Recently I attended my Nonna’s (grandmother’s) funeral. Nonna was such a constant person in my life. We shared a close and playful relationship. I saw her nearly every weekend and it was wonderful to spend so much time with her. Nonna had always been a fit, active and strong woman, but from the age of 88 I could sense that she was slowing down.
Nonna died one week before she reached 90 years, after falling and breaking her hip. I got to see her while she was in hospital and express how I felt about her. This was not something new for me as every time I was with Nonna I would express my love for her: Nonna knew without a doubt that I loved her and that she was a very special person to me.
When Nonna died I thought I would feel overwhelmingly sad. I had never experienced the death of someone so close to me and I had this belief that the amount of sadness I felt would equate to how much I loved the person. I felt much love for the woman I had spent so much time with and a true acceptance of the choices my Nonna had made in her life and that this life for her had ended.
I felt a deep appreciation for the relationship we had, and that I had always expressed my love for her. There was much sadness around me, which is understandable, and much talk about how the funeral would be difficult and very sad. I did begin to wonder how I would feel at the funeral; would this be the time that I would be sad, would I be overcome with emotion?
Coming from an Italian background, I had attended many Italian funerals and these experiences had shown me that extreme emotion was involved: there might be wailing, there would definitely be a lot of tears and people wearing black clothing. It was like swimming in a sea of heavy emotion. In the past I had reacted to this intensity by feeling overwhelmed.
As I pondered on how attending Nonna’s funeral might be, I realised that the only thing I could do on the day was to accept what I and everyone around me was feeling.
I also realised that in the lead up to the funeral I could choose to live in a way that supported me to deeply care for and nurture myself.
Living this way was not new to me as for a few years I have been developing a deeply caring relationship with myself. As a result, I was open to listening to my body and how I was feeling and then open to making more loving choices to support me to continue to feel well and vital. During the week before the funeral I chose to deepen this loving way more consistently.
I brought my presence to every moment, which simply means when I was doing something my mind and body were together.
- Each time I made my bed, I brought all my attention to the task at hand. I did not allow wandering thoughts as I lovingly smoothed out the sheets and doona and tenderly placed the pillows. I focused on the way my body felt as I moved with this presence.
During the week I did not override my body and what it was feeling, I listened and made loving choices in response to it.
- If I was tired I would lie down and have a rest; I chose not to push through and ‘just get on with things’
- I ensured I went to bed early every night so I would feel rejuvenated in the morning
- If I had an emotional conversation with a family member I would sit afterwards and ask myself tenderly “how am I feeling”. I would take the time to support me by simply reflecting or having an honest discussion with my husband or a close friend. I did not override how I felt, I simply honoured what was there and gave myself space to be with it.
I felt how simple it was to live this way and how every moment was building on the next, nothing felt separate or disconnected. Every moment that I chose to be loving supported me to keep making more loving choices for myself. I was in constant appreciation of the choices I was making.
All week I took deeply loving care of myself, not just for myself, but for others. I ate foods that were supportive, spoke gently to myself and my family and walked every day. My daily walks were such an amazing support…the fresh air, feeling the sunshine on my skin and watching the birds dance through the sky brought a feeling of harmony to my body that was very soothing. There was no perfection, only a loving dedication and commitment.
On the day of attending the funeral I felt tender and very present because of the loving care I had chosen over the last week. There was a strength that came from honouring what I was feeling within with a steadiness and a surety that I had not felt on such a deep level.
When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all, even though I could feel the heavy sadness and grief that was present.
As I stood at the altar and expressed the love I felt for Nonna and shared stories of our connection, I felt my expression come from a place deep within and I felt truly connected to all. People dried their eyes and laughed at the cheeky stories I told of Nonna, remembering the woman she truly was. It felt like my expression washed away the heaviness and brought clarity and space to all.
Afterwards, family and friends expressed such loving appreciation for my expression… one person genuinely thanked me for the eulogy and said it had made her day because it supported her to stop feeling overwhelming sadness and focus on the loving connection that she also had with my Nonna.
As I drove home that evening with my husband I reflected on the funeral and the connection we felt with everyone. It had been such a beautiful day. There was such openness, love and acceptance from all who were present.
Attending my Nonna’s funeral was different to any funeral I had ever attended. My deeply caring and loving choices leading up to the funeral allowed me to stay open and present all day and to express without reservation. I felt much love for all, and the connection I felt with people had made the funeral a truly special day.
I am deeply inspired by Serge Benhayon’s love for humanity and the presentations of Universal Medicine that have supported me to re-connect to the love within me and re-develop my innate awareness. Without this re-connection I would not be living the joy-full, loving life I live today.
By Bianca, Melbourne, Australia
Funerals are great places to get together and to feel the bigger picture, the part we play and the eternity of our soul.
Thank God for Serge Benhayon, thats all I can say, I used to think the absolute worst of death, funerals and dying. Now i see it as the true celebration it can be and part of God’s loving cycle.
This is beautiful, deeply inspiring.
Thank you for sharing Bianca
Bianca what I really love about what you have shared is that I got to actually feel what you brought to the funeral through reading your words, which really does prove that ‘everything is energy’. I got to feel the love, brotherhood, truth and honesty that your living way brought, so very beautiful to feel.
The quality of our living is the loving foundation that supports us in every situation of life.
Beautiful confirmation that our loving choices support us and others to remain steady whatever is going on around us.
When we have expressed the depth of love we have for another we have no regrets in their passing, as we feel complete and nothing can change this fact unless doubt slips in.
So would it not be a great way of treating everyone with an interaction that tells them how much you Love and appreciate them in your Life then we would always feel complete in every interaction and thus no regrets at another passing.
Celebrating a life rather than mourning a death.
“When Nonna died I thought I would feel overwhelmingly sad. I had never experienced the death of someone so close to me and I had this belief that the amount of sadness I felt would equate to how much I loved the person.” I wonder if the key to this is like you mentioned a few paragraphs before – to constantly express how much we love someone so that every moment is lived to the max and there is no room for regret or wishful thinking.
What I find interesting about funerals is that no one wants to talk about them until someone is dead even then we skirt around the edges in case it is like thin ice and we could fall in if we get too close!
It’s lovely to read how the love you gave yourself during what can be a stressful time supported you and proved that no matter what things we have to face we can be prepared and held.
The human aspect of us places absolutely everything on a scale ranging from tragedy to jubilation but there is no such scale in Heaven, our soul simply sees everything as Life.
Lovely to read about the support you chose to bring into your life at this time, ‘I also realised that in the lead up to the funeral I could choose to live in a way that supported me to deeply care for and nurture myself.’
It is beautiful and inspiring to read about the constant appreciation that you expressed. This shows what a loving and open person you are, so willing to show your love.
Often when the death of a close relative is imminent, our self-care goes out of the window. We grab a bite here and there without much thought of the support this food is going to provide and then we spend hours travelling to the hospital on very little sleep due to worry. Having supportive measures in place constantly would support us in whatever life has in store for us.
While situations around us can be momentous we don’t need to let them dictate how we feel. We have a choice to stay connected to our joy no matter what occurs.
Inspiring to read how the choices you made supported you to hold steady and not get lost in the emotion, which then supported everyone else at the funeral too.. this is how life is.. the choices we make support ourselves to either hold steady, and commit to life and not withdraw, or not – and that then has a ripple effect on everyone else around us.
Yes too true Bryony, and if we let emotion in it ruins everything,
Bianca this is an inspiring blog to read – I love how you prepared for the funeral with the grace of listening to your body, resting when needed and to simply allow yourself to be present with whatever feelings arose at any time.
A powerful way for embracing everyday life with too – open and present with yourself and thus able to be open and present with all..
“When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all, even though I could feel the heavy sadness and grief that was present”.
I have always found that people tend to be more vulnerable and open at funerals than they do in other areas of life. Death is a great truth bringer.
“When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me,”. I know these words you share were specifically from that moment in time but it is so clear reading them this is how we could be in any situation in our lives, in every moment in fact. And as every choice we make is always with us with the ripples from these choices flowing on out to where we walk and who we connect to, so is the energy we move in our responsibility.
So beautiful Bianca what you have shared and in deeply honouring your self and what you were feeling, choosing to deepen your own love and building on it each moment by the loving choices you made which developed a greater love for all others who were present on that day.
Simply the choice of choosing to be present and connected to your body with everything you do is so honouring of yourself, ‘I brought my presence to every moment, which simply means when I was doing something my mind and body were together.’
“People dried their eyes and laughed at the cheeky stories I told of Nonna, remembering the woman she truly was. It felt like my expression washed away the heaviness and brought clarity and space to all.”
We can all learn so much in life from our birth to our eventual demise or passing-over and how we live in-between so what we are eventually living has a true responsibility – then we can pass-over with the lived integrity of being as Loving as possible. When we do this is it not our good karma that we have allowed to be a way of living so we reincarnate with this karma that will bring a deeper level of Love in that incarnation?
When we get an understanding of how our cycles and life works and forget about genetics but live with the understanding we can help our-family-of-loved-ones who have either passed or alive by how we are living and this is True inheritance that is passed on.
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I had a similar experience with my Grandfather’s funeral, I had to do a eulogy and when I focused on what had gone the sadness came in, when I focused on his essence and what he lived and the man I was blessed to have in my life, there was a joy in this and it was this that I shared and celebrated and these qualities in him that everyone else could connect to too.
‘ I did not override how I felt, I simply honoured what was there and gave myself space to be with it.’ A beautiful way to be with ourselves allowing for each moment to complete.
Irrespective of where we are, whether at a funeral, in a church etc if we bring all of us to that situation then love is there.
What I appreciate here is how you always expressed in full to your Nonna how you felt your love for her. So when she came to passing over, it didn’t feel like nothing was unsaid. This is such a shift from the norm where we don’t express in full and replace this with emotions down the line. A beautiful reflection that it is about the quality of our relationships that truly counts.
What you describe Bianca applies to all of life. Imagine we expressed with our whole heart and just allowed how we and others felt, appreciated our connection but didn’t absorb emotions back. This sounds like a great way to lead our life. What we should bury are the investments and secrecy which kills our joy so seriously.
No matter what the situation is its great that we bring love to it, I was surprised how when my grandma died whilst it was a loss I felt such joy at the same time.
Light and space can be brought to every occasion and that includes funerals and everybody deeply appreciates it when someone is able to lift the usual heaviness and somber atmosphere. It is only when we think that the physical death is final that this heaviness arises and the sooner mankind wakes up to the truth of reincarnation and the fact that it is a law of love, the better for all of us.
Sadness, loss, torment, bereavement, lamenting, agonising and heartache are all things that the human being has conjured up, none of these things exist in truth and one day they won’t be part of our lives, even whilst we’re still in human form here on earth.
When we express with another and feel totally complete, which is the love we have expressed then as you have Bianca, we have no regrets but a deep understanding that the person is still held in the love that we have shared. So when they return they will seek that level of love without question.
A beautiful testament of how the quality of our everyday living is the quality in which our future is lived. As what ever quality it is that we are choosing to live with everyday, it is this quality that is with us, that we have fostered, in the future, near or distant.
This is a brilliant example of how all our movements count, I’m just beginning to really see that I can’t treat work life and home life differently and that how I am at home directly affects how I am at work, how I go to bed affects how I wake up. One moment always leads to the next and while it sometimes seems like we can cheat a moment and skip to the next it always catches up with us – so what we choose now is essentially the best possible way we can prepare for the future.
Awesome reflection of how the loving movements you chose in the lead up to the funeral supported not just you but everyone else there to truly appreciate your Nonna and lift the emotional cloud that so often descends on these occasions.
Emotion breeds emotion, it’s contagious and spreads like wildfire but the light of the soul has a cooling clarity to it that cuts through emotion and lays it to rest.
This is brilliant because it shows that it’s not the actual event that counts but the steps we make beforehand that determine how everything will play out, as you say all our choices are with us in the moments that truly count.
” I reflected on the funeral and the connection we felt with everyone. It had been such a beautiful day ”
Its a bit funny reading this , saying a funeral was beautiful day , but it can be that way as every act of living can be loving and joyful, physical death is part of the living.
A beautiful wise reflection. It just goes to show when we are going through a deeply emotional time how deeply taking care and nurturing yourself can support you going through it and bring you confidence for the next event. Keeping it simple – “There was no perfection, only a loving dedication and commitment.”
“All week I took deeply loving care of myself, not just for myself, but for others.” Yes it is with purpose that these choices become super important knowing that a consistent loving foundation will supports us to bring love to all.
This is a beautiful sharing as it shows the two choices you can make. One to go into the sadness of it all, or the other, to go to the love and focus on this. In the past I have been to a funeral and the sadness I felt was because of the lost opportunities, and how I had held back my love for someone. As you hadn’t done this with your Nonna, you were able to hold the love that was expressed.
‘When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all, even though I could feel the heavy sadness and grief that was present.’ It’s like we have a love bank and we are adding to it all the time that we stay loving in our day, in the way we move, the way we talk , the way we do every little thing. On occasions like this one of your Nonna’s funeral we are then supported by the love bank we have created for ourselves and more love flows in the world and a greater appreciation for life is born.
“When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all, even though I could feel the heavy sadness and grief that was present.” . . . this is so beautifully inspiring Bianca. It is an invaluable tip to living life and particularly supportive in times when we are surrounded by deep sadness or loads of stress.
What a beautiful example of how the loving care we bring to ourselves not only supports us at times like this but also the others around us. I can feel how the loving preparation you chose to make helped to build such a steady foundation that it supported all who attended your grandmother’s funeral and allowed the day to be one of celebration of her life not one of overwhelming grief and sadness. A true living recipe not only for preparing for a funeral but for every event in our lives
It’s time we approached death with a fresh perspective, it’s such an amazing opportunity for everyone involved, especially the person going through that period of their life.
When our mind and body are in unity and alignment, our thoughts remain present with the present moment – and in this connection and clarity we can indeed wash away the heaviness of emotions that all too easily can both oppress and control us.
I love the fact that all your loving choices during the week supported you to be totally present at the funeral and this allowed you to lighten up the moment. The loving way that you spoke and felt about your Nonna broke the heaviness. “When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all, even though I could feel the heavy sadness and grief that was present. Your love Bianca is deeply felt.
‘On the day of attending the funeral I felt tender and very present because of the loving care I had chosen over the last week. There was a strength that came from honouring what I was feeling within with a steadiness and a surety that I had not felt on such a deep level.’ Such a lovely confirmation of the consequence of our loving care towards ourselves on a deeper level than we normally have. If we continue this deepening and honouring of how we feel just imagine how steady and strong and powerful we could become
‘When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all, even though I could feel the heavy sadness and grief that was present.’ All these choices made you were able to observe and to read the energy in the church. It shows that how each moment is the preparation of the next. The quality in our movements will determine our expression. Beautiful to re read this blog.
What I love about this blog is how the author took the time to say what she felt to her Grandmother, instead of holding back and then having regret afterwards. Also how she cared for herself prior to the funeral, which you can clearly feel supported her and changed the whole energy of the funeral, and hence supporting others.
This highlights so powerfully how the quality of life we choose to live in this moment is what delivers that quality of life we live in the future. In other words, you have illustrated so beautiful how we live our future today, and how vital it is to develop a loving relationship with our bodies so that our being can express in full the quality of our essence, the love we are, bringing our lightness to every given moment.
What a gorgeous inspiring story about how deeply taking care of ourselves makes a difference to the quality of our experience and our expression. And fabulous examples of ways we could be taking care of ourselves. Thank you.
The clarity and presence with which you cared for yourself that week is a magnificent reflection on what we can bring to ourselves when we sincerely desire to be with ourselves. It is an inspiration that can be adopted at any time.
Having openly shared your expression of love with your grandmother there were no regrets of the ‘if onlys’ when she passed. The love you shared will always be with you.
For me there is a sense of completion when someone passes and it has been a loving connection and appreciation has been fully expressed. Yes there can be sadness but overall the love shared is what’s important and is what stays with you.
By accepting what is happening around us and not letting ourselves get affected by it we stay steady and are able to be love, allowing others the possibility of the same.
” When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all, even though I could feel the heavy sadness and grief that was present. ” Thank you Bianca for sharing such an inspiring and beautiful experience. Sharing the love you had experienced with your self and your Nona at the funeral was a divine gift for all present.
Bianca I loved reading your blog especially ‘I realised that the only thing I could on the day was to accept what I and everyone around me was feeling’. We are too busy getting caught in the emotions of a funeral, and what you shared was just allowing what was to be in that moment for you and everyone else around.
I like the support you honoured yourself to the lead up to the funeral, I wished I had read this blog last October prior to attending a very close family member’s funeral, it would have helped me as well.
Funeral’s are a time to celebrate those moments we were given to share with that person no matter how long they had lived their life. Thank you Bianca a truely inspirational blog
” My deeply caring and loving choices leading up to the funeral allowed me to stay open and present all day and to express without reservation. I felt much love for all, and the connection I felt with people had made the funeral a truly special day.” This is beautiful to read Bianca. Celebrating someone’s life can make them wonderful occasions. But why do we wait until someone dies to do this? If such celebrations were held before death, then they could enjoy them too!
I enjoyed reading your account of how gentle and tender you were with yourself in the lead up to your nonna’s funeral. Funerals can be a beautiful celebration of a person’s life, without all the heavy sometimes draining emotion. It’s funny the ideas we have around death and funerals. As a young teenager I used to think it was rude to laugh or seem like I was having fun at someone’s funeral. I think part of that was because death is so seldom talked about, it was a taboo subject and I was unsure how to be.
Funerals are usually an emotional situation and what you have shared Bianca is so inspiring.
That we can re-imprint a ritual embedded for generations is indicative of the depth of connection that is now possible.
