Parenting today is a completely different ball game to parenting 20 years ago. Today we have the advance of the technological era in the mix: Snap chatting, Instagram, Musical.ly, Facebook and many more social media influences in our children’s lives that are literally there and accessible 24/7, with messages popping up every few minutes tempting them to engage.
I am a mother and teacher. In the last few years and progressively more today, I can see and feel the pressures and imposition of technology and the way it is being used by our next generation.
Yes, children need to move with the times and keep up with their education, be computer savvy, know how to update, research and produce assessments, however, this does not mean that they should lose their playfulness, lightness, ability to have a real face to face conversation and know they are a gem of a child. I see the loss of all of the above happening across the board with children because of their absorption into the social media world.
I remember in university how one educator shared the idea of the ‘television’ being the uninvited guest into our homes, and how our lounge rooms all faced towards this one uninvited guest. This point stayed with me and I began to realise the intrusiveness of this set-up and what we were inviting into our living rooms.
So from this presented point, I have since designed my living areas to not face the TV, but to face each other. The point of my sharing this with you is that back then it was a shock to me that I had chosen to be part of inviting this uninvited guest into my home each day, just through the way I set the furniture around, setting people up to face the TV and not each other… so you can imagine the shock when I became aware of just how disconnected our young are through the way they are engaging in technology and social media. It is filtering into every facet of their lives and is sold to them as the ‘way of connecting’.
Is the social media world today a reflection of our disconnection within humanity or is our disconnection in humanity a reflection of the much reduced level of connection we are accepting today from our participation in the social media world?
As a parent and teacher, I see and feel…
- Children (as young as 8 through to teens) learning that connecting with people is through typing on a phone or on social media. No longer are many kids confident to have chats together and connect through play, call each other up, or meet up just to be around each other.
- Children relying on their phones like they are a safety blanket. It is disturbing to speak to children and hear how anxious they feel without their phone or how it feels like a family member has left them when they don’t have it.
- Children being ‘acceptably’ bullied by other children and even accessed inappropriately by unknown people through social media sites… and the children, or their parents, not doing anything about it because the children want to be part of that communication and don’t want to lose what they think is connection.
- Children being sold the belief that they will be out of the social circles at school or in their friendship groups if they haven’t kept up with the chats that have gone on during the evenings.
- Children spending more time on devices rather than just being allowed to be children or being lovingly interacted with. Children being given phones, iPads, Xboxes etc. to play on in their bedrooms, in their lounge rooms, in the car, when mum or dad need quiet or space or are busy. Is it any wonder that when they become pre-teen or teens that their devices and social media become their world and their attitude towards the adults around them is then a reflection of the previous years of lack of true connection?
- Children without their natural confidence and truly joyful smiles and laughs on their faces.
In a nutshell, a lot of children are becoming more familiar with the virtual or social media world and are losing their beautiful way of naturally engaging and relating to others.
We all, each and every adult on this planet, have a responsibility to connect fully to children so they know what true connection is, so they can then bring that to the social media sites if they so choose, but not because they need to or feel less without it.
Parenting for me today is about connecting to, living from and parenting from my deep inner wisdom.
It is with deep thanks and appreciation to Serge Benhayon, the presentations of Universal Medicine and my being willing and open, that I have over the years implemented self-care tools that today allow me to stand in and live, without perfection, the wisdom within. Meaning, I know I have all the answers inside of me; I just need to take the responsibility to remain with the clarity of my heart by purposefully caring for my body and from here, parenting becomes simple, even in a world of out-of-control technology and social media stimulations.
Parenting and teaching from my inner-wisdom allows me:
- To confirm the gem and grandness of children to them, highlighting who they truly are instead of it being about what they do.
- To express fully to children, like yesterday sharing with a gorgeous relative of mine how magical it was to watch her dance and play in the shallow waves at the beach as if no one was looking and to appreciate the playfulness that is there.
- To make sitting, chatting, holding, engaging with our eyes part of our everyday communications with each other – and providing the space for children to feel that this is true communication so that it becomes a marker in their body, allowing them to know without doubt when they are, or are not met, with that level of connection. From here they are supported to bring that connection to others.
- To have open and honest chats that explore things, like how certain food makes us feel, certain environments etc., or when we notice if someone in our family is acting different and then to be a supportive enquirer.
- To educate and speak about everything in life, and support children to trust their feelings to equip them with the ability to choose and know that there is a way to honour these feelings.
- To feel comfortable not being the most popular parent or teacher when you feel from the depths of your body that a particular App, or even having a screen phone, is not supportive at the moment. Saying a loving ‘No’ is parenting which can support children to grow up with a deep connection to themselves and others.
- To be the loving listening ear when things come up that need discussing or to be shared. Believe me, a lot happens for 10 -13 year olds, much more than when I was that age. Growing up is tough today and when you grow up with engagement and connection, you also see and feel the lack of it around you… and that can be tricky at times.
- To allow kids to practise having responsibility, physically, through household chores, but also with taking responsibility for their actions or way of communicating… and that means that consequences need to be felt and not watered down or glossed over.
- To support children to see and feel that sometimes, if someone doesn’t accept you because you are not participating in the thing they are doing, it is not you they are rejecting, but the fact you are not enjoining them in that unsupportive activity.
- To treat kids as equal, wise, gorgeous, precious and divine beings, knowing that even though our activities or responsibilities may differ, we all bring our own unique flavors and qualities.
- To live and reflect a living way that is true love and true religion in itself, with children being brought up knowing that they are equal Sons of God who can equally keep their light shining bright.
All children grow up. They become our next teachers, doctors, construction workers, health workers, lawyers, social workers and so on… and it is well worth supporting them to be able to truly and comfortably relate to, and care about people, for our future generations are one day going to look up to them for guidance. And if we are open to the divine cycles of reincarnation, it will be us returning to be guided by them.
So what light are we leaving behind for us to return to? Perhaps this is the grander question to consider.
By Johanna Smith, Bachelor of Education (Major Special Needs, Minor Psychology), Certificate of Early Childhood Education, Complementary Health – Esoteric Practitioner, Student of Counselling Diploma
Further Reading:
Do Our Kids Want a ‘Better Life’ or a ‘Connected Life’?
Technology: Are you Connected?
Pornography: Time to Say ENOUGH!
“So what light are we leaving behind for us to return to?” This question brings the realisation of responsibility in parenting all children to understand and appreciate connection with each other in person is a world away from the disconnection through a screen.
Children learn from the adults around them and if the adults are all on their phones it communicates to the kids that such is acceptable. Go on any public bus, tube, rail and look at those around you, I reckon over 80% will be staring at a phone/device. Connecting and pulling ourselves off our screens comes first.
Thank you for that gem Johanna, I can see that the way we communicate is part and parcel of their education to grow up and we have a responsibility to model decent and respectful communication.
This is a great question for us to ponder on, ‘what light are we leaving behind for us to return to?’
Johanna, thank you for writing this. It is a really needed debate. I see the effects of technology on children and have observed that there is a lack of being able to truly love and communicate with each other, particularly as children get older. A lot of the conversation seems to be around what games children have played, this is with children as young as 7, sometimes even younger.
I know I am being supported 200% in my life even when it is challenging. I live open as much as possible to what is true for me and when I sense things I am confirmed as I am after reading this blog. Supporting my kids to accept the lack of connection in the world is not easy but it is a necessary part of their journey. Through the learning they become aware of a deeper sense of their knowing who they truly are and learn to accept people and where they are at in the world.
Oh my this is so serious, what type of world are we bringing our children into?
Addiction to social media is HUGE and the type of energy that comes with this stuff can be super super super harming.
Why are we not noticing that already mental illness rates and rates of self harm are soaring amongst our young?
Absolutely Sam, why has no one put two and two together to realise the connection between addiction to technology and mental health issues rising?
Your blog is a great guide for parents to truly connect to their children (and themselves) to raise and support them to be confident and responsible adults in the future. ‘To educate and speak about everything in life, and support children to trust their feelings to equip them with the ability to choose and know that there is a way to honour these feelings.’ What you’ve shared with these valuable points is so needed in a society that has lost its true way of living all together. It is time to grow up for all of us.
Yes, if we have these conversations with our children, they then learn to value their voice and consider the impact of what is happening in the world. They become engaged citizens.
“Parenting for me today is about connecting to, living from and parenting from my deep inner wisdom.” Yay sooo good to hear, if we don’t parent this way we really need to ask where are we coming from and what harm are we actually causing.
Our little ones have never watched TV and occasionally look at photos and videos of them on our phones. We’ve taken the view that they don’t need them at this age – yes, it can be tough when they’re kicking off and you know you can put them in front of a screen, but it’s like we’re investing in their own well being and ability to manage their feelings.
“In a nutshell, a lot of children are becoming more familiar with the virtual or social media world and are losing their beautiful way of naturally engaging and relating to others.”
Super super sad is this, I see this first had when I go into schools to work with children – time will indeed show the horrific harm that this kind of disconnection and checking does on the developing child.
I am so glad I did not grow up under 10 with the amount of screens that kids do now. In my teens and early twenties I was fully into video gaming and soical media and it does destroy relationships and I do not say this flippantly. Screen time is damaging people when we believe we can connect through it to others. Yes we can converse but that meeting of another essence is heavily obscured through a screen.
Yes, we see the image they project rather than who they truly are and although it is still possible to see and hear the frustration or the sadness, they often only feel safe to communicate that online or, more often than not, anonymously. I agree, I can see we are on a worrying trajectory.
With the rise of technology children are being exposed and bombarded from all sides, no wonder a huge percentage of children are experiencing anxiety in their lives, a common complaint from children is that their parents are not there for them, as they are being distracted by technology themselves. What you have set out as a true way to parent is amazing and enormous in the building of a society that honours who we truly are first and foremost, so much needed in society today, for what type of society are we setting up for the future if changes are not made.
Gorgeously shared Johanna. It is all about the quality of our connection, the quality of vibration we are aligning to at any given moment as this is what we reflect and offer to any child we are with. For in truth, whenever any of us as adults are with a child we are parenting, and as such offering an opportunity to meet, support, foster and reflect all that is true of that child’s Soulful essence, so that they can feel, explore and learn to live all of who they are with confidence and connection to their innate wisdom. This is for sure how we live our future as with this way of being with children, we are holding true the vibration of love as the foundation of our livingness as a humanity as such, this livingness will continue to be shared, deepen and evolve through each life lived.
Sometimes what becomes so normal is not normal and I often wonder what is going on if we were to take a step back and observe us all wandering around staring at screens, or being fed stuff – images, emotions, ideas – through the medium of TV and music. We maybe choosing all this but aren’t we a little like puppets following what’s being fed to us?
“Saying a loving ‘No’ is parenting which can support children to grow up with a deep connection to themselves and others.”
Not only does a loving ‘No’ support children to grow up with a deep connection to themselves and others but also show’s them the power of responding and activating what you as a parent know and feel to be true.
As a parent myself I am constantly learning the importance of being unwavering in this ‘No’
When i waver its often stems from a need to be liked which leaves things messy and unresolved for everyone.
My best memories from childhood all involve being outside in nature, generally by the sea because we spent so much time by the coast but always outside and never in front of a screen.
‘That means that consequences need to be felt and not watered down or glossed over’, it can be incredibly tempting to gloss over a consequence, or water it down particularly when we are tired but when we allow children to feel the impact of their choices we also allow them to connect to their fragility and innate preciousness within.
We have turned parenting into a really complicated and fraught job, focussing on the struggles, getting it right or wrong, the guilt and expectation. Could it be that it is simply about living in a way that reflects the joy of responsibility and connecting with children openly, honestly, respectfully and as equal students of life?
“So what light are we leaving behind for us to return to? Perhaps this is the grander question to consider.” If we opened up to the possibility of reincarnation and the fact we come back again and again I am sure many of us would think differently about the way we educate our children.
Very true Sam. With this it seems that there is such resistance to be open to the possibility of re-incarnation because of the self-responsibility that this awareness also calls for.
The way technology is used today is a symptom of an unsaid and widely recognised illness – the illness of separation from ourselves and each other.
Now is definitely the time to review our use of the internet and social media, before we end up with a whole generation of kids who don’t know how to be in human relationship.
I came across a new term recently – ‘persuasive technology’ – to describe how companies are using psychology to influence young people and get them hooked on social media and online gaming. What is the world coming to..?
Johanna, I love what you are sharing here; ‘ I just need to take the responsibility to remain with the clarity of my heart by purposefully caring for my body and from here, parenting becomes simple, even in a world of out-of-control technology and social media stimulations.’ This feels really simple, I have noticed that if I feel well that everything feels much clearer and easier, if I’m tired I can feel disconnected and am more likely to be in doubt as to what to say or do when it comes to parenting and other areas of my life.
