Before I came to any of the Universal Medicine courses, I slept around and had sex quite regularly, without much consideration for myself. I felt that having sex was just a normal, socially acceptable thing to do. Settling for sex was a way of getting some kind of attention, even if it wasn’t more than “wham bam thank you man”! What I was searching for was love and a loving relationship – but what I settled for was sex.
And it wasn’t even good sex I settled for. All it was is this: “Here I am, let’s get it over and done with because at least I have your attention for a little bit because I know – sooner or later – you will be gone and I will be on my own again”.
Because of my past experiences with being sexually abused and never really dealing with that issue, I never really felt safe and supported by a partner, even if some were doing their best at the time to support me.
More often than not, I would not want to have sex, but I went through with it regardless because it was better than feeling alone or being rejected and because I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
I would do so much to not be rejected. I would give up me, and lay myself down so that I would be ‘loved’.
What is crazy is that none of that felt right to me. I knew it didn’t feel right at the time but I did it anyway. I didn’t ever get the ‘love’ I was searching for.
- I didn’t know there was a difference between having Sex and Making Love.
- I didn’t know that I would feel better within myself if I chose to love and care for myself first.
- I didn’t realise that giving my body over to someone else to use for sex was hurting me deeply.
- I was not aware that there was another way.
What I have learned from Universal Medicine, presentations by Serge Benhayon and from other Esoteric practitioners, is that there is no need to search for love or attention from outside and that I can be the One who loves me and cares for me tenderly.
I have been building this love for myself over the last 3 years and at first it was quite strange and foreign. This fact reveals how unloving I really was with myself. I was not aware of how sacred and precious I am.
Now that I love me, there is no way I would just hand my body over to be used for sex; there is no way I would now settle for sex when searching for love. From the role models that I have now, I can see what a true ‘gentleman’ looks and behaves like, and I can see what a loving relationship can be like and all I can say is it is far from what I have ever experienced. It brings me so much joy in seeing that there is indeed another way – a truly loving way. I have not yet experienced this other way, but I am aware that it exists and that is awesome.
My choices to cherish me, and to not settle for sex, have been inspired by the Esoteric Women’s Group and presentations from Natalie Benhayon and Serge Benhayon of Universal Medicine.
By Rosie Bason, Mullumbimby, Australia
Rosie I really appreciate your honesty and thank you for writing this blog as there are many girls that grow into womanhood and have sex when really they are craving to be met as they have not been brought up in a loving way to cherish themselves and their bodies. We accept a society that is absolutely loveless and it was not until Serge Benhayon and Universal medicine came along that the world was shown a different way to be, that the most important job in the world is to love and respect ourselves so deeply there is no way we would want to accept anything but true love, not this artificial love that we accepted in place of true love that is cold and heartless.
Only someone who knows the difference between having sex and making love could teach the lesson, which is why it’s not taught, most of us are having sex, even those of us who think that we’re making love because you can’t make love until you’ve started to be in a loving relationship with yourself and most of us aren’t, again, even though we may think that we are.
Sex can often be a very mechanical process, initiated by bodily impulses, whereas making love is impulsed by our connection with a person, sure it’s physical too but it’s driving force is the depth of our connection to another not stimulation of the physical body. And if making love does not reach a climactic conclusion then it doesn’t matter whereas when we’re having sex it becomes all about the grande finale.
“I can be the One who loves me and cares for me tenderly. ” Certainly takes the pressure of expecting and needing the other to preform in a certain way.
“there is no need to search for love or attention from outside and that I can be the One who loves me and cares for me tenderly. ” A beautiful realisation of the love that we already are that is waiting for us to open up to.
At the time that I was having sex I wouldn’t have been able to have made love, in fact it would have been impossible. Making love requires both people to be stripped back and vulnerable and that was something that I not only had no knowledge of but was simply way too protected to be.
“My choices to cherish me”, oh I love the word ‘cherish’ I really do but it’s not a word that gets used very often because it’s not something that most of us do and that’s a crying shame.
The honesty with which you share your journey from making abusive choices to committing to making it about loving yourself and not settling for anything less in relationships is a much needed message for all young people today who are under increasing pressure from the relentlessness of social media etc to be portraying a picture of a perfect life with no attention paid to the cost of doing this.
I hear you Rosie it hadn’t crossed my mind either until I attending Universal Medicine’s presentations that it starts with loving me first, all of me and then from here I know what standards of appreciation and respect that I will accept as being what I am worth. Stark difference from when I was drunk and seeked comfort from a man and at times not even drunk.
How many times do we set out searching for one thing but settle for something much, much less? This really reminds me that our standards in life are everything.
How can we expect something from another that we aren’t giving to ourselves? I have put expectations and needs in the way of developing a truly relationship. With being responsible for my own care and by taking care of my precious body I bring something completely different to a relationship that can be the foundation for making love.
I thought having sex and making love were the same, just different ways of describing a physical get together in bed with intercourse. How much have I learned since then and what I love most is how we can make love any moment of the day by being loving and sharing that with another or others. Just like I experienced this morning with a group of 20 students from The Way of The Livingness singing and expressing from our bodies and letting love in and out: making love in optima forma.
What you learnt is invaluable, life changing, having a big impact on you and how you feel, ‘I can be the One who loves me and cares for me tenderly.
I have been building this love for myself over the last 3 years and at first it was quite strange and foreign. This fact reveals how unloving I really was with myself. I was not aware of how sacred and precious I am.’
Rosie thank you for sharing so honesty about your experiences with sex, its something that needs to be discussed openly and in the matter of fact way as you have because it’s a huge part of adult life. The problem is we mostly don’t know how to care for and love ourselves in sexual relationships, or that there is a difference between sex and making love. You’ve provided so many important markers for men and women to understand by sharing your experiences, the most important being that we can love ourselves and not seek love elsewhere in unhealthy ways. I was also deeply touched by this line “I was not aware of how sacred and precious I am.” That is so true for so many of us and across all parts of life. Thank you Rosie.
Melinda reading the comment
“I was not aware of how sacred and precious I am.”
It’s obvious that we are not shown or taught this at all, we live in a very abusive society that does not easily recognize such words and such words are it seems actively discouraged especially in women. It’s as though there is a consciousness driving us to not be aware and to be abusive so that we do not get to feel the sacredness and preciousness that is there waiting to be discovered in all of us. And until we wake up to this consciousness not much is going to change any time soon.
The Livingness is so much about us moving in a way that supports the way we Love and making Love does come from our way we live first and foremost as True Love is self perpetuating and as such is forever deepening. So there are no reactions or out moments where we are less Love as being love-less means we did not have The Livingness of Love in our body in the first place and we have simply reinterpreted the word Love to fit our ideals.
The Livingness is so much about us moving in a way that supports the way we Love and making Love does come from our the way we live first and foremost.
Having sex leads us down the dark tunnel of desire and obsession and leads to emptiness in relationships where we seek more or elsewhere. We know that this does not feel right, but we keep going in the effort that things will change.
What a different marker/point you have come to in your life than you have described previously. I am inspired to become more honest on where I have been/are with my relationship with myself and others and how my need for searching for love and settling for sex has been in the past, and where I can now deepen the love within myself to actually be more love and receive it equally so.
Very beautiful Rosie to feel your return to honouring the deeply sacred relationship that is of the greatest love, one we all have access to, our relationship with our essence within. As you have shared, when we develop this relationship we live in far greater honor of our body and being, and this also is what we offer to all we are in a relationship with.
The greatest love affair that any of us can have is with ourselves and there is no end to how deeply we can go.
Thank you Rosie, for you are supporting us feeling that there is a greater way – love.
When I have not been connecting too, walking and loving who I am, I can feel that I look outside myself for recognition and to be filled by another. When I go to relationships in this way there is a neediness and this lessens the quality of connection with another.
Yes, neediness is a killer. We just have to fill our own cup and then share it with all others instead of needing them to fill it for us.
Yes, any form of neediness, recognition, approval etcetera from outside ourselves always feels horrible for both parties, which brings it back to us truly loving and cherishing ourselves.
We think that if we change position, find a new nightdress or toy to play with that our sex life will go through the roof. But the fact is, is we cap the whole thing by never connecting and tenderly cherishing who we are. What I have found is when we do this what flows next can’t help but be super sexy. Thank you Rosie for writing about a topic we all avoid.
I hear you Joseph, there is nothing more sexy than connection because with that, nothing else actually matters.
Beautiful Rosie- to the bottom reaching in its truth.. Finding its way through touching the heart of mankind. Thank you for your expression and lived wisdom here on earth.
Hi Danna, thank you. You know as a child, and even now at times, people react to the amount of truth and expose I bring so I appreciate your loving words. It inspires me to keep on sharing.
The tragic thing is that by giving up on ourselves and settling for sex we are setting ourselves up to be rejected because we have already rejected ourselves. This pattern is being repeated all over the world but it is great that we now have role models showing us that there is another way and that our search for love starts with deeply loving ourselves and developing a tender caring way that would never dream of not honouring the sacred women that we all are at heart.
When you put it like this Helen, it is sad to acknowledge and see how many of us have given up on ourselves and then I think of people who are in relationships or better said, they are in arrangements and they have not only given up on themselves but also on each other but stay together as its cheaper, convenient, they don’t want to be alone or for the children or whatever whatever.
When we start to love ourselves, everything has the possibility of changing, and in the choices that we make, we can evolve or not… It is our choice.
Yes and what I have found is that I actually wasn’t very good at letting love in and expressing love for quite some time as I was in a level of protection that I wasn’t even aware of. It has been great to slowly let the barriers of protection come down.
Today we experienced in workshop with Chris James how letting the love in, let’s all of us expand. So it is not only the expressing to another that is important but receiving is equally important.
Accepting that there is Love in our life is an amazing first step as most of us have lived in the unreal world of having sex based on an emptiness that as you have shared Rosie is at best fleeting. Love on the other hand has so much to offer and scratching the surface of love comes from being self-loving after we have learnt to be at-least gentle with-our-self. Making Love has so much to offer and most disconnect from the True depth of what Love brings to us. And this is only because we are so far away from reaching the depths that True-Love can bring. This is not say we do not search for Love in some way we all do but the lines get blurred until we understand our relationship with True-Love.
Making love can actually be confronting and allowing yourself to be open to more love is avoided I feel in many ways so no wonder you just accept the sex instead of opening yourself up to something so much more.
The endless race of looking for love outside of us is forever exhausting and leaves us in an unloving place, because love never comes with effort and dishonour of ourselves. What you did, Rosie, is very honest and wise, because you stopped that race to feel yourself and re-connect with the love within you. Having role models who show to us what is true self-love and true intimacy is a treasure for us to sustain that process.
Having true role models is a treasure and I often think of all the beautiful people in my life who have inspired me and supported me along the way. I have so much appreciation for their reflection and the ripple effect that they have started that now carries on.
If we are not aware what true love is we will search for sex. As with all things energetic there is no in between, it is either making love or having sex no matter how sensual, eccentric or orgasmic it is. The body is all not parts where the male genitals are used for pleasure instead of all the body to confirm making love. There is remarkable difference and I would rather have no sex than to make love.
Thank you Rosie. What you share is very honest, raw and powerful. This is what should be covered is sex education classes, in fact maybe they should be called love education classes. If we were taught to value ourselves and our bodies without being loaded with ideals and beliefs about sexuality we would have a very different relationship with sex and love making.
Yes, and as a parent, I just love that I have learnt this now… better late than never and I can now share another way with the next generation as we are all role models, so what exactly are we showing them if we settle for less.
School for thought Leonne, and with sexting being so prevalent maybe we could hold Lessons about Love and true gender equality from pre-school?
Interesting that you say pre-school Greg as I was asked the other day if I had had the birds and the bees talk with my daughter and does she understand how it all works etc etc and I was shocked as she is now 14 so yes I have had that talk with her and I realised that I didn’t have one talk, but many over the years from when she was very young. I am appreciating this now, because I never kept love, sex or love making or these topics back from her with the thoughts of she is too young, but rather talked about them as they are a normal part of life. Mind you, her first lessons come to think about it were about dogs and horses having sex and if they could reproduce or not. Great way to learn.
Yes making Love and having sex are ocean’s apart and thank God we can ‘sea’ the difference. And as you have shared nature will always supply what ever is needed.
I agree Leone. It’s only recently that I have looked back at some of the things I did whilst having sex and realised that I did them because I thought that they were part of having sex and not because I actually wanted to do them. It seems crazy now but at the time I never questioned it.
I never really slept around much, but when i did it, it certainly didn’t feel great, even when I was in a relationship the sex was totally disconnected from each other. Now knowing how much this is about just relief and the need to be wanted and accepted and letting go of this by building a true relationship with myself. I too know that I would never go back to sex. Making love is the only way now for me.
The need to be wanted and accepted is strong within us all, but it feels so good when we realise that we have to first bring that love to ourselves before we can expect it from anyone else, and in this, there is a great sense of freedom from not needing something from another.
I love the completeness that loving myself brings, it is vastly different to the gaping hole that not loving myself left.
I’ve seen a photo of a couple that I know with-in each of them they are incredibly tender houring people and together they are divine and exquisite. It confirms to me that hardening to make allowances for the other is not required and misses so much more than anything we can imagine we are missing by not being in ‘a relationship’.
Hardening our bodies and being hard on each other won’t get any of us anywhere.
Beautifully expressed, thank you Richard.
You could maybe apply this formula to almost any situation, how often do we set out for one thing and compromise along the way? And could the answer always be found in our relationship with ourselves and building a life that’s exquisitely loving so that we never compromise that?
I think that is the way to go Meg! Lets not compromise. Ever.
I can relate to this- in the past I would pretty much just have accepted anything. Now my experience is very different- if it is just the energy of sex I have no interest in it, my body often closes down and doesn’t want to go there. When it is about making love- there is a joy, playfulness and I am fully there enjoying each moment with my partner. They are two very different experiences.
Yes the body speaks very loud and clear and all we need to do is be aware of the signs and how it is communicating to us all of the time.
