I thought I was in a great relationship with my mom until I was reading the blog by Caroline Raphael I Not Only Love My Mum, I adore her…What a Revelation!
As a kid, life was very challenging for me. Later in life I felt that I kept blaming my mom for things that happened, even though deep down I knew that it was because of choices I had made. I was always ‘nice’ to my mom but in truth I kept her at a distance even when I hugged her or when I saw her.
I tried with coaching and the support of friends to work on these issues, but deep down nothing changed. I was still often in reaction to my parents. It was like they always pressed the right buttons through their behaviour, which triggered old hurts within me. It was only when I started to do the workshops and healing modalities with Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon that true changes came in the relationship between me and my mom.
I healed some very deep hurts from the past, which have been held and hidden in my body. During one workshop of Serge Benhayon where we worked on childhood imprints/hurts, I was able to feel a lot of hurts and let them go. This had a direct effect on how I was with my mom. I was more loving and truly caring. Basically my heart was more open to her: so I was appreciating myself for that.
However, I could feel how much I was still holding back towards my mom. There was so much more to open up to her. If I was honest, I could always feel a certain distance between us in my body, for example when hugging her, or I would easily get irritated with her.
During the last few months, my mom and I have been in the right circumstances to spend a lot of time together to further deepen our relationship.
It has been amazing. Our relationship has come to a very different level. I decided to express about subjects that before I was shy to talk about as I was not sure if my mom wanted to talk about them. I spoke with a lot of openness in my heart; I could feel there was a holding of love. To my surprise we talked long about things relating to women and deepened our connection by expressing both how we saw life, and how we experienced life as women. I couldn’t wish for more. We always talked a lot about the important issues of life, but this was for sure even deeper.
As I shared ALL the stories I had been keeping from my mom I started to see much better how beautiful my mom truly is and that there is nothing wrong with her, NOTHING. It was all my issues and hurts I was projecting onto her.
She is just very, very beautiful and sweet, has an enormous care for people, and she carries a lot of wisdom with her. Just like me she was hiding that in life a bit, but now I have started to see how great she is, she opens up more and more because she has been seen for being herself, which she loves. I enjoy so very much loving her. I can feel she doesn’t need to protect herself from me anymore. Before I had an arrogance that she was less in a way. That came from judging her as I was judging myself. I can feel and experience now the qualities she brings which is so supporting to us both in life.
Recently we danced together to the music of Glorious Music, by Michael Benhayon. It was one of the most beautiful moments of my life. We were both initially shy, but we opened up to each other and looked each other in the eyes. I saw and felt how my mom was opening up to me and me to her, and felt the most beautiful and deep connection I could wish for with my mom.
We laugh from our stomach many times. We both see clearly the strange things about life. I give her the space now to love me. In truly loving her, I find the truth of feeling at that moment, the exact same love towards myself. One cannot exist without the other. And like Caroline wrote “What I have come to discover in my own healing is that my mother loves me dearly too.” And that is exactly what I feel now too.
I can feel she loves me deeply. It is such a healing to open up so much more with my mom. We are friends, we have become more and more intimate, and it is great to be with her. Hugging her now is hugging myself too. Accepting her as a very beautiful woman is at the same time accepting me as the very beautiful woman I am. Loving her is Loving me.
What a celebration, opening up to my mom.
There are many people who reflect to me how it is possible to live true love, especially Serge Benhayon and his family who are always inviting me to be more. I am also inspired by other Esoteric practitioners who deeply supported me to claim myself back as a woman.
By Anonymous
Further Reading:
Opening up to People – Letting True Love Flow
My Sister and I
What mothers teach daughters
It is beautiful when we open our hearts and our arms to each other.
The non-moving connection we have with Love leaves the door open to deepen every relationship we have especially with our family.
The more we deepen in the love we have for ourselves, get rid of hurts and any other nonsense the greater my relationship with myself, mum and everyone else becomes.
Mothers love was usually revolving around food, anyway my mother would smother me with food, and with the hand me down recipes that were all about sugar, so is it any wonder that my generation ended up being sugar-aholics.
Fast-forward to today and the Love I now hold my mother in even though she has passed over will deeply bring a wealth of Love in her next incarnation.
Greg, thank you for expressing that
‘the Love I now hold my mother in even though she has passed over will deeply bring a wealth of Love in her next incarnation.’
Even if we could not love our mother or anyone for that matter what you are sharing is that the more we return to that deep settlement in our bodies which is the love that holds us all as one then this is felt by the all, this is true healing.
I am realising more and more the great responsibility I have in ensuring the relationships I am in are amazing. Dullness and mundane will just not do anymore. Love is the foundation and nothing can go below that.
The relationship we have with our parents can be one of being open and trans-parent and this would open us up to responding to them rather than going into reactions.
‘She is just very, very beautiful and sweet, has an enormous care for people, and she carries a lot of wisdom with her.’ It is really lovely to read this, I can feel that we can either appreciate and see the qaulities in others or we can judge and be critical and not see the beauty that is there.
Anonymous, this is really helpful to read; ‘Before I had an arrogance that she was less in a way. That came from judging her as I was judging myself. I can feel and experience now the qualities she brings which is so supporting to us both in life.’ It is interesting how if we have judgments of ourselves that we judge others and that when we deal with our hurts and are more accepting and loving with ourselves that this naturally opens our hearts to others, this has very much been my experience.
I have heard this from many students of Universal Medicine, that true and lasting changes in themselves and their relationships only happened after attending workshops and modalities with Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon.
It is beautiful to open our hearts and be ourselves. It should be an easy and natural thing to do but unfortunately in our society today it is more common to hide our expression of love then it is to openly share it. So, this is so gorgeous to read how you let your mom in, be open and loving.
It was my birthday last week and I practiced giving people the space to love me and letting that love in. It was a great experiment and one that opened me up.
‘I give her the space now to love me.’ What a gift for both of you and in sharing this gem you have offered others the opportunity to explore relationships where they too are holding back.
What a gift, a celebration, and a turn around of your relationship with your mum, ‘I can feel she loves me deeply. It is such a healing to open up so much more with my mom. We are friends, we have become more and more intimate, and it is great to be with her. Hugging her now is hugging myself too. Accepting her as a very beautiful woman is at the same time accepting me as the very beautiful woman I am. Loving her is Loving me.’
I do not react to my mother like I used to. I have understanding. I am learning to hold myself in the absolute love I am. Mothers sense the love and they align to it – immediately all because of the choice we make to love and adore ourselves.
It’s great to be so honest about this; ‘I could always feel a certain distance between us in my body, for example when hugging her, or I would easily get irritated with her.’ This makes me realise that I can also do this in some of my relationships; it inspires me to be open and loving with the people in my life and not to hold back with this.
Absolutely it has certainly inspired me to look at the relationships where I still hold back and the reasons why.
Opening up to our parents, ever deepening that love is so healing. Looking through some old diaries I realise how much I disliked my mum at times and so appreciate that we had time together in the years before she died to come to a place of loving acceptance of each other, of appreciation and some very tender, precious moments.
The thing is that when you do open up to people, no matter the circumstance or the argument or whatever you see an amazing person in front of you. When we shut down to people we also shut down to how sweet and how amazing they are.
Letting your love out is the most freeing and truly loving thing to do. For why hold back such love, when it is the one thing we truly want in life. That makes no sense, only to the mind of separation it does.
I agree Danna, it is so common to hold back our love but we crave love too. Also at the same time we have access to love each and every day. How much we choose to express love is up to us, the more we choose to access love the more joyful life becomes.
“Hugging her now is hugging myself too. Accepting her as a very beautiful woman is at the same time accepting me as the very beautiful woman I am. Loving her is Loving me.” A beautiful reflection of true sisterhood.
And it demonstrates how important it is we accept ourselves – because if we have a constant battle inside us then that is what we are going to outwardly see too.
So true Meg, I have seen this play out and it is not a pleasant experience. When we understand that the fight we have in life is a reflection of the fight we have within ourselves, this can support us to start looking at what it is about ourselves that we fight? It could be very supportive to reflect and be honest about how we treat ourselves. Is it with love or with abuse?
Holding back who we are From another because of what we perceive them to be is a pure judgement that harms both sides deeply so.
Judging others come very easily if we constantly judge ourselves and the same goes with loving others, it is such a natural flow of love, when we love ourselves as it simply flows out to others without trying. So, do we choose to love ourselves or judge ourselves? Because our choice impacts everything around us.
I can feel how things are shifting in relationships in my family too. As we allow more love in our bodies the way we express and the way others express towards us changes. There can be some awkward moments as we navigate our way through these changes. I am finding that as I nominate what is happening in the simplest way even if it is only to myself the energy changes and we find ourselves meeting and moving on.
Its interesting how if we are hiding things in a relationship – judgements, little sore subjects or things we are not so proud of, pockets of untruth if you like…. then that gives permission or allows it in the other person. If we are entirely open with another, they get that reflection and so it gives them permission to open up too. So simple, but a total revelation as well.
This is a beautiful sharing that highlights how healing and letting go of our hurts and as such our deepening relationship and connection to love for ourselves, allows us to feel where love is not being fully lived in our lives and our relationships, and so continuing to offer a greater healing on all levels so the ‘all’ of who we are is what we can share in all our relationships.
So gorgeous to read Anon, thank you for sharing, it brought back memories of my own mother, and I realised in her own way she did care, but because of her hurts she was not able to show it, so beautiful you were able to heal your hurts and open your heart to yourself and then also to your mum.
Reading this blog reminds me of my own mother who I absolute adore, mothers/ daughters fathers/ brothers – we have all so so much we can learn from one and other.
Loving ourselves intern allows us to love others more too.
The truth is that we offer each other all a reflection. That it is wise to allow each other to be that reflection and deal with our hurts, pain and uncomfortableness. As to complete our lessons and learnings what we receive by another. Sometimes we need to be more honest with ourselves and each other and let it be.
I agree Danna, being honest is key to all relationship. I realised when I have issues in any relationship, the first place to look for answers is within myself, to be open to seeing what these issues are telling me and being completely honest about why they are present.
Who thought that by loving ourselves – we actually love others naturally, without effort. This is what needs to be brought back into our lives. Lets experiment with the openness of loving again. This time for real.
Absolutely Danna – what is shared here offers us the way in which all our relationship can be honoring and evolving as is our natural way of being together, founded through our return to being the love we innately are first.
Beautiful Danna, this is an awesome invitation and inspiration to start loving ourselves and love will naturally flow out to everyone around us.
It is true we often play the ‘being nice’ role but still keep people at a distance who we perceive as having hurt us or have the ability to hurt us; so we protect ourselves. Looking back at the relationship I had with my mother, at the time it seemed fraught with all the things she did wrong but having had the chance to speak honestly to her during her last years, I started to understand how and why she behaved the way she did when we were growing up. We always see a relationship from our perspective and hurts but there is always a reason why people act the way they do, as they have their own hurts and protection to deal with.
Tears came to my eyes reading this today, especially this “she opens up more and more because she has been seen for being herself, which she loves.” This is what we all dearly want, to be seen for being ourselves. We have it as a child, and then we lose it. Good on you for bringing it back.
“Loving her is Loving me.” The more we are open to love, the more love pours in.
I used to blame my parents for all sorts of things, now however I realise how I did this just to avoid responsibility of looking at what I was creating. Now my relationship with them could not be better, we openingly share our love for one and other and I feel super grateful and honoured to have the parents I have.
What a love story! “I give her the space now to love me.” Reading this I realised how little I do this, thank you.
Anonymous, it is interesting how we can think there is something wrong with others and hold much judgement against them, rather than looking at how we are being and whether we are being open, loving, understanding and accepting; ‘there is nothing wrong with her, NOTHING. It was all my issues and hurts I was projecting onto her.’
“.. she opens up more and more because she has been seen for being herself, which she loves.” How much of an effect is it to meet another in all the love ❤️ you know yourself to be. It is an absolute confirmation of the love they are and you are.
Projecting our hurts onto people completely ruins any connection and true relationship from the beginning, it is so important to heal our hurts for many reasons, ‘now I have started to see how great she is, she opens up more and more because she has been seen for being herself, which she loves.’
Anonymous; this shows how judgement of ourselves and others stops us connecting with each other and stops us appreciating our own and others qualities. ‘Before I had an arrogance that she was less in a way. That came from judging her as I was judging myself. I can feel and experience now the qualities she brings which is so supporting to us both in life.’
We can heal so much given the opportunity…. and this is what Universal Medicine courses offer.
Here is a fact …One of the most powerful and awesome opportunities that Universal Medicine courses offer, with the profound healing that can take place with issues that dominate our life…we can heal so much given the opportunity….
You make me wonder – what really are we missing out on in our relationships if we don’t one billion percent go there and give it everything.
This is so true, ‘Accepting her as a very beautiful woman is at the same time accepting me as the very beautiful woman I am. Loving her is Loving me.’ Very beautiful to feel you’re growing love and acceptance.
I was in a situation recently where I was in a lot of hurt and reaction to someone. A close friend asked me to share what I appreciate about this person I was in conflict with. At first I didn’t want to and all I wanted to do was focus on what they weren’t living or how they had hurt me and trying to justify why I didn’t want the responsibility of fixing the relationship. Then I decided to let that go and share three things I appreciated about the person, when I did this and verbalised it, everything changed, there was no longer the tension in my body and the hurt and anger no longer owned me, I was able to open up again and not hold this person to the behaviours.
What a gorgeous blog that shows that we cant wait for the other person to open up if we truly want a deeper relationship. With parents I feel a lot of us still hold judgments towards them, which gets in the way of us being able to connect and get to know each other as equals.
” I decided to express about subjects that before I was shy to talk about as I was not sure if my mom wanted to talk about them. ” This is so wonderful and very loving on your part , everyone wants to know the truth that they know, is alive and been lived, this is where the livingness of reflection comes in.
‘I give her the space now to love me.’ This is so beautiful and increases my appreciation of how much more willing I am to open up to others particularly those closest to me whereas in the past I have used my hurts as an impenetrable barrier to allowing others to truly love me which is a very lonely place to exist in. Thank you for sharing and demonstrating the power of loving without conditions.
As I cleared my own hurts and resentments towards my mother – who died some eight years ago now – our relationship became much closer. Without attending Universal Medicine presentations and receiving healing from esoteric practitioners, I doubt this would have happened, as I had been seeking ‘healing’ from many spiritual modalities for over twenty years before this.
‘ I give her the space now to love me. In truly loving her, I find the truth of feeling at that moment, the exact same love towards myself. One cannot exist without the other. ‘ Making love a two way street becoming one.
When we consider how much our own unresolved hurts, issues and imperfections clash with the unresolved hurts, issues and imperfections of others, should we really wonder how and why this world is such a mess today?
Can you imagine what an effect it would have being that open with the same dedication towards everyone? What kind of evolution for oneself and the other would be on offer then ?!
Just reading this I feel a warmth and love for my Mum, and see her as a woman, as a gorgeous woman not just my Mum. We all miss out when we hold onto our hurts. Projecting our hurts on to others ensures we stay separate and distanced for longer.
It is beautiful how you could let go of the hurt and after that was totally free to be you with your mum. This shows how we can in life heal our hurts and don’t have to walk around with them, holding back our love.
It is very beautiful to feel that when we open ourselves to love, we open ourselves the love within all where we then can truly connect and deepen our relationship in honor of the truth of who we all equally are in essence. When we are willing take responsibility for how we feel we open up the space for love to be our governing light.
It seems part of this ‘holding to ransom’ of our parents that we avoid topics thinking they will not be interested etc. If we never give people the opportunity we will never know and can continue to blame and pigeon hole them. I find it is also part of not letting people really get to know me, when I don’t share these deeper feelings.
As we come to know ourselves, there is so much that can heal, and when we take these steps, we can rebuild our connection not just with ourselves, with so many people around us
Anonymous, this is beautiful; ‘now I have started to see how great she is, she opens up more and more because she has been seen for being herself, which she loves.’ Reading this I can feel how this is the case with children too, if we see them for the amazing people they are and don’t judge them and criticise them then they are able to be more open and more of themselves, if there is judgement and criticism this can be crushing for children and adults, and can make us feel small and stop us from developing and living to our potential.
Beautiful – simple – real and true.. SHaring what is so obviously right and makes sense – to open up our hearts to our parents, loving them – no matter what, as we allow ourselves to love and open up our hearts to ourselves.. The key to our Soul.
It’s so worth putting our issues aside and opening up and cherishing another person. Every single person is amazing and no issue or problem is bigger than how amazing our relationships can be.
True connection allows for the realisation that love has always been there but had not been expressed. Is it then a wonder that we get sick?
What if we would focus on this love? Noone would be in anger or separation with another person for long, as we would feel how painful it is, to be disconnected in ourself and in effect with the other person.
We are one with our mother and with everyone, the only distance is that one which we have with ourselves.
We have a treasure in the reflection of that distance with others. In that, we have the opportunity of opening us to others and healing our hurts with them, and so, open ourselves up much more to life and have a deep healing too.
Thank you is it not amazing what we are missing out on , just because we want to blame others .
Nothing quite beats the feeling of opening up and going deeper with another. Dropping our guard and really connecting is the stuff that makes the world go round.
Anonymous, I love reading this article, it has inspired me to have a deeper, more loving relationship with my mum. I appreciate and adore her and the more I open up to her and see her qualities the more she opens up to me and the more intimate and loving our relationship becomes, it feels very beautiful to express openly and honestly with each other.
I love the awareness and honesty you bring to seeing that you were not holding your mother as an absolute equal, I have to ask myself do I do this or do I hold my own mother less in some way?
Anonymous, this is such a beautiful, inspiring article, I love this; ‘I started to see much better how beautiful my mom truly is and that there is nothing wrong with her, NOTHING. It was all my issues and hurts I was projecting onto her.’ I can feel from reading this how in society we so often judge each other, whether this be family, friends, neighbours or people we meet out and about, we seem to cast judgments about their behavior and in a way hold this person as less and ourselves as ‘right’, I have been judged in this way and it feels very squashing, I feel that I am not seen for the amazing woman that I am and am instead seen for behaviours that are not truly me and am being judged on these. We miss out on the bigger picture when we do this, on appreciating others qualities, focussing only on the behavior that we do not like.
