Recently I did the unthinkable – I put myself, my husband and my two sons on a technology detox! As I packed every device away, I literally had a lump in my throat and felt uneasy about what was to come. It had been building to this point for about two months – after our move to another country. If we felt lonely or had feelings come up that were uncomfortable to feel – like missing family and friends – we resorted to filling ourselves up with Internet, social media, TV, movies and gaming devices. I had found myself going to my iPhone several times in just an hour. The need to connect with people was strong.
I realised that when I was tired, stressed or lonely, I would go and turn the telly on….. ahh, relief…. I could lose myself in a program or movie. Even though I personally didn’t watch much TV, I felt the most desperate when I made the choice to take away the remotes.
Before and After Our Technology Detox
After the initial shock for my sons aged 10 and 11 (which lasted all of 5 minutes), they understood that it was something for us all to experience – what life was like without the distractions of technology. Before the detox, even with time limits they would check out on gaming devices, lack focus, be disorganised and have a fogginess. Once they accepted the fact of the detox, they immediately looked around their rooms and found things they used to play with. They played marbles outside, kicked a soccer ball, played with lego, went to the park and did experiments.
The first morning after beginning our technology detox, I woke up with a smile on my face – I felt an instant freeing feeling. Everyone felt amazing and so did the house – sounds too good to be true? Well it truly was just like that: everyone still had issues with the decision, especially the boys, but it was like this weight had been lifted off us all. Usually I would wake up and reach for my phone beside me to check something, even if it was just the weather! One son would get up and turn on a TV program and the other would join him or play on his iPod. I realised we were all literally hooked into technology in different ways.
How do you know what you are like with something if you don’t have the time without it to feel and see the difference?
We were able to see each other for who we truly are without all the distractions of TV, phones, gaming devices, etc, and hiding behind them.
The boys completed their homework with no pushing, were super organised in their rooms and ready for their day at school. What was very clear to see and feel also was that the fogginess that is usually there was completely gone – our eyes sparkled! We were all left to feel what our bodies wanted to do.
We cooked together and ate as a family, talked about our days and shared our feelings. We went to sleep earlier than usual as we were free to feel how tired we were instead of getting drawn into a TV program at night and going past that time when you really feel to put yourself to bed. During the day I noticed that without the distractions it was easier for me to have a rest and lie down whenever I felt tired.
Nothing was too much trouble or too hard to do. We really noticed how much time we had previously wasted focussing on things that didn’t have a heartbeat; our lack of connection to family and society became more apparent. Now if I feel to connect with someone I call them and say ‘hi’.
Since finishing our technology detox, old habits of getting lost in some form of technology still creep in, but with this detox experience allowing us to feel the effect on our bodies of the overuse of technology, we can definitely see and feel the difference and arrest it a lot sooner.
Technology OVERLOAD – Bringing Back Connection
Technology overload and saturation is so prevalent in society, especially with children and teenagers. Our sons say that video console games are all the boys talk about at school and if you don’t have the latest inappropriate violent game, you’re left out of the loop. Girls are excluded if they’re not on social media taking photos of themselves. This is in grades 4 and 6!!
What are we saying to others when we are always looking at our phones or computer screens? It can’t be that we are so important that we don’t have time to talk to others. As a result of our technology detox, our family was able to share how it feels when each of us ignores ourselves and each other when we are checked out with technology. I looked around and observed technology overload almost everywhere – friends, family, work colleagues and people out at shopping centres – nobody truly being with each other as they are looking at their phones instead.
Since this experience I have no desire or need to connect to others from behind a screen – or to check my emails continually. All I can say is:
The feeling of freedom to feel and think of what is needed next is so clear since my technology detox.
Technology is all around us and we use it every day, but perhaps we need to consider whether we are using it to support our lives or whether we are trying to get technology to give to us what we will not give to ourselves…
I feel it’s worth taking the time to consider and appreciate that we can still stay connected with ourselves and with each other whilst living in a world of technology.
By Aimee Edmonds, Vancouver
Further Reading:
Does Technology Simplify our Lives?
What’s right with this world?
Anti-Social Behaviour
1,004 Comments
This is such an inspiring exercise Aimee. I just love the idea. recently a friend and I decided to put ourselves on a program for 7 days that meant we were not to be on our phones and checking social media an hour before bed. A time we often check out when we need to the least because we are already so tired and the stimulation from the screen and all the stuff coming with it is so not conducive to a good nights sleep.
