I have often avoided the thought of dying. There are so many beliefs of how one should approach the subject. I had always seen death and dying to be full of doom, gloom and drama, which is perhaps why I had previously avoided being around anybody who was close to dying.
The experience I had recently with my dear friend who was terminally ill and dying, was quite revolutionary for me. I was part of a group of people who all came together to support and help a friend during her last year of life. What was amazing was to listen to each person’s experience; how deeply touched they were with being able to know this woman and to be with her in the final stage of her life.
It was beautiful to be in the presence of this woman, who was very ill, but who was not fighting it, who was not holding onto life or in denial of what was happening to her body.
Up until her last breath she was supported and had full awareness of what was going on around her. She was able to stay at home and she never lost her dignity or ability to choose what was right for her. When she passed over she was not alone and had the company and support of friends. For her, there was no fear of death or dying and no giving up either – it was just an acceptance and surrender to the process and the cycle of life and death.
As a group of friends who shared this experience – before and after – we discussed death and dying and why this subject is often not spoken about. It’s as if we are afraid to upset another or offend.
We talked about coffins, we discussed the cultural beliefs and how we had not really known another way. I don’t think there really is a right or wrong way, but I do think that possibly we have never really stopped to consider what feels true for us, rather than what is socially accepted.
The other thing that just made me smile and even look forward to my dying day was that she chose to pass away at home. Her home was calm and she stayed in her own bed up until about 3 weeks before passing over, so she was able to feel comfortable in her surroundings. The view from her bedroom was beautiful and meant that while she could sit up, she could enjoy the birds and nature outside her window.
It was beautiful to feel the way we all worked together in supporting this process for our friend who was approaching death and dying.
I can only imagine how beautiful it must have felt for her to be supported by friends in this phase of life. For her it was a time of heightened awareness and openness and a deep surrendering to what was happening, with deep clarity and a depth of true connection.
Just thinking about this amount of support and love makes me realise that we could be offering this to so many others who are passing over; but we often don’t, because so far it’s not the norm.
I have been inspired by Serge Benhayon and the many presentations of Universal Medicine that have increased my awareness on the subject of death and dying and my experience with supporting my friend through this process in her last year of life. I have been inspired to share my experience so that it too may inspire others to start to offer another way of support for their friends and family when they are terminally ill: to deeply appreciate and honour this special time and opportunity to connect at a deeper level with each other.
By Rosie Bason, Age 35, Massage therapist, Business owner, Parent, Goonellabah, NSW
Further Reading:
Death & Dying – A Taboo Topic or a Joyful, Normal Conversation?
Reincarnation: Does Everything Start and End?
The Kingly Body – Building a Connection With Your Soul
What an amazing example of passing over with dignity and grace. I have seen quite few elderly people die and there is a part of them that struggles to hang onto to life as they slowly fade way as they don’t eat or drink. I feel it can be really hard on the nursing staff as they do everything to make them as comfortable as possible and I have witnessed how loving and gentle they are. I am full of admiration of the nursing staff I have worked with they are truly amazing people.
I feel the key to approach death is found in the surrender in both the person who is in the dying process and the people around them. This is what allows to have a very enriching experience in those moments that goes beyond life and death, and remains endless within us.
At the other end of the cycle we have birth, and a week ago at a christenings the empowering words that were shared and the authority that they held us in was real and felt by young and old, “to deeply appreciate and honour this special time and opportunity to connect at a deeper level with each other.” What a great way to understand we are more than this simple human vessel, so as a community we can deepen every relationship in the most intimate (non sexual) way. Intimacy is letting people in and appreciation goes hand in hand with intimacy and to energetically appreciate is to understand first and for-most we are more than human and so are others equally so.
All the discussion around death we have makes the death phase of life become a passing-over because the process of dying is understood and confirmed as something not to be feared as we can all feel that we have completed our association at this point of time. And we are then all ready and open to re-connecting when we are back in a different vessel.
There are many societies that still celebrate birth and death equally. What would the world be like if we made this the norm?
We would definitely appreciate these cycles and reincarnation in its true form, and thus be more intimate by letting people in.
It will be wonderful to have this as the norm, ‘Just thinking about this amount of support and love makes me realise that we could be offering this to so many others who are passing over’.
The more we all share our experiences of death and dying the more we will realise and accept that it is a natural part of the cycle of life and rebirth. We all have something to learn from each other whether it is as a newborn or approaching death. and dying.
The Loving-support and non-imposing dedication shown obviously allowed a deepening awareness for everyone involved so there was no regrets held about a life that was full until the end.
I can only imagine what a beautiful experience it would be, to be so lovingly supported by friends and the community on passing over like your friend was.
Yes, it does sound a beautiful experience to have so much love and support at this time in your life, I welcome the day this is the norm for everyone.
It seems to me like death is a great opportunity to learn that all the things we hold onto in life – all the grudges, problems, things we don’t like, stresses and even all the things we love or need are simply not worth hanging onto, it’s almost like in dying we get a new lesson in how to live.
It is so true Rosie that our openness to talking about death and dying is virtually non-existent and as a result we are allowing the ‘taboo’ that has been imposed around this cycle of life, one we all will be met with, to undermine the deepening of love, power, wisdom and grace that is actually on offer to all of us through this phase. Thank you for sharing how there is another way on that is beautifully beholding, honouring and deeply caring and supportive it can be when we are open to being present and sharing ourselves honestly through this cycle of life. In fact, the more talk about it more now in our everyday lives the more we break down the taboo, the mystery around death and dying and bring to light the truth of what this cycle represents and offers all of us, so then it is with preparedness we all know what is needed to support each other to maximise what is on offer.
Acceptance of death and death cycle heals friends, family and person who is passing over into their next life. The dying person’s gracious acceptance of their own passing over inspired those around her and many more who will read this blog.
Conversations about death and dying before, during and after is an essential part of preparing for and accepting it.
Death can be healing: we don’t have to be left bereft and devastated when a loved one dies. We can instead and regardless of their own view of death or nature of it walk alongside a dying person, support them, be a holding presence, work as a team with doctors, nurses other practitioners, friends and relatives. Being in the presence of a dying person is about the quality we bring to them, not just being in attendance.
Our quality, that we live in and bring to all we meet is super important, and has an effect on everyone.
What I loved from your sharing is the feeling of everyone being together going through the experience and it struck me that I have heard it said that it takes a community to raise a child but never about a community coming together to support someone to pass over. This has to be the blueprint for the future.
I love feeling the community in your sharing Rosie. The passing over was not just about this person passing over, but an evolutionary process for all involved. I can feel the joy in naturally supporting her till her last breath and how everyone was truly supported with supporting her. True community that will one day be the common way on earth
Absolutely embracing the evolution on offer to all concerned through the passing over process.
I too Rosie was part of the group that supported our dear friend, the reflections in how she approached death and passing over were so inspiring for us who were able to witness this. How beautiful the process can be when a person opens up deepening their own love to accept what is on offer during these times, preparing them to enter the next phase in the cycle of life and death.
Passing-over is a natural cycle, as is us re-turning or reincarnating and this should be a part of any discussion we are going to have around birth and end of life. How we live to our last breath from the day we are born all is a part of what should be our understanding of what we have lived we come back to, so can you imagine saying to a grumpy controlling 2 or 3 year old this is exactly how you were when you passed-over in your last incarnation. This is something that we need to share with our children from day one in the most Loving way so they grow up understanding what responsibility is all about and then we will start to go to our last breath with no regrets.
And passing with no regrets so that we feel complete with every relationship with nothing left unsaid and all that is said is based on decency with respect, which is coming from Love.
The way I have come to understand death and dying is that it’s not to be feared or fought but can be accepted as a part of life. However I understand this is not everyone’s relationship with it but the more normal we talk about it the more it gets accepted.
Absolutely, and the more we talk about it and support people this way the more normal it can become. Although I think it is more normal in a lot of countries, but perhaps just not spoken about.
To be surrounded with this level of love in your final days is very beautiful and something that many would want but simply don’t experience. Our life is often lived in a way today where the depth and quality we seek is absent in our connections with others.
And even when we get a taste of that connection and quality, we resist it as we are afraid that we may like it too much and then it will be gone!
In our society it is natural to celebrate birth and being young. Getting older, ageing is already one step further away, we know we all do but the emphasis is on staying young and then death and dying is generally speaking something we avoid as much as we can to not be confronted by the fact that our live on earth has an end. We have left the natural cycle we live in far behind us and try to live a superficial life until eventually death catches up with us. In this case it was different and inspiring as it was a beautiful completion of her life.
Yes imagine what it would look like in society if we gave as much energy and effort to death and dying as we do to birth and staying young!
After reading this blog it occurred to me that just simply talking about dying with each other would be so healing and helpful in breaking down the stereotypes and fears of this most natural (and inevitable) process. I feel that the majority of fear of death (at least for myself) comes from a concern that I have not capitalised on everything I am here to do in this life by living with as much love and service to others as possible. Even writing this now is helpful for me to see how living with that fear is handicapping by not appreciating all that I bring to the world just by being me and all I have already done with love. In addition, I imagine if one does not believe (or know) of the fact of reincarnation it will have a real challenging effect on how they view the dying process and how they live their life in perhaps a more self-centred way if they think it’s over after death.
Isn’t it also interesting that we don’t talk about death until someone close to us is ill or someone dies but even then, its not a conversation where you dig deep and really go there. It is great when we cut the superficial chit chat and allow ourselves to express and feel all that is there when we talk about dying and the fact that it is just this life and then there will be another.
A profound way to feel and look at death.. one that allows more wideness to the subject and more fresh breath and air to its principles. We know what feels true to us ; also around the subject of death and dying, hence to come back to our truth and what we feel that is important – is important for us to express and share with others. Thank you for highlighting this in your blog.
I now have a few very close friends all diagnosed with cancer and I appreciate what I have learnt from the experience and now take every opportunity to express things with them and not hold back.
Thank you for sharing this inspiring experience Rosie. What you have shared about your friend’s passing ought to be the way we all are cared for and supported in our last days, but sadly as you say, “it is not the norm”. Until we begin to open up and share the fact that life and death are all part of the same cycle many will live their lives fearing death therefore living in a way that prevents them from living their life to the fullest until the last moment, as your friend was able to do.
Yes Ingrid, lets make this way the norm, lets normalise it so that others don’t have to be in fear but enjoy life until their last breath. Why wouldn’t we want that.
Death is not something that should be hidden away, or ignored, or pitied, or avoided. Death is a part of all of our lives, and so embracing the process and supporting one another is a crucial requirement.
And it is ridiculous to think otherwise or to avoid it and the preparation for it. I have other friends who have started to prepare for their passing over and it is inspirational. Taking care of their affairs, making sure they don’t leave any baggage for others to deal with. It is actually very responsible and I think it needs to be the normal.
That is very true Rosie, we need a deeper and true form of appreciation towards the end of life cycle; being in it or being around it. Makes our death and dying worth of Gold.
I agree Danna. There is so much information about the birth process but the death process, is for the most part, conveniently ignored. If we see it as part of a cycle, as you suggest, then it becomes a natural consequence in our life and actually the beginning of another way of life or existence. The time leading up to our death and how we die is then of great import. Being able to support our friends and loved ones at this time can be very healing for all parties. In my experience two of the things that most get in the way are sympathy and regret. Appreciation on the other hand allows us a very different way of being with each other.
And if we think about regret, it is all about ourself and is mostly because we didn’t do this or that or take responsibility. And as I write this, no wonder we don’t want to think about it because then we would see that we are the ones that can change this or do something about it.
Could it be that passing-over is what we have all been looking for and dying is what we have been avoiding? For what you have shared Rosie, is a passing-over and when the student is ready they will no longer die or fear death.
With the surrender and acceptance from the one who is preparing for passover and the loving non-emotional support from friends feels like such a graceful and beautiful time. It creates an experience that hasn’t been the usual one for many but if I had a model to work to then this is what I would choose when my time comes. To fight creates such an angst and emotional disturbance, yet what you describe Rosie I get a feeling of openness, peace and space.
In these times I’m acompanying a very dear friend of mine in this process and I can say that this is a very precious experience to have. Opening together the conversation to explore and feel whatever is there interfering to feel more the love we are united in… a beautiful time to say goodbye from our body and deepen the connection we already have. This is not something to escape from, but an exquisite experience worth to be lived.
This is beautiful Amparo, and how it should be. It would be great if you could write about your experience and share it with us all.
“For her, there was no fear of death or dying and no giving up either – it was just an acceptance and surrender to the process and the cycle of life and death.” We could and should apply this consistently with life all the way through so, when the eventful time comes we are not only supporting ourself but all those that are supporting us – it will make the world of difference.
Yes I too have never felt comfortable being around someone who is dying but I am coming to a new awareness of this and can appreciate the importance of this time of life and the support that is needed.
Why is is that we don’t feel comfortable though? I would love to have an open forum on just this question.
Is the reason that we feel uncomfortable that we do not want to face our past – the way we have lived our life fully knowing that we have lived less than who we truly and innately innately are?
Having experienced death at a young age for me it was more observing how adults reacted to death and how it was more a solemn and hush, hush thing. I was usually left to my own devices or told very little around the circumstance of the deaths of my grandparents and auntie and always felt that there was more than just death but found it hard to be honest with my family as they struggled to get past their feeling of sadness and grief. For me I feel it is all around the fear of death and that it is seen as the end when really it is another opportunity to learn, grow and openly discuss as topic that is a celebration and an honouring life and the cycles we all live within.
I have heard stories from friends who experienced similar, when they were young and their was death around. Instead of it being talked about, the children were sheltered and protected, or so they thought.. in an atempt to keep them from being sad but that has only left children confused rather than being open and discussing what death really is.
It is great when we can see our thoughts and patterns of behaviours and not be owned by them anymore, not letting them control us but feel what is okay and needed in each given moment.
To support a friend who is dying and who has no fear of death must be a very graceful experience. For most of us, death is shrouded in fear, anxiety and is a process we deny and fight. To offer another outlook on this most natural of experiences is deeply needed, and possibly, with the new outlook we are also offered another way to appreciate and live life differently too.
Yes and what I am now learning, is to allow the time and space for our loved ones to make their own choices, even if it is not what we feel is best for them.
Beautifully expressed Rosie everyone should be able to claim the right to die with dignity and the ability to choose what feels right for them and we all do need . . . . “to deeply appreciate and honour this special time and opportunity to connect at a deeper level with each other.” . . . which then leads on to appreciating each other every day and then when our time comes to pass-over we are able to really let go and go even deeper.
There is such a delicateness and sensitivity in this piece of writing, a beautiful understanding of what death truly is, and the fears society has at large around death. You share Rosie the grace that can be and ought to be in that stage of our life that once upon a time we did know was a very special and glorious time, not one to dread or fear, but one to embrace in the quality of surrender as your friend reflected – surrendering letting go of the physicality we can so easily identify with. In the knowing that even though the body dies, we do not, there is the most beautiful letting go that awaits us.
Yes there is a letting go but what I have just become aware of today is that, we all can do this in our own time and not when someone else thinks we should….
The understanding that passing over and leaving the physical body is just the start of another cycle of life offers an awareness that birth, life and death are all part of the same cycle in bringing us back to the divinity of where we come from.
I agree and would like to celebrate death in the same way we celebrate birth as it is just the same and great in many ways as it means the person is onto their next life!
Dying at home and being fully engaged to the very last breath is a beautiful way to go and shows us that death is a natural and awe-inspiring part of life rather than a dreaded inevitability. Besides, who really wants to live on and on and on, seeing the mess we tend to create?
There really is only one way out of the drama of death that has sold humanity for aeons… And that is to know, truly know, that we are in an ongoing cycle that only stops with our true evolution
Dying is a natural and inevitable process of life – so is our resistance to it simply because we know we have missed the opportunity to understand the true meaning of life and as a consequence haven’t lived every day to its fullest, haven’t lived and loved to our potential and in appreciation of all we could have learned.
We often don’t live our potential or express what we want so getting close to dying can bring up all of that and it can be challenging. It reminds me to live each day to its fullest!
We all go through these cycles and no one gets a “get out of death” free card so we might as well start accepting it and also appreciating what this part of life actually offers.
The way we as a society currently approach death is so heartless and generally uncaring. In not speaking openly about death with each other we are left to deal with the sense of ‘fear of the unknown’ by ourselves, whilst being surrounded by our family and friends who also feel the fear of the end of this cycle approaching. Rosie, in what you have shared you have shown that there is another way that brings the truth, love and power that is available for us all to embrace through this cycle, one that we are all inescapable part of. Our willingness to talk and openly share about how we feel is what brings greater understanding and awareness to our lives through which we then can offer true support, care and love for each other, at all times, and especially as we pass through our cycle of death.
Talking, expressing how we feel, listening to each other and understanding just changes everything and leaves no room for misunderstandings or false assumptions.
Imagine if, every day, in our media, there were people writing and sharing in this way about dying …. It is STILL the enormous elephant in the room that humanity seems to mostly just choose to ignore.
Even if we are not ready to write about it… which I am and still have more to come, if we would all at least start to talk about it and not keep playing as if it is not part of life and accept it really is, and truth is, we will all die. No big deal. We have done it before and we will do it again. It is all part of the cycle of life.
I feel the trouble is that we avoid this subject and do not talk much about death and dying, so pretty much everybody, the person dying as well as the friends and relatives face death unprepared. If we would prepare ourselves more and look deeper into the matter we might discover that it can be a very sacred and deeply connecting period in our lives when someone is passing over and does not have to be this gloomy, horrible picture we make it to be.
I agree, with preparation, and talking about it, there is nothing to fear and nothing to be sad about really.
Death is one of those topics that we think we know nothing about, and we hand it over to the experts when it is approaching one of our loved ones. The experts are needed, to assist with pain support and all that comes with a passing, but what you offer here is that family, friends and loved ones can also play a vital role in supporting a person. The key is knowing that this is not an end but a transition, and when looked at that way, all manner of opportunities now present on how to support the person.
And the way we approach it matters, it matters a lot… as it is not something dreadful but a great opportunity, a beautiful transition if it is allowed to be. I see it as a honour.
The way that you have described the care that you all gave for your friend during her last year is very touching because of the intimacy and the love that was clearly there all the way to the end.
oh yeah!!! this brings back memories, one day, I was massaging part of her bottom as she was getting a bit sore from being in bed so much….. and I remember clearly saying to her….” you know…. I don’t just massage anyone’s bottom, because as a massage therapist, you just don’t do this….. but for you I will do anything to support you”. It was such a natural thing to do and I thought of how we care for babies and how we need to bring that same level of love and care for our elderly too. Thanks for triggering the memory. I loved that special moment together.
This beautiful process of passing over that your friend experienced is something that every one of us ought to have the opportunity to experience; it should be regarded as totally normal. To be held in so much love until our last breath feels absolutely exquisite; why should it be any other way?
It really shouldn’t be any other way… who wouldn’t want this type of love, care and support for themselves or their loved ones. We just need to live it and offer it for each other so that it becomes normal.
A beautiful sharing Rosie, of a beautiful woman who touched many hearts with her commitment to live life in full awareness to the very end, it was a joy to be with her, so much love and appreciation she showed to those who lovingly cared for her. She was so aligned to her souls calling that she has given, in her passing a new model of death and dying and what it means to bring true Palliative care to those passing through this cycle of life.
Yes she touched many, and really has lead the way to show us what true palliative care can look like.
Living and dying are part of the whole- one doesn’t happen without the other. To live this awareness opens up for conversations at appropriate times which supports understanding that there are things to talk about, learn, discover, clear with-in ourselves and each other. Holding it all in till the end isn’t loving or supportive for anyone.
If we do understand that we are the divine Sons of God and are not like animals but do need that special care in which we are honored for who we are, not only in the physical but also in the the energy that we emanate from our essence and are loved for.
It’s so beautiful to read the comments and to see how much we are all growing just by reading the blog and comments and allowing ourselves to accept the inevitable and let go of holding on. As you have said Rosie we are very sensitive as we pass over and can feel more deeply our part in the bigger picture as we let go of all that is temporal.
I agree Susan, reading the comments, you can already feel a shift as we all become more comfortable with talking about death and dying.
Rosie, what you have shared here is beautiful: “to deeply appreciate and honour this special time (death and dying) and opportunity to connect at a deeper level with each other.” – and yet I would also say that our whole life is a preparation for our death and hence everything that we ‘do’ and everything about how we are is a part of our preparation for leaving this life. Hence everything matters, and how beautiful to see that nothing is to be left as unimportant or insignificant.
And when we live with the knowing and understanding that everything matters, there is the opportunity to be present and really love and embrace it all, rather than check out, be complacent or not really appreciate every magical moment and realise that we can make what we want of that moment. Miss it or live it, it is up to us.
Oooops! I didn’t realise that I broke a rule!! he he he….
Isn’t it interesting that we fear something because we have no understanding of it.. yet when talk about it, there actually is nothing to fear at all.
It’s enormous what you have shared Rosie as it is breaking all the rules that we have all tended to live life by – and now I am gradually realising that with true relationship there are no rules of behaviour, as all we need to do is to connect to our essence and feel the love that we naturally are and from there we cannot but act in a truly loving and harmonious way. For me this is revolutionary as I was brought up fearing death and illness as it was not discussed at home – and no one else seemed to talk about these subjects either. It would be so much more reassuring if we all began this conversation with one another and allowed people to let go of their fears and embrace death as did your friend.
I can certainly relate to the looming nature of death – knowing everyone needs to go through it by virtue of being alive. Much like giving birth actually, once you’re pregnant, that baby needs to come out somehow! Connecting to livingness now and knowing that every choice is counts towards everything, I am beginning to have a different relationship with life and thus death too.
Better to have a relationship with the whole concept of death as like you said, there is no way to avoid it. Fact. And when I think of death, it actually makes me appreciate life too, which is a good thing as sometimes I forget!
I watched my mother dying for over 50 years. When my father died when I was 9 my mother wanted to die then. She lived in that energy for over 50 years yes and at times she laughed a lot but in our private conversations she wished that it would all end for her and she asked me how to end her life. This is the complete opposite to what you have shared Rosie. My mother also died totally disconnected to any reality, in truth it was a slow and pain-full death. This is amazing to read Rosie, so that when life is lived to the full then passing-over is a joy for all concerned.
It is interesting how consumed with another we can get, and sacrifice our life to them… and give up on life without them… and how this does not just affect those two, but it must have affected you and others too.
Thank you Rosie, you have described very beautifully the way in which I would like to pass on to complete this phase of the cycle of life. To pass on without fear or angst but with loving stillness, harmony and acceptance, for myself and from those around me; what a divine blessing for all.
That there are people in our community who are choosing to support those passing on in a very new way is a sign of a quantum shift in our society that will redefine death for us all… eventually.
I love and appreciate that I am part of that history in the making.
Sure this is history making as unknown and so needed in our nowadays societies but to me it is also important to remember that we have lived this before and that it is a way of living we actually are returning to.
Good point Nico, it is just not what I have experienced in this lifetime.
Rosie thank you for sharing, there is a great deal we can learn from your experience, the U.K. Health Service is beginning to talk more about the advantages of the elderly being cared for in their own home after operations and maybe in time will come round to offering care for the dying in their own home to, so lovely to read about all the support you and others gave your friend.
What we have as a way of looking after our elderly is clearly not that great, anywhere in the world basically so I really love and appreciate what Serge Benhayon is doing, leading the way with a new model of how to care for our loved ones when they are passing over. I hope that over time, this becomes the norm so that everyone has another option.
People feel us walking around on egg shells or trying to be this or that when really all we want is for people to be real and honest with us no matter what stage of life we are in.
I would also like to investigate the process family and friends go through when someone passes over, it’s not often discussed and friends and family have little or no experience with supporting. So far I have observed it’s a process that hits rather hard after a month or so when everyone has gone back to their everyday, leaving the bereaved feeling very vulnerable with few strategies to cope.
I love that you wrote this Merrilee, as it was just this week that I was thinking about how I could share more of my experience to support others. Being left behind for some, is a devastating experience and more support and awareness is most definitely needed in this area and as you say, it is often not immediately after the event but can even be up to a year later when things and emotions have not be addressed or expressed and are buried deep within.
If death and dying was the only subject upon which Universal Medicine presented, it would be enough to definitively validate its presentations, as this subject is so cloaked in mis-information that leaves humanity in dis-empowering ignorance of the truth of this matter, and Universal Medicine shines a powerful light of truth upon it.
It sure does and I am feeling to write another blog on the subject now that two years later I have even more understanding of death and dying and how it can be embraced rather than feared.
This model of palliative care should be shared more widely. The elder residential care model leads some of us to renounce responsibility for the care and support of another until they pass over. Some of us are content to leave a person in residential care assuming all their needs are taken care of. In my experience this is often not the case. Communities working together to ensure elders living in residential homes are regularly visited and lovingly supported would prevent thousands of them living isolated and loveless lives,
Reading your comment, I realised there was no isolation in this case… in fact, visitors were turned away as there were so many people dropping in and offering support.. so very different to how so many elders pass away lonely in homes with no one familiar nearby.
We are supported in all phases of our lives, so why not provide the same support in our passing over. While our dying is a natural phase of our lives, we are born and at a certain time we will die, we cannot change it, something in us is more attached to this particular life than to the grander cycle of birth and death we are in and in that do not like the ending phase of it. And in this disliking we forget that we are part of this continuous cycle and cannot see that we actually live one life, therefore should give all phases of it the same support and appreciation.
We are so attached to our lives and accumulating that we forget it’s only temporary and so are we. We have pictures of life and our future that we get a shock when someone passes over, leaving a big hole in the image that we are not prepared for, it’s like we avoid looking at the possibility of death. Your conversation Rosie brings dying into the everyday where we can embrace the process and see the immortality of the person beyond the physical body.
So true Merrilee, we are only here temporarily in this body. We must not ignore this unavoidable fact of life.
No need to wait until we are faced with our passing to express and live the love we truly are, our every moment counts.
Every moment sure does count. A couple of years back I was misdiagnosed and told that I would probably only live for 5 years and end up blind and in a wheel chair. It was a scary time but it was great in many ways because it made me stop and appreciate every moment and really choose how I wanted to spend my time. Once I was told it was a misdiagnosis, I was over the moon and at the same time changed in many ways because I could really see how precious life is and how there is no time to hold back the love that we are. We have so much love to express and share and I have held it back for way too long.
Thank you Rosie, a very needed conversation to have, to not see death and dying as the end but as a part of life that deserves the same attention as any other.
“It was beautiful to be in the presence of this woman, who was very ill, but who was not fighting it, who was not holding onto life or in denial of what was happening to her body.” This description is so far from the norm in our society – we have so much to learn about death and how to support the dying process and its not often discussed in today’s society – something to change.
As a society the world needs to really rethink the way we die, often people die lacking true support, yet we all want to die feeling loved cared for a cherished. Starting the conversation about death and not making it out to be some massive scary idea is a good start.
It is a tricky one isn’t it Mary, because we care so much and want to support our loved ones but we also just have to accept that they have different ideas and want things to go their way and the biggest support we can be is to just be there and hold them in love no matter what they chose or think. Too often I get caught in judging rather than accepting and understanding. I also have to remember to let go of any part of me that wants to control or have things go this or that way for whatever reason that actually suits me rather than another.
In a recent experience during the passing away of a close relative, I was dearly touched by how close to them I felt, even when they were no longer here present in their body. It was like all the barriers to our love for eachother had been taken away and we could just be the love that we are with eachother. There was no personality, no old hurts and protections. Just an embrace between us that felt ancient and full of grace. And this has shown me how love need not be withheld until those last moments, but in fact can be lived in the everyday. To me this is what death brings us to life: that there is love to be lived.
There is love to be lived and it feels so beautiful when we are able to let go of the hurts and not get caught in the images or should’s or shouldn’ts and just let ourselves be open to love and to be love.
Knowing and accepting we are all in a cycle that will end, brings a normality and practicality to the process, allowing the space for surrendering and opening up true expression, in the deepening we can have the conversations that we usually skim over, allowing heart felt feelings to be considered and a greater understanding of life with a bigger picture perspective.
There is such a lot of fear around death and being with those dying. What you have shared Rosie is that it can actually be a truly beautiful time of connection and support, and not to shy away at all from the opportunities present to be with loved ones. If we shed our physical body and move onto other cycles of life then death is just another phase of life and a preparation for a new beginning. This understanding in itself can help us approach death differently. What I really enjoyed about your blog was that your friends’ dying process was about being in connection and deepening the love you shared. Simple.
I just read your comment Melinda as I get notifications when someone comments on my blog. I love it, I love how so many are inspired by what I have shared and then I realised that in the past, if people brought up death or talked about someone who had passed away, I would at times feel sad thinking about them, but when anyone mentions this event in my life, I just smile and I feel this big sense of joy and loveliness because it brings back such beautiful memories of love and connection and I cherish the memories rather than look back on the end of my friends life like a sad and depressing time. It really was such a special time and I have the memories with me forever.
The support and care was truly amazing and beautiful to feel, ‘It was beautiful to feel the way we all worked together in supporting this process for our friend who was approaching death and dying.’
As we approach death if feels as though we take on more of a sense of purpose and all the things that have become distractions in our life fall away as we realise the significance of how we leave this plane of life – and how we return. We can either embrace this ending and prepare ourselves for passing over – or we can fight death and not feel the full impact of what our soul is offering us.
Yes, so true, and many prefer to distract themselves or numb themselves even more and I think this is because, it is a time where you are very sensitive and can feel so much, just as you once did as a young child and if you are not open to this it may be too much to handle. I know some find it really hard to feel all the sympathy and sadness those around them may be experiencing rather than just being present and accepting the moment and the phase or transition from one cycle of life to the next.
We all deserve love and support from each other no matter what stage of our lives we are at, but especially when we are about to leave this plane of life. To have those conversations and reassurance ought to be a normal thing, but I know that is not always the case. For us to see this process as a natural event is important and takes away the fear that many have. Thank you Rosie for this beautiful sharing.
There have been quite a few deaths recently in my circle of friends and family. It has given me the opportunity to have several conversations on the topic of death and dying. It’s been interesting finding out about some of the practical aspects we don’t ever get to consider like how much things need to be organised for a funeral and the huge costs involved.
There is a lot that needs to be organised and it is great when this isn’t just left for someone else and not taken care of. I was quite interested with the fact that in NSW you don’t have to have a funeral as such, you don’t have to have an undertaker and you can take your loved one to the crematorium yourself. I love this idea as it has always been something that I considered…. why on earth spend so much money on burying the dead. Just my own personal view. Not to upset anyone but just something I have thought of.
I have been having similar conversations and realising that there is much to do and plan and decide. Having a will, choosing who will make decisions on your behalf if you can’t are just a few things that need to be considered. I realise that to avoid this is irresponsible.
There is a lot of sadness and grief surrounding dying, because it is viewed as ‘the end’ and yes if I were very joy-full and knew it was going to end that would make me sad, but considering that the qualities of Joy, Love, Harmony and the entire universe itself is endless, than dying has a different perspective, Joy will never end – and this restores a lot of trust.
