This is the story of my Bulimia which started back 21 years ago – after the time when I could still recall the freedom and joy I felt being in my own body as a very young child; still recall the way I was running, jumping and just playing. It was after the time when I remembered wearing clothes I really liked and the feeling of the texture on my skin.
It was after the time when there was an ease and playfulness, an acceptance, as I expected nothing from my body, which at the time felt lovely and open and where there were no thoughts of “you’re not up to scratch”.
For whatever reason, this started to change and this is where the story of my bulimia began…
Not Being Good Enough
Very early in life the thoughts of ‘not being good enough’ started coming in, becoming more frequent and intense from the age of nine. I experienced learning difficulties with Math at school, which I found a constant struggle: these were accompanied by emotional issues and the persistent thoughts of ‘not being good enough’ continued into my teenage years.
By the end of High School my boyfriend, with whom I had been in a committed relationship for 2 years, broke up with me before leaving for University. I could feel how he was freeing himself up to check out what else was ‘out there’. I was devastated as I had always felt this was the man I would be with forever, and the thoughts of not being good enough again came to the fore.
Not long after he left I remember driving to work one day and a thought came into my head – “Right, instead of feeling hurt and rejected this is your goal: go make yourself, no matter what it takes, into the best woman, daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend material, granddaughter, niece, employee…” the list went on. “And while you’re at it, focus on getting into the Police Academy”.
I remember breathing a sigh of relief and saying “Right, let’s get to it, something to focus my energy on”. Unbeknownst to me at the time, I was really creating my very own self-imposed reinforced fortress.
Mastering How ‘to do’ Bulimia……
Without ever remembering seeing anything on how ‘to do’ bulimia, or knowing anyone who was bulimic or who had any kind of eating disorder that I was aware of, somehow all the information was there for me in my thoughts – go here, buy this and do it this way.
Purging by regurgitating was unsuccessful for me from the start, leading to feelings of failure, so I turned to laxatives. At the time I didn’t realise my body had always suffered from dairy and gluten intolerance and had no need to ever take a laxative, but this I decided was the easiest and most definite way to rid myself of food and achieve my goal of being the best I could be.
Food was constantly on my mind; it did not matter if I was out with friends or playing sport, the thought of food and when to eat would be there always. I would go to a different chemist or grocery store each time to buy more laxatives so as to not be found out. This was my big secret. I would hide food to eat later. I felt completely in control of this aspect of my life. Because my family was so used to my having irritable bowel, no one ever suspected anything.
From the outside it looked like I had it all together. I worked a 10-12 hour day, starting and finishing with hours of relentless exercise; taking aerobics classes and pumping iron at the gym, playing all kinds of competitive sport and then after all this, running kilometres a day. I could keep going like this for 17 hours a day, never showing how exhausted I really was. On the inside I felt scared, hurt and lonely.
Unfortunately at my workplace there was one toilet, not outside away from everyone, but right in the middle of where everyone worked. I would be in excruciating pain after taking up to 30 laxatives at a time, popping even more after each visit to the toilet, all the time holding on for as long as I could so that the other employees didn’t suspect anything.
The drive to purge myself of food and to be successful in every facet of my life far outweighed the pain.
If a workmate made a comment like “Gee, you go to your bag a lot”, I would just say I was getting chewing gum to hide the fact that I was actually grabbing whatever laxative relief I had.
This behaviour continued for a year as I learned to master how to do bulimia by pretending I had eaten on my way home from sport so that my family wouldn’t expect me to eat dinner. I would sometimes buy takeaway and hide it so that if I did feel hungry during the night, I could control how much I ate or didn’t eat, and could do it in secret without anyone watching. I didn’t like eating home cooked meals as I then felt guilty if I purged afterwards because it was ‘real’ food compared to what I would buy for myself.
I didn’t gorge myself on ice cream, junk food, chocolates or lollies, but I mainly ate what I perceived to be more ‘healthier’ options at the time, like packet noodles, rice crackers and sultanas.
As my obsession with bulimia intensified, my family started to get suspicious. With the lack of food being absorbed by my system I was getting little nutrition and I was becoming very vague and irresponsible, particularly when driving. I would drive really fast, preoccupied with my obsessions with food and what I needed to do to be successful that day.
As a result, one day I pulled out in front of a car and we had a collision at the end of my street. This gave me a fright and I felt bad that I had caused injury to the other woman and damaged her car, but it really didn’t bring me to a stop.
Not long after this accident, my obsessive way of living in order to cover up my bulimic behaviour finally got exposed. I was taken twice to a counsellor for bulimia – which did not help at all, as all the focus was on my family’s feelings and not truly about what was going on for me. There was no criticism or judgment, as my family was genuinely concerned and did their best to support me, but they struggled to understand (as did I) how I could do what I was doing to myself.
So as to relieve my family of the worry, I swept my problems under the carpet and for a short time stopped my obsessive behaviour with bulimia and over-exercising.
Self-worth Issues and the Return of my Bulimia
In time, as my self-worth issues had never been addressed, the bulimia returned and to my great relief this time I found myself able to purge by making myself vomit, which meant that I could cut down on the laxatives and could bring the food up before it even had the chance to be digested. This became a highly sophisticated and organised process as there were so many things to take into account. I would organise the toilet or shower like you would set out your dressing table to paint your nails. I would take into consideration how quiet I would need to be in the process of throwing up in relation to who was around and how much in proximity they were.
I was never truly present with anyone as I was continually obsessed with my bulimia and what I would eat and when and where I would be able to throw it all up again.
I felt like a big fake and was so ashamed of what I was doing, and how much food and money I was wasting. But still I could not see any way of stopping – I honestly thought this would be my life forever.
This continued off and on for six or seven years. There were times when I would go for months without feeling this way but then something would happen, something that I did not want to feel or talk about and I would go back to the perceived relief of purging – something that was just mine that I could do to myself, no-one else could. Looking back I can see that my bulimia, and so much of what I felt, related to the self-worth issues that I continued to ignore.
The behaviours and symptoms of my bulimia eating disorder at the time were:
- Withdrawal from close friends, family and intimate gatherings
- Overdoing and pushing myself in all areas of life including exercise, sport, work and study
- Long bouts of time spent alone in my room, bathroom, toilet or outside away from others
- Avoidance of family mealtimes
- Drinking copious amounts of water in order to fill myself up and to help with bringing up the food
- The frequent consumption of laxatives, mints or chewing gum
- The shedding of weight, red eyes and flushed face.
Over the years (during which time I got married and had two sons), those intense feelings that drove me to my bulimia eased and changed to a so called ‘milder’ version of not feeling good enough as a wife and mother, along with the juggling of everything that goes with work and family life.
However, even though I had an adoring and devoted husband who has always been there for me, I kept pushing him away as I could not love myself – and as such, although some of my behaviour was less intense, my self-worth issues regardless were never far from the surface.
Universal Medicine – The Turning Point in My Life With Bulimia
Over the years I had looked into many different healing modalities such as Kinesiology, Reiki, tarot card reading, psychics and Aura-Soma colour healing, as well as having deep tissue and lomi lomi massages and seeing various chiropractors in order to deal with my bulimia and the underlying feelings of never being good enough etc. However, no matter what therapy I tried or which practitioner I saw, all of them made me feel like I could never do this on my own and I always needed something outside of me to change.
After years of seeking support, with changes that were at best temporary or providing momentary relief, the true change and turning point in my life came when I attended a Heart Chakra 1 workshop with Universal Medicine, presented by Serge Benhayon.
The difference with this, relative to all the other therapies I had tried, was that Serge Benhayon was presenting another way of being, based on his own livingness, a self-caring, self-loving way of living, all presented in a gentle non-imposing way.
I started to consider that the true healing for my bulimia and self-worth issues was not about fixing anything outside of myself, but looking within.
I left feeling: “Wow, could it be that I am not just capable of healing my own hurts, but also that I am already everything I have thought I needed to strive to be?”
In his presentations, Serge Benhayon shared simple tools which helped me reconnect with my body – simple techniques like feeling my toes in my shoes, doing the gentle breath meditation and being present with myself throughout my day.
Putting what was presented into practice gave me an opportunity to stop and arrest the momentum I was in – the relentless and punishing drive to ‘improve’ myself based on my belief that I was never good enough. These simple techniques allowed me the space to make different, more loving choices for myself and begin to mark a true end to the cycle of my bulimic behaviour.
Learning to be Self-Loving
Six years after being introduced to the teachings of Universal Medicine, the effects of my bulimia eating disorder and the thoughts that so totally dominated and controlled my life are no longer there. I now take care of and appreciate my body and am able to tune into the tenderness that I now know is innately within us all.
This means I am now eating and exercising in a way that honours my body instead of punishing and pushing it – fully accepting how I am feeling and what my limitations are.
Breaking the cycle of my bulimia, the self-harm and not feeling good enough and dealing with my underlying self-worth issues, has allowed me to love myself and therefore be able to let others in.
I now know that I am the amazing, beautiful and precious woman that I have always been but had lost sight of. And that true beauty comes from within.
AFTER 7 Years with Universal Medicine | Aimee Edmonds (Age 39)
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This new love of self has allowed me to blossom, unfold and open and be able to share my feelings and myself with my husband, children, friends, family, clients and society. People around me have noticed and commented on how much more of me I am and what a joy I am to have around.
This turning point in my life and this turnaround is nothing short of a miracle. A miracle that Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon made possible through the teachings of the importance of self-care that then allows us to be self-loving.
By Aimee Edmonds, Burnaby, Vancouver
You may also be interested in:
Bulimia and Laxative Dependence: Healing my Old Ways
Before and After: Kylie Connors On Finding Her True Weight
Universal Medicine Helped to Heal Bulimia
I was fascinated by the thought that dropped into your body which seemed to be the start of the obsession. Where did this thought come from, actually have we ever stopped to consider where our thoughts come from and are they ours or are the dropping in from a consciousness we are not aware of? It’s beginning to dawn on me that we are not our thoughts that there is more at play then we are willing to admit to. Is it possible that we as a human race do not want to admit to ourselves that we are not in control but are being controlled by an energy that we know is there but choose to be unaware of because if we allowed ourselves to be aware we would have to then take responsibility for our abusive way of life.
Aimee I was totally struck by the recent photos of you. The steadiness in your eyes, the radiant glow of your cheeks and the inner contentment that is so evident in your face. Stunning and so very, very beautiful.
The way we relate with food is a good tester on the quality of relationship we have with ourselves
There’s always space to grow and develop, however if there’s a constant focus on not being enough or trying to ‘be enough’ then it will exhaust us. More and more I am feeling is that grow comes from within and out and trying delays growth. I have to simply let go of trying to control the process.
When living with bulimia you learn to be the master of secrecy, it is a very carefully thought-out process of arranging your life in a way that your secret remains alive, but nobody knows about it, it is your own thing and nobody can be let in. But is it the bulimia we are so carefully hiding or our lack of self-worth? The momentary relief from the intensity we go into with the abusive thoughts & constant undermining is a moment we cherish because it takes us away from the pain for a second & that becomes addictive. That is why many women say it’s impossible to get over bulimia & you will always live with it. But it’s only impossible if you do not tackle this self-worth, self-loading stuff.
Something so wonderful reading this Aimee, your experience shared is a gift to others.
Thank you Aimee, from what you have shared, as any-self-worth-issue or emptiness can be turned around through relearning how to love from our essences again and this is so simple as you have shared.
Isn’t amazing that these health issues can be turned around 360 degrees with a huge dollop of self love surely if more people had the tools on how to achieve this what a difference it would make to people’s lives.
“This new love of self has allowed me to blossom, unfold and open and be able to share my feelings and myself with my husband, children, friends, family, clients and society. People around me have noticed and commented on how much more of me I am and what a joy I am to have around.” Beautiful and an inspiration to everyone you meet.
Holding onto our hurts, whatever they may be, is a huge cause of our ill-health conditions.
“I now know that I am the amazing, beautiful and precious woman that I have always been but had lost sight of. And that true beauty comes from within.” A beautiful sharing to inspire others who struggle with issues of self-worth.
How absolutely ‘heart-warming’ these living testimonies of deep healing are. Universal Medicine presentations offer an extraordinary and yet-new-normal way of being that supports people to know from their own connection with their body that there are new choices and changes that can be made and that these life-changing and lasting changes that are possible for all.
Aimee, I love how you healed your bulimia through digesting self-love over otherwise digesting the pictures of a created world laden in belief and ideal.
Gosh bulimia looks exhausting! No wonder on many levels that it takes its toll on the body. So much time – and energy – is invested in it.Thanks for sharing so honestly your journey with it and from it. Your photos after Universal Medicine speak volumes…..of what life can look like when we choose to let go of what we are not, and live more of who we are.
There is so much that can be felt from the photos alone, how you present to the world speaks volumes, if we take the time and care to connect and feel another we know what is going on.
Lorraine I agree that ‘ if we take the time and care to connect and feel another we know what is going on’ but would add that this is only possible if we have taken the time and care to connect and feel what’s going on for ourselves first. And that’s why most of us aren’t able to feel what’s going on for others (even our own kids) because we’re so disconnected from ourselves. We’re literally cut off from everyone, disconnected from ourselves, others and life.
In the photos where you have a smile that is not full of the sweetness of you, I can see that you had given up on yourself. But in the other photos, there is so much joy and playfulness. This is so wonderful to see.
What I find interesting is that it was when you had feelings which you did know how to handle that you turned to Bulimia as your comfort. A comfort which was not comfortable at all as you abused your body instead of feeling love and connection of another.
My understanding of bulimia keeps unraveling since writing this blog 3.5 years ago. Recently, in a presentation from Serge Benhayon I realised it was also the fakeness and lack of truth around me that I could not stomach. There is so much here to uncover about illness and disease that would blow the lid on so much that actually keeps us down and doesn’t truly support us to heal and live joyful lives.
A forever unravelling and deepening of our understanding of life is one of the many aspects of Serge Benhayon’s amazing presentations.
Just the photos alone were enough to tell the story of your life. The young child photos are so gorgeous, and the joy shines out. Then there is doubt, niceness and lack of self worth. It was beautiful to see the joy is back again as an adult, 7 years after becoming a student with Universal Medicine. I have pondered on the feeling of ‘not being enough’ lately as I and I am sure many others have this feeling too. It feels like quite a setup by our human spirit to keep us away from our natural, inner stillness where our knowing of our self, our worth and our divinity are without question.
Yes it is super clear looking at the photos Fiona, and yet how often do we see someone and just because they have a smile on their face and on the outside are managing life seemingly well, do we tend to not look further. As in, seeing that the sparkle in their eyes isn’t as bright as usual or their movements are very controlled and precise in looking a certain way. It’s just interesting isn’t it how so much of the world is geared to only see the cover, what we front with. Thank god for Serge Benhayon pulling the covers back and reminding us all, that we do indeed feel what is underneath all the time and always have. When we meet each other from our inner being we know straight away if there is something up.
And I agree, with the human spirit happy to keep us in the never ending cycle of ‘not being enough’, as it loves the individualism. We are all one and anything to divide that fact allows the spirit to live longer under the cloak of seperation.
It does feel like that ‘not being enough’ is addictive. But it’s empty like sugar it never delivers what we actually want or need.
Aimee – how deeply inspiring your shared story is for women worldwide. Your photos reflect all the changes you have made and it is gorgeous to see your inner beauty shining through and bulimia a thing of the past.
Thank you Stephanie. Reflections like this are much needed in the world.
Amiee you are inspiration to all other women, how amazing to see where you are now, full of life and absolutely shining. Thank you Amiee your honest sharing is a blessing to read.
Thanks Sam, the world needs all of our expressions in full and sorely misses out when it’s any less :-).
Your open honesty and transparency about what it is like to live with bulimia is quite something. How many would be as up front as you have Aimee? The fact that you have turned it all around is amazing. You inspire us all with what can be done when we look within and learn the art of loving oneself. Thank heavens for Serge Benhayon showing us that there is another way to live life.
I agree Rachel, “Thank heavens for Serge Benhayon showing us that there is another way to live life.” if it wasn’t for him reflecting that we are not what we do and we are divine in every way, I know I wouldn’t have seen that bulimia was not me. The more open and transparent we are about something we have done, shows that we are not holding on to anything from it and able to see where we make a choice.
Thank you so much for sharing your amazing story and I am struck by what a lonely life it is being so obsessed with not being good enough and trying to control your eating as a way of feeling better about yourself. The world is now blessed with a truly connected and loving Aimee as you share your joy and playfulness with everyone. What a gift for us all.
It is Helen and there are constant thoughts that justify this loneliness as a form of protection and control. When I was in it, I thought I was safe but I was anything but safe from the constant harm I was inflicting on my self from separating from those around me. Expression is everything and when we hold that in it keeps us in the same loveless cycle around and around. When I started expressing all the things I had pushed down, my appreciation of myself and others grew.
Brilliant article Aimee, and one that offers guidance and inspiration to others that may be experiencing the same. The willingness to heal and the support that was offered. The spark in you could always be seen.
Aimee, this wholly transparent and honest blog is stupendous and offers such great insight into not only the common issues that many of us do face growing up, and in life about how we look, our weight, body size/shape, desirability, sexuality and so on, but equally also the deeper ingrained issues of self-worth, value and importance whether as a woman or indeed as a man too. Your blog is simply an education well worth the study.
Thank you Zofia, reading it again now feels like another life which is amazing to feel. I can see how when we are not connected to our essence we look outside for everything and anything else instead. Our essence is magnificent and the same as everyone else so there can be no comparison, yet if we dis-connect, then the flood gates of everything that is not us are wide open and the beliefs, ideals and comparison come flooding in.
Thank you for writing about this Aimee, I can understand how the feelings of ‘Fake’ and shame further impact self worth. It is a remarkable story of healing what is generally a tricky illness to heal. Yet you’re proof it can begin with those loving steps, and continue to show that these can only deepen and bring out more of you, to love and live life.
Could it be we all have our way of denying the truth of our divinity so that we are perceiving a lesser version of our self and thus by default are purging the love and light that is available to us, which means we are thus bulimic or inflicted with innate hunger for the divine love we all are?
You have definitely gone through an incredible transformation Aimee. I would say just like a butterfly with wings wide open now! It certainly shows in the ‘after’ photos with your playful light emanating. I really appreciated the incredible honesty and courage to tell your story about bulimia and how it owned you for awhile. Something that occurred to me while reading it was how we tend to judge more unique disorders like bulimia and anorexia as being severe and serious than other methods of not feeling our deeper issues and hurts. But the reality is that using alcohol, over-working, going fishing all the time, picking up 5 new hobbies, and zoning out on YouTube for hours are actually just as damaging and serious as something like bulimia, yet we tend to accept many of those things as being the norm or even being a good thing!
You make a very important point Michael and it is exactly what happens. When it has come up in conversations with others that I once used bulimia, it’s interesting how they then treat me differently, and that it was a disease doing it to me. But, it was a choice, and yes it was a dis-ease, but it is in many ways no different to staying up late and looking at social media or racing around at work and finishing the day exhausted and hard. It’s not to beat ourselves up about our choices but being open and aware of how damaging some choices are that we see as more socially acceptable, or considered normal.
It is easy to see how it can take years to come out of these eating disorders, and it also makes me wonder what sort of help there is out there and if it is effective or not.
I found for me Julie, the intensity changed over time but the pull or desire to use bulimia was still there when times got tough or I didn’t want to feel something. I pursued many different modalities and tried a few counselling sessions but nothing truly changed in any great sustaining way until I met Serge Benhayon and started having sessions with Universal Medicine practitioners. Once I started connecting with myself, my essence and my body, the destructive and negative choices became less and less and loving choices were more normal and simple to make.
Yes, and it is amazing how that beauty is back and now combined with understanding – and wisdom.
There is a lot of tiredness around the eyes at age 30 but it is very different with the latest picture!
I agree Christoph, a tiredness from giving up on myself and toeing the imaginary line in life, making sure not to upset anyone or rock any boats. Fortunately I’ve learnt and realised that rocking boats isn’t the terrible thing I thought it was, and is actually loving and supportive.
So True Aimee, Love brings a deepening quality that is felt as a ripple affect by the simple reflection it brings to others, so if this rocks the boat so be it.
Aimee this is something that I too am coming to find. In fact I am feeling that to not rock the boat when the boat is calling to be rocked is actually an unloving thing to do. But I understand why so many of us are reluctant to rock the boat and that’s because we avoid conflict like the proverbial plague, it makes us feel acutely uncomfortable and my oh my we love our comfort. We nestle ourselves in by keeping the status quo but there is no evolution in that, none whatsoever. That’s not to say that we need to go round violently rocking everyone’s boat for the sake of it but that we’re prepared for pockets of discomfort here and there as part of the evolutionary process.
An awesome story. A continual deepening of self care slowly erodes away the unloving attitudes we have held about ourselves and the unloving behaviours also. I can see that having the support from a Universal Medicine practitioner was also integral to your healing. I know for myself that having this support can lighten our way, keep us on track and strengthen our commitment to our own wellbeing.
It’s amazing how different we can feel by just talking honestly and openly with each other. I find even a ten minute chat with someone who is there only with love and support can change how I feel in an instant.
Yes Aimee, I totally agree. Sometimes someone phones exactly at the right time but we also need to reach out for support and allow ourselves the blessing that these loving, unimposing conversations can bring. Sharing ourselves as you have done in this blog is a huge healing on it’s own.
A-mazing story Aimee, “could it be that I am not just capable of healing my own hurts, but also that I am already everything I have thought I needed to strive to be?” often life can feel so complicated when we are in so deep that there seems like no way out or back, yet the irony is the way back is very simple – just as you were shown by Serge Benhayon.
Thank you Rosanna, I feel every time we choose simplicity, we choose brotherhood because we are not making it all about ourselves. And I find when we choose simplicity it reveals how and where we and others have used complication to get through life.
These teachings of the importance of self-care truly supported me to make the necessary changes I had always wanted to make but couldn’t because of how deeply ingrained my patterns were. The Esoteric Healing Modalities are an amazing support for our bodies to clear those long stored emotions and hurts.
I had bulimia for many, many years, for the first 5 of these years it was very intense and then the amount of times I stuffed my face and vomited a day lessened. Looking back I can see it was my way of avoiding healing my hurts and taking responsibility for my life, instead I remained a victim to my bulimia.
This is an incredible turn around from the momentum you were in Aimee, and shows that something as extreme as you were experiencing can be rebalanced and restored bringing you back to your natural self through applying the teachings of Serge Benhayon. And your photo says it all, beautiful.
Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon have been the utmost of inspirations for so many, bringing an understanding of healing that has changed hundreds and hundreds of lives. Your blog, Aimee is true testimony to the truth that Serge Benhayon brings and how we can transform our lives through living a different way.
I can relate to what you have shared and have gone through moments in my life where food has always been the focus. It is an obsession I go into when I am not dealing with things. Most of the time I don’t even stop to notice what it is that I am not dealing with, the anxiety kicks in and the momentum is so strong that I am searching for food and its like I can’t stop it. The only thing that has worked has been asking for support, connecting with others, talking things through, not holding onto things and really looking after myself.
It’s when I try and push away the anxiety that’s come up in my body instead of being okay with it and listening, that I use food to self soothe. The thing is is the anxiety maybe pushed down but it’ll come out again at a later date if I don’t pay attention to it. I’ve been choosing not to go for the food or the distraction for the last week and it’s amazing how much lighter I feel to deal with it.
Each time I read this blog I am humbled by the power of what has been offered to the world through the work of Universal Medicine.
I totally agree Nattalija when I read of peoples lives completely changing through being inspired by the teachings of Universal Medicine. Each real-life blog story I read on here stops me in my tracks to appreciate all we have been given and reminded of and in turn offers another reflection of who we all are in the world.
Just adore and love the way you have your hand over your heart in your photo age 3 Aimee, .. how we know from natural born instinct the way of life is through connection to this part of us that is to be our guide through our life.
Beautiful Zofia, yes just observe a young child at play and being with themselves and we are reminded of where we are from in an instant.
What stood out for me reading this blog is that all the things you shared about bulimia like the excessive drive in exercise, work, study and obsession with eating are things that I see in many many people around me of course in milder forms I can see it in myself too. Always feeling it can be better. The thing is that that is seen as normal because it is not the extreme of bulimia or anorexia. Even though should a lack of self worth not already be a worry for us all? Do we really find it ok that most people feel they are not good enough?
