With Christmas fast approaching, as always it is time for reflection. My partner and I are the parents of five young children and before we went shopping last year, we reflected on Christmas the previous year. We remembered it being a fun time but we were also looking at what we wanted to have different last year. We discussed it and one thing we remembered was the children not really playing with their presents for long. We couldn’t have done much more with the type of presents because we had asked them for a list and shopped from that. So we discussed what we could do differently.
We discussed about buying more ‘family’ presents and fewer individual presents. We noticed the previous year that the children took their presents and played beside each other, but not really together. They discussed things between themselves but didn’t really have an overall feeling of being together. I thought it was a great idea to buy more family presents and so we discussed the types of presents we could get that would fit. As usual the children made us a list and from that list we chatted about what presents would suit what we had decided together.
We shopped with that intention – to make any gifts or presents about bringing the children together.
It is like we made a clear plan and from there we shopped. There were no specifics, but more of an overall theme with a few points, and the rest was left to the day.
On the shopping day, we only spent about 3 hours shopping for all the five children and nearly had all of their presents bought and wrapped by the end of it. We put them under the tree with their names on them. Some presents had one name, others had two and others had all five. When the children came home, we watched them read who they were for. At that point it was about two weeks until Christmas and we listened to the children trying to work out what their gifts were under the tree.
The night before Christmas we were all together. We had dinner and drove around in the car in the local area, looking at all the Christmas lights at other people’s houses. We commented on how many people were together with neighbours, and how there were children playing together in the streets. It was all very similar to the theme we had felt about last Christmas being not about gifts or food, but about being together first.
The children woke up in the morning and came to find us. We all said good morning and spent some time in our bedroom before heading out to the tree. The children were very content just being in the bedroom with us.
There was no running or crazy play, no continual asking about presents – just a moment in the morning we were simply all together.
We went out and gave the children their ‘Santa’ sacks and they began searching through them. We gave them all some collector animal cards that you get free at the shopping centre; they had all been collecting them into folders. They spent the next 20 minutes just with these cards, discussing them, swapping them and putting them into their folders. They only had two folders between the five of them, and so this too was a shared project. My partner Sarah and I were looking at each other and smiling. The children were just so content and not rushing to get to the next present, or even go further into their bags. It was unlike the previous year, when they rushed through opening their presents, and then didn’t really play much with them. They were content just to be together, talking and discussing their cards.
This said a lot for us, and for me at that moment, Christmas was done, complete you could say. I have become aware of many things thanks to the consistent and loving support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, and this was another one.
As parents of five young children, how we are together as parents really sets the mark for how the children are.
With our discussion and reflection about this time of year for us and how the previous year didn’t really feel that great we made a decision on how we could grow last year. This was based also on what had been going on in the house over the past few weeks, and what we felt together we all needed. Did we just need presents and a day or was there something deeper we could see that we all needed? With this discussion the intention for how and why we were buying things for the children changed and from there this transformed Christmas before we had even shopped, given presents, or experienced the day.
This is the power of intention and connection and we could see the massive change this made… from the 2 weeks prior to Christmas day, to the drive around the local area, to how the children were on Christmas morning and then to how they went about opening their first presents.
Christmas is but one day a year but from this we can see that no matter what is happening the intention in which you do something has real power to transform any situation. The more we connect with people, even in just our own family, this can change others as well.
It doesn’t just change for one day either, because the children have already asked for what they want this year and can you guess what that is? You are right if you said presents that bring them together: they didn’t say that but the things they asked for are things they all play together with.
Now for me, that’s not only what Christmas is about, but what life is about –– bringing people together, truly together, and not just ticking a box.
By Raymond Karam, Father, Goonellabah
Further Reading:
Human Relationships
What I Love About Christmas
Christmas Lies, Christmas Myths and the Truth about Christmas
So simple really; individual presents encourages separation and group presents inspire connection with others and a lasting lesson for life.
Conformation of how a family should be working together and then this can be taken out into the community, schools and our work places. This is great Ray as this allows us to deepen into our essences rather than disconnect and run a muck as usually happens around Christmases and other celebrations.
Raymond – I love reading this article. It is beautiful and inspiring that you have made Christmas about people and being together. I love the idea of family presents and can see how this supports the connection with each other.
In the last couple of years I’ve really started to appreciate reflecting on my life and my choices and looking to do things differently. Not just for a outward outcome to change but how I feel inside.
I agree everything in life should be about connecting people and bringing them together … this is something worth reflecting on.
Connecting to people makes a big difference in the lives of many people, ‘The more we connect with people, even in just our own family, this can change others as well.’
This is so lovely.
Beautiful to feel how the children took their lead from you and your partner’s choice to make Christmas about connection with each other and the wider community. Truly showing the power of reflection.
What a lovely idea to buy presents that supported the children to be together, ‘The children were just so content and not rushing to get to the next present, or even go further into their bags. It was unlike the previous year, when they rushed through opening their presents, and then didn’t really play much with them. They were content just to be together, talking and discussing their cards.’
Christmas is an opportunity for people to be together so it makes sense that presents support us to play together rather than ‘doing our own thing’.
What really comes across in this blog is how content the children were to play together without competing and worrying what the other had been given.
Yes, as Raymond shared in his blog, how he and his partner are, the quality of their energy, will and does affect the children and how they are, ‘As parents of five young children, how we are together as parents really sets the mark for how the children are.’
The beautiful thing is that when the purpose or intention is about connecting it is never just about one day, such as Christmas, as this is a quality that we can focus on living with every day including through our Christmas period which offers us great steadiness, as your blog powerfully highlights Ray.
Beautiful to read Ray, thank you for sharing your wisdom, this is what we are here for – to bring people together in true community a oneness and equality that allows our lives to deepen in our love and joy of being with family and people who are our true family.
This is a very cool sharing. When I was young I was obsessed by what I was getting on Christmas Day. It was all about me but I also used this as a gauge to measure how much my parents cared about me- did they know what I liked? Did they know what I am interested in? How much effort did they put in? For me presents were tied up with the level of love I thought others had for me. There was a greed and self focus in this so I love what you have presented.
“As parents of five young children, how we are together as parents really sets the mark for how the children are.” – This sentence is spot on Ray, and even though it is much easier to put all the responsibility on my daughter for her actions, when I was honest there have been more times than not that her behaviour was a direct reflection of what was going on for me at the time and how loving, connected, and responsible I have been. It was great reading how you made Christmas into a time of bringing your family closer together, rather than the usual quick hit of excitement over a personal gift that wears off quickly, only to be replaced with another need to fill the gap of connection that is truly needed in the first place.
We often have the opportunity to live life differently, To make choices that start to really enhance our lives, and our connection with each other.
Gorgeous to read Ray. It’s wonderful to feel how absolute you are in your conviction to connection and bringing people together.
A great way to bring the children and the whole family together, buying presents that are not about each individual self so much but about everybody. I can feel from your contribution how much everybody enjoyed their Christmas day and it is something to take across and make it our everyday.
I love that your brought presents that brought the family together rather than satisfied individual need and that some presents had 5 names on them, that’s a great idea that I think could really catch on, I wonder what Christmas would be like if the presents that we gave each other helped us learn and grow rather than were things that distracted us, or things we didn’t really need.
Raymond, I love this article, it is very beautiful how there was an intention to bring the children and family together and that you made Christmas about this, I find this very inspiring as I can feel that Christmas can be about presents and indulgence and excess, so it feels lovely to make it about people and connections. This year I also bought games that we could play together as a family, it felt lovely playing these games together and I can see that this is what my son enjoys – the time together having fun and that it was this quality time that was most precious thing.
It’s amazing the difference that occurred on the morning of Christmas. Setting the tone for how Christmas would be celebrated, as a family rather than individuals seems to have had a very settling effect on everyone.
Coming together for a purpose and celebrating everyone’s contributions is felt by all. What a great way to offer another reflection of how to be with our loved ones at Christmas time.
Such a great idea Ray, and I love the feel of how the children then collaborated and worked together because they didn’t feel the need to have ownership over the presents because they were content with themselves within the whole present thing.
‘It is like we made a clear plan and from there we shopped. There were no specifics, but more of an overall theme with a few points, and the rest was left to the day.’ I like this style of shopping. When I do this myself it is far more relaxing, I am not consulting a list and ticking things off and I am not wandering around looking for bargains or letting the shop influence my choices. I have a clear overall intention to buy what nourishes and supports and I allow my body to make the decisions.
Christmas is a time for families to come together and is a reflection of how humanity is one family that prospers when we all work and play in harmony together.
“As parents of five young children, how we are together as parents really sets the mark for how the children are.” This is a foundational key for all relationships and not only holds us all equally responsible but offers us the space to consider how we move, express and support ourselves to bring love and care in all that we do each day and how this then has a flow on effect to everything in life . Awesome thank you.
Christmas is soon approaching again this year, and what a great blog to read. I have a toddler, and this is an amazing gift to receive – that presents can be about sharing and getting the family together and being part of a community. That is the best gift of all, getting everyone together to talk and connect.
Since Christmas is supposed to be a time to be together, it makes sense to buy presents that can be shared by all the family and bring a greater connection. I love the way this has been explored and so much care has been taken to create the Christmas you want, rather than the one that is sold to us.
So many families have lost the true meaning of Christmas and instead it is simply a time of excesses; too many presents, too much food and too much money being unnecessarily spent, often with credit cards groaning under the weight well into the New Year. And from what I have observed, even when the presents have been opened and the food consumed there are still a lot of unhappy children and adults wandering around as the day unfolds. For those who still choose to observe Christmas you have offered a wonderful way of doing so, a simple day when it is about coming together as a family with the loving consideration of every single member always in mind.
Family and shared presents at Christmas make so much sense as they promote that togetherness that builds and nourishes our relationships with each other.
What is Christmas if not about being together. I love what you did here in getting group presents – it makes so much sense and is so beautiful in getting everyone together.
Thank you Ray for bringing into focus the value of togetherness, and how this is one of the greatest gifts we can share with each other, not only at Christmas time but all year round. It’s not just about being in the same room with each other, or the distance we have to travel to share this day with family, but more so a quality of being open to each other, to play, share, care, learn, be honest with each other, so that the quality of togetherness is felt and holds us wherever we are.
I tend to call it ‘the Tyranny of Christmas’ as it is, for so many people, a time of angst, dysfunction, and social malaise.
Christmas can indeed be a time for connection and true union… we just have to start to choose this and like a ripple the effect spreads throughout our families and into society
A beautiful sharing Raymond. “It doesn’t just change for one day either, because the children have already asked for what they want this year and can you guess what that is? You are right if you said presents that bring them together: they didn’t say that but the things they asked for are things they all play together with.” When my children were young I would always buy a present that we could all play together – usually some form of board game. In this day of computers and ipads, I wonder if this is still the case in families?
You make a great point here Ray about children having individual presents and then playing along side of each other. On many occasions when my children were growing up there were far too many presents and often they ended up playing with a big box together in the middle of the living room.
A beautiful article Ray on the real meaning of Christmas, a time for families, parents being together with the intent to bring the children together to share with each other, these are the true presents in life. A beautiful reflection of parenting.
“As parents of five young children, how we are together as parents really sets the mark for how the children are.” So true Raymond. Parents are role models for their young children until they go out into a wider society. True sharing of parenting – a beautiful example for families.
“Now for me, that’s not only what Christmas is about, but what life is about –– bringing people together, truly together, and not just ticking a box.” Beautifully said Raymond.
Some of my family live in America – I live in UK – so the holiday time is an opportunity for us all to spend time together without the usual work pressures, to share, and to catch up. I used to get so stressed about getting Christmas ‘right’. That has gone – its just another day with a lovely shared meal and a few presents thrown into the mix.
I never buy presents at Christmas time, I prefer to buy things for people when I see something I know the person will love or because I have an impulse to give a person something. Christmas for me is a time to be together with family and friends, catching up and enjoying a meal together.
It is interesting how we can often feel like buying someone a gift but have been conditioned in having a reason or an occasion. What you have shared here Mary-Louise Myers is a great start in breaking down the beliefs of when to buy and why and the power of bringing simplicity back to Christmas time.
Your whole sharing shows that what has changed the whole Christmas experience is connection. I remember birthdays and that I would rush through the presents just because I wanted to feel fulfilled yet the presents never did this! Nowadays I much more appreciate the connection over the gifts, not just because I have grown into an adult but because that is just the most beautiful thing to have.
Such a wonderful and refreshing approach.
‘the intention in which you do something has real power to transform any situation’ Such a powerful statement that inspires me to bring this attention it to all areas of my life. It’s great for looking at when things aren’t great too – what was my intention here? Was it to get recognition or to bring together in unity?
Thank you Ray for sharing a true Christmas story, the light that brings everyone together.
Raymond, I love what you are sharing here, it’s great to read this and I feel inspired for this Christmas with my son to buy ‘family presents’ as what he enjoys the most is being with me and his dad playing together, so rather than buy him presents that he plays on his own I love the idea of buying him things that bring us all together, thank you.
Christmas is approaching soon and it is very supportive to read your blog Raymond. What I love about Christmas is it does bring people together but the period just before I can feel people racing around at the shops frantically looking for presents or buying things in preparation. It seems very easy to get caught up in this franticness but what happens when we choose this is we lose connection with each other. The best celebration of all is when we have true connection with each other. I love it when I spend time with family and friends with this beautiful connection any time of the year, it doesn’t have to be reserved for Christmas or other special occasions.
Gorgeous Raymond, Life is about being together, sharing and holding eachother in love. It is not always lived, but deep inside we all know.
Thank-you Raymond, I too have witnessed my children’s interest in their christmas presents wain – I will be inspired by your words as we roll towards Christmas this year.
I vividly remember shopping last year at Christmas time and hearing a parent ask her children “How many Christmas presents they wanted this year? Before long the 3 children were calling out and running around the shop in a frenzy randomly choosing whatever caught their eye. What has been shared from this blog is the honouring of each child in the family yet showing the responsibility in celebrating the family unit and what they can enjoy together – making Christmas about each other not the present on its own.
Awesome Ray you have a beautiful way of naturally bringing people and community together – thank you for sharing it is very inspiring.
What’s also so amazing about this exercise is that it doesn’t encourage competitive or comparative behaviour. As everything is to be shared. What an amazing experience for the kids to have together. 5 children is a lot! A group like that has the potential, like any group, to turn on each other with jealousy and the like. But here, the qualities of togetherness and equality are being nurtured and enforced.
Such a powerful exercise Ray. Everything you describe here is, I feel, all anybody really wants, to enjoy each others company.
This is so beautiful, thank you for sharing Ray.
What I felt from your blog Raymond is how still and relaxed it was no excitement about the presents or rushing around to complete everything for the final day even with 5 children. Working in a supermarket I get to see and feel the frenzy first hand and this year was worst than most. Normally there is a family atmosphere as the whole family comes shopping in the final days up to Christmas but this year it felt more fractious and intense and people were much rudder than normal. It be would lovely if everyone had read your blog before coming into the store and got to feel what a true Christmas felt like.
Thank you Raymond for this beautiful blog supporting me to continue on building a Christmas that is truly loving and supporting for all the family.
Raymond I loved reading your blog, and how you and your partner have introduced the importance as a family of doing things together, and how that builds such a great foundation for the whole family, very inspiring.
It is amazing to think that simply changing your own commitment to being together as a couple and a family in the lead up to Christmas, led to a change in behaviour and level of commitment to be being together of your own children over Christmas. It does show just how much we are influencing each other by reflection all the time. Parenting I would say is 90% example through reflection and maybe 10% actually telling kids what to do.
Hello Andrew and I have found that parenting is all about a living example. Even when we are ‘telling’ them what to do there is a living example for them in action, a reflection. For us any time we have ‘moved through’ anything the children have just come on board or aligned to the same. Not to say there is not equal responsibilities in the house but as with everything it is about ‘us’ doing our part and then from there allowing everything else to fall into place. So often we look for things to change or are more concerned with the behaviours that go on in front of us when all we need do is look at ourselves. When we truly lead by example there is no concern with anything or anyone else, you watch it but your dedication is to how you are feeling knowing that all else will come from there.
Great point to raise here Andrew. Yes, would have to agree that parenting is 90% through example and reflection. Just reinforces that responsibility we have to ourselves, and to one another.
Thanks Ray for sharing how Christmas can be a celebration of how connected we are in our relationships, a connection that we build through the year and not just try to have it on one day of the year.
Hello Andrew and yes this is the key. You don’t ‘look’ to build the relationship on the day. You build the relationship in every moment and then as a natural part of that building the change will come. This relationship building isn’t an arrangement but a commitment to what you are feeling. We can all be in relationship but are you being true to what you feeling or are you just doing what you have always done. In what you are saying Andrew, we can have Christmas every day of the year, “a celebration of how connected we are in our relationships”.
It is Gill, and I agree but this is not just a blog about Christmas, it’s about life, everyday, consistency and the list goes on. The key to Christmas is the other 364 days. Live who you truly are everyday and Christmas will be just an extension of that. So I love what you say and this would ring true to everyday, “It’s a time for us to take a pause and be reflective appreciating people around us who we work with or live with, or reconnect to people we’ve lost touch with. it’s really all about people”. I would also add yourself into this as well. We truly can’t fit this into just one day, it’s far greater than that and when you live with a consistent care and appreciation it will hold you like no other, so Merry everyday and have a great Christmas.
‘no matter what is happening the intention in which you do something has real power to transform any situation.’ What I sometimes forget is how much power there is in humility. When misunderstandings occur it so often requires us to be more spacious and open yet the old way of pursuing who is right or who started it or who said what and finger pointing weedles it’s way into the conversation and a full blown argument can ensue. This happens with children a lot. If our focus is on ourselves then this is almost inevitable but if our intention is to live together, to come together in harmony and to express from a place of stillness this truly supports us to stay out of the downward spiral that can sometimes ensue. I love how your emphasis in this blog is all about that: about connecting with each other
Thank your for sharing you and Sarah’s willingness to feel what was missing in your previous Christmas as a family and your intention to find what would work as a family. As I was reading your blog I wondered what it would feel like to take that same intention into the work place. That sent me scurrying for my journal to explore what it was that was missing with colleagues and customers that could create a difference and the result was the same as your ponderings: a deeper connection and appreciation of those around us, with us and by us.
“As parents of five young children, how we are together as parents really sets the mark for how the children are.” This is so true and something I am recognising more and more each day. My livingness including how I am with my husband in my day is what inspires our three children; it is not about preaching to them!
Reading this on Christmas day seems very appropriate! I loved your reminder that the intention behind any words or actions has the power to heal and transform or the opposite. So given that I am going to be around a lot of people today my intention is to be open and connected to not just myself but also to everyone else and to allow the day to unfold free from expectations.
I also loved the reminder of the power and dedication to committing to intention. I have had many intentions most not been carried through. Living the intention consistently is what transforms or heals.
Hello Helen and I would love to hear how your day went. While Christmas day is a ‘special’ day for many of us it’s equally important to not put too much pressure on ‘the day’. If you have a consistency to what you are saying, in other words you live “open and connected” the best you can then that is what will be there on any day for you. In other words you will only be at any moment on any day the quality you have lived to that point. So if you get to Christmas Day and it goes astray don’t wait until next year to get it back on track, use every moment, every point, every step thereafter to be ‘all’ you want to be and then by next Christmas everything will be there.
Such a beautiful sharing with us Raymond. If there is one thing that everyone could learn about this time of year and that is ‘togetherness’ wouldn’t that be a real gift – comes in all shapes and sizes and a lot of fun. Certainly no stress involved with that.
Noticing the Christmas rush happening now in my country, it is obvious how much pressure many parents feel they are under, which is very stressful.
What I also notice is how some people, especially the hosts, can feel stressed or under pressure to make everything come together and flow and have a successful day – when really it does not have to be like that, and can be about everyone coming together to help out equally so.
When someone is stressed or not wanting to be there, everyone can feel it – so to all lend a hand totally changes the dynamics.
Raymond, thank-you for these beautiful wise tips.
It beautiful to hear how your observations and evolutions from past years have unfolded and how you and your partner have felt into a theme that has been impulsed by the whole family.
Confirming your connection with one another is truly the grounds for celebration.
Raymond thank you so much for sharing that it is possible to change the behavior around Christmas. Is it not the purpose of Christmas to have this togetherness???? Therefore I love the way how you and your partner are connecting with your children and that with that your children get a different understanding what it is truly about – coming together and playing together – that is very inspiring.
This is quite a relevant blog for the present exchanging morning is just around the corner. I really love how you have shared your family experience Ray – brings a reality and a simplicity into what many may see as a very anxious and complex period. Thank you, quite timely actually.
My observation is that people have forgotten how to celebrate and be joyful. In truth they love to celebrate but often they take this to numb themselves and drink heaps of alcohol in order to be able to have fun.
this is my first ‘adult’ christmas, where I am getting my friends presents from my own money etc, and beginning to feel the pressures around giving presents. At my work place there are some people I haven’t bought presents for, and I began to feel how some where getting funny and dropping hints that they should get a gift. What you are sharing is great because it shows that far greater than the gift we give people is the time we spend with them as friends or family.
“Now for me, that’s not only what Christmas is about, but what life is about –– bringing people together, truly together, and not just ticking a box.” Thank you Raymond, deeply touched reading your amazing blog.
Hello Katie, thank you and agreed, “Life is about coming together” and we highlight the quality of that ‘coming’ together. We are saying that this can’t just be a one off thing focused around just ‘doing’ things together, we highlight consistency and connection as being the keys to that ‘coming together’.
Raymond, I have been so inspired by your article that this year I have bought ‘family’ presents for my son, games we can all play together, as I know for him us being together and playing is what he loves the most, thank you for the inspiration.
‘The intention in which you do something has real power to transform any situation.’ I am beginning to really appreciate this truth. I used to not trust it but now I see I was looking at things too linearly and that by stepping back and allowing time and space for things to unfold that this is absolutely true and is another confirmation that energy is everything.
With christmas being so close now it really is beautiful to read and appreciate all you share about christmas time being a time for coming together truly with love. Your sharing is an inspiration for all and a great reflection with so much joy and freedom felt from it thank you.It really takes the hype and pressure away and allows love to be the only way.
This blog allows me to feel how important it is to appreciate exactly where we are and from there clock where we are heading. It is clear that when we do this we create the space to evolve. Christmas is a great marker as I generally remember the Christmases past. Thank you for reminding me to set my intention this year Ray.
I was at the shops today and noticed the frenzy that has already accumulated with what to buy family members for Christmas. As people lined up their trolleys at the counter I was reminded how we can make choices that remind us that Christmas can be a time to celebrate family members and our values.
What you are choosing to live all year round is what I believe is innately who and how we are designed to be. Love is the most natural way and when the space is allowed and all is modeled in the adult relationship and with the children then this is going to be the ‘Living way’ for the family. A Beautiful and inspiring blog that brings much joy, thank you Raymond
Now thats what I call a white Christmas, one that is free from comparison because someone got a present that you didn’t. This is such a great approach to a day where we can celebrate our relationships within the family and being together. Making presents not the focus but being complete with each other. This is such a great example of how it can be instead of a tornado of Christmas frenzy.
Absolutely Natalie, this approach that Raymond shares here is definitely the way to go, making it about connections and family in true relationship, as when children feel supported and confirmed in who they are from their parents and know they are enough, no presents are needed.
Raymond, what a beautiful and inspiring article sharing ways to truly unite the family at Xmas time, when commercialism and materialism is all around you, tempting you in believing that presents bring love. You have shown that the intent of buying the presents was to unite the children and family as a whole, and therefore the presents bought represented this. And what a difference this felt reading your article.
This is such a beautiful model for how a Christmas can be. Bringing the focus back to togetherness as opposed to gifts, food, and what films they will be showing on the box. And I love how the intention of togetherness play out it’s part throughout the day.
