Each generation is, generally speaking, perceived to have more than the last – better education standards, better health facilities, better nutritional information, better physiological support, better toys, better technology and access to other cultures as examples.
All these things are supposedly giving our children more opportunities to be whatever they want to be; but I question, is this really the case?
Are we really offering children a better life? Or are we encouraging or even pushing them to ‘become better’, rather than allowing them to ‘just be’ the awesome be-ings they already are?
What if a truly ‘better life’ is more than the functional things listed above? What if the so-called improvements that deliver us to love are the only true advances for mankind – and anything else is a distraction from our connection to love?
Let’s be honest, love is what we all truly want. So what if love in action is the true measure of success? What if life is really about living in connection with self and all others – feeling and enjoying the deep love held within us all? What if a true ‘better life’ required no outside confirmation or achievement to feel fulfilled? Life would be more simple… but is it that easy?
A ‘Normal’ Childhood and the Lack of Connection Most of Us Face
Lately I experienced feelings I had not allowed for a while, such as abandonment, rejection, denial and neglect; a bunch of uncomfortable feelings, coming together to deliver an overall feeling of sadness.
I asked myself – why were these coming up now and where did they originate?
I had a very ‘normal’ upbringing. I grew up in suburban Perth, quite close to the city, with all the modern comforts – a swimming pool, a beach house, camping holidays, etc. I played competitive sport, was a good student and well liked by my peers and teachers. We hosted plenty of family gatherings and lived in a friendly, safe neighbourhood. My parents did all they could at the time to provide a pleasant, secure childhood.
But there was one thing missing most of the time – true connection with myself and with others; that is, the kind of unconditional love that lets a child know that no matter what they do or say, in their hearts they are amazing.
The kind of love that teaches the truth of the way the world is, so that they can shine their light (knowing the world needs it) without hesitation or holding back, despite the pressure to extinguish it.
Feeling the lack of connection with my family triggered a reaction of hurt and rejection. It was confusing because society was telling me the relationships I had were normal and good so I figured I must be to blame if I was not feeling this was true for me. There wasn’t someone in my life who role-modelled another way – a way that celebrates me just for being me or them just for being them.
I now realise my feelings of rejection were fuelled by a monumental lack of self-worth.
My parents, and all the other adults in my childhood, are not the reason for my hurts. They were brought up by parents who were equally – if not more – dismissive of their connection to love. By taking responsibility for my hurts I now understand this.
My disconnection from myself and others played out in many ways, such as:
- Feeling an emptiness inside, a deep sadness
- Craving intimacy and understanding
- Turning to numerous behaviours in an attempt to numb my feelings, such as bulimia, running and illicit drugs
- Looking to adults in my life to fill the void I felt inside, instead of feeling love and contentment in myself
- Lacking responsibility, especially around money, where I accumulated a large debt not long after receiving an inheritance
- Experiencing self-loathing, lack of self-worth and shame; I shut down and put protective walls up, making it virtually impossible to let support in
- Taking on another’s emotional reactions and comments, making it personal and assuming that it was a reflection of something ‘bad or wrong’ I had said or done even though, in truth, their reactions or comments had nothing to do with me
- Seeking recognition from sporting and academic success as a way to ‘earn’ love, leading to a constant ‘trying’ to be something ‘special’
With understanding comes the realisation that things can be different – I can turn the tide and change my ways if I choose.
For me it’s about acknowledging that I am not truly offering my child a ‘better life’ if it does not come with true connection – that is, unconditional love, true support and an example of what it feels like to express from a real connection of love.
All the other things are cherries on top but they are not essentials. Kids know this – we all know this.
Knowing that Light Within
Though many times I’ve wavered from my connection to love, I’ve always known that it is the ultimate truth. Love is always there. The simple knowing that my being is a part of that amazing, magnificent love feels better than anything I’ve ever experienced or tried to fill myself with. The best bit is knowing this love is accessible to all who walk the earth.
Choosing CONNECTION to the innate loveliness I was born with is more fulfilling than chasing a ‘better’ version of me ever was.
I now understand the importance of claiming the loving connection I felt lacking in my early years. It’s time to live the love and inspire my daughter to acknowledge and claim that ever-present love she too holds within. It’s time to allow myself the space and encouragement to bring it to life, to share it with others, to love freely in my expression and never ever hold back the truth of the Divine I hold within.
My deepest appreciation to Serge Benhayon and the practitioners of Universal Medicine and the Sacred Esoteric Healing Modalities, who have inspired and supported me to come to feel more of the universal love that holds us all. Thank you.
By Nicki Ferguson, BCom, DipCS, Sydney
Published with permission from my parents
Further Reading:
Crying out for connection: technology and us
Brotherhood: What if True Love Was Taught From Day One?
The Purpose of Parenting
661 Comments
It is very obvious that we all value love and connection more than any thing and yet everywhere I look I see people (including myself) settling for poor substitutes. The reflection we offer each other when we choose true love is priceless and so is what is on offer in this gorgeous blog. Without this reflection we are lost believing that the substitutes are ‘it’. Once the truth is felt there is no going back.
Thank you Nicki, what a true call, something every person should read and make priority to learn and apply whether they have children or not. Connection is what we need to live the love that we deserve and are.
When we move in a way that consistently confirms our true love-liness and awe-someness, this movement is clocked by the world and it is the movement that would be reflected to our children. That is all that is necessary, no matter how the world or even our child responses. The most deepening love and connection we can offer is to allow everyone to have the spaciousness to choose for themselves, but the responsibility with us is to never dim this reflection.
Yes and I think the power of living that true love-liness and awe-someness and the reflection it brings is hugely underestimated. Reflection is what confirms people in their misery Or confirms them in there amazingness. What we reflect and thus confirm is our choice.
Most of us did not grow up with the reflection of what true connection is, but the truth is we do know connection, everyone of us does. And when the will to reflect truth is felt, what has debilitated us in not seeing a reflection, can be the catalyst to us in being the reflection.
I don’t feel that children have it better today than in the past. They have far more opportunities to become addicted than before and I don’t see this as an advantage – a lot of screen based and food based addictions are easily available that were harder or impossible to have in the past.