Great blog Rosie, when our life is about clearing past patterns, choices and karma, and re-imprinting choices from love, we are in a continual cycle moving from life and death, for me it feels that our whole life is preparing for our next, and death is both the end of one and the beginning of another, a continued cycle for us to constantly evolve through.
Totally agree with you and when we know that death is just the start of a new cycle, then there is nothing to fear but a lot to embrace!
I am so inspired by how this friend of yours choose to die, and how much the people around her were able to respect and support her process of so doing, and not be caught up in needing her to stay alive for their comfort. Allowing people to die in true peace is one of the greatest blessings they can be offered in this life.
Yes, makes dying totally different doesn’t it. And yes, allowing people do die this way without our own selfish needs is something for us all to learn from. Lets not make it about us, but about what is going to support them the most.
Just in reading these first few words about not fighting what is happening in the body, I feel very inspired. And I can see how so much tension, or inner turmoil can be created by fighting what my body says it wants or needs to do.
Yes, I am realising that more often than not, we fight rather than surrender and in that, we use a lot, a lot of energy to do so!
The more open we become when approaching the subject of death the more possibilities that open up as we realise that death is not an end but just part of the cycle of life. If we introduced the subject of illness, death and dying to the young they would grow up realising that there is nothing to be feared and this would remove the dread that comes upon so many as they age.
Thank you for sharing this Rosie. “it was just an acceptance and surrender to the process and the cycle of life and death.” This is a conversation we all need to share so that death and dying becomes a natural part of the cycle of life.
Being able to die at home surrounded by people who love and care for you seems like the perfect model of health/palliative care and the way future models of care should be heading. At the moment many people die disempowered, scared and feeling alone. This must have a huge impact on the way they pass over and how they come to their next life.
And really, if you ask people, no one wants to die alone. This is such a great model and one I hope to be a part of more often.
Often when someone is dying, the care falls to just one or a couple of people. This leads to burnout for the carer and they miss the amazing opportunity that has been shared here. Having a group of people to support the person through the dying process, seems like a very natural (although currently not normal) way to pass over at home, where both the carers and patient win.
This is a big thing. The burnout is so common and instead of having and enjoying those last special moments together, the carer is washed out, exhausted and totally unsupported. We need to work together in this, not turn our backs on our brothers and sisters, not walk away because we find it uncomfortable because in that, we all miss out.
Thank you for sharing your experience Rosie, that life can be and actually is a very natural part of life and how important it is to give each other support by deeply caring of another and open up the conversation about what dying and death mean for us.
‘Just thinking about this amount of support and love makes me realise that we could be offering this to so many others who are passing over; but we often don’t, because so far it’s not the norm.” But this may not always be the, could it be the fact that we hold back that we don’t care for each other in this way, because we don’t discuss openly and share how we feel, all throughout our life?
Surrendering to anything in life, letting go of situations, places, people, objects in life is pretty much not considered normal in a world where we are taught to build ourselves up and gather roles, identities, jobs, achievements etc like a dragon hoarding gold. So it would make sense that in the event when all these human life ‘treasures’ are to be given up and forfeited – because we can’t take them with us – that there’d be a resistance as it’s been our accepted normal to hold on and it is certainly not normal to let go. But just because it is not normal doesn’t mean that it’s not worth talking about and it feels healthy to have conversations about letting go of attachments, be it to objects, relationships, people and in this case, our lives as eventually all will have to be let go of.
It is inspiring to see someone approach the final part of their life with so much life in them and awareness. There is much that we can learn from this and be inspired by.
Passing over is a special time when, as the people who are left behind we get the chance to touch the other realms of life, the places where we understand life continues, whether that be in another dimension, or in the eyes of a child reminding us that life continues. Death of a loved one can be a confirming experience – confirming that there is life and that love carries on.
Death is such an intrinsic part of life and it’s cycles, I question if we can truly live if we do not fully accept our passing?
Interesting question. We can’t have one without the other!
Beautiful blog Rosie, I have also had the blessing of sharing the last years with someone in the process of passing. It can be a truly treasured time and I don’t feel we as yet appreciate the beauty and awareness that can come from these experiences with others. We are naturally cyclic beings, we come and we go and we come again.
That is a good point Victoria, often death and the time leading up to it is dreaded rather than really appreciated because it is an awesome opportunity and time to share with someone, and what I have noticed is that when nearing death, people can be highly aware and very open and real. No need to put on any masks or try to impress. So it is a time when you really get to know the real person who may have been living behind a few different masks even.
Reading your blog again Rosie I could appreciate and feel the enormous potential. A potential that today in our societies is untapped and smothered by the taboos and distorted beliefs about dying. It doesn’t and was never meant to be something to fear, shun or dread. If we were to open up the vulnerability we feel, we would also feel the eternal warmth that need never go out when the human body dies. Our fear of death comes from our own annihilation of who we really are. In the grandness of our universal truth, death is a cycle to embrace, celebrate and cherish as we take one more step closer to our true home.
So beautiful to read your comment Katerina and to feel how you have totally embraced Life and Death in a way that makes so much more sense than living in a way that is constantly denying reality and truth. You have allowed me to feel and to realise that there is potential – even in death.
Dying in dignity is something we all deserve because we are so much more than only this physical life in which we may have accepted misery to be the norm. We are divine and from the divine, part of a grander whole in which grace and dignity is the normal way to be.
Much better to look death in the eye in the understanding that it as much is part of life as the part we call “living”.
Such an experience could only leave one treasuring ‘life’ and those who are in our lives all the more… Could it be that our endemic societal denial of the reality of death, and the possibility of stepping out of our collective denial, holds the key for us to actually embrace life, and the way in which we interrelate, love and value each other in our ‘everyday’?
In embracing the fact of death, our lives become precious and to be deeply treasured.
Having been misdiagnosed myself at one point and being told I only had 5 years to live plus going through this beautiful experience with my friend, it really has made me value life and appreciate each and every moment we have together and treasure it.
This is truly beautiful to read Rosie. That someone can pass over being so deeply held and in complete dignity most surely speaks of how death could be for us all, if we only but embraced its reality and the great blessing it can bring to our lives and all of those around us.
Embrace it, prepare for it, talk about it and not fear it. This is what I have learnt and it has changed all of my ideals, fears and what nots about death.
Thank you for sharing this Rosie, we need more stories like this to be shared so death and dying becomes a natural part of our lives and not something we try to avoid and not know how to be with it.
What a wonderful and supportive way in which to pass over. How blessed was your friend to have all of you to support her and be there to assist this process. That it didn’t have to be awful, sad, depressive, but joyful, uplifting and incredibly loving.
Likewise I have had a gorgeous experience of someone passing away – a strange sentence but true nonetheless. It is that dignity, and staying with someone through the process which strips back the fear, engenders understanding about the process and provides an opportunity to witness the enormous love that can sweep aside much of the hum drum that we get caught in.
Why is “I have had a gorgeous experience of someone passing away” a strange sentence? Why is it not normal. Why is the emotional, sad death stories okay yet it is strange to be okay with passing over process?
To fully accept death and dying to be part of our lives asked us to surrender to, accept and appreciate in full the fact that we are multi dimensional beings living our human lives in cycles on this earth on our path of return, a return to that multi dimensional being in which we are part of a grander whole in which we belong to God, the Universe, the All.
Reading this blog has reminded me my husband and I need to make a will. Before the idea would have freaked me out, but it actually feels good to be thinking about making plans that will support our family and each other when the inevitable happens.
Making a will is a great idea. Planning and deciding how you want to pass over is super important and part of being responsible with your life. I was inspired recently by a friend who was clearing out her house. if you are terminally ill or not, why wait to get rid of things that don’t support you or keep on carrying old stuff.
Thank you Rosie – this is beautiful.. A sharing of pure joy of death and dying.. So contrary to how we have thought , images or experience with in life. Great time to turn it around and truly support people to pass over with the greatest support we got – all to lift them up to be more open, aware and held in love. Nothing else.
Thanks Monica, its been a while now and this event or time has stayed with me and has totally and utterly changed the way I feel about dying and how I am with people who are ill. I so appreciate that I had this experience. I learnt so much from it.
I love the simplicity of what you share here Rosie, the more we openly speak to each about death and dying the less fear or upset that may for people when they experience someone close to them pass away. The immense support and love offered to your friend whilst she was dying was beautiful to read and the lovely sense of community you all shared is certainly setting a new foundation or new ‘normal’ of how we can support another who is terminally ill or dying.
To be able to die with this amount of quality and care shows the willingness of the person to not hold onto any ideas or ways things should be. This comes with a lot of healing and understanding that shows the level of responsibility we can all choose when the times comes.
Yes Jane. I find this kind of conversations so needed to break this taboo topic and to start to see and feel death and dying in a new way. It’s really inspiring that letting go all the pictures about what a funeral is we can decide how we want to be our death based in what feels right for us. And how we can support others to see death in a natural way and to express more openly to each others all the feelings around this topic.
The pictures about what a funeral and death should or shouldn’t have a huge impact in our society. It supposes that it has to be a sad moment but…what if we consider that is not the end of life, it is just a change to start a new begining? We could live the last days of our life even like a celebration! A moment to check how we lived, what are our choices and their consequences in our bodies, a moment also to deepening and share with our friends and family…but what if could do all of this in full everyday of our lifes? that we don’t need to see “the end” to go deeper and check our choices?
Rosie I love the simple and loving way in how you supported your friend in the moment to approach her death. Also how she decided the way and the place to live the last days of her life. How she surrendered to her body and she didn’t fight against what was unavoidable…Everything really inspired me to decide how I want my own death to be and that I can truly support others if I see death and dying with naturality. What a gift of blog! Thank you.
She rocked it! She chose what supported her and she led the way. So inspiring and so beautiful to be a part of.
We take care of planning every other part of our life, planning our house, planning what to wear, planning this and that and we take responsibility for it and it is just as important to take care of our passing over. Planning, preparing, letting go of old stuff and not leaving your irresponsibility behind for another to pick up are a few things that come to mind.
Rosie, it’s beautiful to hear about a positive experience of dying for the person concerned and for her friends and family. Far from being a traumatic experience it sounds like it was an enriching experience for all. Thank you for sharing. You show just what is possible around this difficult subject.
A much needed blog because so much is left unsaid, avoided even, about death and dying. The arrangement of support for your friend that you describe is the palliative care of tomorrow, happening now and the approach of your friend to her own death and dying process, with her ‘heightened awareness and openness and a deep surrendering to what was happening, with deep clarity and a depth of true connection’ sets a true attitudinal blueprint for the experience. A really thought-provoking article.
Without an understanding of re-incarnation many people are obsessed with extending life rather than allow people to die naturally. Even when a person is seriously ill with a life-threatening illness, family and friends will do anything to prolong life, rather than accept the person is dying and lovingly support them to pass over. Instead there can be frantic attempts to seek a cure. With an understanding that this life is merely a bridge to the next and death is nothing to be feared, end of life can be glorious, peaceful and accepted with grace.
Absolutely agree Kehinde. Before I attended the Universal Medicine courses I saw death as the worse thing that I could experience in my life. I’ve never considered this fact as a unavoidable and when someone close to me died I tried to fit in the tipycal ritual of the christian funeral. I was so scared about death and dying.
When I started to understand that life is, as you well said, a bridge to the next I felt that death as a natural part of life and I could start to see all the pictures and ideas about what a funeral is and how we use to fit in these ideas rather than to feel and be open to truly support our family and friends in these moments. Today thanks to the teachings of Serge Benhayon I see my own death and of others more natural. I’m really inspired to live a deeper way of life where we can open more to express with everyone around us, not just in the last moments of life but everyday.
As I get older there are more and more funerals to attend. Its interesting to observe how people react differently to the death of someone close. My relationship with life has changed and has had an impact on how I now view death. The more I embrace life and find the joy in living, the more I can accept death as part of the cycle. Its no longer something I fear and I am definitely more open to talking about it.
I like how you ended your blog Rosie. If someone is terminally ill it’s a time – ‘to deeply appreciate and honour this special time and opportunity to connect at a deeper level with each other.’ Death as a topic is very much ignored and feared and it’s such a shame we don’t talk about it more often. Dying is a major event, but one that is often left to the relatives to decide on after the person has passed on. None of us know when or how we will die but in the case of being terminally ill, why not plan to have a death that is as comfortable and special as you can make it?
‘For her it was a time of heightened awareness and openness and a deep surrendering to what was happening, with deep clarity and a depth of true connection.’ When I hear we have to fight an illness and fight till the end and I read your experience with your friend I feel the process of dying can be such a blessing and a time of deepening the connection we have with our essence not only for the person who is dying but for all the people that are involved, thank you for writing this blog Rosie.
Dignity in dying is a key element and makes all the difference – thank you Rosie for opening the conversation about death and dying, which tends to be such a taboo subject or one people are often uncomfortable to broach. Uncomfortable or not, we need to be able to offer dignity and also ask for it too in our own turn.
Rosie when I read this following words I was absolutely inspired: “For her, there was no fear of death or dying and no giving up either – it was just an acceptance and surrender to the process and the cycle of life and death.” This is exactly how I like to die as well! I could feel how important it is that you wrote this beautiful blog as it is really necessary to get an opportunity to feel that there is an other way of dying.
I discovered very recently just how supportive it is to not be afraid of dying. Instead of being around death half terrified, shut off from what is really going on, we can be open to the magic that is going on. The transformation that is happening around us as the vessel breaks down, and the soul is freed up to move on… in all its glory. When I witnessed that, then my sorrow and fear was lifted and I was simply left with a feeling of deep celebration for the life lived, and the lives to come.
Because death and dying is perceived as a taboo ‘don’t go there’ topic we miss out on the opportunity to bring a quality to others who are going through that process. Is it really worth holding onto an avoidance of the subject? and why is it taboo? who says we have to fear, avoid or reject death? With it being such a natural occurrence in that the body cannot live forever it will eventually cease to function. Why is this natural process avoided when other processes such as blinking are not? Which then brings up the question – what other natural processes have been perceived in an ill way that we then complicate or mis-use? Thank you Rosie for sharing that death and dying need not be avoided but can actually be approached in a light and supportive way.
To plan for ones own death can be really positive, and knowing the quality we live in this life is what we come with in the next inspires me to take more responsibility right now.
This is a much needed discussion Rosie and such a beautiful option for your friend to have chosen. The choice is up to each of us depending on the situation at the time but from your experience it was a blessing to be part of. Death and Dying has come twice within my relationships and with one of them in denial till the end – much was left unsaid. My expanding understanding of the cycle of our lives, letting go and passing-over is changing much about how I am in this moment. Thank you for these insightful and healing words Rosie – hopefully for those that read this blog the choices they go on to make will continue to bring openness to the subject of dying.
What you have said here Christine has opened up a new way of seeing death for me – I have previously realised that being more open to discussing death with the dying person can be a great release for them and allows us to see the whole process of life rather than focusing on only the immanent death. However, I can now see that discussing death and accessing our feelings around death is also very healing to the living and allows us to embrace more wholeheartedly the process of life and death as a cycle – a cycle that feels to be undoubtedly linked to the greater cycle of the Universe. In this way we not only embrace life more fully but also the inevitable death and re-birth.
Definitely, this is and was the blessing for me in this whole experience. It has made me appreciate life more but also taken away the fear of death because I was so inspired by the whole process.
Thank you Christine, we are always learning, and there really is no right or wrong way, just the way we are choosing at any given time.
I love what you say about surrender, Anne. There is such a feeling of depth and true feeling about surrender – we can feel ourselves embraced by God when we surrender. When we give up we are dishonouring God as it feels like a rejection of all that we have been given by God to live a life that is fulfilled and serving of humanity and the Universe.
Reading you comment Sue I feel blessed to receive a healing, we are so loved all the time and when we surrender we allow the love that is all around us in.
‘For her, there was no fear of death or dying and no giving up either – it was just an acceptance and surrender to the process and the cycle of life and death.’ I love these words, they jumped out on re-reading this article. Surrender is so different to giving up, though I think many people get the two confused. Surrender speaks to me of allowing and acceptance, a whole-hearted embrace with no trepidation and full trust.
Very true Anne, there was no trepidation and full trust. It was so very inspiring and has touched me in ways that are hard to explain.
“For her, there was no fear of death or dying and no giving up either – it was just an acceptance and surrender to the process and the cycle of life and death”.
These words are so inspiring, especially for me, the no giving up just the surrendering to, and acceptance of, the cycle
Thank you Rosie for sharing your experience and your words of wisdom.
For us as a humanity to begin to look at death as a beautiful time, just as is birth, would certainly change a lot of the disrespect and uncaring and dismissive behaviour, let alone the fear that surrounds it.
Yes Elaine, I wholeheartedly agree – it is part of our evolution to appreciate the beauty that death offers us – and to be part of a society that truly honoured and respected the profoundness as we pass over from this life, taking forward with us a way of being that is fully acknowledged and embraced. To be truly present at our time of passing would be to acknowledge the grandness and greatness of where we are going both in our next lifetime and in future lives.
Hear Hear Elaine, we desperately need to not see death as the doom and gloom that everyone so fears. Death is natural and will happen to us all. I feel if we were reminded of this fact we may take more responsibility for the way we are all living especially if we know we were coming back.
Reading your comment Samantha it has struck me ‘why do we fear death’ and where has this belief come from? We all know that we are going to die – it happens all around us in our lives and yet we continue to put it off as though it’s something that we can control. We have built this illusion around death and it is certainly time to begin celebrating the life we have lived and what imprint we can take with us in our next lifetime that will truly offer evolution both on a personal level but more importantly to everyone. It is time to embrace the truth and to stop wasting our lives in fear and apprehension of what might happen and to connect to our own inner wisdom where everything is known, which would support us to live in the present, and in the future – there is no contest really.
Elaine Arthey I agree with what you have shared here. There is so much emotion and grief surrounding death rather than a celebration of a life lived just as we celebrate the start of a life for another.
Our conception of life and death makes a tremendous difference in how we relate with them. If there is only one life, it is reasonable to provide the so-called standard services to the soon to be dead. But, if the journey continues and how you pass over has any relevance, the standard services fall very short of what would honour those dying. As this blog illustrates clearly, there is another way. Humanity has to take note. We all stand to gain if it does.
Very well said Susan. To avoid death, to fear it and make it taboo is in truth avoiding life itself. It’s avoiding the truth about life, that life is part of an ongoing cycle with death and rebirth and that our death prepares us for the next cycle and so on. When we connect to the grace of this, how can we fear death and dying?
The gorgeous experience you share here Rosie has certainly laid an imprint for me for the level of care and love that is absolutely needed when someone is passing over. You are right, it’ not regarded as ‘normal’ and that’s a huge tragedy. But it is the most natural and loving way to spend the last chapter of our lives. The fact that it isn;t deemed as normal raises the question — why? Why would we accept anything less than this level of love and care? Do we feel somewhere deep down that we might not be worthy of it, that in those last months and days of our lives that we’re a burden to our families and friends? It’s something to reflect on, because if we feel no worthy of this depth of love and care, it will not be our personal experience.
Yes Ariana, it does change my perspective as I don’t want the same experiences next time round as a child, and I can see clearly how it all is because of what I chose before. It’s simple, and it is up to me to change the cycle.
Autumn is such a beautiful season. Trees stand in all their glory, in all their colours and hues, red, gold, yellow, pink… it is the beginning of the end of a cycle for them, and they do not hide their beauty nor do they fear becoming bare in winter and dying off, they continue to stand tall in the knowing that they will spring (excuse the pun) back to life after the winter, and hence the cycle starts again. The cycle of life and death is the same, therefore there is no need to fear something that is not the end, but a new beginning and part of the great ongoing cycle of life as should be celebrated as it is an opportunity to evolve from one level of consciousness to another which is what life is all about, to come back to the love that we are.
Beautiful Sandra, I love how you shared this. I love fall and all the colours and I love spring and all the fresh flowers blossoming. Both beautiful in their own way.
Beautifully expressed Sandra. Autumn is my favorite season.
As a child i would freak myself out because i could feel this living awake, vital feeling within my body, and wondered where does this feeling go when I die?… Surely it had to go somewhere?… It just can’t disappear, get buried, get cremated? I have come to realise that, that feeling I felt as a child was love, it was that I just didn’t have a name for it then. Through developing and deepening the relationship with myself, inspired through the courses and workshops of Universal Medicine, I realised and recognised that this love doesn’t die at all, I had just reconnected back to what I felt as a child… that it is a living vital quality, a spark, just like the sparkle of light you see in another’s eye, is in fact the true essence of me. This feeling is a portion of god, a part of the whole of the universe, that for this life, is in this particular body… that the only thing that dies is the flesh, but this living vital feeling, this essence of love is what lives on. So the saying… ‘live life to the fullest’ is actually saying… live life full of yourself, full of expressing your love, life after life… and this where the cycle of life and death makes sense to me..It gives purpose as to why one would want to choose love, be WITH love as best as you can.
This story is incredibly inspirational Rosie. I am feeling the truth and beauty of a world where caring for those that are dying is as natural and beautiful as it is when we welcome a newborn baby into the world. At the moment I can see that most people are uncomfortable with death and I imagine this must make death feel like a very lonely and isolating time for many people that are currently facing it. I love knowing that there is another way and I can feel the joy in supporting those that are approaching the end of this life.
We only fear death because we have lost the connection to who we truly are. Through the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom as presented by Serge Benhayon I have learned that re-incarnation is true, it is just part of the cycle of life, and that is what it is, one big circle of life and death going round and round, so we keep coming back to do it all again. There is in fact no death, just another phase into a different sphere of life. Letting go of the physical body, friends and loved ones can be difficult, and it is the fear of the unknown, but the more we connect to our essence the more the fear of passing over subsides. Thank you Rosie for opening up the topic of Death and Dying – The Cycle of Life and Death, blogs like yours will help others in having the courage to begin to talk openly about something that comes to all of us.
I agree Richard, the more we speak openly about death and dying the less of a drama it will be. The drama comes from us avoiding even talking about it until it is before us to deal with.
I feel that applies to so many areas of our life, the more we avoid it and not talk about it the harder it seems to be to accept and deal with. Yet when we discuss it openly right from the start, there is no issue.
As cliche as it may sound, being around for the death of another showed me just how important it is to live. To really live, and not hold back from living our life to the fullest that we possibly can. Say what needs to be said, do what needs to be done with as much love as we can. We always have the opportunity to do this in our lives at any time, to build the relationships that will see us through to the end of our days on this earth, and to show those who are here that there is a way to be in life which expands everything that we are, even in the ending of our life.
I just saw a movie last night that was all about a women’s experience with breast cancer. It goes through providing the story from the husband’s perspective, how it impacts the kids, the best friend, the women herself. What I found so interesting and in complete contrast to what you have described here with your friend Rosie, was the drama, the lack of surrender, the fight, the giving up and giving over to the disease. Like it was ‘being done to her’. Yes, it was a Hollywood film, so the intent of it was to sensationalise, to dramatise. But it got me thinking how they needed to accentuate that………that dance is horrific, a drama and not something one can learn deeply from and about themselves. That due to our choices in life, they can and does contribute to our own health and wellbeing. Perhaps one day there will be a movie that does show that, but just not yet.
The thing is Raegan, is it is not just death that so many of us dramatise and get all emotional about, we do that with life too and we see it on movies and we think it is normal. For me, it was only because I witnessed another way that I started to question what I thought was ‘normal’.
Love your honesty Richard, I even avoided writing about it. And from reading your comment I can see how I can avoid going to the next phase of life a lot. I get comfortable with how it is and often just want to cruise and not go to the next level, year, stage or decade…. or just the next moment.
Yes Rosie, I was feeling the same – avoiding the next moment is just where I am at at the moment – as though if I hang on and delay life a little more and wait for death as my next moment then I can continue holding back and keeping a distance between me and the next big ouch!
I avoided the thought of dying too Rosie, or at least I tried to. Spending too many years absolutely terrified that death meant falling asleep for eternity and never waking up. Now I know different thanks to Universal Medicine presentations on re-incarnation and the cycles of life. It is not so much what I have been told but a deep knowing that the ‘death’ of the body is nothing more than a moving on to another realm and an opportunity for evolution back to our Soul. So although I am not ready to pop off yet, death does not hold the same terror for me and I know that no one gets left ‘behind’ because one day we will ALL return to who we truly are.
This is a much needed conversation and I pretty much have faired the thought of dying.. Seeing a few relatives die when I was younger and no one having any idea how to deal with it other than not to really talk about it and have another drink. Once coming to the understanding to something that makes so much sense and also allowing myself to feel the process I knew it to be true. Serge Benhayon presents this so very clearly Reincarnation and that we are in fact always returning and that this one life is only a small cycle to the large cycle that we are apart of. It feels amazing to claim that from this moment forth embracing our cycles and the responsibility all of our choices is the only way forward.
Yes there is much to be learnt from what is shared in these comments and from each others experiences.
How inspirational…” Up until her last breath she was supported and had full awareness of what was going on around her” To support someone passing over in this way is absolutely beautiful. It makes me see and consider how very possible it is to be aware and alert at the point of passing over. A quality of livingness that continues on living
Beautifully expressed Martin and I completely agree – “By avoiding thinking about death is it possible that we are actually running away from life, as death is very much a part of life, and not giving it a moment of appreciation robs ourselves of the opportunity to truly see and feel all the beauty that is on offer”.
It was beautiful to be in the presence of this woman, who was very ill, but who was not fighting it, who was not holding onto life or in denial of what was happening to her body. What you share here is really quite amazing and beautiful. Showing another way to pass over through your story, that is far more honouring and respectful of our part that we play in our lives and how surrendering to the understanding of why we are where we are, brings such a gorgeous healing for all.
What you have shared Rosie is an example how we as a community can support each other through all the stages of life. It is very acceptable for us to care for small children and teens, preparing and supporting them for and in life. But when it comes to dying the majority of us cannot handle the reflection of what we then get to see. We make it very heavy and sad and are not open to everything this stage of life is showing us. If we consider that, this is another stage where we can support and prepare the person who is finishing this cycle for the new cycle they will go into.
Your comment makes such sense Diana and as you say we are very open and willing as a society to support small children and teens but withdraw our support from the dying and bereaved to avoid feeling the sadness that we might connect to within and the reality of death. Until humanity embraces re-incarnation they will not be privileged to know that death is just as beautiful as life. My experience is that it is a profound moment in anyone’s life as they prepare themselves for death and their next life of service, and my experience has been that to come to the realisation that the soul has left the body is a very deep and unique moment as it confirms our sacred path back to God.
Yes Diana, we take care of the young and abandon the old. Well, not all cultures, but a lot do and I feel that I don’t even want to think about this, let alone speak about it because then I may have to change or take more responsibility. So I have to admit it is an area where I have in the past chosen to turn a blind eye.
So true Rosie, there is definitely a growing prevalence in our society of taking care of our young but abandoning the old. Feeling alone and unsupported would make the prospect of death all the more terrifying. I love that your blog has shown there is another way, that we can bring that same care and support that one is met with at the beginning of their life to the end of their life as well.
I have started volunteering in a hospice and already can feel what a special and powerful time it is for those close to the end of this life. Of course it depends on factors such as pain management and practical circumstances such as family arrangements etc, but by and large I have observed that life really comes down to matter truly matters – relationship, connecting, simple loving gestures and surprisingly often humour.
Gorgeous Janet, in the end we are all touched and supported by the same – “… – relationship, connecting, simple loving gestures and surprisingly often humour.”.
It seems crazy how little experience most of us have, or perhaps perceive ourself not to have, with the latter stages of our life, and how as important it is to be present for, as much as any of those preceding it. Thank you for sharing of your experience Rosie, it absolutely is inspiring to feel the level of care and awareness that can be bought for and with each of us who will reach this point in our life, consciously or not.
Today I was thinking of this blog as I spent many hours in an Intensive Care Unit and then a ward. Carers are amazing people full of grace and so totally appreciated in the loving care they offer. Thank you for sharing your graciousness in this blog, I could feel the loving support.
Death is a natural process and yet we are generally not accepting of this, often feeling shocked or cheated when it happens to someone close to us or we hear about someone who is young. Accepting dying and death as part of our natural cycle and being open to having conversations about it supports everyone and helps dispel the myth that it has to be hushed up.
As I was just re reading some of the comments here, I get this sense that many of us have actually experienced being with someone who has passed over in a beautiful way, and it does not all have to be the scary horror stories that so many fear. As we all start sharing our stories, we will change the way death is perceived by many and therefore how life is lived also.
Keeping life simple and moving through its stages of natural progression are easily lived if we connect to the rhythms and cycles of nature and then live those impulses and rhythms in our own lives. Then this deep connection with everyone and everything, lovingly supports us through the cycles so they are seen as no more or less, so then we are left with the beauty of death as it is just a part of the whole natural cycle we have been living and we are not attached to anything during that time. We can feel our purpose and so we follow the impulses that support, nourish and move us through each stage and everyone is a part of that process. No need to fear something that is a natural part of our cycle of life, just like a flower in its glorious full bloom. It shares with us its beauty and we are appreciative of that, then its time comes to complete its cycle. Are we not all like the flower?
I have heard the common fear of thinking much about death as being like ‘staring at the sun’, meaning that we can only do it for a short while and then we look away because it is too hard/hurts to continue. What you are presenting Rosie, offers a completely different sort of relationship we could all be having with death and hopefully the more the conversation is raised, the more resistance around the subject will melt. Thank you.
Its good you have written a blog on this topic Rosie as death and dying is rarely spoken about and feared by many. Speaking openly and preparing for passing over has the potential for an enormous amount of healing not only for the person dying but also for everybody close to them.
Yes Joe, preparing and speaking openly not only supports the one passing over, but also those who are left behind.
‘For her, there was no fear of death or dying and no giving up either – it was just an acceptance and surrender to the process and the cycle of life and death’. Fear for death of dying starts already when we become ill or get a dissease. Illness and disease are asking us to let go of control, to accept and surrender to the body and to come to the knowing our body has a wisdom in it far greater than we allow ourselves to feel.
Rosie, your simple acceptance of death as a natural part of the cycle of life will help to lift the veil of secrecy from this taboo subject.
Being with someone who is dying can present ‘an opportunity to connect at a deeper level’, not only with the other people close to the person, but also with ourselves as we face the possibility that we too will die. As children we know the reality of the cycle of death and rebirth as it is reflected to us daily by the natural cycles of nature but this natural acceptance of death can become overshadowed by fear.
If we can accept the inevitability of death, and talk about it more openly this will banish the fear of death and our interactions will become more real, with a renewed sense of purpose. We will no longer need to wait for a dying person or a funeral for us to be able to express our love and appreciation.
Oh I love this paragraph Sandra!
If we can accept the inevitability of death, and talk about it more openly this will banish the fear of death and our interactions will become more real, with a renewed sense of purpose. We will no longer need to wait for a dying person or a funeral for us to be able to express our love and appreciation.
So beautiful, and on that note, I so appreciate what we are all expressing and sharing right here.
What made this absolutely evolutionary way you have experienced caring for a friend in her passing possible is the support of brotherhood.
Rosie I smiled when I read that you and your friends discussed about coffins and death as these are very important topics to be shared and talked about in every day life! Being open to all topics in life is opening up ourselves to all of life, and all of our humanity.
