About a year ago, when I first started working as the general manager in a deli/café, I decided I needed to do a coffee tasting. Coffee is a huge part of the business and as I hadn’t had any coffee for at least 4-5 years, I wanted to get an understanding of what it is that we sell. So I tried a decaf espresso, which was full-on.
FROM HIDEOUS TO REALLY TASTY
I hated it. Espresso, which is pure and neat in its extraction of the coffee, has nothing to disguise it and my reaction was immediate, as if my taste buds were saying to me: “What are you doing – are you crazy? This is hideous!”.
I then tried the espresso with some soya milk and this was not so invasive but still full on… I only managed to have a couple of sips of each and that was it. Then, an hour later, a headache appeared and my stomach started to feel weird.
The one thing that really shocked me though was the quick change from “What the heck are you doing, this is hideous” to (after a disguised, milky, soya flat white and a few sips of that) going “Hmmm… this is actually really tasty”.
How quickly it started to grow on me! It reminded me of when I first started to drink alcohol and started smoking. They were both naturally hideous and my body didn’t want to do either, but I overrode what I really felt so I could fit in, be accepted and look cool!
UPPING THE COFFEE ANTE – I GET SEDUCED…
My ‘romance’ with coffee didn’t end there – recently I had to choose a new blend of coffee for our customers.
So the coffee tasting began… I was having a look at the crèma, which looked perfect, and the smell was alive with lots of different scents – liquorice, almond and chocolate jumped out at me!
At that point I was slowly getting seduced all over again and I thought: “I’ll try it – I need to know what the coffee I have chosen for the deli tastes like.” Isn’t it interesting how the mind will quickly justify an action to make it OK to do! This was the start of the override again…
There were two types of blends so I had a couple of sips of each espresso and then another couple of sips of two flat whites.
By the end of the second espresso I could start to feel the change in my body… and by the end of the second flat white I was starting to like it, enjoying the flavours… I stopped there, knowing which blend was going to work best for the deli and the customers…
FEELING THE IMPACT OF COFFEE – THE HARD WAY
But for me, it was too late – by the end of the second flat white I was really starting to feel ‘off the wall’ and super-racy! “Oh my goodness! What have I just done?!” I’m thinking. It felt like I was on drugs big time… really bad speed, or something like that! My head felt really strange – like it was going to pop or explode. My heart was going super-fast, and I was completely off the wall in my behaviour – all the deli assistants were laughing at me, as they could all see the change in me.
It lasted for quite some time – we’d started the coffee tasting at 10.30am and I was still feeling traces of it at 8pm that night – and the following two days I had these really intense, full-on headaches that were hideous. I could see how people can get hooked – if I’d had another coffee, all those symptoms would have disappeared instantly.
This week I had another trip to the roastery, but this time I decided that I would spit the tasting – my body thanked me for this!
I LOVE MAKING COFFEES, BUT WHY WOULD I BE ANYTHING ELSE BUT ME?
I started making coffees when I was 15. I love making coffees, and I still do.
I love the smell of coffee and I still do, but I don’t like what it does to my body so I don’t drink it any more. It’s like some foods and how they taste and what they do to my body: I have decided to leave them out of my diet because I don’t like how I feel after I’ve eaten them, even if they taste amazing at the time – it’s not worth it!
However, this most recent coffee tasting experience really confirmed for me that I just don’t want to feel like that anymore. It also confirmed for me what happens when I let my mind override and ‘explain away’ what I’m really feeling in my body and know is right for me.
I feel so AMAZING when I’m just me – without anything else influencing me – and I know now: NOTHING ELSE is acceptable!
I’m at a point in my life where what I have chosen is SERIOUSLY AWESOME and I feel SERIOUSLY AMAZING for it. I feel so clear, on to it, light and consistent. I have so much respect for my body and myself that I am not prepared to compromise any more.
Inspired by the Awesome work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Natalie Hawthorne, London, UK
832 Comments
When we have the will to make change all will be revealed to simply make the change.
Yes Rachel that persistence is interesting as I had that with smoking and alcohol where in the initial experience it was hideous but kept on with it. For me one of the main reasons was to be accepted by my peers and to be cool. Not thinking I was enough to start with.