Thank you Nicki, I think it’s a super important point you raise about what are we communicating to children (or anyone) when we say that they need to ‘become better’..? How different would our education systems look if the founding principle were rather on developing our expression of our already complete and innate divinity.
Yes say it as it is. No amount of presents, technology or toys can really be fulfilling for a child or for anyone really. What is truly the most fulfilling is feeling that people see your amazingness and cherish you in that, better still is to see and feel your own amazingness and love yourself unconditionally.
I love this take on Life, ‘What if life is really about living in connection with self and all others – feeling and enjoying the deep love held within us all?’ It makes me realise how we have missed the point completely when it comes to how we live our lives, we are fallen for better instead.
Nicki this is such an inspirational writing. Thank you for sharing openly with all of us how it was for you and what you have come to in your life and understanding. How important it is to take responsibility for our hurts and come back to the simplicity of connecting to and being the divine love that we are. Beautiful.
I am a mother of 5 and what I have noticed is what we think kids want and what they actually want are two very different things. We had a unique type of easter this year with the kids as my husband and I are very busy at work, setting up two new businesses. What was interesting was they were so happy to be onsite with us, sweeping helping and hanging out and that was because the connection was there. Then we had the easter egg hunt, yes they had a ball but I could tell it was equally as fun to helping us, it wasn’t the highlight of the day, just another thing that happened. I knew this because one of my sons actually wanted to get back to work as soon as the hunt was over. Nicki, great conversation to start, thanks for the awesome blog.
Beautiful to read Sarah and so true. When there is true love lived in every moment of the day in our relationships there is not really a difference between the fun play and the work as what is the most beautiful thing is feeling the love and connection all day. It is when that connection is not there that there comes a need for a relief, an excitement, a game etc. to distract from the fact there is not true love shared. Truly beautiful you share this with your husband and kids.
Beautiful Sarah. I often get caught up in having a lot of work to do and worry that my son misses out on me. But I know that when we are connected all else is irrelevant. It is the connection that is the foundation of our relationship. A few years ago when I didn’t work as much and had more time for my son I was much less connected and our relationship was not half as full as what it is now.
Absolutely Nikki it is about the quality of connection and not the time spent in any relationship.
Sarah, this is gorgeous to read! thanks for sharing!
I love this Sarah. As a child I loved having jobs to do…hanging out with the grown ups and getting things for them, sweeping, folding sheets. All of those so called mundane things were a joy because you were contributing to family life.
A great example Sarah and I feel how we just all want to be met, it is never about what we do or get but it is always about the loving connection, nothing more, nothing less.
How beautiful to read! And it makes so much sense, that for children it’s all about being met and having that connection, and not necessarily what the activity is. And as is written in the blog, we all want love first and foremost, so why push through with what we as adults think they want to do? Children of all ages are just awesome.
Nicki I loved what you have shared as its so fundamental for life. You have nailed it as we do not want better, we want love and connection. Everything unfolds from this!
How the vast majority of us were raised taught us the we were seen and acknowledged for what we did, rather than who we were. No wonder we have found it a struggle to understand why all our achievements have never managed to fill the void we can still feel inside! When children come along it can be a trap to raise them as we were raised but thankfully more people are realising that true connection is the key for all relationships. It’s definitely a work in progress for me as I find my way back to self acceptance and nurturing via self love. However, I do know that I am offering a reflection to all around me, including my adult children, and it’s this responsibility that constantly reminds me that I’m not here on this earth to play ‘small’.
Hi Nicki, I love what you have written and it has exposed how our ‘definition’ of what love is, carries so much harm as we raise our children. Deep down we are all able to connect to the truth of what we want most and what love truly is but we get caught up in the celebrating of the good marks, mastering learning words or numbers, achieving a simple task in our child’s early years or filling time with distractions and offering rewards for achievements. Love is what I want most in my life and it is about modeling this love of myself first and then modeling love for others in my everyday life. We can change the world by first challenging the way we live, knowing that there is another way that comes from the inner heart with no ‘trimmings’ needed.
Love this Nicki as it had me contemplating and recognising the times with my own child and other children in my life when true connection occurs. It isn’t through the latest toys, entertainment or activity it is those times when we simply allow each other to be. I’ve come to know through my own experiences as a mother that children share the love they are when they feel and know that love within you. Our greatest gift to the next generation is not in providing them with all the material comforts, but in showing them through our living example that loving connections are key and that those connections begin with loving self.
It’s so true Nicki that it’s far more important to deepen the connection we have with ourselves and others than to be constantly focusing on how we can “improve” life. This is where true fulfilment lays, not in the constant accumulation of the material things and making life better in order to avoid what we’re truly feeling.
Thank you Nicki for your expression. I could relate to much of what you have shared. This line stood out for me today “Looking to adults in my life to fill the void I felt inside, instead of feeling love and contentment in myself” When I read this I could not help but reflect on all the times I have felt empty as an adult and the behaviours that I have chosen to fill this gapping hole. Interestingly what I realised was that we can reverse this behaviour and as a parent use our children to fill this void of disconnection. In the past, I have chosen to be consumed by the role of caring for my children and knowingly chosen to become caught up in their challenges as a way to distract myself from the void of emptiness I was feeling. What an imposition this is! With the support of Universal Medicine healing modalities and presentations I have changed this pattern of behaviour and am choosing to fill myself by re-connecting to my essence – the exquisite quality of love each of us has within 🙂
“What if a truly ‘better life’ is more than the functional things listed above? What if the so-called improvements that deliver us to love are the only true advances for mankind – and anything else is a distraction from our connection to love?”
This is one of the most powerful ‘stop and pay attention’ questions I have ever been met with Nicki – thank you, on behalf of humanity. My question is how to offer this questions so others can feel the essence of the simple deep truth and have a stop moment to reflect what truly matters in life.
Nikki, I love your blog. How beautiful that you discovered your love within, something you have missed being connected to when you were young. And so this blog shows us , by your example, that life is not better when we function/ or becoming better being, but in truth – we are here to connect with, and so we lack of anything until we connect again. Thank you so much for putting this blog in and letting the world know and question themselves, what we truly want for our kids.. equally ourselves.
