An article by Adam Warburton ‘Sport, Competition and Fiery Debate’, with the comments and the associated discussion, have got me reflecting on other life experiences with sport, competition and any team events, and what else may be really going on beyond the surface level cheering crowds and uniforms.
What is it we crave and seek in the apparent unity of a sporting team, and is it really being delivered?
Whilst I was never really into sport, as participant or spectator, I had an interesting brush with premier league soccer in the UK. I lived for a time in a northern English city, once built around the cotton industry but now pretty deprived; a hardened and miserable place with the unenviable title of least recommended city to visit in the Lonely Planet, and across a variety of studies, also rated as having one of the lowest life satisfaction rates of the British Isles, as well as lowest average ratings for self-worth and higher misery ratings and associated suicide rates.
Even the residents, (many of whom are dear friends I remain in contact with today) were just as scathing about the city, prospects and quality of life, the saying “It’s Grim up north” was a lived daily reality for the majority – there were hearts of gold under it all, but life was hard, and people lived hard, with whole suburbs of ‘no go zones’ for the police.
My once wealthy ancestors had in the past been huge sponsors of the local premier league soccer in this city – and I’d often wondered why, what was the point? There was the obvious (although empty) gesture of being seen as ‘successful’ and showing off one’s status, but I had been told there was a belief in an old school benevolence – to ‘give back’ to the city that contributed to the wealth. I still didn’t get it as I wondered what a soccer team did for a city.
Then while I lived there, the team found a new uber-wealthy sponsor who poured money and resources into buying the best coach, best players etc., and again the team rose to the top of the league.
To give you a taste of the usual mood in this town, I remember my time there in my late teens. Wide eyed and 16 years old, fresh out of small town rural Australia, I walked past a woman in the street and smiled at her; she looked at me in bemusement with hardened disgust. “What the bloody ‘ell are you smilin’ at,” was her embittered response. This wasn’t an isolated incident, I soon learnt that spontaneous displays of joy were frowned upon in this place… but not so when sport was involved.
After the injection of cash from the club’s new patrons and the club’s subsequent win, this miserable town, where worth-less-ness was ingrained and multi-generational, transformed into a hub of celebration and partying on the streets.
People were more open and actually spoke to each other. There was a rare and tangible ‘pride’ and a sense of belonging in the populace; there was an appearance of ‘unity’ between different cultures, different classes, even peoples’ postures were more upright and gait more lively.
You might hold this up and say “that’s what sport offers, that’s the justification for my ancestors pouring resources into the club,” or even “there’s the value, self-esteem and (confected) joy for a downtrodden community.”
…. BUT (and it’s a huge but!), as it was gained through external circumstances or events (not internally reconnected to) and but a mere isolated display of unity, it was short-lived. Very short-lived indeed.
As soon as the elation of the premiership win was over, it was back to business as usual – shut down abject misery, possibly worse than before in reaction to the loss of the ‘high’.
It did not reconnect people to their own real worth, it distracted them from missing it for a short time.
So my revelation from reading Adam’s article, the comments and reflecting further, has been that not only does the competitiveness in sport and elsewhere in our society set us up from young to make us think our worth is external, not only does it divide us – country against country, city against city, suburb against suburb, ‘us’ against ‘them’, me versus you and ultimately me against myself – whilst tricking us into a false unity, it also provides an effective distraction from that which we are missing to begin with (the true unity we deeply crave) through entering into the whole ‘proving ourselves externally’ farce – what a doozy!!
I really appreciate the opportunity to reflect on this subject and to ‘real-eyes’ that it is the true connection that we are missing – between each other and within ourselves – and that this connection can never be made or maintained through ‘limited unity’ such that we find in competitive sport or any kind of triumph over another.
By Kate Burns, BA (Hons), Bellingen, Australia
Further Reading:
Exercise – it doesn’t need to be hard work
My Turnaround from Competitive Running to Connection with Me
Competitive sports: the pursuit of emptiness
508 Comments
I too can relate to seeking acceptance and unity through the watching and playing of competitive sport however it is always short lived and at the expense of one side or the other. We have such a strong need of wanting to belong and feeling unified and yet we are seeking it outside of ourselves and by beating another.