It is actually possible, as Bianca writes, to re-imprint funerals and this does have far-reaching effects… and of course this is most definitely needed, to bring a whole different reflection to this ritual which, for most, can be devastating, but, if one brings a deeper wisdom, can be a point of deep reflection and connection for all.
The tenderness in this blog is a reflection of the tender way that you cared for yourself in the days leading up to the funeral which meant that all those choices were with you and supported you to deliver a heartfelt eulogy and supported others to connect with your grandmother and their love for her and not get lost in the heaviness of the emotions swirling around. Thank you for sharing this feels like a true celebration of life and relationships.
Thank you for sharing that there is another way to be around death and dying and this can be to celebrate the person rather than grieve – but as you have shared here – this celebration starts with an everyday appreciation rather than a missing or regret of the person. So for me this says be your full self with everyone, everyday, and we don’t need to grieve or miss others because we bring all of us all of the time and each moment with others is full and complete.
Bianca, you can clearly feel the love and honouring of yourself in your writing and how your loving preparation enabled the connection and healing you held for all at your Nona’s funeral. Being of Italian decent I can appreciate the emotionalism that is often expressed at these funerals. It is powerful when we hold such a loving reflection and instead of being swamped by emotions we can feel the joy and truth of a loved ones passing. Truly inspiring, and a beautiful confirmation of how we can live everyday.
‘It felt like my expression washed away the heaviness and brought clarity and space to all.’ Your loving preparation the days before the funeral gave everyone a healing and the opportunity to celebrate the life of your Nonna instead. This is deeply to appreciate, it is a new imprint of how a funeral can be, to allow the feelings of sadness but not get overwhelmed because life and the connection is there to be truly celebrated when someone has passed over.
What a beautiful example of how when we are super loving with ourselves that whatever we do next comes with all that love and care, as with you Bianca: “When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all, even though I could feel the heavy sadness and grief that was present.” This is not only the most supportive ‘prescription’ for preparing for a funeral but also for anything and everything that we do, in fact, for life. Taking care of us in a loving and respectful way not only has amazing consequences for us, but for all those around us.
Funerals can be fun, funerals can be a celebration, I love the lightness and love you brought to this situation – a blessing for all.
” It felt like my expression washed away the heaviness and brought clarity and space to all.” This is beautiful to re-read Bianca. ‘Expression is everything’ – as a very wise man has presented to us.
The connections we share with eachother are what counts. This is what this blog tells me, that our physical bodies may come and go, but ultimately it is the shared experiences of loving intent that we have with each other that makes life all that it is and all that it will ever be.
Wow – I LOVE this blog Bianca, I think you have pretty much described the key to being able to handle anything in life: make this moment count and take all the care that is needed for it, and that sets up the future to be that same quality you are claiming now.
Thank you Bianca, very inspiring reading about the practical ways you brought love into your everyday choices, and how this supported you to deal with your Nonna’s funeral. Someone recently shared with me that in our experience of death we can either be attached to the loss or stay connected to the love that was shared with the person. Your blog expressed this difference clearly.
Recently I went to a funeral of a work colleague and feeling the sadness others were in, I reminded myself how much she had laughed about life, and by not going into any form of sympathy it was easy to appreciate that she had reached another cycle of life which is something to be celebrated, and not to be sad about.
Bianca the way you describe the extra care in how you lived up until the funeral is beautiful, it shows the fact we know how to take care of ourselves. What comes to mind as well is how I know this and yet I don’t make every day of equal importance, for if I treated every day with the love and care to the detail I know I can choose, then life could be quite different.
The quality of our relationships is so important to us all, even though many do not acknowledge this at the time, ‘I felt a deep appreciation for the relationship we had, and that I had always expressed my love for her.’ And this starts with our quality of relationship we have with self as you share in this blog Bianca.
It’s beautiful to have a sense of what it takes to still ‘grieve’ the loss of a close loved one, but not be overwhelmed by emotion, nor to incite and endorse others emotions but also to not dismiss your own or theirs in any way also. Having attended a couple of very heavy and emotional funerals in my life, this is a breath of fresh air. The idea of celebrating a life is far more appealing, and pertinent as I see it, than being weighed down with sadness for the loss.
Thank you Bianca for sharing how very powerful we are and how deeply we can support ourselves with every choice we make.
It may seem like a Dichotomy… Attending a funeral of someone you loved and not experiencing emotion… This comes back to one of the more dysfunctional paradigms in our society, the lack of understanding about the difference between emotion and feelings. It is this misunderstanding that contributes so enormously to the overloaded health systems in our modern societies.
I feel that as you shared and expressed your love with your grandmother during her life you were not overwhelmed by the regrets of all you might have said. This foundation of expressing love supported you in expressing the love you, and others, felt about her at the funeral.
It was stunning to read of how when you walked into the church you were not alone for all the loving choices you had made that week were with you…. Reading how you were with yourself and others from there in shows the absolute power of those choices.
Our choices are incredibly powerful, they have the power to literally sculpt our lives.
I like this notion of simply accepting what you are feeling when you are feeling it. There is a fear in me sometimes to allow such emotions to happen because I do not want to indulge in them. But I realise that suppressing them is just as bad. So I like this word acceptance, it seems to allow for the space we all need to feel and to heal.
What a difference recognizing that losing a loved one from our lives need not be overwhelmingly sad. We miss their physical presence and the joy in seeing them and spending time together, but we know we all need to move on from this Earth plane, and just by being love and sharing that love makes a huge difference to all.
‘But we know we all need to move on from this Earth plane’ and we also know that we’ll all be back.
Self care is a pivotal part of our everyday. When we build a foundation that is consistent over time we are then able to bring the level of steadiness and support required to be there for family and friends when attending or being part of the funeral ceremony.
Beautifully expressed Bianca, the way you prepared yourself in such a loving and honouring way before the funeral was very inspiring to read. When we take this level of care and dedication in life it supports us to deal with anything in life without getting caught up in others emotions or reactions – this steadiness is then deeply felt by others and supports them to make more true choices.
I recently heard someone referring to dying as the death cycle. This to me makes it sound so much more part of life. From my experiences so far with those who are in this cycle, I am learning that this is a very magical and equally valuable part of life that is often not seen for all that it offers. This is not just in relation to the person that is going through this cycle, but to all those they are connected to as the learning and wisdom that can be shared is profound and life-changing – regardless of our age or phase of life.
That’s true, if you think about death as a cycle rather than a sudden end, it’s a simple, natural part of life and it’s a great part of life that we can all learn a lot from.
Reading this it is easy to feel the close relationship the author had with her grandmother and what stood out was how they had developed a relationship where they appreciated each other and expressed how they felt about each other – there is often regret when someone passes because we hold back on expressing to the people in our lives how much they enrich our lives and when they are gone it seems easier to then see how precious they are to us.
A real testament to the true benefits to be derived from a commitment and dedication to making self-loving choices as consistently as possible and to the true expression that is available to us when we continue to do this over time.
Thank you Bianca for sharing such a beautiful story of how deepening your loving connection consistently with yourself leading up to the funeral, and how the effects of your tender loving care were brought through to those attending the funeral. A beautiful reflection for all lifting them out of their emotional heaviness.
Thank you Bianca for this beauty and deeply inspiring blog. I could feel the love you live and shared with your Nonna and people around you. How you chose to live and be with yourself the week before your Nonna’s funeral was hugely supportive not only for you but for everyone at the funeral. If we were all to choose to live deeply connected to ourselves and others in this way, to be love no matter what may be coming up for us and be willing to choose it consistently, the effects will be evolutionary and deeply healing. You have shared with us how powerful this way of living is and this inspires us to choose it every day too.
Having recently been to a funeral I was able to stand strong in love and not waver in the heavy emotions that were all around me. I felt joy for the lady who passed on as she was ready to go. When we know reincarnation is true and we will be back to re-learn anything we didn’t in this life it is easier to let go off any attachment and instead celebrate the life lived.
Bianca thanks so much for showing another way to be part of a farewell ceremony for a loved one. Many times funeral are sad and grieving events that are layered with an emotional blanket of grief for all those attending. Thank you so much for showing there is another way.
Serge Benhayon’s Love for humanity literally holds the whole of humanity with no borders and no boundaries and is there to support all of us into the transition out of the small self into the arms of our souls and that everlasting connection with the divine.
Bianca with so many of us fearful about death and passing over my experiences of funerals has been one of great sadness. Yet what was lovely in your sharing is this part “As I drove home that evening with my husband I reflected on the funeral and the connection we felt with everyone. It had been such a beautiful day. There was such openness, love and acceptance from all who were present.” It shows that the way we are and our approach to a funeral can be one of celebration and appreciation. After all its another moment in our cycle of evolution. Thank you for sharing and showing the difference we make my choosing to be loving with ourselves no matter what is going on.
So beautiful to read Bianca, the amazing loving experience you had at the funeral if your Nonna, it was so inspiring, the power of consistently living self love and care through the week , the beautiful reflection you gave to all who attended.
How awesome to offer this reflection to others inspiring them to focus on the loving connection they had with your Nonna rather then focusing on the overwhelming sadness and despair that can often come at funerals.
I agree Elizabeth. Bianca’s deep love, care and appreciation of herself can be felt in her words as you read her blog. Its very beautiful.
A beautiful blog that has been exquisitely expressed Bianca. I just loved how you shared how important caring for ourselves no matter what is happening around us in life is not only vital for our own well being but also has a significant ripple effect on others.
It is so beautiful Bianca, as you have shown to everybody at the funeral that it is that more fun and more real to celebrate your Nonna, instead to participate in the commonly held emotional overwhelm in which we cannot feel ourselves anymore. In your preparation what stroked me was the line “I felt how simple it was to live this way and how every moment was building on the next, nothing felt separate or disconnected.” That to me is key to a way of living in which we build our re-connection with ourselves and with the all that we are connected to. The all that supports us in everything we do and the all that we already know but have forgotten about because we have walked away from it long time ago.
One of the greatest regrets people have as they are about to pass on is that they did not express themselves enough … we can start right now by expressing appreciation for those around us, wherever and whenever we can.
What you share here Chris is so true which is allowing me to consider that perhaps the grief that we feel could sometimes actually be the accumulation of all of these regrets lumped together?
There is no one in my life that would not know how I felt about them if they died right now and that is hugely important to me.
Beautifully shared Bianca.
To have had the wisdom to nurture yourself through the week before the Funeral of your Nona certainly was the loving thing to do for yourself and enabled you to be there as a steady support for your family and others. I have had varying experiences at family funerals but the more I know of the experience of the Soul leaving the body and reincarnation the more joyful and prepared I have been! Thanks to the teachings of Serge Benhayon and the Ancient Wisdom.
The fact the presentations from Universal Medicine and also Serge Benhayon’s compassionate Love for humanity has enabled you to be so aware, loving and understanding with yourself and others Bianca, is a testament to the healing that this Work brings, IF it is lived.
Thank you Bianca, I have been to so many funerals in my life and they are all so different. I thought the process of sadness and death was restricted to humans but my dog died recently and I was struck by how much sadness I felt. I missed her physical presence so much but most of all I feel this ache came because I didn’t appreciate all she brought to us as a family. Don’t get me wrong she was a very loved, snuggled and appreciated dog but when she was gone there was so much I realised she did that we hadn’t appreciated. It surprised me. To this day I try to appreciate her and what she brought to us and try to live that ourselves in honour of her gift to us.
That’s also beautiful Sue, that by taking care of yourself also and living in a supportive way you were able to remain still, clear and strong at your mother’s funeral. I am sure that just by being yourself you offered much to your family at that time.
So beautiful and gently powerful to read Bianca, a loving reflection to all that day, by your preparation during the week to be tender and very present with yourself and everyone. I am feeling more and more how important preparation really is, and the difference it makes to our interactions.
I love the way that your expression at the funeral helped to turn people around from feeling overwhelmed with grief to appreciating their connection with Nonna. A beautiful example of how if we take loving care of ourselves we are then able to help and inspire others.
Yes agreed Rebecca, everyone at that funeral got a blessing because of the love and appreciation that Bianca was holding herself in.
“When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me,” Awesome Bianca. This is so supportive to read for any situation in life. But how you supported yourself on this event, to move away from the distraction of emotion is remarkable. You also brought this as an opportunity for all others to also make this choice. Your reflection is deeply felt by the universe.
I can feel from reading your blog the love that was reflected from your Nonna that you expressed so beautifully, Thank you for that Bianca.
So beautiful how you prepared yourself with being so gentle and self loving in your choices. I have always felt that funerals were a celebration of life and in your words “It felt like my expression washed away the heaviness and brought clarity and space to all”. At most funerals that I have attended the air was very heavy with emotion and sadness. It takes just one shining light to make huge changes for all to feel. A beautiful sharing Bianca thank you.
Such a great reminder Monica – “it’s about that care we take in the build-up and not just the event, our world is so results focused we often forget that it’s the care along the journey that’s vital, we can’t just switch it on and off like a tap, it’s the momentum and build-up of care that truly supports us”. Thank you.
Bianca I loved how you chafed the depth of care you took in preparing for the funeral. This level of dedication and support that you gave yourself was given to all those that attended the funeral. Setting up this solid foundation helped you share the loving playful memories of your Nonna and gave others the choice to move from a feeling of emotional overwhelm to light heartededness. What a great celebration of your dear Nonna.
Absolutely nb – had Nonna been there she would have been so joyful that her life was truly felt and celebrated rather than a gathering of people who were caught up in deep emotion, unable to reflect on the joy this lady had brought to the world. It moves us totally from self and shows up how grief is about the loss for the self. A blessing all round.
Bianca this was truly beautiful to read. The way you committed to deepening the caring and nurturing relationship you had established for yourself and how this supported you to appreciate yourself and the loving choices you were making, is just so inspiring….. and clearly deeply healing for all who heard and felt your strength in connection and love on the day. What a rare and amazing reflection to offer at a funeral.
Very inspirational to read of the care you gave in preparation for the funeral Bianca, and even more inspiring was the effect this had on everyone attending – of transforming an event which can be heavy with emotion to something of deep appreciation, lightness and joy…what a gift each person will have walked away with.
Well said Paula, by clearing the grief laden emotional clouds that hover intensely over the profound loss people feel when their loved ones pass over this allows us to feel the true lightness, joy and appreciation of what that person brought to our life. I totally agree, this is definitely a gift for all.
Bianca, I want to thank you also for all you have bought for me to feel through the sharing of your Nonna’s funeral. Tears began to well and spill over for me as you described your relationship in the opening paragraph, yet further I found myself smiling, picturing the funeral itself with you standing before all the people in attendance. What was felt was not only the deep connection in love you and your Nonna shared but also the commitment to the love you are yourself, truly inspiring and supportive to connect to.
Serge Benhayon has such a love for humanity, as Bianca says, and this love is relentless, absolutely non-judgemental, and will continue to hold us all as we develop the strength and wisdom to make our own choices to reconnect with our true and inner divine nature.
Hear, hear Chris! Serge Benhayon is an amazing reflection of the love that we all innately are. His unwavering commitment to being absolute love and truth is so very inspiring.
Yes Chris James the love that is felt and witnessed from Serge Benhayon is unwavering and holds us all in not an ounce of judgement.
What beautiful choices you made for yourself Bianca. In deeply honouring yourself and your needs leading up to, and during the funeral, you deeply and beautifully also honoured your Nonna.
This is a great blog, and great sharing of how you supported yourself in a challenging situation, Funerals are intense as even if you don’t feel sadness for the person who has passed over you still need to deal with the intense emotions of others, your commitment to you and to express from your body brought healing to everybody present at the funeral and that just shows that funerals need not be a somber experience but a celebration for all.
When we express our love for someone who is close to us then we do not lose that connection to them even when their physical presence is no longer with us; the love and connection you have becomes part of who you are that you share with others.
Thank you Bianca, I have just re read your article, and deeply appreciate what you have shared in the way of deepening the self care . Then to read…”Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all”… This is priceless, as it shows how the body truly ‘feeds you back’ the quality of love that you have honoured it with. What great support the body can provide back.
Bianca, very inspiring to read, how much you nurtured yourself before the actual funeral took place. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Bianca, i have just reread your blog as i am about to experience something similar and appreciate the level of responsibility, care and love that you chose.
Bianca you brought your livingness with you to the funeral and in doing so stood as a true reflection to all present, there was no being swept away on a tide of emotion which is so easy to do in these situations.
Each person there not only dried their eyes from the grief but also opened their hearts to your expression, your love and your consistent livingness.
On re-reading this blog I am reminded of how powerful expression is and that expression is more than what we say verbally but how we move our body and interact with others. Expression is all about choices to either we say yes and express from our essence, who we truly are, or we say yes and express from a need to fit in and be accepted. What this blog demonstrates is that in the lead up to the funeral and on the day I consistently chose to say yes to expressing from the love I am – my essence and the ease in which one can do this when they get themselves out of the way and make it about love, true expression and being open with people.
Thank you Bianca and lovely reminder that even in grief there is joy.
Bianca, this is a testament that love can be lived in motion and expression practically every day.
I just love the simplicity in how you shared “As I pondered on how attending Nonna’s funeral might be, I realised that the only thing I could do on the day was to accept what I and everyone around me was feeling.” That’s exactly the only thing we have to do each and every day in everything we do.
I agree Tamara, accepting what we are feeling and how others are feeling is a great support every day. It helps us let go of the ideals and beliefs that we have around how life should look and be and empowers us to know that we have a choice in every moment as to how we will be.
I could feel so much joy expressed all through your blog Bianca – how amazing and inspiring is this!
