Each year catalogues, TV and press remind us how great our dads are, and that the one day of the year to really celebrate this is Father’s Day. But what do these messages really tell us about the beauty of men and what it is to be a man?
If we came from another planet and looked at the media around how we celebrate Father’s Day we would assume that men love to:
- fish
- work on cars
- have lots of tools
- spend time and money in hardware stores
- drink beer and brew it at home
- do anything associated with BBQs
- play or watch football
- play or watch sports of any kind
- play with gadgets
- use an X-box
- read and watch thrillers, comedy and action stories
- escape the grind, get away from it all (for some this also includes getting away from the family)
- dress trendy or sporty
- drink
- eat meat.
So what does all this say about what it is to be a man? What if you are a man who loves to:
- be pampered
- buy his own clothes (including socks and jocks)
- drive a car but not be married to it
- go to the ballet
- watch romance movies
- have a bath
- spend time with the family, truly enjoying being with them
- dress up
- go walking?
Would enjoying these things risk torment, rejection or being considered unmanly or just weird?
Is it possible that the narrowness of what we are ‘told’ men are like limits all of us? How much do men bend to fit this mould, and how much do we miss out on when they do?
Imagine if Father’s Day celebrated the true beauty of men?
What if we considered more deeply what it is to be a man – beyond the rough, rugged, outdoors stereotype, or the beer drinking, car loving bloke, the gadget guy or the sophisticated executive roles we’ve all been fed – and appreciated instead the innate delicateness, sensitivity and beauty of men?
It could unfold into the kind of Father’s Day where we acknowledged and treasured the tenderness of men and enjoyed all that came from men being allowed to be and share their beauty.
Inspired by the work of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon.
By Adrienne Ryan & Peta Schaffer, Daughters, Queensland, Australia
As we all tend to try and keep up with the Jones, one up man ship and peer group pressure, life becomes all about the individual, being able be better than, have more than, and this is all about the doing-ness of individuality, with little or no regard for the being or essence of who we all innately are. As we all tend to try and keep up the Jones, or one up man ship and the force peer group pressure, life become all about the individual, being able be better, than, have more than, and this is all about the doing-ness of individuality, with little or no regard for the being or essence of who we all innately are.
Stereotypes are so restricting and men, whether biological fathers or not, deserve to be celebrated for their amazingness rather than for conforming to a role.
This exposes the narrow field men have to play in. Agree it needs to be widened.
Love and appreciating what we all bring is something that should not be set aside for a rainy-day but is a consistency that transforms all our relationships when we live everyday as people or humanity day.
This year I got my father an amazing colorful bouquet of flowers for Father’s Day and he loved it. I got the inspiration when I bought my partner flowers to welcome him in the Netherlands and he sighed: that is the first time someone bought me flowers. Of course men love flowers and many other things we would consider normal to give to a woman. Let’s not buy into any of this narrow pictures that men are supposed to live by and see them all for the super sensitive and tender beings that they are, just like when they were little boys.
How much have any of us bent to fit a mould is a good question and highlights areas where we might need to adjust our behaviour. Just last night I realise that I allowed someone to talk at me rather than to me. It is a blessing for both parties when either speaks up to cut the harming energy and bring back the connection in the relationship that has been lost. This I did and harmony was restored but I also recognise that this could have been done much sooner.
Celebrating men can be an everyday thing . If it is they start to see that they are appreciated for who they are not what they do. I know men who love being tender, taking a nap, having a bath, and I would not swap it for anything, This sensitivity asks me to go deeper in myself as a woman.
Yes, we all deserve being appreciated for who we are and not what we do, ‘and appreciated instead the innate delicateness, sensitivity and beauty of men?’
Yes HM a gorgeous sharing and invitation that when meeting men for who they are they instantly invite us to be who we truly are as women and visa versa.
And what if we were to celebrate all men everyday as some are not fathers then this would also transfer across to mothers day or womens-day where women are celebrated every day now that would deepen our appreciation of the Tender and Sacred Beings we all are.
Great idea, Greg. Let’s celebrate each other and ourselves daily and also have Christmas daily in the sense that we connect with each other, have amazing conversations during diner and use our beautiful plates and cutlery.
Absolutely Monika, sharing with each other over a lovingly prepared meal would open the door to evolutionary conversations.
In celebrating Father’s Day by appreciating the tender, sacred, sensitive and loving qualities that men in our lives (and all men) naturally hold within, is to truly honor men for who they are and what they bring to the world.
So true Carola maybe we can reschedule these days that cause separation and call every day appreciation of who we are days!
I’ve always strongly disliked how greeting cards portray both men and women, it’s so incredibly shallow and so disrespectful to the innately sensitive and sweet nature of both men and women. Why not celebrate people – rather than insult them?
The stereotypes of men are incredibly limited and inflexible. If we all subscribe to and encourage these beliefs and ideals there can’t be a lot of true connection happening either to ourselves or with others. We could instead let boys and men be without imposing stereotypes and let them show us who they are.
The same goes for mothers day or birthdays, valentines or any holiday or day of celebration there is a collection of themes that we try to fit into. But when we don’t bend to fit those rolls thats actually worth celebrating.
Just imagine, instead of doing the big tribal dance at the start of the rugby league match, they all got together held hands, and sang the song Tenderness… 🙂
That would be really beautiful, and after that most probably they would not need to play to rugby anymore! Who would want to bump each other when they are feeling the tenderness in their body?
Thank you for this. I will be more aware of my relationships with men today and open to express more appreciation.
And what if you are a man who really honours women? What I have seen is that they get ridiculed and brought down often in less direct ways such as jokes and off the cuff comments as a way to reduce the reflection of decency and love.
What is the purpose of Father’s Day? I don’t remember it existing when I was younger and it is on different days around the world?! It has often felt to me like the card companies etc are simply cashing in and in the process cementing stereotypes about the roles men play rather than celebrating the beautiful, tender essence that all men have and which we are truly blessed with when they share it. If we all honoured this every day then we would not need a particular day to celebrate fathers but rather allow all men whether defined by the label of ‘father’ or not to live true to themselves and reflect that to others.
One day to celebrate the gorgeousness of our men is not enough, every day we should appreciate and cherish the tenderness and lovely care a men brings naturally when all the outer impositions are let go of.
Gorgeous Adrienne and Peta. We live in such a consticted picture of what a man is, like we are trying to win an award for pulling off this performance. Yet the whole time underneath we are feminine, graceful delicateness and everything the universe is. Talk about reducing down God to a minuscule speck. Yet knowing this we can now return to live as a tender and precious gentle man.
Our true nature, delicate, sensitive, able to feel deeply, able to love and be loved… What it truly means to be a man.
so important that we come back to truth — we are so sensitive beings that need to come back toiling the purpose of love here on earth.
Until we truly start to know ourselves, we will be defined from the outside in, instead of knowing and loving from the inside out.
Celebrating every day no mater what the sex sounds like the way to go! So no special days just the nurturing and inner beauty allowed to be lived every day. Then our preciousness and tenderness will flourish.
The stereotypes are many and advertising and the media have their fair share of responsibility here – men, and women for that matter, are forever told and indoctrinated from a young age what to be, how to be and what to like and desire. A handy multitude of consumers clamouring for more of the same without ever taking a moment and feel into what is actually happening, world-wide.
… Tenderness is our true nature, and the more of us men who express this, provides the opportunity for others to have a reflection of something totally different in their lives.
I would add much more to this list about being a man:
– I love flowers ?.
– I do not swear.
– I don’t watch or like how sport dishonours the harmony within.
– I do not drink beer.
– I am extremely sensitive and tender.
– I do not view women as objects for sex.
– I’m very open to expressing intimately with another man.
I concur fully Rik and to keep the list going will add:
-I can cry easily at something that is either very touching or when I feel really hurt.
-I am super sensitive and can express my feelings openly, even with other men.
-I enjoy playing ‘doll house’ with my 9 yr. old daughter and dressing up her dolls.
-I love the feeling of my hips moving as I walk gently but with a little sassiness in my step.
-I love working on something that takes a gentle and delicate touch, like pruning and wiring bonsai trees.
-I love to cuddle with my wife and daughter and snuggle up on the couch together.
-I am able to admit I don’t know how to do something and ask for help when I need it.
Thanks Rik for your list. I would like to add my own as a woman:
– I am delicate, precious and sacred
– It’s not my expression to birth children
– I’m like a rock of strength for those around me
– I’m consistent and steady
– The wisdom of the Universe flows through me
– I adore myself
– I honour the inner beauty in myself and others
There is so much more to us than stereotypes.
So if mother’s day and father’s were treated as though every day is either, no actually both day/s are simultaneously lived in how we need to appreciate each other. Then we can Truly express in a way where whatever we do our lives will evolve simply by us fully appreciating each other.
Males are stereotyped and told to fit into certain roles, from loving sheds where they can seek refuge to drinking copious amounts of beer. And Father’s Day further enforces these clichés by the advertised choices of apparently suitable gifts for this occasion.
It doesn’t take much… Just to stop the back slapping, hard handshakes, to start to express some feelings, just a few simple things can start a redefining of who we as men think we are.
I did the same for my Dad growing up, I bought him socks and the BBQ stuff. I never really expressed deeply to him what he meant to me and what I loved about him. My Dad was actually very tender, calm and a gorgeous man with a very open heart to people. I love that I got to be raised by a man like this.
We pamper mothers for Mother’s Day, why not dads for Father’s Day? Is that not what true equality is?
I’ve always hated all the cards that celebrate men for being beer-drinking, womanising essentially neanderthals, even though I know they are often jokes they are so far away from describing the amazing beautiful men I know in my life. It must be incredibly confusing for men to be always painted in this light, when they know there is so much more to who they are.
So true! When I read the list I laughed because it felt like a caricature of a man but not truly the essence of a man, it felt like it was belittling what a man brings to us all. There is a grace, a tenderness and caring that a man brings that feels solid and strong in its offering as a parent, husband, worker – well in any expression they choose. Time to throw away the pictures and caricatures and celebrate this fathers day with honouring the man within.
There are so many pictures around of what a man is and what men like. But what if everything out there is wrong and men are not like all the pictures we have come to know as being a man? What if men are indeed super tender, delicate, joyful, playful, love talking about what they feel and what is going on for then and so forth? I know this to be true and it is very beautiful to be able to see how all the pictures of tough, rough, beer-drinking, strong men are actually not true.
To celebrate the true beauty of men is connecting to our own tenderness and delicateness as women as men are equally tender and delicate. This is what it truly means to be a man and not the pictures that are imposed on them.
More and more I am coming to appreciate the beauty of men. A man who allows his tenderness to be seen is totally exquisite and impossible not to fall in love with.
How is it that we so easily succumb to what society is dictating to us? WE know very well the other side of the story and all the amazing things about men we really appreciate but are not featured on these fathers day cards. The gentleness of a man was inherent in the word gentleman but today that usually refers to a man who is polite rather than gentle. I am more and more expressing how I feel about the ways of men to them, appreciating their gentleness and consideration, their handling of heavier things and generally supporting me as a woman. I feel we don’t do this anyway near enough and the men don’t get to realise and appreciate for themselves all the wonderful qualities they innately have and that we love to have them shared with us.
