This is the story of my Bulimia which started back 21 years ago – after the time when I could still recall the freedom and joy I felt being in my own body as a very young child; still recall the way I was running, jumping and just playing. It was after the time when I remembered wearing clothes I really liked and the feeling of the texture on my skin.
It was after the time when there was an ease and playfulness, an acceptance, as I expected nothing from my body, which at the time felt lovely and open and where there were no thoughts of “you’re not up to scratch”.
For whatever reason, this started to change and this is where the story of my bulimia began…
 Age 3 |
 Age 4 |
 Age 6 |
Not Being Good Enough
Very early in life the thoughts of ‘not being good enough’ started coming in, becoming more frequent and intense from the age of nine. I experienced learning difficulties with Math at school, which I found a constant struggle: these were accompanied by emotional issues and the persistent thoughts of ‘not being good enough’ continued into my teenage years.
By the end of High School my boyfriend, with whom I had been in a committed relationship for 2 years, broke up with me before leaving for University. I could feel how he was freeing himself up to check out what else was ‘out there’. I was devastated as I had always felt this was the man I would be with forever, and the thoughts of not being good enough again came to the fore.
Not long after he left I remember driving to work one day and a thought came into my head – “Right, instead of feeling hurt and rejected this is your goal: go make yourself, no matter what it takes, into the best woman, daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend material, granddaughter, niece, employee…” the list went on. “And while you’re at it, focus on getting into the Police Academy”.
I remember breathing a sigh of relief and saying “Right, let’s get to it, something to focus my energy on”. Unbeknownst to me at the time, I was really creating my very own self-imposed reinforced fortress.
 Age 12 |
 Age 17 |
 Age 18 |
Mastering How ‘to do’ Bulimia……
Without ever remembering seeing anything on how ‘to do’ bulimia, or knowing anyone who was bulimic or who had any kind of eating disorder that I was aware of, somehow all the information was there for me in my thoughts – go here, buy this and do it this way.
Purging by regurgitating was unsuccessful for me from the start, leading to feelings of failure, so I turned to laxatives. At the time I didn’t realise my body had always suffered from dairy and gluten intolerance and had no need to ever take a laxative, but this I decided was the easiest and most definite way to rid myself of food and achieve my goal of being the best I could be.
Food was constantly on my mind; it did not matter if I was out with friends or playing sport, the thought of food and when to eat would be there always. I would go to a different chemist or grocery store each time to buy more laxatives so as to not be found out. This was my big secret. I would hide food to eat later. I felt completely in control of this aspect of my life. Because my family was so used to my having irritable bowel, no one ever suspected anything.
From the outside it looked like I had it all together. I worked a 10-12 hour day, starting and finishing with hours of relentless exercise; taking aerobics classes and pumping iron at the gym, playing all kinds of competitive sport and then after all this, running kilometres a day. I could keep going like this for 17 hours a day, never showing how exhausted I really was. On the inside I felt scared, hurt and lonely.
Unfortunately at my workplace there was one toilet, not outside away from everyone, but right in the middle of where everyone worked. I would be in excruciating pain after taking up to 30 laxatives at a time, popping even more after each visit to the toilet, all the time holding on for as long as I could so that the other employees didn’t suspect anything.
The drive to purge myself of food and to be successful in every facet of my life far outweighed the pain.
If a workmate made a comment like “Gee, you go to your bag a lot”, I would just say I was getting chewing gum to hide the fact that I was actually grabbing whatever laxative relief I had.
This behaviour continued for a year as I learned to master how to do bulimia by pretending I had eaten on my way home from sport so that my family wouldn’t expect me to eat dinner. I would sometimes buy takeaway and hide it so that if I did feel hungry during the night, I could control how much I ate or didn’t eat, and could do it in secret without anyone watching. I didn’t like eating home cooked meals as I then felt guilty if I purged afterwards because it was ‘real’ food compared to what I would buy for myself.
I didn’t gorge myself on ice cream, junk food, chocolates or lollies, but I mainly ate what I perceived to be more ‘healthier’ options at the time, like packet noodles, rice crackers and sultanas.
As my obsession with bulimia intensified, my family started to get suspicious. With the lack of food being absorbed by my system I was getting little nutrition and I was becoming very vague and irresponsible, particularly when driving. I would drive really fast, preoccupied with my obsessions with food and what I needed to do to be successful that day.