Yes so much is happening and there is a lot bombarding and influencing our teens (and younger children) everyday. I was just sharing with another parent today that like all of us, they are going to have their own experiences of making choices but while they live with us we are going to say no to things that do not support…like going for sleepovers or playing games all night. Even though this is against the norm among friends and other teens it’s important for us to feel what is true and going with it… sometimes easier said then done.
The other day I was talking to a lovely lady in a hair and beauty shop who was telling me she has young girls around 11 years old wanting to shave off the eye brows, a young women herself she told me she couldn’t believe how many young girls come in completely obsessed with how they look.
Much of this is to do with social media and the intense pressure that children are now subjected to.
There is so much in this blog that I feel I am only just scratching the surface, each paragraph could be a discussion point! We have a responsibility for how we parent our children from you, what devices we give them and knowing why we are giving it to them. If we have used it as childcare or a soother, we should not be surprised when they need it to occupy themselves or soothe themselves as a teenager into adult life.
” And if we are open to the divine cycles of reincarnation, it will be us returning to be guided by them. ”
This is very important to understand , for the living of irresponsibility will be that which greets us when we will return in re-incarnation.
The safety blanket of phones is a reminder that they are seeking safety outside their home. Could this be a reflection of the levels of responsibility being modelled in the home?
This is a great question to ponder on, what came first, and what feeds the other, ‘Is the social media world today a reflection of our disconnection within humanity or is our disconnection in humanity a reflection of the much reduced level of connection we are accepting today from our participation in the social media world?’
I left my television behind when I moved into a new home 14 years ago and haven’t looked back. As a child growing up in Europe, we had two tv channels and we watched two programs on the weekend. We moved to the States when I was 13 where television was available 20 hours a day, seven days a week. I can remember the feeling in my body from watching so much television – I felt like the flow in my body was altered, like it had been speeded up and it felt like my body no longer belonged to me. It was the most uncomfortable feeling and I can relate to children these days feeling anxiety in their bodies and not being able to cope. Not only is the television an uninvited guest in our homes, it becomes an uninvited guest in our bodies over time as well.
Well said Brigette, “Not only is the television an uninvited guest in our homes, it becomes an uninvited guest in our bodies over time as well.”, we could replace television with food, substances, video games, social media etc., all affecting our bodies in many ways. When I watch TV I feel awful after, like I’ve been drugged and feel like I’ve been in a time warp….there is nothing innocent about that.
This is an important reflection on the impact of TV on our bodies and nowadays we are talking about 24/7 access to screens. This makes a lot of sense of the increasing occurrence of attention disorders and disquiet in our young people’s bodies.
This is such a relevant blog in the world of not only our children, but of ours as adults as well. What kind of example are we setting for our children if we as the parent can’t put our phone down/drag ourself away from social media long enough to truly connect with our children and those around us? Thank you, Johanna, for raising this most relevant issue and starting a conversation on a subject that is so crucial to the quality of and love in our lives.
Last night at dinner a friend was talking about her experience working with kids and how she noticed that when the kids went to the beach they were very uncoordinated in their body because of disconnecting from the body through using excessive technology. When we disconnect from the body we have no anchor any more in which to navigate life.
Johanna this is a much needed conversation as I have been reading the statistics on young children to teenagers and it is grim reading, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, suicides, bullying, inappropriate sex, mental illness. what on earth is happening to our young people? In a video I watched recently young people were quite openly talking about their anxieties about life and how they felt unable to cope with the pressure, but there doesn’t seem any true support for them and surely this starts with us their parents?
The way life was when I grew up is not the same anymore, through mixing of cultures and the internet and social media the strength of sexism and misogyny is being more and more visible again. Some people fear this but in fact it is a good thing that what was rotting underneath the surface is being brought out into the daylight and stronger stances are needed to be taken.
‘ ‘television’ being the uninvited guest into our homes, and how our lounge rooms all faced towards this one uninvited guest.’ I love this and even if we put aside all other online distractions just looking at the role TV plays in peoples lives is enormous. And it is so true our whole living space is often centred around the TV instead of all those in the household.
Yes it is great to consider that the children that are now raised with all the technology and social media are going to be the future adults that will lead our society. Until now we have never had this level of disconnection between kids and this much violence, bullying and porn, etc available before. And we should not be ignorant to this fact but bring true connection as in human to human and also on the internet everywhere we go. That is our own responsibility.
Goodness you have given me so much to consider in this blog. So much of what we share with our children is about connection and what that feels like in our bodies, we get a dopamine hit from it and that feeling is addictive to the brain. So we are going to see where we get the best ‘hit’ and nurture that. If we get approval and connection from social media, or we have used social media to medicate not getting connection from those closest to us then our social media becomes vitally important to our wellbeing.
I’d say no matter what the age we can all benefit from the life lessons in the second bullet pointed list you’ve shared Johanna. Reading them today was a welcome reminder for myself.
If the internet was a place with no ounce of abuse, technology would probably not have the impact it does today on so many. Although we may not see or interact directly with abuse, hate or dishonouring content in anyway online, it does not mean we are left free from the harm the energy of the internet has. Would you be ok with your child sitting next door to a criminal or sexual abuser and not be aware of it? This is exactly what happens on the internet only it is behind a screen physically remote from the harm. Talking and opening a child up to expressing what they feel is super duper important
I agree, children crave being met and connected to, ‘We all, each and every adult on this planet, have a responsibility to connect fully to children so they know that true connection’.
Such an interesting article. Even my 18 month old I can see how she already knows what a phone is and wants to go to it because I use it. So it has been a reflection for us to put the phone away and connect with her so she does not search for another type of connection.
It is the ultimate irony of social media that this platform is all about connection, meanwhile separating us from the day to day and everything that is outside of the smartphone or computer.
Very true Johanna, we do have all the answers from within. I have to remind myself sometimes of this truth when I find myself challenged raising children but when I come back to myself choosing responsibility for the choices I have made I am steady knowing that whatever comes my way I can handle. It is not about perfection or having regrets about what I should or should not have done but to see myself as a student learning, growing, making mistakes along the way without judgement as part of my unfolding; a path to welcome and embrace in every moment to the best of my ability.
With every year we go round and around the sun, it’s like with each pass the issues and things that we do that aren’t love get magnified, highlighted and turned up. Every new generation seems to inherit a landscape that’s more intense and more geared than ever before to knock their light out. But what if this intensity wasn’t to do with ‘technological advances’ but more with our resistance to evolution? If this is the case then we should know that the world has a way of correcting us so, we eventually start to look at and embody the real reason we are here. God thankfully doesn’t need an app for that. Thank you Johanna.
“To feel comfortable not being the most popular parent or teacher when you feel from the depths of your body that a particular App, or even having a screen phone, is not supportive at the moment. Saying a loving ‘No’ is parenting which can support children to grow up with a deep connection to themselves and others.” – Perhaps this is one of the most difficult things for parents to do for their children these days, as I have witnessed more and more parents reverting to using an iPad or cell phone to practically raise there children and not take the time to connect with them and teach basic relationship skills that Johanna has described here extensively. On a recent visit with my family, a nephew of mine was given an iPad to watch movies while eating. When I attempted to put it away so we could sit and be with each other while eating, he immediately went into a complete meltdown temper tantrum as if he was physically addicted to having the screen in front of him. This was really disturbing to me because it really hit home the extent to which this issue is truly damaging to our youth and adults alike. It’s time that we looked more honestly at its effects and adopted the methods that Johanna has laid out to reconnect with our youth and support them in truth.
Love and only love is what truly changes anything. No pictures of how it can be done. But love in each and every moment without expectations of what would or would not happen will be the only true change.
Love the no pictures comment Adele. If we fixate on how we used to parent in the past, it’s never going to keep pace with the changing world that we live in and our kids are growing up in. We simply have to feel what is the right thing to do for them in any given situation.
It makes sense that kids are obsessed with these devices because there are not many people there who are really willing to connect with them so kids turn to the alternative. I have seen kids raised without this, where connection is the focus in the homes and it has been amazing to see the stark contrast. These kids are alive, have a sense of fun, can engage with others, are interested in other people, can sit at the dinner table and join conversations etc. On the other hand where connection is not there and devices are in its place, with these kids there is a haziness, there is not a spark in the eyes, these kids are more irritable, more prone to meltdowns, are not that interested in others and rarely take their eyes off the screen, at dinner time the screen is close to hand.
Yes, sadly I have experienced the same and been responsible for not picking that up sooner as well. Now it is a case of undoing the damage of not being engaged enough to see it creep in because I, for one, want young people to be able to engage, connect, feel the aliveness in themselves and not in a device. We have to feel that difference in ourselves first though…
Having a TV in our homes is actually a constant opening to the outside world. As my home is a place to rest and to repose, which is absolutely connecting with my body to then be able to be very solid out in this world, a TV is not supportive for me. The constant distraction with any kind of multimedia puts your body under constant nervous tension. Humanity gets actually constantly trained and hooked into looking outside instead of the inside.
It’s amazing how naturally from such a young age we are making life about people, and life is experienced by what people are like to us and what they do – but then we begin to feed children a secondary existence through mediums like television, radio, and even education which makes us relate to life through pictures and mental contracts rather than the full impulse of our being which is so natural as a child.
True Harrison! The innocence of a child gets poisoned by the vibrations of the multimedia industry. It is an insidious way to infiltrate beliefs and pictures through actual moving pictures. For example- the “good” fables that shall entertain kids do already tell them false love stories, that adults may still pursue wanting to be fulfilled one day.
The other day I read that 46% of parents didn’t know how to put parental controls on their children’s phones, and while I was looking for a photo of children using their phones in images, within one scroll onto the next page of images I came across full blown porn.
How we interact with technology and the quality that we live in is what we model to children. In particular how we use entertainment as a means to seek relief from life and its tensions.
It’s a great point you make here Johanna; our children will grow up to be the next teacher, doctor, office worker, but what quality of life are they to look forward to.
Interestingly, in the past month a few of the ex top managers of Facebook have come forward to share their concern about what social media is doing to children’s brains, and to recommend very careful usage of the many digital platforms.
Kids don’t need protection, they need education (true education) and discipline.
True Michael – and confirmation of the wisdom they already have, they would teach us things If we let them.
I really like your theory of the ‘uninvited guest’; we often complain that there isn’t enough time in the day to spend with family or work on our relationships, talk through things and ‘hang out’, but what if we added up all the time spent with our television friend? By this measure for a lot of people our greatest relationship is with this guest!
Absolutely Susie. And I totally agree – time to work on relationships and hang out/talk through things is so important, and we have forgotten that quality time can be spent in all of life activities together like cooking, walking, driving, getting ready for work etc – Buying into the allure of Television has made ‘normal life’ seem like a chore and boring and hence why we seek rewards.
My children are young, some of their friends have technology to hand daily, they do not, our choice is to limit it. However I have access to it and I am very aware that I am a role model and setting the example concerning screen time and responsible use. Something we parents do have, the power to deliver and monitor our relationship with technology.
It is now considered quite normal for parents to be out with their children, completely ignoring them, apart from admonishing them occasionally, whilst the parents are in lengthy conversations on their mobile phones. There is a look in the eyes of the majority of these children which is so far away from their natural exuberance and joy – as if a heavy curtain has been pulled across their heart to not show the pain felt in not being met in full for the beautiful beings that they are.
What are we fostering for future generations?
When i was growing up, the best pacifier you could get was a dummy, because it was sucked on in the mouth, it was great for keeping children quiet and occupied – compare that to what we have now in the form of technology baby sitters with children able to use an iPad before they can walk and we can see how quickly things have escalated. Parents who do not know how to handle the intensity of raising children will find the escape goat of technology very tempting and in many ways it is – when your list of things to do it growing, and you feel exhausted and overwhelmed, and you know sticking the kids in front of the TV or iPad will give you guaranteed time to get stuff done, it seems like a no brainer? But we are not considering the impact on the children and that they need to truly be raised and connected with, not taught that checking out is the answer in life
Thank you for your great sharing Johanna. I feel the truth of what you share here. We are indeed creating through our children the world we will return to.
‘I began to realise the intrusiveness of this set-up and what we were inviting into our living rooms.’ The set-up of the computer, tablets and games is now a thousand-fold more intrusive than the TV used to be. For now, they are in our lives big time and being aware of the impact is great support to lessen the intensity.
The Internet itself is not bad, but it is how we have allowed it to be used that is causing the issues.
