I have been reflecting on the false claims reported in 2012 by some journalists on Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine (UniMed) being responsible for the breakup of families. I felt to expose how this is an absolute untruth by sharing a letter and conversation that I had with my husband of 11 years. Marc and I have been together since I was 19, I am now 37.
5 March 2013
Dear Marc,
I love you.
I know this is unoriginal, a commonly used phrase bandied around by everyone, but now when I say this you can feel the depth and quality of my love that is expressed in these words, and the wholeness they represent. I can see this confirmation in your beautiful eyes – and the way I smile when I say these words to you.
I have always been able to tell you that I love you, but in the past it came with reservation, holding back. I kept a piece of my heart away from you in case you hurt me. When we fought I could console myself in the knowing that you didn’t hurt all of me. The hardness that came with this protection gave me a false bravado that if things didn’t work out and we parted, I would be fine. I would be strong, I would cope and carry on.
This need to protect played out in our relationship with my being hot and cold. One minute I was all over you, the next I was distant, icy and aloof. You stayed. We had fun, we got along, we focussed on the children, we had moments of wow!, but most of all life became dull. I felt something was missing, and that missing was me!
Over time, I have been getting to know the love that is naturally within me. This re-connection began 10 years ago when I started seeing a psychologist and began exposing my hurts. You supported this, even though you had some reservations about what was so wrong that I needed to go. We talked; I explained my feeling that I had to take responsibility for the hurts I had created in my life so I could be all of me, You understood. You supported me to make the choices I needed to heal me.
Marc, you gave me the space to explore what I truly needed, without placing demands on me. As I introduced esoteric healing modalities, and in 2010 began listening to Serge Benhayon’s Esoteric Medicine presentations via audio, there was more acceptance from you.
You also had moments of resistance, but these passed because there was no denying the different quality within me. I was lovely, stable and calm. There was less frustration and less drama. I slowly began making more self-loving choices and this allowed me to feel and express more of me.
The more I lived the deep knowing of me, the more open and accepting you became. You quietly started making more self-loving choices too. The quality of our relationship deepened. I let you in more. I will be honest, there was no perfection as I was still holding back, but not as much as before.
I continued healing my hurts. I attended UniMed courses too. You, my wonderful husband, continued to support me. With time, I began to accept that I am amazing. I began to know how amazing you are too. The more love I allowed myself to feel in me, the more love I felt in you.
I allowed myself to truly feel how your presence is an absolute support for me. How your simply being around, not doing anything but just being there, makes me feel open to being all of me. This feeling is not based on need but an acceptance that true support can occur in relationships.
When I expressed this to you in words you felt it deeply. Tears welled in your eyes, your heart expanded. There was stillness flowing between us and we truthfully discussed how we felt and how we had been. We made love in that conversation and that night we felt how physical union can confirm the love we both equally are. It was amazing. We both felt it. Our relationship evolved to wholeness.
So, my darling Marc I adore you and love you with all my heart. I thank-you for being the amazing man you naturally are. For being open, gentle, fun, committed to our relationship and for allowing yourself to express how you feel. We now have a new marker for our relationship. A foundation built on openness and love which allows me to fully express me. This deepening happened because of both of us equally. I committed to truly healing my hurts which supported me to let go of protection, express true love and all of me. You committed to being open, allowing and real, which has supported you to unfold your own love. You are truly awesome! Thank you for being all of you, it is an absolute blessing to have you in my life.
Much love,
Bianca
Here is living proof that with commitment to true love (which I re-connected to because of choosing to feel – and be inspired by – the example provided by Serge Benhayon), relationships can deepen and be about absolute love.
By Bianca Barban, Melbourne, Australia
323 Comments
This is a beautiful letter of love and honesty. I have recently been re-reading some letters from my husband from when we first married 37 years ago and he was travelling abroad for work. The tender simple love that he shared in those letters brought tears to my eyes. It has taken me all this time to let go of my protection and start to be open and share all of me with him.