We found that we loved it, that it was a relief to not feel like we needed to ‘check in’ with the world and what was going on – cause let’s get real…nothing of huge importance is really going on in the world of social media anyway.
So, whilst we slip up here and there, we have made it an ongoing thing…it’s so much better going to sleep without the busyness of all the ‘stuff’ that comes at your through the internet. I highly recommend it!
Love it Elodie! Doesn’t it open up so much more space for connection and just feeling what you feel to do together. Imagine if people with insomnia or having other troubles sleeping, experiencing nightmares and waking up drained tried the program you put yourself on. Our bodies show us loud and clear what we take on and if what we put in to it is not conducive with the love that it is…. and most of us don’t even consider that when we check-out on social media or any other device before bed is like ingesting poison. I can feel that after watching TV and how much my mood than changes.
What is really important to me about this blog, is how it brings technology in to balance with normal life. Because we are after all in a technological age, and it is wise to adapt to this situation and to not fight it, but to learn how to be with it in harmony, utilising technology for the greater whole and not purely for self gain or entertainment. But maybe in order to live with technology in this way, it s important to know what it is like to live without it all together. That is, to have a clear known experience of life from all angles so that not one angle takes over and is the dominant force of life.
There is such an addictive nature to technology that yes, I can understand the trepidation of what would come pre-detox. But once the withdrawal symptoms have passed, it is the same in my household, where creativity comes back as does the joy of simply being oneself.
I have felt the pull to numb myself with TV watching often to avoid feeling what was truly going on for me as a young girl. It was often a crutch when I was feeling that there were parts of my life that I needed to look at that were not working or even to avoid responsibility for what was needed at the time.
“We really noticed how much time we had previously wasted focusing on things that didn’t have a heartbeat” this really stands out for me in exposing the current addiction to devices and the latest gizmo rather than connecting with living, breathing people and nature. Many years ago – before the invention of modern technology – I spent a week with 3 friends in a remote cottage where there was no electricity, no plumbing, so no central heating or water on tap. We spent our days trimming and cleaning the paraffin lamps, collecting water from the well, cutting firewood, stoking the fire and preparing fresh food – as there was no fridge. It was a magical time where we really came to feel and know each other more deeply.
When I look at the way that entertainment and communication technology is being used today I feel a great sadness, to watch so many bright young people seemingly draining their lives away while staring at a screen. This feeling often makes me react and I either become frustrated or angry, but really I am just sad about it, because it is not normal to be so zonked out on a screen, and it is not normal to feel so de-energised the way that screens can do that. Essentially though, as I have recently come to realise, is that each one of us has to want to be and to live in connection with our bodies, no one can force this upon us or make us want to have it, ultimately if we want to zone-out on a screen, then we have every right to do that. It’s just so special when someone comes along who loves you so dearly that they are willing to turn the screen off and give you the opportunity to be with yourself again, to feel the loveliness of who you are and maybe even to enjoy nature again.
I love your commitment to offer yourself and your family the opportunity to let go of what we can otherwise allow to consume or control us on a regular basis. Spending half my day on the computer for work or study, I can only wish I had that option for I can imagine the benefits would be remarkable like you have experienced. There is definitely an obsessive or distracting element that can creep in that is deeply detrimental to our connection with selves and others.
Hello Aimee and this is not an experiment in our house but more ‘normal’ for us. We have noticed huge changes in how we all interact without going to devices. They have their place within the home but first we are about the people and watch how we are all interacting and from there make a call on what happens next. I have noticed the conversations and depth of understanding in the house has changed, we feel closer. I love this idea you had back when you wrote this blog and when you make a change like this the change in how we are with each other is unmeasurable, thank you.
A technology detox sounds like a great experiment to do. We have become so reliant on technology in today’s world that we think we can’t do without it. Using technology in this way where it affects us when it is taken away is a sure sign that we are addicted without even noticing it. It has become so much our ‘normal’ way of being that we don’t even question this addiction.
There are a number of different games you list – the old school marbles for instance, that have long been consigned to ancient memory in favour of the instant entertainment offered by the phone, laptop etc. The develop different skills, different behaviours and connections between people.. and that feels like the biggest lack if we get too obsessed with all the technology that surrounds us these days.