Questions that we need to be asking ourselves Lieke, especially in a time that most children in school are struggling with perfectionism, anxiety, worry and bludgeoning themselves to be the best from such a young age. These are not small things, yet as you say, we aren’t alarmed until there is a name for the condition. Recently I heard of a little girl in grade 1 who couldn’t sleep at night because she was so worried about what others thought of her. The thing is as a society we see it that it is not our place to talk with or support anyone else other than our own children, family etc. which supports a lack of care and attention to what people are really going through.
Aimee this is such a power read wow, so fresh, so raw, so honest. I just love the photos too.. and the shine that was there as a toddler girl is back in recent photos.. you even have the same manner/style!! How gorgeous it is to feel this expansion of beauty and love in you.
The world is lacking in self love, self acceptance and self appreciation, to break these pattens of disregard can feel like a mountain to climb but with baby steps we can start to break it down.
You are an awesome example of revising the trend Aimee,
Beautiful Doug, imagine if this was discussed at the dinner table from when we were young or talked about at school. There would be no ‘not good enough’ issues because we would know our essence through and through and have a relationship with our being that these lesser than thoughts could not enter. Never too late anyway.
I have been eating a lot more recently and I realise from reading your blog that not feeling good enough has a lot to do with it and that I am being asked to come to a deeper level of love and appreciation for myself, have been resisting it, and turning to food not to feel the space that is being offered.
And isn’t it interesting, with more love and awareness available to us all constantly, the more ‘new’ junk food or even so called ‘healthy’ foods and the myriad of drinks for every occasion are being advertised and promoted even more. As you share Elaine, if we are in resistance of what we are being offered to evolve then we open ourselves up to all kinds of temptations and influence.
I am still in an old pattern that when I am eating, I eat rather quickly almost stuffing it in. I am aware of it and still do it…. but it now feels yucky and not honouring of my body. It is like I give my power away to food, and food becomes the master. Time to re-imprint this.
It never ceases to amaze me what self love and self acceptance can heal and your story Aimee is one of those amazing journey’s returning to your true self.
There is such a playfulness and joy that emanates from your eyes and cheeks Aimee that can only be there when one has reconnected in self love and appreciation, very inspiring.
Sometimes I find that accepting the grandness and the greatness of who I am is the most challenging aspect of life, which makes all these other difficulties seem very small when the greatest challenge is in appreciating the stupendousness that lives within.
I always admired Princess Diana for coming out and admitting she had bulimia, when we talk about it like you have Aimee it allows others to also heal.
Absolutely Samantha. I remember when she shared her experience with bulimia which would have inspired many females and males going through something similar. What I see though is a shame or embarrassment in many, hence why it is said ‘coming out’. Really it is a part that does not belong to us but something we have used to cope, hide etc. so it could be said that it is a discarding or letting go of what we are not and again living who we truly are.
“I now know that I am the amazing, beautiful and precious woman that I have always been but had lost sight of. And that true beauty comes from within.” . . . Gorgeous sharing Aimee . This is all very true and may I add that it is lovely to see you emanate all that is and always was you in these beautiful photos.
Thank you Kathleen, this is beautiful. There is nothing like seeing someone know who they are and allow that to shine through on the outside!
Our undermining thoughts of not being good enough provides a very rocky and dysfunctional foundation for many behaviours that are not only unloving for ourselves but can play out with catastrophic effect in our daily life and bodies.
It could all be stopped if we remembered or were reminded by those that live who they are, who we are and that the qualities we hold are so needed to be expressed and lived.
There is nothing wrong with us and so we have to work very hard at pretending that there is. With all the effort that goes into feeding the patterns and cycles of abuse, imagine what else we could be doing..!
Yes Rachael, I can only imagine what we could all do together if we stopped wasting time and an enormous amount of energy trying to deny who we are.
What we ingest and how we ingest it exposes the direct relationship we have with ourselves, if we are abusive with negative thoughts towards ourselves it makes sense we will feed ourselves food and eat in a way that confirms those negative feelings.
Aimee, oh my gosh…. the gorgeousness of you as a 3, 4 and 6 year old is just sublimely beautiful. Your light, joy and openness is completely transparent and how beautiful to see it all restored now back to your former glory!
Thank you Rachel, I had a gorgeous photo session with a friend this year and when I first got the photos back I felt a little funny when I saw myself, but when I looked into my eyes and saw what was there I could whole heartedly say ‘wow, you are so gorgeous, sweet and beautiful!’ and really mean it. That is what I call a 360 degree turn around!
“These simple techniques allowed me the space to make different, more loving choices for myself and begin to mark a true end to the cycle of my bulimic behaviour.” The presentations of Universal Medicine offer the choice to take responsibility for being who we naturally are.
It all balls down to expression time and time again. The bottling up of what we feel to say and the ways in which we choose to carry this tension in other parts of our lives. Thank you for sharing how eating disorder are just one of the many areas that are bringing us more awareness of what is not being discussed and shared in our communities
Absolutely Natallija, something I was sharing with a colleague this week about bottling up what we know and feel to say. Bulimia is a behaviour like any other behaviour we use to not be who we are or we think deal with not being who we are which hurts us just the same. We are not our behaviours but an outsider that we have taken in and made a home for, given it a name, and allowed it to snuggle in and then believe it is us. Bringing awareness to why we use this or behave like this is empowering, and allows us to see what is truly going on. Then there is no breaking up with the behaviour but letting it go with ease as it is simply not us.
Your pictures really say it all Aimee, being able to see in your face the difference from when you were young to when you started to honour yourself is truly remarkable.
Aimee, thank you so much for sharing your story with such openness and honesty. Until I read a few accounts like yours on Bulimia I had no idea of the intensity that comes with it. The change in you is truly miraculous… your photos speak volumes. (Oh my! What a gorgeous child you were and the most beautiful women you are now). You are an inspiration for all who want to deal with and heal their self-worth issues.
So many of our young teenagers world wide have an eating disorder of some sort, it is a sad that so many have a deep lack of acceptance for themselves. Without acceptance the only way to go is to spiral downwards.
I haven’t had close contact with anyone suffering from Bulimia so to read your story was very eye opening. I can feel what an exhausting life it must have been for you always feeling like you were not good enough and having to hide the techniques that you developed for purging yourself of this debilitating feeling. It must have been so liberating for you when you came across the presentations of Serge Benhayon and were finally able to “arrest the momentum” you had been in for such a very long time. So incredibly inspirational!
Thank you Aimee Edmonds its so wonderful to read the truth of the illness bulimia. And its so wonderfull to see how your present day photo at 39 years shows the joy and fullness of life in you that is also present in the photo when you were 4 years old, wonderful.
The before and after photos just speak for themselves, they are amazing. Along with your transformational story.
All I can say is thank God for Universal Medicine, never holding back and offering a continual reflection of the fact we are never broken and our essence can be connected to even if there is layers of ‘stuff’ over top.
There is so much more I could share about what supported me to stop ‘wanting’ to use bulimia to not deal with my life. Serge Benhayon and other Universal Medicine practitioners supported me to feel that so much of what I was feeling and picking up on in life was real and true. For most my life I tried to push what I saw and felt down and made myself wrong to keep the peace. Giving expression to what I was sensing around me was a huge healing… it didn’t make me wrong or any other person wrong, it was just saying or even acknowledging what was there.
This is a very powerful story, Aimee. Thank you for sharing your journey of self-acceptance and re-discovery of the joy and freedom you felt as a child.
When we shape ourselves to avoid being hurt again by a situation – we block ourselves from feeling a level of our sensitivity – that never actually goes away, but requires constant upkeep in order to quell and supress.
Spot on Kylie, and the “constant upkeep in order to quell and suppress” continues to hurt us… yet we can believe we are doing the opposite.
Having bulimia was no different to when I took loads of drugs, both highly addictive and expensive habits. I did not want to feel a thing nor take responsibility for my life, so avoided being in my body by either indulging in drugs and/or bulimia… both cost me a fortune!!!
What an amazing transformation Aimee, from a life of self abuse and lacking in such self worth, to a life of being deeply self honouring and loving. Very beautiful.
Thank you Raegan, it shows that we don’t ever need to be owned by anything that is not love and truly supportive to us. The grip of abuse losses its hold when we see it for what it is which is definitely not who we really are.
As I teach in schools , I can see this ..”I’m not good enough’ syndrome take hold, in fact in one school in Europe as I was introducing the song “whoops is one of my favourite words” the principle said this is whats needed as this drive for perfection ( not good enough unless perfect … therefore NEVER good enough) had a big grip… and not from the teachers.
I was presenting to a small group at a workshop today about the affect words have on children which is then carried, unbeknownst to them, for sometimes years and years or even a whole life. When we are honest there are many words, comments and looks that we were given as children at school or at home, that were designed to cut us down and hence the birth place of many ‘not good enough’ behaviours start. That’s why anything that reminds a child or adult of the spark they are needs to be shared. For me that was Universal Medicine, presenting on energy and how to read energy which we so innocently and precisely do as children. Seeing that grip loose it’s hold as someone remembers that they have always been ‘good enough’ or more accurately divine and amazing, is beautiful. Just like your song would have offered the children you were singing to.
It is incredible how desperate we are to pose eating disorders on our body like bulimia. In my own experience, there is so much time wasted in something totally senseless and harming. I had anorexia for a certain time and also was obsessed not to eat too much. I wanted to hide this fact but this was not possible as I got very thin. There is no sense doing such things to our body. Great how you found your way out again.
Yes there is no sense and anyone looking on would say ‘why?’ but when you get underneath any abusive behaviour you see that it all comes from hurt. Bringing understanding to why we are choosing whatever we are choosing can bring more healing then shaking our heads and condemning ourselves.
It’s amazing how clever we can be. So calculated, so driven, and so completely taken by an idea that is so far removed from who we are. I could really feel just how hooking the bulimia was and how easily it was able to control your life. Thank god, you came across something that reminded you of who you truly are and that you were prepared to feel and allow the truth to finally set you free.
That’s the thing Elodie, when we think with the consciousness that the bulimia or drug addiction or anxiousness is who we truly are, we are then pulled along by everything that comes with that and continue to walk in that energy. Being reminded that we are not that and we have never been that, by watching others who are not owned by that consciousness, is what supports us to then choose to let go.
Aimee, what you are sharing is amazing, I deeply appreciate your honesty and humbleness and your openness in sharing your experience in this way, this article is very supportive, even though I do not have bulimia I can feel that I do have issues around food and so it feels important to ponder on whether this is related to my self worth.
When I look at those gorgeous childhood photos, I cant imagine how that child could end up with bulimia, or any behaviours that harm the precious being you are. When I am nursing I often feel the child my patient was and the essence they are inside. The choices they have made often don’t make sense and yet this is the norm in society. If we understood and lived the foundational teaching by Serge Benhayon that ‘everything is energy and therefore everything is because of energy’, I suspect these ‘coping mechanisms’ would not be so prevalent
I do as well Fiona, if we expressed what we felt without fear of reaction or contracting, that it was just the norm to do… there would be no need to cover anything up. What an enormous support and blessing you offer your patients by seeing through the behaviours they present with, and not seeing them as broken, but from their divine essence.
I understand what you have shared about when your family found out after the collision that you didn’t feel comfortable with all of their concern, indeed it is only natural that people would want to help this was but can feel imposing to someone who is going though difficulty. I have found now that when I am fully open and transparent with everything, regardless of how people react than that starts my own healing.
Really enjoyed reading this Aimee, very inspiring! How you described in detail you hid from everyone when experiencing bulimia and how you never felt truly present with people was eye opening as I know there are a lot of conditions which are the same. A very inspiring story which shows there is no such thing as being owned by an illness or disorder, and recovering the innocence and playfulness that was naturally you is very possible!
Very possible indeed Harrison because our ‘illnesses or disorders” are not us. And yes, there are many conditions and past-times that we can be just as not present as the more so called obvious ones… even just thinking about the next thing we need to do when with another person or about next weekend when we are doing xyz are all distractions.
Oh my goodness your before and after photos say it all. Nine years on and you look years younger then you did at 30. You are living evidence that true self -care works.
We hurt ourselves when we disconnect from who we truly are, thus is it not us who are producing the harm. Identifying with this energy is what hurts greater than the unloving actions I feel but once felt and understood that it is not us it’s like a weight gets released from our body. Often I find a part of my body releases the hold in the muscles. Accepting who I am and who I am not, that I am someone who deserves deep care and love is something that has been in my face the last few days. Connecting to my body has supported this self-care to grow and cancel out the negative chatter or expectations to be a certain way.
When we are bulimic most do not think of the consequences of the habit, imagine no nutrient to your system for say in my case 10 years of intense vomiting then another 10 years of a milder form . The high acid content of vomit can damage teeth, causing enamel erosion, tooth sensitivity, and gum disease. Puffy cheeks or jaws come from swollen salivary glands. Excessive vomiting may cause a sore or swollen throat. Acid can irritate or tear the esophagus. Blood in vomit may be a sign of a ruptured oesophagus. The stomach also becomes irritated. Stomach aches, heartburn, and acid reflux are common. These are just a few of the side effects, shame we do not consider that every action has a consequence eventually. Great lesson to learn, as we may think twice before we indulge in certain behaviours.
Crazy yes, going through all of this to avoid our hurts. There are a multitude of distractions and behaviours we can use to not deal with what we are feeling and protect ourselves. In the haze of abuse we believe protecting ourselves is the most important thing to do… making ourselves untouchable… or so we think! Opening up to ourselves and opening up to others, I have experienced exposes what is going on and the consequences of that.
‘I would drive really fast, preoccupied with my obsessions with food and what I needed to do to be successful that day’
When I read the above sentence it got me considering my bulimic days. The obsession I too had with food, thinking about it every waking moment, in hind sight, could have been labeled a mental health issue. It was undiagnosed because if you speak to other people they too have this obsessive thinking about food and because so many do, it is like the norm when it is so far from this.
Thank you for sharing so openly and in depth of what it is like to be in the grips of low self worth. It is no surprise to me that this was sparked in part by feeling not good enough in school, it is crippling. So amazing to find a way that supports bringing the love you are letting that in and out!
What a turnaround it is when we stop trying to fix things on the outside or control/manage our behaviour and start to look within and what is causing and motivates the very things we want to change – Esoteric Psychology makes so much sense.
What I’ve learnt recently is how divine we are and have always been…but when we don’t remember or reconnect with this, we are open to a package full of everything other than the divine. My package fed off my lack of self worth that was there from believing I was not enough. Imagine if we lived life knowing full well we are divine… anything but this would stand out like a sore thumb. I agree Gabriele, Esoteric Psychology supports unraveling the packages we have allowed to run our bodies and re-connect to our untainted essence.
We really can be our own worst enemies, when we allow in self doubt and don’t accept ourselves we are setting ourselves up for a life of misery. You are an awesome inspiration showing us that it does not have to be this way. You have shined a light on some very dark areas. Thank you Aimee.
When you hear someone’s true account of their struggle with a disease, it make it very real. It’s better than reading a leaflet. It would be great to share this with others who may also be suffering with bulimia. You demonstrate Aimee how there is a self loving way to heal from it.
For me, it was the very real, practical and simple ways that supported the most. When someone is struggling with any self abuse, they don’t need anything to overload their already extremely sensitive and fragile body and mind. That’s where a lot of good intentions of talking or trying to make them better doesn’t help. I feel this also Debra, hearing someone’s real life experience of how they let go of abusive patterns is gold. There is enough out there sharing how to abuse and why abuse… thank God blog sites like this one and many more are offering another way!
You have really highlighted how devastating beliefs are, and how restorative the quality of love is through self care. There is a big difference between what the mind delivers us and our emotions, and the practicalities of living lovingly everyday.
‘Without ever remembering seeing anything on how ‘to do’ bulimia, or knowing anyone who was bulimic or who had any kind of eating disorder that I was aware of, somehow all the information was there for me in my thoughts – go here, buy this and do it this way.’ This is a very interesting statement. How is it we can know how to do something, something quite destructive, that we have never had access to before or have never heard of (and well before the days of internet searching)? It speaks to me of the possibility of collective ‘pools’ of consciousness, ready to pour into us whenever we have an opening to exploit, or ready to align to if we so choose.
Aimee what you share is invaluable, I know I have had many times soaked in lack of acceptance for myself, this low self worth ate away at the natural confidence that was originally there as a young girl. So many women do not accept themselves and this is so sad. Over the last few years I have been starting to accept myself more and more and the more I do accept the more my life in every area benefits.
The way you described the bulimia felt very similar to anyone who has ever had a goal, picture, aim in their mind that they want to achieve in the belief that this will fill that feeling of ‘not good enough’. Like people who work very long hours or strive to be the best artist or the most helpful worker. The things we do under the comparison of ‘not good enough/need to try harder’ come in when we compare ourselves to something. Reading this again it feels like valuing ourselves and self-appreciation is not something you reach then can put on the sidelines but something that requires continuous work. Otherwise we go with what the world is telling us in that we have to constantly improve from the outside.
What an insight into bulimia, I can relate to the strategies that we can put in place to keep the game going, how focused we can become on one thing to the detriment of our lives and relationships. And all to cover up feelings of lack of self worth. I love the idea of doing something as simple as feeling my toes and breathing in and out gently, it is such an ingeniously simple starting point to feeling the body and accepting ourselves as we are.
Your recent photographs say it all, Aimee – Your inner beauty and true way of living emanate from you like a great beacon of light for all to enjoy and know, there is another way to be.
“I now know that I am the amazing, beautiful and precious woman that I have always been but had lost sight of. And that true beauty comes from within”.
I agree Stephanie, looking at Aimee’s face I get drawn into Aimee and it’s so easy to feel the absolute abundance of gold within. This is true beauty and is the natural inspiration that we’re able to pass onto others without saying a word.
Aimee this is a powerful and insightful story you share. The turnaround and true healing you have experienced through making self-loving choices, is profound and a great inspiration to all to read.
How lonely is someone with an eating disorder, distracting him or herself with obsessive thoughts and behaviour around food. Constantly calculating and observing how to hide this fact and at the same time desperately going on suffering in every way. What you present here Aimee is an insight in this world where a lot of (young) people are in, feeling they are not enough and communicating with their bodies life is not okay. It is amazing to read how you have find your way out and freed yourself of this painful way of living by making simple self loving choices and choosing to live the joy that you are.
Very lonely Annelies, even though on the outside I and many others show a completely different picture… one where to the onlooker, who doesn’t read more acutely would say I was very outgoing and engaging in life. Learning to read and observe where people are at… especially our children is vital.
There is so much to celebrate here, but something that stood out for me in your blog Aimee is the fact you said you didn’t know anyone who had Bulimia or knew how to ‘do Bulimia’, but somehow you just knew. You knew what it meant and what it was doing. This is quite profound in that, where can this be coming from? It is possible that it doesn’t actually come from within us, that is that part that is all knowing and loving, so this information can come from elsewhere.
Breaking the cycle of bulimia can be huge and can often seem impossible, yet when we start to deal with the feelings of not being good enough and work on self acceptance we start to break through the fog of protection and again learn to let others in.
A true miracle. To be free of the self-destruction of bulimia and to claim “I now know that I am the amazing, beautiful and precious woman that I have always been but had lost sight of. And that true beauty comes from within.”
It is Mary, and just this week I appreciated this even more. I’ve been going to the gym again and I feel completely different to how I used to push my body to exhaustion and pound myself because it was all about the body and how it did not size up to my or society’s standards. Wow, it was lovely to feel how this did not have a hold on me anymore and how loud my body now speaks to me when I do try and keep up with others I’m with.
” I expected nothing from my body, which at the time felt lovely and open and where there were no thoughts of “you’re not up to scratch” How awful it is that when we are little we love ourselves unconditionally, we know with confidence we are beautiful then as we grow up we lose this inner knowing only to be replaced with thoughts of not feeling good enough.
It is awful Samantha, though those feelings we once felt in our bodies are always there… and can be returned to in an instant. I know this now, but before it felt near impossible and I doubted my essence was there at all. I was with a group of women yesterday and we started sharing about how we felt in our bodies when we were young… it was beautiful and all of us knew it in every part of our being.
I heard today that the number of cosmetic surgery has gone up considerably this further confirms we are in dire times where women are not appreciating themselves for who they truly are.
So many are gauging themselves and their worth on how much attention they are given. And instead of appreciating, loving and adoring ourselves, we look out at what will get us the attention we so crave. I’ve just started back at an all women gym, and observing and feeling other women exercising, the majority are exercising with an intensity of making themselves better, improving this or that about themselves. I can almost guess the conversations they are having in their heads….as I have had them too.
I am so struck by the joy, self-acceptance and vitality that is shining out from the current photo of yourself Aimee, no sign of low self worth, loathing or lack of self acceptance. It is a great reminder that underneath we are whole and there is nothing really to fix just accept and love.
Absolutely jennym, “It is a great reminder that underneath we are whole and there is nothing really to fix just accept and love.”, and because I now know this, it is so obvious to see in everyone… even when we are lacking in self-worth or don’t think we are enough, our essence is always there.
“However, even though I had an adoring and devoted husband who has always been there for me, I kept pushing him away as I could not love myself.” I can very much relate to this Aimee and can say through not loving myself but always being hard on myself and criticising I was not able to let in the love that was there. Your story is yet another that shows how very important and life changing loving attention and deep care for oneself is. It lays the foundation for any other relationship we have.
Deep care for ourselves paves the way for love, there’s no two ways about it. And love is so expansive and all encompassing, love is so brilliantly and mind bogglingly intelligent that we can’t possible use the word love with any true understanding of what it means. It’s meaning is way, way beyond our limited comprehension.
Wow, what we pull in to be anything but who we truly are! There is an amazing amount of energy consumed in all the plotting and planning we do in order to hide our obsessions… not to mention an incredible toll on the body. Freeing ourselves from whatever holds us back from our natural way of being is a must.
It’s astounding the amount of pain we can put ourselves through. We all have a tale like this to tell, whether it’s about bulimia or any other form of self-abuse generated by our lack of self-worth.
There is so much to celebrate Aimee in what you have shared. What you lived with from such an early age, your self perception, exposing self worth and then to share what you did to rebuild all of those things we hold onto within ourselves that stop us from living who we truly are. The photos just say it all.
What an incredible story, it’s amazing that with the support of Universal Medicine you were able to truly heal yourself and free yourself from a prison of critique and pain. The photos are a testament to the changes you have made, thank you for writing and documenting this for us all to be inspired by. There are many woman and men suffering from this condition and that is why it so important that when we do truly heal something like this we don’t just keep it to ourselves, well done, very brave.
Thanks Sarah, I agree… we are constantly learning from each other, one persons qualities, strengths or what they have healed may just be what another needs support with. I actually was inspired by watching a presentation that took part at Universal Medicine, where two women shared their story of healing anorexia and bulimia, and I realised I could not hold this back!
I was pondering this blog again, and it occurred to me that while what you have written is extreme, there are many more people playing out a mild version of this (like myself)… moments where there is a lack of self worth that leads to destructive behaviour, feeling worse about ourselves, keeping it secret. For me it’s remained low background noise, but I do feel it, it does have an impact.
Thanks for sharing Simon, this is something that needs to be talked about… the silent gauging that we can do of ‘I just do this a little bit’ versus the ‘well I’m not that extreme’. Being destructive towards ourselves is the same energy whether it is extreme or not. There is definitely a level that I will never go to again.. without a doubt… but when there is even a little bit it is important for us to be honest and look at what is behind it. As you say, this definitely has an impact, even if its only subtle.
Aimee, I still love coming back to read your blog, it is such an expose on how self destructive addiction and having such a low view of yourself, can result in these types of behaviours. But what an amazing turn around, one that was full of responsibility, self honouring and self loving choices to build a relationship with yourself that created a foundation to make other life choices. Something to deeply appreciate.
Not feeling good about ourselves either as an ongoing theme or a sporadic reoccurrence fuels so many of our behaviours, so many. I feel that to even start to list them would limit them because the ways in which we all react to not feeling good about ourselves be it in that particular moment or as the backdrop to our lives is varied and in many of us totally ingrained.
Bringing things like bulimia and anorexia out into the open for everyone to get a greater understanding can only serve to assist others to get to the bottom of how our thoughts can drive us to such destructive actions.
