and not hide the parts I don´t like much about myself. But I am learning that it is not about selling an image of myself which is more like an ideal I’ve created for the individualized and clever version of me. I am learning that it is about Love and truthful connections to others. Everyone feels the difference… however the problem is we are not very used to show our vulnerabilities and hurts without going into stories and falling into a little bit of drama, and people reject this, so we put our guard up again quickly… I guess it is about learning to express genuinly and in connection to what we feel and not the reaction of it… A work in progress for me…
Yes Toni, acceptance is key. It is clear that all the parts we don´t like about ourselves “stick out like a sore thumb”, and we would rather hide and bury them in the last corner of the universe, before accepting them as part of us. It requires a lot of humbleness, and being very clear in understanding that these are phases of development that we go through and that we are totally responsible for, but that they are not the totalily and reality of who we are. Only then, we are living in acceptance, but not in the acceptance that will conform us or will cement indentification, but the acceptance that will allow us to work upon a foundation of Love and true understanding.
For example, It amazes me when I see myself expressing totally different from the truth I have deep within and how amazing I am feeling inside, and then I express in a completely different manner that doesn´t match any of these! I can then choose to go into self-criticism and/or dwell in the thought that I have a split inside, or I can just observe what has just happened, accept that there is more livingness to unfold, more commitment and consistency to develop, instead of going into pride that will keep me trapped in a cycle of embarrasment, trying to hide stuff and making everything about what would others think of me.
So the way I open to others and let them see all of me is not tainted by trying to sell an image, but by the quality I have established in the way I feel and relate to my disconnected areas, how I deal with all these energetically inside me with the utmost Love and respect for who I really am.
I have also experienced this to be true:
“This desire to be alone when I was always surrounded by people, created a great deal of tension in my body and in my life.”
This tension can be really hard to manage and deal with if we don´t truly know what is really going on inside us: it is our issue! This tension can create a very negative mental state, and people start picking up on it…we lose presence, we are divided and we are just offering a facade with an ambivalent current underneath, deadly when it is about connecting deeply with others and truly listening to them.
I so agree Luz, that tension immediately creates separation between us and others and further confirms the separation from ourselves, a going around in circles chasing ones tail kind of thing which further amplifies the tension. Noticing it is key, accepting it is there without judgement is a further step and then I can begin the process of letting it go. It has taken me a long time to come to an understanding of that process and though there are still oops moments it is a great feeling to be open more to myself and others, with them or just with me.
This blog is a diamond. There are so many things I would like to express about it, the first one is this, when you say:
“I found it hard to be myself around people, even though I loved them, as I was always trying to please everybody (which is exhausting) and so, I was always looking for ways to be alone.”
This can´t be overlooked in your blog, because if reveals a deep truth…we are responsible for feeling exhausted around people, because if we make our connection to others about getting feedback, acceptance, recognition, empathy… we need to work hard to please all of them..! It would then be a pretension to say we want to stay there… if we are going to be so stressed as the task to keep everyone happy is totally unnatural, and the securest way to completely extinguish our life-force to the end: Me time please!!
Me too Susan, I was only reflecting yesterday on feeling ‘the capacity of space’.. and that with the feeling of spaciousness, there is clarity, and with clarity there is activity making direction and purpose (the way forth) easy to see.
And yes Anne, what an incredibly stunning and powerful woman you are! I can feel all of you through your photo and there feels like and incredible spaciousness to who you are and what you bring, in fact you feel huge!
Anne what you have shared is incredibly inspiring I’m sure for many people. The concept of letting people in is one I have pondered for a while now. What I have found is the interesting thing is we can be under an illusion of letting people in when in truth we actually do not. But this can quite revealing if we are annoyed by people we are around or just want to get away to have ‘me time’. It is a great time to stop and feel what is truly going on for us rather than make it about them and what they are or are not doing to make us feel this way.
I can remember feeling the same way Anne, always longing for my own space and for time alone. Now I rarely feel like this. Now because I feel that life is about connection with people, I enjoy all of the people in my life. My space is not more precious than them and I am happy to share it.
As I read this blog again, and now your words Amanda, I realise I feel the same. I no longer want to get away from people or want them to leave so I can be on my own, or cling onto them making a meeting more than it is. Also trying to be ” there” for someone has been replaced with truly loving to be with them, knowing it is a “date”, an opportunity to create deeper relationship together, and giving them my whole attention willingly, not through effort. This has happened so gradually that I hardly noticed it happening. Continual commitment to developing my own relationship with myself has brought this about.
I have found a great test of self-acceptance especially when Serge Benhayon’s gaze falls upon me. I feel that he understands and accepts everything of me in a millisecond and in that moment of being seen in full, I have often scurried back into my metaphorical cave within me. I find being with people a lot easier these days since I have accepted myself more and in turn accept others. But there is heaps more work to be done in allowing myself to unfold into the whole of my amazing potential – the same that we all have.
haha, Jinya, I have done a great deal of scurrying too when I have been seen in full, being more aware of my imperfections than my beauty and it is awesome to feel that my gait is more steady.
Yes i too can laugh alongside you Jeanette as i too have done this and can appreciate what Jinya has said about being seen in full and embracing my imperfections and sharing all of me.
Beautiful Susan. Such a clear explanation of the difference between having time alone and feeling the spaciousness within. Thank you.
Excellent blog Anne. I too love people, but have been known to retreat when things get intense, even if I was presented an opportunity for greater love I somehow managed to go into my tortoise shell and seek ‘alone time’. I really enjoy being by myself, but I also love being with people. One great revelation for me is that I can be with myself when I am with people. I learned that being liked, and pleasing people was the thing to do, and in that I never felt fulfilled. But I feel so free now when I just be myself, and don’t worry If I ‘get it wrong’ . I am learning to just be with people again. I have found using humour and lightness a great way to be, knowing what to do and to say from my heart. Then I feel like I don’t need to seek alone time or need a break from what is happening. Still learning which I love!
Yes, Harrison, it is a great feeling indeed to be with yourself in the company of others, so there is no need to go into the tortoise shell to catch up with yourself. I find that I am becoming more consistent in my relationships rather than a bit ‘now you see me, now you don’t’.
I like this Harrison and Janet, your “now you see me, now you dont”, I have been a chameleon much of my life, changing colour to please whomever I was with. To stand in my own true colours now is something I am developing a greater consistency with and it feels awesome to hold steady with that more and more. As you say “Still learning which I love”.
I relate to what you all speak of here, the retreating into my shell for a lot of my life to escape, and changing myself to fit the occasion. But now I am enjoying more and more times where I choose to stay with me and give myself the space to express more truly from my body which feels so lovely.
Such a simple thing to choose to be myself more consistently with others and with such wonderful rewards, more space and expansion and the body is always there to remind me where I contract and withdraw from life.
Anne your last line ‘Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that. And then I have all the time and space in the world… just being me’ is colossal and challenges the commonly held belief that ‘me time’ is time alone.
Awesome point Alexis about the belief of ‘me time’ being alone time. Surely it would feel more amazing to always be living ‘me time’, as in always living in your body and simply being you, no matter what.
What greater gift could there be to give ourselves: “to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that.” Except for the equally great gift that we live knowing this is true for everyone and to live in understanding, acceptance and appreciation of this truth.
Thank you Anne, I love reading your blog. It seems we all live on the flip side of life or the B side of a record, it is second rate to what is on the A side. The love that the world measures us by is not love in the true sense of the word. Life is about living with stillness and not just in the constant motion we currently focus on. We seek solitude and disconnection from people when the medicine is actually to seek interaction and connection and to top it off spaciousness actually brings us together.
What a great analogy Matthew! I love it. I choose the B side playlist often, what a great way to clearly show how easy it is to choose less.
And its in the spaciousness that those so called ‘magical moments’ of connection happen…when in fact there are no co-incidences – everything constellates in line with how we are living.
I also thought that I had to make time to be with myself. I created an hour or an event, like a short holiday, to have time with me. But this is just an illusion as I can be with myself (and be me…) every single moment. I don’t have to go anywhere, I can just do it here, right now at work.
I like the way you point out that it no longer matters to you whether you are working, with friends, family, colleagues or other people or whether you are alone. What matters is that you are with you and the spaciousness within and then people come and go and life flows and you just keep letting people in, doing what is needed to be done and allowing time to be alone when it presents itself. This to me is a beautiful way to be and live. It is full of presence, acceptance, evolution and service to others. Gorgeous Anne.
Yes, this is not something I have a handle on, so to speak, yet I do know that in times when I live like this there is a feeling of true harmony.
It is fantastic to be able to revisit something we hold very dear and that we feel is part of who we call us and actually realise that it is not more than a sign that there is something wrong. Working out what is it helps to understand the reason for the tension and eventually let it go. The fact that to be oneself is no longer necessary to be on our own and that we can be ourselves and be with people speaks highly of a quality we have been able to develop.
I know this- “I need some time for me feeling” aswell. I used to have it quite extreme when I was younger – like you I played roles when I were with people and needed a break from that in between. I thought only on myself I could be me fully. But interestingly when I was with myself I often distracted myself with something to do, Tv etc..This all changed through the inspirational support by universal medicine tremendously. There are almost never moments where I desperately need space for me and if it is so it is a conscious choice to spend time with me. The interesting bit is – I realized how easy I am actually with people, being fully with myself is more of a challenge. So I am working on that instead of avoiding being with people anymore. 🙂
I totally relate to this Steffi, the ‘time out’ I used to afford myself (and sometimes still do!) was never really time to be with me, it was time to fully check out without the distraction of others! Staying with myself while around others is a challenge I am working on day by day.
Ah Steffi. So so true! When I finally get that time to myself I’ve been craving…what do I do with it? TV!! is one distraction I choose to make sure I’m not with myself… or I will go shopping and allow the walloping of a shopping centre to exhaust me. It’s so very interesting how we manipulate what it means to have ‘me time’. I think it’s ok to want to spend time with ourselves, but I question the quality of that time when, for me it is often pure distraction from just being me.
Thank you Anne for your insightful blog. It had not occurred to me that the reason I was so keen for ‘alone time’ was that in my interactions with people I had not been ‘me’: that I was protecting myself from real or imagined hurts. I would do everything to please others and at the end of the day I was exhausted. It is so true that when I am being me everything expands into a grace that is awesome.
This is a beautiful blog Anne. I can relate to almost everything you wrote and expressed so easily. Aren’t we people made for BEING together? If we are clear with ourselves and even if we have some issues going on but stay open to express and explore where it comes from, it is the most natural thing to share time and oneself with other people. That’s how we learn and evolve.
Anne when I looked at your photo I felt almost mesmerised by it and although you are a stunning woman I knew that it wasn’t your looks alone that were drawing me in. Having just read your article I realised that what I could ‘see’ when I looked at your photo was space. There is a vastness in your face which belies description.
Stunning photo of you. WOWSER. Lately my life and days have been a lot busier and the other day I found myself thinking when will I get time for me! The irony is I am always with me!!! So the quality of how I am with me all the time no matter what I do is …. up to me! No one else, no blame, no rushing just how I am with me in all that I do.
Hi Vicky Cooke, What you said here is great. So often I hear people wanting “me time’ but like you said, we are always with me. Its interesting how me time has morphed into something other than just being present… the more presence the more me time.
Even when we find we are on our own in a moment, the truth is we are never alone, in connection we are in relationship with Soul as well as with All.
I agree Adele. We are never alone, because the whole world is full of people and despite the walls we have around us that keep us in the illusion that we are in a building and separate from people, we are always in a community.
We are first and foremost the Sons of God, but sometimes we forget. Ah, but we can choose to remember and consistently remind ourselves and so return to live again from this place. God says, thank you for remembering again, was it the upmteenth time? Welcome back.
You have beautifully and simply captured here the difference between the two Susan. Time alone is so often escapism from responsibility while the internal spaciousness arises because we are committed and accepting of responsibility.
Gorgeous Anne. I also enjoy when I feel at ease wth myself and with other people. I too love people, but have been known to retreat, even in mid conversation into the background and not really “show myself” so to speak. This is a hurtful process. As you said, we don’t always behave beautifully and we aren’t perfect, something I’m learning to accept is we all have imperfections and that everyone is love in their essence.
I reread your blog today Anne. There is so much in your words that I relate to. Today this part stood out – ‘I have allowed people to see all of me. Now I do not hide the parts I don’t like much and I do not pretend to be someone I am not.’ As I type I feel a sigh release from my body. Its one that says thank goodness I am not so caught up in trying to be someone else or hiding other qualities that I felt were less attractive. Accepting myself ‘warts and all’ has been so transformative. I am certainly less exhausted, because I’m not putting energy into trying to be something I am not. Feeling its OK to be me is a real gift after so many years of thinking the opposite.
Love this blog Anne, I have commented elsewhere, but had to mention that the power and beauty of the spacious, timeless being that you are is so clear in the accompanying photograph.
The crazy thing is that if we seek to be separate from other people we are also seeking that separation from ourselves, therefore we would not have time on our own but separate from ourselves too. Enjoying and appreciating time with ourselves when it occurs naturally as part of our rhythm is very different.
“I have allowed people to see all of me. Now I do not hide the parts I don’t like much and I do not pretend to be someone I am not.” This for me is really something important to feel at ease and myself in the world. For a long long time I felt I had to be perfect to be myself in the world… but I am realising that this is never possible. I am learning that it is very lovely to allow myself to be imperfect around other people, te more I do allow all of me to just be the more I enjoy being with other people. Which in truth is the one thing I love most, being with people.
Hi Anne, I love this paragraph as it perfectly sums up of what life is really all about.
‘What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people’ Spot on and bring it on.
The need for time and space to be on my own I know very well from the past. Time alone was a relief from everything I experienced with people and didn´t know how to handle – basically myself, the anxiousness, insecurity, intimacy etc. The more I get to know me with all my qualities and can as well accept my weaknesses I am at ease with myself and hence with people. From someone who in the past said he is not interested in people, I have become someone who deeply loves people and cares for their wellbeing. That has taken a bit of healing 😉 , and it is because of everything Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon consistently offer that I have made the choice to be fully committed to life, myself and people instead of staying withdrawn from life and seek as much comfort possible to make it through life.
For me too Alex, it was fear of intimacy and being seen for my perceived faults, in all honesty fear was not the word, I was actually terrified! Since Universal Medicine I have slowly started letting those walls down as I begin to love and accept myself for who I really am.
When we are with ourselves, indeed, there is time for everything, as we will then simply know what really needs to be said and done and not get lost in a struggle of patterns, ideals and expectations.
When I look at what it feels like to crave more time and ‘space for myself’ I can feel how it is a desire or need to push people away and keep them at bay – quite the opposite to what you offer about letting people “into my heart and into my world” being a way of staying connected to life and others.
So wonderfully true, Anne. I can so relate to what you are saying and love the way you mention being with you is possible in every moment of every day. To connect to the love that you are inside and bring that forth in every meeting and conversation. I am still practising this and celebrate every time I manage to sustain it, even if is for just half an hour. To feel the amazingness of who we truly are and share it with others is just beautiful.
I love your photo in this Anne. You exude the power and sexiness of a woman who feels her essence and is not afraid to show it. In understanding that it is my responsibility to not deny myself and actually embrace and appreciate myself, I too am building a very precious knowing of what it feels to have space enough to not need to hide away. There is a whole world of people out there hurting and looking for a true reflection and to keep hiding when we know the truth is an irresponsible indulgence.
Spot on Jinya, in fact I have come t realise that to to keep hiding when we know the truth is a very selfish irresponsible indulgence.
Ouch.This is so true Kathleen.
To keep hiding or holding our truth back in any way when we know the truth is an irresponsible indulgence, I agree Jinya.
Well said, Jinya. Once we re-connect to our essence and the steadiness of truth in our bodies, we have a responsibility to live in a way where others can recognise those same qualities within themselves. As you say, Anne’s photo captures this power to the bone.
How much do we miss out on if we remain stuck in our hurts and not let people in? Its kind of like when two feuding families go years fighting each other over a silly little thing or when countries are at war. We are meant to be one so anything else is a complete waste of time.
There sure is a lot that we miss out on Kevin, not just us but everyone.
It’s such a common misconception that we hold regarding ‘me’ time or ‘quality time’ as a couple, family, etc. We’ve missed the importance of the word QUALITY and made it about what we do rather than the quality of energy we are in.
Yes Jenny, and my experience has been when I get that ‘me time’ its never enough or does not deliver quite what I was expecting. It’s a perfect set up to keep me searching for that particular experience or thing that is somehow going to bring me that feeling of completeness. I am discovering I can have that feeling of completeness in the middle of a busy workday, just as easily as sitting and reading a book with a cup of tea. Its a wonderful realisation for me that by regularly connecting to my body and staying present with what I am doing, I can actually have ‘me time’ anytime.
This is beautiful, Anne, there are so many great points that you make, especially this one: ‘I have allowed people to see all of me. Now I do not hide the parts I don’t like much and I do not pretend to be someone I am not.’ this is something I too have experienced after attending Universal Medicine presentations over the last 10 years. It feels so much easier, takes all the anxiousness out of living and enables me to let go of wondering what people will think of me. We can all use our everyday experiences to help us learn, with no judgement, no perfection, simply being and expressing and evolving back to who we truly are.