So true Gill – it is never about the material things, it is about people and the quality of the connection we have to the people around us. Christmas is a wonderful opportunity to deepen our relationship to us and with other people.
The fact that we continue to encourage and participate in the story of Santa Clause just feeds the materialistic aspect of Christmas. Santa Clause is all about presents. We encourage our children to get excited by the arrival of a fictitious character who brings gifts but is never seen. This puts the emphasis on the material rather than on connecting with people. In this way we have contributed to the way our children view and experience Christmas. It is so refreshing and encouraging to read about the way you are educating your children differently Raymond, and the fact that you are seeing such a vast difference in such a short space of time. It only takes a little bit of awareness and dedication.
And really, the children are not being fooled they know something’s ‘fishy’ when the character that walks into the door has that ‘odd’ resemblance with dad or whoever is behind the mask. It’s not actually nice to do that to children just to uphold some notion that they like it. Better to be honest and bring focus back to the togetherness and connection which is what they truly want. Maybe it’s the adults that need all this razzmatazz, not the children.
True Matts. What is truly important to children is the PRESENCE of their parents, not PRESENTS in the material sense. If the material takes over it is due to the fact that they have been educated that way and encouraged in that behaviour.
This is powerful, and it is a wonderful example of how our intention and connection can change everything “This is the power of intention and connection and we could see the massive change this made…” There is nothing ‘done’ here, it is not in the ‘doing’ that creates ‘massive’ changes are made. The foundation of how we live, the choices we make and the intention of what we ‘do’ whether it serves all or only self, changes everything.
Well said Samantha. Every 24 hours we are ‘doing’ similar things but the intention we do them in is the key. In my experience great transformations can be made in vitality, joy, general wellbeing and overall contentment with life simply by looking at the intention I am doing things in rather than changing what I am doing.
Thank you Raymond, indeed our greatest gift to another is the presence of who we truly are and the intention and appreciation of our connection to others .
Beautiful Francisco, our presence is all that needed and that is enough. Yesterday we had some people calling round throughout the day. It was different because I felt different. In the past on Christmas Eve my focus was on grabbing a ‘bargain’ in the sales on the internet but yesterday I didn’t go on any website; instead I was present with myself welcoming people into our home and making it about connection – it was a beautiful day to reflect and build on for next year.
For a long time I avoided any Christmas celebrations because of the craziness people get into, it was a reaction I could justify with anything, I can now say that this has changed and feel this time is a great opportunity to connect with others with the intention of appreciating and honouring people in my life. It is a beautiful experience and one that I am enjoying more each year .
Your blog is a Christmas gift for all of us Raymond. You are bringing back the true meaning of Christmas. In the last few years I have not let myself been dragged into the frenzy of the festive season. Every day is as important as the next and deserves our full attention to humanity. Connectedness and togetherness with our fellow humans is what it is all about.
‘We have somehow have made Christmas about longing for family, rather then celebrating it, and building it,’ Coming together is an opportunity to celebrate ourselves with others and when we are alone we can still celebrate ourselves and from there feel united with everyone.
When we are really there to connect with our children every second that we are together and inspire them to do the same with everyone else they won’t need presents or distraction to stop them from feeling the empty spaces.
I love how you have shared your awareness of how important it is to bring families back to what truly matters, connecting and being together.
What a fabulous blog to inspire parents! I would say that all parents can feel that emptiness of kids rushing through their presents and forgetting that christmas is a stop time in the year when we can be together and grow our relationships. This confirms for me what I have known for a awhile, that our intention is very powerful and sets the tone of what is to come.
Brilliant Ray – your words ask us to consider what is the intention we bring to every thing in life. If we get really honest perhaps we will see that a lot of the time we are focused on just ‘me’. Yet when we consider everybody and togetherness first, its like the quality and experience we find is the greatest gift on earth.
I agree Joseph, when we consider every one and togetherness first, it changes every thing. Joseph’s comment has got me to ponder more deeply on my intention I bring to every thing in my day – this sure does expose how much I live my day coming from self.
A great recipe for taking the anxiety out of Christmas = togetherness first before anything else.
As I was reading I could feel the immense anxiety I had as a child, waiting under the microwave with my sister looking at the digital time when we could go in and get mum and dad up. I don’t recall spending time just being, it was all about the gifts and the excitement was too much for me! Of course I had fun with my presents and the day, but the initial anxiety could definitely be extinguished by altering the intention of the day. Love a practical blog like this Raymond, thanks for sharing.
Great blog Raymond. Children and people just want to be together, its not about the presents, and we can make this our everyday.
It is not often you hear presents used to celebrate and bring us together. This is a totally different way of seeing Christmas and it feels gorgeous!
It’s not often that you hear any single part of Christmas written about in this way!! An inspiring blog – I love the way that it becomes about the whole rather than just the one day.
That is so true Joshua and I am wondering when we did forget this different way of celebrating Christmas – it must be long ago . . . its really time to claim back this way of togetherness.
No matter what we feel about Christmas, those that Hate it, those that love it the fact remains it takes over more than a month of our lives and often lands people in serious debt. Yet Raymond as you have shared, what if we let go of the commercial nightmare christmas currently is and simply used this time, a time at the end of the calendar year, to come together as a family in appreciation of what us unfolded in the year and with a willingness to deepen our relationships going forward. Fighting and drama’s are common place over Christmas so what if we got rid of all the expectations and focused on the quality of our family and relationships and not the quality of boxes under the tree. It’s lovely to see that this quality, family and togetherness is what your christmas period is all about.
I love what you share here Raymond, I always remember as a child the focus was on presents and food and how special Christmas Day was. I always wondered why all this energy towards one day, why can’t we bring this feeling of joy and celebration into our lives everyday? As your blog so beautifully shares there is a different way and what kids want more than anything is to truly connect with others.
This is so true Anna, “… what kids want more than anything is to truly connect with others.” I can always remember when I was about eight or nine wanting a particular game for Christmas that I had seen on tv. I can also remember why I wanted the game because I wanted to connect to people. This blog has got me to reflect on this memory and confirmed what I was feeling at the time; that all we want is connection with another and not just at Christmas but every day of the year.
Simply so Marty!
This is a wonderful blog Raymond, it brings the true essence of Christmas alive, togetherness and sharing each other in our connectedness…this is what the meaning ofChristmas has been about for me, its a time when strangers become friendlier , family and friends make that special time to all get together…but it saddens me that this extra ‘effort’ seems to happen around Christmas time and not for the rest of the year…..Christmas can be a celebration of people connecting together as family, friends and with all, all year round…
True Martin, the ‘longing for’ is a deeply entrenched illusion that comes with Christmas and is designed to create despair and sadness rather than it being a time of joy for all. Particularly now with so many families who are not living together and hardly are even sivil to each other, there will always be one part that is ‘longing to belong’.
This is a beautiful article Raymond, more togetherness has certainly been a desire I have had in my family life but one which I have not known how to create, but now I feel you had given me the key, thank you.
Christmas shopping does not necessarily bring out the best in a shopper – photos of frenzied scrums for the pre-Christmas bargains in yesterday’s paper noted as I traveled on the tube. It was a busy weekend on the High Streets yes, but nothing like the paper portrayed. The hype around the Christmas season (and in the media) is huge and does nothing to support or offer exactly what you share Ray: that instead, it can in fact be an opportunity to bring people together.
Raymond, you have again inspired me.
This year we are having a big christmas with people who love getting presents. So we’re all doing a secret santa and buying one gift each. But what I love is the importance of giving a gift that is not just for self but for the family or a couple. What an amazing way to support bringing people together, which to me is what I love about Christmas well before any food or gifts.
Well said Hanna, “What an amazing way to support bringing people together, which to me is what I love about Christmas well before any food or gifts.” Christmas can be a time to celebrate being together, and then living that in our daily lives, so that the essence of Christmas is with us all the time!
Christmas can be so off beat!! I mean there is so much about “what can I get” “how much can I eat” How much can I drink” as a world wide society we often forget it is about getting together and truly enjoying and sharing who we are and celebrating that. The mass consumerism we see around us is heartless and often pointless what you and your wife have done Ray is truly beautiful bringing it back to sharing, love and real joy.
Well said Samantha – when I go out these days I experience so much hectic and chaos in the city. Everybody is rushing around. It seems like that nobody has really time to connect with another person and even to himself. I’m glad that I discover more and more my own stillness, my connection to me and the more I’m connected to me, the more I enjoy the company with other people.
Thank you for this inspiring and beautiful blog Ray, your intention to bring everyone together felt so lovely. I like how you reviewed what worked from previous Christmas’s, and now, I love the simplicity of making it about togetherness and connection.
Indeed, Lorraine, it feels lovely to reflect on the previous Christmas (or any celebration for that matter), and to develop the awareness to choose to ensure it’s about true connecting with each other, very beautiful.
Ray, I love how you say “no matter what is happening the intention in which you do something has real power to transform any situation” – it is a great reminder that how we are in every moment and our intention affects absolutely everything and everyone. And so we can choose to live in a way to bring greater love, or we can choose a million other things that are not love, and this is the quality we bring to all.
This is beautiful Annie “every moment and our intention affects absolutely everything and everyone”
Yes Anne. Spot on. As you say, every single moment affects everything…and no one moment affects more or less than another. This is the ‘danger’ of Christmas or any other ‘special day’ or ‘special moment’. This is what is so gorgeous about Ray’s blog. He is embracing Christmas in full without allowing it to be any more or less than any other moment in the year. Beautiful. Inspiring. Life
Dear Ray this is a totally cool, beautiful piece on togetherness, equality and deep connection. Setting an intention for joy to be with one another not through the passing through a burst of unwrapping is solid gold. What a gift for the future generations of this world.
This is a great article to read Ray thank you. It so beautifully captures the responsibility we hold in the example we set for our children – do we perpetuate separation from one another and self-centred expression, or do we inspire harmony, inclusiveness and a closer relationship with one another. It also shows so well that the intention behind our choices whether voiced or not has a huge impact on everyone and everything around us. Very inspiring.
I love your description of Christmas Ray and how you made it about connection. What a gift for your family.
Yes Jane, connection and togetherness is the true gift!!!
I love how you have redefined christmas with your family Ray – a time to celebrate a life full of bringing people together.
Totally agree with you Kristy, i also loved as a young child christmas where we could all be together as a family, eat, have fun and play games with the presents. It wasn’t until years later into adulthood, that all the expectation came in to create deflation and heaviness…rather like New Years Eve where everyone rushes to plan things, to find the actual New Year itself a complete disappointment and waste in so many regards.
I remember that too, and like you all I loved the time we stayed at my grandmothers, with the cousins and uncles and aunts and having a big Christmas with everyone together. The adults would let their hair down and we’d play a few games together. It was about connection for me at that time and felt rather magical because the adults particularly made an effort to let go of their tensions and allow their playfulness out and that was such a treat for us kids.
Thank you Raymond, this is a great inspiration to move away from the old way of buying presents for anyone, not just children. Instead of trying to feel what they would like or even asking them, choosing something to bring us together and share together. How your children have changed in their approach to their presents shows how the initial loving intention has become a flow that carries on and develops, and not just at Christmas I guess, but in their relationships together every day.
This is beautiful Ray. Never before have I heard a parent talk about gift buying for their children like this, with an intention to bring the children and the family together, in the true essence of christmas.
I agree Stevie. Choosing presents with this intention feels magical and so much fun.
This is such a beautiful sharing, Raymand. The power of intention is most certainly very powerful. I also love the way you talk about bringing people together, it is not just a thing to do at Christmas, it’s something to practice all year round. I know that this fact has become very prominent for me, as before I starting studying the practices of Universal Medicine, I was determined not to let others in, thinking this was protecting me. However, at a recent course, I started to socialise more and try to get to know more people and what struck me was that whist I spoke with some of the other women there, I felt their tenderness but also in that I felt their strength and it dawned on me that by shutting down, I hadn’t been being strong, as I had previously thought. I had been being weak. It takes great strength to love others unwaveringly, regardless of whether they are being true to themselves or not and it all starts with learning to truly love and appreciate ourselves. Thank you Universal Medicine, for without you I know I would not be the more loving person that I am today, and there’s still more to come. An ever evolving student, on the pathway back to me and the love that I so naturally am.
Christmas is meant to bring out the best in us, and I do have many fond memories of this time of year, both in childhood and as an adult. But to be honest, there are also many memories that are not so great – family tensions, unexpressed issues rising to the surface as family came together. And yet there was the illusion of the christmas tree looming over all of us to assist us to gloss over the obvious fractured moments. Somewhere along the way, despite all the presents, well wishes, polite thank you and cuddles, we never seemed to make Christmas about love. We made it instead about getting on with each other, yes, about tolerance, and peace, but never about love and connection. Of course it was not all ho hum, but I wonder sometimes how amazing it would be if we put the same effort into our relationships with each other as we did the tree, the presents, the food. Thanks Ray, this is a great topic to bring up.
Adam, you are pointing out something important – we never made christmas about love and connection. I too remember there was an awful lot of effort put into the facade i.e. the food, the tree, the presents and even the clothing, we always needed to get dressed up for Christmas, so that was an event when we would always get a new outfit. Many years ago I rebelled against this and stopped ‘participating’ in Christmas all together, no presents, no tree, no nothing. Today I see it as a time to connect more deeply to everyone in my life, but still without all the so called christmas ‘rituals’.
Christmas can be a reminder of how far we have strayed from love but how easy it is to reconnect back to it.
I love this. This is a true education. What you are doing is showing your children how to live together without comparison or jealousy, and how to truly live in harmony with others. Christmas or no Christmas, there are such valuable lessons here that can be used all year round and for the rest of their lives.
When being reminded that Christmas and indeed the month of December is a family time, then being confronted with a request for a “list” for people to shop from”, all of a sudden I get this anxious fork in the road type of feeling. The 2 don’t go together…yet another amazing example of how we are coached into mindsets and encouraged to behave in a certain way regardless of the affects on our body. Great blog, as it really does bring home the truth of what this season is all about.
What you have shared on presents is great Ray. I have often wondered what the true purpose or motivation of giving gifts is. There was a period of time where I chose not to give them at Birthdays and Christmas because it felt like an obligation. These days it’s different, if I choose to offer a gift it’s because I’ve connected with an appreciation of who the person is and I feel to express it in a particular way. I just wrote on a card to my dad for his birthday “being understood and appreciated for who we are is the greatest gift we can give ourselves and each other”.
I am no longer prepared to accept a Christmas where the focus is on the consuming and not the people. It is a day to celebrate being together in a festive way but this can be simple and full of heart. This year I am truly overturning the ideals around Christmas and laying a new foundation of what Christmas is for our family.
What I also liked about your blog was how you planned a shopping day in advance of Christmas and completed it on this day. You didn’t go into a crazy pre-Christmas rush and stayed up late on Christmas Eve wrapping presents! The patterns developed over the years around Christmas, feeling like it is ok to push the body beyond the extra work and social commitments and end up limping to the finish line on Christmas day, are no longer ok. Out the door! It feels great to be approaching Christmas by choice rather than a habitual way that only depletes us. And as you say, setting the mark for the children by the way we as the parents choose to be.
That is very cool Ray. I love the intention of ‘family presents’. It’s a little different having an only child but I am sure if we hold this intention, we will arrive at presents for us all as a family. What your blog has got me thinking though is, the importance of connection and presence, as opposed to presents. This year, I would like to maintain this focus, of doing what is true for our family rather than fulfilling broader family obligations and keeping things simple so that being together and celebrating our joy is the focus.
Thank you Raymond for a deeply loving and inspiring article. Those children are very blessed to have you as parents. Personally about 30 years ago I decided to stop the whole Christmas thing and don’t do any presents or special stuff – that was the best present I ever gave myself and my husband absolutely loves it too. Now we just treat Christmas as any other day although it does feel nice and quiet without the phones ringing!
Nicola, it’s been a long time since I also stopped giving Christmas presents and it is true, it really is the best present I ever gave myself – it completely stopped the anxiousness that always came with Christmas.
Smiling as I read your comment Nicola. This is my first year of not getting into the doing mode over Christmas. Having initiated all the festivities/feasting’s over the past 38 years I’ve made the decision to not indulge in all the glitter and razzmatazz and endless hours in the kitchen. The joy of celebrating being together with family/friends is priority and not for just this one day of the year.
It is really hard to get away from the hype of Christmas especially when there are children in the family but as you have so beautifully described ,Ray , you can change the focus of the day by making it about connection, family ,sharing and love. Beautiful. There are messages for us all here!
I feel very inspired Raymond, awesome. I love your question: “Did we just need presents and a day or was there something deeper we could see that we all needed?” The power of purpose is huge. The moment I connect to responsibility and purpose, everything matters – it feels like I want to know what is under each stone to check if there is something to do for me or not and what is needed for humanity in general. I love to read, which level of responsibility you have claimed in your family.
Christmas puts so much pressure on people to put themselves under financial strain, because giving someone a present and the size of the present has become a marker that you love someone. I work in a shop and I notice it all the time, people simply want to show other people they love each other – but you do not need a present to do that. Since we stopped giving presents and buying into the whole excessive decoration business and made it about true family, it’s become a beautiful day, just like every other day in the year 🙂
I love this sharing Meg. “people simply want to show other people they love each other – but you do not need a present to do that” we are indeed already the presents just by being ourselves.
I love it too that when you make it about family it becomes a beautiful day just like every other day, it takes of the expectations from Christmas when we live every day lovingly with everyone around us. It is way less exhausting too.
A super delightful warm blog to read Raymond….one that warms my heart. In one blog you break down the whole consciousness around Christmas and the merry-go-round it has become for many people who spend far too much and go into huge debt for one day in the year is just crazy and insane. And I love the bigger picture you introduce that not just Christmas, but in fact life is about togetherness and sharing with each other and truly appreciating each other for all we each bring to the family and how we have all constellated to be in the family unit we find ourselves in….never any co-incidence – and these moments of togetherness are simply priceless bringing a memory of how we have all lived this way before – in true brotherhood and equalness. I have discovered above anything else that it is our relationships that truly nurture and nourish our Souls.
This is lovely Ray, this is what I want for Christmas. I daresay this is what we all most want not only for Christmas but all the time. Togetherness. There will be the usual gift requests for Christmas, that seem obligatory in my own family with my two teenage children, but after reading this , when asked, I will write on my wish list ‘ anything that gets us to spend time together or celebrates our’Togetherness’ , it will be interesting to see what comes of it. This feels like a great discussion to have with my family.
Thank you Raymond for this beautiful and timely reminder for what Christmas is about. To not get caught up in all the frenzy, hype and pressure, but to return to the simplicity of all sharing the gifts of the day.
Time to bring family together is super important, time to talk, to be and to have fun is what builds the solid foundations of an amazing life of love together as the children grow up, and a foundation they can walk on during the tough teenage years. This is an awesome example of that, thank you for sharing.
I agree Rebbecca, there is some deep truth in the value of time together celebrating each other, it is just how we do it that needs to be reconsidered. Ray is presenting a lovely example of how this might be done and for me the question I ask is how can this be done, everyday and not just waiting for an ‘event’ like a birthday or Christmas.
Raymound you’ve hit the nail on the head in the fact that Christmas feels like a time to come together, appreciate and deepen as a family before the new year starts all over again. The fact that we often use Christmas as the opposite of this – about what we get, us as individuals instead of deepening as a family says it all. What a great inspiration for many families around the world in re-imprinting how to come together as a family.
The effect of going deeper with every occasion/ event or relationship is truly magical. How often are we satisfied how it is and accept it as that. But life is not like that- there is always a deeper grander way. And yours is really inspiring, although I don´t have kids. Thats feels like a true christmas family celebration indeed.
Thank you deeply for this Raymond, this is a stunning inspiration of what Christmas can be like and every day — not just with family but everyone just as you share. This is inspiration for true community and togetherness, which deep down we all long for.
Raymond I love, love, love this article. It is so supportive of relationships and families being together yet, it is not ditching Christmas so it makes the kids feel out of the loop with what is happening all around them. But you still are not getting caught up in the antics or pandering that happens around Christmas. You have brought a depth and togetherness to something that happens every year and from reading the quality in this article I know that that depth is a confirmation of the daily choices you all make to life being about love and relationships first.
A very fitting sharing at this time of year. I love how you and your partner looked at last years events then together worked out how to further support the togetherness to be there.
Yes I agree Johanna – well said!
I agree Johanna – Raymond and his partner has this way been able to truly honour the children, instead of choosing what might have been the easiest way for the adult, to skip Christmas all together.
Absolutely Johanna, my sentiments exactly, it is beautiful what Ray and his wife have initiated here.
This is a great experience you have shared Raymond. Christmas is so much about the self – what will I get, will I like it etc, and that relates to both kids and adults. It’s beautiful that this Christmas you have made it about togetherness and connection, as these are the things we truly want. Gifts only fill the void very temporarily, but togetherness and love warm us for the whole year. We’ve been sold an idea we need “stuff”, but what we need is each other and the love and harmony we feel together.
Being together, sharing things joyfully and playfully instead of clinging to individualism and feeling lonely and bored – what a beautiful inspiration.
Another thing I loved was seeing at the bottom of your blog, your name and ‘Father’ as a credential. I can feel you love being a man who is also a father Raymond Karam and the loving responsibility and joy that comes with it. I can also feel how lovingly held and cherished your children are.
One of the things I have noticed about Christmas is the amount of money spent in frenzied gift buying. The newspapers telling you how much more has been spent each year through eftpos and credit cards. Record sales etc.
What is that telling us? Why do we have such a driven need to spend spend spend at a specific time of the year when for the rest of the year we dont even have contact with some of the people we are buying for. Many people put themselves into huge debt at Christmas, why? To fit in? In order to be seen to be doing the right thing? To fill an emptiness? Because that’s just what you do? We dont seem to question such things.
Raymond Karam, I love how you have brought it all back to the simplicity it deserves to, and should, be. About people first and enjoying being together.
I also love Jeanette how Raymond has delivered the simplicity of Christmas and indeed life; the pure magic of being and sharing together feels simply heavenly.
Me too Jeanette, ‘Raymond Karam, I love how you have brought it all back to the simplicity it deserves to, and should, be. About people first and enjoying being together.’
What a delightful way to sort your Christmas shopping – bringing families together in activities
Ray thank you for expressing the truth of what Christmas and life is truly about , people and love.
Yes every day is about people and love so does that make every day Christmas?
I work in retail, and so for over a month before december we start to put up christmas decorations, sell the christmas drains and food, play christmas music. To me, it takes away from the event, prolonging what is really one day, for no other reason than exploting people for money – it has become a commercialised holiday, rather than a time for family and togetherness
Yes I agree Rebecca, it is November in Australia and the silly season has already started. Shops full of Christmas stuff, songs, music, buy me etc – it is all about greed and money making manipulations. Then after Christmas it is full tilt into sales shortly followed by the chocolate of Valentines Day and Easter!
I really like the way that Christmas is presented here as a choice to either further create a selfishness in children, or to bring them together and teach valuable lessons about family life. Remembering as well that children are adults yet to happen, it gives me great faith that in time these little adults will be in our world, working, living, having families, all as an inspiration for another way to be.
Raymond you have inspired me to approach Christmas differently this year and for that I am very grateful.
Your sharing makes me realise how much I have undervalued togetherness. It’s almost a cliché that families come together for Christmas out of feeling obliged and being compliant to a custom, and it’s no surprise if children grew up regarding the presents as an indicator of how much they believe they are being loved if there is nothing else that is concrete enough to let them know that. And I know I have used presents to show how much I loved them – now I realise how imposing that is.
It is amazing that by having awareness and open communication about how you both felt about the previous Christmas you were able to re-imprint an age old tradition with loving intention. And the results speak for themselves – connection. Absolutely joyous.
