While I was standing in the local tool shop today, I shared with the lovely men working there that I needed help fixing some things in my house. I started talking to the man next to me and he offered to help me. Just two minutes later we were in my house, sharing time and chatting about life while he was drilling holes in my wall to hang a mirror. At some point he shared that he was surprised that he was telling all these things about his personal life to a stranger.
I had to go back to the shop to borrow an electric screwdriver and when I got back, I shared with him that his words had stayed with me.
“You know what,” I said, “For me there is no such thing as strangers. I want to be open and be myself with everybody, even if I have just met them. I don’t feel there should be a difference. If there is then I ask myself, and feel, what I am projecting onto that other person that I am not being as open with.”
I pondered on this a little bit more during my day.
Why do we see people as strangers and what kind of effect does this have on our ability to connect with each other? Even the word ‘stranger’ carries a distance in it, where it feels strange, or even odd, that I could not allow myself to be fully open with that person, just because I have never met them before.
When we meet somebody for the first time, at times we have this tendency to hold back, to be reserved, maybe to judge the other by his or her appearance, how he/she acts or behaves and how he/she responds to us. Do we protect ourselves because we don’t know the other person? For me as a woman, I might hold back with a man that I have never met before and who is in my house, helping me hang up my mirror on the wall.
I chose to not hold back because it felt lovely to have this man in my house. Does this mean that I would invite anybody into my house? No, it doesn’t, because that wouldn’t be honouring of myself. The thing is I felt a connection and trust with the man at the shop from the first moment I met him and therefore I did not see him as a stranger.
For me there is no such thing as strangers, as we are all connected. Everybody is equal, regardless of where we come from, what we do, or the way we look. We are all one and the same within, each one of us, with unique qualities and talents. We all make different choices, yes, and we may live a thousand miles apart, but to me we are all one big family.
Knowing this, with every person I meet I can make the choice to meet them as loved family members or if I do hold back and find myself judging or thinking that I cannot say this or that or be this or that, then I know that I have allowed in the false idea of the stranger, the idea that I have to be different with certain people and that I cannot be open and loving with those that I meet for the first time.
It feels very freeing to be in life like this and to share myself and my love with everyone.
Now my mirror and paintings are hanging on the wall and it feels wonderful. Not only because they are finally hanging, but also because I was open to connecting and had invited someone into my home who helped me a great deal with something I could never have done on my own.
Taking the ‘old’ belief of the ‘stranger’ out of my life more and more, allows me to be more open, spontaneous, joyful and deeply connected with everybody and this feels great. I am now connecting more to all of humanity – I see the whole of humanity as my family! GREAT!
Every day I meet new people, chat with somebody on the street, in a shop, in the gym, at work or in the tram, say hello to people in the park, make eye contact, ask the supermarket assistant how she is doing, ask my neighbour for support when needed, give a compliment to somebody or start a conversation. I feel more connected with all those around me, close by and far away.
This blog is inspired by Universal Medicine and all those gorgeous people out there in the world that I meet every day.
By Mariette Reineke, Holland
Further Reading:
The simplicity of true intimacy
Heaven’s Joy – Deep Connection
A Feeling of Connection
827 Comments
It’s funny how we categorise others into this or that which then changes how we interact with them. It’s definitely not something love would do, so who is running the show when we do that? Oh, of course, the spirit and it’s clever antics. Not one to entertain true relationship in case it gets exposed.
I know that when I connect to new people I can either be open and let them see all of me or I can guard myself. When I am feeling open and amazing the world responds to this openness and I feel at one with both myself and with others. When I guard myself the whole world can feel and sense that there is an anxiety in me and also withdraw. When we take responsibility for engaging with the world we are opening ourselves to the Universe.
Simply saying hello to the people I see regularly, like the ticket collector at my local station, starts to build relationships. I have recently started to drive to work so when I had to take the train the other day he greeted me with a big smile and said, “long time no see.” We had a little chat and I went on my way. The more I am open to connecting with others, the more I agree that there are no such things as strangers.
