Recently I found myself playing a familiar yet not so comfortable game during the Universal Medicine UK Retreat Celebration Party. Because of the clarity I had gained from attending the Retreat, I was able to quickly and very clearly recognise an old pattern, one that I have been going into for as long as I can remember. This old pattern is one of withdrawal, guardedness and isolation, which has me distancing and separating myself from others, and this is not at all like the playful, light hearted, down-to-earth, sparkly person I normally am.
As I observed everyone else having fun, being open and playful with each other, engaging deeply in conversation and enjoying each other’s company, I was choosing to retract back into my shell and it felt horrible.
This is what I called ‘being shy’ in the old days, but now I see that it felt horrible because I was refusing to shine, I was hiding away, not wanting to be seen, and I was also making it ‘all about me.’ Though it was hard to face this truth, I welcomed it, as I saw I was not a victim but I had the simple choice to change, and that choice could be made in a moment.
Reflecting in this way about this experience I realised:
- Life is not just about me
- Life cannot be lived in isolation from each other
- Life reflects back to me where I am and I can’t blame others for my feeling lonely
- It is a choice to withdraw.
Then I asked myself, “Why do I withdraw?” Could it be that I am not honouring my own unique form of expression? Comparing myself to others, and thinking that I should be more like them, more open, more fun, more engaging – more liked by others. Could that be it?… That I am choosing to withdraw because I am dishonouring my own unique expression by trying to be like others!
The wanting to be liked by others, or the desire to feel special, comes from a lack of love for myself, and this also is a choice. As I looked deeper, the realisation came that this all comes from jealousy of and comparing myself to others, and a lack of appreciation for myself. However, all of this is NOT ME, not the true me.
How did I pull myself out of it? Quite simple. As I was standing on the dance floor like a wallflower, a beautiful woman came up behind me and put her arm around me. We walked around like this for a while and I started to feel myself coming back to me. We gently parted and I then found someone else to connect with, then another and another. I realised then that I had come back to feeling more of my essence. I felt more open and joyful, more connected to everyone, and even if I was dancing on my own, I had that connection to myself and the loneliness had gone.
Through the support of others, I had come back to the connection with myself, where no one is ever alone. There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this.
What I learnt from this is that it is okay to be yourself. We are all unique in our expression, and by comparing ourselves to others we are giving ourselves away and not honouring ourselves in full as equal human beings. I have learned through the teachings of The Ageless Wisdom presented by Universal Medicine, that we are all equal in the eyes of God, so it doesn’t make sense to judge another or compare as we are on this path together – the path of return to who we truly are.
My shyness is not going to magically disappear overnight, but now I can acknowledge my shyness and work on that connection to myself and my connection with others, remain honest and open and allow myself to shine in my own unique way.
I shall endeavour to play this ‘hide and seek’ game no longer because I know who the true me is. I know what my essence feels like, and it is the real and true me, and I owe it to myself and others to honour the fragility and beauty of that.
With deep gratitude to Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and the reflection of the Universal Medicine Student Body, for without this reflection I would probably still be playing the old game.
By Sandra Henden, Administration Assistant, Norfolk, England
Further Reading:
The Strength and Power of Connection
Do we choose loneliness?
Why and how do we have loneliness in relationships?
Let’s not shy away from the natural beauty that we are.
What an amazing realisation to have ‘the realisation came that this all comes from jealousy of and comparing myself to others, and a lack of appreciation for myself. However, all of this is NOT ME, not the true me.’ and not only allowing yourself to feel this but for your next step to pull yourself out of it and I also love that in order to pull yourself out of it you connected with others. Very cool.
Thank you Ariana, may I add to deepen the understanding of energetic responsibility, or being who we are is an energetic responsibility of understanding that we are more than physical and are starting to live from our connection to our divine essences and the world has completely bastardised responsibility to make it about the physical self and understanding this level of being responsible is a game changer.
Understanding how to appreciate who we are and thus also seeing the same quality in others is a stepping stone on our return to Sacredness, which is the appreciation of everything, so we appreciating we are more than physical and this is True energetic appreciativeness and in doing so we are confirming with authority who we all are. So to feel complete after a retreat brings a quality we can live, regardless of time and thus the energetic package that has been delivered to us by your Souls has to be completed.
But completion is not based on time. Then completion is not a quality or task but an energy or package of our lived quality.
Great to expose this Sandra. Its a familiar pattern for me too, and I can still get caught by it. But more and more I remind my self that that is not me, and simply step out of that space and back into myself. It only takes a moment when we remember that our purpose here is to shine for others to see and be inspired by, and not keep ourselves hidden in the shadows.
When we are connected to our essence then others naturally feel drawn to connect with us also.
I have shied away from those that I thought were more intelligent than I and also if I felt judged by another because of the judgement I have given towards myself. Comparing myself to another whom I may think is intelligent and judgemental keeps me small and contracted however knowing who I am and claiming the power from within eliminating the judgement towards myself and being aware of the games being played I choose me and hold the authority of love and acceptance for self. There is no fitting in; I shine in all my glory.
When we are comparing ourselves to others, or are consumed with jealousy, or are being hard on ourselves, it is a sure sign that we are not being ourselves- we’ve left the room. I can clearly feel this when reading this celebration of everyone’s unique qualities- as you share the fact is that we are equal in God’s eyes. I have heard this many times before, in different forms, but this blog is helping it sink in and be real to me.
Sandra, I love the role of movement in the example that you had- how a shared walk brought you back to yourself. It is just what you needed in that moment and the support was offered to you and you gracefully accepted.
As soon as I find myself trying, then connection is lost. It is a good indicator for me to stop the trying and move more into the being.
I agree Sandra – Serge Benhayon is unwavering in presenting truth with integrity for all to feel if choosing to do so. The old games are soon exposed and a deeper connection with our essence is then possible.
“With deep gratitude to Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and the reflection of the Universal Medicine Student Body, for without this reflection I would probably still be playing the old game”.
With being in our innermost connection we have no sense of disconnection and separation from our divine source or from others..
“There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this”.
It is empowering when we realise that we are responsible for how we behave and for the choices we make, as we then know that we and only we hold the power to change our reality to be one that represents the truth of who we are.
‘What I learnt from this is that it is okay to be yourself. We are all unique in our expression, and by comparing ourselves to others we are giving ourselves away and not honouring ourselves in full as equal human beings.’ I love this, this makes me feel how beautiful and unique we all are and how lovely this is, so rather than compare it feels great to celebrate our unique qaulities and to enjoy being ourselves.
Sandra, this is a great question; ‘Could it be that I am not honouring my own unique form of expression? Comparing myself to others, and thinking that I should be more like them, more open, more fun, more engaging – more liked by others. Could that be it? I feel that when I have been withdrawn in the past that it has happened when I doubt myself and compared myself to others and put myself as less than others. Nowadays I hold myself as equal to others and I am starting to really appreciate my natural qualities and so with this there is no need to compare and doubt myself.
A great sharing and something I really relate to and great to read today and understand the suffering of shyness and withdrawal and what it really means in lack of appreciation and love for oneself and the responsibility we all have to shine and sparkle our own unique expression and the beauty, appreciation and joy for all that comes from this.
A great sharing and something I really relate to and great to read today and understand the suffering of shyness and withdrawal and what it really means in lack of appreciation and love for oneself and the responsibility we all have to shine and sparkle our own unique expression and the beauty, appreciation and joy that comes from this.
Love is such that if we ‘do do it again’ we get another chance to learn, there are no mistakes only learnings and when we look at it like this it takes the sting and the heaviness out of life.
When people feel lonely they often will enjoin in something they don’t really want to, they may take drink or drugs to suppress these feelings. Far more better to do what you have done Sandra and stop feel what is truly happening, nominate it and then choose to see it differently – what you share with us here is true healing.
“it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others.” Holding back and being shy with others is exhausting but being open offers the opportunity to feel the reflection of your light in others.
Great to expose how hiding away is actually to make it all about ourselves. We can in this moment wave the victim flag when in fact it is about being honest with why we shy away from what we truly want to engage with and be part of.
There is a responsibility we hold in offering everyone the opportunity to feel and appreciate what we have to offer. Anything less is playing the game of doubt and the illusion that is sold to us that we are ‘showing off’.
When I hold back and don’t allow my full expression after a while I become tired and the lustre that I felt has disappeared. It is as if we need to keep connecting to others to keep alive that freshness. We are part of humanity and when we don’t share and support each other, especially in large gatherings or in group activities we are inhibiting the potential that we are inextricably a part of and although we think we might separate ourselves in truth we cannot.
One of the greatest parts of life is making mistakes.
I have played that game through my life too Sandra, holding myself back feeling left out, but now I realise that it was all my own doing keeping myself separated from others, but it was myself that I had separated from in the first place, for there is no sense of separation when we are connected to our selves because in fact we then feel connected to everyone.
Feeling yourself retract back into your shell feels horrible once you have felt yourself being warm and open with people. I still have days where this happens, where the protection and isolating myself comes up and it hurts my body to do so, especially across my chest. But I am glad that I get to feel this, as I know how much this isn’t natural for me.
People are playing hide and seek all around the world for their whole lives… How wonderful to break this pattern.
I really disliked the parties at the retreat till I read your blog and this year – my first retreat in 3 years I was on that dance floor dancing with myself and anyone who fancied joining me. I had no interest in knowing if I was on the beat or looked good, I just felt free in my heart to move my body to the music and not have any attachment to what I looked like. This may seem totally obvious to some of the readers of this blog but to me it was groundbreaking. Thank you for the opportunity to remember that and appreciate it this morning!
Instead of beating ourselves up when we fall into a negative pattern much better to see them as an awesome opportunity to learn and to heal from.
‘I had the simple choice to change, and that choice could be made in a moment.’ Is it not amazing to feel how we are actually never stuck in some behaviour but always have a choice? The choice to feel we are surrounded by support to come back to the connection with ourselves.
When we hide away everyone misses out. We say to the world – it is ok to hide too- rather than reflecting to others that the truth we all want is to be seen for who we are.
A deeply inspiring, honest and relatable blog Sandra – Through attending Universal Medicine presentations, I am learning that if I feel isolated or in separation, it is imposed upon myself by choice through falling into an old trap of being disconnected from the innermost essence that is within and equally so in all.
Sandra Henden, that is beautiful, what a grand reflection of change, and how beautiful to see what you have started to choose..
A profound quote by you makes it one: ‘I shall endeavour to play this ‘hide and seek’ game no longer because I know who the true me is. I know what my essence feels like, and it is the real and true me, and I owe it to myself and others to honour the fragility and beauty of that.
Thank you.
“I had come back to the connection with myself, where no one is ever alone.” When we connect to ourselves we connect with the all so we are never alone when we take that first step to be who we are.
Realising that life is not just about ourselves as an individual brings a whole other level of purpose to light. As then we can connect to a greater responsibility that we all hold of the impact we all have on each other with how we are living and the degree of love or abuse we are allowing ourselves to live with. The more we deepen our relationship with the love we are within, the more we realise that this love is equal in us all and that we all deserve to live no less than this love, as anything less is just not acceptable.
A great exposing of the fact that shyness is actually us choosing to hold back who we are, and in doing so harming ourselves and holding the world to ransom. Over the years I have felt, what was labelled as ‘shyness’, but now I can see so clearly, I was playing a game, one in which I was refusing to let the world see how amazing I was. I often wonder why – perhaps it was simply because I was in fear of the reaction that would come my way if I shone my true light?
Yes Ingrid, I suspect there are many who would fall into that camp – most likely put off by those who did shine their light and the attention they got. All too often the same energy of hiding is in those who express very loudly!
We don´t need to do it on our own! That moment of connection and intimacy someone offered you, supported you to re connect to you. Why ever isolating when help is everywhere around you all the time. You just have to ask or being open towards it.
There is a whole universe around us that is forever supporting us and we are inextricably part of a greater whole so in truth one can never be alone.
Loneliness is not about having other people around, it is about being connected to ourselves. If we can accept this we can more honestly look at why it is we feel lonely, sometimes even in a room full of people. I now that when ever I feel I am alone I need to look at deepening the relationship with myself.
Thank you for sharing so openly Sandra. I know the feeling of withdrawing very well and what I had to face was that this had nothing to do with others but everything to do with the fact that I was not loving myself and therefor needed other people to acknowledge me. if that did not happen, or I did not create a situation in which I could offer something that would make me feel worthy I would instantly withdraw and ..let’s face it .. be in self-pity. The understanding that what we come across is what we have created is a sometimes difficult, but always deeply freeing experience.
What I have noticed is that in those moments like you have described it is about letting go of what is holding you in a certain way and giving yourself permission to move more freely. This allows your body to free itself from the predetermined movements. I have also noticed that if the patterns that lock you up are really ingrained then it takes a consistent commitment to choose something different.
Withdrawl? You and the rest of us Sandra. In my experience we all have different methodologies but the outcome we seek is the same thing – ‘get me out of here’. But the me who is seeking this is not the true us. When we start to see this is true withdrawing stops appealing so much. Why run away from our true Love?
Cutting off from one another, being aloof and retreating are all just signs we have been hurt, opening up to love that is always there sometimes is not easy but when we connect again with our bodies and say yes we can not lose.
I certainly agree with how unique we each are – comparison doesn’t help the appreciation of your qualities. We are all similar in qualities and the difference being is the expression of those qualities we only know. As Sandra expresses honesty is key to come back to that quality – “..remain honest and open and allow myself to shine in my own unique way.”
Holding back your unique expression is actually a very arrogant attitude towards heaven, as you deny their plan, by rejecting what you are.
I recognize the ‘retiring into my shell’, especially when I don’t know anyone. But since attending Universal Medicine presentations and healing sessions I learned that everything we do is a choice – if an uncomfortable one at times. Knowing I am enough whether alone or with people is still a work in progress.
“The wanting to be liked by others, or the desire to feel special, comes from a lack of love for myself, and this also is a choice.” I know this feeling and nothing is ever enough when you are in it. It feels really beautiful that it is possible to love myself deeply so I don’t feel like I have to be special, different or do something amazing because I am already feeling I am all that I need to be.
I love what you said Sandra about withdrawing from others and feeling separated is a choice. When I have done this same thing there was always a feeling that I was being stubborn and acting like a victim of other people’s attitude towards me. But when it came down to it, all I had to do was drop the guard and protection from getting hurt and have some understanding of others. It then becomes easier to appreciate others and myself.
Appreciation, and more appreciation are invaluable tools of our everyday living, ‘the realisation came that this all comes from jealousy of and comparing myself to others, and a lack of appreciation for myself.’
“That I am choosing to withdraw because I am dishonouring my own unique expression by trying to be like others!” This is a super cool awareness Sandra and one that shows us that we have a responsibility to not only share and connect from our own unique expression. It also brings it back to the simplicity to simply express how we feel to speak, move and love without perfection just a willingness to surrender to the discovery of who we are.
Beautiful how you were supported to come back to yourself, ‘Through the support of others, I had come back to the connection with myself, where no one is ever alone.’
We learn a lot about ourselves when we observe our movements in life. Doing this without critic can be really illuminating. Thank you for sharing this Sandra.
I had a moment recently where everyone was at an end of year party and dancing and myself and a friend were the only ones sitting and it felt awkward, the longer I sat the more rigid I felt in my body. We got up and stood at the back of the room so we wouldn’t be so noticed, then by that movement I was able to gradually let go and I realised that I didn’t want to stay stuck and rigid so I just let it all go and allowed myself to dance- it was such a freeing feeling and has changed a lot for me since, of not worrying so much about what others think and just allowing myself to be and do what I want instead of judging myself so critically.
Yes the body naturally loves to move, it is the mind that can intercept sometimes and try to tell us otherwise.
Beautiful to feel how with the support of others you were able to reconnect with yourself and thus with others. You took the first step by attending the celebration rather than hiding away and then you had the willingness to look at what had happened and be transparent about your sabotaging behaviour. Thank you for sharing as I would imagine that most people can relate to this, I know that I certainly can.
Not needing anyone who acknowledges you is the biggest pull for people to be with you. We always think we have to perform although it is the opposite. The more I am truly with myself the more the door is open for others to join that place- actually we know and feel that deep inside us. It is about how much do we accept the reflection and love from others that automatically is on offer then.
Sandra I read your para which you wrote about yourself, and I love what you are working on; falling in love with yourself all over again….sounds like good medicine and one I will be giving myself too!
Me too! Falling in love with ourselves supports us to lovingly work on the behaviours that we have used to sabotage ourselves for so long and reconnect with the fun-loving and deeply divine essence inside us.
I know that one Sandra, making life all about me…. and I am feeling I still dip into that old way of living, and is for me to be aware of and cut it as it serves no-one. And as you say life is a mirror and reflects back to me where I am, it feels a good time to pause for a stock take!
‘..we are all equal in the eyes of God, so it doesn’t make sense to judge another or compare as we are on this path together – the path of return to who we truly are.’ This is all about honouring our unique angle of presenting God on earth, we are all a sparkle shining just slightly different but like you say we are equal.
Thank you Sandra for so honestly sharing your experience, I can relate to this guardedness withdrawal and isolation, I have lived this way for much of my life, I am slowly lowering the barriers down and feeling more of the real me come out, but just the other day I felt myself go into that old pattern, the standing back from others like someone looking in but not participating. I felt very separate, your writing has given me incites to ponder on as to why I would go back into that old energy.
Whoops! When we make a slip up, it is super important to never judge ourselves for what we have done as this closes the door on any possibility to truly understand and heal what is coming up for us in such a situation.
This is so key as we are not perfect and when we add judgement to the equation the hurt and the self – acceptance is the first port of call. Life is full of lessons and no matter how big or small they may be when we make the choice to learn and let go the healing is truly felt in the body.
Love this title Sandra. And just like in the movie ‘Groundhog Day’ we go around and around repeating the same mistakes until we finally can say we got over that. And then another ‘Opps I did it again’ appears in a different scene in a different area of our living and it is all on again. Life is, after all, about learning.
This is a beautifully raw and honest blog Sandra and an experience that any of us have and can experience the moment we go into our heads. It is when we leave our body behind that we feel lonely, and it makes perfect sense that we should as being in the head without any connection to the body is a lonely place to be and this leaves an opening where all sorts of self denigrating thoughts can enter.
Withdrawal is an easy way out when we have something that we are not willing to face or feel, however, when we make life about evolution 24/7 we understand that it is through our interactions and the reflection of another that we can discover and embrace more of who we truly are, and that it deserves to be shared with all.
“There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others.” Even if we are physically alone feeling our connection with ourselves can show us we are never really alone -@trying’ but can have connections with everything – and everyone – around us. ‘Trying’ gets us nowhere – I have been a master in this! Accepting where we are at and looking at our patterns with honesty allows us to evolve.
It’s so true Sandra, whenever we try to be like another, we cannot possibly be ourselves.