As I was scanning through the index of blogs looking for a subject matter that would appeal to me it surprised me when I chose Death & Dying and then I clocked the familiar, somewhat negative, ideals and beliefs automatically coming up in my mind – eg ‘bit of a morbid subject’. What a treasure I would have missed out on had I not made the choice to proceed regardless of my initial reaction. Absolute gold! Thank you Bianca.
Re-reading your beautiful blog today Bianca, what stood out for me was: “I brought my presence to every moment, which simply means when I was doing something my mind and body were together.” – This is something I can remind myself of every day as it applies to all we do in life.
It is so important to feel the sadness of lost ones, and to be able to connect to the memories of great moments. Just by feeling and allowing creates a space for healing and accepting that one day we will all leave the body we are in and return to the divine soul. As we create this space the joyful memories flood back and by sharing them allows the acceptance and letting go of any hurts and feeling of lost.
Bianca this brings memories of my father’s passing at the age of 89. I’d been feeling the signs of his imminent passing for a while, and noted how our conversations became deeper, he was coming to terms with difficult aspects of his life. He managed to farewell us all the day before he died. It gave us opportunity to express our feelings deeply. Details of how he wanted the funeral to be were known so plans went smoothly. To my surprise it was a beautiful loved filled occasion and I was not sad at all. A wise esoteric practitioner had said to me that I would feel the essence of the person far more strongly after they passed over, and this is absolutely true. The glory of that person shines on, and the little foibles, difficulties and quirks that could raise a reaction from me in life paled in comparison.
This observation, that every choice we make is with us is so poignant. Our choices do walk with us. The more we choose love, the more we let love be our way, the more it walks with us, filling our steps and our life. People feel this no matter what the circumstances are, so even in a funeral the love and joy of one person can be experienced.
This is not just a way to prepared for the big events like funerals, but even the seeming mundanity of everyday life.
The greatest asset we have is our own love.
“The greatest asset we have is our own love.” Love this Rachel!
Yes we do carry with us all the loving choices of how we live our life and people do feel it in so many ways, a great healing for all.
I can relate very much to reacting to the intensity by feeling overwhelmed when I have attended a funeral in the past. It is a horrible feeling but Bianca has clearly shown us that it doesn’t have to be this way; that by living in a way that truly supports me and being consistent with this not only supports me but others too.
I agree Caroline, Bianca has shown us there is another way. As you shared funerals can be very intense and overwhelming but when Bianca shared the realisation that allowed her to let go of the ‘….belief that the amount of sadness I felt would equate to how much I loved the person’ I felt this truly transform the concept of grief for me as it allows the space to truly celebrate the love you shared with the person and to let them go in the acceptance and appreciation of all that they brought to your life.
I was very touched reading this beautiful piece of writing. I loved how Bianca expressed her love for her Nonna all through her life and not just before her death. This I find inspirational. Expressing my love and appreciation especially for loved ones consistently has not come easy to me but I know it is one of the most natural things to do. Reading blogs like this deepens the confirmation within me and therefore inspires me to express in this way more in my life.
I read this blog a while ago and it was great to come back to and read especially how you were able to support everyone around you by not being emotional. What stuck me the most was the line, “I had this belief that the amount of sadness I felt would equate to how much I loved the person.” I realise that I hold that belief too, that somehow the sadder I am means the more I loved the person who has passed on. I realise how false this is and that the connection we have with the person is the thing that remains. This is something to celebrate rather than grieve over, which you so beautifully shared with your Nonna, your friends and family.
There is no connection with the ash of my fathers dead body, anymore. What I feel is that grief and sadness is feeding a wrong purpose. I have felt a release in me when he could let go and ending the fight against the natural rhythm of nature. This allows me to hold him in my heart deeply with the love I have in me. Letting him go this way feels true and graceful to me.
“When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me…” It’s wonderful to read a sentence like this, for it’s practical and makes sense to anyone reading it. If we create a rhythm of support for ourselves, it’s completely understandable we’ll feel this when pressure starts to build or we’re faced with a moment in time of significance.
Bianca, what an amazing service of love you offered to yourself, to Nonna, and to all the people present at the funeral. It was truly lovely and touching to read how, “It felt like my expression washed away the heaviness and brought clarity and space to all.” You blessed everyone there with your love and your presence and all responded to you in love, by return. What huge changes we can all make when we commit to love in the way you have described here. Thank you for the inspiration of this expression.
What an amazing and unusual choice of stay connected and not let yourself be taken by the emotional turmoil that causes death. Without any doubt your solid foundation allowed you to go there.
Very powerful Bianca. In choosing to connect to your love, to your essence love through your rhythm in the week prior to the funeral the love you built and deepened was naturally there the day the funeral came. And with this you responded with the quality of love that you developed through your Livingness and with this presented another way. That love is a choice that can be celebrated and shared always, even in death. Truly Inspiring. What a blessing for everyone present, and all that have to opportunity to meet you.
I could be with my father as he died and I could hold him and felt the struggle and fight he had chosen to not letting go. This felt so unnatural to me, holding onto a body that was old and sick. As the moment came when he died, I could feel a release that he could let go finally. To me it makes no sense holding onto a body that is ready to die. I believe in reincarnation.
Thanks Monika for sharing your experience. I too feel that reincarnation is true and because of this can see how death in one life could be considered a new beginning.
I must admit I have tended to avoid funerals, as the emotion is so intense and this is not how I feel about death. It is lovely to read that just one person bringing the love and joy they feel can make such a huge difference and show others that the amount you loved someone who passes over doesn’t need to equate to the level of sadness you feel or express.
What a beautiful testament to the power and loving impact that taking responsibility for, and in everything we do, has for ourselves and everyone else.
Here here, testament it is, to the power and loving impact of taking self responsibility – well said.
Thank you Bianca such as beautiful sharing of your Nonna’s Funeral. I have attended quite a few funerals over the years, all of them different, individual to the persons life. Much sharing and joy also amongst the sadness, but also celebration for what that person brought to the lives of each person.
Bianca what a really beautiful sharing. Your experience is something that I can completley relate to with attending the funerals of my mother and sister in the last 18 months. It’s so true what you have shared about focussing on the connection we had with the person and celebrating this supports the lifting of the sadness of loss and regret.
This is one of many blogs where people glowingly write about seemingly obvious and overly simple things like “when I am tired I have a rest and don’t push through”.
However, this is an incredibly difficult thing to do – everything in our life tells us to do the opposite but it transforms us when we do it. Taking care of ourselves is worth more than a million dollars for ourselves, our quality of life, everything, yet few of us go there.
Great blog. We need to stop looking at death as being the end of life, but rather part of life.
To be able to truly celebrate people in our lives whilst they are here, expressing how we truly feel, will lead to a reconfiguring of our relationship with death. This will have a profound effect upon society.
Wow Bianca it is so evident that the loving choices you made leading up to your nonna’s funeral so helped support you to be the loving support you were to all that day. It feels by bringing that level of quality and dedication to our daily choices and living we are able to be more present in each moment and honour what is needed for ourselves and others. What a beautiful marker of how our choices really do create the life we live. I am sure this was felt by everyone that day, as it was so clearly felt by me in reading your words.
It’s a bit hard to put into words how beautiful and inspiring your blog is. Because for me it offers far more than about attending a funeral. What you share here is a loving example of how we could be in so many areas of our lives. This is such a strong example though because it goes against the way people normally view an deal with death. As the lady at the funeral confirmed, what a blessing you were and what a great gift you gave yourself and all of those around you by taking such great care of yourself.
Thanks Sarah, it is great to acknowledge the ripple effect of our choices, it is such a confirmation that we are all connected.
Hello Bianca and thank you for this article. I was constantly at a loss with the funeral situations. I would wear dark sunglasses and look sad when most of the time I didn’t feel that sad. I wouldn’t listen to what people spoke about and I just couldn’t wait for them to end because I felt lost. Most of the time it didn’t seemed to be about the person that was dead, it was more about those that were ‘left’ behind. I started not going to funeral’s at all and tagged them as simply not my thing. This may seem a bit harsh but I just couldn’t understand it. When I started to listen to Serge Benhayon and how he spoke about life and feelings things made more sense. People all had there way of dealing with death but I also had mine. Mine wasn’t right nor was their’s wrong I just had to be myself and do what I feel to do. I love how you have described your experience Bianca and that in fact it wasn’t just about the ‘day’ but about every day and the commitment you make to yourself. What you said makes a lot of sense and it was almost like everyone at your Nonna’s funeral was waiting for someone to be like you were. Thanks again.
There’s a lot of expectation on all of us to feel a particular way in certain situations, e.g. sad at funerals or jubilant as new mothers and then when we don’t, in come feelings like guilt, confusion, lack of self worth, self doubt etc. It’s so much healthier to not have expectations about how we’re going to feel and to simply connect to whatever it is that we are feeling and to just allow that feeling to be, regardless of whether or not society expects it or not. Allow, surrender, accept.
I remember when my Gran died, who I felt close to, I had expected to feel sad, but really ultimately I appreciated how we connected with each other and how we understood and allowed each other to be ourselves, this was precious to share. I hold this feeling with me and I did not even feel really sad when she died or after the funeral. I had a celebration of our connection in life. It was a great moment for me to appreciate that if we are open to connection with people it won’t feel undone or unfinished when they die.
Bianca this is so delicately written in honour of yourself and also love for your Nonna. What struck me was the reference someone made to how you expressed so that people could have understanding in their time of grief when your words inspired them “…to stop feeling overwhelming sadness and focus on the loving connection she had…”. In re-connecting all those people back to love away from sadness, you brought much needed healing, leaving behind a different way for them to attend any further funerals – celebrating the life and also too the onward journey of a soul in its joyous evolution.
Bianca such a lovely sharing of the Love you had with your Nona and the honouring of her life when she passed. When I have attended a funeral I try to leave the emotion behind and focus on the Love and joy that the person brought into my and others lives. We still need to grieve the loss of this person but not through the emotional way that we have done in the past.
It was amazing to feel your deep level of self-care and love that you lived up to funeral, and how that greatly supported you and all of the people there.
Thank you for reflecting to us all Bianca, how this is practically possible.
Bianca, Funerals can be very difficult occasions along with the emotional overwhelm. The way you chose to prepare for this day was truly remarkable to read and a great inspiration for all.
Bianca you have just shared your preparation for an event that is usually very challenging and your deep self Love and preperation in the ensuing weeks was tenderly felt. It confirms the power of living lovingly which then becomes our lived experience in our life to be felt by all.
“When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all, even though I could feel the heavy sadness and grief that was present.”
This sounds completely preposterous, except that it is true.
Thank you Bianca,
It shows me here that we can sometimes indulge in emotion.
You explained the typical Italian funeral as swimming in a sea of heavy – and for me I always saw a funeral as somewhere you could be deeply miserable – no one was allowed to be positive because that was selfish.
But as you brought more love and openness to the occasion, it is amazing how you were able to be a support for others to not stay in the heaviness. A whole new way to do funerals perhaps.
How we live in every moment, leads to how we will feel in the next moment. The deep self-nurturing that you demonstrated in the lead up to the funeral deeply supported you to just be you at the funeral without taking on board the heavy emotions that were present at the funeral. I’m feeling that if we were to stay so committed in the way that we tend to and look after ourselves all of the time, we are then equipped to handle anything.
Yes Donna, I too can feel how consistency supports us to handle anything that comes our way. The simplicity of a life lived with consistency can be our new normal when we choose to commit to deeply loving and nurturing relationship with ourselves and then with all others.
BIanca it feels like you brought a living quality to your Nonnas funeral and that that quality could be felt by all. That living quality was natured in your body through your loving choices and that same loving quality can be felt through your words. Thank you.
I love this line, “Every loving choice I had made that week was with me” as I know it is true, I have felt this too. thank you.
“I realised that the only thing I could do on the day was to accept what I and everyone around me was feeling.” This is such a powerful line within itself, so often we don’t accept or feel where we or others are at. Then this causes all the tension and overwhelm. When really by accepting how we or others feel, life is so much simpler and often, really not as bad as we have made it out to be in our heads. There is a freedom, a space and almost a relief, as in I don’t have to try and fight this anymore, in accepting how we are feeling. So much simpler and such a loving thing to do for all.
Hear, hear Gyl… acceptance simplifies life and allows harmony and joy to be felt.
So many of us spend lifetimes trying to run away from how we feel, which sets up such tension in our bodies. If we stayed, surrendered and even embraced how we felt then life would be a very different kettle of fish.
This is a beautiful blog, thank you for sharing. I can only imagine what being at a funeral is like, as I have not attended one. But what I feel from your words is absolute love and appreciation, of yourself, your nonna, Serge Benhayon and people. It has allowed me to feel how much I really do love people, and care. What it also so simply shares and proves is that how we are with ourself in every single little moment has an effect on the next moment, the rest of the day, the week and so on. And more so than that, it has an effect on people. I can just feel the truth that by being super loving with ourself this builds and deepens the steadiness, consistency and love we have for ourself but can also feel and hold for all.
Beautifully said Bianca. The tender love you shared with your grandmother and with yourself is very profoundly felt in this article. It inspires me to express my love for others in life so that is the memory I hold when they are no longer with us.
Yes I agree Mary, then there can be no ‘if only I had said’.
Expressing in full with no holding back feels key in accepting the death of someone we love. I am finding the more loving I am with myself the more I am open to expressing how I feel with people and this is a very beautiful way to be.
I couldn’t even consider going back to not expressing how I feel about people, it would feel like I was being choked.
Beautiful to read and feel the love and responsibility for your loving choices and the time taken to express all the love you felt for your grandmother and with everyone at the funeral. The honouring you live feels so lovely and warming and I know the way to be . Thank you for sharing this it is inspirational for everyone.
Bianca, I really loved you celebrated your nonna’s life and the love you had for her by living each day in as much presence and making loving choices for yourself.
It seems like death is really no different to any other part of our lives in that we take responsibility up until to our last breath. Then it doesn’t matter where we are in our life, the focus can still be on the quality of love lived day by day.
What a beautiful testament of how committing to living in connection to yourself, with love, develops a steadiness and an awareness that allows you to be present and connected with everything and everyone. And with this we are able to express and bring our absolute truth and love whenever needed. A truly inspiring blog Bianca – thank you.
Thank you Bianca and Carola. I agree when we choose a loving rhythm it is with us all the time!
Thank you Bianca for sharing how the deep connection with ourselves will also exist with all we are connected to. Love never ceases so our connection with loved ones always remains. Your Nonna’s funeral was a beautiful reminder of the love we have for each other and not to be taken for granted but to be expressed to all on a daily basis. I have always felt that what hurts the most at funerals is the recollection of all the lost opportunity’s of not being love with the departed.
Well said Andrew, I agree remembering all the times we have not been our natural loving selves with the person who has died makes us very sad. It is never too late though, we can start right now to express from love with all the people we adore. What I am finding is the more I am committed to being love with myself the easier it is to be love with others.
thank you for sharing this Bianca, it highlights that if we choose love and connection within ourselves this is what will be our expression outward. I can feel the care and dedication to yourself and how this build a foundation on which you could not only withstand, but break the heavy blanket of emotions that are so easy to be caught in. Self care and connection are such a strong support in dealing with the inevitabilities of life.
Well said Carolien. Self care and connection build a foundation that support you in life no matter what is going on in the outer. I have found that the more I choose to live with connection and be deeply caring and loving of myself it feels like I am held in this warmth and home like knowing that is very reassuring.
Hi there Bianca,
You state ‘ I had this belief about the amount of sadness I felt would equate to how much I loved the person’
This is such a common misconception and I often have looked at people and thought ‘wow’ they are not even crying at someone’s funeral. And they are meant to be close to the person.
It was so revealing to read your blog and really feel how much this is simply just a common misconception. It seems we lace people and funerals with having to show how much we care by crying. This is utterly absurd really because we can celebrate who the person is and what they had achieved in life and be in total joy, and the times shared with them.
Thank you for your lovely exposure of emotions at funerals and how sometimes they are really just not needed.
When we can look at life this way, we can really appreciate the beauty and the joy shared with that person. Perhaps this would be more indicative of the relationship we truly had, and a great way of moving forward.
What a different way to be in a situation that can easily let emotions run free.
The way you held yourself, listened to your body and were able to support others is a true difference to how funerals are ‘supposed’ to be.
Wow – this is so inspiring!
Thank you Bianca for sharing so beautifully your preparation for the funeral. What you have delivered is a powerful testament to the significance of being present in every moment and what that means “doing something my mind and body were together”. And by doing that what it brings, “When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all, even though I could feel the heavy sadness and grief that was present”.
I have always enjoyed funerals, even through the emotion people were without their ‘I’m ok masks’ that they normally wear to show the world. I remember preferring them to weddings any day! Quite astute for a 13 year old that I could feel that there was a great opportunity when someone dies for us to be ourselves to feel our feelings and to be open and appreciative of everyone who has gathered. I too really loved my Nana and never miss her as she is so within my heart!
Deeply beautiful Bianca.
I have resisted funerals for a long time because the intense emotions present were hard to handle. But when feeling the deceased, most of the time they are joyous, so that felt conflicting. When my grandmother passed away at 100, I went to her funeral smiling and joyful–and that choice changed my feelings of funerals too, because I let go of the belief that confined me.
This is beautiful Adele, what a blessing that you honoured your feelings and attended your grandmother’s funeral full of joy…a great reflection for everyone in attendance.
That is inspiring that letting go of one belief completely changed how you were able to be with yourself at funerals, Adele: awesome.
Supporting yourself not only for yourself but so you are able to be open and with clarity with others on that difficult day.
Amazing
Lovely sharing.
Thank you Bianca for sharing how tender and precious you were with yourself when your grandmother passed away, many will be inspired by the loving choices you made during this time.