It’s more common to be disregarding of ourselves and because it’s so common most people see it as normal to be rough with themselves and live in some form of self neglect. Even if we tick the box of exercising regularly or eating well, both of these may still be done with complete disregard to the body. It’s great what you have shared Rosie as whether it is sex, parenting, work or some other area of life we can learn to bring love there and completely change our way of life.
You are right Melinda, and we need to realise that the being rough with ourselves is actually a form of self abuse. It is easy to identify abuse away or on the outside of us, but we often miss how abusive we can actually be to ourselves.
” there is no need to search for love or attention from outside and that I can be the One who loves me and cares for me tenderly. ” this is so wonderful and its so wonderful now for your daughter that she knows the truth of love from you , thank you for sharing Rosie.
It is so true that there is a difference between having sex and making love. And the journey to discovering this difference can be taken to as an exploration, knowing that there may be times when there may need to be a little more understanding and patience while what is new has time to be learnt.
It is truly sad how the glue between most couples these days is sex and this is apparently what keeps them together when for most of the week they may not see or be in deep contact or connection with one another. We all dearly know that it is natural to be intimate but we must first be deeply intimate with ourselves before we ever can with another.
It is interesting the lengths that we will go to to tick a box, and scary at the same time!!
When we say no to what dishonours us and yes to what nourishes and builds us we start to flourish from within and blossom into living our potential in our every day.
We also inspire our daughters and others to do the same.
A common story for many women. Super important to be talking about it and exposing it. Why it takes so long for us to discover that we are worth looking after, I’ll never understand, but it is all of us collectively, men and women, who have contributed to this mess we are all in where we use eachother and use ourselves to gain something we feel is missing within us. It’s not it.
Very good point Elodie, we are all in it together, we can’t blame one gender or the other, as we are all responsible.
This article is incredibly sweet and touching. It shows the power and the strength that lives inside every woman and man who chooses to say yes to self-love.
How many times in our lives do we set out for one thing and settle for something so much less? I love that you have uprooted this pattern and now care for yourself in a way that you would not let yourself be used or anything harm you – ultimately it’s the relationship we build with ourselves moment to moment that determines the level of harm we allow in our lives.
And as strange as it may seem to some, I used to get in and drive any old car, not ever considering how uncomfortable it is or how dangerous it could be. These days, I am much wiser in choosing what car I want to drive purely because I care more for myself than ever before.. I know have a 5 star safety rating because I am worth it!
Wow Rosie, such an uptake of self-worth is truly inspiring.
Thanks for sharing the audios Doug, they are great! There is always more for us to learn and its great to break old ways of thinking and be inspired knowing there is another way.
What really struck me yesterday when having a conversation about sex, was how in the first instance of having sex it never occurred to me to question what I had just experienced and if I even liked it. At the time I remember feeling very powerful because I had something this particular guy wanted, and all of a sudden I felt different. In those days I can definitely say I settled for less than love, and was looking in all the wrong places.
It is interesting how much we do in life, that we don’t question, or even feel if we like it or not…. doesn’t just have to be sex, can be almost anything in life.
This is such a global problem – how many of us world wide are searching for love and settling for much much less.
Yes, this is a global problem, and what came to me as I read your comment, is how many so called happy marriages are actually in the same boat but too afraid to admit it and afraid of what might happen if they voice it.
And settling for less love in and from ourselves is a great tragedy.
It sure is, and is the reason why there is so much hurting going on in our families, communities and beyond.
I’d always ‘dream’ there was another, but the dream always came with a picture that someone would bring to me what I craved. I never dreamt that the reality and truth is we bring it to ourselves by re-connecting to the loveliness and love we already are.
So honest Rosie and exquisite in what you have claimed for yourself. As a result of your choices you are now and inspiration to so many – that commitment to loving oneself deeply absolutely deeply is the best investment w can ever make.
True Katerina, there is no better way to invest than in yourself and your own true worth and value. Still practising this and at times I struggle but when I do, I reap the benefits in the most beautiful ways.
Thank you Rosie, self love is the only way, with out we get ourselves into all sorts of trouble – forget any kind of solution if we don’t have self love we have nothing.
The vital ingredient, first add self love, with a bit more and ensure that you keep the judgement, doubt, self loathing or criticism out.
“What I was searching for was love and a loving relationship – but what I settled for was sex.” I love this sentence as it applies to so many if not most of us. We have substituted sex with love and have unlearned to be truly intimate with each other, showing all of us in all our vulnerability and tenderness.
And we really miss out when we do this, when we are not truly intimate with each other as how healing is it, when we can show another our vulnerability and be held and supported in our imperfections.
Another down to earth blog. This is what most people mistake sex as being a form of love, it might satisfy on the surface but deep down it keeps them empty.
Sex education needs to change and openly discussed about the difference between love making and sex.
Yes sex education needs a whole new revamp but that’s a whole other blog because really if young people were more aware of the difference between sex and love and were not bombarded by porn then things would be quite different.
I love the title of this blog, it makes it so clear what we have made love to be, and you describe concisely how this then takes us through life. So thank you for sharing this Rosie and thank God for Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon for setting a different marker where we are reminded how very worth we are to be treated with love in every moment.
Yes thank God for Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon. If I hadn’t learnt from the teachings that he has presented, I would still be out there, sleeping around searching and feeling empty and unloved. Why… because that is all I knew and what is so socially accepted. Crazy when I think back to it now as it is as far away from love as is possible.
I was similar and always craved affection and attention so would accept anything from men as long as I was being touched. I am now in a relationship with a man who won’t make love if he has something going on or doesn’t feel like he is fully open with me at the time. There have been times when I have still gone looking for sex for the relief of the tension and for the touch but it is amazing to be with a man who says no to this.
Thanks for sharing MW, it is great that men can bring this level of care to us as women and set a new way. It would be great it men could write about it and share it, so that others can know that we as women actually love that. I love your honesty too, in wanting the relief or just touch me so I feel that everything is okay. I know what you mean.
Through the work of Universal Medicine I have met many men that I would say have shown me what it is to truly be a man, and what it is to have a man honour a woman.
It is great isn’t Heather and to watch how these men then inspire other men is wonderful.
Great blog. Love your honesty and i can really relate to what you have shared. Why do we settle for less and take or use sex instead of the love we all truly deserve? I guess from what I have learnt it comes down to our relationship with ourselves first, how much do we and are we willing to love ourselves first. I am also aware how more and more girls and women have sex even when they don’t want it to make the other person ‘feel better’ or because they do not want to ‘hurt’ the other persons feelings or because if they sleep with them they will stop being harassed! This is so insidious and something we definitely need to have more conversations and discussions about so we really get to feel and see just how unloving this is.
I am amazed at my honesty because for me, for the longest time I found it hard to talk about sex let alone write about it but then I have these moments of revelations and I think to myself, oh my, others must be doing this too and so I share it to help us all realise the stuff that we get stuck in and that no one is perfect.
Thank you Rosie for so honestly sharing an experience many of us have had in the past. I used sex thinking that this would get me love, but all it left me with was more emptiness and disappointment It wasn’t till Universal medicine that I came to know that the love I longed for was inside of me, as my love for me deepens so does my intimacy in relationships grow.
Thanks for writing this with such honesty Rosie. We have to ask ourselves why this is:
I didn’t know there was a difference between having Sex and Making Love.
I didn’t know that I would feel better within myself if I chose to love and care for myself first.
I didn’t realise that giving my body over to someone else to use for sex was hurting me deeply.
I was not aware that there was another way.
And you are certainly not the first person to feel this. But this massively shows a flaw in how we are bringing up each generation if they do not know this.
A great title that rings home to many and thank you for writing about a topic that can continue to be masked with the glamour that is attached to the ease of having just a sexual relationship when deep down our true potential to love is far greater than we offer another.
So many times I sought love but always accepted Sex, accepted being used and used others. It was horrible to look back on but at the time my escape, my drug and my way to cope in life. The changes I’ve made and the incredible depth of quality I feel in my body today is something I often don’t appreciate in full as it is a true blessing.
It is a true blessing to be where I am today too, so much healing done and often I forget to stop and appreciate. At times, it feels as my past was really a past life.
It is lovely to read this again and feel the openness and love with which you share and write, Rosie. The openness breaks down the barriers of a subject that for many can be uncomfortable, confrontational and difficult to discuss, I know it certainly has been for me in the past.
Thank you Jonathan, you are right in it not being a comfortable topic to discuss, and one that I would have never been able to talk about with friends, let alone publish on the world wide web but I had this sense that it is something that we all struggle with and something that needs to be shared openly. The more we do this, the easier it is for all of us to talk about openly and break down any barriers.
Even in a supportive and loving relationship, when we settle for sex and do not make love we are abusing ourselves and the other person no different to how we may do in prostitution. Sex makes it purely about the act where as making love makes it all about celebrating the ever deepening connection.
This is a beautiful way to see it. Thanks Joshua.
Thank you for this blog Rosie. Sex is usually associated with the word ‘intimacy’. But from what I have experienced it is nowhere near as intimate as being in the presence of a truly loving person who offers openness and transparency. In comparison sex is like a kind of sport – it begins and it ends, and when void of true love is just an empty act. It provides an intensity that keeps us occupied and entertained for a while, but then it is over, and it leaves us craving more. This highlights the fact of the emptiness. I also have not experienced the other way, but I know it exists, and it is worth focusing on building love for myself so that my day is full of love whether I am ‘making love’ with someone else or not.
I like your explanation Rebecca, and I have never really liked sport!
” I was not aware of how sacred and precious I am” A beautiful realisation that until we feel and know how sacred and precious we are we do not make love with a partner.
I think it’s important to not settle for less, but at the same time because we as women have started so far away from our sacredness, men do not know how to be, or women – because we have become so hard and demanding, and almost of not trying to out do them. I feel in many relationships it’s important to not come home and say thats it, I’m not having sex anymore, this is demanding and coming from our needs, and not tell a partner you need to do this, this is how you should be with me, again this is coming from our needs, and gentleness and love can only come from how we live. But to teach a partner again, and you know what it may be a women learning from a man, what it is to make love again. Sex can be okay, it’s not wrong, it can be a learning step if both partners are treating each other with respect and compliant with all that’s happening, to making love. This is not something that can happen over night, this is something i feel we have to learn to understand, live and respect. But obviously not just sleeping with someone who treats us like crap, because no one will learn grow or evolve from this.
It is important to not make rules or regulations or demand things be a certain way because we want to control things to suit our own pictures and ideals and beliefs. I am in a new relationship and there is so much to learn and there is no right or wrong but a lot of openess, understanding and room for trial and error.
When you grow up not being cherished and adored for who you are and don’t have role models around who deeply love and care for themselves- then settling for any form of attention over love becomes the norm. What we see reflected in society about what loving relationships are is often based on needs and emotions. There is this idea that someone will romantically bring you the love you have been missing and so we go out looking for anything that resembles this quality instead of recognising that firstly we are love and it’s about expressing this out and knowing that our expression of love is what determines the quality of love in our relationships.
And reading this makes me just want to love myself up more and more and then share that with everyone.
And herein is why Universal Medicine and Esoteric Women’s Health are so, so important. Without them we’d have neither the understanding that there is another way nor the means to implement the changes we need to live another way.
Teenagers and young people need to have access to true lived wisdom like this. In a time when some children are experimenting having sex in primary school, sharing what is behind that need and the consequences of that on our bodies and having a loving relationship with themselves first needs to be shared.
It could be said to be a cliché , even a truism, but it still Remains And always will be a fundamental truth that humanity must understand and within that understanding in connection the foundation for our true evolution will be found
I have had a time in my life where I slept around and I didn’t realise either that, giving my body over to someone to have sex, was deeply hurting my body.. although my body was very clear in its signals, lots of migraines after those days of alcohol and having sex ( there was always alcohol involved) and lots of vaginal candida infections. It was loud and clear but I did not want to listen and make the necessary, more loving choices in my life back then. So much has changed in my life when I did start and made these self loving choices, no more migraines, or candida infections and no more having sex but honouring my body in what I feel and make love from this forever evolving relationship with myself and from there with my partner.
I was just thinking of how common candida infections can be, I remember from my time practising as a Medical Herbalist and now it just occurs to me, that it is part of this lack of self love, this sleeping around and in that spreading the infection and not taking any responsibility for it. And that same lack of self love can still exist in a couple who don’t sleep around. Both men and women can have it but often it is just the women who have the painful symptoms. I used to get it too, so I speak from experience, and like you haven’t had it for years. Got to love that!
“forever evolving relationship with myself” Annelies I love the truth of these words, our relationship with ourself is forever evolving, as is our relationship with life.
We are Life and Life is Us which is another way of saying we are God and God is Us.
I’m sure this is a very common story and one that may only be getting worse. Sexting and what young girls are posting on social media is shocking and disturbing. We need to look at why this is happening in our society. I know when I was younger, whilst my choices felt completely wrong, I knew no other way. It wasn’t until I had role models in my life that I began to cherish myself more and no longer turn a blind eye to the way I was abusing myself. This is a gorgeous blog Rosie.
Thanks Nikki, we are all role models all the time and the young women that I meet in my work and in the community are so in need of true role models unlike the ones on youtube that are half naked and in chains, I mean what is it with that? When you were young you knew no other way, as did I and I still think this is the case for most young women today.
I also learned in the last years that I am precious and worth to be treated like that – firstly from me! To settle for less makes me less, even I can not BE less just be treated like… And so, to claim back my love for me is coming back to who I truly am. I did not consciously chose to leave me, but now I do to come back!
Just absolutely gorgeous to read. The key to not selling our bodies out is in simply loving and cherishing ourselves. The truest truths are always so simple.
It is gorgeous that through these presentations you have come to realise how sacred and precious you are and now love yourself tenderly in a way you deserve. This is the foundation of any relationship even before the physical comes into play.
“I was not aware of how sacred and precious I am.” Beautiful Rosie and with that awareness true love is the only choice.
Having ‘quality’ love and intimacy in our lives seems to be a rare commodity for many people I meet.
The very fact that most people can’t hold an embracing gaze to a stranger highlights our disconnection from others we come across in everyday life.
How different life is when one realises, “that there is no need to search for love or attention from outside and that I can be the One who loves me and cares for me tenderly.”