Perfect timing for this blog Ray as Christmas approaches. There is so much hype around Christmas that it really has forgotten about coming together. You have brought a much needed look at this time of year, thank you.
I really appreciate the awareness of intention that is so apparent in the outcome Ray. Christmas is a great example and the natural joy of the children without the rush and excitement from over stimulation . There is an innate responsibility that comes with the intention behind gift giving and the effects of this are felt by everyone.
Totally agree with you Sandra, intention is very much felt though very often is covered up like a piece of wrapping paper to pretend the feeling’s not there…like for example, how the gift might have been bought (rushed, last minute or considered), or weighing up the price or value (as if it warrants or seals a relationship for instance) or comparing gifts too. Gifts exchanged in this way come loaded, and aren’t nice to receive often making christmas an occasion that’s more about proving or making up for, rather than the joy of naturally giving and receiving – and everyone enjoying this.
I feel that most holidays, birthdays and festivities are too much about presents and things outside of ourselves. Celebrating each other, appreciate and really spending time together is the most valuable thing we can share. Ok, you cannot put under the christmas tree but I guess the tree can do without all these presents…
Exactly Mariette, whats the point if all those presents without a true expression of love?
And the quality of presents really does change when it’s about people first, not a duty or something you’re expected to do in order to be a good parent, wife, sister etc. I have experienced so much more joy buying presents for people in recent years because my love and appreciation for them has deepened. So when I get a present for them it is in celebration of that, and not because of of any expectation or rule — and it’s clear how that’s really felt by them as well.
Christmas is meant to be about family, but every time I speak to someone about Christmas, they mention how stressful it is.
I agree Adam. Christmas needs to be pared back down to a simpler form, and we need to give ourselves permission to celebrate it in a way that is truly loving. There are so many pressures and expectations for how it needs to be, or should be, which puts tremendous stress on people. Making choices that truly feel loving for us and for our family is a great start to eliminate the stress that’s usually such a part of Christmas time.
I know, utterly and completely crazy and such an obvious giveaway of how much we’ve veered away from a true way of being with ourselves and everybody else.
Great point Kristy – so for kids to be confirmed in what is so natural would feel like all their Christmas’s had come at once! And everyday would be a celebration.
Awesome and perfect blog. Coming out just before christmas but as you say – not about christmas, this is about every day. We crave connection, being in a community and that little community starts in our family. Even if it is not what we experienced growing up, or we didn’t have the most amazing experiences in childhood, we can change that, we can re-imprint it as adults when we have the choice and if we are able to offer that to a younger generation so they get the experience then what an opportunity! We LOVE group games and activities in our house but I have not thought of the shared names on the presents – I can’t wait to put that to the rest of the family!
Thank you Raymond for sharing this game changing experience about Christmas. Making it about connecting together and building the relationships amongst each other is absolutely what it is all about during Christmas………and all the other days in the year.
I’t gives me great joy to be able to part with tradition and treat Christmas as just another day and re- write the rule book.. As a child I always ate too many sweets and food and always felt sick. More often than not I would be disappointed with my presents as I would be in comparison with my friends who got bikes and watches, when I got items of clothing. Making Christmas truly about everyone without eating too much and just celebrating family is alright by me.
So real Kevin! Christmas is built up to be this huge climax of the year with so much expectation riding on it. It’s therefore not so surprising we feel the anticlimax or disappointment when it doesn’t fit our ideal picture… after all, how can it be a day of truly sharing together when we don’t live that throughout the rest of the 364 days of the year?
Christmas could be a celebration of the joy of our own connection, love for ourselves and each other. There is so much focus on one day of the year to ‘celebrate’ that all the other days are forgotten. That is one out of three hundred and sixty five days, what about all the other days.
Yes Matthew, as we celebrate and appreciate our connection, love and joy for ourselves then it is easy to share this with those around us every day.
Great point Kristy, it is natural, it is us adults that are uncomfortable with the concept of coming together and in that uncomfortably we panic and over compensate .
Thank you Ray for sharing our Christmas with the world, it brought back memories and made me appreciate what we are building as a family. I loved that moment when you and I saw how long the kids spent on the free Woolies card in their santa sack!! It cracks me up and makes me smile even now. Christmas is one of the many magic things we share together and I greatly appreciate the time and effort you have put into writing this blog, very touching.
Thank you for adding even more depth to the blog through your comment Sarah – indeed a great moment to appreciate what you are building as a family.
They are the parts of Christmas day that I remember too Kristy. Sharing the day with all of my family. These are the precious moments.
“There was no running or crazy play, no continual asking about presents – just a moment in the morning we were simply all together.”, this is so beautifully created. How amazing it is to come together as a family truly wanting to be together and enjoy each other’s company playing games.
In truth Amita this is what I craved as a child that my family were together in harmony with no tension and enjoying each other’s company. Although there were moments like this more often than not it wasn’t. To feel through this blog that there are families that create this level of cooperation is brilliant. Raymond your parenting skills are deeply inspiring.
I agree Amita, this is so simple and lovely, ‘How amazing it is to come together as a family truly wanting to be together and enjoy each other’s company playing games.’ Reading this I can feel how Christmas has came so far away from the simplicity of simply enjoying being together and how it instead feels like it is about indulgence with foods, drinks and presents.
I can see this also as we move into this time of year. Everything at school is about what Santa will be bringing you and have you been good enough to receive it.
The way you came together to discuss what was needed and felt right is deeply beautiful to me Raymond. We look so often for gifts, events or other people to bring togetherness. Yet what you show here is it’s available to us all, permanently, if we are willing to simply stop and see there could be a different way to be.
Joseph I love what you write here, you have encapsulated it perfectly. “We look so often for gifts, events or other people to bring togetherness.” This subconscious thought pattern is so imbued in our society that we do not know that we are seeking these external things to fill us up. It’s crazy when we have all the tools in the box within us already, we just need to open up and share them, first and foremost with ourselves.
I agree Joseph, this is like evolution in action, a very practical example of how to come together as family and explore what is the next step towards deepening a quality togetherness and support of each other. What better way to do this than with your own children, where there often can be a tendency to take each other for granted and at christmas time, let things go a little crazy.
True Joseph. My husband is away overseas and he mentioned the other day that he would bring back presents for the children. This could easily be a situation where the children become over excited and make it all about the present rather than spending time with their Dad when he comes home.
Ray it is beautiful to feel that you and your family have embraced the true beauty of togetherness with Christmas celebrations. An inspiration to all to put aside the commercialism and ponder what really matters most of all – love.
The tragedy of christmas is that people look forward to it so much because the other 364 days of the year they don’t have permission to be openly joyful, loving and connected with family. This blog offers another way, that there is a way of living that provides a daily joyful and loving expression. Thanks to the work of Universal Medicine.
So true Heather we need to give our self permission to be in the ‘Christmas spirit’ every day of the year. Imagine if humanity were to be openly loving, joyful and willing to connect with all every single day then we would be seeing true brother hood. Some may say this is impossible but this is not the case as we now see this way being lived by hundreds of students of The Way of the Livingness.
Yes it is a tragedy when everyone pins all their hopes and needs of feeling loved and cherished by friends and family on one day of the year. By the time it gets to Christmas day, most have already overeaten, drunk too much, or exhausted themselves in the lead up to the big day, so there is not a chance of truly meeting one another.
Very true Heather, some people are counting the days till Christmas but while they are counting, they lose touch with what is there right in front of them. Everything is there for us every single day, it is up to us to see it and embrace it.
Hmm agree Heather, and plus then perhaps the Christmas of togetherness and albeit ideals of harmony, comes as the greatest reflection that reflects – for 364 days of the year, this harmony and togetherness has not been there, when it ought to be there 365/year…to make christmas a rather non-event. Christmas then is a reflection of the family-harmony we don’t have on all the other days, yet deep within we crave. No wonder so much stuff comes up (!!)
I had always heard that Christmas is for children… was that the voice of toy manufactures? Is this when we start telling them white lies about Santa Claus, that is an anagram of Satan’s Claws? Christmas is a day to celebrate with the people we love daily… that excess and indulgent spending should never be a part of it.
‘Christmas is a day to celebrate with the people we love daily… that excess and indulgent spending should never be a part of it.’ – Very well said Steve, true love is lived on a daily basis and not something you turn on and off.
I remember hearing this also Steve that Christmas was about the Children. It was not my experience as a child as yes we would get presents but the adults would be so exhausted from the lead up and cooking on the day that there would be no time to connect together.
Agree Ray, gifts that unite, not individualise. Christmas’s commerciality I feel has lost the original essence of it being a period of family and the celebration and joy of this, as opposed to it typically otherwise being fraught with stress, tears, anxiety, comparing, resentment about gifts or even being in the same place all together. When we make it about unity and harmony as opposed tradition or ideals, we see that each period of the year can have that same quality that we all feel is so awesome to have in our lives. It’s not about the gifts, or even the ‘special’ food, but about love, and being together in celebration.
I agree Zofia – key is to make it about people and true connection, that way it does not matter whether it is Christmas or any other day of the year. Every day can be a celebration and a reflection of joy and true harmony.
I agree Zofia and it is beautiful to build on making it about harmony and unity during Christmas when we create space and time to be with each other. In fact everyday must be about love, and being together in celebration.
Hello Zofia and I agree. Christmas only reflects where we are as a society, as people or as an individual. If we are feeling that Christmas has “lost the original essence” then it is up to us with that awareness to bring about a change to how we are with it. From there more and more people will feel the pull of what is being offered and make a choice to do the same or not. While ever we sit on the fence and see what needs to be done but don’t action it fully then we will be left with more of the same. Christmas can be everything we see it can be but there is some work that ‘we’ will need to do, this is ongoing.
As I reread your blog Raymond, it came to me how crazy Christmas shopping can be and how there is a lot of focus on finding the right gift, forgetting that we as people, as human beings ourselves are the greatest gifts, coming together in this knowing and appreciation is divine.
Thanks Ray, it felt to me not only did you nail what Christmas is truly about as well as how a family can celebrate it together, but also the essence of what father christmas is about. Don’t know why, but the words father Christmas came to me with a grin. The deep care and love and expression of togetherness in your writing has that energy about. That’s one father christmas I would like delivering presents for sure.
What a beautiful observation Simon. I can fully appreciate what you say here, there is most definitely a warmth, a togetherness, care and love from Ray and as you say what a great energy to receive any kind of present in.
What a lovely blog Ray and so great that you transformed Christmas by your intention to bring in more of a sharing quality– it’s so true that how parents are affects the children. Because you did not get caught up in the Christmas hype the presents were bought and wrapped without that frenetic energy which so often colours gift giving and then as the children unwrap the present they get the gift of your presence as well which would inspire the children to treasure each moment more. I’ve witnessed families where the kids tear their presents open and eye off what the other children got, and it’s because the gifts were bought in the Christmas rush as a substitute for love not a celebration of love. The children recognize the emptiness of gift giving while at the same time they are looking for the gift that will give them something to fill that gap created by lack of love. In taking these practical steps your family is building a foundation of love which will prepare the children to step out into the world secure in the knowledge that they are loved and that they can share the love with their fellow man.
Beautiful, Sandra – “In taking these practical steps your family is building a foundation of love which will prepare the children to step out into the world secure in the knowledge that they are loved and that they can share the love with their fellow man.” Imagine seeing that in a Christmas card…
I love your comment Sandra Newland. I have said the same, but with different words. How lovely Christmas would be if we can use it as a reflection all year round when we buy gifts for people, knowing that the intention and energy behind the buying is what is felt. Energy IS energy, but sometimes when I am in a rush I forget… I can’t undo what I have done, everything that we do leaves an imprint, so the importance then, is to bring myself back time and time again to Love so that this feeling is imbued in the gift.
Gorgeous Sandra. It is so true that the frenzy of Christmas shopping is lacking in true love, and is often done out of duty. This just confirms the emptiness that is felt from a lack of love. Raymond and his family have experienced a total re-imprint of Christmas, sharing the beauty and love of connecting with the family and as you said, they go out into the world secure that they are loved and that sharing that love is a natural way to be.
I love that your children asked for presents they can all play with together. How powerful it is to make small changes and have clear intentions. Amazing.
This small thing is the polar opposite of what most expect – that almost out of control desire that comes through children at christmas for what they will get (I remember it so well myself), and the measuring of worth – did I get enough presents, if not Mum doesn’t love me type attitude. Ray’s approach with his family of togetherness, rather than indivudual recognition through what are often meaningless gifts, is one they world could truly benefit from.
Intentions support us to stay connected to the original impulse we have about something. It’s very easy to let our intentions slide (there’s and old saying ‘the road to hell is paved with good intentions’!) however if we allow it, they will hold us steady when the hurricane winds come along to try to blow us off track. This is a beautiful blog Raymond.
Great comment Lucy “Intentions support us to stay connected to the original impulse we have about something.”
Have you noticed the level of anxiety in the air in our communities, in particular in the shopping centres over the pre-Christmas period. There is also an intensity of anger, frustration, guilt, irritation coursing throughout the shoppers as they tackle the pressures they put themselves under with not only choosing presents and all that entails, worrying about how much money they are spending or putting on the credit card, but also the expectations of Christmas with present giving, what to cook for Christmas day or the social events that come with this time of year. In all of this where is the simple value of family, the simple pleasure of coming together with others, the joy for communities to gather. This does happen but with a cloud of anxiety hovering over the top the whole time which puts a big damper on the true joy that can be expressed and experienced by all if our intention perhaps started with an appreciation of our brotherhood at this time of year.
Well said Elizabeth. I sure have noticed the heightened sense of anxiety in the air aound at this time of year.
Beautiful Raymond Karam – I love how you have made it about the simplicity of being together. If we truly make it about the connection first, christmas is no different to any other day or time of the year.
When Christmas is another day of connection and joy with others, it can be Christmas ever day of the year!
Yes Heather – christmas can be every day, it is our choice, if we celebrate the day or not. I love the self-responsibility which comes with that.
As I read this blog I just felt like being a fly on the wall and observing your five children as they each enjoyed the presence of being with each other. I can so see them all carefully playing with the shopping cards and the folders so contently and not being too worried about the presents. Isn’t it true how children are often more happy with the box than the present itself because it was never really about the present in the first place for them.
We have almost forgotten that Christmas is about coming together and being with each other. The focus has become so much about material possessions, commercialism and extravagance that it is no wonder we can feel flat and empty at the end of it.
The money spent at Christmas is extraordinary, and often puts people in deficit for several months of the next year – crazy!
Indeed Heather – I know a lot of people who truly struggle financially with the Christmas holiday, yet they would never consider ‘could there be another way’. Why is that? Isn’t it time we start to look at cause and effect?
I used to race to finish my Christmas cards and get them all posted and ‘out of the way’ pleased that another Christmas job was completed. It is great to now view writing cards as a beautiful way to connect to friends and family I have not seen for a while and I take my time writing a personal message in each one.
This is beautiful jane176. You have inspired me to send Christmas cards again this year. I have not sent them in years but what you shared about it being a beautiful way to connect to friends and family you have not seen in a while is a great inspiration
One shift in Christmas for us has been in not making it about the food. In previous years the food was the main event (aside from the presents). For me the main event is about being together. Sharing a meal and enjoying each other. In the past the food has been a distraction away from this and it has become about the food. Last year we kept the food very simple, had friends over and enjoyed each other. I plan to do the same again this year.
I love it Ray. My housemate and I have already discussed getting family presents this year and I think it’s a fantastic idea. In the past I have enjoyed Christmas with my son, we have never gone crazy with presents and he has always been a joy to give presents to. We have spent the day in previous years together with his presents, but after the day is over they are his and he plays with them mostly alone or with is friends. I like the idea of a present that continually is about the family being together.
There is always something uneasy about Christmas and most of us can feel it. It feels fake and pushed, like it’s a time that we make up for how we have not been together for the previous 363 days, and this isn’t about necessarily being physically together. We buy because we feel we have to or out of feeling guilty, we reluctantly go to peoples houses and then eat and drink too much to numb everything about how we are feeling. Raymond, what I love about what you have shared was about how you and Sarah purposefully planned Christmas in the energy of being truly together as a family. This feels deeply beautiful and a real celebration of how you are all naturally living. I can’t wait to hear about this christmas!
How often do we on Christmas day, or any day for that matter, go through the process of ticking a box to get things done without any deeper consideration for it’s meaning for everyone. I really like this blog Raymond, having always had a funny relationship with christmas myself, it offers me what I feel is important about these days where our families and those we love come together.
Pondering further on what you have shared here Raymond, I feel it is a true gift to be freed from the pressure and raciness, the expectations and substitutes for true connection, to have true connection. Simply brought back what christmas should be about. Celebrating the birth of a man, who has brought love to humanity. I definitely will ponder on how to celebrate this christmas!
So, so beautiful Raymond, what you have shared here about your last Christmas time in your family and how this is possible to be transferred into every life situation. That is so true, with another intention you can transform situations being about interconnection. When I had my 31st birthday I was about to move into another city. Briefly before, I invited people to my birthday. My birthday wish was, that everyone should endow me, what he or she would find on the way to my birthday party. The way could have been the time until my birthday or actually the way to my home at the day of my birthday. Because I love boxes, my second wish was to get, what ever they would find, in a box. So the whole birthday was not about me, but about everyone. It was not about eating and drinking and it was very playful. It was a very party unusually big for the whole time of my birthday and everyone shared the story of what was in the box. It was beautiful, I loved it. It was not about expensive gifts at all, it was about everyone and it was about sharing stories like personal fairy tales, a very magical gathering. So your blog inspires me, to have more focus on the intention to bring people together. Thank you!
Who needs presents when you have love.
Love is all we have ever wanted, on Christmas or any other day.
So true Heather, and in life so much emphasis is placed on events such as Easter, Birthdays and Christmas, like these are the only days we are allowed to celebrate! Love is in us all to be celebrated every day – a totally different way of life.
The greatest gift there is Marcia.
Exactly!
A very beautiful blog Ray – when I talk to people about Christmas, so many love the festive feeling, the increased friendliness, the feeling of family that needs to extend beyond just the one day a year.
Wow, this is so much Christmas. Christ for me means coming together as equals. That’s what you did!
Making Christmas about love first, wow what a revelation! We all run around saying we love and care about ourselves and each other while exhibiting choices and behaviour that demonstrates the contrary. Especially at Christmas time, the debauchery becomes extreme and everyone is deeply affected by this, the added stress on our bodies by the food we eat and the stress of spending money we don’t have to buy presents we don’t need all because that’s what everyone else is doing right? To consider there is another way and that Christmas could actually be a TRULY enjoyable time spent with family and friends is joyus to even consider.
Kate I love how you describe our current representation of christmas as debauchery. That makes so much sense with the way that we approach it and spend, buy, give and eat. I remember someone saying to me that some department stores and perhaps even supermarkets make something like 50% of there yearly profit from christmas buying, which is incredible really.
Reading your comment kate I can feel how Christmas so often is not about love first, but is about presents, foods, indulgence rather than loving time to be together, lovely to get back to basics and back to what is important.
I love what you have shared here Raymond and perfect timing too, just when we are all getting ready to drain our wallets for another ‘happy’ Christmas. But what you have shared here shows that we have the power to chose how we would like to see Christmas and that it doesn’t have to be all about expensive gifts and presents galore, that it can be about people, about each other and that in truth, is what really matters, how beautiful that you are sharing this with your children who can grow up with these amazing memories of spending time with each other and knowing what really matters.
Yes Kate, Christmas ‘doesn’t have to be all about expensive gifts and presents galore’. One of my most enjoyable Christmas days was when our family agreed to buy each other presents worth $2.00. It was such fun to see what people came up with and often they were things that were very useful and appropriate for people. My favourite Christmas of all time was when Dad and I took a picnic lunch and spent the day together. I can’t remember if there were presents or not but the best present for me was connecting with him.
Agreed Kate, these Children will learn about connection rather that receiving presents. A gift to the world.
Thank you for expressing how you are addressing Christmas for your kids and your whole family. I too have found that when parents unite and discuss how to support kids, that they seem to adjust without speaking or little needs to be said, it’s like they already know. This has happened too many times to make it a coincidence.
If kids feel loved and included, they let go of the ‘need’. They are allowed to just be themselves and they will have fun without the need for any fireworks to bring out the joy in them.
Ray – what a change in your family Christmas.
I have always loved Christmas, but what I have loved about it is not the hype or the presents or the food, but people coming together. Simple as that.
They really make an effort to be with each other. Imagine if that was how we were everyday – willing and open to be with people in a loving way.
How you have described your children responding more lovingly to gifts that brings them together is just a confirmation that they feel this too – and that it isn’t so much the gift but the purpose of the gift.
This is a great blog to read in the lead up to Christmas not only for children’s gifts but also for adults.
A beautiful reflection on the christmas and presents and the love and purpose you brought to it all. This is an inspiration much needed in the world today where the pressures of christmas and presents and the way we all live today is so separate and isolated from true connection and the simple coming together with each other with love and presence.
We have come from the Pagan ritual developed around the winter solstice as a powerful incentive to the gods to return the life-giving sun…to more of the original Roman Saturnalia that was a week–long orgiastic indulgence. We have improved on this to a totally new level of indulgence on all levels. It’s time to leave our credit cards at home, to not buy enough food and drinks to feed an army and to celebrate the love we share everyday, not just because it is Christmas!
Such strength in your comments Steve. I love how you cut to the clear truth.
I really love how you shared about you intention Ray to make it about family and connecting. Its amazing when we connect to a theme how it then unfolds before us…….Beautiful!
Its lovely to feel inspired about celebrating Christmas in a way that brings more depth and connect. If most of us where honest we would all agree the greatest gift is that of love and connection, all material items pale in comparison.
This is a beautiful blog, Raymond. Firstly it inspires me totally to reimprint Christmas in my own family and secondly to bring more focus to the intention each action has. Thank you.
Same here, Kerstin. After reading Raymond’s blog I want to re-imprint Christmas too. Without over spending and getting headache thinking what to buy to my children and friends I would like simply gather together, have fun and with gifts or without-celebrate ourselves!
You’ve redefined Christmas in the most wonderful way Ray – making it about connection first.
This is what I loved most about Christmas too, everyone coming together with extended family and friends.. we didn’t quite have the same weather as you Kristy, but in the UK there is the coziness of being inside with twinkly lights which was so joyful. I used to sit and gaze at them for ages. I felt more joy about everyone being together than any present.
Sharing time together, having time to talk and share and really connect with each other are a priceless gift.
Hello Rachel, I loved the sound of your Christmas and it’s great to record what we all remember most about this time of year. It is overwhelming to see that everyone is going to their memorable moments being about people and not ‘things’. If this was a study I can see this would be the main finding but why doesn’t our current world reflect this? We are all part of the world and here we are discussing what touched us most about this day and yet the world around us doesn’t hold that same quality. It may say we need to be sharing more of ‘us’, more of this. Not just speaking to people about it but living this quality everyday, in every area so more people are touched by what we are clearly saying here. It would be great to live in a world that reflects the quality of relationship we all know is true.
Raymond, I loved reading about your family coming together at Christmas and life being about bringing people together. I know this is what I craved at Christmas when I was a child. Beneath the comparison and jealousy that I had with other family members getting better presents I actually didn’t care as I knew it was never about the presents but about us being together.
All too often parents and children have lost touch with knowing they are more than enough just with being who they are, so feel the need to make Christmas a ‘special day’ and fill in the gaps by thinking they have to buy everything they are told to make Christmas special through advertising and society’s idealised images of perfect Christmases.
All too often parents worry about pleasing children with presents and put themselves under pressure (often financial) to not let them down when all that really counts is appreciating each family member and oneself and expressing this is enough (so simple!). Presents that bring everyone together is such a fun way of doing this.
