A beautiful Sunday summer’s morning in Australia… blue skies, cool breezes and the sounds of cicadas and kookaburras fill the air. My partner and I discuss how to spend our day and feel that it is time for our sixteen-month-old to have his first haircut.
Our son came into this world with the finest of short blonde hair and over the months it grew slowly. Today the hair on his crown is thin, straight and requires little attention as it takes its flow in the same direction each day, circling his crown and following suit are those hairs that lead to the front. However, the rear strands of hair and those around his ears grew quickly; they would curl when wet and fly sideways in the breeze and regardless of how absolutely adorable and cute they were, they began to get in the way and we felt they’d be causing some discomfort when they’d get caught in his neck fold during the hot summer nights and days.
So we gathered the highchair and hair clippers, my partner sharing with him how he cuts his own hair whilst our son spent the time ever so gently brushing mine. It was really simple.
We both felt the immediate change as his little locks hit the floor like feathers from the sky above. What we noticed was that there was no time to be sad or miss them because we could so visibly see and tangibly feel that the change was due; most importantly our son was ready and so we couldn’t let any emotions get in the way of what he needed at the time.
Afterwards I realised just how exquisite it is to see and allow our beautiful boy to grow into the handsome and independent young man that I already know him to be. For months now I have felt deep within me that he is not at all a baby anymore and that I would be disrespecting him to treat him as one. Of course, he requires us as adults to support and care for him in every way and I don’t ever dismiss this importance.
But in our son’s short life he has already taught me more about myself than I’d been aware of before, proving that he is just an equal teacher and parent for me as I am to him.
If I were to hold onto his locks as a symbol of his baby days or fill my own needs as a woman with his needs towards me, I would be missing out on the great opportunity that it is to raise a young man, a young gentleman and a gorgeous little boy for the potential that he holds in this life.
His locks could literally be symbolic of locking us into an emotional relationship together for a long time, where neither of us would take the next steps in our own potential or take seriously the responsibility we have to continue to evolve and show the world the essence and truth of who we are.
Supporting our son to cut his hair for the first time has been healing for all of us; a sign of the next transitional period of life that we are indeed all ready for and offering us a moment to let go of the ways we have all been with each other in our family unit, that are now finalised and complete. Our son is walking and talking these days and with his beautiful ‘new do’ to boot, he is revolutionising a path forward for all people to have the trust in themselves to know what is next, what is true, and to choose it for themselves without hesitation.
Published with permission of my partner.
By Cherise Holt, 34, Nurse and Mother, Brisbane Australia
Further Reading:
True Relationship with Self
Staying Vulnerable
What is we gave children the space to develop at their own pace?
To me children are such a great reflection reminding us always how knowing they are naturally so and this support adults to remember we also have the same knowing if we listened to our bodies and not to our minds.
Letting go of any attachment we have around family with the ensuing ownership of any aspect of life that caps us and the child deepens our connection thus being connected acknowledges that as parents the communicatively raising of any child allows a child to re-connect with their Soul, Essence, Inner-most-heart / Esoteric as long as Truly-loving-boundaries are set consistently by all from day one.
Gorgeous to hear how your son is teaching you and you are becoming aware of other things you were unaware of. What an awesome gift these bundles of magic are.
My mother held onto my locks from my first haircut for ever and how disempowering that would have been for her and the relationship that I was held in, so thank you Cherise for opening up this for discussion as it lays the platform for so many truths.
Beautiful appreciation of the wisdom that comes through children.
What a joy it is to feel the power of your words and how much appreciation you have for the empowerment of being in our essences, thank you Cherise.
Love the appreciation you share here, the love you have with your son is inspiring, to often mothers get caught in over emotional love very refreshing when you can see and feel a mum who is aware of the bigger picture and willing to learn from her son.
I love how little children just know and can read energy, today I was at the swimming pool when I said hello to the swim instructor, she was with a little child probably around 2, I waved at him and gave him a big smile, the little boy turned round and said to his instructor ” I love her” and yet I never had met him before!
So lovely how young children can feel the intention of others, you can also see this when children play with each other their natural openness is very cute and very inspiring.
This is beautiful to read, and yes we can learn so much from our children, ‘in our son’s short life he has already taught me more about myself than I’d been aware of before, proving that he is just an equal teacher and parent for me as I am to him.’
Your blog has reminded me of a haircut my son had when he was about three, 15 years ago. We had been to this hairdresser before, but this time she roughly sat him in the chair and pushed (shoved) the towel down into the neck of his t-shirt. My son grimmaced while she was doing this – it was a red flag but I dismissed my concerns and let her carry on. She continued to be rough with him as she cut his hair and he started squirming in the seat. She then told me to come over and hold his head so that she could finish. I spoke to my son in soothing words, saying it was almost over and it was, however the incident left us both so traumatised that I told him he didn’t have to have his haircut again until he was ready to. It was during the winter about a year and a half later that he came home one day with his hat on, having been out with his father. He walked right up to me with a beaming smile on his face and took his hat off – he had had his hair cut! I gathered him up and we danced around the room laughing in celebration – it was a most magical moment that instantly healed the traumatic memory.
‘But in our son’s short life he has already taught me more about myself than I’d been aware of before, proving that he is just an equal teacher and parent for me as I am to him.’ I wonder how many parents are ever encouraged to consider this when there is often so much critique of parents needing to get it right all the time. As soon as we fear we’re doing something wrong in relation to an outside measure then we’ve lost our connection to our inner knowing because we’re focusing on the outer. Without this connection it’s difficult to see and appreciate the lessons on hand for us in every aspect of our day. I do not have children but have other areas of life where, if I go in assuming I’m the one who’s got to deliver and it’s a one way street, I could be missing out on so much. This is great to acknowledge and review how I am, my whole attitude, and be totally open to being a student together with another.
‘If I were to hold onto his locks as a symbol of his baby days or fill my own needs as a woman with his needs towards me, I would be missing out on the great opportunity that it is to raise a young man, a young gentleman and a gorgeous little boy for the potential that he holds in this life.’ Beautifully said Cherise – super important to embrace.
As you say Cherise, we can login, as parents, into emotional pictures and patterns that inhibit and restrict everyone concerned
It is uncanny how whenever I am disconnected to the bigger picture and cut off from a sense of the expansiveness which each moment offers, I try to re-create a sense of purpose by holding to what has already passed.
Now this is very interesting. What once was purposeful may have been completed and now another purpose is there which, if I have disconnected, I will not know. Today I was walking along a seafront and feeling sad, I was letting go of a lot of hopes for my future I once created in my past and have never fulfilled. I welcomed seeing and feeling it knowing it was all an illusion and the more I allowed myself to see the more I could let go of.
I’ve often felt a sense of sad nostalgia in my life and this too crept in, especially around hopes attached to unlived potentials in relationships and life. Again I was like, great, feel all that too because once the hurts have healed I return to the beauty of life in simplicity.
Raising kids is a constant unfolding in letting go and as I allow myself to become aware and feel every step of the way to the best of my ability, I let go of the attachment for I know holding my children back in any way, shape or form will bring about unforeseen consequences coming my way.
I love this; ‘he is revolutionising a path forward for all people to have the trust in themselves to know what is next, what is true, and to choose it for themselves without hesitation.’ It makes me realise that it is important to develop and evolve and not stay stuck in old ways and patterns.
Cherise, I find this article really supportive for letting go of attachment for our children to be a certain way and especially for wanting them to stay young and treating them as a baby. It feels great to support them to grow and develop when they are ready.
In our openness to the ‘more’ that is always on offer for us to embrace and allow we support, encourage and inspire each other to grow and evolve to live more of who we are in essence.
It is amazing the hooks and images we have to pull us into a particular type of response and relationship with things. For example when I see the photo of a gorgeously tender child and read the caption “baby’s first haircut” I seem o automatically go into that gooey kind of state of ‘cute’, ‘baby’, ‘ahhh’. But when I reflect on this blog I realise how this automatic response can be patronising and so very lacking of honouring of the small person in front of me.
Love the call for stopping and sensing what is actually required to honour and empower everyone in that moment.
There is a lot of attachment to when the children are small and a looking back as if those days were more important. Personally, I’ve never been a one for having photos all over the place and did not want to hold my children in the past of how they used to look. I preferred to enjoy and embrace whatever age they were at any given stage of their life, so the baby pictures had to go.