‘ I give her the space now to love me.’ What a beautiful thing it is to give space for love.
I love this sentence aswell- it is like allowing the feeling of deserving to be loved and not attacking it anymore. What an ease for the other person aswell, who could possibly feel the wall against their expression of love crashed every now and then.
Parents as do kids have a great ability to push our ‘hurt’ buttons. But really this is a great thing as when we are too confortable we have no idea that those hurts are still there, disabling our fullness in life.
The unfolding nature of relationships is truly beautiful. Whatever may arise is an opportunity for everyone involved.
We can see what arises as ‘problems or issues’ but when we do miss the opportunities on offer to learn and grow.
“It was only when I started to do the workshops and healing modalities with Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon that true changes came in the relationship between me and my mom.” I’ve been to some of these workshops and found them invaluable and so needed for releasing old hurts that do not serve me any more. Since healing my hurts with my mum, our relationship has blossomed and I love spending time with her now and can truly appreciate her.
What is simply stunning about this blog is that the more we begin to learn and uncover about ourselves and our behaviours and hurts we begin to open up our hearts to others in the process. This deepens our relationship and the relationships we then hold with others also blossom and deepen. This is very beautiful thank you Anon.
how powerful and how beautiful that you had the opportunity to heal the rift with your mother… So many of us have not had this opportunity and you are raising the bar for what is possible.
Its good to clock the immense healing available to both, no matter whether with a parent, a child, a loved one…. if not now then does the opportunity pass?
It is so important, as you have done, to recognise the difference between a ‘good’ relationship and a ‘true’ relationship. Because we can carry on with the good assuming that it is enough, when really deep down inside we are longing for more… more intimacy, more honesty, more love… which I have found can only come when what is true is sought and lived and accepted.
When we get ourselves out of the way, drop our guards and open our hearts then magic happens.
So beautiful to read Anon, thank you for sharing, it brought tears to my eyes as I remember my own mother’s love, and the love I have for her.
When we offer love and nothing short of this love it is amazing how our relationships blossom and deepen in far greater rates than we could ever imagine. I have recently felt how my relationship with my mother has come to a stronger and more tangible understanding of respect. Allowing one another to be ourselves rather than be caught in the wave of ideals and beliefs of mother and daughter roles.
When someone bothers you, it is without exception your issue to resolve. Its not something we ever like to hear, although it is true, and having adopted this as my way of living I find it is an empowering way to live.
I could really relate to this recently in regards to another relationship in my life, all the things that bother me ‘about them’ are actually all within me. If anything it’s a beautiful opportunity to have these hurts exposed by having other people in our lives that do ‘push our buttons’. The more I take responsibility for why these hurts are within me the clearer, lighter and more open I become with myself and the other person.
Such a beautiful blog Anonymous and a great reminder that the horrible and painful bits in our relationships live not with us but in the feelings and readings we hold back. Like a Berlin Wall each thing we hold close to our chest gradually builds up to the point that no light can get through. What a great testimonial you have left us here to the simple fact that being secretive and scared to express is the greatest barrier to true Love.
‘What a celebration, opening up to my mom.’ When my Mum was terminally ill it offered us an amazing opportunity to open up to each other and we both embraced it. What was a period of grieving also became a period of celebrating an increasing intimacy and commitment to deepen our relationship. This is as beautiful to feel now as it was 20 years ago.
Being seen for who we are is a great antidote to staying in protection.
To consider the quality of the word ‘adore’, to really feel the cherishing, honour and treasuring that is beheld in it, and then to see it touch our relationships, is something very special to witness.
It had recently been mother’s day in the UK and feeling the space to do so I allowed my own expression of appreciation for my mother in what I wrote in a card and I could feel just how powerful it was for her to read and for our relationship – begs the question why do we ever hold back in any way?
The reality of true love shared here with your mother is deeply beautiful as is the awareness of letting another in to love you . A very honest and revealing blog on opening up and the love that blossoms from within to be shared and expanded with all. ” I give her the space now to love me. In truly loving her, I find the truth of feeling at that moment, the exact same love towards myself. One cannot exist without the other.” Beautiful.
When we open up to one person we open up to everybody and when we shut down to one person we shut down to everybody.
What came to me with your blog today is just how we often hold back from really opening up and being our fullness in front of those we deeply love, ironic really as we can’t truly love another if we don’t love ourselves and if we hide our fullness we are not being very loving! Anyway to me its the fact that those “family” are people that are equal and the potential of love is so great that we avoid it instead of embrace it!
It is when ones mother becomes another person to love rather than an ideal or belief in how we or she should be, the depth of learning and loving can be quite remarkable. What was shared by Caroline Raphael is truly an inspiring piece for many as it has brought a realness to the fact that when we are carrying expectations there is no way we can see past the true qualities we all possess. The support of a blog like this and many practitioners of Esoteric Healing have allowed me to meet my Mother as an equal and not as the child that I have carried for many years into my adulthood.
Yes. As soon as we are prepared to be honest with ourselves about what we bring to our relationships – in terms of past hurts and reactions – our relationship with ourselves and others becomes more real, sustainable, understanding and loving.
There is something so beautiful and inspiring about the always unfolding nature of, and opportunity in, relationships. Letting our relationships evolve, rather than restricting them with attachment to how we project they should be, offers up some of the most amazing teachings.
This is beautiful Matilda as it is the pictures, ideals and beliefs that keep us trapped in old patterns of lovelessness. When we make realtionships about what is true and not what looks good, it changes everything.
Re-learning how to love my mom again has been the greatest journey, because with it I have come to appreciate all women to a much deeper level, including myself.
Yes, I can also relate to this Shami-it’s magical,the alchemy that’s possible. Well worth taking into all troubling relationships.
It’s great to look at family as not family but people who are equal to us. When I took away the mother daughter relationships I felt I had a much truer conversation with her and stopped seeing her as a mum but rather as a deeply caring woman who I could Open up too.
Our parents or anyone else for that matter is never the issue, when we look at and deal with our own hurts, which had been there from the beginning before we even met our parents.
The relationship we have with our mothers are such important opportunities to learn about ourselves, one another and sisterhood. When we take away the need for another to fulfil some kind of role and instead be naturally ourselves beauty and magic happen.
To acknowledge the hurts we are carrying from the past and learn how to let go of them, will have a great impact on all our relationships.
Yes, and will help us to understand and be empowered by the responsibility we can take to effect our lives.
Sometimes it seems that there is no way to get past a block or a hurt with another person, yet when not given up on its quite amazing to transform the relationship, connection and expression of love. It may be that we give up too easily and walk away when things get tough rather than seeing it through and bringing it to love.
Accepting our own light and love within ourselves allows us to accept others and live in the full appreciation of who they are.
Every time our heart fully opens up for yet another person, the whole world gets to feel Love. The whole world.
This is huge.
Loving her is loving me. Absolutely, the amount of love we hold for others is only gauged by how much we love ourselves in equal measure, both giving and receiving.
Powerful words of truth.
My relationship with my mum continues to evolve. In the past it has been built on comfort and need, and it is still easy to fall into that if we are not careful. Recently we have introduced a new thing into our relationship. We have decided to become ‘study buddies’! It has given us a new purpose, allows us to connect on a deeper level, and lifts us out of the comfort and the need. It feels great.
‘To my surprise we talked long about things relating to women and deepened our connection by expressing both how we saw life, and how we experienced life as women. I couldn’t wish for more. We always talked a lot about the important issues of life, but this was for sure even deeper.’ When women come together and share openly about what life is for us as women it gives the natural support that is on offer when we truly connect, doing this within generations is a beautiful opportunity to change the tides of long lived family patterns.
“Loving her is loving me” – I love that comment. The more we love ourselves the more we can love another and then the more we love another the more we love ourselves. It is a beautiful thing to experience.
What an interesting blog, as I read it I was reminded how we hold ourselves back when we feel we are not met with love from the person with us or even hugging us. There are so many hugs that are done without truly opening up to the love in the hug!!! Yet I also take responsibility for the fact that we are one part of that hug and therefore do not need to change the love coming from us even if the love coming back is not equal to that. In fact I am starting to understand it is essential not to ‘calibrate’ to the other person but to develop a way of being with ourselves that ensures when we hug, we hug with our whole heart, with our whole ‘selves’ – our essence, and an openness to love them for their whole ‘selves’ – their essence – as well!
When both of you stopped holding back, you were open and able to feel the true beauty in each other. A truly powerful reflection that goes both ways.
A very gorgeous blog to read. I have realised that when we let go of our hurts we allow space for love to nourish and expand. It is our choice to hold onto our hurts that shuts love down and this way of contracting ourselves seems hurts us more than what others do or say to us.
I find that when I am feeling great about myself my relationship with my Mum is amazing. There is nothing to project onto her, and she can be herself in all her imperfections and I will still be loving and compassionate. When I am feeling bad about myself for whatever reason I find that she is the first person I will take it out on. The judgment I am placing on myself turns to hardness and becomes directed at her in the form of defense. Really horrible. Something to watch, and all the more reason to work on loving myself enough so I can contribute to a loving relationship.
I’m recently in an intimate relationship again and I’ve noticed how much she’s appreciating my mum. It is reflecting to me how I’ve not cherished and seen my mum for who she really is. This new perspective opens up a whole new way of relating to her. And this is actually deeply precious. I’m starting to feel how much I love and adore her. And how much she cares about me too!!! And so do I:-). How important is the reflection of love and appreciation then??
Sometimes ‘Love’ is right in front of us but we will not see it until we are ready – Thank you Anon this has been beautiful to read.
This is beautifull ‘As I shared ALL the stories I had been keeping from my mom I started to see much better how beautiful my mom truly is and that there is nothing wrong with her, NOTHING. It was all my issues and hurts I was projecting onto her.’ It is great when we finally see the reason that it was not the other person all along but … us! Once we truly get this and change our behaviours, beliefs, ideals, expectations etc .. the relationship changes. It just goes to show never point the finger at the other person always look at ourselves first. Hearing about you dancing together was super cute ????
My mom told me about that she met a little girl she did not know on the street she lives on. What is unusual, because she lives in a little village she did grow up in…she knows everyone who lives there. So she met this girl on the street and said ‘hello’ without expecting an answer from the little girl (assuming that she is maybe too shy or to afraid to talk with a stranger). The girl stopped and said also ‘hello’. She walked on and stopped again and said: ‘you are beautiful!’ to my mom. My mom was totally surprised and than nearly in tears of joy about this meeting. ‘She made my day…and in fact my week’, my mom said. And I realized that I would never ever get the idea to say to my mom that she is beautiful. I have so much criticism of her, or when she does something ‘right’ in my eyes, I praise her – but that is different to what this girl just did. It is appreciation of who we are, celebrating the other for who they are. Big learning for me!
I guess it would be a different world if we would tell each other more about our beauty.
Lets find out!
I too have had a turn around of a relationship with my mother since healing old hurts that I did not even realise that I had with the support of Universal Medicine and the healing techniques. To be able to see my mother for who she is and express and appreciate this is something that I adore. As you say the more I have been able to be intimate with myself the more I can be this with her and everyone.
Anonymous, I really enjoy coming back to this article, I find this really helpful, ‘I started to see much better how beautiful my mom truly is and that there is nothing wrong with her, NOTHING. It was all my issues and hurts I was projecting onto her.’ I have been aware lately of just how very lovely and sweet and playful my family are, I now see them for who they are and their amazing qualities and I feel very blessed to have them in my life. I am aware that in the past I held many judgments about my family members which stopped me clearly seeing their qualities. I am now able to enjoy being with them and connecting with them and this is very lovely. I come away from seeing my family feeling a deep love and appreciation for them, this is because I have let go of the judgments I had about myself and I now hold myself in love and appreciate my qualities and this directly affects how I am with others.
The more I have taken ‘myself out of the way’ (mind) and been present within my body, the more I can be open to accepting, appreciating and allowing the love with my mother to be felt and developed.
Opening up and expressing all we feel can at first feel difficult from the way we have lived but is is so freeing and beautiful to do so and take our conversations to a far deeper level and joy than we can ever imagine . A beautiful sharing and deeply acknowledging of the relationship of mother and daughter to be truly allowed and treasured if we can..
What I really feel from reading this today is to be open to all and meet every moment fresh without old pictures and habits pervading what there is to learn and enjoy.
I was very touched reading this blog. I became more present, wanting to feel everything that was being shared in such a genuine and honest way. The relationship between mother and daughter is one of our most significant female relationships and most likely sets the tone for all our relationships, ourselves as women and with other women. If healing can occur here, what a profound ripple effect this can have.
Dear Anonymous. Thank you for this gorgeous sharing. It is awesome how you felt and have written about the direct openness you felt in your relationship after the Universal Medicine healing course. Very cute that your mum and you are far more playful and have a deeper connection. Just goes to show the magic that takes place when we let go.
To read here about a woman making the changes to turn her life around is so inspiring, and shows that there is way more available to us as women.
Because in society today there can be a lot of pressure to live up to certain images telling us how we should be, and then there is the pain of the crushing reality when we realise that we have not or can not achieve those set goals imposed upon us. And so, no wonder the relationships we have with each other as women, both in the family and out in the world can become strained, because with all that pressure, our relationships with ourselves can become very strained. And, the fact is that there is very little true support for us to learn how to be deeply self-nurturing and how to extend this sense of care out in to our relationships.
I find it’s easy to continue to treat my Mum like a Mum even through I’m well into my forties. Our relationship has blossomed in many ways and feels amazing when we treat each other as equals instead of falling into the roles of mother and daughter. It means taking responsibility for ourselves and then meeting each other with respect and holding this while noticing any old patterns that want to come in. It is well worth the effort. The true love that is available is immense.
Anonymous, I love coming back to this article, I find it very supportive for my relationship with my mum, this is gorgeous to read, ‘Accepting her as a very beautiful woman is at the same time accepting me as the very beautiful woman I am. Loving her is Loving me’, I can feel that as I have accepted myself more that I have also accepted my mum more.
This blog is relevant for us all because the fact of the matter is that we could all open up more to our mother, father, brother, sister, children, husband, wife, lover, work colleagues, people who serve us in shops etc. The world is full of people who long to be connected with; it is only us who restrict that connection through a need to protect ourselves from getting hurt.
I have heard Serge Benhayon share how we don’t “own” our children and reading this it strikes me that is it the same with our parents, partners and everyone else. Everyone is a person responsible for themselves and their actions regardless of their relationship to us. Yes children need a certain special level of care until they are of a certain age, and people with disabilities may need support in other areas. However very often we would not judge and speak to and about other people as we do with our relatives, and we seem to put a lot of demands on them instead of respecting each other as fellow human beings on our personal path of evolution.
It is so easy to blame those closest to us for whatever we believe is wrong about life or a particular situation. But we are where we are as a result of the choices WE have made, and our subsequent reactions to them. This is not to say there aren’t times where it is 100% appropriate to address an issue with another but our responsibility for our approach to life lies first and foremost with ourselves.
Over recent years my relationships have deepened with my parents and I can appreciate so much more of who they are and being more loving in myself has allowed us to have more love in our relationship also.
I can feel how I have got an image of how I want my relationship with my mother to be, or any other relationship for that matter, and I really get it’s not about that at all.
What a tangled mess of difficulty relationships can seem. And how enticing it can be to try to unlock all the difficulties we perceive but what I hear in your sharing Anonymous is that in fact this is actually not needed at all. Us just choosing Love changes it all. This quality of care – joy and stillness offers the space for the old ways to dissipate.
Anonymous, this really stands out for me on reading your article this time, ‘she opens up more and more because she has been seen for being herself, which she loves. I enjoy so very much loving her. I can feel she doesn’t need to protect herself from me anymore’, it is very interesting to feel that if we are open and loving with others that this allows them to be more of their true selves and it makes sense that if we hold others in judgment then this will not allow that same openness in people, so loving ourselves and another without judgment feels key.
How beautiful, I have a similar relationship with my mum. When I was younger, I used to get really annoyed at her, there was a period in my life when I used to blame my mother for all of my insecurities because “she didn’t raise me right” or because “she inflicted her insecurities on me” which is 100% not the case. My mum is such a beautiful woman, and this is the first time I have ever realised that. Thank you for sharing your experience.
How beautiful, I have a similar relationship with my mum. When I was younger, I used to get really annoyed at her, there was a period in my life when I used to blame my mother for all of my insecurities because “she didn’t raise me right” or because “she inflicted her insecurities on me” which is 100% not the case. My mum is such a beautiful woman, and this is the first time I have ever realised that. Thank you for sharing your experience <3
Thank you Anonymous for bringing an honesty about your relationship with you mum. I can relate to what you have shared in that, I have always said I have a great relationship with my mum and I do, but they are always growing and evolving and I can feel there is another level I can go to with my mum after reading this.
Blame and resentment are easy to get into a groove with and with them we can (un)comfortably avoid responsibility. Love and understanding are always, always there, waiting on the sideline for us to connect back to them. That is the beginning of true responsibility.
Perfectly expressed. Very very true.
The Ageless Wisdom gives us the tools to understand that any distance between us is a lack of connection to the wells of love that are eternally within us and can any moment be accessed.
I have recently opened up to my mum and this is something I was hesitant about doing in the past because I saw her as a mum who I don’t tell things to rather than a person, a friend, someone equal who I love deeply. And I love what is shared here about having the space to allow love – when in the past I saw love as a smothering.
I heard someone talk recently about how there was no need for us to be defined by a hurt we carry, we can choose to move past it at any time. In respect to such a comment I can really feel how much that allows me to just get on with being loving with anyone, and particularly with family members, where such hurts have so often arisen but actually need not be there, no longer a definition of how I choose to behave and play out my personality.
That’s so amazing and so true. If you think about it, it’s super simple and easy to do!
There is so much healing that can take place from bringing more understanding to our parents.
