About two months ago I was invited to have some regular contact with an elderly woman who has been diagnosed with dementia and now lives in a home for elderly people with this condition.
So I went to meet her and got to know the dementia nursing home and the staff that worked there. What I observed is that many of the residents were missing a sparkle in their eyes, or appeared vague with this blank stare. Most of the residents can‘t walk anymore and they just sit all day, with very little activity. It was eye-opening for me to see people spending the last few years of their lives this way. Seeing many of these elderly residents just existing in this haze, it made me consider – there was something more.
My Own Ways of Checking Out
Seeing all these people living with dementia was confronting to me because it made me become more aware of the way I used to live – and still partly live – my own life. I started to ponder more deeply on my own ways of checking out, of going off into my head, letting my mind go anywhere, doing things without being totally present.
I regularly checked out with distractions like surfing the internet or watching TV for hours, eating, talking, thinking, escaping into my mind, internet shopping or looking for a new home. An activity like surfing the internet itself is neutral, but it was the quality I chose to do these activities in: my intention was often driven by not wanting to feel and deal with what was really going on for me and the people around me.
I could feel how long I have lived avoiding to truly feel what is going on within and around me – so I started to realise that giving up and checking out is very familiar to me. I have not been taking responsibility for how I live and I have not been wanting to feel what I was feeling.
My experience now is: the more I allow myself to feel the more aware I get, even if it’s very confronting (like feeling people with dementia), and even if I have to feel my own choosing to check out. But this way I get to know more of me. Now I have to really turn around the way I live to support myself lovingly, to feel all and to stay present with myself and with what I am doing at any given time, and not to run and numb myself when I can feel some struggle or pain.
When I allow myself to feel all, I give myself permission to also feel the love and joy that I am and that is all around me: I now finally have felt this very clearly too.
So I started doing some research and reading articles about dementia…
In Germany we have at present about 1.4 million people with dementia and they expect a rise up to 2.2 million by 2030 (1).
So What Is Going On?
Something is going horribly wrong here. There is no coincidence in the way dementia is on the rise if we truly consider the way many people live their lives.
Dementia is not only a side effect of people getting old, it is a clear reflection of a society which is choosing to check out and distract as a normal way of being. And then, after doing that for years, they are ending up not wanting to feel how disconnected they have lived and finally want to escape from life completely.
Becoming aware of all of this and being honest with myself and how I was living, I now appreciate how much I have changed my way of living. From watching TV a lot and drinking alcohol every day throughout my adult life until I was about 30 years old, to now choosing to engage in life more fully.
Now I have a different marker in my body and I can see and feel that I am not empty but that I am full of life and vitality; this gives me a constant reminder to choose to stay present.
So now I present my whole self to that elderly lady with dementia, making sure I stay mentally present, not allowing myself to react but connecting in a loving way with her.
With that I am reminded that there is a different way, and that is what I bring into that home for people with dementia….. this is much needed.
I have started to connect to other people who work with people with dementia and I have started to talk to people about dementia in general. We need to really start to ponder on what is going on here, and to start the discussion…. what has led us to this epidemic?
By Janina Koch, Cologne, Germany
Inspired by Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and the Esoteric Student Body.
(1) http://www.bmg.bund.de/pflege/demenz/zukunftswerkstatt-demenz.html
Further reading:
Dementia – is it truly a mystery?
Sue I agree it is actual quite shocking that until someone cared enough about me to say hey is it possible that you are not with yourself that I started to look at the ways I checked out and then just how much I did check out by being in my mind and living from there. I never gave a thought to what was going on in my body. It has taken a long time to come back to myself and the difference is amazing so much so that I can now feel when I have left my body because it feels so sickening to do so.
I have become much more aware of the how we lose ourselves by not wanting to see and feel what is really there to be seen and felt. I always knew about energy as a child and I shut myself down so that I thought I was getting away with not feeling and so therefore was lacking in the basic responsibility of knowing and understanding energy. This then allows the energy to control me and my thoughts. Since meeting Serge Benhayon some time ago I have been very slowly developing a trust within myself that I do understand energy and that it affects everyone and everything we do, say, think and how we move and it is not as scary as I believed it to be as a child.
Doug you’re right when you say that many elderly people are ‘doped up on drugs to make them easier to manage’ because to be honest most of the care staff are also checked out and with a ratio of one staff to anything from 6 to 10 residents then steps are taken to make the ‘work load’ as easy as possible. Sure not all nursing homes are like that but many are and it’s understandable why they run the way that they do. What’s lacking in pretty much all of us is the understanding of the multidimensionality of life. We travel through life by rote, completely unaware that this is what we’re doing. We are a universally checked out planet.
Wow we really are responsible for our own health, and this article brings this home to us.
In reading this ‘I regularly checked out with distractions like surfing the internet or watching TV for hours, eating, talking, thinking, escaping into my mind, internet shopping or looking for a new home.’ what was scary was the regularly checking out with surfing the internet and just how much this has increased over time as currently having constant access to this we are doing it more and more every moment, every day. For instance it is normal now to get on a train in London and for nearly every single person to be looking at their phone, eyes down, no true connection with themselves or others around them. And if we are making this a ‘normal’ in life in our younger years then goodness what are the older years going to be like?
I have met some very inspiring people in their elder year, they still have that spark in their eye and love life. Every choice we make daily will contribute to the quality we live in in our elder years.
Beautiful reminder to me about the importance of being present in all that I do and the encounters I have, as the quality of my presence may be inviting for more disconnection (if I’m checked out too) or igniting awareness. Great responsibility to acknowledge!
Dementia is massive sign to all humanity that how we are living is far from true.
Yes and if it is increasing, which it is, then we absolutely need to look at how we have been and are living as clearly, on many levels it is not working. This article and dementia which makes some good reading and talks about it a bit more, including looking at what we need to change collectively https://www.unimedliving.com/living-medicine/medical-conditions/alzheimer-s-dementia-do-we-have-a-part-to-play.html
It is almost an epidemic now and people look forward to retiring have definitely checked-out as what retirement feels like is a way of not fully committing to life! When we are committed to life a vitality is felt that lasts and is felt in our every movement so we live with a joy and harmony with our-selves and all others, which is the feeling we express and share with others.
Dementia is horrible, it’s avoidable and it is growing – this says a lot about how we are living as human beings.
Checking-out with things outside of us instead of checking-in with who we are.
Sure because currently so many of us equate the things that are outside of us with who we are. We see ourselves as our jobs, our kids, our partners, the cars we drive, the hobbies we do, the films we watch, the food we eat, our holiday destinations, our income, our struggles etc but none of these things are who we are because none of these things exist on the inside and in truth it’s only what exists on the inside that truly dictates who we are.
Janina, your article feels like an important reminder of the long term affects of checking out and going off into our heads; ‘ I started to ponder more deeply on my own ways of checking out, of going off into my head, letting my mind go anywhere, doing things without being totally present.’
It is easy to be critical of another with dementia, however, on some level we all know how to ‘check out’ and not be present and even then there are levels of presence! Likewise we can feel when someone holds a very strong level of awareness and presence and this is very beautiful and inspiring. And so we have a choice each and every day to support ourselves with the presence and this can in turn inspire others to do likewise. A win win all around.
I agree Alison with the internet we need to sharpen our powers of discernment, I too can go on to Facebook for example just to wish someone a joyful Birthday and find myself looking through the feed and getting distracted. Interesting that I get these notifications by email every time a Facebook friend is having a Birthday…and interesting that I sometimes have a knee jerk reaction to follow it up. Likewise in researching something…it is the curiosity of the mind that can take us off on these forays. Continually checking in with the breath and body supports us – the more we use these markers on a regular basis the more they become our truth…and we become true.
‘what has led us to this epidemic?’ great question and one I feel we are turning a blind eye to. I see a lot of people turning to distraction and numbing out, especially with technology. I hear people talk about self-care as binge watching TV and taking time out. I look at how I can want to retreat from the world and not be present. I know this isn’t what is needed or what supports my health in anyway.
Great point – it’s not what we do, as in, an activity can be neutral – but how we do it – the intention behind it, that makes the difference between whether it is something that deepens our connection with one another and the wider world, or distances us from it. Thinking about connecting to what we can feel is very different to actually just connecting to and being aware of what we can feel.
Being present and feeling what is going on for us is one thing, but what is our ability to accept life as it is without avoidance or reaction?
Living wth my mother with dementia for many years was an experience that brought understanding and the importance of presence and commitment to life to my life with the support understanding and root cause of this from the way of living with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that made all the difference and is a vital part of our lives to remain who we truly are.
I regularly go into these care homes to help out, and the first few times was a real eye opener, and quite distressing how many people spend the last few years of their lives in this zombie like state. This brings it back to the importance of healing ourselves, of making sure we are present in our bodies, and healing anything that may hinder that.
All illness and disease have an underlying cause. The more we are open to seeing the root cause of an illness the more we will be able to deal with it and indeed prevent it.
Yes, it is the only way really, to address and heal the underlying cause, otherwise we are just dealing with symptoms which were really just a warning signal from our body that something was wrong.
The thing that I like to remember when I meet a person who has dementia, is how once they were vibrant and strong and full of life, and even though those times have past, that person, or the essence of them, still remains.
From my experience with dementia it is not something that any of us want to experience it can be a very slow and horrible way to die. There are only a few people in the world that are honest enough to speak the truth of the energy behind dementia and because no one seems prepared to listen or take responsibility then it is a illness that will increase just like all the other illness and diseases that we get because we disregard our bodies and ourselves.
As a society checking out is big business, people pay a lot of money to indulge in mind-numbing activities and body-numbing activities. And then more money is paid out to the whole elderly care industry
When you check out from feeling the stuff you don’t want to feel, you also check out from feeling the amazingness of yourself, the joy of being you. It is like we throw the ‘baby out with the bathwater’.
It is about bringing a true understanding why it is important to stay connected to our feelings and not checkout. When we love our selves deeply we are able to bring this level of true understanding.
What I notice about this article, is how ‘checking-out’ from oneself is also a distancing from everybody else, and as this gets compounded in our elder years, it also becomes apparent of just how much we really need eachother and to constantly work on remaining open and connected with eachother.
Yes I agree, dementia exposes how we have been living and the lack of connection to ourselves and hence towards others in our lives; unless we make our lives truly about people and our connection with one another then there will always be an opening for dementia to occur.
Dementia is on the rise, so too is our many forms or entertainment and distraction – no coincidences there.
Entertainment and distraction are a few forms that are affecting the alertness of one’s being. When we check out with all this we are saying its ok to be this way.
Whenever we choose not to be with our body we are checking out. We check out not to feel because what we are feeling we think is too painful but in truth it is painful and can feel very uncomfortable not to feel as when we choose not to feel we hold ill-energy within our body. Connecting and allowing ourselves to feel no matter what it is or how ridiculous we make think it is, is amazing medicine for the body and something I am learning to give myself a daily dose of not because I don’t want to have dementia or other illness and disease but because I feel vital and alive when I allow myself to feel.
To deal with the large number of people getting dementia now, and at an earlier age we have to look at the root cause of the disease and this article does that. When we don’t deal with our hurts we don’t want to be in our bodies and that brings about the need to check out. Dementia is telling us that we need to heal ourselves.
Beautifully said Elizabeth what are those tensions in life that we find so difficult to deal with that we avoid by checking out and distracting.
It really is about us taking responsibility of healing our hurts so we don’t end up with dementia or any form or illness.
Absolutely Elizabeth, bring it back to the root cause of any disease is imperative. ‘When we don’t deal with our hurts we don’t want to be in our bodies and that brings about the need to check out.’ We have to be responsible for healing ourselves.
It’s an important point you raise here Janina because we aren’t taught as a general rule what ‘checking out’ is and not to check out. I know from experience that there are the obvious checkouts, like losing yourself in social media, or a book or a computer game but there are the other much more subtle ways where we simply may not want to know something and divert attention away with a thought or an action. When I do this I deliberately disconnect and it has an effect on me later that leaves me maybe feeling tired, hungry, demotivated or emotional. It’s not an obvious correlation but it is one I have begun to recognise and know by simply observing myself and what I’m feeling.
Interesting to understand the effects checking out can have on us at a later point in time as you say here Rosanna, like feeling hungry, tired, demotivated and emotional. I can relate to this, but also know that when I stay focussed on what I am doing, and bring true purpose the complete opposite to all the above happens. Its quite extraordinary!
Not only are we ‘not taught what checking out is and not to check out’ but we are taught to check out in pretty much every area of our lives. At school we’re taught to go into our heads in order to learn rather than being taught that wisdom is what comes through the body. We are taught to compete which takes our focus away from what’s truly going on inside, we are taught that entertainment and relaxation are good things and yet both are checking out, we are taught to use food to check out at pretty much every meal, the list is literally endless because we have made checking out our accepted way of living.
The checked outness of life most of us are living in the world from all ages is a real epidemic and opening this out for true discussion and awareness is vital in the world, and is beautifully shared with a realness and honesty here to be seen and known what is really going on and the simple changes and choices we can all make for us to stop this with true love and responsibility.
Dementia has now become a major factor that effects many families. The ‘c’ word was seen as the biggest concern, but with these growing rates in escapism with dementia it looks like the ‘d’ word has over taken in our modern day living.
That is so true, and hence there is a big fear around dementia, and opportunity for people to take responsibility so that it does not creep into their life.
No coincidence that there is a rise in cases of dementia and checking out in a world with more methods of escaping and being distracted than ever before.
The best way to offset ill-conditions is to live in a way that inspires and not judges.
It is very revealing to feel how so many children are now checked out.
“We need to really start to ponder on what is going on here, and to start the discussion…. what has led us to this epidemic?” No one is talking about what we have done to be in such a messy frightening place when it comes to the ever growing statistics with dementia.
We don’t just get dementia – dementia happens over many years and will always start with disengagement and disillusionment from life.
It is quite shocking to take stock how and when, how often and how deeply we check out but a great step to living life more fully.
You don’t have to check out. I know plenty of people in their 80s and even 90s who don’t check out, who are very much there.
As with many things in life we have come to except that dementia is just a fact of life, something many people will get when growing older. But could it be that this perceived acceptance is already a form of checking out? We do not look at the reality anymore which shows us it is not just simply old age, for if it was should it not have happened in the same way 50 or more years ago? And why is it happening to people in the 40′ and 50’s now as well? If we truly want to look at what is behind this epidemic we need to first be willing to see to the detail what is going on.
The way we use technology to escape life only seems to have escalated our checking out. Seeing the true devastating affects dementia wreaks it’s clear that there’s no app that will fix this.
I pondered recently about the fact, that we think, that when you get older it is “normal” to get a disease like dementia. What if it is not normal that at a certain age, you don´t feel vital, you have no spark anymore and that it is all about, either travelling the world, waiting to die or “enjoying” life by doing nothing. What if the whole system and pictures we have of ageing is a huge lie and actually does not honour any of our elderly, wise people. How much comfort do we seek by getting older and what if working with purpose for the all is our greatest prevention for any kind of disease in life?
What we see in nursing homes is the end result of having dementia already for a long time, I just read an article from a professor of psychiatry and ageing at the university of Edinburgh who suggest that prevention of this disease needs to start earlier, in our midlife, lifestyle decisions around that age will impact our chance of getting dementia. So yes we need this discussion around what is going on with this epedemic and to become very honest how we are contributing with living unaware and checked out a lot. For myself I’ve noticed that I need to be much more present in small things, like ‘did I locked the car, where did I put my sunglasses (even when I’ve put them away 5 minutes ago’) Hallo where are you?
One just needs to take a glimpse of our everyday behaviours how often are we checking our devices, checking screens looking to be entertained and longing for endless holidays. All in the pursuit of disengaging with life.
That is a great point and much of this ‘checking’ is for the purpose of checking out.
This is such a great point Annelies as it is exactly these small things that we forget so quickly that are potentially the beginnings of Dementia, and they can actually start when we are quite young. So if dementia is not only on the increase in older people, but people are being diagnosed with the condition younger and younger, prevention at an earlier age makes complete sense.
Just by looking around now at people on the streets, in grocery stores, restaurants, and schools with their zombie-like gazes glued to various screened devices and pretty much oblivious to everything going on around them, it seems obvious to me that we are headed for a massive increase in the levels of dementia worldwide if these behaviours prevail and are not addressed in a way that gets to the cause of why we are using so many methods to avoid being and expressing our true soulful way.
While looking for a new home recently I noticed just how addicted it started to feel when I was searching for houses on the internet, and how I was using it to check-out in a way from what I was feeling on a deeper level at the time. This became readily evident after we found a place to move to and there was a feeling of something lost or missing, as I no longer had any reason for searching incessantly on the internet! I actually missed it, which was very revealing when I got honest about why I had adopted this behaviour.
We can take our physical AND mental health into our own hands, and instead of leaving it up to ‘how we age’ as to whether or not we develop dementia or other illnesses/diseases, we can commit in full to living from now a routine where we are fully engaged with life, aware and looking after ourselves.
Yes, you still can’t predict what happens but you can be there in full and there are lots of indications that a life lived this way will be much more loving and healthy than otherwise.
How often do we all take note of the moments we choose to check out even if that is for a spilt second? We all can feel the tensions of the world but when we choose to check out we are offering less to others in our expression and harming the greater community in the way our bodies take on this impact.
The illusions can been seen, we know them, our choice to allow them will keep us locked on the path of illness. Using the wisdom we hold to expose them is very much needed, as Elizabeth shares above. To ignore, brush under the carpet, keep quiet to maintain the peace, is to escalate the rise of illnesses such as dementia.
As a kid daydreaming in my head was my safety blanket and over these last couple of years I’ve been learning to be more and more present with what I am feeling and the current moment I am in, it is simple to accept what I am feeling but breaking down the momentum of constantly choosing to escape requires time and commitment and appreciation for when I am present which brings a lot of understanding, steadiness and clarity into my life.
If the figures quoted here do actually eventuate, then we have all failed, as each of us, through our own choice of how we live, are reflections for our coming generations. Is this not enough of a reason to live present, joyful and light each and every day?
What is so very sad is that the things we use to check out with are not only becoming more prolific, affordable and super stimulating, but that we have humanity (a whole race of people) wanting more.
I get that I have a responsibility towards myself, to feel what is going on within me and I am willing to live this truth to the best of my ability. I also get that I have a responsibility to feel what is going on around me but I am aware as I read this blog that there is some resistance coming up to say yes wholeheartedly to this responsibility. Is it because of my lack of acceptance and understanding choosing sympathy instead of love and holding them knowing they will one day let go of the hurt and pain they are feeling? To observe, detach, empower and read what is going on within others not only supports them but it also supports me too, a learning for a greater level of love to hold within my body.
I have read articles that show that dementia is now affecting people in their thirties, it does ask us as a society to stop and pay more attention to what is going on and how we are living, if this used not to occur in the past, but is now.
This article is great and I feel that we need many more articles like it in the world today, so there can at the very least start to be a conversation on what is actually happening for each person.
Once, a few years ago I went to visit an old lady in a nursing home. To the outlooker she looked normal, as she had done all of her life her hair was combed perfectly, make up done, clothes well put together but to those who knew her she was empty. She was speaking stuff that did not make sense, or were a complete lie. Which of course will be the case, when we allow our mental state to run the show we can come up with a million scenarios, different stories and we could actually convince ourselves are true, we can create a life of lies and be convinced we are living truth.
I am with you Janina in choosing to be present and commitedly in life without perfection to reflect the truth of how Life can be.
Dementia will continue to grow and grow unless we look at our distractions and what we avoid.
To look at our own habits in which we check out is very important. Rather than looking at the illness that is dementia, what if we took 10 steps back and looked at the ways in which we are not there in our day – and consider that these all add up to feeding the state of play.
Really there is no better feeling then being really engaged and fully present and committed in the world, yet we live in a world where everything around us tells us not to be our true selves hence why many of us are constantly looking for outside distractions because we feel we can not simply be ourselves.
We say old age is horrible and something to avoid but could it be it’s just a mirror of the way we’ve lived our life? And so if we chose to escape what we end up with will be hard to take. But imagine what an elder would be like who’s consistently chosen Love and to live with honesty? It seems to me they’d be so wise and rich and joyful to be alive. This is the path I wish to take – so thanks to your blog Janina, I can see what to choose today.
Awesome point Joseph.
I have known some vibrant, alive elderly people and their essence has been a pleasure to enjoy in their older years. The beauty is, it is never too late to begin to live a loving, engaging life.
We don’t like to see it, but our choices add up. Illnesses are not random as may seem but a confirmation that we’ve been living less than Love. When we see each illness as a correction we can’t help but see how healing sickness can be.
Yes, its true that when we check out to numb what we don’t want to feel, we are also numbing ourselves from feeling love and the great stuff too.
I visit a rest home about once a week and many of the residents appear to be totally unaware of life going on around them, but there are also some who are alert and enjoying life to the best of their physical ability. When I observe those who appeared to ‘checked out’, I wonder what has brought them to this place in their lives, a place where they are simply existing from day to day. There appears to not be a set pattern as there are those in their 70’s who struggle to move and to converse, and then there is the most delightful and very active 100 year old who, to me, is living life to the fullest and is an absolute joy to be around. I get a sense from talking to her that this is the way she lived her life, fully present and making the most of every moment.
‘An activity like surfing the internet itself is neutral, but it was the quality I chose to do these activities in: my intention was often driven by not wanting to feel and deal with what was really going on for me and the people around me.’ How many people choose to use the internet in this manner and would relate it to a checked out state as dementia, yet for me it rings true, it all has to do with the quality we choose to do things in whether we stay present or not.
In giving up what is real, we give up living in connection to our Soul, the quality that truly animates us to live with true purpose, from our very first to our very last breath. Regardless of the age of our body our lives are enriched whenever we live in connection to our essence, as such reflect the light of who we are with whatever we do. There is always much for us to share, explore and learn as our evolution is always on offer.
I would say forgetfulness isn’t just an old age thing, I know people in their 20’s that can’t remember something I’ve told them 5 times. I have blanked out entire events or tasks I had to do when I get lost in the busyness of my mind. It’s like I can’t think straight and everything is hazey. Coming back to how I feel helps make sense of everything again.
Of late I’ve realised that many people in my daily passing or sharing with them are suffering with forgetfulness or just saying “Oh I do that a lot lately” and put it down to their age? Observing this, it is very much an accepted reality of life that this is ‘normal’.
This blog and others relating to this subject have really touched my awareness levels regarding dementia and similar numbing out activities that take place constantly. Age is only another excuse – what a mind bender!
Feeling what has to be felt the confronting things we don’t want to acknowledge is opening up more space to accept ourselves, we grow and expand when we do that and we also expand in understanding of the world. What a loving process..
Beautiful Adele. I have realised that through my own reaction and then resistance to feeling all that was going on in the world and even in my life, I was shutting off to bringing all that I knew deep down was what the world needed more of; love and my connection to it. With our openness to embrace life, all of it, we are open to know and feel what is needed to bring more of who we are, our truth and love to life, which is everything that this world is crying out for.
Dementia essentially begins when we begin to check out and not want to be a part of real life. Think of the number of teens and adults already checking out on screens, even walking out around town with their phone out and looking at the screen all the time completely oblivious to what is going on around them…it is like we want so much to escape real life that we are willing to be immersed into a virtual reality. But the real question is, why are we so keen to escape ‘real life’?
I too have visited and worked in Nursing homes, and it is confronting to see the elderly that are walking around in black and white rather than in colour so to speak – and as you have so beautifully said Janina, having lost their sparkle! But when you do connect with them and see the beginnings of the return of the sparkle, it feels amazing to see them begin to blossom again!
“I could feel how long I have lived avoiding to truly feel what is going on within and around me – so I started to realise that giving up and checking out is very familiar to me.” As a society it is not our ‘norm’ to really go there with our feelings, we are surrounded by a million things that help us to avoid our true feelings yet with the high rise in dementia we can see this is not working and has never worked.
It is an epidemic one that seems to be accepted as ‘normal’. Not normalising checking -out with screens, music or any substance would be a great awareness to share with people if/when they are open to such a chat.
While reading this blog I could feel just how often I have used various methods to check out and not feel what is going on for me. So I look forward to staying open to seeing when I go to these behaviors and why.
This makes total sense Janina – when following thoughts in the mind there is a lack of presence and awareness of being with the body. Since attending presentations with Universal Medicine it has become very clear that being fully present with my body is key to true wellbeing.
I agree completely Stephanie. From my own experience, I know that when I am fully present in my body, everything flows, I dont think, and I know exactly what to do. But when I start having to think I know that I have temporarliy lost that connection and everything feels complicated and hard to do, plus I get tired very quickly.
Not many people would like to read this that we are responsible for our own Dementia, but in fact its very true because as a humanity we all have been choosing and living irresponsibility. And Dementia is the now obvious outcome of this in the knowing that all our choices have consequences and that we create everything in our lives – we do indeed paint our own canvas.
‘Dementia is not only a side effect of people getting old, it is a clear reflection of a society which is choosing to check out and distract as a normal way of being. And then, after doing that for years, they are ending up not wanting to feel how disconnected they have lived and finally want to escape from life completely’. Dementia explained… I can feel the truth in my body, having lived many years being checked out. In deep gratitude to The Way of The Livingness, Presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that has supported me to feel again and take responsibility for my life and past choices.
‘It needs to be understood that we cause our own dementia by checking out and gradually giving up on life and that therefore we are responsible for our own dementia.’ This is huge and generally, at large, we are no-where near coming to this understanding about the disease. With this understanding we have self-empowerment…we have choices on how we truly want to live by knowing the consequences of what those choices can bring.
As a society, we seem to be more checked out than ever. In fact, we are checking out in every moment on all kinds of devices. It is scary really as children start checking out very young these days and are often stuck to a screen with no awareness of what is going on around them. So I agree Janina, we need to shake off this inertia and allow ourselves to feel.
Awesome Janina. You bring it home with “When I allow myself to feel all, I give myself permission to also feel the love and joy that I am and that is all around me”. The mind is the microcosmic. The macrocosmic is feeling all your body and importantly the love (that is) all around us. This might not be so distinct in a pub but my experience has been the more I accept the love within the more love I will feel all around me.
Having family members with dementia has to be tough, not only from the memory point of view but the anger and aggression that can surface with some people. I wonder if the reasons why they were checking out in the first place come up to the surface in the form of an angry outburst.
When I first heard the link between checking out and dementia I wanted to resist this, it seemed so simple yet meant there was no one or nothing to blame apart from my choices. The more I deepen presence in my life the more it makes sense and I see just how much I was checking out in life and therefore how I was setting myself up to get dementia .
I love how the true answers to illness and disease are often very simple, the question then becomes why is there so much interest in research but not so much enthusiasm to the simple answers to illness and diseases? Like dementia could well be people checking out in their minds their whole life so in the end they don’t know who they are anymore hence the memory loss. In a world with dementia and other diseases rising it is worth to give these ideas a go.
It amazes me how much money gets thrown at finding out the cause of dementia, millions and millions of pounds spent researching something that if we stop, take a moment and use common sense – we may well find the answer.
Why have we got to a stage where so many people want to check out from their lives? Life is a magnificent opportunity, why do we not grab it with both hands, the great parts and the not so great parts and take every possible opportunity to learn and grow and truly flourish in life, giving up is simply not an option.
‘When I allow myself to feel all, I give myself permission to also feel the love and joy that I am and that is all around me’ and it is so beautiful to feel this. God is everywhere and everything and to feel this is an immense joy.
It will be interesting to observe the impact that video games, excessive screen time and lack of real connections has on the current generation when they are older as nowadays you can see that same vacant look in the eyes of some children who spend many hours a day on screens. It really concerns me what is happening with this and what it will lead to, although you can already see the impacts.
With dementia statistics going through the roof, (with 850,000 people currently with dementia in the UK alone, and numbers set to rise to over 1 million by 2025). Again, the forward trajectory after this is far greater, to get an understanding that the root cause is simply in the form of checking out is amazing. It gives a basis to work with the condition from.
I agree, the true answers are usually quite simple and found in your way of living. This reveals that we are so attached to our way of life that we are not willing to see what is the true cause of our epidemics in illness and disease.
‘What has led us to this epidemic?’ A great question to be asking Janina as unfortunately we are seeing more and more cases of dementia being diagnosed, thank you for starting such an important conversation and bringing awareness to this much needed topic.
I spend quite a bit of time with people with dementia. What I am observing is that if I stay truly present with them and talk to them how they often reply with full awareness of what is being spoken about, then they retreat back into their checked out state. I find it quite fascinating how, when they choose to they become quite cognitive.
“So now I present my whole self to that elderly lady with dementia, making sure I stay mentally present, not allowing myself to react but connecting in a loving way with her.” This way of being with people who have dementia is exactly what is needed and it requires those around the person with dementia to be very self-caring in order to support in this way.
When I observe the level of checking out in those around me, from very young to old, it is very obvious that the incidence of dementia is not only going to rise rather dramatically but that the age of onset is going to get lower and lower. This is one amazing world we live in so why do so many want to disconnect from it by disconnecting from themselves first?
I have found that the more responsibility I bring to the quality of my movements the more consistent I am in life, as the moment I drop by reacting or taking on energy form another is the moment I seek distraction needing to check out, so making life about that quality is the way forth to live with purpose for the good of all.
There are some great reminders here for me Janina from the experiences you have shared, that it’s so vital to not just stay present but allow ourselves to feel all there is to feel. I also appreciated this line “When I allow myself to feel all, I give myself permission to also feel the love and joy that I am and that is all around me: I now finally have felt this very clearly too.” We don’t realise we also check out from our loveliness when we check out to not feel something unpleasant or uncomfortable.
I was not aware until recently how much I use food to ‘check out’. I stopped listening to the radio because I realised that I could not be present with what I was doing whilst the radio was on in the background but I now realise that I have replaced the radio with eating so that I can switch off from the day and not feel what was there to be felt.
It is sad to see people choose to withdraw from life completely in which they become a mere figure of who they used to be when young. We really must study this phenomena as it is not our normal. What in life makes us so desperate and makes us choose to completely disconnect from that lovely and joyful child we all once were. These kind of questions we have to ask ourselves more and we have to stop to accept the current way of life as being normal.
The world can reflect back to us many uncomfortable behaviours, I am learning I have a part in adding to that . That we are all connected carries great responsibility as what I do does have an impact on others. I have been blessed to meet people who are committed to life without reservation. It’s a commitment not through gritted teeth, just about making it through the day, or with the blinkers on, but with full presence, able to see all the ugliness that is present in the world but see beyond that to the beauty we all are and the love we are all held in.
The presence of these people has inspired me to take another look, to see beneath the horror, including the horror of the checked outness of others and how it is promoted through technology. Those I know who have dementia somewhere couldn’t stand what they felt and saw in the world so they checked out. Being present and people seeing this may inspire them to connect to the world actually being ok, not being so scary once we connect to the love we are and how powerful this is, far more so than any ugliness that exists to keep us imprisoned in fear and helplessness.
It is interesting speaking to someone who has a family member with dementia, they can feel so powerless and upset watching their loved one slowly withdraw from life and check out more and more. We really begin to start looking at this disease more responsibly and seeing how we each are contributing to the intensity experienced by so many, for starters I am being honest about where I check out in life?
I also see a lot of people with dementia and it is not always easy to see. Could a part of the reason why we find it so hard to see be that we are checking out ourselves too and that they are the ultimate reflection of what this behaviour does to us? Leaving us void of the true us because if we are not choosing to be presently there in our body what else does come in?
I recently observed an interaction between a couple at dinner where the husband was feeding his wife who has dementia. Her whole body was turned away from him, as he tried to shovel the food into her mouth, she kept her mouth shut and just did not want it, he was getting angrier and angrier and he kept on and on until eventually she gave up and ate a mouthful or two. You could feel the dynamic between the 2 of them and I suspected she had decided dementia was a way to not have to take responsibility for what to me felt like the abuse that was happening in the relationship. Little did she know that it would keep happening just in a different way.
The amount of people being diagnosed with dementia is increasing every year. This to me is a big wake up call for us to look around and see the lie we have been living in.
The trouble is it’s almost impossible for those of us who are checked out to ‘look around and see the lie we have been living in’. A checked out state is a self contained and self perpetuating state. That’s not to say that we can’t come out of it, we can but most of us don’t wake up in one go, we slowly come to by changing the choices of how we’re choosing to live, one choice at a time.
Although it is important to focus effort on finding treatments for the end result of illness and disease, would not be equally sensible to put far more emphasis on the energetics of why that illness and disease manifested in the first place?
Absolutely Suse and dementia is an illness which needs this kind of focus. I feel that when we avoid responsibility in any shape or form we are checking out. When there are things we don’t want to see and think we don’t know how to handle we turn a blind eye but they don’t go away. We can choose not to be aware of our feelings but somewhere our body is registering everything that we react or respond to. Dementia does not have to happen, especially to the degree it is today.
Our reflections to others are so powerful – and what a gift you share of being totally present to someone who has dementia. I was reading recently what the common cause of death is for dementia – and it is that you start to forget basic bodily functions like eating and coughing. It really made me feel the extent to which we can not be present if an illness can take over our bodies in such a way – so it is our choice to change the state of play and start to choose to be present in our own situations.
This is true Janina, the more we allow ourselves to feel the more aware we become. The one is a consequence of the other, I love the simplicity of this permission we can give ourselves to know what is truly going on, because that’s what it feels like sometimes; that there is a lot that we may not wish to acknowledge but to know we can have this conversation with ourselves.
‘Dementia is not only a side effect of people getting old, it is a clear reflection of a society which is choosing to check out and distract as a normal way of being. And then, after doing that for years, they are ending up not wanting to feel how disconnected they have lived and finally want to escape from life completely’. Hitting the nail right on the head, when I read this Janine…..I love how you have questioned yourself and have questioned, what is going on, this is a discussion we all want to be a part of, especially with the Dementia increasing rapidly.
It is pretty shocking to realise that the early signs of dementia can start at quite a young age, simply by people not engaging fully in life with what they are doing, however small the situation may seem. If we are to really begin to take on board these early signs, and address them when they begin to happen, then there is every chance that this disease can at least be slowed down, if not halted before it develops into something that becomes too difficult to treat.
The more I feel the more aware I become, the less life or the what is not love in my life, in my choices or whats around me or from other people is an issue because I feel the love that is underneath all of it. What this is showing me is how I can respond in a loving way with anything and everything in life and how I have chosen to live in such a way that says no to such responsiveness.
This is the thing, when we choose to be aware of all that we feel we get to feel the love and joy that we innately are, that unites us all and with God.
What I observed when working in the dementia wing last week in the aged care place was that on the whole the residents were totally checked out but when it suited them they were very with it and even conversed very well. I find this very interesting. One woman who had been very checked out, aggressive and fought me to dress her was like a totally different woman when her daughter arrived. She was with it and chatted away to her daughter. She did not see that I was observing the interaction.
Taking care of ourselves, being honest with ourselves,being present and staying committed and connected with life will keep us alert and aware as soon as we give up on ourselves and life dementia starts to weave its way.
We can deny it but our choices are always felt, even a minute of checking out leaves our body in a state of distress, add thousands of minutes up and we end up with dementia.
“I could feel how long I have lived avoiding to truly feel what is going on within and around me” – We do this more often than we realise; make choices to avoid and ignore what’s going on around us. Even the choice of who we go to at the supermarket checkout is revealing – do we go to the cashier who looks lovely and quiet, or someone who might be having a tough day and is taking slightly longer to scan the items? We tend to calculate all of this before making a judgement and decision.
It is very true what you say, the more I don’t want to feel something or face a choice I have made, the more thoughts come into my head. I can always tell that something’s up because the thoughts get very manipulative, exactly the right thing comes to me to make an excuse or go into a story, and the more I entertain these thoughts the more real they become. It’s actually so scary to realise just how much we create our own world and can be imprisoned by it.
Dementia can start when we begin to check out from taking responsibility for our life. We just don’t get dementia, we choose to check out first and the more we check out the more we retreat from life which eventually can lead to dementia. The moral of the story is to stay present and responsible.
The quality of dementia, in being consumed in the mind or fixated on screens, virtual realities are one and the same. What is different about sitting blankly staring into a virtual reality and being physically incapacitated? One can choose to pull themselves out ofcourse and the other can’t but the moment we disconnect from the aliveness of our natural state of being we begin to reduce what we naturally hold in our bodies and become rather dull and dementia like.
It was very deeply heartfelt and eye opening to read your blog about dementia again. Dementia is a state of being where one has become so given up and withdrawn that we can no longer function, and the effects in ourselves and others are devastating for our expression. I used to work in aged care homes which are increasingly being designed more and more to aid the epidemic of dementia and let people retreat into their ‘paradise’ without offering some sort of reminder or comittment to life which ultimately is the antidote to dementia. I find sometimes I don’t use my memory a lot and sometimes I am far more mentally alert than others – the difference is in the quality of the being and the comittment to life.
Yes, you could basically say, that whenever we do checkout and go into our heads, its like having dementia, as you certainly get that vague, what was I doing feeling when this is chosen, and this can be quite unsettling when you don’t feel your body or the stability of your own love as a support.
Janina, great article and you raise some really important questions, I know in England that there are now homes opening specifically for people with dementia – it is an illness that is rapidly increasing in our population. Working with someone with dementia has made me aware of the end result of me going off into my head and not staying present, it seems that in society we have not linked checking out and being in our heads rather than our bodies and dementia – yet.
I used to use my mind as a form of escape. I enjoyed my thoughts and day dreams and as a means to not feel what was there to be felt, it worked. But when I felt into this on a deeper level I could feel a scantiness, a dissociation with my body, an underlying anxiety and constant raciness. This did not feel good and the only counter was to come out of my head and be more present with my body…also committing to deal with my issues that I wanted to escape from was key.
Same here Rachel I would never think twice (pun intended) about going into my mind to escape from life but it’s becoming increasingly disturbing to escape from my feelings and increasing beneficial to face what I am feeling.
I had certain ‘day dreams’ that I used to love disappearing into, so indulgent and so dis-connecting. I could be walking, at work, at home, anywhere and I would disappear into the comforting little scenario that I had been incubating over many years. No screen, food or equipment needed to check out, just the simple act of slipping into a day dream, how handy is that?
We can never know who we truly are without our connection to our essence within. In fact, it is our lack of connection to our love that hurts us the most, through which we seek to escape the unease we are left with feeling. Sadly, what you have presented here all makes sense Janina, as our minds are designed to work in conjunction with our inner-heart and the entire body, yet with years of disconnection our sense of knowing who we are is lost, our sense of purpose wanes and eventually becomes vacant, leaving us and our bodies lacking our presence. Thank you, for sharing this message of the significance of living in connection to who we are, not only for ourselves but also for the quality of presence, the quality of love, we can then bring to the world to share with others.
Thank you Janina , its so beautiful that you are visiting these people so they see a person as you say
” when I allow myself to feel all, I give myself permission to also feel the love and joy that I am and that is all around me ”
From there this will be a stepping stone to support people with dementia .
It is a sad fact that many people with dementia are there because they have given up on life, people early on start to close down as they know this life is not the life we should be living.
“I could feel how long I have lived avoiding to truly feel what is going on within and around me” I could really relate to this, having been someone who has kept myself in so much busyness in life, so I didn’t have to truly feel what is going on. So checking out became a very real past time. I would do everything and anything to not feel, drink, do drugs, be in relationships that weren’t evolving. But now that i have let those types of activities go, I now feel that the distractions are more subtle but the affect is the same. I can now get lost on the internet, or on my phone, on facebook, these don’t sound as dramatic as drugs and drinking, but they are still equally taking away from myself. So I have to ask the question…..why? why do I want to not be with myself, connected. I know that there isn’t a truth to that, in fact I have never felt more love for myself than what I do now. But I know I still distract a lot!. This is something to ponder on further.
The rates of dementia are truly alarming as they continue to escalate worldwide. What is great to read here is someone willing talk honesty about what is truly going on in a society that looks for remedies and quick fixes. The reality is that this growing trend is now moving towards the 40 million mark. Everyone of us can be effected directly or through family, friends and friends of friends. We are never far from this truth.
I noticed with a relative of mine that her dementia started far earlier than the actual, apparently sudden onset. Checking out was something she regularly and in a big way chose for herself because she did not know how to otherwise cope with a life that she perceived as unbearable.
The importance of what you share here and are bringing to understanding people with dementia is enormous and far beyond what is currently understood in a world where checking out and not wanting to feel is the normal and this is getting greater and in younger ages all the time . The joy of connection and presence with ourselves and in every moment is a gift in life we can all appreciate and enjoy if we make consistent choices in our everyday livingness throughout our lives .
How we live, interact with others and interact with life in general really sets us up (or not so much!) for our later years because the state of our body is simply a reflection of choices lived.
It’s time to no longer accept our mind takes over as we know we are not our thoughts when we are not connected with our body. I don’t like my wandering thoughts to go around and around, to find myself in a place I don’t belong, tired and dizzy. Being fully present, appreciating and confirming this way of living is our responsibility and only then we can reflect there is a different way where we engage in society reflecting the love that we are.
“to now choosing to engage in life more fully.” Elderly people have so much experience of life to share if they stay fully engaged with all around them.
I am doing an online course on dementia and it is very interesting. Scientists dont know the cause of it but age is the biggest risk factor. There are many lifestyle choices that significantly reduce the likelihood of someone developing the disease so what you present here Janina makes a lot of sense.
A great question to be asking Janina – what has led us to this epidemic? This line feels key to this: “…the more I allow myself to feel the more aware I get…”Because it seems that as humans we seem to be fighting our own awareness and this perhaps comes from the absolute knowing that the way we are currently living life is not ‘it’ and the more we allow ourselves to feel this the more we have to take responsibility for our waywardness so as to change the ill way of living we are thus far so caught up in living, if not championing.
Dementia is so common with those who are old, it’s totally unusual to see someone who is all there. It makes absolute sense as you show Janina, that Dementia may be just the final result of our choice to escape and check out. So if this is our ‘normal’ what does it say about how we all are choosing to live everyday when we are younger? Have we settled for a lesser state, no matter our age? Do we need to wait till we hit a later stage before we realise and change what we are doing? It’s never too late to make a blank slate instead of an absent mind and awareness.
The epidemic of dementia is one that is very difficult to cope with for both the person affected and their families. The early stages are confronting, knowing you have an illness that means you will lose more and more of your memories, and awareness every day is horrifying, almost like a really bad nightmare. Some with this illness become abusive to those they love and this is again something unexpected and a truly awful way to be ending your life.
Yes, from personal experience I can say that it can be quite traumatic watching someone that you love and care for gradually slip away while still standing right before you, and it can be difficult to imagine what this would feel like for the person with dementia – a gradual withdrawal from life. The cure for dementia is in prevention as once it is set in motion it does not seem to be able to be corrected in the same lifetime. Connection is the key, both with self and with others, being consciously present in all that we do and deeply committing to life and all that it unfolds unto us to learn how to return to the great love that we are.
I fear for what’s ahead of us given the amount of checking out children, sometimes from as young as 4 and 5, do with their screens. Dementia at age 20?
This is a great prompt to encourage us all to look at how we’re starting our own potential journey to dementia – way before it happens. Conscious presence is the name of the game; being with our bodies with everything we do.
Thank you Janina for sharing, I have worked with Dementia patients in nursing homes in the past and it is indeed a wake up call when we see that state of their lives, just barley existing,with no life at all. I feel for myself that had I not come across Universal medicine and changed my life as I have I too would probably have ended up with Dementia.
The true value of connecting to people valuing ourselves and staying present can be seen here clearly with the epidemic we have with dementia in the world and the simple little things we can do ourselves to bring about a change and inspire others also . A great blog and understanding “Dementia is not only a side effect of people getting old, it is a clear reflection of a society which is choosing to check out and distract as a normal way of being. And then, after doing that for years, they are ending up not wanting to feel how disconnected they have lived and finally want to escape from life completely.”
I love what you have presented here Janina, thank you for initiating the conversation as to what is really going on with our Elderly people and Dementia; lets keep the conversation rolling;
“Dementia is not only a side effect of people getting old, it is a clear reflection of a society which is choosing to check out and distract as a normal way of being.”
I recently saw someone who has been diagnosed with Dementia, and I was also shocked by the lack of spark in his eyes. I have known him for many years, and it was like looking at a different person. It showed me how much we can see of who a person is through their eyes.
This is an amazing blog showing the normality and desire to check out from life and what we are doing and to not feel where we are and what is really going on.The rapidly increasing dementia and the happening earlier and earlier in life is simply not okay and the changes we need to make with our own choices to be present and aware and feel is a real start in conscious presence and the lessening of the dementia uptake where humanity is currently heading with..
Janina, reading your article inspires me to choose to be present in my body and to not check out, ‘So now I present my whole self to that elderly lady with dementia, making sure I stay mentally present, not allowing myself to react but connecting in a loving way with her’. This article shows how damaging it is to numb ourselves and avoid feeling and the consequences for this, this is a much needed article with the rising rates of dementia.
This article is much needed! As you say…”There is no coincidence in the way dementia is on the rise if we truly consider the way many people live their lives.’ We haven’t yet made the connection to checking out like day dreaming or our minds being elsewhere whilst carrying out tasks, or even watching the TV and playing computer games. All of this must have a detrimental effect on our minds and bodies, yet we consider all this as normal. I agree, ‘We need to really start to ponder on what is going on here, and to start the discussion…. what has led us to this epidemic?’