Talking about the coffin, picking it up, showing it to the kids and painting it was actually a lot of fun. We were all very interested to check it out… some of us even wanted to get in it and see how it felt. This particular cardboard coffin was really nice, had lovely lining and pillow even. Painting it was a lot of fun. Definitely the most interesting canvas I have ever painted on.
Just remembering this now is so lovely. I have such great memories of this time. It brings a smile to my face every time I think about it.
When death and dying is no longer seen as a taboo, this openness allows us to return to Truth, that death and dying is a natural part of life. A person approaching death who can remain in her dignity and be supported to do so, changes the consciousness on the subject of death, and the momentum of how the dying approach death. The state in how we pass over is the state we will begin our next life with, and I would choose to be in surrender, joy, dignity and awareness.
Thank-you Rosie for sharing your story of your friend, it brings so much beauty to a very taboo subject. And it makes sense that we talk about all of these subjects and work through what we may be holding around them stopping us from experiencing them in a more natural and beautiful way.
Thank you Rosie, let’s get that conversation going – it is one of my favourites! I used to volunteer in palliative care and I loved it. The people I was working with took every ounce of fear of passing over away from me because I saw there was this one common theme, I wish I had loved more, I wish I had told them, I wish I wasn’t leaving… yet the moment they settle into their bodies and then felt the fact that their bodies were the shell they occupied they had none of those worries, not one. They connected to how everything was as it was and they could see how much they had learnt about the importance of not holding back for a second. How life had been a bit of a con and they had fallen for it! This was from them – all I was doing was massaging! I learnt from them that we are more than our bodies, and when I met Serge Benhayon and furthered my study with Universal Medicine I understood what I had experienced working with so many people when they were in the process of moving on from this life. We are so much more than we are taught and as such we fear ‘the end’. There is no end, I know that because I experienced so many people connect to that in front of my eyes. They taught me at the most fragile and vulnerable time in their lives and when they were least expecting it. They gave me the gift to be able to know it in my life and then share it here and therefore, in turn, anyone who reads about their experience might consider it a support in their lives.
So many elderly fear the decline to death almost as much if not more than death itself – the fear of losing all dignity and control of yourself at the most vulnerable time. Your sharing of how the care and support given to your friend as she passed over is beautiful to read, as I can only imagine who this allowed her to let go at the end with no fear, as she had been cared for in such a loving and unobtrusive way.
The beauty of what you experienced is undeniable and very rare when it comes to death. It is gorgeous that you had this opportunity and are able to share this with others, starting a much needed conversation about something people don’t really talk about let alone honour. What a blessing for your friend to have this level of love and support throughout this process and for you to witness how beautiful death can be. Wherever possible this is how we should be with the dying.
Marshall Chang in a recent presentation talked about the Roseto effect – a small community in Pennsylvania that had no crime, few heart attacks and none of the then-common peptic ulcers. One important connection was between these unusual statistics and that they took care of their elders and dying ones.
I listened to that presentation Christoph and wondered why is it that when a community does so well, why then is it not front page news and something that we all learn about in schools. The Roseto effect is very inspiring.
Death or passing over the way you have described here Rosie should be the way everyone gets to experience it. As we know its not the end but the start of yet another cycle and should not be a feared or taboo subject but rather exciting and the next step in our unfolding evolution.
It’s such an unspoken subject, it’s wonderful to have more discussion and talk to free-up the strong-holds of what’s been conditioned into us by culture.
It seems to me there is often a general reluctance to talk about death and dying amongst family and friends even when the terminally ill or elderly are looking for an opportunity to open up the conversation.. coming from the culture in which death is seen as a defeat or giving up or something doomed to hold out against at all costs. This denies the enormous potential for healing that is on offer and for developing a greater awareness and learning together through this journey.
I remember so well that death was always a “taboo subject” in the society I grew up in and as a child I remember the hushed tones and the attempt to keep any mention of death from the children. No wonder so many of us grew up not only fearing death, but not really knowing anything about the process the dying person goes through and as you have shared Rosie, it can be a beautiful time. As the birth cycle is an accepted part of life, so can the death cycle be, and this will come about with honest and open discussions breaking down the taboo and the fears, and leading to the acceptance of it as a natural part of life.
Thank you for starting this conversation here Rosie – a much needed open forum to feel the illusions of death and the fear that we, as a society, have spun around it. There is so much trauma around the subject and I can understand this because we are not educated in the way that Serge Benhayon presents the cyclical nature of birth and death. The big illusion that has been busted for me is that death is not the end – it is actually a beginning another cycle and that we never loose ourselves. Our essence is always us, just our physical forms get tired and must change. With more education about the truth of life we no longer need to fear the inevitable rhythms we are part of.
The physical form is glorified and people are afraid to let go and surrender, they fight dying and this makes the process painful and surrounded by fear.Something we don’t want to come close to. As you say Rachael Evans it is actually a beginning of another cycle, never do we loose our essence, deep in ourselves we all know this cycle and yet we are not living this yet. What you are presenting Rosie is a beautiful example of how it can be when there is a surrender and no fear involved.
That is so true – we do need to free ourselves as a society from the illusion and spin that has kept us going around in circles – and getting nowhere. Sometimes it can feel that we gain a certain comfort from the illusion which allows us to see only part of the picture that keeps us separated into little worlds of our own and from accepting responsibility for creating the illusion in the first place. The cycle of life and death makes far more sense as it allows us to feel the ‘inevitable rhythms we are part of’ and the whole ‘mystery’ no longer has a hold over us in the way we live life. We become freer to express who we are from our essence and death becomes just another part of life.
Until meeting Serge Benhayon I had an absolute terror of dying. I would literally start to feel quite unwell and the dread and worry would engulf me to such an extent I couldn’t operate until it shifted or I got drunk. Dying has now been given back to me as a wonderful exit into the next part of a beings path and it is much more divine than I had realised or given credit to.
I find it quite fascinating Lee, that we can have a terror as you mentioned but when we stop and see things from a different perspective the fear does not exist at all and we start to see that parts of our life are governed in a way by these ideals, beliefs and pictures that we hold onto in our head that are in fact not real. It makes me wonder how many other areas of my life do I hold onto things in a certain way but that is in fact not the way it is?
Very true Rosie. Our whole lives are based on these pictures if we don’t have a truth to live by. I know for myself, trying to control a situation is always about staying safe and making sure something turns out as I need it. Is it possible to trust in the unfolding of a bigger picture that is beyond our control? I feel it is.
What I have found Jinya, is that the more I try to control, the more out of control things can actaully get. In reality we cannot control others or events, the only part we can do is our part and to not resist or fight because we are caught in one of those pictures or ideals of how the outcome should be to suit us and our needs.
Yes, there is quite a lot of awkwardness around death and dying and people don’t really know what to say which is a little sad as it is just like any other cycle of life and needs to be lovingly supportive for the persons within that cycle. It is only our attachment to that person and what they give us that complicates things.
It is also the dying persons fear and angst of death that can complicate this process and block the love and support that is available. Hence the value of blogs like this one and the thread of comments that help us to all consider the truth of death and dying and expose the misconceptions around it.
When I first became aware of death, I used to cry out for my mother at night. The world changed from being a safe fun place to being dangerous where you could be taken away by a mysterious thing. If we have the understanding as adults of death being an interim period between incarnations, and less of the drama, we might be able to educate children to live in greater wisdom about the period when we are alive. It’s odd that we call it being ‘alive’, because the thing that keeps our bodies alive is our soul, which never dies.
Thank you Jinya for your comment and in particular ‘ It’s odd that we call it being ‘alive’, because the thing that keeps our bodies alive is our soul, which never dies’ – this brought a smile to my face when I too could see the absurdity. When we keep a lightness around the subject of death it looses it’s hold and we gain a perspective that is far more healthy.
Interesting that you were lead to believe that death was something to be afraid of as a child Jinya, as it is evident that you have an incredibly beautiful knowing and understanding of death and the dying process, that when shared, enlightens.
Rosie this is a very much needed conversation for us to have. By making it a natural thing to talk about in general conversation with family friend or strangers or the person who is dying. I have been in the presence of a couple of family members who were in their last hours. It can be a truly beautiful supportive place to be. What a wonderful group of supporters you have been and I would say great comfort for her in her last hours. A truly lovely sharing.
Rosie thanks for sharing this, it is such an important subject and one most find at the very least awkward, if not distinctly uncomfortable or outright taboo. l’ve recently been touched through hearing accounts of two deaths where the process was a very healing one for most involved. There seems to be an increasing openness to this being a powerfully healing time if it’s allowed, as it seems to naturally occur when it is allowed.
What is clear from reading your comment here Jenny, is the confirmation that we are on a healing path, whether we accept or allow it or not. Just that fact that we are born and we die is part of the healing process. We can slow it down or speed it up, but we are undoubtedly on that path, a powerfully healing one, no less.
What you share about the beauty that can be present when somebody dies, is truly revolutionary. This is the exception rather than the rule though, but I look forward to the time when many more are able to pass over in this amazingly supported way.
The acceptance of reincarnation frees death from its self created drama and carries it into an evolutionary, brotherly cycle that does not require the loading of emotion but simply a connection to the inner most.
So true Lucinda. The acceptance of re-incarnation frees us of all the complicated and expensive baggage that death often leaves us with. We might be able to have sensible discussions about death if we were freed from the enthral of all the emotions surrounding it. It might then be possible to see life in perspective rather than a clock running down to our so-called end.
Very true Lucinda. This is such a vital start for us as a humanity to embrace the very loving and supportive cycle of life and death we are in and to understand our part and responsibility. Unfortunately many religions and schools of thought have offered mankind silly , unloving and scary ideas about it all. It is gorgeous that through these conversations we are all finding our way back to knowing that as you say it is all simply an “evolutionary, brotherly cycle that does not require the loading of emotion but simply a connection to the inner most”.
“I can only imagine how beautiful it must have felt for her to be supported by friends in this phase of life. For her it was a time of heightened awareness and openness and a deep surrendering to what was happening, with deep clarity and a depth of true connection.” What divine confirmation Rosie to surrender to the beholding light that surrounds you. To be present with your body at this time is such a rare thing when most are paralysed by fear, anger or so heavily medicated they are already gone.
Lucinda you’ve expressed this beautifully; what it must feel to accept love and support when one is dying. In my experience this is so rare and if it is not rare it is not common knowledge or common expectation. I know of most people dying alone and afraid which is the aspect that I suspect people fear the most – not being with themselves and feeling the love they are held in always.
It is amazing how I find as I allow myself to open up to feeling my relationship with death and dying, and as I open myself up to considering all that is offered in conversations such as this blog and the comments here, I am also gaining a deeper understanding and appreciation about life.
Yes, that is true… when we talk about dying we can also talk about living and make the most of every moment in this life
This is so gorgeous Rosie, ‘For her, there was no fear of death or dying and no giving up either – it was just an acceptance and surrender to the process and the cycle of life and death.’ It is beautiful to see death as part of a natural cycle, it is almost as if in society we live in denial or fear of death and so try not to discuss it which then perpetuates this fear. Everyone dies and to die in the way that your friend did with no fear, just acceptance and surrender is very beautiful.
To have dignity during death is not something I think many can really relate to, until the day comes where dignity has been taken away through the struggle that death and dying is for so many people.
On reading this blog for a second time it occurs to me how truly inspirational it is. Death is by all accounts the most terrible time in most people’s life, whether it be dealing with their own terminal illness, or the death of a loved one. The description given in this blog offers a potential other way, one of love, dedicated support and surrender. Such that the passing is a time of celebration of a life.
Absolutely Heather, what struck me most was the potential for healing for everyone involved, not just the person passing away. It’s something l’ve seen and been deeply touched by myself in supporting others who are themselves supporting a dying relation. It is one of those situations in life that invites a depth of honesty and potential healing that can be profound and life-changing for everyone involved.
Yes Jenny, dying does present great ‘potential for healing’. When my mum was dying I felt that I was going through a dying process with her as we faced our life together and were able to speak honestly about it and express our love and appreciation for each other. It was an amazing opportunity to become more aware of the similar patterns that we were living and see that they were not who we were and that we had been giving our power to them.
That is really special Sandra, that you could talk to your mum and be open about patterns that you had both taken on, that when looked at, you can see is not really you and you had given your power over to them. I can relate because I recently attended a Sacred Esoteric Healing level 2 course where you are able to look at your childhood hurts. Two of my family members attended and it was fascinating to see where patterns were playing out and how we were just doing what our parents did without stopping and questioning if that felt right for us.
I have spent 5 years supporting and observing a relative , firstly in their own home then into a nursing home. The decision to put them there didn’t come lightly, and the sadness was felt. This person had first stages of dementia and from what I could see a lot of unresolved hurts were surfacing, even aggression. Once the niceness filter diminished, these suppressed behaviours were free to come out, I could see the anger and frustration were the result of not dealing with this throughout their life and were bottled up. So in suppressing our expression, hiding our hurts there is the possibility of once the control has gone they can still surface in the end.
I remember having a conversation with a friend on death and what happened after. He felt we only lived one life but to me that didn’t make sense, what would be the point of only one life. I always knew we all had a purpose and that we came back. Although I do admit to being a little scared of death when I was younger, but over the last 7 or so years, it’s of no concern to me, as I can see it as the beginning of another necessary phase in my evolution, and one that can be very beautiful indeed.
Having been around a close friend as they were dying, had me realise that once the person passes over you are left with the empty vessel, I could feel so clearly the essence of the person was no longer there, it was like they had shed the mortal body and it didn’t feel like the end but just the beginning of another phase.
Yes Merrilee, I had the experience of watching a dog pass away many years ago, but was shocked when I saw the body a few hours later to feel how empty it was, and then a similar experience when I viewed the body of a close relative who’d died. It was so clear there was nothing of the essence of either there, and the body was just a thing. What l’ve come to understand of the Ancient Wisdom is that the body is just a vehicle for the Spirit and Soul to express through, and this makes sense to me now.
Thanks Jenny and Merrillee relating it back to dogs that have died, I totally get it. They definitely leave their body and it is like no one is home anymore for sure.
I can understand what both you Jenny, and Merrilee are alluding to, as this too has been my experience of death – that the body is devoid of any substance that was the innate essence of the person when they were living. I can remember seeing my fathers’ dead body and feeling that his body was already like a marble tomb. I also recall visiting a friend in hospital a few hours before her death and actually talking to her in my head and saying to her that I could feel that she had already left her body. We are so aware of all that is happening around us both in life and in death and it is beautiful to confirm these moments.
I have been to a few funerals, most when I was younger and could never understand why people were sad. I tried to make myself sad but couldn’t cry. There are certainly a lot of ideals and beliefs around death and how we view it.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful way death and dying can be approached and been with. I have also been inspired by Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon in many situations of life including death and dying. It made me see how some views I had of certain area’s in life were not true at all. Applying love and care to situations like this dying process of your friend transformed many things that I did not like to a beautiful experience.
The terms ‘fight’ and ‘cheat’ death are something we are all familiar, to do so requires that we get hard in our bodies and put up a resistance, when we possibly feel the most delicate, open, raw and vulnerable we ever have in life…What is it that we fight and cheat, choosing to consider surrendering to what the body has to share, turns the current interpretation ‘death; on its head. In every life, even in our last gasp…we have something to learn about what life is all about, going into a ‘fight’ at this stage greatly reduces what there is to be felt and learnt. To have support around you at this time to fully enable an individual to surrender is so precious.
The point that you raise here about us cheating death is a great one because we tend to live in a way that imagines we are never going to die. People often say that if we bring up the topic of death and dying that we are being “negative”. It is not negative to discuss and come to a loving understand of what is going to happen to us all.
That is true Elizabeth, there is nothing negative about being responsible and choosing how you would like to die and what is important to you. It is going to happen for sure, no doubt about it, so having it as part of your plan rather than leaving it to someone else makes sense to me.
This is another gorgeous sharing from you Rosie. The dignity and love in which your friend passed over was so beautiful to feel. Our norm is to feel devoted or deep sadness but all i could feel reading this was the joy. This is the true light of the life and death cycle.
Yes so true Joanne, I recently had someone, who’s father had passed away, share with me that she thought she should be feeling sad, but that she just didn’t. Even she couldn’t fathom how this was possible… and it wasn’t so much that she was in the joy of it, but that she hadn’t really liked him, nor the way he had been with her throughout his life. She didn’t miss him, and didn’t want him to be back. It was liberating for her just to express it, as there were few she felt she could say something like this to. We definitely need to start breaking down some of these constraints around death and dying so there is greater freedom to express and share just what is there for us, and not what’s expected.
Thanks for sharing Jenny, I can just imagine how this person would have felt being able to express honestly, and not be judged and also to feel it is okay to “not” be sad. Its great when we shatter old beliefs that we have been stuck in.
The process of death and dying we have now seems so far removed from the experience that could be possible, imagine having the true support of this and the ease it would then have on families.
The loving, caring support for someone dying that you describe, Rosie, is truly beautiful and takes away any fear that one may have of death. Thank you for sharing.
Thats beautiful Jonathan. All that is needed with someone who is dying is warm support and care and it can support them to let go of any fear that they have.
What a giant statement it is to say “have no fear of death”. Occasionally I will hear that from a terminally ill person, and I have often thought they have reached some point of enlightenment that is only for the few. Now that assumption is re-written, and there is a potential of a very different approach.
The idea of having loving friends with me, and being surrendered to the process of dying with appreciation of how I have lived, is nothing short of miraculous. What an extraordinary gift this is for a person. Deep thanks to Universal Medicine for introducing the potential for true understanding of the cycles of life.
Hear Hear Heather I love that having our last moments a long as they are in appreciation of us and all that we have brought to the world.
I was in absolute horror when I first witnessed what occurred around the death, and then immediately after the death, of a close family member. As you outline here, Rosie, so much denial and avoidance all militating against the possibility of the deepened connection you describe so beautifully here. I feel we most certainly need to open our conversations and our understanding of what is happening around the passing over of our loved ones, especially with the increase in cancer, which means an increasing number of people maintaining an awareness that are in that phase of the natural life cycle. It is so lovely to read of another way a way that honours the person passing on, and also those who offer support.
Acceptance and surrendering to death is not a sign of weakness or failure – they are part of the beautiful cycle of life and death. Some people fight this cycle but for me there is something about death, or being around someone who is dying, that is incredibly confirming of life.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we saw death as a cycle and not a beginning and an end, we wouldn’t carry so much fear around the possibility of death as we do at present. I know what you mean Gemma, when we are in the presence of someone who is dying everything about life seems more heightened and as you say is incredibly confirming of life.
I agree Gemma there is something about death that is confirming and when we can feel this we allow the person dying the dignity of them surrendering to the inevitable, rather than fighting death. It is a great privilege to be with someone during their last days and hours and to treat death as another part of life.
This is incredible to be adding to a thread with 471 comments at the end of an profound blog – all discussing and sharing how it is for them and what death can actually be like. This really does blow me away, as many have said the taboo around talking about death is so ingrained because of the deep fair people hold over the process. With Universal Medicine initiating the conversation and introducing the truth of what is actually going on when we die then we have an amazing opportunity to fully embrace this beautiful process. Again another big THANK YOU to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon.
I fully agree with you Natalie, thanks to the way life and death are presented by Universal Medicine I am now able to accept death as a part of life that is equally important as all the other phases in life and need to be taken care of with all the love we are. One of the most important teachings in this for me is the fact that we human beings are constantly re-incarnating and have lived already many lives here on earth, and the fact that the quality in which we pass over will be the same quality we will be born with in our new to come life in our next incarnations.
A beautiful reflection Rosie to share on death and dying and how it can truly be. This subject is little discussed as you say and not appreciated for the beauty and love it can be. It is not the end and can be seen as a very important part of life and a celebration to take with us of the love we are. This all makes sense when we embrace fully the knowing of our reincarnation and our cycle of life and this brings appreciation to everything and most importantly to God within us all.
Yes – just as it is important to make choices which support us in life, so too can we make choices which support us in death. There is no right way other than what is true for us, and supporting ourselves in this way allows for death to be a healing process, where we can deeply connect with ourselves and others and as such express what needs to be expressed, release what needs to be released, appreciate what needs to be appreciate – and in letting go of resisting death, we in fact more deeply commit to life because as the body falls away we have an opportunity to feel and more deeply commit to our inner-most essence.
My father and I talked about his death the other day. Mainly about the practical aspects like hospital and funeral costs. It made me much more aware of my body and its finiteness and that one day it too will die. I feel a strange paradox with this body that is governed by time and going towards its death whilst the ‘me’ part that is inhabiting it feels very much eternal and timeless.
I recently talked to a family member on the subject too and it is amazing how good it feels to let the cat out of the hat and talk openly. To not let it be a tension or an unspoken subject but to just express so we can both understand and not have any expectations or misunderstandings.
In fearing death, and refusing to acknowledge its reality, I can’t help but think about the quality of how we are in our ‘living’… Surely our living is the lesser if we do not embrace the cycle of life and death and open our eyes and hearts to how we would truly like to ‘spend’ this very lifetime in which we are living right now.
Imagine how our societies would be, if we accepted the fact of death, and didn’t brush it under the carpet as we do. What level of love do we truly want in our lives, our relationships, our work? Do we dare consider the end of this life, and whether we will be able to ‘look back’ with a true sense of completion that can only come if we do not hold back our greatness and care for all in all that we live – now?
I agree Victoria – there is so much fear in the health and social care sector that it most often prevents free conversations about death and dying. I have recently attended a meeting for care providers with local council in the area I live and even the specialist nurse representative present admitted that her staff responsible for supporting people who are at the end of their life and their families do not like having conversations on the subject. It is so important that this is changed so as to provide true support to such an important stage of life.
I agree, Victoria, there is so much fear around the death of the body, and the passing on of the being. We are narrowing down the enormity of who we are to the narrow focus of a single lifetime and generating an mindset of helplessness and ignorance of the facts of life and of even the possibility of reincarnation. The fear generated in this way then ensures that we give our power away to institutions in the false belief that we don’t know what to do in the face of death. I agree, Victoria, that the quality of our living is lessened if we do not embrace the fact of the death. How ironic that we consider ourselves superior to animals and yet every family pet knows when their time to leave the body had arrived, in spite of our domesticate of them. There is so much confusion, debilitating beliefs and falseness around how we approach and end the ‘deep sleep’ that occurs at the end of one physical life. It certainly feels timely to address these now.
I agree Victoria, the more we embrace the fact that we are going to die the more we start to embrace life in full. People who are faced with a life threatening illness know this. Most people live as if death is never going to happen to them, which is a sort of protective mechanism that we use. Facing up to our own death would bring a far greater sense of responsibility for how we are choosing to live now.
Elizabeth, thats a really good point you make about how most people live as if death is never going to happen to them as a sort of protective mechanism that we use. It is the one thing that you cannot avoid yet we pretend it will not exist as a way of not taking responsibility in some way.
I keep coming back to the blog and reading all the comments and it really has been exposing so many hidden pictures and beliefs that I had that I didn’t even realise I was carrying.
Your opening up of the conversation here Rosie is deeply appreciated. As you’ve said, death and the process of dying, or passing over from this life, offers such an opportunity for us to truly connect with each other at a deeper level. And in that connection, the flame of life feels all the stronger.
The deeper experiences of connection, understanding, appreciation and grace that you’ve shared here are particularly poignant at such a time – should we not avoid the potentiality. Yet they show us how guarded our hearts and our ability to truly connect with and see the truth of each other can be in our ‘everyday’.
I can’t imagine going through such an experience as you’ve described with your friend and all those who came to support the process, without having your heart opened to let in and appreciate all you come in contact with all the more. And that’s here in the words you have shared with us – your knowing that it was not only your friend who passed away that was being supported and offered the chance to grow. Everyone connected deepened immeasurably.
The standard has been set for how we can offer true support and love to each other. Thank-you as ever for your sharing and writing Rosie.
Ouch and very well said Doug! I hadn’t looked at it with your honest open view. Very revealing and it gives me even more understanding on one level and more appreciation for what Universal Medicine has shown me.
I agree Caroline there is healing to be done. Through love and understanding we can more fully embrace, honour, and support those in the end of life phase rather than putting them ‘out to pasture.’
Rosie this is an amazing blog with such a quality of presence and appreciation. The topics of death and dying is one that is so incredibly tainted with negative beliefs and so much fear… The story that you share here is so great and something that gives trust to the process of dying once again.
We all have to die. It’s not like we are going anywhere we havn’t been before, some time in the spirit form, three meters tall, looking for a family to reincarnate into, choosing what sex we want to be and what lesson is next and then arriving back unaware and in the new body of a baby, we have done it before and as long as we are love it will be another great experience.
Thank you Universal Medicine for the knowing.
Nursing homes were once considered a last resort, only something to consider when there were no other options, yet over the years, they have become the norm for the next stage of one’s life; get married, have children, retire, enter into a nursing home. A natural step of the aging process. Yet it is not normal, far from it. Normal is wanting to be surrounded by our loved ones and cared for like we matter. For us to break this current cycle of normal there is a lot of healing to be done, thank you Rosie for sharing with us that it is possible and that there is another way.
That is a good point Caroline, I had not considered how nursing homes have now become part of the life process, even though they were never intended for that. Now they seem like an easy solution, and as a way to not have to interfere with our busy lifestyles. It is a sad state that we have allowed in our societies when you come to think about it.
It is mad that nursing homes have become the normal next step in our ageing process. There is much to be said for us all in the way that we see and use nursing homes as a get out clause for our responsibility to ourselves, our loved ones, and humanity as a whole.
Yes, Caroline, there needs to be a shift in consciousness so that we no longer ‘discard’ people at the end of their lives. What Rosie is presenting here is huge, in terms of bringing love back into the way we support one another til our very last breath, without sympathy but instead embracing the opportunity to deepen our understanding and awareness of what life and death are all about.
Yes Caroline i agree that there is not only a fear of dying but also the fear of nursing homes they are always having a bad press in the UK for neglect and sometimes abuse, which only instills even more fear into the ageing population.
This also needs to change and we need as you say to be cared for like we matter.
Dignity and a loving hand to guide us through those last years would create a wonderful platform for the next cycle in our evolution without the fear and shutting down that is being experienced today.
Same here in Holland, the nursing homes are getting a lot of bad press and it feels you really don’t want to spend your last years of your life in one of these places. It shows how the last phase of our lives is not truly being honoured. It feels like we are putting elderly people ‘away’, but where is the love in this?
Very true Andrew. It is not just the fear of dying that we face at the end of our lives, it is the environment we are put in to die also. Because dying is still feared by many the nursing homes and hospices are full of fear. We could definitely do with more awareness around the true process of dying to bring about change for this.
The surrender and acceptance you felt in your friend Rosie before passing has a breathtaking beauty. Some people fight till their last breath and other’s give up – surrendering and accepting the process sounds natural and being natural it could be easily accessed if only this were spoken of more freely. There seems to be such a large gap in our culture when it comes to the dying process, maybe the avoidance is not the topic of death but an avoidance of deep love that we feel, know and miss. To admit this is to also feel the grief of living without this depth of love we know is available, especially since moving past the grief and back to love can feel awkward and uncomfortable at times. Although in the scheme of everything I find myself asking what’s a little awkwardness and discomfort?
Yes Deanne, what is a little awkardness and discomfort to then be able to surrender. It is well worth it. I have experienced this for myslef and know and have felt the grief in looking back on my life and realising I lived so much of it without any love whatso ever. Today that has changed and I would recomend the awkardness any day.
“We are given power and strength at any stage of life when we open up to what is truly happening.” I like that, Gill, as it reminds us that divinity is there in every moment in our lives if we connect to it. And the process of passing over is an amazing opportunity to deepen this connection.
This is something I have also been thinking of and agree – “There has to be a link between the way we live our life and the way we have the process of our death.” This could be another reason behind why there is so much fear around dying? Could it be that deep down we know how we live and we know there is a correlation with how we are in life and if we take responsibility and have authority over how we are treated by how we care for ourselves. Have we treated ourselves as less and allowed less from others? This could bring up questions on will we maintain our dignity and grace through dying or not.
Gill this is an absolute that we will all take this journey many times.
Rosie this is true that many don’t like to talk about dying, and many like to get caught up in the drama of it for sure. My experiences with dying is that they have offered great healing and are a blessing to the one passing and others who are connected to that person. The healing that I received when my brother passed over was enormous and forever changed my life. I look forward to the day when we celebrate dying and understand what is really going on when we leave our bodies and start preparing for our next life.
Thank you Rosie, what you say is true about death and dying is not spoken about much in our everyday conversations. As a child i used to wonder a lot about this and wonder” where do I go.. this feeling of me inside my body” and as a child it would freak me out, thinking about cremation or burial…. …”But Where does THIS feeling of ME go?” I remember asking. Death and dying is a cycle of life and having these conversations, involving children would normalise it and bring understanding to the cycle of life. What a gift all round, to be supporting your friend as she prepared for passover. Thanks for sharing your insights.
Yes it is great to talk about death openly with our children and is something that I have always done. Sometimes the children around me talk about death so openly that it shocks the adults around them and this is only because the adults have not gotten comfortable with this topic.
Death and dying is a subject of natural concern to every single human being. Yet, it is not usually part of our conversations and when it is, is clearly associated with drama, never with beauty. As this blog magnificently reveals, there can be much beauty in it if there is no fight and a deep surrender to what comes next.
Death is a point of life all of us must deal with. To hear about a way of passing that is with love and beauty is a revelation.
Thanks to Universal Medicine my whole view and relationship with death has changed completely. it has become more part of my everyday life, with the knowing that one day I won’t be here anymore and will return again, and again. This is not coming from a relief, but a deep knowing that there no such thing as one life. Because of this, i know that life is, like you share, a cycle and just like the autumn shows itself every year, we will all show ourselves again.
Death and dying seems to be something we definitely avoid discussing. I admit I used to feel really uncomfortable when someone openly talks about death. There seems to be fear wrapped around the subject for me and I feel heavy and uneasy. I can relate this back to how I was brought up, and I took on how other people felt about death and dying. Now, I have a new understanding, it isn’t something to fear but like Rosie’s blog it can be a beautiful time to accept and surrender to this very natural process.
The one time that I have been close to a dying relative, I was not as aware of death and the cycles of life. The experience was very emotional and painful and the person dying didn’t talk about her passing on. Now that I do know a lot more about it and I am stronger in myself, I am sure I will handle it very differently. Perhaps, as you say, there will be beauty in the experience.
Dying is a given for all of us so in a way it seems unnatural that we so often are choosing not to talk about it. I wonder when in history it all became such a taboo subject and not discussed in the way we discuss other times in our cycle of life such as birth, coming of age, retiring etc. If we discussed dying openly throughout our lives perhaps the resistance to discuss it with loved ones when the time came would simply drop away.
