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Education, Social Issues 821 Comments on A Renewed Commitment to Me & Working as a Primary School Teacher

A Renewed Commitment to Me & Working as a Primary School Teacher

By Rachel Murtagh · On December 7, 2015 ·Photography by Gyl Rae

Teacher wellbeing and self-care are topics that need to seriously be looked at, discussed and acted upon in the profession. Today teachers are under a lot of pressure; they feel stress and overwhelm and with this there is a feeling of giving up or lack of true commitment to teaching.

Many good teachers who have a great passion and understanding for children end up leaving the system because the system structure breaks them in a way that they no longer feel the same commitment to when they first started teaching.

In the past I found full time primary school teaching overwhelming. I lived exhausted, stressed, devitalised, ill and with a feeling of being unable to cope. I resented any ‘extra’ work that I was asked to do and struggled through the terms only to seek relief and respite in the holidays. I blamed the system, sometimes the head teachers, definitely the government… and even at times the difficult kids and parents! All the teachers found it tough, but that’s teaching, right? I wanted to stop the world turning just so I could catch a breather.

It was like a constant bombardment from the outside and a withering away on the inside. I had lost my commitment to work and it was a challenge getting up in the morning.

After ten years working like this, the turnaround came when I realised that if I continued to live like this my body would simply pack up. I still loved being with the children but I felt like a dried up rag with nothing left of myself to offer. I was fatigued; I knew that if I didn’t stop I could run the risk of becoming ill. I decided to get part time teaching work, which helped to create a gap with the intensity, and look for support.

I began to comprehend the problem wasn’t with teaching but within myself. I wanted to blame everyone for how I was feeling without taking responsibility for my choices and how I was living.

I began to meditate to reconnect to my innermost and from this I started to learn how to deal with the constant noise and chatter in my head. With the support of the Gentle Breath Meditation l also found how to take steps to nurture myself through sleep, eating and gentle exercise rhythms in a more dedicated and deliberate way than I had ever done before.

I had always believed that I was exhausted from the sheer volume of work that needed to be done, but I came to realise that I could handle the amount of hours I was working in a day and that my exhaustion was stemming from an inner battle of anxiety, and from the feeling that I was not enough.

There was an endless need to keep up with my colleagues and to prove my worthiness by doing a good job. I also was emotionally involved with everyone around me, wanting to help them or make them feel better, which added to the constant daily drain.

When I let go of the need to prove myself, or get approval or recognition from others and the need to get involved in other people’s problems, I discovered myself – the strength, love and beauty I have within. It is something that can be lived and I feel is inherent in all of us, to which we can all connect. This was a period in my life of complete metamorphosis and a huge change around – and yet it was so very simple, as I was just returning to a commitment to, and care of, myself. The constant bombardment of life was still there but on the inside there was no withering, just a quiet, strong knowing of myself.

I learned that I wasn’t broken and was already whole. I just needed to re-connect to it.

This inner connection that started from the Gentle Breath Meditation has enabled me to face all the issues I originally wanted to run away from. I have just completed my third year back as a full time primary school teacher and I have loved it! I now feel committed to my job and working full time has actually made me feel more solid, steady and strong in my body: so much so that I have taken a position as Senior Teacher in a local school, which years ago I would have not touched for anything. I feel prepared and ready to deal with the challenges that it will bring.

Working full time to me has been like I am saying YES to the world and honouring that I can bring something to it wholeheartedly – in preference to working part-time, which for me would have been saying NO to the world, I can only handle so much before I feel crushed. It’s the claiming of myself that brings the strength.

The job continues to have the same demands as before, but I have changed within it. I am much more joyful and playful.

I am still learning day to day what it means to self-nurture and really honour myself in a way that I didn’t allow before, such as:

  • Being aware of the food I eat and how it makes me feel. I eat light to keep light
  • Preparing myself for sleep by winding down and going to bed early
  • Allowing myself time to prepare for each day
  • Exercising lightly
  • Observing my reactions in the day and dealing with issues
  • Being more aware of the quality I am in during the day.