When we start to truly love ourselves, behaviours we might of done in the past seem to drop away because we don’t even consider them anymore – we don’t even allow the thought to come in. I have found this quiet amazing – the more we honour ourselves, the more our actions reflect this naturally so. It shows how we can also get into a downward spiral of a lack of self worth very easily and continue to make ill choices – but to start to say no and appreciate that we always have a choice to be more loving is a great healing on the body.
So beautifully and honestly expressed Rosie. When we begin to truly nurture and lovingly build the relationship with ourselves we can naturally say no to what is not love.
Your honesty and openness melts me Rosie. I especially love the way you explain that although you have not experienced a truly loving partner relationship this lifetime you can see that this is possible through the reflection of others. This really is a wonderful thing. For me simply knowing that real love is actually possible makes it feel absolutely awful to even think about settling for less. This is a huge blessing that I am very thankful for.
What I have found interesting is also all the subtleties that can exist within that as you go through a process of learning to be more loving with yourself- there are more layers to peel back and different things to let go of and through this something you think is okay one week may change as you change and this is an ongoing process.
That is very true, it is an ongoing process. No hilltop to reach and that is it. No plateaux but a forever expanding and being open to what is next as we change and let go of what we no longer are anymore.
What love is, and the love being reflected around the world and in relationship is so removed from what the truth is. Love in the relationships I have been in have been about loving the other so much they will love you back in the same way – there was no element of ‘being’ that love and loving self in that way in my life. I am now aware of the difference and it is amazing and all need for any type of acknowledgement, recognition or affection from outside of myself is disappearing. I am now able to be a reflection of what love truly is in the world for others now. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine has brought through this awareness and continue to live what this truly means. It has been very powerful observing this for the first time in my life and finally be clearer about the choices that are available to us all. Thank you Rosie for sharing and the beautiful and true reflection you now bring to those around you of what love is.
Powerful message to us all Rosie. This totally rocks, and shows us that love is found within each one of us – and that when it is lived by you – it is the goldmine you have and it can only get better if you then meet someone who equally loves her or himself and share the magic all in one! Incredible and empowering message. We know that love making exist and that sex is definitely not the only way!
I have been someone who avoided intimate relationships unless I was drunk. Then in that state I would almost accept anything, I wouldn’t think about it the next day just move on. With each experience I got more and more protected. I was totally shut down to the idea of a relationship as I didn’t think I deserved that. It has only been through the support and reflection offered by Universal Medicine workshops and sessions that I have started to value and love myself as a woman. As I now enter a relationship learning about making love and being intimate with someone is like starting over again, it is such a different experience to what I had in the past. I love that the more I express and honour myself it also honours my partner and in this he is also able to learn to express himself.
Every single person on the planet needs to build this deeper relationship with themselves, to honour themselves, so that we all have a foundation of reconnection within which we can then build that body of love which we all need to evolve.
When we have a relationship with ourselves first as our own ‘the One’, then we learn to love ourselves fully and deeply and to understand what love truly is. This is then a great foundation from which to let another in and means we don’t settle for anything less by giving our power away to a so-called love from another or a level of intimacy that’s short of the real thing. The key is to know it for ourselves, within ourselves first.
We are constantly used to ‘settling for second best’… the thing is quite often we don’t know what to do with true beauty or relationships or connections when we have them, so it feels like it comes down to treasuring the connection with ourselves first, and seeing how this opens up our lives.
Treasuring the connection we have with ourselves is a great place to start Chris, and it makes me again see the importance of appreciation in our lives because it is a practise that I have started to apply and it is a game changer. When there is appreciation it is easy to treasure and take care first and foremost. It can then become a solid foundation on which we stand and live on.
Beautiful Rosie, it is so empowering to know the truth of love, and thus not being able to settle for less.
It sure is! I was at a workshop yesterday and talking about marriage, divorce and love in general and relationships, I came to realise just how many ideals and beliefs we have in this area of life. So many pictures that we are trying to live up to and so many contracts, expectations and impositions.
How I see it Marika, is that it is not common for women to discuss this, so why would the younger generation feel okay to be open and go where no one wants to. We have to start some where, and we have to let go of our own self judgment and just put everything out in the open to then realise that we are not alone.. and that many are having similar issues the only thing is, is no one is talking about them and therefore addressing them.
For any true relationship to work there needs to be self love for oneself first- ” I can be the One who loves me and cares for me tenderly. ‘ – I so agree. I have been working on this for a few years now and it definitely has made a difference to how I feel and interact with my husband. I am not expecting him to fulfil my emptiness.
It must feel great for him too Loretta, to not have you being needy or expecting him to fulfil your emptiness.
When there is no self loving support or self worth held for yourself, sex is how we fill that void trying to have some love to feel, trouble is, there can be no love in this needy interaction because in choosing to have sex and not make love or refrain, your saying, I need this to fill the void I won’t take the responsibility to fill with my own amazing love.
Yes, it is a sell out for sure. Settling for less.
Making love isn’t something that most of us are able to choose unless we have first made a lot of other self loving choices. The ability to make love is dependent on our ability to choose love for ourselves in our everyday lives, it’s not something that we can switch on on a Saturday night.
This is truly beautiful to read Rosie. What Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon present about the difference between making love and having sex is so important. So many (young) women give themselves to sex without knowing there is another way. Thank you for sharing this other way which starts with loving ourselves so deeply that we do not accept anything less.
What I realised recently is that the more we as women do not accept less, the more others will be inspired to do the same, one woman at a time, together we all make a difference.
I agree RB, our own choice to honour and cherish ourselves and our bodies with the tenderest of love from our own absolute stillness, is epic and truly powerful. Our own love, can move mountains.
It sure can Julie and I know that I have totally under estimated the power of my love.
Thanks for this great reminder that ‘I can be the One who loves me and cares for me tenderly’ and by so doing there is no place for any rejection by another. I don’t need to ‘lay myself down’ so that I can be ‘loved’ by someone other than me. Outsourcing love never works.
That is true, outsourcing love never works because you will always be searching for that which you cant find outside… but only comes from within.
I feel the hurt in your words Rosie when you so honestly share that you handed over your body for sex when you were really searching for love. I can so relate to this too as this was my experience for a number of years. But coming back to our sacredness and preciousness is so beautiful and something to be treasured, and I’m with you on that one when I say I no longer want to settle for less than love and am not prepared to ‘hand my body over’ to another as the difference between sex and making love is becoming clear to me and we are worth more than that. And that goes for the majority of men too, because the reality is that they are searching for love too and having sex is the only way they know how.
All women are sacred and precious and we all hold these qualities equally within. Unfortunately the harshness and hustle and bustle of modern day life does not encourage or support us to feed these qualities let alone recognise we all can freely connect to them at any time. This is why Esoteric Women’s Health, its presentations, magazines and groups are so awesome as they are all fully committed to reconnecting women back to their innate wisdom and sacredness which is their true power.
Thanks Rosie for your honest sharing which, obviously from the responses, many people can relate to. When I first heard about self love through Universal Medicine I found the whole notion very daunting. I had a hazy understanding about what self love meant but it barely scratched the surface of its true meaning. I then wanted to know how to ‘do’ self love as if there was a list of things I could tick off and then I had ‘it’ but again found that I was only vaguely on track. I now realise that it is all encompassing and that absolutely every moment is either self loving or is self abuse. One thing I am really appreciating is that the moments of self love are increasing and I no longer see self love as having a defined end point, but rather as something that just keeps growing over time.
Well said Helen, it does keep growing and changing over time as we develop more self love. There is no right or wrong and there is always a deeper level that we can go to when we are ready.
learning to nurture ourselves in every way, letting go of every form of abuse, is all part of laying that foundation of self-love and it is all essential.
All forms of abuse is important here Chris because if we leave any area out because it may hurt to much or we just don’t want to go there, we miss out in many ways because the whole is affected and therefore our foundation is not steady.
This sentence is so simple and clear and sums up exactly how I felt a few years ago “I didn’t know that I would feel better within myself if I chose to love and care for myself first.” A voice inside said “you know what there is another way” Through inspiration and observing true role models I am finding my way back to who I truly am, with love, grace and joy…and I commit to being understanding with myself and others because 10 years ago I had no idea that actually learning to truly care for myself would eventuate in me pondering how I feel about myself and being able to say “I Love You” , I do love myself and so I can love another, truly awesome.
Thanks for the honest blog Rosie, settling for anything less than love always ends up being short term and unpleasant
Rosie this is so profound it explains a lot about my life and relationships. I always had an immense respect, admiration and adoration for women when I finally did get a girlfriend there were all sorts of problems I did not expect because I thought I was committed to love. Looking back I can see that I had no love for myself so was not capable of loving another. This may seem off topic but it is the same lack of self worth causing us to settle for less.
Thank you Bernard, I don’t feel it is off topic at all. I think you nailed it. Our lack of self worth = we settle for less.
Build the self love and self worth and we don’t need love from someone else, but we are able to share our love together but never settle for less because we know we are worth love.
Thank you for sharing so freely Rosie, and I am sure many people could relate. Everybody wants true love so why would we settle for sex when clearly they are vastly different? From what you have shared when someone does not feel love and respect for themselves sex is better than being alone, such a fall from grace to reduce a potentially loving connection down to sex. People can handle a loving no and feel that it is true. I hope many people learn from what you have shared Rosie.
I also totally relate Rosie. To return to the understanding that the love we seek lies within us is life changing and an awareness we all deserve to reconnect to. With honest articles like yours Rosie, the world has a chance to share in this relearning. I have spent so many years dishonouring my body, seeking love from the outside and accepting supposed love and recognition in any form. How amazing I now feel, like yourself, to know I am precious and beautiful and do not need to compromise or seek love from the outside. I’m also loving how I keep finding pockets of it however stored in sneaky little places where even in my current relationship, I accept less just to gain some recognition or a bit of love. Thanks Rosie. 🙂
Yes Gina, it is great when we get super super honest and find all the sneaky little ways in which we still seek recognition. It is through this awareness and this honesty that we can start to make changes.
Saying that ‘love is within us’ is just another saying. Like anything it has to be felt to be known and then once felt it is known forever.
Wow, Rosie, your beautiful honesty here in sharing this with us…thank you. I am sure this is an all too familiar feeling for many including myself. Giving myself away sexually just for attention or so called ‘love’, and even as a release of built up tension and stress, was the name of the game for me for many years. Today I am working on this being a beautiful intimate sharing with another where it becomes about honouring myself as well as the other person equally. This has changed it from an intense, sometimes self rejecting, sometimes selfish driven ‘exercise’ dare I say, to a deeply loving, deeply appreciative, playful and heavenly expression. Of course understanding the relationship I have with myself, or lack of, was paramount to me changing this part of my life and like you have been deeply inspired, supported by and grateful for the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
“From the role models that I have now, I can see what a true ‘gentleman’ looks and behaves like, and I can see what a loving relationship can be like “. This is so important Rosie, that we have the right role models and they are rare in society indeed. This is what I treasure about Universal Medicine, the people you meet at the events and the relationships that they foster and cherish are very inspirational and make me see and especially feel what is truly possible.
Thank you for sharing so honestly, Rosie. Its amazing how even in a marriage many women give themselves to their partner for sex while they are thinking about what they are going to have for dinner!! I have done this in the past and I love and cherish my husband dearly but I did not love me all that much and certainly did not understand intimacy at any level. In the last 2-3 years we have been exploring intimacy at a much deeper level and our relationship has changed immensely- we are making love rather than having sex and this has been very revealing for me and so nourishing and healing for our relationship.
So true Simon, because we would feel it all and think, no thats not it… or know it that moment that your body isn’t filled with anxiety.
I love the idea of making love without the sexual physical act as it gives space and no rush or destination to get to.
And yes, it would be great to have more role models and people talking about this and for it to be in the movies!
It is a seeming conundrum how to discern between having sex and making love, when there is no education and very few role models out there around this difference. One would think it came down to try and try again with different partners until you ‘find someone’ who treats you right. Yet what Rosie shares is a revelation, that we can get to know love in our own bodies first and get to experience making love without the sexual physical act with another, so when the moment is there to make a choice between the physical act of having sex or making love with another, we can actually know all there is to know about it already and indeed, have such a strong foundation of love in our bodies, that we would never choose sex over love, if it seemed to be going that way.
Yes I agree Simon there are very few role models, even those who live lovingly rarely share so openly as Rosie has done. Treating yourself with tender loving care gives you the foundation not to accept anything less from a partner.
Like you, Rosie, I had no idea how harming ‘having sex’ was for me. After attending a few presentations by Universal Medicine and listening to Serge Benhayon I became more aware of my body’s messages and how it truly felt after having sex. Becoming more self-loving has opened up a truer way of being love with another and I am so appreciative of this.
A very tender sharing, Rosie. I can feel the tenderness and love you now have for you -so different to the self abandonment you once lived in. I too have realised that a true connection to me must come before I can truly love another.
Becoming aware that we can love and care for ourselves deeply and offer ourselves everything that we have been looking for another to provide, is one of the greatest blessings Universal Medicine has offered…. allowing us to realise that there is no need to settle for anything and there is absolutely another way that is truly gorgeous.
This is such a massive topic Rosie, if not for most women but also I’m sure for men too in their own way unique for them. Thank you for shinning a light of the very distinct difference between settling for any form of ‘togetherness’ via having sex, to loving ourselves enough and committing to a relationship with ourself first.
It is amazing that as a society it is not a common understanding or principle that there is a difference between sex and making love. We need only look at the chronic usage of pornography to see the extreme level of intimacy issues that are prevalent. Our teenagers have no true role models educating and sharing with them the difference between what it is to love yourself vs seeking that love outside of yourself. This is a contentious topic that needs to be talked about more often and for us to share honestly and as openly as you have Rosie. Thank you
Thank you Rosie for such honest and beautiful sharing of how you transformed your life from such an abusiive one , to now such a loving and tender one, making it about self love first.
This is such a beautiful claiming of a true woman Rosie, one who has drawn a line of love for herself and who won’t be accepting any less – extremely inspirational 🙂
Absolutely Tamara. Rosie has shared an experience that is shared by so many women. A deeper look at sex and love in relationships is so called for in schools and colleges where it is far too easy for young girls to continue to make the same mistakes some of us have made. If they do not find any role models expressing true love they may never find it so there is a responsibility here for all who know what true love is to live it and to share their wisdom.
