Having had three children, all very different in every single way, with absolutely no similarities even in their looks, it didn’t take me long to discover that what worked for one did not work for another.
I remember going into my second pregnancy feeling like it was my first, and having a friend share with me to treat it as that, and I found parenting them was no different – they were all as if they were my first – and three children in, I am still learning and feel like I am starting from scratch at times.
The only thing I could feel that was the same was they all needed the same quality and consistency from me: they needed to be parented, and that came from how I was with me first, then from me being fully with myself I could feel what they needed individually and how I could support them.
After having our first child I observed how easy it is to place them in front of a television to give me some time to get things done… a break. These days TV has been replaced by electronic devices in becoming the babysitter of the millennium. And what a great distraction… a child can be distracted by an electronic device for hours on end, allowing you as much time as possible.
In our case, we soon discovered that our daughter became quite despondent, distant and at times angry during and after watching television or using an electronic device. We started to cut back on the amount of television she watched, and electronic devices weren’t really a big thing when she was young so that was fairly easy to cut back, and out.
Eventually, after noticing a massive shift in her without watching television, we decided to stop watching TV altogether. It was a choice we had also made for ourselves earlier on so it was a natural next step for us. After all, if we could feel how television impacted on us and why we were choosing to watch it in the first place, then she was definitely being affected equally so.
Again, the choices we made when it came to parenting our children first came from us and what we had felt, and watching television for us felt like a distraction: it took us away from feeling what was needed, and from being able to take into account each child individually – each one needing different routines, rhythms, boundaries and consequences.
Even though each child is different, there is a level of consistency that each child needs to feel from us as parents. This includes a willingness to be present in each moment to be able to feel what is needed, rather than going into ticking the boxes or wanting to look good. It also includes not being afraid to stand out or shy away from the reactions of others because we choose to parent our children in a way that is different and at times confronting for others.
I see myself as their guardian until such point in time that they are old enough to make their own choices. Being a parent has allowed me to commit to my own level of and quality of livingness, to connect to and feel what is needed in each moment for each child as an individual, but also taking the whole into consideration.
There is no off time when you are parenting children – you are always on. I know through my own observations in the home the impact electronic devices, unhealthy foods, routines and rhythms have on our children and it is not a life I choose for them.
Don’t get me wrong: at times it can be challenging – being ‘on’ all the time asks me to not go for the distraction or quick fix. But being ‘off’ – I have discovered very quickly – is far worse, and for me parenting is not at all ‘in-joyable’ when I am looking to escape, even if it is just for a second.
I appreciate every day all that our children have brought to us, and at such a young age have shown me the absolute glory there is in loving and deeply caring for myself.
I also deeply appreciate and am forever ‘great-full’ to Serge Benhayon for reflecting and living true family, for without this reflection, I would not have the family or children I have today.
Blessed in every way for these children being sent, and an absolute honour to be their guardian for the lives they have chosen this time around.
Published with permission from my husband.
By Nicole Serafin, 45, Woman, Self-employed Salon owner, wife and mother, Tintenbar NSW
Further Reading:
Re-claiming the Responsibility of Being a Parent
Parenting from the Heart
Mothering, Me and Serge Benhayon
We learn a great deal by parenting ourselves with the same care and nurturing as we offer a young child.
“No off button” turns the whole way we do thing around as we are always connected and we are choosing to be in that awareness, so we are turned onto our essences and not turned off to this innate part of us, our most divine aspect or Soul.
Nicole I feel that there is no time off at all whether it be parenting yourself or children or any other person. I can feel how we have to be on all the time because the negative forces that surround us are trying to infiltrate our bodies and get us to give up, withdraw, checkout, become distracted, anything to stop us from returning back to our soul. Its a constant vigilance. We have no real idea of how our every move is watched, and sometime the negative energy allows you to feel your going really well and then suddenly they pull you back its like a mouse being played with by a cat.
TV. has taken us back to the dark ages and we are under a spell of thinking we are evolving, when the use of this medium and so many other devices are divisive in the way they separate us.
If only we recognised that there are things that children have already mastered and didn’t treat them as most of us do, with the assumption that they know nothing. We miss out on the their reflection, whilst their qualities get dismissed or ignored or both.
Are any of us the same? I feel not. Sure our essence is identical but on top of our essence we’ve had a million experiences that happened to us in a specific way, at a specific time and for specific reasons. All of these experiences shape us in incredible detail, detail that is minute with nuances that are attributable to us and us alone. The Way of The Livingness is incredible because it is a way of living that suits everyone, not because it treats everyone the same but because it is able to bend and weave itself to the exact requirements of us all.
Amazing Nicole, super inspiring to hear a mum claim that she is deeply loving and caring for herself.
Seeing ourselves as guardian of our children is a lovely way to see it, whilst deepening how we live and respond to life, ‘Being a parent has allowed me to commit to my own level of and quality of livingness, to connect to and feel what is needed in each moment for each child as an individual, but also taking the whole into consideration.’
“… they all needed the same quality and consistency from me: ” Very true – then we can feel what each child needs in any given moment.
Beautiful Nicole, thank you for sharing. I love how you describe yourself as your children’s guardian until they are able to make their own choices.
The interesting thing I’ve been noting about parenting and without having a child myself is seeing how parenting can also and equally be applied to adults too when there is the loving parenting of oneself.
Nicole, I have also discovered this; ‘But being ‘off’ – I have discovered very quickly – is far worse, and for me parenting is not at all ‘in-joyable’ when I am looking to escape, even if it is just for a second.’ I have observed that if I react, if I try and escape, if I try and avoid what is going on then this simply does not work. I have noticed that dealing with things as they happen, staying present in my body and expressing how I feel and calling out what doesn’t feel loving is a much truer and more enjoyable way to parent.
I can see from your writing, how complicated parenting can be, with so many different needs coming from our children. But then you also show how simple it can be and actually if each child is regarded as their own person, with their own journey, which has its own set of challenges, then t is not the case complicated multitasking, but rather supporting and developing people with all of you and the skills that you have.
A beautiful honouring and understanding offered here Nicole’ that we are guardians of our children. Never are they ours or do we own them, for as soon as we think we do we are imposing on them our emotional needs that selfishly hinder their learning and our fostering of their understanding of how to live knowing who they are and how to live their true power in the world as they grow up.
Knowing how to read a child and what is truly going on for them is a parents greatest ally.
The art to parenting is ‘reading’ – reading whats actually going on with them and why, many children are playing out past life fears and hurts – when we understand this we can work better with them to bring about healing.
I know that when I was growing up I was vastly different from my sisters therefore we did need to be parented differently. However no-one know about it back then so it is lovely to know of families who are doing this today.
Loving consistence is a key factor in raising children it gives them a sense of safety and trust where they can grow and expand who they truly are.
Offering them the space to work through what may feel like challenges yet reflect the imperfections of the world and how we learn and grow amongst it all.
Being consistent in our quality of connection to ourselves and others is the greatest reflection we can offer another.
When there is consistency we are offered what is needed for everyone at that moment and it is this that holds the quality and expression for each and everyone.
I have a young toddler who continues to show us how sensitive she is. When she spends time on any devices – it really effects her – and so we have to work as a family to be responsible and allow her to understand that she simply can’t handle them. Once we honour this, and explain it to her – she is fine – but this is a way of raising children in an accountable way that means they start to understand the effects of these gadgets.
Beautiful to hear that a simple explanation sufficed re I.T. I remember my young son going off the wall after drinking orange juice many years ago now. He can even recall it and we have a laugh now, but it wasn’t easy at the time to explain how his body really couldn’t handle it.
Bringing understanding to children, taking time to connect with them, and explain what is happening is super important.
I agree with you Lorraine every child whether they are aware of it or not wants to be met and understood for themselves. I have watched how young children try to get attention of their parents who are distracted and the sagging of their bodies as they feel the rejection. I feel for them as I felt for myself that as children we can easily become the unseen to our parents.
I really notice how easy it is for parents to get quiet time – electronic devices certainly keep kids quiet, but from what I observe there is a great price to pay. Electronic devices are addictive and I notice the effects on my son and other children who watch them. From my observations it affects concentration, can make kids hyperactive and unsettled, tired, grumpy and unable to focus. I have also seen them how they can affect children’s learning and ability to communicate.
‘…being ‘off’ – I have discovered very quickly – is far worse,…’ I know I avoided the responsibility of being a parent because it is 24/7 and the off moments are so starkly reflected; but I’m starting to appreciate being off isn’t ever without consequence or effect and the more honest I become about this the more I can’t deny responsibility.
“Even though each child is different, there is a level of consistency that each child needs to feel from us as parents.” Parenting as I remember from when my children were young was forever evolving as the children grew older and trying to keep them in one ‘box’ together was not possible. Letting go of beliefs, and perceived ideas of what they should be doing and when, does not take into account their individual uniqueness, their own style they have brought with them into this life; that is for us to honour and nurture and not to control.
If we go through life with a cookie cutter approach it’s no wonder we find it same and get hurt. We repeat the same actions we thought worked and restrict life to what we think it ought to look like. It’s not sweet.
Nicole, I am realising this with my son and when I look after other children; ‘There is no off time when you are parenting children – you are always on.’ Trying to escape or check out simply doesn’t work. Dealing with situations as they arise seems key and trying to ignore what is going on in my experience simply doesn’t work. Children need that consistency and resolution.
Its ironic that TV is such a great way to switch off… a remote control we use on ourselves for us to check out and give up. Much better to switch off the TV
Love the observation of what TV does to the kids, quietly creeping up and radically altering their behaviour, of course it requires you to be present enough to make the link. But I do wonder if we apply the same observational skills to ourselves as adults? Do we take the same advice and limit our screen time, not stay up late watching TV, check our mood afterwards…. be good to check that!
