Each generation is, generally speaking, perceived to have more than the last – better education standards, better health facilities, better nutritional information, better physiological support, better toys, better technology and access to other cultures as examples.
All these things are supposedly giving our children more opportunities to be whatever they want to be; but I question, is this really the case?
Are we really offering children a better life? Or are we encouraging or even pushing them to ‘become better’, rather than allowing them to ‘just be’ the awesome be-ings they already are?
What if a truly ‘better life’ is more than the functional things listed above? What if the so-called improvements that deliver us to love are the only true advances for mankind – and anything else is a distraction from our connection to love?
Let’s be honest, love is what we all truly want. So what if love in action is the true measure of success? What if life is really about living in connection with self and all others – feeling and enjoying the deep love held within us all? What if a true ‘better life’ required no outside confirmation or achievement to feel fulfilled? Life would be more simple… but is it that easy?
A ‘Normal’ Childhood and the Lack of Connection Most of Us Face
Lately I experienced feelings I had not allowed for a while, such as abandonment, rejection, denial and neglect; a bunch of uncomfortable feelings, coming together to deliver an overall feeling of sadness.
I asked myself – why were these coming up now and where did they originate?
I had a very ‘normal’ upbringing. I grew up in suburban Perth, quite close to the city, with all the modern comforts – a swimming pool, a beach house, camping holidays, etc. I played competitive sport, was a good student and well liked by my peers and teachers. We hosted plenty of family gatherings and lived in a friendly, safe neighbourhood. My parents did all they could at the time to provide a pleasant, secure childhood.
But there was one thing missing most of the time – true connection with myself and with others; that is, the kind of unconditional love that lets a child know that no matter what they do or say, in their hearts they are amazing.
The kind of love that teaches the truth of the way the world is, so that they can shine their light (knowing the world needs it) without hesitation or holding back, despite the pressure to extinguish it.
Feeling the lack of connection with my family triggered a reaction of hurt and rejection. It was confusing because society was telling me the relationships I had were normal and good so I figured I must be to blame if I was not feeling this was true for me. There wasn’t someone in my life who role-modelled another way – a way that celebrates me just for being me or them just for being them.
I now realise my feelings of rejection were fuelled by a monumental lack of self-worth.
My parents, and all the other adults in my childhood, are not the reason for my hurts. They were brought up by parents who were equally – if not more – dismissive of their connection to love. By taking responsibility for my hurts I now understand this.
My disconnection from myself and others played out in many ways, such as:
- Feeling an emptiness inside, a deep sadness
- Craving intimacy and understanding
- Turning to numerous behaviours in an attempt to numb my feelings, such as bulimia, running and illicit drugs
- Looking to adults in my life to fill the void I felt inside, instead of feeling love and contentment in myself
- Lacking responsibility, especially around money, where I accumulated a large debt not long after receiving an inheritance
- Experiencing self-loathing, lack of self-worth and shame; I shut down and put protective walls up, making it virtually impossible to let support in
- Taking on another’s emotional reactions and comments, making it personal and assuming that it was a reflection of something ‘bad or wrong’ I had said or done even though, in truth, their reactions or comments had nothing to do with me
- Seeking recognition from sporting and academic success as a way to ‘earn’ love, leading to a constant ‘trying’ to be something ‘special’
With understanding comes the realisation that things can be different – I can turn the tide and change my ways if I choose.
For me it’s about acknowledging that I am not truly offering my child a ‘better life’ if it does not come with true connection – that is, unconditional love, true support and an example of what it feels like to express from a real connection of love.
All the other things are cherries on top but they are not essentials. Kids know this – we all know this.
Knowing that Light Within
Though many times I’ve wavered from my connection to love, I’ve always known that it is the ultimate truth. Love is always there. The simple knowing that my being is a part of that amazing, magnificent love feels better than anything I’ve ever experienced or tried to fill myself with. The best bit is knowing this love is accessible to all who walk the earth.
Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.
I now understand the importance of claiming the loving connection I felt lacking in my early years. It’s time to live the love and inspire my daughter to acknowledge and claim that ever-present love she too holds within. It’s time to allow myself the space and encouragement to bring it to life, to share it with others, to love freely in my expression and never ever hold back the truth of the Divine I hold within.
My deepest appreciation to Serge Benhayon and the practitioners of Universal Medicine and the Sacred Esoteric Healing Modalities, who have inspired and supported me to come to feel more of the universal love that holds us all. Thank you.
By Nicki Ferguson, BCom, DipCS, Sydney
Published with permission from my parents
Further Reading:
Crying out for connection: technology and us
Brotherhood: What if True Love Was Taught From Day One?
The Purpose of Parenting
A ‘better’ life is in comparison to someone else but when we connect to the all-encompassing love of God we feel the equal love of and in all.
Elizabeth I can attest that a better life leaves us wanting for more nothing really satisfies even going on holiday when we get back how many of us want to go away again not wanting to cope with the drudgery of life. We plan and look forward to the next holiday and it becomes a carrot on a stick to keep us going. When we connect with ourselves there is over time a feeling of fullness so that looking outside of ourselves for stimulation seems to melt away and in its place is a contentedness that is very settling.
Nicki the answer to your question has to be no
‘Are we really offering children a better life? Or are we encouraging or even pushing them to ‘become better’, rather than allowing them to ‘just be’ the awesome be-ings they already are?’
The latest information on children as young as 5-6 have emotional problems and are feeling stressed. The latest thinking from ‘authorities’ is that Children do not play as children any more and as I grew up in a world where children could just play games and run around and invent games and just have fun I would agree that children today are very constricted and the expectations on them are immense. They are growing up to be in the ‘doing’ (machine) like rather than just being themselves knowing this is enough.
I was just talking about this to a friend today, it is actually immoral the current educational model, it leaves our children short – education as it is is cold damp and heartless.
‘Each generation is, generally speaking, perceived to have more than the last – better education standards, better health facilities, better nutritional information, better physiological support, better toys, better technology and access to other cultures as examples.’ Perhaps we could say this was true up until my generation, however this trend is not continuing and we can see that we are on the downward trajectory of this current cycle. Knowing that we live in cycles and that at each go around the wheel we are offered opportunities to deepen and grow – if we choose not to, then the illusion of better will keep grabbing us until it is proven that we have not nor ever will achieve it, as round we go again.
As a society we can all get behind a different way of parenting so our next generation can understand what you have shared Nikki.
Nicki this is a very honest look at how we bring our children up, it all seems geared to making sure through education that they get a secure job and for that it seems you need a piece of official paperwork that says you are qualified in something. Which means we have placed education above everything else, so what we do is more important than who we are effectively.
If we give our kids a ‘better’ life we are leading them astray, if we offer them true connection we are setting them up for a life of unfolderment that becomes their stability and core.
When a child is connected to who they are the world is indeed there oyster.
Until we build the connection with ourselves and reflect this to our children we will continue to have the escalating rates of mental illness that our children currently endure.
The model of life we currently have isn’t working it cannot be working if young children are becoming more stressed and suffering from mental conditions. We all know this is occurring as there has been plenty of research on the subject matter. While we only look for solutions without understanding the underlying issue nothing will change and we will get used to living in this dysfunctional way and accept it as a ‘normal’ way of life.
Nicki, this is really interesting and makes sense as to why we want to do well at sports; ‘Seeking recognition from sporting and academic success as a way to ‘earn’ love, leading to a constant ‘trying’ to be something ‘special’.
Absolutely agree Nicki, ‘Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.’
This would support us in keeping life simple, ‘Let’s be honest, love is what we all truly want’. and ‘ What if life is really about living in connection with self and all others – feeling and enjoying the deep love held within us all? ‘
Reconnecting to our inner love is to reconnect to the purpose of life.
More does not necessarily equate to better, yet that is what we all demand, buy into, and often think we have to prove, to varying degrees and in our various ways, from material goods to how we are at work and in our relationships. But if the quality is not there; if we’ve turned ourselves into disconnected robots because of the emphasis on more instead of quality, depth and presence, we have to ask ourselves what the point of it was, and if it was really worth it.
This is a brilliant blog because it calls to question the illusion we are in, that even though we may be championing a ‘better life’ and that this is that we are offering our younger generation, are we really? Are our young people thriving and flourishing and live empowered knowing who they are, how great they are as beings and the potential they hold within? I know when I look around I see our youth of younger and younger ages turning to drugs, alcohol, self-harming and over sexualising them selves to cope with what it seems is the lack of connection they feel in their lives. Lack of connection to who they are, not knowing how gorgeous they are and not feeling the confidence or confirmed to live who they are. We are fooling ourselves if we think this ‘better life’ we champion is an offering for our younger generation. It is time we began to take an honest look around to see the state of play in our world and bring into our conversations and our lives the realness that our children are truly craving – connection.
It’s interesting we have “more” technically now than ever before – more games, more technology, more iPads, better cars, better houses – better everything – yet unhappiness and illness and disease are also higher than ever before. The moral is that we can have everything, literally everything, but if we don’t live a connected, truthful, deeply loving life then we will always feel like something is missing.
How many of us can relate to ourselves, let alone others, with such deep level of unconditional love: that no matter what we might say or do, in essence, we are all amazing? Making the changes to take deeper care of ourselves, to listen more closely and pay attention to what our bodies need, is where we need to start- and the rest unfolds from there. Bit by bit, and beautifully so.
There is so much pressure to keep ‘bettering or improving” our lives and with that comes a set of pictures, standards and beliefs of how to be happy and contented. With all that striving we move away from living in the settlement of who we truly are.
I agree Jenny ‘bettering or improving’ totally misses the point and is quite the convenient distraction to indulge in our individuality and not take responsibility for living and reflecting who we already and naturally are within.
Yes, these ‘better’ lives are not really working in my observations, there is still something missing; could the missing ingredient be being connected as you talk about?
An awesome sharing on the quality of our lives and that of our children and what we are bringing them up to be .Are we encouraging or even pushing them to ‘become better’, rather than allowing them to ‘just be’ the awesome be-ings they already are? And how much of this pushing comes from our upbringing also or from our own lack of self worth and how much do they teach us also if we are open to seeing the magic they offer unconditionally and our appreciation of this.
‘Do Our Kids Want a ‘Better Life’ or a ‘Connected Life’?’ Most parents want to give their children a ‘better life’ than they have experienced in their upbringing, they try to fill their own emptiness and bury their own hurts (and I was no different) and expect the children to do well in this ‘better life’. As we build the connection with ourselves as parents our children can be who they are and will teach us as much as we can teach them about life.
What a beautiful and inspiring sharing of the importance of connection in all our lives and the emptiness without this felt. Bringing up our children to know and be appreciated for all they are and not what they do is as magical as they are and the truth of life as we are all here to learn and appreciate the love we all are.
What we have accepted as normal in life makes it so easy to forget who we are and where we are from.
It is too easy to blame parents for things that go wrong in our lives and then proceeded to repeat the process on the next generation either as a parent or a teacher, an aunty, a role model. Yet we each have the opportunity to re-connect to that space inside that offers far more than anyone else could ever offer us. A deep connection with ourselves and the Love we are made of and from.
Lucy I agree with you I was taking part in a conversation recently where we felt that it was possible that there is a consciousness around parenting that we get sucked into and once we are sucked in we lose our way and become robotic and follow each other like sheep we lose all connection to ourselves and all others. The way the world is currently set up this consciousness seems to have the upper hand so to say. I feel the only way out of the fog of this consciousness is to deeply connect with ourselves in this connection the fog melts away and we are left in the clarity of how to be with ourselves and other people.
I do know that feeling of emptiness and deep sadness inside. A feeling that was so controlling in my life and made me to forget that life can be a joy, or better said, can be enjoyed for every moment instead of to be dismissive of this fact because of that false feeling inside I held on as my truth because I was hurt in one way or another. The human psyche has many ways to control our mind and to make us blind for the magic and joy life in truth is and in any moment can connect to.
Nico thank you for sharing we can all relate to the comment you have made, for many of us we have become blind to the magic and joy of life that each day holds. Instead we focus on the negativity and there is plenty of that circulating in our society.
We are so dismissive to that connection to love that is always there and where we natural will connect to if we let go that false thoughts that the life we can see with our eyes and experience on a daily basis with all the abuse and atrocities is something we have to obey to as this is not true.
There is no trying in being. This blog has been a big stop moment for me today. If I’m ‘trying’ to be or trying to make things better for my kids, then I’m not giving me because I’m saying I’m not enough and your not enough. Take home message right here, “Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.”
This is a fantastic question, we often seek security and betterment for our children and spend hardly any quality time with them, this makes no sense. It is always about the ability of our relationship and how connected we are.
The thing about a better life is that it always leaves something unfulfilled, we can have the best job, the best partner, the best clothes, even the best shampoo or body cream – we can totally set our lives up to be amazing, but without true, deep connection we have nothing.
Yes Meg, it is not about the physical life we have here on earth as that is constantly asked to be made better for it is not able to sustain itself as it is from the false light of creation we have been trapped in for already a long period of time.
It is like we all know there is more to life but we have given up on this and in doing so seek more things (faster pace of life) to relieve the tension of not living something more true.
A truth simply expressed – however hard we try, the fact is it is not possible to better or improve upon that divine essence that is forever within us.
“Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was”.
Imagine getting angry with the toaster because it didn’t work – only to see it was not plugged in. Yet this is in effect how we treat ourselves. We champion, knowledge, muscles or wealth but actually all we need is to connect within. To me it makes perfect sense that connection to Soul, to God, to Love is what life is all about. Thank you Nicki.
I love this Joseph as people do choose to get angry with something that isn’t working like they expected it to work. It is the easy way out, we think, but it is not. When we truly want to live our lives, the only choice that will ever work is taking responsibility for what lives inside us, our connection to the divine, to God. And then a toaster that doesn’t work will make us stop and say ‘what is this telling me right now in this moment in how I live my life?’
“Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.” – This feels so true Nicki, and I can see how constantly trying to better ourselves through our accomplishments, skills, roles, etc. is a never-ending game like a dog chasing its tail ad infinitum, only resulting in massive exhaustion. Whereas if we just surrender to who we are inside already and with honesty let go of all the layers of emotions we have placed on top to hide that light, our depth of love to be expressed is also infinite, but in the right direction!
I can relate to many of the ways your disconnection played out particularly the putting protective walls up which makes connection even more challenging. Starting to open up has been the most amazing support and I am loving the connections I am making every day with different people.
We have so many more material benefits in our daily lives but also an escalation in mental and physical health issues which shows that these can never be a substitute for the connection that we all crave.
A ‘better’ life holds or offers us no value, no evolution or no inspiration if our connection to love is absent.
When I was in my early 20s I realised that I had been feeling sad for as long as I could remember without really having a solid reason why. When I sought counselling my psychologist questioned this, needing a concrete explanation for my sadness. I offerred up some explanations but nothing felt true. I now understand the feelings I had as a child and what’s more I can see that they made perfect sense. We are so much more than human and we all know this so it makes absolute sense that we react to a world that denies our multidimensionality.
The environment around us can get as clean and well educated as we could wish – there could be no barriers to education or health care or physical needs like clothes and food but it still doesn’t provide children with the support to know who they are, to live who they are, to know truth and be loved and cherished. More than anything we crave to be truly met and loved more than we crave an expensive lifestyle because it is connection that lasts far longer than the brief elation of the next new thing.
No matter our age the one thing we all truly want is connection. When we live with it and experience it with another it satisfy us in a way material treats never will. Thank you Nicki for sharing this wisdom that applies to children and us all.
If we don’t read what energy something is being given in or said in, then we can take it as truth and believe it is who we are. For many years when I was feeling down about myself I would hear in my head the many things said to me when I was growing up that were negative. When I started building a relationship with myself these thoughts were just not around any more and even if something was said, it couldn’t even touch the sides, because I had a relationship with myself that was more loving then what was being offered outside of me.
I very much look forward to the day when our education, health and general systems of life are made first about connection before they are made about function.
The profoundness of life is to create a way of being that is natural and upright with transparency and truth. One that is asking us to see and feel beyond its dimensions and connect to the multidimensionality that is known. Choose to no longer hide that which is true and come to life in a way that holds that, so that there can be no less. You can set your own true standards, lets no longer wait.
That connection to the all is the platform to be the all and deliver the all to the all.
“Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.” How awesome is it that we all have the opportunity to inspire others including our children on the connection to our bodies and how much beauty, wisdom and love is housed within. A loving connection costs nothing and the space it holds encapsulates all.
“Love is accessible to all who walk the earth.” A simple truth that is all too often forgotten and/or abused.
Yes, lets be honest, what we are all truly seeking is love, love and connection, ‘Let’s be honest, love is what we all truly want.’
“With understanding comes the realisation that things can be different” A beautiful connection to truth.
Yes the whole of society is confirming to us that how we feel is not normal and that the relationships we see around us are it but we need to remember that because everyone might be doing something in a certain way, it does not mean it is the true way. The true way we only can feel in our hearts and we all deeply know we crave true love and connection way more than any other outer comfort that is offered to us.
I wonder how much of the push and the drive for our children to succeed is based on fear. And I wonder if, as their parents, we begin to learn and experience what it is like to be ourselves in the world, the passing on of this wisdom on to our children will make life seem that much simpler and hence the future of their lives a far less scary prospect…
Having no plan or any expectation how a child should end up in their adult years brings a lot of space. That space given is true love for me as it does not impose or demand anything and instead encourages the child to stay who they truly are and in that, discover the purpose of what to bring into this world. I wish I got taught, that nothing you achieve on the outside is grander than what is within you- because that is a real life-and society changer.
In connecting to who we are and then sharing that with others not only offers a reflection for others to feel and explore for themselves but it also means that we are not striving, pushing and searching outside of ourselves for answers. Connecting to who we are offers us and our children a great starting point for exploration and connection all rolled into one.
What is universal is that we all thrive on connection and not on having loads of material things.
That’s so true Elizabeth, but we lose our way at times and keep our connection to ourselves and others at bay and instead keep acquiring more stuff driven by an insatiable need to fill the space.
Absolutely- great comment. NOTHING material can even the worth we carry inside us. No matter what we buy or receive it never fills the space in the missing connection in us. Imagine how much money could be saved actually living the connection/ or working on the connection first, before we buy things e.g..
It is interesting to consider that by trying to become better there is a rejection of who you already are, because in order to improve on what is there, what is there has to be broken or flawed in some way. But what if what is inside each person is divine perfection, and what it is that we see as flawed is actually the moving away from that divinity and the behaviours that follow as a consequence? What if all any one ever has to actually do is to return to one’s essence… and by teaching this to our children are we guaranteeing a future where systems and governance will run accordingly? Are we then guaranteeing a future that is based on harmony and not harm?
Connection, connection, connection – it is what we all want. Then the question is what are we connecting to and LOVE is what we all truly want… but there are so many imposters pretending to be love such as emotions and attention which are nothing to do with love and lead us to further disconnection. We need to make life about love, true love as described here: http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-love.html
I am sure there are many that will say that their childhood was normal, that they were cared for and looked after, as shared here though is the emptiness that pervades our being, an emptiness we fill with emotions and needs, is there physically in our bodies because no one knew how to teach us to fill our own bodies with our love.
There is nothing more loving we can do for another than to teach one to do just this.
If we were reminded growing up that our most important relationship is with ourselves, there would not be the emptiness in relationships with others that is so prevalent. What I saw around me and was told, was that you are selfish if you do something for yourself or look after yourself. No wonder most mothers are exhausted trying to do and be everything for their children.
” Do Our Kids Want a ‘Better Life’ or a ‘Connected Life’? ” When I saw this title my answer for me was simple I would have preferred a connected life when I was a kid . Around me the only real level of connected way to live was connection with nature.
