By the time I got to my first esoteric session I was completely worn out. I had a 2yr old son that I had chosen to do attachment parenting with; I was still breastfeeding, believing that this was the best way to parent. I was married to a man that worked around the clock, leaving me to the child rearing and housework. I worked very hard to be the best housewife ‘by the book’ and took my wifely duties very seriously. I based my self-worth on how my house looked, how good dinner tasted, and how cared for in the temporal sense my family was.
It was a constant cycle of exhaustion and loneliness, one that I was to discover was of my very own making.
I sat in my car one day and could not stop crying: for the first time in my life I was ready to ask for support and not keep trying to do it on my own. I made a phone call to a suggested ‘counsellor’ and made a booking.
I came into my first Esoteric Massage (and there were many with this particular practitioner) feeling very shy and unsure of what to disclose. From the very first session this practitioner showed no judgement, only a holding of love that I had never felt before.
My common theme throughout my many sessions was on my relationship with my husband. For me it was about pointing out all the things I found hard about the relationship – things he was doing that I was finding challenging. The practitioner in her incredible way always brought it back to me and my responsibility in the relationship. Throughout the sessions I was to discover an emptiness that dwelled within which had nothing to do with my husband but everything to do with me and my commitment to true love, life and truth.
She also had an amazing way to gently guide me to where the true issue lies, and from this point helped peel back the many layers that I had placed on top.
Never once with my many complaints about my husband did she suggest I should leave the relationship, she only ever guided me to go deeper in love for myself and take responsibility for the part I played in the relationship. This was done by showing me where true responsibility begins.
There was a definite pattern in my sessions and that was one of building more love for me. My practitioner offered space for me to feel that I could love myself first and from this point I would know my next move.
I would leave the session with much to consider, which opened up a whole new way of viewing life. I started to view life from inside me first, instead of my usual outside first. Seeing that what was happening within was affecting what was happening on the outer, I started to question why I allowed certain actions from others and discovered how much I didn’t honour myself as much as I honoured other people.
Another revelation came that I was living as ‘the perfect martyr,’ making myself busy, caring for others with no time left for me. I was basing my actions on what I perceived others wanted from me instead of allowing my actions to come from me. My very worth was based on what I perceived another thought of me. By choosing to live this way I conveniently had no self-love for me and could avoid the depth of my sadness.
Once this revelation was felt, I began to see that it was I who was putting the pressure on myself to be the perfect martyr, not my husband (which I had blamed him for). I see now how I was using this pressure to make my life seem a lot harder than it was. You could say I always viewed life with the ‘grass being greener on the other side.’ Discovering the game of martyr opened up the possibility that all along it was me who was creating my so-called many issues and that it was me who could walk out of them.
With this new acceptance that it was me who held the key to my own self-created prison, I entered a major turning point in my life. Now I am continuously discovering ways to keep the doors unlocked, and if one is locked, I know the key lies within me.
By Anonymous
Further Reading:
What is a Relationship with Myself?
Dishonouring Choices, Self-Worth and Their Impact on Everyday Life
Relationship Ripples
There are lots of wise observations here and the honesty you have expressed with is such a healing to read and reflect upon for my own life. Your final words about the key to heal ourselves is always within is really a statement of true self empowerment, and highlights how blame or placing responsibility onto others is a way we disempower ourselves so we don’t activate the needed healing or change. When that happens we are stuck in a repeating cycle. When we make the changes and stop waiting for the world to change around us we are empowering ourselves and experiencing true responsibility.
It is a wonderfull thing when we are able to see more clearly how we are living that is not supporting us including ideals, beliefs and patterns we are holding onto. Equally it is wonderfull when we completely let go of these and start to deeply cherish ourselves and others allowing ourselves to be who we truly are. What I would like to add here is that is it near impossible, or is impossible, to do this on our own, always a reflection is needed from another so we can clearly see the way and it sounds like your practitioner was a beautifull and true support with this.
Eliminating finger pointing, blaming, comparison and jealousy all take the “I” out of the equation and places us on the self illuminating path of our Soul.
Beautifully expressed Greg ✨
“all along it was me who was creating my so-called many issues and that it was me who could walk out of them.” A beautiful freedom to be who you are with the magic of self-love.
This is so beautiful to read, so inspiring too. Recently I’ve been willing to acknowledge and uncover more layers of being unwilling to go there, to love myself deeply and accept the pictures I’d bought into that said this will bring fulfilment, are all lies.
I’d blamed others for my emptiness when I knew love all along. Even though it wasn’t reflected back by those around me, it is now and it’s a wonderful journey returning to living this love and realising it was always there. Sure, it can be painful at times feeling what I’d walked away from, but I can’t stay in what wasn’t love and returning feels amazing, beyond any hopes that were fed by the pictures I’d believed in.
Karin, I understand exactly what you are saying because for years I blamed other people convinced I was the victim of life, when actually I had set myself up to fail so that I could further cement my wretchedness to myself. I discovered this is a complete set up for another wasted life because I could not admit I was the one who had walked away from the love of God.
What a combination of perceptions and they all seem to fit into the judge-ment range of ideals and beliefs we carry around that can wear us out, the same as any baggage, as anything less than our innate essences will be burdensome.
Bringing the responsibility for my life back to myself feels very liberating and inspiring as I don’t have to wait around for another to change things. There’s no-one to blame (including myself) and get sucked into that spiral. I just have to choose to act on my responsibility.
It’s such a common perception that we will be loved and accepted for what we do for others, and when it doesn’t come back that way we can feel very hurt or blaming. Life is much simpler when we take care of loving ourselves first and then share that love with others. It’s something I’m still working on and breaking down, sometimes the pictures and expectations are so strong that love will come back to me that it feels like I’ve been hooked into believing something that is akin to an illusion.
It’s amazing that you had a practitioner who showed you lovingly all the choices you made. I can relate to a lot you have stated about yourself. Taking “Responsibility” to another level and letting go of doing it “Right and Alone”. You turned it all around, bit by bit and it’s a constant process. Inspiring..
gorgeous pondering, Gill. Learning and growing without going into blame of others or even ourselves is the true observation
“Another revelation came that I was living as ‘the perfect martyr,’ making myself busy, caring for others with no time left for me. ” I recognise this one too – especially in my days of mothering young children. Is this a particularly female trait i wonder?
I am just wondering how many of us base our self worth on what we do or what we look like rather than who we truly are? ‘I based my self-worth on how my house looked’. This is an inspiring blog to read, in fact an inspiring website to read https://www.womeninlivingness.com/single-post/Embracing-Self-Worth ?
‘It was a constant cycle of exhaustion and loneliness’ this just goes to show how ticking boxes does not work! Learning instead to come back to love from within and connection to the truth of who we are is the only true way forward ✨
We have I’m sure all felt that if only someone or something would change the world would right its self we would be okay. Not many of us are prepared or may be even consider that the life we lead is of our own making I know so many people who feel they are a victim of life and circumstances beyond their control. I know from my own experience that when we are ready to admit that actually we have stuffed up we are not a victim of life this is the baby steps to healing the hurts that we carry that then burden us with these beliefs and ideals.
It’s so easy to blame our circumstances, yet we made the choices that led us to this state. I use to have the ‘if only’ trait, yet when and if that occurred I still didn’t feel complete. Such a huge contrast to today, dealing with my hurts, and now feeling so appreciative of my life and feel very blessed – after so many years of ‘striving and trying’ – which brought me nothing.
‘I sat in my car one day and could not stop crying: for the first time in my life I was ready to ask for support and not keep trying to do it on my own.’ It’s sad that we have to reach such a point in our lives to finally be able and willing to ask for support. I can really relate with what you have shared here although feel I am getting a lot better at this the more I love and care for me.
‘Discovering the game of martyr opened up the possibility that all along it was me who was creating my so-called many issues and that it was me who could walk out of them.’ I can often pretend the mess I’ve created is too great for me to walk out of. Reading this I realise actually self-love is the key and it doesn’t matter how it looks if I’ve learned the lessons.
Yes, a strong foundation of love for ourselves is a necessary prerequisite for all other relationships in our lives.
How great that you had such an amazing practitioner, we need more practitioners like this, ‘she only ever guided me to go deeper in love for myself and take responsibility for the part I played in the relationship. This was done by showing me where true responsibility begins.’
Every relationship has amazing possibilities whether it is with a lover, a family member or stranger if we ourselves are love, then the possibilities are endless
Through building a relationship with ourselves we learn our worth, we learn to trust ourselves and know that we are not bad people or horrible beings just for making mistakes or choices which may be unloving – building a strong relationship with ourselves allows us to see these things, understand why we do them and move on with grace, empowerment and a lack of judgement.
The love we have for ourselves is what we take out into the world and vice versa.
The words are thrown around endlessly, we preach about self love, self respect and the likes. I have had conversations with people who inspire me beyond imaginable about the importance of valuing ourselves, but until we connect to that ourselves, until we feel it running in the nucleus of our cells, we cannot imagine let alone comprehend the enormous impact of true self-worth.
Wow Viktoria, yes nucleus of our every cell brings about transformation of our whole body hence the body we belong to, universe
It is so common if we are not first full with love from our relationship with ourself to point the finger and blame another for how we feel. It may not always be easy (although it should be!) to ask for support and be willing to look within and at our life and how we are living but as you show here when we start to do this, in other words take responsibility for our life and actions, then it definitely does pay to do so.
Thank you Anonymous this phrase ‘it was I who was putting the pressure on myself to be the perfect martyr,’ rang a deeper chord in me today and I can see how this has been lurking under the surface and allowing for confusion to reign in my life. This is inextricably linked with the feeling of lack of self worth and the reaching for food in order to dull this awareness.
Making the commitment to “building a relationship with myself” would have to be the greatest gift I have ever given to myself. This is the paramount relationship in all our lives, as how can we build relationships with others if we are not living in harmony with, and love for, ourselves. I love how this relationship is a beautiful work in progress, always deepening and always expanding, and with it my foundation for life becomes stronger and steadier by the day.
I love the simplicity of my relationship with myself, it’s just me and what is inside me, no complications, no arguments needed just to come inside and feel the stillness of this love.
Yep, and then we can move in that quality to express the relationship we have inside in life as a whole.
If we can be lonely in a relationship, clearly there has to be more to the investments we make and ideals we feed that finding that perfect partner will make life all rosy. It makes sense, that all relationships have to start with the one with ourselves first and from there every other relationship can flourish. We really do need to be shown this from little.
Amazing just how much we can let go and express ourselves when no judgement is present – perhaps when we do not feel judged by someone else we also let go of the judgement we have of ourselves.
So many times I saw my mother wanting to be perfect in every way, getting up at 3am and going to bed after 10pm wanting to be on the top of everything, when things could have been dealt with differently.
The building of love is a commitment to self and a necessary commitment in our unfolding. Building love builds confidence to build more love in the body and the cycle continues, a deepening of the love that we are.
I love the photo that goes with this article, the woman in the picture feels full of love and joy. Very beautiful and inspiring to see.
Anonymous, this is really interesting; ‘ I started to view life from inside me first, instead of my usual outside first. Seeing that what was happening within was affecting what was happening on the outer.’ What this makes me realise is that trying to fix the outer and those around us does not work, because the outer is a reflection of what is happening on the inside. So working on ourselves and our inner world is key and this then affects everything else.
‘…she only ever guided me to go deeper in love for myself and take responsibility for the part I played in the relationship.’ This is the ultimate form of responsibility, isn’t it? We need to learn this form young rather than stepping into the blame game.
The relationship I have with myself is the basis of all things. From that I can have a
Deeply loving relationship
With my family
The relationship we have with ourselves is what we bring to all relationships, from so deepening that means enriching all our relationships.
“Building a Relationship with Myself” – based on and deepened in love this is the best gift we can give ourselves and those around us.
There is not limit to this and the greatest gift that keeps on giving time and time again.
It is the best gift we can give ourselves, and a gift that brings us back to the gloriousness of who we are – now THAT is a gift that keeps on giving 🙂
‘This was done by showing me where true responsibility begins.’ Learning that true responsibility begins with self is most certainly the key to unlocking the doors within. The domino effect that then begins to take place as a result is a more wondrous gift than could ever be found behind door number 1, door number 2 or door number 3. No other deal could ever replace the magic of opening the doors within.
‘With this new acceptance that it was me who held the key to my own self-created prison, I entered a major turning point in my life.’ This is huge. We like to blame others and justify our hurts because it’s easier than seeing where we have contributed to the mess and, in fact, in the vast majority of cases where we have been the instigator of it.
“It was a constant cycle of exhaustion and loneliness, one that I was to discover was of my very own making.” when we embrace our responsibility in life we soon appreciate that things need to change from us first if we want change in our lives.
It is very telling when we are looking outwardly and finding someone to blame for why the way we are. Until I could feel and understand this with the support of Universal Medicine and the healing modalities I could actually feel how much I was avoiding being with myself and taking responsibility for the choices I made. Bit of moment to stop and go wow lets flip that round and bring it back to me. Now what ever the situation there is always something there for me to learn about myself and be willing to see the truth.
It is very telling when we are looking outwardly and finding someone to blame for why the way we are. Until I could feel and understand this with the support of Universal Medicine and the healing modalities I could actually feel how much I was avoiding being with myself and taking responsibility for the choices I made. Bit of a moment to stop and go wow lets flip that round and bring it back to me. Now what ever the situation there is always something there for me to learn about myself and be willing to see the truth.
‘Discovering the game of martyr opened up the possibility that all along it was me who was creating my so-called many issues and that it was me who could walk out of them.” What a life-changing discovery this was for you as it was for me. I know the martyr so well, the victim, who blames everyone else but struggles to acknowledge their responsibility in relationships. But how amazingly life can change when we own that responsibility and begin to live it.