This is a remarkable story about not just curing bulimia but truly healing it by healing the root cause. So often we are content to cure a disease so that the symptoms go away but this does not heal the reason why we have it in the first place. We have to get to the root cause to heal.
Absolutely Elizabeth, if we don’t heal the root cause, even if the outer all looks good and we feel like we have some reprieve from the intensity, the cause just keeps festering away and can come out in the same way or a different way…never truly being looked at and healed.
True transformation happens when we address the root cause of something, anything else is just a temporary patch up job.
It is extraordinary isn’t it… Moving from such a state of innocence and connection to a place of such judgement that can affect us so deeply.
Wow amazing turnaround Aimee from bulimia to learning to truly love and accept yourself – a miracle indeed. The true love and care offered by Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon has supported thousands of people to let go of any destructive patterns or addictive behaviours and begin to live life with greater purpose and choosing more loving ways.
Whenever we choose a coping mechanism, a strategy to manage our way through life, we are in reality choosing a fortress to incarcerate ourselves within. Even with the illusion of freedom as our prison becomes more defined and cemented. Thanks to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon for living and reflecting consistently a way that holds the greatest responsibility for ourselves, and in this all others – and this the way to true freedom.
There is a point in the blog where you talk about how we can pull it together for a time and start to live normally – this really struck a chord with me. We can do it, but if we have not addressed the reason for the behaviour in the first place then we are simply burying it… and the time will come when the pressure is back on and we look to how to respond. Rather than learning ways to support ourselves we will fall back on the old patterns.
This is so true Simon, we can do it, but at what cost.? It’s to the detriment and dishonesty of ourselves and the people we live and connect with by pulling it altogether and acting like everything is fine when it is not. Vulnerability is very rarely seen as a strength, and there is much out there to confirm staying hard. Thankfully there are role models out there reminding us that our harming behaviours are not in truth who we are, just a reaction to hurts we haven’t dealt with yet.
An inspiring and frank account of a bulimia turn-around that exposes some of the complexity behind a decision to adopt ‘the perceived relief of purging’ in order to deal with our own self-worth issues.
. Self-loathing is a real killer isn’t it. It imprisons us and controls our lives if we chose to let it as I did for most of my life. Like you I chose to take responsibility for my life by learning to truly love myself as the beautiful, tender gentle woman that I am and have broken the cycle of my pattern of self-loathing behaviours freeing me to let go of my underlying hurts. Introducing self-love and learning to love and nurture my precious graceful self supports me to express the love that I am.
Recent statistics say:
• most young people know at least one other young person who they think might have an eating disorder
• Eating disorders represent the third most common chronic illness for young females
• Eating disorders represent the second leading cause of mental disorder disability for young females
This is just some of the statistics, it gets worse. Anorexia and Bulimia are out of control with in society and as yet there is not enough real insight and open discussions into why so many of our youth have this illness.
We need to come together in communities and ask ourselves what is it these kids are not getting from their elders that are leading them to be so disregarding of themselves and their bodies. We are responsible for our youth and action needs to be taken.
These photographs along with the history that Aimee gives us is so very powerful. Mostly because we can see in the final pictures a return to the joy that she felt as a little girl.
Such a great claiming of what you have been through Aimee, to go through what you have, be able to connect to yourself deeply and feel your qualities and what you bring is truly a delight to read and feel the transformation you have undertaken is very remarkable.
And thank you for sharing your photos Aimee – they have given me a great opportunity to look deeper and be able to see and feel beyond my first impression of what looks ‘normal’ on the surface.
The changes you have made are remarkable – you radiate absolute gorgeousness and beauty.
Wow Aimee – what an incredible journey you have been on and I deeply appreciate your open and honest sharing which gives me an insight and understanding on a subject that I have not personally been exposed to. It takes a lot of courage and a deep sense of responsibility to share what was once your deepest secret. An amazing true story with an amazing and beautiful ending.
Aimee thank you for sharing your story with such openness, a true support not only for anyone who has experienced an eating disorder, but also for anyone who has experienced a lack of self-worth. It’s inspiring to read how it is indeed possible to let go of these ways of thinking and reacting to the world.
Knowing you now Aimee I see such a beautiful, confident wise women who’s movements confirm the love you are. What a great role model you are to all the many women who have eating disorders. Thank you for sharing.
‘Over the years (during which time I got married and had two sons), those intense feelings that drove me to my bulimia eased and changed to a so called ‘milder’ version of not feeling good enough as a wife and mother, along with the juggling of everything that goes with work and family life.’
As you describe, the real disease is not the bulimia, but the underlying dissatisfaction and lack of worth within yourself – and this can play out in so many ways – some more obvious than others.
It’s amazing that all the thoughts of how to ‘do’ bulimia were there for you Aimee, even though you have had no direct experience with it before.
Having had anorexia, I can relate to this, in that I did not need to study up on ‘how to do it’ – everything was there for me – the thoughts, the instructions. Once we have chosen to go down this path through our lack of self worth, we are completely at the mercy of everything that follows thereafter. The thoughts that begin as innocent suggestions on how to improve your life end up as the relentless and destructive instructions that lock you in a prison of self harm and abuse.
Healing from bulimia is not a matter of changing behaviours, or even toning down the thoughts; but living in a way that that does not even allow thoughts of that quality to enter to begin with. What you now choose to live is the medicine we all need to know about.
It is empowering to realise that however far and in whatever way we may have strayed from ourselves we can return to the natural untainted beauty that remains ever within us. Serge Benhayon has been inspiring many to return to the truth of who they are, something truly worth celebrating.
Aimee your willingness to share your story is an absolute inspiration for others. The later photos of you confirm the deep healing that is possible and that you have chosen, so joyful.
Hi Aimee. You are and always have been an amazing, beautiful and precious woman and it is truly beautiful that you can now see, acknowledge and accept yourself as this. This is an inspiring blog as many women struggle in the way you have outlined, I know I certainly did, when all the time a great beauty lies within that has nothing to do with who likes us and what we look like and everything to do with the love that we naturally are. Once we connect to this love we glow, we emanate love, just as your photos demonstrate so clearly.
You provide amazing insight into the causes of bulimia and the reality of living with this disorder here Aimee. You are living proof that we can heal our wayward behaviours if we choose to. Thank you.
Thank you Aimee… it is the ferocious intensity of Bulimia that is really revealed here…and that so much energy goes into it, and how extraordinary it is to be freed of it.
Such a great healing to read this blog Aimee, the difference in your photos are striking, in your most recent photos I can really feel the joy and natural confidence you have with yourself. What a turn around! Amazing you broke the self destructive cycle of self abuse and turned around instead to self love and self care – truly inspiring.
There are certain points in this blog that have really made me stop and think – in particular what is it I do not want to feel? Thank you for this.
Awesome Gyl, and reminder to ask ourselves when we are going for something that does not support us.
Your blog has made me stop to feel how I still abuse myself with food. So many of us do this, but may dare not to admit, if you think about it, anyway of eating that is not in order and honour of our light, is in truth an eating dis-order, as it’s out of order and harmony with the natural divine order we are all from.
Hear hear Gyl… well said. This could revolutionise the dieting industry, or should I say make it null in void, if this was pondered on and understood further – “…anyway of eating that is not in order and honour of our light, is in truth an eating dis-order, as it’s out of order and harmony with the natural divine order we are all from.”
Thank you Aimee for writing this, it is huge and deeply appreciated, many people across the globe will benefit from this.
Wow Aimee how beautiful you are and what a great returning to yourself and where you have come to” This new love of self has allowed me to blossom, unfold and open and be able to share my feelings and myself with my husband, children, friends, family, clients and society. People around me have noticed and commented on how much more of me I am and what a joy I am to have around.” Universal medicine really is showing us the way to living who we are naturally and amazingly.
Meeting Universal Medicine was my u-turn in life, offering another way. Every step back towards ourselves allows us to toss out what we are not.
That such an intense life destroying condition can be turned around really is a miracle, and yet it is simply another story of a person taking responsibility for their life, connecting with their hearts, connecting with their bodies, and turning life into the celebration that it can be.
I have found that by bringing order and rhythm to my life, I no longer suffer with the disorder of eating in ways that don’t support me. I too spent many years trapped by eating disorders but now I am very much free of this.
It is amazing how much the body can change when we start to listen to it and not focus on fixing one part, but rather appreciating the whole.
Awesome Hannah to say you are free from eating disorders shows that it is something we choose to use and consequently we can choose to heal. So true, “It is amazing how much the body can change when we start to listen to it and not focus on fixing one part, but rather appreciating the whole.” and could be applied to all parts of our lives – work, relationships, parenting etc. We are from the whole so focusing on just one part creates dis-ease in its self.
Yes, Hannah and Aimee, what has supported me is to look at the way that I relate to and process all the different aspects of my life, reflecting on my reactions or what I am avoiding feeling, and how this then plays out in my relationship with food, rather than making it about the food per se.
Your honest and detailed sharing Aimee has brought much understanding and power for us all. We are enough and as you found through your time at Heart Chakra 1 everything you need is within. A great Blog Aimee, thanks for sharing.
Thank you Christine. “We are enough” should be the basis of all our learning at school and life.
What an incredible transformation Aimee, so beautiful to read about how you have developed a relationship with you, accept and know who you truly are. The support of Universal Medicine sounds like it has been paramount in your unfolding, what amazing support.
In my teens for a couple of years I had a similar experience with anorexia, but the reason was very similar to what you shared … not feeling in control of my life. For me it was that I felt I wasn’t able to follow the career I wanted to do (counselling) so I controlled my food instead. This seems to be a similar theme for both of these things (bulimia and anorexia) in not feeling in control. But, as you have shared self-love is the key here and what turns this around. What I did find really interesting is you sharing ‘Without ever remembering seeing anything on how ‘to do’ bulimia, or knowing anyone who was bulimic or who had any kind of eating disorder that I was aware of, somehow all the information was there for me in my thoughts – go here, buy this and do it this way.’ Where does this information come from that you knew exactly what to buy and do without reading anything!!!! This is what I feel we need to discuss and feel into more, in that everything is energy and how we think and act creates a catalogue of energy for others to choose from. As Serge Benhayon shared ‘Everything is because of Energy’.
Very powerful Vicky and so true, “…everything is energy and how we think and act creates a catalogue of energy for others to choose from.” Before meeting Serge Benhayon I had forgotten this but being re-introduced to the fact of energy made so much sense. Any thoughts that are unloving, detrimental to our well-being, competitive and conflicting towards others are obviously not coming from a source of love. This was what I had aligned with to have all the thoughts of how to do bulimia and that this was even needed to make me better.
I listened to a lady getting her hair done beside me yesterday say that she has thoughts of harming herself and not even want to be living, and that what ‘saves’ her is listening to music constantly. While we are having thoughts like this, can we really rely or trust the energy that says ‘listen to music 24/7’ or another one she shared was ‘maybe I should go and get a tattoo’. It’s interesting stepping back and seeing the ‘catalogue of energy’ that is there for the choosing in what ever state we are in. Understanding energy, and that ‘Everything is because of Energy’, I feel is the most powerful antidote or healing of any form of self-harm and self-abuse and I thank Serge Benhayon for presenting this.
Incredible whole blog Aimee, what a gift to read. Not because you stopped bulimia, but because you had truly healed it! Amazing support by Universal Medicine has brought you to that point – that bulimia was never ever something you truly wanted but a reaction to a hurt you had experienced. This then brings back our responsibility we have to ourselves and our environment to be real and honestly ourselves, because otherwise the world misses out of something very important – as we all can see in the pictures; the sweetness of Aimee. Thank you.
Wow Aimee, I read this: “I remember breathing a sigh of relief and saying “Right, let’s get to it,…” What I felt is that I have done the same, once when I was very hurt about the age of 3years old, I had those same thoughts ‘they can’t get me’ attitude and same voice “let’s do it , no one can get me or hurt me.” This resulted for me equally in a behaviour that was hard and kept me away from letting people come close to me. I was actually telling them to back off, all of the time.. This I can all feel simply by you sharing this simple one line experience. Can you imagine I am not even half way through your blog.. Amazing. Looking forward to what is to come..
Awesome Danna how this gave you an opportunity to reflect on a time that was not you. Imagine if this understanding of what energy is governing our behaviours was brought to many support groups in the world?
Beautiful blog, beautiful change, I can not say anything different than what an amazing health choice! What stood out was: that all these thoughts came in; being the best friend, girlfriend, niece etc.etc. And I wondered. I asked myself: what if that energy of ‘not being good enough’ founds his opening and then tells us what to do?.. but that this ‘not good enough ‘ feeling is actually an energy introduced to us, instead of who we are. That blows out all the lies that we as women are not good enough, and exposes that we simply have allowed ourselves to go with the energy of ‘not being good enough’ and chosen to believe it ~ rather than to say ‘suck eggs’ I am not that energy – I am beauty-full in my every way, does not matter if I have a bad day or have been hurt. So beautiful introduction to looking at things differently and to re-imprint the ways we have chosen to be with ourselves and think about ourselves, simply because we have been hurt. The hurt is only an introduction to not feeling good enough and later on hurt ourselves even more. So before that happens, we need to track it and say- stop – enough is enough of that energy , which I am not – because I know I am so divinely beauty-full.
Love it Danna, “say ‘suck eggs’ I am not that energy – I am beauty-full in my every way,…” If all women started to say no to what is not them it would shut down many many ‘improvement’ companies that profit from women believing that they are less than amazing.
Wow Aimee I love rereading again how choosing self love has allowed you to blossom and unfold a real inspiring story – thank you.
We expect to see significant and devastating behaviours from people who have experienced trauma, sexual abuse and other substantial life changing events. But what is not openly talked about is the fact that lack of self worth is equally traumatic and can lead to the same behaviours. Perhaps if was given credence for the huge and devastating impact lack of self worth can have on a person’s life it would receive the same level of charitable support, media attention and research.
So true Kathryn, as a whole we focus more on the extremes of life, illness, wars etc. then looking at the bottom line of that to have all these extremes we first walked away from who we truly are and the knowing that we are all equal and enough just being ourselves. This is what should be researched along with the many lived experiences of people who have walked out from the illusion that there is a place for any of the self-harming behaviours that are so prevalent in our world today.
Self harm needs to be a removed concept from the entire human race. Self abuse at any level is not only not ok, it is not at all who we are and thus is not needed. From my experience of years of self harm and abuse, I can vouch that it is nothing more than exhausting to live with and when reconnected to the natural sweet, delicate and sensitive beings that we are it ceases to exist.
Thank you Linda, a fact that is so important for us to remember, “…no matter the choices we make in our life, our true beauty still lies within us all, waiting for us to reconnect back with it.” Bringing a loving understanding to our choices instead of the usual judgement and criticism, opens up space for us to feel what is truly going on.
Aimee this is an amazing story… and something you wrote struck me particularly when you said ‘no matter what therapy I tried or which practitioner I saw, all of them made me feel like I could never do this on my own and I always needed something outside of me to change.’ This is so true, and was my experience too in all the years of seeking and searching I did before coming across Serge Benhayon. Everything I did confirmed that feeling of ‘not enough’ and ‘can’t do this on my own’… the distinction being that we don’t really do it ‘on our own’, but that others support is only to inspire a deeper connection within, where all our own answers lie. Very different to the underlying and overt messages inherent in so many modalities and practises today.
I agree Jenny, and can feel now how many of the modalities I tried, looking to better or fix myself were actually keeping me in a dependency so that I didn’t see myself in any true light. Of course this is what I gravitated towards, as I was not looking for a true way to live but more quick fixes. I appreciate coming to Universal Medicine and like many many others with a knowing there is so much more to us.
“Right, let’s get to it, something to focus my energy on”. Unbeknownst to me at the time, I was really creating my very own self-imposed reinforced fortress. Aimee it’s incredible to look back at these decisions as I have and realise that was the moment I committed to leaving myself behind and wanting something else, little did I realise I was entering into a trade off, I will give up on being me if I get what I want. I now see it in many areas in life we are sold an illusion, a dream, and we sell out to it only to end up being owned by it and having to pay the price.
We had a Body Image and Eating Disorder Community Group recently and even though none of us had bulimia or anorexia after talking for a while we realized we all had an eating disorder. Many of us were still eating 3 meals a day when our bodies did not need it and/or we were over eating and/or sitting down for dinner and scoffing our meals not connecting to our bodies nor our family as we ate. Others were picking at their kids left overs or spending a lot of mental energy planning what they would or could not eat. Others just ate what was yummy ignoring what was actually needed to support the body These are only some of the disordered eating patterns that were shared, we came to the conclusion that most of the world had some form of eating disorder.
Good point Mary-Louise most of the world does have some sort of eating disorder and that would be as a result of self worth and acceptence issues
Yes Mary-Louise, when you think about it, there are so many ideas and beliefs around food, for example, when to eat, what to eat on certain days of the week, that override the body even if it’s indicating that you don’t actually need to eat… This is very much an eating disorder.
Yes Mary -Louise Myers even the term ‘eating disorders’ suggests there should be ‘order’ to the way we eat, but in actual fact that’s not true when it comes to the body and it’s requirements, it can clearly tell us when and what it wants to eat and when it’s unable to literally stomach an item. The body is very loud and knows what supports it… and that doesn’t come with any necessary order.
I had an eating disorder for about 20 years, quite severe at first, eating what ever I could get my hands on until I was stuffed full and vomiting up to 5 times a day. Over the years the intensity lessoned but not the underlying issues that led me to have it in the first place. These did not truly heal until I came to Universal Medicine and thanks to Serge Benhayon I have totally healed and will never have an eating disorder again. I am now able to support other men/women with this illness and bring clarity and compassion to a huge community issue.
Having another read of this Aimee and realising that even though I didn’t purge or take laxatives my eating was very disordered and certainly had a lot to do with my self worth and wanting to be thin. Perhaps the definition of eating disorders may change to include those who do it on an even more subtle level where they perhaps don’t even realise what they’re doing in order to feel they have some semblance of control over their lives or to numb their hurts.
Hi Deborah, you are on to it, there is and it is called ‘disordered eating’. Here is a small definition: “Disordered eating describes a variety of abnormal eating behaviors that, by themselves, do not warrant diagnosis of an eating disorder.” Reading this information shows that the majority of people in the world would have disordered eating. Even people that you would not consider would have disordered eating, like high performing athletes, by this definition can have disordered eating. My take on it, is wherever we are using food to not truly nourish our bodies but using it as a treat, to numb, to alter our state of being, to fit in etc. Very interesting topic to look at.
Eating disorders are effecting a large percentage of the population and have an underestimated impact on society. While estimates of the incidence of eating disorders vary between countries and studies, there is agreement that eating disorders, disordered eating and body image issues have increased worldwide over the last 30 years. Research conducted with young people in 2010 on behalf of the NEDC indicated that most young people know at least one other young person who they think might have an eating disorder. When I read this it hit home even more how we need to open up the conversation on this world wide issue. Your blog Aimee is a great start to open the discussion with in the community on how we can truly support people with this disorder.
The statistics are staggering Mary-Louise, I recently read that in the US approximately only 1 in 10 people with bulimia receive treatment and the statistics showed that relapse is common, occurring in approximately 30-50% of cases. We need to be asking why is that, and what is the missing part that 30-50% of bulimia sufferers relapse after some form of treatment. What I found when using bulimia was how much I would hide any trace and I fooled many people into believing I was ok.
I know now though that people closest to me felt something was not right but didn’t know how to approach it. Sharing our stories like this is so powerful because it shows another way, that holds a person with the understanding of who they truly are and looks deeper into why they are choosing bulimia and what it is covering up. So much out there that I’ve read makes the person wrong or damaged which adds to that feeling of not being enough and stopping expressing that even more.
I feel why there is such a huge percentage of relapse in eating disorders is because we are not getting to the root of the issue.
Why you and I have been able to heal from our eating disorders is because we were willing to look at what was really going on: our lack of self love and lack of acceptance, seeing this as the real issue led us to make more self loving choices . When you have love in your body you do not want to abuse yourself with an eating disorder.
So true Mary-Louise, and what I’ve also discovered is it is how I move my body throughout my day, how I speak, walk, sleep and eat, all affect how I feel about myself and live. If I sit in a way that goes against how I naturally would sit because I’m busy and just need to get the job done, then what comes next is more of the same abuse. It’s looking at all the ways we allow abuse even in the subtlest of ways. And by looking at it, this in itself is healing because we know we are so much more than any form of abuse.
Thank you Aimee, I only had a scrape with an eating disorder so it is so good to get a better understanding of how it is when the feelings get out of control and escalate to become a perceived solution.
Yes Aimee the self worth issues that seed this pattern of behaviour we call Bulimia seem to always be present to take us down a path of self harm. I experienced the desire to numb the suffocating feeling of being rejected and feeling low self worth at the onset of my time with bulimia. The emptiness I felt of not being enough when my boyfriend dumped me for another women was the trigger to give up on feeling and instead reach for the food to numb.
Since committing to the loving technique’s presented by Serge Benhayon I have developed a greater love and appreciation for my body and my inner world. I no longer feel overwhelmed by the emptiness or self loathing for I know now how to connect back to myself and God, should these emotions come up to play with me.
The desire to numb and purge has been replaced with love and connection and I am loving who I am.
Trying to escape from our emptiness by distracting with Bulimia is one of the huge traps we fall into
It is extraordinary what we are capable of doing to ourselves to not feel what we think is too painful to deal with, and yet in the process end up causing ourselves more harm. The inspiration that people have received from Universal Medicine is incredible and the healing they have chosen through self-loving choices is, like your story, remarkable.
So true Samantha… the harm caused by our avoidance methods are far more damaging than actually dealing with what has hurt us. In this sense it makes no sense, as when we do finally face these things, they are never as bad as we think they’ll be… it begs the question whether there’s something deeper we avoid feeling, not just the pain of what has occurred in the past? Perhaps it is our irresponsibility that is our greater avoidance, and any amount of pain is sometimes better than feeling that.
The power of walking the talk….”The difference with this, relative to all the other therapies I had tried, was that Serge Benhayon was presenting another way of being, based on his own livingness, a self-caring, self-loving way of living, all presented in a gentle non-imposing way.” I agree, I was never inserted in alternative health, complimentary heath or conventional health, bucks I was mistrustful of it, I would walk into the GP’s or massage therapists and see stressed, or over weight people and I would make judgements about them and feel the hypocrisy that lies below their roles in society. I have grown to be more understanding of peoples choices and I have grown to be more committed to my own health and well being and this is due to me saying yes I am going to commit and also the wonderful consistent inspiration of Serge Benhayon living what he shares with the world.
Exactly Eva-Maria, it would be a completely different story if from when we were born we were encouraged to appreciate our values and know who we are. Fortunately though, we can choose this at anytime even if we have not had anyone or anything around us showing we are all precious.
Big blog, Aimee! I appreciate your honesty and it opens so much.
The most things we think about ourselves and how we are, are just a construction emerging from comparison and judging ourselves. It`s so sad how this affects our self worth and how devastating that can be.
If we would look at our true values and really see and appreciate them, nobody in this world would have a lack of self worth, because we all have amazing qualities. We just don`t focus on them!
Reading your story Aimee, I realised that there are so many ways of disregarding ourselves. I have not had an eating disorder like bulimia yet so much of your story was familiar to me. I have covered up unloving behaviours towards myself, I have done things that I knew were bad for my health yet I consistently did them, I have convinced myself that I was less than everyone else. Not anymore. It has taken some convincing but I now feel how gorgeous and amazing I am. It has taken quite sometime to really come to this. I have made big and small changes but the greatest gift I have been given is the consistent love and regard I am held in by Serge Benhayon and so many others connected to Universal Medicine. Their commitment to themselves and others is awesome and inspiring and I feel that solid connection with myself that lays the foundation for real self love and commitment and that true knowing that comes from deep within.
I started with anorexia when I was about 15, I remember a friend commenting on my weight and because I did not think much of myself any way, the comment got to me and in that moment I got the idea to stop eating all together and so began my journey with anorexia, which led to bulimia a year later. Previous to that day I had been a binge eater on weekends and did not eat during the week and previous to this I had been a calorie counter. Every thing I ate I would write down exactly how many calories was in it. I closely controlled the amount of calories I would eat in a week and kept a daily dairy of every thing I ate. So you can see I was already distracting from and controlling life so as to not feel the pain I was in and the anorexia simply compounded this further.
