For as long as I can remember, I have always watched a lot of TV. It was something I could do with my dad, usually watching sport, and because Dad wasn’t able to give us much attention – simply because he didn’t know how to at the time, – it was one of the few activities we were able to do together.
So began my life of watching TV – a lot of sport, movies, sitcoms – anything! It worked beautifully with my pattern of checking out from the world … and as I got older, TV, along with alcohol and various other drugs were used. Looking back I can feel how TV watching increased my anxiety, which then led to procrastination and a life of stress and rushing, doing just enough to get by.
This pattern of numbing myself and numbing my awareness lasted a long time. I was 40 years old before I finally gave up drugs; I gave up alcohol about 5 years after that, but TV endured until just recently. Although I have felt the effects of scanning through the channels, looking for anything to watch, hours spent watching sport and re-runs of comedies from 20 years ago, it took a weekend of way too much TV to make the firm decision to give it away and find out what I might achieve without it.
When I allowed myself to really become aware of the effects TV watching was having on me, I could feel that it was numbing my awareness and much more.
I called these effects the T.V.‘D’s; I wrote them on a ‘post it’ note, which eventually got stuck to the TV.
The T.V.‘D’s are as follows:
Drains my energy – we function on energy, and time spent in front of the TV is stimulating to the mind, which then makes getting to sleep difficult. The consequence of this for me was that I was still tired when I got out of bed the next morning. If I stayed up late, it was usually because I was watching TV, so that also meant I would be tired the next day.
De-motivates me – this one is self-explanatory: when watching TV, not much else gets done. I would do a bit of work, tell myself I’m tired and need a break, sit/lay down and watch TV, then whatever I had planned to do after that was ‘forgotten’ and left for another day. On occasions I would have a trip planned for work but get caught up watching TV, resulting in me cancelling the trip. This was followed with lies and untruths about why my trip was cancelled and my services were to be delayed. This procrastination sometimes caused a whole series of events where I put myself under pressure and stress, which then increased my level of anxiety.
Dulls awareness & understanding – while watching TV, it was easy to override the awareness of how tired I really was. Usually I start to get physically tired around 7.30 pm, but if I was watching TV I couldn’t feel that and therefore I would stay up way past my bedtime, a very naughty boy! It is also a very effective way to numb something I don’t want to feel. Eating while watching TV was the most effective form of numbing and distracting myself since I no longer used alcohol and drugs.
Develops anti-social behaviors – on far too many occasions I made the decision to watch TV rather than going out into the world to interact with others. Go to a party or watch a good movie on TV I might have already seen? – TV wins. An opportunity to learn more about love at a presentation by Serge Benhayon or AFL grand final day… tough decision – but TV and the live telecast of the footy wins. Go out tonight, tired from watching TV, so ‘too tired to go out’. You get the picture.
Disastrous for eyes – this one just occurred to me now. When I would watch hours of TV and then go to bed, I could feel the effect on my eyes – they hurt. From what I can tell, all of this TV has diminished my eyesight as I can feel the difference when I watch less or no TV.
It is clear that becoming aware of the T.V.‘D’s a year or so before giving up TV shows the difficulty I have had in deepening the love for myself – that is true. I also know that if I had made myself give up TV before now, then that would have been for some reason other than it being a truth for me. Although that’s not great, it is better for me to make changes that are true for me, rather than to change a behaviour because someone else does.
Since giving up TV I have found I have so much more time to devote to reading and writing. I am getting things done before I need to, getting to bed earlier, getting up earlier and my eyes feel better. I have also noticed how other distractions put their hand up to replace TV… so far I have been able to not take up any new ‘pastimes’. As with other things I have let go of in the past, I know it takes a little time for those thoughts of ‘maybe just one episode of Seinfeld’ or ‘just a half hour, then turn it off’, to diminish, so choices must be made and resolve must be consistent.
Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.
In appreciation of Serge Benhayon, for showing there is another way, not only by what he presents, but also how he lives.
By Mark Payne, NSW, Australia
Further Reading:
Addictions
Coming to the Truth about how I was Living…
Biting my Nails – Old Habits die gently
There are so many hooks that come through the TV that it is not allowing us to simply watch and enjoy. It is well worth experimenting with this just as you have done Mark so it is our truth and not a rule.
This is great Mark, as I to totally relate to what you have shared especially the checking out!! May I also add that what happens is we can also go into a role playing situation where we think we are the, super hero, the super nice person, the one who land the job that starts at the top, etc-etc-etc, and all to no avail for it is simply another form of checking out.
“…. letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. ” Such a good point Mark that can be of use in any situation where we find ourselves in old bad habits.
“When I allowed myself to really become aware of the effects TV watching was having on me, I could feel that it was numbing my awareness and much more.” Since your posting social media and screen time is even more rife than TV. What is it doing to us all?
Great to highlight some of the negatives of watching TV, and some of the bonus’s you get by not watching TV.
If you want to feel depressed about the world, watch the news on TV.
If we do feel depressed may-be-we can look at what needs to be uplifted and go about that with a true purpose? As depression only adds to the dilemma!!!
I agree with you Mark. It is always much wiser to make a change from feeling the truth yourself instead of doing it because someone else says so or wants it. This does not excuse irresponsibility however and hence the crucial importance we all have in taking an active role in making true loving changes in our lives.
Have you ever felt when you walk into a room where someone is watching TV, it feels like there is an unsaid rule that you do not interrupt and sometimes it can feel like it is a sign that says keep out and do not attempt to connect?
So true. It is actually very hard to have the TV on and listen to each other therefore it cannot be an activity to include when we want to spend ‘quality time together’.
Its true about what you can achieve without tv. TV brings you down. I remember how much tv infected me with how people behaved. Most, if not all, I did not want to be like however, I was no better off in the same dulling state disconnected from my body ‘watching them’. Here I was ridiculing others on the tv set good or bad because I was in the same state – the exact reason why I turned the idiot box on because I was an idiot also checking out from my truth and power to what I bring to life.
I used to watch at least 2-5 hours of TV a day, it was like an evening ritual, it started with a whole string of soaps and often ended with my favourite – dinner in front of the tv. The process of quitting TV didn’t happen over night for me, it was a gradual process (I think Neighbours was the last to go!). The key with what you said is that addictions to things like tv and soaps naturally fall away when we start to discover who we are and look after ourselves and our purpose in life. Then work begins to become incredibly fulfilling and we don’t need the distractions that take us away from how amazing we feel inside.
This is great Mark, and can I add one more “D”, which is drowning my-self in the emotions that were on offer while in front of the screen.
And Don’t feel that you will actually take anything away of True energetic value or True purpose!!
There is a huge difference about giving up things because we should or because someone has told us we should or giving up something because it is abusive to our bodies, when we bring more self love into our lives this abusive behaviour just drops away, with no will power or trying needed.
What may appear to be a relaxing moment is actually a dumbing down of senses and a drain on one’s lifeforce.
The TV robs us of our pull to be with people. Even when we are in a relationship, we are disconnected from that person while watching the box, and then we wonder why there is no true intimacy in our relationships – especially when the programs are placed as being more important.
The TV watching also wastes so much time.
Life becomes duller with the more external stimulation we seek, yet it is like a drug and makes us want to seek it more.
I agree MW and we seek the stimulation because our life feels dull due to us not living our light and the divine beings we are.
Love this sharing Mark as it highlights the self-empowerment that is on offer through the The Way of The Livingness. For as you have shown, and I have also experienced, that the more we are willing to be honest with how our bodies are feeling at any given time, we develop greater awareness to the effects that our choices are really having on our lives. As such we then can choose to adjust how we are living and as a result live so much more of who we really are, rather than being stuck in a loveless pattern of who we are not, being frustrated and feeling anxious by not living what we deep down know what our true potential is.
Yes, just the experiment offers a freedom for greater awareness of what we actually want in our lives. TV serves a purpose, work out what that purpose is and use it accordingly.
There are so many ways to avoid feeling full of ourselves. I found my self avoiding completing something this morning, deciding to tidy my room rather than enjoy the beautiful sense of completion – once I realised what I was doing I simply got on and completed it – Now I’m not dragging that around with me all day!
I have experienced every time an addiction presents itself it is an opportunity to say yes to more awareness. That grace period is to be more tender and honour my truth so I can live with more love in my life.
After a very recent series binge I have realised so much about TV that I hadn’t previously because often I can take it or leave it but once in a while certain shows grab me because of a need in me. Looking back over my life I realise I have lived my life according to certain programmes that I used to fill a deep grief I felt growing up from my lack of connection with others. I saw TV characters and used them as people and relationship substitutes. And I can admit the craziness that goes with this – the fantasies of being part of the detective unit, the hero, the one who gets the previously unemotionally available man (that one’s a biggie).
It’s like I used TV to always compare my life and, in my 20s considered my life as what would someone outside of me shooting a film consider it to look like – there was very little about how I felt inside. I was craving what I had seen on a show that I felt was missing in my life, so purpose, adventure, love, success, recognition etc. And my life felt so distant and plain that it was no wonder I went for TV programmes that are designed to hook you in with excitement, intrigue etc. But I can’t blame them for me abandoning my life and not appreciating me. This latest binge has shocked me or rather exposed where those holes are that until now I have avoided healing. What’s beautiful is that I can see where they began and bring me back to me.
I had not clocked how when I used to watch TV it increased my anxiety which in those days I was not ready to acknowledge either so a life built on lies was exacerbated by all the time lost to the numbing effects of watching TV. Life is so much richer without it.
The negative effects TV watching was having on you are probably shared with many if they choose to be aware of this fact, and yes, ‘When I allowed myself to really become aware of the effects TV watching was having on me, I could feel that it was numbing my awareness and much more.’
As part of my job I visit people’s homes, the TV is almost always on and it can be very distracting. There’s a hooking feeling that I sense when it is on. And also an anaesthetic-like affect that numbs the person. When indoors all day due to illness being sat in front of the TV can cocoon a person away from the world. My life has become much richer since ditching the TV.
As a health visitor I used to visit people in their homes and like you found the TV was invariably on. Sometimes hard to talk over the sound and eyes used to turn back to the screen. Not sure how much true communication went on then!
Watching TV can become an addiction and we can ask ourselves what is it that we are trying to avoid or distract ourselves from? Nothing on TV matches up to being aware of the amazing being we are when we tune in to who we truly are.
Yes, I love what you say here. I know for me I used TV to hide a lot of painful feelings of grief and loss growing up. Certain shows (and I’m sure there’s a show for everyone who seeks to medicate on TV) pretend to cater for this gap but I can feel the ones I go for come with a deeper yearning attached; there is no healing available with them only more of the same, more addiction waiting for the next series which is what the business is about. I can see why actors are followed with such interest because people want that fix, the allure of more of what will address their pain – or that was so for me. What’s great is seeing what is at play and there is no healing, only further loss when I watch TV.
Thank you Mark, if you still would be sitting and watching television you could not have written this blog, not only time wise but also you would not had the awareness of what you were doing to yourself and your awareness. Watching TV has a much bigger effect on us all than most of us want to admit, it is the fact of sitting a lot and watch it, dulling yourself but also what program is on and is feeding you ideals and beliefs about how life is or should be, is there ever any truth in what you watch on television?
Since giving up the TV, I have noticed that there is a willingness to be more engaged in life, in the local community and my moods have changed immensely. What stands out now is how much time was wasted by watching the TV – I used to say I didn’t have time for this and that, but when I examine how I was spending my time, it is easy to say a lot of it was numbing in front of the telly. I can literally say that my life has expanded since giving up the TV.
It has been a couple of years now that my TV has had a sheet over it! It sits un-watched and unloved after all those years of the comfort it provided. The space in my life TV occupied is now absorbed by productive activities. Just one more item that has been left in the past, that is no longer required or has a part in my future.
The pattern of procrastination then excessively rushing to try and counteract for our delay does not compensate that lost time – but by being consistent and more purposeful and focused on quality we will always manage our responsibilities and daily life far more effectively.
It is a well known fact that domestic violence and abuse rates are on the rise and this is interesting considering how simple issues within relationships could be solved if we gave more time and true care to them instead of checking out in front of telly together.
After reading this enlightening article I think it would be true to say that TV is a religion that could be claimed by most of the world = shocking!
I know some young adults who are addicted to computer games and I can see how this addiction is affecting their life and their relationships. The more we discuss these issues and expose the root cause of addictions, we are able to be more understanding and able to support people who are caught up in it. Without understanding it becomes easy to judge and with judgement, nothing will change.
I love how you have shared…’ letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. ‘ – as it is so true. I found that initially when I could feel that certain behaviours or activities were not supporting me I instantly thought that in letting them go I would be losing something, or missing out but what I have discovered is that what I have gained is a greater connection to who I am, and that far exceeds any activity or behaviour that does not honour all that I am.
A perfectly timed blog this morning Mark, I feel like I have a hangover from watching TV last night after quite a heavy work course. It actually irritated me at the time but I decided to do it to keep others company – what a decision! My body wanted to go for a walk and I can feel the effect of not honouring that in my body. So, I now have to bring a deeper level of love to myself before day 2 of the course today. Thank you for the reflection.
Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. It’s extraordinary how often we think of the answer to our indulgences is to give them up. This then brings on a clash of wills as one part of us says go for the TV programme or drink, smoke, whatever and the other part says no – at least that is how it can feel….with one side ultimately winning. When we connect to who we truly are the conflict ceases and we are left alone to enjoy ourselves, literally, and the purpose to being here and what we have to do returns.
“Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.” Absolutely Mark. What we focus on brings energy – so focussing on who we are not doesn’t serve us at all. By saying ‘yes’ lovingly to who you truly are enables old habits to fade away – no effort required.
As we discover more about how vital purpose is in our life, one must contemplate the insidious nature of all the distractions that abound
Awesome list of how watching TV can effect us Mark, thus affecting all around us. The responsibility you have taken and the choices you have made are inspiring.
I used to love watching soap opera’s on tv and couldn’t wait for the next episode to see what would happen. I also found the time spent watching tv was to relax and unwind, but now it seems better to ask why we need the time to relax in front of the tv? Could there be other reasons why we need to relax? How have we been during our day or week that has lead us to be tired in the first place? Watching tv now actually makes me really tired and the noises and intensity of the tv programs actually make me feel quite yucky. It goes to show just what are we watching on tv and what energy is this then bringing to our bodies?
We do not have enough doctors, nurses, police, firemen and social workers and I am sure the glamor of TV has a lot to answer for this. Many people are devoid of reality living in illusion wanting to be a pop star. This is ideology is hurting our very foundations of society.
A gorgeous blog to read Mark and a wonderful example of someone taking responsibility for choices that do not dull, numb, distract, cause addiction, alienates, etc.etc.; instead making loving, self nurturing choices;
” When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.”
I ave noticed I am so productive when I don’t turn on the television. I have also noticed that I feel less drained – this is counter to what I have lived with for so many years because I thought when you were convalescing the best thing to do was watch TV so you were not challenging your brain with doing much else! I can share from experience this is definitely not the case!
I was struck by your use of he word past times, not often used today. Not only do past times, help us to pass the time away but they also give us a false idea of what life is about, as if it is here to be frittered away by us with no sense of purpose, or if there is a purpose that that be kept for special activities and then we get relief from that in our past times or hobbies. In fact some past times have grown into multi million dollar businesses and fanatic outpourings from the public. This is true when we consider kicking around a ball and football the sport as it is played today, likewise singing together in the evenings and appreciating a beautiful song to the mania of pop idols. Amazing how we can take something and create an obsession and craziness from it.
It’s very powerful when we start saying yes to Love, to being ourselves in full and then making other choices with this as our foundation. Constantly saying no to ill behaviours can help us change to a certain extent but if we’re saying no to something, we need to be very clear what we are then saying yes to, otherwise as you point out Mark, we could simply say no to one thing and replace it with something that looks different but does the same job of numbing or distracting us from feeling everything there is to be felt.
I wonder how TV watching has become so popular, why, out of all the choices for things to do have we, as a global humanity taken to TV watching so enthusiastically – myself included. There must be something more than just the entertainment factor, there must be something else about it that speaks to us as people for it to have such a far reaching affect. An affect we are totally willing to succumb to no matter the scientific results that prove that TV watching is damaging to the physical body, it is something we chose again and again with increasing fervour and extremes.
I loved your sharing Mark of how TV impacted your life, and with that realising you chose to make self loving choices,” When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.”
A very honest and astute dissection of what happens to us when we watch TV – how it alienates us from others and escalates anxiety, a state we learn to live with and might even call ‘normal’, but one that falls way short of our true potential and the joy of engaging with and committing to life. It is as though watching TV puts us on hold and we park ourselves somewhere, out of sight and out of circulation.
Much of what has been written here I can relate to, and it makes sense that checking out to this degree would leave us feeling lethargic, uninterested in what’s going on in the world, giving up of things ever being any different, and waiting for our next fix. To me TV addiction was very serious and I allowed it to rob me of so much in life – so these days there are no favourite, must see shows or movies, and life is definitely fuller with things that matter.
Often when we give up an addiction without healing or dealing with what caused us to taken on the addiction in the first place may result in us choosing another addiction to replace the one we have just given up. Often I have heard people say, ‘yes, it is great I gave up smoking but I gained a lot of weight because I started eating a lot more’, so is it possible that if we do not shift the consciousness that drives our addiction it just simply gets disguised in another form of addiction?
I love how what is needed comes to us if we surrender and are willing to evolve. I am aware of the TV D’s but have not quite managed to turn off yet. TV is filling a need in me as well as being a huge distraction, depleting, demotivating (yes I know that one too). I have used it as a way to numb out the intensity of the world, right from when I started going to school. I remember that I would get home from school and instantly sit down in front of the TV with as many chocolate biscuits as I could get away with. I do the same now after a ‘tough’ day (minus the chocolate biscuits). I see it as time for me but in reality it is me choosing to not be me and to abdicate my responsibility to be present. What we need to truly understand is that when we do this we may think no-one else is affected, but that is so not the case. EVERYONE is affected, so by me being irresponsible I make it harder for others to choose responsibility and easier for them to join me in the irresponsibility. We do nothing in isolation – everything is felt by all.
This was really interesting to read ‘Looking back I can feel how TV watching increased my anxiety’ as I have never associated watching tv with anxiety. Numbing, checking out and procrastination yes .. but anxiety? However, after reading your T.V ‘D’s’ this made sense with procrastination then comes anxiety of what we haven’t done or need to do .. the delay we have been in. I haven’t got a t.v or watched this for ages but definitely need to ponder on where in my life I procrastinate that in turn causes anxiety.
I remember when I was a child I used to feel anxiety towards the end of a movie because I knew once the movie was finished it meant I had to return to reality and face a very loveless environment. So, from a very young age, I recognised watching TV was an escape, it was like a break from life where I was able to lose myself in the story of whatever I was watching. Often afterwards, the image of what I had watched on TV would replay over and over again, leaving me fairly distract and this was another form of escaping from life and from responsibilities.
it is extraordinary isn’t it Mark… If television didn’t exist, and one wrote a science-fiction movie about about this insidious screen that was in everyone’s lives that people all around the world, from the poorest hamlets in India, to the richest houses, and where people stayed glued to the screen, and lost connection with the extraordinary magic of the world and the divine all around them… Well it would be a horror movie wouldn’t it
Great perspective Chris. That’s the last time I watch TV!
I’d say that last part is a key point in changing our behaviours, it’s not about focusing on and removing the harmful behaviours but instead giving our focus and attention to loving ourselves and confirming that love within us. When I initially started to appreciate myself daily I realised it was having an effect on my negative, critical thoughts simply because it wasn’t feeding them and instead feeding and allowing what is amazing to grow and take up more space in my life.
Television shows seem real when you look at them. Occasionally I step back in myself and imagine the directors, the cameraman, the make up artists all creating the “show” and then realise I am not watching the world, I am watching a made up story that isn’t real.
When we do not live true to who we are, we are easily seduced by a world of images that lead us away from this and promise to alleviate the tension of the perpetual pull to evolve back to who we truly are and that we otherwise feel when not so numbed and distracted by these.
The TVD’s are spot on and something I have experienced more times than I care to remember. It’s often a very conscious choice for me to numb out when I don’t want to feel something or if my anxiety is through the roof, sometimes I need to watch a very light show to actually calm me down. But for the most part, I watch TV to shut the world out. Although I do it far less than I used to, the side effects are even more obvious now.
Great points Mark, I think we engage in all these things because we don’t really have a purpose in life. If we cannot really feel there being any true purpose to life then why bother? Then watching tv or whatever we might do for past time seems ok. This is a great topic to raise for discussion as you have done but will we listen?
Such an inspiring statement ‘When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done’ The irony is we distract ourselves to not feel what is to be felt, to not be aware of what is there to live, but when we begin to connect to who we truly are, our inner richness of love and truth, we then ask ‘why on earth would I want to numb or distract myself’. It is uncomfortable in taking the step, but that is only a spec of dust to what resides within us.
When you move the order of the word T.V.D’s you end up with DVT, Deep Vein Thrombosis, which is a clot in the vascular system that can be life-threatening. A great reminder to drop the procrastination and say ‘Yes’ to all we have to offer the world.
We all have our ways to numb and distract and to recognize these ways and be able to say no to them consistently as we have understood fully their effects of harm on ourselves is a a true joy to behold, this joy is not only because we have kicked an unsupportive habit, but it is in living the huge potential we simply are.
Like any activity in life we need to discern how we engage with TV and what we are seeking to avoid if we are looking to check or numb out or alternatively seek entertainment and stimulation.
TV is a pretty sure way to numb out – I am a master at choosing the right show at the right time to do this. I am drawn to drama shows where there is always a lot going on, and none of the characters watch TV. But whats funny is if I go without TV, I see that my day is full with talking to people, getting out to the world – and my life is just as rich and full as the characters who I thought had it all!
Oh great point HM – that we watch shows full of characters who never (or very rarely) watch TV. So there is this vicariousness to watching where we can fool ourselves into thinking we’ve actually been part of something and not the truth which is that we are purposeless and disconnected from life in very way.
I used to be hooked on TV shows too and I thought it was pretty normal, but once I felt how distracting, numbing and draining it was I gave up the TV shows. It was not through discipline but through listening to my body, I simply got to a point where I felt it was a complete waste of time to sit in front of the TV and my body actually felt agitated afterward. I didn’t like feeling stimulated and numb anymore.
What I am most appreciating in this blog right now is the detail of your process of giving up TV i.e. Building a strong awareness of its effects on you, and then allowing the space for yourself to make the change. I’m in the process of building my awareness around some old behaviours, and that is exactly the approach I have been advised to take. Reading this blog not only inspires me but confirms that it is a tried and true way forward.
I stopped doing something that had always been a part of my day from childhood, watching that box that would by magic pull moving pictures and sound out of the air into my life. We now have the technology to be glued to the tube 24-7, and we are no longer tethered by wires, so there is no place on or off this planet we can not watch TV. This allows us to check out not just at home anymore but everywhere. The world is full of amazing things and people… but they will not be found on the box.
Oh great blog Mark. I work in TV so you have not done the industry any favours! I have to say though, if I watch TV the D’s so happen – not all at once and not always but this line was me to a ‘t’ “TV watching increased my anxiety, which then led to procrastination and a life of stress and rushing,” Now that was spot on. So now I have to limit my TV and be disciplined so I don’t put undue pressure on myself.
Hey Mark, great blog. I’ve always been a huge lover of TV – but I haven’t actually had a television for ten years. I know it doesn’t serve me and I’ve proven this to myself in years gone by when staying with my parents or at a friend’s house, channel surfing until the wee hours of the morning. Today I value human connection much more – and I would much rather have a conversation with friends or family than tune in (or out) to the TV.
Knowing how addictive TV can be and how anti sociable it is, it is very concerning that many of our young spend hours in front of a screen either watching drama or on computer games. Across the world we are already seeing how this is effecting mental health.
TV is but one of the many hundreds of thousands of ways so easily available to numb our awareness and bury our reactions so we can ‘manage’ life. Hence where true responsibility comes from is the humbleness to be honest and true with what we are really feeling.
Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. Love this Mark, and a super reminder……
TV is something I watch rarely now but am clocking that I can easily replace it with checking into and checking out on computer, The world wide web offers what is probably an even more destructive alternative where we can jump from one video to the next. I do notice how much better I feel when I limit my use of the computer to just what is productive and don’t get carried away with meaningless entertainment which makes my brain shrink and actually gives me less positive thoughts and much less productivity.
Mark Payne thanks for sharing what has become the key ingredient in todays’ society to keep the day running. What is interesting to note now is that the TV is no longer restricted to the home in the comfort of the lounge room or our bedroom but on tap 24/7 on our various devices. Creating more opportunities to check out or not engaged with those around us.
TV used to be such a big part of my life also but now it never gets a look in. I do not miss it one iota. It is such a waste of time and space. Great sharing Mark.
A true healing can only occur when I feel ready to let go of it. Sometimes this can happen instantly and sometimes it can take time but every time I choose to hold onto something that is not supporting me I am simply delaying because I know one day I will eventually give it up.
The term ‘who I truly am’ is one I hear often, which always confirms for me that we are living a way that does not feel natural. It is only by honouring this knowing of what is true in every moment that we can without perfection, return to blooming into our rightful expression in all we do and all we are.
‘Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. ‘ Beautifully said Mark, thank you for being so open and honest and sharing your healing of your tv addiction, this is such a great support for anyone wanting to change any behaviours/addictions that are holding them back from who they truly are.
This is huge what you present here Mark, as it is so normal in our society to watch TV every night and this is not seen as an addiction at all. But reading your list of TV ‘D’s brings home what we really doing to ourselves.
I agree, Judith – and it made me realise how for many TV has been replaced by phones, which allow us to check out in a similar manner. Perhaps the phone ‘D’s are no different?
Addictions come in many forms, and what is revealed here is a really insidious one.
I don’t have TV in my house and when I have the chance of watching TV in another house I can observe the disturbance it generates in my body. For me this is a confirmation of how harming it can be to watch TV unconsciously and continuosly.
Our addictions can be huge from smoking to the subtle behaviours in how we can override ways we don’t take quality care in ourselves. There is definitely a mixed bag in this department and the writer has shared with such honesty and simplicity that either way there is a responsibility for the part we play.
As I watched TV whole of my life I can relate to this and have to say: I used TV to get this T.V.‘D’s you are writing about, so I’ve got exactly what I wanted. More or less unconscious I wanted to dull, wanted to not feel so much, wanted to check out, wanted to be too tired to do something more. By and by and with my unfolding (on the way of the livingness) I discovered all of this but was still not able to let it go. Till the point I started to appreciate me more deeply, started to appreciate what I feel and the beauty of just being me. And this is just the beginning of something more grand. I like to discover more of me and my grace & beauty, the sense of living and the loveliness of intimacy – this are my choices now.
So I do not waive TV and feel like I am missing anything – I am full of a growing, unfolding seed of love.
Today I feel that being able to admit that I have any kind of an addiction to TV or even just to technology itself is an honest step in seeing the level of dis-connection with my body that I can live by. And although I know that this is not something that needs ‘fixing’, just by bringing in honesty to the picture helps me to re-address the underlying cause of why I choose to numb out and dis-connect from my body in the first place.
I have also watched a lot of TV in my life and still watch the odd TV. I rarely choose to put on the TV myself now and usually get caught in it when it is on. The thing that i notice mostly now is how tired I am when I wake in the morning after I watch any TV the night before. It’s also a killer of conversation. Where the conversation become about the TV rather than how we have been in our day. Our days are much more interesting and much more honest that what we could ever see on TV. In our lives we see the whole picture (whether we choose to see the whole picture is another question), whereas on TV it’s a slanted view.
The T.V’s you list are spot on. The draining and switching off effect really does occur to our body. As you share…” I could feel that it was numbing my awareness and much more…” I certainly agree with this.
Hello Mark and growing up TV was a huge part of my life. If I was bored and had nothing to do, I’d just sit in front of TV to pass the time. I remember we lived on a small farm well out of town and so I had no access to my friends and felt a bit isolated. If I had time on my hands it was usually in front of TV. While that has changed I still find time for TV and usually now I fall asleep if I’m watching it. I still relate TV time to having down time. The funny thing is for me I never wake up the next day after watching TV feeling great, I pretty much always feel drained and lethargic. My life is always in review and TV time is on the review again.
Coming back to this blog it feels like this can be applied to any thing – it’s like addiction is our ‘go to’ or something we return to to confirm something. For me having conversations in my head is my TV screen at the moment – to avoid feeling what I am feeling as all previous addictions have been be it TV or computer games. They confirm the notion that what my body is feeling is too much or that my choices are true. But if they are true then why distance and distract myself from the effects on the body and not stand by them and claim them as the truth that they are – unless a part of me knows that they are false. Could addictions be a way of covering up and avoiding feeling the quality of our choices?
I was super intrigued about how when we remove one distraction, it shows us not only what we are truly feeling, but also how we instinctively go to another form of distraction. For me I’ve found snacking a great way to stop myself from feeling what is really going on…. until I changed the way I eat. Awesome I thought, problem solved. However, the feelings still come up and unless I am willing to address my issues, then I simply find another way to distract myself when stuff comes up.
‘Eating while watching TV was the most effective form of numbing and distracting myself’ – this is really interesting Mark, and so true. I’ve noticed that many families now eat dinner in front of the TV instead of at the table, and my family used to do the same, and it’s so important to consider how the quality of time together differs between the two. In front of the TV are we connecting the same to each other?
It is only over the last couple of years that I have realised that I myself had addictive behaviours even though I do not drink, smoke or take drugs. I realised that there were things in the day I wanted to and needed to engage in, over other things and that these ‘other things’ got done and fitted in around these more central things, which were often time-wasting activities. None of it was true relaxation, and I was not giving equal love and presence to everything in my life consistently. I found that if I do this – bring all of me to everything, the addictions drop away.
I was listening to a friend yesterday telling me how his evening was planned and it basically involved an entire evening in front of the TV. It occurred to me what a waste of a life that is and in also how draining it is.
What medium we use to numb and distract ourselves doesn’t matter.
It is how we approach activities and what intentions are behind them rather than what the activity actually entails.
I wonder if perhaps there is a tendency to give a little too much power and authority to the tv, which at the end of the day is an inanimate object.
I was just thinking about how much time in my life I wasted watching TV and what I could have down with that time instead. How much utter checked out comfort can one invention bring? Just had this flash back of me sitting or lying on the couch, big bag of crisps, dips and beer, many evenings and Sundays of my life spent that way.
Awesome blog Mark, which really shows us how TV can end up dominating our life if we so allow it. Many many years ago I felt that TV was a ‘time waster’ and so I not only stopped watching TV but also did not own a TV anymore after we moved house and we decided not to get another one. And then years down the track, we did get a TV but I just could not get myself to look at much more than just the occasional movie or, yes, Seinfeld episode. However, having said that I did not watch much TV, I still felt there were other distractions and ‘hobbies’ that took over. So it is not just TV, but essentially anything we do that can end up being a form of distraction from what really needs to be the focus, which is building our foundation of self love and self care.
Like you I have stopped watching TV. If I were to tot up the hours that I have spent in front of a TV screen it would be truly astonishing; weeks, months, a year? spent in front of the screen. And I wasn’t even a ‘heavy user’. Now that my life is so full I literally don’t know when I would ever get to watch TV – even if I wanted to. It’s funny reading this blog – because only yesterday I walked past our sitting room in our house and was thinking on how little we used it (in that we only ever used to go in there to watch TV) and that it was now kind of a waste of a room. So – not watching TV saves space as well as time!!
When I read your list of ‘effects’ it becomes super clear that TV is no less a “drug” than any other drug.
Wow Mark when I read your awesome blog about TV addiction I was wondering why most people are looking TV as it seems to me that this is not so healthy.
Brilliant blog Mark, the harmful affects of TV is huge yet not many of us are willing to accept this or expose it like the way you have. Thank you for sharing with such honesty and wisdom. I can so relate because I was mildly addicted to TV too. I used to feel awful every time I had been sitting down to watch a show or a movie. I would feel heavy, demotivated and even sad but I used to repeat it again and again until I started to truly embracing self-care and self-love. I started to appreciate and love myself which gave the strength to say no to the things that I already knew were not supporting me. I didn’t have to give up TV, I simply chose to care and love myself and from this I no longer had the desire to choose things that made me feel awful. I was able feel a lot but often chose to ignore them but now I realise trusting and honouring my feelings is a very loving way to live that supports me to be who I am and from this supports people in my life. I also realise that our choices affects us as well as others, so there is a responsibility here that cannot be denied which is always about everyone and not just ourselves.
Every moment of every day we have a choice as to whether we want to stay with our awareness or dull it down by whatever means possible. It is great that you have taken something like watching TV to the truth of what it actually is, a way to check out of life for a while. Imagine if we were that truthful with ourselves so instead of saying that we are watching TV in order to relax we could say we are watching TV because life is too much and we just want to escape it for a while. Now that would raise our awareness!
Simply inspiring Mark.
I have not watched TV at all for the last few months, and it has been interesting to notice how my life is peppered with so many stimulating/numbing devices that would put me out, like food and music, and how hard it is not to do anything but just to be.
It is a good thing that you have given up watching as much TV Mark. Otherwise we would not be reading this terrific Blog.
I fully agree, Concetta! But it also got me thinking what else do I do in my life that I could consider stopping as it doesn’t serve me. Using my phone less is certainly up there.
It s so worth reviewing what our addictions are and what the things are in our lives that make it easy for us to check out. There are so many ways to check out these days and to put off dealing with things it would be healthy for us to deal with. What I am learning is that being present and facing the things that come up now, is the best and most satisfying thing, and I have a feeling of completion without that nagging feeling in the back of my mind that l should be doing something else.
Mark, you describe the energy of addiction very well and it does not matter whether it is an addiction to TV, drugs/alcohol etc because it is all the same. Underneath it all is the energy of wanting to avoid responsibility. Thank you for exposing this.
“This procrastination (watching TV) sometimes caused a whole series of events where I put myself under pressure and stress, which then increased my level of anxiety.” Oh, I can relate to this, not procrastinating by watching TV but I have seen myself trying to cram jobs knowing there’s a deadline and yet at the same time my anxiety levels arising. Why oh why do we put ourselves through this when I know the consequences and I know that when I’m stressed it serves no-one?.. I shall ponder on this. Thank you Mark for sharing a very interesting and inspiring blog.
“… it is better for me to make changes that are true for me, rather than to change a behaviour because someone else does.” If we make changes because of another which I have done many times, the changes don’t last because I simply am not ready to make the changes. The changes may be true to me but it comes down to listening and honouring what feels true to me and not because of what another is choosing to do.
Which leads me into saying that acceptance of ourselves and where we are at are fundamental on our path of evolution for how can we evolve if we cannot accept and totally be honest with ourselves and the reflection we are emitting in each moment. Not thinking I was further along the path than I actually was has been life changing for me.