I wonder if this is why so many people are hugely drawn to sports, because it gives us the illusions of unity, an elated feeling of being together but it is short lived. It seems to me that it doesn’t truly unite us at all but actually creates and fosters separation. Any form of competitiveness feeds the energy of separation and sport is all about competition, one person against another or a whole team against another.
A great article Kate that brings into sharp relief the void of false elation and connection with the sporting example. It is the same for me when I choose to be distracted from how I am really feeling and eat or listen to music or hop onto social media as a distraction. I know the moment I choose distraction; there is always the opportunity to feel the emptiness of distraction and to make a different choice.
Well said Kate, sport can destroy families and relationships. But what we have to realise is to not blame the sport, but stand back and say what a minute, for lifetimes, we have been part of this.
Put beautifully Gyl and I do agree here, no blame as this is just a distraction from taking responsibility and moving forward.
I have found the same pattern occur in hobby groups. If the video game, cartoon, interested in subject is not the focus then the unity between people is simply not there. This can be seen if we stop a hobby, stop drinking or stop listening to a certain type of music and those close bonds drop away. We are seeking that person to person connection and believing that the activities are bringing us that connection. But does it last if we remove the activity?
I agree Leigh and have found this happened when Steve and I stopped drinking as some friends dropped away, as it seemed that the only thing we had in common was the drinking and sharing of old stories from the past. Take that away and what have you got.
When there’s an event or something to celebrate ‘over’, it’s easy to use this as relief when in fact we express little celebration for who we are, our relationships and our own lives. For many people due to a lack of lived joy and vitality it can be difficult to appreciate themselves, however by using sport as an easy way to feel elevated they don’t have to address WHY they don’t feel the joy.
Exactly Susie, and the same can be done for any event, like a University graduation or coffee date. Recently my University classmates held a celebration day and what stuck out to me was peoples elation when they heard their name called out and walked to the stage to receive a badge, it was as if this was the moment they had been waiting for the whole degree. But as you have so brilliantly shared these ‘fun’ moments don’t last and result in a low period after, so where is the true lived Joy?
Very interesting Kate, yes the seeming unity that sport brings is totally illusionary. It is temporary never permanent and what it is based upon is not truth and not love, but rather a distraction albeit a brief one from the angst of life.
The short-lived high of your team winning a match/title is one of the many distractions that people indulge in because they are missing a true connection within themselves. Once it has worn off the sense of loss is even greater so more distraction is required to try and assuage the ache of the lack of connection and so the cycle is continuously repeated. It is only when we re-connect to ourselves that the cycle is broken and we can let go of outside substitutes.
This is a great blog Kate and you expose much about sport and what we think it gives us, compared with what the true potential is by connecting from within.
Sport is super competitive these days with big bucks to make in the world arena, but in this set-up an image is provided that competitive sport is cool and that you are ‘some-one’, images that our children take on. But underneath it all competitive sport only creates highs and lows and much separation.
This is a great example that competition and the elation of beating another is short lived, and like you have written Kate a distraction from the day to day misery of life.
It so easy to expose the false beliefs around sport (and life) when we reflect on them from a true perspective as is so clearly seen here. It is often the case that the opposite is actually true to our current widely accepted beliefs.
Great thought proving blog thanks Kate- how can something be unity or harmonious if it is built on a foundation of separation with others?
Thank you Kate. This article helps me to understand exactly why sport is not a true way to encourage or support unity or relationships. You have me pondering what other pursuits fall into this category…
The truth comes out in your blog Kate that sport is a little window of a substitute of what people are missing in their lives; the belonging, the unity, the feeling of something in common that we all know we have, but as you say, it is a mere substitute, not the real deal. It doesn’t last and in fact then causes separation when the opposition side think they have it too, and win or lose a game, there’s the aggression and anger that plays out because it is all an illusion. We miss the connection to ourselves and yearn for the true re-connection.
You’re right, Gill, sport is a poor substitute for real connection and inspiration, needlessly pitting us against one another.