I can certainly relate to using nature to feel the connection I felt was lacking with other people in my childhood, but I also used to escape into nature, even into adulthood to avoid feeling the harsh reality of the world and the way people tend to interact. In that, I failed to develop that inner connection that would have supported me throughout, as Nicki has committed to doing with her daughter, which is quite beautiful.
Is it possible that kids only want the latest gadget or latest fad because they haven’t got the connection they so desperately crave?…. and we as parents want to give the so called ‘best’ to our kids because we have lost the connection we so desperately crave too?
‘Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was’. Beautifully said Nicki.
The title says it all on the connection that we are all receiving not only for our children. When we choose the better of life we are constantly on an up- hill pull to bring more into our lives to fill what we feel is missing. When we choose to connect and appreciate what we have and honour, there is nothing to better but to stop to take stock and adore.
To look at a child who is being parented by a screen, it is easy to see that taking away that screen would create a tension in many circumstances. This is one example, but so often parenting is about situations where the child may not appreciate the parenting in that moment, and it will take some storms to ride as part of the process, but we have to consider what is most important. To keep children connected to themselves, listened to and given attention and love is surely the greatest parenting skill we can offer. No technology can ever surpass this as our greatest parenting tool.
Nicki, this feels really important; ‘ the kind of unconditional love that lets a child know that no matter what they do or say, in their hearts they are amazing.’ I have observed with parenting and schools that it is common to tell a child off in a way that the child can feel that there is something wrong with them and that they are ‘not good enough’ , for instance ‘I am disappointed in you’ or ‘you are naughty’, rather than letting the child know that they are amazing just as they are and that they chose an unloving behaviour that it is not who they are, so the child can learn that the behaviour is not acceptable but that they are still amazing.
Whilst we may be living the life that is seemingly ‘normal’, up to date with all the technologies, fashion and trends, we will never be fulfilled unless we know who we are, and live in connection to our inner-most essence. This is what our children need to learn first and foremost, and then they can from this point learn how to truly live in this world, with the confidence of knowing who they are and the freedom to be themselves.
The moment we make life about security and not connection we lose ourselves to a force that seeks to keep us away from each other instead of coming together.
Once there is no love then we are on the wrong track. If we don’t know how to connect to love or express and receive love, then there are many ways to manage the situation.
There is always love. We are made of it and we can never not be it, but we can diminish our expression of it. When this happens we are not only on the wrong track, we are completely derailed and thus as you say Christoph, we must have simple measures in place that bring us back. Therefore we must seek movements that realign us to that which we have derailed from – be that through going for a walk, taking a moment to pause and reconnect, focussing on our breath, phoning a friend etc. whatever it is that reignites the flame of love that forever burns within us all.
“Are we really offering children a better life? Or are we encouraging or even pushing them to ‘become better’, rather than allowing them to ‘just be’ the awesome be-ings they already are?” Such a great question Nicki. Striving to have a better life doesn’t work – witness all the sports stars and celebrities who may have a ‘better’ life materially, but at what cost to their health and well-being? Children – and us – are naturally awesome. How come society has got it so wrong? When will we all wake up to see what is at play here.
“Each generation is, generally speaking, perceived to have more than the last – better education standards, better health facilities, better nutritional information, better physiological support, better toys, better technology and access to other cultures as examples.” Yet I understand this is the first generation when the young ones of today will not live as long as their parents. There is something deeply wrong with society, when we accept length of life as an indication of better health, when this blatently isn’t the case. The current elderly population may be living longer, but with many ailments and diseases, many of which could have possibly been prevented with different lifestyle choices.
The other day I was with an elderly gentleman who had a serious health condition. He was doing no end of things to better his health and talking about how awful a place the world was. In our conversation we came to a place of true connection, his eyes shone and he came alive in a way that he had not been before. I could say he looked better and he could say he felt better but the truth was so much more and it is this that we are slow to acknowledge and celebrate.
The best form of parenting is that which supports children to learn about and discern energy. Without this, they are lost.
Often when we feel a dis-ease within ourselves we run a million miles and try to fix it outside of ourselves, our life, career, family everything gets looked at and or blamed but we often don’t look within. And that is how we loose our way because any dis-ease in ourselves is first caused by the uneasiness we feel with ourselves, we need to look at this and when we choose to deeply connect with ourselves then our whole life and how it feels to us will change too.
” Do Our Kids Want a ‘ Better Life ‘ or a ‘ Connected Life ‘ ?
When I saw this head line in the writing and having read the article , I said to myself, if I had to live it over and this question was asked of me as a child. My answer would be ” a Connected life ” for without connect one is alone and this will never be a better life.
In the absence of love, anything will be used to fill the vacuum, in the presence of love, nothing else is needed.
When young how much we model ourselves on the outside world either to fit in or stand out. We identify gain an identity. We are home, or so we think, until something comes along to shake those foundations and make us realise we have built our home on sand. We are lost at sea. No wonder there is so much confusion and mental illness now. Do we then allow ourselves the grace to connect to ourselves and begin to build a relationship based on connection, letting go of everything that gets in the way of that? We have to go in to come out so to speak. We have to breathe in to breathe out. The breath is a good place to start a more intimate relationship with ourselves, observing our breath and letting it become more gentle, getting ourselves out of our heads and becoming more aware of our bodies and our wholeness.
When we show children love through our own connection to our bodies and how we live life, we bring them a greater sense of responsibility. It is from our own actions that we reflect value and worth and that is a goldmine for many children today to see that simply being who and nurturing those qualities sets us up for a life filled with learning and curiosity that then has a ripple effect with how they then live life too.
That is true. Both a sense of responsibility and a sense of joy, which is really beautiful.
I remember having a huge empty void in my childhood years similar to what you describe. Nothing could fill it. I would stand with the fridge door open gazing into the fridge not really knowing what I wanted but ravenous for anything that would fill the emptiness. Later in my late teens and twenties I filled this void with sex, the same ravenous feeling that could not be satiated. What I was truly seeking was true connection, with myself and others. I was seeking the intimacy that comes from transparency and openness. It was this that was missing in my childhood, and it is this that I am now learning along with building my self-worth through appreciation. Only we can fill the void.
As children we all just want to feel outside a reflection of the connection we feel inside of us. It’s when that’s not found when we look for substitutes and distractions
Reading this I can feel how it’s easy to get busy in life and make life about working hard, earning money, the occasional holiday, about possessions, promotions etc rather than life being about connection and about people; ‘What if life is really about living in connection with self and all others – feeling and enjoying the deep love held within us all?’
We could ask – “do we want a ‘better life’ or a ‘connected life?’ After all, we are what our kids are looking to for what’s normal and what’s accepted in the world… and we can show them what’s possible.
I can totally relate to your story here Nicki about having it all in terms of what would be considered by the world to be a ‘great comfortable childhood’ but still feeling like something was missing, and that was the connection and knowing of myself. Now that I have begun to reconnect and rediscover me I can see more clearly why no amount of great function and things and even love from my parents would never have filled the void.
If we take a snapshot of typical family life today, what would we see? Many families form pictures of what we think love is but many also fall short of this truth. What I have begun to see is that true love starts with our connection to ourselves first and it is from here we begin to see true change occur and new foundations laid for what deep loving connections look like, changing the paradigm for the future of our families and children and what truly is a loving life.
It’s a fine line between ‘improving yourself’, and allowing yourself to be more of you. We can sometimes indulge in self development, but instead of building on what we already are and have we seek to add skills to our repertoire that are often more about how to brave the world rather than accept and appreciate who we are.
Giving our children more and more things never serves to bring them a true life, only a more distracted, separated one.
Totally spot on Nicki it is not what we do with our kids but the quality of connection that we bring to them that is what matters. We can get easily confused as parents to believe it is all about better opportunities and better holidays and better this that and the other. Rather than know that all of that is literally pointless without the divine connection to the universal love that is all around us like you share so beautifully. That is what we all want, for us to live that is true parenting.
The acquisition of material things in this day and age is huge, and which provides a great distraction away from any true and intimate connection. True love is what we all are looking for and as we deeply connect to the love within we are able to bring that connection to our children and all others. Function has its place in our lives, but it is only in the flow of divine love that life can truly be lived.
As we grow up we quickly become au fait with the world, the rivers, mountains, rocks and trees, the clouds, the cars, the birds, the trees. But something that is typically not mentioned is the connection that we all have inside. It flows beautifully like a majestic river, it warms your body like the greatest fire, it flows into your every sense like a breath from God. And yet some of us have turned it off, forgotten that it’s even there, sought distraction in mobile phones, games and videos. Yet all the time this connection waits, for us to return and reignite, then open our eyes to the essential Loving part it can play in our lives. Thank you Nicki for reconnecting us to this.
Having just spent the weekend with my beautiful niece I can confidently say that true connection is what they most want. The joy expressed by any child when you met them for who they are is totally tangible.
In reading this blog I can see how material comfort can not replace feeling connected with yourself and with people.
How freeing it is to discover that we need chase nothing, that all that we seek is already within, busting to come out when we allow the true us to flow.
We have fallen for parenting for better rather than truer in a big way. We want our children to be safe and to have a comfortable life, rather than prepare them for being all they can be in a world that only wants security and comfort. This takes us living in a true way to be able to offer this reflection and where I know I have fallen short of what I could have offered.
Beautiful Nicki, how is it that this connection has fallen off our internal radar, to the point that when you talk about it with people, it’s seen as weird, odd or something bizarre. Connection isn’t just a buzz word to use in conjunction with our latest mobile devices – it’s a key that lives at the very heart of who we are. Yes we can exist pretending it is something we don’t need, like a person stranded in a foreign country we can ‘get by’ but boy this is so far from the warmth, glory and amazingness we can feel inside. So why don’t we make connection, not wealth accumulation our goal?
So true. No amount of ‘things’ will ever replace the fundamentals we all need in order to live a fulfilled life. We’re all chasing love, but for some reason we’re on a wild goose chase and going in the opposite direction, or rather going toward something when actually it’s nowhere other than right where we’re standing.
Reminds me of some children and families I have known who were by no means rich but lived a very rich life because they shared a deep quality of connection, understanding and closeness which no money or wealth in this world could ever equate to.
With this blog I can see how self-love is a responsibility not only towards ourselves, but also because this is what will be brought to life and all those that we share it with – deep sense of the love that is there.
‘Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.’ So true. This makes life so simple and makes the striving and struggling that we let ourselves get into appear just as they are, absurd and ridiculous. The world wants to keep us in this belittling paradigm of unhappiness and wanting but we have the power, through connection, to change it.
A resounding Yes to kids wanting a more connected life and in this they can be an awesome reflection to us and support us back to connecting to ourselves if we are open to this.
We have become so caught up in bettering all the material elements of our lives that our true connection to ourselves has become ever more buried and this leads to even more extreme behaviours that express the distress that our lack of connection causes us and our children because they have no true reflection of living in connection.
The greatest gift we can offer another is our own reflection when in connection to our own truth and wisdom within.
“Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.” I can completely agree with this, the feeling of this connection is amazing; the body is full of joy and lightness, why would you want to chase anything else once you have connected to this love.
Furthermore, being a parent is never to just my child, it is a responsibility not to be held back to all children. What I am unable yet to open in conversation with my child at home, these topics will be explored with for example my young students in community college. Everything is connected to everything else, everyone is connected to everyone else.
Being a parent what I can unwaveringly offer to my child is a connection and a beholding that no matter what happens in the world, no matter what his choices are in life, no matter how much this connection is not wanted, that it will still be there without pressure, without imposition of emotions, when he is ready to receive it. If I have been compromising myself in the past because this is not a common picture of what a parent looks like, I am appreciating myself even deeper today as a parent. No I am not and will never be perfect, but I will never give up being love.
“Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.” how exhausting it is to go chasing fulfillment in things that can never fill you up! Just knowing you’re more than enough; you are already ‘it’ and you are love is deeply freeing.
Looking to adults in my life to fill the void I felt inside, instead of feeling love and contentment in myself’ I have the feeling a lot of behaviours I still use come from this place, I just copied what I saw adults were doing. Nowadays this pattern can still be there if I am not in connection with myself mainly when I feel anxious, I get insecure and I look outside of myself to see how others behave or do a task. When I am with myself I just know my way and the tendency to seek something in the outside world is not there.
‘Let’s be honest, love is what we all truly want. So what if love in action is the true measure of success?’ Absolutely what if it is…… if we allow lack of self worth to come in we are holding back the love we truly are and we feel the tension within our body, something I have been recently become aware of.
I love how you have shown in a nutshell exactly what is going on here. Each generation seems to pride itself on the fact that things are supposedly ‘better’ for todays kids than is was when they were growing up, in terms of education, money, rights etc. However, the state our kids are in shows us we have gotten it very wrong and left something essential out of our equations….
thank you Nicki, for spelling out exactly what that is too.
We certainly do have so many external things to make life better but what I now understand is the importance and huge role that
Quality plays. I now see how we can deepen our lives by looking at the quality first and the relationship we have with ourselves and others. There is no end to this deepening – and wow what a game changer it is to build connection not just physical assets.
Spot on Nikki, you have nailed it with your question… “What if the so-called improvements that deliver us to love are the only true advances for mankind?” This deserves to be a statement and not a question, and answers our endless questions of why things are going so wrong when it comes to the way our children are growing up these days. Our focus and efforts to ‘provide’ every opportunity for them is fundamentally flawed.
Nikki, I love this, ‘the kind of love that teaches the truth of the way the world is, so that they can shine their light (knowing the world needs it) without hesitation or holding back, despite the pressure to extinguish it.’ I have a young son and can feel how important what you are sharing is and how supportive it would be for him to learn how he can shine his light no matter what is going on around him; to talk honestly with him about how the world is and to support him to learn to stay light and tender and sweet no matter what is going on outside of him.
Spot on Nicki, parenting has a far deeper role then the limits of physical care. A deepening in our responsibility as parents and non parents is a called for. Showing the future generations that the beauty they feel within can be lived in their everyday.
Have a better life, or making our lives better is on a high agenda, much less so do we consider a greater connected life. Before I attended Universal Medicine presentations being in greater connection to myself or to others wasn’t at the forefront of my awareness and yet inside this is what I craved the most deeply. There is an ocean between “connection” and “better”.
‘Let’s be honest, love is what we all truly want. So what if love in action is the true measure of success?’ . . . this is certainly true for me and the fact that the main regret people have on the their death bed is that they didn’t make the time to love and appreciate the people around them more speaks volumes.
Children of today are no different than we were, the exception is that they have access to much more in the way of possessions. I see that the most important thing for us all ( and especially children ) is definitely connection to life. A feeling of belonging and loving support of family and friends, and to know they are perfect as they are!
Love is what we all want so what if love in action is the true measure of success? Yes rather than measuring success on the grades our children get or how great their social prowess or sports achievements, how about confirming them in the love they are and for us to be role models of Love in action ?
I work in the education system and I can definitely say ‘we are pushing our children to become better’ – which is very harmful on so many levels and saddening to see.
Well said Nicki, every bit. Let’s base all of our relationships from the knowing we are love and divine, and make that become our new foundation. Imagine life living this way where nothing we could do could improve who we are, so all we would choose to do would then be to serve the whole.
Nikki, thank you for writing this. Showing us that a life can not be truly better when there is no connection to Soul, Universe, God, divine ancient wisdom.
This is a great point – about the true advancement of humanity being that of love, with other forms of advancement potentially being forms of distraction. I get the sense however that at the core of this, is a willingness to be love and not distracted, which can require a leap in to responsibility that maybe not everyone immediately wants, or perhaps may want in pieces without having to commit to the whole of what true love actually is. And so, I can see how this is a journey of ever deepening quality, no overnight fixes, but a constant relationship with the love that is within. A journey for every man, woman and child.
“But there was one thing missing most of the time – true connection with myself and with others; that is, the kind of unconditional love that lets a child know that no matter what they do or say, in their hearts they are amazing.” So true and it can be something we can forget when we get caught up in the issues and dilemmas of life and wanting to do what is right rather than what is true. Children know what love is and they respond back with love when we are truly loving to them.
We all know what true love is and what true connection feels like. Children want to be connected to and valued for who they are. We need only to observe our children to know this to be true.
When we honour and claim that light that is within we shine full beam, children often do this naturally it therefore crazy we start t lose this ability as we grow older. Thank you Nikki for showing us it is never to late to choose connection and re-ignight the fire within.
Nothing is ‘better’ than appreciating the awesome be-ings we already are. Learning to love the love that we are is the best.
It seems as we so called advance we increase the activities such as screen time for children in our homes, nurseries and schools which further disconnects them and when their behaviour deteriorates we label them with something wrong when what is missing is true connection, understanding and love.
It seems that we are locked in to wanting to give our children the “good” things in life including material possessions, security…a comfortable life, but when this is given at the expense of true connection these things are valueless and don’t mean much.
It’s quite amazing how you can be with a child, physically care and look after them, talk to them and make sure they are well provided for, however at the same time not ever truly connect with them. This is devastating for us as children and it is no wonder the teenage years are where some very abusive patterns emerge to cope with all that is being felt.
I guess we all see our parents faults and believe we can parent better. But that basis of parenting must come from a source of love for ourselves. I know that as a child I had love and was well cared for, and have many happy memories of growing up, but I also see that there is always room for this to be deeper, that having a child that is completely fulfilled in terms of their own value is the key to a healthy life all the way through adulthood, and that as a parent we can only bring this if we deeply value ourselves, knowing that we ourselves are worth the love we want to give another.
Children are born with their essence, it is often the up bringing where they loose their connection to the love within. Isn’t it our responsibility as adults and parents to reflect the true connection and inspire them to stay connected to their essence within? This comes with responsibility, how responsible are we willing to be in our movements to inspire our children?
Thank you Nicki. The things that you described you had in your childhood are what a lot of the world population are striving for yet your blog presents that there was something fundamentally missing in it all. This is very revealing and exposes the flaws in what is being striven for. What is obvious is that if there is no true connection then there is harm occurring, no matter how it all looks on the outside.
Love is the key component, it is who we are, what we are made of. It should be in every movement, every expression and yet we don’t have a society yet that acknowledges it as vital. I always say why wait for others to bring what you know is needed? Let’s be the change and put love right up there as the most important component. We make it our every expression and movement and it will encourage others to feel it is safe to allow their natural way out again.
We just have to look at our current education system where teachers are being pushed into data driven results that have been sold to better the lives of the students. The magic lines I read recently in an article that was titled “Better Education, Better Learning, Better Students.” Nothing made reference to the well being process of our youth and whether the levels of connection supported the way they learned and connected with each other.
Society defines children by their performance and what they can achieve academically or in the sporting world. The pressures place on children and all too often to fulfil a emptiness in their parents. Children absolutely want a connected and loving life were they can truly be themselves.
Even the most common of upbringings can miss the importance of children staying with the love they were born as and appreciating who they are, just as they are everyday. And this way of being is truly normal, albeit conditioned out of us. I remember getting a shock as my very young children would look at me with wonderment when I ‘blew my top’ or had a little rant at the world. They knew that was not me as they knew who they were at such a precious young age.
I have noticed we start with expectations even of tiny babies, looking for a smile or a recognition of ourselves, then we move into clocking certain milestones, and each little step is rewarded with much adult attention and happy faces pulled and extraordinary praise. But already we are praising and rewarding the child for their achievements, not for just being, setting us up for issues down the track when we don’t get the same rewarding attention. If you spend time with a baby they are wanting to connect and they have many non verbal skills that communicate and interact a lot and a connection and conversations can be fascinating, and funny as I have noticed the child in the adult is easily accessed. I feel the equality in the exchange, honouring the baby for its expression rather than having the child perform for praise.