We work so hard at living and very few people prepare for their death, and even fewer prepare for their next life by clearing what they can in this life. When a death is sudden, such as in an accident, there is no understanding of the energetic reason why that death came about – there is only blame and sometimes guilt for the physical circumstances surrounding it. When a pending death is known about, such as with a terminal disease, and there is no acceptance of anything beyond, there can be a cramming in of ‘things to do before I die’, there is no rest. On a smaller scale, every day when we go to sleep, we can either prepare ourselves for a good rest and therefore be ready for the next day, or we can cram as much activity into the day as we can and end up with restless sleep and a poor start to the next day. These cycles in life are always present – we can always be prepared by constantly living in a gentle way, doing what needs to be done, or we can exhaust ourselves with constant manic activity.
Carmel, your comment reminds me of an article I read yesterday of someone cramming things in – the deadline in this case was a kidney operation, a kidney transplant. The writer, also a wife and mother of two felt that in this time she would focus on doing all the things she wanted to do that were important to her and also what her family members wanted to do that were important to them. The list of things that were done had an edge of madness to it and was quite an exhausting list, the writer’s husband even questioned it but in the end the writer resolved she wanted to always live like this and not only when facing a major operation. This sounds similar to what you describe about cramming things in and the bucket list theory and although the article I read was glorifying and celebrating this I doubted this was a truly loving way to approach an organ transplant. As you mention Carmel preparing for death and preparing for bed for quality sleep seem the same, to this I would add preparing for a major operation – all offer times to regather and reflect about how the moments have been lived and an opportunity to choose our quality for the next moment- the next day, next kidney, next life.
This is great Carmel. Living in constant cycles, preparing ourselves for the next stage. Why is this not taught at schools?
Yes this seems so simple and makes so much sense. I love how you shared how we can prepare even in our day to day lives and not just for death.
I agree, Carmel: we prepare for our passing by the way we surrender to our sleep each night. There always smaller cycles that prepare us for ostensibly larger cycles.
Changing the norm by support and helping someone to live in dignity to the last breath. An awesome example for people to inspire from. Though there is a lot of awareness about the reincarnation in Indian society where I grew up, often the fear of unknown and lack of support is felt by the dying person. Helping the dying person to be aware and feel what’s going on in their bodies could be one of the best support we can offer. Thank you Rosie for sharing this!
Rosie, what you have shared here feels like how death can be celebrated no differently to birth. And rightly so, as each are one and the same, depending on how we look at it.
Great comment Vicky, I agree. It is unheard of to celebrate death but I have recently been introduced to a new way of looking at death. It feels very natural and joyful to celebrate someone’s life, it totally shifts the energy around death. To me death has always been seem and felt as doom and gloom, laced with a lot of sadness and heavy, heavy emotions. What if we approached it from a new way? With joy, appreciation and celebration.
Yes, I am all for celebrating death, as in celebrating the life that I have been a part of, appreciating our time together and how we have supported and inspired each other.
Indeed Ariana, the norm is not normal when it comes to how we see death and dying. Accepting the fact that we are all going to die would be a great start and this would definitely bring about a new “normal”.
Right here, right now with us all talking about it, we start a new normal.
It is only when I am faced with the prospect of death and dying for myself will the reality of it hit home. It is easy to imagine or consider how it would feel, but until it stares me in the face only then will I discover the way I will initially take it, then consequently deal with my impending demise. How I will end up dying is an unknown to me right now, but there are quite a few options as one would expect. I am however, working on living now, and living as a student of the Way of the Livingness and bringing as much of that through my living body.
Reading your blog Rosie makes me feel very humbled and realising that everyone could support someone in this process of passing over. This should be trained like self-care and healthcare. What a beautiful way to think about it and feeling supported until the last breath is truly loving. With this support dying becomes a different meaning – as a natural thing to appreciate as an ongoing move in the cycle – and coming back again with a new chance to be the love that was there from the first place.
A beautiful blog to come back to Rosie; what a precious gift, for you all, to share such an experience.
Quite a difficult thing to achieve in a society where many believed we only have this one life.
My father passed over nearly 20 years ago and I was surprised at my level of acceptance but when I came to understand the cycle of reincarnation it made sense because I realise that I must have known then that we’re not limited to just this life.
It was lovely to read about the support you were able to provide for your friend during her dying process. I feel that you are correct in that many of us are still bound by what is socially accepted rather than what feels true for us.
Thank you for sharing your account on such an important, yet sensitive topic. I can feel how privileged your friend was to have such loving support around her in this process, where it seems, she was allowed to just be. Lovely.
What a deeply loving way to support another who is dying Rosie, such a contrast to the often despair and fear that surrounds death and dying. There are also so many expectations on how it should look, who should be there and what the person dying and the family should feel. How you and the group supported your friend was following what she felt was true for her without bringing in any of your own issues. A true gift to your friend and all those around her and to yourselves for observing how she accepted and surrendered “… to the process and the cycle of life and death.”
Thank you Aimee, I agree with your comment. This is an inspiring blog. It is so beautiful to read and completely different to what normally happens around the experience of death and dying. Rosie’s experience with her friend feels very loving, light, graceful and joyous. This is setting a new way of approaching death and dying, a very beautiful and healing process.
Yes it is Chan Ly, making it a normal, beautiful and loving process.
I have worked with older people in sheltered housing and often they can be left to almost fend for themselves. There can be limited contact with family and friends and when it comes near the end of their lives, often they are sent to hospital for their last few days. I am sure many in the medical profession do what they can to support them through these last few days but without having visitors around it can feel like a lonely place to finish your life. Of course you can be younger and have a life threatening illness, but from my experience there are great numbers of older people who have had this experience. They often do get ill with life threatening conditions such as cancer and they do not get a lot support or care with the illness. This can create a lot of fear and anxiety. Your description of another way to support someone with a terminal illness is wonderful. I know I would want to leave this life feeling supported and nurturing and caring for myself right up to the end. We can all support this to happen if we can firstly take responsibility for ourselves and then offer ourselves to our communities. We can reconsider the notion of what true family is, for me it can be anyone I come into contact with, people aren’t strangers, they are just family we haven’t met yet!
Samantha your last line is so beautiful – We can reconsider the notion of what true family is, for me it can be anyone I come into contact with, people aren’t strangers, they are just family we haven’t met yet! This feels so very true and the more I let people in the more love I can express and let out.
Yes Samantha, people aren’t strangers, they are just family we haven’t met yet! We have a very big family.
Death and dying is shrouded in heavy emotion, but occasionally you experience the absolute freedom that can come with dying. My most memorable experience with dying was one patient who celebrated his life in his last 3 weeks while dying of lung cancer. He talked about what a wonderful life he had, even though very few people visited him. He accepted where he was going and there was no hanging on and nothing left lingering once he passed. Very lovely to experience.
Thank-you for sharing this beautiful time Rosie. There is so much fear around death and dying and possibly that is why most people don’t know how to truly support another, when they are going through the dying process. When my mother passed over from a terminal illness there was no fear within her. The deep sadness I felt, was that I hadn’t expressed my true feelings of the appreciation and love had. What a difference when there is a beautiful acceptance of this cycle of life and death from both the person who is passing over and from those who are offering this wonderful support, choosing to connect at a deeper level, appreciating and honouring of this special time together.
It is amazing what death brings up. And it’s true, we can either fear it and resist it, or we can embrace it. There is a deeper quality of awareness available when we are faced with the death of someone we know. It brings to us all the questions about life that perhaps we haven’t stopped to consider before. Life is more than our day to day interactions and activities. There is a deeper purpose to it of which death is a part.
Thank you Rosie for sharing what it was like for you to be around your friend while she was dying. I find it truly inspiring. This is a topic that is never talked about. And yet it is something that eventually happens to us all.
I was touched as I read your awesome and very needed blog. This sentence is my favorite one: ” For her, there was no fear of death or dying and no giving up either – it was just an acceptance and surrender to the process and the cycle of life and death.” This is so inspirational!! I have never met a person who was living like this when they are about to die and I ask myself how would be the world if such a way of dying would be normal????
I am really glad you shared this Rosie. As death and dying can be full of doom and gloom it is refreshing to hear of someone who had not given in to the disease or fear and was able to maintain dignity. I am sure that having the loving support of friends around her was a big part of this. I would say in our culture we are not prepared to pass over with such grace, many people who live with regret still have that in their last moments. The acceptance and surrender to the process of life and death may account for her ability to retain her wit and dignity.
I wonder Bernard when some give in to the disease and fear and don’t then consider themselves and make loving choices as they are dying, if it could be because family and friends around them are wanting consoling or thinking about what they want or need from the person passing over. To me it seems that how one has been in their life, whether they have always done everything for others and not given themselves the same level of attention and care, also if they don’t choose differently, have the same pattern running while dying.
It is true Bernard, this story helps us feel a different possibility, beyond the grief and emotion that is the usual path. When reading this blog I even had a sense of ‘how surrendered am I to life – right now”, how attached am I to things being a certain way…rather than living in life’s grace
What a gift and a blessing for your friend to have the support of her friends at the final stage of her life. I feel that once we connect to the real meaning of life, and the fact that we go in around in cycles, we will begin to make more sense of the whole process, and let go of the fear of death, which in reality doesn’t exist, as it is only our physical body that dies not our soul, which is eternal.
Thanks for presenting this one Rosie. Death and dying is always a taboo subject and I never really know what to say when someone shares that someone they are close to is on their way or has died. It’s almost like you have to be polite to them, even though it’s not happening to them. I think it’s because most of the world has the idea that to live is only for one lifetime and so when they are gone, they are gone forever. Not only that, but you can feel the regret people have for not sharing themselves whilst alive. It also humbles people I feel too- stops them from being busy all the time and gives them a chance to actually view things. The way you have described your friend to be with her death sounds actually really beautiful and I’d like to be that way with my death when I do go.
That is beautiful expressed Emily. I would like to be in this loving holding support until my end as well. surrounded with love and understanding for true healing, total surrendering to the love within. I feel this is what everyone deserves to be held and guided with love in this process of letting go the physical part and joining the cycle in a new body and a new life again.
For us to die gracefully and to be able to fully embrace this process we need to take responsibility for our lives now, and as we get older to prepare for this event way before we are actually close to dying, this has been a new way for me to understand this process. I feel a lot of people fear death because they know that they have not lived a responsible, loving life.
Yes great point Mary-Louise, I have also felt this around some family who have passed away and it also feels like everyone reacts around them because they feel their fear. What an amazing loving support it would be to not take this on as something we need to fix for them but hold them in the love that they are and the respect that they are capable of feeling their own stuff. I wonder also just how much of it are we either sympathising with or thinking of ourselves when it comes to another dying and how it is going to be not having that person in our lives.
Our beliefs around death shape the way that we live, if we change our beliefs around death then we shall change the way that we live.
I had a very different experience with my father than what you are describing Rosie, he was terrified of dying so would not face nor talk about the fact that he was dying. He fought against and struggled with the whole process and went into a coma just before he died, he did not have a peaceful pass-over. Since coming to the Universal Medicine work and learning what I have about death and dying I know I would handle a situation like this very differently next time.
Thank you Mary-Louise for your open sharing. I made a similar experience with my father and through his death I learned that the way we are dying is our last choice. I talked to others about my experiences and the insight I made but the people react and I did not understand about what I was talking. Since I started to come to Universal Medicine and listening to Serge Benhayon I felt understood and that is a great gift for me. There is definitely an other way and it is worth it to have a look at.
I can’t help but make a comment on the photo of the yellow rose. It is glorious and it touched me deeply… it is so appropriate for this blog on death and dying. Thank you.
Thank you Rosie for sharing your story. The blog has stirred much within me as I have often avoided the thought of dying. There are indeed so many ideals and beliefs around death. I can very much relate to “I had always seen death and dying to be full of doom, gloom and drama, which is perhaps why I had previously avoided being around anybody who was close to dying.”
Passing over in this way would be such a blessing for anyone to experience. It sounds so different to many people’s experience. I have nursed dying people before and often they are scared, in pain and feel alone, even when they have relatives around them. I have always felt that reincarnation is true but knowing this had not been able change my feelings around death that I had picked up from my family and society in general. It often seemed to be a sad time and one that most of us around the dying person felt uncomfortable with. Hearing Serge Benhayon explain the process of passing over has completely changed the way I feel about death and dying, which can be quite joyful and a great opportunity for healing.
What a beautiful way to walk towards the completion of one’s life. You and your friends, Rosie, live what I feel how life is meant to be. This is the answer to every problem, specially around elderly people care.
That’s a great philosophy Felix, walking toward the completion of one’s life. Instead of burying our heads in the sand regarding death because of the fear surrounding it, why not embrace the fact that it IS going to happen, and prepare ourselves for our own death which in turn prepares us for our next life! This would mean we would have to take a greater responsibility for how we are living right NOW.
Very true Felix and Rosie, just living and supporting each other in and through every phase of life. No drama needed. This feels like true friendship and support and is so inspirational in and from both directions.
I was fortunate enough to have been a part of my aunt’s death when I was a young girl. My whole family talked about her death while she was still alive, I never felt it as a bad thing but the next step in our journey. I went in to say goodbye to her after she had passed over, I remember seeing how beautiful and happy she looked with a smile on her face. I knew from then that death wasn’t something to be afraid of. I love now being part of a group that will make this the normal, nothing to fear much to celebrate.
I love your positive words Kim
In my line of work I have come to see that one of the most beautiful things in life is to be with someone who is accepting the fact that they are dying and actually know that they are coming back, that is going to reincarnate. It brings with it a deep ability to surrender to the process of passing over, irrespective of what that process entails. The person is able to let go more easily, allow others to support more easily and there is a tremendous joy in knowing that we are given another opportunity to make more loving choices. The process of passing over is a tremendously rich time in a person’s life. This is not a well-known fact as yet.
Wow – I love this, and I am looking forward to support someone in this process. It seems many institutionalised religions keep away this way of appreciation of passing over, it is more presented as a burden and a suffering not knowing where to end and being afraid of going to hell. This seems like being the victim and the guild in this, having no choice and no say feels very draining and disempowering.
This is beautifully expressed. For many years now I have viewed dying as passing from one room into another and the passage as prepared in the way shared in this blog and your comment Elizabeth shows can be a joyful one.
This is such a beautiful and inspiring sharing of how life and death ,our natural cycle can be. Thank you Rosie we have so much to learn and evolve to. The real caring and depth of knowing of what is really going on and how we can live is being brought to our attention now for all humanity as a gift and your experience is part of this truth and love.
So much of the language used around illness and death is about fighting it and battling and if you die you have lost the battle or succumbed. This is sad because death is a natural part of our cycle so to end this feeling you have failed is awful.
It was very beautiful to read your account of your friend Rosie, accepting and surrendering to the natural process of death. I wish I could bring this wisdom to my family and friends, yet there is so much careful stepping around the subject and so much emotion and quite a bit of anger that comes with these conversations.
I need to have these conversations gently without any imposition and without any investment in the outcome. Which is sometimes hard when I know how beautiful and blessed we can all be.
To care for each other in every part of life is a blessing.
To come into this body and to leave it again are strong occasions and to learn to express our true being through this body -between this two occasions- is a journey. There is so much to discover – I guess, together this can be fun.
“To care for each other in every part of life is a blessing” – beautiful Sandra.
I was recently having a discussion about the care of our elderly, and how much strain there is on our national health to cope. However what we where saying was how when a older person gets sick or has a fall and then recovers, they are sent back to there homes to live alone, but in need of a carer and their house needs modifying to help them get upstairs etc. However this is taking up a lot of funds, and so we talked about having community care homes – not like old people homes, but where each person has their own space and independence in an elderly friendly environment (e.g. no stairs) with carers that support everyone in one place. Often when I have spoken to the elderly and they want to keep their independence, whilst understanding the need for support from others. It can be easily forgotten that these people where once young and fully capable, and have lead amazing lives through a time no longer imaginable to us today. They should have our utmost respect and support as they reach the end of their life.
And yet at the moment, while this subject is almost taboo, nothing will change, so thank you for writing your blog and bringing the subject the attention is needs.
Thank you Rebecca for your comment and the insight into how we can care for the elderly in a holistic way that is both respectful of their dignity and requirements. As you have said it is so important that we support these people in a way that honours the lives that they have lived. When you talk to them they have had the most amazing and inspiring lives which have offered me great inspiration and insight into how I can change my life. I feel it’s important to see them as very much part of our lives and to embrace them fully back into the community. If we could create spaces where they feel the respect and are treated with dignity and grace they will be still able to contribute to life in a way that is forever evolving.
And they (the aged or terminally ill) may not be able to do much physically but what they can share from their own experience can be very inspiring. In some cultures, the aged live very close to the babies and the young children learn a lot from them but unfortunately, with so many aged care homes and the seperating the aged from families so many of us are missing out on this sharing.
Yes, I agree Rosie. it is truly amazing to visit these care homes and to spend time listening to the residents and to become inspired by the wisdom of their lives. There seems to be a culture of allowing our elderly to feel that they are no longer of service in the world and have nothing to offer society. This is not true and by doing this we are ignoring an amazing resource. So many of them have lived vital and fulfilling lives that for me have been most inspiring. We need to honour our elderly and appreciate the lives they have lived, and in this way we can halt the feelings of ‘giving up on life’ that seem to be abound everywhere.
Rebecca- this is a beautiful contribution you make and for the respect of our brothers in ageing bodies it deserves a much higher place on our community and political agendas. The current systems are under strain- especially as residential aged care facilities now have shareholders and are under pressure to deliver not only profits but worthwhile profits. Community care is also stretched and the gap as said above leaves many aged people in their homes living without basic care when it is needed.
I was not aware about how aged care homes have share holders and about making profit. What a shame that it is not about the people first and foremost.
A very powerful experience Rosie and inspirational to read –’ When she passed over she was not alone and had the company and support of friends. For her, there was no fear of death or dying and no giving up either – it was just an acceptance and surrender to the process and the cycle of life and death.
I have never felt uncomfortable around death and have worked as a volunteer in a hospice where people came to dy. At first I thought I needed to help the clients with letting go or expressing how they felt in the face of death. Then I understood that all that was needed was my presence, me reflecting my love, giving room to whatever they needed. I let go of any beliefs or ideals I still held to what dying should look like.
It is such a wonderful way to see death and passing over as the letting go of this worn out body when it is time to leave this earth to return back again with a new body and a new chance.
There is a real hiding away when it comes to death and dying. When it is ever mentioned in a conversation, I often hear the words mentioned much quieter so it is not overheard. The first time I experienced death was multiple times as a newly graduated nurse. The very first moment I saw a person close to death did take my breath away as I had never seen someone looking this way before. So until we actually experience and see another looking unwell it is a bit of a shock. I realised we were so protected from this event by society and its different beliefs of what it means that this itself creates the fear around death. The fear is precipitated by all the beliefs around death and the reactions from people, but really if one can understand the truth of what is happening, it can be a very simple and healing experience.
Thanks Matthew, this brings in another deeper understanding of why this subject can be so taboo – “I realised we were so protected from this event by society and its different beliefs of what it means that this itself creates the fear around death.” It would be like someone seeing anything for the first time, it could be quite a shock. The beliefs many of us have grown up with, have been that seeing another well and healthy is good and seeing someone unwell or dying is bad…. I know this would seem like an obvious belief, however, up until now I’ve never really stopped to ponder on is this true or as Rosie has shared with her friend dying, does death have its place as a beautiful and special moment just as does birth?
To have the love and support of friends/family around us from day one of being born into this world then to know we had the same support around us when we die. This for me feels such a wonderful gift that we could offer to another. If this was accepted as the norm possibly it would take away some of the fear that surrounds death and dying and not wanting to be on their own when this does happen. A beautiful sharing with us all Rosie thank you.
Rosie, you raise an important subject that is so often not spoken about. I have been told about scenarios where the elderly or terminally ill are avoided in their last months or years because their friends / relatives have felt uncomfortable with the person dying. I have often wondered how devastating that must feel for the person involved to have their loved ones, close friends and relatives turn away when they need them most and just how different it would be if we supported others when they are dying. It was beautiful to read your experiences Rosie, thank you for sharing.
I love the way that Rosie writes. It makes her topic feel open and accessible. I feel refreshed after reading this blog even though the topic is one that is often associated with heaviness, and as Rosie says, gloom.
Say no to gloom! Odd isn’t it that despite the fact that we have ‘died’ many times, and obviously forgotten, we see death as the END, when in reality it is just another beginning. Maybe we choose to forget so we don’t have to take responsibility and feel we can do whatever we like as there will be no consequences to face because we won’t be here to face them….. or so we believe. Whether you believe in re-incarnation or not, it makes sense to me.
What Rosie has presented here is that there is another way to pass over and we need only to stop and ask questions for this way to reveal itself to us because perhaps our more natural tendencies towards death have been unvoiced due to a submissive relationship with cultural norms.
Thank you Rosie for a beautiful sharing. It’s beautiful how your friend had no fear of death and dying, and how beautifully you where all there for her during her last days. This is definitely a topic which is not spoken about, and more awareness needs to brought to it. We all eventually will die, this is the cycle of birth and death. As our awareness deepens we can all start to support each other in preparation. To be able to die in the surroundings of your own home is a true blessing.
It’s interesting to see how people (including myself) will witness a relative or close friend die and it puts things in such a clear perspective as far as what is really important in life (expressing our love), making so many little issues seem like just that (little). There is a moment of inspiration in observing that dying process of another, but something usually seems to then filter in to cloud the water once more, and before you know it, most people have fallen back into the ‘daily grind’ and getting caught up in emotional dramas, trying to ‘get by’ and forgetting rather quickly how they were offered an opportunity to go deeper within themselves to see how they may have been holding back expressing there love to not only others, but themselves, in so many ways. Seeing how you have so lovingly supported your friend in her dying process, Rosie, should be a great inspiration for others to do the same, and perhaps break down the many fears of dying, which is only worsened when one does not believe in reincarnation and karma, since that alone would help so many to just live in a way that would not only consider what type of life they are coming back to themselves, but how the way they live this life effects the world that they will be returning to the next time around. This is a tremendous responsibility that many may not be willing to face, but that still does not change the fact that it is indeed a reality.
I love what you have shared Rosie, the light and loving support and care of your friend is palpable in your words. Feeling death as part of a cycle and not the big scary fullstop to a lineal experience makes so much sense to me and what I know as true, and confirmed by the teachings of Serge Benhayon. Our current mainstream perceptions of death keep us small and blind to the profoundly beautiful and healing opportunity that exists.
Thank you Rosie. My body surrenders to what you said, in that we must be there for each other constantly, and from love first, to help them be or return to who they feel to be.
Thank you Rosie for offering this point of reflection today. I found it really beautiful the way you described your friend and her acceptance and allowing of the cycle of life and death. How beautiful would it be to have more end of life passages like this one.
I agree this is amazing Susan. This is something which need to be shared and talked about in our society. In keeping it negative we miss out how we ending our own lives and that of others. Missing to experience our own beauty and power within the cycle of dying. Which has an effect how we will start in our next live.
This is inspiring Rosie to read! And breaking through everything we normally associate with dying and disease. Wow. It brings a total new perspective to view the process of dying. If we choose awareness, responsibly and commitment to life we can have that to our last breath. And what huge impact this will have if we pass over that way for our next life. Amazing!
Hi Rosie, What you have shared here is an example of something truly beautiful, a way to pass through the cycle of life with the love and support of those around us. It is an example of how it can be and would change what we ‘think’ or ‘believe’ death to be if it were this way for all.
This is beautiful Rosie and can only imagine the appreciation and the honour that she/he felt having you all support them. It is a truly honouring thing to do to support and help someone feel at ease in their last weeks and moments of their life. It’s such an important phase too as it is what sets us up for our next phase of life.
Thank you Rosie for sharing your experience and your friend’s acceptance of her imminent passing ‘there was no fear of death or dying and no giving up either – it was just an acceptance and surrender to the process and the cycle of life and death.’ It is a privilege to be part of this cycle and support someone else on their path but so often we are not willing to deal with our own discomfort around the issues and this leaves the terminally ill person in a lonely place.
Death is such a normal part of life and in some cultures is custom to be open about and prepare for it. It is a subject we could be more open and free about in our culture as I have found that this offers those that are in their last stage of life an enormous support. Instead of tiptoeing around the subject, everyone can be open and freely express how they feel and what this change is offering. I have been blessed to support a lifelong friend in the last year and a half of her life and have experienced first hand what a huge support this has been to her and her family.
I love the feel of this blog Rosie, it opens up the sense that death is a process that we all take, there is still love, there is no love lost and it is not the end.
What you say is so beautiful and so true Michelle. Death is ‘beautifully natural’ and when we see it as part of the bigger picture of life being an ever evolving cycle it feels quite an insignificant part of our great and wonderful universe. As we gradually gain a view of the greater perspective we begin to embrace life more joyfully as it frees us up from the cycle of fear and a focus on avoiding dealing with death as a reality that comes to us all – once in each lifetime as we evolve. As you say ‘we are coming back again in the grace of what we have left behind’ thus making sense of the cycles of life and the greater and grander universe.
Simple words on a subject that no one ever likes to discuss Rosie. It is time to celebrate death and dying the same as living through expression.
What a beautiful way to go! Rosie I can really feel the love between you and your friend how gorgeous the support was that was offered to her. I have worked with many people who when dying have struggled and found it hard to let go, What you talk about here was that your friend was able to surrender and accept which is actually quite rare in our society. This blog is confirmation of the massive healing that death can bring to all if embraced with acceptance and love.
Your expression here Rosie provides such an inspiration and “model” as to how society could be approaching death and dying. it is so honouring and adoring of the person passing over.
What a blessing for your friend to have you and other friends support, love and honour her at her end cycle of life ; just beautiful.
Rosie, thank you for sharing your experience of supporting your friend as she was dying, for many who believe there is only one life, there is sometimes a rush to get everything done, instead of a gentle acceptance and surrender. I spent the last two weeks with my Father just before he died, and it was a time I will always treasure, because he talked about his life and I learned many things I never knew about him. We don’t know what illnesses will catch us in our later years – but the way you have described your friend’s death feels very supported, gentle and accepting.
Thank you Rosie for sharing your positive and beautiful experience around death and dying. This is generally such a taboo subject because most people think it is easier to simply avoid talking about it.
A great conversation to have Rosie…and so needed in society where death and dying are almost taboo subjects. Working in a cancer/palliative ward I see so many struggle with this natural process – often due to a lack of expression in some form…whether that be from the patient themselves, family, friends, or even staff. Some patients are longing to talk but feel they can’t for whatever reason, and to offer that space for expression is a game changer in peoples relationship with others and with death itself.
It feels to me when one is dying it is a time to express, to express and share all one is feeling in order to accept the dying process and to stay connected with what is right for oneself…. but if you have spent a life time not expressing, it can then be very diffcult to start expressing your feelings around death and dying… So I agree Paula, to offer that space for expression is vital and as you say a game changer for everyone involved.
In my experience with death, people have a lot to express but because it is taboo and because a lot comes up often people don’t know how to express. When my father was dying, there came a time when I wanted him to die. His body was in such a state I was amazed it was actually still alive. I was not offered the space to express this and I eventually did in an angry outburst of frustration. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who had these thoughts and feelings and most of the time it was bottled up. The bottling up of how we are feeling around death is very damaging. I am speaking from the point of view of people witnessing death and not from the person dying. I’m sure there is a whole heap more going for the person dying and expression gives the opportunity to clear so much tension that can build up.
Reading this blog and comments makes me realise the utmost importance in expressing and not to hold back because someone is dying and I’m afraid that I may upset someone. I have not experienced a close member of my family dying but when a family member went into hospital for an operation it brought up so much within the family. I cannot underestimate the power of expression and even though I may say something in reaction (and reflect on it afterwards) it is a step forward rather than say nothing at all which is how I have been in the past.
I agree Paula; I have experienced this myself with a dear friend and her family. The support to express, celebrate the life, be honest about everything that is felt is a huge game changer. Often people don’t dare to express as they do not want to ‘burden’ others with what is going on, but the fact is we all feel everything all the time and while we are busy thinking we are protecting others, everyone is stuck in their hurts. If we can let go of this and talk openly the most beautiful conversations are had that support all invalided in the dying process of one.
So true Paula, death and dying are not talked about, perhaps because we have to look at our own mortality and what we have made of our lives, and what we have learnt. Perhaps we do not want to feel that our striving and achievements are worthless. It is our relationships with people that are the most valuable things to us, and it is a great time to clear up any grievances. The quality of love in our hearts is what is eternal, and it is what people remember. And while there is breath it is never too late.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with your friend’s passing over Rosie. This is a beautiful template for ‘how to go’. I love the way your friend knew what was true for the way in which she chose to approach this important point of pass-over. Social conventions do not have to dictate and steer how we approach such things: ‘ We talked about coffins, we discussed the cultural beliefs and how we had not really known another way. I don’t think there really is a right or wrong way, but I do think that possibly we have never really stopped to consider what feels true for us, rather than what is socially accepted.’ This is so true, there is no right or wrong way, there is the possibility of choosing afresh how to beautifully pass over. The world needs to hear about this.
What a blessing for your friend it was Rosie to have a group of friends openly acknowledging and in fact coming together as an honouring and support for this time of her life. I have found that most people are fearful and confused about death and dying, and choose to not even talk about the topic. It must feel such a bewildering and lonely place when someone is faced with death and no one is prepared to open up and talk about it with honesty. As a society we have a long way to go in this area. Serge Benhayon and teachings of Universal Medicine have been a heaven sent support and inspiration to humanity in this area.
Golnaz I agree with you that death is a ‘bewildering and lonely place when someone is faced with death and no one is prepared to open up and talk about it with honesty’ but perhaps even worse are all the millions of people that die completely alone. What does it reflect about us as a society when we allow this to happen ? We also allow millions of people to live alone as well. How far from the truth have we got when we, a people who are all part of the One glorious whole that is Life, live and die so separately ? What Rosie so beautifully shared should be common place, not the exception.
Approaching death is the end of a cycle and a time to reflect on our life. Sometimes this reflection can be uncomfortable not only for the person dying but others close to them. There can be appreciation for what was true and full but also a deep grief for what was not lived and expressed. This is what we struggle with, feeling the potential of the person but not getting to experience as something real and tangible. What a blessing to have this opportunity to reflect so that we may choose differently next time around.
So beautifully and simply expressed Kate.
To be surrounded by true love when passing over would be a gift. So often there is a very needy kind of love from family members when someone is dying. So Universal Medicine is not only leading the way in which the community works together to lovingly look after someone as they approach death, but it is leading the way in which the carers are in the presence of that person.
Absolutely Nikki, the carers involved are seeing the process of supporting someone who is dying as a very heavy task full of emotions instead of experiencing the natural cycle of life and death and the love they are held in.
Getting ourselves out of the way sure can be a challenge.
When my Dad died 11 years ago it was very much the opposite to what was described here. He was terminally ill for the 4 years leading up to his passing over, his body was slowly dying and it was a one way track. I always found it strange, (actually hugely frustrating) that it was never talked about. I would be hushed up if I ever went near the topic. Mostly it was Dad leading the way with this. He did not want to acknowledge he was dying and whilst he took care of practical matters in terms of his will etc he never spoke of dying. He had motor neurone disease which meant that for the last 18 months communication was limited to a movement of the eyes so by this stage he really couldn’t talk about it even if he had wanted to. But it was his fight against death that was so hard to be around. When he did pass over, I remember thinking that I never wanted to die like that. Not talking about it, or acknowledging it was such a stress and it really was not addressing the hot pink, flashing, beeping elephant in the room.