And how many times can we put our hands up to this feeling in so many areas of our daily lives “What is crazy is that none of that felt right to me. I knew it didn’t feel right at the time but I did it anyway.” My arm is aching just thinking about it!
Gosh, good point Tamara… how often have we done things that we did not feel to do, just to please another.
Gosh, good point Tamara… how often have we done things that we did not feel okay to do, just to please another.
Awesome, deeply honest and personal sharing Rosie – this is true sex education which is so desperately needed to turn the tide on the very sad and dysfunctional way it is presented today.
Thank you Tamara, I had never thought of my story as true sex education but really it is the real life stories that we can all relate to and understand that touch us the most and inspire us.
It seems that many of us learn what is NOT love and what is not true in life by living life in a way that is so horrible that we get the message via suffering and experiencing that this is not it. However, too often we still could not find a reflection of what it was that we were looking for. Enter Serge Benhayon, Natalie Benhayon and Universal Medicine providing a truly loving reflection of another way to live, a way that we all know deep inside but seemed to have forgotten and yet instinctively have been searching for. Certainly for me seeing that reflection has reignited what I have always known deep inside and completely transformed my life, brought me immense joy and gratitude. Now it is my responsibility to live that – which is really a very normal and natural way to be, and reflect it to others.
Yes, Nicola what Serge Benhayon, Natalie Benhayon and Universal Medicine reflect and have shown me has been life changing.. so much that my life has changed and now I live in a way that inspires and reflects to others so that they can see there is another way too. It’s simple really. A ripple effect and responsibility because the way we live effects everyone around.
Your honesty and willingness to be open and share what you have experienced is very powerful Rosie. And what you have claimed for yourself is very beautiful. Awesome.
Imagine…. LovEvolution!
Wow Rosie a great re read- this should be the kind of article found in all teenage magazines. Every young person needs to read this!
I agree with you there Samantha, articles like this that say it as it is, no holes barred would be more useful than the teen mags currently circulated. I know this would have been useful to me when I was younger and finding my way with boyfriends and having sex – no one spoke this frankly with each other, not even with friends.
Thanks Samantha, lets get it out there.. Share away…. send it off to a magazine… I am not sure… but I am open to it going viral.
Thank you for sharing in this blog so openly and honestly Rosie.
Searching for love I have found already sets me up for failure as how can I look for something I already have but have not chosen to feel it? The more that my focus has turned inward it is like those things that I used to settle for and do regardless of how I felt the stronger that ‘not it’ feeling is. Stressing myself out to get a task at work done is one example. As if getting it done bigger, better, quicker and with as much struggle and effort put in will bring more love. When the truth is love is not in my tasks, its in me and all that stress and harm to drive to get it done is simply not it.
Great point you are making here Leigh! It seems like all the striving and achieving is just there to distract ourselves from feeling the precious love we hold inside of us. All that is needed is a bit of letting go and surrender and there it is – a warm, yummy, enveloping feeling of love available to us in abundance.
Hi Rosie, from me also a thank you for your open and honest sharing. To hand over your body to someone for sex and to not feel alone or empty is harming and leaves you more desperate than before. And we know it very well, but at least it is very tangible and one can recognize it easier. But we women tend to ‘give us away’ emotionally which for me is even worse. To be recognized, loved, cared, to not be alone etc. for all this we tend to go into or stay in a relationship which is void of true love and care. In all the years I have become aware, that the level of love and care I give to me, is the same level I can expect from a man and which I can offer to him. It cannot be less and the man is a reflection of myself. No perfection but constant evolving.
Universal Medicine continually and gently presents the opportunity to reconnect with ourselves so that we can find our way back to who we truly are, let go of so much conditioning, and eventually start to feel what true love is actually like.
This is so true Chris. Feeling this True Love in myself first and building that has (and still is) one of the most beautiful processes. I too came from a place where any attention was considered better than nothing, and as a result put up with all sorts of nonsense. The fact that there has been an opportunity for me to build a completely self-loving relationship with myself as a woman, before taking that love into union with another’s, means my health, life and quality thereof has increased by a huge magnitude. Thank you to Universal Medicine and Natalie Benhayon for all their support in this for me too.
Yes, Natalie Benhayon has been an amazing role model and support for this. I love this woman and how she just lives and inspires everyone.
I agree Rosie, Natalie Benhayon is such a beautiful and amazing role model for woman.
When I listened to her at a women’s health workshop re daily rhythms and how to connect to your inner essence, was very inspiring. She reminds us that all relationships start with loving and honouring ourselves first before sharing this with another.
Yes, Loretta this is something that I am finally getting. If I don’t know it for myself then there is no way I will be able to share it with another. It all starts with me first and foremost…. and this does not just apply to intimate relationships, this is how it is with children and friends too.
I relate to what you are saying Amelia as when I was younger I craved love and connection from outside and mistook any form of attention as love but of course it was not and my heart hurt. Through the living reflection of love that is Serge Benhayon and later with the added reflection and support of Natalie Benhayon and other members of the family, I reconnected to that love which was always there and living within me. I now see it everywhere… in others, in nature and within myself.
It is very inspiring Rosie to read how you have re-built such a deeply honoring love for yourself. And it is sad how we have lost the meaning of the sacred and honouring act that love making truly is. We see it in our children today how at such young ages they are taking so called ‘sexy’ selfies to post and share around. When really they are only objectifying and giving themselves away as an object for sex, to be identified or to feel wanted or to get attention or recognition; to essentially feel worth. We need to show our children that there is another way. That within they are all the love they could ever want and the preciousness that they are can be honoured and lived throughout the rest of their days. Thank you Rosie for reflecting the joy of living life in a truly loving and honouring way.
Yes, that is very true. I agree with what you have written about Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Learning to self love agin for me was also not an overnight thing. It happened, or should I say, is happening over time which shows me also how far away from this love I have been. I shudder to think of the abusive way I used to live and possibly still would be living if I hadn’t come across Universal Medicine. Thanks Rosie for laying yourself bare so that others may learn and maybe see this other path that is available.
I have no shame Kevin, I just like to share what I have worked out for me so that others can see that it is possible too. This way we all benefit. If we all share our pearls of wisdom, we can all be wise.
I found this to be a very powerful and honest blog and can relate to settling for having sex instead of making love. I remember feeling the emptiness afterwards and knowing that there was something missing, that something wasn’t quite right. I now know that I was looking for love in all the wrong places.
Great blog Rosie. We all have within us the capability of re-parenting ourselves. We can either be a caring, loving parent or a critical, even abusive parent in how we talk and be with ourselves.
Very true! It is good to be aware of how we talk to ourselves.
Trying to get sex so we can get satisfied because someone is paying attention even if we are literally using each other to relieve tension gives an idea of how much we are negatively affected by how we are living. This is the problem to be addressed.
Thank you for sharing your experience between sex and love making.
For me, I can certainly relate to having sex for all the wrong reasons. Like sympathy, need and attention. I never enjoyed my body and my body never enjoyed the process of being used so another could get their rocks off. I am now in a loving relationship and feel inspired to know that we can go deeper. I can work with myself and my partner in opening up, stripping the layers of protection, to share a truly sacred connection in making love… in all that we do.
That is great Rachael, thanks for sharing. It must be great to be able to accept what you have done in the past and now have the opportunity to change how you are in your relationship moving forward.
Like everyone here I can deeply appreciate your honesty Rosie. Thank you for sharing as it provides a true mirror for others to reflect on their sexual history and love from themselves.
Thank you Rosie for your honesty I could relate to much of what you have written and how little regard I had for myself., there was no love in me so how could I ever love another. Knowing what I now know through Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon I have come to recognise how preciousness and sacred it is to be a woman and how much joy there is in re-connecting to and living this
“What I was searching for was love and a loving relationship” I feel this is what everyone is searching for. When I first heard a presentation by Serge Benhayon on the difference between making love and having sex I knew I had heard the truth. Making love is connecting and feeling a love within yourself and then sharing this with another with whom you have built a relationship founded on love with no need.
Thanks Mary, the word no NEED stands out for me, as I have become more and more aware about how so many relationships I have had in the past have been about need. What’s in it for me? Not really a great foundation to start with. Not really nice to expose these kinds of truth but the only way to move past these old ways is by being honest and outing them one by one.
Rosie, I can relate to your sharing, so often we do things just to please and ignore what our body is truly saying. I know I have settled for sex when really I was looking for love. What I understand now that I was looking for love outside of me, which I was never going to find.
This is amazing Amita, me too I have settled for less, and was always looking for love from a man. Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine – here I have found the answer that makes sense. A true relationship is based on love without need for sex.
Rosie I can remember quite a long period in my life when I had a lot of sexual partners and going out was about hooking someone in. I thought at the time that I was being adventurous and a modern woman but looking back I was looking for some kind of recognition and confirmation. Like you I am now all the confirmation that I need.
Rosie, your candid honest and tender sharing is deeply touching. Absolutely beautiful to read this and feel the love you have so gorgeously claimed for yourself now. This blog reads like a warm tender hug inspiring us to be honest and open and say yes to the love we have always had inside us. Thank you.
A great idea Fiona, calling out and exposing those reasons we use that leads us to say yes to sex which most definitely comes from our minds, as our naturally loving and tender selves would never say yes to something that does not honour, cherish, confirm and hold, ever so preciously, our divine true nature within.
I love that you have named some of the motives women have for having sex which are far from loving. Not wanting to be lonely, to get attention, to be touched and out of sympathy. I feel we could all make our own list so a warning sign comes up when any of these motives appear. Saying no to this will be saying yes to discovering the difference between making love and sex.
I would love for you to share your list with us Fiona, as we often share the same… and there may be many others that I am unaware of. Together we can shine the light on each others lack of awareness and that way we can all grow.
I appreciate this Fiona, how in seeking love and intimacy through sex, we actually may be complicating a very simple and natural gravitation towards love in our lives. Being honest and acknowledging what that kind of sex feels like, as short term satisfaction and relief, may be the very thing that opens us up to a more loving relationship.
Great Rosie, thank you for bringing up the topic that so many can relate to. Shocking to realise that so few of us know or knew what true love is, what making love truly is and how to make that a part of our living days, our livingness.
It is shocking isn’t it Lisa, and there are not that many people commenting here in comparison to how many are in the world.. but the percentage is high. Imagine what people would be living like if more of us did know what true love is about.
So beautiful Rosie for you to share so candidly here. Yes, I really relate to what you have shared as I am sure many women would. That desperation for touch and attention even if it wasn’t love, comforted that emptiness….until next time of course! What Serge Benhayon and his family has taught me is that love always begins as self-love, a deep honouring and respect for myself on all levels, this is then naturally shared with others and likewise any form of disregard is simply not chosen.
Your words: “What I was searching for was love and a loving relationship – but what I settled for was sex” – so true for so many relationships whether one is female or male. And absolutely Rosie, when there is a built love for oneself, there is so a foundation of self-worth, which makes compromise less of an option depending on the level of love developed. When there is no love, abuse is a walk in the park. When there is love, abuse has no part. The more love we have for ourselves, the more joy there is.
Yes Zofia, what you write is true. When there is no love, abuse is a walk in the park. When there is no self love, we are not even aware that it is abuse.
Such an honest blog Rosie. So often in life we settle for less than what we know is true and then learn to accept that as normal
Yes and then how liberating is it when we realise we have settled for less and then make new choices which feel true in the body. It frees up so much more in our life, in every situation.
Wow Rosie, what a beautifully honest blog. Your redevelopment of a loving relationship with yourself is very inspiring. I too find the presentations of Natalie and Serge Benhayon an amazing support, in fact they have inspired me to redevelop my own loving relationship with self and this has been life changing!
Rosie, I love your line ‘Now that I love me there is no way I would just hand my body over to be used for sex’. There are probably many women out there who have done exactly that – just hand their body over for sex. The fleeting intimacy, wanting to be in a relationship and mistaking sex for this, sometimes even the effects of alcohol – it is a huge topic. Thank you for opening up on this very private subject.
Yes, well alcohol just makes you lose yourself, or as the saying goes, the person was out of it, and in that moment you can put yourself into all kinds of unloving and even dangerous situations. I know that alcohol, which I never liked or enjoyed the feeling of, but was something I did again, to be liked and to fit in…. got me into lots of trouble and under its influences I made some really stupid choices.
I love where you shared “there is no need to search for love or attention from outside and that I can be the One who loves me and cares for me tenderly”. I am still learning to love me and care for me but find that when I do it ripples out to other parts of my life and I am not left searching for something the whole time.
It feels like in this blog there is a choice being made to express and go to a deeper level of healing around hurts that had been accumulating over many years. I can relate to this very well and even from a mans perspective, the same pattern, of using sex and remaining ignorant of what making love was always about.
It is great to read this Simon, and would love to hear more from a man’s perspective… are men just settling for sex? I wonder as there is so many lies and marketing this or that, that its hard to know if it is true or not.
Really interesting to feel the difference between love and sex – it makes so much sense to me that we can not really make love with someone else if we are not first making love to ourselves. If you don’t know and have love for yourself, how is it possible to know and share love with someone else? It is lovely to feel by claiming back the love that is you Rosie, you now will not settle for anything less than love, and that is truly inspiring.
It is awesome to revisit your blog here Rosie.
What you’ve presented – the fact that you now truly do know ‘another way’ – should be presented to every growing young woman and man in our society. How fortunate are the young people in your sphere of life, and indeed all that you come in contact with, that you have restored this tender relationship with yourself, and would have it no other way.
There is indeed another role model in town, dear lady – and it is you…
Thank you Victoria, we are all role models all the time, I know I have often not been the a very good one in the past but these days I can feel how important it is to live and inspire those around us by taking responsibility and living the amazing woman I am.
Such an important point you are raising here Victoria, about presenting this to all growing young women and men in our society. The only reflection they get at the moment is sex, which is everywhere. They are not shown what true intimacy is nor what making love is. Bring in the rise in internet usage, social media and porn, there is hardly time nor space for true connection.