This is the real story about Universal Medicine, families and relationships. Serge Benhayon presents only love and understanding for all and this blog perfectly demonstrates the miracles that are possible when what Serge presents is lived. Beautifully expressed Anonymous.
I am truly blessed to have such a close and deep relationship with my mum
Within we are all so sweet and as you say they is nothing wrong with us, we have all just accumulated some hurts, protection and habits along the way. If we choose to look beyond these, a feel the essence of a person. there is sweetness, love and divine shine. It is lovely what you share about opening up an not holding back with your Mum. Many of us spend our lives blaming others for hurts that only occurred because we did not meet each other from the love that we truly are. There can be no blame for this, but rather a developed understanding, this absolutely heals.
I have observed that when I make changes, others then change the way they are around me. For example when I allow myself to be vulnerable it says to others you can be vulnerable too. The changes I have made have led to huge changes in my relationships.
Ah yes Anonymous, we think our hurts and prejudices are hidden from view but the fact is we impose them onto every relationship we have and person we meet. Like a big smelly monster we take with us everywhere that we go, no wonder, it really is a big relief to let this go and accept other people without perfection for the beauty they bring, because they may have their own monster pals too. And after all this perfection ideal affects our view of ourselves too. If we can naturally learn and do our true best to see through the things that aren’t true and show an open heart to those that we meet, then we won’t be able to help but flower.
I have done the blaming others thing many a time. I have seen that when we make our issues about other people, we disempower ourselves; we are at their mercy, however when we turn the spotlight lovingly on ourselves, there is much that we can change.
Thanks for writing this anon – my relationship with my mom has been a bit different in that I feel I have always been super up front and honest with her which has often resulted in her shutting down and lying to me as standard. This has created huge frustration in me to the point that we can barely spend time together before that frustration and resentment arises… I know she did the best she could based on her parents and on the awareness she had and now has and that all of this is designed to teach me to accept others, with all their imperfections but for some reason something huge appears to be getting in the way. I can relate so much to holding back in hugs etc and so so wish for a truly loving, open honest and real relationship with my mom but just can’t see how to get there. I feel there’s a part of me that is resisting – a bit like if I up my game and perhaps accept her for who she truly is and not the behaviour she acts out, then it’ll highlight how unaccepting I have been for the rest of my life and it’s almost like I’ll have to admit that, so its easier to just keep on blaming her instead. But obviously living that feels terrible. So thank you there’s much to ponder on here regarding how I can take responsibility for this situation to love me and my mom.
“I give her the space now to love me”….be healing the hurts inside of you, there is more space. Allowing your Mum to be who she is and celebrating her essence, there is more space. Bringing down the walls of protection, allows space for love.
This blog is a great reminder to me that when we hold others to blame for our hurts we can get stuck in the emotional reactions of judgement and resentment which only delays us from taking a deeper responsibility for living our true selves.
So often we see people through the filter of our own hurts and then project these onto them. Once we see this and are able to openly share with another we see how sensitive and sweet they naturally are and they feel able to open up to a more intimate connection because they feel held and not judged by us.
‘ I can feel she doesn’t need to protect herself from me anymore.’ This is a telling statement both from the point of how vulnerable and protective we can feel and from the point of dropping the protection in the face of true love!
A beautiful sharing Anonymous. I was very fortunate to have a close relationship with my Mum, I
miss her still after 22years, but even so I would say we could have deepened that relationship even more since connecting to the way of the livingness and Serge Benhayons teachings of the Ancient Wisdom.
Thank you for sharing 🙂
A beautiful honest and deeply loving and inspiring blog to read thank you for sharing this so simply how we can open up and build love in our lives by communicating all we feel and allowing others to simply be who they are.
I find it interesting how we can feel in an instant during a hug, if the other is not quite melting into it or if we are not quite melting into it…This for me is a very tell tale sign of what I call holding back…In other words we have allowed a level of rigidity to creep in and we are not fully letting ourselves be seen and felt, or we are feeling another not feeling safe or ok to do like wise…Such simple observations that can tell us so much!
When I feel hurt by a situation a tension builds within me and I either give into that tension and react or slow down and respond with the love that can heal the hurt because I did not react. The tension and the hurt are always going to be with me; it is up to me not to react but live the love from my inner-most to the best of my ability.
Deeply beautiful blog, not just because it is the opening up of a loving relationship between daughter and mother, but because it lays the foundation for how we can be with eachother in all instances – seeing behind the veils of protection and choosing instead to make genuine connections.
Perhaps the blame so many people have towards their parents is what is behind strained parental relationships. Couple that with expectation and you have a toxic mix that makes connection and any true relationship very challenging. Drop all of that and it might just be we discover our parents aren’t so bad after all.
Anon, this blog is really lovely – the love you have for your mother is tangible in every word you write. An inspiring read on very positive changes in relationships.
When we meet a stranger we are more likely to be transparent open and honest as we have no pictures, we can be ourselves as we are not attached to the outcome nor do we have any investment, this clearly shows that we are carrying baggage and pictures when we cannot be ourselves with the same transparent, open and honest approach with close family and friends. Anonymous you have gives us a beautiful example of the very reason we feel seperation, and it’s up to us to shift it.
I’m just realising how deeply we hold people to ransom, storing up old hurts and memories and then using that against them, never letting the relationship free of the old pictures. Clear these, or see through the filters and all that’s there within us all is our essence and the love we are.
My mum loves me dearly too, but not in the way I wanted to or needed her to, or the pictures in my head, this stopped me seeing how much my mum deeply loves and cares about me.
That’s the definition of evolution, to heal hurts that get in the way of deepening relationships.
I so loved reading this blog again…it is very touching, and there is such a sweetness in how you describe your relationship with your mum. Very lovely, thank you.
Anonymous, it’s gorgeous to re-read your blog, I love this, ‘Accepting her as a very beautiful woman is at the same time accepting me as the very beautiful woman I am’, I can feel how true this is, as I cherish and appreciate myself more I have noticed how I now cherish and appreciate others more too.
The issues you describe are rarely talked of openly and honestly in our relationships yet ironically our relationships are generally loaded with them. And while these remain unhealed the ability to have deep, open and true conversations and interactions with one another can be greatly inhibited.
This type of experience is happening so much at the moment for me. In that I can see how my hurts get in the way and actually cloud the relationships before me. And holding onto these hurts is clouding the relationship with myself! Because it’s one thing to be able to say ‘It’s not them, it’s my choices that have hurt me’ but without connecting to who I truly am this can be used as a self-bashing exercise that doesn’t support healing. Coming back to read this I am reminded that yes the protection is there from my own hurts, and my choices but those choices did not stem from who I truly am.
I love what you are describing here about giving people the space to love us. This is beautiful because then there is no demand, just an offering from us to another. They have a choice as to what to do with that offering.
A difficult relationship with a member of the family can be so daunting, every day realising that you don’t have the relationship you would like a person that you love so dearly. Yet a simple connection with them every day, a realisation of the judgements, the ideals and beliefs that we hold almost without thinking against them, the frustration that can build up through repeated behaviours. All these can build up and create the tension (usually sugar coated with nice to keep the day to day peace), and yet a simple connection with the other when we get over all that stuff quickly builds into a appreciation of everything they do bring.
Anonymous, your article is so relateable to me and my relationship with my own mother. It is very inspiring to read how by opening your own heart and dealing with your own hurts, allowed you to open you heart towards your mom. I am beginning to realise more and more that it is no good keeping things to yourself, because they can fester in your body for years and lead to bitterness and resentment, and all for nothing, because if you express honestly about how you are feeling then this allows others to express too, and this goes for all relationships. I am spending more time with my mother lately and am truly beginning to appreciate her for who she is as a woman and not just for what she does, or doesn’t do for me as a mother.
Expressed powerfully anonymous: when we connect to and heal childhood hurts we become more accepting of ourselves and all others and bring healing to all relationships.
It really does require just one person to change their way of relating in the relationship and so much growth and beauty can unfold.
Simply put MW, but so, so true. But first (in my case) I have to let go of my ‘hurts’ that aren’t really hurts at all, but excuses to not move on in the relationship, therefore all relationships, choosing instead to continue to pretend everything is okay.
Makes one ponder on how much junk do we have in between ourselves and others that keeps us from truly seeing the amazing person that stands in front of us…
Today I was with my mum and I could feel there was a bit of tension between us, in the past I would have reacted to it and made it worse but these days I feel it and after I have felt it and accepted it it usually disperses very soon. This is what happened today it was like a cloud had lifted from us both and we were left with just love between us.
This photo beautifully sums up the blog, our relationships are like a flower, If we tend to them gently and consistently they grow and bloom of their own accord.
This is a wonderful blog, not only for the openness and the honesty that it shares, but also because it gives everyone who reads it the opportunity to also be so open and honest and to share our experiences with our mothers.
This blog shows the depth of quality that relationships can naturally go to once we start to understand and dislodge the hurts that we’ve erroneously projected onto others over the years.
This is an inspirational read, and highlights the importance of healing our hurts, ‘It was all my issues and hurts I was projecting onto her.’
No matter how concrete our difficulties with others might appear, the simple fact is so much flows and stems from our own insecurity. The more we see through these pictures of past hurts and know they needn’t affect us today, the more we discover other people change in a dramatic way. Letting go of these images we hold about how we think life should be is hugely healing for us and everyone in this world. Bravo Anonymous!
This is deeply healing and beautiful to read anonymous, your blog reminds me that letting go of any hurts we are holding onto allows us to truly heal and deepen our relationship with anyone – a powerful reminder for us all.
This is truly inspiring Anonymous, I am deeply touched by your honesty and willingness to let go of hurts and open up to a greater level of love with your mum, amazing the miracles when we see another for the true beauty of who they are!
What you say about allowing space for others to love us is amazing. I can get the sense in my relationships. When I still have residual issues, protections, hurts, this gets in the way of being connected and allowing others in. Amazing to feel and allow space for others to love, in doing so we can only also allow it in ourselves.
To love and accept another for where they are at and where they choose to be is what builds quality connection and no need for ideals or beliefs about specific adults and their family roles.
” However, I could feel how much I was still holding back towards my mom. ” I only realized lately how much I am holding back from family members and on the other handside is there to appreciate.
It is so important that we are open in relationships. And often relationships with parents can have issues within them that are unresolved, from when we grow up. Understanding that they all have done the best they could in the situation, allows us to let them in and begin to really feel their true qualities and not the pictures we have had of what a good parent is….and heal what has pasted.
The opportunity to deepen relationships and heal old hurts is always available and just subject to choice.
I also have been able to heal many of my relationships within my family due to the teachings of Serge Benhayon. He has shown me that when we choose to be love first and foremost in our daily lives, then the relationships we have are taken care of by this love, and essentially what we need to do is to allow it. So, even though it has actually been a very well engrained pattern of behaviour of mine to resist having loving relationships in my life – through the daily living of love with myself this has definitely been able to change.
Reading this makes me appreciate the relationship I have with my mum. She is quiet sick and so I have an opportunity to really appreciate each moment I have with her. And that appreciation comes with expressing to her in full when i am with her and not holding back. Yesterday when I saw her she was talking about how she didn’t feel she could be herself around some people, and I stopper her and reminded her that there are so many people who know her and feel her love and support, and that is where she is being the true her, not when she is having a go at people. She thanked me and said that she loves people and it was great to be pulled up. For me to express that was a huge release and I felt I had said all I needed to say in that moment. It shows me how the quality of the relationship far outweighs the length of it.
The joy and beauty of being met by true love and the opening up and feeling that for ourselves is something Serge Benhayon is reflecting to the world . Through his inspiration we are learning to open up and be the true love we are and hence with others also and as you share here so beautifully it changes the quality of our relationships and allows the love to be our lives also.Healing our hurts espcially with our parents is inspirational and a joy for everyone . Thank you for your beautiful sharing about your mum and you and living lovingly.
It is very beautiful when we reach a place where we can feel the love our parents have for us and as I expressed to my mother a while ago that I could feel that my Dad and her loved me dearly she simply confirmed it to be true but… it doesn’t end there as there is always more…
It is protection that hurts the most, opening up brings only a beauty, and a rawness to the connection with people. It is true, when we choose to love ourselves dearly, feeling all that we are.
Sometimes we put a picture on someone that’s very wrong, perhaps they behave in a certain way one (or more) times, and we forget that person has the same strength, the same love, the same wisdom, the same cuteness and funniness, and as soon as we let go of that picture, or hurt, we can see all their magnificent qualities again.
‘I healed some very deep hurts from the past, which have been held and hidden in my body.’ ‘Hurts’ we hold inside will pollute our every interaction, without us even realising it is us causing the pollution – until we are willing to see through the smog and clear it at the source.
Yes Kylie, unless we are willing to deal with the issue at its root cause then the same ill behaviour will simply keep repeating itself. It is not about will or mind power but the willingness to be truly honest about what is going on and how we are feeling in the body. A commitment to love is key.
I think a lot of us have this relationship with our mums. We may be ‘nice’ and friendly but energetically keep them at arms length. It is easy to carry hurts from our childhood instead of dealing with them and realising our part in them. It is much easier to blame than take responsibility and I have certainly been guilty of this. What has helped me stop when I go into blame is realising that what hurts me is something I have already done to another, in this life or a previous one. This gets me off my moral ‘high horse’ and re-connects me to love and people again.
Thank you Fiona, this is very humbling and very inspiring.
It must be quite hard being a parent and copping all the blame children can throw at you. When we take responsibility for our own stuff and our choices things open up and the relationship has breathing space.
I love this. The power of Love is alive and well. I too have had a huge shift in my relationship with my mother. This came about when I sent her a very honest email taking responsibility for having treated her badly when I was young. In the email I expressed that no-one deserves to be treated the way I did her, and this is not the way I am today. Today I live loving me and from this love everyone equally the same. From this point she began to trust me again, trust that I wouldn’t hurt her the way I had in the past, and this has allowed us the space to heal so much that was sitting between us, and not through talking about it either. It has come from her seeing and feeling how different I am and welcoming this. It has been extraordinarily healing for us all – my whole family. I don’t resent her anymore, nor blame her for anything. Our relationship is clear, because I see her for the amazing person that she is and appreciate so much about her, and how she handled me as a child. I know that she absolutely knew who I was to my very core.
When we come from protection then we only allow parts of us in our relationships and that feels not right at all and in that we have always the idea that it is them and rarely we think it is also in us. This blog makes clear to me that it is all about me, of letting go the protection and in that allowing the other to also let go and share more of who they truly are. Deepening relationships in this way is letting in the love that we all are and equally carry within our hearts. In this development we for sure will encounter some emerging old hurts but they can be easily observed and let go off because they in fact do not matter but where only ways to dull our connection with the all, the universe and with God.
I love this paragraph: “As I shared ALL the stories I had been keeping from my mom I started to see much better how beautiful my mom truly is and that there is nothing wrong with her, NOTHING. It was all my issues and hurts I was projecting onto her.” There’s nothing wrong with anybody, only the way we approach them and our own problems we create, even the most troublesome relationship can be masking the most amazing relationship ever.
Anonymous, I absolutely love reading your article, its is very supportive in deepening my appreciation of my mum. This stands out for me this time, ‘now I have started to see how great she is, she opens up more and more because she has been seen for being herself, which she loves’, I can feel how this can relate to anyone and that if we judge people we keep them small and do not give them the space and encouragement for them to live their full potential.
That is what we do Rebecca, when we come from protection we give clear signs to the other person that we do not want to be engaged in their joy and love but choose to stay where we are. In fact we say ‘ I do not want to evolve’ as that is the potential relationships have.
Because of hurts, the reactions of my parents and their behaviours I did not let them come truly close to me and often missed the fact that they were loving me deeply. I only learn this now more and more, which is deeply healing.
For much of my life my mum and I had a strained relationship. In recent years I have dropped expectations on her and ideals I had around how a parent should act. It is almost miraculous how things changed when I did that. We are a lot closer know and my mum has the space to be herself around me without me imposing my beliefs on her. I used to blame her for it all but I can now see it was really me all along who was the one confining our relationship.
Having a truthful and loving relationship with our mothers is just one of many that we can bring honesty, understanding and love to. I know for me, bringing truth and honesty is super important and has been an unfolding over time with my Mum. The more transparent I have become, the more my Mum has become more transparent with me, which has been really wonderful.
‘It was all my issues and hurts I was projecting onto her.’ Letting go of judgement towards others is so deeply healing, and empowering when we realise that we hold the key to the quality of our relationships.
When we love and forgive ourselves we improve our relationships with others no end. Loving another always first begins with feeling the love already inside ourselves.
It seems strange that we can shut out those who are closest to us or alternatively blame them for the hurts we have not been able to deal with and are still carrying with us.
There is such a preciousness you share here in this article – for the relationship between mother and daughter is a personification of how all our relationships ought to be so pure. And yet, they are not – and most relationships between mothers and daughters have a block to deepen and truly let love in.
Is this perhaps why we lament the death of another perhaps and carry unresolved grief throughout our days…? Is it because we have not let ourselves love in full and express that love without any inhibition, any holding back.
I have no doubt the establishing a deeper loving open and honest relationship between mother and daughter has a ripple effect that extends to having true foundations in relationship between all women… less competition, less comparison and less judgment. The trust and love we find in one woman, opens the door to have the same quality in all other woman-woman interactions.
“It was like they always pressed the right buttons through their behaviour, which triggered old hurts within me.” what is amazing is that we harbour these so deeply and so stubbornly in some cases. Healing these hurts frees you to be yourself in all your relationships.
So often we manage to shift our frustrations and blame our parents and others for our own ‘shortcomings’ in life. Opening and truly sharing dissolves all of that, and bring gorgeous understanding. As we can never know what it is to walk in another’s shoes.
‘I give her the space now to love me’ I love the honesty of this and how true it is that so often we lament the nature of our relationships with others when it is us that are holding back.
The issues we create are like bricks in a horribly hard wall that sit in place between us all. The saddest part is you can’t have this barrier – but if it exists it affects everything and everybody. Thank you anonymous for showing the simple and amazing way we can still choose to dismantle the barriers starting today, just by expressing and saying ‘hey this is a feeling or sensation’ I had. Bottling these things up leaves us poisoned like drinking 100 beers. Your words are very inspiring to stop this habit and go ‘cold turkey’.