It’s so lovely for us to not have any pictures or attachments. Apparently a first haircut is a big deal and you need to save hair and all sorts – but it’s just hair at the end of the day – and if an ‘Ignacio haircut’ helps support the child to see properly then I am all for it – letting go of pictures
To evolve brings with it no images or beliefs of family life and all that live together rather a realness that supports one another and the space to do so.
I agree Cherise, if we remain open to children we learn so much from them, the wisdom and love they share is a precious thing.
Each time we get our haircut is like the beginning of a new cycle. Out with the old and in with the new on as many levels as we can allow, accept and appreciate.
At times we make baby’s first hair cut an emotional event, but in truth it is just the next step in humans life and when considered as such we only can celebrate such an event for the blessing that it brings.
A wise way to relate to any change in life, celebrate it for the opportunity for growth, expansion and deepening which is offered.
I like what you share above Golnaz, about a wise way to relate to any change in life is for us to, ‘celebrate it for the opportunity for growth, expansion and deepening which is offered.’
Our children are not emotional on their first hair cut, it can be his or her parent or relatives that make this the case. So who is the most intelligent in this case?
I have watched my neighbour move from a little boy into a gorgeous young man. The haircut is a significant path taken in claiming the next phase of development and holding him with buckets of love as he begins to feel and live what comes with the cycles of development. A true honour as a parent.
Simply beautiful example of how children can reflect the way forward where our beliefs and ideals have no place.
‘If I were to hold onto his locks as a symbol of his baby days or fill my own needs as a woman with his needs towards me, I would be missing out on the great opportunity that it is to raise a young man, a young gentleman and a gorgeous little boy for the potential that he holds in this life.’ Cherise, there is such wisdom in this article. I can feel as parents that we can get attached to our children being a certain way, rather than supporting them to grow and evolve, this feels very stunting and it feels beautiful to enjoy and support our children to grow up and becoming young adults.
Cherise, this article is really helpful to read; ‘Afterwards I realised just how exquisite it is to see and allow our beautiful boy to grow into the handsome and independent young man that I already know him to be.’ It feels really important to not have an attachment to our children being a certain way – for example young and with cute curls. I remember when my son was very young and had gorgeous curls that I wanted them to stay this way, I can also feel how there can be a feeling of not wanting children to grow up. So your article is great and will help parents to support their children to grow and evolve when the child is ready.
Indeed, as parents we can have the tendency to protect our children from growing up, to protect them for the hard and ‘dangerous’ outside world. But that is not the way to go as in that behaviour we do not allow our children to be who they are. As when they can be strong in that they will be equally strong in that so called hard and dangerous outer world too.
What if the only thing stunting our growth in relationships, family or even a career is our own ideals about where we should be or how the growth, promotion etc. should look?
Great Question Susie, what if that is it – what if our growth is determined by our willingness to evolve or hold onto pictures of what that evolution should be like.
We can fixate and hold on to things that no longer serve – and create false ideals that make us feel safe. But all they do is hold us back from evolving.
Loved reading this sentence: “most importantly our son was ready and so we couldn’t let any emotions get in the way of what he needed at the time.” So frequently I get the sense that something is no longer required, or it is time for a shift and a refinement . How wonderfully honouring of everyone concerned to pay attention and not let our ideals and emotions limit the expansion being offered.
If we have a horrible experience, we tend to blacklist the thing we did as ‘bad’ but forget to account for the energy it was delivered in. So often it’s this that is brutal and what makes us sad.
Beautiful for the parents to realise that they don’t know it all, instead being open to receive the wisdom and teaching that our young children bring to us as an equal part of our evolving together.
Agreed Jill, the more we are open to feeling what is needed next, how to raise our kids – what supports them and what does not. The more we transform parenting for the generations to come.
Gill I had the same feeling and with our own daughter we are learning its evolution for us all not teaching her anything but learning together.
I see a lot of children’s haircuts and they feel so harsh like their parents have wilfully dulled down their child’s light. I guess that goes to show there are many things in this world that can be transformed when they are done with love. We don’t need to work out the details just stay true to this quality.
The belief that we know more or are the wiser ones than our youngers is such ingrained belief. Once we do however let go what you share about the evolution and potential for all expands. Such a grander way of living.
How amazing would it be if we treated ourselves with the same level of preciousness as we treat our children?
Great question, and it would be amazing Elizabeth. I too notice that a majority of adults do not treat ourselves with preciousness, tenderness and care like the way we would treat a baby.
Learning true parenting is an amazing gift for all concerned and brings an aliveness, vitality and joy into bringing up children and ourselves in the glory of who we are.
We don’t go there nearly enough. I don’t go there nearly enough, but I have found whenever I do choose to truly open up to the essence of whoever is in front of me, and let myself appreciate the potential for expansion and evolution that exists in the meeting of any two or more people, my response to them completely changes and deepens and I feel immeasurably enriched. I love the fact that your relationship with your son reflected that from early on.
Cherise, this is so gorgeous; ‘If I were to hold onto his locks as a symbol of his baby days or fill my own needs as a woman with his needs towards me, I would be missing out on the great opportunity that it is to raise a young man, a young gentleman and a gorgeous little boy for the potential that he holds in this life.’ I can feel that I have had the tendency to hold onto baby teeth and baby pictures and hair and that actually what is really important, rather than being attached to the past, is to allow my son to change and evolve when the time is right for him.
The ideals and beliefs we have gathered about family are immense and the letting them go reveals a true and free way to relate to one another. Children are never less than adults, the ideals we have picked up so we remain less as humanity and not evolutionary on the whole is alarming.
Could in fact parenting not be about us and our needs or desires, but about tuning into what is right for each child and helping them develop their own way and their own knowing of who they are in life?
Meg It could indeed, we find that with our daughter the more we support her to develop into the amazing person she is the greater our role as parents is – or better put we are actually then doing our job as parents instead of imposing what we think will bring her protection in life from the horrific state we see the world is in.
I agree Meg, how common is it that we bring our children up to our own desires and wishes and even if we do not intend to we unconsciously do if we have not resolved our own hurts and needs. This simply shows how parenting starts with ourselves, starts with the love and care we bring to ourselves and the willingness to learn and look at our own hurts. It is a simple equation, the clearer we are within our own the lesser we will impose our unfulfilled desires onto our children.
Brilliant question Meg. This is the best way to parent if we are open to tune into and connect to our children to this level of depth and quality. Also, raising our children to support them with their evolution and not for self-recognition would be a great start.
It’s crazy how we think that hierarchy between people exists – we are all teaching each other equally all the time, always. Always.
A great lesson in not letting emotions get in the way of what is needed, and in the space that opens up, we can feel what is true and what is needed whatever the situation.
I agree Jacqueline and you’ve reminded me of the many times where I have let emotions and sympathy get in the way of what is needed and true. I am learning to let go of emotions and make choices based on love and truth, and this feels amazing.
Same here Michelle. I left a job after 7 years and I moved country, ( I moved back to Scotland) immediately afterwards, and there was no regret or sadness. I did feel very spacious and felt ok, what’s next. I took care to complete everything before I left, so there were no loose ends, so to speak. Interestingly, I found that everything I needed just flowed towards me on arriving back – and in the newness of everything, I received so many confirmations that I was in the right place at the right time.
It is very inspiring to witness parenting without need, expectation and agenda. Thank you for sharing this, Cherise.
Thank you Cherise, I enjoyed reading this again and noting your relationships as a family, the degree of love, care, and honouring, and the detail with which this is expressed equally between you all.
Love what you share Cherise, and how supportive you are in allowing your young child to grow by not hanging onto him being a baby because of any personal emotional needs.
“so we couldn’t let any emotions get in the way of what he needed at the time.” the future of parenting being lived right here, right now.
I love the example offered here that every aspect of life, even what we consider to be as a very basic and normal part, can when we choose to be open offer us an opportunity to deepen our understanding, awareness and expand our relationship with and level of responsibility in life.
When we hold the knowing that our children are equal teachers to us as we are to them we are open to the magic they provide and their specific connection with the universe – think its all about what we teach them and we lose this amazing opportunity.
I love how you honoured what you felt. How beautiful for your son and for all of you.