‘Looking back I can feel how TV watching increased my anxiety, which then led to procrastination and a life of stress and rushing, doing just enough to get by.’
This is a huge hello, get honest revelation. So often I, and many other people I’ve known, watch TV to chill out, to relax, to escape their reality. I know I used TV to take my mind off something in my life that’s asking me to pay attention, to learn and grow from which I know it isn’t going away. TV is my delay, wanting my bit of so called respite.
So there’s a discordance, an anxiety because I know I am pulling away from what my soul and body know is true and I know this comes at a cost – one of which is exhaustion, the exhaustion of fighting this pull. So, do I cease the conflict and come back to myself – or do I reach for the remote and delve deeper into some series or other?
The other day I was travelling by plane to Vietnam and the energy of checking out is very strong due to everbody is watching TV (and drinking alcohol).
Mark I love your honesty in sharing your childhood – adult addiction to T.V and what was behind it, and from here claiming the negative effects of excessive T.V. I am sure so many people can relate to your T.V D’s .
It’s great to know we all have a choice to change our past patterns of behaviour and then live more lovingly.
I love your honesty in this blog Mark. I have found this too – “time spent in front of the TV is stimulating to the mind, which then makes getting to sleep difficult” when i watch a movie before bed, i usually have trouble getting to sleep. Through out your whole T.V.D’s i could relate to them in one way or another with the thing i have noticed with TV also. Thanks for sharing.
We are perfectly designed to be constantly tuned in to life, to our own TV Channel. ‘Station YOU ‘ is the greatest show on earth – each episode contains exactly the healings and learnings we are here to see. Now this is must watch TV!! So it makes sense that our health and wellbeing greatly suffers when we tune out, and try to change what we are seeing to something else. The question is are you a regular viewer and observer of your life, or have you developed a tendency to flick the remote? Thank you Mark, for giving me this opportunity to ponder.
‘Station YOU’ I love it Joseph! We can make it all drama or we can make it about love and coming together.
I love it Joseph, each episode of our lives ins jampacked with potential for healing and learning, why would we want to check out with fake TV when the greatest show on earth is our real lives?
Its only after I had given addictions away that I could appreciate how much time, energy and money I had wasted on them
yes I find that amazing also. Until you are out of it, you don’t realise all the implications they are having.
Whenever I watch TV for extended periods I now feel really strongly how it takes me out of the world and into a parallel universe. It is a completely different space i inhabit and my awareness of everything is definitely dulled, especially my awareness of the world around me and my ability to observe what is going on is definitely lessened.
What I love about this article is that it asks us to look at what is behind the reason why we turn to TV in the first place. There are so many things we do but don’t often question what led us to do them.
Tv and PlayStation are things to totally check out with and it wasn’t that long ago we didn’t have them. My parents didn’t have these things and still people of that era still get dementia. No wonder there is a real rise in this disease. With the amount of things out there now days to totally keep us in a daze.
Thank you Mark, for exposing the TV ‘D’s’. I would say that everyone has or has had a relationship with a TV. We’ve all watched TV to escape or to dull ourselves, and I can certainly relate to the ‘D’s’. I am much more aware now when on occasion I do watch something, but with your blog and all the wonderful and honest comments I will let myself be inspired and rather say YES to ME instead of to a screen.
I love how you have shared here, Mark, and really we could replace TV with many other “addictions” such as shopping, eating, sport- all things which numb us in some way.
I can relate to the shopping one-if i am feeling bit “down” I am tempted to shop. It might not be purchasing anything expensive but nevertheless the effect is the same. Awareness of these things is huge and then it is up to us to make a choice -do we go for the numbness or deepen our awareness.
Beautiful Anne. The source of addiction is to the seeking of unaware, dull and heavy because we are hurt and do not want to feel it. I have used food in the past no different to how someone could use TV or shopping or even drugs as a way of not feeling the truth we avoid feeling
Love that Anne. Its so true, we can replace TV with many things. Its awesome to become aware of these things.
Very true Anne, there are many ways we can choose to numb ourselves and shopping has certainly been and still is, but to a much lesser degree, one of my ‘addictions’. I used to spend hours surfing the internet looking for a bargain but these days I’m not on the computer anywhere near as much. There is definitely room for improvement but I am learning to call it out and put a stop to it much more quickly. I agree, awareness and listening to the awareness is key.
Mark how awesome that you have been honest about the detrimental effects of excessive TV on your body and health, and chosen to give it up. Now you have more time to do what your body is calling out for.
I read your blog this morning Mark, and I’ve felt my awareness around this issue expand more and more throughout the day. I love how the student blogs offer this support and opportunity for learning and evolution to one another. At the root of all addictions are undealt-with hurts. This aspect of the human existence absolutely fascinates me, and with this I can feel a growing willingness to get more honest about the hurts I’m still holding on to, and the impact this is having on my life and the lives of others. Abusing oneself is never a solo exercise.
It’s interesting, Mark, how your introduction to TV was a way of connecting with your Dad. It’s fascinating the lengths we’ll go to when we crave connection with someone, particularly with our parents in our formative years. It’s great to see more clearly how these foundational hurts can run our lives, until such time that we are prepared to get honest about the pain that we are distracting ourselves from. The hurt of not being truly met, and for abandoning ourselves. I can see more clearly now how a vicious cycle takes form and how a pattern of behaviour embeds itself in our lives based on our choices, and the devastation that ensues. How awesome and inspiring that you have dismantled your addiction to TV in this way. A true healing.
Mark, I love how you used your TV screen as a white board to stick your post-it notes on. Transforming the screen from the vortex of distraction it was, to a tool for reflection and learning. Love it!
It’s become quite common for people to no longer watch TV. Some of my friends have not watched it for years. But I wonder how many of us, if we looked honesty at our life are actually living free from the numbing ways you describe Mark? I have found that it is easy to make it about the activity, but the underlying issue seems to be what I actually sense and feel in life. The more I am honest and stay tuned to this, I never look to go to another channel.
Great point Toni – the purpose of TV as a business model is to make money through advertising, so the longer people watch, the better the potential flow on purchases from the advertising. Makes you also wonder about the purpose of the media…?
The challenge we have with TV is it is so widely accepted as normal now. I am still working through being very clear about the impact TV has on my body and wellness. I find if someone else is in the house watching TV it can grate on my nerves to the point I become frustrated. If I’m watching it, I seem to put all that frustration aside and just get lost in it. As I look back on getting lost in it, is becomes very uninspiring!
It is beautiful to read such and an honest article about everyday life and how it is so normal accepted and usual to watch excessive tv and also drink alcohol and how addictive this is. The adverse harming effects on our health interactions with others and anxiety is not recognised as it is so called normal to live this way. A great exposure and understanding of how we live and how we can change and make more loving choices and this can be considered normal as it becomes our new normal as you have and the true way to life honouring who we are.
Mark you raise a great point when you identify how TV watching increased your anxiety, which then led to procrastination and a life of stress and rushing, doing just enough to get by. When we are doing just enough to get by it is like we are walking through life with the brakes on. Part of us knows this and therefore there is this constant internal battle – now that is enough to stress anyone out. The interesting thing is that it has nothing to do with what is playing out on the outside, but is something that is being felt on the inside.
I too appreciated how clearly Mark was able to identify and describe the pernicious effects of the momentum he was living in, which I too can relate to. Living life with the brakes on is absolutely exhausting. I am learning to ease off the brakes and re-learning to trust my body and surrender to its wisdom. When I put the brakes on, this interrupt its natural flow.
I watched shows every evening for years and years. Many of my friends did the same thing so of course I considered it the norm. When I stopped watching TV about 2 years ago I was blown out by how much more time and energy I had to get things done. I got to see that it was yet another distraction and numbing tool I used to not get on with life.
I agree Mary-Louise the thought of sitting on the couch watching hours of TV does not inspire me one bit. My work colleagues think I am rather odd because I don’t indulge in TV at night, they wonder what I do instead, I use the time to have a walk or prepare for the next day or precious time with my daughter. I have never missed TV as there is so much to enjoy and experience in life that enriches us beautifully in life without numbing or distracting ourselves.
Perhaps you leave a clue there Anna, in the appreciation of how much there is around you to be joyful and admiring of, the need for distraction with TV is no longer needed.
I can agree Anna, my partner and I have been together 5 years and I count on one hand how many times we have sat and watched a video or TV together. Life is far to amazing to get lost at looking at other people on a screen.
So true Mark as soon as we say ‘yes’ to who we are and connect to purpose we do not want to waste our time nor energy on TV or any other addiction that takes us away from being with ourselves and getting on with serving humanity.
After reading your blog Mark I looked up the internet interested to know what was written about this subject and below is what I found.
“Recently, there has been consensus accumulating that there exist many types of behavior that might be considered addictions (e.g., see Sussman, Lisha & Griffiths, 2011). Addictions do not include only behaviors typically associated with excess and being a waste of potentially productive time (e.g., substance abuse, gambling). Addictions may include behaviors that may be intrinsically life-fulfilling but have appeared to spiral out of control (e.g., exercise, binge eating, relationships or work). Addictions also may include behaviors that are often intrinsically not associated with excess, are not generally considered life-fulfilling, but are often considered a waste of productive time (e.g., television viewing). http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4114517/ “
The above paragraph echoes how I feel about addictions. We can be addicted to any number of things and one is no worse then another. Many people think that being addicted to drugs is way worse to being addicted to say yoga or your work, I disagree they are both being used for the same purpose, to distract and numb yourself and they all can spiral out of control. As a society we need to talk out more about all forms of addictions as presently there is far too much stigma connected to drug addiction and not enough understanding that all distractions are as bad as each other.
“. . . letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.” Mark this is a super insight and something that would be great for parents to take on board. When we say No to something, children often rebel because they don’t want to be imposed on. They may even see the wisdom of giving something up but will not do it because they are being told to. When they are encouraged to feel into what would support their body then they know what they need to do or not do and they learn that they are responsible for the choices they make. Once we fully appreciate who we truly are we can no longer make choices that do not support us and old habits naturally drop away.
All the distractions we choose are a way of hiding our magnificence and rejecting our power. We can reduce them, replace them lesser and milder versions, which may help for while to build awareness of the pattern, but ultimately the source must be addressed and we must re-claim ourselves.
This article will be very supportive for many people who struggle with the allure of TV watching and the drain it in truth is on our energy.
Yes Emma, such is the norm TV is in our lives this article wold be appropriate to most of society.
I love your honesty and transparency in your writing Mark. It is very true:
“I know that if I had made myself give up TV before now, then that would have been for some reason other than it being a truth for me.”
We have to feel it for ourselves and then choose to make a consistent resolve.
In my experience, not with TV as that was never an issue for me – I have always hated TV! – but with other things I have ‘given up’, is that I have oscillated back in and out until the pain intensified, the effects on my life and on those around me, to wake me up to the fact that it needed to stop. The interesting thing is that once I have stopped, with full resolve and commitment, it is easy and gets easier because as you say, I have chosen ME and the deeper connection I have made to my body guides me to continue refining. Once the fog of stopping the familiar choices clears, I then receive more energy and clarity to refine and it frees me up to allow renewed purpose and vigour in my activity.
When I was in my early 30’s I remember many mothers would just turn on the TV first thing in the morning and sit their children in front of it, using it as an easy means to entertain them and keep them quiet. I’m very thankful that breakfast TV was not around when I was growing up, we would be wrapped up warmly and sent outside to play.
In my days growing up, I was allowed to watch TV Saturday and Sunday afternoons, when there were children’s’ programs. During the week there was never any TV, and switching on the TV before the news at 8 pm was unheard of. Somehow that continued for me throughout my life, TV in the daytime was a no-no for me.
True Sally, this can be seen a lot. TV and many other electrical devices are put in front of children as many people are not coping with life. It is a easy way out that is accepted as normal.
For years I observed a cycle I wanted to change: of coming home from work, having supper, and watching TV. I never fully understood what stood in the way of breaking this habit and repeatedly stayed stuck in it. Recently, I discovered that a renewed commitment to life, left no space for TV in the way of the old cycle. It brought in a new quality, urgency and appreciation that whatever space (time) we’re given is not to be squandered in activity that benefits no one.
That is key right – “an activity that benefits no one.” – So true and with that truth expressed, I guess we can look at all other things we engage in that benefit no one …
Beautifully said Kehinde “I discovered that a renewed commitment to life, left no space for TV in the way of the old cycle. It brought in a new quality, urgency and appreciation that whatever space (time) we’re given is not to be squandered in activity that benefits no one.” Wow now this is what I call true education.
Being addicted to TV was a regular theme in my life for many years. No day was complete with some time zoned-out on the screen, and very special days were those when I could go to the big screen at the cinema and loose myself completely – usually this experience would be so intense that I would need to come home and watch TV just to come down from all the excitement that those block-buster epic movies bring. But really all of this was just varying degrees of a chosen numbness that I could feel comfortable with and was willing to accept. So, although the TV may be gone now and I rarely go to the cinema any more – There are still levels of numbness that I am willing to accept in my life, and this is what needs working on more.
“Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.” Love this Mark, thank you. Sometimes after about a week of not watching any TV I notice that and then I can feel how I use TV watching to distract and tune away from myself and was hooked on another channel, feels great to let that hook go!
I appreciate the awareness that Mark has brought in this blog, that often we add anxiety and stress from doing those things we actually think are reducing them. TV is a great example, by numbing ourselves to feeling, we cannot support ourselves to rest when needed, eat when needed and so on, so we are definitely more susceptible to anxiety and stress. There are a whole list of things we each have based on such paradoxical behaviour. Over eating, driving myself with work or doing things, not giving myself enough time to properly attend to a task, acting a certain way in a relationship because it is comfortable and safe, to name a few. It is great calling all these out because then, we can be on alert and bring more presence to these checking out behaviours. Awareness begets awareness and this ultimately leads to a more loving way of being as Mark so well shares.
‘When I allowed myself to really become aware of the effects TV watching was having on me, I could feel that it was numbing my awareness and much more.’ I feel that most people would have this realisation if they allowed themselves to be as honest as you Mark.
Absolutely Sally, it can be so easy to get sucked into a whole other TV world. I often then find I come out feeling worse than when I started watching the TV. I hear lots of people saying the same.
I agree David, “it can be so easy to get sucked into a whole other TV world” and I would add that this could be wanted as well. I can choose to ‘go into’ my TV-world to not have to deal with what is going on around and in me.
Many a day I used to sit in watching TV as the sun shone brightly outside. It was always a relief when I switched the TV off and went out into the fresh air. Why did I resist going out so much, what hold was it the TV had over me? It is very interesting to observe how strongly we can become attached to watching TV yet how much our body is giving us obvious signals that this is not good for us.
What is it that has us opt out of fresh air and sunshine for TV? Perhaps the idea that we deserve it, like it is some sort of reward, when in fact TV is dulling us and some time outdoors would be much more of a reward.
“It was always a relief when I switched the TV off and went out into the fresh air” so true Stephen. our body almost celebrates stepping outside it seems to feel that good. Why do we resist indeed.
When we start to feel and see the effects of the choices we make, especially the harmful ones, this is when true change can occur and we can be open to letting them go. Until then any change that we make are unsustainable, as we have not truly felt the effects for ourselves. Stopping something because another says so or because we ‘think’ we should changes nothing.
Your last sentence is a game changer for everyone. It is not about focussing on the thing we know we have to give up. It is getting to know again what we value more than anything else in the physical world – our natural love and connection with ourselves and each other. This knowing is built over time through all the ways we can say yes to it, early to bed, light food etc and time for inner quiet to develop so we have the space to feel it. This is the way to deal with all addictions, whether its TV, food or drugs.
This blog clearly exposes the realities of TV watching in a very honest and truth-full way. I find it interesting as looking at the trends in TVs these days I see them getting bigger, brighter and even curved to really draw you in and escape life! There is much wisdom in this blog for us all. Thank you Mark
I love how you say that giving up TV has not been a sacrifice, but has been more about saying yes to who you truly are. If we could see this about every choice that we make it would make it much easier to make supportive and loving choices. For example with food, we may feel that by not eating something we are sacrificing something that we enjoy. But ultimately if that food dulls or numbs us it is not serving us to feel awake, vital, alive and ready for life. Ultimately it is about putting ourselves before the desired behaviour.
Yes Rebecca, I also love this way round in that Mark is saying ‘Yes’ to who he truly is every time he makes a choice to love and support himself instead of feeling that he is missing out. It is such a beautiful way to see it.
I was never an excessive TV watcher (though what do we define as excessive?!) – though not because I didn’t want to watch but mainly because I felt I didnt have the time… However in the days when I was a TV watcher, it was either my reward for a long tiring day and where I could switch off from my life and / or as an reason to seemingly engage in a family activity (though don’t recall that anyone was able to focus on too much other than the TV) . I remember many times wanting to stay awake to watch a show and then finding myself falling asleep on the couch, & at other times feeling exhausted and ready for bed and yet with tiredness that miraculously disappeared when I started watching! It took being willing to be honest about why I was using TV the way I was, to realise that mostly it was an escape from life or providing temporary relief and that underneath all of this I was simply exhausted… Over time, the more I was honest and the more I began to take care of myself, the less and less I needed, or looked for, TV. I don’t watch TV at all anymore and don’t miss it at all!
I too would come alive when a TV programme I liked would come on in the evening to find waking up next morning such a struggle. I soon realised that staying up and watching TV wasn’t supporting me and so decided to go to bed instead. I do not miss the TV either and letting go of it and going to bed between 8.30 and 9pm has been one of the best medicines ever.
Last year I had planned to move house, where I was going I knew that there wasn’t going to be TV, well there was, but wasn’t going to have access to foxtel and all the comforts I was used to having. This was a choice for me to move and I was looking forward to it, but I had an anxiety around not having my creature comforts of TV and the like. I was so worried about it, because TV throughout my life had been my comfort, my friend, it had been there when I was lonely and no one to hang out with. What I found amazing is that when I moved, I didn’t miss it at all, or perhaps the first few weeks, getting used to a new rhythm, but found how expanded I felt from not having myself invested in so much stuff on TV that didn’t feel great in the first place.
Great comment Raegan. We recently moved house and decided to not have a TV. I love the lounge room without the big screen taking up all of the space.
Yes I can relate to that too. Although we still have a TV (small and analog), it has spent a very long time now standing in the corner of the living room,covered up with a beautiful cloth …
The lived experience will always make things much easier to let go of as long as we are attuned to our bodies and can feel what these things do to us and our bodies, and not override our knowing with other things to numb that inner knowing.
So true Susan, TV seems to take more and more a back seat and computer screens/mobile phone screens are on an alarming rise, especially with social media. I find I can get distracted there too and when I realise it, have to go for a walk with me to reconnect and let that go before I can bring me to the rest of my day…
A very informative honest account of addictions and how it effects us but becomes a so called normal way of being ,They are very powerful but once understood as coming form our emptiness only then can the real honesty healing and new way of life begin and the love we all are be appreciated. Beautiful Mark thank you
The ‘normalness’ of these pastimes is part of the insidious way that they work. We stop questioning them as everyone else is doing it. I could also feel how Mark began to relate TV time with love – this was all that his father could offer at the time. Although deep down we know true love inside out we end up taking what we can get.
I re-read your blog this morning and this TVD stood out ‘Dulls awareness & understanding’. I‘ve become aware that people have become addicted viewing not only TV but box sets but streamed films onto TV and laptop screens. I ask if dedicating huge chunks of our lives to sitting in front of TV and other screens is truly living. One radio presenter shared her experience of regularly coming home from work, viewing box sets to fill time and for comfort and companionship. She admitted the addictive cycle she was in and didn’t know how to stop herself. Another growing trend: downloading films on TV sets, the belief being this offered more choice and independence from TV scheduling. Missing the point that when we’re excessively engaged with on-screen activity, we lose touch or concern with ourselves and the world outside and this weakens our desire to want to do anything about our own lives or for others. People are often more engaged with on-screen characters and stories than real people and real life. What if, every person donated ‘hours of TV and other screen activity’ to hours of true service to community and we start this as children. This is currency transfer’s value is love. The interest gained is immense: speaking up, actively doing something about about all types of abuse, raising awareness, supporting others, making a difference, being active in life, not just for ourselves but all humanity. This is not being a ‘do-gooder,’ this is being of service and seeking no reward or recognition.
What a great comment. Thank you Kehinde. There is nothing like real life interaction. Just confirmed this moment by my having a phone call from a friend who felt it would be easier to arrange something if we were in more direct contact than email. We have arranged to go for a walk in a few hours time. Again more direct contact and a lovely way to talk over what is needed allowing for more sharing for both of us who live on our own.
It is very true that having a relationship with TV dulls our engagement with the real world or care for what is really going on. TV is like taking a break from people, not wanting to know or deal with them. In other words it is an escape. It is easy to feel this way when you have lost connection with yourself as the feeling of missing something is huge. It is ironic that by giving up these ‘fillers’ such as TV we actually start to rediscover our love for ourselves and others.
Yes Mark, entertainment addiction is a huge distraction in our lives. And takes us away from feeling the reality of life and who we are. And this creates nervousness, anxiousness and tension, because we are living a life from a perspective that is that is not who we are.
I just saw this inspiring animation film about drug addiction and how it is not about the drugs, but that we get addicted because of a lack of connection. This is the same with TV or any kind of addiction. Once there is a true connection with others, we don’t need all these outside things to fulfill us. It just shows how life is about people and connect with them.
Absolutely true Mariette – I feel it can also reflect the lack of connection within ourselves too.
Lovely Mariette – it is about connection to ourselves first, and the emptiness then can leave and then to connect with others is so much more inspiring as it allows for interaction on a connected level rather than on a superficial level.
Gorgeous comment and so true Mariette.
When I am at home with friends, I have no desire to watch TV. Testament to what you have offered Mariette.
One of the most important things I have learnt from letting go of my TV addiction is about my own resistance to being aware of my body, because with TV I could literally zone out and become very numb as the programs would take me in to another world through my mind, completely disconnected to my body. But this was something I chose to do everyday, almost like a reward, or a treat, or a well deserved break. Which, when we consider how numbing it was for me, is crazy, because why would I reward myself by becoming dis-aware of the body I live with? Essentially this was all I knew, and I was always avoiding taking responsibility for the choices I had made throughout the day. So, in a way it was a reward, because I was telling myself what a good job I had done at working so hard at being numb throughout the day and to top it off I got to completely escape. I can see how this works to self perpetuate a constant numbing of our bodies.
We have quite an ability as human beings to turn absolutely anything and everything into an addiction and a form of distraction. This goes to show how strong the pull is to return to the love that we know is true and all the effort and struggle we use to avoid, delay and distract ourselves from the inevitable.
So true Vicky. And sometimes it is not until we try to or are forced to give something up that we realise that a behaviour has actually become an addiction. I liked Mark’s comment that he hasn’t chosen any replacement additions yet. This is something I have to look out for when I am giving up an old behaviour, not to find another filler.
And how strange is this really – all we do to distract ourselves from the most beautiful thing we have inside – our love and to share that love with all we meet, so it makes no sense…
‘Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.’
This is so true, but how many people remain imprisoned by their addictions because they feel that to ‘give it up’ is depriving them of ‘the spice of life?’ Industries such as those established to support weightloss and drug, alcohol and gambling addictions are all based on the premise of ‘giving up’ something. Can you imagine how different the outcomes would be for people who’ve been addicted to drugs if rehab programs were based on the premise of choosing you rather than giving something up?
Well said Mark Payne: When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.’ Absolutely right, the desire immediately falls away and we are left to choose again in a more clearer way. How beautiful to let go of these desires and tackle them in order to make more true and clear choices! Gosh that is just so much more fun than watching tv!
For many years I would feel a restlessness in sitting watching hours of TV, I knew that it was not a great use of my time and could feel the tension from it, yet it is only recently I have started to not override these feelings and step away from spending much time watching telly. It is funny to feel how strongly the pull was to switch the TV on and often how difficult it was to switch it off, but once off it would often create a sigh of relief in my body. More and more I see that real life is far more interesting to observe than anything on screen.
I find that I need to be very aware as I find that when I give up tv I then replace it with the computer or any other activity which then brings me to look at why am I needing something to check out with, something for downtime? What am I missing during my day that requires me to desire something as comfort?
I find that when I dont watch television I have so much time to attend to all of the things I say I dont have time to do. For me watching TV is an absolute waster of time.
Heidi it is quite incredible that when we don’t fill our days with TV we have so much more space to do different things. It shows in the past when I would claim I was so busy yet could fit in 3-4 hours of TV how I could have spent that time doing the things I avoided liked paying bills or cleaning!
“Tv watching increased my anxiety, which then led to procrastination and a life of stress and rushing, doing just enough to get by.” I can certainly relate to this comment Mark, and what is interesting is that it takes the time to stop and step back to be able to see this and what is actually going on here
Mark it’s great that you share this so honestly. I have observed that many people would not consider their level of TV watching to be an addiction, but clearly it is and it takes away from the life that can be lived. Actually, in various surveys that pop up from time to time on health, lifestyle, consumer preferences, etc, it is considered ‘normal’ to watch a few hours of TV per day! In the whole population what an incredible number of human-hours that would add up to that are not being used for loving engagement in life and relationships!
We had a friend over for dinner last night and after about three quarters of an hour he said that he had just noticed that we do not have a television – this seems odd to so many people and yet we are not questioning that it may be odd that the majority of the population of western society watch television daily to entertain themselves.
Also I think this concept of wanting to numb life can relate to many other areas of – not just TV, you could replace it with anything that you do in excess (such as over working for example) or anything that you do that you know is self-destructive
I can’t tell you how much I relate to this blog – I can see myself in each line – especially about anti-social behaviours in regards to avoiding talking to people or going out as much because I wanted to watch a show or movie
Yes and sometimes when out with others, I’d rush home to just see a particular series – Oh am I glad these days are long long long gone now!
Such confirming and inspiring statement “Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. ” Letting go of behaviours and choices that do not support us, is a joy, there is no denial, or misery in it. Saying ‘yes’ as you say to who you truly are is what we all feel a call to discover, awesome to have this shared in this article.
Draining of energy has been linked by Mark to something that can occur through stimulating the mind at night and loosing quality sleep. It is great to have this simple fact shared. Anyone with children will know it is important to have some downtime before bed, to wind down. There is also an implication here for being wound up during the day, by TV or other influences and how there is a kind of stimulation that takes us out of our bodies, into our heads and in that disconnection, makes us live in a way that causes harm to our bodies.
Yes i have to put my hands up for a reading addiction continuing well into the night after lights out. Days and days on the couch book after book. I could live in an alternate reality, disconnected from everything and everyone
Sometimes when I used to have a break from TV, I would switch to reading because it was ‘better’, and a more intelligent way to pass my time, but I just ended up getting addicted to the fantasy worlds of books as well!
Yes me too Jessica, often I’d have the TV going and the book in hand too, and more often than not stay with the book as it was much more enthralling to get into and lose myself completely in another world.
I so relate to that too Nicole, that used to be my highlight too, especially reading books as a series, with many books in each series. I would be totally disconnected from the world and the people around me, just loosing myself in another world, as this one at that time was so hard to live in. So glad these days are over and I can appreciate all of me and everyone I meet and the world around me too.
Thanks Mark for exposing the effects of watching TV. As I started to let go of watching TV, it was very difficult, especially in the evenings. It was really like a drug. Normally at 8pm I would switch on the TV and watch TV for 2-3 hours regardless of how I feel. At this time, I wouldn’t have realised if my body was tired or not, I would override all my feelings, I was only in my head. Only when I started to feel my body, I had a marker and I could feel when my body was getting tired and after a few months I could let go of watching TV completely, because there are so many other great things I can do instead.
It is quite profound to understand how little we can feel when we live in our heads. This is how the majority of mankind live. This one choice, to feel and respect your body is the beginning of the end for living the checked out life of addictions
“When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.” I also have made the experience that numbing gets so boring and life so exciting and interesting that to get on with what needs to be done is a very satisfying activity – living life instead of escaping life.
“…it is better for me to make changes that are true for me, rather than to change a behaviour because someone else does.” I find it crucial and actually the only really healing way to not just ‘discipline’ the behaviour / addiction but to ‘starve’ it by nourishing the underlying lack that leads to the addiction in the first place. Otherwise, the emptiness seeks to be filled with another substitute, on the outer it then looks as if we have changed but inside we suffer the same dilemma.
‘I find it crucial and actually the only really healing way to not just ‘discipline’ the behaviour / addiction but to ‘starve’ it by nourishing the underlying lack that leads to the addiction in the first place’ Yesterday I saw a booth within a supermarket that had many coloured files, a bit like a sweet shop. I had to find out what it was. It turned out to be a vapour cigarette shop. So you can buy tubes of liquid vapour with any flavour you like and as much or no nicotine as you like. When you draw on them, inhaling or not as with a cigarette, vapour that looks like smoke comes from your mouth. A very clever invention to replace the cigarette with something that claims to be harmless. This could well be an example where”the emptiness seeks to be filled with another substitute, on the outer it then looks as if we have changed but inside we suffer the same dilemma.” I shall stay in touch with this lady and see how she fares.
The symptoms can’t be healed as they just get pushed deeper, appearing to give a momentary relief. Unless root cause is addressed, nothing truly heals at all.
It is so true that the only thing that is needed to change those numbing behaviours is to love ourself, and know that to be the only way to be.
This is an awesome blog to re-read again Mark, love the honesty and truth you share about TV addiction … especially the TV D’s…
“…it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.”
Well said Mark, if we make our choices about honouring ourselves, then we stop feeling that we are missing out on life and don’t need to make up for that anymore.
I once met a person who was deeply involved with a guru but, unusually, also very honest. One day he discovered cable TV and, despite the well-known issues with TV, that is actually better than being run by a guru. In this case, watching TV actually gave him the strength to leave the guru.
You are emphasizing a point here Christoph that Mark has also addressed in this article, that you cannot just follow rules that you set yourself from the outside, but need to have a more scientific approach with this and find out what works for you, as Mark has done.
Yes! Saying “yes” to who I truly am, and that is to bring my being to every moment, rather than to get ahead of myself when the moment is not there yet. Acceptance of where we are at is very self-loving and powerful.
Yes, “Acceptance of where we are at…” is the foundation from where to take the next solid step. Without acceptance we are ignorant of what we don´t want to be aware of and the next step will carry on the flaw we intend (or pretend) to leave behind.
I love this sentence Adele – “Acceptance of where we are at is very self-loving and powerful.” It is so powerful as it cuts out all comparison!
Love the TV D’s Mark, great blog. We can make an addiction out of so many things and TV is right up there with them. I’m not that bothered with TV but I do love going to the movies, it was always a special treat when growing up but now I can feel how I immerse myself in the viewing on the big screen and numb myself away in the false belief that it’s a reward or something.
Interesting how, with TV, there can be a kind of link to the world, because in some ways it offers a window to see the bigger picture, with wonderful documentaries, news programs, films that reflect the complexities of our human nature, and sometimes just the current trends that represent where we are all at. TV can, at times, be something that makes the isolated person not feel so alone, or the insular person remember that there is more life out side of their front door. However, I have observed that there is a potential trap to watching TV, as it can offer a kind of illusional space, an altered reality where bright lights and drama can fill your head and your days so that you do not have to feel or take responsibility for your body and the choices you make around self-care. So TV has the potential to be used in a way that inspires, but it also has the potential to cause much harm. But is this the TV’s fault? After all it is merely an electrical object in the room. Or is the responsibility of the person watching to monitor their own intentions? So I suppose the big question is – who holds the remote?
Awesome Shami. It’s about responsible use. I actually really enjoy TV for the reasons you share – and I enjoy some fiction programs too – and recognise for some it is a window into the world but I no longer let it have any sort of priority in my life. Actually we could say with the advent of streamed TV the line between movies and TV have blurred. Are we watching TV, or going to the movies in our own homes? Either way it can become an addiction. On the other hand: can there be such thing as responsible use given its capacity to alter own minds? It’s a bit like using the same line of reasoning for alcohol, a hugely harmful drug still with societal acceptance. But at the end of the day I feel TV can be OK – it’s about being with ourselves whilst watching it and not checking out or misusing it. I’d be interested to hear what others feel…
What is very interesting with addiction, is that when I leave one addiction, and I don’t deal with what is underneath that addiction, I just move to the next one. Nothing new I am sharing here, it is just quite fascinating how it works….
Yes Mariette, it feels that addictions are so very misunderstood. This effects how we deal with our addictions and how we realte to others who are dealing with addicions. It is never about the substance or the addiction itself, but about what is creating the addiction. I have spent a long time trying to deal with weight issues by trying to control what I eat. But it is never about the food itself. My relationship with food is determined by how loving I am with myself. So all my efforts to control what I was eating (in a very unloving way) have often been in vain as I was never looking at what lead to these choices, and I was never listening to what my body was saying about all of this. So many people put so much effort and energy into controlling and fighting addictions – in a very unloving, hard and self-loathing way. it’s no wonder that people struggle so much to stop unloving behaviours, or try to stop an additction and move straight into the next one.
Or have to spend the rest of their life in an addiction support group, forever attached to their particular addiction even though they might not be physically acting on it. Is that replacing one addiction with another?
Having said that, I totally get how addictions can be so entrenched, or perhaps should I say how certain momentums can be so entrenched. Even though I have turned my life around enormously and live life very differently from the way I used to, there is still a part of me that finds it very hard to step away from doing too much. I can feel how this is a more-than-this-lifetime pattern, hence its pervasive quality. It is certainly very helpful to be able to talk about this with practitioners and supportive (and honest!) friends and family. But I feel at the end of the day it is only me that can crack it, by exercising awareness and not overriding what my body feels.
Your comment is nailing that it is always about underlying issues that play out addictions. This is so interesting, it gives addictions a whole new perspective. The cause of the addiction is usually related to something totally different, which makes trying to fight addictions a waste of time and energy. It’s all about the root cause, which needs to be healed.
Yes truly healing the underlying issue lets go of addictions truly, allowing for transformation rather than just using our ‘mind’ to say ‘no’ to things without really feeling into it. I have found in the past, stopping something from the head was never lasting, only when my body stepped in did I experience true letting go as my body did not want it anymore, in fact refused it and transformation occured that was/is long lasting; the thought of returning to the previous addiction or behaviour never returned/s.
Thank you Mark for being so open and honest about your now past habit of tv addiction. I can remember as a young girl shortly after tv first arrived in Australia, how crowds would gather outside shop windows to watch the tv on display. When my best friend’s grandmother bought one I noticed how it had a huge impact on our play time. Instead of playing outside for hours as we usually did, we would sit on the floor and watch tv. I remember subconsciously clocking that there was an underlying addictive hook associated with watching tv. It was not long before almost every house had one!