Thank you Sandra, today reading your blog again what I was appreciating was how gentle you were with yourself as you worked through the energy behind the old pattern, and also the gentleness of others. We can all use this reminder to be this tender with ourselves, and extend a loving arm around another as they find their way back to themselves also.
It is so true… When we are simply ourselves, there is nothing more attractive
Great to express what is not us. The true you is gorgeous, super funny, full of joy and super sexy and oozing with confidence, I have had the pleasure of seeing like this in your full glory a number of times.
‘ Could that be it?… That I am choosing to withdraw because I am dishonouring my own unique expression by trying to be like others!’
I would say I’ve studied others to know how to act and be socially accepted and liked but with this way there comes a feeling of deceit and falseness that cannot be trusted or loved. Makes so much sense to enjoy accepting oneself and letting go of any need for others to treat you in particular ways. I’ve found parties to be excruciating when I am not accepting myself and appreciating who I am because it feels like everyone knows how awful I feel and I then add on embarrassment, awkwardness etc. But parties when I am feeling how lovely I am are great fun.
It is so easy to isolate ourselves simply because we are scared of relating. If I’m feeling shy of someone I have found that it is helpful to first admit that to myself and then if they are open to a conversation admit it to them. In that there is the beginnings of a true relationship, and hey presto I am out of isolation.
I had exactly this experience recently, where I could feel that I was being friendly but not fully letting myself connect or be seen for who I really am by other people. It feels horrible to deny and protect your true self when all anyone of us really want is connection.
Clocking those old patterns and renouncing them could be a lifelong pursuit, but well worth the effort. Especially as quite often it is these old behaviours that get too much attention and we see them as being a part of us, and at times bigger than us – which only has us believing we are less. I love the way this blog brings us back to appreciation and the fact that we are not our held onto beliefs. Thank you Sandra
Sometimes we forget that playing games, a game of increasing a certain behavior that is not true and playing this in interaction with yourself or your environment, is actually not truly evolving us or allow ourselves or the other to be held in love. Playing games is something that occurs a lot in relationships of all kind. It is the tension that this game gives – that works on certain feelings, emotions and patterns. As it creates a tension of ‘reason why we should not love someone or ourselves’. Can mean for example that in a certain situation a hurt is touched or came to the surface – a method to then not feel that can be dulled down with any behavior, that you know that works well to over cover this or distract you or another from entering closer to this hurt or even touch it again.
It is powerful when we can nominate and renounce those patterns that we have relied on in order to play small and not been seeing, it is only then we can start to accept ourselves and let out our light be seen through our movements as a reflection of God within us.
Jealousy and comparison are the killers of connection, be it with ourselves or any other. One slip into this energy and we have lost appreciation for all that we bring.
Thank you Sandra, it is wonderful to gain an awareness of ourselves by seeing a pattern of behaviour and then make the choice to simply and lovingly change. This was a great line for me “There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this.” That is ultimately what we miss the most, our own connection and the feeling of our essence, and enjoying our responsibility to bring that to others instead of needing something in return in relationships, to fill the void of the absence of our own inner connection.
How lovely that you were in a community that was open to supporting and nurturing you in your journey of reconnection to yourself.
it is crazy the games we play, exposure of our habits and behaviours can be painful but always worth it if we want to truly evolve.
Sandra, thank you for writing this article, I can feel how many of us may have these feelings but may not want to be honest about them or talk about them; ‘the realisation came that this all comes from jealousy of and comparing myself to others, and a lack of appreciation for myself’, I love how you have been so open and honest in what you are sharing in this article, it is really helpful and supportive as this shyness and comparison is something that I have felt on many occasions, it is great to have it exposed and to be discussing this.
“Through the support of others, I had come back to the connection with myself, where no one is ever alone. There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this.” I love what you have shared Sandra, I too have been into the hiding game, but I am learning that little by little as I connect more deeply to myself, I am much more open and honest with others.
Withdrawal from life is a pandemic that has people hiding away from friends and family, and instead spending all their time with TV.
“Through the support of others, I had come back to the connection with myself, where no one is ever alone. There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this.”
its such a game changer when we start to appreciate how much the connection can come from within and how sustaining it is- naturally. then the behaviours so many of us go into to seek connection or attention from others can be arrested right there, and we all get the joy of more love and contentment either within us or reflected to us- a true win/win!
Withdrawing is holding back our unique expression often in fear of allowing others to see how grand we all truly are. To fall into the comfort of holding back is a way in which we are choosing to not be truly responsible for why we are here and what we are to reflect. Expression= RESPONSIBILITY no matter how big or small. It all counts.
I find it amazing how it can be truly loving when I move myself out of the way, which basically means to release myself from the issues that I can hold on to which keeps people out or at bay from knowing who I really am. It is loving because when there is the truth of me, there is only love to be expressed for the other person or people, it is as simple as this.
There are so many games we can play and the illusion in these games is that it makes us think it is serving us in one way or another when they are actually not serving us at all to be our selves. For example we think being shy helps to hold the attention away from us which might feel safe thus ‘serving us’ but in fact we are not being truly ourselves so it is not serving us at all. It is really important with these games to ask who we are serving with our behaviour.
During Universal Medicine Retreats we can really get a true sense of what its like being ourselves in full and live it in a very supportive environment. This can be challenging because we are so used to living with our patterns that we may not always be aware of them. But stand out they do during retreats because it is so obvious where we are not choosing our truth and we are not allowing ourselves to stand in the glory of who we are. We can very easily sabotage this. It is totally awesome that this pattern was recognised as a pattern and that it was not acknowledged as being who you are. There is much to appreciate even in this – choosing you over a pattern – now that’s worth celebrating.
I often find myself isolating myself from others. I am better at catching myself at it these days, and when I do I remind myself to simply open to connection with the next person who is in front of me. Without connection I can go into self-loathing and find myself in a dark hole. As soon as I connect with someone I am reminded how beautiful and awesome I am. It is a huge difference. It is definitely worth the effort to open up.
I have been inspired by Universal Medicine for the last 13 years and I have really started to feel and understand the importance to keeping our connection with the qualities that we are.
Sometimes we are like a dog that has not been cared for, we have lost our trust with humans and need some time and consistent care and love to be reminded of our own love.
This old pattern is one of withdrawal, guardedness and isolation, which has me distancing and separating myself from others, and this is not at all like the playful, light hearted, down-to-earth, sparkly person I normally am. This sounds so familiar to me. I have let this happen in social situations time and time again and always thought it was me. Now I know I have a choice here, to stay tender, open and joy full in these moments of ‘take-over’ from an outside energy source, entering me. I don’t need to allow this energy in. I can choose to stay as the playful, light hearted, down-to-earth, sparkly person I normally am.
I really appreciate Oops moments, they are such a wonderful opportunity to learn, move forward and kick out the fear of making a mistake. Thank you Sandra for your honesty and openness.
It is so liberating seeing behaviours as patterns rather than who we are. Once you identify with a pattern, as ‘that’s me’, it can lock you into thinking that’s who you are and it will never change. Seeing it as an energetic pattern creates room to question if that behaviour is coming from the real you or just a familiar game we have been playing for years/lifetimes.
Yes Fiona, could this simply be an old momentum that we have the opportunity to reconsider and change?
By all we can no longer judge or be critical in any way shape or form. And so whenever we have chosen a pathway that had no truth or love, we can only say oops nominate it and move on in the truth and love we know to be. As without our choice and commitment to be a student of life – we dwell in an energy of evil that is not us at all.
I used to believe I was not a people’s person. But since interacting with Universal Medicine and the student body I have learnt that I am a huge people’s person! So much so that it hurts when I choose to stay away from others under a cover of hurt, mistrust, fear or withdrawal. It’s painful to keep myself isolated and any thoughts that try to justify this are simply not true as when connected to my essence I can’t but love to be with others.
Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon offer so much insight into how we can and do play small, keep separate from humanity, shutting down our lovely essence and our divine connection to the All in the Universe. The more I understand and appreciate this truth, and choose to live this for myself the more I clearly see playing small and keeping safe is no trade off for living the fullness we are in truth.
Everyone has something to offer the world yet it is when we know this to be true and hold back we are opening ourselves to the behaviours that have been shared so honestly in the blog. We just have to observe the movements in ourselves as human beings to see and feel that the connection we are all looking for comes from one another and that there are many pieces that make the whole.
Choosing to bring forth your piece in the puzzle is what bring the vitality to each moment and encourages another through our reflection to bring their pieces as well.
Before Universal Medicine I didn’t have quite the grasp I do now on the idea of patterns of behaviour. But essentially I can see now many aspects of my life where I repeat certain ways of living that are not supportive or really reflective of the person I can be. It is great to clock such things, just as Sandra has written about here, and allows us to stop behaviour that is not how we want to behave and be.
“the realisation came that this all comes from jealousy of and comparing myself to others, and a lack of appreciation for myself. However, all of this is NOT ME, not the true me.” This is an absolutely stunning realisation and requires great honesty to perceive and acknowledge. Letting go of the identification of negative behaviours as actually being the behaviour is a massive step in healing as it enables one to be objective, to see the behaviour for what it is and then to address it.
Thank you Sandra, I really appreciated your openness and vulnerability in sharing your experience. I have also recently noticed how I spark up and feel a reconnection to my essence just by being with people.
This blog highlights how important it is to connect to others and how devastatingly lonely it can be to be isolated. Even though the author was in a crowed room it shows that it is a choice and takes some effort on our part to engage with others, or shut them out.
This reminds me of the many lonely elderly we have sitting in their homes day and night without any company or connection with the outside world, many just waiting for the half hour for when the carer arrives, who is often rushed and already thinking about the next appointment – it is not a good situation.
Yes great point Samantha, it is far more empowering to understand shyness as an end-point of choosing to retract, rather than the starting point in which we take on ownership of ‘being shy’. We are not inherently shy as adults, but we can choose that as an expression and all that comes with it, as you describe so beautifully Sandra. Not accepting this as who we are, but as a chosen expression gives far more to work with than the other way around.
Its amazing that under the disguise of being ‘shy’ we can convince ourselves we are not worth it and pretend to play small. Thank you for exposing shyness for what it truly is Sandra.
Its amazing that under the disguise of being ‘shy’ we can convince ourselves we are not worth it and pretend to play small. Thank you for exposing shyness for what it truly is Sandra.
I’m not pretending that I don’t go back into my old habits now and then… of course I do, I’m not perfect, but rather than dwell on a way of behaviour that is not true and knowing that retreating into my shell is showing a lack of responsibility in as much as I am then holding back the reflection of how amazing I am, I can begin to take steps to bring myself back. The choice is mine and no-one can do it for me. We are always reflecting to the world whether we ‘think’ we can hide or not.
I have felt like this too Sandra in big gatherings, but what I am learning is, like you, it is about not accepting me and who I am and therefore trying to comparing myself with everyone else. I remember in the past feeling rejected if I wasn’t where the action was, thinking there was something wrong with me and feeling like a spare part. The more I understand this the more I am able to stop and just enjoy being me in these situations. I certainly haven’t mastered it yet and part of this is calling out to myself what is happening at the time and then lovingly tell myself that I am absolutely fine being me.
I can feel the ridiculousness of how we hide and isolate ourselves from each other when all we yearn for is to connect and bring back that feeling of belonging to the all. We are all playing the same game here, so thank goodness for people like Serge Benhayon who reflects to us how truly grand and amazing we are otherwise, God only knows how long we would continue to play the game.
You wouldn’t angrily berate a child if they got something wrong (well, I have to a admit that I definitely have – but you get my point!) so how come we are so often, so hard on ourselves? Why is a two year old allowed to stuff up, but a forty-two year old isn’t? I am gradually re-learning to parent myself with the love and patience and grace and lack of judgement that most of us would aspire to when parenting children.
Great comment Otto, and very supportive. I am very hard on myself at times, but I can see how this is in fact self defeating, not very gentle and certainly not loving. How can we expect to evolve if we constantly berate ourselves for not behaving like we ‘think’ we should without appreciating that we have the awareness to deal with stuff that comes up in the first place.
“Shyness” is a fascinating one to me and can come in many guises. If you met me, you definitely wouldn’t consider me shy. But do I allow the all of me to be seen, am I entirely open to everyone that I meet, do I present a guard of protection…? The answer to all of these is ‘no’…however we name it, present it, describe it..almost all of us are holding back in allowing the world to see all of us…and thus allowing ourselves to see all of the world. So I would say that most of us are ‘shy’
You have a very good point there Otto ‘So I would say that most of us are ‘shy”… otherwise we would all be living in the fullness of who we truly are. I suppose there are different levels of ‘shyness’… some of us are prepared to let ourselves be seen and some of us are still holding onto our hurts and wanting to protect ourselves from being hurt, and therefore hiding. The daft thing is that once we connect to our essence and live this is full, there is nothing to be afraid of, so it appears to me that we are living under the greatest of illusions due to the fact that we are afraid of our own power.
If I think how many times I revert to an old behaviour – it’s so many times. But we’re all learning so it’s understandable that we slip up and make mistakes, the key is how we deal with it from there. I love the title of your blog “Oops I did it again”, because if we live with the understanding that we are not perfect and we don’t hold ourselves to our imperfections, and simply work on them but never let them define us – that’s a great approach to life.
Having a knowingness of how amazing we all are is pretty awesome isn’t it and there is much to be appreciated in that, so having an understanding of why we go into old behaviours allows us to gently pull ourselves out, and you are right, if we define ourselves by our behaviours we are lost.
This is a game I have played a lot in my life Sandra, and it’s as mad and surreal as any sport that you can watch on TV. Take one beautifully formed multi-dimensional being, then have them look at another, get upset and run for the hills thinking that they are ‘not enough’. Crazy! What your words remind me is how oddly we behave when we live forgetting our beauty inside – and invariably, the first step back towards this for me is showing myself some kindness.
Today I am beginning to realise just how awesome it is to have the awareness that we are playing a game. Not so long ago I thought that life as I knew it was ‘it’, and although I had an inkling that there must be more I constantly looked for answers outside of myself, but now I know that all I will ever need is right inside of me, and has always been there and will always be there, just waiting for me to give myself permission to re-connect to it. And I agree, kindness towards oneself is a great place to start.
I have to say that the oops moments often come with the richest of learnings. When I am not afraid to get it wrong, or make a mistake, I give myself so much more permission to gain more awareness, knowing that there will always be another opportunity to try again.
Be open to the ooopps and they can only be celebrated. It is when we close ourselves to evolution that the downward spiral of judgement and criticism kicks in – all of which is, in truth, an illusion to enable us not to take responsibility and step up to the plate of evolution.
You are soooo right Otto, if we allow ourselves to get caught in the downward spiral, it only leads to one thing, more of the same! Recognising that the ooopps moments can be a point of evolution is then an opportunity to lovingly take steps, through our movements, to change. In fact, it’s not a matter of changing ourselves, it is a matter of allowing our true selves to come forth.
This is the beauty of karma, it gives us the opportunity to evaluate and take stock of our behaviours and indeed, try again… and again and again, until we return to who we truly are, which is a never ending, forever journey of unfoldment. At the present moment in time my mind cannot grasp this concept, but somewhere in my being I know it to be true, so this is something I can truly begin to appreciate.
I recognise this old pattern of withdrawing: as soon as I feel uncomfortable I want to walk away. I used to do it by eating, numbing myself so the feelings went away, but more recently, since I have considerably refined my diet, that has been less readily available as an option. So I have walked away, gone silent, avoided people – all the same thing. It feels even more uncomfortable than the original discomfort so now I am learning to take a deep breath and return to the situation or person and explain what I have felt, letting go of any judgment and taking full responsibility for my reaction and my emotions.
Love the honesty. The behavioural details may change but very often the actual root cause hasn’t been dealt with. We have to continue and continue to be super honest.
I also recognise this Carmel, I get super uncomfortable, anxious and just do not want to deal with whatever the situation is, especially when I have to be honest about something. But it is becoming more obvious that numbing these feelings with food is not the answer, and actually dealing with things is.
Playing the game of “hide and seek” is so horribly exhausting and totally futile. It harms not only us as we are holding back who we truly are, but it also harms others as they are being deprived of the reflection of the amazing person we are. Being this amazing person is actually totally natural and this is what is urgently needed in this very messed up world.
I love the playfulness in Oops I did it again; as in I did something not quite right, I acknowledge it, I am aware of it and I am prepared to move on, learning from it without beating myself up about it.
Hear Hear Sandra – I am with you in full with this appreciation of Serge Benhayon and the student body for the constant inspiration to make supportive changes in my life and let go of the old game.
“With deep gratitude to Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and the reflection of the Universal Medicine Student Body, for without this reflection I would probably still be playing the old game”.
Yes Stephanie I am with you and Sandra. It was gorgeous reading how all it took to support Sandra to come back to herself was the brief interaction when another person who was expressing that: “As I was standing on the dance floor like a wallflower, a beautiful woman came up behind me and put her arm around me. We walked around like this for a while and I started to feel myself coming back to me. We gently parted and I then found someone else to connect with, then another and another.” It is so simple. Expressing and reflecting our true essence is an invaluable gift to everyone.
What a great story of how sisterhood works, which is the one on one connection of love with another, so thank you Sandra for sharing. Connecting to another with love and then moving in that sacredness is an energy that is so power-full.
Very honest, the way you describe that this ‘hide and seek’ game is really about making it all about ourselves and our hangups rather than giving it a go and joining in. It’s like needing to stand out through the backdoor, so to speak.
It we are in ‘victim’ mode we are making it about us and ‘in’ it so to speak so cannot see the truth and our responsibility in why we are feeling a certain way or created a certain situation. I used to play ‘victim’ mode so many times, doing this is so debilitating and actually keeps us stuck in the ‘mud’ instead of being able to pull ourselves out of it. To pull ourselves out of it (as you did) we have to love ourselves and be really honest as to what is going on even if it does not feel that nice at time. Better to do this quickly and get out of the mud than wallow in it and stay in the mud for hours, days, years or even lifetimes!!!!!
I found myself withdrawing in a social situation yesterday. I felt the familiar feeling of feeling left out, and I could easily have let this run and allowed it to magnify and actually become the truth. But I caught it and reminded myself to come back to eye contact and simply make connection. Without the eye contact we can get lost, but re-introduce it and it brings us back – every time.
‘ I had come back to the connection with myself, where no one is ever alone.’ When we are connected to ourselves we are full, and loneliness does not exist.
I really appreciate cycles and what they show me about myself. Cycles are not a punishment, they are in our lives because of Love. Every time I repeat or break a pattern, I get to feel how it is in my body. Sometimes what I do may not be familiar to myself, but the action feels deeply loving to my body and therefore I will not hold it back. Sometimes there is resistance from others, but knowing my intention and action are both from Love, I am choosing to allow others to deal with their stuff, this is another cycle I am developing in.