“But in our son’s short life he has already taught me more about myself than I’d been aware of before” – Gorgeous Cherise and it’s important to appreciate this in full and see that no matter how old or who the other person is in a relationship, we have SO much to learn from connecting with them.
There is so much that is offered in the teachings between a parent and a child when we are willing to hold each other in equalness.
Cherise, this is really interesting to read; ‘If I were to hold onto his locks as a symbol of his baby days or fill my own needs as a woman with his needs towards me, I would be missing out on the great opportunity that it is to raise a young man, a young gentleman and a gorgeous little boy for the potential that he holds in this life.’ I can feel how honouring of your son it is to allow him to grow and change when he is ready, rather than getting attached to him being a certain way.
There is so much to learn from our kids and the beautiful reflection they offer if we can truly guide but not get in the way.
A beautiful understanding and awareness of our children and their equalness with us all and our role as parents in simply letting go and not holding on to things as a supportive reflection in life.
Very beautiful Cherise. When we allow and are guided by the natural unfoldment and evolution of another we also are blessed and inspired by the grace of the truth and love that is reflected. This exposes the damage and harm that transpires when we are emotionally attached to needing something from another to make us feel OK, valued or fulfilled, as we then impose a holding back for the sake of our own self-satisfaction, restricting any true advancement all round.
This paragraph made me stop “His locks could literally be symbolic of locking us into an emotional relationship together for a long time, where neither of us would take the next steps in our own potential or take seriously the responsibility we have to continue to evolve and show the world the essence and truth of who we are.” It is worthwhile reflecting on just how much our relationship with various aspects of life is invested with attachment and control in a manner that similarly impede our ability to “continue to evolve and show the world the essence and truth of who we are”?
Letting life and the natural transitions and changes flow through our hands, without the need to grip or hold on, makes for a a relationship with our every days that is free of struggle and complication.
This is such a sweet sharing – these moments can be just a wonderful and memorable without the weighing down of pictures and expectations
I had a family tradition to keep those locks of hair, as well as baby teeth it is interesting concerning what you say about a lock in a relationship, I will ponder this concerning my children. We like to keep momentos to remind us of things, but concerning children, they are born to grow, not stay static. I can feel how important it is to celebrate where they are at and move with it and not hang on to the past.
I love it when parents have the openness, observation and humility to notice that love, care and wisdom does not get passed one way only in their family and when they share and appreciate the fact that their children have their own way of expressing these.
What’s even more amazing than appreciating a beautiful baby boy, is loving a beautiful boy as an equal who is already everything a man should be in this world; tender, sensitive and joyful.
This opens up all others areas where we as parents may hang onto children as being ‘ours’ and not the souls they are supporting them in being true to who they are in expression from young.
Nothing ever stays the same, it is always moving… and asking us to move with what is next. It can be really revealing to feel where our attachments lie and the resistance to going with that movement.
I agree there is a great reflection being shown here.
And I would add, Gil, that our role is to prepare them for the world to reflect the truth and not getting sucked in by creation. Raising our children to become potential world leaders that live in a way that offers a new way of understanding and reflection for humanity, as it urgently needs more true role models on this planet.
The moment we want to hold onto any moment we are disconnected to the natural expansion of the universe, that only offers but evolution and change through expansion.
That is a great point. In an ever expanding Universe focusing on one point and trying to make it last forever is a futile effort, it is simply showing that we are choosing to be out of sync with the magnificence that is at play.
How many other ways do we “lock on” emotionally to aspects of our children’s development. It is an ever developing opportunity to raise our children without imposing our unresolved emotional needs upon them.
Very cute to read how simple letting go can be. We have a 2yr old and she recently went through the same thing – getting her hair cut that would actually support her hair to grow more evenly. A very simple process that responded to what the body needed at the time.
I have noticed that when I do not impose expectations or needs on others in my life and give them the space to change, grow, develop in their own way I feel closer to others.
I am starting to realise more and more how holding onto things, particularly ‘sentimental’ things is so debilitating. There is a freedom in letting this go.
Freedom to letting go of any sentimental things, and allow the space for new.
We know when to let go of in order to let the next step come to us, it is so simple when we get out of the way and not hold on to images we may have. It is about embracing simplicity and responsibility, in this case in parenting.
It is beautiful how you were able to honour your son and know he was ready to move to the next phase in his life, not holding onto any emotions. It is just beautiful to feel your sharing.
As a parent, there are a lot of emotional attachments which we engage in, and at some level, it will translate to the child that there is something wrong with them because the parent does not want to accept the evolution of the child. As an example, my mother (since deceased) used to tell us often that she loved us as babies and then something would change and she wouldn’t feel the same. It’s not great to hear that at any age but at least she was honest about it.
Everything done in life in a loving energy is healing and thank God for that, so in the same breath also thank God for Serge Benhayon for re-introducing true healing and healing in truth.
I agree thank God for Serge Benhayon who has re-introduced true healing again.
Being honest about our attachments to, and investment in, things means we then have a real choice to let go and letting go is a great parenting skill.
This is great Matilda, and may I add to what you have shared, that parenting can also be a true way for ourself first, so that being consistent with setting boundaries is a great evolutionary step.
I agree, honesty is a brilliant first step, from there we can begin to see that our attachments and investments may have a much greater effect on other people, in this case our children, than we could ever imagine.
We don’t realise how much of our attachments and investments may effect other people.
The more we let go as parents, the more our children can feel all that is offered in surrender.
‘fill my own needs as a woman with his needs towards me’ I have learnt a lot from from Universal Medicine about the effects that our emotions have on people. The effects of a mother’s emotional needs on her son can last a lifetime and hinder that person from being able to relate with people. It is very refreshing and inspiring to read about your relationship with your son and the space that is given to both of you within it, without the constriction and imposition of emotions.
Yes any needy relationship cripples those in it, effecting not just that relationship but interactions with others also.
‘But in our son’s short life he has already taught me more about myself than I’d been aware of before, proving that he is just an equal teacher and parent for me as I am to him.’ It is stunning and beautiful to feel the equality between you and your son. It is a challenge for society which is structured upon children being the recipient of the knowledge, experience and wisdom of adults.
The haircut could be symbolic of any change that our child is ready for that we don’t want to accept as they grow up. when we as parents are attached in any way to something about our kids or what they give us in the current dynamics with them, we can get in their way and retard their growth. This could be things like breast feeding for longer than what the child wants because we like the closeness with the child or believe it helps them sleep, when really they are ready to stop and move on.
The learnings we get from our children and grandchildren is enormous if we are open to this and something to really treasure from all children in the world and the gift they offer us with love and this responsibility is felt here beautifully
Beautiful, it allows our children to be who they are and explore life without being caught in ideals and beliefs, pleasing others.
What a beautiful example of acceptance of the next movement and cycle in life and how our emotional attachments do not serve anyone.
I’ve often heard parents say they wish their child/children could stay at a certain age and not get any older – i.e. less cute and adorable. I know it’s said in appreciation for the age their child is but I feel it’s feeding an nostalgia for something that will pass. I see this in myself recently – a missing of what could have been or even a part of me that was lost at a certain age. This completely negates the appreciation of who I am today, a lack of appreciation I see in society too – that certain ages are better than others.
I hear a regret in older people who regret not appreciating themselves and life more when they were younger because now that has past – the irony being they could be appreciating themselves now. I’m getting so much from the wonderful reflections of people living the wonderful qualities that each age brings. There are no ages that are better or worse when we embrace where we are at, especially when we consider the law of re-incarnation.
This feels like a really important observation… our inability or unwillingness to appreciate the present moment, either reminiscing or wishing ahead, and how this makes us ignorant of the magic at the end of our noses.
Doug agreed, it changes our relationship with our kids into evolution not smothering or abuse.
A beautiful embracing of the evolution needed in our growing up and years in life for us all in connection and flow with each other and the importance of nothing coming from control ,needs and expectations only love.
The feeling of cutting hair or having our hair cut as being an opportunity to let go and take the next step is strong. As parents we have to be aware that we can hold back our children if we try to hold on when they are ready to move on.
Great what you share Michael, hair cut being an opportunity to let go, as parents we need to make sure we don’t hold our children back when they are ready for the next move.
Sometimes we have to let go of our own needs and expectations as parents to connect with what is really best for our children. Do we hold our children in a place that we need them to be for us? Or do we go with our natural sense of what is best for our child’s growth and evolution?