As you say Danna, life is not better when we learn how to better function or better band-aid life’s problems, rather in truth we evolve from accepting who we are and that we can do great things in the world, developing supportive relationships and taking care of our bodies through simple activities such as exercise, and appreciation. Even when we have built solid foundations of those things, we should never leave life at ‘better’ and rest on our laurels – there is always more to develop and always relationships to deepen.
Thanks Nicky for all you have shared, I can relate to many points. This line in particular stood out for me “What if life is really about living in connection with self and all others – feeling and enjoying the deep love held within us all?” Life to me is exactly this, and the thing we miss the most. Life could be very simple if we returned to living this way and valuing these things.
Yes we are great in the 21st Century at giving our children more opportunities to be whatever they want, but do we give them what they need most – the opportunity (space) to just be themselves?
Gold Liane Mandalis… Pure Gold.
Liane brilliant and agreed Kylie this is gold. Offering space for children and adults to be themselves. Now that I would buy.
Just add the sort of deep security that comes from parents who are committed to themselves and life. Dedicated to their own love. That builds a true nest a child can settle into.
I like your addition Rachel as it made it very palpable for me what a true security or nest really means.
‘Knowing the light within’ means we have a solid measure for all that exists with-out that does not match the exquisite beauty of the inner flame of love that lives deep within our hearts. True connection, with ourselves and then with All, is the answer to the loneliness and sadness we have become so consumed by and renders naught the drive to ‘better’ ourselves at the expense of living what is true.
How sad then Liane that it is so hard to even acknowledge the loneliness and sadness. As Nicki pointed out, she felt those things were hers alone, marks of some sort of deficiency as a human being.
Far from it, in knowing they are there we can become honest, the first step to making life one of connection.
Great point Rachel, the first step is to admit that we feel lonely and sad. For so long I did not dare to speak about that with anyone and felt that something was innately wrong with me as everyone around me just kept pretending they were fine, I tried to not stand out and did the same.
Love what you have shared Nikki. If we stopped imposing on our children and simply offered love, connection and learning to them, we would have many geniuses not hiding their abilities to bring truth, and a reflection of love that is so bright in the world.
“What if the so-called improvements that deliver us to love are the only true advances for mankind – and anything else is a distraction from our connection to love?”
This is so true and such understanding allows us to see that life really is this simple if lived with love. If this is true, then it is worth asking ourselves why we have a tendency to overcomplicate things and get lost in misery, drama and struggle. Have we developed an addiction to complexity to further delay our return to the simplicity that love offers?
I have to agree that we have developed an addiction to complexity and one of the reason for this deliberate delay is that drama and misery give us a sense of relief, rush and or high of emotions that charge us up momentarily. Its like having a coffee to get us going in the morning, it does the job but its unsustainable and leaves you wanting more.
The question is why would any of us choose misery over a love? Well, here is the rub, when we choose the simple loving path we have to walk back though and revisit every feeling we have ever tried to covered up with emotions and coffee ect ect….as nothing is ever truly escaped. This walk can feel difficult and is falsely associate with the idea that ‘love’ is hard…of course in truth its not, its the what is not love that can be trying and has to be cleared first before the full simplicity of love is truly felt.
A great blog Nicki which illustrates very clearly the pattern we repeat from childhood of how to cope with losing that connection to the divine love we are from. It is so beautiful to hear how you parent with that connection at the forefront of your intention. Tickles and bubble baths are some of the most vivid memories from my childhood so I love that this is part of your bio!
There is so much to take in here, love what you have written, thank you Nicki for raising these points. As you say, it all boils down to this: “Lets be honest, love is what we all truly want. So what if love in action is the true measure of success?”
“A ‘Better Life’ or a ‘Connected Life’?” What a great question, Nicki to ask ourselves. Could the answers be exposing as you have pointed out of the hurts and doubts that we have been holding onto for a lifetime, no matter how old we are? I feel so and that by asking this question and be willing to ‘go there’ and opening up to the possibility that through the lack of self-love we have all been chasing a ‘better life’ instead of ‘a connected life’ which offers love that needs nothing as it is everything.
Surely we can sense the ‘better ‘ life is not quite working. No matter how much better it gets it is never quite enough…enough money, property, education, success, friends. Endlessly striving with fingers outstretched for the elusive prize, that we cannot ever quite reach.
Connection is something else, it brings a rich settlement that asks for nothing more. It is deeply vital, and aware and knows precisely what is needed and in what measure.
The better life knows nothing of this in its unfilled hunger for more.
Well said Rachel. The reason we can never get enough money, property, success, friends, attention and so forth is because we are looking outside of ourselves to fix an emptiness that is being caused by the lack of connection we have with ourselves and with other people. It’s a well designed cycle to keep us from addressing the true issue; we lack a relationship with ourselves, so look OUTSIDE to pin down something we can use to feel ‘better’, all the while getting further and further away from ourselves.
I agree Rachel – true success can only be found in ourselves. When we are connected, we can feel our love, harmony, joy and stillness – it feels so awesome. This feeling you can’t buy anywhere in the world.
If we would live life in the deep knowing and understanding that we are love and amazing just the way we are, there would be no need to better ourselves at all.
‘All the other things are cherries on top but they are not essentials. Kids know this – we all know this. ’ I had become addicted to the cherries Nicki, convinced that they were essential to ‘make it’ in the world. This went against the natural pull within toward my inner heart knowing and yearnings but was not ever discussed in a way that confirmed my connection with me. The closest it ever got for me was Catholicism where bastardised as it was, there was attention given to the inner life. This too was externally driven and fear based – more distraction from the truth of who I was/am.. Beautifully expressed and heartfelt sharing Nicki, thank you so much.
Nicki I you mentioned that as a child “There wasn’t someone in my life who role-modelled another way – a way that celebrates me just for being me and them for just being them.” Such role models ( be it a parent, teacher, family friend etc) can have a huge influence in a child’s life, for when they realise that it’s Ok for them to live and express their truth their unfoldment can be enormous.
Yes Peter and for me that reminds me of the importance of living the love that I am in every moment, as there is a child in all of us and all around that needs to see that reflection. No attachment, no performing, just living a life that has a foundation in love that comes through all we do and say. In fact it emanates from every pore of our body.