As a result, one day I pulled out in front of a car and we had a collision at the end of my street. This gave me a fright and I felt bad that I had caused injury to the other woman and damaged her car, but it really didn’t bring me to a stop.
Not long after this accident, my obsessive way of living in order to cover up my bulimic behaviour finally got exposed. I was taken twice to a counsellor for bulimia – which did not help at all, as all the focus was on my family’s feelings and not truly about what was going on for me. There was no criticism or judgment, as my family was genuinely concerned and did their best to support me, but they struggled to understand (as did I) how I could do what I was doing to myself.
So as to relieve my family of the worry, I swept my problems under the carpet and for a short time stopped my obsessive behaviour with bulimia and over-exercising.
 Age 30 | 2 Years BEFORE Universal Medicine |
 Age 30 | 2 Years BEFORE Universal Medicine |
Self-worth Issues and the Return of my Bulimia
In time, as my self-worth issues had never been addressed, the bulimia returned and to my great relief this time I found myself able to purge by making myself vomit, which meant that I could cut down on the laxatives and could bring the food up before it even had the chance to be digested. This became a highly sophisticated and organised process as there were so many things to take into account. I would organise the toilet or shower like you would set out your dressing table to paint your nails. I would take into consideration how quiet I would need to be in the process of throwing up in relation to who was around and how much in proximity they were.
I was never truly present with anyone as I was continually obsessed with my bulimia and what I would eat and when and where I would be able to throw it all up again.
I felt like a big fake and was so ashamed of what I was doing, and how much food and money I was wasting. But still I could not see any way of stopping – I honestly thought this would be my life forever.
This continued off and on for six or seven years. There were times when I would go for months without feeling this way but then something would happen, something that I did not want to feel or talk about and I would go back to the perceived relief of purging – something that was just mine that I could do to myself, no-one else could. Looking back I can see that my bulimia, and so much of what I felt, related to the self-worth issues that I continued to ignore.
The behaviours and symptoms of my bulimia eating disorder at the time were:
- Withdrawal from close friends, family and intimate gatherings
- Overdoing and pushing myself in all areas of life including exercise, sport, work and study
- Long bouts of time spent alone in my room, bathroom, toilet or outside away from others
- Avoidance of family mealtimes
- Drinking copious amounts of water in order to fill myself up and to help with bringing up the food
- The frequent consumption of laxatives, mints or chewing gum
- The shedding of weight, red eyes and flushed face.
Over the years (during which time I got married and had two sons), those intense feelings that drove me to my bulimia eased and changed to a so called ‘milder’ version of not feeling good enough as a wife and mother, along with the juggling of everything that goes with work and family life.
However, even though I had an adoring and devoted husband who has always been there for me, I kept pushing him away as I could not love myself – and as such, although some of my behaviour was less intense, my self-worth issues regardless were never far from the surface.
Universal Medicine – The Turning Point in My Life With Bulimia
Over the years I had looked into many different healing modalities such as Kinesiology, Reiki, tarot card reading, psychics and Aura-Soma colour healing, as well as having deep tissue and lomi lomi massages and seeing various chiropractors in order to deal with my bulimia and the underlying feelings of never being good enough etc. However, no matter what therapy I tried or which practitioner I saw, all of them made me feel like I could never do this on my own and I always needed something outside of me to change.
After years of seeking support, with changes that were at best temporary or providing momentary relief, the true change and turning point in my life came when I attended a Heart Chakra 1 workshop with Universal Medicine, presented by Serge Benhayon.
The difference with this, relative to all the other therapies I had tried, was that Serge Benhayon was presenting another way of being, based on his own livingness, a self-caring, self-loving way of living, all presented in a gentle non-imposing way.
I started to consider that the true healing for my bulimia and self-worth issues was not about fixing anything outside of myself, but looking within.
I left feeling: “Wow, could it be that I am not just capable of healing my own hurts, but also that I am already everything I have thought I needed to strive to be?”
In his presentations, Serge Benhayon shared simple tools which helped me reconnect with my body – simple techniques like feeling my toes in my shoes, doing the gentle breath meditation and being present with myself throughout my day.
Putting what was presented into practice gave me an opportunity to stop and arrest the momentum I was in – the relentless and punishing drive to ‘improve’ myself based on my belief that I was never good enough. These simple techniques allowed me the space to make different, more loving choices for myself and begin to mark a true end to the cycle of my bulimic behaviour.