Interesting how the pictures available to us in society reflect what we are already subscribing to, allow and essentially demanding. This for me highlights our responsibility of what we are choosing for ourselves, and how we are choosing to meet another. And so if we met men knowing, appreciating and allowing them to be who they naturally are in essence, our society would then be in demand, receive and share a vastly different and truer reflection.
I’ve seen many men mimic their past ‘role models’ and it often comes with the flavours of hardness.
And yet when I get a glimpse of their tenderness it is so beautiful to see.
I have just returned from a retreat in the UK and I shared the bathroom with other men. I loved walking into the room and watching them tenderly groom themselves and even loved the fact they took longer showering than I……so beautiful to observe – more please.
It is important to clarify what celebration truly is before we say that we are celebrating ‘Fathers Day’. Celebration is far more than what is said or done as so is the focus of this day. Celebration is about confirming and letting everyone appreciate in full the gorgeous essence we all have and what it means to have the blessing of being with such beauty in our lives.
Inside the hard tough exteriors displayed by men, due to stereotyping, lies a very tender sensitive and delicate man and when we as women claim our innate nurturing and sacredness this calls to men to claim their own divine ways.
If we truly celebrate men for who they are, it would not involve any toughness, façade or protection but allows them to be delicate, sensitive and deeply tender.
So often, we explore the stereotypes and diminishment made of women – the true and exquisite nature of what it is to be a woman – in our press and society… But do we really look at what’s going on for men in this regard? It is indeed horrendous, with so much confirming that to be a man one has to be ‘tough’, ‘beyond emotions’, have a buffed physique and the rest.
The conversation most definitely needs to be opened up in all respects, that we reclaim the exquisite nature of BOTH sexes, and learn to honour this far more deeply in the way that we relate to each other. Every one of us has a tender, beating heart, every one of us feels, and every one of us is precious beyond measure. There is simply no more and no less in this, but an equality that can be felt, if we but open up our hearts to it.
We are all the lesser in society due to the stereotypical and oftentimes completely false images portrayed of either sex… As you’ve just touched the tip of here Peta and Adrienne, there is so, so much more to us all than this, and we deserve to live in a celebration of what it is that all of us – men and women alike – innately bring, and have to offer.
That we may foster what’s true in ourselves and between us, and let the walls come a-tumblin’ down…
Thank-you for this blog.
Yes I agree, as we reduce men to this stereotype, we equally reduce ourselves. Let’s bring those walls down and discover and celebrate what is underneath.
Here’s to celebrating the true beauty of men every day – ditching the stereotypes and not limiting it to one day of the year.
Hear, hear Helen, I agree we should celebrate men and women everyday, and not save it for just one day of the year. This would be amazing if we all celebrate each other regularly.
Love all the comments from men on this thread and truly appreciate those who are willing to show their deep tenderness and beauty to inspire all women to reflect this too.
It is rather sad to restrict the celebration of our father to one day in the calendar.
Every day and every connection with anyone is a moment that offers another the true self reflection of love we all have for one another constantly.
When I think about all of the Father’s Day magazines that you describe- as a kid this is also what I used to buy for my Dad- socks or a watch for father’s day and often in a dark brown colour. It is funny because I never took the time enough to notice what he would have actually liked- I expressed in the way I thought we had to- I know he would have much preferred a card sharing how I felt about him or something like that more- I thought buying him socks was showing my love for him- but it always felt empty and a bit dishonouring of him but I never challenged this- each year I would just do the same.
When a man expresses his vulnerability and gentleness I melt. It is interesting because before I met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I would have run a mile from these natural qualities within a man because they made me feel very uncomfortable. It makes sense to me that as I embrace and appreciate these qualities within me so too do I embrace and appreciate them within a man.
I love this photo is feels like a total surrender, really open and a very warm embrace between a father and son. A great expose in how Father’s Day just stereotypes what a father ‘should’ be, is or likes doing. A stereotype that really needs breaking to instead allow men to be honoured and accepted for the sweetness, tenderness and gentleness they truly are.
I heard a boy recently challenge this and say that in our Australian culture there is still this unsaid belief that men don’t talk about their feelings. He shared how we need to if we want things to change- I am super inspired by men and boys who continue to honour their sensitivity.
Yeh the belief we put onto men that they don’t talk about their feelings is one of the most imprisoning. How totally crazy that it should be ok for women to talk about how they feel but it not be ok for men to, and I agree it’s inspiring that there are so many men that refuse to be defined by these crazy ideals and beliefs.
Just imagine if Fathers Day was transformed to really celebrate the tenderness and true inner strength of men, and that all the old paradigms were left behind.
Interesting when we look at how we currently celebrate Fathers on Father’s Day. To me none of the things on the first list truly celebrates Fathers. I feel there is so much more we can do to truly celebrate men for who they are, we are missing out on so much when we deny their delicateness, sensitivity, tenderness and beauty. It is not in the presents we give our fathers on Father’s Day that counts but in the quality and connection we choose to have with them on a daily basis and with true appreciation for who they are that is the greatest gift of all.
Some men hide their beauty and tenderness inside a tough outer exterior, but deep inside is the sensitive little boy who is there all along. I love to see this love and sensitivity openly claimed and displayed by men.
Such a great point you make here Adrienne & Peta, the way men are portrayed through marketing for Father’s Day is incredibly reductionist. It is an accurate representation however of the way we’ve ‘boxed’ men in general, and it would seem, many men have accepted these parameters of who they are and what they are interested in. Allowing men the scope to be interested in any number of ‘un-manly’ pursuits or attributes is essential if we want men to be true to themselves, and therefore bring the richness of who they are deep down to their family, friends, colleagues and communities. We are all losing out when they don’t, but if we keep holding them to these stereotypes, then we will only get the reduced version.
Very young boys are beautiful, tender and loving. So it is revealing of the false expectations we put on them, and they put on themselves, to grow up into tough, rough guys.
It’s a beautiful thought to imagine men being pampered and honoured for their tenderness on father’s day or even any day for that matter. We have it so terrible wrong with stereotyping, and unfortunately as a result, we are all losing out on many men not expressing their innate sweetness because of inappropriate labels and expectations.
Wow what a difference it would be if we used Father’s day to support the delicateness of men – to confirm them in their tenderness. I love this idea – that it could be men’s day rather than father’s day 🙂 We have an opportunity to change the whole way men are portrayed – dropping the stereotypes and being open to the true sensitivity they naturally hold.
To let men be and surrender to who they are.. How incredible would this text be if we used that as a headline of a men’s magazine, would that not totally rock the world and bring it upside down! How cool, and how true!
It feels so good if we would let men be, and not put all these images, ideals, desires onto them because we need them to be a certain way that fits our comforts, ideals and principals. As how rude is that!?!! So ladies and men lets let each other be , and see what will happen.. I’ve gotta sense that by this choice the world becomes real, honest and true – which we allow everyone equally to be who they are.. And men can definitely inspire!
Certainly at school if I had read out the second list I would have been pilloried by my peers… there the training ground was to be tough, I learnt to be strong so no one would mess with me or tease me, and I established myself as far up the pecking order as I could. All to the detriment of me – the gorgeous man that enjoyed singing, loved nature, and was gentle at heart.
I loved reading this simple yet very true, society really pushes these untrue images of men around. Your blog is a great reminder that we can bring change to this deeply held image of men by regularly celebrating and appreciating the beautiful, tender and gentle qualities that men truly are.
It is interesting going on dating sites because nearly all men present themselves in this way as often they think that’s what they need to be. Once you connect with them and get to see under that you get to enjoy the beauty of the man but it takes work as it is not always what is presented and many men don’t feel safe to show this.
Great Blog – Fathers day is often seen by the man himself and those around him as a day off, a day to not have to ‘do’ anything, have a few beers, maybe not have to take any responsibility for what is happening around him e.g. kids, partner, doing the dishes etc. What if Fathers Day highlighted the sensitivity, gentleness and love that all men reflect to their young ones, what if it is about the presence, stillness and solidness that being a man is – Fathers Day could offer so much – if the essence of our men was what was truly celebrated and claimed.
A real thought-provoker that leaves you in no doubt that the images, the projections and the stereotypes of men that we’ve learned to accept actually belie a real depth of quality that we’re not acknowledging, encouraging, appreciating or celebrating.
These stereotypical pictures of men and what they ‘love’ to do and what their lives are all about, is a horrendous rejecting of the gorgeous qualities that have been there to be expressed from birth. The men in my life growing up were all placed in the top category, and unfortunately we missed out on seeing them for who they are…. until now. It is so beautiful to see and feel a man who allows himself to be seen, regardless of what pegs society try’s to push him into.
One thing that is most desperately needed now on the planet is the role model of the man who feels his tenderness and the innate strength that comes from that surrendered connection to the inner knowing
You would think that after thousands of years we would be excellent at being parents… Is this a case? No it is not… have we evolved in this area… Apparently not… Is there a fundamental awareness missing? Yes there is… And this is where Universal Medicine and the ageless wisdom really is there to be noticed… It is the missing link in how to actually connect with ourselves and bring up our young.
We have created an image of how men should be, that excludes their naturally gentle ways. It then becomes all about living up to the image of a macho strong man that never cries or shows their feelings. No wonder we have men today that don’t know who they truly are, the image created and which we expect them to live by is a million miles away from the tenderness they were allowed to express as a child.
Real men live the real them and not the fake copy that has been designed to impress those who are looking for distraction, not truth.
We have carved a way of living far removed from the truth of who we are. To cope with the onslaught, the men toughen and the women harden. Thus it takes far more courage to live with openness and tenderness amongst this, than it does to develop a hard exterior to ‘cope’. A man should be celebrated for expressing his innate tenderness, not ridiculed for it, but as a society we have shied away from this as it means taking stock that all we have thus far created in terms of gender roles and dispositions, has in truth been a lie.
Adrienne it’s fantastic to think and explore what it would be like if men were allowed to simply be their natural tender loving selves. Meeting other men with this open minded and open hearted attitude, without needing or expecting anything has made a huge difference to my relationship with other men, friends and strangers alike.
Every single day can be a ‘fathers day’, a celebration of what and who a man truly is, all he does but most of all the tenderness, love and deep deep care that he can bring
I would love to see the myths blown away. Imagine the ads in the media coming up to Father’s Day if we saw more about gifts for men which encouraged them to nurture themselves and share their joy with their families and others. Although still well in the minority, it’s been a real privilege to meet more and more men who are starting to live this way.
This is a timely blog to read after discussing the very topic of what it means to define a True Man last night at a mens group. A Man that is known and defined not by what he does, says, thinks or even acts. But a Man who is defined by the love he is first, his universality and his true care and tenderness, which makes him amazing in what he does by all of the love he then brings to it.
Men are just as caring, tender and sensitive as women. The more we open our eyes to all the qualities they hold equally with us, the more they will feel the confidence to be able to express the true gentle-men that they are.
I love feeling the tenderness and sensitivity in my husband and sons. Their reflection can be a reminder to me of the lack of tenderness I have in my body at times. What a gift for me and those they are in contact with during the day.