Mariette, it’s lovely to read your blog and consider your words about being equally ourselves with everyone, and expressing our love the same equal way. The word “stranger” can conjure up fear and apprehension, because it can carry a negative connotation of potential danger. But there is always the potential to share our love with another, and as you say, even if it’s meeting for the first time and then never seeing each other again – why hold back the love we so naturally are?
I feel the freedom and simplicity of a child when I am my spontaneous self, just connecting with life in whatever way it presents. It becomes all one, no different to meeting a stranger, a friend, men , women, my body has a deepening connection to the intimacy and love I feel with all and it continues to deepen.
The definition of the word ‘stranger’ is noted as one who is unaccustomed to a feeling, experience or situation. How far is that from the truth that we know when we engage in a conversation with another about the simple things in life and a resounding – I agree or I know where your coming from is the core of the interaction between two people?
This is such a game changer, to view people from the point of view of how connected we all are, and that no one is any better or lesser than another. I am so glad that I am opening up more and more to others.
When we lose that true connection with ourselves, it is easy to see ourselves as separate to others, and from there begins all the malaise and ills that society and individuals find themselves in… in separation, isolation and all the many miscommunications, misunderstandings and conflicts that stem from this. But in remembering who we are and what we are part of, then there is a whole different way of living that restores to humanity its true brotherhood and true power, and the joy of the constellated interactivity of all.
Yesterday I was in London for the day and I love the different connections made with people in the street, on the tube and in the subway. I felt really supported when I asked for directions, I did the usual tourist thing and had a photo taken outside Big Ben etc and the people I met where great and you don’t even need to talk to them sometimes it is just eye contact needed to make a connection that says we are not alone there are no strangers.
The more I appreciate that we are all here to learn, grow and return to true love, the more understanding I have for what I feel and see in myself and in others.
I can still get surprised by how easy it is to strike up a conversation with someone I don’t know and feel an instant connection. It’s becoming easier for me as I drop my guard and not so surprising as I realise we are all the same.
Connecting to people is the missing ingredient we are facing in the world today. You just have to walk down the street and notice the amount of people avoiding eye contact in the rush to get from A to B. I have noticed the more I start conversations on the public transport, in the doctors surgery or in the shopping counter line there is a willingness to engage but it often comes from those who are open to speaking up first. This blog is a timely reminder that when we have an opening and willingness to do so, this brings out the gorgeous qualities we can see in others and the saying ‘talking to a stranger’ is far from the truth.
Your words, Ingrid make such sense – if we stop before we go into a protection we will begin to allow a feeling of space, and an opportunity to change a very abusive way that feels as though one is judging the situation, without any true connection to the truth of what we are being offered when we meet another – which in truth is an opportunity to constellate. As you say ‘If we could get a true sense of the force that our body needs to bring in to do something that is counter to its natural way and how this force impacts on many parts of our body, and then compare it to the wonderful feeling of openness and freedom that comes from not holding back, I am sure that we would begin to choose the latter more and more, until it begins to be a natural way of being once again’.
Is it possible that if we truly felt what was happening in our body when we meet someone and we choose to hold back in protection, the next time we go to do so we may hesitate, and instead open ourselves up to the possibility of what could come next? If we could get a true sense of the force that our body needs to bring in to do something that is counter to its natural way and how this force impacts on many parts of our body, and then compare it to the wonderful feeling of openness and freedom that comes from not holding back, I am sure that we would begin to choose the latter more and more, until it begins to be a natural way of being once again.
I had never before realised that even the word stranger isn’t welcoming and had assumed the negative connotations were from being taught to fear strangers; but when I replace it with ‘people we don’t know’ it feels more open- someone we could get to know and not someone who we will never want to know because we have already judged them as strange, untrustworthy, not normal.