So true Peter, if our role models would simply shine their light because ‘the world needs it’ that would definitely change the world as our children will be shown a way of living that is natural to them and with that they are given the freedom to live and express their truth to depths unknown to us.
I work as a teacher and can vouch for this, kids are crying out for connection and to be met, as are adults too.
Connection is a true commodity that no amount of money or technological advancement in this material world can buy.
So true Kylie, money doesn’t even come close. We have got it all upside down as we focus on the next new gadget or material possession and forget to stop and connect with those around us.
Just look into their eyes, meet them as you would a dear friend and they settle down. Isn’t that what we all seek?
We seek the eyes that reflect to us the all that we are. In this, deep settlement is found for we are home.
Ditto Gyl! All kids want whether they are 4 or 18 is to be met for who they are and not judged by how they do academically.. When I walk into a classroom and connect to the kids I teach they appreciate it to the bone. Moreover when I can support them in understanding and claiming their own awesomeness – even better…
Yes, I agree Gyl both children and adults alike are crying out for love connection and being met and then we use whatever means we can to not feel that it is missing.
Nikki this blog is amazing. Love – is what’s in the heart of every person – and in truth what every person in this world wants to read, feel and see – the fact that there is nothing more important in the world than being ourselves, that’s all that we need to be.
I can feel the spaciousness that comes from what you are saying, both Gyl and Nicki. to simply live who we are in the face of a world that does not foster who we are takes true strength; yet once we begin we are able to feel that we are everything (the love) that we have always wanted and more! and we receive all the support that we need to make it happen and keep it consistent.
I can really relate to what you have shared Nicki. There is so much pressure on children to have everything materially especially when they see what others may have. I have experienced this with my children but what has counted most for them, as they have told me in later years, has been my presence. This is not just my physical presence as they have pointed out to me that I have not always been present to them even though I have been physically present at the time. I am so much more aware now of being present with all of me as everyone feels that and children especially know when that presence is missing.
Thank you for acknowledging Nicki that your parents were not the source of your hurt as they were also on the receiving end of not being connected to by their parents as children. I love this line also ‘The best bit is knowing this love is accessible to all who walk the earth.’ There are NO exclusive ones. We ALL have the ability to be love as we are ALL from Love. Just looking at any baby reminds us of this fact and as adults we can re-claim this no matter how far we have strayed.
I love this Shevon, well said. I too appreciated that Nicki didn’t blame her parents, that was important, as we all have a choice to respond or react to how people are around us. Time now to own that we can be that love in the world and parent in a way that shows the next generation it is worth staying connected to that from the get go. If we know that it takes a community to raise a child we all equally carry that responsibility regardless of biological connections.
Agree Shevon, it is so easy to blame our parents, or anyone for that matter for our pain and misery, however my experience is having that mindset keeps us stuck, and is a convenient reason to not take responsibility. We do have the power to make different choices that bring huge changes to the way we experience life.
All of us deeply crave love yet we have settled for and accepted recognition and attention as a ‘second best’ or a substitute to a love we believe we can’t have. What Universal Medicine and its Practitioners have shown me is that this love is not out of our reach, only out of our choices when we choose to reject it in favour for the lesser substitutes. To accept second best, less than love, used to be seen as the only option but now I know that this love is within and just a choice away. This is not lived everyday but appreciating each step is well worth the experience and reconfirms the fact that I am already love each time. Thank you Nicki.
“All of us deeply crave love yet we have settled for and accepted recognition and attention as a ‘second best’ or a substitute to a love we believe we can’t have.” Simple and powerful Truth you deliver here Leigh, thank you.
Beautifully expressed Leigh. To come to the understanding that we have settled for less than love in the unconscious search for recognition can be challenging to acknowledge, but once we do it can be such a life changing moment. We all want love in our lives but up to now most of us have had no idea what love truly is and have lived from the beliefs that we have taken on from those around us who had no idea what love was either. For me, now knowing what love truly is, settling for less than love is no longer an option.
Thanks Nicki – what you share is something we all miss deeply and it’s not always easy to see our way out of it in a world where everything, just about, is constructed to numb the pain of missing that true connection with love or God.
Agree Matts it is difficult to navigate our way out of the comfortable yet painful way we have become accustomed to living. It’s a slow step by loving step process that we need to commit to even though the results are not instantly felt. The path requires us to have trust that love is the way and that what we are searching for is already there.
This is an awesome blog. lt needs to be in every staffroom in every school magazine. This is a call to change our outmoded ways and to truly see a better way foward for humanity.
And all parenting publications, if parents understood that what children really want is to be met and treated as equals parenting would become a whole lot easier.
‘Let’s be honest, love is what we all truly want. So what if love in action is the true measure of success?’ – Couldnt agree more Nicki and love how you have said this – Love in action is most defenantly a measure of true sucess.
I absolutely agree Katie, this is a great observation Nicki. A ‘better’ life is a life lived in love and nothing less. And so it follows that love in action is indeed the true measure of success.
Love in a action, that sounds like awesome parenting! People will ask “how do you do it?” simple – live love and see your children as equal.
Exactly Harrison. Be love and observe. Simple.
Couldn’t agree more Harrison.
So very well said Harrison. True parenting is indeed love in action and the basis is to be the love we are and hold everybody else as equal instead of holding children as less and spoiling them with irresponsibility.
Yes there is no secret to awesome parenting and is so simple. When you choose to take care of yourself in every nurturing way and see your children as equal and not as a possession to control or form (they are already amazing), there is very little room for tension!
Yes Michelle and I would say the same applies to adults too, whether this is your partner, your family members, friends or colleagues – when we stop trying to control or form everyone around us a lot of tension could be resolved.
I loved this line too Katie Walls, thanks for highlighting it!
Love in action as true succes. The more I am love and choose Truth, the simpler and more fulfilling my life is becoming.
Love in action – a true measure of success, now that is a world I would love to live in. Not what car or degree you have but how much you love.
Living a life that was different than the previous generation is normally. Events pass and things advance. Each generations offers something different and the new generation is not the end of the world as the previous generation may exclaim.
In all honesty the new generation is the more likely one to offer new and lasting change for the better. Because we build off each generation that continues to go around and around.