I always loved the smell of coffee, but on the tasting of it never liked it… I added copious amount of milk to change the taste, so much so it became a milk drink with a dash of coffee. I wasn’t a coffee drinker for long as there came a time when I felt sick drinking it… so stopped pretty soon afterwards. The question to myself is… if I didn’t like it why persist?
The persistence is driven by a force of ignorance of not wanting to be willing to truly look at how we feel and why we are exhausted. The vicious cycle of ignorance deeply encourages a road of distraction. Sometimes obvious other times not.
I could only every drink coffee if it was super weak and full of sugar syrup to disguise the taste – and then, coffee never gave me a buzz (although i did only ever really drink decaf) it just make me super tired – like the effort of processing it through my body was just exhausting!
That’s super interesting Rebecca and just goes to show how each and everyone of us our bodies respond to things in different ways. Just a confirmation that what ever it is if we aren’t feeling connect, steady and vital from the outcome of what we ingest then we have the opportunity to review and change things around and make different choices.
The speed with which we can change our mind on something that is not true for us is quite something. I have found the same throughout my life. I have been sure that I would not do something and the next moment finding myself doing exactly what I knew I would regret and feeling kind of pleased about it. I love the example you share with the coffee because coffee really does taste hideous neat and yet we quickly overcome that, telling ourselves it tastes good or masking it with milk in order to get the quick hit that most of us need to get us through the day.
The taste and flavour of coffee can be seductive so to be able to be honest and say why your turning to it is the biggest step you need to take in returning to our natural harmonious state of being
When I realised that coffee, even decaff coffee was making me feel more tired it made no sense to drink it any more.
I agree Fiona, what I did find tricky at the time was cutting the habit and patterns of having a default mode of just doing what you have done for so long. It is a vicious cycle so to really say no to that is say yes to the amazing beings that we really are and capable of.
The true marker of the body that is so often overridden by the stubbornness of the mind. A familiar experience for us all.
I walked into a coffee shop recently, it is one that I used to go to regularly and it was lovely to feel that no part of me wanted to have a cup of coffee any more.
Yes Fiona it is very liberating when we are free from something that has had a hold over us for a long time and has contributed to not being able to connect to who we truly are.
I had a similar experience this week with food. I had stopped eating a lot of foods that made me feel sluggish and then one afternoon chose to eat some of it again, the next morning I woke up and it was like I had to drag my body through the day.
It is such a real experience when you feel it in your body. You can’t deny it especially when you take it out of your diet and then reintroduce it. That happened with me when I stopped eating gluten, boy did I feel the sluggishness, the fogginess bloated from eating it. When I felt how full on it was, I immediately stopped and my quality of life on a consistent and daily basis has been incredible.
We can be so waylaid by our senses of smell and taste and yet when we feel the impact of things like stimulants like coffee we have another layer of information to listen to which really lets us know how we might be draining and exhausting ourselves.
It is fascinating this process and what I find even more fascinating is how we can go on ignoring this for quite some time until our bodies have to make it loud and clear that it can’t and won’t continue like that.
There is something about coffee itself that has an effect because even when I’ve drunk decaffeinated coffee, telling myself it’s got no caffeine it’ll be fine, I wasn’t myself and felt slightly crazy. I didn’t want to see anyone because I knew they’d know I was not myself and I’d feel a bit embarrassed that it wasn’t all me that they were talking to. I was shocked at the effects. During this time I was still giving up coffee for good, I often contemplated drinking decaffeinated coffee. But I knew I would lose my connection with myself and feel terrible later. More recently I thought I fancied a cup of tea as I’d not had one for a good year. There was one last decaffeinated Earl Grey teabag but after 3/4 of a cup I started to feel very nauseous which lasted for hours! Very clearly not for me!
Don’t you just love how honest and direct the body is and how it communicates this to us. I love how your awareness of the effects were becoming clearer and then it got to a point you just knew you couldn’t do it any longer. Some times we can draw out the process on something that we instantly know but what I love is we get back eventually one way or another to the truth of what support us and what doesn’t.