I have noticed some men in a charity shop I volunteer in, looking enviously at the variety of colourful items, clothing and other, that is considered for women only! Some guys buy and others look and put back, fearing what I wonder, ridicule surprised looks? I do think men are showing their softer side more but there is a long way to go! Lets hope that through men who are part of groups such as Universal Medicine and are learning to show their tender side may set an example for others to share their feeling and softness, with each other and us all.
Yes, how much have we boxed men in, often chaining them to a stereotype that isn’t true and when we are limiting the opportunity to see and feel the true beauty that lies quietly within them. We must unlock our own chains as well as theirs so we can let out all the love we are.
Serge Benhayon has redefined for me what it is to be a man. His tenderness and strength and abiding love, his honour and integrity and HUMOUR and a never-ending source of wisdom, has always and always will inspire me to be all that I am , as a man
Gorgeous and so true how we limit and box our idea of men – not taking anything away from the behaviours such as fishing, sports etc – however they do not represent the true essence of men. When I held my two sons in my arms for the first time, I could feel the absolute tenderness of this little boy, how connected he was to the oneness of the Universe – we certainly don’t convey this in Bunnings ‘Fathers Day’ ads.. Instead of waiting for marketing to ‘get it’ – I am inspired to connect with, confirm and honour the essence the men in my life so that we can build a new and true way of supporting men.
What I can feel from this blog is that men do equally deserve to be looked at from sensitivity. They deserve to be lovingly approached, hugged, smiled at, and encouraged to be sensitive and express themselves all openly, just like we are able to do so as women. I feel that it so important for us to realize that we are equal and we need an equal approach. I too have been living in a way that was not that. But I can feel now that I am able to change that, and so do I feel the urgency of us allowing men to be men, themselves, and not for the hooking ideals & believes, voices , we have given our power to. But to stay with what we feel and embrace men and women equally. There is no such thing as sissy. We are all equal sensitive to love, we should all have the open opportunity to explore this again…
This blog is very revealing of the expectations and shaping of men by our society. I have always known how tender and sensitive I am but learnt in my teens how to present a different facade in order to be left alone and fit in. I would change my posture, facial expressions and behaviour to send out a message to those around me. This kind of process is very hurtful for men as not only have they felt rejected by society for how they truly are (tender, beautiful, caring ) but they then reject themselves in order to become something different either to fit in or to protect themselves from feeling even more rejection, but the hurt only continues. It also strikes me that here we are talking about men and it is very true that to let men come back to who they naturally are this awareness of the design of society which maintains the stereotype needs to be revealed however this starts when men are boys. In their super sensitive state they begin to feel the expectations on them to be a certain way sometimes before or in the early years of school. As Chris has written regarding parenting, it is so very important to be aware of what is passed onto children at this stage from parents and wider society for it is here that we begin to tell children that they have to be something else.
It is the boys giving the cards to their fathers, who are also taking in the cards message as to what they should become.
To understand how to be a father, we must understand ourselves, to know our conditioning and to be able to observe our reactions, and to start to heal our old hurts… otherwise , with the best of intentions, we will just pass on our concepts and beliefs to our children, and on , and on. Universal medicine always presents the opportunity to break this cycle, so that true parenting can be initiated.
Wow…. how much we’ve compartmentalised men and women into ‘gender’ boxes. Women like this, and that and men like something else and are something else. But the truth is that both men and women are very much the same in their essence, tender, sensitive and beautiful. When a man comes and lives from his essence not hiding his sensitivity or tenderness it is truly beautiful to behold and feel.
As humans we stereotype the genders because we hide from the truth that the Soul is androgynous and in its expression is both the femaleness and maleness – the in-breath and out-breath of God. The genders exist to allow us to reconnect to both the maleness (motion) and femaleness (stillness) so that we can harmonise this expression within us over many lives. As a humanity, when our ‘in-breath’ equals our ‘out-breath’ we will have true union of both ‘male’ and ‘female’ and no need for seeming opposites in genders, for we will be living as One again.
“Imagine if Father’s Day celebrated the true beauty of men?” What a great thing to be asked to consider. We don’t often hear the word “beauty” associated with men; it’s normally something like handsome, rugged, hard working etc. The truth is that men are just as beautiful as women and it is time we celebrated what men bring to our lives.
Absolutely Elizabeth – I can remember the first time is was told I was beautiful – it changed things for me. Now I can feel it deep inside. Similarly, the first time someone bought me flowers – at first I was surprised but now I realise that there is something amazing reflected back to us in them. There is a naturally expressed beauty and fragility in flowers which is also in us.
It was great to re-read this blog and be reminded that when we feel into the person and not their gender or stereotype or boxed in group that comes from their body we get to experience so much more. Reading some of the guys comments had me smiling, there is a real joy in seeing someone open up in themselves and show off what’s underneath all those pictures.
It is so beautiful to feel a gentle-man who is fully embracing his sensitivity and tenderness. Until I allowed self-love and self-nurturing into my life I did not realise what I was missing as I was too busy building blockades of my own to enjoy those gorgeous men out there celebrating their gorgeousness. Even if some are still hiding under cover.
The ‘what if’ list of what a man loves made me smile. It is gorgeous to think of men loving these things and not just everything in the former. What you have been told you ‘should’ be like most definitely limits you and denies you true appreciation and expression of the gentle tenderness and beauty you innately are…qualities which Father’s Day should absolutely embrace, honour and celebrate.
I work in a florist. Sometimes I get a man customer who wants to buy flowers for himself and worries what kind of manly flower he can have. Maybe a cactus or something he suggests. I have always said that men can have any flowers that they would like and it seems a shame to limit themselves. One man came in because a woman he works with has a jar of flowers on her desk that he loves the look of. He asked me if there was something he was allowed to have that wouldn’t look feminine. It feels very sad that men often cannot enjoy the simple beauty of flowers just for themselves. Maybe we could encourage people to consider giving men flowers and break down that barrier, making it a more normal occurrence. Father’s Day- give him flowers.
Love this Amanda – give him flowers on Father’s Day, it’s only 3 days away and I feel inspired to do just that – thank you!
Any stereotype we cling onto or try to live up to, is imprisoning and holds us back to express our true selves in all our delicacy , power and love. I have men in my live that allow their tender part to be expressed in how they are with themselves and others. It is beautiful and it is time this becomes the norm.
Are men stereotyped or do we stereotype ourselves? I wanted to be rough and tough and macho because for me it was a very effective way of avoiding feeling hurt. I had to stop when I realized younger men were copying me and I did not want anyone else to feel as miserable as me. The stereotype is only there because we create it and we fuel it with our energy.
I always thought I was independent of mind but I was so keen to appear to be a man I did most of the above, I could not have stereotyped myself more. None of it was true or brought me any joy. I thought I was being me, but really I was being the stereotypical Aussie bloke. How much of me was there in that? Almost none, how could I be so influenced, like a sucker? Did I want and need to fit in so bad that I took on that personality? Thank you Adrienne and Peta for outlining what a man is not. It is up to us men to show each other what a man is.
With Fathers day around the corner this is timely to be reading this blog. I have recently looked at fathers day cards for my children to give to their Dad for Fathers day and I was met with very similar to what you have expressed above. These cards rarely depict what my husband truly is as a father and all the things about him that we love and cherish. I love the question that you have posed here- How much do men bend to fit this mould, and how much do we miss out on when they do? In my experience we miss out on a lot. We miss out on the true, tender so gentle and loving and precious men that they are.I absolutely melt in pure love when I see this in men.
It is true, the stereo typing of men in our media completely misses the true nature of men which is super tender and loving, these stereo types can make growing up a confusing experience for boys and young men, confusion which leads most men in our society to be disconnected from who we truly are. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine present a true way and it is so liberating, truly beautiful.
What a great post! How exposing seeing the list of things that are assumed that fathers like and only like. I have often thought the ‘gift list’, was always ridiculous, but when you really look at it – it’s like there is no where else to go. You either fit into this box or you’re not really a man.
Appreciating that men are in fact gentle and loving creatures is not always that easy, because of the sheer amount of pressure on them to not be themselves, and therefore they will often act in a way that makes it difficult to see past the falsity. But, the more we can all practice being our true selves, the more everyone gets an opportunity to do the same, as we set the standard for being yourself as ok and welcomed.
Considering this I sense would not be something allocated to one scheduled day of the year, deeply considering what it means to be a man, one of pure tenderness and the strength felt by all in that, is something worth honouring and celebrating every single day!
It would certainly be a very different society if men were truly honoured for who they truly are and not what they do that is for sure. Secretly deep down all men ask for this even if on the surface it may not appear that way.
Reading your blog is an eye opener as to the expectations of what men are to be in society. It is so true that the advertising for Father’s Day points to all those points you described. Imagine the freeing and the joy that men would feel to surrender to themselves and express the truth of who they really are and what they really enjoyed to do, not just because it is expected of a man.
Great Blog, Men and tenderness…in the past that would have been Chalk and Cheese, but men all over the world are connecting back to the true tenderness they are. I love visiting my Dad who has been in the construction trade all his life, but when we are both together in the garden talking about flowers and and how he likes to nurture them and appreciate the colour and scent they produce i can see and feel the real man inside, Strong yet tender open and loving.
This is powerfully revealing Andrew, the hard and tough construction worker becomes this tender, flower loving and expressive true man with his son. It reveals how we actually never lose that essence, we just bury it and it is worth pondering, how much energy goes into burying that delicateness by living out stereotypical roles and how much does this affect our health? When we are not honouring our truth, it goes against the natural order of things and the disharmony is played out in our bodies.
Andrew, there’s an awesome blog right there — Men and Tenderness. No longer chalk and cheese but a reality so many men who have been inspired by Universal Medicine now live, and inspire other men to reconnect to as well. So beautiful what you shared about your dad, the tenderness with which you’ve shared is gorgeous.
When I consider what it is that I truly love about the quality of a man it is his natural tenderness and deep sensitivity, which reflects a gentle and beautiful strength that inspires me to connect to the same within me.
There is so so much more description that can be added to what a man is, than listed in this blog, although it is a good start. How about placing his arms around another human being and embracing them with all the love and tenderness in his heart, for instance? How about look at a child with the knowing of gentleness and care in his eyes, so that all anxiousness and feeling of not being enough, just melts away in that connection? How about being gentle and playful with another man, without an ounce of competition and slagging, yet being honest and truthful at the same time. So so much to being a man.
Thank you Simon, I could feel the fullness and tenderness within you as you express about being more than what this blog describes about being a man. It is beautiful and thank God for you!
So, so much to being a man….. I would like to hear more Simon Voysey, maybe a good time to write your own blog….?
That was my same thought as well Jacqueline! So much here to be shared by many of the men who have commented, tender dynamites every single one of them 🙂
Yes Simon, agree… so so much ore that does need to be shared with our societies that have forgotten to cherish the true beauty of men. Beautiful what you have shared here.
Father’s Day in our house always seemed like it was there because there’d been a Mother’s Day earlier in the year and that fathers had somehow got together and said ‘What about US?!’, resulting in a ruling that there should indeed be equality across the sexes in this regard. And so the day was set, the commercial machine got rolling and out came all the stereotype-laden cards you describe. High time the more sensitive, tender and delicate sides of men were acknowledged – and every day, not just on one granted, if we’re honest about it, for pure commercial gain.