Luke.. if we build off each generation then should slavery be abolished by now? Shouldn’t we not have any more war? And why are the same childhood hurts repeating themselves, life after life and with each generation?
When you look at what we have built each generation it shows how much we have focused more on the material aspects of life that our quality of life.
Super wise Harrison and exposing that regardless of whatever technology we have available to us today, we have in fact not evolved, in fact, we are devolving. Illness, disease, out of control behaviours and abuse is increasing not decreasing. No matter how you want to paint it we are getting worse as a human race not better.
I agree Harrison. Slavery and war are global issues dating back thousands and thousands of years – if we were the ‘intelligent’ and evolving society that we claim to be then should these hugely abusive behaviours really be still a problem in the 21st Century?
This indeed begs a larger question Harrison, what is the purpose of repeating over and over the same ill choices and why does the same issues and hurts cross so many generations? Are we missing the point and learning what is on offer if we distract ourselves with improving or trying to make our lives better rather than the quality that we live in.
Great question Luke, why are the same childhood hurts repeating themselves life after life. Universal Medicine has shown there is a way to break this cycle, taking responsibility for our hurts so that we do not pass them on to the next generation. This is a model that has been shown to work and the positive impact on our communities are outstanding. Stories like these should be making headlines.
I like that Luke, well said. The importance to understand, which this blog has started, is that there is difference between change and true evolution that offers healing. We are going around the sun every single year, yet there seems to be something missing, even though we have all these great advancements (on a level) so far. This is truly amazing to come back to as human beings, to feel that there is love missing – and so to come back to our origin, which is in truth more then physical advancements can reach.
Whilst we don’t take responsibility for ourselves in our own generation we can’t expect the next to take responsibility for theirs. What we are seeing is even more extreme behaviour than ever before. This is the collective responsibility of us all to really look at how we are living and how we are influencing those who are coming through. To be honest I don’t see the next generation dealing with their issues any differently than mine did, and yet it is each successive generation that reflects back to the older ones what we have been choosing. Whilst we choose to decry the behaviour but not understand it we allow the merry-go-round to continue!
‘”Let’s be honest, love is what we all truly want.” This has to be one of the truest statements out there. Perhaps our difficulty is that was assume love to be something it isn’t; that we act out a version of it that isn’t the real deal? With our craze and crave for the lasted gadgets, gismos, computers, cars, property, education and certain life style and a desire to give our children all the modern comforts possible, we have forgotten that connection is the real deal we are seeking. It’s quite a normal picture to see teenagers together in a group not communicating but with heads down all on social media via their mobile phones, or for families to be together not speaking, but all on various computer devices. It seems that our modern way of living isolates us further from each other rather than bringing us closer together. If we strip life’s joys back to the basics surely connection is the key we have lost?
Beautiful comment Rachel and I completely agree. ‘There is more to life than increasing technology’ is a statement that sounds crazy, yet sometimes I wonder if we are so busy chasing the next update or model, we forget that when we peel it all back ‘love is what we all truly want’.
The definition of how we measure success and progression is a good question to ask. If your definition of success is the love in your heart and the capacity to express this in the world, then things like technological advancement or the ability to recall information mean very little.
Well said Marika…”..success is the love in your heart and the capacity to express this in the world”…all else comes a poor second.
Perfectly said Marika. I totally agree and this is the only true measure if success in my book.
I agree Jane176, we are obsessed as a society with either improving ourselves or keeping up with the latest technology, which all seems to suggest that we are not good enough as we are. Sure technology can allow us to live fully in the world and be connected with others but not at the expense if we are empty and lonely within ourselves.
Isn’t it ridiculous. We loose our connection with ourselves, our light and love within ourselves and from there feeling so miserable that we find all ways of luxury, comfort and prestige in life to feel better. In stead of keeping it very simple by re-connecting back to that sparkle with us. Which is there patiently waiting for us to return.
Love this Rachel “we have forgotten that connection is the real deal we are seeking”. And that is all it is. We have forgotten. We all know it’s possible, we just need to reconnect to remember.
Could not agree more Rachel, connection is a fundamental aspect of life and something truly worth investing in.
It certainly is Jade as it is the only thing that will be important when we passover.
I agree Rachel Murtagh, love is what we all truly want. True love, not the romantic or emotional kind, but the love that is found in our deep connection to the divine.
And hereinafter lies the true healing for the whole of humanity – a return from separation and individualism to true brotherhood through “the love that is found in our deep connection to the divine”.
It is crazy how much time we spend with every thing but human interaction when we have the choice. Instead of seeking the connection with ourselves or others we catapult us into cyber world or all together brain world living in and from our head and missing out on the beauty that is around us and always there.
It is truly crazy Esther that we choose the cyber world or any other distraction over the connection with ourselves. Thank God for Universal Medicine who brought back the simplicity and truth of connection to human life showing us that there is a way.
Yes the group gatherings such as with family or friends yet connection with others through phones and other electronic devices is something I find fascinating. Blackouts used to be something I enjoyed, as everyone came out and we would sit around with candles either talking or playing cards or a game. Even that is different now as in the last blackout everyone had their own wifi! I will always be the fly in the ointment I reckon calling to human to human connection!
I can relate to what you shared here, Lucy, when the family would gather together with a candle in the one room when there was a blackout. It was a lovely feeling of connection in that case. I also remember once when the eye of a small cyclone passed over a group of houses clustered together in a rural area on the North Coast of NSW, where I then lived, as soon as it passed over all the residents gathered together on the corner of the road to see how everyone had fared in the very strong winds. It was a great connection at that time, then after a while was disrupted as the storm came back over the same route from the opposite direction as is normal behaviour for the eye. But it had lost even more intensity at that stage, so there were no problems with any of us. But because of the closeness of that connection, we found that we were much more close a little community thereafter.
Yes Rachel, we have lost our connection with the beauty and joy of life that lives equally in all of us. To not feel the pain from that we so desperately need all those gadgets to distract us from this fact. As in fact the love that we all truly want does lives in us but is never been told or being expressed by role models in our lives, role models that show us a way of living in which they shine their light simply because ‘the world needs it’. That would make a difference and make life so simple, as the only important thing in our life is to live and shine our light to the best of our ability and with that we will change completely the way we will be with one another, as there is a joy in connecting with each other and to shine our light jointly as such. The needs of our gadgets will diminish and will only be used to truly connect to one another and we all will walk with our heads up proudly as we walk with our light.
