This is the story of my Bulimia which started back 21 years ago – after the time when I could still recall the freedom and joy I felt being in my own body as a very young child; still recall the way I was running, jumping and just playing. It was after the time when I remembered wearing clothes I really liked and the feeling of the texture on my skin.
It was after the time when there was an ease and playfulness, an acceptance, as I expected nothing from my body, which at the time felt lovely and open and where there were no thoughts of “you’re not up to scratch”.
For whatever reason, this started to change and this is where the story of my bulimia began…
 Age 3 |
 Age 4 |
 Age 6 |
Not Being Good Enough
Very early in life the thoughts of ‘not being good enough’ started coming in, becoming more frequent and intense from the age of nine. I experienced learning difficulties with Math at school, which I found a constant struggle: these were accompanied by emotional issues and the persistent thoughts of ‘not being good enough’ continued into my teenage years.
By the end of High School my boyfriend, with whom I had been in a committed relationship for 2 years, broke up with me before leaving for University. I could feel how he was freeing himself up to check out what else was ‘out there’. I was devastated as I had always felt this was the man I would be with forever, and the thoughts of not being good enough again came to the fore.
Not long after he left I remember driving to work one day and a thought came into my head – “Right, instead of feeling hurt and rejected this is your goal: go make yourself, no matter what it takes, into the best woman, daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend material, granddaughter, niece, employee…” the list went on. “And while you’re at it, focus on getting into the Police Academy”.
I remember breathing a sigh of relief and saying “Right, let’s get to it, something to focus my energy on”. Unbeknownst to me at the time, I was really creating my very own self-imposed reinforced fortress.
 Age 12 |
 Age 17 |
 Age 18 |
Mastering How ‘to do’ Bulimia……
Without ever remembering seeing anything on how ‘to do’ bulimia, or knowing anyone who was bulimic or who had any kind of eating disorder that I was aware of, somehow all the information was there for me in my thoughts – go here, buy this and do it this way.
Purging by regurgitating was unsuccessful for me from the start, leading to feelings of failure, so I turned to laxatives. At the time I didn’t realise my body had always suffered from dairy and gluten intolerance and had no need to ever take a laxative, but this I decided was the easiest and most definite way to rid myself of food and achieve my goal of being the best I could be.
Food was constantly on my mind; it did not matter if I was out with friends or playing sport, the thought of food and when to eat would be there always. I would go to a different chemist or grocery store each time to buy more laxatives so as to not be found out. This was my big secret. I would hide food to eat later. I felt completely in control of this aspect of my life. Because my family was so used to my having irritable bowel, no one ever suspected anything.
From the outside it looked like I had it all together. I worked a 10-12 hour day, starting and finishing with hours of relentless exercise; taking aerobics classes and pumping iron at the gym, playing all kinds of competitive sport and then after all this, running kilometres a day. I could keep going like this for 17 hours a day, never showing how exhausted I really was. On the inside I felt scared, hurt and lonely.
Unfortunately at my workplace there was one toilet, not outside away from everyone, but right in the middle of where everyone worked. I would be in excruciating pain after taking up to 30 laxatives at a time, popping even more after each visit to the toilet, all the time holding on for as long as I could so that the other employees didn’t suspect anything.
The drive to purge myself of food and to be successful in every facet of my life far outweighed the pain.
If a workmate made a comment like “Gee, you go to your bag a lot”, I would just say I was getting chewing gum to hide the fact that I was actually grabbing whatever laxative relief I had.
This behaviour continued for a year as I learned to master how to do bulimia by pretending I had eaten on my way home from sport so that my family wouldn’t expect me to eat dinner. I would sometimes buy takeaway and hide it so that if I did feel hungry during the night, I could control how much I ate or didn’t eat, and could do it in secret without anyone watching. I didn’t like eating home cooked meals as I then felt guilty if I purged afterwards because it was ‘real’ food compared to what I would buy for myself.
I didn’t gorge myself on ice cream, junk food, chocolates or lollies, but I mainly ate what I perceived to be more ‘healthier’ options at the time, like packet noodles, rice crackers and sultanas.
As my obsession with bulimia intensified, my family started to get suspicious. With the lack of food being absorbed by my system I was getting little nutrition and I was becoming very vague and irresponsible, particularly when driving. I would drive really fast, preoccupied with my obsessions with food and what I needed to do to be successful that day.
As a result, one day I pulled out in front of a car and we had a collision at the end of my street. This gave me a fright and I felt bad that I had caused injury to the other woman and damaged her car, but it really didn’t bring me to a stop.
Not long after this accident, my obsessive way of living in order to cover up my bulimic behaviour finally got exposed. I was taken twice to a counsellor for bulimia – which did not help at all, as all the focus was on my family’s feelings and not truly about what was going on for me. There was no criticism or judgment, as my family was genuinely concerned and did their best to support me, but they struggled to understand (as did I) how I could do what I was doing to myself.
So as to relieve my family of the worry, I swept my problems under the carpet and for a short time stopped my obsessive behaviour with bulimia and over-exercising.
 Age 30 | 2 Years BEFORE Universal Medicine |
 Age 30 | 2 Years BEFORE Universal Medicine |
Self-worth Issues and the Return of my Bulimia
In time, as my self-worth issues had never been addressed, the bulimia returned and to my great relief this time I found myself able to purge by making myself vomit, which meant that I could cut down on the laxatives and could bring the food up before it even had the chance to be digested. This became a highly sophisticated and organised process as there were so many things to take into account. I would organise the toilet or shower like you would set out your dressing table to paint your nails. I would take into consideration how quiet I would need to be in the process of throwing up in relation to who was around and how much in proximity they were.
I was never truly present with anyone as I was continually obsessed with my bulimia and what I would eat and when and where I would be able to throw it all up again.
I felt like a big fake and was so ashamed of what I was doing, and how much food and money I was wasting. But still I could not see any way of stopping – I honestly thought this would be my life forever.
This continued off and on for six or seven years. There were times when I would go for months without feeling this way but then something would happen, something that I did not want to feel or talk about and I would go back to the perceived relief of purging – something that was just mine that I could do to myself, no-one else could. Looking back I can see that my bulimia, and so much of what I felt, related to the self-worth issues that I continued to ignore.