It is beautiful to appreciate and embrace the next level of development in life.
A beautiful analogy for us to ponder on. How well are we parenting ourselves, what are we still hanging on to and know we’ve outgrown?
And we could ask this question not only of our beliefs and attachments, but also whilst standing in front of our clothes cupboard, kitchen drawers, book shelves…
I love the simplicity of this blog. It shows opportunities to learn are offered to us in everyday activities and how powerful this is when we’re open to receive.
I am running a series of parent workshops, and this blog has really inspired me to bring greater awareness to the ways we impose upon our children by having pictures or ideals around what we expect our children to be, rather than allowing their innate wisdom to emerge and inform who they are to be.
I love the honouring in this blog. Honouring of your son, of yourselves and of the process that you went through which could have been so easily ignored. Just beautiful.
It is a beautiful honouring for all involved, so simply shared.
Not resisting what is next with emotions and drama is deeply supportive. When things in life are complicated, it is often a sign that we are resisting love and evolution. It is awesome to be aware of how this can play out and be open and honest about our choices and what energy we say yes to.
It is great to take a moment often, as in the example offered by this blog, to assess the ideals and beliefs which might be hindering the glorious opportunity in each moment for every one of us to grow, deepen and evolve.
It can be an emotional time for parents at various stages when they realise their child is growing up. I really appreciate what you have shared about not hanging onto things the way they were out of a need. This holds back the child and parent and entangles them instead of allowing everyone to be free to be themselves.
Mile stones can either be an opportunity for appreciation or a moment we try and cling to and make it fit a picture rather than allowing it to be just as it is
The key is to appreciate every moment in life and thank you for reminding us of this Rebecca. It is such a magic ingredient in life because without appreciation we can get very stuck and weighed down by missing the magic of what we have been gifted.
Beautiful Chan, appreciate every moment, don’t need to hold on to any or have them fit into pictures. The more we appreciate the more moments we experience and it keeps just flowing.
Me too. And continue to do so. One of the big ones has been humility which has allowed me to make mistakes, stay open to learning and apply more and more understanding as we navigate the way.
A beautiful and very simple insight into the wisdom of letting go, allowing things to change and the next to present itself… super cool. Thank you, Cherise.
Letting go allows space for the next, its that simple and beautiful.
We are here as parents to raise children that can live in the mud without being affected. Not children that are there to satisfy a need we have for affection or anything else.
It is extremely liberating to be able to see clearly, and to define, to know, and to release, where our pictures and attachments are in all aspects of our lives.
‘…no time to be sad or miss them because we could so visibly see and tangibly feel that the change was due; most importantly our son was ready and so we couldn’t let any emotions get in the way of what he needed at the time.’ being responsive to what is felt in such a moment means that we can act on what is truly required like this rather than react to what we feel and impose our own needs on the situation.
This blog is just beautiful..
This is beautiful. We are surrounded by symbolism every day and the truth of our relationships is revealed by the way we carry out even the most simple and tasks in life.
It is really touching to feel the level of responsibility you and your partner have embraced, Cherise, to not impose any of your own ideals or pictures onto your son. This in itself is an inspiring model of parenting.
I agree it is an inspiring model for parents to explore.
We can learn so much about ourselves from children when we are prepared to take responsibility for what they are offering. Very often we can blame a child for their behaviour but whenever we put the blame on another child or adult, we are avoiding that which needs to be addressed and healed within ourselves.
Locks cut or not, it is important to be unattached and unimposing on our children.
This is very very cool, many parents hold their kids back from growing up, trying to keep them as eternal children by keeping them in the same patterns or routines or even looking the same. What if as parents instead of holding on tight, we let go and allowed our kids to naturally grow into who they are and nurtured the amazing people they already are (as you so amazingly put it).
I love the feeling of moving into what is next when my hair is cut, like a process of renewal. Perhaps our first haircut signifies part of the process of ‘growing up’ or in truth unfolding and it actually brings up our own hurts which we may or may not of dealt with or even be aware of when our children first have their hair cut.
It was so beautiful what you have shared Cherise, it feels like cherishing each moment with your family and being open to what is being offered and moving on to what is next to unfold in your family life.
Why should we be emotional when we cut a baby’s hair? Could it be that we are touching a hurt from ourselves, the hurt of growing older and in that possibly we left behind the innocence of that baby we all once where?
Our children are our best teachers when we are willing to be students.
Great words of wisdom shared Alex.
I am constantly learning about the extent of ideals, beliefs and expectations we have about people and also about ourselves in relationship with people. And nowhere is this more obvious than our notions of family and parenting. Thank you for the gorgeous clarity you have offered in this area through sharing your insights Cherise.
I love how it was the three of you Cherise, and all involved with each others hair at the same time making such an easy transition from baby to growing up boy. It is so important not to hold children back when they are ready, and equally not to push them on until they are ready as well. When we feel it is the right time and allow it to happen then it will be with an ease, leaving no scars to be healed for the child in the future.
Life requires a constant ‘yes’ to what is next and a letting go of what is over, a stream of unfoldment towards more of who we are. The more willing we are to embrace that flow the less tension and struggle we have with life; the moment we try to hold on to the past and hold against the future we fight against life. It is in the little things just the same as in the big things in life, every moment is a choice and chance to either advance or delay.
I can feel this as a buildup of tension when I try to hold onto a point in time rather than surrender to the flow of life and let go of what is no longer required – it’s great to be able to start to feel this compared to the other types of tension which can be present in life.
Reading this I can feel I have some letting go to do!
Being guided by what we feel rather than what we are told in book or the internet allows for moments such as this to unfold exactly as required for all involved and for any true needs to be met lovingly.
How great would this be that we could feel and share the same level of knowing and care with ourselves and all those around us. Making this the normal instead of the abnormal.
The needs around our children are huge, I have just felt very clearly the suffocating feeling of my neediness around wanting my teenage son to spend time with me. The feeling of neediness in my body is dreadful but my son is also affected by the lame grabbing feeling that accompanies my needy behaviour. I am practicing recognising when I have needy thoughts and feelings and stopping them in their tracks, by remembering that these thoughts come from the pranic consciousness, a consciousness that rides on the back of individualism. I know, deep down, that there is no such thing as individuals because we are all, in truth the One unified whole. So, if I strip everything back to the truth, then I get to feel that the mother that’s trying to grab at her son doesn’t really exist, the truth is, she is part of the spaciousness of Life and can therefore simply stand back and allow life to be what it is.
“most importantly our son was ready and so we couldn’t let any emotions get in the way of what he needed at the time”
The opportunities that will come from this principal will be endless and miraculous.
Yes. And there is a foundation of deep respect and equality that is very inspiring.
Sure will be endless and miraculous.
I very recently had a similar experience with my daughter – her first haircut – and i could feel it was exactly what was needed. When I grew up people used to collect and save locks of hair, but with my daughter, none of this feels true. It is about appreciating the hair growing on her head not what has been cut off.
Getting too attached to any person, object or situation looking a certain way can be very blinding. Your article is a beautiful example of not having this attachment so understanding what was needed to support your baby!
We can learn so much from children, their natural expression and joyful love for life is infectious, I know when ever I spend time with young children I come away feeling so much more in touch with the natural magic of life. Children live this magic – it is for us to be inspired by this and to take this inspiration and to reconnect to our magic within.
‘…he is revolutionising a path forward for all people to have the trust in themselves to know what is next, what is true, and to choose it for themselves without hesitation.’ Wow, this is very beautiful. It shows us what happens when we give children the space to be who they truly are. Yes, when they are not themselves it’s important we step in and guide but when they are kingly let them lead!
Totally revolutionising how to raise a child as a family unit – sensing, feeling what’s next and then actioning it without hesitation. Awesome.
Yup. Love it. Responding to everything and everyone around us and knowing that we are all of equal value.
Parents who are open to learning from their children will inspire them to learn, growing up is definitely evolutionary for both parents and the child.
I just loved reading this blog, the tenderness and the honouring of your son – truely inspirational.
It is beautiful how you share to not hold back when we feel a next step is needed and I know this is true. It is very beautiful to live in a way that is not attached to how things are because I know the next thing will be equally if not more amazing than the current one.