Wow Bianca thank you for sharing your letter with us. Your exquisite unfolding is deeply felt as I read your words. I also could feel the appreciation I have for my husband and they way he steadily stands with love and commitment to our relationship through allowing me unfold to who I am. And with this our relationship continues to expand with love. Thank you for presenting an opportunity for me to reflect and deepen my appreciation of our relationship.
Dear Bianca thank you for such a glorious sharing. The evolution of your relationship with Marc is testimony to the love you have brought to yourself and healing your hurts.
Beautiful letter Bianca. You’ve highlighted how we can grow as individuals and in relationships when we reconnect to the love that is within us.
Bianca thank you for sharing such a deeply personal and inspiring letter. I particularly liked your honesty in dealing with your hurts, recognising how you held back a part of you so that there would be a part unharmed if you fought. It has helped me to feel what we are doing now, as we are more prepared to open ourselves in full and take that chance. Who I truly am is pure and untouched and cannot be harmed, if I hold back I hurt myself, my partner and everyone else.
I am also reminded that a dear friend said when we got together, “Be in the Joy, be in all of the Joy, and do not hold back your Joy for anyone” These wise words helped me a lot in choosing that fullness.
This was truly lovely to read. It demonstrates how our relationships can develop when we take care to heal our own hurts and allow more love out and accept more love in. I am feeling the possibility and potential of this being the new norm for everyone.
Bianca, your beautiful letter is a joy to read, thank you for sharing your loving relationship, this inspires.
Reading this put such a smile on my face.
Love can go as deep as we allow it, and Universal Medicine has been a support for me too, to go deeper and stop holding my guard up ‘just in case’
Bianca – when you wrote about how simply having Marc around, him just being there supports you – that is so beautiful to hear. To not bring demand or expectation into it – loving someone simply for being who they are. How supportive is that!
And yes – I completely agree that appreciating them for just who they are allows me to be more open and more myself.
Bianca. I keep coming back to your blog, just to remind me that the person I married is still in my heart at all times.
That’s beautiful Mike.
Beautiful Mike.
We are all so deeply inter-connected through our hearts with no energetic separation actually possible.
Simply beautiful Bianca! I too am in a long term relationship that has only got better and better since being involved with Universal Medicine.
Dear Bianca, thank you for sharing what Love Is, so clearly. You and your husband are an inspiration for how loving and supportive, relationships can be.
Thank you Bianca for sharing with us the beauty of your relationship with your husband, and the way you took responsibility to heal your hurts to deepen the love you share together.
A lovely honest sharing of how taking responsibility to heal your hurts helped you to express who you are fully, and so be the love you naturally are without holding back any parts for protection. The intimacy, appreciation and love are beautiful and tangible between you and Marc.
This is such a beautiful letter Bianca – thank you for sharing it with us all
Bianca, what you express here is absolutely beautiful and very moving. It is also courageous to share such an
intimate story. It demonstrates both the importance and the power of honesty in a relationship and gives us a wonderful example.
Wow, that is such an intimate and amazing letter to share. I know that trick you used to use “I kept a piece of my heart away from you in case you hurt me.” This is something I always did and I now know I have to be open and not hold back any bit of me in fear, for a full relationship. I’m still learning to open up but seeing others relationships evolving is great for me to see what is possible.
What a beautiful letter and blog Bianca – a truly gorgeous sharing! It’s lovely to hear how supportive your relationship is and continues to flourish and unfold as you do. Your relationship with your husband is a beautiful reflection of your deep commitment to yourself, and so very inspiring!
I loved this Bianca, very honest and open. Reading this, highlighted all the superficial things that get in the way of truly expressing how I feel towards my husband. I can feel the potential that there is more than we have yet to experience and reading this letter, I feel inspired to write my own – thank you.
A beautiful example and yes proof that relationships can deepen and become more connected and committed through being inspired by Universal Medicine. Very magical, thank you for sharing your growing awareness and commitment to Love.