So true Nico: “we have lost our connection with the beauty and joy of life that lives equally in all of us” and in doing so we are missing out on an amazing life. I see young children all around me whose greatest connection is to the computer and to the television and already at such a young age they are losing their natural ability to relate to others and most importantly, to themselves.
Really enjoyed your comment Rachel – Yes “strip life’s joys back to the basics” Bring on the family gatherings around the table to share and communicate with each other, play time. Time to listen and express in full – connection is most certainly the key.
Technology supposedly makes us more connected but actually we can end up feeling increasingly isolated. As you say Rachel connecting back to the love we are from is the answer and reflecting this out to a world that is crying out for true connection.
We all seek connection through social media, hiding in our phone, laptop or iPad etc instead onto just come back to connecting in real life to the person in front of us, to family, friends or colleagues. We know our life is about connection and that love is what we truly want, we have to see we have made life complex and there is a real simplicity in living in connection with what we know is true.
So simply and beautiful said Annelies! We keep complicating and modifying connection and removing ourselves into a virtual world when true connection is in the simplicity of living who we truly are.
Great point you make here Rachel. It has become the norm to go out and see people at a dinner table not talking to each other because they are all on their mobiles. Crazy. Technology does have its place and is not going away, but the way we are using it has taken us further away from ourselves and each other.
‘”Let’s be honest, love is what we all truly want.” and many will say that they have it in pockets and windows but truly the greatest success is brining it into every step, every breath we take.
Is what we consider a normal childhood really normal or just what most are living? A recent survey in a local school turned up that more than half the children were self harming or cutting themselves as it is called. So if more that half are doing it it would be considered normal presumably. This makes a mockery of the way we define normal behaviour.
I grew up sailing around the world so I didn’t have the normal childhood… but have often questioned what normal is and why it is accepted just because so many are doing it. With the rates of cutting and self harming these days, we really do need to stop and ask what is going on and why has it got to this?
So true Rosie, we have accepted it as normal that a lot of young people cut themselves rather than ask what is the underlying sources of this deep unhappiness.
Yes Rosie and more and more children are having to be referred for mental health issues in school. It’s a growing problem that we collectively need to start discussing and addressing.
It is alarming to read that half the children in a school are self harming. This shows just how important it is that we have this understanding Nicki is sharing here. Kids need true connection and the confirming of how amazing they are just for be-ing, and we can only offer this when we are claiming it within ourselves.
For so many children their substitute for connection of any sort is a screen. Parents are busy and stressed and it seems easier to use a screen than to take the time to connect. When we do truly connect with children and allow them to be themselves you can literally watch their petals unfold as they blossom into their gorgeous selves for as you say Anna just be-ing.
That is the facts Anna we can only honour our children’s need to be if we honour our need to be and place that as important. We lack connection with ourselves and therefore are unable to connect with our children the pain of that is now evident for all to see.
what an amazing offering Anna ” Kids need true connection and the confirming of how amazing they are just for be-ing, and we can only offer this when we are claiming it within ourselves” – the consequences of offering or not offering this to our children and ourselves are so huge and so radically opposite
This is a staggering point you make Doug, we are so far from a true normal that we think that if something is common that it is okay or acceptable, your point is a slap in the face about how wrong we are as a society. Its time to reevaluate what our priorities are when it comes to rising the next generation.
Very true Doug, if we keep defining normal by what the majority does we stay on a downward spiral. We cannot keep going and adjust the norm with every step we do as the tracks that we follow have been a long trotten path of repeating the same ill behaviours desensitising us in the process and going into more extreme behaviours not only generation by generation but meanwhile within one generation. A call for true change is what is needed not in the sense of securing our life even more but opening up our defence and connecting back what we innately know is true and are yearning for, the love and connection with ourselves and others.
I totally agree Doug, just because the majority of children behave in a particular way it does not mean it is normal. However what is clear is that the majority of children in that school are trying to say something and not feeling heard so they are expressing in a way they see others cope. Sadly I have seen too many situations where adults say it is a phase these children go through. What I see is that if this is not picked up on and addressed these children will find other coping mechanisms that might be more socially palatable but never truly address the underlying issue.
Good point Doug. So often we herald behaviours as ‘normal’ (or at least accept them as being ok) because there are a large majority doing them, but this does not make it truly normal – as in natural. Why is it that as a society we have not caught onto this irony and spoken out and / or is it because we don’t want to accept responsibility for looking at the real reasons we have chosen the behaviour in the first instance?
Doug you make a great point. SInce normal merely describes what we have accepted as the norm then it is always changing, and clearly this is not always an advancement. Should we not be aspiring to Live to our full potential, a potential that has no limitations.
Yes Doug it’s time to really not hold back one iota of introducing by way of celebrating the true normal many of us now live as a result of the Way of the Livingness. It is not normal to live constantly wanting and missing ourselves resorting to abusive behaviours to alleviate the pain. It is very normal to live a full and joyful life and know we are truly home having connected deeply with ourselves and hence our soul.
Common is not the same as ‘normal’ and doesn’t make it right. I love this blog as it highlights what is true and our natural way and exposes what society has got caught up in and feels comfortable with. If connection is what it is all about then everyone including our Education system has to take responsibility for what is happening and make different choices
I agree with you Doug, much of what we define normal behaviour is nowadays what I would rather describe as abusive, abusive to self and/or abusive to others. That definitely includes self harming and cutting as you say so many children are now taking part in. I would also include sexting and cyber abuse, they also are becoming so common that many would regard them now as being normal behaviour.
It is time for us to recognise a new normal, even if it only covers a few of us who refrain from these, for me, abusive behaviours. Just because over half the population behaves in certain ways, we don’t have to recognise them as ‘normal’. The present use of the word is certainly a mockery of the word ‘normal’.
Wow Doug that is full on. More than half of the children self-harming. Seriously we have to ask what is going on, we may think we have it better than before but this shows we seriously have something wrong.