Coffee shops seem to now be the new pubs and it never fails to amaze me at the people queuing at starbucks, costa etc and I often wonder why people pay more for their coffee and wait in queues instead of making it themselves and probably get a better quality drink. Is the energy of these places part of the addiction?
Great question. I’m noticing lots of drive through coffee places like you’d get drive-through fast food chains. Here I notice it’s the speediness of grabbing a coffee to keep you on the go that’s replicated in the can’t even stop to get what you want. Taking the time and care to prepare a coffee at home doesn’t fit the on the go image of ‘I’m too busy to stop’. Perhaps preparing a coffee with love would introduce too much of a pause, a moment to feel how the coffee is actually making them feel and then they may question how they are in a repeating pattern with being tired and then needing a pick me up.
Great question Kev and I know exactly what you are saying as you can see how people flock to them and that they are now fast becoming on every corner of the street if not more. They wouldn’t be there if the demand was not so what is it that people are seeking, is it the coffee and yes of course that is part of it, but is it because they have a false sense of community from it possibly? But when you look in it doesn’t feel like people are connecting it looks like everyone is totally disconnected and in a daze.
When I gave up caffeine about 20 years ago it was such a horrible experience . . . not unlike coming down from a highly addictive drug, as it is a toxic drug!. For about a week I was rocking holding my knees at night, had night sweats and I was not menopausal at the time and suffered a headache from hell as well as aches and pains in the body. Once it was out of my system I never ever ate even the smallest piece of chocolate as this also has caffeine in it and I have never looked back. I wasn’t even that big a coffee drinker, just 2 a day but I drank a lot of black tea.
“I feel so AMAZING when I’m just me – without anything else influencing me – and I know now: NOTHING ELSE is acceptable!” This is the information we need to be exposing our children too, real role models who know what they are talking about.
It is absolutely crazy to think that advertisements get away with what they do – when here is a statement from a woman knowing herself and saying it how it is – now thats true inspiration we need more women like you and more statements like this so our children can grow up with a better chance to know themselves too.
Hear hear Samantha imagine what the world would be like if we all had this around us and that the younger generation had a real reflection of what is truly possible. At least they have the opportunity to make a choice to either be this now and live the truth of who they are or keep looking for a way of being that is not being responsible for who they are and what they know to be true.
I’ve never drank coffee, it never really interested me. But I can say I experienced that same “Yuk!….wait…..ok this is quite nice” with other things like cheap hummus. It was so stark how quickly my mind was saying that it was acceptable the more I kept eating it. That experience has stuck with me ever since and makes me wonder about the things we accept or can’t do without – if we did cut it out and went back what would the result be? could we return to the original message from the body and further back what was behind us eating/drinking/behaving in that way in the first place.
Leigh it is seriously interesting how we are prepared to compromise and lie to ourselves about what we original felt to be true. There are so many things in life that we have this relationship with so when we start to call some of them out we actually start to see how many we really have. What is it that initiates such lies?
I was talking with a friend the other day about how I don’t drink caffeine because it completely changes the state of my body, thoughts and movements. I shared with them how I made myself get used to drinking coffee and later on enjoy it when I first started working. I would make a coffee with powered milk and sugar and then pinch my nose and swallow, just like a child taking medicine. I poured so many cups down the drain until I persevered and eventually could drink with everyone. I now imagine what else I could have been doing for my body instead of forcing it to consume caffeine.
I had stopped drinking coffee and any teas with caffeine In it for years when one afternoon after a lunch with friends I had a couple to cups of green tea not knowing it had caffeine in it. Well, after a short time of drinking it I felt quite racy and tipsy and this went on for at least 4 hours. I never drank green tea again. And to think at a time in my life I would drink up to 10 cups a coffee a day
I know what you mean Mary-Louise to have the reminder of what feels full on crazy in the body and then realising that it just can’t be done again.
In the end we can override our felt sense and go for a moment of pleasure in terms of taste, smell and texture all at the expense of our bodies who have to deal with the disharmony we put ourselves in.