Thank you for your share Nikki. It has occurred to me, that if you have spent a lifetime of fighting life, when death comes knocking on your door, that is all we know, so we fight death too. It does seem to be true that how we live is how we die….. So when we live a life of being connected with ourselves, it is far easier to accept life, to give up the control and surrender. When we live like this, our bodies already know how to accept and surrender when the dying process comes around.
I hadn’t made that connection Jacqueline and that is not something we want to see but true it is.
Beautiful to hear and feel the ease you write about death and dying based on your recent experience. In my experience it is the acceptance of death and dying that allows us to not shy away from it and hence the person involved in that process but to be with them just like we are with any other matter of life we are open to be and deal with. It is very liberating to come to such acceptance while we are still full in life and not only at the end just as you have, so that we embrace death and dying as natural part of life and can offer the loving support of accompanying one another when it is time to pass over.
Death is just the completion of this life cycle. The more we open up to see it as a part of life, the more normal it will become. The phase before passing over is such a great time to reflect and connect on a deeper level, connect with ourselves, but also with everyone around.
‘Death is just the completion of this life cycle’, a simple truth that I agree completely normalises death.
Opening up to the process of death and dying, rather than shying away from it, has changed everything for me. Inspired by working with Universal Medicine I have dispensed with so much of the fear and taboo around dying, seeing it as a beautiful learning which is part of a much bigger picture than just this one life. I love what has been said here. Simply stepping forward to support someone who is dying, is love in relationship and an amazing opportunity to learn and grow. Thank you, Rosie.
Beautifully written blog Rosie. What you describe feels like a blessing indeed for all the people involved. Every person deserves this level of respect and integrity until their last breath. It will be wonderful when this level of care is the norm.
I agree Shelley – it sure will be wonderful when this level of care is the norm.
What struck me reading your great blog Rosie is that you are correct it is not the norm to nurse those we love at home, one reason that stuck out for me is because we often have so many unresolved issues and hurts with loved ones it makes it virtually impossible to love and care for them without reactions getting in the way. For this way to work it has to be a way of living that supports open and honest expression well before the time of someone’s passing, if not we are asking a lot of each other during an already extremely stress-full time. Thank you Serge Benhayon for pioneering this way of living.
Very good point Caroline. The reactions can be not just between the person dying and the carers, but between the carers and family members. Death bring up a lot for people and the nearing of death can bring an urgency in communication as all that has not been communicated comes up. The way that people have been living and communicating will be highlighted in the lead up to death.
What you Nikki, and Caroline share here just highlights why so many are uncomfortable with death as you then feel all the un-communicated things, the tension and the urgency to quickly get it all out but even the worry of hurting someones feelings when they are so vulnerable. It’s at that time that many actually don’t say what they feel and then feel awful for not expressing in full.
I to Rosie had the experience of supporting a dear friend who was dying from cancer, and by the time she took her last breath, i sat with her. I sat there and asked myself as my friends was unconscious but still breathing and i knew she was ready to leave any moment…is there anything left i want to say to her. There was a stillness in that moment and i felt such a deep love, ‘no, i said to myself, it’s complete, i’ve said everything i wanted and needed to say when she was alive, and i will hold that dear forever. When she passed and up to this day, i still feel very connected to her. In this feeling i know that although the body dies, this deep connection never does.
This is a very real sharing Rosie about death and dying where death can be an embracing experience…death is part of our life cycle and something none of us can escape from, unlike where many of us live trying to escape from life, our pain, hurts, responsibilities and so on…
Death is such a taboo subject that when we are faced with it by someone we know who has died or our own impending death, we often don’t understand our process, our feelings, how to be, what is okay, what is not, we rely on society’s unspoken rules around death. If death was accepted and became part of our natural life cycle we would prepare for what death could bring us as we do with child birth, and other significant events in life that is unviersal.
It sounds so loving to die like that at home surrounded by friends, feeling everything and knowing everything, not hiding, facing death as one has faced life. I feel that we should not stop support in death, if we are supportive in life, why not be supportive in death? What you express is a beautiful gift to take into account for anyone who is in that process. I would want all my family and friends to have a death like that, and of course me, actually everybody!
Rosie what a great blog and to open this experience up so we can start to see another way with dying and the whole cycle of life. This support that you and your friends offered was a healing for all of you. To be able to pass over in this way has must be a beautiful experience and I can imagine you naturally want to surrender to the process.
Thank you Rosie for sharing your observations around death and dying. I was also priviledged to spend some time with your friend in the last year of her life and she was awesome in her surrender to love knowing that her passing was not too far away. I was going to say that I would love to have that deep, deep surrender, as I am in the last stage of my life, BUT, why wait til then?
Yes, why wait till then Janne, I have on many levels always fought life but I am definitely practising surrendering these days. A work in progress!
I agree Kylie, when we look at death as a part of our life instead as being the end of it, we can be more understanding when a person is about to leave and it has not got to be with the usual drama of losing somebody .
I love that Kerstin – looking ‘…at death as a part of our life instead of being the end of it.’ – it certainly allows more understanding when we look at life as a whole, rather than trying to segment or separate it into the “good parts” and the “bad parts” – the parts to fear and avoid talking about in the hope that this will somehow shelter us from the experience.
Rosie, thanks for raising this important and often taboo subject. Sixteen years ago a very dear friend of mine over dinner at my house announced that she had terminal cancer, with a limited but unspecified time left to live. It was a shock and hard to comprehend. Looking back, I can see that I supported her, we all did in our own ways. But a part of me wanted her to live and started to research complementary medicine journals and shared treatments with her that with I believed, to heal and extend her life. In retrospect, I can see that this was dihonouring her dying process. I thought about myself and the potential loss before the needs of my dear friend. Very exposing, but true.
Whoa that is a beautiful honest sharing kehinde2012. It shows how we often do things for ourselves rather than see the bigger picture. Thanks for sharing. I am sure many have done similar without ever being aware.
This is very lovely Rosie, ‘It was beautiful to be in the presence of this woman, who was very ill, but who was not fighting it, who was not holding onto life or in denial of what was happening to her body.’ It is gorgeous that she was able to pass away with such grace, honouring of herself and a deep surrendering to this very natural part of her life cycle.
Yes Rebecca, ‘…she was able to pass away with such grace…..very natural part of her life cycle’ Many more of us can also die like this if death became a natural part of life in our cycle of life and then we have the natural preparation for our impending death, no different to us preparing for childbirth, the beginning of life, where we enter the world….
I agree Karoline we need to prepare for death years before we actually pass over, this makes sense to me, if you consider we need to prepare for child birth another natural cycle that occurs in our life time, so why would we not prepare to die? I am in my death cycle presently and can feel a resistance to really embracing this and knowing the learning this cycle brings.
I would love to learn more about this death cycle! I find this an amazing opportunity to prepare to die so as much as possible can be healed and not having to take the same with me again and again.
Agreed Rebecca deeply beautiful for a woman to be so contented with herself and her life that she was able to pass over free from guilt and regret. Shows how important every choice we make is as they all make a huge difference to how we feel at the end of our lives.
Absolutely I completely agree. All our seemingly small but honouring choices will be with us at the end of our life allowing us to pass knowing who we are, feeling content and free of any false impositions.
This is beautiful Rosie. My step father passed away in this way. He totally accepted his death and surrendered to it. It was truly beautiful to watch and feel. It was a very loving process that I will always remember. It was an amazing marker of how death can be.
‘It was beautiful to be in the presence of this woman, who was very ill, but who was not fighting it, who was not holding onto life or in denial of what was happening to her body’. And for her to be in the presence of a group of friends who so lovingly supported her in the way that you did.
What you describe in your blog here Rosie shows how our passing over can be very beautiful, ‘It was beautiful to be in the presence of this woman, who was very ill, but who was not fighting it, who was not holding onto life or in denial of what was happening to her body.’ and, ‘For her, there was no fear of death or dying and no giving up either – it was just an acceptance and surrender to the process and the cycle of life and death.’ I am sure having the loving support of her friends made this process one of grace and beauty that it was.
This blog shows beautifully the grace of death and the eloquence of a natural cycle. It doesn’t make sense to me that death is something we ignore, or rail against and fight against. It is something that is absolutely guaranteed and I wonder at why it is something we don’t look at with different eyes?
I guess there is a similar saying in English like in German: Only two things are for sure in life – death and taxes.
It is very wise and saves a lot of struggle to accept and be open to face the things in life that are unavoidable and or simply part of the natural cycle that make life what it is, although taxes are thankfully not a law of nature 😉
So could it be that being at odds with death means we are ajar with the laws of life in general, as how can we separate what is inseparable, accept one side of the coin but not the other?
Yes Alex, how can we separate one side of the coin from the other….? We were all born and we will all die…. lets talk about it.
I love that Rachel – “the grace of death and the eloquence of a natural cycle”. Fighting agains this cycle is a huge cause of tension.
There is absolutely another way – different for everyone, depending on their ending – but certainly we can support one another to pass over more harmoniously than has been standardised.
This is definitely worth sharing and making a new norm. Norms aren’t necessarily determined to be best, they’re just norms until another norm replaces it – and I too was a small part of the above described experience and see it as a massive improvement.
Rosie, this is beautiful to share this and I must say that I was hesitant to read your blog as I too have always avoided the conversation of dying. I am glad that I did go ahead and read as what you have shared is not at all scary and sounds like it was a beautiful experience for all.
That’s interesting Heidi, I wonder how many other people read the title and then skipped reading it in fear of the subject alone.
Thank you Rosie, there is so much to be said around the process of dying. I have never been comfortable with the intense emotions and sense of loss around someone dying. We have allowed this part of life to become something that we shut out until we ‘have to deal with it’, and even then, most do not ever really accept or deal with it.
I love what you have shared, and know that there is an entirely different way in which death becomes a part of life, and not the end of it.
Yes, I agree Kylie – when death becomes part of life and we accept this, the perceived taboos about death fall away and we can embrace death in the same way that we embrace life. While we are holding back on expressing these feelings of sadness and loss we are holding back from expressing who we are and how we feel – we hold ourselves back from engaging with life. When we begin to accept and allow that maybe death is not the end of life but just a moment to let go and begin again in our next life, we can more fully embrace the greatness and grandness that is a life that is fulfilled and complete in every way.
I just realised from reading your comment Kylie, that it is not death that I have had an issue with, what has disturbed me is the intense emotions that are associated with death that I react to most.
You’re right Rosie – I have never really understood why talking about death and dying is usually such a taboo subject when it is a reality of life. I feel that everyone is missing out by keeping this subject off limits but especially the person themselves who is close to passing. The support you and others provided your friend and received back in return, is a clear demonstration of what can happen when things are taken out of the emotional realm and allowed to be seen and experienced in appreciation by all.
An awesome sharing Rosie on your recent experience with death. These types of experiences need to be talked about openly and publicly so that death is not feared and so it can be embraced as part of our natural cycle of life. It feels like surrendering and not fighting the process of dying and a deep acceptance is the key to allow for beauty in this process. There is another way to die, thanks for writing this and showing the world that there is another way.
I feel deeply what you are sharing Rosie. I have been inspired by the collaboration that you share and have since been much more aware of those around me who have had operations or requiring extra care in their homes. We are all one big family and we need to live in the generosity of that and not be fooled that we are too busy. Let’s live this and make this the norm.
Fantastic article, Rosie and so very needed. There IS another way to support those we love when dying. In many cases it doesn’t need to be all drama and doom. It’s only because of our prevailing beliefs and attitudes towards death that it’s such a taboo subject when in fact it’s an entirely natural part of our life’s cycle. I firmly believe the approach you and your friends took is going to become much more mainstream in the decades to come.
I loved the way you describe supporting your friend as she passed over and how special the process was, knowing that she was super aware before she passed over, I can only image what she must have felt. This has set a new marker of how to assist someone to pass over, thank you for sharing Rosie.
“I can only imagine how beautiful it must have felt for her to be supported by friends in this phase of life. For her it was a time of heightened awareness and openness and a deep surrendering to what was happening, with deep clarity and a depth of true connection.” Rosie, this is a beautiful sharing from you of what was happening to your friend as she was going through the dying phase of her life. How beautiful it would be if we could all have this sort of support when we are at this stage, especially being able to stay at home in our own comfortable surroundings. And it is great that you are sharing your story of this whole episode for us. It is important for us to be more used to discussing the subject of death far more openly than is usually done nowadays. There is such a widespread fear of death in society, I feel partly due to the fact that it is such a taboo subject for many people. If there was more openness in the discussion of death, maybe that would help dissipate the fear for many people. After all, it is a natural part of the cycle of life and death.
It is so revolutionary how you can pass over, when you are surrendered and not giving up on the world, when you are still part of the world, in service and not fighting against death, because there is no real end. Universal medicine is an amazing role model, how you can die in grace and full commitment still to life. Absolutely mind-blowing and very worth to be researched.
Yes Steffi that’s the key ‘not fighting against death’, it is so common to fight against death, because often is a very frightening, confronting subject…and don’t know how to surrender to death as a natural part of life because it is not a natural part of our lives, but something not to think about until it comes our way by someone we know, or our own impending death due to some illness/disease/accident….then we are faced with our mortality in this body…with no preparation…so we ‘fight’ it…when there is another way that Rosie has so beautifully shared!
I love what you’re saying her Steffi. Dying without giving up and remaining in service to our last breath in this body and beyond is how I would like to, no, will pass over evermore.
I have experience of my husband dying of terminal cancer. The major part of him was so willing to embrace his passing, and mostly he held that throughout, but there was another part of him that at that time I called the “life-force”, which strongly resisted and came out in the way of him overriding his body and acting out his old determination to beat his weaknesses. I could feel the fight going on inside him. In the last month of his life he let go, and fully surrendered to his passing, speaking truth with such clarity, and died with a smile on his lips. It feels like it was a whole process of letting go and letting go, and having observed this I also feel that it is important to practice that letting go in the life lived now, especially when we go to sleep at night.
Beautifully shared Joan….i feel that what we are actually terrified of where at times we fight death, is actually the fear of letting go and surrendering to the unknown, we cannot control death, it is bigger than us.
I do find our attitude toward death and dying, especially amongst Western cultures to be one that does not support us to live our lives. Death is feared, fought, glamourised, stigmatised, and generally the reality of it is avoided at all costs especially when we are young. Yet, it is the great inevitability that we all will face at some point. It has been said that it is one of the only things you can count on, but the majority of the time it is ignored as being a factor in life. Could that be because we are so set on this life being all that there is, and we cannot conceive of there being anything else that comes afterwards? In this instance, then life becomes something that must be lived to its fullest and death staved off for as long as possible.
But, if we embrace the fact that this life is not the end of the line, and that we are a part of a massive cycle of consciousness, death does not hold any fright for us. It’s as if it is an endless book. As we come to the end of a chapter, we begin the next.
Interesting though that those who ‘set on this life being all that there is’ do actually not live life to its fullest and even when they think they do they can´t as life is reduced to being less (only temporal, physical) than it truly is.
Very true Alex and Naren. We reduce life to a purely temporal existence and immediately feel the stifling effect this has as we then try to ‘live life to the fullest’ in constant fear of an imminent death when really the ‘death’ is the contraction we go into to achieve this. For in order to do this we must first override the enormous magnificence that we are from and that we are here to live, in full, through these bodies in this life and those thereafter. To not live this enormity requires us to call on a rather huge force to stop this so naturally expressing. In this way and in these ‘suits of lead’ we thus fashion for ourselves, we miss the point that we are here to live in full the ‘all that we are’ from the ‘all that we come from’ in these kingly bodies of flesh. There is nothing to fear but the fear itself and even that can be transmuted in a moment if we so choose.
Rosie – it is absolutely beautiful to read this article, I love how you talk about death and dying as such a natural part of our life cycle and something that need not be feared, I feel very inspired by what you have written, this is lovely, ‘She was able to stay at home and she never lost her dignity or ability to choose what was right for her’. I work for a care company who support elderly people to stay in their homes, it has been a pleasure to support people to be in their own homes and as you say choose what feels right for them, with foods, drinks, sleep times etc… theses things feel really important and I know with many nursing homes you do not have a choice of food and bed times.
Such a beautiful sharing with us all Rosie – Death and dying, yet again it is one of those subjects that gets left till very late in a persons life or not even discussed at all. This not only makes it difficult for the dying person but also for the family to accept this natural process, and they are often left feeling that they could have done more. To be surrounded by friends and family in those final months/weeks/days/hours are truly supportive and I feel a great healing for all involved. Thank you Rosie, I feel this blog will certainly help many who are less certain of the natural process of dying which we will all inevitably go through at some point.
Thanks for writing on such a taboo topic Rosie. Death and dying are often seen as something to be afraid of, and what I have noticed is that the fear of dying is linked with a belief that we cease to exist at that point. The fear then creates even further tension in the body of the person who is ill/dying, almost like they are literally hanging on for dear life! What you have shared in your experience with your friend is that it doesn’t need to be like this… if we surrender to what is, there is an amazing amount of love and calm that can be shared. What I could really feel in your blog is that your friend was so open to everyone, truly letting people in, being vulnerable and allowing herself to be supported – this in itself is a huge healing and so beautiful for me to read.
The topic you touch on that I think is so important is that a person is able to maintain their dignity and ability to chose what is right for them up to the end – for I have seen many people who are not listened to or considered in the decisions made about there own health.
Yes it is sad when someone is not able to choose and others take over and control the situation, without considering everyone involved. More often than not it is about function first and not about love.
Reading this blog an image came to me that supporting someone while they are dying in this way must have been how it was in the past in communities everywhere. Death was real, up close and personal not sanitised or locked away in a dark corner or impersonal building. People in communities would have banded together to help each other and the dying person. Somewhere along the line we have lost touch with this communal, frank, open attitude to death and dying and it is lovely to hear that some are starting to question our current attitudes in this area.
You got an image from reading the blog Andrew, and I got an image from reading your comment. It was so real, like I have been there before and perhaps that is why it feels normal to me.. I love how you share, not sanitised or locked away in a dark corner or impersonal building. Being in community and supporting each other is the way to go.
I agree, when I hear about someone being ill it is always, they are battling the illness. With what you have presented Rosie, it brings a new idea to how we deal with illnesses. Rather than fighting them we accept them.
And I think the dying process then would be easier to handle, less fraught with emotions on both the one dying and loved ones.
Rosie, your article shows me how different it is when a person is surrendered to the process she or he is going through. I was observing two persons , both very ill , dealing with death. One person was quite surrendered and also was able to stay home until the last breath. All family members reported how harmoniously the passing over was. The other person has much more difficulties to accept and constantly is in a fight or struggle.
I realize for myself even if death for most people is threatening, it can be a very healing process for the dying person itself and all others around if the person and those around are more connecting to the blessing they get instead of seeing death as an enemy.
I agree, Kerstin, sometimes it is the people around emotionally hanging on and grieving that creates disharmony in the process of dying. In my father’s case, he had cancer, we all knew he was dying, he was totally accepting of it, and we all visited him, and were very gentle around him, there was no feeling of hanging on. In the case of another more distant relative, I visited and just held her hand for a while, which fell lovely, but after I left, her immediate family hung around her hospital bed for over 24 hours watching her die. It didn’t feel like a gentle passing but an exhaustingly distraught emotional process of grief for those left behind. How much easier is it to accept death when there is an understanding of what happens after.
Thanks for another great blog Rosie. I have never really feared dying myself, but I know with a member of my family having health problems at the moment how much it can affect people. I almost feel like a part of me almost shuts down, maybe to not feel sad, but the way you have described how your friend went through the process of dying it makes it seem actually quite beautiful.
Thank you Rosie for your inspirational blog, and I am sure will inspire many regarding bringing the topic of death and dying out into the open. Death is part of the great cycle of life, there is no escape, and the reason we choose to ignore it is because we are so afraid that it is the end, that there is nothing beyond the death of the physical body. I used to have an awful fear of death, almost to the point of being a morbid obsession. It wasn’t until I attended Universal Medicine presentations that my fear of death has subsided and talking about it doesn’t hold the same fear or dread any more. Talking openly and sharing the topic of death and dying alleviates the anxiety around it, after all, if you believe in re-incarnation, we have already died many times before, and come back to do it all over again.
I agree with all you say, Sandra, death is part of the great cycle of life, and to know it as such takes away so much of the fear that surrounds life. And if one is even open to the possibility of the fact of reincarnation, then why would there then need to be any fear around death?
A great sharing Sandra. I never had a fear of death but I can say that Universal Medicine has been an amazing gift presenting and putting words to a knowing about death that I had but never voiced. The presentation of cycles and me applying and being aware of this in my life has been a complete game changer.
I have observed in those with a terminal illness that when death is not so far away any more but an impending possibility, how much they enjoy the beauty presented daily in life. ‘Little things’ become such an enjoyment, like the sun through a palm frond, the drops of rain, a warm bath, the smell of a rose or the like. It has often struck me that what a shame it is that we often wait until we are dying before we start to embrace life, and enjoy all the beauty, love and magic that is given but that we often pass by with eyes fixed on some other horizon.
What an observation Josephine, it seems to me that because there is not the stretch of future ahead of someone at this point in their life, that they do not live in or for the future but in the here and now, with an appreciation of what is here rather than what they could or might have ‘one day’. The ‘here and now’ is so naturally full of these details.
A beautiful observation, Josephine, yes, why indeed do we wait until this stage of our life to enjoy the beauty presented daily in life. Observing these tiny little things can so lift any of the days of our lives. I at times find myself held by the beauty of a tiny little white flower that appears seasonally among a few other plants in my garden. It has just three perfect tiny white petals with a little green spot on each of them. Years ago, walking in a rainforest, I was attracted to this tiny flower, and found just one seed on a tiny plant. This little flower is the result of that seed that I planted, which has spread unobtrusively over a small area and reminds me each year when it sets just a few perfect white flowers. So tiny, yet gives me such joy. For me now, just realised, a beautiful point of light.
Yes that is so true Josephine Bell. Humanity only seems to stop and smell the roses so to speak, when something like dying or death of another pull us up and brings to us the opportunity to truly enjoy all of the beauty that is there within that situation if we truly embrace it.
I love what you have written here, Josephine. There is a lesson here for humanity in learning to appreciate and savour the moments of beauty, love and magic in every day, and not being too ‘busy’ to celebrate the glory of this life.
Yes I noticed this too, my father who never really appreciated flowers before he was dying, would love to walk to the neighbour’s house and smell the roses, this was a daily ritual. And for the first time he would comment and genuinely appreciate small things we did for him. He even asked me to give him a shoulder massage which if you knew my father, was very out of the ordinary. As you said Josephine such a shame he did not embrace life in this way prior to dying.
I’m glad we are talking about how people can and do change and become more open in death; it is a common assumption that “people die in the same fashion they have lived” which I do see happen to a great extent…but is it possible that with un-fearful and open support a person may dare to begin to unfurl in their last days and feel more of who they are?
This is a great conversation to open up Rosie, since death is still taboo although inevitable and a completely natural part of life. The more we speak openly about death and share experiences like yours the more we break the taboo. I, too have experienced accompanying a couple of dear friends pretty closely through their illnesses and dying process. Like your friend they both accepted the inevitable and entered into the dying process wholeheartedly and shared many of their revelations and insights with me. It was a privilege to be with them and I felt most blessed to be able to share their process and witness them blossoming even in the face of their bodies’ disintegration.
I love what you have shared here about the blessing and privilege of being close to someone when they are dying. Particularly poignant in a society, as has been shared here, that still tries to keep death at arms length. There is real grace in the ultimate surrendering of life.
Blossoming even in the face of their bodies disintegration. I love that sentence as it is exactly what I witnessed.
Death is an important part of life for us to embrace – and it’s lovely to read your account, Rosie’s. Death has so many false beliefs imposed on it and as we begin to see our way through the miasma and allow ourselves to accept death as a reality rather than always holding it at a distance we can begin to appreciate not only the person dying but all that they have brought to the world. When I have been with someone when they were dying it has felt like a privilege and an honour to be present. When we are fully present with the person dying we allow them the dignity to die with completion.
Rosie, I love the delicacy in which you have written this blog for us all. I have recently been feeling how much joy there is to be felt in the dying process but this was not my experience when I was growing up nor within my practise as a nurse in the early years. But recently, all this has changed and my ‘new normal’ has been to accept death and dying as beautiful and to not give my power away to what anyone else thinks. Your account of such a precious situation to you does support everyone to understand their own beliefs around the subject.
Cherise, I did write this for everyone.. and I love what you have added.. Do not give your power away to what anyone else thinks. This is very important. No merging or morphing or playing nice so others don’t react. Just be you and live your way.
Beautifully timed, Rosie, and very supportive to feel the depths to which you have considered this taboo subject for many, and have brought it back to love, which in truth is what life and death are only ever about.
The thing that always strikes me about death, is that a lot of people are less afraid of the actual dying itself, more so the mourning and emotions their families will go into once they are gone.. My great great grandmother died a few years ago (in her very late 80s); she was mostly blind, mostly deaf and not very active; her quality of life was not good at all, but she wasn’t given the love and space to move on and let go because of how attached her family members were of her. I think what you shared about death not being something to fear, but rather just another part of life, is super important. Thank you Rosie!
Dying is an incredibly sacred phase in our lives as every one involved is asked to stop and feel. It brings us back to our essence, the essence of life but can also be bringing an intensity of emotions to the surface. All reasons for us to bring our presence and support to the person dying as well as those close to them. What you describe in your blog feels like an ancient way of assisting those who pass over, very beautiful and natural if we allow it.
This is a beautiful sharing Rosie. Death is an event that we will experience in our life at sometime yet it is one subject, perhaps above all, that in general we know the least about or talk about. Your article is powerful contribution to change the present attitude and approach to death and dying.
Deeply beautiful sharing. Thank you Rosie
Rosie, thanks for your powerful blog. I take a lot with me, when I read your experiences with the cycle of death and life. Especially your sentences – “it was just an acceptance and surrender to the process and the cycle of life and death.”- is touching me. In the past I was afraid of death and what you share is, that there is a complete different way to look at this – how important it is to accept and to surrender.
This is a beautiful blog Rosie. The passing of your friend sounds like it was an enriching, touching and simply profound experience. It seems that dying should be normal this way and yet how many of us get to experience death in the way you have described? It is a subject we avoid discussing and this blog is a great subject opener. Thanks for writing and sharing.
Absolutely Rachel. This blog offers a perspective that just isn’t spoken about and something that should be part of people knowing and conversations.
To be honest, I felt a little afraid of writing the blog and sharing it as I did not want to offend anyone and I was probably worried about how some may react, yet at the same time I felt how important it is that these kind of experiences are shared.
The timing of this blog is extraordinary – having been informed of a family members terminal illness just last night. On the one hand the news was devastating and a large part of that is the selfish reason of missing someone I have enormous love and respect for, as well as not looking forward to the pain they are likely to go through. But I can see that within this there is an opportunity, to connect very deeply with this person, to be there and learn with them along the path of their final journey in this life. That feels more like a privilege and an opportunity for all of us, and I intend on embracing it.
Wow this is awesome timing Simon what a great opportunity to offer understanding to all concerned in your circumstance, just by being you and living your wisdom.
It sure is a privilege Simon, and a great opportunity to make the most of all your moments together. Share and express all that love you have. Love them up and enjoy your time together, remembering that it is not about the amount of time, just the quality… just you and them and just being together..
I agree, we should talk about death and departing physical life as freely as we talk about birth and entering the world. Yesterday I visited a 90 year old neighbour and during the conversations we talked openly about passing over and I felt my friend welcomed the opportunity to talk without emotion about something that is very much on her mind.
That is great Mary, I bet your neighbour really did appreciate it because it must be something that she thinking about but then it is one of those subjects that people try to avoid or just don’t feel comfortable talking about. I too had this conversation with two women yesterday and it feels great to talk openly about it. In fact, since writing this blog, I have been discussing death more and more and I am quite surprised with how many people do believe in re incarnation but are even shy to talk about that.
Thank you Rosie,
You are so right when you share here that the norm is to not have a very peaceful accepting death. Usually this is surrounded by sadness, anger, regret, and ones unwillingness to accept the situation.
With all that in the air, how can dying possibly be peaceful.
It is seen as ‘normal’ to feel these things and get lost in these emotions ; but perhaps if we are to accept what is happening, then we can cherish and appreciate the moment we have left?
I just have to say I hope I have a bunch of friends like you when I’m ready to pass. I have always thought it weird how we hold something that is as sure to happen with so much doom and gloom as it is just another phase of our existence as we move into yet another cycle, but I guess it is the sadness of not seeing that person as they were again.
Me too Kevin. The ‘doom and gloom’ of death can be quite intimidating and seemingly overwhelming, but the thing is – it doesn’t have to be like that! As shared in this blog, dying is another cycle of life and in no way does that need to be so sad and solemn – instead it can be a celebration, and an opportunity to reflect back on life and appreciate all the things we’ve done.
Rosie your blog felt deeply humbling and supportive as I read it, a sense of joy and wonder came over me as some of the barriers that I had put up around death and dying came down. What stands out the most is the deep love, care and support you and your friends provided as your friend was preparing to pass over. There was no fear just love. It shows the world of what is possible and also highlights that so many of us live in the fear of dying for our entire life rather than openly discussing something it. I feel that the more we do the more we understand what passing over is all about and our fear of dying will become no more – it’s something that has inspired me to talk about and explore this. It is also lovely to feel how we can together as friends and a community to support one another during the end period of this life.
Such a beautiful and inspiring sharing Rosie. Death as in birth can bring people together where we forget ourselves and remember love.
What I get from your blog Rosie Bason is that it is such a great gift to one another to share the full appreciation of life and death at any moment in our life. As death is an undeniable part of our life here on earth, a point which we all will come to, why should we make it a taboo to share openly about it. By making it a taboo we deny death as being part of our life and when we are living in this way and come to the end of it, we are not allowed to give the dying any space but instead we continue to avoid and fight it. Therefore is is such a blessing that we bring back the normality of death and dying back into our lives, so this phase of our lives can also be valued and lived as we value and live all the other stages of our lives.
Thank you Rosie. Reading here I am touched by how in avoiding and fighting death we fundamentally miss out on the true beauty of life. We see a lot of grief in death yet your story illustrates that the greatest bereavement we suffer is the loss of our natural joy in understanding life’s cycles.
Yes, well said Joseph, ‘the greatest bereavement we suffer is the loss of our natural joy in understanding life’s cycles’.
So very true Joseph.
That is so true Joseph! If we understand life’s cycles then there is no need to be sad at all.
Wow, Toni, you have presented an immensely powerful statement when you wrote about the “…need to fight illness and disease,…” because what I have realised when reading this is that we are essentially fighting the possibility of dying and what may be next for us. The fear around death and dying seems to be more than I have been willing to feel. It is slowly dawning on me…
Yes, Robyn, I agree and well said Toni. Fighting illness and disease highlights the lack of acceptance of where one is truly at. As Rosie has highlighted in this article, death can be a healing and a blessing for all – and a really joyful and lovely process when in acceptance of it and surrendered to it.