Fiona its so true the amazing things we can learn from our kids that mean we don’t need to also think we own them, they are equal to us and in many ways are far wiser with their choices!
Thank you Cherise, I love the approach you and your partner took to cutting your son’s hair and it is no surprise that it was super healing for you all.
There is so much beauty in this blog. So much love and tenderness, awareness and understanding. Very touching.
A beautiful relationship shared from your family and the honouring of each other no matter what age we all deserve to be listened to and heard . The harmony and flow feels exquisite together and as precious as the first hair cut.
Whatever the age, a hair cut i find always brings a new or newer lease of life; the discarding to then embrace being palpably felt.
For a lot of parents the first cut is the hardest one of them alll for both girls and boys. Realising and taking responsibility for what energy we do let run even though we know if doesn’t get at all.
I would get really frustrated as a child about my hair if it was cut without being asked, but more when I was four or five. The important thing is giving the child the opportunity to connect with him and making him feel honoured
Absolutely adore the way you approached your child’s first haircut as a family, with you both there “So we gathered the highchair and hair clippers, my partner sharing with him how he cuts his own hair whilst our son spent the time ever so gently brushing mine. It was really simple.”
I often find it great when I cut my hair especially when I let go of having long hair as that was what I was used to. Change is good and holding on doesn’t feel that great. You may not know it while you are holding on, but if does feel so much better once you have let go.
That’s interesting isn’t it Rosie, we can become attached to the length of our hair, hold an identity by it or identification from it, not just the length, but also the colour, style, waves/curls/straight. There is a sense of letting go/re-fresh/lighten when these changes are made.
I have had this experience with my sons and daughters hair, when to do the first cut and then the second etc, it does feel like there is true moment to make this shift and for them to flourish and move onto the next stage in life. It feels different when the hair is cut, I do it for them myself and it is a lovely experience to be in the kitchen which we call the hairdressers and cut hair with some music playing and hanging out together.
I love the fact that there is always an impulse for us to action. We are never left alone and always prepared for everything.
I love how you have given so much importance and awareness to something that could easily have been dismissed or discarded. Honouring such a delicate moment is completely beautiful and allows space for love.
What a beautiful example of letting go, of what could so easily be held on to, all bound with emotion. Your way of doing this was so tender with your son, communicating with him and sensing when he was ready, involving the three of you, leading to a natural flow that allowed you to all move on within yourselves and with each other.
It’s true that of course every child goes through a baby phase, toddler phase, ‘the terrible two’s’, growing taller etc. but throughout this there’s no reason we should treat them with any less love or respect, when we ‘think’ they are less aware or out to cause trouble. For example, babies are actually super observant of what goes on around them and there is no doubt that your son would have noticed the change after his hair cut, and it’s awesome that you and your partner did that as a step to support him in his growth.
This is a great exposé, Cherise, on how attachment can stifle and retard us in relationship. Thanks for sharing your awareness of what we as parents can hold onto, and how you are supporting your little boy to grow and evolve without imposition.
T
One of the biggest myths of parenting is that our children are born blank canvasses onto which we need to stamp our values and beliefs. In fact, instilling our values and beliefs onto our kids is like spray painting all over their beautiful canvasses.
I love the intimacy and exquisity was the focus of first haircut. It was not about a ritual or getting something done. It is also beautiful to feel how you both held him within your sphere of love. This has to be a living example of first haircut in light of the ritual aspect of this event many parts of the world where haircut is about the rituals and not for the child. Thank you for sharing.
This is beautiful – thank you Cherise. It is also a reflection of all that your family live in every area of your life – a gentle, honouring of the natural flow of life in its own perfect timing.
What a beautiful reminder of how we can be emotionally attached to pictures in life rather than embracing the moment and what is offered so naturally.
Prophectic and philosophical writing Cherise. Amazing all-round representation of what any event can symbolise and a haircut is a great example. I had a similar event recently. I claimed a different way I wanted to represent myself and claimed it in a haircut. The claiming was it, and the confirmation was I had never had so many compliment me on my haircut.
Letting go of emotion, attachment, tradition, ill beliefs and ideals …… it is always going to be a win win situation when we do this.
Indeed it is, I’ve noticed a huge difference in myself when I am embracing simplicity and letting go of attachments.
So so important not to get locked into that binding relationship, of need and dependency as it serves no one and can only leave a big empty whole at the end. Love that you are paying attention to that now, and this seeming small decision will support you ongoingly.
I agree Simon, not only do ‘binding relationships, of need and dependency serve no one as they leave ‘big empty holes’ but they start with big empty holes as well.
This really is a beautiful blog and brings home the fact that as parents we are there as guides and not to hold on to various stages in our children live so as not to stunt their development in any shape or form. They grow up so quickly and with each new stage there is so much to learn especially if we haven’t done it before.
It is true kev mchardy, we are with them to parent them at those early stages for relatively few years, and you saying this brings home that there can be no moment when we don’t hold our role to connect with them in a way that confirms, right from the very start, their sensitivity and that they are precious and wise beyond years.
I cut my son’s hair the first time with scissors and wanted to save his hair but after that time never really thought about it again. Actually today when I look at him I cannot marvel at how much he has grown up, and it is true that when he is allowed to take responsibility in life and grow without attachment but always with guidance, the growth is remarkable.
This shows how when we hold onto things we stunt ours and others evolution- this can be hurts, ways of doing things that don’t support us, an emotional attachment to something, not allowing change, holding a tension with someone etc.
For many people the first haircut is a big deal, a photo opportunity and a page in the baby album. Locks of hair are stored for years and caressed while reminiscing. We’ve accepted this as normal, loving and cute even, but your experience shows what is possible when we make everyday moments about purpose and truth.
When we do take a moment to reflect on “what is possible when we make everyday moments about purpose and truth”, so much of what we assumed was desirable and very normal start losing the grip and attraction on us and they simply start to fall away.
Cherise this is a lovely example of how we can stand in the way of our children’s natural development if we hang on to emotions, which is nothing like feeling their freedom by allowing them to take their next steps.
Yes, it allows life to be harmonious, not fighting aspects of it.
All of these changes (baby growing up, children going up, becoming adults, getting middle aged etc) are intimations of mortality as they are irreversible. What if mortality is still part of a cycle and these events as well?
Relevant at any age and in any relationship.
Oh I love that everyone played a part in your sons’ first hair cut! I remember all of mine and yes, I fell into it being a moment of saying goodbye to their baby years – I celebrated their growing independence but I still had a pang and I would be lying if I said I didn’t. You have opened a door for me to consider how much and why I have held on to moments in the past rather than living what is to come.
Whenever there is a change in style or different cut in hairstyle, to me, it always feels confirming of an inner call for change and it being responded to..
“we could so visibly see and tangibly feel that the change was due; most importantly our son was ready and so we couldn’t let any emotions get in the way of what he needed at the time”.
A beautiful sharing about how life looks if each of us say YES. No holding onto things, emotional outburst, just more love and more growth for all involved.
Everything in life has it’s own timing, rhythm, cycle. If we manage not to put ourselves in the way through pictures, needs or expectations the beauty and simplicity of what life can be emerges.
This reminds me of how every single thing in life is of significance. The beauty in which you have taken this moment to every detail for what it was and offered is gorgeous to feel.
A haircut feels like a letting go of what has been lived and a new start for what is up now; a bit like clearing one´s mind, and giving it a fresh go.
And a symbol that we are always growing, so do we hold onto the old or embrace the new?
An absolutely delightful capture in the tenderness and understanding of what’s needed next. So sweet was this to read Cherise “But in our son’s short life he has already taught me more about myself than I’d been aware of before, proving that he is just an equal teacher and parent for me as I am to him.”
Thanks, Cherise. I love the equality of seeing your son and yourself as both student and teacher. Every day is full of learning from one another if we are open to the fact that we all have the same access to the wisdom of our soul.
There is this arrogance as adults that we are here to teach the children and that they could not possibly have anything to teach us because they do not have the life experience. What they do have is simplicity and can read a situation but they may not have the adult words, but this is no reason to dismiss what they have to say. It is great to read that as a parent and a person the author has learnt so much from her little boy, and he’s only 16 months old.
I think my mum may still have my first lock of hair that was cut, held on to as a sentimental symbol. I know people who refuse to cut their child’s hair because they can’t bare to – rather than role modelling to their children the practical ways of life and honouring the child in truth, they treat their hair with more preciousness then the child.