When half the children, or any children for that matter, are cutting themselves surely it is time to stop and take an honest in depth look and ask why? Why would anyone want to harm themselves when life can be so full of love, joy and harmony – clearly there is something wrong here that needs to be addressed. It is quite incredible that we as a humanity cannot see that even one person harming themselves is not ok.
Great point Doug. And very true. We actually need to stop using the word ‘normal’ instead of ‘common’. It is common that many are displaying behaviours that are a cry for help and saying that this is not a true way to be however it is not normal. Normal is to be with the love, surrender and tenderness we were born with as babies not the unease that many live with and the so called ways to deal with that unease. Just because a majority are doing something that is harming does not make it normal, it makes it common.
Well said Johanna. Yes, COMMON behaviour puts it into context. There is absolutely nothing that is normal in this accepted behaviour of self harm prevalent amongst children today. Why is this cry for help being ignored by society and glossed over it to make it ‘normal’.
Very true Doug. Normal does not mean natural or true. Normal is simply what most people are doing. It is wise to challenge the norm.
We indeed live in a time where normal is what the majority of people are doing without questioning, is this a symptom of a deeper discontent and living in such a way that is not true to ourselves.
Great point Doug and it only makes the news for a short period of time, as it is “new” and a quite shocking behavior. At the same time consuming alcohol, getting stoned to school and taking all kind of drugs has already become normal and only if someone is not being able to keep up with the social requirements anymore it is looked into it. Adult life normal is so massively abusive that our kids behavior is considered as moderate and normal.
That statistic is truly shocking Doug. How have we allowed our picture of ‘normal’ to look like this? What will it take for us all to accept that there is something significantly wrong if only one child is cutting themselves let alone the numbers you mention. This figure does not even take into account all those children who have other mental health issues all coming under the same banner as normal.
Absolutely Doug this kind of survey should bring a galactic stop and reflection of what is going on – i was a self harmer as kid and can say absolutely that i did not consider that what i was doing was self abusive – I just saw it as a way of a saying “I don’t care” because this was all i saw around me.
When children harming themselves, that is really shocking. It means, that they are really desperate and they don’t know what to do any more. It is really time, to show them another way to live and to reflect to them, what we really are – love.
Society defines a successful child as one who performs very well or functions very well, but you are spot on Nicki, there is a much better – read ‘true’ measure of success and that is all about connection. A really important blog to go mainstream.
Yes Suzanne, Nicki’s sharing needs to be published in the parenting arena. Simple and true, it would be welcomed by those ready to receive the truth.
True Suzanne society defines success as someone who performs and functions well. I was part of a successful middle class family in the UK with parents that were together and three sisters. We had a large house, a private education, cars, holidays abroad in the summer and sometimes in Easter. We fitted the ideal picture, yet we were miserable, unable to get along and settle being together. There were constant tensions and anxiety between family members and what we all craved were to be met and loved…even my parents were seeking that from each other and from us too. We couldn’t articulate what it was that we wanted yet the ache for connection was all the same for all of us.
And yet, with all that you describe, with all the miserableness, it seems to still be a model upbringing that most people would love to have as if very few people expect anything better.
The awareness of connection is very thin amongst us as a race, and it’s costing us dearly. Kids taking drugs and going crazy in teenage years shows us that everything isn’t ok. The price we pay for not connecting with each other as humans is through the roof.
And it is so inspiring when one encounters teenagers who are not going crazy with drugs and sex because they have been brought up to be connected with themselves.
Yes Felicity, and we wonder why pornography and teenage sex is through the roof. Instead of us all just looking on and shaking our heads thinking teenagers are just going crazy, we need to look at why are they going for these things and what are they getting out of them. Super clear that if these were replaced with love or more so if love was the foundation no way would something void of love be chosen.
It is interesting that there are other levels of disconnection that are not as obvious as the drugs and alcohol that is prevalent in many social writings.
The levels of academia assaults – high achieving students who are driven with success living with constant levels of comparison and competition. The low levels of connection are just as harming but are often over looked as they fit a criteria of tick all the right boxes in society based on what is believed to be true success.
This seems to be the case Christoph…this is the ideal that we have ‘made it’ in life, yet the emptiness, lack of fulfilment and lack of joy in my case is well and truly probably true for the majority. It’s like we know there is more but can’t quite touch it somehow and have deeply accepted a lesser way of being as normal. It’s like a giving up. Thank goodness for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for showing so clearly and beautifully what the ‘more’ is.
Absolutely Christoph. It is true reflection that society as a whole needs and craves in order to undo the mess we are currently in. For this – connection and responsibility are key.
Yes, thats the crazy part, that although it is failing all around the world, we still follow this lifestyle model. Material wealth is so highly valued that in the constant struggle to get more we pursue happiness in disconnection and accept misery instead.
Very true Rachel – ‘Material wealth is so highly valued that in the constant struggle to get more we pursue happiness in disconnection and accept misery instead’
The misery you share here Rachel Andras is considered the norm and when one lives and moves with vitality it is often shun or criticised, rather than noted as a marker of the true potential we are all offered to live.
Agree, Christophe, and our idea of better is just more of the same; bigger house, more expensive cars, more qualifications, more holidays etc etc. We have lost our way for such a long time, it’s as if we are oblivious to any other way, and even if we hear about it, we are not sure how to ‘do it,’ or should I say ‘be’ it.
Indeed Christoph, if its not tangible society refuses to acknowledge the deep sadness and lack of connection in this model, for if we do, we might have to open up and admit that it’s not working.
That is the downfall of having ‘ideals’ -, they leave one with little room for pondering if things could be better, truer or even possible. All of which are of course can be and are for those who are brave enough to look outside the box.
So true Christoph and so this is precisely what we all strive for, focusing on earnings, which is the best school, holidays which often come at the expense of the child.
I am sure so many can relate to what you share Rachel. Lately there have been a lot of famous people share that no matter how famous or how much you have it never seems enough. It would seem no amount of outer makes up for the lack of inner connection and it is what we all ultimately crave.
True Laura, this can also be seen with the aristocracy. They are no more content in life with all their enormous houses and wealth than those with far less material wealth. We think that happiness and joy will come with the greater amount of ownership and have forgotten than it is the inner connection we are seeking. Instead of making that connection we look to everything outside of ourselves to fill the void.
