I have been reflecting on the false claims reported in 2012 by some journalists on Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine (UniMed) being responsible for the breakup of families. I felt to expose how this is an absolute untruth by sharing a letter and conversation that I had with my husband of 11 years. Marc and I have been together since I was 19, I am now 37.
5 March 2013
Dear Marc,
I love you.
I know this is unoriginal, a commonly used phrase bandied around by everyone, but now when I say this you can feel the depth and quality of my love that is expressed in these words, and the wholeness they represent. I can see this confirmation in your beautiful eyes – and the way I smile when I say these words to you.
I have always been able to tell you that I love you, but in the past it came with reservation, holding back. I kept a piece of my heart away from you in case you hurt me. When we fought I could console myself in the knowing that you didn’t hurt all of me. The hardness that came with this protection gave me a false bravado that if things didn’t work out and we parted, I would be fine. I would be strong, I would cope and carry on.
This need to protect played out in our relationship with my being hot and cold. One minute I was all over you, the next I was distant, icy and aloof. You stayed. We had fun, we got along, we focussed on the children, we had moments of wow!, but most of all life became dull. I felt something was missing, and that missing was me!
Over time, I have been getting to know the love that is naturally within me. This re-connection began 10 years ago when I started seeing a psychologist and began exposing my hurts. You supported this, even though you had some reservations about what was so wrong that I needed to go. We talked; I explained my feeling that I had to take responsibility for the hurts I had created in my life so I could be all of me, You understood. You supported me to make the choices I needed to heal me.
Marc, you gave me the space to explore what I truly needed, without placing demands on me. As I introduced esoteric healing modalities, and in 2010 began listening to Serge Benhayon’s Esoteric Medicine presentations via audio, there was more acceptance from you.
You also had moments of resistance, but these passed because there was no denying the different quality within me. I was lovely, stable and calm. There was less frustration and less drama. I slowly began making more self-loving choices and this allowed me to feel and express more of me.
The more I lived the deep knowing of me, the more open and accepting you became. You quietly started making more self-loving choices too. The quality of our relationship deepened. I let you in more. I will be honest, there was no perfection as I was still holding back, but not as much as before.
I continued healing my hurts. I attended UniMed courses too. You, my wonderful husband, continued to support me. With time, I began to accept that I am amazing. I began to know how amazing you are too. The more love I allowed myself to feel in me, the more love I felt in you.
I allowed myself to truly feel how your presence is an absolute support for me. How your simply being around, not doing anything but just being there, makes me feel open to being all of me. This feeling is not based on need but an acceptance that true support can occur in relationships.
When I expressed this to you in words you felt it deeply. Tears welled in your eyes, your heart expanded. There was stillness flowing between us and we truthfully discussed how we felt and how we had been. We made love in that conversation and that night we felt how physical union can confirm the love we both equally are. It was amazing. We both felt it. Our relationship evolved to wholeness.
So, my darling Marc I adore you and love you with all my heart. I thank-you for being the amazing man you naturally are. For being open, gentle, fun, committed to our relationship and for allowing yourself to express how you feel. We now have a new marker for our relationship. A foundation built on openness and love which allows me to fully express me. This deepening happened because of both of us equally. I committed to truly healing my hurts which supported me to let go of protection, express true love and all of me. You committed to being open, allowing and real, which has supported you to unfold your own love. You are truly awesome! Thank you for being all of you, it is an absolute blessing to have you in my life.
Much love,
Bianca
Here is living proof that with commitment to true love (which I re-connected to because of choosing to feel – and be inspired by – the example provided by Serge Benhayon), relationships can deepen and be about absolute love.
By Bianca Barban, Melbourne, Australia
323 Comments
Thank you for sharing this deeply beautiful letter. I know the game of playing hot and cold all too well. The moments where I choose to run ‘hot’ and express the love I feel frustrate me as I cannot convey what I feel, I then run ‘cold’ again stuck in a vicious cycle. How lovely it is to be reminded that I can glow with warmth and express my love in a consistent and open way if I choose to let go of the fear of being hurt.
Your expression of love and appreciation towards yourself and your husband is absolutely divine to read and a confirmation of what unfolds once we connect to living the truth of ourselves that lays within. Thank you for sharing this intimacy with us all.