I stopped putting everyone else before me, which used to be exhausting. Now I have much more energy for others when needed!

I am so glad that I took the commitment back into full time work as it makes me feel more committed to life and more solid in my body. It’s like the difference between being a substitute on the bench as opposed to being in the team and on the pitch. I am not on the sidelines of life any more.

I now know and value what I can offer the children in my care and I have a lived understanding of teacher wellbeing and self-care. It’s not always perfect of course, and I slip up many times, but there is a strength and grace inside which I can keep coming back to. I truly feel blessed by what I have found and that is me and my commitment to myself, which has resulted in a commitment to work. It’s a pleasure to be taking this me into work!

I have a deep and rich appreciation for the teachings and support of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, who have inspired me to make long lasting life changes that I know will stand strong well into the future.

By Rachel Murtagh, B.Ed (Hons)

Further Reading:
Work is Medicine
A True Commitment to Work, Getting a Job… and Life
Teacher shows how Simple ‘common sense’ Tools can support Staff and Students

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Rachel Murtagh

I live in Frome, am a people lover first and foremost and nothing lights my fire more than making connections with others… a warm open exchange with the clerk at the post office makes my day. I feel joy when looking at the abundance of spring's pink cherry blossom and autumn's fiery leaves. I love seeing the playful expression of dogs frolicking on a walk and the expression of their waggy tails, especially when their whole body wags with it.

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821 Comments

  • Mary Adler says: September 4, 2020 at 1:59 pm

    “there is a strength and grace inside which I can keep coming back to” A beautiful awareness to share with the children at school.

    Reply
  • Mary says: January 24, 2020 at 4:55 pm

    Rachel this is another great topic of conversation because how many of us feel stressed and in overwhelm whether that is at work or with family as many people struggle with 2 jobs just to keep food on the table and a roof over their heads. If we were to stop for a moment we would realise we as a collective have made this world for ourselves, so why have we as a collective allowed this to happen? Why is everyone so stressed, anxious, not eating or drinking to support their body; but eating to numb or to comfort. What are we not willing or wanting to see, know or to understand.

    Reply
  • Greg Barnes says: April 30, 2019 at 6:17 am

    Breath taking Rachel, or should I say breath-re-turning as life definitely takes on a True aspect when we are understanding of what our bodies are doing especially when it comes to how we breathe.

    Reply
  • Lorraine Wellman says: January 6, 2019 at 6:09 am

    Attending courses and teachings by Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon supports us to live in a more loving way, ‘When I let go of the need to prove myself, or get approval or recognition from others and the need to get involved in other people’s problems, I discovered myself – the strength, love and beauty I have within.’

    Reply
  • Helen Elliott says: December 19, 2018 at 6:10 pm

    Your commitment to self care is inspiring and a much needed reflection in schools not just for your colleagues but also for the children who will become the next generation of teachers.

    Reply
    • Rachel Murtagh says: December 20, 2018 at 8:20 am

      The subject of self-care and self-nurture is a sorely needed one and should be on the statutory school curriculum! However, the key is not just simply applying the ‘doing’ part of the self-care, but paying attention to the quality the ‘doing is done in’.

      Reply
  • Lorraine says: November 26, 2018 at 4:04 pm

    What a great realisation, this is so common in all areas of life, and so highlights the importance of accepting responsibility for our part in the situation, ‘I began to comprehend the problem wasn’t with teaching but within myself. I wanted to blame everyone for how I was feeling without taking responsibility for my choices and how I was living.’

    Reply
  • Mary Adler says: November 12, 2018 at 11:16 pm

    As teachers we have so much to learn.

    Reply
    • Lorraine says: January 6, 2019 at 6:04 am

      Life is a continual learning.

      Reply
  • Julie says: October 23, 2018 at 2:42 pm

    I volunteer at a primary school, and the teachers are lovely, dedicated to their job and committed to teaching the children the recommended curriculum but when the half term approaches you can see and feel the relief of having a break. Having been in a classroom with over 30 children now for over a year, I understand more what the teachers are expected to do and why they feel relieved when they get a break.