So simply put, Bianca. If we lovingly face and deal with our fears and hurts we are free to approach life openly and freshly. We are told that death is a tragedy and disaster but as for Bianca, and after my father’s death, what was felt was the physical absence but the ongoing-ness of relationship, and in that the foundation of celebration. Universal Medicine has supported me every step of the way.
Love it Matilda, thank you for your expression. I agree the ongoingness of the relationship and the connection you shared is always there. Universal Medicine has supported me so much too. I deeply appreciate the support that is offered by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine to return to our essence and innate wisdom.
I have noted and felt that, too, Matilda. There is an ache in the loss of the physical presence, most definitely, and yet a knowingness of continuing on. I expressed it once as, “Yesterday, today, tomorrow, I know we’ll meet again.” I still feel that to be true.
When someone dies, it’s a though they have just gone next door.
What ever we were to each other, you still are.
Talk to them in an easy way as you always did. Laugh as you always did, and jokes you enjoyed together.
Always think of those who have passed on. Never forget them, even though they are out of sight.
All will be well with them, nothing is lost
Thanks Mike. I have definitely felt that the connection is never lost when we share a loving relationship with someone.
Thank you, Bianca, for sharing this beautiful story about you Nonna’s funeral.
How you took care of yourself and everything in the days leading up to the funeral is very inspiring
It is a great example of how to truly honour and support yourself in challenging situations.
You truly honoured yourself and your Nonna Bianca, very inspiring blog, thank you for this sharing.
A very beautiful sharing thank you Bianca. The celebration of your relationship with your nonna feels truly joyful.
So often the things that we do that support us go out of the window during challenging times, or a ‘crisis’, which is crazy, because that is when we need them most. What Bianca has shown here is that the way better choice at these times, is to deepen, not abandon our commitment to self loving choices.
Well said Catherine….the choice to deepen our commitment to self-loving choices during challenging times is definitely the way to go. I also find stopping and reflecting what I need in that moment before I go into auto pilot is a very supportive tool to use.
Thank you Bianca. What stood out the most for me was how you shared that you accepted how others around you were feeling and what they were choosing. This is always such a good reminder to accept and not try and control what is happening outside of us.
Great point Vicky. When we feel our own way, no matter what others are doing or feeling, we remain with our own way. Bianca so beautifully demonstrated this and the impact it had on others. A beautiful reflection Vicky and Bianca.
It is truly a blessing to ourselves and those around us when we are able to see the bigger picture. Staying centred and open allows us to stay strong and and have the awareness to not be pulled and swayed by others emotions. Thank you Bianca, I can see you are an inspiration for your family.
It’s amazing how you could realise that approaching the funeral in a different way allowed you to have a completely different experience
What a beautifully tender celebration of your Nonna, Bianca and a beautiful reflection of your own loving choices to care and support yourself no matter what. This just proves that if we are solid in our love and support for ourselves it is reflected back ten fold.
I love reading how you took care of yourself knowing this would be a really loving thing to do for a time that may have otherwise have felt overwhelming. I feel how you prepared for your grandmother’s funeral is something I am inspired to bring to my everyday livingness. Each day we can bring this opportunity for connection with others. It’s so lovely to read how your connectedness resonated around all who attended. the depth of what they experienced I feel shouldn’t be underestimated.
Funerals hold so much in terms of not just the passing of someone loved but invite us to reflect on how we are living our lives and how we would like to be remembered and what we leave behind in terms of inspiration or not. How you were I feel was profoundly felt by all who attended. So beautiful.
Thank you Karin. I agree this way of living is for our everyday not just an occasion. I am allowing myself to unfold this way of life without perfection and reminding myself that this quality already lives inside me and is the most natural way for us all to live.
How beautiful “to express without reservation” Bianca. You have a true appreciation of yourself and of the life you shared with your Nonna which you were able to share we all those assembled at the funeral.
I could really feel in this blog Bianca that by supporting yourself in the way that you did, you were able to truly honour all of your feelings around your Nonna’s passing. It wasn’t like you were trying not to feel things, but that you gave yourself all the space you needed so that you could feel what was there to be felt – and the ‘outcome’ of that for you and for everyone is that you could speak openly and lovingly about the depth of your relationship with your Nonna. Truly beautiful.
Wow! That’s really beautfiful Bianca. I’m so inspired by how you chose to deal with such a significant loss. It really brought light to the fact that we don’t have to fall in a heap when unexpected things happen. By supporting ourselves in the way you have, we can heal ourselves and those around us in a much gentler way.
A funeral is something I try to avoid attending because of its heavy emotional energy, and the hypocrisy and belief system surrounding the ceremony that are difficult to deal with. Thank you Bianca for presenting there is a more loving approach to this.
How wonderful for your Nonna Bianca, to leave this life feeling and knowing your love for her.
Your loving connection to yourself is an example I would wish for all humanity.
Thank you Wendy… I feel it is very beautiful that my Nonna felt and knew my love for her. Knowing that I had expressed lovingly and not left anything unsaid was such a big support for me in accepting her passing. I feel very blessed to have had this relationship in my life.
When I attend the funeral of a young person today the wisdom of your words “I realised that the only thing I could do on the day was to accept what I and everyone around me was feeling,” will be with me.
Thank you Bianca.
Bianca I could feel the deep love you had for your Nonna and that love was reflected in the way you care -fully prepared for her funeral so you could be fully present. This is a learning for me in that this is the way to be in our daily lives -being present in every moment.
How beautiful, to feel how a choice of conscious presence can bring such light and clarity. This is the so inspiring. Thank you Bianca.
This was so beautiful to read and feel, the gentle, tender love you were with yourself during this time. I could really feel this throughout the blog and to honour yourself as you did, with such simple things like taking yourself to bed when you felt to, allowed yourself to feel whatever needed to be felt. Was truly lovely and very inspiring.
Thanks Bianca this is a great example of how we can be in such heavily emotional situations as funerals. You allowed yourself the space to feel what you felt, and then supported others around you with your joyful recollections. This is a great example for many others.
Hi JohN O Connell here from Ireland
Thank you Bianca ,
reading your blog just shows what we you have to share with the world and not just at funerals ,
Its about 3 years ago I was at my mothers funeral and it was really so funny , and a contradiction to how it “should be ”
just about everyone was saying to me how great I look , what was I doing , how are you so slim. There was family friend at the funeral who did not recognise me.
But the great grace at the funeral for me was now that I was re-connected with me through the support of universal medicine , I knew my mother was not truly dead but on the evolution of life ,
thank you
Hi John, thanks for your comment. I agree there is so much we have to offer the world when we simply allow ourselves to be re-connected to our essence and take very loving care of ourselves. Choosing to be more loving and deeply caring with ourselves naturally leads to being this way with others too.
I love the way you so lovingly prepared yourself for your Nan’s funeral Bianca, and how that led to you being able to be totally present throughout, and choose to respond and express lovingly without emotion. Many people control of indulge in their emotions at times like these and that prevents the true feelings of sadness, appreciation, and affirmation being felt and shared.
Great blogs on what the effect of loving choices are. I will take this with me during the coming days and truly take notice of my body and mind being together harmoniously in the act I am doing in that moment. Often I go into thought, it is such a habit. Through your blog you gave me a gentle and affectual reminder that it’s very worthwhile committing to a week of loving choices. My choice is move gracefully and eat consciously. Let’s see what that brings.
This attention to detail is often what is missing, the dedication to such precision in our choices can make all the difference between something feeling good, and something feeling truly loving and supportive.
Bianca thank you very much for this inspirational blog. You show how simple it is to be more connected not only with oneself but with everybody else. And when we are connected we can support each other much more than when we are in reaction or emotional turmoil, like you say : “It felt like my expression washed away the heaviness and brought clarity and space to all.” Awesome.
I could feel that what supported you to not get swept up in emotion was your deep appreciation of the love you had for your Nona and that you had always expressed that love. There was nothing to regret, no lack of love in the relationship to mourn. How beautiful it was to hear about the way you were at the funeral and how this had such an impact on other people attending. Could this be the future of funerals? I certainly hope so.
What you have described so well here Bianca is what I would describe as a way of living that is very self supportive. We all have many moments in life which are difficult or challenging or emotional, and it seems what you are illustrating here is that it is so important to have this basis of self support and taking care of ourselves to allow us to handle all those difficult situations we encounter every day.
Thankyou Bianca for such a beautiful story of love and death . To stay with each and every moment in such a loving and caring way and to take all of that presence to the funeral is such a healing for everyone at the funeral – this is a very inspiring story of how we can truly serve all, when sadness and grief and distress are prevalent.
I appreciate the way you write about making a decision to commit to being very present the week before the funeral and caring for yourself. Is is supportive to share this and it also is a valuable example that doing so really does support us in times of potential stress and also in our every day. As this process is about learning, when we choose to be more present and loving with ourselves this can be used as a marker to support us in caring for ourselves in the future, Thank you for sharing.
That’s awesome sharing Bianca,
Thank you, I will be attending my Mums funeral later in the year and your blog held so much for me as support.
I look forward to holding more of me at future funerals for myself and others.
I will definately take on board the way in which you prepared for your Grandmothers funeral, your article is much appreciated
The words said from someone in deep connection with self and with the depth of a strong foundation of love towards another are like beams of healing light to all who listen are in the presence of . Awesome Bianca your part in this and sharing this with us all.
Bianca your preciousness and tenderness can be deeply felt in this sharing, and I am inspired by your commitment to honouring them with so much dedication. How beautiful that this commitment to you allowed you to celebrate the life of your Nonna and supported others to do the same. I’ve never quite understood why funerals are not more of a celebration of the person and the life they lived, inviting us all to celebrate life.
Thank you Bianca for your deeply inspiring blog which I read just days before my father died. I also chose to care for myself lovingly whilst preparing all the many details of the funeral and this allowed me to be fully present when taking part in a wonderful celebration of my father’s life. I felt an amazing calmness and gratitude as I spoke about my father’s legacy and shared with people afterwards that I had enjoyed the occasion. I am also conscious of feeling more deeply connected to those around me as I have opened up my heart in appreciation of my relationship with my father and all it has offered me.
A beautiful sharing, thank you Helen. Your family and friends would have been deeply touched by your presence and the deep connection you were offering. Very inspiring!
Beautiful Helen. Very inspiring that Helen enjoyed the occasion of her father’s funeral. I certainly have not found funerals enjoyable. I would get drawn into sympathizing and that wasn’t supporting anyone. Today my choices are more loving, building a foundation so that if a funeral came my way, I would be much more steadfast within myself and therefore in a much better position to deal with the emotions that arise at funerals.
This is great because it shows us that although there is a deep sadness at the loss of someone so close, it does not have to be overwhelming, all encompassing and so heavily morbid as we so often see and believe it to be. There is a light heartedness and joy when we can connect to that person and the joy they brought in their life. People are amazing and that is to be celebrated throughout life and in death too.
Bianca, I felt to re-read your beautiful blog today. It is incredibly inspiring, wonderful how you really prepared yourself and your body for what could have been a very emotional day for you. With the result, not asked for, that people spoke of their deep appreciation for how you expressed all you felt about your Nonna.
And the other important fact is, you have built your body into such a body of love now, you will never lose this, but go on gracefully building it even further.
I could appreciate this too Beverley – I could feel so much from Bianca’s description about how she prepared herself in the lead up to the funeral, and the commitment to presence she had. This building of presence, and therefore immense allowing of love is a foundation now for her. Wow, what a marker! Appreciating how you were at the funeral, and the inspiration you were to those around you is so beautiful to feel – and inspirational to me too. Thank you Bianca for this sharing, it really made me stop and feel today.
Although it can be a sad and emotional time, when a loved one departs this life, the physical presence may not be there, yet they will always be in our hearts and minds, and never forgotten.
Great to hear how what potentially could have been a traumatic time actually turned out to be a loving experience all down to how you looked after and prepared yourself for what was to come. By doing this you where then able to not only support yourself but other who where also there.
Indeed Susan, what a difference we can make in choosing presence and tenderness in everything that we do.
A gorgeous truth on how to just be love and nurturing to yourself for others, in such a time of immense grief
Thank you
Bianca, our tenderness and preciousness are so lovely to feel. You have celebrated your Nonna in her life by expressing your love to her when you were with her and the celebration continued in her passing bringing a lot of healing to others at the funeral. Such a beautiful blog Bianca thank you.
Allowing yourself to be you and not get caught up the usual emotional times around death and passing over is very freeing, not just for you, also for the loved one that is passing and the relatives and friends. I found like you Bianca this extremely supportive and help me see the joy of such a special time. Celebrating the person and all that they are and where they are going.
This is such an amazing sharing, Bianca, thank you. How lovely to feel your dedication to bringing all of you to each and every moment, and how that built a foundation on which you stood to bring such love and healing to others in this difficult time, making the funeral a celebration of life and love.
Thank you Bianca, I especially enjoyed reading how your family members appreciated your eulogy, and what this brought to the whole day.
Thank you for the reminder Bianca that every loving choice we make comes with us – and allows us to be open and loving with others.
When you presented your eulogy you expressed from love and playfulness that made people stop the heavy emotion they were in and feel the love and playfulness you were presenting. You were able to show people that funerals don’t have to be extremely sad, you can honour the person in a light, playful loving way and the people appreciated this by telling you so.
Wow what a powerful journey, thank you so much for sharing. This shows a choice to not become overwhelmed by grief at a difficult time but instead make loving choices for yourself which then supported everyone around you. Your words inspire me to be more connected with myself and more present, appreciating each moment of each day.
I read this blog before attending a funeral for my Grandad and it was lovely to remember what was written here as I went through that experience. This was a huge support for me as I was very close to my Grandad and I was sad at the funeral, however, I also felt a strength inside of myself and your words helped me to connect to that and support the rest of my family as best I could. Thank you Bianca.
Beautiful Leonne, thank you for sharing your experience. What a blessing for your family to have your presence with them at the funeral.
Beautiful Bianca. I felt how in choosing to express lovingly to your Nonna throughout your life, you laid an amazing foundation, which your continued choices, the funeral and this blog are simply built upon in the most natural way.
Thank you Joseph. The choice to express love to my Nonna throughout my life was beautiful and came very naturally to me. When I look back on our relationship the fact I was able to express my love for her and feel that nothing was left unsaid has made her passing easier to accept. This inspires me to take this level of openness and expression of love to all my relationships.
Dear Bianca, I can truly relate to what you have written. Thank you for sharing your experience here. I come form a similar South European background (Serbia) where death and funeral are heavy, emotional. And the ceremonies accordingly. People are used to have this part of life in a certain way and though they start by themselves to feel – this is not how it should be, as by times it feels awkward, they still hold on the old ways. But I have also realized that if they are shown another way and another approach – as you did at your Nonna’s funeral – a lot of are very open to this. To focus on the connection, to express love towards the passed over person and towards each other. This also brings joy though sadness is there. So once again thank you for sharing so respectfully.
Dear Bianca, what I have received from your blog here is beyond the understanding of how to ”deal with” funerals. What you have shared about how you cared for yourself each step of the way leading up to the funeral is amazing and is an amazingness we can choose everyday. It reminds me of the extra care I took with myself before a medical procedure last year – I felt so tender, so open and able to feel everything – why do we not do this for each and every day without perfection?
Sharing how you prepared for the funeral is very empowering and “Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all” encapsulates so well the imapact and the results that this brings.
Loving choices literally allow Heaven to come through us, they really do. And one day each and every one of us will be choosing to make one loving choice after another, to the point that we will all be streaming Heaven through us constantly.
As someone who has a tendency to take on others’ emotions, reading this has been a huge support for me and I can think of numerous people for whom your experience and words will also be of support – I will be sharing it liberally. This is one to read and read again. Thank you Bianca.
Thank you Bianca for your beautiful blog – it has reminded me of my relationship with my mother and how much I appreciate that I spent time with her during the latter part of her life. Like you I was conscious that I wanted to let her know how deeply I loved and appreciated her as a woman. When I was younger I did not always respect her and honour her and it felt as though I was being offered a second opportunity to build a true and loving relationship with her before she passed away. These moments allowed us to explore some deeper aspects of our lives and what was it that life was about – there were moments when we felt truly close and we let go of all the problems of the past. It was really healing to spend this time with her.
Bianca thank you for reminding us that funerals can be joyful and playful, an opportunity to express and share with others tender and humourous moments spent with our loved ones.
Thank you Kehinde, expressing the eulogy with absolute love, tenderness, playfulness and humour was the most beautiful way to honour my Nonna and her life.
Thank you Bianca, how inspirational your blog is. I loved reading and feeling how you supported everyone who was connected to your grandmother with the choices you made. More than a year ago my mother died and I felt a great acceptance and strength in the days after her passing, also at her funeral. Yes I’ve missed her from the moment she died but I mostly felt and feel to celebrate the amazing woman she was and the love we shared.
Thank you Gill for expanding this blog by sharing your experience.
This writing is very beautiful, Bianca, thank you so much for continuing to express unreservedly, this feels so loving to receive and has re-connected me to my loving expression.
Bianca your blog shows me the how of living in a self-loving way and also how, when we express from our connection to our light within how this allows others to also. What you have shared is beautifully simple and profound and applicable to whatever is going on in life. Thank you.
Expressing love is common to us all because in truth we are the expression of love and yet we have become accustomed to never or rarely expressing love because we rarely feel love in it’s true form. We have made life very functional, very matter of fact and a huge deviation from it’s original form. But as we return to love we will naturally start to express the love that we all are and thankfully restore the flow back to life. Life’s a pretty stagnant affair right now.
This is such a beautiful blog and i shared it with a friend who is facing the death of her grandmother and she is very dear to her to and she is the main carer for her through her cancer treatments and due to pass over shortly. It was so supportive and really beautiful for her to read and she thanked me for sharing this and i am passing this on back to you , thank you Bianca.