It makes sense that our most fundamental and important relationship we have, is the one with ourselves first. From this the quality of all our interactions with others will follow.
Moving or walking in our essences changes the way we perceive all of life so we can through our observations develop a deeper awareness and that shines a light on our responsibilities.
“By the time I got to my first esoteric session I was completely worn out. I had a 2yr old son that I had chosen to do attachment parenting with; I was still breastfeeding, believing that this was the best way to parent” – The best thing about Esoteric Yoga is that it teaches you how to parent yourself from your own realisations that you receive from your body and from this develop a relationship that truly supports it and you.
Many of us do feel an emptiness inside, and try alll sorts of ways to fill it, food, blame, all sorts of distractions and yet it is impossible to feel full unless we make it about our relationship with ourselves and heal what we have developed as hurts.
It’s great you mentioned that acceptance is key as it often the fact that we created our own situation that is the hardes to accept and we avoid feeling it in any way. Even though it is the only way out of our situation.
“Building a Relationship with Myself” – I understood what relationship with myself was when I understood what the quality of stillness was, and how this quality supports in me feeling steady and honest about myself, in relationships and in life too.
When you read an article like this it is clear that it makes no sense to do anything but build a relationship with ourselves and our bodies. We neglect a true relationship with ourselves and so doing we miss on the true gold in life. Love is from within not given and taken, we live, we know it, and thus starts from our body.
It’s interesting how when we are disgruntled with ourselves we can easily look outside and blame others without realising that it’s not them it’s us.
It can happen so quickly, true empowerment is self responsibility, when we look outside to fix, blame get attention we are puppets to our emotions and will be at the mercy of them. Self responsibility makes space for us to serve, learn, heal and grow. No need or waiting of others, we can change if we chose it.
We get so busy doing nothing so we don’t have to feel. This means the gorgeous essence of our heart gets hidden in the dark.
That is one the of the most loving things we can do is keep bring it back to ourselves and reflecting our responsibility in what ever the situation. The honesty that is required for this is very deep and we can’t get to that unless we are willing to truly care and nurture ourselves.
How extremely fortunate that your first practitioner/counsellor was someone who understood the energetic flow and consequences of life and our decisions
We make life about blaming other people, when in truth the real responsibility for the whole thing lies with us. The cool part though is in returning our focus back to our being, we also stop the constant distraction away from giving ourselves Love.
Blame is a big issue, we can direct our emotions on to others, while not realising how harmful it is, where it is said to someone’s face or, or just stewed in for years and it so disempowering for ourselves.
“Building a relationship” – it can be any old relationship to settle (less) for, or it can be a relationship which has a quality to it where settling is never an option due to the evolution that it inspires.
The confirmation of who we are will never be found in what we do or in the world as everything we already are is known through our connection to our essence, the love we are, our Soulful light.
Indeed seeking validation of our worth to the degree that we care for others can be exhausting. On the other hand when we care equally for ourselves then there is no draining effort in caring for others.
Building a relationship with ourselves simply goes on and on, because as something changes in our lives, we have new things to work on. And there is so much changing all the time, it is an endless and so very rewarding process to love ourselves more deeply.
Yes beautifully said Gill – the unfolding, embodying and reflection of our love through the lives we live is a constant inspiration to continue to deepen.
To build and build is the joy of every relationships, no limits but the exquisite deepening that is on offer for all to appreciate.
It seems that we can often get stuck in a way of thinking that puts the blame onto other people and then leaves us in this powerless state waiting for someone else to change, with nowhere to go. What I have come to realise is that if I do have a problem with someone it’s far less painful if I ask what this is showing me and where is my responsibility. By asking myself those sorts of questions it changes the intensity of the thoughts and the strong resentment that would be directed at someone else, which never feels great. Then eventually it will come to me what it is that I need to learn from and then I feel lighter as the intensity lifts.
Building a self-loving relationship with myself is the best gift I’ve given myself for what the unwrapping brings and continues to bring – deepening love, and a truer love to share.
To quote Leonardo da Vinci “One can have no smaller or greater mastery than mastery of oneself.”
To show the value and might of responsibility is to take health and wellbeing into our own hands.
A huge smile came across my face when I read this – “Now I am continuously discovering ways to keep the doors unlocked, and if one is locked, I know the key lies within me.” What a life journey to be on, knowing that whatever comes your way (self-generated or not), we have the answers (with the key) within us all the time.
There is a form of selflessness that gains a lot of praise, although I have found this form to be somewhat lacking in ones own of self-care.
If there’s any semblance of blame you know you are off and usually it’s because you haven’t been looking after yourself.
We worship sport yet the biggest game we ignore is the idea that we are what we do. If we subscribe to this we can’t help but get played.
Quite a few years ago, I had a huge light bulb moment when pondering on the relationships I had been in over the years, relationships that I considered, had failed. I could see so clearly that I had blamed my partners for many of the problems we encountered and hadn’t honestly looked at my part. The moment when I acknowledged that in all the relationships I was the common denominator, was the moment I realised I did not know how to have a relationship with myself, and from that knowing began the most wonderful journey to get to know me.
The sessions from esoteric healing practitioners offer so much more than just counselling. I can feel how so much comes up for me leading up to a session to be discussed and released and then from the point I can feel I am open to so much more of myself and taking this into my next steps in life.
I truly love the fact that there is so much love available when we begin to deeply care for ourselves in every way in life.
These levels of love are offering others the reflection to feel the same and with this comes the responsibility to live the true self that is on offer to all.
Agreed Carmen, I grew up thinking I had to be loved by someone else and yet now I realise that its about being love myself that is key.
Unlocking the door to sadness opens the door to harmony and what a blessing it is to feel harmony within our bodies.
“I based my self-worth on how my house looked, how good dinner tasted, and how cared for in the temporal sense my family was”. Reading this sentence, you can feel the recipe for disaster that many of us women find ourselves in. Feeling worthy through things you do, which may receive little appreciation, sets you up to feel not enough, to strive to do more and also feel resentment that you are not being valued.
Sometimes we just need an honest reflection to see where we are. This sharing is really beautiful and shows how we can very easily turn things around by being honest and taking responsibility for our actions.
The impact of having un-dealt hurts and sadness is the perfect excuse not go deeper in caring and loving ourselves to the fullness we deserve and are worth.
Taking responsibility for our part in any relationship seems key for it working. If we stay in judgement and blame, we definitely don’t resolve problems and keep things at a very sticky level.
So very true Rachel. “Judgement and blame” simply create even bigger walls between us. And even if we don’t voice them out loud the other person can still feel the impact in their body, as we too feel it in ours. The key ingredient to any relationship is to take responsibility for any hurts or issues we bring into it and to not drag the other person into what we have chosen not to heal.
This is beautiful, and I have heard Serge Benhayon present on many occasions, about how we each hold the key to our own healing.
Often we feel trapped in situations but rarely consider that we have the keys to making the necessary changes needed for any situation.
“Building a Relationship with Myself” – as I’ve been exploring encompasses two things: building a relationship with my body, rhythm and life as well as also building a relationship with the universe and its natural cycles. When we build a relationship with earth [people] and heaven [stars] together it feels amazing.
I love the picture that goes with this blog, the simple act of being our loving friend to our body is the greatest self care one can activate.
I love it when we get to a point where we stop pointing the finger of blame at others and accept where we are at is how we have made it and the only way back is through self-love. Esoteric practitioners have such an amazing way of bringing this out in us.
We can use any regular event, such as a session with a counsellor or therapist but equally so a particular lesson at school, meeting a specific person or small activity like get ready as a ‘check in’ for how we are and marker of how our life is being lived. How do we feel in ourself each time it comes around?
As teenagers many of us believe that the rebelliousness and aloofness or whatever we’re using to cope with what is going on in our homes and schools and in the community, is who we are. We can hold onto that image of ourselves for dear life and defend it with such might. It takes ourselves or someone who loves us to see through the protection to who we truly are inside, to see that we have created an illusion from our hurts and then we can start to uncover or re-connect to who we really are.
So many would relate to this, “Another revelation came that I was living as ‘the perfect martyr,’ making myself busy, caring for others with no time left for me.”, I sure can. I played the martyr because so many around me lived that as well and it was a way of relating. Like, to be a wife and Mother this is how it’s done, and you always need to have issues with your partner, someone to blame and something to make the whole process that much harder. Seeing that we create this and looking at why is such a healing and blessing for everyone.
I love the simplicity of this blog and it also reminds me to slow down and take the pressure off. I have had such hidden yet great expectations of myself that I have often reacted to. Time to come back to feeling my way from the inside out and stay with me every step of the way….let go of trying, even on the most subtle level of being anything else but who I am in essence.
The true key to healing is the key that lies within where also resides the lock for the key. “Now I am continuously discovering ways to keep the doors unlocked, and if one is locked, I know the key lies within me.”
Anonymous, I love your honesty with this; ‘Discovering the game of martyr opened up the possibility that all along it was me who was creating my so-called many issues and that it was me who could walk out of them.’ This feels very empowering.
This is so powerful. Taking back responsibility is the most empowering step we can take in our lives, the heavens celebrate with us.
The impact of lacking self-worth is devastating and infiltrates everything in our lives. We come to the world needy and this is a total set up for dysfunction. Building self worth from the inside out is with a lifetime’s attention if that is what it takes…
“Another revelation came that I was living as ‘the perfect martyr,’ making myself busy, caring for others with no time left for me” – yes, it’s amazing what we carry in life as our trophy, leaving the true trophy [love] on the shelf accumulating thick amounts of dust.
It is crazy as women how we make ourselves less and struggle to fit into all these pictures and beliefs that are impossible to meet. No wonder exhaustion and anxiety is on the increase, as we are constantly working against ourselves and ignoring the signals our body is telling us. Building a foundation of love is simple and yet very powerful as it offers us a true way forward that brings more quality and richness to ourselves, relationships, workplace, community and family.
We get busy doing other things we have no need to do, numbing out our feeelings as if to say ‘sorry evolution I have no time for you – could you come back another lifetime?’. This overwhelm is comforting though on the surface seems very stressful.
When I’m busy too busy the first thing that goes is the decency of human relationships (because we have first let go of our relationship with evolution) and this is not something I would like to choose to forgo. So busyness is something I have to look at ever so often to not compromise the space to be myself with others.
That is very true. This is how we can play life miserable or glamourous on top, whilst we actually dwell in the lack of evolution. For us to start choosing to be honest and evolve.
The relationship we have with ourselves is the foundation we have for all other relationships going forward. It is such an important area of development for us to continue to develop and grow with. Practitioners can absolutely support us to appreciate and feel the depth of our own intimate relationships.
What I am discovering is that for most of us we are empty of love for ourselves and in this emptiness we look outside of ourselves to fill our emptiness. This is a huge illusion that we have all allowed ourselves to be distracted by. A big lesson I have learnt in life is that if I do not love myself then I cannot love another. I was told this years ago and didn’t believe it at the time but I now feel this as a truth in my body. At first it was hugely uncomfortable to feel this void within myself, it was something I had obviously been avoiding for lifetimes. Now it’s in my face as if where I’m feeling my emptiness its becoming my best friend because if I can feel my emptiness then I need to work at deepening my self love and then discovering what that means and applying it.
Whatever happens to us in our life everything flows from our relationship with ourself. Nothing can substitute this in any way.
Now what if that was the teaching that all children grew up feeling and living with as part of their everyday. What a difference our society would be in. Lets make that difference now a reality.
Knowing to love ourselves first, and from this point we will know our next move, is very inspiring.
When we make love our true foundation then we offer another nothing less in return.
“Now I am continuously discovering ways to keep the doors unlocked, and if one is locked, I know the key lies within me.” How beautifully supportive is this … there is no blame but loving responsibility for our life lived.
‘My practitioner offered space for me to feel that I could love myself first and from this point I would know my next move.’ This is so true as the more we love ourselves the easier it is to honour what is true because anything that is not with love starts to stand out and expose itself to be dealt with.
It is rare to hear someone say this ‘Building a Relationship with Myself’ and some of us may scratch our heads and say how do you do that? For me, I realised if I didn’t build a strong relationship with myself, all my other relationships would be affected. Our society and upbringing tend not to teach us how to build a strong and solid relationship with ourselves, therefore how are we going to achieve this in all our other relationships?
How many of us I wonder are able to ask for help and support, feeling instead that we have to suck life up and get on with it. I know I found it very hard to ask for support feeling I had to be the mother and the father for my child as I had made the decision to leave the relationship. I actually didn’t know how to ask for help incase people thought I couldn’t cope and too be honest at times I found it very hard. When support was offered I found it incredibly difficult to accept. There were so many ideals and beliefs standing in the way.
The woman in the picture above shows beautifully the joy that occurs when we build a loving relationship with ourselves.
Building relationships with ourselves is not a concept that is on our radar. We tend to look to others to fill the gap and therein lies all our relationship problems.
I agree Rachel and this is not on our radar because it is rare to see people develop their relationship the other way around, by starting first with themselves. We often see people doing the opposite and it hasn’t worked but we tend not to question it because we see everyone else doing the same thing.
How many of us live in that martyrdom energy blaming others for the unhappy lives we create for ourselves when we can do just as you have done here anon and turn it all around by being truly honest with ourselves.
Anonymous, this is great; ‘ The practitioner in her incredible way always brought it back to me and my responsibility in the relationship.’ I can feel how so often we blame our parents, husbands, friends for what we see as failings in our relationships, rather than looking at how we are and taking responsibility. I am learning that it feels really empowering and evolving to take responsibility instead of blaming others.
