Until recently, I had previously only ever felt a man’s true tenderness once in my life; a tenderness where there is no holding back, no protection or guard, just pure love and adoration, for not only themselves but also another.
To experience a man’s true tenderness is nothing short of amazing and exquisite – to feel the absolute joy in them, the expression of and being of gentleness, no holding back from all that they are.
There is a strength within this tenderness, without any hardness.
Observing such a different way of being in the men in and around my life, knowing and feeling there was a tenderness within, but that it was not being lived or expressed, I felt there was a fear that if their tenderness was let out for anyone to see, they would be seen as weak.
Why do we as a society support and allow men to be all that they are not when they are truly beauty-full?
Growing up, we are led to believe that this is just how things are; a given, an ideal so to speak, that we do not question. It becomes a part of us – a consciousness you could say – that boys and girls, men and women are not just separated by gender but also by clothes, colours, hairstyles, career choices, etc.
Nowhere do we allow or support a man to grow up being able to express what he is feeling.
Why should women be the only ones allowed to express, to be gentle and to nurture, while men are supposed to be hard, tough, the one who is always the rock? Is there something here that maybe we have taken for granted?
What if there is more to men than what we allow them to be?
Could it be possible to allow ourselves to feel that men are equally as tender as women, and that perhaps the life they are living is not truly the way they could be living?
Is it possible that underneath that hard, tough exterior is an amazing quality, a feeling of tenderness that is so special it needs to be nurtured, encouraged and supported by us as women so that quality can be expressed?
If you have ever felt the true tenderness of a man, this is a question that does not even need to be asked.
We all deserve to live nothing less than the tenderness that we are, men included.
To suppress and ignore this tenderness is robbing society of a true beauty, unlike any other.
I have experienced a man’s true tenderness in conversation, in passing and simply in their presence. It is truly inspirational and amazing.
To all the men in the world; you shine equally as do we all, let your tenderness be seen and felt… for you are all truly magnificent.
That men now have the opportunity to feel and be this true tenderness has been made possible, and is supported by, the work and livingness of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon. I thank you Serge for being the tender and glorious man that you are and that you live and reflect for all to see, feel and be inspired by. For it is this livingness that allows others to also connect to the tenderness they are and bless us all, equally so.
By Nicole Serafin, Australia
265 Comments
Awesome blog Nicole – it is super important to address this, allowing men to be truly tender and what this would mean for society, and you have started the conversation beautifully
Nicole it was really enjoyable to read your blog. Just reading or saying the word tenderness of people helps my whole body to relax and let go. Looking back I can see no-one said don’t be tender with words but instead there were many times where I was asked to do things or be a certain way that was not tender and so it was only a matter of time before being tender didn’t fit into the person I thought I needed to be. It’s great to start to re-connect to tenderness.
It is such a joy hearing you as a man see the pressure that has been put on you to toughen up, decide to not play ball with it and to claim back your tenderness. It is both a joy because of the freedom that I can feel this brings men, and also because of the pure glorious gift men offer all of us by being the men they truly are.
Nicole, beautifully expressed, and a great question you ask ‘Why do we as a society support and allow men to be all that they are not when they are truly beauty-full?’ ; we put huge pressure on men to be tough, and we encourage them to grow up not expressing their feelings and yet later we want them to say how they feel, we demand it – but we’ve not allowed them that space. Yet we crave the natural tenderness that men innately are – we know it and it’s time we actively supported and confirmed it. It’s an exquisite experience to feel that tenderness and it’s beautiful in particular to watch men expressing it with each other. The world is fuller, more true when we all express from who we truly are – tender and loving beings; time to honour us all in that.
This is so true Nicole, “Why should women be the only ones allowed to express, to be gentle and to nurture, while men are supposed to be hard, tough, the one who is always the rock?” Knowing just how tender men naturally are and how beautifully sensitive baby boys and toddlers are it doesn’t make sense that we curb and cut their expression from the word go! Boys are not given a chance to remain sensitive and tender as they are labeled a “wuss” by their peer group, so to be accepted the majority conform and those that don’t feel that there is something wrong with them. You are right Monica when you say, “We crave the natural tenderness that men innately are – we know it and it’s time we actively support and confirm it.”
Love what you have both expressed here Monica & Rachel…recently I was watching two men hug each other, but what was so beautiful to witness in their expression was how tender they were with each other. You often see men give hugs of toughness that are quick and patting on the back style. But to feel two men embrace each other gently without any sexual confusion, but just openly expressing their tenderness was so healing and so refreshing – more of this in the world please.