Beautiful that you have shared so wisely that the key to parenting is about quality, as it is the quality of love that we live with for ourselves that confirms the quality for love that our children are, which is one and the same, and is what our children deserve. Reflecting the vibration of love for our children to feel, is what fosters their exploration in developing a relationship with this quality of who they are for themselves, their essence. This is everything that is needed for children to grow in confidence, knowing who they are and how to live guided by their innate knowingness and wisdom.
I also can feel how watching tv is a distraction yet although I do not watch tv, I clock and there may be brief moments when I find other ways to distract myself or check out during my day. The more I get to the root of those movements that takes me out from being present with myself, the more I support those around me.
All children are different and the way we parent may bring a slightly different tone and expression that supports each one but the truth lies in holding consistency in our lives that reflects far greater in the loving and stable support our children need.
Busting the myth that there is a right or wrong way to parent, this article invites me to consider a much bigger picture than my sometimes restricted view of parenting; honouring every child as someone unique, an equal learner in life and here to develop and deepen in relationships.
Like children we love to think we can treat every moment like one from the past. We like to try to apply old solutions to new days. By running on repeat we run ourselves into the ground and miss the opportunity to trust our feelings and just live. Thank you Nicole.
As someone who is recently pregnant – it really feels so different the second time – and as if it is brand new. It is like I can’t compare it because my body won’t let me remember it or hold onto it. I love this experience – this experimentation. It is so confirming that no 2 babies are the same.
” they all needed the same quality and consistency from me: they needed to be parented, and that came from how I was with me first, then from me being fully with myself I could feel what they needed individually and how I could support them.” So beautiful to know and makes so much sense as connected to ourselves deeply we know what is needed and that love knows everything we need to know for our children and everyone uniquely .
Every moment of life is unique, and requires us to treat it as such – the only parts that repeats are our patterns, ideals and beliefs. Everything you share about children Nicole applies to our whole life too.
so simple in making raising kids about quality first. How beautiful. It really can be that simple and this sharing shows the power of letting kids just be who they are.
Role modelling the same consistency of quality and connection to our innermost can create such a feeling of trust and safety for a child, allowing them to trust and follow their own innermost connection.
Every one of us wants to be met, loved, cherished and honoured deeply, we know when we are being supported, judged or dictated to, and we can all feel when someone is consistent in their own life, genuine or talking about something they themselves don’t live. There is no one way to parent, but the foundation of love, truth and honouring as well as a consistent reflection of living a responsible and caring life is hugely supportive for us all.
Sitting here pondering on learning to always be ‘on’. I don’t have children but that doesn’t mean I am void of that lesson. Life has a way of showing all of us the same lessons but tailored to us just as parenting different children can be as you’ve shared.
We are all unique, we bring different qualities and what we offer the world. My children were and are very different in some ways, and equally what I learnt and still learn from them is different.
We try to fit parenting into boxes, we constantly look around us for a model of parenting that works, we take what we see as the good bits and leave what we see as the bad bits which we try to fit into a picture of parenting which doesn’t work. What you are describing here of being their caretaker and guiding them until they are old enough to make their own choices takes away the need for guilt and blame and allows each individual to have their own unique expression.
We could be in a room full of people who have all experienced the same set of circumstances, ie a divorce, or even all been witness to the same thing however our personal experiences of it would all be very different. Therefore we could not assume that everyone would need to be treated in the same way in terms of the support they may need. The same is true for children, who all have their own take on life and how they cope with it or not, so it goes without saying that every child needs parenting according to their own needs.
I completely agree with you Nicole that when we make choices in how to parent our children it has to come from our own way of life, what we have felt as the truth, that’s the only way to teach our children the notion of responsibility. Children have a very strong radar and will immediately feel when something comes from our ‘head’ so to speak.
We are definitely not all the same in our expression but we are also definitely the same when it comes to being love, harmony, love, joy and truth. We are exactly the same in our essence and the best parenting can be done from being connected to this essence ourselves.
Sharing a one unifying truth in our essence and having unique expressions of this, like different angles from the same point of light.
Reading about TV distracting from knowing what is needed is so poignant. How different would my life be if I choose to say yes to being aware each evening ready for the day as to whatever has bothered me during the day that I have ignored.
Being fully with ourselves enables us to feel how to be in life, with ourselves and with others, ‘they needed to be parented, and that came from how I was with me first, then from me being fully with myself I could feel what they needed individually and how I could support them.’
Children are beautiful emanations of the one Soul but each with different expressions.
It is so true that we can hold the same quality with all children but that their expression will differ from child to child. And so it shows the importance of as a parent, having a solid reflection to our children and allowing them to explore how they express this in their own way.
When there are moments in my day where there is not a willingness to be present with my children but to switch off and distract myself what am I avoiding or running away from? I am not only running away from feeling what is needed but avoiding the connection to self. The connection to self is first; in that moment choosing connection to myself is love.
And is this where our true responsibility comes in… not a burdensome thing, but the willingness to (and joy of) staying open to learning and not running away from anything?
Beautiful Nicole, gorgeous light you shed on parenting, how we are opened to see more truth on our parenting and that in fact it is never meant to be the same. This takes the pressure of that we can listen more to our feelings and less to images, ideals and beliefs that we have been brought up with or the way we have set up our society, communities.
Children react when we as parents are not on it, it feels like a responsibility of being a parent to be on and not check out, they rebel, play up and cause issues when they do not feel that you are aware, present and supportive. When we are on it, it offers a them a steady and consistent foundation as they grow, this can not be underestimated.
Well said Samantha, and, in truth, this goes for all our relationships.
I agree Samantha, children feel everything. We condemn the ‘naughty’ child but could the child that misbehaves either at home or in the classroom or in both places be reflecting something we are avoiding within ourselves that we don’t like to see, hence the reaction and blame on the child? Being open to the reflection a child is offering through his or her behaviour is paramount because then, we are open to learning.
I love what you share here, Nicole, ‘The only thing I could feel that was the same was they all needed the same quality and consistency from me: they needed to be parented, and that came from how I was with me first, then from me being fully with myself I could feel what they needed individually and how I could support them’. Energy works through our children in the same way it works through us and we can feel our buttons being well and truly pushed at times, which is why it is so important to come back and re-connect with ourselves before we go into reaction. Then we allow the space to feel into what is needed in that moment.
Asking whether children all need to be parented the same is like asking if we all need to dress the same; it’s possible, but does this appreciate everyone’s individual expression and flair?
When we hold expectations with our kids they start to learn very quickly that they can’t just be themselves and resort when very young, to trying to please and perform for parents, and I see that regularly at my work.
Letting kids check out in front of the TV or by using electronic devices or gaming has its price further down the line. It might buy a bit of time and space in the short term but longer term it leads to alienation, lack of communication and moodiness, amongst other things.
They are also becoming the lost generation and prime candidates for lowering the age of the onset of dementia.
To understand that the behaviour of our children (and our own too) can come from eating certain foods that are not supportive for us or watching tv, playing a video game and so on is absolutely life changing, because, then we can cut back the things instead of thinking that it is normal behaviour from time to time and ignore the fact.
I know that I have always known that our expression is different this does not mean that we should be treated differently in value just supported to bring our own qualities to the fore and share these with the world.
Reading your words today Nicole I get the sense how we can tend to look out at the world and expect other people to think, feel and behave as we do. We call this similarity friendship and connection, but is it really? It’s become super clear to me that we each are very different in the way we operate – but the love and connection we have inside is the thing that is here to unify. The more we step back and understand that we each bring something beautiful and unique, we can stop living in a world of wrong and right and embrace each other’s light.
Children have just as much to offer to adults as the other way around, treating them as lesser is super damaging for both parties.
Living or being with children is not a one way relationship, and this is important to see because we are not the only ones who do the teaching but equally can learn from them about life, sensitivity and how the relationship needs to deepen..
Providing a loving and nurturing environment is the foundation for setting boundaries which is easy to feel here. Boundaries without this are just rules.
The only cookie cutter parenting is to be you in all you do, the true loving expression of you, then you will always be what is needed for whom ever that may be.
“Being a parent has allowed me to commit to my own level of and quality of livingness” – this is gorgeous because I very rarely hear parents talk about what they have learned from their children, when children are very obviously people we can learn a huge amount from.
“Eventually, after noticing a massive shift in her without watching television, we decided to stop watching TV altogether. It was a choice we had also made for ourselves earlier on so it was a natural next step for us. After all, if we could feel how television impacted on us and why we were choosing to watch it in the first place, then she was definitely being affected equally so. ” This is a magnificently courageous, sane choice and I fully applaud you for making it Nicole.
I love how you view your role as a parent Nicole, “I see myself as their guardian until such point in time that they are old enough to make their own choice.” I feel that by developing a loving foundation that children can come back to we can support them to live in a way that is honouring of themselves and their expression of the wisdom they can connect to.
Thank God we are all different even though at heart we are all the same. Life can never be boring or a drudge with kids when they are allowed to be who they truly are rather than boxed into a ‘should be like’. Challenging at times yes but so much more fun
I have twin daughters that were like chalk and cheese, which are now 41. I remember one did not even try to learn to walk and fall as they do. She would just stand and hang on to something and watch her sister’s, attempts at walking. After the act was mastered and had watched the mechanics of the process and then, she just walked, after observing how to do it. What fun would the world be if we were all the same?
“Even though each child is different, there is a level of consistency that each child needs to feel from us as parents.” this confirms to me the real importance in not only the fact each child is different but that the quality we are and bring to each and every situation should be the same, just different in the way it may be with each person.
“There is no off time when you are parenting children – you are always on. ” What a blessing children bring for this to be the case. The notion and perceived entitlement of off-time is what dampens us and our connections with others. We are meant to be always on, always purposeful and thus serving – not withdrawing from life.
This is the power and the potential of love that every child brings.
What articles of real life experiences that differ so much to the norm. There are so many articles here that could be used as a handbook to life and parenting. Throw away the books from the shops, this is where it is at!
What you have shared here is total gold Nicole, as true parenting starts within ourselves first and the reflection that is offered to our young, as it is by way of reflection that they are inspired to make positive changes in their lives understanding that life is about responsibility and choices that are aligned more to the true essence of who we are.