Robyn not only is there the belief we need to “fight illness and disease” but there is also all the pressure and expectation from family members to fight it. I’d not considered the same pressure around death and dying but its certainly there – to be avoided at all costs. Since young I’d heard about “The Fight Against Cancer” as its the enemy that must be killed – yet in that fight we can avoid dealing with the actual illness and its cause in the first place.
There is certainly an immense amount of beauty in death and to feel this and support someone dying with this in mind is a truly healing gift for all. I loved reading your blog, Rosie, as I feel the same as you do now about death and dying. Your friend was one amazing lady to have such a surrender and acceptance of her process and to have you all with her offering so much lightness and support throughout.
I can accept a belief in myself that there is life after death and that the end of physical life is not the end of life as such. But there is something that still makes me un-easy about the thought of ME physically dying. Im very happy being Harrison and can’t think of being anyone else. I guess in time I will understand.
In regards to my previous comment, it has become clear to me that when I am living as full as I am, and not holding back who I am, then life makes sense and I don’t have the same tension with death because I know that I am actually eternal, my true expression is from God and it is eternal. So why do I have to worry about death?
I love that Harrison, it is about living our life in full – moment by moment. No worrying needed but understandable though. I find this blog makes it for me less unknown that I will die eventually, I can feel how I can live my life in full quality until the last moment. This is gorgeous.
Thank you Rosie, this surely describes the way I would like to pass on – no fear, acceptance of what my body was going through and loving, unimposing people around me.
When there is a fear or reaction to death and it’s natural process we may want to fight it or avoid the dying person because we feel it’s too much to cope with. Your experience Rosie was simply of love and connection, and the beauty of being with a person and continuing to deepen that relationship and appreciate all that she meant to you and brought to the world. For me the learning of this is to deepen my acceptance of death, but also to appreciate and care more for every person who is currently in my life now.
Hi Melinda, I just remembered from reading your comment how it would have been really easy to not go there and to not visit my friend. To find ways to be busy, to make other things more important and if I had done that, it would have been to avoid feeling all that this opportunity offered me. I am glad that in this instance I did not avoid the amazing opportunity that was presented. I guess in many ways, we are all often offered different opportunities to learn from but it is up to us to take them or not.
This is an important sharing Rosie. I have always thought we need to make the topic one that is natural to us, as death is. I remember sitting with my Grandmother on her deathbed with some other family members and discussing what was going on, I saw a gentle process at work as she drifted in and out of consciousness and when we left she gently drifted away. A beautiful peaceful departure. Thank you Rosie.
Being fearful and secretive about death and dying doesn’t support anybody, not the ones who are left behind nor the one who has passed over. Thank you for sharing your experience and your friend’s very conscious and deeply healing dying process.
Agree Gabriele, because how we go out, is how we then come back in.
Yes, I agree Gabriele – we need to see death as part of life and not separate from life.
Yes, death is part of life and is part of the cycle that we are all a part of.
When we make our life about self-recognition and ticking boxes – illness and disease are accidental inconvenience, and death is something that brings an end point to it and many or us try to put it off as much as we can – even though our body might be saying otherwise. What Universal Medicine presents not only makes sense of life, but also makes great sense of death, and helps me understand the importance of committing to life until my last breath. It’s beautiful to read how your friend had fully accepted and surrendered to her own dying process, and how you and your friends came together in support of her – equally in recognition and acceptance of that particular point in a cycle.
Fumiyo, you make such a great point when you say ‘When we make our life about self-recognition and ticking boxes – illness and disease are accidental inconvenience’. Self recognition and ticking boxes never brings us that which we crave so deeply – connection to our self and connection to the all. So we run around chasing our tails trying to find it – wishing death will not come to us because we haven’t ‘found it’. What we fail to realise is that that which we want so badly is within us all along… and as Liane and you have expressed, it is the loss of connection to this that is what we grieve the most.
I love how you have captured it all and put it so simply in this comment of yours Brooke. I love how all of us discussing this together, learn so much from each other.
I agree, Fumiyo, Universal Medicine makes great sense of death and gives a purpose to life – not to have the best time possible and do everything on our ‘bucket list’ (=Do everything before we kick the bucket, i.e. die) but to prepare ourselves for our next life, so we don’t keep repeating our mistakes as we have done for so many centuries.
We are indeed part of a great cycle of life and our exit from one phase is but an entrance into another. This is at play within life as we move through the various ages and stages of development and thus it is no different when we transition from this one life into the next. What trips us up is the ‘discarding’ of the physical body, for while it is indeed important to honour and cherish it, we seem to have become so attached to it that we fail to see it is a vehicle of expression, that is, a valuable ‘container’ for the essence that lives in and expresses through it as such. And while this physical body belongs to the Universe and is subject to its laws in that it will deteriorate with time, the essence within (Soul) never has to be departed from.
It is the ‘goodbye’ that chokes us around death, yet in truth we never have to say goodbye to something we always have connection to. Therefore, what we grieve most in the moment that a loved one passes over, is not the ‘loss’ of a friend but the loss of a connection so deep and true within ourselves that it kills us to not live it everyday. We mistakenly mourn in death that which we silently grieve in life – our connection to the all. For when love is lived, it is known that love never dies and while we still miss those that we love and that are no longer here in physicality with us, we can never miss the love that they still are, as being one and the same as the love that we also are and that is felt in every cell of our body and in every pore of our being. When we breathe this breath, there is no death, only an eternal cycle in which to choose to express more fully each loop around, the love we already are.
Liane I so appreciate your expression, this was so powerfully and beautifully written.
Yes, so beautifully expressed. Thank you Liane. I love this line:
“We mistakenly mourn in death that which we silently grieve in life – our connection to the all.”
This so beautiful Liane , your lines– When we breathe this breath, there is no death, only an eternal cycle in which to choose to express more fully each loop around, the love we already are. Say it all . To know we are love is to know love is eternal.
We never have to say goodbye to something we always have connection to. So beautifully expressed, thank you Liane. It is this connection to ourselves, like you say, that we actually miss. The biggest sadness we has human being have, is that we actually miss ourselves.
Beautifully said Lianne. If there is one thing that nature teaches us , it is that all of life is an eternal cycle. Death in nature never signifies the end, but rather a point of transition. That is all. The bushfires rage, and life returns to bloom again. Yet we ignore the profoundness of such reflections, choosing instead to be consumed by the illusion that death marks the end.
“For when love is lived, it is known that love never dies and while we still miss those that we love and that are no longer here in physicality with us, we can never miss the love that they still are, as being one and the same as the love that we also are and that is felt in every cell of our body and in every pore of our being.” I love the deepening of awareness you bring here Lianne. I this was known and felt by us we would celebrate the passing of another – celebrating their life just lived but also the love that they will always be.
‘We mistakenly mourn in death that which we silently grieve in life – our connection to the all.’ This explains the incredible public outpouring of grief whenever somebody famous dies – it is as if collectively we give ourselves permission to cry in public, because there is a ‘reason’ but in truth we are mourning our disconnection to ourselves.
What powerful words you have written here – and they offer us all something to deeply ponder on – thank you so much.
Rosie this was so beautiful to read and brought me a much greater and different perspective of what it is to die with dignity and support. I could feel the grace with which your friend was living with up until her final moment. This is such a deeply nurturing way to view death, that most definitely could change the way we treat those who have terminal conditions or fighting illness and disease. It brings to light that death does not need to be something that is feared and that in death we can continue to live with dignity, love and support.
Death is a great topic to bring to the table to discuss Rosie. It is interesting that death is so rarely discussed or only brought up when someone we know is in the process of dying. In my life I have attended many births and many deaths and can say without a doubt I would rather be attending a death. There is a timelessness and an inevitability in the very process. It is a winding down, a slowing down, until you come to a complete halt. It can be a very beautiful experience for all.
When my father was in the process of dying he became very sensitive and very aware. It was like he realised that there was no longer any need to hide or protect this side of him self, no longer a need to become or be someone that had to prove himself.
He spent a lot of this time realising what he had missed. He spent a lot of time curled up in the fetal position quietly sobbing. He would look at those he loved with fresh eyes, realise that he had never really seen them before and shuffle up to his room and sob.
I am not saying his death was ideal just that I had never felt closer to him. He let me in more than he had ever in my life. I felt I got to understand him and this was what made it very beautiful.
Thank you for sharing Kathleen, I got a sense of how beautiful it must have been for you and your dad to have this time together.
Rosie, your experience and understanding gained through witnessing the preparation and passing of your friend, has opened a conversation about breaking down long held ideals and beliefs not only about death, but also the True cycle that we are all a part of.
To approach something that is unavoidable and an experience that is shared by every living being with fear, dread and a mishmash of untruths is truly harmful and subtly impacts how we live our lives.
My father passed when I was a child and the experience for me was one of confusion and bewilderment as I observed the reactions and emotions of family and friends. The gatherings and words of comfort offered by the religious did not ring true as to what death was, where my father had gone and how I was to integrate this experience into my life.
It began a search for me to find the truth of what death really was, as I clung to my loss and tried to make sense of my life without the love and care of my father. Rather than having a deep and true understanding of life and death, I too clung to the memories of the past, trying to keep my father alive.
A search through different religions and philosophies did not provide an answer that felt true for me.
That has now changed for me. What you have offered here is true. Death, passing on, passing over is a part of a cycle of life that we belong to. It cannot be avoided and is not to be feared.
How we approach death is a reflection of how we approach life. You shared a simple truth here that is supportive of breaking down our misconceptions about death and dying:
“Just thinking about this amount of support and love makes me realise that we could be offering this to so many others who are passing over,”
Offering love and support to all, at all stages of life, and as Adam has above so eloquently shared, expressing this Love and Support in full in all of our relationships, is to truly be in the Livingness of the cycle of life. To live this way will demystify death and dying and allow us to claim ourselves as part of a much grander plan that is continuous and expansive.
Your comment made me think and realise that offering and expressing love even to those who we have held a grudge against in the past is a great thing to do… it is all of our expressions that matter not just selected ones. And when we hold back from even just one opportunity to express love, we get affected and so does everyone else around us.
It is so true that in society it is almost deemed as ‘taboo’ to speak of death and dying. So much so that what has developed is a way dealing with death that is seeded in uncertainty and uncomfortableness and that is highly emotional and not in any way truly supportive. And so we follow a way that gets us through it. What you have presented is truly inspirational Rosie. A way that lovingly supports and honors someone that is in this cycle of their life and allows a deeper loving connection to develop within themselves and those around them. Thank you for sharing this experience as it offers another way of approaching death and dying that is truly healing for all.
Rosie another beautiful article, on a subject so often avoided, your words “Just thinking about this amount of support and love makes me realise that we could be offering this to so many others who are passing over; but we often don’t, because so far it’s not the norm.” Maybe it is time we changed what is accepted as the norm, and offer humanity a completely different approach to dying.
I agree Rosie it is an invaluable time of life to share and be together in a place of surrender as one faces their final days or weeks, or how ever long they happen to have. I had the graced opportunity to be with my dad in the 3 weeks prior to his passing and was an experience I will take with me forever. Although at the time I had not deeply connected to how I was feeling and instead presenting a face of how I thought I should be, the experience has continued to unravel and reveal the truth of all that is available for us to connect to in every moment.
Presenting the face of how we think we should be instead of actually how we feel. This is something that we have become masters at in many aspects of our lives.
Death and dying is such a taboo subject, in Western culture in particular, and as such it is not openly discussed or even contemplated. I remember when my Aunty who was terminally ill was dying and how open she was with how she wanted to handle her passing and funeral arrangements. She showed such composure and strength knowing that she was loved with her loved ones by her side when she finally left this realm we call physical life. I then compare that to when my Grandfather died when I was 16 and being told not to cry at his funeral as it was upsetting my Nan – in hindsight I feel it simply made people uncomfortable for me to be so openly expressing my grief at a time when they all must have been contemplating their own mortality.
Death is part of our natural cycle – we are born, we live, we die and as for many like myself who believe if reincarnation, we come back and do it again. Death should not be something to be feared because what if what comes after our death is better than this??
Great sharing Rosie. There is much fear around death and dying and it is rarely spoken about in our culture. Beautiful that it can be spoken about in such a real, open, contemplative and light way. Your blog illustrates how deeply healing it can be for the family, relatives, friends and the person passing over.
Working in nursing I have been a part of the death of many people. I also shared in the experience you talk about here too Rosie. What you have shared and what I experienced as well is unheard of. Yes people die very comfortably and peacefully at home, but it is not the common experience of many despite it being what most people want for the end of their life. Dying in hospitals is not the same experience, no matter how comfortable people are. When someone is dying it is a very special time for families and can be very deeply healing. The experience you shared I know was this. Everyone was supported in how they were caring for her. No-one was doing it all by themselves or with a just a few people. This showed me that the community can care for our dying at home, but that it needs to be an experience that is shared. The other thing that I loved about your sharing too Rosie was that there is nothing to be afraid of in caring for people who are dying and we all have the capacity to do this, all we need to do is be open and willing and then everything we need will be there.
Very true Jennifer, anyone can support someone who is dying…. you don’t need to know anything or be afraid. Just be yourself and do what is needed at the time.
Thanks Rosie. To date I haven’t had anybody very close to me pass away, and when I think about that happening, I do cease up a little. There is such a fear around death, and when I think about it, even for a moment I realise that I have no acceptance of this inevitable thing that IS going to happen, and I notice that my attachment to what others represent for me is why I am unable to accept it. I don’t want to feel the sadness of losing someone, and the emptiness that might bring up in me. Very interesting, I had never given this topic much thought, as I’ve cleverly been able to avoid it.
It is interesting isn’t it Elodie, just to think about it and realise that on some level we have been avoiding it.
I very much agree with you Rosie, death and dying is a taboo topic that we don’t talk about openly amongst most circles. And that is very sad because we miss an opportunity to deepen our awareness and understanding about an event in life that of course happens to us all. I’ve experienced the death of a close family member at a very young age and then more deaths of people close to me when i was growing up and the pain and suffering the deaths would be characterised by would always leave me wonder if this truly had to be the way. Since meeting Serge Benhayon and coming across Universal Medicine, I’ve been inspired to remember it is not. Death and dying can be, and ought to be, full of beauty and grace. It can absolutely be a deeply cherished and celebrated passing of one’s life on to the next.
Just last week our dog at home passed over and the last few days of her life were just that. A celebration of her life and all the times we had with her. Yes there is sadness at her no longer being there, but that sadness is far more in passing than the joy at connecting to the essence of someone and how exquisite it has been to have them in our lives.
Death and dying is a huge topic and one that humanity avoids but has to face either way. We have so much to share about how precious this time in someone’s life can be.
This is a beautiful opening about death and Dying and another way that feels so real and true. What a great presentation for everyone to feel and it takes away all the fear for us and this would bring a huge quality to all our lives. The presentation of this way of being and level of love we can have in our lives is presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine who are bringing so much love, responsibility and deep knowing to humanity and the loving process of death and dying is part of this. Being in the moment and living all we are till our last moment what a gift and way to simply be. Thank you Rosie for this great sharing.
It is great to have these open discussions around death and dying and dispel some of the myths and mystery around such a natural part of our death / life cycle.
It is truly a blessed time spent with someone who is dying when they have accepted and surrendered to the process.
In my experience our relationship with death and the way we approach the process is reflective of how we are and have lived in life. We can choose to either resist it or surrender and let the process naturally unfold….and it can be surprisingly joyful.
Rosie, I love this blog. It is wonderful that you are able here to share what it can be like to help a person go through a dying process with such dignity and acceptance. I love this line, “For her, there was no fear of death or dying and no giving up either – it was just an acceptance and surrender to the process and the cycle of life and death”. How beautiful that you were able to witness the attitude and acceptance of this friend to the fact that she was in the dying process. I feel it is a beautiful way for a person to pass over, to be in the presence and support of so many friends who were able to let this person live the last days of her life in the way that she would want to do. And for those who were helping, what an honour to see someone accept and not be afraid of what lay ahead for her, but to accept it with such grace. There is such a fear of death in our society now, it is great that you have been able to share your story, to help take away the fear that people have around death. It is time for more sharing of the process with the wider world, it is a natural part of the cycles that we all live (and die) in, and needs to be more accepted as that.
I have always enjoyed talking about death. I remember a saying “is there life before death?” – perhaps that is something many people face when they die – have I truly lived? For me personally I see all my lives as one life and part of one cycle of evolution. We keep coming and going and repeating lessons until we learn the consequences of our choices and what is being shown to us. Certainly the body dies each time, but I never die and am eternal. I have found it to be a very liberating experience to live and understand my lives as one. This has given me great purpose and responsibility. It also means that whilst I live my current life fully committed to all that I am here to contribute now, I am also consciously preparing myself for my next life of service. I also understand that the manner in which I die has a bearing on how I come back and the importance of fully committing right up until my last breath. I have many friends that are much younger than me but it will not be long until I am younger than them!
This is true Toni, people are constantly praised for having bravely and tenaciously ‘fought’ cancer, for example and words around ‘battling’ disease and illness seems to prevail. I’ve seen animals die in various ways (prolonged illness and more acute conditions) and they exhibit a kind of acceptance we do not; even when there is pain and shock present they somehow settle into what is happening and surrender. Us people however often like to ‘rail against the dying of the day’, stubbornly resisting or refusing to acknowledge what is happening. It’s as if we cling to the glamour of human life, unable to accept there is something perhaps far grander.
Watching my mother going through the last weeks of life was a very beautiful experience as I felt my mother had already started to leave her body before her final breath. This had me realise we are more than our physical body and my mothers passing over was just the end of a physical expression for now… As we pass over ready for our next expression.
Death and dying, what a great subject. There is beauty in this process as you have shared in your story Rosie. And your words about those who shared your friend’s final months “….how deeply touched they were with being able to know this woman and to be with her in the final stage of her life” – feels light, accepting and cherishing as opposed to typically heavy responses of shame, sadness or regret.
I agree, Toni, there is much fear around death, and the idea that we need to fight illness and disease is so accepted in our society today. So many people think one is weak if one accepts the fact that they are suffering a terminal illness, and let it take its course in complete acceptance of this fact. This is so crazy, people should and must be free to make their own decisions as to whether to fight an illness or whether to accept and realise that it is a part of a cycle of their life that they are now going through to the end of that cycle. It is up to a person him or herself to feel into the truth of this situation for themselves. Others have no right to be judging of the patient’s decisions.
I wholeheartedly agree Toni. I know when an aunt was quite old, frail and ill another family member confided ‘I think they’re throwing the towel in’, in other words, giving up. I shared my point of view that perhaps they were surrendering to the next phase of the cycle of life and not fighting it.’ There is a fine line between people saying I don’t want to face things anymore, and feeling the truth of where they are at and surrendering to it.
Not fighting what is part of a natural cycle and accepting that is where you are at is a powerful thing to do when all around you everyone is battling against this or that disease. We have been taught to fight and battle rather than accept and surrender and look where it has got us.
Beautiful words Rosie, inspiring, direct and to the point. Great blog.
There is so much healing for all involved to witness a person “surrender to the process and the cycle of life and death” with such dignity – a beautiful life lesson and true gift to those left behind.
This sounds like such a lovely experience, simple and free of the fear that seems to captivate all of its audience. Without fear, there was space for you all, dying included, to reflect and have that awareness of the entirety. Inspiring Rosie, thank you sharing how it can potentially be for all is us.
The one thing you can say about death is that it will happen sooner or later to EVERYONE – it is a very normal thing so quite strange that we are not generally more open about it and prepared for it. I had the honour of being part of a team that supported a friend to die at home last year and it was a very joyful occasion for everyone.
It feels the natural end of the cycle of life and our bodies dying, can be one that has dignity great leaning and grace. When people are given the support, love and care, not in emotional way, simply a letting go and embracing of this next phase or part of the cycle.
Its was very inspiring to read your article Rosie, and the support and love we can bring to someone who is dying. By making death and dying a taboo and unspoken about subject everyone is cheated of the amazing supportive and growth full experience it can be. As it is an absolute given that we will all die at some stage, maybe its time to start to tart the conversation with each other about death and dying and express our fears, thoughts and feelings in an open way.
Rosie thank you for sharing with such love and beauty for what can be a very difficult time in our lives. What I feel you have shared about how life continued with an accepting and understanding that each moment was about remaining connected to home and loved ones throughout. That is the persons life didn’t turn upside down with the need for hospitalisation, unfamiliar surrounds and lots of new people. How gentle and tenderly loving to be cared for by family and friends in the environment that you feel deeply loved and supported in. As best as I can predict I’d say yes to pass in this environment.
Rosie, thank you for sharing the grace of the experience you have had with your friend, I work with elderly people and there is so much fear and desperate feelings around death and dying, not always as you say a a time to deeply appreciate and honour and to see it as an opportunity to connect at a deeper level with each other.
Beautiful sharing Rosie in a world where dying and death is almost considered as a failure. We dont have a culture of celebrating death and dying as a new beginning which is testimony of how far from our true origins we are. If we would live in the absolute knowing that we are all equal Sons of God we would celebrate dying as much as birth as the beginning of a new cycle.
As I read your blog Rosie, I can feel how supported and help in love your friend was by so many around her. The love you all shared with your friend at the end of her life feels similar to how we might be with a new born baby just starting out in life, and so she passed over held in the same love and care as would be given to a new born. How beautiful to end a cycle of one life in such a dignified and loving way.
You are spot on Sandra, and in many ways she was just like a baby as she needed 24 hour support and was reliant on us, just like a baby is.
Rosie I also feel that its very important that we ‘deeply appreciate and honour this special time and opportunity to connect at a deeper level with each other.’ Recently I had someone very close to me pass over and in this time we all got to feel the impermanence of the body and yet the eternity of the person. There were great moments of joy and awareness and we all felt the blessing that passing over has for the ones that stay. As a group we felt a deeper appreciation for each other and this has been a gift for all.
Thank you Rosie, this blog made me feel into what death and dying mean to me and I can feel I have not been willing to go there without having a reason for it. I think it has to do with the feeling death is the end of a life and that I will miss the person who is dying so already would detach from the person and the subject. Your words: “Just thinking about this amount of support and love makes me realise that we could be offering this to so many others who are passing over; but we often don’t, because so far it’s not the norm.”, gave me a feel of how the process of dying can be deeply beautiful. I am inspired for sure and one ideal lighter.
Such a beautiful sharing Rosie and one that I know will gentle nudge those who are holding fears around death to be able to look at it in a very different way. Most of us have not been brought up to talk about death which is quite staggering as it is simply part of the cycle of life. Adults think that they need to protect children from the perceived trauma of it but children know what’s going on even if it is not shared with them. How beautiful would it be for everyone who is getting ready to pass over to have the loving support that you and others were able to offer your friend. Now that is the way I would love to spend my last days and hours in this life, being held in so much love.
“It was beautiful to feel the way we all worked together in supporting this process for our friend who was approaching death and dying.”
Your friend’s acceptance and surrender to her dying process would have gone a long way towards the harmoniousness of the way you all worked together as well. Support both ways. How beautiful.
I absolutely agree Rosie that we do not talk about dying and death, and because of that we have many unanswered questions and are quite ignorant to the facts of dying. My father recently died and unlike your experience of the person having the right equipment like a bed to support their body etc we were very under equipped so much so we broke the bed whilst trying to hoist him up to keep him comfortable! It was rather comical… Being with him in his last days was incredibly confirming of everything I have felt to be true that we have a soul and that is of a quality that remains unchanged by what we do in life, it was exquisite to feel my father passing over in his essence, death is a beginning.
I love how your friend didn’t fight her illness and the fact that she was dying and that there seemed to be no fear at all. This is very extraordinary and the way you all held her and supported her. What a beautiful way to go.
Thank you for sharing your experience of a close friend dying. It is one of those subjects that many people feel uncomfortable talking about. Strange because its going to happen to all of us one day. Its sound like your friend had a very graceful and beautiful passing with the support of such loving friends. Its unusual and actually uplifting to hear someone talking about death in such a positive way.
To be able to support another in the process of dying, to be able to share a loving way and to care for their needs is a beautiful thing to have in place. Your connection without a doubt, supported your friend to pass over with the acceptance and surrender, knowing she was in safe and great hands. Brilliant you’ve written about this Rosie to inspire others, as it is the way to deeply connect, appreciate and honour this phase of life.
Your blog makes me think Rosie of all the situations in life that we fight, that’ve are being asked to surrender to and accept. Just writing these words fills my body with harmony.
Surrender and acceptance has been something I have been working on too Shevon. There has been so much control in the past that has left my body feeling hard, protected and exhausted. I can feel that by allowing myself to build a body that is more surrendered and accepting there is more of a lightness and flow to how I feel.
What you share here Shevon is in my opinion a huge reason why we have such a resistance to the dying process. It is a process that you simply cannot control and have to surrender to. Even when you try to fight it you know that this is not true and the process will not stop. But surrendering means letting go of the control that we falsely think we have in life. And when we experience the process of someone dying we cannot deny that control is an illusion we have bought into.
Ouch! Realising that control is an illusion that we have bought into has stopped me in my tracks! That means we are living in an illusion, yet we think we have everything under control, when in fact, we have no control at all. Interesting to think about this one…
I love what you have shared here Rosie. It is such a special gift to be with someone who is dying and to support them in their passing over. I was with my dad recently when he died and although it was in hospital and was relatively quick, we were still able to journey this process with him. The nursing staff were amazing and helped us support Dad physically and lovingly in this process. As a family we were able to talk about everything around death which my mum and most of my brothers and sisters had never experienced. It was a very gorgeous experience.
The timing of this blog was super supportive to share with others. There most certainly is a beauty and celebration that comes from dying and the level of honesty and love that inspires us to hold each other from and with the preciousness that we are.
It is wonderful that you were able to support your friend in this manner, and that for her “..it was just an acceptance and surrender to the process and the cycle of life and death.”
I volunteer in the Accident and Emergency department in a hospital and there are many elderly people that come in from falls or illnesses and you can feel they have given up on life and are waiting to die. Quite often they come in very confused and I like to spend time with them whenever I can and it is a joy to see their eyes light up and become less anxious. What you write here is so important Rosie about coming together to support people who are dying and give them an opportunity to see that people really do care. Death is a special time no different to birth and a wonderful time to connect at a deeper level with each other.
I agree Allison and Michelle, our awkwardness around death is the reason we hold back in caring and supporting the elderly and the dying in their process, which causes them to give up. Instead of our natural ability to connect deeply and support our fellow people to their next cycle.
I have to admit, that I too was a bit awkward at first, not knowing what next or what to do or say but I embraced the whole experience and loved it and cherish it as it changed me and my whole perception on death. Now, if I had stayed with the awkardness, and therefore avoided the opportunity before me I would of missed out not only on the experience but also on writing this blog and all that I have learnt from sharing in the comments.
Rosie this is so joyful to read. What a blessing for your friend and the supporting group to know and understand that there is a different way to approach death and dying – not about fear, just simple acceptance of a cycle of life.
“For her it was a time of heightened awareness and openness and a deep surrendering to what was happening, with deep clarity and a depth of true connection”.
Thank you Rosie for getting this conversation out of the box! I’ve been interested in the death process for years but find, as a general rule, that people are uncomfortable with it (both death and conversation about death.) Death effects those dying and those they are leaving behind. Death has to be part of the living process. Here in the Northern Rivers, we are fortunate to have the Natural Death Care Centre http://www.naturaldeathcarecentre.org which is helping to keep this conversation alive. 😉
Why is there such a hushed attitude towards a perfectly natural process and an event that is coming towards us regardless of our view on it? What you’ve shared here Rosie sounds very practical by being open with the subject of death and terminal illness to best support a person in this time. Like anything I have found if we avoid talking about a subject, situation etc then it leaves everything open to assumption and stress which in any case only makes matters worse for everyone. Rather than regretting the last moments of ours or another’s life we can rest knowing that we did everything we could for ourselves or the other person.
Very true Leigh – when we avoid a topic and leave it un-talked about, it allows people to conjure up perceptions and beliefs towards the issue that could be completely false. Death is definitely one of those ‘hushed’ topics, which – as you say – doesn’t make sense at all. It is the one thing that will inevitably happen to every single one of us at some point, and by not discussing it openly with each other the whole of humanity have different ideals and beliefs about fearing death, what happens after death, death being the end of existence etc. etc.
I feel much freer to talk about death than I use to be able to. I don’t fear death any more, although, I admit that I could possibly think differently should I come closer to the time. I more scared from suffering than actual death.
Death and dying can be joyfull! Most would think that putting these together in a sentence is an oxymoron but what if it is in fact a reality? It is us, the people that choose to be a part of the dying process of the person that choose to make it a sad and gloomy experience, when in fact the opportunity is always before us to choose to celebrate the person and their life.
Thank you for sharing your personal experience with your friend’s dying and making this a topic to speak about more. We all know we will die and yet most of us try to ignore that fact and put is away as far as possible.
” For her it was a time of heightened awareness and openness and a deep surrendering to what was happening, with deep clarity and a depth of true connection.
Just thinking about this amount of support and love makes me realise that we could be offering this to so many others who are passing over; but we often don’t, because so far it’s not the norm.”
This is a new standard you and the others of the team introduced into the world, groundbreaking. I sign up for dying like this and would love to support others too in this way.
To me, death and the process of dying is actually a very precious time. In my recent experience of being around people going through this, sometimes, very difficult time, it really is an opportunity to be much more aware, considerate and caring with all those involved and to deepen relationships. In a way it reminds me of what I observe in pregnant women, they tend to be more loving and aware of their bodies and treat themsves more preciously. If it could be embraced as another stage of life and we could let go of fear and the many imposed ideals about it perhaps it can be cherished and appreciated…
In what you write Laura I can feel the similarity in both stages of treating life with respect and care. The majority of us forget this when we ‘do’ life and struggle through it, creating this image of how it has to be in order to feel that we all have a responsibility to respect all life and be caring for ourselves and others as lovingly as we can.
Rosie, thanks for raising this important and often taboo subject. It is an honour and privilege to accompany someone in the last stages of life. I have experienced this four times and found that everyone responds to their own imminent death differently. Recently, I worked with someone who fought death to the bitter end. Because of my new found appreciation and acceptance of death as a normal part of life, it was much easier to support him through the different stages of dying and his roller coaster of emotional states. Others have a different view and without understanding, and fiercely attached to a loved one , carers or family members can sometimes do all they can to extend life and in the process obstruct the process of dying by willing a person to live. My responsibility was simple to hold and support this man with love through each stage of dying. I listened to him, made him comfortable and accepted him as he was with all his fears and internal struggles. I wasn’t physically present when he died but connected enough to him to know when he finally let go.
Thank you for sharing your story – I was amazed to read that this is not the norm I guess it is a scene we see in movies it hadn’t occurred to me that it wasn’t like this in real life, what an incredible commitment to all involved to provide this support. A true gift.
I loved reading your blog, so inspiring. The love and support you and your friends have given your friend in her last phase of her life is so tangible, what greater gift can we give our loved ones just before they pass over…?