Learning to be Self-Loving
Six years after being introduced to the teachings of Universal Medicine, the effects of my bulimia eating disorder and the thoughts that so totally dominated and controlled my life are no longer there. I now take care of and appreciate my body and am able to tune into the tenderness that I now know is innately within us all.
This means I am now eating and exercising in a way that honours my body instead of punishing and pushing it – fully accepting how I am feeling and what my limitations are.
Breaking the cycle of my bulimia, the self-harm and not feeling good enough and dealing with my underlying self-worth issues, has allowed me to love myself and therefore be able to let others in.
I now know that I am the amazing, beautiful and precious woman that I have always been but had lost sight of. And that true beauty comes from within.
 |
 |
AFTER 7 Years with Universal Medicine | Aimee Edmonds (Age 39)
|
|
This new love of self has allowed me to blossom, unfold and open and be able to share my feelings and myself with my husband, children, friends, family, clients and society. People around me have noticed and commented on how much more of me I am and what a joy I am to have around.
This turning point in my life and this turnaround is nothing short of a miracle. A miracle that Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon made possible through the teachings of the importance of self-care that then allows us to be self-loving.
By Aimee Edmonds, Burnaby, Vancouver
You may also be interested in:
Bulimia and Laxative Dependence: Healing my Old Ways
Before and After: Kylie Connors On Finding Her True Weight
Universal Medicine Helped to Heal Bulimia
694 Comments
Thank you Linda, a fact that is so important for us to remember, “…no matter the choices we make in our life, our true beauty still lies within us all, waiting for us to reconnect back with it.” Bringing a loving understanding to our choices instead of the usual judgement and criticism, opens up space for us to feel what is truly going on.
A great article Aimee, thank you for sharing how you reconnected back to the feeling of ease, playfulness and acceptance of your body in its beautiful openness that you felt as a child, and the inspiration that no matter the choices we make in our life, our true beauty still lies within us all, waiting for us to reconnect back with it.
Aimee this is an amazing story… and something you wrote struck me particularly when you said ‘no matter what therapy I tried or which practitioner I saw, all of them made me feel like I could never do this on my own and I always needed something outside of me to change.’ This is so true, and was my experience too in all the years of seeking and searching I did before coming across Serge Benhayon. Everything I did confirmed that feeling of ‘not enough’ and ‘can’t do this on my own’… the distinction being that we don’t really do it ‘on our own’, but that others support is only to inspire a deeper connection within, where all our own answers lie. Very different to the underlying and overt messages inherent in so many modalities and practises today.
I agree Jenny, and can feel now how many of the modalities I tried, looking to better or fix myself were actually keeping me in a dependency so that I didn’t see myself in any true light. Of course this is what I gravitated towards, as I was not looking for a true way to live but more quick fixes. I appreciate coming to Universal Medicine and like many many others with a knowing there is so much more to us.
“Right, let’s get to it, something to focus my energy on”. Unbeknownst to me at the time, I was really creating my very own self-imposed reinforced fortress. Aimee it’s incredible to look back at these decisions as I have and realise that was the moment I committed to leaving myself behind and wanting something else, little did I realise I was entering into a trade off, I will give up on being me if I get what I want. I now see it in many areas in life we are sold an illusion, a dream, and we sell out to it only to end up being owned by it and having to pay the price.
We had a Body Image and Eating Disorder Community Group recently and even though none of us had bulimia or anorexia after talking for a while we realized we all had an eating disorder. Many of us were still eating 3 meals a day when our bodies did not need it and/or we were over eating and/or sitting down for dinner and scoffing our meals not connecting to our bodies nor our family as we ate. Others were picking at their kids left overs or spending a lot of mental energy planning what they would or could not eat. Others just ate what was yummy ignoring what was actually needed to support the body These are only some of the disordered eating patterns that were shared, we came to the conclusion that most of the world had some form of eating disorder.
Good point Mary-Louise most of the world does have some sort of eating disorder and that would be as a result of self worth and acceptence issues
Yes Mary-Louise, when you think about it, there are so many ideas and beliefs around food, for example, when to eat, what to eat on certain days of the week, that override the body even if it’s indicating that you don’t actually need to eat… This is very much an eating disorder.
Yes Mary -Louise Myers even the term ‘eating disorders’ suggests there should be ‘order’ to the way we eat, but in actual fact that’s not true when it comes to the body and it’s requirements, it can clearly tell us when and what it wants to eat and when it’s unable to literally stomach an item. The body is very loud and knows what supports it… and that doesn’t come with any necessary order.