    Reply
  • Rik Connors says: October 13, 2018 at 5:59 pm

    I like and appreciate the idea Rachel of committing to yourself in full at work and how that looks is personal to you — so, we all know what to do next.

    Reply
  • Anonymous says: September 16, 2018 at 5:33 am

    The same is true across the public and private sectors: that wellbeing is talked about as a remedy to counter the enormous stress and strain that people put on themselves to get as much done as possible in as little time as possible, with often less and less resources to do it. Rather than seeking solutions like ‘wellness’ and ‘work life balance’, we need to start a global conversation about why we’re choosing a lack of connection that leads us to work in such unsustainable and unhealthy ways, thinking that it’s normal and fine, when actually we’re harming ourselves and our relationships with overwork, stress and overwhelm. It’s not about working less, but about completely reviewing and re-evaluating our relationship with work: making it about connection with ourselves and others, and learning to work in a way that honours the body. Not working for self, but doing the work that is there to be done, whole-heartedly and with every cell of our being – rejuvenating ourselves in the process.

    Reply
  • Elizabeth McCann says: September 7, 2018 at 3:28 pm

    Rachel, through you re-connecting with your inner teacher and heeding its wisdom you were afforded a strong foundation from which to maintain your inner strength and knowing as a teacher within our very challenging education system. You are a true role model for all who come in contact with you within your profession.

    Reply
  • Caroline Francis says: June 19, 2018 at 1:27 pm

    When we reach a place with honesty where we recognise that we are blaming everything around us as in this case, the system, government, parents, headteacher etc we begin the journey inwardly and we find ourselves reacting less. It is through developing the relationship with self that I am committing more and more to life and to what is being asked.

    Reply
    • Rachel Murtagh says: August 1, 2018 at 4:02 pm

      The ouch also comes when we realise that we have contributed to all that we are hurt by, in terms of the system, government, our relationships, our problems and can no longer blame others for our woes. This is what developing a relationship with ourselves brings, but with it comes a greater responsibility which is well worth the discomfort and pain for seeing the truth.

      Reply
  • Jill Steiner says: June 19, 2018 at 3:52 am

    We can have the constant struggle to be there for everybody else, when in fact what we need is a commitment to self love and self care first, then we can bring our commitment to our work and what that requires.

    Reply
    • Lorraine says: November 26, 2018 at 4:09 pm

      Yes, to build a strong foundation of care, love and honouring of ourselves first is imperative, only then can we share this with others.

      Reply
  • Bryony says: June 3, 2018 at 3:35 pm

    An inspiring turnaround that shows how powerful it is to really commit to loving ourselves. Even bringing our awareness to one area, e.g. our sleep, or gently exercising, can make a big difference. To have gone from feeling withered on the inside and consumed with anxiety and needing to please others, and to fit in, to simply being you, and feeling a steadiness, and trust within you, is quite an amazing shift to be deeply appreciated.

    Reply
    • Rachel Murtagh says: June 5, 2018 at 5:42 pm

      This shift is amazing and something I would never have felt was possible ten or thirteen years ago. The Way of The Livingness really is the bedrock of living life with greater steadiness, solidness and grace. I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend the simple tools of self-care that it presents to change life around.

      Reply
      • Bryony says: August 25, 2018 at 11:32 pm

        That is the beauty of your story – its simplicity. No magic tricks, no potions, no expensive courses or books or special diet to follow.. simple steps of self-care that when applied, can quite quickly turn our health around. It’s interesting that when things get busy or intense, taking basic care of ourselves can be something we sacrifice, because we ‘need to’ do xyz. When we’re feeling run-down and exhausted it’s an opportunity to look at what we are valuing more than our own health, well being and vitality. And that we are capable of enormous volumes of work – as long as we don’t leave our bodies behind in. Thanks for sharing your story Rachel.