I agree that the more we can love and appreciate ourselves the more love we can express to others.
This is gorgeous to read Bianca, I can relate to much of what you have written, I have an amazing partner, who is very supportive, he is a gentle, sweet man and reading your article I can feel how i often point out the things that I do not like or agree with to him rather than expressing how much I appreciate and adore him and how amazing it is to have his support and have him my life – your live letter is beautiful Bianca, thank you for the inspiration.
In the journey of embracing our own love, the disharmony comes when we resist this ever-expanding love by holding onto our ideals, beliefs and pictures of the way we think things should be. I feel it as a continual surrender to what is and an allowing of the warmth of this surrender in my body. The urge to withdraw and keep myself safe is strong, but the love within is so vast and ever-present, even when those close to us are not choosing their own love, we have the power to bring them back if we do not abandon our own.
Thank you Bianca for sharing the growth of love and depth in your relationship with your husband.
It is an example of misunderstanding taken to an extreme length to create harm, by printing in the media that the work of Serge Benhayon ‘is responsible for the break-up of families’.
Serge Benhayon’s presentations offers another way to look deeply within ourselves at how we are in life. This choice to be more deeply aware of ourselves enables us to see what is really going on and then to make choices about our lives from this awareness. This will look different for everyone; for some it will expose levels of abuse in their lives that they will no longer tolerate; for others and in your case, it confirms and deepens what is already there as a loving foundation and simply gives you more self-responsibility to deepen this love.
So beautiful to read Bianca, of your unfolding love and commitment with Marc, by unfolding more of who you are within. Men want us to be ourselves, even if they are not saying that or are resistant to feeling it, they do deep down love it. I have been with my husband for 25 years this year, from when we were 15, and our relationship has only grown and deepened from support of Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and amazing esoteric counseling sessions. Lots of games have been exposed for the lovelessness they are, so we can get back to what most matters and bringing that to our family, friends and society.
“The more love I allowed myself to feel in me, the more love I felt in you”. When we let go of everything that is not love then all that we are is love. Knowing and loving ourselves for the love that we are opens us up to loving the love of another.
Bianca this is beautiful and such an awesome piece to read. I have been finding in my own personal relationships of late the difference when I have let go of the idea I am holding hurts and seeing that any hurt I hold is something I have chosen. The more I let go of this idea, and truly see the love that I am, the more I am seeing the love that surrounds me. That those in my life are truly precious, supportive and oh so ready to connect to the love that I am, because it is the love that they are too. I feel the more we embrace our natural quality of love the more our connections deepen and grow. Thank you for sharing your beautiful love letter it has me truly appreciating the love that we all are.
It is incredible to see how relationships can be transformed when true love is made as a choice. In the words ‘true love’ we have an opportunity to explore what this means. In cinema films it is an emotional roller coaster that is all fireworks and soaring music. However, in real life, what if true love is the meeting of two souls, in unison, in equality and in whole completeness with themselves first and then with another. What if true love is our most natural state of being, and it only takes a few simple steps to actually live it everyday? And what if true love is not something that is reserved for only family, but can actually include every single person on the planet? Could this be the tip of the ice berg for what a soul can do on earth?
I revisited this blog, because my circumstances have changed so much since I last read it, having separated in the meantime. To be honest, both of us feel that the separation has been the best thing we have done in years, and our relationship is 1000 x better this way than it has been. What I wanted to share was how much support Serge Benhayon and his family have been, in helping us both through a very difficult time for the whole family, but also in establishing a new very stable platform for the whole family, that is just different to how it was. Love is love, and can be felt in any situation if that is what is connected to deep inside of ourselves.
Thank you Bianca I love re-reading this what a great confirmation that the more we deal with our hurts and deepen the connection in us the more we deepen those precious relationships around us. Since attending the Universal Medicine presentations my relationship with my partner has developed and evolved beyond anything I could have ever imagined.
I appreciate dearly the love that has been expressed to me through the teachings of Universal Medicine.
Bianca I re-read this today and took my time as I did so. I could feel the relationship you have with Marc and how it has developed and deepened. The love you have shared with us all is deeply inspiring.