I had an eating disorder for about 20 years, quite severe at first, eating what ever I could get my hands on until I was stuffed full and vomiting up to 5 times a day. Over the years the intensity lessoned but not the underlying issues that led me to have it in the first place. These did not truly heal until I came to Universal Medicine and thanks to Serge Benhayon I have totally healed and will never have an eating disorder again. I am now able to support other men/women with this illness and bring clarity and compassion to a huge community issue.
Having another read of this Aimee and realising that even though I didn’t purge or take laxatives my eating was very disordered and certainly had a lot to do with my self worth and wanting to be thin. Perhaps the definition of eating disorders may change to include those who do it on an even more subtle level where they perhaps don’t even realise what they’re doing in order to feel they have some semblance of control over their lives or to numb their hurts.
Hi Deborah, you are on to it, there is and it is called ‘disordered eating’. Here is a small definition: “Disordered eating describes a variety of abnormal eating behaviors that, by themselves, do not warrant diagnosis of an eating disorder.” Reading this information shows that the majority of people in the world would have disordered eating. Even people that you would not consider would have disordered eating, like high performing athletes, by this definition can have disordered eating. My take on it, is wherever we are using food to not truly nourish our bodies but using it as a treat, to numb, to alter our state of being, to fit in etc. Very interesting topic to look at.
Eating disorders are effecting a large percentage of the population and have an underestimated impact on society. While estimates of the incidence of eating disorders vary between countries and studies, there is agreement that eating disorders, disordered eating and body image issues have increased worldwide over the last 30 years. Research conducted with young people in 2010 on behalf of the NEDC indicated that most young people know at least one other young person who they think might have an eating disorder. When I read this it hit home even more how we need to open up the conversation on this world wide issue. Your blog Aimee is a great start to open the discussion with in the community on how we can truly support people with this disorder.
The statistics are staggering Mary-Louise, I recently read that in the US approximately only 1 in 10 people with bulimia receive treatment and the statistics showed that relapse is common, occurring in approximately 30-50% of cases. We need to be asking why is that, and what is the missing part that 30-50% of bulimia sufferers relapse after some form of treatment. What I found when using bulimia was how much I would hide any trace and I fooled many people into believing I was ok.
I know now though that people closest to me felt something was not right but didn’t know how to approach it. Sharing our stories like this is so powerful because it shows another way, that holds a person with the understanding of who they truly are and looks deeper into why they are choosing bulimia and what it is covering up. So much out there that I’ve read makes the person wrong or damaged which adds to that feeling of not being enough and stopping expressing that even more.
I feel why there is such a huge percentage of relapse in eating disorders is because we are not getting to the root of the issue.
Why you and I have been able to heal from our eating disorders is because we were willing to look at what was really going on: our lack of self love and lack of acceptance, seeing this as the real issue led us to make more self loving choices . When you have love in your body you do not want to abuse yourself with an eating disorder.
So true Mary-Louise, and what I’ve also discovered is it is how I move my body throughout my day, how I speak, walk, sleep and eat, all affect how I feel about myself and live. If I sit in a way that goes against how I naturally would sit because I’m busy and just need to get the job done, then what comes next is more of the same abuse. It’s looking at all the ways we allow abuse even in the subtlest of ways. And by looking at it, this in itself is healing because we know we are so much more than any form of abuse.
Very true Aimee. I would say that any from of abuse shows that there is still energy of not feeling good enough and NOT feeling who we truly. Because if we would feel that on a constant basis, feel the love that are, how can you be abusive towards yourself?
Thank you Aimee, I only had a scrape with an eating disorder so it is so good to get a better understanding of how it is when the feelings get out of control and escalate to become a perceived solution.
Yes Aimee the self worth issues that seed this pattern of behaviour we call Bulimia seem to always be present to take us down a path of self harm. I experienced the desire to numb the suffocating feeling of being rejected and feeling low self worth at the onset of my time with bulimia. The emptiness I felt of not being enough when my boyfriend dumped me for another women was the trigger to give up on feeling and instead reach for the food to numb.
Since committing to the loving technique’s presented by Serge Benhayon I have developed a greater love and appreciation for my body and my inner world. I no longer feel overwhelmed by the emptiness or self loathing for I know now how to connect back to myself and God, should these emotions come up to play with me.
The desire to numb and purge has been replaced with love and connection and I am loving who I am.