It is great you have entered a discussion to break down the ideas we have about how death and dying have been and “should be” here Rosie. Each death will be unique and special for that person. But, as you have shared, there can be a way in which we work together with honesty and respect to appreciate ourselves and the cycle of life and death more deeply. Beautifully expressed.
I remember when my friend was dying a few years ago and I felt so so so out my depth. I was really lost. I remember walking out of the hospital going to the supermarket and starting at people going – how can you be going about your life as if it is all normal when my world and my friends world is all upside down. It felt really strange and I wanted a guide book to know what to do. Looking back on it now, I recall wishing this was a much more normalised and not such a taboo subject. No one wants to talk about it but it is one of the few things in the world that we will all actually go – guaranteed! So I enjoy you starting to make it normal, talking about death as a normal part of life. Thank you.
Beautiful sharing Sarah – knowing what to do when someone you love is passing may not come with a guidebook but the more open we are in discussing our experiences with others and the more we open our heart to appreciating the joy that person has brought to our lives while resolving any issues we have with them, the easier it is.
Thank you Rosie, this has sparked something in me “Just thinking about this amount of support and love makes me realise that we could be offering this to so many others who are passing over; but we often don’t, because so far it’s not the norm.” And that it is about offering this support and love to each other everyday until the it is time for us to pass over.
Thank you Rosie for sharing your experience. I felt as I was reading the blog that when in the process of dying there has to be a total surrender on all levels, and it felt amazing. Then I felt why wait until we are at that end point in our lives that we can surrender, when it is so needed now? There is so much wisdom in the process of dying, how amazing for all of you to experience it together.
Very true Natalie, what I just got to from reading your comment is we fight life so much when we are living and not only when we are dying. Surrendering therefore would be great, no matter what our age or health is.
Someone close to me is nearing the end of their life at the moment and I have found it difficult to deal with the fact that we have not been able to discuss dying with each other (even though they have been on the planet for almost 100 years this time around! ). Now no more conversations are possible but I am finding so much can be said without saying a word. Looking into each others eyes is a beautiful thing and I can see heaven there.
Yes, words can be so over rated at times. Just being with someone, looking in their eyes and touching them can mean so much more than a few words.
Thank you for sharing your experience Rosie. I feel this is such a great blog as you are right in saying that death and dying is one of those taboo subjects that we stay tight lipped about so as not to offend, or out of our own fears and concerns about it. Reading your blog I realise there is no need for us to fear death, but that it can be approached in a different way, so thank you.
The passing over of my beautiful father was as special and as celebratory as the birth of my children. I felt a deep appreciation for my Dad at the moment his heart stopped beating. This appreciation felt like the culmination of all the moments over the years where Dad allowed me to feel the warmth of his beautiful heart. There were 2 words I felt and expressed in the simplicity of that moment. Thank you…
Rosie I can feel the deep love you held for your friend and the gift it was for you and her other friends to share this time with her. Obviously a gift for her as well. It is simply a joy to be part of someones dying process.
Thank you for sharing your heartwarming experience Rosie – what a blessing for your friend to have been surrounded and cared for by those who loved her during this time. As a family we had a similar experience with my Dad when he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. it was a really beautiful time – he too was able to stay at home until he passed over surrounded by family. It is important as a society that we become less fearful of the process of dying and to be able to have access to the support that palliative care provides.
Rosie, what you describe should be how we live and not just how we die. It sounds like a true community of people coming together and allowing another to be, simply be. Thank you for sharing your story.
Well said Joel. True community and brotherhood.
So true Joel, lets not save this love and support for our last part of this life but lets live and support each other throughout our lives and live in community with each other. Lets expand our families beyond our “blood” and see that we are all the same and we all actually love and want to be with each other but we have allowed hurt, jealousy, issues and what not to get in the way. This is what the Way of the Livingness is all about to me and I love it.
What a way to go, in acceptance and without fear, this is how I would like to die, and this is the support we all deserve to have.
You describe the ultimate in acceptance and surrender – to accept the end of a life cycle and the death of our body.
How deeply inspiring to feel the joy, love and honour of this natural process that tends to be feared, avoided and denied. It makes me wonder how many are hanging on to ‘life’ that is anything but living in a body that no longer serves them or are prepared to forgo dignity and grace to fight their natural death process.
Beautiful sharing Rosie. What a blessing for your friend to have you and all the love and support around her in her dying moment.
Rosie, that is true. We are behaving as if we have proven that this is our only life or, if there are multiple lives, this life has no influence on subsequent lives. Therefore we can be completely careless of old age, death and dying.
I wonder what would happen if many people realised that many of our youngsters only a few years earlier might have had a devastating experience of inactivity and being drugged in an old people’s home.
That is a scary way to think about it Christoph but so true. In the past we didn’t keep old people in homes all drugged up but it seems to be the “Normal” now. To be honest I had not stopped to consider that our next generation that are reincarnating are these same very souls who have been out of it for a while, kept alive in a not so very nice conditions.
The difference of being cared for and staying part of the community rather than being hidden away in an old persons home would have a massive effect then. And this really gets me thinking.
Extraordinary Rosie. This is a conversation we need to have. Death has become such an object of fear, tucked away in hospital rooms, medicalised and remote.
We fight it as though it is a failure and not a natural, next step at the end of a life.
I was blessed to support my mother at the end of her life, although she did not experience the healing grace or deep awareness of your friend. Nevertheless it was a blessing for me as one of her carers, and forever ended my fear of death. What I understood is that her body knew what to do. Our job was to get out of its way and care for her with all of the possible tenderness. I recall one day washing her, and feeling nothing but the utmost honour to do this for the woman who had raised and bathed me. It felt ceremonial, a symbolic bookend moment, and deeply religious. What a difference would it make for us to view death in such a way. Liberating and equally responsible.
I love this Rachel Mascord. Into our bodies we are born and from our bodies we depart. How we live in between will thus determine the ease of this transition and so too will how we die determine the ease of transition that will eventually follow – our next birth. True religion, ceremony and ritual are the oil in the engine that determine the nature of our ride through life, beyond and back again. As always, the grade of oil we use is forever our choice; there is one that matches the make up and flow of the Universe, and one that does not.
whoa Liane,that is one powerful comment! Thank you.
Beautiful Rachel, I love this line:
We fight it (death) as though it is a failure and not a natural, next step at the end of a life.
That so true!
I also loved how you shared about bathing your mother and how precious that moment was. Thanks for sharing.
This is beautiful to read and feel Rachel, the completion of a cycle, caring for your mother’s body as she once cared for yours at the other end of the cycle. It has been my observation too, our body knows what to do, death is a natural process.
I also cared for my mother until her last breath and although the period of her illness was tragic in many ways, the moment of her passing was beautiful. A letting go and surrender. The body coming to it’s natural conclusion. It was a moment of pure stillness. It was the first time for me to experience death so closely (in this life!) and it was a strong reminder of our fragility and the finiteness of our bodies.
Your words, Jinya capture the moment of death so beautifully and allow us to feel our ‘fragility and the finiteness of our bodies’. It is the final letting go – in this lifetime, at least.
I am only just starting to feel and realise that the surrender and that stillness that you write about Jinya is something that is natural and something that we can experience throughout our lives and not just in passing over but it is something that has not really been taught to me until now thanks to Universal Medicine and the the Ageless Wisdom teachings.
Having spent so much of my life trying to control things or worrying about everything on the outside has kept me from finding that place of stillness that is part of me and has always been there, yet I have not connected to it that often. Now that I have, and know how it feels and how easy it is to go there, I will practise more often the surrendering from the busy life and come back to me.
This is beautiful Rachel. I love ‘ What I understood is that her body knew what to do. Our job was to get out of its way and care for her with all of the possible tenderness.’ This understanding shared could bring so much light to the process of dying.
I can’t consider the subject of death and dying without relating to my own belief in reincarnation. This is a topic that is often scorned and ridiculed but it made perfect sense to me that we are older than the one life. Having this belief changes completely my view of death and the dying process. There is as Rosie say almost a taboo of speaking of dying and a deep fear for many. Some i have spoken to see the belief in reincarnation leads to irresponsible behaviour as if you can do what you wish and hit the reset button, however I would view it as a continuation of the energy and choices we make from life to life, hence all the more reason to act responsibly and forge the life and lives you wish for yourself as ultimately we don’t escape any of our choices.
Thanks for initiating such an open and honest conversation about death and dying Rosie. It made me remember my own experience where I used to be very uncomfortable – not about talking about this subject – but about being with or visiting someone who was going through this process. I know for me, there used to be a lot of fear around this, particularly as I was growing up but also into my adult years, and thinking about it now, I did not ever have the experience you describe here where your friend was not afraid of dying but simply seeing this as a natural cycle in the process of life. It’s interesting that we have a totally different approach to birth than we do to death, and yet both are a part of the cycle of life. Your blog is a great opportunity to talk about this subject and explore why it is often taboo or approached in fear.
Rosie this is a beautiful sharing. I feel as a society we have a strange relationship with death, but your description of how you supported your friend, and how she approached her passing, shows us how it can be. I have lost my fear of death since attending Universal Medicine presentations, as I now understand what is really happening in this part of our life cycle. It can be a very tender time for everyone involved if approached with openness.
Yes, Anne, being much less afraid and possibly not afraid at all of death makes a huge difference in our life – things get more important as things won’t suddenly end and we will be around to see the consequences.
Indeed. There is no temptation to ‘give-up’ and check-out, but a joy in embracing the opportunity to build a great foundation for future lives.
It was lovely to read how this woman who was dying was not fighting it, or holding on to life and not in denial of what was happening to her body. What a beautiful way to die. So many times you see the reverse of this where the person who is dying is attempting to stay alive instead of accepting the situation and letting go. This is why so many Nursing homes are full with people holding on and living a poor quality of life. Thank you Rosie for sharing your experience of death and dying. If I could die with the same grace as this woman did when my time is up I would be blessed.
It is amazing when someone is so consciously present about their impending passing over – a totally different scenario from what I was brought up amongst. Death was always seen as tragic and to be hushed over somewhat, but what I have experienced through Universal Medicine, is that passing over can be the most deeply connected time of our lives, guaranteeing a comfortable passage onward rather that being fraught and frightened and wanting to hang on the to body for dear life! A beautiful sharing Rosie.
Yes Jo, I have the same experience… while nobody from my immediate family has passed over, I have several clients who have done over the years, usually later stage cancer patients when they first came along for support. What I notice is how graceful the process can be for all involved when it is not feared or fought, but understood, supported, discussed and when all involved are part of the process. Deep healing is possible for everyone, not just the person dying. It is no longer something taboo in my world, but an opportunity for enormous depth of connection, healing and understanding.
Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, many now have this same experience too.
I agree Jenny Ellis, it such rich opportunity to connect deeply and support a family, friend or collegae in their proces of healing and dying. It is actually really beautiful and a gift for both. What I can also sense from this is that we maybe are affraid to be that intimate because we know that the person will physically die, and that might touches a hurt within ourselves…
I agree Joanne this is something that I have also noticed with Universal Medicine students, that at the time of death they become so very deeply connected with their bodies but also with life itself which is such an amazing opportunity to pass over in that way
Whatever our beliefs, it is often the case that our approach to death and dying does not reflect that which we believe. Otherwise, why would the christian grieve death, knowing that heaven was on the other side? Why would the atheist grieve, knowing that our timespan on this earth is but an ephemeral and irrelevant speck of dust? If reincarnation was our understanding, why would we be affected so deeply, if we knew we were coming back? Our approach to death is not just illogical, it does not make sense.
Death is the most inevitable part of life, and we choose to ignore its immanent coming, instead looking at it for the most part with with fear and disdain. Yet it is often in the presence of death that we receive our greatest revelations. Death puts things in perspective. Those things we thought mattered soon have little relevance, and we start to reflect on all that is important to us. It is a moment for us to stop, to consider, to reflect. And one of our greatest revelations is often how we hold back expressing our true un-contained affection for another until they have passed over, and we are suddenly consumed with the grief of what we have lost. Of course, such grief never is for those who have died, if we assess things with clarity. It is, in truth, our grief – our grief that we held back expressing how we truly felt. It is our grief, knowing that such a relationship was not lived in the fullness that was offered by such constellation. And so, the tragedy of our approach to death is that rather than appreciate that life is such that there is always the opportunity to live that which we have not previously done so with another, we hold onto that which can no longer be, and even worse, live in the illusory memory that what is no more once was, and so false memories consume our thoughts and keep us bound to a past that is no longer ours. Life, meanwhile, continues to blossom on our doorstep, dancing to the eternal rhythm of a harmonious and divine beat that constantly calls us to know and understand that life has no end, and no beginning.
Such beautiful wisdom Adam. You have pinned down the source of our grief so very accurately, because, as you have pointed out, our grief makes no sense whatsoever in the context of the multitude of religious beliefs ( religions including atheism) that populate this planet and out psyches. Each one of these religions has a relationship to death and life that if serious adhered to would render us without grief.
Yet we grieve.
When we step back, as you have done, and as Rosie has done in writing the blog, what we see is the deep ache of love not expressed, and truth not made the platform of all that is said and done. There is the grief – opportunity seemingly lost. The everything that could have been said that was crushed and squeezed into a bland nothingness as is demanded by social conformity, niceness and politeness.
Those social conventions turn to dust at the moment of another death. Truth floods in and we see those deadening conventions for what they truly are, a cap on our natural expressiveness, our infectious joy and our purposeful, unapologetic seriousness.
So beautifully expressed Adam. “Life has no end, and no beginning” … for me this changes how I live each day, not putting off attending to tension in relationships, things that should be said and done. It highlights and deepens my commitment to unfold into my true potential, a potential that brings forth a way that is loving and tender. Living life which has no end presents a pointlessness to putting things off, to another time, to another life, because the moment is here and now, to unfold into our amazingness.
Maree I really like what you have said. For me also knowing that life is just one continuous cycle supports me to feel that I am working towards the future by concentrating on the now. It also helps me not to get hung up on thinking things like I’ve wasted time or missed out by not being loving in the past because I have a never ending future ahead of me so time wasted is really just a illusion.
Beautifully said Adam. ‘And so, the tragedy of our approach to death is that rather than appreciate that life is such that there is always the opportunity to live that which we have not previously done so with another, we hold onto that which can no longer be, and even worse, live in the illusory memory that what is no more once was, and so false memories consume our thoughts and keep us bound to a past that is no longer ours.’ This would also make an amazing blog about death and dying.
The illogicality you present Adam is spot on: our attitudes to death to not make sense and there is something in us that tenaciously and stubbornly wants to hold on to life rather than accept what is happening. I have been through a version of this recently in terms of noticing – and embracing – that I am now middle-aged, at least half-way if not more the way through a natural lifespan (assuming my 80s will be the endpoint). I like the responsibility inherent in acknowledging this, and have observed a letting go of some hitherto unconscious, subtle tension I was carrying around the need to be ‘forever young’. Rather, I have felt something warm and delicious, a cosiness that has come simply by allowing and relaxing into my body, appreciating the fact I am moving into my elder years… settling into the beginning of autumn after a long summer.
Some great points here Adam. I had to laugh when I read that our approach to death does not reflect our beliefs and “why would the Christian grieve death, knowing heaven was on the other side?” Maybe people are more prone to fears when they only believe something – but it is a different matter when you truly KNOW.
Great point Nicola… this to me exposes beliefs to be false, something Serge Benhayon has presented for years and the ageless wisdom has said for eons. When a truth is known, there is no contradiction.
What is shared here also regarding unexpressed grief is important too. There will be a sadness that comes with the physical loss of a loved one but I can feel also how deep grief is more the product of despair around the lost opportunity to express and live the relationship in full.
Absolutely true Victoria.
This is what I can feel too.
Yes, Victoria and Adam, there is a sadness with the loss of a loved one, but grief is never only for, ‘those who have died, if we assess things with clarity. It is, in truth, our grief – our grief that we held back expressing how we truly felt. It is our grief, knowing that such a relationship was not lived in the fullness that was offered by such constellation.’ I know I felt this when my brother passed over.
This concluding line in your comment “Life, meanwhile, continues to blossom on our doorstep, dancing to the eternal rhythm of a harmonious and divine beat that constantly calls us to know and understand that life has no end, and no beginning” has given me a moments pause to consider another facet of death that comes from the medical profession.
In scientific terms, life has been reduced from “the eternal rhythm of a harmonious and divine beat” to a random event in an inexplicable Godless Universe. It is a lightening bolt activating and animating proteins. This has an outplay that affects not only our view of life and the way we live it, but it has a terrible impact on the way we relate to death. Randomness has denied both of them meaning, and relationship to each other and ultimately responsibility in the way we handle them; life and death are after all one and the same. We have compartmentalised death as something separate from life, that is in itself a huge problem – yet all around us life forever shows us the simplicity of this cycle. Even many of our doctors fear death, and find it difficult to handle, after all they spend all of their training on it avoidance.
Blogs and comments like this are so important because they change the conversation about death and start to break down the walls we have constructed around it.
Rachel, I love the way you express, bringing a scientific view into the conversation about death, and I agree with you that “Blogs and comments like this are so important because they change the conversation about death and start to break down the wall we have constructed around it.”
Thank you Rachel for your comment. It feels as though one problem we often have about death is that we think we are God and can interfere with the endless cycle of birth and death rather than accepting the truth and realising that with this cycle we are offered the most amazing opportunities to change our lives in a way that is beautiful and forever evolving back to our essence. Or as you have quoted from Rosie’s blog ‘ dancing to the eternal rhythm of a harmonious and divine beat that constantly calls us to know and understand that life has no end, and no beginning’.
Written in pure grace Adam. In avoiding death, we also avoid life, and self-responsibility. Knowing that death is inevitable, would we not reflect deeper at our purpose of being here and what that means on a day to day basis? And that perhaps it is not just this life but the many more we have had and will have. Perhaps we would realise that life is not a linear line with a beginning and an end but part of an ongoing cycle, of which death is an inevitable part not of an end but of a return.
..’false memories consume our thoughts and keep us bound to a past that is no longer ours.’ The falseness is exactly what you share here Adam – a lack of full expression and appreciation. The fullness we feel is withheld because of our own hurts and limitations. Your reflections are powerful and very provocative. Our examination of death and what it means in our natural life cycle is virtually taboo when we see what celebration, marketing and adoration goes with the birth of another human being. When we begin to reflect on, question and discuss the meaning of a life lived in the context of cycles and how they always (emphasis) return, then we will celebrate the life cycle according to how someone has evolved themselves understood lived their unique expression and equal place on the planet and in the universe. Everything matters and every part of us matters. We are the matter .
Hi Adam I love what you have written here. It is a whole blog in itself. You have covered a lot of ground particularly with grief. This is such an important and valid point
“And one of our greatest revelations is often how we hold back expressing our true un-contained affection for another until they have passed over, and we are suddenly consumed with the grief of what we have lost. Of course, such grief never is for those who have died, if we assess things with clarity. It is, in truth, our grief – our grief that we held back expressing how we truly felt”
And here I love how you describe so eloquently the stories we hold onto and use to hurt ourselves and others. “. . .we hold onto that which can no longer be, and even worse, live in the illusory memory that what is no more once was, and so false memories consume our thoughts and keep us bound to a past that is no longer ours” Thank you
Those question you raise Adam and worth deeply pondering for they ask us to question the beliefs that we have on death and dying and what it truly is. What it is, is a part of life and we live in a way that often ignores this, until we are in a situations where it is staring us in the face and we have to deal with it. One thing you have said rings so true Adam “such grief never is for those who have died, if we assess things with clarity. It is, in truth, our grief – our grief that we held back expressing how we truly felt. It is our grief, knowing that such a relationship was not lived in the fullness that was offered by such constellation”. This applies to the whole of our lives, not just the time where our bodies die, but is most felt at this time if we have not lived and shared our lives to the full.
I love your poetic writing Adam on how death is just one part of a bigger cycle, and a marker or point of reflection where we have the opportunity to express fully in our relationships. Death is also a point which can make us ponder are we part of an eternal cycle which has no end or beginning.
A great point, Adam. Why the fear and grief if we really believe in what we say we believe in? It is our grief that we held back expressing how we truly felt; knowing that such a relationship was not lived in the fullness that was offered by such constellation. Beautifully put. Thank you.
Thank you Adam, this has brought me much clarity in understanding death. It is the ultimate time when we are faced with the choices we have made, and most immanently as you have described; the relationships which we have had, if we have been holding back and not expressing the fullness of what that life could be. And this is just awesome: “Life, meanwhile, continues to blossom on our doorstep, dancing to the eternal rhythm of a harmonious and divine beat that constantly calls us to know and understand that life has no end, and no beginning.”
Adam thank you for allowing me to come to a deeper understanding why we grieve at funerals- grief is us holding back expressing how we truly felt. ” it is grief knowing that such a relationship was not lived in the fullness that was offered by such constellation”
‘Life, meanwhile, continues to blossom on our doorstep, dancing to the eternal rhythm of a harmonious and divine beat that constantly calls us to know and understand that life has no end, and no beginning.’ What a beautiful understanding, Adam, thank you. I agree with you, in that we spend so much of life with the fear of dying and also not truly living, instead of seeing in each moment the opportunities presented for ‘dancing to the eternal rhythm of a harmonious and divine beat…’ Yes we are eternal, so nothing is ever lost, only diminished or delayed when we don’t appreciate the beauty of our beingness and live it in the fullness of what that truly means.
Hi Adam,I can feel the words in your awesome comment to Rosie’s blog are filled with such loving wisdom and awareness and on reflecting on all those that I have known that have passed over these words seem to jangle due to their truth “And one of our greatest revelations is often how we hold back expressing our true un-contained affection for another until they have passed over, and we are suddenly consumed with the grief of what we have lost.” I find that specifically as a revelation, as I would have to say that it has not been until I met Serge Benhayon and began attending the presentations of Universal Medicine that my deeper awareness that I held suppressed for all of these years about ‘not’ expressing or sharing ‘true’ feelings have been real and valid – and I question, why is this so? What is wrong with us as human beings – what has such a hold over us that we are so hesitant to lovingly and confidently share that true love that is within us all. What a price we have paid and are still paying for our holding back on our true expression, and who or what benefits from such a lack of what some may say would be a commitment to truly living, but choosing unwittingly to live an emotional based life. I’m not sure I remember many of these times that I experienced as a true celebration of the life of the one departed, nor the true celebration of the wisdom that it is ‘not the end’. I thank God that I am learning, and remembering through grace that we are just going around and around again and again – coming back to continue to correct that which needs to be corrected bringing us home once again to the divine love from which we all originally came from – wow!
Wow this is such a beautiful and astute addition to the article Adam. Much food for thought written with deep understanding. Death and dying has always been denied in our family even when we lost my brother. We all went our separate ways to deal with it. There were no true family discussions or much mention of my brother after it. All just brushed under the carpet. It feels like a massive opportunity missed there to embrace it more and ourselves.
Irena having just read your comment to Rosie’s beautiful blog, I can barely imagine what it must have been like for yourself and your family in as you say ‘denying’ the passing over of your brother. It would seem to me that this anguish and hurt must by all accounts be still held somewhere in the body as a result of brushing the event under the carpet so to speak.
How glorious it is that Rosie has shared her account and experience of a friend passing – not just ‘lost’, but with a definite and chosen pathway home. A very different experience when compared to those who fear the inevitable ebbing of life as we know it as a human being. I thank God that Serge Benhayon, through the Ageless Wisdom Teachings has given us the opportunity to see there is another way to view and to truly comprehend what is going on with us here on earth at this time in all our various forms of dysfunction to bring about true healing through Love.
“Death puts things in perspective” – absolutely, and in that offers us an opportunity that is so grand, and so unique. Without death we could become lost to the humdrum, day to day normal that we have accepted when life is about so much more. Death is a powerful reminder of this.
There’s so much here in what you have shared Adam. I can certainly relate to this: ‘our greatest revelation is often how we hold back expressing our true un-contained affection for another until they have passed over, and we are suddenly consumed with the grief of what we have lost’. I expressed the same at my sister’s memorial gathering: ‘Why wait until someone dies to speak of them glowingly and lovingly, tell them while they are alive ’.
Adam this is beautifully and powerfully expressed with the clarity and wisdom of a true philosopher and could be the basis of another amazing blog if you feel to write it.
As you say the cycles are endlessly offering us opportunities to live differently than previously done so.
“Life, meanwhile, continues to blossom on our doorstep, dancing to the eternal rhythm of a harmonious and divine beat that constantly calls us to know and understand that life has no end, and no beginning”.
Life is but a cycle. Once we fully live our life the end can only be a celebration! As you have said Adam it is time for us to see how we have lived or not lived sometimes only when presented with the death of someone close to us.
It was deeply inspiring Adam to read your words which so deeply and beautifully express what so many are now beginning to see as the truth.
I agree with you Adam, there is nothing like death to bring a dose of reality and it’s interesting to note that in the face of death many of our most pressing daily concerns become irrelevant. As you say it is what has true value that comes to the fore at this most precious time.
What a fabulous explanation into the grief that surrounds death and those that have already passed away. When we realise that it is our own grief from not having expressed in full as ourselves with that person, all becomes clear. It makes sense. As you say our responses do not tend to reflect our beliefs. I love the fact that there is another way, one where the life of another can be celebrated in full, and one which brings our beliefs in line with what we feel.
Adam I love what you have expressed here. (A blog in itself, perhaps?!). This line “Death is the most inevitable part of life, and we choose to ignore its immanent coming, instead looking at it for the most part with with fear and disdain” really spoke to me. As I was reading this i could feel that in the ignoring of death, there is also a rush and a haste to get the most out of life… kind of like a child at a party, knowing it’s almost time to go – they buzz about trying to get the most fun out of it while they still can, jamming a few more lollies in their mouth as they walk out the door. Of course, there are spectrums, this example is at one end… and no doubt there is the other end of the spectrum whereby a child might sulk sullenly in the corner, unhappy about the fact the party is about to end.
When we fail to see life as a constant cycle, we are greedy, careless, wreckless, selfish and totally indulgent. Or perhaps at the opposite end of the spectrum – using the sullen, sulky child as the example – we are defeated, hopeless, given up, dragging our feet through each day, wondering what the point of it all is.
In both cases, our behaviours are all part of ignoring that death is coming. We are ignoring the inevitable and trying to avoid it’s coming – or avoid feeling the truth of the fact that it is indeed coming…. and avoiding feeling what that actually means.. because if we allowed ourself to feel all of this, it raises the bigger questions in life – ‘why are we here, if we all die in the end?’ … ‘Who am I?’… ‘Where did we come from?’ … ‘What’s it all about?’
If we can see though that life is a cycle, with moments and points that we come back to time and time again, we would allow ourselves to feel all of this… that life and death is a cycle… and that we can make choices that set us up for the next moment in those cycles.
Awesome comment Adam. It’s so true that the grief is grief at the knowing that we did not fulfil the potential of that relationship – that we didn’t express in full how we felt about that person while they were alive. Grief is so tied up in regret.
I love the wisdom in your comment Adam. I find any ending in life has the potential to bring up extreme emotions and feeling of desperation and regret when one is faced with the wasted window of opportunity. When that window of opportunity shows our lack of connecting in our truth and absolute love, as does death, all the more painful.
I also love the poignant ending sentence of the comment “Life, meanwhile, continues to blossom on our doorstep, dancing to the eternal rhythm of a harmonious and divine beat that constantly calls us to know and understand that life has no end, and no beginning.” So true and so beautifully expressed.
Adam you pose great questions in your opening paragraph that I had never thought about. They do indeed highlight how our approach to death and our beliefs don’t match up.
Thanks Adam for your words, “Death puts things in perspective”, how true this statement is and when you sit with someone who is dying this fact is so evident. To be surrounded by people who hold you in love is I feel the great gift you can give to a person in the dying faze as their greatest gift to you is one of total acceptance and surrender of the passing over process. I experienced this with the passing over of my own Mum and Dad. Just to witness their letting go into a knowing that all will be well, even though my awareness (thirty plus years ago) of re-incarnation was not as clear as it is today. I have since had the opportunity to be with many people prior and in their passing over process. Truly a celebration of joy.
“It is our grief, knowing that such a relationship was not lived in the fullness that was offered by such constellation.” This is earth shattering Adam and deeply beautiful. It is divine order that brings us together so, and yet we measure our expression of God with each other in every way. What a tragedy this is, and source of grief exposed. Thank you.
Hi Adam, I love your comment and what you are sharing here.
I was misdiagnosed and thought I only had 5 years to live and it is true, the things that used to matter really didn’t and that time gave me the opportunity to stop and appreciate what I had. And I agree, the grief from not expressing and from holding back our love is massive and we often really give ourselves a hard time about this, like we beat ourselves up for not doing this or that when he person was alive.
Adam, this is so true what you say about the grief we experience when someone dies “It is, in truth, our grief – our grief that we held back expressing how we truly felt”. I see this over and over again when someone is dying and a big part of the healing that occurs for people is when they suddenly start to express what they have felt for decades but have never dared to say. And what is often surprising is that the thing that people hold back on the most is expressing their love. In the end it is not about our hurts or our grievances with another, all that matters is just how much we loved them.
Elizabeth that is my experience when my father passed over. All I could feel was the essence of him and the immense love, care, commitment and loyalty he gave to everything. All the other stuff that I had reacted to dropped away, and I saw the enormous potential that I had not allowed myself to previously feel. But I was blessed to have the time to really connect with him before he died so although waves of sadness washed over me at times, it was not that deep, debilitating grief. Now another family member is ill, and I’ve had to feel the holding back and find ways to express my love … holding back is far too painful to sustain.
Thank you Anne for your comment and in particular these words ‘I saw the enormous potential that I had not allowed myself to previously feel’. This allows us to see the person in their essence and to appreciate and understand not only the other person but ourselves and others. Death offers us a moment of reflection not only on the life of the person who has passed over but on all of life and death and the cycle that we have been offered to bring us back to a greater understanding of our great and forever evolving universe. Each detail of our life is given a new perspective when someone passes over – it allows us to connect with our family and to let go of the past and to see ourselves and others as one in our experience of life and death.
A very valid point Adam, why are funerals such solemn events in the Anglican and Catholic Churches if the person that has died has now gone to ‘meet his maker’??? It tells me that the beliefs of going to Heaven after death are simply a hope that this is the case, perhaps having your fingers crossed throughout your life. If there truly was a deep knowing that there was no other possibility other than Heaven, death wouldn’t be the scary, fearful experience it is for so many, even overtly religious people; it would be a party.
This is an amazing comment Adam. Laying bare something else that might be going on with our approach to death that to me, signifies the deep grief that most people live their life with. As you have said why have grief if we are either ending an ephemeral moment, going to heaven or returning, unless what is being triggered is a reminder that we are not living life in full, in joy, in love.
You express great wisdom here, Adam. As a child I could never understand why Christians grieved at death if heaven was such a marvelous place to be going. In time I came to realise that it was the grieving person own loss and pain that they were suffering and not actual grief for the dead person. With the understanding of reincarnationthe whole approach to death and dying changes and with that one’s whole approach to life. By appreciating we return again and again brings an awareness of the responsibility we have for the consequences of our choices we make in our life and how we die is a result of those choices.