Having more clarity now as to why in the past I shut people out and yet this was the very thing that was missing from my life. Up come the doors of protection saying clearly ‘keep out’ not getting hurt any more – yet inside and behind those doors a large pulsing heart of love just waiting to eminate and be a part of humanity, brotherhood calling. In your words Anne ‘everyone becomes a gift and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people’. So true.
An amazing sharing Anne and one that I feel many of us can so clearly relate too. The very fact that you questioned “Why did I feel that I needed to be alone to be myself” stops the negative processes from taking a firmer grip and allowing the inner healing to begin. An inspirational read to begin my day thank you.
True, instead of keep on running away from what we want to be left alone from the actual question is what does it take to be me again so that I can face and handle what caused the need to withdraw from people.
Anne’s writings are some of my favourite and this blog is no exception. I can only imagine what it would be like if we let everyone into our hearts rather than spending so much time keeping people out of our hearts.
Anne what you have shared is Gold, the very fact that we often want time by ourself brings into question what is the quality of the way we are being with others? Often when I find I let issues at work or problems between people in relationships overwhelm me then I want to take time out – but the fact is why did I allow that in the first place. What you’ve allowed us to connect with I feel is the fact that its first about the way we are open with everyone that is key, then expressing how we truly feel means the times I may want to hide away are mere reflections of me avoiding something. I can also see how in the past, living as a chameleon, time by myself was because I was never actually being myself in the world.
Great points you have raised David, how open we are with ourselves and others is a very good indicator of what we then feel about being or wanting to be on our own. Making time for ourselves depending on that openness can mean the difference between truly being with ourselves or going into protection and hiding. I can also relate the living as a chameleon, definitely because I wasn’t being myself in the world!!
I had not considered that before David. It makes sense to me that craving time alone was to get a break from not being myself, so that I could drop the act while no one was watching.
‘I have let people in….. into my heart and into my world.’ And when we are this way we are more willing to answer the call, step powerfully into the world, and bring all that we are with us, to families, communities and work.
A beautiful testimony, Mary, to the gift to the world that is Universal Medicine. Because of Serge Benhayon and his family, thousands across the world are daring to open their hearts up again, and this will benefit humanity more than any other advancement in society.
Hear, hear Janet Williams and deserves a repeat; ‘ Because of Serge Benhayon and his family, thousands across the world are daring to open their hearts up again, and this will benefit humanity more than any other advancement in society’.
‘I have let people in….. into my heart and into my world.’ I love what you share here Anne. Beginning to let people in is a sure sign we have healed hurts and are free to be ourselves again. We are connected to all things, every other human being and the Divine, and therefore never alone.
Anne, I can so relate to craving more space and feeling resentful for never having it, but what I have come to realise is that the more I withdrew from others and hid away the more withdrawn I became. It seemed at the time that that was the answer to how I was feeling and that avoiding people would cure how I felt, but in actual fact it did the reverse and eventually there were days when I didn’t want to go out at all or see anyone. Now I do the exact opposite, if I feel the slightest desire to avoid others I go to the supermarket and strike up a conversation or go for a walk and talk to people in the park – these days I rarely get the feeling of withdrawing but now I know that hiding away from others isn’t the answer.
I can relate to this too Julie and it’s amazing when we make the choice to go out and be around people how much lighter we feel.
It makes really sense to explore what we actually tend to withdraw from. What is it in particular with people that we feel overwhelmed with or repelled by? I f can identify the trigger it is no longer people as such but specific hurts that are activated by certain behaviours and then we can start to heal and change. On the way we then realize that it has never been people we actually disliked but the pain that was caused by us reacting to some behaviour.
I was very much like this in the past too and used to yearn daily for ‘me’ time especially once I had children. Now though if this creeps in I look at how I been with myself whilst with others and not let the need to hide away take over, by getting out and meeting other people.
Anne, I love your blog and particularly the words about how you have chosen to change:…’ I have let people in. Not through the front door, or into my bed (except my husband!), but into my heart and into my world.’
This is deeply beautiful. I too have begun let people in, people who at first sight I feel like dismissing, or people who have just said something untrue and tangle-worthy! In many different instances I will just want to shut down and walk away and say ‘none of that for me’. But now like you I am making a space to keep my heart open no matter what. Some of the new friendships that I have formed lately just blow my mind with the depth and love, and all encounters with people are so much more full of understanding without judgment. As soon as I feel myself squirming with what someone is saying, I stop and drop the squirming, and let my heart expand!
This is such a joy to read and feel the beauty you have come to from opening your heart and letting people in Anne and is a real inspiration and reflection to be appreciated and shared . If we all did this what a different place the world would be with a loving way of being with each other honouring and understanding and true love WOW! How beautiful to feel and it all begins with each one of us simply letting people in and seeing who we are and getting a reflection back of love and the appreciation and joy is felt by all.
Anne, it is beautiful to read how you have transformed your life from wanting to be alone to being able to maintain your steadiness and stillness whilst in the midst of people. Once we can stay connected with ourselves we don’t need to be alone because we are already with ourselves.
And love the attention you draw to this too Anne when allowing others in as opposed to keeping them out or ourselves behind a non-protective wall — it’s the behaviour that is loveless, and not the person. Such an ease and opening in knowing this.
I love how Anne focuses on the behaviour and does not see it as the person as well Zofia.
It took me a while to see the true person behind a not so pleasant behaviour as well as seeing me behind my reactions towards such triggering behaviour. Understanding oneself and others goes hand in hand and so does rejection; rejecting someone goes with rejecting myself (or the part I avoid being honest about).
Very inspiring and thought-provoking Anne, your question : “Why did I feel that I needed to be alone to be myself?” – so true and i can relate to the retreat or shutting down aspect from experiencing a hurt. Letting people in, comes from accepting who we are, and as you say liking and loving who we are, your line here : ” I have allowed people to see all of me. Now I do not hide the parts I don’t like much and I do not pretend to be someone I am not” – dropping the pretence allows for the ease, and the joy of us in whole life. Where we can be ourselves either alone or with people.
Thank you Anne for expressing so well the need for time on your own to avoid getting hurt which I and no doubt many others can relate to and the exhaustion of people pleasing which I have only recognised in myself more recently. Learning to let people in and accept myself and consequently others has been so transformative for me and I no longer feel the need to escape because I am much more able to observe life and not absorb the misery of others but appreciate the loveliness that is their essence.
‘What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.’ When rereading your blog Anne I was deeply inspired by this sentence – what a beautiful way to live each day, constantly feeling the gift each person brings through their reflection. Truly lovely!
Yes and if this is there we cannot help but appreciate and value every relationship we have in life whether long, short or monetary.
There is a greater responsibility to life than seeking out our own needs, and when this is lived, whether alone or with people, the responsibility does not change because we carry all of our choices with us all of the time.
Anne awesome to read your experience and very relatable… I found I would spend a lot of time in my own company because I could not make other people out, they made everything so complicated. I always told I was very direct until I learned to quash that one because it didn’t make you popular. So I would withdraw and then want to be part of the group but once there I would feel very lonely even in the group, so always felt betwixt and between. Now with a loving, accepting relationship with myself and an understanding of the hurt humanity is running from, Its a responsibility not to waver from my commitment and walk with me in full.
Ah, I was waiting for someone to bring this up. We want to have alone time, because we need a break from being with people. However, how often do we feel alone whilst being with all those people? Because we don’t feel we can be our true selves while we are so busy trying to fit in and not rock the boat.
Many years ago when I was going through what felt like an exceptionally lonely time for me, I was told that even if I was standing in the MSG along with tens of thousands of people, I would still feel alone. The moment we are disconnected from ourselves, it doesn’t matter who is or who is not around us…we will always feel empty and alone, and our dedicated and controlled ‘alone time’ will never be about re-connection if we choose to stay running from who we truly are.
WOW Anne that is a fantastic blog, outrageously confirming and very awesome in the wisdom you have left all of us
‘What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.’
That is a beautiful way to live and observe life from your heart (:
I cannot say that I see everything reflected to me as a gift 😉 but definitely as a reflection and an opportunity to learn and grow from. Working on the gift aspect.
Hi Anne, great blog. I can so relate as in the past I was forever needing ‘space’ for myself. I laugh at this now as I realise that at the time I was so removed from myself by being so in my head that all the space in the world never has satisfied me and what I was really looking for or yearning for was connection. Connection with myself.
“When I allow them to see all of me, I can see all of them” Yes and then we are able to see beyond their protective wall and see their true loveliness. The more open we are with another the more they can feel vulnerable enough to be open with us. I know that the first thing I used to want to do when I was not dealing with something was to have ‘time out’ – withdraw and be on my own. This didn’t work it only either put off what I hadn’t been willing to deal with or I buried it only to find that it presented again in another way sooner or later. If timeout is used in this way it can be like a prison holding back all those feelings that have been suppressed and not expressed. Thanks to Universal Medicine and posts like yours Anne I now choose these times to honestly reflect and am learning to not hold back my expression and that does free up time and space to just be me.
I smiled when I read your words as you could so have been writing about me, and I am sure that we are not the only ones who are struggling with the same patterns of behaviour. I love your line… “When I was young, I got hurt. Nothing terrible happened, but I felt hurt that people did not truly see me and feel how lovely I was, and appreciate me – just for being me” … actually it made me feel quite sad because I had a realisation recently that I had felt the same as a child and due to that I had withdrawn and shut people out and this has affected all the 50+ years of my life since. But through Universal Medicine I am coming out of the shadows and am loving being with people and people are beginning to connect with me, which is something that sometimes takes me by surprise because I am not used to it! Being open is a beautiful feeling and letting people in is what it is all about isn’t, thank you Anne.
I agree, it is beautiful to connect to you 🙂
It is a very big misconception that we need to be alone to be with ourselves. We can be with ourselves at any given moment no matter where we are or what we are doing.
So true Nikki and the more deeply I build my connection with myself the more I am able to stay with myself whatever is going on around me.
Anne, I could so relate to this blog. I used to always want to be on my own and would feel anxious when around others because I wanted to be on my own so badly. I had forgotten I used to be like this until reading your blog just now. I too now ask myself what is going on with me when I have that strong desire to be by myself. It was a great confirmation for me as to how much I have let people in, but also in how much I now let myself out.
I used to describe my home as a recluse. The dictionary definition of a recluse is ‘a person who lives a solitary life and tends to avoid other people’. Even with all the changes I’ve made and feeling amazing, I am still breaking down a long held belief that solitariness offers me a place of safety. I sometimes observe that when I’m in in large groups, I feel on the fringes and not fully part of the whole. Being aware of this is start, openly sharing this a miracle and knowing it is something I’ve created and can change, a revelation.
Yes, Nikki, it is two ways road- letting people in and letting myself out. Lately I have been working on letting people in, sometimes it felt a bit passive. Now I enjoy going into world, interacting with people. It is getting easier and more delicious every time.
Loved reading your transformation from seeking time and space alone so that you could just be yourself to having that experience among people and while engaging with the whole of life. This is truly gorgeous because the whole of life is then touched and then blessed with the love and the beauty that you offer through being the true you in every moment of the day.
Same for me Golnaz, I related to Anne’s experience of trying to create space, yet also craving connection and the difference it made when I stopped holding the world at bay
“Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that.” This I, too, am learning to practice and by doing so my life and relationships are fuller and deeper with more purpose and truth.
It’s true Jonathan. Making time and space for me, can be a quality we hold within us, we don’t have to disconnect from others or withdraw from the world.
“What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.” I love what you have written here Anne. This is such a joyful and expansive approach to living life.
Anne this brings a whole new meaning to ‘taking time for yourself – which has always been purported as of benefit to our well-being. So in truth then, it is not about withdrawing oneself to enjoy a bit of ‘me time’ but instead to be your self with people, let them in and breath freely.
Even when we are along-in the car driving to work, in the shower, or just at home- we are never lonely with this new re-discovered connection to everyone and everything.
Hmm that’s a great swivel Rosanna, ‘me-time’ is us being us, independent of those around us. So me-time is not a solitary activity to seek, but in fact a permanence of being-us.
This is revelatory as how many of us work to create space and time for ourselves when the opposite is required – to not withdraw from life but open up to it and be yourself with people.
“I know that because we are love; if our behaviour is loveless, in that moment we are not truly being ourselves.” This has been a true revelation to me in my life too. Understanding and appreciating the difference between making the person more important than the issue. It is something so deeply embedded in us, as you say, coming from trying to protect our hurts, but everyone loses out when we chose to behave this way in reaction ourselves.
Just reading what you have expressed Susan was expanding – very beautiful.
That’s gold Fiona and what also stood out for me. Acceptance feels like the key to Joy and understanding – something for me to embrace more deeply… and then appreciate, appreciate, appreciate.
This is great Anne, thank you for sharing – “I have allowed people to see all of me. Now I do not hide the parts I don’t like much and I do not pretend to be someone I am not.” Very powerful and something I am constantly working on. What you have shared will support so many people to be themselves in any situation, anywhere. Being truly seen was one of the hardest things for me to break through – BUT one of the most freeing things I could have ever done. It allowed me to be real and genuine with others and more honest with myself.
I love what you’ve shared Anne. Learning to like and accept ourselves leads to accepting others for who they are without any need for them to be different and so there’s no need to hide away if we’re not trying to avoid anything either from ourselves or others.
Anne I can completely relate to wanting to have time on my own, like you I was always around people. I grew up in a big family and my work has always been with many people. I too came to the understanding that I was wanting to avoid getting hurt. As I have over the years started opening up and letting people in, it has supported me in the understanding that it’s ok how others are as the behaviours are not them, and they are truly loving beings. It’s just their behaviours in that moment, which is not living and they are just not themselves. This has supported me hugely as I no longer hold that protection of getting hurt.
Thank you Anne. This is a good reminder that if we are craving being alone then something is going on for us, something is bothering us and we have to deal with that rather than just focusing on having “me” time.
I agree, Elizabeth. Having me time is not necessarily enjoyable, whereas it is enjoyable to be in concsious presence.
Thank you Anne, beautiful to hear and a blog I can totally relate to, I have often in the past retreated when I have felt hurt wanting to be alone feeling like I’m the only person in the world I trust. Yet I am seeing as I open up to love that this no longer is the case. The more I open up and let go of expectations of myself and others the more accepting I am. With this acceptance is a growing understanding of myself and others. None of this would have been possible if it was not for Universal Medicine and the support I have received to trust in humanity and myself again. Life is to be shared!
Holding ourselves in and with Love is the most beautiful feeling in the world. Whilst I don’t hold myself with Love all of the time, the propensity to is getting stronger. With that we are much less harsh with ourselves and certainly more open to people.
I loved this blog Anne, it’s a great reminder of the freedom we feel when we let people in and drop down the barriers.
I love that feeling of the freedom when I let people in. It paves the way for more of me to come out instead of living in the past of what I should have done.
Thank you Anne for sharing this gift with us all I love it and this stands out clearly that “If I am just being myself there is a great space within me, and all the time in the world. And this spaciousness spreads and extends from within me and is all around me, and I live and breathe and move in this space.” This is the miracle humanity is looking for and is so beautiful to feel and live .Inspirational !
Gorgeous Anne. I can certainly relate to shutting people out and trying to go things as alone as possible, however am working on precisely what you’ve talked about in this blog – creating space for both me to be me and them to be them. Thank you for sharing your journey, and how awesome it is to connect with people now without hardness and protection.
It’s interesting how we let the world form how we are. True freedom would be to walk through life totally being ourselves without fear of any judgement or allowing ourselves to be influenced by anyone else. As it is, most of us walk through life conforming and molding ourselves to what we think or have been told is required. No wonder many of us feel we can only be truly ourselves when we are on our own. I am learning to drop my need for confirmation or recognition from people and simply express as my loving self in the world. This is very liberating.
Makes so much sense Rebecca why most of us feel we can only be our true selves when we are alone…Like you I am also learning and at the same time I am discarding the need to ‘fit in’, to be recognised and to be met, which is freeing up so much space for me to just be myself. And then just giving myself permission to be myself.
Anne, I can feel how this is something that happens to children, ‘ I felt hurt that people did not truly see me and feel how lovely I was, and appreciate me – just for being me. From that time I found it hard to be myself around people’, I had a similar experience, I felt that my sweetness was not seen, I withdrew and did not really feel like i was myself with people as how i was i thought was not good enough because i had not been confirmed for being my lovely self and so i started to try and be funny and quirky etc to gain some sort of recognition – how sad it is that we leave our precious selves and develop a way of being to get noticed.
Letting people into our hearts is something that I thought should be easy, but actually I turned out to be a work in progress. Considered a vivacious woman, I was actually hiding myself from people and this was actually just shutting them out. Letting our hearts be open to everyone is so liberating it warms my heart just to think of it.
“What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.” This is phenomenal. How many of us look at life this way with a willingness to be so open to others and really see what is being shown to us?
There is so much in this blog to reflect on, and what stands out for me today is the wisdom of asking ourselves what’s going on, when we feel we need time alone. We are not meant to live in separation, and it is in our nature to live and work together with a shared purpose. So if we get out of the flow of this, we need to look at where we are abandoning our true way of being.
I love what you have shared here, as I often experience the same thing, shutting myself of from others doesn’t bring me what I always thought it would bring, as I shut out the love for people and thus the love for myself. Bringing myself back to the connection with people and appreciating all of what they are, and all of what I am does bring a lightness in my body, and makes me feel the love and space to be me.
Me too Benkt, this has been my experience too. But these days I am finding I have a strong desire to connect with others, to be in togetherness, comes from a deeper connection I have with my body and with myself.