I love what you share here Janina. I have come in contact lately with some people with dementia and I found it shocking to see how the people looked like they were not there anymore. I wondered what had gotten in to them. It makes sense that if we are checking out in our life this does have an effect when we grow older and this is what we call dementia.
Thank you, Janine, for sharing on such an important topic, what I have found that checking out is not only escaping in my head for long periods of time with obvious distractions but it is the in-between moments where I am looking for reward or relief during my day. Definitely, connection with my body is the key at the moment I feel rush I know I have checkout and need to bring myself back.
I felt to re read your blog today as I am now working in a nursing home and knew I could get inspired by your writing and sure it did, once more it made me aware of my own checking out moments during the day. Checking out as in finding relief, reward etc. does not come from our soul but is always a getaway and a holding back from our purpose in life.
It is baffling to me why we don’t associate our lifestyle choices with the rise in dementia. I worry sometimes about my own attachment to technology, knowing that it is not always a responsible use of it and how it does affects my ability to concentrate on my surroundings and be clear in seeing my multiple-dimensional world. Surely it is clear to see that checking out, losing ourselves in a screen, not being able to be fully aware of what is happening is a mirror being held up to the increasing dementia rates. We stop being able to be engaged in life in both situations, technology and through this disease. That certainly is my strong feeling.
I realised after reading your blog Janina, how we choose to live today affects how we feel tomorrow. This applies to our whole life really, and if we choose to live disconnected, checked out and numbing our body, then it is no coincident that we are essentially carving ourselves a way further down the path of being even more ‘checked out’ and disconnected, hence a higher risk of developing dementia. I strongly feel dementia is a result of our past choices and it is no wonder that it is difficult to find explanations as to why we have this illness, especially if we are not willing to look at our lifestyle choices and what is really going on in our society and in our lives.
I absolutely agree Janina – we shouldn’t treat dementia as a ‘side effect’ of growing older because this is very disempowering and untrue; how we choose to live does affect our physical and mental wellbeing and this isn’t a ‘curse’ but can actually be a very positive thing if we look after ourselves.
Janina this is such an important topic to talk about as I’m sure most of us can put our hand up and admit that there are certainly times in our day where we check out and allow our minds and whatever energies are running us to numb us and take us away from our natural rhythm.
Checking out and being distracted is indeed a ‘normal’ way of living for most of us. Since becoming aware that existing like this causes various forms of dementia I have endeavoured to be present and just be me, no matter what the situation. Thank you Janina for bringing awareness to this important topic.
It really is extraordinary how we can go on ignoring such a disturbing trend… surely this is so dysfunctional that we must stop and re-assess our whole societal structure … but do we? No , not yet, it seems that things will have to get more dire before we stop.
Beautiful Janina, thank you so much for speaking out on this!
Dementia is a very hard, sensitive subject to tackle; and one that isn’t generally regarded as a topic for conversation. You’re right: it should be!
My mother had Parkinson’s Disease and dementia routinely followed. By this time my father had become embedded in his own checking-out scenarios that she would often sit alone in the house for 3-4 hours before he got up; and then she would be sat watching television programmes that she did not want to watch. When I visited, my father would refuse to turn off the television set, but I noticed how happy my mother was to have company, someone to talk to. It was wonderful to see her face light up as she engaged in chatter, but as time progressed she would fall asleep and sometimes when we were speaking on the phone it would slip down onto the floor… Later when I visited her she wouldn’t recognise me; and my father would be angry with her realising that he was more or less ‘on his own’.
I would take my father to visit my mother in hospital after she had fallen quite badly and whilst we would talk to her and encourage comment, we noticed that other visitors would sit quietly at the various bed-sides in the wards and read newspapers or magazines: there was no communication between them.
What value do we put on life? I remember Serge telling me once how he never joked about life; that life IS serious. And it is! We should all place a much higher value on our own lives and everyone else’s. Our bodies are the expressions of how we live our lives; so if we value our bodies, we must value our lives; and this means everything that we do, or think, and our intentions behind our thoughts or actions; need to be meaningful and contribute to all of our lives so that we may all improve and evolve.
It does make a lot of sense that I life lived constantly checked out, or escaping from life would lead to dementia. It feels like the perfect set up really. It’s like ‘ ok, you want to exit this life, not be aware of yourself and others, stay disconnected from the all, no worries, here you go, forget everything’.
As students who have chosen to make sense of our lives; learning to take responsibility and to bring awareness to all that we choose to do, whilst learning to treat everyone equally, I feel that we should also remember that some years ago, we too were all employing various methods of checking out, ranging from obsessing over particular sporting teams; routinely knocking back alcohol or coffee; eating copious amounts of ice cream, chocolate, cream cakes, pizzas; doing drugs; or wantonly disregarding our own bodies and personal safety for even just the slightest show of [meaningless] affection/attention, to day-dreaming, or even settling down at night and deliberately composing life scenarios about which one would like to dream in order to escape the worries and anxieties of the day.
We too couldn’t handle our own lives: we shied away from responsibility; we drowned our sorrows whilst some of us played the victim and others played the aggressor, openly displaying their angers and frustrations about an unfair world. Is it not up to us to bring our understanding to those suffering with, or through family members, with dementia? Should we not meet that responsibility? Dementia is, after all, just another symptom of finding life miserable and unbearable.
“When I allow myself to feel all, I give myself permission to also feel the love and joy that I am and that is all around me”….yes we cannot block one thing (i.e. something we don’t want to feel), we block the all which can include things we really crave (love and joy).
Yesterday I was in a home with people with severe dementia and I really appreciated how hard the staff worked. Many of the residents had challenging behaviour and were quite abusive physically and mentally. I am sure none of us want to end up living like this and if we don’t want to get dementia we need to start today to live more present more honestly and deal with the many distractions that we can call upon to numb us to what is really going on.
This is an awesome reflection of your willingness to see the ways that you check out and to commit to getting to know more of yourself however confronting. It is so true that it is not the activity that we undertake e.g. surfing the internet but the quality that we choose to do this in that is key. I am becoming more aware of how this can change for me depending on what I have observed around me that I am then choosing not to feel. Thank you for sharing Janina – this has supported me to look at what I am resisting becoming aware of in my recent choices to numb myself with food.
“When I allow myself to feel all, I give myself permission to also feel the love and joy that I am and that is all around me” This is a beautiful example, once we take our blinkers off, which are the conditions, pictures and ideals that we have previously chosen to see/feel life through, then we can experience the love and joy also that we had before been choosing to keep out.
A very interesting blog! I have be learning so much about dementia, and how it is so commonly thought of as just a degeneration of memory when in actual fact it is a whole body degeneration
I feel it’s time we took a broader view of lifestyle choices and how they relate to dementia, especially as it’s an increasing problem. Understanding how the body and its physiology is when dementia is present is important, but did it just happen or did it take many years and result from many choices? This is the big picture view I feel we need to explore further.
This is an important point Melinda. Yet considering the impact on our health of our choices and our way of living is not something many are willing to look at. If they did perhaps they would find that as a society we are far sicker than we think we are, and the real sickness is our relationship with life itself.
Currently we have no awareness that checking out has any long term consequences or whether there are different types of checking out. Such longitudinal studies would also take decades but if checking out has an influence on dementia we are very much the poorer off for not knowing this.
I make a point of not checking my phone or otherwise engaging with digital devices when I am working with children and young people; everybody around them and they themselves regularly check out on a screen of some description. I love giving myself that very conscious break, knowing that the relationships I thus develop are far more important than anything digital and that I am not there to be otherwise engaged or checked out. My job is to bring my full attention to what I am doing.
Having seen the reality from working in aged care homes, I can see the beginnings of Dementia happening in people who are much younger and still live so called ‘normal lives’, dementia doesn’t happen when we are older, it is formed from a momentum of living which has taken over and overshadows us.
Absolutely Harrison. The onset of Dementia starts a long time before its actual diagnosis with ways that we use to dsitract ourselves and consequently check out from our connection to ourselves. By bringing our full presence to everything that we do in every moment of every day, we have the potential to prevent this condition from being such a debilitating end stage to our lives.
Everyone is so hungry for connection… And not just with other people, the deepest hunger is for the connection with ourselves
When we let our mind wonder away from what ever we are doing in that moment then that is one step towards dementia. I imagine the level of responsibility we would live with knowing this.
Most of us live with our minds constantly roaming away from our bodies, we are quite literally never with ourselves. For most of us our day starts with our minds switching on like a circuit board and then for the rest of the day we’re focused on getting through the day by doing as much as we can or for some of us as little as we can but whichever one we choose we have to be checked out to accomplish both.
It is sad to see us throw people on the scrape heap like this. I am guessing most aged care facilities may have a similar story and I have seen they are a growing business. Like any business it needs to have it’s foundation in people first otherwise it’s just a business and not truly here to support the people or community it serves. What’s the answer? People standing up in their own way and taking a true stand. Not necessarily in anyones face but more a personal stand like this article leads. If you see something that needs to change, make the change yourself and then live that change everywhere so we all get the same reminder or same awareness. It’s great to see people with awareness bringing places or businesses like these alive so we continue to make in roads into truly caring for each other. From the statistics it is already beyond urgent.
The long term consequences of going places in the mind, such as the future or past, and not being present with the body, are having more of an effect on us that we may realise.
As we continue to spend millions of pounds in research and more and more people with dementia are diagnosed we have to start asking what is truly going on and blogs like this are fantastic as they open us up to the reality of what is truly going on.
Kids as young as nursery age use phones, tablets and computer screens, this is a working and what would be called normal – in the sense it’s only normal because lots of people are doing it. So if we have kids checking out at a younger and younger age, getting bored of reality because it doesn’t excite or stimulate them as much as an online high definition computer game – ( this is true and what primary kids share – many get bored, you see them with a black stare and they share they would rather be at home playing their computer games) – then the question to ask is – are we going to see dementia at a younger and younger age? My feeling is yes.
“I started to ponder more deeply on my own ways of checking out, of going off into my head, letting my mind go anywhere, doing things without being totally present.” We think dementia is an illness of the elderly but as you show Janina we all have a form of it regardless of age, when we start to check out from life, not be present or let our thoughts wander all over the place. I looked at a picture of me prior to me coming to Universal Medicine and there was no sparkle in my eyes and my face looked withdrawn yet I thought I was doing quite well in life.
Society has a lack of presence issue! When we are not present with ourselves and what is going on around us we are inviting another energy in.
And we are completely unaware of any consequences, not even among children as very checked out children can have good results in school.
I observed a group of school children on stage recently. I looked at their eyes. It was a shock to see that many of these young children had lost the sparkle in their eyes. At what age do we begin checking out? Do we waiver in and out of checking out for much of life until we loose the choice as to when we will be in or out?
The disease of dementia is an incredibly difficult one to face not only for the person who knows they have it and will now lose their functioning memory, but also for their family who need to find a way to care for someone who is in many ways no longer there. The world is surprisingly resigned to the illness, and seems not to realise that there is another way. A way of being engaged in life in every way.
The centre I work for regularly takes Kinder and pre-kinder children over to the Aged care facility across the road from us to visit the elderly and they also come to our centre once a month.
The ones that come mainly have dementia or Alzeimers Disease. All staff are able to have a trip over to the facility so I decided to go one day.
I met this gorgeous lady who just lit up inside when I turned around and looked at her. I went over to her and she put her hands out to grab mine. She had a visitor with her which she told me was her husband but it was her son. Some of them were quite interested and happy to have the children there but others, were quite withdrawn and not engaged at all, preferring to just sit and stare, looking quite given up and empty. I reflected on stages of my life when I felt down and disengaged from life also, and can see it was my life choices of separation and feeling like a victim that had led me to that point. We need to see behind Dementia and what it is really telling us we are choosing in life and not focus on it being a Disease that you are just unfortunate to get, but take responsibility for our lifestyle choices.
In England you can become a dementia friendly cafe or dementia friendly town if you meet certain criteria, though again this is not getting to the root cause. Unless we look deeper and be prepared to take responsibility for the way we live, everything that is offered is a sticky plaster.
Those dementia statistics are concerning, especially for a health system that is already groaning under the burden of an obesity and diabetes epidemic.
Great questions Janina, very needed. Right now we just go about lives and then suddenly something happens that stops us in our tracks but it shouldn’t have to be that way. We do all sorts of things and do not reflect much on how it actually affects our body. I’ve had the same experience when I go to the gym. There’s music playing around the clock (it’s one of those 24/7 open gyms) and tv screens displaying different programs all there to make us focus on something else rather than what we are currently doing. Our body gives us the room to have this choice to be present or not but it has to be honest to itself and show what that presence or lack of presence is doing to the body.
Anytime we are not fully present in an activity or notice all the details that require to be noticed we are checked out. Therefore is rushing a form of checking out?…
Dementia is like this pervasive hidden plague that is affecting , in some way, so many peoples lives, and yet life just seems to go on oblivious… what a reflection this is.
If dementia is in any way connected to us checking out in various ways when we are younger, then dementia is quite scary, much more scary than if it was just fate and you could not predict who would get it and who wouldn’t. On the other hand…. if the above is the case then it is great not having to worry about dementia if you live a full and engaged life.
Thank you Janina for bringing awareness to this epidemic in Dementia that seems world wide. I am with you on the need to look more deeply into why we want to opt out of life in out in our last years. I sometimes notice myself drifting into little stories in my head or not focusing on what I am doing and it is quite scary!
What if “checking out, of going off into my head, letting my mind go anywhere, doing things without being totally present’ affected the possibility of getting dementia? I know people who have exercised and ate well – but certainly weren’t in their body and who checked out a lot – who get more forgetful and have then proceeded on to dementia. Note to self – to stay with me and in my body as much as possible – making it a commitment to do so.
I consider times where I am not engaged with people and feel flat how quickly that can change when I connect and make eye contact with another. This could be a complete stranger and it could only be for a few seconds, but it can instantly change the sensations I feel, the awareness of what is going on around me. With dementia it feels like this is a case of disengaging from such experiences, withdrawing into a bubble of self, and not having the capability to come back. So it could affect any of us and the answer lies in committing to be with people and build a constant awareness of the world we live in, near and far, personal and distant.
Dementia is the end result of a life lived without commitment to life itself.
This growing problem of dementia is something that should concern us all. It has implications if we have to become the carers of our older relatives; ourselves if we end up with the condition, and our children who may end up caring for us. I recently attended a talk on dementia and the doctor claimed the disease starts decades before the symptoms present themselves.
I am realising in my late 50’s just how much I check out. It is extraordinary how much my mind wanders and now I am more aware of it, I am calling it out when I choose this. It is truly supportive to care for myself in this way and to focus on what is needed to deepen the quality of presence in my life.
Experiencing the slow process of dementia in a family member right now is a strange thing and brings up some questions on what we consider as normal, personality, awareness, free will, choice, consciousness, and much more. Considering the possibility that it is choices that lead to behaviours and consequences and hence looking back at one´s life revisiting the kind of choices being made and the one´s that we are going to make allows for another perspective to assess the quality we live in. Do I live a life that will raise my awareness every day until my last day or a life that reduces my awareness piece by piece? My choice.
We need more articles like this one about people’s lived experience of working with those with dementia as they provide a very valuable insight into how and why we now have a huge rise in dementia world wide. More and more people are using all sorts of distractions to get through the day simply because they do not feel settled and at ease in their own bodies. The answer lies in us all taking responsibility for our hurts.
That is very interesting Elizabeth, very interesting in fact as checking out is not being committed to life in any way! And I checked out while reading this article !!!!
I actually really are concerned not only for our generation but the generation that is currently being raised on technology and not connection. It will be an epidemic of proportions we have never seen before.
Even if we don’t check out with TV, Drugs or alcohol, there are still our thoughts. As soon as we are thinking of something other than what we are doing in that moment, we are not present with our bodies.
This is a very pointed marker Janina – “My Own Ways of Checking Out” – something to deeply ponder upon for all of us and start to catch ourselves in the moment…
Checking out can come in so many forms, whether its through entertainment, distraction, drugs, even buying into drama is a way to not feel and be aware of what is being called to us to pay attention. and so it requires an enormous amount of honesty to really understand the many ways we deliberately sell ourselves short of the truth. but the truth is always there and will continue to be so until we once more allow it to be realised.
Thank you Janina Koch for sharing on a topic that has become of great concern in recent years with the escalating rates of cases in Dementia. My experience has been similar in living in a neighbourhood of young retirees who have now become part of the statistics pool.
“Dementia is not only a side effect of people getting old, it is a clear reflection of a society which is choosing to check out and distract as a normal way of being” So well said Janina society has a million billion forms of distraction and in choosing any of them we ultimately suffer.
How lovely to be present with people who, for one reason or another , have decided to check out. How inspiring and healing to be with someone who is living the truth that we are greater than any of the hurts in the world, any of the disillusionment or ill at ease. Makes me consider the quality I live my life in.
What I am learning with the elderly lady who I look after is that not to go into sympathy or reaction but understanding that it is her choice to check out deeper and deeper and to hold her with love.
Thank you Janina, your words describe how we can be in all relationships, allowing everyone to be where they are and responsible for the choices they make whilst we take responsibility for ours. Holding or beholding another in love offers them something truly healing whilst they find their way through life and explore their choices. What I find very supportive is instead of reacting or judging, is allowing myself to be open to understanding another person. We all deeply respond to being understood or to those at least willing to understand. Very inspiring, thank you for sharing.
The moment we choose to feel our bodies and be present this has a huge effect on other people and can invite others to reconnect to their own bodies too.
The antidote to checking out is being present, or perhaps ‘checking in’. By checking in with ourselves on a regular basis, we’re actually building an awareness of where we are at that time. It’s amazing how many times we can click into autopilot mode and complete tasks without even realising we’ve done them. Like having a shower without realising I’ve soaped or shampooed or arriving to a destination without even noticing how I drove there. Checking in is a simple exercise that can bring us back to the present – and the more we do it, the more we recognise when we are checked out.
Janina your blog has bought much awareness to ‘dementia’ and how rapidly this disease is rising and affecting younger people more each year. I am noticing the times when I check out throughout the day and it can be quite astounding how often I can go into auto-pilot and switch off. Every choice we are making on a daily basis is contributing to the rise of this condition, I can feel the importance of me taking more responsibility to be more present and connected in my life and how this can remind and inspire others to also choose this way.
We need to awake as a society what is going on! Sometimes when I am walking in the street I see and read peoples bodies, especially young men I have observed recently how stiff and disconnected their bodies are. And this has reminded me of the bodies I see in the dementia homes.
“Something is going horribly wrong here. There is no coincidence in the way dementia is on the rise if we truly consider the way many people live their lives.” When I was young I don’t remember dementia being the problem it is today. We live such sedentary lives now with so many more opportunities to check out from life through entertainment and its various forms. There needs to be more awareness around dementia that it is not just something that happens when we grow old, but that it is how we live our lives on a daily basis that contributes to dementia, and that it starts much earlier in life than when the symptoms first appear. Maybe we would start to bring more awareness to how present we are with everything we do.
It is kinda scary to watch someone develop dementia, not least because it brings up fears of one’s own future health state of being. And there are a lot of great people in the wold today working very hard to raise awareness about and around dementia. This is important, because it affects us all as we live and grow old together.
I agree Janina there is a different way, a way that supports us to be more responsible, be willing to stay present, connected and responsive. What I see in our society is a growing trend to ‘check out’, numb ourselves with entertainment, food, sports, work etc. to avoid feeling what is truly going on in life and who we are. I definitely feel this has a direct link to dementia and if we continue down this path our rate of dementia will affect people at a much younger age and the rate of dementia will massively increase, as I am seeing a generation of young people who are mostly addicted to ‘checking out’ on their computer, TV or ipad screens from as young as 1-2 years of age.
It really takes a conscious choice and presence to be present with what is. There are so many moments in the day where I can choose to check out or distract but really it is all a delay as everything we have not dealt with is always waiting for us.
I feel it’s important to be aware of the situations where we are likely to check out or not want to feel. I have been watching this in a person over the last few years and have found that the checking out occurs when they don’t feel equipped to express themselves or want to deal with another person’s emotions. I imagine we all have slightly different triggers but overall it seems to come down to not wanting to feel, stay aware or take responsibility.
Agree Fiona, it is as simple as not wanting to be present to feel what is transpiring for an individual.
It is time to stand tall and gather a greater understanding and appropriate support from others to deal with these inhibitions.
It is true that it is sobering to be around people with dementia in nursing homes, as you can see the same ability for checking out in yourself. Being present feels so natural, grounded and solid and yet we can drift off into thoughts, losing awareness of our body and the current moment very easily. There is part of us that doesn’t want to be aware and so we have to constantly choose to be with ourselves, in our bodies.
Dementia is a really scary topic for most of us, loosing our “mind” so to speak and the results that occur. Yet what you share so beautifully is that Dementia is something that starts much earlier, through our choices and tendency to “check out” of life. It makes sense and it is really empowering to see that we can change getting dementia or not. Yet most of society is choosing to life in a way that leads to this at the moment, I was one of these people.
Janina, what stands out here is the quality in which we do things. If there is no quality – there is no presence. You make a great point here in asking ourselves – what quality do we walk talk, think, go online ect. Are we all there when we do things. Dementia certainly is memory loss but what we don’t appreciate is that this can start from a very young age by how we chose to live.
“it was the quality I chose to do these activities in: my intention was often driven by not wanting to feel and deal with what was really going on for me and the people around me.” This grabbed me as I read it especially after the strong, powerful impact of the picture of all those people sitting around vacant in the nursing home with their lights out. It brought me to feel a mild tension and sadness I still hold around the things in my life I haven’t addressed and those things in those close to me I let affect me. The part of me that initiates checking out likes to build these things up to be huge mountains of burden, when if instead I simply look and feel them and stay with them, the truth reveals itself that the love that I am is way more powerful than the little issues held onto. That love also has its own way of working things out and all I need to do is remain present and connected and allow it to unfold.
Checking out is a huge problem and there are so many devices and computer games now that help you to do just that, and there are people who are finding ways to deepen those levels of checking out at an alarming rate. It reminds me of a film I saw years ago where there were rooms people could go to in order to be programmed into a more exciting life or become someone else in these make believe scenarios. Unfortunately we are nearly there now, suddenly this
sci-fi movie isn’t so far fetched anymore.
Just imagine if we, as a species, had to stay present and aware to be breathe, and if we checked out , we would simply die…. Hmmm I don’t think we would still be around …. But the cetaceans would be …. Interesting!!!
I actually can’t even imagine how many people will be affected by this in 20/30 years as we are so very much checked out as a normal way of living now. It really is a major catastrophe that we are just going straight for with no detour. A real humanitarian crisis.
I agree Janina we need to bring a lot more awareness and education around dementia, it is a disease that is massively on the rise with much of humanity not wanting to know this nor take responsibility for our elderly. This is why there are so many demented people locked away in aged care facilities…out of sight out, of mind as the old saying goes.
It’s an interesting term to “check out”, in hotels etc when we check out we leave. To say someone is “checked out”, as in not present with themselves, is commonly used, so we do understand this state, yet we haven’t really connected the dots to how it might affect our health in the short or long term. Most of us don’t pay attention to checking out, as we see it as something we occasionally do, and many activities in life, like watching TV or day dreaming are very socially acceptable even though we may be quite checked out of our bodies by doing them. We also might see checking out as something quite extreme, like dementia, when dementia could in fact be the culmination of all the smaller instances of checking out we make daily. This is an important topic that definitely needs more discussion.
It is actually quite scary to feel how we can use many activities in order to not really be with ourselves – and to know that this is what can and does lead to dementia (which is such a growing ill condition in our society) is pretty confronting! However, it is not all doom and gloom as this also reveals to us that we all play an active role in preventing dementia and that we can empower ourselves, and take an active role in caring for ourselves and our wellbeing all through life. How we are now is all about how we will be later too.
It is such a great point worth repeating that when we ‘check out’ of life because we don’t want to feel something we don’t like about life, we also cut ourselves off from feeling all the joy and love that is present in every moment also.
Yes I have noticed this too Janina – the temptation is strong to just numb or distract myself from what I am really feeling, and to go for whatever form of ‘self-medication’ I am choosing at that time. I have realised recently that I use food a lot as a form of tranquilliser, so that if something has happened in the day that was uncomfortable or confronting or difficult or hurt then I over-eat or choose something to eat that will make me feel numb and take the ‘hurt’ away, except it does not really, it simply ‘takes me out’ a little which also means that I am not as connected to myself or to others around me.
Janina this article is very profound. It gets us to look at the patterns we start early on in our lives that can then end up as dementia. Its a slow shutting down that is quite scary to contemplate because I recognise it in myself. The great thing is I can see the difference that happens when I allow myself to feel everything rather than checking out and pretending I feel nothing. Feeling it all brings greater awareness and feeling it all also means you don’t shut off from feeling the love and joy that is all around and within.
Thank you so much for your thought provoking blog Janina. I am reminded of my own checking out and being distracted, thus taking me away from being truly present in every moment.
What a beautiful supportive and understanding presence you would be to elderly people, a real gift.
“Dementia is not only a side effect of people getting old, it is a clear reflection of a society which is choosing to check out and distract as a normal way of being.” It is easy to dismiss dementia as just a depressing and consequence of ageing, but not every older person has dementia so there has to be another reason. It is interesting that every time we pass through the supermarket tills we ‘check out’, perhaps this is a gentle reminder to stay present with ourselves in our everyday lives.
It is worth considering how much do we begin the process of dementia, starting with the subtle processes of withdrawing from life, checking out, off in flights of fantasy, daydreams but at the expense of being present in our bodies and fully engaged in the present moment. In normal societal terms we may be fully normal and astute or ‘with it’… but in actual fact how much of that time is spent not truly present.
Having lived with and cared for my mother with alzheimers for the last ten years of her life and with her before that I could see the tendency to not want to be here and her reluctance and lack of commit to life and the natural progression from there that occurred. Her lack of purpose and choosing to check out that she lived is something I have had to see for myself, my own way and not being in my body and have been working for the last 13 years on presence quality and a way of living more lovingly with true self care honouring and appreciating my self my life and everything around me and know this is the way to live and the true purpose of being part of humanity whom I love and am inspired by consistently.
“Dementia is not only a side effect of people getting old, it is a clear reflection of a society which is choosing to check out and distract as a normal way of being. And then, after doing that for years, they are ending up not wanting to feel how disconnected they have lived and finally want to escape from life completely.” This is so true and your article is brilliant in showing this and offering a way of supporting others for a future and a way of living that will help to make a change in the current trends of people society and how we are living .
Checking out is an interesting saying – I hadn’t really stopped to ask exactly what am I checking out from. How I am being on a day to day basis that means I need to zone out from everything. I am learning to restructure my life and choose activities and make lifestyle choices that support me to be checkin into my life all the time not just occasionally. It has meant doing an overhaul of everything. The process has been gradual and has unfolded each time I make a choice to check in I have the opportunity to feel a little more and the next lot of changes are there waiting not always easy and sometimes it takes a while as a let them go, but body keeps saying yes.
‘I can see and feel that I am not empty but that I am full of life and vitality; this gives me a constant reminder to choose to stay present.’ Thank you Janina, I know this is true of me too and yet I still find myself checking out and finding myself being distracted. I had a dream the other morning/night that seemed like a warning that dementia was just around the corner and I was walking towards it. This made me sit up so to speak, as has your blog, and reminds me that the choice of my path is up to me and that dementia and old age do not have to go hand in hand.
The statistics around dementia are deeply disturbing and paint a stark picture of how many people end up living, a far cry from what is possible in our elder years. This is a discussion that is much needed and some of the points you have made make enormous sense as to the possible cause of this disease.
Staying present and in touch with what is going with our bodies is the number one prevention for dementia, to many of us in society are professionals in checking out whether it be with entertainment or with food or stimulants such as drugs and coffee. To bring down these alarming rates of dementia we need to be more present and less checked out.
Sometimes I get a shock at how much I check out. For example yesterday when I went for a walk, when I turned around to head home I made the choice to be with me. Then half way home I realised I had no idea how I had gotten to where I was. Obviously I knew I walked there but I had no recollection. To me the link between checking out and dementia is quite obvious and I can easily see how so many of us end up with dementia. We hold the responsibility and it is a choice.
Dementia and checking out seems to be becoming the new normal. The condition actually starts 20 to 30 years before the symptoms become obvious. I too used to check out and it may have appeared to provide short time relief but there was a heavy price to pay and that was not just in my getting overweight. Since I turned my life around thanks to Universal Medicine and started checking in, I have got lighter in every way and I can say it is certainly an awesome way to live and highly recommended!
I can only imagine how confronting it would be to see the result of a lifetime of disconnection all in one room. Amazing that you are choosing to do things differently not only to avoid being one of the many that will end up with dementia, but to enhance your quality of life right now.
While reading this article, I practiced being present with just the article. I found even that to be quite difficult as the list of things I needed to do kept flashing before me. Unable to let it go, I needed to stop reading, write it down and then come back to the article. This is ok of course, but what I notice is that I have a lack of trust that I will remember what I need to do once I’ve completed the task at hand, which at this time was simply reading the article.
Staying on constant alert and juggling a million balls in the air is a very good way of maintaining disconnection/checking out. Being present with just one thing at a time is a huge work in progress and something I am forever bringing my awareness to.
What if dementia was as simple as us choosing to check out through life? Then it makes it massively, super important to choose to be present in every moment of the day. I know we often have a lot of thoughts and we just think this is normal, but what if this wasn’t normal and it’s the start of the onset of dementia? Life would quickly change!
We could take any cross-section of society and discover that many, if not most are without that ‘sparkle in their eye’. We would see a plague of exhaustion, of disconnect and function in which a body of True vitality is the exception, the light that stands out a mile when curiously this is our true way of living – in connection with God, in harmony with the world around us and expressing the essence of who we in full.
Janina, you raise a very important great questions here, ‘We need to really start to ponder on what is going on here, and to start the discussion…. what has led us to this epidemic?’ I can feel how more and more in society we are wanting to check out – with entertainment; alcohol; smoking; overeating; drugs and the list goes on, all to avoid feeling what is truly on and yet the link has not been made publicly between this checking out and dementia, what you are sharing makes complete sense and is it is very necessary discussion.
Thank you Janina for showing us what is going on and asking us to truly feel and step up to what is going on. Personally I can feel how I have let people down by actually not enganging with them and not let them get away with checking out which actually is a great support if we would do that with eachother – to have less comfort and actually stand for love and truth, which feels way more real (maybe at times less familiar) but sure worth it, as we all can see how absolutely horrible dementia is and how far we all have let it come to create such illness and dis-ease.
Only the other day I opened the door of the fridge to reach out for something to eat when I stopped myself. I could feel that I didn’t want the food but I was using it to check out, to numb myself from feeling the empty feeling inside. There are so many different ways we can use to check out and it is our responsibility to be aware and catch ourselves when we do.
Thanks Janina, understanding the link between the myriad of seemingly innocent ways we ‘check out’ in day to day life, and dementia in older age is such an important thing. Being and remaining fully engaged with life is essential it would seem if we are to remain lucid and evolving to the very end. I can certainly feel how detrimental and undesirable ending one’s life as a sort of zombie is… so everything you say makes perfect sense.
Dementia is becoming increasingly common, its an epidemic that tells us something isn’t right with how we are living. Animals don’t end up with dementia, its human condition, it shows us something and is very painful to witness occurring in other people.
This is such an important topic for today’s society as we are missing the link with why this disease is occurring. Janina what you share and reflect on makes simple sense, ‘Dementia is not only a side effect of people getting old, it is a clear reflection of a society which is choosing to check out and distract as a normal way of being.’ As we become more reliant on computers, computer games, films and TV as a resource to escape to, as well as day dreaming and escaping to our heads for comfort it makes sense that this over time will have an impact on our health and wellbeing. Dementia is the result. One and one definitely make 2 here.
Wow, I am still sitting with that figure Mary that I in 3 people over the age of 65 will have dementia, and two thirds of that figure will be women……. definitely not to be brushed aside, and does bring home the fact that how we live now and how we treat our bodies has consequences, and also how crucially important it is to deal with our hurts – hurts that fester in our bodies that actually control all our movements and perceptions.
When I think of dementia I think of pensioners over 65 who get dementia, but this is not the case, more and more men and women of varying ages are being diagnosed with dementia. This blog is for us all to stop and reflect on the increasing rise of dementia in our society today and not to ignore it because it does not affect you on this moment…..
Thank you for bringing it back to people for us Mary, it is easy to skip over the statistics and treat them as numbers but as you point out, these are people in our lives which we see every day. Could it be that ignoring the people factor is the checking out that actually leads to dementia?
I used to believe that dementia was age related and it was like an unlucky thing that happens to someone when the get to a certain age. To be honest I wasn’t sure how we developed dementia. Well, I now understand luck has nothing to do with it but has everything to do with the way we have chosen to live, our choice to ‘check out’ and not want to feel what is going on in our lives. I feel this has a huge influence on our health development. My understand also is that the medical professions do not fully know or understand why we develop dementia towards our later years of life, there has been links to accumulated heavy metals in our body but I strongly feel that there is more to it than that and what we can physically see. I feel our increase in our ‘checking out’ state in society has a correlation to increase in dementia. So, I agree with you Janina, that it is our choices in our everyday life that contributes to our physical and mental health. Are we choosing to live in conscious present, connected to ourselves or are we choosing to be in a ‘checked out’ and numbing state?
‘ Dementia is not only a side effect of people getting old, it is a clear reflection of a society which is choosing to check out and distract as a normal way of being. And then, after doing that for years, they are ending up not wanting to feel how disconnected they have lived and finally want to escape from life completely’. The truth here just hits you in the face especially if I consider just how much I lived checked out in the past and had I not changed I too for sure would have ended up with Dementia. Thankyou Janina for investigating and sharing this blog with us all.
Janina, great article, there is much to ponder on here, I can feel how checking out is so common that we as a society seemed to have accepted it but without making the link between checking out and dementia, we often check out with foods, T.V, going off into our heads – thinking of other things and not being present, all of this is seen as the ‘normal’, when it is in fact not our natural way to live checked out like this.
“I have not been taking responsibility for how I live and I have not been wanting to feel what I was feeling.” I think Janina you speak here for most of the population, we live in a culture that encourages distraction and avoidance of what is really going on.
So very important to be starting this conversation Janina as most people only see dementia as a disease you are just unlucky enough to get with no responsibility for your part in getting it. i know for myself that there is potential to get this if I don’t choose to connect to and listen to my body as a family member had it and I watched this slow wasting away that could so easily have been turned around if there more open conversations like we are having here to bring another way into others awareness.
How bad do the stats needs to get before we start to really look at what is causing dementia? Janina, I love that you have taken the conversation back to those of us who do not have dementia to ask if we are setting ourselves up for dementia in the future by not allowing our bodies and our minds to be together when we do things (conscious presence). The more unsettled we are in our lives the less we want to be in our bodies which just goes to show how important it is to deal with our hurts.
A super point Elizabeth you make and worth a repeat: The more unsettled we are in our lives the less we want to be in our bodies which just goes to show how important it is to deal with our hurts.
In reading your article Janina it really struck me how important it is that the conversation on how dementia comes about is deepened and we start to look at ways to address the huge rise in the condition. It seems crazy that millions would be spent on researching the cause when Serge Benhayon has presented and given the world the answer many years ago. Of course this has not been taken up and accepted but hopefully one day it will be considered. However the idea that we check out from life and that our forgetfulness and lack of presence in a moment is a warning sign of dementia to come is perhaps just too stark in our faces for many to cope with at this stage. Far easier to look for a single thing to blame rather than address our lifestyle choices and particularly the way we engage with society and the integrity with which we live our lives.
This blog reminds me to present, to be in my body and to be accepting to what I am feeling around me. When we are not in our bodies we check out and checking out over time allows the mind to wonder aimlessly. The more present we are with our bodies and with our movements the less likely we are to develop any type of dementia.
what would happen if everyone in the world kept a diary of how much they actually did check out …. How revealing this would be.
.Janina re reading your sharing is a reminder to really live life and be fully present and appreciative of this lifetime. Every moment is valuable and precious. Thank you.
Such an awesome article Janina with many important points you raise that are worth considering. Thank you for starting this much needed conversation as the more awareness we bring to this subject hopefully we can begin to make some true changes in our own lives and become more responsible and notice when we are checking out or not being present with ourselves.
“We have to be responsible for all the moments in our life and not just the ones we like.” Thank you Elizabeth for sharing this it is really important that we live in a way where stay no matter what happens around us with a greater understanding for another and that everything is about energy.
“Dementia is not only a side effect of people getting old, it is a clear reflection of a society which is choosing to check out and distract as a normal way of being. And then, after doing that for years, they are ending up not wanting to feel how disconnected they have lived and finally want to escape from life completely.” This truth needs to be studied and researched. We all have moments when we go off into our heads and forget about our bodies but over time this has huge consequences. We have to be responsible for all the moments in our life and not just the ones we like.
It makes me wonder also the effects of the constant screen time that we are engaging in, from a very young age, in computer games, movies etc. If we get into the habit of constant checking out into entertainment, the less we are with ourselves, the less we will be able to cope with the outside world.. the more we will want to escape – and so the vicious cycle deepens. How will we as a society deal with the rising dementia rates in the future?
I totally agree, it does look like we are checking out and not wanting to see what there is to be seen. Honestly I can see what with the way man treats man/animals/the planet why you wouldn’t want to engage too much. Yet checking out is not the answer. Being engaged, standing up and saying not in my name or it is not ok will make a difference to the area, country and world and it will make a difference to both our mental and physical well-being.
We have yet to fully accept the massive issue that dementia is today and how this disease will continue to grow until we look at the way we have been living and seek to change current patterns. Society is suffering from checking out and time has indeed told us that we can not live the way we are living if we do not want to see the current rates of dementia.
I agree, we do need to start the conversation about what is going on with dementia and why it has reached the levels that it has. We cannot continue to deny that we have a serious problem on our hands.
Indeed Janina it is a frightening epidemic, all forms of dementia are out of control and growing; clearly reflecting the sum of our choices.
You have shown that there is another way and that we can reverse this worrying trend.
Reading your blog is a great reminder to me to be present and totally honest with myself, thank you.
It is a harsh reality to see the quality of the lives that our elderly live. It is a reflection of where we as a society are at.
It does not feel a natural way to spend our elderly years in great illness and lack of vitality, as I have seen in recent years by the elderly around me- there is another way.
Thank you Janina you have brought to our attention a very interesting connection between checking out and dementia, definitely worth considering the implications as people today have the usual methods of checking out added to by the many distractions technology has created…..it will be interesting to see the rates of dementia into the not so distant future.
Very true Janina we do need to ask more questions about what has led to this epidemic of dementia. All the research is done in looking for a way to cure dementia without looking at what is causing it in the first place. Research is now showing that it is not something that just happens over night but is a build up over many years. I feel so many people are building a life so that they can retire early but what are they really retiring from, work or from life in general.
We need to understand that dementia is a life style disease, if we are not present during our day and check out in our many differing forms then we are setting ourselves up for dementia later on. Therefore it is imperative to work on our hurts and the reasons why we don’t want to be present.
The choice to be present is ours although it is something I still have to be constantly aware every time my mind drifts off to bring myself back to myself.
This is a salutary and revealing reflection that we do not need dementia to be checked-out but in fact we all can and do so in many different ways. As you rightly say, Janina, to discuss the causes behind dementia as you suggest is a conversation that needs to be had as widely and loudly as possible.
Janina your wrote in your awesome honest blog: “An activity like surfing the internet itself is neutral, but it was the quality I chose to do these activities in: my intention was often driven by not wanting to feel and deal with what was really going on for me and the people around me.” It is the QUALITY we chose to do things what made me stopp as I could feel that most of us are not aware of this small but important way to do everything we do. Thank you for bringing the focus on it as I could feel that this is very needed otherwise we keep on checking out without being aware of it.
I have observed how children are checking out with computer games, and TV from a really early age, and it will be interesting to see how this will effect them on a long term basis, and if they manage to break the habit.
Hi Janina, after reading your blog again today I realised how I have just accepted dementia as something that just happens when you get older, similar to accepting bad behaviour because the child is going through terrible two’s or is a teenager. I realise how much I have just accepted rather than stopped and asked, what is the cause here. Why just blow it off as in this is what happens, and that there is no way to avoid it.
It is very interesting when we see how many people check out in life to not feel and then how many end up with dementia. A very interesting link there.
And to truly start caring about our elderly, and so when they are put in nursing homes, to truly look at how they go, make sure we look after them by caring for them, asking also ourselves why this epidemic indeed is going on.. AND how it has led to this way. We can continue to ignore and check out on this fact, that dementia is on the rise, but great chance that if we don’t act on it , we will end up in the same way. So there is absolute purpose in discovering what is really going on in many ways. So let’s face it – if we are more checking out then it – which is a huge and huge ill-ness and so it will come out as a disease as shown.
I agree Janina, we need to bring a lot more understanding and awareness around dementia. We need to educate humanity much earlier and warn those who are depressed and starting to disengage from life and using distractions to avoid responsibility where this may lead to and why. Dementia just does not happen overnight it is the consequence of our many choices over many years. I know if I had not changed the way I was living I probably would have ended up with dementia. I was checking out of life more and more and had no interest in taking responsibility for this and blamed the world for my miserable life and, at the time, had no idea of the consequences of my choices.
It is becoming a choice to check out of life at a much earlier age, because we find life so stressful to cope with, and are getting through life living on nervous energy, and anxiety. It is very beautiful when we can reflect a completely different way to be.
It is eye opening when we get an opportunity to see the way our elderly are handled in their old age – they are placed at the fringes of society and often spend their last years bed ridden or in a chair with little human interaction and kept alive on drugs – it is not a pretty sight, nor is it the future any of us imagine ourselves having. Is it possible that our societies fixation with youth is damaging the elderly as they feel they have no place in society past a certain age?
The question that comes to me after reading this blog is, what is it about life that we do not want to be a part of? This probably is different for each person, but the vast majority of people have worked out ways to avoid feeling parts of life that they don’t feel comfortable with. But life is to be lived, it is what we are here to do: live! Yes, it hurts sometimes, and yes it can be beautiful sometimes, but it is a forever changing tapestry of experience which presents us in every moment with who we are.
Maybe that is it? Could it be that we are not happy with who we are, and so we are avoiding just being with ourselves? Eventually going so far as to completely abandon our body and vacate our mind? Worth pondering upon.
Thank you Janina for making the possible connection between checking out and dementia, it has given me food for thought and an opportunity to ponder more deeply on why I choose to check out and not stay present.
“What has led us to this epidemic?” – this is a great question Janina, as the cases of dementia appear to be rising rapidly and are now not just confined to the elderly but also to those much younger. I have a feeling that most people who “check out” through TV, sport, food, alcohol etc do not actually know that they are setting up a pattern that will grow exponentially throughout their lives and, if not identified and stopped, will have them ending up in a home like this woman you write about, and my late father. It is definitely not the place I choose to end up in at the end of this life, so every day I remind myself to stay as present as possible in everything I do. I’m not perfect but definitely a work in progress that is getting easier the more I make the commitment.
Janina, great article, this is a much needed discussion about dementia.
Recent scientific research has suggested that dementia can start as early as early forties or earlier. This makes sense with the esoteric understanding of dementia, which is lack of connection to our whole being. We are not just a head on a stick. And when you think about it, is is in the early 40s where people become resigned to their life being as it is, and often disillusionment settles in and people become engrained in their ways. Such giving up is the beginning of the path to dementia. The cure, if you like, is to stay connected to yourself and life to the best of your ability, regardless of how difficult it may seem.
This blog really cements for me that we all have a choice in how we live – but there are always consequences and built up effects of how we are with ourselves and others. Also, we can do everything in our power to live a present and self-love-filled life and possibly enjoy the ageing process rather then dreading the inevitable.
Checking out from life is a dis-ease in itself and makes sense to me that consistently doing it could lead to further mental and physical illness. It’s interesting how we can use any aspect of life to check out with, like your example of surfing the net Janina – a very harmless activity but when used as distraction or escape from life and ourselves can become addictive and harmful. I’ve experienced this with internet shopping and other web sites where I am not even wanting to buy anything! The effects are definitely felt after with a haziness and lack of presence in my next moves.
A read that pricks our own conscience around the degree to which we each check out of life through the various channels on offer. A poignant reminder that we could just be setting ourselves up for dementia in later years by our actions right now.
What is leading people to dementia and – escaping from their connection with themselves and the world around them definitely has parallels to the way we live. As you present Janina ‘checking out’ in our choice of activities, distraction and numbing with food or drink. It makes sense that if we are in a pattern of escaping it will develop into something larger, a bigger, stronger type of behavior and habit . It would be true to say nearly all behaviors do accelerate over time. These increases happen gradually and because of the nature to check out we aren’t even aware it is happening. Like going from a glass of wine to a bottle over a few years. Surfing the net a few minutes a day or playing one game to finding out months, years later it is now hours per day and sending you broke financially and or at the expense of relationships. Having the occasional bet to be addicted and it is the same with everything else. So it makes such simple sense to ask the honest question where do we check out in our lives, how has this pattern developed over time and what is it I’m avoiding? This seems likes the choice to make now if we decide we don’t want to go all the way to the check out in the Age Care facilities, there is no turning back at that point, because the moment to choose has been missed.