Great expansion on this point Gill. Very true.
Yes I agree, Johanna. The internet can be a great resource for all of us, so long as we do not use it to fill the void of not having true connection in our lives.
Technology is the new shiny toy that just keeps getting better by the day for what it can do for us We now have IOT the Internet of things. Now even old dumb things can be connected to the internet! There are driverless electric cars. There is a robot that can jump and do flips like an acrobat without falling over. When we replace ourselves, what will we have left to do? May we have to start talking to each other face to face again?
And the thing is, the inexorable progress of Artificial Intelligence, the so called next step, means that our communication and connection will be essential for us to retain our true nature.
Children now often have access through their phones to some absolutely horrendous material, we as adults have not created a safe space for them on line and as a result we will see mental health statistics rise amongst many children.
I was discussing with a fellow parent last night about how parenting teenagers requires a very different kind of focus, and how important it is to keep the flow of conversation open and transparent. I have a very mature 11year old who having started secondary school feels very like a teenager. What I value in our relationship is our equality and how i talk to him to about how i’ve messed up or how vulnerable i might be feeling and i see that this allows him to feel that he can share safely without judgment or criticism.
Beautiful Lucinda. I recently took my daughter’s phone off her for good. She is only 8 nearly 9 so it’s no big deal but she was cross and saying everyone else has phones, but I shared that I felt I had made a mistake giving her it, that I knew a lot more about the harm it does to the brain etc and I wouldn’t give her drugs just because everyone else was and she has been really good about it.
There is nothing like a deep and rich conversation or interaction with people/others, where you are truly sharing in an open and engaging way about everyday events and life, be it about issues, or just enjoying the moment with everyone. You just can’t get that from a computer screen or tv. You may get the feel good, satisfy my pictures or ideals kind of buzz but that is short lived and you’re left with the emptiness you started with before that.
This is such an important topic, and I agree that the use of digital technologies needs to be reviewed with the younger generations, but also for ourselves.
This is a great point Janet for what we need to understand is that we as adults created the world our children are living in. Are we willing to change our own habits and needs for the benefit of our children?
As you say Johanna, ‘all children grow up’. And someday we will come back to be guided by them, so it would be a good exercise revising these questions… How are we guiding them today? What role models we are for them today? We are constantly spreading in their lives with the reflection of our life, with what we promote, with what we allow, … Everything we consume leaves an imprint that will reside forever in them. Are we aware enough of that? Are we promoting what supports or alienates them? We as adults have much to say, and I know it’s not easy, as the external stimulation is huge. But just taking care of ourselves, putting some limits to the exposure to technology, offering to them a reflection of love and respect, would be a great marker for them to feel, know and come back to themselves.
Social media is totally changing the landscape of our lives, and is there for having a major impact on our children and how they grow up – we can’t leave it to our schools to education and raise our children. The internet does offer us a lot of opportunities, if we can emphasise the importance of truly communicating
Absolute we cannot expect our schools to educate our children about good social media habits. The buck well and truly stops with us adults collectively. Even if you don’t have your own kids how you are out in the world influences our young. Do we sit on public transport connected to purpose open to the world around us or are we checked out and taken into the latest scroll that took our fancy. I often wonder what sense of the world our toddlers are making. I don’t think it takes a genius to work out the impact is mostly negative.
The games young children play have a lot of emphasis on having phone on them, it is as though they see us adults with ours every day and so think it is an essential part of life. I agree we all need to be technologically aware, but I also can see that we need to understand how we are with technology and how honest we are with the habits we have around it. It serves a purpose, but do we use it to check out, to make false relationships and numb ourselves, well then there is another issue.
To me it feels like this is just a continuation of living life through distraction. First we had one television and then we had one for the children or for each of the children, then we had a computer and then one for each person in the home and the same with mobile phones etc. now we have all the technology at our fingertips no matter whether we are at home or away from home. Is it all an avoidance to not communicate or truly express with each other? It makes me wonder how advanced humanity truly is when we give our lives and our children’s over to relying on technology to fulfil us and how does this truly serve humanity. I appreciate your points of what true parenting and teaching can be Johanna and feel how vital they are for us to relate and support our children in these ways. “To make sitting, chatting, holding, engaging with our eyes part of our everyday communications with each other – and providing the space for children to feel this is true communication so that it becomes a marker in their body.”
Everything in the macro situation is a reflection of what is in the micro situation. Children are much more in their fullness when parents are also living that, and therefore parents are respected and children are equally respected in opening up conversations such as the above. This is the foundation towards any true change.
I recently watched a clip from a comedian about iPads being these amazing things to shut children up – while in a way funny, more so for me it was a painfully true account of how much we are currently giving over the raising of our children to technology
Anything we watch on a screen can be such a distraction when we allow ourselves to get caught in the virtual reality at the expense of the reality of our daily practical lives and responsibilities.
I really love your blog- every teacher should read this- this is true education!…. Children need true role models. Lets start being one.
This article is a road map for any parent. Connection, being aware of our children and innately aware of their being-ness, and when they loose connection with themselves in the harrows of every day life is the only thing we need to focus on as parents. Keeping in our mind that the only thing that matters is that our children grow up in todays world knowing who they are.
The technological age is something so different in our lives to before and parenting with this is very important for children to know real connection and love . This is our responsibility as adults to show this and live it for ourselves also.
Social media and use of technology reduces quality of connection… it does not enhance it. The amount, of hours that we as adults spend on our devices is something like 10 hours a day and for children approx. 6 hours… that’s a whole lot of communication time lost interacting with others.
I agree with the teacher who said that the TV was an uninvited guest into the home, and unfortunately that guest can be demanding with how much attention it gets. It doesn’t bear to dwell on how many hours are spent wasted and numbing ourselves per week, and we talk about the effects of class A drugs, surely the TV should be at the top of this list.
The Soul, not ‘the screen’, is the true parent. Too often we hand our children over to technology without first laying a solid foundation of love, care, connection and truth which serves to guide them as they navigate their way through life.
I agree that these days the computer games console or the tablet or smart phone has become the ‘disruptive guest’ into homes the same as TV was and still is. However what this blog illustrates is that this guest is not exactly uninvited as we do have a choice to allow these things to dominate our homes or not.
I manage large groups of people and often staff are sick or not able to get to work and replacing someone last minute becomes imperative that I solve the issue and that requires phone use and computer use. When I call my daughter to account about spending too much time on her phone, I feel this smugness that comes as a “like you can talk, you are in your phone all the time”
I am trying to educate her that, yes, I am on my phone a bit but it carries a necessary purpose but to her,she argues that her conversations are equally important and purposeful.
It is a whole new social world they are living in; the same things go on as when I was young but they are on different platforms. It is very interesting to observe all of this. My daughter in not allowed on certain platforms, such as Musically, Facebook or Snap chat due to a feeling my husband and I have about them. I am not claiming to have the answers but I am trying to figure out my own boundaries with my phone use, in order to become more of a positive role model for my daughter.
How often, is it said that one of the most expensive items we will ever have is children and doesn’t even come with instructions? What if your list Johanna, on the parenting and teaching from our inner-wisdom, was issued with every new child in their care an well-being?
Every thing is always a reflection of our connection to the all or our disconnection, where have we have reinterpreted or separated in order to reinforce our individualism.
Most of us get messed up because we have not been truly met by our parents or adults in general, so in these times when parents find it so much easier to allow their kids so much screen time, we are looking at having some pretty messed adults in the future unless we have a massive turn around and return to truly connecting with our kids instead of fobbing them off with the telly or iPad.
It is so great to be discussing our concerns about the impact of the digital age, as there are measures we can take now to encourage the younger generations look up from their iPhones and connect to themselves, each other and the beauty of life around them. In an experiment I read about where young people were taken on a residential trip steeped in nature and without technology, they protested for the first day and then thoroughly enjoyed themselves.
‘Is the social media world today a reflection of our disconnection within humanity or is our disconnection in humanity a reflection of the much reduced level of connection we are accepting today from our participation in the social media world?’ – it’s the chicken and the egg question, it’s both, one feeds the other. Now more than ever, it’s up to each and every one of us to live and reflect the power and beauty in true connection with each other.
The grandness of what is offered here is enormous and something much needed to be brought to our attention and to see the bigger picture and our responsibility wth it. A brilliant sharing bringing so much wisdom and insight to our children our lives and our future in the world today and where this is all heading if we do not recognise what is happening and offer true connection with our children and each other.
So this is an invitation (aka urgent call) for us all to take responsibility for the way we behave online, setting standards that are inspiring for our young people as they navigate their way through the ever changing pressures of online life.
I feel how much children want to be listened to and how much we miss out on this communication in the fast paced distracted world we are currently living. Learning alongside children is very humbling when I can be honest about those moments I do not give them my full care and attention.
To me, this is one of the most pressing challenges we face as parents, teachers and anybody for that matter. As long as we continue thinking that we can just give our children a video screen to act as a surrogate parent so we can have our ‘free space’ we are destined to create multiple generations of kids that become adults who have no idea how to connect truly to themselves and everyone else. This will inevitably lead to many different mental illnesses due to the lack of connection and self-care skills that should have been fostered early in their lives.
This is so much about connection and founding that as a known in our children before they make their own choices because then they will set a standard that will support themselves and others for future generations. Hopefully one I can come back into!!
“this does not mean that they should lose their playfulness, lightness, ability to have a real face to face conversation and know they are a gem of a child.” This sort of gets lost in the needs and do’s of parenting and growing up yet when I read it I could feel the joy of pockets of my own childhood and how good those times felt in my body. Thank you for this reminder and I thank my upbringing and the reflections I had around me for those pockets that have held me so strongly as an adult now.
I don’t feel the internet is a safe environment for children, I was listening to a mother describing to me the rules she had set down for her son to go onto a site where there are lots of children playing a particular game. He wasn’t allowed to put his real name or age or where he lived etc. They put these rules in place because of the fear of internet grooming where someone can say they are 8 years old and it may not be the case in reality. ‘Social grooming’ I’m told takes place on these sites.They didn’t really want him to play this particular game but relented under pressure because all his school friends were playing it and he didn’t want to be left out. Surely there needs to be much more policing of these systems, so that if a child wants to go onto these sites to play they can without fear, but it seems to me that currently we lack the will power to clean them up.
Good call Johanna, it is our responsibility as adults to reflect to our children a true way of being, one that is based on connection to self for everything in life flows with the natural rhythms of the universe when we live life form our bodies and not our brains.
No matter how much things are changing, there are somethings that remain the same – children need boundaries and consequences, and they need to have the trust in the adults around them to open up and talk about things. Children need to be talked to and education about the world to name just a few principles – and now more than ever these principles are the key to ensuring that the escalating issues of cyber abuse and lack of communication skills don’t continue to rise.
I know this is slightly off topic, but an article in the news today announced that online watching of child sexual abuse has gone up by 258% in a year. What are we setting ourselves up for, by continuing to ignore the negative impact of the internet and social media?
That is a pretty shocking state that is an alarming indicator of the degradation of basic respect and decency that the internet is exacerbating. We need to pay attention.
Johanna what I have noticed recently is just how much teenagers are speaking up about the pressures they are facing by trying to fit in with their social groups in and out of school. I see this as a step in the right direction. That we as a society are at last starting to have these conversations as they are long over due and frankly much needed, if we are to arrest the appalling suicide figures amongst teenagers.
In many ways the television set was the precursor to the untold number of screens that now abound. Television set the tone for turning away from each other and looking at an inanimate object that dominates most living rooms – to the detriment of the connection to another human being.
Well said Gabriele. The same fallacy of ‘bringing people together from all over the world through the transmission of TV signals is still running full speed ahead today with the massive use of smartphones all over the world, even in third world countries that don’t even have clean drinking water or other basic human support systems. This shows how much we have turned to look outside of ourselves for connection rather than feeling the connection that is waiting inside all along. As adults and the role models for kids, we need to look at our own behaviours and addictive use of various electronic devices and social media first in order to show our children how we can live in a different way without relying so heavily on them and only after we have built that connection to ourself first.
I read an article recently which showed survey graphs of young people’s interactions with friends, dating, sense of loneliness and quality of sleep over the past 30 years. There is a dramatic downturn at the point of 2007, which is when the iPhone was introduced. We are yet to see the full implications of this significant contributing factor to the state of mental well-being in young people.
Parenting today requires a lot of navigation of social media and other screen-based entertainment. Gone are the days where innocent play with the simplest of games and objects forms the centrepiece of childhood. Some great insight here Johanna for us all to be aware of, regardless of whether we have children currently or not.