Thank you Kate, this is a powerful blog in that is shows from your direct experiences the impact of competitive sport on a whole city. I moved to a town in East UK just at the time they won the FA cup and the atmosphere in the Town was electric. It is amazing to see how people’s mood can depend on 90 minutes of play, and how loyalty is based on what team you support, even what colour clothes people wear as a sense of identity and pride.
So true, what those elations offer us is not a true connection, but a momentary distraction from missing it. And when we look around, it takes no time to realise that our world is filled with, and built on, various kinds of entertainment to distract us from what we are truly feeling.
And what I find interesting Fumiyo is that many people I speak to know this also and yet still continue in this pattern.
This is a great blog Kate bringing reality to the effects of sporting events glamour and money and the emptiness inside that cannot be fixed. The misery lived you bring attention to from our emptiness cannot be fixed except through true connection and meeting each other and ourselves deeply allowing the love and joy to be lived from within . A beautiful reflection thank you.
Kate I love the way you write. It is great what you discuss here in just how superficial sport is ‘it was gained through external circumstances or events (not internally reconnected to) and but a mere isolated display of unity, it was short-lived. Very short-lived indeed’. The truth is nothing outside of us will ever be able to give us the connection we truly crave, this can only come from us within through making loving choices daily as I have so beautifully learnt from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. We have used sport as a bandaid to make us feel ‘good’ or bad if a team doesn’t win. I still cannot fathom how much football players are payed, it is extreme and ridiculous amounts when doctors, nurses and teachers are paid not very much at all. This says a lot with regards to society and currently what we ‘value’ the most.
Kate, great article, I agree with this, ‘the competitiveness in sport and elsewhere in our society set us up from young to make us think our worth is external, not only does it divide us – country against country, city against city, suburb against suburb, ‘us’ against ‘them’, me versus you and ultimately me against myself’, in schools I have observed how sport creates competition and separation between children and even with players in the team, there are often tears or arguments during and after matches and no true unity.
Such a great point Kate, we can champion sport because it brings people together but forget that 1. People are getting together to oppose others so there is no true coming together with everyone, and 2. It is temporary and something that is outside of ourselves. Through this does not address that we are feeling devastated most of our time in life, it would be far more honest and healing to address that last bit of why we are not feeling joy in our everyday life with ourselves and others, than hiding it with the temporal excitement of a match.
This is astutely expressed Lieke and demonstrates that we are all one and the same but have fallen very far from living this simple yet joyful way. We have fallen for false pick me ups just to feel a part of something rather than reigniting the full truth of our true makeup.
Well said, Kate. The temporary highs of competitive sport can be all-consuming and give a false sense of unity, but as you so rightly point out it is a loveless and empty mirage with no true substance because there is no real connection to the others on your ‘side’ never mind the other team.
“It [sporting success] did not reconnect people to their own real worth, it distracted them from missing it for a short time.” And furthermore that short-term high was gained through others having to loose, and therefore experience the opposite, for that high to be achieved. Not a way to engender love.
This is a very enlightening blog. I so get why people think that sport is a good thing and I also get why others say it is not and that it sets us up in many ways. What you have described here is very revealing because that sense of worth that people get from winning something, be it a football game or something else would easily be gone when they next lost a football game or anything else for that matter. We cannot base our sense of worth on anything outside ourselves as I have learned over the years. Our sense of worth comes from connecting deeply with ourselves and our true essence and has nothing to do with what is going outside of us.
Kate I love the way you have brought a deeper understanding to what is truly missing in most peoples lives that draws them to the momentary highs (and lows) of sport. Sport can be like a religion for many, it offers hope and a welcome relief from the misery and mundaness of life that many people live under especially in inner cities, where there seem very little hope of ‘bettering’ let alone changing their lives. Deep down what we are all craving is a unity and a connection with each other and a coming together as one which football falsely offers and why it is momentary, it lacks a true foundation built from connection and the peoples own self worth “It did not reconnect people to their own real worth, it distracted them from missing it for a short time”
Kate, reading this sentence ‘with whole suburbs of ‘no go zones’ for the police,’ made me stop and reflect. I realised that I have been living unaware of the true disparity that still exists in the UK, a developed and much sought after country to live in. We can walk through life with our eyes not seeing the truth and hope that it goes away or we can start to be honest, engage in conversation and make changes that start to unite us together.