I find that when I am feeling happy in myself due to claiming what I know to be true for me in my life I am naturally more open with my Mum. When I am not feeling happy in myself because I know I am not living what I know to be true I find that my relationship with my Mum gets rocky. The anger that I hold towards myself leaks out when I am with her and it gets in the way of the beautiful connection that we know we can otherwise have. Relationships really do start with our relationship with ourselves. The way we relate to others is directly affected by how we feel internally.
Mothers or Mums are so great because of the reflection they show us in towards our own evolution – how they are themselves can either inspire the same in us, or inspire a change in us in a different and at times opposite direction… and whichever way we go, is exactly the way we need to go.
This is a testimony to the fact that relationships can always develop, change and grow; that we should never be complacent with them or take anything for granted. I know that the attention I give to relationships feeds me back endlessly and has me inspired by the learning on offer.
This is a great comment Willem, because you have made relationships between parents and children to be about evolution, when life together can sometimes feel like it is only about just getting through the day in one piece, you have brought a greater purpose to our lives with our parents and our children.
I too have been someone who always said, ‘yeah, I have a great relationship with my Mum’, but it wasn’t until I began to deepen my relationship with myself, that I realised how much of a role we still played with each other. How much I still called to download, or the quality of our discussions were about me imposing my ideals and beliefs onto her or the situation. It took me, stepping back for a while to reassess this and connect with her on a different level, making it about connection first and foremost. Our relationship feels very different now, still evolving, but definitely different.
I had many issues with my mother growing up. The more I have healed around this I realise how much love I felt for her. I can see that she got caught up in the many roles we as women can so easily lose ourselves in.
Amazing to hear how through connecting with your mum and opening up conversations you were able to see and meet her for who she truly is without the attachments and hurts of your mother/daughter relationship. How powerful are these moments of connection – and how long we resist them through a screen of hurts.
‘I give her the space now to love me.’ Beautiful Anonymous and I am sure this has an effect on all your relationships. And I was pondering about your sharing having an arrogance that she was less in a way, Looking back at me and my mom but also other relationships I can relate to that, making people less or the opposite is always causing a safe distance, we avoid opening up and protect ourselves to get hurt. What we don’t want to see is that we all get hurt by judging and comparing in relationships. When we open up and allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we can grow and can let go hurts and judgements.
I have been very blessed to have shared so far a very close relationship with my mum. I recall as a teenager, feeling strongly that she was my mum, but that she was also a very good friend, and so one day when I was about 14 years old, I asked her if I could call her by her first name (instead of mum). She embraced this fully and it allowed our relationship to deepen in a different way. I still have a cherished relationship with her, but I often get to feel how much deeper I can take it with her, and for that matter with myself and everyone else, and so it has made me realise that no matter how much we love someone and cherish them, we can open up to more love and more cherishing if we just surrender to it and allow it to unfold.
This is so beautiful to read and feel the depth of love shared and is very touching. Having such a loving relationship with your mother comes from a deep commitment to open up and heal your self and accept everyone for who they are lovingly. A very inspiring blog thank you .
I always felt close to my Mother, we had a similar outlook on many of the important issues in life. In her last years we shared much about life and death and what happens at that time. When she passed I felt the joy of this release and even though I will always miss her I know she is fine. I admire your journey and the fact that your love grew with hers, giving you both a beautiful connection to remember each other by.
I grew up blaming my Mum for everything and thought I hated her. I came to respect her later in life but never felt any deep love for her. She loved us in practical ways, by making sure we were well educated and had a good house to live in. She also supported our own children, her grandchildren, financially, with paying back University loans. The money she left us in inheritance has been of great support to my life now and I realise that the hate and disrespect was of my own making, it was all within me. Even now I find myself saying things like ‘I hate people who…’ and it’s not true. I have no need to hate anybody or anything, but old habits of language are cementing that emotion. Learning to appreciate and express that appreciation are key to changing my relationship with my mother, even though she has passed on.
How deeply touching, that you were honest enough with yourself that you were holding onto things within you that you needed to clear and heal, so that you could be open to your Mum. Then to share all that you did and your relationship to truly change is very inspirational.
My relationship with my Mom had changed over the years when I stopped seeing her as my mother and just a loving woman just like me.
When we hold on to our hurts it clouds our connection with people. When we let go of our hurts we realise everyone we meet are equally loving and beautiful as we are. It is amazing how much deeper we can connect with people when we are coming from a place of love.
Opening up to our mothers is important, it is important for them to see the person that you are in adult form, because this gives permission for the relationship to go deeper, to go beyond the parent-child paradigm and in to something far more profound and enriching.
Blaming our mothers for everything is the ultimate cop out, the ultimate side-stepping of our responsibility to love ourselves, make loving choices and to reflect love to all others.
Anonymous, I can feel how in life it is common for us to judge and be critical of each other, what you have shared here is really lovely and feels very true, ‘I started to see much better how beautiful my mom truly is and that there is nothing wrong with her, NOTHING. It was all my issues and hurts I was projecting onto her.’
I know this experience to open up to someone more – also to my mum, but also to others – and found myself surprised what we are talking about, how deep the conversation did went. I had to face that I had a picture of how far this relationship can go and also that I did support this picture to become truth. So I did limit and control the relationship. By opening up I prepared myself for taking everything that will happen without a picture of the outcome and it led me always to a greater in one or other way.
It s very inspiring to read about the connection between a mother and daughter that is deeply loving and very truthful without the baggage of the old hurts and disappointments dragging it down or being given any space.
It’s so lovely when our relationships with the people we love evolve, it’s as if we see something about the person that we haven’t seen before and life is so much richer knowing that there is depth beyond what we are used to.
This is beautiful to read and makes me ponder on how my realtionship with my mother could have been different if she were still alive. Although our realtionship was quite affectionate, we were never really honest with each other, and there always came a point where I could feel we both got uncomfortable when discussing certain things. This is something that I am exploring now with my own daughter, and the more we open up to each other the more our relationship deepens which feels very lovely.
Healing (resolving) one’s hurts we no longer need walls of protection to protect ourselves from feeling the hurts but have instead to have the space and freedom to see and feel another for who they truly are – in their essence, love.
It’s so easy to blame ur parents for the choices we have made. I know that I have blamed my parents so many times for doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing, or raising me the wrong way. However, my parents did their best with what they knew. They are also hurt and if they start blaming their parents, who will then blame their parents, who will then blame their parents (I think you get the gist), we would never reach a solution…The solution is for us to take responsibility for our choices in our lives and move on from what’s happened in our past.
There was a very important learning for me in the way my mother treated me. She has passed away almost 20 years ago so no such opening up is possible but I can resolve the relationship within myself and be free of whatever memory there has been as you wrote so very well.
Anonymous, I love coming back to this article, it is so beautiful and deeply inspiring, It supports me to open up more with my mum and to deepen our relationship together, thank you.
It can be so easy to blame those around us for what is happening in our life, and who better than our Mums as they are closest to us when we are growing up. When we choose to come from love it is impossible to blame anyone and this is the foundation with which we can re-build a true relationship, one that is without blame and is caring and supportive. I loved this line Anon, allowing space is a great healer.”I give her the space now to love me. In truly loving her, I find the truth of feeling at that moment, the exact same love towards myself. “
There are many women or men that would probably be able to feel the truth that has been writen here and how this relates to many of us in life and our relationships. And how we when we allow ourselves to drop into ourselves and feel , we instantly can let go of old things that sit in the way of continuing that love being lived from inside out. Hence the hurts we need to clear from the past, like this blog is so beautiful sharing. Life is about re-connecting to what we know is true, nothing new , nothing old. Its lived in the present , it is lived now.
I love that you no longer hold any grievances about your past with your mother and can embrace her as the woman you know her to be which allows her to re-connect to herself .
In order to open up to another we must first open up to ourselves, there’s no other way round it.
When we develop our own relationship with ourselves through self care and self love, it seems that we are more able to recognise and embrace the female woman energy that our mother, an elder woman naturally has. And when together, a mother and daughter can see and feel this quality (energy) reflected in each other, which then has has the capacity to feel like a celebration and an expansion of these qualities for both women – delicateness, nurturing, loving, still and powerful – Its a wonderful opportunity to accept, embrace and confirm this quality of the woman energy within their own body.
I feel the lovely appreciation for your mom for the person she truly is and not the label of a mother that comes with a whole set of images and beliefs about what a mother should be.
That is a great point Sandra “not the label of a mother that comes with a whole set of images and beliefs about what a mother should be.” There are so many ideals and beliefs about how to be with your mother in the world. From a teenager not wanting anything to do with their mums, middle aged people going and visiting their mums as a duty or the mum that is super caring and not thinks of herself… Instead of just being two people together.
Life is about relationships and at anytime you feel bored in the day, think and consider the people in your life you will surely be inspired if you connect to the feeling of commonality.
My mother continues to astound me with her incredible strength and wisdom. I don’t know where she pulls it from, but there is this deep knowing of what love is, what humanity is here to do, and why we are with each other. I feel truly blessed to have her in my life and for the power that she has shown me is possible to live with everyday.
Thats such a beautiful sharing and it’s amazing to see you appreciate your mother so deeply.
I know that I have often judged the love from my parents as not being good enough or not living up to my expectations. But the truth is that they, like me, are just trying to figure life out as best they can. In these cases it is so important to suspend judgement of others and allow our parents to be the imperfect people that they are, and love them nonetheless.
Thank you for sharing, it’s never to late to rebuild our relationships with our mothers, they too have the same beauty in them as we have in us. When we can feel that in us we can feel it in them too. Giving them the space to express is such a blessing for them to truly connect to their love with in.
It is amazing how when we let go of our hurts we can see the other person clearer, and all the nonsense that gets in the way.
That’s so very true! Our hurts provide this distorted view of the world, people around us, and ourselves. Once we begin to heal we can truly begin to see!
This is so touching, I can relate very much. I have a gorgeous mother, so deeply caring and beautiful in so many ways. I have been holding back with her and my whole family in arrogance and huge protection. However, the issues we have with people is never because of them, but because of the way we are choosing to not evolve.
What a beautiful experience, to feel this depth of connection with one’s own parents… our relationships with our parents is so often a maelstrom of old hurts and unexpressed feelings that when this connection is made it needs to be written about …. Opening the possibility for others.
‘ I decided to express about subjects that before I was shy to talk about as I was not sure if my mom wanted to talk about them. I spoke with a lot of openness in my heart; I could feel there was a holding of love. To my surprise we talked long about things relating to women and deepened our connection by expressing both how we saw life, and how we experienced life as women.’ Very beautiful Anonymous. Opening to such level brings out the wisdom and we can share our life experiences and learn from each other.
When I open to Glorious Music and be open to what is being played magic can happen as you have shared A.
It is true that we can leave no space for others to love us when we wrap ourselves in protection and our hurts. To drop our judgments means that we can meet another as an equal and allow them to be.
This blog just goes to show that if someone is prepared to break the protection game and ‘make the first move’ in a relationship towards greater openness, honesty and intimacy, then magic and miracles can happen.
When we begin to drop the pictures of what love looks like and what love looks like in familial situations, we start to experience what love really means. I have found that not having an expectation of how my parents should love me gives me a clarity that they do love me in the ways they know how and that has to be appreciated. I came to this understanding when I started to drop the strong picture of supremacy that parents and elders carry and accepted by children and the younger generation, and begin to relate as equals with my parents.
“In truly loving her, I find the truth of feeling at that moment, the exact same love towards myself.” Even though we may think we are protecting ourselves when we hold a grudge towards someone, actually we are hurting ourselves too. When we work on relationships with others that feel a bit tensed and uncomfortable and they evolve into loving relationships this also stops that tension which is a very healing thing to do for ourselves. What a great reminder.
“I can feel she loves me deeply”
Thats what I found out for myself even if my parents did not always behave lovingly, they loved me dearly. A very healing revelation.
I love how your relationship with your mom has grown as you have allowed yourself to open up and embrace what was possible, and with expressing honestly and openly how deep your connection has become with each other. Our mothers reflect everything to us, and blaming them just stops any intimacy from forming, I speak from my own experience and am developing my relationship with my own mother, beginning to see her as a woman in her own right, and not just my mother.
“Loving her is loving me”. This says it all really as it always starts from how we feel about ourselves and then we can truly be there for another. I love my relationship with my mum and I see her gorgeousness even though she does not see that for herself!
This is beautiful and inspiring how you let go of your hurts and judgements and returned to being loving, thank you for sharing.
This is very beautiful anonymous: “Basically my heart was more open to her…”
Our capacity to love another is all about this – opening our hearts and embracing all that another presents to us in our lives. That you honoured your own awareness of holding back, feeling frustrations and the like, and went deeper in yourself, is everything anonymous – it is how we return to being truly loving with each other, through taking responsibility for our side of the equation. Thank-you for such an awesome sharing, that no doubt, many can relate to.
Our relationship with our mothers forms a cornerstone for our lives – the woman who carries us in the womb, who births us, bathes our tender baby and young bodies, feeds and nurtures us… she is an indelible influence, one that we know to the bone.
To come to such a deep opening of the heart and acceptance of our mother for the woman she is – with all her apparent blessings, ‘faults’ and all, is to come to a deep place of healing, without a doubt. It opens the way for our relationship with ourselves to be far more delicate, honouring and tender, when we hold such acceptance and cherishing of this woman in our hearts, and see her true beauty. However she may be living, whether it is in ‘agreement’ with our own choices in life, matters not. There is a true beauty there to connect to – as there is with all. And to come to this, and hold her in this – with no demand nor expectation upon her, shows us the key to all relationships, if we are but willing…
There really is no end to what is possible in relationship with another. As soon as we settle for ‘this is just how it is’ with another, and stop bringing greater depth to each meeting, we limit all that is possibly awaiting.
This is so true Kylie. For so long I have allowed many relationships to plateau and stagnate, not wanting to take them deeper for fear of intimacy. I now realise how limiting this is and does not expedite our evolution, so building a more intimate relationship with myself, allowing others in and being honest with things come up is definitely the way to go to deepen relationships. It is a conscious choice, and one we can all make if we choose.
Such a great comment thank you. We can limit ourselves so much with our believes of what is possible and what is not. If we let this go there is no limit to how deep and far our relationships can move to. I find that often just simply wondering in my mind if this is really it naturally brings things in motion the following days.
If we are essentially love yet are not fully claimed in that knowing and living it everyday, how can we not bear some reaction, judgement and bias towards others who are equally love but have not chosen that for their lives? We will feel it in their own attitudes, mannerisms and simply in their energy field from a very very young age. So we are all living in this one great ocean and all affecting each other. Perhaps the choice to be love is made harder by all this, but wow, feel when someone has claimed it and what a ripple affect it has, there becomes no doubt that this is the way to live. It makes the whole sense and purpose of what service means shine brightly out and also brings clarity that it does not depend on anyone else or on any qualification or age or gender or socioeconomic status. Being in the service of love is totally equalising.
Reading this blog reminds me of how much I too love my mum. It is such a beautiful feeling to appreciate another and to hold them so dearly in our hearts. Thank you Anonymous for this very precious reminder.
As you reclaimed the relationship to your Mom you allowed that to happen more likely for many many people around the world, because we are universal. Thanks Anonymous.
Letting go of the expectations we place on another creates the opportunity to re imprint our relationships with a foundation of true love.
We can always go deeper with relationships when we deepen the relationship with ourselves. I have learned through Universal Medicine that there is no evolution in letting relationships stagnate or plateau. I have been guilty in the past of allowing this myself, blaming others and not taking responsibility, wanting them to love me first, and when this didn’t happen, blaming them or thinking there was something wrong with me. Now I know that the more I love myself and deal with my hurts the more I can open up to others, and just like you anonymous, begin to build bridges to bringing my relationships back to true relationships, and that includes the one I have with myself.
This is so beautiful anonymous, and it shows us all how there can be great healing within relationships when we choose to let people in and express our truth from the heart.
So much can get lost in translation between the relationships we have with our parents. How healing indeed to open ourselves up and feel the depth of the love our parents have for us, regardless of how much of this has actually been expressed.
There is such a vast difference between getting on with someone, having a ‘good’ relationship with them and having a truly loving relationship. We are all where we are to learn whatever we need to learn so we can return back to the love we are. We cannot judge anyone for where they are at as we have all made bad choices. The key I find is to simply be ourselves and love without any conditions or images as to how it should or could be – then we get blown away by what we see!
Anonymous, what you are sharing here is so gorgeous, ‘It is such a healing to open up so much more with my mom. We are friends, we have become more and more intimate, and it is great to be with her’, I feel this with my mum too, I used to hold a lot of judgment with my family, but more and more as I let go of this judgment I see and feel how absolutley beautiful my family are, I now love seeing my mum, I don’t get irritated like I used to, I just love her and see her amazing qualities.
I love how you share- “there was nothing ever wrong with my mum”, just your hurts that made it seem so-how wise and brave of you to take this step forward. Its true, we can apply this in life everywhere- people are who they are, its what we needed them to be that makes it seem like we have been wronged.
this is so beautiful, how much do we cripple our relationships with people because of our own undealt with hurts. Learning and understanding that the responsibility comes with loving ourselves first and foremost, to heal that which we hold that taints our perception of the world and other people, and thus opening up truly to others, and we find the beauty and love that was in the other person all along only we had blinded ourselves to it.
So true Mary I also find myself getting caught in the merry-go-round of not developing “a more loving way to be with myself and then this can be felt by all”.
Both my parents have passed over and after reading this blog and the comments I can feel how opening up to expressing the truth in every interaction will not only be a benefit to me but also those with whom I am interacting with. Being caught up in blaming myself and others for my problems in life is nothing short of passing the buck because I now have an understanding of how I have a responsibility to choose love. Before I came to this understanding of life, life was all about placing blame! What a waste of energy this was, is it any wonder I was always feeling tired and exhausted.