Amazing blog Nikki, thank you for sharing it with us and inspiring us to question what success really means. I used to think it was my role as a parent to create a better life for our children but in truth nothing beats true connection. I now feel that true success is not about how much money we have or our social status but how deep we have been willing to connected to ourselves, to people and to God. Without true connect and love, even if we have the most expensive, luxurious house in the world, we can still feel empty. Missing our true connection feels awful beyond words. So, why would we put the socially accepted ideas of success before true connection and love as I have witnessed in many people’s lives?
It’s really cool how there is not an ounce of blame in your writing Nikki – you’ve taken full responsibility and made the space to bring understanding to your upbringing and your parents up bring too. This makes space to be more Love and allows the veil to be lifted on the temporal physical life and makes the awareness of life more universal.
As a society we really have our priorities in a bind! We rate success on what we can do and that discounts who we actually are immediately. Making it about connection as the priority and focusing on the beauty of that will allow the rest to fall into place, how ever that may look. I guess when connection is the focus we can let go of the control of needing life to be a certain ‘better’ way.
Nikki, this feels gorgeous, ‘What if life is really about living in connection with self and all others – feeling and enjoying the deep love held within us all?’ Wow how simple life would be if we felt that this was what life was about – no trying to be something else; having to prove ourselves; no need for competition and comparison, we could simple be and love ourselves and others.
Parenting is the one thing in my life that causes me the most self-doubt. Because of all the aspects that can be controlled, you can not ever truly control people and the choices that they make. And so I can get frustrated, or feel rejected. I can seek to over compensate with extra measures of control in other areas. And the best one is when I just choose to give up and eat and eat until I am so numb and bloated that I can’t feel the sadness anymore. But all of this simply comes from a need to control other people so I may fit the ideal image of what my perception of what a ‘good’ parent is. Which, may not actually be what my kids actually need. This brings to light the ‘me’ in parenting and the purpose of this great blog by Nicki Ferguson, because if all that we all ever want is true connection with ourselves and with each other, then all of the little criticisms that I give to myself are purely based on what I can and not do, and what my children can or can not do – that’s it. Because in essence we as people cannot be judged, we are divine just as who we are and that is always more than enough. perhaps then it is this that needs nurturing, the divine spark within us and collectively as a group how we express that divinity and how we love and interact with each other, knowing that divinity is there. Then by this way, everything else gets taken care of.
Thank you, Nicki. I wish every parent and teacher could read this blog, as what you share here really is the truest foundation upon which to raise children. What are we doing if we are not nurturing and supporting them to shine and share their essence with the world from day one?
I can see this in children and experienced it myself that material gains or educational achievements just don’t make the mark. But rather than connect we have just developed more distractions to block out that connection. A child calling for their parents are often soothed with food or an iPhone or similar screen. This may silence the immediate call for connection but does it truly ever leave us? I would say not, we just grow up better managing the hurt of disconnection at the cost of true vitality and well-being. Connection simply can’t compare to any material object, action or word, it is greater than all of these and confirms that we are greater than this world.
It is very easy to lose our connection with joy and love daily with the whirlwind of images and beliefs that we can consume around us. This applies to the the way we connect with others, our children and family. It is no always a simple choice to say YES to living the quality we truly are and letting all else fall to the side but the opportunity is always there.
Nicki this is beautiful ‘ true connection with myself and with others; that is, the kind of unconditional love that lets a child know that no matter what they do or say, in their hearts they are amazing.’ Very true and the more we build this connection with ourselves all our relationships deepen as a flow on effect -a win/win for everyone.
When raising our children in many cases we do underpin it with wanting them to have a ‘better life’ usually in the material sense, like having a better job, better money, better house with better holidays than we had. Very rarely do we consider raising our children with a ‘connected life’ so that they are more deeply connected to themselves and to others. I know without a doubt this was the missing ingredient for me as I grew up, but the joy is that it is never too late to build a deeper connection with myself, or others.
Nicki – I love how you now raise your daughter – confirming her in the connection she naturally feels well before it is about a better life – It is so needed for mums to be talking about this – honouring their children – making it about love and our quality first. That is just beautiful and really does inspire me as to how we raise our daughter.
‘Let’s be honest, love is what we all truly want. So what if love in action is the true measure of success?’ What if we measured our success this way and let go of the idea that successes means wealth? Life would truly be different!
Being a parent is a tough road to walk, and we will never get it 100% right. But in reading this blog I am reminded how the quality of you in the room is what counts. How you move across the room, how you were when you entered it. The grace of picking something up, opening the door, walking out. All of this leaves an impression not spoken about or discussed, it just is you. And our children love this. They love the intimacy of you being who you are with them, unimposing and graceful. It gives them the space to be exactly the same, but in their own unique way, to walk in to the room and light the place up.
“I now realise my feelings of rejection were fuelled by a monumental lack of self-worth.” How amazing Nicky, that you have been able to acknowledge this for yourself, and that there can be no blame laid on anyone for your feelings of rejection. This is something that needs to be deeply appreciated as the level of honesty with yourself to get to this point is enormous.
From experience, I know that my own children valued the time that I spent really connecting with them, as they could feel that they were being listened to and honoured for what they felt. No amount of ‘doing things’ or buying them things they wanted could replace this quality time together, and it is what every child ulitimately wants.
Everyone goes for the better life… it’s what we are fed by every image, by our education system, our peers.. to have more and be successful. Yet to be more connected to what we intrinsically are is the gold that is right there, easy to connect with and an enduring achievement that we can enjoy (along with everyone that we meet) every day.
“With understanding comes the realisation that things can be different – I can turn the tide and change my ways if I choose.” Absolutely with this understanding and realisations so much can be changed in our lives if we choose to, it all cones down to choice. We can choose loving choices or harming choices.
It is so true there is nothing more that is needed than true connection, to be brought up in the love that we truly are is what we all yearn for, but most of us didn’t get. To let go of this hurt is saying yes to true connection, being able to give this to the children in our life to bring them up with the connection they know is true deep within their little bodies.
‘Choosing connection the innate loveliness I was born with is more fullfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.’ I agree, coming back to the yumminess within and letting go of the stresses and strains of life is makes striving for a better life immaterial.
We have got so caught up in providing for children we have lost sight of what really matters. Children often have parents that are too exhausted from long and stressful days at work to have enough energy at the end of the day to ‘be’ with their children. Children get fobbed off with television and iPads for babysitters and miss the connection that they truly crave.
This is so prevalent in society now Fiona Cochran and what you have shared here is the antidote we can use to fill up our relationships with others.
Out of all the big and exciting things that are out there for children these days – movies, theme parks, attractions etc – in the end of the day it is still connection that they seek and it is what they love more than anything.
Amazing Nicky! For a child everything is connection and it is amazing to see how when we are young we have so much light! Its usually the very simple things that we all enjoy, because it is the connection that makes it so special.
Children and teenagers who attend Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine’s talks and courses, and who embrace the principles presented, are living a more connected and honouring life with levels of self care, self love, confidence, nurturing and respecting themselves being the norm, as opposed to that of many of their peers, who pre-dominantly have self loathing and/or lack of self worth, no connection, self abuse and very little true joy.
It is clear that seeking material wealth and pushing our children to be academic and sporty high achievers does not meet their basic needs. A loving true connection with their primary care giver who reflect a deeply loving connection with themselves first and foremost that emanates to all.
There are more and more children out there in the community not sleeping around and taking drug and engaging in other self-abusive behaviours. I am always inspired by the youth and young adults engaged in Serge Benhayons presentations of the Ageless Wisdom when I attend events they are open to learning connect with themselves love and nurture themselves in a way they are so full of their own love there is no room for abuse in their lives.
it’s very acceptable for parenting and having children to be considered expensive. But is that just because we spend so much money on trying to please our children as a supplement for not treating them as equal and having true connections with them?
I can very much relate to your childhood Nicky – it ticked all the boxes and was super fun! Reflecting on what you’ve shared my understanding has expanded on what was missing and where the ‘hurts’ come from. It’s not necessarily about not being met by parents or other adults, but that they are lacking true connection with themselves.
In my opinion life as it stands is not working, so I ask myself why, what is missing? To me this makes perfect sense,
‘Let’s be honest, love is what we all truly want. So what if love in action is the true measure of success? What if life is really about living in connection with self and all others – feeling and enjoying the deep love held within us all?’
“But there was one thing missing most of the time – true connection with myself and with others; that is, the kind of unconditional love that lets a child know that no matter what they do or say, in their hearts they are amazing.” This insight is for me gold Nicki and I am wondering why this is not a normal why to be with each other? Most of us are far away of having an idea what unconditional love really means. Thank you so much for not holding back to share your experience about it.
I have seen many an educated person “fail” in life, and many an uneducated person give life a real go. My point is that it is not that there is anything wrong with education – to the contrary – however, it is our infatuation with it as though it is the solution to everything that is the problem. More than anything, human beings desire to be met. It is that simple, and if we have that in our lives, we can handle quite a lot.
Love, and to return to our true essence / oneness, is what we all long for at some level so how strange that we generally make life about anything but that. Not only do we go for better and all those kind of things rather than love, we bastardise the meaning of what true love is by calling emotional states ‘love’ (there is not an ounce of emotion in love) and saying things like ‘I love my coffee’ when clearly drinking something that is not so pleasant for the body has nothing to do with the true love we all miss so deeply.
I can very much relate to blaming myself and that there had to be something wrong with me, a behaviour that I allowed to run through me for most of my childhood and all through my teenage years. Later on in life I managed to bury the blame deeper into my body numbing myself and pretending it wasn’t there. Today I know that there is nothing wrong with me, in fact there never has been and I know within my body that any thought of blame that enters my mind is something I have created and is not who I truly am.
‘Looking to adults in my life to fill the void I felt inside, instead of feeling love and contentment in myself’ This reminded me how I followed (literally) a young woman who I had met at a camp and tried to copy her in every way but never could reach the standards I thought were needed to be good enough for this relationship. I ended up being very disappointed in myself and the relationship. Now I know the connection to the love I craved for was and is inside me.
“My parents, and all the other adults in my childhood, are not the reason for my hurts.” So many therapies are based on blaming another, mostly our parents or society for our hurts. Whereas there can be painful things in our childhood, they are never the reason for your hurts.
Awesome quotes that are absolutely true: “Let’s be honest, love is what we all truly want. So what if love in action is the true measure of success? What if life is really about living in connection with self and all others – feeling and enjoying the deep love held within us all? What if a true ‘better life’ required no outside confirmation or achievement to feel fulfilled? Life would be more simple… but is it that easy?” This puts life and things in such a different perspective and gives us such a simple guide for our lives. Almost too simple and also often not easy at all.
Really great question for us to ask ourselves, ‘Are we really offering children a better life? Or are we encouraging or even pushing them to ‘become better’, rather than allowing them to ‘just be’ the awesome be-ings they already are?’ Trying to be better, is a trap, we are already amazing and just have to allow that to shine out.
We as humans are so cleaver. It is beyond coincidence that the one true ingredient necessary for our soul – connection, is the one we elude over the centuries, in particular now days.
Yesterday I had such a lovely and intimate day with friends in the country side and then when I got home in Amsterdam, there were a lot of parties going on outside in the streets with people being drunk due to Kingsday here in Holland. The contrast was so big and I noticed how I felt a sadness coming up in how we are all so much wanted to be loved and to be in connection yet we try to find it through partying, alcohol and drugs. But this has nothing to do with true connection, but only taking us further away from the gorgeous beings that we are.
I agree we all want connection and love when we scratch the surface. No matter what we have (child or adult) nothing satisfies us for long, material wealth may bring possessions that we enjoy for awhile but inside we are still empty, until that void is filled with love . A wonderful sharing Nicki.
Elizabeth, it is crazy how society has become honouring children’s for they do, what they have achieved rather than seeing the true beauty and innate qualities they came to earth with to express. It is up to us as adults to show them that it’s ok for them to express what they bring and connect to their innate qualities.
Connection is what we all are craving from young to old, children want that connection they want to be met. When children are met they are so joyful in themselves and their expression.
No matter how old we area we all want to be loved and connected to. It is as vital to our wellbeing as breath is.
Elizabeth what a great reminder that it’s not only our kids that truly want a connected life but it is everyone of all ages, no matter where they live in the world or what they do in their life, what they have or don’t have – connection is the one thing we all want.
I know my daughter loves truly connecting with me, when children are offered this deep connection there is no tv show, food, computer game or ice-cream flavour that they would ever trade for this quality time spent with a loved one.
This is great Anna. Children, and adults alike, turn to things outside of themselves to distract them from feeling the void of lack of true connection. These activities or substances become ‘fillers’ that soon become a way of living, which is and can be hugely detrimental to their true wellbeing.
As a mother of a young little angel girl, reflecting a living way of love, connection, truth, no holding back and inspiring her to acknowledge and claim the ever-present love she holds within, in everything she does and with everyone she is, is everything to me. From there she will decide what life she chooses for herself. Thank you for your sharing Nicole, and the opportunity to reflect a bit further on the subject of raising children.
‘For me it’s about acknowledging that I am not truly offering my child a ‘better life’ if it does not come with true connection – that is, unconditional love, true support and an example of what it feels like to express from a real connection of love.’ What a simple but amazing commitment to have and in inspiration for wider society.
When children harming themselves, that is really shocking. It means, that they are really desperate and they don’t know what to do any more. It is really time, to show them another way to live and to reflect to them, what we really are – love.
Amazing, how many people try to better their life. There is always this hope – one day I find something and then I will be happy. I was fallen for this one as well. Thanks to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon I know now, that there is no need to look outside myself – everything what I need is inside me. Just to be me is enough, I don’t have to improve anything, I’m complete. That is so wonderful and know and to feel it in my body – the search is over.
Life is so full of opportunities for children and there is so much they can get their hands on. What they love the most is that they know who they are when they are engaging with these things they can learn from.
I love and can relate to this too, Linda. Many of us have lived under the illusion that bettering ourselves is enough but truthfully it is never enough. Truly connecting to our essence is the way to go but is challenging for many of us.
‘ It’s time to allow myself the space and encouragement to bring it to life, to share it with others, to love freely in my expression and never ever hold back the truth of the Divine I hold within.’ This is beautiful to read Nicki, I know I have held back my love and expression in the past due to unresolved hurts. Most of humanity have hurts they are holding onto to so we all miss out on expressing our divine love and wisdom to each other – letting go of our hurts and learning to express in all areas of life has allowed me to feel more spacious and powerful.
Nicky, there is a tremendous amount of clarity, reflection and honesty that has preceded this blog that I am inspired by and appreciate you sharing. Thank you.
Nearly everyone has fallen for ways to improve their life on the outside as if this will soothe the unrest we all feel when it is a connection with ourselves and therefore others we miss. Living this way is a trap that we reassure amongst ourselves, we have set up our society so that looking outside of ourselves is continually reinforced as the solution to everything.
Living this way is a trap that we reassure amongst ourselves, we have set up our society so that looking outside of ourselves is continually reinforced as the solution to everything. This is so true Deanne, the lengths we will go to, to not feel the truth that we all feel and ignore daily, waiting for the status quo to change. How long are we going to wait?
Nikki, thank you for your God sent sharing. I was so meant to read this today as I am in the face of some uncomfortable situations and awarenesses at present. When I think of my own childhood I was so angry that my parents did not live the love that I felt they were but I behaved like the victim to this instead of taking responsibility for living this love myself, this is a huge learning for each and every one of us.
I think you are spot on Nicki. I work with families and child behaviours and in every single case the reaction to the lack of true connection has underpinned the behaviours and sadness expressed by both the children and parents alike. Bravo to you to for having chosen “CONNECTION to the innate loveliness you are … over … chasing a ‘better’ version of yourself” and for modelling and sharing this with your daughter. Connection is the fundamental basis of true parenting.
Nicki what you raise here is super important for all parents to read if not everyone as we all want true connection and not many of us had it when we were growing up. You provide valuable insight and the master key on how to deepen the relationship with our children and to meet them for who they truly are and not for what they can do. I know the more I build the connection with myself how this supports me to truly connect with my daughter – a win/win for everyone.
“rather than allowing them to ‘just be’ the awesome be-ings they already are?” I must say this feels like the most important thing: to confirm to children that they are already all they need to be and that there is nothing more amazing than who they are.
I agree, they are already awesome and it’s important to share that with them, as often they will doubt themselves.
To have that true connection to my innate loveliness is indeed more fulfilling than any form of a “better life” can bring. Because all this wanting and needing things is just the attempt to numb and distract from the emptiness we feel inside when we lost that connection.
“…so I figured I must be to blame if I was not feeling this was true for me.” I can so relate to what you are sharing here Nicki. My whole life I kept coming back to blaming myself whenever something seemed wrong – there was so little appreciation within me for who I am and the qualities that I bring – which I am only re-claiming and re-discovering now step by step.
I love this Nicki. As a society, we get so hung up on making everything “better” or even “seem better”. But what we have accepted and normalised as better, does not really feel better at all – the obesity, mental health and suicide rates in young people are evidence of this. Connecting with each other is what is missing – but this comes first from connecting with ourselves. Being so full of ourselves that we have no need for another to fulfil us, but just the joy that another can bring. Appreciation is an amazing tool in developing fullness – both for ourselves and for each other.
Re-reading this I have felt just how much so many adults either have or seek a ‘security blanket’ of modern comforts – if they also had been supported to live in connection than this too would be different.
“Let’s be honest, love is what we all truly want. So what if love in action is the true measure of success?” – Yes and connection in and from love brings us a greater richness.
People have never in the past respected what children wanted, the old saying ‘children should be seen and not heard’ how long has that affected us all? The children today can have all the answers to any question immediately accept for ‘Who am I’. The youth of today are more connected then any other previous generation and have a choice to be them selves or get lost in what is out there.
Unfortunately there is so much out there to get lost in.
Spot on so true, kids absorb so much being honest and transparent with them is so important and supportive for them equipping them to deal with the complexities of life.
I can very much relate to chasing the ‘more improved and better me’ and I can categorically state that it does not make one more fulfilled or happy (so called). When we re-connect to that inner loveliness that you so beautifully described Nicki, the chasing and searching stops because we do not need the recognition and acceptance from others because we know our own value and worth comes from who we are, and nothing with what we do. What an important thing to show to all children.
Absolutely Doug this kind of survey should bring a galactic stop and reflection of what is going on – i was a self harmer as kid and can say absolutely that i did not consider that what i was doing was self abusive – I just saw it as a way of a saying “I don’t care” because this was all i saw around me.
“Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.” Nikki this line really stands out for me, for it really is this simple, permission to look inward and be who we innately are and jump off the hamster wheel of seeking outside of ourselves for the answers.
This spoke to me too this morning. The lines jumped out from the page. I can see how, in an ongoing situation that I am dealing with, this wanting to be better than I am or doing better than I’m doing is just getting in the way of being all that I am and being inspired from there/here.
At school our children are measured by their success at their grades and so much emphasis is put onto this.
“True connection with myself and with others” how different would life be if our childhood education and upbringing was focussed on connection and knowing who we are rather than becoming everything our parents, peers and then ourselves think we need to become. The constant struggle to be better would vanish and a quality and at ease in ones body would replace it, as a result I have no doubt that the rates of illness and disease would drop dramatically, the healthcare system would be able to support those 20% of cases left, work environments would be truly enjoyable.
What an exquisite blog I really loved reading it, in it you share without blame what most of us experience, I especially felt it illuminating when you wrote that if society was saying what you had was great then you turned in on yourself to blame yourself for feeling it was not great. This lack of connection and honouring we are enough is the root of all our ills.
“Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.” It is all about connecting and feeling we are all one and the same in essence.
“I am not truly offering my child a ‘better life’ if it does not come with true connection”. The ‘better life’ seems promising but it is not fulfilling and there will always be a higher mountain to climb. How often do we see people who have everything but if you scratch the surface of their ‘happiness’ it is very empty underneath and they are often trapped in the comfortable life they have made and are stagnating in it. If children remain truly connected with themselves they will not need to distract or numb themselves with TV or drugs and they will not need anything to make themselves better for they would feel absolutely enough as they are.