I can relate Mary-Louise to your story. Controlling and focusing on one thing so not to have any moments to feel anything else, especially any chance to feel the hurt and pain of not expressing who we really are.
I thought I wasn’t expressing but I now see that I was expressing all of the time – how to be hard, disregarding, abusive and totally less than. This has been a big and powerful realisation for me, the level of responsibility we have with what we express by how we move, look, work, play, speak etc.
So true Aimee,
I also at the time took no responsibility for the energy I was bringing into my home. With all the secrecy and care I took not to be noticed ,I was convinced I could be doing no harm to other people around me. When I felt the truth of what energy I had been allowing in to self abuse I could no longer deny the impact bulimia has on a family.
So true Nicole – “When I felt the truth of what energy I had been allowing in to self abuse I could no longer deny the impact bulimia has on a family.” That exposes a lot because in truth we naturally feel to connect with others, yet when using bulimia the energy is so individual and there is such a strong need to withdraw from life and others.
Could it be that there is something with how we are relating to each other that hurts? And if there is truth in this, what would happen if we expressed how we felt? Would this then release from the body and there would not be a need to purge it in other ways?
Thank you for sharing your miracle Aimee. All of our stories are different and yet the themes are consistently similar. I recall a very similar thought coming in to my head after being dumped by my ‘first love’ in the middle of my year 12; I thought ‘instead of feeling this excruciating pain, I am going to focus all of my attention on getting the best grades I could to finish school’ which also included doing weight watchers so that by the time I finished, everything would be looking perfect for me. Unsurprisingly, once I left school and got into all the drinking and partying, I was left in a very bleak place within myself. The lack of self worth issues started around the age of 6 and having no skills to deal with them, it continued to play out in my life, protecting and isolating myself to avoid feeling the original pain of rejecting myself. I can feel the pain in the complicated rituals you describe with laxatives and purging, anything to avoid feeling the real pain. It is such a true gift to know the pathway to healing that we have all so generously been offered by Serge Benhayon, to heal these choices and know that it is possible to begin making loving choices to build a truly loving life.
So true Emma, we all find our own unique way to avoid the pain and emptiness we are in, some use an eating disorder and/or alcohol, drugs etc while others excel in school or sport etc. Does not really matter what we choose to distract with as they all serve the same purpose to numb ourselves from our pain and avoid taking responsibility for the choices we have made and continue to make.
Yes Mary-Louise, and also we can use all these things to make sure we do not express what does not feel right or true in our lives.
I’m understanding more and more how when I don’t express honestly with myself or others, I turn to some form of comfort (food, distraction, technology etc.) to not feel that but once I do express even if it is only to myself that I’m feeling unsure or overwhelmed by something, that drive to numb goes.
I had no I idea you can be bulimic with laxatives and never realised that this disease is a 24 hour obsession. Life must be so different for you now. This blog confirms to me how powerful it is to accept what we feel, no matter what we are feeling..
Life is incredibly different for me now Abby, its almost like it was a dream or another life. This doesn’t mean I don’t have tension and stress or doubt now at times, but that incessant anguish is a distant memory.
Aimee most people never truly heal from an eating disorder they may stop that specific behaviour but because the underlying issues are not dealt with they take up a different behaviour that masks the same pain.
Whereas you have healed the underlying issues so therefor truly healed it in one life, this is so inspiring and why your blog offers healing to others when they read it because you walk your talk.
You have turned your life around so much and it is a true testament to the teachings of Serge Benhayon and universal medicine. It is also a true testament to you and your willingness to listen and learn a different way if being. Absolutle celebration for you Aimee.
Thank you Natasha! And yes there are many many testaments from the support offered by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine teachings and presentations. My life would not be as joyful and full as it is now if I had not had the support and chose to heal this for myself.
This is a very amazing story of transformation Aimee. How many young children and teenagers have these feelings and thoughts of ‘not being good enough’ ? – I would also go as far as saying it is part of growing out of the loveliness of young childhood. But what you share is so relevant for any point in our lives, that it is “not about fixing anything outside of myself, but looking within.” We need to be educated on as we grow up, as your example shows, it could certainly stop the common issues that arise from lack of self worth.
“Breaking the cycle of my bulimia, the self-harm and not feeling good enough and dealing with my underlying self-worth issues, has allowed me to love myself and therefore be able to let others in.”
Wow! What a living miracle and amazing transformation you have gone through Aimee. The later photos are living proof of this. You look radiant and very beauty- full, and in your Glory as a woman.
Thank you Loretta, your comment reminds me that there is so much to appreciate and celebrate when we see through any thing that is self-destructive and harming in any way and make choices that are more in line with the love that we are.
Wow Aimee, you story was just so amazing. To hear how you have claimed what you have for yourself, how you now feel about your body, is truly amazing. It is a testament to you and your dedication to want to heal and also the amazing inspiration that has come from Universal Medicine.
Thanks for sharing this Aimee, a true miracle!
Thanks Aimee for sharing your personal development, you are such an inspiration, how to turn around a life from self-abuse to self-love. Your life is a testimony of what is possible, when somebody like you starts to take responsibility of her or his own choices.
From the hidden intensity of bulimia, to the obvious dysfunction of gross overweight, and everything else in between, our ability to connect with ourselves and to love ourselves is absolutely essential for the ongoing well-being of humanity, and the start of healing of all these facets of disconnection.
Beautifully said Chris “…our ability to connect with ourselves and to love ourselves is absolutely essential for the ongoing well-being of humanity,..” I agree, and when we connect and love ourselves we are then open to connecting and loving others.
“Breaking the cycle of my bulimia, the self-harm and not feeling good enough and dealing with my underlying self-worth issues, has allowed me to love myself and therefore be able to let others in.” This is very inspiring to read Aimee as their are many women who suffer from bulimia. Your story shows that is possible through the support of Universal Medicine to heal our hurts and making self loving choices.
Wow Aimee! What a testament to the healing power of the Universal Medicine modalities and to you – your commitment to living in a different way to truly support yourself. The photos are amazing. I love seeing your presence and stillness after Universal Medicine, but what I also noticed was your eyes – smiling from the inside out.
What you have expressed here Aimee is very important. Especially that when you were a kid you did not have any problems with your body. None. Then when life started to get more intense and hurts came up there were suddenly thoughts of having problems with your body and food. It is actually an illness to think about yourself that you are not beautiful. It is for sure causing us to feel less good so why not call it an illness? Would we ever say to a child you are not beautiful? Would we let a child think that about themselves? It is interesting that it is actually very accepted in society for us to think about ourselves as not beautiful and that there is always something wrong with us. I find this very revealing that it is just something we accept. Where could we go when we collectively would not accept this lack of love for ourselves anymore? A question worth pondering on!
Love the questions you have asked here Lieke and it’s questions like these that will start to dissect and see what is truly going on with the epidemic of not being good enough or seeing ourselves as less in society. It is more accepted or even expected in society for anyone – girl, boy, man or woman – to say things like “I hate this part of my body” or “If only my hair or face or stomach or thighs didn’t look like this”. It’s like you are not even allowed to whisper that you feel or are beautiful. And if you do you are accused of being ‘up your self’. It’s up to all of us not to accept this from each other and talk in a way that claims who we truly are.
A few weeks ago we held a group with 14 year olds at a local school to talk about body image. Every young girl in the class had an issue with a part of their body if not most of their body. When we asked them what they appreciated about themselves at first they found this difficult to articulate, then when we asked them what they appreciated about their friend, they found that a lot easier. The friend was blown out about what the other appreciated about their body and this supported them to begin to look at themselves differently, not through critical eyes. it was very healing for all the girls.
What a deeply powerful and healing activity Mary-Louise, a beautiful seed of appreciation for each young lady to take away with her and feel for herself.
Yes Aimee it was a gift for each girl to take home. The exercise we did with these young girls, encouraging them to express what they appreciate about themselves and the other needs to be taught in the schools as a natural way of relating with each other instead of the bullying and criticism which they are used to. Imagine if at the beginning of each school day this exercise was a part of the morning assembly how inspired would the girls feel? I know when I start my day with appreciating me just for being me it supports my day.
Mary-Louise Myers that’s such a gift for these young women to get a glimpse of themselves with the words of appreciation they received from their peers. It’s not often we get a true reflection without it being about our achievements or the clothes we are wearing, this helps us to build a clearer understanding of ourselves which builds a foundation of connection to our natural essence, this is often blurred from our own vision.
The power of this personal story is grand Aimee and offers true support and inspiration to others not just who have had eating disorders, but for all of us who seek to bury our feelings with any activity that numbs us or gives us a feeling of control.
Yes great point Sarah
Aimee thank you for so openly sharing your journey with us, an amazing transformation. I remember attending my first Heart Chakra presentation when I realised that I had the answers all along, I wondered how I had never realised that my self, to then understand that the world around us is set up in such a way to have self doubt, lack self worth and confidence. However when we reconnect back to ourselves, we are able to stand up tall, confident full of self worth and trust our own knowingness without any doubt.
“I now know that I am the amazing, beautiful and precious woman that I have always been but had lost sight of. And that true beauty comes from within.” This is the key, and made so obvious by your story Aimee. Universal Medicine teaches us the way to release ourselves from this debilitating condition. Your photos are very interesting, in the early ones I can see and feel what a beautiful woman you are but hiding away inside yourself, and in the post meeting Universal Medicine photos you are expressing your beauty from inside and living all of it in life.
Wow – you are a living inspiration Aimee. How many women and men out there struggle with issues of lack of Self-worth, Self-Loathing and eating disorders of various forms and suffer in silence?
To be able to address the root cause of an eating disorder rather than apply a short-lived bandaid to appease family members and friends is True Power – the teachings of Universal Medicine are revolutionary and will change everything in terms of how we approach illness and disease for the results are nothing short of phenomenal – miracle after miracle and yet as you so powerfully describe – Universal Medicine present very simple and practical steps back to ourselves – to learn to love, honour and nurture ourselves.
Definitely a miracle, you had tried all sorts of therapies, and only worked for a little while, going back even to a deeper version of self loathing, until you met Serge and Universal Medicine. One needs to ask: what is it different in Universal medicine? why there is not only your almost incredible story of finally after years of living in control and hurt you come out of the darkness and you obviously (as seen in the pictures) shine like a beautiful radiant still woman? The many stories like yours are a testament that needs to be known. The reconnection to the soul and all the love that it brings into all the cells of your body. Thank you for your choices, thank you for sharing and showing the world that it is possible.
Wow Aimee this is amazing to see and read what a miracle to share of your loving choices after meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. The truth they bring to the world as to the real cause of illness and disease and meanings to suffering misery and emptiness. Thank you for sharing this and your beautiful photographs for all to see and feel the real you and the inspiration for us all to love and care for ourselves foremost and hence everyone as a result.
Indeed Tricia, thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine we are able to find the root causes of the diseases humanity is suffering from. By allowing love into our lives everything we have let in to cover up the absence of love in the years we lived a loveless life, will show up and become clear to us. When we in this way heal our diseases they will be truly healed and by us showing that to the world we are providing other people the opportunity to make the same choices as we have made, presenting a different way of living where illnesses and diseases will be less common than at this moment of time.
What you show to the world with this blog Aimee is a true healing. How many men and women have fallen for the trick to create a version of themselves that is better, best and most loved, just to keep people far away from the tender and delicate person that you truly are so that they cannot hurt you? You found a way to numb yourself from the deep hurt that this hiding or separating from the true you causes. You went in to an eating disorder, others do drugs, alcohol, cut themselves etc. etc. There is no difference because all these “techniques” are acted out to focus on something else instead of feeling the real hurt. Thank you for this honest sharing.
Yes I agree with you Diana escaping into drugs, alcohol, an eating disorder or cutting etc is all one and the same distraction to not feel the hurt and pain we are actually in. I know this because I would go from one distraction to the next and never deal with the underlying issues until I came to Universal Medicine. I then realised that I needed to connect to my body, stop blaming every one else for my miserable life, feel and take responsibility for my hurts and my lack of worth, accept myself and re-connect back to the love I am. My dependancy on all my vices were healed through these simple steps.
It is really inspiring to return to this blog, and re-connect to what is one of the most common and damaging issues for women – lack of self worth. I love, Aimee, how you started to heal by simply creating space for yourself to be able to make more loving choices over time. This feels possible for all of us, no matter how we have been living up to that point. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.
It amazes me how we can go to great lengths to abuse our bodies, all because of the deep hurts we carry in our bodies. When we begin to understand this, then we can begin to heal our bodies and miracles happen.
Caroline, it is incredible the many lengths we can go to, to abuse, contort and completely change ourselves to not feel our hurts, but another major part I have realised is how we can do all of this to have issues and be less than to avoid jealousy coming towards us. While I was abusing myself I wasn’t allowing anyone to truly see the woman I am and definitely wasn’t rocking anyone’s boat around me. This is something I’m understanding and uncovering more and more.
I agree Toni. Articles like this on bulimia are most needed in our society today. In fact most women even though they may not have an eating disorder would benefit from reading this blog. When I was in my teenager years the feeling of not been good enough was extremely painful but I thought I was the only young woman feeling this way. Sharing our stories like this is so supporting for all of us.
Aimee – I love what you say here- “I now know that I am the amazing, beautiful and precious woman that I have always been,” – this is who I met in the UK this year and it is awesome to read your story and meet this lovely you. Thank you for sharing it all and bringing all of you to the world now.
Aimee, it’s so beautiful just to come back to your photographs. Your childhood ones are simply divine and your recent one at the top of the article blows me away by your lightness and vibrancy. A true transformation from the teenage and later years. These are an amazing testimonial for the presentations and teachings of Universal Medicine. No one can photoshop the changes to that extent and no other evidence is needed to prove the quality and integrity of what is shared by Serge Benhayon.
Yes so true Rachel, there are so many amazing testimonials including mine that clearly show the loving changes people have chosen just by looking at a photo. They blow me away!
I agree Rachel. These photos say it all. From a woman looking withdrawn from life, to a claimed, confident and powerful woman who knows herself from the inside out and her eyes emanate this joy that comes from within. It is absolutely a testament to Universal Medicine and the power of our choices.
Aimee thank you for your openness and honesty, what an amazing story of transformation you have. I’ve never experienced Bulimia but I have experienced that drive for perfection after being hurt, and perilously low self worth. It’s amazing how simply caring for yourself and your body improves your self worth. I’ve kind of come to see it a little like a fuel tank, the more I increase love and care for myself the more my self worth increases, but if I stop that care then my self worth tank starts to empty. P.s gorgeous photos too 🙂
Awesome Meg I love the idea of filling up my self worth fuel tank! I have found that increasing the love and care I have for myself has had such a positive impact on the way I feel about myself and now I am much quicker to recognise when that starts to dip.
Meg, I like your fuel tank analogy – the more we love and care for ourselves the more our self worth improves. I am going to play with that myself – what a lovely experiment!
Thank you Meg… I feel for myself that as soon as I make choices that are loving and caring, even the smallest thing, I know I am so very worthy of so much more. I can relate to the self worth tank analogy (very cool) when I don’t make loving choices with what I’m eating or how I’m working, exercising or having enough rest, all thoughts come in of more of the same.
I love your analogy Meg. I will use this one it is so simple: it a little like a fuel tank, the more I increase love and care for myself the more my self worth increases, but if I stop that care then my self worth tank starts to empty. And then we start filling our tank with the wrong fuel so as to not feel how empty we are….drugs ,alcohol, bulimia etc
Having the actual pleasure of meeting you this year Aimee, I found it hard to believe after reading your story that such an amazingly beautiful and gorgeous person that just radiates joy would ever suffer from self worth issues. It just goes to show that if we let those thoughts come in they can lead us totally astray.
Thank you Kevin, such a beautiful confirmation of what I now know myself to be. It totally does expose Kevin “…that if we let those thoughts come in they can lead us totally astray.” and those thoughts can come in whenever I compare to another or start making unloving choices. Loving choices = loving thoughts and feelings to do more of the same.
If you really consider the lengths we go to keep our hurts buried it seems quite ridiculous. I know this, as for years I used drugs, bulimia, alcohol, to name a few distractions I used to avoid feeling. Then when I gave it all up and gave myself permission to feel the hurts I wondered what the big deal had been, why I had abused myself so much for so long simply to avoid the pain I was in, yes it hurt but I felt it, let it go and moved on. This is the trick of our mind thinking the pain will be so full on and/or we will not be able to handle the pain … not true.
Wow Aimee, thank you for sharing your amazing story. To be once held so captive by the belief of not being enough, to today standing tall in the knowing of your gorgeousness is most definitely, as you say, miraculous.
Wow, what an amazing story Aimee…
How inspiring and revelatory would this be to share with teenagers, at a time when there is so much pressure on them to be seen a certain way that is not truly who they are.
Thank you Paula. Yes having this shared in schools would help support teenagers see that there is indeed more to who they are and/or have been told they are from what they see around them. That who they are is found within and if they have forgotten this truth, they can at anytime re-connect.
Reading your Story stilled me deeply. I too have used the not good enough to knock my body around. For myself a pattern (that I might add is presenting at the moment) has been to over eat to be able to give myself a hard time because I would put on weight. This is no longer my issue, the putting on weight. What is though is the over eating. What I am feeling deep within at the moment is that I am connecting to a depth of myself that I have not before considered may even reside within. A beauty that is beyond words that is so precious that I want to live the rest of my life from this. Yet I find that I very easily overeat to take the edge off feeling my true loving nature. As I write this I realised that I have been making the issue about the amount of food that I do or do not eat. Where as the real issue is about fully claiming the depth of love that I have connected to inside. As In claiming this as me, I can feel that the food issue will drop away with very little effort. Thank you Aimee for your sharing.
Thank you, Leigh, for the reminder of what our over eating is actually about – not wanting to feel – what is really going on for us, what our body is communicating to us and also how amazing we truly are.
Thank you Aimee. It’s so beautiful to read and witness your transformation. You show the world that anything is possible. The words and photos speak volumes of how you have committed to turning your life around by simple and loving choices and is a testament to the strength and love that is equally within us all.
I agree Annie, this is an awesome article Aimee, and your transformation is so beautifully reflected in your photos. This sharing with help many as it show them a true way back to their own amazing selves through your reflection.
Aimee, what an amazing turn around you have done! Thank God we now can enjoy all of you! The photos say so much; before Universal Medicine it feels like you were apologising for taking up space. In the later photos you are fully there, claiming your space in this world clearly and without any holding back of the beauty that you truly are. You are living proof and living evidence – of what is possible when we start to learn to live from the inside out, rather than to live in reaction to the world at large, and what we think the world and others want (or don’t want) from us.
Thank you, Aimee. Exploring and discussing our lack of self worth feels really important, to get it out there and talk about the beliefs we hold about ourselves that are no doubt common in women. I hope this article will reach a wide audience – it has certainly helped me, as have the comments from others, to start sharing more about the judgements I still carry towards myself, in order to let go of them once and for all.
Awesome Janet – “…it has certainly helped me, as have the comments from others, to start sharing more about the judgements I still carry towards myself, in order to let go of them once and for all.”
Isn’t it powerful when we start talking and opening up to each other as women and men?! Today I realised more deeply how much self-worth is connected to looking after myself, giving my body what it needs, going for that walk I felt to or sitting in the sun instead of catching up on emails. I can see how this is a good clue for me and where my self-worth is at, by if I honour what I felt to do from my body or not. Thank you for sharing this Janet.
Thank you, Aimee, for openly and honestly sharing this living nightmare of bulimia … it’s so good finding out about others’ experiences via blogs, much more real and memorable … and I love your photos, to see the light-filled kid to the dead-eyed teenager & younger adult to the glorious shining person you are now, such a joy!
I agree Toni, I’ve researched many Bulimia websites and there is nothing out there like this, that focuses on the real issues underneath the act of Bulimia or the fact of who we truly are inside.
Aimee you raise such a fascinating point when you say, without even knowing what bulimia was or how to do it you somehow had the thoughts that did know. Made me stop and ask, how did you know that? So often I hear of very young children doing and acting out things where there is just no way they could have yet learnt that. So raises a bigger question how is this possible? If ‘everything is energy’, as it has been proven then we must be picking up on far more than we realise, even someone elses thoughts. This really isn’t to far fetched after all the sayings are there, “you just read my mind” or “I was just thinking that”.
Awesome point Caroline. Yes I could recall so clearly how all the information was there and it was like being feed to me through thoughts…makes a lot of sense that energy was involved. But what you have also made me consider is how much guilt many including myself hold on to from childhood because of things we acted out – believing that we were naughty or bad or that we wanted to do this or that? Imagine if it was widely understood that if we are energy then surely we would be affected by energy, wether it is loving or loveless?
This is such a deeply touching story Aimee. Lack of self-worth is such an epidemic in women, there are so few who really have not a single skerrick of it in their bodies. In reading your blog I could feel the pain you were in for all that time, and my thoughts went to all those women who suffer similarly for years but successfully hide it from those they are close to. The fact that with the tools offered through Universal Medicine you have managed to change such a strong obsession and are the warm and beautiful woman that shines out of the photos today is truly a miracle. Your story and how you healed yourself needs to be widely told, it could help so many people.
A miracle indeed – your transformation through self love and looking within you only to realise you are everything already is nothing short of Divine. Your story will inspire so many – as having broken the cycle of self abuse by dealing with the root cause will pave a true path for others to learn.
Aimee, your words are so important to show the world what lack of self worth is doing secretly to untold numbers of our young and the destructive behaviors that manifest themselves. Learning to be self-loving should be taught in schools as a requirement with the same importance as reading, writing and math.
Aimee’s words are important to show what the lack of self worth is doing to all of us, but especially so the young. That we now know that this is a falseness is the beginning of the truth, that being, self love is the key to living a true human life. Thanks to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon and the many that are choosing to live their lives from the essence of who they are, such truths are already beginning to be present in our schools, in our communities, our homes and our lives.
Thank you Aimee for sharing how the way to heal bulimia is to re-connect back to yourself and then learn to love and care for yourself from the inside out.
A lot of energy goes into buying food to eat or sneaking food from the cupboard, hiding how much you are eating,finding a quiet place to vomit, preparing the space to vomit, vomiting, cleaning up the vomit and yourself, hiding the fact you are vomiting and pretending nothing is wrong. Imagine if you put all that energy and effort into taking care of yourself and others how much better off you would be. I know because I once wasted all that time and energy on Bulimia and now it all goes into caring for me and others and I fell great
Absolutely Mary-Louise Myers! When I think about all the energy I wasted in Bulimia and setting everything up, I get amazed at how much force I was using that was not me. Clearly there was this tenacity in myself that could instead be turned into deep commitment to myself and support to others. However until the disregard, disconnection and dishounouring of myself as a person and as a woman was not nominated, felt and dealt with nothing would have changed. This is why I realized that using strong will to stop my bulimia, feeling guilty and condeming myself was not enough to stop this crazy OBSESSION (as you well describe it too)….decentralizing the problem as it not only being the nasty behaviour was key…to start putting it behind. However, clearing the huge disregard that we put ourselves into with bulimia takes time ( I am still on that for sure!!), but is well worth leaving the guiltiness behind and start to love again and clear. I would never ever change how I feel today without bulimia and having to deal with the consequences in my body, than to have kept in this destructive cycle of self-loathing, perfectionism and desperately looking for Love outside of my self. All this thanks to Universal Medicine and the pull of my Soul.
Yes Mary-Louise so much wasted time on harming and abusing ourselves, not being there for ourself or anyone else and all of this contributing to a vicious cycle of more of the same. Such a polar opposite to now living in a way that makes life about people and caring for self and others. Now I spend time preparing healthy food that works best for my body so I can do the things that are needed in my day.
What you have written is fascinating and revealing because it has made me realise just how much hurt there is in the world, something which is all too easy to ignore. This is a beautiful revelation of how we should look at the whole question of self worth and your example of bulimia is a mirror of what I did in terms of immersing myself in work and whiskey and cigars. A great reflection – thank you.
There are so many ways to punish ourselves and so many excuses why we do so. As we do it, we learn and become increasingly sophisticated at remaining unnoticed. But, the key thing is the obsession that walks us (notice that I have not said that walks with us). It is the voice that is the real killer, the fact that there is always space to retreat to our little hole where we feel free without realising that we have decided to live life in a small hole.
Aimee you are so beautiful, as is the way you have healed yourself of bulimia. Your story is gold, and I would love to see the women’s magazines featuring people like you. I especially like your words: ‘I started to consider that the true healing for my bulimia and self-worth issues was not about fixing anything outside of myself, but looking within.’