For more on how to deal with exhaustion go to;
EXHAUSTION A MODERN DAY PLAGUE
What a beautiful and inspiring story anonymous. My mum is no longer around, but I can feel how beautiful it would have been to have had a relationship such as this with her. As long as we hold onto our hurts, we can not evolve, but if we are willing to accept that they are only there because we choose to create them, and that we can let them go at anytime, all our relationships would be very different.
I think sometimes we can be harder on our Moms than anyone else….it doesn’t make sense but it seems quite common. I know I have taken my mother for granted and not treated her with the true love and respect she deserves. I have always been very good friends with my Mom but my treatment of her, often reflects my relationship with myself, as she feels like she is a part of my body, not a separate person to me. It has been a good reflection to consider how I might need more respect for myself and self care in order to fully be able to love my Mom the way she deserves to be treated.
Goes to show that with understanding and acceptance of ourselves and others, that even the greatest divide can be healed, balance restored to relationships and Love expressed forth.
This is a beautiful offering of sharing the love we are by opening ourselves up and healing our child hood hurts . The true richness and glory of who we are can shine out and grow as you share here and this very precious relationship with your mother is a real reflection and inspiration for all relationships.
Great example of when we love another without any expectations or demands on them to be a certain way they find it easier to open up and love.
This is beautiful your honesty in being open to your mum and dealing with your own hurts and issues, and thought that you were able feel the beauty and love of your mum. Its crazy how we have these barriers inner lives and so are unable to feel the truth and so we walk around in protection. As we let go of the hurts and connect to our true connections and movements, we are able to feel others in their true essence.
We, the children, are holding hurts deep within our bodies and we are in relationships with our parents, who are also holding hurts deep within their bodies, it’s no wonder that our family time is often fraught with emotion.
I have learned so much from my mother – lessons that have run much deeper than I ever expected.
So true Abby I have learnt a lot about myself through my mother once I was willing to being open and honest with myself.
So many of us see our parents as ‘parents’, rather than people and this in itself is a problem because when we have a relationship with a title rather than a person then it is incredibly problematic because there is nothing to actually have a relationship with, other than a ‘job description’. Connection has to be person to person, it can’t be..’child with parent’, aka shop front to shop front…
Anonymous, on reading that you used to be ‘nice’ to your Mum, it reminded me of how ‘nice’ I used to be to people. There are few thicker walls than those built out of niceness.
It is astonishing how easily we can get irritated with people, like our mother for example. In the past I would have thought nothing of it but now this feels very imposing and arrogant even; what gives us the right to judge another for what they should or should not do and how to do it or best do it? And where does this originate, what is the hurt that we haven’t sufficiently healed yet?
I love the beautiful and simple way you went about changing your relationship with your Mom, Anonymous – the simplicity makes it feel so possible. It is inspiring to feel how much your relationship has changed and I will take this with me into other relationships – to just be me and express the deep love I feel, knowing that we are all deeply connected in our essence where we realise that we are all the same – or in your words “What I have come to discover in my own healing is that my mother loves me dearly too.”
Breaking down the walls of judgement and protection allows us to let another in and behold each other in our divine essence, no matter what the blood ties or not.
Being the one who is always willing to open up, in spite of previous hurts, is a totally fresh and expansive way to approach every interaction and relationship.
Thank you Anonymous for sharing a prevalent truth here… That we are responsible for our own life. So all the blame, shame, guilt and regret must at all times be healed as we can only move forward from our honesty. So that we can see how we have made certain choices in life that led it the way it now is, but that if we do not enjoy our way – we can equally change it too! Brilliant.. And how powerful to see that we can instantly grow our relationships with those close who we might have had in the past (enormous, average or small) issues with. From this blog we know that we can live from our inner-heart again and heal the past.
We can never underestimate the power of reflection and how we each inspire another to change, to grow and to express. Thank you to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for the wisdom and living truth that is presented and reflected, the students of the Way of the Livingness that do likewise and in this case to Caroline Raphael for her blog about her mum and now yours – each offering ongoing inspiration to many others to come.
How very beautiful. – ‘ I give her the space now to love me.’ I loved reading your blog Anonymous and can feel the great healing it inspires.
It’s a classic line, ‘everyone loves their Mum’ but how true do we hold this? I know in the past I have relied, expected, blamed, dumped and tested my Mum. This while claiming we were close. Over these past years I have worked on how I am with my Mum, at times specifically and at times indirectly. Mum and I chat often, not out of duty but because I trust her wisdom and welcome her insight. She is a great person to have a front row seat into what you are doing because she will always give her view. I value my mother for all she is and love her dearly and our relationship is very free from the things that use to tie it up. Now it’s just her and I together and ready to look deeper to the next part.
‘Recently we danced together to the music of Glorious Music, by Michael Benhayon. It was one of the most beautiful moments of my life. We were both initially shy, but we opened up to each other and looked each other in the eyes.’ – So beautiful, simple , raw and real – a joy to read.
When we have the walls up and hurl judgement at others, we are blocking the ability to otherwise feel the love that is always on offer. Protection doesn’t work, it hurts us the most because we are denying ourselves connection with others.
Beautiful Anonymous. My relationship with my mum is changing too. I am opening up to her and letting her in while expressing what I feel is true lovingly. I am not reacting to her like I used to; instead I have an understanding because of my choices to heal the hurts within me and therefore develop a more loving way of being.
When we speak truth all the apprehensions go away. At that chosen moment, we realise the truth of the other person and the fact that you both belong together.
Its almost funny how within families we are almost pre-programmed to press the biggest buttons we have (or all of them!). They have the potential to be perhaps our most telling and certainly our longest relationships… so to read about how they can change, grow, become a support and fulfil that potential is very heart warming.
I too have been able to heal a lot of my hurts and issues I had with my mum through Sacred Esoteric Healing and subsequently my relationship with her has improved and I stopped blaming her and allow her more into my heart, but there is always more for a relationship to deepen and your post is very inspiring to do so.
Its great having the realization, we always have the opportunity to re imprint relationships.
“I give her the space now to love me” – so poignant and true Anonymous, the loving of all of ourselves, from the acceptance of ourselves creates space and is not only the most beautiful thing, but also the most unifying too of another.
I am discovering there is an infinite well of love to keep bringing to relationship with myself and into relationships with all others.
‘I thought I was in a great relationship with my mom until I was reading the blog by Caroline Raphael I Not Only Love My Mum, I adore her…What a Revelation!’ Why is it that we see our relationship with our parents as different to our relationship with anyone else?
This is a very beautiful sharing, how our hurts and blame can get in the way of a very loving relationship with our mum. There are so many expectations that we put on our ‘mum’s.’ I too had to work on this and take full responsibility. As having a mum and being a mum, i have experienced both ends. But one thing that is very true, i love my daughter very deeply as i love my mum, I hold a deep acceptance of them both and can only because its deepening in me…as our connections become about true love not conditional love.
I love the honesty of your feelings towards your Mum and how enormously things can shift once we start to acknowledge and take responsibility for what we feel.
I am so inspired by this blog! I know there are still some hurts between my mum and I and that we can go deeper together. It is interesting to see how we tend to see steadiness, no arguments and connection as the ultimate goal in relationships and that if there is such in a relationship it is a really great relationship. And while it may be, there is so much more and I can feel this so clearly in your blog.
I love how you let go of the hurts that had been ruling your perception for decades and saw the love your mother actually was and how she had it all along. Its so easy for us to see the imperfections of our parents because they weren’t who we needed them to be, yet when we let go of that need within us, those parents are ok after all, and NOT the source of our projected pain.
It’s so easy to be irritated with our parents. I find that I can take things out on my Mum if I do not feel good about myself for whatever reason. If I find myself being short with her I know there is something in my life that I need to look at. When I am feeling good about myself I find that I can more easily open to her and embrace her for the person she is.
I have felt just how we play roles in our family relationships in a way that works for all family members for various reasons. In being more open and honest we are often stepping out of the role that we have developed and this poses a choice to our relations in how they choose to respond, they can embrace what is on offer or resist it.
We can learn so much from our parents, they do the best they can with the awareness they have at the time. Too often we can blame our folks for everything, when we take responsibility and drop the blame we open up to a relationship that is based on evolution rather then stagnation.
Anonymous, I love this, ‘I started to see much better how beautiful my mom truly is and that there is nothing wrong with her, NOTHING. It was all my issues and hurts I was projecting onto her.’ I can feel how common it is for us to project our issues and hurts onto our family, it is very lovely to read how you have realized that there is nothing wrong with your mom. Holding judgment on others can be so damaging and stop any loving connection, it is beautiful that you have let go of these judgments and now see your mom as the amazing woman that she is.
It’s amazing how when we express with more openness and not keep certain topics as no-go areas how our relationships plunge into new depths. What you’ve expressed is definitely one of the keys to ending shallow relationships forever!
“I healed some very deep hurts from the past, which have been held and hidden in my body.” ‘Un-earthing and healing long buried hurts is so transformational.
“To my surprise we talked long about things relating to women and deepened our connection by expressing both how we saw life, and how we experienced life as women” – so gorgeous to feel…the uniting of women coming together not in the role of ‘mother’ and ‘daughter’… but instead in the grace of yourselves sharing the wisdom you each have over the years you have lived; no lesser no greater, but equal and in true sisterhood.
‘I thought I was in a great relationship with my mom…’ This line has me reflecting on what gets in the way of me having a deeper relationship with my mum than I already have. Have I settled because it is so much better than it ever was before. There’s always more and a great appreciation of what is too.
This is so moving. You were inspired by another and in turn have inspired me. Thank you.
This is a super inspiring blog. It allows us to see what layers of protection we may be holding in ourselves that stop us from seeing the level of love that is on offer.
Allowing ourselves to adore and deeply love people close to us is the most wonderful gift we can both give ourselves as well as others. Who doesn’t want to be adored?
In a presentation years ago Serge Benhayon talked about our parents doing the best they could given the circumstances they themselves were brought up in and that as an adult we can bring this understanding to our relationship with them. When I heard this it made huge difference to the way I saw my mother and most of the hurts I had been holding onto dropped away.
I can feel how in opening up to more and more love within myself and with my own mother the love between me and my daughter is also expanding.There is no end to openness and love when we allow.
As a daughter and as a mother I so loved reading your words, very healing and inspiring. I have been enjoying a similar process with my own beautiful Mum recently.
A beautiful blog to read and makes me appreciate the relationship I now have with my mum. in the past I would be quiet shut down to her, but now if I bring an openness then she will bring that too – we are reflections to each other for how deep our relationship can go. I love her deeply and I know that the time I have left to spend with her is very precious. Even though we are on opposite sides of the world, I love speaking to her all the time and appreciating the wisdom she brings.
What prevents so many people from putting more effort into their relationships within their families is that we often see our family relationships as ‘less important’ than our relationships outside of the family. It seems ok for some reason to have damaged relationships within our families far more than it does with our work colleagues. We are much lazier at working on family relationships and certainly speak to our family members in ways that we would never speak to those outside of our family unit. The result of all this, is that we often don’t address the problems within our families, which means that our hurts continue to fester from one life time to the next, hampering our every move.
Anonymous you were spot on when you used the word ‘irritated’ to describe how you used to feel when you were with your Mum, ‘irritated to down right raging’ are such common feelings for people when it comes to their relationship with their parents. So many of us get snagged within the first 15 minutes of being with our folks and then quickly resort to ways of behaving that we did as kids. What all of this demonstrates is that ‘no-thing has really changed’ the hurts that were triggered as kids are sitting in exactly the same place in our bodies. And so the call is to deal with our hurts, as you have, or to continue to be triggered by other people, there is no other way out of the predicament.
Anonymous, as a mother myself I can’t imagine much in life that is richer than having a genuinely deep, open and loving relationship with your child.
Anonymous the issues with parents that you have managed to master are not only age old but are universal. I hope that you can truly appreciate the monumental feat that you have accomplished in opening up to your Mom. If life were represented by ‘Indiana Jones in The Temple of Doom’ then deepening our relationship with our parents would be the final death defying hurdle to over come before finally getting to the casket of jewels.
Through your blog you show so beautifully how it’s possible to develop deeper relationships and connections with our family and friends through developing a deeper relationship with ourselves first. There is much grace and love in the process.
This is a gorgeous before and after relationship, and it’s inspiring how you’ve eradicated the distance you created between you and your mum, now having a naturally intimate connection without the same judgements or barriers as you mentioned at the start of your blog.
When we drop the pictures and roles within the family, it frees us to just be ourselves, to enjoy and benefit from each other’s unique expression.
It is a joy to re-visit this very relatable blog Anonymous. Presentations by Serge Benhayon and sessions with Universal Medicine practitioners have supported me to strip away the barriers held within that kept me in blame and
self-justification to make it all about my mother being in the wrong. It is a blessing and a joy to have a deeper and more intimate relationship with her now and know clearly the deep love we have for each other.
“And like Caroline wrote “What I have come to discover in my own healing is that my mother loves me dearly too.”
What I love about what you share Anonymous is arriving at a place where you and your mother related to each other as equals. So often parent-child relationships are unequal: parents have more power, control and are the all knowing ones. Children unable to express themselves are held in check, sowing the seeds of relationship breakdowns further down the line. Fostering relationships with children based on equalness from birth and throughout their lives supports them, ourselves and benefits the whole community.
“Give her the space now to love me. In truly loving her, I find the truth of feeling at that moment, the exact same love towards myself.” Allowing love to unfold – not to push, ask for something or impose – is truly loving, as love is always there because it is our essence. It is our hurts that get in the way of this and your blog, Anonymous, demonstrates the beautifully outcome when we heal them.
Thank you Anonymous, for your blog. It still amazes me that when we truly heal everything within us, around us changes. Only recently I have been reflecting about my Mum, who died in 1983, born in 1904, what a life she experienced with 2 wars and the great depression, all in her life time and yet she managed to have 6 children and I am one of them. So like you I now have a deep appreciation of her and how she did the best she could for us all.
Doesn’t it hurt – big time! – when we discover just how much we have shut other people out, we feel it physically and even further to our very core and we feel it in another too. It takes a lot of effort to hold onto a hurt we have carried and to keep ourselves locked up from what feels otherwise natural to us and in that being truly intimate with someone. We can go a lifetime and not even realise how much we close ourselves off from others, but once we do expose the behaviour it is such a healing for everyone involved! I have loved to read just how you have opened up to your Mom as it has inspired me to take a closer look into my relationships with my Mum and others too.
We all have so many incredible relationships in our lives, people that we connect with be it family, friends, so called strangers on the street. What you share here however does make me reflect, how willing am I to truly connect and have the depth of relationship with these people that I could? It’s clear there is certainly much more that I can go to.
What I love about this sharing Anonymous is the responsibility you have taken to offer love to your mother and this has made all the difference. Simply putting aside blame and hurt and offering love is a life changer; a world changer!
‘We laugh from our stomach many times’ as I read this memories came flooding back of the many many times I’ve laughed with with my mum so much so that we’ve started to cry. We don’t need anything in particular to set us off, we can find humour in the simplest of things, it’s so gorgeous when we connect in this light hearted playful manner.
Our responsibility in relationship really begins with our parents – in taking responsibility for being who we are, and loving ourselves to the bone – we have no need, expectation or imposition for them to be a certain way with us or for us; thus allowing true love in relationship.
Spot on Kylie Jackson! It’s the expectations that limit the potential for how deep our love can go for another and can surprise us with the confirmation we can receive in return.
I loved reading about the moment of discovering that after ages of blaming and not being fully open with your mum, you realised there was absolutely not a single thing wrong with her, but it was all your own hurts and your own issues. I can not wait until the day that everyone engaged in acts of war wakes up to such a realisation.
I love the photo for this blog, it really reminds me that as you say Anonymous, we really carry, substantiate, keep alive and make real all these issues with other people. So much of what we perceive is wrong with them, is being projected by us onto them. The simple truth is when we change so do they too. This blog and photo reminds me strongly of our true underlying beauty, and that we should never fall for the lies and tall stories that we tell ourselves.
Very true, Joseph. When we take responsibility for relinquishing any hurts or expectations we may still hold towards another, funnily enough the whole relationship changes!
One thing I am reminded of in reading this story is how we are already everything. We may not be living from the place of knowing we are already everything, but we are always surely, slowly, steadily and inextricably moving towards that point.
There is a great deal of disturbance in blame. It feels like it is accompanied by inner turmoil, and characterised by drama, intrigue and finger pointing. Removing the thorn in one’s side surely restores a sense of internal and external harmony and leaves both parties free to just be.
‘I give her the space now to love me.’ It really is like that isn’t it? We wonder why our relationships are not working and yet we are the ones who are stopping that from happening. By giving people space it’s like we are giving them the opportunity to love us. And if they choose to walk away? Let’s give them the space to do that.
‘Loving her is loving me’, I loved this little saying. The same goes for all of humanity, when we feel the love for ourselves, we feel that we are all connected and that the love is equal for all.
Parents with all their imperfections, and whether expressed or not, love their children to the bone, it is so healing and freeing for all when this is deeply felt.
Looking up to our parents and seeing them as Gods puts them on an impossibly high pedestal, sets them up to fall when we come to see reality that they are only human – imperfect but beautiful.
So true and it is so imposing to place expectations and ideals onto another simply because they have the title or role of mum or dad and isn’t it interesting to see just how they too can get caught in the picture of their role; instead – what if we all lived and were raised as equals, yes parents and children too, how different family life would be.
Although my mum has passed away several years ago I feel that healing my hurts and let more love in is affecting every relationship I have now and have had in the past. The foundation of any relationship is the relationship I have with me. Reading your blog touched me and shows it is all up to ourselves and to appreciate and celebrate the ripple effect it has on every relationship we are in.
Thank you Anonymous for this honest blog, it is inspiring to read how your relationship has changed with your mother as this is important for all mother and daughter relationships. We all know that we crave for a deeper relationship which is open and truly caring, but the childhood hurts can often get in the way, but what you have shown here is that those hurts can be healed and no longer dictate how you will be when you meet each other.