Absolutely real and powerful, since I read this article I actually enjoy Christmas, it never made sense to me; having one or two days a year celebrating family, most of the time when we were together there was no true connection or intimacy, just a block of alcohol and loud talking. What you describe here Raymond is exquisite, this proves to me that truly celebrating Christmas has a purpose, not for these two days, but actually to live from this togetherness everyday.. let these Christmas days be a true reflection of how we need to live with one another every single day of the year, biological family or not. We are one family.
‘that’s not only what Christmas is about, but what life is about –– bringing people together, truly together, and not just ticking a box.’ is This is awesome Ray. In our family Christmas is not just about this one day but about all days and seen no differently. I too have a child so there are still presents and a tree and all the Christmas fun she enjoys, but the presents and how we spend the day together are all about being together and celebrating each other, just as we do on every other day.
“We shopped with that intention – to make any gifts or presents about bringing the children together.” Raymond, I just love that intention that you brought to your planning for the children’s Christmas presents. That so resonates with me, Christmas is really about us all being together, lovingly enjoying our connection. Or that is what I feel about it. Christmas has been so commercialised, all concentrating on ‘me’, and what I want for myself. How great for you to make it about bringing yourselves closer together as a family on the day, wonderful to read of the children’s enjoyment of the family presents, rather than just focussing on their own individual gifts. Thank you so much for sharing this, it is so inspiring.
Thank you for a great blog, Ray. We have made Christmas a celebration of family – a celebration of the people in our lives rather than about presents and food. As you share, the children behave so differently and it has become such a relaxed and non-stressful day for us – a true celebration rather than a mad, rushed, bankrupting frenzy.
This is an awesome read for not only parents but for us all, theres such a huge pressure on people that they have to buy the perfect gift or spend an obscene amount of money, to gain or get love when all it’s ever really been about is just spending quality time togethor
Hello Jaime, too true. We set it up for ourselves with having to buy the ‘perfect gift’ and then outdoing that each year. It’s an easy trap to get caught in but it doesn’t always bring what we truly wanted. As you say, “is just spending quality time together” and to that I will add ‘consistently’. The ‘quality and consistency’ of the time together are important keys in this.
This is a Christmas all children would love because in our hearts we all know life is about being together. To be inspired to be open and loving together always is the present.
Love that Vicky “To be inspired to be open and loving together always is the present” – totally agree, what a gift to receive.
Christmas for me now is a chance to get together and be in each other’s company, just like many other occasions we have throughout the year. The difference is Christmas comes with so many expectations and pressures, but the truth is no one enjoys the hype and it’s quite a relief when they get permission to drop all of that and simply share a meal with the emphasis on connection and celebrating each other.
What an amazing antidote to the “I’ve got mine and you’ve got yours” way we usually approach Christmas Raymond. It’s like in this method we disappear into a rabbit hole of individuality, the complete opposite of what Christmas is meant to be about. This fresh approach you describe transforms not just Christmas but unwraps the fact that all life is a gift, we are here to enjoy together.
“All life is a gift we are here to enjoy together.” I love this line Joseph, and we all need to be reminded of this true point.
Brilliant blog Ray, and you share so much on what true family can be about and about what is truly important – and that is connection, love, and celebration of that fact.
Hi Ray, just to add to my previous comment. Although the above formula can be used at any time, this is a timely article with Christmas on the way and the big build up that is ensured by the media . Your writing will inspire many parents. Thank you for taking the time to share your life so generously.
Thank you Ray, you and Sarah have clearly demonstrated how to bring the future forward through your very own livingness.
The fact that you made the time to discussed together a new approach after observing the pitfalls of the old way of dealing with this highly commercially exploited time of the year was step one.
Your holding a clear intention of making it about love first and foremost, was step two and already you have changed the future.
Shopping together reinforced and confirmed that this was to be about love and togetherness, step three, and set in place a formula that does not need to only be applied to Christmas.
Ray and Sarah have demonstrated a way of living that can bring the future to the present in three simple steps. To me this is one of the greatest of presents that could be given with great appreciation to the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Thank you Kathleen for you heart felt and detailed response. It will be interesting to see what this year brings with Christmas or should I say, what we bring to it!!
What’s been lovely is Ray and I have found a way to not go against the whole “Christmas” thing either. Our children and most others are surrounded by Christmas and it is a part of their lives, thus we do not want to react to how consumer driven it has become and take that all away from them. We put up a tree and decorations but that is another thing that we let the kids do all together, as it is not for us but something they enjoy. Christmas can be a fun time of year, if you find the joy in theses simple activities.
That’s awesome Sarah. I love that you’ve chosen to embrace christmas and it’s place in society rather than go into reaction about the evil of the consumerism industry. You’ve turned it on it’s head and created joy and togetherness. I love it.
I love what you are sharing here, Sarah. It is not about erading everything in one go by reacting to it but introducing another way to be with it step by step.
Kathleen, this is revelationary what you are sharing here. I love how you look at things in the eye of somebody who knows what is going on on a deeper level, that is how the action of Sarah and Raymond are deconstructing systems and the unloving way society is living in.
You have nailed it to the point Ray. Bringing together, connecting and by that deepening all our relationships – this is what makes the difference.
Hello, Raymond. Your blog is another piece of game changing puzzle we are making.
In our family we stopped celebrating Christmas about four years ago because we didn’t want to take part in this crazy rush and madness of consuming as there is no tomorrow. We can celebrate every day of our life or buy presents when we feel so.
Your blog shows how easy we can make it different- full of joy and warmth which can be felt when family gathers together, lots of children and the sense of togetherness, brotherhood is strong.
I love this Ray. Coming together is what we all truly want. It’s all I wanted as a little girl even though I thought it was about presents. No amount of presents ever fulfilled me, i was always left feeling empty. So what a very beautiful gift you have given your children that will be with them forever.
I so relate to what you say, Sara, I sense that was also my experience when I was young. I can relate to the emptiness that I felt later in the day at Christmas after the gifts had been shared and all the hype was over. I just love what Raymond and his wife planned for their children’s christmas experience, a truly wonderful gift for them all. What a truly lasting gift, that feeling of closeness with each other.
Yes the ripple of this love, Sara and Beverley, will reach far and wide and return for all to feel, where as the satisfaction of getting the instant gratification of receiving the present you want is short lived with a happy feeling being replaced not too long after by the emptiness of not receiving all that is truely desired. Simply, the love of family.
Beautifully said, Sara. Precious moments shared together is what gives us joy and stays with us for the rest of our lives.
Totally agree Katie…a blog for humanity for sure. I am even thinking about how this could be translated into the workplace…such potential for deeper connections.
Isn’t it bizarre that for most of us we have strayed so far away from what the truth of Christmas used to be long ago…to now being so intense with commercialism…to now say that being together as a family on Christmas Day is ground breaking or breaking the mould! We are a funny species!
This blog is very confirming of my family’s experience with Christmas and intentions. When I made the decision to stop buying into the mad consumerism of Christmas (quite literally) I wasn’t sure how my children would take it. My intention was that I want’ed us to be together without needing anything to ‘grease the wheel’ so to speak. I remember the first year without the ‘trimmings’ of a typical christmas day and the evening before my kids expressing that they felt they might be missing out on something. This passed almost immediately and we thoroughly enjoyed the ‘family’ ‘gift’ we had bought together with no longing for more. In the ensuing years there were no more regrets rather they have often expressed relief at not being caught up in the madness of what is undoubtedly a ‘silly’ season. We celebrate our lives and each other far more often now and still enjoy Christmas day as an opportunity to do the same.
Awesome Helen. I can understand the trepidation with bringing more focus to togetherness and less on indulgence of more stuff none of us trully need. It’s no surprise however, that once the intention is to connect and come together, then everybody aligns to that, because ultimately that’s what we all want. Stuff doesn’t last, especially when it’s bought in the energy of checking off a list for the sake of not appearing like a grinch.
Your family christmas’ and in fact your every other day sound like great fun.
We so often use presence to make up for the lack of love and connection that is there. But isn’t it the greatest gift for us to be met by someone and to feel the connection with each other? No present, no matter how expensive it was can make up for that.
Gorgeous! Stunning! That is what family is about, and that is what evolution is about too.
I love the fact that you both reflected in the post Christmas period about what was not so great and asked what you could do differently. That is in itself the best bit.
How many people don’t actually do Christmas, but get done by it? They hate the family obligation but feel powerless to change. They hate the ritual and again choose to do nothing about it.
You and Sarah are super role models for saying no to anything but love and truth – and your relationship to Christmas shows that neither of you will leave a stone unturned to have love and truth in your lives.
Hey Rachel, this is good “How many people don’t actually do Christmas, but get done by it?” And as you point out, Ray and Sarah show how it is possible to stop the momentum and do it differently and this is because they endeavour to bring love and truth to everything they do not just on the one day that is supposed to represent goodwill to all men. Great role models indeed for true family!
What a great time to read such a blog, as all the shops become inundated with the latest gift ideas and all the Christmas paraphernalia, it is great to read something which brings a great deal of realism and responsibility. Taking a moment to feel our intentions behind our choices and in that space giving us an opportunity to take a new perspective. Thank you.
Just beautiful Ray!
I Love this Raymond. Time to be together and not focused on what gift and for who, relationships first and sharing time together instead of seeing a family member and looking to what gift they bring. Beautiful to come back to the fact that it is people and relationships that truly matter.
I remember growing up how it was all about the presents, and a Christmas card I was given one year epitomized this with the comment – “I hope you get what you want”. I remember feeling the absolute emptiness of Christmas and this societal tradition at that moment, and even as a child I was able to see through it all. Raymond, your account transforms Christmas simply into another opportunity to be loving with each other – very beautiful!
Great blog Ray. For many, the whole lead up to Christmas is a series of tick boxes with Christmas being the final one – tick, done, over. How lovely you re-imprinted Christmas with the focus on connection and being together and showed just how precious that was for everyone.
Jane I would add that rather than Christmas being a whole series of tick boxes that in fact for many it is a whole series of X’s (and that’s a cross not a kiss). The buying of the presents is always difficult and a chore, the food shopping a nightmare, the food preparation and washing up endless, the entertaining people we don’t even want to see for the rest of the year, which all leads up to the biggest X of all, the headache provoking Christmas day. No other day of the year comes close for sheer amounts of anxiety, stress and anger. Ding dong merrily on high………..
This quote is spot on “…no matter what is happening the intention in which you do something has real power to transform any situation.” It makes all the difference and can change situations, relationships and the experience of life through having a clear and loving intention in its development and delivery.
Wow, thank you for sharing this Raymond, this is so beautiful! “This is the power of intention and connection…” and your blog brings across what that means 100%.
Thank you Ray for sharing your Christmas gift. I have recently been asked ‘What would you like for Christmas?’ There are no ‘things’ on my list but what I enjoy about Christmas when everyone has some time off is for us all to be together and unwrap another layer of love. For several years now we have not celebrated on 25th December because of work schedules but there is always one day when we are all together.
Very true Mary,
Christmas for me is about family and being together and to make that a priority we sometimes need to be flexible and creative with when we choose to celebrate.
Christmas in July is also a good example of this and possibly easier for family to attend.
Many years ago I accompanied a friend to St Pauls Cathedral at Christmas time.
The bishop was insightful and spoke from the heart. He said ‘what children need from parents is ‘presence’ not presents. This always stayed with me.
To true you could have all the presents in the world and absolutely no presences …
What a powerful statement kehinde2012 and so absolutely true.
This is great Kehinde. Such a great play on words, but probably one never more necessary. All the money in the world means nothing if there is no joy inside and no one to share it with.
Kehinde2012, that is a statement worth holding onto and it is so true every day of the year not just at Christmas.
Presence is the gift we give ourselves so we can gift everyone else.
Beautifully said Elizabeth , our presence is the best gift we can give anyone and everyone around us, especially when there is the intention to truly connect to another.
I love that kehinde2012. It is so true and so easy to forget. I put both hands up to saying I work on that every moment of every day – how not to be pulled into all there is to do, sort, get ready, what’s next. Kids play up very often because they are battling to get through all the noise in our heads! Thank you for the reminder of my responsibility and my choice. I can get all the shared gifts in the world, but actually if I am distracted then they will feel the same emptiness.
What a beautiful way to spend Christmas Raymond. There is so much on offer for children to choose from and quite often the gift is not appreciated until a few days later. I know in the case of my children we gave gifts, and then needed to drive for an hour to spend time on the day sharing a wonderful Christmas spread with family. The emphasis was very much on the individual child and not sharing with all. I personally feel too much is given to children and much expected as they grow older. Being together with family was always the highlight for me and still is.
You are right Doug. The importance of re-imprinting Christmas is all about emphasizing love and togetherness… but in truth it is the peak period for suicides, over indulgent spending and over consumption of everything. It’s time to bring love back… but why do we do it just for one day? Should Christmas not be the same as everyday, filled with love? Now that would be the greatest present ever!
Loved reading this blog Ray – I also brought up 5 children in a blended family and Christmas was always about bringing the extended family together and playing games – now all my children are grown and whenever we do all have the chance to get together, whether it be Christmas or not, we bring out the games and have a great time together. It’s so great to read how you are setting a new intention this year to build on the foundation from last year around the Christmas celebrations.
This is a great example that christmas does not have to be full of stress and bad moods. Many years back I chose to not do christmas and to change my relationship with it, as I was finding the whole thing very stressful and the last minute shopping rush was just not worth it – not to forget the expense. Now I find that it is a day like any other day, except the family will get together and make dinner, make a few phone calls, we may or may not exchange gifts. When I first made the decision to not do christmas, it really challenged me because I was breaking away from tradition and the ideals and beliefs of how we should be with christmas, but now I feel released from the ‘must do’s’ and pressure I placed on myself. What you have described here Ray is breaking the mould for what christmas has become, and I am sure many will benefit for having read this.
This is beautiful Raymond, and not just beautiful but hugely responsible. So many Christmas days come and go with a rabble of shopping, presents, wrapping and doing things for the sake of doing things. I can recall many a Christmas morning spent eating sugary foods, and then having melt-downs later about presents as a result. I can’t imagine this was much fun for anyone in the household! What you have done here in committing to this intention is huge. The effect of this on your children, and the reflection this is for all parents and children cannot be underestimated. There is a way to be in Christmas that does not need to be chaotic – and your family is living proof.
I agree Amelia, a great demonstration of responsibility and the deep care they have for themselves and their children. Feels like true love to me.
True love and true togetherness and a deep respect for family and what this means to everyone, considering the all together.
Very true Kate and Amelia, it is so easy to box children as being a certain way, i.e. only interested in presents and etc. Yet what Ray has clearly shown us here is that children when met, connected and loved care more about personal interaction than they do presents.
Year after year of Christmases, my children never talked about the fun they had of receiving presents but only the enormous fun they had with spending time with their family, cousins, Aunties and Uncles and Grandparents and the people who had gathered to spend time with each other. This is where true joy and fun lies, in our connection and relationships with each other.
This blog is so beautifully timed with Christmas not far away and as I have been wondering how I am going to approach buying presents for my grandchildren this year, as I am over the madness and mayhem that is traditionally Christmas. You have given me much to ponder on and I am definitely feeling that it will be a family friendly gift this year. Thanks Raymond for shining the light of simplicity and common sense on the accepted “normal” craziness of Christmas.
There was a mild heated discussion this year over a family Christmas party (25+ people)over presents we buy for each other. What became apparent to me was this time of giving gift to each other was a moment that all used to connect with each other. It was the only moment in that day everyone say in a circle. To me I could see how this was the intention but how every year it lasted for 20min then everyone would get back to seperate conversation. This year a more interactive way of giving has been organise by me with the intention of gift that we can share and interact with during the day. I loved what you shared Raymond, It’s a great day for us to deepen our connection with each other.
Awesome. So often the gift buying process can be stressful and then when we give that gift we not only impart with the item but with all the stress that it incurred and we give that to the person. I wouldn’t really want to receive that as a gift! When the gift becomes about interacting and being together, it can shift the process of gift buying as no longer are we trying to please.
Awesome Raymond, laying foundations that support our own families in turn support our communities and the of course filter out to humanity.
Very true Kim, Ray sharing and the amazing feedback received so far shows just how important it is for us to share our experiences with each other, inspiring us all to return to a truer way of living.
I am looking forward to sharing this with my whole family too as we have sensed this year that the usual secret santa is not reflecting the depth of love and togetherness that is possible and already living within us. Deeply inspirational is this blog, I am so glad that you took the time to write this Raymond.
Yes, the difference in energy from the initial impulse and intent to that of the end result is palpable when I read what Raymond has expressed. One way begins with a void or emptiness of knowing our true purpose and connection in life to one another and thus deepens the healing experienced and the other starts off with a need or expectation that buying or receiving something will bring love; falling short the fact that we are already everything and more than we could ever truly ask for. We are a deep, pure love that when shared together only confirms and celebrates this fact even more. How lovely!
Indeed Cherise, any celebration, present or gathering can be empty or void of love or connection depending on the level of connection we have with ourselves.
Wow, what an absolutely magical way to spend Christmas and live the quality of true family. From the choices you both made as parents and the intention you brought, you supported your whole family to deepen the connection and togetherness that brings us true joy. Presents might bring temporary happiness, but connection and family brings a joy and sense of fullness that is eternally present and available to always deepen.
It could not be simpler or clearer Raymond, children and adults alike don’t actually want toys; they want to give and receive love. With love being the intention, love is the outcome. Thank you for sharing.
Well said Bernard. We can easily get tried into showing our love by giving toys, yet it is a flimsy replacement.
Yes, that’s what stood out for me Bernard; Raymond, Sarah and family ended up with the same energy of the loving intention they started with. Planting the seed of love through their discussions at the very beginning produced the abundance of love in the whole at the end.
That is what I loved to; that it was a time the family spent the whole day together had fun and played games. But I am just wondering why did we NEED one commercialised day to do this and not do it naturally more often of our own accord?
I absolutely agree Vicky. Why should we wait until a ‘holiday’ like Christmas or Thanksgiving to come together with true family? I’ve noticed that some families use this time of the year as an excuse to not connect all year round – ‘we’ll see the relatives at Christmas’ can be used to avoid gatherings and building relationships.
Hello Susie, if you leave everything for one or two days a year there will always be a lot to do or have a lot of pressure on you. Imagine if you left cleaning the house how much work there would be to do. Relationships you could say are no different, they need consistent care, love and attention, without that there will always be pressure when you get together for such a short time. Like anything, a consistent care to relationships always makes ‘getting together’ reflect that care. If you leave anything to be just a couple of days a year, the reflection will be no different.
I love how you bring in the importance of consistency in relationships as well Raymond. As plants that need water every day so too need our relationships consistent care and love to grow and flourish.
Agree Vicky and Susie, coming together with family means being in brotherhood with everybody and this is something to be lived on a daily basis. Also most people are not coming truly together at those “special days” but just join the same house or table and then numb themselves with food, alcohol and talking to not truly feel each other. To truly connect is something we have to live and cannot pretend to switch on just on those “special days”.
Well said Rachel – “To truly connect is something we have to live and cannot pretend to switch on just on those “special days”.
This is so true Kristy, whatever happened before playstations, video games and tv!
Absolutely Katie, a must read for all as it shows how it is possible for us to all come together through re-examining our intentions. A beautifully inspiring piece.
Ray I love how whenever you write on a subject it is always relatable and always comes back to simply living in a way that supports not only you but the reader. I felt there is so much in what you share for each of us to take away, that of setting clear intentions and of truly making life about loving connections. It has me pondering on the way I will approach Christmas this year for in truth I have never enjoyed the craziness that Christmas seems to bring up, with all the hype and stress. I feel as you have shown it may be time to bring a fresh perspective to how I choose to celebrate this time of year with my own family. Thank you Ray for showing that it is possible to live another way.
Agree Katie, it is really inspirational and it would be great to share this on lots of social media platforms to get this gorgeous sharing out, especially as many are starting to gear up to the madness that is shopping and planning for the ‘big’ day!
Love it Ray!!! Just love it! Really inspired as I have not engaged with christmas at all this year and have a young child that knows the truth about the old boy with the beard being us but still loves the lights, and presents of it all. We had a great start to her first christmas when she was 2 as our parents live in the NZ and ourselves in the UK so she skyped everyone over a period of christmas eve to christmas day and she really spent time with the person who gave it to her and what it is that they had given her, that set her up to how she now is with presents at this and birthday’s there isn’t that mad rush you describe so beautifully. Yet I still find it all too much nonsense. Especially an only child and only grand child on my side of the family! I was avoiding this year but having read this feel I can take responsibility for what I am feeling and feel what is needed next to set a new foundation of how christmas can be this year.
Yes vanessamchardy, it isn’t about walking away from Christmas or rejecting it, it is about understanding how we can bring the true opportunity for it back into our lives and then not let that go for the other 364 days of the year. We have family all over the world and find we do the same – just such a shame to only ever do it at those times of year. A lovely reminder, thank you.
Ray this is a beautiful account and one which humanity deserves to be reading in our newspapers and lifestyle magazines—everywhere in fact. Connection is natural and setting that as the intention to your family life on christmas, a time when the world is looking for true connection, is a reflection that the world is thirsting for. And it is that simple, to hold first a connection with ourselves and the intention to live that in our close surroundings, this can change others too.
Where I live and in my own family, connecting as a family unit has never been am accepted normal. Families may gather to tick boxes on festivities, but connecting as a unit as such during daily life is not something commonly practiced. When there is no expectations of how this will turn out, but still being consistent in connecting because that is what life is about, there is now a true sense of joy in our household of being together. How powerful it is to read the truly connecting stories of different families around the world and that can be a tapestry that can be put together to express the truth of christmas as well as in every day life, which is the truth of Connection.
Thanks Raymond. Your blog is a refreshing shift to how many people look on gifts for their kids at Christmas time. The true gift is time spent together and your children, in their simple wisdom, have recognised and responded to this. You have given readers plenty to reflect on in terms of their own intentions around Christmas, whether we are talking about adults or children.
A gorgeous sharing Ray. Brilliantly highlighting what is possible when we choose to make Love and togetherness our focus of all that we do. What a beautiful way to spend Christmas and as you say a wonderful way to live every day. Thank you for this simple yet powerful reminder.
What you have written is beautiful common sense and I just wonder why so many of us find it so hard to apply. I cannot think of anybody who would want anything any other way than the Christmas you have described. Thank you so much for making it so totally practical and applicable.
Thank you Raymon what a great article of how to bring family together. There use to be the old days where it was family games and there was so much fun, with today’s gadgets and toys there is so much individuality. It’s great that you was able to change the momentum and bring back that way, it is more loving and bring the family together. Great inspirational blog.
Hello Amita and I agree we have moved further away from things, like the “old days”. I even look at how cars were set up. I have an old car that legally seats 6 but you could easily fit 10 in it if you want. When you drive in it you feel like you are sitting at the dining table, it is so intimate and personal. These days everyone has a seat, an air conditioner, a plug for their head phones etc. Cars aren’t made for us to be together, they are build on comfort for the individual. I am not saying there isn’t some great things available, I love cars old or new. It is just driving in the older car, no radio, no air conditioner, no high seats, it’s all there for you just to be together.
This is such an awesome take on christmas! I absolutely love it. And while I don’t have any young ones in my family, even the thought of buying something that brings my own very small immediate family together is going to be a consideration where as before I would never have even thought about it.
I agree Elodie, this can be applied to children and adults…it actually brings the fun back into Christmas presents when considering how a present can be enjoyed by many. I always loved board games like Monopoly and Cludeo growing up, as it brought my family together and we always had fun playing.
That’s true Sandra. Board games are a great way to have fun with the family. Adults certainly need just as much bringing together as kids do without a single doubt. They’re the tough ones to crack! Including myself. I have such a better feeling about christmas now.
