Recently I have been told that a close family member’s death is imminent. Obviously I am absolutely devastated; sad doesn’t even touch the sides, and I cried lots when I heard the news. The first thing I did after this was contact my family and see how they were doing. I showered, got dressed, took things I would need and went to see my family.
On the way I stopped in my car and asked myself why is it that it takes death or a serious accident, illness or disease to bring people and or families together, or even bring them to their knees? When for years, decades or lifetimes we can treat each other like rubbish? And I don’t just mean immediate families.
We have arguments at work, in our relationships, with friends, or even get annoyed or affected by someone in a supermarket or driving past in a car. Why do we let all these things bother us, not to mention the things we do to ourselves, all the meaningless issues we create, dilemmas, dramas, complications and woes; what will I wear today, what food should I eat, should I eat this or that, when really all we are doing is self-indulging. Do we ever stop to feel how this is affecting people?
The event of my family member’s imminent passing made me realise that I’m not going to do this anymore, it is simply not worth it, but rather I am, to my best intent, not going to react or need people to be a certain way, I am not going to spend hours in my head (and that’s a big one for me) debating over things such as food, or what I should or should not do or eat. I am going to allow people to be, I am going to allow myself to observe and learn. If people choose to argue, fight or create their own issues or woes, that is their choice.
But to the best of my intent, as I’m not perfect, I am not going to be a part of what I now realise is not what is truly important in life – I am not going to get involved anymore: I have done this for far too long a time and it’s exhausting and not a supportive or loving way to live, for anybody.
All this also got me thinking about love. Why is it when someone is close to death that we tend let go of all the past, all the issues, all the stuff we have held onto, sometimes for years, the hurt, the times when they may have not chosen to be loving to us, or anything we may have held against them?
Instead, a different mode kicks in and we simply love them for who they are, be it our sister, mum, dad, friend or complete stranger. In this we see all their true divine qualities, in my case an absolute heart of gold, deep care and love for people, a playfulness, a quick and wicked sense of humour, not to mention a no-nonsense person who is deeply tender, caring, sensitive, delicate, beautiful, fragile, precious and divine.
So if we can let go of this in death, why can’t we let go of it in life? Why do we spend our lives not loving people or ourselves, instead seeing ourselves and other people for everything they are not? Rather than the precious, divine and delicate beings we all equally are.
But is death really the end?
Yes I am deeply sad, and yes I am devastated, but this process has made me stop and realise, even though I know the truth of reincarnation and this is not the end for the essence of this person, I was still thinking in a way it was, instead of the truth I’ve now experienced that illness, disease and ultimately death and passing over is actually an opportunity to evolve for everyone involved, and never is it the end.
By Gyl Rae, 39, Teacher, Scotland
Further Reading:
The Missing Link to Understanding Reincarnation
Our choices do influence how we die
Our relationship with life and death
640 Comments
When someone we love is seriously ill or dying so much comes up for us, so it really is a time to let go of and heal all that remains unresolved between you both and appreciate all that you have learned and experienced together. And yes Gyl I totally agree, why wait for extreme situations to bring it all to our attention as this constant healing and appreciation should be a founding principle to our everyday in all of our relationships.
Death is an offering of a marker for us all involved to consider how we have lived our life thus far, how have we evolved, and if we have lived the love, the truth the Soulfulness of who we are. For death is not the end of us, it is only that our evolution is calling for the next phase and can no longer evolve through the physical body we are in, as such our Souls continue to move in to the next phase being called for our evolution. And so, we all have the opportunity to be blessed by the cycle of someone passing over, if we are willing to be open to embracing all that this cycle that we are part of has to offer, and honor the wisdom and truth that is presented for us.
Until we live all that we are we can not see all that we all are. When the divine flame is once again lit within we will see the same flame in another.
This is a huge lesson to learn about life,
“I am going to allow myself to observe and learn. If people choose to argue, fight or create their own issues or woes, that is their choice.”
Not getting involved is huge for me because as a child I would run around trying to fix the family and the squabbling that went on looking back it was a wasted effort and certainly wasn’t welcomed by my family but I couldn’t bare to feel the atmosphere that the arguing produce it fuelled the nervous tension already running in my body
No holding back in life allows us to truly evolve and yet living in protection is our greatest form of delay.