Beautiful Rosie!
I can relate to when you say “I have been building this love for myself over the last 3 years and at first it was quite strange and foreign. This fact reveals how unloving I really was with myself. I was not aware of how sacred and precious I am.”
Before Universal Medicine I would have said I looked after and cared for myself, after all I had done years and years of self-development and navel gazing. But being aware of how sacred and precious I was – no way – that is something that I have most certainly re-connected to. And I say re-connected to because it was there all along, I just wasn’t consciously aware of it. And to become aware of it I also had to go down the path of truly caring and loving myself first, being tender with myself and becoming aware of all of the ways I choose to live that were not this true way. So meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine was certainly a very big new beginning for me of self love, love for others and connection to the real me – totally different to what I had before.
It has been an amazing journey of self-discovery and one I am truly appreciative of. Now I shine!
Years of self development and navel gazing! Love that line Victoria! I did years of chanting, hoping that it would somehow save me from the mess I was choosing to make of my life. I like you, so so so appreciate all that has been presented by Serge Benhayon and Natalie Benhayon. They are awesome!
Thank you Rosie, there is indeed a huge difference in making love and having sex. At least that’s what I think. I’ve experienced that my body doesn’t really function as it should when I just have sex, it doesn’t respond very well physically. When I make love on the other hand it seems as if my body comes alive and responds as it should. From what I understand there are many that suffer from erectile dysfunction and perhaps part of the reason might be that we need to connect more deeply with our partner. Maybe it’s our body telling us that we need to focus on love, connection, intimacy and not just the physical act. The physical act will indeed be awesome if we focus on love first, but without love it might not be working as it should.
Hi Matts, thank you for sharing. I think you are right here.
The thing that I have recently learnt and am experimenting with is intimacy. I had this old belief that intimacy only existed in the bedroom and was only for a couple. Boy oh boy did I have it wrong and I was missing out big time!!
What I am discovering is that intimacy can be shared and expressed anywhere, anytime and with friends, family and I am sure it is great with a partner too but I am yet to experiment there. So what it shows me is that it doesn’t matter if you are single or not, you can be intimate with friends and in that intimacy, there is no sexual need or expression.
I know I have longed for this intimacy but I just didn’t realise.
Yes Kristy, because anything is better than nothing. I know how easy it is to fall for a compliment or a wink when it is so far from what we really want or deserve.
Thank-you Rosie, for sharing on this very important topic. I didn’t give my body away to lots of partners, but I did choose less for myself in my longtime relationship with my ex partner many times over during the relationship which is basically the same. Now that I know to the core of myself, what true love feels like in my body, I can feel the emptiness I felt in that relationship that led me to make those unloving choices, as the way I feel now, nothing but true love will do for this Divine body.
Wow, nothing but true love will do for this Divine body, that is such a great statement. I have given my body away to lots of men and have not been honoring and expressing what I feel in my last long relationship. I chose for less, for comfort and for not really surrendering myself. At the moment I am experiencing what it means to start a relationship from love and truth and this is a completely different experience. It is the first time in my life that I am being intimate with a man, not only in bed but even more important, outside the bedroom. This last weekend I have experienced what it means to make love and even though I am a student and forever learning, i can truly say that it already feels amazing. And yes, my body is divine and deserves to be treated in that way, by myself and by others.
Awesome turnaround Rosie, it amazes me how having sex in our society is seen as being the norm. I too used to think that, whereas now I realise there is such a huge difference to making love and having sex, and you are so right with true self love there is no way we could settle for less.
“What is crazy is that none of that felt right to me. I knew it didn’t feel right at the time but I did it anyway. I didn’t ever get the ‘love’ I was searching for.” I agree Rosie, what is amazing is that in the past I would have beaten myself up for this realisation, but I now can hold myself in love and understanding and observe more why I made these choices and allow those hurts to heal. And know that I will never make this same choice again, why, because now I know what it is to truly love myself and this keeps growing and deepening every day, so now I will not accept anything less that love – and firstly that love comes from me. What I also find absolutely amazing about this is the fact that our bodies so clearly knew all along. Looking back without judgment it is amazing to see all the times where I have overridden my body, and how much my body loves me – this hurts to feel, but is also a great learning too. Now I know and can trust my body, it’s my best friend and the marker of truth.
“More often than not, I would not want to have sex, but I went through with it regardless because it was better than feeling alone or being rejected and because I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings”.- mmm, I can relate to this one. Many times I would actually hesitate and say no but then would always give myself up in the end as I didn’t have a level of self worth that told me I was okay otherwise. Thank you for sharing Rosie.
Thanks for sharing honestly Emily, it’s at times when I get really honest and have these “aha” realisation moments that I can then make a solid choice not to repeat that again. And in sharing this with others, we remind them that they too have that choice if they so wish.
What is love? Love is a knowing, who you are from the inside out and expressing that in every moment. We get sold that love is a trade off between people and the commodity that we choose to show how much someone loves us is touch, feel, sex? This false marker has deliberately forced us as men and women to take a stand on either side of the ‘give out or give in’ fence. Whereas the stand really needs to be that we will not accept anything less than the truth of who we are for ourselves and each other, and from that point we will feel the potential in relationships and that we may be able to truly make love.
Beautiful, thank you Lee. You said it how it is.
I don’t know what I like more, Rosie, your blog or the little text about you… Every word so full of life, acceptance, surrender. Having your testimonials helps me so much to consider: Yeah, this is working for her, surely I’ll be able to work it out for me too. Whatever it may cost, I’ll go there. Real life.
Hi Felix, thank you for your beautiful comment. I have never met you, but I have read quite a few of your comments and I was just thinking how lovely it is to open up to others and connect to each other through our writing. I really appreciate how open you are to expressing. What you write feels so full of love.
We all have so much to share and I have in the past thought things about people and wanted to share, but then held back or stopped myself from saying how they have touched me with their words, but am learning that not only does it feel great to express, it also is great for the others (and in this instance for me) to receive.
Rosie, I too have been down a similar path where my experience of sex was equally formulaic and empty.
It was like reading through a manual – ticking the boxes – and never questioning the goal driven climax.
I can now say it was soul-less.
Its a cliche but i remember many occasions lying awake after sex observing the sleeping body next to me and wondering who they really were, seeking the connection and intimacy i had expected this act to deliver.
Through the inspiration of Serge Benhayon and the teachings of Universal Medicine I now understand that through intimacy and connection with yourself there is a no manual, there is a natural intuition and tenderness that brings love making to the simplest of things like holding hands, a momentary stare, a gentle kiss. There is no on and off button, no bedroom reserve for intimacy I am beginning to understand that it flows steadily throughout each day.
That is beautiful Lucinda, thanks for sharing. I like the no ON or OFF button!
Thanks Rosie, whilst I can’t relate specifically, I can absolutely relate to other forms of abuse I’ve chosen to take part in throughout my life. One of those being the rejection of love for myself and therefore for and from others. Learning to appreciate I’m worth it has proven to be so much harder than I ever gave it credit for. The layers of unfolding can at times go for miles, depending on how far away we have gotten from ourselves, but then there are also days where you feel connected to you and you realise in that moment, that you absolutely are worth it and there’s no need to delay but to accept that you are already everything.
Elodia, this is great what you share….about abuse being the rejection of love for yourself and therefore for and from others.
I attended a Chakra puncture course recently and I felt my whole heart open up and I could feel how loving others were towards me and in that moment I stopped to appreciate that feeling, and how I was so much more loving towards them. It was a beautiful moment because I had never really allowed that in the past. It was as if I was too afraid to go there, and to allow that love in and out but to get to that point, I really have had to learn how to stop being so hard on myself and to love the woman I am.
Your words remind me Rosie of how we can choose to settle for something that seems to be normal, only to miss out on what we know intimately, all along, is natural and true. You and we all are worth tender and loving appreciation. How powerful it is when we get this confirmed by another person.
Yes it is so powerful to confirm it in our body! For me it is like saying YES, this is it and it sets a new standard for ourselves.
Thank you Rosie, for reminding me how precious we are, and to not accept anything less than love in our lives, and that we are worth cherishing. For me it is a case of, once bitten twice shy, and once self loving choices become the norm the thought of letting abuse is becomes abhorrent.
I am realising that the twice shy part is more harming than being open to love.
What you share Rosie is common, I know it as do many other women and men. It is meaningless empty liaisons void of any true connection or love. Fueled by need and intimacy to temporarily relieve and then to go back to the same emptiness. In some ways it is a convenient position to assume so as to not take responsibility for making life about love and making that commitment to ourselves and others – even though this is what we all so crave.
Yea I crave it!
I can relate to looking outside of myself like this for love, from anyone who would give me any attention. In fact I was happy enough if a guy would look my way, this made me feel better. For years and years I was so invested in being seen or recognised, not just by men, but everyone, I just wanted to be seen, to feel as if I was special and worth something. Universal Medicine and the esoteric practitioners have also inspired me to see that I can feel, recognise and appreciate my own specialness and preciousness that is within myself, and that I don’t need it to be seen by another to prove that it is there. Actually claiming this for myself has taken some time, and a lot of work to re-build my self-worth – I didn’t realise how 20 years of investment in recognition from the outside world can eat at you so deeply on the inside, and take a lot of long-term and consistent commitment to truly feeling and appreciating my worth. It is well worth the work and commitment though, as I am really starting to feel how lovely I am before anything I do or before anyone sees me.
Thank you Danielle, I really like what you share. It is inspiring.
I really admire your honesty Rosie. I am so glad that I met Serge Benhayon who was willing to bring the concept of having sex and making love out in the open. I agree that the basis for making love comes down to truly loving and honouring ourself first and then be able to take that to a partner that also loves and honour themselves.
I agree with you Karen, it wasn’t until I met Serge Benhayon and he beautifully explained the difference between having sex vs making love that my relationship with myself has become more loving, honouring and tender.
I am learning to bring this into my relationship with my husband more – still work in progress.
Great Sharing Rosie. It’s such a trick isn’t it when we accept sex with another as confirmation that we are loved, when really, it’s only confirming our need for intimacy and love coming back to us. And that need, can never be filled from another’s accommodating responses, only our own truly tender and gorgeous love will ever suffice.
Yes Julie, very true. Such a trick indeed!
I am only recently allowing myself to feel how often I have handed over my body, ignoring what I felt, how I felt and what was truly going on when having sex. I can see now that I got lost from the first sexual experience I had and never allowed myself to explore what feels good and where I loose myself, check out and why. I will keep exploring, playfully how I feel to express when making love, it’s a beautiful proces which brings me closer to me.
So true Rosie, I too have settled for sex instead of making love. And as you say, I also have always felt that there was something missing but at that time I was not connected to the true tender and loving man I am, so I was not able to grasp it. Thanks to Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and associated practitioners I have found this true man in me and now I would also never choose for having sex anymore as I know there is that much more, making love with all who I am.
Thank you Rosie. You show there is another way of being in a relationship by loving yourself first and that the love we all crave is inside us. When we look outside of ourselves for it, it doesn’t satisfy, not for long anyway, and leaves us feeling empty.
A very honest account of how it feels when as women we trade true intimacy and making love for the attention and recognition that sex delivers. A bit like fast food, really.
Ha ha a bit like fast food! That really makes me laugh but it’s a great comparison. May taste good, fill you up but then leave you feeling yuk!
Thanks Rosie, this is a beautiful blog.
Amazing to read your blog – your honesty and openness is so refreshing. I have found that it is so healing to let go of the shame that I had for abandoning myself with such deep disregard. This healing has allowed me to let go of some of the hurt – and the rest is a work in progress as I open up and allow the world into my life.
Rosie, what a transformation you have had. The world sells us sex not love so that we will not know what we are truly missing out on. As you have said, Love starts with ourselves first and from there can be shared with another to bring true intimacy and connection. This is what we have all be looking for all along.
Beautiful to read Rosie. I can relate like many women here in the comments. When I was younger I always thought sex was it, it would be the best thing in your life I read in many girls magazines and saw it in the movies too. Yet I was very disappointed in real life… I always felt empty afterwards. I never have gone all the way and was introduced to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon before that and am very thankful for that. I learned that it was about loving myself first and then being that love with another person is the way to truly make love. I have, like you not experienced it yet but I can feel now how beautiful it can be and wont settle for anything less than true making love.
Thank you Rosie for your openness on a subject that many would feel shame about sharing. Your story highlights what I have experienced myself which is that when a girl is not loved and adored by her father she will go looking for it with other men later in life. But without the foundation of knowing and feeling how lovely, sacred and precious we are as women we can easily get confused between sex and love. You so beautifully share how you would feel accepted for a short time while giving up your body. I settled for acceptance for a great part of my life thinking that was all I could hope for. Now, having build a loving and nurturing relationship with myself I know that I am worth nothing less then true love and care.
Thank you so much Rosie that you showed us this other way so lovingly and tenderly. Your blog is an inspiration for all the other woman who are looking for love and not had yet found this other way.
Awesome Rosie, thanks for sharing. I can relate to being with men to get attention as well…I had to write myself off with alcohol or drugs to be able to have sex with people if I wasn’t in a current relationship with them (even when I was in a relationship, it was a bit of an interesting story too). Then I’d always wake up feeling the regret, so like you, knew the harm it was doing. Not a pretty picture. It wasn’t until I started to like myself that this changed, bringing enough awareness to myself to choose something different.
Thanks for your honesty Emily. It seems that it is quite common the way that we have settled for sex instead of love.
I can see the abuse of this choice now.
Thank you for sharing a part of your journey back to self love. It is amazing how we look to others for the love and acceptance that we could so easily give ourselves.
Rosie what you have shared is incredibly valuable and relatable – it should be published in every teen magazine, this is the kind of article that everyone and especially all young people need to be reading. I too compromised myself in a huge way in my teens and 20s desperately looking everywhere (outside) for any form of love and connection and finding the opposite. Thanks to Serge Benhayon I have reconnected to the love that I always had and carry within and now share that with others including my super gorgeous husband. So simple, so joyful and so different to my earlier life.
Thank you Nicola, I wish I had read an article like this when I was young too. And by the number of comments, I feel that we could all start writing on the subject, and sharing our experiences.
