There is a scene in the film ‘Chariots of Fire’, where the runner Harold Abrahams sits in the dressing room having won the ultimate individual sports competition, the Olympic 100m gold. There is no elation, in fact the scene depicts him with feelings of emptiness, looking rather flat, probably quite unlike how he thought he would feel. I have no idea whether this is a true depiction of the real life events it charts, but it certainly spoke to me as I recall that scene more vividly than any other from films I haven’t seen for years…
A Scene of My Own
May 2010. Isle of Skye, west coast of Scotland. It’s unusually hot, in fact the hottest day on Skye that year, 25 degrees. It’s a rare, beautiful, blue sky day with only a few ripples of clouds and there are stunning views all around.
But I’m not seeing any of this properly through my weary, sweat-soaked eyes. For at this moment I’m focussed on the road, slogging up the umpteenth hill of the day on a bike, a man on a mission. The euphoria from earlier has gone as my legs have turned to stone blocks, but as I close in on hour number five, the aim remains: complete the 95 miles (155 kilometres) and 3000 metres of climbing and get back before as many people as possible. It’s not really a sports competition as it’s not officially a race. But you couldn’t convince me of that, nor the guys who left me behind at hour three.
I’m not the fastest, but I reassure myself with being faster than most and that pushing, pushing, pushing will bring me the rewards I seek. The satisfaction of another goal conquered, another box ticked.
Giving Up? Not an Option
I can barely turn the pedals and can feel the burn in my muscles go deep – right to the bone, constant low-level agony. I stop at one point, wanting to give up, but that isn’t an option; I’m in a sporting competition with myself, the ultimate contest.
Finally, with the last hill climbed, it’s downhill and with the wind behind me it’s a fast, free ride into the finish line. It still hurts but it’s faster now and the end is in sight. As I make it back I have a satisfied feeling as I collapse on the floor of the village hall to gather myself. This isn’t a big deal to me, it’s what I do – cycle far, run fast, swim hard.
Competitive sports are within me, a part of how I identify myself.
As I take stock and refuel (we athletes don’t call it eating so much as filling up) like a car at the garage, the adrenaline that’s been pushing me around this island starts to leave my body and the glow is replaced with hard reality… what now? I came here alone so there’s no-one here to share the moment with: I’m a little bit lost, what will I do now… with the rest of the weekend?
I head back to the B&B, I shower away the sweat and grime and then I slump on the bed, exhausted and with a fair bit of heatstroke and dehydration. I am alone with myself, properly connected to my body in a quiet stillness for the first moment today, no longer shutting down to the clear signals it has been giving me for the last few hours. Feelings of emptiness arise that grip me, then slowly… tears roll down my cheeks, and an almost desolate feeling takes over.
My body cannot hide how I truly feel after a sports competition – empty and sad.
Starting to Question
Looking back, it’s actually beautiful to feel the tears and the strong sadness that comes with it. But at the time it was confusing: I should be euphoric, right?… another great achievement, a fantastic personal effort. But instead I’m unsettled and unfulfilled. I can kid myself that I’m proud of myself, tell myself how not many others can do this, but deep down I question…
Why am I doing this? When will it ever be enough? What is the point of putting myself through this pain, triumphing over another in a sports competition, investing in being faster, fitter, harder? This isn’t a new feeling but it is stronger and clearer than ever. Where am I really going with all this, where does it end, and what am I really looking for?
A New Approach
Fast forward to today and I don’t do this to my body anymore.
But I had to go through a lot more pain to get to this point, a lot more of these kind of races and a lot more feelings of emptiness.
Competitive sport always brought disappointment: I could finish first and it would be the same feeling. There was no eureka moment where I said enough, stop! It just happened over time as I learned what it is to truly respect my body, exercise within my limits and create a healthier vital presence.
After all, how can it be healthy to be constantly tired, hungry and anxious about fitting in more training?
For because I was super-fit, I was considered ‘healthy’ – but no way! You can’t be healthy if you are constantly tired, always hungry, with swinging moods and anxious about fitting in more training.
So now, instead of fighting my way through exercise, there is no clock to race and I stop when I’m tired. I feel lighter on my feet and eat foods to nourish me, not to fill the engine.
Recognising it’s about how I am too.
The way I am overall has changed too: now it’s about the quality of my being as well as honouring what I feel in my body. I am more with myself around others so they get a much better version of me, and I no longer have that restless feeling that whatever training I do is not going to be enough. I get out of bed easily in the mornings without having to unglue my eyes as I did before.
I can concentrate on tasks and engage with people with clarity and purpose. I can share more fun, more joy and loving moments with others, no longer distracted by this solitary, self-centred pursuit of feelings of emptiness that competitive sports always brought me.
And all this came about because I heard presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine which inspired me to reconnect to what I had felt for years but overridden because it wasn’t what society was telling me, leading me to doubt myself.
Choosing a New Way to Be
I don’t need to outdo others to feel amazing: now I know if a feeling comes from within my body it is always true and that it’s infinitely self-caring to respect it.
And I know that sport isn’t the fix it’s made out to be and can be self-perpetuating, damagingly so, and really quite, quite sad.
There is another way to be that respects your own body and doesn’t rely on outdoing others or being faster or fitter or stronger to feel amazing.
Being with myself is more fulfilling than any race or sports competition and from that being, my potential living feels limit-less. I reckon that’s the way I will now choose, to no longer be in pursuit of the feelings of emptiness.
My deepest appreciation goes to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, for showing me a different way to be.
by Stephen, United Kingdom
Further Reading:
True Strength – One Man’s Experience Of Body Building
Shock! I Achieved A High Level Of Fitness With Gentle Exercise!
Vitality versus Fitness
When you see adverts for healthy people they are slim, smiling and pretending to run or eat salad. In real life I’ve never seen a happy one smiling as they beat the pavement. What we are sold as ideals is often not matched by reality.
‘ now I know if a feeling comes from within my body it is always true and that it’s infinitely self-caring to respect it.’ That’s it, Stephen, and honouring consistently what we feel within, is what gives us access to true wellbeing.
Thank you Stephen, adding to what you have shared about Olympic Gold, could it be our Golden Essences as a divine connection is all the Golden-glory we can aspire to, and thus standing in front of us is all the most glorious full-fill-ment we will ever need.
From a young age we learn to override our bodies and competing at sports just hones this disregard to an even greater degree. So sad that this is championed by so many to the great detriment of all the bodies involved.
Sports to me was all about the team and the party after.
A beautiful exercise in listening to the communication of truth from the body offering a way to be fit for life.
We can use exercise to be reckless, to disregard our bodies or to crush another – or – we can exercise to build our bodies, to keep ourselves healthy and ready to take on whatever life gives us – I know which I prefer.
What an amazing and invaluable realisation to have come to, ‘I don’t need to outdo others to feel amazing: now I know if a feeling comes from within my body it is always true and that it’s infinitely self-caring to respect it.’
A great sharing Stephen, on Competitive sports, I am sure most competitors of any sports feel what you have expressed from time to time, in their intimate feelings. A beautiful realisation of the emptiness of this pursuit. “I don’t need to outdo others to feel amazing: now I know if a feeling comes from within my body it is always true and that it’s infinitely self-caring to respect it. “
Seeing the emptiness of sport and competition is, I feel, a stop moment at the end of a long journey of investment in what these elements of life can give if they are chosen.
The end result of any pushing and striving doesn’t make all that effort worth it if we give our body a permission to be honest and say how we truly feel.
I recently listened to a presentation by an athlete who had recently competed in the Commonwealth Games, it was supposed to be an inspirational talk yet myself and colleagues could feel that there were unresolved issues that was driving this person in their pursuit of being the best and this was harming them greatly, but because their success is rewarded in society it allowed the person to continue in this momentum but at what expense? What happens when they can no longer race, when the body is finished with this? How does he then know himself?
A very needed line of questioning Jude: “…at what expense? What happens when they can no longer race, when the body is finished with this? How does he then know himself?”
The community who heralds and champions sport are a huge part of the issue.
What really comes across in your writing is how in order to achieve this level of success your whole life is taken over with the training and preparation and then attending the events which leaves no room for anything else and presumably part of the emptiness you feel after the event is that your life is lacking meaningful purpose when it is dedicated to something that drains you so completely and leaves you feeling so isolated.
How great that you started to question how you felt after these sporting events, what was the purpose, what was really at play here, ‘part of the emptiness you feel after the event is that your life is lacking meaningful purpose when it is dedicated to something that drains you so completely and leaves you feeling so isolated.’
Thank you for exposing the emptiness of competitive sport and how even if you reach the so called pinnacle you are still left with the emptiness of having left yourself in order to push your body way past its limits to reach some predetermined goal that is always to our own detriment both personally and in leaving others in our wake.
Having a strong body that is fit for life and fit for purpose and ready to go feels amazing, but why would you ever need the strongest body or to have a fitter body than someone else. If we’re constantly comparing or competing with other people it makes sense that we feel that what we have is never enough – what if it is actually perfectly enough but our gaze is simply in the wrong direction.
” I stop at one point, wanting to give up, but that isn’t an option; I’m in a sporting competition with myself, the ultimate contest. ”
Is it not shocking what we will do to ourselves, to our body to fit into the sadness of the world.
Very few would admit that that is what we strive to fit in with, the sadness and struggle of the world but it’s exactly what we do if we aren’t living in the joy of being ourselves.
” So now, instead of fighting my way through exercise, there is no clock to race and I stop when I’m tired. I feel lighter on my feet and eat foods to nourish me, not to fill the engine. ”
This is so lovely and caring , when the body is tired , its a simple message to pay attention to.
Beautiful sharing Stephen – heartfelt. I love this line to take into my day – “I don’t need to outdo others to feel amazing: now I know if a feeling comes from within my body it is always true and that it’s infinitely self-caring to respect it.” I would rather feel awkward or even anxiousness knowing the potential I have to reflect on my feelings than to pursue competition already surpassing comparison and wanting recognition leading to the inevitable emptiness.
Thank you Stephen – nailed it!
The images provided to us of competitive sports including the elation and the deflation can convince us that competition is a great thing, a part of life, a way to feel great. And yet here in this blog I think you speak for many when you say, the end result when you arrive at home is emptiness.
This is an awesome blog and offers a lot to consider. I enjoyed reading what you shared about how you felt after the race- that you were there on your own and that there was a feeling of emptiness and lack of purpose. It is interesting to consider what we are running away from when we go into this and that it is always there, no matter what the outcome, the issues will always resurface. It explains why so many famous sports stars lose it. You think they have everything and on the surface it looks this way but if they can go to a life of drug or alcohol abuse or struggling with relationships it shows that this is not it.
How is ‘beating’ another ever going to truly fulfill one’s empty life. We can only fill up from the inside (which is not really filling up but rather deepening our connection within) and when that overflows everyone feels it ( which is really the deeper we connect within the more connected we are with the All)
Competition is an insidious but very prevalent part of our human existence, many claim it is good for us, others that at the very least it is necessary, but perhaps we need to study what life is like without competition, will the world really not flourish if there is no competitiveness, I somehow doubt this and believe the opposite may in fact occur.
I appreciate the honesty here and can understand why others might choose copious amounts of alcohol after a sporting event – anything to keep the illusion going and keep the feelings of emptiness at bay.
To overcome the arrogance and lies we allow when sport gets a grip without a shadow of a doubt requires a level of honesty. It is this honesty that we override but no matter what or how much we bury it it is there patiently waiting for us to tap into and surrender to, accepting the fact that we have been fooled all along.
We have got to start asking ourselves and others, what that competitive spirit that we think is normal doing to our own and other people’s bodies.
True success is never won at the expense of another.
What strikes me is that THIS is what we consider healthy – to be fit and exercise a lot. And yet we turn a blind eye and even encourage people who hurt their bodies just to win a race. We’ve turned health into fitness and made it competitive rather than seeing health as a way of life.
Carola, I love what you have written here, it is so brilliantly exposing of the truth, win or lose we always lose when we put ourselves into the mire of sporting achievement and leave ourselves less full of our natural joys, less connected to our natural qualities and abundant joy.
This is so brilliantly written exposing how sport is nothing more than an entrapment which will always leave us, be it a deemed winner or loser, feeling less that who we already actually are. What is the point of outdoing another when who we are within can never be out done, as we are absolutely complete, and the more we appreciate this within ourselves and in others the more we will see the futility of sport. The beautiful point here is, as you have shared, that this awareness can only come for our willingness to be open to feeling our connection to our bodies, through which we then come to feel and know this truth for ourselves.
A great observation of how competitive driven sports can be unhealthy. Fitness is not how hard and far you can push the body but feeling and honouring what the body is calling for.
When we compare and compete with another, there is not other way than disconnect and harden our bodies for if we were to feel and understand the harm we cause to ourselves and others we will never even consider it.
Thank you Stephen for sharing your story how competitive sports is really in the end just filled with emptiness, so much of the life force is squandered in the pursuit for recognition that often leaves the person lost and desolate if they are not continually pushing and achieving more, beautiful to read that you have taken yourself out of this and found a new way of being that is deeply fulfilling, being with you.
Thank you Stephen for the powerful reminder of the physiological and emotional damage that comes with competitive sport; in fact competition full stop. You have highlighted the ‘roller-coaster’ that is an inevitable outcome of competitive sport, whatever the level played. What you have expressed here is inspiring, thank you;
“Being with myself is more fulfilling than any race or sports competition and from that being, my potential living feels limit-less. I reckon that’s the way I will now choose, to no longer be in pursuit of the feelings of emptiness”.
I find competitiveness always leaves me feeling empty, feeling not good enough and feeling tension in my body. It is going against my natural way of being and going against what feels true for my body and how I relate to others.
I often think that weekend races are really meant to just fill in time, and give a sense of a weekend that was worth something. Having been someone who for a while also chose to spend my weekends this way I can say I far prefer to take the space and time to walk or swim and enjoy myself while I also care for myself.
“My body cannot hide how I truly feel after a sports competition – empty and sad.” After all where do you go to next? The next competition? Pushing oneself so hard in sports and competitions takes its toll on the body – hence so many sports injuries. Yet such athletes are held up to be pinnacles of fitness. Fitness maybe, but vitality? No.
I turned on the TV the other day and there was a programme on that was all about people competing against each other or should I say fighting each other for the chance to do the most gruelling obstacle course ever. Oh there was a monetary prize at the end but I couldn’t help but think, is it worth any amount of money to punish your one and only body to the limit that much?
You paint such a clear picture about just how unhealthy it is to be addicted to competitive sports because not only are you obsessed with your own goals but also not following good eating patterns or getting enough rest. This is further compounded by the feelings of emptiness once you finally get to stop the excruciating activity for another day. Beautiful to feel how this has now turned around for you and the more you are tuned into your body the more it communicates with you.
Thanks Stephen, for me one of the most destructive aspects of competition that you write about is in the singing contests , both live and on TV. For every winner there are so many devastated people … when singing can be such a uniting thing humanity can do, it ends up another divisive one
Great point Chris, it seems we turn everything into a competition, we have such an unquenchable thirst for winners and losers. Baking being another example, it is all rather ridiculous when we think about it. With singing what I feel it has done is create a style of singing that is not about the pleasure of singing, the unique quality of each individual voice, but more about who can hit the highest notes for the longest time. It ends up making everyone sound quite similar, and quite boring. It becomes jarring to listen to, where it could be about harmony, instead it is just another ugly contest.
So true Chris, singing should be a joy, a celebration and fun but when we make it competitive it turns it all up side down and leaves people feeling empty, anxious and sad.
This is such a beautifully honest blog…’My body cannot hide how I truly feel after a sports competition – empty and sad.’ How many sports men and women feel this way but push away those feelings or deny that they have them. Whether we invest in sports like you did, or even in work as a way of seeking recognition to counter the lack of self-worth, until we choose to fully appreciate ourselves and our sense of worth, we will forever be creative in the ways we find to fill that emptiness gap.
I could so feel the push and drive in you as you cycled those hills on the Isle of Skye. As I read on it reminded me of the way some parents push their children to perform and come first, beating the other children. Interesting that we use the word ‘beat’ for it is like we batter those behind us by coming first and yet, as you say, how long does this state of elation from winning last? And how empty do some children feel when they have succeeded in fulfilling their parents desires and then have no idea what they really want for themselves?
This is so very important to share, how we truly feel and not clinging onto the picture we think we should feel. And this applies to all areas of life. We are so used to following our mind and the many scenarios and images we have collected that we have lost any connection to our bodies and how we really feel.
Ah the sweet smell of competition, that was never sweet. My loudest memory of pre competition was the feeling that there was something wrong with me because I dreaded doing it. No matter what the format or who or what was involved there would be a dread that I had to push through in order to compete. I always thought this is why I never made it in sport was because I couldn’t keep myself motivated to compete. I remember being silently concerned and thought I would never amount to anything because I was just not motivated in this way. I lived in a constant disappointment around this feeling. When it came to competing I always looked forward to the end, when it was over. Looking back now with what I know and the awareness I have around what I am feeling I can see that that feeling of self preservation was actually something else calling to me to stop. Universal Medicine has made so much sense of so many things and this was another. Thoughts that had plagued me for years understood within minutes. I never liked playing competitive but never understood and was able to stand on what I was feeling and instead was swept away with the world. My body is now much lighter, stronger and fitter then ever before and yet no competition, sport or hard long training in sight, just some light exercise.
Ray, I know exactly what you are talking about, I used to play football and would always be criticised for not having that killer instinct, I wasn’t hard enough, and for years I would feel lesser for not having this within me, and within minutes of listening to Serge Benhayon explain about the natural tenderness of men I realised I was just that much closer to how I am meant to be. And now I have no shame about not being hard or ruthless, I see it as a blessing that I was staying more in line with who I am, you could say less sold out.
It’s extraordinary to have succeeded in an ultimate endurance test, only to feel empty and alone, no reward from the body only the reflection of what in truth you were feeling but overriding. It is very revealing of the conditioning we have received to take our lead from every other outer source, comparing, competing, judging, copying, driving us further into the illusion we are getting somewhere. It’s a glorious moment when we realise we are already there with nothing to prove and our body lovingly responds with feeling true joy and connection.
“The way I am overall has changed too: now it’s about the quality of my being as well as honouring what I feel in my body. I am more with myself around others so they get a much better version of me, and I no longer have that restless feeling that whatever training I do is not going to be enough.” – This feels amazing and so inspiring for it is an ever deepening process to bring levels of quality to the way we are in our day to day.
Awesome sharing Stephen! Thank you! I used to be into competition tennis – this was in my teens and I would train 15 hours per week in and around school and then go to competitions around a 100km radius from where I lived. I found it really hard to rah rah myself to play hard and win – I often found the ‘opponent’ was actually someone really nice and that to play against them competitively I had to force myself to talk them down in my head so that I could beat them in the game. This never felt good to do, so eventually I stopped the whole competition things as I felt I was not really made for it. And I often felt knee pain when I played (tennis is also not the best sport for joints), but instead of listening to this, I was so strong headed that I just strapped both my knees up with some serious supports and continued playing (often getting comments that I must be going for a rugby game). And then from there, after stopping tennis, I went into running, which only made the knees worse so I switched to yoga and would sometimes do up to 4 hours per day! This of course affected by other joints as the yoga I was doing was not the supportive kind for my body either! All this was done to escape…to escape the angst and disconnection that I could feel happening each and every day…Finally after giving birth to my son, I allowed myself to slow down and really begin to feel how unhappy I was. And then, would you know it, i ‘stumbled’ across Universal Medicine, and the rest is history, for my life has changed so much with embracing The Way of The Livingness! What I have re-found today is something I will never ever walk away from again!
Feeling empty and sad after having finished a sporting competition says it all really – it is not fulfilling us and requires more of the same, at the expense of our physical body and our sanity.
“…because I was super-fit, I was considered ‘healthy’ – but no way! You can’t be healthy if you are constantly tired, always hungry, with swinging moods and anxious about fitting in more training.” So true – yet sporting stars (who train 24/7) are idolised and considered ‘healthy’ in our world, yet continually get injuries as they push their body to extremes and dont listen to its innate wisdom. Competition is evil – yet so many get sucked in from an early age (often starting in school) – be it in the sporting, academic or music world – any world – all to cover up our lack of self-worth. If we deeply loved and appreciated ourselves why would we want to ‘beat’ another?
I used competitive sports as a way of coping with the world, it was easy to bury myself in something that never really fulfilled me, as all it gave me was recognition and acceptance, but never filled the pain I carried inside.
I remember tucking away 1,000’s of calories while I was doing sports, and the worst part was I could always eat more, my body really ached every morning, and what kept me going was always wanting to achieve more, I too had that empty feeling inside that I was trying to fill, although at the time I was not aware that that was what I was doing. Thankfully my body eventually told me enough was enough, and I am far more gentle and loving with myself and others too.
Superb blog Stephen, its crazy the lengths we go to, to try and fill an emptiness or bury hurts, although I played a bit of sport my indulgence wasn’t the sport but the socialising after, I never really did have the drive to push myself harder than when it hurt but looking back and if I did have my time over I would not even have played the sport I did as I feel my body is still probably damaged from when I did.
This is such a brilliant exposure of the illusion of what sports ‘supposedly’ deliver us. Stephen you write so beautifully bringing to light the truth, through your experiences. It is so true that we do not need to outdo anyone to feel amazing, as who we are within is already that and more, if we are willing to explore and embrace it.
What an honest article about the reality of giving your power away to competitive sport in an attempt to feel something.
We’ve all fallen for this lie, and the truth is, that sometimes it can take a loooooooong time before we realise how much importance we place on running after a ball, running down a line and suddenly stopping or swimming back and forth like a fish with dementia, doesn’t quite give us what we hoped it would.
It’s a bit like anything we invest in that is outside of us. Celebratory events of any nature also often leave us feeling empty once they’re over. So this other way you suggest Stephen, to love and accept yourself first before enjoying other activities….perhaps that’s something worth giving a go…so that when things don’t turn out as planned, we’re left with ourselves – but FULL of ourselves and completely ok with it, because we know we are enough.
A great sharing of one of the ways we try to fill that emptiness inside, and how it never works. I love your turn around and how now, ‘it’s about the quality of my being as well as honouring what I feel in my body. I am more with myself’, this is where I have come to in my livingness too, and what a joy compared to the former way of living.
“There is another way to be that respects your own body” yes, there is another way and that is The Way of The Livingness where there is no competition with yourself or others, it is a choice to be responsible for our every movement to live in harmony with all.
This is such an exposing article of the pursuit through competition, for a fulfilment that is unattainable or at best fleeting. It is gorgeous that through Universal Medicine, you now realise there is another way to feel amazing through being loving to and honouring the body accordingly.
I can relate to your sharing. I used to be very good at pretty much any sport I tried. When I was in high school I wanted to start rowing so I joined the school team, in my first training session at 13 I was faster than the girls in the u18s team who had been rowing together for years. They were all close friends and in that first session I knocked one of them out of the top four ranking and replaced them into their boat. Anyone would have thought this was an amazing feat but after that session going home on the bus on my own, I knew I was in trouble- the Year 12 students who were close friends were not happy that a year 8 kid had knocked ‘one of their own’ out of their team.
The bullying and taunting that ensued afterwards- I was hurt by and gave up rowing even though I loved being on the water. Competition for me kills the joy in sport as you describe the feeling is no longer in you but about meeting some external goal however when you do exercise because you enjoy it- the joy stays with you.
I appreciate your very real and relatable sharing from inside the world of an athlete. It helps me to understand how we are all in one way or the other looking for something but often looking outside of ourselves and our body for this something. In the end this ‘something’ is never outside of us, it is inside us and can be felt when we take deep care of ourselves and our bodies first.
Great comment Monica, I up until now did not really realise this feeling in myself but it is there. The feeling of passing an exam and wondering why I do not feel content with it. I now see life is ultimately not about results in any way, it is about how I am living with myself everyday. As you say the connection with myself and other people is the only thing that is truly satisfactory.
The Olympics is upon us and I can really feel what a distraction it is from what is really going on in the world. Perhaps we need an Olympic medal table of shame, highlighting the atrocities in the world, perhaps one for the illness and disease rates, who can top the medals in dementia and diabetes. So much emotion is poured into these events, so much hype yet at the end of it nothing will have changed, we will still have slavery, child abuse, starvation, war and suffering on a mass scale, and this olympic sized distraction will have finished and some other distraction will be needed to take its place.
Well said.
And now we are seeing in the Olympics literally billions of people watching as competition is pursued to its ultimate degree… And even more separation is being promoted in the world… And no one is seeing the actual awfulness of competition.
Such an awesome blog exposing the competitive drive that so many are addicted to. I recall training for half-marathons many years ago I was totally addicted to my running training and needing to do it everyday regardless of how I felt. I was very sick with bronchitis once and so I decided running was too harsh on my body so I choose to walk instead but for nearly 2 hours! It was crazy the lengths I would go to to complete my training regime and I completely agree Stephen that I was trying to fill an emptiness that never went away even after the marathon had ended.
This blog is a must for anyone who is addicted to the adrenalin rush of competitive sports and particularly those that are driven by being competitive with our personal bests. The emptiness you describe that reappears straight after the short-lived buzz is over is the reason we do it in the first place – to fill that emptiness. You offer a great alternative way of living in and with the body that can enhance all aspects of life such that the emptiness just gently goes away. That surely has to be a winner.
Very revealing blog Stephen and a story that needs to be told and shared. That the appearance of being super healthy, flogging oneself at the gym is not the answer to being healthy and exercising. That part of exercising is feeling into where our bodies are at, not just going for it no matter what the body is saying.
What a great blog on exposing the very short lived highs of sports and targeting personal bests. The harm that is felt goes well beyond the physical body and is alarming to read about.
Ive never understood how driving our body to extremes can be desired or chosen again and again! I think back to running the 800 M in little athletics and I was pooped by the first lap! One thing we do get very early on is recognition from parents and adults about “doing a good job” and “well done” when we do something such as this, it reinforces to us that driving our bodies is what we should do to get the love we so desire.
Stephen, this is a profound blog, and I can very much relate. Once you reach the top, you can only come back down. It is at best only a temporary high – and certainly not sustainable. Such is the nature of sport. It is simply a form of addiction that does not require a needle.
What struck me when reading your blog Stephen was out doing another person when competing; somehow it never felt quite right. I over rode those feelings and tried desperately feel good about defeating another, I never succeeded.
You have beautifully and truthfully exposed the consciousness of sport and the self worth and recognition it falsely affords.