Checking out seems to have become an encouraged past time and as you mention in your blog, there are many ways to it. I have started to ask myself if I am wanting to check out – what am I wanting to check out from or not feel in my life? Dealing with these issues, and hurt and pain are going to be essential if we are to effectively deal with dementia.
“Seeing an elderly person who is fully engaged and engaging with life, seeing the sparkle in their eyes is not a common thing these days… and somehow that has become acceptable and normal.“
This is true Jenny, as a society we have accepted as normal the state our elder generation is in-but, it is not! And where we have not found better ways than for elderly people to end up in an elderly people home – where nobody really wants to be. It is up to us to live in a way where we care well for ourselves also, when we old for example to live in a project with all generations where we can support another. But to be able to do this we need to commit to life and deal with our issues. To bury, to deny to look away is the path to dementia. And it can start much early before the actual diagnosis.
And on a more personal note I agree with you Janina about how easy and readily we can be checking out, thinking it’s perfectly fine. To spend seconds, minutes or even hours day-dreaming, watching a movie or tv without awareness of anything else around me, listening to music in the car and having no idea how I got from A to B etc. are all things that were once part of my normal day to day life. Today that checking out still occurs though in much more subtle ways. Seeing an elderly person who is fully engaged and engaging with life, seeing the sparkle in their eyes is not a common thing these days… and somehow that has become acceptable and normal.
I also have some direct experience with someone who has recently been diagnosed with severe dementia, something that appeared to have developed within quite a short space of time. The trigger appeared to be a situation that was very painful, re-triggering a long-past experience of a very similar nature. Our inabiity to deal with what is painful in life would appear to me to be part of this withdrawal… something I am certainly taking heed of in the choices I make through my younger years while I am still very able to deal with and sort the things that cause me pain in life.
The rising incidence of dementia is no surprise to me really once I understood it as a checking-out to life. This is great insight you’ve offered Janina for those who would like to look more closely at where this might apply in their own lives. Those examples you mentioned are such commonplace things, many of them championed as you say, being socially very acceptable. This is a serious consideration we need to be addressing in a much more significant way if the current rates and rise in the condition are going to be shifted.
Checking out is considered normal and is encouraged in many work places within our society with workers often been taught that when you feel overwhelmed or stressed just go to your happy place in your head. This is alarming when you look at the statistics on dementia.
Constantly going into the mind and away from our bodies is unfortunately happening more and more for most people. It’s seems the more we are checked out and vague, the more we rely on our minds to get us back. No wonder there are so many feeling a lack of self worth and self confidence, as the mind can never support the body the way the inner heart does, and so when we arrive at our next thing, we have forgotten why we are even there because we weren’t with ourselves from A to B.
This is the true definition of dementia: “Dementia is not only a side effect of people getting old, it is a clear reflection of a society which is choosing to check out and distract as a normal way of being. And then, after doing that for years, they are ending up not wanting to feel how disconnected they have lived and finally want to escape from life completely.”
Dementia is happening at younger and younger ages – when are we going to start paying attention!?
The pull to be unaware can at times be very strong and yet more and more now I am allowing myself to feel and be aware of what that unaware state bring with it and at the same time how I feel when being aware. The two are starkly different in how they shape and feel in the body. As a humanity we have a way of life that actually champions these ill-states as something that is healthy, not harming, has no ripple affects on others or society on whole, in fact life is becoming more and more geared towards being unaware and on whole we are unaware of the damage we are blindly walking into. Video gaming and internet usage is continuing to rise and rise but how many of us feel disconnected from the world when we look up from the screen or see that glazed complexion across a persons face when we speak to them after their screen time? This is not meant to be damming or judgemental but highlights just how unaware we truly are.
Bringing in connection is so needed as you share Janina because without this connection we are lost and when lost we don’t like what we feel and if left in the world as it currently stands we are led down the path of unawareness.
” what has led us to this epidemic?” This is a great question to ask Janina in regards to dementia for as you have stated this illness is on the rise. If we are really honest with ourselves we can see the many ways we choose to check out and disconnect from ourselves and life around us, is it possible that this may be the beginning of choosing to opt out altogether, as in dementia? When we become aware that this checking out is possibly the beginning of the process that may lead to dementia then we can choose to be more connected to and more feeling of ourselves and life around us.
As a society it has become quite normal to ‘check out’, but the long term consequences of this behaviour is becoming obvious as more cases of dementia are being revealed everyday as your blog reveals Janina. I can feel the responsibility I have to notice when I switch off and to chose to engage and be more present in life when this happens, I feel it is also important for us to support others when we notice them checking out for long periods of time.
It’s not until something is brought to our attention do we have an opportunity to consider and then make a choice from. I had no idea what checking out meant 7 years ago, I just thought that’s what humans did – distracted themselves with activities of every possible kind. I certainly made sure I was busy every single minute of the day so I had absolutely no room for rest or reflection. When it was suggested to me that perhaps I was escaping being with me and avoiding my feelings, everything changed. Fortunately I was willing to accept the truth in all of that, and since then, it has been a mighty work in progress to bring conscious presence to my life.
Some great questions you ponder on Janina. When you talk about the many ways we check out, it makes me wonder how we got to not realising what we’re doing. We’re on auto pilot, completely disconnected from ourselves and others. I’m wondering what’s going on also.
Great blog Janina, we certainly have to take a good look at what is going on and what is the true cause of dementia. I used to think it was part of aging but then why do some people develop dementia and others don’t. To me it is now evident that the way we choose to live impacts on our health and how we age. The number of our population choosing to ‘check out’ is increasing and I feel this is definitely linked to our rates of dementia. We have created many ways to ‘check out’, our choices of distractions are endless but at the end of the day it is always up to us what we choose, to live more connected and present with ourselves and others or to live wanting and choosing to escape life? No one can make that choice for us, we are responsible for our own life and what we contribute to everyone around us and to humanity.
Making the commitment to not check out is by far the most hardest call in a world that constantly lures us in with visual and social stimulation. You just need to walk down the street, head to your local supermarket or watch people at the traffic light to witness how we are being consumed by technology and ways to not stop and sit for a moment.
“In Germany we have at present about 1.4 million people with dementia and they expect a rise up to 2.2 million by 2030” – Wow, that is huge – it is so important to start real conversations about dementia and where it starts, rather than putting all our efforts into finding a cure and building more nursing homes.
Wow – a scary few facts to read here that paint a pretty dim picture of dementia and how ‘accepted’ it is for the elderly to get this. But we do have to ask – what is the responsibility of the younger generations here? Are we really staying present with how we are living, and what is our attitude to the elderly – to me it seems we send them off to homes or start to lose contact with them, but perhaps this adds to the state of them choosing to check out and be a victim of the system. There is a way to go for us to start taking responsibility for ourselves and each other.
“Dementia is not only a side effect of people getting old, it is a clear reflection of a society which is choosing to check out and distract as a normal way of being.” It is quite shocking to see so many people in one place that are so ‘checked out’ as a result of the choices they have made in their lives, and it is interesting that this does not seem to be something that is considered in the diagnosis or treatment and more importantly the prevention of this disease. It is with thanks to Serge Benhayon who has presented that it may be possible that we can begin to take steps to prevent Dementia, by being more present by staying connenected to our bodies with everything that we do in our lives.
“Dementia is not only a side effect of people getting old, it is a clear reflection of a society which is choosing to check out and distract as a normal way of being.” And hence as you have presented Janina, the beginning of Dementia essentially start when we are young – if we ‘check out’ and do not connect with ourselves nor those around us and we don’t engage in life and we choose to just switch off (as many teenagers do already with the number of video games and screen time that they indulge in) – then this lays the beginnings or the ground work for dementia later on in life. And this is all preventable – Dementia is not a given, it is not something that you will automatically just get as you get older – it is a reflection of how much you have connected in your life or not. I dont say this to scare people, but I say it so that it offers us all an opportunity to make needed changes that can have long lasting repercussions on us and all those around us. I too have worked in nursing homes and have seen what it is like to be around our elderly population that has given up on society and themselves and live in their own worlds so far away from reality. This is a wake up call for us all.
Having an elderly member of my family with dementia I can look back and clock how early the disease actually started – at least 40 years ago I would say.’ Checking out’ is something we consider pretty normal in life,. so it is great to bring awareness to this.
With the steady rise in Dementia this kind of blog is much needed and there is great value in being able to see and realise that how we are living before any health issue is contributory.
Dementia is a process where in the end the person in not their body anymore they lose the contact to themselves more and more. In the end they give up completely and are not able to take care of themselves even when their body is still functioning but they are not able even to eat or to go on the toilet on their own, because they separated from their own being and body and allow in an energy which takes over.
And this age for dementia is getting lower and lower and lower – I wonder how much it has to do with our teens choosing to check out on screen time and video games (a complete check out from life itself)…Thank you Janina for opening the conversation…
I was just reflecting on reading an older comment and it was very revealing (if we make a note of it literally) to how many times we actually choose to ‘switch off’. Even sitting on the loo for goodness sake my mind was wondering off onto a shopping list, albeit for only seconds but, that is enough to start a process of getting into the habit and momentum to let loose that ‘checking out’ mentality of not connecting to being, and living in the moment. This blog has done wonders I feel for bringing our attention/awareness to dementia and the ease at which ‘checking out’ is a process/choice of our own making.
Marion you are so spot on, I had to laugh about your example of sitting on the loo wondering off onto a shopping list. I know this so well and how awful it feels in my body, how it makes me tired when I allow myself all these wondering thoughts and where am I at that moment, choosing to stay present and connect back to what I am physically doing is all that is required, it asks a constant loving commitment to be with myself at any time.
This is huge Janina. Even we who know it is vital to check-in often check-out. There is such a force of lethargy out there which can overcomes us if we are not vigilant. I remember nearly 40 years ago when I was 30 I realised that I must be consciously present with my body – I did my ‘best’ to practice this and ‘stay there’ but because I didn’t know other people who thought that this was important I ended up succumbing to checking out again. I know this was a choice, and not a good one! All we can do is continue to stay attuned and present with our very valuable bodies and this will then turn the tide on dementia for all.
Our society is not yet aware how much each of us is responsible for every move we make and that it has an effect on everybody and everything. And it is something I am slowly allowing myself to understand and remember because it askes us to be fully responsible and that is really really challenging and brings focus to all areas of our life. It rocks us out of our comfort. A comfort which has never been really comfortable but really miserable. Only comfortable in the way that we didn’t have to get up and stand up and speak up. But instead bury our heads in the ground and pretend we are not really there, not really hear and see what is going on all around. But the price we pay is very high if we choose comfort, the misery deepens and deepens and there is no cure or medicine for the inner pain we feel, missing ourselves and the love that waits within to be lived and expressed. And dementia here we come is the solution for people not feeling their own misery and sadness….and then more and more they disappear…
The energy of checking out / dementia is very familiar to me. It was a strategy of giving up and survival. But it is an illusion to think when we check out (food or computer…) and ignoring what is there to be felt that everything is fine then. It isn´t, it is an endless vicious cycle and doesn´t bring us anywhere but deeper into misery and not wanting to face and deal with life. So now living differently and learning to feel what is going on I feel I need training in just feeling and observing. I have used other people’s behavior as an excuse to react and than to numb and run.
And the key here is our body. When we are able to develop a connection to our body which is supporting harmony and presence we are able to let other people be where they are. Wow!
The phenomena of dementia is significant to look at for us. When we consider that we all affect another even when we are not in the same room or country. So having nearly over 2 Million people with dementia only in Germany lets face it how much checking out energy do we have in our world. Or better asked how many people are actually living checking in on a permanent level- choosing to be conscious present and feeling.
I understand how harsh it is to feel the lovelessness of the world and to want to not feel it. I feel so fortunate, immensely fortunate , to have found a way of living that understands that when we stay open, we feel the enormous love there is to feel that eclipses the other, sad world stuff. To have found this amazing connection with myself, to know that everything is within me and equally within all others is no small thing. I feel dementia is giving up on feeling this connection. If I had not found this way, I can see how easy it is to give up. It is not hard to see how many in the world are hurting and are disconnected. It feels like once we know how connected it is possible to be, it is our responsibility to be in the world so others can feel this possibility too.
‘I feel so fortunate, immensely fortunate, to have found a way of living that understands that when we stay open, we feel the enormous love there is to feel that eclipses the other, sad world stuff.’ Me too Amanda and I agree that it is our responsibility to not check out and stay connected so our fellow brothers get that reflection. In the meantime I have learned not to focus on others too much but primarily on me staying present and feeling my reaction to life and my attempts to escape. This will then be a beautiful reflection to others.
There is also this huge issue of checking out. After a big day, when I am tired, I often allow myself to watch tv, just checking out. When I want to relax, curl up on the couch and watch a movie, it often feels like having a holiday from the world, which is checking out. I have to ask myself why do I need a holiday from my life? What is it that I don’t want to feel about my life and why don’t I want to be in every loving moment? If I am with myself, not pushing to get things done, perhaps I wouldn’t feel so over tired and in need of winding down. This is something I am going to give myself the space to lovingly feel, without judgement, and see what happens. It’s an important project.
‘Having a holiday from the world’ That is such a ‘spot on’ description I feel of ‘checking out’. I recognise it cos I’ve done this so many times. I’ve reined in some of those habits but still a work in progress on the rest.
I have watched while people I know have made choices not to see the truth of their lives and they have fallen into dementia instead. I found it difficult to respond to this with love but it is important to allow the space to not be in judgement over their choices and to meet them with the same openness and love that I want for myself. I know that we have all held pictures of the way we would like life to be and when it is not like that, how do we respond? It is important, I feel, to be love in the world and to be the light we can be. How are we going to live knowing there is another way, a way that keeps the sparkle in our eyes, if there is judgement instead of love? I need to keep myself open, I need to bring that sparkle, just so a person with dementia can perhaps feel there is another way.
I love coming back to your blog Janina, such a beautiful reminder of self responsibility for the quality of our lives in avoiding dementia and in the way we connect to people who have dementia.
I agree Shirl we always need to come back to self responsibility! Choosing the quality we want to live in and letting other people make their choices and not going into reaction.
When we live based on checking out we miss the whole purpose which our life has and we miss out beeing who we are with all the glory which waits to be expressed through our body.
All strategies of checking out are avoiding to take responsibility to deal with our hurts and issues.
But these strategies will never work but deepen the sadness and misery we are living in and have consequences also for the quality we live in our next lives.
This is very true Kevin, I feel the same that everyone needs ‘to know of the dangers of checking out’. Like so many illnesses/dis-eases I feel that much of society bury their heads in the sand so to speak and an ‘it won’t happen to me’ attitude sets in. The rising statistics alone ‘should be’ enough for that necessary wake up call. But, is it?
It is almost like Dementia is a litmus test for our society …. At the end of the day, after all of the seeking of power, greed, living with hurt , fear , disconnection and anxiousness, where are we at the end of the day. Do we love ourselves, preparing gracefully for our next life, reflecting back the love that is in us around us, or are we the result of a life time of numbing, finally and completely disconnected.
Great point Chris James, I know what choice I would lovingly make everyday – it is a shame so many have given up and forgotten there even is a choice.
It is devastating to see the complete disconnection of people at the end of their lives, and to care for them in this phase of their lives asks a commitment to stay present with myself and connect to the love I am and I have for all people. In that I fully agree Chris what a wonderful opportunity we have in life to prepare for our next life when we love ourselves and to be in the world and shine our light.
I get the sense that dementia doesn’t stop with one person and it doesn’t start at old age. It carries on in ripples, affecting everyone, and it can start from very young, as soon as we start to zone-out on the TV or computer screen. So, dementia is a social condition, there for everyone to deal with and learn from.
This feels true to me too Shami and with our children spending so much time checked out on internet games etc, this feels a perfect time to ponder what is really going on. Everything in life is a reflection and so the rising percentages of Dementia and my own response to people with dementia offers me an opportunity to go deeper and to expose the hidden prejudice I carry. Thanks Janina for sharing your experience – it is inspiring and offering much love in action to us all.
People really do need to know the dangers of checking out, as the older generation didn’t have computer games but still found enough ways to check out and so this whole younger generation that gets lost in these games and the computer in general are even more likely and prone to this awful disease. It’s frightening to think about the future if this message has not been accepted.
Yes I agree Kevin, I know kids as young as 4 being allowed to do computer games nearly all day long. Parents use these games as a babysitter without considering the long-term effects on their health and psychological well-being.
But our greatest tool to check out is when we retreat into thoughts into our mind and separate from feeling our body.
Really interesting to re-read your article Janina particularly as I notice how easily and often people in my life, (myself included at times) choose to disengage with life through checking out. It feels like dementia rates will only increase at these steady rates until we begin to truly connect with life and at a foundational level ourselves. I notice so many people choosing to set their lives up in such a way that there is no space or time made for self and it is this quality, reconnecting with self through love, care and nurturing, that supports us to be more conscious and present in life.
I agree with you Jade, as I have also been observing some of the younger people I know (in their twenties) who already have bad memories and are distracted with their mobile phones. I used to have a bad memory and was concerned that I was going down the dementia route but since being more focussed and choosing to be present my memory has improved drastically – it’s so easy to see how checking out from life can lead to dementia.
It’s great what you share here Julie that to live in a way that we do become more aware for ourselves “choosing to be present” means we are quite able to put a stop to this debilitating dis-ease of the body/mind. A wake up call when statistics are growing at an alarming rate.
Yes Jade, and that is viewed as normal but I know for myself how hard it was for me to see how dishonouring I have been towards myself and allowed other people to ‘use’ me. It is coming down to feeling our own responsibility to connect with ourselves and engage from a foundation of lived love.
Reading your comment Simon, another dishonesty or belief came “this is too much to feel or deal with” as an excuse to distract, to avoid taking responsibility in a situation where I absorb other peoples’ emotions and react instead of allowimg and observing. And then to choose checking out behaviours like activities.
Very true Janina. I for one will do everything I can to STOP REACTING on account of absorbing other peoples emotions. I confirm that we have to take our responsibility in order to be able to stop contributing to the state humanity currently is in.
I am starting to fathom the huge dishonesty in saying, “I don’t know what I am feeling” or “I can’t feel”. This has come from experiencing that when I honour my feeling, I have access to how all my choices have been affecting me but also a great deal of love inside. To live shy of feeling and to ultimately come to a point of no return is the greatest tragedy of the human spirit, for it deprives itself of the truth of connection, love and union with God.
I have been working with a man in his early forties recently who, from your description, is heading towards the potential dementia signpost. I know what it is like to not be present with myself and what disastrous consequences that can have. I am reminded today, rather than be concerned about this young man as I have been, i can just up the level of the presence I have with myself and allow him to be inspired by this if he so chooses.
This blog is important as it shows how dementia (or any illness or disease) does not just happen but how our consistent choices steadily have an effect on our health. Anyone reading this blog gives us the opportunity to make changes in how we are living and our choices now which, with the increase in this condition, could be a benefit for many.
Great point Julie it is our ‘consistent choices’ that ‘ steadily have an effect on our health’ – when we consider this fact then it reveals the true opportunity and responsibility we have to ourselves and those around us to be present in life and make choices that lovingly support us to be all that we are.
If we run from who we are, we will leave ourselves behind. Dementia is the inevitable outcome when we ‘forget’ who we truly are and let ourselves slip into the void of ‘who we are not’.
Reading your comment Liane “slip into the void, who we are not”reminds me of when I observe others in a day dream state – that switching off – staring into thin air, I often ask them ‘where have you gone too’? answer ‘no where’ But it definitely feels like a big ‘void’ they’ve allowed themselves to drift off into, into never never land, this so feels like the makings of dementia.
Thanks Liane for summing dementia up in such a simple, concise way. What a stark realisation that living in a way that is not in time with our bodies is not just harming in the moment; it is all being stored in the body and the brain and is the beginnings of dementia. As Janina has stated – we do need to be talking more about this subject and its causes.
If we are love, then why do we run from it?
I have found that is a bittersweet moment when we allow ourselves to feel the love that we are, because simultaneously we also feel all that we have come to allow in the way of the this love being connected to and expressed. It is this discomfort of the ill momentum we have created from a vast array of unloving choices that sees us heading for the hills. However, running away from feeling this does not help to heal this ill created momentum, it only adds to and magnifies it. But in the ‘escape’ we feel a familiar numbness that seems to alleviate the pain we feel by not living the love that we are. Naturally this will catch up with us because in-truth we are not running anywhere, we are simply seeking to hide from taking responsibility to live our love in our life, in these bodies we are in. Staying present is the key but this can be extremely challenging when our entire way of living is set up to distract, entertain, indulge and numb us to the bone. I have found small steps are the key to arresting this momentum as is pausing to feel that in every moment, no matter how seemingly insignificant it may seem, the All is there as it should be. Thus, it is merely our constant noise and movement that renders us blind to its (our) beauty. Great blog Janina and a conversation well worth having, thankyou.
Thank you Liane this is a great insight as to what is behind dementia.
I agree Liane the more we live a life of avoiding to feel the love that we are the more painful it feels inside, so we try harder to numb and run form it. But we are feeling everything so actually dementia offers the solution to avoid feeing the deep sadness of missing ourselves and living love with others.
This is what I can see with the old lady I look after. She is at times still aware where she is and that she lives in a home with people with dementia and that is not an easy place to live being confronted with other people who are “checked out”. So she checks out more and more…
‘Staying present is the key but this can be extremely challenging when our entire way of living is set up to distract, entertain, indulge and numb us to the bone.’ This is so true and I agree, taking small steps is the way – we are not going to change overnight those lifetime habits of checking out. I am amazed just how much I spend every waking moment thinking about stuff that has nothing to do with that moment, however, I am gradually finding more and more moments in each day where I check in – rather like joining the dots. Eventually every moment will be checking in, and appreciating those few moments is way better than criticising myself for not being present, because any self criticism is another way of taking myself out and away from who I truly am. Appreciate every small step and they become more.
So true Carmel – Appreciating those moments we are checking in not getting distracted and self bashing when we are not present as, that game so well played out in the past loves to comeback and ‘bite us’ leading us to be even more open to distraction and go off on another tangent and not feeling into each and every moment.
The possibility of dementia in my own body freaks me out, so to have it actually happening must be a very scary experience, mostly because it marks the life that has been lived as requiring of more love for oneself.
I experience moments when i go somewhere and when i arrive i don’t know any longer what i wanted to get, that feels like moments of “dementia” i have lost presence and needing a moment to remember what i was up to do.
For me also Janina – Its the same feeling of travelling in my car at the start of the journey I am very aware of my movements and clarity with where I am going and what is happening around me. But, occasionally on getting say from A to B there is sometimes a gap in between where I’ve gone into my mind and settled for something less than feeling all of me in my connection and presence.
or you suddenly notice that you have ended up somewhere you didn’t want to go and than realize that you have not been present at all …
Yes the possibility of dementia Shami is very real and open to effect anyone who is prepared to live in the ‘giving upness’ of life. In getting concerned over ‘others’ around me I found myself neglecting my own pathway with being present so had to go back to basics and look/feel into my own lived daily choices – lovingly so.
If the great scientists of today are able to honestly say they have no idea what makes up 90% of the universe, then surely it behoves us all, when we are presented, as humanity, with a condition such as dementia that by itself will cripple the health systems of the world, then surely we must be open to and look at, with new eyes, other possibilities that would account for such extraordinary discrepancies and flaws in our society.
Thank you Janina for opening the discussion about how our choices are reflected in our well-being. It may not be a welcome thought, but reading through your article, we definitely have to consider in how far we are the creators of our own well-being.
I stop checking out with drugs and alcohol many years ago, I still find myself zoning out or day dreaming, I was really aware of this during the post xmas sales yesterday. Sitting and totally zoning out whilst someone tried on something, I caught myself a few times and had to question what am I not wanting to feel, I asked myself to stop and look and observe and reconnect with myself but also the hard working sales people. I could also feel rather than checking out it was time to go home!
Daydreaming was a constant visitor both in my childhood and adult life. It feels to me that these zoning out episodes ‘not wanting to feel’ start at a very young age and that dementia is not just something that comes upon us in our advancing older years, as so often mentioned. It does keep coming back to us making choices and to have those moments of realisation that we can stop and instantly bring our awareness back and reconnect to feeling all of ourselves. Checking in not checking out. The choice is ours to make.
I too have spent a lot of time daydreaming or zoning out as a child and during my adult life as well, Nicole and Marion. What is interesting is that I never thought it was a problem and it was a great relief for me to escape into my head and disconnect from my body so I couldn’t feel anything. The key for me is staying present and really catching myself when I start to drift as the pattern can be quite ingrained at times but an empowering feeling when we can move beyond this and choose to stay connected.
‘….Now I have to really turn around the way I live to support myself lovingly, to feel all and to stay present with myself and with what I am doing at any given time, and not to run and numb myself when I can feel some struggle or pain.’ I really needed to read your blog today Janina to help me get to a deeper level of awareness that I am numbing myself to feel old hurts.
This sentence touched me deep within this morning. ‘I have not been wanting to feel what I was feeling.’ It made me aware of some kind of struggle inside, ever so subtle, not wanting to feel what I am feeling. What is needed here is my loving patience and understanding that I am protecting myself from a big hurt and that it may take a while before I am ready to feel what lies beneath. In the meantime I should stay aware of my tendency to check out to stop this from happening and work on my presence. My mind is alway finding new ways to steer me away from feeling.
Since years I have observed a tendency to run and numb so snacking and overeating was one of my patterns. With the support of several practitioners of Universal Medicine and the amazing teacher Chris James who is offering workshop all over the world I was able to nominate some old hurts I did not want to face. This brought me a new clarity and possibility to actually choose to stay in my body and be understanding and aware of everything that happened during the day. I am able now to read situations and not simply react take it personal and go to numb myself.
I had a believe that I am not able to handle everything what happens to me or to hide and stay small to avoid danger for my own life or my family. Understanding now that our body can get hurt but our soul can never be touched and stays forever with us. And what only matters is that we stay true and live in quality of love and not compromise this for anything.
I can see a connection of my nervous system and presence. If i stimulate my nervous system with certain food or not being present whilst eating or surfing to long on the internet i find it harder to be focused on what i am actually doing next.
It is astonishing to observe just how much I check out – in the shower, brushing teeth, walking down stairs – ordinary everyday things that I don’t have to think about and so I find myself thinking of something else whilst doing the activity. Expand that into a whole day of activities and I realise I’m not there for most of the day, which is scary. What helps me to stay focused in feeling my posture and seeing if it is creating backache, or feeling if there’s any unnecessary tension in my jaw, for example.
I’m really appreciating your honest sharing Carmel. I too notice much more lately how I can check out doing some of the everyday activities – the ones I take for granted as you mention. My mind has a field day if I go about my day in a ‘rush’ or keen to get things done mode, slowing down is a great time for me to feel into everything I’m actively doing. It is due to brilliant blogs like this one and others alike that bring our attention to Dementia and that it just takes us to choose to be more constantly aware and connected to our amazing bodies in all that we do.
Blogs like these are absolutely brilliant, I agree. It brings our attention to things we have accepted as just being the way that they are but have now started taking responsibility for.
This is a great point to make Carmel around becoming aware of how many of these moments do we have throughout the day of checking out and highlights the importance of always being aware of our bodies, otherwise dementia could be a likely outcome.
I agree Julie. We have accepted it as normal to not be present during the day and to check out. But there is a great joy once we hold the connection to our body whilst doing what ever we do. And it is worth starting to become more honest how we are actually living and then to be able to make changes.
Spending time with someone with dementia, as you are doing Janina, is certainly offering a huge stop moment to honestly consider how we are living our lives, or if we are truly living them at all. I too have just visited a friend with dementia after not having seen her for many years. Physically she looked the same, but when I looked into her eyes the woman I had known was not there, so I just sat and kept on looking, and after a few minutes there was a flash of recognition and for a brief moment there she was. In that moment I could feel how easy it could be to disappear into dementia if we keep on checking out, numbing ourselves, and generally shutting down all that is going on around us. As you say, this is becoming an epidemic – we need to stop and ask ourselves why?
Dementia is quite a scarring illness. Since watching my mother die with advanced dementia and experiencing the odd memory lapse myself I have become more aware of the patterns and behaviours that contribute to this illness. There is much for me to ponder and feel. Thank you Janina for commencing and continuing the conversation.
I had a body treatment this morning with my practioner. When she started the session i choose to be fully present and wanted to be fully there. This was such a beautiful experience as i have shared in the blog i was living in a way to not feel and not be present. I stayed totally present the whole session and felt amazing and very surrendered.
Beautiful Janina, I drive long distances to get to work sometimes up to 3 hours I will be driving. I have been trying to stay present during the whole drive, it has been really exposing just how often I check out and get distracted in my thoughts. A work in progress but a worthwhile one that I feel will have a flow-on affect in other areas of my life.
Why and how we do things is so much more important than what we do. One thing can either be done out of pure joy and the feeling of supporting ourselves, or it can be done, because we do not want to feel or see something else and use this doing as an escape. One and the same thing and a totally different outcome.
“We need to look past the illness to why so many people are getting dementia, the very fact that it is growing rapidly shows that the way we are living is not right.” Well said Alison the growing number of dementia and many other diseases is a proof that we are not living in a way that is beneficial to our own health and that of others.
Great blog Janina, it is a powerful realisation that it is ultimately our choice to check out and pave the way for dementia. We can either avoid what we are really feeling by checking out or live in the presence of who we are allowing and accepting the times of struggle and pain that soon give way to the essence within when we choose to commit to ourselves rather then vacate the scene.
This is revealing to read what you share here Janina when we consider just how much technology is changing before our eyes making it even easier to check out and escape from life than ever before. We now have TVs that can play games for example! And watches that can browse FaceBook! Do we need any more distraction for us to realise that the way we are using them is not actually good for us?
“We now have TVs that can play games for example! And watches that can browse FaceBook!Do we need any more distraction for us to realise that the way we are using them is not actually good for us?” Great question asked Joshua. We need to focus more on what is actually going in society and in what state are we living and ending our lives.
Why does our society constantly invent devices that promise us to be able to connect with each other quicker and easier and be always up to date, when in fact we use them to get lost and are so fixed on them, that we do not even realise anymore who is standing or sitting next to us?
Is this really a way forward?
I agree Michael. I talked to a woman with four daughters yesterday. She shared with me a situation where she came into the living room. All her daughters where sitting in front of their laptops being busy in what ever they where doing. There was no contact or communication between them everybody was busy communicating or surfing with their laptop.
Great point Michael. Certainly not the way forward. But I feel with anything that initially starts out as being a ‘good idea’ a ‘money spinner’ keeps growing beyond its boundaries as the big ‘need’ from a lot of society is to loose themselves out of feeling what is really happening in their lives. So up pops another mind boggling, absorbing and ‘brain numbing’ game/invention which gets to those who are so vulnerable and being hooked in and are by demand asking for more of this type of thing. Bring on communication with the human touch, looking into their eyes and expressing in conversation any day.
Would this not help dementia at bay?
‘…technology is changing before our eyes making it even easier to check out and escape from life than ever before.’ Sad but true. It is so ironic when you consider that the only way to truly let go of pain and suffering is to actually feel it first.
I agree Ilja, we create a world in which everything is set up to not feel and with the growing technology it is getting more extreme.
Janina you raise some important points about dementia that are not spoken about in the medical profession or aired in the same way that you have written. Checking out should be a study in itself and how much this affects our mental and physical awareness. To look after people with dementia is a constant drain on resources both on the people looking after them and the health services. We need to look past the illness to why so many people are getting dementia, the very fact that it is growing rapidly shows that the way we are living is not right.
Having recently supported a seniors local community fundraiser I have noticed the level of conversation that has started around the rates of dementia at local levels. The numbers are escalating at alarming rates and this blog is a timely reminder to not accept but to question what is truly going on in society and why are we so complacent?
In this day and age we find so much stimulation in the world, never before have we had such an array of entertainment, music videos, soap drama’s, movies and video games. It seems crazy to me that we do not check in and feel what all this external stimulation is actually doing to our physical and mental health.
Great points that you mention here Samantha. The fact is that all that extra external stimulation is starting at a much younger age. Sitting children in front of the television to keep them amused is just the tip of the iceberg of where this over stimulating, absorbing distraction starts.
As everything is energy we need to look at energy first and foremost. There are two energies we can choose from, two ways of living one is supporting us to to feel the beauty and divine being that we are and to bring love into all areas of our life . To live in a way that brings harmony and love into the world. The other energy supports us not to be present and feeling, it supports separation within and with other people. This energy feels horrible and we miss our divine essence so we do everything to be numbed, distracted, checked out and busy, simply not to feel the fact that we know we come from love and how desperately we long for to reconnect again to the divine love we have once turned away from.
I recently heard of an elderly gentleman who really needed convalescing for about a week in a care home. Every home within easy travelling distance from where he lived was full, you’ve guessed it full of dementia patients. His family and friends had to travel vast distances to see him and interestingly this home too was half full of dementia patients also. Dementia is certainly on the rise worryingly so.
You are so true Janina. Fact that checking out is a form of no longer willing to see what’s going on in the world. No matter if we speak in general or the little worlds we have around us. Family, friends, business. Where we have been living a life, where we can not look back and say: “Awesome what I have left behind.” Instead we see where we have followed, allowed, not spoken up and joined in a life of comfort and less love/ self love than we know we are? No longer willing to feel the tension of us being part of a world in misery?
An epidemic of people checking out, if we reflect on it we can see this occurring in all levels of society. We are constantly sold ways of checking out, with food, tv, drinking, film, radio, books, music, holidays, going into our fantasies and our dream worlds, so many of seek escape rather than be present in their lives. And this is on the increase and is now pervasive. What are we escaping from? Is there something in our lives that we do not want to look at, can we bear to be still and feel the quality in which we live? There are so many distractions from being with ourselves it is a serious health concern that is impacting greatly on society.
We can not longer accept a way of living as society which ends having dementia!
You say it! Loosing family members on dementia, seeing old people being empty boxes – still alive but in which prison? They are lost – and feeling this emptiness must not be treated – it’s a wake up call to address the route cause for it!
Thank you Janina for a really great blog on the Dementia epidemic that is on the rise in society. I feel for me, most of my life I have been checked out and had it not been for Universal Medicine and the truth it presents I could have in my later years been suffering from Dementia. Through reading your blog and many of the comments I am becoming more aware of the very subtle way of checking out. So when I find I am not present I need to call it for what it is, checking out.
Just been in England participating at Level 5 Esoteric Healing course with Universal Medicine I have realized how powerful we all are if we stay in our bodies and are present and feeling. In checking out and distracting ourselves we give away this power and all knowing which is there for all of us to live.
Dementia is already an epidemic and is growing, no amount of research will help if we do not look at the root as to why we need to check out. Checking out and not being present comes from giving up. Why then we need to ask what are we doing wrong as a society that means so many people want to give up on life? Big questions that need to be asked….
It builds a bridge to see why we have this epidemic happening what you are sharing here, Janina. It makes total sense that “… it is a clear reflection of a society which is choosing to check out and distract as a normal way of being. And then, after doing that for years, they are ending up not wanting to feel how disconnected they have lived and finally want to escape from life completely.” So it clearly shows the only way to deal with dementia is to speak up for what’s causing it! The acceptance of the normal of “checking out” during our whole life, because we can’t handle what’s truly going on.
‘I regularly checked out with distractions like surfing the internet or watching TV for hours, eating, talking, thinking, escaping into my mind, internet shopping or looking for a new home.’ This begins to intimate just how many different ways we have developed to check out and distract ourselves from that which we do not want to be aware of or feel. I recently became aware of how when I am exercising in the gym I am present with myself during the time of moving to do a particular exercise but in between I have a tendency to ‘drift off’ into my mind and thoughts. To help this I use a timer to let me know how long it has been in between exercises and this has supported to remaining present with me and feeling my body in between exercises.
I was just driving from Germany to England by car with my partner. I could observe in the beginning being present with myself but at some point when i drove for longer i started thought about all sorts of things, plaining as if i needed entertainment. As being present with myself is not enough! There i can feel a lack of holding my self to a deeper level of appreciation and truly allowing myself to feel the tender women that i am and to deepen that with every move i make.
That’s a great point Janina – through each and every movement and our breath we have the opportunity to develop our presence with feeling and appreciating ourselves rather than the escape or entertainment in our minds.
This is a great point you are making here Janina and one that I feel sure many of us can relate to. Even on short journeys I have at times wondered how I have got from A to B and not remembering the bit in the middle as busy thoughts take over from my being present.
I agree nb, it is alarming and no surprise that dementia can come on after a trauma when the desire to check out and not feel what is happening may take place.
This level of checking out into our thoughts is often easily overlooked as normal behaviour however is still a form of checking out from the glory that is held within and invites the momentum of escaping reality to get a hold on us.
Thank you Janina for your blog, it has raised my awareness of the ways in which I too check out, I have lived very much a checked out life and I am sure had it not been for Universal Medicine I could very likely been on the road to dementia. Thank you Serge for living the light of true love and reflecting this to the world.
So well said Janina. And there are so many ways in which we do check out. I recently had my car serviced and usually work on my computer in the waiting room – but as they no longer had Internet available I had to fill in the three hours somehow as I couldn’t get home. I went to the movies which was across the road, and i could hardly believe how it felt in that place. The feeling of checking out was very strong and the feeling of inertia and heaviness, lacking all true sense of liveliness was all-encompassing. Most ‘rewards’ or ‘treats’ in life are about checking out. And as so many on these comments have asked and answered, ‘Why do we need rewards, comforts, treats?’ Simply because we have lost connection with the greatest joy in the world, ourselves.
I agree Lyndy there is a strong checking-out consciousness in our society a „I deserve a reward mentality“ which is actually harming ourselves. But I am still not free of it yet. Even I love to work today which I did not in the past. But still often when I come home I rather choose food than the connection with myself and to stop. But I can see what is nourishing is the connection not the „reward“.
So well said Lyndy, I used to ‘love’ a movie to get lost in but often I would be left with a real yucky feeling no matter how ‘good’ the film was. This yuckyness I came to realise is the direct result of leaving myself and letting other stuff enter.
There is a strong checking out mentality in our society. We all play a part in it. Some more some less. As long as we do we say checking out is ok, but it is not and deeply harming ourselves and others.
Correct Janina, I know there are times when I have to catch myself checking out, it’s like I go into autopilot or cruise control and disconnect for awhile. I had a beautiful wake-up call from my 7year old daughter the other day, while we were in the car I was distracted with something and she was talking to me and I answered her in a way she knew I was not fully present with her. She said to me -‘mum it’s like there are times you go from one world into another world when I am talking to you’. Being exposed in this way was awesome as it really made me take stock of this ‘checking out’ behaviour I still do in certain areas of my life and the harm it can bring. I feel blessed to have my daughter’s wisdom to call me out when I do this, and I now feel a deeper level of responsibility to be aware of this behaviour and catch it in myself now.
Beautiful Anna, this story of your daughter. We can support each other if we don’t hold back what we feel and communicate with each other. And we need other peoples’ reflection to grow.
I would often start way to may projects and have to many things on the go at once to the point my children often diagnosed me with ADD because I could never focus on one thing long enough to finish it. I still struggle with being consciously present in my body and am constantly bringing myself back to myself.
I am also of the opinion that we have to look deeper into the cause of illness and disease and how our lifestyles may be contributing to our ever increasing rates of illness.
I agree Michael, we need to look honestly for the true cause of illness and diseases in our society and why people getting sicker and sicker with all sorts of diseases and mix of symptoms.
I agree Michael and Janinaelsa we need to be more honest and start looking past illness and disease and look at how we are living. The hospitals are there to support us but we need to begin to take more responsibility for our own health and not leave it until we are sick.
‘Dementia is not only a side effect of people getting old, it is a clear reflection of a society which is choosing to check out and distract as a normal way of being’ I find this such an important point in that it identifies the reflection offered to us through the illnesses and diseases which are on the rise in society, in this case dementia. We have to start the discussions and ask the questions as to what is truly going on and as is also identified in the passage; look at the implication of our own choices and take responsibility for how we find ourselves.
Could it be Julie that women cannot face the fact that they have given their precious power away and left their sacred stillness in order to ‘be someone’ or ‘please someone’ ‘to play the game’ ‘to have a partner’ ‘succeed in the world’ etc.. The fact that we have sacrificed our true power in the name of false love is almost too awful to feel for many. And so we just shut down, check out, and be anywhere except in true awareness, stillness and beauty.
I have been asking myself these same question, do I give up and check out and what is the difference between this and surrendering? There comes a time every day when I responsibly let go and fall asleep otherwise I allow myself to feel and be more aware. The truth is never confronting, it just allows me to choose what is the best way for me to deal with it. Thanks Janina.
This is great what you share here Nicholas to have that stop moment and ask ourselves ‘do I give up and check out’ and to keep bringing ourselves back to being truly honest because, for me checking out can happen in a blip of a second. Like I have said to many others as they stare into space or really engrossed in t.v or computer games. Where have you gone? What are you daydreaming about? That has been me in the past. Choosing to take responsibility just opens the gates of opportunity and ‘clocking’ those checking out moments which will only grow if allowed to do so – through choice.
It is sad how many people ‘live’ out their last few years in nursing homes. We have so much work to do in living as a true community. I love how you shared how neutral activities such as going onto the Internet change depending on the quality we are in at the time. Are we completely present with our body and selves or getting lost in what we see?
I was so checked out in my early twenties, thirties and forties and had no idea this was the case. If not for attending Universal Medicine courses and presentations and realizing that I needed to connect to my body and be present with myself I probably would have had dementia by now.
Me too Mary-Louise. As we are not told that we where checking out, and the western medicine are only looking for a cure and not the cause of people getting dementia so have no clue why this is a growing illness in our societies, this checking out behaviour does go on and will result in the dramatic predictions that are being made about the number of people with dementia in the future. Unless we allow to see the truth of dementia as being presented by Universal Medicine and start to connect with our bodies instead of checking out.
Absolutely Mary-Louise I feel that it would of be a path that I was also travelling down. Connecting to my body was the last thing on my to do list for many decades. Thank Heaven for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine – an about turn through choice to get back to feeling/connecting to my body, not just drifting through life living in hope.
It is so widespread in our society that our body and mind are often not together. We are doing a task and think about later, what food we will eat, what movie we will watch tomorrow or what we have experienced yesterday at work.
To go with a person for a walk who has dementia is very confronting because it feels like there is nobody really there walking with you and i often catch myself checking out myself..something i am learning to hold my connection without making it depended on the reflection i receive.
Love your honesty here Sarah. It is amazing when we really take a look at where we check out. Sometimes our minds may tell us we are doing something ‘good’, however we can check out on everything if we choose to.
I can relate to what you are sharing here Janina. I used to work with people with Dementia for a long time and also found that it is easy to check out in the job as there is a feeling that they are not ‘there’, however, they still respond to people who come in and truely meet them so this is anoter example of our responsibility to hold our connection whomever we are with.
Yes Heidi “they still respond to people who come in and truely meet them so this is anoter example of our responsibility to hold our connection whomever we are with.” We are responsible to hold our connection no matter what is around us….
“So now I present my whole self to that elderly lady with dementia, making sure I stay mentally present, not allowing myself to react but connecting in a loving way with her.”- Janina a great reminder for us all- to be conscious present in all that we do and with whom ever we are with- if not after many years of checking out the result may be dementia.
If we present ourselves in full when then offer a different way of being- a blessing instead.
With all the modern advancements in medicine how is it possible for a dis-ease like this to actually double in 15 yrs aren’t we meant to be getting better? or is just the equipment to somehow cope with not only this dis-ease but the many many others that are have been crippling us as people for so long.The question needs to be asked again what is really going on it just doesn’t make sense.
I agree Rebecca and Janina – when I have been working with people with Dementia I have found the most important thing is my connection to myself and then being open to connecting with them. Even in the case of those people in the later stages of dementia they clearly respond well to being met in this way.
I have observed that the elderly lady i visit is extremely sensitive to how i arrive when i visit her. If i struggle with myself or don’t really want to be confronted with the energy of dementia she feels that straight away and our time gets difficult together. When i choose my connection to the best possible allow myself and her to be there-not wanting it to be different , we can have joyful and playful moments together.
This is a great article Janina, as a carer I work with people with dementia and have noticed that my clients can have days when they are clearer and not so checked out and days when they are confused and it feels like they are not there. I have had no formal training training with dementia but I am learning a lot from observing and can feel how me staying present, steady and loving supports my clients enormously.
In my observations of people walking, cycling or just sitting on a bench in the high street of various age groups with ear plugs in and a blank, glazed stare. No room for conversation or communication of any sort let alone the fact of the dangers of cycling on the road not applying full attention to surrounding activities. Is this the beginning of checking out?
It is beautiful that you are offering a reflection that is truly needed in a world where checking out is a common way to cope with life. How amazing it is that they can see there is another way to be and one that brings such vitality and joy.
I agree Janina…the fact that dementia is on the rise is concerning. We have so much technology around today where people are constantly checking out Facebook, twitter etc; checking emails; checking messages; surfing the internet; watching TV; gaming online or xbox etc – all time consuming activities constantly going on around us. We can either use these activities to truly connect with others, to share information and support each other to be more aware of ourselves and what is truly going on around the world, or we can use them to check out, distract and numb ourselves from the reality of life – it is simply a choice.
Beautiful Janina how you have had the courage to go deeper with what has been confronting for you and to look at your own checking out in life. Everything around us is in some way a reflection of ourselves, and to not react but take this as a learning and an opportunity to grow and develop ourselves is very powerful. There are no coincidences – just as reading this has supported me to look at where I have checked out in my life too…thank you for your reflection!