This Laura, coming from those who seemingly have it all this proved that this way is totally untrue and unsupportive.
There is nothing in this world that supersedes the feeling lived love in our body brings.
Well said Abby, nothing can ever surpass what is already within
This is so true and so worth exploring for oneself – thank you for putting it so simply Abby
Yes Rachel, all the trappings of a successful and/or comfortable life mean nothing if there is no connection.
Exactly Hannah. Nothing will ever satisfy us if it is not about true love. We might pretend we are ok, but deep down we know.
Yes Vicky the knowing deep down is what truly hurts as we know we are not living the life we feel we could possibly live.
So true Rachel, we can keep seeking things external from us despite the fact they never satisfy in the long term. Yet it is an ache for connection both with ourselves and with others is what we truly want.
There is a lot going on under the heading of a secure life that is not part of the picture. There comes another image into play: yes, we are not perfect but we are better off compared to (another picture). That comparison allows us to keep going, eventually addressing issues that may come up and that are felt as dysfunctional. The ‘what is’ and the ‘what is not’ offer totally different platforms to feel into our lives and to act on it.
A perfect example of how the material goods we have don’t really fulfil the inner yearning for love and connection; they are a great foundation and certainly make life easier and more comfortable, but they are not it, not what we are truly after and not what truly nurtures, replenishes and supports us.
Whether we have the holidays, gardens and cars or not, we are lost and empty without knowing the love that we are. There are so many distractions and behaviours just waiting for us to go to in order to not feel that emptiness…I love learning another way of being that supports us to feel that love instead of that emptiness.
Yes we often see our kids as doing good because of their grades but that really tells us nothing about who they are and how they feel in the world. Grades at school are about doing and achieving… mostly to get recognition but they rarely if ever consider the being. Usually the doing is at the expense of the being.
This is so true Rosie Bason and I found there is competition between parents at the school gates boasting about their children and how well they are doing at school. But we forget to ask the child how they are doing, what are they really thinking how can we when after school we run them around so they can play different sports, or go to all the different clubs that are on offer. They must be absolutely tired out from so much stimulation, what are we setting them up to become?
This is true, Mary and it seems that the more parents’ do’ for their children they think they have got it ‘right’. However it is now showing in the mental health of teenagers that this is not so.
An old saying springs to mind here – ‘the way to hell is paved with good intentions”. Parents want the best for their children, always wanting to make their life better than the parent had as a child. How deeply the illusion binds us into perpetuating this ideal that this is ‘right’. As you say Julie, the mental health of teenagers is making glaringly obvious that this is not the way to live in connection and fullness of love.
Wouldn’t it be interesting to pose this question often as this would support to expose the truth in how children are really feeling about school, their relationships with friends and family and to uncover a hidden belief that everything is fine when in many cases this is far from the truth.
That is so true, the doing is prioritised over the being, time and time again we make this mistake and as Nicki demonstrates we know no better from our parents, and or did they know any different from their parents. It’s up to us to be the generation that changes it all once and for all.
Yes Felicity, until we the adults change what our priorities are, children will continue to follow our lead. We make the mistake also of telling them one thing, but behave in a completely different way. Children copy more what they see than what they hear.
Which beggs the question is there a deeper way of supporting our children through school without such a focus on the grades.
Great question Abby, I imagine as Nicki described it is how we as adults can provide an example that it is more important to focus on the quality of our connection than achieving or getting this done.
And with that focus on grades at school comes the deeper and more hidden focus on security and a “good life’ with all the trappings of success – and so often at the expense of the inner being and innate richness.
Yes Gabriele the chase for security from outside of ourselves leaving hidden the absolute richness that is there inside of us which totally knows all of our needs.
Yes this is a great question Abby. I have recently been talking with teachers and parents about concerns over excessive testing in schools and the impact it is having on the stress levels of students. The system we are currently working with is very demoralizing for both students and teachers.
Great point Rosie, we always focus on the temporal and measurable aspects instead of how we are actually feeling and living. It is about the quality we are living in and not the amount of recognition we can achieve by ticking the boxes.
Parents tend to segment their own lives and hence tend to use the same measurement to assess the kids’ ones. If they do good in school, they have good friends and seem to be happy there everything is fine no matter what happens with them at home. Yet, in truth, that supposed wellness should be part of every movement if it is true.
Absolutely Rosie – “the doing is at the expense of the being” a friend and i were recently discussing the 10/15minutes we get in a parents meeting with our child’s teacher and how empty it can feel simply discussing their development like they are robots without any real discussion of who they are and the qualities they bring to the group – extraordinary when you ponder we are talking about 5 year olds in this way!
I feel that the short once a year appointment parents get every year is really not enough. Schools are part of our community and they should do more to encourage parental involvement so that education is a team effort where parent have a more collaborative role. Giving parents more opportunity to come into school would be great as well as sharing how they can support children with their learning.
Well said Rosie – In the past I got easily lost in the doing and it felt terrible. I’m so glad, that I’m now learning more and more just to be myself and that is enough. I’m already divine and now it is the time to show my divine light the world.
…And if our measure of success for children is off kilter, what does that say about our measure of success for life and ourselves as adults???
Great point Kylie, it would seem we are totally of kilter, our priorities about ‘bettering’ life but at what expense and cost to self?
Great question Kylie. By all accounts it seems very low from what I see and feel in daily life.
Well said Kylie as this is exactly where children are heading, to the adult world and everything we apply to the kids world is just a version of how we live adult life. We try to censor and protect our kids from certain harming practices and keep them away till they are grown up, but the measure of success in society is far removed from anything true.
I agree fully Kylie and Rachel. As a child I can remember observing adults as a whole and sensing there was very little correlation between their actions and their words spoken. This brought a feeling of being very insecure in the world of ‘grown up, adult life’. Painful and almost intolerable teenage years and beyond of choosing to withdraw and separate in the attempt to remain safe in the ‘child world’ as long as possible, continually seeking for that missing piece brought more confusion and self-protection.
I agree Suzanne this is a stunning read and shines a great big light on the rot that is our society at the moment. To be shared widely!