The more I am getting to know the men in my life I am seeing just how sensitive they actually are. Often they may put on a tough exterior but you do not need to scratch the surface very much for them to expose their soft underbelly. Recently I have found that the men have been more willing to open up and be tender with themselves and others then the women I know. Many of them have been attending men’s groups presented by Serge Benhayon and you can feel how much this is supporting them to look at the roles that they had taken on, let them go and re-connect with their natural sensitive self.
It is interesting how much these clichés define our lives and imprison us into roles that we have to play, sometimes not even considering that their is another way; until one day we realize that we can step out of it. The question is, do we take the risk to step out and allow ourselves to be seen as a role-model for others to see that there is another way.
When we allow ourselves as men to feel the deep tenderness that we truly are, we are an inspiration for all the young men to be growing up around us, we become role models of gentleness and strength joined together.
In my experience, men deeply yearn to express their sensitivity and appreciation for others but they have been really hurt by life. And those stereotypical things that we associate men with are actually not really liked by a lot of men. A lot of men I know would really like to express themselves in relationships and show people who they really are.
I love to see a man show his sensitive, loving and tenderness. I feel safe to be in his presence and it allows me to be me.
Great point, the beauty of men is hardly captured and reflected by the media. Instead, we swim in stereotypes that help men to be far from their sensitive, tender, delicate nature and their innate beauty.
It’s so true, men get portrayed as a certain character.in the same way women also get presented to be a certain way. The truth is we are all our own individual people, men or women and we each have our own unique way to express, which is actually a really beautiful thing.
Let’s celebrate the true tenderness of men every day whether they are fathers or not.
Yes Oliver and Mary this is a beautiful proposition – lets celebrate men in their tenderness and beauty and not define them by what they do or what gadgets they own.
The media definitely has it all wrong, but the over-cover is thick and the men of the world quite scared. For if they’re not all of the things they think they should be (with thanks to retail catalogues and tv adverts), then who are they? I think this is a great blog. I mean I’m not a father, but I’d like baths, dressing-up and pampering myself, I also love walking around Bunnings and buying tools: I’m not conflicted as to which activity is manly or correct for me and I hope that all men are celebrated for their beauty and not their activities looking ahead into the future.
I agree, Oliver. Activities do not a man make. The idea is preposterous.
I am married to the most gorgeous tender, courageous, sensitive, loving, wise man and I celebrate every day being with him. I don’t need a special day to appreciate how awesome he is or to tell him so, as I let him know how precious he is to me everyday.
Thank you Adrienne and Peta a beautiful article and something that is worth celebrating, the men and father’s in our life for who they are rather than an image that needs to be lived up to.
In this day and age it is becoming easier and easier for men from all walks of life to embrace the fact that we are tender loving beings and that this only enhances the fact that we are men .
Adrienne and Peta, your post had me smiling all throughout, and feeling how wonderful men truly are. You mix such reality ha ha (!) and truth aaahh (!) in your listed bullet points, it’s made me appreciate more the depth of divine quality that’s there within every man. Your words: “…..where we acknowledged and treasured the tenderness of men and enjoyed all that came from men being allowed to be and share their beauty”. Gorgeous and so celebratory of the essence of a man, words expressed and lived here from the essence of a woman.
Being a woman, I wonder how men would respond to being celebrated for their delicateness and gentleness. It would be completely different, but I would imagine freeing as well.
I will all ways like my meat roasted over open flames and the smell sweet of flowers. I buy my clothes by how they feel… I like soft feeling things… cashmere is nice. A soak in a hot bath with bubbles is on the list. I have just visited my sister and told me my Lap top cover was not Manly…I like purple! But… I did cave in at the car rental place when I got a free up-grade of my economy car … and I just had to accept the Ford Mustang.
Haha, very funny Steve!
A tender man who knows what he wants and likes and will not accommodate or put himself into one of those stereotype boxes! Thank you Steve!
I always felt that one of the key points of being a man is being yourself – whatever that is. That is the most simple and the most powerful way to be. I have a feeling that applies to women as well – it seems gender neutral.
I can relate to that too! Both with husband and father, as they are both so much more than what these ideals impose.
To celebrate the beauty of men may remind them that that is who they are and we love that that is who they are. There is so much that is precious about men. How wonderful it would be if this was celebrated and appreciated all the time, so those men who have hidden their loveliness away (behind fishing, cars, sheds) will have the courage to let it out for all to enjoy.
How much do we miss out on the qualities of a man (or woman) when we hold them to these stereotypes? How much do we miss out on who we and others are by rolling them in these roles and expecting them to only live by said roles? Thank you Adrienne and Peta for the reminder that we are much more than our genders.
You are so right Leigh, how long will we play this game of genders and their stereotypes together. We are really missing out on both sides. To see the transformation in men who are choosing to live their innate qualities like being tender, sensitive and sweet is a true miracle and yet natural!
“Imagine if Father’s Day celebrated the true beauty of men?” – it would certainly be a very different day than it has been up to now. What an opportunity for all men to come on out from behind the roles they are expected to play in society, and to show how truly tender and naturally loving they are. Now how beautiful would that be?
Feels to me like true equality Adrienne; equality of expression and creating the space and to allow the truth of who were are to emerge, not the cramped stereotype. Let’s invite men out, in the true sense!
This is a beautiful blog and helped me to see that I too have judged and put expectation on men and how I think they should be, specifically my father. I particularly loved this part “How much do men bend to fit this mould, and how much do we miss out on when they do?” and see that this can also relate to women.
Why has the true nature of men been so bastardized? It is no coincidence that pressure on a man to be so rough and tough is the polar opposite to the true strengths he holds in all of his sweetness, tenderness and warmth.
Hello Adrienne and Peta, you are officially the new Father’s Day ambassadors. I enjoyed the article and would love to have a shift in focus of what Father’s or Men’s Day is all about. We seem to project a mould of what a man should be as you say but there is no real man in amongst that mould. I guess collectively it is up to the men that this affects to stand up and speak about what they would like to see and not just accepting things for how they are. It is great that women would take this stand but it is also up to men to action what they feel. Thank you.
Gorgeous blog, it made me melt feeling that the true beauty of men could be celebrated in this way as within every man is a truly tender, loving and gentle person longing to be met and seen for who he is.
Beautifully said Jade, I can only agree in full, and seeing the men at Universal Medicine events is so awesome, to feel them in their tenderness is very beautiful.
We should celebrate men for their tenderness, sweetness and beauty every day. After I read your blog, I can so feel how we as women are playing a big part in limiting men and not allowing them who they truly are. The more we re-claim who we truly are, then the men can also re-claim who they truly are.
This is a great article Adrienne and Peta. I recently had a conversation with a man about clothes and colours and how it feels to wear certain things and I could feel him open up and it almost felt like I was feeling the relief in him that he could share this way and not feel embarrassed or worried about it. It was a beautiful conversation and this encouraged me to have more conversations with other men, acknowledging their feelings and tenderness and I have found in most cases that they light up and I feel the beauty that they are as they feel safe to express from a tenderness and not go into a stereotypical performance. Men have a tenderness just as women do and it is beautiful to feel that expression come to the fore.
Adrienne and Peta, I feel that your vision of Fathers Day is a real possibility for the future. And I agree that boys are boxed in whilst growing up by the stereotypes of men that exist everywhere. I feel that men are quite lost when it comes to who they really are in essence. I feel to add that most women are as lost as the men. Crazy isn’t it, that both men and women are behaving in a way that is not actually natural!
When I read the top list of what we are made to think are things men love doing I just had to laugh about the ridiculousness of it. Yet I have bought into this belief as well! So glad I am now so much more aware of the true tender beauty that men really are and that is so much more than that stereotype lists as that is so limiting and not describing men at all.
It would be a very good place to start that Father’s Day became a day to really celebrate the fact that underneath all the rough exteriors lies gentle and tender men and even if no other time, men could just see what it feels like to be pampered and not drink or watch football and see where it goes.
Thank you Adrienne and Peta for expressing this in such a clear way. The sad thing is this stereotyping begins so early and is everywhere. Even the paper we wrap a young boy’s birthday gift in has a message of who he should be and what he should be interested in. When was the last time we wrapped a boy’s gift in really beautiful paper?
Lovely the way you propose Father’s day to be. We can start with celebrating our own dads this way. And…we don’t have to wait till Father’s day comes.
Some great observations here Adrienne and Peta. We so often look at the effects of the media, society and marketing etc on women but don’t seem to take much time to see how men might also be affected by these things. I know when I can feel the absolute tenderness from men that this is a very natural way of being for them. Thank you for sharing 🙂
I had such a good laugh with this, Adrienne. The stereotype of men you picture here is hilarious. And it is exactly how most the men of my childhood used to be. Back then I felt so lonely being part of the second group of men that you depict. My feeling is that many men would feel much less lonely when we would start to see our delicateness, sensitivity and true beauty.
The thing that has always struck me about days like Father’s Day or Mother’s Day or Valentine’s Day etc, is that the focus is so much on the material aspects as a way of showing ones appreciation or love. Are we missing the point of true celebration and appreciation of what these days offer? And why wait for such a day when we can celebrate ourselves and each other every single day!
Yeah I agree with you Marika. What would our world be like if we would celebrate each other and ourselves everyday?
Thank you Adrienne for offering us a moment to appreciate all the men in our lives and how truly beautiful and gentle they can be. It feels as though women have been part of the false image that has been created to be the stereo typical man. I feel in my neediness and lack of self worth I needed to depend on a man who was ‘strong’ and for him to support me he became hard in the process. I felt unable to ask for what I wanted in a direct and honest way and began to manipulate the whole relationship to get my needs met. There was no allowing and grace or room for us to express our deeper feelings of how we felt.
So cool Adrienne and Peta what a gift this is. It feels great to begin to live free from these boxes of what a man should be. Now I can see I chose to follow those established ideas because it seemed safe and got me a form of acceptance on a level. But in the end my experience is it just makes you frustrated underneath. For the truth is we are all equally deeply tender and naturally feminine beings naturally. Its beautiful to be here today, to start to see many men and women accepting and embracing this in themselves.
It’s interesting how the media puts out an image of gender, and we play along the roles accordingly. This says a lot about how there’s no true intimacy in our relationships to allow and recognise the innateness to be appreciated and celebrated.
This is a really interesting way to look at it – coming from another planet and observing from the outside what Father’s Day could be about. If we look at Mother’s Day it often is about nurturing and giving Mum a ‘break’ – an interesting reflection of how Mum’s are living otherwise throughout the year if they need a day for it. For Dad’s its like we reinforce the stereotypes but don’t allow them to surrender and be nurtured too. I love what you’ve proposed here Adrienne and Peta and can definitely feel a Father’s Day ‘revolution’ (which is really just how we approach Men every day really) should be at hand.
I love this Amelia. A ‘Father’s Day Revolution ‘ it is. When do we start???