Yes, Sandra pursuing the ‘better life’ and trying to give that to our children is exhausting, and disillusioning as all the effort leads to nothing but a persistent sense of emptiness. True connection on the other hand is our natural way of being with each other..
Janet the sad thing is there are many who are caught up in pursuing the better life and trying to give that to their children at the expense of their body and leaving themselves with a sense of emptiness.
It is a horrible reflection how unhappy our young people are and getting significantly more unhappy a doubling of depression and self harm in teenagers in the last 5 years according to head teachers, so what they are seeing on the ground so to speak. We are in crisis and we seem to want to keep chasing the dream of houses, holidays, good grades as if it is the holy grail of well being when in fact is underpinned by the lack of connection and emptiness that is the root cause of all the ill. We really need to get honest and from there we can start to let go of the drive of denial that is killing us and our kids.
Fiona so true, there is a lot being reflected to us and it’s up to us as adults to tart making changes so the children of the future can be inspired to make changes for themselves and not get caught in depression.
As much as on the outside it looks like we have it better each generation, to me it is getting worse. Not only are we so much more diconnected from each other , we are so much more disconnected from ourselves. There is very little down time in the young generation, time away from screans to look up and see the world and themselves.
I agree with you Heidi, there was a marked level of disconnection with teenagers when I was one in the 80’s but it pales into insignificance with what is now available for kids to check out with.
“…there was one thing missing most of the time – true connection with myself and with others”. Nikki this is so for most of us – looking at faces in the street I often see a vacancy that comes with lack of connection and even if people do engage with each other it comes with superficial mind talk, not the reality of conveying something that has true meaning for us. I know I have looked for this all my life and have only just started to reconnect with myself since being a student of Universal Medicine.
“Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.” Nicke I love this sentence as for me it expressed very simply what most of us are doing. You showed them that there is something worth chasing – the connection within ourselves.
‘Each generation is, generally speaking, perceived to have more than the last…’ The word perceived jumped out at me here, for that feels to me just how we try to avoid the truth of situations. Through allowing a ‘perception’ of improvement against some measure or another without allowing an awareness of the state of things as a whole.
We often want to be able to tell people how well our children are doing – the amazing university they are studying at, the degree that sounds important and intellectual, being able to tell everyone they have a partner, engaged, married and/or having a child. But what about when we are at the dinner table, the talk was about how they are as people – are they happy and healthy, is their relationship really loving, are they totally stressed out and medicating on drugs, alcohol or coffee, do they hate their jobs and constantly argue with their partner. At least these conversations would be honest rather than superficial, and something might being to change.
Thank you Rebecca. Being able to deepen the conversations we have and allow more care, love and understanding would be awesome. I have been more aware of this of late but your reminder is very welcome.
Nicki thank you for sharing this blog. When we live in connection and feel the innate love we are and express from this way of being, we are able to encourage and inspire children and others to do the same.
This is true Sally. In an environment like school where they are not supported in their connection, a foundation at home where we can inspire them is the only way.
As you say Nicki all we ever want is love – and when we share our innermost feelings as you have done so beautifully in your blog, we can feel this love in all it’s magnificence and how it connects us all together in unity and equality and deepens our connection to God.
That is lovely, Susan. If all children want is love, could we not imagine a different way of raising and educating them, making sure that love stayed as the foundation of their learning?
I love your blog, Nicki, it points out beautifully that we all have a choice to heal our wounds from the past. As society tries to make us believe that we as adults and our children need more, bigger, better things, it’s all about love and the choice to connect with ourselves and each other. As you express: “With understanding comes the realisation that things can be different – I can turn the tide and change my ways if I choose.” We can all choose love.
“We can all choose love.” It’s true Nathalie that the choice is ours and it is never too late to choose love. But we accept unloving behaviour as normal and so we are not always aware that we do have a choice until we see someone reflecting a way of life that is loving. It is our responsibility to appreciate ourselves so we can live with love and reflect to others that this is a possible choice.
Great point Susan I recognise this so well. Life was all about striving towards, getting, achieving and present to the world what ‘material possessions’ had been gained. The quality of lived life set by the wayside completely. I also felt that in many cases children over time were and still are to some degree pushed/coerced into growing up much quicker than they are ready for, not allowing for a natural unfoldment.
Marion, this phrase, ‘natural unfoldment’ is beautiful because it means that we are already that which we are but we will unfold naturally in our own timing, like a bud whose petals open up when the energy within impulses it. If we force it, we may even stunt the growth or disfigure it. Pushing children may produce results but it could also retard their inner development if it causes them to disconnect from their essence.
We do need a new measure of success – one that is not focused on what your job title is, the salary attached, having the perfect picture family with the nice house and car, but one that is a barometer of love in a persons life – they may have a great job and money, or they might not, but if they live a truly vital and healthy life, where they wake up each day and know the day will be amazing because they are in it, that have love in their relationships – surely that is far more successful, the kind of success you look back on when your old and approaching the end of your life and don’t regret. So many old people wish they had worked less hard and cared less about money and had instead spent more time with family and friends, enjoying life and telling people they loved them.
I love re-reading this blog, as it proves that it is never too late to make life about love, and our relationships can change for the better at any stage of life.
Isn’t the appearance of things becoming ‘better’ the false reassurance that we are doing ok when deep down we all know that we are far from living the harmonious and vital life which is in our true nature. Children offer us the unadulterated reflection of this – the calling out for connection – if we but so listen.
absolutely true Michael. The calling out from the children comes in many ways.If we are to really feel into the many behaviours from the children they are all calling out for connection, from the so called naughty child, to the child who is pushing themselves to be recognised by their high grades.
I agree Gill the fact that we have more technology and physically comfortable lives than ever before and yet the rates of mental and other illnesses are rising rapidly suggests that we are going about life in the wrong order!
I know I also had everything you could want growing up in terms of a stable and comfortable home and material possessions and a supportive family life. However I always also had a deep nagging feeling that something was missing. That something I realised later as an adult was a strong connection to the love that I am and an ability to express this love unhindered. I’m not complaining about my childhood because it was beautiful in lots of ways and I do not hold anyone else responsible for this as everyone around me was also in the same boat! Once I realised what was missing I have been steadily rebuilding this connection and am now passing this on to my kids so they might just keep their lights on longer than I did as a child and not have to rediscover it as adults.
I would say the greatest thing I can give my children is the space and grace to be who they truly are.
Andrew that is beautiful and being able to give this to your children would be based on the fact that you are like this with yourself first.
“Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.”- so beauty-fully claimed Nikki. I too am finding this to be true as I am learning that all I need in life is already with in me- it’s a matter of reconnection to our natural divine essence.
So much of our focus with raising children seems to be based on ensuring that they do not get hurt by the world. So we want them to get a good job, have a good relationship, be normal so as not to stand out too much etc etc etc. But in the process we forget that the greatest gift we can give a child is to allow them to acknowledge their own connection to love.
I agree Adam we believe that we are doing the best for our kids by bringing them security in the temporal world, however I know many adults who have it all in terms of worldly security but are very insecure on the inside. So what is more important – fitting in with how the world currently wants us to be, or having a strong connection to who you are?
Yes, Adam and Andrew, if the one thing we taught our children was to have a strong connection with themselves first and foremost, the world would be a very different place.
Yes Andrew, this ‘security’ is really a false sense of comfort because if we lose the job or anything we identify ourselves with then we are left facing our inner security which will be there until we build a strong connection with ourselves.
It’s true Adam but we get lost in wanting to protect our children from not feeling the pain that we did so go out of our way to prevent this but all the while this pandering and wrapping up in cotton wool is actually making our children much less resilient and more disconnected than ever before as they rely on us, their parents more and more.
Could this pushing children to be something that they are not to have a better life be the cause of the rise in mental illness? The World Health Organization states that worldwide 10-20% of children and adolescents are diagnosed with a mental disorder. These are just the figures with those diagnosed. The better life is not all that it’s made up to be as we can have it all – the job, the house, the car and the picture perfect family life – but how are our children truly feeling inside as they’re pushed to strive for the better life? That’s the real question.
“Could this pushing children to be something that they are not to have a better life be the cause of the rise in mental illness?” Shevon this is a question well worth pondering and it would be worth doing a study on the correlation between pushing children to achieve and the rise of mental illness.
I would say yes this is definitely possible Shevon and it’s a great point that you have raised. Tied in with pushing for better are the expectations both from parents wanting the best for children but also as children get older having expectations of themselves. Having expectations creates such a falseness about life that we are bound to let ourselves down by. Being continually disappointed through not meeting our expectations, setting ourselves up for failure or making ourselves so exhausted with the constant striving. All a recipe for mental health issues and drug and alcohol use and abuse (which links in very closely with mental health).
‘Are we really offering children a better life? Or are we encouraging or even pushing them to ‘become better’, rather than allowing them to ‘just be’ the awesome be-ings they already are?’ A great question to reflect on… that makes all the difference to our lives.
I agree Jenny- there is still a push for children to achieve in our society and the intensity of ‘bettering them” is greater, starting at a very young age. What a difference it would make if we just let them be and appreciate their natural loveliness and wisdom that they all have.
It is a great question, for when children are born they are balls of ‘beingness’ that they are absolutely adored for. Then we begin to acknowledge them for what they do, which then starts to take over and we forget that they (and we also) are awesome and amazing before they do anything at all.
Nicki, this is really gorgeous, ‘Let’s be honest, love is what we all truly want. So what if love in action is the true measure of success?’ I love this measure of success, if children in schools were measured successful when they were being their loving selves, there would be no need for pushing, self-doubt, competition and comparison.
Don’t we all want a connected life, regardless of age?
That statistic is truly shocking Doug. How have we allowed our picture of ‘normal’ to look like this? What will it take for us all to accept that there is something significantly wrong if only one child is cutting themselves let alone the numbers you mention. This figure does not even take into account all those children who have other mental health issues all coming under the same banner as normal.
There are so many stories of families having not much but so much love and the strength of this outweighs so many things. I was reminiscing with my family about how it was when they were much younger and we didn’t have a lot, certainly not the distractions we have now, even though they were young they remember the simplicity, it was a good reminder.
Technology certainly can isolate and separate us. I see people walking down the road ‘together’ and one person is avidly chatting on their phone and totally ignoring the person they are holding hands with. And parents sitting with their children in airports and restaurants organising them to play on tablets etc whilst the adults are working on their own phones. No wonder we feel a constant disconnection from ourselves and others.
Nicki, this is a very inspiring blog to read. Tracking back through your own childhood and the lack of true connection felt primarily with significant others and the behaviours you used to’ fill the gap’ to sharing the different choices to turn this scenario around. How beautiful to know and reflect that you can inspire your daughter and others to also know the Divine within.
“I now understand the importance of claiming the loving connection I felt lacking in my early years. It’s time to live the love and inspire my daughter to acknowledge and claim that ever-present love she too holds within. It’s time to allow myself the space and encouragement to bring it to life, to share it with others, to love freely in my expression and never ever hold back the truth of the Divine I hold within”.
‘Looking to adults in my life to fill the void I felt inside, instead of feeling love and contentment in myself’ This so needs to change – when you see children who are brought up to appreciate themselves, the light simply shines out of their eyes,
Those rhetorical questions you asked are so key in bringing awareness and understanding to long-buried emotions. I’ve found looking at where they originate from brings a deeper acceptance and an appreciation of the true me that was hidden behind those emotions.
‘It was confusing because society was telling me the relationships I had were normal and good so I figured I must be to blame if I was not feeling this was true for me.’ I so relate to what is written here but until now had not realised that in my need to fix myself it was because I was seeing that the outside must be right as that is how everyone else was living and relating. Having no connection with myself and grandness I was looking to change to make my relationship good again when all I had to do was stop and reconnect to the love in me. This then exposes how topsy turvy the world is, as this blog so beautifully presents.
No matter how long we chase betterment outside of ourselves, we eventually come to know we will not ever find what it is we’re looking for as it is a never ending search, and from that point on we can begin to turn the focus in, realising in building our inner relationship we too build a truer connection with all else.
Thank you, Nicki, for all the pearls in this blog. Today the line that stood out was – “What if life is really about living in connection with self and all others – feeling and enjoying the deep love held within us all?” If life really is that simple and love is all we require to thrive, it exposes all the complication and ‘much ado about nothing’ that keeps us caught up in drama and busyness.
So true Janet – ‘Much ado about nothing’ is a societal disease.
Letting go of the blame that we often can lay at the feet of our parents is very important for us to be able to understand and learn from this time in our lives and can be transformational in terms of the relationships we have with them and others.
So true Michael. It is easy to blame our parents and not take responsibility for our part in it. There can be no blame when we accept the choices that we made, then our awareness can truly blossom.
The idea that every generation can aspire to be better off than the previous one is simply an image that plays us big time and that points us in a specific direction regarding our choices (including what do we have to work hard at). The re-construction of love in our bodies –the most needed work we have to do– is not often part of that agenda. It is not part of what the image inspires either.
The image of a secure life is very enticing. It is the most adopted to deal with a world that only offers us insecurity. Building love and relying upon it to produce the right constellation is an alternative to it. Both are about treasuring. Yet, the treasure they rely upon is different.
We have got to back to front. A secure life is one where we live with and from the riches of our inner heart, openness and connection to others.
It is not about offering our kids a better life. It is about offering them a better preparation for life.
As a parent, child and human being, I LOVE this article. It is simple and yet so powerful, cutting through the complication of all the thinking about why things are the way they are; putting me firmly, responsibly and inspiringly back in the driving seat. Thank you, Nicki.
This is a huge subject to raise, as most parents want the ‘best for their children’ but it is often externalised and becomes what the child does and what parents can give rather than meeting the child from love and building on who they already are! Our kids feel this missing sense of connection and really being met with not one ounce of expectation put on them, not even the parent or other adults wanting something from the child for their own confirmation to feel loved. There comes a point in our lives as children where many of us felt that sense of void, or emptiness, or lonely, markers of the lack of connection we feel with our selves and others. The greatest and truest offering we can give our children is ‘connection’, for them to develop their connection with them selves, a loving relationship and our connection with them.
What you and Nikki have shared here Karoline is such an important offering for it reveals what true parenting is, and is not, and how simple it can be. But as adults we do need to acknowledge and then let go of the hurt we also carry from our own childhood for exactly the same thing. For I am sure that children will most definitely reflect to us everything that we need to learn about too and whilst we are busy improving and bettering our lives, all of this will get swept under the carpet.
True connection with each other in life is what we all crave and truly want and it is in the missing of this from child hood that we all look to what we do and the outside for this and fail miserably. From this emptiness with ourselves and others we strive to fit boxes and have everything only to discover that this is never enough as true love and connection is what it is all about with brotherhood as oneness and joy.
What if the world is not as complicated as we think? Sure there are a host of issues that we could list, but what if the true cause is as simple as us not having our slow cooker plugged in to the right socket on the wall? We can read a million books on how a cooker is and where to place it. Go to courses on coooker technology. But what if it is more simple?! All we simply need to do is connect (to love)? The rest it seems may then steam, boil saute and take care of itself. Thank you Nicki for this blog.
Our kids want other people to look them in the eyes and truly connect…. not ask them how well they did at school or compliment their shoes. We have such an opportunity to bring a deeper connection with children. It just starts with us and the rest will flow naturally.
Oh gosh Kathryn so true, but you see the effects of children not being met by the way they avert their eyes when connected to in this way as they don’t want you to see the hurt they carry.
We come in as shining diamonds and get asked to be more…. how can we be better than the divinity we already know?
Is it more that, we come in as diamonds, just like everyone else, to a world of people that do not recognise they are diamonds (which is the first thing that does not make sense) and then we get asked to be something else which is never quite achievable?
This is a lovely simple article that shows that we all know what we really want in life – connection and love. I wondered as I was reading if parents trying to give their kids more is an admission that they know soothing was missing for them. We all know that we can buy kids the most amazing toys and instead of playing with them they choose to play with things they find around the home like pots and pans.
As children all we truly want is connection. Because we often don’t get it we learn to place value on other things. We then take these value systems into our adult lives. No wonder the world is topsy turvy! We place money, possessions and image so much higher in importance than human connection, when in fact we still have that same longing inside us. Totally crazy.
Yes this is true Rebecca this longing for love does not go away just because we become an adult, we are just able to mask it with the life we build for ourselves until we realise that none of that is ‘it’ and then we can start to re-discover what we were all along!
I feel you have unearthed a great truth about human nature Rebecca. We don’t get connection so we place value on other things. I agree it is crazy but the more we really value ourselves and our connections the less crazy it gets.
Incredible, inspiring and powerful blog Nicki. True connection, love and intimacy is what many of us crave for, so why hold it back when we can choose to live with these qualities now? I would be re-reading your blog again and again, it is an awesome reminder of the simplicity of parenting, to just connect to ourselves and our children. No gift in this world purchased can ever beat unconditional love and true connection expressed and shared
“No gift in this world purchased can ever beat unconditional love and true connection expressed and shared” – How absolutely true.
Great point Doug and it only makes the news for a short period of time, as it is “new” and a quite shocking behavior. At the same time consuming alcohol, getting stoned to school and taking all kind of drugs has already become normal and only if someone is not being able to keep up with the social requirements anymore it is looked into it. Adult life normal is so massively abusive that our kids behavior is considered as moderate and normal.
“It’s time to live the love and inspire my daughter to acknowledge and claim that ever-present love she too holds within.” This is one of the best ever tips on parenting I’ve read Nicki.
Wow Nicki, this one question has the potential to change the world as we know it – “What if the so-called improvements that deliver us to love are the only true advances for mankind?” Thank you for sharing this.
This is a real stand out suggestion from Nicki “love is the only true advance”, that will support humanity to evolve and re-connect to the natural joy and vitality we have all the potential in the universe to be.
Finally realising that the way I had been living was a result of my choices brought me the simple but very powerful knowing that “I can turn the tide and change my ways if I choose”. By making the choice to connect to me and to live from this most natural connection, not only do I love the way that I am now living, my connection to others brings me so much joy.
‘It was confusing because society was telling me the relationships I had were normal and good so I figured I must be to blame if I was not feeling this was true for me.’ Of course this is what I did too although I had not seen it so clearly as I have today reading your blog. So great to continually be freed from these mindsets that hold us back and have us living a half life, or even less than that at times.
It is an amazing setup that we are offered something in our childhood that looks like it should be ‘it’ but isn’t ‘it’ at all. Then if you feel something is missing you feel something must be wrong with you, ungrateful etc. On a huge scale, we are denied our knowing that the picture of the ‘good life’ doesn’t carry with it the fullness of a true, connected life.
Yes Fiona I agree. And the ‘Good Life’ gets reinforced all around us all the time. On the news, in the schools and at work. It’s all about what you did and how much you achieved. Never about the quality of your relationships and how loving you are as a person.
Yes Fiona , a huge set-up, and in retrospect I can see how I totally fell for it.
Thank you Fiona and Elaine, an ‘Ah Ha’ moment from your comments exposing the set up from something looking like it should be ‘it’ but isn’t ‘it’ at all. It is the perfect way to foster self doubt, comparison, jealousy and judgment and forever blaming oneself for something being wrong with us personally. Life is then based on always being lesser than another. Disconnection from the true inner essence is constantly perpetrated from this.
Then if you feel something is missing you feel something must be wrong with you, ungrateful etc”.
For me that is one of the greatest ‘killers’ – the fact that as children we are feeling one thing (the truth of love) and being told another. Of course we always have a choice but it is trickier to hold fast with the truth of our feelings when the world is saying something else. I was always knocked sideways when people told me how lucky I was, when what I felt was the devastation of disconnection.