        Reply
  • Monica Gillooly says: May 15, 2018 at 6:17 am

    This so clearly shows how taking care of ourselves can make a huge difference in how we are in the world, knowing that each of us matter and that our commitment to us and life changes things for all of us.

    Reply
  • Lucy Dahill says: April 9, 2018 at 5:35 am

    Isn’t it extraordinary how much we de-value our skills and run around like headless chickens trying to please everyone justifying our skills and our existence only to find ourselves exhausted and no ‘progress’ having been made!

    Reply
  • Viktoria says: April 7, 2018 at 5:52 am

    Rachel, you sweet lady – how lucky are these children to have you in their life, during some of the most crucial years of development.

    Reply
  • chris james says: March 16, 2018 at 12:17 am

    If we look into the statistics of stress in teachers in the UK, indeed in the world, we can see that this is an essential awareness that is so relevant in the education of the teachers themselves. Self care should be 101 in teacher training, and indeed it will have to be if we are to maintain our education system at all. Why just recently every teacher at a primary school resigned with the headmaster of the 12 schools staff saying that they could no longer teach such a awful syllabus.

    Reply
    • Rachel Murtagh says: March 16, 2018 at 9:08 pm

      The statistics of teachers leaving the profession in droves, in the UK, is staggering. Analysis of official figures shows 27,500 teachers who trained just between 2011 and 2015 had already left job by last year. A high percentage of newly qualified also leave within 5 years of starting. To have every teacher of 12 at a primary school resign, makes a huge statement about the state of things today.

      Reply
  • Rebecca Wingrave says: March 7, 2018 at 4:07 pm

    Rachael, what you are sharing in this article is gold, I have been working full time too and have found this at times to be overwhelming and at times to be completely fine and actually very enjoyable, the difference is how I feel in myself, if I feel confident in myself and do not go into self doubt then I feel great and do not get tired, if I go into self doubt and think that I am not good enough then I get tired and do not have that connection with myself and others and do not enjoy my day and instead just manage to get through it.

    Reply
  • Rachel Murtagh says: March 3, 2018 at 5:21 pm

    As carers in any profession we tend to put others needs way before our own. This can leave us feeling exhausted and then resentful as we drive and push to get the job done. In this, there is no quality, and so the receiver ends up receiving all of our angst, frustration and bitterness. Yet, if were to look after ourselves others will feel that quality and be the receivers of it. Could we not flip it around and say… it is selfish to not self-nurture and make yourself a priority? I like the oxygen mask tip on planes that say, apply your own mask first before helping others, it highlights this point!

    Reply
  • Leigh Matson says: March 2, 2018 at 4:12 pm

    I don’t feel this could ever be exhausted: When wanting to run away from any part of life the key is to connect within. Thank you Rachel.

    Reply
  • julie says: February 23, 2018 at 1:58 pm

    It’s important to look after ourselves at work, and as I work in the care industry, it is clear that to care for others we have to be able to give ourselves a certain level of care with the emphasis on deepening that care. Within this industry, we do get injuries and get sick, but unfortunately, there is an emphasis on getting us back out there in the field as quick as possible because the system is not geared for carers to get sick themselves. The pressure to relieve the situation is then put onto the remaining already exhausted carers to fill the gap.

    Reply
  • Michael Goodhart says: February 21, 2018 at 2:10 pm

    It’s easy to get bruised and battered by life when we are living in constant emotional reaction to all the corruption and insensitivity that prevails as well as when we try to fix everyone else’s problems before connecting to that steady knowingness and stillness inside us first, as Rachel has proven here.

    Reply
    • Lucy Dahill says: April 9, 2018 at 5:39 am

      Yes Michael, and we have to know that unless we re-connect to that steady knowingness and build a relationship with ourselves then we are feeding the image everyone sees of corruption and insensitivity. We can all be this change simply by focusing on the level of care and tenderness we bring to ourselves first.