This line is the basis to self-love and establishing more of you is beautiful “Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done”. Surrendering to your feelings is a commitment to who you are. If something does not support me it makes sense to not act on it. What I have to be aware of is if I do something again when I have clocked it no longer supports me, being hard-disciplined on myself is not moving forward also. What is supportive is to acknowledge the learning and appreciate what it means to me to not do it anymore.
Amazing breakdown of an addiction Mark, what i have noticed with my own kids these days is HOW THEY ASK when they want to watch TV, if it comes from a place of boredom, escapism or if it feels like they are present and active in the choice of what they want to watch.
This is great Lucinda, I notice this with my kids also, and how great that we can support them to be aware of this.
I also realised this was an addiction many years ago, and made the decision to stop (way before encountering Universal Medicine) because I knew when I started to read a book, it was to shut out the world and not have to deal with what I could see and feel happening all around. and I would be more and more reluctant to drag myself out again, it felt like a lifeline at the time, but deeper I knew that it was making things worse, it harder to relate to the world as I was less committed to being there, – and so begins another vicious circle. It was also to shut out the truth knocking on the door and calling me up to be more of who I am.
“When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.”This is so true Mark, when I am not wanting to truly feel who I really am and what is going on around me I can come up with loads of distractions the main one being food! Though this is slowly changing as I learn to accept all of me and instead of hide bring this out to the world.
That’s the key isn’t it Samantha, the acceptance of all that we truly are and bringing this to all we do and meet; what a difference that makes to our lives as well as everyone we come into contact with.
Thanks Mark, i too spent many hours in front of the tv checked out and found myself moving from this to other distractions such as food, alcohol and drugs, and even trying to look at tv as the evil because i had moved on from it even though the behavior was still there, it just looked different but it was still checking out behavior
The T.V. D’s are so spot on and I reckon can be applied to many things we ‘use’ in life. I love your understanding and patience with yourself – ‘it takes a little time for those thoughts of ‘maybe just one episode of Seinfeld’ or ‘just a half hour, then turn it off’, to diminish’ – I always find a gentle but purposeful approach so much more effective that the ‘shoulds’ and ‘shame’. Thank you, Mark.
Anything we do can be used as a distraction, a toning down of the glorious magnificence we all are, and are from, when we feel the fact that we have not been choosing to live this in our life’s, rather than feel the hurt we try to numb and distract ourselves and bury what cannot it truth be buried.
Yes, anything in life can be used as a distraction and to numb ourselves from not feeling the pain and hurt of choosing to walk away from from our magnificence and glory. It is time to stop indulging in these distractions and return to who we truly are in full.
“I have also noticed how other distractions put their hand up to replace TV… so far I have been able to not take up any new ‘pastimes’. As with other things I have let go of in the past, I know it takes a little time for those thoughts of ‘maybe just one episode of Seinfeld’ or ‘just a half hour, then turn it off’, to diminish, so choices must be made and resolve must be consistent.”
Great point Mark, the thoughts that we are bombarded with that try to pull us back into un-supportive or destructive behaviors or patterns are very enticing and temp us,
When we choose connection to our tenderness, love and body’s, it forms a strong foundation that holds us, as why would we leave this wonderful feeling of who we are for a destructive behavior.
So it is like a rebalancing of the scales: for ages we have given weight to the thoughts that entice and tempt us into habits that do not support our well-being and engagement with life. By incrementally paying more and more attention to our bodies and what they show us, we can tip this balance until, because of this collaborative and respectful interaction with our bodies, we make choices that enhance and develop us in life.
Indeed Matilda evolution is at our finger tips – the scales look the same but weighted towards our bodies rather than our thoughts.
“Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.”
Great insight Mark, by choosing to be ourselves in full expression and not holding back, let other people into our hearts and express our love, anything that is not in alignment with that simply falls away.
Yes Thomas it seems that self acceptance is key to not wanting to check out and distract ourselves, when we express in full we have no need for outer stimulation as our truth lived feeds us back and confirms the richness of who we really are.
Reading your article Mark, I am reminded to listening to the radio with my father as a small boy, it was a way to be with him even though he would be working and not really present with me. Later on as an adult I would listen to spiritual discourse’s by the guru I was following, it had a similar energy for me of checking out and numbing myself from the hurts I was feeling.
The T.V.D’s are spot on true. A TV should come with a health warning label on them before use!
I guess there would be no sales anymore… 😉 And so much the better for all of humanity.
Yes Karina we may actually start truly living! I feel true community and real connection has suffered due to the addition of television. Don’t get me wrong tele has been amazing for some things but the majority of shows on there are just an indulgence that do nothing to evolve us.
Yes just so Samantha, indulgence only, no evolution whatsoever.
I love how you identified your “T.V ‘D’s” – to be aware of these effects in your own time and by your own doing is a great way to actually changing your behaviour rather than someone just telling you not to do it. Very inspiring to read, I can feel how this approach can be used on many forms of addiction. Thanks so much for sharing this Mark
It is great how Mark explored and thus understands his behaviour and therefore, knows precisely what it needs to truly change and not just shift from one to another addiction.
We watch TV to not feel. But this is often not enough – so we eat and drink in front of the TV as well. Cinemas make their money not through the charge for the entry, but through the food and drinks they sell… It needs a lot effort to numb ourselves – Interesting, he?
That is spot on Sandra – it does take a lot of ‘effort’ to not feel, which makes us exhausted and then we don’t feel capable to anything else but sit in front of the TV and do more of the same to feel more of the same. It’s wonderful to start to be aware of this and appreciate the little moments that present to choose to do something different. Like not turn on the TV but have a little walk or play with the kids or dogs, paint nails, pick flowers, breath fresh air, listen to the birds – who has time for TV?
Yes very interesting. How much we have to do to suppress everything we are feeling all of the time. No wonder we are collectively so exhausted.
So true Sandra, maybe one of the reasons so much food is consumed at cinemas is to stop us from feeling the effects that the ‘entertainment’ is truly having on our bodies. If we weren’t so numbed out or stimulated with food we would probably read our bodies messages that was asking us what were we were doing there in the first place and get out!
You nailed it Sandra, and then what next when the food and the TV are not enough. The list goes on until we look at the root of the issue.
What a great blog Mark! Following sentences I love very much: “Although that’s not great, it is better for me to make changes that are true for me, rather than to change a behaviour because someone else does.” That feels so true to me as only if I can feel in my body which change is true I can really change the behavior otherwise if I would change it because someone else did – this energy would stay in my body and would come up hide in another not so loving behaviour.
Very true Ester, I know when I have changed something because someone else does, it usually doesn’t last, or as you say, can turn up in another behaviour instead. It’s taken me a while to figure this one out and still catches me sometimes!
I agree Ester, changing something without feeling the effects first only leads to something else taking it’s place. I have learnt this over the years and have found many things I gave up prematurely and have since revisited for a while and then felt for myself if my body wants them or not. I did this the other day with wasabi and the next day my gums were swollen and I had mouth ulcers which lasted for two days – it’s safe to say my body didn’t want to eat this substance.
Exactly, to do something because someone else does it makes no sense, as it is not our own truth and the change will not last if not felt from within first.
It is crazy that we as a society condone this medication for the human condition as being okay – the many comments on this blog are testimony to the fact that TV affects us in many ways and yet because it is so deeply rooted in society and entertainment is a right, a part of celebrating life we fear life without it. It is almost crazy that TV actually shows on its screen some realities yet they are flat and lifeless compared to the life we all could be living if we started to connect to ourselves.
That is a great point you are making Lee, TV is flat and it makes your life flat and it says a lot that for many it is the highlight of the day. It just shows the decline in joy in our lives and how little we appreciate and celebrate our connection with nature, with God and with each other.
It is really a sad state of affairs if TV is the highlight of the day, how checked out do we have to be to make that our highlight? You named it rightly I’d say, the lack of joy in our lives – to numb ourselves to that instead of connecting with each other and the beautiful things our world has to offer, makes no sense at all.
This is so true Judith, ‘It just shows the decline in joy in our lives and how little we appreciate and celebrate our connection with nature, with God and with each other.’ Watching t.v is flat as you say Judith, there is so much richness that we are missing out on in real life.
I know I am probably the only one on this thread saying this but I still enjoy a movie or a great show, I love to have a laugh or a quality series, granted it is only occasionally now but I still find it fun.
TV is an interesting one for me, I have definitely broken the habit as I watch very little and just don’t know how I fit it in before, but I don’t know if it feels like gaining or not??
That I am unsure of, it just is how life is now, busy and full.
I think we can label anything and everything as numbing out if we are using it to numb, food, beach even over indulging in ‘self love’ can be harmful. In saying that, I don’t think demonising any of these things is the answer but instead being honest about why we are choosing whatever we are choosing in each moment and being able to be reflective and open to change. I for one know that tomorrow I may not feel this way as it was not that long ago that I ended each day with a show on TV.
I do relate to some of what you share here Sarah – I also enjoy the occasional good movie or documentary as well. And when I do watch, I am aware that the potential for ‘being sucked in’ is there and so I practice my breathing and staying connected to my body, feeling it or getting up now and then, just to stay present. Otherwise TV holds no attraction for me in fact most movies or docus I tend to watch on the internet rather than the TV.
Agreed Sarah Baldwin, for me this blog speaks of the pattern of addiction, the emptiness before and after the fix, we know that anything that builds to excess is a flashing red light – a choice before us – will we get honest or will we override until next time.
Great honest comment Sarah it’s not the TV that’s the problem, it’s how and why we choose to watch it and what we choose to watch.
Exactly Kevin, the why,the how and the after – all really good points to feel into deeply.
Great comment Sarah, an honest sharing. What I love that you have brought here is the fact hat we can check out with anything we choose but it still all is checking out. I can check out on a bowl of lettuce, but the fact remains that I am checking out.
At the end of the days work and everything I have to do is done I have started taking note of how I feel if I watch TV or not even if it is just watching the news. What I have really noticed is Tv really drains me and makes me tired and I find it hard to keep my eyes open after a short time whereas if I continue to wind down in another way and do a few things round the house,read or play music I don’t get drained and I wake up feeling better.
Thats interesting Kevin, I like the idea of experimenting, I might try that.
I am just hearing the complete gift of being honest with ourselves and really listening to what our bodies are telling us. I can feel my body ‘blob’ and give up if I watch TV – it is almost as if whatever I am sitting on absorbs and dulls me… and there is no denying that it feels rubbish.
Great observation Kevin, i know i can often feel a real resistance to letting go of my day, drawing the curtains on the ground floor and walking upstairs to bed, accepting that nothing I try to squeeze into the end of my day will support me or anyone else.
I love your comment about the news as I find in our house that we say that we will just get the first 10 minutes of the news and find ourselves watching tv all evening as the adds for whats on next entice us to watch.
Yes I can attest to that too, if I sit down and watch a movie or something, not even on TV but DVD or on the internet, I feel tired real quick as well and end up not watching to the end at all, but starting bedtime rhythm. By the time I finished that it feels so lovely to have properly reconnected with me ready to rest.
Sometimes i wonder what else we would be doing if there was no TV at all… It really highlights how much we use the TV as a crutch for distraction
I am not sure about the statistics but I remember something like 2-3- hours a day that people are involved with TV and or social media etc, it might be even more for some. That is a big piece of lifetime actually not living but escaping to live.
There would be a lot more families who are connected and communicating with each other, thats for sure.
Interesting how TV has only really been a part of our lives for a relatively short period of time if we consider how long human beings have actually been on this earth. And what’s more, is how it is the generations of TV watchers who become the adults who then have the jobs and the careers in the entertainment industry and go on to develop even more extreme forms of entertainment such as computer games, some of which provide a very violent and or all consuming virtual reality. Doesn’t this tell us something about the genuine overall affect of TV watching?
Interesting again to consider that under another influence – religion – many people can also be engaged in violent acts towards one another. So, is TV our new religion on earth? And are we making excuses for it because it and the computer games it fosters are caught in this virtual world? But how much do we actually leave behind when the program or the games finish. How much of what we have watched and or been a part of actually comes with us in to everything that we do.
There is a great responsibility here to be aware of the greater impact we have by our choices for entertainment.
This exposes the insidious way that things we call ‘entertainment’ – thereby making them sound light and insignificant – leak into our every days and become the foundations for society moving forward. Today’s gamers are tomorrow’s work force… what is their inspiration? Our responsibility now is to expose where we are really off track before it becomes more and more entrenched as the ‘norm’. Here I am talking about graphic violence, cyber abuse, bullying etc.
Can you imagine if the whole world fasted from TV for one day? I am sure it would give us all time to reflect on what our life was really about, TV is one of the biggest distractions out there, and the quality of some programs are deeply harming to society.
I’d go as far as to say the quality of most programs are deeply harming to all of us. I am so glad TV has held no attraction for me for quite some time now.
It is as you say Joseph , often we tune into TV when we are wanting to tune out from ourselves to not feel. I hear what you are saying Sarah, there are times when TV can be just time to relax, and I too have felt the messages that can come through, when watching a program. I myself watch very little TV, and am very choosy with what I watch. It is no different to spending hours on the computer surfing.
I have cut down to nearly no TV now, this was choice as well as not really having time for it anymore. As I increase my committed to life, I began to feel kind of odd laying and watching TV.
In saying that I still enjoy having a laugh to a comedy or a cuddle in front of a movie and just relaxing.
I also enjoy the messages that come through certain movies much like nature they always seem to relate to my life.
We can morph anything into a comfort or reward if we try hard enough (even a bath can be used this way)
On the occasion I do really enjoy that down time and I am unsure wether I will ever give it up all together but I feel the intention of how we use it is important.
I agree Sarah it’s the intention that carries the weight of the impact it has on us. This intention guides me as to what I’ll actually select and these days there is something quite inspirational in the programs key message.
Yes Sandra, I am so picky now, I either like interesting true stories or really light comedy but I have kids so kids movies are probably my favourite because often the messages are very sweet.
Yes I loved the movie UP, hilarious and very good reflection of how most of us live our lives, disappointed we didn’t have our pictures of how it should be met and actually missing the gold that was right in front of us.
Well said, Sarah. It is not the what we are doing that needs scrutiny but the how. As in our intention when we do anything. Being really honest (not critical) with ourselves is key here – it can be playful self-discovery rather than judgement and critique.
Great insights into the draw of the TV mark. I alo grew up with the TV being on most of the time, although it was mostly sport which was watched in my house I was guilty of checking out in front of the TV too. I began to get bored with TV about five years ago and eventually gave it away after spending an entire Christmas period watching slushy Christmas films which made me feel emotional! I don’t miss TV at all anymore, and I agree, it’s not so much about giving something up but embracing more of life and realising that there is so much more, not only out there, but inside of us too. Life opens up considerably when the TV no longer dominates the corner of the room doesn’t it!
‘it’s not so much about giving something up but embracing more of life and realising that there is so much more, not only out there, but inside of us too.’ So true Sandra when my TV stopped working last year I realised I didn’t miss it at all because I was so much more engaged with life and I no longer needed TV to distract me.
Years ago my TV broke down and I started an experiment with myself. No new TV for a while. First see what happens instead. I actually didn’t really miss my TV. Many other things occurred, whether seeing my friends more or calling them, be with me whilst doing some indoor errands like cleaning, ironing or other things that need to be done. When I feel I want to watch something, I need to take an effort: consider what I want to see, select it on missed programs on my laptop or go through the lots of movies. Often I end up not watching anything. The habit of not watching TV is now more ingrained behaviour now than watching TV with one click away from the world of series coming into my living room.
Pretty much my story Caroline. For me it happened when I moved out of my parents home to study. I did not get a TV and was surprised I didn’t miss it at all. Now four years later I still do not have a TV and I love it. I also find the same with sometimes feeling to watch something but after having looked at the trailers of some movies I actually already feel like having had enough…
Your words remind me Mark that choosing to be present and enjoy my own company is like choosing to watch Channel Love. So many things in a day can be challenging us to reach for the remote and flick to an alternative station. But no matter the shows and entertainment playing there, I know today it is just harm that comes when I choose to tune out from me.
How often do we get caught up in our various forms of distraction, even when we know it isn’t doing us any good! We can be very stubborn about resisting any information that tells us that everything we come up with to indulge in won’t make a scrap of difference – the undealt with stuff will still be there waiting for us once we pause for a moment. No wonder stress, depression and anxiety are so common in our world. Well done Mark – the changes you have made are obviously making a difference in your life and I bet there are many around you who are also enjoying the flow on effect. Who knows how many others you have inspired to make difference choices in their own lives??
Just to add . . . changing a habit without understanding why you are choosing it in the first place is like killing the messenger because you do not want to hear the message. Bringing the understanding and the awareness to it exposes it for what it is so that it no longer has a hold on you. As Mark has clearly outlined here what we are often attempting to avoid is usually not as bad as what we do to ourselves in the process to avoid it
Hi Mark, I love the process that you have shared here; the listing of all the effects that watching TV was having on you. I remember when I was struggling to give up cigarettes many years ago how I applied a similar process. It really is about bringing awareness to the distraction or habit and once the awareness is there it is very hard to continue as it turns the whole thing around and exposes the habit in a way that it loses its hook or its hold on you altogether.
Great blog in exposing that TV is an addition and that it does have harmful effects whether its adults or children watching, mainly that of dropping our awareness.
Great blog Mark, there is so much time wasted on watching TV. I loved your list of TV D’s, they were an accurate reflection and very relevant to my own situation.
Your self responsibility and wise choices are an inspiration, thank you.
Over 25 years ago I gave up smoking and then when I once had another puff of a cigarette I almost choked and felt how harmful and smelly it was and how horrible it tasted – I had not noticed those things so strongly before. When I gave up TV I had a similar experience and became more and more aware of how harmful the vast majority of it is.
I have found over the years that when I give myself an opportunity to feel what I am like without some thing, I can truly appreciate the affects it has and all the reasons why I chose it in the first place, come to the surface. Then it is easy to let go of.
It’s about time the TVD’s were outed! The addiction to the telly is not given anywhere near enough exposure…it’s like we make all these recommendations for children, 2 hours a day and so on, but do not apply this to adults?! I’ve always loved engaging with the media, ‘tuning in’ I’d call it, yet more and more I find it less and less of relevance. But
I still get caught up occasionally watching a series with my kids, it’s like there is an insidious package that can’t be complete unless you get to the end! Generally though, I’m glad I’ve mostly kicked the habit because you are right when you describe its ill effects and no doubt I’ll be reconsidering my choice to watch next time. Thank you, Mark. Participating in life is far more preferable than watching reinterpretations of it.
As I read this I hear the cries of a TV in the background. The sound is nothing but noise, I hear no love, not truth and no stillness. I hear only energy which is designed to stimulate, take people on a mental journey, make people feel certain emotions. It really is sucking the life out of people BIG time.
Yes, I agree Harrison, most TV programs, ads, sounds effects etc are designed to illicit certain emotions and reactions. It is not just a case of numbing but actually programming people. There may be a reason they call them TV programs!
I can also put myself in the same camp as you have Mark, having medicated a great deal in my life with TV. It was like my comfort blanket when I was a child and then into adulthood was an easy way to ‘switch off’ from the day, from anything really. Today I very rarely watch TV and surprisingly enough I don’t miss it at all. I do like to watch a movie from time to time, but there isn’t a feeling of numbing or checking out, it can now be, and is for pleasure.
Just recently, dinner was being prepared and the little guy next to me asked if we could have a ‘watching-eating-dinner’ because he was tired. I said no and had him sit down at the table with me to eat. After a while of some silence, he began the most extraordinary conversation, where he surmised that time was in fact going around in a loop. And along with the deep appreciation for such wisdom from someone so young, I also said to myself, how could we ever have considered watching TV during dinner before, look at what we would have missed. Thank God for no TVs in the house, life feels so much sweeter.
Thank you for sharing this Shirley-Ann. I feel the same way when I read Mark’s blog. It is so open that it offers me the very loving opportunity to be honest where I may and still can use other activities or thoughts in my life that keep me from evolving.
I love how you say a safe platform to view with fresh eyes, awareness and may I add an open heart.
I totally agree with you, Shirley-Ann. Not only what is being said, but how it is said and how this space is held feels very supportive and nurturing, and offers me a lot to be inspired about and accept the possibilities of how else I could have made my choices in many ways with no self-critique.
I have a few comfort things in my life that still need to be let go and TV is one of them. I kid myself that it is essential to keep up with what is happening in the world but even watching the News if I am honest is checkout time.
From my experience television is an intimacy killer. We don’t have a TV in our house and every night when my flat mate and I are home, we sit down, often share a meal and talk. Each day brings a deeper level of intimacy as we do not have the distractions that so many households have.
Love it Donna. We sold our tv nearly a year ago. What I noticed was that the sounds of outside could be heard inside, like birds or the wind blowing in the trees. It was just so lovely to have these sounds back. Also, there was no competition with the tv to have a conversation, especially if someone else was watching it and I was talking with another person.
Sometimes I like to watch a good detective story with a tidy ending where the crime is solved and the murderer is taken away. Or I watch a house being built with awesome results after a long struggle. I used to read loads of romantic fiction – and that was always tidily resolved after a long struggle. This probably says more about my need to have everything resolved whereas life isn’t really like that – there is always an ongoing scene, nothing is ever finished, we are always evolving to the next stage. We cannot stop. TV isn’t real, it is simply a distraction.
Hahaha, love your distractions Carmel – justifying them but not defending them. Your approach looks like a gentle way to wean yourself of TV… a bit of entertainment here and there without completely trashing yourself until you can let it go completely.
Exactly Susan, TV is a perfect way to get entangled into any story with our mind and by that being able to look away from what is happening in our lives. Just like switching the channel from reality to distraction.
There was a time that I was quite ill for a couple of years and severely debilitated. Tv became my refuge. There was not much I could do and not many people I would see. The days were long and I had no idea of how to actually be with myself. I ended up watching many hours of TV both in the day and the nighttime. From that time I came to recognise how easy it is to trade in life for TV. It was a great remedy for the feeling of emptiness and loneliness and it took me away from the reality of my everyday situation. This is what TV offers; an escape from reality, a moment of not having to deal with life and/or ourselves.
Well said Carolien. I watched TV the other day because a friend of mine was on the breakfast show and I can relate, it sucks you in, you feel informed, you have the impression to meet people and you get to see what is going on in the world – you think. But truth is the TV world is a far cry from what the real world offers. And even though the real world has a certain intensity to it that we need to learn to deal with, it also holds the key to love and joy and our connection to God.
‘And so resolve must be consistent’ – it can be so easy to let old behaviours and patterns sneak back in to the routine. It is great to hear how your commitment and awareness have supported you to not let them in. A great reminder of the power and simplicity of choice.
I don’t watch the telly at home at all anymore but switched the telly on at work the other night, whilst doing the ironing and was drawn into a program on midwives. I found it fascinating but I was also aware that I had allowed myself to get sucked right into the telly box and so when I needed to turn it off it was quite difficult to force myself to do it and I was aware that I felt quite off kilter.
The TV is solely responsible for disrupting the natural rhythm of so many peoples lives. How many people’s bed time is governed by the telly? We go to bed, not when we’re tired but when our program has finished or, even worse once we’ve woken up from falling asleep on the couch in front of the telly!
My TV watching I once would have described as ‘ me time’ but if I look back it was ‘check out time’ with no connection to anyone or anything around just getting willingly lost in a program, connection without any true connection. There is such an opportunity for TV to evolve us not numb us.
Hello Merrilee and I can relate. You sit down together to watch TV, it sort of doesn’t make sense. Physically you sit together but you really don’t talk to each other, maybe laugh or discuss issues about the show you are watching. I stopped going to the cinema years ago for a number of reasons but one was I couldn’t see the sense in going to a place with people but not actually talking to them. My new ‘TV’ is the world around me now and I tune into it every day, so many channels to see and learn from, it’s the best and I’m not even on a contract and no one can take the remote.
I agree Raymond, I also found TV or movies a strange way to social with people. And I love this . . . “My new ‘TV’ is the world around me now and I tune into it every day, so many channels to see and learn from, it’s the best and I’m not even on a contract and no one can take the remote.” . . . and furthermore in my ‘new TV’ I can choose what energy is playing me, am I being love or am I choosing to be less than love so in any given moment it gives me the opportunity to tune in deeper to feel whether or not I am playing my part in the fullest possible way.
My new ‘TV’ is the world around me now and I tune into it every day, so many channels to see and learn from, it’s the best and I’m not even on a contract and no one can take the remote. I absolutely love this Raymond, playful and truly lived, as it is so felt here.
I love what you say about our choices not being about giving up something but about saying yes to who we truly are. When we do this it feels like an awakening and our body comes alive. When we choose to do what feels true and allow the other choices to fall away it opens up space for us to do all that is required plus more.
Kids today in prams have I pads or phones to play with! What is the saying old people say ‘I just don’t know where the youth of today get these ideas’… that will be us, when we get older. TV is getting easier to not watch with the advent of media streaming there is a plethora of stuff to watch any where all of the time. Too much of any good thing soon sours and TV is no exception… 99% of what is on offer is rubbish. The weather for the day for how to dress and if there are any delays on the roads to work is in the 1%. I have spent my time planted in front of the tube for many years. I had my smokes a drink and the tube, life was great now just leave me alone. Today there is no smokes or drinks. I don’t know my home phone number its only for the internet. Computers and phones are just necessary tools that are now part of life but I’m not chained to them. Technology is meant to make our life’s easier and not be the ball and chain they have become.
Reading this blog this morning I connected with that moment the thought comes in about watching tv, to notice how I am. I may be feeling a little pressured to get the check list attended to in my day and where there is a choice to just take a moment and appreciate how committed I am and how much I do get done, take a rest and renew my connection to my body, there is also a choice there to just want to ‘check out’ and can often be accompanied by a little voice stating “I deserve it” or something some other meaningless excuse such as “why not? “. Such thoughts really are meaningless but underneath is a greater belief that it is hard work to remain consciously present in what I am doing and that checking out is easier. It is important to expose this, because it is an ill conceived and false belief, based on a whole conditioned way of living, thinking what is comfortable is easy, when it is actually much more draining.
Hello Doug and I can imagine a lot of people reacting to having no TV or even the thought of not having TV to tune into. As you are saying there is a very natural progression to this, life changes. TV appears to lock us in to a mode of thinking or living that doesn’t appear to serve us and maybe even gets in the way. We believe TV is a relaxing thing or a way to do something together but as Mark indicates it has been the opposite. TV is more and more looking like a time waster, it can literally take the whole day away. Thanks Doug.
Hello Mark and great blog. As you were saying for me TV was something I had just done, it was the way I grew up and so I didn’t even question it. I remember especially at night or a day off you would find me in front of the TV. There are many other things to do that TV can soak the time up and prevent you from doing. Not to mention the physical effect it can have on your body. For me TV can throw out you rhythm and make you more tired and I’m not sure why I ever related it to being relaxing because it’s the opposite.
I haven’t had the time to watch TV lately, and taking such a break from it has been great. I realised that my desire to switch it on has gone and felt just how addictive it can be.
I was sitting in a waiting room the other day where the TV was running and it completely sucked me in. It is hard to not look at it, and the screens fill whole walls these days… I had to literally unglue myself.
So many use TV to end the day, to have me-time, down-time etc. but the irony is that watching TV actually takes us away from ourselves and those around us.
So true Carolien, watching TV is not ‘me-time’ at all, but feels to be more like ‘not-having-to-be-me’ time if we use it to escape from our lives!
Thank you Mark for sharing so honestly about your TV addiction, one i know too well myself. To add to your very relatable D’s I also found that turning on the Tv will be the start of a negative spiral. After a while I will crave a snack, from that I will then over eat, and then stay up much later then I wanted to or as you say not get done what I had felt to do before. I am very aware of the fact that what is on TV actually doesn’t feel great and even though I use it to not feel (either that I am tired or something is coming up, or that I feel so amazing I do not know what to do with myself) I still have to go deeper into distraction to not feel what I am watching at the time.
I remember when I worked in retail, and at the end of each day I would turn the music off, and my body would literally sing a huge sigh of relief. It was home. It had space to breathe and just be. It is incredible how imposing music, tv, etc can be even when we are not fully engrossed in it.
Yes Jenny, I know that one too – I work in retail and the constant music is like an assault on the body. I observed there is music that is really intense, where I really need to focus on my own rhythm, music that is kind of okay and then there is Glorious Music – that lets you be.
A beautiful honest sharing Mark that really highlights modern day addictions that are considered a normal way to live. What a great presentation of what is happening how we are living and the true livingness we can really be and live.
The “T.V.‘D’s ” you mention are spot on, there are so many reasons not to watch TV. I have used TV for years as a way to check out and to attempt to not feel the tension I have felt in my body…The more present I have become the more I have naturally not wanted to watch TV, to actually observe and clock what is occurring, the stories, the untruths and the often imposing emotional story lines and rehash of historical events have stopped me wanting to watch it, there is much that does not feel true there and much that dumps a whole lot of emotions in to the world. TV can be different, it can have a true purpose and inspire but currently what is on often rarely fulfils this brief. I am reclaiming space to find other tasks to enjoy, music, bathing, sewing, writing, cuddling and talking , not in any order, are wonderfully supportive and fun and engaging and I feel more able to sleep a restful sleep in the evening when I choose something other than TV.
‘…to actually observe and clock what is occurring, the stories, the untruths and the often imposing emotional story lines and rehash of historical events…’ This has been significant for me too Samantha. Noticing what is going on behind the facade of entertainment, the emotionally hooking stories and dramatisation of past events to create more of a sensation and shift the onus of truth. It is very interesting once we start to observe instead of watch anything in life.
Absolutely I agree, “Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. ” Life is enriched, deepened and feels more whole when we choose to let go of habits that do not support us. There is no denial or sense of being less or having less, it is the exact opposite.
I have been feeling more the effect on my eyes since reading your blog mark, including interacting with a computer screen and how when I engage and bring more of myself into expression it feels quite different than when passively receiving with a tv screen.
It’s interesting that we call the main room in our house that has the TV the ‘living room’, when it is more like the ‘zone out’ room or the disconnect room.
Yes Jenny, we can use music and tv to fill a void, and yet when we take the time to connect inside, it is so beautiful to just be.
Great point, well spotted Matthew!
Hello Matthew and I agree the rooms of our house mean many different things. Our house has a designated ‘cinema room’ as many more are doing now, a room especially for the TV. I see that many houses now have multiple TV’s and you can even get them on your fridge and oven splash back now, pretty cool you may say but where are we going with this. TV on your phone on your watch in your car and it goes on. You can’t beat a family dinner at the table, no TV, no separate times just all together chatting about the day.
Amazing Ray, gosh I miss this “You can’t beat a family dinner at the table, no TV, no separate times just all together chatting about the day.” I remember when family was about family and the joy of the day, even just doing simple things like making lunches, brushing teeth, getting ready for bed etc, but now most of that time is consumed by TV, because it is on in the background. Most peoples morning rituals have become 1: get up, 2: make coffee, 3: Turn on the TV…
Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. I love this line Mark, as I have found this also. So when I feel a reaction coming, I know I’m resisting choosing to be all of me.
I know exactly what this is like Mark – you wake up and plan all the productive things you can get done that day, come downstairs, have a staring competition with the TV and agree that you need some ‘rest’ so will kick your feet up for an hour or two.. Or a whole day! My weekends used to be exactly like this, however I’m so pleased to say that checking out by watching TV is now a thing of the past!! When I started valuing my life – real life! – as more important that any false story or entertainment from TV everything changed. Although I sometimes can distract myself reading a book or occasionally watching a film, it is amazing to feel so engaged with real life, rather than virtual reality life!
Too much TV used to hurt my eyes too, it was a very blatant sign that I should give the old gogglebox a rest. It is so clear the signs we get in this regard, it was the same when I had music in my ears with headphones, my ears would start to get sore and I wouldn’t feel as clear in my head. These days I am much less likely to override those feelings as the discomfort is much more loudly coming through to me. But it has always been there, the wisdom of the body really is incredible and it pays handsomely to not ignore it.
I love your open and upfront honesty in this blog Mark. Once we recognise our behaviours that are self-abusive it’s so easy to want to hide them from a feeling of shame…(well at least I do!). The fact that you are able to share exactly how excessive TV has affected you opens the door for others to become more honest with themselves about the choices they make. (I include myself in that!)
This is fabulous Doug. No cold turkey for you! Just a natural progression into a different way of living.
“When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.”, I have been so much more aware when I am choosing to be all that I am, I just get on with what needs to be done. If at any point I stop choosing all that I am, the distractions and numbing creeps in, it becomes very obvious as I become so tired.
What surprises me is how watching the tv can actually change your mood. It’s so easy to go from being active to feeling lethargic and withdrawn after watching the tv, it’s as though it zaps your vitality.
Mark I’ve returned to say that since reading your blog I have gone cold turkey and my movie addiction is beaten too. Such is the power of so openly and honestly sharing our truth with others. Our lived experiences are what truly inspire others.
Wow Jeannette, this is so great, what a big inspiration you are. It just shows how we all inspire each other, without even knowing it most of the time. It just shows the love you have for yourself, the love for yourself and humanity. You rock!
It seems in life all too often we are content to sit back and passively receive the images that are fed to us rather than live from a point of actively engaging with the world around and within us. The key to life, as I am finding, is to be able to live in absolute conscious presence in all that we do. This requires a certain activity within us and cannot happen if we are just passively receiving that which we are being fed. Bombarding ourselves with distractions like TV can only delay the mastering of this.
Tv is an outside distraction away from the inner activity you describe Liane, a medium which currently exists to remind us that life is all about ‘outer activity’ and that ‘inner activity’ is not the norm, it should be. We are all divine inside.
We have to be aware that TV feeds us similar to food. The quality of what is delivered through this medium has a certain impact on us, especially if we check out and let it flood our mind.
Exactly Sonja. What I have discovered is that watching TV in the evening makes me racy and staying up much longer than I normally would. After that I observed it more closely and discovered that it does not matter at which time of the day I watch TV, the result is always the same: agitation.
Although I have not owned or watched television for years now I used to when I was younger. What I find interesting now is that when we went on family holidays we never had a television to watch while we were away and we never missed it at all yet we did not ask the question, why is television watching part of our lifestyle or choices in our day to day life.
Great point Michael and I remember as a child going away on holidays with no TV, it was great. We would spend more time as a family talking and playing different things, it definitely bought us closer. As a child then you followed what your parents did and I wonder if this is true for why we watch so much TV now as it was just something we did. I look at the explosion of TV as well. At times you were lucky to have 1 in the house and now it’s unusual to not have multiple and even in the car.
I gradually gave up TV over a period of a few years. I realised how much time i was wasting and became more aware of how certain programmes would make me feel heavy or depressed or overstimulated and that would linger on after the programme had finished. Since I have stopped watching TV, I now wonder how I managed to fit 3 or 4 hours of viewing into my daily schedule.