I have observed that in a mixed class of 6 year olds that many of the boys are as, and sometimes more, tender, gentle and sensitive than the girls. So, learning to be ‘tough’ and ‘manly’ is something they subscribe to in order to fit in with, or for recognition from their role models. When a man allows himself to show his tenderness he is offering children a precious gift.
Nicole. Men can be very tender, and show their gentleness. But some are very reticent to show that side of themselves.
I have met many men who think it is not manly to show their true nature. When one asks why, invariably they cannot answer, that question. I have said to them, if you show your wife, girlfriend your real side, just watch your relationship blossom so much more.
Universal Medicine has really help me to be more tender, and loving with my wife and myself.
Tenderness, in men and women, is something missing in much of the world recently. True tenderness is something we all yearn for but often only share our tenderness with a very young baby. By choosing to be more tender with myself I can feel the tenderness in others.
Thank you Nicole for writing about something we so rarely talk about in society, men connecting to their tenderness and gentleness. It is naturally there in young boys but can so often be crushed, or pushed aside with the demands that are put on them as they grow up. It is such a joy to be in the company of men who are not afraid to show their gentleness and it is something I am learning to appreciate more each day.
“We all deserve to live nothing less than the tenderness that we are, men included.” This is an equality that no one seems to be fighting for but which I see as one of the most fundamental in bring real change to the world. When we all express with the natural tenderness our body knew as a baby and child the quality of our relationships – and therefore the quality of our households, societies and beyond, would be very different and feel so much more loving.
Thank you for writing this piece. As I was reading it reminded me of when I was growing up, that men were seen as being strong and protective for women but now I can feel how imposing that is – wanting them to be something, instead of appreciating the gentle and tender qualities they naturally bring.
I feel blessed to have experienced how gentle and tender a man can be and it definitely is not gender based or weak.
Most definitely agree with you Julie, it is divine.
Tenderness in a man is very powerful. There is nothing soft or weak in a man when he speaks or acts with tenderness.
Especially when a man is tender for the first time in a long time, he is very vulnerable and hence courageous.
Thanks Nicole, a truly wonderful article. Tenderness and gentleness is far more our natural state of being, it feels a bit odd at first but the more we allow it the more natural it becomes. The more we can live it, the more it will inspire other men to be it and who know where that might lead. To a world of less pain and violence?
It’s funny how these things do feel a bit odd at first, we have disconnected to that natural essence we all share. But as you share once you reawaken the embers the fire will soon light up and it will become your every way.
I agree Kevin. The more we live with tenderness the more it will inspire others. Every man, woman and child in the world today deserves to find their natural tenderness to share with others. Then there would be less pain and violence in the the world.
Kevin, yes it is indeed a little weird that the innate thing that men are, loving and truly tender is not encourged in the world, and often feels strange at first. And yet I love feeling it, and seeing men being their tenderness, and I’d like to see more of it, and this blog is a great call for us all to stop and appreciate this qulity in men everyone. As you say it will change the world.
To all the men in the world – you shine equally as do we all, let your tenderness be seen and felt… for you are all truly magnificent.
This is such a confirmation for all the men of the world. It’s a joy to read, and I know every time a man is honoured and confirmed in what he is feeling, he brings more of that to himself and everyone around him.
Beautifully said Jenny
I love it that lots of men now know that they have more opportunity to show their gentleness and tenderness and not hold back because of the stereotyped images. It takes courage and strength to show another way but now they have started to be role models for others, hopefully it will snowball. Thank you Nicole for bringing the subject out into the open.
Such beautiful comments. Thank you everyone. It is so true how men are raised to be strong and tough, when they are not truly that at all when in their true essence. I observe young boys and watch how they are encouraged to not cry, suck it up basically, it is quite sad how as a society we have allowed this separation and behaviour to continue. We now have such amazing role models, as seen and felt in these comments, who can lead the way and reflect to all men, young and old, that we are naturally tender, gentle and loving. How blessed are we all to have these men in our lives and as role models for our children and partners.
Yes we are blessed to have men in our lives who are tender and loving, they feel gorgeous.
Many women these days are also raised to be ‘strong and tough’, and encouraged not to cry, I know this was my reality. I have been re-learning to stay being vulnerable, tender and loving, this feels like coming back to living.