Re-reading this today Stephen brought to my attention the ‘loneliness’ that you felt whilst in pursuit of your sporting activity. This must I feel not be an isolated case. So looking at the vastness of all the ‘sports’ and sports related pursuits out in the world – there must be a lot of lonely, isolated people. After each and every competition, behind closed doors we don’t get to see that true picture. Just the set look of determination, strain and defeat of an exhausted body. How beautiful Stephen that those previous distractions are lessons of the past and no more running (or cycling) on empty – to now being filled with love and joy and to share this with others.
Hi Stephen, thank you for the depth of insight you have brought to competitive sport and the power of the body to hold true in conveying the impact of this. Your willingness to go deeper has reaped precious rewards that you wouldn’t trade for anything. As you have shared – ‘Being with myself is more fulfilling than any race or sports competition and from that being, my potential living feels limit-less’. Inspiring.
In society we are used to pushing ourselves in all directions, this is condoned and supported and lauded, whether it be intellectually musically expressive in sport or work, it is everywhere and yet it is the antithesis of the true and deep understanding that we are all indeed one.
How great Stephen that you realized for you that extreme sports were a way to cover up the ’emptiness’ and the feeling of ‘not being good enough’. How important is this realization in order to make more loving choices. I find it very inspirational how you had shifted this in your life – from competition to connecting to your body – and so responding on what felt true and honest to your body and doing it so. This is very strong and a wise choice if so experienced.
This is great to read Stephen, and to see the falsity of extreme sports. As you started to ask the questions: Where am I really going with all this, where does it end, and what am I really looking for? – you realised that you had followed some false identification. I love this point where the soul gives its impulses to us. Then it depends if we want to listen.
Competition in any area of life creates divisions amongst us – I was recently at a school event where the students worked on a means of transport for carrying an egg without breaking it. There were eight teams and it was a competition with a final three and then a winning team, who were given a prize each. All the children had worked really hard on their designs and had worked well together, and we acknowledged that. There is always disappointment for the losers, but your article, Stephen, shows that there is disappointment for the winners too, as the emptiness kicks in after the event. Appreciation for all helps to create equality.
If I was part of that egg-transport learning scenario Carmel, I wouldn’t have had a winner. I think kids start off going that they will win, but when they get used to there not being a winner, just team cohesion and learning, the effort that goes into the task would be no different to when they were competing, and in addition, all the participants can feel worthy and included in the activity, no one person or team better than another. This is the future.
I just had an amazing conversation with a professional athlete who’s represented his country in athletics competitions. He exposed the truth of whats really going on at an international level and I’m sure across the board. He has never seen so much bullying and competition in sport, you never feel part of a team, the abuse comes not so much from the training but at a mental level, people give up because they can’t take that side of it anymore, there are guys as young as 16 injecting steroids because they have been hailed as gifted and pushed when young, on the front cover of magazines, so they feel they have to try and keep up with it, when obviously their bodies are saying no more. There is even abuse on the track, such as a competitors stamping on another persons leg when running in a competition, but this doesn’t get exposed, people know about it but don’t speak up. So good on this guy for calling it as it is.
The truth is out there, it just needs to be revealed.
Interesting what you share here Gyl in your conversation with a professional athlete “he has never seen so much bullying and competition in sport, you never ever feel part of a team”. A very distorted view of the word team, the complete opposite to working as one in brotherhood. A great expose of some of things that go on behind the scenes.
This is great, I am sure there are many who could speak out what is truly going on in competitive sport. All on cost of the body – this feels so wrong and empty to run after an illusion that is not satisfying at all, but running the emptiness from inside.
Competitiveness is baffling when you ask yourself the question, ‘What Now?’ after winning (or even losing). I used to watch the olympic swimming feverishly for years when I was growing up, but I couldn’t tell you the names of the people who won, lost, or anything about them. The swimmers would have spent years in the pool training, at huge cost to other areas of their lives, their relationships, their education, their friendships, their health, but for the millions who watch them perform, there is no thought about that. Once the race is over, the viewers simply go back to doing what they were doing, most couldn’t really care less about the result, least of all the damage the athletes have experienced. It is all so purpose-less.
Your comment Suzanne reminds me of the interviews afterwards with some of the competitors – their bodies heaving with adrenalin and being on a super high – but truly what would be going on behind the scenes. Just as you mention Suzanne so much training and at what cost to their bodies and relationships in their lives. Some athletes you do not hear of again as the pressures just get too much. Yes so ‘purpose-less’.
The idea that sport is healthy justifies whatever motivation takes someone to the lengths that they do in sport/exercise, but the quality of how it is being done or the impact on their body is generally not acknowledged (although some feel the affect but choose to ignore it) until blogs like this expose the belief that….” because I was super-fit, I was considered ‘healthy’” and the devastation on the body that follows.
This is a powerful expose of sport Stephen: “..sport isn’t the fix it’s made out to be and can be self-perpetuating, damagingly so, and really quite, quite sad.” This is a side of sport we hear very little about because sport is meant to be ‘healthy’, but the focus is on the sport itself and not the people doing it – the way they do it or the reasons motivating them. What you share here Stephen is the honesty around sport that few want to see or feel.
the emptiness of the sport’s competition is becoming more and more revealed… Just recently one country that has had such pride about being always in the top has been revealed to have had systematic government cheating all the way through to the point where the Olympics competition had been revealed for the sham that it is. There is no dignity here, just human greed and the pursuit of an ideal.
Where is the fun and joy in all that pushing and striving in any sports activity to be the best and beat time targets etc, when clearly the body is suffering so much. How amazing that you came to the point of asking yourself “Why am I doing this”? This clearly indicated a big turnaround in your life with big changes ahead.
I don’t need to outdo others to feel amazing: now I know if a feeling comes from within my body it is always true and that it’s infinitely self-caring to respect it. – The notion of outdoing people is present in so many parts of our lives and reality TV shows thrive on the dynamic.Respecting and caring for ourselves and our feelings and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable around others starts to break down this dynamic.
No matter what the activity is if it makes your body feel sore, strained or deflated then it probably isnt good for you
Stephen having read your blog I have come to realise the levels of physical abuse I would allow in order to “think’ I was fit. The pain and suffering after long bike rides which would leave me trying to beat my personal best left me feeling totally exhausted and unable to move for the rest of the day.
In today’s society we champion this behaviour but our bodes are a constant marker to the level of abuse we subscribe to with an array of sports and physical fitness regimes.
The honesty with which you deliver this marvel is the true achievement reached. To be so entrenched in a way of being with our body that does little to serve it and much to punish it all in the name of ‘sporting excellence’, to come to a stop to ask ‘what for?‘ is a true victorious moment. To lay aside the identification that adorns the need to be the best, and to choose instead to deeply care for oneself, shines brighter than gold.
If we all were to seriously celebrate the moment someone starts to love and cherish their body and wellbeing over beating another or winning a trophy, the that would indeed be evolution.
It occurred to me reading this blog today that in competition, there is always an end – a finish line or goal reached, even if not with the result we had hoped for. When the end is over, that there is a moment of “what next?”. It seems this keeps a cycle going, of being ahead of ourselves and always racing towards the end goal. Is it possible that the sadness or emptiness described by Stephen relates back to that point of what next and realising in this way of being, we can never be fulfilled? We never get to honour and appreciate the loving, tender quality of our being in simply doing something for the love it, in connection with ourselves just as we are and not for self improvement, building character, receiving recognition, reaching an end or any other motive that is part and parcel of competition. In this other way of being, there is no beginning and no end and perhaps that brings us back to the divine nature we are already part of and why it can feel so joyful and complete in itself.
“For because I was super-fit, I was considered ‘healthy’ – but no way! You can’t be healthy if you are constantly tired, always hungry, with swinging moods and anxious about fitting in more training”. Stephen, in one sentence you expose the truth behind the façade that because one is an athlete they are super healthy. Statistics show that athletes have higher rates of illness and disease later in life. One cannot disregard and abuse the body for so long without consequences and all for what? A fleeting moment of elation before the lovelessness and sadness kicks in.
I’ve observed exactly what you share with us Anne. So many sporting professionals training hard, living in complete disregard and, abusing their bodies constantly compounding heavily on the body structures and so overriding the bodies natural healthy rhythms. The ‘consequence’ is retiring early and having a body that needs replacements and operations.(often headlined in the news) How does that make them feel? Those ‘fleeting moments of elation’ seem very short to the rest of your life!
Stephen It is great to hear that you managed to get of the wheel or should I say wheels! I am not a sports person of any kind and didn’t like competition of that nature. It sounds like so much pressure on yourself, and as you said competing against yourself for personal best. When we learn to self nurture and Love ourselves that is when we truly listen to our bodies and what pressure and pain we inflict it with. Congratulations on your personal goal !
It feels very much that the healing begins when we question ourselves as you did in your sport Stephen.’ Why am I doing this’? Then to feel all that in the body after each and every sporting event, also from the build up, preparation and continuous compounding with heavy training schedules. As we know the body never lies. Amazing the complete turnaround as you now honour what you feel in your body.
The way you write is just beautiful to read Stephen, I was with you all the way through your race through to feeling your devastation at what you had done. This is something that if honest, all sports competitors would relate to, because when the rush is over and you are left with your body and what you have done – and you can’t deny what you feel. It is a blessing that you had nothing or no one to distract you that night from just being with you for it lay the foundation for what you have since chosen… to honour and respect your body’s limits and feel amazing without leaving it behind to compete.
What a crazy world we live in where we have been brought up to do better than the previous generation and make the world a better place to be, is it for recognition or fortune? Why do we believe we are not good enough?
There is a better way to find ourselves. That is to connect to our bodies and focus on how amazing we are not on how much we can do.
Such a great blog to expose the false beliefs we have about exercise and fitness – when living in this way ignores and disregards our own body. These are propped up by the belief that exercising or achieving results will bring us satisfaction, reward and recognition but as this blog so powerfully points out, this offers us nothing compared to the quality of connection and purpose that come when we honor and listen to our body.
Yes absolutely true and well highlighted ‘ nothing is so powerful compared to the quality of connection and purpose that come when we honour and listen to our body’ . It might at first seem quite a bit odd, but when we are more in stillness(connection with your breath and body) we seem to be much more aware of the feelings that arise in us and so to act on them, expressing them, honoring them, choosing to listen to these signals and feelings (for example nausea).
Stephen this is a great exposing of the emptiness and harm of competitive sport. Finish a race and you are already pushing your body towards the next and the next, competing against others but particularly yourself. Our body gives us clear messages of aches and pain that we should not use it as a machine but treat our body with respect, consideration and self-love and it will serve us well and a pleasure to be in.
It’s great, disturbing but revealing to have the depth of the intensity of the pain of just one sporting event written about… And to understand how it really is, is the antithesis of what we are meant to be doing with our bodies. Thank you Stephen.
Thanks for this great blog Stephen.
I really relate to what you are saying – but for me rather than sport – it was being a musician that I pushed so hard in. But I know that feeling of being willing to push so hard, to out everything aside and strive to achieve being the best, to be better than everyone – to go to the extremes of what I can do to prove myself.
Ultimately it only ever left me feeling empty ad each ‘peak’ I conquered – left me sitting in the dressing room, a little lost and unsure, and feeling a little flat as it never managed to fill the hole of not simply loving who I was – as opposed to what I did.
From empty and sad to self-caring and feeling amazing; what an awesome transformation Stephen.
Thank you for your honesty, insight and for sharing your wisdom.
Wow Stephen this is a very important and honest blog. Amazing how you started to question why you were putting yourself through all that and when was it going to end. You realized this endless pursuit came from an emptiness and that being with yourself is more fulfilling than anything else you can engage in. You starting to listen to your body and going against what society was telling you is your greatest achievement ever.
I love the honesty in this blog… it is rare especially in the world of sport… “Feelings of emptiness arise that grip me, then slowly… tears roll down my cheeks, and an almost desolate feeling takes over” and then to come to a place of deeply appreciating the tears and sadness is truly awesome. It reminds me that when uncomfortable feelings arise within my body to appreciate and observe them knowing that it is my bodies way of speaking to me, asking to go deeper to another level of healing. Thank you Stephen for sharing your story.
Wow Steven you have accurately described the futileness of competition in all its stages.
The punishing training. Leaving no room for a balanced life, giving it all up to beat someone.
The competition itself. There is always someone better.
The feeling when it’s over. What do I do now…?
The feeling of emptiness. Exposes the trick you played on yourself during training that you would get recognition.
There is inevitably resentment toward others we compete with, even in the same team. Competition is about separating yourself from others, and that’s not natural. For me the harsh training was never sustainable, I would either get physical injuries that set me back, or I would get the flu from adrenal fatigue.
Universal Medicine has suggested another way and it sure works for me, it feels natural.
I love the word ‘futile’ Bernard. It describes very clearly the real outcome of competitiveness.
In sport where there are winners who are exalted and rewarded there are also losers who are made to feel less. There is no joy in a sport like this for anyone and as Steven has shown even in winning the glory and feel good factor is short lived. What happened to playing sport and having fun!
What I am noticing more these days is the combination of intense sport, be that 100km walks in a weekend, or long bicycle rides with raising funds for charity. I see people championing their particular event which is gruelling to say the least as being justified because they are raising money for others. It feels like they know the sport is going to be exhausting and so to make it make sense, they say they are doing it for others. If a recipient of charitable money was asked, I doubt they would actually want another to perform in such a way that puts enormous pressure and pain on their body, but somehow we all allow this. It’s like we’ve gone one step further into an illusion that intense sport is beneficial for all.
This is a great point that you share here Suzanne that those recipients of the raised funds would they really want others taking part in those sometimes quite exhaustive events. Again it is the intense overriding of pain and that determination ‘to get there’ that pushes everything else out of the equation.
Great Blog Stephen, the feeling of utter emptiness you write about after your competition is a huge wake up call for all of us, as we believe that to be in a competitive environment makes you stronger and more of a man but as you have now shown men are tender and feel just like women do, so we should always listen and honour what our bodies tell us.
It is incredible how we buy into these concepts that is so against what is good for us. Like the extreme sports you described Stehpen, There was no part of that cycling lifestyle that was enjoyable or for-filling for you body or soul, before, during and after the event.
Its that time of year again when a well known cycle race is happening in France. How do I know because the amount of cyclists on the roads has doubled and I’m sitting behind them patiently waiting to overtake them on my car journey. Their bodies arched and bent over, pumping muscles under so much pressure – strained and taut. The concentration so focused on pushing to get there. Is it to win or get noticed for being the best or just to prove to themselves that they can do it?. This constant pounding on their bodies. Having been competitive myself in the past – that with the strain comes pain then either feeling deflated or elated. Now realising that with all that pushing to perform the body never forgets and the pain and strain shows up later in life. As you share Stephen “that there is another way to be that respects” my own body. No more hiding in what I can achieve/do physically. Thank you Stephen.
I’ve often thought that if cyclists were really riding for exercise and to strengthen their bodies, they would chose riding clothes that created the most drag / resistance instead of the tight fitting lycra they are known for wearing! Clearly there are many other reasons people are exercising / partaking in sport that have nothing to do with supporting the body.
I love your honesty here Stephen. To be willing to stop and feel the truth of why you were exercising is beautiful and to find a way to exercise that is honouring of you and respectful of others is something that is so worth sharing. ‘There is another way to be that respects your own body and doesn’t rely on outdoing others or being faster or fitter or stronger to feel amazing.’
I’ve been speaking with a few friends this week who were telling me about various marathons or long hikes they had completed and how great it felt but how sore they were.
That made me think of my own history with exercise and how, like you Stephen, I was determined to push through and complete whatever it was at the sacrifice of my own body.
Some would call it strong-willed but if the body is not willing, and only the mind is, then how is it truly strong-willed?
It seems as though sometimes we let our mind make the decisions of what our bodies need based on a picture we have in our heads and not the reality of where our bodies are at. That to me is dishonest, and something I have started to look at recently after an amazing presentation by Simone Benhayon. Perhaps we let the ‘ideals’ where we want to be, seem more important than being honest about where our body actually is. And perhaps that holds us back being all that we are right now.
Stephen, this is a great exposing of the ideals and beliefs around sport, fitness and competition. I love how you share that at your peak you could not actually be considered fit and vital because you were always hungry, anxious and moody. In honouring our bodies we can never pursue this level of exercise nor choose to compete with others. Thank you.
This week at my child’s sports day, they held a sprint race for the parents. One of the women was out fast, leading the pack, then she stacked, legs and arms everywhere. Everyone went sailing past her as she got up and continued racing. She made the finish line last and was then congratulated by everyone, the school announcing on the loudspeaker how resilient she was.
I was gobsmacked that this behaviour is what we champion; but then I felt that I have played into the same card for most of my life too, pushing myself until and even if I hurt, in the aim to beat my personal best or compete against others to be the best. I have come to understand that that simply isn’t a quality that we hold naturally inside of us and that in fact striving to be better causes more harm than imaginable to the whole of the human race, as our natural qualities of living together in harmony and as a cohesive group are shot down and buried deep.
Thanks for the insight into competitive sports Stephen. I find it amazing that we can develop a mindset in these sports in which we ‘compete’ against ourselves, ” I’m in a sporting contest with myself, the ultimate competition.” The competitors override what their bodies are telling them to such an extent that sometimes they struggle to walk over the finish line, and for what benefit? A brief moment of satisfaction before the emptiness and sadness fills them again.
It’s wonderful Stephen that you now listen to your body and accept and honour what it’s telling you.
“I’m in a sporting competition with myself, the ultimate contest.” Because of this, we are insatiable. There is not enough. We want more. We never stop because we discover that we do not want to feel the emptiness that we are trying so hard to run away from. So, new mission, new project in life is living is a big race itself.
Eduardo I can relate to you saying “I’m in a sporting competition with myself”- I definitely used to be before having children, in my late 20’s. In seeking attention, approval and recognition I trekked in Nepal on 3 separate occasions.
Each time it was a competition with myself to go further, reach the highest peak no matter how my body felt.
I was driven and felt euphoric.
Despite getting mild altitude sickness, losing 7 kg, feeling exhausted with aching muscles post trek, and feeling an emptiness within, I still went back for more. I remember at the end of the trek feeling at a low point; so to not honour it I ate more and walked at least 2-4 hrs around the town on our days off.
But you nailed it for me Eduardo- I didn’t want to feel the emptiness, and I was trying so hard to run away form this.
How absolutely true Jaime. Great point. Team sports are in fact a totally ‘pretend’ version of co-operation, working together and brotherhood, just to fool us that we’ve got that. But it is not the real deal at all.
I went from solo sports and competition to team sports because I felt that same sadness and emptiness, truth is I felt more competition in the team sport then solo, team sports bringing people together it is very much an illusion, you only need to look at the abuse and violence on and off the field
So much in this blog I relate to as I have been very sporty. The point about how it’s beautiful to feel the tears and sadness – this indicates to me a very deep awareness – not only being very connected and accepting what our bodies are truly telling us about competition in this case, but also seeing the truth in our bodies as beautiful, even if not pleasant. It is very beautiful to feel a sadness which is our body saying, “what you just did took you massively away from me. It allowed you to abuse me and the physical pain was hurtful but also the fact that you abandoned me and that deeply hurts”. The beauty of this is in the coming back and acknowledging, is this really how I want to live? Thank you Stephen, how deeply sensitive and tender we truly are!
“…what you just did took you massively away from me. It allowed you to abuse me and the physical pain was hurtful but also the fact that you abandoned me, that deeply hurts…” This is so clear Simon, when you take the angle from our bodies’, and what it would feel, it cannot be argued with. So many would not have even thought of this, so you putting it simply like this is a great opportunity.
Yes Monica, it simply doesn’t make sense, as you write so wisely, that we as a society consider that: “that over-eating to the point of obesity is not healthy and yet when someone exercises to the level you describe we consider them healthy”. For athletes to not even consider the damage being done to their bodies in the pursuit to claim that “empty trophy, shows how dis-connected they actually are from their bodies, and that they are just using the sport and the drive to win to fill an ache or an emptiness that they don’t even know that they are carrying.
Thank you for sharing your life experience with sports Stephen, I can feel that you have come a long way from how you once lived. It is truly sad that so many of us put ourselves through that in the name of…. what? Now knowing that it is actually harmful for the body, not ‘healthy’, it doesn’t make sense.
Competition per ce is the antithesis of what being a human BEING is truly about, and this is such a paradigm shift that would seem in this age, absolutely impossible, and yet, with the connection to the inner heart as presented by Universal Medicine, this quantum leap is literally a breath away.
Thanks Chris for telling it like it is. The gentle breath meditation as I have experienced it, presented by universal medicine is amazingly powerful as it allowed me a space to feel the unnatural hardness in my body that a competitive way of being contributed to, then allowed me to feel a great tenderness return when I connected more deeply to myself. Of course when competitive, you are very focussed on the competitor and not yourself -you are ‘taken’ outside ourself. This is the antithesis of true connection, which does not mean being totally absorbed in self, but finding a balance.
I can remember a time that I couldn’t sit and stop of a weekend until I had really used my body to an extreme level. I grew-up playing soccer and was very good at it; all those freezing mornings slogging-it-out in the mud during those wintery Tasmanian games. Going for it and the glam of scoring a goal in front of my family and friends. It wasn’t until I had exhausted myself and couldn’t feel my toes from the cold that getting in a hot shower and then dressing warmly and putting my feet-up felt justified. How things have changed, for I do this every day, just because it’s lovely – that’s the way it should be..
Competition goes against equality – yet we say that equality is one of the most important values in our world. Pushing yourself goes against self love, yet we say that loving yourself is one of the most important things to do for yourself.
I agree Marianna, I recently had a conversation with someone about soccer and the idea we have taken on that sport creates brotherhood. How could this be possible if we stand opposite each other and with i.e. big soccer games we even physically fight each other? This is not and never will be brotherhood. This can only be if we all work towards the one goal that benefits everyone equally so.
This story you have shared Steven needs to be shared with so many, for the idea and belief that’s held about competitive sport being something to strive to is nothing less than damaging and divisive to ourselves and to each other. As you say so beautifully, when society keeps telling us that what we feel within us is not true we start to doubt ourselves and seek all sorts of rewards from outside of us. Competitive sport can be a huge reward but it leaves us with bodies that are hardened and in pain and a being that needs to believe it’s a cut above the rest. We lose the true joy that can be had in sport, in letting our bodies express without the competitiveness that’s not natural to us. Exercising our bodies can be and should be joyful and revitalising — not pushing us to be hard but opening us more to feel vital, alive and energised and the tender beings that we naturally are.
Hello Stephen, ah the thrill of competition. Not really, I never really liked sports but yet I was really good at most sports. I never really liked training but yet I was one of the most dedicated and hardest trainers there was. I never really liked running but I would out run everyone around me. For me it brings tears to my eyes in the feeling that no longer do I have to compete, I hated the feeling but I thought that is just what men did. I have learnt much about my body and what really is going on thanks to the presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. I still train my body consistently, I still go to the gym etc but it is just the way and the reason I train is different. I do it to feel my body and not punish it or for it to compete. As I said, I never liked competition as it didn’t make sense, lose you feel bad, win you felt ‘up’ for a minute but then anxious because you would have to compete again to stay on top. It was a never ending feeling of having to do something in order to be something. I won’t compete anymore because in fact I never liked it and never looked forward to it. Thanks Stephen.
Thanks Ray, the never ending cycle of competing is rarely mentioned about Sport as it breaks the illusion of sport being fun. As you say, lose and you feel crushed, win and the anxiousness comes to keep winning. In all this the real loser is our bodies which we overtrain to get results. Great to read your sharing and how you train now.
Well said Stephen, the way you describe it actually makes me think of a casino and how people are hooked and just keep going. Only here we think we actually can influence our ‘luck’ by how hard we train and how much blood, sweat and tears are spilled.
A lot of people could save them selves a lot of pain and misery if they read and understood this blog, this line is so true; You can’t be healthy if you are constantly tired, always hungry, with swinging moods and anxious about fitting in more training.
Stephen, your article has shown me again that you don’t have to be in competitive sports to push oneself beyond one’s limit. How clearly you have shown, how I have just pushed ahead despite my body giving me clear messages to slow down and come back to myself.
Stephen this is such a great and honest post about the abuse and emptiness of competition versus the love and fullness of oneself, and the difference in the body. In other words, super-fitness versus vitality and having that ease with oneself as opposed the pushed tension of rigorous training schedules. I’ve often found or come across many Founders of businesses, or highly ambitious people in their profession, are also very often entwined with competitive, or even extreme sports.. and run their businesses or careers this way with constriction a tightly held or toned body, and that this often matches a constriction within their management style. The way we treat our body, is the way we treat another.
If ever you wanted to see how much harm there is in pushing your body to the extremes to challenge not only others but also yourself – then this is the proof so honestly and uncomfortably expressed. Great revelations – thank you Stephen.
I agree Michael, there are great revelations in this blog. it completely lifts the lid on our perceptions of extreme sport and the “health” aspect we have been taught to believe is there as a result. How many athletes punish their bodies in order to succeed and feel the same level of emptiness afterwards, (which fuels seeking the next round of competition to fill the void) ?
Thanks Stephen for a pretty honest account of the harm of competitive and rigourous physical activity.
I have not or ever been a sports person, but that doesn’t mean that life is with out its completions for the best job or degree or house or whatever. Life as in sports reminds of the guy that recently sky dived from that balloon that technically was outer space… what do you do to top that? All the hard years working or your way to the top, literally in this case and now what? In competition there is only one winner and everyone else is less. If we are all equal why would we do that to others?
thanks Stephen – I enjoyed your blog and was intrigued by it also. It offers a different perspective as I thought that many people used sport to avoid and distract from the feelings of emptiness ( yet as you have shown it does not do that) rather than using it in pursuit of the feelings of emptiness??
Such a set up to stake one against another for a trophy at the end! We call it sport, entertainment, healthy, fitness, competition and we glorify it as we watch the participants slog it out rendering their bodies into exhaustion and pain.
Where’s the common sense … we loose it when we decide to go into competition even with ourselves.
We loose our sense of self which allows the overriding and the abuse follows , it’s so common.
Thank you Stephen for offering us a look into what sports and competition can do to the body if not done with true love, honesty and responsibility.
When I look back at the things I’ve done in my life to numb the pain of my feelings I’m often shocked, sometimes pushing my body to the limit in a way that had complete disregard. It’s lovely to start to connect and honour my body and listen to what it’s telling me. Thank you Stephen for sharing you awesome insights.
Stephen, your blog shows why so many ‘successful’ athletes, football players, swimmers etc are later found to have been taking some kind of drug either to enhance their performance or numb the emptiness they feel after the big moment. Also by pushing their bodies to such extreme they become exhausted which is likely to lead to deep depression. We can easily see how hard the competitive sport is for those who lose but your blog shows how hard it is also on those who ‘win’
Yes Susan, and I would say the behind the scenes picture of sport and its effects is most damaging. The glamourised image of sport doesn’t show the pain, suffering, emotional instability and the tantrums that make up top level sport. You only have to look at the behaviour of a tennis player or footballer to see that the moral compass is extremely skewed and that sport does not build character but deforms it. Sport relies on something out-with your control to determine your mood, I can’t now see how that can ever be healthy.