Addictions, whether they be substance abuse, ill behaviours, sports, entertainment etc… exist to form a ‘buffer’ between us and the outside world. This can only happen when we see ourselves as living separate to the Whole that we are an inextricable part of. In this fragmented state, we seek that which keeps us fragmented and distanced in order to afford us an excuse for our departure from the Oneness of all things. In-truth, there is no ‘inside’ and ‘outside’, there is only energy that freely passes in and through us regardless of the structures we put in place to seemingly stop this. When we live the love that we are, no buffer is needed for we need not recoil from that which we are not, when we live the fullness of that which we truly are. Our goal here on Earth is to live in such a way that our external environment begins to reflect the truth we choose to live within. In doing so, our breath is no longer impeded by the energetic walls we erect to keep ourselves separate from all others. Together we return to our One true breath that holds all equal; the in-breath and out-breath of God. We let love in, we let love out.
Beautiful to read Liane, especially the last sentence I could feel the repose and motion in and out. Simple.
Saying ‘yes’ to who we are, is saying ‘no’ to who we are not. This is true evolution and these sort of yes’s need to resound from deep within in order to get the ball rolling in returning to who we truly are. All you share here Mark is testament to this, thank you.
I agree Liane and love the grounded way Mark brings this as he says, “Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.” Amen to that.
What you are alluding to here Mark, is more than watching tv, but a whole way of living, holding back the true light and love of our being which is what we are here to offer each other and at its most devastating, giving up on ourselves and on the whole of mankind, which only buries the pain we are attempting to numb deep within us. All your observations about watching tv, obviously gleamed while doing it, demonstrate the truth that we can never really switch off and sooner of later what we bury must come out in one shape of form or another.
I have really come to notice just how de-motivating TV actually is. It seems to sap all my enthusiasm and vitality for life. So surely the job now is for me to begin an exploration in to what draws or leads me to that point where I seek to watch TV? What are the details of the circumstances that create a desire in me to become de-motivated and lacking in vitality? It’s a big ouch to swallow. But well worth the investigation, because I know that what I will ultimately find is a greater more sensitive relationship both with myself and with my family.
Wow Mark I loved to read Your blog and Your observation and how You present it with the T.V.D’s – I was also watching a lot of TV till my mid twenties…then I travelled to Mexico and did not have a TV and really rarely watched something on the Computer…I lost more and more interest as life became fuller…since I’ve started with the Way of the Livingness and being a student it stopped completely…I would not have time…so actually I turned it completely around. – now it’s clear why I was so de-motivated and so apathetic…I was just functioning and couldn’t wait to escape into the movies and fantasies, pictures that were presented on TV…escaping of what I was feeling, not knowing how to be with me in my comany. I was totally overextended. So it happend that my life passed like a movie…pretty numb – well yes there was a lot of sadness. I started enjoying life and being with me…taking care of me…of course it is a continuing process which unfolds and deepens and I am absolutely so grate-full for where I am and willing to walk the way and make my life one of true Service. Thank You for sharing this so clearly. With love and lots of appreciation. Nadine
Mark thanks for your blog, it’s such a great subject. I used to really enjoy zoning out in front of the telly, preferably with a big plate of food! I chose programs that wouldn’t make me think at all, programs about people’s lives mainly. I loved to watch telly by myself because then I could slip gracefully into a coma without being disturbed !
I used to be the same Alexis, I loved settling in and watching TV most nights of the week. I didn’t even know what it would mean to not watch TV every night. I have a very different life now, one that is purposeful and engaging. I watch a movie from time to time, but it is for enjoyment and not to check out of life.
Using the words ‘TV addiction’ demonstrates how damaging our relationship with TV can be. It puts it up there with all the other addictive substances that can harm our health greatly. It should come with a health warning!
I agree Rebecca, I feel TV addition is widely spread and not recognised as such because it has become such a common thing to do in life and the harm is not at all recognised as long as checking out and withdrawn are still seen as relaxation.
I love this blog Mark and your sharing with such honesty about your Tv addiction and distraction to living life as who you really are . This is so important to see and shows another way to live where making loving choices simply frees us of all the non loving choices we make. This is a gift to us all as we learn these distractions from childhood and they merge in to other things rather than go away unless we change how we feel about ourselves and the purpose and honouring of who we are. Beautiful.
Since I have cut my own TV use down to a bare minimum, it has freed me up to do things that matter. In fact, I don’t really miss it at all. Watching TV is not fulfilling or supportive to our evolution,, and it only ever relaxed me by numbing me, life without it is alive!
I agree Mark, to say yes to who we really are is true medicine.
“Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.” Beautiful said Mark, this feels true to me too as trying to give up behaviours because someone has told me has never worked, but when I come from who I truly am than my life is changing without trying and behaviours just disappear as a honouring and celebration of who I am instead.
I love that line to Nico. Saying yes to who I truly am has meant discarding many, and I mean MANY, behaviours that were actually keeping me from feeling my truth, keeping me in hiding from sharing it with others and keeping me stuck in the pains of the past. It is so has been so liberating that now I look out for said behaviours and when one rears its head I am overjoyed at the opportunity to discover a new depth of the love I am. I highly recommend breaking old non-serving patterns!
This line of yours is absolute gold Mark and worth repeating -‘Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.’ – such an awesome reminder thank you.
Anna a great reminder indeed, I noticed how much more full I feel the next day after choosing a more supportive way to goto bed i.e. without watching a TV Show. Rather than looking at what it means to “give up” i can see this as saying yes to what is true. A more powerful way to approach it.
Indeed a great reminder Anna and it offers a different approach. Instead of telling ourselves we cannot do it anymore (which in my book always made it more tempting) it offers the space to observe what it is we are choosing and why we make that choice. from the awareness a different choice can come with love and care instead of imposed by willpower.
Mark thank you for such a beautifully honest blog about your tv addiction, although I am not interested in tv watching I can feel how this blog can relate to anything in our lives that we use to distract ourselves with and stop a true connection with ourselves or others, whether it be Facebook, or any sort of technology or even food or creating a drama to focus on.
Thank you Mark. So great to describe how TV can become just another addiction and a way to distract ourselves from life.
This is great Mark! I love what you say at the end about – …”not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.”. It’s easy to look at ‘giving things up’ rather than supporting ourselves. It is such an simpler framework when we come back to ‘what is honouring, nurturing and supportive of my body right now?’. When we have been disregarding ourselves for a long time, it can take some time to make the change from our old ways or patterns to those that truly support. It’s a great process as you describe here Mark of writing down the ways that an example such as TV does not support you as a reminder each time you go to make the choice. We are constantly presented with the choice to be more honouring of ourselves, we just need to re-learn what those choices are sometimes.
‘Although that’s not great, it is better for me to make changes that are true for me, rather than to change a behaviour because someone else does.’ It has to come from us first doesn’t it? Or else it is just a discipline and not really a natural choice and therefore we won’t sustain it. No matter what it is.
A great topic of discussion Mark. Tv for me was seen as some kind of reward at the end of a hard day or when I was feeling a little down, the thought of watching a romantic movie with a happy ending would really get the excitement going. All I was really doing was distracting me from addressing the issue of why I needed to do that and what it gave me, and the empty feeling after the movie was very short lived.
Wow Mark, what a great blog and great topic to talk about as it is the backbone of many peoples lives now, is the good old TV. It is so normal that most of us do not even consider that its time wasting nature can also be creating an unnecessary complexity in our lives. A complexity alone that can leave us feeling drained as it is an overriding of our truth and our love, let alone the added draining nature of the actual watching of the TV itself.
‘Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.’ Beautifully said Mark Payne. Focusing on the activity or substance and thinking the absence of this is going to truly change anything is crazy. It is our relationship with ourselves and from there all else that is asking to be addressed that is the key.
Awesome blog Mark. TV does offer some great programs and documentaries that we can get informed about but in excess, it is such a big distraction. I love your TVD’s list… totally spot on
Great comment Katie. It would be a shocking number of hours I would think. But so awesome to be aware of how draining and harmful this form of distraction is.
Thank you Mark for sharing your experience. TV addiction is a wide issue, what you’ve shared is brilliant as it provides more awareness to us with regards to the harmful effects. I used to think sitting down to watch a movie with someone is spending time with them. This later I realised was so untrue, as there was no interaction, no eye contact and no conversation with the other person, we were definitely not connecting at all, therefore we were deeply disconnect from one another. TV helps keep people in separation, disconnection and allows us to zone out to the reality of our world, our life and people.
It always seems like a nice idea, settling down in front of a fire and a film, and snuggling up close to one another, and often it is. But sometimes at the end of it you cannot help but feel like you’ve wasted a great deal of time, when hours in the day are short, there is not often the chance to sit and connect truly with one another. It is when the distraction becomes more than the true connection that we have suffered and lost out.
Yes, Jenny, it is the wasting of time that gets me, that many opportunities have been lost in all the hours spent sitting doing nothing in front of a screen. I feel that the more present and gentle I am with myself throughout the day, the less inclined I feel to check out with tv or social media.
I have had that feeling Jenny, like I have spent time with someone but haven’t seen them and feel a little ripped off. When I take the kids to see a movie after I want to see them but then the day is over and it’s too late.
I find this with going to the cinema too,’ I used to think sitting down to watch a movie with someone is spending time with them. This later I realised was so untrue, as there was no interaction, no eye contact and no conversation with the other person’, if I went with friends to watch a film it didn’t really feel like quality time with them as we would be so hooked into the movie and I would often be mesmerised afterwards so would not truly connect then, this feels very different to being with someone with no distraction like a movie or t.v, just enjoying being together.
I can feel for me addictions such as to social media come as a way of not dealing with the tensions I am feeling in life. Its a way to avoid what’s going on and often a substitute for a lack of connection to myself and to others.
I’ve noticed people have different relationships with tv, and it affects their behaviour in varying ways. It can for instance be quite mesmerising – whereby they may have only popped into the room to mention something but it’s as though the screen, with its moving pictures, has cast a spell that makes it very difficult to pull away! We’ve laughed about it but the effect is quite marked!
Rosanna, I too have noticed how mesmerising t.v can be, particularly for children, recently I went iceskating with a group of children, there was a big t.v screen on one side, I was helping a 5 year old skate, he was really focussed and doing well until we got in front of the t.v and every time he would get lost in the t.v and lose focus on what he was doing, even forgetting he was on the ice and fall over. And with my son he will be playing and laughing and then if there is a screen he stops and stares and I can’t even talk to him, he is completely hooked in.
I can totally relate to this blog as I have used TV my whole life as a relief and medication to how I was living life. I would say it was ‘my own time’, or ‘winding down’ but it did neither. In my own time I feel more connected with myself – this didn’t happen when watching TV – I would feel more distant and numbed almost. And I never felt ‘wound down’ as my eyes and brain had been working hard (nervous system) and I felt heavy and dulled. I love how you made the choice here Mark to make choices which truly honor you and how this first started with choosing to see and feel the ones which were not – and this included TV.
Maybe TV programs will change One day. Instead of presenting the garbage that they do these days, with programs designed to stimulate people, allow people to ‘check out’, entertainment and drama, sensationalist news, ‘personalities’ etc etc… we will have true news, true reporting, Shows like “Natalie, with Love“, people giving presentations on real life things, true educational learning, everyday miracles and connections, music and films from the SOUL and interviews with people that really make a difference (not just those who are famous and get recognition for what they do) we should be interviewing people about their jobs and showcasing in simple terms how this is contributing to the society we run, we should be appreciating people like Nurses, Mathematicians, town planners, scientists, bus drivers, teachers. Brotherhood that we naturally should be living as mankind.
Yes Harrison it is such a powerful media and what a difference it makes when it switches you on instead of switching you off, so great point you are making.
Harrison this is truly inspirational and TELE-VISIONary 🙂
So true Harrison, there is in fact nothing wrong with the medium TV, it is just that our relationship with it and the quality and intension we use it for is not loving nor true. If we would have programs that support and inspire us, and give us a reflection of what is truly going on in the world, it would be completely different. When TV is used for truth, and is about people and not money, it would make a huge difference.
Yes great call Harrison and maybe you should kick off this change as well, “Harrison” could be the name of the show. I could have one that has already been named, “Everybody loves Raymond”, classic. It is true what you are saying in that with the awareness that is there TV needs to changes it’s channel and ‘we’ could do that. I look forward to the day TV, like newspapers return to a real form of media between people. Thanks Harrison.
haha Raymond this is hilarious! “Everybody loves Raymond” is welcome on my channel.
I love the angle that your taking here Harry, I for one think that TV and film are great mediums to share things with each other. I recently watch a German short documentary style film about the work this amazing woman is doing in an Airport over in Germany, I was very touched by this. I do believe that there is a place for TV, its true that there is not much quality viewing out there at the moment but I always seem to come across something that lights me up and we can all be a part of making change.
Totally agree Sarah, and then the configuration of how we have TV in our homes would completely change — we will probably go back to having one TV in the house that gets watched occasionally, instead of having one in every room so it’s in every possible sight.
It would be awesome if TV changed to be more an inspiration for life, rather than a distraction away from it. As a medium that almost everyone in the world uses, it has such huge capacity to actually share truth and support people to learn and actually make true change.
Television is a great example how it can take over you, how there are many things that if we allow them they become all consumable. This addiction is a state of being that is on a high from something other than themselves. The fix gives you a complete false satisfaction. What if there is a way of being where by you are completely satisfied with who you are with out any stimulants or drugs? The Way of the Livingness as presented by Serge Benhayon is the only thing that has shown me a true path of return to who I truly am and I have found a place of completeness that I never new was possible.
It is interesting the addiction. I notice I reach for my phone out of habit. There is a constant anxiety that I am living in and any free moment I have I turn to my phone in anxiousness to check my emails or to check Facebook. Its in a worry of is there anything I need to be doing but in this state I actually don’t get anything done.
This is such a great point Katie – if they are seeking the ‘me time’, then where were they if they weren’t with themselves during the day?
Television has become one of the major distractions for western society; it certainly does distract us from what is going on underneath our noses in life that we don’t want to face. Many of the social interactions I notice in life are between people discussing tv programs – people can seem to mix up tv with reality. Reality tv shows are far but about reality.
Its also interesting the size of TV’s they have increased as our pace of life and anxieties have increased. TV screens used to be small and not the central thing in a room now they are huge and everything in the room is set up around that. People have stopped facing each other and are facing the screens.
Gina that is so true, and I was a complete TV Addict. Even today as someone that does not watch much TV the odd information show can still grip me to see the next episode. A fascinating science and proof of addiction to something that appears on the TV screen in front of you. Yet many conversations about the TV shows then occur, what if we spoke about how we truly felt or what was going on with our body or relationships as much as we do TV?
It is so true what you are saying Mark – if we give up something because we think we should, or others are doing it, it never works because it is not coming from a true desire to do it for ourselves. It absolutely does feel like a tremendous effort, as you say. Better to take the time with it, understand what is behind the distraction or addiction. Then it lasts and is from a loving gesture. Awesome read, thank you.
Exactly Gina it really does not work doing something because someone else said so. It really is so so important to feel everything for ourselves and then when it is time to let something go that does not serve you to be love it slips away rather than the mental willful use of mind over matter sort of thing. Though it is a chicken and egg situation as in the end you do need to use your will to start new choices but the point is I have only been able to do these fully when I love myself enough to not want to harm myself anymore. Then I can step up and make loving choices.
A super honest blog Mark I’m sure millions of people can relate to, I used to watch hours of tv every night when I got home from school, it was almost a set routine. Since starting to foster and develop my relationship with myself, the more I enjoy being simply with myself the less the need for the constant stimulation and distraction that tv provides. I found its never about TV, but about my relationship with myself first.
So true Meg. While I was reading your comment I was appreciating how I dropped watching TV in the evenings too. It happened without effort, my desire to watch movies simple dissipated as I chose to make more and more loving choices. Occasionally when I did sit down to watch a movie, I can really feel how empty and what a waste of time it is for me. It’s amazing that addictions can fall away so easily once we choose to be more loving and choose to connect to who we are, loving and cherishing ourselves in every way.
Exactly – we think to make big changes in our lives we need to be super strict and disciplined but addictions just fall away when we choose to love and cherish ourselves more and deal with what’s going on underneath.
I find this too Meg. The need for television lessens hugely when we begin to develop a relationship with ourselves. I now value spending time with myself much more over spending time watching TV, and that is something I would NEVER have said 2 or 3 years ago.
Yeah totally – I find the need for ANYTHING lessens hugely the more I build a relationship with myself. I love how you used the word value, I feel what we value, whether in ourselves or things externally like tv, has a huge effect on what we end up choosing. The more we value ourselves, the less time we spend distracting ourselves with other stuff like TV.
Nicely said Meg. We blame the TV for us watching it, even when we have the choice, it’s always the TV’s fault, not ours.
That’s true, it’s often the same for anything we are addicted to, we blame the thing rather than looking at what makes us need it.
Good questions to consider, Katie. And what is there to watch on tv that is more rewarding and enjoyable than being in relationship with ourselves and others?
The poor old telly has certainly taken a pasting from your blog Mark and all these great comments,I’m afraid at the moment to go into the lounge in case it sucks me back in. I try to limit my Television watching to just the Six o’clock news but even this is a real distraction and a way numbing out if I am to be honest.
It is a great point you make Mark that even when we quit one habit we have to be careful we don’t just replace it with another. In the case of TV for me, I don’t watch much anymore but the internet or social media can easily become the same thing if I do not stay aware of how I am feeling and why I am using it.
Great point Andrew, instead of mint double choc chip cookie ice cream it will be toned down to just plain vanilla!
Although I don’t watch TV per se, this point of ‘TV d’s that Mark has brought up was a timely one for me since just this week I realized how I had convinced myself (tricked myself, really) that watching some ‘educational’ or practical informational video on my computer was somehow better or not as harming as zoning out while watching TV. The truth is that I was using that as an excuse and really just using the computer video ( no matter how useful it may have been) to numb something that happened during the day and avoid feeling something that had come up for me. In addition, I noticed that sometimes at the end of the day I will have a feeling like what I did during the day deserved some kind of ‘reward’ and would use browsing the net to mentally get that ‘hit’. This is really just draining and a waste of time if done in this way and I thank Mark for bringing a greater understanding for me on what is truly going on with TV watching when we use it in this negative way.
Its interesting reading your comment Michael, ‘I noticed that sometimes at the end of the day I will have a feeling like what I did during the day deserved some kind of ‘reward’ and would use browsing the net to mentally get that ‘hit’. I have noticed that i can do this, for me it’s a feeling that I have done enough and i just want to check out now and be entertained and not have to feel what is going on at home/work etc..
I wonder whether in years to come watching television will come with government health warnings in amongst the ads regarding watching in an irresponsible manner.
This line is a pearl of wisdom Mark: “ when I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort.” It sure does very simply and quietly fall away. No fan-fare or mourning just a memory from the past that holds no emotional attachment, but in fact there is a sense of freedom that comes from letting something go that actually doesn’t truly support.
Mark definitely wrote a key line here – that rather than trying to force ourselves to change a habit which usually required willpower and denial or some kind, it has been far more effective and easy I could say for me to look at the reason underneath any habit or addiction. Any pretty much all of them come back to feeling an uneasiness around not being true to myself. So the more I have chosen to be me in life the need to distract or numb or bury lessens considerably and so the habits just stop without effort or trying or forcing or denial.
How funny that when we try to quit an addiction we often try to deny ourselves the thing we are addicted to but the underlying cause of the addiction is actually a denial of who we are. So we are trying to use denial to heal a denial! No wonder it never works!
I love the detailed way you became intimate with what was playing out for you with TV Mark. What a perfect antidote to the desire to numb and escape from life. By following your own path with this habit, and uncovering what was underneath you got to see the internal program that was playing on repeat.
Interesting how we refer to ‘giving up’ something which to me feels like we are making a sacrifice, being disciplined and using willpower to stop old habits that no longer serve us. When we are living in a more self-loving way, it becomes a simple choice to let go of our dependence on TV, food, sugar, alcohol and caffeine, because we no longer need them as stimulating or numbing devices.
Because most households have at least one TV and most people watch it then it slips under the radar and does not get seen for the insidious, evil, pollutant, toxic numbing agent that it is. It sits in the living room undetected by most but it streams consciousnesses into people’s lives that are designed to do nothing other than to slow down our evolution. If we banned the telly then people would wake up en mass, shaking their heads and wondering what the hell happened to all the evenings from the last 20 years !
TV addiction or TV dependency is a serious matter. What I find interesting is the space we allow it to fill in our lives and the fact that we may have the illusion that we may change and change channels all the time but this is not but a cover up for deep stagnation. In truth, nothing moves; nothing changes.
It is serious Eduardo but very little is done to address it. It is normal to put on the TV and just have it on in the background. It’s just like turning on the light in a room, so to do we just flick on the TV and not give it a second thought.
While reading your blog I had a sense of what I would comment on that – till this nearly last line came my way: “..letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.” That hit me, Mark! It is an overall truth you offer here, whilst TV watching is one specific under this aspect. To me this is a marker for my day and I can feel the love that I am reminded on to bring first to me and then I can truly bring it to others. Lovely blog*
Awesome article Mark exposing what we as a society are choosing when we sit down in front of the TV. And I just can’t stand to think of the adverse, and damaging effects these huge screens in our homes our having on our children.
Mark I love your TV ‘D’s – what a great way to keep bringing your awareness back to what was happening for you. I’ve found awareness and honesty the first steps in making a true and lasting change. I think I may stick some Food ‘D’s around my kitchen! I also love how you have made changes because they are about saying ‘yes’ to who you truly are. This reorientation of the usual ‘I’m giving something up’ allows for an expansion rather than a sense on contraction and in my experience is the key to lasting change.
“Letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.” I know the truth in this statement. In fact I have found that the only way to change any of my ingrained behaviours is to deepen my commitment to “saying ‘yes to who I truly am” because then the patterns that are contradictory to this naturally start to fizzle away.
“When I allowed myself to really become aware of the effects TV watching was having on me, I could feel that it was numbing my awareness and much more.” How I would love to see this sentence in big bold letters as headline news. This is a lived experience the whole world needs to hear.
I agree and oh how our children’s lives would be so much different without this external stimuli and it’s subconscious programming.
How true this is Kate, I work with preschoolers and they all talk about the characters and movies that they watch at home and they get very excited talking about them like they are real people and they want to be them. It’s all quite sad.
There is a picture somewhere of me at the age of 3 or 4 just standing in the middle of the living room staring at something off camera. My mother told me that I had been walking across the room, the TV was on, and I just stopped mid-stride, completely hooked.
I followed a very similar pattern to yours, Mark. I remember sitting in front of the television wracked with anxiety because I had a school project to complete, but I just could not seem to tear myself away. Or then there was the daily ritual of coming home every day after work to smoke pot and watch the Simpsons.
I stopped owning a TV several years ago, but I still have managed to get hooked into watching television series on my computer on many occasions. However, I have been feeling deeply how those “D”s affect me as well, and although I have reduced the amount of television I watch, I can feel that it is becoming a far smaller part of my life.
It is the little steps that count, appreciating along the way each time a choice is made towards a more loving life with yourself. These tiny yet highly significant steps actually make up the whole entire experience of being who you are, which is huge because this gives you a chance to really explore and learn.
A touching honest blog, Mark. On a topic that is one of the worldwide most common ways, for people of any age to distract and check out. As it was for me too. I love what you have written about your own rhythm to stop looking TV: “Although that’s not great, it is better for me to make changes that are true for me, rather than to change a behaviour because someone else does.” This shows a beautiful strength of yours within the difficult process of understanding and giving up on an addiction. Hats off for both. I like your conclusion and awareness to say: ” …it is not so much about giving up something, they are about saying “yes” to who I truly am…”
Binge watching a TV series was such a great way to drown out what was truly going on around and inside me…but it only ever drowned it out, it never sorted it out.
Isn’t that the effect we were more or less unconsciously looking for? To sort things out would be a way of taking responsibility in life. And watching TV diverts from this constant pull to go face the truth and deal with our stuff. Great point, Joel*
Watching TV teaches you that all that matters happens somewhere else but never in your body. It is an evil school that teaches you to forget about your body.
It is interesting how it can hook you..I know this too. Next day I always feel aweful. Since I am watching very little TV I even feel the slightest energy that comes through a TV program or a movie. Unbelievable how it wants to manipulate and pulls you out of you in a way…It definitely is a drug for the mind to check out.
…not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am…I love that phrase Mark. We always tend to see it as a NO, when we quit doing something, but actually it is a YES to us. How beautiful…I ´ll keep that in mind next time, something wants to seduce me.
I love that sentence too. It applies to anything and everything – a project, relationship, food… it really is a beautiful way to reflect on and confirm what we are choosing with love.
I was falling in love with this sentence too Steffi as it is packed with joy and lightness as to say YES to myself is such a wonderful and powerful purpose to live my life.
This is a great article, Mark. I know, for me, I have felt all the points you have made about watching TV, though I am not ready to let go of it just yet. I have cut down on the hours spent watching it because I am choosing more and more things that support me. Most notably food and tv were a great way for me to numb my body after having let go of cigarettes, drugs and alcohol. However, I am also starting to cut down on this habit too, as I can no longer eat sugar without coming out in a rash. How’s that for growing awareness? Truly amazing!
To call it an addiction changes everything. Because I reckon most people just flick on the telly and sit in front of it as a daily ritual, as a part of their winding down routine. When you consider the numbing effects of it, it can easily be said to be an addiction because it is no different from drugs or alcohol or anything else that take you away from being present and in your body and feeling everything.
Is it really part of the winding down routine? Or is it more, give a little satisfaction of feeling that I am in command of my life at the end of the day (hey, I can choose what channel to watch!)? How different is this to add sugar to sweetening life?
The word addiction is a game changer, I never thought of it like that until I cut right back and had what I can only liken to withdrawals.
I have not considered myself addicted to TV viewing, but over the past few days my TV is not picking up any stations, I have found out that even though I don’t watch much television I do miss the programs that I do watch, such as the news at night. I have found that less and less I have a want to watch many long running shows or documentaries or my favourite lifestyle programs of the past. This has been an interesting event and sometimes I have noticed that I used the TV as background noise, when it is too quiet as I live on my own..
This is so true Matk “letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am”. Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly.
I love this sentence as well Deborah – “letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am”.
I also love that quote, because it shows that life isn’t about giving things up or cutting things out, it’s simply about making choices that are right for you and who you are.
I gave up watching TV so may years ago that now it is not even a thought or a choice. It just isn’t a part of my life. I know I used to use it as a form of comfort and numbing, but ultimately it would make me feel sad and depressed. I much prefer to give my time to things that support me in my life and make me feel good.
Likewise, I do not even have a TV at home. And you know what? The kids do not even ask for one. I am totally out of this one. there is nothing that calls me to return there.
Thanks Mark, I love how you spell out all the TV ‘D’s. If we were visiting from another planet and got told that TV was going to make us feel dull, drained and distracted – would we watch it?
If we were looking for dissipation or distraction we would yell out “yes” to it. Definitely! So it feels like there’s another question to ask: “what are we willing to choose: evolution or distraction? That’s why we were given the free will. Anything is constantly offered to us. It’s all about nothing but choices.
I was addicted watching TV all my life. Even the last 15 years i watched less and not daily still it was a crucial part to watch my movies. This has changed within the last couple of years. I could feel that i didn’t enjoy watching movies anymore. There weren’t many movies i really enjoyed watching. And i realized on a energetic level the impact watching TV has on me. Usually i was snacking non stop during watching TV so i didn’t feel well after it because of the fact i overeating. Later i tried to not eat or less but realized even more the energetic fact that i did not support me to watch movies. So i didn’t want to feel how i was living my life therefore i watched TV. But watching TV made me also feel uncomfortable the energy movies bring. So i realized my overeating pattern resulted from not wanting to feel how i felt from watching the movies. From the emotions and energies which came through the movies.
When i got honest how watching TV affected me i was able to stop because it didn’t make any sense as there was no contentment i could draw from. So now i do not watch anymore TV something i would not have ever imagined possible.
Imagine a world without TV, remove this distraction and maybe we would stop long enough to see the mess the world is in.
Yesterday our TV went in to the storage unit to make way for family life, to make space for conversations, to allow relationships to deepen, to give us time to be with each other and actually present in the room and not spaced-out on the pretty flashing images coming from the screen.
Beautiful Shami, and everything you describe you are making space for is exactly what Tv takes away; connection with one another.
Mark, the strength of your writing is that it comes directly from your body. Your last paragraph ‘letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done’ is solid gold.
This was a really great honest account of how indulging in TV can have an impact on your life. I know that draining feeling from TV very well.
‘‘Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.’ I love this line. Giving up or quitting something to me still indicates an emotional tie to something. It implies reluctance and hence the mental work required to change the pattern. Stopping a behaviour however is completely different to me. For me it has meant seeing why I indulged in the behaviour in the first place and can now simply stop it as it no longer serves. No to and fro required thereafter.
This is very true Michelle, ‘Giving up or quitting something to me still indicates an emotional tie to something. It implies reluctance’, I found this when I first tried to give up smoking, I didn’t really want to give it up and so it was such a struggle, but in the last few years I have been taking care of myself more and being more loving with myself I have noticed that harmful habits have just dropped away without all of the effort, because I value myself too much to harm myself with them.
Thank you for sharing Mark – saying Yes to who you/I am rather than focusing on what we are ‘giving; up which is harming us feels to be very important. It puts the focus on love, who we naturally are and what we are returning to, so gives it the power rather than the other way around thinking something it is a massive task to let something go, when really it is not.
‘Although that’s not great, it is better for me to make changes that are true for me, rather than to change a behaviour because someone else does.’ This is something I am learning too – I hear what other people are doing and think that I ‘Should’ be doing that too, in other words, I use the image of what others do as an ideal for me, and, of course if it’s not true for me at that time, it is a false image that I will never match up to and then I have the perfect excuse to beat myself up for it, which is a destructive force that has nothing to do with self love. Far better then to accept all of where I am at and to know that, as I build more nurturing and self care into my life, these non-productive activities will gradually drop away naturally, never to return.
“When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.” When I choose to leave the distractions behind and choose me it is so clear what needs to be done, and in that clarity I can see that there is no time to waste on these distractions, there is so much life to be lived, so many beautiful people to meet and so much work to be done supporting not only myself but others too.
My sentiments exactly Jenny…… so much time is wasted on these distractions when there is so much life to be lived.
I love what you shared about how letting go of choices that don’t support you are less about giving up something and more about saying yes to who you truly are – what a deeply beautiful way to look at it. In this way it can never be a sacrifice considering the enormity of what you gain in return.
Richard, I love what you have shared here. When we focus our lives on passing time, with pastimes, we will end up wondering where has all the time gone?
That was always a clincher for me Gill, TV allowed me to ignore how tired I felt, so I would stay up later. If I get home from work late and the TV is on I can find myself sitting down to watch TV and before I know it an hour has gone, with “Oh I’ll just watch the end of this” It’s a total game so we ignore the body’s messages.
Mark this is a fabulous blog and one that is very exposing for me. As a child I watched a lot of TV too. I recall mum and dad asking me questions while I was watching TV and me not being able to hear a word they were saying because I was so engrossed in the TV. Ask me anything about what was on and would have no idea. I was completely checked out. Not there at all. Even now, even though I watch very little, when it’s on I can feel the tendency to watch and stare. It’s interesting if the TV is on in the room when I am working, I find it difficult to interact with patients. Now, I at least turn the TV down if I am trying to talk to them, sometimes even turning it off so that we can talk properly without the distraction in the background. TV are a very effective tool to numb and distract ourselves.
I agree Jennifer, TV is such a big distraction in the background. I stopped watching TV months ago, and do no miss it at all. At Christmas I was staying with my mum, who watches TV every morning when she gets up. So on my first morning, we’re having a cup of tea and started chatting. She has a huge TV and the noise and the images coming from the TV while I was trying to have a conversation with my mum was just so annoying and irritating that I asked her to switch it off and she did, thank goodness. Then I enjoyed our chat and connection.
One of the things I have noticed about TV and movies is that when I get involved in the story and its drama, my body goes through it all as if I am experiencing it in my own life. For example if it’s a suspenseful and stressful moment, my adrenals are very active and my body goes into ‘fight or flight’ mode which is very damaging for the body. Although we are watching an artificial life, the body can be going though it all, the emotions and stress, as if it’s living it. This is very damaging and disturbing for our health and wellbeing.
The simplicity of just being with me and the qualities I am, has shown me how low the quality of TV is.
Not having had TV for some time now I can not really relate to the need or addiction to it. But I can relate to addiction in general, substance and food wise, and find it so interesting that TV can also be in that category. Addiction is really the desire or blinded need to have or do something that will numb, distract or RELIEVE oneself from the pain of not being connected to who they truly are – and I guess that can come in many many forms.
Mark, thank you so much for a really exposing blog. I love how you set out the five ‘D’s of how TV affected you and your life. I can relate to most of those from long past TV viewing. Yes, it is easy to give over much of your life to the TV, especially when you live alone, it becomes an escape mechanism so you don’t feel yourself, don’t feel lonely, and you lapse into a completely different scene that is playing out on the TV, living from that for the period of what you are watching. I must admit that I never actually became addicted to it, but it was certainly a ‘go to’ when I was feeling lonely and/or empty. It felt so amazingly freeing when I let go of any watching of the TV at night, I had so much more time to do other things, in the warmer weather, even going for a walk in the cool of the day.
TV has become such a modern part of life. Most families I know turn the TV on in the morning like they open up the curtains, it is an essential part of their morning routine and it is always on in the background even if it isn’t being watched. This is quite disturbing. We have behaviours which we do on automatic pilot and don’t even check ourselves when we make them. How can we feel the effects of anything if we constantly live in autopilot and have solutions to every time we feel something we don’t like, TV is a big one of these distractions because it us used to numb and escape reality.
I stayed up watching a movie last night for the first time in years and feel like I have been run over by a truck this morning. It just was not worth it. I persuaded myself it was worth doing because I got to spend time with my daughter but, to be honest, we were both watching the movie rather than being together or talking, we just happened to be physically in the same location. So do I feel we are any closer today? Not really, just more tired and therefore we will both have to take care not to react to each other! So the consequences of one choice has put pressure on a whole day which could undo any good from staying up late to watch a movie!!! Not such great logic.
Mark, thank you for your honesty in presenting how difficult you found it to fully give up the TV. I can so relate to that. For years now, I have had no wish to watch films, or much at all on the TV, but I have still felt the need to be up to date with the News etc. I have always felt that I need to know what is going on in the world. But I had made a decision about 6 months ago, not to watch the TV, but to get my news of the world from the ABC radio in the morning, which is far less sensationalised. And then last Saturday night, I felt to give myself just a little TV before going to bed. I saw the end of the news, and waited to see what now follows that, especially during this ‘silly season’ for the TV around Xmas. A programme came on, and then I felt that weird pull that the TV has, felt the nervous energy immediately rise, and thank goodness, I just had to turn it back off, knew I could have trouble sleeping if I watched it. It is back to the morning ABC now, for me so I still feel I know what is going on in the world. I don’t feel ready yet to actually get rid of the TV, I need it at the moment to webcast events for other students, and it is very useful when I do an online exercise class, gives me a larger picture to view. And I still have a very few videos, several nature films, and Star Wars when I have time, so maybe I will keep the TV for that. Otherwise, for me, it has now become obsolete, thank goodness I say. It took me away from myself for many, many years, though I have never been good at staying up late with it.
