Have you ever considered the responsibility we have in the lead up to our passing over, and when we pass over and die, or do we just consider it is something that will happen to us and we will be taken care of, or that we don’t have to think about just now? That we are on our way out, so what does it matter anyway?
Have you ever considered or thought about the level of detail in which you would like to be taken care of and pass over? For example, if you have been living a very healthy gluten free, sugar free and dairy free diet, do you want to be given chocolate biscuits, cake, pasta and coffee to eat and drink? Or do you want to set up a plan or a legal document stating exactly what kind of diet you will eat in the lead up to your passing over?
Do you want to die at home or in a hospital? Do you want a TV on or music from the radio, or would you like silence, no TV and/or music to be played that is clear of emotions?
Do you want people visiting you all day, or do you want your own time and space and set up a time for people to visit that best supports you, when you feel to?
How do you lie in bed – would you like to be put in a position that truly supports you and your body to heal, sleep and deeply rest?
What clothes do you want to wear – is there a particular feel you want on your skin, or a warm blanket to cover your bed? How do you want the lighting to be – would you like the main lights on or maybe a bedside light brought in? Are there particular books you would like to have there with you to read?
Many families choose to not tell people they are going to die. But do you want to be told, even though deep down we do all know that it is your time to pass over? So you can prepare in whatever way you need to, be it letting go of old hurts, things you have held onto, clearing stuff from your body for passing over into your next life. Or would you rather not be told?
Often it is common practice for a minister to visit people in hospital just before they pass over, but do you want this?
Do we ever stop to consider all of this?
Do we ever consider setting all of this in place in our prime years, so to speak, well before we come to the lead up to our passing over, or do we not consider or prepare for our death and leave it up to someone else?
Yes, there are many legal documents we can have in place, such as a will, life insurance and rights of attorney, but what about the finer details, the things that are very often overlooked in how you would like to prepare and pass over into your next cycle?
Is it something we don’t need to think about just now and we’ll get round to one of these days? But how do we know which one of these days we are going to pass over?
And what about family? If you have kids, if you and your partner die when they are young, have you thought about how you want them to live? Who is going to look after them, to truly support them to continue to grow up to be themselves? Is it going to be immediate family or is there someone else who you feel would support more with this?
What about money – where do you want your money to go – do you want it to be used to support one or two people or the whole of humanity?
And what about a funeral, do you really want one, and if so, how do you want it to be: a celebration of your life, a moving on to your next cycle? What songs do you want played, what do you want read? Or do you not want one, because you know you have already moved on?
All of these things we may take for granted or think we don’t have to think about that just now, but is that not just choosing a lack of responsibility?
Could it be that if we talked about death from an early age, made it part of our life conversations and the truth of why it is, an evolution, this would change everything: our relationship with death, dying, passing over, people, our purpose and life.
By Gyl Rae, 39, Teacher, Scotland
Related Links:
Joy of Ageing Esoterically – Taking Responsibility for My End of Life Decisions
Joy of Ageing Esoterically – Preparing for Dying
Nature teaches us that there is no ‘end’ and ‘beginning’ just a cycle of return.
Passing over is something that is looked forward to so when we return there is a deepening awareness of how we have lived this life especially when we have fully connected to our Souls.
I definitely feel that it’s a great thing to prepare for when I’m no longer here or incapable of making my own choices. I’ve got paperwork in place and video diaries already prepared to be viewed later on. I see it as an act of love because it takes out the guess work of making choices for me without me while possibly faced with feelings of grief and whatnot.
Leigh making a video is a great idea or if not a video then a voice recording of what you would want to happen. I spoke to a solicitor about the legal paperwork and I was told that if you are abroad and fall ill or incapable the legal document may not hold up because of the laws governing that country even if you carry the documents with you at all times. So this is something to be aware of.
Taking responsibility in our lives for what ever we do makes way for true evolution – evolution for ourselves and evolution for those who watch inspired around us.
We don’t stop when we die, it’s as simple as that. The fact that so many of us think that we do is testament to just how enmeshed in our own lies we are. We all know that we are the everlasting consciousness of God but right now we’re totally committed to pretending that we don’t know what happens to us when we die, either that or we are convinced that there’s nothing after death or alternatively we believe in some religious story about Heaven and Hell, either way we’ve made the whole rotting lot up.
With dying, including having a will, I have very much had the attitude of ‘I don’t care’ or ‘it doesn’t matter’ in the past. However, my learning now is the complete opposite and it does REALLY matter! It is a responsibility we all have not only in deeply caring for ourselves but also in deeply caring for our loved ones making it so much easier for them so they are not left with everything in a complete mess trying to sort things out. This website is very much worth checking out https://www.leavinggracefully.co.uk it has all the information we could possibly think of (and information that we probably never thought of!) that we need in order to have this care for ourselves and for our loved ones. Awesome blog and yes we don’t talk about dying? WHY!!! It happens to all of us so pretty important to talk about ✨
Life’s responsibility energetically is to deepen our understanding of who we actually are then passing-over, death and or dying are seen as a process of our ‘evolution’ and us returning to our Soul-full home in heaven. And as you have shared Gyl, temporal requirements take on a different view when we are living with the true understanding of who we are.
Surrounding to the bigger picture and what needs to be done and what needs to be taken care of is vital at times like theses.
Of course the passing of a loved one can feel absolutely devastating yet when we allow ourselves to feel the truth we know there is no end only another beginning.
Devastation is at best a reaction as passing-over is a returning to our soul-full origins and is a celebration that has temporally been turned upside down to make it all about this life and emotional reactions.
It would be awesome if we allowed ourselves to feel this truth more ✨
and in some ways it’s not even a beginning, it’s a continuation, a continuing on, one continuous thread, no beginning, no end and can never be broken.
When we use our eyes we see the person dying and when we feel the truth we understand the greater aspects of life and passing over so that there’s an understanding we will return and continue on the cycle of returning to our origin.
I can’t but help love the fact that life is but a cycle, we are born, we die, we are born we die.
Why should anyone fear getting old when we know it is just preparation for our next journey different scenery but with the same essence.
It is irresponsible to leave the decisions about passing over to others who may well feel it as a burden especially if there has been no discussion and they are not clear about any wishes. I have had various discussions but am yet to put anything in writing so reading this is a timely reminder thank you.
It is our responsibility to express what we want in our final years and after death and not the decision of others. Leaving decisions to be made by others is a lack of responsibility on our part of not wanting to deal with that which is being asked of us.
We do not know when we will pass over, so how important to get everything in place, organised, and clear for people, I love the detail you bring in with your suggestions.
Before my mother passed away, we talked about it. Not because I had connected to the wisdom of what is covered in this blog. But because both of us knew that she was ready and wanted to pass over and both of us knew there were some logistics that needed clarifying and taking care of. It was just a start, but it meant we could talk about things and plan together.
Reading the wise tips and insights offered in this blog, it is even clearer to me how we can be much more responsible for ourselves and also offer greater support to each other in preparation for this part of our life which, like it or not, every single one of us will sooner or later be facing.
“Could it be that if we talked about death from an early age, made it part of our life conversations and the truth of why it is, an evolution, this would change everything: our relationship with death, dying, passing over, people, our purpose and life.” A great point Gyl. Death is part of life and an inevitable part of life. An interesting radio prog is currently on BBC Radio 4 talking about death.
Before Passing-Over we can have a remembrance celebration of anyone’s life, while they are still with us and this is setting an absolutely True foundation for them to come back to in there next incarnation. As we re-learn to appreciate a person and what they bring in each incarnation as a celebration of life and not being focused on dying and the death process then this is creating the space for them to pass-over in the most Loving way possible for everyone involved. So it is much simpler to have tears of Joy and share Lovingly with all who attend so it is a True celebration of someone’s life.
And then we have the religious institutions that would have us believe in the death of a person so we do not get to celebrate their passing as we get caught in the emotional turmoil with the great feeling of loss of a so called loved one.
A beautiful idea Greg. Often people at funerals say they haven’t seen someone for x years. How much more enjoyable for those nearing their end to celebrate their life – so they can enjoy the moment too.
All of the practical aspects of being looked after when we are incapacitated in some way and become dependent on others for our care and the matters that need to be addressed ready for our passing are things we put off far too easily….they need to be part of our regular check ins with ourselves and any information passed on to the relevant parties. Yesterday I was talking to a woman that I have power of attorney over and we decided to meet on regular intervals with the other person elected as power of attorney to keep up to date with each other. All three of us can in this way deepen our relationship and understanding of each other There is no urgency in this situation but by meeting in this way we feel we will be much more prepared were any such urgency arise.
It is a new kind of standard, the one that includes death and dying as part of our preparations for life.
Inspiration to take care of the details, moment to moment – not just when something happens to us and we’re forced to, or leaving it until ‘another day’. We know how amazing it feels to take deep care of ourselves, and we can choose to bring this level of care and attention into all that we do.
The level of detail you are describing here about dying and death is something to take with us not only when we talk about our passing over but it feels to me we can bring more detail to every day life also as a preparation for the last period of our life on earth.
Reading this makes me realise how important it is to write a will and to honour myself until I pass over.
That is true and evolution : when we discuss that we are going to pass over and share what we truly want and how we want to prepare ourselves and our surrounding, than this opens up the conversation and evolution for all involved. Now that is remarkable and so needed. For we deserve the most loving passing over, so does our surrounding. So lets’ plan it!
Gyl I’ve been working with my wife on our wills and looking at how we take care of all our affairs since reading this blog and it turns a subject that is often not spoken about into something that feels deeply loving and supportive.
Gyl, I love that you bring this to our awareness in such a beautiful way. When we start to see death as the new beginning it actually is we start to feel divine love thats is constantly on offer with each passing.
It is true that one day you might be fit and vital and the next can be completely different. I hear of many who die in sudden circumstances such as those we see all over the news these days or even those from suicides (which most do not expect) or a sudden injury or accident. One of the ways most do not prepare well for such events is by taking the present for granted and hence not only not getting things in order should something happen such as insurances etc, but equally if not more importantly is the holding back of love that is there to express which most regret not expressing in full
Yes Joshua, while it is essential to get our finances and paperwork in order very often there is a holding back of the love for another however it is never to late to share and express how we truly feel about one another no matter what cycle we are in, in life.
Reading this makes dying so much more everyday and normal as it is about preparing for how we want the everyday things to be when we die.
I have to say – reading the level of detail you can go to when you are dying really makes me question the level of detail I live now on a day-to-day basis, I get the sense that so many more details could be taken care of on a much deeper level.
Speaking to someone the other day who’s close relative is in a hospice made me realise just how much a taboo subject death and dying is.
Having worked with dying people and their families I noticed that those with no belief generally take it harder then someone who believes in something more.
Personally knowing that we come back again and again helps me to see the beauty of the bigger picture and God’s immutable love.
I love the attention to detail presented in this article. If we had as much discussion about our passing over as we do about an imminent birth of a baby, life would be so different as our relationship with dying would not be so depressing.
You make some great points and ask some great questions here Gyl, it was only just recently that I have started taking all this seriously and got wills done etc. for it is totally irresponsible not to have all in order because we never know when it will be our time especially if we have children.
I can see how few people in their 30s and 40s make preparations for incapacity and death and how normal it is to do so when we are in our 50s, 60s and older as by then we know quite a few people of our own ages who have passed away or are incapacitated or had early onset dementia in their 40s.
When we become aware that our passing over may be imminent it offers an opportunity to prepare yourself and others for what is a natural cycle for each of us, however long this particular cycle.
It is so important to consider exactly how we wish to be taken care of as we pass over or after we die. Otherwise, we also leave behind grief and a lot of unanswered questions because we have avoided planning for the event. If we made planning for passing over a normal thing, then it leaves behind a responsibility to the rest of the family.
So many of us don’t and can’t plan for our own or our families deaths because to do so means admitting and discussing the fact that we’re going to die and although it’s inevitable we still can’t bring ourselves to admit it.
I plan to die at my desk at work living and loving to the full up to my last breath and then I will be back again soon to do it all again!!!
Every thing is important, and this life gives us the opportunity to state what our wishes are in every detail in regards to passing over. Being clear with our wants and needs, means that we take responsibility for how our last days will be lived, lessening the burden of family having to make possible painful decisions at such an emotional time, and us feeling powerless by the decisions family and medical staff have to make on our behalf by us not stating our wishes.
Perhaps it is very important to take care in all our affairs when we are passing over, just as in all aspects of our lives.
These are great questions, and they have a massive impact on others if we are not prepared to look at them prior to when we need to. Could it be that taking responsibility for our death and dying process is an equally big part of our responsibility to life and others?
I am struck by your question how do you want your family to live when you die? More than just about passing on possessions or money, do we consider how to support them or what do we role model to them by the quality in which we pass over.
Taking responsibility for how we die is another important opportunity to take responsibility for how we have lived.
Reading all the ways Gyl described that we may want to set ourselves up in the most supportive way during our dying phase made me wonder why not do these things for ourselves now? If these techniques of self-care can help us reconnect with our souls and bring more love into our lives, then certainly we could implement them immediately. This blog really inspired me to make some decisions around preparations for death that I had been avoiding.
I have recently observed a new grandchild in the family and it has opened an awareness that we can be so focused on how we are caring for a new born yet do we take the same level of care in how we pass on?
Rather than looking to pass over without dealing with our unresolved issues in life, we can pick up the responsibility of our own lives at any moment, for if we do not do it who will?
Yes, we all need to have conversation about death and passing over and make it part of the natural cycle of life.
We cherish and celebrate the cycle of birth – why not bring the same joy to death and passing so that we can forever remind one another that life is given to be celebrated, enjoy and live to the fullest.
Our relationship with death needs to completely change as we currently see it in such a dismal light and often a taboo to bring up in discussion or a shame. Yet in truth it is a cycle in our lives that will come to us all, one we cannot escape, where great true and loving support is needed and the quality of support we receive is only determined by what it is we ask for. For the quality in which we pass over is very deeply sacred and honouring this in every way is deeply honouring our selves to the last breath, which is what we all deserve.
I love this Gyl, you have made it so real. Some of the world has made it the normal to see death as a doom and gloom thing, when it truth it is but one part of a never ending cycle of evolution.
To have all the details sorted before we pass over makes dealing with everything so much simpler for others who are left to complete things.