A true life is the best gift a parent could offer their child. A ‘better life’ will involute where as a true life will evolve us. Your daughter, Nicki, is super lucky to have you as her mother to support her to be who she really is.
Do WE want a better life or a connected life?
It really does come down to that Alexis.
Everyone is craving a connected life
We already have a better life and it seems we are more disconnected than ever. Awesome question Alexis.
The thing with better is it is never an end goal for there will always be more, continually bettering will always miss the mark, for if connection is not truly sought it shall always be missing.
I agree Giselle and because this knowing is not a common sense, most of us are on this trip of bettering ourselves. There is hardly an area where we are not asked to better ourselves – it is really time to stop this way of living as it leaves us empty and unsatisfied.
I have traveled a lot when I was younger and what has stayed with me is several experiences of meeting people who had so much less than myself and where I came from and yet they seems to have much more joy and contentment than anyone I knew back home. It made me realise that no matter how much we own, no matter how much comfort we build around us and no matter how much education we get, it makes us very poor if we lose the connection to our own heart and to others around us.
Thank you for sharing Carolien. It is so true that its not about comforts and indeed the apparent comforts can cover up the lack of the real connection and intimacy a child is seeking.
Wow, now that was a brilliant thing to see at an early age, Carolien – I spotted it later and it has gone a long way to debase the allure of being part of the ‘materialism flood’.
Nicky, your opening sentence ‘Each generation is, generally speaking, perceived to have more than the last’ grabbed me as if we are willing to look past the outer layer we can see that we have been going the other direction. Too many children are on medication, substance abuse, mental health care, and all this at an increasingly younger age. Our educational system is failing more and more. We need to become honest about this if we want to even start at looking to make a difference.
I agree that education does not promote the fullness of the amazing beings they have in their care. I certainly became a very good student, able to churn out whatever information I was asked for but completely lost who I was as a person. I feel we also need to look closer to home. Parents are the biggest role models in a child’s life and if we as parents have fallen for all the trappings of comfort and bettering our life, we have no chance of sharing true connection with our kids. It has to start with us in our homes.
Very true Doug. Normal does not mean natural or true. Normal is simply what most people are doing. It is wise to challenge the norm.
We indeed live in a time where normal is what the majority of people are doing without questioning, is this a symptom of a deeper discontent and living in such a way that is not true to ourselves.
Nicki I love your sharing especially this “But there was one thing missing most of the time, true connection with myself and with others; that is the kind of unconditional love that lets a child know that no matter what they do or say, in their hearts they are amazing”. If only we all knew that when we were or are growing up in our families how different this world would be. This is beautiful Nicki, thank you.
In England, it appears the powers that be in schooling seem to stop at nothing to keep children from connecting with themselves and others through the unnecessary stress lumped on them. Therefore it is down to us parents to show true connection so they can learn from the livingness of this. This is something I am still learning myself so there will still be many mistakes along the way.
No perfection required, Kevin! But for every moment we honour, acknowledge, accept or appreciate our kids for simply being them, we ‘re-write’ the social norms and systems and that for me is the joy of responsibility.
Great point Doug. And very true. We actually need to stop using the word ‘normal’ instead of ‘common’. It is common that many are displaying behaviours that are a cry for help and saying that this is not a true way to be however it is not normal. Normal is to be with the love, surrender and tenderness we were born with as babies not the unease that many live with and the so called ways to deal with that unease. Just because a majority are doing something that is harming does not make it normal, it makes it common.
Well said Johanna. Yes, COMMON behaviour puts it into context. There is absolutely nothing that is normal in this accepted behaviour of self harm prevalent amongst children today. Why is this cry for help being ignored by society and glossed over it to make it ‘normal’.
I have always enjoyed reading and was able to shut out the world quite strongly – similar to what happens to today’s children. However, afterwards I always felt empty – less so when I read a really good book but then the emptiness was still there, I just had more vitality but the key point was that I always felt unfulfilled.
The same has happened as I got older and got intensely involved on a computer – the emptiness was always there, unless there was a true purpose in my work on the computer, then I could get up and feel quite (not totally) harmonious.
I love your honesty Nicki. It is gorgeous to think that other people will read this and relate to what you have shared, inspiring them to get honest about how they too have experienced or chosen the disconnection, so that they can address it through awareness and understanding and then choose a more loving way forward. Gorgeous.
One of the ways that I know Nicki you are right in your account of bringing up children is when looking into the eyes of little toddlers and often seeing that all they want is to be met with love and in moments they are upset, seeing how much they feel abandoned on this basic level of human interaction. This is a common awareness when in public spaces, how very young children are so open to interaction and seeking their own reflection of love in others -a Soul impulsed behaviour.
That’s a great point, Aimee. The world, the environment we are welcoming our children into is already far from what is true, and everything about it challenges and erodes what they dearly hold as true. And it is our responsibility to live the re-connection we have found to confirm and reflect that there is a way.
Children and young adults and adults are also choosing to watch only youtube channels and stream favourite shows – they are creating their own version of reality and further disconnecting themselves from the real world and what is actually happening around them.
And one of the modern new toys to have are games, phones and computers. This technology , phones and games is where we champion our evolution and believe we have a ‘better life’ but in reality it has meant we are more disconnected than ever before as a humanity. If you have ever seen a person on a game or phone – you know exactly what is happening. Walk into a cafe and see adults, parents and children sitting on devices – in total disconnection to each other. Are we evolving or devolving – what success criteria are we using?
Gosh I know what you mean Gina. Just yesterday I sat on a tram and watched people out the window walking through a busy crowded street. So many were actually texting as they walked. Heads down and scuffling along. In a world full of people we are seeking company to fill the void. In truth if we felt connected with ourselves the way we moved through a crowd would be totally different. We would look at each other and feel the union of others. Joy 🙂 🙂
Wonderful blog Nicki. I am in education and work with young teenagers everyday. They have all the modern trimmings and most of them are academically very bright. However, I find they are unable to relate and interact in a true way. They can not look me in the eye, greet me with comfort – they are very disconnected. In my classrooms we learn how to connect to each other, greet each other and the importance to bring this to all others in their lives. We speak of this connection being our true intelligence and not just academic results.
Brilliant Gina, for each child in your classroom now has a reference point to look for outside of the classroom. Child by child, person by person, when connection is by which we move so too will separation begin to dissolve.
When half the children, or any children for that matter, are cutting themselves surely it is time to stop and take an honest in depth look and ask why? Why would anyone want to harm themselves when life can be so full of love, joy and harmony – clearly there is something wrong here that needs to be addressed. It is quite incredible that we as a humanity cannot see that even one person harming themselves is not ok.
It is clear that our incessant strive for making our lives ‘better’ is not working. We only need to honestly look at the quality of how our children are living as a whole to get a clear picture of what is really happening. Self-harm, eating disorders, drug and alcohol abuse in our children’s behaviours are on the rise, let alone looking at our lack health and well-being trends in ourselves as adults. Do we question ‘why is this so?’ As even in an age where we are so advanced technologically we are as a humanity living with such high dis-regard of the basic self-love and care principles for ourselves. How can we guide our children to live the fullness of who they are, in connection to the preciousness of their Divine Love, when we ourselves are not willing to look honestly at how we are living? There is something missing in our lives and it is not the latest computer game, the new phone or device, the popular group we have to belong to or the clothes we have to have, the food we have to eat, the next party we have to be at or lifestyle we have to live, it is our connection to ourselves first as without this we never seem to full-fill the emptiness that we seek to fill. It is only through our connection to ourselves that we come to know that we already ARE everything, and the need to seek is no longer exists, through which we can then bring in full the presence of our loving quality to all we do and all we meet.
Wow Carola, a powerful comment. It really exposing and highlights that our current disregarding choices are not working and our behaviours are an evident of this. It is through taking responsibility to truly live a life fully connected to ourselves and others that we are then able to contribute and reflect our true qualities to our new generation and our community.
Indeed true connection is the answer to all our ills and maladies and the foundation for ongoing sustainable wellbeing.
Indeed true connection is the answer to all our ills and maladies and the foundation for ongoing sustainable wellbeing.
“Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.” How true that is, Nikki, connection to the divine that we come from is the only true thing that matters in this world of ours. We have wasted so many aeons running away from that truth, what crazy beings we are when we let our spirits run our lives. Trying to better ourselves, thinking we are improving over the generations, is such a distraction to what will truly improve our lives – to get back to our true connection to the great love we come from. The world now needs role models of how to live this great connection. It is up to those of us who are beginning to wake up to live true to ourselves in this beautiful connection to live this way to the best of our ability, and be those role models that the world needs. And how simple is that, no more need to be better, just to BE who we truly are – Sons of God. How you are now living with your daughter, being the role model to her, and loving her for who she is, is just what you need to be with her, showing her The Way.
Thank you Nicki for this stunning blog reflecting the truth of what we truly all want in our lives; connection to our Love and a loving connection shared with others. As this is our natural way of being and it is clear that this is missing in so many lives though which we seek to numb the pain or hurt that stems from the separation to our Love. How can we know who we are if we have lost our connection to ourselves? How can our children walk knowing with confidence that their Light is what is needed in our world today if they cannot feel the power of who they truly are? This power is not found anywhere in the world outside of ourselves yet when we are connected to our Love we find this is naturally present and that the power of this Love is present within every single one of us. There is nothing that can ‘better’ the innate Love that we all are and what we are born to live, as this is everything already. This is our guiding Light through which we can live, in full, all that we are in the world we walk in. And knowing that this is who we are is a far greater way of living that any ‘betterment’ that is on offer in the world outside ourselves.
Children will beam all the love and joy they naturally feel back to you when you connect with them as an equal and in the joy and love of who you are – it is so gorgeous and inspiring to see and to feel.
Being brought up in a life of true connection and love is an amazing gift and what we all truly want and crave. Allowing this for ourselves first will change the world and that of our children and is the way forward as you share so beautifully Nicki. Unconditional love is everything and is our foundation to be all we are and beats all the outside things and so called better life typically offered outside of ourselves out there. Thank you for this great sharing.
“. . . true connection with myself and with others; that is, the kind of unconditional love that lets a child know that no matter what they do or say, in their hearts they are amazing.” What a natural gift to offer children – that in their hearts they know they are amazing. It’s a tangible feeling the difference this would make in our lives if this was truly lived, honored and appreciated in us all from young. Having an awareness is a great time to start, it is never too late to re-connect to our hearts.
The beautiful aspect of what you share here Nicki is that simplicity whereby underneath it all regardless of what we have done, the bottom line is is that we seek love, true love, and seek to be true love simply because that is who we naturally are, we just were not met and honoured for that
I totally agree Joshua and so we can simply choose this for ourselves which then inspires others to do the same.
I love the simplicity of what you have shared Joshua. We tend to focus on all the things we can see we need to change in our kids, focussing only on the extremes like the addictions, self-harm, suicide etc but the goal is to get them back to what we see as the normal life that Nikki had growing up. What we really need to get back to is the fact that we all miss love and know the way we are living is not loving or connected. This is what causes the tension and is the root of the problem whether the outcome is eating disorders or checking out with technology.
There is a lot to be said naming family life as ‘normal’, because ‘normal’ can mean so many things for different people. Normal can be fighting and paying out on each other everyday or normal could be eating dinner in front of the TV and not talking. From experience when a child is told ‘hey this is normal’ or ‘it’s not as bad as some families’, we then either start burying those feelings that are saying ‘this is definitely not love’ and make it work for us or even if everyone is saying the opposite, stay with our connection and feel everything. I didn’t but as you have so beautifully shared here Nicki we can re-connect to what we know at any time.
The picture at the head of this article says it all – a beautiful young face, completely composed and being herself, with an almost cheeky smile. How gorgeous we all can be when brought up to feel our own loving connection.
This is the simple yet oh so powerful truth Carmel – ‘How gorgeous we all can be when brought up to feel our own loving connection.’ – Well said. Our absolute gorgeousness is beyond compare when we are in connection to ourselves.
I too was stopped in my tracks by the photo and the inner confidence that shines through her connection with herself and the photographer. It’s truly beautiful and deeply inspiring to witness the power of true connection.
I agree Samantha, that photo says it all. So much inner confidence and absolute connection that is expressed so gorgeously through her whole face. Right there is a true reflection of real inner beauty for all to see.
Love in action – a true measure of success, now that is a world I would love to live in. Not what car or degree you have but how much you love.
Thank you Nicki for a super honest blog that left me much to ponder on! I can totally relate when you say that “Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.” – I wish someone had told me that when I was a child, as it would have saved me a whole lot of angst, exhaustion, confusion and sadness that resulted from getting caught up in trying to be “better”.
I agree Hannah…except I got caught up in trying to fix everything and everyone – making sure the world and everyone else around me was ok so then I would be ok: all driven by lack of self worth, and a very exhausting way of living, rather than “Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with”… how gorgeous, how simple and how liberating knowing that is all we need to be.
I agree with you, Hannah, I too wish I had told me that when I was a child, I would not have wasted most of my life trying to be someone that I was not, living a life buried in books to distract me from the great emptiness and lack of self worth that I was feeling. But then my parents also never had anyone to explain about their connection to the Divine, or to love them unconditionally for who they were. How wonderful it is that some of us now actually KNOW who we are, it is up to us to live from that knowing, be role models to others who may be open to the possibilities and to bring up our young as the true tender beings they are, love them unconditionally and teach them how to connect to their true selves so they do not have to suffer the huge angst that so many of us grew up with. It is time to turn the tables back to LOVE.
I agree Hannah – surely this is a lesson for all of humanity
I agree Hannah, “Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.” – I wish someone had told me that when I was a child’ when it is written like this it seems so crazy that we do leave ourselves and try and find a ‘better’ version of ourselves, when we are already amazing just as we are, the thing is that sensitivity, sweetness, tenderness and gentleness are not seen as the amazing qualities that they are, in fact they are often looked down upon, especially with boys, these qualities often get labelled as weaknesses with parents trying to ‘toughen children up’ so they don’t feel so much.
How amazing it would be if we could teach children that it is possible to just be amazing before they do anything. There is so much hurt that could be avoided when we understand that it is not up to another person to fill us up with love, it is up to us to be full of love. It is truly time for all of us to know this and to inspire others through our embracing of how we naturally are.
This is paramount Nicki, for every child to know them-self with this level of love through those around them. ‘But there was one thing missing most of the time – true connection with myself and with others; that is, the kind of unconditional love that lets a child know that no matter what they do or say, in their hearts they are amazing.’ I too can relate to this as my up bringing was ‘normal’ even though at times we struggled but I was left with this needing or lacking of some sort- and this was the very important and essential connection part. Every child deserves connection and our world would be far truer if we all made an effort.
I agree Johanna. To know and live a life of true quality comes only from knowing and living in connection with ourselves. Without our connection to ourselves we cannot truly connect with others and this is what leads us to exist in senseless ways that seek only to numb, mask and hide from the hurt and pain we truly feel from our separation of our Love. And as you have powerfully said here for us all to take note, as it is true for all of us – ‘Every child deserves connection and our world would be far truer if we all made an effort.’
We give birth to children who know that they are equal sons of God and yet by the time we’ve finished with them they no longer have a clue who they really are. What’s ironic is that most parents would swear blind that they’ve done a great job.
Yes, Alexis, but then they just don’t know better. We have all done it, I too had no idea of who I truly was as I brought up my family, and by the time I had finished with them they had no idea of who they really were. How sad it is that so many generations have come into this world not knowing who they truly are. With increasing numbers now coming to a realisation of who we truly are, it is up to us to live from this connection, showing others that there is another way to be, and treating all we come in contact with, with love and understanding. Over time we can turn things around as more and more people come to know who they truly are. It is up to us to be the role models for those who are open to another way of living.
Ouch! What a great delivery of truth this is if we are willing to be honest. Clearly highlights the responsibility we all have to re-claim and live who we are so we can lead the way of living the Divinity we are all born to live.
Well said Alexis
Gosh, this is a great expose of the blindness of human intelligence.
Nicki through understanding yourself you have clearly come to understand life. What you have raised is of huge significance. If we, as a society were able to address this one topic then we would be able to address every topic.
I couldn’t agree more Alexis, the answers lie in the depth of connection we have to ourselves and to others…. everything can be explained and understood through this, or the lack of it.
Wow Doug that is full on. More than half of the children self-harming. Seriously we have to ask what is going on, we may think we have it better than before but this shows we seriously have something wrong.
‘All these things are supposedly giving our children more opportunities to be whatever they want to be’. That gave me pause to consider the underlying reason for creating all these opportunities – I’m not saying there is anything wrong with them, and of course advancements in technology, travel, education, health are all opportunities for more, but more of what? The sad reflection is that they are not creating a more content, balanced, loving world. Instead anxiety, exhaustion, overwhelm etc are all at an all time peak. We are not any more connected to ourselves as a result of these advancements, and so they just end up being ever more interesting distractions from that simple connection to ourselves that deep down we all crave.
Yes, I agree Simon… it is a wonder we aren’t all shouting from the rooftops about the extremes of anxiety, exhaustion and overwhelm etc along with all the extremes in behaviour that are happening around the world, and saying ‘enough is enough – this world is getting too crazy’, but we can become so enmeshed in all these distractions which help us avoid how we are truly feeling and what deep down we truly miss. We need to stop and take a very honest look at how we are not doing so well as a humanity.
Absolutely Simon, so well said. We all crave the most simple thing and that is connection with ourselves, and to be free of anxiety, exhaustion and overwhelm! This can be achieved without all the marvels of technology and opportunities.
I agree with you Doug, much of what we define normal behaviour is nowadays what I would rather describe as abusive, abusive to self and/or abusive to others. That definitely includes self harming and cutting as you say so many children are now taking part in. I would also include sexting and cyber abuse, they also are becoming so common that many would regard them now as being normal behaviour.
It is time for us to recognise a new normal, even if it only covers a few of us who refrain from these, for me, abusive behaviours. Just because over half the population behaves in certain ways, we don’t have to recognise them as ‘normal’. The present use of the word is certainly a mockery of the word ‘normal’.
You are so on to something so very important here Nicki, something that we shouldn’t really have to think about or discuss because it should just be and yet love and connection are the last thing on the minds of the powers that be in charge of educating our kids when all the emphasis is on reading, writing and maths and the pressure of testing from a very young age. Our kids need love and support not constant pressure.
A truly beautiful blog, Nicki, I love it. And a very profound question you posed here, “What if life is really about living in connection with self and all others – feeling and enjoying the deep love held within us all? What if a true ‘better life’ required no outside confirmation or achievement to feel fulfilled?” Yes, yes, yes from me. For me, l realise now that life is definitely about living in connection with myself and all others and feeling that deep love that is within us all. When I disconnect from myself, then up come the feelings of rejection (of myself), and loneliness, self-pity etc., yet when connected, I feel the deep love that I am. And from previously being a very lonely person, now I find so long as I am connected to myself, I feel such a deep love for everyone else that I interact with, spreading out to encompass all of humanity much of the time. And yes, also, there is no need any more for confirmation from anyone else to feel fulfilled, there is no emptiness within me that needs any filling, I am so full of myself.
It seems the ‘normal’ way for children to live is so full of things to do with so much expectation on them to achieve, there is little space allowing them to just be. Is it then any wonder when we are recognised for the things we do from such an early age that we think this is the normal way instead of connecting to the true love we all are without the overriding need for recognition from outside ourselves. How can we ever truly know ourselves when we seek recognition from outside ourselves. Love what you have expressed Nicky and I whole heartedly agree “the simple knowing that my being is a part of that amazing, magnificent love feels better than anything I’ve experienced or tried to fill myself with”.
“For me it’s about acknowledging that I am not truly offering my child a ‘better life’ if it does not come with true connection” – yes Nicki, bettering without love, betters only the lovelessness from a non-presence of connection, or meeting of another on the same level as equals.