Even better than an article would be having real role models in our lives who know what making love is really about. Imagine if all our friends and parents made love instead of having sex. This would then be the norm and we would stop settling for sex just for attention or some form of intimacy.
Rosie such a tender loving way of honouring yourself. This blog was awesome and just shows that through loving ourselves more we can reflect our loving choices to another. That is love in its truest form .
Your honesty is much appreciated Rosie
I have also settled for sex and was for a long time a very easy catch. As long I got the attention, it was fine with me. I have come to understand how abusing this, in all aspects and I have really had to learn to start with taking care of myself. It really starts with having a relationship with yourself and from there, I can start with making love, instead of having sex. When there is no love for myself, I can not make love with anybody else.
Thank you Rosie for sharing your story, Amazing transformation what self love and care does. True medicine for the body, that heals the relationship with self, then continues to flow having a ripple effect into your life and relationships with others. Awesome.
Thank you, Rosie, for writing about your journey from having sex to making love, and pointing out that it all starts with the relationship with ourselves.
I love so much about what you have shared here Rosie… It’s so lovely to feel how gentle you have been with yourself when you started to feel there was another way to live that honoured you as the precious woman you are, by saying how you did not know or realise or were aware at the time that what you were choosing was hurting you. This is such a great point and one that resonates for me, as I can be overly hard on myself for things I have chosen instead of lovingly taking responsibility and looking at what I did not realise or were aware of.
No point beating yourself up for something you were not even aware of. One step at a time. No rush. No goal post.
I have been re reading the comments here, and I am always learning. It is so beautiful when we share with each other and all learn together.
Thank you for your sharing Rosie great blog. I too used to think love was out there somewhere and untouchable at that. Love or sex was never talked about in my family. But having sex always felt so cold and empty.
When I heard Serge Benhayon express on the difference on having sex and making love, I realized the missing link was in my true connection to self.
Yes, I have found the truth of this subject has not been talked about much. There has been much shared and spoken about SEX and making love but none of it really made sense to me until I heard what Serge Benhayon was presenting.
It’s incredible how we can be so concerned about hurting other people’s feelings at the expense of hurting ourselves. I can relate to what you are sharing about settling for sex Rosie, even though it didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel right as it was not the ‘love’ I was truly searching for. What I have come to realise and know is that the real true love is within me, this is the love I was searching for. And this is the love I want to share in all my relationships.
Wow Rosie thank you for your honest sharing. You’ve nailed it and opened up such a hidden side to what it’s like to feel loveless on the inside. I’m going to enjoy sitting with the new level of openness you have given – this is a great gift
Love it Rosie, another gorgeous honest blog that says it how it is with an absolute appreciation of the awareness that you now have between sex and making love. For me sex equated love and being needed physically was an indication of how much I was loved. This use to be a very ‘normal’ way for me and I certainly didn’t know anything else or see anyone else living differently to this. On reflection I can see how willing i was to settle for less than love, and in fact I would classify it as abuse now. These days I am inspired by the true role modes I have around me, where I can observe what it is to be in a truly loving and tender relationship with another that comes from a foundation of self-love. I have so much to look forward to! : )
Yes, Marcia that is so true. I too have some lovely role models around and it is such an inspiration!
Awesome Rosie. Thank you for your honesty. I can relate 100% to your blog and I now know that if I can’t/won’t love me then what I settle for is unlovingness. Not any more!
Thank you Rosie for your truth-full blog here – such an honest revealing of our relationship with ourselves and how this flows into all areas of life.
You’re an awesome role model Rosie.
We are all role models, and we share what we have learnt with those around us.
I am so grateful that I have had some amazing role models around me for the past 5 years including Natalie Benhayon who have really shown me that there is another way.
Thank you dear Rosie, for honestly sharing yourself in your blog. I truly love it when you state –
“Now that I love me, there is no way I would just hand my body over to be used for sex; there is no way I would now settle for sex when searching for love”.
I truly love it when you state “Now that I love me….”, it feels very clearly to me that you mean it! Why would you choose to hand your body over to be used for sex after that! I have been where you have been too, and I certainly wouldn’t want to do that either, now I love me too!
Why settle indeed for anything less than love.
Yes why settle indeed for anything less than love! I can relate to all said here Rosie and Sandra, and since I have found the love within me that I am, there is no way I would want to settle for anything less than love either. Thanks for both your sharings.
Thank you for your very honest sharing Rosie – a great eye opener for many and a truly important awareness to be had across the generations.
Raw and honest to the hilt articles like this need to be shared with women and men of all ages
I agree Jaime articles like this by Rosie need to be shared. This is the best way to open up the conversation and start to see that there is a difference between making love and having sex, they are poles apart. There is a raw honesty in this blog that people will feel and recognise, I certainly did. I know before Universal Medicine I was looking for love through sex and had no self worth and I feel many people could relate to this blog in this way too.
Hear hear Jaime! Rosie has really shared how it is, for many many women and men when it comes to sex versus making love. So many would be able to relate and have the opportunity to feel and talk openly about how it feels for them as well. Very powerful sharing how we live with everyone.
This is screech to a halt stuff for us all. The sexualisation of life is becoming more and more everyday. We are normalising the objectification of our bodies – it is everywhere: magazines, music, children’s television – our disconnected ‘lust’ runs unchecked. And yet so many of us know this is not OK, so many of us feel with every cell in our bodies that this is all out of kilter with what is natural and true in our connection to ourselves and others. So great to have this article, so great to have this opportunity to review, reconsider and shake down. Thank you.
“What I was searching for was love and a loving relationship – but what I settled for was sex.” I thought I was often “making love” but in truth, if I look back on what was happening, there was so many different issues and agendas working through my relationships, ‘love’ was not then being expressed or shared. I was needy, insecure and aloof and it had to be”just right” or it would be devastating. I know now that sex and making love are absolutely different.
Feeling physically sick – that is great that you could actually stop and feel what was going on for you and not just get excited in the moment and disregard what you were feeling.
It does sound crazy, that how can anything we do to avoid being rejected work,if we have set off with having rejected ourselves first. But like you have shared, I have also experienced this perception that there has been no other way of living. The truth is there is another way and it has been in my face, sometimes on my face through a facial massage, that true love comes from within. Everything that Universal Medicine have ever presented is, that true love can be lived from within and then outwardly. While I know that that is what is presented, I feel like this fact has been driven home a bit more today, Thank you.
“I can be the One who loves me and cares for me tenderly.” We don’t seem to grow up with this awareness and constantly search for love outside of ourselves whether it is from a partner, friends or family. To deepen my own connection to myself and continue with this relationship has been an amazing thing and from it, I have what I always wanted…. strength, knowing, inner contentment, stillness and love. No one else can give me that. It has to come from me to me and then expressing that with others is joyful.
And for me I have to stop and deeply appreciate the inspiration from Natalie Benhayon, Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for showing me another way and I am always learning more and thinking whoa this is so awesome to know and feel this.
I never really just settled for sex as in one night stands, because it never did feel right to me as a woman to do this. That said, my lack of self worth and self love meant that I was deeply insecure in relationships so I was always looking to the other to meet my needs. Having now found another way in which I can give to myself as in I put my own needs first, (before the needs of others, an old habit of mine), so like you; ‘ I now can be the One who loves me and cares for me tenderly’.
Rosie, great that you have accepted who you truly are. Sex and more sex are not the way to fulfilment, and does not equate to any form of love. You are an inspiration to both male and females of this world, in coming home to your true self.
Deeply appreciate what you are sharing here Rosie. Sex most definitely does NOT equal Love and it shows how deeply lost a relationship is to just be built on sex
Rosie, I love your honesty in this blog, and how simple and clear you have written it with no judgment to yourself on your past choices, as you have brought understanding and acceptance. How many women settle for sex when they are searching for love ‘out there’, outside of themselves and as you wrote, the change comes when we realise, we have to accept and love ourselves first, working through our own self worth issues.
Great blog and one that would be so powerful for teenagers to read before they become sexually active. Growing up (and until recently) I had never stopped to consider that there may be a difference in having sex and making love. I thought if I was in a long term relationship it must be ‘making love’. It was only when I started to allow more self love that I began to feel how empty sex can be. Something I have always been aware of but not truly allowed myself to feel. In relationships I often felt uninterested in sex and now I know why…because it left me feeling empty. I was waiting for that someone and something to make me feel loved. Now that I appreciate myself more I am taking time to understand what making love truly is.
Thank you for sharing Michelle, what you write is so true.
Thanks Rosie, beautiful, honest telling it like it it is. I can remember when sex was love for me. Though I later became aware of a difference between making love and having sex, it wasn’t until I understood love more and needing to love myself more, that I could really feel what that difference was. There is still more to understand and feel about love/making love, a learning that I suspect may never end.
Yes Mark, and I guess its like most things, we think we have learnt all about it, and then we realise that we are just at the beginning and there is always more to learn as our understanding develops.
I love your simple and honest expression. I am myself still on my way of appreciating myself so much, that I won’t go for anything less than making love. Still discovering myself and me with my partner in that. Physical intimacy feels like a very fragile part in all of us.
Physical intimacy does feel like a very fragile part in me and I wonder am I afraid of it because I don’t know much about it or better said, it has not been my experience.
Thank you Rosie to speak so open about your past with sexuality. I was the opposite from you and always thought something is wrong with me, because I never had so much sex than anybody else. But like Alex said, being intimate with my partner now, is showing me that being open with someone and sharing a bed and being truly intimate are two different things. It´s a neverending development to discover the intimacy in yourself and with someone.
Thanks Rosie, it’s a beautiful moment to arrive at feeling the emerging beauty that is within you. I too have felt the complete absence of love in sex and recognise the deep outward seeking for love that I am now choosing to open to within myself more and more each day.
I always have felt a bit weird that I could not just have sex and feel good about it like everyone else supposedly. Before Universal Medicine I did not know the difference between sex and making love, did not understand what love, intimacy, tenderness really meant and how they relate, but since then I am learning, discovering, understanding, experiencing and there is no end to discovering deeper and deeper dimensions. Looking back I can see that I – my body and heart – always have known, but my mind and all the ideas and concepts about sex, relationship etc. plus the desperate need for intimacy kept me from fully honouring that inner knowing.
I agree with all you say Alex. Before Universal Medicine I did not know the difference between sex and making love but always knew that something deeply important was missing. Learning to love myself before I can love another is such a beautiful revelation.
“Looking back I can see that I – my body and heart – always have known, but my mind and all the ideas and concepts about sex, relationship etc. plus the desperate need for intimacy kept me from fully honouring that inner knowing.”
This is such a powerful sentence Alex. What came to my mind is that the media and our role models have given us ideas and beliefs that we have taken on for so long, without ever stopping to feel if they are right for us or not.
I feel like I have just gone along with what others were doing in the past even though it did not feel right for me.
Yes can totally relate to what you are sharing here Alex. I thought I was a bit weird though, I had a very strong feeling the sex I saw around me and in the media portrayed as you said Rosie, was not it. That there was more than just having sex and that is it. It was for me also when I came in touch with Universal Medicine that I understood that making love was the thing I had been looking for. Very glad to have met Universal Medicines teachings!
“Now that I love me, there is no way I would just hand my body over to be used for sex”. So true Rosie, our body is our most precious ‘belonging’, never to be given away, but shared in love, joy and sacredness. Thank you.
Thank you Rosie for your honesty in sharing here. This piece is very relatable to me and thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I too am finding a truer loving way in my relationships, starting with myself and my own connection. Thank you.
Great stuff Rosie, well said and it’s great that such a straight forward blog like this can be made available to others. I relate wholeheartedly, with almost the only differing aspect of the story, for me it was ‘wham bam thank you mam’ not ‘man’!
Thanks for your honesty too Oliver, it is only when we start to get really honest and not be ashamed that we can start to make other choices.
This is so true Rosie. In shame we feel less or wrong which can silence our honesty. Honesty inspires more honesty to speak up as your piece here and the comments that follow have shown. Thank you for starting this open conversation about sex and the truth of making love, it is not only healing to read but deeply inspiring too.
Thank you for sharing so honestly Rosie. I can definitely relate to all you have shared.
Thank you Rosie for sharing your experience in such an open and honest way.
I went more for the long-term ‘I know you don’t love me but I’ll hang in because it’s better than being on my own’ relationships. Time frame maybe different but the feelings of emptiness are the same.
I heard a saying years ago- a woman needs to feel loved to have sex and a man needs to have sex to feel loved, which was accurate in my experiences.
Being a part of Universal Medicine I’m discovering that the more loving I am with myself the more loving I am with all.
This then forms a foundation for true loving relationships and whether I’m in a partnership or not, I am full of the love I connect to by first loving me.
Thanks for sharing Julie, its great to see that the same kind of thing can happen just in a different flavour or colour, but fundamentally, its the same.
Yes Rosie and Julie, the same kind of seeking affection and attention can happen whether in a long term relationship or in a one night stand. There is such a misconception in society that one is different to the other, but emptiness isn’t selective to certain relationships. It has been a ray of sunshine to realise it comes back to our relationships to ourselves first. I’ve only ever been with my husband and within the last 24 years, we have experienced sex like you described Rosie, wanting the other to fill up the emptiness each other felt. Returning to loving ourselves more, has really opened our eyes to the fact that it is never too late to bring that love to any relationship.
Thanks for sharing so honestly Aimee, and its great how you expose that it can happen in long term relationships and not just in the one night stand situation. What is even better is that its never too late to change!
A truly courageous, honest and inspiring blog Rosie.
I spent my life having sex with as many women as possible trying to get a feeling of connection and love, also attempting to not feel the abandonment, loneliness from my childhood. It got to the stage that I would have one night stands just to fill that emptiness. Now through doing the work of Universal Medicine and starting to connect deeply to the tender vulnerable man, I experience love like I never had before.
Thank you Thomas, it’s great to hear that men also experience this, and can feel the difference.
How inspiring and powerful Rosie, that when we truly love and care for ourselves, that this love felt within the body becomes a guide for truth, and clearly exposes the huge difference between sex and love, allowing us the freedom to choose. What you have shared is so clear and simple in letting go of what is disempowering.