The behaviours and symptoms of my bulimia eating disorder at the time were:
- Withdrawal from close friends, family and intimate gatherings
- Overdoing and pushing myself in all areas of life including exercise, sport, work and study
- Long bouts of time spent alone in my room, bathroom, toilet or outside away from others
- Avoidance of family mealtimes
- Drinking copious amounts of water in order to fill myself up and to help with bringing up the food
- The frequent consumption of laxatives, mints or chewing gum
- The shedding of weight, red eyes and flushed face.
Over the years (during which time I got married and had two sons), those intense feelings that drove me to my bulimia eased and changed to a so called ‘milder’ version of not feeling good enough as a wife and mother, along with the juggling of everything that goes with work and family life.
However, even though I had an adoring and devoted husband who has always been there for me, I kept pushing him away as I could not love myself – and as such, although some of my behaviour was less intense, my self-worth issues regardless were never far from the surface.
Universal Medicine – The Turning Point in My Life With Bulimia
Over the years I had looked into many different healing modalities such as Kinesiology, Reiki, tarot card reading, psychics and Aura-Soma colour healing, as well as having deep tissue and lomi lomi massages and seeing various chiropractors in order to deal with my bulimia and the underlying feelings of never being good enough etc. However, no matter what therapy I tried or which practitioner I saw, all of them made me feel like I could never do this on my own and I always needed something outside of me to change.
After years of seeking support, with changes that were at best temporary or providing momentary relief, the true change and turning point in my life came when I attended a Heart Chakra 1 workshop with Universal Medicine, presented by Serge Benhayon.
The difference with this, relative to all the other therapies I had tried, was that Serge Benhayon was presenting another way of being, based on his own livingness, a self-caring, self-loving way of living, all presented in a gentle non-imposing way.
I started to consider that the true healing for my bulimia and self-worth issues was not about fixing anything outside of myself, but looking within.
I left feeling: “Wow, could it be that I am not just capable of healing my own hurts, but also that I am already everything I have thought I needed to strive to be?”
In his presentations, Serge Benhayon shared simple tools which helped me reconnect with my body – simple techniques like feeling my toes in my shoes, doing the gentle breath meditation and being present with myself throughout my day.
Putting what was presented into practice gave me an opportunity to stop and arrest the momentum I was in – the relentless and punishing drive to ‘improve’ myself based on my belief that I was never good enough. These simple techniques allowed me the space to make different, more loving choices for myself and begin to mark a true end to the cycle of my bulimic behaviour.
Learning to be Self-Loving
Six years after being introduced to the teachings of Universal Medicine, the effects of my bulimia eating disorder and the thoughts that so totally dominated and controlled my life are no longer there. I now take care of and appreciate my body and am able to tune into the tenderness that I now know is innately within us all.
This means I am now eating and exercising in a way that honours my body instead of punishing and pushing it – fully accepting how I am feeling and what my limitations are.
Breaking the cycle of my bulimia, the self-harm and not feeling good enough and dealing with my underlying self-worth issues, has allowed me to love myself and therefore be able to let others in.
I now know that I am the amazing, beautiful and precious woman that I have always been but had lost sight of. And that true beauty comes from within.
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AFTER 7 Years with Universal Medicine | Aimee Edmonds (Age 39)
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This new love of self has allowed me to blossom, unfold and open and be able to share my feelings and myself with my husband, children, friends, family, clients and society. People around me have noticed and commented on how much more of me I am and what a joy I am to have around.
This turning point in my life and this turnaround is nothing short of a miracle. A miracle that Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon made possible through the teachings of the importance of self-care that then allows us to be self-loving.
By Aimee Edmonds, Burnaby, Vancouver
You may also be interested in:
Bulimia and Laxative Dependence: Healing my Old Ways
Before and After: Kylie Connors On Finding Her True Weight
Universal Medicine Helped to Heal Bulimia
694 Comments
Thank you Aimee for sharing your story. It is amazing the amount of suffering we are able and willing to put our body through. I see in my body the results of a lifetime of attempting to deal with the feeling of worthlessness. Universal Medicine has helped me reconnect with myself through simple techniques. The choice is mine, always, to choose love over hurt.
Wow, what a story. Thank you for sharing it. This is such an important read for anyone associated with Bulimia or other eating disorders. There is definitely another way. You are living proof of this.
Absolutely Rebecca – but this isn’t just an important read for people associated with eating disorders, it’s something everyone should read – the awareness and insight Aimee is offering is worth more than gold
100% Rebecca, taboo topics such as bulimia have to be pulled apart in every way. As the people who experience it will only feel more isolated if no one will talk about it.
Yes totally agree Luke, “…taboo topics such as bulimia have to be pulled apart in every way.” The details of the extremes people go to, either with bulimia, using drugs, cutting or anything self-abusive, need to be exposed and talked about because so many feel intense shame and guilt like there is something horribly wrong with them for doing something like that… which then keeps them in the same pattern.
There is so much judgment and looking down upon others, in society, when they are struggling, that than feeds keeping things like this hidden.
If we were encouraged from a young age to honour our feelings and express anything that comes up for us, things like this would not be able to fester.
Yes that is true Rebecca they can feel through Aimee that there is definitely an other way and on top of it they can also feel that there is someone who had an understanding for them.
Wow, this is quite a story, thank you, I really appreciate you sharing this in such detail, it really helps to understand what bulimia is and what people go through.
Thank you for sharing Aimee. I can feel what a horrible way it has to be to live with yourself like that. I know the feeling of being so concerned with food and your sharing makes me aware of how it is about letting go of that focus and letting people into my life. What an amazing turnaround you have made by choosing to care for yourself and love yourself.
Me too Lieke.. Often when I sit down at the dinner table I’m so worried about how much I’m eating and how that will make me put on weight, bloat etc. (even if it’s not even much!) that I don’t connect with the people around me. Definitely need to change this.. Thanks for bringing it to my attention!
Aimee ,you feel to be such an honest, remarkable and gorgeous woman and your story is going to be a revelation to so many young women who are on the same journey as you have been on. Thank you for sharing.
Absolutely Aimee, your story is one that I’m sure many young women with eating disorders can relate to. Your honest account offers them the opportunity to also look at the underlying cause of eating disorders with no judgement, simply offering that there is another way.
Thank you Anne and Donna, this is what women and men (young and old) with eating disorders need to support them, is people who are being open and honest and looking at it on a deeper level, not making them the disorder, but getting underneath it… like toiling the soil so the flower can blossom once again.
Focusing on who they truly are and why they are using this form of abuse to not feel that. Then we will see real and true change across the world with this issue.