Trying to escape from our emptiness by distracting with Bulimia is one of the huge traps we fall into
It is extraordinary what we are capable of doing to ourselves to not feel what we think is too painful to deal with, and yet in the process end up causing ourselves more harm. The inspiration that people have received from Universal Medicine is incredible and the healing they have chosen through self-loving choices is, like your story, remarkable.
So true Samantha… the harm caused by our avoidance methods are far more damaging than actually dealing with what has hurt us. In this sense it makes no sense, as when we do finally face these things, they are never as bad as we think they’ll be… it begs the question whether there’s something deeper we avoid feeling, not just the pain of what has occurred in the past? Perhaps it is our irresponsibility that is our greater avoidance, and any amount of pain is sometimes better than feeling that.
The power of walking the talk….”The difference with this, relative to all the other therapies I had tried, was that Serge Benhayon was presenting another way of being, based on his own livingness, a self-caring, self-loving way of living, all presented in a gentle non-imposing way.” I agree, I was never inserted in alternative health, complimentary heath or conventional health, bucks I was mistrustful of it, I would walk into the GP’s or massage therapists and see stressed, or over weight people and I would make judgements about them and feel the hypocrisy that lies below their roles in society. I have grown to be more understanding of peoples choices and I have grown to be more committed to my own health and well being and this is due to me saying yes I am going to commit and also the wonderful consistent inspiration of Serge Benhayon living what he shares with the world.
Exactly Eva-Maria, it would be a completely different story if from when we were born we were encouraged to appreciate our values and know who we are. Fortunately though, we can choose this at anytime even if we have not had anyone or anything around us showing we are all precious.
Big blog, Aimee! I appreciate your honesty and it opens so much.
The most things we think about ourselves and how we are, are just a construction emerging from comparison and judging ourselves. It`s so sad how this affects our self worth and how devastating that can be.
If we would look at our true values and really see and appreciate them, nobody in this world would have a lack of self worth, because we all have amazing qualities. We just don`t focus on them!
Reading your story Aimee, I realised that there are so many ways of disregarding ourselves. I have not had an eating disorder like bulimia yet so much of your story was familiar to me. I have covered up unloving behaviours towards myself, I have done things that I knew were bad for my health yet I consistently did them, I have convinced myself that I was less than everyone else. Not anymore. It has taken some convincing but I now feel how gorgeous and amazing I am. It has taken quite sometime to really come to this. I have made big and small changes but the greatest gift I have been given is the consistent love and regard I am held in by Serge Benhayon and so many others connected to Universal Medicine. Their commitment to themselves and others is awesome and inspiring and I feel that solid connection with myself that lays the foundation for real self love and commitment and that true knowing that comes from deep within.
I started with anorexia when I was about 15, I remember a friend commenting on my weight and because I did not think much of myself any way, the comment got to me and in that moment I got the idea to stop eating all together and so began my journey with anorexia, which led to bulimia a year later. Previous to that day I had been a binge eater on weekends and did not eat during the week and previous to this I had been a calorie counter. Every thing I ate I would write down exactly how many calories was in it. I closely controlled the amount of calories I would eat in a week and kept a daily dairy of every thing I ate. So you can see I was already distracting from and controlling life so as to not feel the pain I was in and the anorexia simply compounded this further.
I can relate Mary-Louise to your story. Controlling and focusing on one thing so not to have any moments to feel anything else, especially any chance to feel the hurt and pain of not expressing who we really are.
I thought I wasn’t expressing but I now see that I was expressing all of the time – how to be hard, disregarding, abusive and totally less than. This has been a big and powerful realisation for me, the level of responsibility we have with what we express by how we move, look, work, play, speak etc.
So true Aimee,
I also at the time took no responsibility for the energy I was bringing into my home. With all the secrecy and care I took not to be noticed ,I was convinced I could be doing no harm to other people around me. When I felt the truth of what energy I had been allowing in to self abuse I could no longer deny the impact bulimia has on a family.
So true Nicole – “When I felt the truth of what energy I had been allowing in to self abuse I could no longer deny the impact bulimia has on a family.” That exposes a lot because in truth we naturally feel to connect with others, yet when using bulimia the energy is so individual and there is such a strong need to withdraw from life and others.
Could it be that there is something with how we are relating to each other that hurts? And if there is truth in this, what would happen if we expressed how we felt? Would this then release from the body and there would not be a need to purge it in other ways?