Thank you Raymond for the reminder that life is about connection with each other. There is so much joy in this and when we really connect there is less looking for something outside of our connection to fill us.
‘…intention in which you do something has real power to transform any situation’. What a perfectly well said line Ray. This says it all. Have this focus in the midst of what is probably the biggest marketing campaign of the year, is truly something worth doing!
This is very beautiful to read Ray and a heart warming look at Christmas. The real gift for your children is that they grow up appreciating that being together is more important than the presents. Being ‘present’ together is the gift.
I agree Sandra. So often I hear of children quite obsessed in the lead up to Christmas about the presents they are hoping to receive. Christmas day, in many families is centred around making it a fantastical experience for the children but one, essentially that they don’t grow from. This model is indulgent for the child as well as the parents, as the parents often enjoy seeing their children so excited by the goings on of Christmas day. What Ray has described here though is gold. From Christmas, his children deepen their relationship with each other, something they can then take out to relationships with peers and other adults – What Ray describes is a gift that won’t fizzle out at the end of Christmas day but one that will continue to expand throughout the coming year and beyond.
Your blog Ray shows us that EVERYTHING is indeed about energy first. The change of intention with your Christmas present shopping shows the enormity of change that can happen when we make it about love and togetherness first. Christmas would be very different across the world if we all had this intention when it came to this celebrating this holiday.
Just imagine how it would be…no frenzy, no massive debt, no mass food wastage, unwanted gifts, etc, etc. I stopped participating in what I call the commercial side of Christmas many years ago and each year enjoy a very relaxed time with people I care about with the intention of enjoying spending time together.
I totally agree Donna, Ray has outlined a way to bring forward a future by living it in the present. The setting of the intention in the love and togetherness that Ray and Sarah demonstrated by discussing it and shopping together already changed the day well in advance.
Hello Donna and I agree, life based on how things are feeling, “energy first”. It was significant how Sarah and I lead the ‘coming together’ as well. As you know when you live something first and then make a change from there it has a completely different feeling to something you just speak about. This day unfolded well before the actual day itself as has been said, it just wasn’t left until the day. Life based on how things feel at any moment (the energy) is certainly a more supportive way to live and as we can see the results speak for themselves.
It is all about connection, also around Christmas time. What a beautiful reflection the two of you give your children and therefor the rest of the world. Every day is Christmas, every day is about connection.
We had a similar discussion in our house a few years ago and we decided to work together to come up with one gift something that we could all enjoy equally. At first I wasn’t sure how it was going to be accepted by the kids but it has been amazing to watch it unfold each year. On some years this has been as simple as a totem tennis pole or a board game and others if finance allowed it might be a bit bigger like a family trip.
Whatever we choose, part of the process is working together to come up with something we can all enjoy together, a celebration of our family on one day and how we are together everyday.
Love this Nicole, it feels so loving, honouring and true and shows how our connections are worth celebrating everyday!
“a celebration of how we are as a family everyday” That sums up christmas for me Nicole and it is asking us to be loving and connected at all times not just the holidays. Love is not something to be switched on at christmas like the lights in the trees but to be lived in our everyday lives and then the Holiday season is there for us all to come together and celebrate this love.
I love this Nicole, it feels so joyful and quite different to many of the stories I hear around Christmas time from people talking about how stressful it is, how they’re not looking forward to it, and how present buying has become something of function, to tick a box. Working together as you do to come up with something you can all enjoy is brilliant. Love, love, love it.
“A celebration of our family on one day and how we are together everyday” I love this Nicole. Very beautiful. I can feel how there is such an opportunity to develop and deepen this – true togetherness.
This reminds me of other public holidays where we celebrate one special person ie. mother’s day and instead we can be living this appreciation of others everyday.
Beautiful Nicole, I love this.
I like this revelation Nicole – it is not about, what we buy, but more, working together as a whole and decide together what we will buy. Working as a group together is so powerful, it inspires me.
What Ray describes is the magic that all families want but often don’t understand how to create. Everyone knows deep down that showering their children with presents is not the way to create a harmonious and loving christmas environment. Making this and every other day about sharing and communicating strongly with one another has to be the way to go. It is ultimately far more satisfying to spend less and share more. Children want love and attention, not expensive presents.
This is so true Stephen, ‘Everyone knows deep down that showering their children with presents is not the way to create a harmonious and loving christmas environment’, pretty much all of the parents I spoke to last Christmas, commented on how all of the presents were too much for the children, I also have the feeling that we know this is not it but are not sure how to change it, so this is such a wonderful article that Ray has written about how we can make Christmas about being together and connecting and not just about presents and food.
What gorgeous read Raymond and all this from simply taking the time to reflect on a situation and feel into what worked and what did not. The power of taking stop moments and then taking stock is enormous.
The power of taking responsibility is what I can see from the stop and feel what is actually needed next for us to all grow, Ray’s family is like a micro of the macro if the whole of humanity put togetherness and connection at the heart of their interactions we would live in a very different world!
Great point Carolien taking time to reflect in this way enables us to go a little deeper and really feel into what is true and what is not. Ray’s example could be applied in all aspects of family life and is a beautiful example of how simple it can really be when we examine how our intentions can shift how our life and situations play out.
What an awesome read – thank you Ray! It’s beautiful to read how you and Sarah could, with such simplicity and ease, bring your family even closer together and enjoy the connection and fun that Christmas is all about.
Yes Hannah we seriously laughed when they spent that long on the animal cards from woolies. The over stimulation and huge indulgence Christmas has morphed does not need to be taken on. You can have a great day without reacting to it and just enjoying old fashion values.
Thank you Raymond for inspiring us all to see the opportunity that Christmas brings to support our families in feeling the loving connection that we all desire. The thoughtfully selected group presents are an amazing idea and a great way to keep us connected.
The loving support that you and Sarah provide your family is a gift in itself. JOY in the World.
I love how very simply you have introduced to young children the true intention of Christmas – being together. I also love how there was no resistance to this by anyone and thus the best present was the time you all had together.
And Raymond I absolutely love the fact that this year the kids have asked for presents that bring them together, that’s just glorious!
With Christmas rapidly approaching I’m really going to take on what you say here Ray, although we have an only daughter some of her presents will be games we can all play together and just make the day more about family and friends and everyone.
Thank you Raymond, I dearly cherish what you bring and write, it is always very clear, lovingly to the point and absolutely real and tangible.
Gorgeous Ray. When I was a bit younger what I always loved to organise at school was secret santa. I loved bringing people together and getting them to buy things for one another – having to really think what that person would want (even though they may not be your close friend). I think what you’ve shared is really important, that this time of the year can be used to bring people together not be in separation.
Kirsty, I am envious! Christmas meant cold, rain and slush and far too many emotions for comfort and usually a disappointment when it came to gifts as my parents were quite poor. These days, every day feels quite wonderful so Christmas has lost importance as it would be another wonderful day.
That’s super Christoph, that everyday feels wonderful. That’s how life can be if we choose, and then Christmas is no more special than any other day, apart from maybe a reason to get together with more friends and family to share the joy of how you are already living.
It should not be different than any other day but it is and it is a recurring cycle. In those Christmas days most people have free of work and somehow they build up the whole year like a marathon to go into sprint around Christmas and finally over the goal on New Year. It shows just how they have lived on a daily basis.
That has nailed it for me Kristy – my memories are of emotions, family dynamics, too much alcohol, too much food and much anxiety. Building consistent, connected relationships and celebrating these during Christmas would certainly take out the intensity of this time of year. And would definitely be something worth celebrating.
This is very inspiring Raymond. It is a great example of the power of intention and how that can change the environment around us. Thank you for sharing.
Nice point, Rebecca, intention can change to course of many events.
This is really gorgeous Raymond, ‘There was no running or crazy play, no continual asking about presents – just a moment in the morning we were simply all together.’ What a beautiful way to spend Christmas, I remember growing up that me and my brothers and sisters would get grumpy on Christmas day, we wouldn’t play together just compare presents and when we had our presents we would often go off into our rooms to play with them on our own, on the odd occasion i remember playing games together as a family and these are my fondest memories, not all of the presents.
I remember how excited I was receiving gifts, but how short lived this was. In fact I don’t remember most of the gifts that I received at Christmas time. I also loved being with my family, seeing my cousins and mostly sitting around the table for lunch and having silly conversations. I do remember this and I remember how I felt and how we all felt being together. Even as small and growing children we do know what is important.
What comes across in this blog is how you have not made it all about one day and the presents each child will get, but about all being together and playing together. Awesome. It reminded me of when my two where little, they played together more with a large box in the middle of the living room for weeks after christmas than they did with their toys.
This is so true for parents across the world. The reality is that kids play together for hours on end with a cardboard box, and not with whatever is inside them, yet each year we repeat the cycle with bigger and more expensive presents – but nothing ever compares to the joy and simplicity of togetherness.
So true, Jenny, hours of fun can be had playing together with cardboard boxes, and natural things such as sand, clay, rocks, water etc. But many toys these days stimulate children with bright colours, noises and sophisticated actions rather than allowing them space to make their own fun and eventually some children grow to rely on something to stimulate them and they lose the ability to play together naturally. Present giving at Christmas is part of the problem because people often don’t really feel what the child would like yet they feel obligated to buy and often end up giving something that might look good to them but which is not really appropriate for the child. Then the parents make the children say thank you to the person for the lovely present and so the dishonesty is continued.
Christmas it like a real expense diner. The time and effort from growing the produce organically sourcing only the finest ingredients with hours to prepare… it is eaten in minutes and then forgotten. How many times after all the effort and time to prepare for the big morning; after everything has been opened and unwrapped… there is more fun playing with the big empty box. The only true gift is the one you cant buy, package or give… love.
Dear Ray – with your beautiful blog you have offered us all an opportunity to change our perceptions of Christmas. I know that I have always felt it was about coming together and sharing, but I love the practicality of what you have explored with your wife. I feel that the true essence of Christmas has always been about celebrating our coming together as a family as this expands the feeling that in reality we are all one family.
What I especially enjoyed about this blog was how Christmas can be approached with a steady intention that does not sway to the needs and the excitement of the time, making people and relationships the first and foremost priority.
Very true Kristy Christmas can be one of the very few days we make the time to come together, trying to make up for the rest of the 364 days. A lot of pressure to place on one day, when we could be enjoying that level of connection everyday. Taking the time to connect does not have to be long yet it means so much.
So true Laura B. If people are not connecting with each other during the year, being together at Christmas can be a bit of a strain. There is also so much pressure to ‘have fun’ its no wonder people over eat and drink alcohol to excess to numb the awkwardness of unresolved issues that may be lurking just under the surface.
You’ve nailed this here for me Laura B in that there is often so much pressure on 1 single day to make up for the rest of the year! I’ve found this also often happens with other particular events or days (i.e. weddings, birthdays, anniversaries etc.) – and that when we focus on ‘1’ day we often disconnect from the present by focussing on the future. By staying present in the present, we actually gift ourselves with one of the best gifts we can both give to ourselves and others… our (conscious) presence. :-).. (That’s a lot of presents/presence (pun intended!)!)
This is brilliant Ray! The overall belief we have of Christmas is a time of coming together, yet in reality it can often be one of great conflict and un-settlement. You have just beautifully exposed just one aspect that supports us to all come together. Thank you for sharing your beautiful family with us.
Hello Laura B and I love the feeling of Christmas, people have often slowed down, more people want to say hello, people break out of their routines to see others and visit etc. The only thing is we often just leave it to this time of year. It’s funny in a way because we say it to each other and often joke, why do we only do this one time of year or see you next year or we really should do this more often but rarely do we commit to this. If you love the ‘Christmas feel’ then why not do it everyday? I don’t mean have a holiday and go around and see everyone, give presents and all of that I just mean hold the feeling in everyday. Take that openness, warmth, care, generosity into your everyday life and don’t be swept away for a year only to come back to one day and say the same thing as last year. While work, life, commitments are important I see nothing above people, it’s always great to see them and learn more about each other, have a great Christmas.
What a blessing you bring here in this blog Ray – A role model for true parenting and the Joy of Christmas that is possible to bring to every day of the year.
I have witnessed some’ Christmas frenzies’ with children being totally hyper, getting more fractious as they rip paper of packages, emotional extremes of being disappointed or highly elated from what is in the parcel. The parents in these situation frazzled and exhausted from busy preparations and roller coaster Christmas hype.
Thank you for showing there is another way – loving connection, communication and togetherness
This is inspirational Raymond and very beautiful to feel the quality of you family through your writing. Isn’t this every parent’s dream to have a harmonious family where children get on well together? You have shown the steps needed to be taken by parents to get there. Simply awesome. It is clear that many parents struggle with parenting; have you considered setting up a parent support group for your area?
Hello Rachel, thank you. I think it would be, ” every parent’s dream to have a harmonious family where children get on well together?” Through this blog and comments you can see that you need no longer dream. There is a way you can have this and it’s by dedicating yourself to it day in day out. Not in an arduous or dictating way but by setting the standard or quality by how you are interacting, the relationships you are having in every moment including the one with yourself. We so often look to far down the track and wish for something and believe we need to walk the road in between to ‘get there’. But what if everything you have ever wanted is right here with you already and all you need do is connect to it? This day I have written about just happened to be Christmas day, don’t get me wrong it was significant because of what had happened in our last Christmas and what this day can often hold, so it was more noticeable for us. At the same time this ‘day’ was like any other day because this is how we are with each other, it not perfect but there is a dedication from us to connect with each other, truly connect. If I had just ticked a box as a father then something like this wouldn’t have been there. This day was just an extension, a continuation of something we had done day in and day out. Live something consistently and it will be there for you, we just need to choose what quality we want to live. You can see from the blog and comments how powerful this is. As for the parents groups, I guess unofficially they started a while back and maybe sometime in the future it may be official.
Beautiful Raymond, thank you for writing this. I have always felt that the magic of Christmas is the fact that it does bring people together but presents do have the potential to be all about self and comparison. The choice you describe in aligning the presents you buy to the intention of truly bringing your children together to share shows that there is another way of doing things which is supported the moment you bring this intention to what we do.
Raymond there is such a beautiful feeling in the words that you have shared and when I read the word ‘father’ next to your name I could feel the deep loving care of a true father.
Hello Alexis and it really touches me that you have chosen to highlight this part. I love being a father not only because of the children but because of the opportunity that has been presented to me, the responsibility. The children around me aren’t just blessed by me but I’m blessed by them. A lot of the time I don’t see myself as a father nor as one of the children, I just see myself as being around other people. Sure they maybe smaller than me for now but people are all the same. I don’t talk down to them nor do I accept them running over me, there is a balance but it’s not a ‘give and take’ or ‘good and bad’ approach it’s more a consistent living approach to each moment where you look at what is reflecting to you. I take care, be responsible for my part, connect to what is in front of me and then respond. When you take a consistent self responsible approach to life the world really does open up.
A gorgeous blog to read Ray with the emphasis on a very different way for Christmas and everyday life. Christmas has become so commercial, materialistic and competitive with people often buying more and more expensive presents for even very young children, because this is what everyone else is doing, or to keep the children entertained because parents are too busy to spend quality time with them. Big, shiny loveless packages filled with games or things that offer them isolation rather than togetherness e.g. TV’s for their bedroom, play stations and computer games.
Is it possible this is adding to the alarming mental health statistics in s children and teenagers?
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Thank you for sharing this beautiful Christmas story and the joy of togetherness which has set a new marker in your family. I agree that ‘the intention in which you do something has real power to transform any situation. The more we connect with people, even in just our own family, this can change others as well.’ This is so inspiring and deserves to be widely read.
Thank you Ray. This is probably the first true writings I have ever read on what Christmas is all about and it is beautiful. It has brought a whole new understanding for me.
To consider how we would like things to be and how we can all connect together just makes time together so precious. When we can discuss it with the people that we love so that everyone has a chance to express what they would like to do, it involves everyone and stops misunderstandings and disappointment. Christmas can be so fraught with ideals and beliefs, memories and emotional investments. How lovely to not have any of that but to really celebrate being together.
Hello Amanda and yes this is a blog about what happened on our Christmas Day but equally it’s about a window into our everyday. So what happened on this particular day was also a celebration for how we had lived everyday as a family. It couldn’t have been so solid without a consistent quality outside of just one day. We can often make it just about a day or a meeting or this client etc but if you live a quality in every moment that quality will be there for you, no matter Christmas day or Wednesday it won’t matter because you will stand on the sum total of what you have lived. This is what makes this so simple, it’s not a performance but a livingness, a dedication to a quality of living that holds you thereafter in that same quality, The Way Of The Livingness.
I love that Raymond: “it’s not a performance but a livingness”. This makes life so much simpler and I feel also takes away a lot of the pressure to perform on a certain day. If lived to the best of our ability every day the ‘special day’ like Christmas is already guaranteed to be in the same quality as well.
Raymond, what you share here is GOLD.
To learn from what did not feel true to you and your partner and take loving action to change and bring into the family what you both felt is supporting everyone to enjoy being together is so very beautiful and priceless. You’re an inspiration for all familys empowering them to change paradigms and empty societal rituals to make them loving and meaningfull, by bringing true values to them.
I have often observed at our extended family Christmas the three children drowning under the weight of presents from two or more sets of grandparents, multiple aunties and uncles and distant relatives. They are clearly overwhelmed by what to open next, what to play with, who to say thank you to. I love what you present Ray that it can be simple and include everyone in a way that even the gift giving becomes about connecting with each other.
Hello Michelle and we didn’t just make this about Christmas day. Sure this is where this blog was inspired from but we were just continuing something we had done all through the year and so it wasn’t just on the day about connecting and being together it was another day of the same that just happened to be Christmas. The consistency of what the blog is saying is a big key. Don’t leave it for a day here and there, live what you are consistently and no matter the day it will be there naturally.
I see this too Susan, after Christmas its like the openness and connection celebrated together is retractable, and everyone’s left feeling the emptiness of not deepening and building from that.
Thank you Raymond, such a beautiful reminder of what we are all asking for really, connection and coming together. There are many presents that separate parents from children and children from each other, these are ones that my husband and I are looking at more, and how they impact on the family. The intention that you went shopping with is very inspiring, and I love how it was all based on bringing the family together, interaction and connecting. That is definitely something worth celebrating.
Hello Aimee, thank you and are I agree, “such a beautiful reminder of what we are all asking for really, connection and coming together” As parents with or without children we are inspiring or leading them with what’s important in the world, the value they will hold from their childhood. If you don’t like how the current world feels then lets do something about it. It’s not so much about teaching our children to be different but more living that way and let them see and feel the difference. Something rings true about ‘walking the walk and not just talking the talk’.
With all the hype and frantic hustle that for so long has been the norm for so many in the final days of shopping before Christmas, what you share here Ray is completely game changing. How we are with ourselves and with each other before we go about doing anything will determine how it will unfold. As with Christmas or any other occasion, when the intention is about coming together, in that sharing it can be a celebration.
Hello Giselle and I agree, “How we are with ourselves and with each other before we go about doing anything will determine how it will unfold.” So we are saying we are more than just ‘doing’ things or ticking boxes. It’s about responsibility as you simply set out here Giselle. Be responsible for how you are with yourself first, connect to how you feel. So if you feel racy, scattered, scared, nervous, tense, angry etc etc then the first part is to deal with your part first. I have found that if I’m connected through a simple meditation, the Gentle Breath Meditation, than the world always looks different and how I am in that world is significantly different. Feeling there is more to life and sick of chasing things but feeling like you are never getting anywhere, connect, the Gentle Breath is a great starting and ending point.
Hello Ray Karam, what an absolute delight to read your blog and a beautiful reminder as we head into the silly season to make it about people first and foremost, to make it about being together, about love. Thank you for sharing your story, indeed a healing for all.
Hello Donna Gianniotis, thank you. You have summed the message in this blog up perfectly and simply, “make it about people first and foremost, to make it about being together, about love.”
Another beautiful sharing Raymond! Your reflection about observing what occurred the Christmas before and bringing more to this experience is apt for every day of the year or every event, as you mention. Purposeful would sum up it for me!
That is such a beautiful sharing Raymond; the approach of making it about being together first sounds great, but it can be theoretical for many; just nice words. But what you describe here is so practical and I can feel how it set up the whole Christmas time completely differently. There was no hardness or strictness needed, just really claiming what this time is about, for you and your family, and the rest evolved from that decision and commitment.
Hello Esther Auf der Maur, thank you. It all is based on what you truly want. Do you see what’s going on around you and just want to look after yourself or do you see that things really need to change. Make the change yourself in how you are in the world and the world will change. This change is ongoing and some things need a consistency before they can be turned around. Christmas is one of those, there is so many do’s and don’ts based on what we think should happen around this time of year. As we are all saying here, there is more to this day and to life then just ticking a box. Connect deeper and deeper to yourself and what you feel. If this makes no sense to you google the ‘Gentle Breath Meditation’ and this will give you a base to start. It’s a meditation I use every day, in fact now it’s just a normal part of my life.
This was beautiful to read and feel Ray. Christmas for many can be a box ticking exercise and a real drive to just get it over with. But it is a beautiful opportunity for us to truly connect with our families and friends and that is something worth cherishing. Thank you.
So true Kelly. We seem to focus on what needs to be done the have a ‘good’ Christmas. When it is a beautiful opportunity to celebrate our families being together, all at once and appreciate and cherish the love we share.
Hello Kelly Zarb and what are great time of year it is when you look at it from there. Christmas use to mean all manner of things but now like everyday it’s simple, connection, to yourself first and then to everything else. We can say a lot of other things but it all comes down to connection. Thank you Kelly enjoy your day and your Christmas.
Parents tend to buy presents for their kids in Christmas that guarantee (as much as possible) that they will be entertained on their own as much as possible. The truth is that parents seldom feel into what does a particular gift to a child. How is the child at the beginning of the use of the present and afterwards? The gift, unfortunately, tends to come loaded with consequences for everyone to ‘enjoy’ afterwards. Our choice of gift for them is not without consequences; it is also a reflection of the relationships parents have with their kids (entertained please, but out of my way).
Well said Eduardo, many parents still try and ‘score points’ by giving their children what they want, or what will keep them satisfied for a while, rather then to feel what supports the child in playing in a way that it can be with itself and all others equally. For parents to take the lead again instead of being led by the toy industry and the impositions it puts on their children can bring about a huge change.
I have to admit to not giving much time or thought to the presents but with your sharing here Eduardo it highlights along with Ray’s experience how important it is to really consider and feel what is required to support them to be themselves… not disconnect and tune out!
Hello Eduardo Feldman and I agree. This will happen when we are making a conscious choice to feel what is true. If ‘everything is energy’ and we aren’t choosing what energy governs us then that is still a choice, albeit one without responsibility. Choose to be responsible for your own breathe and what you do in the world and things look amazingly different. We get pushed around in the world and so at Christmas we just follow the masses into whatever they are doing or we react and do the opposite. What this blog is about is choosing how you breathe consciously in every moment and bringing all things to how they feel from there. It’s not right or wrong or doing what’s best, but more basing life on feeling. Walking, connecting to your breathe and from there being guided by how things feel.
An inspirational read for anyone approaching Christmas seeking to save it from being the frenzied, empty experience it can so easily become. More importantly, there’s a deeper message about the criticality of intention in everything we do and how with that intention, a momentum builds in line with it.
What a wonderful example of the way Christmas can be. I love the thoughtful planning and the intention you both felt about how you could go making Christmas about being together and not about the presents themselves before you went out to do the Christmas shopping and with that intention the ease you were able to complete the shopping in and to then see all 5 children sharing and participating together – a wonderful united family. And you did the shopping together how many couples even take the time do that?
Great point Deirdre, ” And you did the shopping together how many couples even take the time do that?” How many couples get together and reflect on growing Christmas before they even go shopping together? This is worth considering as this togetherness has really been set in place well in advance bringing a future forward that holds all the very same qualities.