Beautifully expressed Aimee, “focusing on who they truly are and not the disorder”. So common for us to focus on the behaviour and try and fix that rather than as you say get underneath the issue and see what is driving the behaviour. Once this is done, there is no longer any need for the behaviour and one is left free to be themselves again. Thank you again for such an inspirational sharing.
Thank you for sharing your story with us, Aimee. Your words helped me go back to my own experiences on this subject. Like Christoph said before, your light is incredibly strong and it is helping me right now to release some of my old hurts and heal. Thank you very much.
Feeling not good enough as we are is a crippling and destructive force that not only affects us but those around us when in fact we are as you say Aimee, and as Serge Benhayon has presented that what we strive for is already within us ready and waiting to be felt and experienced. I am enough and I am gradually understanding this more and more based on how my body feels. The feeling of ‘not being enough’ that void or empty pit feeling in my gut that is sometimes experienced is simply a cover for what is underneath and all it takes is a choice to give what is below our focus over and above those horrible feelings, even if they may at times feel as though they have us locked in place. With the support of Universal Medicine I am accepting myself more because I am allowing myself to feel more of what is underneath that nonsense. It’s not pretty facing those feelings but I appreciate having those in my life who have and are willing to give their focus to the everything we already are rather than to a constantly, ever changing ‘who we need to be’ that changes throughout our lives.
“With the support of Universal Medicine I am accepting myself more because I am allowing myself to feel more of what is underneath that nonsense.” – Yes, Leigh it’s great to call it out as the nonsense that it is when you get to feel what is underneath.
So much time can be spent avoiding those feelings of not being good enough that when the choice is made to heal, it can be painful to go back or in and feel all that has been avoided. But the self honesty and actually feeling what is there to be felt feels better that the not feeling.
very true Leigh it is important that we start to understand that we are not the self critic, the loathing and the negative thoughts and that there is something completely opposite to that that we can experience if we so choose.
Great point Leigh. And I wonder, why is this disease of ‘not feeling enough’ so prevalent, so harmful, affecting women all across the world of all different backgrounds; and yet not researched nor talked about; it is not a newspaper headline and we are not truly educated, treated nor shown how to heal this ill anywhere outside of Universal Medicine?
Thank God for Universal Medicine.
What an inspiring and insightful story. I have never had bulimia but I can relate to some of the behaviours and thoughts around food. It seems the same drive, just at a less extreme end of the spectrum. When I am not connected with myself or not wanting to feel what’s going on in me, my thoughts can drift off to the next meal or what I will buy when I go shopping and I can definitely eat when I am not hungry. The fact that you knew exactly how to do bulimia shows that there is an energy that drives this behaviour. I can sometimes feel this energy when I can see myself overeating but unable to stop. It is great to know that you have found self-love to be the key that let you leave all this behind.
Thanks Aimee for your honest account. What I felt from reading your blog is that we are all so deeply sensitive and that there are so many different ways that we can find to numb ourselves from feeling our hurts. Some of us use alcohol or drugs, sex, relationships or some food. What a miracle that you were able to, through the application of simple tools, learn to self love and heal your self-worth issues. Beautiful.
Your story has certainly opened my eyes to something I had little or no idea about. I had no idea that bulimia was such a struggle to live with and to over come. I had no idea how it started and no idea how it played out throughout every part of ones life. It is beautiful to read your story – shared with such openness and love; and the most beautiful thing to know is that it is possible to beat bulimia, you are the living and shining example of that.
Thank you Aimee for the courage to tell your life’s story and by reflection show how we all have the opportunity to heal our hurts and create miracles when we begin to develop self-love.
Amazing turnaround thanks to Universal Medicine and the simple and practical tools that Serge Benhayon and the practitioners present.
Aimee, I can really relate to that feeling of knowing that you deserve more, but are stuck in a pattern or way of behaviour with no real and genuine help to stop it. This is one of the great gifts that Universal Medicine offers, which is help to realise that the ability to stop these destructive behaviours actually lies within and not from any outer source.
An incredible story Aimee, thanks for bringing your experience out for all to share, bulimia is something that affects a great many people. It is amazing to read of the energy you used to put into managing your process of purging the body of food, how well we are able to measure the circumstances that surround us to make things work how we wish them to. It is quite remarkable the positive changes we can make when we give the same energy to loving ourselves and making choices that support us, getting to the root cause of why we choose to self harm.
I agree Stephen the turnaround that is possible when ‘we give the same energy to loving ourselves and making choices that support us, getting to the root cause of why we choose to self harm’ is truly remarkable and what a positive and inspirational force for good in the world which is much needed with so many trapped in cycles of self harm feeling they have no way out.
Great point Stephen – how all that energy can be redirected for a different purpose.
Yes exactly Stephen – if the same effort people put into keeping eating disorders secret and harming themselves was swapped into CARING and LOVING their bodies it would be absolutely incredible! Mind blowing… Aimee has shown that this is possible, and what a change this has made in her life.
Aimee, you have a really strong light – a very strong beauty. Clearly this would continuously attract jealousy from everywhere and, because your light is so strong, you had to take very big measures to reduce it to something manageable, so there would not be too much jealousy.
Aimee, what an honest and very touching story you have shared about a subject I know so little about, but one I am slowly beginning to understand; how it can rule and ruin a person’s life and detrimentally affect those around them. I am sure that your story will be the inspiration for others trapped in the destructive cycle that you were in. The turnaround you have made in your life, from being so inspired by the presentations of Serge Benhayon, is testament to your inner strength and the commitment that you made to you, and the beauty and the joy that you are both inside and out, simply shines out of the last photos
Wow! A living miracle indeed. How you lived your life previously- one of self harm for many years ,to now- very loving and honouring as a woman. Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine in helping you turn your life around. Your story would definitely help and inspire other young teenagers who are also suffering from bulimia and don’t know where to go for help or guidance.
This is certainly true. So many young women out there are suffering in silence. Aimee’s story should be shared over and over again to as many people as possible because you may never know who is going through this awful illness in silence.
I enjoyed to read your amazing story Aimee Edmonds. How lost we can be when we live disconnected from the love we actually are and what self destructive behaviours do we develop for not having to feel the hurt inside us because of this fact. The pictures tell us the full story and show me that you new exactly what to do to not feel the hurt that was so devastating to you.
We are blessed by having Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine in our lives, showing us a way of living that is true and genuine to our being, he shows us how to live a life as the Sons of God on earth for each and everyone of us. Returning to this true way of living is such a joy and that too I can see in the pictures that so clearly show that in you.