But if I replace stranger with fellow brother this totally opens us up to connection. Walking along I felt this and so many people said the loveliest hellos. It felt like one big community and I realised there is no place for judgement or closing anyone off to connection – even if they are allowing abuse through (which can be addressed).
This is gold Mariette, seeing all of humanity as equals and your family – this should be something we all embrace and live this deep quality with all of our relationships and everyone we meet. If more lived and claimed this truth there would be no way our refugees would be seen as a burden or rejected by any country because we would see it as our responsibility to support and love these people as equals and provide them with everything they need to rebuild their lives.
The more I get to know myself the more I know there is no such thing as strangers. Everyday we are given the opportunity to connect with others as family, as part of us, or we can deny this truth and instead fall for the illusion that we are separate.
The fact that as a humanity we still do not recognise each other as family is why we are currently in such a mess. When we fall for the separation; the illusion we see as others not being the same which leads to all sorts of problems.
Mariette, you sum up our general human behaviour very well when you say “When we meet somebody for the first time, at times we have this tendency to hold back, to be reserved, maybe to judge the other by his or her appearance, how he/she acts or behaves and how he/she responds to us.” This used to be me to a ‘T’ but thankfully I am learning to be more and more open and the warm response I feel from total strangers is simply delightful.
When we see everyone as equal and family – as a one humanity – this huge tension drops away of needing to protect ourselves, hold our natural playfulness in, be polite etc. we can just be ourselves with everyone. Such a lovely feeling.
“At some point he shared that he was surprised that he was telling all these things about his personal life to a stranger.” This sort of experience happens to me often so I just accept it now as being ‘normal’.
I love this blog Mariette and I love and appreciate the countless opportunities I get each and every day in my job as a property manager to connect to people from all walks of life.
Yesterday I experienced what you have described here about how there is no such a thing as strangers. I had an insurance assessor out to assess some damage to my house. This man was absolutely incredible, so caring, so open and someone who absolutely loved people. We sat and had a cup of tea together and had the most incredible conversation where we deeply connected. Who would have thought this could happen with an insurance assessor? When we are open to connect with another the whole world opens up for us and people are no longer strangers.
I am choosing to stay open, connected, and not go into protection in all situations, still a work in progress, but it does feel so much more loving.
It is possible we view someone as strange when we do not fully know and trust ourselves first. What came across clearly from Mariette’s blog was how she did not fear the person she invited into her house because she trusted herself completely to be discerning. When we are like this we can totally open up to others and trust our responses to them.
Mariette I am also enjoying to let people in, as I walk around my new neighbourhood I now live, I am making so many deep connections with people I have not met before and we are sharing about our lives. What I find is when I am open, the other person feels that and gives themselves permission to be open too. Then we have the joy of each other. I wonder what a stranger is? Only can be someone I keep as separate and distant.
Maybe it is more ‘strange’ that we all keep distance towards each other in life even though we all come from the same source and we all are on our return to it. We are all sons of God and it would be so much more normal to embrace every individual by accepting all equally and being open to connect again.
Having the knowledge that we are all connected and all one makes a difference to the quality of interaction between us
Mariette, your blog about strangers not being strangers is so simple, yet very profound. We have all felt the reward of love and joy in our bodies when a real connection happens, also with people we seemingly don’t know. Living like noone is a stranger would make the world a more loving place for all.
What you have shared so beautifully in this blog Mariette came to mind when I attended a birthday party for a six year old girl recently. Most of the girls seemed to know each other but there was one girl, a little older, who was sitting on the couch with her head down, in protection mode and with her body language saying “leave me alone”. As I knew her quite well I sat down next to her and asked how she was feeling, and she said that she didn’t feel happy as she didn’t know anyone except the birthday girl, so I shared with her that “there are no such things as strangers,” and that all these girls were friends waiting to be made. I left her there still with her head down, but a while later I smiled when I saw her in a group of girls chatting and laughing; how wonderful that she learned the lesson so quickly and didn’t go home still feeling isolated, separate and very unhappy.