Isn’t it amazing when we see past the negative associations we have with those closest to us and are able to genuinely appreciate their qualities, always when we do this our relationship with that person changes, as we see the beauty in them and how much there is to love about them. I have many relationships where I could get upset about this or that from the past, but what a waste of time, why not just open up to my friends and family and give them all of my personality to feel. When we see the reaction of another is triggered by their own hurt, it is much easier to let go of the need for that person to act a certain way to not trigger our own hurt, which we can deal with by acknowledging it is there but not indulging in the emotion of it.
Anonymous, this article really is very beautiful, I love the appreciation and love of your mom that is so palpable in your article, it is very gorgeous to feel and is supportive to my relationship with my mom, our relationship with my mum has deepened a lot in the last few years and your article inspires me to further deepen our relationship, to express the love and adoration I feel for my mum.
Being connected to my Mom is a deep reflection of how I am with myself. That in itself is a revelation. It’s the same for Dad. They are so nearby that hardly anything can be hidden without immediately feeling that there is something not sitting quite well. It’s worth appreciating this gift that we are all given such reflections like Moms and Dads.
Anonymous what an amazing and honest blog. If we are in distance with ourself we only can be in distance with others. You showed us that it is possible to heal old hurts and built a relationship without distance to ourselves and others – I find this very inspiring.
How beautiful to be able to heal your hurts and to see your mother for the sweet woman she is. This is such a gift to all of us.
This is a beautiful blog I must say, unfortunately my mother has dementia and a relationship like you describe is no longer possible. Regardless however I feel inspired to ensure I hold nothing against her and that I am as open and loving as is possible when I do see her. She feels it and loves me to be around… but conversations and deeper moments are not so easy or commonplace anymore.
So beautiful and what i’ve found is that in opening up the space with someone, it opens up the space for another [one, two or three …] to come forwards too. The power of one.
This is so gorgeous to read. I’ve reflected on how much my relationship with my parents has changed since I first heard Serge Benhayon talk about family and relationships. I know there are things I am working on with my relationship with myself and how I relate with my parents but what’s lovely is the love I have for these two people who brought me into the world and the life we share together. I’m so blessed to have healed so much that I get to cherish them whilst they are alive. Now I don’t have the terrible time of loving people greatly whilst wanting to run from them because the reflection they give me was too painful.
‘Accepting her as a very beautiful woman is at the same time accepting me as the very beautiful woman I am. Loving her is Loving me.’ As we accept ourselves we are able to accept others, and express our love toward each other. A beautiful and inspiring blog Anon.
I can relate to everything that you say here and was recently lamenting the fact that I never had that truly deep, intimate and loving relationship with my Mum that I know I would have had if I had known Serge whilst she was still alive. Don’t get me wrong we had fun together but we never talked about the important stuff. It is an “if only”. But for all those still with Mums appreciate all that she is and what you and she are together.
This is such a beautifull example of how not everything that is ‘supposed’ to or ‘looks’ to be loving is! For example we can hug another but be angry or irritable with them but the ‘hug’ disguises this feeling into thinking everything is okay. .. ‘If I was honest, I could always feel a certain distance between us in my body, for example when hugging her, or I would easily get irritated with her.’ Loving your honesty and sharing this with others, thank you.
Letting go of expectations and hurts alike gives space to see the other person with fresh eyes and most times it is very easy to then open up to them, get to know them in a very different way and liking or even loving them.
As I feel the love that is so inspiring from your blog I also relate to how I have developed a relationship, which is open and loving with another and how this has then developed into a more loving relationship with myself. I have also found that love is then not just reserved for a special few but has to be for everyone equally. As my love is expanding I am honestly considering the truth about love and where I am at. The reality is that until honesty is fully part of my Livingness that truth and therefore love, are things that I only have glimpse of.
Anonymous, your blog is a lovely demonstration of the fact that when we feel seen and met by someone we can open up to them more and allow an intimacy to build instead of having a wall between us. It shows how easily our behaviour affects another and how when one of us opens up it is so much easier for the other to do so too. So how could we then blame another if things aren’t good between us? – let’s look at ourselves first and see the part we are playing and once we change ourselves it cannot but help change the dymnamic in the relationship.
Anonymous, I loved your celebration of your mom and the fact that you opened to see who she truly is and realized that what you thought was wrong with her was actually “all my issues and hurts I was projecting onto her.” This is true of so many of us until we are willing to look at our own ‘stuff’ and let it go. Interesting that we call it ‘stuff’ as it does stuff us up, and it’s as if we are stuffed with something that does not belong to us.
“As a kid, life was very challenging for me. Later in life I felt that I kept blaming my mom for things that happened, even though deep down I knew that it was because of choices I had made.” How often do we go around blaming others or situations for the discomfort that we might have faced in life. It is very empowering to start to see and understand our own part in the situation and our ability as well as the responsibility to turning it round.
The ripples we create when we fall out with some close to us is insidious. It becomes cancer that spreads to all of our other relationships with everyone. What is the percentage of these being from perceived hurts? Or, things that did not fit our picture of how they should be? Removing the hurt, that we have created in our mind it like opening the door and windows of a room that is full of old stale air. The world and the people and relationships with all just expand.
Opening up to my mum even though in the past I have been rejected by her has been a healing for both of us. In my hurt, I have also rejected her. It was a nasty game we played with each other. This time though, I saw her for the woman she is, called her by her name rather than with the word mum or mother and all the expectations I realise I have with the word. This time I allowed her to be a human, with all her own hurts and issues and I brought understanding to her, rather than demanding she be how I think she should be as a mum. It has changed everything.
It is such a blessing when we let go of our childhood hurts and understand that she had her hurts that she was operating from which is why she behaved in certain ways which were not loving nor caring of us as a child. We can see her for who she is and develop a loving relationship based on truth and not a dysfunctional one based on hurts.
Our relationship with ourselves is key to how we will hold ourselves and the energetic quality that we will therefore offer to another – be that our mother, sister, brother, friend, neighbour and the world at large.
It is well worth reacquainting ourselves with ourselves – and developing an intimate relationship of loving rediscovery.
This is so healing to read. My mother passed away many years ago now, we never had a very close relationship when she was alive. It was after she passed away that I healed most of the judgements I had cast on her.. these same judgements I had cast on myself. It has been a profound lesson to learn that you can heal relationship even without the other person being around or alive. The joy you are experiencing with your mother is something I would not shy away from now.
I have been realising lately that the more I appreciate myself and my own qualities, the more I am able to see the essence or the qualities in others around me, rather than just focusing on their faults or behaviours that disturb me.
“Loving her is Loving me.” What an amazing thing to feel and experience. By opening your heart to love her you also love yourself.
I’m interested to hear whether and how the evolution of the relationship with your mother has affected other relationships in your life. My relationship with my mom recently took a big shift and I got to see who much impact the protection I have been holding with her was being replicated in all my other relationships. It was exposing and amazing. It really see and feel the absolute fact that every relationship affects every relationship – something that the amazing Serge Benhayon has taught me.
I am inspired by what you have written here to connect more with my mum. My parents live overseas and there are many excuses in the way of communicating, it’s expensive (they have mobile phones) the connection isn’t very good, the time difference doesn’t suit us etc., the list is endless. What I can feel is that these are all excuses and if I want to deepen the relationship I have with my parents, then it is up to me to make the time to speak to them on a regular basis. i don’t see them very often because they are overseas so it is all the more important for me to ensure I connect with them regularly so that when I do see them the time we have together is all the more precious.
This is a glorious confirmation of what can happen if we have the courage, humility and tenderness to allow ourselves out of the cages in which our hurts have locked us. Simple, simple choices – but so inspiring and choices that so few of us make. Thank you anonymous for bringing your story to us. An inspiration of how we can be with everyone – not just our moms.
Beautiful to feel the opportunity for deepening in all of our relationships all of the time when we are open to the possibility.
My mother died of alzheimers and our journey together in life was always coming from this place of disconnection and a need for love. We loved each other dearly but the expression of this love was held inside and not shared as deeply as I now know it can be. This is a beautiful sharing of what we can allow in our lives and living who we are not holding back our love and is true healing and livingness.
Anonymous, this is gorgeous, ‘I started to see much better how beautiful my mom truly is and that there is nothing wrong with her, NOTHING’, reading this I can feel how true this is for us as well as our mums, that when we realise that there is nothing wrong with us we realise this with others too and we start to see and feel the qualities of ourselves and others.
“Hugging her now is hugging myself too. Accepting her as a very beautiful woman is at the same time accepting me as the very beautiful woman I am. Loving her is Loving me.”
This is so beautiful anon – this is LOVE and the magic of its reflection – as my daughter sleeps in my bed next door i will remember the power of these words as I welcome her to the day with a hug.
Your relationship with your mother is a beautiful reflection of your relationship with yourself and that when we open up and express ourselves with others we allow them to do the same.
This is deeply touching anonymous, and a experience I can really relate to. I spent years with a chip on my shoulder holding a resentment and a blame towards my parents, not that they had done anything wrong it was the fact I blamed them for the mistakes and hurt in my own life. This has dramatically changed since taking responsibility for my own life and now I have a gorgeous relationship with both my parents. Whereas before I found it hard to accept them for who they were; now I deeply appreciate them and accept them just as they are – which is truly beautiful.
It is truly liberating to give yourself space to feel deeper into who you are and what you know. Allowing this is allowing the love back in.
How wonderful that by being willing to be open with your mother it allowed her to feel safe enough to be more open with you and how this has allowed your relationship to have developed into deepening your love and understanding for each other and what is more to see her not in the mother role, but to accept and appreciate her for the woman she is.
Parents can be a beautiful reflection for us when we let go of the hurts, expectations and ideals we have held them to; and therefore open ourselves up to making the relationship one that is truly loving.
It can be all too easy to see our parents as the root of our issues or the ones to blame, but often they themselves have just as many issues and struggles, they are human and are learning as much as we are – when we can appreciate them as people before they are parents then we can begin to truly love them.
Isn’t it beautiful Anonymous when we do realise that the issues we have with others has nothing to do with them, but everything to do with us and our un-managed projections. Even if we don’t manage to change or resolve things with the person/pattern etc. as you did with your mother here, … just having the awareness of it means the space is clear, and you know ‘what’s coming’ so to speak; are prepared, and hence less likely to react to fan the flames of dispute [within yourself, and with them]. Awareness through honesty is the real ‘weapon’ to have, not the protective hurt.
This is a great blog, we hold so many hurts in our body, and protect ourselves against those we feel may hurt us. It is lovely to read how you and your Mum are both opening up to one another and how deeply connected you can be. When we do open up to one another there is a wealth of experience that we can learn from and share and a bond of truth that develops and makes us more appreciative of each other.
I can so relate to this blog Anonymous. I am currently living with my mum for a few months and this opportunity to open up to her, let go of my hurts, blame and judgements and to deepen our relationship has opened my eyes to the fact that love was actually always there between us, it just hadn’t been my focus. Bringing understanding to her has been key in stopping my reactions towards my mum and where she is at and her choices. I can now allow her to be her and with the imposing, weighty veil of my judgements lifted from her she is now able to see herself more clearly and open to me more honestly too. It is really beautiful and very healing.
I was touched by how you noticed after your healing of some very deep hurts from the past, and letting them go, you felt yourself being far more loving and caring with your mum than you had been before. This shows how important and valuable it is for us to constantly healing our hearts and dealing with our issues in life.
This is incredible evidence showing just how much a relationship with someone can change simply from looking at the relationship we have with ourselves and thus our outlook on the world, how we see (and possibly judge) others and how loving we are in our interactions.
Coming back to this blog again makes me aware of the beautiful experience of putting my daughter to bed tonight and for the first time we looked to each other with our hearts open and in full adoration of each other. I let her in and could feel how light, precious, cute and light she is. A ‘new’ experience and one coming after reading this blog yesterday. A coincidence? No, definitely not! Thank you for sharing.
Our own family relationships are often the most intense. And what is interesting, especially with regards to the resentment we can often hold to our parents, is that we hold them to ransom for not loving us the way we expected to be loved, but that we refuse to give that love we expected unto ourselves.
Dear Anonymous, thank you for this timely blog for me to read. It is so true that we project our hurts onto others when we do not want to deal with our stuff. This blog is a great reminder for me to keep looking more deeply and being more honest with the relationships around me and ensuring that I use each and every opportunity to feel and grab the hurt when I feel it rather than blaming another or pretending it has nothing to do with me. Thank you!
Love to hear about a relationship not only deepening but doing so in a way that is more accepting, intimate and real.
It is gorgeous to think that even though our parents are not physically present, their essence lives on and we can still work on our relationships with them knowing that also affects all our current relationships. As we open up and let go of our hurts, so too can we let go of the barriers we built up that we thought were protecting us. The more we open up and can be honest, the more we can feel complete.
Yes, I can relate to the being ‘nice’ as a way of protecting and keeping people out…even when hugging. And it is incredible that we think the other person will not feel it.
This is an incredible sharing, so open and honouring of you, your mom and all women. I felt as I read, that your willingness to share this, your deepening relationship and love, brings all women closer – an invitation to relinquish the barriers we have constructed – thank you.
This feels like such a celebration of the beautiful essence inside each and every one of us. An inspiring example of how we can let go of our hurts with others at any time, once we can acknowledge what we ourselves are holding onto that is not love.
This is a beautiful blog showing the deepening of love and where it can lead us to within ourselves and everyone around us. A true journey of where letting love in can take us through true healing and expression lovingly.
‘I decided to express about subjects that before I was shy to talk about as I was not sure if my mom wanted to talk about them.’ Just how often do we hold back in our communication with our parents or family situations because of what we feel or our uncertainty. I know this has been the case for me too but I have come to learn just how much we can learn from each other when we don’t hold back and equally just how much our expectations of what will happen can be wrong.
“It was all my issues and hurts I was projecting onto her.” Yes very true. I found when I feel hurt it is hard to see my mum or anyone for who they truly are. There are expectations, pictures and hurts. Yet it is beautiful to let these go and let others simply be who they are; this is so much less draining than not accepting people for who they are. When we do accept people for who they truly are and let them express in their own way there is a depth that is added to a relationship which is very enjoyable.
There are so many relationships that we have in our families and with friends that stay the same with no growth or deepening of connection. And yet we go through the motions of ticking the boxes to make them look functional on the surface meanwhile knowing deep down that they are stagnant and feeling the pain of separation and the sadness or hurt of the lack of real connection. What you have presented here Anon is the key to unlocking that stagnation in our relationships and having much richer and fuller relationships, thank you.
Once we let down our guard and stop holding another to random for our hurts its amazing to feel the beauty of the other, which perhaps we hadn’t let ourselves feel before. This was my experience with both my parents…initially I felt surprised as I felt both of them, but their beauty was clear as the day is long. The surprise was that I hadn’t let myself see it before!
Gorgeous blog to read this morning. I especially loved: loving her is loving me. So true. Speaking of mums, I haven’t called my mum lately, as I have been very busy working, but that feels very lame! I have been taking a little distance since our last telephone conversation because I felt an old hurt of not being understood or listened to and felt rejected, and have been avoiding dealing with it since….. mmm, it is time to call her to clear and move on. Message to self today; STOP HOLDING ONTO HURTS – ( an old habit of mine).
What a great healing nor just for you but for your mum, and how much this will ripple out to all your other relationships and hers also.
Anonymous, I find this article so very beautiful and inspiring to read, it supports me to deeply appreciate myself and my mum. Reading this I can feel how I used to hold many judgments in the past, these judgments started with me harshly judging myself, ‘I started to see much better how beautiful my mom truly is and that there is nothing wrong with her, NOTHING’. Now I am less critical of myself I see how beautiful I am and as a result the amazing qualities that my mum has, like being very open, loving, not holding back when it comes to truth and being very loving and supportive, when I was in judgment in the past I did not notice these qualities, it makes me ponder on how many other people I am not seeing for who they truly are because of judgments.
When we hold hurts in any relationship it cannot but infect every other relationship we have, it becomes that peeing in the pool analogy from that one choice. How much do we miss that is amazing in the world from shutting ourselves down from openly feeling everyone around us.
It’s funny, I’ve had the same thing with someone close to me. At first I just saw the faults that weren’t faults at all, it’s just that I chose to focus on them. When I saw this person for who that person truly was then the natural qualities could shine through. So in a sense you can say that we make other persons to be by how we hold them. Isn’t that a big one, we can actually inspire others to be themselves if we chose to see that instead of what is not their truth.
It is amazing how much we can blame others for what has happened to us. It is a great way to avoid taking responsibility. I know that when I am choosing to only use my eyes to see I can easily be fooled and so can look at the way someone moves or turns away from me as being a move away from me instead of seeing it as that person just doing what they are doing and maybe they didn’t even see me. I know I can be soo quick to judge or react to situations rather than allowing myself to see the bigger picture. It is amazing how much we can create things to suit the picture we want even though they may actually be far from that.
The tensions between mothers and daughters can be quite particular and I always feel that first relationship we have with another woman – our mother – is both a platform and a template for past and future relationships with other women.
Anonymous what a glorious blog – thank you so much for sharing. I can feel how hurts I carry towards my mum impact us too and how resolving these could change everything.
Truly beautiful to read, thank you for sharing such love, it brought tears to my eyes, my mother is no longer alive, at an Esoteric Healing workshop sometime ago and feeling back to when I was in the womb, I got a sense of how deeply loved I was by her, being held tenderly in her body.
Whether it’s our mum, dad, brother, friend, collegue, client or stranger, every relationship is an opportunity to express from our heart first. The less expectations I have on how that should look or be the more free I am to express what is being truly felt.
Powerful and inspiring blog Anonymous, love what you say here : ” Loving her is Loving me” and “hugging her is hugging me” – very beautiful to feel this in light of your past story/connection, …. and it shows the beauty and freeness there is in allowance. Great to appreciate this.
It is truly amazing to read how so many people are healing their hurts and letting them go so that they then can love truly openly. I am yet to walk this path in full but inch closer every day.