Death is a very natural part of life, especially if you follow the opinion of about half the world that further lives are to follow.
The one thing you can be certain about in life is that we will all die – however death is not the end but a new beginning.
Yes, having that understanding transforms our outlook on life – every year then is important, even the last ones as they directly lead into the next life.
If we made death and dying part of our everyday conversation, there would be far less avoidance generally of these types of preparations. I think the reason we avoid making these decisions and even thinking about them is because we don’t want to face the responsibility of really feeling how our lives are going to change, and the important decisions of how we want our assets to be used after we die. Making these decisions asks us to look deeply at our values and relationships, which can be quite an uncomfortable process as it requires a deeper level of honesty and responsibility for the way we’ve been living and the things we’ve been investing in.
Death and Dying makes it about responsibility and the level of depth (imprint) we have chosen to leave behind personally and in all our relationships with people and our environment. Hence, it is a great awareness to start planning things around our death and passing over, so there are no surprises left. And so to take care and responsibility for our own life till the very end.
We can carry so much stuff around death and dying which we don’t acknowledge – being aware of this and starting to clock how we are truly feeling is first step to true healing as dealing with our death issues ultimately helps us in life.
I always find it is very important to do things when you feel the impulse to do it and not think ‘oh well, I still got lots of time to do it, I will do it later’, because in my experience often there is not a later moment and then you end up not being prepared even though you thought of it.
I can feel how deeply loving it is for each of us to consider all the questions you suggest. It supports the completion of a life-circle and lets us take responsibility and not hide what is part of every life.
There is so much to consider before we pass over that it’s surprising that we do not put more effort into sorting out our affairs in advance. My father was brilliant and left me clear instructions of who to contact and what a huge help it was also.
Thank you for addressing so many areas where we may forget to make our wishes known that are not on conventional lists of how to record what you would like to happen. I have felt overwhelmed by the amount of decisions but can feel how I allowed myself to feel there were so many decisions to make I did not know where to start but you have presented it simply as feeling into what would support in these situations which makes it much easier to relate to.
Just as I have committed to taking loving daily care of myself I can feel that I need to take the steps to make my wishes known so that if I ever become incapacitated those doing the caring will know my preferences. I was discussing this topic a few days ago and made a commitment to myself to set aside the time to make sure this gets done asap.
Having a guide book on all the things to be considered in the lead up to death is very useful. It is an area of life that simply cannot be ignored, and nor should it be.
Yes, the dying period brings much of our lives into sharp focus as time is running out.
We spend time on every detail of tropical cruises and far off holidays but ignore the fact that we will one day die. Forgetting this fact shows how we currently prefer to pretend we live just once and never come back. Thank you Gyl for highlighting this much neglected topic.
I know for myself when I am sick or in pain I like to support myself in a certain way, like having the room quiet, sitting or lying in the house where ever the sun is shining in, having water and herbal teas, no sudden noises or banging doors etc. so why wouldn’t I write down and discuss what I would like when my passing is imminent? I have thought before, well my husband and sons know so that will do, but what if anything happened to them at the same time. There is a beauty and honouring in having these conversations and putting our choices into place.
Gyl, I very much appreciate the summary that has been provided for preparing for death. The quality in preparation for death is utmost important to me. If I compromise with sleep, food, carers, etc. I feel it. As Gyl presents it’s not the end but preparing you for the next cycle as do each moments show you in life.
Yesterday I had an Esoteric back massage and I could feel a release from my mid back where I had been holding so much regret. I felt a huge weight be lifted of me as I let go of this regret that I had been holding onto for a very long time.
Reflecting on this I felt how important it is we open up the conversation around regret when dying, as it is so important we let go of regret before we pass. We need to turn the tides – Death needs to be a time of appreciation not regret.
It’s great to start talking about these things with family and friends. Then I know that my wishes will be taken into consideration after my passing. My mum died at 90 nearly ten years ago now and we had discussed what she would like after her passing. This made my life, as sole executor, infinitely easier too.
” Could it be that if we talked about death from an early age, made it part of our life conversations and the truth of why it is, an evolution, this would change everything: our relationship with death, dying, passing over, people, our purpose and life. ”
This would be great to talk and chat about the evolution involved in going from one stage to another and the true understanding and purpose of death.
Thank you Gyl, by shedding your light on dying, death and passing over. It is not a sacred, neither should it be used that way.. As it is a beautiful thing once we accept and allow ourselves to let go where we need to let go of. Meaning our ideals, beliefs around dying, death and passing over or even the emotions or people we can have ourselves attached to.
To understand more of the whole picture around this subject and start giving it space to talk about it with people and open up the conversation with your communities and wider.. There is no need to keep it a secret or hidden away, we all will pass over one day, and it can be any day.
I agree we need to look at everything before we pass over, bringing an order and simplicity to those that may have to look after us or our affairs afterwards, ‘ but what about the finer details, the things that are very often overlooked in how you would like to prepare and pass over into your next cycle?’
Another part to look at in detail before we die is what we will be leaving behind. Are my affairs in order, is there not too much ‘stuff’ that others then need to get rid of, is everything complete. I am learning now, only pretty much half way through my life to always complete things, to not gather material things that I do not need, to regularly clean up and declutter, to not carry things with me through life that are no longer needed or part of my evolution. Not only does this prepare me for a simple pass over but it is making my everyday life of a much higher quality.
I love the details Gyl, I have been looking at the legalities and medical part of it but I have not actually written down any of the finer details. To be honest my thought was ‘but my friends know exactly what is ok and what not’ but that is laying my responsibility with others.
This is absolutely brilliant and a well needed reminder for me to get my affairs in order. I don’t feel it is true for others to take care of my responsibilities in life so why would I think it was ok to burden others with my responsibilities when I die? Especially poignant for me as I know reincarnation is fact and my choices will follow me to my next life.
Death highlights the sense of completion, to have things in order with no loose ends and to live like this everyday. If I were to die tomorrow what is left undone? What have I not communicated that would make it easier on those left behind? From practicalities like lists of bank accounts, passwords for accessing information on the laptop, insurances and pensions to what will happen to my body and who needs to know. And what do I leave undone when I go to bed or leave the house for work ? Are things in order? have I done the washing up and swept the floor? What am I coming back to and how does it feel ?
Dying is a topic that most will shy away from because of the emotion and grief it brings up, but to be able to have open conversations like this at any age not only brings a deeper understanding for all but also takes the fear out of the equation and brings it back to responsibility and honesty for all. Thank you Gyl.
“Have you ever considered the responsibility we have in the lead up to our passing over, and when we pass over and die, or do we just consider it is something that will happen to us and we will be taken care of, or that we don’t have to think about just now?” – interesting questions Gyl, and i guess with the same thought about death/passing, we could also ask about living and life as in the responsibility we’re currently taking determining the responsibility we’ll be taking as passover occurs. The quality of present living, is the quality of future passing [over].
It makes sense to have all of the above communicated from early on, we do not know exactly what is ahead of us.
So true, it isn’t morbid at all and I believe brings a much deeper level of responsibility to our lives leaving fewer ‘unknowns’ for our family to guess.
I know I have read this before and I know I have said I will do something about it but I still haven’t and I realise just how irresponsible it is because I will be very ratty if I am unable to communicate but what I want to happen doesn’t happen!!! I won’t have anyone to be ratty with but myself but I suspect I will find a way to ensure everyone knows about it, therefore rather than hang my head in shame before I have even behaved badly I will make a list and get something written down!
I am in my late thirties and I have not stopped to consider this but it made me reflect on not just, what do I want in my dying days, but what do I want today and how can I invite that in now. What choices can I make each day to ensure that my life is full of the love that I so deeply cherish and want.
I’ve recently had this conversation with my elderly parents and their responses was open and understanding. A process that we all need to go through but whether we are willing to appreciate it is what often leaves us avoiding an important aspect of our life cycle.
A lot of people do not want to talk about dying in case they cause it to happen!! I have never been able to figure that one out given we are all going to die sometime! If we were to be more open about death and dying we would discover that it is a much more loving process than what our mind tries to tell us it is.
Making decisions about our passing and relaying this information to our families and loved ones, feels so important. “Do we ever stop to consider all of this?” I have no desire – because I have chosen to live in a certain Way this life – to have it all up-turned in my final days because I neglected to make my wishes known.
The quality of energy with which we pass over will determine the one and same quality of energy we then incarnate with. That is – how we ‘die’ directly influences how we are born. When we bring the understanding that life is an unending cycle of expression, then we naturally pay more attention to every step along the way.
It is so important to consider not only the quality in which we live but the quality in which we die.
Having honest conversations about what you would like in the lead up of your sudden passing prepares not only those around you but yourself for the inevitable, and thus makes it so much easier for everyone including yourself when it actually happens.
We absolutely need to be talking about this Gyl. Death is something that is a part of our lives, from the day we are born death is our reality. If we embraced the beauty of what passing over offers us all, we would be preparing for this cycle by focusing on the way we live now, focusing on completion, and being clear about how we want to be supported so when this cycle approaches we are free and ready to surrender without distractions, to the greater and deeper union to our Soul, and with God, that is offered.
Thank you Gyl, you have covered some great details here in terms of practical preparations. It’s definitely a responsible option to have this all taken care of well before the dying process, and it’s a self loving thing to do also.
What your words here Gyl make me realise is that we don’t stop, reflect and consider how we live everyday. We rush headlong into repeating the same patterns again and again, and then get surprised when our difficulties remain. We actually do have a choice to take a step back, to observe how life flows and to make changes that support us to grow. When we live ignoring this possibility, then it makes sense we avoid thinking about what will happen when we die too -for we are not even considering changing how we live.
I was clearing out a draw yesterday and for a moment I thought I will just leave some things in a box and deal with it another day, and then I stopped and thought of then that would be leaving it for someone else to sort if anything happened to me. I wasn’t being morbid or fearful, just appreciating that I am responsible for what I leave behind, whether it’s walking into another room or going into another life and it changed everything. Now I have an organized drawer that will feel lovely if anyone other than myself needed to open it.
I was just thinking about this a few moments before reading this article and so reading it is timely. I have made loose plans around this and haven’t updated it for a while. This article has supported more for me to see and detail a plan forward. Like anything you don’t want to leave it to the last minute or not do anything at all and to be honest it’s already a little voice inside me asking for this to be sorted out. Because we have so much care, you care about how things will be for others while at the same time it puts to bed that little voice that keeps talking away for you now.
I am learning the greater responsibility needed in our lives more and more as our care and appreciation increases so does our awareness and love. The honouring of the whole process of death dying and passing over comes with such a beautiful expansion and purpose with the level of care and attention to details never seen before to support us shown here so clearly not seen in the world before.
I love this level of responsibility. It speaks of total care for oneself and those around us in a considerate and loving way.
It supports us to understand that death is not just about the passing away of the physical body. All life is about cycles and we constantly transition in and out of them. Death and life are one and the same: it’s about how we prepare for and respond to the beginning and ending of cycles. Communication is key in life as it is in death. The questions you ask Gyl is fundamental to this: how we communicate to ourselves and each other about death. Are we talking about what is happening in our lives as it happens or do we bury our heads in the sand. To embrace life is to acknowledge and accept its constant ebb and flow and see this as natural. Whatever the situation, resistance, is a marker we’re afraid to move on to the next.
Too be honest I never thought about all this, and have had the documents sitting on my desk for a while now and haven’t done anything with them. But a friend of mine dying recently brought it all home to me how irresponsible I am being thinking that all I have to do is tell the family what I want to happen and that’s enough. My friend died and left no instructions on what they wanted to happen after their death and listening to their partner and the responsibility that has been placed on them, I felt my irresponsibility. So the paperwork is now on my list of things to do.
Gyl the more I read about passing over the more I am reminded to do something about this, to take care and to put in place something that will support me and my family. Its the responsible thing yet its something I’ve certainly avoided doing hoping that in some way matters will be taken care of themselves by others, but what a burden to leave for others.
We prepare extremely well for a holiday, researching hotels, the most convenient flight times, costs, weather, what to take, how we will get to the airport. We discuss with family where to go and what our preferences are so why don’t we do this when we prepare to die? I love what you share Gyl as bringing death into our everyday conversation normalises some thing that is inevitable for everyone, so why not accept and embrace what is coming rather than bury our heads in the sand?
Making preparations too for the end part of our lives is just belongs to our responsibility to life. As our life is just a continuation of cycles of life and death, every aspect of it is evenly important. Why then would we ignore that one part we do not like from the temporal life of view. Is there an investment to renounce?
I have had the opportunity lately to observe the stark contrast in the way people prepare for or avoid the preparations for their passing or potential illness in the future. One takes the initiate and responsibility for planning these things. The other takes more of a head in the sand approach, and appears to be unaware of the mess and confusion this will create for the people they love in the future. I would not say these people are innately selfish, as I do not believe anyone truly is that way. But what I have observed is a level of dishonesty with self, and unwillingness to let go of coping mechanisms or deal with things that may have hurt them in the past.
Could it be we are living in this bubble that keeps us from examining our true responsibility in life. So even when we look at a lot of detail the true understanding of our passing-over is kept from us because the truth of our existence and who we truly are would dissolve any fears we have around death.
Gyl, this article is so helpful, i had not considered these things and reading this i can feel how important they are, there are many details to take care of, rather than relying on others to take care of them, it is our responsibility and it feels important to have a choice in all of these things. Thank you for highlighting this.
These are great points to consider Gyl, how much do we want to avoid the topic of death and dying yet it is imminent in each of our lives and a natural process we go through. Our choice is how we prepare for this, the detail and care taken before hand, as you have shared.
I totally agree with the last paragraph in that by having these conversations I have felt it to be a great responsibility on my part to ensure everything is in place. I may only be 28 but I have a will and with the support of The Joy of Aging Esoterically website have started to look at advanced care directives. Because should something happen I have prepared in advance. The saying ‘it’s better to have it and not need it then to need it and not have it’ comes to mind.
Sure Leigh, you could better have thought about it than totally ignored, as ignoring taking responsibility for parts of your life is in truth irresponsible. Not wanting to take responsibility for your whole life, but only for the parts you like is only partial responsibility and to me factually does not exist.
There is so much more to passing over than finances and legal documents – what a huge opportunity we have to outline how we would like to be cared for and how we would like to not drop the quality of how we have been living.