‘ I see the loss of all of the above happening across the board with children because of their absorption into the social media world.’I agree and ask myself why shouldn’t we be more alarmed? So often I hear people discount the obvious social insecurity being displayed with our young. I was very shy growing up when outside the family home and would describe myself now as vulnerable to influence by what didn’t have my best interests at heart. I am so glad I didn’t have social media in my day.
Social media doesn’t have its users best interests at heart and we ignore this at our peril. It is there to sell, sell products, fashions, ideas, glamour, illusion etc. It has no true care. Yes, it is made up of people using it but what comes through them is often ugly – whether it’s someone’s insecurities, wanting recognition and attention or direct cyber abuse. There is a lot of deception and deceit, wolves in sheep’s clothing. All so much to be navigated by young people and children. No wonder playfulness, trust and connection is being lost.
When I look back at my childhood I can really see how watching horror movies, music videos and TV programmes influenced me and left an impression that I had to work hard to drop.
Nowadays we have this much imposed on us plus all the social media, it really is just too much for a growing being, we are always best nurtured in a environment away from imposing influential media.
‘In the last few years and progressively more today, I can see and feel the pressures and imposition of technology and the way it is being used by our next generation.’ As technology invents more ways to impress with bigger, better, brighter screens with the artificial, false light and all the bells and whistles that go with them, we as a humanity start to feel less. But we are simply handing ourselves over to a virtual world of illusion, and forgetting to appreciate the brightest light of all that is alive in us all – our divine inner essence that truly connects us, to each other and God.
Yes, we are so being sucked into the bells, whistles, bright lights as a distraction from appreciating the divinity of nature and each other. If we can start to see the game and call it out we can bring more awareness and where there is awareness there is freedom to choose once again.
Very interesting to ponder how dining tables and chairs are placed for people to interact and yet we do insert the television in between us probably to allow us to check out and be entertained rather than building intimacy.
Before our children become teachers, doctors, construction workers, health workers, lawyers , social workers their greatest learning is to see the importance of nurturing, honouring & expressing their energetic awareness and in this build an inner confidence, a solid sense of themselves that cannot be rocked by anything life throws at them.
Parenting is a very different ball game these days, but I imagine each generation says that too! Not being a technology native can be a challenge to know what you are inviting into your home through devices such as ipods, games and computers. In having the responsibility of parenting, I feel we need to be aware of what is possible to access with these games and the internet.
Thanks Michelle.
Very very true.
With the way things are going concerning screen time, we are looking at there being one big health crisis, and it is not just the postural ergonomic issues that will be more pronounced in the next decades, it is the mental health adults brought up on screens as companions, how can you function when you become reliant on this sort of stimulation / numbing to get through the day.
My daughter is 8 and already there are some in her class who have screen mobile phones and naturally enough she wants one too but we are not feeling it is a good idea at the moment because of all the reasons you mention in this blog. We want to encourage her to engage with real life with real meaningful communication and there is definitely a concern of being exposed to abuse and other influences over social media. The time will come for her to experience all of that but for me I want to delay that time for as long as I can!
It’s important what we all have to say. I would of loved to grow up to be free to express about everything I feel. Now, in my adult years I’m dealing with my hurt from not been able to openly freely express. It’s our God-given-right to express, especially in harmony – this is how we give back to all.
Observing the tantrums that can occur when a ‘screen’ is turned off I realise how grateful I am that my children were not born into this tech age. However we have to learn to deal with this issue – it’s not going away. Limiting screen time or even not having any until a certain age makes sense to me. And as for having TV s in a child’s bedroom – no wonder so many children can’t get up in the mornings…..!
Johanna, your list you shared here about ‘Parenting and teaching from my inner-wisdom allows me…’ is incredible. It reminds to be aware of how I am parenting and I find your list super supportive.
Very true Richard, they can do so much hard if not used consciously. I have been sucked into my phone way too many times without realising till I thankfully found myself called back by dropping the phone or banging into something. It can be a go-to stimulation when we don’t want to feel the emptiness of what we have been doing – it really is turning into a major mental health problem.
Well said, we need connection to be a primary focus for parenting our children. Without connection anything goes
Many parents load games onto their children’s devices and then use the devices like childcare.
It feels important to talk to children about the games they want to load, why they want to play them, what they know about them etc.
As a parent i feel there can be a big disassociation from this process and what i have recently begun to do is sit down with them when they are playing, not only to observe the game, how it works, scores, plays so we can connect around it but also to observe the changes in my kids body language and movements.
For example with my youngest son i have noticed that he often holds his breath as he is playing games, this is something we can then talk about and he can observe & acknowledge for himself. Supporting children to be aware of how technology alters our state of being is a crucial step understanding the self empowerment of energetic responsibility, as taught by Serge Benhayon.
Your line of appreciating what they bring, instead of what they do, can be applied to everyone we meet.
Yes, I agree Steve. As I was reading this part I realise how much I focus on what people do instead of who they are. Ouch! Something for me to be aware of, letting go of this will be a huge support for myself, my family and people around.
It is utterly disturbing the way kids are responding to having their devices taken away from them for even a short time. I’m 36, and it doesn’t feel all that long ago when we didn’t even have phones. In the last 20 years I simply can’t get my head around how so much has changed. No longer is climbing a tree and playing make believe the thing to do. It blows my mind, and is seriously frightening.
There is nothing quite like the connection with people. It is fundamental to our evolution as we always reflect back to each other something to learn or observe. It far outweighs what is offered by technology, and it is so important for us to honour each other and not give our power away to technology.
We are all role models for children all of the time, therefore I need to be more responsible with technology and ask myself if I am using technology to check out or as a tool to connect?
How kids are raised today with all the technology that abounds is completely different to how kids were raised 20-40 years ago. I recall getting my first mobile phone at 28 years of age! My son got his first mobile phone at 8 (a basic plastic phone to use for emergencies – but still!)…These days kids are born knowing how to handle technology too, which is very interesting to observe…but all this has happened at the risk of losing the true connection that we all crave. Technology is not here to replace connection, however, if this is what we do with it (which appears to be the case predominantly), then we are living in a lifeless society which has lost its way. To realise this is the first step in making a change.
I noticed how children find it hard to be really present at a wedding ceremony and how most of the wedding officers suggest to bring an iPad or mobile phone to keep them distracted and satisfied. Whereas when there is a ceremony where true love is celebrated from connection with each other the kids just surrender to it and melt in it.
Technology is not the evil end all and be all, but it is the way we have used it that brings the so called evil into our lives. Like money itself is not evil, but the way we use it and what we use it for which can be deeply harming and separative or deeply healing and re-uniting. Johanna I love what you have presented here especially with how people crave the connection with another, and yet are totally losing it by seeking the connection through false means rather than with each other.
We are living in a crisis which is destined to escalate if, as you say Johanna, we do not address the unacceptable obsession with social media that is becoming our norm. Through a lack of self worth we become lemmings to the majority and lose any sense of attending to our natural yearning to truly connect to one another.
You have highlighted a very real and serious issue for our current time Johanna, and not one for which there will be an easy recovery as I see it. Your outline is an amazing starting point however for each of us as individuals to start doing our part, taking responsibility for restoring true connection, relationships and communication with all those around us.
Parenting really has changed in the last 20 years with the new way of the world with the technological age and social media forming such a prevalent presence in our lives today . What we are seeing is an unknown growth and exposure to everything and a loss of innocence for our children and way of living and our responsibility with this is enormous and very important for the future of mankind. Connection, communication and listening to our children and the young at large to allow them to feel this and a real reflection of truth is vital and very much up to us to be the support and steadiness needed for all to see.
Many kids can feel the desolation of the online world but they choose it because there is often not enough connection around them, so what else is there for them to go too. We all deeply crave to be connected too, to engage with others and have a depth of quality in our relationships. Its time we put this first over the race that we often run in our lives.
The disconnection we live in is apparent in so many of the lifestyle choices which have become accepted as normal in society – we only have look back a generation or two to be able to see a clearer and more united way of living.
Joanna, I love how you have talked about TV screens as being the uninvited guest in the house – it so feels like this with many screens in fact! I wonder if there is a thing such as ‘screen jealousy’ when you want to connect with another and they are all the time on the screen and uninterested in any conversation and in fact appear to ‘love’ their phone or TV more than you! A sad fact to realise in lots of families where interactions are diminished amongst people but instead are traded for interactions with technology!
We can have both – we can have computer savvy kids who are connected and open with others. They don’t need to spend much time on gadgets and screens to be technology savvy – a little goes a long way. Nourishment in life comes from connection – both with ourselves and others. That is what is important and when that is a base, others things come easily.
You’ve raised a great point Johanna – what kind of doctors, teachers, carpenters, writers, receptionists and workers are we raising? And this comes down to every moment we spend with children, because how we behave, move and are ourselves role models to them what’s possible.
Technology has a life of its own, science fiction has long used machines in the future that become self-aware and build their selves better and fast than we can. Arthur C. Clarke wrote 100 + Sci-fi books that include 2001, he was an inventor and assisted in the development of radar. Many things he wrote about are today normal household products. The problem with tech is it makes us dumb! If we don’t know, we can instantly Google it! Before the internet which just 20 years ago, when we had a question we were told to look it up is something called an encyclopedia, a book thing that allowed you to discover other interesting things in the quest to your original question. These tombs of information were found at home, or you had to go to a place that is now getting as hard to find as a public telephone, a library!
My daughter hasn’t got to the point of using social media, but I am, if I’m honest dreading it because even the little time she is allowed on an iPad does change the way she behaves, and not for the better, so yep I am not looking forward to the time when we have to take the devices of her because she maybe on them too much.
“To be the loving listening ear when things come up that need discussing or to be shared. Believe me, a lot happens for 10 -13 year olds, much more than when I was that age. Growing up is tough today and when you grow up with engagement and connection, you also see and feel the lack of it around you… and that can be tricky at times” – How very true Johanna, and in such situations the deep love of a parent is the steady rock of confirmation on which to come back to.
One can read about a lot of children who are completely immersed in computer games and are more and more losing contact with reality. Surprisingly, many parents are in a position to simply stop this for the younger children by removing their access to such devices – but then they would have to deal with those children…
Interesting how ‘the uninvited guest’ seems to get so much undivided attention! There is therefore something about the concoction of TV programmes that are far more tantalising than face to face human contact.
From what I see, we often try and protect our children from the worst of the world – we want to keep them safe and oblivious to the reality of life for as long as possible. But with the internet, everyone can get access to some of the most horrific, disturbing and harmful content without having to look further than a quick search on google or Facebook. If we continue to keep silence about these things without a vain attempt to keep them innocent, we are allowing the internet to start the conversation and rarely is it done in a safe, trusting and respectful environment. If we talk to our kids about what a loving and healthy relationship is, explain to them the damage that pornography can have on you and your expectation of love and physical intimacy, that often those in the films are being forced to be there against their will, and you have a mature, adult conversation that is education and gets them thinking. If we allow them to stumble across pornography which in today’s society is an almost guarantee, then what basis do they have to stand on to understand what they are seeing and know it to not be true?
It is concerning to observe how we allow computers, computer games and social media to take over without seeing the long-term impact this has on the quality of our interactions and relationships. I also remember reading about some studies explaining how using devices before sleeping affects our sleep. Being tired alone, will affect the quality of how we speak with others and interact.
Perhaps the smart phone has become some sort of comforter but it turns into evil when children use them for abuse of others. Feeling reassured by how many likes or devastated by the hate speech, both are devastating to the body.
Me too Susan. At 13 I remember enjoying going rolkarskating and building cubbies with the neighbourhood kids on my street. The times when phones had a cord and if you want to speak to someone, you sat by the phone and spoke.
I agree, I was outside all the time and played with my friends… How many children still do that? I can imagine that it is a thin line how parents raise their children. Not being unworldly and being part of the social media, but also staying innocent and connected to their own body and movement. There should be parent forums everywhere where parents, who are interested not going by the usual trend , could go and get input.
In a nutshell, a lot of children are becoming more familiar with the virtual or social media world and are losing their beautiful way of naturally engaging and relating to others.’ – so true, Johanna. When I was young my friendships with boys sometimes blossomed into something more, naturally and organically from a friendship that I had formed, nurtured and treasured for some time. Today our young teens are looking for relationships on Tinder … why? when they can meet people of their own age through school, youth group, work, sport, gatherings …. it seems like it’s a very different world to how things were when I was young, and the constant use of technology seems to be pulling them further away from their very precious, amazing selves.
We really do need to take responsibility for what is going on with technology. So many kids and adults are totally losing themselves in a checked out state in virtual worlds.