A great insight that clearing your own hurts has allowed you to see that there wasn’t anything wrong with your mum. I can really relate to this. Taking responsibility for my own healing through the Universal Medicine therapies has also allowed me to clear many of the hurts I was carrying. This clearing of hurts has meant I now have space within myself to see life more clearly, to see the truth of how things are by not projecting my hurts into everything. This has meant a greater ability to love and accept others and myself, just as you describe here, which has changed all of my relationships in so many positive ways.
A lovely article, it is precious to be open with others, to truly let someone else in, we enviably allow ourselves out, no need for protection and pretence. The power of our own responsibility in relationships.
Everything is about the love we are within and whether we are open and living this or whether we are closed and holding it back. What we experience in our relationships is a reflection of what we bring – bringing love gives back big time.
This is a lovely photo accompanying your delicate blog. Two beautiful flowers standing side by side…we have so much to offer each other when we reflect the truth of us.
Very beautiful sharing. All our relationships can grow and deepen as we do. I love and truly appreciate my mum for all she is, and this has grown as I have.
As we deepen our relationships with ourselves, so do all our relationships deepen, and vice versa, the two are inextricably linked, beholding one another.
This is a great blog, and what it has shown me is that although we believe we have a loving relationship with say our parents or siblings there can still be a huge element of judgement within those relationships, and it takes being honest with ourselves to clock how quickly the thoughts of judgement are there.
Your sharing shows how we can let go of all the pictures we may have of our parents (or anyone for that matter), take responsibility for our part in the relationship and connect with another from a place of truth. It exposes how what we blame others for is actually our part in the relationship, and whilst that remains the relationship will be tainted by that. It is only when we are willing to look at our part, our judgments on ourselves and others, and our projections onto others, that we can start to heal our relationships and develop a foundation of honesty and truth.
This is so very inspiring to read Anonymous… it reveals how every relationship we have can be from true connection and has the potential to inspire others too.
Being open to others is a fascinating journey… we can think we are more open in relationships with others but there is always more things exposed, more layers to let go of and more ways of being open – it is a forever unfolding journey.
Reading this blog, I can reflect that there are so many things that I still hold back from sharing with my Mum. I only allow her to see part of who I am in fear of showing her my all. It is an inspiration to read this which highlights to me the work that is there still to do be done on my own relationship.
What I’m realising from reading this ode to your mum Anonymous is that I’m still to let in my mum and the love she is. My mum is gorgeous, yet somehow I’m running away from feeling how dear she is to me. The gestures are lovely, yet the unconditional love – instead of holding her to ransom – is still a way to go. Honesty and choice is required here. This doesn’t go automatically. And avoiding the hurts that I sense don’t support me (and her) either.
It is a huge support offered by Universal Medicine with becoming more aware of and healing childhood hurts. When I started this process I found that my reaction to many of those ‘past’ hurts were very alive in my body and running some of the patterns in my adult life. Not only that, it also allowed me to start gaining a deeper understanding about my reactions and notice how they tend to melt away when I am able to be more love myself and hold a bigger picture
There are so many reflections and learnings between a mother and daughter, that by having a focus on the connection first, any issues that can be seen or felt, have the opportunity to be learnt and understood allowing the relationship to deepen between each other.
Thanks Johanne Brown for sharing a great point. It is the connection first that makes the quality and deepens what is there to learn from each other. I found that when I took off the mother and daughter hat roles I was able to see my mother for the gorgeous woman she was, not how she mothered me as a child and hence the layers of hurt begin to heal.
I am sometimes astonished and almost a little shocked at how much we can see and love about another when we give ourselves the space to connect to them – from the way they smile or the sound of their laugh, the way their eyes light up or the way they do their hair, all of it is an expression of them that is to be adored.
It is quite shocking and beautiful to see how much we have stopped people from loving us by holding on to our hurts, holding back our love and when we finally open up realize that it was not the other but we who created exactly the scenario we blamed for hurting us. Always a good choice to start with oneself instead of waiting for the other to do the first step, one may never know what is going to happen in a very surprising and beautiful sense.
I relate to what you share here Alex, holding onto hurts and holding back my love because the other does not deserve it! But in fact how much have I hurt myself by holding back my love. It is time to cut this old habit of mine and time for me to make the first step, and your words inspire me: ‘ one may never know what is going to happen in a very surprising and beautiful sense’.
I am amazed at how my relationship with people that I am close to has changed, when I have delt with the hurts in my life. I did not realize that these hurts that I was not feeling was having such a negative effect on my relationships.
So much appreciation and thanks to Simple Living Global and Universal Medicine for supporting me to truly change my life in a way that nothing else has.
What a huge healing from reading another person’s blog anonymous. This has now had a ripple effect on me, and a confirmation of the same journey I have been on with my mother. There is so much hurt we can carry that stops us loving our families for who they are rather than what we want them to be.
I love your sharing and how you made a choice to open up and let your mother in Anonymous. The change that can happen if we are willing to see beyond our hurts is amazing.
I love how opening up in relationships reveals that we are all alike in some way, and it is much deeper than a shared interest.
This is truly beautiful to read Anonymous! Amazing.
We really do ourselves a disservice when we hold onto things about other people and let that get in the way of having a truly loving and intimate relationship with them.
The type of opening up you did with your Mum can be be applied in many other relationships. The other day I was honest with one of my work associates about how I was feeling, It just accidently came out, any way he ended up telling me all this stuff that was going on in his life and our relationship feels so much closer now, its amazing when you realize that we can have very close relationships with just about anyone, if open ourselves up to it.
How beautiful to read this celebratory blog. It is true that the more we love ourselves and open up to others, the more they open up to us and we feel that gorgeous love too.
My Mum died long ago but I notice that every time that I let go of another hurt that I have been carrying from my childhood my love for my Mum deepens and that it does not matter whether she is dead or alive I know she too gets the healing as I heal.
This blog is quite something, dramatically changing your relationship with your mother without the need for a drastic, external event.
The relationship we have with our parents can be so beautiful if we allow our old hurts to drop away. It is purely the hurts that are creating a barrier and keeping us from opening to the true love that is available.
I used to see parents as just the people who raised me and not a friend so to speak. I used to hide a lot from my parents, especially my mum. Only in the last 5 years has this changed – but only because of my willingness to be open. What I realised is that my mum has always been open but I choose to not accept this, I love your sharing of how much the relationship with your mum has changed – and it just shows that if we get roles out the way – a beautiful relationship can begin.
So very beautiful and healing to read. Thank you for showing the power of true expression between two people, how to communicate with love, respect and hold each other in equality, instead of taking on the victim role and keeping love and true intimacy out.
I love your confirmation of what we all innately desire ‘she opens up more and more because she has been seen for being herself, which she loves’. When we hide behind our hurts it prevents us from seeing the other person in all their glory and thus the barriers of separation are further cemented.
Such a joyful celebration of love shared. Thank you for sharing how your relationship with your Mum is blossoming and showing us what can happen when we open ourselves to love.
It is so lovely to read about the way our relationships with our mothers can change and deepen
What really resonates here is the ability we have to give others space when we have addressed our hurts and needs that bind the relationship from going deeper. How important it is for all, to allow ourselves that understanding and healing.
And boy – are these layers sometimes thick – so good to get them opened up and healed step by step, what a difference it makes for ourselves and all we are connected with – which is basically with all of humanity …
It is so beautiful, Anonymous, that you now see your mother as just another soul, a beautiful being who is learning and growing just like yourself. There are then no roles or pictures of how relationships should be, just connection.
“I can feel she loves me deeply. It is such a healing to open up so much more with my mom. ” – Yes we are also working towards that, there is a bit of away to go, however the love that we have for each other has been reconnected and I feel the more I hold her in the love that she is the more we can come towards each other, it feels awesome.
With my development through my choices based on my study with Universal Medicine my relationship with my mum and family in general has also changed a lot. I found it such a blessing to put out of the way what stands between me and the deep relationship to someone else. We are longing for deep relationships, to look in each others eyes and feel the love that is there, the equality and unity. To heal ourselves from our hurts is to heal the world.
I love your sharing Anonymous, and I can relate a lot to what you have expressed. I also have to this healing and can say the same thing: ” Loving her is Loving me.” How beautiful is it to be able to truly feel our mum …
My mother is a great reflection for some of my behaviours, so when I struggle with her being a certain way, then I also have to look at how I am, not just with her but with other people. We choose our parents and this is something I remind myself when any of my relationships are not going so well.
This is probably the first time in your mom’s life that she is being seen for who she is, no wonder she is blossoming into the woman that she innately is, what a gift for both of you.
Anonymous, I once again have tears in my eyes reading this, this is very beautiful, ‘ I can feel and experience now the qualities she brings which is so supporting to us both in life.’ Reading your appreciation of your mum and how you now see the qualities that she has and brings to your relationships makes me realise how much appreciation I have of my mum, I used to be very critical and judgmental of her whereas now I see how caring, supportive and loving she is and I deeply appreciate her being my mum and being in my life.
I am going home for Christmas this year after not seeing my mum for a couple of years and I will be looking to deepen my connection with her with inspiration from this beautiful blog.
The more I can appreciate my own qualities the more I can see it in others. Letting myself see the beauty underneath a person’s guarded behaviour to their sweetness and fragility allows for less judgment and this is definitely worth celebrating.
The blame game with anyone is a sure way to keep us separated, to not let love in. When we stop playing this game, there is space offered to truly meet another person for who they are and where they are at. It calls us to be responsible for our own circumstances regardless of what they are. It is too often easy to blame our parents for our issues, yet when we understand the science of reincarnation, we soon realise that there is no one to blame, what we have in this life is a direct result of our choices, whether they are past or present.
There is so much to heal in our lives and I am fully aware that the relationship with my parents is one of them, even with my parents who have both past away for several years. What I sense is that parent child relationships have the potential to be immense loving and evolving and that I avoided of going there as it was to much, I felt not worth or in protecting the hurts I held them responsible for. But what I also sense that it is never to late and even with both my parents not being in physical life with me anymore I can still heal the hurts that withheld me from truly feeling the love that was there all the time, I just had to open up myself and allow that love to enter my life.
Your blog reminds us to be open to continuously deepening our relationships. With relationships that we feel are great but don’t develop any further than this point means it tends to stay stagnant and not really evolve. You’ve shown us that our relationship can be much more than just great, it can be very loving, intimate, open and honest, and what amazing is this can expand endlessly.
Very beautiful blog Anynomous, thank you for sharing..What is so powerful about this blog also is that it totally shows the equality between people , being it daughter and mom, husband and wife.. There is no difference. And that we can not blame anyone for our own made choices. Which we try to do so with many situations, people in our lives.. But this blog shows a different story and how we are responsible and how we can take responsibility for our own life. How beautiful is that? Pretty awesome!
What a stunning love letter to your mum and to the world Anonymous. I am inspired to look at all my relationships again and get honest about the hurts I have projected onto others.
This brings back memories of how I was with my mother – we were both rather distant, keeping conversation to a very day to day level of practicalities. I never really liked her but in the end I came to respect her. She’s passed on now, so I have no opportunity to deepen the relationship but I feel much can be healed by my understanding her more as who she truly was. ‘I can feel she doesn’t need to protect herself from me anymore. Before I had an arrogance that she was less in a way. That came from judging her as I was judging myself.’ It seems the less I judge me, the more I can appreciate her and what she brought.
Life is all about relationships, as we deepen our relationship with our self, we then open the door to deepening all of our relationships and therefore, we learn that it’s ok, it’s safe, to share our true, divine selves with everyone. Then we feel the immense joy from participating in life, from no longer choosing to hide and hold ourselves back and the rest of humanity.
‘Loving her is Loving me.’ – as we trust and deepen our own foundation of love, this is how we can be with everyone, equally so.
When we let go of protection the walls come down and our relationships completely change.
Yes, we make a big offering to the other, which they may or may not accept but the sheer fact of the offer has made a big difference already.
This is very sweet to read and truly lovely to hear how your relationship with your mom is unfolding. It sounds beautifull. I, like you, used to blame everyone else for my life instead of looking at how I was with both myself and others. With the help and support from Serge Benhayon, the Benhayon family, Universal Medicine and many others I have now healed this and the relationship with myself and others continues to bloom. There is always something to learn from another ✨
So beautiful how you opened up and let your mum in which enabled her to open up and let you in.
It makes so much sense that when we are open to others they will be open to us… and yet we tend to go around with walls of protection and wonder why nobody understands us – how can they if we shut ourselves off from them? They will protect themselves too from the wall of protection coming at them! When we take responsibility for ourselves, for our hurts, and open up to others… it inspires others to do the same.
The relationship with our parents is something very special, feeling the connection we have from birth it is crazy that we choose to hide our love even from them. But it shows that when we don’t open our heart to others, we cant love our parents more. It is all interconnected, and comes from the same level. And it is beautiful when we open up that there is a deep intimacy to be lived.
This is so gorgeous Anonymous. Your offer a powerful revelation of how our relationship with ourselves is often reflected and highlighted through or relationships with others. As a without holding ourselves in a loving relationship, how can we appreciate the love within another, or the love shared with another? As you have so wisely shared, this says it all – ‘Accepting her as a very beautiful woman is at the same time accepting me as the very beautiful woman I am. Loving her is Loving me.’
So awesome to get really honest about what we call ‘good relationships’ with people. We seem to think a good relationship is one where there is no fighting or arguing and a general respect. Although, what you’ve shared here to me feels like what a relationship should feel like. One that is open and willing to bare warts and all, and be ok with it and be ok with others seeing that, for none of us are perfect and we are all here to support one another.
That is awesome, so often we just go into old patterns and function with the people in our lives instead of letting that go and really connecting to them. I love how you describe the two of you dancing together and letting all of the other stuff go.
Its so beautiful that the relationship with your mother was there to reflect the deep down hurts, an opportunity to face the protection you were holding, releasing and healing old patterns. It’s the unconditional love we have as a reflection that allows us to feel the patterns, heal them and come back to meet the unconditional love we are also.
When we judge another it is because we judge ourself first. I have really been catching myself lately, every time a tiny bit of judgement comes up and then with awareness, I take the time to see how I judge myself in that same way and little by little, I am breaking a very old pattern.
I am inspired, greatly so, by this fantastic read and the open and deeply honest sharing imparted here, to go deeper and explore what is there and possible to be had in all my relationships not just with my own mum. It would appear that we have a level of intimacy we call intimate but it is by all means only the beginnings of where we can go to.
There is much in here for all of us to read and to take much from. I was particularly struck by the line about giving your Mum space to love you. It exposes that we place so many restrictions around love and who we give it and who we let it in from. Very inspiring what you have shared about letting more in and letting more out.
This is such a gorgeous and moving story. It is a joy witnessing and hearing of the true love between people described here. What a travesty it is that we close down from experiencing and sharing this level of love. But the great news is that whenever we choose to be true to our essence this is in fact our natural expression.
Thank you for sharing your willingness to open up to your Mom. It almost feels like a miracle transformation for any relationship when the space is there with a loving understanding and appreciation of ourselves and another equally. Hearts open and hurts are healed.
It’s a shame this is anonymous in that this is such a beautiful and wonderful story of how to truly build a relationship with anyone let alone with your mother. How often we find this is the case, that the wedge in any relationship actually has been put there by us. Once you work on the wedge and see the first part of it the wedge magically start to be removed and you see what’s behind it. There are some truly beautiful things to see in people every time you meet them, why are we often always focused on everything else? I can and possibly will read this blog many times over just to feel and see the beauty that is offered, thank you.
Hugs are a great guide to how we are with people. I have been studying them lately and surprised how much they reveal. There can be times when I feel that I love and trust a person, yet I am still somewhat guarded in my body. I can also feel when I am looking for something from them or they offer something false and the energetic choice to accept it or stay steady with me.
Keeping people at arms length and blaming them for our choices is something we are very good at. I have recently attended Sacred Esoteric Healing level 2, where we work a lot on the imprints we carry from childhood. I found this workshop very surprising, revealing and restoring of a deeper and truer part of me. I found there were patterns running under the surface that were almost the opposite of whom I think I am. The brilliant thing was that I got to feel that any hurts I felt my parents caused, was something that I have done to others. This completely cuts out the blame and brings responsibility squarely back to me.
I have been realising more and more recently how if I have a problem with someone, the way to resolve it is not to expect them to change, but to open up to them myself and let them in more deeply. It is not always easy, but it takes the pressure off of the other person to conform to my expectations, and allows them to be themselves.
I can relate to what you’ve shared here anonymous. It was only when I began to heal the hurts I carried that my relationship with my parents (and everyone for that matter) changed. The healing hasn’t been big cathartic sessions or digging around to see what is there, it has been a very gentle (and sometimes uncomfortable) process of feeling what is there, and being more nurturing and loving with myself, and taking responsibility for choices I’ve made along the way. I now see how super lovely my parents are, and how much they do love me in the way that they know love, and my buttons don’t get pressed anywhere near what they used to, and in fact rarely these days.
What I found really interesting whilst reading your story is that I realised that although my relationship with my mother has also changed exponentially since attending Universal Medicine courses and healing my own imprints and issues, there is still another level of love and acceptance that I have been keeping at a distance. This was a really beautiful reminder of the power of giving people the space to truly be themselves and to honour and love them for who they are, and in that, allow them the space to also love you more.
I felt this too Samantha. It’s as though I get comfortable thinking that things are much ‘better’ but in the process I rob myself of the opportunity to deepen my relationships and enjoy their true potential.
What I’ve realised also is that we can create issues that just aren’t there between people to avoid deepening our connection with ourselves and others. Issues, dramas and complications equal separation. This has been eye opening to read how when you looked at how you are with yourself and saw you in truth you were than able to see your Mom and all the amazingness you both are.
Gosh this was simply beautiful to read, a very healing and inspiring experience for me and for many others I am sure.
What a beautiful sharing thank you . “I give her the space now to love me. In truly loving her, I find the truth of feeling at that moment, the exact same love towards myself. One cannot exist without the other.” Simply divine.
Isn’t it amazing this way that two people can break through what’s not true. We can sit apart with such seemingly concrete heartaches and big distance, and yet with the application of honesty, openness and understanding it is like they dissolve into thin air. What alchemy we can perform when we truly care. Thank you for all that you share Anonymous I can feel the relationships in my life where this applies.