I know for me I didn’t clock the disharmony in the body because I had become so immune to it and had accepted that as my normal. So when I finally was being honest about this did I have a starting point to address what was going on and make new choices.
Brilliant blog Natalie. You really show how quickly and easily our mind will overrule what our body knows and what the repercussions then are. So easily and quickly we become addicted to something that is seriously harming – which in the case of coffee is also hugely endorsed by society and even the medical system itself.
Yes Katerina it is phenomenal the speed of the override with what we know and can feel is not great for us. It is like we have already decided that we are going to do before we have actually got to that moment to do it. An energy we allow in is running our choices and by no means is it honouring of the body when we have chosen the source that is not loving and honouring of ourselves in every aspect.
It is gorgeous how you can say that you love something, how you can love the smell of the coffee, the way it looks and to make and serve it, but equally you do not wish to have it in your body with complete contentment and knowing that it simply is not for you – without judgement or need for anyone else to justify this to, just a simple fact that you’d rather not drink it.
I still love the smell of coffee and can appreciate the look of a well made coffee but would never drink a cup as I know my body would not cope with the effect of the beverage. There are certain behaviours I will never go back to no matter how low I drop as I have a strong foundation built that we would never allow me to go below. For instance I would never consider having a drink or taking any type of illicit drugs
Yeah I noticed that Doug when I transitioned over to Decaf, at first it felt that there was nothing happening then over time I started to feel the small % of caffeine that is in the Decaf and my body started to react accordingly. I still pushed through for a while thinking oh yeah it is way better than what it was, and yes to an extent it was but the more I became aware of the disharmony in the body the more I didn’t want this anymore.
Amazing blog Natalie that clearly illustrates how deceptive our addictions can be and how they can sneak back up on you like a stealth bomber that takes you back into the zone of that addiction in the blink of an eye.
It is insane how you can be still hooked on it for quite some time after not having the addiction but when you have a weak moment bam you don’t know how but your back on it. Its when you keep coming back to how it feels when your on it is the reminder or why not to go there. But also the healing of the hurt within that is going to foster more self-loving choices.
I went out with a guy quite some time ago and we met at a cafe as you do, he ordered a Latte and proceeded to tell me how much he loved coffee and that he has to have it every morning. I asked him, was it the coffee that he liked or the creamy milk and sugar that went into it? He stopped for a moment, and then he said, actually your right, the combination is what I like.
I find it is also the feeling it gives us that we like, the smoothing over of the intensity of life and/or the stimulation so we feel ‘alive’ and ready for the day.
I get what you are saying Aimee, I see daily how people cherish this time of the day, what ever time of the day as usually there will be a couple of times. That moment with a coffee you feel like life is all good then you kick off and get going on what else is needed for the day. I started to clock how I felt not connected to myself after coffee.
If we truly understood and felt the impact of some of the things we consider ‘normal’ we would go out of our way to never ever do it again.
Yes Samantha because what we have chosen to be our normal we have become immune to what it is actually doing to our bodies. When we are in it, it is so hard to see past it. But really we do know deep down that it isn’t our normal, dosing ourselves up on caffeine because we are exhausted and the one way to make it all ok is the appreciation of the fine coffee that is available. The different notes we can taste of different roasts. All a big disguise to not feel it is not our normal to be needing something to keep us going.
“All a big disguise to not feel it is not our normal to be needing something to keep us going.” I like that Natalie. When I was growing up I thought this was why people drunk coffee: because they liked it and that it had a whole fine coffee appreciation that was important with experts etc. (very similar to wine and alcohol!). Yet it is true when we go into this and make this the focus, we don’t wonder why we do need a substance to not feel tired or, in the case of alcohol, to take the edge of the day.
Yes absolutely Lieke the amount of wine trips I have been on for work and designing wine lists – I was a firm believer that to match a glass of wine with the right food it was like a marriage. The depths of the tasting and notes to what they offer is absolutely a disguise to not look at why you need the wine/alcohol. What I clocked is once you start drinking it, it starts to numb what is there to feel. I found it interesting that it all is set up for us not to really feel what is going on.
Make something out to be unique, special and fashionable and it is amazing how quickly it takes off.