There is so much that has been given way and that as a collective we don’t stop to question Simon… like what you have just shared. Now, amongst primary and high school children, talking is texting and playing with your friends is having headphones on and having a virtual play by competitively outsmarting or physically shooting each other in a game. This is not normal but has been made normal because we put a label on it, as advancement, and how it ‘just is’ in today’s world.
Technology is the modern day drug that is even more addictive because it is easy to think that it isn’t poisonous. I would say it is even more sinister because who is ever going to think that hours of unnecessary time online is going to causing all sorts of harmful actions, words and behaviours elsewhere in our lives?
Well said Vicky, and it comes under the guise of playing or connecting, so why would we ever consider that it would affect us detrimentally. We need to come back to what is true connection with ourselves and each other and then look out at the distractions and addictions from there. Then there may be more honesty. My son just shared that a new phone is coming out tomorrow, he called out what he felt… how they have changed things only to make money, but also how cool it is and that is what will get people to buy it. It is so true, we don’t often stop to feel what is going on behind many new technology advancements etc.
It is so easy to become hooked on technology and in that way it becomes like any other drug that we use to not feel what is going on for us. Sooner or later we need to stop running away from ourselves and face whatever hurts we carry. When we do that we can easily feel comfortable in our own skin and not need to use any form of distraction to avoid ourselves.
It’s sad to see the world so lost in technology and actually believing that we are using it to be more connected. The connection offered over social media, gaming or anywhere across devices and the Internet is 99% not a true and loving or inspiring connection. Instead it provides a false sense of connection that’s really controlling with the ability to stay in protection and comfort and not actually be intimate and open.
So true Danielle, and why would we question it when all we see is others choosing the same thing and all believing that it is a true way to connect. That is why it is so important to show another way… expose lovingly what gets in the way of us sharing ourselves openly with each other and getting the right support to heal this.
I don’t know if I am the worst one for being hooked into technology in my family but I would have to be up there. The hook is strong and kind of crept up on me. I love it when we go camping and there’s no chance of using any of it. I love feeling more connected to myself. When I am on the train, I love looking out of the window or looking around at the people and this doesn’t happen when I am on a device. The convenience of checking my emails has not improved my efficiency with replying to them. I don’t feel that I get more done since being able to do those tech things anywhere. I just feel what is lost are all those quiet, pensive moments that made me feel calm.
It’s definitely time to review what is necessary, what serves me and let go of the rest.
Kids these days are not being raised by parents, but by technology. The fact that most parents are not as up to speed with the social trends of the younger generations, especially when it comes to technology, coupled with hugely busy and stress-full lives, results in most leaving the technology to the kids instead of truly understanding what is going on for them. It is definitely not the technology, it is how we are raising our children and our connection with ourselves that are the issues here.
Well said Joshua, when we come from this understanding we can’t blame anything outside of ourselves for why we are in the mess or unloving place we have chosen to be in.
Technology is something that is such the focus of our lives these days, the way it is not being used, whether it is our phones, iPads, computers, the level of connection with each other has diminished. We feel so much more at home now in front of these devices, not as comfortable being able to be open to our fellow neighbours, colleagues or family. So i loved reading about your technology detox, very inspiring indeed.
So where and when are the “ detox with Aimee” workshops starting? I reckon there would be millions of parents joining… It really is such an intense problem and it is wonderful to read about a breakthrough.
Interesting question Chris? Definitely needed as you say! We can start by openly sharing our own experiences with how we use or hide behind techonology with other parents, adults and children…. and lead by example. I’m sure you have also experienced this, when you start talking with another parent about children getting stuck on games etc. that everyone is feeling the same tension and angst in their own homes with this problem but not sure of what to do about it.
After the initial reaction to not having it with me forgetting to take my mobile phone with me in the morning feels great – not so much because of the phone calls but because of the mass of other uses with modern smart phones.
I’ve had this experience as well Michael and it is very revealing to find out how attached we’re to our smart phones and all the distractions or connection they offer us. I find when I don’t want to feel something or I’m not sure what is needed in a situation or really busy, instead of checking in with myself and feeling what is going on, I turn to my phone to look at something or check something.