Such a great insight Sandra. There no real winners in competition, just one side or person who can have a temporary elation before they’re in the ‘loser’s seat again’. How can there be true joy when the end goal is to quash another human being?
Your graphic descriptions are very moving Stephen. While I can understand the pleasure of feeling the movement of one’s limbs in bodily coordination while running or cycling, I find it difficult to understand when there is a sort of adversarial relationship between the body and the driving spirit, to the inevitable point where something has to give or break. When money is brought into the equation, everything becomes even more brutal and destructive.
Combine this with the belief that being first is everything and that coming second is nowhere, and you have a rather bleak picture of sport.
There was a time when I used to go camping, with all of my equipment in a backpack on my back. The tent, sleeping bag, cooking equipment, food, clothing, everything. And I would walk across country and along the cliffs until dark or the next campsite. Sometimes setting up just in the woods. There was no competition here, just my own personal sense of drive. most times after setting up camp i would rest for a day or so, completely unable to move. Then pack it all up again to start again. I thought I was free. I thought I was exploring the countryside and living an independent life, not reliant on anyone. But the physical stress of each day walking with that pack on, was not like a freedom at all, it was more of a self made prison because I could not feel how lovely I am, how delicate my body naturally is, and all the self abusive thoughts that would run through my head were not supportive. I know now that I deserve so much more. I still love to be with nature, but not ever at the expense of my body.
Beautifully written Shami!
This is a blog in itself – about the illusory nature of thinking that trekking and camping is about freedom.
“There is another way to be that respects your own body and doesn’t rely on outdoing others or being faster or fitter or stronger to feel amazing.” This is so true Stephen I can’t wait for the day we see this attitude in every exercise activity.
So true Mary. The focus is always on the elation shown by the few and little is seen of the pain and suffering that they go through to get a short lived high. Not to mention the people who did not achieve what they thought would give them what ever it is they are seeking. For some, this is devastating. And not just the athlete. Family and friends and sometimes a town or a country, who have invested so much in their champion, and who also feel the sadness and emptiness of competition are also pulled into the whirlpool.
This is a brilliant article exposing the harm of competitive sport, whether competing against others or yourself. Your sentence “My body cannot hide how I truly feel after a sports competition – empty and sad” made me realize how much misery, emptiness and sadness is involved with major sporting events. The Olympics is not a place of pleasure but a whirlpool of emptiness and sadness.
How amazing to honour what you felt within, yes you over rode it for a while but you felt it and you learnt to honour it. “I don’t need to outdo others to feel amazing: now I know if a feeling comes from within my body it is always true and that it’s infinitely self-caring to respect it.” This is something that is valuable to share and this blog and your experience offers this to the world – Thank you.
Reading what you shared Matthew sparked this question in me this morning. Life used to feel like a race to me, having to get this and that done in a set time. A race against time! Then it felt why the hurry, what are we racing for or too? We set our goals whether we achieve them or not also, the feeling of failing because those set goals did not get completed in a set time frame. A feeling of being let down – letting self down. The very same feeling when at school and I lost the race I was taking part in. Being in competition with ourselves. Interesting point to ponder.
I read this article and while realised that I could say pretty much exactly the same thing as a musician – instead of an athlete.
Always pushing and struggling more and more – pushing myself to the limit, training for hours and hours, touring for months and months at a time, everything else being pushed aside to seek the elation of the final goal. Always seeking the net big gig, the next song, the next crowd. What is it about us that is always looking to make us feel good from OUTSIDE sources. Why don’t we just sit and enjoy playing music. Why can’t we just go for a simple bike ride. Why do we need to be “better than” everyone? Why do we need to be “better than” anyone?
Great article Steve.
Stephen, what a change you have made. This is lovely to read. I love how you said ” I’m in a sporting competition with myself, the ultimate contest.” I have always said that I am not a competitive person at all and really believed that. However I have always been in competition with myself. I used to do three hours training a day and if I missed it or didn’t achieve the full three hours I was not as good as I was the day before and always aimed to do more distance than the day before as that was ‘better’
A quote from a recent article in the Times (UK).
“Pushy, abusive parents are turning children as young as eight off sport, according to a poll by Marylebone Cricket Club (MCC) and the Chance to Shine charity. Youngsters report being told they are ‘too heavy’, ‘lazy to run’ or have made a ‘pathetic mistake’ by mums and dads who are highly critical of their performance on the playing field”.
Where’s the love in that?
Thank you Stephen for sharing a different relationship we can have with exercise and encourage in others.
In reality, the only race I want to run is the race to be more of me, every day and ever so gently. Not a race as such to beat myself, but to catch up with what I know exists within, then walk with that, hand in hand.
Hi Joseph, thank you for this great blog. I feel competition as being on a mouse wheel, the desire to get somewhere and once that box is ticked we just look for the next box. It really doesn’t do anything for anybody. I recall watching a primary school cross country race and the elation of the parents whose children ran a place (let’s say three children), and the accolades those children received, whilst the rest of the children (maybe about 100 or so) just finished, no elation, no accolades – they “failed”. Then and there I could feel the damage that competition does. Those first few needed all of the others to be in the race, to even get their places.
I’m sure what you share Stephen about competitive drive is shared by many sports competitors the world over, but rarely openly expressed. We now live in a world where, in addition to sport, many creative activities have been reduced to competition: cooking, dancing, playing music, gardening, sewing, decorating our homes, sharing a meal with others, hair styling. All competitive activity is a form of distraction from ourselves.
I have to say one of the main reasons I am drawn to this blog is the photograph of the guy on the exercise machine. Every time I see it, it really makes me smile as there is so much joy in that fella and it brings out the joy in me. Great photo and an awesome capture by the photographer
I am hearing it more and more lately, about the concept of being fit. It seems in gyms and with trainers they are all geared up to push you more and more in the name of getting fit. Why do we need this level of fitness for in the average persons day to day life. People continue to kid themselves that this is what brings health and fitness.
I agree Christine. There are articles about this where people are ending up in hospital with a condition called Rhabdomyolyisis, which is the destruction of muscle cells. It is very serious and the consequences of trying to be super fit can be quite physically harmful and affect more than the muscle tissue that is damaged. It is crazy what we do to our body.
The absolute hardness I could feel in other men while playing rugby was disturbing to me. Leading up to the game and during it I could feel the fact that it was going to hurt, and so I needed to toughen up to take the tackles, a feeling of it being ‘life threatening’. It was a very uncomfortable feeling, one that never changed no matter how ‘good’ I learned the game. I can remember thinking to myself ‘how can other men be so mean’ because most of the time they did actually want to hurt each other to dominate and win the game.
I have noticed lately there seems to be a trend in hard impact intense sports and energy drinks. This in itself is really alarming as these energy drinks I feel can be seriously harming. Advertising of these drinks go hand in hand with glamourising extreme sports which is all designed to hook you in. It feels so empty to me.
Stephen what really stands out for me is that it feels like nobody benefited from your time spent in sport, especially not you, however we are all benefitting now from you just being you, including of course you. What is the true benefit to ourselves or others when we are seeking ourselves through anything that is outside of us ?
What a great revelation Alexis, it stings a bit to feel that I was involved in something that was so detrimental to my wellbeing and to the relationships I built with others, yet now I get to feel what the difference is, and allow for a version of me to be on show that the world does want to feel.
“… and allow for a version of me to be on show that the world does want to feel” – this is beautiful… humbly expressed and I agree how Stephen is today making a difference in the world offering many, many people another way of being.
This is a great point Alexis and so true. We are fooled when we think that training and pushing our bodies to the point where it hurts is healthy…. how does anyone benefit from this? Do I enjoy watching another put themselves through pain? However, when another chooses connection with themselves, honouring their body first and foremost they are a joy to be around.
“Being with myself is more fulfilling than any race or sports competition and from that being, my potential living feels limit-less.”. What a beautiful way of expressing how glorious it is to be with oneself.
I can very much relate to your experience of sport. For me, I played a lot of team sports, and if I won something like a grand final (let us say the pinnacle for me as an athlete), the elation never lasted long, and there was then a period that sometimes lasted days (or weeks if it was the end of the season), where I was left feeling empty, lost, depressed. My family called it “let down syndrome”, but in truth it was the emptiness of not knowing myself when there was not something to drive myself towards or complete. I am sure many other athletes experience the same thing, and it goes to show that achievements are ephemeral in nature at best, and if we use them to value our worth and identity, then we are always going to be stuck like a hamster in a wheel, continually re-creating goals for ourselves in a desperate attempt to hold onto a form of being that in truth is not sustainable or real.
I could never understand the punishment of athletes pushing their bodies to extreme performance and doing all that solitary training. Or when sport persons are held in such esteem as role models enticing others to also train to get that muscular hard body. I feel so relieved that you have exposed and expressed the emptiness of competitive sport and now live a full healthy life.
Hi Stephen, I thought I had managed to get rid of any sense of needing to compete in sport a long time ago but was amazed yesterday when I felt it creep in again when I went for a swim. I felt very connected within my body, enjoying the rhythm of my breath and the strokes through the water when I noticed a man swimming just ahead of me on the left. Before I realised it, I had set myself the challenge of passing him by the time we reached the end of the pool. I did pass him just before I reached the pool wall and felt quite chuffed. Or did I? Any sense of achievement quickly evaporated as I realised what I had done. I was out of breath, my body felt hard, I had lost my lovely connection to my body and I had alienated myself from the man by seeing him as someone I had to beat. Wow! I realised how easy it can be to slip back into old patterns of competitiveness and how the only way I can stop this happening is by staying connected with me and by exercising from that connection. Exercise = loving commitment that avoids competing.
Great comment Jane, in the past I have countless times raced people in the pool, trying to lap them or beat them down in some way. Where does this need to better another come from? For me it was a lack of self worth that I would need to outdo another, some kind of validation of my worth through doing a task and measuring myself against someone else. When I stop and consider this I see no value in being this way. In swimming today I noticed that I needed a faster speed to be more supportive of my body, yet if I had been racing someone I would never be able to find the correct tempo for me as I would be swept up in the momentum of competing and would lose the benefit to be gained from just enjoying feeling my body swim.
Well said Jane. Its quite a trick isn’t it Stephen G that when you beat someone else you get the reassurance of being better than or faster than another. This means you are not last and thus exposes the entire problem with competition, someone always has to be last
Stephen, what you expose here is huge in that we can use competitive sport, or any sport and competition really to numb us from feeling what is really going on in our body. It gives us temporary relief from feeling as there is a strong focus of the mind that over rides the body. If we were to listen to our body, there is no way we would push through something like a marathon. The body speaks loud and clear, it is a matter of choosing to listen to it.
Wow Stephen – thank you for your powerful blog. Your transformation is so inspiring. You have so offered great insight and wisdom through your openness and honesty to how we can drive ourselves with sport, drive ourselves away from feeling what is truly going on within. A way in which there really are no winners. I love how you have said – ‘There is another way to be that respects your own body and doesn’t rely on outdoing others or being faster or fitter or stronger to feel amazing.’
Wow Stephen this is a great sharing of your personal experience from pushing your body into the depths of what sounds like despair and then turning the pushing into a deep respect and loving care. So beautiful to read your experience and how this all changed for you.
Often the measure of fitness and health is gauged by how much pressure we can put on our bodies. This actually makes little sense as in the extremes it harms the body. It seems that your feeling of this harm was possibly where the sadness arrived and the change began. An awesome revelation Stephen.
I’ve just realised why I was always anti exercising and didn’t want to touch it with a barge pole, because I could feel innately that competition, push and placing stress on the body didn’t feel right. Plus the fact that it really hurt my body! So I threw the baby out with the bath water and didn’t exercise at all. Recently I have been introduced to a gentle way of exercising and my body feels amazing from it.. my whole attitude to exercise has changed. Rather than being something I ‘should’ do I now love it. Consequently I have allowed more room and space to include it in my life.
Thank you Stephen, this is a great insight into how one can actually feel after doing something a lot of people consider being a good thing.
This reminds me of my sporting days where I just went along with the pack to fit in and feel good about myself. Your story really makes me realise how much you can never be satisfied or content unless it comes from within yourself first. I no longer play sport and I am feeling the best I have ever felt.
I played competitive sports in high school and can recognise now it had little to do with being healthy and everything to do with being identified and accepted. There is something remarkably powerful about the way you present the truth of your experience here Stephen. It puts a big dent in the commonly held but erroneous belief that training hard and competitive sport is good for you and that super athletes are healthy.
It is so true Stephen, being with ourselves is more fulfilling than any race or sports competition, and the potential of us within that, feels limit-less.
Thank you for your openness Stephen of how bankrupt competition can leave its participants, especially in a world which invests so much both monetarily and emotionally in sport
I agree Kathie – when I hear how much is spent on building the olympic stadiums I am astounded – billions of pounds spent on a building that gets used once, rather than being given to people who need food on their plates and a roof over their heads – and all in the name of sport, which gives back nothing to the community except a few hours of entertainment and increases the gaps between countries and people.
“now I know if a feeling comes from within my body it is always true and that it’s infinitely self-caring to respect it.” This and “Being with myself is more fulfilling than any race or sports competition and from that being, my potential living feels limit-less.” Just pure gold.
The world would be a highly stupendous place if we could all get over ourselves and the need to outdo another, whether it be sport, business or who has the best material things.
It occurs to me now, that this pursuit for achievement can actually come in many forms, such as simply working too hard, or perhaps in eating too much. And that to recognise the driving force behind such actions is part of the way towards releasing them from our patterns of behaviour that continually push us forward in to ever increasing stages of separation away from genuine care for the bodies we live in.
Thank you Stephen for expressing to the world what you came to feel by your involvement and pursuit of ‘competitive sport’ and how deeply harming it was to be involved. The sharing of your very personal truth is a beautiful revelation of how sport truly is and how it can fully own us if we fail to listen to what the entire body is constantly communicating.
This is brilliantly expressed Andrew, it does indeed “fully own us” what a great description of the hold that sport has over so many. I was completely absorbed in sport as a way to distract myself from my life and how I was truly feeling. This is always so well hidden by the belief that sport is good for us and competition makes us more of a man!
Thank you Stephen and Andrew, not so long ago I too was completely absorbed by exercise, ‘thinking’ I was on the right track but actually ‘feeling’ out of sorts with it and constantly overriding what my body was telling me. It is so lovely now to have a relationship with exercise which honours my body. So entrenched were my beliefs around exercise it has taken quite a while to reach this point and I feel this is still a work in progress, but one so worth taking.
How hard is it on our bodies and us to push beyond what is needed to live?
This is so true Joshua
Classic isn’t it that we put ourselves in to groups, we buy fancy shoes and bikes and we race ourselves until we can barely stand. It makes no sense – as a friend once pointed out – no sense is really nonsense. So why do we pursue pursuits that champion one over another – why do we feel it is okay to deeply harm the body and live in exhaustion?
Is it possible that we are actually attempting to fill ourselves up so we do not have to feel the pain of the emptiness from not being met when we were young, or because we suffered at school in an education system that only rewards doing and recalling? Is it possible that we missed the love we could feel in our bodies – the love that we were trained to subvert and hide deeply away because no one around us was able to cope with the love that you were, shining, because they actually buried it too.
And if this makes any sense then let me know because as I read and feel the words all spelled out here is the constant chasing down of recognition and approval, of chasing away the empty feelings is just a road to more of the same. We are love and we need to grasp that we have to live love to be love in full.
Yes Lee, this makes perfect sense! I love how you write, “no sense is nonsense”! You have explained so well the things we do as humans to numb or dull our hurts that we don’t want to deal with… so end up hurting our bodies instead. We seem to have been historically slow in realising that “we are love and have to live it to be love in full”… to be anything less than that seems to be the cause of our all our problems!
To have found this within yourself and to be able to beautifully claim it as you have in the following sentence Stephen is truly a victory! “Being with myself is more fulfilling than any race or sports competition and from that being my potential living feels limit-less”. Thank you of sharing Stephen.
There are 2 points that I can really relate to in this vivid description of competitive sport. The first is “but I reassure myself with being faster than most” and secondly ” I am in a sporting contest with myself, the ultimate challenge”. Many times in my past, and not just in sport, I have propped myself up when I have convinced myself that I was not good enough, but I could always say that I was better than most. Mr better than average. It had to be just better than average. I can recall saying this to myself about being a father, my work and many other areas of my everyday life. It allowed me to be comfortable with whom I thought i was. A very uncomfortable way of living. A sporting contest with myself now that is a contest I am also very familiar with. Again this was not restricted to sport but every part of my life. I judged myself on everything I did or said. It was a contest designed to gain recognition, even if that recognition came from me. I can look back now and clearly see all of this and how complicated my life was. I used to think I lead a simple life! Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have shown me that there is another way of living. I now live a life where I recognize that these complications are not needed or wanted. Whilst I am not rid of these complications, I now live a life where I can say, oh hello what are you doing here, when I have allowed this energy in. They no longer run my life. I am not in constant competition with me or anyone else. I am not judging myself all of the time. I am much more accepting of who I am and understand that whilst this is something I need to be constantly working on, I can live my life feeling the love that I am and not be thinking about the love that I want.
What a great sharing Stephen. I wasn’t hugely into sports, although I did play some tennis for a while and realized that when I did go into seeking recognition and wanting to win, it really exhausted my body. Your sharing also took me back to my children’s school sport days and a particular sport that their school did which was rowing. One of my children participated and would share with me what they and other friends had to do and it was an extremely harsh training that they were asked to do to prepare for the Annual Regatta. It was common practice apparently to vomit after they did a really hard training session. My reaction was, that doesn’t seem like a good thing for the body, and why would you want to do that? Their response was, that’s what you have to do when you train really hard, it just happens and it’s no big deal. It really showed how when we want something so badly, we are willing to push and abuse the very vehicle that is giving us what we so desperately want, but then what we end up with is a body that has to somehow repair the damage done. It doesn’t make sense.
Sport and excessive sport is absolutely a means to check out and to harden the body. Sport is numbing the sensitivity we naturally have. Sport is bringing disharmony into the body and our muscles and increases the tension in our body.
An absolute Victory Stephen to have trained so hard and come out more of a winner for leaving that gruelling push behind you is nothing short of exceptional. Your story you’ve shared is an inspiration thank you.
I agree. This is an amazing victory! To leave the push behind.
Well spotted and beautifully said Giselle, defeating our internal and external need for competition is indeed our true victory.
A great point here mentioned Gill – seeing those events when so much effort, pain, sweat and tears has gone into getting fit to participate/perform in these pressurised events and to come away with disappointment and a feeling of failure must be immense.
“I’m in a sporting competition with myself, the ultimate contest.”
It’s so ludicrous when I see that this is all it boils down to.
How we herald sport and competition and continue to push our body and muffle the great wisdom that it imparts.
Thank-you for sharing this great insight, we have a long way to go but this is unquestionably the truth we will all eventually come to.
Stephen I love what you share, simply we can not push ourselves in the name of competition as the effects it has on our bodies can be disastrous. If we feel we need to beat anyone in anyway we first need to look at our own self esteem and why we feel the need to be better, as anyone who truly loves humanity could never want to ‘win’ over another.
I played competitive tennis from about seven years of age until I was fifteen. I needed to win every match as this was how I got recognised by my father particularly and would break down in tears if I did not win. I gave it away at fifteen as I realised that I did not even enjoy playing tennis. This competitive nature, which was so strong in me, has taken me years of work with Universal Medicine for me to let go of and be replaced with loving myself so as to not need the recognition from others. Thank you so much Serge Benhayon it is such a relief to not have to prove to the world that you are worthy of love. I now know this myself.
Absolutely Elaine – I can so relate to what you are saying. We are so imbued with the ethos of competition for so many years and used it for false glory and to keep ourselves safe and recognised that it can still insidiously be there to pop up in odd moments – even when we know how damaging it is as a consciousness! Only the full healing from the love of the Soul clear sit
“Pushing, pushing, pushing will bring me the rewards I seek” This can apply to so many areas of our lives – working hard, whether as an employee, boss or volunteer – everything we do where we push ourselves to finish, complete, compete, attain, dominate – puts a tension into our bodies that is not natural. Trying to fill the emptiness with activity doesn’t work. Being still (calm) and bringing that stillness into everything we do is a great way to be. Work in progress for me – I used to be very driven, on this committee or that, but only ended up burnt out. Now, putting my health and well-being first leaves me with more energy to do these things in a less driven and more co-operative way.
Very true Carmel I have been there, trying to fill the emptiness with activity, being busy and pushing through the day, and it really doesn’t work, I just end up getting irritable, tired and then nothing seems to go well and then frustration sets in. I used to get a lot of back ache from pushing myself too hard, but now that I am listening to my body more I am able to recognise the signs and stop before the back pain takes hold.
A brilliant article. There is a lot here that you have shared that is pure gold and you have delivered it so naturally and lovingly. Thank you. What stood out for me today was the realisation that I have still not let go of that competitive element with myself. It has me working too many hours, talking too much or not enough, staying too long at the computer, staying up too late at night etc etc. And then “I eat foods to nourish me and not fill the engine” Great line. Another work in progress for me. Thank you Stephen.
“And I know that sport isn’t the fix it’s made out to be and can be self-perpetuating, damagingly so, and really quite, quite sad.” Such a great realisation here Stephen, in the future wether it is by more illness, burnout or exhaustion I am sure society will be more aware of the damaging effects of sport and the detrimental effects it can have on our bodies and in communities, this blog is a huge start to that awareness.
I love how you relate to exercise now Stephen without the previous drive and push of competing against yourself and others.
A very interesting read Stephen to hear and feel how it really is in the world of competitive sport. Having never been in that particular arena but knowing others who are hooked on it, I really appreciate your insights and also where you are now. “Being with myself is more fulfilling than any race or sports competition and from that being, my potential living feels limit-less.” Agreed.
What a great blog Stephen. This honesty is what is required to break the grip of “sport’s madness” that has a hold in every nation. Sports men and women behave outrageously badly, taking drugs and living reckless lives, yet they are held before all as icons to admire and to aspire to be.
Little wonder they are so terribly behaved when such emptiness meets them at every “win”.
One thing that occurred to me as I was reading your words, is that intellectual pursuits are no different to sporting ones. I recall studying to the point of pain. I would feel physically ill and distressed, but would push and push to reach a goal…there was no option as I saw it. Even the great mark was an empty reward. I recall getting results that anyone would think the pinnacle of life. I felt utterly bereft. Those numbers meant nothing to my aching heart.
To me it shows that sport, academia, business…you name it, mean nothing when we have left our full selves behind.
Your comment Rachel makes so much sense… ‘that intellectual pursuits are no different to sporting ones.’ The push and drive to succeed in every arena of life is so exhausting that we often come to the finishing line ‘spent’. The story Stephen shares in sport is relatable to every aspect of life where we strive for the top and negate self-care and self-awareness in the process. There can’t be true joy in those moments if the body we carry is ‘on its lasts legs,’ and as you say if we leave ourselves behind.
So true Rachel this is relatable to every area of life where we abandon self in pursuit of a goal and then when we get there we experience the emptiness of looking outside ourselves for something to fulfil us.
How many times have I heard ‘children are naturally competitive’? Too many to count and too many for sense. Almost like we are trying to convince ourselves as adults that the competition, comparison and drive is something inherent in us over which we have no control. When we stop for a moment and feel behind this we realise that to pitch yourself against another is to pitch yourself against yourself and all…it is madness and leads to the situations Stephen is talking about when we ignore all the signs our bodies give, pushing on regardless, until a blast of common sense or serious injury arrests us.
Totally agree Matilda. People do say ‘children are naturally competitive’ a lot. What a falsity! We only have to remember back in our own lives to remember the total absence of competition and then the gradual, insidious learning of it and the grip of it that gets hold of us and begins to imbue so much of how we are. It is not inherent. It is definitely not inherent and it is just a justification of their own state for adults to say this.
Lyndy, your comment reminded me of an event this week in the pool I work in where there were school relays on, I was assisting and one child was really taking their time to get in the water to swim for his team. It brought up a little anxiousness in me as I wanted him to get there for his team and be quick, and this made me realise how much I still have that push and desire to compete. Yet for this boy it was not his natural state and I grew quickly to recognise how much I could learn from his not rushed (it wasn’t slow) manner. There wasn’t an ounce of competition in his actions and I loved the reflection that he gave me.
Wow Stephen – well clocked!
I never was an athlete but I used to do everything in a hurry, to move to the next thing on the list. Watching people take their time at any task that I could have finished in half the time, used to raise my anxiety level. I have considerably slowed and simplified my way of living and life is so much more enjoyable.
I can totally relate to what you share Patricia for I was always did everything in a hurry too and it used to drive me crazy watching people in what I considered a go slow mode. Until reading what you have shared I hadn’t actually registered it as competition but of course it is.
Awesome article Stephen. The depths to which we go for recognition or the big win. I too numbed my body and ran to get fit. Now after dropping that false ideal and belief I so enjoy gentle exercise and walking with me.
That is an awesome article Stephen and many people ( especially many of my gym ) should read this. It is really sad to see, how people are defining themselves through sport and how they feel like during and after pumping up their muscles for example. The hardness that I could feel when I was obsessed with sports and dancing felt great at that time. Looking back now, I could never go back. Learning to feel what is truly going on in your body again is much more worth than any look or achieved sportsgoal.
Absolute cracker of an article Stephen. You highlight just how absurd it is to constantly push the body, constantly compete in a way that is damaging to the body, I love when you say the ultimate competition was your competition with yourself. This was one that was never satisfying you because you were never satisfied with yourself. Having come across Universal Medicine you found what it was to honour yourself and respect your body and in that felt how dishonouring it was for your to do have such a competitive mentality.
My, my, the things we do to avoid the agony of not being connected to ourselves! But none the less, your story is amazing – to come to the realisation that you were literally over-riding your body from your own self awareness is something to deeply appreciate and add to that all the people, especially men, you will have inspired from this lived experience. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing Stephen, awesome awareness.
Loved your story Stephen. Great exposure of how competitive sport for you always left you feeling empty and sad.
What an inspiration you are in being able to say enough is enough and choose another way of living.
“Being with myself is more fulfilling than any race or sports competition and from that being, my potential living feels limit-less”- very powerful claiming.
Stephen thanks for taking me on that journey of extreme sport – I could never understand it but now feel it is the same as most things that are about burying our feelings. It is amazing that simple presentations can really confirm what we know deep inside and support real change.