Mark this is a brilliant blog. I love your openness and honesty and how through this you were able to understand what led you to use TV to numb yourself. Honesty is key, with this we are allowing ourselves to be aware of what we are truly feeling in any situation which supports us to come to honoring our truth, so we can live the truth of who we are. I also love your closing paragraph ‘Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.’ – a powerful truth that for me relates to life in general.
I love what you have shared here Mark as for most people we do not stop and consider why we watch TV and what effect it could be having on us and our relationships as well as adding ‘unreal’ drama to our lives. It is simply another thing we can use to deny feeling what is really going on in life. Thank you.
I love the “TV.D’s” Mark, well documented, I knew them well too. The trick now that I dont watch TV is to make sure I don’t get caught up in social media in the same way.
Well pointed out Jeanette – that is the danger – social media has its own hooking ability and it is up to us to recognise it and be truly observant around our behaviour around it. I know at times I can get ‘hooked in’ if my awareness slips, and when I realise I have been on it for ages, I log out quickly and that feels then very liberating and I can get on with what I was meaning to do. Often I need a walk to just clear myself first, and walking I find is a very beneficial way for me to connect back to my own breath and the movements of my body.
In my adult years I have not owned a TV and I have never really watched much TV. I did used to enjoy watching DVDs on my computer fairly regularly. This lessened over time and I remember when I did watch a DVD before bed one night having not done so for a very long time. I could not believe how stimulated my brain was when my body was so exhausted. It took me a long time to wind down and be able to fall asleep even though I was tired. I pondered on the fast moving pace of all the images when watching TV. Life does not move like this and it is a lot for the brain to cope with. Let alone children TV and movies that are so fast paced with the movements being very rapid.
‘When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.’ Recognising why we use things like TV to check out feels like it is the key to changing this and other self-abusive patterns of behaviour. I am so much more productive now I don’t slump in front of the TV and end up falling asleep there instead of going to bed when my body tells me it is tired. My TV stopped working 6 months ago and I haven’t missed it at all but feel that is because I have increasingly been treating myself in more self-loving ways and it felt like the right time but if I had tried to force myself earlier it is more likely I would have regressed or found another distraction. TV addiction is a massive problem in society today and many children are growing up in homes where the TV is permanently switched on setting up lifelong patterns that are harder to break. Recognising the issue is the first step and this blog is a great contribution to the debate, thank you for sharing Mark.
Awesome Mark. I love your honesty.
“If I stayed up late, it was usually because I was watching TV, so that also meant I would be tired the next day.” What a set up for getting stuck in the comfort. To look at this vicious cycle from a distance makes it look so unreal and unhealthy for the body. It is so easy to see through once we have stopped and asked the question, “why do I need this entertaining with TV?”
Love your honest assesement of all that T.V. or any other past time for that matter does to us and how we are in life. It is actually shocking to see and feel how much time I still loose with doing things that are just to numb or not get to things that really need to be done. And it shows how much more love for myself I can build and have to not need all those distractions.
I love how you phrase this Benkt van Haastrecht. Liking the amount we avoid doing what needs to be done to the amount of love we have yet to build in our bodies.
TV ‘Ds’ – awesome to read and feel this Mark Payne. You are an amazing man who leads by example – not just doing something because the community ‘says so’ but feeling it all out right to the root cause and then letting it go.
I agree Lee, I really appreciate how Mark stayed true to himself through the whole process. Not giving in to any external stuff that may have wanted to impose any ‘shoulds’. I really appreciate that any decision made from this space of understanding in our selves is a true decision for us and then there is no more pull to re-visit past activities.
It’s true Lee, I really felt the integrity in what Mark has discovered and how that brought him to the core of the issue, choosing himself over such an insidious habit that diminishes who we are.
I loved that too about Mark and his shared and lived wisdom – so easy to relate to and so many awesome points offered for reflection.
Thank you Mark for such an honest blog and the sharing of your experiences that are so relatable to for so many as Tv is such a distraction and time waster . Without Tv life becomes so much more purposeful and alive. Congratulations on your amazing changes and way of living , inspirational.
Now it is not just the TV that provides this distraction, but the internet to – I know that I can say I don’t watch TV, but that doesn’t indicate how much time I might be spending on my computer or phone. But do we ever stop to consider that these behaviours might actually be addictions?
That is a great point you are making Rebecca. I also don’t watch TV anymore but I spend very much time on my Computer and most of my time my Iphone or Ipad or computer is with me.
Great question Rebecca, TV can simply be replaced by other Distractions. The internet is DEFINATELY one for me.
They are addictions and until we are prepared to look at why we are addicted to numbing ourselves, we might stop one addiction, but will immediately create another.
My feeling is these are definitely replacements for checking out time and letting ourself get entertained. I am very aware of that…How often do we look at our phone or check emails a day?! Is it really necessary THAT much?
I agree Rebecca. The internet has replaced TV watching for a lot of people. With even more accessibility and being mobile it can easily become a 24/7 addiction/distraction. A recent study on technology use and young people reported that young people are using their phones/social media to deal with stress, anxiety and depression.
I can believe that statistic Vicky. I would say 8 out of 10 people sitting on a tube train are doing something on their phones. I am one of those people from time to time. We do it to seemingly alleviate boredom or fill time, but that in itself shows how disconnected we are, which would naturally lead to some form of depression.
TV addiction is just like any other distraction if it’s used for the purpose of medicating or checking out.
It does not matter to what we are addicted, the point is to honestly look at the fact why we are addicted and from there lovingly work on the causes of our addiction.
Yes and that takes a commitment and a true willingness to really look and feel deeply. Once done, the rest becomes so much easier.
“Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.” This is so true, when we accept who we truly are and I am still working on this we start to let go of what does not support us any more, our body tells us very clearly that it does not support, whether it be food, TV or anything. How amazing our bodies are if we just choose to listen.
Yes and what a paradox – to feel hard done by by giving something up’. No one made us ‘give up’ something, so when that choice has been made it is only our selves we can look to. And here comes in the very important fact of – ‘did I give up something because in my head I know it’s not great’ or ‘ did I let go of something that I could truly feel within was not supporting me. ‘ Choosing the latter, makes letting go a so easy…
A brilliant article that supports everyone to understand more about their addictions and relationship with distractions. I love your open, honest and practical approach. There is also no sense of feeling bad or guilty which doesn’t allow us the acceptance and grace to let go of what doesn’t support us to be more of who we are. When I watch tv, I can feel how hard my body goes as though I am tensing up to stop the onslought of energy coming out of the tv. I feel very emotional and it is impossible to stay with myself. I’m realising how draining this is too.
I observed this too very recently Simone. I was watching a movie and there were times that I was just so tense in my body, which of course effected how I went to bed and then slept.
I had to laugh last night when I read this blog before I went to bed, as yesterday we had the first day in a long time where we didn’t have to be anywhere or do anything and apart from an outing with my daughter to walk the dog for an hour or so we pretty much watched movies and Tv all day. It was good to just do nothing and blob out but to be honest it didn’t feel that great afterwards. My body felt stiff and my mind felt dull.
That is great to understand that even I thought in the past that watching a movie is great something to do when I have time at the week-end; actually it is nothing which support us. Like you described “My body felt stiff and my mind felt dull”. Actually most movies bring us down energetically and don’t support the loving connection to ourselves and others.
I can relate to that feeling Kev, of wanting a break from work, and TV seems an attractive choice but then I watch TV and realise it isn’t a refreshing kind of break at all but more a slide into an empty space, junk food for the mind and body. The two dimensional TV simply can’t match the five dimensional qualities of our lives which are always right there for us.
I find this too Stephen. When I watch anything on TV now, even a good film, it does not match the quality of my life, and there is no purpose in it, which is what my life has now become full of. it does not provide me with a rest, because I find that it drains me. What I find is that it is purely a distraction from things and feelings I could be attending to. I find that it is a total waste of time.
Yes me too and I find I get restless and often don’t watch the rest or miss half the conversations. These days I find myself turning off a movie halfway through as I feel disconnected from it. It feels actually freeing to do so and finish instead what was left to be done, or start the nurturing get ready for bed phase.
Yes, I agree with what you share here Rebecca, that is my experience too, there is no purpose, it does not allow me to deeply rest, it is simply a distraction and numbing. Since I am choosing to connect deeper, feel more, and be more aware it goes against what I am choosing.
A very powerful statement that shows that how we feel and how our live flows is entirely dependent on our own choices.
Forever and always; our choices in every given moment reflect to us where we are at, and by observing this reflection and truly feeling it in our body, we can then adjust accordingly.
This is an awesome blog Mark, honest and light in how you share which is gorgeous. I love the D’s you expose, and the idea of the stickers all over the TV made me laugh… I’ve never been drawn to watching much TV as I could always feel how it was draining, taking people away from simply being with themselves. It would be balling often I remember as a child in friends’ houses, it was the highlight and key ‘attraction’ of the living room and evening, but I would always feel it offered a false sense of entertainment that left you feeling empty and wanting for more.
It is incredible just how many different ways we can find to numb ourselves and to stop us from feeling. Thank you Mark for your honest sharing that I am sure so many can relate to.
Great blog Mark. Television easily becomes an addiction, a check-out point as you said that we rely on to fill in time, fill a space or just simply not to feel what is really going on for us. I grew up with limited television, and chose not to have one for most of my 20’s and 30’s but once television with a cable TV was installed at my house, I was hooked. Those days are long gone now and I wonder really how I ever had the time! Well done and enjoy all your new found space to connect back to you.
I am shocked how much time I wasted whilst sitting in front of that box all my life until a couple of years ago.
I only really began to accept that I was addicted to TV when I realised that the TV would be the first thing that I would go to when I get home from work. I gradually stopped watching TV as I began to feel how much of my time it took and how I would watch things just because it was in front of me, so in effect totally checking out and succumbing to the TV. I would start with the News and then flick through the channels and it wasn’t long before I was hooked for the evening. I used to say it was my way of winding down from the day but realistically the TV was still keeping me wired into the day and I was numbing myself rather than truly winding down from the day
Mark the honest view on TV is something to really look at. All of the D’s that you listed also affect me and although my TV viewing has reduced greatly there are still a few things I’ll watch. I do notice the main point being it eats up time and whatever purposeful thing I had planned to do then gets forgotten. Yet I know I can go months without turning on the TV and those months are the most enjoyable and productive ones I have.
Amazing Revelation David. “Yet I know I can go months without turning on the TV and those months are the most enjoyable and productive ones I have”
I so feel the same way. I can go months and months without watching TV, and feel super amazing and productive, these are actually the most enjoyable months as I spend my free time speaking with family, paying attention to how I live and do things I wouldn’t normally do like painting (artwork), ordering the house etc.
Mark, I relate to what you share strongly, I would remember watching TV show after TV show and then leave little time for the functional everyday tasks, so would rush to clean my teeth, prepare for bed. Rush making meals and tidying up, but spend hours watching TV shows or sport or whatever. It is now I appreciate more how that feels in my body and how there was a lot of disregard I showed myself in wanting that TV fix. I find it immensely enjoyable now to take the time to do the little tasks in the day like cleaning up and putting things in order, or talking to a friend or family member and wonder why I would choose a TV show over this.
Amazing Stephen! Amazing how when we spend less time watching TV (which is draining us) we enjoy the things more like ordering the house, cleaning up, cleaning our teeth and all of the ‘functional every day tasks’. I know I super enjoy these and don’t even watch TV at all.
For me it was like a reward sitting in front of the TV and I know this rushing you are talking about… Main focus was to be ready with dinner when the program started…crazy..
Yes I relate to that too – although it was considered a ‘treat’ to have a TV dinner – so glad these days are long gone….
I have felt for a long time that TV keeps us as a humanity stupid, this is because of the ideals, beliefs, and emotions that are constantly recycled through TV programs. In watching these we allow us to be manipulated by a formula, that filmmakers, program makers and so on are taught at film school, and we go along for the ride. There are very few films or TV programs that ask us to reflect deeply on life, or tell us the truth of life, (although some might pretend to) and none that are telling us about the fact that we are sons of God or pointing us in that direction. No, 98% of programs are there to keep us stuck in the mire of emotions and drama which further cement us into the human condition. Just think how powerful a tool TV is and what kind of inspirational and ‘thought provoking’ honest material could be being communicated through this medium, so that it became less of a checking out experience and more of a waking up one.
I agree Josephine, most Television keeps us stuck in ignorance by reinforcing ideals and stereotypes, there is huge potential to turn this around and bring honesty and love to humanity, like you said: “less of a checking out experience and more of a waking up one.”
‘Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.’ This has been instrumental for me also in making life changing decisions easy rather than about willpower. If we make the choice to start to live in accordance to who we truly are and our natural way of being, letting go of patterns of behaviour which do not serve us also becomes natural and with some commitment, much easier than our minds would like us to believe.
Awesome Mark, in the future we will look back and see our societal mass addiction to TV as pointless and deeply harming. TV will be a thing of the past when we start to connect to one and other on a deeper level. TV usage will eventauly die off as we remember who we are.
Absolutely Samantha – pointless entertainment and it is very rare that what is being shared through TV is there to evolve us.
Great point – bringing evolution into the equation – and I fully agree with you Marcia – indeed very very rare.
Having been addicted to the TV for many years and looking at all the time I wasted being more interested in the fictional life of the TV characters than my own life it is not surprising that I became more withdrawn from work, being around people, family life and relationships suffered. What you have described here Mark is a great example of what so many of us do to escape life.
Julie, I also used to have a TV addiction. Something I found when I stopped watching TV, movies, audio books and youtube videos was home much space I had in my head and how much easier it was to be present with what was happening around me. I constantly had lines or images from what I had watched playing on repeat in my head. It was amazing to feel the space that was created from not bombarding my mind with constant and intense stimulation.
‘Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.’ That is it in a nutshell Mark. When I focus on giving something up then there are all sorts of mental games that get played, it becomes hard, I feel hard done by that I have to go without…. but flip it on its head and it simply being an opportunity to say yes for another day to who I am and how gorgeous I can feel inside and the choice has a totally different flavour, is much more positive, and the end result feels fantastic.
‘Giving up’ also implies experiencing a ‘lose”s. But in choosing to no longer do….in this case watch TV, there is no ‘lose’ because as you so beautifully say Simon “it simply an opportunity to say yes for another day to who I am and how gorgeous I can feel on the inside”.
Thank you Mark I found it quite revealing reading your blog and the detailed effects watching TV has on our well being. I have a similar story with TV like you. What I understand is that people who have given up on life, TV is a welcome and needed distraction not to feel themselves. It supports a way of living that is very passive and without responsibility.
So true and great point – “… needed distraction not to feel themselves.” Very sad indeed to engage in activities that promotes just that.
Time watching TV was always after I had exhausted myself through the day, doing everything required to have a life that presented well, until I would eventually start falling asleep on the couch and then I would give in and take myself off to bed. I really looked forward to ‘time out’ and that it was the only time I would sit down and let the body stop but could not let my mind stop, had to keep that stimulated so I didn’t feel how abusive I was being to my body and disregarding all the signs of the emotional turmoil in my family life.
What an awesome discovery you have made for yourself Mark, thank you for sharing the Details of the effects you have so clearly exposed watching T.V. has.
Great article Mark. I never liked watching TV, found it always boring and a waste of time. In some occasions when I did watched it or even a serial on dvd I experienced the addictive nature of it and I was horrified how I was drawn in and couldn’t stop until the whole episodes were finished. I remember years ago my last experience with it was when I was sick and started to watch this serial that someone liked and recommended to me and for two weeks my days were determined by the need to go on watching the next and the next episode. I didn’t even like the episodes as the whole story was so absurd, but I couldn’t get of the hook of knowing what was coming next. I felt so paralyzed and off that I had to really take myself off this habit and rehabilitate and go back to life. Never ever watched a serial again.
“When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.” This is super powerful Mark, thank you for your simple and expose writing.
I haven’t had a TV for about 6 years and it too was a very natural choice for me as I was saying ‘Yes’ to more of me and being present in more of my life. TV for me was once a daily distraction (hours and hours..) from feeling what had happened in my day or what was ahead, and it was my friend to indulge in this uncommitted and uninvolved way of life whilst numbing the pain of this emptiness.
It’s not about the TV but about choosing life!
Awesome blog Mark, very well needed portrayal of T.V addiction considering in today society an awful amount of time is spend in front of a screen.
And that’s the key again isn’t it, to actually feel the natural flow and allow it to be carried by that. Lovely, Susan.
Your TV’Ds are so awesome Mark – and hit the nail on the head. I have never been a TV addict as such, but used to enjoy the occasional series and would work around them so that I could watch them. For a long time now our TV is covered up at home with a beautiful shawl, in fact we started that when the children were born so that the TV was not the centrepiece and watching TV was closely monitored for the children. We have maintained this for 20 years now, and the kids are not really interested in TV as such, unfortunately it has just been replaced with computer games or watching movies on the internet. For myself though, I don’t miss it and am glad it’s more or less a redundant piece of technology in our house….
TV has become Conundrum Central for me, so reading your blog has been a tremendous inspiration. You got me at, ‘letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am’. I also love the reminder that tv breeds procrastination that then produces overwhelm and anxiety whereas no tv means you actually get ahead of yourself. Put like this, there is no contest. But the thing that really gets me to choose no tv is the fact that what I’m choosing to watch brings a certain energetic quality to my body that then affects how I feel. That means when I choose to watch tv just before bed, I’m essentially signing up to a truly toxic way of entering the sanctity of sleep.
‘That means when I choose to watch tv just before bed, I’m essentially signing up to a truly toxic way of entering the sanctity of sleep.’ I could not have said this better myself. It is like we are saying, I really don’t want to feel whatever is going on right now and am setting myself up for an uphill day tomorrow. Awesomely stated Cathy.
Great blog Mark, there is so much time wasted on watching TV. I loved your list of TV D’s great observation in seeing what TV Distracts us from, or Disables our ability to be all that we are.
Me too Sally, the TV D’s are very relevant to all of us! The important thing is Mark did not stop watching TV because of anyone but because of the way it made him feel in his body which is crucially important. If we don’t do this and use will power alone we always end up coming back to whatever we were addicted to, at least that is how I have found things to be!
This stood out to me also Fiona, we are either saying yes to checking out and numbing or yes to staying with ourselves.
Your blog has really got me thinking…..
Perhaps because I haven’t owned a tv, I feel its effects very clearly. My whole life, whenever I have walked into a home and the tv is on… which just so happens to be a lot of times as it is very common… I feel I get sucked into another world, where everyone’s attention and focus is on the screen. There is less communication and movement. And this is normal.
You see young kids so sucked in that you talk to them and its like the lights are on but no one is home.
TV really is a drug.
This has changed my idea of what drugs are – perhaps they are not only ingested by the mouth but also by the eyes.
I agree with you Rosie and have felt the same sucking when I walk into a room with a TV on, I can even stop mid conversation because the distraction is so great. But what is this saying about the rest of my life? Do I allow distractions to get the better of me or can I move in a way that is true and keep my awareness in the face of potential distraction?
I grew up without a tv so never have been addicted as you have described. I have only lived in a house with a flat mate who had a tv for about 9 months, but other than that, I have been tv less all my life but I still do feel the effects on my body after staying up too late watching movies with my daughter on the laptop. What also got my attention Mark, is how you wrote about eating and watching tv. I just had to sit here and realise it is in those times that I make the WORST food choices ever… and now I am starting to understand why.
If I have already checked out in the movie, and am therefore no longer connected to my body and more numb… no wonder I end up making food choices that don’t support me at all.
I could relate to everyone of your TV’D’s Mark, especially the getting caught up in a program and all other commitments going out the window because there is no way I could possibly click the off button and carry on with life not knowing what happened!! Bit cheeky I know but it’s crazy what thoughts are there when we don’t want to be with ourselves. It’s so empowering as soon as we say yes to ourselves, relationships and life, and give ourselves an opportunity to uncover how we truly feel underneath the numbing.
I agree Aimee I have experienced that same with the TV’Ds that Mark shared. What is clearly outlined for me is how when we choose to dis-connect from what we are feeling, from our hearts our minds take control with thoughts that justify and reason our choices whilst we override, numb and ignore what we truly feel. ‘It’s so empowering as soon as we say yes to ourselves, relationships and life, and give ourselves an opportunity to uncover how we truly feel underneath the numbing.’ – beautifully said.
Awesome blog Mark, I am glad you gave up tv and now have time to write blogs instead… we all get to benefit this way, as you are more yourself and you have time to share these insights with us which I am sure many will relate too.
Yes Rosie I second that. This is a valuable blog that shares a lived wisdom that many will benefit from, as I know I have. Very inspiring Mark thank you for say YES to you.
Me too, thank you Mark – and it is lived wisdom – which makes all the difference in sharing as that is what people can connect to as they will be able to feel the truth of it in their bodies,
Like you Mark when I have let something go because it is true for me to do so, even if that is delayed! It is infinitely more true and it is like you said not deprivation but an actually saying YES to that which is the love inside, and then you don’t miss what ever it was that you were ‘using’ to avoid the responsibility that comes with such great power that we all have naturally inside ourselves.
I little while ago I was home alone which doesn’t happen often and was really enjoying the stillness and peace and decided to settle down and watch a movie uninterupted. After a while I realised I was in absolute bliss and wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else or doing anything else especially socialising. Once upon a time I would have considered this rather sad but now I realise how much in total comfort I was.
Awesome Mark, I never really looked at how bad TV actually is and I have to admit I have done most of the D’s. Much of our lives can be wasted staring at a box which doesn’t evolve us in the slightest and keeps us away from who we truly are and what we actually feel. This is time we can never get back. I don’t watch TV like I used to but I am still far from totally stopping it.
Great article Mark. As a society we spend an extraordinary amount of time on devices whether it is TV, iPad, iPhone, computer etc for the sole purpose of checking out. Your honesty of your own addiction here is very supportive and absolutely not uncommon.
Yes Marcia I feel the addiction definately now extends to iPads, computers and particularly iPhones as everyone has one and it’s easily available as a distraction, just like TV.
In many ways the phone addiction feels much worse as it is at our fingertips 24 hours a day, we carry it around with us all day – never a moment without. And the bigger the storage capacity the more people use it for watching movies or playing games on their phones, no matter where they are. TV, in my upbringing, at least was something one did in the evening, the TV was never on during the day – but these days the phone??
As you say Marcia, “As a society we spend an extraordinary amount of time on devices whether it is TV, iPad, iPhone, computer etc for the sole purpose of checking out.” We have made this way of being completely normal when interacting with our modern day technology. The beauty of Mark’s article is that he is showing us how TV can rule our lives, our patterns of behaviour and how it can affect us in work and during the day. A very, much needed wake up call.
Yeah I so agree Marcia, what Mark presents gives us all a moment to truly consider how we are with all we do. As you say the number of devices we can use to numb out are huge and when you stop and feel their true effects it is not surprising how much we can be knocked out of our true rhythm.
This is so true Marcia, ‘As a society we spend an extraordinary amount of time on devices whether it is TV, iPad, iPhone, computer etc for the sole purpose of checking out.’ Everywhere I go I see people on I-Phones in particular, I notice that often people aren’t communicating with those around them but are instead staring into a screen. I notice with myself how addictive I find my I-Phone and check it often unnecessarily.
Mark what you share is so gorgeous and powerful, thank you. It is really worth celebrating that moment we feel our own depth of loveliness surpasses the need to bring something in from the outside to fill up. I love how you describe the traits of TV watching and disclose it for the distraction it is.
I have a TV and I like watching, but funnily enough since my move 19 months ago, I have no TV program as it just does not want to function with the channels due to some connecting problems of the house. But what it interesting, I actually do not miss it. I can watch a movie by choice on DVD or internet, but I rarely do, as I have not time for it. I ask myself sometimes how in the world could I watch up to 2 hours every evening years ago? And if someone complains of not having time to get things done, I ask how many hours of TV they watch.
I agree Sonja, since i have stopped watching TV all together i have so much more time and energy.
Yes exactly Sonja, TV can chew up a lot of time. I know many people who say that they relax in front of the TV at the end of the day – they’re tired, they’re overwhelmed and as we know, it’s one way to escape these feelings for a few hours each day but they don’t go away. They’re still there when the TV goes off.
Very true, watching TV gets in the way of doing everything else. This passive way of being gets in the way of expressing yourself out there in the world. I remember times that I felt really depressed after watching TV not even wanting to get off from the couch and go out to the store.
Thank you for sharing Mark. Amazing how you were able to let go of your addiction enabling you to express and inspire.
Yes it is a good question Sonja, the evening can go by in a flash when the TV is on, such a waste of precious time. Yet I think that is because I value that space in my evening. I value it to ensure I am setting myself up well for the next day. There was a time I didn’t value this level of
preparation or time with myself and the TV was my time for me after a long day at work, it was my time to reconnect with me…goodness, I did no reconnecting watching TV at all really, just a great deal of distraction. It takes a choice to consider all the different aspects of the affect of TV on our lives in order to break the hold it has on us and this blog offered some great pointers.
Interesting to read the comment and see how many people also find TV can be an almost addictive but not overly productive choice. Why do people create so many things that we end up using to diminish our quality of life…what does it say about our quality of life, if TV is seen as needed contributor.
For me since childhood to adult time – TV has been like the beer in the evening for someone.
I had beer or wine and TV- Sonja! I looked forwards to my evening ritual getting a glass of alcohol, my crisps, cheese and later some sweets. Stuffing with myself whilst watching TV.
And for watching TV was the time to check out from life, and I always fell asleep infront of the TV.
Brilliant blog Mark Payne. There are so many ways in the the world to avoid the disquiet we feel rumbling around inside. A very honest portrayal of the true effects of what is a truly numbing past time.
What is fascinating is that these effects go by unnoticed. How can we be and feel tired in reality but then suddenly disconnect from that reality by being sat in front of a screen. This I find shocking, because I have felt it for and of myself. The numbing effects of screens has truly devastating effects on humanity.
Yes and that is most likely the aim – to numb humanity and stop them from connecting and evolving and stepping into the awesome power and love that lies in all of us.
“Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am”. It’s fantastic that you were able to come to this realisation of your own accord Mark. Being controlled by the TV restricts us from our own way of truly expressing.
I like your T.V.‘D’s Mark and feel the same especially the de-motivation and anti social ones. I gradually stopped watching TV because I gradually realized none of the shows were evolving humanity and were in fact reinforcing what was wrong with society. Sport was people taking something that should be fun to the extremes of seriousness. The Sitcoms were just reinforcing stereotypes and accepting ridiculous behavior. The crime dramas were pushing a weird inconsistent sense of morality, anything to get you hooked into emotion. I always knew that TV was not enlightening me, but after reading this honest blog I realize how much I was dropping my own values.
“Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.” Brilliant sentence Mark that completely sums up our journey back to our true selves. It is so amazing that you have been able to observe and identify the real effects of watching the “Goggle Box” as it is known in our family. It is incredible what we can achieve without a T.V. My husband and I ditched the T.V 10 years ago. We will still watch a movie occasionally and the gaps in between are getting bigger and bigger, as we fill our time with other more worthwhile stuff. It is such a glorious moment when we realise that saying ‘No’ to the T.V.D’s and the like is in fact us saying a big ‘YES” to who we really are, as our vitality, purpose and joy comes flooding back.
Good on you Mark for being open and willing to go there and look at how TV was impacting your life, particularly when what you were doing is seen as ‘normal’ out in the world today.
Yes and this blog makes such a difference I am sure, as many people will be able to relate to the many things offered here, and some might be inspired to look deeper into their own behaviour with these markers set.
Not only that, but for nailing down what those effects are. I’ve certainly felt them and when written down in a simple list its much harder to avoid taking responsibility for what actually happens when we do check out in front of the TV.
Yes I agree Simon. Writing down the effects and what we are feeling is very powerful. I found that sometimes when I know something in my mind but not express it verbally or write it down I find my ways to ignore it or change it in my mind.
TV, news, movies, all great stuff on a visual level was also a great escape for me, a comfort from my otherwise intense and exhausting day. It promotes irresponsibility as it allowed me to not feel the level of exhaustion I had in the day, not to mention the amount of eating the family dinner in front of the old tv screen – total disconnection!
That’s a great point Joshua, and one that Mark touched on too – the fact that TV ‘covers up’ how exhausted we are! That just proves how efficient it is at numbing us to feeling our own bodies, our awareness of life and how we are in it. From memory it also ‘covered up’ the ability to feel if I was full or hungry, I could just eat and eat in front of a telly as a child and not know I was full until I was sick!
I agree Joshua and Rachel, tv and overeating seem to go hand in hand…. TV totally numbs so while eating or having a ‘pig out’ as we would call it, the energy has already been chosen. As in one has already chosen to numb rather than be with themselves.
And as most homes have tv’s these days, with the tv screens bigger and bigger, you can start to get a sense of how much numbing and disconnection there is in the world.
Oh yes, I know this combination well Rachel! I used to watch something on TV or read a novel with a packet of BBQ corn chips. I loved reading or watching and stuffing myself with these chips and look forward to lounging around and doing it. Although this is something I no longer do, I can’t say that I am yet completely free of that yearning. A couple of years ago I can remember the horror of realising that never again in my next 500 incarnations would I ever get to eat pizza! Yet today I had a half a green apple and it was too sweet. The yearning has nothing to do with what my body is actually truly needing – it is some mad desire to want to numb and comfort myself.
Yes Lyndy, although watching TV is something I no longer do I am also not free yet of the pull to want to sit and watch it when I am tired or feeling emotional. I know how it numbs, distracts and takes me away from being present.
Gorgeous Mark. The observation you made about how TV hurts your eyes is fascinating. I no longer watch TV but I can feel how true this is. When I do watch TV again at some point I am going to pay far more attention to the way my body responds.
I feel my eyes hurt as well Leonne, watching TV or looking at a computer screen for too long, and also a foggy feeling in my head. Really speaks volumes about what we are actually seeing and receiving from TV.
Such an honest account of an addiction that many would consider”normal” and would not think twice about! Thank you for this sharing, Mark. My checkout/addiction used to be books- I always had a book on the go and used to really look forward to getting into it every opportunity I could. I no longer read for the sake of it and honestly don’t know where I found the time! I still get the occasional craving if I see a new book by a favourite author but have not gone back to it-I am enjoying a different way of being now.
I choose to not watch TV as energy coming through TV feels awful, it’s imposing, and a lot of it is lies, you can physically feel the hook trying to pull you in.
I appreciate the reminder here Mark of how addictive tv can be and how much we have accepted watching tv as part of our culture. I also appreciate that you have made the choice to stop watching tv that allows you to do other things – like inspiring people with your gorgeous and honest writing. Thank you Mark.
“Looking back I can feel how TV watching increased my anxiety, which then led to procrastination and a life of stress and rushing, doing just enough to get by.” I now very rarely watch TV, but when I do I find that afterwards I recognise all the things you speak of that do not support my well being at all. Great blog Mark, showing how we can replace any addiction with another. I also love the way you say that we cannot make it happen, we have to really and truly feel what we are doing to ourselves, even to the stage of overdoing it big time. That is like going to rock bottom, and in that seemingly helpless place comes a voice from that beautiful essence inside us — Love — with the message, “I am here, listen to me, time to change”, and that voice is gentle, not reprimanding or demanding, just a reminding us that we can listen to ourselves and know the truth, and so choose the change.
Great blog, I feel we need to talk more about what the impact on TV really has on us (along with other devices). There was a time in my life when I watched way too much TV but what I could feel reading your blog was although I no longer watch TV I can still feel that hook or pull of energy in my body that would lead me to watching TV still there and not fully cleared. Now I know this I can completely clear it.
Interestingly when I had the feeling to watch a movie once a year or so, it makes it hard to find something that I like, and once I start watching I know that this is something I don’t really need anymore.
From one ex TV addict to another, I can completely relate to what you are saying Mark. Growing up I used to watch hours of TV every day after school, sometimes from 4pm to bedtime, usually with a break for dinner if it wasn’t being eaten in front of the TV. Then as an adult the highlight of my day was often when I was able to slump on the sofa and watch a couple of hours before going to bed, getting so involved in whatever series I was watching at the time. Now most days I don’t watch TV, and on the days I do it is usually no longer than 30mins. I even find myself only watching it for a few minute then turning it off because it doesn’t feel so good anymore. There is usually something so much better to be doing.
As a result of a minor renovation, we sold our TV and haven’t replaced it yet, that was 8 months ago. We have a spare in another room for dvd watching. What is so lovely is that now the living room is filled with living noises like birds, the wind and the laughter (and occasional crying) of my kids.
That sounds like a great alternative to the noise of the TV Matthew I am inspired by you and Mark.
When the kids were little, we used to have 3 week TV bans. It was not a punishment, just something I liked doing…. and after about the first day it simply receeded into the background, and other things came to the fore like nature, creative play, just hanging out, cooking etc. I remember them as magical times.
Yes, great point Simon and we have the biggest TV there is to watch and that is the world we live in. There is so much going on around us and so much to see that why do you need something else to take you away from this. Like most things that don’t bring a quality in a relationship, eventually they just fall away.
Great point Matthew, that as soon as the TV is turned off the sounds of nature fills what was otherwise drowned out by the noise of the ‘box’, and our ears once more begin to hear rather than being bombarded.
That is such a true obseravtion Giselle – “… our ears once more begin to hear rather than being bombarded.” Very nice indeed, and it goes for our eyes too…
That is so lovely to read Matthew and you now have a “living” room.
As I wrote that an Eastern Rosella flew down and started chattering away on my trellis. Would’ve missed it if I had been watching TV.
Oh that sounds good! I think we are a few years off that one but I can just not turn it on when I am on my own!
I remember spending hours watching TV and even planning my social life around it not wanting to miss a particular episode. This was in the time before TV on demand and the Internet. Without realizing, it did have an insidious control over my life. Having realised how TV robbed me of hours of my life, I no longer watch it and have to say I do not miss it at all.
When I sit in front of the TV now, my body goes YUK and my brain goes, “I’m bored”.
Hahaha, short and sweet, I love it and so true!
Haha, love it Harrison, it always felt like this for me. TV was always big fat boredom for me and I couldn’t understand how most people used it for entertainment. But nevertheless I could get caught up in something, specifically watching serials and having to get compulsively through all the episodes, so I felt that there is something very very engaging and capturing about TV that is totally underestimated of its addictive force.