Technology offers us a great many promises. With it we can feel connected with eachother because we can be engaged in this constant thread of communication with eachother. On the one hand this is lovely, and it can appear to be unifying. However, in my experience, the reality tends be quite different, with social media sites often being used for escapism, or abuse. Is it therefore vitally important that in addition to the online world, we are also building and developing our actual world and the relationships therein?
I had to read this blog again, to remind me of that sentence of how the TV is such a relief. If there is something challenging I’m feeling… I can just switch on the TV and it all fades into the background, no need to look at / deal with the issue. Such a check out, and yet its the primary form of ‘entertainment’ in the modern age (albeit with social media making a good challenge for pole position these days).
So true Simon, and it is something we have asked for by the masses to not feel our hurts and issues. There will always be some form of entertainment, magazines, stimulation etc. while we are looking for relief and an opportunity to check out, until we see it for what it is and no longer chose it.
This is such a great blog to revisit Aimee, there is always more for me to reflect upon and notice how I am using technology in my everyday life. Recently I am noticing how often I am checking emails or working on the computer right up until I go to sleep, and I notice how this can affect the quality of my sleep and I am waking up tired. I am going to experiment for a week or 2 without doing computer work just before bed and see how differently I feel the following day – I will let you know how I go.
Great experiment Anna, there is such much wisdom we can share with each other when we are honest and experiment for ourselves with what is truly working for us and what is working against us. Look forward to hearing how it went.
For many of us doing a detox like this is unthinkable yet it reveals how dependant we have become on technology to the point where for many we would not even know ourselves and what we do without it. I reckon the key to having a healthy relationship with technology is to live in such a way where we know who we are first and it is seen as a tool and not the be all and end all of life
I made this connection this week how our devices are not unlike a child’s ‘security blanket’ or toy…something that many must have to be able to function, go to sleep, feel safe in some cases, be intimate and have alone time with themselves in this world. Not everyone uses technology like this…but this needing to occupy or keep ourselves stimulated is huge and not going away any time soon. From my own experience whenever I go for technology and it is definitely not needed for work or paying the bills etc. it comes down to not being connected to myself and craving that connection again but looking for it on the outside.
Aimee, I love the title ‘Technology Detox’ – and it is so true, it seems to be something unfathomable these days! I can share from my observations how important this is – I have certainly been witness to the changes that happen in kids when they are doing a lot of screen time versus not doing screen time. When kids ‘do screen time’, often it feels like they loose themselves a little – their eyes change, the way they speak changes and when you ask them to stop the screen time they can get grumpy or even aggressive and very disrespectful. Contrast with this a technology detox when screen time is banned for even a few days to a week, and you have a different child – one who looks you in the eyes, has a spark and a vitality and a willingness to be a part of things. I know that there is often more involved in the picture that just screen time alone, but the difference can be phenomenal to observe. I certainly know which kid I would rather hang out with!
Thank you Aimee – You have me rethinking the way I use technology. Lately I have noticed that I feel drained when I spend time flicking through emails and social media on my phone and I wonder how my energy levels might change if I stopped checking out in this way. I am also becoming more aware of the impact my technology check outs are having on my relationships. It is absurd to seek connection through a device when we are missing out on the people we share our lives with.
It is absurd Leonne, I watched a revealing video this week where devices were removed from each picture of families and friends together… it was awful seeing and feeling the emptiness and disconnection between them and how absorbed their whole bodies were looking at something without a face. The thing is we have been led to believe that devices don’t hurt us like people can, but this is a big lie, because the more we turn to devices to not connect, the more we cement our hurts, not deal with them and push ourselves away in the process.
Technology detox sounds awesome and I can see the benefits that come from this. In children I can particularly see the changes when you take away the ‘screen time’ – first there is a grumpiness that comes in and you get the complaints and the dragging of the feet (this is boring, there is nothing to do), the lethargy kicks in and the glazed eyes. But once this phase is passed, it is like life is returned to the young ones – they rediscover how to go out and play and use their imagination and how to interact with people. Their eyes have sparkles again and they actually look you in the eye and connect again. The changes are enormous and wonderful to see.
Technology is quite a unique distraction, as we can literally carry it in our pocket 24/7, all days of the year, without having to go and buy something or be at home to use it. Due to it’s accessibility it’s vital that we can gauge when we are using it for proper use – to communicate, connect and so forth – and when we are using it as a checkout. If we’re not aware of when we use it as a distraction then as you’ve shared Aimee it can become a huge and dominating part of everyday life.