Absolutely agree with you, Amina, this is truly a consciousness breaking article. The intention that Raymond and his wife have worked from is so inspiring to me. I wish I had had this knowledge when I was bringing up my children many years ago. Now my grandchildren are very grown up, in the old way, I have to accept that they are as they are. But I would dearly love a family picnic, something really simple for Christmas day, a day where we can really relax and enjoy being with each other.
It is true Amina & Beverley, Ray’s blog is a consciousness breaking contribution. I have been looking at the ideals, beliefs and patterns around Christmas for some years now but struggled to change them and this piece comes at a time when I am really ready to let go of the old ways and start new traditions for our family.
Raymond, the way that you and your wife are bringing up your children is absolutely ground-breaking. What a wonderful Christmas you will have as a family once more this year. I just love your intention that you have worked from to bring about such a beautiful day for all of you. Would that more families would look at Christmas this way, yes it should be a family day, all about a true connection, and your family is showing others how this may be approached. This is absolute gold. My family is very grown up and set in their ways, I have to just accept that, but I would love to experience a Christmas such as you will be having. I have in the past suggested a family picnic, but no takers. Next time around for me?
Hello Beverley Croft and thank you for this lovely comment. It’s touching to be appreciated in this way. If there is another thing I have learnt in life it’s consistency. So often I get caught running what I want to people and them rejecting it. From there it would look like I’m offering something and then they are saying no. But I have seen that people want to be together, they want to connect and sometimes they need to feel or see the trust consistently. Maybe it’s time to suggest the ‘family picnic’ again, I’m not saying there will be any takers but you may need to lead the way. Sometimes we put pressure on someone or people with the way we ask things, this is another thing I have learnt from having children. Being aware of how I speak to them, everyone wants to feel they have a choice and not a lot of people I know enjoy being told what to do. I am not saying this is how it is for you but I love consistency, it seems to hold people and with this in time they trust.
Your writing here offers so much Raymond because so often people scratch their heads (myself included) and go “why did that happen that way” (i.e. Kids scratchy at Christmas, ripping off their presents and wanting to get to the next one” or you can insert anything here). But what you offer is that a series of events are far more interconnected than we think and it is our intention that laces these events far more than we ever know. Thank you.
I agree Sarah, the intention behind anything is so much more powerful than we realise.
Yes and deeply felt.
I agree Sarah. What Ray has shared certainly asks us all to reflect what Christmas means for us. Is it about just getting through it or is about bringing quality of connection, love and togetherness to this day that we share with our families? Yes Ray has offered how the power of intention plays a massive yet at times subtle part in how we end up spending Christmas day, and in truth our every day. This is truly a beautiful and an empowering message – thank you.
Yeah Sarah it is something that we like to play ignorant to but I feel most of us know deep down how much we are making choices that affect our lives in a profound way but want to play being ignorant to get away with not being responsible!
So true Sarah, what I noticed was really different that Christmas was that we were not trying to show the kids how much we loved them through the presents but instead Ray and I were confirming how much we have come together and how great that feels. In the past I have brought the kids presents because I want them to know how much I care but they are sensitive and pick up on it wether they say it or not, it is expressed in not valuing the gifts thus unwrapping them and chucking them over their shoulders.
This is great Sarah. Your comment helps to clarify something that hasn’t been sitting right for me for a long time! What is the purpose of buying presents anyway? Is the amount I spent a direct reflection of much I love my child? No! To confirm and appreciate how we have come together as a family and the love we build each day, this is a purpose that has meaning for me and gives value to the items bought in that quality of intention.
Hello Sarah Flenley and I love how you have highlighted the “interconnected” part. If we look at a day in isolation, like Christmas day then it seems easy to get caught up in things that aren’t necessarily about caring for the people around you. It seems that the focus is more just on you and what you get. If you look at everyday as being connected to the next or every moment being connected to the next then every day is just a reflection of the day before. So if you live everyday with the intention or dedication to bring people together, truly together then Christmas day will reflect this also. If you find this is not the case in any one day, then time for a pause and reflect on what is being said by that. As I wrote we saw and felt something wasn’t quite right with our Christmas and we chose to make a change but the change didn’t just happen on the day it was happening everyday and Christmas was just another day in that change. That’s a great word Sarah, ‘interconnected’, thank you.
I love that Raymond: “we chose to make a change but the change didn’t just happen on the day it was happening everyday and Christmas was just another day in that change.” This is very inspiring. I have just realised that I experienced the same today. I am having my birthday next week and last year noticed that I was in a momentum of knowing I wanted to celebrate my birthday but not really doing anything about it and then not having a real birthday celebration like I felt to do. This year I caught the pattern early and made my birthday celebration about bringing light to the city I live in with celebrating me, I followed my impulses and find myself now one week before gently preparing for next week. It is all coming together beautifully and I feel I am already lighting the city as well celebrating all my loveliness. It is indeed not about the one day, but living it every day.
What a beautiful thing to read about all that is everything starts with the true intention, bringing people together. I do agree that is what life is about.
Wow this is evolution and everyone on this planet should read this… I absolutely love it and feel so inspired and also confirmed like yes I knew this is possible. I have lived it just in bits, not completely yet …lets see how this year will unfold. My Christmas wish is absolutely another day of being together with my sister and kids and do some arts and crafts; and from my mum I wish once going to shop together, from my dad still in progress oh I know one walk together. I already told my sister and will this weekend tell my parents. Thank You so much for sharing and living this, I deeply appreciate what you have shared.
What a lovely Christmas story Raymond, you can clearly feel the loving intention and connection with each other that your family shares. Christmas, or any time spent at all without truly connecting with each other is pretty empty.
As much as people often complain about Christmas I always enjoy getting together with family and friends.
Gorgeous to read Raymond. This way of parenting is something I look forward to do too! I have seen so many parents that don’t enjoy it or just are to tired to enjoy it. To be honest at times parenting did not look so appealing to me with kids running around making a lot of noise etc. Your blog clearly shows that everything is a reflection and when you commit to it there is so much you can change. Parenting does not need to be a struggle or exhausting it can be a beautiful learning process. Thank you.
The Christmas you describe feels so beautiful Raymond. Many times I have stretched myself at Christmas time hoping that the perfect gift, party decorations or food will ‘make the day’. This has led to a lot of disappointment as I was always missing the beautiful connection you describe here. Thank you for the beautiful reminder of what it is to celebrate true family.
I can so relate to the disappointment Leonne, and have felt this after many Christmas days and birthdays. I found it was mostly when so much attention is on the presents and making sure everyone and everything is covered, it all looks good, and people are impressed, there’s so much food and its the main attraction and you spend hours and hours together but leave feeling like, in all that time, no one has really connected with each other. Once I let go of giving so much attention on what things looked like, and was more open and honest with how much I loved connecting and being altogether, there was no disappointment, and I thoroughly look forward to getting together with family and friends.
Leonne, I think most people stretch themselves prior to Christmas and on Christmas day focusing on lots of things outside the very simple act of connecting with others like food, gifts, decorations. Our family has let most all of these things go and we make it time for us as a family and it is so relaxing and loving.
Spot on Leonne. I always remember Christmas time being tinged with a palpable sadness as all the tinsel, fairy lights, presents and cake never made up for love and connection I always craved.
This is a powerful blog Ray clearly demonstrating how life is about everyone and not just the individual. We all play a part and it is our connections with ourselves and with others that brings the harmony the world needs (or not). It also clearly exposes that how we are with ourselves reflects a message to all those around us, and what message we reflect is our choice in every moment.
This was so beautiful to read Ray and such a different picture to what most people experience at Christmas. Every part of this was so gorgeous in setting and bringing to fruition the foundation of togetherness and connection amongst your family. This is an inspiration for it not only reflects a true Christmas but a true family within it.
Beautifully said Samantha – ‘This is an inspiration for it not only reflects a true Christmas but a true family within it.’ – I couldn’t agree more. Ray and Sarah are amazing roles models with the way they choose to live together as a family, choosing the togetherness of Love to be their foundation.
Beautifully put Samantha, I am intrigued by the delicacy of this living story, and how this major experience is a result of the family unity in Raymond and Sarah their lives (With the children). To me it gives a real example that living from brotherhood in a family is possible and absolutely enjoyable. Just like the Benhayon family. Lets look at our old foundation and see where our love is lacking, putting an effort to make life lovingly, just like we are putting effort into Christmas.
Samantha that is true – Ray showed us that there is another way how a family can be together and for me it is an invitation to follow him to do the same.
Thank you Raymond, what a gorgeous way to celebrate, making it all about bringing people together and truly connecting.
WOW Ray, this is LOVE IN ACTION. Your children are very blessed to have you and Sarah as parents. Thank you for being a role model on how to bring people together. All it takes is some care eh?! and a willingness to not repeat what hasn’t worked. Quite simple.
Lovely blog Raymond, and very inspirational. I really like the concept of changing Christmas and the way we spend the day because last year the children in our home really did get caught up in the presents and we can’t blame them because we are the ones buying the presents in the first place and creating the scene. Nothing just happens, we are choosing all the time, even when we think we haven’t chosen.
Well said Rosie, it’s easy to get caught up and then that’s the result we get. What Raymond shares is very inspiring for us all; and it’s not hard, but it does take a focussed approach, based on true love.
So true Rosie
We make it hard for ourselves by making the choices that we do and then we wonder why we get anxious around Christmas time or any ceremony or event.
Thanks Rosie, “Nothing just happens, we are choosing all the time, even when we think we haven’t chosen.” We set the scene to every play in our lives. We don’t often wish to see responsibility this deeply but it’s true whether we see it or not. Life doesn’t just happen, things just don’t happen, our hand is there first. If you are looking for something to change then the best place to start is within you and then everything will truly change around you from there.
I was recently at a shopping centre. The whole ‘Santa’ display in the middle of the isle often makes me cringe. It was interesting to observe parents drag their kids to sit beside a fake Santa to take photos, often there are long queues of restless children and when they are sitting beside Santa some of them look very uncomfortable and the younger ones tend to cry. I remember my kids were afraid of Santa at the shopping mall, they were not at all keen to go near him and they would walk past with cautious looks. I can totally understand why.
Yes it is a strange concept and I have wondered why these photograph of scared children are then proudly displayed in the home.
It just goes to show how deeply we have lost contact with what is truly going on.
Hello Chan and I have seen what you are talking about as well, this is the world ‘we’ live in though. It’s great to see these things and then equally offer something else, a true alternative for people. We can sit and see all the things ‘wrong’ with the world and if we are taking an active part in change then collectively ‘we’ are the world. Most are just doing what they were shown as being the way and are doing it year after year. By nature people aren’t like this and people in the community living a true way will soon pull these type of things up.
It feels so lovely Ray, how you, Sarah and your children have turned around how you celebrate xmas together and have brought in a different way of celebrating and bringing you all together, which to me is what xmas is all about. It felt very lovely to read and even though my family don’t buy gifts for each other and haven’t for a long time, having more of that togetherness at our Xmas lunch would really bring a loving change for all. Thank-you for sharing, it was a delight to read and I felt like I was there with you all.
I love this line, ‘Christmas is about, but what life is about –– bringing people together, truly together, and not just ticking a box.’ This is what I love about Christmas too. I feel most people put emphasis a lot on the presents and forget about truly connecting with each other. Often when you ask children what they love about this time of the year and most would say the presents. So, I feel it is possible to start making it about connecting with people first, which is far more precious, valuable and meaningful than any present we can exchange.
I love the simplicity and power of this message. Too often are we taught to think of self and what we want or need, but rarely do we take the time to stop and see the often detrimental effects of these isolating behaviours we are choosing. Life is about people, and the joy shared with another is absolutely everything, it beats any present hands down.
Raymond this is fantastic to read how you have completely changed the way you, your partner and children connected and are able to be together for Christmas. That is definitely worth celebrating. This is a great blog for everyone to read the ‘Christmas Madness’ that certainly is a crazy way of celebrating being together as a family.
Raymond what you share powerfully confirms what is possible with clear intention and working together. I love the way you and your wife reflected on the purpose of Christmas and what you wanted for your children and family: to make the day about sharing, playing, communicating together and not just opening presents. For many opening presents is the main event, followed by food. You have re-imprinted Christmas day forever. I’m sure many will be inspired by what you share.
Well said kehinde2012, Christmas has been re-imprinted for ever. This feels so true. The energy behind just ripping presents open and then stuffing ourselves with food is total emptiness, I feel. And why? Because the connection bit is missing. And that is what Raymond so beautifully re-introduces to Christmas; and nobody is too old or too young to want and enjoy and blossom with connection; no indulging in food or alcohol needed after that. : ).
This is powerful Raymond as nowhere has it been said or even mentioned that there is a different way of doing presents and that there are in fact two very differing qualities of intention that this process can be done in. This factor alone is huge to consider especially when the quality of the outcome differs enormously. This is not only a message for present shopping but also one for life in general.
Hello Joshua Campbell, I have seen your comments elsewhere and appreciate what you are saying here. This is exactly the way this change was made, “This is not only a message for present shopping but also one for life in general.” It wasn’t merely about Christmas or presents but about how our everyday was that lead to this point. They say you are the sum total of the quality of life you live. So if you don’t like how you life looks and feels then make the change for yourself in your every moment. Life only reflects what you have put into it and so if the quality of what you see doesn’t sit well with you then keep deepening the quality you are within yourself and appreciate how things feel from there. It maybe a ‘hard pill to swallow’ at times but as we can see here it’s one worth getting on with. Thanks Joshua.
Christmas should be about bringing people and families together, and the approach that you and your partner have gives your children a beautiful marker to refect back on in the future.
Hello Peter Campbell and I agree. It’s shows that we don’t need to ask it from the world either. Start yourself on what you see needs to change in the world and make it your everyday. In the past I have so often said what needs to change and discussed it but never got off my own backside to do anything about it. I didn’t create a scene or make a big speech about something but merely just made a change in me and around me. From what I have seen if I want the world to change then that is a reflection for me to change. So in this case I looked outside and didn’t like what I saw and felt what it was for me. I made the change from there and then was open to the process that was going on around me. Often in the past I have seen this but then looked for the outside to change merely because I had spoken about it. As they say ‘walking the walk and not only talking the talk’.
My Christmas has always been a small one, being an only child. Even though I don’t have an abundance of blood family i.e. cousins, uncles, brothers, sisters or my father during this time of year. I have never felt Christmas lacking in any family intimacy. Often our Christmas would be shared with other families and we would come together to enjoy our day. Christmas is more then the food and gifts but celebrating family, whether that be blood or your friends.
One more parenting show stopper you present here is how you felt exactly who to give what presents to. Like you say some were for two children and some were for all five. I have never heard of parents doing this as it can challenge the concept of what we feel is ‘fair’ yet the way you went about doing this felt very honouring and fair for the entire family and the children seem to agree. Amazing.
Totally Amazing Abby! A pretty awesome experiment that was bound to be a success purely through the intention of it in the first place. Can’t go wrong if the intention is love and connection first. Not a person on the planet would be able to resist that.
Well said Abby. What Ray has shared certainly highlights the power of honoring what feels true and supportive for the whole family rather than being led by the expectations imposed by consumerism and what is deemed as the proper things to do for a ‘winning’ Christmas. This is reflected beautifully and a confirmed by what the children asked for the following year.
I agree Abby this true way of giving presents challenges all kinds of notions we have about how children should be treated, fairness being one. I loved the fact that some of the presents were for all five children, something they could share and do together instead of it all being about ‘me’ and ‘mine’ – true brotherhood.
That stood out for me too, Abby. I haven’t heard before of this true way of honoring of what is needed for everyone at that point in time. Instead it is ever so common that presents need to be fair and each should get exactly the same number of presents or the same amount of money spent. If we all would trust we know each of us get exactly what is needed at the perfect timing, because that is how life is.
Hello Abby and ah the old fairness in the large family scenario. I don’t buy into ‘fairness’ at any time of the year. Children are individuals as you know, they are just little people and so in that way I don’t treat them any different. Just because it’ done for one doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the thing for all. Timing is everything in this and what you bring to one child may bring a completely different thing to another even though the 2 are linked. We are group of people in the end, together as a family. ‘Fair’ brings a one size fits all approach to family and in a world where we are crying out for connection and to be seen it doesn’t really fit. It seems to make things look better rather than following what feels true.
Thank you for this blog Ray as you say it is a very practical example of the power of intention. Often in the lead up to Christmas I see people stressed about everything they need to do to complete year end requirements at work to organising their family time presents & food for Christmas – so this is a very timely reminder in the lead up to Christmas to remind us of the intention and quality we can prepare for this day in and with.
Yes Abby and each year you set this intention it becomes easier and supports you more. After the incredible Christmas Ray and I had with the 5 last year, we actually feel held coming into it again rather than the usually pressure of stress that may be present for many.
Raymond what a beautiful difference it made in your children’s response to opening up their Christmas presents when you made it the intent that their presents were all about bringing them together more. That’s definitely what Christmas is all about- “bringing people together, truly together and not just ticking the boxes”.
Sadly, we see so much commercialism around Christmas. People place so much importance on this one day and the need to ‘get it right’ re presents, food, meeting all the relatives that this creates stress instead of harmony.
Ray, it’s great that you have been able to demonstrate that, ” … the intention in which you do something has real power to transform any situation” and especially to have shown that a usually crazy time of the year is completely transformed, simply by holding a different intention for it. To bring this awareness to what can be an actually unpleasant time of year for many many people, is a godsend.
Sounds like you’ve nailed it Ray, a way to bring the family together and not just feed the consumer drive desire for more.
Joel you have nailed it as well.
Yes Joel, I have been apart of the rush around the shop grabbing everything that you can to try show your kids that you love them mode but it just does not work. You end up stressed and then that is felt by the kids in the presents you choose for them. This year there is no anxiety in the lead up and no demand from the kids. Its seems like the tone that Ray and I set for last year is going to expand and be even more awesome this year.
Hi Ray
I am very impressed when I read your sharing about Christmas that your children were so not excited. I have not heard or witnessed this before. Your Christmas felt very spacious to me with the children playing together before they went into opening more presents, which just goes to show the love, wisdom and presence that you and Sara bring to your parenting.
Ray, it is so great to read this and experience how Christmas can be if the parents hold a true and loving intention about how they feel things need to be. I feel this is re-imprinting Christmas for many other families because it really has got way out of hand in many homes with children ripping into presents, discarding them quickly to open the next. How much more fulfilling Christmas can be for everyone, when it can be experienced in this way.
What a real blog, Raymond, with so many gems in it. I love and absolutely agree with your wrap up: “life is about –– bringing people together, truly together, and not just ticking a box.”
We don’t celebrate Christmas that way in The Netherlands, but we do have Sinterklaas and I recognize the rush to open presents, the greediness to get as much as possible and not feeling connected to each other. I used to just want to run away or stop celebrating Sinterklaas all together. It is awesome how you offered the foundation of coming together, by the intention you bought the gifts in.
Very true Ray and I suspect this is why Christmas can feel for many, such a lonely and often empty time of year with the focus being on family yet without that intention of really being together and sharing each other.
Hello rosanna bianchini and this would be the confusion over Christmas as well. When you have everyone around you, food and gifts but still feel an ache or an empty feeling. I remember it at times and always wondered how this could be, I thought there was something wrong with me. Now I know what I was missing was connection, but not others connecting with me but the fact that I had taken the time and dedication to do this for and to myself. We don’t need to look to others to give us something we aren’t first willing to give to ourselves. The reason ‘my’ Christmas was like I wrote about was because the quality ‘I’ had been living with myself first. In other words, you live a quality and that quality will be reflected in your everyday.
I really love the way you plan Christmas with your whole family and how well you observed your children and what supports you all the most to live and play harmoniously together. I felt wrapped up in love as I was reading your blog and also very inspired as some of what you write is what I have been feeling to do with my grandchildren. So much more honouring and equal for everyone and you all get to really connect and have fun together.
What you have expressed Ray feels awesome and the exercise you have carried out as far as Christmas presents for your kids is unique but very effective, I can feel the intent of unity in the act and its quite powerful
Hello Joe Minnici, thanks. That’s a funny thing we didn’t set out to do anything but merely felt into and reflected on what had been and then felt into what to do next. This wasn’t about making someone do anything either it was just about do what we felt. There was still a choice to be made on the day and we wouldn’t have been upset if it didn’t go like it did, to be honest I didn’t know what would happen and there was no picture of how it was going to look.
Christmas is such a weird time of year – families thrown together, or feeling they should gather whether they want to or not, the fun decorating the tree, the boredom of what’s on TV, the question of when does everyone open their presents, the lies about Father Christmas, and the meals where everyone eats far too much. This Christmas I shall be alone as my adult children are spending it elsewhere. I could treat it as just any other day and see how that feels – we make such a fuss over just one day, when every day could be like Christmas.
It’s interesting Carmel having Christmas day on your own. A few years ago I was on my own for Christmas and it was all dandy, until everyone around me started to make a fuss about me being on my own for Christmas. There is such expectations what this day is and the reality is that even though people may well be in the same house or room even are they really together. At the time I did get caught up in the emotion of what was being presented and felt awful. The strange thing is that I love my own company and spending time on my own never worries me at all. So why then? I think I still had expectations too, expectations on what Christmas should look like. Really their is no ‘should’ for that is a pure set up.
Thank you for sharing how beautifully you have brought family back to Christmas. For sharing that a day of celebration does not have to be one of mayhem but of loving harmony.
What a beautiful turn around that has left me pondering as to how I will bring this inspiration into the way I give, and the gifts I give, to my nieces and nephews.
This is very beautiful Ray, what you have shared has the power to touch many a heart, bringing it back to as you say what it is all about ‘bringing people together, truly together’.
I agree Anna, many could learn a lot from reading what Ray and Sarah are doing here as a family. Their family just feels so gorgeous.
A beautiful honoring Anna of the power of the truth shared throughout this article.
I have never clearly felt the connection between brotherhood and Christmas, thank you for spelling it out so clearly in your blog Raymond.
When we set the intention before taking action it holds and guides us through the process of what is required to be done, this is clearly shown Raymond, by your experience with buying Christmas presents for five children in only three hours, what an amazing affirmation of what is possible, when we clearly set the intention beforehand.
‘When we set the intention before taking action it holds and guides us through the process of what is required to be done’ – Very true Thomas! I find having a plan of what needs to be done is super useful, although can go downhill when I have expectations of achieving certain outcomes at the end of it.
Hello Thomas Scott and yes ‘intentions’ are very powerful. Coming together and unifying on what was in front of us was the key. It bought the house together before any presents were bought. ‘Us’ staying solid together in what we felt really set the scene for what was coming. It didn’t really matter in a way because it was already done, Christmas day felt great well before the 25th of December and it has carried well beyond. The deep connection to ourselves and each other carried us through every part, we didn’t just race out and do what we had decided but more stayed together beyond just physically. Every part of this process was about being together and so we bought that into every step. It didn’t matter what the discussion or action was about, it was seeded with ‘connection’ or ‘togetherness’ and so this care in every step fed us back there after. It was simple really, our every action, every moment was a confirmation of what was coming in the future. In other words we lived what we wanted in the future now. So you want a beautiful Christmas together with people, live it now in your every step with the people around you or beside you. Sarah and I brought this together from how we lived with each other, well before Christmas and now well beyond.
Its unbalanced how we place such an emphasis on celebrating Christmas for only one over a period of a whole year, it feels false and strange when the same people you see all year suddenly say,” happy Christmas” and every one makes an effort to be ‘nice’, or kind to others for that one day. If one is living in a un-loving of closed off way year in and year out we cant suddenly switch on magically being ‘nice’ or friendly to another.