This is beautiful Tricia, thank you for sharing. This confirms for me that the ripple effect of love is never ending…
” I realised that the only thing I could do on the day was to accept what I and everyone around me was feeling.”
I too had this experience at my mother’s funeral and found it doing so, I felt much lighter and enjoyed seeing people I had not seen for a very long time.
Thank you Michelle for sharing your experience. It feels like choosing to lovingly caring for yourself before and during a funeral is the new black.
Yes Matilda, how very true. It seems the key to all of our relationships is most definitely held within our own loving connection to ourselves, and that if we can hold true to who we know ourselves to be in truth, no ideal, belief or culture can get in the way of our most naturally amazing and heavenly way, and it is a gift to everyone equally. Thank-you Bianca, a most beautiful sharing.
What a tribute to celebrating the truth about a relationship rather than being caught in the expectations and social norms of how we ‘should’ behave. Thank you, Bianca.
This is a really inspiring blog Bianca, I love to see it when there is a special bond between Grand parent and grand child, one of my nephews has it with my mum and there is something quite cute about it. This blog just proves the amazing benifits of self care and self love.
Its amazing to read the level of respect and appreciation you hold for your grandmother in your words, and the way you honoured her memory with love and joy at her funeral.
Loved the line “I walked in and wasn’t alone all my choices where there supporting me”, that is such a great image, what a great sharing of how life can be!
Bianca, this blog is full of such richness – the richness of your deep love for your nonna, and the richness of the loving and deeply supportive relationship you have with yourself.
The care and nurturing you brought to yourself that week is palpable, and clearly set a new ‘marker’ for you, for how you could be with yourself, all of the time. To me this speaks so much about true Yoga, and union with ourselves, and a way of being where the support in how we go about our day (though never perfect) is absolutely foundational.
Having been inspired to pay attention and make such choices myself, profoundly so by the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I can absolutely relate – not only to how great we can truly feel within ourselves as a ‘result’, but also, as your story here so beautifully exemplifies, how then we are, in our relationship with all others, and how others also receive the blessings of such a rich and lived way of honouring ourselves. Our choices thus become, naturally, about all.
When you say that you walked into the church and you weren’t alone (that all your choices were with you), I couldn’t help but feel that you walked in with a thousand angels behind you, and graced everyone with the power of your love – a great love that accepted and held everyone, no matter what they were going through, at the funeral. This is most surely God’s work, on earth.
Ah Victoria your expression is beautiful and all that you have said is true. Bringing loving consistency to my life allowed me to tangibly feel the love of God and how we are all held by Him in every moment. I now know without a doubt that God has never not been there, it has been my choices to not be the love I naturally am that has made me numb to His presence. I have no doubt that God and a thousand angels were with me as I walked into the church and I can feel that if this level of support is here for one then it is equally here for all.
Beautifully said, Bianca and Victoria.
“When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me”…this is so powerful for me to sit with at the moment… Allowing myself to feel supported not by people around me, but by the choices I am making….
”Allowing myself to feel supported not by people around me, but by the choices I am making…”. The way in which Joel has expressed this has stopped me to feel more deeply what is being said here… there is much to ponder on here.
How beautiful to read of what is possible with the journey of passing on. Even just reading the words as written reminds one to be with oneself, and to feel the expanded awareness and connection that is possible when one does this. And then to read how, in the midst of what would normally be such a turbulent and overwhelming event how Bianca has held herself, and not just that, created such a bridge with her expression that others there were inspired, now this is indeed a story to be told and retold.
You have made a great point here Bianca, that funerals are about love,a confirmation of the individual and all they brought to the world and a confirmation of the relationship we had with them. Thats beautiful and to be rejoiced.
I used to simply equate funerals as a place people went to to be miserable together about the death of someone. And somehow this was the way society expected a show of caring about the person who had passed away. It is lovely to read your article about how you used this situation to celebrate your grandmother and lightened up the whole event for everyone else. And how you consciously took care of yourself to ensure you were able to do so. Very inspiring.
I absolutely agree Golnaz, and I remember never being at all comfortable with the ‘heavy cloud’ that seemed to sit over everyone at funerals – the remembrances go back to when I was very young… The place for letting go is important to allow, and yet also it is such a rich experience to celebrate the person, as Bianca did with her grandmother – truly beautiful.
Bianca I could feel the love for your Grandmother and how this had rippled into your life and was shown by the care you then took with yourself leading up to the funeral. Staying with yourself and not getting emotional was a great reflection for your relatives to see and is shown in your words “I felt much love for all, and the connection I felt with people had made the funeral a truly special day.”
Great to see here the funeral as a celebration of the life lived and passed, instead of an emotionally-tumultuous affair. Emotions are not good for our bodies – better to feel and identify exactly what feelings are behind them – and, in this scenario, to express the joy and appreciation for the loved one.
This is a great testimonial of the impact self-care has on others. The beauty in which you describe your choices leading into the day of the funeral is felt deeply as I read through your blog. This is living! This is healing! And it was felt by all those at the funeral, who were blessed by your presence and expression of your love for you and your love equally for your Nonna. Very inspiring Bianca. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Bianca, it feels like the relationship that you have been developing with yourself and the love that you and your Nonna shared was the real anchor for you at her funeral, allowing you to truly celebrate your Nonna, her life and your relationship. These are incredibly precious and loving times when we allow ourselves to be open and vulnerable as you have so beautifully shared.
Bianca, thank you, this goes to show us how the choice to look after and care for ourselves is evidenced by a tangible knock-on effect that is felt by others around us – what more do we need to confirm that living with self care means we are more fully equipped to then care for and support others.
What you’ve shared here Bianca has stayed with me since the first time I read your blog. It so clearly offers us the fact that we can choose to support ourselves to be steady in all that life brings along, by bringing a presence to how we are in our day.
A person’s life and its worth to the people around them can sometimes be measured by the degree to which a person mourns – tears, feeling heavy, regurgitate the past and continually say about the gap left now they are gone. What I have experienced from your blog Bianca is, that if we are able to not get bogged down by all the emotion, to clear all its heaviness by staying connected to self in the most loving way and surrounding yourself with what is true, the clarity with which you see and express the beauty of the person passing becomes a powerful connection to all others sharing this same loss. A beautiful and heartfelt sharing and an example of what is possible – thank you to Universal Medicine
This is lovely to read Matilda, ‘When my father died, my son aged 9 said that he would love to come to the funeral as long as he did not have to ‘pretend to be sad and get caught in the emotions of the adults’, I attended a funeral of a client yesterday and it felt amazing to not get caught up in the sadness and emotions of the day, I felt steady and lighthearted and enjoyed expressing how much I had adored this client, it felt lovely to connect with people that had known my client and hear stories about him, it felt like we were celebrating him.
Rebecca, the comment of your son just blew me away! How clearly he has felt and seen it all! And, as you say, it is so lovely to celebrate someone’s life and the joy they brought.
Yes Rebecca, it is sooooo freeing! One of my flat mates died and she didn’t have a family who could organise the funeral or any of her effects so we did that. Because we had been with her during her ilness, we really wanted to celebrate the woman she was rather than mourn her. It doesn’t deny the fact that you miss their physical company but simply honours that it was their process and time to go. Her cremation was a celebration, the young people in the room ensured it was exactly as she wanted it, a get together, a celebration and an opportunity to support each other.
“When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me,…” What a wonderful sentence, great how you highlight how the choices you make are with you. They can be supportive or they can be undermining, this is the wonder of making choices, they can build a lovely foundation and support. Thank you.
Your experience shared here in your blog Bianca has reminded me of the power that we have by making self loving choices. And that all the choices we make moment to moment are with us in the next moment. Therefore if we continue to make self-loving choices it creates a solid foundation for us for the more difficult times.
Absolutely agree Donna – it is deeply beautiful how this law of self-loving choice magnifies exponentially. Such a blessing to know and understand this – and live it.
Bianca it is wonderful to have shared such a deeply loving relationship with Nonna and to have expressed your love with her. I loved how you said “when I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all, even though I could feel the heavy sadness and grief that was present”
There is no sadness in the light of the soul, not even a smidgen.
What an inspirational example of when we truly care for ourselves how that care then flows on to others in many ways. From making the choice to deepen your love for yourself, all who you meet on the day of the funeral were blessed and in some cases, inspired. How very beautiful.
“When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me” – that is a great statement of the power of one’s own choices, and how they support you in this instance as well as in life. Thank you for the reminder Bianca.
This is a beautiful blog Bianca. Having a Greek background I can certainly attest to the heavy sea of emotion that can take place at funerals! But here, I can feel how through your dedication to deeply care for yourself, you let everyone at the funeral feel such a difference, and how funerals do not have to be so heavy and solemn, and we don’t have to grow our sorrows in copious amounts of alcohol. Your blog also blows out of the water the notion that deep self-care is selfish — in truth it is the absolute opposite. When we deeply commit to looking after ourselves, honouring our bodies, our limitations, not pushing beyond what our bodies can do, we then bring this deep honouring to all that we do and everyone we meet — and we are there in full presence, not drained, irritated, and not wanting to be there. That’s such a blessing to give to another.
It is more and more common to understand this is what happens with alcohol and emotions. Current health research backed up by any emergency department in the world will tell you that the majority of violence is alcohol fuelled…sadness and grief is no different. Combustible.
“When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me”. This is such a lovely reminder that all our choices are with us in every moment of everyday. I really enjoyed reading and feeling in your writing the dedication to, and consistency in the way you chose to be with yourself. Thank you Bianca.
There are sone cracking statements in here that apply for all of life – even the difficult days like farewelling a family member… “when I was doing something my mind and body were together”, and “Every loving choice I had made that week was with me”… I will use those in my further development of my everyday development of The Way of the Livingness, as shared by Universal Medicine.
I agree, Heather, this is a great and inspiring example of the Way of the Livingness in action, by simply bringing an ever-deepening love and awareness of ourselves in each situation and responding accordingly.
I loved that too Heather, particularly the “every loving choice I had made that week was with me”. I often talk to people about laying the foundations away from the high intensity moments but I love the expression used there. They walk with us, beside us, to give us a knowing that we have supported ourselves to be ok in this moment, to see that the experience or moment is not bigger than the foundation we have built.
It touches me deeply to read your blog, it is so beautiful to feel your love for your grandmother and the power and dedication you had to go into that process.
So true, we tend to celebrate achievements rather than celebrate the person for who they were. It is a reflection of how we regard ourselves, valuing ourselves by what we do rather than appreciating ourselves just for being us. It is such a joy to read and feel just how lovingly held this funeral was by one person who not only deeply valued herself, but valued everyone equally, so that everyone could truly celebrate the person who had left them.
Bianca, how timely for me to discover your blog today when just a few hours ago I spoke with a friend whose grandmother had died 3 days ago. He expressed the joy he felt at being by her side and the ease of her passing. It was not an emotional time but one of acceptance and love. Your nonna sounds like a beautiful woman who was offered the fullness of your love – a true gift.
What a beautiful confirmation, Bianca. I have always felt funerals to be celebrations and never understood the ‘veil’ of black. When my father died, my son aged 9 said that he would love to come to the funeral as long as he did not have to ‘pretend to be sad and get caught in the emotions of the adults’ – I loved this as a foundation for the day: holding myself and observing and supporting others.
I love the wisdom of children. Your son is spot on, emotions can be like a trap we get caught in. It is through the presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that I have learnt to observe and not absorb the emotions of others. This teaching has been an absolute blessing.
Wow Bianca, what a truly beautiful powerful sharing, it brought tears to my eyes, melting and dissolving away hardness in my body and mind, thank you deeply.
Thanks for a beautiful blog Bianca. I have found funerals to be heavy occasions that tend to focus on what a person achieved in their lives rather than what they were like as a person. You describe beautifully how the loving choices you made in the lead up to the funeral enabled you to hold yourself during the funeral and relate to others the wonderful connection you had with your grandmother.
Very true Peter, eulogies have their main focus on what people have done and the moment we talk about who they were as a person we get overly emotional. The care you brought to yourself sounds like it really supported you to connect to the connection that is beyond the face to face physical experience, and in so doing you supported others to connect in the same way.
Thank you Bianca, Such a beautiful sharing of the love you shared with your nona and equally, the love you have with, and for yourself. What you have shared really demonstrates how building the love with yourself, flows into the words you express. A transmission of love that we can all feel through the spoken word.
Thanks, Bianca. Your blog presents a powerful truth about relationship – if we deeply connect to and share true love with another, it is inconceivable that the bond will ever diminish, even if the person is no longer there.
Well said Janet, true love leaves an imprint that is with us forever.
I so agree Janet. we can feel them in our hearts and for me in this instance, often that lovely quiet smile my grandmother had will pop up and I am reminded again of the love that was given and shared – never gone, still felt,
Thank you Bianca for writing this. I have not experienced a death of anyone very close to me (my parents are both still alive and well) yet, so I shall remember this blog and re-read it when such time comes.
Thank you Bianca for such a beautiful blog and for sharing it and it is such an inspiration for everyone. I really appreciated it and share so much with you with my loving experiences with the funerals of both my parents and the contrast with many others also. The amazing suport you show by the way you lived and prepared for the day is an inspiration for everyday always as the way to live so lovingly and the benefits are glorious to feel .
Beautiful Bianca, thank you for such a deeply healing article and sharing your love for us all to benefit by. Your article confirms the power of self love and the amazing results of preparing yourself for a big day, a day that we so often associate with the heavy emotions and deep sadness. What a gift you brought to everyone at the funeral, the opportunity to laugh and re-connect to the joy and love that Nonna brought into the world. You changed the day from a day of people being swamped by their loss to a day of celebrating a beautiful person who has passed over from this life. That is an amazing transformation.
Absolutely beautiful Bianca. What struck me was that when you started talking, your voice, presence and expression were able to clear the room of the heaviness of emotion. You healed everyone in that room that day, such a Clark Kent moment and it proves that your love for yourself has ripple effects that allow others to connect to themselves. What power we have when we have connection and expression. Two small white feathers just floated very gently past my window outside, what a confirmation.
This was a beautiful blog to read. A close friends Grandmother recently passed away, the funeral is in a few days. I will share this blog with her to support her during this time. What you wrote and shared is what I have been discussing with my friend, this was a beautiful confirmation to myself. It was so lovely to read how being present and lovingly supporting yourself allowed you to support others. Thank you for sharing.
What a beautiful blog, Bianca and so inspiring to read about your relationship with your grandmother. The gentle and loving way that you prepared yourself for the funeral feels as though it reflects a way of living that can support us all in our daily lives and to be truly loving to ourselves and those we meet each and every day.
What an amazing experience for you Bianca. It can be easy to forget the beautiful, joyful and loved filled memories we have for those that have past away in our lives, as we feel so overwhelmed with emotion. I know that when my grandmother passes I will deeply miss her but I will also know that every time I have been with her it has been filled with love and joy, making her passing a time to celebrate the beautiful women she was.
Thank you again for your sharing of your beautiful experience here Bianca. My funeral experience of my grandmother, whom I loved dearly (I was 16 when she left), was so awful that I have not been wanting to go to another one ever. You have shown a different way which I also can embrace, thank you.
What powerful reflection for you Bianca as you tangibly got to see how the way you live can have a huge impact on those around you. I hope you appreciate the hugeness of what has unfolded here because what you have shared is absolute gold. If we are this powerful i have to ask myself why I wouldn’t choose to live like this all of the time and bring such support, grace and love to all those I meet. I shall be more honouring of myself because of what you have shared here.
Thank you Bianca for sharing in such detail how you ‘got through’ the week after losing your Nonna. I chose to live in much the same way as you when my husband had an unexpected operation. What this meant was that I ‘felt’ my way through every activity I needed to do, for example doing the shopping, the cooking, the school run, (life still goes on regardless of what drama is unfolding!), communicating with nurses, showering, getting myself dressed, etc etc. I didn’t ‘think’ about what I had to do, but rather ‘felt’ what it was that I needed to do and then did it in a gentle, loving and practical way for myself. The knock on effect then was that the people I came into contact with felt something different about me; a gentleness, perhaps a fragility that was still so very strong and steady. I felt very joyful all week, despite the drama that was around me. Thank you for putting this into words for me and us all.
And thank you too Suzanne, for sharing your experience with living life in a steady connected way through your husband’s operation. Deeply beautiful.
Thank you for sharing your experience Suzanne, I loved reading it and feeling how supportive your loving choices were for all the people you came in contact with. This line in particular stands out for me..”I felt my way through every activity I needed to do”. Simply beautiful!
Thank you Suzanne Anderssen for “how you went through your week” and held fragility and joy, equalling all of you. What a great reflection and inspiration for living everyday. I can feel a deep connection to this is how to live every moment. It’s rather funny but like many things in life I’m discovering I’m saving them for “Good/Best”. This level of care and presence with self is what is need constantly in life and I’m not going to save it up any more, but get on and live it. With the deepest appreciation.
Gorgeous Bianca, this is a completely different approach not only to attending funerals, but also in life and in how we prepare for things – through the choices in how we live.
Wow-I love what has been shared here. “….Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all….” wise words which apply throughout life. Thank you, Bianca.
Yes Julie and Bianca, inspiring dedication!
A friend of mine recently attended one of her relative’s funerals, and when I asked her how it went she exclaimed how depressing and sad it was… I myself have never been to a funeral, but from the details she gave of people being exceptionally emotional, and the atmosphere being more gloomy than she had ever experienced before, I do wonder if there is another way to ‘finalise’ a life… You have done just that Bianca, and your blog is amazing as you have expressed how funerals can be CELEBRATIONS rather than such dismal events.
I know when I go I want people to celebrate me and not be all doom and gloom. I would want people to dance (true music style) and feel a lightness in their hearts to not feel sad as I will be back….Hasta la vista baby!