I love the fact that connection is freely available to everyone, no matter our age, education, socio-economic status, language, gender, race, political leaning, height, weight….. its universal.
I agree, Simon and with the words.’The best bit is knowing this love is accessible to all who walk the earth.’
What you write about here Nicki speaks volumes because life for so many people appears normal (good upbringing etc..) but exposes that underneath it there is a ‘something is not quite right’. Many people are feeling that but not many people are talking about it. So thank you for having this conversation out in the open.
“Let’s be honest, love is what we all truly want. So what if love in action is the true measure of success?” What greater marker of true success is there than this? There is none.
Thank you Nicky, simply and beautifully put “The simple knowing that my being is a part of that amazing, magnificent love feels better than anything I’ve ever experienced or tried to fill myself with. The best bit is knowing this love is accessible to all who walk the earth.”
Love what you share here Nicki…no amount of ‘better’ makes life ‘better’ because the quality of ‘better’ is not the truth of what we are truly seeking which is Love.
However being true to who we innately and naturally are, filling ourselves from the inside out, brings so much love, joy and harmony so worth sharing with everyone.
Common is not the same as ‘normal’ and doesn’t make it right. I love this blog as it highlights what is true and our natural way and exposes what society has got caught up in and feels comfortable with. If connection is what it is all about then everyone including our Education system has to take responsibility for what is happening and make different choices
Life is very simple and Nicki your blog makes this very clear. We can add complication if we choose but we do not need it. Connection and love are something we are all capable of and need no external factor for. No matter what our situation we can offer these two qualities to everyone around us.
Yes Nikki it is that simple and takes all the striving out of life. We are all equally able to connect and can choose to at any time.
I love what you say here Nikki, ‘Connection and love are something we are all capable of and need no external factor for.’ when we make our lives about people life is simple and a joy to commit to.
Nikki I love following sentences: ” We can add complication if we choose but we do not need it.” That is why I love simplicity – it is so easy!
I can also relate to the outer looking good. Having all the outer boxes ticked and external needs met and still feeling empty and as though something is missing can be quite a challenge. Society tells you you should be happy. I began to question myself and think that there was something wrong with me. But i knew that there was something missing. I didn’t know I knew what it was but it was connection all along.
When my child was younger we didn’t have much. I became quite focussed on building a better life for us. We ate fairly well and were warm but I worried he didn’t have enough toys, that we weren’t going to exciting places that my lack of money was impacting him negatively. However, I never did stop to appreciate that what I had to offer was love and connection. It is a nice reminder now. Back then it was extreme but I still carry that now and it plays out. I work a lot – which is fine, but I can be in harmony and place no more importance on work than I do on anything else. My love is what is needed in our home more than anything else.
That is priceless Nikki…
Yes, bigger and better screens may not represent progress.
This is such an important topic. Without true connection life seems meaningless…in no sense is this going to support anyone. Learning about true love and connection builds meaningful and deeply fulfilling relationships that foster a sense of true wellbeing and commitment to life.
Well said Jenny. Without connection it seems like we are all robotic puppets playing out roles. When we live in connection (and for me connection is something I have to work at and commit to as I have a strong momentum from not living in a connected way) life is so much richer and is actually lived, not just played out.
Me too Nikki – I lived so long not connected to myself. I still have to work hard, to stop the old momentum. Especially nervous energy is still in my body. But I’m getting better, it is an ongoing process returning back to what I am – love and stillness.
I totally agree with you Jenny. I work with children everyday and there would only be a handful of children out of the 70 there that I would say are naturally themselves and they are toddlers. The others can at times be themselves but generally their sense of self is generated by the latest movie or character that they have to buy or want to be and we say, oh isn’t that cute. To me it is sad to see how amazing they are, and yet most of them even at that young age, are choosing distraction and checking out to not feel they are not being met.
Very true Jenny. And you are correct, without connection the whole thing is meaningless. This is being shown by the escalated rates in extreme behaviour in schools and teen self harm etc Our kids are actually screaming out for connection and the way it is now is showing that we have not got it right. Better never works. We must strive for truer.
So true Jenny, many people are aiming at something that is a castle in the air, a picture of what they think is a fulfilling life, yet so often it becomes empty in middle age and the emptiness that is felt is often a turning point to seeking that true connection that is already within us, always there.
Your whole blog Nicky, exposes the way society’s false aims, values and beliefs, all the emphasis based on academic achievement in education, accumulation of material things and wealth, imposed codes of conduct, and “the ideal life”, leave children in such confusion because they know, as you say, what a true relationship with themselves and life is, and experience that connection to the love they are until it is suppressed by the adults around them. No wonder they rebel in their teenage years and resort to addictive behaviours to dull the pain of separation they feel. Then the whole cycle starts again. But there is a way to break this cycle, and it is called The Way of the Livingness, and it starts with being honest and seeing the world as it is.
The Way of the Livingness does hold the answers humanity seeks. Love, connection and truth in daily and purposeful life. Making life about people. It has transformed my life and me knowing and living who I truly am.
Growing up I was given most things that I needed yet, there was always a feeling that something was missing, but I couldn’t find what it was and I can see how I stopped being appreciative of life because to me there was always something missing. Reading your blog makes sense Nicki “Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.”….so true and makes life so simple and enjoyable.
thank you for this article. the reminder that “parents, and all the other adults in my childhood, are not the reason for my hurts.” is such a powerful lesson in understanding. Beginning to appreciate that regardless of what is put in front of us, we have a choice of our reactions.
This goes way beyond our childhood and into our adult life. Blame is the backbone of society, a society I might add that is struggling to stand at the moment, so perhaps its time to change the structure, maybe the new backbone could be responsibility.
Well said Sarah for we must all take responsibility for ourselves first and foremost before we can be a reflection for others. Society is struggling desperately at the moment and great change is needed. Connection connection connection.
Very true Joel. Our parents and adults are only a product of their upbringing so truly no blame can be passed. However we do each have a choice for ourselves. How we are to be with ourself and with others. Connection and love are key here, as well as understanding.
Blame is prolific in a world not prepared to take responsibility or even be willing to consider the part they play… but when you stop pointing the finger to something outside, that’s when the true healing can begin.
You made some great points in your article Nicki, one being that even when someone is leading a ‘good’ or ‘successful’ life on the outside, e.g. playing sports, having lots of friends, getting good grades etc., they may not be experiencing much joy or true happiness because of the lack of loving relationships and support in their lives. It’s so important not to compare our own lives and the lives of others against a temporal checklist of success, when so much else happens beneath the surface.
And there are plenty of examples in the media, in our celebrity culture, in successful businesses where this plays out. In spite of the flash car, name in lights, or enduring legacy… plenty of people who have the image of ultimate success are still struggling with their own demons behind the facade.
Our whole society is about becoming better and chasing an illusion which takes us away from who we truly are. There are so many distractions and ideals that we hardly ever have and take a moment to feel who we are and connect with ourselves. The irony is: it is connection that we crave. We all want connection, we all want to be met and loved.
This simple understanding that we are all love and that we miss this confirmation dearly whilst everything else but that love, is reflected back to us from the moment we come into this world.
This is a great point Nicki ‘Or are we encouraging or even pushing them to ‘become better’’. From what I can see and feel this is common practice by most parents as they do honestly see that this is a way to give their child the best. But it is an illusion because all the best things and better choices without being met just leaves us feeling empty with a lot of stuff and abilities. Also the ‘better’ life, the striving, the push etc may seem to give our children more but it does not give them true confidence. True confidence only comes with connection and presence and if we are missing this out in our parenting then we are doing a great disservice to our children.
Nicki this blog is fabulous. Honestly I could quote every section (And I probably will over the next few days) and write about it, appreciate it and confirm the truth of all you share.
This blog should be read by all parents, be in hospitals as newborns are born, be in schools everywhere and des waiting rooms etc.
From the first part of this article it is an interesting question regarding opportunities. If we consider life is richer based on the connections we make then can life be richer for young people if they are immersed in computer games at home, and squeezed into judgement of their abilities through examination results at school. These two examples suggest the opposite of connection and leave a gaping whole where allowing children access to rich experiences should exist. If we place utmost importance on connnection before everything else we might actually see the change we want in the world.
Yes what’s interesting Stephen is that connection is the one thing that enables clarity or perspective to see and therefore make a change. Because in clarity, truth is seen. And so now that connection’s opposite – dis-connection is the favourite ‘ice-cream or food’ sold with the non-stop rise in technology/games/mobile/entertainment, it ensures that what we see is so far from the truth that we disconnect from it/truth. This is going to have huge counter affects on society, mental wellbeing, how families are raised, to how business is done. Disconnection is the enemy of love or truth. Connection its restorer.
This article resonated with me. Encouraging children to ‘become better’ rather than allowing them to ‘just be’ the awesome beings they already are, was the way I raised my children. Living in connection with self and all others and feeling and enjoying the deep love held within us all, is now how I choose to live. As a grandmother, I choose to reflect living without needing any confirmation or achievement to feel fulfilled.That is not always easy to do but it is essential, I feel. This blog is urging us all to appreciate ourselves and to feel how amazing we are. If we reflect this simple way of living, our children and grandchildren will feel to do the same.
Nicki, this is very beautiful, ‘the kind of unconditional love that lets a child know that no matter what they do or say, in their hearts they are amazing.’ I can feel how sometimes with my son if he is not being himself I will tell him off and get frustrated with him, reading this makes me feel how important it is to hold him in love and not make him feel that he is a bad person, or that there is something wrong with him.
Thank you for sharing this Nicki.
I love what you say here about the importance of love and connection within children, and no new diet, education system, piece of technology can compare to this – it is a confirmation of who we naturally are. What an opportunity for children to feel the quality of themselves first.
Agree Hannah, without the developed quality of connection, what then is the quality of everything else that we do or partake in, consume, eat, exercise, work, express, make a relationship with, date, marry, do business, run a company, direct an economy. The importance of connection is what runs the world. As we currently have it, it is the very opposite, no wonder the current chaos and crises happening between peoples globally in such separative-ness (dis-connection).
Before I begin reading your blog Nikki- I have to say ‘fabulous title’. This title alone says a lot and also exposes the falseness children are for the most part raised with . . . Parents want their children to be and have better than them and be happy but not many seem to speak about or act on making parenting and teaching about connecting with kids. Something we, as we all know – we want, crave and love connection.
Claiming our own loving connection and offering children unconditional love: ‘The kind of love that teaches the truth of the way the world is, so that they can shine their light (knowing the world needs it) without hesitation or holding back, despite the pressure to extinguish it’ is what is truly needed today more than ever when we materially have so much more but children are feeling less connected and more lost. Thank you Nicki for sharing your love and inspiration.
On some level it would make sense that in time and through what we have learnt in what has been lived things would improve and the next generation would feel more supported. Where you say ‘Each generation is, generally speaking, perceived to have more than the last – better education standards, better health facilities, better nutritional information, better physiological support, better toys, better technology and access to other cultures as examples.’ I would disagree here I don’t feel it has got ‘better’ for our next generation but actually harder. In the UK it is harder for them to get jobs, housing, school is very challenging and with social media on the increase they are facing and experiencing many more things that older generations didn’t have to deal with. I do agree with what you have shared in that much more time needs to be given in truly connecting with them, alongside everyone else.
There is vast and tragic gap between the perception and expectation of the next generation having more or being ‘better’ compared to the reality we have. For medical and technological advances and opportunities do not have the power to do this… for it is through the connection and love in relationships and honouring and embracing who we innately are, that will allow for true ‘better’ to flourish.
Beautifully said Nicki and so very true – “Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.” Learning to re-connect to our inner-most/essence is the answer we have all been looking for and the great news is that it lives inside us.
“Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.” Absolutely Nicki. Huge appreciation to Serge Benhayon for showing that there is another way and we do have everything inside us – no need to chase after things ‘out there’, believing we are not enough.
“Are we really offering children a better life? Or are we encouraging or even pushing them to ‘become better’, rather than allowing them to ‘just be’ the awesome be-ings they already are?”Great questions Nicki. Children learn so much when just playing yet (in the UK) they are constantly tested even in primary school to become ‘better’, compete and survive, rather than allowing them to be met for who they truly are, amazing beings with innate wisdom.
This shows me how strong the ideal of a perfect childhood is still imprinted in me, leaving me void of the truth. The truth is as you describe it, Nicki, it’s not about the things you get, visit, achieve etc. It’s about the quality of connection and this quality is independent of social standard, money, toys, … anything outside. It’s an inner quality of stillness.
This blog is oozing with love and simplicity. The joy we all know a child to live in their early years is sourced by a knowing of who we truly are. Such a simple understanding an key to life and yet earth changing in its size if we all met ourselves and each other in this way
I totally agree Joshua. It oozes love and simplicity and all we crave deeply as children – why – because we are love and we deserve it in the quality and preciousness we are born with.
Yet this is what we we crave and through our need to be individuals seek to stay separate from.
Life is indeed truly successful when we get to know how we can live connected to the love we innately are, and getting to this as early on in life is only beneficial to the child and in truth the whole of humanity, which is served by the reflection of this true love, that originates from our early years on this planet, it would be amazing to have more and more of the children to be brought up to keep this connection and not loose it to the powers and needs of the society we have created.
When it is put as plain as this, we all know that love is all we want and need so why do we go to such lengths to distract us from this. The pressures put on the kids of today in schools from a very young age are unbelievable, mental health in young people is in an appalling state and the true answer to all this, is in this blog not in any text book out there. We need to all rediscover the importance or true connection then all the other stuff will naturally fall into place.
Thank you Nicki and Kevin, I agree, how power-full must we be if the whole world seems to be a distraction to keep us from returning to love! “True connection” holds all the keys to us returning to being the Son of God, which is who we are when we choose to claim our “love.”
Reading this blog reminded me so much of feelings that I also had. On paper I certainly couldn’t complain about my upbringing. A large Catholic family, always food on the table always cloths on my back, but no true connection.I spent a lot of time wondering what was wrong with me, where does this sadness, self loathing and feeling that I didn’t fit in come from, when all on the surface looked great. This blog really does sum it all up beautifully.
My upbringing was pretty much the same Kevin (minus the catholic church) as there wasn’t that much to complain about. My parents did their best but even as a child I could tell they themselves were fairly miserable, so obviously something was missing from their lives. Materially speaking life was good we had everything we needed and more, but there wasn’t that connection with each other or ourselves. I now know that our lives can be drastically different to what I experienced and my parents experienced with their parents, if we have a true connection with ourselves and others, and I agree this blog does sum it up beautifully.
Ditto Kevin – no complaints on a temporal level and yet through my late teens and twenties there was a very uncomfortable stage of life of being very unhappy, not fitting in, and having questions about life, the universe and everything that no one or no thing could answer…. until I started getting to know myself.
Most of the advances in technology and the so called better education we have now are all designed to keep that connection to ourselves further at bay. With more distractions like virtual reality and hundreds of Tv channels, without blogs like this we would be heading down a road where better is not better but a total disaster.
So true Kevin, if half of the energy put towards doing the next iPhone 8 or whatever number we are up to…was put into educating society about connection then we might not be in as much trouble as we are now. These blogs are an awesome contribution to society.
I second that Sarah! Well said!
Indeed Sarah these blogs both point forward and and backwards in the sense of reflecting a way of living that we are returning to and have known before and letting go of our need to continually create for the sake of individualism and momentary pleasure.
True Kevin, it is really worth looking at what our definition of “better” actually is these days. It does not appear to be truly working out so well for the majority – we may be doing “better” on a material level, but what are our relationships like? Do we have time for our loved ones? Do we have time for ourselves? If we are doing “better” than ever before, why are we doing our darndest to fill that emptiness that we feel but are too scared to talk about, with anything from sport, to tv, shopping, drugs, food…
Absolutely Kevin, ‘Most of the advances in technology and the so called better education we have now are all designed to keep that connection to ourselves further at bay’, from what I observe from the children that I know these advances in technology can change children, spending hours on violent computer games affect children and their connection to their natural sensitivity, gentleness and sweetness is lost, if you watch people fighting on TV, in films and in computer games this behavior becomes ‘normal’ and its then easy to then live the behaviour that you see out in the world.
Love that, Kevin, “better is not better, but a total disaster”! That is brilliantly said. Love is the only answer.
What a great blog Nicki, as a mother I relate to what you feel to offer your daughter, which is love as the essence of her being and her life. I had everything as a child and my children have even more material things and opportunity, but nothing means anything if we don’t connect to the Divine we are from.
Love in action as true succes. The more I am love and choose Truth, the simpler and more fulfilling my life is becoming.
Yes Doug it’s time to really not hold back one iota of introducing by way of celebrating the true normal many of us now live as a result of the Way of the Livingness. It is not normal to live constantly wanting and missing ourselves resorting to abusive behaviours to alleviate the pain. It is very normal to live a full and joyful life and know we are truly home having connected deeply with ourselves and hence our soul.
This is a golden question…”What if the so-called improvements that deliver us to love are the only true advances for mankind – and anything else is a distraction from our connection to love?”
Now that’s for the billboard.
… and for every parent/ teacher/ adult and child to know to the core.
Yes Irena, it sounds idealistic but imagine running a country where each decision was measured against whether or not it truly advanced us, that is, that it delivered us love.
That would be a totally different policy platform and way of governance for sure Hannah. As well as imagine organisations and their strategic planning decisions being based on delivering outcomes in terms of love.
“The kind of love that teaches the truth of the way the world is, so that they can shine their light (knowing the world needs it) without hesitation or holding back, despite the pressure to extinguish it.” This line stuck me this morning Nicki and the especial the phrase ‘the world needs it’ which is so true to me. The only responsibility we have in life is to shine the light that we are to the best of our ability and nothing more or less. If we take this simple fact as our guide in life and also in parenting, how different will the world look become from now off.
The way children, teenagers and adults are feeling today is proof that material possessions, money, knowledge, education and achievement are not ‘the answer’. Love is!
Absolutelty. Here in Holland more and more young people are feeling depressed, burned out and down. What is going on? They all seem ‘to have’ everything, but like you say, it is not about having things, it is about being able to be yourself and feel that you are being loved. They miss themselves, they miss having a relationship with themselves.
Doug you make a great point. SInce normal merely describes what we have accepted as the norm then it is always changing, and clearly this is not always an advancement. Should we not be aspiring to Live to our full potential, a potential that has no limitations.
Our deepest sadness may well be for not being cherished as small children for the essence of who we are and thus this way of being not being fostered throughout our years; it’s detrimental to all of us as one unit of humanity and no amount of technology or success is enough to fill the void. Cherishing ourselves and each other can begin at any age and it is a necessary and vital part of life, as is breathing oxygen, to incorporate the love that we are into everything and anything that we do.
So true Cherise, to cherish the quality of our own breath is a great place and very practical way to start back on the path of healing and connecting back to our innermost essence that needs no improvement or fixing.
Good point Doug. So often we herald behaviours as ‘normal’ (or at least accept them as being ok) because there are a large majority doing them, but this does not make it truly normal – as in natural. Why is it that as a society we have not caught onto this irony and spoken out and / or is it because we don’t want to accept responsibility for looking at the real reasons we have chosen the behaviour in the first instance?
We all strive for ‘better’ until we discover the quality and feeling that is within that has been with us all of the time. There is nothing ‘better than’ this.
I totally agree Doug, just because the majority of children behave in a particular way it does not mean it is normal. However what is clear is that the majority of children in that school are trying to say something and not feeling heard so they are expressing in a way they see others cope. Sadly I have seen too many situations where adults say it is a phase these children go through. What I see is that if this is not picked up on and addressed these children will find other coping mechanisms that might be more socially palatable but never truly address the underlying issue.