Death in an inevitable part of life and we choose to ignore it as there is stigma, feeling of loss or void is associated. However, by accepting that it is reality and how would we like to make it part of our life brings in the responsibility and sense of reality. It often brings in discomfort due to our emotional attachments and reflects lack of commitment of life. An amazing blog that is asking us to consider responsibility and commitment to life! Thank you for sharing!
If we don’t have anything sorted for ourselves after we die we are leaving a lot of questions unanswered and potentially a lot of work and possibly difficulties and conflict for those we leave behind.
So true Elaine. And these details, right up until our death, reflect our commitment or lack of commitment to life.
Yes Elaine, it is not only upsetting for those we leave behind but also distressing for those who are not sure of what we would have wanted or if we put anything into place with money, funeral or cremation arrangements or caring for children.
These are the conversations we are so often keeping aside when it comes to life and death. It is not shared often or if so with such a somber approach. There is so much to share here about the responsibility in not only living but the process of dying and how this impacts on us all.
If we spend our life avoiding responsibility it’s no wonder we do the same when it comes to passing over. Irresponsibility is a pattern that needs to be broken.
Yes and yet how many would even consider that not preparing for our passing over is irresponsible?
The care and attention we would like to receive in passing over shared here is so beautiful to consider and the attention to detail for ourselves and others is so often not thought like this about and is amazing to feel and be prepared for.A very beautiful sharing to consider.
It’s actually amazing to be surrounded by people who are talking about this! I am 22 and considering all of these details at the moment which is almost unheard of!
So important to consider that our lives ripple out, without us actually being alive…any choices we make concerning life or death impact on the world.
Do I have my affairs in order? Am I taking responsibility to do so? A timely and gentle reminder so that the answer to both questions is yes. Thank you Gyl.
It is so important to take responsibility for our death just as much as life, I was listening to a radio program yesterday where a funeral director was saying he is seeing a lot more people wanting to celebrate the life of a person rather then to morn, he talked about the different fancy dress themes he has witnessed. I liked the one where he talked about Darth veda leading the hurst. He said when people have time to plan death many are choosing a more lighthearted affair.
I have been volunteering for a community based program that encourages everyone to take responsibility and to begin planning for their eventual death as well as the possibility of a serious and life threatening illness or disease. Out talking to people in the community one day I was absolutely surprised as to the number, including some with children who had no will, and no provisions for their children. There were a few that were organised and then there were those who almost ran away from us with the mention of death. It definitely became very obvious that this is one very important conversation we need to keep going; after all we are all going to pass from this life at some stage, so let’s take responsibility and not leave a mess for our families to clean up.
‘Is it something we don’t need to think about just now and we’ll get round to one of these days?’ This is exactly what I thought about death, that it didn’t matter and would literally want to run the other way or think it not important if a conversation was started. Now I know just how irresponsible it is although I still haven’t sorted out all my paperwork yet but is something I am planning to do very soon.
Thank you Gyl , its great to have this list of things to have in place which I will work on now so as to make my dying as loving as possible for me and my family and have my choices, decisions and wishes confirmed.
Prior to reading this I was looking up some coffins and to my surprise all my mother’s (since deceased) beliefs of how it’s morbid to look at coffins and to talk about death came flooding in, and yet when I question how do I feel about it all, I can say that it makes sense to prepare and not leave it to everyone else. Could it be that we try to ignore the death conversations because of these old beliefs passed down through the generations, and the fear of bringing death to the house by talking about it.
Would we leave our wealth to a loveless institution or an institution that harbours pedophiles and if we did would that be responsible? Could it also be possible that if we leave our wealth to alcohol and drug dependent children who only waste and squander this inheritance, that we would be held responsible? And if we did do any of this, then the logical question is, would we be at all responsible and what would be the out play of our decisions in our next life? Is it be possible that the riches we have worked so hard for in this life could receive the same blessing in our next life, because of what we have done in this life? So could it be that unlike the pharaohs who thought that they needed to have their riches buried with them for the after-life, the wealth of our next life has more to do with how responsibly we are in leaving our wealth this life? ‘Where do you want your money to go’? Could this be how we could accumulate good karma by supporting the unifying of ‘humanity’?
Such an important part of our lives and the claim who we are and what we want. This level of responsibility is something that for a long time as been ignored and people are expected to make arrangements with no true idea of what is really wanted from the person. This is something that is deeply ignored and it isn’t setting us up for the next life with the way we want to be taking our next steps.
What if we could talk as normally about death as about what we are getting up to on the weekend?
I was blown away at how considerate my Mum was when she passed… turns out she had been picking away at all those cupboards in the house for a year or two before, her filing was immaculate, and she walked us through her arrangements for when she passed. It was beautiful to feel the support from her even after she had passed. Incredible.
Thank you Gyl … these are all great things to be considering, and from someone so young as well …! ☺
How amazing to have all these details in place before you get sick, not only for our own benefit but for anyone who may be part of our care, i.e. family or friends. Having had to deal with much of my own parents belongings and wishes before and after they passed over gave me an opportunity to reflect on what it would be like for my own children in a similar situation. To not leave them with all of my ‘stuff’ feels like a great option.
We have a natural tendency to put-aside, ignore or bury issues we find difficult to deal with saying to ourselves that we will get round to it, but it’s always there as an underlying nag and a feeling of something being left incomplete. For many of us death is one of those issues…how much better it is to look at it, deal with it and prepare for it.
The one with the most toys wins? No, it just leaves more scraps for the vultures’ to fight over! Planning our departure is and the opportunity to travel as lightly as possible but why do still carry around stuff we don’t need before we go?
Often we do not want to go there but from my own experience with my father having something in place was so helpful and made my job so much easier. He made sure he had every telephone number, address, and contact details of all the people who had to be notified after his passing. Even though I have a will in place, now it does not seem enough – there is so much more to consider.
What I love about this blog is that just by reading it I am already expanding and deepening in my understanding of our responsibility in the livingness of our lives and ‘Death’ is very much a part of this.
It is so important reading this again Gyl, so many aspects to look at and responsibly take care of.
The more I read about death and dying in this context, have conversations with people and consider these things myself it makes the subject more about how we are living now rather than focusing on what will be after we leave.
To the detail – love it Gyl. It also brings up for me the responsibility we have if we are caring for someone as they are dying… to deeply honour them, assist them in a way that is entirely appropriate. When my Mum was passing she did not want to talk about God or what happens next, and that was absolutely respected. However, we played a daily game of how many times we could bring love into the conversation and the healing for both of us was immense.
I love how we can be empowered about the passing over of our own life because this makes the event less scary and perhaps prepares us for something very special.
Yes there is definitely a choice to where we end up for dying is not so pleasant. When we pass over with energetic integrity we have opened our-self to be on the elevator to heaven and this is truly evolutionary. The awareness of energetic integrity and responsibility should be number one lesson in life from our first day at school then dying would loose its stigma and also suicides would be understood and become non-existent.
When we simplify our lives we can’t help but simplify things for other people and this includes our dying and all that we leave behind.
Unfortunately the only preparation for death planning we ever seem to hear about in our lifetime is to buy life insurance, or funeral insurance. As a western society we really don’t want to speak about death, we certainly don’t want to plan for it. Perhaps it reminds us that in this life we cannot waste time watching TV, or getting drunk, that life it too short for such frivolity.
Taking responsibility now supports with absolute love, the world we are leaving and the one we will be re-entering.
Thank you Gyl for a timely article for me, as I am starting to get my affaires in order and fill out the necessary forms to do with my end of life, some of the things you have mentioned in your article I had not considered before. Now I can ponder more deeply.
Our irresponsibility around death has got to be related to our irresponsibility in our day to day lives, if we took care of all the little details in our day, took care of things in a way that supported those around us, then perhaps naturally we would prepare for our passing over in the same way.
I am witnessing my mother preparing for her death. It is very touching watching her attention to detail and her increasing level of responsibility. Through her care for herself I also feel taken care of as obviously her death will touch me in many ways. In her preparation I also feel prepared.
Until quite recently I had not even thought about the fact that there was a choice to be made in the areas mentioned in this blog, yet all of them are areas that I care about and would want my wishes and preferences to be honoured. How crazy is it that we make a big deal about putting money aside for pension and retirement, yet we fail to take care of and make provisions for such a sensitive time of our life, when we are passing over. We definitely need more open and honest conversations such as the one initiated here.
To consider death as an evolution rather than the end is a giant leap for many of us. Often as a scary topic of discussion we tend to ignore it and bypass talking it through. Yet, sharing demystifies it and opens up our acceptance of the inevitable… and with all things inevitable it doesn’t make sense to pretend it away or ignore what is going to happen.
‘All of these things we may take for granted or think we don’t have to think about that just now, but is that not just choosing a lack of responsibility?’ – it is never too soon to start the conversation and to put in place the details of what is important to us. The hidden blessing in this is what we learn about ourselves in the process and deepening relationship with ourselves. It is a process of stripping away all we are carrying that adds weight to our livingness.
This is such a needed topic for discussion Gyl, it asks us to be responsible for all our choices until the end and consider the level of care and integrity we take in such process as this sets the momentum we come back to this world in.
I love how you highlight how it is in commiting to this undeniable fact of death and dying in all its detail we take responsibility for our life. We are responsible for every part, and it is a deep care for ourselves to arrange everything and not leave it for others to decide.
When looked at in this way Gyl, passing over is simply another part of life that we are responsible for when the time comes for it to happen, and just as much as we can be prepared for the next day by our activities before going to bed at night, so too can we prepare for dying and what it will bring to us for our next cycle of life on earth.
I was with a friend and her family recently and I thought of this blog. She was aware that there was a lot of clutter in the house and what a big job it would be to clean up when she passed over. I became aware of the sense of obligation she felt to pass on ‘family items’ to the family, and how this held back the ability to just get rid of things. I could also feel how if a will is not clear, that this can allow issues to occur in the family that are left with the inheritance.
I love looking at the Cardboard coffins website. It is SO important to bring some perspective into this whole industry.They have one cardboard coffin called the Capsule… which is Basic and not suitable for viewing … that’s the one for me !
Ever playful Chris, even in death!
Putting in place plans and arrangements for your passing and what you would like to have happen in case you are unable to speak for yourself, is a truly responsible choice to make, as it would not be nice if you wanted to be cremated and you passed over without your will in place and family thought you might like to be buried. That wouldn’t do at all. Better to sort it all out beforehand and be clear with what you are wanting for yourself.
We are not taught to take this level of responsibity and when you stop and look at it like this to our very last breath I would want it to be the choices that make for myself and not what family think is what is best for me or what I would like. My father passed a few years ago and he had made a majority of his choices and it was a joy to send him off the way he wanted.
So important to take responsibility of ALL of our life , including passing over. Why leave the end the chance?
A beautiful sharing Gyl and an amazing way to see the responsibility we all have for our selves in both our life and the passing over of this the way we truly know and the honour of all that supports us. The care and love we receive and deserve and the attention to the details feels so lovely and something to treasure share and talk about. How honouring we can then as humanity be for each other as a whole and how different death and dying could become as a natural part of our cycles and rebirth and all this opens up.
Whilst we are immortal the one thing that is certain in life is that at some point our body will die. This is so obvious and we all know it so it is very strange that we don’t take more care and responsibility about it.
When I am gone it is so simple, put me in a box and take me to the crematorium with, no funeral and especially no wake. What I have lived will guarantee my next incarnation, and all the documents are already in place, because at 64 I am in my pass-over phase and I am assured of what is going to be there for me in my next incarnation.
The only reason that we don’t like to talk about death and dying is because it confronts us with the way that we are living and whether or not we are making the most out of life. The more responsibility we take for our lives the more we will not have a problem with talking about death and rebirth.
Great point – that makes a lot of sense.
Taking responsibility for our end of life is just as important as taking care of our affairs throughout our life. As it is currently such a taboo subject I imagine many do not prepare in the way they could… I love your checklist Gyl, a great guide for anyone wanting to consider such important decisions and directions for the way they’d like things to be taken care of.
Thank you Gyl… there is definitely a place for a new enterprise here… “Dying- There is so much to talk about” as a safe place for people to go to and discuss all the things you have raised.
I used to be in the arrogance of not choosing to think about my passing thinking, when I’m gone I won’t have to worry about that anyway, but now I can see it is actually my responsibility and a part of how I choose to live and be that encompasses all aspects of my life right to the very end. And it now feels amazing to be sorting out this part of my life in a way that feels joyful, respectful and natural, leaving no doubt as to the level of care that I wish for myself for my passing, to prepare me for what’s next. It feels super supportive and super loving, right to the end.
It is interesting to consider how different our life would be if we talked about the cycle of death from the beginning, how we plan things, how we leave things…..it would change a lot, particularly how responsible we are about it and how we prepare for it.
We treasure, celebrate and honour the birth of a new baby – why not do the same with our life, and end of life?
At the end of the day how we live will dictate how prepared we are for death.
From what I see with how much further down the road dying is all the time, pretty much no matter my age it’ always down the track it seems that there is something I’m avoiding in a way. When I look at this list these are all great questions and I have thought of all this before but just never actioned it. I would love to be this organised but writing it down in this comment box isn’t going to change the behaviour. Active steps will need to be taken by me to actually have what I felt reflected in my dying days. I use to think when older people said they didn’t feel old it must have been a joke they played with themselves as they always seem old but the older I get the more I understand the feeling they were conveying.
I love the picture above, showing a young mum considering how to write her will. How beautiful to care enough about yourself and your responsibilities, to make plans for your passing well in advance.
‘For example, if you have been living a very healthy gluten free, sugar free and dairy free diet’ do you want the medications they are giving you to contain sugar and this happens even though you can explain you are sugar free etc. Everything matters when you end up in a hospital situation, so be aware and prepare. It is possible to even have some one who you can trust taste the medications to see if they are full of sugar or any sort of sweetener.
Reading this blog and all the comments has been very inspiring. One thing I can see that is very important is leaving my home in order so that there is not a big clearing out job that needs to be done for those left behind. The bonus is if I do it now, I get to live in an environment free of clutter that is more spacious and supportive. I am already feeling how much stuff I have that I am unnecessarily holding onto.
i know how much I enjoy preparing my body gently for the day ahead- i find this so enjoyable and practical to incorporate into my day. I and finding new ways to self nurture, which support me deeply.