Reading your blog reminded me a lot of myself-I went through similar stuff during teenage years and my early 20´s and I know the feelings you described- the control and the hiding, the constant thoughts about food etc. I binge-read your blog – it is great how easy it actually is, to get out of these destructive momentums, although they were controlling you many many years. Like you, my whole life changed after starting to truly understand me and working on the relationship to myself.
I’ve realised over the years just how much I’ve always loved and yearned for understanding… not just the understanding from others but mostly the understanding of myself, life and others. When I am not myself and feeling lost, I look to understand why or the situation and then its so easy to feel more myself again.
wow Aimee, I am shocked at just how extensive the symptoms and behaviour associated with Bulimia can be. Even if there is only a mild case of bulimia, it is still so far away from true self nurturing, and letting others in. I can so relate to the anxiousness associated with eating and I still at times am self critical, mental and restrictive when it comes to food, but I know the antidote to that is to accept just how amazing I am, and that I can always choose to express myself in that loveliness. Thanks for sharing your story, It has really opened up the topic of Bulimia and the underlying causes.
I love what you shared here Harrison: “…but I know the antidote to that is to accept just how amazing I am, and that I can always choose to express myself in that loveliness.” I have been very restrictive with food too and it is still a sensitive topic at times. But, like you share it all is changing now with the love and amazingness that I am starting to accept I am. It is then just natural to want to nourish myself in every way, including eating supportive foods.
Me too Harrison, and it is really important for us all to discuss things like the underlying causes of bulimia so that instead of trying to counsel people to heal and stop it once they already have the disorder, we can begin mapping out a way of living that means bulimia is far from anyones future!
Love that Susie: “we can begin mapping out a way of living that means bulimia is far from anyones future!”
Wow, reading this blog, with all the control of behaviours over eating when, where, and how, I can feel your absolute turning point at the Universal Medicine workshop with Serge Benhayon was “could it be that I am not just capable of healing my own hurts, but also that I am already everything I have thought I needed to strive to be?” What a beautiful change to see with you being self loving, and how this has changed your life. The photos of you now are gorgeous.
Wow Aimee – you are stunningly beautiful. Thank you for this deeply honest blog – the turn around you have made is profound and a story that many many people would find inspiring. Thank you Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for saying it as it is – there really is another way.
You are stunningly beautiful, I can feel your warmth, amazingness and gorgeousness from your most recent photos. It is evident your glow and vitality is attributed to your commitment to reconnecting to your inner beauty, your commitment to life and just simply being you. Thank you for sharing who you are with us all to appreciate and love.
Thank you for sharing such a profound experience with deep clarity and honesty. This has also been my experience “The difference with this, relative to all the other therapies I had tried, was that Serge Benhayon was presenting another way of being, based on his own livingness, a self-caring, self-loving way of living, all presented in a gentle non-imposing way.” I had not really sought any relief from any other therapies or modalities, basically from lack of trust in the people that deliver them. I also trusted what Serge Benhayon shared when I first listened to him because it is so evident that he walks his talk. I have no doubt that my life would not be as joyful, expressive and full, if i had not began to put some of the tools that Universal Medicine shares in place in my life daily, such as honouring my body, feeling what there is to feel and learning what my body requires in terms of nourishment, these are some of the simple and supportive commitments that I live every day. I am practicing self love and care and makes all the difference.
Wow Aimee, your story is so honest and revealing. Thank you for sharing your experience. Your photos speak a thousand words. The photos of you today showing your shine, openness and beauty and the exhaustion of you as a thirty year old. What an amazing change and an inspiration for many, many people.
Exactly, Aimee looks so glorious now and the self abusive patterns are healed and gone. I enjoy the beautiful woman that Aimee is, naturally, and she is showing herself with her sparkling eyes to the world. Thank you for sharing this blog with us.
Thank you Rachel, yes photos speak volumes! It has really helped me to appreciate more fully what I now choose for myself by looking back over these photos.
Wow Aimee your before and after Universal Medicine pictures speak volumes, you feel amazing now. Not feeling good enough can be such a trap, keeping us searching on the outside to better ourselves, when all we have to do is stay connected to our essence and who we truly are.
When reading this I became more aware of how much people can hide from each other about how they are really feeling and what’s really going on for them- this can last for years. Sometimes we can miss what is going on for another because of what people have going on for themselves. Its inspiring to read that even though this illness dominated your life for many years you were able to heal this and turn it around after being inspired by Serge Benhayon.
Good point Kirsty. I remember being consumed by my own body image in my late teens and I found it hard to connect to others as I was so obsessed with what I looked like and what I was eating. My lack of self worth was huge and I was miserable but not many would have had any idea as externally I was very successful. Part of the misery is keeping all that to yourself.
Thanks for sharing Nikki, this line is so true ‘Part of the misery is keeping all that to yourself’! I was also, so very miserable when I was comparing myself to an outside image…. and I can see now, that the one thing that could have changed that was connecting and sharing this with others. What a trap it is when we keep things like this to ourselves.
Imagine how much we would find out about each other, and potentially inspire another, if we were to be open and honest about how we are truly feeling? Instead reflecting a real and true woman or man instead of a unreal and ‘perfect’ image.
Absolutely Kristy, it only takes one person to show or live a different way to what is more predominately seen in society or the ‘norm’, for another to re-kindle what they have always known deep inside.
Absolutely Kristy – it seems that the people closest to us are who we tend to hide the most from. It feels like we can use issues as a form of indulgence and to keep people out. That we can hide behind things so that people don’t challenge us to truly be who we are. When really we all want a closeness with each other and an honesty.
i’ve found the more honest I am with people about what is going on, the more open I am and the more open they are to me. It really does work both ways as we are all connected.
Wow. Your honesty is incredible, and the turn around you’ve made in your life Aimee is inspirational. I don’t hear about bulimia a lot; although of course it’s in films and TV shows, it’s not a widely talked about topic at school with friends and it certainly isn’t taught about by teachers. For me it’s always been quite a grey area, ‘What is this eating disorder that thousands of people seem to have?’, and although I knew the basics and physicality’s of what it was, never before have I read such an honest account of what it’s like to go THROUGH it. Knowing how you began loving yourself and body is really supportive for me too; I quite often feel down about my body and the way I look, but you have showed me there are ways not to feel that way. Thank you for sharing.