Great points Ariana & Michael. As we die or go to sleep at night there is the space to feel how we have been living. If that is less than what we know deep within is possible this is all being felt.
Reading this tonight I felt that we can sometimes spend so much time trying to get other people to fit with our requirements, so as to not highlight our past hurts, that only when the time we have with them becomes limited to we let go of this.
Reading this really makes me ask the question ‘why are we waiting for someone to get sick or something to happen to them before we can express in full?’ – feels like a crazy game we play to hold back. When really if we say what is there to be said all the time, then we would not have any regrets.
It is a very freeing moment supported by the body to let others deal with their stuff, to see everything that happens in front of your eyes, even with people whom you have allowed to control you for most of your life, to just be. This is another deepening moment of love we have said yes to to ourselves, and an equal moment of deepening our love with them and to the world.
Your commitment to changing things and building deeper relationships with your family is awesome Gyl, We can learn a lot at family events, certainly from experience they seem to be catalysts for things to come up but also massive opportunities to develop relationships with everyone.
I get to meet people who are dying regularly and what I find is that many have given up already, the spark has gone and a sadness remains and often a deep regret take hold. This is quite the opposite to those I meet who’s love and zest for life is still very evident even if they are completely bed bound.
The eyes say it all and it is beautiful to look into someones eyes who hold a deep knowing that indeed it is not the end rather a new beginning.
Imminent death can very quickly remind everyone of what is truly important in life. And at the end of the day it is whether we have lived to our fullest each and every day.
There is something about these moments where people open their hearts and re-connect to the fact that there is nothing more important than loving each other.
“Passing over is actually an opportunity to evolve for everyone involved, and never is it the end”, wise words indeed Gyl. Such a sad reality that as a society we do not embrace this fact.
Thanks Gyl , the challenge as you show is to see people ” the precious , divine and delicate beings we all equally are ”
The evolution factor here is that we cannot see the truth we do not live . This is were Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon comes in , we can see the truth been lived therefore evolution is presented to us.
It is a sad fact Gyl that in many families it does take the loss of a person to bring them together. These days especially where we are usually all scattered all over the planet! To make the effort to keep in touch with or forgive someone who we may have fallen out with makes perfect sense and a healing is able to take place. To heal old wounds or not allow them in the first place.
Dying is another important point in our lives where we can address undealt with emotional issues so as not to passover with these issues.
Perhaps the saddest death in our society is the way we have stopped seeing people as sprits who reincarnate life after life to return to truth, to return to light. Knowing this brings so much understanding, beauty and appreciation to the true scale of life. To live without this deep knowing is a serious bereavement. Thank you Gyl for sharing your experience. Yes we will always grieve those that depart but perhaps our true sorrow is the lack of appreciation with which we have lived.
Death and dying can indeed illicit emotion, complication and drama. I love how you have negated this Gyl by highlighting that death and dying is about evolving, pure and simple.
And not about pushing ourselves to act in a certain way, something we should do for the person or should feel in ourselves. To allow ourselves to feel the enormity of what is on offer in the process of death and dying when we stay open to evolve.
I’ve had many arguments that 5, 10 minutes in you wouldn’t be able to tell WHAT we were arguing about in the first place. We let out a lot of our frustration with ourselves on other people, and as you’ve shared throughout our entire lives we may hold something against someone, that can very easily be let go of if we stop putting so much of our energy into shutting them out.
There is nothing like the death of someone close to make us realise what is actually important in life. We focus on so much trivia that the truth gets buried. When it comes to life and death we begin to see clearly.
I had found out more about my father at his funeral then I had known in the 50 years I had lived. Holding back who we are for whatever reason, does normally put your cards you have played close to your chest, on the table in the end. Why wait?
Beautiful, how you have exposed our ways with death and how we can choose to not make it about evolution when we stay in the sadness. It is a sad moment that someone will pass on but at the same time, we allways learn something from it for us all to evolve.
It is true there is so much unnecessary hate, discontent and lack of responsibility within our behaviour, when it comes to relationships, with ourselves and with others. Then when a death is imminent somehow those things we hold against another seem trivial – so if we can drop them so quickly under these circumstance how come we find it difficult to when there is no threat of death.