Thanks Bianca, I felt held in your love, care and tenderness simply reading your article. It stands as a testament to the way that you have chosen to live.
This is really inspiring Bianca. How you delivered the eulogy gave everyone an opportunity to allow themselves to feel their love for your grandmother instead of the deep well of our own grief and sadness. It’s not wrong to feel those things, but they can often overshadow our experience of a person passing on, forgetting who they actually were. I often have heard that funerals are for the living and not the person that passed on. I feel there’s a lot of truth in that.
Yes, funerals are definitely more for the living, and there is no reason a funeral has to be filled with grief and sadness. The loss of a loved one can be a celebration of all they lived. There seems to be a bit of an unwritten rule that we shouldn’t smile or feel light and playful at a funeral but perhaps that is a bit of an imposed idea that doesn’t actually ring true to how we might feel and certainly doesn’t correlate with the expressed feelings of the person before they passed away.
Thank you, Bianca. I have been to many funerals in my life and will probably experience a few more. Thank you for reminding me that – depending on the choices you make – the passing of loved ones can result in evolution for yourself and everyone around you.
Bianca. Such a lovely blog. When someone so close leaves this life, they are truly missed. Celebrating that persons life, and what they have left behind can be so inspirational. We miss that closeness, but they are always in our hearts, and thoughts, and never to far away from us.
I love this Mike it is true they are always in our hearts and never far away.
I remember attending funerals in my early teens, and looking around the room at everyone crying. I thought there was something wrong with me because I wasn’t crying and didn’t feel like crying. To me death has always been something we must do, we can’t escape it, so we have our whole life to prepare for the process of passing over, which as detailed here can be very deeply loving and supportive.
Yes Danielle – we do have our whole life to prepare and truly enjoy living while we can. Then the passing will be a celebration of what we have lived.
What a difference you choosing to stay open, connected and present made to the experience of not only yourself but to all present. It’s interesting how the feeling of overwhelming sadness actually disconnects and takes away from the loving connection to the life being celebrated.
Bianca, there is so much power that comes through in this piece, it is heart melting. The experience you had in the lead up to the funeral beautifully describes how you brought a little more focus to the self-care, tenderness, and awareness you were already living with. Sharing in detail how you honoured yourself, each moment building on the next and how it supported you to go deeper on the day of the funeral and be more open with your love and expression is inspiring. Proof that when we live like this the more difficult moments in life can be met with more of who we truly are coming out rather than overwhelming emotion and/or shutting down.
I agree with other bloggers that this quote is life changing “When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me”.
This quote really speaks to me for any situation. What a lovely way to live life, knowing that every loving choice you make builds a solidness in you that means that you never walk alone. You actually walk with the solidness of love you have for yourself that no doubt builds your self worth and supports you in everything you do.
This quote is a quote for lifetime, thanks Bianca
‘What a lovely way to live life, knowing that every loving choice you make builds a solidness in you that means that you never walk alone’ – your words are full of wisdom Rebecca, beautifully said.
“I had this belief that the amount of sadness I felt would equate to how much I loved the person” – that is a significant sentence and a belief that is propagated in movies, novels and on TV. I love how your blog exposes that true LOVE will never lead to the accumulation of sadness.
I love this, Judith – “true LOVE will never lead to the accumulation of sadness.” A great point to consider when emotions come up with regards to another, and an opportunity to consider what we are missing in ourselves.
Exactly Judith. It is weird to think that sadness should equate to how much you love someone after reading this blog
A beautiful blog Bianca, thank you. I had a similar experience when my mother died. The sadness and self nurturing were present, and at the same time we truly celebrated her life with clarity and grace. It was an awesome experience and the celebrant wanted to know what we had ‘done’ to make the funeral, in her words, ‘so graceful and full of grace’.
Dear Bianca , this is such a beautiful blog, it brought tears to my eyes your loving comittment to yourself and the love you were able to feel and express to those in deep sadness. Thank you
This is beautiful Janne, thank you for sharing your experience. How gorgeous for the celebrant, who would attend countless funerals, to experience a funeral held in clarity and grace.
Dear Bianca, what a beauti-full way to prepare for a funeral and honour the memory of your Nonna. Your self-loving supported those present as well. Thank you for these thought-full reflections.
And it shows there is a different way to experience death. If we go deeply in grief, it is about us. When we honour the life lived by the one who died, it is about them.
Great point, Simone.
Thank you, Bianca, for the reminder that how we are in ourselves makes all the difference, and that choosing love has a powerful affect on everyone around us, even in the most emotionally challenging situations.
You have clearly presented for everyone that … by being love and making consistent choices, the far-reaching affect we can offer to others. I have been to funerals where the eulogies were empty and generally the overall feeling was heavy with emotions. Celebrating a person’s life is a lovely way to be remembered. Thank you Bianca.
Since reading your article previously I have been pondering on how you deeply cared for and nurtured yourself for the week leading up to the funeral, ‘All week I took deeply loving care of myself, not just for myself, but for others. I ate foods that were supportive, spoke gently to myself and my family and walked every day’, and how this allowed you to walk into the funeral with ‘Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all’. This is so inspiring and highlights the power of these simple and practical ways that we can support ourselves.
So beautiful this blog, and I love what you share about the way we loved somebody, then we must be very sad as well when this person dies, because if we are not sad, then there must be something wrong or it seems that we don’t care. This is a very strong belief and this not only goes for funerals, but also with other emotional and life changing events in life. How you have shared yourself on the day of the funeral, has been a big present for everybody and a reflection of the tremendous love that you felt for your grandmother. Great inspiration.
I think that when we remember and I mean truly remember that we are the eternal consciousness of God then funerals will go from being the sad, maudlin events that they currently are to celebratory send offs that they should be.
Beautiful, thanks for sharing Bianca. I loved reading how you looked after yourself ahead of your Nonna’s funeral, and how your eulogy came from that self-love for all to feel. It’s inspiring to hear how we look after ourselves can then have an effect on others as well.
Melissa I felt the same when reading the article and it showed me that even in the sadness and grief that so many others were feeling at a funeral – through the way we are with ourselves and love and care we take – we are offering an amazing support to them and to ourself.
This stood out to me too Melissa. Such a simple thing to do that had so much effect. Truly beautiful.
This was a stop and soak it up moment for me – ‘when I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me…’ Wow, Bianca, thank you for dropping such a gem. It makes it all make sense and puts a true value on the commitment and consistency with which we choose to live.
And the converse is also true, when things get tough, or overwhelming, and seemingly don’t go my way, if I am honest, can I not also see the absence of loving choices, those that I have not made that week?
Thank you Bianca you sharing your experience touched me deeply and brought tears to my eyes. So amazing how by supporting yourself with loving choices leading up to the funeral, you could then support others with the way you were able to express – what a blessing!
Wow Bianca, how you honoured yourself and your relationship with your Nonna was so beautiful and deeply touching to feel in your blog. I love what you realised here – “As I pondered on how attending Nonna’s funeral might be, I realised that the only thing I could do on the day was to accept what I and everyone around me was feeling.” This is such a powerful point I will take away from this, especially in situations where there is a lot of emotions coming up.
Thank-you for sharing your amazing experience with me. You honoured both yourself and your Nonna by your loving choices to be fully present. I am sure your presence was a great blessing to all who gathered to farewell Nonna on the day.
Choosing love over emotions, the ‘right ‘ way to act at funerals are often governed by social mores. Terrific Bianca that you have shone light on the path of how to feel true and be with love.
Grief would be far less impacting for others should such a choice be made. Thank you this is healing for me
What a beautiful testament to the power of presence, honouring and self love. Thank you Bianca, absolutely beautiful.
Bianca, I love how you made the focus about honouring your Nonna and at the same time honouring you. How gorgeous for all who were touched by this love that of course was reflected back as friends and family shared back with you. A true testament that funerals do not have to be about emotion. What a healing for yourself and others to simply allow yourself to feel what was there and to accept it all.
Wow Bianca, your dedication to consistent presence with you during the week before the funeral had such a profound effect on your experience and expression to be a healing for all. It shows strongly how one person dedicated to self love and loving choices can inspire and lift others to be more loving and connect to a deeper level, past the emotions they are experiencing.
Beautifully said Zoe and very true. One person focussing on their presence and honouring themselves can and does inspire others to lift themselves out of their emotions and connect to a deeper place within them. We are such powerful mirrors and when one person fully claims their own love, the mirror shines brightly and people can see more of their true selves in the reflection.
I love how your livingness allowed you celebrate your Grandmother’s life rather than only mourn her death. When we feel connected to another and are able to hold them in our heart they are never gone just existing in a different plane.
Hi Bianca, lovely article to share. I love it how the loving choices you made prior to the funeral were with you and supported you through the emotional heaviness that surrounded you at the funeral. Every loving choice supports us to feel confident and solid in the moment, and the opposite is also true, when we disregard or dishonour the way we feel we end up feeling anxious and unsure about ourselves in life.
Bianca, reading this I could really feel the quality of what you were able to offer others by attending to yourself so tenderly. The love, strength, joy and playfulness you were able to connect to in this challenging time would have been a burst of warmth in an otherwise bleak landscape and what you were radiating would have warmed the hearts of everyone present, including your Nonna. It has made me really appreciate that in death there is always the offer of love if we choose to accept. Thankyou.
I love the way you have summed up Bianca’s blog, Liane. The burst of warmth that Bianca brought to everyone is palpable and most inspiring, proving that love really is the trump card.
Thanks, Liane, I really like what you say here – “in death there is always the offer of love if we choose to accept” – as it reminds me that death and dying is no different from any other moment in life. The love is there always, it is simply up to us whether we connect to it or let things get in the way to separate us from it. It is beautiful to read how Bianca chose to claim the love for herself and her grandmother during this time.
To me it felt that whilst in the week prior to the funeral you made very loving choices to support yourself, the choice for that perhaps came from the openness you chose in your life long relationship with Nonna, expressing your love for each other playfully. Beautiful.
Wow, thank you Bianca, your sharing is so inspiring in many ways, from your own dedication and preparation in the lead up, to your presence and expression at the funeral. The deep connection, love and joy held between you and your Nonna was there to share with all at the funeral which was incredibly powerful. You have shared with us how funerals do not have to be emotional and sad but a rejoicing and celebration of the person and our connection with them.
Thank you Bianca for showing us there is another way, and how by your love and commitment you brought a healing and joy to what could have been a difficult situation. I really love, ‘When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all, even though I could feel the heavy sadness and grief that was present’. How beautiful.
Bianca this is such a lovely experience you have had and I thank you deeply for sharing it with me, I can also appreciate that this experience has not been left to that day and as your presence and quality of just being the loveliness you are grew over that week, the opportunity to deepen further is now also there. It’s truly inspiring how your way of living was so simple and yet so profound in the way you beautifully supported all others at the funeral and around you in that same quality. Thank you Bianca, I am sure to remember this in many situations to come.
Wow, what a joyfull way to be everyday. It is amazing to see how your way of living in preparation for the funeral can be applied to every event in our lives. Very inspiring! Thanks Bianca 🙂
I love the way you call your Grandmother ‘Nonna’. It is so affectionate and tells of your deep love for her. And your love extended to accepting her death and celebrating the wonderful woman she was. Very touching.
Thank you Rebecca, we did share much affection. Most of the time I called my Nonna cheeky lady because she was so very cheeky. I loved this about her and she loved that I called her this! There was such a sparkle about my Nonna which she kept hidden from most people but with her grandchildren it was like she felt safe to let this part of her out.
That is beautiful Bianca, how special is our role then to reflect true love to those people who may only ever hear it from us! As I am sure we all have such a person or persons within our lives. Also the time of my mums recent passing was a game-changer for me in that it supported me to stop and feel what matters and what doesn’t!
I really loved reading your blog and the love and dedication you showed towards yourself stands out and speaks for itself. Your experience has shown that, what is usually a very emotional and most often dreaded situation can in fact be joyful and light. Thank you Bianca, very inspiring.
Bianca I love what you have shared here, your deep love for your Nonna and the love you both shared together is beautiful and tangible. What a breath of fresh air you were to every one on the day. You were able to stay with yourself and bring that much needed lightness and freshness to the others who were also present. You have shown us that funerals do need to feel heavy and tragic when in truth we can choose to celebrate a life lived. It is in true celebration that we feel the bigger picture.
I agree, Samantha. What I can feel in Bianca’s sharing is a celebration of many things – of life, love and the depth of connection that is possible with ourselves and each other.
Such a beautiful sharing Bianca thankyou. Funerals have always been a hard one for me as I decided early on that I did not want to take part in this process ,as I felt all the grief and sadness to be a selfish one ,of all that individual had not expressed to the dead person while they were alive and they were feeling a lost chance that could not be taken at death and others that you knew, did not even respect the dead person and also I did not see the connection to the dead body being the person so all this was going on over a bit of dead flesh . Is it possible that death is just another part of life ,as would we go to sleep at the and of the day we go to sleep at the end of this life to reawaken in a new day or life and its all about living a full life and expressing all that is to express and connect with all there is to connect to and as you have shown here Bianca to celebrate every moment, thankyou.
Bianca, what a beautiful sharing. Your choice to be deeply loving and tender with yourself so that you could appreciate and celebrate the wonderful woman your Nona was, was actually a choice you made for everyone at that funeral. Your ability to bring all of that to your eulogy cleared the fog of grief for them all and allowed them to experience what you were and not be weighed down by the emotion. It became an opportunity for them to celebrate your Nona and her life also. How truly loving and amazing.
It was wonderful to read how you listened to your body and supported yourself with loving choices through a usually physically and emotionally difficult time. The love you gave yourself enabled you to express deeply and allow everyone else to connect to that love. Thank you for sharing how you transformed a deeply emotional time to a wonderful celebration of your Nonna’s life .
Hi Bianca, In this blog it feels like every word was chosen with the utmost care and tenderness so that it would reflect the truth you were sharing. A beautiful blog showing what we can share with others when we choose to be ourselves.
Your experience of ‘choosing love’ in all aspects of your life in the lead up to the funeral is inspiring in it’s simplicity Bianca. And with this giving others the opportunity to feel the grace that life and death offers, through your loving commitment to self-care, awareness and presence.
Hello Bianca, this is a great sharing and with the eloquent explanation of how you’ve chosen to live and care for yourself, one clearly sees how beautiful this is – for you and all of your loved ones.
So true Monica, it is the care along the journey that’s vital! I am learning that we don’t need an event to bring dedication and commitment to living with more love and presence. Everyday is an opportunity to build this loving momentum and this supports your whole life to be the event.
Thank you, Bianca for a truly inspiring blog. I can feel the gentleness you carry as I read it. I lost someone very close almost exactly a year ago and I found that working on conscious presence consistently helped me immensely, especially at times when those around me were overwhelmed by grief. However, it would have been wonderful to have read your article a year ago and thus have been able to follow the example you have given of how to really be loving oneself in a time of bereavement.
It is so beautiful what you share about your loving relationship to your Nonna and to yourself, and how this Love is caring and opens up space for everyone attending the funeral. It feels like your Nonna and you formed and held that day together. Thank you for your sharing here.
Reading this made me go all Wow! So inspiring how you expressed yourself at the funeral and how you lovingly prepared yourself for it. It also made me think of funerals I have attended mostly when I was a child. I could always feel that there was pressure of having to be sad otherwise you had not truly loved the person who had died. Reading this blog totally washed that pressure away and I can feel how amazing it is to truly appreciate the person instead of being overwhelmed by sadness. Thank you.
Great point Lieke; it’s almost like there is a pressure/expectation to be depressed at a funeral… By all means it is important to honour the death, but often there can be little appreciation for a life of joy.
I agree, Lieke. This blog is really breaking through something that we have accepted as the norm, freeing us up to celebrate the person’s life rather than feel we have to be in mourning.
Wow Bianca, the true love and care you’ve shown for yourself here, feels so beautiful and is deeply inspiring. ‘When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me…’ I could feel the immense power in this. What amazing support to have, that is of your own making, through your loving choices. Being in constant appreciation of the choices you were making for yourself around this week have shown me just how important it is that we appreciate even the smallest of moments we bring to ourselves as another level of support. Thank you.
The loving foundation you had built in both your relationship with yourself and your relationship with your grandmother allowed you to celebrate and enjoy her life and the people around you when she passed. That is absolutely incredible, thank you Bianca.
Beautifully expressed Bianca, the love and tenderness in your words stands out a mile. This is a great example of how our behaviours can affect so many. The love and dedication you gave yourself in the lead up to the funeral meant that everyone there received that same love and dedication and what could have easily turned out to be a emotionally draining experience, became what a funeral should be…the celebration of someones life.
What blessing for your family! I can feel the love that you write with and the love and steadiness that you had when at the funeral and speaking in front of everyone. Truly amazing. Thank you Bianca
It’s amazing what our loving choices can lead to.
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful example of how living and listening to and with your body can support us and those around us even when situations can be heavy or emotional.
Gorgeous to read such a lovingly supportive exposition, showing us there is another way to be in life when we are faceing situations with potential to overwhelm. Beautiful expression and super practical to read, I was with you every loving step of the way. I love this line…’. My daily walks were such an amazing support…the fresh air, feeling the sunshine on my skin and watching the birds dance through the sky brought a feeling of harmony to my body that was very soothing’….thank you Bianca
What a beautiful and tenderly written blog Bianca. I so connected with this part : “When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all … ” This is just beautiful and an awesome reminder for me to ponder upon in every day life too – the choices I make in a day will walk with me wherever I go or whatever I do or whoever I meet that day.
Thank you Bianca, for your hugely insightful and deeply moving sharing.
So full of grace Karina!