“I am much more accepting of myself, and so I am much more accepting of everyone else, with all their foibles, weaknesses, and great beauty. When I allow them to see all of me, I can see all of them… and we are all mainly wonderful.” Beautiful Anne. As I have learned to meet and delight in the love that I am so too have I felt the love in everyone else. Love unites us all.
Beautiful Anne how you expose that wanting “ME time” really is all about us wanting a break from getting hurt by those around us, a break from having to deal with life, the reflections it offers and the truth it exposes non stop. As long as we see these reflections as a nuisance life can be hard, as soon as we see them as an opportunity to grow and return to our essence, to love, these reflections become precious gifts we are given non stop.
I love also how Anne exposes what lies behind the wanting ‘me’ time.. taking a break from dealing with life and with others. Thus if we are feeling the need for alone time, then have we been giving out too much, have we absorbed other people stuff… are perhaps questions to consider?
“What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.” In this to me lies to key to life, a great wisdom we have forgotten. Every moment is a gift, being with ourselves, connecting to our essence, meeting and being with others, all part of us returning to our Glory.
Love the picture of you Anne Malatt, you look and feel absolutely solid just being you! I could very much relate to what you wrote about work; ‘ I don’t feel that work is hard work, even though I work hard’….this is a huge turn around for me in that I can now say, I have a strong work ethic (where in the past I had none) which has given me such a renewed commitment to life… thus, I find I get so much more done without much effort…
This is great Anne, you share yourself so beautifully. Wanting time alone I can now feel is really wanting time connected to me and that is a choice I can make at any time regardless of whether I am actually alone or not. I can feel how my perspective has been way off. Your blog opens a lot for me, thank you 🙂
Anne it’s great to hear how you dealt with your childhood hurts by making space and time with yourself and later recognising that by doing this you were shutting out humanity. I too did this but I craved intimacy with another to share how I felt. I lived love conditionally. But now I am learning that by actually feeling all of me first- the love and divine beauty that I am, I then naturally express from who I am, with no need of acceptance or recognition from others.
Thank you Anne for such an honest and insightful account of what it means to protect yourself from being hurt by trying to create space just for yourself. It is such a different way of living that you describe where we stay open to all but connected to who we truly are.
I have always loved my own company. When being with others meant having to meet their expectations, pleasing them, performing a role in order not to feel rejected – there were many times I would choose to retreat and not want to be with them, and people were nuisance to me. Getting to know and trust who I truly am has made a huge difference in the way I understand and appreciate people more, and what you share here has taken me a bit further and made me realise the beauty of the synergy in which we all move individually, yet forming a one as a collective. Thank you, Anne.
Yes, it’s very true – that people are themselves and in our reactions to them, great reflections for us to learn from – bringing good, bad, ugly and all other manner of life lessons. So wanting our Greta Garbo ‘alone moments’ is merely a way to put our head in the sand and avoid the unavoidable – the truth. Truth can hurt, but it paves the way for honesty and from there new choices. These choices can bring about a sea change in our self- awareness and self-acceptance, themselves key ingredients in our very own evolution.
Hi everyone, thank you for your loving comments, sharings, understandings and expansions on this blog.
I wrote this blog quite a while ago, and when it was published yesterday, I read it again, and it opened me up and helped me to understand and heal something I had been struggling with in that moment.
It just showed me (again!) the truth that, though these words may come through us, they are not from us, for they come from an eternal source – beyond time and space – that is there for us all, for we are all from it, if we so choose it.
… yes it is inspiring to feel the wisdom that can come through us when we are connected to the ‘eternal source’ and we can recognise it as we are also from that.
Anne I totally understand what you mean when you say” I don’t feel that work is hard work, even though I work hard – for it is a chance to be with people, whom I love.” I feel same same, I feel blessed that each day I can goto work and be paid for being with people I love.
It feels like when we judge or hold another as their behaviour only it concretes them there, stuck in the mud. If we hold them (and ourselves) as being and knowing we are in fact divine, even if their choices do not reflect that at the time, then we allow space and an opportunity for healing for all.
Beautifully said and a beautiful reminder Rachel, thank you.
This is great Anne – another person’s loveless behavior doesn’t mean we are love-less. We are the only ones that choose this for ourselves.
‘I now see the love-less behaviour as something that the person has done, and not who they are.’
This is truly a golden key to understanding life and not reacting to it. Thanks for the gem Anne and the reminder that we are not our behaviour, we are so much more than that but we are certainly responsible for our choices and will always be shown what they feel like through another.
I love this line Anne “I am much more accepting of myself, and so I am much more accepting of everyone else, with all their foibles, weaknesses, and great beauty. When I allow them to see all of me, I can see all of them… and we are all mainly wonderful.” We are all mainly wonderful and the sweetness I felt when I read that was gorgeous, the lightness and loveliness of who we actually are underneath the fronts we put on.
You illustrate clearly Anne how the yearning for the ‘green grass’ of solitude comes from misunderstanding and conflict that infects into our everyday relationships. What a 360 to be able to see that every person and situation is here as a lesson and teaching. This understanding changes everything. Everywhere we go people will be, there are 7 billion of us so imagine what the potential for healing there is, just waiting for us to be open and receive.
Very true Joseph, you expose the great illusion behind the ‘green grass’ – the only (true) green is inside, though it is to understand how this inside green has become muddied through our own choices alone such that instead of walking away to seek illusionary new, we walk back to re-find its pastures of great old to see that not only is it green, but also gold.
I appreciate this too Joseph. There are such great lessons to be had in all moments that are all designed to support us to evolve if we choose to stop, see and feel the truth of what we are presented with as a constant communication.
Beautiful Anne, I can really relate to the need to retreat from life in the past as a way of not wanting to feel everything going on around me…and how I was reacting to this. It was a protection. As I accept more deeply all I feel and not react to this it allows an openness or ‘spaciousness’ you mention and I can see more clearly both the love within me and the equal love within others. We may not live this due to our hurts and separation but none the less it remains for us to choose to reconnect to. I feel inspired to live from this connection to love.
Haha…the timing of this blog was perfect for me, as I now understand why I too am feeling less and less the need to have ‘me time’. You have expressed this soo clearly…and confirmed for me the Truth that we are meant to be in connection..ALL of the Time !
The only protection we need is truly being ourselves and letting the world in, for connection is natural. We may have to work through the resistance of old imprints when we have chosen to not be in connection with ourselves and the world in the past, but with consistency and commitment in accepting ourselves, we find we are irresistable, when we do not resist our own love, and the world reflects that back.
Absolutely- there is nothing more attractive then someone who doesn´t hold back the love for oneself!!! The world irresistable nailed it 🙂 We are irresistable then and have to allow the beautiful reflections in . Maybe this is a part, why we are avoiding showing us in full 😉
Interesting point to ponder on Steffi.
“Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that. And then I have all the time and space in the world… just being me”. I too have learned that making space for me just comes from living true to myself.
“When I was young, I got hurt. Nothing terrible happened, but I felt hurt that people did not truly see me and feel how lovely I was, and appreciate me – just for being me.” I can relate to that too, Anne, but for me, I was surrounded by a lot of judgment, not just of me, but of others too. I have suddenly realised from reading your blog, that had quite a lot to do with my shutting down from other people at quite a young age. I now see that I carried that feeling of judgment into my interactions with other people, I expected them to be always judging me, so I became loathe to really show myself as the bright spark that I truly was and constantly held myself back. How sad it is that so many of us close down through our experiences when we were very young. But then, over the generations, we have all experienced things like this, so it becomes an ongoing saga between people and one of the many reasons for people not being their true selves in our relationships with one another. We cannot blame our forebears, who had their own restrictive experiences when young, but it is up to we who have learned another way of living, to live that to the full and show others that they too can live this beautiful open way, with our hearts open to everyone. Thank you so much for your perspective on this subject, wonderful that you have learned to open your heart widely to all now, and wonderful that you are now the true YOU, a beautiful, completely open, loving woman.
I’ve recently been feeling that space around me, in spite of a super hectic schedule. It is a wonderful feeling as it always left me feeling interested, open, and very much on the front foot. It was very interesting to lose that space for 24 hours… suddenly the overwhelm of everything I was doing kicked in, I pushed people away, struggled to get time on my own etc. etc. Yet there was no difference between one day and the next, except that I had lost that spacious feeling inside. Dead easy to re-introduce it of course, but a very interesting mini case study.
Converting our investment in time and space in life, to the space to be with ourselves, was something always there as a concept for me, in my studies of contemporary Yoga. It made the body a means to an end, manipulating it for a better posture, better energy levels, clearer focus and thinking and more productivity in life. Yet in this way of treating the body, there could be no true appreciation of bringing the space I thought I was making in the practice into a way of being in daily life. It was more a short term panacea for not having space and time for myself. It was not until I was introduced to Esoteric Yoga that I truly understood what space was about – and it surprised me that it was already there all the time! This can turn a life around from thinking we need to find space or make it, to rediscovering it within us and dropping all the time and space shrinking behaviours and desires that keep us from living it very simply.
It’s amazing how much energy we can go into trying to make space and time for ourselves. The irony is that when we simply connect and be ourselves the time and space is there and can be felt. No trying, it just is.
Thanks for sharing this Anne, I can relate to wanting to be alone but at the same time I love being with people so its interesting to go further and see if I am wanting to hide or run away from my responsibility.. is that why I really want to be alone.. why am I hurt? These are great things to stop and ask ourselves.
Beautiful, Susan. Yes, there is a world of difference between the two feelings – it is just a matter of being willing to feel them!
Yes, Esther, and when we feel the pull to be alone, it is so important to feel whether we ‘need’ it, or whether it is a true impulse. I know now that if I ‘need’ it, I have put something in the way of me being with people, and that is not true. So when I feel the ‘need’ to be alone, I actually need to be with people. Although sometimes I need to be by myself to be able to feel that!
“To be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that. And then I have all the time and space in the world…..just being me. ‘”How joyfull this feels.
Living disconnected to ourselves and body is actually very toxic. It would not be true to say that with only sometimes ‘me time’ I can live lovingly, as I need to live with myself in connection everyday, and have less moments without this connection as possible, without perfection. Even though I agree with having space to really appreciate and spend time with yourself, that is needed.
It is deeply inspiring that you have come to a place where you don’t live in the tension consistently but use it when it arises, as an indicator that there is something you need to look at within yourself. Most people will run from or bury such tension with whatever entertainment or substance to avoid what is there to learn from, so it is gorgeous to read of someone choosing to live another way that is so much more deeply supportive and evolutionary in their relationship with themselves and therefore with others equally.
Beautiful Anne, dropping the false protection from others through understanding exactly what it was all about brings a great inspiration to all of us. Thank you.
We are all from the one same source, whatever way we choose to look at life. As Anne states here, if we feel like we need to be alone then there is something else to be considered. I have lived this road in my life and know my desire for “escape” was influenced by my exhaustion in trying to manage the outcomes from interactions with people I met in my day. I used to run to the sea to be as far from people as possible. Now I don’t. I have been supported into the understanding that solitude is escapism, working, being, and loving people allows a constant sharing and appreciation of everything that is going on around me. Simply put if we are to evolve it will be together and not one by one.
Wow I love this Anne, ‘I have allowed people to see all of me. Now I do not hide the parts I don’t like much and I do not pretend to be someone I am not.’ This brings tears to my eyes, it is so simple but something that as a society we rarely do, I can feel how I hide the parts i think aren’t very nice about me and i hold back my full loveliness with people too, what you have written feels so freeing and lovely, its letting all of the guard down and allowing ourselves to just be.
Absolutely, this stood out for me too and it highlights that we are all equal.
Anne, you have described so well what it means to shut people out, and also to open up your heart and let them in. I love that you have such a solid and loving relationship with yourself, and that is the foundation for living with other people.
I love how you so clearly describe the differences here Susan. The feeling of spaciousness is absolutely divine when we allow it to occur from within, it’s so natural yet I feel we often can get caught up in filling our spaciousness with our hurts and emotions.
Thank you Anne. I find it interesting how we often try to protect ourselves from other people in fear of being hurt by creating shield, separating us from others and like you’ve shared this doesn’t work. What I have found is the best protection of all is to actually be open, loving and simply be myself. In fully knowing and expressing who I am, I feel I don’t need any form of protection as I can feel that nothing can really affect me or hurt me because with this deep connection with myself allows me to connect to truth and to people.
It is awesome Chan when we drop the protection, I have experienced this normally at the end of a 3 day course when I have been slowly letting down the guard till I arrive at the last day and I am so open and full of love to everyone, the fact I know I can actually live like that is a great marker in my body, and something I am surrendering to live everyday not just at the end of courses!
Exactly Chan, the more we are connected to who we truly are and no longer living from our hurts, our love is the greatest form of “protection”.
I have witnessed from close how there are people who don’t like being with other people at all, instead they prefer for instance animals, and call a horse their best friend. They have given up on trusting people and prefer being on their own. A horse can’t love you, so they miss out on love by keeping their heart protected and the world misses out on them too.
I love how simple and clear you described the difference between wanting time alone and creating a spaciousness within. Wanting time alone is also communicating I can’t handle this while you are all there, I need to separate myself from you all before I can get back to myself, whereas the spaciousness inside asks us all to evolve together and create brotherhood.
“Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that.” I am learning that this feeling can be held when I am with others so when I choose it I am always making space and time for myself.
Well said Rachel, I am learning this too that everywhere I go as long as I stay connected with my body, staying present, then I am always making space and time for myself to express what is there to be expressed….
So beautiful Anne and so relatable to and very meaningful, thank you for sharing this understanding so clearly and where you have got to . Time space and being alone is something I have been getting to understanding also. Spaciousness comes from within and nature and configurations can help support us with this feeling and and confirm all we are beautifully.
Thank you for reminding me how important it is to connect to the fact that we are all naturally lovely in truth. This helps me to trust God when others choose to express in ways that harm as I know that in truth we all want nothing more than to express love.
Very true Leonne. This understanding offers a greater level of compassion we can bring to others and ourselves.
“What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.”
To be open in this way for such learning is a blessing for all. Thanks for your blog Anne.
Gosh I really love this Peter and so true, everyone we meet is a gift reflecting back to us an opportunity to learn more about ourselves. I shall take this into my day with me.
This is an awesome blog Anne. I feel spacious just reading it.
The more I allow myself to just be me no matter what the situation, the more I can feel the spaciousness within me. The more I feel this spaciousness the less I need to escape.
I agree it did create space just reading it, I will be re reading this blog for inspiration for it is a very simple and loving call back to living as nature and god intended, no big deal just being our lovely selves.
It seems that the need to escape is huge in our society, we are great at avoiding really letting each other in. This is why we have so many forms of distractions in the way of entertainment. What would it be like if we were to take away all the movies, video games, TV programmes and instead actually take the space to connect to each other?
Yes I can so feel this too- the more space the more of me and the less the need for ‘me-time’ as I am already there with me 🙂
“If I am just being myself there is a great space within me, and all the time in the world. And this spaciousness spreads and extends from within me and is all around me, and I live and breathe and move in this space.” It is gorgeous feeling. Instead of rushing to get everything done or getting away from people you simply allowed yourself to be yourself and – voila!- magic of God in action. No training to be a magician. Just be who you’ve always been.
A great blog thank you Anne. There is such an irony in the saying ‘me time’, who are we with if we are not with ourselves all the time?
Exactly! And why do we need me time? If we were with ourselves more often, would we still need “me time”?
For all those people in the world who are angry at someone, Anne has offered a great yet simple recipe for healing the situation: …”I like myself, and that has made it much more possible to like other people.” Beautifully stated.
Anne I can relate to craving time alone, and making life about getting to the next moment where I could just be by myself. Life in between my times alone often felt like they were an inconvenience that got in the way of me truly enjoying life and simply doing what I wanted to do. Something always felt like it was missing though, and I have come to learn I was missing myself. I’m very grateful to have been shown the way back to me by Serge Benhayon, and all the wonderful Universal Medicine practitioners whose session have helped me heal much of what was holding me back.
I love your honesty Debra, ‘Life in between my times alone often felt like they were an inconvenience that got in the way of me truly enjoying life and simply doing what I wanted to do.’ I can relate to this too, a little bit of pick and mix: I’ll have this, but I don’t want that! Moving from this belief to knowing the true purpose of life: to evolve self and support others to do the same, changes everything. Life becomes a unified whole, not segmented, our commitment to every aspect the same. All of life is precious and divinely given, and something to fully embrace.
Loving with an open heart creates space. It is the same space that was always there, but the walls that once tried to contain it have been dismantled so that love can move more freely, both in and out, so it feels as if space has opened. The more love we express, the more we are able to receive. Therefore, if we are thirsty for love, we need only open the door, not rage from behind it, to feel it all once more.
Liane I loved this from you – ‘Loving with an open heart creates space.’
We are love. And despite the many ways we have invented to fight it, resist it and refuse to express it, does not and cannot change the fact that this is so. Part of the problem is that when we are not resisting it, we are trying so desperately to be it. But we can’t TRY to be something we already are! Indeed, trying to be love is yet another excuse for not being love, a form of delay we use to resist our grandness and prolong our self-perpetuated agony in our loveless behaviours, patterns and momentums that we have become so entrenched in and identified by. When we accept the love that we are, we accept that everyone else is also of this love, just not always choosing to express it. We are all re-learning how to be with our love, a wobble here, a wobble there… but soon enough a steady step and we are able to walk the Heaven in our hearts once more. Love is a choice and it needs continual choosing in order to to become the foundation from which we move, first with ourselves and then with each other. Gorgeous blog Anne!