Whoa absolutely Rachel, there is something very hooking about those TV series! It is an addictive force indeed.
Exactly, Harrison – when I look at the movie trailers, there is nothing that can really get my interest. I am very graceful that I don’t need this form of distraction anymore.
Yes I so relate, just looking at the TV guide is a full turn-off.
Truly Amazing Mark, I really enjoyed reading your honest blog! I feel the truth in all of what you are saying, and love the reference “T.V.D’s”. Its amazing how after a while when we feel the effects certain things are having on us, we don’t find them hard to give them up at all even if it was something which we used to spend a lot of time doing. I know if I watch TV now, I scan through a little bit, can’t really settle and feel anxious. I get bored of watching TV in a few minutes anyway and prefer to get out and interact. Loved how you shared that you could have spent time interacting with others, evolving or doing something different but instead you chose TV. A great learning here for us all, distraction and comfort does not work!
That is it Harrison, we have to really feel the impact of what ever it is in our body and on our energy and vitality when you literally feel like the life has been sucked out of you, it just doesn’t seem ‘fun’ anymore.
“you literally feel like the life has been sucked out of you” thats the most accurate description of what watching TV feels like Vanessamchardy!
Oh that pesky body, it always offers an honest reflection! How perfect is it then that TV is designed to engage the mind and distract us? I worked in TV and we were always talking about what would engage the viewer, how we could keep the viewer watching. Clearly hooks designed to distract you from doing other things in your life! Adverts are sold based on this level of engagement so they make money out of our being hooked… The more hooked the better and the more that could be charged.
Thanks Mark, for sharing your TV addiction, reading it was a bit of an ‘ouch’ for me. I don’t watch a lot of TV but it is generally when I’m tired and instead of going to bed early I choose to numb out. Then one bad decision follows another as I skip to another programme. Fortunately there isn’t much worth watching so I tend to turn off, but then there’s social media as a replacement, and so it goes on, and I’m late going to sleep. Breaking the cycle is a challenge, but I can see that allowing ourselves to truly feel the effects of these addictions, we will eventually come to a point where it is no longer self loving to use distractions in this harmful way.
I use to turn the television on when I was tired too Mark and I would tell myself ‘I need to rest and I am too tired to do anything else’ – both are lies. Television was never restful and made me more tired. This became really obvious when I learnt how to re-connect with my body when lying down as I found I could re-charge with ten minutes of rest or even ten minutes of sleep but I would never be recharged if I switched on the T.V.
Me too Deanne – I have that experience as well, 10 minutes just reconnecting or light sleep is so refreshing when needed, whereas watching any box would do the complete opposite.
Exactly Deanne, television is a drain and all we need to do is feel the difference between 1/2 of television and as you mentioned – a short lie down for re-charge.
That is very true Deanne. Sometimes I will fall asleep watching TV but it is never a restful sleep whereas taking a moment to lie down with the intention to re-connect has been extraordinary for changes to energy level in my day. I would not have known that had I not felt it for myself. I feel particularly tired today so will now ensure I am consciously aware of what will support and what is likely to exacerbate the tiredness. Thank you for the timely comment on a great post.
Great point Deanne. I too used TV, more so movies, to what I would call ‘rest or relax’. However in truth I was not wanting to relax but rather numb out the exhaustion I was feeling from how I was choosing to live and work. I have since discovered that truly resting and relaxing comes from when I am in connection to myself and my body and have an open dialogue with what I am honestly feeling. From there I can choose what is needed next to truly support me and my body to rest and relax.
Fabulous playful blog Mark about something that can overtake and run one’s whole life, potentially one’s whole lifetime could slip past…. The negative impact of television sits in the same category as eating sugar to me – it’s like going down the rabbit hole -the illusion, numbness of the illusion and distraction set in.
When we moved house recently, we made the decision that the TV wouldn’t come with us, because we hardly watched it anyway. It was so lovely to set our sitting room up for connection, with the chairs facing each other for conversation and rest, rather than all facing the TV screen.
Beautiful Rebecca, I notice that in houses where chairs are facing each other and not the tv it does feel soooo much better than the TV being the focus of the room, connection wins.
We removed ours from the front room about 6 months ago – its irritated me there for a long time.. being the centre of attention with all the sofa’s pointed at it. When there was a sitcom being watched day in and day out as they do when you are working through the series, it was like having those people living with you whether you liked it or not! Its been like removing an unwelcome guest who has been there far too long!
Thank you Rebecca, how lovely it feels that you would do this. Just about every home in the country has it’s furniture placed in the sitting room with the TV being the central and dominant figure.
Lovely Rebecca, it is beautiful for a house to be set up for connection with each other rather than setting up the lounge to check out in front of television!
What a great idea, I never thought of it! It is so common to have the TV as the centre point of the house that I did not even question it, but it makes perfect sense and feels very lovely to make the layout of the furniture about connection and rest.
Very true Rebecca – normally the entire furniture in a living room is configured based on where the TV is standing. And when there is no TV, the furniture can be placed in a way to connect to people. A completely different setup and atmosphere in the living room.
Thanks Mark, I love the way you wrote this, very fresh and honest. My experience of TV is more and more that I feel I am wasting my life when I sit on front of the goggle box. It is like an erosion of the quality in my life. I find I can’t sit for more than half an hour without feeling a deep unrest that just grows the longer I stay there. This is brilliant to feel as there is no rules in this, just a deeply feeling in my body.
I so relate Stephen, although I don’t watch TV, I will sometimes watch a movie on DVD or internet. And I also find, just like you, that after half an hour unrest sets in, difficult to concentrate on the movie, and tiredness too. Often these days I don’t finish them anymore… but listen to the body and what it is telling me.
Agree using TV to check out.
Numbs, drains and wastes time. Don’t get me wrong, when I was a teenager I spent many days playing video games and getting lost in the new generations of story lines that completely engulf you.
I’ve played both sides of the fence and the side of dedication and commitment to life sure does beat watching TV.
So glad to hear this Luke as one of my kids is pretty much into the PC games too, not at all TV. So hopefully this kid will grow out of this as well…. and discover how much life and truly living it has to offer.
I love the honesty in your blog and especially the TV’D’s, a great very recognizable list. You demonstrate how awareness is the key to change.
I love that list too – just awesome and we can apply it to all sorts of ‘addictions’ .
Great blog Mark… “letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am” This is key for me and something which holds so very true. People often ask how I do the things that I do, or not do the things that I don’t do as they see it, and this sentence is the answer. It’s not even a conscious decision to not choose something, but one to choose me.
Yes I agree Richard, I love what you share here Jenny as it’s a great point. It’s not about giving up something but about saying yes to who I truly am, beautiful, thank-you.
Beautiful how you describe the downward spiral of an addiction to watching television. Isn’t it weird how we fool ourselves and don’t want to look at the root cause of what is going on?
I guess part of the problem is too that we see all around us this behaviour deemed as ‘normal life’, and then anything outside of that is often perceived as ‘weird, boring etc etc’. So if we ‘think’ all this is normal, then the urge to look beyond is most likely not felt at all, as we perceive ourselves to be just like everyone else…. sadly a comparison that does not involve loving choices …
Great blog, Mark. I love the last paragraph also with how you describe responsibility:
“letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.”
I so love the honesty you express yourself with, Mark. What I am getting is how it can be a struggle if we think we are giving something up to fit into an ideal image of some sort – no matter how good that is; whereas it feels so much more simpler if we make it about saying yes to something – something that could be harming or loving, and that discernment depends on how much honesty and love we allow in ourselves.
Your open and true way of dealing with TV-addiction in your rhythm, Mark, raises my awareness for how addictions work just as a masterpiece of clockwork to avoid being the real me. Having felt this it is easier to read my daily life and clock the different addictions that are there piled up: being ready last minute, wanting to be liked, needing to be seen, being busy every spare minute, …
I agree Mark, from my own experience giving up a behaviour that I know is not supportive without healing the underlying reason why I am doing the behaviour first (and therefore being ready to ditch it) never works in the long term. It has to be a natural progression or step that is the end result of a greater amount of self love and self respect.
I agree Andrew, i love it when something naturally falls away without trying, a natural progression.
And when that occurs, how easy it is and it never comes back even as a ‘temptation’, at least that is my experience with quite a few things that ‘fell away’ when I realised something or shifted something deep within.
Totally agree Andrew when I shortcut this then I know it is a decision from my head and not my heart.
“Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.” So true Mark. We can substitute any number of distractions in place of TV; alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, chocolate, sport, work etc. When we do anything in extremis it is time to look at the reason why -what is the underlying cause? All these fill an emptiness inside and ‘saying yes’ to who we truly are can enable them to gradually fade away.
This is a very honest blog Mark about an important subject. How many people must be affected by this addiction? And yet we don’t openly call it an addiction yet in the same way we do with drugs or food. Maybe this is because TV has become such a comfortable member of almost every household on the planet that we don’t want to look at the true impact this ‘family member’ is having?
That is huge Andrew, because it gives an indication that we do not feel we are enough, that our families are enough, and we fill the airtime with ‘TV chatter’. It means we are less likely to develop really fundamental social skills of being in relationship with each other as we grow up… and these are the foundation of how we then go out into society and interact with everyone else.
So true Simon, a total avoidance of beauty of true relationship.
This is great Andrew, it is interesting how we have allowed this new ‘family member’ into many households and used often in a way to numb, distract and not truly deal with what is happening around us.
Yes Andrew and maybe because the TV’s out number us now. There used to be in most household a single TV, maybe 2 if you were wealthy. Now there are TV’s on your phone, on the fridge, in the bathroom, pretty much everywhere you go but hey we aren’t addicted. Maybe it’s the TV’s that are addicted to us, haha. It’s possible we don’t see the full effects of what the household appliance is having on us, just yet anyway.
This is such an awesome blog Mark because it debunks so many reasons why we make TV or any addiction for that matter ok. It gets you looking a little deeper at the choices you are making and to truly base them on your own experiences rather than those of people around you. So often in life we can make a choice to fit in rather than honouring what we feel for ourselves. It is evident from your blog that the change you have made is true as ‘Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.’ Love how you have claimed back the true you!
Thank you for your honesty and sharing how facing the addiction to television was for you Mark. I have also found that giving up an ‘avoidance’ once I had uncovered it’s insidious hold on my life meant that when I finished with something it was finished for ever. We all have patterns that takes us out – choosing to look deeply at these patterns has been empowering and life giving, it has also allowed me to connect to me and celebrate that.
Very beautiful Christine – especially this : ” …it has also allowed me to connect to me and celebrate that.” Especially the ‘celebration’ part.
This is a much needed blog Mark and one I can relate to 100%, as I am sure many many people will also. Growing up in our household the TV became the main focus and it was not until I reached my 40’s that I started to feel the numbing effect of the TV, and how important it had become in my life. In my observation it takes you away from feeling lonely, stops you thinking about any problems you may be experiencing at the time, wastes time when you don’t know what to do with yourself, gives us an excuse to check out from life and feel relieved from the stress, and we can also use it as a babysitter. One huge side effect of watching too much TV is the lack of interest in the outside world and it re-inforces the resistance in wanting to deal with anything in life. This was my choice of drug for many years.
I agree – where as before the invention of the TV, most houses kitchens where the hub of the family, where almost everything was done and where the family spent their time together having meals etc, now the TV has taken the centre stage, with most families crowding round it and spending the majority of their time in the sitting room. Now family time consists of a movie rather than a conversation or a meal at the table.
This is an excellent point Rebecca. The definition of ‘family time’ and the hub of the house has changed dramatically since the invention of TV. There is a TV in almost every room of my house at home, even out side! It is a bit sad to see the reality of what has happened, that true family connection and love has been replaced by numbing and distraction by watching the TV.
In an already anxious state about life, I would often use TV as a substitute for being with people. Too anxious to go outside, the TV would make me feel like I was still a part of what was happening in the world, without actually having to be outside in amongst it. It’s like the TV would provide a safe way to be in relationship with all that is life, a safe way that I could control, just by flicking through the channels.
So true Shami, TV can provide an ideal comfortable means of distracting ourselves to the fact we are disengaging with life whilst engrossed in the screen.
It’s true. TV can keep us in the illusion that we are actually connecting with people and with life. But in reality we are retreating. It is purely a distraction from real life and does not support us in connecting and expressing with others. In this way it can be seen as being retarding.
Wow Mark thank you for sharing your very clear understanding of what TV can truly do to you.
It is incredible to read all the different effects – which I too can relate to – and to see the TV for what it is- a way to shut off from the world.
It is very easy to get comfortable with a habit or something we can own as our own. And it also seems we are prone to wanting some form of comfort in our lives, so whether it is drugs, alcohol, food or TV it all comes down to the same thing of a way that is ours and only ours to shut out the world.
But the understanding you bring to TV is very beautiful and something deeply inspiring for others to learn from.
Yes Hannah – comfort is killing us…
Cool article, Mark, and such a hot topic. Specially reading this in early January, when people make so many resolutions to give up this or that. It’s very inspirational to not see it as “giving up”, but as “saying yes to who I truly am”. Brilliant.
So true Felix as the ‘giving up’ never truly works because it comes from ‘letting go of something we think we love/like, therefore thinking we are denying ourselves something even though we may know it’s not good for us. Connecting to what we truly feel and starting to making more loving choices allows for true change and re-connection to who we truly are.
Mark, this is great to read. I used to watch a lot of t.v as a child, that was what we did in the evenings as a family – sit in front if the t.v, this was what most families I knew did. I can feel it seemed ‘normal’ at the time, but on reflection how this stopped us connecting with each other. About 5 years ago I made the decision to not have a t.v and I do not miss it at all, it now seems very ‘normal’ to not have a t.v and to come home, talk with my family about how we are and what has happened in our days.
I can say I have also experienced all those T.V.D’s you’ve mentioned Mark. Giving up T.V is something I have not regretted as it got to the point I would watch a movie and then it would play on repeat in my mind and in my dreams for months afterwards! It’s simply not worth it as I would then get frustrated for the feedback loop being there. Wanting to connect with others is also something I had strongly experienced while watching T.V with others, much prefer to talk through the very predictable movie (often saying out loud what was going to happen as no movie is original these days, they follow a standard path) and wanting to engage and connect with the other person. But connection and numbing are like the same ends of a magnet – numbing does not want to connect, it wants to numb and disconnect. I loved reading the part where you have come to the awareness of what TV does, but there feels like a level of acceptance in not instantly cutting out T.V but feeling your way through it. Just dropping something we are told or think or believe is bad for us without feeling it doesn’t heal anything and accepting that it’s a process that needs to happen feels very supportive, Thank you Mark.
Mark great to read your blog – one of your last sentences jumped out at me – ‘that making choices are from a place that is saying YES to all of me’ – what a massive confirmation as to why it make so much sense to do what feels right in the body. Breaking down the habits that we have been so dedicated at and let them go, which can only happen as you say from a place when you are ready to.
Yes, Mark. In my experience with other kinds of ‘addictions’ it is not about denying yourself or using discipline. True change occurs when we are open to seeing the harm something is causing us, and loving ourselves too much to let it continue.
Beautifully expressed Janet, thank you.
Yes, when we have a stronger foundation of love addictions seem to lose their strength, as Mark says, ‘Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.’ Loving ourselves too much to let the addictions continue is key to lasting change.
I love what you have written Janet: “True change occurs when we are open to seeing the harm something is causing us, and loving ourselves too much to let it continue.” Loving ourselves too much is the best medicine ever and it is sad that it is out of fashion so to speak.
That is so true Janet; we have to feel the full extent of the harm our addictions are causing us as this changes our attitude. The loving of self does the rest.
For a few months I’ve observed my attachment (addiction) to a ‘healthy’ food, nuts and recognised that I used them to fill an emptiness I still have. I stopped to ask myself what I gained from eating nuts: sweetness, comfort, safety, numbing. The consequence of constantly filling and numbing myself is it stops me from fully surrendering to the love that I am. Thank you Mark for this: ‘it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am’.
Mark, I can relate to what you say about your relationship with your dad. I feel my father did not know how to relate either and he used to watch hours of TV. If I wanted to feel connected to him I would go and watch it with him. As a little girl I used to sit on his lap while he watched TV. This was my way of feeling close to him, but I can feel now looking back that his attention was not truly on me it was on the TV, even though at the time we may both have thought we were connecting.
This is a timely blog Mark. For years, in my 30’s and 40’s I chose not to have a TV. Then my Dad bought one for me, I accepted it and the slow addiction began. I’m back to no TV. When the old one died three months ago, I didn’t rush to replace it. I found that because I lived with myself, TV became my companion, someone I came home to and often switched on the moment I walked in. Selective about what I watched and for the past few years, never watched beyond 8-9 pm, but still the pull to watch was there and still is via my lap top where I watch the news and catch up TV. But it feels different, a step away from zoning out on the sofa before the box in the corner. It’s likely I will replace the TV but I’m in no hurry to do so. But it’s not TV, per se, it’s how we relate to and use it. With more purpose in life, there is lots of space for me to be me and less doing nothing and numbing myself. Watching TV aimlessly is like wasting away life, in other people’s worlds, not our own.
A much needed blog Mark. I’m sure most people in the world are unaware of the effects of watching TV or that they are actually addicted to it. I have lived without a TV for many many years and am so much happier within myself. I used to find that TV made me depressed. I much prefer living my own life rather than watching other people live theirs.
This is beautiful Mark so honest and shows the real choices of love from feeling your body and not being told to and giving up things approach where when we weaken we reward ourselves back to these things again so its a slippery merry go round. Your amazing commitment and responsibility to yourself now stands out lovingly as an inspiration for all to see.
I haven’t had any addictions to alcohol, drugs or anything of that nature, but addictions to sugar and T.V were up there at the top. I would say they were my drugs and like all forms of drugs I used them to numb and bury what I did not want to feel about life. Like you, Mark I would push my body to stay up later than it wanted so I could get to the end of a program and then would be tired the next day. However, gradually and slowly over time I could feel the impact watching TV had on my body…I could definitely feel the drain you speak of, the mental stimulation and the dulling of my awareness and the numbing out. There are still times when I feel the pull to watch TV but before I cave into the craving I ask myself, what is it that I don’t want to feel? This provides the perfect stop.
Understanding what makes us choose something like watching TV or anything else to numb ourselves and observing the effects of it, is key in then making a decision to stop doing it. It has to come from love that we give up something, that is not working for us. I can go without watching movies or series for a long time, to then find myself going back to watching again. I am feeling the effects of it when I watch and I see it around me too. The most disturbing effect is that I am disconnected from the people around me, my family, when I choose to watch TV and in truth who wants that, I know I don’t. Thank you Mark for your honest report on the effects of watching TV
So true Katinka, “It has to come from love that we give up something”. I have found this to be essential and a thousand times more successful than when I have attempted to come from a belief, ideal or theory. Observing the real effects of our activities from a position of love provides us with an irrefutable benchmark from which to evaluate an activity’s true worth. Anything that harms our bodies in any way is not worthy of our attention, we are such delicate, glorious beings and so often the more we realise that, the easier it becomes to let them go. Staying connected with ourselves and our family members is so much more enjoyable, nothing can compare.
TV can be a drug like any other that can take us away from life and cause separation from others. TV sport fosters the separation and tribalism pitting one group against another or individual against another and affecting the mood of millions as they feel elated or deflated according to who ‘wins’.The TV wins.
Well put – the TV wins. Makes the whole thing so ridiculous!
Mark thank you for your sharing. This line really stood out for me “When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.” This is the key choosing to be all that we are, any less causes distraction and numbness. Thank you for this reminder as lately I was getting distracted and numb with silly things and was wondering what was going on. It really is about constantly choosing to be all that we are.
It is not about giving something up, it is saying YES to you, I love that. We can only change a habit when we do it for ourselves. No one can tell us to give up something, we are the only ones who can say YES to who we are.
So true Mariette – saying YES to our selves is all it takes, sounds easy doesn’t it ….
Great blog Mark thank you, my friend. I wanted to add to your D’s by mentioning the devaluing content of tv – it really is shocking the way much of it comes with the energy of this is what you want to know and it is very dumbing down and imposing.
So true Simon the energy coming through the TV is so often very imposing and patronising and I can now recognise how draining I found it.
The box that is used for everything from checking out to be the baby sitter for the kids that was once a big heavy box in the house that we glued our self too has moved to every size imaginable and portable to insure we can plug in everywhere 24/7. Ah the days when the Matix will allow us to be plugged in directly will be the ultimate check out. Life with out TV is just that… Life.
And life moves at a much slower pace, with out special effects. The real world can become a bit dull when compared with the hyped up, special effects version given on TV and in movies. TV is a great tool for losing the ability to see the magic of life.
I love the honesty that you have shared here Mark. I haven’t owned or had a TV for over 10 years now and I can’t imagine a life with one. I love the space and freedom that I feel in my home by not owning a TV. I also love that my flat mate and I sit down and connect whenever we are home together, we communicate and share, which I am sure would be different if we had a TV that was on.
When I was at University I lived in a share house that didn’t have a TV. Generally we always had people in the house as we would all get together and connect. It was amazing to feel how drawn people were to the house because it was about connection.
Me too Donna – since I don’t have a TV, I have much more time for myself and other people, which is great. Sitting in front of the TV always felt like I wasted my time and a connection to other people never really happened because how can I connect to somebody, when I’m not connected to myself ? Normally I checked out in front of the TV. I’m so grateful, that my life has changed a lot and that I don’t need a TV any more.
I can certainly relate to having been addicted to the television, having previously been addicted to books, both used to distract me from the seemingly never ending challenges my life was throwing at me, and the ensuing exhaustion was a great excuse to switch on the telly and relax. Now that the challenges have dramatically reduced and the exhaustion is almost nonexistent I have to scramble for a reason to watch TV – but I usually can find one – and from watching that one occasional programme I can feel the power of the addiction trying to pull me back in to watching ‘just one more”. I have so much in my life these days that I choose to do and one TV watching hour in my day is one hour less for me to do what is to be done. I know that getting rid of the TV is not the answer, but what is holding me in that last little bit of addictive energy is the crucial question.
It is an interesting question Ingrid what holds me from letting go of the last bit of time in the day that is just for me, a time to check out, or numb or even the need to reward myself for working hard the rest of the day.
I agree – great question to ponder upon and drag it up out of the last pockets of hiding, to be looked at and discarded for the check-out device that it is…
TV is an addiction no different to drugs and alcohol, I love how you expose this in your blog Mark.
Any form of addiction is as bad as another. I know this because I used to be addicted to drugs of all sorts then for a while I gave them up and took up hours of yoga each day, this turned out to be another addiction. I could not go a day without doing yoga. I may have given up the drugs but because I did not deal with the underlying reason of why I needed them in the first place I simply replaced one distraction for another.
I love this blog Mark a very honest and humorous account of your TV addiction that any person can relate to and be inspired by. Thank you
TV is a strange one. I enjoyed watching it for a long time as well but then we moved and I made it slightly harder to watch TV and suddenly I stopped watching altogether without any effort. TV is curious – people who watch TV expend less energy than even those who do nothing at all. It slows down our metabolism very nicely.
TV can be such a big numbing tool to us that we unconsciously use to distract ourselves form our obligations in the world. Thank you Mark for your detailed listing of T.V. D’s where TV does interfere with us, and is actually harming our being and our expression.
Your words remind me Mark of how TV was for me a constant friend, a stand in human-being who always had something to say every day, was colourful, loud and entertaining and would give me their full attention. Looking back I can see how I preferred a TV in many ways to people. There was no confrontation or anger, or at least if there was, I could always change the channel. Today I can look back and see how the TV wasn’t actually fulfilling me, but just draining, numbing and temporarily satiating my true desire for connection and intimacy. Although I no longer have a TV I’ve been seeing recently how this numbing behaviour can come in equally with food, work, relationships or the internet too. It’s brilliant though to be able to see this and know I am being called to return to my true station and program – to be more intimate and true.
Brilliant blog Mark, i love your T.V.D’s list… makes complete sense, and is very true
Me too Johanne – it is awesome and can be applied to so many other check-out things.
This is gorgeous Mark, I love your powers of self observation and your total willingness to be so open and honest. Your ending line, “Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.” This is the greatest ending there ever could be. You just so simply and clearly outlined why no New Years Resolution works, if it is about thinking you have to give up something instead of claiming what it is you are getting it is a constant vicious cycle of will power, one difficult choice after the next. Truly brilliant Mark, thank you 🙂
Great topic Mark as it is common in our society to be absorbed in TV especially at night usually wanting to check out after the days work. I discovered a little while ago that when I muted the adds in between the show I was watching that my whole body would let go of the tension/anxiety it was holding which had built up through watching a show. This was only a matter of 1/2hr in front of the TV. This proved to me that while watching TV there is a definite stimulation to the body causing it to tighten up and become quite racy. I felt the body was thanking me when muting the adds as it could return to a more relaxed state. You can imagine what state the mind and body are in when watching a whole night of tv without sapping the adds. No wonder it is difficult to go to sleep or even feel revitalised in the morning on waking.
There has been different periods of my life where watching TV felt different to me. I used to rely on watching TV to deeply numb and even to fall asleep every night when I was younger. Around 8 years ago, I still watched the occasional movie to find that I still fell asleep everytime and ended up not finishing watching anything. Now even if I sit for 10 mins in front of the TV, I know it is already far too much and I get restless and would have to stop. I needed TV to numb before, and choosing to not numb anymore, watching TV then clearly feels harming.
Mark I can relate to every T.V.’D’ point you make. I’d already started admitting these ‘D’s to myself so one night I thought I’ll just have one last TV binge before I gave it up (yeah, for a day or so!) so watched the remaining episodes of a series.
In the morning I knew I didn’t feel right, like I had a hangover – I’d let in the energy of what I’d been watching. All day I couldn’t shake this and knew my work with people was suffering. Then someone pulled out in front of me when I was driving and I couldn’t stop in time so we crashed. Such a clear sign that I was letting in energy from watching TV that was smashing me.
Despite this I still haven’t given TV up but it’s on the cards. Now it’s difficult to find anything I actually want to watch. I use TV to numb feelings of emptiness so am building a relationship with myself so I no longer need to numb out.
Thank you for your honesty Karin because it is very needed that we are more honest with each other. It is so ironic that we are using TV to fill emptiness while watching TV is actually creating the emptiness.
Yes, anything but reconnecting with oneself, will only bring greater emptiness. If what we’re doing comes from a need then we’re asking the world to fill us up and the world isn’t who we are so we get filled up with what we’re not and lose ourselves further.
I have so much respect for you Mark for making changes that feel true to you rather than to change it because others are doing it also. The truth is following or copying what we are told is true does not allow us to reach truth, it only gives us a picture which is never reachable by skipping the steps in between, so what we think we have reached is never true, when in fact, there is no one destinative picture to work towards in love or truth.
I love what you say Adele – I know I have copied what others have done all my life and I am now realising that as you say it ‘only gives us a picture which is never reachable by skipping the steps in between’. When we begin to take these steps for ourselves we can truly feel the difference and begin to unfold and explore who we truly are.
I agree Adele, this is huge. Mark’s honesty allows me to feel that I still choose many things because I want to ‘fit in’. In the long run this never works and I lose sight of who I am. I love the fact that Mark allowed himself to feel what affect TV was having on his body and life, his observations have allowed me to see the full picture when it comes to TV.
Very important reminder Adele that copying what we are told is not the way to love or truth.
The way to love or truth can only ever be coming from within, to truly connect deeply and ascertain what is there and how does it feel.
I found this blog super informative and appreciate the deeper understanding offered of the deep and entwined short and long term effects of unhealthy TV watching patterns.
I watched very little TV growing up or in adulthood however i can see how relatable this is to us all – it may not be TV but what other means, tools or avenues to we turn to to take the edge off life, not be aware, escape or withdraw from life.? There is a smorgasbord on offer every moment. The question is one of responsibility and commitment to life which you have demonstrated in your blog Mark and whether we are saying and living a true yes to this and to what degree.
I like this line Mark … ‘it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am’. The only way I’ve found to truly make changes is to choose loving myself more.
I like this approach Anne. In this way there is nothing forbidden and no will power needed. It’s just about saying yes to more loving choices.
And we are far more likely to sustain the choice.
Indeed – as it is impulsed from within and not from the head. So much more powerful and sustainable. And easy in the process too.
That’s it Anne and Mark, letting go of things that don’t support us is the way to make changes in our life. Years ago, I stopped smoking. I was 28 and I remember distinctly saying to myself, I’m not quitting smoking, I’m choosing to no longer be a smoker. That was it for me…I wobbled a few times in the early days, but never returned to smoking because I knew it wasn’t supporting me in anyway, and so I chose more love for myself.
True Anne, when I follow an idea or rule to change my behaviour it has never ever has been a true change. It could take a while or longer but I would come back to my former not supportive behaviour. When it comes from feeling me inside and support the love that I am, it can come back too but when I stay true to myself eventually it will change and last. Even to a point that I cannot even imagine that it was such a big deal to give it up in the first place.
I can relate to your ‘plight’ Mark. I still watch movies and sometimes get hooked into a TV series as well, but every time I do I get a niggling sense that something is not right for me to do this yet … I persist. After reading your blog I am feeling more resolved to honour my knowing at times when it whispers – ‘that movie is not a loving idea right now’ or ‘what are you checking out from now Jeannette” ‘How about doing some gentle exercise to support the pain in your back instead?’ Love it, thanks for sharing it is very inspiring.
Mark, I would love to not look at this issue at all. TV is a seductive and entertaining, body numbing, time sucking, allowing issue that I quite enjoy at times. I also know I love it when I don’t have a TV at all. There is more space and more conversation. I go to bed when I feel to without the pull of just watching something else, I don’t feel I’m missing out on something if I am not watching it and there is no temptation to turn it on instead of doing something else or just being with others. I find that TV can take me away from feeling what is true for me and so I miss an opportunity to grow and express and that feels sad.
I love movies and some great tv programs, and I feel that I can occasionally watch things that I might enjoy but not at the expense of the way I want to live my life and not at the expense of my relationships with others. It is easy for the television to be on whenever there is an awkward moment or to fill up an emptiness, when it could be used more wisely. Now having ways we can watch things when we choose to rather than when a tv station programs it means we can watch that well chosen program when we want to and turn it off when we have finished, and some days we don’t need to turn it on at all.
Mark, this is a really super post, love the honesty too, you nail some really fantastic aspects of TV, and love the TVD’s (!!) . Whatever it is, when we become aware, and act on the awareness, there is such freedom.
Thanks very much for this honest blog about the way we can use TV to numb out and distract. It is a big one! I was brought up in the days where there was no TV and I can remember immensely enjoying life without it. But I got very hooked on some programs once Tv entered our town, stage right, in about 1962. Then for many more years in student digs we never had TV, or when it was there we were too interested in expounding our philosophies of life at night to get into it. Some years later very at the age of 26 when I began a new and long relationship with my husband-to-be, we would watch TV and I found it compelling! There is still something in me that likes to watch an hour of it a night if there are no people to engage with. It is interesting to observe what I pick and why I pick it. What exactly am I using TV for? For example now that I have got to the bottom of my issue of betrayal I no longer need to watch movies about betrayal! I have seen that there are definitely occasions when I am going for comfort, and there are times I am using it for research and to keep on the pulse of what is being reflected back to society about how we are living.
I so agree Mark – it can be such a drain on life if we give our power away to it.
I think that is an important distinction you make Lyndy. TV is not the big baddy, it is our relationship with it that makes the difference.
Your comment that “it is better for me to make changes that are true for me, rather than to change a behaviour because someone else does” – is pure gold. There is nothing like truly feeling how things really affect us, taking responsibility for our state of being and then making different choices. These choices then last forever and have nothing to do with willpower or motivation, they are organically and intrinsically our very own choices.
Absolutely Gabriele if we makes changes for someone else or because of someone else rather than based on how we are feeling then it has no substance, conviction or true foundation.
… and to carry this on Andrew – it will not last and often bitterness may set in as we didn’t feel it for ourselves but did it to please, impress, belong or whatever the reason may have been.
Well said Gabriele. When we make a change because we can feel how it is affecting us, there is no willpower or control needed. It’s not even about saying no to whatever it is, it’s about saying yes to more love for ourselves, and in turn, for others.
I love this Sandra – “…saying yes to more love for ourselves” – and this in turn can not do anything else but emanate and expand out as love is forever expanding.
Thanks for a great blog Mark. One of the things that I have also found is that it’s easy to slip into feeling resentful or hard done by when facing up to the need to change a behaviour. It can seem as if I am somehow being penalised. Of course I realise that this doesn’t make a lot of sense and that there is more to look at, but it none the less shows how much we can fight ourselves about leaving the familiar behind, such as using the TV to numb and distract ourselves, even when we know the rewards are so huge.
I don’t have much time for watching TV on a daily basis any more but there was certainly a time in my life when I would have found it quite distressing if I hadn’t had my TV time, Like I had missed out on something important happening. I then discovered what I call TV bingeing grabbing a series and watching it for three days in a row, you quickly discover the writers formula for episodes and how unoriginal each episode is. I also felt drained, a fuzzy head and it took me a few days to come out of the haze. It was a great big checkout form life and everything, which I know soemtimes we feel we want to do but at what cost, the question I had to ask was how am I living that I feel I need to check out?
Nicole, I remember this. In the UK when I was at school we adopted Home & Away and Neighbours from Australia and there was nothing stopping almost the entire year watching it at lunch time in the common room. We would not have missed an episode for the world. It was religious, sacrosanct and completely obsessive. We were most definitely addicted.
Yep I have felt that too, even when I watched something that was rubbish I still would not get up and turn the tv off but would sit and watch it thinking ‘this is rubbish’ it was like a really horrible energy I could feel keeping my eyes and mind transfixed to the tv. I would have to really consciously snap out of it, turn it off and walk away.
Totally know that TV fix Nicole, immerse in a complete checkout – feel completely drained and exhausted from sitting on the couch through all the mental exertion, drama and suspense no doubt and then still want more. What do we knowingly choose when we sign up for a TV series?
As you say Mark it is not about giving something up but of “saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am”. It now nearly 10 years since I have had a television and it has felt so liberating as I can relate so well to your TV’d’s.
Yes I agree, one of the best decisions we ever made (aside from attending the Universal Medicine events!) was to give up the T.V. Apart from the quality of programmes, the sheer amount of time that one can waste is extraordinary and these days there are far more interesting things to be doing and enjoying. Awesome to break out of the addiction and discover that there are so many more things to do that truly support us to evolve.
This is brilliant Mark. Imagine counting up all the hours spent watching TV even for a week, and then looking at what you could be doing instead….. My TV watching has significantly reduce over the years and like you this choice then opens up so much more space for other things.
I agree Sally, i know for myself it brings about more purpose and commitment to life.