I am amazed how we tend to make issues with social outings or our relationships about others and the relationship or situation when in truth it actually reveals more about how we are with ourselves. How content are we within ourselves? Can we handle our own beauty or even feel it there? Can we accept it? If we are totally content with ourselves then naturally there would not be any issue with sharing this with the world.
More and more I am realizing that the way to change our old behavious is to first bring awareness to them and then to make a choice to move in a different way, that is don’t do what we always do. If we just bring the awareness and not change our movements then we are just living with intellectual knowledge and this changes nothing. In fact it makes things worse because we think we have changed something when we haven’t.
Through whatever reason I have often lost the connection to myself in a crowded room and felt so alone in that moment, sometimes choosing to pull myself out of it and sometimes not being able to. If I look at it honestly it is also about lack of self love coupled with comparison and jealousy which are never an issue if the connection to self is not lost.
Sometimes, it takes someone else to remind us that we really are not alone. I’m aware that I sit back sometimes, feeling an unease in myself to mingle…but often it takes one person to break the ice and before we know it, we remember that there is nothing to it, we just need to be ourselves.
Just the other day I noticed how because I had pulled back/contracted in a meeting, reacting to rather than looking at what I could feel in the group, I then went into an old pattern of holding back in general – I felt more flat, my spark for life had dulled and I was pulling away from those around me, already convinced they didn’t want me bothering them. Luckily someone noticed and asked what was going on so I could stop and take time to look at what had happened – these patterns of behaviour can become so insidious!
games and anxiousness, or truth and simplicity.. ah the later is the freshest one id like please. But saying that the choice becomes harder when we are used to things moving in a familiar way.
ah the relationship games. The teeny tiny fight between showing all of our grandness and being stuck in familiarity.
Thank you Monica. We have indeed created a world where we feel that we are alone and isolated from each other, when the stark reality is, we are masters at first dis-connecting from ourselves which then gives us the illusion that we are separate from everyone and the space around us.
Sandra, I find this article really supportive, for me it ‘hits the nail on the head’, I used to be shy often to talk to people and so I would try hard to join in and be part of the conversation, but this felt hard and awkward, I didn’t re-connect to me first and then connect with others. Since being a student of Universal Medicine I now know that my relationship with me is key, first and foremost and that then with this as my foundation my relationships with others will flow more and feel more easy as i will feel more at ease with myself.
Sandra- I too, in the past have found myself withdrawing from others in a group setting, family or work function, believing it was because I was shy, and that was my excuse why I chose to not participate. However, great to expose the truth. Looking back I can feel it was comparison and jealousy that came in, because of the lack or appreciation myself and self worth.
We can look at it as “I have made a mistake again!” Or “awesome, I get another chance to accept and love myself despite what has happened.”
When we are tight with ourselves and express from there, there cannot but be appreciation of ourselves and others. When we have left ourselves and have looked outside of us on others, we will fall into the trap of comparison and/or jealousy.
it’s lovely how we don’t ever really lose that connection with ourselves, we just think we do.
Yes, it starts with connection to ourself it is that simple, ‘ I had come back to the connection with myself, where no one is ever alone. There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others’ , and then the loneliness is not there. A beautiful sharing.
Hi Sandra – this blog has given me the opportunity to look at old recurring behaviours and what I have realised is that I go into comparing myself to old beliefs and ideals around what I have been driven to believe is ‘right’ and being ‘responsible’. I then fall into judging others according to these same old systems that are not true. Life is simple when we call a stop to these old voices and come back to our breath and re-connect to the abundance of love just sitting within waiting to be claimed and shared.
Yes, this is a pattern that is very common for many, and can creep back in even when we think we have healed it, ‘This old pattern is one of withdrawal, guardedness and isolation, which has me distancing and separating myself from others, and this is not at all like the playful, light hearted, down-to-earth, sparkly person I normally am.’ Great you caught it so quickly and brought more understanding and healing to this old pattern.
It is only through our own dismissal of the love that we are that makes it possible to retract us from life and, as in this blog, from the celebration of the love that we are.
Goodness I was thrown back to memories of some of the parties I went to after the retreats and was reminded of how hard I found some of them. How I retreated into myself and disengaged myself from everyone else. This was actually so unlike me! Yet I could feel I didn’t know how to be me without looking for approval or acceptance and I have found the retreats unpack all of that behaviour to leave you with an opportunity to get to know yourself in a whole new way that cuts out neediness, acceptance, comparison and, in fact, loneliness! “I had that connection to myself and the loneliness had gone.” What a gift we are offered for us to step into and develop if we so choose.
“There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. ” When we are able to fully understand and appreicate this, it is possible to also understand that there is no such thing as loneliness, as there is always someone who will want to connect with us when we are connected to ourselves.
Each choice to withdraw from life is one more step away from living who we truly are and giving up on being committed in life.
It’s very beautiful how with honesty and commitment we allow the space to see things for what they are and then have the opportunity to move on.
‘the realisation came that this all comes from jealousy of and comparing myself to others, and a lack of appreciation for myself.’ If I choose to withdraw, I am not only disconnecting from my gorgeous self, but from everyone around me. In choosing not to sparkle, I’m reflecting that choice to others, a choice that is in no way honouring of who I am or of anyone else. Beautiful reminder to allow the space to deeply appreciate myself and everyone else.
I feel I could have written a very similar blog to this having felt the shyness you talk about so often, but if we do look at it honestly and get self out of the way and no longer go into comparison or judgement there is no need to ever have to feel that horrible feeling again.
I love your honesty Sandra. I can so see myself in your sharing. I have always had a tendency to sit or stand back on the edge of most things. Since connecting with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I am learning more about my responsibility in this world and the choices I make determine the outcome of my everyday experiences!
Awesome it is that clarity that we can build that is so supportive to being aware of old patterns that do not support us. And it is so important to see it as a “opps” and not a mistake of failure, to observe what is not us, is a blessing and something to really appreciate. Lovely to share.
In the lack of self-appreciation withdrawing is a safe place to be in- but in that, we are open to negative thoughts that confirm our own misery and others miss out on our reflection of who we truly are.
What I especially love about this blog, is the reflection that it gives to all who read it – that it is ok to be vulnerable and to learn.
Sandra, I could so relate to a lot of what you have shared. I know I have been in a lot of comparison in my life. I wouldn’t have called myself a jealous person, but now that I reflect back on certain situations and how I felt about people, there was indeed jealousy. But I too have realised that when or if I allow comparison or jealousy back in, it is simply a stop for myself to say ‘hey, you are not honouring yourself right now. Your strengths and qualities, that you are here to share and reflect to the world. Plus knowing that it is a choice to let go of those thoughts and come back to appreciating and confirming myself.
With appreciation comes more awareness of what we are all a part of, equally so. We can appreciate our uniqueness, the love we allow to be expressed through our body and how that expression is equal in essence but flavoured with our own lived experiences.
The beauty is found in the connection to our bodies and how wonderful it is to be able to stop, observe and reflect on how we are living and the choices we make everyday. That is a true gift for us all to appreciate.
To talk about ‘oops I did it again’ with a curiosity and openness makes for an amazing opportunity to learn. I have spent so long in a straight jacket of self berating which left no space for me to explore what lay behind my behaviour and ask for support if needed.
Amazing how easy it is for us to go into automatic pilot! Making different choices requires awareness and a willingness to move beyond what feels comfortable.
I know well the feeling of creating my own little prison where I hold myself captive and boil over with jealousy and comparison while observing others having a good time. Simply horrible. All it takes is to be open to connection, and whether we connect with others or not we can still remain open. It is in the way that we hold ourselves that determines how we will feel. Take on a closed stance and this is how we will feel and how we will be perceived. Move and breathe and stand with openness and this is what we communicate. It’s a simple choice.
When I catch the game I play, it is also an opportunity to see how loving I can be and equally whether I can appreciate the willingness to see what is not true.
Due to an experience over the last two days this blog came back into my memory. Withdrawing from my sparkly, open, light self that I have developed a relationship with over the last few years – to separate from this is devastating. To make the choice to say and believe that ‘I can’t be me’ feels horrible. It’s not that I can’t it’s ‘I have chosen not to’. Being aware of the power of my choices allows me to feel empowered rather than a victim of life.
I can remember as a teenager trying time and time again to make some kind of connection to others but not succeeding very often, then choosing to disappear into the background and shrink. Oh to have had this wisdom presented to me at an early age, what a lot of trying and a lot of shrinking it would have saved. “There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others.”
If I feel left out or lonely these days I know it is because I have left me out and alone having lost connection with myself. Often simply by surrendering back into who I really am, I get to feel I can never in truth be alone or lonely when i am with the all.
I think many of us can relate to feeling like a wall flower at some point in time, I love how you have found that in vulnerability and accepting of how you feel is the gateway to change unhealthy emotions that are in truth not us and never were us. Having the ability to be loving with ourselves is crucial to any kind of true development.
Inspirational Sandra, your commitment to stay vulnerable and honest – your ability to simply ‘welcome’ this learning is 90% of the healing.
“This is what I called ‘being shy’ in the old days, but now I see that it felt horrible because I was refusing to shine, I was hiding away, not wanting to be seen, and I was also making it ‘all about me.’ ” Gosh! I can relate to this so well and to accept that my ‘shyness’ is/was a result of me holding back and making it all about me is very humbling. Thank you for sharing so openly, Sandra.
I can relate to your sharing Sandra as I have done a similar thing many times before myself. Sometimes I feel fine and connect well with others and at other times I become withdrawn and don’t feel I fit in. I realise that this is saying to me that I have a low self esteem and remind myself that I am equal to all.
The games that people play world wide will continue like a tsunami of dysfunction until the truth of what we are actually here to do is felt in humanity’s heart
Sandra – it is great to read your article, I have for many years held myself as less than others and can feel that I have not been honouring and accepting my own unique expression, I have noticed how this is changing and that I am now much more accepting, gentle and loving with myself and am choosing to stay present in my body rather than going into my head comparing myself to others and thinking I am less. It is a waste of energy to compare ourselves as we are all equal and all have our unique qualities to bring.
So often in my life I have felt exactly what you have described here Sandra and if I am honest I have left parties or celebrations early because I felt totally out of place or I didn’t go in the first place as I didn’t think it would be my scene . I used to be able to mask my shyness with alcohol, but since I stopped drinking there has been many times my shyness has taken over and I have lost being me totally. This blog for me has been very healing, thank you so much for sharing it.
It is so amazing to hear how many of us feel like this and that by talking about it we realise we are not the only ones who feel like we don’t fit in or are isolated in some way…
This is such a great line – about how connection with ourselves is what others can feel and this in turn sparks connection with eachother. This takes away all the need for acceptance that we can generate by looking outside of ourselves for friendship to fill the gap we have created by not loving who we are first. So simple, love who you are and you are open to love.
I can really relate to this ‘shyness’ game. I appreciate the honesty Sandra shares with us. This blog has helped me go deeper and have more compassion for myself as I learn to accept that I am equal and don’t need to hide anymore.
I can feel what my life used to be like when I would not bring myself in my fullness, but settle for being in comfort, and what this has done to my body. Comfort used to be my middle name and a lot of what made up my past issues kept me in comfort, these issues all revolved about me going into what I felt was comfort. As I feel how I am now claiming my inner strength, which is to do with me simply feeling my connection to the divine through being at-least gentle with my breath, my life has changed and I feel that it is full of true purpose.
It is through the connection with ourselves first that we can build true intimacy in our relationships , no games just a willingness to express from our vulnerabilities and fragilities with an open heart.
This way of learning by observing how you describe it is a very loving way to walk through life. It is this very beholding that allows us to stay open and asking for more.
Sandra I’ve often found true celebration and appreciation to be one of the hardest things to accept because in that it’s about both appreciating myself for just being me and also all others. I’ve had experiences like you shared so it’s great to be honest with the part I was holding onto and associated myself with instead of allowing myself to live in the appreciation and celebration of my true self and life.
Finding time to lose myself was so easy and now even a moment of distraction and a feeling of being lost and or disconnected from my true inner-self, now seems like a life-time.
Thank you Sandra, this blog emphasises for me how easily we identify with a behaviour as ‘just what we do’. I love you challenged these patterns in yourself to see that these ways are not you. God knows this process applies to us all in so may ways. The beautiful part is when a new choice is made, the door is wide open and the issue can naturally slip away.
We might think of ‘shyness’ as a modest virtue but you expose it here Sandra as a form of hiding our light and a ‘choice to withdraw’ which is ‘making it all about me’ and therefore selfish because by dishonouring our ‘own unique expression’ we deny our connection and this is felt by others. We forget that whatever we do affects others and if we choose to shine we bathe others in our light and love.
As I realize more and more how much we are here to meet each other and to learn/grow on each other I see that withdrawing is a way to hold myself in an anti-evolutionary state. In truth I do not keep myself safe from a hurt, but from evolving. The hurt is just a creation to have a good excuse. It works very well this creation – but at the end we are made to evolve. We are a part of the universe which does for ever expand and so we feel the pull from here to do so as well. To work against this pull does require a lot of effort and we have mastered to an extent the charade of ‘holding back’ by using the cycle of abuse and hurt – but it is reflected by our exhaustion, illnesses and desperation (even when we try to cover it with entertainment and food) till we accept the pull and surrender again to it. Key is really to take responsibility – for all what is happening in our life and on earth.
When we hide who we truly are everyone misses out. The more we show our divinity the more joyful it is to be with people.
” This old pattern is one of withdrawal, guardedness and isolation, which has me distancing and separating myself from others, and this is not at all like the playful, light hearted, down-to-earth, sparkly person I normally am.” I wonder is there such a thing as ‘shyness’ or is this just the game of holding back our sparkly self
It is lovely to read the description of coming back to one’s self Sandra, so simple and without condemning yourself. That is the beautiful thing we are in essence untouched and waiting to be re-connected with in any moment.
Isn’t oops a great word? Its expression is such a simple gentle reminder that we have done or said something, or repeated a pattern, that is harming to ourselves and others, no matter how insignificant it may seem. A wonderful blog to ponder on Sandra, thank you.
Some great observations here Sandra, and one line in particular makes perfect sense “The wanting to be liked by others, or the desire to feel special, comes from a lack of love for myself’.
Very true Julie, building a strong foundation of love for self is vital.
” There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this.” This precious! And confirming. Because sometimes I put it other way around-and it does feel terrible.
Thank you, Sandra.
Beautifully honest and real Sandra thank you for sharing for this tendency is something familiar to so many as a retreat from oneself that needs to be called and exposed to allow true love back into one’s life. ” This old pattern is one of withdrawal, guardedness and isolation, which has me distancing and separating myself from others, and this is not at all like the playful, light hearted, down-to-earth, sparkly person I normally am.”
I love this because it gives another perspective on what being shy is, yes it can be if we don’t feel confident or have low self-worth or low self-esteem but it could also be because we are on some level holding back and holding others to ransom. This is healing for me because on reflection when I look at my life and when I was younger I can actually see that when I thought I was ‘shy’ I was actually being stubborn in not shining and showing others who I truly am. And this is definitely true ‘the desire to feel special, comes from a lack of love for myself’. Loving your honesty here.
I dabble with the ‘hide and seek’ game, and I can say from experience that I don’t really rate it. It’s not worth it. It simply delays us from connecting with others which is ultimately what we all want.
The pain of withdrawal is just too much. There is no reason to contract and hide ourselves from others. When we allow ourselves to be open and to truly connect with others it feels so beautiful. It is well worth the imagined risk of being rejected or hurt.
I fully relate to everything you have shared Sandra, and what I feel made all the difference is that when you started to move, your rhythm was no longer aligned to feeling not worthy – I know this is true for me. So I feel movement has a lot to do with me connecting to my inner self, which is bringing me out of myself or is it I am actually returning to myself?
Appreciation is the antidote to comparison. When we appreciate our uniqueness, have fun with being ourselves and know that our expression is a needed part of the whole, there is then nothing to compare to.
I love the oops part. It is so common to berate ourselves and give ourselves a hard time. But the oops takes the pressure and expectation off. We are students of life and we are forever learning.
This is gold Sandra, how can we make comparison to others when we are all equal sons of God with our own unique expression
I am naturally a shy person and relate to your sharing as in the past I have withdrawn from others in order to find comfort and not take responsibility of my choices. Living with purpose has allowed me to overcome this as I now understand that life is not about me but about sharing with the world my own expression and reflection of truth.
“I decided I never wanted to be beaten or bullied by those thoughts ever again” Recently I’ve started a new job whereby being open and friendly with people is a baseline, yet here I am fearing that if I truly open up I’ll be rejected. But those thoughts feel so heavy! and actually what I am finding more and more is that if I focus on appreciating the interactions I have when I do open up those thoughts bare less weight and at the moment they feel outdated. All those ideas and excuses that ‘something’ threatening will happen feels out of place. Thank you Martin for this inspiration.
When I express how I feel to, in whatever way that may be – say something, walk with a bounce in my step, sing etc – the moment I compare or not appreciate and celebrate this coming out is when I feel disturbed. However when we feel disturbed we are taught to distract but that does not heal only creates MORE disturbance within. Connecting back to myself, appreciating and celebrating what I felt and acted on – no disturbance and no need for a distraction that leaves me feeling sick, miserable and alone.
Sandra, this feels so true, ‘ That I am choosing to withdraw because I am dishonouring my own unique expression by trying to be like others!’ I can very much relate to all that you have shared in this article, I too have and sometimes still do withdraw due to comparing myself to others and feeling lesser and so feel that what I have to say and contribute is not as worthwhile,I can feel reading your article, that this is not true and that what I have to share is equally as valid and important as everyone else and how important it is to stay with myself, not withdraw and know that I am equal to others.
There is such grace and understanding in exploring and accepting what you were shown in this situation, Sandra. From this place it feels like you afforded yourself the opportunity to learn and be supported which is really inspiring.
God has infinite patience and an endless supply of love towards all of us, sometimes I feel it is a shame we do not have the same compassion, love and patience towards ourselves, choosing instead to give ourselves such a hard time for not living up the expectations of others or indeed ourselves, which comes through comparing ourselves to others who are also on the very same path, even if they don’t realise it yet.
It has been my experience that the moment I am in comparison or even jealous with someone else it is a give away that I am not fully appreciating myself and my own expression in the world. The more I actually appreciate and feel the deliciousness of my own expression coming from my essence, through my body, the less I want to compare.
“Through the support of others, I had come back to the connection with myself, where no one is ever alone” Sometimes when I get stuck in something if I speak to those close to me it really helps, just to express this is how I am feeling is deeply healing, usually after expressing I come back to me. When we surrender and let in the support that is all around us life flows.