What I find interesting is how our initial reaction to say smoking, alcohol and coffee is always one of disgust and yet after only a short space of time, we are hooked, and actually saying we love it. Personally I did not drink coffee until I was eighteen, even though my parents had drank coffee from the 70’s onwards – I started because people at work were drinking it with all milk, so the taste wasn’t so bad, but then I got hooked onto it and ended up drinking about 6 cups a day, which gradually got stronger and stronger, and less milk. It is easy to see how so many people are addicted to it, and why the need for the coffee to be stronger has increased.
Julie it is so true the strength of which coffee is drank at. At work we make every coffee two shots and it is super strong and is loaded with loads of caffeine. Some are so tired they say can I have an extra shot as i need it today, even though they know the body is going to feel totally out of whack they still go for it because they feel they need it.
Coffee is such a potent drug and like all drugs the more you take them the more the body can tolerate them to a certain level before they all start to seriously effect the different organs of the body. I have had a similar experience as you Doug getting a full on coffee when I ordered a decaf and another time when I was working doing gardens at a business park a woman came out of a building and gave me a coffee which at the time I thought was a good idea and it made me so anxious and racy it ruined the rest of my day.
Yes Kevin I totally agree how the body can tolerate and start to become immune to the effects of what drugs do to our bodies. I find it is fascinating how the body does this and have come to realise that is a mind and will that takes over for this to happen. Eventually though the body says no to the abuse.
When we allow to feel what whatever drink or food is doing to our bodies, it is not hard not having it. That the opposite of following a diet, which tells our mind that we should have or should not have it. That’s why diets don’t work, they are eating plans from the head not the body.
Choosing to not do something because of a love for yourself, how gorgeous is that! No matter what the treasured rewards are, no matter what the pleasures and the treats offered – self love reigns. this is truly remarkable in this day.
Shami absolutely and those moments of pleasure, satisfaction or relief only last a very short while until you are seeking the next where as the love for yourself just keeps building and getting stronger and stronger.
Today I heard on the radio that extensive studies have shown, and it is headlines in some newspapers that coffee helps us live longer. There may be some truth in this but so what? Do we want to live longer at the expense of the quality of that life? Do we really want to live on our nerves which is what coffee does to us? It seems that as a race we have lost the plot and bigger and longer equal better, a belief that has grown up and is being fostered by the media, at our peril.
Elaine thanks for sharing that and this is seriously disturbing and the question as you so rightly ask what if you live longer but at what expense to the quality in which you are living if you are constantly living on your nervous system. It is such a full on drug with the ups and downs you would be on a constant roller coaster, now that will be exhausting.
How can something that the body rejects (bitter tasting) then become something the body craves and gets addicted to? Alarm bells go off as I ponder this.
Absolutely Nikki serious alarm bells. When we look at the food and drinks that are available to us and how much artificial ingredients that are in them to encourage all those stimulants we’ve got no hope in saying no. Once I decided that my body was my everything and that what ever I put in it, it will respond to the chemical make up of it and also the quality of how it has been prepared. I have always loved cooking and creating in the kitchen and how it is a lifestyle that I am committed to that feeds me back the love and nurturing my body deserves.
I can relate to letting the aesthetics and my senses over riding what my body is loudly communicating to me.
I have started to really enjoy strong lemongrass tea, I find it so delicious and it is really good for you, I often find my body responds well to this drink, and I feel more naturally alert and hydrated.
Nature has supplied us with some amazing healing ingredients – coffee which is anything but true healing is defiantly not one of them.
I too love lemongrass teas Samantha and feels super supportive for the body. It is usually one I go for in the afternoon and it is just perfect for that time of the day. Sometimes I feel like another herbal tea and each one has their beneficial qualities so depending on where I am at my body feels like different ones.
Oh my I do like the smell of coffee, yet I would never ever again put it anywhere near my lips as I know full well the racy, anxious, hyperactive state I feel afterwards.
Nothing that tastes good in the mouth is worth it if your body is going to suffer afterwards.