It is beautiful to feel how your son was just obedient to what needed to be done instead of throwing a tantrum or being attached to anything. How much we can learn from our youngsters. They still know what universal flow is and how not being in control for self feels like.
“But in our son’s short life he has already taught me more about myself than I’d been aware of before, proving that he is just an equal teacher and parent for me as I am to him” – yes, teacher and student by nothing other than by love and the quality of its reflection. Gorgeous Cherise.
When we welcome and embrace the next step, there is no room for emotions, regrets or reminiscences.
So true Gabriele, very well expressed and when we do feel these emotions it is a sign that we are in fact resisting the next step and resisting what is needed to evolve.
It is a wonderful thing as a parent to connect with and sense what is truly best for our children rather than what we think is best as parents.
Yes, I agree we also carry pictures of what we want our children to be which is quite different to knowing what is true for them.
Andrew, I love this perspective on parenting, deeply inspiring and something for us all to consider as part of how we raise our children.
Children like adults know how they want their hair to be cut and it is our responsibility to support them in this process, to have a cut that is true for them and not influenced from the latest trend, parents friends or anything from the outside.
We are so used to holding on to things and situations and you give a beautiful example how important it is to allow the space for the next cycle to unfold and the next and the next and so on.
Yes. And the understanding of the the ongoing unfolding in life and relationships is very inspiring.
A very cool and simple article about the difference between holding onto patterns in relationships that do not allow us to grow, and letting go of these in honour of the flow in life… deepening and developing relationships. Thank you, Cherise.
I remember the first hair cut on my son, and the change that came with it. It was a clear energetic change, almost lighter and like something had lifted. I think we carry much in our hair from what we have lived. I love having a hair cut, I always feel the build up in my body and then I know it’s time for a cut.
The need to be needed to the point of almost holding back a child’s development and personal evolution into adulthood is one of the worst things a parent could adopt in their relationship with their children, and also is holding back the parent as well, because they are not appreciating the love they have within them, and thus look outwardly (to the child) in a needy way to get that attention and false emotional love fed back to them.
Yes and it is such a freedom to be able to let that go. We hold on for fear of that freedom yet it caps us all.
I love the way you carried out the first hair cut in such a playful and engaging way. No having to sit still and behave, rather a celebration of hair, how it feels to brush it, have it cut and enjoy the results with no hidden agenda or emotional indulgences, just an acceptance and gentle moving on. An awesome lesson in respect, appreciation and real love.
Have you noticed though how horrible the haircuts are that some people give their kids? Is like they are being planned to be a Bank manager at age 3. I feel that’s why some of us hang onto the baby stage as you say Cherise, because we feel the only other possibility are these ideals of adulthood which are a lie. How different then to cut hair to show someone’s essence off, to perfectly frame their sweetness instead of fitting in to society’s constructs.
Brilliant Joseph, what you’ve shared reminded me of how much I used to dislike my haircut as a child. I had the same haircut for the first 12 years of my life and I often asked for a different style but it was ignored. What I had experienced was exactly what you’ve described and it felt very imposing, disempowering and unsupportive. Now, as an adult I am learning to choose a hair style that supports me to express myself more and more, allowing my sweetness and beauty to shine through.
Cherise, I love this; ‘Afterwards I realised just how exquisite it is to see and allow our beautiful boy to grow into the handsome and independent young man that I already know him to be.’ Reading this article I can feel how easy it is to want to keep children young and not allow them to grow and evolve as they are ready. It’s a great lesson in letting go and not being attached to each stage of childhood.
There is so much we can always learn from each other regardless of age!
Our children are not there for us, but for everyone. Beautiful to see, you are treating your son as an equal and that you don´t put your needs in front of the truth your son asks for and in fact needs to live to become the powerful man he potentially can be.
Well said Stefanie, this is true parenting – no attachment, just love and brotherhood.
Having the awareness that we as parents raise kids to be who they are, that is to realize and unfold their full potential and not to make them the object of our unfulfilled needs is huge in a world that feeds itself of the demand and supply caused by not taking care of one´s needs and discontent.
This is a profound statement Alex. We need to stop and look at the extent to which we are en masse refusing to deal with our issues and how that impacts all aspects of our life and relationships and the world we live in. The distinction here about the difference between making children “the object of our unfulfilled needs” and in contrast honouring them supporting them in their own unfolding is invaluable.
How easily we can get trapped in emotional attachments with our kids that most people, especially parents would consider being natural, understandable, cute and confuse for being an expression of love, but as you say they would actually be very unloving and retard yourself and your child; a very liberating revelation for all of you and us the readers.
Hear hear Alex, very beautifully expressed and I absolutely agree. I have fallen for this trap in parenting and it doesn’t feel supportive for anyone. I have been more and more open to exposing these emotional attachments and learning from them by understanding the cause and why they are present.
I love the fresh feeling when I get a haircut… like i’ve been given a new lease of life!!
Yes, beautifully said Michael, there is a freshness and lightness about having the hair cut – somehow a letting go of that what has served its time and is not longer needed.
Yes Michael I have noticed that as well. My wife has a joke that she knows when I need a haircut as my whole face, head and even my behaviour changes!….and I can sense the time too and when I do get my haircut I feel lighter somehow, refreshed.
Very inspiring and beautiful to feel how you accept and honour your role as parents with no attachment or ownership. What I can feel is a clear distinction between deep appreciation and identification/indulgence/attachment – and how toxic it would be when we project and impose our value and sentiment onto another to feel validated in whatever the role we see ourselves in. We open ourselves to so much when we accept and appreciate ourselves and each other beyond and beneath a role, but simply as equal brothers.
Wow what a wonderful invitation you have offered to see the pictures and ideals we have about life for the restriction and capping of our true expression which they are, and how our emotional attachments affects not only ourselves but can also trap and limit others, such as our children.
Age doesn’t matter in a constellation whether someone is young, old or the same age there is always learning and growth on offer.
I love baby hair, it does look cute, and I know most women go aaahhh when they see a cute baby. It is a great point you make about allowing our children to grow up in their own way and not to suppress or try to advance their development.
It is interesting how we often think that choosing to claim that we do not own our child (or anyone else for that matter) would mean that the relationship with the child is not as rich or “fun” as it could be. Yet in fact the letting go of this and allowing of the child to be who they truly are actually makes the relationship way more rich and full.
It’s beautiful to hold children as our equals, and to be open to learning all that is on offer from everyone no matter their age.
The gold we have in eachother is often missed because of our needs to have life and people a certain way. There is such beauty in this, the allowing of life to flow and not impeding the wisdom and love we are bestowed with.
This can be in my everyday life, how I am with people, giving myself and everyone around me the space to be themselves. Often I and others don’t know how to handle this. I usually do nervous apologies and jokes, but that’s ok because I’m learning that the space does hold me and I can relax and be myself. Society has set up so many rules under the strong, imposing belief that if you let people be they’ll behave like beasts. If I let myself be and connect with my essence I have such a knowing of harmony rules are irrelevant. We need rules because we are out of control and not connecting to our inner most being.
We can learn so much from the simplest of things like our baby’s first haircut. How beautiful that you were open to seeing and feeling more and all that your beautiful son brings to you. Thanks for sharing.
The thing that strikes me about this article is how, even though you have come to this realisation at just the right time and so early in your child’s life, it is for every woman to know that it is never too late to change and to let go. Even if there have been many mistakes, holdings on and emotional tetherings to our children, we can all at any point in time start again and re-imprint that relationship to be all that it needs or wants to be at that time, thus completing whichever cycle is ready for completion. It is never too late to change and to start again.
Thank you for sharing the openness with which you and your partner approach your parenting and how you are guided by your son and what feels true for him. To parent without imposition is such a gift and your reflection of this is much needed in a society where adults often seeing having a child as their right and then tend to impose all their ideals and beliefs on them without considering how best to support a child to be themselves.
A very beautiful example of how simple everyday moments give us the opportunity to evolve and how this supports more than just ourselves.
There is so much gentleness and love in this blog. So much holding and understanding and willingness to see. Such a simple thing as a haircut can hold so much for us to become aware of.
Such a lovely way of showing how we can either Lock ourselves in time or allow ourselves the spaciousness of the next unfoldment.