Yes Marcia, and not just that – it just feels so different in the body, when there is no need to fully check out. It is an awesome feeling that the energy is there to be and interact and do what needs or wants doing. Love it.
True Sally the average person could probably take on another full time job if they calculated how much time they wasted watching tv
Your probably right Joe, it’s amazing how much time goes on watching tv when we could be spending time with ourselves and some gentle exercise.
The things we do to distract and reduce not only what we feel, but what we are capable to achieving, all for the much coveted ‘reward’ for not achieving all that we could…classic.
A classic indeed – and one that Mark has so beautifully unravelled and debunked. Its validity reaches far beyond TV, it covers everything we do that takes us away from who we truly are.
Hear hear Gabriele and Joel – so true. Time to really reflect on what does still take us away from our true self and feel within why that may be so, so that we then can make more different choices again.
And so the cycle continues on until we put a stop to it by sayijg Yes to the all of us and begin to live our true potential.
I love this Deborah – “…saying Yes to the all of us and begin to live our true potential.”
Mark your blog here is very relatable for me. Tv for me is a great marker as to how I am in my rhythms. If I feel the need to watch tv lately, I usually catch myself and can feel I have made that choice without presence and my mind is saying, I’ll just watch a few minutes of this show, totally sabotaging staying connected to me and it is usually when there is something that needs my attention and I am not yet wanting to address it. And what you share here about choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done,
this is so true, as my love needs no fillers, it is absolutely enough.
Julie I can relate to this …’ I usually catch myself and can feel I have made that choice without presence and my mind is saying, I’ll just watch a few minutes of this show, totally sabotaging staying connected to me and it is usually when there is something that needs my attention and I am not yet wanting to address it.’ Thanks for reminding me of this pattern of avoidance that I have slipped into lately.
Brilliant Mark. Looking back I can see how much of living I missed out on by being ensnared by the lure of the television or, worse for me, getting lost in books and then walking around in my day still thinking about the book or the program. I also used to have a book and TV together, reading during the ads! Not really present with my family. I was not being fully present and committed in other areas of my life either as I was always escaping into my mind and into the scenarios the books and TV had planted in me. I suspect this happens to many.
Having time and space for so many other things now that you rarely watch TV or for me, ever read novels means more true connection with others and also, importantly, with ourselves, no longer avoiding life and people, but embracing them and it.
Jeanette I used to watch TV to late and then I would go to bed and read a book until my eyes could no longer focus. Of course I’d wake up tired (but that was my normal), kick start the day with a few coffees, and check out with a book at any available moment. And I called that living! It is great to reflect on this now, and see where and when shades of this behaviour still re-emerge at times.
Gosh Jeanette reading your comment reminded me that I would do that too. Read a novel in the adds…..what a desperate measure to not have a minute to connect with yourself. It also reminded me that I would take a novel with me everywhere and if I had any time between what I was doing I would read it, even at school I would have it under the desk and escape into my latest fantasy story. I would use it to avoid my self and people. How different my life is now thanks to Serge Benhayon who supported me to see that every-thing I need is already with in and no TV show or novel can ever be as good as connecting with my-self and then others.
Oh yes Mary-Louise the hours I lost to reading to avoid myself and other people…
This is lovely Fiona – … “I have learnt to develop a much truer connection with myself that I can now take to everyone whom I meet; ” What a freeing way to be and live with no more bind to external stimulation that do not support us but hinder us from true connection to our self and others.
Gosh Jeanette, I can relate to what you are saying, I would go to bed and first would read a novel and couldn’t stop until it was finished. I tried to stop and go to sleep by saying to myself ‘when this chapter is finished I will go to sleep’. Sometimes I managed to do so and couldn’t sleep because I needed to know how the plot would go further. Often I would say the same thing after every chapter but couldn’t stop and would finish the book. This could be at 5 am while I had to get up at 7 am and my days were full of anxiousness because of this reward in escaping, truly horrible because of the complete absence of a connection with myself, other people and life in general.
Thank you Mark for exposing, through sharing your own person experience, of how addictive and debilitating television can be. Because it is now so part of the present day culture its addictive quality is not generally discussed yet its impact is huge, as you so clearly share. This is a topic of how damaging and invasive the influence of television is deserves to be far more publically addressed.
This is powerful Jeanette, so many of us now have phones to reach for in the ad breaks or anytime we don’t really want to watch what we are looking at anyway – that bored of what we are doing but keeping that going while we do something else – a check out within a check out?
Great observation – and well named – a checkout within a checkout – so true. And I observe that a lot, even in conversations with people often there seems to be a momentary checkout by some people when in the middle of conversations the phone gets picked up to be looked at, fleetingly so but still a check-out.
I completely agree Jeanette, as one who used to day dream my life away, head always somewhere else and never in the present moment with my body I know all about how to escape reality. Having ditched the T.V and binned the books, life is so much more enjoyable these days, being present and connected with myself and with others is so much more fun and fulfilling, there is nothing on this earth that can entice me back to my old ways.
In the past I would come home from work and one of the first things I would do is put the television on. I would then be glued to the television often with a glass of wine in my hand to numb out all that I didn’t want to feel from my day.
Yes Fiona, I remember turning on the TV would be the first thing I did when I came into the house. It would remain on even if no one was in the room. It was like having company or some background noise. In a way I think I was trying to avoid the silence and what that might bring up. I definitely used the TV to distract myself.
That kind of behaviour is very common, as when most people have been tired out by a day at work they automatically go to the TV for some relief, and it for me is to rewire my brain to instead go for a walk or talk to someone if my day has been tough.
I relate too Rebecca, to talk to someone and share, or go for a walk is a connecting way to round the day off, still being present to self and what is going on within.
Thanks Mark for this frank and honest account of your “addiction”.Many people in the world would not consider TV an addiction, but I agree with you, it truly is. And thankyou Serge and Universal Medecine for reminding us all that there are many other wonderful things to be doing with our spare time like walking in and admiring the beauty of nature, lovingly preparing nourishing meals, reading amazing books, connecting with people and expressing ourselves in blogs and articles..!
This is a great point, Tim, when I face an addiction, to honestly feel into the possible choices. When I honestly feel the alternative choices I get much more real about what I choose for myself and for the people I live with.
Sounds awesome Felix – it is back to truly feeling into it and honestly so; that will allow us to see what is truly going on and perhaps allowing then for a different choice, supportive of self and all.
I agree Tim. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have woken me up to the fact that it is so rewarding and enjoyable to live with conscious presence. I have become aware of different levels of presence in everything I do. The truth is even when I am seemingly there with my attention I can be miles away.
Mark I love your honesty in stating how harming excessive TV can be- a big distraction which stops us from connecting to our body to really feel what is needed in that moment e.g. perhaps a walk, social gathering with friends, cook a nurturing meal , some gentle exercise. TV is something so accessible and acceptable these days but do we stop and allow ourself to really feel what it is doing to our body as you have done? And what about the detrimental effects it can have on children,? This is worth pondering upon.
Yes, the quick, easy and accessible fix and solution is not necessarily the answer nor what is truly needed by us and being called for.
It is definitely worth pondering on Loretta I agree. Observing not only the physical effects but the mental, emotional and sociological effects too. So much of what is broadcast creates a very false perception of the world, a perception that many then compare themselves and their lives to and create false expectations they cannot live up to.
We use distraction (in its many forms) to delay living the truth that we already know inside. If we didn’t already know it, we wouldn’t try to numb it.
Yes Carmin I certainly know I’m delaying ‘living the truth we already are’ when I numb out to TV. I’ve always had this notion that without all that distraction they’d be an emptiness I can’t handle but actually this isn’t true.
It’s a great realisation isn’t it Karin – that it is not true that there will be an emptiness if we stop checking out… I find that too – no emptiness, just so much more space and connection to my self as well as others.
Carmin, I love this, we do know the truth and we also know precisely how to dull our awareness and numb what we are feeling. I know far more than I care to admit even to myself. I play it dumb or less in order to not stand up and take responsibility because if I don’t know then someone else will have to do it for me. How conventiently comfortable is that?
Exactly Carmin well said.
Mark Payne you are stupendous. Stupendous for making the changes you have, stupendous for sharing it with the World and stupendous for being YOU. This is a blog that so many people will be able to relate to. THANK YOU!
Yes Shevon,
This article is so very relatable and a gift to all who come across it.
I agree, Shevon, and not only many people with TV-addiction can relate to this article. Whatever addiction I might have chosen is lovingly handled in the way Mark lived, studied and mastered his choices around TV-watching and self-loving.
Love this Felix – watching and self-loving – is the key, to be truly watching and observing and then bring self loving choices in to see how what we have observed, is affecting us and then make these loving choices.
What a beautiful acknowledgment of Mark, Shevon and I wholeheartedly agree! The humility, honesty and straightforwardness in the blog about a subject that many can identify with is stupendous!
tv is highly damaging if we choose to check out in front of it. Absolutely 100% agree with you and your blog and have also felt the crazy damaging effects from it all.. I do not watch much at all these days but will watch something if I do have the feeling to but am very aware of how I am when watching it
Being aware while watching TV would be an unusual concept for many and perhaps not the intention behind why TV watching is often chosen.
That’s true, Deborah.
Yes exactly, I’d say most likely not the intention – quite the opposite I’d say.., numbing people into not thinking for themselves and instead allowing to be bombarded with stuff so not conducive to awareness or well-being… it appears to be just a huge distraction and delay device.
I understand what you are saying here Natasha.
I watch very little TV now, but choose to be aware when I do. I am noticing though, that in being aware that I do feel dulled as opposed to how I felt before watching TV. A bigger understanding is unfolding here for me. As all of life has moments that affect us, even when we are fully present. It is opening up for greater honesty in how I am feeling and for gentle ponder as to what exactly affects me and why.
Watching TV right before bed affects my sleep and how I wake up – the severity of this will depend on the kind of show. A couple of years ago I was watching shows like ‘Dexter’ and ‘Breaking Bad’, right before bed. This was terrible for my anxiety as I would end up dreaming about it after being so highly stimulated on all the drama and then wake up exhausted.
Another thing TV is awesome for, is, like you said Mark de-motivating you and effectively keeping you depressed. More than 2 hours of TV and I feel so sluggish that I can’t think of anything better to do, so I keep going…And despite how horrible I feel, I feel like I’m stuck in a vortex and there’s no way out.
I noticed a similar thing with TV and sleep. Whenever I watched TV in the evening, especially if it was something dramatic (which includes the news these days!) my sleep would not be anywhere as good as when I did not watch TV. As a result how I wake up the next day and how tired I feel the next day, how much work I can get done in the next day all gets affected by one TV program!
Yeah, it just shows the damaging effect doesn’t it? And to imagine then the damage inflicted when TV is used for babysitting purposes…..
Exactly Andrew – what of the cumulative affect of TV day in day out, imagine the productivity if we all switched the TV off for a day.
Elodie, I no longer watch the TV, but when I started to cut down on the hours I spent in front of it, I did notice I could not watch scary movies just before bed, because they would play on my mind and disturb my sleep. The other thing that would seem to jangle my nerves was music videos. I used to find it hard to be in the room when my children had music channels on. I think we are much more sensitive to what comes out of our TVs than we care to notice.
Yes good point Debra, what are we allowing into our lounge rooms? If we think about it, would we welcome or invite in what comes through the TV or media if it came knocking at the front door?
I know exactly what you mean Elodie! A few weeks ago I got quite into a book, and was reading it a lot throughout the day. It was a fantasy book with some violence in it, and it was certainly hooking. Reading it before bed had the same effect as you shared – caused strange dreams, anxiety and a ‘glazed over feeling’ being the main ones!
Thanks for your honest telling of how TV has affected you Mark.
I can relate to a lot of what you’ve said. I have massively reduced my TV watching in the last year when I realised that it was actually depressing me.
Whilst I don’t feel like I have time for it anymore, I notice that the times I do miraculously have time for it, is when I’ve had a difficult week or day and need to ‘unwind’, in other words, ‘check out’, and numb my exhaustion or anxiety.
Interesting how we self medicate with TV.
Yes Elodie, I can fall into that pattern after an exhausting day at work. My mind tells me I just want some time to unwind but it’s really an excuse to not be with myself and feel into why the day felt so big for me.
Elodie, I love how you state “Interesting how we self medicate with TV.”. This is a term that is not yet fully understood, we all can relate to medicine that is dispensed by our doctors and pharmacists, but it is not a commonality just yet to see life choices as either good or bad medicine. Each choice we make either feeds us or depletes us. As Mark so beautifully outlined TV completely depleted him and caused anxiousness in his life, by ceasing his TV watching his sleeping patterns improved he felt less drained and more committed to life, if that is not great medicine I don’t know what is. Thank you again Mark, you show how simple medicine truly can be.
Yes Caroline, this is great medicine. It wasn’t prescribed by a doctor, it came from Mark himself, when he was willing to take the care to understand and look deeper into something he knew was draining him.
I love it Caroline, to look at lifestyle choices as medicine. If you could bottle a pill that eases anxiousness and improves sleep that would be good medicine, why would we not call a prescription of “no TV” good medicine?
Yes Bernard , I also love what Caroline shares too: “if that’s not good medicine then I don’t know what is” with the truth behind the word ‘medicine’ not solely being assigned to ingestion of a tablet/liquid etc. Medicine is an ingestion of life itself and its quality. Imagine going to the Doctors and the written prescription given was “no TV”… instead of, or in addition to pills or supplements (!)
Absolutely the crazy thing is its not medicine anyway .. just another form of checking out and not wanting to feel.
Your comment about it depressing you is really interesting, because that would make a lot of sense – TV can make us feel like we have company – voices, the lives and dramas of the people on scree, and yet because its not real, it would be rather depressing when the tv is turned off and reality does settle back in
This is a great point Rebecca, I have heard several people at work say I only have the TV for company, and at break time everyone talks about what’s going on in the latest soap as if its part of their own lives.
Yeah wow, like the characters have replaced true relationships. All the reality programs are playing into this.
Wow Elodie to watch TV as a self medication is an interesting way to look at it and I have to admit that it was for me like that in the past. It is so freeing to have now other possibilities to deal with my anxiety and they are definitely not adding to it as did the TV watching.
Mark, I can relate to numbing myself with various drugs including television although for me my relationship with television came to a fairly abrupt end when I could not longer handle the sensationalism and repetition of television. I decided to pack my television away into a box and pop it up in the attic and haven’t got it down since. What I did notice though was as soon as I got rid of the television, I replaced it with listening to the radio. I would listen to BBC Radio 4, which if you do not know it is a radio channel free from any advertisements and with the least sensationalist new broadcasts of all the different radio channels. I would listen to the news primarily but I noticed that I could not be with myself and I would feel more tired at the end of the day so eventually that went too.
Fiona, very interesting and insightful to be so super-honest about the ‘replacement factor’ of the radio over TV, they have the same effect, ultimately that of numbing from feeling how we are in life with ourselves, and how connected we are. The lack of connection generates an opening for there to be ‘stuff’ that can enter. When it’s closed, nothing can get in, and the connection is untainted. This is the way of life.
Love this simple explanation of the way it works Zofia.
Beautifully expressed Zofia, thank you.
Fiona, I too gave up TV and started listening to our advertisement free National broadcaster, which I found intelligent, informative, and balanced with excellent reporting and interviewing. I am beginning to realize that there is an atmosphere with the radio station that I have aligned to and it drives how I see the world. In this information age people are choosing their media aligned to what they want to hear, there is the ‘left wing news’, and the ‘right wing’ news are obvious ones but there are many more. The separation from balance is becoming more extreme. I found it interesting to notice what I truly feel as distinct to what I have taken on from elsewhere.
This is great Mark. In my experience copying something someone that else is doing (eating, letting go of things that do not serve etc), does not bring any lasting change, only a sense of ‘trying to get it right’.
“it is better for me to make changes that are true for me, rather than to change a behaviour because someone else does”.
This makes absolutely sense, Stephanie. In our society we are used to copy another person for example role models we have chosen instead of listening inside what is true for us.
Whilst role models can provide a living example of how we may want to live ourselves, the process is individual and needs to be what is right for us, at a particular time.
Totally Kerstin, pure copy-cat or replica behaviour does not work and is a dishonour, even negation to oneself and the uniqueness we hold within our own bodies and expressions.
Yes it never works really as the impulse did not come truly from within.
Well said Stephanie. Whenever we copy what someone else does – like I used to copy hairstyles and fashion from movie stars or do what my friends were doing or even do what magazines told me to do – we completely lose ourselves and our connection with our bodies. Learning and practicing to live more from the flow and rhythm of our body rather than from our mind is key to feeling what actually works for us.
I have so fallen for this in my past and recent past, wanting to be the good student is the one that I have fallen for time and time again. Crazy that this negates the truth of what I know in my own body for the thought of ‘keeping up with the Joneses’.
Thanks for an awesome blog Mark – I love how you kicking your habit was a gradual process, that allowed you to really connect to all the ways it wasn’t working for you and then let go in your own time, rather than making the change to “fall in line” with someone else. We all have slightly different reasons and ways of using things (be it tv, food, drugs, even work) to “get through life” so when we allow ourselves the space to understand why we use something, it is much easier to let it go for good. I know for me if I do something just because someone tells me I should, there’s a pretty good chance of rebelling against it and not making a true change 😉
Yes Hannah you’ve hit the nail on the head when you talk about understanding. It’s the self-understanding that brings so much space to observe, look and see at whatever it is that we are dealing with or escaping from etc. I found that when I rushed around, working, exercising, living with a level of emotion, drama, stories, I deliberately created a vortex of busyness to not only not feel, but to not understand either. In slowing down, I got the feel the benefit of both – feeling and understanding… and continue to deepen this through focusing on being self-connected, and honest about what can take me out.. and when it does, to get back to myself and the clarity asap (!!)
Honesty is the key.
Always, honesty is at the forefront to allow for true change to occur and awareness to develop.
So true Hannah basing our choices on the fact that someone else has done it ultimately leads to the habit returning. Yet if we observe, feel and see the consequences of a choice for ourselves there is a much greater chance of that change sticking and not falling back into our old ways.
Indeed Jade, I think maybe thats why following the rules or best practice such as in diets or exercising dont work after a time. It is totally a different process to engage and have a relationship with our addictions by observing feeling and seeing the consequences of our choices.
It only every has to do with our self, hasn’t it. We can watch and observe others and may be inspired (or not, as the case may be), however ultimately it is up to us to get on with letting go and allowing for change to occur.
Yes, it is our choice, as with everything, do we want to bring in understanding and be responsible, or not?
Yes Hannah I agree to say a committed ‘no’ to something we have to know it and understand it in full.
…and feel it in full too to be able to have that commitment in the first place.
Spot on Hannah, it’s in understanding why we do what we do that allows us to make a change. Like Mark, I realised that when I watched TV in the evenings, I’d feel stimulated and my sleep was affected and I’d wake feeling tired in the morning. And so it was by feeling how watching TV made me feel that I stopped watching it. I will watch a DVD or something else now and then, but it’s not to fill a void, and is a conscious choice not just a filler.
Yes me too Hannah, that rebellious streak gets well and truly fired up when I am told what to do, so finding one’s own way through these issues is so much more real and empowering. It is very uplifting to read about how Mark weaned himself off the T.V, observing the effects of and constantly reminding himself how it affects him (love the notes stuck to the T.V) and deciding to change his behaviour in favour of his true well being. It is this awareness of the everyday things that we automatically do that is so essential. Just because a behaviour is common does not mean it is beneficial and taking a moment to stop, feel and observe the true effects of our everyday lives can support us to make simple but powerful shifts in our health and well being.
When we make a change because we truly understand what it does to our body, there is often very little, if any, reverting. I knew for a long time that I “should” give up coffee but I played with it and observed myself over time. I then came to a point where I didn’t make a decision to give it up, less and less did I want to do that to my body and one day I realised that it had been a long while since I drank coffee and that I had absolutely no desire for it.
Awesome comment Hannah. It is so true what you say here – ‘when we allow ourselves the space to understand why we use something, it is much easier to let it go for good’. I have found for myself that when I choose to want to understand why I am doing something that hurts me or I sense doesn’t feel right, that this in itself is a self-loving act and one the builds a foundation of love that can continue to grow. And so letting go of what is not of this love then becomes natural and everlasting as you have beautifully pointed out.
That’s such a great point Hannah. I’ve experienced the same. When I make a choice that I ‘think’ I should make rather than making it because it feels right for me, then I usually end up feeling quite resentful of the choice made and the person whom I based the decision on. It simply doesn’t work. If we don’t own our choices, then we will never benefit from them.
Well said Hanna, without the understanding of why we are choosing our particular tailor-made habits we only ever replace one habit with a ‘better’ if we enforce change without getting to the bottom of what it is we are avoiding facing or feeling by adopting the habit in the first place.
I agree Hannah, it doesn’t make sense to do something, just because another person has told us. It must be an impulse coming out of our body, otherwise it is a mental decision and the probability is high, that we can’t sustain the new choice anyway, because our body doesn’t support it. It makes sense, that everybody grows in his own speed.
A wise comment Hannah, it has to be a personal choice to change, that has started with an honesty that Mark has presented by being willing to see the impacts, and as they unfold, the choice is then that persons alone, and nobody else’s say so.
Mark, I can relate to numbing myself with various drugs including television although for me my relationship with television came to a fairly abrupt end when I could not longer handle the sensationalism and repetition of television. I decided to pack my television away into a box and pop it up in the attic and haven’t got it down since. What I did notice though was as soon as I got rid of the television, I replaced it with listening to the radio. I would listen to BBC Radio 4, which if you do not know it is a radio channel free from any advertisements and with the leadt sensationalist new broadcasts of all the different radio channels. I would listen to the news primarily but I noticed that I could not be with myself and I would feel more tired at the end of the day so eventually that went too.
Thank you Mark, I like how you simply addressed what was going on for you when watching TV and using ‘post it’ notes to confirm what you where noticing, observing, feeling.
Yes the idea of the post-it notes is an awesome one. I used to use them all over the house and in the car for an exercise I was doing to gain greater awareness of the thoughts that were coming – my post-it notes said ‘ catch your thinking’ – and I was amazed at the amount of utter rubbish and negativity that I became aware of with the help of these little notes. This was a long time ago and shifted an enormous amount of negative self-talk for me, and nowadays – if I catch an unsupportive thought, I am onto it straight away.
I love that idea of post-it notes and actually used them myself as well in the past. To remind me that I am amazing for instance! I am inspired to start using them again.
Oh I love this too Lieke – post it notes to be reminded how amazing I am – just lovely and will do that too, thanks for that little loving titbit!!
TV is a huge distraction, I could so relate to what you say Mark about sitting down to watch TV and not doing the things that needed to be done. Since I have stopped watching TV my life has become so full with other activities< i now wonder how I ever found the time to spend 4 or 5 hours watching TV i each night.
Exactly, Alison. Where does that time come from? We may be already feeling overwhelmed by life as is, but gladly give time for distraction even though that may mean less sleep in hours and quality.
That’s it isn’t it – the price for that indulgence is high, less sleep, less awareness, less time as one drags ones feet through tiredness and the quality brought to the day and all interactions then leaves a lot to be desired.
I have had a similar experience Alison. I would happily watch at least 4 hours of TV per day, and eating in-front of the TV was one of my favourite ways to check out. Now I dont know how I used to fit it in. My life feels much fuller without it.
I love this – and it’s so true Debra, life is so much fuller without it and boy – all the things that open up for us, time and space equally, just awesome.
Eating and television is the ultimate numbing combination. The thought, once a meal is prepared, to switch on the television while eating is an alarm bell that I am avoiding feeling something or wanting to fill emptiness with the comfort of numbness. The moment the thought enters is a moment to stop and pay attention to my body.
Me too Alison, ‘i now wonder how I ever found the time to spend 4 or 5 hours watching TV i each night.’ I used to watch t.v every evening growing up and so would not have time for anything else, now i don’t have a t.v to sit in front of, I love to be with my family, catch up on emails, prepare meals for the next day, I love all of these things and do not miss t.v at all.
Thank you Mark. We all have areas in our lives that we have resisted deepening our love in. It may be numbing or distracting ourselves with TV, eating, social media, alcohol, shopping and the list goes on. ‘Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.’ SO TRUE. Giving up is never the answer because we simply replace. We come from a sense of LACK. Saying yes to who we truly are is one of our first choices to self-love because we come from a FULLNESS. From there our choices change.
Saying yes to who we truly are is where many of us get stuck because the numbing habits are precisely what stops us from feeling all of who we truly are. Willpower doesn’t work, as you say, we only replace what we’ve stopped with something else. For me there has to be an experiment, like what happens when I do this, rather like the TC ‘D’s identified by Mark in this article. First there has to be a willingness to explore what’s going on, to accept that what we are doing has a ‘benefit’ and to explore what that might be. In my case, it is usually when some deep feelings are coming up that I don’t want to feel, so I’m avoiding the discomfort. What I haven’t yet fully realised or accepted is that there is more discomfort in ‘not being me’ than there is in the feeling I’m avoiding!
Beautiful Kathryn, I found that when I would give something up then I would just move on to something else for that distraction then give myself a pat on the back for giving one thing up but not seeing what else I had taken on. From self love and appreciation we can make choices that come from our fullness
Yes Chris, it becomes a game of substitution, played with our body. We can get very clever at it; so clever we don’t realise we are substituting all of these things for the beauty of our own fullness.
It is a choice to say you value yourself more than the addiction.
Love this Mark, another of your honest blogs. I can remember when the TV arrived in our home when I was about 5, what a novelty it was. I probably watched a couple of hours every night, until I hit my teens and found better things to do. For long periods of my life I didn’t watch any, but then there were times when I did watch mostly movies or serials and even found myself looking forward to the prospect of my favourite programme at night – the high point of the day (can you believe it?). For the last few years it was very selective, only a serial here and there but then that stopped, I simply lost interest and found I could just not be bothered to go through the motions. Like you I found it affected my awareness and would feel dull when I woke up and I have certainly noticed how it affected me going to sleep, my brain was more stimulated and I would feel more anxious. I love not needing to have TV or movies in my life.
Yes I can believe it Josephine,watching a TV series was the high point of my day for years I would always be looking forward to when I could turn on my latest favorite series and sit down with my latest favorite snack, numb out and watch it…..obvious to me now that my days were devoid of me being with me as now I have said yes to a deeper connection with my self each day I do not need the distraction of TV and spend my evenings very differently.
I never have the urge to turn the ‘telly’ on any more and yes, it is through having a deeper connection with myself – good way of putting it Mary-Louise. Now I don’t know when I had the time for TV really, as the evenings whizz by without thinking about it.
Agree Josephine, and back in the day i remember racing home to catch the latest episode and eating with a plate of food on my lap – ‘tv-dinner’, again, a way to zone out and not feel how the day’s gone, or how the food i’m eating is sitting/digesting inside my stomach. These days to enjoy dinner sans tv feels so much more connected, because i feel connected, and enjoy feeling this way, with the dinner being a confirmation or celebration of the day.
Zofia, interesting you mention ‘tv-dinner’ – and something that I had forgotten until your comment. I re-call that it was a habit in the early days of black and white t.v. when it first came to the suburbs that the folk on their way home from work would all gather around the one local shop that had a functioning t.v. in their shop window. Not long after that it was quite seen to be ‘keeping-up’ with the latest by purchasing fine china cup and plate sets that allowed everyone to sit with their cup of tea and a sandwhich on their lap while friends and family sat in the dark to watch the latest offering of entertainment. Some may say it was a new way to distract the masses from their dull or gruelling lives, and when colour television arrived it seemed everyone revelled in what appeared to be the pinnacle of entertainment with the bi-product of keeping the kids off the streets. Interesting to now have the awareness of an addictive and hidden agenda, just another avenue of preventing connection with the love that we are naturally and dulling the opportunity of expressing that.
For me too, my evenings are so full now and I love spending them on doing some work done, reading something and getting ready for bed. I don’t miss tv at all. My nights are more about what feels supporting so I can be vital the next day.
Me too Mariette – and the times I do engage in watching a movie (on ly laptop these days) I find I get bored so quickly that I don’t even finish it and by the next day I have forgotten what it was called, what it was about – all this showing me what a waste of my energy this is; it feels so much more loving and supporting to read instead or engage with others and also preparing for a deep rest as well.
Great point Josephine the TV was literally a time machine sucking up all manner of days and weeks and years.
Josephine I can relate to that, i never rely have the urge to watch TV anymore, my evenings just fly by unwinding and preparing for bed. It is very rare that I will sit with my husband and watch something, if I do it’s mainly to spend some time together watching something very light.
Amazing how we can get hooked in to not so much whats on the screen but the idea of watching a 24 part show. It is like the mapping out of a period of our lives that suits us, the knowledge that we won’t be doing anything else perhaps, the false comfort and security that TV brings allows us to slump evermore into the dullness that these check out tools bring.
Yes Marika, i found that the looking outside of my life into the lives on the characters on the screen was a way to not have to deal with what was going on with me. but instead getting that outside stimulation gave me a story to attach to and play out the drama over and over even after the show had finnished.
It is lovely to read this process of watching TV drop away Josephine, what I notice is there is large gaps for me to feel myself and also really meet my partner rather than getting lost in the tv screen. It is not always comfortable but a gradual learning process around intimacy with self and others.
I agree it is not always comfortable to commit more deeply to life. I feel it like a spark within that I can choose to stay connected with and build the flame or put my feet up and dampen it down – TV confirming the second option.
Josephine, my TV died of neglect last year. After quite enjoying TV, and it being the “high” point of my day for a few years of my life , I went through an interesting period last year when I forgot about it completely. When I did go to switch it on…it didn’t. So no more TV. It is going to electronic goods Heaven…along with a collection of DVDs and their players.
Its easy to forget that in many households in Australia there will be not only one TV, but many in every room. There is no neglect of the TV, but there is a neglect of the family.
Good point Heather. The TV can be a hungry beast that takes all of the attention, stealing it away from other people and the things that need doing.
There was a point in my life where getting to watch my bit of tv at the end of the day was my inspiration to keep going at work. I was looking for the satisfaction of tv to make my life ok, worth it etc.
There definitely are strong hooks with tv obviously as every home has one and I know is some cases the family get together is all watching the big game together or movie. That is the family get together or the reality of a family not getting together.
Oh my goodness, I remember that feeling so well Michelle. If I was out with friends I would become edgy, frustrated and resentful, because I wanted to be home watching …..whatever show it was that hilariously I cannot remember now. My goodness, what is going on when the siren song of a TV show is stronger than the pull to be with friends!
I remember it too, in fact I still struggle with it. Its interesting how real it seems, but it shows us much about how we are with ourselves each day where a TV show is the companion we seek.
Do you know the funny part I recall so clearly Heather is the feeling that this upcoming episode is the one to watch….all will be resolved, unrequited love will finally be requited, the crime solved…whatever.
It never was of course. It just keeps us on the edge of our collective seats, yearning for the satisfaction we don’t get from our lives.
But you have made me wonder at something else. What does this say about our relationships that we feel more intimate with a TV character? There are TV characters I felt more at ease with than real people. Well perhaps that is easy when they live on a screen, are flawless (or flawed in a way we all love) and will never press my buttons. And if they do I can press the “off” button. Aha! the ideal friend many would say, and from the intense popularity of TV I would say that I am far from alone in having put more into my electronic relationships than my real ones.
Surely this reveals the deep-seated lack of trust with each other in our society…a lack that we try to compensate with these strange, quasi-relationships with what can only be called mystical beings in the “box”.
Absolutely Michelle the need to be in the right position on the sofa really caused tension if things were not quite going to work out, this added drama further would support the relief of sitting in front of a box of moving images – falsely giving the impression that TV relaxes you, further supporting the habit.
Great point Michelle, i too can relate to tv watching being like the energy of looking for that next ‘hit’ and how it can take us away from being present with ourselves and whats really going on. i can also see how the after effects being like a come down or hangover where the next day there was a feeling of groggyness and disconnection
Mark, many thanks for this blog: This stood out for me “Eating while watching TV was the most effective form of numbing and distracting myself” Such an easy way to go into ‘nothing land’ A packet of crisps in front of the TV, removes all connection with the outside world and any other person. Reminds me of that song that had the lyrics “Television – drug of the nation, breeding ignorance and feeding radiation” Great article thanks for raising this Dulling influence that still affects me to ‘zone out’
I noticed that even reading while eating was disturbing my body more than I imagined possible and it made a big difference when I stopped for a long time.
Yes, I can still find myself looking to distract myself with the radio, or laptop or phone when I am eating, yet I know my body is strongly telling me this is disturbing it greatly as you say Christoph. I feel it is time to take more responsibility for creating a quiet space to eat in and accept being with and in my body is more than enough. There is something about food being much more digestible and filling when the time is taken to just eat without the distraction of a television. I also find it interesting that this is not the same as when are eating in company, we are able to be amongst people and eat and talk and remain present and still in our bodies. The company of others while we eat is very natural, TV is clearly not.
I love the detail we can go to with an ever-increasing awareness. What we were once numb to, now plays in stereo through our bodies. Such is the amazing blessing that our bodies are.
Yes so fully true Andrew – it stood out for me too, and the numbing effect in that scenario is a double whammy!
It seems indicative of how we do things to numb oursleves like this – eating while surfing the net would be another prevalent example.
Hmm, so why do we need popcorn and all the other sweet stuff when going into cinema? Checking out together?
Exactly- numbing ourselves physically while automatically putting one handful of popcorn after the other in the mouth while watching something on a huge screen. It is quite alarming to see when visiting the cinema, that the majority of people are engaged in just that. And it starts when taking kids to the movies too – we buy them stuff to eat while watching, and carry that over into our adult life… very crikey!
Well said Andrew, it’s easy to see how the tv has become the ‘drug of the nation’ and to what extent this drug is so widely accepted as being normal. I wonder if someone has ever totted up the hours wasted of people watching tv, I am sure someone would have the numbers, as they always know how many millions of viewers watch a particular show.
So true Andrew (and Mark) it is the ultimate legal drug isn’t it – combining eating and tv. Even knowing it myself it is very powerful to read about others experience and confirming that knowing in a very real way. I recall a time when shutting everything out seemed absolutely rational and reasonable, yet it also shut out what it was doing to my body.
I agree – and an emotional or stimulating film or program gives us the feeling that we are feeling something but really we are just getting caught up in what we see on the screen
This is a great line Mark…”.. letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.” So often we feel we are being deprived of something when we ‘give it up’ but in fact the only thing we have lost is the distraction itself, and in the process we gain so much more. By letting go of distraction we allow space to connect more to who we naturally are…a love, grace and beauty far more worthwhile than the distraction ever was or ever could be.
True , we think we are missing out when we already are – on the real and true us. Confirming and nourishig our authentic quality and natural way is key.
I love this Deborah – “… nourishig our authentic quality and natural way …” – this sounds beautiful and feels awesome just allowing for this.