Very inspirational blog Janina, I too have felt how I have used ways to check out in my life. I recognize this, and I can absolutely understand that if I had continued this ill way my whole life, I would end up in this same state and would probably also develop dementia. But I know now that I can live in a different way by being connected to myself and choosing to be present with myself (this is my connection) everyday. This deeply supports me to actually re-imprint all the ways I have been numbing myself to not feel (check out), so I now finally am more in the moment, and enjoying my own living presence and everything that comes with that.
Janina – thanks for your honest sharing of what you experienced in a nursing home, and how you indeed can make a different reflection by bringing all of you to everyone you meet there, which is much needed.
“So now I present my whole self to that elderly lady with dementia, making sure I stay mentally present, not allowing myself to react but connecting in a loving way with her.
I see the kids today totally checked out on their various screens with earplugs in 24/7 and I wonder what the dementia of the future is going to look like. Will we start seeing people in their 30’s presenting with early dementia. Sadly it looks all too likely.
Dementia is one of the plagues of our time. When will we realize that it is how we live everyday that causes dementia
My mother was always anxious to not get dementia – she was so proud of her intelligence and would hate it if she ever forgot something, possibly seeing it as a sign of onset dementia. She would do her newspaper crossword every week, involving the whole family in the process, would look things up in a reference book, would watch the news, do her garden and enjoy being with her family and great grandchildren. She died at 94 still with a ‘full set of marbles’, but I wonder just how connected she was to her own body. I know for me, I have always had an awful memory and am constantly distracted at work and at home – I have an underlying anxiety too, even though I know the cause of dementia, and it affects my confidence especially in applying for jobs. I have many tools for re-connecting, thanks to Serge Benhayon, like the Gentle Breath Meditation, and touching things with awareness and tenderness, I am working on staying focused and connected but it feels like a lost cause sometimes when I ‘forget’ to use these simple techniques. There is a part of me that is choosing, yes, choosing, the comfort of not taking responsibility for maintaining my connection and it is up to me to change that.
Yes ‘forgetting’ to use those simple re-connecting techniques – know that one well Carmel. Allowing anxiousness into pockets of my life still causes ‘wobbles’ with my confidence. Observing this and knowing that it is a choice and at any given moment I can ‘nip it in the bud’ by taking back responsibility.
“There is a part of me that is choosing, yes, choosing, the comfort of not taking responsibility for maintaining my connection and it is up to me to change that.” This is important Carmel to understand that we have the choice to hold our connection or not. I also catch myself to often to find excuses to fall back into comfort and not taking responsibility. And it is a trick to weaken myself like you said bringing in nervousness and anxiousness, which is not really part of me if i make wiser choices.
Yes anxiousness is a subtle but insidious emotion that can be constantly underlying everything we do, say and think, and basically running our world without us even being aware of it. What I have also come to realise about anxiousness within myself is how controlling it can be. Recently I realised it has been running my life from a young age, an angst to fix everything and everyone, of calibrating myself to everything and everyone outside of me so that I will ‘fit in’ and be ok – which is totally controlling of everything and everyone around me, and totally exhausting as well! And doing this is supposedly to make me feel worthy but in fact what I am truly saying is that I don’t feel worthy – ouch! This awareness has only come about through attending Universal Medicine presentations…otherwise, by now, I would have been in a burnt out, exhausted heap totally irresponsible and oblivious as to how I had ended up that way!
Janina, thank you for blog, there are so many more things nowadays to distract ourselves with than ever before, television is an obvious one, then we are also able to escape within ourselves, we can be there in body, but in mind somewhere different, living a completely different life.
Good call about television Sally, most programs encourage you to check out which is when the real harm sets in as when we are unaware we are open to absorbing all sorts of energy, and others views and beliefs. Once we have checked out and not been discerning about what we let in it can dramatically change our behaviour.
Checking out and not wanting to feel…. Ah yes, words that are quite tender to me. Not wanting to feel the separation, the lack of truth and true presence … and yet then not choosing connection, truth and true presence for myself but rather reacting to the false and wanting to hide or escape. It feels like a very long held pattern and is, I feel, for many. Gently but consistently, I am allowing myself to feel again and realizing that I never really stopped, but simply distracted myself from taking responsibility for the choices that followed. And hence created more uncomfortable layers on top. I must say, the freedom I feel from liberating myself from this debilitating cycle is so worth it.
My father passed about five years ago having dementia. We feel his heart just forgot to beat one night. He had spent his whole life, the bits I was present with him growing up and the years after I left home, being a closed private person. No real emotions displayed except when watching sports on TV. I was on the road that allows you to forget why you were on the road to start with myself. I came home to myself before I started that journey. I know who I am and where I am going now and have now as you have said Janina ‘now choosing to engage in life’.
I understand what you have written here Janina; with dementia being diagnosed earlier than ever before it is no longer a problem just for the elderly. People are finding they are unhappy with their lives, but instead of finding other ways they are giving up and withdrawing from life. We all do this in little subtle ways as Janina has described. Make no mistake this is the road to dementia.
Thank you Janina… We all definitely have our own ways checking out, and it’s like the these neural pathways to dis-connection become more and more entrenched or worn, like a pathway through forest that is used again and again, and it takes a conscious choice to reconnect to change that well worn path of checking out. But it is definitely possible, but it is definitely a choice… And this is the choice that Universal Medicine continually offers.
It is so easy to check out. There are so many distractions to pull us away from feeling all there is to feel. Today I am sitting in a busy city hospital and have noticed in a full waiting room there are very few people with any sparkle in their eyes. I travelled on a tram to get here and felt the same. People have become frightened to connect or even to touch each other.
The difference I feel is that they have lost the joy of living. They are disconnected from pain but also from joy. It is not worth the trade off.
I also observe a lot more people having a ‘blank look’ or a stare going about their everyday business. This not just being reserved for the elderly either. Like you share Amanda it does feel like they have lost the joy of living. Seeing so many walking/cycling around listening on head sets another way of blanking out the world around them. The fun of communicating with another and expressing is being shut out of their everyday living. Is it a wonder that dementia is on the increase!
Today i shared in a group were we talk about people working with dementia. My experience and challenge to hold my connection steady even when people with dementia check out more and more. And that at times we react if we feel there is no connection. If we have experienced as children in our family not being met or connected to than this is a hurt we need to heal. So we don’t make holding our connection dependent on others.
Thank you for writing this blog Janina. I have worked with people who have dementia for a while and I have noticed that touching their hands helped them to slightly connect back to themselves and me a little sometimes. It showed me that feeling our body is the way to stay present and not go into our heads. We should focus on this for ourselves, for our kids, making our body the center instead of our minds.
This is what i experienced this week Katinka. As the lady with dementia i look after is checking out more and more which makes it difficult communication through talking is not working anymore. Last time when i visited here. I was stroking her back, later whilst sitting on a bench i sometimes stroke her hand tenderly. And it had an effect she was able to connect with me more and felt a little more present. And it supported me to hold the connection with her.
I agree Katinka, thank you Janina for writing this blog. It is calling out what we in society are not putting two and two together and truly linking the facts that when you check out in life, it does have consequences. We still want to believe that these types of illnesses ‘just happen’ to us. That it is solely our genetics, one will have a predisposition over another to contract such illnesses. What you have shared, helps us to ponder that this not the case. That how we live every day has an impact on what then manifests in our bodies.
If we not deal with our hurts (form our childhood ) we don’t want to actually feel ourselves and to be present. So we create a life where we can be busy with (what ever), distract and numb ourselves. The more we do the more painful it become not just what we have experiences but we start missing ourselves. As long as we hold on to the hurt we are not able to truly love and connect to our partner/wife/husband with love. So we miss ourselves the love that we are, we miss living love with our close ones and with the people we have contact.
So checking out becomes stronger and stronger …
Our quality of how we living has an effect on how we feel and how we will feel when we are old…
I to have lived this life of checking out, avoiding what is painful and covering up what hurts.
I have lived a life of always looking on the bright side, always being positive and “Pollyanna”.
This being a very strong momentum in my family
I watched my Mother die 2 years ago; tortured by severe dementia.
For the last few years I have taken responsibility for my checking out, and whilst not perfect, I am much more aware of when this happens.
Your blog Janina is a lovely reminder to keep on expanding and evolving in this area.
Reading an awesome blog like this and bringing the awareness of Dementia to so many and, the responses that I have read certainly gives us all a reality check in life of where we are actually ‘at’ in our own lives. If truthful, a nudge to be very aware of how we are living and to the many activities that we still take part in that even if only for a minute or two we switch off. Getting very engrossed and I speak for myself here in jobs that are an everyday activity. So easily done! An illness/disease always has a starting point and an end. Bringing awareness to this gives us all a choice of the path we want to take.
Your expression in this blog Janina has inspired me to ponder on the different ways I check out; and I am discovering that there are many!
I keep coming back to your blog and each time I am reminded of my Mother who had severe dementia; I am reminded of her patterns and behaviours that eventually lead to dementia.
Not surprisingly I had (and they occasionally rear their head) these patterns also.
However over the past few years, with support and greater self awareness, I have been able to respond to some situations very differently to my beloved Mother.
The mind set that illness and disease just happens to us is a set up so that we don’t have to take responsibility for the choices we have made in our lives and the impact these have had on our body and well-being. This allows us to then go into sympathy with those you are ill – which is a poor replacement for true connection with them which makes way for honesty and truth from which we can evolve. What Serge Benhayon teaches through Esoteric Medicine is that illness and disease does not happen to us, it comes from us as a way to arrest an energy that we have been living in. This is not a ‘self-flagellating’ approach where we blame ourselves and ‘take the fall’ – to take responsibility is truly liberating as it allows us to heal the root cause of our behaviour and choices – which in the bigger picture of things supports our next reincarnations. So instead of carrying an ill-momentum into our next life or lives our Soul says ‘deal with this now’ – this has to stop.. So illness and disease is not an enemy to be defeated but a teacher to be listened and responded to. This turns us from victims into agents of change – through the awareness and healing that illness and disease offers we can break long time patterns of living protected, held back and not in full expression.
So very well said Sarah – the truth laid bare.
What you share here Sarah is beautifully expressed and very true, I especially liked this line – ‘illness and disease is not an enemy to be defeated but a teacher to be listened and responded to’. Imagine the shift in illness and disease if humanity were open to hearing this truth offered.
I also have begun to consider why is it that I need to check out particularly at the end of the day with something like TV. Is it because there was something during the day that I found too uncomfortable to really feel what was going on? Is the choice to turn on the tv when I get home like my own private reward for getting through the day. This issue of checking out in whatever way we choose appears to becoming a significant issue so we have a choice now to look at the amount of presence we really live with.
Great question Jenny, The more connected I become and allow myself to rally feel what is going on these moments of wanted to check out become so exposed, even the turning on the news, etc
I also notice that lately the signs of me wandering off are getting clearer. I can feel my body tensing up, clenching my teeth and more than anything I start to feel lightheaded, sleepy even.
After reading your blog again I realized that now I am even more aware of how often and how severely I am not present. Even when I read something I catch myself drifting off or when I am just pondering on something. I believe this is starting to have an enormous effect on my memory, my ability to participate in discussions and with that my self-confidence. I can see how this habit can easily end up becoming dementia and I cannot afford to wander off in my mind any longer. Thanks for another wake up call Janina.
I too have realised how not present I am Ilja. I think I am present and then start a conversation in my head while I am driving. yesterday I was getting out of a narrow skirt and wobbled as my boot caught in the side of it. I slightly hurt my ankle which has now fully recovered. But where was the presence?. I even find myself typing without feeling the love of my fingers on the keyboard. Thank you for reminding me yet once again to dedicate to this body presence.
Thank you Lyndy for reminding me to notice how my fingers are touching the keyboard. Each thought has an impact on how we hold our bodies. Am I in a hurry, am I judging myself or others or do I choose to let myself just be?
Janina your writing brings such a powerful message for us all, the amount of time spent not engaging in life is in fact a contributor to us checking out and dissconecting from the realities of life. We all have or had those moments of drfting away from ourselves, i can catch myself doing it while even brushing my teeth, i am now more aware of the moments i drop out and bring awareness to those times and throughout my day.
Thank you for bringing this subject up for discussion.
Wow! – such a powerful blog Janina. You sum it up so accurately when you say “Dementia is not only a side effect of people getting old, it is a clear reflection of a society which is choosing to check out and distract as a normal way of being. And then, after doing that for years, they are ending up not wanting to feel how disconnected they have lived and finally want to escape from life completely.” This should be published on the front page of our newspapers worldwide.
Those statistics on dementia are shocking and that is only in Germany! It is great that you talk about how dementia can happen, which is nothing to do with getting old but more about checking out (not being present with what we are doing at the time) … on a daily basis. I have recently noticed how I am not present with what I am doing, I feel we are doing this more and more especially young people with all the different devices (x-box, iPads etc.). What has really been helping me with this is the conscious presence meditation lead by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine on the UniMed Living site.
I agree Vicky checking out is huge in our society. And most of us are not living fully present all day. Yesterday at work I was too racy and even I had a long break I did all sorts of things checking my email, some apps, called somebody but not really stopped. Only just before my break finished I layed down for 10 Minutes and stopped and it was that my body was waiting for that for hours. And it was great.
Since i don’t watch TV anymore this gives me the chance to stay more in touch with housework, my projects and paper work. So there is more of a commitment to live for me. TV was a big way of checking out and numbing away from life and an escape.
You are absolutely right Janinaelisa I have discovered that too. When I was younger television was a way to not feel emotional discomfort. These days I choose to feel everything there is to feel. It is very powerful to stop watching television and start committing to life.
Janina thank you for raising this issue, that is a staggering rise from 1.4million to 2.2 million by 2030. It is definitely something we should be looking into and addressing. It makes you realise the potential problems, when we are not living in our fullness every day.
Janina your comment: ‘Dementia is not only a side effect of people getting old, it is a clear reflection of a society which is choosing to check out and distract as a normal way of being. And then, after doing that for years, they are ending up not wanting to feel how disconnected they have lived and finally want to escape from life completely” sheds a new light on understanding Dementia for me. It reminds me to focus on the richness and fullness of my life when I am present with myself, letting my body feel the magic of what is happening in my live. Choosing to be with myself and others in this way is such a joyful way to live. So often I have checked out from this joyful way of living and focused on the negative things or even, just found ‘something’ to do that would numb me to save me from being fully present and enjoying the richness that this brings to me and to my partner. Your blog has reminded me of the importance and power of ‘presence’ in all that I do and I am.
“Maybe just being and feeling and sharing could help dementia.” Yes, Julia Manglano that would be a start to become more honest!
I wouldn´t be surprised if they discover the cause of dementia to be a certain food or pollution or something that does not challenge the way we think, and how disconnected people are when doing whatever task. Being fully in the body is such a joy and it is so rare, and does not last for long, normally it is difficult to sustain because we are so used to distractions of all sorts. Dementia has always been there but what is worrying (and I agree that we need to look at it) is the huge increase in numbers and the earlier onset of the disease. What is new and was not in our life when I was younger is the absolute overdose of distractions and screens and music and earphones and games and not been able to sustain conversations or silence for more than 1 minute. Just being has become old fashioned, you don´t see it. Maybe just being and feeling and sharing could help dementia.
Thank you Janina, This is a subject to be talked about. Dementia is a condition that one does not wake up one morning and can not remember. It is progressive deterioration and when you asked yourself how do you check out? It is a bridging thought to this condition.
This is a good point you make Concetta O’Donnell ” Dementia is a condition that one does not wake up one morning and can not remember. It is progressive deterioration..” it would make sense to become more honest as a society, how do we actually live every day? How is it possible that there is such a strong tendency to check out in many different ways?
And to understand that our daily choices have a hug effect on our well being and illness and disease.
Love the depth of wisdom in your reply Janina – honesty and living our truth is the key to combat illness and disease.
Well said Toni Steenson „ ..we can choose to live another way, one that we don’t want to check out from“. That means we have to look for honestly at all the areas of our live and see what is really working and what not and than makes changes.
Thank you Janina, for bringing through a huge subject that is little understood and certainly a growing problem. We can look at dementia as a natural process of ageing but no, some people get it quite young and it does not explain why other older people do not get it at all. The element you have brought in about living in a way where we are not present in the moment and connected with ourselves is very interesting. They say doing mental puzzles and activity helps, perhaps this is because it brings focus to the mind. Yet if we begin to notice the patterns of behaviour where we ‘check out’ or ‘zone out’ into tv, internet, tech games, or just in general life, living in a dream out of our bodies. we begin to see a larger picture of dementia and how being more connected and present in whatever we are doing could support us.
Its amazing to feel how much everyone really spends so much time checked out.
This blog is really for everyone.
So true Simon – how great that blogs like this are revealing to us what happens when habits like this (checking out) just creep up on us and being ware of what can result from this sort of behaviour. Also knowing that we can do something about it too.
So true Simon. Checking out is so normal that no-one thinks twice about it. It is a normal and accepted coping device in our lives. Whenever I get an opportunity I present a different point of view for the rise in dementia and when presented with this most people actually get it!
Janina, thank you for sharing your learning about Dementia. Where it really comes from, does make a lot of sense. It just shows again, how everything we do has it’s natural consequences. Dementia doesn’t happen overnight, just like a heart attack doesn’t just happen ‘out of the blue’.
‘We need to really start to ponder on what is going on here, and to start the discussion…. what has led us to this epidemic?’ There has recently much excitement in the research world about the treatment of early stage Dementia and spotting the early signs, yet no mention of looking at where those early signs arise from. This article would be a fantastic starting point for this discussion. Thank you Janina.
Thank you Janina for this great sharing of a problem that at the moment we only see the tip of the iceberg.
To make it all about love is to be aware that we are love and to live it, there is no greater presence to be consciously aware of in every day living.
This blog is great to come back to as it highlights for me my own way of living – with distractions. I work part time in a busy bakery and there is a lot to do. Sometimes I start one job but have to interrupt that to get something else done that is more urgent. Then I forget the first job and it is possible I end up with four jobs in hand and they all take ages to complete. My younger colleagues are much faster than me and I often wonder if it is my getting distracted that is slowing me down. Multi-tasking is not something I am good at – one thing at a time, with my mind fully focused on that task in hand is where I need to be and what I am working on. My mother lived to 94 with a ‘full set of marbles’ so I am wondering if I can do the same or is my distracted way of living an early indication of dementia? By focusing on how my body feels in everything I do is helping me to stay focused. We’ll see what happens over the next 30 years as I allow myself to feel more.
So so beautiful Janinaelisa. Other people in our lives are always a reflection and what a grace that is. Specifically with Dementia and checking out, it is true that we all participate in checking out to a greater or lesser degree. It is like a continuum or scale of illness and disease and we are all somewhere on that spectrum. Acknowledging that reflection in front of us we are reminded to come back to our presence and, as you have so beautifully said, ‘they can feel the love we love and share with them and that is deeply healing for everybody.’
I agree Lyndy that we are all somewhere on the spectrum here. What is amazing as Janina is showing here is the importance of staying present, Not only does it support us, it is deeply healing for everyone we meet.
Great blog Janina, this is a much needed discussion and I love the way you wind it back to where dementia begins, in the distractions and less obvious ways we leave ourselves. I totally agree with you here-
“My experience now is: the more I allow myself to feel the more aware I get”
It is a matter of being present in all areas of our lives, something that we can all build.
I sat for a while feeling into this part of a sentence ‘not to run and numb myself when I can feel some struggle or pain’ I have definitely run in the past and tried to hide the ‘pain’ to not feel discomfort and turned to the many ‘outlets’ (escapes) that have given temporary relief from actually feeling more deeply to the truth of what is going on. Prime example is using food, changing the subject or worse still going into silence and switch off from those bubbling feeling which led to the avoidance techniques in the first place. Could this be signs of symptoms that could worsen with age I ask myself! definitely ‘food for thought’. Thank you Janina dementia being a subject to be very much brought out into the open.
When I was young dementia was not so well known as it is today most of the elderly people I knew died suddenly of a heart attack or illnesses but I had very rarely heard of dementia. Today dementia is being diagnosed with people in their 40’s and 50’s, so it is not only on the increase but affecting people at a much younger age. People generally are living much more sedentary lives these days, retiring early, watching TV and reading the papers rather than being active in the community. Volunteering in a hospital I get to meet quite a few people with dementia of varying degrees but i have noticed if I truly meet them and make eye contact they will begin to interact with me and make eye contact too and I have had some lovely conversations with them, and their spark returns even if it is only for a short while.
This is also my experience Alison if you treat people with dementia open and loving there often respond to that. They can feel if you approach them with judgement or reaction.
really well written article! Thanks. Its such an important topic to talk about. Dementia is caused when we don’t want to feel or be a part of life and so we check out and escape our bodies. This is truly damaging because it not only hurts us it hurts all around us. Working in nursing homes I found it challenging to deal with patients with dementia. Its because I know the true person isn’t there.
It is challenging to work with patients with dementia I agree Harrison. For me it was that they reflected how I actually lived how much I check out myself. Being with patients with dementia the energy invites us to check out ourselves. But if we stay present they can feel the love we live and share with them and that is deeply healing for everybody.
Janina, this is a fabulous conversation to be having. The rise in dementia is not just about ageing-believing this totally is another way of checking out as we are not taking responsibility for how we are living- the “rush” we are living in. I have worked with people with dementia for a long time and have found that even though most of these people are older the checking out for them started years before they became “old”.
Being constantly present to everything that is going on for us is the key and is a daily work in progress for me!
Yes, Anne conscious presence is the key to our well being and health.
Fantastic blog Janina, it is interesting as we go through life to be more aware and be able to look at ourselves in a real honesty and admit what we do to check out. I used to eat food, that would be my first port of call. Things have changed with that now and as much as I always firstly think of food when there is something that comes up that I don’t want to feel, I at least can recognise that now and decide whether I really want to eat that food or not. I have noticed that I will choose other things in place though, so I have to keep coming back to feeling more.
I have the same Heidi. The moment i feel tension or uncomfortable i think of food.
Using food to override what i feel and taking responsibility for what i feel. But i also understood that i used food to dull and numb away the beauty and amazingness i actually bring. So checking out to avoid my own power and amazingness to reflect to the world and other people. To avoid feeling that there are jealous of me at all costs.
On the topic of checking-out on our phones… I was waliking on the street and I saw a small group of teenage girls walking along (dribs and drabs style) with a teacher also walking along. I wondered did the teacher connect with these young ladies while walking – perhaps enjoying a relaxed moment of chat away from the school environment. When a little closer I could see that the one young lady walking quite close to the teacher was actually doing things on her phone as she walked. Wow I though haven’t time changed (I’m 55!) however this is the normal type of activity for many people.
I also at time let myself get caught in the non stop checking my phone in a checked out state. It is natural for us all to be connected with other people and we all have the longing to do so but nowadays this happens a lot via email and what apps and this is just a replacement for the real love and connection we all want to live in with ourselves and with all others.
I agree Janina, we all crave connection but depending on how we use email, smart phones and messaging it may only be pseudo or virtual connection not real love.
“When I allow myself to feel all, I give myself permission to also feel the love and joy that I am and that is all around me: I now finally have felt this very clearly too.” Great observation Janina – this is absolutely key to make changes to our choice to stay present or check out. I have found that I when I become aware that I have been checking out in some way I can be very hard on myself, not allowing myself to focus on and feel the love that I truly am, which only further compounds the choice to check out. It’s like a domino chain reaction that only stops when I choose to stop and feel back to the divine being I truly am. By being more loving and understanding with ourselves we can easily then start to make more lasting changes that are made from choosing to stay true to ourselves and not from a punishment for choosing to check out.
The statistics you share on dementia are staggering. I wonder if we will see any correlation between dementia and the use of paying electronic and internet games that so many people participate in? Certainly, paying electronic games takes you away from being present with yourself…
Just watching people in cafes on their electronic devices when sharing a coffee begs the question how present and connected are we with each other?
I agree Janina – this is certainly becoming an epidemic, and we see so many people (from a very young age) checked out on their technology devices…does this mean dementia will start affecting people at a much younger age in the near future?
“I realized that I used checking out as a way to avoid taking responsibility for everything I am aware of.”
Awesome revelation Mary-Louise! As we feel everything we have the choice to check out or to become honest and take responsibility for what we feel.
This indeed is another layer, taking responsibility for what we feel. It is not enough to simply develop presence and be aware of what we are feeling, what are we being asked to do or live from what we observe and feel.?
I too have been really focused on being in my body and not running with the million thoughts that go on in my head. This has made a huge difference to my overall awareness, I am seeing and feeling things that I did not when I was checked out. I realized that I used checking out as a way to avoid taking responsibility for everything I am aware of.
When we are offered the possibility of such a clear reflection of lives of people who choose to check out to avoid being there, it is difficult to simply say this is them. The problem is that this may not be true and even if no one knows, the truth remains. We do know.
Throughout our lives every minute of every day we are given choices – and choosing to ‘stay present’ is certainly one of them. This great blog really highlights how easy it is for us to to become disconnected and escape life allowing ourselves within doing the simplest of activities to get ‘lost’ or loose concentration in our every day pursuits – for example I was washing up looking out of my kitchen window at nature with no concentration (not staying present) on the job at hand. Yes very quickly I brought my attention back but that was one moment and as we know these moments can grow if allowed too. Thank you Janina a great blog and one which brings the importance of staying present in all that we do.
When we switch off, we become disconnected, when we are connected, we are switched on. Looking at what switches us off and importantly why this is so through understanding ourselves, and, as you share in your great examples here Janina really is the key. When we don’t seek to truly understand, we are only switching off by selecting that button of disconnection or checking out. So understanding brings connection. Simple. Beautiful.
This is the first time I have seen dementia being referred to as an epidemic. It is! It is now in most if not all countries and is rising! Clearly there is something as a global race we are choosing not to see about how we are choosing to live.
Thank you Janina for starting this much needed conversation and bringing attention to this epidemic that is plaguing us and our elderly – that essentially robs us the opportunity to have the lived wisdom that is possible, shared with us from our elders. This also reflects how valuable it is for all when we choose to take responsibility in how we chose to live.
This is powerful Carola what you say. In the rise of dementia with our elderly we do miss out so much: “that essentially robs us the opportunity to have the lived wisdom that is possible, shared with us from our elders”. We can learn so much from our elderly but only if they are present and commit to life.
It is so strange how dementia and other forms of mental and physical illness are rising and so few people are really asking what is going on and instead thinking of it as just a part of life. It is great in this blog that the questions are asked and that this relates back to all our lives and that when I am choosing to not be present at times, how I can then ask what is going on for myself, instead of just accepting it.
Dementia is on the rise at a time when we have more technology and more distraction from real life than ever before, this cannot be a coincidence. It amazes me that this is never considered a causal factor but instead we go looking for complicated theories about the brain and label the disease a mystery. Universal Medicine offered a very simplistic yet completely obvious (in my view) , reasoning for this disease, one that is at the very least worthy of greater consideration. The question is do we want to know.
I know Stephen, it seems like a big pill to swallow, but it is one that we’ll eventually have to get used to. That we do have a say in the making of all sorts of conditions arising in our body.
Stephen, I could not have said it better myself. Science has shown that the early warning signs for dementia actually start much earlier in life than was originally thought. I watched someone close to me suffer from dementia, and it did not set in really until she gave up on life after her husband died. After that point she quickly deteriorated over a 6 month period.
This is so true Stephen, ‘Dementia is on the rise at a time when we have more technology and more distraction from real life than ever before, this cannot be a coincidence’, dementia as most illness and disease are treated as a mystery and huge amounts of money are spent on research and trying to find a cure and yet as I learned from the presentations held by Universal Medicine the root cause is usually very simple and obvious if we are willing to be honest and look at how we are living.
Great question Stephen ..”do we want to know”? Do we want to know the real cause for our illness and diseases? Do we want to become honest about the way we live every day? Is this confronting us with a way of living which actually doesn’t feel right and were we rather cope, arrange and find way to feel better or not to feel how we actually feel.
Thank you Matts and Willem, the questions you both pose are definitely worth pondering. I have been observing recently how often I check out during the day, and it is has been quite exposing at times. Your amazing blog Janina and the comments above are certainly supportive and inspiring me to bring about true change to this behaviour which is detrimental to our health and well-being.
Awesome that you have started this very much needed conversation, Janina.
My first position out of University was researching the causes of dementia and I also was horrified by the nature of this disease, seeing our elders totally ‘gone’ or, at best, only able to speak of their past. It is definitely something we need to address collectively, as a society. I love how you addressed your patterns of checking out and were able to stay present with the elderly lady: what a beautiful reflection for her. Beautiful.
Which for me reminds us that we are at least two folded – we have a body and there is a being living inside that body which affects the body.
Hi Janina, your blog is amazing in its reflection back about ourselves constantly checking out in life. I too did this constantly, and left myself in the wake of feeling uncomfortable in lots of scenarios and situations. I too work with elderly and people with Dementia, it’s a great marker now to feel were I am with myself and about how I feel when I am with them, no more running from feeling uncomfortable, I bring my awareness back to my body and I choose to breath gently and keep my self open with love to everyone at work. Yes the energy is strong to run or eat certain comfort foods – I am still mastering this to stay present with what is happening. Thankyou so much I feel supported by your truth here to stay with myself.
Beautiful Karen, ‘no more running from feeling uncomfortable, I bring my awareness back to my body and I choose to breath gently and keep my self open with love to everyone at work’, I also work with someone who has dementia and feel how important it is that I am present with myself and not checked out, I offer a real steadiness to him and can feel that this supports him to be more focussed and less confused.
How awesome that you are holding yourself in your gentleness and so can stay present with the elderly, Karen: that’s inspiring! Being a beacon of love in your workplace: totally gorgeous.
Your presence at the homes for elderly people with dementia is so important Janina. It is not normal to end up with dementia at the ending of our lives although it looks like society has accepted that this is a normal part of becoming old for a growing group of people. You being in these homes will present this as a reflection every time you walk around. By walking with all who you are you say to everybody that to end up with dementia is not normal and should not be accepted as such. You express to them that they are that much more than what they are living in this moment. You understand that they have given up on life and have chosen to distract themselves from the responsibility that living our lives brings with it. By walking around with all who you are you show them that it is possible to live a responsible life, that they are equally to you and also can choose for a life like this. We have the power to do this when we are connected to the source of love and are living our lives knowing that everything is about energy and everything is because of energy.
So beautiful expressed Nico, thank you.
This blog and all these comments are truly getting to the real cause of dementia – checking out. No more money should be wasted on researching this drug or that drug until they look at what is being presented here.
On UK television they are at present showing a three part programme on people with Dementia.
The doctor who is a leading expert in dementia care, runs a groundbreaking workshop for families who care for their loved ones suffering from dementia.
The doctor delves in peoples past to reveal how reliving shared memories, can help to restore bonds, that they have lost. The staff who care for the patience, are so loving and understanding.
This is so true Janina, ‘We need to really start to ponder on what is going on here, and to start the discussion…. what has led us to this epidemic?’
What I have enjoyed reading in this article is how no matter the fact that a person may be elderly and experiencing dementia, there is still the opportunity to have new and meaningful relationships with people like yourself, who care and are willing to give their time.
This is a powerful article Janina and highlights how important maintaining that connection to ourselves actually is. I love the sharing and insights of everyone contributing on this blog; there is so much wisdom here on offer; I’ll be checking out just how I check out!! Thank you for starting the conversation on Dementia Janina and for outlining here very clearly the real cause and effect of this dis-ease in the body.
I am talking to neighbours about dementia and I can feel there is in openness to understand what dementia is really about.
As so many people are concerned having relatives in their own family. It is a phenomena which we can not avoid anymore as it is so right in our face that we need to look closer what is really going on in our society that so many people are checking out completely or partly that they are not able to care for themselves anymore at some stage.
It is also not something we can simply relate to “old age”. I have talked to nurse in a home for people with dementia there are two people who got dementia with mid 50’s and end of 50’s their are both completely absent.
That it is not something we need to be scared about when we getting old ourselves determined by our choices we made.
Janina, this checking out business is huge. It is not just us checking out – how are we doing things, is it to numb ourselves or is it to express ourselves but it is also how we walk, how we eat, how we sit down – pretty much every movement. It made a huge difference when I stopped to routinely read while I was eating, another way to check out.
I realized to a deeper degree that in choosing certain food to stimulate my nervous system is also part of checking out to avoid what i feel and need to deal with in my life.
In choosing to check out we all miss out so much because we are keeping ourselves away from
the deeper connection we can have with ourselves and the quality of stillness and beauty that we truly are.
What a wonderful blog you have written Janina and everyone’s comments. I totally relate to what you are saying about checking out and not staying with my body in everything I do and say. I started to ponder when did I actually start to check out and I got back to a very early age when I used checking out as a way to cope with life, as my of expression and sensitivity was not the accepted way in our family.
However I love now, that I am much more aware of checking out in my daily life and the coming back to self is a wonderful choice to be in presence.
What a powerful blog Janina about dementia and checking out. The statistics in Australia, like Germany, show dementia sufferers are projected to rise at an alarming rate. The statistics are scary as I doubt the infrastructure to handle the emotional and financial costs and all of the implications of dementia are in place. The mainstream solution is to look for a cure without truly wanting to know the cause and preventative suggestions are popping up – there will probably be an onslaught of these in the future. Serge Benhayon and this blog make understanding the root cause of dementia so simple – when I first heard it, it just made sense. As you have write about so well Janina, choosing to stay present, stay present with what we feel and be responsible to this is what we all need to hear more about.
Not checking out is something that I have been working with and it makes sense that it could lead to dementia and is quite a worrying realisation. Especially as I used to check out big time with the tv, my thoughts as in daydreaming and basically living in a fantasy world. The worst time for me I found was lying around in bed of a morning and snuggling up into my duvet, the want to daydream was so seductive and so familiar – it wouldn’t surprise me if it was addictive.
Now if I catch myself having drifted off I notice a lot quicker and remind myself to stay present with what I am doing at that moment – this for me is definitely a work in progress.
Great observation Julie – checking out and day-dreaming is so seductive, and seem so ‘harmless’. It is most certainly a comfort place we go to, in order to avoid being present to the reality of what the body presents – whether that be raw or stupendous. It would make sense that anything that wasn’t full presence is an addiction of some sort.
I think that any behaviour or activity we use repeatedly and compulsively to change how we feel in the moment is a type of addiction. It is a no brainer why we don’t want to feel negative states like sadness, depression and anger, whilst good feelings or states we want to intensify with addictive behaviours and activities.
Powerful, Julie. In the education system, I have heard, at times, daydreaming regarded as a harmless, endearing trait and / or one that stimulate creativity. It is neither of these and is in fact another type of checking out from reality, as you say. It is most certainly NOT a trait to be encouraged at any age.
It is indeed a conversation we need to be having Janina. Thank-you for your thoughtful and insightful blog here on dementia. I read an article recently that highlighted the expected rise in this condition in Australia – and the figures are alarming. There is also concern over it affecting people at younger ages, and how businesses may handle this – for example, with adjusted work roles, dealing with potential of being sued for mistakes made on the job…
Facilitating a singing group in an aged care facility for several months now, I also get to see first hand the effects of checking out and dementia – and yet also and profoundly… how many with this condition can develop more presence and engagement in life and activity. It is truly beautiful when this occurs, and has taught me so much about how no matter what, we can ourselves always offer true connection and a steadfast presence to another. The response can blow your mind…
Is it possible that checking out is highlighting the fact that we choose a way of living (an energy) in that we don’t really want to be aware of what is going on because it feels horrible.
So what if there is another way to live another energy to choose which honors, nurtures and celebrate the love and beauty we equally have within. Now it is for me about relearning to choose awareness and even very challenging at times…and letting go of this very old pattern of checking out and NOT taking responsibility. Reclaiming my full commitment to life.
Janina your blog really highlights for me the chance to go deeper with where I too check out in different aspects of my day. “When I allow myself to feel all, I give myself permission to also feel the love and joy that I am and that is all around me:.” This line is a perfect reminder of why returning to our selves is what makes life joyfully rich with love and worth coming back too. Thank you.
This is a great observation you make Janina through such honest critique of yourself. What you have learnt and the questions raised should be widely broadcast to the general public as so many are unaware of what is going on.
Hello Janina and a great topic to discuss. I enjoyed the relationship you bring between how we have been living as a society and this epidemic dementia. I agree there is strong links to how we live and it’s influence on how things are or how ‘you’ end up. I’m glad to hear you are bringing this to the elderly people you see as well. What if we all took this responsibility you are having to life? I think there would be a big change in how things are. I love that you have started this conversation because from here there will be a bigger conversation about this and change will come. Let’s keep talking and in time we all will be talking about this, thank you Janina.
Thank you Willem, I like the honesty of how you share your experience in the comments you wrote. I agree with you “checking out is not innocent” and one situation of checking out brings more of the same and choosing presence and awareness also brings more of the same. I understand to a wider extend how much harm we do to ourselves and all of us around in checking out and how much energy we need to sustain this way of checking out. The more we check out the more we miss ourselves and this gets a vicious circle- but we can break this old way of being.
Learning to stay with ourselves and not checking out of life should be something that should be part of our education. I have learnt that life is for living to the full and for committing wholeheartedly.
This is such a power-full blog I have re-read it after a couple of months and there is more for me to see and relate to my own life. I used to think dementia only happened to older people and something I didn’t need to worry about, it is happening to younger people more and more, so starting this conversation is a valuable and important sharing. This part of your blog stood out for me and I am feeling inspired to look more deeply into my patterns of checking out – “I could feel how long I have lived avoiding to truly feel what is going on within and around me – so I started to realise that giving up and checking out is very familiar to me. I have not been taking responsibility for how I live and I have not been wanting to feel what I was feeling.”
Absolutely Julie.
Hi Janina, Reading this today and especially the section on ‘how do I check out’ has given me something to really look at – how am I still checking out in my life with distraction’s like tv or food and as well as being more open to truly connect with people as you are doing with the people you meet who have dementia, so thanks for the prompt.
All we really want is connections with others and to be loved. So inspiring to read your openness and willingness to be this with others – It’s amazing what this can do for ones health.
Yes, who would have thought that this thing that we definitely drag around with us everywhere we go and use and abuse so that we can indulge in all of life’s thrills, numbing, and distractions, could also, when treated with the respect it deserves, be the vessel for huge joy, love and harmony, and an absolute gift to expressing who we innately are in full. Go figure.
I agree Janina,
Dementia is a huge issue in our society and one that needs to be addressed by educating people when they are much younger with blogs like yours on how we can prevent or lessen the likelihood of the disease as we.age
Janina what you say here really resonates with me which is about feeling, your words here: ” …and I have not been wanting to feel what I was feeling”. From my experience and from young, I stopped seeing (and having eye problems at aged 5, and wearing glasses aged 18) as a way to not then feel (what I felt about life/family) to then not see more – of the truth of what was going on and how unhappy and shut down in expression of not just how I was in myself, but also the people in my life at the time. Closing our eyes to not be able to feel is checking out and a road towards dementia. Opening our eyes to see – ourselves, and get to know who we are, and how we feel, allows us to see and feel the exact same in another. What an awesome and responsible job you have Janina!
Thanks Janina for a thought provoking blog. Dementia is becoming such a common thing and it is poorly understood in a holistic sense. Your presentation supports me to clearly see the pathways that lead to dementia and how self responsibility for stopping myself checking out starts now.
It is amazing that you are getting us all to look at dementia and what is really going on, rather than just accepting this is normal and happens to old people.
What a way to spend the last years of ones life, and whether one believes in reincarnation or not, how is the next incarnation going to be if we end our last incarnation completely numb and checked out?
Thank you Janina for sharing your insights.
Many of us have expressed how we have or still are checking out during our day. It is because of blogs like this that bring our attention to that fact that, the dementia numbers are ever growing and we can choose to connect more deeply with ourselves to prevent the onset of this dis-ease. Thank you Janina – I have become so aware of not only myself when I have a ‘switch off’ moment but also observe it so much around me within my own family.
You raise very good points here Janina in a way that makes sense.
Thank you Janina for showing how we can take responsibility now in our lives to either prevent or lessen the likelihood of a disease as we age. I am learning that choosing to not check out actually means choosing to stay with me no matter what I may be feeling inside.
It is easy to see how we can choose dementia by checking out and essentially giving up on ourselves and what life has to offer. Choosing to stay present has changed my life, from one of withdrawal and giving up on life to practising staying present and choosing to be an active participant in this life I am living. The benefits are huge and not only to our mental state but our physical well-being also.
I can so relate to what you have shared here with us Gill – “It’s a disease, Its genetic or can’t be helped’ that’s how it is”. Within my own family for example from heart disease to back pain the familiar response being “well it is in the family genes” or “your grandmother had that!” as if whatever the health situation is, is acceptable. Passing all blame/responsibility onto someone else.
In the past I had my daughter ask me ‘ where have you gone mum’ I had a habit of withdrawing and fading myself out of the conversation especially in groups. If I look back it was a choice not to be present and participate, it was easier to not engage and thus be left in my own world lost in my own thoughts.
I now realise I didn’t think I had anything to say and doubted my ability to have any worthwhile contribution to the conversation. This had come about over many years of not feeling enough and being ridiculed when I spoke …. often my words were ‘ the butt of the joke ‘ and my confidence plummeted and I honestly didn’t feel safe to speak.
People laugh at me now when I tell them I once felt uncomfortable to have a conversation, it obviously no longer part of me. I have now recovered my expression and the part of me that I chose to shut off by being in conscious presents in all that I do and healing the hurts and fear that had me choose to withdraw. I have my self back and my natural expression.
Was it possible by choosing to stay in the hurts and mistrust I was choosing to not engage fully in life … I was choosing dementia.
Thank you for sharing Merrilee, it would be amazing if you could write a blog about what you have experienced, I would love to read more about it!! Very inspiring!
Beautiful Merrilee, I could relate totally what you shared here, especially the part of fading myself out of the conversation within groups and actually just fading out in general and hiding, hiding myself by not expressing, and if I am not seen I held the belief I would be safe, which I now know was such an untruth. I have found my expression again and I love to express which is a way to keep me present as my long standing habit was to fade and check out which would have led me to dementia at some point had I not reconnected to my body and developed a relationship with myself again through self care and self appreciation which I consistently work on every day.
‘Dementia is not only a side effect of people getting old, it is a clear reflection of a society which is choosing to check out and distract as a normal way of being. And then, after doing that for years, they are ending up not wanting to feel how disconnected they have lived and finally want to escape from life completely.’
Thank you for this clear description of what is behind dementia. It helps to understand what is going on with people that have dementia, and that dementia actual does not just occur when we are old or older but that it is something that starts way before.
So true Esther, it is a reflection of years of checking out and the tricky thing is, it’s what is considered not just normal, but desirable. Many of the things we ‘check out’ over are considered part of relaxing, taking a break, time-out etc. And many more are symptomatic of the need to not feel what is going on around us, or within us.
A great blog on this rising ill. Awareness & honesty are vital if we are going to call this out. Driving is a “check out zone” for me, where my body is in auto pilot and my mind elsewhere. Often i would begin to feel tired as my body began to react to being constantly catapulted elsewhere by my thoughts. Thanks to Serge Benhayon and his presentations on conscious presence I am now more aware of this pattern and through simply breathing or often singing I can re-connect to myself, to the present.
Thank you Janina for starting a necessary conversation. It is incredible how there are many illnesses where ‘old age’ is accepted as the reason behind these occurring however as not everyone ends up checked out at the end of and during life is it not worth looking at how these people are living? I have come to see that how I am living now has an impact on the quality of my next days, months and years ahead. This has happened as a result of meeting Serge Benhayon and feeling the consequences of choosing to check out and go with my mind and ignore my body. This means I do not feel disempowered to what old age will bring. I did not contract cancer because I reached a certain age it was because of my choices, and it is the same with dementia or any other illness.
Yes Julie, i agree lots of illnesses are related to getting old and not seen as part of the way we are living. But in regards to dementia this explanation doesn’t work anymore as the numbers of younger people getting dementia is increasing too.
‘An activity like surfing the internet itself is neutral, but it was the quality I chose to do these activities in’ this is a good point – there are many activities we may need to take part in but the quality of how we are and our ability to stay connected with ourselves is crucial. This is a great article, Janina, much to reflect on in terms of how often I check out and the different ways I choose to do that. I can see how easily that can lead to dementia.
I worked with people with dementia as part of a research programme 30 years ago and, as far as I am aware, our understanding of the aetiology of this disease has progressed but little in that time. It is a confronting condition and is highly disturbing to family and friends of the sick person when they are not even recognised by them. Perhaps we should be casting our net wider to look for the cause of this disease, given that the stats listed here indicate an alarming increase.
Is it possible it is actually all down to our penchant for leaving ourselves rather than staying present with us in all that we do?
There are many meditations and other practices that encourage people to go into their mind to visualise the future, to manifest what they want for themselves or to go back into the past to heal a situation or event – all done from the head, not in consideration of the body. All of these practices are encouraging people to not be present and to not be fully connected to their body and to their life. I’m now considering that these practices are a form of checking out and therefore contributing to a person having dementia later in life.
Yes, I agree Sandra everything that makes us to be in our head and not feeling our bodies is checking out.