Absolutely! Imagine a Fathers Day campaign that had some integrity that gave us an opportunity to appreciate the Fathers/Men in our lives rather than feed our anxiety around what consumer product would best distract both Him and I from any real connection. We are so far removed from connections with Men because of these very lies we are fed that include them being solid structures with no feelings. I find it so sad. Men are not what the catalogue suggests.
Fabulous article Adrienne and Peta, it has given me lots to feel into as I’ve really only ever celebrated fathers day with socks, jocks and some form of clothing… a ‘Thanks for being a Great Dad’!.. and a token lunch. I’ve never taken in that step further and celebrated my dad for the man he truly is.
Thank you Adrienne and Peta for sharing this story, being a man I always found fathers day hard , I felt it difficult to celebrate as it was not me but something being pushed on me and to be honest I saw just another excuse to demean people and their dishonesty . I now see why there is fathers day celebration , the question is as you guys have asked what are we celebrating ,our ideals and beliefs of what we think a father is or should be or in truth what a man offers when he brings his great love as a father to all.
Exactly Paul…what are we celebrating and thus perpetuating year after year? We most certainly do have a choice.
I love what you have shared Paul that Father’s Day has been something that you feel has been pushed on you. Wouldn’t it be awesome if Father’s Day was taken as an opportunity for us all to celebrate the true beauty and tenderness of a man
I spent two years caring for a man and through this relationship really got to appreciate and enjoy the beauty of men. I observed all the manly things he had lovingly crafted with his own hands. I also saw tenderness, love, humour, an appreciation of delicacy in food and clothes. I told him often how beautiful he was.
The tenderness of who men truly are is certainly something worth acknowledging, honouring and celebrating, every day of the year! The man (and there are many), who step out of their society induced stereotype to shine for us all who they truly are at their core, deeply inspire and grace us with that power of tenderness.
Ha ha your blog made me laugh at the truth in if we were to come from another planet and look at how the media portrayed men what we would think they were like. I remember recently shopping for a Father’s Day card and yes they are all filled with what you have listed. It is a shame that the natural caring qualities of men are so rarely celebrated as they are indeed just gorgeous.
We really are surrounded by stereotypes for men and women, it’s ingrained in our world. I remember at junior school being asked to write about what we were going to be when we grew up. Needless to say the boys were all policemen and astronauts and the girls ballet dancers and mothers. At such as early age we were already planning our stereotype to fit in.
Thanks for starting the conversation.
So true Alison, the stereotypes thrown at us constantly are strong. It takes much courage, strength and awareness to live from our true selves. In recent years I have really come to see and appreciate the natural gentleness and tenderness in men.
Society tells men it is in the doing that makes a man, thus we often miss out on the innate tenderness and preciousness that men are. When I feel this tenderness in my husband it melts me into connecting deeper to me.
Awesome – yes – Men certainly have a huge range of ideals imposed upon them. Here’s to true men doing what is true for them.
“Is it possible that the narrowness of what we are ‘told’ men are like limits all of us?” it does indeed create stereotypes which are difficult to override. On a recent television panel I saw two men very emotional and very responsive to the need of children with disabilities. The women had rational reasons for not investing in the very worthwhile project. At first I was very surprised but then questioned myself. I’m obviously falling into the groove of expecting business men to be hard as nail but was truly happy to see that it is a false belief. To all the men out there please show us your tenderness.
“Is it possible that the narrowness of what we are ‘told’ men are like limits all of us? How much do men bend to fit this mould, and how much do we miss out on when they do?” These questions need to be asked more to realise what we all miss when expressions are limited by these ideas we have what, in this case men, should do to be a real man. I appreciate the men in my life who are starting to explore and live their natural tenderness and sensitivity,
I love how you playfully and simply point out the stereotypical roles we all play – so much so that we often forget that we are playing a ‘part’. At the core of each and everyone of us is a preciousness and tenderness that can never go away, as you point out though it can be covered up, so much so that sometimes we even forget that it is there. Thank you both for reminding us that it is still there.
A real man showing his natural tenderness and loving ways – you’ve got me every time!
Thanks to Serge Benhayon we have a living example of how men can live and be in their tenderness and as a result I have met many men also embracing their tenderness. It is very beautiful to see and I agree a gift to us all.
I agree that the current stereotypes for men (and women) are such different concepts from what is the true essence of humans. It is very dis-arming when people recognise and are comfortable showing their tenderness, not to mention a wonderful gift to others around them.
Awesome blog Adrienne and Peta. Men truly are as tender and sensitive as women and I appreciate seeing and feeling this with the men in my life. We can buy into what society may tell us or we can feel and know the truth.
Beautiful blog — I like how you equate tenderness with manliness– this is the right of every man
It’s unfortunate that men often feel imprisoned by the stereotypes society has placed on them. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if men were appreciated not for what they did, but instead ( as Adrienne and Petra suggest) for their “..innate delicateness, sensitivity and beauty..”
We often appreciate men for what they do and society sells to them that it is about what they do – good father, worker, husband, mate etc Imagine if they were appreciated for who they are? Tender and strong, beautiful and caring – the list is endless. Would this not then allow all men to be appreciated for all that they are and put an end to the stereotypes that imprison men and have both men and women missing out on how incredible men truly are.
This is so true Penny and what I find is we are all able to feel these qualities in men, so when these other society ‘norms’ are imposed on them, we all react, men, women, because we can feel how different they are in their essence. Such an illusion that the other ‘societal sells’ that men generally live up to, they live up to just feels wrong.
I agree Penny, to appreciate men for who they are and not what they do is a game changer…and I could say the same for women too.
This blog inspires a great call for appreciation of the gorgeousness that men truly are. With the way men are expected to be and behave by the narrowness of the stereotypes that we as a society have created, yes, I do believe we miss out on a whole lot of what men have to share with us. Thank you Adrienne and Peta for raising this question and highlighting the point that the natural beauty of men is always there to be appreciated.
I entirely agree with you Adrienne. Could we also say the same thing about “Mothers’ Day”?
I have met many men recently who are connecting to their tenderness, and it is truly beautiful and inspiring to see. They feel more real to me, and I know ALL men have this tenderness and sensitivity inside them, and how amazing it is to have these tender, gentlemen to reflect this back to them. Yes it IS ok for men to let down their guard and allow themselves to be the delicate creatures that they innately are. What a difference, not only in man to woman relationships but in man to man relationships, it would make if men realised their true tenderness. I have seen many men give each other a true, heartfelt hug, no “patting on the back there”, lovely. Thank-you Adrienne and Peta for your words.
Thank you Adrienne, I have met many men recently who are connecting to their tenderness, and it is truly beautiful and inspiring to see. They feel more real to me, and I know ALL men have this tenderness and sensitivity inside them, and how amazing it is to have these tender, gentlemen to reflect this back to them. Yes it IS ok for men to let down their guard and allow themselves to be the delicate creatures that they innately are. What a difference, not only in man to woman relationships but in man to man relationships, it would make if men realised their true tenderness. I have seen many men give each other a true, heartfelt hug, no “patting on the back there”, lovely. Thank-you Adrienne for your words.
Thank you Adrienne and Peta for the wise expression in this blog.
It is such a joy to be with and appreciate the gorgeous men in my life
A great article appreciating the gorgeous tenderness of men. Have women pushed many men into adopting the macho man image by glamourizing this in women’s magazines and swooning at this portrayal in films? How beautiful it is when we are with men who are confident to be and be seen to be the loving tender people they naturally are.
You have hit the nail on the head. Men are represented as stereotypical characters with little depth or diversity. This is so strongly represented by advertising that men must feel squeezed in to one these boxes. How amazing it would be to let the real men out and discover the diversity that is there. Father’s Day would get a lot more interesting!
I wonder how women would be perceived if someone from another planet saw them through the medias eyes?
What a turn around and shift in consciousness if father’s day, thus if men were celebrated for their tenderness and precisousness…. there feels so much joy and expansion in this for every one.
Thank you for bringing this to the fore Adrienne and Peta. These stereotypes do limit us men in all what we are and bring harm to society of such a magnitude that we are not willing to see yet. Men are far from what you so beautifully have summed up and I know men, including myself, that are making an effort to explore what the true nature of men actually is. This is a great way to be with men, to be honest about our untrue and harming behaviours while being a playful forever student to learn what it actually is to live a live as a man while allowing ourselves to make mistakes in this learning process.
I don’t celebrate fathers day or mothers day. I do however celebrate the many men and women in my life regularly. The qualities that each one brings to our relationship is to be treasured.
Beautiful, it is beautiful as a man to not go with all those stereotypes and just be who I truly am, there is such a joy to not need to be anything like those things.
When men are letting down their defenses , what you will find is a tender and sensitive soul. This is irrespective of what stereo type they fit into.
My partner has always been a bit of a softy, but very interested in cars and tools. In a way there is a bit of truth in that men in generally do like cars and tools more then women do, as they have the muscles to use them, but yes, there is certainly no need to disregard the sweetness and tenderness inside them. There are signs in society that it slowly gets acknowledged, like men being accepted in their role as a loving and caring father, but we still have a long way to go. Getting rid of alcohol and competitive sports would be a good start.
I agree Regina, we have a good start but quite a long way to go, especially around how men socialize. Getting together over a beer is a hard one to break where we think it’s normal when it’s not really. When it’s grasped and accepted to be in another way I feel that a lot of the things men do will be let go of and I doubt anyone will miss them very much.
Wow Lee – the world would be amazing as it should be.
I agree Linda- imagine no judgement, comparison, or jealousy between men with men and men with woman.
No denigrating of women would occur. No abusive relationships would exist. No divorce. No workplace politics.
The true essence of everyone would be expressed in full- true equality and harmony would be the norm. How exquisitely loving, and beautiful it would be.
“What if we considered more deeply what it is to be a man – beyond the rough, rugged, outdoors stereotype, or the beer drinking, car loving bloke, the gadget guy or the sophisticated executive roles we’ve all been fed – and appreciated instead the innate delicateness, sensitivity and beauty of men?” What would the world be like if we all considered this?
Thank you Adrienne and Peta for exposing the stereotyping of men. It is beautiful for me as a woman in an all male household (including the dog!) to feel the tenderness of my husband and sons. When I am with them I am so much more aware of the times when I am in too much motion and this can be quite a humbling but exposing experience – it gives me the opportunity to feel the resistance in me and to connect to myself more deeply.
Thank you for this beautiful blog, that is so very true.
As one of those who never wanted and could fit into the model of how a man should be by society standards, I can only agree that the restrictions on men are no different to those imposed on women.
I often was made to feel that what I did was wrong, and started to have doubts myself. During my childhood it was interesting to feel that on the one hand there seemed to be admiration from others when seeing a boy that loved horses, painted, enjoyed needlework and spent hours gardening. Sometimes this appreciation was even voiced, but more often than not people felt awkward and tried to say something like “Oh how nice is that, but well, why don’t you go and play football with the other boys. The awkwardness and the less than appreciating comments and seemed to intensify with the size of a group, as if there was a fear of appreciating something that was not accepted by the majority. As I could not bend myself, I became an outsider.