Beautiful. How often do we have relationship problems not because of the other person, but because of the hurts we hold on to?
This is gorgeous sharing and I am very inspired to look more lovingly at my relationships.
“Loving her is loving me”. Yes, we can never truly love another unless that love is within us first. It is amazing how much we hold back from opening ourselves up to our own love and this has such a ripple effect through humanity.
If we judge or hold grudges against other people both consciously or subconsciously it really damages and reduces the quality of our conversations with them. As you realised, you had so much to share and talk about with your mum, but had you held onto the hurts you felt from your childhood your relationship could have stayed shallow and functional rather than supportive and joyful.
It is beautiful and very inspiring to read what is possible in our relationships with one another, especially when it comes to mothers and daughters in this instance. It goes to show that it is never too late and that the potential to deepen this love and express more fully is always there.
Blaming another is so seemingly easy to do then to look at ourselves but in truth what does it do to our relationships and body. I’m living in another country to my Mum and you think that whatever issues or hurts there might be would not be in my face as much… but no, whatever unresolved stuff I haven’t dealt with or looked at honestly with my family or friends is in my face just the same with people I meet here. It’s wonderful really that the universe supports us continually no matter where we are to heal and let go of hurts that do not support us.
How often do we miss true love, because we settle for ‘nice’. What a beautiful story of letting love in again.
Yep – nice so does not do it … someone I know a long time ago defined the word ‘nice’ as: Nothing In me Cares Enough… it is true as when we play nice we really are not in our true awesome loving self and this can be felt by all, especially ourselves too. So to let go of ‘nice’ and bring in truthful expression bathed in loving essence makes an enormous difference to all our relationships, and that includes our selves too.
Inspirational story. I love how opening to what is possible allows another to do the same
We often hold so much against our parents that we are not even aware of, but as you discovered they are no different to any other human being. This shows so clearly that in fact everything comes back to ourselves, it is, that what we project out, that we see in another and thus (seemingly) comes back to us. There is always room for seeing more than we have yet allowed ourselves to see.
Gorgeous blog! Our relationships can change and naturally do evolve if we are willing to let go of hurts and express what we really want to express.
Let’s push the boundaries to where our relationships can go.
I’ve been experimenting with this lately and showing gestures of love and affection that I wouldn’t normally feel comfortable with doing (even with strangers). What I can say is I wouldn’t have had the chance to really engage with a lot of cool and admirable people.
Relationships have the opportunity to expand when we make the decision to expand – to look deep within and re-connect to the truth of who we truly are and the love we all share. Families are often the learning ground for this to take place and today I deeply appreciate that I was able to find my way through the confusion I felt at that time that allowed many shifts in some of my closest relationships, eventually arriving at the essence of what love truly is.
Loving ourselves and healing our deepest hurts brings true joy to our lives. By connecting to our deepest truth and expressing this out without the filters, pictures and past colours, we bring a depth of understanding to another and offer them the grace to bring their all.
How gorgeous for both of you to feel this intimacy you describe. What a testament to the work you have done to heal the hurts from your childhood and how that is having a direct affect on your relationship with your mum. Very lovely, and inspiring to read.
I love what you have written here about opening up to your Mum. Sooner or later we all have to let go of our hurts and see our parents for who they really are and not who we have constructed them to be in our minds.
Yes and with that understanding comes the letting go of all that is in the way of us truly seeing/feeling the other person – and it is such a lovely process, as I was able to experience to with my family recently.
This is really beautiful and every relationship we have has this very same potential.
What a great sharing anonymous, how many people of this world could benefit from reading this. Our parents are the people we chose so it’s crazy to let our hurt keep us from the amazing love that is there to share.
What a great development this blog presents about relationships with our parents. Much I can relate to about holding back the love I was very prepared to offer others while holding resentment or bitterness towards some close to me. Through exploring this with the support of Universal Medicine, I have found that I have an enormous heart, way big enough to take responsibility for my own reactions, allow the hurt to surface and replace the hole it leaves with deeper love and caring, It has been freeing for all concerned as so well expressed in this blog.
This is such a beautiful sharing Anonymous… when we open up to more within ourselves and letting go of old hurts its amazing how our relationships can transform as we also allow others to be more of themselves.
Growing up I held many resentments against my mum and it took until I came to Universal Medicine to truly heal them, despite having gone through various therapies and spiritual pursuits in an attempt to heal the hurt. Dring the last few years of her life it felt great to truly connect deeply with her and it was wonderful to have the opportunity to do so in her lifetime – for both of us.
“What a celebration, opening up to my mom.” Yes indeed. This is beautiful Anonymous. When we deeply connect with another and are intimate – the whole world can change.
Yes and it can change in the blink of an eye! And then we wonder what all that ‘other’ was about…
This was beautiful to read Anonymous, the celebration of your openness to loving yourself and your mum is tangible. Thank you.
This is very touching Anonymous. It’s so easy to hold grudges and remain hurt when it comes to our relationships with our parents. How gorgeous to re-imprint this and bring more love into your lives and between each other.
This is hugely inspirational and I am appreciating that through our sharing on these blogs that we are constantly pulling each other up to go deeper as we ponder various topics that have been shared. Through our expression we are supporting the evolution for the All.
What I often have to watch for is not projecting my own needs, because I have not been willing or am not willing to deepen love for myself, onto other people and needing, expecting or demanding them to be a certain way with me. There’s no love in that at all, it’s imposing, it shuts people out, and doesn’t allow me to see them for the amazing loveable being they are.
It also doesn’t allow them the space to be the loveable amazing beings they are.
Hi Anonymous, what a truly, beautiful blog. It was humbling to read how your love for yourself and your mother grew the more you were able to let down your guard and be the love that you are, allowing your mother the space to share the love that she is too. Just gorgeous.
It’s so true isn’t it – the more we connect to our love within and that we can only do when we let go of protection more and more, the more others can feel us in our essence and the particles rejoice and come to meet 🙂 Love this …
I love how the universe works and the way it, more often that not, nearly always manages to give me a big smile. Only a few hours ago I was discussing with a practitioner how I find it much easier to be freely ‘me’ with ‘strangers’ than with family and close friends because of the picture I hold them and myself in. Time to change the lenses and my focus.
Thank you Anonymous for this contribution. I must confess I did have a little tear in my eye whilst reading this, as it just goes to show how we can have a deeper relationship with our mothers and daughters.
Oh how beautiful Julie – yes a truly moving sharing …
Anonymous, this is so beautiful to read, I have tears in my eyes. I used to judge my mum and this was because I was in a lot of judgment about myself, since I have started loving and appreciating myself more this has meant that I have been loving and appreciating my mum more too, I can feel how without the judgment the wall of protection has come down and we can have fun and be close with each other – it is now a very different relationship and I deeply appreciate her.
I really appreciate you sharing your story about you and your mum, I know for me I also can hold family at a distance and not allow myself to really open up and for the conversation to go deeper and for the love and connection that is there to be felt. You’ve offered a great reflection.
Awesome reflection indeed – I can say that too MA, as I had the opportunity this year to re-connect with my sister and my mum on a much deeper level than ever, and it was such a realisation for me too that by having truly healed many of my hurts that all I could feel was such huge love for them and just be with them and holding them in the love that they are. The time we spent was very beautiful – especially as we all live in different countries; so this time it was really lovely and I felt truly blessed.
I think most of us have issues with our parents growing up, and we blame them instead of taking responsibility for what our parents are here to teach us. I definitely followed this pattern most of my life, but since taking responsibility for myself and my own evolution and part in things I can say I absolutely love my mum and both my parents. None of us are perfect and we all have our own things to work on and learn, our parents are the same, they’re people on their own evolutionary path long before they are our parents, and life is so much easier and more joyful with that understanding.
Thank you for this beautiful peace of writing. I can deeply relate to every word because I can also see the behaviours which I have used to blame/keep my mum out. It all makes me wonder how we get to this point, because at the start of our lives together there is so much love and care shared between each other, as we experience being the vulnerable child with them. I can see how hurts are passed down from generation to generation in this seemingly endless chain of events, where closed off and protected/defensive adult upon adult is produced, where as adults we turn on each other with blame and self-loathing. This does not seem right because at the start there was so much love. So what I love about this blog is how this one person has chosen to put a stop the endless cycle of hurt shutdown between mother and daughter, and to start a new one based on love and understanding.
What an awesome story and change in your relationship with your mom. It seems so simple how it always starts with us first – and what we might project on others or have reflected back to us. Your blog also makes me realise what work I have to do on my relationship with my mom – you’ve inspired me with your sharing.
I loved reading about the unfolding of your relationship with your mother and how it gently expanded into one that is full of honouring and joy. It is amazing that when we take the time to build a relationship with ourselves how relationships with others begin to expand, like yours with your mother; and I am sure there is much more to come.
Likewise I started opening up to my Mum a couple of years ago, just dropping all the defence, the issues I had carried around all these years, or my upbringing not being perfect etc etc and just spent time with her. She passed away earlier this year, but these last couple of years have been a treasure – a time we could both appreciate each other, enjoy each other warts and all, and learn from each other.
I can relate to what you share Simon. When we drop our defences and move towards our parents, we can be ourselves and simply spend time with them. I feel the preciousness of the last couple of years you spent with her before she passed away.
So lovely for you to share this Simon, and how awesome that by letting go of your own hurts and thoughts how things ought to have been, you had the opportunity to connect with your mom and share that special time with each other.
Wow. Thank you, Anonymous. As I read, I could feel how I have given up on my relationship with my mother (and a few others) underneath what appears to be ‘good’ relationships and this is coming from me not taking responsibility for my own hurts and the consequential reactions, and instead casting blame and judgment and making it about them not being where I need them to be, and I could feel how I am holding back from many (actually most, or maybe all) relationships. I can feel the hollowness of this and how I have settled with that as my ‘normal’ for a very, very long time. I feel very inspired and supported by your gorgeous sharing and feel how every relationship is worth deepening and that is how we all evolve.
A beautiful blog Anonymous on exposing and refusing to continue playing the blame-game. The joy in the ever-deepening relationship with your mother is felt in your writing. Once we are prepared to see our part in ‘holding love at bay’, this changes our relationship with ourself and with others.
I agree Anon, to truly let go and open myself up to another I must let go of my judgements and projections onto them. Part of this for me is identifying my hurts and dropping the protection you so vividly described.
“Later in life I felt that I kept blaming my mom for things that happened, even though deep down I knew that it was because of choices I had made.” We can hold so much against people and feel like it is all their fault and even though this might be satisfying I always felt an unease with doing this. I found that finding out that it were my own choices makes me able to deal with it, let go and make other choices – it is truly empowering. Plus it takes the pressure of the other person and the relationship which is something I love.
Thank you for sharing anonymous. It is our judgement of others that often puts a barrier between us and this happen a lot between parents and their children. I know as a young woman I held a lot of judgements about my parents and didn’t treat them with much respect. There was a lot of arrogance in my behaviour. How beautiful that you are now able to see your mum for the wonderful woman she is.
Well said Debra- our judgments of ours is such a barrier to any truly loving relationship, and that goes for judging ourselves too. Nothing good comes of it and by letting go of judgement, moving into reflection and self-reflection the door opens to such more love, for ourselves as well as for others.
‘I give her the space now to love me.’ This is so beautiful and when I read it what came to me is that so often we are all prickly on the outside because of the hurts that we are holding onto that there isn’t the space for someone to love us because we are stuck in a picture of what our relationship looks like and are not willing to let go of the perceived hurts that the other person has inflicted on us. Thus we miss the opportunity which you have embraced to explore a relationship on an ever deeper level.
Yes it really spoke to me too Helen – ” I give her the space to love me’ – I am in that process too and bit by bit it is unfolding beautifully.
Anonymous, this is beautifully shared. I can feel the dedication you have for bringing love into your life and take the opportunities to deepen this love.
Thank you anonymous. Relationships with parents can be complicated, a common feature being blame and judgement we hold against them for one thing or another. I was no different. For me the beginning of a change in the relationship with my Mother came when I expressed myself honestly for the first time. instead of allowing my Mother to impose’ herself on me, (extended annual visits over fifteen years), one year, I refused an assumption that she would stay with me when in England This simple movement reflected a deep feeling I had of not wanting to be taken for granted and dis-regarded. At the time some people thought i was being unloving, yet saying No to her, meant saying Yes to me. It gave me the space I needed to observe my Mother and connect with her as never before. For the first time I saw her own insecurities. Very soon after this I partly reconciled my own hurts in relation to her, opened up and apologised for all hurtful things I may have said or done. This laid a new foundation and we communicated differently and more lovingly in the years before she died. To appreciate my Mother more, I first had to appreciate and have regard for myself. I now see that had I lived with deeper self regard and and love in my body as a young woman, i would not have been over-whelmed by my Mother in the first place.
Thank you Kehinde this brings another dimension to understanding my relationship with my mother and what is said here I can relate to “To appreciate my Mother more, I first had to appreciate and have regard for myself. I now see that had I lived with deeper self regard and love in my body as a young woman, I would not have been over-whelmed by my Mother in the first place.”
Thank you for your sharing Kehinde, I deeply feel all you expressed and I know what it is like when the relationship is rather difficult. I love your honesty here – ‘To appreciate my Mother more, I first had to appreciate and have regard for myself.” This is so important and something we can all look into within ourselves more – the love that opens up is worth every step.
A very inspirational piece that shows us that, no matter how hurt we appear to be, we are never in-truth that far from the love that we are. All we need do is let down the walls we have built that we think ‘keep us safe’ but in fact keep us imprisoned and far from the reach of others who are also of this great love.
This is a beautiful testimony to the fact that life is about learning to be love in relationships. When relationships are not working then we need to look at what our part is as we can all learn so very much from each other; or we can choose to pull away. Great sharing Anonymous.
When we’re not willing to be open and ask what’s up when another person is a little off, it’s because we’re not willing, usually, to look at how we’ve contributed to the situation, so we hide in protection and wait for the storm to pass. But when we do this nothing ever changes, we learn nothing, and it keeps happening. True change in relationships comes from both people being willing to go there, to open up and express what they can feel and see in another. It is awesome what is reflected back to us in relationships.
What a beautiful sharing, on your beautiful relationship, between you and your mum. Isn’t it amazing, how by opening up to the other person, in your case your mum, it can change the whole dynamics, of a relationship between two people. You have opened up to your mum, and let her fully see who you are; which actually supported your mum to open up and let you see her too. This is true intimacy..beautiful.
This is beautiful to read and feel the opening process between you and your mom. It is amazing how we can become caught up in our hurts within families to the point that we lose sight of the amazing love that is always between us all. I know I have been through this process with my own parents. It was like I was expecting them to apologise so that I could let them off for my own problems that I was creating. Needless that has all changed and our relationship is deepening all the time now.
Michael what a beautiful sharing that so many can relate to, the fact we stay closed up because we are hurt, that we don’t treat each person and each moment afresh and with that we loose out and so does society. Life is tough but its how we are with it that counts, its also interesting how the closer people are to us the more we can build brick walls to stop the depth of love that the relationship has the potential to offer.
Wow, this is absolutely beautiful. There is not one ounce of blame or regret in your sharing, it is full of love, understanding and expansion. It is exquisite to read and deeply inspiring, showing us what it feels and looks like when we truly open up to our loved ones, and allowing ourselves and others the space to go deeper with intimacy.
Beautiful account of how we can truly heal the childhood hurts and judgments we carry around and that it is never too late. I have talked to many students of the Ageless Wisdom who have developed great and loving relationships with their parents because they have been inspired by the truth of what they hear and feel and have put it into practice.
So true, and also the moment we can feel into our hurts and recognise how long we have been holding things and are able to just let them go lovingly, the ripple effect is so beautiful, miracles can happen in many difficult relationships.
I am one of those students of the Ageless Wisdom, and I too am beginning to open up, and deepen the relationship with my family and it has certainly taken a weight off my shoulders after carrying around what felt like a heavy burden (self imposed) since childhood. So definitely worth putting into practice!
Beautiful and very touching blog Anonymous. I love how you took the risk and opened up to your mum, discovering that she like you was ready and willing to be with you in the same way! We do not resist love…
So true – “We do not resist love…” – when love is expressed in a holding we can not but feel the pull towards it.
This is a really beautiful blog. My mother is dead and it is great to see the possibility of a healing.
Any distance felt with any person is a distance first felt with myself that I would go back, appreciate the call and look at. Where can I continuously deepen? Every relationship impacts on all other relationships (this becomes so much clearer when expected pictures of how others respond or not are dropped) and therefore taking the responsibility in relationship with myself first is wise.
So true Adele – “any distance felt with any person is a distance first felt with myself”. We cannot blame anyone for us living less than the love we know we are.
‘taking the responsibility in relationship with myself first is wise…’ very wise indeed I would say Adele. For years I have blamed others for not loving me enough, when all along it was me that was keeping them out! What a revelation that was, so now I can work at, or should I say allow, myself to open up and let them in and deepen all my relationships starting of course, with the one with myself. No more shying away, it’s time to take responsibility, deal with my stuff, reflect love to them and let them in. After all they are not scary monsters (I used to think so), they are my family and we all deserve to feel the love that we truly are – isn’t that what we’re all here for?
I find it amazing how easy it can be to blame others for my problems or what is going on. Even though I know it may not all make sense somehow the stories can convince me otherwise and effectively distract me and take me away from taking responsibility. But as you say: ‘Any distance felt with any person is a distance first felt with myself’ and so it is my responsibility to say ok how am I living and what choices have I made rather then 1st looking to the other person.
How lovely to have been honest and open with your Mom. In doing that you were able to see your Mom in a different light. I guess that shows the power of expression.
This is so beautiful. I’m simply basking in the love you have shared here in so much celebration, and feeling inspired to open up more, and more again to really let my family and everyone else in in full — and then more again because love never ends, it simply deepens.
Lovely – “… love never ends, it simply deepens.” – Awesome statement and so true to feel.