There is a certain irony that in letting go, we hold onto the very thing we must never loose – our true self.
Yes, Cherise, we cannot hold on to something that is eternally expanding, and if we try to we are interfering with the flow of the universe.
A great point to consider in all our relationships: are we holding onto the past, locked into our behaviours because that’s how we’ve always done things, or always related to others, or are we letting go, moving on, allowing things to flow, feeling what’s needed from moment to moment with no emptiness to fill and no pictures of how things should be?
Gorgeous read Cherise, so much cuteness and true insight into your baby’s first haircut. The cutting of hair symbolically cutting chords of attachment – at whatever the age.
A beautiful sharing on a precious moment and the moving on to the next with honouring love and respect for all we are. The preciousness and delicateness of a child is a reflection for us all to treasure ourselves also and from that honour them equally.
One of the things that I love most with our kids is when I connect with them and they then walk away (to school, or wherever) and don’t look back over their shoulders. I spent so much of my life, metaphorically looking behind me or to the left and right; concerned or aware of what the world around me was thinking or where the support was or wasn’t etc…so to see a child walk strong, confident and sure within themselves, knowing that they have it all…is a true joy.
I agree, Otto, that is what I love too to see a child walking full of themselves, like you say ‘knowing they got it all’ and not looking for confirmation around them. That is indeed true joy.
Simple intimacy and then onwards. Anything more would be an imposition on his natural expansion.
Beautiful sharing Cherise, I have also learnt so much from my daughter but at times it freaks me out a bit how quickly she is growing and the new stages she goes through but all we can do is watch and give guidance as best we can because our children are just little adults and they will be what they will be.
I am not a mother in this life and therefore I very much appreciate if mothers are sharing about their experiences of being a parent especially if they do not use their children as a an extension of her own self. Thank you Cherise for not holding back your precious moments with your son.
Thanks for the sharing Cherise. How lovely for you to reflect on each of your son’s milestones and steps of his growing years. So much to be appreciated and enjoyed in understanding what these moments offer in love.
Holding on to children as though they were ‘ours’ stunts everybody’s growth… treating everyone as an equal allows all to constantly expand and evolve.
This is a real biggie for all of us. Our investment in and attachment to our children is critically unhealthy and stressful, leading to lots of dysfunctional patterns – guilt, dependence and imposition on their lives being some of the symptoms.
Holding on… which serves no-one. Great to expose this Cherise… and it reminded me that we have family baby hair stashed away somewhere – time to search it out and let it go… thank you.
This felt so beautifull to read because I could feel the freedom and equality in which you write about your partner and son, it is very tangible and I know your words are lived words. Truly inspiring. Also loved how you are calling out that when we hold onto things emotionally, it’s very needy and in turn does not allow us to let go and appreciate the change or growth of another, ourselves or a relationship.
Whenever I spend time with young children I am always struck by the fact that they are so much more than their little bodies – they have personalities and the more you treat them like a person, no lesser for their young age, the more their personalities expresses itself.
All the ‘first’ steps with any child can be either momentous and emotional, or a simple acceptance that they, and we, are ready for the next stage of their lives. As you say Cherise, there is much to be celebrated here and to let go of as our children grow and reflect to us those things that we have yet to understand and accept about ourselves and about life in general.
Such a cute sharing that breaks the mold of saving locks. So many parents cut hair and save it. But why? What are we holding onto? I love the sharing here about how holding onto it is staggering true growth – this makes sense and means that we are not attached to anything in the past.
Beautifully written and expressed, I can feel the honour you have for your son
Reading your comment Susan got me to feel how most of us are actively (all be it unconsciously) hampering each others evolution. Be that in our homes with our immediate family, at social gatherings with our extended family, over coffee with girlfriends, at work with our colleagues or simply during our day to day interactions with people who we don’t know, we seem to have made life the opposite of what it was intended to be, we have made it about hampering the evolution of others, rather than offering them a permanent ‘leg up’ to evolve.
If we hold onto beauty, we are already lost. Because life is perfectly designed to flow from one brilliant thing to the next. If it doesn’t go like this for us, is that possibly because we’ve judged one thing as nice and one as not? Seeing life’s richness and our own divinity lights up what we understand life to be. Thank you Cherise for this beautiful blog.
Great contribution Joseph! The moment we judge one moment as more beautiful over another, we are already in the prison of control. We then prefer to hold onto things instead of letting life flow through us and everyone else, as we want the box that was so beautiful ticked again. What an illusion!! The universe expands every second- how could you in fact ever possibly hold onto things or occasions, as this moment passed and more is on offer the next moment already. It is quite ridiculous and silly that we as human being want things to own and keep – it is really like using a huge handbrake to the space around you.
As a rule parenting is rife with needs. From conception onwards parenting is so often about trying to plug the gap that has been left by us not living the truth of who we are. When we choose to not live our own truth, we, by default enter the world of identication and getting identification through our kids is a classic way of getting it. What an absolutely dreadful pressure to put on our poor kids.
Cherise ‘ our attachment to the hair of our children’ is an interesting topic You have caused me to reflect on how attached my partner and I have been to my sons hair at various times in his life. It feels quite ridiculous now but when my son was about five, the thought of cutting his hair was abhorrent. As parents we put so many of our own values and beliefs onto our kids, rather than simply affording them the absolute freedom to be who they naturally are and to lead the way. I love the way that you and your partner are questioning and considering each small detail of your parenting, it brings in a freshness and an aliveness that create the space for true parenting.
Yes, it is very touching to read about how we can bring love and responsibility to even the smallest aspect of parenting, with the awareness that everything matters in the way we are with one another.
Thank you Cherise. Your sharing here makes me realize just how much we can disrupt a young child’s expansion when we seek to hold onto what has passed and make it more important that the new phase they have just entered. It is such a powerful realization to see and feel how we can choose whether to use emotions to retard our evolution rather than letting go and whole heartedly embracing the new level of expression.
What a beautiful moment to appreciate Cherise, what you’ve shared is very gorgeous, deeply honouring of your son and what is needed without any attachment or emotion. It highlights how important it is to let go of things that we may have loved but once we out grow them, then they no longer serve a purpose and if we hold onto them they can be stunting our growth and evolution.
Beautifully expressed Susan, I too love what is been shared here. We can often dismiss how impactful these little moments are and this blog is reminding us to appreciate how powerful it is when we honour what we feel and that every moment is deeply precious.
Thank you Cherise for sharing a very inspirational intimate moment so beautifully.
Cherise, how beautiful that you are open to learning from your young son. Small children are just big adults inside of small body-suits.
“But in our son’s short life he has already taught me more about myself than I’d been aware of before, proving that he is just an equal teacher and parent for me as I am to him”.
I love the level of depth and detail that you three went to to do the haircut. It feels like you made it a very intimate time together.
Beautiful Cherise, touching a new topic, that feels so openly described and it is so true. Going to the hairdresser or cutting your hair — is allowing us to take step further and let go of the past that does no longer belong.
Gorgeous that you both give him the space to be him natural self from so young.
Cherise I loved this as we’ve not yet had our daughter have her first haircut but neither are we the “hold onto” things type of parents. I was feeling a bit worried that we didn’t want to keep everything about her in a scrap book or capture every hand print as she grows.. you’ve helped me see why not and it’s ok.
I remember watching my child climb the stairs on their way to bed looking very cute in their PJ’s and also feeling that the baby stage had gone and a little child was now navigating the stairs on her own with me bringing up the rear. I feel very much that we support each other to grow I know that there were so many occasions when I took the lead from my daughter as what she said or did made complete sense to me. Children are very wise but how many of us stop to notice or listen.
Great sharing Cherise. By far one of the most important points in what you share is the importance of no attachment. Attachments come from emotional needs and desires and are never true.
Yes, I agree Joshua and it is so clearly illustrated through not keeping a lock of hair as a symbol of the emotional memories of babyhood.
To be loved without attachment is the greatest gift we can receive, although if we are super honest, it is not always what we want as we also come into this life with our own needs and attachments that have formed over the thousands of lives we have lived prior to this point.
Great point Joshua. An important consideration for when we bring children into our lives.
Any time we Lovingly express and share as you have described Cherise, then we become open to what is going on around us and can feel the Loving intent, which is so simple to connect to.