Building a realtionship with ourselves never stops. It is a constant work in progress, and one that needs fine tuning on a daily basis if it to truly flourish and evolve.
I agree with you Sandra and we often leave ourselves til last but really it has to be the other way round for things to truly change. For example, when we deeply love and cherish ourselves it is then very easy to deeply love and cherish others, it is common sense that is not so common at the moment.
That whole martyr energy is quite common amongst women and we think we are so good and right when in it, but really it is a very imposing and controlling form of bullying. So great for us and everyone when we drop that!
It is so true when we go into control we disempower another and harden our own bodies and nobody benefits.
I agree Nicola… it is indeed imposing and controlling to the point of bullying – and self-righteous.
Being a victim is a choice and we can easily unchoose it too. The world will not fall down because of that, but Living without this ideal is a whole new experience.
Love is the answer to everything which is perhaps why we have so thoroughly corrupted the word so we use it to describe all that is not true love.
Whichever way we look at it, nothing can change the simple fact that life is about our relationship with love, nothing more, nothing less. Blame and upset is just a distraction for looking deeper under ‘the hood’.
The more I attend to and deepen my relationship with myself the more I have to offer others and from my experience to date this is a formula that goes on developing.
Yes and getting more and more and more gorgeous 🙂
By the millions of choices that we have made throughout our lives, the only person we have to thank / blame for where we are today is ourselves. Likewise, no position is fixed… good or bad, but is continually sustained by our choice in the next moment. So what do we choose – love or not love?
Amazingly enough the more love and understanding we bring to ourselves, the more love and understanding we can hold another in. It’s a simple formula, but not really in the forefront of our consciousness, but it makes a lot of sense.
What is amazing is that we live any other way than this.
No one is ever responsible for our issues. No matter what has happened to us, how severe or damaging it has been with due respect of course to those who do experience such pain, we always have a part to play in it and only until we realise and fully renounce this can we be truly free of the issue.
“I was to discover an emptiness that dwelled within which had nothing to do with my husband but everything to do with me and my commitment to true love, life and truth.” The beauty of taking responsibility for ourselves and our choices and the power it offers us to make the necessary changes in our lives is magical and transformational and true healing for both ourselves and others.
Actually dealing with any issue we encounter in life is simply by building more love, or by allowing more love in our lives and into our relationships. Only the details this play’s out will differ from person to person.
‘Building more love’, ‘allowing more love’, letting the love we are all made of flow out and be received in… surrendering to this makes so much sense. Life is not meant to be a battle and it is only in resistance to the above that we have made it so.
How can we love another if we cannot love ourselves? To be honest it is impossible, as love is an emanation from the inner heart, and when we do not allow that to ourselves it is just not there. And when you try to love someone form something you do not have from yourself, it will always come with the/your hurt of your inability to love yourself.
In the end it all comes down to the relationship we have with ourselves, as you write. And that we are asked ‘to go deeper in love for myself and take responsibility for the part I played in the relationship’. No more finger pointing to the other(s). It can be a bummer in the beginning, but the great thing is: we have a direct influence on the way the relationship is by going inward, back to ourselves and raising our own ‘standards’ of love for ourselves. That in itself will reflect on the relationships we have with others,
Spot on Caroline – the standards that we accept are what defines what we will allow in our lives and the quality that we will live with.
Relationship with self is the first step, relationship with another is the second step and relationship with the All is the third. However, the first and second steps are not sustainable without bringing in the third.
Our relationships with ourselves and others can never stay still otherwise they die.
When we get to that point in our lives when we realise things are not working and we want to change it is priceless to have someone non judgmental and loving to support us.
“…for the first time in my life I was ready to ask for support and not keep trying to do it on my own” – such a major step for most of us , to admit that we need the loving hand of another to behold us and just simply help in the way we need.
When we come that far that we acknowledge that we need help, this actually is an act of the love that we allow to come into our lives.
“Now I am continuously discovering ways to keep the doors unlocked, and if one is locked, I know the key lies within me.” I love that last part that when we find a locked door, or in other words an issue that seems too big to deal with the key to healing and letting it go lies always within us and never in someone else’s hands.
It can be so healing for us to be held and supported by another in no judgement when we have already felt and judged ourselves for not living up to society’s expectations and standards.
With the support of sitting yoga I am able to really explore the tenderness of my touch and it has been super healing.
“With this new acceptance that it was me who held the key to my own self-created prison, I entered a major turning point in my life” – from understanding, we dissolve our walls of judgment to reveal before us the vast fields of acceptance. There is nothing more beautiful than this.
Discovering our essence and how we can then connect and not get lost in the usual facade of untruths that surround us is such a blessing and is so simple when we understand that we are making the choice to be loving in our every-movement.
Esoteric (meaning innermost) modalities never focus on the ‘other person’ and always bring focus to your relationship with yourself. This is where love and understanding can grow and be built as a solid foundation within ourselves and where changes for life occur. It can happen gradually, and it takes appreciation to see the magnificence of the changes that may seem ordinary.
The beauty of esoteric healing modalities I have found comes from the holding of one in love with no judgement and offering a true listening and allowing of one to express and feel for oneself all that their is to feel allowing true healing to take place and the honouring of our selves and everyone for who we really are and our relationship with oneself as part of this being an essential ingredient.
One of the things I love about the esoteric modalities is that the practitioners are all so inspiring, never have I felt judged or imposed upon, only held in the utmost love and respect.
The more I take time to be with me in a quality that is truly connected and loving alll that I am, I just can’t get enough of me because I have realised how beautiful I really am.
In different circumstances than what you describe, Anonymous, I can very much relate to this comment – ‘It was a constant cycle of exhaustion and loneliness, one that I was to discover was of my very own making.’ Thanks to Universal Medicine, we can identify our self- imprisonments and step out of them to return to the freedom of being in our grandness.
The perfect way to get exhausted and frustrated is this ‘ I was basing my actions on what I perceived others wanted from me instead of allowing my actions to come from me.’ I have lived with this ingrained pattern (or should I say I was addicted to this way of living) too but when I started to apply selflove I could see how I (mis)used it to stay in a comfortable place with no responsibility in it for me to change and to live My life. We do have a choice!
‘With this new acceptance that it was me who held the key to my own self-created prison, I entered a major turning point in my life.’ – it is very beautiful and empowering to feel how you have connected to the wisdom you hold within, Anonymous. With every issue/situation we may encounter where we feel our selves reacting – the first place to explore for answers is within.
‘Never once with my many complaints about my husband did she suggest I should leave the relationship, she only ever guided me to go deeper in love for myself and take responsibility for the part I played in the relationship. This was done by showing me where true responsibility begins.’ – a beautiful confirmation of what true support is. We love to push the blame on another, when the truth is, in every situation we also have a responsibility to bring all of our true selves to the table, if we’re not doing this, it’s for us to explore where and why we are holding ourselves back, without judgment.
It’s liberating to see what we are the creators of our issues but also the one who can move us out of them.
I am learning that to take my relationship with myself to the next level that to ‘have my own back’ will really support me in this. It may seem obvious, but it has been a profound yet simple tool which is allowing me to deepen how much I value myself.
We often recognise that it’s easier to look after others than it is to look after ourselves, yet it is in our relationship with ourselves that allows us to connect and care more deeply for others.
Very true, Rosanna, it’s only been in the last 10 years that I’ve allowed myself to feel the incredible difference when we start truly loving our selves first – how this deepens the quality of love that we are then able to share and receive back from everyone else. It seems so simple and obvious, yet, I was living inside such a tightly constructed fortress, I wasn’t even able to feel the lack of love that I had for myself, and therefore, others also.
Absolutley Rosanna. There is nothing more precious than taking true care of ourselves, as what we then bring to others is a magnification of the deep love we hold ourselves in, which they can then feel as they are then also held in that same depth of love.
How amazing to admit the exhaustion and loneliness, without that honesty the transformation and change of tack could not have happened – and we would have been all the poorer without your choice to bring more of you.
Agreed Gill, as silly as I used to think of it as, the key is that relationship with ourselves. Yet its the one most of us ignore or neglect.
‘Discovering the game of martyr opened up the possibility that all along it was me who was creating my so-called many issues and that it was me who could walk out of them.’ – True self-empowerment comes from realising that we have the power to step out of victim/martyrhood because we were the creators of it in the first place.
‘My very worth was based on what I perceived another thought of me. By choosing to live this way I conveniently had no self-love for me’ – living in this way we do not value ourselves. It keeps us constantly in comparison with others, dismissing who we truly are and what we uniquely bring to the world.
When we start to question how and why we have allowed the actions and behaviours of others in our lives we start to deepen the love for ourselves. We say ‘yes’ to love and ‘no’ to abuse.
‘it was me who was creating my so-called many issues and that it was me who could walk out of them.’ A very empowering realisation and with the support of your practitioner and your commitment to yourself, your ever deepening love for yourself, you entered a major turning point in your life. Thank you for sharing Anonymous, it shows how possible it is to free ourselves from the prison we think we are in.
I’ve often laughed when I voice what I think others want of me to the actual person. Often they weren’t thinking that at all. Even the voicing of such pictures sends it all crashing down as the lie it was all long.
The best dating guide ever is to start with oneself. Now who has considered this for online dating sites!
What a beautiful example of holding oneself in self love in the photo with this article.
When start to realise that it is us who create our own misery we also realise that we also hold the key to choosing something diffident. There is great freedom in this.
Agreed Ariana without it we are lost and with it anything is possible and everything is there for us.
Something needs further revealing ; how we are with ourselves, what we truly allow ourselves to feel and or not feel and how our relationship is with the truth and love that is inside us. How much do we live of this truth and how much do we allow ourselves to come out; letting out who we are and letting see others who we are, equally being able to see them for their essential beingness.
“There was a definite pattern in my sessions and that was one of building more love for me. My practitioner offered space for me to feel that I could love myself first and from this point I would know my next move” – this is what you call real progress. The progress of self-love and also this being offered by another who practices that very same loving quality to inspire their client forth.
These are wise words and a suggestion that can offer us a different way to respond rather than react and feel overwhelmed to situations that come up in our lives.
I have been pondering acceptence lately, I am struggling to accept that life and me as so absolutely amazing. The ‘got it too good’ is occurring. What happens when we begin to break the created expectations and boundaries of how our life should be and stop limiting ourselves…there is for sure an adaption period that keeps showing itself as we restore our limitless grandness. Like a cycle we deepen and deepen into knowing our essence.
Knowing we hold the keys to living in a real, loving and sustainable relationship with ourselves is inspiring and naturally takes care of our place in the world.
“My practitioner offered space for me to feel that I could love myself first and from this point I would know my next move.” Now this is true healing and a true practitioner and the amazing honesty and reflection this allows and so empowering coming from our true connection and love.
“only a holding of love that I had never felt before” I too have experienced this with esoteric healing, and I am now re-connecting to the fact that we can all do that for each other thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
“Now I am continuously discovering ways to keep the doors unlocked, and if one is locked, I know the key lies within me” – This is a beautiful way of approaching tribulations or challenges; instead of seeing anything as a mountain to climb and overcome, we can approach it openly knowing that life doesn’t throw us anything we are not equipped to handle.
What we cannot fully understand or appreciate is that we are all held in the space of love because we are all living in the atma of God, but we have removed ourselves so far from that knowing that if you were to speak of this fact to others they would think you were some religious fanatic which is not the case at all just someone expressing the truth.
Anonymous, this is really interesting to read and makes me realise how often we put others before ourselves and do not allow ourselves time for self-care and self-nurturing; ‘Another revelation came that I was living as ‘the perfect martyr,’ making myself busy, caring for others with no time left for me. I was basing my actions on what I perceived others wanted from me instead of allowing my actions to come from me.’
We save ourselves from the mess that we created. Finger pointing or looking outside of ourselves is just a guaranteed waste of time and love we could be building.
Being held in a space of love is one of the greatest gifts we can give another, no need for them to be any different and no judgement of past choices. The more we do this with each other the more love we see that we are and that anything less is not us and does not need to be a part of our lives.
The beauty of building an relationship with ourselves really opens us up to true love and openness with others and allows a foundation inside to be with through the journeys of life and all that is offered to us to learn from.
When you subscribe to the stereotyped 24/7 mum and good wife way of living it is a ticket to exhaustion and loneliness. Trying to do it all and make it perfect shuts out the support and self-care that we need , especially when we are caring for others.
Trying to do anything by ourselves is unnatural because the feeling that we are ‘by ourselves’ is completely false. We are each a living part of an integrated whole. We are designed to work as part of that integrated whole in everything that we do, therefore if we are ‘going it alone’, we are bringing an unnatural way of being into our natural way of being.
It is very responsible to ask ourselves what our part to play has been when we feel hurt? it is a responsibility to ourselves first – as we deserve this level of love and understanding – and then a responsibility to others.
It’s so interesting how we think we can get love from another without being loving with ourselves, its only when we start to deepen the love for ourself that we realise we were on an impossible mission before.
Indeed a never ending path of disappointment and despair where no other relationship, thing or activity delivers the love that we are missing from that connection with our innermost.
Relationship is all about exploring the quality of how we are in life and how our inner world is fairing up. Is that world still or is it tumultuous, and if it’s the latter then what do we choose to support ourselves through the waves. And if it’s the former then what do we do to appreciate this and deepen the connection further.
As we write and express the doors are consistently opening and closing it is up to us to live in a rhythm to step through the open door before it slams in our face and this is true timing that opens our-life to it’s a for-ever deepening paradigm.
I am completely familiar with this experience of exhaustion and loneliness. And how the two go hand in hand to further cement a person in to those very states of being. A self-feeding cycle that continues potentially without end, as I have met many elderly women who are still living the after-affects of this way of life.