Thank you for sharing your miracle Aimee. All of our stories are different and yet the themes are consistently similar. I recall a very similar thought coming in to my head after being dumped by my ‘first love’ in the middle of my year 12; I thought ‘instead of feeling this excruciating pain, I am going to focus all of my attention on getting the best grades I could to finish school’ which also included doing weight watchers so that by the time I finished, everything would be looking perfect for me. Unsurprisingly, once I left school and got into all the drinking and partying, I was left in a very bleak place within myself. The lack of self worth issues started around the age of 6 and having no skills to deal with them, it continued to play out in my life, protecting and isolating myself to avoid feeling the original pain of rejecting myself. I can feel the pain in the complicated rituals you describe with laxatives and purging, anything to avoid feeling the real pain. It is such a true gift to know the pathway to healing that we have all so generously been offered by Serge Benhayon, to heal these choices and know that it is possible to begin making loving choices to build a truly loving life.
So true Emma, we all find our own unique way to avoid the pain and emptiness we are in, some use an eating disorder and/or alcohol, drugs etc while others excel in school or sport etc. Does not really matter what we choose to distract with as they all serve the same purpose to numb ourselves from our pain and avoid taking responsibility for the choices we have made and continue to make.
Yes Mary-Louise, and also we can use all these things to make sure we do not express what does not feel right or true in our lives.
I’m understanding more and more how when I don’t express honestly with myself or others, I turn to some form of comfort (food, distraction, technology etc.) to not feel that but once I do express even if it is only to myself that I’m feeling unsure or overwhelmed by something, that drive to numb goes.
I had no I idea you can be bulimic with laxatives and never realised that this disease is a 24 hour obsession. Life must be so different for you now. This blog confirms to me how powerful it is to accept what we feel, no matter what we are feeling..
Life is incredibly different for me now Abby, its almost like it was a dream or another life. This doesn’t mean I don’t have tension and stress or doubt now at times, but that incessant anguish is a distant memory.
Aimee most people never truly heal from an eating disorder they may stop that specific behaviour but because the underlying issues are not dealt with they take up a different behaviour that masks the same pain.
Whereas you have healed the underlying issues so therefor truly healed it in one life, this is so inspiring and why your blog offers healing to others when they read it because you walk your talk.
You have turned your life around so much and it is a true testament to the teachings of Serge Benhayon and universal medicine. It is also a true testament to you and your willingness to listen and learn a different way if being. Absolutle celebration for you Aimee.
Thank you Natasha! And yes there are many many testaments from the support offered by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine teachings and presentations. My life would not be as joyful and full as it is now if I had not had the support and chose to heal this for myself.
This is a very amazing story of transformation Aimee. How many young children and teenagers have these feelings and thoughts of ‘not being good enough’ ? – I would also go as far as saying it is part of growing out of the loveliness of young childhood. But what you share is so relevant for any point in our lives, that it is “not about fixing anything outside of myself, but looking within.” We need to be educated on as we grow up, as your example shows, it could certainly stop the common issues that arise from lack of self worth.
“Breaking the cycle of my bulimia, the self-harm and not feeling good enough and dealing with my underlying self-worth issues, has allowed me to love myself and therefore be able to let others in.”
Wow! What a living miracle and amazing transformation you have gone through Aimee. The later photos are living proof of this. You look radiant and very beauty- full, and in your Glory as a woman.
Thank you Loretta, your comment reminds me that there is so much to appreciate and celebrate when we see through any thing that is self-destructive and harming in any way and make choices that are more in line with the love that we are.
Wow Aimee, you story was just so amazing. To hear how you have claimed what you have for yourself, how you now feel about your body, is truly amazing. It is a testament to you and your dedication to want to heal and also the amazing inspiration that has come from Universal Medicine.
Thanks for sharing this Aimee, a true miracle!
Thanks Aimee for sharing your personal development, you are such an inspiration, how to turn around a life from self-abuse to self-love. Your life is a testimony of what is possible, when somebody like you starts to take responsibility of her or his own choices.
From the hidden intensity of bulimia, to the obvious dysfunction of gross overweight, and everything else in between, our ability to connect with ourselves and to love ourselves is absolutely essential for the ongoing well-being of humanity, and the start of healing of all these facets of disconnection.
Beautifully said Chris “…our ability to connect with ourselves and to love ourselves is absolutely essential for the ongoing well-being of humanity,..” I agree, and when we connect and love ourselves we are then open to connecting and loving others.