Francisco that is undoubtedly true in the fact that the more myself and my wife deepen the care and love for ourselves, the more we reflect to our child how to grow up, how to develop and what is most important in life.
Consistency is essential in all our relationships… It is the foundation of true connection.
Children are barometers of truth and it is so amazing to actually appreciate this in full. Technology can take them out of their bodies and into their heads very easily, and as parents, we can clock this and see it as an opportunity to support them to not lose themselves. it is also a great reflection for us as parents and what technology actually does to people.
Children are not born liars, they learn it from us.
This is spot on that every child requires uniquely tailored parenting that best support themselves to establish a way of being in life where they are confident to deal with whatever comes their way without compromising their sensitivity. This is why sibling rivalry (comparison) can be such a killer the natural deepening of love and understanding that is there for every family. Often the solution to comparison is to treat everyone the same regardless of their unique qualities and the specific love and support one needs for what they are developing in their specific stage of life. Love treats everyone equal but quality first and foremost, the physical outplay of the is simply the delivery of what is needed in each moment.
True Abby, uniquely tailored parenting is a natural and responsive thing with each child, and exposes the traditions that are often adopted when making decisions for our children – where the choice is not what the child truly needs.
I love everything that is shared here about parenting… and even self care. When you offer yourself the space you need to be with you, then you are able to fully be with your children, and then they receive the best from you. And as you say, it doesn’t mean to have ‘off time’ moments to achieve that personal space you may need, but consistently sustaining the quality you live in and then this is available to be shared in your family. It’s beautiful to have these family reflections for all of us to be inspired… thank you!
When we accept the true purpose of parenting and the responsibility we hold, as you have so beautifully shared Nicole, we then are able to truly meet every child with the absolute love they deserve to be met with, nurtured with and guided with so they too can feel the love they are and are reflected the truth so their innate relationship with knowing truth is naturally fostered.
The gift of being with children and the amazing reflection they offer us is very beautiful and something to be treasured in their each own unique way. A beautiful honouring of the importance of our quality and the parenting that comes from there with consistency and flow allowing a steadiness and holding for children to feel .
Children do show us who we are, and show us where we can learn and grow. They are souls in young bodies, and carry the wisdom of the ages from the day they are born.
Heather my experience with my daughter is exactly that, age in this life means little bar the practical aspects of life than does the wisdom our children show.
Nicole, I can very much agree with this; ‘The only thing I could feel that was the same was they all needed the same quality and consistency from me’, I have felt this with my son, that it is my inconsistencies and my wobbles and reactions that are unsettling for him, in the consistency I observe that he feels safe and he feels held and loved.
The only constant for children to be parented is love, but how that is expressed and what is needed depends on each child and how best they hear and understand what is being communicated.
Sink or swim, every choice I make with my children is a brick in their experience and foundation in life, this is also informed from other places and people, but I do not underestimate my role as a role model. I could try and say I don’t care, or take a break when it gets tricky, but it matters, every moment matters to their lives and how we are with ourselves.
Absolutely love your sharings Nicole and you are a real inspiration with the wisdom you are bringing to your parenting! Today many parents are modelled in their way by the pictures and ideals of what they think it means to be a parent but you are showing a very real and practical loving approach to being open with what is needed and not sticking to the norm. So cool!
The same question applies to teaching: children are not the same – some learn fast, some learn slow, this way suits for some but doesn’t work for others – it is a teacher’s job to listen as much as it is to teach.
I used to live for the ‘off time’ or ‘down time’ to recuperate from the ‘on time’. Interesting to reflect how much that has changed. I have seen clearly that my ‘on time’ was often filled with drive, perfection, the need to get things sorted, right, fixed, completed. etc….and that often need ‘down time’ afterwards. Over the years that has been changing, and the drive is lessening and it is more about developing a relationship with my body, with me, and lessening the relentless drive, and making it more about bringing in self-care, self-love and from there doing what is needed. And that is becoming more my ‘on time’ which takes responsibility. When I want to escape from doing that, for some ‘off time’ it often leaves me feeling a bit….well off…actually.
If we do turn off even for a very short time, things can go askew very quickly. We need to be on all of the time as much as possible as this supports ourselves as well as our children.
Celebrating our uniqueness while also really valuing the support and inspiration of consistency in the way we parent, teach, communicate with and relate to our young people… this is a brilliant article that takes the pressure off getting parenting right and offers us an invitation to take responsibility for the way we live, present and value ourselves.
I have found being a parent of a boy and girl very interesting, in that we have a difference in gender and characters but essentially in essence no huge difference. I am learning to be equal with them, but understanding that they come with their own way of life and experiences to have as the grow, we need to be sensitive to our children, having their own individual expression, with the understanding that in essence we are all equal. We all essentially respond to love, truth, warmth and care the same, we all seek connection and understanding.
Are all children the same? In my experience I would say definitely not. I have had five children and each child has had their own unique qualities, which I have learned so much from. However the one thing in common they do all have is the need to be loved and supported for simply being themselves without any expectations or comparing of one to another.
As adults and parents we can offer the quality of our own livingness to children and connect with them just as they are.
The earlier we parent our children the earlier they will be able to take responsibility. In Asian cultures it is not uncommon that children are still parented when they are 60 or above, which makes me wonder if we truly understand what parenting is, and perhaps we have never really parented ourselves.
Although we are all equal, we all have our own unique qualities that make us who we are. And in the same way that many pieces make up one jigsaw puzzle, we all have qualities and skills that another needs, and when these are used in a harmonious flow we are an enormous and steady support for each other that combine to make a whole.
It’s not about servitude or being a slave, but truly being in relationship with someone requires us to hold them in our heart and consistently deliver Love. There are no rules or rights and wrongs outside of this, no barriers or barricades that are true to let live. These no moment where someone else deserves less than our true care. 100% of every day it’s up to us to treat each other in a truly loving way. Thank you Nicole for the reminder.
“I see myself as their guardian until such point in time that they are old enough to make their own choices. ” I feel its important for us to consider what a “guardian” means and the difference that this makes to raising children, to seeing they are equal to us but need guidance and support in the ultimate way – to be met and loved and in that supported to be all they are.
Yes each child needs to be treated in accordance to their particular makeup.
If you compare one child to the other you are going to have kids, that don´t feel seen and met. Actually you are establishing competition between the two or three ( no matter how many kids you have) . I can feel now, that this is the reason why competition occured very early between my sibling and me. If you get judged as less in any shape or form, which happens automatically, if you compare, you feel to catch up in a different way.
Treating each person as the unique individual they are without judgment even though at the same time in essence we are all the same can easily be forgotten in the demands and stresses of life. Managing to not forget this is a great inspiration and loving support.
This innate knowing that TV is not having a good effect on us and of course not on children, we all carry inside us. How blind do we make us as humanity? How much don´t we want to feel and see what is the truth? How much do we care for what is truly needed?
And if we are prepared to ask these questions, Stefanie, then we can also start to explore and understand the why we do not live in a way that we know supports us and maintains our health.
What you have shared is so great, as parents we don’t realise the true impact of what gadgets and TV are having on children. We wonder why their play gets them into moods etc, but don’t stop think what is it they where doing before those moments. What energy was coming through those gadgets and TV. As parents we really have a responsibility here to choose what we put our children in front of as they are being led by us and our choices.
The idea that we are always on when we are parenting made me think that about being on and off as an individual. Perhaps we have the same responsibility to be on whether we are parents or not and there are really only check out points in life if we switch off from our whole being in life.
Treating our children differently by honoring their uniqueness is exactly the same principle that we should treat our family, friends and work colleagues with.
I have found that the best way to parent children is to ‘get ourselves out of the way’, so to speak. For when there are no impositions coming at the child, he/she will naturally express what is within them to express – the love, joy, truth and playfulness we each in essence are. All we need ‘do’ is meet them in this space from the same quality of presence within us.
And how much simpler and more enjoyable parenting is when we relinquish the notion that we have got to input a whole lot of stuff in order to do our job well.
A beautiful understanding of parenting and a real gift to share this with others Nicole “The only thing I could feel that was the same was they all needed the same quality and consistency from me: they needed to be parented, and that came from how I was with me first, then from me being fully with myself I could feel what they needed individually and how I could support them.” How amazing to be parented this way 🙂
Yes, these are very lucky kids….
The same way Nicole so accurately points out in this blog how we have to honour the individual requirements of each of our children and how best to uniquely support them, I have found that parenting our one child has involved a similar approach in that it is a constantly changing dynamic as she has gotten older, and one that requires refinement from one year or even one moment to the next as both she, my partner, and I have developed our way of living. One can’t just use some ‘cookie cutter’ approach from a parenting book or class and apply it to their children, as is so often promoted to new parents. All that is needed is a humble and honest approach that focuses on the understanding that as a parent it is your responsibility to maintain that connection with yourself as a true role model first, and that our children will respond in kind by reflecting that level of connection and self-love back to us if we maintain it in us in the beginning.
It is probably fair to say that our most acute hurts and most entrenched patterns reside within the framework of our families. Thus, it takes immense commitment and humility to break those cycles and parent not in reaction to all of that. I am eternally grateful to what Universal Medicine has taught me about this and whilst I don’t profess to have mastered it, I know absolutely categorically that I am a much, much, much more understanding, supporting, loving and humble parent as a result of what I have learnt from Universal Medicine. Also – it’s important to mention that a vital ingredient amongst all of this is an understanding and lack of judgement of our own parents and how we were parented.
Having three children is the most absolute proof of reincarnation that anyone could ever ask for; such totally different packages!
” It also includes not being afraid to stand out or shy away from the reactions of others because we choose to parent our children in a way that is different and at times confronting for others. ”
This is so important, not to enjoin so as to keep other parents and their children happy.
It’s great to appreciate that whilst in essence we all are made of the same quality that our individual expressions are just that and in order to support our children to grow and evolve, the way we parent may be different but the purpose and commitment and quality remains the same.