It is so needed for us to see our part in relationships, and be honest with how we are first and foremost. This provides us the foundation to then grow and evolve.
Exactly, the relationship and any relationship always starts with us and another. So the more care and love and honesty we are willing to have for ourselves and with ourselves the greater all our relationships.
It is a simple distraction to focus on the other, instead of realising, that everything that happens and how we feel towards another person has first and foremost to do with us. We are here to reflect us where we still need to work on, not to fulfill each others needs and comforts.
Being pregnant is a very sacred time for a woman – the moment we refuse this gracious time, which the body puts us energetically in instantly, with too much drive, we don´t have the access to the wisdom, we could have, to what it really means to be a mother to that particular baby. We then follow book advices and how other women did it, instead of connecting to our inner knowing which tells us immediately what is true and not true to do.
The Esoteric Healing Modalities as presented by Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine are like no other – there is nothing to fix or to seek for as they confirm that we already are everything. That which is not true begins to be discarded from the overburdened body as we remember how to return to the truth of the innermost love, harmony, joy and stillness that we already are in our essence.
And if one is locked, the key is with me.. I love that and it shows that we are capable to deal with everything that comes our way..
This marathon of ‘must do’ tasks and activities is one that never ends. Its a race that you can never win – just a matter of time before your body caves in to the crazy situation it’s been put in.
From the moment we feel and accept we are the ones that can change whatever we have chosen to live that was not love, the way is free to deepen the relationship we have with ourselves, the love within and care and nurture ourselves first. And from there we can bring true care to others.
It’s easy to hurl words and blame others but it is not so easy to be deeply honest about what we are actually doing and creating for ourselves. This is where the true change comes from and it is well worth though at times challenging and very sobering steps.
How can we fool ourselves that we have good relationships with others when we have no foundation with ourselves to begin with?
Power, freedom, self responsibility, liberation…..”With this new acceptance that it was me who held the key to my own self-created prison” I love what you share here, we are the prison makers, the guards of our own confinement and it is us who hold the key to live our potential.
Then it can only be about how can we deepen in the love that we are and not about if the other will change.
‘Keep the doors unlocked’ – a brilliant motto for life… staying open to all the learning and reflections that are offered in every moment.
We often say ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ but if only we meant it we’d truly see that no matter how someone else behaves we can always choose to stay with our heart.
“It was a constant cycle of exhaustion and loneliness, one that I was to discover was of my very own making.” When we come to realise we are the author of our own story we can make changes. Until that time it is easier to blame another and sulk in the martyrdom that offers – and some feel comfortable in that role – I know I did for a while, Big ouch!
To be supported to seek a way through your perceived relationship difficulties, not out of the relationship is wise counsel indeed.
When we have deep love of self, we have infinitely more to give others, it is not for us alone.
I wonder how many women, mothers, wives are bounded in a consciousness that they know is hurting them, for they feel trapped and are not happy. Isn’t also true that this entrapment is our hugest gift to truly be honest and to come back to responsibility of empowering ourselves, knowing first and foremost that we are so worthy of feeling ourselves and to have joy, to express our feelings and to open up our relationship with ourselves and our connection with our body in deeper care and appreciation.
The quality of the relationship we have with ourselves really does determine the quality of the relationship we have with others too. Not always do we receive the same quality back though what we do receive as a result is always a reflection for us to explore another way or to deepen how we are being with ourselves.
Developing a relationship with ourselves is a forever-deepening process as we continue to expose and deconstruct the addictive false-light of creation so deeply embedded and thought to be true.
The key is always kept within our inner heart, the wisdom that pours out from there is ageless, priceless and well beyond what we can possibly imagine. For most of life I have looked for people to approve of me, for people to give the tick and the pat on the back – the recognition, the nod, the answer. But learning that the key is within me, that the answers to my questions are known inside is the most settling teaching one can study.
It is a great revelation to understand that our issues and difficult circumstances are actually of our own making. Once we can begin to accept this it becomes possible to start to change our situation as we take responsibility for our choices, and life gradually becomes much simpler and more joyful.
No matter what occurs, we never need look at anyone else as the ‘cause’ – it always comes back to us and our choice to be aware or to not read. Give your authority away and you’ll be guaranteed to be angry.
Acceptance of where we are stops the constant drive to be somewhere else. There can be a simple surrendering knowing that where-ever we are we’re tenderly held by God.
And of course self acceptance is accepting the truth of who we are and not the false guises we assume in life to get by.
Thank you Elizabeth for this spectacular comment. A fridge magnet-worthy gem.
Agree Otto, what an absolute piece of Gold this is Elizabeth.
If I just imagine a visualisation of everyone blaming everyone I get a picture of this giant vortex spinning us deeper and deeper into creation. If just one person stops and takes responsibility, then the chain and momentum of that vortex is disrupted…if lots did it, then…
Almost like the taking responsibility actually causes a spin/movement in the opposite direction.
The micro details of how I move and whether that is in relationship with myself or in relationship with how I think I will be perceived by others, are really significant, even down to do I sit up a little straighter when others are around just so I look the part? Keeping a curious eye on myself at the moment to wheedle out the performance mode and make space for an honest and respectful relationship with me.
I am starting to feel and see more and more in how just being with someone and allowing them to be without any judgement is in itself a huge healing.
Going deeper in love with ourselves will naturally guide the course of a relationship, and whichever way it goes, there will be love in the outcome.
This is a life-changing choice to commit to – ‘I started to view life from inside me first’. Once we listen to and are guided by the wisdom of the body, we become an authority in our own lives.
Everything in life reflects to us what we can learn in the situations we encounter. There is always an element for us to learn and in doing so to reflect to others also. The most amazing but unfathomable synchronicity and order that is purely of divine origin – true magic.
Anonymous, thanks for sharing this; ‘all along it was me who was creating my so-called many issues and that it was me who could walk out of them.’ This feels very empowering.
Building a relationship with ourselves is all about the quality and the type of quality we want to have in our lives; when we say yes to the possibility of love, we eventually start to live that love and thus enjoy a loving quality relationship.
True Zofia, it is the one thing and only way I know that touches and changes every aspect of life. The quality of my loving relationship with myself guides my choices and impacts a natural change in circumstances and relationships.
To be held in love is everything in the moment – we could not ask for more. Through the reflection of feeling held, we feel safe to surrender and let go and then we heal our body.
And fully appreciating here, we can be held in love by another and surrender to that, and we can surrender to the love we are – to our own depth, and we can surrender to the holding love of God, all of them allow us to release what is not that quality, and heal the body
‘Never once with my many complaints about my husband did she suggest I should leave the relationship, ..’ This to me feels like you were given space to make your own choices and this level of support is very empowering and there is the freedom to learn and grow.
Building a relationship with ‘self-loving’ ways-of-being is what should be taught to us from birth and the advantages of what this way of living will support us into our old age and into our next incarnation, so it is a continuation of our-Livingness.
The relationship we have with ourselves is often the one we most like to ignore, focusing on our partner, or our kids or anyone else we meet – but it’s the one relationship that makes everything else work and make sense, otherwise we are not bringing to the table everything we could.
Living as a martyr can only lead to one thing and that is resentment! When we are awakened to the fact that we first need to love and care for ourselves first, life changes in miraculous ways! A great sharing.
We place so little importance in building a relationship with ourselves – save for leaving on a journey to ‘find ourselves’ we don’t really make it a part of life to know who we are and our truth with solidity before we take any other steps.
Everywhere we look in society there seems to be a clear message that caring for others first is love and more important than caring and loving ourselves. So, no wonder we feel exhausted. What you’ve shared Rebecca is gold.
You have so nailed this. Very awesome. I love also how you have exposed that the reason we go into ‘being a martyr’ or running around after everyone else. It is because we do not want to feel something within so instead of going into denial or burying it(other ways to not feel) we become a martyr or run around doing everything for everyone else which makes us feel ‘better’ about ourselves. However this is not a truth. As you have shared true healing is when we are willing to go there, to feel what we do not want to, address it, take responsibility for it and change it. When we do this it is not only true healing and shifts the energy out of our body so it no longer has a hold on us but it is also extremely empowering … and then of course all of our relationships benefit from this as well. It is a win win situation ❤️
A great addition to what true healing is.. and so very true that while we’re so focused on outside solutions, and fixing things, we never get to the bottom of our exhaustion and our ill health. The key to everything is always within us, but we have to be able to be willing to fully let go and allow the space in our bodies, through how we move, to feel and connect to it.
‘Another revelation came that I was living as ‘the perfect martyr,’ making myself busy, caring for others with no time left for me.’ This is very familiar to me, I ran a story of ‘I’m too busy for years’ I still do to some extent but now whenever I catch that I correct myself and appreciate that I simply haven’t allowed myself the space I need to care for me it’s not that I don’t have time.
So true Fiona. Blaming others doesn’t resolve anything. We have to look at the part we play – in every aspect of our life.
“Discovering the game of martyr opened up the possibility that all along it was me who was creating my so-called many issues and that it was me who could walk out of them.” Many woman martyr themselves, especially after having children. I certainly did so but am less sure it is as common these days now there is more equality in parenting in certain areas of society. Building love for oneself is key. If we don’t value ourselves, the world reflects the same back to us – that we are not worth valuing. Big ouch.
It is easy to point at others when we are not ready to be honest. But once we start to be responsible of all what we create in our life we may realize that what we judge is in us too, a clear reflection of how we are with ourselves. Being humble is a choice that frees us from the pride, the stubborness and the complications that deviate us from the simplicity of truth. A responsible choice that opens us up to the greatness who we really are.
It is so simple really when we realise all that is bothering us about another is but a reflection of the relationship we are having with ourself. When we understand this we can no longer blame the reflection.
Kathleen this was life changing for me, to understand and see that when something irritated me it was but a reflection of a part of my life that I had an issue with or didn’t like etc.. It shows me now that whoever i meet I learn from them.
So true Kathleen, I love your words of wisdom. If more and more people understand this simple truth and choose to live it, we would see a shift in relationship issues.
So true. There is absolutely nothing and no one to blame or react to when we decide to take responsibility for whatever situation we’re in, and to look at what is being shown and reflected to us to learn from. Life is constantly offering us opportunities to learn and grow, and we can resist those or walk towards them and embrace them, and the next, and the next.
“There was a definite pattern in my sessions and that was one of building more love for me” This is why I love Esoteric Healing sessions so much – they offer the world and if we are open absolute miracles can happen.
The building of love and appreciation for yourself in these sessions was paramount allowing the awareness and acceptance of all that is offered to us and is so simple and relatable to and offers us so much more understanding and evolution.
What a beautiful sharing and understanding you have come to that offers so much reflection and the opportunity to take responsibility for our lives and our choices and very empowering. “Discovering the game of martyr opened up the possibility that all along it was me who was creating my so-called many issues and that it was me who could walk out of them”
Why is it that we wait till we are on our knees before we think to get support? There is a different way of doing this, one that picks things up earlier whether in the way that we review things that are coming up, or having regular support that help us to see things as they unfold and not after the event.
A basic care we give to ourselves is to express what is felt every moment. So it is important we know what we are feeling clearly and not numb ourselves for that would leave a huge unsettlement in our body.
I find this incredible, to read about martyrdom with such a clear perspective that does not cast a judgement at you, but just clearly explains what has been going on for you, and I can relate to this because it is so simple.
I’ve never heard of attachment parenting before, but it doesn’t sound great! The presence of love between two people needs not one ounce of attachment. Love speaks loudly and can be felt even without words.
“With this new acceptance that it was me who held the key to my own self-created prison, I entered a major turning point in my life.” To understand and then accept that we create our own ‘prisons’ is a huge step forward in implementing changes in our lives. From here it is entirely possible to turn our lives around and understand that life is not just about us as individuals and that we all have a responsiblity to live the truth of who we are.
When, like you, I finally came to acknowledge that “I was living as ‘the perfect martyr,’ making myself busy, caring for others with no time left for me” I felt like the proverbial carpet had been pulled from under my feet and that I was hurtling through life unsupported. It was actually the opposite, as by choosing to face the truth of my past choices, I came to understand that by changing the quality of my next choice and the ones after that, the quality of my life would naturally change and I would be supported more than I ever had been – by me.
‘There was a definite pattern in my sessions and that was one of building more love for me.’ the more love we have for ourselves, the more we can express to others.
And the more love we have for ourselves the more responsible we are in our lives and relationships.
Our perceptions of others reveal so much more about us than them.
‘but everything to do with me and my commitment to true love, life and truth’. I am discovering how powerful commitment is and how quickly and easily old habits just drop away. In addition, I have found that I have more energy and can do so much more without any drive behind it.
We are the source of our own suffering and yet we are the answer as well, all depending on our ability to be honest with ourselves and our commitment to live who we truly are.
It shows itself again and again how important it is to always come back to the relationship I have with myself, everything that occurs in any other relationship I have I can bring back to myself and see what is it I need to work on.
I recently had a conversation with someone at work about what success is – is it how we are seen by others, is it money and status, is it being better than other people, or is it actually feeling joy and contentment in life? If we don’t take time to build a relationship with ourselves, we will never know true success
I love the process of healing, it is the ultimate empowerment to become aware that we can choose, we can heal and we can empower ourselves through self responsibility and a reconnection to self-love.
‘The practitioner in her incredible way always brought it back to me and my responsibility in the relationship.’ this is so amazing in life. We can feel that a relationship, a job, project, group or even family no longer fits, works, is right or should be continued but then comes the greatest question – ‘what is my part in this?’ and ‘how do I bring more of me to it?’
When we start reconnecting to and developing a sense of love for ourselves and from there an openness to share love with others we get to realize how far we have stepped away from love, thus we learn that we are returning to what we have left behind. It is quite an absurdity and tragedy that we have chosen such a loveless state of being only to then blindly wandering around in search for the love we miss.