Thank you Bianca for sharing the deeper love you’ve found by connecting to the love in you and how that’s allowed for a deeper love with your husband – beautiful.
Bianca, this is so lovely. To express in such an open and honest way to your husband is gorgeous but then to reconfirm that’s how you feel publicly is just so cool. If this is how you express love to the world then I appreciate the loving chices you make for yourself everyday.
A beautiful love letter and an inspiring example of how a relationship can develop and deepen. I have also experienced over the last ten years how my hurts and unresolved issues can get in the way of a loving connection with my wife. But over that time we have both been committed to looking at these and dealing with them (without perfection!) and it has been well worth the journey. Lovely to know there are other couples on that journey too.
It was very inspirational to read about your evolving relationship with your husband Bianca. Thank you for sharing. I too have been inspired to make loving changes in my life since becoming a student of Universal Medicine.
Bianca, you look and feel amazing. How lovely to be honest with someone close to you and express to them how you really feel – how often we won’t go there in case we get hurt… as you say, ‘I kept a piece of my heart away from you in case you hurt me.’ So True… What a pity we go through life with this protection so we never allow ourselves to express what our heart would naturally say. Thank you for breaking the mould.
It was lovely to read your letter and to feel the expansion of your love for each other as you started to deal with your hurts. It is crazy how we hold back a little bit of ourselves thinking we are protecting ourselves, This paragraph really resonated with me “When we fought I could console myself in the knowing that you didn’t hurt all of me. The hardness that came with this protection gave me a false bravado that if things didn’t work out and we parted, I would be fine. I would be strong, I would cope and carry on.” I have so lived my life this way, thinking that I could somehow move on if things did not work out or that the hurts were too much. I have realised how much this has affected a huge part of my life and the relationship not just with those close to me but with everyone I meet. I love how you decided to take responsibility for your hurts as this is the beginning of a true relationship and that Marc supported you along the way shows the depth of your love for each other. Thank you Bianca your letter is very inspiring.
I agree it is crazy how we hold back a piece of ourselves as a way of protection. My experience has been that this protection actually hurts me even more, it is like my heart constricts and I feel less in this choice as I lose the fullness of me and the love I naturally am. I am finding that true love does not measure, it is either Love In Full or no love at all.
It is lovely to re-read this, Bianca. It makes me connect to the deep, deep appreciation of how my life has changed and the connection I now have with love through the inspiration of Serge Benhayon.
Wow this is so lovely Bianca, what a beautiful sharing. I too feel a deep appreciation and love for my partner and feel inspired by you to express this to him.
Rebecca I also felt what a great sharing the blog is in the fact that it makes me realise how much I don’t express, to the depth I feel, many simple things and the appreciation I feel about others. Yet what a support and warmth I feel when I connect to that.
Thank you David for pointing that, “makes me realize how much I don’t express”…. Expression is such a powerful tool and more: it is the base were our relationships are deepening and growing of.
David, I agree, it feels like there is so much to ‘expression’. I too am only truly beginning to appreciate how powerful and healing our expression is.
Thank you David for your comment… I found it most healing as I could feel the resistance within me and as I allowed myself to feel it, a lot of sadness. It hurts me so much every time I hold back and don’t express the love and appreciation I feel for another.
That is also what struck me David that Bianca could express what she clearly felt. I am beginning to understand that you cannot express anything unless you have allowed yourself to feel it in full, and by saying something out loud it comes through your body.
Thank you for sharing this very honest letter Bianca. Your commitment to make self-loving choices and to deal with your past hurts is very inspiring.
Bianca, your letter to Marc was lovely to read. When we lovingly take responsibility to heal our hurts this creates more space for us to be the love that we truly are, which can only deepen our relationships and support others in dealing with their issues.. We all grow and there is an absolute joy in this!
Well said Michelle, I agree in full.
Great comment Michelle, taking responsibility for our hurts is key in returning to who we all truly are. All loving beings.