Finally when meeting my partner and later meeting many incredibly tender fellow male students whilst attending Universal Medicine courses, it became so obvious to me that I was not only far from wrong but very very right. This gave me the courage to let out more and more of what I truly am.
Men in their essence are tender and playful and this faked up big difference between male and female is but a trick – be it for marketing, control or tradition.
It is so beautiful to live our tenderness and beauty each and every day
Thanks for sharing this. As a man and someone who works in the building industry many or nearly all of these ideals and beliefs are supposed to apply. Luckily for me they don’t but I do know that I have often been in the position where I didn’t fit in on the job site because I don’t subscribe to this way of living. My journey in the industry is to bring about a change in the way I work, so that my work is done with the tenderness that I am as a man and not from a place of not caring for my body and not caring for my work.
Hear, hear Adrienne and Peta. Such stereotyping leaves every one of us as less – ridiculous, when there is so much more to men, and us all, than the boxed version we are bombarded with from so many angles.
Yes Victoria, what I can feel is that I have been looking at the abuses of women, the impositions, believes and ideals.. But at the same time what I can feel now is that this is actually being done the same on men.. So it was never only about women but about men equally. This to touches a very tender point within myself, knowing that both men and women have been bombarded with all those ideals and beliefs from young, so it is our time to step up and let know who we are, which does not look like any ideal and belief, this counts for women and men equally. What a freedom. Thank you Adrienne.
I would also like to say that I love the picture that headlines this article. It melts me to see a father and son really hug each other, and not do that weird hug where where the two huggers are pushing each other away, trying to minimise any body contact!
Beautifully written by two daughters who know the true value of their gorgeous dad’s.
My father and I stopped celebrating father’s day many years ago. Our relationship is based on everyday appreciation of each other. Not into fishing, sport, booze or home brewing, my father is a unique man who over the years has come to value himself and his uniqueness. I feel privileged to have observed his deepening love for himself.
He and I enjoy rich philosophical conversations and the simple joy of each others company. Today we are going to share a beautiful meal and the pretext of celebrating my birthday. What we are really celebrating is each other, and the fact that he is a beautiful man and I am a beautiful woman.
There is nothing better than that.
This is beautiful. My dad is a rugged type sometimes, but deep down he is just the biggest softy and is so gentle and tender. Good thing though seeing as he had three daughters and now has a granddaughter! Watching him with my niece and their relationship develop is one of my biggest joys. He looks at her with such awe and tenderness and it just melts me. Lets celebrate this side of men as much, if not more than the way that they help us do the practical things. I once heard Serge Benhayon present that men ‘do’ things for us because it is evidence of their worth that cant be challenged because it can be seen. Lets let them know their worth is more than what they do, instead its about who they are as divine beings.
“It could unfold into the kind of Father’s Day where we acknowledged and treasured the tenderness of men and enjoyed all that came from men being allowed to be and share their beauty.” – How beautiful you have expressed this Adrienne, thank you for bringing this in as a real possibility.
This is such a lovely simple read and allows me to feel that more and more I am feeling the tenderness within men – rather then putting up a barrier of protection and from here, it is so beautiful to feel their presence is so still and tender and is actually asking me to be more of who I am.
Beautiful blog, men are absolutely very tender, delicate and beautiful. What would happen if we would honour this as a society? I am very sure it will benefit all.
So simply and yet so powerful Adrienne, what you have shared. There is so much more to men than what is presented by the media, but they are so railroaded into being put in these boxes we all help construct and keep in place, rarely questioning these norms. So thank you for calling out how we can consider fathers/men in another and more true way.
Beautifully said. We have such a narrow mindset about men and it so easily comes to the fore when we think about men, talk with and about men and just in general how we see them, it is really a very narrow and tainted view and it shows how very much we buy into the stereotypes we are fed and grow up with. Thank you for bringing awareness to this that there is more to men than we allow ourselves to see, ‘the innate delicateness, sensitivity and beauty of men’.
What an honouring of men and the truth about men in this article Adrienne and Peta. I love when you suggest that when we put limits on others (confining men to a box of what men do and like, and don’t do and like) we might just be doing this with everyone else as well as with ourselves. It’s like we’ve stereotyped men, and we’ve stereotyped everyone else as well. Whereas the truth is, every man is born exquisitely sensitive and tender, and when a man honours this before us we have the gorgeousness of a man who knows who he truly is. That’s a man in his true power.
It would be truly freeing to have no ideals or beliefs about how to be ‘a man’ and allowed to just be.
Andrew it would most certainly be freeing as the belief about how to be “a man” gets in the way on many occasions.
Why have we stereotyped man the way as Adrienne and Peta so lovely describe and why do men try to fit in this picture? What as a society do we get from this by keeping it alive and why is there is no intention to stop this? Could it be that when no alternative is presented in a true form, to give people the reflection of another way of being, that it is impossible for us to connect with it? Universal Medicine shows us this other way and gives an amazing support to all people who are ready to walk the path back to who we truly are. Through this support I have been able to slowly unravel the stereotypes I have taken on and now I am also able to show this way of being as a man to all other man I meet in my everyday life. It is a great joy to feel that when I show my tenderness that the other man also connect to his tenderness and that all because I am giving him the opportunity to connect to this tenderness he also caries deep within.
I’m not interested in cars, love a good romcom and am partial to the odd bath, bubbles and all. It is great to read an article that questions why this wouldn’t be ok. I have always noticed in the crowds of guys I have kept company with that there is a lot of testing out, seeing what is acceptable to like and how far you can go in expressing something. I always admired the men who would just say, well I like this and I don’t care what you think.
What I just felt a glimpse of, through reading your sharing, was how confining it would feel to live in a body with the imposed belief that it is NOT ok to have a bath…
Wow! This has really opened my eyes, and is helping me let go of my victim mentality around being a woman.
A very good point and discussion to have on how we stereotype men so much; in doing this it does not give them the space or freedom to acknowledge their beauty, tenderness, gentleness and all that they are and allow them to be this. I really love hearing and reading the word beauty regarding men, because I feel it honours this very valid quality in them, that is not normally given. Again another stereotype where beauty is a word used so much with women and hardly at all with men… lets change this : )
‘Men are so much more than we think they are.’ so true Susan and maybe more than they think they are.
At christmas I witnessed and enjoyed the wonderful tender hugs between the men and their children, but then they shook hands with their own fathers. Feels like a conversation in the waiting.
It’s great coming back to this article to see if I have become more honest and tender, more into flowers and still into tools and bbqs and it’s great to know and feel I can just be me, and be what I want without the pressure of what I should be, and to know I will be loved what ever that is and not judged for choosing what is right for me, or if I am judged it doesn’t affect me.
This is a great blog to reread as a gentle reminder of the tenderness we all are and I can feel this in men more and more. The lists show how stereotypical we have become in our thinking. I especially love reading the comments from the men on this page – thank you 🙂
Those very stereotypes that you both have exposed so well are the ones that society imposes on very young boys, and then later claims that “Well, their just being boys”, when they act rough, beat up their bodies and each other, etc. It’s like a self-perpetuating thing that people have claimed is innate in boys and men, but never truly existed in the first place. Rather, out of some need for men to adopt that “role” we have imposed it and then acted like there is nothing we can do about it, it’s a foregone conclusion that all men fit that mold that Adrienne and Peta have laid out so nicely here. We all have responsibility to allow young boys to just be, and not ask of them to do anything to prove themselves or live up to some tough role model that is not helping anyone, in truth.
You are right Michael, “It’s like a self-perpetuating thing that people have claimed is innate in boys and men, but never truly existed in the first place.” We have set up the very behaviour in men that we do not like and then complain about it afterwards.
This is such an important point that we need to address as a society – why do we celebrate men for the list of things that they do (that you have so clearly written down), instead of for their true beauty? What I feel is also important is making this a DAILY CELEBRATION, not necessarily an ANNUAL one – if this were the case, what would humanity look like?
I visited my dad in hospital today. He was feeling a bit fed up as he’s been in there for a couple of weeks. I tenderly applied some Esoteric Massage cream to his face and he said that it made him feel better.
You’ve presented so aptly how we all – men and women – get caught and ‘reduced’ by media stereotyping in order to fit in. That Fathers’ Day should itself be celebrated and embraced every day rather than just one day a year is another story, but your list of the reality of the narrowness that is provided as the expression playground for men on that day is a reminder of how divisive this can be to men feeling comfortable with their own essence. I always struggle to find a birthday card for a man – brother, father, lover, boss, friend, nephew – because they are all living so much more than the two dimensional cartoon characters presented in the options available. Time to expand the greetings card range for the male of the species and bring a more balanced, truthful and representative range of options. This will only happen when we begin to recognise and accept men for who they truly are and the benefits of the natural essence they bring.
I loved the expression of this blog, Adrienne and Peta. The images we see on Father’s day cards is exactly as you have described, beer drinking, golf and car enthusiasts etc. It’s like we have created a straight jacket of how men should be and behave. Imagine if we celebrated men and dads for their natural, tender ways, how much it would liberate men from trying to fit into a mould. As a result how it would liberate women from trying to compete with men and out do them, thereby bringing ourselves back to our innate essence too.
It is such a joy through the inspiration of Serge, Michael and Curtis Benhayon and the many men of Universal Medicine to now have connected with my tenderness and no longer feel I have to hide and suppress my true nature.
I am going to be bold and daring and say that I am a real tender and delicate man who also loves a really fine quality tool set too!
Yeah Matts! That’s so bold.
Thank you Adrienne and Peta. It seems so obvious that we should celebrate every aspect of a man not just the masculine ones…..and yet the way things are set up we are continually encouraged to almost only celebrate the masculine side. I love how you have shown the way that you appreciate the honouring of your “innate delicateness, sensitivity and beauty”. I know how precious and exquisite it feels to meet this tenderness in a man and welcome it wholeheartedly. The allowing and acceptance of this I feel could literally change the world.
Hi Adrienne and Peta, thank you for this great article, for me it really opens up the discussion about what expectations are placed on to men.
Fathers and men should be celebrated every day, not just on a commercially contrived ‘Father’s Day’. A man feeling the freedom to express his true tenderness is something to be celebrated and shared.
I have just imagined all “Father’s Days from now on celebrating the true beauty of men”. I love it, bring it on, the sooner the better. However, I know it is also up to me to do my part in allowing the men I meet to see and feel their true beauty.
Thank you for sharing. This quote stood out for me “Is it possible that the narrowness of what we are ‘told’ men are like limits all of us?” Yes, I feel it does limit the whole of society to put men or anyone else in a box, rather allowing all of us to express ourselves as we wish. Seeing those father day cards once a year, just seems ridiculous to me, my husband and father of two children will never fit in such a narrow criteria, and if we are honest no man would. It is a means of control to dictate what a person likes and should be interested in. Lovely exposure and an important topic to discuss.
Gosh we really do put men into a box. When reading the first list, I actually thought, ‘well most men do like those things’, but I guess that is an assumption and stereotype, and shows that I’ve been putting the lid on that box and really missing out on a whole lot of other lovely stuff.