I can very much relate to the settling for sex, I have had quite a phase I went through myself where I settled for sex very easily. I slept around and at some point, I was not even ‘picky’ anymore, as long as the guy was interested in me and gave me some attention. I did not take care of myself at all during that time so most of the sexual escapades I had were without protection, and I always was on alcohol. I had no love at all for myself and carried this deep sadness within me, feeling empty and missing something. I thought that having sex and getting the 24 hour attention of a man could fix that. Big illusion. No man, no sex, no one night stand, nothing outside of myself can make me feel loved. I am the only one responsible for that.
It is so beautiful when we realise that no one else can bring that love to us. We can’t find it outside of ourselves and in fact we have to learn to feel it within as it has always been there… In my case, I was just not aware.
I have always known that there was a more loving way that 2 people could be together and make their intercourse something very special. My parents taught me this and I was very young when I came to hear Serge present on the difference of having sex and making love. I say this to give you a bit of my background and now to say that I absolutely love this blog as it shares with me what goes on for lots of women and it makes me feel so great that you have been inspired and now won’t settle for meaningless sex. You are a beautiful woman.
Ariel, thanks for sharing. How wonderful that your parents were able to offer you another way! You expressing this inspires me as a parent, because it means that I too am now able to offer that to my daughter.
Truly touching Rosie. The ‘old way’ you describe is something most of us have known to some degree. The honesty you bring to this is at once refreshing and deeply potent, in exposing a level of relating that truly leaves no-one ‘better off’ from the interaction.
To see young women maturing today, who know to the bone that they need never compromise themselves by accepting anything less than absolute respect, the deepest level of honouring and connection, and real love, is so deeply inspiring. As are the transformations such as your and my own, where the point has been reached that we could never go back to such an ‘old way’, an abusive way, ever again.
Hi Victoria,
I just had a revelation as I read your comment and that is, from our experience and because we talk about it and share it with others, we set a new way for the younger generation so that they do not have to abuse their bodies the way that we did. I know that it was my choice but at the time, I had no other role models and it was not something anyone ever discussed.
Absolutely Victoria and Rosie, if we can talk about the consequences of looking for love outside of ourselves especially in sex and relationships, especially in families we may not have the this norm at school where girls are engaged in rampant sexting.
“More often than not, I would not want to have sex, but I went through with it regardless because it was better than feeling alone or being rejected and because I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.“ Thank you for sharing this Rosie. This is exactly what I did and felt all through my life and tried to hide away and numb.
Before meeting my amazing partner and before all the changes that Universal Medicine has inspired in me and us, I believed that – at least amongst gay men – having sex was the absolute center of a partnership and that there must be something wrong with me not feeling at ease with it let alone revel in it.
What for me was most revealing was when I grasped that holding myself in love first is the key. It is so amazing to feel the changes every loving step towards myself brings and to feel the beauty of making love instead of having sex. Making love is much more than its physical facet. Making love is in and through every little gesture and thought throughout every single day – the physical side of it is “just“ the celebration of what you live. I never would have guessed that such tenderness, simplicity and true love would be possible. To feel and see what support and inspiration this brings and what a powerful and beautiful reflection it can be for others is very moving and humbling at the same time.
Thank you Michael for your open and honest response. I love that men are joining in on the discussion, as obviously, this affects us all.
I feel in sharing openly, it gives others who may feel this also, the opportunity to accept this part of themselves and not beat themselves about it anymore, like I did in the past.
A very long time ago someone said to me: “How can you love anyone unless you love yourself first?” But there was no indication of how that ‘loving yourself’ was best done! As you’ve experienced Rosie, we judge how loving we are by what we do – giving ourselves sexually, thinking that we are ‘making love’, and not hurting anyone’s feelings…. a mythology fed to women for a long time….. It’s wonderful that you have seen how this myth works and made the choice to break free of it, opening yourself to greater possibilities. Me too; it was Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon who helped me understand the ‘how to’ of loving myself first, so that I can love others in a whole new and wonderful way.
Exactly Dianne. The words we are told about loving ourselves are nice to hear, but they are like some far distant mirage, so elusive as to be practically meaningless. How do you love yourself at all??
And the notion of “I’m not hurting anybody” and its companion line “It’s my body I can do what I like with it”…entire falsehoods that trample our innate qualities.
It was Serge Benhayon who taught me the way of living with love for myself. That way is now my way. He has shown me that a man can regard a woman in absolute love and sacredness with not one drop of sexual energy.
I have been inspired by Natalie Benhayon, a woman who lives with utter regard for her tenderness, and sacredness.
There is no way I would return to that old way of saying yes to sex when no other part of me would ever agree.
The premise that sex satisfies – is actually a false – how can an act that does not hold both people equally be truly satisfying? I have also used sex as a ‘route’ (pun intended) to Love, only becoming very jaded and dis-satisfied with getting sex and the sex it self! The foundation is then shown for what it isn’t, without love for one self, we forever make choices that are constantly made to feed and quell a deepening emptiness for the warmth of Love that we all know innately. We search for it, as we get older in other bodies hoping that the physical touch will stem the cravings – it never does and the desperation continues. There is a point though when we all get to feel that this can’t go on and it is usually when we stop and really feel what the emptiness is, that we get to feel the aching part of us that asks always for Love. We start to build this back into our lives and our bodies and we recognise that love for us supports relationship with others and ourselves – we start to value and appreciate, and we start to feel our worth. Love is not sex – sex is merely an act devoid of love.
Thank you Lee, I love what you share here. Very true.
Awesome Lee – I love what you share here – “Love is not sex – sex is merely an act devoid of love”.
‘Love is not sex – sex is merely an act devoid of love.’ This hits home for me. I remember the first time that I had sex, it was with someone I loved, and he loved me. I was expecting sex to be an amazingly loving experience, but instead was left feeling quite let down. I just remember saying to myself “but there is no love in this”. Thank you Lee and Rosie for clarifying the difference between the two. It would be truly beautiful to celebrate a shared love by making love.
Beautifully expressed Lee. Sex in itself is a replacement for the love we seek. It can be cheap, easy to get but ultimately it is empty, and leaves us yearning for more of that fix so that we don’t feel the emptiness. It’s no wonder that porn is becoming more prevalent younger and younger and that society is sex obsessed. There is a massive drought of true love, and so we seek something that can give us a semblance of this love — but ironically the more we settle for sex, the less love and sense of true worth can we feel for ourselves.
Massive drought of true love!
Say it like it is Katerina.
Thanks Rosie for your very honest description of the difference between sex and making love. For a long time I did not know the difference either. In the past when I had sex with a woman I knew it did not feel right but went through with it anyway for similar reasons as you describe – avoiding rejection and hurt, not wanting to disappoint or let someone else down, wanting to be liked, desired or even loved. It felt like a right of passage as a man to try to have as much sex as possible with as many women as possible. But all of this was coming from a lack of my own self worth and a desperate attempt really to cover it up. Now I do understand that if I have a truly loving relationship with myself then I am able to truly love another with tenderness, respect, and equalness and it is a natural sharing of this love rather than a cover up operation!
So good to read men’s take on this subject!
And the lack of self worth!! Bang that hits home for me.
Rosie such an open and honest article. Sex you can get anytime, but an intimate relationship with the one person in your life beats a one night stand any day.
Great point Mike, its true, sex you can get anytime and that is what we get reflected all the time. But true intimacy is not something you get and we don’t get it reflected at all. Intimacy starts with me, how I am with me and the relationship I have with myself, From there, I can build intimacy with others. One night stands, sex , porn and even the many break ups in relationships are showing us that we as humanity are lacking intimacy.
I am now developing intimacy with friends, where there is no sex or sexual energy involved, and this is a new experience for me, but way more profound and meaningful than any sexual encounter I have had in the past.
http://www.esotericwomenshealth.com/sacred-movement.html explains more about Sacred Movement.
This is a subject I have avoided for some time, always creating a sense of unease in me when it came up but for some reason I felt to read this blog today. After reading I sat and questioned, why the unease? I have avoided feeling the fact that I accepted those situations and relationships and by avoiding that fact I loose sight of the fact that I am not in those situations now. I have amazing examples around me of true relationships – both with self and towards another. Thank you Rosie.
Thanks Rosie for sharing how you now honour, respect and cherish yourself. Awesome.
One of the things I was taught as a child was “Do not hurt anyones feelings”. This, coupled with ‘wanting to be loved’ was a poor preparation in my life when partners pressured me for sex. Since being inspired by Universal Medicine workshops and the amazing Relationship presentations by Serge Benhayon I have discovered for myself a different way to love and be with men………love myself first. Thanks for your open and honest article Rosie.
Thank you, a very honest and open account of your experience of ‘sex’ and your growing relationship with your body. In the past I did not always feel connected to my own body and treated it with a lack of respect. I also searched for love through physical attention from men. It was not the answer for me, learning to trust myself has brought around significant changes for the better and I have gained self respect and a deep care for my body and what I choose to do with it. Also… I am in a relationship with my husband of 8 years.The self respect and care for my body that I have committed to, has really supported our relationship and it has meant there are less and less underlying agendas in our relationship and interactions. I feel closer and more intimate with him in every way.
Thank you Rosie. I was very much the same. In fact – I hated having sex, but I used to give my body to men wanting to get the sex over and done with, because all I really wanted was to be held. But of course, the sex didn’t come with respect, love or truth so I would never be held afterwards, no matter how long I was ‘seeing’ a guy for. I thought I’d never fall in love, so sex was the best I’d get. How wrong I was. Since Universal Medicine, I have come to learn what true love actually is and that it starts with me. And now making love is not just the physical act, but how I am with myself and my partner all the time. And now, like you, I see that it will never be possible to have just sex again, because of the respect and love I have for me and others.
Thanks for sharing Hannah. Love how you write, I didn’t want the sex, you just wanted to be held.
Dear Rosie, I can relate to your story as this is what I have done for a long time. I would have sex first and eventually see if we could have a long term relationship after which never worked because sex would affect the way we were making decisions rather than making self loving choices. It never gave me a true foundation in a relationship, and always left me with an unreal feeling of thinking I wanted more but I now know I was really after a deepening connection. It is also interesting how we can substitute sex with food…
The title says it all ‘Searching for Love and Settling for Sex’. I used to do that the whole time and then kid myself that it was love, or be in the relationship waiting for it to change to love. I now know that the Love starts from within and you dont have to search for it.
Thank you Rosie. I found it a stunning revelation when I heard Serge Benhayon present the difference between making love and having sex. It was so simple to me and the difference is palpable. My husband and my relationship in our marriage continues to deepen with our love making.
Thank you Rosie for openly sharing your journey back to your true self. In the past, I would never have known what it is to truly make love to another. Sex for me then, was always about self. I have been inspired by Universal Medicine to deepen my awareness about the difference between sex and making love, and I now understand that making love is a union between two people that become one…and to experience this is more than amazing.
Courageous words from a woman who now clearly feels and understands her true worth. This is such an important issue that affects both men and women everywhere. As a man I can say that as much as we try to hide or deny it, we too really feel the emptiness of having sex also and are also terrified of rejection especially in the bedroom. Thanks so much for starting off this conversation that all men and women need to have.
Andrew, thanks for being the courageous man here and sharing with such honesty and deepening and brining men into the conversation. I can feel that it must be true for men also, but I can only speak from my own experience.
I have a feeling that there are many beds out there with 2 people lying next teach other feeling empty and rejected when what they both want is to express love and feel love back but settle for much less, further feeding the emptiness and rejection. Perhaps if we start with nominating this to ourselves and each other, love will begin to rebuild within ourselves opening the door to let each other in again.
Yes Elizabeth, it is with starting with ourselves, and expressing with those around us that we can make changes.
To all men coming back to the love they are: I want to say that I feel such warmth of healing in my chest every time I read these deeply sensitive and understanding comments from men! Thank you Mike, Kevin, Phil, Tim, Jonathan and all the others for being the gentle loving men you are. I missed our true men – men freed to be in their true loving beauty! With deep appreciation to Serge for his loving inspiration to all.
I agree Jo, it does feel really lovely to have the men commenting here in such a sweet sensitive way.
What a beautiful comment Jo.
Thank you Rosie, This should be in every magazine everywhere along side all the lies that entice us all (men and women) settle for abuse instead of love. From my early teens I knew/felt the difference between making love and sex and was determined to NEVER fall for sex…but, until I found Universal Medicine, I settled for sex every single time (!!!) out of a desperate need to be ‘wanted’. I am now feeling just how harmful even the “sweet intimate” sex was… and now, because I’m loving myself, I have found a loving partner and everything is so different. I could NEVER give myself away again.
How beautiful Rosie that you honestly say that you have not yet experienced that other way, but that you know it is there. That IS amazing. When we are unaware that there is another way, we will keep going back to the old way out of fear that there is nothing else. You sharing has helped me (and others) know that we don’t have to settle for less than Love. Thank you!
Rosie, I always thought sex was the B’s and E’s in life, and gave one great satisfaction. No way at all. Being in a truly loving relationship is the greatest thing. Wanting to be with someone is the greatest feeling one can have. I have been in a wonderful relationship for the past 30 years with my wife, and would not change it for anything. Universal Medicine has taught me so much about having a Loving Relationship.
Thanks for sharing Mike. I love hearing about the real life stories from real people. Its like evidence in true form.
Your journey is so familiar Rosie, especially the part about not wanting to hurt someone else’s feelings, which of course, hurts us so much more if we go ahead and don’t express the truth we really feel, which is to say “N0.” One of the gifts of growing old is that my body just couldn’t agree! The usual affects of ageing made everything very difficult, so I was forced to stop. But then I came across Universal Medicine and started to understand this “other way.” With a new partner we have been able to explore a gentle, tender, mutual way of making love. I have found that my experience of libido has changed, as for a while I was so exhausted I had none, but now it seems it comes from a new, deeper place in me and feels very different and infinitely deeper and more loving. But most of all I have learned that opening up to the love within myself and responding to the love offered by my partner dispels previous beliefs around an ageing woman’s body. A little miracle!
Thank you Joan for sharing so honestly… I think you may be onto something here that a lot of women your age may want to know about… perhaps one day you could write a blog about it!