My father had Alzheimer’s disease and I remember a period of time when he was suffering a lot of back pain and was distressed and disorientated. The nurses looking after him were struggling to find ways to support him. I decided to share the gentle breath meditation which I had learned on the Universal Medicine workshops I had attended and when I did, my father became very present, the agitation fell away and his pain settled. It was beautiful to witness and the nursing staff were amazed. It became a regular part of his care and something he enjoyed. It was really beautiful to enjoy those moments of stillness with him in which we were both present. I remember him once saying “I am sorry I have not any news for you today.” When I replied “It is lovely just to be sitting with you” I could see his body let go of the need to battle with himself and he gave me a warm smile – a moment of connection for us both.
Doug that is fantastic what you are sharing and yes an epidemic is on the horizon! I also have brought my awareness and focus to being consciously present in the way I go about my life and Serge Benhayon has been the one that has introduced this way of living with what he presents through Universal Medicine. The gentle breath meditation is an awesome support for this.
As someone with a family member who got very bad dementia it is close to home yet the extent of dementia is something that I had not fully grasped. We look at statistics within a country (and they shock) yet if we added up people with dementia on a worldwide basis it would more than fill an entire country. That is a scary thought and as others have shared with younger and younger people getting dementia we need to really look at how we as a whole society are living, why is it that so many people want to check out and escape from life? Perhaps a lack of trust, maybe a dissolution over not feeling the innate love we know is missing in nearly all expressions? Whatever the reason it’s an important article to read and feel that through a willing commitment to engaging in life the rates of dementia can be turned around, Living medication instead of waiting until it’s too late.
Thank you Janina for the the profound insight you give that through your connection with the lady with dementia prompted you reflect on your own ‘checking out’ as that is an inspiration for us all.
After reading this I went away for a bit to reflect on just how normal checking out in my life is and it’s rather scary to consider every moment where my mind is not present in what I am doing is a check out and thus a distraction from what I am feeling. But I am learning that being present is not an instant, magic wand style process, re-learning to be comfortable and accepting of what I feel after years of training myself to not express what I am feeling at all costs is not an overnight job. At the same time getting frustrated at the fact of noticing that I check out so much is just another distraction and so carries on the cycle of checking out. What I have found to help was to actually stop during the day and just feel, regardless of what is there and to just acknowledge and accept what I feel in that moment. Once upon a time the idea of stopping to feel would bring up so much reaction and drama and emotion to avoid going there, and that still does happen but its hold becomes less and less the more I choose to be consistent and accept that feeling is not something to avoid or reject. And when it does come up now I can, from having the experience that feeling is no big deal, see that the frustration and distractions are just there to avoid being more aware to how sensitive I am to what I can’t stop feeling. Thank you for opening up this discussion Janina.
I have known a number of people with Dementia and in doing so have been told a number of ways to prevent it. Keeping an active mind such as doing a crossword or sudoku every day and including huge amounts of broccoli in the diet are a couple of so called ‘remedies’. None of these have felt to be true preventions to Dementia. Perhaps checking out and closing off to life are areas that could be explored as possible causes for Dementia.
What is often not discussed in relation to dementia is that it is also a young person’s illness. The rapid deteriation may set in later in life but the checking out starts very very young. Why? Because most adults are checking out or finding ways to distract themselves and this is what we reflect back to our younger generations.
Yes, I wonder just how young. I can’t help but notice the difference between those adults chatting to their little ones and those who are attempting to manoeuvre the pushchair or shopping trolley one handed, the other hand holding a mobile phone to their ear.
A great reminder Vicky of the responsibility we have for what we are reflecting to others by the way we live our own lives.
I too am becoming more aware of the times I am distracted and cut off from living in the present moment. I can understand the link to constantly checking out leading to dementia. Although, I wonder if there is another contribution to the climb of dementia as the role of elder energy and wisdom is not acknowledged or recognised as important in today’s society. Are we as a society in part responsible for cutting the elderly off as old, sick and useless? Could it be as simple as you say Janina, to stay present, not react and connect in a loving way.
Kathy, I agree deeply there is a strong consciousness about “elder energy and wisdom is not acknowledged or recognised as important in today’s society”- and a trend that being young and fit is great and getting older is not really great. I feel it also has to do with not wanting to deal with the aspect of dying and death which older people reflect – this is still a taboo in our society most of us don’t want to face that they are dying at some point.
I am learning to appreciate at a deeper level what beauty and experience ours elders bring to us and also to express to them how much they are needed in playing their part within the different generations, everybody needs to play their part.
Wow Ariana that is a good point you share here . . . I was definitely guilty of that – I loved this “holidays” they were my reward so to speak and it was exactly as you wrote – it was harder to come back to who you are!!!!
Janine I thank you for your research into dementia. This is something that I have been wondering about more of late as I get older. Often at night I decide to watch a little of a TV show I like that is a series but within about 20 minutes I find my eyes have closed and I have missed parts of the show. I am aware that I then need to turn off the TV and get myself to bed this is the self nurturing thing to do. If I wake up a little more and start to watch the show again the same thing happens. To ignore my body’s way of telling me it needs sleep is certainly disregard – this is what I am working on at present. And to be fully present at all times.
It is beautiful learning to honor, listen and appreciate our body what it tells us and to choose presence as much as possible..than we get to know how we truly are and that we have everything we need right inside us. To be able to experience the beauty we all are and how power-full is possible when we stay in and with our bodies.
What you’ve described Roslyn is very, very common. The beautiful thing is that our bodies tell us ‘hey, I’m tired, I need to sleep’ and we override this by staying longer on the couch watching more TV and wake in the morning feeling less than what we could be. My experience has been that by breaking this cycle and going to bed earlier, the quality of my sleep improved and subsequently, waking in the morning, I feel fresh. This then impacts on how I am in my day – more vital, more present and more energy … and on goes the cycle.
Yes, I can relate Roslyn, our bodies are constantly communicating with us, and giving us an oppportunity to listen.
Checking out is something I have been trying to be more aware of – I know what it feels like talking to someone when you know they are not there with you in the conversation. If people were honest about what they felt they would also be aware of how much checking out goes on in their lives. A great discussion thanks Janina.
Janina could it be that all of us that check out from how we are feeling are having mini moments of dementia that can potentially be strung together to form a diagnosable state of dementia ?
Yes, Alexis I catch myself at times when I am not present and have let myself go that I get dizzy and confused state where I don’t know if I just locked the door and what I am doing….that feels for me as a mini moment of dementia..and I know how it feels after being with people with dementia and in cases were I have absorbed or reacted if I go shopping after I really have to strongly focus where I am and what I do.
I have this same experience Janina as if I do not know how to focus anymore, quite scary actually but it is giving me a very clear message to come back to my body and connect to present time with all of me.
I love re-reading this blog, because it is a ‘kick up the butt’ reminder that we are 100% responsible for every choice we make to check out and not deal with the tension that we feel in our bodies from not living all that we can be.
“When I allow myself to feel all, I give myself permission to also feel the love and joy that I am and that is all around me: I now finally have felt this very clearly too.” and this is what we can bring to people who lost the sparkle in their eyes. The joy of living our whole self as you say Janina. In my experience people are losing this sparkle in their eyes younger and younger with but also without dementia. There is a tendency to give up on life in very different ways, we have found the way to live who we truly are and we can share this with humanity.
Yes Annelies I agree with you. Many young people are very given up already, we need to become more honest about how we are living and what truly supports us and what does not. People need to know there is another way than simply to accept misery and checking out. There is a way to live love and joy everyday and it is available for all who choose to now! Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and the Student Body.
Janina, it feels like you being in that nursing home and supporting this elderly lady is a divine blessing for everyone who is there. There is a commonly held belief that dementia just happens when we get older if we’re that bit unlucky and that resignation is seen in the eyes and bodies of those people affected by it as you so aptly describe here. But what if demential is not something that just happens, but something that takes place quietly over time if we choose to live constantly checked out, in our heads, in some form of escape from the here and now? And maybe, just maybe, those elderly people that you interact with, can catch a glimpse from your own awareness and full presence that being right here in the now, and not escaping, is actually very OK, indeed a huge joy, and that life doesn’t have to be a misery and something we give up on, but something we can brace with all of us and live our lives in full until our dying breath.
Thank you Katerina for sharing – beautiful and touching to read your comment and to feel what we all bring to the world if we choose to be the love that we are and not to shy away from it. To let other people feel (people with our without dementia) like you described, it is actually beautiful to be present, aware and connected with your body.
This is beautiful Janina how you describe you are “presenting your whole self, staying mentally present, not reacting yet connecting in a loving way with the lady with dementia”.
This sums up my work in progress at this time and describes clearly, how to be with myself and others.
A new way of living and loving for all humanity.
Thank you Janina for the insight you have offered and presented about dementia. It certainly does appear to be an epidemic and not something that we should accept as just a part of aging. I agree that it comes down to our responsibility in how we choose to live and the quality of presence we chose to live with. This is an important message and a much needed reminder and reflection that there is another way to live.
Dementia is a lingering decline and a way for passing through life that seems to have nothing going for it except avoiding life itself. I’m sure if people became aware of how devastating checking out was to our mental health they might start to choose differently. I’ve been working with dementia patients and yesterday I had the deepest experience yet for how our own self-connection makes a difference with connecting to people with dementia. Never think it’s too late for these people to be reached, regardless of how they appear to present. More and more as I work with these people there are direct and immediate responses from them, connecting back to me. There is a spark that is still with-in them just waiting for the light to reflect.
That is a beautiful experience you have shared Sandra – and one which I guess highlights that everything is a choice in each and every moment. Life reflects much which we don’t want to observe – but checking out to it is not the answer. Ultimately, if we are being hurt by what we are seeing and don’t like, then the check out has to be the disconnection to ourselves. What a shame, when we are all in essence amazing, awesome individuals.
Around me where I live, everyone believes that Alzheimer’s disease and old age dementia are a fact of life and that it is almost impossible to avoid. It then becomes very important to raise the awareness on what life is actually about.
Yes Maryline it is very important to raise awareness that dementia is not just another illness society’s accept to be inevitable with no questions asked. This belief held by people undermines any responsibility any individual could choose to make if they are actually given the facts.
It seems to me that caring for members of our communities who are experiencing dementia is a social responsibility that we all share, and so to have a general awareness of how to give effective care is a necessary part of community education.
Thank you Janina for sharing your experience with dementia.
I was once told that 95% of the people on this planet are not living here. They are either fixated with the past or constantly worried about the future and none of them were ever in the presence of life. If the majority of people live in such a manner,what is it about this life, that everyone is escaping from?
When you look around these days, all you see is people being distracted by mobile phones, engrossed in excited conversation, or just day dreaming off in their head. (a favourite for me in the past) We don’t seem to want to just be with ourselves or another without something between us to fill the gap. It seems we don’t feel enough being ourselves and so have to surround ourselves with bells and whistles to complete our picture. Such a waste when there is so much delight-full love within each of us, just waiting for the moment when we say yes to it and invite it back into our lives.
When dementia is reported there is a lot of confusion surrounding its causes and what is really going on. It seems strange that the link to the presence and commitment we give life is not accepted as a possibility, particularly when we consider that dementia is the playing out of a complete lack of presence.
Dementia is certainly something that needs attention and addressing. As a society we are checking out – and dementia is being diagnosed in younger and younger patients. We start by taking stock of our own lives, as you have Janina, and continue to talk about it whenever we get the opportunity. The rising statistics are a clear indication that a huge “wake up” call is needed.
It wasn’t until Universal Medicine that I contemplated the possibility that dementia is about the ongoing choices throughout life to not be present and aware with ourselves. However it makes sense to me from the physiological point of view that ‘use it or loose it’ applies here. There must be a physiological function of the brain that is exercised when we are present, with our bodies (the sense and feel of them), during our daily activity. In fact I can recall reading studies on measuring of brain patterns that noted changes when self awareness was being exercised through meditation. So, is it possible that there is a yet to be verified cause of Dementia simply based on not using a certain function of our brain, designed to keep us present in each moment and encouraging harmony in body and mind, that atrophies when not being used to an extent? This would explain the predisposition to dementia in people who drink heavily and other forms of brain numbing behaviour.
That makes so much sense Simon. Great comment.
That Dementia stems from a behavioural pattern of lack of conscious presence and a closing down on wanting to feel and know what is happening seems clear – and so there will be a record of this physical imprint in the brain and perhaps other parts of the bodily system. At some point that should come to light and be scientifically measured.
Very well said, Simon. Yes it would be amazing to have a study that linked dementia unquestionably to an accumulative lack of conscious presence as it makes so much sense, and again brings the responsibility back to the individual rather than seeing dementia as something that just ‘happens’ to you.
Great article Janina, to highlight the possibility that there is more to illness and disease than just what we are presented with on a physical level. Definitely worth the conversation, it’s time we bring light to this.
Dementia is the result of having given up on love and truth. Sometimes it is difficult and uncomfortable to accept truth in our lives which would bring more love into our lives. Instead we prefer to stay in our comfortable patterns and life situations not willing to look at the way we live with ourselves and others in honesty and make changes where they are needed..
Dementia is a prevalent and disturbing disease of society. Seeing how people have checked out and no longer want to be present to the point where they no longer can be present is worrying for me too. I have looked at the choices I make at different times to check out and not be present also.
Spending time with people with dementia reinforces in me the importance of being present in the world and honestly feeling everything exactly the way it is so that we do not try to escape from the truth of reality into our mind.
Janina, you highlight a very real problem not only in the old age home but in the habit of checking out that we all so easily fall into. It’s not just the big things like watching TV but the little moments where we are not present that can so easily go unnoticed. I, like you “have not been wanting to feel what I was feeling”. I choose to turn a blind eye to the uncomfortable truths and I realise now that this has been a total avoidance of responsibility. By avoiding feeling the not so good I also loose my connection to the stillness, joy and harmony within and we see that reflected to us in the faces of the people with dementia. It doesn’t just happen overnight – it can start many years before with that habit of checking out.
Yes Sandra taking responsibility and knowing we are able to deal and heal everything which comes our way is important. To realize that it is not possible to check out on certain aspects of our life and just deal with the comfortable ones. We either check out or check in there is no in between.
I can relate to checking out and living in a fantasy world to escape my life and if it wasn’t for Universal Medicine I would have been none the wiser, as it never occurred to me the dangers of giving up and not living life to the full.
This was my chosen way of being too Julie, especially when I was young but also in my adult years and I too saw nothing wrong with it, until Universal Medicine, then I felt that this choice was holding me back big time and a way to check out from what I was feeling.
Elizabeth I agree with you about the timely “reminder for me of the consequence of checking out, ” I have also indulged in this for most of my life as a way of escaping the intensity of life, but like you I am realising the importance of saying present in all areas of my life.
“So now I present my whole self to that elderly lady with dementia, making sure I stay mentally present, not allowing myself to react but connecting in a loving way with her.”- This too is what I learnt, which was invaluable, after my mother was needing to live in a nursing home, suffering with dementia.
Indeed what has led to this epidemic? A great question Janina. Several previous generations in my family have suffered from dementia. Thus, this is not a recent epidemic, although it is one that is more evident because of people living longer lives that are prolonged with advances in the medical sciences. It appears that mass consciousness is one of checking out and shutting down and it has been going one for hundreds(?) of years. Perhaps with the current awareness of dementia, the question will be asked what is the CAUSE of this dis-ease rather than focusing on a cure. (I am being hopeful as medical science is still looking for cures for cancer and glossing over causes of this dis-ease with reasons such as the sun, mobile towers/radio waves etc.)
We do need to start the conversation – as early onset dementia and alzheimers disease becomes more and more prevalent in todays society, and the age onset gets lower and lower. Why are people checking out? What are we trying to avoid? There is much pain in the world, and I am very grateful that through my studies with Universal Medicine I have learned what ‘checking out’ really means. I have also learned it is a really good health decision to choose not to check out, but instead to engage in life in full, lovingly and with commitment. We need to spread the word far and wide.
Our society is suffering as a whole if the focus is to check out and distract, this is very painful to feel and leads to more of the same as we miss ourselves… Like you Jo, I began to understand this vicious circle through the loving reflection of Serge Benhayon and the teachings of Universal Medicine.
Thank you Janina for bringing the understanding of dementia into the present. We tend to think of dementia as some far off thing in the future, when we are old, but as your great article shows it is our everyday presence and awareness, or lack of it, and our choice to take responsibility for our lives, or not, that will make the difference between living later years with dementia or living in joy, awareness and presence until the end.
Yes, putting others needs before our own, this can happen without us realising it, it is such an old pattern. Becoming aware of this and choosing to stay with ourselves, present and connecting to love we can’t help but do what is truly needed and ignite those around us.
Your comment brings me such great understanding of the seriousness of the current state of older people living in a way that confirms to them that it is ok to check out. As you say we need to share a way of living that is of true connection and true presence within our own lives and therefore being able to re-ignite those that currently have dementia.
Janina, there is much in your blog to ponder on as I read it once again – and another aspect, if you will, of dementia I found when visiting on a regular basis a nearby Care Facility and getting to know the residents quite intimately in some cases that some of these folk, not yet old and frail as I would term it, but nonetheless no longer able to safely care for themselves display in some instances an energy that can be quite disturbing as it continues to express itself in deep bitterness, long time resentment and an overriding ability to blame others for their dilemma. I found it caused me to become more aware of how I viewed my own life, my own challenges and my responsibility in the part I played in any one scenario during my life that cause me disharmony in my thoughts or attitude. I feel that I learned much about myself, the potential of possibly making similar choices throughout life that these folk had made, and not seeing the major role that I had as to whether I also spent my final years, months in a facility that cared for Dementia patients. It feels for me like more and more the signals are there for us to be aware of – and ‘checking out’ could possibly be a good signpost so to speak.
I would hear so many times in my work with an elderly person who had dementia “She was such a lovely mother – always there for us and worked so hard for the family” or “He was a great father – worked very hard and achieved a lot in his life”. There was always a sense from the family that the elderly people with dementia were victims – that they had been randomly struck by this horrible disease and did not deserve it as they had been such ‘good’ people who had lived’ good’ lives. But what is a ‘good’ life? Is being there for others ‘good’ if you are not truly there for yourself? Is being a ‘true’ mother about first honouring yourself and your body deeply and then mothering from there.? Otherwise are we not just playing roles to the detriment of our own awareness, body and well-being? Esoteric Medicine is so important for humanity as it shows us that there is an energetic root to all illness and disease – which is very empowering as it is through our choices that we create our own lives and well-being – we are not passive and things don’t just ‘happen’ to us – we need to get away from this disempowered perspective and start looking at how we are living our lives – that is, what quality of connection to our own body and soul. This needs to be our ‘marker’ for good living and how how well we play roles or meet the needs of others.
“we are not passive and things don’t just ‘happen’ to us – we need to get away from this disempowered perspective and start looking at how we are living our lives…” powerfully said Sarah, thank you.
Yes, Sarah we are not victims of life and “things don’t just just happen to us”, but we have the steering wheel between our hands and can steer life in a loving and supportive way for ourselves and everybody.
Janina, I started reading a book “Chance does not exist” which is the same as “things don’t just happen to us”, they are the result of our behaviour, the accumulation of choices made in the course of one’s life. This is what Universal Medicine teaches us. I too have the tendency to escape in my mind but I’m getting better at getting myself off this treadmill. Great blog.
Great point Patricia – a beautiful unravelling of the bonds we have bound our lives with happens with the realisation that we ourselves are responsible for how our lives are. There is such a joy in the acceptance of and knowing this.
So well said Sarah. Is being good about putting others needs before your own? How can we fully support another if we haven’t fully supported ourselves first.
Reading your comment, Sarah, I remember my upbringing in the christian belief system and the most important thing was to be there for others and to be a good person. How can you be there for others, when you are not firstly there for yourself? When you are not there for yourself and connected with yourself then you are not there at all. Is this not one of the root causes for dementia? And how many of us are brought up like this?
In answer to your question Janina ‘ … what has led us to this epidemic?’
In looking at myself and my experiences in life, we’re encouraged to distract ourselves in society. If we’re upset about something generally we are not encouraged to speak about how we are feeling except in accepted arenas like counselling or other types of therapy. We encourage each other to think about something else, go for a drink, go for a run, think about something nice, ignore it or what the English are famous for ‘Have a cup of tea’ … Anything to avoid feeling the hurt and so we end up with nations of hurt people who long before their death have given up internally on themselves. Although it can be painful, being willing to see and feel everything and accept it, is something I personally have found truly supports me.
I love this blog as I re-read it reminds me of the responsibility I have to build a life where I am present with all that I am doing when I am doing it, and it also shows me just how far off I am from living this way. For me I have to work really hard to bring myself back into a present state from living a very, very checkout life. Building presence and quality. Thank you Janina.
This is so beautiful Janina. It is great that you can offer a different reflection to people who have dementia.
Yes Rebecca it is great, because I was willing to look at what I could learn in being with this elderly lady with dementia and what she reflects to me so I was able to go deeper with myself and heal issues and now be able to offer a different reflection-as confronting and challenge it was and sometimes still is. To look at life and challenging situations in our life as opportunities to learn and grow changes everything and makes it simpler.
I agree with all that has been shared … Dementia would be classed as a ‘pandemic’ if it were an infectious disease as it is a global issue not just effecting the elderly. With checking out of life a main contributor, as Vanessa points out with our current generations checking out on technology from a very young age, what will the dementia/Alzheimer’s numbers look like in the near future? … I watched my Mum check out of her life from her mid-40s, just not wanting to see her life, her choices as they were, choosing to dull down the responsibility to make change … her wish to be in this state of denial led to full blown front-temporal lobe dementia by the age of 60. For me Universal Medicine workshops supported identification of the pathways that lead to dementia and thus I now know absolutely that that is another way to live.
We certainly do need to talk about what is going on with Dementia and its massive increase. When you think about it the elderly now didn’t have the same distractions with tv and social media like we do so what are we really facing in the future if we all continue in this massive distracted checked out way???? Thank goodness we have been presented another way and that this can support us to be present in our lives if we so chose!
I can feel that if we do not choose to live in a loving quality with ourselves and everybody and instead live in our mind, this is already the greatest distraction and separation we can have even before the invention of TV, mobiles or internet. But nowadays it is getting more extreme as there as you have said Vanessa TV, internet and mobiles which is are very addictive and seductive to constantly keep oneself occupied and distracted.
I realised recently how much we actually know this, a dear older man probably in his late 70’s was chatting with me about his daily tasks, still shopping, cooking, gardening, washing the car etc – and I could feel his commitment to staying ‘with it’ – he commented ‘well it’s this or dementia’.
What a sweet and powerful example this is, thanks Kate. We do know and we choose.
Ahh avoidance and checking out, I always thought those things that I avoided or checked out from had gone away and therefore dealt with. It is so true Gill that I just end up carrying around all those undealt with things and then need to check out even more to not notice what I am dragging with me. And in the end if I deal with them more immediately by being present in life, letting people in they are never as big a deal as I had feared.
I have just re-read your blog Janina and many of the wonderful comments and agree this subject and the fact that a lifetime of checking out can lead to this disease of dementia needs to be shared with humanity. Realising that children are starting to check out in big ways with the technology these days could lead to this disease becoming part of ageing when in fact it is not a normal part of ageing at all. I work in community aged care and attend to many clients with dementia. I do connect with the clients, especially by looking in their eyes or doing a gentle hand massage but since being reminded again by your blog I will look even deeper into how I check out myself either when I am with these clients or other moments of my day.
I like your description of the ‘mini holiday’ Ariana. I know it well. It is so true, we are not used to being with ourselves. Lately I am really focusing on my body as I listen and speak, especially in the Skype meetings, and it is beautiful to feel the solidity and support of the body there with me. The mini holiday is such an empty illusion.
A truly inspiring bog, Janina. It made me look at how I am when I am checking out and why. It is simply not wanting to feel what is going on, in my life and my body. My body feels numb and my eyes glaze over, it seems everything shuts down.
When I am with myself in everything that I do, my body feels alive and my eyes feel sparkly.
A brilliant blog Janina – “what has led us to this epidemic?”, a timely (in fact long overdue) question. It is interesting the connection that you make from what you saw and what you notice about how you have/do live – I can notice similar things in my life. How would it look if we all took this approach of seeing where we were ‘checking out’ in our lives BEFORE it got to the stage of dementia in old age?
Great point you address. Apparently, dementia and alzheimer are going to be at the rise in the near future, so the questions you pose are very important. What if it has nothing to do with growing older, but growing up e.g. becoming aware of the responsibility we have to be fully present with life and all it entails -being present with our body, feeling what is happening in and around us instead of escaping, checking out. What a turn around this is as perspective. We might start to teach this at schools at a young age-learning to be with ourselves and then realize there is so much to connect to lovingly.
I love the clarity and honesty to this blog, what we need to ask is why are we as a society have so many people wanting to dis-connect and check out of life? That life has got to a place where it supports and encourages people to check out and dis-connect. As each younger generation have even more tools to support this, I can only see Dementia increasing year after year.
So beautiful that you are spending time being with these people, Janina.
Dementia can be a lesson in staying present for all of us, as it is really hard to watch your family members go down this path – really tempting to check out and look for distractions rather than feel what is really going on here. A great article about bringing more awareness to our own checking out behaviour.
I agree Deb, Its easy and tempting to check out and look for distractions rather then feel what is really going on when we do this. I know for myself as soon as I feel something uncomfortable I want to numb it as soon as possible with food, escaping to my head, or watch a DVD just to escape the tension. But I am realising more and more the benefits of dealing with what is needed by feeling the tension and looking underneath it.
I find it interesting that when one is informed of someone we may have known for many years having been ‘diagnosed’ with a form of dementia of one sort or another, that people may find that information a little shocking when it relates to that someone, however, I also find it a little astounding really that this diagnosis can be such an easily accepted piece of news now, without one looking a little more deeply into the why of the situation, or indeed in some cases ‘why not’ due to the awareness of the level of disconnectedness to truth that may have been seen to be present beforehand. I am finding it more apparent the importance of checking within, with one’s inner self to uncover whether some choice or other may be coming from a belief in separation to all else, even a sense of unworthiness of sorts and thus discovering that this behaviour could indeed be fed from an energy from without that is thus providing a solid platform for withdrawing or what is known as ‘checking out’. A recent presentation by Serge Benhayon that I attended at Universal Medicine brought me to a deeper awareness of the responsibility each of us has to develop our awareness around this escalating issue of mental health.
Escaping from life is happening on a large scale day in day out. There is so much distraction that we don’t know what it means to just be with ourselves, in the moment and with our body. Even when we go to the toilet, we bring our phones, newspapers or I-pads. What is going on? We live in a time where we have created so much distraction and we are so checked out, that we seem to have forgotten who we are in truth and how absolutely gorgeous and wonderful we all are. If we knew, we would be home more often, so to speak.
Yes Mariette …this is important to understand….
“We live in a time where we have created so much distraction and we are so checked out, that we seem to have forgotten who we are in truth and how absolutely gorgeous and wonderful we all are. If we knew, we would be home more often, so to speak.”
“There is so much distraction that we don’t know what it means to just be with ourselves”. This so true Mariette. When we choose to be distracted not only we are not with ourselves but also we are not present with and for others so everyone is in their little bubble. We can’t carry on like this as a humanity can we ?
This is so true Mariette that life is now just one big distraction from ourselves. This is what is so alarming because generations living like this are so checked out, what is their future looking like? I work in Dementia Aged Care and currently the residence generations are mostly in there 70’s and beyond. These people didn’t have all the additional check-out devices that people use these days. Sure they could always escape into their minds and other activities. But today people walk, talk and do everything with a device attached.
I observe people with dementia having deeply given up on love, their life seemed to be a struggle and they resisted in the past to make loving choices for themselves. As such how supporting is it to change one’s life into a life of appreciation and self-love. This could be a healing stone for beginning dementia.
Yes Kerstin i feel the same deep given up in people with dementia but can also see a giving up in people with depression.
Thanks Janina, it’s an important question you ask to begin considering why this rising epidemic of dementia. If it is the ultimate checking out, then it makes sense that it begins many decades earlier – as Serge Benhayon has been presenting for a number of years now. You highlight lots of ways this can be happening thanks, most of which I can relate to at one time or another.
The photo that accompanies your article Janina, says it all. The full attention with which the younger woman holds the older woman, and the deep contact between them is a very precious moment, and I am sure brings healing to the older woman as she receives a reflection of herself and can be absolutely with herself in that moment without any of the usual distress. Being there, being present and accompanying those with dementia is a wonderful service for humanity.
This is such an important topic that needs to be discussed and conscious presence is something that I have and will continue to develop. I love what you say – “Now I have a different marker in my body and I can see and feel that I am not empty but that I am full of life and vitality; this gives me a constant reminder to choose to stay present.” – I totally agree and the more present you are with your self the deeper the marker becomes and it has the potential to expand and grow continually.
As soon as I am in a rush or try to multi task my thoughts start to race ahead and it doesn’t take long before I have checked out and forget the simplest of things like did I lock the door or where did I put the keys. We can often put this down to getting older and being forgetful but it is more than that, it is checking out and choosing not to being present in the things we do. Thank you Janina for writing about dementia and asking the question “We need to really start to ponder on what is going on here, and to start the discussion…. what has led us to this epidemic?
Janina it’s so beautiful to read how you are with people with dementia: that you’ve committed to being fully present. I have no doubt they’ll feel that. You’re showing them that being fully present in the world is actually a beautiful possibility and not one fraught with pain and suffering.
This is something I am discovering too. Today I was walking about and I could feel myself wanting to hide away from walking down town because I could feel the misery that lots of people live with on a daily basis. I didn’t want to feel this. I realised I was wondering where could I live that didn’t have misery in but there is no hiding from it. I then felt how important it is for me to be present and just feel this.
To no-longer run away from this as I have done all my life by wanting to make the world a better place though work but becoming exhausted in trying to do so. I hadn’t realised the power of role models. That only by one living a different way could one communicate this way and no amount of words could do this.
Janina it’s amazing what you’re doing and inspires me to be more present each day.
Thank you Karin for sharing. What i am learning now when i visit the lady with dementia, is not to have any investment to make her feel better or rescue her from the life she lives. I have tried that all and it doesn’t work and takes energy. I offer her now my loving and steady presence and don’t even talk so much anymore as she is not able to really have a conversation. And it more engages the mind. As soon as i observe myself to start reacting to the confusion she is in i now stop myself and come back to me, to feel my body and to choose presence. Great training.
Amazing training ground Janina. And you could say the whole earth is this amazing training ground for our learning to come back.
I remember when I became fully aware of the checked-out feeling – it was several years ago in a Retreat in Vietnam. It was a huge moment for me to realise how easily I let this happen and how totally empty it felt…. shocking. Have I been present ever since then? No I haven’t. What I do know is that if I let “life” get to me, that is if I react to what is happening around me or absorb the energy around me I can easily check out. Having seen both my mother and father decline with dementia and recognising the huge checking out way of being that is fostered in today’s society I feel this subject needs a lot more attention. Thank you Janina for your contribution and for asking the question.
Elaine this is very important and i have just realized this for myself: “What I do know is that if I let “life” get to me, that is if I react to what is happening around me or absorb the energy around me I can easily check out.”
This is what I can learn, if my choice is to feel and be present, I am able to observe when I would normally react to people or situations.
Love it Hannah, it is very true how much our mind can play its game trying to get us drifting away in a imaginary world. The way out of this illusion is to stop and to name the distractions for what they are. I choose to stay in my presence – when I notice that I am far away with thoughts from my mind.
Thank you Janina for your observations. It is quite frightening when we consider just how often we check out, individually and as a society. There is so much on offer to aid and abet us to check out and then we are all shocked by the statistics of people presenting with dementia.
Recently I drove past a speed camera a little too fast as I was totally checked out in preparing how my work day would pan out, it was a costly little reminder to stay present in what you are doing at the time, but not as costly as winding up with dementia.
I am always grateful for any wake up call that makes me aware of the mental chatterings than run through my day. This is one such moment. Thank you Janina.
Catching that mental chatter Matilda is a full time job for me at times. It requires me to be diligent and to make a choice to not listen to it.
Wow, Wow, Wow Janina. This is an amazing article and you bring many real and important points. These are points and issues that we as a society definitely need to look at.
Thank you Janina for this very important blog and a great reminder of how easy it is to check out and avoid – though we have the tools presence does take commitment.
It seems to me that people ‘check out’ so that they do not have to deal with the unpleasant things they are feeling in their bodies. But through the Livingness, and the healing that it entails, we can clear the unpleasant emotions and hurts from our bodies, and replace all of this with Love, so that staying connected to what we are feeling always becomes a far more pleasant experience, and thus easier way to live.
Beautiful said Conor!
Well said, Conor. When we look at the choices we are making from this perspective, it is definitely worth dealing with our hurts so that we truly want to be here, fully present and engaged with life and love to our last breath.
From my observation of my mother, dementia doesn’t happen overnight, it is a process of being more and more absent to oneself until that way of being crosses a certain threshold and solidifies into a diagnosable condition.
I agree Gabriele, this was my observation with my father who became more and more withdrawn. He is deep down a very gentle man and his perceived harshness of life was just too much for him.
Thank you for this blog Janina – I have been doing my own reflection lately on how I choose not to be ‘present’ in order not to feel certain things. Being around people with dementia can be certainly confronting, and something I have experienced too. We really do need to look further into what is causing it as we are getting better at keeping people alive with medicine – but this problem still has not been addressed fully and is a major health issue.
Wow – I just loved reading about the importance of appreciation here.
There are many of us who have changed the way we live – and some of those changes are totally against trend – so it is so important to appreciate that, which I too am still learning to do.
Because without the appreciation – the ‘trends’ become enticing.
But we are so much more than making unloving choices.
Thank you Janina. As you well note dementia is on the rise and correspondingly so are the opportunities for distraction and checking out. It is shocking to hear that people as young as 30 are now being diagnosed.
I will be visiting my aunt this afternoon who is suffering from dementia too. What a wonderful ‘coincidence’ to read your blog now. It reminds me to stay fully present today and not loose myself and the connection with her by going into sympathy. With my aunt I considered when she started to ‘leave’ that this is because of the pain she avoided to feel, but also the fact that she never expressed her anger or frustration.
I will be with her with all my love……
Off course I mean: not lose myself in sympathy….. 🙂
Janina, that is so valuable, for you and your friend’s mother, that you are able to spend quality time with her. I see it as an opportunity for you to stay in the present when you are with her, for she is only in the present and has to be met as such. To meet her in the place she is, with all the repetitions and mind blanks it comes with, without irritation and frustration, is such a healing thing for both parties.
Well said Joan. This could be how we are with everyone – totally in the present, not imposing, no judgement and pure understanding. I think our relationships would look very different if we did this.
Gosh yes many of us do this with our phones. I feel it has become more of an addiction rather than a source of support. At work I would constantly be checking it for messages or emails. Now I put it on silent and do not look at it in the day, but still find other distractions in the way of food. What are we REALLY distracting ourselves from?
I agree with you Vicky I tend to get addictive with my mobile phone and computer if I am not careful. One day I remember that I choose conscious presence so beautiful that I decided in the car during driving not even at the traffic light: ” I won’t look at my mobile”. And it was the best day I ever had concerning choosing presence above all and clearly deciding when does it feel right to do certain things. Something worth focusing on!
“What are we REALLY distracting ourselves from” – good question Vicky. We are constantly asked to either check in or to check out. For me it feels as the majority of people are living distracted and more in a checked out modus, there is a stronger pull to join. So we are asked every moment to check in, to feel what is going on and to build our conscious presence.
That is the question isn’t it – what are we distracting ourselves from… the more we can stay connected the closer we can get to the answer and heal.
I agree Vicky, mobile phones have become such an addiction for so many of us. It feels like people use it as a refuge from the world or a barrier against intimacy.
Thank-you Janina for this blog, it is so important we discuss and address why so many people around the world are getting dementia. It was only last year my nan was diagnosed with dementia, and my grandma a number of years back. I have seen the pattern of checking out clearly, as it was the day my grandfather died that my grandma just gave up on life all together. It was quite full on to see how a woman who was always so busy and often scattered playing the role of the housewife, simply just not know who she was without doing everything for everyone else the day she stopped and she switched off from life. Reflecting back on this very clear pattern that led to both my grandparents diagnosis I question how often do we take a moment for ourselves, to truly check in and feel how we are, not because we are forced to by illness or circumstance? And from here is it possible we can see that the rising numbers of people being diagnosed with dementia is not so random.
Dementia is big news in the political world here in the UK at the moment. This open and fundamental recognition of dementia as a social responsibility is a great and welcomed step towards ensuring genuine support for people who experience this condition. What is wonderful about this article is how you have related to the person you are caring for from a steady place within yourself, with out the need for recognition from any one else. Just a knowing that you are contributing and you are making a difference just because you are there. I love this and you are a superb role model for us all as we come to terms with just how much dementia has taken hold of so many in our communities.
I have just reread your blog Janina and I so very much appreciate the care, presence and love you bring to the people at the nursing home and in particular the woman you take for a walk.
Thank you for your commitment and wisdom
I feel it is very lovely that you have chosen to spend time with this older lady with dementia, Janina, your presence will no doubt be a blessing for her. I have been with demented people myself and could feel all too easily the dreamy shadowy world where they live with only fragmented and jumbled pieces of life making any sense. I could also feel how they had given up on themselves and life because of unresolved issues and the lack of love we as people generally live with. It makes me realise how grateful I am to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for having shown me how to live a different loving way because once I too was given up on life and perhaps headed in that direction.
Yes Josephine I fully agree :”It makes me realise how grateful I am to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for having shown me how to live a different loving way because once I too was given up on life and perhaps headed in that direction.”
I was just wondering is dementia also affecting countries like Afrika or more a western phenomena, so i read a worldwide statistic :
2013 are 44 Millionen people with dementia reportetd by the Organisation Alzheimer’s Disease International (ADI). In about 2030 there will be an increase to 76 Millionen and in about 2050 an increase to 135 Millionen people.
62% of the people with dementia live in countries with low or middle income like the far east and countries of Africa south of the Sahara. There will be a raise in 2050 to 71%.
So Dementia is a global problem but will strongly affect poorer countries and be more challenging for them without the system of a good health system and health care.
reference:http://www.aerztezeitung.de/medizin/krankheiten/demenz/article/851569/experten-warnen-demenz-weltweit-epidemie.html
I couldn’t agree more Vicky. To be present is not easy! It may be simple, but not easy, as we are breaking an age-old habit of checking out from the body and living in the mind.
I personally find that I checkout often during the day, even though I make many choices also every day to come back to my body and have my mind accompanying everything the body is doing. it feels so beautiful to do this. I have found that the whole thing requires commitment, is almost like a vow to be ‘married’ to yourself and so able to embrace all others.
Yes Lyndy being present with yourself definitely requires commitment and I love how you liken it to ‘a vow to be ‘married’ to yourself and so able to embrace all others.’ If we aren’t present with ourselves then we lose the possibility of being present with others which feels like a major reason why so many end up with dementia.
Janina, it just makes so much sense. Years upon years of ignoring/avoiding life just has to catch up with us eventually. It’s so outrageous that we as a society refuse to admit this, refuse to accept how we have chosen to live. The lack of quality in our way of being is so profound we don’t even realise it. It’s articles like this that give you more of an opportunity to feel where things really are at. No one is talking about, it’s just not on our radar …how sad is that?
I totally agree Elodie; “Years upon years of ignoring/avoiding life just has to catch up with us eventually”. And with the statistics on dementia that have been presented to us it is obvious that the years of ignoring what is truly going on, is definitely catching up and until we accept in full that the way we have been living is the reason why, nothing will change. This inspiring article of Janina’s is certainly starting a conversation that is way overdue.
Yes Elodie, the quality in which we live everyday has an effect on our health and well-being and ignoring this fact doesn’t work anymore…and why not make your life now a life you want to be in. With the help of Universal Medicine this turn around was possible for me!
To be completely present in all that we do. Sounds easy and simple, and it should be, but how many of us really do this? Especially with the busyness of our lives now. I recently read that people as young as 30 were getting diagnosed with dementia! That’s crazy. However you show that this is possible to do by checking in and being honest with ourselves and what we are feeling, as well as taking responsibility for our lives and all that we do. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have helped me understand and supported me with the this immensely.
There is just so much out there these days that is designed to keep us distracted and checked out from feeling whats really going on, great blog Janina well worth tweeking so as many people can be made aware that this disease is not inevitable if we stay present
I notice that to check out can happen at any moment, it’s present in the little distractions when doing something or in the moments when awareness is at ‘at my fingertips’ but I choose to look the other way. I’m finding it’s an option that’s there whether it’s in some circumstances more than in others. The times I catch myself wanting to – or having checked out, lend an opportunity to discover more about myself and therefore I become more aware rather than less. So in a sense (if we don’t let that mechanism take hold) those moments of checkingout can be a helpful clues to more awareness not less.
Very true Rosanna. In the very same way we can ‘use’ the ever-present ‘tension’ that is there in life – we can be aware of it and use it to feel that ‘we are not that tension’ and come back to a real connection with ourselves. The tension is always going to be there, and the trick is not to identify with it and imagine that it IS who we are. As Serge Benhayon has said the most valuable tool is awareness.
Thank you for your blog. Dementia harshly but lovingly brings home the fact that we simply do not get away with living a life where we are checked out. It’s a habit that is so easy to slip into but very difficult to break. I work everyday on developing my presence but still find it challenging at times. I have noticed when I’m more present and aware life is easier to manage, with much more understanding of what is needed in any given moment.
Yes Kate, this is beautiful and true:
“I have noticed when I’m more present and aware life is easier to manage, with much more understanding of what is needed in any given moment.
The more I am present, the less complicated my life gets and the less I need to check out from it instead understanding clearer the lessons of life I get presented every day and that I am able to deal and handle it!
I find that too Kate- when I stay present life is much more vibrant and rewarding and things get dealt with much quicker and easier, and the ability to see through things is so enhanced.
I love this line Janina. ‘My experience now is: the more I allow myself to feel the more aware I get, even if it’s very confronting (like feeling people with dementia), and even if I have to feel my own choosing to check out. But this way I get to know more of me.’ This is so true it is only by allowing and consciously choosing to feel who we are and what is going on for us that we can develop and evolve. Through this connection to ourselves we then feel connected to others and feel engaged and part of life. This has certainly been my experience over the last thre years as I choose to feel and be more of me.
Great call Janina and I can totally relate to your experience here having seen my grandmother’s last few years of life lived with dementia. This is a growing problem in society and there is an attitude of disregard for people in this situation. We don’t know how to deal with them because it seems they are not often there, so many are given up on and put into care. Could they then be checking out more to hide that pain? At this time, I was told by family that there really was no need to visit as she likely wouldn’t remember if I did or not. At times that’s how it was but I also witnessed how in my connection to me, that the sparkle in her was often ignited and the joy we shared, holding hands, being together, lit up the room. It was beautiful. I recently became aware via reading another blog http://medicineandsergebenhayon.com/2015/01/11/dementia-is-it-truly-a-mystery/ that dementia could be due to checking out – it certainly makes sense and I’m motivated to stay present as best I can. Thank you for bringing this much needed conversation to the table with your beautiful and awesome expression.
Thank you Candida for sharing your experience with your family and your grandmother. The lady I look after she is not present with her mind but her eyes light up when she sees me. And they are extremely sensitive and she can focus her eyes on something specific but stops at a street as soon as she hears a car. They are there and they feel what is going on in the moment. And yes I observed her within the last years checking in more with dementia to a stronger level and because there was so much pain coming up for her feeling what was happening to her and the state she was in with dementia. So it is so important for us to be in contact with people with dementia.
There is so much research going on concerning Dementia and how it is not a natural part of ageing;. “it is a clear reflection of a society which is choosing to check out and distract as a normal way of being.” I can feel that it comes from checking out of life and not wanting to be present. Our children in school are not generally taught how to be present but to instead go into their heads and live from the cerebral rather than the heart and the present moment. Imagine if this changed, there is potential for it. It is staggering that dementia increasing so much, great reason for questions to be asked.
I enjoyed reading about how the work that you are doing within the filed of dementia is actually with yourself, to be more practised at being fully present whilst you are with the people in your care. So, you are not seeking to be anything other than who you are because you know that you are more than enough already, and that just by bringing all of you to these meetings, there is already a recipe for change.
Your line – “I could feel how long I have lived avoiding to truly feel what is going on within and around me – so I started to realise that giving up and checking out is very familiar to me. I have not been taking responsibility for how I live and I have not been wanting to feel what I was feeling” – really resonated with me. I have avoided going deep within throughout my life, staying in the emotion or story, staying in the reactions of life. This had allowed me to not fully feel what has needed to be felt. This is and has been changing over the past number of years having attended Universal Medicine presentations and practitioners, so my awareness is deepening more and more each day.
Thank you Janina for sharing. I was shocked by the figure of 1.4 million people who have dementia in Germany, that is just an incredible waste of life not lived.
How wise your friend must be to have chosen you to be with her mother, and have recognised the healing and support you can reflect by your way of living, to engage with the world and not check out, and work on conscious choice to support yourself and share this with others, and with your friends mother, just awesome, thank you.
Hi Janina,
Thank you for an interesting blog. I love the idea of each of us taking more responsibility for our lives and the life around us. There are so many comforts and distractions aiding us to check out in today’s world. I watch the pull the Internet and gaming has on my young children and wonder just how early this starts in us.