I love this and it is oh so true…”There is no off time when you are parenting children – you are always on.” Also in truth we are on all of the time, because our responsibility does not stop concerning our communities when we shut the door, how we are in our lives, whether with children or not we still have an impact on others. I agree having children has made me acutely aware of this fact – always ‘on’….and now I decided to add a puppy to it as well, more ‘on’….
I have also found that there is no ‘off’ moment in parenting and everything I do to and/or for myself has an impact on my ability to accurately discern what is happening in any moment and to respond without reaction.
Thank you for such an inspirational sharing Nicole! I feel many Parents will find so much to put into practice or ponder on at least in your words and actions where your family is concerned. I remember when I first read an inspirational quote [when my first daughter and third child was born} concerning our children being “lent” to us, in other words not owned by us but gifted to us this lifetime.
What a touchy subject this has become, the parenting of children. There is a lot going around about how it should be done, the reasons, the formulas and the attitudes. What struck me the most about having children was the fact that truly no one could tell you, it was something you needed to adjust and learn yourself. After all no one person was in the home and in the relationship like you were and so to apply something from someone else to your family needed ‘you’ to be delivering it. Life and the way we are in it is constantly changing and parenting is the same. I love what is being said about electronic devices including TV as I watch children and how they change after being on them. It is like there is a shut down and when they stop and as a result of that shut down there is a period of coming back up to where they naturally are that has some rough parts to it. They are far more settled without them and so am I. To not parent anyone in reaction to what you see or how it was done is truly freeing for all involved and the way to do this is to see life as an ever evolving circle and so everything you do and are comes back and likewise you can choose to set the rhythm and cycle that is before you.
Every child and every situation is a unique one and therefore, as you say Nicole, it is the parents’ quality, confidence and consistency that informs the quality of the support and guidance we offer our children.
If we bring a consistency of our own presence to life we are able to respond to each person and situation as needed because we are able to feel what is needed in each moment.
Kids are so individual, with their own mix of feelings and so absolutely each is unique and deserves to be treated as such. The only way to do that is to be present, consistent and really meet them.
I love the way you are sharing about parenting Nicole – without attachment to ideals and believes but instead creating the space for feeling what is needed at each moment.
I used to be totally bemused by the idea of ‘feeling what is needed at each moment’, taking it on as another thing I had to do, however these days having incrementally and quite simply built a relationship with myself and being more and more present throughout the day, my feeling feedback from my body is more apparent and accessible. So yes I can feel what is needed in each moment and respond with care and respect for everyone involved, including myself.
I was recently reading a report on world-wide health of our youth and that we have the largest younger generation population than we have ever had. As times change, the way we need to be there to support and raise our children needs to evolve to ensure that as that generation grows into adulthood, they are ready to be all of who they are and run the world.
I would agree that all kids need consistency in our quality and behaviour but within this we need to respond to each child accordingly. We all come into life with our unique flavour, gifts and lessons to learn and parents/adults need to feel what’s needed for each child.
Children are incredible teachers. How many of us are willing to learn from them?
That’s a great point, how many are willing to learn from children. Or do we just get caught up in thinking we are right and only we know? Its crazy when we don’t see the divinity in children and what they bring.
I love observing how Serge Benhayon raised and is with his four children and grand-children. I learn a lot and get a lot out of observing the interactions- all of his children are very different to each other and all are honored for this and it is amazing to see young adults who are so solid in their expression and who they are.
Yes MW it is very inspiring knowing how Serge Benhayon and Deborah raised their children to observe parenting with such absolute love, truth, honouring, support and dedication in teaching of responsibility and accountability.
Two things stand out for me in this article: the never being ‘off duty’ when we are parenting and the absolute privilege it is to walk and learn alongside children.
A beautiful understanding of children Nicole and a great reflection of the uniqueness of us all and the qualities we bring. Treating every child In their own way from reading all they are offering us openly to see is a deeply beautiful experience and enhances our relationship, understanding and knowing of what is needed in connection to each child lovingly.
I agree Nicole, I have noticed children in general including my daughter, can get quite aggressive when using electric devices, so I began to limit the usage of them and often my daughter won’t touch it for days at all and I have noticed how much lighter and creative she becomes – she now is loving making slime at home, a messy job but one she thoroughly enjoys.
Our children are not chattels. They are people in their own right and as you so correctly say, Nicole, “I see myself as their guardian until such point in time that they are old enough to make their own choices. ” I whole heartedly agree.
We are all different in our expressions although our sensitivity can be the same. One way of communicating to one will not necessarily work for another and it is, for us as parents, to stay present enough in each moment to know what is needed in each scenario.
Perhaps we can approach everyone in the same way, sensing their inner essence before we judge anything about them, and stay with what we feel, because that will reveal how they are not living their true selves, and from there our body can let us know how to be, because the way we all act is different: some are open, some are guarded, some are calm, some react – we don’t need to think or pre-plan how to be, we just know.
Nicole, this standing out for parenting differently is something I am learning to be ok with; ‘It also includes not being afraid to stand out or shy away from the reactions of others because we choose to parent our children in a way that is different and at times confronting for others.’ I have felt that I am much more disciplined with my son and will not give him sweets and junk food because it does not support him, he also doesn’t watch much T.V, this is very different to many of his friends and so I’m learning to be ok with these differences, knowing that they are loving, supporting choices rather than thinking that I am stopping him from fitting in with his peers.
I love revisiting this blog, Nicole, to feel the deep level of integrity of your parenting.
I love the dedication in it, and the knowing of how important it is to bring this out in the world, so that others can contribute by Nicoles experience. A great care felt for humanity.
We are all unique sparks of God so yes we do need to parent differently to our siblings, but when we are consistently steady, open and aware as adults and parents we provide a strong platform for both child and parent to explore, express and nurture our unique qualities.
Beautiful that you have taken the opportunity to learn this Nicole.
It all starts with us, we are the starting point for everything and yet so many of us try to create things, be that our relationships with our kids or whatever, without first looking at our relationship with ourselves. I am in the processing of transforming my relationship with my son but only as a result of first transforming my relationship with myself.
Mine too Gill, they are their own people and I have had to support them in such different ways. I love the illustration that we are simply their guardians as it backs my feeling that my role is to raise independent young adults who know they are from love and are love regardless of how they or life might feel at times.
That is quite a challenging choice when put into context of what is the ‘normal’ for teenagers growing up today. Yet I know for myself that when there is a power outage the connection we all have with each other is deeper, there is more engagement and we all go to bed earlier, so you have all clearly made a choice to embrace that from young. What a wonderful foundation to offer your children.
Nicole the level of integrity and responsibility that you parent with is inspiring. It stems from the integrity and responsibility that you live with each and every day. What living with that energetic quality ensures is that the energetic quality of the whole gets lifted, regardless of the actual specifics of what it is that a person actually does. And that is the purpose of life, to continually lift the energetic vibration of the whole.
A beautiful sharing, Nicole, as you have without an ounce of judgment exposed clearly the detrimental and harmful effects that technology generally has upon children.
“Even though each child is different, there is a level of consistency that each child needs to feel from us as parents”. This is so true loving consistency is the greatest foundation we can give children.
We are the shepherd and the gatekeeper for our replacement generations. We indeed will reap what we sow.
Such wise words Steve. We most certainly will.
How true it is that there is no ‘off’ switch and certainly this is true of life.
When we disengage from life and from what is before us, another or many other’s miss out on all that we will otherwise bring.
Agreed Deborah, as soon as you turn your light out, the shadows beckon.
I have learnt many things from being a parent. Consistency and connection have been a constant working for me and have changed the way I parent and the response I get from my children. The more I engage and connect with them the more they engage and connect with life.
This reaffirms the impact of technology and how kids are getting smashed by it. And yet to observe children is such an amazing experience because they are communicating all the time and sharing with us where they are at. I see a marked difference in how my daughter is when we are on computers vs when we are focused on her or people.
This is a great sharing on what true parenting is all about, and that is to support our children to the best of our ability to be who they truly are until they are old enough to make their own choices with a solid foundation that will back them up for life. Thank you Nicole.
I love what you are saying here Nicole about parenting your children because children need to be parented and not just allowed to grow up without guidance, love and care. Supporting your children to feel the effects that television has on them is super important as it supports them to know what is supportive and what is not.
A beautiful description on how to bring up children.
Unfortunately the one size fits all approach is one of the main models for our education system and is proven time and time again that it just does not work.
‘Being a parent has allowed me to commit to my own level of and quality of livingness, to connect to and feel what is needed in each moment for each child as an individual, but also taking the whole into consideration.’
I love this sentence and especially the last part is something to offer our children: we are all connected to each other and things have to take the whole and everybody into account.
“Blessed in every way for these children being sent, and an absolute honour to be their guardian for the lives they have chosen this time around.” thank you Nicole for such a beautiful sharing this is what every child deserves as a basic right to be met and loved for who they truly are. I know what you have shared about TV we were without TV for a number of years and I remember when my eldest son got one I actually saw and felt the impact that it had on him when he first started to watched it .
This level of consistency you share Nicole is not limited to parenting our own children but offered to all when we see each other as brothers and and sisters and know that together we all raise the children in the village.
I love this observation… that we are all parents to all children and therefore have the privilege and responsibility to live in a way that inspires and reflects something worth observing and learning.
Now that I no longer watch TV, I can fully appreciate the stillness in my home and myself. When I’m in an environment with a TV blaring in the corner I experience a jarring feeling that leaves me almost disoriented. I can only imagine the huge impost upon small human beings and consequent behavioural outplays.
Thank you Nicole for bringing this issue to light.
I used to watch a lot of TV , especially in the afternoon and evening it was normal in our family that the TV was on. Since a couple of years I stopped watching any TV and the difference how I feel when I go to bed is immense. I can only imagine how it would have been growing up like I live now… I agree wholeheartedly that we need expressions like Nicole’s to show parents, that what they decide to do, is not good for themselves and neither to their kids.