It makes sense to me, that when I die I will do everything I can to continue this self nurturing even further, keeping the level of love in my body as my absolute priority until i am ready to pass over, with all the love I have lived already to support me into the next life.
The true scale and detail we can bring to our lives both now and onwards to the ending phase is really very loving and makes all the difference and it is never to late to start and talking about, it opens the discussion and the expansion and love offered for all to feel is very beautiful and a real inspiration and reflection for us all .
I see this attention to detail as an amazing opportunity to have everyday conversations with those around us about death, dying, passing over and the responsibility we have to affect these aspects of life in our choices now.
Imagine if we really lived with the full acceptance of death and dying rather than ignoring the inevitable? I am sure our whole life would take on a fundamental shift as we evaluate what is important and what isn’t.
Thanks, Gyl. It is beautiful to feel the loving care that comes with all of these practical but important questions.
All of these question are well worth considering even if our death is not imminent but we just want to be responsible for making those decisions for ourselves and not leaving it to others to do the best for us. Lets face it for most families this is a time of emotional upset and wouldn’t it be so much easier if there was a plan to follow, and clear instructions of what we want for ourselves before, during and after our passing.
If we were going on holiday, to work, to school, to a meeting, the supermarket etc. we would prepare for it and sort out everything we might need or need to arrange beforehand; do we need our wallet? If we have kids, who will look after them while we’re at work? How will they get to school? Do we need anyone to drive us to the airport? How will we say goodbye before our trip or meeting?
If we consider all of these things just when attending a meeting, why don’t we address them in advance when it comes to passing over?
Yes. And accept the very natural event that passing over is and therefore not shy away from attending to all the practical details and preparation needed.
It says a lot when we make a big deal about entering this world and then stay silent and try to negate our exit from it; but one can’t happen without the other and the more we reawaken to the fact, the richer and more meaningful our life will be.
As I just did care for a funeral of a family member and the procedures that come with organising and conducting such an event, I got aware of the different emotions and processes mourners go through, how everyone is dealing in their very personal way with letting go of a beloved person. It is very beautiful and loving to support them in the way a funeral or memorial ceremony is held. And the same is true for the worldly matters that need to be taken care of afterwards by those in charge of the task. So it is really a very responsible, loving and far-seeing thing to prepare for one´s decease.
We have glamorized death we have made it something abnormal we have made it emotional and full of drama.
Death is natural and something that happens to us all, when we deeply connect there is no doubt that we will be coming back and that death is but a new beginning.
There is such a massive avoidance of even thinking or talking about death or dying despite the fact that it is inevitable. I see this in palliative care often where people absolutely know they have little time left yet still refuse to put their affairs in order or discuss what they would most like to happen with their care before death. Usually in the ‘hope’ that it will go away or a miracle will happen.This avoidance can be a huge frustration and complication for those caring for the dying person. It also creates a great sadness in loved ones as they can feel powerless to provide the kind support they so dearly want to.
Brilliant and clearly said Gyl.
Getting things in order before the moment arrives, offers a tranquility that is very supportive to not be attached to anything and let go free this life… and it’s also a way of expressing our love for who stays alive, supporting them to best manage the situation after our death.
Yes, definitely it’s worth to consider all of these questions when we are still aware and healthy.
The questions that you are asking here Gyl are hugely important because they allow us to become empowered about our passing over. We are all going to die so why not live in a way that supports that truth and prepare for it. That way we can be much more accepting of what is happening for us when the time comes.
I love the way this blog normalises the whole process, and points out the flashing neon sign saying “take care of your own matters!!”
It’s confronting and uncomfortable to read what you say Gyl – for of course we’d like like all these things in place. Each of us probably has a specific way we would like to be cared for, buried and set to rest. But have we acted in this? For so many, the answer is no. This so clearly represents the overriding attitude we have that hopes that someone else, like God or our parents will ‘take care of it’ someday. This is enough on its own but the most powerful thing is we don’t just have this attitude to our death but to living our life.
Having your affairs in order is a great way to look after those who are left behind. It is also a great way to stay organised throughout life.
It makes sense that we should take responsibility for every area of our lives, including our own death. What we don’t do someone else has to do. What a great gift to give our loved ones when we pass over if all our affairs are already taken care of.
Why is it that we don’t consider these things in our life? They say in life nothing is certain but death and taxes – and yet we still look at death as a negative – even in that saying it comes across as ‘something you can’t escape’ – what if we looked at how we are living as a continuous cycle – that we die only to come back and do it all again and the question is – in what quality do we want to live in this life to prepare us for the next life? What if we did look at how we wanted to die and spoke about it openly – would we all be so sad when someone passes? Knowing it is a natural part of life and that there is nothing left unsaid? In my experience the saddest part of someone dying is me having things I wish I had said to them – but what if we expressed in full with each other at each moment. It seems there is a huge opportunity for deepening our relationship with passing over.
When we approach life with every moment matters then it does make complete sense to care for ourselves and others as adults and as we pass over with the same commitment to caring, nurturing and supporting a new born baby. In many ways with such lived experiences present in the body the period of passing over is one to clean out all that has not worked in this life, deeply appreciate that which has and the quality of love we live and prepare for the healing and re-incarnation that will follow. Therefore I agree that the level of detail we have in our care and passing over period is so important.
Your list is a great start for what we need to plan and deal with because it is our responsibility! It could be called our pre-spring cleaning to get rid of all that is no longer required and preparing the garden for the new growth.
It simply doesn’t make sense that from young there is a bombardment of teachings given to children that make them unaware of what they really feel, for if this wasn’t the case we would grow up and there would be many Newtons, many Einsteins, many Da Vinci’s, many Galileio’s, Many Copernicus’ etc… Would we then be able to consider the true cyclical nature of life and not be so affected by the dogma which has us believe there is only a single “lifetime” – it may seem out there to the mainstream, thinking that Reincarnation is a reality but it will eventually be seen for how responsibly it makes us live, and why not embrace that?
An article to deeply ponder on how we want things to be when we are about to die. It inspires me to reflect equally on the care with how I live now as this influences how I will die.
Pretending that we are not going to pass from this life is like denying that the sun will rise today – a very futile pretense, but so many people live like this. For some death is just not talked about – ever – and when they die everyone else is left to tidy up the ‘mess’ that they leave behind. Now that to me is being very irresponsible. Conversely to take the time to organise what is to happen if we become terminally ill or die suddenly is being very responsible and will benefit us and those around us; after all it is inevitable that we will pass over so let’s choose what we want to happen and not leave it to friends or family who will be going through the process of grieving and may have no idea of what we want.
Our responsibility to be all that we can be never ends, as we are always expressing and reflecting.
I like what you say about making our death and the ending of that cycle part of our ‘life conversations’ to often we neglect this part of our life. I have been talking and planning how we go about how we prepare for death…I am 42…and have children, it feels responsible.
One thing is guaranteed in life and that is we will pass-over and to not plan for this I feel is irresponsible so what you have shared Gyl is amazing.
For More on Passing Over go to;
http://www.unimedliving.com/search?keyword=PASSING+OVER
I have been inspired by students of The Way of The Livingness to get my will and wishes in order so can have everything in place so when I do get to the point of passing whenever that is to be everyone will know what I want and it will be very clear how it is all to happen.
Thanks Gyl I had definitely not thought of all those little details you talk about here for when I am on my deathbed or after I pass and it is true that we have a responsibility both to ourselves and to others to bring clarity and honour what we feel we would really want to support us in our final days, knowing that it sets us up for our next life.
The level of detail you share here on passing over and our care ,diet, visitors and how we are looked after, cared for, dressed and who visits us is an amazing example of what we can put in place and the responsibility for this we can take by talking about it with family and friends and even in our wills and is a real inspiration to follow and do thank you Gyl.
Thank you Gyl for sharing what you have consider about dying and death. Before my dad died I asked him all about how he wants to die and – people around me freaked out because of this – it was and I am sure it still is for some people a no go to speak honestly about dying but my experience was that my father liked to talk about it. With knowing how he wants to die it was so much easier for me to let him go and also a joy to support him.
I’ve read a few blogs on this subject recently. I am currently living away from home on a work contract. I return in five weeks and am so going to get on top of all of this. Apart from the massively important practical elements I can also see what a joyful, purposeful and evolutionary process it will be that I am very sure will inspire some powerful conversations and revelations with family members, my wife, kids and friends. It’s going to be cool. I’m on it. Thanks.
I do love how practical this blog is. Preparations needn’t be morose or sad but great opportunities to express the appreciation we have for one another and be closer rather than avoid the person because of the subject is just asking to be discussed.
I agree that talking openly and honestly about death from an early age would transform our relationship with it.
Agreed Rachel talking about passing over is so important and I also feel that it brings a difference in the way we interact within society when we are transparent about such things.
For more on transparency go to;
http://www.unimedliving.com/search?keyword=TRANSPARENCY
Thanks for sharing that, Jane. Yes how lovely to have everything simply laid out with clear instruction well before we pass over.
I love this Gyl. I am a person who takes care of the details of life but I have not as yet taken care of the details of my passing over. In my early twenties I wrote a will before I went overseas but it was a basic thing. I now have assets and a child and have not taken the responsible steps to document the details of what I would like when I pass over. I keep thinking about it but have not yet taken the step. This blog is a great reminder of why it is needed.
This is such a good question, Gyl – do you want [your money] to be used to support one or two people or the whole of humanity? It is worth deeply considering what your money could help out with.
I love the practicality of this blog, and how it highlights the level of responsibility we have with regards to getting our affairs in order – after reading this there has been many discussions within our household of putting our affairs into order but so far little action. Time to start putting pen to paper.
This blog offers a fresh way of looking at death, taking responsibility for an event we will all experience. This blog made me realise that I may not have the capacity to share how I feel and what I want at the end of my life, and it may be hard for those around me to make decisions on my behalf. The most loving thing I can do is to lay it out, simply and clearly so there is no misunderstanding.
People often don’t want to deal with this detail because it means that they have to accept and face that this life will come to an end, and that they have a part in how that happens rather than just letting it happen and being on the receiving end of it.
Supporting people through death isn’t just about making them comfortable, it is also about supporting them to prepare for their next life, and that can be for any of us at any age
This made me a bit sad reading this as what came to me is all the people in the world that are either ill, dying or being cared for and that they probably do not have this level of love in how they have claimed in how they want to be cared for, have lived or are being cared for. What it came down to for me is how much do we love ourselves … how much are we willing to love ourselves .. all the way, everyday including how we would like to pass from the life we have lived.
Imagine if we lived each day with these questions: Have I been true to myself? Have I said what I really felt? Have I deeply cared for myself? Have I loved people deeply?
Super important to set up our palliative care plan,. We are responsible for our living ness to the very end.
Not only do we largely not consider and prepare for how we want to die, but we also do not really consider in what quality do we want to live our lives. We are so busy trying to get somewhere, achieve something or just get through life that we don’t consider that the quality that we conduct ourselves in affects others and what we will live in the future.
Reading blogs like yours Gyl has supported me to broach the subject with my parents in a very light hearted, open and ordinary way. Consequently it’s supporting us all to chat, laugh and begin to prepare for the inevitable and hence is bringing us closer together. There is still a long way to go in terms of the preparation you speak of, but we have made a start and hence are supporting us all to embrace the process with as much love and understanding as we can.
If we all lived our life with the responsibility of knowing we were going to come back again, and how we live this life determines how we will return…so if I die angry and embittered and given up then this will be part of my make up and how I will be when I return, then it makes sense to have my ‘house in order’ and not leave things behind that will hinder how I come back. It is no different to going out for the day and leaving my home in a mess untidy and dirty it will not magically put itself in order it will be there when I return, I can choose to ignore it or do something about it or if left long enough someone else may have the job of clearing up after me. I wonder how many leave this life in a mess too ill or given up to care, leaving it for others to sort out.
Taking care of death seems to become a lot easier when we live and express and receive love in our life – there then seems to be far less need to push death aside, it is simply part of life.
This blog shows to me how we can live with respect and dignity for ourselves throughout life – right up until the end.
Not until you have had to clean up after someone has passed, house clearing, do you get exposed to things they ignored and or hoarded secretly. You see a side of them that was never shown for whatever reason. This is even more of a reason to put your life in order, Is there a part of your life you have kept hidden, are you sure you can take it with you? Why take rubbish with you? Would you take yesterday’s newspaper with you?
I know this one. I found many ‘skeletons’ in the cupboards of someone close to me who passed. Conversations that I would genuinely have loved to have had before they died – if only so that they didn’t have to ‘take them with them’. The goal in passing is to leave attached to as little of life as possible.
It makes so much sense to prepare our death and to ensure all is well looked after. After all, we always ensure our house or flat is locked up with lights and gas turned off before we leave – why not put the same level of care into our bodies?
I have thought about my own mortality, and immortality. It has always helped to keep things in perspective.
I love what you share in this blog Gyl, as to me it is important to let people know how you live now and to be open and not be hesitated to share that as this will make the foundation for how you will be taken care of at the end of this life too. Besides I can feel the importance of putting things on paper, not as an official will as that will mostly only be read after you have died as stated earlier in a comment by Debra Douglas, but as a living document I for instance can stick on the fridge or the noticeboard so everybody can see and I can return to too to elaborate on my way of living and how I will be taken care of if I myself for instance am not able to express that for myself anymore during the last days of my life.
Over the last couple of years, I have seen a totally different way of passing over which is so very beautiful and super supportive for everyone involved in the process, and being shown that it is part of our evolution and living way on this planet and so needs as much provision and deep care put into it as any other part of our day to day life. This is then, a true honouring of, and appreciation of our lives lived without the hoo ha, just sorting what is needed right till the end. Very beautiful, as this way, the experience is full of love.
Yes, it is quite amazing how much the awareness of those who are near death increases.
I can look back at my life and recall so many times when I have arrived at a moment without much care, consideration or planning beforehand, then I have felt annoyed and resentful when I found myself not experiencing what I wanted. How can I expect to experience quality of care when I have not built a personal relationship with this quality to start with? It seems silly looking at it on hindsight. Thank you for calling us to a greater level of responsibility and understanding about passing over – a significant aspect of our lives.