A great exposing, Stephen, of just how empty you felt after going through such an arduous process of trying to prove that you could do IT. I would imagine that this is how so many athletes/sportspeople would feel after winning their competition/race/game. There is always the “What’s next”. It is never enough. I love what you share after becoming aware of such a different way of living, “Being with myself is more fulfilling than any race or sports competition and from that being, my potential living feels limit-less”. Such a great awareness you have now achieved.
Wow Stephen, what an immensely important insight you have shared with us “For because I was super-fit, I was considered ‘healthy’ – but no way!” That is the illusion that most people live with, that super-fit and healthy are one and the same and not consider at all the quality the body runs with.
Very true Eva, that is exactly how most people would see it and it was Serge Benhayon that showed me the difference between fitness and true health and the vitality that results from loving and caring for the body rather than pushing it to achieve what the mind requires.
I agree with you about the illusion, ” that if we have a fit body then we are healthy”… I am understanding now that if the body is pushed and run with hardness then it is not healthy, but if the quality of the body is tender, connected and has an energetic quality of stillness then we are on the right track. I have also come to appreciate that exercise is important to support the body in feeling connected, tender and still but the quality of the exercise has to be gentle without the drive. By committing more to gentle exercise I am finding to my amazement just how supportive it is!
I’ve cared for many elite sports people post operative and there is a common theme. There is this blind heavy momentum in their chosen sport and there is absolutely no way anything else is considered. Injury and surgery are considered part of the game and is a hindrance to their performance. A real disconnection to their body as if their body isn’t theirs, but a tool or piece of equipment. When you see athletes being interviewed, there is a similarity to the way they talk and express, their voices, what they say and how they speak. Each player sounds very similar to the last person, especially with players from the same code. You can feel the complete ownership the sport has over the person.
Not all players have this degree of disconnection, for some, they do meet you in the eyes and have a gentleness that is present, even with the relentless abuse the body receives to perform at this level.
Amazing Stephen, thank you for being so honest.
I have never felt more lonely or sad than when I was addicted to exercise – I was not doing competitive sports; but was in competition with myself to achieve and do more and more exercise every day.
I relate to the anxiousness and distraction of having goals that are designed to make you ‘better’ than everyone else; and how this ultimately separates you from everyone else in your world.
Isn’t it crazy to try to ‘be the best’ at the expense of ourselves and others- to be the first to the top of the mountain… but what happens when we get there and realise that everyone else is still at the bottom? The ultimate realisation that making it solely about ‘us’ is not the answer… and only when we work together is there any achievement worth celebrating.
What a super top blog Stephen and so many would benefit from reading this.
You have said so much and it feels real and how you live now is an inspiration to say the least.
What stuck out for me was –
“There is another way to be that respects your own body and doesn’t rely on outdoing others or being faster or fitter or stronger to feel amazing.”
This could be applied to any area of your life and not just sports. We compete in our families, our work and in money, health, relationships. In fact everywhere in our life, we try to outdo others and all it does is try to fill up the emptiness inside us. I know this because that is exactly how I used to live. Ugly but True.
Thank you Stephen, I can feel the anger, hurt and the pain that comes with competitive sport and the almost solitude life that it entails, how much it keeps us in separation from the truth, other people and who we really are. That constant drive and sadness to always achieve as the emptiness fuels feelings of not being enough.
A great blog Stephen that prompts us to examine the societal definition of ‘healthy’ – “I was super-fit, I was considered ‘healthy’ – but no way! You can’t be healthy if you are constantly tired, always hungry, with swinging moods and anxious about fitting in more training.” Not to mention the state of your mental health with the constant feeling of emptiness you’ve recounted in your story.
This blog would be great for triathletes and extreme sports people to read and be honest about, I’m sure they would relate to it strongly …
I found the title (Sports Competition – the Pursuit of (Feelings of) Emptiness) a little confusing as my literal mind thought that it meant you were chasing the empty feeling inside, that you wanted to feel it … but I see now that it means you were trying to avoid feeling the emptiness by doing the extreme sports. And so many people do this in a vain attempt to not feeling the meaninglessness in their lives …
I love the way you have transformed your exercise by connecting deeper to your body, and being willing to truly listen to its signals. It was shouting already for long but you have listened. And the point you make about comparison and the emptiness of competition, even if it is with oneself, what is the point of pushing pushing pushing if the body is crying crying crying?
Thanks Stephen, I loved the honesty of your blog and couldn’t agree more when it comes to competitive exercise… even just excessive exercise, which I used to do. It’s seems to fulfil at the time, but like you, later l’d feel empty. Now I feel healthier and have more vitality than I ever had when I was super fit, which goes against all the ideals around fitness and health that are still around. You are spot on when you say there is nothing healthy about being constantly tired, with mood swings and anxiety.
What comes across so strongly in this writing is the vacuum that striving for sporting success is. Whatever we do it’s never enough and I have noticed that a gold medal position is a very precarious pedestal to stand upon – there is then the fight to maintain that position and gather more accolades. One gold in the Olympics is no longer it – multiple golds is the new carrot. For every one of us that arrests this madness, we are doing a great service to humanity.
We only have to look throughout history to see the number of ‘top’ athletes at the pinnacle of their game who fizzle out and burn, who turn to booze and partying lifestyles. No one really stops to ask what is going on here? Perhaps if we did, a pattern would emerge, and there would be a greater understanding of the sinister side of the driving for gold energy we are trained and taught to achieve.
Great point you mention Matilda – the pursuit of ‘multiple golds is the new carrot’. Not only the pressure of feeling a failure getting 3rd spot or 2nd position on the podium now its success rated on the gold position. Is it a wonder that those taking part in all this physical/mental activity have to retire so early in the late 20’s and 30’s when body parts and the mental strain can no longer take the constant compounding.
The ‘gold medal position is a very precarious pedestal to stand upon’ for so many others just want to knock you off it and instead put themselves up there. But what’s worse for the actual winner is that once up there you yourself still have the proverbial carrot dangling in front of you teasing you with the illusion that when I win that next carrot I will be enough but unfortunately that carrot is elusive and always stays just out of reach. This carrot analogy is a reality that we all must accept as unhealthy as the constant pressure of having to incessantly strive for more accolades and to be better than everyone else is exhausting and ultimately futile. Matilda I love how you share that there is another way ‘For every one of us that arrests this madness, we are doing a great service to humanity’.
Wow the pursuit of emptiness, how many of us do that and yet think and convince ourselves that they are achievements! So much you have brought in this sharing Stephen, we have to truly re-evaluate life. Thank you.
Expressed like that, Adele the truth of what we do is quite startling. It is true that we convince ourselves we are achieving when in reality we are pursuing emptiness through sport in this way. Not only do we convince ourselves that we are achieving, but we actually champion it. This is a huge topic.
Goodness Stephen, you depict so vividly how we abuse ourselves in the belief that we will gain from it but in reality we are just left feeling empty. That chasing dreams outside ourselves brings no lasting pleasure. It is instead through nurturing and cherishing ourselves and then to share that with others that we are fulfilled. We require nothing from the outside as we are already replete in ourselves.
I love this Stephen. The line where you talk about giving up not being an option, I could really feel how much you wanted to give up and how yummy that would have felt had you just got off your bike and left the competition. It’s a great reflection for how I push myself in many ways, not necessarily with exercise, and how giving up sometimes is the best choice. It’s crazy how we have taken on the belief that to give up is a bad thing.
Thank you for this great blog, very interesting to read! I love the key you show, the connection to your self and what you say: “now I know if a feeling comes from within my body it is always true and that it’s infinitely self-caring to respect it.” is a real game-changer and a big support!
Thanks for sharing Stephen. I’ve played competitive sports through most of my school years and always found it made me anxious. If I lost I’d feel like I wasn’t good enough, and if I won the feeling was short lived as there was always the next round to get through – and someone else right behind you trying to take your place.
When I was an athlete I often would eat loads and whatever I could get my hands on without discerning the quality of the food or how I was eating it. It was more about refuelling and filing the tank rather than nourishing the body and it was often to stave off the constant exhaustion that my body felt exercising in this way. It also encouraged indulgence in food as I knew I could eat whatever I liked regardless as I could always burn off the calories!
This is a great point Andrew and fully my experience too, I would justify eating whatever I felt knowing I could “get away with it” so to speak, but there is nothing healthy in that and the exhaustion was just covered up by sugary snacks as I continued on the merry go round of training and competing.
I used to be the best female cross country runner at school. I wasn’t in the popular crowd so I used to love the recognition and attention that running brought me, but ultimately it was a cover up for the sadness and the empty feelings inside.
We lack and we miss connection with ourselves and each other, when we don’t get enough of this, we look to other things to substitute…ie recognition makes a poor substitute for love.
Thank you Stephen for this great sharing and I love the title which says it all” Sports Competition – the Pursuit of (Feelings of) Emptiness”. So true with most of us in the world and it was only on meeting Serge Benhayon and truth being shown and the exposing of the falisity of our emptyness can be felt..
A revelationary article to love ourselves deeply and not hide in the pursuit of something outside of us which is always harming whatever it is.
Years ago I used to play squash but found the whole competitive thing really strange, I have now found regular gentle exercising to be so very rewarding. I love to swim in the mornings before work, just 10 minutes, this seems to set me up for the day. I do not push myself just allow my body to wake up with the water. I find it is a great reflection for how I am feeling that particular morning.
I agree Samantha the whole competition thing was something I never understood or felt to partake in. Discovering exercising for what my body feels is truly needed does feel wonderful, supportive and enough. As this understanding has developed there’s less and less push to exercise to an illusionary standard for any out-come other that what is truly needed for my body to feel vital and prepared for the days activity and work.
Samantha, the way you describe that sounds so lovely for your body. I used to be very competitive with sport. I loved squash, would push myself even to brutality where banging into the walls was normal. I was so proud that I was good at it and many of my male friends said I was the best to play against. I then gave up sports competition and played no sport but I carried the competitiveness into yoga. It was a competition with myself. It is very new for me to learn to exercise while listening to my body. It is so much kinder to my body and my body is definitely happy.
I think it was last year in the news, and debated by many people, of a very heavily pregnant woman that was running in a race. Some were saying she was amazing! Others crazy. For me it showed the very extreme side of sport and how we completely override our bodies as well as the push and drive that can run us. It is brilliant and honest what you have shared and gives a completely different insight in what is really going on. Also while writing this I have just thought of people that have never been good at sports and found it tough at school when they have a sports lesson (thinking how the sporty people have got it all) but what you have shown here is the emptyness is EXACTLY the same in an athletic person as it is in a non sporty person. It all comes back to honouring, listening to and truly loving ourselves.
I love this line “I don’t need to outdo others to feel amazing”.
Thank you for what you have shared. I used to do endurance sport under the guise of it kept me fit and slim and that the bonus was I could eat whatever I wanted and in huge quantities when in fact I was using sport as a form of self-abuse and punishment in order not to have to feel how lost I was inside.
Learning to respect and treasure myself and my body have meant I have dropped competitive and gruelling training regimes but it took me a long time to let go of the need to go further or harder than someone else. Once I connected to the fact that I exercise to care for my body based on how I feel that day it became easier to not set a target or a goal or live up to an ideal of what I should be doing or accomplishing in each session at the gym or every time I go for a walk.
Nice to feel amazing just for being who I am and not for what I can make my body do.
I can relate to this too Rachel – and I have also found that – “Once I connected to the fact that I exercise to care for my body based on how I feel that day, it became easier to not set a target or a goal or live up to an ideal of what I should be doing or accomplishing in each session at the gym or every time I go for a walk.” Just to go with how the body feels makes my Gym sessions or walks on the beach just beautiful and honouring of where the body is at.
Yes Karina, this is so important, to honour what our body says every moment.
Wow Stephen – an amazing transition for you from being highly competitive to truly caring for your body. The choices you have made will inspire many others who are driven by competition. Thank you.
Stephen, I haven’t had the experience of competing at a similar sporting level as you but what I can relate to is the pushing and overriding of my body, of what it is feeling and telling me. I’ve come to understand that my body is actually telling me a lot about my every choice and what I truly feel -all the time- and when I stop and listen I have the opportunity to make my next choice in honour of me. It feels very simple and I am also aware of just how much I deserve this honouring,
I have had the similar experience Cherise, I assume most people have. We are living in a society where we from very young are encouraged to push ourselves to reach our (or others) goals, to stretch further than what feels natural to our bodies. It is crazy, because if we are honest, that is far from feeling harmonious within ourselves, it rather creates a constant stress and the feeling of never being enough.
Thanks for sharing Richard, I have often heard friends say they need something else when they are giving up sport, it is like we need a filler to replace that which is gone, and competition runs so deep in so much of what we do. We have turned everything into a competition, we turn subjective acts like dance, cooking and baking into competitions, how ridiculous it is when we stop and consider that. All of this is only filling up an empty space that can only really be filled by looking after ourselves and caring more deeply, then the emptiness goes and the space needs filled no longer.
This is so true Stephen, ‘We have turned everything into a competition, we turn subjective acts like dance, cooking and baking into competitions’, it then becomes about winning over another rather than simply enjoying what we are doing. I have noticed with my young son that it used to be about running around with his friends, playing and kicking the ball around with each other, I have noticed that as children get older that it becomes about running races and scoring goals and teams and winning when playing with the football, that all of a sudden the innocent playing changes and usually someone gets upset for ‘loosing’
This is so true Stephen. Competitions like baking and cooking competitions create more emptiness and lead to wanting more food. Then we fill the emptiness with the food! Imagine a cookery program that taught us how to cook in a nurturing way to support and sustain our bodies. Now that would be worth watching.
Very true Elizabeth, there is a bigger picture at play that we don’t really want to see because we still love to win and we love to see a winner, but at what expense to the body? We are willing to push our body to the limit and beyond in the name of sport all for a few moments of recognition and fame.
Thank you Stephen for debunking the so-called health and fitness of an athlete…as you say, how can it be healthy if you’re constantly tired, sore with anxiety and mood swings?! It was beautiful to read the moment you connected to the stillness in your body and then allowed yourself to feel the emptiness of the sport you’d participated in….sometimes these low points in our lives can be the most healing if we but take the time to truly feel what’s going on for us.
So powerful to hear what it was like for you first hand, Stephen. No wonder people go chasing the next challenge to ‘prove themselves’ if it feels so empty when you ‘get there’, and you don’t know any other way. Society is wired so wrong on this – that it celebrates us overriding our real feelings this way. So gorgeous that you have let yourself come back and truly connect. Absolutely love the photo that comes with this article – feels like pure joy.
Stephen this is such a heartfelt inspiring article. When you shared how you cried with the emptiness and exhaustion I cried too because I allowed myself to feel how i’ve constantly tried to fit in and be accepted by others. Instead of what I’m learning now which is that I Am Already Enough – no more trying allowed! Thank you for this sharing and my healing.
I never liked sport or competition, it made me very anxious, the feeling I would never be good enough. But I did what you did with yoga exercises. No true yoga in the way of connecting with my body but pushing my body to keep a position as long and far as I could. Most of the times after my yoga class I had a severe headache or migraine, not a surprise I was frustrating myself constantly. And I did it in my work pushing myself to get everything done and more.
However with sports you get a very clear picture of the force we use to compete with each other. There is no winner in this punishment of the body. The key is to honour our body and how we do what we do. I enjoyed reading your blog Stephen.
I have always found it hard to watch people come in at the end of a marathon and see the pain on their faces and the obvious distress their bodies are under – there must be a point when they ask ‘why am I doing this?’.
I have not been involved with competitive sport myself but have done extreme exercise, which felt more like self torture and I would tell myself that it was good for me to build self esteem – the effects were momentary and never lasted. Thank you for giving us an insight into the world of competitive sports.
I have been the same Julie finding it hard to watch people come in at the end of a marathon and see the distress their bodies are under and the pain on their faces. I never did high impact sport as it just hurt too much, or liked the intensity of competition. I occasionally hit a tennis ball over a net and had fun with friends, but my exercise and sporting life was pretty minimal. I realise now though that doing nothing does’t support the body either and I need deeper commitment to gentle walking or swimming much more regularly! Exercising this way does feel good.
Desperately seeking something to give us a sense of worth (in this case through sporting success) with scant regard for what we are actually driving our bodies to do; when all along all we need is waiting patiently within. Self respect, self care, responsibility all leading us home to where we love ourselves, deeply so, accepting the worth of all that we are alongside all our fellow human brothers. Thank you Stephen for exposing the emptiness of chasing anything in disconnection with our selves.
Beautifully summed up Matilda.
Beautifully said Matilda. It’s as though we are so intent on feeling full and loved that we can put our blinkers on in the pursuit of it. We will do anything to achieve this. But the blinkers keep up blind.
What an awesome blog Stephen, thank you. I particularly liked your comment …”where does it end and what am I really looking for?”… For being in this way, it never really does end because any competitive pursuit is never enough. What we are looking for is actually what’s right under our nose! Literally. Connection back to that feeling of coming home, completion, fullness, of acceptance that you are already enough… so easily felt by a gentle breath. No adrenaline rush needed in this exercise. It’s great to read that exercise can be done with connection and not need to be competitive to achieve absolute fulfillment
Stephen, this is really great what you have shared, as the consciousness around competitive sport is huge. That it is seen as necessary to push our bodies in order to ‘be fit’ or ‘to be competitive’, This is certainly not seen as disregard…….yet. Thank you for sharing as you have to expose there is another way to exercise and ‘respect your body’.
Great point Raegan, yesterday I observed another who was what many would typically call ‘fit’ with solidly defined muscles and chiselled everything, but I did not connect with a joy in his eyes because of how his body looked on the outside- I could see that as a society we see obesity and being overweight as an illness but can easily overlook the same disregard that is happening in sports and exercise, just because it appears to look different.
Stephen, what a gem of a blog ! Thank you for opening up about competitive sport and how you used to feel. To me sport has always been a waist of time except maybe for cross country skiing which I used to practice for my own pleasure. I do love walking though and moving my body. The sadness you mention is very telling – how can we put our body through such ordeals and feel joyful ? Impossible.
I ski occasionally and I just love the beauty of the mountains all around me, hearing the stillness in the trees, feeling warm in my ski gear but knowing the snow is icy cold. Imagine racing down the slopes now – the skiers would be missing the gorgeousness of their surroundings, and all for what? Does a medal replace the joyful feelings experienced in such pretty settings?
I agree Susan, we are just left with a deep feeling of emptiness.
A great subject to bring some light to, Stephen. I can relate with what you share, and how driven we can become, totally overriding our bodies, and to what purpose? As you say, ‘Why am I doing this? When will it ever be enough? What is the point of putting myself through this’, and, ‘ where does it end, and what am I really looking for?’ I fooled myself, that by my many sporting and fitness activities that I was super fit and healthy, but with hindsight I was abusing my body and totally disregarding myself.
Being with myself, and, ‘the quality of my being as well as honouring what I feel in my body’, far surpasses any short term euphoria from the highs of our endorphins.
After reading this article, I soon found myself in a situation where I had to push my body beyond its natural limits and remembering the wise words here from Stephen about feeling so much physical pain but pushing on regardless, I stopped and began to question why I had put myself in to such an uncaring situation. This enabled me to clearly see all the choices I had made which lead me to that point. So the next day I made very conscious and deliberate choices that would support me in every way possible. The day turned out much better than I expected, and I have learnt a valuable lesson in self care. Thank you again Stephen for sharing.
‘To no longer be in pursuit of the feelings of emptiness’ – I love the simplicity and sense of this. I am then left with a really straight forward question: if I am choosing to chase the empty, knowing the futility of it, is that not an opportunity to apply some grace, understanding and tenderness with myself as to why I perpetuate that which I know and feel to be unkind to me.
Stephen what a great expose on “fitness” v “health”. I would often see people who are into sport and working out hard, training all the time as being healthy almost mixing health and fitness together. You’ve blown that concept out the water as I can now see that, whilst fitness is part of health, there are many other things to consider. We are brought up to believe that “winning” is everything yet this competition, as you have shared, is actually more harmful for the body.
What an exquisite and very simple transformation you have shared Stephen – from a body used as a machine to a body full of be-ing. Competition is indeed born from emptiness.
Really good assessment Stephen on the harm of all types of competition and pushing your body to hard for some form of recognition.
WOW Stephen. I felt every word and how true you now know to live your everyday. Thanks
“And all this came about because I heard presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine which inspired me to reconnect to what I had felt for years but overridden because it wasn’t what society was telling me, leading me to doubt myself.” Isn’t this true for so many of us. We can feel that something is wrong but override that feeling because it is not the same as what we see all around us. We struggle to fit in and do what everyone else is doing, all the while with this feeling that something isn’t right. It’s amazing to finally come across someone who reminds us that it is ok to listen to those inner feelings and respond to them and live by them. The choice to do this is a total life changer, and is the beginning of much joy.
So true Rebecca. To be told that what you were feeling all along was true, when the world has been telling you very differently is life changing. Building and trusting this connection is a joy and deeply confirming of who,we are.
Best not to try to ‘fit in’ because what exactly are we fitting in to?
It seems that we use comparison with others and competition to be dishonest with ourselves about how we are really feeling inside. We can always find someone else who we can say is not doing as good as we are in something which gives us a false impression of how we are living rather than just being honest with ourselves about how much joy and vitality we really feel inside every day.
Stephen thank you for such an honest and powerful blog. I can only imagine how challenging this transition has been for you given the huge consciousness around sports and competition that exists today.
Stephen, this blog is incredibly insightful, thank you for sharing your experiences. Something I had never considered is when we take part in competitive or not so competitive sport that we are in fact in competition with ourselves.
Interesting how you felt lonely even though taking part in sports is supposed to make people feel excited, motivated and happy.
Great point you mention here Susie. I did feel motivated and happy while I was working with animals – I felt no pressure to be something other than gentle, kind and allowing the animals to be in their natural environment. I really enjoyed being outside but as soon as I took part in the competitive arena that was a whole different ball game. The tension was palpable, my heart raced and yes the feeling that I did not want to really be there was very strong. My body also took quite a beating as animals react too when in stressful situations.
Come to think of it, I have not seen sports create better relationships or friendships either – when people are pitted against each other, it does not bring them closer together.
Wow that’s full on pursuit indeed! Great you came to realise that those feelings of being “unsettled and unfulfilled” afterwards were telling you it was not true for your body or your natural way of being.
Thank you for expressing so eloquently the emptiness of competitive sport.
Emptiness is such a good word to describe this Helen when we are competitive towards another human being we are actually harming ourselves and the other. One day this will be so obvious this will be known to all.
Beautiful and inspiring blog Stephen. This is a great line ‘I’m in a sporting competition with myself, the ultimate contest’.
That’s what sports ultimately boils down to, a competition with ourselves. I remember, even when I played team sports, my focus was always to be the best player on the team and I didn’t like it when I wasn’t. Like you, through the presentations of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, I was inspired to know that I didn’t need competition or sports to gain acceptance or recognition, just being ‘me’ is enough.
and if we are competing with ourselves, we are trying to make ourselves better, which means that underneath, we are thinking and feeling that we are not good enough. To me these have always been an element of self hatred when I have pushed myself in sports or exercise, there was nothing gentle, nurturing or loving about it – it was hard, ruthless and taxing (and that was only on myself), imagine how I was with other people!!
Thank you Stephen. I was particularly struck by your experience after the race, of being alone and feeling lonely after having supposedly achieved something great. It makes me appreciate how great life is that we are able to give ourselves through the choices we make, opportunities to grow and change.
Stephen you certainly exposed the emptiness and futility of sport here . What a strenuous way of numbing yourself with little or no lasting reward as it seems you had to repeat it over and over. It is considered quite acceptable behaviour this hurting ourselves competing. Quite bizarre really.
This is what stands out, that there is no lasting outcome, because there is always the next thrill, the next ride, the I could do better…and in that there is an ever lasting pushing from the mind rather than a natural impulse from the body.
Awesome blog Stephen. A fantastic insight into the world of pushing the body to extreme – for what outcome?
This sort of story certainly needs to be shared and as I’m sure there are many others feeling the same way. Thank you for sharing yours!
Thank you for your beautiful and honest blog Stephen. It is important to break the ideals and believes around sport and competition. That there is no joy in pushing your body to the extreme or being better/faster than another.
I was having a conversation with someone who was hugely competitive in the past, and what was interesting is that in his peak of sportsmanship, he was the fastest, most elite athlete in his group – finding it extremely easy to be great at this particular sport.
He could not explain it, people really put him on a pedestal – and then one day – he wakes up with chronic fatigue.
And he is never able to preform to that level again.
So all of a sudden all that he has been recognised for isn’t him anymore.
And he is left to feel the pain of not being able to reach that level again. To me it showed how much of a game sports can be in that the competitiveness goes way deeper than just the physical act.
It can define you in heated competition and give you an identity which will not last.
Thank you for your honesty in expressing how competitive sport and competition itself is so damaging to us. I too can vouch for how hurtful competition is to our body and how it leaves us feeling on the inside afterwards. You are an inspiration Stephen thankyou.
I can really relate to your experience of competition and sport, Stephen. I used to play Australian Rules Football, and was obsessed for many years growing up. When I finished high school I moved down to Melbourne and was playing Under 19’s football, which was the last season that I ever played. I remember distinctly one day of going to a social event after a game, and feeling where my body was at – absolutely shattered. In the heat of the game I would run and run and run, but afterwards when I was left to feel the effect that this drive had had, it was like emerging from a war zone, I was sore all over, and so stiff that I was moving like Frankenstien’s monster. And yet we are under the impression that this level of exercise is good for us, but it doesn’t make sense when you take a step back and it doesn’t make sense to the body. Today my perspective has completely changed. It only makes sense to exercise in such a way that supports you to be fit for work, service, family-life and life in society every single day. It is definitely not about not exercising, because this does not support us to live to our full potential either. But I feel that any form of exercise that makes you less capable of being fully engaged in life and your work, because you are left stiff and sore or wiped out from it, doesn’t make sense.
You’ve hit the nail on the head Jonathan, exercise should be about supporting us to live to our full potential. which of course what both you and I were doing was certainly not allowing. Thank you for expressing it so succinctly.
Beautifully expressed Stephen. The fact that you saw your body as an engine that needed refuelling exposes the emptiness in sports 100%. When we are like this we are just seeing ourselves as a functional machine that is not complete until the task is done. There is no love and care in this, for we are beings that are far more than what we do say or think!
Thanks Stephen for reminding me why I don’t want to return to competitive endurance sports. It’s an emotional and physiological roller-coaster that ignores all the body’s protestations.