I don’t have it with TV, my addiction is with my I-phone. I have this habit of looking at it every time I have a moment. Even when there is no sound going off, I am checking. With travelling, I also have this habit to grab my phone and check things. Why can’t I just sit with myself, I am wondering. Really something to ponder on…
It is so true what you say Aimee and we use many devices in the illusion of connection when really we are disconnecting and checking out.
Such a powerful experiment Aimee, I can feel that fog myself when I have been in front of a screen too long. I always feel better on days where my work takes me out and about to meet people and I definitely use computers as a distraction to fill up an emptiness. The less I do this the better I feel and the more I have to bring to my conversations with people.
Spot on Stephen, this is fantastic – the connection with people (and this includes self) is far more important that screen time!
Such a vital topic that should be more broadly discussed because we’ve essentially set humanity on one of the biggest social experiments ever. In ten years’ time we’ll begin to reap the so-called rewards of our relationship with technology – those unintended consequences from the impact of technology on the connection with ourselves and others and the reasons why we ‘use’. Technology detoxes will no doubt soon be top of the self-help leaderboards.
The word detox literally means to rid something of poison. So, this blog raises the question, from what poison do we feel free when we remove excessive entrainment technology from our homes? And why do we allow that poison in the first place to be there?
I recently removed the TV from my living room wall and put it away, I hadn’t turned it on for ages and now the room feels so different without it. I feel less imposed upon, freer, and the room is more spacious and peaceful. I am amazed at the difference. Lovely to read of your experience and how your family is reconnecting deeply as a result.
Aimee, I congratulate you and your family for taking the plunge into technology blackout for a week. Every time I hear of families doing this there seems to be only positive outcomes, through connection to siblings and Parents, or Parents spending more quality time fully focussed on their children and time for each other. I know it is harder for this generation to spend time together than it was when rearing my own children but it is worth the effort to build those lasting strong connections with family and not feel isolated from each other with or because of technology.
Brilliant blog Aimee and you have nailed it with this sentence: “Technology is all around us and we use it every day, but perhaps we need to consider whether we are using it to support our lives or whether we are trying to get technology to give to us what we will not give to ourselves…”
Inspired to look at life and situations in another way by attending the latest UK Unimed Retreat, Serge Benhayon really brought into focus what it means to truly appreciate the amazing transformations we see all around us, and how TV and entertainment has absolutely nothing on being in life, saying yes to what is needed and building true connections with others. Technology has its place, but when it starts to interfere with what really matters, then it is a sure sign we are using it to not be fully in life and need a place to escape and relieve what we react to around us. Which we definitely do not find healing in.
Last night after dinner my daughter and I were wrapped in a blanket in the hammock looking out at the stars and the beautiful full moon and we had a gorgeous time laughing and talking together. Some people may feel we are weird because we don’t have a tv, but there is no movie or tv show that entertains us like these precious moments we experience together.
Technology serves a purpose and it is a great source in which we can work and connect to many. When it becomes a matter of urgency throughout the day the shift becomes more of an addiction that stops the rest of our daily routines to support ourselves.
Making the choice to scroll on your phone while eating your lunch rather than appreciate the yummy food that was prepared and enjoy all the flavours.
To sit with family and friends and check your emails rather than stopping to share your day and appreciate another’s
These and many more examples show the disconnection that may occur when we choose to make life screen time not connection time.
After a while of not watching TV, life becomes too interesting to give it up for some “chill time”. What happens to our relationships, our commitments and responsibilities when we watch tv, do they go on hold? Living with attention to our life and the quality of what is happening is far more refreshing and rewarding than any TV show or movie!
We say we love our TV, we love all the devices we can have access to, we love our movies and often say ‘I can just sit down and loose myself for hours’… but what are we loosing when we say this? What are we saying to ourselves and others before we think of checking out and loosing ourselves? I can see that for me the dialogue has been ‘I don’t want to deal with this right now’ or ‘I’m tired and I don’t want to stop and completely care and nurture myself by looking at how I have been living, eating, communicating, working etc.’. Imagine if we were totally honest like this now… then would we not be more aware of how we feel when we get up from that TV or computer screen? With more honesty we would then not bury and push down more in our body by defending and making excuses for our choices.