That is so true Golnaz, I too have been cross that I have not considered how I would like an event to go when it was too late. This blog is a great call to action to lay foundations for that not to happen at a time that lays a foundation for what we are coming back to or the last experience we have here. No matter what happens after our death, surely experiencing deep love as we pass is the simplest plan of all.
Great blog Gyl, with each question comes another one, how are we living now, are we living with purpose or just coasting along? A call to take responsibility right now in all the aspects you mention.
Death is just a another part of our cycle of life and when this is understood then so will be the focus taken away from the funeral and being sad or grieving.
For more on grief go to;
http://www.unimedliving.com/search?keyword=GRIEF
I enjoy the amount of things being considered here, it’s stunning and so illuminating how everything matters to the nth degree.
I love how dying can be such a love infused experience for all concerned, I have known of so many people who have died and bought love both to themselves and all others in the process.
How money is left in wills often causes rifts in families as those left behind feel the division was in some way unfair and they either squabble for years or cease communication all together. I truly appreciate my mother teaching me never to argue about money, and always talking with us about her finances so that we always knew exactly where we were and when she died it was simple to administer her estate.
This is great. The best thing to do, I feel, is for all of these conversations to be had in real, with everyone concerned before the passing. Beside anything else any potentially ‘tricky’ conversation like this is always going to offer amazing opportunities for evolution. And how great is that – that our imminent passing inspires evolution in those we leave behind. Living truth that death is in fact a re-birth.
For years I have been aware of how many personal items I keep and what would I do with them in the event of my death but have never put things down on paper. I have the usual financial Will but nothing regarding my intentions for everything else. Why is it that we so readily expect our family or the state to take care of all our bits and pieces when we are gone.
I know that as a child i was scared of people dying, that it was the end. Perhaps its for that reason that as we grow up we don’t speak about dying. In doing so we do ourselves a real injustice and we don’t value the responsibility and evolution that passing over offers.
Why do we put more effort into going away for a long weekend and ignore completely our biggest trip that we are not coming back from? What about the cat and the dog? Have we stopped the paper delivery, and that shed full of stuff we are not going to need? Who is going to do all of that stuff! Or, do we just slide away and let someone else inherit by default these unresolved items? Are we truly leaving all of these unresolved issues… or carrying them with us secretly to our next destination?
Gyl, your blog has prompted me to write my own will as I have been putting it off, but I can see it is an important part of my whole livingness and also setting my intention for the next time around which is paramount.
The three options given for how we deal with the lead up to our death; take responsibility, expect someone else to do it or bury your head in the sand are very similar to the broad categories of how we deal with life. Some take responsibility for their words, thoughts and actions and to the best of their ability the energy that is at their foundation. Some expect others to do it for them, such as expecting the love of their life to make everything magically better or for medicine to fix them and make up for all their lifestyle choices. Others hope by not dealing with any challenges, they will just go away. This is the person who wont go and see a doctor even though their body is clearly sick, or the person who refuses to deal with relationship issues, then is surprised when their partner walks out. The parallels of how we live to how we die are very clear. It is also very clear we have choices in all stages of our life and the one to take responsibility is there for us all.
The mess that we leave others when we die is such a great reminder that our responsibility to this planet and everyone here doesn’t end when we die, in fact our responsibility goes on well past the moment we pass over, and just because we aren’t here to see it or deal with it doesn’t mean the mess we have created is no longer ours.
An important way to take responsibility is to take care of our elderly, giving them proper choices which includes informing them in full of the consequences of their choices, the alternatives and the opportunities. Good advice in this area is very valuable.
Gyl, your blog has inspired a conversation between me and a close friend, both of us in our 50s so not about to die of old age, but aware that at any time something could happen. I’m inspired to document important information and make sure it is known to those close to me, should anything happen. It feels irresponsible and naive not to this now.
Reading the questions that are raised here seems simple and normal yet so few of us consider them let alone see them as important for this stage of life. However they are and ones I will consider for myself and address in a converstaion with my parents as they approach the end of their lives. Thank you Gyl for such practical questioning.
This is a very needed conversation to be having within our families and the wider community.
How true it is that we give more emphasis to parts of our lives rather than the entirety of our one life in preparation and commitment… and delay considering passing over until it is upon us in one way or another and forces us to see.
Considerations about our death tend to get left to our older years and it is sound advice to put these wishes in place much earlier because we never know when a serious illness could strike us, or an accident…
That is true – getting terminally ill is extremely stressful in most cases and one can be quite impaired at that stage and making decisions and planning can be very challenging.
Thank you for the reminder to put things into place much earlier – very important to remember, especially when one is older.
I wonder why we don’t talk about death more? Is it because it is the one thing we will definitely all experience? Does what you believe about life after death make a difference to how you prepare for your death? So many questions! The one thing I do know is that we should consider it and talk about it to alleviate the pain for those left behind. If we know what we want we should share that because those left behind will have enough to work through without having to second guess what you might have wanted.
So mucb to consider in this process. we are here to offer ourselves in service to whole of humanity and when we are on the way out of this life, we do not get any down time, our service to humanity in whatever way we are physically capable of is incredibly important and remains until our last breath.
Really interesting and thought provoking article, do we have our affairs in order and do we take responsibility through to the very end…
Exactly – it all boils down to our self-responsibility – which is something that ought to be part of our lives including preparation for leaving this life and entering the next …
When we are in a relationship and both older, it may not be clear who will die first, but plans need to be in place for the house lived in by the remaining partner, to ensure he/she has a home for the rest of their life.
Thank you for the detail you have provided here. There is much to consider in preparation for death including selecting who you want to nominate to deal with your estate matters once you die.
I have found that my life changed a lot once my understanding of my death became part of it. Everything is in perspective and considering the long term in any venture became much more natural.
It seems as though many people only see the financial side of things as important but from reading this it is clear that there is so much more to consider.
Thank you Gyl for pointing out we have a responsibility in preparing ourselves for our last years and our passing over. We cannot expect others to know how we want to be treated and how we want our funeral be organised. My mother had everything well prepared and this made the time after her death about family being together instead of making all kind of decisions about her funeral etc.
My mother died very suddenly when I was 30 and I remember how traumatic it was dealing with the shock and grief, whilst also trying to decide on all the details for her funeral/celebration of her life. It was something that had never been discussed and it was completely unanticipated, I wanted to honour her wishes, without explicitly knowing what they were. Remembering this, I can feel how incredibly supportive it would be, for me and my family, for me to write a very detailed plan for the lead up to my passing over and indeed, for the celebration of my life in the event that I die very suddenly. I really appreciate the questions that you’re raising here, Gyl, on a subject that we are not very keen to talk about.
Alison, this is beautiful.
I agree Alison, having the conversation would support the family so much. This is part of our responsibility in life and expression of love to our families. Who knows if we will be incapacitated and will not be able to communicate? We really need to consider this before we need to in order to support ourselves and those who find themselves responsible for making those decisions on our behalf.
Dealing with passing over, dying, is the same as dealing with life and every day living when the two phases, just like night and day form one day, are considered as ‘one-whole’. And just as there are countless days and nights to the years, there are countless lives lived, and to be future lived too.
It really is part of our commitment to life that we take responsibility for looking after the practical side of our passing over and the quality in which we prepare for it.
When it comes to death and dying… there are many details to take care of. To leave this life is not about ditching everything and doing a runner, it is about leaving things in a way that is honouring and respectful of self and all those around. After all, everything that we do affects everyone around us in one way or another whether we like this or not.
We’re to come back to the knowing that we live in cycles. Birth and death – 1 lifetime is such a cycle. I’ve not been told this and am recently feeling that my relationship with death is still quite emotional. By being honest about this I feel that I’m reconnecting to my inner knowing that life doesn’t end when the body ceases.
I guess we won´t take care of our last days when we are not taking care of our life now and vice versa. So how much do we like to take care of ourselves? That´s a very personal assessment.
Thank you for the two links at the end of this article, which took me to reflect on my responsibility with what I leave behind – “How our assets are used after we are gone is a decision which deserves our full consideration as it will have on-going effects for both the deceased and those whom they leave behind.”
It’s interesting how there are beliefs systems, when one dies their assets go to their children or family members, but that needs to be debased, as it really is a choice where it should going as it has an ongoing effect. Therefore one needs to really take into consideration will it be used for true love and purpose or not.
We don’t know how or when we’re going to die, so it makes a lot of sense to be prepared for whatever is to come!
Even if one doesn’t care about what happens to them after they die, it is very supportive to be organised for those who have to tends to your affairs.
Why do we call it passing-over, could it be that the spirit is leaving the body and passing to the next level of existence? If so then we need to be responsible for what we do before we pass-over so the emotional energy at funerals is nullified as they help no one. Emotions only feed the spirit and have nothing to do with our evolution, unless we have nominated them seen it for the falseness it is so any hold they have on us can be released. What we are talking about here is being responsible in life so when we reincarnate our spirit has no longer a load of emotions that we relate to so we can readily evolve in our next life.
For more on reincarnation go to;
http://www.unimedliving.com/search?keyword=REINCARNATION
The first question around death may be “does it matter how we die?”. If there is nothing after death it may not matter that much but if that is not the end, it may matter enormously, especially if we come back with the karma and the impressions of how we died.
In the past few years there has been an increase in the number of people who have been completing their Advance Care Plans/directives. This is a great thing as it allows people to begin the conversation with their family/friends.
Death is a fact of life, it happens to all of us, but for some reason we don’t like to talk about it. There is often an emotional reaction, perhaps because someone close to us recently died, or is about to, or we don’t like to think of our own death if we see it as final. Reincarnation has certainly given me a different purpose to my life, in preparing for my next one, not just trying to get to Heaven as opposed to burning in Hell. I like the fact that we are presented with lessons over and over until we, in our own time, get to learn whatever we are here to learn.
I completely agree, Carmel, knowing that I will come back for another life on this earth after I die, takes away any fear of dying for me. Knowing that how I am living energetically as I end this life, combined with my choices throughout my life, is what sets me up for how I start my next life, I understand and appreciate the enormity of the choices I am free to make and will continue to make right up until my death. Every choice matters, not just to me, but for the rest of humanity also. This does not feel like an onerous responsibility, rather a gift. It’s very empowering to know the truth of how things are, to know that by living in connection with my soul, I am sharing the fullness of my own unique essence, I am being all of who I am, to the best of my ability. That is a very beautiful and joy-full way to live and die and live again …..
If we chose to talk about death, dying, passing over from an early age, we would remove the stigma and fear, replacing it with joy through perspective and understanding.
What I realize from this beautiful blog is that death doesn’t ‘just’ happen. It is – as with everything in life – something to take responsibility for. I had tears in my eyes when I felt the love that came through the questions being asked. There’s a lot I am to consider as well as a lot that I’d love to talk about with my mum and dad. Thank you Gyl for writing so clear on this topic.
Unfortunately many people end up in nursing homes and having worked in many nursing homes I can say that there is no way that the finer details of a person’s wishes would be respected, in fact in many of the homes that I worked in I feel it’s true to say that the very basics of decency and respect were not upheld. When people are looked after by staff that struggle to self care then this greatly compromises the level and quality of care that is able to be offered. There is no judgement in this, as I have been in a position many times where I have been the staff member who has not had the self care in my body to then pass onto another.
“How do you lie in bed – would you like to be put in a position that truly supports you and your body to heal, sleep and deeply rest?” little things like this are quite amazing to consider, how important I find allowing my body to deeply rest so at point of passing over how great a level of care I can offer myself.
The finer details you put before us Gyl are so important, details that we don’t consider until we get there but make all the difference when we do. Birth and death are important journeys we make between realms, why not put the same love, care and attention into preparing for our passing over as we do the arrival of a new baby.
As we evolve why have we lost the celebration of death and passing over?
Gyl, I feel this is really true, ‘Could it be that if we talked about death from an early age, made it part of our life conversations and the truth of why it is, an evolution, this would change everything: our relationship with death, dying, passing over’, I love how practical death and dying would then be and that we would not give up at the end of our life and instead stay as healthy as we can and look after and honour ourselves until we pass over, thus preparing for our next life.
Thank you for the inspiration about the joy, learning and expansion of attention to detail.
When we understand that dying and passing over is not the end but the beginning of another life cycle, it would perhaps inspire us to take more responsibility with how we would prepare ourselves for our next cycle of life through all our choices.
I agree. Especially if we understand that how we end the current cycle has a strong influence on how we start the next cycle.
I love the fact that this is bringing the focus back to the choices of the person who is coming to the end of this lifetime and making these the primary factor in the planning.
I have moved house quite a bit in the past few years and each time have ditched quite a lot of clutter. However, this blog inspires me to clear out more and more, so that not only does my house feel lighter, but my heart feels lighter for knowing that whoever has to clear my home post death, will not be burdened by the things I have failed to take responsibility for in this world.
Yes absolutely Gyl. I for one, have completely avoided talking about my passing and have stubbornly stuck to the justification of the fact that I am in my 30’s. But I hear you when you say that perhaps we should be talking about this as a normal subject just like sport is discussed for example, because it’s an unavoidable fact of life, so why on earth do we treat it with so much fear?
Yes Gyl, you are so right. We are never at the mercy and so should our plans be made before, and to take care of ourselves and our enviroment before we pass over
Isn’t it interesting that looking at death and the details of passing over actually asks us to reflect on our life and the way we are living it. Are we in fact taking that same care and attention to detail in our life? Or is life just happening to us and therefore so will death just happen to us?
I was inspired by your blog Gyl and I have just set up a meeting with my solicitor to update my will, plus setting up documents to explain my wishes through the dying process. It feels great to get this in motion!
It is so interesting how we want to avoid the one thing that we absolutely know is going to happen to us, that being that we are going to die/pass over. It is as if we can somehow avoid it if we simply do not mention it. That very idea that we somehow can get out of life alive shows how far away from ourselves and our true nature we have become. We have to understand that there is nothing wrong with dying/passing over and it is certainly not a failure. It is a natural part of life that simply needs to be understood and given the dignity and respect it deserves.
These are great questions you ask us Gyl – thank you.
Imagine not eating gluten,diary and wheat for 40 years and just because you have not written a clear end of life document you get fed this before you die. Imagine how that would impact your body and lower your vibration .
Great blog. It is much easier to care for someone when they know what they want.