Awesome blog Janina. I can relate to the reflection you made about how much you checked out in your own life. I am aware of myself checking out too, less and less, though I am thinking a lot about the future and worrying about that instead of being in the moment with my thoughts with what I am doing. I wonder why so many people check out of their lives… I most of the time check out when I am being to hard on myself which makes my life no fun at all.
Yesterday I was told that people at the age of 30 (!) are having signs of dementia….What is going on here? We can not close our eyes and just check out…we have been doing this too long and we see what comes from it. Why are we choosing to not be present?
A much-needed thought-provoker on one of the biggest and fastest-growing epidemics of our time. Great how you trace back the genesis of the illness to those habitual moments of checking out from the discomfort of having to feel and confront our true reality. That one of the causes of dementia could well be as a result of our own behavioural choices is profound and worthy of further contemplation by all.
Hear hear Cathy – beautifully and succinctly expressed. Roll on the day when the world at large has this message. We ourselves will pioneer it by staying present as much as we can, and making a footprint of true presence in the world.
An important discussion indeed Janina “What has lead to this epidemic?” – and what can we do about it? A great start is to be honest, just like you have reflected over your own presence in your day to day living, as well as knowing that to truly be with ourselves in what we are doing is a forever learning and something for each of us to develop – but one thing is for sure, we can only do it ourselves, it is not something we can get or achieve from the outside. There is no magic pill or cure that can do it for us.
This is a really interesting blog Janina and it makes perfect sense to me that there could be a link between checking out and dementia. I used to live in a way where I needed constant distraction be it television, radio or surfing the internet. What I am finding now is that the more present I am with myself in my day that the less these distractions belong with what I am doing.
Thats awesome Fiona, there is something so beautiful about being present in all that we do. When I feel racy now or find I am trying to distract myself I notice it and stop, taking the time to come back to me. If I continue going on in the distracted momentum I know I am building a life full of check out and numbness which ultimately if continued can lead to all sorts of memory problems including dementia.
This a great conversation to begin and raises an awareness of how we live now can have an effect on our health as we age and that dementia or ill health does not just happen because of growing older. Thank you Janina.
This is such a great blog in the sense that it is presenting the truth about dementia and going straight to the cause. Very powerful indeed
Multitasking in the head, thinking of 10 different things while driving, for example, caused me allready a scratch on my car because I was not present enough to see that the space for me to go through was to narrow.
All the things I do without presence, have an immediate effect on me.
Yes, Simone I agree and I find if I am present in what I am doing that the spaciousness of time opens up for me enormously too.
In our busy lives we get overwhelmed and go on ‘auto pilot’, even when we drive our cars, we are not fully present. It is in epidemic proportions, with only the treatment to sustain the person, and not the real medicine as Janina wrote about.
Thank you for that a reminder not to check out and stay present. Our future depends on this.
Great reflections Janina and a question I can ask myself where do I still check out? What elements of my life do I not embrace fully even though I embrace more than I have ever done in my life there is always more. Thank you for the reminder to keep feeling my level of presence with myself and life.
Checking out happens so easily. Most of the people are not aware until something happens, like they bump their had and realise ‘wow where have I been?’ Or they loose their key, forget their wallet. These are little signs.
What is helping me to not check out but stay in my body is to feel my body in everything I do. To take notice of my breath or of my feet while walking. Also feeling my fingertips when touching something. And to remind me to do so everyday. This builds up a good marker and when I check out my body cries e.g.: ‘Hey, do you feel your feet still?’
Janina thanks for opening up this conversation about dementia. It certainly does need to be talked about and I can relate to what you say and so many people who have made comments about the way I can check out and choose not to feel what is going on. Its great to bring awareness to how we are living and start to make links with the consequences of our daily choices.
I have found the same Rachel. I can really relate to what you say.
I spent much of my childhood playing in the garden amongst the bushes and trees or sitting in trees. I could feel something was not quite right and felt drawn to the garden where I lived in my own little world. Later when there was a good book around I would always be reading and living in that world.
Now I still wander off when doing simple everyday tasks and it is a real ‘loving discipline’ to have my mind with my body as I do these things, feeling the joy of that, instead of always being elsewhere, or thinking that something better is going on elsewhere.
To wonder off, check out and not be present is how we are motivated to live constantly. I used to day dream my whole childhood and lived a lot in my head and today I often realize how I wonder off while cooking, taking a shower, walking, etc. Learning to live in presence is one of the most amazing and joyful aspects of life, I learned from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
We are continuously encouraged to be multi-tasking, thinking of the next thing…but in this there is a complete lack of presence. It is not until we have felt or are shown another way that you realise there is an alternative – one that deeply nurtures and supports you in every moment, in the present and in the future.
It amazes me Janina that billions of pounds of research that is spent on dementia each year and yet your blog offers so much in the way seeing the true cause of this disease. After working with Dementia patients for a long time I see this disease as a direct side effect of spending years not being fully present with ourselves.
This is great Samantha, ‘It amazes me Janina that billions of pounds of research that is spent on dementia each year and yet your blog offers so much in the way seeing the true cause of this disease.’ It is so true, one simple article looking at the root cause of why people may have dementia, it is articles like this that the researchers need to read.
How inspiring and powerful that you have allowed yourself to feel into about the sobering reality of dementia Janina, thank you for your sharing.
We can check out from our bodies, or check out from the head, or both.
A while ago I was in a training with a man who was a ‘talking head’. In the end we asked him how his body was doing, he said he had no idea. He had been sitting in the same posture for 3 hours. He was really not aware what was happening underneath his head. Only relying on his mental abilities. Interesting to consider what that means in relation to dementia.
It makes absolute sense to me that dementia is a result of checking out in life. If this is true then it really calls for us to take responsibility for our quality of presence every day and in every moment.
A lot is not known about the real cause of Dementia, could it be people check out from life after the loss of a loved one? Maybe they think that there is nothing left in life for them to enjoy? It is tragic that people will lock themselves away, and have no communication with family or friends. A lot more needs to be done, when people are living alone and have no outside contact. Visits from their neighbour or their local community police officer would let that person know that they have not been forgotten. it may even bring a little enjoyment into people’s lives.
you are raising something important here…how do we live our day to day lives and what is the level of checking out that we do in each moment….even reading this article I noticed I would wander ….very exposing
Allowing ourselves to keep feeling everything that is there to be felt requires constant attention, as we so often do not want to feel things that are going on within us and within our environment. Dementia is shown us that running away from it does not work.
Totally Elizabeth this will never work only by us stepping into our responsibility will we see a different world.
Janina I think your blog is great to get the conversation started on dementia – who would have thought that the act of distracting ourselves would lead to dementia until it was presented to us that being present with ourselves is what brings the best outcome of our lives. This conversation has brought to my attention all the different ways you can check out and how I can sometimes fall into those ways and not really feel that’s what I’m doing. More awareness of my choices and self love is a great reminder. Thank you Janina and all the comments for your support.
I fully agree Christine with all you’ve said here. There are times when I also have not felt it straight away that I had checked out- and catching these insidious little ways can be quite a challenge at times. Thank you for the timely reminder.
Dementia is not only a side effect of people getting old, it is a clear reflection of a society which is choosing to check out and distract as a normal way of being. And then, after doing that for years, they are ending up not wanting to feel how disconnected they have lived and finally want to escape from life completely. Says it all really…
I have noticed recently how unaware I can be of how my body is feeling, I am on autopilot rushing through the day. Yesterday I had a busy day and was exhausted at the end of it, but I asked myself why, I realise now that a busy day doesn’t have to be tiring, and will become so more likely because I haven’t been aware of very much of what I am doing. Is this lack of awareness a checking out from the day, it certainly feels so.
Thank you for sharing your experiences and observations. It’s amazing as a society how much energy we put into checking out, watching tv, drifting off in our minds, eating into food comas, drinking alcohol and using other substances to ‘get high’ or check out of life. How amazing we have this reflection of your experiences, along with everyone who has commented above, with Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon also offering deeper insights into what it means to be ‘checked in’ and connected with ourselves, and how presence and attention to our bodies and what we are doing is making a huge impact on many lives already.
What I find interesting is that we are so worried about being hurt by what is going on around us that we ‘protect’ ourselves in ways such as the all so familiar ‘checking out’ that prove to be even more damaging in the long term than simply allowing our self to feel that which we are avoiding at the time.
Thanks Janina, I had not full realised the cycle that we can so easily get into if we are not careful, until I read your blog here. That we have a tension or pain inside that we don’t want to feel, and so we develop ways of avoiding this pain, but that we also know and detest the fact that we are doing this avoidance, and this creates more pain that we don’t want to admit or feel, and so basically it can push us further and further into some kind of mind driven escape place where we are completely disconnected from life and from our bodies essentially.
It is super important to acknowledge and understand that society is not set up to support deep, quiet, honest relationships with ourselves. If we accept this then we can approach life with respect and awareness, making choices that awaken our relationship with ourselves and put us back in the driving seat of our lives rather than being at the mercy of all that is going on around us. We become active participants in life rather than puppets.
Wow, that’s a lot of dementia patients – and a huge rise. It is no wonder though… With all the things around us it is easier then ever to check out.
It is interesting to watch how technology, that has been touted as so called ‘advancing us as a society’, is actually contributing to the ‘checking out’. Playstations, social media, virtual reality, 3D. We can so easily get caught up with being a part of the latest technology, but in the process neglect or disregard what may be best for the body. It seems that all this technology is playing accomplice to a society that is wanting to check out from their current reality…
Janina, you brought up an important and very deep topic. In your article you write about elderly people and it is kind of normal nowadays to accept that as people get older their brain is loosing the capacity to remember things. Or one might think that those old people went through so much in their lives that it is normal for them trying to forget it all. But is not normal at all. And statistically dementia is getting younger. I myself came across some teenagers who don’t have problems as such, who are young and fit, they don’t have any issues with brain on a physical level-and yet they don’t remember where they put their key or mobile phone or what they were doing yesterday. It indicates that dementia has little to do with age. It is rather the matter of our commitment to ourselves and to life, willingness to face challenges instead of avoiding them and of course conscious presence. There is such a simple pleasure of feeling our fingertips and washing dishes while washing dishes. And connecting to our own breath is wonderful technique to stay present. All those techniques we are taught by Serge Benhayon during his presentations and they do help to stay present when we apply them.
Thank you, Janina, for stepping up, making connections with people and your beautiful expression.
Good point there Elena, forgetting things like where you put the car keys or whether you locked the door or fed the dog are not the sole terrain of the elderly! Checking out and not remembering or not being aware of something is very evident in teenage years and onwards, so the effects of dementia can’t be just down to age. Disengaging with oneself and the world at large has the same effect no matter ones age.
I agree Rosanna,
It would be a big, new, research insight if a connection would be found between people checking out in their youth or middle age and the rate at which they get dementia as if you first have the expression and then the physical manifestation.
Great point Elena, I have spent much of my life forgetting things or not remembering where I have put essential items like my keys, but what I have noticed is that the more I am present with myself doing what I am actually doing at the time, these instances of missing things are becoming fewer and there is more of an ease to life as I’m not wasting ages hunting for things.
It is interesting timing reading this blog Janina, because recently I began to really be aware of when I was checking out and going off into my mind and forgetting to stay present in any tasks I did. I am quite surprised how often I do it – an old pattern I have avoided looking at. Thank you for your honesty and openness in your blog Janina, I am now feeling inspired to be more present in each moment and check in instead of checking out!
Anna I too have been coming more aware of just how much I check out while I am doing something, and its a constant bring myself back and feeling my body.
The parallel you draw between dementia and checking out in younger years is very valid; there are so many ways to not be present and just live in a body that goes or is absentmindedly being taken through the motions – is it possible there is a connection here? And if yes or even maybe, are we willing to look at it?
Great question you ask Gabriele:
Is our society willing to look at the possible connection between checking out behavior and the increase of dementia in our society ?
‘Dementia is not only a side effect of people getting old, it is a clear reflection of a society which is choosing to check out and distract as a normal way of being.’ Dementia is not inevitable and we all have a choice to stay present in our everyday lives. For me this has been a challenging blog to read because of the many ways I have chosen to check out in the past and how often I still find my mind wandering away from what I am currently doing. This is a crucial discussion to be having and thank you for starting it Janina.
I worked in a nursing home on My Nursing Prac and I must admit that I was shocked to see so many people ‘checked out’ and diagnosed with dimentia. This was scary enough, Then I went shopping in the local shopping centre and i found that not only were people checked out in the nursing homes and with a severe case of dementia that people were walking around the shopping centre checked out as well, and i could see where that might take them into their elder years.
Great observation Harrison of people in shopping centers, one of my favorite ways of checking out was shopping. Often i went to an outlet were many people came to. The people weren’t present, didn’t connect with another, sometime even rude. It was all about fighting for the best bargain. It was difficult to stay loving and present there.
I agree Harry, shopping centers are a great place to feel where humanity is really at.
“An activity like surfing the internet itself is neutral, but it was the quality I chose to do these activities in” – I can totally relate to that… my choice of whether there is a purpose and engagement with what I am doing, or a casual sort of time wasting. The activity could be seen to be the same, but the quality in which I do it is everything.
Thank you Janina for your amazing observations and powerful honesty. I have talked to many people over the years about dementia and hear people often talk about “keeping their minds active”. What if ‘keeping our minds active’ is us checking out and putting us on this very disruptive and painful path. I know I have and still do keep my mind active to not want to always feel what is going on. It’s hard to acknowledge that this has been my behaviour, but it is important to do this so that we can then see this for what it is and then begin to make some new choices.
There is no ‘some’ about it. Only making new choices.
I can so see how living life checked out and not wanting to be fully present in life can lead to dementia. I needed to catch the train for a few weeks recently and I was so surprised at how disengaged the majority of passengers were, with themselves and each other, listening to music, sleeping or playing on phones, no-one really making eye contact. I know I have and still do this at times, were I will avoid making contact with someone in case they reject me or not connect back… that’s what I can feel in the train as well. I can also relate to the checking out with activities or being busy, food, problems and letting my head go off in all kinds of tangents so I don’t need to deal with what is in front of me. This blog and all you have shared Janina is a great opportunity to stop and consider where else I’m not present and also how powerful and loving it is for myself and all those around me, when I choose to stay present.
It is no wonder that escaping into the mind is such a common thing when generally in our society the mind is considered to be superior or higher than the body. For myself I grew up with this belief and so I never considered that there was anything wrong with being lost in my mind or imagination, little did I know that actually I was just trying to avoid feeling my body for there was a lot of emotional pain trapped there. The process of changing this long ingrained habit has been slow and gradual and really only begun when I came across the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. I had tried previously to gain control over my habit of checking out by attempting to discipline my mind, but fighting mind with mind just perpetuates the habit. Only by gradually learning to stay aware of my body have I begun to remain more present through my day, I still check out a lot, but for me feeling the body is making a big difference, mind chasing mind is just like a dog chasing its tail.
I can relate to ‘fighting mind with mind just perpetuates the habit.’ I have spent so much time in my head but feeling my body and whatever I am doing at the time has allowed me to be much more consciously present and engaged with life.
I completely agree with your observations of the reasons behind dementia Janina. I have changed a lot in recent years, but I still notice how frequently I go to avoid feeling something that isn’t pleasant, whether it be a choice that I have made, feeling the stress or overwhelm in my body, or an intense situation going on around me.
But this is the ultimate trap. My life never changed so much for the better as it did when I started to engage and commit to living in the world instead of withdrawing from life because I didn’t like it. What I found out is that the greatest power to affect change comes from being present with ourselves, our body and our feelings in every moment. So when I take a step back it becomes clear how fooled we all are. We want to avoid the things that hurt us by checking out from them or distracting ourselves in some way, but in doing so we hand over our greatest tools to make our life truly beautiful; a life that we wouldn’t ever want to escape from.
So beautifully said Jonathan – ‘but in doing so we hand over our greatest tools to make our life truly beautiful; a life we wouldn’t ever want to escape from’.
Yes Jonathan, so beautifully said:
“We want to avoid the things that hurt us by checking out from them or distracting ourselves in some way, but in doing so we hand over our greatest tools to make our life truly beautiful; a life that we wouldn’t ever want to escape from.”
Great comment Jonathan…I am co-creating a life that I will never want to check out of again.
Thank you Janina for the reminder that the checking out behaviours I have used over the years has only been a cover to avoid feeling my own self-rejection. There is a warmth within me that I am starting to re-turn to feeling and I deeply appreciate having come across Universal Medicine for presenting that checking-out and avoiding hurts does not heal them, they remain until addressed. And if not addressed as you have shared with those figures on dementia that avoidance is not healthy for us and leads to much suffering, not just for the person with the illness or disease but those around them who lack that aspect and quality of love that the person could bring.
Yes Leigh, dementia has a hug effect on our society. Many families have to deal with relatives with dementia, with that a lot comes up for the famliy.
Beautiful Leigh, thank you for sharing with us the recognition of your behaviours and action you are taking now to deal with what could be your possible future. True responsibility.
How lovely your ” connecting in a loving way “Janina. The world needs more………….
Studies show initiatives designed to engage older adults in physical activity like walking, gardening and swimming are beneficial, yet I feel there is so much more could be done. My part towards this is teaching chair based exercises to older people in retirement homes.
There are some debates and discussions, plus the G8, they all seem to offer statistics and treatments rather than stimulating an international discussion on prevention and asking the question “WHY”.
Thank you Janina for this much needed article. Dementia is a huge thing worldwide. We all need to realise that the situation is going to get worse. Being present in everything we do is so important now more than ever.
Thank you, Janina… My feeling is we can never write too much about dementia and its associated illnesses. As I have written before the statistics on dementia worldwide are quite staggering, and really should be page 1 headlines around the world.
That dementia is so clearly associated with making a life choice to not be present, or being ‘ checked out’, as the saying goes is definitely one of the most profound insights that Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon can bring to the world. Recent headlines in Australia said that people of 30 years old are now being diagnosed with dementia. Is it possible that there is a correlation between the exploding plethora of opportunities to check out via social media etc is in some way related to people not connecting with themselves, and eventually losing all connection.
Wow that is awful and really scary that people age 30 are being diagnosed with dementia! We definitely need more true awareness regarding this.
I agree Chris, the statistics are staggering and we can never write enough on dementia. The effects of it on the person and their body, the effects on the families and social networks, on the community and service providers. I wonder if we have checked out to what all of this is actually meaning for the whole community, hence the lack of page one news stories. If it was on page one of every news paper for a month, maybe we we might just begin to twig?
It’s true Jen, the effects on those around them are definitely hard to deal with. It is like society thinks that because it is an end of life disease you just let it go, it is a part of getting old. But if people were aware of the statistics and that it is happening to the younger and younger, we might start to take more notice and think about the not so apparent, yet obvious causes.
Lisa your point that society thinks it’s an end of life disease I feel is spot on. This way it is relegated to being, inevitable, unavoidable, not something that an individual can take responsibility for as they have lost capacity to. But as very clearly put forward in this blog it is progressive and each person is responsible for what happens. It is ourselves choosing to stay with our own conscious presence or not. Dementia is a very unfortunate illness that can be very easily prevented. The prevention is so very simple I wonder why it doesn’t make our everyday news. What will be the extent of this disease before people are willing to truthful ask ‘is there another way’?
“Is it possible that there is a correlation between the exploding plethora of opportunities to check out via social media etc is in some way related to people not connecting with themselves, and eventually losing all connection.” – I feel it is very possible and probably probable that this is the case, especially as you shared James, that people at age 30 are already being diagnosed with this dis-ease. Social Media and online gaming are so huge and it is made so attractive to the young, I feel it is becoming an epidemic…
Fabulous article Janina.The statistics you quote are alarming and a discussion is much needed – we cannot let this spiralling state of affairs be ignored. The link between checking out and eventual dementia is very clear. Oh how important is it to be coming back to conscious presence!
I have been a big checker-outer – always telling myself hilarious stories about events in my head as I drive the car (people passing by seeing a woman laughing hilariously must wonder),reading a lot of novels and living other people’s lives through this, continuously thinking of the next thing I have to do while doing the previous thing, and the list goes on. . . I remember many many years ago I had an inkling that I must practice conscious presence but it all became too much – I could not maintain it and I gave up on it. Thank heavens for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine who re-introduced this to me (and all of us) and this time I felt the incredible support that was there and was able to persevere with having my mind stay with what my body is doing and not go elsewhere. The pull to check out is quite strong, but we can gradually ‘go against’ that pull, like salmon swimming upstream to the source.
Thank you Janina.
Janina I love how you have ended this blog with a question? This questions is so powerful as it has made me realise the seriousness of this epidemic and that it is not only in Germany that the statistics are coming through.
How often do we all check out in the day? Powerful blog to ponder on.
‘Now I have a different marker in my body and I can see and feel that I am not empty but that I am full of life and vitality; this gives me a constant reminder to choose to stay present.’ – That’s incredible Janina!
I agree Susie – that is a strong marker now Janina and one I will also set for myself, thank you.
It is a very good question to ponder and one to open up the discussion with , Why there is a growing epidemic of dementia with in our communities ? Thanks Janina for your sharing and about conscious presence, and checking out behaviours that we like to do to not feel or disconnect.
If we spend our whole life engaging in practices designed to help us escape from life then eventually this becomes what we live. When we loose the connection to who we are and everyday seems like misery it is no wonder we want to live in our own world – but this comes with a cost and a great detriment to ourselves as the statistics are clearly showing.
It is not easy at first to deal with how we feel and let go of our hurts so that we can engage with ourself, life and those around us. But when I look at the alternative, the path of dementia, then the choice to be present and in life to the best of my ability makes much more sense.
Exactly, Rachel. It may seem like an easier option at the time to check out and avoid our feelings, but in the long term it does not serve us as individuals or collectively to withdraw from life, as this is not how we are designed to be.
This is so true Rachel, and yet we haven’t yet connected these life style choices with dementia, but as you explain it, it makes so much sense why dementia is sky rocketing. I used to want to watch TV at the end of the day, everyday plus more hours during the weekend because I didn’t want to feel the stress of my day and week and was seeking relief from the tension I was carrying. It was almost like a craving. Dealing with my emotions has supported this need and now I hardly watch at all. It makes sense to make the choice to stay present to the best of our ability because the alternative isn’t great.
I agree, Rachel, it is not enough understood why dementia is on the rise nowadays, otherwise there would be more public articles about this to inform humanity concerning the harm the internet or TV has on our brain, especially kids.
Could you describe this some more Kerstin? What harm does TV and internet has on our brain? What is your experience as you have children?
Great question Janina. I am very worried about the impact TV, Internet and all other digital distractions are having on my kids.
Hi Ilja, there is a great blog on everydaylivingess.com about “TV addiction” which describes quite well the impact on our wellbeing.
You give a prime example of checking out with surfing the Internet, and so many of us do this now, so many more kids. It’s really not good. Also you expose how we do not look after our elderly anymore. We need to build better communities that include the elderly and do not push them to the side to forget about them.
I agree Janina. We have to start asking “What has led us to this epidemic?” I remember a couple of decades ago it was being said that dementia was on the rise because of the use of teflon pans….that ingesting the aluminium coating on cookware was the cause of dementia. There may be some truth in that. I’m not a scientist, so can’t say if this is true, but it doesn’t sound good for the body! But from my own experience in life I can certainly attest to being aware of how people are checking out and/or numbing themselves with distractions of all sorts like television, alcohol, drugs, and food to name a few. What a wonderful service you are providing – just being present in your day, whether it is with someone with dementia or not.
Thanks Janina, dementia is an epidemic and it starts at a very young age.
I too have struggled with checking out, and still do. The crazy thing is that when I connect to life, to nature, to people, to my own body, I am truly amazed and inspired.
For much of my life I did not want to be aware of what I was feeling or accept the choices of others, and so I learnt to check out, usually into my mind. This soon became my default program, and now I have the job of re-programming myself to be present at all times.
Universal medicine and the many modalities that it has presented have offered me the greatest support in re-learning to be present in my body. From simple breathing exercises, body movement, walking and hands on work presented at workshops and retreats, all have supported me to be more aware of what I am feeling and staying present with myself – the greatest gift of all.
I Take my hat off to all those people who work with the elderly in homes, me personally find it really quite confronting and upsetting, as a lot of the time it’s not just a few years
Yes Jaime it is confronting and upsetting. But everybody chooses their own path of live, thats how i see it now.. And to go into sympathy, harms myself and does not support them.
But through not backing off and turning away from people with dementia i was able to look at my own long path of checking out, thats why it was for me confronting in the first place.
Yes Janina the part where we don’t turn away but stay with what we feel is confronting us when caring for people with dementia, is an opportunity for evolution. Evolution because I discovered I confront my own fears and concerns of the disease and I’ve learnt a much deeper level of acceptance of who a person is. Our connection with love is what matters and this makes a huge difference to us all.
“Our connection with love is what matters “, i agree Sandra. When i go to met the lady with dementia i can observe she lives in world of her own surrounded by other people with dementia also in that check out world. But when i meet her she takes a moment to realize who is standing in front of her, than recognizes me and is glad to get out of the home to go for a walk.
To put people with dementia together with other people with dementia is really difficult for them as they get basically reflected the same state their are in themselves.
Wow Janina – what an amazingly simple yet so profound article that if listened to could just revolutionize how we treat dementia and as you say start to decrease these very alarming rates. A great and inspiring read – thank you.
Janina I love how you were able to connect to the reflection being offered by people with dementia and deepen your understanding of how checking out was actually also present in your life. The rising rates of dementia should indeed be a big wake-up call to us all, a stop and an opportunity to ask “why do we want to escape our daily lives?”. It seems we fill our days up with anything to avoid feeling what’s really going on. Yet I’ve learned that while it can be painful to feel into some of the choices I’ve made and the damage this has caused to myself or others, in the end it creates space for more of the real me to be present in my day. I’ve noticed that when more of me is present, I less often feel that I want to check out.
Yes we do all check out and there are now many people who are choosing to check in more and to stay connected to our bodies. To check out is a world wide epidemic. I know for me that self love has been the only way to even begin to get on top of the whole checking out syndrome. My chosen way of check out has pretty much been the television. However it was not until I began to address the lack of love that I actually had for myself that I even saw that I was actually checking out. Now as I love myself more dearly each day, I am seeing other ways where I have chosen to not be present in what I am doing. Self love for me has been the key to addressing just how much and where I check out. So therefore love brings us back, how powerful is that. This I just recently experienced with my close relative who’s in the final stages of dementia, being with her and choosing love enabled her to be very present and to even respond in love. This experience was so beautiful that it bought tears to my eyes.
Thank you for sharing Leigh:
“So therefore love brings us back, how powerful is that.”
It is brilliant that subject is being shared. I can feel the like between making choice to start checking out and finding ways to numb ourselves which can then lead to the onset dementia. Lovely that you have related your experience of your own awareness concerning how you have checked out. As you say dementia is not a natural result of the ageing process, and it is increasing across the worlds population. Thank you.
There were times in my life when it was so intense that I almost made the choice to become a mental patient. I thought that would at least stop the world getting at me. I also know it was a very fine line, that I played with fire and that it would be a choice to lose my mind. Ultimate checking out. So that would surely have a huge affect on my brain and my whole body if I would have given in.
Thank you for sharing Simone, this would be an very important subject to write a blog about!
Janina, thank you for this amazing blog, you have shared so much for me to ponder on. Even as I read your article I could easily see the moments where I wanted to ‘distract myself’ or wonder off – that is, not be present in this very moment. Practising as a nurse I have seen many patients with dementia in my early training and I can now see how I too reacted to the sadness that I felt with seeing someone so disconnected; but I can also now see how important it is for me to simply choose connection for myself and to ponder more deeply on this and actively choose to remain present wherever I can. Your question of how we came to be this way, I would say is from choosing to be this way – and with this awareness I feel we can choose to be present in life again.
‘ To feel all and to stay present with myself…, and not to run and numb myself when I can feel some struggle or pain’. This sums it up concisely. I remember Serge Benhayon saying ‘that we are equipped to handle everything we feel’. However, the running and numbing ourselves if and when we feel something uncomfortable or unpleasant, is like a bad habit tied to an old pattern of anxiousness that what we feel will overwhelm us.This is not true and feels like a trick which sets us up to bury deeper that which needs to come out and be dealt with; a set up that cement us in our emotional issues. Universal Medicine has exposed the harm caused by ‘checking out’.
This is great what you share David:
“that we are equipped to handle everything we feel’.” If we embrace this knowing there is no need anymore to check out!
Absolutely David – it is an old habit to protect us from feeling our own hurts, a place of ‘comfort’ that we go to, even though it is actually a very ‘uncomfortable’ place. Serge Benhayon’s sentence ‘we are equipped to handle everything we feel’ is so opening and freeing . . . the body relaxes just at the very thought of it. Understanding the way we use reactions and emotions in our lives is the greatest key to liberation for the whole race.
Thank you for this powerful blog Janina.
Through my experiences from working in a home for the elderly for some years – with a lot of people suffering from dementia – and from seeing the effects of dementia in different members of my extended family, I cannot but agree that dementia is something that you rather choose in order to check out from feeling what has “gone wrong” in your life.
The people suffering from dementia that I have met all had two things in common: a neglect of themselves and their true feelings and a lack of true connection with themselves, other people or the world in general.
A contrasting example and some proof for my theory has been a 100year old lady at the home, who was physically still quite fit, listened to the news each morning and had read the newspaper before six in the morning, then went for a small walk in the park and after breakfast corresponded with here family through letters and phone calls in a very loving manner each and every day. She had such an incredibly open approach to life and the world like I have rarely met in anyone else – and no sign of dementia.
My own experience mirrors this – I had a Grandparent that was fully engaged with life till he died, always learning, engaging with others, and most importantly living fully. There was this intense sparkle in his eyes right up to his passing away. Meanwhile another Grandparent, who had led a full and interesting life, simply stopped when he retired and you could feel that he gave up inside… and dementia set in some years later. For myself it was always intensely painful to witness as I understood so little of what was going on, but your insight Janina makes so much sense.
Thank you Michael, this example you describe of the 100 year old lady is beautiful and inspiring. If we we take responsibility ,connect to ourself and and other people live makes sense at any age.
Thank you Janina for a very inspiring article. This is a subject which definitely needs to be talked about and brought out into the open, so that people start to realise the long term effects of checking out.
I used to think that day dreaming and fantasising about things I would like in life, for example winning the lottery and what I would do with the money was just a harmless pastime, but it is not – for me it was a way to numb myself and is actually quite addictive. These days I am more aware of when I check out but it’s something that I have to watch quite closely because it never seems to be very far away.
Janina, thank you for inspiring me to start speaking truth about the underlying causes of this epidemic. Your blog has invited me to connect to the multitude of people checking out and to take a fresh look at my own choices to distract myself to avoid feeling what is going on for me.
Well said Katinka. Yes this blog has inspired me too. I still distract myself so I don’t have to feel what is going on around me. And then I distract myself so I don’t have to feel the consequences of having been distracted! Time to get a little more honest.
Yes Rebecca, one you have started to distract or check out for what ever reasons you get caught up by an energy wanting to do more of that because it feels ugly.
This is beautiful, It is indeed very much to be aware of the true cause of dementia, and that a lot of people live this cause every day.
Janina, your blog is very inspiring. As I also am working partly with persons suffering dementia, I can feel the lostness of those people in the nursing homes, This also brought me back to myself and to detect the ways I am checking out.
How important is it to stay present, and only from there true healing can occur. This is very needed in our society.
Thanks for writing this Janina although I have illuminated many things from my life that were major check outs for me there is still other things that I still have by no way mastered, like my mind running off into what I’m doing tomorrow instead of remaining with the task in hand. People need to wake up to the fact that checking out is the real danger here.
The statistics of dementia are alarming Janina and are not isolated to Germany. You have opened up a much-needed discussion on the the very disconnected and checked-out way we live as a society that is behind this condition. Seeing dementia as an end-point and a direct outcome of the way we have been choosing to live is not, as yet, a topic addressed by the current medical establishment. But it needs to be.
Enjoy bringing yourself and your love to your work with the dementia patients.
Indeed Janina what has lead us to this epidemic?
Recently my mother died, at age 94. For the last 10 or so years of her life she suffered quite severe Dementia and Alzheimer’s disease. She lived a life of checking out and giving her life over to the so called service and care of others, without any care for herself.
I am aware of this pattern within our family and am endeavouring to take steps to feel life around me. I am also aware to let life spin outside me not inside me and to respond to life from a place of true love and service.
Thank you Janina for your gentle reminder, sharing your experience and for your wisdom.
Shirl thank you for your awareness and steps you take to stay with yourself. If these simple steps were shared with many people to raise awareness it would go a long way towards prevention for future generations and slow down the onset in the current generation. How freeing would that be for everyone? People would spend less time worrying about their loved ones, less energy worrying about their own prognosis and health systems would benefit immensely. What is the delay in sharing what many already understand: that how we spend our time and thoughts has a direct impact on our mental health.
Janina thank you so much for writing about Dementia. I can feel that you ponder deeply about it and your conclusion is mind blowing. I was also very good in checking out and the thing was I was not aware of it. It was so normal for me to do this that I did not notice what I was doing. It was the reflection of others who made me aware of this. So yes a real contact is very much needed to get a reflection that there is an other way.
Janina, thank you for sharing your observations and experiences. I agree it is time to bring a different understanding to dementia and to aging. You in your presence will bring a very different and engaged way of interacting in life, can we have a Janina in every dementia nursing home please!
Thank you Janina, I was interested to read the statistic …” In Germany we have at present about 1.4 million people with dementia and they expect a rise up to 2.2 million by 2030…”. After reading this, I couldn’t help but ponder why it is expected to rise… What’s changed over the recent years to have an influence of this statistic?… Then I thought about internet gaming and could see how the increasing use of computer gaming and internet usage encourages the gamer to check out, and consequently become an addictive lifestyle. This addictive nature of gaming encourages a person to choose to checkout rather than be present.
Hi Jo
We could almost put anything that we ‘do’ into the why is dementia increasing. I know for me there was study and travel and certainly drugs and alcohol. The follow up question for me is why are we wanting to disconnect or check out? What is going on that we are looking to escape ourselves and our lives?
Janina, what a thought-provoking blog. It has given me something to reflect on around my own checking out and being distracted to not want to feel what’s going on around me. Something for me to be more aware in my day today, Thank you so much.
Your words have been very helpful to me Janina, especially in realising that being fully aware will bring confronting moments, and also that not wanting to see what is going on around me that is uncomfortable also shuts me off to seeing and feeling all the love and beauty that life has to offer. Thanks for inspiring me to go deeper with accepting all that comes to my awareness.
There is a very clear reality that hits hard and to the core when it comes to our bodies, illness and disease – whether that is observing or living with that in someone close or further away or within ourselves. No detail, symptom or signal from the body is insignificant. Some of my moments of my biggest wake up calls has been in feeling the consequences of my choices in my body as well as the consequences of another persons choices in their body. These moments I have experienced have been such a stop, it is like I come to a complete and absolute stand still.
The dementia statistic is utterly frightening. I don’t know anybody with dementia but it is true that I must know somebody who has a friend or relative with dementia – they just don’t talk about it. Why not? Thanks for bringing dementia into the spotlight for us – and also the offering to consider how we check-out in daily life with the things we do. We are often/mostly doing something throughout the day – but where is our mind when we are doing those things?
When a situation presents itself, in this case dementia, it is a great opportunity to reflect what this means for us as you have beautifully done Janina. Checking out of life through distraction has become the norm for most of us. I have found certain distractions are so embedded in the way I live eg watching TV, eating salty or sugary food that these have been difficult to give up. What I do know is as I develop my self love and make a commitment to truly living life, these distractions are slowly subsiding.
Great point Anne, it is easy to say when something is not right but if we do not offer an alternative it can become a bit much and make us want to check out even more. I love how you share the more self-loving we are the less likely we are to want to check out. Simple choices like go for a walk everyday, instead of that extra TV time could just make a world of difference.
Yes, Caroline, when we bring self love into our lives we can start to feel clearer what activities do support and reconnect us and which don’t. Like going for a walk instead of watching TV.
It is sad to feel and see the people who have dementia and how lost they are, but it can be a great reflection for us to recognise where we can in our daily lives use different ways of checking out, which then gives us the choice to change and choose to be responsible with what it is that we are trying to avoid. For me I realise that going into distraction can not only be some of the horrible things that I see or feel, it can also be because I am not appreciating how wonderful I am and how much I have changed.
Great observations Janina, you are clearly writing from what you have felt in being in the nursing home and the connection you shared with your own checking out and it leaves little room for doubt in what you reveal to be underlying dementia. I have felt the same and know that the times I was not present with myself or what I was doing in the moment it would simply not register. I would have little or no memory of it and it would feel very unreal. This is a simple momentary reflection of the root of what dementia actually is.
Janina a great article that also hits home, reminding me of the choices that I make and the fact that by not choosing to be present I am choosing dementia. I also had experience of a grandparent with Dementia and would avoid coming into contact with that situation. By understanding what leads to dementia and our choice to be present and not opt out of life, there is now a clear answer to the issues of dementia, something that is a growing epidemic.
What a ‘hitting home’ sentence – “by not choosing to be present I am choosing dementia.” That is stark reality expressed so clearly – boy do we have to work even more on staying consciously present in all we think, say, do – thank you David, this really hits home!
Yes indeed, this hits home, and needs more attention I get this as well, Karina.
There are tiny little moments I am doing this still. I choose to walk with every step in conscious presents right now!
I also still check out, mind wander and try to escape Janina. but now I become aware of it and know that is what I am doing, and can bring myself back to being present with me in my body. I am also aware of why I am doing it. If I relate dementia to that it becomes very obvious why it develops. I also notice that people I know who have been “ahead” of themselves all their lives, living in a state of always thinking to the future, become more and more forgetful. Your call to ask those who are working with dementia in any way to start to ask questions about the way we live our lives and not just accept that it is a given in old age, is so important. After all, not everyone gets it, so there must be an underlying cause of the illness brought about by the way that has been lived. What you have expressed here is the first step to turning the overwhelming prognosis around.
As you say Janina, “dementia is not only a side effect of people getting old, it is a clear reflection of a society which is choosing to check out and distract as a normal way of being”.
I spent a lot of my youth doing this, as I didn’t want to feel the ugliness that was going on in the world around me.
It can be really confronting to feel the full extent everything that is so wrong with our world, so removed from our natural loving way of being.
It seems the tools of distraction today are growing in accordance to the difficulties we are facing.
These staggering statistics are seriously calling us all to start checking IN, being responsible for our part and being as present as we are able in each moment. It feels important that this information along with simple ways we can connect to our bodies be part of school education to build awareness in younger people also, so they don’t become the statistics of the future.
Thanks for bringing so much awareness to something that we don’t seem to think is much of an issue in society – checking out and not wanting to engage with life. It seems to be coming more and more prevalent in society with TV, internet, social media and video games all being used as a way not to connect with each other. I know that I have used these things to not feel what is going on around me and now I know that feeling everything – even the things that do not feel great – is to be a part of life and humanity, and not separate from it – and that means getting to feel all the amazing stuff as well!
Definitely, the questions must be asked: So what is going on?! It is great that you are talking to people about it, and connecting to the people in the dementia nursing homes. Both are very needed, and something for us all to do. It is so important to care for the elderly.
This blog touches on some very interesting points. One question that comes up for me is ‘how young do we start checking out?’ If we are growing up surrounded by adults who are living in a way that includes not being very present, checking out and engaging in the many different forms of distraction on offer, what we are constantly seeing is that this way of living is ‘normal’. This starts from a very young age. Serge Benhayon was the first person to bring to my awareness that distraction and checking out have a huge affect on us, our body and our well-being.
I agree Vicky “Serge Benhayon was the first person to bring to my awareness that distraction and checking out have a huge affect on us, our body and our well-being.”
To be present with our body is what is natural for the body.
What an awesome blog Janina about an illness that is quickly becoming like a plague in our society. I absolutely agree that it is something we need to start talking about, as are all our ills but it is fantastic that this experience has found its way to you and for you to get the conversations started. Imagine if we all had this understanding, of where dementia truly comes from and how to live in a way that is truly present and committed in life to all that is there for us to feel and deal with. I too have had my list of checking out tools to not have to feel, and am now getting back into life in FULL. Its a glorious thing.
Great blog Janina, checking out in life has harsh consequences whereas checking in on a regular basis brings us to joy.
Awesome blog and I loved reading about the reflection that dementia gives to our society.
This really made me stop and think about when I check out and funnily enough I have been very conscious of checking out the last couple of days. It feels like I have a choice right now to connect to more of me or check out and distract myself from what my body is feeling and telling me what it wants. If I choose to distract myself and choose this for a number of years I get how you wouldn’t want to feel this choice and hence then choose more distraction and checking out.
Exactly Sally, this is how it works. Checking out is a choice how to live life, and if it is practiced for many years, it becomes dementia, thats the name of this game. Choosing not wanting to be in this life is played in little moments and this momentum will grow as we get older. If there is something we don’t want to feel – checking out seems to be the easy way to deal with it, but it comes back in a horrible way, named dementia.
Janina thank you for bringing up this important issue of dementia that affects so many people worldwide and is a growing problem.I have personal experience of this as my mother has Alzeimers which is a form of dementia. It was diagnosed 5 years ago since my father died I could gradually recognise how she didn’t want to take responsibility and to check out from what she was feeling. I see it in her eyes, the lack of sparkle as you say. It’s as if a light has gone out which is so sad. I visit her as often as I can, as she doesn’t live close to me, and do what I can to support her. She doesn’t remember I’ve been as her life is lived moment by moment. She has coped living on her own with the help of carers every day, but my sister is able to move in with her very soon as lately her dementia has got worse. She goes to a day centre run by Age UK which is a great support and provides some social interaction and hot meals. My mum alwayys had zest for life and was very sociable. I have visited the day centre and enjoy talking to some of mums friends there, quite a few of whom have dementia too. I try to look beyond the dementia and feel the person they really are underneath.
I am sure the lady you are visiting will greatly benefit from your visit, and the loving way you are with her. Thanks again for bringing awareness to this huge topic which is very much needed.
This is a very important subject and great that you have asked the question Janina “What is really going on?”. I discovered in my age care course that dementia is not a normal part of ageing so why isn’t this question being asked worldwide. Because the statistics are now so high, it could become one of those things that are so common, such as drinking alcohol, that we then call it “normal”. I work in aged care and spend time with clients with dementia. Thank you for exposing the fact that checking out in small ways throughout our life can lead to a massive check out at the end of life. I so appreciate that through the presentations of Universal Medicine, that as I age, I am checking in more and more each day.
So true Irene. Dementia is not a ‘normal’ part of aging. What you are bringing through with your work with your clients is super inspiring for them and their families as they get to see and feel and super gorgeous women in her elder years that is engaged, present in all you do involved and connected to her inner spunk.
It is really weird because I spent half my life checking out and then many, many years working to reconnect to myself following the consequences of checking out. What I have discovered is that the more I check-in the more gorgeous I feel and life is so awesome. Makes me wonder why I checked out in the first place when it is so gorgeous to be me?!
Yes me too Nicola, the more I check in and connect with me and my body, the more yummy I feel. But I can also see why I have chosen to check out and distract myself…and it is in those moments and situations when I didn’t want to feel or face the reality of what is before me, the reality of my choices, or the hurts that may be triggered from life. I have come to understand that it is simply a choice…to either numb & distract & not deal wit my issues, or to be more honest, make a daily commitment to connect to me & the truth as best I can & deal with my issues. Life is much more fulfilling when I choose the latter.
I am learning to be present in my live and to feel what is going on (to no perfection) and the beauty that my day brings. Even when it is challenging, things i need to look at and heal, but when i stay open and accept the daily challenges, i actually can learn from them and grow! This is awesome and new. But this was only possible because i changed my relationship to myself: from deep self-loathing and disregard to embrace and deepen my appreciation for myself and the beauty that i am and bring. And because i started to open my heart, let people in now and connect to people, so life started to make sense again.
Such an inspiring article Janina, I feel Dementia has in the past been “swept under the carpet” not spoken about till the ultimate happen and dementia presents itself – no different I feel to not speaking about death or dying. Bringing awareness to this numbing out ‘dis-ease’ can only serve to help others make different choices of how they live their lives. Being present brings out a way of living life in our fullness of who we truly are and, all the natural beauty which is waiting for us to acknowledge and live.
Beautiful said Marion “Being present brings out a way of living life in our fullness of who we truly are and, all the natural beauty which is waiting for us to acknowledge and live.”
Oh yes, very beautifully expressed indeed and a great ponter for us to take into our days with us – this is very supportive.
This is great Janina. A much needed exposure on what causes dementia. It is great that you and many others are beginning to change the pattern and the way of life that leads to this condition that is now so horrifically common.
This is a much needed topic to be given attention to. There is a strong connection between checking out and dementia, and it is important for people to accept how harming it is for us to live a life of not being present. The young are so checked out in life at present, and the consequences of that are pretty dire. This has to change, so the more we stay with ourselves the more we help those we come into contact with. Thanks Janina for bringing this much needed topic to the fore.
A VERY much needed topic to give attention to indeed Lorraine.
I agree with you Lorraine “The young are so checked out in life at present, and the consequences of that are pretty dire”. This is a mostly a reflection of how their parents have lived themselves checked out in their ways. Mobile, internet, games are addictive to get yourself lost in. The only way to change the trend is to start living with love and presence to present to everybody around you that there is another joyful way to live.