“The more love I allowed myself to feel in me, the more love I felt in you”.
How very true, we are both the keeper and the kept when we refuse to live the love that we are. Yet when we give ourselves permission to surrender, we dismantle the walls that have come to imprison us. Free from this self-imposed incarceration we can better see that – the love in you is the love in me.
I love your expression here Liane, very wise and beautiful words. Thank-you for your sharing.
Love what you share here Liane ‘the love in you is the love in me’ – and something that we can all choose to live.
Bianca, this is gorgeous and it is what I love most about LOVE – the sheer transparency and willingness to show and share it with all. Love is bigger than the two of us. It is an expression of the All, for all are equally able to express that which is of our essence. Love by its very nature cannot be kept or protected for a special few, for it is what we are made up of and where we come from. Love is the eternal fire of Heaven burning deep within our hearts. Just as fire spreads rapidly, so too does our love when it’s not held back.
Liane, when it is expressed like this it makes no sense that we work very hard to hold our love back. Opening up and letting our love out and another’s love in is how the universe expands as there is always more for us to let out and more to let in.
I have started to let the expression of Love flow through me and I have to say that it is the most joyful feeling imaginable. And to think that this is available to us all and that it is our natural way and yet we are choosing to hold it back and more often than not, not to feel it at all. Which leads me to ask what is it that we’re measuring our success on? If it’s not our ability to express love then what are we using as a gauge?
Can’t help but enjoy the expansion in your comment Liane.
Bianca you have said what i would say to my gorgeous husband.
Publishing something originally intended as purely personal expression between two people is an act of true service in the face of fabricated lies and cyber abuse. You bring your very own truth and evidence to the body of counter-balance that exists to disprove these malicious allegations.
The power of love is seen when it is able to hold steady in the face of all that is not love. This letter serves as testament to this truth.
‘The more love I allowed myself to feel in me, the more love I felt in you’. Thank you Bianca for sharing such a beautiful awareness that we can all learn from and develop in ourselves.
How you describe yourself here and the changes that you have made, is what most people experience after being with the way of the livingness for a while, life changes and becomes more simple.
“I was lovely, stable and calm. There was less frustration and less drama. I slowly began making more self-loving choices and this allowed me to feel and express more of me.”
And everyone benefits, family and friends alike.
Thank you so much for sharing Bianca – this is so deeply gorgeous and a wonderful testament to both you and your husband and also to Serge Benhayon for showing us all the way to be truly loving with ourselves and others.
In reading this today I felt like I was connecting with a source of eternal love that is the all and that we can choose to have with all. It is there, independent of what we do and what we say, yet in claiming it and expressing it, we make the choice to play a part in expanding the all. So perhaps being human is really just about this and not anything complex or difficult I sometimes think it has to be and try to take on.
I am getting it more and more Simon that life s not meant to be complicated but very simple and I love simple.
Yes I so agree Sally and Simon, we so often over complicate life, when in truth it is really very simple. When we stop creating complications and take responsibility for our choices life really begins to flow.
Bianca, I could feel the flow and grace behind what you have expressed here in your blog. It was a joy to read and I can understand how, in the way you have learned to hold and embrace a new level of love within yourself, your relationship with your partner has been transformed. Learning to peel away the layers of protection we take on over the years takes courage, but as your story demonstrates, what is there underneath is powerful and true.
This letter is absolutely gorgeous Bianca. Thank you so much for your sharing, it shone a lot of truth of what happens when we commit to true love without holding back. It was really inspiring to read.
What you have shared here Bianca is the true love that everybody wants. I admire your courage in taking responsibility for your hurts for this has allowed you to expand your love of self, and love of others. This is an incredibly beautiful account of true love in modern times; thank you for sharing it with the world, it is much needed.
Bianca having read your letter to your husband for the first time this morning I was deeply touched/inspired. Knowing that honesty is always the way forward in life. Realising now as I sit here and deeply feel that I still hold a little part of me back from those that I love so dearly around me. long held guards are coming down) The truth of our innermost feelings can be held back but, understanding now that even the unspoken words can be felt by another energetically. So beautiful to read and feel that honesty from deep within in reading your blog today – thank you. I am truly inspired by your sharing.