Thank you Stephen, me too. I have had many wins over 6 different team sports and just like you describe the feeling of “oh well what is next “never leaves. The alcoholic binge was the only constant after a win and it always felt the same, with the usual hang-over. This was the totally empty me looking for any type of recognition and feeling that I was a great team player. I now realise the team I was playing for did not allow me to feel the true me. This was why I was always looking for more because it left me feeling empty. As you say, “There is no elation, in fact the scene depicts him with feelings of emptiness”. When I first learned about this emptiness from the presentations by Serge Benhayon, it made perfect sense. I now live a life that feels full with no need to win, just the continuing joy of me being me.
Stephen, I was not much into sports, so not much into sports competitions. I can relate to many other areas in my life where after finishing a challenging task as hand, I used to feel a great sense of achievement but then I would be onto to the next thing to feel even better, to achieve something else. It used to be very draining and exhausting. The cycle is never ending and it’s in everything we do.
I am learning everyday on a deeper level too that feeling what my body is telling me and living from there leaves me feeling wonderful and fulfilling rather than what the head is telling about getting lots of things done at the stake of the body. Thank you for the reminder that our body is our biggest marker of truth on how we are and listening to it is so fulfilling.
Your article reminds me of a time in my life when I was also into major achievements, just not in the sporting arena. It was more about big projects and mammoth tasks for me and about how validated they made me feel whilst I was engaged. The moment they were finished, I would slump into the deepest trough of despair and desolation, not knowing what to do with myself and utterly and completely lost. It feels like that is the price we pay for investing so much into outer success, of whatever ilk. We either keep it going for the moments of elation, or we jump off. Thank you for describing what you used to go through so openly.
All the time we are seeking outside ourselves for identity, fulfilment or a sense of who we are we are diminishing ourselves into the results of our actions. I love this article and the following comments for the clarity they bring to the fact that our relationship with ourselves sets up for everything else. The more loving and accepting we are of ourselves the more open and engaged we are with life, the big picture and humanity.
Stephen, what an awesome and deeply revealing blog, thank-you. Whilst I’ve never gone to such ‘extremes’ in sporting activity, I can absolutely relate to the ‘pursuit’ of any goal, whether it be academic or musical achievement, and the lengths we go to – and yes, abuse our bodies – in respect to this ‘pursuit’.
What you’ve shared here shows how such abuse of ourselves simply doesn’t make sense, and asks us to look deeper – as in, what (or who) am I doing this for? And am I willing to look at how empty I may feel, the harm done to my body, even when achieving something I’ve strived for in such a way? And just why do I need to better others, and/or my own past standards?
It’s all so exhausting… and indeed, there can be another way, where we needn’t measure ourselves against such crazy standards, and actually learn to truly care for our bodies and realise that we were always ‘enough’ (and more than enough) in the first place.
What a great topic of discussion you have raised here Stephen. We have so many myths in society around sport and exercise and there is still a strong belief that the more exercise and the harder it is on the body the better! I can relate to this empty sad feeling completely as an ex-elite athlete myself. I remember I also could not figure out how I had a similar feeling whether I won or lost – one had a bit more temporary elation and pride in it than the other but in both cases emptiness was not far away. I have also found that by staying much more present and in tune with my body I can now exercise in a way that does not strain my body and leaves me feeling more full and vital not drained and empty.
This is so true Andrew, ‘We have so many myths in society around sport and exercise and there is still a strong belief that the more exercise and the harder it is on the body the better!’ As I become more gentle with myself and the exercise that I choose to do I can feel how crazy this idea that more and harder exercise is better, I see the strain on peoples faces as they run and cycle and hear about the pain people put themselves through trying to be fit, I used to do this too and pushed my body to the extremes considering myself ‘healthy’, in reality my body was hard and I was overriding my natural gentleness.
So true Andrew – this discussion is very needed – there is such a deeply intrenched illusion in society when it comes to fitness and sports.
Andrew I am pondering on your comment and thinking back to my own highly competitive sporting days that regardless if I won or lost I had a similar feeling post – and I think you may be onto something. For me I would get a little ‘that’s great we won’ sigh but more importantly if I am honest I would feel the relief that the competition was actually over.
The harder faster competitive thing just boils down to stupidity in the end. So many injuries that have real life consquences occur when people are in combative mode. I am very grateful to no longer have that drive to be better than anyone else in sports or any walk of life. Thanks Stephen.
Great point Jennifer – so many injuries occur from combative sports. Some not so evident at the time and just get brushed aside or short term pain relief sought. It is often much further down the line when those destructive patterns emerge again as worn out body parts start to wear out and replacements sought. The body never lies – it keeps sharing the truth with us all the time.
I LOVE this blog Stephen. It is so clear, so descriptive in exactly what goes on in those kind of races. It is like you have laid it out bare for all to see how completely unhinged it is to treat our bodies that way.
I was an athletics champion when young and I always had to spend the day in bed the next day after an athletics carnival. No one else I knew had to do that I thought there was something wrong with my body (which never got sick otherwise!) Now I know my very sensitive and communicative body was saying to me “I don’t like this!’ ‘Don’t do it to me!’ The high of pushing and winning is inevitably flooded by the desolation afterwards (or in my case sickness). In competitive sport here is no respect for the body, this beautiful vehicle that allows us to be here and return to where we came from. Thank you for this blog. You are amazing!
Thank you Lyndy, your sharing is awesome, I remember from my football days how much I had to override the body to go in hard for a tackle or head a high ball. It was all about an act of being tough as that was what was expected of you to gain respect, yet there was no respect for the body, or anyone else’s body. As you say we have a beautiful vehicle, which is why I now don’t trash it with sport.
Beautiful Stephen – we are so blessed to be having men making these completely awesome choices and bringing their love and care to the world which so needs this.
As I read this blog I feel inspired to stop and deeply connect with the stillness that is me.
I can personally relate to the ‘drive’ in me and recall one such moment especially…I had pushed to buy a big house in a nice suburb, but once there (possibly even the first night) I felt, as you described, such an emptiness…
I now know that no-thing or achievement can fill me up…it has to come from within 🙂
Everywhere I look I see people competing for something. It might be with team sports or it might be in individual pursuits against themselves like your example. It might be competing for recognition on a project in a work environment, it might be siblings competing for their parents’ affection or attention. Regardless, it seems to me like it comes from the same place; not feeling good enough just as you are. The drive and strive to do better than someone else is virtually ingrained in so many people from a very young age, many people don’t see it as being an issue. In fact qualities such as being motivated and driven are championed and congratulated. Blogs like this one are great in that they provide another way to look at competition, a way that someone might not have thought of themselves.
Absolutely Suzanne. As you say ‘The drive and strive to do better than someone else is virtually ingrained in so many people from a very young age . . .’ When recently writing an autobiographical chapter I had to go back and re-examine my life and how I ran it. I can feel that this ‘competition’ thing was not yet in me in the first three years of school but it gradually began to take hold of me when I was 8 or 9. I realised how prized it was deemed by the teachers (my parents didn’t seem to mind where I came at school orin a race) and my peers. By the end of sixth class I knew it to be a ‘safe’ place to be (top of the class) and a great bolster for recognition. I was well and truly hooked and sold-out to it and I can still feel remnants of it in me.
And as you also say, ‘many people don’t see it as being an issue’. We all know the phrase ‘healthy competition’. There is nothing healthy about it, and in the end it does us in!
I have just recently been thinking the same Suzanne, about how many places competition comes out, and as you have shared, I realised it is everywhere! I was considering when it starts when we are young, and I thought of how from when we are born, there is competition around… comments are made like ‘he/she doesn’t sleep the same or as long’, ‘he/she doesn’t feed the same as their sibling’, ‘he/she wasn’t as heavy’, ‘my baby is crawling or walking etc etc’. There is much comparison and very little talk of the young child being special just as they are.
This article made me think of how other activities leave me feeling empty in life. When I’m doing something because I’ve created an expectation around what I’m doing, or if I feel I am identified by what I’m doing, then I will always feel flat at the end of it. It’s so loud and clear when I am doing something to impress others, and not doing it from me or from love. We get taught that we need to constantly be stimulated by emotions. Consistency is never promoted, it’s all about one high to the next, which isn’t real, it’s so momentary, and the low that comes immediately after that is more damaging than we give it credit. So much dissatisfaction of self comes from over achieving for the sake of being better than another.
Very true Elodie – we are always taught that emotions are what drive us to achieve, and that as you said, we should be constantly stimulated by them.
Thank you Stephen for completely saying it how it is, with competitive sports. I played many competitive sports and would run long distances at the expense of my body. I know that feeling of emptiness after winning a grand final or coming first. Another side of it was how I would completely change from me to a stressed out, yelling, pumped up maniac. This is not being hard on myself, this was the reality of it… then when the game or race was over, I would feel absolutely terrible and in shock of how I acted. I know now this was not truly who I was, but the emptiness of needing this for my self-worth would take over and became all it was about. I could not imagine doing this to myself or anyone else again.
Competitive sport like any activity which involves gain at the expense of another or even my own body does indeed just leave me feeling empty and sad as it can’t deliver any sought of sustainable self-worth. As I am slowly realising I am not defined by actions or deeds and my natural loveliness is inherent in my own essence of tenderness and loveliness.
Thanks for sharing your experience and how you made choices to change. What it brought up for me is that I too got caught up in competition, wanting to be something and not appreciating myself as enough for just being me. I can also look back now and see how abusive I was to my body in pushing it so far and so hard.
I was thinking of your blog this morning as I was doing my exercises, Stephen. I realised two things: one is that the word “exercise” brings to mind a repetitive series of movements, and has the connotation of trying hard to reach a certain goal, which becomes a “by rote” activity, with the mind leading and the body going through familiar motions without feeling unless it hurts. The other is the alternative; that the movements do not need to be repetitive, they can be exploratory, and as the movement is performed it can come from the feeling in the body and be as gentle and slow as you like, with no apparent goal except to be with yourself and allow the body to lead the way and inform the movement.
Your article, Stephen, brought up the memories of the physical exhaustion which I experienced in my youth constantly participating in competitions. It was the drive to prove to myself that I am capable of achieving results, that I can go beyond boundaries. It never felt that I am enough just how I am.
The same drive I observed in boys in the family I worked for. They will suffer the pain, broken nose, damaged spine-and still play rugby, trying to meet the expectations of adults.
Now it seems insane. Why shall we torture our body? Why do we need to push it so hard?
With more understanding of our true nature and nurturing self care we can build a better connection to our body, ourselves and others, which you reflect in your beautiful writing, Stephen. Thank you
There is nothing more dangerous or sad than a child trying to meet the sporting expectations of their parents, other than perhaps the parents egging them on. I used to referee children’s football matches and the behaviour on the sideline from the parents and on the pitch from the children had to be seen to be believed. I would love someone to make a documentary on the youth football sideline, it would be a real eye opener.
Isn’t it interesting that society has normalised everything that was totally unnatural for our body. It’s great that you have reconnected to your body and no longer need to punish it through sport.
Wonderful, article Stephen. A male I spoke with today summed up an element of the male consciousness: that to be an athlete there had to be pain. Perhaps I may refer him to your article.
Stephen although I have never felt drawn to competitive sports I too can relate to the competitive drive when trying to complete a task or outdo someone else. As you say the end result is quite empty, exhausting and keeps you looking for the next fix ( or to do). I find the more I stop and catch myself in moments like this I begin to see the drive for what it is. Rather than staying with the push, I stop and feel my body and bring myself back into my body and I find the need or desire to push disappears. It’s amazing how much we allow our minds to drive us, regardless of how this impacts upon the body – it’s in the learning to be more with ourselves that we don’t look for this drive/push to fulfil us but rather see we have it all within us already. Thanks for this fascinating insight into competitive sport and the drives we use to keep us from ourselves.
Like a number of comments above, competitive sport was never a big drawcard for me, although I played competitive tennis for one year, and casual for a few more. Even in that short period the drive to overlook and supress what the body was telling me was evident. That overriding push is even evident in other parts of life – I’m mowing the lawn and it starts to rain, but I’m almost finished – no matter, just keep going (get soaked, cold and wet) but the job will be finished. Why oh why do we do that? Thank you for sharing your story – and helping me to ponder my own….
This is a great point to highlight Joan, ‘“What is the point of putting myself through all this pain?” Our society seems to have a fixed belief in “more pain, more gain”. I did a lot of traditional yoga and the emphasis was very much on holding positions or pushing ourselves into positions – which at times I found very painful, the benefits of these uncomfortable positions were spoken about by the teacher as you were in pain, holding them, for example standing on my head for 10 minutes hearing about the benefits of the blood being able to run from my feet, I can now feel how my head and believing what I was being told overdid what my body was saying to me, which was ‘stop, this hurts!’
So true Rebecca. It’s as simple as that. Our body is clearing saying that’s enough, you’ve gone too far. How crazy that it is championed to push through this, break through the pain barrier until you hit another and on and on it goes.
I enjoyed reading what you mention here Rebecca of your past yoga experiences. It brought up some reminders for me when I attended many sessions of Tai Chi my body would start to burn in places when holding different postures, then the shakes would start – the teacher saying hold it, keep your focus, you will feel the benefits and all the time my body was in such pain. Looking back I smile as apart from looking forward to seeing familiar faces attending the same course – not one ounce of this suffering did my body gain anything from. Apart from the warm soak in the bath when I got home.
There was recently, once again a person running a large marathon and collapsed near the finishing line and crawled across the finishing line. There was a person a few years back doing the Hawaiian Iron Man and had totally lost all body functions short of the end and tried to crawl to finish and almost finished themselves. There is growing evidence of extreme athletes’ risk of atrial fibrillation… When is the pursuit of fitness worth killing yourself? Exercising to what the body needs and what the mind wants are galaxies away form each other.
These are shocking images: people pushing themselves to near death for what – a momentary accolade thats impact is slipping away before it is even received. The insanity of this is so stark and yet still we drive on, unwilling to feel what lies behind this need for recognition from the world, however momentary and whatever the cost.
When you raise these issues Steve, what feels bizarre to me is that it seems extreme sports, triathlons, marathons etc., are on the rise. We can clearly see how harmful it can be to push your body so hard that it collapses and yet it feels like it is becoming more and more popular to do.
Thanks Stephen for being very honest in sharing how your body truly feels when competing in sports- exhausted ,empty, and sad. I myself wasn’t very sporty but the one thing I did do well was bush walk. So I hiked the Himalayas 3 times and hiked in New Zealand and Tasmania. Once I put on my hiking boots I felt like I turned into someone else. I charged up those mountains, with the goal of getting to the top no matter what- despite my body getting symptoms of altitude sickness on 3 separate occasions I remember the drive needed in getting to the top, my legs aching, and gasping for breath at 5100 m, with a persistent headache that didn’t go away. When I completed the hike with the group I was with- the awe inspiring views of the snow covered Himalayan peaks justified it was all worth it. But at the end of it all- there was an emptiness felt in my body, and immediately my mind would say – Well there is always another mountain peak to conquer. Fortunately, I eventually stopped and felt what I was doing- needing recognition and identification because I felt I wasn’t enough. Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I no longer desire to conquer any mountain peak and I can now feel the true beauty in me, reflected in nature.
Absolutely beautiful Loretta, thank you for sharing your experience. I too have found being in nature is a gorgeous way to confirm the true beauty that lives within each of us.
What you have shared really makes sense – I never got into sport much, but i remember competitions in school would be an opportunity to push past your limits, and have a 5 second rush when you win, only to be swallowed by the backlash of going past your limits, or feeling cut down when you don’t win. I can only imagine how pursuing that constantly would be emotionally and physically exhausting.
It is extraordinary how much we punish our bodies in order to ‘stay fit’. I used to play squash and my knees are suffering for it now. It feels lovely to exercise gently and in accordance to what the body needs.
Wow … to realise you had “been in then pursuit of emptiness” is huge. What an incredible moment that must have been when the revelation struck you. Serge and Universal Medicine may have presented you with a new way of being, but I see that it was your honesty that opened you to change. We need to be honest about what is not truly working for us in order to choose new ways that truly do. Your honesty and self-loving choices are now flowing on as a true inspiration to others.
Awesome blog Stephen, thank you for giving us an insight of what it is like to be an athlete and push the body in competitive sport. I love that you have discovered that “Being with myself is more fulfilling than any race or sports competition and from that being, my potential living feels limit-less.” Very inspiring!
A very good question that, Stephen, “What is the point of putting myself through all this pain?” Our society seems to have a fixed belief in “more pain, more gain”. Anyone who has countered that in the past — (traditional yoga, Tai Chi. Alexander Technique and more) have invariably been scoffed at for being “soft”, and just “a fad”. Some influence from these modalities has been felt, but the majority still go on believing in the “hard” option. However, those who engage in this regime would do well to ask themselves your question at a deep level, why is it they NEED to feel this way? Serge Benhayon brings us more than those previous modalities offered in understanding this, he shows us the deep roots of where this need has sprung from, and why we are addicted to it.
Thank you Stephen for this very honest sharing, which really exposes the truth about competitive sports. I have never been into competitive sports but from reading your blog I get a very tangible feeling of what it does to your body, which is very revealing.
HI Stephan,
I loved reading your blog because I myself have never been into competitive sports, but I know many people who do push themselves so hard in marathons, triathalons, and other hard-core competitive sport (either with others or themselves) and while I can feel what is ‘off’ about this, I don’t have the personal experience as you share here. I do hear friends complain about how this affects their bodies – heat stroke, injuries, painful muscles and joints and feet, etc. I always find it so strange when they say how ‘awesome it was’ followed by their report of vomitting or collapsing after a race, or being in extreme soreness for days, or other physical demise as a result. Hmmmm – how strange then when they seem to not be able to wait for their next chance to do it all again. To frame it as a temporary fill for an emptiness felt within makes so much sense.
I wrote this a while ago and it is through reading all the great comments that I feel I now have an even deeper understanding of the harm I was doing to myself through intense exercise. Sports competition is like a release valve, relieving the pressure we feel in our bodies, except that sporting conquests don’t actually release from our bodies what we are feeling, it just masks it, it’s a short term fix as i found out in my competitive days, the feelings arise even more strongly each time and then we go even further with our pursuit of some crazy venture to not feel what we haven’t addressed. I was well on my way to taking on the longer, harder challenge, as within that scene it is what you do, conquer a sprint triathlon, do an Olympic distance, then half ironman, ironman and so on, it never stops because its never enough. Perhaps that is the cause of the need for ever more intensive sporting pastimes like double iron mans, “cross fit”, “insanity”, 24hour endurance challenges, “tough mudder” where getting electrocuted is part of the challenge. Where indeed does it all end?
A very scary prospect, with no signs of the madness or ‘far-outness’ of the actions showing any signs of slowing down. Inter-twinned with the craze for fads and the way that the ‘hype’ is portrayed in the media, it feels like we still have a long way to go before the real impacts of competitiveness is felt.
Stephen the way you describe sport and the insatiability of it sounds just like an addiction. It’s crazy that it’s widely supported and sponsored – I can’t look at the Tour de France and not see the tremendous pressure these men are asking of their bodies. To me it’s not pretty.
There is such a blanket opinion that sport is good for you without consideration for the body – kinda crazy considering the argument for sport is that is good for the body. I’ve never heard any trainers aside from you say listen to what your body is saying as you are exercising.
As you mention Karin watching those guys in the Tour de France, the strain and grimaces of the pressure their bodies are under to perform, the falls and the get up and get back on approach is not an activity I like to view. How can this exercise in any shape or form maintain a healthy body (or mind). Addiction yes and, the temptation of money and credibility to say that I won and being left with a body that is suffering. Great blog Stephen.
The cycling fraternity say you are not a real cyclist until you have fallen and broken your collarbone, it is a badge of honour. I very rarely fell off when I cycled as I took care as it hurt so much. It is also a mental thing as I had the fear of doing it again playing in my mind. It beggars belief how often the professionals fall off and makes me wonder how much you have to numb out to the pain to push to do something like this. It is such an abuse of the body, there really is no other way of describing it. I would ask why this self abuse is so glamourised and championed, why do we take such pleasure in pain?
Stephen, fabulous blog. I couldn’t help but think of the wonderful men in my life who just keep pushing their bodies even though there is pain. It is like it is their release valve and the attachment (and disconnection) is strong. It is sad for me to see. Perhaps like you, in time, and with their own understanding and listening to their bodies……
“Where am I really going with all this, where does it end, and what am I really looking for?” I feel like these are questions I could ask regarding many things that I do and take part in. Great blog, Stephen
Sorry typo edited version with love Samantha Davidson
I am relatively new to exercise and this sort of exercise really suits me. Doing it with care and keeping aware of how my body feels rather than trying to over ride it. “So now, instead of fighting my way through exercise, there is no clock to race and I stop when I’m tired. I feel lighter on my feet and eat foods to nourish me, not to fill the engine.” Lovely to read of your experiences and how you became aware of what feels good for your body.
I have never seen the point of competitive sport. I don’t know if it was because I was never good at it… so in the end why do something you cant succeed at, or was my body telling something. “Why am I doing this? When will it ever be enough? What is the point of putting myself through this pain.” This stood out for me that this not inclusive to sport! As a man I can relate this to the competition of daily life; work, relationships, family and the list goes on. I have also found that listening to ones body has changed my life and now is the only way to be.
I wonder what would be the reaction if this was printed in Iron Man monthly? I have never pushed myself that hard so can only imagine what the appeal actually is, but if those that do could feel truly why they are doing it and be honest about it they probably wouldn’t have do it anymore.
Good point Kev. It would be interesting to see what the response would be if this was printed in Iron Man monthly. I’m sure it would help many men (and women) see through what they are doing and give them an opportunity to ponder on what is driving them in their gruelling pursuits.
I love to exercise, every morning I find going for a 20-minute walk is all that is needed to start my day. I used to get up and push myself with early morning intense yoga practices but this never truly helped me, it just left me feeling physically exhausted and emotionally all over the place. A gentle rhythm of exercise every morning I find so supportive to my day.
This is such a fantastic blog, Stephen. I know the feelings you are talking about – the feeling of momentary elation, leading soon after to deflation and emptiness – that came after competing in a sporting event. The aches and the pains left in my body… and then going out and doing it all over again to look for a new momentary high. These days the joy I feel in my body when I am simply walking is soooo much better than any of the momentary feelings of elation I experienced – and so true and lasting. I choose nourishing my body over punishing it and abusing it any day of the week!
Stephen
What a great blog. I enjoyed reading the line “When will it ever be enough?” In my experience it never was and that is what keeps that treadmill going again and again. Stepping off the tread mill and exercising each day at my own pace has allowed me to appreciate where I am at and the joy my body brings me in supporting the movements that I need to make with my work and well being every day. Great sharing thank you.
Some great points raised Stephen, ultimately it as as you have said “There is another way to be that respects your own body and doesn’t rely on outdoing others or being faster or fitter or stronger to feel amazing”. It is feeling that love and contentment from within so no longer do you need to go outside of yourself to search for something to fill you up.
Wow it’s so refreshing to read your experiences around sport. Your honesty is so healing to read.
Growing up I was really messed up and had so much energy I used to go to raves and dance non-stop without drugs the whole night through then walk miles home. As a teenager and into my early 20s I used to be in constant motion- running, walking, ballet etc to avoid my feelings of emptiness. A friend joked I was exorcising my demons. I felt like I was punishing myself.
I always wanted to be really good at surfing and put so much effort into it trying to prove myself. In the last few years I felt sick after going surfing because of the strain I’d put my body under.
Growing up all my summers were by the beach where the culture was ‘run swim run.’ I used to think I wasn’t doing enough fitness wise because I was comparing myself to the lifeguards who were training for the beach runs and competitions. Some would surf 6 hours non-stop and then nearly crash their car on the way home through tiredness.
There is no love in sport. I never felt enough which translated as I could never do enough keeping fit. I know when I was feeling competitive, if anyone was doing more than me I would think I had to up my game. If I was surfing and there were other women surfers I would be really competitive or jealous. I was ugly in this way and I could feel that if I was honest.
I know that the people I saw training the most were also the ones who would drink til drunk. We’d get very drunk at the pub but they’d be no real conversation about anything. I felt so lonely and empty around so many people and I have no doubt that this was similar for others too.
So Universal Medicine introducing listening to ones body and exercising gently has been really supportive. I’ve not compulsively exercised for years now but, in moments of feeling a lack of self-worth I can have thoughts that put me down for not doing enough exercise.
Stephen your blog has reminded me to continue to connect with my body and feel what exercise is suitable for me now. It’s reminded me of how abusive sport/exercise can be when it is about filling an emptiness. Thank you again for your honesty. It’s so needed because I’ve only experienced bravado of those who do sports a lot and when they feel they’ve fallen behind any training schedule I feel they’ve felt guilty and have to catch up. I don’t think I’d be the only one for whom this would have resulted in exacerbating a feeling of low self-worth.
Well said Karin. It is true that there is no love in sport if it is used to fill an emptiness or for competitive goals to gain acknowledgement etc. I’m sure many people play sport simply for the love of it which feels completely different.
Dear Karin, thank you for your sharing of your experiences, I can relate to some of it as well , as I experienced similar things a long time ago. I am glad though that you qualified that statement ‘ there is no love in sport’ with your later expression – ” It’s reminded me of how abusive sport/exercise can be when it is about filling an emptiness.” Thank you for that clarification, as I know we can also do some sport lovingly in true connection with ourselves. So it is very true that when it is about filling an emptiness or living up to an ideal, then yes there is no love in any activity used for that purpose.
Karina thank you for highlighting what I said about sport and that it’s not sport per se that I questioned. I love moving about and doing various sports. There’s a few my body doesn’t agree with anymore but many that are great fun and supportive of my body. I love how sport can be a great way for people to come together and basically play and appreciate one another.
Karin, your comment on Stephen’s blog is equally honest and revealing as the blog itself. To consider the possibility that “There is no love in sport.” is quite a revelation and one that quite jolted me on first consideration. Sporting competition is a major part of our lives. Even if we don’t exercise ourselves we enjoy watching professional participation in sport at the highest of levels on the TV. I know that I have done. You share the emptiness, jealousy and comparison that many might also feel watching or participating in competitive sport. Thanks for commenting!
I remember the feeling of emptiness when I used to perform as a cellist. I would spend days, hours and months in a practice room perfecting a piece of music and then feel the emptiness you describe after I had performed it. I was in some kind of competition with myself as well as wanting recognition. No ounce of recognition could fill up the feeling of emptiness. It is tragic that we find ourselves in these kind of pursuits, pushing ourselves so that we will somehow feel worthy. It is indeed amazing to discover that we are enough exactly as we are, and there is no need to perform or push for anything.