A beautiful, open and personal blog Gyl; thank you for sharing your experiences and your wisdom. The passing of a close family member certainly does bring up much to ponder on.
When the death of a loved one is eminent a great opportunity is offered to all involved to evolve, as past hurts are brought up to be healed and the pettiness let go of, true love is able to be felt and shared, bringing family closer together with a deeper understanding what in life is truly important.
Yes Gyl, this reminds me of a scenario from films where our hero gets to see their life zoomed out and with a bigger perspective. It’s like they are stunned by what is really going on underneath all the day to day dramas. When you consider the possibility of re-incarnation too, the story and scale of our lives is so much grander than it seems to just me and you. How ironic that we only seem to access the truth about life when we are about to depart. There seems to be in this a key – to keep close at hand the simple knowing that death is a fact. This feels like it allows us to open our heart and relish each moment we get to share – instead of being shut down and scared.
I love the way the imminence of death is a great reality check. It makes you realise what is important in life and what is indulgent or frivolous. I also love the way people realise the pointlessness of hanging onto hurts, which wastes precious time to be loving with one another.
Death is never the end, we get this reflection from nature when a plant dies, it regenerates and comes back again. There is a cycle to life, and death is part of that cycle just as birth is. When we truly understand re-incarnation we will be filled with joy when our loved ones pass over.
The whole process of death and dying can be and often is a wonderful opportunity to evolve and grow for all those involved. The only thing that prevents that from occurring is when we try and make death out to be the enemy. Death is not the enemy; it is a natural part of life and once understood is a great healer.
Death brings up a lot. It can show where a relationship is as well as the potential. What I see here is an opportunity to have full relationships and leave nothing unsaid. In this instance, every stage is complete. Whilst I know this is sometimes easier said than done, I find even when I complete what is there to be shared with a loved one instead of holding back, it allows me to have a deeper and more honest relationship. Every movement can contribute to a fuller or lesser expression.
Gyl, this is a great question, ‘Why do we spend our lives not loving people or ourselves, instead seeing ourselves and other people for everything they are not? Rather than the precious, divine and delicate beings we all equally are.’ Reading this I can feel what a waste of time this is, that if we accept and love people, including ourselves for who we are and who others are then life will be more loving, more connected and more joyful.
this blog really brings it down to the truth of death, it is an opportunity to evolve just like every other part of life. We are all going around in circles making choices and taking or leaving these moments of evolution which are not rare.
Beautifully written Gyl. Being able to see death as part of the greater processes of evolution itself and that we never truly leave each other but simply move on is very powerful and supportive because it opens up the possibility that there is more to life than what earth has to offer and that perhaps we are from a greater place all together.
If we are willing to see the bigger picture and view life as an ‘Earth School’ to be attended to return to the love that we truly are – death and dying would be understood as a simple cycle of life, that we keep returning to, for as long as it takes for us to know our divine essence and live it in full.
Absolutely Stephanie. There is so much more to death and dying than most of us care to know or be aware of. How different our approach would be if we understood in full that the cycle of life and death is exactly that, and that we do just keep coming back until we eventually come to know that we are truly Divine and as you say, ‘live all that we are, in full’.
And never iT is the end…..
Very beautiful And so true.
To feel this within ourselves and share that wisdom with others supports them to surrender.
This blog reminds me of the saying ‘ live every day as if it was your last one (in this life)’ and that there is definitely some truth in this.
So if we can let go of this in death, why can’t we let go of it in life? – amazing question. Perhaps, when we are close to death we know that we have nothing else to “lose” so these things become unimportant. However, they are not important either way and we really do not need them, so what do we get out of them?
It is the age old question – “is death really the end”, we all hope and pray it is not, but we don’t know so then we need to “enjoy” every part of life to the fullest and get every scrap out of it, just in case death is the end. But what if that approach is completely missing the purpose of life, which is to develop and evolve, rather than enjoy, party and be comfortable?
The leveler for all is the threat of death as no one can escape it. However, how our world will change when it is accepted and acknowledged that there is an even greater leveler, if chosen, as it surpasses death – and that is Love.