And wouldn’t it be great if stories like Aimee’s were shared at schools or in a documentary. Everyone can relate to this story because whilst this is a story about Bulimia, it is actually a story about lack of self-worth. And I’m sure everyone has experienced or is experiencing not feeling good enough or a low sense of worth.
I absolutely agree Marika. It is a story about not feeling good enough in a world that sadly with all the images, pictures, and ideals and beliefs doesn’t naturally support us all to feel the preciousness, grace and beauty that we all already are. It is a deeply honest story that as you are all saying many would benefit from – young or old.
Beautifully put jane! Thank goodness there are people reflecting something true and real, that reminds “…us all to feel the preciousness, grace and beauty that we all already are.” to offset everything that is set up to do the opposite.
Yes I agree Marika, I have been thinking of contacting local schools. And as you say it is actually about sharing that many destructive and harming behaviours start from a lack of self-worth, not wanting to be hurt or rejected. This then takes away being labelled or identified as a condition but focuses more on who you really are inside, without taking on or comparing to the outside.
YES YES!!! Do contact the local schools; they would be blessed to have you speak there! Your story needs to be heard and shared.
I agree it would be an amazing story to share in schools, or in a documentary that could be watched in schools, teenage years in school are so tough and for many when their self worth really plummets, imagine someone going into schools who understand exactly how this feels and has come through it, it would be SO inspiring.
Yes it would! Like Susie said earlier I did not know what it was like to go through Bulimia either, and it felt like a that same ‘grey area’. Reading this blog gave me a look into a life with Bulimia and what it is like. Knowing what it is like AND what is the way out is very very needed.
I agree also Marika. You could say Bulimia is just the cover story and the real story is about a “lack of self-worth”.
Thanks Susie, yes it is a grey area for many and that is why I felt to share my story, to bring such a hidden topic out into the open and expose what is really going on. So that anyone going through something similar can read a real account, that just may bring a different perspective to something that feels like there is no way out or one is owned by. Anyone really could relate.
Anyone can relate to your story Aimee. Whilst I have never suffered from bulimia, I certainly have had ‘never feeling good enough’ running my life. This story of lack of self worth running you, and how you now love yourself and let people into your life, such a transformation, you now ‘know that I am the amazing, beautiful and precious woman that I have always been but had lost sight of. And that true beauty comes from within.’
Wow Aimee – what a shift! Since you were nine years old you lived this “not being good enough” issue with all its impacts on your eating, your body and mind, with the impact on your relationships, on your partner and children. This is a really BIG thing with huge impacts and you shift it! Not just for you but for all who are near you and I guess you did it for all of us! This information -your shifting/healing- is now also available for those who are willing to give up on bulimia (like bulimia behaviors were there for you as you ‘asked’ for it). What a blessing! Thank you very much. And thanks to Universal Medicine which is supporting us all to do this shifts/healings.
Thank you for sharing your story with us and your recovery from bulimia. It never occurred to me the lengths people with this condition would go to to make their life seem successful – it has always been my belief that it was all based around an obsession with food, but from what you are describing it seems like control plays a big part in it.
Reading your comment Julie it occurs to me that most people one way or another go to great lengths to get through life and seem successful. Whether it by being a workaholic, great athlete, complete failure, alcoholic, perfect mother, emotional person or bulimic. One way or another it is very common for us to find ways to override our hurts and the messages from our bodies – it is just more obvious to someone with bulimia that they are doing that!
Absolutely and what I have felt today after attending a course with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is how I have used nervous energy in my body to create situations where I want to try and control incidents because I have not wanted to trust.
Hello Julie Matson I agree. It is sobering to see the extent people go to with these disorders and how long they can ‘fool’ those close to them. It wakes me up to have more care with the people around me, am I blind to something or someone I am close to that may be struggling, and because of how busy I have been I haven’t taken the time with them. This blog has inspired me to check in, thank you Aimee Edmonds.
Thank you Aimee for sharing so candidly your experiences. Through your openness and honesty I can feel so strongly your love and the power of love and truth to heal.
Thank you, Aimee, your story is invaluable. Whatever inner battles we are struggling with, the key principles as presented by Universal Medicine give us a fresh start to life by providing us with the constant reflection of our divinity, that always has and always will reside within us. There is nothing more healing than being reminded of this fact and in time we can completely turn our lives around as you have so powerfully done.
Aimee, I will totally agree with you that you are amazing, beautiful and precious women. Your words are an inspiration for others that feel they are not enough.
What an incredible story, Aimee, and how amazing it is that you have shared it. This is a real gift for all of us that struggle with self-acceptance and worth. Miracles do happen…you are evidence of this. Thank you.
Agree Matilda. At school we are given many leaflets to support us and inform us about eating disorders and mental health issues. I’d love to see Aimee’s blog on one of these!!
Agreed Susie, I have been surfing the net about eating disorders and everything I found was aimed at the person having a ‘problem’ and everyone labelling themselves as Anorexic or Bulimic. It so important to nominate what is going on, but I can feel how when we call ourselves a name or believe we are this and that… it makes it very hard to take a step back and actually see who we ‘truly’ are and why we are using ‘this or that’.
What I can see and have experienced is really the only ‘problem’ we have when we choose to abuse ourselves, is that we have forgotten how precious we really are, and try and squash feeling how much not living that actually hurts.
Beautiful Aimee. Yes, no matter how our issues manifest, it is coming back to our innate preciousness that is truly healing.
Yes I definitely agree that a blog such as this need to be shared for all those suffering bulimia. There would I imagine be a lot of helplessness in this illness and the practical nature of what you share feels incredibly powerful and supportive.
Hello Susie Williams I agree, a personal blog like this that not only gives you information about a disorder or issue but also gives you a direction out, a self direction at that. We think being informed about a particular thing is the answer, education alone is only more information and not anything to do with addressing actually what is going on. As Aimee Edmonds writes here there is more you can do and this blog is a great map for us all, thank you Aimee.
Wow Aimee, this is such an amazing turnaround, the photo’s say it all, in the most up to date photo’s you have that confident, relaxed, open feeling that you have as a young child. it is very beautiful to read how you now take care of yourself, you are a role model and show how it is possible to turn your life around no matter what is going on.
Wow Aimee – what a story! Its crazy how the smallest thing can trigger such an extreme reaction.
I also carried around the feeling of not being good enough, and constantly being rejected by men (which I set myself up for) and as a result – bring on the eating issues! The absolute form of control: what we put in our mouths each day.