In appreciation for all you have shared here Anne, I could feel in reading this blog how distinct the quality of time on my own can be in contrast to how I am when I’m not. Its most revealing to recognise the subtle adjustments I may make to how I am with myself, in my own company, as to that of being with others.
..adjustments need not be, for in willingness to allow people in, to allow the protective walls to fall away, there need not be any difference to the space I am in with me than to that of sharing it with others.
What a beautiful invitation to be out in the world with everything we are, everything I am. Your blog puts things in a new perspectieven for me. To see people for who they are begins with acceptance and loving yourself.
A beautiful blog Anne. Like you I always craved me-time, especially after having children. I love this “So, what has changed? I have let people in.” Gorgeous. As I do the same the desire for my alone time is reducing.
‘I am much more accepting of myself, and so I am much more accepting of everyone else, with all their foibles, weaknesses, and great beauty.’ This for me feels so important in being open with others. For years I have been unaccepting of myself, placing expectations on myself of how I should be and what should do, some from my own ideals and beliefs and others from outside influences. Realising this I realised how I was projecting similar expectations and judgements onto to other people. I also thought that they must also be judging me in the same way and felt I had to meet their expectations. What a weight was shifted when I began to develop self-acceptance and subsequently acceptance of others. SO much was revealed to be of my own creation and not in fact the case.
“What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.”
Even just that paragraph – if we think about it and apply it to our lives- is an absolute game changer.
Thanks Anne for a great article.
Beautiful blog Anne – already with the first line I felt oh, this sounds familiar… I have also lived like that in the past, where I could spend an awful lot of energy on planning ‘where can I go in the lunch breaks to not have to be with others’ or ‘how soon can I leave the party’ even before the party had started. I very often felt drained by other people and the irony is that that was becuase I spent so much time trying to keep them out. It is amazing how things can change once we start to let people in and allow them to see who we truly are.
I very often felt drained by other people and the irony is that was because I spent so much time trying to keep them out…. Oh I recognise this old pattern Eva and as I was keeping people out (ie at a safe distance) I was also not letting me out, as I felt it was not safe to just be me around people. Today, the difference is now I realise how it is our relationships that truly nurture and nourish our soul…. the first relationship being with ourselves and expressing our natural divinity to all we meet.
I love this Eva. I would go into anxiety over a party invite! I would plan how to get out of it, how I would avoid people, leave early…Maintaining such a wall of protection takes huge effort.
Great comment Eva. I can absolutely relate to feeling drained by other people and thus trying to keep them out. How amazing to realise that the draining comes from protecting myself rather than simply being me and letting them in.
Thank you for such a wonderful and timely blog Anne. I can relate to all you have written and still have times where I think ‘If only I had some me alone time,’ Recently I have found that having ‘me alone time’ is not the answer but rather connection is – connection first with myself and then with everyone else. That ‘me alone time’ feeling generally is telling me I have lost that connection.
I too used to crave that “me-time”, but looking back I can see that when I did get it there was always an underlying feeling of dissatisfaction, like there was something missing. Now like you Jane if I find myself longing for alone time I can be certain that I have lost that beautiful connection to me, so all I need to do is to take the time to stop and reconnect, and that feeling of longing is gone.
My life has been mainly the same concerning being with people always looking for space to be alone. But the day I started surrendering to myself, accepting what I need not only doing what’s needed – I expanded in me. A space opened up to me inside, that as a result “being alone” is no more needed a an escape, but from time to time me-time as a moment of stillness instead of reaction to the outside world. Lovely blog, Anne*
I love these ME moments too- because it doesn´t seperate and shut people out. The opposite I prepare myself to be the whole me with everybody in taking some time for me now.
I agree Steffi, it is time to honour myself in a different way.
Anne I can relate to what you say about believing you needed to be on your own to feel like you can be yourself. I used to feel this too. However, as I am learning to be more connected to myself and to take care of myself where ever I go I am beginning to let go of this belief and I am absolutely loving being around people. I am finding that I can be myself wherever I am.
Letting everyone in, to see all of me, who I am, in full, the way you described it Anne, is transformative. Surprisingly the harder part was to let myself be seen in full, it was less hard to let the other in.
You are an Amazing Man Christoph
Dear Anne,
For a long time I have felt when with people, that I cannot wait until I am alone, because I have not liked what I am feeling while around others. So much so that I have found myself to be living a life where I am alone a lot. Of recent times I have realised that this is not how I am meant to be living in our world. There is a deep desire in me to be out, in our world, with people, as me, and this I am beginning to now do. It is bringing to me all of the feelings that I have been running away from, slowly, but surely, I am addressing them as they arise and the desire to be in and with people grows every day.
When reading this article I found myself to be the opposite. I never craved time for me as I always craved to be with people not necessarily to let them in but to be used as a distraction so that I couldn’t feel what was happening around me and in a way it was a form of protection from my hurts. After dealing with many hurts/issues I now enjoy that time being me and feeling the connection from within where there is a natural expansion and spaciousness that is felt allowing me to connect with others in a more loving way.
Anne the difference you describe in how you are living now is huge.
To have ‘me time’ now feels almost isolated and in avoidance. As you say – your change in responsibility has led you to ask ‘why do I need me time and what is going on’.
We are all here to be a reflection to others. This can’t be done in isolation. If we are honest with ourselves we are all naturally drawn to people and being around people.
I have recently had a few house guests – and that gives me less space for myself, but to me it is a blessing to have these guests reflect to me a deeper way of living. How they cook, their rhythms, the dinner table conversations have all been magic to me and I can truly see the next lot of changes I am welcoming into my life simply by their reflection.
We are forever learning from each other. Isolation means we could potentially miss the gift of reflection.
We are forever learning from each other. Isolation means we could potentially miss the gift of reflection. So very true Hannah, our reflections of who we are and how we live offer such great support to others without actually doing anything, is the power of reflections….
Thank you Anne for sharing that to feel free is not dependent upon what is happening outside of oneself but rather how one is within oneself. “Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that. And then I have all the time and space in the world… just being me.”
Thank you Anne for putting into words something that I have long felt but not been able to fully understand.
Your sharing is so full of wisdom and has inspired me to reflect on why I have sought alone time. As you so rightly say it actually creates more tension and for me also a deep loneliness because in truth I want to connect with the world not hide from it.
It seems to take more effort to sustain keeping people out, to be guarded than simply just to be. Self acceptance really is key to dropping the guard and layer of protection as this keeps our own self love at arms length from ourselves too. So to sustain this.. who and what are we actually protecting ourselves from?
I so agree Johanne, self-acceptance and appreciation of self are key, for if we truly see our worth we would not want to hide who we are from the world. With this comes responsibility and I feel this is the thing we so often choose to run from. But is responsibility really our greatest burden or is it in fact our greatest liberation?
What struck me Anne in your writing was how you described that “nothing terrible” happened in your childhood yet you felt hurt by the reactions you received to your natural way of being. The potential we all have but can allow to be dimmed is remarkable and what you describe in returning to that openness is very childlike. A very young child can be open and feel very spacious yet they will naturally, intuitively not let people in who do not feel good. There is no judgement there just a beautiful way of staying open yet not allowing harm, being very connected to every experience that is going on with observation but no absorption.
Amazing blog Anne, I see the same patterns in myself of being hurt from not being seen for just being myself as a child. The difference though is I went into a job where I work alone most of the time. I love and accept that everyone we meet is reflecting something to us for us to learn even though this is hard to believe sometimes.
Susan I agree internal spaciousness feels like a deep acceptance and appreciation of who I am, this allowing the connection to the love that i am which in turn reflects out to others. The spaciousness comes from just being and appreciating oneself.
The more we like, appreciate and accept ourselves for who we are the more we allow that of others, without any effort. This is very beautiful.
There is such joy, vitality and space in appreciating and accepting ourselves more and more just for who we are. The people pleasing is particularly draining as it takes an effort to assume a role or be something that I am not.
Another wonderful sharing of you Anne, thank you very much. For me your sharing is pure medicine – especially your sentence “I have allowed people to see all of me. Now I do not hide the parts I don’t like much and I do not pretend to be someone I am not.” resonates in me. It costs so much energy to hide the parts of me I don’t like and to pretend I’m somebody else. To allow myself to show all of me, is still new to me and I feel a little bit insecure. But I’m sure, the more I start to appreciate myself and show ALL of me, the more confident I will become.
We have got so many things wrong in this world. I too liked to be on my own away from people to be able to be me, to relax and not live with the constant tension to fit in, which as you say Anne is exhausting. But that I ‘liked’ this is not really true, I needed it to keep me safe in my own little world and not to have to face the world, face the world who actually needs me. We have a great responsibility each and every one of us to live the fullness that we are in every moment so that another can be inspired to also live from their truth. If every single one of us starts to live from that which we know to be true even if it is only in one little part in our life, and honour this in ourselves and each other, truth and love will not be so foreign to us anymore.
If every single one of us starts to live from that which we know to be true even if it is only in one little part in our life, and honour this in ourselves and each other, truth and love will not be so foreign to us anymore. What you share here Esther is so true. Imagine if we said to ourselves, I bring all of me to this moment, every cell of my body be with me now, whatever is done/shared in that moment, would be an amazing reflection from heaven that others cannot help but feel/see. A true stop moment for all.
This is interesting Anne, thank you for sharing. I often feel to be alone and will observe what is really going on for me.
So true Esther if we each see the true responsibility we have to live not in hiding but in sharing who we are with the world as you share “truth and love will not be so foreign to us anymore.” Beautiful wise words.
We often dedicate certain times, or portions of the day to ‘me time’, and in truth we do this with every part of the day (work time, drive time, cooking time etc) but what has become apparent to me is that I am me, 100% of the time, and my body does everything I do, but I am still making choices as to how much ‘ me ‘ I let out so to speak. We have behaviours and patterns in life that are governed by certain beliefs we have about tasks and elements of life. Quite often I have moments where I simply stop and become aware “Oh here I am again just cutting the veggies”, “Oh here I am again just sitting in a car” then I realise that life is rather simple, and we have made it so complex. We are just on a planet that is spinning around, and orbiting the sun. When one is very still, and in tune with the rhythm of this, its very easy to see that life is about quality and how we choose to express ourselves and this also brings great understanding about the world around us.
How lovely, Harrison. When we bring all of ourselves to each and every moment of our lives, there is no longer any need to cut our lives up into bits, even when we are cutting the veggies!
Beautiful wisdom you share here Harrison. Bringing all of ourselves in the moment builds the quality for the next moment, deepening or expression.
Thank you Anne, this has also been my experience where I thought I needed to get away from people and in actual fact I needed to learn how to be with people without reacting. To discover that I actually love to be around people and love going to work has been a revelation for me after having so many years doing my best to get away from both. I now know that it was how I was within these situations and not the fact that I didn’t like being with people – it just goes to show that the wall of protection we erect is a false wall to keep others out, but it also keeps us imprisoned from others and our true selves.
Yes, Julie, it is so lovely when we are able to feel that we actually love being with people again! And so true what you say, that the wall of ‘protection’ we erect is in truth a prison for our selves.
Yes Julie, the wall we put up between ourselves and others stops us from loving the deeply amazing people we are as well. Great to hear that you are loving work now, it has inspired me to read that!
Yes Harrison, being open to others and loving others makes me feel more love with myself it is never a one way street.
Thank you, Anne. I can very much relate to craving ‘alone time’ all my life, and can now also recognise that it was because I was still holding onto hurts and protecting myself from the world. The more deeply I connect to myself, the more relaxed and open I am with others, and as you have so beautifully shared, the feeling of spaciousness within and without is incredible.
Is it possible that when we are craving time alone, that is when we need to spend some time with others? I have often found if I just get over whatever hurdle I have to not seeing someone, the effort is well and truly worth it.
This is gorgeous Anne. You have made me look at my constant desire to have time with myself. And you are right, it does feel true that when I am by myself I don’t feel pressured or have anyone around to ask anything of me. I can just be me. However, the slant you propose makes me ask ‘why can’t I just be me when others are around, despite what they may be asking/demanding/needing’. Something to toy with here … thank you.
I asked the same question of myself Maree, ‘why need there be any difference?’ exposing to me how readily the choice to slip into comfort is there for me, when no one else is around.
Yes Giselle, you nailed it.
Totally nailed it. I get to be me, when no one is watching. How crazy is that.
I agree, there are often times where I think I want space to myself to reconnect to my inner heart and as you say, just be me; but the truth is that I connect far more quickly, deeply and truly when I am actually interacting and expressing with others. The hurt I similarly carried when I was young had me believing I needed to get it right or be perfect before I could be with others and having time on my own was my answer to trying to get there!
Anne, I love what you share here. ‘when I was young, I got hurt’, took me back to a pivotal moment in my twenties when something happened that created feelings of deep hurt and rejection. I withdrew from sharing homes with people, started to live on my own and harboured the belief, until now, that if I lived on my own, I wouldn’t get hurt. Living alone was my way of keeping a protective wall around myself, even when in intimate relationships, my home (or a room) was always a place to retreat to, where I felt safe. Things have changed, I’ve found a place of safety within myself, learned to let people in and chosen to work and live with clients in their homes. It was a revelation to find how easy it was to share space with others and learned to appreciate the daily gifts bestowed on me. Each reflection welcomed and an invitation to be more in relationship with others. As I open up to the true me, I am infinitely more open with others. It’s a beautiful time.
The freedom that letting others in after all the years of defending the walls to keep them out sounds like an easy task to complete! With years of defending, one can forget what it is like not to always be ready for an imminent attack. The world has always been a not nice place, by not enjoining in this we are setting the new standard.
Yes very true Steve it is simple and just a matter of choice. To hold on to our walls of protection just because we had them up for so long is just a lame accuse to not take responsibility and go for what our heart tells us.
Great observation Steve… and how often do we worry about opening ourselves up (to a myriad of harms that we worry about), only to find that by opening up a new door, a better relationship, a gorgeous opportunity is actually what manifests?
I could recognise myself in much of what you have written here Anne. Letting people in has been one of the hardest things for me to overcome and I am still learning this. The hurts I carried meant that I found it easier to shut out the world and live from a place I would not get hurt. The pain in my body this caused was permanent and very debilitating, yet was and old and familiar pattern I seemed to be unable to shift. Through Universal Medicine I have learnt that letting people in is the antidote to my hurts so if I get hurt now I look at why I feel hurt and instead of burying my hurt as I used to I catch it straight away and talk about it so that I don’t let it linger and fest.
Dear Anne this is pure inspirstion I am also learning again to open up more and let people in and stop the pleasingthing more and more all this allows me to be more and more myself and this equally so no matter where or with who I am with and what I do or dont do. Its a work in progress and expressing now what is there and what I feel and sharing life together is of great assistsance for me as well as being more aware of my body. Letting go control is a thing I noticed yesterday and to feel that when I am in control there is tension and I cant really let go. So its really an unfolding process in which I get more and more understanding. Thank You for sharing and inspiring us. With love Nadine
It’s important what you have mentioned here about control as with this in our bodies we are in a tension; the complete opposite to feeling how light we are on our toes and the spaciousness of just being ourselves.
I remember a time where I would hide away from people not only because I was hurt by them but also because I was making choices I did not want the world to see. I have seen this in other people too. We know at times that what we choose is not good for us, or not the fair choice or simply loveless and so we try and hide, thinking that if none sees it, it will not be so bad. This is an illusion though as every choice we make impacts ourselves, our bodies and all around us.
I agree Carolien – it is an illusion to think that we can hide the actions we make when we are on our own, our own body is always carrying the result of how we are living and treating ourselves.
Yes Eva, so true the body always will show, or just the state of being the behaviour you tried to hide leaves you in can never be hidden.
This is an awesome blog Anne as there are so many who feel they need ‘me time” To me it shows just how much we are not ourselves during the day if we need special time out to be able to be ourselves. It is exhausting to wear a mask, play a role and adjust to those around us constantly. And so the ‘me time; still does not really become a me time as we use it to numb and district ourselves from feeling the emptiness and exhaustion that comes from not being ourselves in all we do.
I agree Carolien it does show how little we allow ourselves to be when we are among each other. So it is not so much about alone time but about learning not to put on an act when we are with each other.
Yes, it is exhausting to be something we are not. Full stop.
Wanting space or time to ourselves can be a clear indication that we are feeling the tension of not being ourselves in the moment or situation. This holding back robs everyone of the joy and love that we all are when we simply allow being present with ourselves.
Yes there is true me time, and not-so-true me time… The latter is when we choose to avoid connecting with our bodies by distracting ourselves, such as by watching TV, eating foods, going on social media etc., or even time we spend without these things that we use to avoid life and the ‘real world’.
Dear Susie I can relate to what you have shared in your awesome comment. The true “me time” fills me up and the “not so true me time” exhausted me and leaves me in a way empty and alone.
I too find the same Anne, the more I have grown in self-acceptance and understanding the more I hold others in that same too, the easier it is to see beyond unloving behaviours.
If we would all start to allow ourselves to accept more, depend the relationship and honoring more who we are, imagine the love that is to grow between each other! Daily trouble and fights of intentions like “get off me” or “why didn’t you do better” would melt, wouldn’t it? Just imagine politicians talk like that, businessmen make deals on that base – doctor’s treat their patients liken that, bus drivers ride the buses in this ease…* Feels much less under tension – doesn’t it?