Agreed Anne we need more stories like these in the media, one’s that inspire true change and not what we currently have today, predominately focused on improving ourselves from the outside and missing that true healing comes from within. How too’s at being better at this or that, constantly pushing us into further drive rather than supporting us to connect to self where there is no need for better as we are content in the knowing of who we are.
Thank you Aimee for such an open, honest and truthful sharing of your journey. It is extremely inspiring and “the importance of self-care that then allows us to be self-loving” you illustrate so well. Thank you..
Thanks Aimee. I didn’t know that bulimia was so serious and it could make people feel this way.
Thank you Ariana, yes so much to celebrate!
Having known you for some time I never realised the depth of denial of your natural beauty and grace you had gone to in the past.
Lack of worth plays out in many different pictures in so many our lives but thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine we each have the opportunity to live with true love.
Thank you Aimee for offering your healing as an opportunity to others.
It’s truly incredible what we’ll do to ease the pain; I can feel the journey you’ve described. I appreciate the thoroughly told story and the honesty that’s gone into it, that no doubt serves as a true bridge for those who don’t know how to cross the same gap. May many more read this and share it with those who suffer from Bulimia or self worth issues.
“Wow, could it be that I am not just capable of healing my own hurts, but also that I am already everything I have thought I needed to strive to be?” This is such a gorgeous realisation that knocks out the foundation that so many of our issues in life stand on.
This is a great blog to come back to and re-read Aimee, although never having an eating disorder I have struggled all my life with self worth issues which led to a pretty bad drinking problem. The more I attended Universal Medicine workshops the less I could tolerate the alcohol and would get drunk really quickly, but that now is long in the past. It is only just recently that I am really able to start to fully appreciate myself and know that every single one of us is equally divine and precious no matter where we are at or what situation we are in.
Aimee, what an incredible U-turn back to you. Your story of returning back to you certainly needs to be shared and will be of great support to others who are currently experiencing bulimia. I have learnt so much from reading your account, thank you for sharing.
Aimee this blog is glorious and would be lovely to share with schools bulimia associations – in fact any eating disorder organisations.
Coming back ‘home to yourself’ after attending presentations with Serge Benhayon is a true inspiration for how seeking externally for love and acceptance, just takes us further away from what we are ‘searching’ for. –
“I started to consider that the true healing for my bulimia and self-worth issues was not about fixing anything outside of myself, but looking within”.
Thank you Aimee for this very important post. In the last few years I have come to suspect that most people have some type of eating disorder whether it is anorexia, bulimia, overeating, eating the wrong food for their body etc. Very few people seem to have a healthy relationship with food because of their relationship with themselves.
I absolutely agree Elizabeth, I have been running women’s groups world wide for the last 6 years and when I ask the question to the group wether any of them have any of the eating disorders you mention, EVERY woman in the room puts up their hand no matter what country I am in. I get blown out each time that it is such a huge issue. It exposes their lack of relationship with themselves.
When reading both of your comments Elizabeth and Mary-Louise, I was able to feel the meaning of ”lack of relationship with ourselves” much deeper and if felt amazing!
In the past I have made this reality a struggle, why? Because for me getting to the point to truly feel what to eat, what my body truly needs and stop the emotional eating felt a very, very long way ahead, that meant my relationship with my true self was really poor and behind. I reacted! But I have slowly come to see the point, accepting our lack of true relationship with ourselves is not a ‘dictum’ that is trying to put us down. After all no one every taught me how to do it, I just repeteated what I saw in everyone around who were trying to the best as they could. Pretty much all humanity has a lack of true relationship with themselves. So I have learned that the reaction, rejection and even silent rage that can come when realizing this undeniable fact, is just another trap to fall into self-judgement and feel even more innappropiate. Lack of relationship with ourselves, is just a fact, simple and nothing more. I love getting to feel this, which has been floating around, and only until now I can express it. Thank you for expressing it as it is! I am not apprehensive to start this relationship from wherever I happen to be.. in fact I tend to not stop and appreciate how far I have come already into building up this relationship.!
Pure spiritual pride was that silent rage! An illusion trying to make me feel unable and resistant to start a true relationship with myself. Great to feel this. Thank you.
On re-reading your story Aimee I want to dedicate today to myself, to self-nurturing, self-love and to replace the self-doubt that is often lurking around the corner.
Gorgeous Patricia, I’m with you!
A severe life long condition gone after only six years, some may say that is a miracle Aimee Edmonds, “Six years after being introduced to the teachings of Universal Medicine, the effects of my bulimia eating disorder and the thoughts that so totally dominated and controlled my life are no longer there.”
Thanks you for sharing this Aimee. When we come into this world we absolutely know who we are from the inside out, but the world recognises the opposite and as you shared, we lose sight of who we are. We start believing we need to be more, be different, be better, look different or act in a certain way than that which we innately are. Thank you to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for sharing with us a way to re-connect to the love we have always been.
You have summarized beautifully Michelle, what is at play that has many go from knowing without any doubt of who they are, to believing they are not enough and striving to reach something that is in complete contrast, a wayward picture from the outside. Thank you
Such an amazing turn around of your life, Aimee! Thank you for sharing your story – even though I do not suffer from bulimia it is very inspiring in many ways, as it shows the power self-love has and that it is so worth it to re-connect with oneself. We are the most precious thing in our lives!
Aimee, thank you so much for sharing your story. I personally have not had bulimia, but can very much relate to feelings of lacking self worth and not feeling good enough in my past. What you shared was so very inspiring, i too was introduced to universal medicine presentations, practitioners and healing courses, which changed completely how I view and feel about myself. Thank you again for sharing you story.
Aimee thank you for such a deep and personal sharing. You sharing your experiences and how you healed bulimia, is truly inspiring and will support many. With bulimia being traditional very difficult to treat, what you have presented here needs to be studied. Thank you again.
Wow Amiee a truly inspirational story and transformation. A story like this should be run in print and TV media as it is truly newsworthy. The effects of self-worth and ‘not feeling good enough’ is a societal disease that has or is effecting us all at some or all stages of our lives. I certainly have felt the effects of living with a lack of self-worth in my life, in the unloving choices that I have made from this place of feeling less than. I found that Serge Benhayon profoundly reflects a point where living the love that we already are within can truly begin, from the way that he presents what he lovingly lives. And with this I was able to choose to heal the hurt and pain of living less and started to make self-loving choices that supported me and my connection to my love within. Thank you for sharing your story and reflecting that there most positively is another way to live that celebrates that we are enough, simply by being who we are.
Aimee I never had bulimia – didn’t really know what it was, after reading your article though I could feel how much abuse there has been in different forms in order to control my body and my view of myself in relation to the way the world would see me. This has had a huge impact and as you write there has been so much manipulating and contorting of myself in order to manage and control every situation with every person and interaction. I found a way back from the harm through connecting with me and starting to unpick the bones of what has been holding me and this because I have also had the deep support of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon to support this transition back to love over the past 10 years. Thank you for writing an amazing piece that will support so very many.
Thank you Lee for exposing for me too the depth of the abuse that I have meted out to my body in the past in different ways particularly in holding back my expression and how I punished my body through my frustration with myself for not speaking up. Amazing that in the past I would have considered that I didn’t have an eating disorder but I now recognise how my eating has often been very abusive to my body.
Aimee, your present day picture says it all–feeling you in your presence and love is beautiful. We are all enough and equally beautiful when we connect back to our own love, and through this love, everyone who meets us–whether they know us personally or not, get to feel us reflecting back, not just our love, but their own love in them too–which is exactly what I felt looking at your after picture and reading this blog.
Thank you for sharing what it is like to live with bulimia. I could see so clearly how easy it was for you to distract yourself from actually dealing with the root cause of the problem. You can hear, see and feel the difference in you by the end of your blog. Lucky Canada getting you and your family and all that love 🙂
What a truly inspiring article, Aimee. Your photographs on their own tell your amazing story of a life turned around through love. Adding your own words and beautifully honest insights to these pictures, offers heart warming inspiration to any and all who are suffering under false constructs of not being enough, not being good enough, being worthless, being useless.
One look into your gorgeous eyes, as one who has been through this herself and emerged on the other side, will show them the truth.
What an amazing journey, shared with such honesty. The pictures of you are ‘worth a thousand words’ – the joy visible in you as a child has returned.
Aimee your story truly warmed my heart. So much energy going into that drive to be good, in such a destructive and energy sapping way. Yet so many of us in either gross or subtle forms do the same. Whether it be food, work, sport and exercise, relationships, entertainment, family ties or a mix of all of these and more, we make life into a pre-occupation because we rarely feel we are enough, just as we are. Serge Benhayon has and is showing those who realise this, that being enough in a consistent way, is a matter of energetic awareness and choosing for our body a loving way of being. When we truly understand how we are living not being enough, we open up a choice to heal way beyond being enough, to being immensely loving and joyful. These qualities naturally build when we stop putting so much energy into keeping ourselves small. I deeply appreciate how you have chosen this and written about it.
Simon yes in one way or another we are all at the mercy of our negative, destructive and controlling thoughts … until we realise we have a part to play in accepting those thoughts or choosing with self loving awareness that they are fed to us and in Aimee’s case they even came with instructions on how to do to bulimia.
How powerful to see through the trap that is layed and to be aware the mind plays tricks to keep us small.
Connecting with our inner heart and building a foundation on self love and care which doesn’t accept anything less than love is the freedom from the imposed instructional behaviours.
I love the depth and insight of your response, Simon. That we make life a preoccupation- how true! That by choosing to go beyond not being enough and being enough brings us to opening ourselves to a life lived in love and joy – awesome.
Simon,
I very much love this sentence. “These qualities naturally build when we stop putting so much energy into keeping ourselves small.” The naturalness of who we are is so very simply present when we let go of being less, of keeping ourselves small.
Thank you for sharing your inspiring account Aimee. To have no trace of the self-worth issue that caused the bulimia is a miracle. I am continuously astounded by all the miraculous turn-arounds people have made by living the teachings presented by Serge Benhayon.
Thank you Aimee for this great sharing and insight into bulimia and the turn about in your life through the presentations by Serge Benhayon is nothing short of a miracle.
Aimee, it is great that you have been able to give the time to address the underlying causes of your bulimia, for it feels like without that honest consideration no treatment of the problem would ever have a meaningful effect. I would imagine there are many for whom bulimia feels like a lifetime curse they will have to suffer, you show that this need not be the case thanks to the support you got from Universal Medicine practitioners and how much the teachings of the ageless wisdom resonated with you and allowed you to deal with what was in your body.
I agree, for many people it feels like a lifetime curse, which is the case with many disorders and emotional issues. It becomes a ‘you just have to live with it’ and make the best of it. This is not true though. Universal Medicine shows there is another way, a way where if we deal with our hurts, we can be free from all those burdens and disorders.
Yes Mariette, I remember when I was bulimic myself in my teens and even twenties, it did feel like this was going to be my life forever, caught in this vicious cycle. I did manage to curb the behaviour, but with taking on other self-harming habits like smoking and unhealthy relationships…… Amazing how we can ‘think’ we fix one symptom (which is not the real issue) of self loathing, only to replace it with other damaging behaviours. Only through studying with Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon have I been able to get myself out of all this and now I am truly embracing myself and my life fully, just being more of myself, and not needing to hide anymore. I am also proof that what Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon offer and that is that self-love and self-care truly does heal and is our way forward as a humanity.
Hey Esther, thank you for this honest sharing. It has been almost the same for me. I replaced my bulimic behaviour, which occurred very strongly from 14-16 and after that occasionally, with smoking and all kinds of patterns that helped me not to feel my huge sadness and lack of acceptance, especially overeating every evening. I have been in disregard nearly all my life, my body just did not matter. Thanks to Universal Medicine all of that has changed now. But I still often feel the old energy of numbing myself with food but the more I love myself the less my drive to eat…
Gorgeous Aimee. It is good to have you back! This is a pretty amazing story – a miracle as you have described. And there are so many of these stories from hundreds and hundreds of people all over the world – including me – explaining how we used to cope with life through bulimia or anxiety or addiction etc., to now having let those ways go and living amazing and vital lives. Thanks for sharing with us your transformational story.
The force that has driven you feels very real and is still around us everywhere we look and everywhere we go. It’s in advertisements, it’s in coffee, in the way we work, in the way our houses are built – all around us, waiting to enter. The healing modalities as presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine offered me the key to see more and more the gates through which that energy could enter. The key for me is feeling that I am enough. Thanks Aimee for this reflection.
When we feel enough and claim that we seal the door on all that which is not true.
Wow Aimee, it’s amazing and inspiring to read of your miraculous turnaround here, trapped previously by your own mind and fascinating and cunning to read of the behaviours we can go into to avoid feeling that we’re not good enough just as we are because of the ideals we’ve taken on that society imposes on us. I’ve been noticing some of my own of late in how I go to eat certain foods when I’m not hungry, to not feel what is coming up, when it would be so much simpler to just feel what is coming up and let it go. It’s like a game I’ve been playing since I was a child, eat badly and don’t feel so good after/the next day and then I can confirm to myself how I’m not good enough which keeps me down from being all that I am. It’s crazy! Knowing that I am already totally amazing regardless has given me a much more solid foundation to stand on, something I was not aware of and had forgotten before coming to the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom. As you say ‘I now know that I am the amazing, beautiful and precious woman that I have always been but had lost sight of.’ As I look at your picture, it says it all really, the joy and warmth you now live with through your own love and care for yourself shines right back at me, showing me that I am that too. Lovely.
Amazing Aimee – your story really is a miracle. So many people suffer in silence and never understand why. Your path to discovering that you hold all the answers to your own issues, and are already everything you need to be, without needed to do anything. Thank you for sharing so honestly.
Aimee, it’s very revealing to read the extent to how a life is totally possessed by any addiction, in your case the bulimia. And how the key always is to start to appreciate and love oneself. And to be in the body. And you made the choice to change, which led to Universal Medicine and there you are, radiant and healthy!
We know society and the media are deeply hurting women and girls, yet we still accept it and do not speak up to create change in a one unified fashion. We read a story like this and we don’t connect the dots, we see it as a confusing anomaly, yet it makes sense this happened to Aimee. In a world pushing perfectionism and impossible physical and performance ideals, where no one is appreciated for who they are, only recognised for what they do, and we are not taught to love and care for ourselves, then it’s a perfect feeding ground for conditions like bulimia. Aimee your story was raw and honest, and exposes how most women and girls really feel – like they are not good enough. Your recovery and vibrant joy and ease with yourself now is evident in the photos – thank goodness you found Universal Medicine. A must read for all women and families.
Hi Aimee,
this is the second time I have read this blog. It is such an important piece of writing because it is such a support and insight for anyone with addictive behaviour of any kind. I have never had an eating disorder in the clinical sense of the term but I recognised the relationship with food and trying to escape the feelings of never being good enough. The photos of you tell such an incredible story also. When I first met you and I saw how clear and joyful and bright your face was I would never in a million years have guessed that before Universal Medicine this was what you were going through. So yes, absolutely, a true miracle.
Absolutely, this photo of you Aimee is a reflection of true healing where the underlying issues of lack of self acceptance have been addressed and joy and the absolute knowingness of who you are emmanates.
You never know what people are going through or experiencing. So many are in so much confusion and anxiety and living with so many different things. Thanks for sharing your story Aimee. The smile on your face in the last picture is priceless.
Yes Simon, I agree that we don’t know what is always going on with people which is why it is so important to drop judgement of others and listen and be with an open heart.
Wow Aimee. I love looking at your photos now, you look like you are so in love with you and boy who could blame you! Not an ounce of lack of self worth in these photos. What an inspiration you are and a beautiful role model for those who may be in a similar situation.
Reading the beginning of your sharing again, it reminds me how we are still so present, joyful, sensitive, aware and natural as children and how we lose this often when we grow older. How different our lives would be if we could keep this pureness we have as children.
Beautiful and inspiring story. Thank you for sharing
Since reading this blog I have been inspired to look more closely at my relationship with food. I have discovered that although I do not have extreme habits, there is still an element of control around what and how I eat, a control that is not coming from my body in response to what it wants, but from my head trying to keep every thing safe.
Amazing realisation Shami.
Yes – great realisation, Shami. I have found myself considering that too: do I have a great routine with food, always eating at the same time, or is it a form of control?
Yes Shami, I can relate to what you are saying here. My relationship with food has changed greatly over the years but reading this article and Shami’s comment has disturbed me offering another opportunity to bring more love into my relationship with food.
Wow Aimee, I didn’t actually know that bulimia could also be by using laxatives – I had thought that it was just throwing up. Thank you so much for sharing, I’ve learnt a lot from your blog about bulimia and hearing about the changes you made to your life to be more self-loving is inspiring
Aimee I love your blog. Having had an eating disorder for 30 years from fifteen to forty five at times more intense then other times your description is very accurate, in my case I never used laxatives as I chose to vomit. In the hight of my obsession I would eat (and by eating I mean stuff my self until I could not fit another cake or piece of bread or what ever my latest binge food was in) and vomit up to four times a day. It is a wonder I have any teeth left as this behaviour went on for years never healing the underlying issue only lessening the behaviour. It took also for me to come to Universal Medicine before I began to heal the underlying issue and free me from this obsession. What I realised recently was that I chose to be bulimic because of the jealousy that I was being attacked with by people close to me and that they would not be jealous if I was bulimic. This was a revolutionary realisation, it is extraordinary the things we do to avoid the energy of jealousy.
Another awareness I had about a year ago was that the high mercury level that was detected in my blood was from the disregard I put my self into having bulimia. It was not about the mercury levels in the fish it was the energy that I took in to continue the behaviour and thoughts. Since I have been clearing this energy out of my body the mercury levels have dropped dramatically. They are not right back to what they need to be yet and I feel that this will happen soon as I claim the deeper connection with myself as the divine woman I know myself to be and not be concerned about what this brings up for others.
I have been observing that I can have thoughts to eat something when I do not need to, to take me away from connecting deeper with myself and with others. A subtler but still similar energy to the more gross thoughts of Bulimia. Seems to me that I am clearing the remains of the energy…the bottom of the barrel.
What really stood out for me in your comment Mary-Louise was the realisation “…that I chose to be bulimic…” This is huge! I, myself, have recently realised I chose anxiety as my coping mechanism for life. In order to not feel what I didn’t want to feel, to shut me down to all that I felt was going on around me and coming at me. Can’t say it was very effective as I still felt everything anyway; I just tricked myself into thinking that I didn’t. Seems like bulimia could very well have been the same, a coping mechanism.
Beautiful sharing Mary-Louise. So honest and totally exposing. Your dedication and commitment to the truth and forever evolving. I can feel by what you have written bulimia may have been an issue, but it does not define who you are. Your comment is very supportive and confirming.
Awesome sharing Mary-Louise, I can also have thoughts about eating something while I don’t need any food, just to avoid connecting with myself deeper and others. I use nuts for this. But also at moments that I feel great. The nuts are really a filling up and a kind of food that dulls me and takes me away from me.
Honestly sharing about your experience with bulimia Aimee is enormously powerful. It really brought home to me how much we are aware of what is wrong in the world but we do not want to admit it and then we turn the problem in on ourselves and make it about there being something wrong with us. Developing self-love and self-care is certainly the antidote to this.
What an inspiring read Aimee. Thank you for sharing. Bulimia is so common yet kept so quiet. For me there was a lot of shame around it which only fuelled the lack of self worth and acceptance of the gorgeousness I now know I am. Two close friends from high school divulged to me a few years out of school that they were suffering from bulimia. I couldn’t believe that not only was I on the treadmill of self-harm but 2 women who were both so incredibly gorgeous, intelligent and socially very popular (quite perfect on the outside) had this intense turmoil going on inside too. I thankfully stopped in my early twenties (now 34) but it wasn’t until I came across Universal Medicine that the true work on self-care and self-worth started. The mental and physical self-torture involved with bulimia is a killer and it needs to be talked about more. Thank you again for sharing your gorgeous light – all power to you xo
Dear Aimee, Thank you for sharing your healing journey. Like you, I thank Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon for my healing journey too. I can so relate to living my life with and through my lack and limitations and imposing beliefs that was not truthful and loving to me. I felt like I was chasing my tail….the more I did the worse it got and it wasn’t enough. Until the lot came crashing down on top of me. My journey back to me Aimee, like you is the inner connection and that we are not our symptoms. There is another way….for me it gave me back the authority and permission to listen to me. Beautiful, truthful and inspiring sharing Aimee.
Aimee thank you for your amazing blog. I can totally relate to making decisions to be the best at just about everything, not because it was a true expression to do my best, but to run from the feelings a lack of self worth brings up. Over the years I have made myself into anything that I felt was required of me, rather than feeling what was true for me. If I heard people talking about someone’s behaviour or personality traits in a critical way I would make sure I ruled those out of my life to avoid the same criticism. Through Universal Medicine I too have learnt to love and honour myself. It is always a work in progress, but the way I feel about myself now compared to before, well there is no comparison.
I also always wanted to be the best at everything. My whole life was a big run for recognition and I did not realize that recognition would never fulfill me, no matter how much I achieve in my life. I always wanted to be better than others, wanted to be seen and liked, so that I did`t have to feel that I was not able to love myself. It has been an endless drive for more and I have been in nervous tension all the time. Universal Medicine helped me to appreciate and love myself so much, I really like just being with me and it feels so absolutely freeing not always to look for recognition anymore.
Aimee, this is a most beautiful and profound blog. Rarely do you see bulimia talked about in such a way with open-ness, honesty and clarity. You have taken full responsibility for yourself and your health, worked on healing and are now living an amazing, free and loving life as a result. A very inspirational story (and images!), and a wealth of wisdom here too. Thank you!
It feels very supportive to read you blog and get confirmed when we are selfcaring what a positive effect this is has for our health and wellbeing.
Thank you for sharing this miracle, Aimee. The self worth issues you describe are at the core of so many of us and the gifts Serge has given us in showing how self love can turn this around are truly a blessing. Your blog presents an inspiration for me to go deeper.
Aimee, what an honest post, super-supportive for not just those who have/had experienced bulimia, or eating disorders, but for us all. The issue and subject of eating being related to self-worth is a wise and worthy consideration. That when we value ourselves through deeply looking after ourselves, there is no denying how this care manifests, and as evidenced by your (after) photos that shine a level of self-worth that is so inspiring to see and feel.
I agree Zofia, this blog is relevant to all with or without bulimia. It is quite possible that we have all used food as a connection to self-worth, or the lack of it. On my “off” days I use food to numb and distract myself; to dull my awareness. When I am feeling open and joyful the cravings for food in the same way simply aren’t there.
Well said, Zofia. Relating eating habits to self worth is relevant for the majority of us. Even though I did not take it to the extremes described by Aimee, using food to numb, dull, avoid, comfort and so forth is a common disorder that keeps us disconnected from our bodies and from honouring ourselves and what we are truly feeling.
Wow Aimee, thanks for sharing your miracle story. By you being so honest I was able to feel how consumed one can become by sickness and how detrimental lack of self love is. I bet you never imagined that your life would become one of inspiration. You have moved into having true control over your life instead of a false control your illness believed you to have
The lack of self worth is such a hideous trap for so many people and current society is heavily geared to encourage people to keep searching for the solutions to the inner emptiness via external means. The realisation that self care and self love is the the foundation, is life changing in every way. Thank you Aimee for sharing such a powerful example of the healing that can occur when we are able to truly love and value ourselves.
Aimee your blog gives such a powerful insight into the world of bulimia, something I have not personally experienced but know many who have. What I could really relate to was that underlying sense of never quite feeling good enough, and always pushing myself to be more and do more to be successful or seen in life. What I am realising is that it all comes back to that inner glow we all possess, something so beautifully evident in your pictures. A glow that comes from deeply appreciating the beauty, wisdom and truth we all carry within our hearts and can live, if we choose to the love the person we are.
Aimee thank you for sharing your personal battle with bulimia. The sharing of your story is so very profound as what you offer is the understanding and awareness of how true healing can occur. It is so very rarely spoken about as if it needs to remain hidden or be ashamed of when in fact it is something that we need to talk about very openly so that women and men alike who may suffer with this condition are able to begin to heal in truth.