For me it is about being true. I do like lots of tools and B-b-qs – I’d be lying if I said I didn’t, in fact the first list has been me most of my life. I also love flowers the look and smell and I agree with Matts I quite often like the colours and styles of female clothes and would wear them if they suited me. I’m becoming more tender but can still blow my stack. Tenderness and expression are my tools of the moment to bring on my delicateness but for me it’s a working progress.
This is such a sweet blog. Reading through your two lists of what men like I could feel the rigidity and inflexibility in the first one and then sweet relief and gorgeousness in the second. The beliefs we hold about how men should be are so restricting they feel painful. The men that I know who have expanded beyond these boundaries are living proof of the true beauty that men hold and can express, and that they do not have to align to all the usual presumptions and expectations. True freedom indeed!
Someone told me a really interesting story the other day. He works in a restaurant. Mother’s Day – the place is crammed full. Father’s Day – empty. It is up to us, as men and/or fathers to claim ourselves, claim the celebration of ourselves, claim the fact that we are worth a dinner out, claim that we are worth treating. The more we do that, the more women will see our natural tenderness and fragility and the more they are then free to express their own. And so it goes on. Everyone shedding all these imposed suits of armour or protection and everyone returning to their true expression. And my friend’s restaurant being very busy!
Awesome sharing Otto! I had a visit today by a man selling alarms and he was so unimposing in his manners and I told him so. Just being that honest and sharing with another man is so liberating and freeing. We spent at least an hour chatting about how important it is to meet people and how uncomfortable it is when ‘salesmen’ try to sell you something just to get the deal through. We said good bye with a smile on our faces and when it’s time to install an alarm I know who to go to.
Here’s to their restaurant being jam packed on Father’s Day Otto. It really is time that men claimed that they are indeed worth celebrating. To drop the stoic armour and feel fragility and tenderness. What a beautiful day it will be.
Wow Otto, something I have never considered, but definitely will now xx
I agree 100% Otto!
It’s an inspiring thought that men could be celebrated for just being them – not celebrated for what they do or the hobbies they have… Thank you for sharing Adrienne and Peta.
How have we given such sensitive men idealistics based on what some men like to do in their spare time, which is fine, but why do most men have to be associated with these. This is unfair to men as they get little say, otherwise they would be called un-manly or dis-missed by their friends who know no better. Thank you for sharing this amazing blog.
So true Ben. It’s like a one size fits all which is just so limiting and untrue.
Thank you Adrienne and Peta. I have always felt how restrictive and narrow the accepted male expression is. I grew up with a very gentle and sensitive Dad who didn’t buy into the male stereotype at all. He wasn’t into cars, DIY or fishing. I remember as a child that he would cry very easily tears of joy and sadness and really didn’t try to hold them back.
I remember as I grew up and entered the wider world being quite confused at how men were. I was met with qualities that were very different to the sensitivity I was used to. I realise now that I very much withdrew from men from an early age. Through meeting Serge Benhayon and the fellow male Universal Medicne Students I can now see how accessible men’s tenderness and sensitivity are. I feel as women we have a responsibility in letting go of the stereotypical roles and expectations we place on men and allow their tenderness and sensitivity to shine.
Men are naturally tender and sensitive, all we have to do as women is give them the space to connect to that part of them, a part that has been denied by the ideals and beliefs that are put upon them from an early age. I love to be in the company of men connecting to their innate natural tenderness, it is a magical moment, I can feel all their natural strength without any of the bravado and it is a joy to be with them.
One of the things that comes to mind reading the article and the comments is that we sometimes think that the woman is the one who’s got it in terms of looking after her self, being open with what she feels and this is true generally speaking but what I’ve observed with some women, is that they tend to get more and more into the male driven way and almost becoming more male than us men. So in a sense I wouldn’t actually look at women in general as how we men could or should be in our lives but just listen to that innateness we have in us all. So many times when I meet other men I can see how delicate and sensitive they are and it seems like it’s just a breath away from being there and lived, but sometimes there is something that holds us back from really expressing and embodying that, and I guess that is something that both women and men are working on – letting that inner quality just be without worrying about it being right or not.
Love It Matts!
So true Matts. It is definitely not exclusive to men to hold back tenderness and expression. I love what you say in terms of finding our own way, to not mimic or copy another but connect to our own innate delicate quality.
Yes we are quite alike on the inside aren’t we! That’s what I like about not genderising things.
Absolutely! Amazing blog! We have stereotyped men to be so far away from their natural and tender essence. Men are equally beautiful, sweet and tender as women – why do we not truly celebrate them for who they are? And why do we as a society not even allow them the grace of that?
Very true Meg, ‘we have stereotyped men to be so far away from their natural and tender essence. Men are equally beautiful, sweet and tender as women.’
Beautiful Adrienne and Peta, how amazing it would be if we had adverts encouraging us to buy for our fathers beautiful bubble baths, gorgeous body creams and scents to celebrate their own tenderness? They can still go fishing and fix things, if that’s what they love – it’s just we shouldn’t say that’s all there is to them, for they are so much more.
I love your comment Matts, I would definitely love to see men ‘unleash that gorgeousness we are without feeling that its a bad thing’. I would support and celebrate this. I notice when shopping for clothes for my little boy that the girls section is usually twice as big as the boys, the clothes are much more pretty and sparkly and sweet for the girls and for the boys the clothes are usually blue, grey or brown and they look tough, often with army patterns or a skull and cross bone on.
Love what you are saying about clothes Matts (would it be too honest of me to admit that I have a couple of very colourful skirts!!??). But, it is so true about children’s clothes. My daughter has all these sparkly trainers and boots and I can see my youngest son looking rather confused and disappointed at the racks of shoes that are ‘meant for boys’. You only have to go into the kids clothes section of a department store to see how imposing and rigid the gender stereotypes are. And the huge big signs; “Boys”, “Girls”. Even for the toddlers. At that age, they have no idea…they are just beautiful bundles of playful expression that is certainly not limited to the narrow confines of pink and blue. That is what we, as adults, impose on them and have had imposed on us. Wouldn’t it be awesome if there was no sectioning off. If all the boys and girls clothes were together. That would be delicious. Everyone free to express as they want to.
Feels like we’re onto something here Otto! Imagine there being no boys or girls section or man / woman… Could we dare say there would be a tiny situation of confusion…? It would so display how we put out there for something else to dictate how men, women, boys and girls should look like. And also how we let that happen. Then we think that boys like this and girls like that when most of it is conditioned from pretty much birth. As you say Otto, they are beautiful bundles of joy and should be allowed for that to be expressed. And that might make us consider that how we are and our expression doesn’t necessarily come from our genes, or our jeans for that matter, but how we feel ourselves to be from within. I feel that is something really important to make room for.
Otto, I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been in a shop and admired an item, loved the colour, considered trying it on, and then realised it’s for women and I’m standing in the women’s section 🙂 I also have a colourful skirt, but it’s called a Kilt where I come from.
Love it Stephen, let’s go for it I’d say. Women would most probably love the presence of a beautiful man.
Yepp, happens to me all the time when I am in a clothes shop, simply drawn to the more tender and lighter colours in the women´s section. My wife recently bought a pair of men sneakers as they were offered for women as well, the other way round not so easy with the size, but maybe one day.
It would not only be great to have the choice but to absolutely not being imposed by any stereotype that especially for men often comes with some sort of aggression expressed by style, colour etc suggesting adventure, control, freedom, independence, action or else – the product making you the man (image) you want to present as a form of identification that usually is nothing more than protection.
I love what you are sharing here, Matts and Otto. My son is also very fond of fluffy and tender feeling materials. It feels there is a restriction of the true beauty boys and men have to not allow them to express that in their clothes as well. And yes, girls and women are waiting for real men to show themselves to the world.
I love this thread and can only feel: of course men love soft and fluffy things too, they have sensitive skins, tender fingertips just like women do. And I absolutely love the idea of getting rid of the boys and girls sections. Make every design in a boy and a girls fitting and if the parents stay out of it Im sure we would see the most amazing expressions from kids.
Hi Kathie, I was about to say don’ get me started on designs and clothes… So many times I wondered why men’s models and colors are generally not as colorful and well designed as women’s, especially when it comes to shoes. The women’s models are usually more detailed and seems to be made with more effort into making them something that supports them, especially the winter models with all that fluffy things inside, I’m quite jealous of that. If you women start asking for bigger sizes on ladies shoes they might start producing them, then we men can browse around the women’s section as well. I’d go for UK size 9 or 43 1/3. Talking about clothes I am actually just wearing a warm fluffy hoodie bought in the women’s department. I hesitated for a short bit when I saw that it was a woman’s model but it was too good to not be bought. So it’s definitely time for us men to unleash that gorgeousness we are without feeling that it’s a bad thing. Women are dying for us to show it off without holding back, isn’t that true ladies? And I’m in a great place to say that since it seems to be mostly women writing and commenting in this blog… so far anyways.
Thanks Matts you have prompted me to ponder on the differences in men’s and women’s clothing. If occurs to me looking at children’s clothes that girls have a choice of dresses or trousers in any colour including blue. Just trousers for the boys and certainly no pink.
Then it goes further, I realise that if I meet a parent with a baby I automatically assume the gender based on the colour the baby is wearing. I wonder at what age it does become acceptance for males to wear pink.
My immediate reaction to your comments about texture was that men need ‘hard wearing’ garments. Hmmm!
I look forward to seeing you in your new hoodie, because, yes, Matts, as a female, I am delighted to experience you unleash your gorgeousness as a male.
Wow – I know how deeply touching it is to be truly acknowledged and treasured for the tenderness I myself as a man can and do bring. To transpose this into Fathers day would be ground breaking, it would give men everywhere license to show their true tender caring side, one which many have hidden from the world fearing rejection or humiliation. Men get confused as we are asked to be tough and strong out in the world, to not show our feelings yet we are also expected to be tender at home – not celebrated for it. By slowly acknowledging and treasuring men’s tenderness the world will, and is, changing – babies are one of the best at allowing men to show this exquisite side, we love it and slowly men are showing more of it in everyday life, rather than trying to live up to the macho image.
James you have expressed for me what I wished to say. It will be amazing when Father’s Day does celebrate our tenderness.
Yes James, put a man and a baby together and the result is tenderness. It is beautiful to watch a man leave behind his tough exterior to hold the little creature with care, love and gentleness. But society dictates that he be strong and macho to protect and raise this baby. How confusing it must be.
As I read through your list of assumptions about men Adrienne it reminded me of the designs chosen for men’s greetings cards and the striking difference for those for women’s…and yes it is even there in the boys’ and girls’ section.
Here’s to the creation of a whole new genre that celebrates the appreciation that I, and other female contributors have expressed here, have for the beauty~filled tenderness that Serge Benhayon has inspired so many men to claim.
Hmm, you ask a very interesting question, and one which has left me questioning what expectations I have placed on men….asking myself have I really been open to men being their true tender selves, or at times was it more comfortable for me if men conformed to the stereotype? It is so often the case that women bemoan what society expects of them, and so I cringe a bit as I realise the part that I unwittingly played in doing exactly the same where men are concerned. Having read your blog it is easier to see this from a bigger picture, almost as if it is a cruel joke that has been played on both men and women, leaving each unable to fully appreciate the qualities of the other, and somehow almost battling unnecessarily against each other.