I would say that any judgement held upon another is a mirrored image of the judgement we hold upon ourselves and so to bring this self-acceptance and understanding to us; is automatically how we bring and hold it with other people. It’s evolution and healing for everyone involved.
and how great is it when we can differentiate the behaviour not being the person, but just the behaviour.
Yes and when there is understanding and no need for others to act in a certain way, I feel the freedom and space this creates in me and in relationships with others.
Absolutely Rosie, that way, we can detach from the situation and stay connected to our own steady love and hold the other within that.
Well said Josephine – How we treat, react or understand others is a direct reflection of how we are with ourselves first. How can we truly love another or accept them without judgment if we do not hold or have an understanding of what that feels like with ourselves?
This is beautiful Anne, as what you describe here is really making life one whole, as opposed to different parts. When we create partitions or blocks – between people, work and home then this requires energy, and it drains us naturally so. We are designed to live in this unified way, whereby we can allow ourselves to not be affected by our surroundings, and the people in it. What you describe here is a truly wise approach to life, and many are now able to learn from your lived wisdom and experience.
What is being described is a life with flow. No boxes, no compartments. The flow of life is much easier to be in than when we try to box it. Can you imagine trying to do that to the flow of a river? Amelia, you are spot on, we are designed to live in a unified way.
Anne, I really appreciated reading this, thank you and learnt a lot from your experience of lightness and spaciousness and the connection with space and all those around us.
That is what stood out for me as well – the acceptance I hold for myself is reflected in the acceptance I have of others, and not the other way around. And the same goes for judging others which will only ever stop when we don’t judge ourselves anymore.
Exactly. And if I do not give myself the space to be me, I will not allow others to be who they really are when they are with me, so a real connection will not be possible as both of us then are only playing a role.
Letting others be, in their different ways, simply letting them be is becoming a more normal way of living that brings an ease I wasn’t aware of.
Creating space to allow myself to feel that absolute preciousness I am EVEN there are things that are not “perfect”. This is something I had to re-learn, because I was raised and always lived with the believe of absoluteness of perfection. I lived with the ideals of how I had to be, no matter if it was self-made or put on me by demands of the outside world. Letting go of this imprint opens up myself for me – and within that space there is so much more understanding, allowance and accepting for others – that helps to let them in more and more. To trust myself again and bring this up in full. Thanks for your blog, Anne. Great reflection!
To choose to feel our preciousness even in the face of imperfections, aches, pains, emotions, judgements or comparisons that may be hanging around is seemingly huge but only while we don’t make the choice, which is just a choice, when made everything levels out and becomes stable once again. Thank you for this reminder Christina and thank you for this blog Anne.
Yes, this is such a great point to consider.
Yes, i have come to realise the same thing.
If we hold a judgement of ourselves we will naturally extend this to others.
When we Love and appreciate ourselves no end, this naturally extends to all in our sphere.
I agree Gabriele, the more that I accept, love and embrace myself it reflects in how I am with the world.
I whole heartedly agree Fiona and Gabriele. My acceptance of other people, how they live, what they do, etc has expanded since I’ve accepted myself more and stopped judging myself or giving myself a hard time when I get things wrong. It absolutely starts with how we are with ourselves first and then we are naturally more open, loving and accepting of others.
It is so true, the way I am with myself has changed so much since I am a student of Universal Medicine. And this is the key to the changes in my interactions with people. I meet amazing people in my life, and have honest conversations, deep appreciation with another and that way life is such a joy and I love meeting people from this loving accepting space that I have for myself.
What you have so beautifully written Anne rings so very true for me too. In the past, right from childhood, I spent so much time and effort trying to be alone and then if I found myself alone I still wasn’t “happy”; something was still missing. I know now that that something was me; the true me who loves to be with people, who now opens her heart and her life to others, and who simply loves “being me”.
That is great Anne and an important revelation to make. I know myself I used to want the end of the day so I could collapse in front of the tv which I deemed my ‘alone’ time. But it wasn’t really all it did was distract me from me. The same goes like you have found when I want alone time it is usually because I have allowed something to get to me, to frustrate me and so I want a breather from it or some time or space to cool down. Being viewing and seeing life more and more as energy first I have become far less reactive and so reflecting on how I am living I also find I do not need alone time anymore but do not mind it when I have it!
I agree James, the more we are naturally ourselves and remain ourselves during the day, the less time out we need. This is pretty extraordinary stuff really, for it is not the experience of most, thinking that being or working with people is what is draining. But it’s simply not true. We drain ourselves by the brick walls we put up in an attempt to protect ourselves.
We also drain ourselves by the roles we take on in life rather than being in life connected to who we truly are. There is such an effortlessness being open to others in contrast when I am trying to be a ‘good or helpful’ colleague, partner, sister etc….
I know what you mean James and that alone time always seems to eave me still empty and things I was trying to avoid are all still there to have to face at some point.
Yes James, I can certainly relate to having some alone time in front of the TV but it was just an escape from what I did not want to deal with and of course it did not work because the issue was still there when I turned off the TV and tried to go to sleep.
I love what you have shared here James that you also dont mind it when you have it.
This is great what you bring Anne, that the space your where looking for is simply within you. I know this too Anne, that I am looking for space to be with myself, and that in that I have the idea that I need to be on my own, in separation of other people. But in fact we all equally carry this spaciousness in us, we only have to connect to this. And when in connection to this spaciousness inside, it does not matter where I am and what I do as I am with myself all the time. How simple life can be!
Good point Nico. There is not a worry in the world when we are connected to ourselves and we can be anywhere as we are our glorious selves. Absolute simplicity.
Beautiful blog Anne, I love this line: “Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that.” and it sounds like a lovely thing I am going to do today.
It sounds to me like a love affair with self. Gorgeous. Loving ourselves first allows this love to then flow to others.
I agree, Anne. Only loving ourselves first in a way which allows no compromises enables us to love others.
I know that “shut down” mode so well and it has been an awesome experience to actually do the opposite when l want to go and hide away from others. lnstead l now reach out more readily. This has changed my whole experience of hurtful moments. l find in reaching out and talking to others there’s a healing that happens much quicker and l am back in the saddle much quicker. Otherwise when l went into hiding l could be gone for days or weeks.
I can relate to this as well Irena, by coming back to myself more and more I understand how my body moves and how I interact with others in ‘shut down mode’. Clocking this has made what used to be a week long reaction into…30 minutes..10 minutes. Often it’s not about the other person in the first place, it’s my own reaction to previous choices of which is just being reflected to me via another. Attacking the mirror doesn’t change the reflection! nor does attacking ourselves because that brings about the ‘shut down mode’ as well. Knowing that there is always me, a lovely being, within that can be connected to has been my rock throughout this whole process and continues to be, the more I am with this the less likely I am to want to be alone with me because the ‘alone me’ is just hurt and reactive and doesn’t want to look at her choices.
“Attacking the mirror doesn’t change the reflection!” – Love this Leigh…How true. Whats reflected will just come up again somewhere else.
Me too Irena, especially as a child, I was very good at hiding – I was living in my own world, totally separated from others. And as you today I know, that hiding doesn’t make sense and the healing is much quicker, when I look for support or express what has hurt me.
Thank you, Anne, I really enjoyed your article. Two things bounced out at me: The realisation that those walls of protection we put up actually imprison us rather than protect us; and that the ‘me time’ that depends on being alone is actually ‘run away from me time’. You have shared brilliantly how taking ourselves in full into all our interactions, every day, is more honouring and expansive than scheduling in time alone that is in some way perceived as the only way we can be connected and in relationship with ourselves. I certainly learn and grow more in life than avoiding it.
It is interesting how by trying to protect us from something we actually do the exact opposite of what we want to do. Instead of freeing us from the situation we bring us further into its clutches.
Protection to find freedom sounds as absurd as fighting for peace. If we feel that a certain way is how things should be, it is our part and responsibility to make the first step towards exactly that.
Those protective walls are indeed imprisoning! Time to let them down and enjoy the wonderfulness of everyone we meet.
Thank you Anne for a wonderful article, I can relate to your experiences. I particularly love this sentence – ‘What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.’ ! This is a clear and simple statement that allows us, if willing, to learn so much about ourselves.
I agree Susan, this sentence of Anne’s stood out to me too. What a great way to approach life, every moment of interaction with anyone is something precious, so often we can be in function and just keep the interaction minimal, neither person really there.
Yes we are often so blinded and miss out on all the beautiful opportunities and encounters we have in life because we are so preoccupied with other things, protecting ourselves, thinking about what has been or will come all the while love is standing in front of us all the time.
Hello Esther and too true. Every point of our life is made perfectly for us to learn something about ourselves. More and more I see that I am the world. If I don’t ‘like’ what I see then I look deeper and deeper at my part in it, be aware of that and then take that awareness to the next part. The world is not the place we all think it is, there is far more going on. When we stand on any point there is always something for us to be aware of. If you turn away from that point for any reason then you just confirm that point will be there for you again. Life is about healing ourselves so more and more we can move away those hurts we have carried and bring out the natural people we are, it’s about a return to something we are and not advancing as we are.
True, Raymond and Esther. Every point in our lives it is there for us to express back to harmony within ourselves, there is a feeling of completion, until the next point dawns. It is never possible to remain at one point and not go deeper without lying to the body, as the tension of doing so is too great. Any time we get caught up at a point where we feel difficult to move deeper into, there is more responsibility waiting to be expressed, more naturalness to be revealed, our love within us is tugging at us and saying, hello?
Yes Susan, We just need to be open to learning and healing no matter what is presented before us.
Yes this stood out for me as well Susan – when we start to understand what it really means to let people in, it is HUGE, and it has a deep affect on learning to truly know ourselves and others as well as having a profound difference to our overall wellbeing.
Yes, Susan, it is wonderful what we can learn from everyone we meet, it is a great gift to us and as you say, “every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people”. What a wonderful opportunity it is for us to grow through this, and take this even grander person out into the world to be an even greater reflection to others. From this, we can all evolve into even greater beings, and all being our true expanded selves.
Anne, what you share here is a profound insight into the seeking of the ‘me’ time and what in-truth we are actually seeking, which is actually an escape from being around others. The irony is though that being with others actually gives us the ability to understand more about ourselves even though being by yourself seems to give us this insight, it is always far deeper around others. I am learning this is because if we close our hearts to others then we are closing our hearts to ourselves too.
True, Joshua, we miss out on lots of opportunities to learn and understand more about life and ourselves by seeking ‘me time’. It is like saying no to a date with your soul.
Your comment brought me to a total stop moment Monika, it just shows how withdrawing from life and people is only ever a delay from that final connection to our souls.
Anne, I can definitely relate to the wanting to get away from people as a reaction to what I was seeing and witnessing in the world. I would always feel a sense of relief, but I knew that being by myself was not the answer.
I even at one stage in my life took leave from life for 1 month, which ended up being 3 months hidden in the forest in a solar powered house…just being with me and resting and glad to not be around people as they constantly disappointed me. Whilst the rest and stop was very healing, there was one key ingredient missing – people. So since then (10 years ago) I have been working on how to be with people and not react – but instead letting them in and bringing more understanding and acceptance of what is presented in front of me. Being with people is what brings meaning and purpose to my day and makes life a joy 🙂
Haha yes I’ve done this too but on a much more minor scale Marika; found people too ‘disappointing’ and unsupportive so retreated to my room whenever I could, or just generally not engaged in any serious conversations that would require me to connect and talk about how I truly felt. This didn’t end well, to say the least – I buried my issues and the contraction away did not go down well in my body… Not advised, when there are so many awesome people out there totally willing to listen and support!
Hello Susie and I have used the ‘retreat’ as a form defence to get away from people. I geared my whole life around navigating my way around people I didn’t have time for. I set up my circle of friends and then would have times to interact with them and certain things to talk about. But there was an unwritten clause in my friendships, a no go area. As soon as this was touched I would walk away. My life on paper looked grand but for me it was horrible, it always looked good but I couldn’t get past how awful it felt. No matter what I did I couldn’t shake this feeling, I could delay it for a bit but then it would catch me again. Enter Universal Medicine and my world is no longer the same and as they say ‘looks are only skin deep’ and so the look is no longer takes first place and I stay with the feeling. When I face something ‘I don’t like’ I go to how I am feeling and speak or act from there. This ‘feeling’ doesn’t shut people down or out, it is a self reflective look, a responsible look at how I am feeling. I know that being responsible for my thoughts, feelings and actions in the world supports the world around me to be different. It you don’t like what you see, don’t look for it to change but change how you are and then watch as magically everything around will be different.
I have never really been someone who retreats from people in the physical sense, i have retreated from myself. Surrounded by people but unable to enjoy them because i am so desperately missing myself, a self imposed prison, for many years i felt very alone and frequently depressed. Serge Benhayon re-introduced me to myself, to self love, to energetic awareness and responsibility, i no longer feel lonely because i know & see the spark that lives within me in everyone else.
‘What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.’
I really resonated with this sentence above Anne. This is what makes life playful and such a joy…and sometimes not so joyful when the reflection is a bit ouchy…but once past that ouch, a joy to realise the gift that has just been given. We are not here to be by ourselves – we can only learn and grow with each other. Each one of us here to bring a piece of the puzzle – and each piece equally needed for the whole.
and that each reflection is a blessing for it gives us the opportunity to make a new choice – that’s the part that I find very beautiful, even if it’s ouchy.
Especially Ouchy, when the same situation keeps being offered for us to make a difference choice!
Yes, whether we make it now or later, that’s up to us. But we are each other’s healing, every reflection we need to return to all that we are.
How lovely when we approach life in this way, appreciating everyone for the reflection they bring. Cuts comparison out, and we all equally enjoy each others expressions.
This is powerful and very inspiring Anne, I can feel the spaciousness within you that you are sharing through this blog, thank you.
Thanks Marika for reminding me of the element of playfullness in recognising the gift of self awareness people offer us with their reflection. More play, yes please!!
I really love what you share here Marika: ‘We are not here to be by ourselves – we can only learn and grow with each other. Each one of us here to bring a piece of the puzzle – and each piece equally needed for the whole.’
Yes exactly and by remembering that our bodies are made up of heaps of particles that can only recognise themselves through reflection – we are each and everyone of us necessary for all of us to give and receive this reflection so that we can grow and expand our Light.
‘Each one of us here to bring a piece of the puzzle – and each piece equally needed for the whole.’ Yes Marika, we all bring something unique, and the reflections can be a bit ouchy, but in truth is a gift to appreciate.
Bellissima Anne Mallat. The love and spaciousness of you is felt throughout your words. I know this spaciousness you speak of as I have embarked on my own returning to it. It is truly GOD-ly. Thank you for putting this on paper. with much love, Anna.
This is quite a revelation, Anne and such a beautiful one for me to ponder. Sometimes when I want “my time” I possibly am running away so I can hide from stressors, reactions or from myself. Sometimes when I am at my busiest I feel more spacious than when I am less busy. It is all about my connection to me and whether I am responding to external stimuli or to my inner heart.
Thanks Anne for sharing this with us. I too have been seeking time away from others and always thought that this was a good thing or something that I needed for myself. In truth many of those occasions were times when I was escaping from a situation which was uncomfortable, I didn’t want to be hurt, and was seeking solitude to do my own thing to forget about what I was really feeling. I was using the solitude, and some associated activity, to avoid feeling and dealing with what was actually going on in the first place – hence it never gets addressed. It’s also interesting that I used to think of time and space as something outside of me that I needed, and was always looking outwardly seeking it. As you so beautifully present time and space is actually within us if we just remain ourselves and allow it to be there.
Frank, I enjoy what you said in the last sentence:”… time and space is actually within us if we just remain ourselves and allow it to be there.” The space is already there but we tend to fill it with busyness or distraction and if we are not being with ourselves when we do something we feel we are missing out and we then tend to create a time pressure which looks forward to getting it done. We then leave ourselves no space to be and by the time we get the job done we are sometimes too exhausted to enjoy the time-out’. By allowing the space we flow within it and things can happen easily without the drive.
Thank you for this Anne, I have been one who has craved similarly and for the same reasons. However sometimes when I have achieved the alone-ness or ‘me time’ it has also happened that I have wanted to get away from myself!
The irony and the tension in that! That rarely happens now but if it should I can see immediately that I am in reaction and take the loving steps to address it. I am finding that I love to be around people more and I am sure that is because I love being with myself (whether with others or not) too.
That I can relate to Jeanette! I have been quite a Houdini in my time, seeking to escape from people. I would find myself alone and in absolute misery with my own company…and wanting to find someone to distract me. Extraordinary really – a crazy oscillation between company and solitude.
Now I love both. The difference has come from enjoying myself and being myself with people.
Ha ha and yes I remember this contradiction of life, wanting to be alone only to find you felt lonely and didn’t want to be alone. In all parts of life I have found a reflection and this was no different. I thought it was people that were the problem and if they change everything would be ok, but this was never the case. I was the problem, how I was and now that has changed my world has changed. No more do I walk away from people as I know that this is reflective for me. The more I am in life with people the more I learn about myself. I don’t just get into life to escape something, I use life as a forever ongoing relationship for what is happening for me at any given point. It’s not just a visit here or a function there but all moments of life for me to reflect on to see how I feel and from that point I have learnt so much. Life is about feeling and not about what I do and I know if I take care of what I am feeling that everything else there after is taken care of from that care.