What I felt, Adam, after my very close friend died in our home and I cried about daily for a while was – you are right – not that my friend passed over. Although I missed her presence and companionship. I rather felt joyful that she was able to die exactly how and where she wanted and that we could support her in that. What a blessing for her and all around her.
No, when I cried I felt it had not much to do with her but it often felt like being an old pain from long ago of being left. Even crying then could be kind of joyful when I allowed myself to feel it and express it without hanging on to a big old story. It was a healing and passed.
This is a revolutionary sharing of such immense possibilities. Imagine if people in the world were supported with the level of love and care described here as they approached their time of death. It is almost a taboo to speak about death even today. This article offers another way that is rarely even conceived of. Thank you Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon.
I agree Heather, just now on the news it was saying how the minimum wage has been increased for carers in this country (UK) but now how the care homes are panicking because they cannot afford this. This makes care about money, struggle and stress; not about the true care, love and support Rosie has shared here. Everyone deserves this level of care.
Yes Vicky, when care has a price, it’s not truly care. As Rosie shares here, coming together as a community to support someone who is dying sounds like a wonderful model. In order for that to work, we must open up the conversation about dying so that there is less fear surrounding the subject. Blogs like this are a great start.
Your words, Heather, “This article offers another way that is rarely even conceived of.” are so true. There is much to be felt and understood within this article. It is much needed to begin to break the current way we deal with and see the death and dying process.
Yes Heather death is still a big taboo. If I and my relatives, had known about Universal Medicine 20 years ago when my mum passed away from terminal illness, her last months would have been very different. Life and death are part of the same cycle so we need to talk a lot more about this very important and inevitable subject.
The other thing it takes away is the heaviness of sympathy and the emotions that we can get caught up with, as family, friends or professionals. There is a lightness that can be offered in such a time that can truly hold someone in love and compassion to support the lightness and fragility that one can feel.
I agree Heather, death is taboo – and the possibility of it being a loving, healing process is almost unheard of. I actually haven’t heard of or known of someone to die in such a beautiful, supportive way as Rosie has described.
Me neither! This was my first time and such an amazing time that I just had to share it.. I want us all to talk about it and make this the new norm.
I agree Heather, although I wouldnt say its almost a taboo to talk about to death but actually it straight is! And through not talking about death and expressing what is going on then we are just staying stuck in our old ways and all the emotions and illness that surrounds death continues
That would be really wonderful if people were supported with love and care as they approached their time of death. For me that would mean that we would all are not so afraid of death anymore. With that dying would then be really a more normal part of our lives.
Jane I agree that the level of love of care in this story is indeed ground breaking but what a dreadful reflection that is on how most people currently die. That people can die alone, unsupported, in fear, in places that they don’t want to die, without people there that they want with them, in ways that they don’t want to die is nothing short of tragic. Death is a sacred part of life and deserves to be honoured, cherished and a sacred part of our culture.
Yes Alexis, with this way being shown and talked about it really does expose what we have been accepting and death is a sacred part of life and deserves to be honoured and cherished for sure.
What a beautiful sharing, thank you Rosie. I love this part “For her, there was no fear of death or dying and no giving up either – it was just an acceptance and surrender to the process and the cycle of life and death” this feels like a beautiful way to die no fear, only acceptance and surrender.
I agree Bianca and Rosie – just a very – being at one with what is – moment. thank you Rosie, just beautiful.
The not giving up part I feel is significant as this can be misconstrued with surrendering. Surrendering comes with an acceptance whereas giving up is just that, giving up!
Absolutely Robyn, two totally different concepts all together!
Yes Robyn, giving up is when you just let go and leave things for another to sort out where as acceptance is the part where you want to take care of your affairs to the best of your ability and that you are still taking care of yourself. Then it is easy to surrender, knowing that everything is complete.
Imagine what a difference it would make if everyone knew that there was a “beautiful way to die” rather than the horror stories, and avoidance that so often comes following a terminal diagnosis.
It would make a massive difference and everyone would probably Love to have this level of care and support when dying.
Yes Vicki the level of care and support given to this woman would have supported her greatly in surrendering to the cycle of death and feeling the enormous level of love that she was surrounded by.
Yes exactly, and it takes away the fear of dying all together.
Great Simon, what a difference it would make. Society seems to believe that death is a horror story to be avoided. But is it only a belief? what if there is a beautiful way to die? This experience made it feel like something to look forward to.
If we all keep sharing our stories, and slowly breaking the old pattern of believing that death is a horror story, our children will have different stories to tell. We are all responsible for changing or re creating the stories.
Well said Rosie. The current prevailing attitude to death in our culture is reasonably modern. There are fashions in these things, and I feel a lot of the current attitudes are derived from religion, especially the Catholic approach which does have an element of fear around ‘meeting the maker’. What has been written can be re-written in truth.
True Simon, the experiences with death or dying are to a very large scale horrific stories and suffering. There is another way, even when a serious disease is at play. But this way as described by Rosie needs to be explored and understood yet by most of the people.
It would be such a shift for all of us, Simon. We are so unprepared for how life ends, and what to do when it does. We get pumped full of the idea that dying is to be avoided at all costs, and yet it is what we can all count on coming to each of us. How amazing would it be if acceptance of what death and dying can offer to ourselves and to others was taught to us? This does not mean glorifying death or hoping to die sooner than another, but as such an important part of life by not respecting it we are truly missing out.
This is truly beautiful a very precious beholding of a person and their choices.
I agree, Bianca – it feels beautiful… very natural, still and full of ease.
Yes, that feels amazing, the acceptance of that life has an end feels very important.
Me too I love this part thank you for sharing.
Acceptance and surrendering are very important qualities.
Katie I agree that fears around dying relates to “what has not yet been lived” and perhaps this is not about the bucket list of achievement, but about a quality of living which naturally unfolds into dying.
I agree, this is a very beautiful thing for someone to not fear death but surrender it. There becomes no struggle with passing over for the person.
Bianca, I agree, such a beautiful acceptance and surrender, allowing the natural process cycle of life and death. With this way of being there is no fear of death, just an open acceptance.
Beautiful comment Elizabeth. I can feel how much easier the cycle of life and death is when we embrace the qualities of acceptance and surrender throughout our lives.
Rosie thank you for sharing this truly amazing time you shared with your friends its deeply felt what you offered your friend during her last year with us. This conversation is one that needs to grow and open up more so people can see the grace and also the beauty in the cycles of life and death.
My experience of death and Dying has always been very heavy and inline with the catholic religion, My Aunt is currently in her last few weeks of life and i feel the heaviness of the process from my family already, there is nothing but sadness and regret.
I am observing this process and will bring all of me to help support and be with them without the attached emotion.
So true Andrew bringing your steady, tender and loving self will be of tremendous support to your family.
Rosie it is really important what you have shared about your friend so gracefully embracing her impending death. I had an experience with the passing of my own mother where she had a level of acceptance about her impending death as well as maintaining her dignity although she passed in a palliative care unit. I felt truly blessed by the experience. This is a conversation that needs to be had openly as I feel many of us are still quite afraid of dying.
I agree Sharon, and the fear that surrounds death, often unspoken, unexpressed and kept under wraps until it’s right here before us, is a tragedy. As I’ve been reading Rosie’s blog and the comments I’ve been reflecting on how this avoidance and fear of death covers up something deeper. It’s like we want to numb ourselves from the truth about death and so we also have to numb ourselves from life itself. We live with an attitude of ‘damn it, I’ll do what I want when I want because I’ve only got this life, it’s mine and that’s that.” We make it all about ourselves and not the all, because underlying everything is our fear that one day we will no longer be here, that one day we will die and no longer have ‘this life’. In embracing the truth about death we inevitably embrace a much bigger truth, that life and death are forever cyclical and that it has never been about this ‘one life’, but about something much much grander that we are all a part of.
Absolutely Katerina many live life and I certainly did as if there was no reincarnation. Even though I knew that reincarnation was real well before anyone spoke to me about it, I still lived and often still do as if I can get away with anything I want to do. Rather than taking responsibility for how I am in every breath, the beauty afforded when we do make life about the whole is amazing and so magical it baffles me why we would be so stubborn at holding onto the “my life”.
Great response to this blog Katerina, I like what you are raising here and asking us to contemplate. Is it that we choose to numb ourselves to death because we don’t want to see the bigger picture? If we entertain the idea that we are here for more than 1 life, then this opens up a whole range of possibilities and responsibilities that quite often we don’t want to know about it.
I have been contemplating. If many of us don’t accept reincarnation as true, then why do we take such pains in numbing ourselves from not feeling this life, and that we carry everything we say, do or think into the next life. Maybe innately we DO know that reincarnation is true but don’t want to face the reality of our responsibility in the knowing what harm we have done to ourselves. After all, we must know that we cannot run away from anything. Our lives are the sum total of EVERYTHING that we have ever done from ALL of our past lives and this seems to be too much for some to bear.
Of the people know who say once you do that’s it, they really don’t want to consider dying. They tell me they don’t want the finality they believe is there and the regret of not making it the best life ever.
But what would have made it the best life ever? To have travelled more? What are those regrets they pressurise themselves with? I can only speak for myself and that is to say my regrets would be not living the love that i know i am.
But this dissolves when i allow myself to surrender to the love we are held in always. So no need to hide from our past or from being truly present. This blog shows how grace-full dying can be if we allow it to be so.
Sandra, what you say here caught my attention: ‘Maybe innately we DO know that reincarnation is true but don’t want to face the reality of our responsibility’. I feel this is true for how can we see the cycles of nature around us and still hold on to a linear finality of this life? It must be because we are avoiding the responsibility that we would have to accept if we were to embrace reincarnation.
Sandra that reminds me of the saying ‘ignorance is bliss’. If I bury my head in the sand it won’t happen to me. If I live life in denial of its true meaning then I’ll not be accountable for the consequences of my choices. And then if disease does make an unexpected appearance where does that leave me – a victim of cruel fate? I choose to work with the cycles and learn from what is reflected, I embrace the opportunity to truly live to the full NOW in harmony with my cycle.
I know that saying “ignorance is bliss”, and how to turn a “blind eye” for I have done it over and over again to avoid taking responsibility. I have often felt like I am a victim of a cruel fate like you mention Anne, but can now clearly see that I am responsible for where I am today and for every choice I made or didn’t make. Not making the choice was still a choice!
This raises an important point Sandra – if we actually know exactly how to avoid these conversations (whether it be about death, dying, reincarnation etc) – could it be that we must also know deep within, the truth…? Could it be that we have mastered the art of irresponsibility, only because we innately know the exact opposite and what true responsibility is…!
When we are ready to accept the reality of reincarnation it makes such sense of life. However, it feels that until we are willing to accept responsibility for how we have lived and the impact this has had on both ourselves and others we feel free to continue the abuse of not being responsible. As you say Sandra we take such pains to numb ourselves and avoid the truth of what we know deep down and it’s only when we stop the numbing that we realise that we do have options and choices and begin to free ourselves from being a victim of life. It feels so much more empowering to know that I can change and that by making different choices I can support others as well as myself – and so much more expansive and vital when I can live my life knowing that we are forever evolving and redefining ourselves and our lives as we all evolve together.
Yes I agree Katerina & Robyn, thinking it is avoiding making someone uncomfortable to talk about death and dying is not going deep enough. It seems to me this time of life is one where enormous reflection is possible… of the life you have led, choices made, love expressed, or not as is most often the case, opportunities to heal missed, values disregarded etc. And much of this is not so easy to feel as the consequences are not just our own emptiness and loss, but feeling the impact on others around us. But the pity is, that inherent in this process, which can be done at any time on life, is the ability to re-connect to what is important, and to call an end to life-long patterns that didn’t or don’t serve. And then the cycle of life, which Rosie has so beautifully referred to, is no longer a repeating one, but an evolving one. Interesting to ponder the possibility that this is what evolution refers to in truth, and not to our supposed ascent from apes.
What Katerina points out is both enticing and imprisoning -that we only have this life – this certainly makes us think, make decisions and live far less than what Jenny Ellis has described. Living as if this is the only life for many creates a pressure to achieve, ‘to make something of oneself’ and for some it might lead to depression about having to fit it all in and the weight of getting things done and time passing all the while as Jenny points out, missing out on evolution and what is important at the end of each day, which can turn into a week, then a month, a year, decades and a life time. Now that’s an ouch.
Reading your comment Deanne, brings back memories of when I was a teenager and was very depressed at the thought of death. I used to feel that life was futile and what was the point. It was a horrible place to be. It made me ponder greatly about life and I knew that there must be another way and this one life just could not be it, after all, what would be the point. I can understand why some people want to achieve as much as they can and not take responsibility for their actions, believing that they won’t be here to pick up the pieces. For me now, after listening to Serge Benhayons’ presententations, I do not have the same fear of death at all, in fact talking about it out in the open actually helps dispel these fears even further. How can there be death when we are made of energy anyway, energy is never destroyed, it is only the physical body that ‘dies’ into another realm of existence. Maybe, it is just the unknown we are afraid of.
This is gorgeous wisdom Jenny. “It seems to me this time of life is one where enormous reflection is possible… of the life you have led, choices made, love expressed, or not as is most often the case, opportunities to heal missed, values disregarded etc” Beautifully Summed up. I have read somewhere once that the thing most people say they regret when faced with death is that they hadn’t lived a life true to themselves. How powerful is this time then If we understand the cycle of life/reincarnation.
Exactly Harrison, when we understand and accept the cycle of life/reincarnation, it allows for far great responsibility to be taken for what we choose to carry forward into the next one. To let go life being about achieving something outwardly, but evolving inwardly (first) is a complete about-face for the way things currently are.
So true Katerina – growing up in a Christian household the truth of life after death was always reinforced, however, the fact that everyone got so sad when somebody died didn’t make sense – if someone we love was headed to ‘heaven’ why would we feel so devastated when they were no longer living? ‘Going to heaven’ always felt like something people just said to themselves to take away the pain. I used to wonder if it was the uncertainty that made people (including me) so sad… i.e. what if the deceased was not ‘good enough’ to get past the pearly gates and went somewhere much warmer instead. Lately I have been feeling that the sadness that accompanies death has more to do with the realisation that we do not live our lives expressing love in full. Death reminds us that nothing stays the same and we must express the love we feel in the moment.
Leonne – thank you for elucidating the contradiction between the sadness one might feel over another’s passing even when there is a knowing and trust that there is an afterlife -a freedom from physical form and even heaven. From personal experience of the sadness that accompanies death I would say you have hit the nail on the head – an awareness of love held back, of love not lived in many moments.
I have felt the same Leonne. Well said. The fact that we will die, if truly seen ‘square on’ and not obfuscated from – as we are so wont to do – asks us, “What are we waiting for?”
And I say this not from the seeking to fulfil a ‘bucket list’ – which surely is but a complete obfuscation (in the main) – but ‘what are we waiting for’ in regards to loving in full and committing our all to this very life in full? This is something that could be contemplated every single day.
You have a point there Victoria. What would we ask ourselves if we found that that today was our last day on earth? I would probably panic because I had not been living as lovingly as I could, and I am sure many of humanity would agree, and be saddened that they had ‘put off being more loving’ until a later date that may never arrive. Therefore, not taking responsibility for the present, which in reality is the only thing that exists.
Yes, and this expressing love everyday is something I am working on and after reading a lot of these comments I can see how important that is. I feel that it would be great to talk to a lot of people who are nearing death and ask them… learn from them… what is it that they miss most …. It seems to me that if it is love is the major player here and one that we miss so very often in the busy lives we live these days.
Let not just make our lives about function and reaching goals, but lets make it about what matters and what we all are wanting more than anything. Love.
Yes indeed. “What are we waiting for in regards to loving in full and commiting our all to this very life in full?” Absolutely well expressed!
‘Let not just make our lives about function and reaching goals, but lets make it about what matters and what we all are wanting more than anything. Love.’
Well said Rosie. I had a pattern of getting through the day, completing tasks for recognition/surviving and then resting at the end of the day – trying to return to me when no-one was looking. I even applied this to the task of life creating struggle and drama to distract from the empty and sad I felt. Now I am practicing bringing the light I am into what I do.
Leonne- I too often wondered why so much grieving was felt by all the family and relatives of the deceased when the Christian faith believes the dead will go to heaven.
It does indeed feel like the deep sadness is the knowing that we have not been living our life in our true fullness. A great daily reminder.
I agree Loretta, a few of my friends have died recently and the sadness I felt in those occasions was knowing that we had not lived in full the love that was evidently there between us. Both occasions were a pertinent reminder for me to appreciate my relationships with all around and live them in full.
Yes I agree Leonne, the “going to heaven” phrase is often said to avoid feeling pain and that your losing someone. “Lately I have been feeling that the sadness that accompanies death has more to do with the realisation that we do not live our lives expressing love in full” how true. And I often feel that death would be a time of ultimate reflection, we have been in a body for 60 + years and here we are… what have my choices truly been?
Reflecting on the choices we have made can be difficult at times but only if we judge ourselves and have a right or wrong belief system. I know for sure that I have been an expert at giving myself a hard time rather than accepting and not beating myself for some of the crazy choices that I have made in the past.
Beautiful Leonne, ‘Death reminds us that nothing stays the same and we must express the love we feel in the moment.’ Working with elderly people i have learnt this, that we can pass away at any time and that it is important to express what we feel to each other. It was almost as if I thought life would carry on the same forever and I just kind of took it for granted, but when the people I’m working with pass away it reminds me that life does change and so to appreciate life, myself, my health and the people in my life.
Reading your comment Rebecca makes it so clear how important it is to express our appreciation and our love to others every day and not wait till it is too late. If you feel it and then not express it, everyone misses out. Why wait for another opportunity when the opportunity is right there before you.
I agree Rebecca. Rather than write tributes and eulogies when a person dies, better to show appreciation and express your love while still alive.
I agree Leonne, “…Lately I have been feeling that the sadness that accompanies death has more to do with the realization that we do not live our lives expressing love in full.” Love is the only thing that is important, it is our foundation and we often seem to realize this in the end, when it is not possible (physically) to be in the doing and when we realize we cannot control anything in life. We only just are. We are then confronted with what quality we have lived life in. And that quality is about how much love we have lived.
It is sad but true that as we approach death for many there are feelings of regret and death does act as a reminder of many things. It is a moment of reflection, of repose and preparation and in life we will have experienced many of these without dying. I feel the feeling of regret is due to our inner knowing that this is the case and that we have ignored the opportunities in life to see the truth in relation to what we know deep down and to learn from it; we are here to be and express the love that we are in all that we do.
Leonne I’d never picked up on that point before, that the promise of heaven and a better ‘life’ did not give the mourners a sense of relief … my first experience of death was a grandfather, and on the eve of his death we had an in-depth conversation about death and religion – the first time I’d talked to any adult about such things. Little did I know that was his last night on this planet, but it was an honest connection between us that left a sense of completion. Because of this I did not need to attend the funeral and was able to support another family member who for some reason unknown & unimportant to me was not up to attending the funeral, but had travelled far to be with the family in support, and did not want to be left alone.
Great discussion about how ‘this life’ is not what it is all about. That it does in fact go much deeper and beyond this and that absolutely everything is connected. In this we are taking responsibility for our part of the whole and in doing so harmony occurs. When a life lived in this way it can embrace and celebrate the end of one life as it knows that the natural cycle is to return to what they have lived previously.
I love what you have written hear Katerina because it sums up the massive consciousness, or old ideals and beliefs around life and death, that ‘we just have this one life so I will do what I please’ and an unspoken (or spoken) fear around death. This does not allow us to feel the truth within of what we know about both life and death that, as you say it is in fact far grander that we are all part of and forever cyclical.
So true Vicky. Probably it is this never-ending cycle that deep within we all do feel, that is causing the fear of death, which is so widespread.
We fear death because we know that we often have refused to choose what would have been loving and supportive. Out of our comfort, we have refused to take our responsibility. When death is nearing it becomes obvious for many that it is the choices they have made that they will be carrying to their next life.
If we have the courage to become fully honest, observe what we are truly up to and from there make choices from a place of love and responsibility a fear of death will not occur, as we know that we will take the foundation we have build within us, from life to life.
Great comment Katerina, where you have really stressed the focus Rosie eludes to about how we live and that there is a way to live life where there is no holding on at death. Such a way of life is feeling complete within oneself and that the physical body is a vehicle and not all that we are and this one life is not all that there may be.
It makes sense to me that if we are all energy, connected by a consciousness, and our bodies are just a vessel for that energy, then how can there be any death at all, apart from the ‘death’ of the physical body. We may not want to leave our loved ones, but they are just another facet of the same consciousness too as there is no separation, so really no one ever gets left behind, as there is no ‘behind’ because we are all going round and round in circles to meet each other again and again. Something to consider.
Absolutely Katerina, ‘In embracing the truth about death we inevitably embrace a much bigger truth, that life and death are forever cyclical and that it has never been about this ‘one life’, but about something much much grander that we are all a part of.’ This gives us the opportunity to reflect on what is important in life, and patterns that have not been about service and love.
Spot on Katerina and the underlying factor here you have written clearly about is responsibility from first breath to last and beyond. Is it possible that we have crafted and supported death to be a certain way so that it always is so foreboding – the final chapter? It is these lies that hold us so rooted in the spot – how often do people bury someone from disease and then go and mourn with food and drink that add to disease in the first place? This is typical of our clear lack of responsibility that we have to ourselves and as you have underlined to the ALL.
Dear Lee- this snippet you wrote “Is it possible that we have crafted and supported death to be a certain way so that it always is so foreboding – the final chapter?” is superb. Rather than just observing how we tiptoe around death could we have actually masterminded and crafted it to be a mystery? I find it strange that even in high school final year biology the stages of death and dying are not part of the curriculum – at least not when I was at school. It is in fact not the kind of information one comes across unless they go looking – unlike child birth we do not even witness the typical stages of death and dying in movies- it is usually made sudden, dramatic, often cheapening the lost life and one step removed from reality to not push our buttons. Thanks Lee, seeing our attitudes towards death as something crafted, not something people are victims of and to remind me this topic is deliberately swept under the carpet- by most people- it’s been our choice. I am fascinated to understand death – not what happens after it but how the dying person and remaining loved ones can heal through this cycle. This includes end of life care and how it is managed.
I agree Deanne, the dying process is a fascinating one and something we will all have to pass through. It needs to be demystified and brought out into the open because it is a very natural part of life. I have been privileged to be around a few people with terminal illnesses, closely involved with a couple and just visiting with others, the amazing insights and conversations we have been able to have, have been very enriching. Also to observe what happens to the body and what the process of letting go of the body can be for some, the deep surrender I have witnessed has been beautiful. All in all a subject and experience there is much to learn from and it is all about Love.
“Is it possible that we have crafted and supported death to be a certain way so that it always is so foreboding – the final chapter?” Lee I love this sentence. There is so often much drama around death and dying, the sympathy pours in, there is moment of headline angst & stardom, with unspoken thoughts of ‘poor you, you’re about to lose a loved one, I’m so relieved it is you not me’, especially with the dreaded cancer disease … and yet the experience Rosie describes was a gentle coming together to support someone to deeply honour their own passing from one cycle to another.
Yes, yes yes… I love what you have written here Katerina. It’s like if we accept one part, we have to look at the bigger picture… and I agree, it is not just about us, it is about all of us.
I agree Sharon, I feel there is a significant amount of fear around dying and what happens next or afterwards. To surrender to the ‘unknown’ can be challenging at the best of times but is certainly at the fore when faced with dying.
Yes, our fear may be strongly related to how much we think this is our one and only life. The more I feel there are multiple lives, the less afraid I become of death. There is now almost a sense of excitement as it will be quite different.
I agree Christoph, I have been spending time with someone who is dying and the fears that come in the process for this person are from the thought that this is the only life. There is not a knowing of the next life and so the end of this one is ominous, the last chance. If you couple that with what we are faced with as dying approaches, that we have not lived lovingly in our relationships and have not followed our innermost in life, then this is a moment of angst as it would appear that there is no evolution back to what we inherently know in our beings we do return to, love.
Fear of letting go of all that we have known and identified with, particularly the body, is terrifying if we don’t have a sense of the love that is within us. I have noticed that those close to me who have died have been through a process as they approach death of a deeper and deeper acceptance and letting go of all that they may have been identified with in this life. So I feel that the natural process of death, if surrendered to, allows our passage into the ‘unknown’.
It makes sense Josephine, that we will be able to let go of so much we think is so majorly important, but when dying, only the love that was shared matters. I feel quite at peace with dying, but feel we can never really know how we will react when it’s at the door. Of course, knowing deep within, that the who we truly are within will always go on, is a huge help. The body is just our vehicle for this lifetime; and when that’s over, it’s time to move on.
Beautifully said Josephine. We are all equipped with the ability to die gracefully – surrendering to the process is all that is required, and loving people around us who allow and support that process of surrender is a blessing.
There is a massive consciousness around death and going into the unknown, it’s like we fear something we have already done in past lives. So the world has crammed us with the belief that death is unknown because there is no hard evidence about it and that death is the end.
I supported my mother and sister as their bodies died 4 months apart. There was a huge difference in how my mother accepted her life ending with as much dignity as she could, whereas my sister who was much younger did not get to this acceptance partly because her impending death was not communicated to her even though it was obvious. That said. I was with my sister at the end holding her in a deep love as she finally let go and it was a beautiful moment of surrender.
Thank you for that beautiful sharing Sharon. And I am now realising that we can hold others deeply in that love even without the physical contact.
Reading that last beautiful line Sharon I realised how much we fight and hold on to so many things. To let go and surrender to anything is something we rarely do. No wonder we fight it quite often to our last breath.
Thats an interesting point Sarah, I know I have become a master at resisting and fighting things at times rather than surrendering to them. I have often thought of the word “surrender” as weak and giving in, but it really is not. Surrendering is accepting and allowing rather than toughening up and fighting that which we cannot control.
I agree that there is a very important conversation we can have.. There is a natural respect we can hold someone else’s beliefs and wishes in around dying but I have found it important for myself, and completely freeing, to understand my own beliefs and where they began. My life has changed from living in fear of those closest to me dying and me being somehow responsible or to blame to that of feeling a miraculous sense of ease with the concept of death and an understanding of my own true responsible part to play. A part of this is in claiming my own choices and honouring what I know to be true and real for me.
Very true Cherise, we can all have our own beliefs around death and that is okay. I have been really working this out and realised that I had taken on beliefs in the past, without even realising I had. I had not stopped to consider if they felt true to me or not.
Yes why not plan and prepare so it is not scary because the day will come for sure so no point avoiding it. And in planning and preparing you can accept more and live more in this moment.
Yes Sharon I feel that the topic of death is sometimes seen as taboo. Death like birth is another cycle of life . It is another moment for us to deeply support and celebrate those in that stage of their life. It’s a beautiful way to honour ourselves and our loved ones.
Death is a natural process and a part of life that is largely hidden from us. If we were more familiar with death and there wasn’t such a taboo surrounding it then we would as a race have less fear. Death is something many of us wish to hide from as the contemplation of death inevitably raises uncomfortable questions about how we are living our lives and the quality of what we are living.
I agree Sharon, it is really important – how many people die in fear of what is coming next, or in an unfamiliar place – how much of this could be avoided if we were to talk to each other about the fact we will all pass over, to bring understanding and support.
– Yes Rebecca this would make a huge difference to be supported in this way when you are coming to the end your life’s cycle. Having that love, care and understanding would totally change things for the person. There being would be supported to drop into the process instead of fitting it. I saw this with my father and as much as he fought and struggled to accept what was happening just before he was ready, he gently let go and he looked so sweet and pure. Just like when we are born. If it could be like this for the whole process imagine how this would be for us.
And as you describe Natalie, it did not have to be a stressful situation for you either and I would say that is because of your undestanding around death. So I guess, with more understanding, then the easier it is to be with those around you in that time.
Absolutely Rosie, and to bring more understanding we have to be open to truth on how the fact is we are Soul beings that never die, we pass over and then reincarnate as the immortal beings that we are. To be open to consider that the way we choose to live and all our choices are reflected back to us in our physical body is a key to surrendering to all that we are.
I had a similar experience of my own mothers passing, Sharon, and it was beautiful, as I sat with her in the hospital. I agree that many are afraid of death, it’s almost taboo to talk about it, with the result that when someone is bereaved, no one knows quite what to say, or do, and often simple honesty hides behind social niceties.
So true Catherine, what you’ve shared applies in so many situations actually, not just around death and dying. We tend not to show, nor to ask another how they are REALLY feeling as we often don’t know how to respond or what to say when it is not what we want to hear. Better not to ask than be uncomfortable, in most cases. Allowing the space for ourselves to do so and being the one to be honest, gives others permission to do the same.
I like what you have written here Jenny, people do worry about how to resond so don’t ask in the first place or don’t want to rock the boat so to speak.
I have found that when I start opening up and expressing really honestly, rather than just ‘its a lovely day” or the regular superficial conversation, it can inspire those around me to open up too and take the conversation to another level that has meaning and touches each other because you are actaully expressing how you are rather than talking about things outside of yourself.
I played with this recently on a business trip full of strangers and it was great and we all got to know each other really well and we became like a family. I really feel this was a result of how we didn’t just stay in the polite superficial mode.
That is really inspiring Rosie and allows us to feel the richness and beauty that we can all experience as we let go of inhibitions and become truly true to ourselves and who deep down we know we are.
Yes, I wonder is it the fear of death that makes us feel like we just don’t even want to mention the subject?
It sometimes feels that people have a feeling that if they don’t mention death they can pretend it doesn’t or won’t ever happen and in this way are holding death at bay – I guess it’s a form of control
Yes Amina, there is a huge fear around death and dying and I wonder if it is because it is a subject that is not talked about openly. As you say it would be a great start if our feelings around it were talked about openly, and from a young age, and of the possibility that there may be more to come after we pass over. This could change the whole concept and understanding and would be enormously liberating for many people.
It is interesting why there is so much fear around death after all it is the one thing that is guaranteed for the moment we are birthed, and we have our whole life to prepare for it. My best friend passed away when we were 8 I remember feeling quite shocked and traumatised and I really missed playing with him. And so I couldn’t understand why we die in my mind..I just didn’t get it. So I asked my parents and aunty and uncles after a few day of interrogation without solid answers one of my parents spoke to me about the cycle of life. I connected to this and felt a rhythm in it, this didn’t answer all my questions, but it felt true. Since studying the teachings of the Ancient Wisdom as presented by Universal Medicine I have been able to embrace death much much more. To me death qualifies that everything is energy, including what matters most, our essence.
Understanding the cycles of life takes the fear away and allows us to accept what is so much easier.
I agree Sharon. As a child I was terrified of dying, and as I grew up i began to feel that it wasn’t death i was afraid of, it was eternity. Serge Benhayon led me to understand more about re-incarnation, after I had been with both my husband and mother as they passed and felt quite simply – if they could do it then so could I. I also felt at the moment of passing as if the curtain between two worlds came down and knew everything was as it should be, and to be there for them as they passed was a blessing
How beautiful that you both had the opportunity to share that moment together and for her to have the space to express openly with you.