“I shall endeavour to play this ‘hide and seek’ game no longer because I know who the true me is. I know what my essence feels like, and it is the real and true me, and I owe it to myself and others to honour the fragility and beauty of that.” This is awesome Sandra -good for you, knowing you as I do you shine really bright and people naturally want to be with you. Being the real you is such a gift for everyone. Thank you for sharing.
‘However, all of this is NOT ME, not the true me.’ To know that we are much more than these behaviours that make us feel less than means we also have a choice which you recognised Sandra. This is true empowerment – taking our power in any situation and being true to ourselves. There are no excuses – (note to self!)
It is crazy how we choose to cut ourselves off from people, when what we all want most in the world is to be loved! I have had times in my life when I have done this, and even though it still happens from time to time, I now know that the best way to come back to me is to go and find someone to connect to. And it always works!
It is so true that it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others and can be so magnetic.
I have come to understand that we make a choice to separate from our true nature but we do not make a choice to reconnect. We simply note the energy we are in and realign. In other words we cannot come back to our self until we have renounced the energy we have allowed in. It is a bit like letting a destructive person in your home, you cannot make a choice to no longer have the person there without acknowledging the energy they are bringing in and ushering them out.
Withdrawing and focussing on our ‘self’ will always bring with it an issue; and yet, when we remember the all we are a part of, the self is reduced and responsibility brings us clarity.
I had an experience the other day where I felt a bit off and did not greet someone with all of me. And it hurt both of us because all we wanted was to connect. Funny how we can try and avoid the one thing we all want: love. Holding back is the easiest way to do so.
These social games are all too common and keep us from truly evolving or experiencing what true togetherness is.
Hahaha I love it Martin, I did the very same thing myself . . . defeated those thoughts . . . went up to a guy who felt like a gorgeous person shaking like a leaf and asked him if the feeling was mutual. I walked away feeling great even though this guy already had a girlfriend as his response was genuinely appreciative. In fact he told me that I had made his day. My not holding back had made my day as well, I got to see that expression is never about results; the joy being in expressing in full and not holding back.
Letting go of the games that use to control my every way of living has been a struggle but well worth the effort.
“Life reflects back to me where I am and I can’t blame others for my feeling lonely.” – Or any other feeling as matter of fact. Taking responsibility for all in our lives allows us to move on from a ‘stuck’ point – just be doing that we are already given the next step 🙂
Reading your blog this morning Sandra brought a smile to my face as I reflect on times when I can say to myself, oops I did it again. Such a gentle reminder to take responsibility for the oops with honesty and loving kindness.
I picked this line out . . . . “That I am choosing to withdraw because I am dishonouring my own unique expression by trying to be like others!” . . . I have another take on this as I also have a tendency to withdraw. My fear has always been whether people will still like me for if I am indeed honouring all I feel and am expressing in my unique expression this may not be what people want to hear. . . . as often when we step out of hiding and step into our true expression there will always be those that are furious because you have disturbed the comfortable arrangement you had going.
When I do not feel love for another there is no doubt within me that I have chosen to separate from myself and therefore from another but instead of blaming the other I know it is something being offered to me to look at.
Lovely – awesome comment Caroline and allowing for full responsibility then, things can shift very quickly.
It is a game we play and it feels so real and something that is affecting us because we lay more focus on that than putting out there the true version of us. And often we tend to give our power away to this, thinking or feeling that this is bigger than us, as in awful feelings, anxiety, nervousness but as you shared it actually is a choice when we have these feelings come up – we can choose to withdraw which will only worsen it or we can say no here I am and I want to be me in this world and a condition can actually change in a split second by that choice.
Thank you Sandra, I can relate to what you are saying, I have so often in the past done the same thing! It takes more out of one to stand back than it does to join in with others, feeling the joy and love that is there to share.
Actually, Sandra, I have gone through the same process many times and found that there is a comfort in feeling bad – it confirms lots of negative things and means I don’t have to be in my fullness and express the love and awareness that is there. I have experienced it as painful and comfortable at the same time.
Very true Christoph, the dramas we can create to not be in our glory, but I am finding as the cycles present themselves the dramas do become uncomfortable as I know I’m contracting and living a lie and this is not who I truly am.
“Oops, I did it again”. What a playful way to deal with ones patterns and imperfections. This is so needed in a world where there is so much expectation and pressure and ideals about what is right and what is wrong instead of seeing what is true and what is love?
‘Life reflects back to me where I am and I can’t blame others for my feeling lonely.’ This is so true. Opening up to being with others is so healing and when we don’t we feel the emptiness of choosing to disconnect.
True, and the moment we can take responsibility for this we then have immediately the opportunity to make a new choice. And then we have another reflectoin and so the cycles continue 🙂
Thanks for this gorgeous sharing Sandra, self-love, appreciation and connection are essential in our lives, especially if we find ourselves, ‘ wanting to be liked by others, or the desire to feel special, comes from a lack of love for myself, and this also is a choice.’
I love the title of your blog Sandra. Saying ‘oops’ when we make a mistake and learning from it is so much more loving than beating ourselves up for getting it ‘wrong’!
Yes me too, it takes the harshness out of the sting and just acknowledges that we are here to learn.
I love how you were gently coaxed to be in the world by those around you it sounded very sweet.
“Comparing myself to others, and thinking that I should be more like them, more open, more fun, more engaging – more liked by others. Could that be it?” Yes this is very true. When we do not feel our expression is equally needed as others or see our expression as less than others this feeling of withdrawal and being alone occurs. And with expression it is not only our words and what we say but also our quality how we hold ourselves, how we move etc.
This image of standing in the sidelines and watching others having fun is so familiar, imagining all the amazing things people are probably saying to one another, and thinking myself as worlds apart. I have done this most of my life. Interestingly more recently in one of the Universal Medicine workshops (The Livingness) when we did an exercise of closing our eyes and standing in front of someone, I could feel the love and oneness with the other person regardless of age, sex, or if I already knew them or not, and we were not even saying anything! I am more than ever aware that none of us have anything to fear about being unlovable, or having nothing to offer. And I know how gorgeous it is to connect with someone whoever they are, so why would I imagine anyone would be displeased if I connect with them? Thank you for this prompt Sandra – time to drop this very old pattern for good.
Thanks, Sandra. Your sharing inspires us to be really honest with ourselves about why we do not choose to appreciate and celebrate our essence and the unique qualities we bring.
Thank God we are all different and have our unique expression to offer others. Nobody can be like us and we can be nobody but ourselves, it is crazy that we try to be otherwise, I know I certainly have. It didnt work. Building a loving relationship with ourselves where we can learn to appreciate ourselves and what only we can contribute is a work in progress for me too and I am finding it easier and easier to do.
Gorgeous sharing Sandra, I deeply feel the truth of what you have expressed here, thank you;
“There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others”.
‘ We are all unique in our expression, and by comparing ourselves to others we are giving ourselves away and not honouring ourselves in full as equal human beings.’ Spot on Sandra, the more we appreciate and value the qualities we bring; we make space for a deeper connection with ourselves and with everyone else.
I too spent a lot of my life hiding away from the world which I now recognise as a choice I made. Comparison was also a big self expression squasher for me too and stopped me from simply connecting to who I am and allowing myself to be, which left me feeling anxious and tense a lot of the time. Our connection to self is the choice to be, live and move from who we are naturally so and it is so much fun to connect with others in this way too. Thank you Sandra.
It is so easy to have all of these default settings of disconnection and self-protection and to fall back on them …. And yet we can all experience total paradigm shifts with some simple choices… and this is simplicity itself.
Withdrawing from life is not only a contraction in our body but also robs another from receiving our true reflection of who we are which is what they might need at that point of their evolution.
The fact is we are all interlinked, deeply connected and from the same place. Not only that but everything we do holds a message and a lesson for everyone else who is in this place. We couldn’t get more connected if we tried. Yet we sometimes feel so lonely as you show Sandra. I know I spent many years feeling this blue way too. In the end, the simple truth seems to be when we feel this way we are disconnected and apart – from ourselves, our love and our inner heart. How simple it can be then to refind company. I loved how you show that physical loving touch has the ability to cut through these false ideas and reunite us in a way words and thoughts seldom do.
It is liberating to understand that how I feel reflects my relationship with myself. Yes no blame, just a deepening of my connection with the true potential and already complete being within!
“I have learned through the teachings of The Ageless Wisdom presented by Universal Medicine, that we are all equal in the eyes of God, so it doesn’t make sense to judge another or compare as we are on this path together – the path of return to who we truly are.” We are all on the same path of return, and only together we will complete this, comparison and jealousy creates separation keeping us away from our purpose togetherness to return back to God.
“I was choosing to retract back into my shell and it felt horrible.” Yes it does feel horrible to choose to retract into our shell. At the time it may feel like the safest place to be, but what I have found is that it hurts me beyond measure to hold myself away from people and the connection that is on offer. There is much joy to be found in connection with others and it is so very worth being open to this.
So true Rebecca. And what’s more every time I withdraw, I seem to strengthen that pattern and feel less able to break out. Yet every time I choose to be open regardless of thoughts of uncertainty and vulnerability the more able I am to be open and enjoy the opportunity offered to connect with people.
Interesting that our ongoing thoughts and our experience are determined by our own choices.
We have a choice as to how we are around others, and it first starts with how we are with ourselves. How appreciative of and truly loving we are towards ourselves which then translates into how we are with others. When we can start to see that we are the ones that are creating scenarios and complications in relationships, we can also see that it is not truly us and can choose to reconnect back to truth and love.
Such a simple and yet powerful choice Sandra to choose to connect and come back to yourself and connect with others.
‘Though it was hard to face this truth, I welcomed it, as I saw I was not a victim but I had the simple choice to change, and that choice could be made in a moment.’ There is true freedom when we face the truth – we have the ability to see the game we have played and choose otherwise. I am inspired by your raw honesty Sandra.
There is the truth, and then there is the illusion. The truth never stops revealing itself, whereas the illusion will always evade and conceal, contorting reality. Because of this contortion we can stand on the side or in the middle of the group and justify being there. I find more and more that it is the quality of my thoughts – whether they be honest and loving or not – that determines the truth of where I am standing – be it on the edge or in the middle – it does not matter as long that is the truth of where I am meant to be.
“There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this.” Well said Sandra, this is pure simple truth – from our connection to ourselves we experience that everything we seek in disconnection is already there within us and then, naturally magnetises the same in others.
I love what you have shared Sandra as it highlights to me how when we are truly being ourselves we are being the love of us all. When we go into shyness we essentially have separated from our connection to this love and then give way for comparison and self-judgement to set in. I can related to feeling this for myself but am more and more learning how being honest with what I am choosing to surrender to is what allows me to return to feeling the confidence and joy of simply being myself, the love I naturally am.
“Life cannot be lived in isolation from each other” – There is an interconnectedness that we cannot ignore in life.
“There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others.” This is such a clear, wise and loving truth – thanks for sharing Sandra. It comes down to simply being our responsibility from with-in to reflect to the world who we are in our fullness and not sit back waiting for others to be responsible for us. Just pondering if the extent we try and take on the responsibility of people and situations is the extent we avoid our own true responsibility of self care and love and impose this on others to look after us?
‘There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this. Love how you say ‘ it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others’ Sandra.
Very inspiring Sandra thank you… understanding and overcoming ‘shyness’ is something not many manage to do without the use of aides such as alcohol or by introducing other methods of engaging with others that are not necessarily natural or true to us. Getting to the root of the shyness and being able to approach people by being real, open and willing to engage is a beautiful start.
I had an experience of not being myself recently and being totally away from any behaviour I would normally be expressing with. The more these moments happen the more I humbly realise that it is all energy. We are simply vessels for the energy we choose and such patterns are shown to us by our Soul for us to realise that there is a greater form of love we can choose to live with ourselves and with all.
I had a moment like that today where I saw myself repeating a pattern and just went – ‘Oops, I just did it again. ” It was refreshing to be able to keep it light and easy and in that way I learned a lot. It is all about acknowledging and being honest about our patterns of behaviour because then we can do something about them.
Thank you for sharing this Sandra, Lately I have been feeling as if I don’t belong in the world, that I am unwelcome. But ultimately it is my choice to feel this way. And I feel that this comes from my choice to not claim that I am a part of this world already without needing to try or change myself. That I am enough in life already.
I love this blog, so open and honest and a great reminder of the reflections offered back to us from others of our own choices.
Every time we clock a pattern that feels familiar we have a choice to either keep going into that pattern again and again, or to choose a different way of being and break free from old habits. This is the first step to healing.
I can relate to this of going into an issue and then separating yourself from others and then when you do this everything around you seems to confirm this- you do get excluded or people don’t consider you etc. This is all what we have put out coming back to us. I have noticed when I don’t go into those behaviours everything else around me is different.
Thanks, Sandra. It is so inspiring to see and feel someone step out of an old paradigm and make a different choice, proving that it is never too late to change and claim ourselves in full.
It is so healing when we can give ourselves permission to be aware of an ‘oops’ moment and realize it is our choice to stay stuck in the old way or not. Making a new choice is the beginning of bringing responsibility back to our lives.
To honour and feel our own essence is something that I have found to be unique to the Universal Medicine presentations. As you so rightly say Sandra our essence once felt and qualified as that part we are connected to it becomes unmistakable. To me connecting to my most divine part or essence, also known as our inner-most is the most stilling joyful experience that brings a feeling of being humbly equal with everyone.
It is unwise to blame anything else for our withdrawal. Of course, consider how something has affected you, however, getting to the cause to why it made you renounce your own self-confidence and playfulness is the key for the withdrawal to happen less frequently or never again.
So true Luke, often we can get caught in stories about others/situations doing/saying things to us but ultimately there was something in that interaction. something we felt, that led us to then make the choice to renounce our self-confidence and playfulness.
Sandra, these Ooops moments are very loving and supportive when we allow ourselves to appreciate that we are not perfect. It is with more awareness and willingness to choose to be who we are that we learn the most from these moments.
I like the title of this blog ‘Oops I Did It Again…” it reminds me to not give myself a hard time when I stuff up, that I am learning. I think thats the key, we are always learning – so if we are always learning, the question is what can I learn from this. Not the harsh, rigorous, picture in our head of what we should look like, be doing, how things should be. If I am always learning it changes everything, opens up more in my body and I don’t whip myself for not matching up to the picture ( which is not true and being fed to me, and I feed it) in my head. I have so many images I live by and measure myself that I didn’t realise I had, and some I haven’t even realised yet.
Hear hear , so it is indeed, connect to our selves first and then others by reflection can do the same, awesome cycle…
Reading your blog again today Sandra, I connected to this today: “We are all unique in our expression” – this is so true and this knowing opens the way for us to just express in our fullness without comparison.
The only time I feel myself going into comparison is when I am not connected to my essence, or appreciating myself, so the key for me is to continue to deepen the level of appreciation for me, my qualities and what I bring to the world, because giving myself a hard time just adds to the hardness in my body and walking around with hardness in my body really is not giving the world a true reflection of what a true woman looks like. I have a way to go with that one, but I find that expressing honestly, with myself and others, in a very good place to start.
This is a very open and soul-baring account of what is happening for people who appear to be shy. Thanks for sharing what is going on as it really has helped me understand.
For years Judith, I had asked myself this question, ‘what does being shy really mean’, and slowly by slowing I came to the conclusion that there is no such thing. Being ‘shy’ is just a holding back of our light. Maybe it is a form of protection, not wanting to be hurt, or maybe it is just a lack of responsibility, not wanting to stand out from the crowd and speak our truth. For me, being shy meant I held back, wanting to hide from others, to be left alone, but now I realise that isolating ourselves doesn’t work because sooner or later we will all return to living the One Life in Brotherhood so the sooner we start practising coming out from behind the wall, the better!
When everyone takes a moment to surrender and just be the quality of the connection for all makes the evening a most memorable one.
Very often I hear critique on my expression—most of the time quite subtly expressed due to the culture I live in, but nonetheless critique expressed. In the past I would be greatly affected and would want to change my expression to be accepted, especially with those I feel more attached to. This is a common way to be close to people, and yet it has never been a way true to me as it has always allowed me to feel less than myself. I still catch myself falling for this game at times, but it’s a deeper opportunity to accept and understand attachment even further, that which prevents true connection.
It is crazy the dishonoring habits we can pick up because we are afraid to just be ourselves.
I remember getting a certificate from school because I had given 100% attendance that year which in theory sounds great but in reality there were days when I felt ill but came in anyway as I knew full well when people weren’t at school they got talked about and I didn’t want that. When we connect to ourselves and honor this it does not matter so much about what goes on around us as we can stand strong in a foundation of immovable self-love.
…’stand strong in a foundation of immovable self-love’ – I like the sound of that Samantha, as it is that foundation of love that we build for ourselves that will support us in whatever comes our way, and we can do that by honouring our feelings, being honest with ourselves and speaking the truth, firstly with ourselves and then with others. We are all RE-learning to just BE ourselves all over again, and the one thing that will help us along the way is to connect to the love within ourselves, and be the love that we innately are.
Thank you Sandra – that is so true.
From my dark side my feeling is that I am returning to the amazing person I am or my essence and I feel a deepening connection to that essence every time I read about how others lives have been transformed.
Thank you Sandra a great reminder how we hide our essence in order not to allow others to see who we truly are, lovely how through the support of others you were able to open up and find more of who you are.
‘My shyness is not going to magically disappear overnight…’ this is the gentle understanding that if we can apply it to ourselves opens up a tenderness in our relationship with ourselves that is truly sweet, revelatory and allowing of opportunities to develop and grow. When I berate myself for ‘another’ mistake I immediately shut down my willingness to explore deeper and learn.
A beautifully honest blog Sandra, Thank you.
Beautiful, Sandra. you’re so right. It is our connection with ourselves that is most key, because everyone can then feel the love that we naturally are!
Yes and not only that, it opens the door for everyone else to connect with the love that they are too, a healing for all,
This is such a great thing to claim, Sandra – “I know what my essence feels like, and it is the real and true me, and I owe it to myself and others to honour the fragility and beauty of that.” And that is the only choice we need to keep making.
I love your contribution but especially love your short bio where you say that you want to fall in love with yourself all over again – that is true connection and then everything else gets taken care of.
Yes so beautiful – “…to fall in love with yourself all over again”- such a lovely thing to express and to connect so deeply with ourselves again that we can’t but fall in love with that gorgeousness within 🙂
“As I observed everyone else having fun, being open and playful with each other, engaging deeply in conversation and enjoying each other’s company, I was choosing to retract back into my shell and it felt horrible.” I too know this very well, and agree, it feels really awful even though I know that I am the one who is actually creating the situation. What I realise more and more is that it is simply a choice to change my thought patterns and then everything has the potential to change. We really are in the driving seat when it comes down to our own choices.