Great to stop and consider what is really on with dementia and not just accept it to be part of life and aging or something that ‘happens to/overcomes us’. With asking these questions and actually allowing to see and feel our own part and responsibility in this condition we can start to make changes. I have recently noticed how much I am forgetting where I used to remember everything and my first thought/worry was: am I getting dementia? I observe I make a start with being present with everything I do, yet often don’t stay present continuously. Work in progress here, especially with allowing myself to feel all there is to feel and not reinterpret by checking out.
As you have found in research Janina dementia is rising. The scary thing is look at the youth of today that would have to have their phone surgically removed from their hand. The people that live playing online games and the only interactions with others is with an avatar. How long before dementia is no longer something that takes a life time to develop. A lot of todays youth fit your discription of the people in the home ’people with no sparkle in their eyes, vague, looking and feeling very apathetic and with this blank stare’.
Thank you Janina for your beautiful expression. I can relate to what you say about checking out in front of the TV with a couple bottles of wine. Thankfully that is all in the past and like you I feel much more alive and vital. As you say, it is very important to choose to stay present, so this is a great reminder to where ‘checking out’ can easily lead us.
What a beautiful sharing Janina, and I love your own realisations and evolution through this experience. I can so relate to this ‘checked out’ way of being I also used to be part of. And observing this now in our young is truly disturbing. This is definitely a conversation to be had with many on a a huge level.
Great article Janina, you are doing the lady you are seeing a great service by writing about it and getting the responses. More and more people will start talking about dementia, so we can wake up to the fact that checking out is a major problem. Today with so much more on the market to distract us and keep us in a checked out state this epidemic will be severe unless we start making everyone aware of what is happening.
I am sure that the lady you’re looking after will get a healing from your loving presence, Janina.
Slowly, but surely, all the students of The Way of the Livingness will bring that loving presence into the world. It is needed, because most people don’t know that there is another way. I too felt so lost and hopeless that I wanted to check out completely, but thank God, for me no numbing device was strong enough to cover over the pull to the truth and I found Universal Medicine.
Thank you Janina for this fresh view on the source of dementia. It feels very true what you say that dementia is the result of us checking out for the reality of life, and by ingraining into this behaviour we can develop dementia, a total check out and giving up on life and loosing the vitality, joy and purpose to life completely. In the view that we are that much more, that we have the power to live the vitality that is within, this condition feels absurd to me. Therefore it is a great question you raise Janina, “what has led us to this epidemic?”
Thanks Janina, ‘check out’ is such a great symbol, even if I just use a supermarket for an example, unless I stay present with myself with what I am doing anything can happen – lose my wallet, forget things on my list, etc. then when I get to the check out everything I need for my life (groceries, money) is not all there. I have ‘checked out’ before I even get to the check out. This to me is a symbol of my life. If I don’t stay present in each moment (life) and become distracted with my mind by anything (and the world is full of distractions) then I am checking out. Unfortunately this behaviour becomes the norm and little ‘check outs’ can become a complete mindful ‘check out’ – dementia.
A great article, Janina. “Dementia is not only a side effect of people getting old, it is a clear reflection of a society which is choosing to check out and distract as a normal way of being.” Absolutely. Somehow it has become our ‘normal’. I visit someone with dementia at hospital regularly. He’s been there for 4 and a half years now, and it’s not always easy to stay connected with myself, not get affected by or go into sympathy with the people and the place, or get sympathised. It’s a very testing ground.
Wow Janina, what a great blog. This is truly an inspiration to be totally present and to deal with any residual ‘stuff’ that might be lurking around the block so to speak, that needs to be cleared. Every day I find myself still checking out from time to time, but now much more briefly than ever before. I used to fill my every spare minute with a distraction of some kind. Thanks to the inspirations from Universal Medicine and co-students of life such as yourself, I am now more and more claiming my life in full and ever increasing my own body awareness and connection to me and all that surrounds me.
The awareness you have shared and the presence you commit to bring Janina is such healing not just to the lady with dementia or only in the elderly home, but for everyone–as checking out is such a norm in our society.
Living our presence as you have done so, shows the world that there is another way–one that is with support and connection. With such a world, would we need to check out so much? Thank you for the inspiration.
Having had family members with dementia I have been able to observe the “checked-out” state they are in before dementia but have also witnessed the ripple effects that it causes the family to shut part of themselves down and in turn “check out.”
This is adding another level: one person with dementia affects those around them as they in turn do not want to feel the checked outness they have lived alongside. Thank you, Oliver.
Yes Oliver and Matilda, this is a very important aspect to look at and my experience too! People with dementia reflected in a more intense way the way I have lived myself-this was a huge ouch! If you are not willing to deal with this you join in with them to check out. And the energy of dementia is very strong. My experience is it needs focus and presence to stay present around people with dementia and to hold them with love.
A great point Oliver; dementia can have massive affects on family members and friends – as you say they can ‘shut part of themselves down’, and mirror the ‘checked out’ state of the person diagnosed.
I have spent much of my life in ‘checked out’ mode dwelling in the past, worrying about the future, all the while being under the influence of alcohol and marijuana but rarely in the presence of each moment.
That dementia has become an epidemic confirms for me that many others may like me, be reluctant to take responsibility for choices that have been, and are continuing to be made.
An acceptance also of where one is truly at as opposed to where we ‘think’ we ought or should be could also be a contributing factor.
Could it be as simple as not being willing to own our behaviour and unhappy with ‘our lot’ we choose to avoid the feelings that these realisations can bring to such an extent that we merely reside in our own vacant houses?
The way that you describe the people in the home you visit Janina is heartbreakingly sad and if there is even the slightest possibility that any of what here expressed is true then we can begin to accept ourselves as we are right here and right now.
We hear that dementia is affecting people at a younger & younger age, and this is no surprise from what you have presented. There are so many more ways to check-out for children and it starts from as soon as they can swipe a screen. They have access to TV, movies at the touch of a button, iPads, internet & x-box, etc. There is such a huge amount of easily available junk food to help them disconnect, should they so choose. Screen time & sugary food are both very limited in our house, but this not the norm. It may soon not be a disease of the elderly but of all ages if we don’t monitor our checking-out.
Very true Carmin, we are encouraging behaviours in our children that have the strong potential to lead them into early onset dementia. What is taking place in our lives that is causing us to want to avoid ourselves to this extent? Why are we choosing to distract ourselves, when there is such a wealth of love and warmth within to connect to and live with every day?
I remember that too Willem, playing a lot of board games and Lego inside with others, and a lot of outside play when the weather would allow it. There was active interaction with friends and a lot of physical activities too. TV was restricted to Saturday afternoon for a couple of hours and kids show in Sundays for an hour or so, and that was it. Nowadays I see 2 year olds on I-phones playing games, I know one family where the little girl got a kids PC for Christmas before she was 3 years old. It starts earlier and earlier – so where is all this heading? And the more important question – how to make a difference to this behaviour so that the love inherent in all can start to be felt again…
Janina this is an important topic to explore, and is a constant topic in the aged accommodation (for the healthy) where my elderly mother resides. It is seen as a fate worse than death because of the burden it creates on families and others, and the horror of just not being in your body anymore, not being present. I have been reflecting on how much I have checked out with substances, reading, TV, thoughts etc when life has felt too intense – a pattern that still surfaces in much more subtle ways these days.
Yes Anne important aspect to look at what effects has the dementia on the families? How are families coping with family members who are diagnosed with dementia?
I feel that dementia will no longer be exclusively the domain of the elderly. More and more people of all ages are checking out of life, their actions proclaiming that it’s all too hard on many levels. Healing modalities that promote the awareness of living in the present are the life line that humanity is desperately calling out for. Thanks Janina for presenting this topic.
Thank you Janina, in my work I meet a lot of people with dementia in their own homes. To reflect our vitality, joy and love to these people is not only a healing for the person in question but what I notice also for the ones around them, they feel supported and see there is more to life then just letting days go by.
I love this Annelies because I get the feeling that you are truly supporting the people you visit. To bring joy and vitality into people lives that are and have been giving up on life is something that can re-inspire, re-connect and in my opinion undo years of loneliness. Very awesome reading how much you are doing this for the people your visiting.
This is a lovely observation and the service you bring feels so needed and you get the reflection of what you bring, awesome Annelies.
Thank you for posing the question of what is truly going on with dementia? How powerful this blog is in presenting that dementia is not a symptom of old age but the end result of “a society which is choosing to check out and distract as a normal way of being. And then, after doing that for years, they are ending up not wanting to feel how disconnected they have lived and finally want to escape from life completely.” I feel the truth in this and thank you for your expression Janina.
Well summed up Bianca
As I was reading your blog I was touched by how open and honest you were with how you felt when faced with the degree of dementia you were seeing in the dementia nursing home and how you didn’t shy away from the reality of life this is for many. Instead you were able to bring this into your own life by way of reflection and heal a part of you that needed to be healed and understood on a deeper level. Therefore allowing you to have a deeper understanding of the people you were seeing with this disease, opening up to them more and being able to connect with them more deeply. This is beautifully inspirational Janina, thank you.
Thank you Robyn, I must agree it was very challenging this past year. I wanted to quit this job many times and almost did this year, as I had so much work and an excuse. But I am so glad that I have been consistently dealing with the subject of dementia and it has brought me a deep healing. Through writing this blog and sharing a discussion with you all, I could go even deeper with my healing of checking out and being more steady holding the love and joy that I am, even when visiting the home for people with dementia.
Fantastic Janina. What a great reflection these patients have been for you, for you to contemplate how this may be present in small ways in your life currently. Through this you have now become a reflection for them to what is possible, that there is another way. Opening up the conversations about dementia is very important because as your statistics show (and that is just Germany – the whole world experiences this), dementia is on the rise and impacts not just those with this illness but all around them.
Janina, thanks for sharing this… a part of me wanted to check out and not pay attention when reading!! This is a somewhat confronting article for me as it exposes a lot… so thank you… I like it when an area of my life is brought to my attention, even if it is not so comfortable to look at!
This is a valuable reminder for me to consider that it is not only those suffering dementia in a home that have ‘checked out’ from life, but the very real possibility that there are ways in which I check out in my life too. Thank you for this example and reminder that you have shared with us.
Thank you Janina. Some very important questions raised. With the worlds elderly population increasing as we are living longer lives but with more chronic disease and mental illness than ever before I wonder what does the future hold? On a human and economic level how can the world support this. The questions you raise are much needed in society as life in our older years does not need to be lived this way. By continuing to engage with life and remaining active we can live purposeful and vital lives in our elder years. There needs to be a societal shift in how we view the elderly as there is much wisdom and knowledge to be gained from their lifelong experience.
I agree Anne-Marie, we all miss out as a society when a hug part of our elderly are checking out with dementia. It is so beautiful what our elderly bring and much needed.
I agree Janina. It is so beautiful what the elderly bring. And we need to bring back respect and value to all that they offer.
I absolutely wholeheartedly agree. Those that have lived many years of life have the richest of experiences. They have ‘been there’ and ‘done that’ and so what they can offer is absolute gold as they can share the ‘do’s and don’t’s ‘ as such of life ~ each person has such richness to offer and those that are ageing need to feel their value instead of fading into the distance and vastness of their minds and further into dementia.
Perfect timing for this blog, Janina as I was only yesterday sharing how important conscious presence was in helping me to deal with the ‘hamster wheel’ that can sometimes get carried away with itself up there in my head. What impulsed me to share this was the experience I had when going for my morning walk with my dogs….I had allowed myself to drift off into future events, quite haphazardly with no conscious planning and so brought myself back by just bringing my awareness to the little things in and around me – the breath in my lungs, how my legs were feeling, the colour of the rocks embedded in the dirt road as I walked along it, the light shining through the long grass, the sounds of the flowing creek, the formation of the rolling hills and the trees waving as I passed and I realised I was back with me in full and not just in my head anymore. It was like the ripples on a pond expanding out from me and it was quite beautiful to feel. The links between our choices to check out and understanding why we do so, feels to me a very worthy topic to explore and there’s no doubt in my mind that dementia is a result of ‘normalising’ our numbing and checking out behaviours.
This is a great call Janina and I can very much relate to the wanting to check out when things become a little intense.
I thought for are long time that this checking out behavior is something i only struggle with especially within the Student Body. How important is it to share honestly about subjects like these. To understand how common and widespread this checking out mentality is in our society. Before i met Serge Benhayon there was no other way of living to choose. Now there is….
This article challenges me to look at my own behaviours and intentions. Like you Janina, I can see certain ways and times where I check-out and I now ask myself why. Where does this need come from? Why is it too uncomfortable being fully present? I will be pondering on these questions now, thank you for bringing these issues up to be looked at.
Thank-you for your blog Janina, it is most definitely a much needed topic of discussion. A family member had Alzheimer’s Disease and has now passed, and when I look back on their lives, the checking out started many years before the onset of the disease. Your sharing of those statistics is a definite indication that something is going on that we need to look at.
Hi Janina,
Yes we do need to start this conversation. Myself and my family have experienced first hand the saddnes of watching a loved one live with dementia. I can plainly see in our case that wanting to check out of life was behind the disease. I feel also that there is an element of wanting to be cared for, wanting to be loved. To support people in the understanding that our love comes from within I feel will change the predicted dementia rates in the years to come.
Yes Leigh i agree with the element of “wanting be be cared for, wanting to be love” and it is so crucial to understand that nobody can love you, but that love is within us to feel and share with others.
I agree with you Leigh. Everybody truly wants to be loved and cared for and it seems to me that it’s more important than ever to allow the older generation that has developed dementia to connect to this and feel this love and care simply by truely connecting with who they are and what they have brought to this world, whatever that may have been with work or family or travels.
Thank you Janina, for this brilliantly insightful look at this alarming epidemic of our times. I appreciate your reminder – “not allowing myself to react but connecting in a loving way”
If not directly, how many of us have seen, or are faced with lives around us being lived out in this way?
I once saw a photo exhibition from pictures taken from people with dementia. The name of the exhibition was ‘Forgotten life’. Very striking name. If you think of it, checking out is forgetting the life you have/had, probably because it is to painful to think of the choices made or not made that keep us away from being all that we are.
Thank you Janina, such a worthwhile conversation to have – those statistics are astonishing!! And that is only in one country. As a global community we really need to be asking the questions you suggest – why is this happening? and why is it increasing? Something is not right.
“As a global community we really need to be asking the questions you suggest – why is this happening? And why is it increasing? Something is not right. ” … here here Sara Harris. We as a worldwide community do need to stop and look at taking some responsibility, as this epidemic can no longer simply be swept under the carpet. And with the increased number of children checking out on modern technology now it is unfortunately only a matter of time that the “age group”, that the first signs of the onset of dementia appears, is going to lower. And that too will be frightening.
Good point Sara, this problem is not confined to Germany but is a world trend. We spend so much time attempting to find a cure, rather than searching for the cause. If we understand the cause, we can prevent more people going the same way. Reducing the rising number of cases is just as important as finding a cure.
Great sharing Sara, and this topic is a much needed one to start the conversation with. Everything in life is geared to take us away, distract, impress and lure us, but do we not have a choice as to whether we choose to be taken away from being present with ourselves, and the choices that we make for our bodies, for one? It makes sense that if I make loving choices for myself and choose to be as present as I can be with my moment to moment actions, (to the best I can) I am in a much more empowered position and not just allowing myself to be pulled along by whatever the world throws at me and just be like a destiny pawn going along the track of life. We do have a say, but we need to be fully present in our lives to have that say.
Thank you for your insightful way of connecting with someone with Dimentia. It can be very challenging to do this with someone you care about deeply so particularly because the person you were attached to is no longer there in the way they used to be. This is a discussion we can deepen together as Dimentia brings up so much love and loss for all parties concerned. I know it was a complete freak out for my mother and actually exacerbated the condition as she lost her confidence rapidly so. What we did discover was that the love we had for each other continued unabated. We just had to find another way to connect with each other … For me there was a lot to let go of.
Beautiful what you share Suzanne “I know it was a complete freak out for my mother and actually exacerbated the condition as she lost her confidence rapidly so. What we did discover was that the love we had for each other continued unabated. We just had to find another way to connect with each other … For me there was a lot to let go of.”
This is what i experience as you are not able have a normal conversation with people with dementia it is important to connect to them in a different way, to hold them with love, presence and joy. And as they are extremley sensitive they can feel it and have a different reflection.
Another stand out point Janina about the heightened sensitivity of people with dementia and connecting through love, presence and joy when conversation is no longer possible. This is gold, as when we (en masse) do not want to know the true cause of dementia we also lose the wisdom of how to best support and heal those that have already developed dementia.
I can relate to how you felt seeing the dull eyes in the residents who have dementia. It seems like a such a waste of the latter part of a life, (when we should have so much wisdom to share) to not really be there. We have an ageing population – people are living longer these days. But in my research around dementia it is clearly stated dementia is not a normal part of ageing. So something is going on that is not considered normal by medicine. The worldwide phenomenon of ‘checking out’ has yet to be fully recognised or acknowledged. However we now see it in our kids if they spend too long on their devices or video games. The sparkle in their eyes is replaced by a dull glaze, poor concentration or ability to engage with us. I can also feel the many ways I check out in thoughts, eating, distractions etc. We are constantly feeling but we sometimes don’t like what we feel and want to avoid admitting what we have felt. We also learn from a very young not to trust what we have felt and go along along with what the adults say is true. This leads to a lifetime of denying the truth of what we feel and shutting down our engagement in life.
I agree Fiona. To have the elders of our communities lost to dementia is such a waste – all of their valuable experience and wisdom locked away and not accessible to their family and community.
If our elders are getting dementia from 70yrs+ (at a guess, I don’t know what the average age is) then the checking out must have started much earlier. But if our children are checking out now – is this a ticking time bomb for them heading for dementia at a much younger age? That’s what we don’t yet know.
Good research Fiona – it is clear this is not normal at all and yes, I see children as you describe also, which does not bode well for the future. I can also relate to the dilemma on a personal level. I too once lead a life like Janina’s and today can still find myself indulging in checking out as you describe – it’s become so habitual. I do it when I multi-task too, which feels like an even more sophisticated layering of the avoidance of feeling: by piling one task on top of another, there is definitely no time to feel.
Thanks for raising a great point here Victoria regarding the subtle ways we can check out when we multi task for keep ourselves in the overwhelm that overtime would have a reaching for ways to check out in order to release the tension we may be feeling.
Fiona the point you make about our kids checking out is so true. I have in the last six months spent a lot more time with teenagers and I have seen the destructive and ‘zombie’ effect of the use of computers and mobiles. They spend hours everyday on these devices and when they eventually come off it can takes hours of connecting with them before they can be fully present. Checked out teenagers is pandemic.
Hi Alison,
I was one of those teenagers who was on their phone a lot of the time. It really effected my communication skills as well as my confidence in being around people face to face. I remember being able to talk to a friend so deeply over the phone but in person I was barely able to look at them.
Thanks Fiona, what you share here just goes to show how in many ways, we are starting from so young to check out and not feel and then this is something we do without even being aware that we do it.
Hi Janina, this is a great way that you have discovered by your own experience. Both, you and the woman have an awesome chance to develop a deep connection in your relationship. The best way is to present even ill people the fullness and love that we are. Often people with dementia are angry about getting treated like a child or someone really stupid. Here is a huge demand for bringing appreciation and understanding to them with much joy and this for me had mostly lead into a harmony between those and myself. We can have very nice times with disabled or ill elder people and many respond very quick if they are met. This is my experience so far.
Thank you.
I agree Ingo. It is so important to treat people wit dementia with respect and love. My experience is that they are extremely sensitive and are able to feel everything, not matter how confused they are. So they feel if somebody is reacting and dislike the state they are in.
Great article Janina – me myself I am cutting as well my “comfort- checking-out zones” out. It is actually wasting time to live a life not truly being present. Being vulnerable in my day to day life is a big step for me into presence- because then I am open to feel everything that is there and I don’t have to run away… I remind myself now constantly to get out of the mechanism of numbness and I am looking forward to everything that unfolds.
Janina you are so right about checking out and the link to dementia. there are so many ways to check out now especially with our electronic society. I am so much more aware of when I am checking out and it is in small everyday ways- walking the dog and thinking about other things, having a shower and by the time you get out you cannot remember if you have soaped yourself as you have been on “automatic pilot” or eating a meal while reading the paper.
I have noticed that things happen to bring me back to being with me such as tripping on the concrete, cutting my finger with the knife, stubbing my toe, jamming my finger in the door. I am learning to not ignore these prompts in my life!
There is much to appreciate with what you have shared Anne. I can relate to what you have shared and I too am learning to not ignore the little stop moments in my day.
Thanks for a wonderful blog Janina. I love the honesty in your reflection on your own state of checking out, and the changes you made. “So now I present my whole self to that elderly lady with dementia, making sure I stay mentally present ,not allowing myself to react but connecting in a loving way with her.” She will feel the love and quality of connection that you present to her.
Beautiful Janina, first of all congratulations on your engagement!
Second of all…. my father had dementia and it was very sad to see him this way. He once said to my sister “how did I get this way?”, a heartfelt plea for an answer that we could not give. When I was growing up I did notice that he was quite withdrawn and seemed to spend a lot of time in the garden, fishing or sleeping. All forms of distraction and shutting out the world. There have been many reports that dementia is on the increase, and I too am puzzled as to why we are not asking why?
Thank you for your congratulations 🙂 Sandra.
We don’t want to look at the rise of dementia because it is very confronting. It is very confronting to feel somebody with dementia. We are not asking why dementia is on the rise because people don’t want to look at how they are living. Only through the loving support from Serge Benhayon, Unviversal Medicine and the Student Body, i was able to start looking at my live. It was not pleasant. Even i changed a lot my checking out with food and activity was very strong for many years. And it was really bad to become more aware of myself and observe me numbing myself with food almost everyday. Sometimes more sometimes less. And often watching TV and eating at the same time. Double check out. But i am healing this way of living now. Now i stopped watching TV completely with i would never thought is possible.
The power of reflection and claiming that you are living a different way will truly support the patients of the home. The reflection you bring will be felt absolutely in their bodies.
Thank you Janina for starting this discussion on dementia. The rates of diagnosis are climbing and here in Greater London and London everyday I either meet someone who mentions it, or I see it in the news, on buses or on social media. I know that the UK’s health system is struggling to cope with this with no-one knowing the cause. It’s even been associated to hayfever tablets! What you say here makes so much sense as in my experience the distractions are all a conscious effort to not be here. To run away from what we are feeling. Slowly slowly as I stop the running away and allow myself to feel more of what is going on, I too become more aware and actually accepting of what I see, so there is less need to run away. I couldn’t have made these changes without coming into contact with Universal Medicine, as the trust developed through my interactions with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine Practitioners has allowed me to develop a trust deep within myself which I now stand with and take with me everywhere I go. You will be making such a difference to that elderly lady Janina, in her closing years of life.
Shevon for me it was the same. I was able to start self loving, self appreciating and trusting myself through the contact with Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and the Student Body. Therefore i could experience being more confident and present with myself and in the world. Learning to deal and feel what is coming along my way – not like before to run & numb & hide=check out.
I too have had a tendency to run and hide and numb and check out and it is not a true way of living. It never brings true joy or love or connection, in my experience it only brings sadness. I’m starting to self love and appreciate myself as per the teachings of Universal Medicine as well and feel the magnitude of changes that it’s bringing to my life and my way of being.
Janina its’ wonderful that your experience with your friend’s mother at the residential home helped you to reflect on how you were living your own life. It’s insightful that you were able to relate the onset of dementia to the distractions you and many of us so often escape to in life. Like you, I have regular contact with people living with dementia in residential settings (and in their own homes). There are different types of dementia and different stages of the disease. It is lonely and isolating. As it progresses some people can no longer speak, communicate with others or express how they feel. Eventually, they can become totally dependent on others. It’s as if they are lost to themselves and others. They no longer live active and vibrant lives.’
But I can also say that in life I have at time also lost myself. I’ve noted how many more residents in their 40’s, 50’s 60’s are living alongside those in their 70s, 80s and 90’s. Dementia is no longer an old person’s disease. Like you, working and relating to people with dementia has taught me to be watchful of how I live my life now and to be present in present time. I have found myself losing words, forgetting names and telephone numbers I used to once remember. Modern technology doesn’t help. We have become reliant on tools outside ourselves to do things we once did ourselves: calculators, satnavs, mobile phones. Instead of being with ourselves many people spend hours staring at computer screens, and TVs. If we find ourselves sleep walking, it’s time to wake up.
This is such a fantastic article for it brings to the forefront something, which you say, has become an epidemic. It is now normal for us to accept that this is how we may get when we are old….this in itself is deeply shocking and sad. Once we are able to understand the importance of staying present with ourselves and not checking out, regardless of how harmless it sometimes seems, we are able to commit to a way of living which supports our future as well as our present.
When we allow ourselves to feel all as you say, we then get to also feel the loveliness and the joys around us as well. All of this we would be missing out on by disconnecting and going into our heads, not even realizing what we are doing at the time we are doing it. Thank you for the
wonderful awareness on dementia.
It is very thought provoking to ponder on why so many people are getting dementia. Is there more than the accepted explanation? I think your suggestion of how they have chosen to live their lives may have some validity to it.
I can feel how I sometimes eat too much to not feel what is going on around me it isn’t always easy to stay present all the time especially when like yourself I have a reaction to what I see but I have discovered if I contemplate why I have a reaction to something it is tied up with not accepting what I see and feel is a reflection of something I myself have not yet dealt with – responsibility.
So along with choices in life you have also highlighted the idea of responsibility thank you for opening the discussion.
Our lives are often full of stimulation, action and entertainment. It turns everything upside down to consider that we do all this in an attempt to be absent. In my life I have attended events, but looking back cannot remember the experience. It is so different when I live life with presence. It’s like every fibre of me is connected to every single thing in the world, I have no boundary, except what I can feel. It is true this means getting to feel things that may be harsh or unpleasant. But when we think we can control life by cutting these bits of it out we miss what these feelings are here to tell us. In my experience the only thing that ends up getting cut out when we take this approach is the truth. Your words reminded me Janina that Dementia is not an inevitable part of becoming old. We can make a life that continually grows in awareness if we choose. Thank you for a truly memorable blog.
Well said Joseph, I can relate to all of what you said! Indeed it is crazy the effort we put in daily simply numb ourselves out, and inturn forgetting the extent of the hurt felt yesterday thus choosing to checkout once again!
Great comments Joseph and Oliver, exposing the common tendency to avoid the areas of our lives that we do not want to face, and creating an ongoing cycle of distraction or checking out that takes us further and further from the truth.
Ouch Joseph how many times do we ‘do an activity’ only to not recall anything about it only that it’s …done. Crazy when we can connect so easily to ourselves and literally Be in every moment.
Hi Joseph,
Your comment is one that I relate to so much and feel we have such a common ground over. For me many of my life experiences have been a blur as I haven’t really been there, present in the moment. With the support of Universal Medicine’s lectures, workshops and retreats I’ve been able to look at why I haven’t chosen to be present and not wanted to feel life ~
In this I’ve missed out on so many lovely memories but I’m finding that now life is getting richer, deeper and more meaningful than it’s ever been because I’m choosing to be present in life and present in my moments.
“In Germany we have at present about 1.4 million people with dementia and they expect a rise up to 2.2 million by 2030, see link (1) below .” As you expressed Janina … what has led us to this epidemic?”” These numbers are staggering, when will we start to join the dots truthfully and be willing to accept what is really going on with people.
I can very much relate to your experience with people with dementia, it is very shocking and sad to see so many particularly elderly people not only withdrawn but totally disengaged from life. But as you so beautifully describe it can be a wake up call for us all to look at how we live our lives, as the older generation always reflects back to us were we are heading unless we truly make different choices.
Janina thankyou for starting the conversation about dementia. However I find that it is a confronting topic and a challenging concept for people to accept. I spent a lot of time with my mother in the last ten years of her life, living with Alzheimer’s Disease. I always had a clear understanding of what it meant for her as I had lived with her and watched her walk every step of the way. I did not ever question ‘why’ this was happening to her. I knew she had made a choice not to look at and /deal with her issues. She kept herself busy and distracted right up until she developed into the middle stages of the disease.
Many members of my family and her friends were expressing how sad it was and ‘why/how could this happen to her’ and many people stopped visiting her because they found it too confronting to see her in this ‘checked out’ state of being. I continued to be a constant in her life. I spoke to her about my life and the children etc as I would have with or without the disease. There were many moments when she would be looking at me, into my eyes and present with what I was sharing with her. Present and connected to me. Those moments were truly beautiful. It wasn’t always easy. Particularly in the early stages of the disease. There were some extremely frustrating times while she was transitioning.
Having lived through this experience, I am very motivated to stay present and not check out from what is going on for me in my body and my life. I know I have spent decades checking out using various things in which to do this, from television when young, to marijuana and alcohol as an adult, along with talking on the phone, sleeping, going out to whatever was going on, planning my next holiday, overeating, texting, Facebook , just to name a few! I have most of this in check these days, although the biggest one is still a work in progress and that’s is to stay present with my body in all that I am doing and not escape into my mind allowing it to wander where ever the wind blows it to at any given time.
I am inspired to have more conversations from your beautifully written, insightful blog.
Hi Mary-Lou. What you have shared here is so powerful with your experiences with your mum. I’m sure you do have much to share.
Thanks Mary Lou for sharing with us the loving way you related and connected to your mother. We can all learn from this. It is true some people relate to the onset of dementia in a friend or family member, with fear, embarassment or guilt. They run away from it. This is a missed opportunity. Individuals and communities in the company of people with dementia are shown daily how to give so much more of themselves. And if we can be open to it we can learn so much. Each day constantly reflects back to us our ability to stay open, connect to the essence of the person, not the disease, accept the person as they are, be patient and in the moment with them, listen, express and share with them in the same way we do with any other person. It can as you say be frustrating when we fall short, but very beautiful when a true connection is felt.
I agree with you Richard, the power of being present and to hold somebody with love is huge, and how healing it is for everybody, especially people with dementia to get that reflection.
In my work I have often seen carers and aged care facility staff speak to those with dementia in a condescending way – as if they are children – It is great you mentioned Mary-Lou how you would speak with your mother as you would any other person and how there were moments of connection and presence. This seems like wise medicine.
Janina I can so relate to what you have expressed, life has for so many become about making time to check-out whether it is with TV, Internet, alcohol etc. I too have spent much of my life choosing to not be present and feel how I have been living, as to do so would mean having to take true responsibility for my choices. While I am by no means perfect, I am finding taking the time to stop and feel, I am becoming more honest with myself and taking greater responsibility in the choices I make. This is an ever developing process and one I don’t wish to check-out from.
Janina, This is a much needed conversation to be had. To me, Dementia feels like a medical term given when people reach a really bad state of checking out in life. I love how you shared your experience of checking out in many ways and I feel we all do it in our own ways using many different ways( TV, internet, books, talk, work, etc). We have taken these ways of distracting as normal part of life. It’s a very acceptable excuse not be present and no one, not even you take responsibility of it because its just so called normal existence but not truly living! Ouch – what are we really doing to ourselves existing like this?
Being present in the moment and feeling how you feel in the body and living life from there, you can really be honouring not only with yourself but all that life offers you with everyone you interact with.
You must a beautiful reflection to the nursing home that you visit to show that there is a different way. It would be a blessing for them to have you to connect with them. Thank you for your sharing on checking out to dementia. It revealed a lot for me.
So true Pinky. By placing this as a medical condition and just referring to it as that we are taking the responsibility away from their condition and that it is something that has resulted from their way of living.
Have you heard of the biological saying: “Use it or lose it”? Well, it seems to me that if we check out often by any means, we are training our brain and nervous system very well – to be absent and to lose connection to our bodies, other people and our surroundings. Train it long enough, and it will become the dominant way. So is it possible that dementia is the end result of this protracted training of the nervous system by checking out? Yes, I feel you are right there Janina; it makes perfect sense. And that means it’s a choice and we can choose differently, and thus remain aware, engaged in life and self-loving up until the end.
Dianne from my own experience I can agree with your words “that means it’s a choice” – and yes, I see more clearly that it is indeed an awareness that there is actually a choice to choose which we way we are going to go – either numb out in the belief that life is too hard, or perhaps checking out as a result of a deepy ingrained pattern of behaviour – or we can make the choice to commit to life in all it’s presented variances, bringing the whole of us into that choice.
Dianne, thank you – I love what you have written here regarding ‘use it or lose it’ and protracted training of our nervous system. It makes perfect sense to me too.
“So is it possible that dementia is the end result of this protracted training of the nervous system by checking out? Yes, I feel you are right there Janina; it makes perfect sense”.
So true Dianne. If we consistently check-out from life it becomes an ingrained momentum and we lose the connection to ourselves. Medical science is spending millions in the search for a cure when the best and freely available preventative medicine is to choose to stay with ourselves in all that we do and stay engaged in life. A bonus is that life becomes fun and worth living for you and all those around you.
Thank you for raising this question. We live in a time where there is so much checking out and the amount of distractions we have created is huge. Dementia is not just a disease that happens to us when we get old and live in an elderly home. It is a disease that starts way before and we have a choice in it.
After reading….”When I allow myself to feel all, I give myself permission to also feel the love and joy that I am and that is all around me: I now finally have felt this very clearly too..” I put down the hummus that I was eating to check out and re-connected to the knowing that when we choose to block out and numb the pain, we can also block how the great love and joy that we are. Thanks for the reminder and starting such a powerful and much needed conversation.
I agree Sarah. As we learn from young that we need to be and behave in certain ways to be accepted and loved. So we give up our true being and connection and then need ways to deal with the pain of missing ourselves. Missing the love, joy and grandness we all have been as little children. Which is not lost but just waits for us in our hearts to be reconnected to.
Beautiful blog Janina. What a blessing it is to have your loving presence in the nursing home and to be such a true reflection for all those you meet there.
The statistics for dementia in Germany follow a global trend. This rise in dementia surely requires us to look at the lifestyle choices we make to determine causal links. What other explanation can there be for this dramatic rise in the disease than the way we are choosing to live. The availability of stimulants that help us to check out are much more prevalent than they were even a decade ago and it is widely reported that people struggle to maintain concentration on one task with all the distractions we live with. Is there also something to be said for our commitment and willingness to engage in life, all these factors are worthy of consideration, rather than just playing dumb and considering the cause of dementia to be an unsolvable mystery.
By keeping dementia the unsolvable mystery Stephen we allow it just to ‘happen to us’
Playing dumb and only looking for physical origins to dementia are also ways to keep it an unresolved mystery. For me it is so obvious that there is a correlation to how people live their daily life and it can also be clearly observed in our society in the means of distraction available to us. I do sometimes wonder why do we need this or that, especially all kinds of App’s nowadays, but when I truly observe I can see that these means are there to help people to find ways to distract from real life and to get involved in a virtual world that ‘protects’ them from having to take true responsibility for their lives.
Thank you for sharing this story Janina. It is so easy to “forget” about people who are hidden away from view because of their age or because of a health condition. It is great that you have brought this issue out of hiding and such an important one at that. The statistics are huge and yet it feels like dimentia gets little media time. I can also relate to what you have shared in that it is challenging and requires commitment to stay present and not use the mind to escape what you are feeling. So I love how you have shared ‘I am full of life and vitality And this gives me a constant reminder to choose to stay present’.
Yes Simone, to face the subject of dementia is very confronting to feel the total loss of presence and clarity.
Beautifully said Janina. The power I am learning with being present and letting life all in is that it allows others the grace to also be present and see that life can be a different more loving and more true way. I find this a wonderful gift to share with everyone each and everyday.
As the world gets more intense in illness, disease, social disfunction, wars, violence etc etc (a sadly growing list) all around us every day not wanting to feel, all that makes sense as to why people would be less willing to feel themselves and the world. It doesn’t feel nice or welcoming to feel these ugly situations in and around us but as I have learnt from Universal Medicine and those associated and reminded in this blog, is that feeling is the only way to not feel the ugliness, because underneath all of it is something far greater that can be given more attention to, and when listened to can lead us not into situations or choices that result in horrible feelings.
Yes Leigh, I agree with your words and to quote a line “because underneath all of it is something far greater that can be given more attention to” – and that ‘something far greater’ is within us all without exception if only it would be shown us or we are reminded in our early years then possibly the ‘giving-upness’ may not be so evident in our society.
Janina – what an experience this must be – to be face on with what is happening to our elders.
But what’s so interesting about what you’ve written – is that we look at Dementia as a sickness – as something that people may or may not get – we don’t see it as the end result of how we have been living most of our lives – not being present. This is a great sign for me to look at how I love each moment too and how we can start to change our lack of presence no matter what age we are!
Ah, an end result, not an illness that happens by chance. A great revelation, Hanna.
I agree Fumiyo, a great revelation. All those who lose themselves in constantly playing virtual games on computers and checking out from life are slowly shutting down their awareness of true reality.
This is true Hannah, “that we look at Dementia as a sickness – as something that people may or may not get – we don’t see it as the end result of how we have been living most of our lives – not being present.” By really understanding what this means it could change the way we choose to live and the sicknesses we experience.
For a long time scientists have been looking for the cause and cure for dementia. Perhaps they would be well served to look closely at Janina’s illuminating article.
Hi Janina, How lovely it is for those elderly people that they get to have you visit them and meet them. This will make such a difference for them in their last years in this life. I have experienced working in many nursing homes/aged care facilities and have also noticed the look in their eyes. This indeed is epidemic and allows us opportunity to look at our own lives and the way that we may have checked out also.
Quite crazy really how we as a society have so many signs around us yet still chose to ignore that possibly the way the generations before us have live is not the key.. I have noticed myself lately thinking I am immune to all of life’s ills and that I couldn’t possibly end up with dementia..but then when I consider…do I often live in auto pilot… Well yes there is still a big part of my life I’m choosing to check out from..and not feel.
So is this something I’m willing to change knowing the end result?
Or will I continue to live this way feeling immune, like this just doesn’t happen to me..
Great comment, Rebekah, questioning how when we are young we feel invincible and not likely to suffer from something as debilitating as dementia, and yet if we are really honest with ourselves, the subtle behaviours may already be settling in to create issues later in life. Self-responsibility to be present and deal with our issues is key here, as your comment asserts.
Yes Janina I agree wholeheartedly with you. Dementia is so prevalent these days and its sad to see it merely as something you get when you get old, which is untrue. There needs to be a deeper understanding of why people get dementia. Its not about getting old but about there life choices made over a long period of time. Dementia is such a sad and heart breaking problem, but if we can continue to connect to ourselves and be present then this is not only a gift to another but to ourselves also.
I agree Kelly it is untrue that you get dementia only when you are old and also that it is not about age but the way you live and what choices you have made. This is so important to understand that.
Thank you so much, Janina. This is a very important subject and I must admit it makes me wince because of the way I too have lived my life in distraction and checking out rather than allowing myself to feel what is really going on. As you say, we are setting ourselves up for mental health issues if we do not embrace life and deal with our issues. We also need to start addressing the checking out behaviour in society at large.
Thank you Janina, so timely to read your blog – there is so much clarity and understanding in your words.
Janina. It is truely heart breaking when one sees people who are suffering with dementia.
Having seen it in my family, and how rapidly they can lose all sense of time.
You remember who they were, and what love and happiness they bought to life, and suddenly it is all taken away.
I fully agree with you, that, we need to talk, and have discussions on what causes the dementian the first place.
Very little seems to be known.
Janina,
A very relevant blog in today’s increasing society of Dementia. There is much to be questioned and not just accepted that it is because of old age – if only people really understood what is behind this illness. Yes, it is time for the discussion on this epidemic to be started….
‘Old age’ is simply a point in our lives when our previous choices have stacked up so repetitively that they have significant effects on our health. It’s not a point along the right hand side of a line, it’s a point that we reach when we have repeated certain behaviours so many times that they have significant effects on our health. If we’ve made loving choices over and over again then the repetition of those choices will also be felt in a condensed way at a particular point in our lives but again it’s not at a particular point on a horizontal line, in fact if there was a line at all it would be more of a vertical one, our choices stack up one on top of the other and after a while create an effect in the body which is often referred to as an illness.
Totally agree Janina, its no longer appropriate nor sensible to just attribute dementia to the natural process of ageing.
Great point Luke, when you say it that simply, we can’t but ask “what else could be involved?”
Well said Luke, I went to school with a girl who was diagnosed with dementia at 40 and that is so not old to me. But is dementia the only illness or disease that we consider a natural process of ageing? Or, are many of our illness and diseases that we accept as inevitable processes of life as we age truly inevitable or are some of them preventable?
That statistic 1.4 to 2.2 million with dementia in 15 years is shocking to say the least. Two of my grandparents ended up with dementia and Alzheimer’s so I know how debilitating it is. I really believe that they just gave up at some point and eventually pretty much faded away from life – unable to see a purpose to stay with it.
Thanks to my relationship with Universal Medicine and the student body I have found my own way back to a state where my presence (and all that means I observe in the world) is not just something that I no longer avoid but in fact there is nothing greater.
That way back is love, plain and simple and there is an endless source of it within me. Like you Janina I am dedicated to showing that to everyone, unapologetically.
Thank you Janina for your insight-full blog. Like you I have visited a care home for the elderly and was struck by the vacant and lifeless way that they can sit in their chairs – it almost feels as though they are sitting waiting to die. It is a lovely way to spend some time with them and to engage with them. I am amazed at the lives they have lived and their different experiences. I feel society has treated old people as though they no longer have any worth and yet they have so much life experience. It feels that we as a society need to honour and respect the elders in our community and allow them to see that they are still very much a part of the community where they live and that they have so much to contribute.
Yes Susan this is very important what you say: “It feels that we as a society need to honour and respect the elders in our community and allow them to see that they are still very much a part of the community where they live and that they have so much to contribute.” Yes we can learn so much from another and especially from the elders and it is important that we treat them in a way full of appreciation and are open to what they have to say.
I agree Janina that often it is in those uncomfortable things that we feel or those difficult or painful experiences that we learn the most. So why do we assume that these are bad and then try to avoid them by escaping or checking out? It does not make sense.
I agree Andrew.. or we think that we can’t handle difficult situations or experiences and this is simply not true. Yes it can be very confronting but we are equipped to deal with what ever comes along if we choose to feel and stay present. If we start taking responsibility about what we feel and what we need to communicate to others life can become much simpler and we are able to heal issues which need our attention.
WOW! It is a real eye-opener to feel how much you now have, in truth, a conscious knowing of what checking out feels like, upon being around those people.
A constant choice to be with you is what we all want, yet often choose to shy away from, if not, seldom feel it.
Thankyou
You make some great points here Janina, the population in general is living much longer than they used to and dementia is becoming very prevalent in our society. We need to look at the underlying causes of dementia and understand why it is like you say becoming an epidemic. I volunteer in the A&E department and quite a a lot of the people that come in are older people with dementia, and you can see how the have given up on themselves and life. Just by meeting them with my eyes so that a connection is made and a few words and they begin to brighten up. We do need to start the discussion and find a way to support elderly people through their final stages of life
A great blog Janina – the increase in dementia and to see people with the lack of light (blank emptiness) in their eyes is shocking. I agree with you that checking out has a great part to play in this disease. Attending presentations by Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and the Ancient Wisdom Teachings, certainly brought it home to me just how much I used to check out, without even realising it. It will be interesting to see the changes that are possible with you bringing all of you in full to visiting the dementia home – another blog waiting to be written!
Thank you Janina. This blog is groundbreaking and very revealing. it seems many of us are checking out to avoid feeling the effects of checking out… How crazy is that?
Great initiation for us all into a much needed conversation Janina
Very crazy indeed, Leonne!
Yes, Leonne it is crazy really …”it seems many of us are checking out to avoid feeling the effects of checking out”.
Leonne thats a cycle I know I’ve been stuck in, if something doesn’t feel great (because I’ve been checked out for a while) then I further end up choosing to check out to avoid feeling the fact I checked out and the pain that leaves in my body. Totally crazy… and no wonder why Dementia is through the roof.
Aaah Leonne that has hit another blow – so checked out we’ve been that we check out now to arrest the initial feelings of checking out. What depths do we go to, to avoid actually knowing and loving ourselves.
Dementia is a reminder to myself and all of us of the consequences of checking out. My mother, grandmother and great-grandmother all suffered and died from dementia and I believed the general consensus is that if previous generations had dementia then I would also be at the mercy of this hideous dis-ease. I now know, thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that I can choose to ‘check out’ or can stay present in my life and make more loving choices for myself.
This is so true Janne, ‘dementia is a reminder for all of us of the consequences of checking out’. I feel blessed to have met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and to know very clearly that I have a choice and that diseases such as dementia can be prevented if I make the choice to stay present with myself and not check out.
Thats awsome Janne thank you for sharing!
As you come from your lived experience, knowing exactly what you are talking about it is with authority that you can reflect to others that there is another way. That is what is needed so that it is real, tangible and plausible. When you can do it everyone can do it as we all have the capacity to choose and change. True inspiration.
Thanks Janina, you made me ponder on how I use to check out and that I actually considered this to be normal to go wandering off and not be truly present with my body. I have made a lot of changes through the support of Universal Medicine that has made me so much more aware of how it feels to be present with me in my body and the difference this makes to my quality of life and vitality. Dementia is certainly a topic that needs to be discussed as it is reflecting back to us a way we are choosing to live as a society, that is less than who we are.