Oh what a beautiful sentence; Life is about feeling and not about what I do and I know, if I take care of what I am feeling – everything there after is taken care of from that care. This answers all the search for something out there. Comes back to our responsibility to how we feel about ourselves. This has such a big effect to the quality of life we have.
I always thought it was just ‘who I was’, needing all my ‘me time’. I realise now that all my life I needed so much time out from people because I wasn’t being my true self around people, nor was I letting people in in the first place, and so felt drained and resentful of people. As it turns out, as I started really knowing Me and being me in most situations, I am enjoying having people around these days, still never tire of my own company, but I use my ‘me time’ now to just ‘love being with me’, not to escape the world. There is a big difference 🙂
It is such an illusion that we are protecting ourselves by shutting others out. As you describe Katie it is incredibly draining to not allow the natural flow of love between us.
You have hit the nail on the head for me Suzanne, it is such a welcome and beautiful difference to now spend time alone to appreciate the loveliness that I am rather that withdraw from the world to avoid people.
I’m one of those people who makes time to see people, and then regrets it as I’d like time to myself… at least that’s how I used to be. Now I’m opening the doors more often to time with others, and enjoying being with them.
I can relate here too Heather and Amina – I used to prefer to be by myself, however nowadays I enjoy being with others as well as being with myself too, the difference is there is no preference anymore.
Absolutely Suzanne…there is indeed a huge difference between being by ourselves, loving and appreciating ourselves, and being alone to hide from the world. I can also relate to not being our true selves around people, not letting them in and then resenting them – we blame the world for the way our lives are without realising, or to avoid seeing, that it is all our choices that have brought us to this point! And when we choose to be more loving with ourselves, that love is reflected back to us, which confirms that our choices create the life we live.
Anne, your gorgeous blog brought me to tears. I felt how deeply true it is that when we want to withdraw and shut down the blinds and the door it’s often because we might be wallowing in a hurt, and in that we shut out our hearts to people. Having time to ourselves is precious, and it’s not about shunning that in any way, but I can really see how true spaciousness and depth of joy and ease doesn’t really come from that retreat.. it comes from letting ourselves be really seen and not hiding who we are.
Yes Katerina, I can really feel what you are saying, fitting in and holding ourselves back is what is truly capping joy and vitality. The true antidote for this is indeed to let ourselves really be seen, and really be who we are. I have been with this today and can see how often I hold myself in! Feels like I am holding my breath the whole day to not stand out. I can feel though that I know how to simply be me and I made beautiful progress today.
So true Katerina, I am discovering this for myself too, the more I allow the veils, or walls I’ve held between myself and the rest of the world in protection to fall away, the more the space opens up to share in the warmth of love that is there to be let out and basked in, less need or want to retreat away to the ‘comfort’ of me on my own.
Yes sharing our vulnerability and sensitivity with others is sharing how delicate we truly are.
And it’s no wonder the world is the way it is if none is sharing this delicacy with each other.
How gorgeous is this ‘Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that. And then I have all the time and space in the world… just being me.’ It beautiful sums it all up.
I loved that sentence too Johanna, the holding of the feeling inside that we are simply lovely and do not need to do anything more then address that which is right before us creates such space and simplicity.
Johanna, Amina & Carolien,
I agree with this as well. The more that I choose to hold the feeling of loveliness with in the more tenderness, care and love I feel for myself and this is greatly changing how I go about living my days. There is this definite feeling of knowing what to do and when, and if followed life truly is simple.
So true Leigh it is so much easier to feel and respond to the natural flow in life the more I hold that tender connection to the loveliness that I am.
Thank you Anne. This is so relatable for me. I love being on my own and having time in my own space and I love being with people too. However, when I feel I need to be on my own- this is sometimes to shut others out or out of reaction because I feel hurt and at other times it is supportive for me to be on my own to give myself the space to feel what happened in a situation that affected me.
I love this sentence ‘We don’t always behave beautifully, but we are lovely,’ something to keep in the forefront of my awareness.
Yes this is beautiful Johanna. There is nothing wrong with being with someone, and not having a conversation. If we grasped that we can simple ‘be’ with each other, than relationships would be a lot more harmonious.
“everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift” – Such a huge weight gets lifted by taking this approach.
I agree Joel, it makes life so much more enjoyable and means we do not have to constantly prove ourselves to others. It also helps take away judgement or wanting the world and people to be a different way. Effectively we are all where we each need to be to learn whatever we need to learn so we can return back to being our natural loving selves. Without the reflection from others and from nature we would be far more lost and caught in life than we are today. Once we see this we know have a responsibility to live and act with love so we can then offer this reflection back to others rather than living miserably and confirming the misery back to others through our reflection.
Yes James, constantly proving ourselves and wanting people to be different or having to please people is exhausting and complicated. Being ourselves is simple yet it can seem so hard if we allow ourselves to be run by our hurts. If we can see the reflection offered to us by others as a blessing we can open to dealing with our hurts rather than reacting when our buttons get pushed – then we can take responsibility for our actions and make more loving choices.
I agree Joel…. Such a gift and such a game changer if we choose to apply it.
The appreciation for what others bring demands of us to appreciate ourselves, and so the cycle continues.
Yes, you can say that again Joel. This is such a loving way to interact with people, to truly see everyone with appreciation.
And there is so much to appreciate too, what a great opportunity we have in each and every encounter!
This approach, lived fully, means that we have to be present for each interaction… whether its the kids, the boss or the Queen, they all have the potential equally so to inform our lives if we just pay attention and listen (with all our senses).
Yes Joel, so true – especially when there are deeper learnings to adhere to for us.
It is a true joy to approach life with such perspective and apply it’s wisdom.
If we appreciate ourselves, each other and the magic of every moment and its purpose, life will make total sense and
we are far more willing to bring our all to it.
Meeting people is the most amazing opportunity to live the lessons from Heaven on earth, we all bear the living testimonial of how God is love to us, everyone of us, through the human experience.
This struck me as the absolute Gold I can refuse to see – if we are open to everyone we get to really feel the qualities that we all bring to the puzzle and how that is how we will all eventually evolve together.
Yes this line is gold Joel…thanks for drawing it out here. Seeing everyone in this way is a complete game changer.
Thank you Anne for your blog, I can very much relate to all that you have shared. There are still times when I feel like I want to retreat and have alone time but I am becoming more aware that this is often because I don’t want to feel the reflection that others would offer that I have to some extent closed down. So now I make more of an effort so if I feel like retreating I look at why that is and make more of an effort to not go into hiding but to be open to people.
Absolutely beautiful Anne. I used to need to find time for myself and be alone too, now I love sharing my space with others. When the spaciousness within ourselves grows, it naturally extends to all others. Not everyone would accept this spaciousness offered, but this only means without the need to be alone, I have all the more time and space to share my own loveliness with myself, as well as with people who feel the same loveliness within themselves.
So true, Adele! And that spaciousness brings with it a different sense of time, so that even a moment alone can feel like plenty of time, an eternity even.
Yes, building the True Love we are naturally expands and fills the Universe – we can’t but share and Love the world.
I could so relate to what you share here Anne, as I too have often lived my life in a way where I have sought space for me choosing to keep my distance from others when in truth all I truly sought was connection. I find the more I let my hurts take hold the more I feel this disconnection, but when I choose to stay open to others, honestly expressing what I feel, I have noticed a shift occurs. People who were previously closed off open up and more often than not our connection actually deepens. This is something I feel to bring with more consistency into my life as living with honesty, and an openness towards others feels truly lovely.
So true Anne and what a beautiful sharing, thank you. Making space to be with me can occur anytime I choose whether I am alone or with others, groups big or small. That is the magic of God!
Beautiful said Suzanne, I have found this to be true for me too.
It is such a trick Suzanne, we can make space by connecting to our true selves and it does not matter if we are alone or with others.
It doesn’t matter whether we are alone or with others … if we are not with ourselves when we are with others, then where are we?
I love how you said that Suzanne, that making space can occur any time be it when we are on our own or with others. I find that too, that my ‘perceived’ need to be on my own has so lessened since I have come to understand and feel more and more space within me this transfers around me too, whether with others or on my own. Very liberating really as this thing ‘I need time for me’ gets just shown up as the illusion it truly is.
It was great to read this Anne and feel into it for myself, why do I sometimes want to just get away, be by myself, take time out? It felt true that it was related to feeling I have had enough of people, or of life -which means as you have shared, the possibility that I was in reaction to others behaviour or to my own way of seeing life and a little caught up in my behaviour or beliefs and not really feeling connected to myself. So this is a huge blessing to observe and acknowledge, because it opens me up to just how every minute of every day can be a choice to stay connected and open to what unfolds, knowing that perhaps there is purpose in living that way and that life is actually about experiencing how we can support each other to evolve together.
Gorgeous Simon, I can relate to a lot of what you’ve shared. Often there’s been this longing to escape from life, having had ‘enough’ of life. These moments can be a big turning point to feel a little deeper what it is I’m wanting to escape from and why. What I’ve come to see if that what I’d actually be tired of and had ‘enough of’ was pretty simply — hiding me, not opening up to people fully, keeping up a guard — which is tiring! So I’d then want to escape to let go of the guard and just be me. But the more I let me be seen by people, the more I let out who I really am, the less I feel this longing to run away — and if ever that feeling does come up again, I realise I’m being asked to go that bit deeper and feel what it is I’m reacting to, what is it I’ve been hurt by that is tempting to want to run away and escape from all the amazing reflections that every person so naturally brings into our lives.
I can relate to this also Katerina. Hiding and not being open to people fully because I want to maintain an image or not show my imperfections.
But this hurts and is very exhausting.
Then wanting to escape to let go of the guard. No wonder we can feel like we need more time and space!
Beautifully expressed Simon. This opens our eyes to the possibility that the world is about all of us and if we focus on ourselves then we will be disconnected from the whole.
I agree Simon, this sharing has made me question how I see the time I have for myself even though I love my interactions and relationships at work and at home, there is a part of me that loves being alone.
Yes Katie…And this creates tension with others.
Tension that we carry into our next interaction creating an instant ‘lessening’ of the potential in the meeting. Huge to see that this irresponsibility has an effect that runs and runs.
Absolutely Lee, the preceding moment and the intention we have with it, as you say, carries on into the next moment like a runaway train, so if we don’t choose to be responsible and catch it, everyone suffers.
Indeed Simon Voysey i too can feel how i can manage life, holding the world at arms length. Yet i love what Anne has presented here, that if we let love in and out then there are rich opportunities for deepening and evolving our relationships, how confirming out days can be if we connect to the love we are.
I love your way of expression Simon, and it confirms to me that there is no time out from life, I cannot take myself away and into comfort behind my 4 walls to escape from people. This is an illusion, we are always in interconnection; the way we think about someone effects them equally as it effects myself. Therefore it is very wise to have a first look at the way we hold ourselves before. It is our responsibility how we treat ourselves here and therefore the quality of relationship we have with others. And it will affect the way they hold us with themselves, so it always comes back to us. What a huge ripple effect life is – all this makes me more aware of what huge responsibility I have.
I can totally relate to wanting time alone as I have also craved it all my life. I am starting to appreciate more and more the whole concept of allowing others in. I have found space is created when I do open up and the more I stay with myself, the more space is created in and around me. It’s an amazing experience, just feeling like everything in me has the room to move rhythmically and then I find it easier to interact with others. To know that this is our true way of being and it seems crazy that I ever walked away from it, thinking there was something else out there.
I love what you have written Helen, especially the last sentence which goes for me too: “To know that this is our true way of being and it seems crazy that I ever walked away from it, thinking there was something else out there”. I agree whole heartedly that it seems very crazy; what a fruitless search that was as all the time what I was looking for was actually there within me.
It is so true Ingrid, to think that there is something else out there. I like that comment ‘what a fruitless search it was’, this picks up the way I have lived before Universal Medicine – it was not going anywhere and creating suffering and misery, and thinking that there must be something else. I knew that there was something else to life and it was always within myself. I am so grateful – I have found it back again, there is no searching anymore – just an accepting that it is all there.
From what you describe, it feels like we continually look outside of us for what can only truly be found within, be that space, spaciousness or love.
Gabriele this feels so true. The quest to find the space, spaciousness and love that we ARE somewhere out there… is fruitless.
It’s like the red shoes. Dorothy aches to be home and whilst seeking fails to realise that she has the WAY with her the whole time.
I feel the spaciousness when I connect to my breath or another who is equally of the same essence of stillness and love.
Yes, and what an irony this is Gabriele. I used to crave time alone and was successful in achieving this and withdrawing from the world, but all the while looking outside of myself for love, calm, acceptance. When all the while what I was searching for was within me, the key to true salvation.
This is the repeated phrase. We ‘look outside of us for what can only truly be found within’. We cannot know who we are until this truth is appreciated in full. Simple and life long learning.
Yes so true Gabriele – and outside of us we are not going to find anything truthful at all – as we can’t connect to that unless we have connected to it within first
I have found I used to dislike being alone because I love being around people. It doesn’t mean I wasn’t able to be alone but I didn’t seem to have that same craving as you described Helen and by Anne. I have found when I am not feeling great I would often seek a friend to talk to. But when I am truly connected to myself I don’t feel the need to be anywhere, or have to seek anything, by just being connected to myself I am open to people and to everything that unfolds.
I have felt this too Chan, I didn’t dislike being alone and have spent quite a lot of time on my own at times. But equally love being in the company of others. If i ever do have those feelings of needing to be with people, I can see there is an opening there, an opportunity to go deeper in my connection with myself, being open to people, myself and as you say, everything that unfolds.
I too have spent much of my life wanting time alone, until my husband died, but I still had some family living separately on the home site for several years, but since then I have really enjoyed my time alone now for about 7 years. I enjoyed being able to make all my own decisions, choose just what I want in life and mix and do things with others as I choose, and not be judged for anything that I do. But things have changed, and I have found that I no longer want to be living alone. It is interesting, it has completely turned around for me, and I now look forward to sharing a home with others, it is time for me to be interacting daily with others, in those interactions, we can learn so much about ourselves and others, really necessary if we are going to grow in this world of ours.
I can relate to that too Helen, and I was a master at protecting my hurts by keeping people at a bay. Since I started letting people in more openly I have started seeing us all as equal, all as beautiful loving beings and that everyone has wisdom to share. I must add its so much more fun too!
I love this Anne, what you have discovered turns protecting ourselves on its head…. we often believe that we need to be by ourselves to be truly left alone and not hurt, yet as you have realised hiding away in this manner is more hurtful and painful because we are not only shutting down from others just like us but also shutting down to ourselves. I love the questions you ask yourself when you feel the need to be by yourself, I have learnt a lot just reading this. I’ve been believing that I need time by myself to truly get anything done, and then that builds resentment when I’m not on my own, like others are keeping me from doing stuff but then I love being with people. Its looking at how I am with myself first, whether I’m giving myself the space and time or not, that is the key. Thank you Anne!
I’ve felt the same way Aimee! Especially as a mother, I found myself seeking those moments of time where I was alone and could be ‘left alone’ without feeling responsible for anyone. The relief however was usually only temporary because at the time, I hadn’t developed a connection with myself or an appreciation for just being me, and so these periods weren’t really about truly being with myself, but more about periods that were just still doing the same activities, but just not with other people around to consider or worry about! These days, I also love being with people, and I notice that when I don’t want to be with people, there’s usually something going on for me (i.e. wanting to withdraw etc.) so it’s become a great marker that the key is not whether or not I am in a physical space with another person, but whether or not I am in connection with ‘me’!
Yes Aimee I found this too, locking people out does not protect us from getting hurt at all, it stops the conversation dead with no room for either party to explain how they feel without it coming barbed and loaded with all their own hurts and never truly open to what the other person is saying. There are times where I would like some time in silence but I know I can find that any time if I just stop the chatter in my head – heaps more silence already!
It’s a vicious cycle, when we blame others for our hurts and shut down, then feel even more miserable. Staying open is the key, as Anne describes and this is being responsible for what we bring to others.
This not wanting to take ownership for what is going on and blaming others is a real sabotage of not only ourselves but our relationships with others. The more we allow ourselves to be the Love that we are,the more we can let go of the hurts that have nothing to do with who we are but we hold onto for security and those ‘just in case’ moments. ‘Just in case’ of what we need to ask – that we are actually these love bombs that feels exquisite to be with and to share this others.. hello – I’m so playing that game.
It is liberating and a great opportunity to grow when we observe our reactions, without going into blame. When I catch myself in blame, it is like a warning light that I am stubbornly not wanting to look at my part in the situation.
Aimee, I agree. I had and sometimes still have this pattern of wanting to be on my own, because I think I cannot be myself with others around feeling the expectations everybody has. So it is really about myself giving me the space no matter if anybody is around or not. Thank you Anne for this wise sharing.
‘Are we not worth investing a little effort in to guarantee our lives are feeling awesome?’ One billion percent YES! This really makes me consider how many little moments that we accept as not awesome add up to much more time than we realise, and how this effort needs to be made always.
Absolutely – you have hit the nail on the head! It’s the space INSIDE you, rather than the space AROUND you that makes all the difference.
I love that question too Aimee because this question helped me to understand what is really going on inside of me as well. Sometimes it needs only a good question and a commitment for the true answer to change a whole life.