What you ar sharing Nicole is so different than what we see and feel in most cases, where children are treated as less and ‘a nuisance’ because we are too busy? We want to continue with what we view as more ‘important things’ we have to do? When we start to make the connection we have with ourselves and each other our foundation in life we will choose to be guardians of our children until they are ready to make their own choices and this brings in quality and a sense of equality in the relationships we have with our children (and all others).
I have definitely seen people display this ‘one size fits all’ approach when it comes to raising kids Nicole, but what you have to share and say makes me think a bit bigger. Is it possible that we apply this way of thinking in rules to everything we do in life? We experience it once then think we can rinse and repeat. Yet every situation is specific, a one off and unique. We repeat what we know to be safe but in this process imprison, trap and hurt ourselves. There is no substitute for feeling and responding to what is true in every moment. We are designed to go continually deeper, not recreate the past.
I love your comments, Joseph, you have great wisdom and this is no exception. As you say the principle espoused here by Nicole is so applicable in all situations of life. Also how when we do not do this and instead have a fixed solution to apply repeatedly traps us.
Once you are given a label from an institution you are ‘done for’ as there is no way that label can be taken back unless you fight the system and take them to court? I know a young person who has been labeled and they have got the ‘recognition’ they were after but the stigma attached to that label means that they will not be accepted in our current society. They are so sensitive to life they felt an outcast in a world where we do not honour our sensitivity now they have a label to prove what they felt. Why is it we do not allow ourselves to feel our sensitivity
There is such a fine balance in parenting, of the competing demands of children being up to date and cool and normal with their peers, and parenting with the love that knows certain things are not healthy and supportive to the child. It is an inexact science discerning how to manage what is appropriate in each situation. And yet that one basic of meeting the child, giving them our full attention encouragement and love in every interaction goes a long way to offsetting all the other complications.
“Blessed in every way for these children being sent, and an absolute honour to be their guardian for the lives they have chosen this time around.” – so gorgeous to visualise a child as ‘being sent’ and joyful they are ‘to be evolved’ in their truth as opposed to ‘being created’ by two people to be owned or controlled.
I noticed the disconnection in children and adults after watching TV. I think almost every household in the developed countries have a minimum of one TV set and maybe a multiple of other electronic devices that are used for entertainment and checking out. Imagine how many people are choosing to disconnect from themselves and others through watching TV? It would be interesting to see a study on this to see how these lifestyle comforts and entertainment choices are affecting our society.
Stunning Nicole, very inspiring… and love what you share about having ‘no off moments’. I don’t have small children anymore but know this applies to my life in general too. The moment I look for some ‘time off’, I feel de-energised and lethargic, then thinking I actually need more time off to ‘rest’. If I re-engage with what needs doing and get on with it, I soon feel back in a flow of life that feels easy and energising.
I can appreciate the big call of taking the TV away from the living scenario being something that brings up a lot in people. I no longer have a television at home, and it feels so normal to me now, but when I consider what that would have meant for me in the past, it would have been very painful. We have no idea to what level we are shutting off from the world when we immerse ourselves in screen time, of any kind. We are fed this idea that it’s down time, relaxation time, but in actual fact, if we simply observe what happens to children after they’ve been on it (and their bodies are far less controlled to pretend everything is ok still at that point), we realise that it’s affecting us greatly and never gives us the rest we’re actually seeking.
What a great reminder that every child is different and that whilst the way we parent them may look different and be individual for that child the foundation of love, consistency and truth remains the same.
“I see myself as their guardian until such point in time that they are old enough to make their own choices. This is so true as when we take ownership through the blood relations concept and claim them as our own in that way, every interaction we have with them thereafter is tainted and restricted from being about true love, quality, equality and seeing the truth of them.
Whether we are parenting or interacting with adults, we have the opportunity to connect to each person. There is no blanket approach to human interaction. But as Nicole said, the only consistent thing is consistency in our own quality. From here we can read what is needed.
That is true – and respond in our fullness.
Parenting can be a touchy subject – with the feeling being that you can’t tell people how to parent their own kids. And yet, at what point do we draw the line and see that abuse is far more than physical, sexual or emotional and that it is possible that not giving our children the true love they need, which includes boundaries and consequences as well as space to grow and make mistakes, is actually just as much a part of the problem?
Every child needs something personal to their upbringing, but for many the reality is that while they are not being abused, they are being neglected and left to raise themselves through the new babysitter of technology.
It seems to me that there is a certain moment, or point that we can come to as parents when the realisation lands to the fact that our children are not our own, but their own. This is a monumental and loving time because it gives to your child the freedom to live as they need to in order to learn what they need to, which is beautiful for every one. Thank you Nicole for sharing, your piece is very touching.
That is it, we are guardians, we do not own our kids, they have not been born to fit into our lives, to fulfil us, to give us something that we need. We are here to support the growth of independent, responsible, loving adults. Anyone who has had children, we been around children, or indeed been a child…so that is everyone…will know that a child is born with wisdom and as adults we are here to support them to be who they are and be a role model.
“three children in, I am still learning and feel like I am starting from scratch at times.” This is a lovely example of how relationships are potential for evolution – each and every one of them calling out different and deeper qualities, understanding and experiences.
If only every new parent could read this blog! It is such a responsibility and an honour to raise a child, and Serge Benhayon has presented a model of true parenting over many years, through the lived example of how he is with his family.
‘The only thing I could feel that was the same was they all needed the same quality and consistency from me: they needed to be parented, and that came from how I was with me first, then from me being fully with myself I could feel what they needed individually and how I could support them.’ – if this was the only piece of parenting advice we all had, as we are all able to ‘parent’ whether we are parents or not, the world would be a very different place.
It is great to read how you brought the consistency to who you are in order to meet each child as fully as possible.
Parenting is huge. We can react in so many ways to avoid the responsibility of parenting yet true parenting is desperately lacking in the world. True parenting does come from supporting and loving ourselves first but what I am finding is this doesn’t have to mean that I need to take time out – commitment and observation is what is required.
What I love about this is that you are learning about what works and what doesn’t work and what really supports your children everyday. There’s a lot of complacency around raising children and most seem to opt for the easy or common way to do things, but this approach of constantly learning and adapting from what you learn is brilliant.
I have noticed the same thing with TV and my children and we have talked about it and they feel it too and as a result they are actually choosing to not watch much TV now and are preferring to do other things like play.
I remember being told to behave in a certain way by my elders, who weren’t living that quality themselves. Respect then flies out the window. We need to walk our talk.
“…. they all needed the same quality and consistency from me: they needed to be parented, and that came from how I was with me first, then from me being fully with myself I could feel what they needed individually and how I could support them. ” This is beautiful Nicole. Children do have different needs but all need to be treated with love and a consistency. When we can reflect that quality of love and consistency out to them it is up to them after a certain age whether they follow that or not.
If we are honest it is not hard to see the impact electronic devices, unhealthy foods, routines and rhythms have on our children and ourselves if we choose the quite often easy route, which always has consequences.
Awesome blog Nicole. This is a great example of responsible parenting. What you’ve shared is Gold and you will no doubt inspire so many people to look at parenting from a different perspective, one that calls for responsibility, consistent love and care for our children, ourselves as well as others.
Out of the 7+ billion of us here, even identical twins we are all one-offs that have an essential part to play. We are unique pieces of the puzzle of life. So, by raising the same and trying to use a cookie-cutter approach just makes us a round peg.
We had a TV in our house right from the start and one way I kept the children occupied was through hours of recorded cartoons that they could watch early in the morning. I was never aware of any grumpiness at the time, and they have both grown up as healthy adults. I went back to work when both were only a few months old and we had a live in nanny Monday to Friday. Looking back I realise that this was not ideal but it was how I coped at the time.
We do not eat certain foods because we know they do not feel good in our body, like bread, cake, potatoes, pumpkin, to name a few. Why is it that we give these foods to our children thinking that this is okay, particularly given they have such pure, sensitive little bodies? What I love about how you are raising your kids is that if it doesn’t feel good for you then it is not going to feel good for them so you address the issue, whether that be TV food or what ever else. Very inspirational.
“Blessed in every way for these children being sent, and an absolute honour to be their guardian for the lives they have chosen this time around” – Nicole, love the way you parent and embrace the responsibility you have in being all your children’s not keeper or dictator, but instead loving guardian through your own self-love and fullness.
Love the observations you have shared about parenting. I don’t have children but find everything you have shared applies to every aspect of my life too. There is no such thing as beneficial time off in life – if you take time off from being yourself then who are you allowing to come through you. These so called quick fixes are not good investments at all as they come with very nasty side effects.
‘Blessed in every way for these children being sent, and an absolute honour to be their guardian for the lives they have chosen this time around. ‘I love the depth of appreciation expressed here, the love of humanity knowing the great gift parenting can be for us all, and the understanding of life, our multidimensionality and our cycles of life and death and choices.
So often parenting is done from the aspect of fulfilling the parent’s needs of having children who love you back or fulfill you; or of raising successful children so that they get good jobs and can survive in the world getting what they need from it. At certain points in my life, had I had children, I’d have come from these aspects. So it’s wonderful to read this and feel parenting from a knowing that we do not own our children and actually we all have a responsibility in how we nurture and care for them as they grow, whatever the capacity we are in contact with them for.
So true Nicole, finding the “same quality and consistency” with any child as we all parent from the way we live is paramount to raising a generation who will learn what is like to be met for the Love they are!
I absolutely love reading what you have shared. It is rare to find a parent that deeply appreciates the responsibility that having a child brings to their life. Your approach shows how joyful and evolutionary this responsibility can be if it is embraced.
This is so true and easily not seen or appreciated. Where do we see parents like this? and I would love to have parents like this. Not that I don’t love mine dearly but the approach here has a great benefit for us all because as we know the young people are tomorrow’s leaders. So it’s important to spend the quality of time with them allowing them to be raised in place of just letting them grow up. This quality of approach to life and family is rare and it’s a blessing to have this written down for us all to read for the future which equally sets that future.