” into an emotional relationship together for a long time, where neither of us would take the next steps in our own potential ”
This is so lovely and its so great ye both cut his hair. The glory of free will is there for all- even a baby.
Beautiful to celebrate every step of growth and really be aware of what happens on an energetic level when you cut someone’s hair, in this case for the first time. Literally letting go of something ‘old’ and making space for what is next.
I love having my hair cut for this same reason.
A sweet story reflecting much more than a trim of a few locks. We learn so much when we are open to receiving the wisdom from wherever it comes.
Allowing each other to evolve, regardless of age is the most precious gift we can give each other.
Holding another to feel the potential of their next point of understanding is so precious and writing about this shows others that there is so much to appreciate than hanging onto the past.
Absolutely Elizabeth, spot on and I agree, this is the best gift we can give ourselves and each other. It is also when we allow space and be willing to support ourselves to evolve that this naturally supports everyone else around us too to also evolve.
How very beautiful it was that you were able to so easily let go of your son’s little locks and at the same time hold on to the knowing of what a wonderful young man he is; that his locks and the length of his hair do not define him but that his essence, which you are already so very aware of, does.
I am reminded of the ‘lockets’ people used to wear years ago whereby they would place a piece of hair in a gold heart and wear it around their neck as a momento and a way to stay connected to the person who is /was the owner of the hair. This would more likely augment the emotional attachment rather then keep the lightness of a relationship alive which may have been the intention of the wearer.
A gorgeous confirmation of the importance of letting go. Our emotions or needs need not get in the way.
As a rule parenting is rife with needs. From conception onwards parenting is so often about trying to plug the gap that has been left by us not living the truth of who we are. When we choose to not live our own truth, we, by default enter the world of identication and getting identification through our kids is a classic way of getting it. What an absolutely dreadful pressure to put on our poor kids.
A simply beautiful sharing of what can happen when we are open to letting go of our needs and allowing a child to be as they are and giving them room to grow.
We know when our children are ready for the next stage in life. We also know when our children pretend they are ready but we can sense they are not! – this is something I am learning. To discern where my children are at is key. Supporting them at their own pace, allowing them to lead the way, as every child is unique and can progress differently.
Thank you, Cherise. In the past I used to hold onto mementos of my daughters’ early lives such as clothing, toys and even baby teeth (!). It was only when my daughters challenged me on this that I realised how much I was holding onto the past and fulfilling an emotional need rather than celebrating the constant evolution of these two amazing and inspiring beings, as you are so beautifully expressing here with regards to your son.
Letting go and letting each of us grow… understanding that the retention and attachment to the past restricts and holds us back is very refreshing and inspiring.
I feel this is great, but caution to creating yet another ideal where you do not accept emotions that may come up at the transition if we say no to emotions if they are there, then we are suppressing and that then will come up in another way at another time. I am not suggesting this is what you have done but it could easily be misinterpreted that emotions are bad and not to be had, we need to be very accepting of ourselves and what we feel and also what emotions may then come up, if we feel sad that is normal and ok becoming then emotional about the sadness is where as you describe being locked into a need dance that stunts everyone’s growth is very common. Wonderful topic.
Thank you Vanessa this feels important to differentiate between acknowledging e.g. sadness but not being locked into it. I know that I have used the latter to avoid evolving but allowing my sadness and then releasing it means that I can move on without it casting a shadow.
This is very gorgeous Cherise, how you are supporting your son to be a beautiful man already as opposed to treating him like a baby or letting your mothering needs cloud your relationship to him and who he is becoming!
Beautiful Cherise, it is a delight to sense a mother not becoming emotionally attached to their child supporting them and themselves to evolve. It discards the individual seeing and responding to what is needed and to that which supports the whole family.
Thank you Cherise for writing honestly about the emotional attachment that comes with wanting to hold onto the baby when the child is ready to move onto the next phase of development. Hindering the natural progress of another shows us that we could possibly be hindering something from developing in ourselves.
When I read your blog Cherise I get the feeling that as parents from very early on it is about letting our children go and letting them be free to be who they are without any loading, need or baggage from us as parents.
Yes. I agree, Andrew. And this would make the shortest and one of the most important ‘parenting advice books’ ever!
Holding onto these ‘baby moments’ or even ‘good times/memories’ with others of any age feels very retarding of further growth. I know people who bring up the same story over and over again and it feels like an attempt to avoid moving beyond that moment or seeing what is here and now.
This is very beautiful Cherise, the purity of love in its activity.
The preparation and support of this simple act of cutting your son’s hair opened up a space for you all to feel the power of intimacy and the appreciation of your unified growth.
There is no doubt about it Cherise our children can teach us as much as we do them. This is true for all relationships if we are open to seeing the reflection on offer.
Cherise, this is very gorgeous to read. As a mother of a young boy I can very much relate to what you are sharing. I did go through a period of not wanting my son’s baby curls cut and it was he who was ready to have short hair and who made the decision. He was ready for a change and ready to grow up and from my experience and those around me I can feel that it is often the parents that want to keep their children young and are not so ready for this evolution.
Children have a natural ability to teach us the art of parenting at the same time as showing us how to be a child that is feeling their way in the world.
“His locks could literally be symbolic of locking us into an emotional relationship together for a long time,” This is very true Cherise. Our attachment to one state of being in any relationship can lock us into something that is unhealthy and already complete. Your willingness to feel what was needed and act on it, freed you and your son for the potential that lies ahead.
Letting things complete and therefore something new to begin and unfold, is something I am very aware of and how contra it is to habits I have adopted of holding onto things, behaviours, patterns in relationships that are familiar but, on close and honest inspection, do not allow growth and change.
“But in our son’s short life he has already taught me more about myself than I’d been aware of before, proving that he is just an equal teacher and parent for me as I am to him.” Beautiful to acknowledge the equal-ness and true nature of your relationship with your son. And is the same with all relationships whether parent, teacher, carer, colleague friend: there is huge potential to learn from each other.
Why is it that we feel it is a special moment when a baby has its first hair cut?
I love baby hair, it reminds me of angles and that we are not from this earth, like an uncensored expression from heaven.
So exposing is this article of how much our own emotions can hold back both ourselves and others. And how simple, supportive and truly enhancing life can be if we don’t let them get in the way.
We can learn so much in just a moment or a seemingly small activity, how we truly are with something and ourselves. I’ve had many of those moments as a Mum, of where I can loose myself in the missing of an age or opportunity, like when your child moves from childcare to primary school and then to high school. I’m always learning to feel what is next and embrace that, instead of grasping on to what has been.
Cherise, You’ve ‘unlocked’ something very true here…as soon as I read the title I was cast back to the day my son had his first haircut and it’s a very palpable memory. The change is worth noting and deeply appreciating as you have here with your partner, and it is so very beautiful to feel the potential for new growth as a result. I love how you expressed it as the revolutionary path we are all on, trusting ourselves to know what is next and what is true, making the choice for ourselves. Inspiring.
I love the simplicity and ‘ceremony’ of your sons first haircut – thank you for sharing it so beautifully and clearly Cherise. Our hair feels like it carries what we live, holds it somehow – your son’s carries his baby years for instance. Having let my hair grow long, I felt a time came, not at any special change of life, just a feeling that it was time to let go of the locks and all the years of life accumulated and make way for the next in life, appreciating what has been but not needing to keep hold of it.
We idealise and romanticise parts of life we like. Then we hold onto ‘how it is’ instead of saying YES to what’s next. Just because it’s out of our comfort zone we think it isn’t Love. That’s not true, it’s so much simpler to enjoy each moment and every change that comes along.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I’m going to re-read this many times as it holds much healing. I can often get pulled by nostalgia but have yet to fully allow myself awareness to feel what is at play because I remember the reality and I didn’t enjoy the time Nostalgia, whether it was for what was or could have been, holds me back from stepping out into the grandness that is present.
Nostalgia is little different to regret, there’s a deep sadness there for missed opportunities to live all that I’ve known. But wishing to return to that time to replicate or do right by myself and others creates more missed opportunities. Wanting to repeat the past is also wanting to stay in the comfort of wanting what is familiar. Simply giving myself permission to take the next step, not judge it to how it went before but staying present knowing the next step and the next step will be the path to returning to loving and accepting all of me.
Wanting to repeat anything is always a backwards step.