Perhaps not a ‘maybe’ Richard. What you say is so true, we are lead down this false path of thinking that connecting on social media equals a real relationship. What is so amazing though is that there are many young teenagers out there who are realising the negative effects on their well being and quitting the game. An awesome achievement that demonstrates that somewhere inside us is a wisdom that can, when trusted, empower us to retract our selves from these self-destructive behaviours.
‘To allow kids to practise having responsibility, physically, through household chores, but also with taking responsibility for their actions or way of communicating… and that means that consequences need to be felt and not watered down or glossed over.’
I often see how we’ve not done that as adults and then when the children become teenagers the level of irresponsibility we’ve encouraged in them is obvious. Suddenly they’re expected to be responsible and mature and the irresponsibility they reflect back to the adult can be very challenging. Often the adults seem to be at a loss at the disrespectful behaviour, how they didn’t bring up their child to be this way, not realising that doing everything for your child to fulfill a perceived role and need that that is what a parent does if they love their child, isn’t it.
There’s the term helicopter parenting, if I look back on my childhood I cherish the freedom I had to make a lot of my own choices and am appreciative to have been allowed such freedom, and thankfully wasn’t burdened by social media and computers as the games industry was only starting to take hold and didn’t grab my attention. We have a responsibility to determine what is progress and what is just mere technological change, because there is no progress if behaviour and health is lesser and if our relationships have become shallower and less supportive of one another long term.
If we choose to hand our children and young generation over to technology then we have to take absolute responsibility for the consequences. Just one aspect is what actually exists on the Internet; are we willing to see the true insidiousness of the web and the content online? What we are giving children ‘free reign’ to look at and learn from?
When we take a bigger view that the children of today will be the parents, workers etc. of the future, it is well worth fostering them. We all grumble about the state of the world but then stand back and allow screens to raise our kids. There are some great points about how we need to foster our kids to grow into their potential as adults. I would say chatting with them about everything in life and confirming what they sense would be high on my list. With a trust in oneself that what you feel is true, you are well equipped in life.
Not looking constantly at your phone or saying to your child they have limited screen time only might seem impossible and would have horrible empty feelings and exclusion out of friend groups as a result, actually is not as horrible as we might think it is. I relate it to my own experience with not eating a food anymore I got reliant upon to the point of not being able to stop snacking which did not feel supportive, the resistance to stop eating it was massive but when I did actually it was very natural and easy and without an effort, there was more space to do other things and I felt more value in feeling vital than before. Life then turns out to not be all about that one thing we think we need but about something much grander – our joy, love and harmony together.
‘Is the social media world today a reflection of our disconnection within humanity or is our disconnection in humanity a reflection of the much reduced level of connection we are accepting today from our participation in the social media world?’
Last week when presenting a workshop about the influence of Social Media on finding a job, one of the participants commented: ‘what world are we living in? Where is the connecting to each other? Why do we have to pretend that we are always ok on Social Media?’ The look on her face revealed how difficult she finds our current society to live in.
It becomes very clear, with today’s technology and almost everyone having access to everything, the importance of connecting as human beings and to remind ourselves over and over again that it is about us as beings and their well being not about all that we have and could achieve.
Yes, removing ourselves from the world has become easier and easier, increasing the temptation.
Johanna you have presented a very fleshed out and meaty conversation not just on the effects of social media but on parenting. Although people espouse the many benefits of social media, for me it acts like a sledge hammer on the quality of our children’s childhoods and also on our parenting. It’s not just the kids that are needing to check their phones every five minutes but parents as well. Social media has become yet another thing that we feel we need to ‘stay on top of’ and hence it is yet one more thing that has an anxiety producing effect on many of us.
Yes and as adults we accept bullying too, we need to say no to abuse in all aspects of our lives if we want to see true change.
‘Yes, children need to move with the times and keep up with their education, be computer savvy, know how to update, research and produce assessments, however, this does not mean that they should lose their playfulness, lightness, ability to have a real face to face conversation and know they are a gem of a child.’ I agree with all of this and am very aware how little time my daughter gets just to be outdoors. We live in London and although surrounded by beautiful parks and greenery for a large city, I feel her exploration in nature is far less than mine was as a child and my best memories are the ones when we were creating adventures / games outside.
I like the term you use here, Johanna, of being a ‘supportive enquirer’ with young people, holding a space for them to just explore who they are and how they feel about things, without having to come up with any solutions.
“I can see and feel the pressures and imposition of technology and the way it is being used by our next generation.” this goes to show the fact that as parents we have a real responsibility in how we care for and raise our children, how we use technology and how we support out children in the depth of connection to the magic of the universe they have and how they deal with all that they feel.
It is now 10 years since my wife and I have had the ‘uninvited guest’ in our home and do not miss it and love the space there is without it.
From my own experience, I know that if I spend too much time on social media sites or watch the TV, I have a feeling of withdrawing from life and I feel lethargic. So it would be no different for children, and it makes sense that the children will become less confident conversing personally face to face with another.
Social media is like an incessant wave that desensitises and denatures us. It is incredibly difficult to use social media with the responsibility of being true to yourself, not changing who you are to fit in, for everything about it is set up to make us cave in to the demands to be liked and so called popular, and yet we all know this is in fact false, for social media offers so much distraction and a never ending supply of news feeds of questionable quality. So what then of our children, what are we setting them up for if this is the norm, parenting becomes crucial and a willingness to raise children who can withstand being different and not consumed by electronic devices.
Very true Fiona, our way forward is not to ban these things, but to show kids how to have a healthy relationship with technology, so that we maximise the best of both worlds: direct, loving and intelligent connection with each other coupled with all the positives that our virtual world provides. Allowing the virtual to dominate without the human connection is where it all begins to slide downhill.
Wow Johanna I love what you have shared in your “Parenting and teaching from my inner-wisdom”. For me that is gold as it shows that parents and also teachers can support a child constructively and lovingly without breaking them or the opposite to coddle them. Instead you offer a way to help them to not loose their inner qualities they already have.
An indepth look at Parenting children and inspiration for those who have young children today. I love your words “Parenting for me today is about connecting to, living from, and parenting from my deep inner wisdom”. This is a big ask but with the support of Universal Medicine and the presentations of Serge Benhayon and the ‘ancient ‘wisdom it can be done.
We have to readjust our parenting to now encompas technology, for if we are not on the front foot of raising our children they will learn about life through the very distorted lens of the online world
Beautifully put Rebecca, the lens is very distorted and unless we are supportive and ahead of the curve our children will become victims of the loveless interface of social media.
Yes, our TV always had a beautiful cloth over it, from when the children were very small til nowadays (they both have moved out now), but the cloth stays and the TV has not been switched on for years now…
I love all the points you raised to be aware of when raising children and this one especially stood out for me as when I was growing up the one thing that was so not ok to talk about or share was how I felt. – “To educate and speak about everything in life, and support children to trust their feelings to equip them with the ability to choose and know that there is a way to honour these feelings.
This is such an important point to consider in the all – “And if we are open to the divine cycles of reincarnation, it will be us returning to be guided by them.” With this knowing and understanding, many of our choices with regards to our children as well as ourselves become very important to truly discern them before making them.
It is such a paradigm shift to appreciate our children for who they are and not what they do. This does not mean that there are not consequences or limits and boundaries for behaviour, rather we don’t set up the platform for seeking approval and ‘being good’ instead of being ourselves.
The TV is the uninvited guest in the living room, and the laptop is often the uninvited guest in the bedroom, while the mobile has become our best friend, always there in our pockets, handbags or hands. These devices all have their uses, but when we feel like they’re an extension of our own bodies, that take us further away from ourselves, we need to question what it is we’re trying to distract ourselves from feeling within.
Life a life full of joy and service. There’s no app for that, only movements.
This made me smile Michael and how enjoyable is it to watch the lighthearted playfulness of children playing in nature?
Children are absolutely to be valued for who they are in their natural gorgeous state. Fobbing them off the technology baby-sitters at a young age is cutting them out of their natural development. It’s like giving them a diet of only one food group – there will be some knock on affect and distortion to their well-being later on due to the imbalance. There is enough medical and scientific evidence on how we live and the impact this has on our well-being for us to be able to arrive at this very basic level of awareness – why do we wait till the situation is at a disastrous level before it is even considered that it has all gone too far?
A great blog Johanna, bringing to light a much needed topic of conversation. Yes, technology is a part of our current world and the younger generation are drawn to it like moths to a flame, but it is us their parents who have the responsibility to guide and support them in how to use these devices and encourage open and honest communication around their day and how they are travelling, what is happening for them when they use the devices? Support them to know themselves and be solid in that, and role model healthy connections with your own devices.
It is great when kids get their own responsibility for example by helping in the household. As parents we are not responsible to do everything for our kids, they can do so much themselves and love working together. We don’t need to brush any action that is not responisble aside, with the excuse they are just kids. Every energy we choose has consequences and how great is it to learn about that.
There is surely more intensity and pressure for kids growing up today, compared to 20 yrs ago. Social media has not helped, there are more children with high levels or anxiety as they don’t know how to respond to the demands of the world. Due to this there are more kids going into self harm as they are unable to manage these demands.
It is all too easy in this debate to point the finger at the way children are, but children learn from their parents and peers; so what are we not bringing that then encourages them to disappear into their screens?
The simple answer to that Otto, is ‘connection’. We have failed to bring connection to our children. I am now having to re-introduce it in my family, in bite sized pieces after first having re-introduced it with myself. But, I am also having to fight against the forces (and they are considerable) of social media. Thankfully connection is showing signs of rallying and I am buoyed by the changes that I can feel.
And I’ve just remembered another example of this. A young friend of mine once said to me “you have no idea how tough it is to be growing up and making mistakes in public”. Again I deeply considered this. When I was young, if I behaved badly, or made a mistake or did something embarrassing then just a handful of people would know about it. I might wake the next morning, feeling ashamed to see those few people again – even that was horrendous, but imagine doing the same nowadays and seeing your ‘mistake’ going viral on social media.
My nephew was recently telling me about someone at their school. I asked whether he was friends with the person. My nephew’s response was “he has 1,200 likes”. That was his barometer as to what he felt about him. After my initial shock I considered this more deeply – the pressure that social media is applying to the lives of these young people needs to be deeply appreciated and considered. I’m not saying that means we play ball with it – but it is vital that we, as adults, are very understanding and non-judgmental in our approaches to this subject.
hear hear everyone craves true connection – children and adults alike.
It’s not just children that get addicted to the iPhones. The other day I went out and forgot mine and it was a really weird feeling not having it.
I can relate to that too Nicola as I have done too and then stopped to consider walking/driving back to get it, yet when truly connecting to that thought also realising that at that time I really didn’t need to.
It always starts with us. People have lost connection to their true selves and witness the rise in obesity, illness and disease, so called recreational drugs, stimulants etc etc. If we are not connected to ourselves what sort of role models are we and how can we connect to our children?
A good point about the TV. It is the usual design of a living room to be focused around the TV. This sets us up to not communicate with each other. I stopped watching TV many years ago and the quality of all my relationships improved no end. I also felt less depressed instantly. It’s interesting what we choose to do to ourselves under the name of entertainment.
I agree Susan. Each and every screen we choose allows energy to pour into our living environments like water from a tap. It makes absolute sense that we be discerning about who and what we invite into our homes and lives.
This is such an important article Johanna. Your words had me remembering what life was like for me before I began to connect and be at ease with myself. Television was one of the ways I shared my time with others and if we didn’t have TV we had alcohol (sometimes we had both). Back then I didn’t realise that I was missing out on opportunities for truly connected conversations. I no longer have a TV in my house and I no longer drink alcohol but there are still a myriad of distractions that I allow in my life that rob me of the beauty of simply connecting to myself and others.
The importance of realising that our children are the adults of tomorrow becomes even more prominent when we understand that we all reincarnate to become the children of those who have grown up while we are adults.
Teaching children every day I can feel the addictive nature of computer games as they talk about them. I can see and feel how they can’t wait to get home to get back on them again… it also takes up much of their discussion time around, and in lessons too.
Yes, Johanna, we are yet to feel the full consequences of young people growing up in the digital age with a lack of true connection. If young people can’t maintain meaningful and responsible relationships, what are our future parents and workforce going to be like?
Very important questions raised here and so it is super important that the way we live as role models reflect and support that what is needed now and in the future.
Johanna, this is shocking and something that needs to be discussed; ‘this does not mean that they should lose their playfulness, lightness, ability to have a real face to face conversation and know they are a gem of a child. I see the loss of all of the above happening across the board with children because of their absorption into the social media world.’ It feels like children are stopping being children, not living their natural lightness, playfulness and joy, this is a huge loss to society.