      Reply
  • Rik Connors says: February 2, 2018 at 6:14 am

    My life has changed exponentially due to what I have focused on and how I then live. The more I have understood my qualities and how I uniquely express them the more my life has expanded is about that. Much of who I was before Universal Medicine was holding back what I am here truly to bring. This exhausted me and caused me to shutdown and withdraw from life. Appreciating my qualities built a foundation of feeling positive about myself.

    Reply
  • Suze says: January 30, 2018 at 5:39 am

    It is so very true that when we value ourselves and bring more of our expression out we then have more of a solid foundation that supports us with a steadiness in our days. I have held back in my expression and was exhausted by the day, now I am expressing much more and in this I have more energy, vitality and feel much more solid.

    Reply
  • Mary Adler says: January 9, 2018 at 4:14 pm

    Rachel, what a great lesson you learnt by listening to your form teacher, your body, and with the Gentle Breath Meditation.

    Reply
    • Rachel Murtagh says: January 11, 2018 at 6:40 am

      Mary, I have come to understand that starting with the Gentle Breath Mediation, my body is my greatest teacher. Having begun to listen to it more, the signals and messages come over loud and clear and it is up to me whether I ignore or listen to what is being communicated.

      Reply
  • Helen Elliott says: December 11, 2017 at 5:55 pm

    Teachers are crucial to society and their health and wellbeing needs to become a priority both for them and others if we are to turn around the exodus of teachers who can no longer cope with the ever growing demands on their time and energy because of the overwhelming environment so many are increasingly working in with ever increasing targets and often increasingly challenging behaviour etc. Inspiring role models like yourself are very much needed but also a general recognition that we are unable to truly care for others unless we commit to taking loving care of ourselves.

    Reply
  • Helen Elliott says: December 11, 2017 at 5:49 pm

    ‘I am not on the sidelines of life any more.’ So true Rachel when we are caught up in constantly trying to prove our worth it is impossible to feel in the flow of life because we are in a constant battle with ourselves and everyone else. The more I commit to taking care of me and not trying to fix everyone around me the more energy is available to be of true service both in my work and community.

    Reply
  • Rebecca Wingrave says: November 13, 2017 at 3:50 pm

    Rachel, this is what I can feel with myself, that it is the worrying and anxiety and not feeling good enough that makes me tired, if I work feeling confident in myself and not doubting what I bring then I can more than easily cope with everything that is before me and with the hours I am working; ‘I could handle the amount of hours I was working in a day and that my exhaustion was stemming from an inner battle of anxiety, and from the feeling that I was not enough.’

    Reply
  • chris james says: October 21, 2017 at 8:53 am

    When one has the opportunity to work with teachers there is so obviously such a need for care and nurturing to be introduced… they hold our future in their hands

    Reply
    • Rachel Murtagh says: November 5, 2017 at 4:59 pm

      My hat goes off to my colleagues. Their propensity to work hard and with such dedication are off the charts, but often they do this at the expense of themselves and their well-being. With teachers leaving the profession and burnout at such an all-time high, (in the UK) introducing care and nurturing is urgently needed.

      Reply
  • Suse says: October 4, 2017 at 4:40 pm

    ‘It was like a constant bombardment from the outside and a withering away on the inside.’ Which is exactly why connecting to ourselves and honouring our innermost as our foundation is so vital for our health and wellbeing – regardless of what our chosen profession or responsibilities are.

    Reply
  • Carola Woods says: August 24, 2017 at 5:55 am

    It is incredible to feel just how liberating it is to hold steady as we move through our day, when we live in connection to who we are within. And what’s more is that this honoring relationship becomes the foundation of all our relationships be it with others, work and life in general.

    Reply
  • Shami says: August 3, 2017 at 4:35 am

    It can be said that for many professions there is a daily struggle to keep up with all the demands. These demands can feel crushing and oppressive if we let them dictate the rhythm of our days, how we care for ourselves, how we relate to each other.

    Reply
    • Rachel Murtagh says: October 15, 2018 at 2:39 am

      And how we care for ourselves can turn this around when we do so in a consistent and positive way. I have found the struggle in work and in life to reduce with a more vital and well body.

      Reply
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