‘We think we are missing out when we already are – on the real and true us’. This is such a sneaky trap that we so easily fall into.
Well said Deborah. We have it all mixed up, being led to believe we will miss out life, but the distractions and addictions are all to avoid feeling how much we are truly missing out on.
I agree Paula I also love the line ” letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.” I used to watch a TV show every night before I went to bed, it was like I needed a treat or a reward after a day of work. I have not watched any TV for a couple of years and do not miss it. I do not feel I have had to “give up’ watching the TV. I have gained a deeper connection with myself and loads more space to get things done.
Yes, Mary-Louise, it is wonderful how much more space there is in my life now, since I gave up TV completely. I listen to the ABC radio news in the morning, to let me know what might be going on in the world, but that is all I now need of any of that sort of media. Now that we are in summer, I revel in the extra time that I have towards the end of the day, to do things at a steady pace, maybe even have a walk at the cool of the day, or out with nature in my garden. A great chance for that deeper connection with myself before I go to bed.
Beautiful Beverley, TV and “news’ are things that I have too reduced enormously and not until doing so have I realised the addiction that they are – subtle hooks for relief and distraction. Love your reflection here!
I relate to the space created when the TV no longer dominates the evening. I watch far far less than I used to, and tend to do so on catch-up TV so I can watch anything at a time that suits me. I find this becomes far less of a distraction than it used to and my evenings can be about completing the day, feeling where my body is at, and getting ready for the next day. All of this offers me a great support which no TV show can do
I can feel how my TV has been replaced by Facebook and rolling through and spending time just looking at what’s going on but it never having a purpose and a heavy, listless feeling afterwards.
Aha this is a good point – we may not be watching TV anymore but has another distraction taken its place?
Yes Julie, it seems we are good at replacing one distraction with another but not always catching that very fact. I have noticed with myself that when I do this, there is a distinct feeling of wanting to avoid being with myself and feeling something.
I too used to watch TV every single night, it was just part of my day and most definitely a reward for basically ‘getting through the day’. I noticed how tired I always was in the mornings and when I finally understood that it wasn’t normal to be tired and that TV was impacting my sleep, I started to experiment here and there.
I still watch TV but these days is very occasionally, and very very little and also I avoid watching it just before I go to sleep.
I still see it as a reward however, and still use it in this way, but the difference is that now, when I make the choice to watch it, I know that I’m effectively wanted to numb out because of a difficult day. It’s a constant learning.
I was in the same routine, TV was the back end of my day and I believed that I deserved it. Now it is so occasionally and I don’t know how I fit it in before. When I do watch a bit I am very particular with what I watch but I still really enjoy it. Whats interesting is I never watch it alone, if someone doesn’t join me, then I won’t do it, that reveals a lot, its like drinking alcohol, I never liked drinking it alone and eating sweets are the same for me, I don’t eat cake by myself very often either.
I still have a great appreciation for a well done movie with a good message, don’t know if Ill ever let it go entirely but I am open it.
I love this honesty Sarah, as I will at times watch something, I can observe now when I watch to completely check out or because I am finding what I watch fascinating and actually learn something during the process. I recently watched Spotlight, the movie and found it fascinating that the level of corruption and abuse can run so deep and that many, many people get hooked into supporting something that should never, never happen. Then there are always those who will fight for truth.
Yes that line stood out for me too. It is a great thing to realise it is not a sacrifice to give up something that is actually harming you and not letting yourself be you. A great reminder.
Lieke I actually don’t watch TV any more as I found it can be so frustrating , and can take me on an emotional roller coaster which is not so evolving. Definately not a sacrifice to give up as I have experienced the down side and it does actually harm me, it’s great to be so clear in my choice.
So true and so beautifully expressed. Thank you Paula Steffenson.
This is a great observation Paula. We are not really missing out when we let go of choices that don’t support us. Its only the distraction we have given up, and as you say we gain so much more in the process.
Yes Paula, we can trick ourselves into thinking that we will be losing something that is a huge part of us or that we are giving up a freedom to be able to do whatever we want without consequence. This way of looking at things certainly explains the tight grip I have around distractions. But to let go of these distractions, gently and with understanding, is to nourish more of who we truly are and to get more of the beauty and grace that we are. That’s very cool!
In the giving up, we are gaining so much more.
This was my experience with giving up smoking for example, and applies to anything that we are addicted to.
Yep, great comment Rosie. Understanding that giving addictions up is actually the part that allows life to be easier is the bit we miss. We’ve got such a tight grip on everything that keeps us separated from ourselves that it’s hard to see the forest from the trees at the time.
I agree Rosie, ‘In the giving up, we are gaining so much more.’ I have found this with so many things that I have given up, I found this with chocolate and cakes, I used to not be able to resist them and end up feeling awful afterwards, I now am not tempted at all and love the freedom that comes with this – no temptation, no guilt, no feeling rotten afterwards.
So true – and the ‘giving something up ‘ never really works as it comes from the belief of ‘ missing something’ that one really thinks one enjoys. It is the true clearing that is the healing, when it is fully natural when we claim who we truly are and we feel this in truth, things that don’t support us just fall by the wayside.
Great point shared here Karina about “giving up”. What are we giving up and how wonderful was it in the first place that we had to give it up? There is still this ideal and belief that giving up is making a change rather than getting to the root cause on why the pattern of behaviour began in the first place.
So well said Paula, this is exposing the game of creation we play in human form burying us with this layers of entertainment, activities, identities, etc. and living in a way that makes us feel deprived when we have to “give up” of those distractions. How can we feel deprived when giving up something that prevents us from being in our grandness and living the absoluteness of who we are?
Oh boy Rachel that’s not a choice …. when I have felt the connection to myself. . It’s the part that I have been missing for so long and all the entertainment and distraction didn’t provide the answers or fill the void.
‘ By letting go of distraction we allow space to connect more to who we naturally are…a love, grace and beauty far more worthwhile than the distraction ever was or ever could be.’ Love this Paula and so beautifully claimed in your expression.
Agreed Jade, thank you for highlighting this wonderful line.
Beautifully brought to the point, thank you Paula. Something that should be pointed out in any self help and psychology book, it is never about giving up something in the sense of sacrifice, it is making different choices to come back to the true being that we are. If we approach an addiction in the manner of dealing with it, fighting it, beating it, getting rid of it, we will always stay in the cycle of missing something as we haven’t understood and appreciated the fullness that is there already.
So true Esther, if we are constantly focusing on ‘letting go’ as a place where we will have nothing once we let go then there’s no space to even consider or feel what we are ‘left’ with which is far more amazing than the holding onto the layers of stuff we think we need to be full or have a full life.
That is indeed a great line. Often when we are trying to quit something the focus is on the giving up, not on what is being gained by stopping a certain behaviour or in fact what we are saying yes to.
This is very true Nikki. We have conditioned ourselves to see the ‘what-is-not’, at the expense of seeing the ‘what-is’ that is right before (within) our eyes.
Great point Nikki. Our minds tell us we are losing something by giving it up, yet our bodies are delighted by the choices we make to drop our addictions.
Agree Paula, love this line too ”.. letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am.” – such a powerful and wonderful way of looking at something that agree does not leave one feeling deprived, but more in-gain.
Great explanation Paula. How many times have I felt like I was missing out on something when I gave it up. But you’re absolutely right, the actual act that I gave up, never ever served me to begin with, hence why I chose to give it up. It’s that big game – distraction – that tricks me into feeling like I’m missing out on something. But the truth is, I’ve been so used to missing out on connecting to myself, that it’s uncomfortable when I give myself the opportunity to do so. It feels unnatural, even though it’s the most natural thing in the world.
This was the line that grabbed me too Paula, that the times we say goodbye to an old “friend” are “not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am”.
We equate letting go of a habit with a huge battle, filled with willpower and hard resolve. Well it is when you don’t acknowledge just how damn gorgeous you are! When we start to get the slightest sense of who we are and how worthy of care it is, the habits just don’t stack up. The battle is no longer so huge, because the truth is we were never fighting the habit, we were only fighting our own magnificence.
Absolutely Rachel. Well if this is the case well then it completely throws out “giving up things”, which will require will power. If we accept our own ‘magnificence’ (love the sound of that) than the things that don’t belong to that are known instantly and there is no hesitation to ‘give them up’, so I have found.
I love that Harrison. Discarding is much simpler when we acknowledge that we are in fact a palace and not a shack. When we get this…even a little bit…the “shackish” decorations (like too much TV and junk food) don’t sit so well. Much easier to put them out for the rubbish collection!
Its surprising to me how easily I can give up an addiction once I decide to, but until that point, it seems insurmountable. Once the decision is made, the attraction to whatever it was that seemed so very important simply slips away.
The thought that says the battle is about the habit is the same as the thought that thinks the struggle to be ‘free’ of the habit is normal and that is the same thought is owned by what ever we are quitting.
I was a chain smoker, an everyday drinker and used recreational drugs consistently, I did not manage to stop all of that and become completely clean for over a decade by will power of belief that I had a problem. I didn’t even try to quit, as you say Rachel, it was just natural, as I discovered that we are truly stunning, things that hurt me had no place anymore, as I had opened my eyes to how amazing I was and how much I wanted to share that with the world.
Absolutely Paula – in those moments it is an opportunity to understand our bodies more and face the tension we might feel that we don’t want to deal with or can numb out very easily simply by doing things like watching TV – but to accept who we are first is to say yes to looking at all the things that are not us. Hard at first, but wow when we face these, when we let go of these, then watch out world.
Yes, stellar line, that exposes the illusion in ‘giving up’ those things that were destroying us anyway. No loss at all, not going without and no deprivation. Saying yes to your body and honouring what it truly needs through loving choices is a win win
So true Paula, with every choice to relinquish something we feel we cannot live without we discover more of who we naturally are and what an awesome joy it is. We have no idea how much we are bound and gagged by so many of our ‘normal’ choices in life. Learning to truly feel the effects of ‘normal’ and make different choices is so liberating. There is so much more to us than T.V and all the other numerous ways we have created to keep us away from the glorious beings we truly are.
Beautiful Paula. Saying goodbye to a distraction is saying ‘yes’ to me; my developing glorious relationship with the real me.
Mark I love your open and honest description of your choices and ‘addiction’ to TV and how you made different choices only when you felt the effects for yourself, not because of what others do. This true responsibility! Thank you – a great reflection.
Yes it is very inspiring to read such an honest account of an addiction – because in this case it is TV but you can insert anything really into this as we all have our own. Thank you Mark for sharing this.
I totally agree Sarah, we each have our own addictions and it they all come down to one thing, numbing what we do not want to feel.
Exactly. And so good to name them and renounce them.
Yes, Fiona, for me the addiction was reading. When I was immersed in a book, I did not feel all the things that I was trying to escape from, especially extreme loneliness. I felt that I just did not fit into the world, I always felt different to others. Over the past 9 years, my life has changed so much, having met Serge Benhayon, and taken part in Universal Medicine events and workshops etc., I now know so many other people who actually are just like me. I no longer feel a misfit. Yes, Sarah, we all have our own ‘go to’ addictions that we use to not feel things.
Yes, reading as an addiction, I know it well Beverly. I spent most of my childhood in a book which I got recognition for in my family but ended up being horribly disconnected from myself. From all those stories I had so many false ideas about life and was very disappointed when life did not fit those story book pictures.
As an addition, allowing myself to be taken by the fantasy world contained in the pages of a book made coming back to everyday real life, mundane. I remember not wanting the book to end, when all my choices and feelings would have to be faced again . . . So yes reading is not just a harmless pastime but can be a strong addiction which the whole intellectual world is pleased to ignore.
WOW I never considered reading could be an addiction!!!!!!
Yes Beverley, as a child reading was my way of escaping but of course it was seen as a good thing to do by my family. It was a very easy way to be away and withdrawn from life but at the same time be filled with ideals and pictures of how life should be. As an adult I further indulged when I was on holiday as I would spend the whole day just reading – this was how I ‘recharged my batteries’. Since meeting Serge Benhayon though I have had no need to read as I did as there is nothing to be escaping from!
To question reading and that it can be done to excess may be sacrilege to some. Very few people would argue excessive T.V. is good for us so to put reading in the same category could hit a nerve. As you say Josephine we give positive recognition for it – children for being ‘a good reader’ and adults for being ‘well read’ but could reading be a way to fly under the radar and escape from life because it is upheld as ‘better’ than television? A fair argument for both T.V. and reading is the quality of the material except we tend to be far more honest about the poor quality of television than the poor quality of what we read.
Beverley I’m glad that you brought up reading. I used to love reading about people’s experiences with drugs. What I found was that the books that I chose to read got more and more extreme as the ‘hit’ that I was after myself got harder to get from the books and so I had to keep upping the intensity of what I was reading in order to ‘get off’.
Books were my refuge too Beverley – I would utterly immerse myself in them. Everything from highbrow literature to trashy novellas were my go-to place when life felt too hard or when my loneliness got to be too much. All of the characters emotions were soaked up by me, like a willing sponge. I would cry at their sorrows, take on their anger….What a salve it was to my own hurts that I did not at the time know how to deal with and preferred not to deal with! There are many socially condoned drugs we use to alleviate the angst of life…
I have just read all of the comments about reading and the way we regard it as somehow better than TV. This is such an important point, for we have all described how effective it is at taking us away from life..such a profound distraction creating a second world that we retreat into when the real one is too much. We are rewarded for being “good readers”, celebrated by parents and teachers, although as children our peers were not so impressed.
Deanne’s points are excellent though. Most people still hold reading as superior to television. What it comes down to for me now is the effect. If I feel disengaged from life and disconnected from myself, then what I am doing is a distraction. It then becomes less about what I am doing and the how and why I am doing it.
I spent hours with my head in a book as a child, creating a fantasy and an easy escape from the world around me.
As a young teen I escaped into the world of books, loving fantasy, romance, sci-fi or the safety of crime fiction – anything where I could escape the feelings of emptiness I carried. In reading I felt I wasn’t alone. I craved connection but couldn’t talk with my family so found knowing the fictional character’s thoughts helped me feel less lonely. I’ve followed this same pattern with TV – liking series for the characters alone.
Now it’s about me being honest with myself when I want to reach for a TV series for the company rather than be with myself or phone a real friend.
Reading was for me a way to never stop, from always having to turn a page to scanning through pages of words to get the detail, to find the end, it was never a leisurely read merely a goal to get to the end and then move on to something new. Not relaxing at all and interestingly as a young boy I would force myself to finish books or chapters before going to sleep such was the power of the momentum.
Oh yes I know this – the book could not be thick enough and a TV-series could not have enough episodes. I liked to know the characters more and more as they become a part of my life. In fact I liked them more then real people. A real relationship I have to care for, I get reflected and called to account. Challenging. All of this I can hide by choosing ‘relationships’ with fictional persons.
Funny that we are so longing for connection that we -even by trying to avoid the responsible part of a relationship- choosing to be with people, be it though TV or books. In fact we want to be with each other, want true relationships – just that we do often not take the responsibility to bring the change that is needed to have true intimacy.
Gorgeous Beverley. It is incredible how many of us who retreated from life, using whatever our drug of choice was, are now connecting with so many people and enjoying life by living in it.
Hey Beverley, my addiction was taking drugs and totally withdrawing from life. I did not realize how addicted I became just because there was so many others doing it. It was such a life-style on the Gold Coast with women, extravagant homes and people in the hood who seemed so laid back and cool. The locations were open and glamorous from high rises, locations on the beach to the country hinterland. All your dream-full illusions were met.
It was only when coming down became more toxic on the body that it started to really hit me, and the hole I was digging started to show and fall back in on me. I was loosing my mind, breaking-up with girlfriends, sacked from jobs, trying to stop but that was all there was to do and I could see no way out. The integrity I knew was not matching what was happening to me. Not until I was introduced to Universal Medicine was I able to completely stop drugs, alcohol and nicotine, everything at once too. AND have not gone back, AND WILL NEVER go back.
The power of healing was miraculous. I understood why I was doing it and began the journey to meet myself and responsibly appreciate my natural qualities. I was using this environment and lifestyle to fill my emptiness. I gave up on life and let my hurt own me. It took a lot of effort to be cool, and this was just a ‘look’ based on recognition instead of feeling and going deeper within my own body where recognition is not needed, but my own worth and confirmation is the natural way to live.
I just love how your comment about reading has opened up such a huge and informative discussion. It has given me the opportunity to broaden my understanding.
Great to read all the comments here, I have certainly immersed myself in books growing up and it is interesting to note how it is seen as superior intellectually to watching TV, yet it has the same effect of transporting us away from reality and so in fact is rarely any different. Books can be entertaining for sure but i remember well that empty feeling when the book ended and I had to face the empty feelings that I had numbed by being in the book.
Absolutely, and a great point Stephen: “it is interesting to note how it is seen as superior intellectually to watching TV”. I have read a lot in the past too and can attest that it took me so much out of the world. I would totally disappear into the story of the book. In a way this feels more insidious than the TV as there you are looking at a story, but with reading a book you are imagining the picture yourself and I felt more immersed in it than I did when watching TV as then there would still be a distance between the TV and me on the couch which kept me aware of the reality a bit more than with a book.
I was another who used books as a means of numbing and escaping. Now, I am choosing to be connected with my body and to out any numbing patterns that may remain.
I was fascinated by Alexis’s comment that she used to ‘get off’ on reading books about people’s experiences with drug addictions – sounds like a vicarious drug addiction and a book addiction wrapped up in one! It’s amazing just how creative and specific the human spirit can be when it comes to propping us up with numbing and escapist activities.
It’s possibly that for many children today the addiction is less to TV or reading than computer screens be they for social media, downloading movies and gaming. Another ‘screen’, more for adults, I can think of are gambling machines. I have heard that people can become so addicted they can’t leave them even to urinate so relieve themselves in their chairs. And at least one teenager has died as a result of non-stop gaming. That is extreme vice with a level of check-out and given-up-ness that is hard to contemplate. As a human race we are very, very self-destructive – if not to the death, then certainly in the ways we live.
I agree with others here on the ‘well-read’ syndrome having suffered from it myself. There is a definite arrogance in it, a superiority. On the other hand, I know someone with a great vocabulary and who writes beautifully (usually the hallmark of a well-read person) who barely read as a child and certainly not ‘the classics’ and is not particularly attuned to popular or high-brow culture. So where did this eloquence come from? I can only conclude it was a carry-over from a previous life. Perhaps we all bring different flavours though from those incarnations our souls have previously expressed through. Another option is given this person is naturally aligned with their soul, perhaps there is a natural eloquence that springs from this connection.
It’s official – reading can be an addiction too, but like any of the things being described it is not the thing that is addictive but rather how we engage with it, TV is not addictive nor is reading but when we sit down to ‘use’ them or to engage with them for purpose, two very different imprints.
It’s true, it is possible to immerse oneself in a book and completely forget ones own reality. This is an escape like any other.
I too immersed myself in books when young all the time thinking that this was better then watching TV but years later I realized that this was no different maybe worse because of the illusion of thinking it was better and how immersed in the fantasy story I would get. Because of this I could not put the book down till I had finished it so things I needed to do would fall by the way side and I would not participate in life.
I also used reading as a way of not feeling what was going on around me and escaping into another world. It was the same with TV and I would immerse myself into any program for ages often staying up past the point when my body was calling out to go to bed. By being more connected to life and more connected to myself I find that I have no impulse to read a novel or watch TV. It’s interesting that when I do feel that rare urge to want to put on the TV I am aware it’s because something has come up that I don’t want to feel.
I was an addicted reader too as a child and loved the escape it offered. Yes it seems we champion reading as a great thing over and above watching TV. Yet the behaviour of escape is the same, wanting to loose ourselves in a good story simply to dull, or forget about life and our own emotions.
Yes Fiona, awesome to break down what addictions are all about so simply – “numbing what we do not want to feel”.
Yes Hannah and when we know that to be true we can ask ourselves as we reach for whatever our addiction is . . . “What exactly is it that I do not want to feel at this moment?” . . . This gives us an opportunity to address the issue we are attempting to avoid.
Even though I know this to be true it is still something I found very difficult to do, mainly because I am very keen on avoiding responsibility. So in the moment I can fool myself into not going deeper and not really stopping to feel as I am already in the throws of not wanting to feel. If that makes sense.
Totally agree Fiona and well summed up here… I’ve found the more connected I am with my body, the more I am aware of when I am not connected, and these are usually the moments where I become aware that there is something I don’t want to feel…
Yes true, looking for out moments so we can escape from feeling the intensity of the world for me. As a child I use to love being immersed in books with stories that took me somewhere else more exciting with lots of adventures. It was like a safety cocoon where life was rosier as I imagined it could be. It was always a shock to come back to reality. So easy to loose oneself in distraction and disconnection and loose touch with the natural loveliness we are.
Yes Toni I totally agree, there was no way in the world that I would have thought that this form of entertainment was a way of checking out and numbing myself. What has been so supportive since really feeling the impact of this has been inspired by what Universal Medicine has shared and the impact that this has on our bodies. These forms of entertainment for a way of relaxing and having fun has been at the expense of my own health and wellbeing.
The key word here is numbing. You just have to walk into any household these days to see how houses are designed to bring more comfort with a selection of numbing appliances available in every corner of the house. The TV is just one of many that I know I have used to no allow me to feel what is truly going on at the time.
Exactly replace tv with anything else that is used to bring the D’s into play all in an avoidance of being who we are! It is utter madness.
The ‘D’s are really such a great tool to assess where we are at , very helpful indeed.
Yes Karina and often we mask a person who reads a lot as being “bright” and learning more… often masking what is really going on- another D!
What we are avoiding must be pretty big if we are all going to such extremes to avoid it! I guess this can fall into two categories – avoiding what we don’t want to feel, and avoiding the might that we truly are.
Yes Victoria, this awareness brings in a ‘whole’ other consideration, our choice to be and live all that we are in truth, and to be part of and responsible for creating a world we want to live in.
So true Sarah, we can use any substance or activity to stimulate or numb ourselves. What was interesting to read was that Mark had not substituted his Tv with another activity or distraction. It would suggest that he is also addressing the reason why he needed to dull or numb himself in the first place. Quite often people can give up one addiction and switch to another because the underlying issues of the need to dull our awareness are not faced.
Yes, Jennifer, it is unusual not to replace an addiction with another activity or distraction when one gives up another addiction. It would seem that Mark has successfully dealt with the underlying issues that he used the addiction to mask him from feeling. That is so key to truly ridding ourselves of addictions. It is wonderful for Mark to now be free of the issue that was underlying his addiction.
Yes that one rings a bell and sometimes you end up going back then stopping the same addiction because as you say you really haven’t dealt with the core issue as to why you are doing it in the first place. Sometime the hardest thing is actually admitting that you have an addiction. We are used to living with extremities that if you are not in this place then all is well…. but actually even if you have it at a small level it is still a step away from who we truly are and enjoying being who we are.
This is the arrogance and ignorance of humanity Jennifer, we change our addictions, husbands, wife’s, and or work Etc. because we are not happy, but end up in the same situation as we have not been willing to look at the underlying root problem, or why we were choosing what we choose in the first place.
Yes, addiction is short hand for running away from ourselves. Thomas I love how you’ve mentioned some of the very varied ways in which we run from the emptiness of not being with ourselves.
It’s helped me identify some of the less obvious ways I do this – looking for a ‘better’ area to live, place to work, type of work – anything that I put the onus on the situation to deliver me to me, that I also use as a ploy to divert my attention away from feeling the self-chosen hurt of choosing to not be with me. Coming back to the simplicity (and sanity) of choosing to be with me.
The outside distractions, aspirations may be deeply rooted in cultural belief systems that tell us these are the ways to fulfillment/contentment/enlightenment/meaning etc but they miss the crucial element: being with ourselves first and bringing this quality to whatever it is we do.
I like that you bring relationships into the mix Thomas. It’s pretty awful that we can pick up and discard people like we do the books we can also be addicted to. I’m willing to bet in some instances we can be more invested in the TV shows we follow than the people we live with. What a grave imbalance this is.
So true Jennifer, how many move to another location, break up with girlfriends, change careers, buy a new car, even save to go on that ultimate holiday all to numb out for so long where it wears off and something else new needs to be focused on. I had a friend who would try doing almost everything and even moved countries to satisfy the empty crave. Drugs did not help either and he eventually gave up on life completely. I know he did ask for help but no one was meeting him for who he was.
I am so blessed to know Serge Benhayon and all he has done to support me to come back and show me how to meet myself in all the love I deserve. This process does not stop and I will not stop until I let go of every thought that is not love for myself and others.
This is beautiful Rik, ‘I am so blessed to know Serge Benhayon and all he has done to support me to come back and show me how to meet myself in all the love I deserve. This process does not stop and I will not stop until I let go of every thought that is not love for myself and others’, and I agree being love with self and other people in every way possible is key.
Wow, great Rik and I pledge to do the same. I too am equally grateful to have met Serge Benhayon and would have stayed as lost as your friend if it had not been for Universal Medicine and its very healing modalities.
True Jennifer – usually the addiction is stemmed from a deeper hurt of not wanting to feel something, so we switch from one to another – fixing the ‘addiction’ but always moving onto something else because the reason behind the behaviour is not looked at. To be aware that our behaviours come from somewhere, is to start to see the bigger picture and take more responsibility for how we are living. Then our addictions will naturally fall away because we have faced what is behind them.
Yes Sarah great comment. Anything can be an addiction and we all have our own addiction of choice. What I love about Mark’s sharing is that through his honesty and how his body felt while watching tv, it allows us to see that any addiction we hold is just a way for us to be distracted and checked out from ourselves and how we really feel. Listening to what our bodies feel allows us to make a choice to change what isn’t working and make a new choice to live with honesty and care.
We can make an addiction of the very ‘best’ of pursuits. It is the body that says “hello…what are you doing? Can you feel me?”
I have caught myself reading the news online…clicking on reports that I know are silly from the headlines…but I am in that weird state where I feel detached from myself. It almost like I am feasting on junk food, my head cranes forward as though drawn to the screen, and my body may as well not be there at all.
It’s true Rachel, I can even say when I actually feel good and I know it I will choose something to bring me down – the ultimate sabotage. I get hooked on “I feel great”, and instead of appreciating and valuing this feeling that I created, I go into taking down what space I actually have to acknowledge and feel how I got to where I am.
Great point Rachel, anything we do where we leave the connection to our bodies behind will be taking its toll in some way.
Rachel it’s a great point you make about how some choices can be similar to feasting on junk food. Junk food is anything we ‘consume’ that has no real purpose. The body knows instantly and the mind plays its little game of thinking it can get away with it.
Taking time to feel what we do not want to feel is a very responsible way to live. I agree entirely Amina.
This is so true Sarah. For some people they may have more than one addiction. Our addictions are a way to disconnect from ourselves, from others and is a way to avoid taking responsibility for our choices.
Addictions can be a perfect ‘fill me up’ when we feel there is nothing to do and wanting to feel as though we are connecting to someone or something.
This is so true Mary, this forum feels such a safe place to discuss everything and anything without having to put up with people being abusive or being hateful towards people who write about their experiences. Unfortunately the majority of sites on the internet have become a free for all when it comes to people writing their opinions with the use of fowl language and hateful comments – thankfully there is none of that on this site.
I so agree Mary and Julie, this is an awesome site and every day when I read blogs on this site, it sets me up for the day – the quality of the energy is truly palpable and I love starting my days with reading the comments and feeling people’s awareness and insights – so beautiful.
This is a great observation, Mary and I agree this is a supportive site to be opening up on about life. It is good to be invited to look at ourselves and consider other ways of living that could be more supportive thus helping us grow.
Absolutely Sarah the control that an addiction can have over you is all encompassing but the one thing that never leaves us, we just choose to disconnect from it is our insanely amazing Love that is inside us. Love doesn’t need anything, Love is Everything and when we allow ourselves to feel this then we get to see what is not Love. From here any addiction stands out like sore thumb, rightly so and we get to arrest the temporal sensation and satisfaction that comes with the emptiness of the addiction.
So true Mary, these are the conversations I wanted to have growing up but no-one wanted to have them it seemed to me back then. Like everyone around me I took up all sorts of addictions to quell the emptiness inside and quash my very healthy impulse to discuss what was really going on in life.
The more I tried to numb my awareness the greater my addictions became.
I thought I was slightly loopy but looking back I can see the great effort people put into conforming to the norms and staying unaware – just like I was trying to do. But I knew I was killing my health denying my awareness. I am incredibly appreciative of everyone who is writing so openly and honesty and for a forum in which to do so.
I agree Mary. What I love is how much the discussion opens out to so much more. I never ever considered reading books could be an addiction. Not being very academic or not liking reading a lot, I saw people who read as being clever (depending on what they were reading!) but wow reading too can be an addiction! Which brings it back to how an addiction can be ANYTHING we do in order not to truly connect with ourselves or feel what is there to be felt.
Well said Mary. Watching TV was once a large part of my life and it was just what I did. It took time for me to realise the extent I was using it to distract myself. It is these conversations that can bring us so much more awareness and honesty with what we are choosing.
TV is just what I did. This is so true Vicky, I never questioned watching TV or why I was because it is a normal part of live to do so. Not only normal actually considered abnormal not to. So I guess we could say distraction has become a normal part of live, so much so it is not something we question.
Absolutely. Anything that takes us away from being with our bodies or passes time for is to avoid the fact that we are not present with our bodies is numbing to all our senses – especially to our ability to feel energy.
Yes, a frank honest and informative account. Experienceing the effects for ourselves provides a powerful basis for true change.
It most certainly does Deborah. It is only when I have felt the harming impact of certain behaviours in my body and in my life, that have I been willing to make the changes necessary. Doing it because someone else says so, just does not have the same effect and in truth is very disempowering.
With our awareness for our self- abusive behaviour we are also saying no to the old choices and we have the opportunity to make new choices. So powerful.
Yes Monika, so powerful indeed, just as we are….
I love the honesty here too Bernadette – I’ve found for myself that it’s only when we are truly willing to be honest about our behaviours and take responsibility for them, that true change is possible. And this honesty for me can only come from within, and from our bodies.
Angela, a friend said to me recently, ‘be honest, and then ‘it’s over’. What she meant was, once we are honest with ourselves and others, there is nothing we are holding anymore. I felt the power of this truth. Honesty is truly empowering and releases the tension and energy it takes to not be honest!
Well said Bernadette. To hang on to something that is not true and then to keep living it day to day whether we are conscious of it or not, does take a lot of energy because it is so unnatural. Our body is a radar for truth so this is where we are headed no matter which direction we decide to go in. Resistance is exhausting!
So true Sara, and the body lets us know all the time – it should make us deeply question why so many of us do not wish to listen…
Great comment Bernadette. And Mark has shown here how we can let go of long standing addictions when we are honest with ourselves and listen to our body’s constant messages.
I love this Angela and Bernadette, when we are imprisoned by living a lie it is our own honesty we need for the truth really does set us free and we feel liberated and energized.
Thanks for sharing your friend’s powerful truth Bernadette ‘be honest, and then it’s over’. It was clearly felt.
Honesty is key, and as said, releases the tension and energy it takes in not being honest. I have also found the quicker I am honest, both to myself and others the less complication gets in the way.
Honesty works for me too Angela. Sometimes the truth of how I’m living is reflected back to me, but until I feel the lovelessness deeply in my body, I stay stuck in the same cycle.
I have felt the same Angela and interestingly enough it still amazes me how supportive the body is when we say yes to the changes and no to returning to patterns of behaviour that harmed.
So true. It’s ok for us to say we are doing this and that and admit that it us not supportive and even come to why we may be doing it. If we don’t get honest then we can’t take the next step to self healing.
Yes I enjoyed Mark’s honesty too Bernadette, to know that he made this choice for himself based on the effects he felt and how they were directly impacting on his quality of life. Absolute responsibility and true basis for making change.
Yes, I agree with Bernadette. I love the fact that you are not a follower Mark. You made a choice and made changes when you were ready, when you felt it all, and not because anyone else was doing such and such.
Yes Rosie I loved this line – “that would have been for some reason other than it being a truth for me”. True change can only happen when it is true to you to make that change – and then a loving consistent commitment to making it.
This is so important Sarah and supports the truth that when we know something it is felt in our bodies, not our mind. When my mind leads the way, I can be sure there is a need for recognition or anxiety leading me.
When our mind leads the way it is simply overriding our truth-o-meter, the body.
When I read this comment Sara I felt a lovely warmth in my body, in other words my truth-o-meter went all the way around to Profound.
Truth-o-meter – just love it Sara!
Yes this is a great truth. The mind does not feel only the body. So really it is less of a true intelligence when we are running our lives and movement only from our minds excluding our bodies. When we are present with our bodies, our mind aligns and we have access to great wisdom, knowledge and divine intelligence.
I agree wholeheartedly, Rosie. However there are times when the body tells the truth and I do not listen and do not listen and do not listen. In the end it becomes almost a habit to not listen. So I started to make the choice to listen not only in the very end, when I am already ill but when the first signs of the body are apearing, like Mark has so beautifully shared here. The sensitivity can sometimes be a challenge, but it is also fascinating to feel how powerful it is.
True Rosie, only then it can be a lasting change when its really made from a full understanding of the impact that its having on you.
Exactly. By allowing ourselves to feel all of it we can begin to work on truly healing.
That will always be the key – to feel it in ones own body first and then take appropriate action for change to occur. Nothing truly ever works when done from the head, or worse still, because someone else said so…
This too stood out for me Rosie, the fact that we can get caught up on ‘following the herd’ rather than feeling what is true for us to be with, let go of and evolve to.
This is true healing as it comes from oneself and from within.
Agreed Bernadette. Awesome reflection of true responsibility. Thanks for sharing Mark
I agree Bernadette, no matter what we choose it is importiant that it comes from us otherwise it is knowledge and not a living way.
Great point Bernadette about feeling things for ourselves and giving things up because we want to and not because someone has told us to.
Yes – I loved your honesty too and the way you worked at your own pace. This is true and solid change, not peer or knowledge-based change and is set to last. This approach can be taken to all that we know needs to go but in the right time and way – particularly with respect to the habits that are deeply embedded. For me right now this includes misuse of food and a long term association with going into push and drive to get things done. She says about to push the done button to post this comment!
Yes Amina – I have experienced the same. Now I really enjoy myself being with me and to feel my tenderness. This is pure joy – no need to check out in front of the TV.
I find that true change happens and can be sustained when it is actioned because one wants to do it for themselves and not because of what others may be doing or wanting.
‘Letting go of choices is about saying yes to ourselves’. Great blog Mark. My addictions was reading. From a young age this was my way of escaping the world. I always felt sad when a book came to an end so I accumulated a stash of books for a rainy day. I never thought I could one day not read. But it happened. I gave boxes of books away and I am no longer buying them compulsively. Because I am learning to reconnect with people and life I no longer need a fortress of books to protect me.