We can no longer turn our back on the disconnection that is going on in society as it is slowly depleting the lives of not only our children but also our future. When I feel this disconnection in others I will remember that ‘I know I have all the answers inside of me; I just need to take the responsibility to remain with the clarity of my heart by purposefully caring for my body and from here, parenting becomes simple, even in a world of out-of-control technology and social media stimulations’.
Perhaps technology keeps everyone caught up in just the human aspect of our selves, forgetting the beingness or the divine that we all innately are, and this is what makes communication, intimacy and tenderness between each other difficult when the devices take prominence over our lives, because essentially what has been forgotten or left behind is the fact of our soul-full light.
“… is our disconnection in humanity a reflection of the much reduced level of connection we are accepting today from our participation in the social media world?” If we take on board the truth of this statement, what we are looking at is a huge level of disconnection that is then fostered and multiplied by our current trends. Therefore the way out of this self-perpetuating conundrum is simple, make the effort to connect with our selves and with each other on a direct basis and restore true connection. We have much work to do!
Maybe Johanna, the grander questions lies with the way children share and interact in the class room so rather than a system that is dominated by simply educating, a system where at least one class is where the students listen and express what is going on for them? Maybe we could call this the no phone room or people only room.
The world of social media has limited ability to reflect to our young people their potential, their power and their innate connection to God. This isn’t out there, as all children know this inside, deep down. When social media is used in this way, as a confirmation, as a re-education then yes, it has a purpose. If not, it is nothing but a huge distraction.
There are more kids using social media as a distraction than person, and mainly because they don’t have the understanding of its true purpose. It is us as the adults, our responsibility to reflect the true purpose of social media.
I am so glad that I grew up without devises as I can see how truly evil they are and how they totally suck kids in, I say kids but people in general. Computers were only just being introduced into schools when I was a kid and at the school I went to, the computer monitors were old Tv’s and we had to first learn the binary system before operating them, something of which failed to grab my attention for long. We did go to arcades and play space invaders though, but it was never for that long.
“. . . each and every adult on this planet, has a responsibility to connect fully to children so they know what true connection is, so they can then bring that to the social media sites if they so choose, but not because they need to or feel less without it.” Great call Johanna as what will happen to our society if we do not truly connect to our children???? I am sure that there will be a time in the future where experts will advice parents to exactly to do this – connect truly deeply to your child.
Thank you Johanna for imparting so much wisdom on how to truly parent our children, especially in this day and age of so much imposing of the internet and social media sites that children are taken over by. I love this last line which gives much to ponder on.” So what light are we leaving behind for us to return to? Perhaps this is the grander question to consider.”
We have a responsibility to parent our young in a way that nurtures them for who they are and not to get distracted and absorbed into a screen.
The best way to parent is to lead by example. So, we adults need to closely examine our usage of screes and social media and the energy in which we go to and come from these activities.
I wonder how much anger this generation stores at being checked-out so much through the use of screens. I have often noticed how aggressive we can feel especially after playing computer games.
Well observed and yes, the aggression plays itself out in the way some of the kids communicate or their actions immediately after playing. I know as I got to watch this with one of my children and the energy that child used to come with after the games was most unpleasant.
Thank you, Johanna. Your summary list of what being a true parent and teacher entails really moved me, because it is how every child deserves to be treated, but this is sadly not the case.
Yes every child deserves to be treated like that, and we did as children too and our parents and everyone before them did as well. Most of us and our generations before did not get this way of being with each other and so there were no or not many role models either that could lead the way. It shows then in the disconnectedness of our society world wide.
I had the same, Elizabeth: hours and hours I spent in front of the t.v. watching films and series. It influenced my quality of sleep and didn’t bring any true joy. Last year August of of sudden it was done and I haven’t watched anything since then. And yes, just like you wrote: ‘I have space in my life to build a deeper connection with myself and to do more fulfilling and more enjoyable things with my time.’
I remember a relative calling the telephone, when it was just introduced, an intruder, for as soon as it would go everyone stopped interacting and run to the phone. I still see this around me with adults and with kids: as soon as the mobile makes a sound everyone wants to know what the message or news is and let’s go of everything else. We fill our own empty feelings up with whatever is on offer on internet. And parents set the standard here by having the screens always at hand even during meals. Children see what we live much more than what we say.
This is so supportive – offering a blueprint for how to parent from our inner wisdom and this is the responsibility of all adults whether they have biological children or not. The pressures that children face with social media etc can feel overwhelming, and not just to them, so it is awesome to have someone at the coal-face sharing how they approach it.
I agree Helen it is very supportive. It is all adults responsibility to parent from our inner wisdom, as we all have this within. The pressures the kids are feeling today really are extremely challenging.
I have to see it is not just the kids these days that are feeling it – my generation also felt it very very much in fact I am sure all generations have felt it – and we did different things to not feel it… these days I guess access to the ‘not feeling it’ and do check out through technology is a very fast and easy way to get to and with growing awareness these days yes we have the option and the responsibility to support our young as we also have the knowhow to observe and see the results this behaviour produces much faster.
It is clear that if we don’t change our way with our devices we will end up with the creation of yet another mental condition as people grow up even less aware of who they truly are and that they do not need the devices to be them. Meeting our children and each other for who we truly are is a not to be glossed over form of responsibility we all have.
In a world where there has never been more digital technology or social media platforms there is a heightened and urgent need for each and every adult to connect fully to children so they know what true connection is. It is a responsibility that can be taken whether the child is within our own family or school or community.
Children no longer communicate with their parents, they learn about life from their friends, and from the Internet
It has always been interesting that the children of immigrants don’t have the accents of their parents but that of their peer group so they clearly learnt from them but the screens and internet seem to be a further step with unknown longterm effects.
I would say not all children do that. In our house communication was always encouraged and part of at least every dinner we had as that was when we sat together and ate and shared and talked. Communication in teenage years was still there too. Now my children,having left home a while back, are both learning to come back and communicate as they have found that here is a source of stillness and that they are listened to and held in a space of love, non judgment and support.
I know of people who think having a TV in their bedroom is a great idea, and some of them actually need to have it on in order to fall asleep, this says a lot about the state of our relationships nowadays, where we have substituted true intimacy with technology – disconnecting from the truth within ourselves.
Yes Michelle. What I notice is that many children get disheartened from their parents always being on social media and their phones. I remember a year one class I had many years ago – we did a performance and the only rule the kids made up for parents was that all phones are switched off. At 6 years old they were well aware of the distraction and the lack of connection and attention they got from their parents when they were on their phone.
Thanks Richard. yes warnings may happen along with the hindsight.
I agree Fiona. I only finished school 22 years ago and I can see a huge difference with what teens experience today.
I remember in my mid/late teens and early twenties the stress and loneliness I felt having online friends. Returning to making friends with my inner wisdom and relating to others from there blows all those false friendships out of the atmosphere. This blog for me grounds that responsibility in connecting to others from a true place rather than just superficially via a device.
It is true; these children are our future doctors, nurses, teachers, builders. So, how is living a life of disconnection through the younger years going to impact them in their adult years? We all know that this is not a recipe for true well-being.
It’s scary how much kids have access to social media, but in effect what they are doing is the same as us, almost 2 billion people check Facebook every single day – we are essentially teaching them by example the best way to check out when life gets intense or you need a distraction from something.
I have seen children as young as two unlock an iPad, access you tube and find their favourite videos in the history or favourites. Responsibility is required in how we foster positive use of technology with those who are easily able to access and be absorbed by such technology.
I listened to a child have a tantrum today and I thought of how much more easily I understand the energy of what is occurring since being introduced to the teachings from Universal Medicine. Often we can recoil from a child’s “bad” behaviour and look for a pacifier, and yet we know this is not really what is needed. We in fact do our children a disservice when we are lax with our approach to technology with them, if it has its place then that place can only be within a framework of discipline, for it won’t be the computer games that form the childhood memories, and really what positive development takes place in that distance often dark space online.
The danger is that many teachers and parents feel so overwhelmed in their own lives/jobs/families that the increased availability of technology provides a way to occupy their children and teach them about the world, but what needs to be understood is that the Internet is NOT a safe or reliable method of educating young people due to the enormous presence of lies, abuse and distractions on there.
This blog really set me pondering and I wonder now if in the future we will have to create special classes where we teach kids how to relate to one another on a face to face basis in order to retrieve the downward spiral we are currently on.
Oh Rowena that would be a most sad thing if this came to pass … and how can we teach that in the future if the future is what that brings??
Technology is not going to go away that’s for sure. What the younger generation need is support to handle such intensity. Recently while abroad the people I was having lunch with said that some schools are banning phones when you came into class you put your phone or tablet into a locker and it stayed there all day. Anyone caught having a phone on them would be sent home from school. This seems sensible to me. If there is an emergency then the parents have to ring the school not the child’s phone. And parents and children are supporting the school in this.
It’s scary to think how the next generation will turn out if they hold ‘connection’ on social media more important than true connection with others face to face. Yes, what imprint are we creating for us to return to?
Johanna, thank you for writing this, I observe so much change happening with children in a very short space of time, from children playing out on the street having simple fun to children playing on phones or computers at home or these devices being brought onto the street and activities are then based around these such as Pokemon Go. Having the interaction with this technology feels like a very different way of playing, the innocence and natural playfulness seems to be replaced with a ‘trying to be cool’ and trying to live up to what other children are doing.
Yes, I found this a very interesting point too. How true is it that the way most living rooms are set up to face the TV instead of each other? It is rare these days to enter a house without a TV in their living room, I can feel the difference when there is one and when there isn’t one. Houses without a TV are more inviting, allowing space for people to connect and be present.
Brilliant blog Johanna. It is pretty scary to consider how our young generation is being raised. The points and questions you’ve highlighted here are very much needed. I feel we will be heading down an even more disconnected, dysfunctional and depressed society if we are not willing to see what technology is doing to our children due to the way it is being used. I don’t feel technology is the issue here but the way we are using it that is the problem.
A great blog and sharing the reality what is really going on with children these days and how we can support them by our example to connect with each other and have meaningful conversations that are needed and not to switch off with TV, I pads,computers and games instead of being together and communicating, honestly valuing each other and simply having fun being who we are with a knowing of that from inside ourselves, honouring all we feel and expressing it. A real reflection and inspiration so different from what is offered out there. Truth and love can always be felt and so can what is not in reality.
I agree Jane. In some schools there is a areal issue with mobile phones and students who are totally distracted by them during lessons. We as adults are also so distracted by our phones, I see people crossing the road and not bother to look up because they are so engrossed by what’s on their screen.
I was sitting in traffic yesterday and I saw a man carrying a box that had a TV screen inside. It was enormous. Our TV screens are getting bigger and bigger, and the time we spend looking at all the other screens we now have in our homes is increasing.
Indeed Monica, we have to be honest and admit that as adults we have encouraged and allowed our children to be raised by screens and to not see it only as a tendency in our society. We all individually have in one way or another contributed to the current state of the world but that said als gives us the power to change it simply to choose to live otherwise and to not accept anymore the ingrained influences we have allowed technology to have in our social connections with one another.
“So what light are we leaving behind for us to return to? Perhaps this is the grander question to consider.” I like this question Johanna, as to me makes so much sense to look at our lives in that way. It stops us from making life limited to only this physical life and engages the inner connection with that grander whole we are part of. Living in this way we will not allow our children to become anything less, but will support them to the best of our ability to remain with that inner quality they all are born with.
The practicality of this article is very supportive to us all as it offers a realistic view on what we are all bombarded with but offers us a choice to choose what feels connective and support for all.
“Parenting and teaching from my inner-wisdom allows me:….” – to be so very real, and so very true. Love the way you parent Johanna, it’s inspiring to read all your points.. and even greater for those kids to be parented by you : )
If children see adults around them who have a loving and solid relationship within themselves, which is then reflected in connections with all others, then at least children have a choice as to which role model they choose.
How connected are we as adults – to ourselves and to others?
It is our role modelling that children model.
Observing the relationship between teenagers, their mobile phones and their investment in getting likes or not on social media is very disheartening to watch.
Computers weren’t around when I was a child, we wrote letters back home from boarding school, blue folded airmails. I can’t remember what I wrote, but my holiday friends were only seen on holiday, we didn’t communicate during the rest of the year. It is very different now, we have ‘friends’ all over the world and we share our lives publicly or not, but how much of that is true communication?