The argument was just with myself – so I felt like I was in control and could win no matter what! Your experience of Bulimia was calculated to a tee. Its amazing how we can manipulate our lives to revolve around an issue that is not really who we are.
Yes Hannah, and all the while believing we are in control whereas for me any ways, I was not in control of anything except how much of me I would allow to be seen or not. The beliefs and ideals I was running which was controlling all my movements, thoughts and choices. I’m realising lately how when we react it affects us more than anything else… it poisons the body instantly just like drinking or digesting something that is a ‘known’ poison.
Thank you for sharing your amazing story Aimee, it is so inspiring to know that by your choice to deeply love and care for yourself, with the support of Universal Medicine, true healing can take place. Your ‘after’ photos reflect the beauty of this.
Thank you Aimee for this very powerful article, it high-lights the sheer importance of Universal Medicine and everything that we are missing out on when we are not being ourselves. You are a beautiful Woman and the world is blessed by having you and your reflection in it.
Thank you Amina, and yes everyone misses out including ourselves when we hide away and not show our full selves to the world.
Yes you are beautiful , amazing and precious Aimee but it just shows anyone can lose sight of this if self worth issues are allowed to creep in. What struck me at the start of your blog was how in your not knowing anything about bulimia the information was somehow there for you, it just goes to prove we have information coming at us all the time whether we are looking for it or not.
I agree Kevin, one thought leads to a down load of many, which become a cycle of harm if we allow them to continue. This is a beautiful story Aimee and the photos say it all, your story is told through them. How amazing to see you now and how you have turned things around.
Yes I found that amazing too Kevin, that without Aimee knowing anything about bulimia the thoughts were still able to come in and encourage Aimee to buy what was needed.
Yes Kevin, Susan and Alison, this is such an interesting point to explore. There is so much emphasis out there and beliefs that the thoughts we have are actually who we are…. but what I’ve come to understand is that, naturally we are loving, harmonious, gentle etc., and if my thoughts are not this, then what view of myself have I taken on, got involved in or compared to from the outside, that I have then moved away from these qualities.
Aimee I know nothing about the current treatments that are available for people suffering from eating disorders but feel that a program based on your experience would be invaluable.
Indeed Alexis. This program would not treat from the point that something is wrong, but from the point that in fact everything is alright deep within, but this just has been forgotten.
From what I have experienced from working at a clinic with a large department for patients with eating disorders I can only say: “Aimee, get your story out into the world as far and wide as possible! Seeing the amazing, joyful and tender woman that you are, yet being able relating to what you have gone through and see that there is another way to live will be a massive healing and inspiration for many”.
Well said, Michael. If therapies and treatments are to truly support, the approach should always be to re-connect to what is within us, rather than focussing on what is wrong and identifying with that. Universal Medicine relentlessly reflects to everyone their greatness and innate divinity, and eventually it has to sink in!
Janet you’ve said this perfectly – treatments so often further solidify the harm because they inadvertenly support a person to identify with whatever issue they have so the person thinks the issue is somehow part of them. It means that they are then in the belief that that issue is always forever present and needs constant managing if it’s not to get out of control – rather than realising it has no place in the gloriousness of who we are so we can let it go with no attachment to it, knowing we nolonger have to ever choose it again.
So true Karin and Janet. The treatments available for many addictive behaviours always see ‘s the person as an addict. AA feeds off this making people dependant and beholden to it. As you say managing, controlling life and behaviours never seeing the falsity that these behaviours are not who we are. They do not identify us. Universal Medicine is a leading light in connecting people to the greatness and divinity that we already are.
Yes I agree Alexis and Michael. This is an invaluable sharing and ‘program’ for others with body image issues…which I would suggest may be just about all of us!! We may not go to the same lengths as anorexia and bulimia yet the ‘not being good enough’ still manages to find a way to play out. Through Universal Medicine and a very real way of connecting with myself and others, those body image issues I used to carry are really starting to dissipate…
Great points Sara, Michael and Alex. There are a lot of medical and psychological conditions related to what you are saying and Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon are the only organisation saying it as it is – and, looking at the root of these conditions. ‘Body dysmorphia’ is rife in our society, as are digestive issues, and self acceptance, lack of self worth. Perhaps one day some research will be done about cases like Aimee’s where a true turn around has been made – as what Aimee shares here is pure gold.
Yes Jane, that’s true. Working with what Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine has proven to be a true way to deal with these epidemic ‘body dysmorphia’, lack of self acceptance and lack of self worth issues. And absolutely, Aimee’s story is great evidence of this.
Completely agree Michael – everything is upside down. We have taken in the belief that something is wrong with us because that is what we have been relentlessly told and then of course we want to vomit that out. The huge healing for thousands of people has come from Serge Benhayon introducing us to the fact that we are already everything we are looking for and it is just a question of reconnecting to that. So simple and it works. Healing starts from the point of us recognising that we already are Divine and then letting go of all those hurts and issues that are not who we are.
Absolutely Nicola. Feeling and seeing that there is nothing wrong with us and being able to connect to the beauty, love and divinity we all are, which Universal Medicine so gorgeously support us to be able to do and then clear everything out of the body that is not us, such as self-loathing, anxiousness, anger, resentment to name a few!
I completely agree with everyone in this thread! By focusing on the problem without first realising we are already whole and are already everything makes true healing impossible. It’s like being asked to walk without legs. When we reconnect to the truth of who we are on the inside it becomes a foundation and anchor from which to let all the hurts and angst go. We can let go of the identification of our ills and know they are not us.
So true Alexis and Michael, this would be a great compliment to the support offered at the moment… even maybe the missing link. Especially, when we focus first on the fact that there is nothing that needs fixing, just bringing a level of understanding of what has come in-between us knowing ourselves in full and the behaviour we turn to when this has been forgotten. I agree Michael, am looking into sharing my story on a wider scale! Thank you
Alexis, I agree. Those who work with Universal Medicine have dropped so many addictions – alcohol, drugs even something as powerful as bulimia and we are not in remission. The addictions are actually gone.
I don’t know any other place on earth (except a cemetery) that can say that.
Oh Christoph, I guffawed when I read your comment about the cemeteries. But you know what, you are right. I have been astounded by how many people through coming in contact with Universal Medicine are actually free of these addicitons and there aren’t many other places that can lay claim to that!’
Aimee, your story is as deeply beautiful as you are. You are a living miracle.
So true Christoph,
But not even a cemetery will lay rest to the momentum of ill choices that continue to live with us beyond this life.