So true Catherine, I also feel everything you say and find it a cruel joke that pushes men and women to ignore their own inner knowing of what is right for them, and has them act as is prescribed and expected of them. In effect men and women end up as a caricature version of themselves. And yes I too have been an unwitting part. Thanks to conversations such as this that facilitate honesty and understanding, we have the possibility to see our part in all of this and be inspired to make a different choice,
I feel a long awaited coming home reading your comment Catherine. A coming home for men and women to have true relationships without the clouding of old expectations.
Yes I agree Catherine, how often do we as women expect men to fall into a certain way of being that suits our needs. As you rightly say, as women we bemoan when this happens to us, yet we unwittingly impose similar stereotype beliefs onto men, and then wonder why we are missing out on their tender, gentle qualities that are naturally there, if we were but to allow it.
I completely agree with you here, how can we expect things to change coming to us if we don’t change how we are towards them? Not just between genders but everyone, including ourselves. If I hold onto this picture or mould of my dad (or men in general) of being x,y,z I don’t allow myself to see all the rest or in fact, the reality that is there being rejected because it can’t and won’t fit into that mould.
What a great discussion this is and yes we have been as much a part of the whole gender bastardisation as men have been. Both genders have given in to roles, beliefs, pictures and expactations and we have set a wheel in motion that for some may seem impossible to stop or change course. But I have seen first hand what happens when both men and women rerun to their natural tenderness and sensitivity and then share it with each other. It is the most beautiful thing on earth. All we can do is take responsibility for how we live and approach others, but every choice we make differently from that old paradigm changes the course of that wheel.
Thank you for a really beautiful and exposing article. I know that for so many men, they seem to have a set of can and can’t do’s based on what society thinks is and isn’t manly. For me reading the article, when I read about men having baths, a part of my mind went, “that’s weird” – which just shows how ingrained this stereotype is. I think you’re right in asking if this limits men.
I feel it limits us as long as we chose it to limit us, and if we start looking what we already have, those things that might have been demanding of us to be in a certain way no longer can, because we stop giving it the power to do so, and so we can become free.
Beautifully said Matts, I couldn’t agree more.
A beautiful blog thank you. Men are so much more than those stereotypes. Unfortunately at this point in our history mainstream society are stuck with an ideal of what it is to be a man and this ideal acts as poison to the man who is looking to find himself. Fortunately people are now waking up to these imposed ideas and looking within to find themselves. Your blog captures this beautifully, thank you.
I feel that in time we will say that the stereotype of a man is the one that loves himself as being tender, love filled and cares of himself and everyone else equally.
I agree Matts, more men are beginning to look after themselves and feeling the love and tenderness they are. It is just a matter of time, when this becomes a normal way of life for men.
Thank you for posing the question ‘Is it possible that the narrowness of what we are ‘told’ men are like limits all of us? How much do men bend to fit this mould, and how much do we miss out on when they do?’ It feels like there is so much pressure on men to cover up their innate tenderness and we all lose because of this. The experience of being around men who are willing to share their tenderness has been very healing for me and I truly appreciate it.
I’d never really stopped to consider fathers day, as I’ve always been in a reaction to it and all the hype that it comes with. It’s great to stop and feel what if it was actually a time to appreciate and celebrate men for who their truly are. Serge Benhayon, Michael Benhayon and Curtis Benhayon along with many other men have inspired us with who true men are and they certainly are worth celebrating and appreciating. When you say “treasured the tenderness of men” this touches me deeply. Thank you.
I have seen this too Jenny, and been so aware recently of the gentleness and sensitivity of the men who have been supported to find their essential loving selves by Serge Benhayon, and their ability to be tender and loving with each other and women, and communicate and express that gentleness. I have also noticed the fathers, (and grandfathers), the regular public, who bring their babies and young children to The Creative Aquatic Pool at the Sound Foundation Centre, their tenderness with the children is beautiful, their innate tenderness supported by the gentleness, warmth and welcome of the pool and the work there of Simone Benhayon with children.
It is actually so normal to live the sensitive and tender man I am, compared to the hard and tough men I tried to be in the past. The strain to behave myself like this before I met Serge Benhayon who has shown me that there is another way to be as a men, has hurt me so much. Regardless of this hurt I was in, I was not able to connect to that quality in me anymore and tried to numb the pain with all kind of vices available to me in life. Therefore it is great that this way of being as men, is reflected by the Benhayon family and all esoteric students as this true men’s quality is what all men are looking out for, giving them the permission to also integrate this quality of natural sensibility and tenderness in there lives.
Thank you Adrienne and Peta for asking us to consider more deeply what it truly is to be a man. It would be such a joy to live in a world where the true beauty of men was both expressed and valued.
I agree Elizabeth it would indeed be a joy.
There is so much more to a man than we are presented with in our daily lives. This stereo typing only seeks to further keep men away from expressing the tenderness and love they truly are, and only implants further the expectations and roles we place on them. It is amazing to see many men that I know step into the glory that they are through support from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, and to see women learn to readjust too to this unfolding from within.
I agree Jenny, without the love and support from Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon I would definitely still be in the top column of what men would love to do. Thank you Adrienne and Peta for sharing this blog.
Beautifully said Jenny. If women showed their appreciation of the tenderness in men then they would feel free to show their tenderness. A simple start might be if women also gave men flowers to reflect the beauty that they are?
Well said Jenny and Mary and we would definitely appreciate flowers!
Yup. I love flowers. Even more awesome it would be if men gave flowers to each other.
I love and grow orchards, they are beautiful and delicate and a reflection of who I am.
Wow! This blog is amazing because I have never considered men in this way and have bought into the ideology that men are x, y and z as described in the list about men liking cars, etc. To read the comments from men here about receiving flowers is changing my perspective. Thank you!
That is such a beautiful suggestion Otto, I had never even considered it before, it is such an habitual belief that men give women the flowers. How many other tender, gentle and loving gestures there must be that would reflect how men can be sensitive and loving with each other? It is time to split open the stereotypes and open up all the possibilities of gentle communication between men and men, and women and men. I know this is possible as I am meeting more and more gentle men, and it is so lovely to be in their presence.
I do definitely love flowers and it is very lovely to give them to a man as well. When I think about it , when we go to a couple and we bring flowers with us I will almost automatically give them to the woman and not to the man. It is a strange behavior I have developed based on all these stereotyping that is constantly fed to us how a man should behave.
great observation Nico, it is true that the flowers traditionally go to the woman and not the man, what an interesting assumption and lack of honouring the man.
How incredible Mary that you were willing to share how you felt about the men and the way they lovingly responded, My teenage sons let themselves become as soft a marshmallows as well when I connect with them for the loveliness they are.
I love how this is written and can feel the beauty in what’s being expressed and how this honours this equally in men. Thank you
Adrienne thank you for this beautiful gentle article. I have known many men who are tender, sensitive and very caring one to one, but as soon as there is a crowd, especially other men, they put on a brash, uncaring, laddish behaviour. I also know many men who are very tender, sensitive and tick the whole of your “what if you are a man who” list and feel steady enough within themselves to not get swayed by external influence. A gorgeous suggestion for us to appreciate the innate delicateness, sensitivity and beauty of men and offer them a greater space to express who they truly are.
Thank you Adrienne for sharing your tenderness with us. There are so many stereotypes that are available for men to fit into and most of them exclude the tenderness with which most, if not all men, actually yearn for. So lovely to fell your expression of gentleness.
This is so true Beverly, ‘there are so many stereotypes for men to fit into and most of them exclude the tenderness’, it feels like tenderness is seen as a weakness in a man and yet it is one of their most natural qualities, it feels cruel to impose a way that a man should be that does not accept his natural qualities but instead focuses on the very inimportant things like fishing and diy.
Yes I totally agree with you Adrienne, what if we allowed and supported their tenderness, delicateness – how much more would we really experience of the true man… a lot more as I have come to witness and it is utter Joy to be around. To all the men, bring it on as it is truly beautiful.
I love it Natalie. Yes men, do bring it on, it truly is beautiful when you express your tenderness, delicateness, who you simply are.
Totally agree Natalie and Golnaz, when men express their tenderness and sensitivity it is beautiful to see and feel, it is so natural for men to be this way, and quite simply, women LOVE IT too!
Thank you Adrienne for this article on the true beauty and tenderness of men, it would be so lovely to celebrate and confirm this truth rather than keep pushing the stereotype that men are tough and like gadgets. I feel the tenderness and gentleness in my partner and son and feel this true quality in many men that I meet.
I too can feel this tenderness in my husband and 5 sons Rebecca. I can also feel the pressure they are under to “man up” which is much a long way from who they truly are.
This is such a beautiful insight on the real beauty of a man. In reality not all men are your stereotype men but they try to be as that’s what’s expected of them to be like. They try to put a hard shell on the outside but in my experience a lot of men can be so tender and soft if you get to know them. Thanks for bringing into awareness on a true & another real side of the beauty of real men.
I agree with both of you Pinky and Mary, men are soo naturally tender and sensitive, we just have to give them the space. I used to think I had to act and behave a certain way but since meeting Serge Benhayon, being inspired by the way he lives and the teachings of Universal Medicine I have gradually allowed more of the tender man I am out for the world to see. I love it when other men express from their tender side, it feels amazing.
I agree James it is something to behold when two men are being tender with each other it is like a total shift in the world as it is currently set up, it is a great antidote to all the stereotypes that are placed on men. We all miss out with the way it is, I am constantly inspired by the men I met and how gorgeous and unimposing they are.
I Love what you have shared Mary and Pinky, the more we are open to men for who they really are and not expect them to be or react in a certain way the more chance we are going to experience the True and Beautful men that they really are.
Completely true Natalie.
I agree with you wholeheartedly Natalie. If we give men the space to be themselves you will see the true tenderness of them all. It is magical to witness.
Very true Natalie. It is not only men amongst men but also the expectations and needs that women have that keep men from living their true selves.
I love this blog and Mary I just simply melted at your description of men, beautiful, warm and soft like marshmallows.
It’s lovely what you shared Pinky and Mary. And Mary, by the fact that these men enjoyed your comment so much tells me that maybe ALL men are waiting to be acknowledged for the tender beings that they are, and this would somehow give them permission to show their true beauty and tenderness and even admit to their own vulnerability, and maybe they would actually be a little relieved not to live up to the stereotype society have placed upon them. Going back to fathers day, it brings back to me that the cards I sent to my father were always pictures of golf (his favourite, or so I thought), or cars or beer, what ever happened to hearts and flowers?
That’s so lovely Mary. Who doesn’t want to be seen for who they truly are? Men are no exception and though toughness and hardness is a front that seems to be forced on men these days, I have been noticing that it’s true, scratch the surface with appreciation and the beautiful sensitivity shines through.
I melted just reading what you wrote.
Pinky what you share is so true. Men are naturally loving and tender – if we allow them and give them the space they often do connect to this. I work with a lot of men and in my experience, I found just being open and reflecting my tenderness has allowed them to open up to their tenderness. It is beautiful to see this side of them.
How gorgeous Mary – it is amazing when we step outside the accepted norm and express what we feel is the truth.