That blindly wandering around is so common, and yet love is a natural state, inbuilt and impossible to get away from. Its a crazy world that we live in / have created.
Perfectly imperfect, what a description of power.Repeating the following: ‘ With this new acceptance that it was me who held the key to my own self-created prison, I entered a major turning point in my life. Now I am continuously discovering ways to keep the doors unlocked, and if one is locked, I know the key lies within me’.
This shows that we have greater power than we want to often admit as it asks us to be responsible for our power in action and rest.
The magic of the Universal Medicine Therapies is in helping us to release what keeps us caught in what we don´t know how to let go of to make the changes we actually long for. In other words, they help to create space from the imposition that keeps us less than who we are.
What comes from developing a connection is the ability to self-parent. It is from this place that I have listened, reflected, sometimes argued and ignored but the general direction is inwards, towards unravelling layers of love and joy that are so palpable in my body, they feel like hugs and kisses from my soul for taking the time to make self-loving, awareness building choices.
I have shied away from taking responsibility a lot… in the subtlest of ways, blaming someone or something else so as to not face my own music. When I do this the constant running away is very exhausting.
When we ‘Do things by the book’ it is time to throw out the book and read for ourselves what is the truth.
Unlocking our heart, and finding that we have-had the-key all along to every woe we thought possible is such a blessing as it ends the tireless searching. Our searching has given us many questions that have kept-us in the illusion of not being connected to the true “Love” that comes from our divine connection to our inner-most-heart, “esoteric” or essence, which are all one-in-the-same and once realised we are released from “our own self-created prison that was keeping us in the illusion and thus love-less.
We make relationships something that are outside of us, when really our relationship with everything is purely dependant on how much we bring out from deep within us.
Trying to fix ourselves in relationships with others is not only futile but also a huge imposition on others.
Everytime I have had a treatment with Universal Medicine practitioners I have never felt judged. The deeep level of love and respect you are held in supports with an opening up and expressing all and then being able to heal such blockages and imposed energies we have allowed into our body.
I listened to a webcast recently and the workshop was about self-worth, we went through a series of workshops and at the end of the group discussions I could feel in my body that actually we don’t have self-worth issues it’s more a lack of self-love. I speak for myself when I say I did not know how to self-love so where to start? I find these workshop invaluable because I’m learning in a completely different way about how my body truly works and the true values of life.
I can relate to how confortable our issues can be, especially as we have created them so we know every facet and detail of them. But it isn’t comfortable, it actually means that we are in constant tension when we feel that the keys are in someone else’s hands and that we don’t have the power to change anything. Taking responsibility for ourselves and how we feel, knowing that we have the keys has been life changing. Responsibility moves us out of our so called issues.
I was reminded the other day of the term ‘yummy mummy’ and it made me think about the endless pressures women are under by others but more so by themselves to live up to this unattainable ideal model. It’s time we stopped pretending and got real about what it is going on for us as women because it’s only with this honesty that things will start to change.
Self empowerment an true healing begins when we change our focus from the outer world to the inner world.
“Seeing that what was happening within was affecting what was happening on the outer, I started to question why I allowed certain actions from others and discovered how much I didn’t honour myself as much as I honoured other people”.
Yes we are very good at making life hard for ourselves and then blame it onto someone else so we don’t have to take responsibility for what we created.
Building a relationship with myself has lead to me rekindling my relationship with a God.
I love this – know thy self, know God.
The pressure put on mothers by the idealised images we have of what a perfect mother is don’t in any way support them to be the woman they are, before they attend to the role of also being a mother.
To be able to truly claim and value who we are without attachment or identification to anything we do, is a true and transformative relationship to have.
We tend to look for a scapegoat for our grievances but there is no truth in this position – we always have a choice and it is never another who makes us miserable. And not doing anything about what bothers us is also a choice; apathy and inertia are a definite statement which we then use as an excuse to go into resentment, of others, ourselves and the situation.
We hold the key to unlocking and resolving all of our issues, because we create them in the first place.. when you look at it like this, it’s kind of ridiculous that we have any issues at all. Do we know who we are without the drama and complication that we bring in to our lives? Are we prepared to deal with the underlying and unresolved hurts that we use to drive us to create the issues and distractions in the first place? Starting to let go of the delay and complication frees us up with more space, to deliver more.. and perhaps that’s why we avoid it: preferring the smallness and comfortable familiarity of our issues, rather than the grandness of space and responsibility.
We all have our buckets full of things that keep us from who we are. Could it be, our choices are influenced by ideals and beliefs outside of us, that we have chosen to fit in?
It takes a lot to really own that the we are the source of our problems. A real turning point in our evolution that empowers us to see that we are not victims to anyone or anything else, just our own choices.
Once we start to take responsibility for ourselves, our choices and our way of being, the possibilities are endless. We are no longer a victim and at the receiving end of existence in the doldrums but the captains of a life lived well.
Like we can put layers of protection on the delicateness and tenderness we are, we too put layers on that what we are not: taken in ideals and beliefs, but too on hurts we have experienced in life. Actually you can say when we live like that that we are wrapped up beings, not transparent, not aware of who we truly are, not aware of what ideals and hurts are the driving forces in our life and not aware of the purpose of life. This sounds a very reduce way of being but to me I feel is close to the reality many people are living.
It is a good thing to always reflect back to yourself when life brings you into challenging situations. As that what is presented to you is not the cause of you reacting, but it is the emptiness within that not wants to be exposed that is exposed and makes you to react.
Most of us are constantly avoiding our relationship with ourselves. We live life in pretty much permanent avoidance of meeting ourselves, lest we should feel something we don’t like and there in lies the root of pretty much every problem known to man, both individualy and collectively.
The beauty you describe here is the dedication to yourself. Your willingness to be honest, to see, to learn, to understand.
Where we find ourselves in life and in our relationships is very much our own responsibility. There is no such things as accidents and coincidences in life. We put ourselves where we are knowingly. That’s always a very disturbing realisation, initially, but one that can free us from the constraints we place on ourselves in life.
‘My practitioner offered space for me to feel that I could love myself first and from this point I would know my next move.’ we always know what is required but we get ourselves in a pickle when we lose touch of our love for ourselves and then look outward for answers. Returning to our own loving connection is often all we need to do.
When we get tunnel vision, we lose the grandeur of that which lies within us all!
“I based my self-worth on how my house looked, how good dinner tasted, and how cared for in the temporal sense my family was” – yes, such a common theme, as is the absence of the woman herself in all that she does for others to make herself feel worth it and grateful for the afterwards crumbs.
As far fetched as it sounds, we will all, eventually dissolve our sense of self entirely and return to being a living reflection of God and no-thing else.
“With this new acceptance that it was me who held the key to my own self-created prison, I entered a major turning point in my life. Now I am continuously discovering ways to keep the doors unlocked, and if one is locked, I know the key lies within me.” How beautiful, deeply inspiring and confirming of who we really are.
The importance and treasuring our own relationship with ourselves is something I am learning to deeply appreciate and see how life comes from here and the foundation of this is magical to everyone in our lives .
When we make life about our growth and evolution then how can we not love ourselves. I am constantly learning in my unfolding and to learn I am becoming more aware of my movements that either support me or not but whatever the situation I find myself in it is not an excuse to be hard on myself and place everything and everyone before me. Very often in those moments where we can doubt ourselves there is much to appreciate that is supporting us for the future.
I had to get to the same breaking point with my health and wellbeing to realise that trying to fulfil the idealised role of wife, mother etc was not it. When we invest in a false ideal, it can take a lot to let go of it, no matter how self-destructive it may be. What we find when we look under the roles is a neglected relationship with self, especially the grander essence of who we are. Whilst this is initially painful to acknowledge the wasted time and effort, it is a joy to reclaim oneself.
This is what I find so refreshing that the Esoteric modalities brought forward by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine asks us to take responsibility for ourselves rather than blame others and or be a victim of life and circumstances. I spent years seeing a psychiatrist who assured me I was the victim and of course I fell for this because then I did not have to take any responsibility for myself I could blame everyone and be the poor me. This was extremely unhelpful and needless to say my depression did not improve it got managed just about, but I was stuck in life going round and round in circles unable to move on.
Coming across Universal Medicine was such a game changer for me, It has taken some hard work on my part to be honest with my self about the way I was living but I can honestly say that I do not have depression any more and my life is completely different I feel so amazing. There is so much to be said about Universal Medicine.
It is easy to pretend we do need our own attention if we choose to only make others the subject.
‘I sat in my car one day and could not stop crying: for the first time in my life I was ready to ask for support and not keep trying to do it on my own. ‘These moments can be seen as negative but from my experience when we are honest and raw and not trying to hold it all together and ‘put on a brave face’, that these moments can be pivotal and life changing, allowing us to let go of what does not work and make more loving choices and make deeper connections with others.
It can definitely be a painful but necessary ouch moment when we realise the parts we are playing in the things we don’t like about life. But very empowering to realise this also for it means that great change is possible.
It is interesting what you say about making our own lives harder, I get this sense that I do this willingly, particularly when things are going super well. I have been committed to supporting myself more deeply with self care and honesty for a number of years and my health and wellbeing are very much benefiting for this, so it is interesting to observe that we almost limit how good it can get and make it harder for ourselves. I am aware I can still bring in an issue out of nowhere, just to have an issue. This is something that I appreciate I am aware and working with. There are no limits to the grandness we are from and this unlimitedness is something that most of us freak out about.
Samantha I agree with you that we can bring in issues from nowhere feeling that we have something to work on rather than just appreciating that actually life is a joy to be lived in full and it is as natural as breathing to feel this way.
A path of healing Anonymous and leading a responsible life .. much joy awaits as you will choose how much it is you want to unfold — JOY to the world.
We are brought up to believe than man is made to measure to this world, to perform incredible tasks and feats. But the whole time we persist in overlooking the fact that we are from beyond this plane of life.
Self love brings meaning to life.
To be held in the presence of an esoteric practitioner who offers another perspective of the muddle we often find ourselves in without judgement or imposition increases our awareness of what is really going on and brings responsibility right back to us.
A constant trap for us is believing we’re alone and have to do everything ourselves. Another is not asking for help. And yet we are energetically connected to every human being and live in communities. It is often we that isolate ourselves. Opening up to others about how we feel, is honest and liberates us from all the inner shackles telling us we can’t. A beautiful breakthrough moment.
This is cool. I find that when I have compromised myself it’s always my choice and always it can be my choice to expose and the feelings of resentment to myself and others let go.
When we come to understand that how we are with ourselves effects all our relationships, we come to understand which relationship needs to come first.
I am always immensely grateful for the Esoteric Healing Modalities for supporting me time and again to go deeper within, to resume more responsibility for my self and understand how my choices play out in life. If you want to sort your problems out there is no other place to go.
Building a relationship with myself supports me to build a relationship with all others.
“There was a definite pattern in my sessions and that was one of building more love for me.” with every session I’ve had this has been what I have continued to build on for myself and with myself. .
When we connect to the power of self love we are offered the choice to bring the deep levels of care that we are have previously fought but are what makes us more powerful in our expression and support everyone without an ounce of playing the game of being the ‘Martyr”.
When we are looking out at other for changes which are required to be made we can learn so much from what they are reflecting to us for in this can be revealed that which we could learn most about ourselves.
We will never discover the truth worth, wonder and power of who we are through valuing what we do. In developing a loving relationship with who we are within we realise that we are precious, sacred and divine beyond measure. When we allow this quality of connection to govern us and our choices we then can feel what it is to live with true power and confidence, enriching our lives with the grace of who we are. This I too have discovered through my own journey from lack of self-worth to empowerment through honouring more and more my connection to my essence, supported and inspired by the presentations and modalities of Universal Medicine.
“Now I am continuously discovering ways to keep the doors unlocked, and if one is locked, I know the key lies within me.” To know, understand and accept this in full is truly empowering.
When we are held without judgement and with absolute love and respect, we are given the space to re-connect to ourselves and deepen our relationship to the truth that resides within us.
There we are given the space to honour what we all bring rather than fall into the traps of the ideals and beliefs that run so many of our thoughts.
“…it was me who was creating my so-called many issues and that it was me who could walk out of them.” How empowering it is to really get this and begin to turn it around. As challenging as it can be to deal with our issues it is the best thing we can ever do, and this sets us free.
And when we choose to live to our inner heart we will only serve for all of humanity and in that way do what is needed for ourselves but too for our societies.
Wow, what a transformation coming from a life based on gaining self worth and appreciation from the outside to a life that is based on a strong inner sense of love, the love that is our essence and therefore will always fulfil as it is who we truly are.
We can be so busy in life and make ourself to feel indispensable and from that behaviour gain a certain level of worth but in truth with this behaviour we forget to check in with our inner most, there where is that strong and steady knowing that we are already everything and super ok by just being who we are and allow to be impulsed by our soul.
Quite simply the relationship we have with is ourselves is the foundation upon which other relationships will stand upon.
Yes Samantha, simplicity is our natural way of being. As soon as something becomes complicated we are lost in the world we have created.
One of the strange things of modern life is that many of us have a life that seems easy from the outside yet we are often tired or exhausted and miserable. How does this fit together?
Every single thing starts in our relationship with ourselves.
As women and especially as mothers we love to blame others for bleeding us dry, it keeps the heat off of us and gives us a sense of identity.
We may feel that we can honour another more than we honour ourselves but we can’t. The quantity of anything that we give to another can never exceed the quantity that we first apportion ourselves.
It is amazing how when in relationships, so much gets reflected but we then make it about the other and their issue, even worse, criticize and judge them, but actually when we bring it back to ourselves and what we have to learn, so much can be revealed.