Yes Rebecca, this is so true, I can get that same feeling of emptiness when I have watched some trashy TV or wasted time surfing the internet, any activity that has no meaning to it can, I find leave me with that same feeling of emptiness. If life is about connecting with people it makes sense that anything that takes us away from making the connections might leave us feeling hollow inside. That drive also for recognition is now also a sure sign that I would be approaching a task with the wrong intention, as no outside source can bring the satisfaction of feeling loved that we crave.
Stephen, I have most definitely never ridden 95 miles, but I can relate to the drive to push through and the empty feeling after the drive in many other situations.
I was with you all the way Stephen, I could feel how you pushed your body to its limits and then the feeling of what was that all about, and the complete anti-climax of all the hard work for a few minutes of elation. “My body cannot hide how I truly feel after a sports competition – empty and sad.”..so very true.
What a great depiction of the ups and downs of competitive racing…the should be’s and the mustn’ts…but still the emptiness. Your comment, “now I know if a feeling comes from within my body it is always true and that it’s infinitely self-caring to respect it” – speaks volumes for the tenderness required, but the absolute warmth and fulfilment received when we listen to our body and not our head!
Wow Stephen your honesty is deeply touching. There are so many levels of insight to what you have shared. What struck me the most was the separation and emptiness of wanting to beat another, to win and be seen better than others. Your words were deeply felt and described the deep sadness of this. To try and extract value and worth from feeling better than another is a huge human tragedy.
This is so true Anne-Marie, it is a human tragedy and quite ridiculous to observe us human beings putting so much effort into trying to out do others, and often out doing ourselves in the process.
Stephen you have written a great article – the emptiness of competition – the double whammy being the supreme emptiness of competing against yourself. Getting to feel the extremes as you did is amazing and shows us all that underneath whatever we may make the body do is our true state of wellbeing – waiting in the wings for us to reconnect to.
This article really has gold within it. This is but one sentence that says it how it is with no holding back. “You can’t be healthy if you are constantly tired, always hungry, with swinging moods and anxious about fitting in more training.”
This sentence stood out for me too Sally. This article is gold!
Thank you so much Stephen for the incredible insights into the agony and the ecstasy of a sports person. I have never been a very “sporty” person, but have observed from the sidelines exactly what you have shared. The glimpse of the ecstasy of the win has always seemed to be overshadowed by the pain and the discomfort showing in the athlete’s body. And as for those who didn’t win – the agony is written all over their faces and their bodies. I just loved reading of your transition to where you are now, supported by the inspirational presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, and the realisation that: ” “Being with myself is more fulfilling than any race or sports competition and from that being, my potential living feels limit-less.” Priceless words of wisdom.
I love what you have revealed here Stephen and it has led me to reflect on how much I have done this in other areas of my life (wasnt sporty), in art, in my work, etc. A constant drive to prove something, for whom and what is not quite clear, to be accepted and seen and recognised more than anything, but each so called success left me feeling that wasn’t enough and so I totally negated what I might have achieved, had no appreciation of it at all and went in immediate pursuit of the next ‘thing’.
An ever repeating and totally empty cycle I finally jumped off with the support and inspiration I have received through observing and interacting with the Universal Medicine students and practitioners and the Benhayon family.
So true Jeanette. As we know this level of competition and trying so hard to fill an emptiness that we feel is by no means exclusive to sport. I did this through education and the seeking of knowledge and I remember the feeling of sadness when what I though would fill me up left me flat. We all instinctively know that looking outside of ourselves isn’t it. The inspiration to connect within inspired by Universal Medicine fulfilled a deep knowing that I have always had but did not know how to access.
When I read your first paragraph I had this aha moment. I understood how winning the biggest price you could win in sports would never satisfy the feeling of absolute desolation inside because of having pushed your body over its limits for so long, plus leaving many people who now have not won the price and failed which is also not natural for us.
I have pushed my body in sports too, not so extreme and not in competition with others but in competition with myself and it would never be enough. I feel now like you write so beautifully: “I don’t need to outdo others to feel amazing: now I know if a feeling comes from within my body it is always true and that it’s infinitely self-caring to respect it.”
An incredible blog Stephen, thank you. Society champions those who take up intense sport – just look at the Olympics, the Commonwealth Games and World Cup. Millions of people travel all over the world to attend these events, but what is it they really come to see? Men and women pushing themselves close to their physical breaking points in order to beat others? Your blog is important as you have first hand experienced what it’s like to go from completely discarding your body to actually taking the time to care for it, which is an amazing turn around.
Exactly Fiona, there was a pregnant athlete in the news who has decided to keep competing late into her pregnancy, supported it seems by her physicians, this is the extremes we are living in where this is actually lauded as being a great thing. If we consider in sport how much we have to override the signals from the body, it is the starting point of when we allow that to happen, it can just build and build to the point where what can look quite extreme from a self caring perspective becomes a normal for the person doing it who has less awareness of the damage to their health. I say this from both positions having been the extreme sportsman to the now self caring gentle man, in sporting competition the body always comes second.
Thanks Stephen, I clearly remember playing a grade of soccer that had us competing with professional teams. I was stunned by how people didn’t think about cutting your leg out from under you..they called it a ‘professional foul’…crazy concept. I was certainly good at pushing myself too, but like you have found a much more joyful way to be with myself and with exercise.
When I see the emotional turmoil competition creates in young children where one is the victor and the others feel sad, disappointed and that they have been shown they are less than the winner I wonder how our society champions it as something to pursue.
I could echo your words Laura, and I wonder how parents of these young children cannot see the potential of harm in fostering competition in its varying forms – it seems to me it possibly provides the groundwork for jealousy.
Very well said Laura. Competition leads to one winner and everyone else being considered losers. Its fine if you win all the time but what happens to a person who loses all the time? What does this do to them and how does it accumulate and play out in their everyday lives? It is vital for the health of our society that we begin to question why we feel the need to champion competition which just breeds the game of inequality.
Thank you Stephen for sharing your experience with competitive sports. It was interesting that you wrote how you started to question why you were doing it and I am sure that happens a lot, only to override that thought later on when everything settles down and the urge to push gets reignited.
It had never occurred to me before reading this Stephen that achievement in sport could leave a person feeling empty.
Yet, I can now ‘feel’ that it links to the ‘will I ever be enough’ thoughts that lead me to feeling empty.
An enlightening read for me, with a great one-liner: ” I don’t need to outdo others to feel amazing “.
Yes very true Wendy, we are lead to believe winning a sporting competition is the best feeling in the world. Stephen’s article exposes the real situation behind the scenes, the feeling of emptiness when one should be feeling glorious. It is a huge shift to get to the place of knowing that we can experience real joy within ourselves without having won a race or beaten anyone.
For me too Wendy – but when you think about it; the media, movies, teachers, newspapers and practically everywhere we look sport is advertised as ‘it’ – i.e. something that will increase your confidence, make you fit, and make you a ‘champion’.
Yes that is a really powerful and true statement: “I don’t need to outdo others to feel amazing “. And this applies in all areas of life, not just in sport or competition.
Stephen thank you so much for writing this is is a powerful and wonderful insight into the world of sport and competition with others and self. You have offered much in the way of true evolution for us all.
Thanks Stephen for giving me some insight in to that world of competition, I was more the sort of person that would watch it from the comfort of my pub seat and look in wonderment of how and why people would put themselves through such punishment. I saw a women pentathlon on the tv yesterday where the woman that won it looked utterly disappointed that she came within a couple of points of the world record whereas the girl who came in third was totally elated. Crazy stuff.
Its funny isn’t it Kevin, my experience of triathlon was always that the top guys would look serious and pretty miserable whereas those just trundling around for fun always seemed to be more happy and smiley and much more engaged with everyone around them.
Thank you Stephen for sharing so openly and honestly exactly how being in a competitive sport made you feel. When you asked yourself the initial question “Why am I doing this?” feels very much like the turning point at which you chose to feel much deeper. We either choose to ignore (which I feel most sports people do) or choose to act upon what is truly going on.
The words that jump off the page for me Stephen are, “I’m in a sporting competition with myself, the ultimate contest.”
That sentence prompted me to realise that so much of my life was been about a contest – with myself. And this has applied to not only sport, but throughout the workplace and business and relationships (the various different relationships I’ve had with myself over the years). The result was more pressure and stress.
Fortunately about 8 years ago my wife attended a couple of presentations by Serge Benhayon and likewise I did the same and continue to do so today (which I consider to be an absolute privilege).
Consequently, I can say that the inner battles and the competition with myself, have dissipated and as a result life feels much more harmonious and in flow.
So true Rod, I too have been fuelled by this mad competition with self in different areas of my life, pushing my body beyond its limits to prove to myself that I am capable, worth something. The whole focus was on what I could achieve, do, accomplish and all at the expense of my physical health. I too have had the privilege of attending the Universal Medicine workshops that have supported me to let go of the fierce focus on competition and begin to appreciate my inner qualities and presence instead. Still a work in progress but the harsh and un-caring attitude towards myself and my body is healing.
What a super cool article to have out there, asking the questions of us all about what competitive sport really does to us. How many sports people have we watched drive drive and drive themselves until their bodies or minds break down and they retreat feeling they have failed. No win over another sustains us for long simply because it is just that a win over another, empty triumph that may be empty defeat next time. Thank you, Stephen, for sharing your experience and for seeing through the nonsense to the truth. We all know it.
I agree Matilda, this same pattern can be seen in others areas other than sport – exam results and promotions, hobbies and family life – where excelling above another is only fulfilling for a short time before the next goal has to be reached.
Awesome blog Stephen, I love how you express yourself in writing, thank you.
Stephen you have written honestly and clearly about your experience of competition sports. The sports industry is big business. It is sad to see how competive sport is now marketed and crept into every area of our lives from kindergarten upwards. Regular gentle exercise is to be encouraged for all. I walk regularly in a beautiful London park. It used to be full of walkers strolling, people sitting. Now there are power walkers and more and more people running, singely and in groups. There is a new competitive energy. People working out with personal trainers, stop watches and timers. I’ve even seen military style drills taking place. I walk in open spaces and countryside because I love connecting with nature and for the stillness it brings.
It is great to hear your honest experience with long distance exercise. I grew up in a house with a marathon runner. To most of us it doesn’t really make sense; the pain, the punishing distances, the blisters, the wear and tear on hips and knees. What I remember is all that time spent training is time missing out on family life and the building of relationships.
Beautiful to read your experience Stephen, of being an endurance sportsman and how it really felt. It has always looked that way to me but when you hear people who are in it speak about it, it is all great and wonderful. I have wondered how that could be because the bodies did not seem to fit the stories, and your honesty towards yourself and what your body was telling you is showing how the only way to do this is to completely ignore the signs our body is giving us. I have had my fair bit of sport and can honestly say that I was abusing my body with the bruises, sprains, breaks and tears to prove it.
Wow Stephen, I was on the edge of my seat reading your blog. What you have shared here is an incredible personal sharing on what really happens in competitive sport. I have never been into competitive sports, I could never see the point, it hurt so I didn’t want to do it. It didn’t made sense to me why people would put themselves through this. Your blog has led me to have a deeper understanding as to the reasons why and is awesome to read that you have found a different way of being with yourself that is loving and tender.
With your amazing blog Stephan I realize that we are so willing to do a lot, even hurting things, just to get a bit of meaning into our lives. We are really searching for it and on that way we are trying a lot of crap. Unfortunately the most we try is nothing that works and so, still empty, we have to do more, try harder and so on. We put so much effort into it – with the outcome of hurt, pain, feeling alone and empty. Competition really guides us away from our true being and does not give us any form of real good. In truth we are searching for connection – connection to us, our true being and connection to others. We want to be apart of a harmonious, loving community – not alone on a rostrum.
Thank you, Stephen, for sharing with us the blessing you have experienced from the teachings of Universal Medicine, in being shown another way to be. The line – “being with myself is more fulfilling than any race or sports competition” speaks volumes, and shows us that it is always possible to turn things around, no matter how far we have gone down a loveless track (in this case competitive sport).
I really enjoyed reading this, the way you described the race up the hills in Scotland is so vivid. I never did push my muscles that far, but I sometimes override signs of tiredness when gardening and push on. As a result I feel weak and shaky afterwards. I always thought that people who push themselves so hard for sport trophies are so silly, but I just realized I do it too, just because I can and I think that my body should be able to take it or do more. And that is disregard, that is regarded as normal, or even good and healthy in our society.
Absolutely awesome Stephen, you have blown apart the illusions we can place ourselves in with sport, and have brought it back down to truth. What you have discovered would bode well in every sport and exercise magazines, showing us the harm in competition and pushing ourselves beyond our bodies natural abilities.
It would be great if we could offer this as another perspective in schools, where competition in sport is taught as normal and healthy.
Stephen, I was never a person to do competitive sports but my kids do. I really appreciate all you have shared about your experience and how it took some time for you to really begin to listen to your body. This offers me a greater understanding of others in their own timing to let go of behaviours that don’t really support our bodies. Thank you.
Wow Stephen! I can really feel just how tortorous your triathalons were and all for nothing really. How incredibly honest to share just how empty you felt afterwards, rather than the elation we are duped into believing we should feel. The way you describe your constant training and seeking for the next achievement to me feels no different to a drug addict looking for the next fix. The sad thing is we view the athelete in a positive light, regarding them as you say as healthy, wherein behind the scenes there is little difference between an athelete and an addict. Both are hurting their bodies because they feel empty. It is clear that Universal Medicine has been a very supportive source of inspiration and education for you, if you have been able to relinquish such damaging pursuits in favour of your true health, wellbeing and sanity. Thank you for showing us that there is a way to be healthy, vibrant and joyful in this world without the need to hurt ourselves or others through competition.
Thank you Stephen for exposing the truth behind competitive sport. Competition is everywhere not just in sport but virtually everything we do. I know for me it has been my lack of self worth that has driven me to be competitive just so I can feel good about being better than another person. This has been at times at the detriment of my body/health. Crazy stuff!! As my connection with myself deepens and I deal with my self worth issues the need for competitiveness lessens.
Thank you Stephen and what a turn-around! Even though I have never really cycled, what you describe reminds me of how I am when I am working – as there is often a push to get through and it does feel like a race with myself. Somehow we can live with many unspoken expectations of how we should be and what we should do and achieve – this can leave us feeling very empty – an emptiness that often we don’t want to feel, so we keep filling up with more and more activity.
Such a great point you mention here Shevon – that feeling of an emptiness – “an emptiness that often we don’t want to feel, so we keep filling up with more and more activity.” I can so relate to this.
A great blog Stephen. I used to have the same feeling after performing my solo theatre shows if no-one else was around to share my “glory”, (as I thought it was then). Being with others overrode the feelings of “Well, that’s that, now what?” Then I would go on and create another show, and another and another, driving myself to exhaustion, just like you did with sport. Which made me reflect that sport is an excellent and obvious example of what you are expressing about competition, and the same pattern exists in business, work, and many other activities. What you have written is an exposure of how harming this is to us, and all the emptiness that exists under the addiction that covers it up.
Thanks Stephen , for sharing what it was really like to be a top athlete., I can relate to the emptiness. I did ballet for years and pushed my body super hard all that time. I wanted to be better than others and my focus was always on striving and trying and never on enjoying moving my body.
I too learned how to enjoy my body moving in a very different way now, with the emphasis on being present and being gentle with it.
This has made an enormous shift in my contentment levels. I also let go of the self loathing that comes with not having made it into the top ballet company. I know my worth is not up for question.
Dear Stephen, thank you for this clear insight about competition and emptiness. It is very revealing for all the sports people who championing that competition is a way to train also their personality. What I like is that with your blog everybody can feel the emptiness underneath and with that noone can hide from this fact again. The only way is if the people who championing sports allow themselves to feel it.
I agree Ester. Stephen’s blog was a real eye opener regarding the pursuit to fill the emptiness from with in from an external source of recognition that only feeds this emptiness all the more. Its crazy what we do to ourselves in the name of and under the illusion of winning and need to beat others.
Thank you Stephen for sharing from behind the scenes and giving us an honest picture about what is truly going on within sports people. It is strange how this suffering is considered as desirable only to get the so needed recognition. I only once put myself into this suffering when I decided to start running every day half an hour or 40 minutes. I did it for three weeks and every single day was painful and felt horrible, but I had the belief that it was healthy and I just had to get over the pain and that I would get used to it. My body was telling me every second to stop and I developed pain in any area of my body. After three weeks I gave up and this is what I thought then, I gave up. Today I know that it was very wise to listen to my body and that instead of giving in to some belief systems I just followed my body.
Great comment Rachel. I took up speed walking and the first hour or so would be complete agony, which I knew would not stop even if I stopped walking. Just insane really, that I should voluntarily put myself through so much pain. I still walk today, but it is regular, relaxed and certainly keeps me fit without taxing my body or creating pain. I can see now that the speed walking was literally an attempt to escape the stress and anxiety I had created in my life. Learning to cut the need to create stress has led me down a path of enjoying gentle regular exercise that truly supports my body as opposed to injuring it.
Stephen I get when you said “I am more with myself around others so they get a much better version of me.” Now that you are more honest with yourself and what your body needs there is so much more of you to share with others instead of the sad, exhausted person you were before. Great blog exposing the reality of competitive sport.
Exactly Irene, when we deplete ourselves so much so as to achieve something everything and everybody else around us suffers as they do not get the whole of us. Something I have learnt and been inspired by Universal Medicine is how important it is we give everything in our lives our equal focus and attention in terms of not overdoing one area and so ignoring or giving less to another area.
Absolutely brilliant Stephan and a very much needed topic to talk about. I love what you say here – ‘For because I was super-fit, I was considered ‘healthy’ – but no way! You can’t be healthy if you are constantly tired, always hungry, with swinging moods and anxious about fitting in more training’ I was caught in this too for a while and I am now watching the young people in my life do the same. It is such a trap and enormous lie that we think we are gaining, winning and dare I say ‘healthy’ in pushing so hard whilst completely negating every message the body is telling us to stop! It is an elusive path with no end, always striving in order to not feel the emptiness of having left our connection in the first place.
Well done Stephen, for choosing a new way to be. Your words –
“I don’t need to outdo others to feel amazing: now I know if a feeling comes from within my body it is always true and that it’s infinitely self-caring to respect it”, are amazing and so true.
Wow Stephen it is wonderful to read the fullness and joy you have connected back to by honouring what truly supports your body and no longer trying to prove your self worth through competition whether it be with yourself or against others.
Great blog exposing the falseness and paradox of pursuing external goals for fulfilment. Instead of achieving the desired outcome they in fact result in the opposite – an ever deepening of the emptiness and need for more that is a bottomless pit.
Beautifully said Jonathon. What you have shared is absolute gold.
Stephen, this is so revealing and I have felt this watching my son in competitive sports at school because this is usually where this drive to win and always be better starts and it is always at the expense of the body. It is a concern that many schools thrive and seek recognition from how the students achieve in sporting events. The sporting accolades of students is often the measure of a good school and it is these students who get recognition and acceptance by their peers for what they do but not who they are. My son told me recently that he would like to try for head boy at the school to reflect something different to the other students but would probably not get it as he has decided to step down from competitive sport and this seems to be a prerequisite for this role. How sad is that.
Stephen the transition you have made is inspirational and will be an affirming reflection for many of us.
There is such a drive among children to be first or be the best, and the anxiousness in this is written all over their face and held in the way they move their bodies. It seems crazy that we as adults push this competitiveness so much, in spite of it being so clear the harm it causes. However I can see how it happens as it gets passed from generation to generation or in my case it was learnt from my peers, as my parents never pushed me yet I still learned the desperation to anxiously try and win. The joy of movement is far greater than any win, this I know because I have lived it!
I have seen even very young children set out to BEAT others too, rather than enjoying an activity together, it is about being better than another – we seem to value this more that getting along, relationships and equality. Competition goes directly against developing equality.
“I’m in a sporting competition with myself, the ultimate contest’ and ultimately one that can never be won. Everyone loses – you, your body, the other competitors and the list goes on. I’ve noticed this same feeling that Stephen so brilliantly describes in business – the little victories of winning a new client or completing a piece of work but then what?
That’s true Simon, we do take this same level of competition into all aspects of our lives… “those little victories of winning a new client”in business, or as in my case in the field of education we push the children to achieve higher grades so that school can look good on league tables…. but then what? Everyone loses… the kids and staff stress and then the battle of the league tables continues, the same cycle repeats and the merry-go-round keeps spinning.
Thank you, Stephen, for sharing this personal and touching account of how you harmed your body through competitive sport in the past, and how your relationship with yourself is now the most important thing in your life. It is extraordinary, the lengths we go to to fill the emptiness we feel inside, and the pain we inflict on ourselves – I am pleased to hear that your body no longer has to be subjected to such treatment.
That desperate need to be better, stronger, fitter is so strong and incredibly damaging- I just watched the movie ‘Whiplash’ where the character pushes himself and his body to the absolute limits, giving up everything else in his life, knowingly, it is heart wrenching, but that same drive can be present in so many areas of life including sport, school, hobbies, even parenting. They are all ways that we can over ride our bodies to varying degrees in favor of relief, recognition, fame…but in the end is it really worth pushing so hard at the expense of our bodies? Does that feeling of emptyness ever get filled and what is the long term outcome? Great blog exposing some of these issues.
Stephen a great blog that has given me a real understanding of the drive behind competitive sport yet the lack of “Eureka” moment when you win or finish. I’ve never been a committed sport type person but I can relate to the same with my own work and fact when I would go into a drive with myself to achieve something and be left in the “and now what?” situation. It certainly helps me see that whilst I may not be doing the same within the sports arena, I have had a parallel pattern in work. What a great way and lesson to see that judging a group of people that do something you may not is false by all accounts, including that fact that there is a high chance you are doing a version of this yourself – at least that’s what I’ve found as I reflect on it.
A really interesting read from the drivers seat perspective Stephen – and oh so true!
Its true that we really believe pushing ourselves and hurting ourselves with exercise means we are healthy.
I was so caught up in that cycle – I’d go to the gym till my body would shake and my face would be a deep red and I could taste the hint of blood in my mouth from the excessively heavy breathing.
But that was all fine because I was working out.
And like you, I wouldn’t share the moment with anyone. No one was allowed to see me post-gym session – sweaty and red – so it was home alone to feel the burn and pain of my muscles – and the loneliness of a deep gym cycle where enough was never good enough.
How crazy is that to think I was sure thats what exercise meant.
Thank you Stephen for describing to the detail how you felt and what happened to you with competitive sports. I would assume there is probably never really a complete content moment for any sports person in a competition because even when you win you probably start to worry already about the next step as it is always about being even better and/or outdoing the last results.
This is very true, if I was to be “successful” then I put even more pressure on myself to be more “successful” the next time, a never ending loop of striving as no result will ever be enough! I smash a personal best, great, but next time I have to be faster again, the pressure keeps on ramping up and there is no harsher critic than the one in our heads.
Brilliant Stephen. I loved how you shared about your tears. There is something precious in this moment that shows you know so deeply that there is another way to be. So many of your words stuck with me, but more than any other it was how you described “the ultimate contest” – “competition with myself”. It confirmed for me that when we compete, it is ourselves we defeat. What a futile game to play.
Joseph, that stood out for me as well that “the ultimate contest” –is “competition with myself”. I am the one who ultimately puts the most pressure on myself and for what mainly for a moment of elation, and an elation of saying yes I had beaten the system. But ultimately win or lose, just like I found when I used to play black jack I would always be left with an empty feeling – extremely “futile” indeed.
I Agree Joseph, through feeling the tears and fragility we have moments of honesty, that what I do is not fulfilling me. Often it is in these moments when reality is driven home, we make life changing choices for ourselves.
Thank you Stephen for sharing.
I can very well relate to the constant overriding of what I was feeling in my body, because seemingly it didn’t fit to what everyone around me was saying or what my mind deemed a safe opinion to express. Having done this for a long time makes it a well trodden walk that looks so easy to slip back into again.
But the more you listen to what you are feeling inside of you and choose to act accordingly, the more obvious becomes the difference between both ways. One might make you reach goals, but you feel stressed and empty there and the other one will just let you be and become more of the wonderful being that you are – in stillness and with love.
Stephen, it’s great that you’ve woken up to the damage you were doing yourself and the empty feeling that goes with it. Today my physiotherapist said: “Exercise breaks the body, and recovery rebuilds it. But too much exercise ‘breakage’ and it impedes the recovery and healing”. Wow! Before today, Serge Benhayon is the only other person I’ve heard say that we underestimate the degree to which exercise is harmful to the body. Of course we need it, but not to the levels that are pushed and promoted, particulary in sport. ‘Push’ means to exert force to make something go in spite of its inclination – why would you force your body to do something it isn’t happy about and that is harmful? And yet sport and personal competition have been promoting that for a long time. People seem to forget about the young, ‘fit, healthy’ athletes who drop dead of heart attacks, age prematurely, get cancer young, etc. ‘Pushing it’ and ‘pumping it’ create vastly more free radicals than we are designed to neutralize in our body, and those do a great deal of the damage that leads to these illnesses and early deaths of athletes, along with their fatigue and often depression. And the free radicals are just one of the harmful physical effects!
I like how you pointed out that although you were ‘super-fit’ you were always tired, hungry and had mood swings, therefore not ‘healthy’. At school, my PE teacher taught me that to be fit was to go through your everyday activities and then do an extra activity and not feel tired or exhausted at the end of it. This I understood to be true. To be fit is to be able to do all the things you need to and still feel vibrant. I’m guessing this isn’t the case for most hard core ‘fitness’ and competitive athletes. Great blog Stephen. Thank you for sharing your moments after competing.
I know this feeling of completion in sports and pushing my body. What’s crazy is I knew when I should stop yet purposely pushed past that point, for recognition, for a perfect body, to impress others but biggest one of all to numb how I was feeling. Thinking back when ever I got mad, frustrated or upset I would go for a run. And I would run and run until I physically couldn’t breathe properly anymore. But whenever I was feeling great, I wouldn’t be able to run because it felt so hard on my body. Now I am able to connect to my body and know when is enough and even what activities my body likes and does not like. Pretty amazing when you stop and listen.
Wow Stephen, this sounds exhausting. It’s incredible what we can put our body through simply because we have set our minds to something, and are prepared to over ride every message in us in order to achieve that outcome.
I know exactly what you mean Rosanna, I have found when I set my sights on something especially achieving a goal it is when I will push my body to the extremes, get overly stressed and exhausted all for a moment of satisfaction and recognition for doing well and achieving what I set out to – crazy really when it leaves my body worn out.
Yes very true Rosanna. When we set our mind on something it is quite amazing what we will put our bodies through to achieve it and Stephen’s description of just how exhausted and drained his body felt highlights the complete lack of appreciation and care we can go into to achieve our aim.