We can offer our kids the most amazing fair ride, the biggest wide screen TV, the fastest car, the cleanest streets, the smallest class, the biggest house, but none of this comes close to being accepted and appreciated, unconditionally. Whilst this blog may seem like its about kids, when we look around as ourselves, are we truly adult? Or are we too like so many children, momentarily distracted with a big sweet or story, but lost, sad and unresolved underneath? You illustrate something deeper Nicki about us as a race and just how central LOVE is to our wellbeing.
I totally agree, Joseph, nothing replaces the craving for true love, and that goes for every single human being, not only children. Many times it’s very obvious how “emotionally immature” adults are when there are deep wounds from the past from not having been met at all.
But, – it’s never too late to heal, and that’s why this blog is super important.
A great phrase – ‘chasing a ‘better’ version of me’ – capturing the wasted energy we expend from a position of lack of self worth in pursuing something – anything – outside ourselves that we hope will confirm us, when all the time everything we need is already within.
Very neatly put Cathy – and chasing something outside that can never be pinned down is quite naturally exhausting. Crazy when the answer is right there in us just waiting for us to slow down and take note!
I can so relate to the feeling of deep sadness as a little girl – but I was not aware that it was coming from the lack of true connection, I was just left with the heavy feelings. I wonder if it was the same for many others and that is why we do not know how to parent our own children, and keep repeating the pattern of offering even more better life instead. I am just feeling how powerful it is to be reminded of what it is like to be met for just who we are.
Agree with you Fumiyo, and what has been true for me over the years, is that the greater or deeper the connection felt, the more the sadness comes up in not being or living with this (connection) such that the practice of connection spurs you on to never want to loose this, or when you do, to get straight back to it. In other words it’s about feeling what you miss to then never repeat.
In our emptiness, we seek and strive for the better and the more. In our connection, the better and the more are just a by-product.
So simply and powerfully said Fumiyo, the strive to improve ourselves come from living that who we are not. In the connection with our essence there is no need to improve and yet our lives thrive from living from who we naturally are.
I had all those things you describe growing up and I also craved connection and to be understood, subsequently seeking all manner of indulgence and distraction to try and find what was inside of me all along. Getting clear on this with absoluteness in regards to the parent I want to be, feels amazing.
Yes Emma, is what i felt too with Nicki’s piece in that how great it is to know who you are through who you have falsely become… to then know how to truly be with a child and raise it. As you say, getting clear on this initiates self-awareness and builds the connection or a love that’s full and true. What an awesome way to parent – oneself or a child.
This is great to read Nicki, as I ponder whether to encourage my daughter to commit to out of school activities, when everything in my body is saying NO; the only important thing right now is provide the love and rhythm in our home to support us all to be the love that we are, to live with true connection to ourselves and to each other.
Nicki, you had a dream childhood for most of us – yet what it shows is that what most matters is love.
Love and true connection is what the world needs. Thank you for sharing your awesome blog. It all just makes so much sense. Imagine what a world would be like, with everyone expressing true love and connection, with everyone they come across that day. Allowing people in and allowing your love out.Even if its just a hello expressed with true connection and the love that you so naturally are.
It is very obvious that we all value love and connection more than any thing and yet everywhere I look I see people (including myself) settling for poor substitutes. The reflection we offer each other when we choose true love is priceless and so is what is on offer in this gorgeous blog. Without this reflection we are lost believing that the substitutes are ‘it’. Once the truth is felt there is no going back.
Thank you Nicki, what a true call, something every person should read and make priority to learn and apply whether they have children or not. Connection is what we need to live the love that we deserve and are.
Very true Doug, if we keep defining normal by what the majority does we stay on a downward spiral. We cannot keep going and adjust the norm with every step we do as the tracks that we follow have been a long trotten path of repeating the same ill behaviours desensitising us in the process and going into more extreme behaviours not only generation by generation but meanwhile within one generation. A call for true change is what is needed not in the sense of securing our life even more but opening up our defence and connecting back what we innately know is true and are yearning for, the love and connection with ourselves and others.
When we move in a way that consistently confirms our true love-liness and awe-someness, this movement is clocked by the world and it is the movement that would be reflected to our children. That is all that is necessary, no matter how the world or even our child responses. The most deepening love and connection we can offer is to allow everyone to have the spaciousness to choose for themselves, but the responsibility with us is to never dim this reflection.
Yes and I think the power of living that true love-liness and awe-someness and the reflection it brings is hugely underestimated. Reflection is what confirms people in their misery Or confirms them in there amazingness. What we reflect and thus confirm is our choice.
Most of us did not grow up with the reflection of what true connection is, but the truth is we do know connection, everyone of us does. And when the will to reflect truth is felt, what has debilitated us in not seeing a reflection, can be the catalyst to us in being the reflection.
I don’t feel that children have it better today than in the past. They have far more opportunities to become addicted than before and I don’t see this as an advantage – a lot of screen based and food based addictions are easily available that were harder or impossible to have in the past.
Yes say it as it is. No amount of presents, technology or toys can really be fulfilling for a child or for anyone really. What is truly the most fulfilling is feeling that people see your amazingness and cherish you in that, better still is to see and feel your own amazingness and love yourself unconditionally.
This is a staggering point you make Doug, we are so far from a true normal that we think that if something is common that it is okay or acceptable, your point is a slap in the face about how wrong we are as a society. Its time to reevaluate what our priorities are when it comes to rising the next generation.
It is alarming to read that half the children in a school are self harming. This shows just how important it is that we have this understanding Nicki is sharing here. Kids need true connection and the confirming of how amazing they are just for be-ing, and we can only offer this when we are claiming it within ourselves.
For so many children their substitute for connection of any sort is a screen. Parents are busy and stressed and it seems easier to use a screen than to take the time to connect. When we do truly connect with children and allow them to be themselves you can literally watch their petals unfold as they blossom into their gorgeous selves for as you say Anna just be-ing.
That is the facts Anna we can only honour our children’s need to be if we honour our need to be and place that as important. We lack connection with ourselves and therefore are unable to connect with our children the pain of that is now evident for all to see.
what an amazing offering Anna ” Kids need true connection and the confirming of how amazing they are just for be-ing, and we can only offer this when we are claiming it within ourselves” – the consequences of offering or not offering this to our children and ourselves are so huge and so radically opposite
Nicki this is such an inspirational writing. Thank you for sharing openly with all of us how it was for you and what you have come to in your life and understanding. How important it is to take responsibility for our hurts and come back to the simplicity of connecting to and being the divine love that we are. Beautiful.
I am a mother of 5 and what I have noticed is what we think kids want and what they actually want are two very different things. We had a unique type of easter this year with the kids as my husband and I are very busy at work, setting up two new businesses. What was interesting was they were so happy to be onsite with us, sweeping helping and hanging out and that was because the connection was there. Then we had the easter egg hunt, yes they had a ball but I could tell it was equally as fun to helping us, it wasn’t the highlight of the day, just another thing that happened. I knew this because one of my sons actually wanted to get back to work as soon as the hunt was over. Nicki, great conversation to start, thanks for the awesome blog.
Beautiful to read Sarah and so true. When there is true love lived in every moment of the day in our relationships there is not really a difference between the fun play and the work as what is the most beautiful thing is feeling the love and connection all day. It is when that connection is not there that there comes a need for a relief, an excitement, a game etc. to distract from the fact there is not true love shared. Truly beautiful you share this with your husband and kids.
Beautiful Sarah. I often get caught up in having a lot of work to do and worry that my son misses out on me. But I know that when we are connected all else is irrelevant. It is the connection that is the foundation of our relationship. A few years ago when I didn’t work as much and had more time for my son I was much less connected and our relationship was not half as full as what it is now.
Absolutely Nikki it is about the quality of connection and not the time spent in any relationship.
Sarah, this is gorgeous to read! thanks for sharing!
I love this Sarah. As a child I loved having jobs to do…hanging out with the grown ups and getting things for them, sweeping, folding sheets. All of those so called mundane things were a joy because you were contributing to family life.
A great example Sarah and I feel how we just all want to be met, it is never about what we do or get but it is always about the loving connection, nothing more, nothing less.
How beautiful to read! And it makes so much sense, that for children it’s all about being met and having that connection, and not necessarily what the activity is. And as is written in the blog, we all want love first and foremost, so why push through with what we as adults think they want to do? Children of all ages are just awesome.
Nicki I loved what you have shared as its so fundamental for life. You have nailed it as we do not want better, we want love and connection. Everything unfolds from this!
How the vast majority of us were raised taught us the we were seen and acknowledged for what we did, rather than who we were. No wonder we have found it a struggle to understand why all our achievements have never managed to fill the void we can still feel inside! When children come along it can be a trap to raise them as we were raised but thankfully more people are realising that true connection is the key for all relationships. It’s definitely a work in progress for me as I find my way back to self acceptance and nurturing via self love. However, I do know that I am offering a reflection to all around me, including my adult children, and it’s this responsibility that constantly reminds me that I’m not here on this earth to play ‘small’.
Hi Nicki, I love what you have written and it has exposed how our ‘definition’ of what love is, carries so much harm as we raise our children. Deep down we are all able to connect to the truth of what we want most and what love truly is but we get caught up in the celebrating of the good marks, mastering learning words or numbers, achieving a simple task in our child’s early years or filling time with distractions and offering rewards for achievements. Love is what I want most in my life and it is about modeling this love of myself first and then modeling love for others in my everyday life. We can change the world by first challenging the way we live, knowing that there is another way that comes from the inner heart with no ‘trimmings’ needed.
Love this Nicki as it had me contemplating and recognising the times with my own child and other children in my life when true connection occurs. It isn’t through the latest toys, entertainment or activity it is those times when we simply allow each other to be. I’ve come to know through my own experiences as a mother that children share the love they are when they feel and know that love within you. Our greatest gift to the next generation is not in providing them with all the material comforts, but in showing them through our living example that loving connections are key and that those connections begin with loving self.
It’s so true Nicki that it’s far more important to deepen the connection we have with ourselves and others than to be constantly focusing on how we can “improve” life. This is where true fulfilment lays, not in the constant accumulation of the material things and making life better in order to avoid what we’re truly feeling.
Thank you Nicki for your expression. I could relate to much of what you have shared. This line stood out for me today “Looking to adults in my life to fill the void I felt inside, instead of feeling love and contentment in myself” When I read this I could not help but reflect on all the times I have felt empty as an adult and the behaviours that I have chosen to fill this gapping hole. Interestingly what I realised was that we can reverse this behaviour and as a parent use our children to fill this void of disconnection. In the past, I have chosen to be consumed by the role of caring for my children and knowingly chosen to become caught up in their challenges as a way to distract myself from the void of emptiness I was feeling. What an imposition this is! With the support of Universal Medicine healing modalities and presentations I have changed this pattern of behaviour and am choosing to fill myself by re-connecting to my essence – the exquisite quality of love each of us has within 🙂
I grew up sailing around the world so I didn’t have the normal childhood… but have often questioned what normal is and why it is accepted just because so many are doing it. With the rates of cutting and self harming these days, we really do need to stop and ask what is going on and why has it got to this?
So true Rosie, we have accepted it as normal that a lot of young people cut themselves rather than ask what is the underlying sources of this deep unhappiness.
Yes Rosie and more and more children are having to be referred for mental health issues in school. It’s a growing problem that we collectively need to start discussing and addressing.
“What if a truly ‘better life’ is more than the functional things listed above? What if the so-called improvements that deliver us to love are the only true advances for mankind – and anything else is a distraction from our connection to love?”
This is one of the most powerful ‘stop and pay attention’ questions I have ever been met with Nicki – thank you, on behalf of humanity. My question is how to offer this questions so others can feel the essence of the simple deep truth and have a stop moment to reflect what truly matters in life.
Nikki, I love your blog. How beautiful that you discovered your love within, something you have missed being connected to when you were young. And so this blog shows us , by your example, that life is not better when we function/ or becoming better being, but in truth – we are here to connect with, and so we lack of anything until we connect again. Thank you so much for putting this blog in and letting the world know and question themselves, what we truly want for our kids.. equally ourselves.
As you say Danna, life is not better when we learn how to better function or better band-aid life’s problems, rather in truth we evolve from accepting who we are and that we can do great things in the world, developing supportive relationships and taking care of our bodies through simple activities such as exercise, and appreciation. Even when we have built solid foundations of those things, we should never leave life at ‘better’ and rest on our laurels – there is always more to develop and always relationships to deepen.
Thanks Nicky for all you have shared, I can relate to many points. This line in particular stood out for me “What if life is really about living in connection with self and all others – feeling and enjoying the deep love held within us all?” Life to me is exactly this, and the thing we miss the most. Life could be very simple if we returned to living this way and valuing these things.
Yes we are great in the 21st Century at giving our children more opportunities to be whatever they want, but do we give them what they need most – the opportunity (space) to just be themselves?
Gold Liane Mandalis… Pure Gold.
Liane brilliant and agreed Kylie this is gold. Offering space for children and adults to be themselves. Now that I would buy.
Just add the sort of deep security that comes from parents who are committed to themselves and life. Dedicated to their own love. That builds a true nest a child can settle into.
I like your addition Rachel as it made it very palpable for me what a true security or nest really means.
‘Knowing the light within’ means we have a solid measure for all that exists with-out that does not match the exquisite beauty of the inner flame of love that lives deep within our hearts. True connection, with ourselves and then with All, is the answer to the loneliness and sadness we have become so consumed by and renders naught the drive to ‘better’ ourselves at the expense of living what is true.
How sad then Liane that it is so hard to even acknowledge the loneliness and sadness. As Nicki pointed out, she felt those things were hers alone, marks of some sort of deficiency as a human being.
Far from it, in knowing they are there we can become honest, the first step to making life one of connection.
Great point Rachel, the first step is to admit that we feel lonely and sad. For so long I did not dare to speak about that with anyone and felt that something was innately wrong with me as everyone around me just kept pretending they were fine, I tried to not stand out and did the same.
Love in a action, that sounds like awesome parenting! People will ask “how do you do it?” simple – live love and see your children as equal.
Exactly Harrison. Be love and observe. Simple.
Couldn’t agree more Harrison.
So very well said Harrison. True parenting is indeed love in action and the basis is to be the love we are and hold everybody else as equal instead of holding children as less and spoiling them with irresponsibility.
Yes Michelle and I would say the same applies to adults too, whether this is your partner, your family members, friends or colleagues – when we stop trying to control or form everyone around us a lot of tension could be resolved.
Love what you have shared Nikki. If we stopped imposing on our children and simply offered love, connection and learning to them, we would have many geniuses not hiding their abilities to bring truth, and a reflection of love that is so bright in the world.
“What if the so-called improvements that deliver us to love are the only true advances for mankind – and anything else is a distraction from our connection to love?”
This is so true and such understanding allows us to see that life really is this simple if lived with love. If this is true, then it is worth asking ourselves why we have a tendency to overcomplicate things and get lost in misery, drama and struggle. Have we developed an addiction to complexity to further delay our return to the simplicity that love offers?
I have to agree that we have developed an addiction to complexity and one of the reason for this deliberate delay is that drama and misery give us a sense of relief, rush and or high of emotions that charge us up momentarily. Its like having a coffee to get us going in the morning, it does the job but its unsustainable and leaves you wanting more.
The question is why would any of us choose misery over a love? Well, here is the rub, when we choose the simple loving path we have to walk back though and revisit every feeling we have ever tried to covered up with emotions and coffee ect ect….as nothing is ever truly escaped. This walk can feel difficult and is falsely associate with the idea that ‘love’ is hard…of course in truth its not, its the what is not love that can be trying and has to be cleared first before the full simplicity of love is truly felt.
I absolutely agree Katie, this is a great observation Nicki. A ‘better’ life is a life lived in love and nothing less. And so it follows that love in action is indeed the true measure of success.
A great blog Nicki which illustrates very clearly the pattern we repeat from childhood of how to cope with losing that connection to the divine love we are from. It is so beautiful to hear how you parent with that connection at the forefront of your intention. Tickles and bubble baths are some of the most vivid memories from my childhood so I love that this is part of your bio!
There is so much to take in here, love what you have written, thank you Nicki for raising these points. As you say, it all boils down to this: “Lets be honest, love is what we all truly want. So what if love in action is the true measure of success?”
“A ‘Better Life’ or a ‘Connected Life’?” What a great question, Nicki to ask ourselves. Could the answers be exposing as you have pointed out of the hurts and doubts that we have been holding onto for a lifetime, no matter how old we are? I feel so and that by asking this question and be willing to ‘go there’ and opening up to the possibility that through the lack of self-love we have all been chasing a ‘better life’ instead of ‘a connected life’ which offers love that needs nothing as it is everything.
Surely we can sense the ‘better ‘ life is not quite working. No matter how much better it gets it is never quite enough…enough money, property, education, success, friends. Endlessly striving with fingers outstretched for the elusive prize, that we cannot ever quite reach.
Connection is something else, it brings a rich settlement that asks for nothing more. It is deeply vital, and aware and knows precisely what is needed and in what measure.
The better life knows nothing of this in its unfilled hunger for more.
Well said Rachel. The reason we can never get enough money, property, success, friends, attention and so forth is because we are looking outside of ourselves to fix an emptiness that is being caused by the lack of connection we have with ourselves and with other people. It’s a well designed cycle to keep us from addressing the true issue; we lack a relationship with ourselves, so look OUTSIDE to pin down something we can use to feel ‘better’, all the while getting further and further away from ourselves.
I agree Rachel – true success can only be found in ourselves. When we are connected, we can feel our love, harmony, joy and stillness – it feels so awesome. This feeling you can’t buy anywhere in the world.
If we would live life in the deep knowing and understanding that we are love and amazing just the way we are, there would be no need to better ourselves at all.
‘All the other things are cherries on top but they are not essentials. Kids know this – we all know this. ’ I had become addicted to the cherries Nicki, convinced that they were essential to ‘make it’ in the world. This went against the natural pull within toward my inner heart knowing and yearnings but was not ever discussed in a way that confirmed my connection with me. The closest it ever got for me was Catholicism where bastardised as it was, there was attention given to the inner life. This too was externally driven and fear based – more distraction from the truth of who I was/am.. Beautifully expressed and heartfelt sharing Nicki, thank you so much.
Nicki I you mentioned that as a child “There wasn’t someone in my life who role-modelled another way – a way that celebrates me just for being me and them for just being them.” Such role models ( be it a parent, teacher, family friend etc) can have a huge influence in a child’s life, for when they realise that it’s Ok for them to live and express their truth their unfoldment can be enormous.
Yes Peter and for me that reminds me of the importance of living the love that I am in every moment, as there is a child in all of us and all around that needs to see that reflection. No attachment, no performing, just living a life that has a foundation in love that comes through all we do and say. In fact it emanates from every pore of our body.
So true Peter, if our role models would simply shine their light because ‘the world needs it’ that would definitely change the world as our children will be shown a way of living that is natural to them and with that they are given the freedom to live and express their truth to depths unknown to us.
I work as a teacher and can vouch for this, kids are crying out for connection and to be met, as are adults too.
Connection is a true commodity that no amount of money or technological advancement in this material world can buy.
So true Kylie, money doesn’t even come close. We have got it all upside down as we focus on the next new gadget or material possession and forget to stop and connect with those around us.
Just look into their eyes, meet them as you would a dear friend and they settle down. Isn’t that what we all seek?
We seek the eyes that reflect to us the all that we are. In this, deep settlement is found for we are home.
Yes, I agree Gyl both children and adults alike are crying out for love connection and being met and then we use whatever means we can to not feel that it is missing.
Nikki this blog is amazing. Love – is what’s in the heart of every person – and in truth what every person in this world wants to read, feel and see – the fact that there is nothing more important in the world than being ourselves, that’s all that we need to be.
I can feel the spaciousness that comes from what you are saying, both Gyl and Nicki. to simply live who we are in the face of a world that does not foster who we are takes true strength; yet once we begin we are able to feel that we are everything (the love) that we have always wanted and more! and we receive all the support that we need to make it happen and keep it consistent.