How those with bulimia manage to hide their behaviour from others so successfully shows the acuteness of the shame and lack of self worth. We can live in life hiding a large part of it from others, and with the others totally unaware of it. This show a huge lack of communication, and to communicate is the first step toward healing. But there is so much more to it than that, and you have shown by your story Aimee, how complete the healing can be through truly being able to accept the unique beautiful woman you are. Serge Benhayon brings a greater understanding of this process than anyone I have ever met. He speaks truth, and then we are able to recognise our true selves. There is no hiding any more, and all those things we attach to that stop us feeling how beautiful and powerful we can be, drop away.
Thank you so much Aimee for sharing your story of bulimia. Lack of self worth is the hidden epidemic in our society and however the symptoms present, choosing to self love begins our healing process.
You have shared with so much clarity Aimee, how true healing can occur when we reconnect to who we truly are through self-loving choices. From this place we can feel how these self-abusive patterns of behaviour such as purging are the mind’s solution to not feeling an inherent lack of self-worth.
You are amazing, Aimee.
Yes Elizabeth, it is only with dealing with the cause of our illnesses that we can truly heal, we often spend so much time focusing on the illness or dis-ease itself we fail to look at what got us there in the first place.
The dis-ease of not being good enough is so ingrained in us that we have become to accept it as normal and it is not surprising when everywhere we look we see airbrushed images and so called ‘perfect’ women (and men) on the front covers of magazines. What is so beautiful about your blog is the way you have changed how you felt about yourself through something as simple as self care and yet self care is nowhere to be seen in any school, business or institution yet it is fundamental to our well being and performance.
Reading the comments it is astounding just how many people have/had a feeling of “not being good enough”. As a society we need to look at the way we are raising children that instils in them a belief that they are not good enough. It is a current day plague.
I agree, Elizabeth, we need to look at how we raise and educate our children so they learn that they are enough simply for being who they are. To grow up believing otherwise leads to a distortion that forever limits our expression.
Yes agreed Elizabeth and Carmel, seeing how much children change when they start school (if not before), and are compared by how well they do ‘technically’ at school and not celebrated for what they know and feel inside.
I’ve observed children trembling and crying when they have not known an answer or how to do something. The pressure to be perfect starts very early – being seen for what we do is a huge rejection to the amazing love and wisdom we know from our bodies.
For me the antidote to this epidemic is to be able to feel who we truly are deep in our hearts and live this grandness. We can then pass this onto our children and raise them in the knowing that who they are is majestic and infinite… and there is nothing in this grandness that is ‘not good enough’ or that needs changing. This way of parenting is life changing as well as society changing, and there are children being parented in this way within the world right now. How amazing are these children going to be when they are adults? Just spectacular!
I agree Robyn, the beauty in those children can be crushed unless we live a different way, as you say, unless we are aware and deeply appreciate our own beauty and grandness no matter what results we get at school or in the world. Live our grandness, not just by telling them, but by what they see we live.
I agree Robyn, it may well take a generation to be able to see something on a larger scale, the more we, as women who can feel the difference in our bodies, bring our children up to know this from young so that it is their foundation to take to their relationships, lives and families, the less we will see of these destructive and debilitating coping mechanisms.
Dear Aimee,
I so appreciated reading your blog. Your openness in sharing this touched me very deeply and your story goes to show how powerful it is to be honest with ourselves in dealing with our issues. A thousand thankyou’s.
What an amazing turnaround Aimee and it’s gorgeous to see and feel how loving you now are towards yourself which is such a gift for yourself and those around you.
I have to say what struck me is the thoughts being there of how to do ‘bulimia’ because I can honesty say I would never think of using laxatives, which I am now aware of many bulimics use to control their weight. When does anyone talk about laxatives? Really? in conversations, and as a young person – I don’t think so. Our thoughts are not our own that Serge has shared just feels very pertinent here, that we are literally fed our thoughts and fed what and how to do something so damaging to our body speaks volumes about the truth of what is really at play here.
Aimee, thank you for sharing your story, the thoughts about not being good enough can take us anywhere and your self abusive story involving bulimia is one many women take. We are truly blessed to have Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine shining a light, a very bright light, on how to love ourselves and thus as you have discovered, our lives completely turn around and we can love ourselves rather than abuse ourselves.
I can also comment on what a joy you are Aimee, thank you for this amazingly insightful and beautiful blog. There are so many points that I can relate to myself, punishing myself and my body being one of them. I love your photos and this moment to really appreciate and celebrate the changes you have made in your life, the beautiful man and young boys in your life are absolutely blessed by your love for yourself and then for them equally. Inspirational! thank you.
Thank you Aimee for sharing so intimately with us. As a young teenage girl I also experienced bulimia for about 1-2 years. There were such extreme feelings and emotions that I did not have the tools or understanding to deal with them appropriately. I can totally relate to not feeling ‘good enough’ and the self worth issues that dominated my whole sense of self for many years until I too came across the work and presentations of Serge Benhayon.
Marcia, this is something I remember as well – “There were such extreme feelings and emotions that I did not have the tools or understanding to deal with them appropriately.” Imagine if we were encouraged to listen to our bodies and feel all our feelings, from when we are young and that be the focus before learning anything else? Like hearing very young children being totally honest and saying ‘no’ if something doesn’t feel right to them.
Those extreme emotions that come up during adolescence and the onset of puberty need to be understood and supported in a way that we have not quite done as yet. It is not common practice to encourage a relationship with your feelings and a deeper understanding of reactions. Also how food can influence the thoughts that then come, rather there is an acceptance that Pre-menstrual tension is dealt with through the large consumption of sugar, chocolate and ice cream, which from my own experience makes everything 10 times worse!!
Aimee your story will be inspiration for others with not just eating disorders but the whole list of things that people try to be more by being less to themselves. How insidious is ‘Not being good enough’.
‘Not feeling good enough’ is another epidemic we have as a society yet to admit.
That was a great article Aimee and the photos say it all, a very remarkable transition and well done on connecting to your inner beauty
Aimee what an incredible transformation and experience of our innate ability to heal. Your story needs to be shared with the many people who are struggling with food issues that may also be due to a lack of self-worth.
Wow Aimee a super honest and open account of the choices you were making and the choices you are now making because of your willingness to heal. I was interested in the time when a solution came to you in how to deal with the hurts and lack of self worth and how you later thought this was going to be your life. I remember times in my life when in a low period that I also could see no other way. It is therefore a miracle that the inspiration of another, Serge Benhayon, who is simply living with care and love towards himself can help facilitate these changes in our choices that we then make for ourselves. Thank you for sharing.
Aimee having just read an article on what inspiration is I can certainly say the photos and the way you now live is deeply inspiring especially the changes you have made. What I also get is that with many other modalities the reliance is on something outside yet what you’ve shared today is that the true healing is coming back to everything you are and always have been. This has also been my experience of Universal Medicine from the first workshop I attended.
Aimee thanks for such an honest and open sharing of your battle with bulimia. I too battled with bulimia for a short period in my life, I was deeply hurting and felt unworthy so I began this self-destructive cycle to distract me from what I was truly feeling. Thanks to Universal Medicine and the love and true care they share with everyone, I too was able to heal self worth issues and old hurts. Your journey from self worth to self-love is an amazing story and will support and inspire many others dealing with similar issues.
Aimee, I too lived with Bulimia for years and reading your blog made me realise that it started at around 18 when I broke up with my first serious boyfriend. It totally destabilised me as I’d put everything into this relationship making me happy and thought we would be married. I had such low self-worth back then and turned to food to console myself and developed a cycle of binge eating, vomiting and starving myself through crazy diets. Even though I stopped these behaviours by my early 30s, the low self worth was still driving my choices, until I started addressing it through healing sessions and attending Universal Medicine workshops and events. And it is now that i can appreciate just how far I’ve come…thank you so much for sharing your story.
Yes Sandra I agree, thank you Aimee for sharing your very inspiring story. Thank you too Sandra for bringing the honesty and healing of your experience too.
I can appreciate that honesty is such an important key to our healing, for an amazing woman like Aimee to have lived with such shame around her (secretive) illness to now be sharing it far and wide is a pure miracle which brings healing and the opportunity of choosing more self-loving ways for all of us.
Aimee, the photos of you at 30 and now tell the story…wow, look at you now – your gorgeous smile lights up a room! It’s important that we realise that Bulimia is not the problem as you know, that’s just the means to an end. You could have gone with drugs or alcohol to not feel the hurts and lack of self worth – it’s just a different form of self-abuse and way of not feeling what is going on. You are a walking everyday miracle for taking the steps to heal and come out the other end as the beautiful woman you are…and have always been.
Thank you Sandra! Yes I agree its very important to look deeper into what is actually going on when someone is being self-abusive in any way.
There is a very big stigma around eating disorders, cutting, drug taking etc of being something so extreme that is put out there as being foreign and far fetched and non-relatable… however, if we bring it back to that it can come from a lack of love and true care, hurt, lack of self worth, self loathing etc… how non-relatable is that now to so many in society?
What is it when we overeat, push ourselves, keep going when we are exhausted, go flog our body till it can’t move anymore?
Thank you Amina, and yes everyone misses out including ourselves when we hide away and not show our full selves to the world.
Wow Aimee what a powerful story of transformation which asks you to heal self worth issues.
Thank you Aimee for sharing so openly your experiences around bulimia. Universal Medicine has brought through a depth of healing to so many by shining a light on our relationship with food and many other substances that are used to abuse and suppress the many hurts that we all carry. No other healing modalitie or therapy teaches us that we are already enough, that we have a magnificence and wholeness already within us and that there is nothing wrong with the true us. This is groundbreaking and you are testament to just how powerful this is. The joy and tenderness of how you now live shines so brightly from your gorgeous photos.
Aimee, this is such an honest sharing about how you were able to deal with your illness. Thank you very much.
Such deeply honest and open blogs like these are deeply powerful as they address the root cause of the illness or disease – and don’t look for solutions to try and fix it, nor say it’s something you’ll have to live with for the rest of your life, this is not true and giving your power away. What I also deeply appreciate is that it has made me realise I still have a control issue with food.
Dear Aimee, what a powerful and ground breaking blog – this says it all and answers the question the medical professions have been going round in circles with for years – ” as my self-worth issues had never been addressed, the bulimia returned”. If we don’t address the root cause of an illness or disease – which as you have shared stems from emotions – then it will never be truly healed – only masked over, buried deeper to surface and return one day – and on the cycle continues. This article should be compulsory training reading for every medical professional from councillors, to doctors and students. And an amazing article for parents, school children and other people who may suffer bulimia, eating disorders or lack of self worth issues – really for all.
What I experienced in my life is nothing like the bulimia but I also kept myself busy – in my case with thinking – in order not to feel what is really going on. Dealing with our emotions can take up a very big proportion of our day.
Aimee, this is a super courageous blog and one all men and women need to read. Thank you deeply.
Thank you Adam, I absolutely agree. Stories like these and many many others on this blogsite can not be kept to just the author and people closest to them… they need to be shared because their ‘realness’ is what humanity is asking for.
Isn’t it amazing how something outside of ourselves can lead us to not feeling ‘enough’ and the way we choose to react to it can lead to us being even further away from ourselves. It’s beautiful to see you absolutely shining in your photos now, and how choosing to love and care for yourself has brought you back to being all of you.
Aimee, I am amazed by how you have been able to turn your life around and you look so full and vibrant in the photos. You are a great role model for any one who struggles with this condition to know and to see that there is another way.
“I started to consider that the true healing for my bulimia and self-worth issues was not about fixing anything outside of myself, but looking within.” this is so relatable for many things, we are constantly looking outside of ourselves to fix something when really the answer is inside us
So true Anne, when really the answer lies within.
Great reminder Anna S I still find myself trying to fix the outside at times with out addressing what is really going on within me. Addressing what is going on within at times can be really challenging and I have heard these words many times well before Universal Medicine. But the difference is that when it’s presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal medicine it is presented with so much more understanding as to why and also that within you is something extraordinary, it is presented with absolute truth and love and you know it’s the way. The way of living your extraordinary love from within you.
Yes Anna, really it could be like a neon sign in front of us, when we start looking for something to fix us – ‘how am I?’
Thank you, yes Anna S, the self responsibility of what we can do within.
A beautifully written blog. Thank you Aimee.
Thank you Aimee – We know what feels right and wrong in our bodies, and when it gets out of hand, we try to find something to fix it – usually some sort of solution. But as you have discovered – it isn’t about fixing the problem, but understanding what is behind it.
I too went through years of abusing my body in some way – starvation, bulimia, binging, laxatives – but I never felt like they were the issues – because the common thread was the way I felt about myself. Universal Medicine helped me to understand that and why it is so important that we understand our bodies and value ourselves.
You offer such healing to so many with your beautiful blog, Aimee. I feel that there are many in the world who may not have bulimia as such but who like me can relate to much of the behaviour that you describe and of not feeling enough in the world. I have an obsession with food which dictates so much of my day – it sometimes feels that it is always there at the back of my mind like a constant niggle. I realise that this is not a healthy relationship with food and as I build a more loving and intimate relationship with myself the attraction of food lessens.
Reading the blog again and also a lot of the comments, it just made me realize that as a humanity, we all in fact have a food issue/disorder. When you look at the supermarket what is offered, the amount of food that we eat, the fact that obesity is over the roof, young girls who are on diets etc. We are quite lost when it comes to food. Thank you for Universal Medicine in showing the path and reflecting the truth.
Thank you, Aimee. This blog is so powerful because you write from your lived experience, and share the key to healing the hurt that caused your eating disorder. Lack of self worth is endemic across the world, and plays out in many varied behaviours. Universal Medicine has truly helped me to get to the root cause of this issue and this has been life changing for myself, as it has been for you and thousands of others.
This is a very powerful article Aimee and shines a light on the harm that can be caused by a feeling of lack of self-worth. Your story of how you tried every option ‘out there’ to try and solve the problem didn’t work but on your very first meeting and listening to Serge Benhayon you found the answer waiting inside you to start to heal the self-harm of bulimia.
Dear Aimee, thank you for sharing so honestly and in detail how life with bulimia was for you. It is such a hidden illness because people who suffer from it feel very ashamed and do everything humanly possible to keep it secret. I suffered from it for many years myself too. And when I was in it, I did not know how I would ever break out from this vicious cycle. Only when finding Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon was I able to start to truly heal my lack of self-worth and total lack of confidence, which was underlying my bulimia as well.
This is a very powerful story Aimee, and thank you for sharing it with us. Initially I wondered if I would relate to this as I’ve not had anything like Bulimia in my life. However, I have had many secret behaviours of one sort or another as I am sure we all have. Sneaking biscuits as a kid, a bit more alcohol that I don’t want people to see at Uni, or eating things my family disapprove of as an adult. The feelings of shame that come through from these little secret behaviours is the most debilitating thing about them… and like you its through more self acceptance that I can let go of the need to keep it hidden and learn to be more myself.
This is an amazing blog Aimee. What struck me in particular was the question you asked yourself after coming across Universal Medicine — that not only are you capable of healing your own hurts, but that you already are everything you longed to be.
How utterly crazy that we live in a world that constantly implies the opposite, that we need to be better, more of something, and that we’re never enough.
Your story is very inspiring and should be shared with as many people as are willing to read this and see that there is absolutely another way, a way that is about honouring our bodies, honouring our feelings, our delicate natural ways and that we are more than enough just as we are. How the world would simply transform if en masse we connected to this truth and lived it as you share here. That’s something to focus and ‘strive’ for 🙂
Katerina, you have well expressed the essence Aimee is bringing to the world and I totally agree this should be read by a big amount of people in order to make more public that there is another way.
The picture of you now Aimee says it all. You are radiant! Whilst this particular type of self abuse is not something I have experienced, I have definitely felt the lack of self worth rule my life. I’ve also had that voice in my head say ‘right, it’s time to do this this and this’. All to avoid feeling what is really going on. It will always catch up with you, and I too feel grateful for coming across Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon who have simply just shown me that there is another way. If you deal with your stuff, life get’s easier. It’s a no brainer, but it is a choice, and sometimes, when we’re stuck in our patterns of misery, it can be hard to break the comfort of that.
What you have written is very honest and I am sure something many can relate to. When I was in my teens I used to monitor what I ate only having either really low calorie things, chewing gum or toast and would also take laxatives. It became clearer later on in my life that the reason I did this was because I felt I did not have any control or say in my life; from a young child that used to be really outspoken I ended up feeling I could not do in life what I really wanted (especially career wise); but my food, that I could control! I eventually sorted my food out but still didn’t honour myself and what I felt completely. What Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine present is really needed and for absolutely everyone. For me it has helped me to let go of all I am not, all old ideals, beliefs and patterns that I have lived and let run me to return back to who I really am. And I am now doing the job that feels so right for me, I am now listening, honouring and responding to what I feel is true. I loved what you wrote here “Wow, could it be that I am not just capable of healing my own hurts, but also that I am already everything I have thought I needed to strive to be?”
Aimee I loved reading your honest blog about bulimia and seeing the amazing transformation in your photos. A long time ago when I was in my twenties I had food issues too and I remember the misery of that self-imposed and obsessive prison. The power of what is on offer through the simple techniques offered by Universal Medicine, particularly the practice of self-love is nothing short of miraculous, as your story shows. But you are the one who was willing to turn your life around and your sharing is a gift to many people.
Yes Josephine, how amazing would it be to see the techniques offered by Universal Medicine used in Eating Disorder clinics across the world – now this would be something truly worthwhile, beneficial and healing for all involved.
Reading through your blog Aimee I could feel the imprisoning effect of the lack of self worth and all that we bring into our life to deal with that. Thank you for sharing your story and the turn around for you to know that beauty comes from within and that you had only lost sight of the amazing, beautiful and precious woman that you have been all along. What a great inspiring insight.
I too ‘could feel the imprisoning effect of the lack of self worth’ in this blog Golnaz and that is what makes it so relatable because even if I have not experienced bulimia I have certainly abused my body in many ways because of my lack of self worth. It has only been in addressing the root causes of this since attending Universal Medicine presentations that I have started to heal and appreciate what I have to offer and that that is enough. Such a relief to let go of the constant striving for perfection.
Wow Aimee this is absolutely amazing and so supportive not only to people struggling with bulimia, but to everybody as it beautifully describes how to connect to our true self worth. This is an awesome testimony, thank you for sharing!!
A very honest sharing Aimee and one that many many people will relate too, what is significant is that you no longer are bulimic… anyone I know who has gone down this path with an eating disorder identify with it so strongly that it is with them for life, but you are showing so clearly that this is not the case and that it all lies within the way out of such self harming behaviours.
Aimee, it’s great that you share this story so that others can see it is possible not only to overcome bulimia but to address the underlying self-worth issues which cause us to go to such extremes. As you say: ‘it is not about fixing anything outside of myself, but looking within’.
The answers to all our wows lie within us…that’s the greatest truth I’ve come to know for myself.
I am so glad I got to read this and that you wrote it! The detail you go to really helps us all to understand what leads another to have bulimia, particularly the type of thoughts that can precede.
The thoughts that entered your mind when you were driving, as a way to not deal with the hurt that your boyfriend had ended the relationship really resonated as I’ve seen how much I’ve thrown myself into work when I have felt rejected. To not feel or acknowledge our hurt we can often have a belief that we’re not enough, believing that if we think this way we can somehow make up for what we’re ‘lacking’. This is such a lie.
Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine are amazing at supporting people to re-connect to who we really are and that beyond everything we think we need to be, there is a huge amount of Love already within us -waiting for us to turn our attention to it. Universal Medicine provide just the right tools so that we can connect with that deeper part of ourselves on a daily basis.
This really goes against the tide of the direction we have been sold is the way to go. To hold the love of ourselves strong – no matter what we are told or what is going on around us is the new way for so many people who are completely transforming their lives and Aimee you are one of them.
Great article Aimee that so many with Bulimia will relate to and benefit from reading…or anyone in fact who may be struggling with self-worth issues.
Its so interesting how the beliefs and ideals that we take on affect our lives. And when you realised that you were already everything you thought you needed to be, that was enough for you to turn the corner…accepting yourself as you are.
So it does make me ponder on how much of our lives we are bombarded with messages to be more or to look different, or to strive for better. It seems very obvious that what the world needs more of is appreciation of who we already are, self-care, self-love and accepting the amazing beings that we already are. So its no surprise that what Universal Medicine presents not only makes sense, but changes so many lives in the most profound way as you have so beautifully shared Aimee.
I love this Marika, “It seems very obvious that what the world needs more of is appreciation of who we already are….” Appreciation was a big game changer for me when I started to choose that instead of self-bashing or putting myself down. What I’ve realised is just how much we know ourselves through and through, but in many cases don’t hold onto this knowing when faced with society, school, family, friends etc telling us, who we are or giving us labels. Then something that we once maybe admired or appreciated about ourselves becomes something we avoid because of how it has been received or not by others.
Beatiful honest blog Aimee, thank you for sharing, I found incredible, how life can be dominated by self worth issues, it is amazing how you shared that building this self worth is so important to be who you truly are and not need to punish yourself everyday, thank you for this inspiring piece.
To write and share about this experience in itself confirms the incredible healing you have been through Aimee. Absolutely beautiful!
Absolutely agree Vicky, your sharing Aimee comes with no holding on to the hurts of the past, just an honest and open sharing that inspires the reader immensely. Awesome.
Thank you Vicky and Katerina, yes writing my story I got to appreciate how much I have healed and have no need to hold onto or identify with any thing that is not me.
Aimee, It makes complete sense to me now that bulimia is due to a lack of self worth, when i was younger a friend of mine used to make herself throw up in the toilets when we would visit the local pub for a night out because she did not want to put weight on, i remember at the time just accepting this as normal as did all our friends, this is an indicator of how much i was in disregard of my own body, getting extremely drunk and smoking all night. to not question her behaviour.
So amazing to read this, learning about the constant conflict you’d been living… your precious heart I did feel and now it shines as clearly as a sunlit diamond. May this blog reach the very many it deserves to.
Not feeling good enough and lack of self-worth are at the base of so many issues, like eating disorders. Thank you Aimee for sharing so openly and honestly about your life and bulimia, this blog is a huge present and very much needed in a time where not feeling good enough is the standard.
It is reported that there is a growing number of young girls who are having eating disorders and they are in fact getting younger, which has surprised me. Does this show that the feeling of not being good enough or having self worth issues is showing its self earlier these days or are we becoming more aware of the signs eating disorders present?
This is an important blog Aimee, as it highlights that there is a way to treat bulimia and other eating disorders effectively, without having the yo yo effect of relapses.
Julie, could it be that young girls are bombarded from every angle in magazines, TV, movies, online even their dolls with messages about how they should look, the most desirable body shape and size, and if they don’t measure up, then what? There then becomes a striving to look a certain way based on outside influences and the lovely, gorgeous little girl leaves behind what she feels, to try and fit in.
The joy in your eyes speaks 1000 words Aimee. So many times have I talked with others who have had an issue, and changed their lives and how they do things as a result but it has not always felt like the underlying issue has been healed. Your photos a proof that this issue has healed and that joy of you as a youngster is back again. Thank you for sharing
Joshua I agree that these photos tell the story… Aimee your photos of you now have you oozing the joy and freedom that you felt as a child.
I absolutely agree Joshua and Sally. The joy in you as a child is just so palpable as is the joy and absolute beauty in your last pictures. This is a true testimony that healing bulimia is possible.
Yes Joshua there is a world of difference between getting rid of the symptoms of an issue, and actually having the underlying issue healed. In the first situation the underlying issue is left lurking around and will out itself again even if it is in another manner, but the second situation means the underlying issue is well and truly out of our system. The joy in Aimee’s ‘after photos’ show what true blessing the fundamental healing of an issue is.
Incredible sharing and honesty Aimee. Self care is nothing short of miraculous, it has the capacity to heal and that healing comes from within, not outside of ourselves. As you mentioned Michael, this is the future program will shape the way bulimia is treated.
Wow, Aimee, this is definitely a true miracle. Thank you heaps for sharing this so open with us for all to learn and benefit from. Lack of self-worth is for so many people a difficult to handle topic in their lives, with which they ‘deal’ with in different ways. And food (be it eating too much, too little, throwing up etc) is a often used method to not feel this. I have had my share in that one and are still aware of how important it is to appreciate myself on a daily basis.