Stephen. I agree with you, people beat themselves up in sport, as they are so competitive and have to win at all costs.
I used to be in that position, and know what it does to the body over time.
I do still play golf, and really enjoy it, not to win, but to enjoy the company I play with.
Next time my sport teacher tells me to run in cross country I will say ‘being with myself is more fulfilling than any race or sports competition’. Lets see what she says 🙂
I love that Madeline, let me know how that goes, I’ve got your back on that one.
I would be interested to hear the outcome of that too Madeline!
It’s interesting that teaching primary aged children my view on teaching sport has changed over the years. I haven’t taught it for a while but I used to think it was healthy and now I understand the emotional impact. I have winced when the kids come back so low after a defeat and also after a high from a win, as I know the kids are fuelled to keep the cycle going. I have winced when I have seen kids forced to do that cross country run and are not allowed to stop and end up crying round the track. When we champion the health aspect with out seeing the non -so healthy side it doesn’t truly support the kids we are with. Sport is something that is part of school life and can have many fun elements to it, I especially love the team work, and the non competitive exercises but the pushing, drive and forcing to make the body do what it clearly is protesting from doing doesn’t sit well with me. Gentle ex’ercise to support the body to maintain its strength does. How cool if a child I taught said to me, Miss “Being with myself is more fulfilling than any race or sports competition”
I would say SPOT ON, I couldn’t agree more, but it would be interesting to see my colleagues response.
I love your comment Rachel. Yes, imagine hearing a child saying, ‘Miss, being with myself is more fulfilling than any race or sports competition’. That is the world we are heading towards.
Now that is something, Suzanne!
Thank you for your great sharing of the harm that competitive sport causes for the athletes concerned. It is amazing how driven these people become in the pursuit of their goals. I agree that when one sees these people after their race etc., they often look totally exhausted and drained. More and more we are hearing stories of athletes suffering from depression. It is obviously so often extremely damaging to these people. While they are on the adrenalin high, they can appear to be so elated, but there is always the drop off from that point, often to an extremely low level.
On a slightly different note, I can remember doing long hikes with my late husband, pushing myself to keep up, all to prove that I could do it. But I can also remember the exhaustion I was truly feeling. I no longer push myself, but endeavour to regularly exercise to keep my body fit, but a very gentle exercise, mainly walking, not driven, but at a pace that feels right for my body.
I also try to the best of my ability to stay very connected to my body while I am exercising, which is a beautiful way to be with myself.
Stephen I love how you highlight the emptiness of sport with a real honest account of how it used to leave you feeling. Sport is championed in our society. How can we ever champion something that leaves people feeling so lost and empty?
Awesome piece of writing with a very important message for us all. No matter how hard we try we can never ever match the greatest feeling of all – just being ourselves (not doing just being). Love it!
Just being ourselves is the greatest feeling of all. What you have shared here is absolute gold Helen, thank you.
Hi Stephen, I feel that what you’ve shared here can also be applied to other areas of life where competition can rear its ugly head, within families, at work etc. We may not be physically beating another with our bodies as seen in sport and especially so the combat sports as I used to do many years ago – and to actually choose to engage my body in combat sports I had to harden extremely in order for my body to preform such actions; quite frankly it felt horrible and to feel the pain that came often from sparring with the much younger members of the club was disturbing. That these gorgeous children could cause serious harm when hardened as such. Competition, be it at work to be in the race for the promotion or in families to be ‘the favourite’ – at what cost? Would we strive and celebrate these behaviours if we added the input from our body? So that when the gold medal is given out we would say “Well done for choosing to harden your body to such an extreme that you cannot feel the pain you have caused yourself and another by physically beating them up; and once this celebration is over you will get to feel the affects of this moment long after the party in the form of stiffness, emptiness and other body pains and traumas that will completely override the excitement of receiving this small metal disk with a ribbon to place around your neck. A metal disk that will mean very little in the years to come, with more competitions asking to once again step up and ‘be the best’ again and again.” That would certainly put the over the top celebration (possibly a mask to what has been done to achieve such a goal?) into more perspective.
Very true Leigh – we can be driven by competition in many other aspects of our lives (not just sports), such as at work, within our family, with friends etc., and even though we may not be ‘physically beating another’, we are still emotionally bashing both ourselves and the other person.
Thank you Stephen for sharing your feelings and thoughts about sport. I have always avoided sport as much as possible as I always felt so uncomfortable about the competition – and then used that as an excuse to neglect the fact that to gently exercise my body might actually support it. I found other ways to distract me from my feelings that have been equally self-harming and like you have now found a way that supports both me and my body to live life in a way that is more self-loving. Gently exercise has been wonderful in supporting me to be more in touch with my body and how it works.
Thank you, Stephen. This blogs touches me deeply. I have never been an athlete, but the competitiveness, the drive to push myself at the cost of my physical body – is something I can totally resonate with, and I have worn a hard shell made out of these for as long as I can remember. Re-connecting with myself more and more, the hard shell has begun to dissolve, slowly but surely.
I never did competitive sport, but what I did do was compete with myself in the ‘solo sport’ of cycle touring. I relate to your bike experience Stephen, the big slog up those hills, pushing, dishonouring the body so as to prove to myself that I can make it though the obstacles to the ‘end’. Although I have many fond memories on the bike, there were many ways I justified this often arduous exercise, cycling with fully laden panniers packed with camping gear and everything except the kitchen sink. The scenery, the fitness, and being low-cost travel all seemed attractive. Well, I missed a lot of the scenery because I was too exhausted to appreciate it. The fitness came with ‘broken’ knees, and the low financial cost came with a depleted body. I usually toured alone, often caught up in my own mental games. The times I biked with others sometimes sparked a bit of competition, but generally there was very little connection because we were overwhelmed with the task at hand (and pedal) and the 120km of hills and wind ahead. Thanks Stephen to bringing the ridiculousness of excessive and hard exercise to the fore, and for presenting another way.
What you write Paul made me realise how I never cycled for the enjoyment of the fresh air or the scenery, or even the occasional companionship, every cycle was a punishment to get me from A-B as quickly as I could. I was so lost in the competition with myself and so hard on myself in that process. At every moment I was always looking for the end. I never cycle toured as I never like the idea of having anything attached to my bike that would slow me down. It was an endless pursuit of a goal I could never hope to reach because nothing I did in sport would ever be enough.
Wonderful blog Stephen. Lovely to read your transformation from overriding what your body was telling you and putting through enormous pain, to exercising within the bodies limits and creating a healthier more vital you. It’s beautiful to read how you came to the realization that truly connecting to yourself is far more fulfilling than any race or competition.
I could also feel the loneliness when you decribed how you were feeling afterwards. Like a man on top of a mountain, but nobody there to greet him. Certainly nobody there to truly meet him! When you are doing such extreme sports, I think the fellow sporters are only interested in miles, seconds, and next goals. Very revealing blog, thanks Stephen.
An interesting point Simone, that even in the company of fellow competitors, there is no real connection, just a focus on the tatics and goals. It does feel a lonely world, where the attention stays on the start and finishing lines and is never truly on the people taking part in the race.
It is so lovely, really inspiring and refreshing to here someone be honest with what they were really feeling in competitive sports. I don’t know much about competitive sports but am sure you express what many many others really feel but don’t say or truly want to acknowledge. It was also awesome to read how you have been inspired to reconnect to what you had felt for years but overridden because it wasn’t what society was telling you. You show there is another way to be and the body is worth listening to.
This brought to mind my experiences playing football where the nerves and adrenalin would run high before a game and during it. The body running on a fear to fuel it, many of us get drawn to those nerves and enjoy the buzz, much like how some people like scary films, it is a way to distract and numb the body from what is actually being felt.
Wow Stephen you have really blown the lid on the glamour of sport and competition from the elite down to playground levels. Your writing is so honest and real. “My body cannot hide how I truly feel after a sports competition – empty and sad.” I would be fascinated to hear from more sportsmen and women about their experiences and how the constant drive makes them feel.
I agree Rachel, it would be interesting to hear more about the experiences of sportsmen and women. I wonder if it’s all just considered part of the package of competing in sport – the highs and the lows and psyching themselves into and out of whatever state they are in.
Yes, I can imagine that the highs and lows are considered as part of the package. One elite olympic UK marathon runner springs to mind, Her natural tenderness, lightness and sweetness just oozes from her being and her essence is golden, but I can see how she counters that by pushing, striving and achieving, PUNISHING her body to get recognition and acceptance. Her emptiness from this position is very apparent and yet she is a very beautiful woman. It’s quite incredible to feel the lengths we go to, to abuse our bodies from a feeling of not being enough and having to achieve so that we can feel ok. What Stephen has so beautifully described is that when we reach our set goals it don’t bring the fulfilment we hoped it would… just a magnified emptiness.
Absolutely Jen. I also wonder how often sportsmen and women, override those post competition feelings of emptiness, with hard partying and socialising with others who had competed. When I used to run competitively, the races I entered were usually ones at weekends with lots of social events around them. There was no time to honour your body and how you felt after the race as it was straight to the pub to ‘celebrate’ By the time I got home I was already back training and planning the next race to enter. So looking back, the abuse I put my body through by pushing so hard in the race was compounded by the abuse I put it through by partying hard and was a pattern I repeated for years. How great to read your blog Stephen and be reminded how ‘Being with myself is more fulfilling than any race or sports competition and from that being, my potential living feels limit-less.’ I couldn’t agree more.
This is so true Jane, perhaps that is why sport and drinking go hand in hand so much, as one is there to negate the emptiness felt from the doing the other, this was certainly my experience, the more I trained for sport the more I also wanted to drink and often did. I never properly considered why before but I feel it was the futility of what I was doing and a way in which I could blot that out.
Jen. Sport can be a very healthy sport. The problems arise from those who play, how they beat themselves up, if things are not going their way.
I see the frustration on some of the guys I play golf with, they always want to win. If they play a bad shot, they behave like children having thrown their toys out of the pram. I have spoken to many, asking them why they behave as they do, no one has ever had a definitive answer.
I just tell them it is a friendly game to enjoy, look around and enjoy the birds, scenery, and the beauty of the day.
Very insightful look into the world of sports and competition
Wow, its amazing to read your article Stephen, I remember as a young woman really wanting to be good at a sport, I wasn’t, but as an adult I got very into off road cycling, pushing myself on long rides, usually feeling cold and my body aching and convincing myself that this was fun! it really wasn’t, I just liked the reward of chocolate or cakes at the end for enduring such a hard ride. I love what you have written here and completely agree, ‘Being with myself is more fulfilling than any race or sports competition and from that being, my potential living feels limit-less’, such a beautiful sharing Stephen, thank you.
This made me smile Rebecca, I remember doing many 3-4 hour training rides in the cold with the reward at the end of some kind of sweetener, chocolate or cake, probably both. I can also remember being so cold for the last hour of some rides that all I could think of was the reward of a hot shower. The rest of the day would always be spent in a kind of daze, too tired to do anything but too wired to sleep, not a great state to be in…..as the idiom goes, “no use to man nor beast”
Hi Rebecca, I too remember all the rewards I gave myself after a long run or completing a long race. Looking back I can feel it was all because deep down I knew the achievement or the recognition I got from doing well did not ever bring me what I was looking for – and so the food treats, or the alcohol or the heavy partying was merely a way of avoiding facing how I truly felt.
A great exposing of the emptiness of competitive sport. Coming second is to taste defeat and even the winner is only first until the next competition. There is always another hill to climb. Letting go of the pursuit of achievement and beating others or being in competition with yourself with the need to train, train, train, push, push, push is to let go of the sad emptiness and feel the joyful fullness of you.
Yes I know that one well Mary. Being in competition with myself. I took up cycling when I decided to let my horses go to new owners. Feeling I would enjoy gentle cycle rides in the countryside – It started with timing myself on a circuit – then it was replacing my seat with a gel seat so I could stay longer in the saddle without pain, my whole body was as you say being’ pushed’ to its limit. I was trying to fill the gaps of ‘sad emptiness’ with something! The joyful fullness did not arrive till a few years later – after trying many other ways of distracting myself from what was really going on. Great article Stephen thank you.
Thank you for bringing honesty to sport. I was never a really good athlete at school, not consistently but for a time I did enjoy running. I ran through the beautiful property I grew up on, through the mountains and across the creeks but only for fun. I was acutely aware of the things around me, the birds, the wild flowers, the sway of the wind in the trees. One day I decided to try out for cross country at school because I realized that what I did naturally at home was probably something I could apply in this sporting area. I was accepted by the school into cross country and was given a special eating program and extra food from the other boarders at the private school I attended. This felt special but also awful as the other students who were not sports people looked on at the privileges we got in front of them. Each morning I got up early and trained in ways I had never done before. Gone was the joy of the outdoors and being with myself. Now I was pushing myself in ways I never had before and overriding what I truly felt in my body. I now focused on those ahead and tried to shorten the gap and those behind and tried to lengthen the gap. I felt torn and I hated being pitched against my friends in this way. Unsurprisingly, I did not have a long athletic career but I never knew until I studied the work of Serge Benhayon why this was….competitive sport is not a loving activity for humans and everything in everyone’s body will tell you that. Thank you for reminding us all about the emptiness of competition.
When you put it like that, it is easy to see how competition completely took the enjoyment out of something you were doing naturally. I agree competitive sport is not a loving activity for us to do, it sets us up against one another, which is something we do not need at all.
Thank you Ruth, your example clearly shows us how we lose our natural joy with ourselves and with nature when we bring in expectations, goals, achievements and competition. Suddenly our friends become competitors and our relationships take a turn for the worse. I am glad your career was short lived and Stephen’s example here also shows us that there is so much more to enjoy in life when we are able to feel enough just being ourselves.
What a beautiful sharing Ruth that shows us all how competition taints and separates us into being better than or less than others with the need of having ‘shorten the gap to the people in front of us and lengthen the gap to the ones behind us’ instead of coming from a position of equality. This principle based on comparison can be applied to every facet of life our lives from the needing and wanting a better house, car, job, relationship or more of anything than as many others as you can. An attitude without doubt leads to comparison and feeds the ultimate evil, jealousy.
This is great Stephen. Realisation of “being with myself is more fulfilling than any race or sports competition and from that being, my potential living feels limit-less,” is absolutely monumental. Way to go!
These feelings of emptiness that you reflect on, I can totally relate to as I ended up pursuing extreme sports in my mid thirties as a last resort (I had always disliked physical exertion in my youth) because other aspects of my life weren’t ticking the box in resolving the emptiness I was left with, after the euphoria wore off, from another job promotion, buying a newer car or having another child, to name only the big ticket items.
Thanks to the presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I completely understand not only why I pursued these avenues (in desperation) but more so now know who I am and that I was missing this re-connection with my inner-self that led to the ongoing emptiness that outside influences could never be substitute replacement for.
Great blog Stephen. I agree with your writing:
“There is another way to be that respects your own body and doesn’t rely on outdoing others or being faster or fitter or stronger to feel amazing.
Being with myself is more fulfilling than any race or sports competition and from that being, my potential living feels limit-less.”
I used to love teamsports: the having a goal together (winning) and fighting for that. That has changed: for me, there can’t be real joy if it means another has to be less.
“Being with myself is more fullfilling” … I love that you share that. Being with ourselves is more fullfilling, more fullfilling than anything else in the world.
It sure is Mariette.
A beautiful blog Stephen. Beautifully written with a beautiful message. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you Stephen, ” I stop when I’m tired. I feel lighter on my feet and eat foods to nourish me.” I can feel the difference in this line, the joy in listening to our body. Stopping when we are tired is such a simple thing, one that makes a huge difference to our life and body.
“Stopping when we are tired is such a simple thing.” – That’s it Gyl, and learning to listen and feel this moment and then honour the body by giving it the rest it asks for. Not just in sport, but in life throughout.
I love your writing style Stephen, the first half had me gripped like an exciting novel and the second half was a beautiful ending to that exciting novel. Have you ever thought about writing a novel?
What a true insight into the damage and pain that competitive sport brings. I like how you said “competitive sports are within me, a part of how I identify myself.” I can relate to that from early childhood, school etc. It was just normal behaviour. Inspiring, how you have turned yourself around to truly listen to and honour how you and your body truly feels. Well done
It is amazing Stephen, the extent we override how we truly feel, to live up to some ideal of what is presented to us as “normal”, the idea that anyone would put their body through such a constantly grueling experience in the name of pleasure and or health. And this is only one speck in the huge amount of things I also used to do and some people do every second of the day. It’s incomprehensible really.
Thank you Stephen for your hones sharing on sports competition. I can feel that when we seek recognition and try to fill up the lack of self-esteem by utilising sport that this will exhaust our bodies in such an excessive way, that this must result in a deep feeling of sadness because deep inside we know we are enough and that there is no reason at all to hurt ourselves that much to gain for something that is is waiting deep inside for us to be found. So it is so beautiful to read that you have found this inner beauty and do not need any form of abuse to your body anymore to fully appreciate yourself. The line “I am more with myself around others so they get a much better version of me” summarises it all for me, that is where we should dedicate our lives to and this goal will not ask any harming of ourselves.
Being fit doesn’t equal being healthy. I was the most unhealthy when I was the most fit. I looked great, lean and toned and was eating mostly all organic food, but then got chronic fatigue. It made no sense. How I looked on the outside had no resemblance to the sadness and emptiness I was feeling on the inside, and the running and kayaking just gave me false highs and exhausted my body in the process.
That would be great to research – what is the incidence of chronic fatigue and exhaustion in athletes?
That is a great idea, Jen, to do a research project on chronic fatigue and exhaustion in athletes. It could go further, and investigate many other possible health problems, especially ankle and knee problems as well as serious other health issues that may be the result of pushing oneself with athletic pursuits..
Yes Jen, and to research depression in athletes too.
‘What is the incidence of chronic fatigue and exhaustion in athletes?’- That is an excellent question Jen.. After reading it I had the impulse to do a little research, and discovered that not only do athletes commonly have exhaustion, but many have been diagnosed with what is called the ‘Overtraining Syndrome’, which has symptoms including persistent fatigue and frequent illness. Quite shocking that by working themselves so hard many have developed a physical disorder.
I overtrained once while doing triathlon and it was quite horrible. I was so tired and lethargic that even the smallest tasks seem insurmountable, and quite depressed as well where nothing seems worthwhile. This lasted for about two weeks. Quite a large step away from the wellness we associate with sports. Never again!
A friend trains for iron man competitions and I remember him saying he was asking his coach what’s the point of being one of the fittest men in Australia if there is only 3 or 4 times a year, when he actually feel fit and strong? The rest of the time he feels shattered, exhausted from the constant training. When I asked him why he does it then, his reply was, with a shake of his head, ‘I ask myself that a lot’. He is still in training and still competing at a high level, which shows me how difficult it is to see clearly what’s going on for the body.
This blog helped me bring much more understanding to what drives people to push their bodies so hard. It was really beautiful to read about the way you cried when you allowed yourself to feel the emptiness after the race was over Stephen. Many people indulge in alcohol and other substances after completing major sporting races and events – I feel this may be a way people try to avoid feeling the emptiness you describe. Thank you for sharing this Stephen – it is very relatable and inspiring.
It’s so interesting how we can get so caught up in empty – and damaging – pursuits, be they for hobbies or career. Have you seen a ballet dancer’s toes? If you have, you’ll know how brutal this ‘art form’ really is, and how it has nothing to do with love and everything to do with glamour… likewise those who climb Everest, happy to sacrifice fingers and toes in the process. It’s amazing what we can tell ourselves – and champion as success!
Brutal indeed. And the sacrificing of lives too Victoria. 260 people have died and remain on Mt Everest and yet we continue to push ourselves, risking our lives, to put a flag on top of the mountain – all for the sake of human endeavors – not to mention the tonnes of waste (and excrement) left behind on the mountain, leaving communities down river without clean drinking water. Our championing of success has all sorts of unconsidered effects.
Wow, Jen and Victoria, you add a whole new angle to the mix. Yes brutal these pursuits are and when put like that they don’t make sense! Risking lives, (and losing them) and damaging our bodies and communities is crazy just for the sake of an ideal that we have interpreted as “success”. How can climbing Mount Everest be a good thing if these are the effects of championing success, and as Stephen so honestly describes, the emptiness we are left in by the end of it.
Indeed Victoria, this is crazy how human beings allow themselves to suffer in the name of sport.
Sporting competition has never been my ‘thing’ but I can relate to the weary and aching muscles that were the result of gym work and the competition of my own making: to make myself work harder with the weights and the medicine ball to get the ‘body’ that would make me look better than anyone else. Sure, I got the body: a hardened version of my ‘old’ body plus exhaustion. It took a number of illnesses to have me listen to my body, but, eventually I did with a ‘little bit’ of help from Serge Benhayon’s presentations and Universal Medicine.
Stephen, your blog clearly describes the duplicity people have to live with when they take exercising beyond what is healthy for their bodies. It also strikes me that there are strong parallels also with how anyone feels when they get caught up in competitiveness and striving to outdo others in anything they do. I especially love your comment ‘Being with myself is more fulfilling than any race or sports competition and from that being, my potential living feels limit-less.’ What great medicine for the body!
What an inspiring blog Stephen…this is one that needs to be shared around to many people. It can help crack the sports consciousness. I can remember when I was in the Royal Australian Air force we had to push ourselves in physical activity all the time and I would always get a lot of pain in my head, ears and the front of my legs every time. It was my body’s way of telling me enough is enough, this is not true for my body. But I didn’t listen to the body back then. It was all about I have to do these certain exercises, by a certain time and push through the pain.Today their is no way that I could harm body like that. I know now that the body talks to us all the time if we listen and to truly honour what it is telling us. I agree with you my deepest appreciation also goes out to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for showing me too a different way to be. Thank you for sharing… it will make such a difference in many peoples lives…. if they too listen to their bodies.
Than you Stephen. The more people like yourself share their experiences of the addiction to pushing the body to such extremes, the more supportive it will be for others to ‘come out’. Your honesty about the impact on your body is only possible because you have connected to the precious and truly beautiful YOU, onto which such abuse is not required or needed.
Yes well said Bernadette, it is not until we re-connect to the tender and precious person we are that we can recognise competitive sports is an actual abuse to our body.
That is quite an honest reflection on what competitive sports are all about; for many sports people I know it is not an easy thing to admit to as they are so convinced of the alleged good it brings to them. The change from treating the body like a machine or instrument for what ever one wants to achieve, expecting it to function and seeking maintenance not healing when it doesn’t, to listening to the body as a friend and care for it is huge.
Well said Alex; it’s quite inspirational that Stephen has begun listening to his body, after so many years of ignoring and mistreating it – pushing it right to its limits.
What a poignant blog which has me wondering how many other activities are completed in the pursuit of that emptiness that Stephen speaks of, and how much of life is dedicated to the same, or to masking the truth of the emptiness that has been pursued?
I have felt similarly Catherine, I am aware of that emptiness I felt in sports competition and how those same feelings are replicated in other areas of life where there is not really any meaning to the activity. Leisure time is a great example of this, having too much downtime becomes quite empty to me as it lacks the purpose there is in work. We can crave these activities but often when we get them we can really see the value in working and the meaning there is in doing so.
So true Stephen. When there is too much down time, I feel a constant tension in my body. It is actually uncomfortable and the moment I return what is truly needed, I feel lighter and clearer. It is purpose, not rest, that re-energizes me.
Great blog Stephen….I loved the line “I can concentrate on tasks and engage with people with clarity and purpose. I can share more fun, more joy and loving moments with others, no longer distracted by this solitary, self-centred pursuit of feelings of emptiness that competitive sports always brought me”. When I’ve watched competitive sports – especially triathalon kinda things – I have often been struck by the solo-ness of it and now after reading your blog – I can see that I also felt the emptiness of it all. And have witnessed that in people as well – like at the end of it – they go – really – is that what this is for? I thought it would be different. Thank you for sharing that it can be different.
I knew a lady that was drastically underweight, exhausted, constantly anxious and had serious digestive problems. She was telling me how concerned she was about her weight and how she just couldn’t keep it on.
When I asked if she felt the many miles she ran daily (she ran marathons) combined with her hours at the gym contributed to this weight loss, she said it would be inconceivable to cut back as it was what kept her ‘going’, it was her lifeline. It was at this point I felt it was what kept her ‘going’ – kept her in her anxiety, her exhaustion and numb to the problems she was avoiding. And I felt how it is impossible to run away from your problems – no matter how fast you run, how hard you ride or how far you swim.
‘And I felt how it is impossible to run away from your problems – no matter how fast you run, how hard you ride or how far you swim.’ That is so true. You can go to the other side of the world to ‘escape’ only you can’t because you take it all with you!
That’s an amazing insight Alison. That is so interesting that we do something that is obviously impacting onour health, but we consider it a lifeline. The power we give to our beliefs.
There can certainly be a lot of confusion and issues to face when we stop identifying ourselves as athletes or competitors. I would imagine many wouldn’t consider giving up sporting competition as it becomes difficult to grasp what life is about, there come a lot of questions. When you have identified with playing games and sport it is hard to see beyond that to who you are and is something I am still learning to do.
So true Alison, ‘how it is impossible to run away from your problems – no matter how fast you run, how hard you ride or how far you swim’. I smile now at this comment, but can totally relate to how I used to be in what you describe. I was an expert in numbing myself, so I would not feel the underlying hurts and issues.
Now, I can see how that was just a trap, I have now chosen to honour and nurture myself, choosing to be with myself, and this brings a contentment and joy to my life.
Great sharing Stephen….after many many years of physical pursuits & competition I also came to the realisation that they were empty pursuits done at the expense of my health & wellbeing. The never ending pursuits & goals & all for what? A trophy, the accolades, the recognition? The pushing through, overriding the common sense messages from my body as a result of being so focused on an end goal.
None of this is needed or wanted when I connect to the precious & gentle stillness within. I have found something so much more amazing and exquisite than any competition or sport could give me…the loveliness & simplicity of me.
Lovely comment Marika, I imagine that your life could not be more different nowadays, living from the tender sweetness of being a woman rather than the drive and hardening of the body to compete and induce high levels of physical exertion (and pain). It is terribly sad to see women denature themselves in order to become something they are not, rather than the ‘loveliness & simplicity’ you describe.
So true Marika, it is so often overlooked how much sport and exercise is done at the expense of our wellbeing, when wellbeing can so wonderfully be the central focus of the exercise routine we choose to do.