There really is nowhere else on Earth that is truly addressing addictions, illness, disease, lack of self worth and the underlying cause of our ills – (not even a cemetery).
Right you are Christoph! A very funny but also deeply seriously true comment in reply to the very beautiful Aimee and her willingness to be vulnerable enough to share her story.
I agree Alexis, Aimee shows a great strength in claiming oneself as a woman.
This is so true Alexis. I’ve not seen such amazing results from other programs so setting something up around this would be fantastic.
I wholeheartedly agree with what you are expressing Alexis. What Aimee is describing is a true healing from an addictive behaviour, something that is a rarity in our current approach to addictions and thus, as you say, invaluable.
Wow Aimee,
Your beauty is beyond words. You have exposed the entanglement of the self-imposed prison of bulimia, and the lengths of self-harm we can go to when lack of worth is running the show.
The evil of ‘not feeling good enough’ is something that can affect us in so many ways… Reading this blog, I am realising how these thoughts of ‘not feeling enough’ can torment and shape us to be and do things that are so far away from the truth of who we really are. Whilst bulimia and eating disorders are the extremity of one of these behaviours, how many live with more subtle versions of ‘not being enough’ disease in daily life – that we see as normal?
Even going to the slightest bit more effort, or dressing in a way to achieve an outcome, or to be more, to push your body beyond it’s limits are all milder versions of the same thing.
It is not until we fully embrace the all that we are and say no to the ills of not feeling enough that we can experience our true normal – as your photos so clearly radiate.
So true Kylie about the extremities of ‘not feeling enough’. As I read Aimee’s story, the feelings of similar events, triggers were present and I have not suffered from Bulimia . The evil is there lurking to pull us away from the glory that Aimee felt and beautifully described as a child. We must get underneath the ‘not good enough’ and present to girls women and everyone, that this is the lie we are swallowing. Focusing on the ‘how I do MY not good enough’ is secondary to the disease that spawns it. Thank you Aimee
Absolutely Bernadette, as we can find many of the ‘how I do my not good enough’
Absolutely Kylie as our relationship with ourselves matters so much. As a women I can relate greatly to these types of behaviours and why we would do them, I can also relate to how Aimee lives now and what she has discovered along her way back to returning to her natural beauty. In our childhood homes and in our schools we are not been taught to deeply connect to this gorgeousness we all hold and instead we are very much asked to focus on everything but so it is no wonder that one of the worlds biggest plagues is lack of self-worth.
However with the likes of Aimee, Universal Medicine and all the amazing students and practitioners things are starting to shift and people are starting to enjoy themselves and their natural beauty no matter what their past experiences have been.
Yes I was thinking the same thing Kylie in regards to how so many live their lives with: “more subtle versions of ‘not being enough”. We are fed so many messages, especially from the media and magazines that ‘we are not enough’ and after awhile it is easy to start to believe this. It is not unreasonable to say that we have a ‘self worth’ epidemic. And the antidote to this is to connect to the truth of who we really are and appreciate the enormity of love that we already are.
This is what I am seeing too Marika; there is an absolute epidemic of people feeling not good enough. Listening to what Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine present is the antidote to this lack of confidence and acceptance of oneself.
I can remember these times of not being good enough for myself every single day, too. I love the antidote and knowing that the answer lies within, this is the only true way out of this self abuse. Thanks to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon I have found this way back to myself.
I remember one of the many ologies/isms that I dabbled in, involved looking in the mirror and telling myself how beautiful I was. Did it work? No, but then I don’t feel that the person who presented it felt that she was beautiful.
How different now to have a presenter who not only values himself but us too.
Marika this is so true, and that self worth epidemic is making the world sick, so few now live without any ill health and fewer still live in true vitality and energised wellbeing. We need to start to support ourselves and value that we are amazing people worth looking after.
Ok so perhaps it’s a light hearted way of saying it, but I get what you’re saying Stephen: deeply buried amazing, still means that those who’ve buried it, were amazing first and are therefore still amazing – not only are they generally amazing, but amazing at burying their amazingness.
What an amazing way of putting it Oliver – “deeply buried amazing, still means that those who’ve buried it, were amazing first and are therefore still amazing…”
Such clear truth presented here Kylie: “It is not until we fully embrace the all that we are and say no to the ills of not feeling enough that we can experience our true normal – as your photos so clearly radiate” – true normal that has none of the afflictions in regards the entirety of life itself, how we are in it, and also how we actually came into our life, which includes our background, class, caste, race, ethnicity, religion, nationality, language, accent, neighbourhood, schooling and education, profession, age, gender, looks, and body shape. And so much more. When we discard these afflictions we reveal the beauty and wonder of “True Normal”.
Beautifully expressed Kylie, I love what you bring in here, that Bulimia is the extreme, but that there is a million ‘milder’ versions of the same thing, being driven by thoughts of not being ‘good enough’, so going out of our way to live up to what we may feel is expected. Rather than coming from our own fullness, and from sharing all that I am, without any need to hide anything.
Thank you Kylie Jackson foe exposing the “evil” that can ride our every move when we are riddled with feelings of self doubt and a never ending cycle of no self worth. The slightest push or doing that is not coming from who we are is already moving us further away from the gentle and sensitive beings that we are.
Reading your story Aimee, I realise how much of a prison we make for ourselves when we invest in feelings of lack of self worth, we have to do anything to protect ourselves from those feelings and begin to lead self abusive and protective lives. How complicated your regime was with the laxatives and how magnifying of your lack of love for yourself. The way you found to heal yourself through the teachings of Serge Benhayon and observing the loving he way he lives his life, is so simple in comparison, like the beautiful child you once were. Thank you for sharing your story, it has many resonances for other abusive behaviours, not only bulimia, but I am sure many people will recognise the feelings around food and how we use it or abuse it to be in control.
I agree Joan, what I have learnt and am feeling more and more from what Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine present is that these feelings and thoughts of lack of self-worth are not even our thoughts. It is just an energy coming in stopping us from being all that we are.
Unfortunately we have bought into the illusion that these thoughts ARE us. Breaking this illusion is the tricky part because first we have to accept this as the truth and many people resist what they innately know in their hearts to be true but refuse to take responsibility for. This is where Universal Medicine comes in, presenting us the facts of the way it is and reminding us of who we truly are,. For me, if I didn’t feel it with every fibre of my being I would not want to accept that my thoughts weren’t mine either!