Thank you Aimee for sharing your story. This story should be shared in young women’s magazines, it is so important for young women to read about self worth issues and to see the pictures you’ve shared. Anyone will say but you were beautiful, there was nothing wrong with you and still your struggle with being not good enough was there. I did not have bulimia but struggling with food is something I do recognise. A very inspiring article!
Thank you Aimee. Your story needs to be shared with young and old alike. It is great to hear someone speak honestly about the real issue that lies underneath bulimia.
Wow Aimee – what an incredible story and transformation.
I relate to quite a few of the symptoms you shared even though I have never had an eating disorder. In fact I still push myself, and/or spend long periods alone when I feel that I am not doing well. I hadn’t realised just how much these behaviours are linked to self worth until I read your beautiful post.
Thank you for sharing so openly. It is very much worth appreciating the incredible choices and changes you have made.
What you have talked about here Aimee is an extreme version of what many of us experience every day in smaller ways. Speaking for myself I have never had an eating ‘disorder’ but still think about food most of the time! If it’s not food I am sure there are other obsessions for other people. It is all to avoid feeling the feelings we don’t want to feel.
Very true Rebecca, it is not wanting to feel or accept those feelings that we can use food or any number of distractions or obsessions.
Thank you Aimee your blog gave me a greater understanding of how bulimia can affect peoples lives and become an obsession. that controls their lives The contrast in your pictures is huge, there is vitality and joy that was not there before. Beautiful.
It has been very eye opening in this respect – I had no idea of the lengths people will go, or the dominance that something like Bulimia can have over someone’s life.
That’s awesome Simon, yes it brings more of an understanding to something that is usually not talked about and very much hidden.
Bulimia is such a secret and hidden problem that to burst the bubble, as you have with this blog is like a breath of fresh air. I am wondering just how many women whom I may have known that would have lived with this condition? It’s not something that is generally talked about and shared. Thank you for writing.
Yes great question Rachel, I feel if this was really investigated and looked into, society would be absolutely shocked at how much of an epidemic eating disorders, self harm and abuse and lack of self worth and self loathing is.
Since publishing my blog, I have had many people I have always known message me and sharing their stories as well. Sharing our stories and lives is so very powerful as you never know what another is going through.
Hi Aimee, This blog brings us wisdom on such an important issue. Many valid points but my favourite is ‘However, no matter what therapy I tried or which practitioner I saw, all of them made me feel like I could never do this on my own and I always needed something outside of me to change.’ The key to your healing seems to have come from the re-connection of you to you and what a graceful woman you now show the world.
What an amazing realisation to come to through the thick of bulimia – that you are already everything! Such a compelling and relateable story, the way you unfold it and share your understandings is beautiful Aimee.
Thank you Aimee for sharing the amazing transformation in your life through applying the simple self loving techniques presented by Serge Benhayon. I feel I now have a much greater understanding of how things like bulimia can totally dominate a person’s life and what a prison that is. Your inspirational story deserves to be shared widely to bring understanding and hope to the many who are still out there suffering and the wider public.
what a beautiful, honest and inspiring blog Aimee and why a testimony you are in your shining beauty to the fact that bulimia can be overcome. And not just bulimia but everything that comes from us not caring for and loving ourselves because of lack of self worth. Bringing it back to basics, with simple steps reconnecting to who we are as Universal Medicine presents is the best medicine or therapie in the world!
Absolutely Carolien; what I find incredible about both Aimee’s blog and the others on this site is that they are true testimonies to the fact that bringing it back to basics and simplicity really does work! Instead of running away from the little things they reflect that we should EMBRACE them.
Aimee, one but needs to look at your eyes of the before Universal Medicine to the present to see your light you are projecting to the world now.
Her true beauty is so obvious to see now. I can’t stop feeling inspired from looking into her sparkling eyes. The changes she has made in her life are so amazing.
Not feeling good enough – where does that come from? Could it be that our education system has it all wrong? That we are constantly being encouraged to be more, do more and therefore the underlying belief that we are not good enough prevails? In my case it was binge eating that I used to numb what I was feeling – I had no idea that bulimia existed until a few years ago – what you write here is an amazing story of a life of secrecy and self abuse and one that many young people go through. We truly need to support all our young children to appreciate who they are in full and to eat in a way that is truly nurturing for their bodies.
So beautifully said Carmel: We truly need to support all our young children to appreciate who they are in full and to eat in a way that is truly nurturing for their bodies. Meeting our young people for who they are innately, and not for who we think they should be, or who we adults think they need to ‘become’ would be a great start. Confirming that we are all already enough, just being who we truly are.
Beautiful Carmel and what you have shared is so bringing attention to making life, school, work etc. about people and not about goals of being and doing more. For me the secrecy was a definite form of control and something that I could excel in or be successful in… if I wasn’t reaching the standards or goals that were all around me to reach.
I love this – ‘We truly need to support all our young children to appreciate who they are in full and to eat in a way that is truly nurturing for their bodies.’ :-). Thanks Carmel
Wow Aimee what you have shared here shows so much love and support to return to the truly amazing woman you are. You are an inspiration to many. Thank you for sharing your story.
Wow Aimee, the gorgeous, beautiful woman you are is very inspiring! Thank you for sharing.
What an inspiring reading this was for me. I haven’t been trying to rid myself from food I’ve eaten but there’s definitely a focus on what I eat and an anxiousness around food; what can I eat, what should I eat, what shouldn’t I eat… It was quite a lengthy article but it didn’t feel long to read and I will definitely read it again soon. Thanks Aimee.
Thats great Matts for you to see how there is an ‘unhealthy’ focus on food and what you ‘should’ and ‘shouldn’t’ eat, even if that doesn’t seem as extreme or intense as an eating disorder. Such a great clue for us, is when we start to overly focus and feel a pressure in any area of our lives.
Yes it is a lengthy blog but every-time I thought of leaving something out, I just knew that could be the part that resonates for someone else. Thanks Matts
The difference in your before and after photos is so huge. The fullness that I feel in your eyes in the after photo that says “Here I am” is absolutely stunning. A living proof of what committing to self-loving choices can do. Thank you. You are a great inspiration, Aimee.
Thanks Aimee, bringing such understanding to a disorder is such a healing thing for those with the disorder and those ignorant of it as well.
Very true Kevin!
Aimee, thank you this moving account of your battle through bulimia back to true health. It gave me a deeper understanding of the causes of bulimia and the illness itself. What stays with me most is this: ‘Very early in life the thoughts of ‘not being good enough’ started coming in, becoming more frequent and intense from the age of nine.’ It reveals how poisonous thoughts can be, that self worth issues often begin when we are very young children and for most part remain hidden from parents and teachers. What you share teaches us to always to look beyond destructive behaviour and try to understand what is feeding this behaviour.
As you have shown, it only takes a single or series of disappointments to trigger off feelings of devastation which then lead to the drive to self harm. It’s extraordinary how you have healed your hurts and learned to love yourself again. Your story gives us a rare window into the illness of Bulimia. Thank you for showing so powerfully that the root of all illness lies within ourselves and until we heal our hurts it is impossible to truly heal the body.
The honesty in which you have expressed in this blog Aimee is deeply felt and appreciated.
Thank you for sharing your story of transformation, it is very inspiring.
Wow! Aimee – after reading your amazing story I feel the depth of love that we all have within just fully embracing you and all those who have in the past struggled with buliminia and anorexia, or indeed who are still struggling today. I can barely imagine what it must have been like as I never have had examples of this addiction in my proximity, in school years or ever since.
I agree with the other comments that it is so important to bring to the awareness to all of us the plight of one such has been yourself to enable true truth and wisdom to help one get to the actual root of the real issue that originally creates this behavioural pattern. Thank you for your blog. It is totally awesome that you fully know now that you are already and have always been Love, tenderness and beauty.
Oh Dear! I can relate to all… on this first read what stood out for me was how intense and intricate the whole set up of living a life with bulimia can be…as you well describe it ‘This became a highly sophisticated and organised process as there were so many things to take into account’….all coming from a simple issue of never feeling enough and allowing it to dig in deep, deep down. Beautiful account Aimee. What I feel is sooo amazing is how the incredible intensity you were using to self-harm and unmercifully push yourself all the time, has turned around and become such a powerful source of service and organization as you are doing now. Tender and Lovely you.
Thank you Luz, I can see that when we do not want to feel or can not accept what is really going on around us, then the intensity has to match the tension in our bodies by focusing on something so much, to not give ourselves any moment to stop and feel what is there. Thankfully I gave myself a moment to stop and see another way, even though it was hard and painful to feel many things, it has been absolutely awesomely worth it!
Yes, Aimee, to turn our lives around after such self-harm and abuse takes dedication and commitment. I have healed a panic disorder due to the hard work I have put in to feeling all that having anxiety prevented me from feeling. At times is has been very confronting, at times I have withdrawn into the anxiety to not feel, and at times I have just simply felt what was there to be felt and moved on. Taking the dedication and commitment to NOT feeling and re-directing this into healing is a testament to who we really are deep within, that we have the strength to conquer such a vast array of unhealthy behaviours. We are so much more than our behaviours – we are extraordinary in every way.
Hear hear Robyn – I would love to see this on a billboard – “We are so much more than our behaviours – we are extraordinary in every way.”
Wow Aimee. Super great blog- thank you for sharing. The difference you are now is incredible, it just blows me away. With what you have explained I can see similar patterns in my eating disorder and lack of self worth and not feeling good enough or okay… It makes sense and gave me a different way of thinking about it. There is now that extra bit of room there to wonder what happened to start me Not feeling good enough and address that instead of going straight to the disorder to override what’s going on… P.s Super cute baby pics by the way!
What an invaluable and inspiring story Aimee. ‘Not being good enough’ is such a common belief that starts so young. Reading about your process in healing bulimia by coming back to appreciate how truly gorgeous and beautiful you are and always have been, is very touching , thank you.
You are stunningly beautiful, I can feel your warmth, amazingness and gorgeousness from your most recent photos. It is evident your glow and vitality is attributed to your commitment to reconnecting to your inner beauty, your commitment to life and just simply being you. Thank you for sharing who you are with us all to appreciate and love.
Wow, Aimee thank you for sharing your story it is inspiring and very honest. It seems that bulimia is something that many may be suffering without anyone really knowing. It is something people may not openly want to talk about or to share. It is awesome that you have shown others who may be suffering in silence that there is another way. Opening up, talking, seeking help is most important and also getting to the course of the issues, working on lack of self-worth and learning to truly live a loving and supportive life is key and to many illnesses. You are inspiring others in so many ways, brilliant blog Aimee. Thank you.
Thank you Chan Ly. I agree, if it was openly talked about that there is more going on underneath the outward self-abusive behaviours so many of us turn to, then things like this would not be hidden.
Its also changing the way we listen to others…. truly listening, as opposed to only hearing what we want to hear. If we need something from another, we will only look for that and not see what is really going on for the other person. This is something I have been working on lately.
Thanks for sharing your story Aimee. When I attended high school in South America it was common for girls to take laxatives and it wasn’t considered bulimic. It’s scary how common eating disorders are around the world and the way young women feel about themselves. Blogs like this are so important as they get to the root of the problem.
Great comment Nikki yes this issuse that millions if not billions of people have with their body and not feeling good enough is a penademic it is uncomprehensible the extent that this lack of self worth that runs the human race. Thank God that there are those great lights that are healing this and leading the way for others to also choose this for themselves.
Nikki what a great comment – it is true common eating disorders are around the world. What scares me too is that also in the world wide web people with eating disorders have their own sides to meet and support themselves in getting deeper in this abuse. We need definitely more people like Aimee who are talking about this topic more openly so that there are more role models who showed a way out of this disorder.
Thank you Aimee for sharing your story. It is amazing the amount of suffering we are able and willing to put our body through. I see in my body the results of a lifetime of attempting to deal with the feeling of worthlessness. Universal Medicine has helped me reconnect with myself through simple techniques. The choice is mine, always, to choose love over hurt.
Wow, what a story. Thank you for sharing it. This is such an important read for anyone associated with Bulimia or other eating disorders. There is definitely another way. You are living proof of this.
Absolutely Rebecca – but this isn’t just an important read for people associated with eating disorders, it’s something everyone should read – the awareness and insight Aimee is offering is worth more than gold
100% Rebecca, taboo topics such as bulimia have to be pulled apart in every way. As the people who experience it will only feel more isolated if no one will talk about it.
Yes totally agree Luke, “…taboo topics such as bulimia have to be pulled apart in every way.” The details of the extremes people go to, either with bulimia, using drugs, cutting or anything self-abusive, need to be exposed and talked about because so many feel intense shame and guilt like there is something horribly wrong with them for doing something like that… which then keeps them in the same pattern.
There is so much judgment and looking down upon others, in society, when they are struggling, that than feeds keeping things like this hidden.
If we were encouraged from a young age to honour our feelings and express anything that comes up for us, things like this would not be able to fester.
Yes that is true Rebecca they can feel through Aimee that there is definitely an other way and on top of it they can also feel that there is someone who had an understanding for them.
Wow, this is quite a story, thank you, I really appreciate you sharing this in such detail, it really helps to understand what bulimia is and what people go through.
Thank you for sharing Aimee. I can feel what a horrible way it has to be to live with yourself like that. I know the feeling of being so concerned with food and your sharing makes me aware of how it is about letting go of that focus and letting people into my life. What an amazing turnaround you have made by choosing to care for yourself and love yourself.
Me too Lieke.. Often when I sit down at the dinner table I’m so worried about how much I’m eating and how that will make me put on weight, bloat etc. (even if it’s not even much!) that I don’t connect with the people around me. Definitely need to change this.. Thanks for bringing it to my attention!
Aimee ,you feel to be such an honest, remarkable and gorgeous woman and your story is going to be a revelation to so many young women who are on the same journey as you have been on. Thank you for sharing.
Absolutely Aimee, your story is one that I’m sure many young women with eating disorders can relate to. Your honest account offers them the opportunity to also look at the underlying cause of eating disorders with no judgement, simply offering that there is another way.
Thank you Anne and Donna, this is what women and men (young and old) with eating disorders need to support them, is people who are being open and honest and looking at it on a deeper level, not making them the disorder, but getting underneath it… like toiling the soil so the flower can blossom once again.
Focusing on who they truly are and why they are using this form of abuse to not feel that. Then we will see real and true change across the world with this issue.
Beautifully expressed Aimee, “focusing on who they truly are and not the disorder”. So common for us to focus on the behaviour and try and fix that rather than as you say get underneath the issue and see what is driving the behaviour. Once this is done, there is no longer any need for the behaviour and one is left free to be themselves again. Thank you again for such an inspirational sharing.
Thank you for sharing your story with us, Aimee. Your words helped me go back to my own experiences on this subject. Like Christoph said before, your light is incredibly strong and it is helping me right now to release some of my old hurts and heal. Thank you very much.
Feeling not good enough as we are is a crippling and destructive force that not only affects us but those around us when in fact we are as you say Aimee, and as Serge Benhayon has presented that what we strive for is already within us ready and waiting to be felt and experienced. I am enough and I am gradually understanding this more and more based on how my body feels. The feeling of ‘not being enough’ that void or empty pit feeling in my gut that is sometimes experienced is simply a cover for what is underneath and all it takes is a choice to give what is below our focus over and above those horrible feelings, even if they may at times feel as though they have us locked in place. With the support of Universal Medicine I am accepting myself more because I am allowing myself to feel more of what is underneath that nonsense. It’s not pretty facing those feelings but I appreciate having those in my life who have and are willing to give their focus to the everything we already are rather than to a constantly, ever changing ‘who we need to be’ that changes throughout our lives.
“With the support of Universal Medicine I am accepting myself more because I am allowing myself to feel more of what is underneath that nonsense.” – Yes, Leigh it’s great to call it out as the nonsense that it is when you get to feel what is underneath.
So much time can be spent avoiding those feelings of not being good enough that when the choice is made to heal, it can be painful to go back or in and feel all that has been avoided. But the self honesty and actually feeling what is there to be felt feels better that the not feeling.
very true Leigh it is important that we start to understand that we are not the self critic, the loathing and the negative thoughts and that there is something completely opposite to that that we can experience if we so choose.
Great point Leigh. And I wonder, why is this disease of ‘not feeling enough’ so prevalent, so harmful, affecting women all across the world of all different backgrounds; and yet not researched nor talked about; it is not a newspaper headline and we are not truly educated, treated nor shown how to heal this ill anywhere outside of Universal Medicine?
Thank God for Universal Medicine.
What an inspiring and insightful story. I have never had bulimia but I can relate to some of the behaviours and thoughts around food. It seems the same drive, just at a less extreme end of the spectrum. When I am not connected with myself or not wanting to feel what’s going on in me, my thoughts can drift off to the next meal or what I will buy when I go shopping and I can definitely eat when I am not hungry. The fact that you knew exactly how to do bulimia shows that there is an energy that drives this behaviour. I can sometimes feel this energy when I can see myself overeating but unable to stop. It is great to know that you have found self-love to be the key that let you leave all this behind.
Thanks Aimee for your honest account. What I felt from reading your blog is that we are all so deeply sensitive and that there are so many different ways that we can find to numb ourselves from feeling our hurts. Some of us use alcohol or drugs, sex, relationships or some food. What a miracle that you were able to, through the application of simple tools, learn to self love and heal your self-worth issues. Beautiful.
Your story has certainly opened my eyes to something I had little or no idea about. I had no idea that bulimia was such a struggle to live with and to over come. I had no idea how it started and no idea how it played out throughout every part of ones life. It is beautiful to read your story – shared with such openness and love; and the most beautiful thing to know is that it is possible to beat bulimia, you are the living and shining example of that.
Thank you Aimee for the courage to tell your life’s story and by reflection show how we all have the opportunity to heal our hurts and create miracles when we begin to develop self-love.
Amazing turnaround thanks to Universal Medicine and the simple and practical tools that Serge Benhayon and the practitioners present.
Aimee, I can really relate to that feeling of knowing that you deserve more, but are stuck in a pattern or way of behaviour with no real and genuine help to stop it. This is one of the great gifts that Universal Medicine offers, which is help to realise that the ability to stop these destructive behaviours actually lies within and not from any outer source.
An incredible story Aimee, thanks for bringing your experience out for all to share, bulimia is something that affects a great many people. It is amazing to read of the energy you used to put into managing your process of purging the body of food, how well we are able to measure the circumstances that surround us to make things work how we wish them to. It is quite remarkable the positive changes we can make when we give the same energy to loving ourselves and making choices that support us, getting to the root cause of why we choose to self harm.
I agree Stephen the turnaround that is possible when ‘we give the same energy to loving ourselves and making choices that support us, getting to the root cause of why we choose to self harm’ is truly remarkable and what a positive and inspirational force for good in the world which is much needed with so many trapped in cycles of self harm feeling they have no way out.
Great point Stephen – how all that energy can be redirected for a different purpose.
Yes exactly Stephen – if the same effort people put into keeping eating disorders secret and harming themselves was swapped into CARING and LOVING their bodies it would be absolutely incredible! Mind blowing… Aimee has shown that this is possible, and what a change this has made in her life.
Aimee, you have a really strong light – a very strong beauty. Clearly this would continuously attract jealousy from everywhere and, because your light is so strong, you had to take very big measures to reduce it to something manageable, so there would not be too much jealousy.
Aimee, what an honest and very touching story you have shared about a subject I know so little about, but one I am slowly beginning to understand; how it can rule and ruin a person’s life and detrimentally affect those around them. I am sure that your story will be the inspiration for others trapped in the destructive cycle that you were in. The turnaround you have made in your life, from being so inspired by the presentations of Serge Benhayon, is testament to your inner strength and the commitment that you made to you, and the beauty and the joy that you are both inside and out, simply shines out of the last photos
Wow! A living miracle indeed. How you lived your life previously- one of self harm for many years ,to now- very loving and honouring as a woman. Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine in helping you turn your life around. Your story would definitely help and inspire other young teenagers who are also suffering from bulimia and don’t know where to go for help or guidance.
This is certainly true. So many young women out there are suffering in silence. Aimee’s story should be shared over and over again to as many people as possible because you may never know who is going through this awful illness in silence.
I enjoyed to read your amazing story Aimee Edmonds. How lost we can be when we live disconnected from the love we actually are and what self destructive behaviours do we develop for not having to feel the hurt inside us because of this fact. The pictures tell us the full story and show me that you new exactly what to do to not feel the hurt that was so devastating to you.
We are blessed by having Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine in our lives, showing us a way of living that is true and genuine to our being, he shows us how to live a life as the Sons of God on earth for each and everyone of us. Returning to this true way of living is such a joy and that too I can see in the pictures that so clearly show that in you.
Reading your blog reminded me a lot of myself-I went through similar stuff during teenage years and my early 20´s and I know the feelings you described- the control and the hiding, the constant thoughts about food etc. I binge-read your blog – it is great how easy it actually is, to get out of these destructive momentums, although they were controlling you many many years. Like you, my whole life changed after starting to truly understand me and working on the relationship to myself.
I’ve realised over the years just how much I’ve always loved and yearned for understanding… not just the understanding from others but mostly the understanding of myself, life and others. When I am not myself and feeling lost, I look to understand why or the situation and then its so easy to feel more myself again.
wow Aimee, I am shocked at just how extensive the symptoms and behaviour associated with Bulimia can be. Even if there is only a mild case of bulimia, it is still so far away from true self nurturing, and letting others in. I can so relate to the anxiousness associated with eating and I still at times am self critical, mental and restrictive when it comes to food, but I know the antidote to that is to accept just how amazing I am, and that I can always choose to express myself in that loveliness. Thanks for sharing your story, It has really opened up the topic of Bulimia and the underlying causes.
I love what you shared here Harrison: “…but I know the antidote to that is to accept just how amazing I am, and that I can always choose to express myself in that loveliness.” I have been very restrictive with food too and it is still a sensitive topic at times. But, like you share it all is changing now with the love and amazingness that I am starting to accept I am. It is then just natural to want to nourish myself in every way, including eating supportive foods.
Me too Harrison, and it is really important for us all to discuss things like the underlying causes of bulimia so that instead of trying to counsel people to heal and stop it once they already have the disorder, we can begin mapping out a way of living that means bulimia is far from anyones future!
Love that Susie: “we can begin mapping out a way of living that means bulimia is far from anyones future!”
Thank you for sharing such a profound experience with deep clarity and honesty. This has also been my experience “The difference with this, relative to all the other therapies I had tried, was that Serge Benhayon was presenting another way of being, based on his own livingness, a self-caring, self-loving way of living, all presented in a gentle non-imposing way.” I had not really sought any relief from any other therapies or modalities, basically from lack of trust in the people that deliver them. I also trusted what Serge Benhayon shared when I first listened to him because it is so evident that he walks his talk. I have no doubt that my life would not be as joyful, expressive and full, if i had not began to put some of the tools that Universal Medicine shares in place in my life daily, such as honouring my body, feeling what there is to feel and learning what my body requires in terms of nourishment, these are some of the simple and supportive commitments that I live every day. I am practicing self love and care and makes all the difference.
Wow Aimee, your story is so honest and revealing. Thank you for sharing your experience. Your photos speak a thousand words. The photos of you today showing your shine, openness and beauty and the exhaustion of you as a thirty year old. What an amazing change and an inspiration for many, many people.
Exactly, Aimee looks so glorious now and the self abusive patterns are healed and gone. I enjoy the beautiful woman that Aimee is, naturally, and she is showing herself with her sparkling eyes to the world. Thank you for sharing this blog with us.
Thank you Rachel, yes photos speak volumes! It has really helped me to appreciate more fully what I now choose for myself by looking back over these photos.
Wow Aimee your before and after Universal Medicine pictures speak volumes, you feel amazing now. Not feeling good enough can be such a trap, keeping us searching on the outside to better ourselves, when all we have to do is stay connected to our essence and who we truly are.
When reading this I became more aware of how much people can hide from each other about how they are really feeling and what’s really going on for them- this can last for years. Sometimes we can miss what is going on for another because of what people have going on for themselves. Its inspiring to read that even though this illness dominated your life for many years you were able to heal this and turn it around after being inspired by Serge Benhayon.
Good point Kirsty. I remember being consumed by my own body image in my late teens and I found it hard to connect to others as I was so obsessed with what I looked like and what I was eating. My lack of self worth was huge and I was miserable but not many would have had any idea as externally I was very successful. Part of the misery is keeping all that to yourself.