One of the crazy things about this too Nicole is that when young boys are taught to ‘harden up’ it is done to protect them from the outer very harsh world, knowing that young boys are naturally super sensitive and tender. Not realising that this actually creates more harm for them and more harm for everyone, because they are not getting to know, develop and enjoy how magnificent is for everyone all round when we live exactly who we are, without question.
Thank you Nicole – I agree with the sentence here, “We all deserve to live nothing less than the tenderness that we are, men included.”
Definately Mike, tenderness is not gender specific it is part of our natural expression.
Here, here, Nicole.
Thank you Nicole for your deep appreciation of the truth of men. It is a blessing for me this morning to read your words and for that part of me to be heard, waved at, celebrated and welcomed to the party.
That’s what is so amazing, every time a man is truly heard and felt it confirms him further. Who doesn’t want to carry on a path where they feel amazing with each step? To know that for yourself and for others to feel and acknowledge it too is a blessing for us all.
A party of truly gentle-men is my kind of party…I have found recently that I can “feel” gentle and it is glorious, all throughout my bones. But often the sticking point is allowing that gentleness to take a strong hold, as when it does it exposes me as vulnerable, as in I actually feel. It can be so instant, and tangible that it can sometimes make my skin crawl…I have shied away from this in the past in case I got hurt or seen…. But I have been asking myself why come to the party without all of me? The constant love, support and inspiration I have felt from attending Universal Medicine presentations, has encouraged me to keep bringing more of me to everything.
Thank you, Phil, for sharing your tenderness and vulnerability with us. It is beautiful that you have remained connected to that part of yourself, even if it is challenging at times to express it in the world. Please keep bringing those qualities out for us all to be blessed by.
Yes it’s beautiful when men (or women) realise that they can be tender and strong and powerful all at the same time…it doesn’t have to be an either/or like we have been led to believe.
Tenderness IS power expressed.
Thank you Nicole, I have felt this tenderness in men and it is truly beautiful. My partner is very tender and it is so lovely and feels so natural and ‘normal’ when he and my little boy cuddle and play in their natural gentleness and tenderness.
Thank you, Nicole, I love the comment ‘there is strength in this tenderness without any hardness.’ I have always felt this to be true in the past, with men I have been close to intimately, my husband and 3 sons. But I now know it’s innate in all men, when they let down the guard they have put up to protect themselves. I have since felt the tenderness of lots of men I do not have a physical relationship with; sometimes it can be a look from a stranger on a bus or a hug from a friend, and I can feel their exquisite tenderness as a strength and their truth.
So true Jo. We have a son and he is super gentle, tender and loving, and yes, blonde hair big blue eyes and loves to dress in our daughters bright coloured clothes and shoes, He also loves cars and trucks.
Being a boy differs in some ways but his essence is that of the same as that which woman also has.
Beaitiful
Nicole, My baby brother had gorgeous gold hair which my parents didn’t cut for the first 3 years of his life. People would treat him so tenderly and say sweetly “oh what a precious little girl”…until we corrected them and then they would often react by doing something very “tough” toward him like pretending to punch him and saying “oh, a tough little guy!” This and the fact that “boy” clothes have to be drab, muddy or dark…when, in my experience, when offered a choice the boy would choose the rich beautiful colors as often as any girl (until they learn what you want them to want!) is very telling of our entrenched mindset which is oppressive to the true nature of our boys and men.
Wow that really shows the extreme attitudes we have towards young girls and boys, and I agree that roughness is the total opposite of a young boys sweet tender nature.
Thank you Nicole – for blessing me and every man with your words. As you said: “We all deserve to live nothing less than the tenderness that we are”. Even though soo much in the world tells us otherwise, when we are little boys, we cannot hide our tenderness, then we forcibly hide it, to fit in and be accepted. I too have been inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine to return back to living a more natural tender way with myself and others, now not being afraid to show it, or seeing it as a weakness, rather as a strength.
Beautiful James as are you. I have observed you blossom into the amazing tender, gentle caring man that you are today, a true reflection and inspiration for all.
Beautifully expressed, and so true. Thank you
So sweet and purposefully put, thank you, Nicole. The more I allow myself to accept the tenderness of men the more they shine. The more they shine the more we are all served and our hardness melts away.
So true Matilda. We have workmen building at our home and to observe them soften since starting here is absolutely beautiful. Simply by allowing them to be, feel met their true tenderness blossoms.
Absolutely so true, well said, Jenny.