Yes, Sandra, a huge turning point is when we recognise that the thoughts we identify with that have been dominating us are not real, and never have been. By connecting more to the body, we come to know and love ourselves in a different way, and over time the body becomes our best friend, as it informs us of what is really going on.
Our body naturally knows which thoughts are in line with who we truly are and which ones are the cuckoo thoughts (both like the bird and in the crazy sense!) an imposter that comes in and uses force to get us to adopt it and claim the thoughts as who we are. Giving the body the role of gatekeeper allows us to feel the energy that our thoughts come with. This teaching from Universal Medicine has changed my life in so many ways, no longer dominated by my mind, only when I choose to be blinded and follow. The power remains within me to make the choice to say yes or no to which energy I will follow.
This is brilliant Vicky as no-where outside of Universal Medicine have I heard it said that our thoughts come from energy. I found this difficult to fathom for a long time but am feeling for myself how true this is and depending on my energetic state of being – including my mood and body posture -determines the type of thoughts I will have. When I put effort into taking care of myself, attending to my needs (rather than leaving that to someone else or hoping that they’ll notice!) and keep that going consistently there is a Love in me that is ignited and blossoms and I can be so much more understanding and caring of others and my thoughts are much less critical. It feels like a full cup flowing over, as the Love is too much to contain.
I agree Vicky and what I see we also do is make choices that we know are not good for us so we can confirm our lack of self worth thus stopping us even further from being all that we are. Many of us are so familiar with this energy that we do not know that this is not who we are. We are actually Sons of God made up of only divine particles. So when we see the truth of the matter it becomes obvious that we must have to call lack of self worth in for it does not exist otherwise.
I can relate to what you say about self worth issues being a prison, a self imposed incarceration that keeps us from truly loving ourselves and others, Your story Aimee is a beacon for all to recognise that we can all shine and we are all equally beautiful.
Here here Kev – very well said.
The prison is of our own making and that is the real kicker – that we do this to ourselves, it shows that there is much more to things than what we see as it just doesn’t make any sense. You are completely right Kevin when you say this story is a beacon of how we can choose love and that will then provide you with the next move, not the mind that tells you how to be bulimic!
That prison of our own making is something very familiar with me. I can relate to the lack of self-worth that Aimee describes and as you say Vanessa the real kicker is that we hurt ourselves, (far more than we have ever been hurt by others!). Aimee’s story is inspirational on how to turn this around, to live a life with self-care, self-nurture and love. The before and after photos say so much about the truth of this change and it’s joyful seeing Aimee sparkle and shine. What a turn around!
Aimee’s story is indeed inspirational. You can feel there isn’t an ounce of emotion in Aimee’s writing she has dealt with that chapter in her life and hence can now offer it as a healing to others.
I agree Kevin, self worth issues are like a prison, holding us back from expressing all that we naturally are. And it is a choice to accept these limitations we put on ourselves, to keep us small. We don’t have to be perfect – as clearly – that is not possible, but even in the imperfection we are all awesome. Just for being.
Yes Kevin absolutely. We are all shining beacons of light that deserve the space to radiate. Aimee’s gorgeous blog just highlights that self love is the key to open the doors to our gates of protection.
The prison you share here Kevin McHardy is one that we enter into with our own free will “thinking’ that is the best option available. How far from the truth are we living when we get to this stage? This blog is a living example that we can make the choice to go the other way.
Joan, reading Aimee’s blog has helped me to see the small ways in which feelings I have around food still influence me. I know i do use it as a controlling factor, as I often take food with me if I’m out for longer than a few hours ,just in case, and there is a trace of anxiety if I don’t. Something more for me to let go.
Yes those feelings of lack of self worth indeed make our lives imprisoning. They are self perpetuating too, because the moment we act out on the feeling of being less we feed the self disgust, which then leads to more destructive behaviours. Although I haven’t suffered from bulimia I can certainly relate to those self sabotaging thoughts and feelings that lead to disregard. In learning to take ever deepening nurturing choices each day I am growing in self-appreciation and self worth and the bar shifts in what I consider that disregard to be as my body adjusts to those choices, which then becomes my new foundation.
I so agree Michelle, feelings of lack of self worth can be crippling and indeed very imprisoning. They kept me feeling small and less than for most of my life until I came across Universal Medicine and the amazing modalities. Learning to each and every day, feel a deeper sense of purpose and choices to honour myself, have helped enormously, along with learning to appreciate myself and all that I bring, has indeed helped set a new foundation.
Indeed, Joan. The investment that we make into complicated ways to try to address the issues we have is one of the biggest prisons we build ourselves. A prison we soon forget that we built for ourselves and that we have the key to leave it behind when we choose to stop protecting ourselves behind the high walls of our own construction and look within.
Awesome comment Naren, ‘The investment that we make into complicated ways to try to address the issues we have is one of the biggest prisons we build ourselves.’ I can attest to this!
It’s like we have an issue then find a solution that doesn’t go to the core of the issue. but we’re temporarily relieved that the immediate issue is hidden. But solutions have side effects and they in turn require further solutions because they become a problem. And they have side effects so they need another set of solutions. It’s like building a wall of plasters on plasters (band-aids) till we lose connection with who we are.
But all it takes is a reminder of who we are and we’re back. Sure there are a few ouches as the plasters get taken away. One ouch is feeling the arrogance of thinking I found a solution to avoiding an issue that is still there waiting to be healed. But that’s something I can lovingly choose to accept, feeling the truth that that’s not truly who I am.
There are so many ways we can bring complication to every second of the day if we don’t stop to ponder on a simple way of living where we “hold ourselves’ in each moment and trust that all we need to learn and unfold presents itself each day and it is our choice and responsibility to either take or ignore this learning.
I had a sweet tooth as a kid, that was not enough for me any longer I then started smoking cigarettes at the age of 14, so I guess that was my way of numbing myself. I will always remember when I studied catering in France at the age of 19 and eating “choux à la crème” maybe up to five or six in a row. I wondered how did I get away with it! I was also going into the not being good enough as I went from one relationship to another but did not know what I was after. All I can remember is that I was very needy in my relationships. Only when I met Serge Benhayon 20 years later, I became more aware of what truly self loving was and began to understand what is driving me to either eat food I am not suppose to and what is driving me to exhaustion.
I agree Joan, I was in an eating disorder prison for many years and it has been a hard one to escape from. Recognising that it was nothing to do with the food was such eye opener for me. The truth, back to me was the only escape out of the prison, the key being connection to me, and a willingness to there with the true cause.