What an interesting blog and experience Kate! “It did not reconnect people to their own real worth, it distracted them from missing it for a short time.’ Yes this has been my experience also in clinging to outside events to find some kind of inner fulfilment. It can only ever be short lived as a single event is not enough to sustain an inner connection which is a choice that has to keep being made each and every moment.
This can be asked of everything and anything – does it connect people to their own true self worth. And anything that does not is then not of the place where our depth and love exist.
This is a great sharing Michelle and I agree this is not something that you can just leave to the side this is something that needs daily attention and something that has to build, like building the foundation of a building.
The short lived high of a football game or sports event feels no different to the short lived high of taking drugs or drinking and very often the two go hand in hand. To live with a contentment where the desire for these quick fixes or highs are no longer searched for only comes when we connect and live from within.
“It did not reconnect people to their own real worth, it distracted them from missing it for a short time.” So true Kate. Could it be that if we have given up on true connection with ourselves we then seek it through others by means of distraction, eg sport, because it can trick us into believing this is unity?
The sad thing is when parents pass on their sporting obsessions to young children. Imagine a baby coming into the world full of joy, presence, connected to self and all else and shown that the way to be in the world is to connect to something outside themselves (a football or other sporting team) and make that your focus. In effect the child steadily loses connection to the precious vessel that is full and complete and left with one that feels empty, needy and seeks fulfilment and joy from outside themselves. This puts in place a set of ideals and beliefs that dominates lives for decades, if not whole life. Parents, without awareness simply, repeat behaviours they were subjected to as children without discerning for themselves the true nature of what they are doing and the harm it causes.
Much like religion, culture etc – sports is also championed and passed on with no true choice in their life whether it is something they want to take on or not. Do we ask – do you want to take on all the beliefs and ideals around this sport ? Or are we blind at times as parents because we think it is a good thing without really questioning the connection and harmony and true support.
Kehinde, what you share here happens so much and it is sad. It is like it has a knock on effect. The parents weren’t truly met or connected with when growing up, so turn to sport etc for recognition or to fill an empty space in their life and then this gets passed on to the next generation and so forth. I remember when I was younger I went to a football match with my dad. I really don’t like football and it was cold and noisy. We had to stand all the time and I didn’t want to be there at all, the only reason I was there was because I loved my dad and wanted time with him. Our relationship has changed now though, this is because over the years the relationship with myself has changed, I love and take care of myself so much more and do not look for love, recognition or acceptance outside of myself. What we need to do is stop. Learn how to truly meet and connect with ourselves from within and to the innate love that we all are and then we will no longer look outside of ourselves, particularly in sport, for approval, recognition and acceptance.
A beautiful blog. I wonder if sporting teams and even fandom is perceived by those who do it as a form of brotherhood.
I am sure it is, as they all share a common denominator – either the sport itself and being part of a team is a form of brotherhood, and the fans share their enthusiasm for the team that they are fans of, so in that there is a brotherhood too, the sense of ‘belonging’ … Where people share an interest and form a club, team or such thing, they are wanting that connection with like-minded people that they can share with.
That’s a great point Christoph, I suspect that would be quite common, not only by those who do it, but by all the fans as well.
Great reflections Kate. When a state of perceived ‘happiness’ is dependent on defeating another then the emotional buzz only lasts until the next time you do not win. When a whole community feels themselves to be losers this spreads the contagion of giving up. When everyone walks along the street with a smile and a sense of self-worth then everyone is on the winning path.
You have really hit the nail on the head here Kate, sport is a thing that momentarily distracts us from what we are truly missing or how we are truly feeling. And after it is over, the high or the low that comes from it, its back to the same old, same old. Sport also gives a sense of brotherhood although it is not a true sense, as if it was there would be no competing and there would only be one team.