“Dementia is certainly a topic that needs to be discussed as it is reflecting back to us a way we are choosing to live as a society, that is less than who we are.” What you say Marcia brings in the aspect of what we truly miss is ourselves if we live less than who we truly are and this is painful to feel, the longer we live that way the more miserable it gets. The more checkin out and distraction is needed……
Perhaps we have all had moments where we seem to disappear into a vast chasm of empty space or simply disengaged in a milder way by slipping into ‘auto pilot’…but hang on; 1.4 million people with dementia currently in Germany alone and expected to rise to 2.2 million by 2030?! That is not something we can choose to ignore (check out about) anymore!!
Thank you Janina for raising an important question – what is going on here with this rise in dementia and also that it is beginning for some not just when they are older. Like all illnesses and disease if we can develop an understanding of what leads to the symptoms there is an opportunity to make different choices in how we are living. It is great you have come to this awareness for yourself, Janina and are making those changes – Inspiring!
Wow, this is such a great article Janina, ‘Dementia is not only a side effect of people getting old, it is a clear reflection of a society which is choosing to check out and distract as a normal way of being. And then, after doing that for years, they are ending up not wanting to feel how disconnected they have lived and finally want to escape from life completely.’ It is definitely time to start the the discussion – what is going on here?
An important question you ask Janina. What has led us to this epidemic? Your sharing is so important to open up more honest conversation about what has happened to our awareness well before dementia! I can so relate to the lack of presence in my daily activity which catches me unawares. Now at least I am becoming more aware of the impact of this not only on me but on many others. Thank you
Beautifully said, Janina. How lovely to feel you connecting to people with Dementia. It’s really worth celebrating how we – one after the other – find our places in the world and leave our traces of Service.
Janina your blog highlights the many things we can do to check out, and they are activities that look very everyday and innocent, and they can be, but as you show, we can also use them to devastating effect. If we choose we can tell very clearly whether we have surfed the net or watched TV so as to numb ourselves from what is happening with us or in the world. If I am going from activity to activity its a clear give away that I am avoiding feeling something. Your blog has reminded me to be more aware so as to catch that way sooner.
A great blog raising the question, “what has led us to this epidemic?” I can relate to, “I could feel how long I have lived avoiding to truly feel what is going on within and around me – so I started to realise that giving up and checking out is very familiar to me.” I have also spent hours in front of the TV, escaping in my head, not wanting to feel my day or how I was in the day, or just to numb the exhaustion. Focusing on staying present is a work in progress.
If we are truly honest we all check-out to a greater or lesser extent. Breaking that pattern and staying present as you describe, Janina, is so vital and by reflecting that to others we show them another way.
I agree Jonathan, the more I can break the familiar pattern of checking out the more vital and connected I feel to life.
Great Blog Janina! About the connection between the every-day-escape-choices and the new “epidemic”: Dementia.
So everyone can prepare for the risk with self-caring choices to become more and more aware, as you wrote about your own development to stop checking out in your own life. I also love your choice and your living example, to bring your presence to people with Dementia to let them feel there is another way!
What great insights you have into Dementia and its cause Janina. Reading your blog was such a powerful reminder to remain consciously present throughout my day, to the best of my ability!
Thank you for your loving wisdom.
Janina this is so beautiful to share the importance of not checking out in life and where it leads to .Such an honest account of what is really going on and that the real reasons behind dementia , which simply requires commitment to life as it is and that this is our choice and is our responsibility. I too have been seeing the checking out in my life which was quite scary and the dedication to feeling it all takes consistency and is a very loving way to live . Definitely time to talk about the epidemic and bring out into the open what is going on and how it can be changed with this awareness. Thank you.
Yes, this epidemic has a huge cost to individuals and society as a whole. I see so many people taking immense loving care of those with dementia. If they don’t need to have dementia or Alzheimer, if it is preventable as Serge Benhayon says, if that is true, then it is a tragedy as well.
This is an amazing article Janina, and if I’m honest was an ouch to read. But we do need to ask the question what is really going on with dementia, as if it not addressed openly with love it will one day become , if not already as you say, a epidemic on a global scale. The truth is one case should really be enough to make us stop and ask hey what is really going on here. I wonder why so many people do not want to go there or address this and so often want to blame it on genetics or just something that happens. Could it be a lack of wanting to take responsibility for oneself? It also highlights to me the worrying factor with children across the globe and the alarming increase in social media and technology, this is not to say that it’s all bad, but what I have observed is the consistency kids are on phones, social media sights, playing computer games and this is just in a school day. I know I too still have much to address when it comes to ways of distracting myself. It is great you pointed out the intent behind it, as this is something I feel is very important and am coming to really be aware of in all I do and re-address.
Thank you very much for providing me with a timely post. My mother is coming to live with us soon and she is about to undergo testing for dementia. I am aware that I check out all too frequently, whether driving in the car and not being present, cooking dinner and planning the kids lunches in my head, worrying about doing my tax and escaping into food! During her life my mother has been the ultimate multi tasker, vigorously striking off her list of achievements each day. I realize that is me too. It’s not about having a list, it’s more about setting myself up to complete task after task without being present or checking in with myself about how I am feeling. Doing, doing, doing, endlessly doing! The exhaustion of it all! Your post has also reminded me not to go into reaction when faced with dementia. If Mum is suffering from dementia then I will check in with myself and provide safe guards for my welfare too. I will make sure I am not setting myself up to take on mounds of new responsibilities that I cannot manage. I will try more to be just me and stop wasting my energy on the things of the past or the things of the future neither of which I can do much about since I am not living in either of those places. Thank you for bringing awareness to the difficult subject of dementia in such a loving way.
A great point that you share here Ruth “I will try more to be just me and stop wasting my energy on the things of the past or the things of the future neither of which I can do much about since I am not living in either or those places”. It makes so much sense of “living” in the now and working with the ‘what is’ not, the ‘what is not’.
Heaven can’t come through the past or the future, it can only come through the present.
“I will try more to be just me and stop wasting my energy on the things of the past or the things of the future neither of which I can do much about since I am not living in either of those places.” That is the crux of it really, that despite the mountains of jobs and tasks we could be doing, that we stay present with the one in hand, because it is where we are living. This is not always that exciting, staying present with the washing up or cleaning the loo as it is not the sexiest of jobs, but essential and the more we stay present the more we can enjoy who we are in that moment. A tough challenge looking after a person with dementia, but what a golden opportunity to practice staying with it and presenting another way to be.
Oh yes Ruth the dreaded, and much championed, multi-tasking, even with courses available to increase one’s capacity!
Ruth, the example you give here is real and pause worthy. Thank you for sharing how your mother is now showing the early signs of dementia and how she has lived her life ticking off the to-do list very effectively. I too can easily make a task about getting it done, doing it on auto-pilot and getting a split second of satisfaction when I cross the task off the list. We impoverish ourselves of our own presence and connection.
Thank you Janina, it certainly is a very important conversation to have. The numbers of dementia cases are rising alarmingly, it is becoming a national crisis in many countries. I too have changed the way I live, bringing myself home to me. I have a very creative imagination and I know that I have spent many an hour designing, inventing, imagining life a different way because I had no other way to deal with the issues in my life other than by escaping into my head. I have learnt now how to stay present with these issues and to bring resolution to the ones I can and accept those I can’t. It is helping me to stay present with myself in the day and I am aware of having more energy and sparkle as a consequence. It is very sad to see and feel a person when they have abandoned themselves, so having such a loving and tender presence in their lives, as you provide is a real gift, as you bring all of yourself to each person you show them there is another way to be in life.
“It is very sad to see and feel a person when they have abandoned themselves” – it is a disturbing thought isn’t it – bailing ship because it is too uncomfortable to be in this body anymore! This includes all addictions, workaholics, foodaholics, bookworms, TV addicts – computer gamers -living in the head etc etc – ! We have a massive ‘checking out and abandoning ourselves” society of which I have definitely been a part of – it feels so much better remaining present more often – it seems we need to be bringing this awareness into early education.
Yes, very important aspect you bring in Debra the importance to show and teach our children a different way to live and how beautiful it feels to be connected with your body and to be present in everything you do.
I can really feel how what you have said Janina and Debra is grounding the absolute necessity for presence and its being a part of the educational process (wherever that may be occurring.) It is a conversation we need to keep having – feeling the immensity of it.
Most of us jumped ship as teenagers and most of us don’t actually re-board the ship of Us for the rest of our lives. Life for most of us is one long series of checked out moments because most of us live in our heads and being in the head and not the body is basically checking out even if there’s no screen, no alcohol, no hobbies, no marathon etc as long as we’re in our heads we’ve checked out.
Wow Rowena – thats amazing to hear how you’ve been able to stop letting your imagination run wild.
I too have a very creative imagination and it used to dominate a lot of my time – always thinking ‘what if’ and dreaming of how things might play out instead of actually living. Now that I have stopped doing that – I have more time to actually live in a way where I don’t need to imagine ‘what if’ because when I act on how I truly feel, then whatever I am doing is complete.
Yes Hannah i just realized watching TV on a long flight back from Australia, that i have used love movies to compensate for the lack of lived love in my real live and this is a way of checking out and dreaming of a different way to live happily ever after. Even there is no true love happening in the movies.
Yes- I have felt this as a way of checking out too- ‘love’ movies are just like eating sweets or lollies before a meal, they ruin our appetite as they feed us with rubbish ideals about love and we miss the nourishment of true love.
A beautiful blog Janina. I too have checked out too frequently and too regularly. It can be uncomfortable when we come back and feel but even in the uncomfortableness, it feels amazing as it is real and we are with ourselves. Feeling the sadness for example feels better than not feeling and being disconnected!
Janina, this is a really wonderful sharing of your experience and realisations after coming so closely in contact with the people in the dementia area of the nursing home you have been visiting, as well as the lady you are taking for a walk.
I have also had some contact within this type of facility, when elderly family members close to me have been living within the hostel area connected to various nursing homes. They did not have dementia, but in each case one had to walk through an area which seemed such a sad area. A number of inmates were all lined up facing a TV in their various chairs, but with such a vacant stare on them. They were not really watching anything at all, and had no connection either with each other. It felt so awful to walk through there. And these areas I saw were not the main dementia wards, where people are kept locked in for their own safety.
I can relate to the issue of us checking out as you talk of. My way of checking out was to disappear into books. I was regarded as a complete book-worm. I used to completely lose myself in reading for as much of the day as I could get away with, and at times I know I was actually living THROUGH those books. I would leave myself completely and envision myself living those lives. I was so disconnected and checking out of my own life in doing this.
I now realise that I was actually not wanting to feel all that was coming up for me, and reading for me became an escape from all that I would not face and life in particular. I did not really want to face other real people at all, particularly myself.
I thank God that I realised what was happening and began to face the issues that I needed to, coming now to feeling the great love that I have within as I open up more and more with other people and life itself. I am also now full of life and vitality. And I read very few books nowadays, only a few what I term the ‘purple books’.
Yes, there needs to be much more discussion and openness
Thank you Beverly for sharing your experience with dementia and your way of checking out.
My way of checking out from early childhood was TV. I watched TV everyday and had my own TV very soon and my parents did not control how much I watched . At week-ends I often watched several movies. Staying in my room and watching TV was a way to withdraw from my family and the world.
Yes Beverley each one of us has a different way of checking out. In my teens I discovered books and have been hooked ever since. I understand that it was my way of coping. I would get lost in a story, live the characters’ life. I still read but not so compulsively and I am learning to reconnect with myself. Thank you for a great blog.
I regularly visit our nearby nursing home because my Dad (84) who has Alzheimer’s and Dementia often stays there to give my mother some respite. I like going there to connect with staff and people and I make a point of being super present in what I do there. We are often told that these conditions are part of the aging process and that there is no medical cure for them at the moment but as you say Janina, could there be another way of living that would support a healthy mental state?
Yes Maryline, “We are told that these conditions are part of the aging process…” – which is simply not true. I just read a report by Landesinitiative Demenz-Service in Germany that states 70 from 100,000 people with dementia are under the age of 65 years and that there is an expected growth, which shows that dementia is not all related to ageing.
And we are often told that there is no cure for dementia, which to me is also not true. To look at dementia this way does not confront us with the way we as a society are living and the way people drive to escape and check out in all forms and it is getting more intense. Especially with internet, mobile phones, many TV Channels /DVD´s and easy available drugs.
Very true what you say here Janina. When we accept that dementia is just part of the normal aging process than we are walking around blindsided and we will not be bothered to take a look at the underlying causes of this epidemic.
It is so sad that we accept this as ‘part of the ageing process’ and don’t look deeper into the true cause. There are many health issues older people face that are preventable – dementia could be one of them. I can go a whole day at work and at the end of it wonder where I’ve been – I can get distracted serving others and the simple task of being gentle with my fingers on everything I touch helps to bring me back into my body.
Thank you Janina for starting the conversation – I have been amazed to find out just how much I have been checked out for most of my life and the ways in which I still do. It is a process of gradually allowing myself to feel and not numbing out with TV and food – sometimes the feelings are very uncomfortable as I realise it is my own choices that are getting in the way, and I just have to allow myself to feel them. It is easy to choose the more comfortable numbness now but not worth it if Dementia is the ultimate outcome.
No Carmel it is certainly not worth it
Janina’s blog is a wonderful inspiration to bring our mind and body together in everything we do
I can so relate to the living of life in a checked out, disengaged, distant or numb way a definite dementia case in the making. Now I want to feel and be here and live and connect with people and with me. It is such an ingrained coping behavior it doesn’t just get halted overnight – but every step back to me is a step away from being the next dementia statistic.
I agree Kate, in a way it is a re-learning that it is possible to live, to feel everything and to stay present. More than that that it is actually worth dealing with my hurts and issues. When do I get to know myself better, that I am more than just my hurts and issues. That life is not only miserable and sad. When I choose presence and start reconnecting and feeling I can start feeling the beauty, love and joy in my heart, who I am. Than life starts to make sense again. Than it does not make sense anymore to check out. Why should I check out from my own love and joy?
I love your response her Janina. I can remember that only a few years ago (before Universal Medicine) I could say my life felt like a drudgery, with no joy in it, and so daydreaming was my way of filling up the emptiness inside. But as you say, it is so worth dealing with the hurts and issues and feeling the beauty, love and joy in our hearts, because life does start to make sense and it is a joy to be alive and present with myself.
Julie, I just feel to add to your comment to Janina, something that I am currently aware of in reference to your words “to be alive and present with myself” – with the emphasis on the word ‘present” and am wondering at the possibility of the experience of ‘vertigo’ having a connection to not being totally present with oneself, and allowing the mind to be influenced to that degree while trying to accomplish many things at the same time – not stress precisely, but a pressure brought on by ‘doing’, rather than recognizing and accepting the responsibility of being present in every moment while the activity of whatever is being effected. Could it be a possibility that it may be another aspect of ‘checking out’ .
Well said, Kate. This ‘ingrained coping behavior’ is endemic in today’s society and it is becoming increasingly prevalent. Janina’s blog is a great wake up call for us all.
I feel the same Kate. This blog highlights it for us all.
It is a blessing for the elderly lady you visit Janina to feel that someone is truly present, someone who does not allow themselves to react but to connect to her in a loving way. You provide an opportunity for her to be herself and to feel accepted. What a powerful and most beautiful gift you offer.
I do agree with you Michelle, in my personal experience this is absolutely true. A close relative of mine is in the late stages of dementia, before the disease she was so very tender and loving and I can still see and feel this inside of her at times. It really is sad that she felt that she had to leave this behind to try to fit in with a world that in no way encouraged her to be herself.
Well said Kate- this is the reality. Every choice to be ourselves is a choice toward not becoming a dementia statistic.
Also our presence can be an inspiration for others to hold that quality for themselves which means it then becomes about all of us taking responsibility as we are all affecting everyone all of the time.
Agreed Kate it takes time and dedication to slowly undo the familiar patterns that have had us wrapped up for too long.
Beautifully said Kate. I too relate to the checking out way of life and how this becomes engrained, but also how we are able take steps to turn it around by embracing and engaging with life and as you say “taking steps back to me”. I see so many people and children too ‘checked out’ on phones and gadgets and in a world of their own creation, isolated from those around them. Great to take those steps back to ourselves and not become another statistic.
Yes Kate, dementia is no joke and is really telling us something. If we look at the world – we can see a lot of people checking out – not wanting to feel what is happening for them or around them – this is already a stage towards dementia. Basically we can conclude that 99% of the world population is doing this – and so – we see signifancent rise in the alzheimer/dementia statistics (no wonder). Therefore seeing why we are checking out and in which parts of our life and which part in our days etc. So we can track it , becoming aware of it – and starting to change it. This is the best prevention of dementia.
This is such an eye opener of a blog Janina, as you pose the possibility there is a connection between checking out of life at an early age and dementia. Thank you for your insight.
Serge Benhayon has presented the connection between the way we live and that checking out as a normal part of living and the rise of dementia. Through the experience I made with looking after the elderly lady with dementia I could confirm this as being true for myself and was deeply confronted with the many ways of checking out-as part of my daily routine.
thanks Janina, for starting this conversation,
It was only when I started to become aware of being more present doing whatever task at hand, and practising this, it was astonishing to realise just how much I was daydreaming, worrying anxiously about the next thing, or hundred things I had to do, regretting something stupid I had done previously, getting overwhelmed – all very exhausting and unsatisfying as naturally with the current task I was nowhere to be found in it.
And with the anxiety overwhelm and regret came the desire to distract into something else even more strongly, so a vicious cycle set up.
Even more interesting was that even realising this cycle, and how different the quality is when I am more present, it is still so easy to lose.
Your article has highlighted this for me also, Janina.
Such awesome insights Janina, thank you for sharing.
Thank you Janina for being so deeply confronted that you made space to reflect and write this blog. The blog itself is full and rich with insight into how the majority of people are living and the thread of comments that has followed is adding detail and supporting myself and others to ponder and consider how significant this Universal Medicine teaching is and the many and various ways we check out.
Just like you were inspired to look at the way you live after meeting people with dementia, so am I inspired by your blog to look at my own way of living. How much do I really check out? I have little notes around my house which say “Presence” which helps me stay present in everything that I do. It is so vital as there are so many things that could be potential “checking out” activities. But it’s all in the quality we bring into the activity. Janine, I will join you in “Now I have to really turn around the way I live to support myself lovingly, to feel all and to stay present with myself”. Thank you.
I agree Nathalie. It is confronting how normal it is to check out. Many people are not aware and do not want to be aware. Even I am getting more aware there is still many times when I allow my mind to take over. And it is necessary to remind ourselves to stay present and reminders like notes saying “Presence” to do help 🙂
Before you know it your mind drifts off, taking you away from you and closer to absorbing everything around you. I will certainly stick some ‘presence’ notes, thanks you Janine :).
Yes me too Ilja!
Ha, this is a great idea, to stick some notes at places to remind us to stay present with ourselves. I am more aware of this fact that I am checking out, lately. The signs are that I forget things, or something goes wrong, or I bump myself on furniture when I am too fast and checked out. Great blog Janina, thanks for sharing this with us.
Monika, I notice too that I bump myself if I am projecting forward to what I am going to do rather than being with my body as I walk to where I am going, then sometimes I get there and I can’t remember what I went there for – my goodness, I can see that it’s not such a big leap from there to dementia!
It’s so true what Ilja says here. For the longest time I have identified with my thoughts as being who I am. A thought would occur about something and I would be off following its trail. It is becoming a humbling experience to accept that living in this way has been the cause of much, if not all of the difficulties in my life. With each thought if we’re not able to discern what’s behind them and where they are leading us to/ coming from and are not asking ourselves how we really honestly feel about what we’re about to do for example in our hearts, we become completely lost and it is then very easy to give up on life as it is then filled with complexities.
Great point Shevon, we should be checking in to why we check out, what is leading us down a certain thought process, then we can start to truly observe why it is we check ourselves out from daily life.
That’s very true, it is a habit and happens more often that we realise. To be given an opportunity by someone coming into our lives or by reading a blog to take a moment and see how often we drift off is medicine, life becomes medicine.
Yes, it is an ongoing process. The benefit is that the less we check out the easier it becomes NOT to check out. In the beginning it is quite hard to break all that momentum but after a while, checking out becomes less sweet. It seems as if there is an urge to check out and I found it helpful to just feel that urge – and then I stay present.
Christoph, thank you for expressing this so well that we must first break the momentum of checking out, acknowledge that at first this may not be easy, but stay with the commitment to not check out.
Willem, what you said about your partner choosing to be with you when you choose to be with yourself is very beautiful, and made me smile. And so you show us that choosing to stay present isn’t just about avoiding dementia, but also about the richness that it brings to us, and enables us to offer to others.
I can absolutely relate to that Christoph, it is indeed true that the less I check out the easier it gets to not check out. And I have also found that slipping into “checked outness” is a bit like a drug and very tempting. It is only through my awareness of what I am doing, that I can pull myself back to being present , and yes, it is an ongoing process, and I can appreciate the awareness I have in realising when I start to check out, so I can begin to change that pattern of behaviour.
I think you hit the nail on the head here Sandra when you say “checked outness is bit like a drug and very tempting” It for sure has the same nasty after effects as a drug- confusion as to what is really happening- a lack of clarity – a feeling of something is missing and a denial to what is really is going on.
“Choosing to be present is about the richness and fullness that it brings to our life and those we share it with.” That is an important aspect if we realize and focus on how much we gain and everybody else if we choose to be present in our lives.
Yes, great point Sandra. It’s about becoming more aware of our body, how it feels; making stop moments throughout the day to check in with myself- am I still feeling full & awesome?
If not I usually feel heady, I can’t feel my lower legs, and there is an empty feeling in my body. I usually then bump into things or drop things as a loving reminder from my soul.
I had to really look at when I was checking out and what situations, it was when I did not want to take responsibility it was easy to, switch off and check out. As I have become more aware of my responsibility, I am able to catch myself if it feels like I am checking out. Its a work in progress.
So True Sandra checked out ness is like a drug. I have certainly used it like a drug. It is certainly used as an escape as drugs are and it certainly numbs you out.
I’ve found that working on establishing a solid routine that keeps me focused each day supports the level of connection I bring to myself. It may seem mundane, as there is no excitement attached to it, but the steadiness that it brings has left a far reaching effect on how I am throughout the day.
Great points Willem, there is no room for people in my life if I am checked out, and as Christoph shares, the more aware I become of this state the less I inhabit it. As I have come to appreciate that life is about people, it is less appealing to allow myself to drift into daydreams and not be present in the moment. As you question Willem, what sort of affect does this have on those around me if I am not choosing to be aware and am not living in the moment?
What a great point Christoph in that the less we check out or distract ourselves the easier it becomes. It’s true, it can be difficult at first but in my experience, this difficulty only came as a result of not wanting to be honest with myself and take responsibility. Once I became aware of the fact that I was avoiding responsibility, it became much easier to address the various ways I distract myself and check out. The biggest practical thing that supported me with this was coming back to how I actually felt in my body and what my body was telling me.
Avoiding responsibility is key to our checking out. I am finding that the easiest way to not check out is to keep feeling the purpose for why I am wherever I am at that moment. It stops me from sinking back into the little me and thinking that it doesn’t matter if I’m not fully there. When I feel the purpose in life it keeps me fully engaged and aware of the big picture, which takes everyone into account.
Angela, you’ve said it: ‘not wanting to be honest with myself and take responsibility’ is a huge block to awareness. I got locked in a comfortable, familiar zone which I didn’t realise was actually suffocating me and I couldn’t see through this fog until my ‘comfortable’ life was broken up. I’m so glad this happened, for although it was a huge shake up it felt like a breath of fresh air was blowing through me as I realised how I had not allowed myself to feel what was really going on, and in not feeling the reality of the situation I stopped fully participating in life. As I took responsibility for my choices I had to feel the pain of that but it meant that I was coming alive again and feeling some purpose in life and able to interact with people as the woman I am, not as a checked-out shadow of myself.
I love the point Willem, Catherine and Vicky share about focusing on the richness and fullness of life when we are present and choose to be with our self and others in this way. It is a very beautiful and joyful way to live and be. So often we can focus on the negative things ( I know this is something I am working on), as in all the things that are not loving in our life and we miss out on the richness and truth of what we actually are, do bring and can feel.
That is a beautiful image of your partner running to you when they feel you are present, why would we ever want to leave to our minds – for what???
I agree Christoph, the more you break the habits of checking out, what ever they may be, the more awareness you develop and the easier it is to stay present. I do notice that some activities I used to do to check out have stopped all together but I developed new ones in their place, maybe not so obvious… But again, my awareness is always growing…
Yes Laura, I notice that if I am really present with an activity it’s definitely easier to be present when doing it next time but it works the other way too – if I’m used to checking out it’s easy to just go unconscious when doing it next time and then I have to make a conscious effort to break that habit.
This is such an great point you have raised Laura. Breaking habits and then realising that there are more underneath is a great life lesson that shows us there is never an end to where we can go to being fully present with ourselves, others and in all that we do each and every day.
That’s a wonderful reflection for you Willem, another great reason to remain checked in!
Great way to deal with it, I too, choose to stay present and to feel what checking out really is for me.
I get that it is more comfortable to hide and not wanting to see what truly is presenting to me. Every moment brings a chance to grow from and to learn something with, if I choose this I am evolving myself out of this momentum out of checking out. It still wants to get me sometimes, but as you said it becomes easier with each time choosing to be present.
I agree Monica. When I am not fully with myself I receive little ‘wake-up’ calls as in – I might drop something,or bump myself etc – brings me back to me straight away. The other day I was walking to the shops and all of a sudden I felt an every so slight burning on my hand. As I looked I saw that a stinging nettle, reaching out of a nearby hedge, had just slightly brushed my hand – enough for me to stop and acknowledge that I had walked without me for a moment. It certainly kept me with me for the rest of the day as these stings last a long time …
Yes agree Willem, this is very confirming and beautiful what you say, and, to add to Vicky’s comment, to feel that richness and connection in the body, (as I have often felt in Esoteric Yoga) is completely wonderful and so spacious enough to feel the majesty within, and where we’d surely not ever want to check out, or be away from.
Christoph, I like how you describe checking out as a sweetness which is sometimes really hard to resist. And to not do so but to feel why I would like to check out requires really to stay present. The key to understand checking out is to explore why I want to do it. What has occurred that makes me want to escape out of my body? This may be very different for every person. But once you get aware, you can change it.
I agree, Sonja, exploring what happened just before we made the choice to check out is a great way to increase our awareness. It could be something I ate – but what led to my choosing to eat that? We can back track a whole series of events back to one moment when we lost our connection to our innermost selves,
I like this Christoph, harder to stay present to begin with because of the habit of always being in one’s head or in sensory or emotional distraction. The interesting thing for me is that as presence becomes more consistent, I found all those other senses became richer as well. So it is not like withdrawing from anything, more like sensing / feeling everything with more connection.
Thank you Christoph, it is incredibly supportive what you have shared here – to simply allow oneself to feel the urge to check out rather than following it through.
I have that same experience with my children. Only when I am totally present I can fully connect with them and talk to them lovingly and with respect instead of with judgement and expectations. The difference in how they connect with me after truly being met is amazing. Your comment is a great reminder for me to stay on track.
It is true that it has become easier not to check out and your comment reminds me to appreciate all the times that I did not check out instead of feeling bad about the times I do. I have discovered that there are many subtle ways of checking out though and it can be quite challenging to catch myself doing it.
It is an ongoing process Christoph. Like anything, the more awareness and willingness we bring to change, the easier it becomes. I like your point about it become less sweet with time. Like all things that give us temporary relief, once we realise we are being played, it no longer appears to be the supportive thing we thought it was.
Good point Christophe about checking out become less sweet. Also many of the comments mention the effect on others when we check out, the awareness of which I have noticed, only comes when we start to disengage from the sweetness of the behaviour.
It is true Janina, it is horrifyingly normal to check out. Even having made a commitment to be aware I still find I lose myself. Often after a few hours of working at my desk I see that it is messy; things are not quite in their right place because I have not been consciously present when I moved them or put them down, but just placed them somewhere in a bit of a rush or whilst my mind was elsewhere, not completely with the action. It is confronting but inspires me to keep working on my conscious presence and staying with my body.
I was checking out even reading a blog about checking out! I was noticing that the checking out has become more subtle – I was physically at the computer, did not jump screens/tabs etc…but my mind wandered a few times and so quietly….”I’ll just pop over here, she won’t notice”. And you don’t until you are way off base sometimes. Thanks for starting the conversation about how we live – which can be so disconnected and checked out from who we truly are – could be the cause of this illness.
Yes true Sarah, the ways of checking out can by times be very subtle. But getting aware of this, even deepens the connection to ourselves. Thank you for reminding.
Yes Sonja, the ways of checking out can be subtle, and they do just as effective a job as the not-so-subtle ways. I was in a meeting the other day when something came up that didn’t compel my interest and I saw myself withdrawing my presence and wanting to go off and answer the long email list awaiting on Mail. I could immediately feel this misuse of my power and so brought my full presence back again to the meeting. It is so clear that it is our presence that is the great joy of living and not necessarily the ‘thing that we do’.
Thank you for you comment Lyndy Summerhaze that happened to me as well but i have not nominated it as a form of checking out. If i don’t give my full attention to a meeting and start doing something else i am checking out and this is lack of committing to the situation i am in.
We need to understand how deeply harming checking out truly is and that it is not a solution for anything. How much we harm ourselves and others if we don’t take responsibility for the way we are living and the hurts we carry.
Ha ha me too Sarah!!! I started thinking on tangents about things Janina had mentioned. I realised I had gone off and went back a couple of paragraphs but it was definitely a moment to not gloss over eeeek!
There is much value in your blog Janina, some of the truth I find disturbing when I feel the part I have played – as you say in your comment to Nathalie “it is confronting how normal it is to check out”.
On reflecting on my own behaviour from quite a young age, the dishonesty of my expression, the holding back of my feelings about this or that, just to be seen to fit in, to be accepted – I am feeling the weight of the responsibility of this past dishonesty right throughout my life and the price that has been paid, and also feeling the possibility that this dishonesty is not mine alone and perhaps the price could be dementia ultimately as a result of the many lives lived in this consciousness of illusion.
Very true Janina – there is a HUGE amount of people that live their lives quite ‘checked out’.. It is becoming more and more normal.
Yes Susie – Unfortunately being Checked out is normal in our society it is in-fact an epidemic -our new modern day plague.
Yes I agree totally Janina. Even at my workplace I see people checking out. Presence is absolutely needed here.
Checking out is such a huge part of life the world over. Because people are not taught how to read life without reacting to it and to deal with what they are feeling, we checkout from what is there to be felt.
Choosing to be present is super important, as is developing our ability to be in the world without reacting to it and allowing ourselves to feel our own reactions.
Straight to the point Kathryn, well said, “Because people are not taught how to read life without reacting to it and to deal with what they are feeling, we checkout from what is there to be felt.”
I have become aware how much of the time I spend checked out and realize that from this state of being I have no real control over what I am saying or doing because I react to situations from unhealed hurts, protecting, attacking and surviving. I now see it as my responsibility to stay present continuously,
Imagine if we were taught how to read life instead of react to life. A completey new planet earth would emerge from that. Sounds so far out there, but seriously…isn’t it possible that this is the missing piece of the puzzle? Could it be as simple as that?
I know what you mean – I still find myself checking out – and the more I realise the more uncomfortable it becomes. We need to be gentle with ourselves and just keep coming back into presence. Esoteric Yoga is one wonderful way to reconnect to the body and support ourselves.
Thank you Martin for sharing, this is great to what detail you describe way of checking out. I catch myself often during driving my car to to check my mobile phone. And also at work when i have a short time in between sessions where i could stop, feel and reconnect. I often choose to check my emails or text messages. I often use these activities to override what is there to feel and deal with and in doing that i bring myself further away from feeling me and being presence. And it so true” We are feeling the impacts of checking out right now”-yes we do. But in a way we have accepted many ways of checking out as an acceptable way of living. In truth it is not acceptable as it brings us away from our beautiful essence and stops us to fully engage and express in life. The daily choices we make have consequences how we will end up when we are old and impacts the quality of our next lives.
Janina, it is true we have accepted many ways of checking out as an acceptable way of living, it really is about bringing a stop and truly seeing what actions we are doing, is it serving or not, or just away to keep us busy. Something for me to ponder and work on, a work in progress.
Thank you Janina and Martin, you have given me a wider meaning of “checking out” and the forms it can take. One form of checking out for me would be to eat when I don’t need to, to numb myself from what I am feeling. Thank you for the support in your comments, it has certainly given me a deeper understanding and more awareness of what “checking out” actually means.
I think dementia is already biting us in the bottom, so to speak but the bite is definitely going to grow unless a lot more of us choose to check in. I for one did not fully understand the causes of dementia before hearing Serge Benhayon present on it, and then it made such sense. This is vital information and it is so very important that this understanding flows out into the wider community.
So true and indeed important Mary, we need to understand what the real reasons behind dementia. For me I have found that I do choose to check out, when I do not want to take responsibility for myself and the situation. Sometimes it is easier to over ride the uncomfortable feelings in a situation that I do not want to be in, with food. I am eating very healthy, but I choose to eat lots, and more than my body really needs. It gives me comfort and therefore I do not have to feel the uncomfortable situation as much. What a game it is that I play, and it works against my body. Choosing to be present and to name what is uncomfortable for me helps me in this moments and choosing staying present with what I am doing and touching with my fingers, and with every step I walk with my body.
Willem, am I getting what you are saying; that if we focussed on being with ourselves we would not need the stimulation of a distraction to take us away from ourselves and we would not therefore open to an energy that is not who we are? It feels so gorgeous being with ourselves why would we ever choose not to be? So, if we were to focus on saying YES to being with ourselves then the No would happen by itself, not from any fear of dementia, which in itself would be a distraction, but from the sheer joy of being. And the more we are being ourselves, the more we can discern what is not us, and the less likely we are to check out.
‘But in a way we have accepted many ways of checking out as an acceptable way of living. In truth it is not acceptable as it brings us away from our beautiful essence and stops us to fully engage and express in life. ‘This is the painful truth of our society right now. The first step is realizing this and opening up to the possibility of a different way of living. One that compliments our very nature.
This is a great point Janina, that our “daily choices we make have consequences how we will end up when we are old and impacts the quality of our next lives.” How incredible is that, that we actually have the power within us to choose how we will be when we are old, and subsequently the quality of our next life that we will come back to. Could this simple approach revolutionise the way we look at and treat Dementia patients? It seems to me its got to be worth considering.
Yes Martin I hear you as this is similar for myself. I do love though when I am focussed and present carrying out daily life as it feels so good in my body afterwards and I find it has a positive impact on the quality of my sleep.
I agree Michelle. The quality in which I rest supports me more the next day.
Great comment on how ‘down time’ actually takes us down Martin. I know that if I put off something -usually paperwork- I feel edgy, dull, incomplete and that influences the rest of my day. When I do it, I feel ‘ wow wasn’t that easy’ and am invigorated, a much better day. It does make sense that the more down time we take, the more it will accumulate as we get older into a permanent down.
Your comment rang a large bell for me Catherine. I have the paperwork avoidance bug and you are so right, when I do it, I feel a huge sense of relief and release. I now catch myself when I am not present in what I am doing, or am multi-tasking, which I used to think was an asset but now realise means I am not finishing one job before going to the next. As I regularly visit a relative who has dementia and is in a care home, this blog is sharing how important it is to be aware of being in the moment in all we do.
Yes, Catherine, I fully agree with yours and Martin’s comment about the ‘down time’ bringing us down … at work (in admin) I’m finding that if I check out with checking for emails on my iPhone, it interrupts the flow at work and, rather than finding myself energised, alert, proactive, willing and completing things, I lose my train of thought & concentration and take much longer to get things completed and end up feeling drained by mid-afternoon.
Step away from the iPhone! Put that iPhone down!
I’m going to lock it away with my handbag each day and only check it at lunchtime and the end of the day. Thank you all for bringing this to our attention and starting the discussion.
Marian, you have expressed what I have made a choice to do from now on to avoid distraction and checking out. I am stepping away from the iPhone! especially when I am at work and just check it at lunchtime and days end. It had begun to run my life and I have often felt flat and dull if I am checking it with a lack of presence. This is a great blog.
That could be a slogan Catherine ” Down time takes us Down”. That could be a slogan Catherine ” Down time takes us Down”. I have noticed that when I choose to abandon being fully present in the moment facing me, for whatever reason, I become less alert and less vital – when I put off engaging in the task at hand a fogginess results, it may be subtle, but it is there. But when I fully engage at the end of it I feel more confirmed and more steady. Every moment builds on the previous one, whatever my choice.
Powerfully expressed Golnaz thank you:
“Every moment builds on the previous one, whatever my choice”
Adding to this Golnaz I have noticed when I am not present my movements are so much more jagged and abrupt. I distort my joints and feel more strain and tension in my muscles and tendons. The other day I moved to the stove to turn the flame down and as I arrived I had already positioned my feet to turn around and onto the next movement in the other direction – my mind was on the next task and my body was held half way between the one at hand and the next one. It’s astonishing how I use and abuse my body when on auto-pilot.
Thank you for your honesty Martin. I often like to delude myself that I don’t check out as much as I do, but what I am starting to realise is that every time I have a thought about something that is not related to what I am doing right now it’s a check out. This has been a hard one to admit, as I made a life out of day-dreaming and longings, but inevitably every time I do let my mind wander I am likely to have an accident or things get difficult, go wrong or there’s conflict. When I notice this day dreaming happening now I gently point my attention back on my body focusing on my torso and my feet and how I’m breathing as a reminder of where to place my attention.
Shevon and Martin, I can so relate to what you both share here. I spent a great part of my younger life regularly checked out in daydreaming my life away, thinking up scenarios of things and life situations that I thought would make my life and me more interesting, more joyful. And as you say, Shevon, every time we are not present with what we are doing, it’s a check out, and so easy to do it’s scary. But tuning back in with my body is a great way of snapping me out of that indulgent moment that takes me absolutely nowhere and leaves me feeling disconnected and vague.
How much time are we wasting indeed. Still struggling with that one myself. ‘There is much for us to enjoy in life if we just stay present and open to it.’
I fear that many of our lives are not so comfortable, so we enjoy checking out too much, unfortunately wasting most of our lives doing so, hence the rise of cases of dementia and alzheimers disease.
I’m with you Ilja. It’s a real wonder why we choose to escape life rather than be present in it, every moment of everyday.
Martin a really great and valid comment, I am “guilty” of that as well. Before I know it time flies away checking phones and scrolling pages. Yet I can have a series of days when I don’t do that – those are the days where I feel better and sleep better – so you’ve certainly helped me put 2 & 2 together.
That was a lightbulb moment for me too David.
Nathalie, what a superb idea. I am, this minute, going to write some little reminders around my home to remind me to stay present.
Yes great idea, I find also that by feeling and connecting my body is also a fantastic way to stay present in the moment.
I can really relate to your comment Martin. I have been acutely feeling how much time I waste on checking out, going into my head, switching off on the internet etc, the list goes on . I am feeling more and more how this impacts my life and the difference in my body when I am present and connected. Janinas’ article has really sharpened my awareness of this. Thank you Janina, super-supportive.
I can relate to that too, I started to wonder why I wasn’t sleeping too well some nights, then I realised it was because I was scrolling through the internet as a “reward” in the evening, not a good idea or a self loving choice!
I love this Martin
Down. Time.
Like you I have found that time wasted looking for distraction or drifting into a day dream puts me into such a down state that it is hard to do the things I am here to do, the things that are saying “come on, get on with it :-)!”
I get mentally and physically sluggish, and start to look for any excuse not to start.
Checking back in takes energy and effort if I let my presence go. This of course is not a drama, but it is so much lovelier and far more simple to hold my presence, knowing this will never be perfect in this imperfect world.
Thank you Martin, your comment makes it easier to see how we actually create complication and stress in our lives when we check-out or trick ourselves that ‘down time’ is deserved or needed. I’ve come to realise that the vitality that I feel in my body is absolutely precious, and I am also aware that there is a counter momentum present in my body which is constantly at the ready to tempt me into engaging in activities that deplete this vitality by creating stress and anxiety. I am learning: to be more honest with myself when I notice I’ve checked-out; to be open to feel what’s happening in my body in that moment; to be more consistent in my commitment to feeling the feelings that I’m avoiding in the first place. Having an awareness of the ‘counter-momentum’ at play really supports me in this. And the knowing that vitality vs stress and anxiety is ultimately my choice.
Beautifully documented Stevie!
Such a great awareness you share Stevie – thank you. “…we actually create complication and stress in our lives when we check-out or trick ourselves that ‘down time’ is deserved or needed”. As you also share “vitality v’s stress and anxiety is my choice”. So why would we create distraction in our lives – checking out doing something that doesn’t support all of who we are?
Well said Stevie, that anxiety is our choice. We have the choice in each moment to stop and be present and enjoy each moment with everyone we meet and all that we do. Or choose to sit in the overwhelm that effects us and all those around us.
Super-supportive comment Stevie. it has given me much to feel into. And brought home the fact that I am ultimately responsible and indeed can choose between vitality or anxiety. Thank you for expressing this with such clarity.
Great point Stevie, I have also come to realise that living with “vitality vs stress and anxiety” is very much dependent on my choices.
What a brilliant and honest comment, Martin. I totally can relate and agree, and in reading this blog and your comment I feel my commitment to staying present with me more consistently deepening.
This is a beautiful sharing and lovely tool you have shared Natalie. I have also found that when I consciously make the effort to bring presence to an activity such as cleaning my teeth, opening the car door or making a cuppa then that gentleness and presence is a marker that my body registers and wants to continue to be in that quality each time I do that same activity. I have used this connection to myself and way for many things in my day and have now found that much of my day holds a level of presence that feels quite delicious. I love deepening and also noticing when and where I can bring more of myself to my life.
Presence does feel delicious Johanna! I so agree.
I just really made the connection from reading your reply that ‘down time’ is literally down time. It does bring us down. It usually involves dulling us – by eating too much, sleeping too much,checking out in front of the TV. Great point Marty and great food for thought.
Interesting, I never really thought about down time, what you say makes sense. Something to ponder on.
Martin, this is so true, how much time do I waste that I wish I could have back. To scroll through a newsfeed or check each time a new message comes in when I have much more important tasks that I know will leave me feeling energised, as opposed to flat and lethargic if I make the choice to check out. The bigger question for me is why would I want the downtime, what am I trying to escape from?
Yes great questions posed here, what do we want to escape from, I feel when we really answer this and uncover hurts and issues that we do not want to feel we can deal with it, move on and be more present with ourselves.
Nathalie and Janina, reading this article I can also feel “now I have to truly turn around the way I live to support myself lovingly, to feel all and to stay present with myself”.
You are so right Martin. There is much for us to enjoy in life if we stay present and open to what is in the moment. The temptation to fill every split second with doing is such an intense pull. At this stage it’s a very conscious choice I have to make to not constantly check the phone etc. While driving is a biggie.
Spot on with this comment Martin especially around knowingly de-energising ourselves so that when we do go back to work we get a real sense of it being hard and an effort – this self perpetuating cycle just goes on and on.
We all seem to have an on and off switch that we use to checkout. I use this when I am not comfortable with what I am feeling, when I feel I deserve some time off or when I can feel that I have moved beyond my normal level of power, expression or love. When I check out its all about me, I forget the love I have for people and just focus on my comfort. Perhaps one of the keys to staying present is to keep holding people in our hearts, caring enough to keep feeling and staying with everyone.
What you have written here is so beautiful Fiona, something to print out and put on the fridge door as a reminder often.
Well put Fiona and you hit the nail on the head – I can relate to what you write as well as sometimes I want to just chill and then it’s all about me. In essence that feels ok too as long as I hold everyone else that is around at that time in the love that they are and don’t create a ‘sign’ that says ‘ keep out’ or such like 😉
I like the ‘presence’ notes Nathalie. I heard someone say recently that the average awareness time for the population in the UK is 11 minutes per hour. Thats scary. I know when I am not present, and have various strategies to re connect, but wonder how long it takes me to know that I have lost presence – where have I gone in those gaps? I too, will join you and Janina in saying ‘Now I have to really turn around the way I live to support myself lovingly, to feel and to stay present with myself’.
Well said Martin and good call on checking out and what it creates.
What a great idea Nathalie having little notes with “presence,” written on them. I may have to try this what a great tip. It really is about the quality we bring to every little moment of our day that makes the difference. We may slip up here and there but its about the commitment to continue to be present as much as possible that helps support us in all that we do.
I feel what you say Martin about how you get affected in the quality of your energy by those moments you check out. It seems harmless to check out for a moment, take a break, but it is not harmless at all. It is like eating food which don’t support you or eating without presence, it makes you drop instantly. I have not been aware of this as much till this point but it will support me to choose differently.
Yes that is certainly the way we bring ourselves down. Great comment. In this day and age with so much distraction going on it is only getting harder to stay present so it is no luxury to bring ourselves back to what really matters and stop living in a world of illusion.
The very same question came to me recently Martin ‘How much time am I wasting’ and to look at this in a very honest way it is quite scary the distractions I allow into my everyday and not giving my full attention and applying this with all that I do. The amazing thing is I/we can do something about it and as you share”Why would we wait for signs of dementia to set in to start to turn this around”. No time like the present. Time to check-in.
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