I have to say what you described about the way there was no rush to get the presents on Christmas day is something I have never witnessed, I have observed that there can often be comparison and competition between children and rushed frenzy to open the presents (also sometimes with adults but un-expressed!) Its gorgeous to feel you setting the intention before Christmas and then letting it unfold from the intention, very inspiring.
I agree Thomas you could feel the care and attention brought to the children, thus the suggestion to offer group gifts was met with understanding and love back from the children. It really impressed on me the importance of building this as a foundation ever present the whole year and what an amazing model of a true family that can come from it and what was then possible at the craziest time of the year.
That’s beautiful Raymond to set the intention of Christmas and the presents, being about coming together and playing together in true connection, and not from obligation as I have witnessed many family’s do.
Hello Thomas Scott and while I agree the ‘obligation’ I could see was because that’s how I was. It’s one thing to look at others ‘doing’ something but the next part is to bring awareness to the fact that it’s more personal then that. Self responsibility is an important key in being able to see what is truly going on around you. We didn’t look at others as a motivation to change how we were, we saw what was around us, felt how it was in our home, saw that it didn’t support us and made the choice to bring the change. In other words what we saw in others was actually how we were, a reflection for us. This reflection didn’t feel great and so together we discussed it until we could feel the difference. It wasn’t about making a better looking Christmas but more about how it felt. This Christmas in the blog felt great and really marked what this day is about for us, being truly together beyond just one day.
What a real gift and blessing for life you and Sarah bring to your children. When I remember back, this is what I have always wanted; our family in a joyful way together, not only for christmas, but all the time. As a little girl it was the best thing, when we sat together at the dinner table and not the gifts and toys, but the union and connection.
‘As a little girl it was the best thing, when we sat together at the dinner table and not the gifts and toys, but the union and connection’ – Gorgeous Monika. Can you imagine what it would be like if families did this every evening though, not just on Christmas. I’ve always found it interesting how a lot of families see events like Birthdays, Easter or Christmas as ‘the time’ to get together, when this could be done throughout the entire year, not just on certain days!
Hello Monika Korb thank you and the same for me. Most of my cherished memories are about being together with my parents or family and little to with what I got. It’s a great time of year for the simple reason is I find people are more wanting to say hello and chat. The world goes into a slow down and people come out of their rush and dash from one thing to the next. As you say it’s all about the “union and connection” not just for this day “but all the time”.
Wow, Christmas is coming round again. I noticed this too, how the kids would storm through the sack, leaving the toys littered behind them… unplayed with. A sort of mad rush to I know not where. What I enjoy most about the blog is the deliberateness with which you stood back from it, allowed the idea of a different kind of present to drop in, and then engaged the whole family with it. No wonder there was that feeling of it being complete when the day finally arrived.
Hello Simon Williams and yes I noticed the children because I also remembered doing it myself as a child. So often I have reacted to how I was raised and did the opposite to my children if I didn’t like what was done to me. For example if I thought I didn’t have a enough, answer, give my children more. But this was a flawed way of thinking because it still felt the same but just looked better. What I setup last Christmas was current to what was going on in front of me. I didn’t bring in my past to flavour it but as you say Simon I “stood back from it” and observed what was going on. From there I felt where as a family we needed to move to. I discussed this with my partner and between us we united on a direction. The way we did this already confirmed what we were doing for Christmas, in other words our unity or togetherness set the quality for what was coming. It was a belief or a hope or a wish, it was a lived quality that happened well before the chosen day. This is a quality we have lived beyond this day and now brings towards us a Christmas that is far greater or deeper than the one before. Thanks Simon.
This is the bigger picture here, one that society as a whole could benefit greatly from understanding. That this one day, Christmas Day, is not a stand alone day. It follows on from the previous and rolls on into the next. How you are before will determine how that one day feels, the quality of the day. If the presents were brought in a rush, as a necessity, out of need, an emptiness, all these things will be felt, even if they are not discussed. It is actually a day which highlights so clearly the way in which we have chosen to live.
Christmas has become so commercialised and about the presents and the indulgence of food that we have forgotten that it is about people first, it is about family and the bringing together of people. I feel you have taken Christmas to a new level Raymond, buying presents that are for everyone and not for each child means there is a natural bringing together, a unity that has been diluted and lost over the years. I loved the way you talked to your children and explained what was going to happen so they had time to accept and understand the changes you were making. To me this shows how accepting children are, if we give them the space and grace to see there is another way.
A timely blog to read Raymond. Christmas is on my mind and for the first in a long time we will have 13 for dinner. Over the last few years I have rejected some aspects of Christmas. One of them was not buying presents for everyone. It’s something that caused me a lot of stress, not to mention expense. As my children are now grown up it wasn’t too difficult a thing to do. With so many coming to our house this year we decided on doing a secret Santa where we all buy one present for one person in the family and we set a maximum budget. I love the idea you had of buying presents for your children that they can play with together. I have been thinking of games we as a family could play too.
I love what you have shared here it is breaking the mould and definietly shows the power of reflection, intention and connection. What I could feel was how this was so more loving for the family. It was about your family everyone and not just about presents. It is easy to get someone a present but how many families do this with the thought of ‘I have to’ or feeling stressed, with no true love behind it. I love giving presents but reading your blog feel I do not truly stop and reflect on this to take it deeper, expand or change what I normally do. It has inspired me to break the mould and do things lovingly in a different way. Thank you.
Hello Vicky Cooke and like everything there is always a deeper level to feel or see. If you love what is shared here then you are already taking it deeper. Appreciate even the little things you see or the little changes you make. Even if things don’t ‘go well’ there is always something to appreciate. I have found appreciation goes along way to supporting that ‘deeper’ step and making it solid.
What you have shared here gold, Ray and all parents need to read this. When I look around at all the shops advertising their Christmas wares, all the decorations, all the ads on TV and radio focussed on Christmas presents, I really feel the tick boxes and we all get sucked into it. Ironically it is supposed to be Jesus’ birthday but I am not sure that he would be very impressed with how we celebrate his birthday and I’m not sure he would want an invite! Intention to make things different and connection to our families and humanity could change this day forever.
Hello Anne Hishon and great point. We are far greater than we choose to see. If we can see something that isn’t true or you may say that doesn’t feel right then we have the power to change it. Make the change by connecting to what you feel rather than just doing what everyone else does, or doing what the world says you should do. Do this in a consistent way and your life will be different. Since I wrote this blog so much has changed from living this way and by Christmas who knows. I’m not down on Christmas, I love this time of year but my intention doesn’t alter, it’s still about people. I can give a gift but there is more then just the physical buying a present happening. Serge Benhayon has supported me by showing me the power of connecting, connecting consistently to how you feel and then taking that out everywhere. The days may change but connecting is consistent, not just watching the world go by but being present in every moment. Thank you Anne.
What a beautiful blog Ray. Over the past few years I have pondered on what Christmas is really about. I have gradually distanced myself from it, not wanting to get caught up in all the commercialism, over eating, indulgence, the frenzy of ‘getting everything done’. I don’t have a Christmas tree anymore nor decorations and this year I have decided not to send cards either. Looking back the best thing about Christmas for me was the family gatherings. Something I always did at Christmas, and this felt special, magical even.
I can remember getting excited as a child about opening my presents and looked forward to finding a satsuma at the bottom of my stocking!Then when I had opened them it was back to the feeling of emptiness as to what was it all about in the first place. Maybe this is what children feel, after all how many of us have shared that when our children have opened their presents they spend the next four hours playing with the cardboard box it came in! Buying presents to share is an amazing idea Ray, it feels like you are giving your children a true gift, a taste of brotherhood, which is something that children are naturally good at. We fill their lives with more and more ‘things’ which overwhelm them. At the end of the day, why DO we buy so many presents for our children, is it to show that we love them, or because we feel guilty, when all our children want is to be met, and being met is not just for Christmas! 🙂
Sandra what a great point…Do we buy presents to show our love or because we feel guilty? There is an ouch in that for most I would say. But always an opportunity to re-imprint as Raymond and Sarah have done. A day to celebrate how they are everyday and perhaps set new markers on which to base every day thereafter.
Hello Sandra Henden, we decorate the house, have a tree and lights as well. We get together and go around the neighbourhood looking at other people decorations and saying hello. We all enjoy this part of Christmas as well. Rather than not doing it, I’m in it both feet. It’s just that we have put a different spin on Christmas and so I will enjoy someone else’s decorations or put them up myself knowing that it’s not about having more or being the best but it’s about people. So when I’m admiring someone else’s effort on their house I’m saying hello to them and appreciating everything they are. It’s a feeling, a connection to them and not really to do with the decorations, they are just the start of a conversation. I have found that if I want to bring things together in my house truly then it’s not really just about my house but about every house and no I’m not Santa and visiting every house. But I will lead the way and not just show the children or tell the children they need to do this or that. I will live what I see in and out of my own house. This is the power of what we are saying, living in a way that supports everyone equally, without telling them that’s what you are doing directly. They feel it from the way you are, the way you say hello can say more than just words. We all feel it, some may argue but even when they argue they still confirm the feeling. I would say don’t withdraw from Christmas but embrace it more, more for what it truly is, a time to stop and appreciate everything and one around you. Then take that into boxing day and then why not do that everyday, this life thing is too easy. Thanks Sandra.
Fabulous approach to Christmas Ray, I can imagine to ignore Christmas presents with young children could create all manner of stress at School, but instead you can turn it into a project that brings you all closer together as a family, the situation you describe on Christmas day seems a result of the effort you put into making the day about everyone being together. I remember growing up how it was always the little things that brought joy and being amongst people was the greatest part of the day.
For me too Stephen, it was the family coming together that I remember was the most joyful part…not the presents.
Hello Stephen G, thanks and you are spot on, “the situation you describe on Christmas day seems a result of the effort you put into making the day about everyone being together” Coupled with having this consistently in our lives prior to just ‘this day’ supported as well. The ‘together’ we are describing isn’t just a physical body part, it’s about a real or true connection with each other. Like when you are driving in a car or walking down the street, not letting you mind wander off into other things you need to do. More just being in the moment together and making nothing more important than simply that, being together. It’s almost like you have a little world going on inside the big world if that makes sense. That is what I describe in this blog, because ‘we’ as a family had a consistency of just simply being together then this is what happened at Christmas. It gives you an insight into how powerful this is as the children had to walk past the Christmas tree to get to our bedroom that morning and they didn’t even blink an eye. They chose what they wanted first and that was connection, it’s very telling.
“The intention in which you do something has real power to transform any situation. The more we connect with people, even in just our own family, this can change others as well.” Wise words, Raymond Karam. I love how you and your partner demonstrate that being responsible for your actions and intentions in family life is incredibly rewarding on so many levels.
Hi Janet Williams, thank you. We don’t appreciate just how powerful we are and often sit back or walk away thinking there is nothing we can do about things we see. As you say the self responsibility and intention we take into anything has the power to transform many things on many levels. Look at how this simple blog on Christmas has done this. If we all stand tall in our relationships this way there would be much to celebrate at Christmas and every day. I’m not preaching for anyone to do this but it’s something I live by because of how it feels and how it supports everything around me. I guess there is a message in that as well, don’t look for the world to change but lead what you truly feel to do and live that consistently. There is a magic from living this way but from what you have written I can see you already can see that.
Thanks Ray, thats an inspirational message for Christmas. I remember the feeling of rushing though opening presents, and there was a lot to open and they were all done in one hour, what then? Christmas day has always been fun, but has had an underlying tension. When I read about how you sat in your bedroom on Christmas morning and the children sat contently with you I knew exactly how amazing that was. We seem to put a lot of focus and attention on the excitement of opening gifts. Being in each others presence is what is really important and this can be done each day of the year!
Hello Harrison White and you are right on the message. There is a quality of connection that holds this strong. Consistently and every morning and night in particular we take time together as a family. This could be at the meal table, tucking in to bed or making breakfast anywhere really. These can be just little moments or bigger depending on what there is time for but it’s the quality of those moments that’s the key. You know at times when you have a thousand things going through you head and you are saying hello to someone or when you are in a conversation with someone and already thinking about the next thing you need to do. This is where the quality starts with the children or with anyone. No matter what’s happening or where we are I do my best to dedicate space just for the person in front of me. So no matter who it is or what they are saying I’m just in that moment with them listening or talking only to them. You know like the saying ‘nothing in the world is more important than you’. This is equally what I make space for with the children, a consistent space when they can see that no matter what is going on around us only they know that they are the most important thing in that moment. They feel met and seen just as they are, I feel this has been super important in my relationships. No moment is more important then the one you are in, I dedicate more time to just being in the moment, fully. Then I do this consistently and the world continues to change, I literally can’t be in 2 places at once so I just commit fully to the one I’m in. It’s not perfect by any means but that’s where my dedication lies, simply in the moment and in that there is so much to appreciate and this is where the blog is born from. Thanks Harrison.
“Now for me, that’s not only what Christmas is about, but what life is about –– bringing people together, truly together, and not just ticking a box.” Gorgeous blog Raymond. Christmas is definitely about people.
Lovely sharing Ray, and a great realisation you and Sarah came to. I love how you have turned the idea of Christmas presents on its head. I remember the greed of wanting more and more presents but not really stopping to appreciate everything I already had – it was onto the next and so on. Using it as a time to bring the family together is what it is all about.
Hello James Nicholson my upbringing has supported my Christmas message for this year. My parents were never ones to go over the top at Christmas time, there was always an attention to quality and being together. I grew up in a house that was simple and practical. I can see how this supports me to live now how I live. I didn’t always appreciate it, especially at the time but I can see what my parents were doing. They were showing me no matter what you get, when you get it or who you get it from, simply appreciate what you see and the rest takes care of itself. This is something I appreciate more deeply right now, amazing thanks James.
A very thought provoking blog Raymond Karam about a ritual that is so ingrained and unquestioned in our society. So often I have witnessed children becoming very self centred about gifts given or received on birthdays and Christmas and as a result conflicts and issues arise very easily which actually creates separation and division. And you can add that list too for the adults in terms of gifts, alcohol, over-eating, the stress of having to prepare a huge feast for the whole family. We need to question what we actually feel is the true purpose of Christmas. If we generally agree that it is to unite and bring people together and a celebration of that unity and togetherness then we also need to question whether these rituals actually support that or get in the way.
Well said Andrew…and as Ray & his partner have so simply shown, it is just a choice. They questioned, they chose differently and are now celebrating the joy of being together.
Great point Andrew. I wonder if it is the ritual or how we are in and with the ritual itself? Having resisted Christmas and worked a lot of Christmases I can feel that it’s super lovely to have a day where everyone does come together to truly celebrate themselves, family, relationships, but how we celebrate is something that is questionable. As you say the gorging on food, drink and gifts definitely gets in the way, because it numbs who we are and accentuates who we are not and I have seen many a none too pretty Christmas afternoon in the hospital with the after effects of such a so called celebration.
Hello Andrew Mooney and I agree, this would be a sensitive subject I would imagine. The way I look at it is the world will do what the world will do. If I want to see change well that change starts with me. As the blog is saying, at any point I can change my world through how I live. People may see this and be inspired and some may not, either way that doesn’t mean I won’t keep living from what I feel. This Christmas will be a step deeper from the last because of how we have lived this year. It’s great to ask questions of people and the ones that ask the deepest questions are the ones that are lived. I will keep living what you read here, every moment bringing more awareness to how things are feeling and making changes as you become aware of them no matter what day it is. Thanks Andrew.
Thank you Raymond, I thoroughly enjoyed your blog. What inspires me is this open, real, down-to-earth discussion you have had with your wife, about ‘how can we grow from a past experience?’ ~ It is very practical. “Bringing people together”, why only reduce this to one day a year, when it is clear that we all love togetherness and respond positively to it? You are a microcosmic role model for the macrocosm.
What I got from this as well was a sense that this level of connection doesn’t just happen instantly but it builds. As you took your time in each part – the discussion, the buying, the drive, the morning and eventually the presents – all of that supported the morning. It’s like nothing just happens, there is a certain set of pre-movements required and every moment builds up the next one and how you’ve shared it in a practical, real life situation is pretty cool.
Hello Leigh Matson and great observation, the consistency of connection. I love how you set this out Leigh and this is spot on how it works with everything having equal attention or connection. As has been said no matter what the title is or what you are doing, who it is with, it all comes down to the connection which then flows to the next moment. Great Leigh, thank you.
How beautiful Raymond to make another day of the year (which happens to be 25th December) about togetherness, sharing and appreciation of family.
Exactly Marion. It really is just another day of the year that we have decided to be the 25th of December. Imagine the vibration we would all create if we approached this attitude throughout every cycle, every day, month, year! WHOA!
Yes spot on Marion hawes and I admit this would have been in the past a stretch for me to see because I looked so forward to Christmas. It’s not that I don’t look forward to the day but one thing I didn’t love about Christmas was that when it was over I felt so lost and disappointed. Now I have just chosen a more consistent day to day, moment to moment approach and as you so beautifully put it, “to make another day of the year (which happens to be 25th December) about togetherness, sharing and appreciation of family.” and we could extend out who ‘family’ is as well. For me this has been a much more supportive way to live. Where I use to grapple with the ups and downs of days and different times of year, now I look forward to everyday, regardless of the date. As I said I still very much look forward to Christmas but like today it holds the same value. Thank you Marion.
I remember Christmas when I was 16 and for the first time in my life I got all the presents that I wanted and I remember how I still had an ache in my stomach as if something major was missing. At the time I didn’t know what it was, but it was what Ray describes beautifully above: Love.
Yes Christoph. It’s true.
No amount of presents in the world will ever be a substitute for love.
Yes Christoph and Kathryn, love cannot be bought, sold or gifted.
Hello Christoph Schnelle and I agree. So often we have this perception of ‘when I get this everything will be alright’ and we often drive to get it. Then when we finally achieve or get this ‘thing’ we find we still feel that emptiness or “ache in my stomach’. This was true for me about many things, over and over again. As you say so often all that we are missing or ‘aching’ for is love, love for ourselves and for others. So much can be healed through love, true love. Not the romantic ‘Mills and Boon’ novel type of thing but from a deep love and care for ourselves that naturally then flows out to everything else. Thanks Christoph.
So honest and so beautiful Christoph. Something that I feel most can relate to.
I just had a flashback after reading your comment Christoph of the same thing. For me it was the true connection (or lack of!) I had with me, and I could feel that others had the same thing which ultimately affected the lack of true connection we had as a group/family.
Wow Raymond, I love this article, it makes so much sense. i can feel how how it is so common for Christmas to be about presents and food rather than about being together, i really like the idea of shared, family presents and feel inspired to do this at home, I love how you made christmas about people, connecting and family.
Hello Rebecca Wingrave, thank you and it makes so much sense and yet is so so simple. I dedicate this to everyday, “connecting, people and family” and then Christmas is just another day in that dedication. I can see this is what ‘gifted’ me a Christmas day like in the blog, the fact that I didn’t leave it for one day but had a consistency like this in everyday. Thank you again Rebecca, I love this blog as well.
Thank you for this amazingly inspiring blog Raymond. This feels so incredibly fitting to give presents that bring together instead.
Wow Raymond how beautiful to read and feel what you have brought to your family and children and to us all by sharing this and it is an amazing reflection for all families. True parenting is something quite lost in society today and the simplicity of intention in bringing people together from this is very humbling and real and comes with true values and love. A joy and inspiration to read Thank you.
I agree with what you say here Tricia, this blog by Ray is a wonderful example of what true parenting can be and is in his family. I love the way both the partners were unified in finding what was true for each child and the whole family and then tailoring their gifts and their approach to Christmas to what they had realised. Part of true parenting would appear to be the willingness and sensitivity to really observe what is going on with the children and from that building the understanding of what will support them.
Hello Josephine Bell, thank you and you touch on an important part of this. The ‘unification’ between the parents and it’s not an ‘agree to disagree’ situation but an approach where both parents have come to something together equally, it’s a feeling of being really solid together in whatever you are approaching. From this feeling whatever you are saying to the children comes with that same unified feeling and they feel supported and seen. You could apply this to any situation and I have found that approaching it unified really supports as in any moment we both have something to offer.
So true Ray if you and Sarah are unified in your approach then the kids feel held and loved and this reflection supports them to be naturally who they are. Parenting in the true sense.
I am deeply touched by the care and love you brought into preparing for Christmas. It’s beautiful how that came to form the foundation of your family – togetherness.” Now for me, that’s not only what Christmas is about, but what life is about –– bringing people together, truly together, and not just ticking a box” – absolutely inspiring. Thank you for sharing, Ray.
Hello Fumiyo Egashira and thank you. I realise that since writing this blog this is what my dedication has been, “bringing people together, truly together” and it’s great to appreciate this. I really don’t see any other way and when people are truly together you can’t wipe the smile off my face. Could it be that simple? That our life here is about bring us all truly together? Feels spot on to me.
Yes, it feel spot on to me, too.
Listening to what you have shared here Ray, it is so simple. Christmas can be about connection not consuming – to connect to the love within our hearts and share this with all others. Who needs to wait 365 days to do that? As you so aptly have expressed “…that’s not only what Christmas is about, but what life is about –– bringing people together, truly together, and not just ticking a box.” Love is to be celebrated and shared the every moment we have to express it. Thankyou Ray for this gorgeous reminder that our presence is worth more than the presents.
I love this, Liane – “our presence is worth more than the presents”. I could see this on a t-shirt, as an alternative to the stuffy Christmas jumper!
I’d buy one of those t-shirts Janet.
Well said Liane, “our presence is worth more than presents.” What is shared here about Christmas is a way of life that puts people and connection at its core and not material assets and this is what the world needs most. Bringing it back to love and connection. Then Christmas can be a day to specifically celebrate and reflect on how we have lived in connection during the year.
And no present can compensate if we are not connected to each other and specially on a Christmas Day – as this is for most of the people the non-plus-ultra when the families are coming together. But this one day just shows the whole year in a summary. Either connected or the opposite.
Absolutely agree Eduardo, though there is nothing wrong with enjoying material assets, it is only when they become the focus, when we use them to replace the connection we have lost with those around us that we get off track.
‘Connecting not consuming’… brilliant Liane.
Beautifully said Liane, “our presence is worth more than the presents”.
I so agree with you Liane, I just love this line “…that’s not only what Christmas is about, but what life is about –– bringing people together, truly together, and not just ticking a box.” For me, that is also key to what Christmas is about. I would dearly love a Christmas that was purely about connection. My family tends to do the traditional thing, with so much preparation required, and the feeling that that is what they feel they should do. I would love a simple meal, with no fuss, maybe everyone contributing something. That feels more like connection to me.
Liane its true we can get so caught up in ticking the boxes for the Christmas season. The presents, the tree, the food, decorations, tableware, lights etc etc. I remember by the time Christmas day came I was quite exhausted and not very good company. These days its a much more modest affair and I dont allow myself to get swept up by the Christmas madness that seems to take hold in terms of consumerism. I love the time I get to spend with family and friends, and making that the focus has changed the holiday into a more harmonious relaxing time for me.
‘Our presence is worth more than the presents.” Yes Liane much more the presents. Our presence is a gift for life and one to be treasured everyday.
Both your quotes are very apt ” connection not consumerism” and ” your presence is worth more than the presents” that just about sums it all up really, when you change the emphasis to presence and connection you have a loving foundation but if you change it to consumerism and presents it has me shudder at the pressure! Such a difference!
“our presence is worth more than presents” – love it Liane! And the added bonus is that we can enjoy our presence every day of the year, and share it with everyone around us – not just reserve it for birthdays and christmas.
Hello Liane Mandalis and yes ‘connection and not consuming’, everything comes from connection as you know. You may have had to been very careful when you wrote this “our presence is worth more than the presents” to not get them around the wrong way but I agree totally. Thank you Liane.