Thank you Rosie for sharing. When you said ” I can be the one who loves me and cares for me tenderly” I used to think that love was something someone gave to me. I was always seeking outside of myself. I do know differently now and what a difference that has made with my relationship with my husband of 38 years. Thank you for your sharing too Joan, it touches on so many issues that are never openly discussed. Till now.
Amazing to think that we could be in a relationship for 20 plus years and still be settling for someone giving us love, when that in itself is not it. It’s like we are right there, but we can’t see our own potential. And once we realise that we are the ones to bring the love first and foremost to ourselves, that then increases the love between the intimate one relationship and all relationships.
This is so beautiful Joan – thank you for sharing.
Thank you Rosie for this very honest blog. The journey you have been through, from self-abuse to self-love is truly inspiring. And as you point out, you can be the one who loves and cares for you because none of this is outside of you.
Nice one Rosie you’ve traveled such a long way in such a short time. What a truly great thing to love yourself first then whatever follows will also be truly great too. Thanks for sharing this very inspiring piece.
Thank you for your honesty Rosie and sharing your journey towards self love, learning to cherish yourself and not being willing to settle for anything less than Love. This blog deserves to be widely read to show that there is a choice and “that I can be the One who loves me and cares for me tenderly”. Inspiring.
Thank you for this article Rosie. It has been so healing and confirming to have understood the difference between sex and making love. For many years whenever I would have sex I would want to cry afterwards, and in fact a few times I did burst out crying halfway through, to the horror of my partner at the time. I could never explain why because mostly the person I was having sex with was ticking all the boxes by being considerate, attentive and caring. I was convinced there was something wrong with me and I hoped I would get over it. But I never did. Years later when I came across Universal Medicine and I started to understand the significance of self love and self honouring, the difference between sex and making love started to become obvious. And now that I am clear about the difference, there is no way I would allow disregard at this level and have sex ever again. If it is not possible to make love, then what is on offer is not what I choose.
Wow, thank you for sharing Golnaz
Golnaz.. thanks for bringing this conversation to another level. I appreciate your honesty. I so get the crying and not understanding… but some where deep inside knowing that something was just not right.
Thank you Golnaz – your comment stopped me in my tracks. I too found myself crying in the bedroom much to the horror of whoever I was with. A few years ago I noticed that I would eat loads of sugar. coffee, dairy, gluten and chocolate after having sex in a relationship even though I never normally ate these foods. Sex left me feeling so empty and devastated even though at the time I felt it was something I wanted. I know with every cell of my body that making love is very different to having sex even though I have not ‘made love’ in the intimate sense this lifetime. I can feel I have always known that it is possible to make love yet I have settled for sex as I have given up on love and have not appreciated my own loveliness. It is wonderful to reconnect to the truth that there is a way to connect with a partner physically in a loving and true way. My heart feels more open just connecting to this.
Really lovely blog, so claiming and committed to self. You are very much now the role model here.
Thanks Phil, I had not considered that but in fact it is true!
It is a rare thing to read such honesty as this. It is because of that deep love-filled place that Rosie has reached within herself, that the true honesty of her writing has the power to be life-transforming for many. How very very powerful that combination of true honesty and lived love are; writing with this combination needs to be widely shared and read.
I agree with everything you have written Catherine. Rosie’s honesty has touched me deeply, and I know that her story has the power and the love to touch others and to change lives.
We can all change lives and inspire each other when we don’t hold back what is there to be expressed, when we don’t fear being judged and when we let ourselves be seen for all the glory and the imperfections.
Hi Catherine, thanks for writing this. I am still loving writing and sharing honestly and I get a healing each time I work through something and share it. I so appreciate all the feedback and comments as it confirms that my writing is not just for me and that it is just the first part that many others then add to and we all grow and learn together. There is so much more space and healing when we get super honest and transparent and share openly.
Rosie, another beautifully honest and profound blog – thank you. I love how you started the paragraph – “Now that I love me…” as if it is now the most natural thing in the world, and I just wanted to celebrate you and those words in particular. The world is a different place when we love ourselves.
Thanks Janet, It was not natural to me in the beginning, it was in fact so weird and foreign… but nothing like a bit of practice! When we each choose to love ourselves first, we make such a difference, and our ripple of self love goes out and effects everyone we come in contact with.
Learning that I could give it all to myself and did not need an outer agent to love me was something I could not quite believe at the start, so like you Rosie, self-love did feel weird and foreign in the beginning. But what a beautiful journey to nowhere but me, it is turning out to be. And that ripples out to everyone.
Yes I really loved that line too. It was so simply stated and so lovely to read.
Thank you Rosie, your article is amazing and offers a blessing for so many people. Thank you for your honesty and your touching description of how you now cherish yourself – you go girl!
Thank you Rosie for your honest sharing. To hold yourself in the regard and respect of the woman you are is truly inspiring. Far too many of us have given away our power searching for love and settling for sex. The fact that society is not clear on the difference between sex and making love shows as a humanity how far we have lost ourselves. What a celebration when we come back to the love we are and start honouring and treating ourselves with that respect, respect that we all truly deserve.
Beautifully expressed Samantha. Thank you.
So true Samantha!
Beautifully said Samantha, we didn’t learn the difference between having sex and making love. And the first step to being love and be able to make love is taking care of ourselves and cherish our bodies. The rest will follow.
Well said. It is great to hear you honor that knowingness you always had. There was another way that felt true to you and that honored all of who you are and it’s great to hear that you will not settle for anything less. Gorgeous.
Hi Rosie, yes it is beautiful when we come to this awareness and there is a level of respect for our bodies that we won’t go below.
I may not have had the respect for myself back then, and I did not have any role models to show me there was another way, but today it feels great to love and respect myself enough to not settle for less than love. Today we have many amazing ‘true’ role models, like Natalie Benhayon, and other women who have chosen to live the way of the livingness and for this I am so grateful.
Thank you Rosie for such a candid and very personal article. I too am extremely grateful for and inspired by the teachings of Serge Benhayon and the Universal Medicine practitioners. It’s a common approach many of us have, to simply give our bodies over to having sex in order to gain “love” and attention and like you say, it hasn’t even been that good! Since attending the Universal Medicine workshops and having esoteric healing sessions, my own self love has developed and deepened, as has my relationship with my husband as he too has chosen to build a loving relationship with himself. The building of a loving relationship between us is far more rewarding, tender and respectful than anything either of us have experienced before. I can never again imagine just having sex to gain attention, as nothing can compare to what I now know to be True Love.
That’s beautiful Rowena. It’s great how when you each choose to work on yourselves first and foremost how the relationship can then blossom.
Beautifully expressed Rowena and Rosie. And it shows how truly loving and honouring another starts with truly loving and honouring our self.
Yes, beautifully expressed, dear wife. Our love for ourselves and for each other has deepened growing tenderness each day. What is also so beautiful is that we have learnt, through the inspiration of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, is that this love is not exclusively for us but that love has no boundaries and is inclusive to share with everyone.
What you share here Jonathan is beautiful. That your love is not exclusive and has no boundaries and is inclusive to share with everyone feels great as it unites us all, and does not make you as a couple in you own little bubble, and I guess the more love you open up to in your relationship, then the more love you will have to share with others. How awesome is that!
Jonathon, I love what you say here. It reminds me of a moment when my husband and I were kissing in the car and as he opened the door to get out we saw a man smiling at us. The man had felt the love and it had ignited the love in him. By feeling our love within we reflect that to others – what a joyful sharing – and indeed a responsibility to not let in what is not love.
Yes, it is beautiful when our love is shared with everyone and we all get to feel it.
Beautiful Jonathan, how you and Rowena share your love with all those around you. We had this belief that we give special love and attention to one special person in our life. I am also learning that this is not true. We can share our love with everybody.
Making Love is for everyone, embracing together a Love that is universal and deeply cherishing. Sex on the other hand is not love but only to satisfy a need we have in ourselves for love. The difference is like chalk and cheese.
Who hasn’t used sex to gain love? It is a horrible part of life that so many of us take on as a way of living – using anything we can get gratuitous pleasure from and saying,” I love it”. It is a loveless re-interpretation of love that has no beauty or preciousness in it, just banal sensory stimulation. Yet deep inside I have always known there is another way to live honouring the love that I am deep inside and it can be a choice to feel and connect with others from the same source. Having been reminded of this very simply in Universal Medicine healing sessions and workshops, it is great to be able to say that it is a truly amazing way to live, permeating into all facets of life when I allow it.
Yes we are worth it!… And there is no one who can tell us we are really worth it, we need to accept it ourselves!
This is so true – we really are worth choosing love for. Settling for attention over love is so disempowering and dishonouring to us as women, or even as people, yet the majority of us do it. It’s amazing to read that you have changed this pattern and re-ignited the deep love in yourself.
Awesome Meg- “Settling for attention over love is so disempowering”, so true and not just exclusive to sex, but in many aspects of life
This is a great point Jessica, settling for attention over love is so disempowering and it is definitely not exclusive to sex. Reading this makes me aware of how many other areas of my life I still in some ways settle for less than love.
” I would do so much to not be rejected”. This resonates with me Rosie. In all areas of life we compromise ourselves just so we can belong and be accepted but at what terrible cost.
I agree Meg. It just shows how desperately we all want to love and be loved – so much so that we do settle for attention at times (which is painful in comparison the real love we know we deserve); rather than choosing to deeply love ourselves first and foremost.
It is very eye opening to see how desperate we get for this love if we don’t know that this love is within us. I too share deep appreciation for all that Natalie Benhayon and Serge Benhayon have presented on this over the years. My love for myself has blossomed as a result and I will not settle for anything less in my relationships.
I love what you have confirmed once again Meg how often as women we settle for attention and “think”this is love. The difference is felt when the quality of love we build in ourselves is honoured, making no room for others to fill in any gaps.
I have found, from experience that the more love I have built and accepted for myself, the more love I have been able to accept from others. In the past, because there was so little love of self, there was no way I could even contemplate allowing that from another so I just settled for less.
Yes, it is amazing how simple this is – if we don’t love ourselves we don’t know how to accept love when it comes to us and we don’t know how to love others. It is really strange that it needed somebody like Serge Benhayon to point this out in a way that it could be understood.
Yes, so simple… seems like we should be learning this at kindergarten… not as grown up adults… but I guess its never to late… we can always learn more.
So true Rosie. That call needs to come from us otherwise we return to the merry go round of relationships where we choose to not feel the true potential of what a loving relationship can be like.
We often end up in a merry go round, because we are not taking responsibility, so the opportunity comes around and around and around again until we become aware and make the change.
Rosie thanks for your blog, it is an amazing experience with oneself when we start to love ourselves and not to settle for anything less from ourselves and from others. We are worth it.
Well said Rosie and amazing that you are now loving you for being you!
Wow – a very beautiful reflection on love vs sex. I can relate a lot to this, and that before seeing what true love is, as I do now – I had no idea of how healing love can be, and how harming lack of it can be.
Hannah, I agree I did not know how healing love can be and harming lack of it can be, but having experienced it with the true understanding, I choose love any day.
I completely agree Hanna. It has been a huge eye-opener to appreciate how harming all my previous expressions of love had been. To acknowledge how I had deluded myself in believing I was being loving and helping another when in fact I was being the opposite, however good my intentions may have been, has been very humbling.
Very true… so much for us all to learn.
Nor did I either Hannah before being introduced to Universal Medicine’s teachings. I used to think that there was a fence we could sit on that makes something neither harming or healing, but such a thought is pure comfort and illusion because EVERYTHING we do and say harms or heals. There is no in between.
I have learnt this too Joshua, no in between it is one or the other. Harm or Heal.
Yes Rosie Bason I couldn’t agree more as the fence sitting buries the harm and hurts even deeper as we make this the norm.
Yes love and being open to the reflections on offer from another can be so so healing, especially if we are open to feeling the hurts and areas where we have shut down in the past so as to ensure that they do not get in the way of the next relationship and opportunity to deepen the love.
Thanks Rosie for expressing this so beautifully. I so know what you are talking about as I too have been down this path in my past. I feel very grateful to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon who reflected to me another way of being, which allowed me to come out of this pattern and meet a man with whom I could build a truly loving and caring relationship without having to make it about sex, but having love as our foundation.
This is such a tabu topic, but I am very thankful Rosie that you have brought it up in your light and natural way. It is very easy to open up and speaking about it in this way you have started. I have not experienced making love with a partner yet, but I know that it starts first to be in a loving relationship with myself. I know that I will not accept anything less than making love.
Same for me Monica.. I have yet to experience making love in an intimate way however what I am beginning to understand is that making love is not just about the physical act, but rather that it can become the daily way we are with ourselves and others… and in this sense it does not have to be necessarily tied into the act of intercourse at all, although of course when appropriate, this physical intimacy can be shared as a different expression of the love that is made throughout the day.
I get what you mean Angela, I was cooking with a friend the other day, and we were both preparing food in the most loving way and the way we were moving and being with each other was an act of making love. Making love does not have to happen in the bedroom or without clothes!
Beautifully said Angela – we can make love all day, every day with everyone and there is nothing remotely sexual about it.
… This is great Rosie, and so honest. How can we look for love outside ourselves when we don’t love ourselves first? It sounds crazy now, but looking for love everywhere else but inside of me was certainly what I was doing before I came across Universal Medicine and the teachings of the Ancient Wisdom.
Oh me too Gabrielle. I was so outsourcing love and mistaking sex for love. Great blog Rosie – honest and real. Qualities I really appreciate about you. And i am grateful for Universal Medicine for showing me there is another way – a true way – to bring love and tenderness to yourself.
Yes Gabriele so well said. I was the exact same, looking for love outside, not wanting to look inside basically. What I have felt in myself when I met Universal Medicine is HUGE, that I know there is not a love outside of me that is going to save me, but actually a love inside me that allready saved me all along. Thank you Rosie Bason.
I have come to realise that it’s only possible to recognise the love that’s all around us by first recognising the love that’s within us.
I can totally relate Rosie… thank you for your honesty… and for cherishing you!
Thank you Rosie, honesty like yours brings a tear to my eye – noticeably when I got to the part about cherishing yourself – so deeply beautiful.