“Breaking the cycle of my bulimia, the self-harm and not feeling good enough and dealing with my underlying self-worth issues, has allowed me to love myself and therefore be able to let others in.” This is very inspiring to read Aimee as their are many women who suffer from bulimia. Your story shows that is possible through the support of Universal Medicine to heal our hurts and making self loving choices.
Aimee, thank you for so openly sharing your experience with feelings of not being good enough and trying to cope with bulimia. Through the inspiration of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine you have turned your health and well-being completely around to glow from the true essence and inner-beauty you have reconnected to. What an amazing inspiration for us and everyone around you.
Wow Aimee! What a testament to the healing power of the Universal Medicine modalities and to you – your commitment to living in a different way to truly support yourself. The photos are amazing. I love seeing your presence and stillness after Universal Medicine, but what I also noticed was your eyes – smiling from the inside out.
What you have expressed here Aimee is very important. Especially that when you were a kid you did not have any problems with your body. None. Then when life started to get more intense and hurts came up there were suddenly thoughts of having problems with your body and food. It is actually an illness to think about yourself that you are not beautiful. It is for sure causing us to feel less good so why not call it an illness? Would we ever say to a child you are not beautiful? Would we let a child think that about themselves? It is interesting that it is actually very accepted in society for us to think about ourselves as not beautiful and that there is always something wrong with us. I find this very revealing that it is just something we accept. Where could we go when we collectively would not accept this lack of love for ourselves anymore? A question worth pondering on!
Love the questions you have asked here Lieke and it’s questions like these that will start to dissect and see what is truly going on with the epidemic of not being good enough or seeing ourselves as less in society. It is more accepted or even expected in society for anyone – girl, boy, man or woman – to say things like “I hate this part of my body” or “If only my hair or face or stomach or thighs didn’t look like this”. It’s like you are not even allowed to whisper that you feel or are beautiful. And if you do you are accused of being ‘up your self’. It’s up to all of us not to accept this from each other and talk in a way that claims who we truly are.
A few weeks ago we held a group with 14 year olds at a local school to talk about body image. Every young girl in the class had an issue with a part of their body if not most of their body. When we asked them what they appreciated about themselves at first they found this difficult to articulate, then when we asked them what they appreciated about their friend, they found that a lot easier. The friend was blown out about what the other appreciated about their body and this supported them to begin to look at themselves differently, not through critical eyes. it was very healing for all the girls.
What a deeply powerful and healing activity Mary-Louise, a beautiful seed of appreciation for each young lady to take away with her and feel for herself.
Yes Aimee it was a gift for each girl to take home. The exercise we did with these young girls, encouraging them to express what they appreciate about themselves and the other needs to be taught in the schools as a natural way of relating with each other instead of the bullying and criticism which they are used to. Imagine if at the beginning of each school day this exercise was a part of the morning assembly how inspired would the girls feel? I know when I start my day with appreciating me just for being me it supports my day.
Mary-Louise Myers that’s such a gift for these young women to get a glimpse of themselves with the words of appreciation they received from their peers. It’s not often we get a true reflection without it being about our achievements or the clothes we are wearing, this helps us to build a clearer understanding of ourselves which builds a foundation of connection to our natural essence, this is often blurred from our own vision.
The power of this personal story is grand Aimee and offers true support and inspiration to others not just who have had eating disorders, but for all of us who seek to bury our feelings with any activity that numbs us or gives us a feeling of control.
Yes great point Sarah
Aimee thank you for so openly sharing your journey with us, an amazing transformation. I remember attending my first Heart Chakra presentation when I realised that I had the answers all along, I wondered how I had never realised that my self, to then understand that the world around us is set up in such a way to have self doubt, lack self worth and confidence. However when we reconnect back to ourselves, we are able to stand up tall, confident full of self worth and trust our own knowingness without any doubt.
“I now know that I am the amazing, beautiful and precious woman that I have always been but had lost sight of. And that true beauty comes from within.” This is the key, and made so obvious by your story Aimee. Universal Medicine teaches us the way to release ourselves from this debilitating condition. Your photos are very interesting, in the early ones I can see and feel what a beautiful woman you are but hiding away inside yourself, and in the post meeting Universal Medicine photos you are expressing your beauty from inside and living all of it in life.
Wow – you are a living inspiration Aimee. How many women and men out there struggle with issues of lack of Self-worth, Self-Loathing and eating disorders of various forms and suffer in silence?