True Kevin ‘What is it we crave and seek in the apparent unity of a sporting team, and is it really being delivered?’ From your sharing it completely is not truly being delivered and I agree- only one form would exist if it was true brotherhood.
Really this false unity exists in many aspects of our lives and with it we accept a level of abuse with in each. Eg. Work units, family units, friend units and so on
This false unity is more to feel a protection and of being part of something but it does not deliver freeness or truth. Just other people thinking and acting in the same way that feels quite far from a harmonious way.
This is a very insightful blog about sport and how we use sport to gain a sense of worth if the football team is doing well then we feel better about the world but if it is not doing so well then we have something to blame for feeling down or depressed. I know someone who’s life is completely governed by sport and they go down to their local pub and watch any kind of sport it’s like a religion to them an identification, take away the sport on television and there is very little left in their life and I know this is not an isolated case we seem to live our lives through sport.
To live in a country which is rugby mad it has been very obvious over the years that the mood of a huge proportion of society rose and fell on the national team’s performance. If they lost a ‘big game’ on Saturday night, on Sunday morning the feeling of gloom and despair was almost palpable. The temporary distraction offered by the game was only that; temporary, and after the full time whistle was blown life returned to ‘normal’, or possibly that was delayed a little longer with the consumption of much alcohol to further numb the pain. We can distract ourselves from the challenges, and often the misery of our lives, in many ways but the issues will always be there when the distraction ends.
Very interesting Ingrid, this is so true. It seems when one distraction ends we easily find another form of distraction to replace it so we can avoid feeling what is really going on. To me this way of living is actually very exhausting and miserable. I am so glad I no longer hold onto or seek distractions but letting them go and feeling a whole lot more energised, vital and more myself than ever before.
Thank you Kate, this is a huge and very important topic as sport is something millions of people contribute to from all parts of the world. It is time to really stop and consider what is at play with this way of living that we would compare our physical abilities to the point of putting another as less if their abilities do not match. There are many angles here to be exposed and one that strikes me also is how far we exhaust our bodies to be able to do sports and compete against others.
I saw a local game of football this week as I made my way around the local park for my daily walk. What was interesting to observe was how the team members spoke differently when they were on field and off field. Their personalities changed and it was as if they were taken on a new way of walking, running and talking on the field to belong and fit the ideals that were the complete opposite once they were heading back to their cars at the end of the match.
As there can be felt unity and being worth in being member or supporter of a sporting team but what is clearly shown in this article is that success is never long lasting and has to be repeated over and over again to give you that same feeling. How different would it be if we became supporter of our own inner most and develop relationships and communities from there.
Would be very awesome indeed. And it is the same with when people break a record in sports, it is never enough but the drive is there to do more and more – all for acceptance and recognition…
Agreed Karina, the drive is something we do not speak of in society and this is a very damaging way of living that does not offer true connection. It is great to use the example of sport as a way of seeing the simple facts that are clearly all around us.
What a great read and depth of understanding of the underlying tensions that sport disconnects us from looking at and dealing with. Thank you Kate.
I agree. Sport gives us great adrenaline rushes but they don’t last and you then come back for more.
The rush is the same as drug users. Over time more and more is required for the same high and when your team doesn’t win…?
It will be a time yet before the idea of sport not being the great beacon of light is accepted. Sport is still seen as being character building and offering hope and a sense of purpose and value to many. Yet sport and confidence are a funny mix, it is a false confidence from my experience, not a real sense of self but an identification with something you or the team you follow are good at. It doesn’t allow us to really value what our own qualities are, and that is where I feel we need to go with health and wellbeing, seeing our worth is not in sport but inside us ready to be awakened.
Very well expressed Stephen, and so true in its entirety. This is what we all could begin to embrace and live and show our kids too that – “… seeing our worth is not in sport but inside us ready to be awakened.” When this is embraced, sport can just be a fun activity to do with others in joyfulness.
Great blog Kate. Seeking unity through sport is very short lived indeed.
How many have tried to hold onto that moment that has passed, the energy and effort spent on the past. England won the 1966 world cup and people still hold onto that passing moment of glory!