How we prepare for death can only be a reflection of how we approach life, for they are one and the same.
It makes so much sense why we would want to continue with a certain kind of care and preparation for when we pass over as it is still a part of our life that we have lived up until that time, and so may need some extra attention and loving care so that we can pass over in a beautifully supported and assisted way, fully prepared for the next life.
Being young I have not generally thought about my death or not readily accepted it in full- I guess because I’m the back of my mind I know there is ‘more time’ so to speak, but if I approach life from s different understanding that it is ”1 life ” than it makes it absolutely clear life is about quality.
It’s fundamental that women and men prepare for the birth of life, so it makes sense we should see the ending of the cycle as equally important and prepare just the same.
It makes sense to embrace the dying process as much as birth and life in general, because it is just part of an unending cycle that we return to again and again.
It is great to look over these questions you pose, Gyl, and highlight the areas of our lives that we are not bringing loving care to, for ourselves and each other.
Many of the questions you ask become the responsibility of friends and family when a person loses mental capacity or reaches the dying stage, which can last for months even years. Sometimes family and friends do not have the information needed to best support their loved one, so its important to have an advance plan in place as a point of reference. If we find ourselves in a residential care setting at the end of our lives, what is essential is having a team of supporters attending to our care, communicating, guiding and working with care staff. In other words we can’t leave this responsibility to those who work in care homes. The degree of detail needed to ensure comfort and true care is best provided by a community of loving friends and family.
Gyl, your points and post should not only be part of will making, but also in early education too – for the quality we live life in being the quality we pass in too, which I feel would make for a much more responsible approach and way to living from a young age into adult years.
In life we prepare for things – the rubbish bins go out on time, we make sure we have food and toilet paper, we service the car…and so on. Death is a life event that we know one day will happen. Yet by not preparing it’s as though we are pretending it won’t happen and by doing so we leave behind a life to be sorted out which others then have to pick up. We wouldn’t do that in life, why do we do it in death?
Many people shy away from talking about death and dying due to a superstitious fear that talking about it will bring it on, invite it in. If we bury our head in the sand about death then we are sure as eggs burying our heads in the sand about life too.
Among many other aspects it is a great blessing for our survivors if we have taken care of things. The amount of work and difficulty can otherwise be quite overwhelming.
It’s the little decisions and choices that we make that make all the difference. Therefore it is no different when preparing to pass over. Taking care of the detail ensures that we take care of ourselves, in this case until the very end.
Even these 3 simple questions highlight the detail we have the right to request. We would do so now, so why not when we are dying? These may seem very basic, but are in fact fundamental to supporting the quality of each day.
“Do you want people visiting you all day, or do you want your own time and space and set up a time for people to visit that best supports you, when you feel to? How do you lie in bed – would you like to be put in a position that truly supports you and your body to heal, sleep and deeply rest?
What clothes do you want to wear?”
I felt a lot of emotion at my mothers funeral with many grieving that she had gone and observed that any type of emotional attachment serves only a wayward spirit accepting the energetic outpouring from any emotions.
The picture in this blog is exquisite, there is something very eternal and beholding about it and I am not surprised that a lot of people have made comments on it.
Is how we live now going to reflective of how we do prepare for our own passing? If we have an attitude of ‘that’ll do’ without the precision of what is actually needed in any given moment, then surely this will reflect in how prepared we are for our own death.
I am so appreciative of the awareness that is building within me and around me in regard to choices and quality of choices in life. It makes sense to make our choices now with clarity and connection and true understanding of what it is to live an evolutionary life. Thank you Gyl for continuing the discussion.
How graceful our departure could be if we really choose to plan carefully for it, like we do a holiday or party. Why not make our funeral the last best party we can throw?
The level of detail you list here is exquisite – lighting, bed position, visitors, food, all of these things matter when you are dying as the sensitivity to your surroundings increases. Stillness, harmony, healing.
It is a super important point you make in regards to taking responsibility and knowing now who will look after your kids if you were to die suddenly. If this is not in place they may end up with relatives/ friends who will not support them to develop into their true selves.
Yup. Not avoiding responsibility simply because we are unwilling to accept the natural cycle of passing over. It is amazing to ‘go there’, have the conversations and then put in place in very practical terms what needs to happen if we were to pass over.
Food for thought (action) here Gyl. I must confess to putting these considerations aside. Now I have turned 70 years I do know that this is the tine for me to truly consider what I would like the end of my life this time around to be like, and also take the pressure off my family.
Gyl your photo, its red hues, reveal the amazingness and potential that is in passing over.
It is our responsibility and a very loving and supportive choice to prepare for our passing beforehand. And in talking about it in a natural way with family and others, it can take away all of the emotion attached to this inevitable time of our lives.
When you feel how much love and care can be brought to preparing for the end of life process, it makes you wonder why it is not the norm and how we could let someone die with anything less than this level of honouring.
I have known for some time that I do not take enough care with myself and with activities I engage in. And what I can feel is that there is a great level of care required actually every day in our every day activities that will ensure that we pass over in a quality that ensures what is next. Bringing care consistently is key for me.
The ambivalence we have towards death is a product of us pretending we won’t die. Living with knowing that death is a part of life, but even more than this, a part of the cycle of life that will repeat, changes how we approach and prepare for death.
Well said, death not just being part of life but the cycle of life – this changes the whole picture and understanding of what death is all about, actually freeing us from the dooming finitude.
Would be interesting to change the subject of preparing for dying and death from trying to avoid thinking about it, postponing it or only covering the necessary practicalities to a dedicated well considered caring and loving preparation in the knowing of what quality we would like to be supported in and by for what we are going to experience and move onwards to.
I am blessed you could say, and really appreciate that I have a friend who is getting closer to passing over, actually come to think of it I have quite a few as that is where we are all heading eventually! But one dear friend in particular, is so inspiring as she is taking care of the details, she is leading the way in preparing and not leaving a mess or anything for someone else to pick up. With this level of responsibility, and her acceptance of the fact that she is dying, she is preparing for her next life and letting go of this one gracefully.
Our neglect at not asking these questions is harmful for both us and family and friends around us. As a society we are often far to fearful and regretful to plan how we want our passing yet when we face this inevitable fact and prepare for it and do so in a loving way everyone benefits.
We often think about the big stuff especially when it comes to a funeral but give little attention to the small things. But as they say God is in the detail and this is indeed where the most Love and care is felt.
If you have a ‘bugger it’ attitude to life then you sure as heck are gonna have a ‘bugger it’ attitude to death!
Talking about any aspect of death brings up an incredible amount of discomfort in most people. In fact there are so many topics that most people are physically unable to discuss due to intense discomfort. We love, as a society to ‘keep it light’, sport, gossip, TV, chit chat, anything really other than the things that really matter. We avoid discomfort like the proverbial plague and rush to self medicate at the merest hint of a whiff of discomfort. We stuff a bit of food in our mouths as soon as there is a hint of emotion, take a swig of beer the moment there is a lull in the conversation, in fact life really is a series of numbing moments, designed to ensure that we all stay very medicated.
If we were taught the truth about reincarnation from an early age this would be a given and a natural thing we did without even thinking about it.
It’s not only about preparing for death – it’s about how we live every day.
‘All of these things we may take for granted or think we don’t have to think about that just now, but is that not just choosing a lack of responsibility?’ This is interesting in that we often put this off until we are in our older years rather than it being a consideration through our earlier life too so that we are prepared to make the choices required and with plans in place so that we can focus on the important things at this stage of life.
Very relevant questions I must admit I have never given much thought but feel important to address. And it is not just for that ‘final’ scenario but about the way we wanna live, the quality and purpose we want our life to be about; it is a choice, a matter of awareness and a dedication towards what counts for us most. It is not before we ask these questions that we fully will be able to act accordingly on the answers. The alternative is let life happen without marking it the way we want life to be.
When we asked for the recipe of a meal we make, everything is precise and fully outlined, step by step. When it comes to our funeral arrangements… it’s a card on the fridge next to the pizza delivery place and the Indian takeaway!
Eight years ago I wrote my will, stating where my money was going when I die.
I told both of my children at the time so they were very clear that I was willing to support them now to buy a house if they wanted to take responsibility for their lives, but that I would not be leaving them money when I die. I did this so they new exactly what was happening and no surprises when I died. As well, they knew they had to be responsible for there own lives and not be waiting around till I died knowing they would inherit money.
Having cleared up possessions from two family deaths I was determined to keep my possessions simple, but it is amazing what we amass – souvenirs that have an emotional attachment, memories we are not willing to let go of. How many of us have ‘stuff’ in store because we can’t quite let go? I have let go of a lot every time I have moved house, but somehow keep amassing those ‘little comforts’. The question ‘Why do I need this?’ is a good one to ask.
You have triggered some thing very important to be pondered on Gyl. I have recently started to look at my ‘Advanced Care Directive’ just incase I find myself in a position where I am not able to make decisions for myself. Your questions posed here also play an essential part in the time I am passing over and need to be written about.
I cleaned out my parents home of 40 years after their death, which was a mammoth task. Apart from it being a lot of work, some of it very physical, what I remember most about the whole process was that I didn’t feel it was my place to be throwing away so much of what was there. I don’t mean this in a resentful way at all, rather, I felt ‘awkward’ as though it was in some way ‘dis-honouring’ for me to be throwing out things that meant something to my parents. Yet, maybe I was also feeling the disregard in terms of how much ‘stuff’ there was in the house, that had just been allowed to accumulate over the years. I now appreciate how different it would be for us all to take responsibility before we die, to leave this life the same way that we came in, encumbered with physical things and all our affairs in order. What a blessing and a gorgeous reflection for all those we leave behind. Death doesn’t need to be the agonising, emotionally draining experience I know it has been for me in the past.
This is certainly all to consider in my ‘prime years’ because if I leave it all to when I am older then my experience is of those who are old, that they do not have the energy to sort it all out. It’s like leaving the dirty dishes to pile up and even the thought of cleaning them is exhausting. But is it responsible to leave them to some one else? No. And wouldn’t it be lovely to have things all tidied up so when it is time to die nothing is outstanding. But why not keep things in order as one lives? That’s what I’ve been inspired to do. Tidy as I go along.
You are quite right. It is an important aspect of having order in our life.
Thank you for starting such an important conversation, Gyl. Whilst I have been very open with my immediate family about what I would like when I die, I hadn’t thought about the days, weeks, months leading up to my death when perhaps I may be bed bound. This, in itself is an interesting observation, is it because I am assuming I will die suddenly in my sleep, or is it avoidance. Given my choice to deeply nurture and take care of myself now, in my life, why would this change in the lead up to my death. I will be wanting to continue to deepen all of my relationships, particularly the relationship with myself, which will be greatly supported by having things the way I would like them to be from the food, to the bedding, lighting, music etc. Love the prompt to consider all the details, thank you.
I definitely have areas to attend to that I have put off. It is good to think about the finer details as you share here Gyl,
I know when I will be going into passing-over phase in my life and will inform friends and family that my passing will happen even if not immediate. Then they can come and feel and share in the joy that the end of this phase of life brings when life is lived with the responsibility so all I do before I go to the next plain of existence can be seen for what it looks and feels like. I am under no illusion I will probably pass in my sleep fit and well and looking forward to returning to this level of existence with the wisdom I have obtained this life.
For more on responsibility go to;
http://www.unimedliving.com/search?keyword=RESPONSIBILITY
Fantastic article Gyl, very poignant and much needed questions that we are never to young to ask ourselves.
This is a much needed conversation… Love the details you bring Gyl, which exposes the importance of having these conversations.
What you present here Gyl is a very real perception around death and dying. As a society we avoid looking at it, let alone talking about it, even though it is inevitable for each and every one of us. Although we know it will happen, we ignore the fact until suddenly its happened and we’re gone – with a big mess left behind for others to clean up. Doesn’t this just reek of total irresponsibility?? We wouldn’t tolerate such irresponsibility from our children so why do we indulge it as adults?
I’ve come back to this again today – “For example, if you have been living a very healthy gluten free, sugar free and dairy free diet, do you want to be given chocolate biscuits, cake, pasta and coffee to eat and drink?” – no thanks! Why are people in nursing homes and hospitals given these kinds of foods when they have no nutritional value and are hard on the body to digest, and create reactions and symptoms in many people. So perhaps having personal plans that specify that these foods are not supportive to people whose bodies are winding down is a start, and in the longer term, this may become more of a normal scenario.
I actually have thought about this often but never actioned anything from there. I mean I have most legal things in place but nothing specific about me in particular. I have spoken to those close to me but it isn’t recorded all in one place what my wishes are. I can already see how this will lead to confusion and interruption of what I was saying. I think this is a great practice and a great article on the detail I would love to see laid out in front of me. Taking care of how you want things to be so nothing is left to chance or interference. It actually makes it super simple for those close to you and supports them endlessly because there is nothing to decide nothing for them to agree over, they only need follow your legally detailed instructions.
I do feel you have a point here in your approach Ray, by speaking to people about what you would like rather than writing things down. Of course some things need to be put into written form for legal purposes but the best way truly is to have people around you in your life that understand you deeply and know how to feel you and care for you, if that set up is there then they will be totally fit to make the right choices for us once we are in the state of pass over.
From experience with people close to me who have died, it is definitely not common to prepare for the process of passing over or the lead up to it.
I have considered writing a will many times but I have found the whole legal side of it quite daunting. Your blog reminds me to at least make a start by talking to those close to me about my wishes.
Death is part of life and becomes something quite different if constant reincarnation is the norm. If we only have one life, death is frightening and brutal, if it is one of many, then it is part of a continuous flow.
Thank you Gyl feeling inspired to attend to details and get my house in order particularly with respect to paperwork especially as I am conscious that I still have some of my father’s papers to deal with more than 2 years after his passing.
Gyl I am sure many start to consider some of these things you mention, but most would dare voice or express them. Others like myself would assume that care and love would be offered, but in that there is no responsibility for myself in how I ensure this is the case. It all comes down to expression and having a deeply loving will to live in full to my last breath, to not give up and say thats it as my last breath is but the one before my next when I re-incarnate.
Great questions Gyl, and these decisions not only support us to feel secure, complete and assured in the later stages of life but it also hugely supports our families, friends and/or executors of our will to enjoy the simplicity of sorting out our affairs once we have passed.