If we parent or address friendships, partnerships or working teams with ideals and images then it’s impossible to be consistent in how we are in that relationship… communication will almost inevitably become ineffective and confusing as we try to find the ‘right way’ to be and apply it to something that can’t be moulded into this shape.
I have never met one child the same as another and it is for this reason that there cannot be a one size fits all approch to parenting – but there can be a universally applicable quality which underlies every single choice and interaction, one that is about truly loving and supporting the child to grow up and be all of who they are
Screens of all sorts can be so addictive. It seems that many children are raised on screens these days and lose the ability to be truly present with you for longer than a couple of minutes before being drawn back to the distraction.
It starts with us though and how connected we are with ourselves that we can then connect in a way that meets our children.
Amazing Nicole, there can be no one approach to parenting which is better than another if a child is being truly met and understood for who they are, then – the responsibility of raising a child becomes also on their being on not on just meeting temporal standards.
I really appreciate observing the role modelling of parenting offered by Serge Benhayon, and the parents who honouring the essence of children and parent with a consistent quality of commitment. The re-imprinting that is being offered to parenting for us all is truly beautiful, loving and even healing at times, and this is simply from observation.
If we tune into the needs of every child we will know that there is no set way to parent.
There are some awesome observations in here to support other parent to not go with the current norm and experiment with what works well for each parent and child.
Nicole, I agree with what you are sharing, I see the addictive affects of sugar on my son and how he changes after having it and how addictive T.V is and how he finds it hard to stop watching it, these things affect our children hugely and yet they are accepted as ‘normal’ in our homes.
Nicole amazing timing for your blog as I was just reflecting on TV and our daughter, she does not watch TV but there are many cases where I was wondering what happens when that is the normal for all the other kids. I love the strength in what you shared and for me to reflect on this.
One only needs to look at all the things that have made our life easier. Fast food, Google, caffeine be it hot or cold everywhere and sugar in almost everything we consume. So, the dummy the children used to suck on now has become something that sucks on them, they just need to be plugged in occasionally. Just so we can have few minutes to ourselves.
So true Nicole, we are not here to mould our children with expectations and pictures – but here to stand beside them, confirm them for their awareness and ability to choose what feels true, regardless of standing out.
Again and again i have found that offering responsibilities that lead to greater self discovery is what builds a child’s steady confidence.
I like your parenting is being the guardian. Like a Japanese flying lantern, when they are ready, we let them go.
So many children are nowadays being labeled as having attention disorders or misbehaving etc. but could this not just be because of all the tv and electronic devices children are being faced with from very young? We are labelling them but are we looking at how we are raising our children and on how society is at the moment that makes the children more and more behave out of line these days? And also could sugar and fast food consumption be a part of this too?
‘if we could feel how television impacted on us and why we were choosing to watch it in the first place, then she was definitely being affected equally so.’ Yes of course if we get affected, others in our family and house also get affected.
I choose to not be aware of the effects television had on me and my children for some years so that I could sleep a little longer in the weekend. But in the end it would always bite me in the bum, because they were so out of themselves after sitting in front of the tv screen that it took us quite some time to all come back to ourselves and connect to each other.
Yes I agree Monika it is a ‘false economy’ to use TV or computers/tablets etc as a child-minder because you might get a an hour or 2 off so to speak when they are watching it but there is definitely an after-effect which takes up a lot of time and energy in the rest of the day to recover them from and sometimes the quality of the whole rest of the day as a family can be affected by the use of these devices.
“. . our daughter became quite despondent, distant and at times angry during and after watching television” . . . as did my children and most children I have observed . . . when I was parenting young children over 30 years ago I noticed this so I limited my young children to 1 half hour show a day. They also had no sugar or processed food in their diet. This was unheard of in my day and other parents accused me of not allowing my children enough stimulation! I would think to myself you have no idea what happens if these children were to be exposed to what they called ‘stimulation’.
Being a Parent is a huge responsibility but a beautiful one also. I admire the fact that you did away with TV altogether. It sounds to me that you are giving your children what you perceive is the best for them as well as your selves
It is beautiful to read how parenting can be, without perfection, but with a consistency of care and responsibility that lets the child(ren) feel held, knowing that it is then safe to explore the uniqueness of who they truly are.
Yes it is inspiring to read what Nicole shares, and what is possible when we bring awareness and responsibility to parenting and indeed every relationship in life.
Looking at today’s young teens, I feel a lot of parents are crying out for a different way to parent. This blog is so inspirational in showing us that there is another way, one that is deeply loving, embracing responsibility, supportive and nurturing.
What a lovely sharing Nicole, I hear parents share that it is impossible to parent without screens, and I can’t say I can comment with authority not having children, but I would say from having worked with children that they are much more fun and much more vibrant when they are not on a screen. And I would imagine that this would actually make the parenting easier. I know having worked on children’s nutrition programs that kids love to help, so if we are willing to spare the extra time getting them involved in making meals is a very rewarding experience for the child and parent and great bonding time.
Presence is a must, not only when we are parenting, but in all our relationships.
There are some things in life which offer a quick fix – and with two young children, I believe TV (or other media devices) is just that – they give a parent some time, space and rest from the energised little ones. We haven’t gone down that route, but it only takes watching a short clip or seeing a few photos before the power of the phone/tablet takes over. For us, for now, life without them suits us.
Nicole, I love the full acceptance and glorious confirmation of your children and the humbleness and appreciation of what you have learned from them – the gift of true self care.
“I appreciate every day all that our children have brought to us, and at such a young age have shown me the absolute glory there is in loving and deeply caring for myself”.
‘This includes a willingness to be present in each moment to be able to feel what is needed, rather than going into ticking the boxes or wanting to look good.’ Children require our presence rather than presents and for us to have the courage to do what is true for that child rather than going along with the crowd. I can remember supporting my daughter to not conform but also that there was a part of me that recognised that she was making it harder for herself and that had a knock on effect to me and sometimes I felt that pull towards conformity and ticking boxes as I felt overwhelmed by others expectations e.g. grandparents and other family members.
“Blessed in every way for these children being sent, and an absolute honour to be their guardian for the lives they have chosen this time around.” – that last sentence Nicole! Brings home that we have a responsibility to not just leave our children to grow up by what is considered the norm, and to honour the fact they have chosen this life to grow and evolve with us, – a relationship in which we are equally offered that same opportunity.
I feel the same way about the children we have in our family “I appreciate every day all that our children have brought to us, and at such a young age have shown me the absolute glory there is in loving and deeply caring for myself. ” They have been such a blessing for our lives, a depth of understanding concerning the responsibility of life as a role model is very clear when we have children, whether we take that responsibility is another matter, but the choice is there, for sure…
‘I see myself as their guardian until such point in time that they are old enough to make their own choices.’ the loving responsibility in this can be felt and feels like a holding of your children – beautiful.
Every child is different and whilst loving them needs to be the same, sometimes children need different approaches to parenting regarding their personality and expression. What works for one definitely does not work for another.
There is no ‘off moment’ for any of us, in life.. that’s not to say that rest and stopping isn’t important, but we can rest and stop as a way to check in with ourselves, instead of check out. Checking out makes us feel even more exhausted and disconnected, whereas staying present brings more joy, more energy, vitality and connection.
Yes what I have noticed is that if I really allow myself to feel or sense what is needed or best for my children it does often differ from what the accepted normals of parenting are. What I have realised is that there are many messages and beliefs out there about what parenting should and should not look like but many of these simply do not stack up in the laboratory of every day life with my children, so these days (without perfection) I aim to go by what I feel to do, not what society tells me to do.
Thanks for sharing your parenting experiences Nicole, parenting children sounds like an amazing, learning opportunity for all.
This smashes all the ideals and belief about parenting and one that really stands out for me is that you see yourself as a guardian for your children until such time they become capable of making their own decision and in that I feel the absolute equalness you acknowledge and honour, which brings a totally different relationship between parents/children. Another thing is how parenting cannot be separated from how you are with yourself and that is where how you parent your children comes from, and not books and experts somewhere.
“I remember going into my second pregnancy feeling like it was my first, and having a friend share with me to treat it as that, and I found parenting them was no different” – that’s gorgeous Nicole, love hearing such wise counsel, makes sense to me… many parents celebrate in treating all their kids as the same as in ‘equally’ .. and yes that equal is true… though what i can feel here in what you say, is that it is each child’s unique expression that’s to be held, confirmed, cherished i.e. their expression is different [not the same, though equal] to their sibling’s and so requires differing parenting.
How would it be if people considering having children were asked if they are willing to ‘be on’ 24/7 for the next 15yrs while they are guardians for the children? And then… are they prepared to let them fully go at the end of that time??
What stands out in your sharing Nicole is the responsibility we have as parents… the choice to have children brings a depth of responsibility, for a substantial period of time… at least 15yrs, that not many are willing to go to – hence the use of all the devices to ‘babysit’ the children so parents can have ‘time-out.’
Your so spot on Nicole where you say, they all needed the same quality and consistency as truly this is what is needed first in any interaction. Us bringing us and only us to another as much as possible. This is honouring and respecting another from a place of true equality and love, and also opens it up for others to feel the honouring in that choice and know, I am absolutely worthy, I am enough.
Thank you for sharing your experience here. As a new parent, I know what it is to be always ‘on’ – and how children just observe us 24/7 – we are their first teachers – and so we always have to consider what we are reflecting back. The TV and technology is an amazing example. And as our daughter does not have it very much in her life, I notice how she will go up to people and look at them if they are looking at a device. She tries to look into their eyes rather than engaging with screens. It is a joy to see and shows that children can offer us so much in the way of presence and connection.
Cookie cutters we are not! Everyone of us is a unique spark from the universal source meaning we are all the same and equal in our value. The richness of this is there for us all to connect to, allowing our children the grace to be with this knowing is the foundation from which all else will form.
I love the fact that each child is honoured, understood and appreciated for their own unique essence.