Thanks for sharing Nikki, this line is so true ‘Part of the misery is keeping all that to yourself’! I was also, so very miserable when I was comparing myself to an outside image…. and I can see now, that the one thing that could have changed that was connecting and sharing this with others. What a trap it is when we keep things like this to ourselves.
Imagine how much we would find out about each other, and potentially inspire another, if we were to be open and honest about how we are truly feeling? Instead reflecting a real and true woman or man instead of a unreal and ‘perfect’ image.
Absolutely Kristy, it only takes one person to show or live a different way to what is more predominately seen in society or the ‘norm’, for another to re-kindle what they have always known deep inside.
Absolutely Kristy – it seems that the people closest to us are who we tend to hide the most from. It feels like we can use issues as a form of indulgence and to keep people out. That we can hide behind things so that people don’t challenge us to truly be who we are. When really we all want a closeness with each other and an honesty.
i’ve found the more honest I am with people about what is going on, the more open I am and the more open they are to me. It really does work both ways as we are all connected.
Wow. Your honesty is incredible, and the turn around you’ve made in your life Aimee is inspirational. I don’t hear about bulimia a lot; although of course it’s in films and TV shows, it’s not a widely talked about topic at school with friends and it certainly isn’t taught about by teachers. For me it’s always been quite a grey area, ‘What is this eating disorder that thousands of people seem to have?’, and although I knew the basics and physicality’s of what it was, never before have I read such an honest account of what it’s like to go THROUGH it. Knowing how you began loving yourself and body is really supportive for me too; I quite often feel down about my body and the way I look, but you have showed me there are ways not to feel that way. Thank you for sharing.
And wouldn’t it be great if stories like Aimee’s were shared at schools or in a documentary. Everyone can relate to this story because whilst this is a story about Bulimia, it is actually a story about lack of self-worth. And I’m sure everyone has experienced or is experiencing not feeling good enough or a low sense of worth.
Yes I agree Marika, I have been thinking of contacting local schools. And as you say it is actually about sharing that many destructive and harming behaviours start from a lack of self-worth, not wanting to be hurt or rejected. This then takes away being labelled or identified as a condition but focuses more on who you really are inside, without taking on or comparing to the outside.
YES YES!!! Do contact the local schools; they would be blessed to have you speak there! Your story needs to be heard and shared.
I agree it would be an amazing story to share in schools, or in a documentary that could be watched in schools, teenage years in school are so tough and for many when their self worth really plummets, imagine someone going into schools who understand exactly how this feels and has come through it, it would be SO inspiring.
Yes it would! Like Susie said earlier I did not know what it was like to go through Bulimia either, and it felt like a that same ‘grey area’. Reading this blog gave me a look into a life with Bulimia and what it is like. Knowing what it is like AND what is the way out is very very needed.
Beautifully put jane! Thank goodness there are people reflecting something true and real, that reminds “…us all to feel the preciousness, grace and beauty that we all already are.” to offset everything that is set up to do the opposite.
I agree also Marika. You could say Bulimia is just the cover story and the real story is about a “lack of self-worth”.
Thanks Susie, yes it is a grey area for many and that is why I felt to share my story, to bring such a hidden topic out into the open and expose what is really going on. So that anyone going through something similar can read a real account, that just may bring a different perspective to something that feels like there is no way out or one is owned by. Anyone really could relate.
Anyone can relate to your story Aimee. Whilst I have never suffered from bulimia, I certainly have had ‘never feeling good enough’ running my life. This story of lack of self worth running you, and how you now love yourself and let people into your life, such a transformation, you now ‘know that I am the amazing, beautiful and precious woman that I have always been but had lost sight of. And that true beauty comes from within.’
Wow Aimee – what a shift! Since you were nine years old you lived this “not being good enough” issue with all its impacts on your eating, your body and mind, with the impact on your relationships, on your partner and children. This is a really BIG thing with huge impacts and you shift it! Not just for you but for all who are near you and I guess you did it for all of us! This information -your shifting/healing- is now also available for those who are willing to give up on bulimia (like bulimia behaviors were there for you as you ‘asked’ for it). What a blessing! Thank you very much. And thanks to Universal Medicine which is supporting us all to do this shifts/healings.
Thank you for sharing your story with us and your recovery from bulimia. It never occurred to me the lengths people with this condition would go to to make their life seem successful – it has always been my belief that it was all based around an obsession with food, but from what you are describing it seems like control plays a big part in it.
Reading your comment Julie it occurs to me that most people one way or another go to great lengths to get through life and seem successful. Whether it by being a workaholic, great athlete, complete failure, alcoholic, perfect mother, emotional person or bulimic. One way or another it is very common for us to find ways to override our hurts and the messages from our bodies – it is just more obvious to someone with bulimia that they are doing that!
Absolutely and what I have felt today after attending a course with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is how I have used nervous energy in my body to create situations where I want to try and control incidents because I have not wanted to trust.
Hello Julie Matson I agree. It is sobering to see the extent people go to with these disorders and how long they can ‘fool’ those close to them. It wakes me up to have more care with the people around me, am I blind to something or someone I am close to that may be struggling, and because of how busy I have been I haven’t taken the time with them. This blog has inspired me to check in, thank you Aimee Edmonds.
Thank you Aimee for sharing so candidly your experiences. Through your openness and honesty I can feel so strongly your love and the power of love and truth to heal.
Thank you, Aimee, your story is invaluable. Whatever inner battles we are struggling with, the key principles as presented by Universal Medicine give us a fresh start to life by providing us with the constant reflection of our divinity, that always has and always will reside within us. There is nothing more healing than being reminded of this fact and in time we can completely turn our lives around as you have so powerfully done.
Aimee, I will totally agree with you that you are amazing, beautiful and precious women. Your words are an inspiration for others that feel they are not enough.
What an incredible story, Aimee, and how amazing it is that you have shared it. This is a real gift for all of us that struggle with self-acceptance and worth. Miracles do happen…you are evidence of this. Thank you.
Agree Matilda. At school we are given many leaflets to support us and inform us about eating disorders and mental health issues. I’d love to see Aimee’s blog on one of these!!
Agreed Susie, I have been surfing the net about eating disorders and everything I found was aimed at the person having a ‘problem’ and everyone labelling themselves as Anorexic or Bulimic. It so important to nominate what is going on, but I can feel how when we call ourselves a name or believe we are this and that… it makes it very hard to take a step back and actually see who we ‘truly’ are and why we are using ‘this or that’.
What I can see and have experienced is really the only ‘problem’ we have when we choose to abuse ourselves, is that we have forgotten how precious we really are, and try and squash feeling how much not living that actually hurts.
Yes I definitely agree that a blog such as this need to be shared for all those suffering bulimia. There would I imagine be a lot of helplessness in this illness and the practical nature of what you share feels incredibly powerful and supportive.
Hello Susie Williams I agree, a personal blog like this that not only gives you information about a disorder or issue but also gives you a direction out, a self direction at that. We think being informed about a particular thing is the answer, education alone is only more information and not anything to do with addressing actually what is going on. As Aimee Edmonds writes here there is more you can do and this blog is a great map for us all, thank you Aimee.
Wow Aimee, this is such an amazing turnaround, the photo’s say it all, in the most up to date photo’s you have that confident, relaxed, open feeling that you have as a young child. it is very beautiful to read how you now take care of yourself, you are a role model and show how it is possible to turn your life around no matter what is going on.
Wow Aimee – what a story! Its crazy how the smallest thing can trigger such an extreme reaction.
I also carried around the feeling of not being good enough, and constantly being rejected by men (which I set myself up for) and as a result – bring on the eating issues! The absolute form of control: what we put in our mouths each day.
The argument was just with myself – so I felt like I was in control and could win no matter what! Your experience of Bulimia was calculated to a tee. Its amazing how we can manipulate our lives to revolve around an issue that is not really who we are.
Yes Hannah, and all the while believing we are in control whereas for me any ways, I was not in control of anything except how much of me I would allow to be seen or not. The beliefs and ideals I was running which was controlling all my movements, thoughts and choices. I’m realising lately how when we react it affects us more than anything else… it poisons the body instantly just like drinking or digesting something that is a ‘known’ poison.
Thank you for sharing your amazing story Aimee, it is so inspiring to know that by your choice to deeply love and care for yourself, with the support of Universal Medicine, true healing can take place. Your ‘after’ photos reflect the beauty of this.
Yes you are beautiful , amazing and precious Aimee but it just shows anyone can lose sight of this if self worth issues are allowed to creep in. What struck me at the start of your blog was how in your not knowing anything about bulimia the information was somehow there for you, it just goes to prove we have information coming at us all the time whether we are looking for it or not.
Yes I found that amazing too Kevin, that without Aimee knowing anything about bulimia the thoughts were still able to come in and encourage Aimee to buy what was needed.
Yes Kevin, Susan and Alison, this is such an interesting point to explore. There is so much emphasis out there and beliefs that the thoughts we have are actually who we are…. but what I’ve come to understand is that, naturally we are loving, harmonious, gentle etc., and if my thoughts are not this, then what view of myself have I taken on, got involved in or compared to from the outside, that I have then moved away from these qualities.
Aimee I know nothing about the current treatments that are available for people suffering from eating disorders but feel that a program based on your experience would be invaluable.
Indeed Alexis. This program would not treat from the point that something is wrong, but from the point that in fact everything is alright deep within, but this just has been forgotten.
From what I have experienced from working at a clinic with a large department for patients with eating disorders I can only say: “Aimee, get your story out into the world as far and wide as possible! Seeing the amazing, joyful and tender woman that you are, yet being able relating to what you have gone through and see that there is another way to live will be a massive healing and inspiration for many”.
Well said, Michael. If therapies and treatments are to truly support, the approach should always be to re-connect to what is within us, rather than focussing on what is wrong and identifying with that. Universal Medicine relentlessly reflects to everyone their greatness and innate divinity, and eventually it has to sink in!
Janet you’ve said this perfectly – treatments so often further solidify the harm because they inadvertenly support a person to identify with whatever issue they have so the person thinks the issue is somehow part of them. It means that they are then in the belief that that issue is always forever present and needs constant managing if it’s not to get out of control – rather than realising it has no place in the gloriousness of who we are so we can let it go with no attachment to it, knowing we nolonger have to ever choose it again.
So true Karin and Janet. The treatments available for many addictive behaviours always see ‘s the person as an addict. AA feeds off this making people dependant and beholden to it. As you say managing, controlling life and behaviours never seeing the falsity that these behaviours are not who we are. They do not identify us. Universal Medicine is a leading light in connecting people to the greatness and divinity that we already are.
Yes I agree Alexis and Michael. This is an invaluable sharing and ‘program’ for others with body image issues…which I would suggest may be just about all of us!! We may not go to the same lengths as anorexia and bulimia yet the ‘not being good enough’ still manages to find a way to play out. Through Universal Medicine and a very real way of connecting with myself and others, those body image issues I used to carry are really starting to dissipate…
Yes Jane, that’s true. Working with what Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine has proven to be a true way to deal with these epidemic ‘body dysmorphia’, lack of self acceptance and lack of self worth issues. And absolutely, Aimee’s story is great evidence of this.
Completely agree Michael – everything is upside down. We have taken in the belief that something is wrong with us because that is what we have been relentlessly told and then of course we want to vomit that out. The huge healing for thousands of people has come from Serge Benhayon introducing us to the fact that we are already everything we are looking for and it is just a question of reconnecting to that. So simple and it works. Healing starts from the point of us recognising that we already are Divine and then letting go of all those hurts and issues that are not who we are.
Absolutely Nicola. Feeling and seeing that there is nothing wrong with us and being able to connect to the beauty, love and divinity we all are, which Universal Medicine so gorgeously support us to be able to do and then clear everything out of the body that is not us, such as self-loathing, anxiousness, anger, resentment to name a few!
I completely agree with everyone in this thread! By focusing on the problem without first realising we are already whole and are already everything makes true healing impossible. It’s like being asked to walk without legs. When we reconnect to the truth of who we are on the inside it becomes a foundation and anchor from which to let all the hurts and angst go. We can let go of the identification of our ills and know they are not us.
So true Alexis and Michael, this would be a great compliment to the support offered at the moment… even maybe the missing link. Especially, when we focus first on the fact that there is nothing that needs fixing, just bringing a level of understanding of what has come in-between us knowing ourselves in full and the behaviour we turn to when this has been forgotten. I agree Michael, am looking into sharing my story on a wider scale! Thank you
Alexis, I agree. Those who work with Universal Medicine have dropped so many addictions – alcohol, drugs even something as powerful as bulimia and we are not in remission. The addictions are actually gone.
I don’t know any other place on earth (except a cemetery) that can say that.
Oh Christoph, I guffawed when I read your comment about the cemeteries. But you know what, you are right. I have been astounded by how many people through coming in contact with Universal Medicine are actually free of these addicitons and there aren’t many other places that can lay claim to that!’
Aimee, your story is as deeply beautiful as you are. You are a living miracle.
So true Christoph,
But not even a cemetery will lay rest to the momentum of ill choices that continue to live with us beyond this life.
There really is nowhere else on Earth that is truly addressing addictions, illness, disease, lack of self worth and the underlying cause of our ills – (not even a cemetery).
Right you are Christoph! A very funny but also deeply seriously true comment in reply to the very beautiful Aimee and her willingness to be vulnerable enough to share her story.
This is so true Alexis. I’ve not seen such amazing results from other programs so setting something up around this would be fantastic.
I wholeheartedly agree with what you are expressing Alexis. What Aimee is describing is a true healing from an addictive behaviour, something that is a rarity in our current approach to addictions and thus, as you say, invaluable.
Wow Aimee,
Your beauty is beyond words. You have exposed the entanglement of the self-imposed prison of bulimia, and the lengths of self-harm we can go to when lack of worth is running the show.
The evil of ‘not feeling good enough’ is something that can affect us in so many ways… Reading this blog, I am realising how these thoughts of ‘not feeling enough’ can torment and shape us to be and do things that are so far away from the truth of who we really are. Whilst bulimia and eating disorders are the extremity of one of these behaviours, how many live with more subtle versions of ‘not being enough’ disease in daily life – that we see as normal?
Even going to the slightest bit more effort, or dressing in a way to achieve an outcome, or to be more, to push your body beyond it’s limits are all milder versions of the same thing.
It is not until we fully embrace the all that we are and say no to the ills of not feeling enough that we can experience our true normal – as your photos so clearly radiate.
So true Kylie about the extremities of ‘not feeling enough’. As I read Aimee’s story, the feelings of similar events, triggers were present and I have not suffered from Bulimia . The evil is there lurking to pull us away from the glory that Aimee felt and beautifully described as a child. We must get underneath the ‘not good enough’ and present to girls women and everyone, that this is the lie we are swallowing. Focusing on the ‘how I do MY not good enough’ is secondary to the disease that spawns it. Thank you Aimee
Absolutely Bernadette, as we can find many of the ‘how I do my not good enough’
Yes I was thinking the same thing Kylie in regards to how so many live their lives with: “more subtle versions of ‘not being enough”. We are fed so many messages, especially from the media and magazines that ‘we are not enough’ and after awhile it is easy to start to believe this. It is not unreasonable to say that we have a ‘self worth’ epidemic. And the antidote to this is to connect to the truth of who we really are and appreciate the enormity of love that we already are.
This is what I am seeing too Marika; there is an absolute epidemic of people feeling not good enough. Listening to what Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine present is the antidote to this lack of confidence and acceptance of oneself.
I can remember these times of not being good enough for myself every single day, too. I love the antidote and knowing that the answer lies within, this is the only true way out of this self abuse. Thanks to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon I have found this way back to myself.
I remember one of the many ologies/isms that I dabbled in, involved looking in the mirror and telling myself how beautiful I was. Did it work? No, but then I don’t feel that the person who presented it felt that she was beautiful.
How different now to have a presenter who not only values himself but us too.
Marika this is so true, and that self worth epidemic is making the world sick, so few now live without any ill health and fewer still live in true vitality and energised wellbeing. We need to start to support ourselves and value that we are amazing people worth looking after.
Ok so perhaps it’s a light hearted way of saying it, but I get what you’re saying Stephen: deeply buried amazing, still means that those who’ve buried it, were amazing first and are therefore still amazing – not only are they generally amazing, but amazing at burying their amazingness.
What an amazing way of putting it Oliver – “deeply buried amazing, still means that those who’ve buried it, were amazing first and are therefore still amazing…”
Such clear truth presented here Kylie: “It is not until we fully embrace the all that we are and say no to the ills of not feeling enough that we can experience our true normal – as your photos so clearly radiate” – true normal that has none of the afflictions in regards the entirety of life itself, how we are in it, and also how we actually came into our life, which includes our background, class, caste, race, ethnicity, religion, nationality, language, accent, neighbourhood, schooling and education, profession, age, gender, looks, and body shape. And so much more. When we discard these afflictions we reveal the beauty and wonder of “True Normal”.
Beautifully expressed Kylie, I love what you bring in here, that Bulimia is the extreme, but that there is a million ‘milder’ versions of the same thing, being driven by thoughts of not being ‘good enough’, so going out of our way to live up to what we may feel is expected. Rather than coming from our own fullness, and from sharing all that I am, without any need to hide anything.
Thank you Kylie Jackson foe exposing the “evil” that can ride our every move when we are riddled with feelings of self doubt and a never ending cycle of no self worth. The slightest push or doing that is not coming from who we are is already moving us further away from the gentle and sensitive beings that we are.
Reading your story Aimee, I realise how much of a prison we make for ourselves when we invest in feelings of lack of self worth, we have to do anything to protect ourselves from those feelings and begin to lead self abusive and protective lives. How complicated your regime was with the laxatives and how magnifying of your lack of love for yourself. The way you found to heal yourself through the teachings of Serge Benhayon and observing the loving he way he lives his life, is so simple in comparison, like the beautiful child you once were. Thank you for sharing your story, it has many resonances for other abusive behaviours, not only bulimia, but I am sure many people will recognise the feelings around food and how we use it or abuse it to be in control.
I agree Joan, what I have learnt and am feeling more and more from what Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine present is that these feelings and thoughts of lack of self-worth are not even our thoughts. It is just an energy coming in stopping us from being all that we are.
Unfortunately we have bought into the illusion that these thoughts ARE us. Breaking this illusion is the tricky part because first we have to accept this as the truth and many people resist what they innately know in their hearts to be true but refuse to take responsibility for. This is where Universal Medicine comes in, presenting us the facts of the way it is and reminding us of who we truly are,. For me, if I didn’t feel it with every fibre of my being I would not want to accept that my thoughts weren’t mine either!
Yes, Sandra, a huge turning point is when we recognise that the thoughts we identify with that have been dominating us are not real, and never have been. By connecting more to the body, we come to know and love ourselves in a different way, and over time the body becomes our best friend, as it informs us of what is really going on.
Our body naturally knows which thoughts are in line with who we truly are and which ones are the cuckoo thoughts (both like the bird and in the crazy sense!) an imposter that comes in and uses force to get us to adopt it and claim the thoughts as who we are. Giving the body the role of gatekeeper allows us to feel the energy that our thoughts come with. This teaching from Universal Medicine has changed my life in so many ways, no longer dominated by my mind, only when I choose to be blinded and follow. The power remains within me to make the choice to say yes or no to which energy I will follow.
This is brilliant Vicky as no-where outside of Universal Medicine have I heard it said that our thoughts come from energy. I found this difficult to fathom for a long time but am feeling for myself how true this is and depending on my energetic state of being – including my mood and body posture -determines the type of thoughts I will have. When I put effort into taking care of myself, attending to my needs (rather than leaving that to someone else or hoping that they’ll notice!) and keep that going consistently there is a Love in me that is ignited and blossoms and I can be so much more understanding and caring of others and my thoughts are much less critical. It feels like a full cup flowing over, as the Love is too much to contain.
I agree Vicky and what I see we also do is make choices that we know are not good for us so we can confirm our lack of self worth thus stopping us even further from being all that we are. Many of us are so familiar with this energy that we do not know that this is not who we are. We are actually Sons of God made up of only divine particles. So when we see the truth of the matter it becomes obvious that we must have to call lack of self worth in for it does not exist otherwise.
I can relate to what you say about self worth issues being a prison, a self imposed incarceration that keeps us from truly loving ourselves and others, Your story Aimee is a beacon for all to recognise that we can all shine and we are all equally beautiful.
The prison is of our own making and that is the real kicker – that we do this to ourselves, it shows that there is much more to things than what we see as it just doesn’t make any sense. You are completely right Kevin when you say this story is a beacon of how we can choose love and that will then provide you with the next move, not the mind that tells you how to be bulimic!
That prison of our own making is something very familiar with me. I can relate to the lack of self-worth that Aimee describes and as you say Vanessa the real kicker is that we hurt ourselves, (far more than we have ever been hurt by others!). Aimee’s story is inspirational on how to turn this around, to live a life with self-care, self-nurture and love. The before and after photos say so much about the truth of this change and it’s joyful seeing Aimee sparkle and shine. What a turn around!
Aimee’s story is indeed inspirational. You can feel there isn’t an ounce of emotion in Aimee’s writing she has dealt with that chapter in her life and hence can now offer it as a healing to others.
I agree Kevin, self worth issues are like a prison, holding us back from expressing all that we naturally are. And it is a choice to accept these limitations we put on ourselves, to keep us small. We don’t have to be perfect – as clearly – that is not possible, but even in the imperfection we are all awesome. Just for being.
Yes Kevin absolutely. We are all shining beacons of light that deserve the space to radiate. Aimee’s gorgeous blog just highlights that self love is the key to open the doors to our gates of protection.
The prison you share here Kevin McHardy is one that we enter into with our own free will “thinking’ that is the best option available. How far from the truth are we living when we get to this stage? This blog is a living example that we can make the choice to go the other way.
Joan, reading Aimee’s blog has helped me to see the small ways in which feelings I have around food still influence me. I know i do use it as a controlling factor, as I often take food with me if I’m out for longer than a few hours ,just in case, and there is a trace of anxiety if I don’t. Something more for me to let go.
Indeed, Joan. The investment that we make into complicated ways to try to address the issues we have is one of the biggest prisons we build ourselves. A prison we soon forget that we built for ourselves and that we have the key to leave it behind when we choose to stop protecting ourselves behind the high walls of our own construction and look within.
Awesome comment Naren, ‘The investment that we make into complicated ways to try to address the issues we have is one of the biggest prisons we build ourselves.’ I can attest to this!
It’s like we have an issue then find a solution that doesn’t go to the core of the issue. but we’re temporarily relieved that the immediate issue is hidden. But solutions have side effects and they in turn require further solutions because they become a problem. And they have side effects so they need another set of solutions. It’s like building a wall of plasters on plasters (band-aids) till we lose connection with who we are.
But all it takes is a reminder of who we are and we’re back. Sure there are a few ouches as the plasters get taken away. One ouch is feeling the arrogance of thinking I found a solution to avoiding an issue that is still there waiting to be healed. But that’s something I can lovingly choose to accept, feeling the truth that that’s not truly who I am.
There are so many ways we can bring complication to every second of the day if we don’t stop to ponder on a simple way of living where we “hold ourselves’ in each moment and trust that all we need to learn and unfold presents itself each day and it is our choice and responsibility to either take or ignore this learning.
I so agree Michelle, feelings of lack of self worth can be crippling and indeed very imprisoning. They kept me feeling small and less than for most of my life until I came across Universal Medicine and the amazing modalities. Learning to each and every day, feel a deeper sense of purpose and choices to honour myself, have helped enormously, along with learning to appreciate myself and all that I bring, has indeed helped set a new foundation.
I had a sweet tooth as a kid, that was not enough for me any longer I then started smoking cigarettes at the age of 14, so I guess that was my way of numbing myself. I will always remember when I studied catering in France at the age of 19 and eating “choux à la crème” maybe up to five or six in a row. I wondered how did I get away with it! I was also going into the not being good enough as I went from one relationship to another but did not know what I was after. All I can remember is that I was very needy in my relationships. Only when I met Serge Benhayon 20 years later, I became more aware of what truly self loving was and began to understand what is driving me to either eat food I am not suppose to and what is driving me to exhaustion.
I agree Joan, I was in an eating disorder prison for many years and it has been a hard one to escape from. Recognising that it was nothing to do with the food was such eye opener for me. The truth, back to me was the only escape out of the prison, the key being connection to me, and a willingness to there with the true cause.