The term ‘attachment parenting’ is one that is key to bring up, and it can end up having profound suffocating effects on children.
Yes, how will being worn out affect our children? They are able to read the signs and will feel the pain of their parents.
Anonymous, this is very interesting; ‘It was a constant cycle of exhaustion and loneliness, one that I was to discover was of my very own making.’ I can feel how we so easily blame others when things are not as we would like. And yet it is our choices that make our life and so it is us that can make changes. To blame others will not change anything, taking responsibility for our choices and being honest with ourselves can allow us to make the changes in our lives.
The medicine of honesty is powerful applied to all areas of our life, as it can support us to take of the blinkers and make any necessary changes that we have been ignoring perhaps for years.
We are never encouraged to know ourselves, to love ourselves and to work through our own behaviours before we look outside for love, attention and affection – but what do we really bring to others when we have not first developed it with ourselves.
“I sat in my car one day and could not stop crying: for the first time in my life I was ready to ask for support and not keep trying to do it on my own” When we are ready, the most amazing support is right there (well it is actually there all the time but often we have to wait to be brought to our knees, to be open to receiving it).
Our relationship with ourselves is the most important relationship we have.
We are sold the lie that love is outside of us, that love comes from another… however the key is to be the love we already innately are within and then this is felt by all those we meet, inspiring them to also be the love they innately are.
Playing the martyr and then blaming everyone else for the state of our lives and relationships is way more common than we care to realise.
‘ guided me to go deeper in love for myself and take responsibility for the part I played in the relationship.’ the beauty of this is that the more we go deeper in live for our self the more love we bring and can hold others in too.
Accepting that we have made our own choices that have created the life we are living is not an opportunity to be down on ourselves, but to humbly acknowledge how powerful we are.
“it was me who was creating my so-called many issues and that it was me who could walk out of them” – It is empowering to realise that having issues, resentments, grief and reactions are choices rather than ‘part of life’.
I relate to putting everyone first, it doesn’t work and my body showed me this. Esoteric healing sessions have supported me immensly to care deeply for my body returning it to vitality where I can be there for others more from the love and care I have for myself.
“Throughout the sessions I was to discover an emptiness that dwelled within which had nothing to do with my husband but everything to do with me and my commitment to true love, life and truth” – just beautiful realisation, through understanding we always reach a higher or deeper point of evolution.
This blog also reminds me of my appreciation and respect for these Esoteric practitioners. Bombarded with stories (some of which can be pretty extreme), they are rocks of non-reaction and pillars of non-judgement that constantly offer oceanic-scale love and support. A deep thank you to all of those that have supported me along the way.
Yes taking responsibility for our own part and deeply tending to our needs and self nurturing is the beginning of a great awakening available to us all.
Developing the honesty to look at all our relationships as a reflection on ourselves is a catalyst for true evolution.
When we really come to think about, how can we ever have a hope of building a real relationship with others if we don’t have one with our own bodies, tender essence and divine qualities first. What kind of relationships will we build when these qualities are allowed full expression first and foremost?
Our life can seem so concretely horrible – yet the most disturbing truth is we are the ones who have engineered it that way. Everything can be different if we choose to change.
I have noticed that whenever I am being overly critical of someone else, especially in close relationships, there has usually been a component involved whereby I was trying to control the other person or blame them in order to not feel my own role and responsibility in bringing greater love and understanding to our relationship.
It all starts with us first- if we want the world to be more loving, choose more love and express it yourself first. And even if someone is not valuing your loving way- it needs us to build that solid foundation to sustain all the lovelessness in this world. Reacting or giving up on it will only feed the pool of lovelessness, a pool we all innately know is false, but we avoid most to swim in, as it does reflect us bluntly all our choices we made until that point.
That is so true, we can only take care of our part in any relationship and yet how common is it for us to blame and find fault in another rather than take responsibility for our own choices.
It is time we women tuned in more to our bodies and the very important subtle messages they are giving us which holds the key to building more self love, developing self care and learning to value ourselves as women first before anything that we do.
If you have a relationship based on evolution where your partner is triggering you in your uncomfortable corners constantly, bless yourself to have this partner as a reflection because he or she is your gateway to heaven and expansion.
Beautifully expressed Steffi and revealing the magic of relationships if we choose it.
When you describe your domestic scenario not many would say there was anything particularly wrong with it, in fact many may commend it, but once you introduce the element of self worth we get an entirely different perspective. Self worth is fundamental to the beliefs we hold and the consequent choices we make…. “I had a 2yr old son that I had chosen to do attachment parenting with; I was still breastfeeding, believing that this was the best way to parent. I was married to a man that worked around the clock, leaving me to the child rearing and housework. I worked very hard to be the best housewife ‘by the book’ and took my wifely duties very seriously. I based my self-worth on how my house looked, how good dinner tasted, and how cared for in the temporal sense my family was.”
When we have a relationship with ourselves we can remain solid within ourselves and not be swayed by others.
It is so very liberating when we can start taking responsibility for our own woes so we can start the process of true healing.
Which makes absolute scientific sense to me. How can we heal something until we accept that it is in our body, in our movements, because of our choices?
Yes, my experience of Universal Medicine practitioners is that there is never any blame or judgement cast, simply an invitation to look at our own choices to bring all of us (or not) to life, as this is what free will permits and no-one else has a say in this matter.
I agree Janet – sometimes I have found that I have expected there to be some level of judgement from practitioners to find there is a absolutely none. In truth this exposes my own judgement, one of the practitioner and secondly of myself as I had felt there was something to judge in the first place. Amazing to see this and then be able to work on letting go of judgement.
“Now I am continuously discovering ways to keep the doors unlocked, and if one is locked, I know the key lies within me.” I love the power in self responsiblity here and the depth of relationship that is possible when we allow. A relationship with oneself is the most precious thing in the world.
Bravo for making that first booking!! A giant step back to who you truly are.
I have been through the same process of realisation about the martyr energy that so many women find themselves in. With this realisation, it is a constant shedding of things I believed to be true that are not, such as what being a ‘good mother’ looks like. The key is always in our relationship with our self as this is the only thing we can change.
“Discovering the game of martyr opened up the possibility that all along it was me who was creating my so-called many issues and that it was me who could walk out of them.” This is so empowering, to realise and accept that it is up to us as individuals that our lives are of our own making.
I too based my self worth on what I did rather than appreciating and connecting to the love and wisdom in my body and knowing my self from these inner qualities. What an immeasurably amazing journey it is to come home to who we are, so beautifully assisted by the Esoteric Healing Modalities and all Serge Benhayon presents to the world.
It isn’t just a practitioner who can offer us the space to express what’s going on and how we feel, but we can do this for each other all the time as well.
I agree Susie – as friends, family, and as colleagues we have the opportunity and the responsibility to support those around us, and be able to turn to others when we need support.
When we have a steady relationship with ourselves we can deal with anything. If that foundation is not there we wobble at every opportunity. It is worth every moment of time building a solid platform for ourselves. Then we do not lean on anyone else.
Great point Rebecca, its that steady relationship that is something I never knew was so important until I started to build a deeper relationship with myself and now I appreciate just how key it is in life.
Anonymous, I love this title and the photo; ‘Building a Relationship with Myself’, they remind me of the joy and beauty of building a loving relationship with ourselves.
When we take responsibility for ourselves we have no need to play the blame game which keeps us separate from others and the connection and acceptance that we crave.
I too have found immeasurable support in unlocking the keys of my self imposed prison from esoteric practitioners who never judged me but allowed me to come to my own understanding of how playing the martyr keeps you stuck in the merry go round of blaming others for your choices.
“Now I am continuously discovering ways to keep the doors unlocked, and if one is locked, I know the key lies within me.” Beautiful and simple. The power is all ours in taking the steps that are truly needed.
With stronger self-relationships, the neediness for others to be something for us diminishes considerably. We can also be in life and be less affected by life… and this is massive considering how reactive we are with each other on a global scale.
It is all to easy too blame another when there is a problem in a relationship, but if we are able to understand and then accept that any problems we have are of our own making, this changes everything. When we can do this we bring true love to any relationship and then there is an opportunity to heal any hurts that may exist on either side.
There is such an important message in this blog that everyone needs to hear – that there are no victims of circumstance as we choose the quality of the life we live.
Most of my life I put all others before myself which always left me exhausted as life became a struggle and complicated as I was not able to give to myself first. It was a huge shift and healing for me when I realised this, as I began to self-care and truly nurture and nourish myself. As the years have gone by, I have developed self-love and a deeper appreciation of myself for being willing to face myself and all I created. Now life feels simpler with so much more support available that was not there before.
Without love for ourselves we cannot truly love another. Sure we can use the words but without coming from a body living them they are merely just words. The more we build a foundation of love for ourselves the more we naturally, without even trying, share this with others. So it is never purely about us but is definitely a inward step we need to make.
A beautiful sharing. I love how when we are willing to look at ourselves, all is revealed to support us to let go of old patterns and behaviours that we have chosen that has created whatever we find ourselves in… and always at a pace we are comfortable with. We really do paint our own canvas with every choice we make.
“…she only ever guided me to go deeper in love for myself and take responsibility for the part I played in the relationship” – what we get upset about in another is there to reflect that it is there in us to first to begin with for it to have access or entry and add to our upset/hurt. And so there can no blame at all on the other person since we laid down first. Realising this is all part of the bundle of responsibility.
Sometimes it can feel as if we are so trapped by circumstances and that we just have to make the best of it but this is so not true and seeing esoteric practitioners is a great way to get a neutral different view of what we can’t usually see for ourselves and help us out of the predicaments we are in.
The ultimate ‘seeing the wood for the trees’. Until we are able to see the root cause of stuff, we will constantly be locked into running on the guinea-pig-wheel of life. A constant dedication to evolve ourselves will then clear so, so much around us; it’s a way of being that immediately makes the seeming intensity of life so much more spacious, because what we can do, need to do, are able to do, is actually very simple.
There are no medals for wearing yourself out taking on others stuff – only early graves, illness, resentment and extreme bitterness. It’s not a pretty end result.
This is a truly great blog. Among many things it shows how exhausted we can become from our attitude, just our attitude.
When we blame others nothing in truth ever heals – we just go round and round on the same merry go round of pain.
Far better to let it go and move forward with no resentment, no bitterness and no judgement when free of this we are free to see the relationship for what it truly is without having the poisonous, illusional mask of blame that taints everything,
It can be life changing when we are willing to go to the core of our issues and address them, any form of covering up our issues can leave us feeling more lost and disconnected. To have support to do this is amazing and when we are open to changing our unloving patterns and behaviours we often find the support is there ready and waiting.
Acceptance AND appreciation. When we appreciate we never see grass being greener on the other side as we know life to be more than this and that the whole grass is greener thing is just a hook to pull us away from our innate essence.
its beautiful how this all comes back to you.. feeling who you are and inviting every time a new change to allow more of you to come out in life.
It sure is beautiful Danna, we cannot blame anyone nor can we look outside of ourselves for answers. The more we go inward and deepen the more of us we get to feel, live and show the world.
I found it is so empowering to know that we are the ones that create our issues and that we are the ones that can get oursleves out of them, I too have experienced this and from the non judgemental support of my esoteric practitioner I have opened and walked through many doors that I had locked in my own making. I was given the space to come to it at my own pace and because of this I took the key and unlocked the locks, life changed with my changing choices.
Taking responsibility for our issues can be a challenging transition from the ingrained pattern of blaming everyone else for them. But knowing that we actually have a key for every door we have locked by our ‘own making’, the consequences of all the choices we have ever made, is in the end a very freeing feeling. I found that although this level of responsibility was initially rather scary, in the end the eventual changes in my life were absolutely worth it.
‘It was a constant cycle of exhaustion and loneliness, one that I was to discover was of my very own making.’ Such a great start when we are open to see we are giving everything and everyone outside or ourselves more importance than ourselves, from there true change can happen.
The first thing we seem to have learned to do when things don’t work, is to ignore them. Many of us rise above that, point the finger and blame – blaming the situation or other people, holding ourselves as a hapless bystander and victim. Some of us rise above that too and know we have a part to play, so we try harder. I have done all of these at different stages of my life.
But what if our awareness of any issue is actually a moment of reawakening from deep within us, pointing towards an area which we need to deepen our observation, understanding and responsibility? Just as we see in this article. Nothing to do with blame or applying the same type of strategies that obviously did not work, but a big message to stop, reassess, re-align and start again.
It’s interesting that martyrs have been held up as models in various religions, entrapping followers and encouraging a disregard for oneself – sacrificing for the greater good, which in truth does not exist. Returning to a more loving relationship with myself and accepting responsibility for whatever situation I find myself in has also freed me from a victim/martyr mentality.
This is true empowerment, knowing that the keys to our self imposed imprisonment live within us.
Yes, it directly leads us to be able to make changes and those changes can be transformative.
“Now I am continuously discovering ways to keep the doors unlocked, and if one is locked, I know the key lies within me.” The most fundamental lesson we can ever learn in life, one that empowers us to realise there are no limits to the depth we can go to within our selves in order to open our whole hearts to the world.
“You could say I always viewed life with the ‘grass being greener on the other side.’ ” Me too and I can sense whilst reading this I still believe this to be true about my relationship with myself, the world and work, like that is better for everyone else and that everybody is better at life than me. It is great to realise this as I feel it is time to let this go.
To be met, held and listened to in a session allows us to open up, and when we open up there is a deeper healing we are saying yes to. It is a beautiful relationship.
Self love is the most important step to discovering and spreading what love actually is and it is so true that we can’t love another unless we can truly love ourselves first.