Thank you Raymond for sharing this lovely story about your children. There is so much we can learn from children with how they interact with each other and how they play, and what comes across in your writing is how observant you and your wife are with regards to your children. Very inspiring.
Hello Julie Matson, I agree and we can learn a lot from how they are with each other. When I say learn, it’s more of a return then a learn because we were those children once. We often react a bit when we think someone is teaching us something we don’t know, but in this case we do know it but have just chosen not to be aware of it anymore. Watching children ignites that awareness again and at that point we only need feel it and appreciate it.
Beautiful story Raymond. 99% of all families that celebrate Christmas should read this blog. Living in London I have really come to dislike the Christmas season. The energy of people changes, the stress levels go up and everyone is frantically trying to get their kids the latest toys that the kids have demanded. If it was up to me I would change or abolish the whole season and just make it more about connecting with no presents although you seem to be onto a winning formular Raymond.
Hello kevmchardy and thankyou. Yes I agree “The energy of people changes” around this time of year. As this blog represents though we don’t need to change. If we don’t ‘go with’ what is around us and hold firm in what we feel then this brings about change. It may not change overnight but people want to connect with each other, it’s very natural as you know. So ‘we’ just need to keep providing the space or the platform for that to happen. My family is one example of how we can do this, I still love this time of year because while there is a heightened level of some things, other things stop and I appreciate that. I will enjoy Christmas again this year and appreciate everything around me, another chance to connect with people I deeply care about.
This is lovely Raymond, ‘I still love this time of year because while there is a heightened level of some things, other things stop and I appreciate that’, it feels like christmas is really the only time when everyone stops and has time off work together, time to be together and it is lovely to enjoy this, the last couple of years i have been disliking christmas because of all of the buying presents and the stress that I see and feel around me, but I love how you have presented a different way to be at Christmas and that it can be a very lovely time.
I agree Ray whilst there is a pressure and hype to get it all together (the food and the presents) I really appreciate that time to stop and connect with other people.
I have reacted too for many years in what I have seen Christmas become kevmchardy. I work a lot of Christmases and I will be working this year also. I will be taking the love and togetherness inspired by Raymond’s blog to work with me this year and bring that same sense being together with people and the love of this to work with me. It’s not a ‘bar humbug’ at all, but a beautiful opportunity to reimprint what Christmas means. This is a revelation to me.
Great sharing Raymond about the real truth of Christmas about celebrating life with others ‘and not ticking the box’ or un-wrapping it!
What a timely blog Raymond. In my experience, so often we get caught up in the stress, drama, rush etc. of the Christmas season that it’s often only retrospectively that we stop and consider the quality of that process and what, why and how we are going about these activities. It’s great to consider these reflections as we approach the Christmas events and to consider that we all have an opportunity to approach Christmas a different way, and that if we make this about bringing people together, that we don’t have to wait for Christmas to do this.
Hello Angela Perin and I agree very timely indeed, thank you. There are many ways we can be distracted from what things are truly about and as you say “stress, drama, rush etc” are some of those. Taking the time and the care that is naturally there is important especially around these bigger times of year. There seems to be a heightened state of all the things you mentioned on offer if you choose it. Universal Medicine have supported me to connect to myself deeply and what is around me and to breath, just this alone has made an incredible difference to how I see things. This blog is one example of the things you can see and this day has been repeated in our family many times over during the year, to now become almost the norm. As you clearly say and I agree, “and that if we make this about bringing people together, that we don’t have to wait for Christmas to do this.” very true.
Absolutely why wait for christmas. The true beauty of this blog is that it confirms we have the power to transform everything, if we choose to. We can refuse to accept things as they’ve always been, want more for ourselves, families and communities and offer love, brotherhood, tenderness, communication and being together instead, no stress and rush needed.
Hello kehinde2012 and I agree, “The true beauty of this blog is that it confirms we have the power to transform everything, if we choose to.” At times we don’t want to see this because of the responsibility it brings but it’s true. We are just use to playing things small, i.e. I’m one person what can I do about it or I’m too busy or it’s not my problem etc. If there is something that is not working for you, make the change yourself through taking responsibility for your part. Do this through connecting to yourself and what you are feeling. Let the situation unfold and stay with what you are feeling, from there much will already change. We can be so used to being victims of life that we choose not to see how simple it is to make a difference. Thank you kehinde2012.
Thank you Raymond for sharing this experience with all of us. You show me the power of intention and how this changes not only you but everybody around you equally so. Therefore the importance of expressing our innermost feelings is that important. If something does not feel right we have the opportunity to look at it and change our intention behind it. That is the power we have and must never forget that it can work both ways. If we are unconscious about the fact that we make choices all the time and do not take ownership of the influence our choices have on everything we do, the chance is that we repeat something that is given to us by the images that are outside of us and that with that we are adding to the lovelessness that is lived by that many in our nowadays societies. So thank you Raymond for making this deliberate decision to do it different this time around and to make it about bringing people together, as that is what we innately all are longing for.
Hello Nico and I agree, “So thank you Raymond for making this deliberate decision to do it different this time around and to make it about bringing people together, as that is what we innately all are longing for.” You highlight something here to Nico, around the ‘decision’. So often you can get caught just going along with something because it was how it was always done or it’s what you have always experienced. In this instance it was about feeling throughout the year what was needed in that moment. It wasn’t about waiting for the moment to arrive and then just doing what we had always done. We looked at what was going on last year and discussed how it felt and what may need to change. We looked at the reflections around us consistently through the year and so when it came to the ‘big’ day it was just an extension of what we had already been doing. At times we need to stand in a very ‘deliberate’ way to change the course of something that has been happening for so long, it’s a very conscious choice and not just a go along and see how things go type of thing.
Great observation and what a great way to make the necessary changes. I have also observed how madly kids can go through their presents, tear the paper and the box like an invading army and then soon lose interest. What’s next? Is there more? are the unspoken questions. By bringing them together you took the gimme gimme vibe out of it and made it all about being together, truly together.
Raymond shows us that the true gift of Christmas has nothing to do with the presents we’re given.
Hello Gabriele Conrad and you make a great point and perhaps the children are looking for more, but not more presents necessarily. So what more are they looking for? As this blog shows and the comments direct to, children like adults are looking for the feeling and not just the physical action. Children want to be connected too, as simply as sitting down with them, looking in their eyes and asking how they are. They want to feel in any moment that nothing else matters but seeing them for who they are. As most are saying in these comments, as children we remember being together mostly around this time of year. What if we were to make this a marker for the whole year, in fact in every moment. It would seem when the dedication is just to simply truly connecting to each other nothing else is really needed but much is built from this.
It seems that when parents stop truly connecting with their kids and placing more importance in the ‘doing’ before the ‘being’…receiving ‘presents’ is the next best thing that is accepted as connection or a gesture that one is loved. Even though as kids we can feel this is not true and all we want is ‘presence’, we play the game because we know its the best we are going to get. The ‘presents’ being the replacement for ‘presence’!
Hello Marika and you highlight the world we live in, “placing more importance in the ‘doing’ before the ‘being’”. So if you haven’t chosen or haven’t been aware to connect to yourself then you will move according to whatever else is going. Most of us didn’t question this until Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, we just went with whatever was going on in front of us, not unlike what you are saying. Most parents would argue that they are doing the best for their children by flooding them with presence, without question. What we are talking about goes deeper than just the everyday, a connection, a deeper and deeper connection. The more we speak about it and live it, the more it will be available for others to see if they choose.
Marika absolutely when there is no presence we accept the presents, this goes for every aspect of life, relationship. I had friends who had very absent parents that bought them everything from the outside, everyone looked at their piles of presents yet they would always have instantly given that away for a quality of connection with their parents. It’s great that this blog shows how presents can be loving, supportive and confirming of true family.
This is a great reminder Kristy, that we are all only ever seeking a connection with another, but lose ourselves in gadgets and games to deal with the hurt of feeling rejected or alone.
Gimme Gimme vibe – so true of commercial christmas Gabriele. The beauty of christmas is indeed being together, truly in harmony, not any demanding aggravation or stress.
This is gorgeous Raymond, I love the shift of intention and emphasis to being together rather than what the kids get, and not just lip service but actually enjoying being together. How great for your kids to grow up with that as their memory and marker for what a celebration can be. Bringing some truth back into what is for most now a highly commercialised charade… thank you!
Hello Jenny Ellis and thank you. What a precious gift this is for everyone and from what I have seen it is what we all want, to be together. It’s not about keeping the peace or ‘lip service’ as you say, but about harmony, real harmony between people. Children appreciate the smaller moments and it’s great to watch how the intention of what you bring supports the children if it’s true. What I have written about here has carried through the year and we have had many more moments like this to the point where it has become the norm in the house. The power of intention especially when it involves bringing people truly together.
Of course in many cases the being together can be the part that many find uncomfortable, I know of many people who dread the family get together with it being the only time of year the family comes together and a lot of stress and strain ensues. It is a reflection, often unwanted of how we are with certain relatives, and that is perhaps why the emphasis get laden on buying lots of presents for the kids, or getting started on the alcohol as early as possible. yet Christmas can be a great time to come together and is of course an opportunity to show that anyone can be family if we choose to invite people into our lives.
Great point Stephen I had forgotten about this part! To be a certain way because you were supposed to be or seem ‘happy’. The thing is if during the rest of the year we took responsibility and got underneath our hurts, anger, frustration etc to truly heal; then we wouldn’t have to ‘seem’ happy but could be truly joyfull not just one day of the year but many.
We always take it in turns to watch each other open gifts, be it Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Birthdays or Christmas, this naturally includes everyone and it becomes about togetherness not materialism.
Yes my daughter introduced this in our family when she was young and although there was initially some resistance from other members of the family it is now a tradition which everyone loves.
This is a beautiful blog with so much to feel into, in the way we approach Christmas .. A true blessing to read
As Christmas approaches this is a great blog to read, as it gives a very different perspective on how Christmas and present buying can be approached. Without the stress, hustle and bustle and arguments, Ray and his partner Sarah share how through mutual discussion a harmonious consensus can be reached for all.
Hello Shevon Simon and I agree. I see also how it was important that both parents are together in what they present. When the parents are united in this way then there is no opening and things flow from there. If the parents aren’t together in this way then it usually leads to a disharmony within the family, children aligned to how the parents are with each other. The discussion between us prior to this to bring unity was important, then that is the unity we presented to the children.
What Shevon and Raymond share here is so important. I am finding that when there is a difference of an opinion between my husband and I, it is vital that we communicate our differences and come to a place of mutual agreement; not to keep the peace but to speak openly and honestly with one another how we both feel about the situation. What I am learning most of all is trusting the unfolding. As I write this comment I am reminded yet again of the power of intention; that when I am focusing on love and therefore on what supports my husband and I, then the outcome is going to be love.
It is very beautiful to watch children take pleasure in slowly opening gifts, admiring the paper, the ribbons, wondering what it could be, just loving the moment.
When presents are wrapped with love and great care in consideration for everything about that person, they would also take great pleasure in opening the gifts they receive, not because of the present but the love that is so obviously their in that moment.
I felt this last Christmas Jennifer, I bought my son one present – a snowman outfit, something that he had really wanted and I really enjoyed wrapping it with gold paper, ribbons and bows, I placed it lovingly on the table and rather than rip it open in the morning he really enjoyed looking at all of the wrapping and how lovingly and playfully it had been done. He was delighted with this gift and did not feel any lack from not having received any more presents.
Indeed half the enjoyment is the unwrapping and curiosity and sharing the moment with another.
Beautiful blog Raymond. The power of intention and connection. lt feels like your building true family not only for you but for humanity, as your children may follow this loving way and take it into their families and l feel the family grow and grow to be a loving community. This is awesome love in action and the true meaning of Christmas.
I agree, Irena, it is so beautiful to read of Raymond’s family’s plans for Christmas this year. It will be such fun, but very simple, a lovely time together for the family. What a great idea to have shared presents that they can all enjoy together, rather than going off in a corner on their own. Connection between us is key to the way we should be living, and what a role model this family is for others to see there is a very different way to really enjoy Christmas. I love it.
Hello Irena Haze, thank you. It’s amazing what happens around you when you dedicated to the deep connection to yourself. Universal Medicine has been the support for this and as a by product things like this blog are absolutely normal or natural in our house. I agree it goes out from our house even before they have their own families, they go to school and to other houses and this is what they will bring. To watch how they have played together after this moment has been a deeper and deeper blessing and I just sit back and take it all in.
Thank you Raymond for this beautiful sharing which I align totally with, life is about being together, connected, truly connected and sharing.
It’s so true, kids are very content with being lovingly together and no amount of money or presents can bring this. And the same is true with adults.
That’s lovely Marika, it is true, the best gift you can give someone is your open heart. In fact it’s pretty cool to give this gift to yourself too that way we all get the benefit!
Made me smile Sandra Henden, yes everyone benefits.
Yes, I agree this love and open heart is for everyday of every year.
True Marika and shows how out of balance we can get when the love is not presented first. So many families believe that buying loads of presents is showing their love when in truth a moment in connection with each other means so much more. I remember as a little girl I would have happily traded in all my presents just to be able to sit and truly talk and be with my family.
Laura B it’s easy to buy a ‘present’ and tick the list but being ‘present’ requires a commitment and you could feel the difference as a child. It strikes me as no coincidence that the words are the same but one can bring a true loving felt connection and the other more land fill.
I love it Laura, there is no greater joy than being amongst people and just sharing your time and a warm space with them. It is more magical than any gift we can buy, and the beautiful thing is there is no pressure in doing this, it is just so natural to us and costs nothing to achieve.
Beautifully said Stephen. Christmas or not, this way of being together touches the hearts of everyone.
Hello Marika and this is so true. As this blog presents, as parents we only need create the space for children to naturally be who they are. This really puts a different and simple spin on being a parent and a person in any relationship. We think we need to do all these things and be all these things when in fact we only need to truly connect to ourselves and the rest will take care of itself from that connection.
Yes Raymond, we don’t give others credit, and feel we have to be constantly ‘doing’ for friends and family, especially our children. On reflection it feels quite controlling. Being loving and allowing creates the space, and in that there is definitely a more harmonious and natural flow.
Isn’t it amazing when we let go of some of our control that children in particular will actually be together in a very harmonious way.
Being truly met with presence by another is priceless and pure gold…and the best Christmas present ever!
Yes presence is such a lovely present for all, everyday and any day.
Beautifully stated Marika. This is pure gold that no wrapped present can replace.
Marika I love what you have shared here, no amount of money or gifts can beat the contentment felt when time is lovingly shared with another human being young or old.
It is not about what we give as as presents once or twice a year, but about the relationship we live all year long. Attention to every moment is the real gift that we can make.
Hello Marika and very true. We all love this and all crave it, “kids are very content with being lovingly together and no amount of money or presents can bring this.” I often watch how simply children play and we often remark at how much fun they can have with just a cardboard box. We love the simplicity of being together, you can see it everywhere we just need to appreciate what’s already there.
“We love the simplicity of being together, you can see it everywhere we just need to appreciate what’s already there” – so true Raymond. Appreciation for what I have is very much lacking in my day and Raymond’s comment has made me stop to ponder on this – thank you.
Oh I so enjoyed reading this Raymond for so many reasons.
Its such a real and relatable story.
It brings heart to Christmas.
That something so simple as setting a loving intention can have such great changes in your family.
I agree there is much power in our intentions…and thus it serves to choose wisely, not just for ourselves, but for everyone. It is the intention that is felt before any words or actions.
This is so true Marika, “It is the intention that is felt before any words or actions”. Thank you for the reminder to state my intention before I do my Christmas gift shopping…. to always make it about love and appreciation for the person, and not do it with the feeling of resentment or obligation as this will be felt before the gift is even opened.
Absolutely Marika and this shows all parents of the world that they do not have to take on the consciousness of kids and gifts but that they can set a loving standard that children will respond to easily.
Love that Marika, I so agree, “It brings heart to Christmas.” I have not enjoyed Christmas for many years now, it just has not rung true for me. For me, a very simple get together with friends and/or family is what it truly needs to be about, no fuss, a healthy, joy-full meal and time together. I would rather have a quiet picnic, than the weeks-long planning of the traditional meal, all formally seated at the dining table. There is no heart in that sort of meal for me, everyone feeling that they have to fit in, buying lots of presents for the children, and expensive gift for the rest of the family, under the pressure of fitting in with everyone else. I just love what Raymond has described in this blog that he and his wife planned for this year. It feels so loving and uniting for the family, a sharing of the love that they all are.
Planning for the christmas to come feels like a great idea, rather than it just happening to us and it going pear shaped! I look forward to reading what the development from this year to next will bring.
Yes Marika, intentions set the foundations for what then happens. Raymond’s intentions for his family have now flowed through to this Christmas, and no doubt its the way that he lives throughout the year that enables Christmas to be a confirmation of what he values.
I have always enjoyed ‘orphans’ Xmas for this reason too, people coming together to share themselves and celebrate as a family even though not blood related.
Yes, I agree Jenny, the part of Christmas I appreciate is the opportunity to welcome unrelated people into our families home. There is so much more fun to be had when Christmas is a celebration with lots of people, presents and other distractions that make up the day are really quite irrelevant in contrast to the joy there is in chatting and being around people and sharing stories and time together.
I so felt this too Marika, what shone through Ray’s sharing was the fact that he and his wife had, through setting their intention of what they wanted their Christmas to be, created a totally different experience to the previous year. It does show the true power of our intentions and how much we can as Ray has shared make it about bringing people together.
Yes Marika, the blog shows how to bring heart to Christmas. The children seem to like it.
Ha, Christoph, not only children like this :).
Fortunately I hear more and more people saying that they cannot celebrate Christmas as they used to.
This is so true Sonia, more and more people i come across are indeed wanting to opt-out of doing christmas (even if they don’t actually go on to do so, they still wish for it) because of all the hassle, fuss and expense involved. This christmas is not love.
It is as if Zofia, that all the expectations and beliefs about how Xmas should look and be spent and taken out the true intention and love that is possible in sharing a day together.
If we were all honest Zofia I would say everyone deep down feels this way. It is becoming more common for people to openly grimace when they think of doing the same Christmas rush and pressure they have for years. I was just talking with another mother today and we were considering something similar with our own families, instead of getting the big presents that has everyone dart off in different directions to immerse in after opening them (you know what I mean), we were talking about doing something together that each family member enjoys. Its a lovely way of connecting with each other.
Yes Zofia, this certainly is not love. A family member said to me yesterday that they were not going to bother with Christmas presents next year and would rather focus on the children’s birthdays instead, as it was far too much hassle for them. I appreciate so much when another is completely honest with me, this is what I call love.
It just struck me reading your comment Christoph, how parents often don’t take the lead in creating the tone of these sorts of events. There is almost of fear of disappointing the kids or a need to please kids by doing it the way we think they expect it to be. This feels very disempowering for the parents and destabilising for the kids. If you ask almost any kid brought up with everything material they could want, the one things they really wanted was love. I find kids are most content when the parents are solid and steady.
I agree Marika, truly beautiful things happen from following through with a loving intention.
Christmas DESPERATELY needs some heart! And it’s so simple to make it about love and true family again, rather than presents and crazy decorations and humongously overeating and indulging – and the effects last for days, sometimes weeks! I remember the first Christmas I ate nourishingly and healthily and we just all cooked together as a family, it was so lovely, no pressure on mum to cook for masses of people, and a joyful feeling of working as a team. That’s the thing, if you make it about love that is enough, there is no need for anything else.
Well said Meg, keeping it simple and making the meal together has a totally different feel to it than expecting one person to do all of the work. There’s so much more appreciation and joy when we all work together, and like you have said ‘there is no need for anything else’.
Being part of a team – that’s the key. No full responsibility lies with one – it lies with all of us. Especially to role model for others – of any ages.
Thank you Raymond for such an appropriate article to wipe away of what Christmas has become with the focus on materialism/commerialism and bring it back to family and being together in celebration and appreciation of each other.
Susan, I love the way that Ray has done this too. It is so refreshing for someone to stand up and say, it’s ok to not do Christmas. Bringing it back to the simplicity of making it about celebrating and appreciating each other as a family is beautiful and feels much lighter to me, rather than getting bogged down by something that has become something that I feel most people feel obliged to ‘do’. How interesting it is that some people go on holiday far away from home to avoid Christmas when all they need to do is just say no, and not feel guilty about it. After all, why keep celebrating each other for Christmas, just like puppies, they’re for life, not just for Christmas!
Great point and analogy Sandra – the temporal nature of people coming together at Christmas has always made me ask why are people not like this all of the time.
Sandra, it’s true, ‘bringing it back to the simplicity of celebrating and appreciating each other as a family’ is a beautiful way to mark christmas.
I have learned to appreciate Christmas time more and more and the space it provides to spend time with family (loved ones).
kehinde and Sandra. It is so true simplicity is the key for a flowing life.
Great comment Sandra. I use Christmas as an opportunity to re-connect with old friends and neighbours, and make my own cards. This years message is simple – from Catherine with love, not just for Christmas.
Sandra, great points you make. Christmas has become too commercialised and people have lost the true meaning of family coming together and spending time with each other, doing fun things. Now there is so much expectations around Christmas that the simplicity has gone. The commercial world has made it all about how much money they can make.
I agree Amita “Christmas has become too commercialised and people have lost the true meaning of family coming together and spending time with each other, doing fun things.” It is nice to get presents but what really nurtures us is being together with people in loving and caring environment. And we are asked to bring the love and care we want to be met with, into our families but equally at work or studies.
Absolutely Janina what truly nurtures us is being together in a loving and caring environment with our family, friends at home at work. I spent the last few days with my husband catching up with family and friends, it was lovely precious moments catching up with everyone.
I love the ways Ray hasn’t thrown the baby out with the bath water. Its not that Christmas itself is bad, its the way we are at christmas time. Its lovely to feel the focus on family and people just being together and playing together.
Hello Fiona and a great point you make, “It’s lovely to feel the focus on family and people just being together and playing together.” I totally agree and this is what makes these things special, not the time of year, or the presents but the people, always the people. As you are saying so often we can react and go the other way and not do something because you don’t like it or for other reasons. I don’t mind what I do or where I am, make it about people and you’ve got me.
That’s often the picture that is sold, that it’s a time for family and friends and yet the reality is all about the presents and food and not the people. If you don’t make it about the family and friends then it won’t be, simple.
You are right Sandra it is time end the dogged normal what Christmas has become. It is time for the tail to wag the dog and bring back celebrating the simplicity of family.
Martin, I love your straight shooting, it is so true that Christmas can be a stressful time for so many, among family they loathe to be around. Christmas is a great reflection of our care and love for each other, if it is an uncomfortable time then what choices did we make in the previous 364 days that led it to be so. As always the responsibility is ours to how we live all year round and how willing we are to open up to people. The more we do this the less we need christmas as a focus but instead more as another celebration and confirmation of the relationships we have.
I like your sharing, Sandra Henden. the observation I have done is people love celebrating, they deeply love celebrating, but they have lost the sense how to celebrate with joy. Instead they often drink heaps of alcohol in order to have fun. So no connection can take place and without connection there is no true celebration and no joy.
Awesome Martin, the emptiness of Christmas laid bare.
I agree wholeheartedly with you Susan. To have Ray bring truth to something as heavily marketed as Christmas is a blessing in itself. how appropriate these reminders are, at a time when our greater family, all of humanity, is suffering immeasurably around the world with the constant hate crimes.
Well said Susan! And the great thing is, we don’t need Christmas to be able to do this… we can in fact bring this focus to every day of the year.
And it is so precious to see that there is a very different way of celebrating than the usual presents that keep everyone isolated. What a gorgeous idea to make presents that unite and multiply the joy and connection for the year to come.
Hello Susan and yes it’s about turning back the clocks and “bring it back to family and being together in celebration and appreciation of each other.”