Thank you Bianca, this was deeply beautiful to read.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful love-letter. Through the inspiration of Serge Benhayon my marriage, too, has deepened and we have a new marker for our relationship based on true love.
This is awesome Jonathan , thank you for sharing. I know of many relationships that have deepened because of the inspiration of Serge Benhayon. These relationships are true love stories and a joy to behold.
Jonathon and Bianca, I have one such marriage that has deepened beyond my wildest dreams thanks to Serge Benhayon. The best part, is that our relationship will continue to deepen and evolve and our love for ourselves, each other and everyone else grow as well.
This blog just shows how simple and joyful love can be. It was lovely to read.
Thank you so much for sharing with such intimacy the depth of your love for your husband, and how this has deepened for you both with your committment to healing your hurts. When we have the courage to heal our issues, we are free to express more of who we are and this is a win win situation for both ourselves and all those we come in contact with. Beautifull sharing, thank you Bianca.
Very beautifully said Elizabeth. By healing our hurts past and present our expression becomes more truthful, we become more who we are and our growth has no end.
“I allowed myself to truly feel how your presence is an absolute support for me. How your simply being around, not doing anything but just being there, makes me feel open to being all of me. This feeling is not based on need but an acceptance that true support can occur in relationships”. Thank you Bianca for sharing this beautiful love letter to your husband I feel the tenderness and strength in which you write and am deeply inspired. The appreciation you have for your relationship is a blessing for us all.
Samantha I so agree that Bianca’s tenderness, towards her self first and foremost, is gorgeous.
An inspirational letter for many. Most people feel these things and want to communicate them but never do. It is great that through support from Universal Medicine you have allowed yourself to honour all that you’ve felt and continue to feel.
I feel so blessed to have read this profound blog, thank you Bianca, thank you.
Thank you Bianca. I know of many beautiful, strong and loving relationships through my association with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, which are now being based on responsibility, love and choice, and these are also the stories that need to be told.
This is a beautiful blog Bianca. I particularly liked how you took responsibility to heal your hurts and from there, with the support of Marc, the honesty and love in your relationship blossomed. This is a powerful lesson for all couples.
Agree Rod. It’s very inspiring to hear someone take responsibility for themselves FIRST. So often and so easily the relationship gets blamed. A seemingly far easier course of action. But one that will always avoid the truth. I applaud your courage and commitment.
This is so true in relationships Otto, when finding oneself in the blame factor suddenly everything becomes the relationships fault, when it is both parties involved that allow the quality of relationship to be what it is.
This is the only way to truly heal, to take responsibility of ourselves first, the blame game only berries the hurt deeper in the body.
Agreed Otto and Rod, any time I look at my own hurts and behaviour when any relationship I am in gets rocky, I come out the other end with a deeper love of myself, the other and thus the relationship. Lately I have been feeling tension with my daughter, this is a huge reflection for me that there is something that I need to look at for myself first. If I do this first then the conversation I have with my daughter does not come loaded with my expectations. judgments and ideals and beliefs. She is much more open with me as well.
I’d add to that Rod by saying that this is powerful for every one of us, regardless of whether or not we are in an intimate relationship. Whenever we open to connecting to deepening our relationship with ourselves, this naturally expands to deepening our relationship with all others… Love it!
Totally agree Angela.
Well said Rob , there is something great about a person who knows they are not living all that they are and goes about changing that by taking responsibility , for the way they live. Just beautiful Bianca
Thank you Bianca for allowing us to share the intimate details of your beautiful and evolving relationship with Marc – the way you allowed yourself to become vulnerable and open together is inspirational.
I agree Susan, Bianca’s love for her whole family is felt in every word written to Marc.
Thank you Bianca for sharing with such honesty a very powerful blog.
Thank you Jade. It was very beautiful for me to express the love I truly feel in this blog.
Bianca. What a wonderful expression of love and devotion to your husband and family.
I agree Mike. Gorgeous to read of the love you have opened up to and share with your husband Bianca. An inspiring read indeed.