I can really relate to what you have shared Nicki. There is so much pressure on children to have everything materially especially when they see what others may have. I have experienced this with my children but what has counted most for them, as they have told me in later years, has been my presence. This is not just my physical presence as they have pointed out to me that I have not always been present to them even though I have been physically present at the time. I am so much more aware now of being present with all of me as everyone feels that and children especially know when that presence is missing.
Thank you for acknowledging Nicki that your parents were not the source of your hurt as they were also on the receiving end of not being connected to by their parents as children. I love this line also ‘The best bit is knowing this love is accessible to all who walk the earth.’ There are NO exclusive ones. We ALL have the ability to be love as we are ALL from Love. Just looking at any baby reminds us of this fact and as adults we can re-claim this no matter how far we have strayed.
I love this Shevon, well said. I too appreciated that Nicki didn’t blame her parents, that was important, as we all have a choice to respond or react to how people are around us. Time now to own that we can be that love in the world and parent in a way that shows the next generation it is worth staying connected to that from the get go. If we know that it takes a community to raise a child we all equally carry that responsibility regardless of biological connections.
Agree Shevon, it is so easy to blame our parents, or anyone for that matter for our pain and misery, however my experience is having that mindset keeps us stuck, and is a convenient reason to not take responsibility. We do have the power to make different choices that bring huge changes to the way we experience life.
All of us deeply crave love yet we have settled for and accepted recognition and attention as a ‘second best’ or a substitute to a love we believe we can’t have. What Universal Medicine and its Practitioners have shown me is that this love is not out of our reach, only out of our choices when we choose to reject it in favour for the lesser substitutes. To accept second best, less than love, used to be seen as the only option but now I know that this love is within and just a choice away. This is not lived everyday but appreciating each step is well worth the experience and reconfirms the fact that I am already love each time. Thank you Nicki.
“All of us deeply crave love yet we have settled for and accepted recognition and attention as a ‘second best’ or a substitute to a love we believe we can’t have.” Simple and powerful Truth you deliver here Leigh, thank you.
Beautifully expressed Leigh. To come to the understanding that we have settled for less than love in the unconscious search for recognition can be challenging to acknowledge, but once we do it can be such a life changing moment. We all want love in our lives but up to now most of us have had no idea what love truly is and have lived from the beliefs that we have taken on from those around us who had no idea what love was either. For me, now knowing what love truly is, settling for less than love is no longer an option.
Thanks Nicki – what you share is something we all miss deeply and it’s not always easy to see our way out of it in a world where everything, just about, is constructed to numb the pain of missing that true connection with love or God.
Agree Matts it is difficult to navigate our way out of the comfortable yet painful way we have become accustomed to living. It’s a slow step by loving step process that we need to commit to even though the results are not instantly felt. The path requires us to have trust that love is the way and that what we are searching for is already there.
This is an awesome blog. lt needs to be in every staffroom in every school magazine. This is a call to change our outmoded ways and to truly see a better way foward for humanity.
And all parenting publications, if parents understood that what children really want is to be met and treated as equals parenting would become a whole lot easier.
Living a life that was different than the previous generation is normally. Events pass and things advance. Each generations offers something different and the new generation is not the end of the world as the previous generation may exclaim.
In all honesty the new generation is the more likely one to offer new and lasting change for the better. Because we build off each generation that continues to go around and around.
Luke.. if we build off each generation then should slavery be abolished by now? Shouldn’t we not have any more war? And why are the same childhood hurts repeating themselves, life after life and with each generation?
When you look at what we have built each generation it shows how much we have focused more on the material aspects of life that our quality of life.
Super wise Harrison and exposing that regardless of whatever technology we have available to us today, we have in fact not evolved, in fact, we are devolving. Illness, disease, out of control behaviours and abuse is increasing not decreasing. No matter how you want to paint it we are getting worse as a human race not better.
I agree Harrison. Slavery and war are global issues dating back thousands and thousands of years – if we were the ‘intelligent’ and evolving society that we claim to be then should these hugely abusive behaviours really be still a problem in the 21st Century?
This indeed begs a larger question Harrison, what is the purpose of repeating over and over the same ill choices and why does the same issues and hurts cross so many generations? Are we missing the point and learning what is on offer if we distract ourselves with improving or trying to make our lives better rather than the quality that we live in.
Great question Luke, why are the same childhood hurts repeating themselves life after life. Universal Medicine has shown there is a way to break this cycle, taking responsibility for our hurts so that we do not pass them on to the next generation. This is a model that has been shown to work and the positive impact on our communities are outstanding. Stories like these should be making headlines.
I like that Luke, well said. The importance to understand, which this blog has started, is that there is difference between change and true evolution that offers healing. We are going around the sun every single year, yet there seems to be something missing, even though we have all these great advancements (on a level) so far. This is truly amazing to come back to as human beings, to feel that there is love missing – and so to come back to our origin, which is in truth more then physical advancements can reach.
‘”Let’s be honest, love is what we all truly want.” This has to be one of the truest statements out there. Perhaps our difficulty is that was assume love to be something it isn’t; that we act out a version of it that isn’t the real deal? With our craze and crave for the lasted gadgets, gismos, computers, cars, property, education and certain life style and a desire to give our children all the modern comforts possible, we have forgotten that connection is the real deal we are seeking. It’s quite a normal picture to see teenagers together in a group not communicating but with heads down all on social media via their mobile phones, or for families to be together not speaking, but all on various computer devices. It seems that our modern way of living isolates us further from each other rather than bringing us closer together. If we strip life’s joys back to the basics surely connection is the key we have lost?
Beautiful comment Rachel and I completely agree. ‘There is more to life than increasing technology’ is a statement that sounds crazy, yet sometimes I wonder if we are so busy chasing the next update or model, we forget that when we peel it all back ‘love is what we all truly want’.
Well said Marika…”..success is the love in your heart and the capacity to express this in the world”…all else comes a poor second.
Perfectly said Marika. I totally agree and this is the only true measure if success in my book.
I agree Jane176, we are obsessed as a society with either improving ourselves or keeping up with the latest technology, which all seems to suggest that we are not good enough as we are. Sure technology can allow us to live fully in the world and be connected with others but not at the expense if we are empty and lonely within ourselves.
Love this Rachel “we have forgotten that connection is the real deal we are seeking”. And that is all it is. We have forgotten. We all know it’s possible, we just need to reconnect to remember.
Could not agree more Rachel, connection is a fundamental aspect of life and something truly worth investing in.
It certainly is Jade as it is the only thing that will be important when we passover.
I agree Rachel Murtagh, love is what we all truly want. True love, not the romantic or emotional kind, but the love that is found in our deep connection to the divine.
And hereinafter lies the true healing for the whole of humanity – a return from separation and individualism to true brotherhood through “the love that is found in our deep connection to the divine”.
It is crazy how much time we spend with every thing but human interaction when we have the choice. Instead of seeking the connection with ourselves or others we catapult us into cyber world or all together brain world living in and from our head and missing out on the beauty that is around us and always there.
It is truly crazy Esther that we choose the cyber world or any other distraction over the connection with ourselves. Thank God for Universal Medicine who brought back the simplicity and truth of connection to human life showing us that there is a way.
Yes the group gatherings such as with family or friends yet connection with others through phones and other electronic devices is something I find fascinating. Blackouts used to be something I enjoyed, as everyone came out and we would sit around with candles either talking or playing cards or a game. Even that is different now as in the last blackout everyone had their own wifi! I will always be the fly in the ointment I reckon calling to human to human connection!
I can relate to what you shared here, Lucy, when the family would gather together with a candle in the one room when there was a blackout. It was a lovely feeling of connection in that case. I also remember once when the eye of a small cyclone passed over a group of houses clustered together in a rural area on the North Coast of NSW, where I then lived, as soon as it passed over all the residents gathered together on the corner of the road to see how everyone had fared in the very strong winds. It was a great connection at that time, then after a while was disrupted as the storm came back over the same route from the opposite direction as is normal behaviour for the eye. But it had lost even more intensity at that stage, so there were no problems with any of us. But because of the closeness of that connection, we found that we were much more close a little community thereafter.
Yes Rachel, we have lost our connection with the beauty and joy of life that lives equally in all of us. To not feel the pain from that we so desperately need all those gadgets to distract us from this fact. As in fact the love that we all truly want does lives in us but is never been told or being expressed by role models in our lives, role models that show us a way of living in which they shine their light simply because ‘the world needs it’. That would make a difference and make life so simple, as the only important thing in our life is to live and shine our light to the best of our ability and with that we will change completely the way we will be with one another, as there is a joy in connecting with each other and to shine our light jointly as such. The needs of our gadgets will diminish and will only be used to truly connect to one another and we all will walk with our heads up proudly as we walk with our light.
So true Nico: “we have lost our connection with the beauty and joy of life that lives equally in all of us” and in doing so we are missing out on an amazing life. I see young children all around me whose greatest connection is to the computer and to the television and already at such a young age they are losing their natural ability to relate to others and most importantly, to themselves.
Really enjoyed your comment Rachel – Yes “strip life’s joys back to the basics” Bring on the family gatherings around the table to share and communicate with each other, play time. Time to listen and express in full – connection is most certainly the key.
Technology supposedly makes us more connected but actually we can end up feeling increasingly isolated. As you say Rachel connecting back to the love we are from is the answer and reflecting this out to a world that is crying out for true connection.
We all seek connection through social media, hiding in our phone, laptop or iPad etc instead onto just come back to connecting in real life to the person in front of us, to family, friends or colleagues. We know our life is about connection and that love is what we truly want, we have to see we have made life complex and there is a real simplicity in living in connection with what we know is true.
So simply and beautiful said Annelies! We keep complicating and modifying connection and removing ourselves into a virtual world when true connection is in the simplicity of living who we truly are.
Great point you make here Rachel. It has become the norm to go out and see people at a dinner table not talking to each other because they are all on their mobiles. Crazy. Technology does have its place and is not going away, but the way we are using it has taken us further away from ourselves and each other.
‘”Let’s be honest, love is what we all truly want.” and many will say that they have it in pockets and windows but truly the greatest success is brining it into every step, every breath we take.
Society defines a successful child as one who performs very well or functions very well, but you are spot on Nicki, there is a much better – read ‘true’ measure of success and that is all about connection. A really important blog to go mainstream.
Yes Suzanne, Nicki’s sharing needs to be published in the parenting arena. Simple and true, it would be welcomed by those ready to receive the truth.
True Suzanne society defines success as someone who performs and functions well. I was part of a successful middle class family in the UK with parents that were together and three sisters. We had a large house, a private education, cars, holidays abroad in the summer and sometimes in Easter. We fitted the ideal picture, yet we were miserable, unable to get along and settle being together. There were constant tensions and anxiety between family members and what we all craved were to be met and loved…even my parents were seeking that from each other and from us too. We couldn’t articulate what it was that we wanted yet the ache for connection was all the same for all of us.
And yet, with all that you describe, with all the miserableness, it seems to still be a model upbringing that most people would love to have as if very few people expect anything better.
The awareness of connection is very thin amongst us as a race, and it’s costing us dearly. Kids taking drugs and going crazy in teenage years shows us that everything isn’t ok. The price we pay for not connecting with each other as humans is through the roof.
And it is so inspiring when one encounters teenagers who are not going crazy with drugs and sex because they have been brought up to be connected with themselves.
Yes Felicity, and we wonder why pornography and teenage sex is through the roof. Instead of us all just looking on and shaking our heads thinking teenagers are just going crazy, we need to look at why are they going for these things and what are they getting out of them. Super clear that if these were replaced with love or more so if love was the foundation no way would something void of love be chosen.
It is interesting that there are other levels of disconnection that are not as obvious as the drugs and alcohol that is prevalent in many social writings.
The levels of academia assaults – high achieving students who are driven with success living with constant levels of comparison and competition. The low levels of connection are just as harming but are often over looked as they fit a criteria of tick all the right boxes in society based on what is believed to be true success.
This seems to be the case Christoph…this is the ideal that we have ‘made it’ in life, yet the emptiness, lack of fulfilment and lack of joy in my case is well and truly probably true for the majority. It’s like we know there is more but can’t quite touch it somehow and have deeply accepted a lesser way of being as normal. It’s like a giving up. Thank goodness for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for showing so clearly and beautifully what the ‘more’ is.
Absolutely Christoph. It is true reflection that society as a whole needs and craves in order to undo the mess we are currently in. For this – connection and responsibility are key.
Yes, thats the crazy part, that although it is failing all around the world, we still follow this lifestyle model. Material wealth is so highly valued that in the constant struggle to get more we pursue happiness in disconnection and accept misery instead.
Very true Rachel – ‘Material wealth is so highly valued that in the constant struggle to get more we pursue happiness in disconnection and accept misery instead’
The misery you share here Rachel Andras is considered the norm and when one lives and moves with vitality it is often shun or criticised, rather than noted as a marker of the true potential we are all offered to live.
Agree, Christophe, and our idea of better is just more of the same; bigger house, more expensive cars, more qualifications, more holidays etc etc. We have lost our way for such a long time, it’s as if we are oblivious to any other way, and even if we hear about it, we are not sure how to ‘do it,’ or should I say ‘be’ it.
Indeed Christoph, if its not tangible society refuses to acknowledge the deep sadness and lack of connection in this model, for if we do, we might have to open up and admit that it’s not working.
That is the downfall of having ‘ideals’ -, they leave one with little room for pondering if things could be better, truer or even possible. All of which are of course can be and are for those who are brave enough to look outside the box.
So true Christoph and so this is precisely what we all strive for, focusing on earnings, which is the best school, holidays which often come at the expense of the child.
I am sure so many can relate to what you share Rachel. Lately there have been a lot of famous people share that no matter how famous or how much you have it never seems enough. It would seem no amount of outer makes up for the lack of inner connection and it is what we all ultimately crave.
True Laura, this can also be seen with the aristocracy. They are no more content in life with all their enormous houses and wealth than those with far less material wealth. We think that happiness and joy will come with the greater amount of ownership and have forgotten than it is the inner connection we are seeking. Instead of making that connection we look to everything outside of ourselves to fill the void.
This Laura, coming from those who seemingly have it all this proved that this way is totally untrue and unsupportive.
There is nothing in this world that supersedes the feeling lived love in our body brings.
Well said Abby, nothing can ever surpass what is already within
This is so true and so worth exploring for oneself – thank you for putting it so simply Abby
Yes Rachel, all the trappings of a successful and/or comfortable life mean nothing if there is no connection.
Exactly Hannah. Nothing will ever satisfy us if it is not about true love. We might pretend we are ok, but deep down we know.
Yes Vicky the knowing deep down is what truly hurts as we know we are not living the life we feel we could possibly live.
So true Rachel, we can keep seeking things external from us despite the fact they never satisfy in the long term. Yet it is an ache for connection both with ourselves and with others is what we truly want.
There is a lot going on under the heading of a secure life that is not part of the picture. There comes another image into play: yes, we are not perfect but we are better off compared to (another picture). That comparison allows us to keep going, eventually addressing issues that may come up and that are felt as dysfunctional. The ‘what is’ and the ‘what is not’ offer totally different platforms to feel into our lives and to act on it.
A perfect example of how the material goods we have don’t really fulfil the inner yearning for love and connection; they are a great foundation and certainly make life easier and more comfortable, but they are not it, not what we are truly after and not what truly nurtures, replenishes and supports us.
Whether we have the holidays, gardens and cars or not, we are lost and empty without knowing the love that we are. There are so many distractions and behaviours just waiting for us to go to in order to not feel that emptiness…I love learning another way of being that supports us to feel that love instead of that emptiness.
Yes we often see our kids as doing good because of their grades but that really tells us nothing about who they are and how they feel in the world. Grades at school are about doing and achieving… mostly to get recognition but they rarely if ever consider the being. Usually the doing is at the expense of the being.
That is so true, the doing is prioritised over the being, time and time again we make this mistake and as Nicki demonstrates we know no better from our parents, and or did they know any different from their parents. It’s up to us to be the generation that changes it all once and for all.
Yes Felicity, until we the adults change what our priorities are, children will continue to follow our lead. We make the mistake also of telling them one thing, but behave in a completely different way. Children copy more what they see than what they hear.
Which beggs the question is there a deeper way of supporting our children through school without such a focus on the grades.
Great question Abby, I imagine as Nicki described it is how we as adults can provide an example that it is more important to focus on the quality of our connection than achieving or getting this done.
And with that focus on grades at school comes the deeper and more hidden focus on security and a “good life’ with all the trappings of success – and so often at the expense of the inner being and innate richness.
Yes Gabriele the chase for security from outside of ourselves leaving hidden the absolute richness that is there inside of us which totally knows all of our needs.
Yes this is a great question Abby. I have recently been talking with teachers and parents about concerns over excessive testing in schools and the impact it is having on the stress levels of students. The system we are currently working with is very demoralizing for both students and teachers.
Great point Rosie, we always focus on the temporal and measurable aspects instead of how we are actually feeling and living. It is about the quality we are living in and not the amount of recognition we can achieve by ticking the boxes.
Parents tend to segment their own lives and hence tend to use the same measurement to assess the kids’ ones. If they do good in school, they have good friends and seem to be happy there everything is fine no matter what happens with them at home. Yet, in truth, that supposed wellness should be part of every movement if it is true.
This is true, Mary and it seems that the more parents’ do’ for their children they think they have got it ‘right’. However it is now showing in the mental health of teenagers that this is not so.
An old saying springs to mind here – ‘the way to hell is paved with good intentions”. Parents want the best for their children, always wanting to make their life better than the parent had as a child. How deeply the illusion binds us into perpetuating this ideal that this is ‘right’. As you say Julie, the mental health of teenagers is making glaringly obvious that this is not the way to live in connection and fullness of love.
Absolutely Rosie – “the doing is at the expense of the being” a friend and i were recently discussing the 10/15minutes we get in a parents meeting with our child’s teacher and how empty it can feel simply discussing their development like they are robots without any real discussion of who they are and the qualities they bring to the group – extraordinary when you ponder we are talking about 5 year olds in this way!
I feel that the short once a year appointment parents get every year is really not enough. Schools are part of our community and they should do more to encourage parental involvement so that education is a team effort where parent have a more collaborative role. Giving parents more opportunity to come into school would be great as well as sharing how they can support children with their learning.
Well said Rosie – In the past I got easily lost in the doing and it felt terrible. I’m so glad, that I’m now learning more and more just to be myself and that is enough. I’m already divine and now it is the time to show my divine light the world.
Wouldn’t it be interesting to pose this question often as this would support to expose the truth in how children are really feeling about school, their relationships with friends and family and to uncover a hidden belief that everything is fine when in many cases this is far from the truth.
…And if our measure of success for children is off kilter, what does that say about our measure of success for life and ourselves as adults???
Great point Kylie, it would seem we are totally of kilter, our priorities about ‘bettering’ life but at what expense and cost to self?
Great question Kylie. By all accounts it seems very low from what I see and feel in daily life.
Well said Kylie as this is exactly where children are heading, to the adult world and everything we apply to the kids world is just a version of how we live adult life. We try to censor and protect our kids from certain harming practices and keep them away till they are grown up, but the measure of success in society is far removed from anything true.
I agree fully Kylie and Rachel. As a child I can remember observing adults as a whole and sensing there was very little correlation between their actions and their words spoken. This brought a feeling of being very insecure in the world of ‘grown up, adult life’. Painful and almost intolerable teenage years and beyond of choosing to withdraw and separate in the attempt to remain safe in the ‘child world’ as long as possible, continually seeking for that missing piece brought more confusion and self-protection.
I agree Suzanne this is a stunning read and shines a great big light on the rot that is our society at the moment. To be shared widely!