What a wonderful blog. As I was reading how you shared that putting your child in front of a screen appeared to give you more time but the adverse effect it had on their behaviour, it sounded like in the long run it actually has the opposite effect of saving time and harms the child. It is a bit like taking a stimulant such as sugar or caffeine to give us more energy when exhausted – short term pick up then feel more exhausted than ever and have not dealt with root course or nourished self. What comes through those screens does not support our children or us.
Like a cookie cutter system our mind wants to take what worked today and replicate it for other days. Our life philosophy seems to be rooted in 1+1=2, which makes practical temporal sense it’s true, but actually the answer should probably be 3 – as in all of life we need to also account for energy. When we live this way free from mental pictures, our body will naturally respond with exactly what’s needed in any situation. This might look different every day – but the love and care it comes with is the same. Thanks Nicole for highlighting these rules and regulations topic which is as we can see by no means restricted to the way we raise our kids.
This is a beautiful blog and much to learn from what you share. ‘…they needed to be parented, and that came from how I was with me first…’ This in itself must be the ‘key’ golden key to parenting. As parents if we live in and with a quality then we can support our children to experience the same. They will be inspired to live as they are role modelled to.
Everything we do always matters and influences others, just like you wrote: ‘There is no off time when you are parenting children – you are always on. We think we can have me-time or a break, but it doesn’t work like that, although we would love to think so.
I have also noticed that there are no rule books when it comes to parenting and no one size fits all approach. The most reliable method I have discovered as a parent is staying very grounded in my body and very steady and parenting on a moment by moment, case by case basis for this means I will respond with exactly what is needed for my children in that situation.
An inspiring blog, thank you. A must read for all parents, and for all of us.
Each child has different qualities and expression, and all require different styles of parenting.
Yes, and with that we have to first and foremost learn to tune in with ourselves to then stand on solid ground to be able to see what is needed.
So true Esther as we cannot discern what is needed until we are connected and in tune with our selves.
Yes that’s what I feel too, we have to feel connected to ourselves, feeling this solid foundation of knowing who we are. We cannot ‘tune in’ to what is needed when we are not with ourselves in the first place.
Parenting is a huge topic and the key point you are sharing here is that it has a lot to do with how we are with ourselves and our own willingness to learn and grow.
I agree learning to parent ourselves and holding and understanding ourselves is the foundation for all parenting of others.
It is so true that it is the quality and consistency of the parenting that is crucial for any child as they explore who they truly are and the uniqueness that they bring to the world.
It is great you have realised that parenting each child is not a one way fits all model as has been proported by the education system. Each and every child is their own person requiring different learnings and lessons and equally have different expressions of what they can bring to life. True parenting must be flexible to foster the flourishing of our children to be who they truly are.
Consistency is key whether that be with kids, work colleagues, friends, partners and/or clients. Consistency builds trust and reliability.
I agree Mary-Louise Myers that consistency is key and what I am learning probably most of all is there is no such thing as perfection to parenting and making mistakes if there is such a thing is all part of the process like everything else in life.
You both are one of a minority of parents that are responsibly raising children, most kids these days are raised by the TV or any other screen possible. Great blog, very inspiring and one that needs to be read by all.
I have watched young children before and after watching a movie on an Ipad the change in them is significant – they became passive aggressive, moody and distant. To me it was obvious, however I noticed their parents hadn’t noticed this. It made me realise that when we put our own needs over what is needed, we become blind, as we don’t want to see the effect we are having on others.
I agree with the fact “when we put our needs over what is needed, we become blind” as children are affected by the type of food they eat, how they eat, what they watch, behaviour of parents and reactions of peers. Being a parent is a constant learning and observing what is going on and supporting kids and as Nicole said there is no OFF time.
Gorgeous to read how you are bringing your children up Nicole, and I have to admit using the TV as a babysitter so that I could get things done was something I recognised and did when my two were little. This was 28 years ago and what I now observe is that children are often kept quiet with IPads and IPhones, so we can now take a portable babysitter with us when we are out.
I don’t have grandchildren but I notice how sulky youngsters can be these days
Having an off switch to escape reality and our relationships, be it with ourselves, children, partners, work colleagues, everyone it degrades the relationship. I thank Serge Benhayon and myself in bringing this awareness into my life. Disconnecting feels awful and yet once upon a time I valued escapism.
“Even though each child is different, there is a level of consistency that each child needs to feel from us as parents”. This is such a wise observation and one, if presented to all parents has the potential to make a huge difference in how we parent our children. With parents or carers holding a strong and steady foundation children are then lovingly supported to explore the world around them and the uniqueness of who they truly are given the space to blossom.
Parenting is simply an expression of life – the same as work and relationships. When we seek ‘out’ moments from any aspect of life we are effecting the whole – so no part is any less and all of it requires the consistency and love that our bodies can bring to it.
‘Guardian’ is a wonderful word to use. ‘Parent’ and perhaps ‘mother’ in particular can come with a lot of loading informed by all sorts of ideals and beliefs. Guardian describes beautifully the kind of loving but unemotional connection a parent can have with their child; it acknowledges they are with us for a time but ultimately responsible for themselves.
‘…being ‘off’ – I have discovered very quickly – is far worse, and for me parenting is not at all ‘in-joyable’ when I am looking to escape, even if it is just for a second.’
This very interesting observation applies to all areas of life. Escape is actually quite uncomfortable once you have committed to always being on. And that means being vital and attentive and dedicated, without being 100% identified with our role.
Your sharing and wisdom attained through parenting is worth the read a million times over Nicole. It comes back to how you parent yourself first.
I agree – each child needs to be supported in different ways, for we all have different expressions and things we need to learn and grow – but as you say, one thing that every child, infect everyone needs, is the consistency of love and support, boundaries and consequences.
I have seen so many times when a child is misbehaving and a parent threatens something – taking away their toy, not buying them something, leaving the shop etc and so many times they do not follow through on the threat when the child continues to misbehave, wanting to save the hassle of potentially a bigger meltdown. But in this way children learn that their boundaries are not set and can be pushed, and it sets them up as teenagers to not have an understanding that there are consequences for actions.
To me this is truly responsible parenting and it is gorgeous to feel the humbleness in how you parent in that you are learning the whole time, as well as knowing how the way you live supports and is important for your family. I am not a parent however I do have nieces and nephews and work with young people and feel the whole being ‘on’ thing applies to us all. How many of us go into auto pilot with anything … driving, walking to work, cooking dinner etc without really being clear and present in what we are doing and this goes the same for parenting. I think so many parents for that ‘time off’ plonk their little ones in front of a TV or give them a gadget. Do we want TV and gadgets to be the parents of our children? I think that is a very serious question we need to ask ourselves because that is what is happening.
“And what a great distraction… a child can be distracted by an electronic device for hours on end, allowing you as much time as possible.” It seems like we always want more time for ourselves but what does this actually mean? More time to check out, indulge? I am more and more finding that if I don’t enjoy myself everything is a chore but if I am connected I enjoy everything so it seems the children are not the issue it is our relationship with ourselves that needs looking at when we feel we don’t have enough time with ourselves and need time off from our children for instance.
I can see how there has been a lack of transparency and openess big time while I have been parenting my children preferring to shy away and pretend yet this way of being has been hurting like crazy as there was a lack of acceptance in me for me and where I was at. How could I help myself and ask for support if I was not willing to see where I was at in the choices I was making for myself and hence for my children? I am beginning to realise the impact (far greater than I am willing to admit) it has on my kids when I am ‘off’ and so are beginning to make changes but not from a rule book or in reaction but from the willingness to gently and lovingly connect to me.
Consistently taking care of self provides an inner foundation that supports us to be consistent and present with children and all others.
This is key Kehinde – with the keyword being ‘consistent’. When we live consistently in connection and reflection with our selves we do build a solid foundation that then becomes something for others to observe and connect to for themselves as well.
I find it challenging being ‘on’ all of the time especially when my children come home from school but as I become more aware and committed to myself step by step changes even if they are very subtle are occurring. Parenting is not about comparing and certainly not about being hard on myself when I do slip up and allow the distraction to take over.
Parenting is about caring for ourselves deeply so that we are able to care equally so for our children. It is on the days when I have been distracted, eaten unhealthy food or not got enough rest or the right quality of sleep that I find it harder to remain on.
Nicole, I agree wth this; ‘But being ‘off’ – I have discovered very quickly – is far worse, and for me parenting is not at all ‘in-joyable’ when I am looking to escape, even if it is just for a second.’ I have found the same Nicole, if I overeat I get tired and find that I have less patience with my son, I also find that if I overeat he wants to as well. If I go into emotions and indulge in these it is hard to look after another person – my son reacts to this and our day is much harder and so being ‘on’ and taking responsibility for how I am is the only way for me to parent that is enjoyable.
That’s interesting Rebecca, I’ve not had children but can see by what you have shared that this can play out in all relationships, how we are being, in connection with ourselves or out, is reflected back to us.. and children are such great teachers and reflectors for this.
Parenting is about supporting children to make their own choices in life and they learn from example.
Hear hear so it is. And our responsibility is to be aware of what example we are living…
They certainly do, I remember a friend telling me how she increased the amount of water she was drinking in the class room whilst teaching and as a result the students in her class then started to increase the amount of water they were drinking. We can tell children what to do until we are blue in the face but it is not until we walk our talk that they really start to make these choices for themselves.
“Even though each child is different, there is a level of consistency that each child needs to feel from us as parents.” And parents also need to be consistent in a united front or children can play one off against the other, undermining one parents authority.
From when my boys were toddlers, if I was distracted in a phone conversation or watching TV or even just getting lost in my own thoughts and daydreaming about an issue I had, the house would go into complete disarray. The boys would get up to things that they would never usually do if I was present… without fail every time and yet it took me many years to make a change. Really it wasn’t until meeting Serge Benhayon and listening to his presentations that I understood the responsibility I had to myself, and how that affected everyone around me. Now with teenagers, it is no different, if I am off and don’t want to connect then they tend to gravitate towards devices and distraction. When I’m present and connected then they are around and love to share about their day.