Such a great point; when we are not appreciating ourselves fully, the emptiness and void allows us to seek comparison and jealousy to fill this void. I felt it go deeper today as well; I understood the wonder and beauty of the night sky and a grandness we are originally from, and also knowing this outward reflection is what we have inside of us. So why am I not connecting to this wonder and awe I hold within and am equal to this grand universality? What came to me was the hell-bent desire to remain individual and lack of willingness to render individuality naught. I am now embracing relearning how to express from this universal love which I am equal to but spending a lot of energy resisting.
Indeed living life in isolation and withdrawn is counter to our natural interconnectedness and interdependence. It can take a lot of vulnerability to risk being hurt or rejected again but the risks are way worth it.
Thank you Sandra for outing the being in a crowd but feeling lonely behaviour and that at the end of the day it is a choice, and that it all comes down to connection to ourselves first.
It is so easy to fall back into old patterns and habits, it is always there for us to not do this and actually when we surrender to love and get our ‘selves’ out of the way we can easily choose differently.
I know this one so well. If I allow myself to stay in it it is like disappearing down a black hole that is so hard to pull myself out of. It is the thoughts that I allow to enter that convince me that I am not able to join in or worthy of anyone’s attention. A really horrible place to be. I know from experience that it’s best to start by connecting with one person, and this is enough to help me out of the black hole.
Agree Rebecca and this is why our own self-awareness is so important. As you say when we realise we are starting to enter a black hole we have the tools to get ourselves out. However without the awareness the tools are useless.
I have also been like this Sandra, and it is silly but it is so crippling, it’s like a self-imposed prison. The silly part is there is absolutely nothing to fear from others, like you say it’s more about our relationship with ourselves.
One of the pearls you offer Sandra is when you recognize that how you where feeling felt horrible. This is a significant moment when recognizing the difference between the feeling of loneliness and what else comes with that feeling, to a moment when we simple say to ourselves as an observer ‘this feels yuk’. To me this is the point I know that I can choose to respond rather than be in reaction to what I think is happening. When I recognize something feels wrong I then assuredly know what does feel loving and supportive so my next moment is one I can choose what does confirm me. Then as your experience explains things around me feel different and reflect back to me differently however the change came from with-in by the choices I made.
It all comes down to whether we have separated from our gorgeous inner essence. When we have lost our inner connection….all is lost and we are open to misinterpreting any situation.
“There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others.” This is so true Sandra, when we just let go and allow our love out, it is very natural and others are naturally drawn to us by our love and everything just flows between you.
Every single person makes up a piece of one gigantic human puzzle.
I love this expansive and inclusive view on life… leaving no one behind, accepting every unique expression, we are all integral and essential.
This blog is very revealing in the sense of how we all can withdraw from life in order to protect us from potential hurt and rejection. Especially when we think we will be judged for not being right in different life situations.
I know the ‘hide and seek’ game very well Sandra having played it most of my life. What I have found is the more acceptance and appreciation I have of what I bring to the world, the less room there is for this little game. For when we feel our essence all we want to do is shine.
It is true that it all comes back to the relationship and connection we have with ourselves. It is not so much about our outward expression, like talking much or laughing much. It is about honouring our own expression. I know if I am not connected I can feel very uncomfortable not saying anything because I can feel I am not myself, yet when I am connected to myself I know it is ok to not say anything as everything is said by my connection to myself.
You offer a very clear, simple yet very practical example for us all Sandra of what it is like to not seek perfectionism and hence not ‘beat ourselves up’ for getting it all wrong so to speak. We may slip into patterns or ways of being that we know are not true but learning from them is the wise most loving approach we could ever take to these situations.
Hiding away and not letting others see our true light sets up a barrier that others interpret as arraogance, coldness, judgment, and superiority. I experienced this big time when I was growing up and could find nothing to say when I was with a group , however many there were., or however well I knew them. It is so true as you say Sandra, that it stems from completly making it all about ourselves. That is so insidious, it encourages more to go deeper into the pit of pretence and defence. It has to be about choice, the choice you took to recognise what is going on and step out of the mould, connect to that beautiful essence, and risk showing the beautiful fragility you feel.
Thank you for this honest sharing. I know those times of old patterns and it is amazing that you are aware that those are nothing else than patterns but it is not who you truly are. This is a big step and to have this marker in the body will never let you stay a long time in those patterns.
“The wanting to be liked by others, or the desire to feel special, comes from a lack of love for myself, and this also is a choice.” I know this well. Choosing to appreciate myself is one of the greatest medicines I have ever taken and take consistently.
I agree Jonathan, appreciation of myself is something that I am FINALLY allowing myself. No more room for dismissive thoughts, or judgement of myself as this is just self-defeating and leaves one miserable, and there is no room for misery when one is in love with oneself, is there not!
“This is what I called ‘being shy’ in the old days, but now I see that it felt horrible because I was refusing to shine, I was hiding away, not wanting to be seen, and I was also making it ‘all about me.’”
I love what you mention here about being ‘shy’ I have never considered that in fact by labelling this behaviour we not taking responsibility for our part in it.
To see you coming up and shining through – Bringing your power to the table (we are all sitting on), is such a beauty Sandra Henden! Thank you.
Time and time again I come up against these challenging situations that make me think I am flawed, or broken in some way. There often follows a downward spiral of thoughts that seem to pull up all manner of memories to prove the fact that I have failed yet again. And it has been with absolute consistency that every time I do this, the teachings of Serge Benhayon are what bring me back and out of my shell once again, returning love to the situation by choosing to move my body in a different way that will generate the thoughts or intentions that are actually required for everyone present there.
I love what you share here Shami. I have got caught in the downward spiral too at times, and when this happens there can be a danger of wallowing, believing that there is no where to go except further down the spiral culminating in that all too familiar feeling of failure. But we are not flawed or broken, we have just stumbled, and like Serge Benhayon presents, all we have to do is connect to our body and change our movements with the intention of coming back to love, coming back to ourselves, it really is that simple.
“…Life cannot be lived in isolation from each other…” This is indeed true in many ways, as it is also saying that one can not live disconnected with themselves either… The fact that it took another person to break down that guard and help you come back to yourself says it all!
Just the other day, I found myself feeling a bit off, not quite right in how I was feeling and moving so I stopped and asked myself what was going on and realised I had slipped into an old pattern. Just being able to be honest and aware of it, rather than pretending everything was fine. It took a little while to shake myself out of it, and in the end it was connecting back to my truth in expression that brought me back to myself and the old pattern simply fell away.
How beautiful that you observed that you felt lonely, that you were so clear to ask yourself these questions (that also came from observation and curiosity) and were brave and honest enough to answer them to yourself. How gorgeous is this. This to me is allready a testimony of the connection you’ve build over the years. Just like you, so many lose the connection at times and instead of just observing what is happening, we actually fight the fact that we don’t feel the connection. Which is feeding the separation, isn’t it. How beautiful that you’ve allowed others in to connect back to you again! Very inspirational and allowing (support!).
Life is about everyone – never can we truly live life if we withdraw and isolate ourselves from others.
It is inherent in us to be one with all and to be in brotherhood with others.
Yes Deborah it is unnatural for us to be isolated, that’s why when we are it hurts to the core.
I am absolutely sure we all can say “Oops I Did It Again…” now and then. The question is: what do I do then? If going into guilt makes it worse – to learn out of it is the only and best way to deal with it. And that does not mean to get totally rid of it, as it is in most cases the mechanism we use to security ourselves when challenged. And challenges we will get again and again in life. So important it is to observe and be honest with ourselves when ‘we did it again’, so important it is as well to have an eye on how much we changed and to appreciate our development, our willingness to discover and bring a change. To open up for a greater understating is such a treasure! Celebrate it.
There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is so true Sandra, and at times I underestimate and under value me being in connection with myself and what affect that has on everyone, and that, that is all that is needed. Thanks for the timely reminder.
I am also finding that the more I stop hiding, the easier it becomes to feel when I try and slip back into the comfort of not being seen and the old bad habits. Why do we put so much energy in to being something less!
I have asked myself this question many times, accepting ourselves less just doesn’t make sense, considering the grandness of who we truly are. Maybe we are afraid of our own grandness and the responsibility that comes with it, and what we are doing, little by little, is dipping our toe in the water and allowing ourselves to feel our grandness, then retracting back into our shells when it feels too much… yet if we allowed ourselves to feel it in full, we would probably laugh at ourselves and wonder why it had taken us so long to take that step.
“There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this.” If we are not connected to ourselves first, can any connection to another be true? For if we are not connected to ourselves what, or who, is connecting to the other?
And I love your title ‘Oops I Did It Again’ – it immediately brings lightness and a sense of fun to any issue we think we are having.
You are perfectly right in calling out shyness for what it really is – a self-imposed, uncomfortable and very lonely game. Bravo for tackling the ‘bull’ by the horns.
“What I learnt from this is that it is okay to be yourself. We are all unique in our expression, and by comparing ourselves to others we are giving ourselves away and not honouring ourselves in full as equal human beings.” – beautifully true Sandra, and i might add – as i’ve learned, acceptance is the biggest portion [and beauty] in ditching the plague of comparison.
These are great reflections Sandra and a wonderful way to allow us to connect again:
“Life is not just about me.
Life cannot be lived in isolation from each other.
Life reflects back to me where I am and I can’t blame others for my feeling lonely.
It is a choice to withdraw.”
And the wonderful thing is we can choose any moment any second anew!
And to also acknowledge that I am not that withdrawn person standing in the background at all, as I know myself to be very different when I am around people I know and feel ‘safe’ with. So to not bring this sparkling shining part of me to others that I may not know so well yet, is a withholding and it hurts me and others too. No more of that either now 🙂
I can relate also to this ‘shy -standing in the background’ behaviour as I used to do that too, and more often than not would eventually just leave. The beautiful celebrations with Universal Medicine have helped me too to not do that any longer, but to show myself in connection with me and feeling therefor the connection with the others too. I have learnt how awesome it is to just engage with others and enjoy the company, the movement, the conversation, the laughter, even though I may not know the person or people yet.
I love this Sandra – ” I have learned through the teachings of The Ageless Wisdom presented by Universal Medicine, that we are all equal in the eyes of God, so it doesn’t make sense to judge another or compare as we are on this path together – the path of return to who we truly are.” When stated so clearly like this – why would we want to compare or compete against each other??
You made an amazing point Sandra, when we make it all about us, there is the void where what is not love will enter to fill making us feel horrible. When we choose love, there is always joy.
This is so true Sandra – “There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others.” How can we possibly feel a connection with others when we don’t feel it to ourselves? Connecting to ourselves first makes it so easy then to feel the connection with others and life becomes so much more enriched.
When we become aware of a less than ideal behaviour of ours, there is an awkward time when we become more and more aware of that behaviour until we have dealt with all aspects and then the awkwardness in my experience tends to go.
As I ate lunch with friends yesterday, I was aware, at one point, of not being a part of the conversation. Sometimes I can find myself feeling left out in these situations, taking me back to the playground at school where it was very common to be actively excluded from groups. As you share, Sandra, the key is to feel the connection with myself first, this is then felt by others and I know I am a part of the group, even if I’m not talking.
Sandra, I love the awareness you bring to what is actually going on when we choose to withdraw. Not only are we choosing to be less, to dull our sparkle, but we are also drawing attention to ourselves in a rather sullen, stand off’ish way, which is quite controlling. We are not choosing to participate as an equal, we are holding ourselves as separate, which is why it feels so awful. The gorgeous thing is, as easy as it is to withdraw, it’s equally easy to re-connect and choose to be with everyone again, starting with our selves.
The ‘oops’ in life are just that… a moment to learn from, and to move on with the understanding that choice.
Gorgeous Sandra, the power of connection is immeasurable, it holds the key to great change for humanity.
Connection with ourselves is everything. The moment we step away from our connection with God we are also stepping away from people and the potential that is there in every connection.
As soon as we go into trying, we’ve lost it… Our connection that is. Essentially, by trying, we are saying that we are not that already, that we are not everything already and there is actually nothing to do but to get out of the way and let the connection be there.
‘Life reflects back to me where I am and I can’t blame others for my feeling lonely’ taking responsibility for how we feel is key to breaking the cycle of choosing to retreat into ourselves. It is never about other people but the way we are with ourselves and as you observed once clocked it is simple to connect back and then the world gets to experience our awesomeness and that is what is reflected back to us.
This Assembly sounds transformational Vicky, how awesome that you are able to translate this through your developing relationship with yourself, speaking from a lived experienced are the words that stay with you.
“There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this.” Often i feel waves of guilt about the lack of connection i have had with my children, you have reminded me once again Sandra that this is 100% my responsibility for it is the dullness that I am choosing for myself that impacts our relationships.
Yes, Sandra. How easy it is for us to turn a beautiful gathering into a painful nightmare!? I also used to observe others in groups, compare, feel lesser, and withdraw into myself. As you say, by making the situation all about self we can feel isolated and lonely even when there is a room full of gorgeous people to connect with – crazy!
Wow Sandra I love your openness and honesty! Thank you so much for not shying away and letting us be part of your awesome insight. “There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others.”
‘Life is not just about me…’ This is such an important understanding offered here. We would never think the ‘shy’ person is making life about him or herself but Sandra’s sharing and insights turn that notion on its head. It reminds me of a similar, ‘180-degree’ turnaround game-changing concept – that victims of bullying too have a part to play in the overall bullying scenario. We are all responsible!
“…a beautiful woman came up behind me and put her arm around me. We walked around like this for a while and I started to feel myself coming back to me…” Your blog beautifully demonstrates how we can’t live life in retreat or isolation, with ourselves or with others, and that we are meant to live in brotherhood.
I love the way you write Sandra you express so well the pickle we can get ourselves in when we don’t connect with ourselves and appreciate ourselves. Beautiful blog thank you.
We can be stuck in something for a long time and feel that it is massive to get ourselves out of it yet it can be just making different movements in each moment and this lays the foundation for a new way of being.
It takes deep acceptance to learn to be able to show your true self to the world without fear of reprisal. And so the key to true expression is just that – acceptance, acceptance, acceptance. And what you learning to accept? That you are magnificent, of course.
Indeed Adam, accepting that the magnificence is all there already.
Now I’ve seen myself playing the game of loneliness, I’ve also found the choice to be within my heart and feel how lovely I am, how lovely my house and garden are, how much I appreciate people who are in my world, how much I actually love working and love my job. Playing the loneliness game is the perfect game to not feel part of the whole. It’s a choice to play victim. I’m celebrating how far I’ve come and how much gratitude I owe towards Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and the meticulous guidance from those around me that support me 24/7. I know it, even though I’m not consciously aware of it (most of the time).
A beautiful and powerful message for us all to be aware of if we are willing – that when we welcome the truth we say ‘yes’ to being more of who we are, we welcome being all of ourselves in the world. As when we say ‘yes’ to truth, what is not true becomes evident, and we are able to address movements and behaviours that do not belong and let them go, allowing more of who we are to naturally emanate forth.
This is a beautiful and honest sharing Sandra, which I can very much relate to! To choose to connect and be the true me and allow myself to shine my amazingness and light and be seen in that is not always my choice either, sometimes I shy away from that and find myself in the same position as you describe above and then all sorts of things come in like comparison, jealousy, loneliness etc. It is crazy, why would I choose this over celebrating myself in my glory? It doesn’t make sense.
Whenever I have made life about me, and separated from others it has felt horrible but is something I have done over and over again and in that I have missed out on so much love and joy. When I do make it about all of us, the experience is so much more than I could have ever expected. I am learning to make it about US instead of I.
It’s so easy to withdraw in situations like this, and we can indulge in it and choose to become more and more miserable. It just takes one moment of opening to someone and connecting and everything changes. We just need to get ourselves out of the way.
Simplicity and truth Sandra an amazing learning sharing and knowing that ” Through the support of others, I had come back to the connection with myself, where no one is ever alone. Beautiful bringing so much understanding to our behaviours and projections and the honesty from there.
I’ve realised no matter how much easier I used to think it was to live ‘my own life’, that actually, “Life cannot be lived in isolation from each other”. It’s my ongoing thing to watch out for all the little tricks to hold myself back, dismiss and resist – as connection really is what makes the world go round.
It is awesome Sandra how you have discovered an ingrained pattern of behaviour that you were doing but you did not go into self judgement or self criticism about it but simply were honest about what was going on and made a choice to change it. This is so important in my opinion if we want to make real lasting changes about our life.
I had never considered that I have hidden away because I do not feel like I belong or am as same as others, but it makes sense that holding back our unique expression for fear of rejection is not the answer either.
Often as children we hear our parents say things like ‘She’s shy’ or’ He’s too shy to join in’, as if making excuses for the quiet withdrawn ones, which then becomes something we identify ourselves with. I used to hear that a lot when I was younger but even when it was said I knew it was not true and that there was a choice being made to be anti-social.
This is a good point Julie, we are so quick in judging and labelling people and then we adopt that label thinking this is a particular characteristic that defines us and we start to identify with it and walk around in life thinking that this character is us, when it couldn’t be further from it.
Great blog Sandra, I am sure I am not alone in saying that I can relate to a lot of what you have shared. That my way of not being in the fullness of who I am, expressing from a place of confidence and not retreating from life, but being fully in it. Was to isolate also, not commit fully to life, work and relationships. It is a very different story now, but loved reading how you were able to stop and deeply feel the pattern as it came up in order to change and make other choices.
I liked the bit in this blog where you spoke about the woman who came and put her arm around you and walked with you for a while. It reminded me to be more aware of what is going on around me and reading whether there are others that might need support.
I love and greatly respect the honesty with which you claim that it was “all about me.” If we are able to step away from self then we get to see that so many of our ‘issues’ are totally illusionary and that we attach to them purely to feed the self.
I notice that I too tend to withdraw when I compare myself to others. As soon as I go into comparison, I have lost myself and the appreciation that I may otherwise have of myself. I am clocking this more regularly – to give comparison airtime is setting myself up for falling, so now I simply commit to reconnecting back to me and refocus on my unique expression.
Feels really claimed and therefore inspiring. Thank you for sharing your wisdom here.
Thank you Sandra. When I read your blog I am reminded that we actually create our own issues… and then, when we connect to who we are we can let them go.
It’s easy to fall back into old patterns of behavior but, as you have shared Sandra, if we clock it is our choice to move in a way that is honouring of our “..own unique form of expression.”
It great when we catch ourselves in these behaviours, because we get an opportunity to change and make a difference choice.
I love your words: “There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others”.
It is not ‘all about us’ but it starts with us, our connection and relationship with our-self first.
Thank you for your openness and honesty Sandra, it’s inspiring to feel the understanding that you bring to your own situation and so much healing is possible when we bring these qualities.
Beautiful Sandra, I agree it is definitely OK to be ourselves and when we choose to be who we are, we inspire others to be this way too. What a joy to be among so many people who are in celebration and expressing who they are, so naturally and with such ease.