Our relationship as husband and wife has been totally enriched in every way by knowing Serge Benhayon and the work of Universal Medicine. We had a ‘good’ relationship before attending UniMed workshops and everything looked good, we loved each other, have 3 amazing kids, 2 dogs a nice house but we were lacking a level of intimacy that I know know is possible. Each day our love has the opportunity to grow stronger and feeling this and what we are working on together is a really lovely feeling to wake up to each morning. We are way more in love today than 10 years ago. The gratitude we have for all that Serge Benhayon offers is immense. Our whole family is so much closer and happier than before.
Katie I second what you have expressed here. It is easy to present a picture of a so called happy family living a good life. But thanks to Serge Benhayon I to know now a level of intimacy and connection with my family that I never dreamt was possible.
On re-reading your love letter Bianca I feel my chest expanding. To me this is undeniable proof that the generosity of the bloggers in sharing their experience benefits us all in infinite ways. Thank you Bianca.
I loved reading your beautiful love letter to your husband after opening up and giving this love to yourself. Thank you Bianca.
Thank you Bianca, for I felt through reading your love letter to your husband Marc, that a true love letter is always a love letter to love and therefore to everyone equal!
I always loved to read the acknowledgment in books or at the end of movies, because these are always a kind of love-letters and contain so much healing-energy through expressing love. In my eyes, the world could need much more love-letters.
A great sharing Bianca. We can only give love after we have known it in ourselves.
This blog resonates deeper with my second read – it is truly beautiful and a timely reminder that true relationship starts with ourselves.
Stunning Bianca, deeply deeply inspiring for the world to feel from your love letter what is possible within relationships and the level of love that can be felt by that loving commitment to self and each other.
Deep down we do all know what true love is, our job is to remind each other.
It was a blessing for you to offer us a glimpse into your relationship and share yourself so intimately with us all. This is a gorgeous confirmation of how beautifully healing it can be to working on your hurts and expand the love you are, and build an amazing foundation from which to love so deeply from.
So true Amanda as I drop those layers of protection and investments in my hurts as a form of identification there is a natural playfulness and joy there to be shared with others.
Enough cannot be written about healing our hurts and bringing ourselves out from under the layers of protection and into true relationships with ourselves and partners. This is beautiful Bianca. So honest and true and lays a solid foundation for a truly joyful relationship. When we heal our hurts we make way for fun and joy.
Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I was able to look at my deep hurts and what was holding me back in my true expression and living the life of true love. Over the last 5 years my life has completely changed, where there is deep love, resect and understanding, in my relationships with my husband, family and friends. My marriage just blossoms deeper each day with true loving expressions, as we walk together. Together our journey is magical as we allow each other to be open, honest and express from the heart, for ever evolving.
Thank you for sharing your experience Amita. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine offer true support in making relationships about love and evolution.
I feel that what is being shared here to start with is just how much we all hold back or out on our partners just in case we get hurt. And it is quite something to look at our hurts and heal them, because once they are healed there is a whole level of understanding towards others, knowing that they come from a hurt too. And as Bianca has shared the level of love in her relationship has grown to a deeper level. This was possible because Bianca had a commitment to look at what was truly going on in her life and deal with it. It’s very easy to blame others if you are not prepared to take responsibility it’s the oldest trick in the book of life.
I agree Mary, it is easy to blame others if we are not prepared to take responsibility. It all begins with honesty and taking the time to reflect on the reasons why we make the choices we do.
Great observation Mary, if we are protecting and holding some of ourselves back for fear of getting hurt… then we hold back the potential of everything the relationship can be. love stays small, rather than expanding to everything it can be.
Bianca, such a beautiful letter, it is a privilege to be able to share it . You took responsibility for how you felt in the relationship, then choosing to change the way you were relating to each other, with honesty and Love.
I feel the great love that is there in allowing, accepting and appreciating ourselves and our partner, friend, colleague and family member. The beauty of openly and honestly expressing how we feel and expanding our communication. This is truly inspirational. Thank you Bianca.
Bianca, this is the most beautiful love letter I have ever read. The first one I have ever read with no emotion.
Great point Heidi. Many would classify love as an emotion but reading the words of this stunning letter is proof enough that there is not a speck of emotion in love.