A pattern many women can go into, to play the victim in a situation rather than choosing responsibility, the responsibility for our part in anything actually frees us from situations, but for some reason we continue to deny this option of true empowerment. I find that when I choose a victim role it is because I am seeking old patterns, there is security in our old habits even if they do not support us, but we can change that by being honest about how these patterns really feel.
‘I see now how I was using this pressure to make my life seem a lot harder than it was.’ This is a great revelation, because identifying the prison we have created for ourselves then sets us free.
When we build a relationship with ourselves, and one that is solid, understanding, loving, respecting, caring, evolving … we build that same quality relationship with everyone else too knowing we are the same; they are us, and we are them in reflection.
What a beautiful supportive and honest sharing of the importance of loving ourselves first in life and how everything else comes from here bringing a responsibility and truthful way of living that everyone benefits from and enjoys instead of the blame martyrdom issues that make for a very lonely and empty needy way of living. The knowing that true contentment and love comes from within ourselves first is an amazing key in life and allows real self worth and empowerment .
This is a very beautiful journey being caught in words about you re-igniting your passion and zest for life, no longer tied by the restrictions of what you thought was right or good, now exploring the possibilities of true love and brotherhood.
Anonymous, I can feel that I have in the past done this and that to some extent I still do this; ‘I was living as ‘the perfect martyr,’ making myself busy, caring for others with no time left for me. I was basing my actions on what I perceived others wanted from me instead of allowing my actions to come from me’. It’s great to ponder on this.
Dear Anonymous I love your honesty: “I started to question why I allowed certain actions from others and discovered how much I didn’t honour myself as much as I honoured other people.” Most women are not very good in honoring themselves therefore I love what you have shared – it is also an invitation for them to start to love themselves right now!
Great sharing Ester, a lot of people I know including myself have confused putting others first as a way to show how much we love and care, but this is a false sense of love that leaves us feeling resentful, discounted, exhausted and stressed. If we leave ourselves out of the equation then where are we getting the energy from to express the love and care? Now, I understand a sustainable and true source of love comes from within and from connecting to our soul and anything less can be exhausting.
“Once this revelation was felt, I began to see that it was I who was putting the pressure on myself to be the perfect martyr, not my husband (which I had blamed him for).”
How amazing you were able to see what you had self imposed- with out your honest reflection you could still be stuck in the cycle of dissatisfaction and blame.
Relationship work requires honesty as without it we will still look to blame – as an excuse for not bringing all that we are to the partnership.
Absolutely, a clear sign for me is when I feel I want to blame the other instead of looking at my part. Hurts actually don’t exist if we bring love to the relationship instead of a need.
The part you highlighted Sam is so honest and with honesty we are able to have clarity and this supports ourselves and others to grow. Honesty is one of the key ingredients of a loving relationship.
I love that Chan Ly “Honesty is one of the key ingredients of a loving relationship.” This is so true..
I agree Sam – sometimes that self inflicted pressure can feel so real and intense and inescapable, that we don’t feel able to get away or let go of it. But when we are able to recognise that its source is actually our own expectations and pressures, we are empowered to let go and allow ourselves to just be.
How much of our life is lived with us feeling “life with the ‘grass being greener on the other side.”
When we deepen our relationship with our essence, which starts by developing our breath with the “Gentle Breath Meditation” our life could not be any “greener”.
For more on the “Gentle Breath Meditation” go to;
FREE GENTLE BREATH MEDITATION
http://www.unimedliving.com/search?keyword=Free+Gentle+Breath+Meditation
We’re like an animal spooked by its own reflection in a mirror – running scared from ourselves. The more we understand it’s not other people but us who have the power the sooner we can understand what we have chosen.
It is amazing how much can be learnt and how much we can change and grow from developing a far more honest and loving relationship with ourselves
“My practitioner offered space for me to feel that I could love myself first and from this point I would know my next move.” So simple isn’t it? Up the love and you up the wisdom. No need for a clairvoyant. Just up the love for yourself and the way forward is there.
It’s pretty amazing how, when we start to take care of ourselves, and learn to deeply love who we already are, other things in our life shift to match that level of deeper love and care, and the things that don’t, really start to stand out.
So many women forget that they are women first, before they are a mum. No wonder there is so much exhaustion beneath women, as they are busy fulfilling the role of being the mother, which is laced with so many beliefs and pictures, instead of being themselves knowing exactly what needs to be done at what time and how and nurturing themselves the same way as they do towards their child.
As well as being ‘mum’ first we also fill the roles of being daughter, sister, wife and friend so no wonder we have little room left over to be who we are, if this is not made a priority.
We can make ourselves the perfect ‘martyr’, carer, husband, wife, parent, child, student etc. to actually avoid looking at our relationship to ourselves, and not feeling fully content. We can become truly the most amazing friend, family member or colleague in a very different way – loving ourselves first and expressing that love in everything that we do.
The roles we choose to champion; mother, father, leader, boss and the list goes on are done at the cost of being who we are! When we choose to be ourselves first, we shine for all to see.
When we learn to accept and love ourselves all of our relationships have the opportunity to evolve, because we are no longer bringing our neediness or unworthiness into the equation.
I love the simplicity of this Janet, exactly true, we begin to make it about the quality of our relationship with ourselves and all of our relationships benefit from this choice.
What I have found fascinating is how we find it so difficult and near impossible to make space for ourselves. Everything and nearly everyone around us as we a growing up are asking us to do or be something else. Making that change and saying yes your worth that time is the best medicine we could ever give ourselves.
Blaming others rather than deepening our understanding and expanding our personal responsibility in whatever situation is a self-created prison which keeps us disempowered.
Our number one job is to build a forever growing, loving relationship with ourselves first, the opposite of ‘the perfect martyr.’
It’s gotta start with us first – and I’m sure many people can relate to what you’re saying. I certainly can. I’ve found it’s always easier to blame a situation or another person – but as I’ve always learned, I’ve gotta swallow that humble pie though and take responsibility.
‘Keeping up appearances’ is exhausting. Living life from our sense of what is true is not. It’s a no brainer.
When young, we are not taught that the most precious relationship to have is the one with ourselves. Instead we look constantly for others to prop us up and give us something to fill the hole we have, when we miss ourselves
‘she only ever guided me to go deeper in love for myself and take responsibility for the part I played in the relationship.’ this is amazing and great that you were open to going there. Life is not about trying to change others but simply living more of the love we already are and holding others in this too.
This is such s great point. The only thing we can change is ourselves from within.
It is amazing what can happen when we stop believing we have to everything by ourselves.
“Building a Relationship with Myself” – is what life is about. And defining the quality of that relationship is the purpose to life and to living.
Once we have opened the doors we have created and walk through them; we expose the others that laid hidden behind them that we have also made. Less is always more when ridding ourselves of the doors we have made.
Reading this I can feel how important it is that we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and to not try and hold it all together, because in the ‘break down’ we get to feel what is really going on and then to make changes; ‘I sat in my car one day and could not stop crying: for the first time in my life I was ready to ask for support and not keep trying to do it on my own.’
This is so well said Rebecca, the avoidance to break down is the avoidance to feel.
It is so amazing to have people in our lives like true practitioners that can cut through and get to where the true issues lie so we don’t get stuck in the quagmire of our own making.
This is so very familiar to me and my experience with an Esoteric practitioner. I was caught in the victim/blame game yet at no time was I advised to leave the person or situation that I was projecting onto to. Always, as for you, it came back to me, my responsibility in the circumstance and my primary relationship to myself. At every juncture I was reminded of this and the healing treatments allowed me to feel it in my body, too. It freed all concerned with no attachments to outcomes, making my life now far more evolved as I too, now hold the key.
What you’ve shared is so open and honest. ‘…I was to discover an emptiness that dwelled within which had nothing to do with my husband but everything to do with me and my commitment to true love, life and truth.’ Wow, what an amazing revelation, this is a beautiful example of taking responsibility for life.
How many times do we look for issues and they are always outside of us, when within our essence we have no issues we simply create them to seem normal in a society that is full of subversive problems that do not belong to us.
Self love, self care, taking responsibility for the relationship I have with myself first has been a stumbling block on my way to deeper awareness and flows out in every direction in my life. This blog confirms how the key to life is so simple yet we saturate it with complications of our own making. Thank you Anon, this has been a confirming read and an invitation to allowing more surrender into my relationship with myself and others.
It is so very humbling and empowering to acknowledge that we have created our own prison and are the only one to get us out of it.
Awesome, one less martyr in the world! Well done…. I say that a bit cheekily and from being a former martyr myself. It is such a trap and one that I can still fall into from time to time. Well done though for having the honesty and love to come on out of that, and choose to see life from a different view.
You say so much in just this ‘With this new acceptance that it was me who held the key to my own self-created prison’. When we accept it is like letting go of all we are not. It is giving ourselves permission to just be. We make it so hard yet it is so easy!
So often we blame others for our unhappiness and leave the workplace or relationship only to find we re create the same misery under different circumstances not even realising we have the power and the responsibility to change the dynamic. I love your commitment to true love, life and truth; and that someone non Judgemental supported you to see the self sacrificing way of living and move on from it.
Anonymous by sharing that we hold the key to our own salvation, you have shared true power.
‘We cannot be anything for anyone’ this is such a powerful knowing. Trying to be something for someone so I am seen or recognised at best has been an old pattern that can surface anywhere – at work for instance wanting to be the best worker, or the most diligent. But realising it really is about building the foundation of love within that we take everywhere and comes through the quality in which we do things.
“for the first time in my life I was ready to ask for support” Whilst these may look like our lowest moments they are in fact a much better place to be than the false pretence of success.
‘Now I am continuously discovering ways to keep the doors unlocked, and if one is locked, I know the key lies within me.’ This completely debases any victim martyrdom rubbish that I can choose to be in. Far lovelier is to know there is always a door to open to walk through whatever pitfalls I’ve created back to love,
Incredible and as others have said it often is our perception that things are better for others than for ourselves. as you share though ” Discovering the game of martyr opened up the possibility that all along it was me who was creating my so-called many issues and that it was me who could walk out of them.” its all up to us and the way we choose to live.
We get into the mind set that the ‘grass is greener on the other side’, and yet we make no effort to water our own grass or simply walk across the road. It’s so true that we are the ones who shut down joy, and can punish ourselves for imperfections and issues when we are all designed to learn.
I love it. What a great observation: “We get into the mind set that the ‘grass is greener on the other side’, and yet we make no effort to water our own grass”. Would make a great caption.
Yes, I agree Golnaz, through this image Susie beautifully captures that for things to change we have to look to our self first before looking externally.
Love it too Golnaz, and when we are the only person that can water our own grass it makes it even more ironic that we look at the other side as we would still be needing to water the grass there.
Great point Susie and I notice within myself that I start to imagine that the grass is greener on the other side whenever I am not willing to take responsibility for what is happening in my life.
I agree, it is the quality we are in that needs change, not the grass. Greener grass on the other side just feels like an excuse to not have to take responsibility for the quality of our own grass.
I really like your comment Doug. Totally exposes the lie of the hook of desiring something more exciting in the outside. Love it!
The more I build a relationship with myself, the less needy I get of others… and that’s got to be great for everyone!
It sure is Rachel, and when we fill ourselves up with love it overflows out to others and the neediness only comes from us living with lack of love. We often think we need to seek love from others but in truth, love comes from within us.
‘I based my self-worth on how my house looked, how good dinner tasted, and how cared for in the temporal sense my family was. It was a constant cycle of exhaustion and loneliness, one that I was to discover was of my very own making.’
From my past I can relate to basing self-worth on outside things and tasks and how awful that felt. How empowering was it to discover that I created this and could also change it!
‘ Now I am continuously discovering ways to keep the doors unlocked, and if one is locked, I know the key lies within me.’ Same goes for me. Although I used to say this yeas ago and knew it to be true it was not a truth that I had embraced in my body . Through the work with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine this has become possible not just in workshops but in everyday life.
Taking full responsibility for our part in what we experience is a beautiful thing. It can feel exposing and challenging, but ultimately when we get truly honest it feels refreshing, inspiring and very empowering. Once we nail the issue and fully feel it our lives can transform as we step forward clearer and with a new awareness.
Settlement lives on our acceptance of our power not in fixing everyone else. The truth is there’s no reason to blame others.
Absolute honesty is an empowerment that releases us from the self imprisonment we choose when we lock ourselves away from the world. Finding the key to unlock the door has become the most amazing unfoldment.
“Throughout the sessions I was to discover an emptiness that dwelled within which had nothing to do with my husband but everything to do with me and my commitment to true love, life and truth.”
Arriving at these realisations is not always easy or comfortable, if we are open to it, the combined integrity and space offered by the esoteric practitioners and the depth of still connection offered by the modalities brings us to a point of self awareness where the truth of all that we have falsely taken on is there before us.
“Building a Relationship with Myself” – through loving connection to our bodies really is the essential medicine for living and for life because (and as i’ve been appreciating too), our bodies really help bring us the understanding we need, and thus the type of relationship that will truly support us.
The realisation that we created our own woes can be a very uncomfortable but at the same time it is so very freeing to see we have in our hands the keys for change and nobody else has. It makes life the true school it is as we can learn how to use the keys for change properly again.
When we put others before ourselves we have to know that it is our choice to do so and if we are doing this we can’t therefore feel resentful of those people. When we start with self-care first it is win, win for everyone.
The thing is we can get to such a point with our blaming that we back ourselves into a corner and see that the only way out of the situation is to leave – as the author has stated looking for that greener grass. How many relationships have come to this point and then find themselves living with this hate and discontent about another for many years or even the rest of their lives and in effect never letting the issues go.