I have never been very fit or participated in competitive sport, but can totally relate to your article. You write: “……that pushing, pushing, pushing will bring me the rewards I seek. The satisfaction of another goal conquered, another box ticked.” This is how I was in my life – every day started with a list and I only thought I had achieved something or had a good day if I pushed through to tick all the boxes. If I had not done enough, it wasn’t a good day. At the time I also paid no attention to how I completed my tasks or how I felt while doing them. If I was exhausted I pushed more, usually being very irritable and frustrated with everyone I had to deal with along the way. I have since learnt through the support of Universal Medicine, that the ‘how’ is much more important than the end result – how I feel, how present I am, how I interact and connect with everyone around me. These are the things I now value and appreciate.
I agree Carmin – pushing ourselves is more definitely not confined to competitive sport, although it is a very clear example. I also know that list and tick boxing is a massive thing, and so many people including myself fall for measuring our worth based on the amount you did that day, or the parts that where praised.
Stephen this is a great insight into competitive sports and what is truly going on for someone competing at that level. I had never considered that it was not just about beating another but about beating yourself also. (how appropriate those words are) The turn around to where you are now with yourself and your body is quite extraordinary. There is no longer a beating of yourself but a true caring. That is inspiration.
By the sounds of what you have written, it actually makes me go … That sounds terrible … and torturing for a human body and all for what?
It is the opposite of healthy, I used to do triathlons as well and you feel driven, and while you’re going you push through like you have purpose. While doing Triathlons your body is in pain, so you’re hurting the whole way through and they don’t last forever either, so you get to the end and it’s what now?
I totally agree with you Ariel, it sounds and feels like torture, and ends with an emptiness that asks “what now?” And all the time the body is yelling “no more” and is not being heard until it is stopped, usually very painfully. Definitely not a loving way to live.
I agree Ariel, I use to do competitive swimming as a young teenager with lots of training morning and night. I use to push my body to see how far it could go and it was all about being better or the best which is awful to feel. It was all about seeking recognition and using that as a substitute for love. Sad, empty but true.
“Being myself is more fulfilling”- as you say in your writing .
But also it’s more for all of us as well, for those of us who meet you. A gentle kind sweet man, thank you.
So true John, we get the true, gentle beautiful Stephen, and not the goal driven, endlessly seeking, exhausted Stephen.
I agree Alison, Stephen is an inspiration with bringing more of his tenderness to share with all, a definite plus and completely different feeling from the “goal driven, endlessly seeking, exhausted Stephen.”
That is so beautifully said John, very honouring of Stephen and his expression, just lovely.
I agree Karina, it is extremely honouring of Stephen. John, it is lovely how you are celebrating Stephen and appreciating him for who he is and what he brings – something the world could do with more of!
Well said John, it is more for us too, who now meet a very gentle, warm man who knows who he truly is and no longer has to slog it out to prove anything to himself or others. What a true treasure!
A great blog about the emptiness that is the reality behind the pursuit of competitive sport. ‘Being with myself is more fulfilling than any race or sports competition’ -a great line. It is only when we lose that true connection to ourselves that we look for surrogate ways, no matter how physically punishing, to give us some short lived sense of fulfilment, achievement and identification.
Beautifully written story of the “what is not”. I think all of us have had life times of trying one thing after another (including so called failure) to discover as you have described that is not it. I remember flying first class and staying in the poshest 5 room royal suite in a 6 star hotel and feeling the utter emptiness of it. Throughout life I have succeeded and experienced so many of these conquests as you describe and always experienced “this is not it”. At times I have felt a “this is it” such as in a brief encounter with another person, a moment in nature, a heartfelt sharing but these have been fleeting. It was not until I met Serge Benhayon that I got to truly understand “the what is” from the “the what is not” and the joy of living that way in connection to myself and others.
I had to laugh Nicola at your speaking of staying in the ‘poshest’ place in a hotel – and what springs to mind is the emptiness that you can actually feel emanating from some folk while they are playing this “old/new money” game. I read once the words of a wise man who expressed that the greatest riches are to be found within, and I feel that a large spoonful of these wise words could be offered up along with the ‘special diets’ that many of the super-fit athletes partake of – offering the possibility of they discovering also the difference between as you say “the what is” and “the what is not” and the opportunity to truly shine.
These sharings remind me of a business person who enjoys the process of getting rich but doesn’t know what to do with the money once they get there. The purpose is in the work, the process and the service of doing your job and the end result of being rich and/or retiring actually contains none of the satisfaction. I would relate that to exercise in that I find I now enjoy the process of the exercise without the need for there to be any result attached, other than more appreciation and ability to feel what my body needs.
Nicola a great observation. I’ve experienced ‘This is not it’ moments often, particularly after sitting exams or receiving results, in fact anything you push yourself towards in the belief that it will bring recognition or acceptance can be the same. The pure joy of ‘This is it’ moments in life is more expansive and deeply felt.
Hi Kehinde – yes, I’m the same. I have experienced many let downs after striving hard to achieve something only to find that whatever it was I had worked so hard for, wasn’t ‘it’. I was still left with an emptiness that hadn’t been filled through my achievements or the recognition I had gained. The good thing now is that when I experience such feelings I can recognise what has been happening and know that I have lost myself somewhere along the way. It makes a world of difference to me to know I don’t have to go into beating myself up – I just need to re-discover and align myself again with my core being.
Well said Nicola. When we pursue the ‘what is not’ it is always an external achievement and reward, something that is out of reach and we have to get to it. In complete contrast the ‘what is’ comes from within. It is an expression of our innate and divine qualities and is infinitely more nourishing, full-filling and amazing.
Stephen what an absolute delight to think that you felt and were able to re ignite your own true fire within, by simply recognising the feelings you had in your body. “Now I know if a feeling comes from within my body it is always true and that it’s infinitely self-caring to respect it.” Respect and support yourself to a life of full vitality and joy, absolutely awesome.
Great article Stephen. Although I have pushed myself in physical activity it was not to compete or to better myself (in the sporting sense), I never enjoyed it and ended up not exercising as I know that I didn’t want to exercise in that way. For years I knew I had to exercise, but I thought that my incidental activity during the day was enough. Which it very clearly wasn’t. I really appreciate hearing your story Stephen as it allows me to appreciate and begin to understand ‘the other side of the coin’ so to speak. To understand where that drive comes in exercising in a way that is forceful. It’s almost no different than any other behaviour that we may have that we use to ignore the things in life that we need to address.
I agree Jen, Stephans example is applicable to all areas of life – ignoring the way we feel and overriding our bodies will inevitably lead to a feeling of emptiness, because they way you live is based on recognition and doing well – I can definitely say this is something I still do, and the thing with recognition is it never fills your empty cup because all that can fill you up is yourself.
The impression I got was that exercise was another form of addiction.
Wow Stephen, your sharing brings it home in great detailed reality how it is for athletes in the push, slog and drive…and what then. The transformation you describe turns on its head the commonly held concept of fitness or health. Beautifully written.
I agree Kate, the big issue is “what then”. That is when the come down occurs for most athletes. Just to do it again and again, just to prove they can do it. But there will always be the let-down.
Hi Stephen – thank you for your amazing story of unfolding your awesome self.
I have often wondered what ‘super-fit athletes’ were thinking/feeling as they slogged it out with often a look on their faces that could have been carved out of rock, so set, rigid and hard not truly seeing anything of truth and beauty around them as they worked out. It seems at times that there may be a misperception that others will see them as ‘better’ human beings, ‘role models’ for others to look up to and place on a pedestal of sorts – and for what I wonder – is there such a lack of inner joy just for being themselves or have the old and painful hurts of long ago so ingrained one from distancing themselves from their true selves and truly from life and everyone else in the process. Thankfully it is possible for us to make another choice and to see there is another way of being – a way of livingness.
Well said Roberta. The true prize in life is not to feel the need to be put up on or put others up on a pedestal in the first place.
Awesome honest account Stephen of your gradual understanding of what was really underneath sport for you. I also get the sense that not only do you not have to outdo others by being involved in competitive bike racing anymore but you don’t have to outdo your self and push your body beyond what it naturally feels to do. Thank you.
That is a great point raised – Stephen has come to the ” understanding within himself that he doesn’t have to out do himself or anyone”. As you say we all benefit. It is too easy to go into ‘thinking’ we need to be better than another or even match up to them, which is crazy really as we have all made different choices and so it is impossible to compare. Take the gym, for example, I am not the biggest of guys nor have I really ever tried to be so to think or even try to lift the weights that I see others do would be crazy. They more than likely have put much more time and effort into developing this area of their lives and their physical body than I have and so understandably so they can lift bigger weights, it does not make me any less for not being able.
I agree Jennifer, the mindset in so many competitive sports these days is ‘no pain no gain’ but in a very intense sense of the word – crippling your body in the pursuit of glory is normal, but what Stephen has presented is the possibility of a different way to live and a different form a glory.
Well said Rebecca – i love how you have exposed the possibility that the sports focused pursuit of glory is in fact not glory at all. If anything it is the exact opposite of it.
Hear hear Marcia and Rebecca. How can anything be glorious that cripples our precious body, without which we cannot live on earth. Many many sports hero and heroines end up very sick or psychologically suffering and this is rarely brought to the public’s attention. The after affects of using the body this way, to gain temporary satisfaction, is devastating. This is a cheap imitation kind of glory as you have both implied.
Yes Rebecca, that term ‘no pain no gain’ is something I still hear quite often. It’s as if we human beings expect that pain has to be part of the process if we are to be successful in life. The question is what have we come to believe success is? Have we got it all wrong? We praise the athlete that pushes themselves, but do we give as much value and praise to how loving our relationships are for example?
Definitely Jennifer – I have that too where sometimes I will do something that I know disregards my body, to not only prove to others than I’m ‘better’, but also to prove to myself that I’m not ‘weak’
Susie i can resonate with what you share , i still find myself doing that sometimes. A work in progress to be more nurturing with myself.
I know what you mean Susie, I too sometimes find myself disregarding my true feelings to be liked or fit it in. Why do we do this? Could it be there is a lack somewhere, a lack of love for ourselves that’s needs to be fulfilled by recognition and acceptance from others, a need to win the race or be stronger than someone else! It is ironic that we need to put ourselves through these things when all along what we seek is on the inside waiting patiently for us to re-connect to it, then we will truly have won the race, the race back to who we truly are, and that medal can never be taken away from us.
In reality, it is not a race of course, because we will all get there, in our own time.
Yes, Jennifer it was beautiful to read how Stephen developed a deeper relationship with himself in which harm had no place. An inspiration.
Stephen, Thank you for sharing this moving and insightful account of your experience with competition sport – We are set up from such a young age to think competition is ‘normal and healthy??’ -and we are wrong to not enjoy it – yet it is always looking for external recognition – your description of the emptiness that follows was so touching – it knocks all the glamour out of the activity – it is such a trick – I wish you could send this to every school.
Absolutely Debra, ‘We are set up from such a young age to think competition is ‘normal and healthy??’ -and we are wrong to not enjoy it’, I never enjoyed sport or competition as a young woman growing up at school, I was usually the last to be picked for a sports team, which already made me feel like a failure before the game had even began, there was no fun or joy in the sports for me, it was all about how well you had performed compared to the other children or the other team, and I usually hadn’t performed very well, this wasn’t in any way enjoyable for me, it just made me feel like I wasn’t good enough or fast enough – not very supportive for a young woman finding her way in the world.
This was my experience too Rebecca, I can remember my first ever race in grade one. I ran a heat and won and then ate a pie. While eating the pie I was told that this was not the thing to do as it would make me be slower for the next heat. Subsequently, I lost the next heat. I do wonder just how soul impulsed it was to eat the pie, as maybe if I had won, then maybe I too would have been as entrenched in competition as Stephen was. Mm maybe a moment to thank soul for.
I agree Debra, competition isn’t healthy in the way it can put friend against friend, tear people down and seriously compromise the body all the in name of ‘winning’. But in the end what have you won? A moment of glory in which your podium is the crushed feelings of all the other competitors, and then the physical damage done, and the empty feeling after of ‘ was it all worth it?”.
Yes Rebecca, great. . . . and it leaves us with the thought that ‘I might be “top” now, but how soon will it be that someone else topples me and I will have lost that position and become a “loser” again’. The whole competition thing leaves us all subtly viewing others as a threat – it does nothing at all for true relationship. Niente!
I agree Debra with your words describing the ‘normal/healthy’ belief about competitive-ness in sport/fitness and I find this consciousness perpetuates still in the mindset and thinking of many folk/and their children we know even today to the point of vehemently and aggressively defending this belief system. Wouldn’t it be truly healthy if others we know well could embrace and lovingly choose to see the possibility of there being another way to feel fulfilled – perhaps even from the inside out.
I never actually thought about what really happens when a sportsmen finished with his goal, but now after reading your blog, I can feel and understand why so many people don’t stop after achieving a goal in sport. Every time they don’t feel how they expected to feel, they are still as empty as before the race, it has not made them better or more ‘happy’ so to say.. It is about the connection with yourself and not the goals we set.
Absolutely right Benkt, “It is about the connection with yourself and not the goals we set”, and thanks to Universal Medicine I am re-connecting to myself and finding less need to drive myself to those goals.
Sandra, yes absolutely about connection, when we feel that connection there is no drive or doing. It’s just that sense of being and allowing. Something I am really working on and unfolding in mylife.
I have come to realise that yes, it is all about connection Amita. The more I feel connected to my body, the less I need to strive for things on the outside, or feel the need to compete with others, this is when I feel enough, just being with me, awesome.
Well said Benkt and when we make that connection with ourselves, so much changes, as Stephen has shown us. Some people may find it very challenging, as everything they have focussed their lives on suddenly changes its meaning, but it is such a worthwhile and fulfilling choice to make, to connect to who we truly are inside and honour our body in all we do. Feeling joyful is not based on any achievement, it arises from cherishing ourselves.
I totally agree Benkt, that is a great awareness. And when you are in that connection with yourself, there is no need to win because you don’t feel lost.
I agree Benkt, it does explain the constant need that many people feel, not just in sports, to constantly be doing – work, family, education, sports ect because when what you do is not done with all of you it will never be enough.
So True Benkt, it really is super insidious at how this all actually works. You feel empty, so search for something to fulfil you. You achieve a goal, hoping to feel fulfilled, to instead still feel the emptiness that was there before. Then in comes the next possible goal that we believe will fulfil us and so on. Yet nothing does until we connect deeply to ourselves. We are the only true fulfilment that there is.
I totally relate to this cycle. For me it was exactly the same whether the goal of the moment was at that time sport, exams or work. I followed the same pattern, with the same results.
So true Benkt, it’s like being trapped on the hamster wheel going round and round, its a trap that keeps us searching and driving to get that elusive feeling of joy, happiness , fulfilment, achievement etc., As you say,’It is about the connection with yourself and not the goals we set.’ When you connect with yourself and honour yourself, everything changes, the emptiness is replaced by a more joyful life and way of being.
This is so true, I know many people I come across, mostly at work who talk about their cycling, triathlons, marathons, they all talk about it as though it is how to truly be healthy and exercise, that being in competition is how to spend their weekends and time away from their families. I learned from a colleague recently, there was a new saying in his cycling circles, his wife had been complaining of being a ‘cycling widow’, he was sharing this like it was really funny. I didn’t laugh as I thought it was really awful, that he obviously spent so much time away from her and she clearly said she didn’t like it, then to be labelled as such. All in the name of getting fit, having healthy competition in ones life. It didn’t feel like that to me.
Stephen that is an amazing story. I have always wondered what drives ‘extreme’ exercise, since it is something I cannot relate to. However, I do relate to going to extremes to achieve a goal in other areas of my life, and the same feeling of emptiness and sadness that sat underneath the pursuit. I too have been inspired by Serge Benhayon to find another way to be.
Dear Stephen, dear Anne,
I can relate to both. Playing for long years in teams like handball, softball or even dancing seemed to me be fulfilling as there is the aspect of a team. But honestly the affects are the same if you achieve or not achieve your goal. You fight and compete against each other. And you exhaust your body, to the point that it really hurts or gets injured.
The same pattern was in other parts of my life – constantly overriding my body an d pushing it into exhaustion. Crazy what we do, isn’t it?
So true Sonja in how we use the same energy when we push through life with the goal of being recognised in the need to fill an emptiness.
There are definitely many positives in being a part of a team, and we should never underestimate the benefits to mental wellbeing of being amongst others in a social environment, it is more in the competitive side that we need to assess and question. What are we really looking for when we drive ourselves to be a success, and if we get there is it really what we hoped it would be.
Anne I can relate to what you share, I have never been into sports or the drive of it. But I too have been caught in the extreme to achieve other goals in life, so can completely relate to the feeling of sadness and emptiness of the drive. But with the inspiration of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have found another way to be.
Absolutely Anne, It’s like we are our own worse drivers when we are not connected in knowing that we are already enough. As you mentioned, if it is not competitive sport there will no doubt be something in which we will use that drive and push ourselves and our body to extremes.
Very true Marcia what you are writing – apart from sport I had so many drives in my life, e.g. a drive to gain knowledge, a drive to better myself… And I pushed my body to limits without really listening to my body. Thanks to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon which showed me another way to live – our natural way of living, connected with everybody and the universe.
What a brilliant and honest exploration of how competitive sport affects the body Stephen. It is becoming more evident that many high performing athletes suffer from depression, or feelings of emptiness, and it might explain why some resort to drugs and stimulants, as the unrelenting pressure is too much to feel. Your choices to listen to and honour your body, and how you are enjoying this connection, is inspiring for all, and especially so for other athletes.
I agree Bernadette. I remember when I was young first hearing about how athletes would push themselves till they were physically sick, and I just couldn’t understand it. However at the same time, although not everyone is a sports enthusiast, we all have areas of our lives, at work or home or school or in relationships, where we push ourselves too far and yet it is never enough. Stephan’s sharing can be applied anywhere, that respect for the body and listening to its signals builds a healthy relationship to sport or life in general.
I agree, Rebecca. without listening to the knowing of the body, we miss out on the signals on what is true for us to do and what is not, and this is how we end up far removed from health and well being.
Absolutely right Janet, so far removed from health and wellbeing. I have never really been into sport apart from a spell at the gym and lots of walking, both to control my weight. I have worked in a sports club and have seen many people drive themselves really hard, competing against each other, ending up with injuries, aches and pains, complete exhaustion, with even odd heart attack thrown in. Stephens article is an inspiration and shows us all that there is another way exercise, and listening and respecting our bodies is a big step to true health and well being.
So true Rebecca, I pushed myself with exercise in exactly the same way as I pushed myself with academic studies, and then at work; there was no difference, and the short lived blip of the adrenaline rush I got when I experienced success was also the same, as was the voice that followed, the voice that said ‘that wasn’t good enough’, the voice of doubt. It certainly wasn’t a fulfilling way to live.
Rebecca great point it is not only in sports we push ourselves, but there are many areas we do that, and it is something definitely worth reflecting on.
So true Bernadette, from my time at school I have definitely noticed a correlation between those doing competitive sports and those who turn to abuse drugs, many of whom are then forced to quit the sport due to addiction and health issues
That’s a great insight you had Oliver, an addiction to sport, drugs and alcohol abuse are both part of the same thing, both a cry for help and feeding the emptiness we feel inside.
Dear Stephen, I personally have never been a sports person. So reading your blog so supports what I see in professional athletes. When watching the Olympics, for example. I see smiles on the winners faces, but I also see an exhausted body. If sport and competition were fulfilling and supporting of our soul, then in no way could drugs or alcohol be consumed by any athlete, yet they are and sometimes to excess. Are they being used to numb the feelings that you so honestly described. Bless your sharing, you are a clear role model for any sports enthusiast, also for any ones who is pushing themselves in any way to get and maintain fitness. A role model that clearly shows the pushing, drive to be fit is not the way. That instead a commitment to honour our bodies, part of this honour being to exercise gently. Wow, what you have shared can and will change many peoples approach to how they care for their bodies. Personally, I never used to exercise, other than to walk. This is something I have done for years, however my walk used to be a driven harsh walk. Walking to loose weight. Now I am committed to doing a gentle exercise regime most days and to walking enjoying my walks, feeling the flow of my body, and living the deep connection to self that I feel when I walk, along with the deep connection to nature. Pure gold for my body.
What a beautiful response Leigh, I totally agree that those who read this blog can feel the truth in Stephen’s words and it shows us another way to be.
Hi Leigh,
I liked competition – I liked it a lot. The adrenalin rush was the most addictive part and I found I can have it in sport, playing cards, even in business.
I didn’t care whether I would feel flat afterwards – hello to alcohol! After all the hangover the next day was just a physical pain and I didn’t really feel flat.
What I learned in the last 12 years – and I didn’t know this – was just how bad I would feel the next day – tired, irritable, on edge, generally unpleasant. I didn’t put it together with the adrenalin rush from the day before but the more my awareness increased the more I started to have a choice beforehand.
This meant that the possibility of an adrenalin rush now came with the awareness of all the misery afterwards and after a while the awareness of the unpleasant part became stronger and stronger, which made it very easy to drop further adrenaline rushes.
Later on I found the same was true for all emotions as well. Life without getting upset or elated is so much nicer.
Christoph this is a great comment. I too loved competitive sport for all sorts of reasons but once I found alcohol I couldn’t do it anymore as I would feel too bad on a Saturday morning after friday night. So I never let sport go in a sense but have in the last year been revisiting exercise as I had never really done any other than walk for the last few years. I have found it an interesting and revealing journey, one where consistency is key and one I have avoided. Recently committing to doing exercise everyday has supported my being-ness so much it has been very revealing and supportive.
I agree Vanessa,
Exercise is so much nicer than competing and the body stays fresh all day from exercise.
Competing or exercising hard gives you an endorphine rush so you feel really great for a few minutes but then there is the letdown and the result of straining the body. That is not quite so nice.
Beautiful expression Leigh. How true that if sport and competition were healing and of the soul no drugs or alcohol would need to be consumed.
How crazy is competition ? And how amazing is it to respect one’s own body. Thank you for sharing, Stephen.
I agree Kirsten. Its true that disregarding the body seems to be a key component, and often something heralded, of most competition.
Competitive sport is extremely disregarding on your body, just the grueling training hours are hard enough, let alone the emotional turmoil that occurs in daily life. Some may ask, what are they truly winning? Winning who can sculpt their body into the ultimate machine designed by the sport they are competing in.
Kerstin, I agree competition is a weird invention and not natural to us at all,. My son who is eight now has tried several sports and has always come back from it with disillusion. First because he did not like losing, but very much also because he did not like the physical hurt that always came with it. Now we go swimming as much as possible to exercise and to have fun!
Katinka I’ve experienced the same with my boys when they chose to play football. The overriding factor was that they were exhausted afterwards, my 3 year old kept coming to me during practice and collapsing on top of me and after a while just didn’t want to go anymore. I’m so glad I had the insight to honour that and not make it about the financial outlay. Love this line Stephen, ‘if a feeling comes from within my body it is always true and that it’s infinitely self-caring to respect it.’ Hear hear.
How great that you didn’t push your son into competitive sport Katinka, but allowed him to express how he felt, and then found an exercise where you could join him and have fun together.
I have heard some people say that it is natural for us to compete, but I don’t think so. Like you say Katinka, sport is a weird invention. I wonder when and why it started. It must have been around the time when the human race stopped loving themselves, because I can’t think of any other reason, apart from needing recognition, acceptance, attention, the need to numb or distract themselves or just using it as a tool to lose weight!
So true Kerstin. Stephens article vividly exposes the damage and craziness of competitive sport. Sacrificing the body for a momentary high that always keeps you wanting more.
For people to give up sport they would have to replace their emptiness with something else, and that something else is self-love, then there would be no need to compete with others or push our bodies through the agonies of sport and the highs and lows that go with it. Like you say Anne-Marie it is a crazy cycle we have gotten ourselves into.
Beautifully said Sandra. Self-love is far sweeter than the push and grind of punishing our bodies for the sake of competition where no-one ever truly wins.
Hi Stephen, thanks for this very enlightening blog about competitive sports. While sport wasn’t my thing, I can relate to overriding the body for other goals, pushing it to its limits in my own way and then realising that the achievement of that goal really was an empty place – leading me then to another goal or the next thing to drive myself towards. Regardless of the setting, putting the body last really does feel terrible. There is something bigger for us all to connect to than the emptiness of competition.
Sport isn’t my thing either, Melinda. Stephens blog reminded me that when I saw someone on TV the other day, who was ‘celebrating’ a goal (or it could have been a try). I was really struck by the fact that his face was seemingly joyful, but it didn’t go into his eyes, they were dull and flat. ‘That goal really was an empty place.’
I agree Melinda, if we were to consider life to be an equation, leaving the body out or putting it last may get the desired outcome, but at what cost? Perhaps much of the suffering and problems we see today are because society is running life based on an equation that doesn’t contain respecting and looking after our bodies, and so the result is therefore missing something, hence the need to always reach the next goal.
Thank you for sharing your very real experiences with intense sport and competition Stephen. I would imagine most athletes who are where you were might be unaware about how they really feel underneath the pain, and or triumph. I love how your writing gives a voice to what your body was feeling when you were pushing it.
I agree – Stephan was able to be honest, and not simply focus on the physical pain or the triumph and elation of winning, which I am sure is the case for many athletes. It takes a lot of courage to look at what might not be working in something you are invested in working, and so Stephan’s story is really very inspiring.
I agree Rebecca, the same can be said for investing in things in many areas of our lives. Having expectations that are not fulfilled often leads to bitterness and resentment, letting go of expectations and investments and trusting in the flow of life is so freeing.
and takes a lot of courage to admit that all that effort/investment does not in fact bring any rewards – especially in light of most of the population thinking otherwise.
This is so true Marianna. This investment/effort that brings rewards is often interwoven into our relationships with peers and social circles. When we choose to stop and feel what is truly going on like Stephen did, we are sending another message to our friends of how we can choose to live with vitality and still be fit for life not just for sport.
You are right Suzanne – I was also heavily involved in sport unit my early twenties and studied sport and exercise science. So many if not all of my friends and fellow students at the time were totally committed to achieving higher and higher performance outcomes with very little true regard for themselves. Something that stands out for me is that at this level you are commended and it is deemed admirable if you are able to ‘play on’ through or with an injury and many athletes do this, so much so that sometimes they will never heal their injurys and they become a chronic problem. Many sports also carry risks of health problems developing throughout later life even without injury’s. Thank you Stephan for sharing your way out of this and exposing some of the true harm of competitve sport.
I agree Suzanne… this blog was a bit of an eye opener for me in that I while I knew athletes often led less than fulfilling lives and wellbeing post their ‘career’, I had not realised that the highs were / are so short lived… or to consider the depth of emotional pain underneath the physical pain.
I’ve noticed the same when I have attended sports carnivals with children. There is an air of excitement in the build up to the day as they march in union with their team, but the devastation is felt at the finishing line when ribbons and trophies are handed out to individuals and the pain is hard to hide.