There are those who say that love is nothing more than a utopian ideal. The world is so full of pain and misery and even what we call the high points are only ephemeral in nature. The truth is as human beings we are remarkably fragile and sensitive to being hurt in ways we do not even allow ourselves to realise. The greatest tragedy of this, however, is not the fact that we get hurt, but the fact that it makes us wary about love. I don’t think anyone pretends that working towards living a life of love is easy, but it should not ever stop us from dedicating ourselves towards such a thing. It is a cliche, but the world needs love like a bee needs honey. It is, dare I say it in the context of the misery that surrounds us, our true inner nature. It is who we are. As babies, we knew it. As small children, we knew it, but knew others did not, and so we questioned its authenticity. Growing up, we struggled with this fact, and so we left it behind, such is our natural propensity to want to belong, and as adults we have given up on it. We think the unforeseen death of a small child is the greatest tragedy of life. I say such an event does not even come close to the tragedy of watching billions of human beings give up on their true nature for a life of comfort and getting by that is in truth drudgery by compare.
I agree Adam, making us not want to be fully loving and or wary of love is a massive tragedy of human life as we know it. We are all from love and it means we have to separate from ourselves, separate from own inner knowing. Why to fit in with the world that has said we should be a certain way. But this way is not working and it is only when we all start to realise this and return back to our innate knowing and the love that we all are will the world change, otherwise people will continue to live in misery and despair trying to make the best of it but not truly enjoying life, as is the current situation for many people.
I feel it is not so much the world saying ‘we should be a certain way’ but the fact that we all chose at some point to leave love behind, to leave who we truly are to join everyone else who was doing the same thing, and so there came about a way of being that wasn’t true. It is when one person doesn’t enjoin and says no, life is about love, as Serge Benhayon has and who stands for Truth, that we are offered a different way of being – one we all innately know and can choose to return to.
Ironic isn’t it James that we would want to fit into a world that isn’t right in the first place, hence playing the game to suit everyone else and remaining in our own comfort in the process. Being in comfort isn’t actually that comfortable, we are so far away from who we truly are that it hurts us, yet we choose to numb and distract ourselves further. How is the world going to change? This is where responsibility comes in, it is through the reflection of those that know the truth, and as we begin to live in truth more and more, the truth will become more of a reality to everyone, and the world will return to love, joy, harmony and FUN!
Knowing that love is the foundation of how we can build the levels of space for ourselves is powerful.
Great expression and so true nb, very powerful indeed.
Part of that tragedy Adam is that drudgery we call life is considered ‘normal’ and to be ‘expected’.
So tragic indeed Jennifer. We have been so quick to accept the misery as a normal way to be, and done so little to take responsibility in making the world a place we wish it to be. In fact we have even given up on the possibility of it being any other way – such is our despair.
So true. And as I read this I recalled times when I was younger when we seemed to have some ‘respite’ from the drudgery and misery. I recall my parents connecting with me for those fleeting moments. It seems the world is set up for us to be this way and it is so far from how we truly really are.
…and our desire to escape and be ‘alone’.
Indeed Kylie our desire to be alone if we feel hurt or overwhelmed can be an escape where we give up on ourselves from being in the world.
I am seeing more and more that people do have good intentions and try to make changes where change is needed but we are just chasing our tails and nothing truly gets changed, it is just plasters and band aids. Thank goodness for Universal Medicine who are a living role model that by taking responsibility for our lives, committing to life and living this in such a way consistently, along with a deeper understanding of energy change really does and can happen.
As you say Vicky, the plasters and band aids have never worked. Universal medicine remind us that they are there in the first place and then equally remind us that we can take off the plasters and band aids and see that there is another way. What I love is that they can’t and won’t do this for us, it is our responsibility to make the changes and enjoy what this brings into our life. It is totally up to us and this is what is so very empowering.
I wholeheartedly agree Vicky, people are so invested in the life we have created that they are willing to see & fix the punctures but not look at why we keep getting them. For we know that when we do there is much that will change, the comfort rug will be whipped from under out feet and responsibility will be hard hitting. Our health system is a great example of this, throwing millions into an involutionary cycle of band aids, i sense the collapse is nigh and Universal Medicine has the key to lasting sound health.
Accepting the fact that we have chaos and that we created it and that we are NOT it makes much easier to deal with, step back from and get an understanding of it all. Not accepting this fact just takes us off into a spin of denial, blaming, frustration, emotions and all those other reactions which just create even more chaos and doesn’t address anything.
And thank God for Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon and family for showing us that there is a different way, and leading by example, so we can actually see and feel that it is indeed possible to live a life that is anything but ‘misery’ or ‘drudgery’.
Karina and Simon I am shaking my head and breathing a deep sigh, as I thank The Universal Medicine team for delivering another way. We actually know true choice to change forever our ways, which brings true change.
Absolutely Karina and in fact Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon are showing us that life can be full of joy and purpose once we understand that each of us is here to return to who we innately are.
It’s amazing how quickly we look to God to fix things or to blame. We have free will and we are seeing and living the consequences of our choices.
Blame never solved anything, it just creates more of the same and no one seems to want to take responsibility for the fact that in subscribing to a comfortable or safe life in isolation from feeling the world one is actually accepting and saying its ok to have turmoil and separation, as long as I don’t have to be involved in it. The irony is, that a comfortable life is rarely comfortable as the tension of feeling both what is and is not love, or in other words, separation v’s connection and yet choosing supposed ‘safety’ over love is excruciating. I know this having been there myself.
Aghhh!! So true Simon, we have totally accepted that ‘this is how it is’, and really given up on what we absolutely know is the truth but fear the hard work that comes with bringing that back up to the surface.
Yes Jennifer, and I remember well feeling that life was drudgery and thinking ‘is this it?’ The moaning about life, work, partners, colleagues, all the while, the love inside is kept hidden by the great wall of protection we have all built around ourselves. As Anne has described, there is another way to live.
I remember that moment Debra, when the great bubble of expectations was burst, realising the life we were living and our ways were quite dysfunctional. All just to not feel our hurts and live from the love we are…. We make it so complicated!
Yes Merrilee, you are right, we make it so complicated. Complication is also a great sign that shows us that we have created dysfunctional lives. When we live life just being who we are without the needs and expectations or the hiding, the natural flow and spaciousness is simply just there, just like Anne describes.
Complicated indeed. The worries are what we revolve around. How can we worry about something more, so that we feel like we are doing something, that we are feeling something? What an illusion we have chosen to live in.
Absolutely Jennifer, the fact that we now consider such comfort more important than our base needs to connect and love is indeed a tragedy. Thank God for articles and blog sites such as this that shine a light on these beliefs and show that there is another way and that way begins by connecting back to who we innately are.
Indeed what Anne described as a way of getting through life in protection is a drudgery. To feel the openness of letting people in despite the risks of being hurt is indeed a huge relief.
I agree Jenny. There is a huge relief in letting people in and discovering we won’t spontaneously combust! I also loved how Anne talked about liking herself, allowing her to like other people. This is obvious but really important, as so many including me invest a lot of time focussing on our flaws rather than getting to know our great natural qualities.
Awesome Fiona, Anne has made a great point here and as you say it is obvious, but really important as it is foundational, how can we truly like others if we do not like ourselves? Focussing on our supposed flaws is like looking through a magnifying glass at only one area, say a wart, and being completely oblivious to the fact that there is the plane of the rest of the body which is clear and clean and beautiful.
Agreed Jennifer, we learn how normal the drudgery is from our parents, our work colleagues and of course the media. What is needed is examples of how to live; with our hearts on our sleeves, open to the world, and letting love lead the way.
Just beautiful Simon. It was so uncool to wear your heart on your sleeve, as I learnt out in the world as a teenager, and I can remember being so intent on being ‘cool’ and looking like part of the gang. But back to wearing my heart on my sleeve, now and have gone to a deeper level of this even today in singing in front of a singing teacher where my confidence felt so at ease and was so supported that I was able to express even more love through my voice without worry that I was being judged or thought to be ‘silly’ or ‘too much’ or this or that. What an amazing freedom!
Lyndy,
I too remember being criticised for wearing my heart on my sleeve. Even when I didn’t say what I was feeling, every part of my body did, so people very easily knew how I was feeling. But of course I took this as a criticism and that I needed to be more discreet about how I expressed. But what I now know to be true, thanks to the support of Universal Medicine, is that to be transparent and honest is what the world does need. It is only seen as strange from those who choose not to express and so are reacting to expression, or because it is a rarity to tell it like it is.
Hannah, I love what you are saying about being transparent and honest as true, instead of trying to pretend to be discreet or communicating in some convoluted hidden way, just to be accepted! We have to back ourselves and simply be us. If aligned and in goodwill there is nothing to fear from other people’s thoughts, critiques, reactions. We will be a breath of fresh air.
That is awesome Lyndy – good on you and yes it will have felt like total freedom as there was no expectation, just the joy of being. Thank you for your sharing.
Thank you for your comments Lyndy and Hannah, I realise that I have always been criticised for ‘wearing my heart on my sleeve’, for being too open and naive and so I learned to shut it down to be accepted and develop a tough, cool, ‘I’m ok’ front for the world which became normal and ingrained! I am re-learning to be open again, to let my love out and be seen in all my vulnerability, seeing that cool girl for the protection it really is and letting it wash away.
It did used to be so uncool Lyndy but wearing your heart on your sleeve is the new black! All the cool kids are doing it – the problem remains that some of us are still not listening and hearing. Not listening to and hearing others nor the voice of our own inner hearts. So great that you do.
Lyndy, This brings a memory of my childhood – always being told by adults it was unacceptable and ridiculous to go about wearing our hearts on our sleeves and letting people see us! It has taken many years to let go of this – thanks to being deeply inspired by Serge Benhayon, founder of Universal Medicine I am letting ‘my heart be seen again’
Indeed Lyndy there is nothing more liberating than giving ourselves permission to be, especially when we have spent so many years managing, coping and controlling!
I remember as a child and young adult that when it was said ‘he or she wears their heart on their sleeve’…. that it became almost a euphemism for being weaker, naive or subject to tears (!) , and that this was not really a good thing or way to be. So although I felt the loveliness of the expression or the openness of the person who wore their hearts on their sleeves, I didn’t allow this beauty in until my 30’s… when i got used to the words – HEART, LOVE, TRUTH.
I love this Simon, so very true. The more of us that do truly wear our hearts on our sleeves and let our innocent and joy be really seen, the more people will be inspired to remember that there is a way of living and being with each other that is not about drudgery, that it is about being love, and that this can be a living and very normal way for all.
Very true Jennifer, these ill beliefs so many of us take on suck us dry from a vitality that is very natural to our bodies — instead this is replaced with the ever-increasing numbers of illness and disease that have become part of what society has so sadly considered as a ‘normal’ part of modern life.
Totally Katie. How many millions of us have felt the puzzlement of feeling that all is not okay yet looking around and seeing that everyone seems to thin and act as if it is. I remember this distinctly as a teenager, feeling an implicit pressure to act as if all this is okay and normal, and that to question it would be a total faux pas. I remember my family questioning political decisions, societal ways of being, and all manner of things, but something in me was questioning the very fact of our life here on earth itself . . . and this was never addressed, it was an elephant in the room, and so I chose to divert my questioning into the accepted channels, politics, philosophy, sociology etc.
I remember this too Lyndy, the dismay of seeing the state the world was in, and the bewilderment of why nobody was questioning it, and even worse, schools teaching us to try to conform to the insanity. Thankfully Serge Benhayon is one man who spoke up about the insanity, at great risk to his life and livelihood, and because he has stood firm in truth, others are now taking back their own power and standing firm in what they know is true also. It just takes one and the world can change.
I had the same experience as a kid and was amazed at people pretending not to see what was clearly there. I feel most kids struggle with this, not being supported and validated in what they know to be true and energetically told to accept that what is false is actually true. I wonder if this is part of the teenage rebellion. I find teenagers are very sensitive to hypocrisy from adults.
I can really relate to that Lyndy Summerhaze.
I came into this world with yet another opportunity to understand the power of space yet everyone i came across was engaged in & sold out to matter, i followed the people i loved and enjoined in this involutionary pursuit, only to meet Serge Benhayon 10 years ago and be re-introduced to the space and the true meaning of evolution.
I well remember that ever-present-elephant-in-the-room Lyndy. It serves no-one and the rot sets in to live as far away from love as possible is seen as totally normal. Totally crazy really.
It is almost as if the world is resigned to this way of being Jennifer, getting to the point where many have given up. But the fact that they have given up may mean that underneath all the pain and layers of protection they must know that there is more, that they have left something behind, otherwise they would accept their ‘norm’ as the… ‘norm’ and wouldn’t feel so sad. In reality humanity has left nothing behind, as we know, it is right there inside them, which is even more crazy to keep denying it. What humanity needs is more loving reflections of who they truly are and then they will get it.
Great point you raise here Sandra, and I agree whith more people choosing to live from the connection within themselves and not hold back in being the love that we are, is all that is needed for others to recognise this in themselves too.
Yes, Sandra, ‘What humanity needs is more loving reflections of who they truly are .’ Humanity then has a choice, and can at least see there is another way.
Sandra so true the more we all connect to the true love within us, we will inspire others to recognise that love within them. Hummnaity will then realise their is another way.
Yes Sandra the fact that people have ‘given up’ means they know exactly what it is to not give up – and to claim who they are. I agree that what the world is craving are more people reflecting what it is to just be who we are. And to not hold onto the past but rather accept and appreciate where we are at right now. No judgement or comparison. With role models like these in the world, how can we not start to see things differently.
Yes Katie, and then making do with emotional love, thinking that is real love, and making it the all important ingredient of our lives. This substitute feels like a comfort we gave ourselves to make up for the choice we made to turn our backs on true love long ago, and so seek to fill that emptiness we created when we did so. This means we give ourselves away to others all the time, and hence create that feeling of pressure and tension you mention Anne, and long to be alone. What a merry-go-round, that is far from merry but desperately miserable.
I love what you are saying here Joan. If only the world would stop and ask itself why it is so miserable then maybe things would begin to change. If this means coming out of our comfort then so be it, because the alternative is more of the same misery, and it can only get worse. It’s a shame that humanity has to come to it’s knees before realising that there is another way, a way of living without that tension and pressure, and it is not too good to be true, it is real, tangible and accessible to all and it’s called the Way of the Livingness, a new religion in the true sense of the word, so let the merriment begin!
Emotional love and true love are so very different. If you ‘want’ or ‘desire’ emotional love, it can make true love appear to be harsh or even unloving. This is the irony of reinterpretation.
Indeed Joan when we are prepared to see the extent of the lie that we have accepted, then the untruths that we have created to prop up the illusion are every more apparent.
Totally Vicky Geary, when I came across the love that was universally true through Universal Medicine, it felt so clear and clean even though at times I often struggled with trying to comprehend and allow in love’s directness, or absoluteness, … until I started to live life with less and less emotion, drama and storytelling that cushioned or sweetened life, yet the cushion was what I had the issue with, and my own insertion of it, and not love itself.
Emotional love as opposed to true love.. a few years ago I would have reacted against the suggestion that there was a difference. My life was full of drama, stories, issues and problems – usually about other people not acting the way I wanted them to! Since discovering Universal Medicine, true love feels very different. It doesn’t ask anything of me, it just allows me to be me, and get to my learning in my own time. There’s no demand, no expectation, just a huge space, holding, allowing and accepting. Very different from how I’d previously interpreted love to be.
Absolutely agree Jennifer and Adam, the normalized abusive way we are living so void of love is the result of clearly lacking purpose in life and not knowing who we are. But how did we get to a “normal” buying into a comfort that is an absolute misery? This can only be understood by knowing that there are two sources of energy, one that is love and the other one that is a force that constantly makes us choose abuse. We can only challenge this “normal” if we accept that everything is energy and everything is because of energy as presented by Serge Benhayon.
Exactly Rachel – once we get our ‘heads’ around that immutable fact that everything is energy and therefor everything is because of energy, we then can view life and all it comes with form that perspective and have then the opportunity to choose wisely how we will continue to live our lives.
Indeed Rachel Andras more and more we will see the madness, the utter involution of our investment in matter, for as Anne has relayed our real home lies in spaciousness, and with this returning awareness of energy there is a humbling responsibility towards humanity as a whole.
So true and when we question the drudgery we call normal we are often seen as being “not normal”.
Hahaha – so true nb – because if people thought what we express is normal, well then they’d also have to have a serious look at the way they live their lives too…. a true blessing really, but maybe not felt like that at first…
Yes Jennifer and because it is considered normal one never stops to consider that life has become a drudgery.
Or they do not stop because they do not know it is possible to change anything, they do not know there is another way to live. For once known it is very difficult not to choose differently, not to change their concept of normal, as so many people on this blog have been inspired by by Universal Medicine to do.
Without a stop I too feel Sally that we may never notice that we have built a pattern of behaviour into a momentum that is so familiar that it becomes the new norm. I appreciate little stops in my day just to reflect where I may have got caught up or over involved.
Hello Jennifer and we keep moving the goal posts of ‘normal’ each year it would seem. Instead of looking at how things have been over a period and then openly discussing if this period had supported us or not we just take a collective survey of how people are going and then hey presto we have a new norm. We are far from living in a ‘normal’ way, it’s just that we keep moving the norm to make it seem better. If we really take a look around we have dressed the world in ‘normal’ to make it look better and when we have worn that normal out, no worries we just grab a rubber and erase it and move it over. Just because something is label as ‘normal or expected’ doesn’t mean it should be blindly accepted, have a close look yourself and really see if everything that is in front of you is ok. I look around and collectively it’s not a good look.