They were great those blue filed airmails I used to use them all the time, now they were a good invention. I often wonder how much damage technology is doing to kids especially when parents are not regulating how much time they spend on devices and are not censoring what they are allowed to play or view.
It is shocking to see how many children are losing their natural lightness, playfulness and creativity due to spending increasing times behind a screen of one sort or another and that we as a society are allowing this alarming trend as being normal – what kind of adults will they grow up to be in the next generation?
It’s very sad that children find it so difficult to connect on a personal level due to the over-reliance on their phones and computers to give them the illusion of connection. We are responsible for leading the way for them back to true connection and relationship.
The list that wrote of what you see as a parent and teacher with children interacting with social media, pretty much applies to how adults are interacting with social media as well. This is a global issue facing us all.
Beautifully said Johanna ‘So what light are we leaving behind for us to return to?’ Brining in the true responsibility, living the truth that we will all come back to do it again until we live responsibly. What footprints will we leave behind with our children by not stepping up to true parenting and bringing love, connection and truth.
Lovely to feel how you claim the space to allow children to feel what true communication is – unless all children have an opportunity to do this we are heading for a deeply divided and chaotic future.
We are role models as adults, we are observed and children often follow our example…so what do we role model concerning our lifestyle choices, this a question we need to answer honestly, the whole do as I say not as I do does not work.
When, “someone doesn’t accept you because you are not participating in the thing they are doing, it is not you they are rejecting, but the fact you are not enjoining them in that unsupportive activity” is true confidence.
Kids need to be supported to stay connected with their clairsentience so they do not loose it under the pressure of the school system which is demanding of them to conform instead of be with their natural spherical self.
Stopping by a coffee shop on my way home to grab a bottle of water, I overheard a group of young girls who were hanging out there, all on their phones and showing each other pictures from snapchat. Everything about them was dominated and determined by the influence of technology and social media – their clothes, their choice of words and even in the tone of their voice – they were not full of life, vitality and expressing who they really are and their own individual spark, but the almost cliché of their generation which diminishes people to being no more than the number of likes on a photo
From observation, most children seem to pick up how to use technology very quickly, even young toddlers are known for using smart phones. I know how I feel after being on my phone for too long, so it must be a big sensory experience for someone who is quite young.
‘Saying a loving ‘No’ is parenting which can support children to grow up with a deep connection to themselves and others.’ Setting boundaries by saying a loving no gives so much confidence and safety for children, much more than just allowing everything to happen because we don’t know how to handle things otherwise and take the easy route.
All I know is that I as the adult have an enormous responsibility to curb my usage of devices and really inspire my daughter on how technology can be used. This is a major work in progress.,
This is great Vanessa, we can all use technology without abusing it and then like you say others including your daughter can get a needed reflection even when it is a work in progress as most do not even understand the real issue around True expression.
An eye opener for me – how the uninvited guest (the TV) sits as the focus point in most rooms – rather than the rooms being arranged to face people. What a set up to create more disconnection between people as they are unable to connect with each other through their eye, whilst the uninvited guest attracts everyone in.
I love the way as well as highlighting the issues with the way children are parented, you bring it back to” remaining with the clarity of my heart by purposefully caring for my body”. It is not about coming up with a whole lot of rules and demands. But it is very much to do with how we are living ourselves, the connection we are offering and the reflection we are providing.
Trying to make connections with others through use of social media can only be a superficial form of contact. I heard from someone being devastated because the number of ‘likes’ they had on Facebook and Twitter dropped and with it her self-esteem plummeted. To use social media to plug our empty gap and think we are making real connection is worrying… If the next generation have a warped version of what connection is, what outcome will play out for the following generation?
“What light are we leaving behind for us to return to?” – a great, great question. The ultimate ‘what goes round comes round’.
Yes. I feel those that put the effort in to be aware and support children this life will be supported in the chaos next life.
Thank you for your blog, it’s been very insightful to read. One of the things that struck me about the use of screens and phones by children is they are also cut off from themselves at these times and are not getting familiar with the beautiful little person they are. They are missing out on connection with themselves, which is the most beautiful thing anyone can experience – a life lived from our essence.
Yes I have noticed myself how if I am not careful spending time on computers, the internet or social media can leave me feeling very disconnected from myself and others around me, so it is not difficult to imagine what this must be like for children if they are spending long hours in front of screens. And of course the irony is that the more disconnected you feel, the more you crave something to fill the void and so the cycle continues.
As a kid, I remember having down time either laying on grass or in my room or out on the verandah but down time
today for children is screen time, stimulation, phone time. We have mistakenly taken not moving the body yet having a device in our hand or in front of our eyes as down time.
We can all be caught into this trap pf the uninvited guest being present all the time at any age. I am now in my seventies and no great expert on i phones, computers or social media, but if I am not very care-full I can easily become dependent on my mobile for company, information, as a filler of time in odd moments, as my friend. I spent two days recently without it, and it opened my eyes to how much I was actually narrowing my life, not expanding it. The quality of those days was so much more flowing and spacious, plenty of time to complete tasks without stress or rush, and with deeper focus. Being drawn into that world of technology takes away the liveliness of life, and dulls the senses, We have to be very astute and consciously present to use it wisely.
It is frightening to see what is happening to our children as a result of how technology is being used. It is the responsibility of all of us to show kids that it is safe to put their phones down and converse and be with us.
I agree Elizabeth but is frightening especially as it seems to be a very acceptable norm with very little change insight – hence things may get worse before we all realise the extent of the damage, therefore work to doing something about it. i.e. connecting with kids.
All around me I see children of all ages totally engrossed in a device of some form and their disconnection from the world and what is going on around them is so obvious. I recently spent seven weeks driving down a road which had a secondary school bus stop on it and every school morning there would be three or four teenagers waiting, all with the heads down, staring into their phones and all standing away from the others. It was not only their chosen isolation that was disturbing but also the unnatural bend of their growing necks and the potential for many spinal issues in the future; not a future that I would want for any child.
This is an interesting consequence to observe, that “No longer are many kids confident to have chats together and connect through play, call each other up, or meet up just to be around each other.” If our children withdraw from the world and the world becomes something viewed through and interacted with via a screen, then this disconnection IS going to affect self confidence and the ability to feel naturally at ease when more is required than the ‘shorthand’ that technology fosters.
Firstly I love the title and how it uses the hashtags etc, very clever and relative to how the article is presented. This is a great article and one that sits very true in my eyes. How do we want the world to be and what are we setting up for ourselves by allowing things to just carry on because everyones doing it or because it’s just what happens. I for one am all for allowing and engaging people of all ages to bring things back to basics and the basics are we are all people. In that it’s the person or people first before anything else hits the screen and if we are shown that or that isn’t led in the world then it will be a forgotten art. When it all comes down to it we are all wanting the see the same thing and we can’t allow life to dictate to us how it should be and at this point it’s super important for us to appreciate and engage conversations, real conversations with people, no matter their ages.
Johanna I felt uneasy reading your blog, it bought up a sense of fear in me about the state of the world, society, our community and my own family. It’s like I don’t want that to happen to see and to consider that my daughter could be sucked into that world, a world of screens. Of course you inspire me with the truth of what can be possible, a different way of parents and one that takes a commitment to the quality in which I first live and only then can things be potentially different, perhaps thats the bit that also I can resist as its the bit about true responsibility and how that really does effect the rest of the world.
I really do wonder how the world is going to change in the next 50 years as these screen dependent children grow up, take over industries and become parents themselves. Reading this I got a very strong message of my responsibility to share the connection I have to my inner wisdom.
This is a great question, Johanna – “Is the social media world today a reflection of our disconnection within humanity or is our disconnection in humanity a reflection of the much reduced level of connection we are accepting today from our participation in the social media world?” Either way, something needs to change so that we don’t lose touch with how it feels to be loved, cherished and met by a real human being.
Thankyou for sharing the vast change you have seen in parenting and in children over the last few years. The reality is exactly as you have described, our ways of connecting and being confident just being ourselves are being increasingly associated with our web status, and the array of life experience and sensitivity through being together in person is being lost – it shows how as a society we have adopted for a far more mental approach than being from our hearts and bodies.
Most of the technology that we engage with on a daily basis dries us out. There is nothing more enriching than connecting with one another, sharing, exploring and growing, it keeps us alive, plump and fresh. So we have a choice – raise a generation and more of crispy, brittle people who have lost the joy of real person to person interaction with all the knock on effects, or empower a generation and more to re-claim true life in all its vibrancy, depth and joy.
It seems the greatest way to keep people away from truth is to provide a decoy, a copy that seems to offer something similar. Today we worship and relentlessly go to social media to ‘connect’ but this is a huge way short of the true joy, wisdom and beauty that is there when we energetically connect with who we are. If we don’t do this no number of technologies, apps or devices will satisfy and fulfil this natural need. Thank you Johanna for highlighting that with our inner heart we have access to something way beyond any screen.
Johanna, this is a great, much needed article, it feels important to talk to our children about social media and to us as parents say no if something doesn’t feel right. I hear many discussions with parents not wanting to buy their child a phone or i-pad as they are so young. But there is so much pressure on the child as all their friends have one and so much pressure on the parents as they do not want their chid to be left out and so we often give in and do not follow our feelings on this.
Johanna, you expose well how we’ve bought into screen culture without even realising it, in the way we arrange our living rooms to face a TV screen, rather than each other. TVs dominate living and other spaces and instead of switching on to the people in the room, we switch on the TV. In this way we become, from quite young, dis-connected from ourselves and each other and
relationships suffer as a result. At the very least families could keep meal-times a free from zone for mobile devices and TVs and use the space instead to enjoy a meal and talk to each other.
You cannot look into the eyes of an image on a mobile device and thus any connection on a device is always at least one step away from true connection.
I know as a parent it is such an easy option to say yes to the I-pad or phone to get some peace and quiet, but it is alarming when I say time and try to remove the device from her. It is as though it sucks them in like a scene out of a Doctor Who episode, and if we let them they would be glued to the damn things. Kids have to be up on technology, but it doesn’t have to own them.
There is no doubt within me that I know exactly in every moment how to be with my children yet I am becoming more aware that a lot of the time I can override this knowing ignoring my feelings and abuse my body. This way of being is not love but I welcome and appreciate every ounce of awareness when I do fall into this trap of neglecting me.
I observed last night in a restaurant, a family at the next table that the child about 7 to 8, she had headphones and watching something on her pad and both parents were on their phones. We now are takING our uninvited guest everywhere we go.
It makes sense to label the television the ‘uninvited guest’, because once it is in your house, in your living room and being the centre of attention it pretty much has free range for what it will display and engage you with. It’s like a person stealing the show, making it all about themselves and channeling whatever they want to and throughout the rest of the household.
#LoveBeingTVFree
The role of these technologies needs to be questioned for adults too. There are a lot of young adults who are addicted to their smart phones; older ones too. While I don’t feel bereft without mine I can sometimes feel a level of anxiety if I’m disconnected from the internet or without my phone for a period of time and I’m not on holiday. We need to also question our own level of dependency on these devices, particularly in terms of what we model to children.
Screens seem to account for a lot of proxy parenting, much like TV did in my day, and I think it starts younger than 8. One of the problems with this arrangement is that this erstwhile ‘parent’ has access to A LOT of undesirable if not outright disturbing material. What are we feeding our children?
A wonderful blog Johanna! I love what you share here around our return “So what light are we leaving behind for us to return to? Perhaps this is the grander question to consider.”
Wow what a great piece of observational writing Johanna, very insightful, the “uninvited guest” how eerily true this is… and from black and white TV to colour ones that sit stationary ..now to hand-held mobile devices how the uninvited guest morphs.. and makes me think where to next in a few years time… as the guest enters to take a seat in our ears, eyes, skin with AI micro chips and alternate realities.
Social Media definitely isn’t going away, so it is about whether we want to see the harm it can cause or whether we want to be blind to it, children gain so much from real life interactions, and love this when they get it. I totally know that feeling of being lost without a phone, as I have a little of that myself, so I can only imagine for a small child who has never known anything else, the lure of the phone must be huge.
I remember being shocked years ago by someone who tried to capture the sunset in the Grand Canyon and missed it because he was busy with his camera and supplementary equipment. Today it’s children and adults who are glued to their devices and have forgotten how to connect in the flesh and meet each other. This is bound to cause a deluge of mental health problems in the near future.
I realized this lately, that although I am a photographer and you would say, that is understandable, I immediately take out my mobile phone camera when something beautiful appears by nature, for example. And I see many people do that. Why don’t we not suck it in, connect to the beauty that is offered, before we capture it for eternity? There is such an autopilot to take pictures or videos of it…Seeing people´s Instagram stories I got really shocked and wondered if they ever leave their phone in their pocket. The urge of being seen and recognized is so huge, people are addicted to that kind of “communication”- I would rather call it: social prostitution- excuse the term.