When we connect with ourselves, it is deeply natural to to connect with others, but this connection needs nothing back, it is not looking for a response or an expectation, but purely an expression of our natural self. When I see someone shining and amazing, I love to go deeper in appreciation of my unique expression, and the intimacy of this expression allows me to deeply appreciate what another brings without comparison. When this intimacy is built, there is understanding and no reaction or judgment when another compares and/or imitates what they see in us, therefore, It is the expression of all of me that will recognize and appreciate the expression of all of you—if I were on the dance floor with you Sandra, your open and joyful sparkle will be calling me 🙂
What you explain here means there is actually another way to understand the condition of ‘being shy’. We could typically say shyness is the result of lack of self confidence, you’ve illustrated that re-connection to our essence brings back the confidence in oneself. Shyness is therefore a disconnection from our inner essence… so it is connection we need to overcome shyness rather than any techniques to become more confident.
Lack of connection with ourselves can show up in either being introverted or extroverted I find. We are loveliest when we a being ourselves and we all have our unique expressions. Something I truly appreciate, for we all reflect something for each other.
Yes, when we are connected with ourselves every one is in ..love it. It is our expectation that we should be different somehow that lets in those separative thoughts. “There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this.” Thanks Sandra
Since I first read this the other day I having been observing quite a few “Oops I done it again” moments, more than I expected: but what a great reminder when you find yourself in these moments that there always is another choice in the very next moment.
Although people close to me would never describe me as shy, I do have my moments. They are usually at events that are a little stuffier than a Retreat party, that this shyness comes out or better described I retract inward. It’s usually a business/political dinner, all the middle age people in suits start to look the same, I forget everyone’s name and I find the speeches hard to focus on as I do not know many people. I attention starts to drift to my phone and I disengage from everyone around me. I am sharing this because we all are different; I would prefer to have have to sing a song on I didn’t know, on the stage, on the spot in front of 300 people than sit through some of these other events. What I got from this blog is that it is about my connection to myself, if I can’t see others and how amazing they are, its because I do not feel amazing at that point, reconnect and you can have fun anywhere.
I love this title Sandra – no room for self bashing there and simply space to consider there might be a different way to be.
Your bio made me smile Sandra…. “My aim in life – to fall in love with myself all over again.” How gorgeous! Life truly is all about Love.
I can so relate to this whole ‘shyness’ game too Sandra… it can start out as hiding hurts when we are young to all manner of reasons laid on top of that as we get older. For whatever reasons, ironically the person it hurts the most is us!
To come to understand that we all matter, and matter greatly, that each single one of us plays a part in the symphony of the whole is so very important and that no one is better, grander or more important but that we are all equal parts of the whole.
Thanks for sharing Sandra, I know this scenario well and what I used to do was feel that it was everyone else’s fault and that they were leaving me out but what I discovered was it was me all along and it was me that was holding them out and not wanting to open myself up and be with them. Glad I don’t do that any more, although maybe once in a while it may come up but I am aware of it, so it is not something that grabs me and I get stuck in, more like something that is a passing thought and then I catch it and let it go.
I always find it useful to use animals as an inspiration and nature, you would never get a bee or a bunny or a kangaroo wishing to be like each other, they just have no comparison issues! But we are masters of indulging in this rather than really knowing we are loved equally, that no-one is special and yet we are all amazing. Accepting this is one of the keys!
We seem to repeat these ingrained patterns time and time again until we allow our self to move in a different way consistently which debases the old energetic imprint and replaces it with a new one.
‘..now I see that it felt horrible because I was refusing to shine, I was hiding away, not wanting to be seen, and I was also making it ‘all about me.’ – A great point Sandra, true change can happen when we are open to get a true understanding of the games we are playing and the consequenses of it.
Thanks for writing this Sandra, it almost leaves me with no excuses for being shy again as with what I have learned over the years, I don’t really have an excuse for not being connected to myself and if I am truly connected to me there would be no room for the dreaded shyness.
Very true Sandra, what’s even more painful is the disconnection we create by withdrawing. We are not only disconnecting with people, but by withdrawing we also disconnect from ourselves.
How often do we hear people say that they are shy when really they ought to be saying that they want to hide away. I used to be convinced that I was shy but the more I have come to love and value myself the more obvious it is that I am not shy at all.
I like the way you have really dug deep and shared this issue, as well as the wisdom and understanding you brought to the situation.
Our patterns play out over and over again unless we actively choose to look at them, take responsibility and then take the movements towards healing them by making different choices. It is beautiful to read that you made that choice Sandra.
The more gentleness and love we allow in our lives the more awareness we have to learn about human behaviours.
Thank you Sandra for this beautiful, honest and inspiring blog. We miss out on so much when we choose to hold ourselves back. This is a very common game we play and we always have the choice to choose to be open, playful and express who we are or not. What you’ve shared shows us that there is not much joy in choosing to hide or hold ourselves back from shining, it can result in us feeling sad, separate etc.. It is so awesome you chose to connect to your essence Sandra and share who you are with the people around you. Sounds like you had a great celebration and this is the best celebration of all, it is when we choose to express who we are.
We miss out yet how often do we clock that others are missing out just as much. It is so easy to sit in our own self doubt but the delay stops others from feeling the quality that is on offer when we bring the all.
It was so lovely to read your gorgeous blog – and to connect to the times when I have isolated myself when in a crowd. The first time I realised this choice was in the Women’s Group, when everyone else was chatting and I realised that I had become totally disconnected. As I began to connect I felt that it was okay to be with me and appreciate all that I bring. When we share these feelings with another we realise that we are not alone – but as you said just feeling lonely and missing ourselves.
Whenever I feel shy or anxious it’s so obvious that my mind is running the show; crazy thoughts about ‘what if’ this and ‘what if’ that can come through, so I’ve found the only way to change it is to come out of my head and focus on walking, writing, swimming and other movements that changes what I’m giving attention to.
I agree, Sandra, we cannot live in isolation. I have recently been sharing a house with friends after living on my own for seven years and I have learned so much from the constant reflections offered each day. It depends on our willingness to be open and more than anything our appreciation for each other. Living in judgment depletes, living in appreciation inspires.
It is good that you have learnt to clock the moment when you have withdrawn Sandra, and have recognised that this is a choice and an old pattern playing out. I am sure this happens to many people who then go on to avoid these types of social interactions because it brings up the jealousy and comparison beliefs they hold onto.
‘Oppa I did it again”‘ I know that one Sandra and I am learning that bashing myself is not the answer but total honesty is, as it exposes the real reason I do something and then I am less likely to do it again
Sandra, I can so relate to what you have written here, this could have been written by me. It feels deeply supportive to read this, so thank you for being so open and honest, being ‘shy’ and withdrawing have been very painful experiences for me in my life and it has always been me comparing myself to others, holding myself as less rather than appreciating myself and what I bring to the world.
Facing the truth and welcoming it is such a powerful foundation from which to make changes. It is so empowering for as you say, Sandra, by doing so, “I saw I was not a victim but I had the simple choice to change, and that choice could be made in a moment.”
Thank you Sandra and what a powerful shift this is to make, not only in recognising that you were choosing to withdraw, but that the way to reconnect was an inner decision first, but one supported by other people connecting to you, without agenda.
Oops, is a great cornerstone in our foundation for self-evolution! Without mistakes how do we know we have become lost?
It is our connection with ourselves that others connect to – When we consider that our life is made up of relationships, all different kinds of ones and that the quality of these relationships are determined to how your relationship with yourself is you can’t help but appreciate that this is a key relationship to have. One that I have started to discover has the depth and power of the Universe.
Great that you have written this blog Sandra about the tricky subject of comparison. I find it is so easy to go into this when I am not connected to and appreciating my own essence, so developing markers of how great it feels to be me in my own body is really key to knocking this out.
This really shows how we can try to do it alone, like the whole world often is trying and also encouraging (we have to excel at work, study school most in competition with others). In truth though we only come somewhere if we work together with others and let others support us, it is not a weakness if you need support it is natural for us to evolve together.
“…Life reflects back to me where I am and I can’t blame others for my feeling lonely…” A great realisation and tip here suggesting that we are all responsible for our own sense of well being.
Appreciating ourselves and our expression supports us to realise how needed it is for others.
Well said Kylie – which makes sense to what Sandra was saying, how we make it about self when we shy away. How selfish it is to squash the light and unique expression each and everyone of us brings.
Sandra I can really relate to what you’ve shared. It’s so funny because I think I’m the only one who’s having these feelings but actually they are so common because so many of us see the beauty in another but not take the time to appreciate it in ourselves. It always amazes me people cannot see their own beauty when they are clearly awesome. This just goes to show how we often hide our own beauty from ourselves and how all the negative beliefs are just lies we just choose to listen to.
Having the blinkers on oneself first, allows the sight or vision to see ourselves and in this appreciate what’s right there before us … before we see what is before another – this time with mutual-joy over envy.
It is interesting how I find myself at a party when everyone is singing or dancing and i prefer to stand on the edges – when my whole body actually wants to join in . But when I sit with this, I can see how I am the only one holding me back, and I have no excuse for hiding away, except that I know it keeps me separate.
It’s great to read this blog and let that be exposed for myself as it is something that I am sure many of us can relate too but simply shows us living from the head and not the body.
Thank you for sharing this Sandra, it is a great reminder that changing our patterns takes a bit of time and that it is most important to be super loving with ourselves and through simply observing much is revealed to us.
We may ask where or when comparison comes into our life as without we couldn´t feel less than another and no judgment on who we are would be possible. One aspect that leads to comparison might be the lack of connection and confirmation we experienced when still being ourselves and thus we start to seek any form of connection possible even when this means to abandon one´s true self. In this moment we begin to look outside ourselves to figure out of how to be, who to be… and so comparison comes into play. Interesting enough when we then experience true connection it allows us to come back to ourselves and let go of comparison.
I have been observing shy people, including my patterns for a while now. There is usually a whole package of behaviours and energy that goes with it. There is the energy of being less, being a victim, an air of mistrust and often niceness. I have realised how manipulative this behaviour is, as it changes the way people treat you. It is a passive way to make people back off and leave you alone. None of these behaviours are true and acting this way keeps us from feeling the brotherhood, equality and playfulness we naturally are inside.
These are great points that you make Fiona. Shyness is a behaviour and while it may be quieter than those of let’s say a bully or someone being quite overt and dominant it is no different. It’s great to see these behaviours and the energy and intention behind them.
I could relate to the pattern of shyness and withdrawing in social situations. I feel you are spot on that part of it is due to a lack of appreciation for the unique qualities I have and comparing to others who seem to have more to offer in a social situation. I can also see what a game it is to hold back and not let everyone see all of me. Just knowing you are choosing this instead of feeling ‘that’s just who I am’ is a great start to a new truer way of being.
How amazing and powerful are all, aren’t we. I can be completely in my own world, the moment I am aligning to somebody, I feel completely different. What I am learning now is to be the love that I am, also when I’m on my own. By feeling myself in every moment and go back to my body, even when it’s unpleasant or the tension is telling me to check out. It is still work in progress.
Sometimes the belief that we are less is the one that always comes in first and seems to be something that ‘all’ are challenged by. This is striking me more and more in my observations of others and of myself, it appears to be so ingrained. Clocking and taking action the moment we realise an old pattern is being played out allows for the opposite to be reflected back to us. We have a responsibility to bring all of who we are to every movement – activity, thought, word. It is super simple really, as you have shown Sandra, just by clocking the old behaviour you allowed space for change and this unfolded so beautifully with someone approaching you and walking with you out of the old pattern of withdrawal and into ‘connection’.
Hide and seek is a familiar game of choice, the one when I really want to up the anti I might go and eat worms (to quote an old childhood rhyme). It still happens in very subtle ways and I agree Sandra the choice of connection back to me is the foundation. With this even when on my own in a room full of people I’m never alone.
I love this Sandra and equally your honesty. You have hit a nail on the head and I’m sure many people including myself can relate to this. Trying to fit in, comparing ourselves to others, or having an idea of how we should be or want to be only causes us to separate or in many cases further separate. Appreciating ourselves is an antidote to this.
This is a great reminder that together being open and truly loving with each other we can be offered the support to heal and deal with our hurts. On our own it can be far to easy to stay in the hurt as this can seem the most comfortable position to take but it is always a choice.
We are all naturally very play-full beings but when we make the choice to hold back our light and our love, we end up playing a very different game that has no warmth nor connection but only separation and comparison. I had never looked at shyness as a ‘refusal to shine’ but this makes complete sense. We keep ourselves dulled and somewhat dimmed so as not to be the beacon of light we were otherwise designed to be, here on this plane of life. Re-connecting with our true self is re-connecting with everyone else also for there are in-truth no walls between us lest the ones we erect to keep us separate. We are never alone when we let love back in and thus let our love back out. This two-way exchange is our natural unencumbered breath. It is quite literally our saving grace.
I find there are a great many ways we choose to be less than love, express less than truth, live in less than harmony but if we slowly increasing our awareness of each of these occasions, we slowly have an ever-increasing choice and, over time, we can then choose to be love more often, express truth and live in more and more harmony.
Being shy is a form of hiding – it comes from not feeling safe to let yourself be who you are. But it can also become a habit like you have mentioned here Sandra, and then we use it even when we are not necessarily feeling unsafe, but as an excuse to not shine out light. Playing shy as a kid is also common, and I recall doing that if I was around people that I did not feel safe around – I would hide behind my mum’s legs and look away. It did not happen often, but more likely did around very strong and overpowering personalities. I suppose it is good for me to reflect on how much this might still be playing out for me today – I may not hide behind someone’s legs, but how much do I hold back in expression if and when I am around someone with whom I may not feel so safe with?
It funny how we can resort to type so to speak, when faced with situations we are not normally comfortable with we can fall back on patterns of behaviour we have in the past felt protect us. But do these behaviours really protect or do they in fact just hold us away from actually learning and growing and connecting with people.
Very wise words – it is our connection to ourselves first and foremost that enables us to connect to others and to receive life free of projections, ideals and pictures of how we and others should be.
There is an ease and a deep settlement in being ‘us’,
I used to get around that feeling of shyness by drinking heavily but even then sometimes it wouldn’t leave me, so now its great to have someone open up and explore the very subject that many of us experience but wrongly write it off as it just a part of being who we are. You touched on many good points Sandra but the best one is the connection to self. When we have this true connection it solves many an issue or problem.
Babies do not come into this world comparing themselves to others, telling themselves they are less than someone else and holding back their expression! This is a behaviour we learn and choose to adopt. It is a real blessing when we realise all of it is nothing but a self-created reality and can start unravelling our way out of it and returning to our true glorious expression.
Absolutely Golnaz, babies can teach us a lot of how to live, they don’t hold back expressing what they feel and want, they really engage with every part of their being. Being looked at by a baby is to be truly seen!
Beautiful to expose our games, and how we hold ourselves back, and in that exposing be gentle and understanding with ourselves. I spent most of my life shy, teacher, family, friends called me shy and I thought I was shy. I could have stayed like that for life, but I have chosen to make some steps to change. I could feel words bubble up in my body and sometimes they just would not come out, because I would not risk being seen, attacked… It has been an interesting path to walk, learning to speak up, to hold myself fuller, so that I am seen and known. I could feel that what I called shy was a withholding of myself and I have make steps to choose otherwise. Always more to learn and embody, but what a joy to appreciate connection with others and our true expression.
There is so much that we can offer others when we stop hiding our true potential. There doesn’t always have to be a social event for this to occur.
Wow, what an awesome piece of wisdom “never should we try to connect with others, it is our connection with ourselves that is felt by others” beautiful
Shyness is simply a contraction away from ourselves and our light… and a lack of appreciation of how gorgeous we really are.
Very well said Victoria, I absolutely agree. I have observed shyness in many people and sometimes they may come across as being rude but when we are willing to understand what is going on for them, then we are less likely to take their shyness personally and less likely to have judgmental thoughts
The description of the beautiful woman gently putting her arm around you and walking with you was very touching. How lovely to identify something not quite right in another and offer a gesture of love and support.
This is something I need to learn to say when I stuff up and make a mistake ‘ Oops I Did It Again…’ instead of negative thinking and beating myself up as many of us do. Way much more light hearted and loving than self destruction.
It is so much more supportive to be gentle and loving towards ourselves when we realise an ‘Oops’ moment or situation. We are more able to learn from these moments and they become a blessing and opportunity to evolve.
Thanks, Sandra. You speak on behalf of many, who are learning to love and cherish ourselves so that we no longer compare with others or constantly trying to be something that is not who we naturally and gloriously are.
Very true Janet, there is no fulfillment in comparison. Through comparison we instantly separate from all that we magnificently are within that is there to be shared, and as such we are reduced to believe that we are less than all that we actually in-truth and in-love are.
I love your honesty here Sandra and recognise it as something I have also done for much of my life. But who does this kind of game benefit? Certainly not us who are playing it, and everyone else gets to miss out on the gorgeousness that we are. I am coming to realise that this so called ‘shyness’ is simply an excuse to hide away and not be responsible for who we truly are. Thank you for exposing this.
How lovely Sandra that you are not hiding yourself away anymore, as by letting yourself out in full and letting other people in we all get the blessing of the essence of who you truly are.
‘There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others.’ This is so true – we think we have to speak or touch others to feel connected and yet we are already connected, it is only our thoughts that separate us, when we feel, it is there.
Sandra reading your sharing brought a tear to my eye, as I have many times been in that same position where I was the shy girl from way back, again! I love the way you remind us that we are all responsible for how we feel and what we allow ourselves to step back into at times. How beautiful that you were strong enough and sure enough to know who you are and give yourself credit for that, we are all love and that was mirrored to you by the support you received from the other Universal Medicine Students. A truly inspirational sharing!
What you share here Sandra just goes to show how powerful the connection to other people is and that if we feel withdrawn from life to go out and do the opposite – connect to someone.
I was painfully shy from early childhood and stuttered – a great combination for social interaction! So great to have met Serge Benhayon who showed me the love, power, presence and simplicity of living who I truly am.
Well said Sandra – it is funny how we so badly want to fit in we morph ourselves into someone we do not like and other people do not really like either. Yet when we are truly ourselves without any reservation then people feel the love we are and usually come to us. Of course some may not. But the point is it does not matter because the more we live the light that we are the more content we feel within ourselves and so whatever happens does not matter, atleast that has been my experience. And then when we choose to feel hurt or cut off from ourselves and others suddenly it can feel like the whole world is against us – which shows it is purely a choice.
Awesome sharing Sandra and such an easy pattern and behaviour to slip into – comparison is such a work of destruction. Appreciation is one that I continue to build and open up to and allowing myself to feel how incredible I actually am is very beautiful. As we continue on our road to return and keep being pulled to old ways as you say call it out and give ourselves grace is key. Thank you.
Whether we withdraw, contract or choose to be over boisterous in finding a way to be with others we are denying ourselves the ability to connect first to ourselves and then with others in a true way.