Thanks for this Bianca. As I read the part where you introduced connecting with the body and lying down if you were tired and not pushing through, I let go of the tension and holding in my back and my whole body began to relax. Amazing how within your words is the energy of what those words express … it certainly came through as I read it. Beautiful how you carried your loving energy right through the funeral and it flowed onto others … magical.
This is so true Paul, ‘Amazing how within your words is the energy of what those words express … it certainly came through as I read it. Beautiful how you carried your loving energy right through the funeral and it flowed onto others … magical.’ Your comment helps me to understand energy and that words are not just words but that they too are energy.
This is a really great example of how one person can make such a difference in what is usually a very difficult situation. It seems that you bought a lightness of heart when others would be heavy of heart, but not by trying to change them, but by honouring how you and others felt. This is very gorgeous to read, and shows how a funeral can truly be a celebration of someones life.
So true Laura…’a lightness of heart’, I love that. By Bianca choosing to honour herself first, she was able to bring that to others. One person really can make a difference.
Very true Laura, Bianca brought a huge blessing to all those who attended. This blog show the responsibility we all have in making a difference by the way we lovingly look after ourselves.
Bianca, this is so beautiful. I can feel your gentleness and tenderness in your words, and the grace and love that you took to the funeral. Such a gift to yourself, all at the funeral and for ‘Nonna’. Deeply inspiring. Thank you.
Thank you, Bianca, for your beautiful article. It is amazing, is it not, how your loving dedication and commitment to yourself brought such a gift to all at the funeral. Recently a relative of mine has passed away. I told myself “I don’t do funerals”, but your article has given me a new insight into attending, rather than get swallowed up by others’ emotions I can take my love along instead.
p.s.
This sentence – “There was no perfection, only a loving dedication and commitment” has inspired me to stop trying for perfection and just BE LOVE! Thank-you.
Great point Sandra, funerals can be an opportunity to celebrate and express love, rather than become ‘swallowed up by others’ emotions’.
Thank you Bianca for sharing how you were preparing the funeral in taking care for yourself and as a consequence bring so much lightness to the funeral.
This is a beautiful and inspiring blog, I really like that you chose to, ‘to live in a way that supported me to deeply care for and nurture myself’, and that you, ‘brought my presence to every moment’. This deeply loving care that you chose, stayed with you and supported all in a loving way.
Bianca, thank you for sharing this great example of how you build your presence over the days before the funeral and how this strong connection with yourself supported you and all the others attending. Instead of having a sad and emotional driven day you made this funeral into a celebration of your Nonna’s life that lovingly had come to an end.
I agree Nico, Bianca has really shown us just how effective it is to build presence and quality to support us through a challenging event and what an amazing affect it has on everyone not just herself. Bianca was choosing to deeply honour and celebrate life everyday before the funeral and walked in the door with this celebration in her body, for all to feel and uplifted by.
Dear Bianca I love what you share here. You showed us a supportive way to prepare for a funeral and not a way what is draining and exhausting – this is very inspiring. But the best thing I find is, that also the guest got a benefit from your loving way – how beautiful is that!!!
This is so beautiful and tender to read, it was lovely to feel the connection and love you had for each other. Thank you for sharing the intimacy you had with you, and the intimacy of your relationship.
Thankyou so much for sharing your different experience of your Nonnas funeral. It was beautiful to read and also beautiful to reflect how I was recently at my own Nanas funeral. My Nana was such a beautiful women, so accepting of every single person she met, never judging. Everyone that met her loved her and so at the funeral there were lots of people and all very sad for her passing. I too was sad, and I’m grateful that I had the chance to express to her at the end what she meant to me as I, unlike you was not very open in expressing this. I wrote it in a letter and read it out to her while she was laying in her bed. As we knew she was very sick. This was such a great healing for me to really open up and share that I loved her deeply and appreciated everything she has done for me. This also inspired my brothers and sister to write her letters and read them to her. When it came to her passing it was very sad, but I also felt so much joy in that I knew she left with nothing unsaid, and was beautiful to come together with the family to celebrate her life and the wonderful woman she was rather than become depressed which is not at all what she would have wanted. She asked that everyone wear colour to her funeral and we all did. It was a beautiful day sharing and connecting with the rest of the family and brought us all closer together.
This is beautiful Rebekah, thank you for sharing your experience. I love how your openness to express how you felt about your Nana inspired other members of your family to express their love for her too. What a beautiful healing experience for you all.
Thank you for sharing Rebekah. What struck me is how important it is to leave nothing unsaid, otherwise we are filled with regret, with the sadness/grieivng process possibly taking longer. Was lovely to read how in a letter you expressed what you needed to express, and at the same time providing inspiration for other family members to do the same; lots of healing taking place. So simple and beautiful.
This is beautiful Bianca, in the way that your experience cracks through the heavy and weighted believes about death and funerals. I too have felt that I have to be sad to show how much I care. This is so not true! The love we have for someone else will always be reflective of the depth of love we already have for ourselves…I love the way you took care of yourself allowing you to open up to the love in your Nonna, which then became easy to share and express.
Thank you for sharing this Bianca, I also recently prepared myself with greater awareness to attend my father’s funeral – in the past funerals have felt heavy and ‘awful’ because I allowed myself to be affected by other’s emotions and the eulogies were empty; but this was very loving – the minister spoke from her heart about the inner light and I felt we all shared a very tender day. Taking that level of care for myself felt truly loving, and as I personally greeted a never-ending stream of family, friends and aquaintances, this quality was not lost on me.
Reading this blog reminded me of how I felt when attending funerals as a young girl & even as a teenager & young adult. I thought that there was something wrong with me that I wasn’t in overwhelming sadness like everyone around me. I really tried to feel sad inside & asked myself if I was unfeeling, uncaring or if I didn’t really love the person. Now in my 40’s, I finally understand that it is okay to appreciate the connection I had with someone, at the same time as feeling okay to let them go. That although I will miss them & may feel a little sad for my loss, there is nothing wrong with me if I am not absolutely devastated. Thank you, Bianca.
This is lovely Carmin, ‘I finally understand that it is okay to appreciate the connection I had with someone, at the same time as feeling okay to let them go’, very simply and beautifully written.
Dear Bianca, thank you for sharing your experience. Funerals can be such a difficult and emotive time. What you share here is mostly unheard of! Look at the power one person can contribute when we start paying attention to ourselves. How you lived in preparation for the funeral had tremendous benefits for everyone. I’m really inspired by this – thank YOU.
I love how you express in this blog Bianca. To build moments upon moments of loving choices seems like such a great way to build a life full of appreciation. Something you obviously brought to the celebration of someone dear to you and how much everyone at the funeral was able to enjoy and appreciate your expression of this love.
Bianca thank you for sharing such a very beautiful practical way to lovingly care for yourself and others. While you share your experience I can feel your sharing of the truth of how you have been living and this applies for everyday living no matter what the circumstances. I can feel how incredibly important it is to stay totally with ourselves in every moment so we are as prepared as possible and with ourselves as best we can when the next moment arrives – no matter what information is revealed in that moment. Deeply inspiring, thank you.
I love what you have written here Sandra, “I can feel how incredibly important it is to stay totally with ourselves in every moment so we are as prepared as possible and with ourselves as best we can when the next moment arrives – no matter what information is revealed in that moment.” This is so true, to be with ourselves in every moment and aware of how we are feeling allows us to be ready for whatever life brings to us.
Bianca I love the way you tenderly and gently prepared yourself for the funeral it was really inspiring, I could really feel the moment by moment care you took to be with you so that you could then delivery your eulogy and share the love you had for Nonna. Thank you Bianca your blog was a joy to read.
How often do we say we will be most sad from the passing of those most close to us? And we say this is because we love them the most. But this blog clearly and simply shows what true love is – the ability to have a close connection with someone and full acceptance of them and their life, with no need or expectation in sight. Then maybe if we develop this kind of love with our loved ones, this means their passing might feel more like a celebration of that love and connection rather than just sadness and grief.
Thankyou for sharing such a beautiful experience for you Bianca .
Thank you for sharing your choices and experiences, very inspiring to read and to feel the love and the holding of this love for everyone equal.
Bianca what a deeply confirming and inspiring account of the care and love you took for yourself and the difference this had on everyone you met. It’s inspiring because even though at this point in time I don’t have a funeral to attend I can certainly feel that great difference your loving commitment made and how anything is possible if you truly take that care for yourself.
I love how you say “I was not alone” Bianca, because all the week’s self loving choices were with you. Looking back at the funeral of my late husband I realise how alone I felt, because at that time I could not feel my own love. I filled the empty space inside with anger, and even that I did not feel, only was told later by others who observed me from outside. I have since had great support from Universal Medicine and what that has given me is priceless, for it is the ability to recognise where I get in the way of feeling that love in me that I am, which is always there, and enable me to feel its presence, and so I will not be alone.
I agree Joan you have a lot of wisdom to share with this. If we allow ourselves to feel the love that we are rather than looking for another to fill a space then we will never truly be alone.
This is great Oliver: “If we allow ourselves to feel the love that we are rather than looking for another to fill a space then we will never truly be alone.” Love it
Thank you, Bianca, for sharing this beautiful account. How you took care of yourself and everything in the days leading up to your Nonna’s funeral is super inspiring, and a great example of how to truly honour yourself in challenging situations.
I so feel this too Janet, – “… a great example of how to truly honour yourself in challenging situations”, and we can take this into everyday life too.
what an amazing way to live and support the death of a family member. By loving yourself – you made it possible to hold everyone else in love at a time when sadness is all around. This is so inspiring and I just loved reading how others were inspired to remember you noons as she was in. Her joy.
To read and feel your dedication at this time is an amazing inspiration Bianca.
Bianca, I love how you devoted so much ‘time’ to yourself to truly honour whatever you body was calling for and how this totally supported you at Nonna’s Celebration of her Life (funeral).
A beautiful reflection for our daily living – conscious presence and ever developing awareness with our body.
Thank you!
Thank you Bianca for this amazing and beautiful blog. It is so beautiful to feel that it is what you bring to a situation through what you live, that has enormous power on how the situation does feel for everyone. Whilst I worked in an elderly people’s home there was often a feeling of resignation and decline present. For the residents it brought amazing changes if they suddenly started to see again and appreciate what beauty and possibilities were still present in their lives. This lead not only to a much brighter approach towards each and every day, but for most meant that their overall health would gradually improve again. This has been very beautiful and inspiring to witness for me and taught me that in life there is always beauty and love – you only have to choose to see it and let it in.
This is gorgeous Michael. Thank you for sharing.
Several of my clients work in elderly people’s homes and so I have been hearing about what it is like in there and what is involved – a whole new world for me to hear about. As I read your words I felt that it would be amazing for all of you who have had this experience to put together an inspiring book for those who work in nursing homes. This could wholly transform the way our elderly are cared for and the manner in which they pass over, giving them a real chance to feel the possibility of living anther way.
This is beautiful, Michael – “in life there is always beauty and love – you only have to choose to see it and let it in” – and gather all of our life experiences and our relationship to death and dying into a simple a profound truth.
Thanks for sharing this Michael, ‘Whilst I worked in an elderly people’s home there was often a feeling of resignation and decline present. For the residents it brought amazing changes if they suddenly started to see again and appreciate what beauty and possibilities were still present in their lives,’ I work with elderly people caring for them in their homes, and it is very inspiring to read what you have written here.
Beautiful Micheal, and if I may add, in death there is always beauty, love and grace too, and so much healing and blessings, if we are open and willing to see it, accept it and let it in.
Absolutely Jacqueline! Forty years ago I was present with my father in hospital, holding his hand the day he passed over. He had asked me for some healing and then lapsed into unconsciousness. When he passed over an incredible joy filled the room. I stayed there for some time bathing in this joy, this stillness and grace,before I went to inform the nurses that he had gone. I will never forget this experience as long as I live – I had always known that death was not the end, but experiencing my father’s passing over hugely expanded my understanding of death.
Choosing to see beauty and love in every situation….. Beautiful Michael.
This is absolutely beautiful Bianca. It shows how when we make loving choices with ourselves we not only deeply support ourselves but others equally so.
A beautiful blog. Thank you for sharing this Bianca. “Every loving choice I had made that week was with me” Such a gentle reminder of how by choosing love, love is with us. It really is that simple.
Bianca,
I can feel how powerful is the love which you have developed in yourself to share with others. I have felt the effect one person in their own stillness/centeredness can have on a whole room of people and I love how you describe this experience in a funeral setting.
I know that what you describe is how I would like to nurture and grieve and heal myself through the loss of a loved one. Reading your story, I can just feel how you shifted the atmosphere from the heavy or overwhelming sadness to more of a celebration of your Nonna’s life, not only for yourself but for all present. Beautiful.
I can relate to what you share Michelle, “I find that I am constantly living with a tension because I don’t want to be where I am at as I always want to be more.” I agree that through Bianca’s article we have been reminded of the power of accepting where we are at and to honour it with presence and self nurture. So much grace for self and for others results from that starting point.
A great reminder to let go of always wanting to be more, and to simply accept where we are at and honour that with our presence and love.
I am deeply touched by your blog Bianca, thank you from my heart for you sharing this. The way you consistently developed self-loving choices, prepared your self, an inner strength, accepted you, the feelings and how things would be and was a true inspiration for all at the funeral and days to come. The deep love for your Nonna is like a foundation for all. For me this is an inspiration as a young friend just died and my dear aunt died not long ago, thank you so much Bianca.
Absolutely Cathrine.
I loved reading your blog, Bianca. I can totally relate to what you are saying as I come from an Italian background too. I witnessed any form of emotional drama… It is so beautiful to feel how your commitment to make loving choices and staying with you the all time allowed a presence that was true and real. You offered a very healing reflection to everyone there. And, they definitely felt it. Thank you.
That was lovely Bianca,
So tender and loving the description of your relationship with yourself and your grandmother.
I was with my grandmother as she died 3 yrs. ago anticipating I would feel deep grief.
To my surprise I just felt joy and love, I had no regrets only a deep feeling of love and appreciation for what we shared.
Thanks to the healing sessions with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I found dying a beautiful experience to remain open to with my grandmother not something to fear and shy away from. I felt like I had been given a gift to be truly open in her presence.
This is very timely fior me to read Bianca, I recently lost a client that I was close to and at times I felt a lot of sadness leading upto his passing away, but when I did stay present and not choose to go into this sadness and just accepted his choices and did not go into any drama around it it felt much more true and loving. It feels like there is almost an expectation that we should feel sad when someone we love dies, rather than celebrate them and accept their passing away.
I agree Rebecca. I recently met a young man in his early teens whose grandmother had just died. He didn’t feel that he should laugh any more and wondered how long this ought to last.
Very true Rebecca. Thank you.
This is beautiful Bianca, how by connecting and being with yourself in everything you were doing you were able to bring all that with you to your Nonna’s funeral
To express from your heart about your Nonna’s life you have presented a new way for those who attended to be able to accept her passing over and not let the sadness overwhelm them.
Thanks Bianca for a truly beautiful blog of your experience. I like how much presence and tenderness you gave to truly support yourself prior to your Nonna’s funeral. It felt so truly loving your connection with her and all others that were at the funeral – so blessed to be in your presence.
What an amazing experience full of love you share here, I have experienced a lot of funerals full of emotions and being ‘taken’ by that. That changed when I started bringing in the awareness of how my body felt, like you expressed above bringing presence to every moment. What also has been very supportive for me when attending funerals is breathing my own breath, by breathing gently through my nose.
There were two lines that really stood out to me in this blog Bianca, the first:
‘I had this belief that the amount of sadness I felt would equate to how much I loved the person’.
This resonated, because recently someone fairly close to me, yet someone with whom I’ve always had a fairly strained relationship with, was diagnosed quite ill (possibly terminally)… and because I must have had that same belief (to some degree) I have been quite surprised at all the tears that have flowed from me.
The second was this Beauty:
‘I realised that the only thing I could do on the day was to accept what I and everyone around me was feeling.’ Such grace and acceptance! A lesson worthy of consideration!
In everything in between these two golden lines, I could simply feel your beauty radiating.
“In everything in between these two golden lines, I could simply feel your beauty radiating” Pernilla, I could feel that too, which makes it very clear to me that once energy has been set in motion, it doesn’t stop simply because the date has changed. Which really brings it home to me just how responsible we need to be when creating anything because out it goes and on it goes for everyone to feel and experience.
What a beautiful experience that must have been for you, to be so connected to your and your Nonna’s love, at the funeral. I love how you could reach into the hearts of all the other people with your clear and truthful expression.
In love we are all connected, and they could feel that.
What a beautiful farewell gift you gave your grandmother. Reminding yourself and others of her love and love of life that you had shared, a loving memory that will always be with you.
I agree that is a beauitful farewell gift for Biancas grandmother, in memory of the love that was shared.
So beautiful and heartfelt !
It really helped me see and feel that a funeral which most people dread can actually be an opportunity to give everyone present a blessing of love.
Great sharing on how you prepared for the funeral so that you were fully present and open to all on the day without being caught in a sea on deep emotion.
What a gift to give to your family, relatives and friends to show them another way of ‘being’ at a funeral. You gave them connection and truth rather than the usual emotion and overwhelm. And so a sad occasion became a celebration of your Noona.
A truly beautiful and inspiring sharing. Reading this I can feel the depth of the love that you brought to the funeral and shared in your eulogy. You demonstrate so clearly the significance and importance of how taking loving self-care of oneself establishes the foundation of the love and inspiration we can bring to others, and therefore how each of us can do this in everything we do. Thank you Bianca
Love how you have summed this up Jonathan – it helps to deepen it within us, and not pass over it saying ‘yeah yeah, I know that’. Beautiful.