As you say Nicole there is nothing as beautiful as a man expressing from his tenderness. It is a shame that we have diluted this expression over the growing years and that we hold men and women in different spheres of expression. We are all equally precious and full of the love and tenderness that we all deserve, and again as you say, it is great that we have role models like Serge Benhayon, Michael Benhayon and Curtis Benhayon working tirelessly to show us all that it is more than ok to express from these heartfelt places.
Well said Jenny. A man expressing from his tenderness is beautiful. I also feel that when a man expresses his tenderness this inspires women, of all ages, to choose to feel their own tenderness. Serge Benhayon, Michael Benhayon and Curtis Benhayon are amazing role models of men expressing their tenderness and when I am with them I can feel my own tenderness.
The comments listed here are truly beautiful and inspiring. We have all felt a man’s true tenderness at some time in our lives, and it is this inner beauty that inspires us to nurture men in a way that is truly supportive and honouring of them in the true tenderness they are.
Beautifully said Nicole. Allowing and expressing tenderness has been a beautiful learning and unfolding for me. I had always resisted it and now being open to it I feel the loving support this offers on both sides.
True Anna, it is truly exquisite.
Nicole I agree, there is nothing more beautiful then a man expressing his true depth of tenderness and equal to the preciousness of a woman – together – exquisite!
A beautiful sharing Nicole. In tenderness there is great strength and so beautiful to feel in another.
Beautifully expressed Nicole.
True Toni, when men express their tenderness it is truly beautiful.
I agree Nicole. What I am finding is just how deep my protection is from the past when I was tender and people told me in many different ways to harden up.
I have noticed in society and many cultures that men are assumed to be ‘tougher’ than women.
Thank you Nicole. Your article is very supportive and encouraging for men to not be afraid to be tender. For that is why we are not tender. It is a fear of being seen to be weak and it is everywhere, the pressure on boys and men to act tough even though that is not who they are, they are gentle and loving.
So true. A man sharing his tenderness and love is beautiful.
So true Stephen there is such a belief that is instilled in boys from a young age to be tough and strong that they loose their natural tenderness and gentleness. To me there is nothing more refreshing and enjoyable to be in the company of men that honour this and are not afraid to show it.
Being tender for a man is a very big deal. First of all to accept the very idea of being tender is not so easy for me. I can express it but I am not sure what would happen if somebody would say to me “Oh, you are so tender today”, whether I would feel pleased, embarrassed or able to simply acknowledge the fact.
If someone would say that I would probably blush a bit but it would nonetheless be a great thing.
Love your honest & beautiful sharing. Tenderness is soo beautiful to feel from another, esp. men – there’s real strength in it, real softness in a grand manner. Society seems to portray boys & men to the opposite – hard & tough from a very young age. As a baby we are naturally tender & open, & in return we receive that. What if we continued loving like that & allowing young boys (& girls) to keep expressing from that truly loving place to be seen (& not hide!). There is another way of being & that way is so beautiful.
Reading your comment, Pinky, brings up the picture in me of the momentarily requirement to a beauty-ideal for men to be extremely muscular. But most men do not build up muscles from the work they do. So men – from a very young age on, hardened by that demand, build with extreme hardness against themselves, hard muscles that carry and therefore communicate hardness. It seems to be a great defend on the origin abusive demand on them to hide their tenderness. A visible and palpable energy, that brings women in turn to maybe a superficial adoration of a muscular men, but I am sure on a deeper level just to another protection manner, because they feel the hardness and abuse in it, wanting to avoid to be abused. So they shut down on a subtle level what again feeds the circle of staying in hardness for both, women and men. So great to break this circle and socially so deeply ingrained behaviour through becoming as tender, as we are, men and women.
Thank you Nicole. It touched me deeply what you wrote.
The same for me. Thank you, Nicole.
Thank you Nicole.
A great sharing Nicole on the tenderness of men, I have realised recently that we need to ask – is anything less than tenderness abuse (i.e. something that is less than loving of ourselves and/or another)? Men and women have lived without tenderness for so long we have accepted it as normal, while a whole world of tenderness is within us and available to share with others.
Thanks Ariana. That is a great one to consider. Is anything less than tenderness abuse? Just as is anything less than love abuse. It is awesome that more and more men are embracing their tenderness and are also expressing it in public and amongst other men. Yes the tide started with Serge Benhayon, Michael Benhayon and Curtis Benhayon, and now many many other men have been embracing their tenderness. It is glorious.