I know Samantha nothing is worth it and even thou there maybe moments that you give in for the taste sensation it is blantley obvious it does not agree. The more I can appreciate how much I am loving, respecting and nurturing my body the more I have those moments and I just say no.
The smell of coffee is so alluring, I have not drunk coffee for a really long time, but still when I walk past a coffee shop I do love the smell and I do usually want to go and have one. But I just have to go to the feeling in my body where I know what would present if I did relent and have one. I do not regret having given up at all, but I can understand how hooking it can be.
Last year I had an operation and needed time to recuperate but I couldn’t afford the time as I am self employed so went back to work pretty exhausted and struggled to get through the day. I resorted to buying a decaf coffee and some gluten free apple pies which I feel were just loaded with sugar and that gave me a real pick me up, rush and I was able to make it through the day but that decaf led to another and then another and then I was getting them to put another shot in it and before long I was a drug addict once again. I don’t mean I started injecting heroine or anything but the caffeine really had me hooked and I realised how addictive it was and the massive culture there now is surrounding people and their coffee.
It is really interesting to see the history of coffee, how it started out as a sacred drink only consumed by religious holy men in the middle east so they could stay up all night. The way coffee is used now is so very different to this.
The many levels of addiction in our society are often over looked, as we only consider the obvious addictions of alcohol, smoking and drugs to be a point of concern. Yet how quickly, as you have pointed out, we can become addicted to caffeine for example, and other facets of life like sports, exercise, food, behaviours and sugar (to name but a few), in order to fulfil an emptiness that we feel as a result of a lack of connection to ourselves. When our alone minds lead us, in disconnection from our bodies, it does so in disregard of our bodies. When we over-ride what we feel we are over-riding what our bodies are telling us, as such ignore the harm taking place. Through developing a loving relationship with our bodies we discover that in honouring this connection, we know what feels amazing is our connection to ourselves, which far exceeds what any addiction attempts to offer.
I used to love coffee, the smell, the taste, but when i decided to give up coffee, I was still drawn to decaf, even though I could usually still feel the affects of the decaf in my body. I used to tell myself that it was not there, instead wanting to indulge my senses, my tastebuds, the smell, but then I would have to deal with the aftermath in my body. I’d get headachy, feel nauseous sometimes. I did it again and again, which is just crazy right!! But it happened time and again until I connected with my body first, not my head, to ask ‘was it worth abusing my body’ just for the taste sensation? The answer was eventually no.
It sure is crazy Raegan how we do override what is so blatantly obvious and makes us feel out of sorts but we still go there. What I also find fascinating is once you do make the choice not to abuse yourself it becomes a very strong choice and our awareness becomes strong and we see what else is not loving.
I was very addicted to coffee. I was drinking 6 coffee minimum each day. I always knew it was not good for me and when I stopped drinking I got an intense headache for 2 days. Then I was ok, just tired from all the moments I should have a rest and didn’t take that rest. It took me about 3 months to feel having more energy again. I was detoxing my body naturally with this big step.
Now when I take hot water out of a coffee machine if it is an old model machine where a little coffee comes with the water my body reacts directly, a racy mind as getting a drug and feeling very weird and for sure not clear in the head.
Needing to convince or talk ourselves into something is a sure fire sign that it is not our body asking for it.
Absolutely Kylie and what is totally fascinating is how the mind within a split second totally justifies what it is doing. It really exposes the energy that we have chosen to align to and what that is actually seeking. the amount of nervous energy you go into from drinking coffee totally takes us away from the stillness that resides within and is a great escape goat for not wanting to see how exhausted we are truly and why.
That is an interesting experience Natalie. If you are the general manager of this Deli than how come you can serve coffee in full from your heart when you know what it does to your body? Dilemma, I understand. At the same time you do not want to force a certain way of living on your customers. The question: could a Deli exist without serving coffee?
We will accept almost anything when it fulfills a need…. And yet, when we are free from that need, we get to see the full extent to which we compromised ourselves in order to keep it.
Yes Kylie it is extraordinary how we are completely consumed by the need that we don’t see past it but when we do break through you do get to see what we have compromised towards ourselves for living with those needs. Getting to the root cause of the need is what supports such habits to stop.