Sandra, this article is so helpful, I love how you clearly explain this, ‘The wanting to be liked by others, or the desire to feel special, comes from a lack of love for myself’, I have noticed that the more I accept and adore myself the less I withdraw and the more I feel equal to others.
‘We are all equal in the eyes of God’ and yet we so often do not see ourselves or others this way. I can be one to easily let negative thoughts take over as I hold judgements of myself and therefore judgements of others. This line is a lovely reminder to look at ourselves and others from God’s eyes.
Ahhh holding back feels so awful, yet we all do it at times. You nailed it when you said that we hold back when we make it about ourselves, it’s so true that when you make it about people all that shyness and inhibition disappears, it’s all a matter of what we hold most important and dear to us in that moment.
What a humbling observation Susan! Until we get ourselves with our hurts out of the way we are stumbling in the darkness!
The power nomination as to how we are feeling and where we are at offers us to make a different choice. As I become more familiar with the ‘real’ me the feeling of separation can stand out like a sore thumb. Being honest with myself without going into my head is the game changer.
Choosing to retreat into our shell – I know this one well. Yet when I choose this I am consciously reducing myself and making it all about me. Staying open and being interested in others allows me to stay part of the whole and less ‘ me, me.’
Separating our self from others is so selfish as then they do not get our unique reflection.
I don’t think its healthy nor were we designed to be on our own, thanks Sandra I can relate to much of this article
I very much appreciate this insight you’ve shared here Sandra: “It is a choice to withdraw.”
How empowering to recognise if not realise this, and no matter how ‘well-worn’ the tendency, explore what it is to step out of the shadows…
This is about so much more than a social celebration. It’s our relationship with life and all.
When we see that others are constantly reflecting to us the lessons that we still need to learn, we can the stop blaming others for how we feel, take responsibility and heal those patterns that keep us being less than who we truly are.
How little we may understand and appreciate what is truly going on for another, when he or she stands on the sidelines often ‘seemingly ok’ – but are they really?
Thank-you for such insight on processes that may be going on within, and your deeply candid sharing here.
Great sharing Sandra, I can relate to what you share about making it about self, as I have done that many times before and this does shut down and make you feel very lonely. Now it’s a lot easier to simply make a choice to come back to my connection with self which open up connection with others.
This is beautiful Sandra, and very recognisable. It is our own barrier that holds us in this pattern and what is needed is just a touch of connection. Making us feel the wonder that we are. It is not about others, it’s our own choice.
What stuck out for me in this blog Sandra was the woman who came and put an arm around you, it is the support we can provide one another that is crucial to life, as we are not here to do things on our own, and the more we open up to others the greater our lives can become. Connections are how we are born to live, never in isolation.
Poignant sharing Sarah about being on one’s own or by one’s self especially at a gathering or public event whether that’s sitting having a lunch on your own, or at a party as you describe. Your words here: “There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others – is totally profound counsel.
This is beautiful honest and reveals so much about how we see ourselves and others and the real connection with ourselves first that is essential loving and makes all the difference. Committing to be fully ourselves through our own appreciation is something we are all learning and opening to up to everyone is beautiful and really changes everything.
I love this Sandra. Thank you for sharing. I have often felt like this too, and it really is simply a choice. It is fantastic that you have shared this as I’m sure many people can also resonate but have not shared the way they feel with others. By talking about it we can move out of it and begin to heal it.
I love this … ‘There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others’ – so by just being our gorgeous selves we are supporting everyone around us to be inspired to do the same.
Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly, Sandra. I know this game of withdrawing very well indeed. It feels terrible and seems to magnify in intensity the longer I stay dis-connected. Whilst it’s something I do far less frequently, I still lapse into this place, where sometimes I almost feel I’m choosing to be there as ‘relief’ in a giving up energy. It’s as though I’ve already decided that I’m not enough, so what is the point in trying. I can feel how very dis-honouring this behaviour is of me, my unique expression and for all those around me. By choosing to be less, I bring everyone else down.
“Through the support of others I had come back to the connection with myself, where no one is alone. There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this.” I understand this feeling of shyness and withdrawing Sandra, as you say it feels horrible. But I realise like you have, that it is simply a choice to withdraw or to shine in our own unique way.
Sandra. This is so brilliant you made me cringe! I can so recognise this game of withdrawing that I also play. It doesn’t have to be a party, but it could be anywhere that I could decide to separate myself from everyone else and it feels horrible, so horrible in fact I have to go into much hardness and be aloof in order to keep it going while telling myself ‘no one understands me’ etc.
“There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this” – this really stood out for me, and exposes another picture I hold of how relationship should look like by fighting my own essence, instead of deeply loving myself first and foremost and allowing that quality to just be felt and shared by others.
Thank you for sharing your experience Sandra. When we can appreciate our own expression and simply be ourselves, we need not put expectations on ourselves that we be different. We know by feeling though when we are holding back and not letting our natural love be, I agree, and we then have a choice.
Just lovely, Sandra. Pretty cool you now can recognise when you’re withdrawing and not being you – such awareness helps us to know our true selves.
Sandra -this is a game I know all to well and it is great you call this out as being all about self. There is such an opportunity to connect with others all of the time, but this game makes me feel like I can be part of the furniture. And yet I am the only one holding myself back. And it is so simple to come back – especially when I am surrounded with people who are open to connecting.
Sandra thank you for sharing something that I’ve experienced many times and not really looked at, why sometimes I shy away, compare and feel horrible when the truth is that is not my natural essence of who I am. How you’ve shared that you came back to you through not trying but simply being with others is a lovely confirmation for how to go about life.
I’ve been guilty of playing this game also. Sitting in the wings, avoiding connection with others and consequently feeling lonely – whilst amongst a sea of people. It’s funny how much we try to sabotage ourselves.
The really, really nice part of ‘oops, I did it again’ is that when we truly feel in full the devastation that arises from that repetition, we are much less likely to do it one more time or to do it at that level one more time. At the next occasion I found it is then important that we know how we don’t want to behave but to be caring with ourselves as we may have no idea how else to behave.
Sandra Henden, why am I glad you express this- simply because this blog is powerful because it exposes the truth of relationship and connection with ourselves and so with others. So the key lies in our heart and choice to be with us – every single day. To deepen our love – the connection to one’s heart (Soul’s light).
Your old pattern is a common one for many I’m sure but your awareness of why and how to overcome it is quite profound. It is beautiful that through the support of another you were reminded of the power of connection to then be able to choose and embrace that within yourself and then others from there in…. this is a truly gorgeous way to heal old ways of being that don’t reflect who we truly are.
Sandra, you have so much to offer through your lived experiences, because how many of us, myself included, can relate to that painful separation where the only thing that exists is shyness and withdrawal from the group. You however, show us that there is more to discover and explore, that that is not all there is.
I appreciate the title of your contribution – Oops, I did it again! – it speaks of a lightness and willingness to move on and away from old patterns that do not serve us but keep us separate, one from another.
It is great to reflect on moments like this and realise that you have a choice. It can be a simple movement that helps get you out of a momentum and offer you the space to change how you normally respond to a situation.
To be able to observe one’s own patterns without judgement is enormous in itself and speaks of a great a deal of self-love and self-care.
Hello Sandra and I love how simple this is. You had a mark or a point that you knew felt like you from attending the retreat. When that mark or point changed you asked why and was open to seeing the pattern that occurred after this. To return back you moved into interacting or having relationships with those around you. Not selecting people but being open to simply the next relationship in front of you. After a short time you felt ‘back’, back to the same feeling you had had prior. This is a simple message about returning to something you are feeling. At times we can all loose our way and at that point we want to retreat deeper into ourselves, when in fact the opposite is true. If you aren’t feeling the best or feeling off don’t hide it or hide yourself, take the next step into the relationship in front of you and don’t make small chat about the weather, be honest with what you are feeling and see how this supports. Sandra a great message and also a road map for anyone that maybe caught or seeing a pattern in their life that no longer fits, thank you.
This is so worth noting Sandra . . . “There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this.” . . . it is but a simple choice.
I can relate very well to choosing loneliness. This is such a strong pattern, simply because I’ve chosen it over and over again. I’ve also found how much I compare myself with others as well as having a lot of ideals and beliefs on how I think, interpret how others want me to be. All great distractions from the responsibility to shine my light and love. Appreciating who I am is indeed something that is the only true medicine for it. Deeply loving and nurturing myself isn’t something that has been reflected to me when I was young. Due to this fact and the choice to leave myself behind, I’ve been lost. Coming back to the loving man I am is something I’m proud of and treasure deeply.
That’s something I have also experienced, that shyness and hiding away from people I used to once think was me actually never was in the first place. I only shy away when I have a hurt that I don’t want to feel as other people can very often highlight that the hurt is not who we are. Either by reflecting the love that I am or presenting the same hurt for me to feel and renounce. When out if I connect with people I very often now come back to myself, as you shared “even if I was dancing on my own, I had that connection to myself and the loneliness had gone.”
Yes indeed, it appears we have forgotten who we truly are, equal Son’s of God, which is so sad, because we could be living with this magnificence right now, so all the more reason to crank up the responsibility, start expressing from the essence of who we truly are (to the best of our ability and without perfection, of course) and appreciate our uniqueness as one facet of the grandness of the whole.
Sandra such a familiar story, I have been haunted by this pattern for a long time, it feels very real, and the thoughts of I don’t fit in, everyone else is having fun and able to keep talking but I’m not good at small talk etc etc the thoughts flood in and down into an isolated heap I go. Realising it’s my relationship with me that I have allowed the separation, so a simple choice to deepen, and appreciate the love I am and with that realising I hold the power within and a responsibility to shine equally, no withdrawing and no withholding my love.
A familiar game Sandra and true when we give ourselves permission to shine in our own unique way, we open up to more, more of who we truly are. This is our connection with ourselves, our body. Hiding makes us small and a playball of who ever wants to play with us, we give our power away for recognition. Your sharing shows there is always support and an amazing strength to come back and make it about the all.
I know what you are talking about and in a way that is funny because when we are in a situation like that we feel like we are the only one feeling ‘out’ and not part of the whole. The point is that we are never not a part of the whole, we only need to choose to feel it and, as you said so beautifully, allow us to feel the unique expression we bring to it.
Dear Sandra, exquisite blog, thank you for taking the time to write it. I know the game you speak of as I have played it myself for many years (possibly lifetimes). It is such a trick of the spirit (that we choose) to withdraw and become isolated when we are designed to be ourselves in full, in our own unique way. Welcome back to the world, keep coming back to us as we need you in this world. As we need all of each other. Good note to self as well. Love, Sarah
“My shyness is not going to magically disappear overnight…” – no but the awareness of it and willingness to see it and change it is very clear Sandra. The first steps have been taken.
This is so relatable for me , Sandra. As soon as comparison and/or jealousy kicks in it eats us up from the inside out and it is so destructive to the relationship with ourselves and others. So much for me to ponder her. Thank you.
I have noticed that in the past when I have withdrawn it seems so awfully hard to come back. In truth it is not that difficult at all and is in fact super simple – it’s just a choice! But the shame or guilt of having separated feels so awful to feel that staying disconnected in separation seems easier. All part of the game we play with ourselves.
Appreciating all the moments of connection in life inspires us to come out of isolation, just as you have shared here.
So very beautiful Sandra, I can really feel the connection you claimed back with yourself in your photo. Thank-you for you sharing.
You’re story reminds me of a party I had. I may have been turning 6 maybe older. At some point I ended up under the table sulking because I wasn’t getting the recognition I was wanting as the birthday girl. Someone else was attracting all of the attention. When we are connected to that spark within, then the seeking of recognition is not needed at all. Having said that Sandra I have recent memories of that very same behaviour. As you say it is our choice to be that way or not.
A beautiful honest sharing, that could well be the way for many other women. It actually so explains the inherent desire we have to belong, fit in, have friends. How many women withdraw from family and friends, all the while craving to connect with others? I know I did, for years. Your experience shows that we were never ment to do it by ourselves. It takes just one person, living with love to provide a space for us to choose the same.
I love what you have shared here, Sandra, as I can relate. I have done shy and also the exact opposite of being the life of the party. One was feeling less and the other was overcompensating because of feeling less, and none of them was being the real and true me. Living small, feeds the lack of self worth. It is a perpetual cycle. One that I am slowly and intricately breaking.
Thanks Sandra, this is a great topic to talk about. I love the line that says withdrawal is a choice. It sure is. We disconnect from ourselves first and then withdraw from others because we feel the disconnect.
Sandra the ‘familiar’ game that you describe is one that we all play……….a lot. The behaviours that we each have are so incredibly familiar to us that it’s a bit like pulling on an old pair of slippers. We slip into these beahaviours and they feel almost cosy in their familiarity, even though they all ultimately bring discomfort. I love the way that you were able to distance yourself from your old behaviour and to then make a difference choice.
Great sharing Sandra. It can be scary to enter a party on your own when all the ‘I am not good enough, will they want me to join them’ records play in our heads but when we know we are amazing just like everyone else in the room and it is not about me as an individual, that changes everything.
Awesome Sandra, and I love what you’ve shared about how we can support others to connect deeper to themselves which can happen through inspiration too when we develop our own relationship with ourselves and then show others what this way of living is like.
Great blog Sandra and so relatable. There can hardly be a person on the planet who has not experienced a time of feeling shy. This reminds me too of how I can play it safe, not express how I am feeling and then feel less as a result. It is ridiculous the justification we can use for not being ourselves in full. Here you have shown how, with support you were able to reconnect to the amazing woman you are, and isn’t that support always there just waiting for us to connect to it ? And could it be because of your openness to more awareness you received the support that night of the Retreat Celebration?
I completely agree that when we are in connection with our essence we are in connection with all as we are all from the one source. This can sound just like words but to experience it as something else altogether 🙂
Maybe we can translate ‘shyness’ into ‘very sensitive and less committed’. Than we could appreciate the sensitivity and celebrate it and then find the tools to deal with what is felt, to be able to commit more. It is so familiar to go for our safety – but we get lost in it because we are made to be with others. True safety is found in the connection to who we truly are, in fact it is found in true religion, which means my relationship with God and my own divinity. This goes ahead with an enormous power and this power we have to take responsibility about. We have it anyway – so what? The role model I play in ‘shyness’ (withdrawing, separation, not taking responsibility) is not as powerful as I am as a divine being. So the question is: what will I like to inspire in? What kind of life do I like to live?
It’s so beautiful when we realise we are not alone with our feelings – that there is always a point where we can come back to ourselves and re-connect to our truth. In the past I have often felt isolated without realising that this was a choice I had made. and that when I connect to myself I will know I am not alone. As you have shared Sandra ‘There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this’ – and appreciating this we can let go and truly be the amazingness that we are.
Underneath the shyness is clearly an exquisite and delicate beauty. Honour the sensitivity, let the feelings deepen and in the holding and celebrating of ourselves we start to clock the quality of our movements, the quality of our breath. It’s easy then to fall in love with ourselves and cherish what we uniquely bring.
Yes, and very beautiful to feel the sensitivity and the honouring of ourselves in this way. Appreciation is an expansive quality.
‘There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others.’ This is so true Sandra and I have played this game with myself on many occasions feeling cut off from others but what I now recognise is that I have actually chosen to cut myself off from me and I can’t fool myself any longer. Here’s to celebrating our unique expression and hiding no more.
Knowing who you truly are makes the old patterns stand out and once aware of them you have reclaimed your power. Thank you Sandra for your openness and honesty and sharing the layers we can move through in order to release the grip these patterns have .
I have come to realise I often feel or have a picture in my head of how I should be, what I should be doing, how I have to be the gregarious out there Gyl, speaking to everyone, when often I feel to not speak. When I allow myself to feel it, it feels super dishonouring to my body, abusive actually. I have come to realise that often when I don’t speak it allows space to feel what’s really going on, for both myself or people.
Oh, how we grow up with pictures of how we ‘think’ we should be Gyl. Acceptance of our uniqueness is the way to go, and not worrying what anyone else thinks either, because they’re probably holding back too, either that or playing the ‘gregarious’ game when they really don’t feel like it on the inside.
I love how you share when we connect to ourselves no one is ever alone. I know this is true for myself and whenever I feel connected to me I automatically feel a beautiful connection to everything and everyone around me.
I can very much relate to this ‘shy’ game – coming up with all the excuses and stories in my head as to why I am not welcome, or inculded or wanted, why I should hold back and as you say it feels awful, to marginalise yourself and be your own worst enemy, pushing yourself to the sidelines and telling yourself thats where you belong. But as you say, when you realise this it makes it clear you are no victim but a product of your own choices, and so the power is in your hands to change it. Sometimes it has felt like an internal battle to over come my own bonds and step out and be seen, to make the steps and join in the conversation or put myself forward, and risk the possibility of rejection because what can be gained is so much greater.
Maybe that’s it Rebecca, we’re all afraid to take those steps because we are afraid of rejection, or being hurt, when the reality is that if we took those steps it would open up the way for more expression and that means more expansion, and voila expansion = evolution.
Sandra, this article is super supportive to read, I have had a very similar pattern, one of withdrawing and thinking I should be more like others – more fun etc etc and not appreciating my uniqueness and amazingness.
It appears Rebecca, that we all seem to be playing the same game when in fact we are ALL amazing and unique, we just left that behind eons ago, but with a little tender coaxing and a shed full of commitment we are beginning to re-claim our true essence, it may take many more lifetimes but the glorious thing is, we’re on our way and I for one have to keep reminding myself to appreciate that!
A great blog Sandra. ” I know what my essence feels like, and it is the real and true me, and I owe it to myself and others to honour the fragility and beauty of that.” Comparing ourselves with others is deadly – honouring our own uniqueness is the way to go.
Thanks Sue, it has certainly helped me along the way realising that my unique form of expression is well, unique to me, and not wrong, bad or less than anyone else. It’s just me! And you are absolutely right, comparison kills love and appreciation in its tracks. All I know is that when I have made the choice to feel my beauty and my power there is no need for comparison, it doesn’t even enter into the picture.
Thank you Sandra – I’m sure many can relate to what you share – I certainly do.
I love this line ” I felt more open and joyful, more connected to everyone, and even if I was dancing on my own, I had that connection to myself and the loneliness had gone.” I know this feeling, being on my own yet completely connected to myself and everyone else. As soon as I find myself needing someone else to be a certain way I know I have disconnected from me.
We waste so much time trying to connect with others on the outside and forget that all we need is that connection with ourselves first. I suppose the majority of us have forgotten what it feels like to be fully connected with ourselves, hence the reason we look outside for it. I’m no exception to that, I still look for that connection outside of me and will probably continue to do so until I make the choice to live in the fullness of me, claim my power and build that foundation of love in my body that nothing will shake!
The best way to overcome comparison is to be all who you are in the moment whether that is you or not.