So true Golnaz, for me “the tide started with Serge Benhayon, Michael Benhayon and Curtis Benhayon.” They as well as many other men are such an amazing inspiration and support for me and many other men with showing that there is another way to that which society has, and still does, present. Personally I have found a huge liberation by connecting to my innate tenderness and fragility. I now no longer feel the need to protect and defend myself as I did and all my relationships, from shop keepers to close friends, are more open and meaningful. It is a work in progress but I already feel stronger in myself, less tense and more relaxed.
I agree Golnaz, like most of my peers tenderness was only something talked about if we were cooking steak, but now, with Serge Benhayon, Michael Benhayon and Curtis Benhayon being true examples of what tenderness in men can really be, I can see and feel the tenderness in me and also in other men I meet.
Wow Ariana, beautifully said. A whole blog in two sentences and worth to ponder deeply on: “- is anything less than tenderness abuse?” and how this means and affects everything in my life, my relationship to myself and others. From now on this will be a new level of requirement to me. Anything less than tenderness is abuse. And my willingness to feel all “the lesses”, I have allowed through my life and therefore stored in my body to let hardness go, to come to true tenderness. Thank you Ariana.
Great question Ariana, ‘is anything less than tenderness abuse’ and as I feel this I see how much we’ve all settled for a lesser way of being men and women. I love what Nicole offers here that the preciousness of that tenderness in men is exquisite and we all are blessed by it and having felt it I now know this – your question brings it into sharper focus as I consider how anything which does not support that tenderness in all of us is an abuse and to celebrate the tenderness we feel in others (both men and women) we also need to live in a way that enables more of us to be that in all we are.
Another bottler Nicole Serafin! Your sensitive reflections are a true service to us all and call us to feel more deeply into the extraordinary of the ordinary everyday. This post is no exception. Thank you.
I agree, a man in his tenderness is very power-full and it is all our responsibility to nurture and encourage this way of being in our men. Everywhere we look there are the images and ideals of who men are supposed to be, being pushed on our young boys and men. We all lose under this current way of viewing how men/boys should be. When a man, boy or teen are allowed to be their natural and tender selves they offer so much strength, support and inspiration to their families and all those around them, it’s very beautiful to watch and be a part of.
I so agree with you both, I had the pleasure of sitting next to a man like you have described the other day and what a beautiful man he was. He exudes gentleness, he has no sides, he knows himself and is easy with the power that can be felt in him. I had a feeling of being safe sitting near him. Gosh won’t the world be beautiful when all men allow themselves to live the natural glory that they are.
That’s lovely Mary, what an honour to be sitting next to a man like that and great that you recognised these qualities in him, as of course, these will be in you too, feeling safe together….
It almost feels to me that the men in this world are waiting for permission from women to allow them to be their true selves and come out from behind their hard exterior and breath and sigh of relief. And what a glorious world it WILL be when men and women are both living as their true selves. It is time that we, as women, connect and live from our essence which is tender, gentle and graceful, so we can offer that same reflection to all those around us, including men, allowing them to feel those same innate qualities.
Beautiful blog Nicole and great discussion ladies, to know and feel the tenderness in men and to foster a world where that is the norm, what a way. I love what you share Mary, it made me smile and appreciate how lovely it is to feel that open, tender quality in men, it’s just delicious.
I agree Mary, Men and Women are equally as tender. Hearing your experience I can feel how many men naturally hold this tenderness but are not aware how normal it is and how this is in fact them so there is a slight uncertainty to whether they can express in this way and be accepted. Men have such an enormous amount of natural playfulness to bring to this world with their tenderness and it really is exquisite to witness.
I agree Mary, living as men AND women connected, and living from our innate tenderness would be like coming home, safe in the knowledge that we were once again living in our wholeness, as One. Now wouldn’t that be beautiful.
I totally agree with what you have expressed Toni. Not only are the men, and young boys missing out on sharing their truly beautiful tenderness but we as a community are too. Its such a wonderful thing to see a man or young boy share their innate tenderness and strength without feeling of hesitation or judgement. Simply magical.
Yes I agree Toni – for me the main thing is not to use the images and ideals of who men are supposed to be!!!! We as mothers are asked to do so because it is us who can start doing so immediately.
Yes Toni I have felt this tenderness working with young adolescent boys and the support they provide their peers is phenomenal when they are allowed to just be. There is not an air of comparison or the need to take the lead BUT a humbleness that shows everyone the quality in which others can engage in.
Great point here Toni about responsibility. To me, when we are being who we naturally are – which absolutely includes honouring being tender and fragile (both men and women), – this is true responsibility, and by being responsible for ourselves in this way, we reflect to others that they too have the opportunity to make the choice to be who they naturally are.