Oh Ingrid, that’s wonderful. How much good we can do if we stay open and sensitive to everything that is needed around us. And how simply it is! just a moment to connect, a confident and a warm smile to someone can change his/her life. I’m sure this girl will remeber you always.
Thank you Ingrid, very inspirational. It just shows the enormous ripple effect we all have.
When everyone is family, then everywhere is home, and there can be no loss.
That’s true Shami. At this moment I’m living abroad but I’m feeling at home all the time. Feeling the love inside is a blessing to share with everyone, no one is excluded because is in all of us equally. It’s beautiful how we can melt even the most apparently hard person just connecting with the essence of each one.
I had an experience lately where simply meeting another at the counter of a shop, being open in my movements as I walked in, the person began to talk as they organised my order. He was very clear he wanted to talk about service (or the lack of in his experience) and as the conversation unfolded, I understood through continuing to meet him and take the topic back and forwards, it evolved from a complaining energy to one of learning and understanding between us. This all occurred because the connection was honoured first.
This is great Mariette, trusting in ourselves to discern an openness in others, be they stranger or friend, where we need not be distant and instead choose to be fully transparent and share freely our beauty and tenderness.
I am finding this too, connecting and talking with people I have never met before seems very natural and common place in my life, and it all feels so lovely.
I walked into my local town yesterday and had a beautiful connection with three people who I didn’t know. With each person, the conversation happened very naturally however what we shared was more than just a conversation and was so simple. This may not seem unusual but in the past I would not have even engaged with people in this way, but would have walked on past, or given a quick smile indicating that I didn’t want to engage in speaking or interacting with them in any way. What is so lovely is that the more I accept and appreciate myself for who I am, the more open I become with others and find I am initiating conversations with people, so those Ive never met no longer feel like strangers. And it feels gorgeous. Great blog Mariette, thank you.
I love what you share Sandra as it does have to do with appreciation of yourself. I also notice that the more I appreciate myself and can feel that what I bring here is of a lot of worth, I just love to start conversations with others. Not only to share myself, but from the knowing that they also bring something of worth and that every conversation is an inspiration for both of us.
You just brought this blog about strangers not being strangers to a whole new level, Sandra, – it is all about the connection to oursleves first. When we are connected to ourselves and appreciate ourselves for who we are, as you remind us of, we realize that there are no strangers, and this is a beautiful way to live.
I love meeting and connecting with ‘strangers’, people are so utterly fascinating, everyone of us are outcomes of our own choices and seeing these choices and how they play out is intriguing. The more people I meet the more I know we are all the same, but different because of the ideals and beliefs we choose to take on, underneath this illusion we all know deep down we are one and the same.
Love the fact that it was a mirror that needed hanging! Our whole body craves connection. For me it is the cheapest and most readily available medicine and it so absolutely, definitely works – both directly and through countless ripple effects. The quality of my day is always directly linked to the quality of the connections that I have made.
For me too Otto, connection is medicine. Every time I connect, when I meet somebody new, when I have a chat or when I just smile at somebody, I instantly feel a change within myself. For me my days are about the people I have been in contact with, far more than what I have done or what I have achieved.
Yesterday I had my lunch on a bench. This woman came by with a dog and stopped close beside me to pick-up some litter with her dog coming over to lick me, and wagging his friendly tale. The dog was just gorgeous with long shaggy blonde hair falling over his brown eyes. I greeted him like an old friend and then had a lovely exchange with his owner. They do say that animals can sense whether people are open or not!
To connect with every one is so beautiful even when something is felt that is not true. It is easy to run away and protect ourselves but staying open and connecting to others no matter what they say or do is taking responsibility and being love.
Yes, staying open and connected regardless of what is going on in front of you or what somebody else is doing, that is something I am practicing with every day. When we stay open and connected, we give ourselves and the other the biggest present in the world though.
What you describe here in your openess to strangers Mariette is the possibility that we are all family connected in our innermost, rather than just being defined by blood lines or the people we live with.