This made me stop and ponder Rik, I suppose what you are saying is that it is no good waiting for the magic moment when we are fully connected to our Soul but to express truth, love and joy in every moment will bring us closer to our Soul naturally.
True connection is natural within us – it is our holding back from our connection with ourselves that keeps us in separation from connection with others.
“There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this”.
It is hugely ironic and deeply sad that we fight tooth and nail to disconnect, and remain disconnected from what we actually yearn to feel – our true selves. In affect we are battling with ourselves and have given our power away to what we think we are, instead of accepting and allowing what we truly are to come forth.
Universal Medicine’s retreats are an open invitation to a consistent daily rhythm and to an amazing level of connection and openess. I also find quite interesting what happens in the last night; during the celebration -a part of the program that is not going to be repeated the day after. Disconnecting, changing your movements and going back to old patterns is always an option. Yet, as I learn this year, there is no higher beauty than honouring the movement that flows naturally from and with the body.
It’s amazing how old patterns become the same as that favourite old item of clothing we just can’t dispose of and continue to wear. To change is a choice, so is not changing! We all have our own catalogue of reasons why we stay safe but are they all just about past hurts? We are not islands or ships that just pass each other in the dark. We all have a magnetic pull to each other so why to we fight this natural expression? When we let go of our resistance, magic happens and spreads everywhere we go.
Yes, why do we fight this natural expression, Steve? I have asked myself this questions many times over. I suppose something to appreciate is the fact that we KNOW we have a natural expression, but are not necessarily living it, then we can take steps to return to what is true. Thanks to the Way of the Livingness we are on our way home.
I love the oops part….. because that is all we have to do when we slip into an old pattern instead of beating ourselves up because we got it wrong, which is an old pattern of mine. I am using this word ‘oops’ too and am finding I can easily move on and let things go….
A beautiful acknowledgement that in those moments of comparison, anxiousness and jealousy we can simply take a breath to make space to honour and appreciate our unique qualities and the importance of bringing them to the big picture as equally important as everyone else’s.
Judging by the comments on this blog it appears that there are many of us who think we are shy and put ourselves into isolation because of it. Are we all playing the same game, when the simple answer is to just open up, let each other in and express how we are feeling. I’m still learning that myself, and sometimes I make mistakes along the way and hold back, but like you say Matilda, there is the bigger picture to consider, and although we may not always see the bigger picture it helps to know that everything happens for a reason, and even though we may not know what the bigger picture is, we can then surrender to the outcome and let go of controlling things to meet our expectations.
Beautifully claimed Sandra. When we make it all about self we shut others out so create a self-inflicted loneliness.
It is always a wake-up call when we realised that our own choices are causing our own conundrums.
I recognise that same pattern in me Sandra. Thank you for sharing how you are choosing to drop the old habit of hiding away. I used to call myself shy, but actually I am not. Something else is at play when I hold back and you have highlighted many reasons that make sense.
I also thought I was shy. As a child and growing up it wouldn’t take a lot for me to blush but as I become more confident within myself this behaviour hardly ever happens now. It is interesting what we think we are is actually not who we are when we make a commitment to living in connection to who we truly are.
For me Caroline, it was arms crossed, shoulders turned in, chin down, little eye contact, and when I was a teenager I hid my shyness with giggling. Since Universal Medicine I have discovered that if I change my posture it changes my mood, so no more cowering for me, or hiding my true height, or shuffling along like the world owes me, my commitment is to stand tall and no more hiding and without perfection making this my daily commitment to me.
The word shy to me means to shy away from something, whether it be our love, light, grandness, glory, sacredness, delicateness, power – all of those things. It doesn’t make sense does it, that we shy away from the one thing that we all yearn for but do very well at avoiding, and yet we choose to live in a manner that is a reduction of our true selves, when living as our true self would bring us all the love we ever wanted and more.
This is really beautiful. You noticed doing something that was hurting you and simply felt the impact of it, which makes it easier to accept a different choice the next time rather than simply repeating the same choice and feeling bad about it.
Yes being honest with ourselves in this way paves the way to a greater understanding. There is no value in being critical when we ‘oops,’ and we will always get another opportunity to make a different, more loving choice.
Exactly Victoria. The learning is the best part as this brings the appreciation of the steps we are taking and the true change taking place.
I agree Christoph this is really beautifull. In allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and feel what we are feeling we allow ourselves to be open to others and healing. This is a beautifull example from Sandra on the dance floor and she stood there and felt this someone came up and connected with her ????
Now, that IS evolution Christoph! Not only that, it was hurting me, yes, but also hurting others too… and that hurt.
Yes I found that hurting others often feels so much worse than our own hurt – and by starting to make different choices then these hurts can be addressed and healed for all.
I noticed as well Christoph, how making the choice to come out of my shell and allowing myself to connect with others had a knock on affect all around me. How wonderful would it be if we all lived like this, with an open heart and a connection to ourselves first, which would naturally mean a connection to everyone, the world would surely feel an enormous expansion and lightness taking us all nearer to our truth path of evolution, a return to our true nature.
Feeling bad about our ‘bad’ choices is probably also just an old pattern. Could it be that it is much more self loving to say ‘oops’… realise what has happened and take steps (movements), to heal and then move onto the next choice. I am also learning that if I miss one opportunity, another one will come along, and they will keep coming along until I get it, isn’t life wonderful, in as much as we will NEVER get away with anything and everything brings us back to Love… eventually.
I love your honesty Sandra and how you describe what was behind your withdrawal from others and from life. It seems you are well on your way of kicking this old pattern into touch.
Awareness is the key to kicking those patterns Rachel, so I have given up on giving myself a hard time when I feel I am going into an old pattern and appreciating the fact that I clock them in the first place. It is in fact a blessing, then if I make movements that will change my behaviours, things will begin to shift into a new way of being and I can start to evolve myself out of those patterns. Without the awareness I would just be stuck, and then so would everyone else around me!
I love the title Sandra it brings an honesty to the situation. I wonder if we called shyness by another name such as withdrawing from life or avoiding people that we would allow shyness to continue or be an acceptable part of our life. It is great you caught it Sandra and were able to see how it was not you and bring yourself back. I know whenever I have felt ‘shy’, it is because I have not wanted to be present in the moment and holding back from committing to being me in full.
I agree Alison, ‘shyness’ can be an insidious game that we play to avoid our power and responsibility and we will never truly evolve if we keep ourselves in isolation. It is a question I ask myself many times over ‘why do we avoid, reject and resist our power?’, I suppose the answer is different for everyone of us, but maybe it’s not, maybe we’re ALL afraid of feeling our power because we would then have to be responsible and let go of our comfort. So are we all playing the game, the game of hide (our truth) and seek (our light) until we make the choice to step into the light and reflect to each other that it is safe to come out of hiding.
Sandra, what a beautiful discovery and also a wonderful sharing of your experience. I love in particular how you have said the following: “Through the support of others, I had come back to the connection with myself, where no one is ever alone. There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this.” – it is about allowing ourselves to just be ourselves. So simple, yet not always so easy to do! Thank you for this gentle and needed reminder that it is never about a performance, but simply about us being who we so naturally are.
In the past I have found myself ‘performing’, or trying to impress or attract attention from others, probably due to not feeling enough or nervous, but it is true what you say, it is ‘simply about us being who we so naturally are’, and if we are connected to ourselves, the connection with others naturally follows and life comes to us, there is no need to strive or project forwards which leads to anxiousness and sometimes disappointment, as our expectations may not be met, and the worst of all is being let down by our expectations of ourselves! I am working on accepting and appreciating myself for who I am, not just for what I do, this supports me in accepting where others are at, and appreciating them too, quite a simple choice like you say Henrietta, and not so always easy to do, but well worth the commitment.
It’s crazy isn’t it to actually want to be like others rather than fully expressing the unique and precious selves that we are. Many, myself included, will relate to this feeling of looking out at others believing them to be better than ourselves. Lovely that you have come out of the shadow and into the light fully claiming the beautiful woman you are.
It sure is Kehinde James. There is so much we can offer in our own special way. I have noticed the more I appreciate about myself the more I appreciate about others and then these qualities are shown in abundance.
Gorgeous blog Sandra! I used to be an expert at the ‘‘hide and seek’ game”, always hoping that someone would come to see where I was and save me from the self imposed state of seclusion I had chosen. Funnily enough, it usually never worked and I would end up feeling even more secluded and miserable than before. To know that this seclusion is a choice I have made shows me that I can also make another choice and open myself up to the people around me; now this feels much more freer and definitely much more enjoyable.
Once we realise that this self imposed seclusion of or own making it becomes empowering because we begin to realise that there is nothing wrong with us, it is just a choice to hide away because we don’t want to either be seen for who we truly are, to avoid responsibility or being hurt.
Sandra I so completely relate to this and I really appreciate your insightful realisations – as disturbing and uncomfortable as they are – I agree with your insights and I love that the positive outcome of this is to just appreciate our unique selves more, and more! We already know how lovely it is to feel connected with everyone but realizing we are abandoning our connection with ourselves and therefore everyone else, is pretty sobering – this is such an old childhood pattern of hurt in my case – definitely time to discard that old baggage! Thankyou.
I know this too Sandra, feeling not being part of the whole and in that holding back that sparkly and joyful me that wants to live and share his livingness with everybody he meets. And that hurts, when I am entrapped in my protection and now I think of it, it will also hurt all the others I am with.
This is true, Nico. I’m always aware that it’s a choice I’m making – whether it’s to shine or not. The big difference being that one feels great, the other less so.
That’s it Nick, the more we become aware of our behaviour, the more we have the choice to change it, simple as that! Awareness is definitely the key. Of course we can choose to dull our awareness or choose to ignore it, but that is another choice and like you say, doesn’t feel nice.
It’s crazy isn’t it Nico that we choose to fall into the trap of our own making, which does as you say, hurt beyond measure. But I suppose for many of us, we have been choosing this way for so long that we identify with it as being who we are, and then find it difficult to break out of it. Thank heavens for The Way of the Livingness, which has brought back into my awareness that it is just a choice, and I can choose misery or I can choose joy in any moment, the choice is all mine.
It is an awful feeling withdrawing, it feels like your standing out like a sore thumb and everyone can tell how you’re feeling. I’ve also compared myself to others playfulness and joy levels thinking I am so serious and wishing I was like them… which just makes me more serious and less playful! I’ve realised like you Sandra, it is a choice, and there are ways, tools and support to step closer to me than stepping further away.
And what a difference it makes when we can take the steps back from withdrawing to playfulness and interaction and connection – every particle in us rejoices and all the particles around us will rejoice with us as they can’t do anything else but match the reflection 🙂
For so long in my life I was this way too Sandra, awkward, uncomfortable and all on my own. Yet even at the time I could feel very strongly it was something I was choosing. I love how this blog unpacks this behaviour to see how making life all about ourselves shuts out and puts up barriers with everyone around. Wow what a beautiful antidote to see the way simple human touch cuts through instantly. I feel this is something we could all bring into our every day, that when there is diffciulty and disconnection, we can let touch lead the way.
Yes, Joseph, when I feel ‘all on my own’ these days it is a clear indication that I have cut myself off from the connection that is always and forever there for me and everyone.
You nailed it Janet, when you say ‘…I have cut myself off from the connection that is always and forever there for me and everyone’. The connection is not just for self, it is indeed for everyone. We are connected to everyone, all of the time, but think we are ‘all on our own’, which as somebody said to me recently, it is not old patterns of behaviour I was going into, it was just an indulgence, so once realised, it became easy to pull myself out of it and get back out there out there and connect with others.
It’s funny that we think we’re all on our own because we compare ourselves to others who look like they’re all together. But when we’re connected to ourselves we’re never really alone because in that connection we’re connected to the universe, and God – and how could we ever feel alone when we can feel all of that majesty and beauty all around us?
Timely reminder for me to keep looking out for that too Janet, as I have felt a bit like that lately – however observing myself while this was going on I also had the awareness that this was an illusion and as soon as I renounced the illusion, I could feel my connection to the all again and in the temporal world, was able to connect with others again on a deeper level too.
Why do we feel we can be all on our own… even in a crowd, disconnected? We walk around life in a mobile castle!! What kind of pressure does this put on our body’s Why, would we walk around with the weight of the world on our shoulders? ‘No man is an island’ is part of a famous quote about we are all involved in humankind and it is our responsibility not to hide.
Sometimes I can feel even more alone in a crowd than when I am home alone, I suppose that is when I have disconnected from myself which means I have closed myself off to others, making it all about me when the most responsible choice would be to let people in by opening myself up and making it about all of us.
So true Joseph. If we stay open to others when they are feeling shut down if offers them a reflection that they can then choose for themselves.
Beautiful and very supportive for all when we are able to be with others in this way, how powerful are our reflections …
Your first sentence Joseph certainly rings true for me, I spent years feeling uncomfortable but unlike you I blamed people for shutting me out not realising that I was creating the divide with my own disconnection to myself. In truth, we can try to make life about ourselves, but that doesn’t work – and I love the idea of how a simple touch can bring people closer together as after all, maybe what we all miss is the intimate connection but are afraid to make the first move.
The true connection we have with ourselves is so important……not only for ourselves, but for everyone else too, people can feel it……which can change many lives including our own. Very inspiring…..thank you for sharing your story with us all. One of the things your story reflects to me, is the power we all have…… being honest, taking responsibility for our own choices, to deeply appreciate, and value our own unique expressions.
The only thing that may stop me from valuing my own unique expression is going into jealously and comparison with others, which stops any form of love in its tracks, so bringing it back to appreciation of myself is the key… along with being honest and taking responsibility for my own choices.
So true Sandra, jealousy and comparison are absolutely detrimental to our evolution and serve no one. Taking responsibility for it is the first step to making a difference to this.
I heard a wise may say recently that when we begin to feel a little jealousy or comparison coming in to our thoughts to just say to ourselves ‘this person had made choices that I am not ready to make yet, or not chosen to make yet because of my undealt with hurts, yet they are no better or worse then me, we are all equal’, this doesn’t necessary alleviate the feeling of sadness that I have felt at not making the same choices but it sure has supported me in allowing myself to appreciate me and also appreciating others who are reflecting my own potential, and that of all of us, back to me. After all, we all need each other to evolve, we can’t do it alone.
Often we can find ourselves in a whole of disconnection and assuming people are blocking us out.
But in all respects we have created this wall that gives the impression to others to stay away.
Thus we compound the reality we think we have nothing to do with.
There is much truth in your words Luke. When I was younger I was a typical wallflower, and guess what, blamed everyone else for the fact that I was left alone and had few friends. Now I realise, thanks to Universal Medicine, that it was me that was shutting people out because I had lost the connection with myself…. too busy building up and hiding behind the protection and guardedness in my body. This was the reality I had created for myself, all based on a lie of course, and not based on responsibility for my own behaviour. Now that the barriers are coming down my world is changing around me, I have many friends, and most important of all, am building a loving relationship with myself.
Thanks Sandra for sharing your experiences, I still prefer to stand at the side at a party than dance, but connecting with people, that is always fun. It is great you have experienced that different way of interacting, and clocking when you are withdrawing, once it is done once the next time it is easier to clock and stay connected with you and with others.
You are right Stephen, once or twice I have found myself beginning to slip into old patterns. But this is just a choice, and usually an indulgence, but the realisation of what I am doing comes quicker and then it is quite a simple choice to come back to the connection with me, through getting over myself and connecting with others.
Thank you for sharing Stephen G that standing at the side can also be a way of sharing that is not withdrawing but the way you like to express who you are. It is interesting to understand that we all have different ways of expressing that may include engaging in a dance with a large groups of people, standing with a group of people or sitting on you own that is still not holding back who we are. What is noted here is the feeling that either way you are not alone but can feel the connection to the all.
Hiding in my shell is a behaviour I am familiar with when I’m not feeling good about myself. I love how Sandra drills down to what is really going on when it happens, and shows us a way back from this lonely place. Deeply appreciating our uniqueness and accepting our place allows us to each celebrate in our own way. I’m sure young people, especially of adolescent age, would appreciate the insight offered here.
Since I wrote this blog I have caught myself a few times going back into isolation when I haven’t felt too good about myself too! But the truth is, there is nowhere to hide as the Universe and everyone feels it, so the best thing we can do is call out what is not true, be honest with ourselves and phone a friend! And then we may realise that we are not the only ones living in this illusion and feeling down and isolated, miserable or depressed, so communicating, connecting and expressing our feelings to others is definitely the way to move on and certainly yes, if I had had this conversation with a willing ear when I was an adolescent I am sure I would have felt the benefit.
What a gorgeous blog Sandra Henden. You hit it on the head where you shared that we all have our unique expression that together bring an abundance of joy for everyone to enjoy. It is when we choose to sit in the pit of loneliness that creates the cycle of detachment and stops others from appreciating what we have to offer.
This is so true Natallija, sitting in our self-created pit of loneliness not only stops others from appreciating us, it stops US from appreciating ourselves too, so nobody wins in this game we play with each other.
Yes and not only that – it stops others from feeling welcome and therefor makes it harder for them to approach us too.
This is true Karina, and growing up I have played that game all too often, and THEN blame others for not approaching me. Someone has to make the first move which I am finally beginning to realise, so why not the first move be mine!
Yes.. so easy to feel that others don’t understand us, but only because we’re choosing to separate ourselves and not be who we truly are. When we just allow ourselves to be who we are, let go and open up, warts and all, we take down the guard and let others in, and life starts to feel big and grand again.
Thank you Sandra. The more we can be as honest as you have been the more humanity, me included has a reference point to do so naturally, not from shame or being less. Truly appreciated.
I am beginning to realise more and more how important it is to be honest with ourselves, and express how we truly feel to others, without giving ourselves a hard time, whether we feel great or whether we feel lost or fed up. Either way it is super important to express to someone who has a listening ear, because chances are, they have either been through, or are going through something similar themselves, which makes it a shared experience. There is a saying ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’, and although talking to someone may not take our ‘problem’ away, it goes a very long way to call out a behaviour that may be stuck in our body and through talking about it helps to heal it.
I love this ‘Through the support of others, I had come back to the connection with myself, where no one is ever alone. There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this.’ I held an assembly today for Year 7 students on puberty with the foundation being for them to appreciate who they are and their own uniqueness and how comparing ourselves with others just doesn’t do it. My relationship with me has changed so much since knowing Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, in fact before I saw this blog that is exactly what I found myself momentarily reflecting on … how much my life has changed. Always allow yourself to sparkle it gives others permission to do the same ✨
I love that Vicky ‘Always allow yourself to sparkle it gives others permission to do the same’…inside we are always sparkling, always ~ and reflecting that sparkle to others is the best service we can ever be to another.
It’s a great way to put it – love that as it makes it so clear that we always have the choice – to sparkle or to suppress it.