Just reading this makes me feel the need to set up a nursing home with a little broader view of what life is about. That it’s not about gorging in sweets just because you are old and might think why not I’m going to pass over eventually anyways so why not treat myself… Not taking into account that we reincarnate is a huge miss out. What if that was the focus when we were getting older, to prepare for our next life knowing that what I end with will just continue when I reincarnate.
That’s exactly it – “Not taking into account that we reincarnate is a huge miss out.” – If everyone took this into account and acted accordingly then the way we live and how we prepare for our passing over what be totally different as we had finally understood that responsibility cannot be delegated and will be with us always.
Our passing over is one of the only things we can have complete control over (other than taxes) so, why do we ignore it or leave to someone else to sort out? Your list should be everyone’s checklist and revisited annually and updated as times and needs require. It should be part of our living will being based on our living well and determined to leave that way.
Well for a start I definitely do not want a minister or priest anywhere near me on my death bed and I certainly don’t want loads of money spent on a fancy wooden coffin that is only going to be used once and then burnt. I could go on about my wishes when the time is near but to be honest I haven’t done anything formal and I don’t even know if my will is up to date, so thanks for writing this Gyl, a great reminder that our responsibility never, ever ends.
Thank you for a thought provoking blog Gyl. There is still much I have not considered and having read your sharing has opened a door for this to clarify for me.
Yes me too Roslyn, and it is an eye opener when I read the points I never thought about -much to get on with here for me too.
I was struck recently waiting for appointments in a Breast Clinic where the atmosphere was very tense, with many women waiting for information about the status of their health and mortality. There were some beautiful volunteers escorting people to various appointments, however there was little talk amongst the women in the waiting room. What was on offer was sugary cakes and slices and stimulating drinks such as coffee and tea. I wonder if it would be more supportive to provide less stimulating foods and allow for conversations to support women with their shock and what they are dealing with.
It is most definitely our responsibility to make sure those around us do exactly as we wish when we have passed over, no different to our responsibility of making sure the house is in order for those who next enter.
What a difference this would make to the entire process of dying for all concerned. A clear understanding of what the person requires in their final months or days, and an opportunity to support family and friends to come to terms with the process as well as contribute in what ever capacity required, so that the dying process becomes a community experience that will in turn support others to plan and prepare for their own passing over.
Preparation is a loving discipline and allows us the ease in which to live, knowing we have tended to each and every detail of our living years, the impact of our passing on others and taking responsibility for our whole life until our last breath… let alone the life we will thereafter go on to live upon our return.
Thank you Gyl for a wonderful blog on how there are so many details to look into and ponder on in preparation for the inevitable. The last moments, the very last few details are super important – for everything matters. All these details are about deeply respecting and caring and loving ourselves till the very last breath, the very last moment – but this level of care and respect and love is not something that suddenly surfaces when we realise we will die, it is something that is built over a life time – it is never too late to begin this, and it is something that builds from wherever we start, and it is always there to support us and prepare us for the next chapter. And in instigating this growth, we get to realise that the growth is already done within, it is simply about allowing it out.
Life is in effect and inevitably for all of us, a preparation for death. In each step along the way, we choose the quality that we will go in.
Making death a part of life makes sense – because it is a big part of life and one that we overlook or somewhat pretend is not going to happen.
The problem is that we live lives of such irresponsibility that we daren’t face the moment when that irresponsibility comes knocking at our door. That feels to me like the true reason that these types of conversations are so rarely had.
I really love that the person who wrote this is 39 years old. I find that very inspiring.
I have already given consideration to some of the points you raise Gyl, but your blog has reminded me of many aspects that are often over looked but which are very important to ensure I will be supported in a manner that is truly honouring of me at that time.
“Do we ever stop to consider all of this?” – It’s true, I have considered some of it but not all what has been listed here. Food for thought and many things can be put into place with due considerations much earlier than just before passing over. There is no right way to go about this or a good way or THE way; for me it is feeling deeply into what I feel is important for when my time has come to leave, and how I can support myself as well as those supporting me by open conversation and preparation according to what will work for a smooth and empowering passage for all.
Absolutely Gyl a much needed conversation, great you have started the talk. There is so much for us to ponder on and take responsibility for those little things. Its something my father always says to plan, something he has already done. Being organised and not leaving the responsibility to anyone else.
How we prepare for death is a reflection of how we live our whole life I suppose. I can relate to a feeling of just living with my eyes closed to the results of how I am living instead of fully seeing what is the result of my choices and preparing myself in my day to day life. Preparing for death is a similar thing, do we want to accept we are going to die and thus prepare carefully for it?
Firstly I just want to say the photo at the start of this blog is stunning! Death, dying and passing over still very much seem like a taboo subject, one not to talk about .. but it should be. I can put my hand up to this as in the past when members of my family have mentioned when they die and I haven’t wanted to talk about it. But this is neither respectful or responsible. Having such conversations with our loved ones is exactly where we can claim what we would like for ourselves and leaves no ‘unknown’ of people not knowing what to do when such a time comes.
The finer details are indeed what will truly matter and make all the difference when we are coming towards the end of our lives .
As I read this blog it all seems to come back to the questions. Do we care enough for ourselves and other to prepare for our death in this detail. i know when you are mourning it is much easier and simple to respect and obey someones wishes than to negotiate with how many family members and close friends to do what you all think is best.
“That we are on our way out, so what does it matter anyway?” – this pretty much sums up how much of our society views getting old and dying. A sense of giving up because life is over.
Yes, Gyl, it’s a bit like going away on holiday without considering how we will leave everything at home and what we need to pack to take with us. It is important to be fully prepared for any new experience or journey.
So true, and how awful does it feel if we leave on holiday and return to a cluttered not properly cared for place …no different in living and dying and returning.
This is a very free-ing way of looking at it. There is such a stigma around dying and yet it is coming to us all. But what is so special about this blog is the support that it is also offering to those who are left behind.
I would guess that people are far more likely to look towards saving for their pension years (and even that, not likely in people’s minds before a certain age), but what you raise here Gyl is far more crucial than what we’re lead to believe about getting older, retirement, the nest egg, and all those other commonly associated words. The quality and preparations we make for our inevitable passing over is an investment that will be truly enriching, and ongoingly valuable.
We don’t bring enough emphasis to how we would like to pass over so it is great to read the detail that you go into Gyl and offer things that would really support us but are not necessarily considered. Humanity is living longer and quite often by the time we reach pass over we are too frail or sick to consider how we would like our last days to be.
I love this Gyl. The love that you suggest giving to ourselves at the end of our lives feels gorgeous. I’m sure it is something that not many of us have given much thought. You have laid a new ground for pondering.
I agree there is a much greater responsibility needed when preparing for passing over. From what I’ve observed it never seemed right to me that people die and then they leave all their mess for other people to clear up – finances, belongings, all this undealt with stuff that is a massive strain on their relatives. It definitely inspires me to take care of stuff now, and keep it tight so that I hopefully never put that imposition on anyone.
Many people fear death and refuse to talk about it until it hits them directly. I present retirement planning courses and in addition to health and well-being, we explore financial health and estate planning in the event of illness or death. Many admit they have not made formal provisions for themselves or families (a common belief is that doing so precipitates death!). Consequently few have written wills or have a Power of Attorney in place.. The course presents the importance of doing this sooner than later for all the reasons given by Gyl and in particular to plan for all eventualities including, loss of mental capacity. I did this for myself many years ago having experienced the distress, complexity and lengthy process involved when a relative loses mental capacity and dies intestate.
Kehinde, this is wonderful to hear that you are supporting many people build awareness in this way. It may sound strange, but I feel that our preparation for death through wills, life insurances etc is all about strengthening our commitment to life and actually valuing our life rather than actually precipitating death as some people may perceive it (like you mentioned).
I have known many and seen many people who have retired. Most have had the comment that they were so busy they don’t know in the past how they had time to work! But time and tide do catch up with us if the motion is just that, without purpose. We act as if we are on the last dip of the roller coaster slowing down to the end of the ride and just wait for it all to end. But, life is a merry-go-round that never stops, it just starts again, but you can’t take anything with you. So you need to plan for the next rotation. Because all that stuff we have collected was just stuff we felt we needed, but in truth, all we have ever needed was our self.
Awesome photo Gyl, the colour of the sky is so magnificent
it’s interesting how many of us leave thing to other people to sort out.
Yes and we can then also ask ourselves where in life do we do this too, as all is only a reflection …
I agree it is super important and it is our responsibility to plan and document every detail as to how we want to pass over. Otherwise we are abdicating our responsibility to others who cannot possible know what we want if it has not been spoken about and/or written down.
Inspiring read Gyl, think you’ve covered off every aspect in preparing for passover from a logistic and practical perspective, as well as to the human touch level – in how we prepare the moment, we prepare for the/our future. What i get from this, are the words – ‘we choose’ [everything] – and that to make that the integral part of the final days/weeks/months of our living life, and the ease of this reflective of how much in our ‘healthier days’ we have or have not managed this consistency of choosing what’s best for us. It is perhaps exactly this that can frustrate many people who are dying, with others taking control thinking they know what’s best for them, when in truth all it takes is – communication and expression of one’s interests governed by one’s livingness.
I had recently updated my will and set up an Enduring Power of Attorney but now I have also started a document that contains all my personal information, like bank accounts, insurance providers, organisations I belong to, people to be contacted, and the list goes on. It is amazing that when you start to write down everything that is a part of your life how much there actually is that your family don’t know about and would not know how to go about finding the information. It is also a document that needs updating as time goes by as things do change.; now to save it in a place where my executors can find it. This process that I held back from for so long actually feels so freeing and I am now enjoying it knowing that I am taking full responsibility, not only for my life but my death, and after, as well.
Another aspect of the responsibility before we die is how we live, knowing that will affect our next life. Reincarnation was taken out of Western education but that does not mean it doesn’t exist, it just means that many of us are unaware of it or deliberately deny it, especially as we do not remember our past lives. That is a skill also forgotten.
Very practical and pragmatic advice Gyl on a subject rarely considered until it is often too late.
If this conversation was just a normal part of living then it wouldn’t be a big deal. There are so many events that may happen in life that we can plan for, but this is one that will happen one day – we don’t have a choice in that, but we do have a choice in how we live and how we want to be cared for as we prepare to pass over.
I had not considered the finer details prior to reading this but now see what a wonderful opportunity this is to gently chat about this with friends and family. It’s a topic that once mentioned is no longer taboo, so those who may have otherwise not have wanted to trouble or disturb those close to them may feel more able to broach the topic in the detail they want and not discount their wishes. Thank you Gyl.
Recently I spent a brief period in hospital and realised the significance of planning the kind of subtle things mentioned in this blog, such as the type of food I knew my body needed, and the quiet and still place that supported my healing. What is highlighted here is very wise.
There is a joy in preparing for passing over, in knowing that everything is in place and in order. I feel it is the uncertainty of not dealing with our preparation that brings us the anxiety and fear of dying.
Feeling a settlement in my body as I feel death as a friend and have done so for many years and now thanks to the presentations by Serge Benhayon I understand so much about how the ramifications of how I live impact my next life so I can bring a forever unfolding responsibility to all I do.
Like all life forms on Earth, we are born into a cycle of life (expression) that will one day come to a completion so that the next cycle can begin. Therefore, our ‘exit’ (what we call ‘death’ or ‘passing over’) is just as important as our ‘entry’ (birth, incarnation). And just as a parent would make the necessary preparations for the birth of their baby, so too does this baby become the adult that one day must face the demise of their physical form and thus make the necessary preparations for their departure from it. When viewed in this light it makes perfect sense to address every detail at both the physical and energetic level, as Gyl presents for us here, in order that our passage be smooth and completely honouring of the love that we are and the life we have lived.
Beautifully said, Liane, in full honouring of the love we are and will return to.
I agree Liane and the way you have said it makes complete sense, yet it is often something we forget about or leave. So what imprint are we leaving when we die as ultimately we come back to what we have left so it makes sense to take care of every detail. Plus it makes it a lot easier on those around us if we have all our affairs in order.
What you have laid out in this article is very eye opening and super inspiring. This will kick start many people, young and old, this will change lives and deaths to be a known, organized and respected time. It washes away stigmas and taboos and paves a clear path that supports all. When you consider birth and death to be a cycle of life, why not have love on both ends? These days we put a lot of effort into our birth plans and how and what we want our labour to look like but when it comes to death it is almost like nobody wants to talk about it in case something bad might happen. What you offer in this blog is going to change passing over as we know it, what a brilliant contribution to society!
Some great questions Gyl, it is amazing how many people do not go into this much detail about something so important. By making these decisions and discussing them with our relatives means that even when we are not capable of looking after ourselves on a functional basis, we still get to choose right up until the end.
I have recently been looking at the paperwork, and deciding who to have as a power of attorney and how I would like to be taken care of. It is something I have thought of for 3 years now, since my last health scare and visit to the hospital…. but time passes and I still haven’t done anything about it. It really shows my lack of care for myself in many ways as I am good at meeting other deadlines, but for me.. I leave it at the bottom of the list. Not loving at all. Must do something about this today. Thanks for the reminder!
Great blog Gyl. I have been talking about this subject quite a lot lately, since I also wrote a blog about my friend passing over. I was very inspired by her level of responsibility and how she didn’t leave anything behind for others to pick up and have to deal with, and how she knew what she wanted and what would support her and wasn’t afraid to ask for it. We all have that same opportunity if we want it, we don’t have to end up in hospital and be fed what should not be called food! The choice is ours, we just have to make it.
Great questions Gyl and ones that I will refer back to as I update my will. What you ask of us is responsibility. We can prepare for our passing over and in addition leave behind an imprint that will not be a burden for others.
I agree that we need to talk about death and dying from an early age. Perhaps it is the fear of it that stops us fully accepting death as part of life, or may be that once accepted we would have to be more responsible and live differently?
With a true understanding of the significance of dying we all will begin to wish to plan this stage of life with far greater care and attention.
If planned well in the way you suggest Gyl, what an awesome event dying could be. Feeling into what would truly support us through that inevitable passage has so many knock on effects of understanding what supports when we are alive. Why wait until we are dying to let go of past hurts and resentments. Why not jettison them early so we make more time to love, live, laugh and thoroughly enjoy life, so that we can focus on dying with a joyful heart.