So beautiful Bianca, an inspiring sharing of you taking care of you and how this supported you greatly.
“When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all, even though I could feel the heavy sadness and grief that was present.”
When I read this the love for yourself and others was truly felt. Thank you.
I agree with you Beverley, what a wonderful expression from Bianca regarding not being alone when she walked into the church, but all the loving choices she had made during the previous week were with her. Wonderful that she prepared herself during the preceding week by constantly being with herself in everything that she did, what a great sharing of the love she had built in preparing herself. And that great love would have been felt by all who were present at her Nona’s funeral.
Hi Bianca, its inspiring to read that your Nonna’s funeral was a such a beautiful experience for you. I loved the line where you say ‘When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me.’ I expect to feel others are with me, but sometimes forget to be with myself. A lovely reminder.
Simplicity, and keeping things simple can offer or bring so much support in such times of the passing of a loved one, as you have tenderly described Bianca. Just listening to ones body and what it needs is super self supportive and loving to help stay with oneself and not get lost in the emotions or heaviness that is often present at these times. I love this line: ‘ When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all, even though I could feel the heavy sadness and grief that was present’. It only ever takes one person to provide clarity and space to allow others to feel the love and grace that is present for all when we lose a loved one. Beautiuful and inspirational.
Hi Bianca, your Grandmother sounded like a truly wonderful person and so do you, your commitment to yourself in the lead up to the funeral was inspiring and your support for others very loving.
This is gorgeous, I had a very similar experience when my Nana passed away and instead of making this a sad and grieving experience, it was actually so beautiful to express my love and care to Nana and all family members that were also feeling very sensitive. It’s a beautiful time to be with each other, care for ourselves and each other and express the love we feel for another person that has been a light in our life.
‘It’s a beautiful time to be with each other, care for ourselves and each other and express the love we feel for another person that has been a light in our life.’ That pretty much sums it all up Ariel, a great way to look at how we can be when we lose someone close to us in life.
Bianca that was so beautiful to read, I loved how you talked about bringing all of your loving choices with you and how this changed how you held everyone and yourself. Your story shares how important our choices are if we are to bring all of us to every situation.
This is such a beautiful blog Bianca – with such grace expressed. I loved that you told cheeky stories about your Nonna which led to the family to celebrate their loving connection and appreciation for all they shared with her.
Your words: ‘As I pondered on how attending Nonna’s funeral might be, I realised that the only thing I could do on the day was to accept what I and everyone around me was feeling ‘ are very healing for all. Again you have brought in your power of grace which leaves everyone to simply feel and be. Beautiful!
Such a beautiful blog, Bianca, thank you for sharing your journey with us, very inspiring to read how you changed the ‘funeral energy’ with you loving choices. I too was struck by that line Lyndy picked out about acceptance. Truly a key that unlocks many doors, to simply accept the feelings of ourselves and others.
Such an inspiring blog Bianca, especially on the subject of funeral. Truly how we are feeling within us when allowed to be expressed dissolves the mould of how things should or have to be, how so much more space and freedom then!
Beautifully said Adele
Yes so true Adele, when we do truly express from our inner feelings, it does dissolve all those tightly held beliefs and habits that we hold about how we should live life. We can bring so much light and space and freedom just from stopping a moment to truly feel what is truly required and then supporting ourselves to deliver it.
Hear Hear, Rowena.
Amazing Bianca. I can feel your dedication and commitment to being you. It is truly inspiring. Thank you
Thank you, Bianca. This is awesome. “I felt how simple it was to live this way and how every moment was building on the next, nothing felt separate or disconnected” – I love this. Such a great reminder.
Thank you Bianca for sharing how you so lovingly prepared for your beloved Nonna’s funeral. You certainly demonstrated how you were able to change the whole atmosphere of what was a sad occasion into one of such loving memories for everyone present. Your attention to preparing yourself, with such loving attention to being present and building your awareness during the week of preparation was the key to how you were able to be on the actual day. And the beauty of that is of course, that that higher level of presence and awareness for you is there for all time now for you to further build on. You are a truly amazing woman.
Thank you Beverley. I too love that the beauty of this day and the love, presence and awareness I felt is forever there for me to build on.
Bianca, this is gorgeous and very inspiring. Every word you’ve expressed here is full of love… the love you felt for your Nonna, the love for your family and others attending Nonna’s funeral and this love was held by, above all, the love you hold yourself in. It almost feels like the passing of your Nonna has brought the new birth of the true you. As I read your words I could feel this love wash over me, holding me in its exquisitely gentle embrace. All who come in contact with you are truly blessed. I too have experienced how supportive it is to live in the presence and awareness of my body, and your words have inspired me further to deepen this awareness and connection. Thank you.
What a beautiful sharing and how suitable this blog is on a site called Everyday Livingness. I can feel how deeply you honoured your family, grandmother and of course yourself through your everyday livingness.
Bianca this is a very lovely and inspiring blog, showing how making loving choices for ourselves and staying present with what we are doing every day builds such support for us in the big life events. On the day of the funeral you focused on the love you felt for your Nonna, as well as the joy she brought, while honouring the sadness at losing her, and this enabled others to feel their love too.
Bianca what a beautiful blog. I love how you deeply nurtured yourself leading up to the funeral and were thus able to bring the joy of the deeply loving connection with your Nonna to everyone present, thus inspiring them to also feel their love for her and celebrate what they shared.
What you write here Bianca is absolutely stunning. It has allowed me to reflect on the passing of my Nana (1 year ago) and how the experience really was for me. On the day I resorted to dairy, gluten and sugar while the rest of my family drank alcohol in the hope to sooth the hurt of loss. I didn’t feel the sense of honouring you so lovingly present here, and was not clear enough to speak up and share about my gorgeous and very special relationship with my Nana. I can feel the potential of how it could have been and more importantly, how I can be with myself in every moment. Thank you for this opportunity.
Wow Bianca this is so beautiful, and all you share is tangible, I can feel the space you created for yourself and that it was full of your warmth and presence and all your choices were with you. This is a game changer and inspires my choice of quality for right now. Whole different slant in paying it forward…awesome.
I agree Kate and I love your reference to taking a new look at ‘paying it forward’. I hadn’t heard this phrase for a while but it’s a great way to look at what happens when we take the time to stay present and honouring with ourselves and then the ripple effects are felt by all.
Very powerful blog Bianca – the difference that it makes in our everyday connections to be first self-loving / self-honouring is enormous. The way the simple art of conscious presence establishes a foundation within that holds us in a loving state and allows us to go forth into the world without reservation of being hurt. or overwhelmed by circumstance. Beautiful account of what is possible.
I so agree Melinda. And what I feel is so powerful about this (beginning to self-love / self-care) is that it can support all of our relationships and also any event or circumstance in our lives.
So true Melinda and Angela, and I love the way Bianca expressed exactly this in such a potentially difficult situation as a funeral: “When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all”.
Wow Bianca I am blown away by your description of how honouring all your daily choices allowed you to be really present and honour yours and everyone’s connection and love for your Nonna. Such a practical living example of how it is the quality of our everyday livingness that supports intimacy with ourselves and other people. Big thank you
Well said Jenny! “It is the quality of our everyday livingness that supports intimacy with ourselves and others”. I am learning more and more that every moment is connected & equal to the next, no moment more special than another because it is all one.
Hi Jenny – it certainly is a practical, small every day thing we can do that makes a big difference.
This teaches me that I can’t have the impatience of seeing big changes straight away – it will only be offered through a consistent way of living.
‘it is the quality of our everyday livingness that supports intimacy with ourselves and other people’ – Very well said Jenny, and it is amazing to hear Bianca’s account of just how amazing relationships can be when we approach them this way.
Thank you for sharing Michelle. Your closing comment “dare I say it – joyful’ reminded me of something I have been really feeling lately- Why do we feel embarrassed about saying we are joyful? Is it because we look around at the way people can be living joy-less-ly and then make the fact that we feel joy-full something that is weird or wrong. Do we then go into hiding or dulling our joy so we don’t cause a reaction in people. I know I have certainly chosen to not be in the full joy of how I am feeling because I am sad that others are not feeling this way too. In this choice I dismiss the fact that everyone’s natural state is to feel joy and that we all have the free will to make choices in life that effect the way we feel. I am learning to accept myself and others more and not dull myself down when I fell full of joy 🙂
Thank you for sharing Bianca – So beautiful how you gently prepared yourself lovingly so before during and after the funeral. What a reflection for all around to feel.
Yes I agree it is great how you prepared yourself, before, during and after. Great for us to feel.
That Bianca’s self care and deep connection was shared with, and felt by so many, is absolutely beautiful and so inspiring. Peoples lives can’t help but be affected when we live and express the love that we truly are.
Thank you Bianca for sharing this inspiring story, I love this ‘My deeply caring and loving choices leading up to the funeral allowed me to stay open and present all day and to express without reservation’.
You have nailed it, Jane! The way we live every day is how we need to face everything life presents to us. This blog, the comments and your words Jane are an inspiration for myself, that is soon attending a funeral of someone that has chosen the E-ticket ride option to jump to the head of the queue on the reincarnation ride. Not only will there be the emotions, sadness and grief… but the questions of why, how and looking to justify and blame someone or thing. I will bring my light and livingness.
What Bianca describes here shows how true dedication and commitment are deeply loving, bringing a magic all of their own, and that they are not the bind, or burden that they are sometimes wrongly assumed to be.
Well said Catherine.
Absolutely Catherine…there was not one speck of feeling burdened in my choice to bring loving presence and consistency in fact it was one of the most beautiful, joy-full and confirming weeks of my life thus far. I now know without a doubt that true dedication and commitment is the most natural and loving way to live and I will have this truth forever more in my body.
” When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all, even though I could feel the heavy sadness and grief that was present. ” What a gift that was not just for your self but all who were in attendance at your Nonna’s Funeral. Bianca thank you your sharing is certainly something very loving for us all.
I agree Kirsten such a beautyfull quote. It shows the power of our daily choices which can lovingly support us and in doing so everybody around us equally.
I agree also Janina and Kirsten – I can feel the truth of Love in the quote from Bianca’s article. What a blessing indeed it was for others present to feel the depth of that true love in Bianca’s Eulogy for her Nonna.
Thank you Kirsten. Walking in the church that day and feeling the level of love and support that was in my body was such a beautiful healing. During the funeral I got to feel tangibly the connection between all people and that the choices we make for ourself effects all others. In the past I would have thought this level of responsibility was a burden but in the lead up to the funeral and on the day I felt without a doubt that this level of responsibility is an absolute joy!
Oh Bianca, I can so relate to what you say here –embracing responsibility is an absolute joy. That word ‘responsibility’ has been so perverted from its real meaning to signify a burden, a load, and an onerous duty. it is another word we can claim back from the depths of the shadows.
Hear hear Lyndy “That word ‘responsibility’ has been so perverted from its real meaning to signify a burden, a load, and an onerous duty. It is another word we can claim back from the depths of the shadows.” ~ absolutely!!!
Thank you Bianca for putting responsibility in a new or different daylight of it being an absolute joy to feel that every choice we make and have made effects ourselves and others. Everybody felt the loving choices you made for yourself when you walked into the church and in offering that as a reflection others can make the same choices. Just like the angle you choose to present about Nonna, being one of love and appreciating your connection gave everybody the opportunity to connect to that for themselves.
Yes so true Monika, Bianca has brought a new light to bear on funerals and our attitude to death. She has shown us that it is a time to celebrate the person not mourn them, that it is important to focus on life and love through a loving daily rituals that honour us. The way people responded to Bianca shows us that inspiration arises not only from the words we speak, but how we live each day.
” In the past I would have thought this level of responsibility was a burden but in the lead up to the funeral and on the day I felt without a doubt that this level of responsibility is an absolute joy!” Totally agree Bianca we have been brought up with the belief that responsibility is a burden and one we have to carry, but as you have so lovingly shared this in “truth” not be the case. Imagine the world if, when one looked up the meaning of Responsibility in the dictionary it read:
“the quality or state of being responsible eg a) joyful b) joyous”
What a different world it would be.
I love your blog and what you say in this comment Bianca, that you thought that this deeper level of responsibility would be a burden. I believed that too but I agree how full of joy it actually is because of the natural connection we become aware of.
Bianca, I was drawn to re-visit your blog this morning and can feel the power and the strength of this love you had for your Nonna filtering out for all as your expression is appreciated. I felt the propensity for healing as others/we read your article – so very beautiful – thank you.
Bianca, this is a beautiful way to celebrate the life of someone you have shared so much of your life with and felt such deep love for. How lovely that you were able to express at Nonna’s service with such love and tenderness for all to really feel the truth of your words to dispel the heaviness that people were feeling.
An inspiration Bianca – thank you.
And so great that Bianca had an opportunity and a platform to share this here, so that we can all see that it is possible to not be completely overwhelmed by sadness and grief.
Bianca has sure shared there is a possible way not to be overwhelmed by sadness and grief.
Yes Shevon I agree – normally I do not like funerals because of all the overwhelm but Biancas way of being on a funeral showed me a possible way to not be completely overwhelmed and hard by all the sadness and grief.
Yes an Inspiration for all and to celebrate death in such a way is to allow the person who has passed to be free to go and they are not being held back by our emotional need of what that relationship gave us. Celebrating that person’s life and what they shared with you is very special.
What a beatifull blog, How you prepared yourself for the funeral is very inspiring, not getting lost in the sadness but celebrating you and your grandmother.
Yes I agree Benkt, funerals are there to celebrate the relationship with the person. The sadness feels very selfish and is of no true support to anyone.
There would, for most people, be a certain amount of sadness in losing the physical presence of someone dearly loved in one’s life and there would naturally be an adjustment to be made.
As Benkt says, it is about ‘not getting lost’ in that sadness, and celebrating the life you shared with that person. One’s true presence, as Bianca so beautifully writes about, is the magic ingredient. You may feel that there is some sadness in you or in others but you can also bring your full presence and love.
Very inspiring Blog thank you Bianca for sharing how you were able through a loving commitment to yourself to be able to be love at a funeral! Awesome!
It is amazing how much and how quickly our choices affect ourselves and those around us. Over time there is a big cumulative effect, which is absolutely wonderful. I agree with you Janina.
I agree Christoph and Janina. Our choices quickly affect those around us and it is beautiful to see how being our loving selves supports, not only us but all those around us too.
What a beautiful sharing, and such a perfect timing. We have just last week lost a member of our staff colleague who had been working at our hotel for 45 yrs, well before we came on board. She loved her job and was cheerful everday she came in, she never said no to anything. We have been remembering her for a joyous moments and the love she shared with us all.
This feels like a much more joyful and loving way to be at the time of someone passing over. There is much to celebrate in the life of a person. It is so much easier to feel this when you know without a doubt that this is not the end but a new phase in their life. By appreciating their life and qualities, it can inspire us to bring more of that into our lives and share that with others.
Bianca, I loved reading your blog and how the choices you made leading up to the funeral supported you on the day. How inspiring that through this connection to yourself in your eulogy speech you equally supported everyone there. Thank you for sharing and writing about the power that comes from choosing love and self-connection.
I so agree Rachel – “by choosing love and self-connection” – that is they key to all our interactions and being in every moment. A great reminder, thank you.
Indeed, it is inspiring how you supported yourself in the lead up and because of the support you gave yourself, you supported everyone at the funeral and wiped away the heavy sadness.
Dear Bianca,
In your writting I can feel how your dedication to choosing loving supportive choices for your self totally supported you as you lived the days leading to and of your Nonna’s funeral. To simply honor what you felt and express this as it arose is so beautiful. Thank you deeply for sharing this with is all.
What a beautiful choice you made for your self, Bianca. And for your Nonna. The memories of her that you shared with other people at her funeral were so uplifting. What a lovely memory you have given them.
Yes I felt it too Leigh and am deeply touched and grateful.
Funerals are always difficult occasions and it is normal for us to feel sad and grief for the loss of a loved one, and it’s very easy to be overcome by these emotions too. I like how you realised that you needed to allow yourself to feel what was needed for you to support yourself in the lead up to the funeral, and how you were able to express your love for your Grandmother, which allowed people to connect to her and her life and not just how sad they felt at their loss of this important woman in their lives.
well said, Rachel. Knowing that there is a way to feel grief and sadness that may arise when a loved one dies, but not feel overwhelmed or lost in those emotions – and to, at the same moment, feel the joy and love that you shared with the person who has passed on – is beautiful.
Beautifully expressed Rachel, sadness at the loss of a loved one is natural, but whats amazing about what is shared in this blog is the possibility of not letting grief overcome you but to instead connect to the joy of the person you loved and the life you shared together.
What if at the end of life is about celebrating the person and what was brought trough the person, the connections to the people and the magical moments everyone has experienced by being around this person.
I find this ironic in many ways Rachel as for most people they perceive the emotion felt around a funeral as being the love that they feel and having someone so loved no longer in their lives. This is not true love. As Bianca’s experience has been a great example of, true love has not an ounce of need or emotion in it whatsoever.
I agree Rachel – sometimes the sadness of losing someone can come laced with many unresolved feelings and overlook the celebration of the true connection we have had with our loved. Holding a solid foundation and connection to ourselves nurtures the true and loving relationship and precious gift our loved one has brought during their physical existence – thanks Bianca for sharing.
I have attended many funerals over the years where I have felt many of these unresolved feelings of family members and have often felt uncomfortable at these gatherings. What has been shared in this blog is the possibility of another way where the dignity, respect of a dearly passed on member is celebrated and those attending can choose appreciation over emotion to commemorate the day.
Life is one massive interrelated event, there is no such thing as an ‘isolated event’, no such thing at all. And in much the same way there is no such thing as a person living in isolation, sure they might be living in geographical isolation from others but they are still an integrated part of the whole.