To be able to address the root cause of an eating disorder rather than apply a short-lived bandaid to appease family members and friends is True Power – the teachings of Universal Medicine are revolutionary and will change everything in terms of how we approach illness and disease for the results are nothing short of phenomenal – miracle after miracle and yet as you so powerfully describe – Universal Medicine present very simple and practical steps back to ourselves – to learn to love, honour and nurture ourselves.
Definitely a miracle, you had tried all sorts of therapies, and only worked for a little while, going back even to a deeper version of self loathing, until you met Serge and Universal Medicine. One needs to ask: what is it different in Universal medicine? why there is not only your almost incredible story of finally after years of living in control and hurt you come out of the darkness and you obviously (as seen in the pictures) shine like a beautiful radiant still woman? The many stories like yours are a testament that needs to be known. The reconnection to the soul and all the love that it brings into all the cells of your body. Thank you for your choices, thank you for sharing and showing the world that it is possible.
Wow Aimee this is amazing to see and read what a miracle to share of your loving choices after meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. The truth they bring to the world as to the real cause of illness and disease and meanings to suffering misery and emptiness. Thank you for sharing this and your beautiful photographs for all to see and feel the real you and the inspiration for us all to love and care for ourselves foremost and hence everyone as a result.
Indeed Tricia, thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine we are able to find the root causes of the diseases humanity is suffering from. By allowing love into our lives everything we have let in to cover up the absence of love in the years we lived a loveless life, will show up and become clear to us. When we in this way heal our diseases they will be truly healed and by us showing that to the world we are providing other people the opportunity to make the same choices as we have made, presenting a different way of living where illnesses and diseases will be less common than at this moment of time.
What you show to the world with this blog Aimee is a true healing. How many men and women have fallen for the trick to create a version of themselves that is better, best and most loved, just to keep people far away from the tender and delicate person that you truly are so that they cannot hurt you? You found a way to numb yourself from the deep hurt that this hiding or separating from the true you causes. You went in to an eating disorder, others do drugs, alcohol, cut themselves etc. etc. There is no difference because all these “techniques” are acted out to focus on something else instead of feeling the real hurt. Thank you for this honest sharing.
Yes I agree with you Diana escaping into drugs, alcohol, an eating disorder or cutting etc is all one and the same distraction to not feel the hurt and pain we are actually in. I know this because I would go from one distraction to the next and never deal with the underlying issues until I came to Universal Medicine. I then realised that I needed to connect to my body, stop blaming every one else for my miserable life, feel and take responsibility for my hurts and my lack of worth, accept myself and re-connect back to the love I am. My dependancy on all my vices were healed through these simple steps.
It is really inspiring to return to this blog, and re-connect to what is one of the most common and damaging issues for women – lack of self worth. I love, Aimee, how you started to heal by simply creating space for yourself to be able to make more loving choices over time. This feels possible for all of us, no matter how we have been living up to that point. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.
It amazes me how we can go to great lengths to abuse our bodies, all because of the deep hurts we carry in our bodies. When we begin to understand this, then we can begin to heal our bodies and miracles happen.
Caroline, it is incredible the many lengths we can go to, to abuse, contort and completely change ourselves to not feel our hurts, but another major part I have realised is how we can do all of this to have issues and be less than to avoid jealousy coming towards us. While I was abusing myself I wasn’t allowing anyone to truly see the woman I am and definitely wasn’t rocking anyone’s boat around me. This is something I’m understanding and uncovering more and more.
Aimee – I love what you say here- “I now know that I am the amazing, beautiful and precious woman that I have always been,” – this is who I met in the UK this year and it is awesome to read your story and meet this lovely you. Thank you for sharing it all and bringing all of you to the world now.
Aimee, it’s so beautiful just to come back to your photographs. Your childhood ones are simply divine and your recent one at the top of the article blows me away by your lightness and vibrancy. A true transformation from the teenage and later years. These are an amazing testimonial for the presentations and teachings of Universal Medicine. No one can photoshop the changes to that extent and no other evidence is needed to prove the quality and integrity of what is shared by Serge Benhayon.
Yes so true Rachel, there are so many amazing testimonials including mine that clearly show the loving changes people have chosen just by looking at a photo. They blow me away!
I agree Rachel. These photos say it all. From a woman looking withdrawn from life, to a claimed, confident and powerful woman who knows herself from the inside out and her eyes emanate this joy that comes from within. It is absolutely a testament to Universal Medicine and the power of our choices.