Anonymous, I love how the esoteric practitioners bought the responsibility for your relationship back to you and that it is the relationship with ourselves that is key. This is very empowering and stops the blame of others that can so often be there in relationships.
Its a beautiful thing when we find we have the key in our own pocket all the time!
The key to all these problems lies within, and not in blaming the outside world, or having to fix x, y or z. If we work on our part, on how we live, on the choices that we make, and the amount of love we are prepared to live with… then the outside world naturally changes around us. You might call it a miracle, but its a fairly simple equation when we look at it.
“perfect martyr’ syndrome, many of us have been there. Doing for others at the expense of self harms ‘doer’ and ‘done for’ and prevents us from looking at ourselves. Turning the mirror inwards, beginning to care for and put self first is foundational to what comes next. With self love we accomplish the seemingly impossible.
As I deepen the love for myself, the more I am with myself in my day. I don’t get attached to people and situations like I used to and observing becomes so much easier as I make the connection to self a priority. lLiving from the inside out rather than following what is going on around me. My life then becomes a commitment to what is being asked of me.
This is such a great sharing of how it is only our own part in a relationship that we can do anything about and that the more we do focus on our part it is incredible how a relationship can unfold.
This sharing is amazing. Showing that peeling back the layers and bringing it back to ourselves and our responsibility lights a clearer path ahead and lets us see what we have been choosing and how that has played out. Only when we get to the clarity after we have connected and honoured ourselves can we then truly read what is at play and make truer decisions from our connection.
Yes it is only when we reconnect to ourselves that we can get clarity about a situation and take responsibility for the actions we need to take.
I love the photo that accompanies this blog. It is full, light and so very love filled.
When we connect to ourselves, honour our feelings, it is us who then know what changes are needed in order to support and hold that connection. However when we chose to just go through life and not connect, we are left in the emptiness of not being with our own beauty therefore use distractions and pressure on life, others etc to fill our own emptiness.
It’s so true Michelle, because when we believe we’re at the mercy of another then we give our power away and then we are both locked in to way of being that is not true. When we drop blame and take responsibility for the life that we live then we see our true light and others.
Beautifull. It seems so much easier to look outside ourselves and blame those around us for our life rather than taking responsibility in what we have chosen and created in our life and take responsibility to truly love and behold ourselves. From my experience of this, although at first it is like swallowing a really big bitter pill .. looking at myself and how I have lived and what I have allowed rather than to blame another; when I started to do this that is when the true healing began.
This blog also reminds me that everything is connected. For example, if we have an issue in a relationship it is never just the other person’s fault, in fact finding faults is never the answer as it will only cloud our awareness and clarity. But if we stay open, what comes up offers us an opportunity to take responsibility and when we are honest with ourselves, the answers are always just there waiting for us to connect to. Our willingness to take responsibility for everything in life supports us to deepen our relationships.
We all indeed do hold the key to unlocking the gold in any relationship including with ourselves. We do not need to ‘fix’ our relationships when in the inside they are already complete and ready to bloom.
Gorgeous blog and deeply inspiring, showing us how it is possible to go from feeling disempowered to feeling deeply empowered and wise. We certainly hold the key to unlocking and accessing all the answers we seek, everything lies in reconnecting to ourselves, our Soul and the wisdom and power is there for us to tap into and share.
Beautiful sharing. One of our major responsibilities is exactly that, to reflect true responsibility to each other.
It can be very self empowering to feel our own part in our issues.
A very powerful sharing of the responsibility we have to reflect on the part we play in relationships. It always starts with us, and then is extended out to others. How we are and the part we play is something we can reflect on and deepen all the time. And if we start to want to look at this then we realise we need nothing outside of ourselves to make us feel complete.
Every situation we find ourselves in we have made steps in that direction. Hugely empowering, revealing and worth appreciating. And when I am reminded of this I get brought back to my responsibility of my life, it cuts out all the drama and anxiety and brings in steadiness and understanding.
Trying to go it alone to be superwoman and play all the roles required to meet everyone else’s needs is many a woman’s downfall. How crazy, exhausting and demoralising this is – that we are conditioned to define our self worth by what we do rather than who we are.
“It was a constant cycle of exhaustion and loneliness, one that I was to discover was of my very own making”.
“Seeing that what was happening within was affecting what was happening on the outer, I started to question why I allowed certain actions from others and discovered how much I didn’t honour myself as much as I honoured other people.” Putting other people’s needs before our own has been championed for eons as selfless and good, yet the exhaustion, resentment and ill-health continues to rise as a result. We cannot offer what we don’t have to give without an impact on ourselves, at which point what we offer does not have the love that we clearly want to offer and clearly think we are offering.
It is crazy that the selfless act and the martre way is actually championed and viewed as a good thing in our society – when in fact all it does is create exhaustion, illness, separation from self and disease in the body. Honouring and caring for our selves deeply means that we share that exact quality with everyone and everything we do.
It’s a great comment Richard thank you, it seems that humility and responsibility go together.
It’s the empowerment that a true esoteric practitioner supports a client to come to, that the client themselves holds the key to how life is.
“perfect martyr” is not a ‘logical’ phrase but one that makes complete sense when you look at what one gets out of martyrdom syndrome!
How we are with ourselves determines how we perceive and create the world around us.
Very true. Yes how we are with ourselves not only dictates how we are with others but it also is how we perceive everything to be. Our view on life is determined with how we move and treat ourselves and our bodies because that is the energy we are magnifying.
A beautiful sharing and one that sheds light on many ways of living that are deemed as ‘normal’ life. Not until we break down do we get forced to see the errors in these ways and so a break down in fact is a great blessing, an offering to see though the ideals and beliefs we have taken on and a turning point for a new and different way of being.
How powerful it is, when we meet people without judgement- the space that is on offer is huge and allows the other person to truly open up and trust again. There is safety and no pressure as we don´t get treated by the false measure of right or wrong.
It just goes to show that everyone comes to their own wisdom in their own time and has all the answers they need to the life they have created. Space offers this for another.
Every step we make towards letting go of right and wrong is a step towards freeing ourselves of the self imprisonment we place on ourselves. Right and wrong destroys as we hold onto beliefs to make us feel better and good about ourselves.
Taking responsibility for our own choices is the first step to bring evolution to every relationship.
Here, here Stefanie, this is so simple and powerful. How often do we turn away from taking responsibility because we think it is too difficult, but the truth is, choosing to take responsibility makes life a joy as it supports us to be open, be honest and eliminates complication in our relationships?
Ive been discovering more and more that emotions like resentment for example are the very way we create issues – to divert ourselves away from the fact that we have no issues unless they are self-created.
All the esoteric practitioners I met have this beautiful way of letting you look at your sight of whatever happens in a relationship. They don’t choose sides, make one person right and the other wrong, but offer you the opportunity to evolve and become more love and that is what life is about.
Love this claiming of responsibility: we can make and walk into our own issues, and we can therefore take the steps to walk out of them and leave them behind forever, knowing that no issue is actually part of who we are.
‘Discovering the game of martyr opened up the possibility that all along it was me who was creating my so-called many issues and that it was me who could walk out of them.’ This is a huge discovery and a very powerful one!
It’s a slippery slope when we go into martyr energy. For me, all the thoughts come in to justify why I am doing what I am doing because this happened and this person is doing this and so on and so forth. With being a martyr there’s an arrogance of thinking we know better, only seeing the outplay but not venturing deeper to look at what is really going on. Thank you Anonymous for revealing how, with support and love for ourselves, we can let go of the protection and let ourselves be and let others be.
It is so much easier to blame someone else for what is wrong in our lives and it is only when we realise that all of life is a reflection for us, will we take responsibility for making different choices. When we ponder on what our relationships are reflecting back to us about ourselves can we start to let go of our hurts, realise that we don’t actually have any issues, just a lack of communication on our part, and we can let go of the whole martyr role and get on with simply being love in every relationship. We don’t need to rescue or change anyone, they will only change if they feel inspired and it is how we live that inspires others not anything we say.
Loved what you have shared Anonymous, only we have the key to unlock our hearts, and it starts by taking responsibility for all our actions, understanding that the life we have has been by our own choosing, and by making self loving choices we can start to live a life of loving care.
Martyrdom is a sure fire way for leaving things as they are, not making different choices and sitting on a truck load of festering resentment.
It’s a brilliant revelation when we realise that we are responsible for all of our choices, including all of our actions and behaviours no matter how we may try to blame another,
An inspiring blog Anonymous offering a key to live with true responsibility to observe the relationship with oneself to stop blaming others and be honest enough to see our part of various things in daily life.
“With this new acceptance that it was me who held the key to my own self-created prison, I entered a major turning point in my life. Now I am continuously discovering ways to keep the doors unlocked, and if one is locked, I know the key lies within me”.
Coming to the understanding that I alone was the builder of my “own self-created prison,” was a huge, but at the same time very welcome, wake up call. I too had blamed others for the issues and demise of my relationships but the moment I acknowledged I was the common denominator in all the relationships I began to wake up as this realisation was offering me a way to begin to understand what it was that I was bringing into them and what I was needing to heal.
This is such a great honest blog and contains much for us all to deeply consider on how we are living.
The biggest thing that stuck out was it ends the blame game and puts ALL the Responsibility back to us.
The world would benefit from people like you and I hope one day in the future you could write more and publish your name, as we all love it when there is a name and a face to the story.
However, I do understand why we have to remain anonymous on the Internet when writing such truth.
Keep on writing mrs anonymous, you are a natural and your words are heartfelt and deeply appreciated.
This is beautiful Anonymous, I love the absolute honesty here that is full of a growing and gorgeous love you are building for/with yourself. This is absolutely without a doubt the key to all of our relationships and how much we will accept from others, or, be willing to see with ourselves.
Gorgeous. A beautiful reminder that we have the keys within us to reverse every pattern that we hate. Empowerment!
Thank you for the link to acceptance. A subject much broader than we might have otherwise thought.
I love this last line – “Now I am continuously discovering ways to keep the doors unlocked, and if one is locked, I know the key lies within me.” It is beautifully honest to acknowledge that we create our own prisons, and that it is only us who can open the doors up again and step back out into the full light of truth.
That line stood out for me too, Janet. So empowering to realize there isn’t a door we can’t unlock.
Yes, so true. It is a level of responsibility we often shy away from yet it offers the greatest freedom.
‘it was me who was creating my so-called many issues and that it was me who could walk out of them.’ – this is such a powerful sentence – it means we are not victims, but also we do not need to blame, shame or feel guilt for our choices, it just gives ourselves the power to make change.
“Throughout the sessions I was to discover an emptiness that dwelled within which had nothing to do with my husband but everything to do with me and my commitment to true love, life and truth.” Pure gold and the real truth of how the esoteric healing modalities heal our inner hurt and put us firmly back in the driving seat, so we can choose to travel the road of love, respect and integrity once more, cutting the blame and victimization once and for all.
What you have described here Anonymous is so common with many women and what jumped out at me was the fact that often we blame others for the things that are happening in our lives, and often without seeing our part in it.
“Discovering ……. that it was me who was creating my so called many issues and that it was me who could walk out of them.” These words are a game changer for so many who feel stuck in their ways.
Building more love for ourselves is essential. We then find we have more love and understanding for others too.
Very awesome! It’s not easy seeing we create our own prisons but once we accept this we can start to deepen our love for ourselves.
What a revealing and healing blog Anonymous, and also, what a super practitioner you have there too. Yes, when we are prepared to see ourselves in the situation, we see our part, and in this also the direction we are to take coming into sight. What we do with this sight or awareness is all part of one’s personal journey of living through understanding.
When we blame others or the world around us for how things are we just go round and round in circles. When we take responsibility and look at what or how we are being in any situation we stop the merry-go-round and can decide if we want to continue or to get off we have choice.
Dear Anonymous, I love the simplicity of what you share and honesty, We ( I included) often locate the source of relationship problems outside ourselves. Your practitioner guided you to see truth and reflect on your own relationship with self. Your openness to receive their wise counsel seeds our own healing.
“I could love myself first and from this point I would know my next move” – this feels very lovely. Taking back responsibility and acknowledging it as our power/right.
It is too easy to blame others for our woes but if we instead take the responsibility for all our choices life has a magical way of sorting itself out because we are exactly where we are in life because of those choices.
When I feel tension in my body it is for me to deal with it and not to ever blame or try to control another for how I am feeling. That said, what I am discovering is when I express what I am feeling the tension disappears and I am left at ease with myself to further deepen the love to self.
We can be so hard on ourselves but we are only able to do that when we have lost that connection with our inner most. In recovering that we are blessed with the practitioners and the modalities of Universal Medicine that do truly bring the support to reconnect with that inner essence once again. And once we do make that reconnection everything starts to flow in a different direction, a flow of true love and in connection with the all, with God, a way of life we are designed for to live.
Wow, Anonymous, how closely I relate to your story here. I spent so much of my life living just as you have described. After some years of Esoteric Healing sessions after my husband passed over, and gradually coming to live my best to The Way of the Livingness, I eventually came to a similar conclusion. I have since completely let go of that pattern of blaming the other for my position in life and realized just how much I had permitted the situation to evolve, and how much I had supported my own misery. And boy, I really knew how to act the martyr, it is such an awful position to put oneself in.
“Now I am continuously discovering ways to keep the doors unlocked, and if one is locked, I know the key lies within me.” . . . this is a beautiful line Anon, one that we can all take with us.
Taking responsibility for our actions and reactions is very liberating and empowering.
It never works to look at and blame the other. If we react then it is always about us no matter what the other does or not do.
Sometimes we need to admit that we have been married to our to do lists, not our partner. Divorce from this senseless way of measuring our worth and we will find true love and relationship.
When we make more room for loving and caring for ourselves, we make more room for others to join us.