How many parents take the do what I say not what I do approach to parenting, I remember see a parent swear at his child to stop swearing and I could totally understand the bewilderment on the child’s face. What you absolutely show here is a way of living that supports and inspires everyone from your children, to all those that get to observe such a glorious way of parenting, by example.
Our children are such a gift, especially if we consider ourselves as their guardians for this life around and not as their parents in which you have to perform to certain images that you have been told parenting should be. When we approach parenting from this angle we are open to equally learn from what our children bring into our lives in reflecting other aspects of the divine we all equally are from.
Thank you Nicole for sharing your experience with parenting your children. “There is no off time when you are parenting children – you are always on.” Wow, I am not a mother and I have to say to be always on for me alone is a bit of a challenge and I got a feeling now of what it means while you are parenting – I am absolutely impressed and can feel that parenting like this has nothing to do with this “lovely picture” most of parents have.
What a wise choice to treat each pregnancy, each giving birth and each parenting of a child as it being the first one. In fact every situation and every interaction deserves the same. Not only is each individual different to the next with different qualities, challenges and requirements, but also as a person develops through life what will support them changes too.
You are so right, being with ourselves is key. Only then can we be be present to read what is required in the moment.
Lovely, Nicole. In our family we have also observed how TV and any screen actitivities take both adults and kids away from themselves. Ours get racy, excited, start running around not in conscious presence, so pretty soon someone gets hurt, and/or arguments and bickering break out. Then come the tears and consequences. However, no screen time leads to harmony, flow and co-operation. Tangible feeling of togetherness. The fact that TV never produces this makes one wonder if it is consciously designed to rev us up into emotion and keep us disconnected from ourselves and each other?
I use to find parenting a challenge, but those were the times when I was reacting to the situations I was in instead of reading what was actually happening. It was a seismic shift for me and one that allowed my kids to be themselves and me to be free of the expectations I was placing on them.
We have had long periods without TV at all and in all honesty, the kids don’t really have time to watch it in a normal day. In the morning they pack their own lunch and have different little responsibilities, dog walking and rubbish emptying etc…If they get free time they choose to play hand ball or ride their bikes. They don’t own devices, the ones that do, don’t really use them. Every now and again though, on a rainy weekend we like to watch a family movie together and it’s super cute and fun, we all snuggle on the couch and have a laugh and cuddle.
Equal but not the same and it applies to parents and children alike. Our common bond is our essence and the love we so naturally are.
Love this Leonne – “Our common bond is our essence and the love we so naturally are.” Living from this truth we can only treat everyone equally to how we would treat our selves, even though needs will be different essentially we all want to be held in the love that we all are.
I love what you write here Nicole, we really can apply it to every area of of our lives not just parenting. Reading what is needed is an art we all have but few use.
I have found that I pay dearly for ‘off’ time – in the short run I might think I’m off the hook, get a break and a distraction but the off time comes back to haunt me and it then takes at least twice a long to get back into a rhythm and re-establish order.
Very true, the off-time takes us out and then it takes time to get ‘back in’ and than to connect properly again – all delay to the what is…
Yes, I agree Gabriele, ‘I pay dearly for ‘off’ time’, the knock on effect and pay back for ‘off’ moments is not worth it. It feels horrible and takes time and commitment to get back on track.
I absolutely agree with this article. I have two adult children and I too learnt that they needed to be patented differently, but each needed my full attention. Consistency was a major quality I discovered in my journey as a parent. Being consistent in the values expected, and honouring that each child needed support in different ways, but never dropping the values.
i learned the same recently Leigh. Two brothers, very different from each other and in the way they inter-acted with the world. I love what you say ‘being consistent in the values expected’ we also need to honour each child equally and what they bring.
Absolutely agree Nicole, it is our consistent loving of ourselves that will support and guide our children not behaviour management.
It makes sense that each child may need quite different parenting as they come into this life with a different set of behaviours, strengths, and weaknesses so to speak, each their own person. A blanket approach would not work. Usually parenting is seen as something we “do”, but what you are sharing Nicole is it comes from your ability to first be with you in your own inner connection, and in the activity of self love, which is your foundation then for staying connected to the children and having a true understanding of their needs.
“Even though each child is different, there is a level of consistency that each child needs to feel from us as parents.” From reading what you share Nicole, and from being a fellow student of The Way of the Livingness, has presented by Serge Benhayon, I would also extend that statement and that the world needs a level of consistency from humanity – we get so thrown about how different people are in this world – those that are ‘good’ and those that are ‘bad’. If we learnt to bring consistency to ourselves and up our self-care and self-love, the world would feel much more settled.
We live in a world saturated with ‘screens’ and thus bombarded by the many images and messages we are fed through them. And while not all of these necessarily have an adverse effect on us, rarely do we have anything that truly supports our return to Soul. This means for the most part we are letting our children be raised by another, and that other being a media that is not based on a strong foundation of shared values that support the child to just be themselves, but more so is based on the demand of those turning the device on. So it follows that if the name of the game is ‘distraction’ and ‘time out’, then we will be fed all that satisfies this need and not much else.
On a personal note – we also noticed that after watching even a half hour of seemingly innocent children’s programs on TV our daughter was grumpy and irritable, so when we moved house we just never unpacked the TV. What I have noticed now is our two young daughters are much more engaged with life and spend their time playing with each other, drawing, exploring and generally just chit chatting their way through the day. It is a blessing to watch how settled they are when not being imposed upon by a screen and a parent looking for a quick fix. We still have our moments of discord but the overall harmony in the house is such that I would never trade this foundation for any other. Human connection is the key. Connection via the media is what we go for when we are lacking this.
I agree with everything you wrote Liane and also the last part: Human connection is the key. Connection via the media is what we go for when we are lacking this. We have so many ways that seem absolutely innocent to dull our awareness but in the end it ingrains behaviour and get us addicted to not feeling how we truly feel.
Beautifully expressed Liane – this brings another angle to children watching TV – a reality check to bring an awareness of this fact that it is basically handing a child over to be brought up by another.
“This means for the most part we are letting our children be raised by another, and that other being a media that is not based on a strong foundation of shared values that support the child to just be themselves, but more so is based on the demand of those turning the device on”.
Kids are generally full of energy, questions, random ideas and creativity, but treating them at any point as an ‘inconvenience’ can impact their enthusiasm and love of life for days, months or even years thereafter. We can’t ride off children as being a ‘nuisance’, full stop. Would we treat a friend, colleague or boss the same if they were presenting something to us?
You make a valid point here Susie, as there is a tendency to dismiss what a child says as unimportant because it has come from a child – I know because I have had it done to me, and I have done it to my children when they were little, and most likely my parents would have experienced the same thing from their parents. This just feeds into the practice of keeping children as less and undervalued.
This is so lovely Nicole, you can really feel the quality of presence you offer to your children and family and it feels fully supportive and a true way of bringing up and being of service to children, and offering to them a beautiful reflection of how self care and trusting in yourself, builds a solid foundation from which to work from in life.
I agree there is something really magical and beautifull in what Nicole has shared and with how she parents. It is holding yet unimposing, learning and being a role model all at the same time plus so much more. Truly lovely.
“I see myself as their guardian until such point in time that they are old enough to make their own choices.” Beautifully expressed Nicole. And if we ourselves live a true life up to that point (and offer a reflection of how life can be lived) the chances the choices they then make will support them rather than harm them
Nicole, I totally agree with the TV thing it can cause an unbelievable change in children, it just shows what energy is coming at us if we choose to be unaware.
I agree Kevin. I once heard the TV described as a “spiritual sewer running through your home”. Children soak up all that is around them their awareness is very astute. Parenting them with a consistent quality provides them with a stable foundation that they can refer back to confirm their own experience. The whole point of the TV is to rouse emotion and stimulate the senses and hence it can never provide the consistency and true benchmark that every kid needs.
So true Kevin. And then when we think about the amount of people watching TV day in and day out, that’s a huge amount of people being totally affected by what could be perceived as a harmless activity. In the world of energy, TV is a medium through which energy enters our households. Something we could all learn much more about.
We think that there’s 7 billion of us on this planet all running around like ants, basically all ‘average’ and pretty much the same. Yes there is a link we all share but what stuns me when you meet people every day is the incredible uniqueness of each of us. No matter where I have gone, no matter who I have seen, I have never met anyone quite like you before. We each have a particular configuration and flavour to bring – like 7 billion masterpieces in the gallery of life we each deserved to be appreciated for the quality of beauty and light we bring. So as you say Nicole no wonder for children and adults alike hard and fast rules and dictations don’t work. The only consistency that we need is true connection, this underpins and supports everything.
Beautifully said Joseph. We constantly get the message in life that others want to ‘put us in a box’ or label us in some way and we are taught to do the same. This need to categorise things comes from a place of protection, control and disconnection. When we are connected to our essence there is nothing but love, responsibility and purpose and this is Universal.
So well said Joseph and just the thought of us all as.. ‘7 billion masterpieces…the quality of beauty and light we bring’ brings a greater depth of understanding to the fact that we are all pieces of the one puzzle that fit together in a symphony of love and harmony when we are living true to ourselves – in connection as Nicole so well described. Yes this is responsibility, to live true to the light that you are, but immeasurable is the joy that this could only ever equate to.
Amazing Joseph, I love the wisdom you bring and your appreciation. The way you write is absolutely gorgeous and deeply inspiring. It is through appreciation that makes parenting, relationships and everything in life a joy. With appreciation opportunities open up and we get to see the true depth of life and what is around us. Appreciation is medicine for life.
“No matter where I have gone, no matter who I have seen, I have never met anyone quite like you before.,,,,,, like 7 billion masterpieces in the gallery of life,,,,,” Gorgeous, so eloquently expressing the uniqueness of each and every person.
I couldn’t agree with you more Joseph, “true connection’ is the jewel in the crown. A transformative gemstone that has the absolute potential to return life to its former glory.
And what we are constantly feeding can either heal or harm the shine of the precious gem!