I know Jennifer and it is awful and extremely painful. Then we numb ourselves even more by eating loads of food, drinking tons of coffee plus whatever else we do lest we be honest about how we’re really feeling. Thank God there is another way.
Yes, Adam I agree – there is so much denial about love and so much reaction, and it is indeed a tragedy that the world feels closed off from knowing love . Like so many things in life we have made something that is beautiful and simple very complicated and something which at times can feel unobtainable. Why is it that we express our love freely to children and yet withdraw as we grow up? Is it that when we connect with children we are connecting to our own innocence that is deeply felt and held in our essence. We long to know this feeling again and yet we do not trust ourselves enough, or feel that we are enough to deserve this self honouring. God is love – and when we accept that we are the Sons of God we can then unquestionably feel the love that is ours by right, a love that expands our every moment as we step back into our rightful relationship with God as equals.
‘I don’t think anyone pretends that working towards living a life of love is easy, but it should not ever stop us from dedicating ourselves towards such a thing.’ – Very true Adam. My experience of bringing love into my life at times has been extremely challenging. Afters years of building a life where I championed myself as being a tough woman. I have opened up to admitting to the fact I am sweet and very sensitive, then building up the courage to express this and let it be felt and or judged by others.
Very beautiful Abby, I know i have wanted to be the tough, independent woman, but learning now to be tender and gentle with myself. Not had and abusive like i have been in the past. I am definitely feeling how wonderful it is to treat myself differently, more lovingly. No matter what others say.
I can really relate with this Abby, ‘Afters years of building a life where I championed myself as being a tough woman. I have opened up to admitting to the fact I am sweet and very sensitive, then building up the courage to express this and let it be felt and or judged by others.’ I have been criticised for being too sensitive, now, I accept this is me, and stop trying to hide my sensitivity.
Well said Adam, and it is the wary and sly nature we develop about love that actually hurts us most. The incident where the hurts were felt happened long ago, but the choice to not be love has remained ever since.
I certainly agree Adam and well said. I feel we are collectively slowly waking up to the reality of our choices and ultimately we cannot escape from it forever, we will all one day wake up and start living a true way of life that is about taking responsibility, about love and truth. It may be a slow process but it has already begun. Just by realising this I feel joyful.
It’s like the small tragedy is a deterrent to keep us from seeing the big tragedy that is all around us. And the ‘trick’ is to see the tragedy but not get overwhelmed by it, to see it, feel it and return to the purpose of being love (again) and letting it out and letting it in.
I’m with you Adam. A great tragedy, and one that we witness and experience daily is the disconnection we walk around in. Surrounded by each other constantly and yet isolated and anxious behind a wall of protection …. and this just walking down the street!
We live to love and be loved and yet in shutting down our sensitivity in protection we disconnect from the innate ability to discern the true nature of everything – and pay the highest price as you say, by becoming wary of love.
We know Love and we know a world that otherwise will be, should we all begin to accept ourselves and let Love in, connect with each other and develop true relationship. Is the despair not simply our excuse to stay at odds with our true nature? To keep choosing the same old relentless patterns and justify us giving up on the greater truth we have long ago given way to for something set to tantalise our senses but forever leave us empty craving the next fix?
Hi Deborah, you raise some amazing questions – and certainly if I am honest with my own experiences, I have created the drama and anxiousness in order to avoid responsibility of the love that is and is always there. I agree that we are very clever in finding ways to not be who we truly are – when the fact is we know love inside out. But as I have been supported to be more honest with this, I can feel how every second is a choice for me to let love in and see the beauty that it brings to me and those around me. I returned to work a few days ago and I felt to go and speak to everyone individually – some people didn’t want to look up from their screens at first, but they did – and the connection I had with all of them was really beautiful – which was a marker to go forward with. People tend to respond to openness with openness, but it is all of our responsibility to walk in that openness and not shut down to the possibility of more love.
It is the trick we have deliberately fallen for that comfort is better and safer than truth and love; it is one of our biggest fall down and lies that we have fallen for. It is that which we haven’t given up that is our power, our love, our commitment to life. It is those comfortable /sticky ways that we have often chosen to live in order to not feel pain and sorrow. But guess what, what hurts more? Living in comfort denying our power, love, and light? Or choosing love and being aware of everything and feeling everything (also at times feeling and healing the hurts we have created). I know my choice and the answer to this question.
Well said Danna, this is a choice we constantly have to make and so we are the creators of our own hurt – or we chose love and all that comes with it.
So very beautiful Adam. We do not see that our retreat away from each other and the poisonous levels of mistrust we live with on a daily basis are the greatest tragedy on this planet. While our eyes are fixed on wars and overt conflict, we miss the fact that we have accepted a vastly diminished version of life, one that has substituted just making it the the weekend for love.
Look at a child. They are abundantly joyful. They skip instead of walk, they smile and laugh for no reason that an adult can fathom and in doing so grant us the permission to smile and laugh for no reason too. When do we lose this capacity for joy, and why do we accept this loss as a normal casualty of growing up? Our adult lives become strategies for coping, propping ourselves up as we go from day to day to day….and comfort ourselves imagining we are better off than the poor souls living in war zones.
yes, and is this not how we can begin to truly change the world we are in, which in its current state is experiencing such separation and devastation. It really does start with each of us being willing to re-connect and allow ourselves to trust that love, knowing love is who we are, it is our nature.
Yes, we have to show the world there is a different way, a way of living that is about love, is joyful, harmonious and that we can trust, this starts by re-connecting back to who we are in truth.
So true Adam and this is so needed by humanity. We are blinded by hurt, and unaware of the fact that we gave up on the love we were.
Exactly Harrison – we gave up on the love we all innately are and so we are in truth creating the hurt ourselves.
Yes Harrison and Eva, and giving up serves no one – least of all humanity as we are all here to shine and reflect to each other – giving up is a total disservice to all of us.
Why is it that we champion the hurts and reactions, but we do not champion love?
Perhaps we champion the hurts Melinda because it allows us identification and an excuse to delay connecting to the love that we all are in essence.
That’s it Jenny, on the mark exactly, it lets us also vie for sympathy – which then in turn confirms us in our misery – awful cycle…
Such a great point and a great way of expressing it! Always looking for everything that is wrong with us instead of everything that is amazing about us.
Could it be that if we champion love we immediately feel all that is not love, which can be quite a lot? If we champion hurts and reactions, we don’t feel anything that disturbs us, just the force (which we may mistake for strength) of expressing hurts and reactions.
This is so well said Christoph. The force that we use to not feel our hurts, and project our reactions onto the world has been mistaken for strength. All of human life is based on this force, and certain measures of it. Some use the force more than others, but it is not our true Universal Way.
Makes sense Christoph. It is much more comfortable to not feel any disturbance and just fit in with the hurts and reactions we have created as normal. Except that there is a disturbance from within – the deep feeling of sadness and emptiness for not championing the love we know is inside us all.
This is great what you have shared here Christoph. I feel that we love the drama that is fed from the hurts and reactions and we take comfort in this . Whereas if we choose love the drama dissipates and responsibility comes into play. Shying away from our loving responsibility creates delay. Why hold back the love and great sensitivity we hold when such honesty is needed today.
As being love is the greatest responsibility
Awesome !
“The greatest tragedy of this, however, is not the fact that we get hurt, but the fact that it makes us wary about love” – I agree. But love says that is not the end of the world, it is never too late to come back to love. No matter how long and how much we think we have suffered, love just is and so are we.
I love this Fumiyo, ‘no matter how long and how much we think we have suffered…., it is never too late to come back to love’. Love never gives up on us, it is always there waiting patiently for us to lift our heads, open our hearts, and let it in.
‘It is never too late to come back to love’ – I couldn’t agree more, no time like the present to just be me and make space to let others in.
This is something I have felt for many years and I found the ‘staying busy’ works like an ever present shield keeping people out and keeping my true self locked away.
There is nothing safe about it though, no feeling of security or space just anxiety and emptiness with a moment or two of happy thrown in just to cement the illusion that it’s not all bad or things are getting better..
But these days I now see it for what it is – an illusion.
Well said Fumiyo, love just is
Well said Adam, it is a tragedy that billions of human beings have given up on their true nature, on love. The papers should be full on this tragedy occurring around the globe, causing the misery, illness and disease, wars etc. we have today. The first steps back to love may not be easy, confronting, earth shaking even. But when the first step is taken we will realise that coming back to who we naturally are is far less energy consuming than keeping up the act and the walls we have build around our essence of love.
Yes Kristy, It is a circle that keeps coming round again till one person says enough is enough – this is not normal!
‘Growing up, we struggled with this fact’ I agree Adam. I recall the feeling as a child that what I was being shown in the world did not fit with how I felt about it. That it was a cold place in which we have to struggle to get by. Many of us have made this a reality, hence the reason for so much numbing these days through alcohol, drugs, food, sugar, caffeine, TV, etc. It is like we are living a million light years from what we really are – this is very sad, and a sadness which many of us feel as we pine the feeling of connection to ourselves and each other.
Agree Adam, the sad fact is that so many have given up on their true nature.
I often look at children and young adults similar to my age (20) and ask how does that turn into the grumpy old man on the end of the street, the greedy business man or the corrupt political official?
The world, as it is, sets us up to give up on ourselves. Therefore it does take dedication, commitment and love to live as the day we were born.
That is a great observation Luke, but what stands out for me is how far away from appreciating the young we as humanity have become. In fact quite dismissive. How often do we hear the occasional report on the TV of a child being mature far more than is expected for their age, but in actual fact they are wise, it’s just that we devalue what they have to say, with an arrogance that because we are older we know better. Is it any wonder we end up being old grumpy men and bitter women.
Yes Julie, I agree, Luke’s sharing is absolute gold.
So true Julie and Luke, awesome observations. I see daily through my work that children and many young people hold a true wisdom, are honest and don’t hold back who they are. There is a lot we can learn from them and being authentically ourselves in life.
Yes Kristy, how many times have we heard it uttered that sensitivity is a weakness, something unfortunate about a person who thus feels and hurts too much. This is a huge lie we’ve bought into as a human race. The sensitivity we all have is immensely powerful, it takes us back to truth — that a life of drudgery, a life of making do and toughening up to get by is not right, it doesn’t feel harmonious in our bodies because we are here to be and express so, so much more.
I see and hear this in the school playground, ‘how many times have we heard it uttered that sensitivity is a weakness, something unfortunate about a person who thus feels and hurts too much’, that a child is ‘over sensitive’ because they get upset by the way someone has spoken to them or they are feeling that something is not loving, being sensitive is not encouraged. in the playground if its cold and wet the little children want to go inside and warm up and they get upset having to stay outside, the older children do not feel the cold and rain so much and so the little one’s are encouraged to get on with it in the same way and that they will get used to being out in the wind and rain, thus overriding their sensitivity and what their body is clearly feeling.
And there are so many thing we have created to deny our sensitivity. We crave elevation while completely ignoring the fact that we feel our whole and true selves when we allow ourselves to be sensitive.
Completely true Katerina – sensitivity brings us back to truth. No wonder why sensitivity itself as a quality has been inverted to mean weakness, when in fact it is true power.
We should explore why Zoe. Why is it that sensitivity has become bastardised to define weakness instead of the true power it is?
So beautifully said Katerina!
How true this is Katerina, we are here to express so so much more. I have caught myself in getting upset and giving up concerning the hardness and aggression in the world, which we as human beings take for normal. But as you write, the sensitivity we have is extremely powerful. Yes it takes us back to truth and it touches the world with the harmony we emmanate due to allowing our sensitivity and the deep love we are.
Thank you for this beautiful comment Katerina.
You have hit the nail on the head here Katerina; The sensitivity we all have is immensely powerful, it takes us back to truth.’
Hear hear – well expressed Katerina and absolutely true.
Beautiful Katerina
Katerina I am glad that you brought up sensitivity
I was always sensitive but it came out with the emotion and lovelessness which I was living and of course it was rejected by others. Living with love we put the power back into sensitivity and respond in a way that everyone learns and heals from it.
Living with love we put the power back into sensitivity and respond in a way that everyone learns and heals from it. I love this Bernard, a lovely sharing.
Well said Katerina – True sensitivity is something to honour not dismiss.
“The sensitivity we all have is immensely powerful, it takes us back to truth.’
‘As babies, we knew it. As small children, we knew it, but knew others did not, and so we questioned its authenticity.’ This is the point, the fulcrum – holding our knowing of love, feeling the truth and appreciating fully that like ‘bees and honey’, love and our resurrection as humanity do too.
A tragedy indeed Adam. Until I was introduced to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon I did not ever imagine that the way the world was living was actually our creation. A creation away from our natural Impulsing state of being. This I agree having billions of people not living the Love that they are in all that they do a major catastrophe.
It is true that the world is very far from the love that we know it could be. Yet anyone who could feel the love within ourelves, we can choose to be love starting from right now. We are all a part of this world, the responsibility starts with us and love says, hey you just have live the true you, that is all that you have to do.
It is the greatest tragedy of all Adam, I have to agree. By 4, 5 or 6 years old most children have been ‘beaten’ into submission by the multitude of societal ideals and beliefs that fail to meet them as the love and wisdom they innately are and the terrible hurts this incurs. It’s time for another way of living, a way that Anne Mallat has come to know – spread the word!
‘No-one is open to considering how to make it true again and how to truly express love.’ – Well said Kristy, the hurts and the protection are passed on from generation to generation, until we ourselves choose to stop and make a change. It is never too late to connect to our hearts and start to let people in.
A deeply touching and powerful comment Adam – thank you.
I never thought of things this way Adam, we are so busy worrying about everything else on the planet (war,famine,personal loss) that we fail to give attention to the biggest tragedy of all, the lack of love. Ironically if we did pay more attention to this issues the other world issues would probably take care of themselves. Thank you for you always appreciated contributions.
A child dies…. or when anyone close to us dies,we can get lost in the emotion of ‘ who is going to love me as much as they do/who can I love like that now they are gone. We blame God, anyone, for our loss, instead of lovingly celebrating the love we shared, and connecting to the love naturally within us and allowing it to be in all that we are.
Spot on Kristy. We get so caught up in how our lives have become that very often we don’t even consider stopping to reflect on the fact that it doesn’t have to be that way, that being tired or exhausted, and having multiple symptoms is not in fact normal, and there maybe something we can do to change how we live that would then change how we are.
Well said Adam. It is so obvious to see the grief at the occurrence at the unforeseen death of a child but as you so rightly say, “such an event does not even come close to the tragedy of watching billions of human beings give up on their true nature for a life of comfort and getting by that is in truth drudgery by compare.” And then this tragedy is compounded further by the fact that it is accepted as normal, the norm.
This is very understanding observation Adam. As children we were pure love but because we did not see it around us we gave up on love in one way or another, such is the story of humanity. “We need love like a bee needs honey” and cherish those precious moments when there is the smallest crumb of love, then return to ordinary loveless life in fear that we will be hurt again. What a wasteful distorted attitude, Love can’t hurt you but an absence of love in your life certainly can.
Beautifully expressed Adam. Having abandoned ourselves as a human race from our true nature, dismissing our love, shunning our sensitivity and the sensitivity of others and we end up in the world we live in today, abrim with conflicts and wars big and small, and suffering that is endured on a daily basis which is deemed as normal. The ills that make up what we label as ‘life today’ stem from our deepest pain of walking away from our love. Everything we do thereafter is to try and numb out this pain.
“We are remarkably fragile and sensitive to being hurt in ways we do not even allow ourselves to realise”. It is only recently that I am allowing myself to feel how true this is. I have found that I reacted to and felt hurt by a lot of things in life as a child. I was told verbally and energetically not to feel that way and so mastered a way of being that avoided feeling all that I felt. This became so automatic that it now takes consciously choosing to feel to override this. I have been surprised that feeling hasn’t devastated me. On the contrary, understanding how sensitive I and everyone else is, has made a lot of sense. It explains why we do some of the crazy things we do to avoid feeling and has allowed me to accept a deeper way of living.
Exactly Kristy, this is unfortunately how it is, until someone comes along to show us this is not true, there is a way that honours us and our sensitivity and love that we are.
This is a great observation you make Adam and one point that I find very poignant is, “As babies, we knew it [love]. As small children, we knew it, but knew others did not, and so we questioned its authenticity.” This loss of trust in love and to doubt its authenticity is the foundation of all the ills of society.
Hello Kristy and you have highlighted words we need to ‘own’ back, “sensitive and vulnerable”. In years to come we will see that in fact these two words are points of strength and never have truly been a sign of weakness. While ever we allow them to be used like they currently are in the world people will shy away from feeling them. As a man these words are like my best friend and most people would read this as me not really being a man or similar. In fact the thought still comes into my head, but life experience has shown me that when I honour the feeling I have in these moments, be sensitive and vulnerable to what I am feeling that I stand taller at the other side of it. I am a man and I stand by how deeply sensitive I am and how strong I am in being vulnerable.
Agreed Adam, there is no comparison when we see so many given up on life, when the choice to live the love they are is unbeknownst to them and right there within their hearts. Articles like Anne’s reveal that it is simply making the choice to look within and follow what feels true for you, not in perfection but in the knowing that you are living more honestly who you truly are.