Great point Fiona – we are not going to turn back the tide of iphones and social media, so what is needed is great examples of how to live with this new technology that kids can learn from.
True Simon and Fiona. Supporting kids to be strong with who they are in the world as it is today is key.
It is essential as without that sense of self they will be at the total whim of the abuses that are prolific on the internet.
My data usage on my phone has run out and though it’s not great in terms of avoiding traffic jams with no updates, I realised how much more space I could have just being present in a long queue, or in a waiting room etc. I realised how I didn’t have to be stressed filling each moment but feel I was on holiday where I could allow myself to be and observe life. I didn’t have to go on holiday to be in the flow of life and not getting in the way with my tasks and self-importance!
Its interesting – if 30 years ago it was the TV that was the uninvited guest in the room, we now have a situation where all our intimate conversations are with a screen as well. Again uninvited and deemed as normal and acceptable now… we are only just beginning to wake up to what the consequences will be for a society that has grown up in this way.
The world of screens is fast taking over our youth’s lives, it is great to support our kids to know that although social media and the internet is a big part of their landscape, it is not all there is. Having meaningful and solid experiences in nature and in connection with each other is so important. It is our collective responsibility to bring this to our next generation.
We don’t allow our kids to be bored or to feel bored. Instead what I did and what I see others do is we jump in and keep giving activities and things for our children to do as soon as they start complaining that they are bored. And instead of connecting with them we give them something material to connect with instead.
This is a huge question to ask Johanna and one we need to take very seriously. When we loose the ability to relate to one another, we cut our selves off from the very essence of our world – people. Technology is okay in the correct balance and it is a joy to read about your priorities as a parent and a teacher, restoring to kids the true depth of who they are, ensuring these children understand who they are from the inside out, not the rather volatile outside in.
Indeed with how children and young people are living now what will our society and communities be like in years to come when they are older? The other day I heard about a Head Teacher at a school who bought 600 alarm clocks to give to the children and young people to encourage their mobile phones not being in their room and to be used as an alarm clock. The thing is, it is not just in the day but also in the night and during the night children and young people are on devices which is affecting their sleep, which then affects their behaviour, their moods, their motivation .. the list goes on. So yes it is parents responsibility … all our responsibility to work with this in a way that helps children and young people to build positive relationships off line and just have space to be.
Thanks to the insightful presentations by Serge Benhayon and blogs such as this I may well have turned a blind eye to the way devices and screens are affecting children. The convenient baby sisters are no substitute for loving connection shared between human beings.
Its not just kids that freak out when they leave their phone behind it is also the adults. Its ludicrous really if you consider there was no such thing as mobile phones when I was growing up and we got by without them very easily. Now we cannot go out, even for a walk ,with out them.
Mary-Lousie thats so true, i also remember as a kid not needing them, not using them and yet within a few years I was hooked, hooked on the fact that each time i wanted a distraction I could access that myself in my hand.
And it is not easy, even when you take all your courage and leave the phone at home, you very often get trouble because you weren´t available. You even miss jobs, being a freelancer. First come first serve. Everything is defined by time, how fast you reply, how quick you text back etc… I would be lying if I ´d say, that I don´t appreciate the advantages from a mobile phone. But reading it at a deeper level: what dynamics got established by using the mobile phones? Actually supporting not being present. So, what kind of advantage is it then in the end?!
So many schools promote ‘Life Skills’ as an important part of the curriculum yet the understanding of what is fundamentally supportive for life has not been grasped beyond the very functional. What I love therefore is this; “To educate and speak about everything in life, and support children to trust their feelings to equip them with the ability to choose and know that there is a way to honour these feelings.” This is key in every aspect of life and therefore a fundamental way forward in bringing a supportive curriculum for living, to children.
So true Rosanna, I talk about life skills a lot and you are right, I need to ensure that feeling energy and being aware of their surroundings from the body is a vital life skill.
Whilst its important to ask how are children using the technology on offer and see clearly how its used almost to replace relationships. Its also important to see how adults are using their phones etc. I recall many years ago going out to dinner with friends and they sat there texting each other on the phone. So our own behaviour around using this technology is also worthwhile examining. I know I have looked at my own and I see how I can slip into ‘browse’ mode for no other reason that to check out of my day.
I agree Jennifer, our behaviour around children is worthwhile reflecting on.. Children learn more from what we do, than what we say, and futile to expect them to lessen their use of technology when we’re doing the same.
I remember how much I disliked it when hashtags (‘#’) suddenly appeared everywhere. Now I am getting used to it. I still can’t see the point but they are less off-putting.
haha – #GetWithTheProgram #JustJoking #LoveYourHonesty.
They are a symbol for connection because they link items of the same subject matter together.
ha ha Liane 😉
Love your playfulness Liane.
Funny – light and humour. Love it.
#hahabackatu #shrtexpression #fragment X cnection #notsogreat
This is the phenomenon we all probably know- something new gets released: of course, otherwise the wheel of distraction would come to a hold. First we really don´t like it, but then suddenly we get used to it. In German there is this expression: ‘Der Mensch ist ein Gewohnheitstier’ (The human being is a creature of habit). People get used to things because it is our nature somehow to adjust and get along with things. But there is the danger, if you don´t reflect and question, to become a robot, that does how everyone else does, without actually knowing why. You definitely should keep up with the world, but never forget to ask yourself what is true for you.
Great question Johanna what are we leaving behind to then come back to.
If we allow our children to be raised by technology that is void of true connection, then we will create a race of drones where the pilot has taken leave and any force can move in to steer these vehicles through the darkness of this self-created life. It is up to us to re-instil true connection with each other and within ourselves so that this connection becomes the guiding light that leads us safely home. In essence we are Souls made up of pure love and pure light. We were not designed to live in a world of shadows, yet we are here until the very last one dissolves. It is this that is our greatest responsibility – returning to and living the great love that we are. This is a great article Johanna that gives us some very practical examples of how to go about this. Thank you.
Mobile phones are just another ploy to take us away from connecting to ourselves and each other. We are buying into it hook, line and sinker, thus choosing the shadows and not the light.
This is a great point Liane. If we are raising the next generation who will be the next leaders and seeding forth the future – what are we going to come back to when we reincarnate? Are we going to come back to drone world or a world where being in our true light is fostered, Our Souls way as you have so brilliantly said.
Liane – as always your words melt me and go directly to my core. The level of your claimed light is tangible and deeply inspiring. Yes we are all souls and of pure light and this world of shadows is a mere diversion we have taken from our true path – and so we now return step by step retracing our choices thus far.
Thank you for sharing the truth of what is going on. i love what you have presented here in terms of how as parents we can adapt to what technology is doing, and offer children a way to truly connect. I also support a loving ‘NO’ when it is needed, in that we are saying yes to a true connection.
Recently the kids on our street have all come together and spend hours outside playing. The desire to watch DVDs has pretty much vanished. What comes from playing together fulfils us far more than any screen can. If given the true chance, I’m pretty sure kids would pick playing with friends over a screen.
Very cool. I love it when I see kids make new games up, play together and wow how funny are their conversations.
Children choose brotherhood over screen time if we model our own ways of living.
“Parenting for me today is about connecting to, living from and parenting from my deep inner wisdom.” Absolutely Johanna. I know some young children in a house where the TV isn’t ever on and is hidden away in a cupboard. However an ipad has been used in order to facilitate the taking of a medicine and it is shocking to see the tantrum resulting from it being removed – this in a child who has had very little exposure to a screen. I feel sad for this young generation growing up where if they don’t conform with their peers it will take strength and commitment to stand out from the crowd.
The need to ‘fit in’ and be part of the ‘in’ discussions is quite huge, however when a child is met with quality conversations and for who they are then we can bring the truth to the table and chat about what is it that our young generation are actually missing out on or not fitting into? What quality of connection and conversations are really happening? And if it’s far less than what they know to be true then my sense is that it will be easy for them to see that they are not missing out on much compared to the grandness they know within.
Children absorb information like sponges. Children are often more switched on than most adults and can remember and sense LOTS often more than most are aware. This means that the impact of technology is HUGE for the quality of how these children will end up living. But much more than this is the step before the tech. That is the disconnect within the family etc. If a child is truly met and held for who they truly are when they grow up they will not exhibit the same willingness to escape and numb themselves in technology as they know themselves to be much greater and grander
Very very true Joshua. And then technology will be used with purpose and in a responsible way.
The choice of liquid to soak up these sponges plays a vital role in our parenting that has led to these reflections from this blog.
The term ‘social anxiety’ has become a massive thing, which basically just describes anyone who finds social situations difficult because they get anxious, uncomfortable and don’t know how to interact – but is this really an illness or issue, or is it just a reflection of our decreasing social skills, that we dont know how to raise children and young adults to feel content and at ease in themselves, and therefor be truly confident out in the world whatever the situation, able to be open, engaging and connecting with everyone they meet.
So we must then think ahead to the reality of what the children today who experience social anxiety are going to be like as parents and what will their children be like etc
Through all my schooling there weren’t cell phones, iPads, email or even home computers. If we wanted to talk to our friend we had to call on the phone and sit there or if they lived in another town we wrote letters. Now among teenagers texting is called ‘talking’. I see YouTube as a huge distraction and go to for many teenagers, where they are learning about all kinds of topics and seeing them as true and real. Like the point you shared about the TV being an uninvited quest (even though we do invite it in with choosing it), many households have invited in the most loveless, destructive, demoralising, fiction, distractive, sexualising, discrimitive, abuse by placing an iPad in front of a child. If we come back to what we access in ourselves, are we aligning to a loving energy or an unloving energy… then all our choices are made in that quality. Connection is key, and encouraging our young to discern energy… what does it feel like, how does your body feel after listening to that or reading those messages, how is your mood, sleep, food choices affected after binging on social media, all support with clarity and seeing what is truly at play.
Perfectly expressed Aimee. You hit the nail in the head. The part that stood out for me in what you share is that our teens think what they view is true and real on some level. Taking this further it is easy to see the destruction caused from this lack of connection from what I see take place in classrooms and with kids today. Then we can also ask ‘why are we allowing technology to parent our kids?’
I love the honouring with which you consider and relate to children and also the fact that you take care to ensure clear consequences lovingly delivered. A great support to learn about responsibility and the part we play in the flow of life.
There is the old school approach with boundaries and negotiation and consequences which are so important for all children and parents and teachers etc to work with…but key ingredient of all as Joanna has presented is our actual connection first and foremost. Golnaz, it is beautiful how you have talked about all of us learning the responsibility that we have and the honouring of the roles we are here to truly play in order to allow the flow in life.
Yes life is changing quickly as I am now 26 and I grew up without the smartphones so meeting up and playing together was very normal when I was young. At uni now I see many phones and they are often there all the time, during class, in spare moments when having lunch etc. I can imagine how growing up is now very different too with the phones around.
Same here Lieke, being 28 now 20 years ago we played outside with the neighbors kids. I see at work today as adults it’s very common to be constantly checking our phones. This is what the kids pick up on even if they don’t see us doing it.
Great point Leigh and how often do we pick up and check our phones unnecessarily as a distraction from what we are doing. I try to remember to turn my phone over when I’m working so that I don’t see the screen light up with new messages.
Our phones can be the something to do when there’s a gap of doing. I see it no different to eating when bored.
Yes I do the same Fiona, otherwise I get very distracted and keep wanting to check up on new notifications.
The refection is enormous as the levels of disconnection that are offered in every moment we reach for our mobiles show our young that we are far from making life about people first.
Being a teenager is hard enough with finding who you are as you step away from the family. I wonder how it feels to want to connect to other kids, perhaps being unsure of yourself or insecure and finding you have to be pretty amazing to complete with the other kid’s phone. For most I imagine the hurt would be felt and they may give up and retreat into their phone/device.
It can be rather scary to consider how aware our children will be when Social Media plays such a large part in their education. Their natural sensitivity will be lost, dulled by incessant checking for likes, comments or photos.
Or perhaps it is an indication to just how sensitive they are – that this extreme level of social media as I see it is actually perhaps a reaction to them not getting met at the level they know to be true deep down.
When this happens, would there be a need for social media?
True Steve for when that time arrives it will not be called ” Social ” media but perhaps
” love media ” in the truth of what love is.
Valid sharing Carmel yet have we all stopped to consider that these behaviours come about from what is modelled in their surroundings by their parents and other adults.