Thank you Gyl for presenting how death can actually be an evolving topic. So often we see it as the end – but what if we didn’t look at it this way – and that it is part of a very big cycle. We might not want to plan for death, but it is part of life – and actually by planning for it – it shows a level of responsibility someone is willing to go to – taking away the emotions.
“Have you ever considered the responsibility we have in the lead up to our passing over, and when we pass over and die, or do we just consider it is something that will happen to us and we will be taken care of, or that we don’t have to think about just now? That we are on our way out, so what does it matter anyway?”
This is such a great question Gyl. It seems that when someone is dying, the emphasis is on keeping them alive at all costs, without due consideration for what that person really needs to support them through their dying process and beyond. To take responsibility for our own life up until the very end is so deeply honouring of ourselves and inspiring for those around us. Its certainly something I feel to take care of and put in place for when the time comes.
Yes, Gyl. If we dearly care for ourselves and each other, these kinds of questions naturally come up in preparation for any major transition or process of change in our lives.
A very pertinent and clear presentation Gyl, on the detail we can go to to ensure the end of our lives are lived with as much integrity as possible. I canalso feel that this content needs to be shared and discussed with loved ones – whether it is they who will be passing over ‘next’, or ourselves. They are a very important part in preparing for the next cycle – our own or others.
To be honest it feels quite weird that death and passing over is never really talked about in a natural way – why are we so clever at avoiding this topic eventhough it should be just as natural as birth and life itself?
Yes, never thought about it but it is weird as it is a natural part of life. I think it is because many people are living irresponsible without wanting to see the end result of their choices up until the end. Especially when you see death as the end like there it stops this is a logical way of thinking but if we bring in reincarnation it does not make sense as we are going to come back to what we left…
The details of things such as music we’d like to have played at our funeral are important and make life a lot easier for grieving relatives. Funerals can be devastatingly emotional or a simple celebration of a life. These kinds of preparation are essential.
I really love this blog Gyl. Planning for our end of this life is important and why wouldn’t we want it to be in a quality that we have been living up to that point even though we may not be able to do things for ourselves anymore.
There’s definitely a view of ‘why talk about death if I’m in my 20s/30s/40/etc’ – I mean, im there. All I’ve ever said was don’t take up real estate putting me in the ground! Your questions are good food for thought with regard to what we want one day.
It makes sense that we should care for the details at the end of our life just as much as we care for the details throughout our life in other ways. We often just assume we will be taken care of, but this is simply absolving responsibility and there is never a guarantee. It is well worth taking the time now to care for ourselves later.
Very important things to consider Gyl. We like to avoid death and all things related until we absolutely have to, but there is so much we can do to support and transform this age and time of our lives by embracing rather than avoiding it.
Gyl I simply love the activity that you have brought to traditionally what is such a ‘dead’ topic. As you have so beautifully demonstrated, we need to bring an ‘aliveness’ to this topic.
Love this Alexis – a bit of humour goes a long way too – both in living and dying…
Gyl, this feels like a really important question to ask; ‘Have you ever considered or thought about the level of detail in which you would like to be taken care of and pass over?’ I had not considered this and now that I do I can feel how vital all of the things that you have listed are, such as do I want a funeral and how do I want this to be, I would like this to be celebration of my life and of me not the way I have observed funerals to be and so rather than leave it up to someone else to decide how the end of my life and my passing will be it feels important for me to take responsibility for all of the details. Great that you have written about this Gyl, it is almost seen as a taboo subject and something to not talk about until we have to, so I love how lightly and easily you have written about this and the very important questions you have posed.
De-cluttering my home is an ongoing process but what you have exposed for me is that there are ideals and beliefs around passing over that still need to be addressed and let go of so that everything is clear and simple for anyone who has to deal with caring for me or my estate. Accepting the responsibility I have to make this process as smooth as possible supports both me and those around me.
Gyl I considered I had thought about many things to do with passing over but your list and few examples have shown me there are far more than I have considered. I really appreciate you writing this as it again asks us to look to every detail of life with a real depth of love and care for us and all around us.
Thank you Gyl for this wake up call to the level of responsibility around my passing over that I have not been willing to go to. I have had conversations making my wishes around some aspects clear but there were many of the questions that you pose which I had not even considered.
Things we put value into something, one man’s treasure is another’s junk. I know I have a shed full of stuff I keep just in case the need arises. It took a lifetime to collect these treasures, and I am now slowly relinquishing them. Why hang onto something that only takes up space? We can throw away the items but keep the memory’s for they don’t take up any space at all and is the only things we can dispose of ourselves… when we go.
This blog has me thinking – it is tempting to believe that you just end up at the end of your life, with your ‘just deserts’. In a way that is true, but beautiful results do not arrive on a plate, just by you sitting back, swanning about and being ‘nice’ every day. They come from considering life, considering the future, questioning what it is we feel, then simply acting on that so what is needed, is supported to be. Rather than being a victim of life and get depressed about death, your words Gyl remind me to embrace everything fully, so why not provide support for our passing over, just as we would for a holiday or party? It all can be a celebration of you and of me.
I’m acutely aware of how we live, prepares us for death. When we embrace all that life offers and we are more likely to embrace all of death. Preparing for death is an expression of self love. By not leaving our affairs to chance or in the hands of people who do know know or understand us, we take responsibility for putting our own house in order, while we can. The process of dying is easier, when things are not being done to us and we actively (within capacity) lead or share the responsibility with our supporters. It can be an empowering time.
Someone I know rang me yesterday to say he just survived a heart attack, in the right place, at the right time and attended to within 20 minutes. He’s 79. I told him it wan’t his time and opened up a conversation about death and the naturalness of it. The experience jolted him and his wife to make practical preparations when they realised tasks and areas around the home, demarcated along gender lines, were completely foreign to the other person. He was making a list of tasks he had responsibility for, where to find things, how to fix a problem etc. His wife did the same. I shared with him my experience of clearing my home for life and in the event of my death. We talked about people we knew who had died recently and the impact of death on their lives. The one thing he said at the end of our conversation was how easy it was to talk to me about death. This is one of our responsibilities, making the way we speak about death natural, easy and playful.
How much simpler and harmonious it would be for people dealing with the affairs of someone who has died, if the deceased had previously chosen to have all these details attended to well before they are sick and dying.
Most people when asked where they would like to die will say home. But what is not often considered is what is needed for this to occur (the preparation), which is why that most people still die in hospital. There is much to consider and a great commitment to having a home death. Friends and family are required to support as our capacity to physically care for ourselves declines, as health care services do not provide the 24 hours support that is needed. This can often go on for months which can be exhausting for carers. When people understand what is needed and have the opportunity to reflect on what is important to them and space to discuss this with friends and family this can empower people to make decisions that are very supportive of themselves and those who will assist with their care.
I agree Jennifer we need to deeply consider wether a home death like a home birth is truly supportive for all concerned.
I had a home birth and in hind sight it was not a responsible choice. I would have been much better off in a hospital where the care I needed during and after the birth would have been easily accessible.
Thank-you Gyl, for apart from the obvious things we need to put in place e.g. our will, you have given me so much more to consider in regard to the finer and just as important details and also to acknowledge the responsibility I have in letting those involved know all of my wishes in this regard, which will support them through this time, as well as in turn supporting me when my time comes to pass-over.
Thank-you Gyl, for apart from the obvious things we need to put in place e.g. our will, you have given me so much more to consider in regard to the finer and just as important details and acknowledge the responsibility I have in letting know my wishes on this deeper level that will eventuate in supporting those involved to be able to support me when my time comes to pass over.
Preparing a will and important details like who will care for any children and how debt will be paid off etc. is often avoided just like getting our finances in order while living. I have family members that have organised their end of life arrangements well that it won’t fall on others when they pass over…. and if feels very responsible and caring of others and themselves by doing this.
Thank you Gyl, this is a great blog. You have raised so many brilliant points I have not really considered before to this level of detail. I really appreciate you sharing this Gyl, and it is super supportive for anyone who reads this. It highlights how loving and supportive it is for ourselves and everyone in our lives when we express and document clearly what we would like to take place leading up to passing over and how we would like to be prepared for this stage of our life.
These are all great questions for us to consider, Gyl. Death will come to every one of us so it makes absolute sense to be prepared in advance for it.
You are right Gyl. Making dying and death part of our everyday would bring so much more responsibility to the process, and so much more joy. It could be, as radical as this might sound, as enjoyable as planning a holiday – an activity we don’t balk at. If we took the fear out of death, it could be something we embrace.
These are also great questions in terms of how do we want each day to be for us now. Are we just living and getting by or are we making choices to really support ourselves and live life to the fullest with the most love and joy we can.
Considering all these issues well before there seems to be any need is a very responsible action that we can all take. We need to be having more conversations with our families and friends about such issues, as death is the most inevitable event that will happen to us all.
All great questions Gyl, it’s another level of responsibility that we choose to turn a blind eye to…myself included. I have often thought that the things around me should be cleared up and thrown out continually in case I die. Would I want to leave many jobs for my loved ones to clear out because I haven’t gotten to them yet. It’s the responsibility to continually deal with my own stuff so it is not left for another to deal with. This can be seen in energetic terms in my unresolved relationships. There is much responsibility that needs to be upheld if we are to pass over with no baggage for our next life.
A baby is born in a period of grace in which what has been lived in the life/lives prior is not immediately at the forefront of awareness and so our childhood is a ‘clean slate’ in a sense for us to reimprint our lives with the love we innately are, without succumbing to the ill momentums that we have been previously caught up in that inhibited our expression of this love. That said, how we prepare for our passing over directly influences the quality of energy with which we will incarnate (be birthed) with and thus will also determine what lays waiting for us (our karma) to experience and thus resolve when this period of grace is over, if what was lived in the life/lives prior was not true to the love that we are. Perhaps this is what it means to truly pass over with no baggage – to leave no stone unturned in the expression of our love in all facets of our life.
Awesome expression Liane – I am fully with you and love how you have put it so clearly here :”…how we prepare for our passing over directly influences the quality of energy with which we will incarnate (be birthed) with and thus will also determine what lays waiting for us (our karma) to experience.”
I love this conversation Gyl, you have offered us all very practical considerations for passing over. I have opinions on my own so I will clearly have to start writing!
Death is a very natural part of our cycle of life, and should not be put ahead of ourselves. But should be a part of life that is equally considered as every other part. It is a preperation for our choices in our next cycle of life, which needs a deep care and love for ourselves, which is shown in preparing this in our every way.
A truly remarkable article. There is a huge responsibility when it comes to passing over and arranging beforehand to have all of our needs and affairs taken care of and yet so many don’t… yet the importance of the quality in which we pass is no different to the quality in which we live, which should not be sacrificed at the end for anything.
In facing our death we are asked to really consider life. I feel that our death and embracing the reality of it can bring a preciousness and value to life that we may not have otherwise.
Brilliant questions Gyl, and agreed that we need to speak more about this cycle that not only holds great power for us all, but is also inevitable for us all. How is it that we overlook having these conversations as part of our every day conversations as we do about birth, life, birthdays? We need to speak more about our cycle of passing over or ‘death-day’ so we have greater understanding as to what is really happening to us. What you have shared here offers a great deal to ponder on, and offers us the opportunity to demystify the current taboo or consciousness that we have towards death, dying and passing over, to instead look at the responsibility we have and power that comes though embracing this equally important aspect of our lives.
I know that I would have no problem whatsoever discussing the details of my death with my family, however I do struggle with talking about the details of my parents with them. They are much more matter of fact about it than me, I have a huge hesitation around it as I find it upsetting to talk about a time when they will no longer be here.
These are great questions Gyl, ones that should be the topic of our discussions and family members all the time. Why not? They should be part of our mainstream and they currently aren’t. We have to ask ourselves why? Why do we shy away from this type of responsibility? The responsibility of sharing this information with our loved ones. It would certainly make the process a much more loving one, yet we don’t choose to discuss this things, I feel it is time we change that.
This is fantastic Gyl! We prepare for many other cycles in life for birth, marriages, birthdays and so forth, yet death, our passing over is not something many of us actually prepare for with the finest of details. If need to have more of these conversations, in fact if we start talking about our preparation for death we may be considered a bit morbid, weird, raise discomfort in others. So why is this so? What is our relationship with our impending death, which is a natural part of the cycle of life, the ending of our life.
I like the practicality of the questions you ask Gyl. The down to earth, everyday details of how what we choose as we move towards are passing over are so important and will support not only us by those who are caring for us at this time.
Life is all about cycles, so if we are truly responsible in one life and in the passing of that life, we will bring that responsibility with us into the next life… and the same can be said of irresponsibility – if we live irresponsibly then we will carry that into the next life, and the next – until we choose to be responsible.
How we live each day, our day-to-day living, will determine how we die… so if we are truly and fully responsible in our daily living we will be the same in our dying.
Exactly Paula. In the end living and dying is all the same, and very much shows us how it is “one life”. How we live, right up until our last breath, is preparing for the next cycle. It just so happens to be in a new body.
Responsibility is like the elephant in the room, and talking about death is another elephant – and yet responsibility and conversations around death are crucial to our way of living and life.
For me it feels like preparing your affairs for when you pass over is all about building relationships with others so that above and beyond any legal document they know what your wishes are.
Yes connections and expression will go a long way to feel supported in that part of our lives, for the one passing over and the ones supporting, equally so.
This blog has freed up my thinking in regards to passing over and preparing for death and opened up a whole new opportunity to ‘start the conversation’ and make the preparations for the passing I would like to have. Thanks Gyl.
I am seeing more and more the huge responsibility that we have in passing over and so the huge responsibility we have in living as our livingness (how we have lived) will be the momentum we pass over with. Not only that I am becoming more and more aware of the responsibility of wills etc and having everything very clear and in order so that when we have passed our loved ones and people are not left to pick up all the pieces (which can be if not dealt with very clearly very muddily). I love the detail you have included here about things to consider as feel more often than not details of all you have listed would be something we would not even consider.
As a contractor in Aged Care residential facilities – there is much to be said for having your requirements legally documented. If diet requirements are required this is a great opportunity to not hold back and express what is true. Share this information with your friends, family, power of attorney etc., particularly those who you are giving the authority to make decision on your behalf, in the event that capacity is lost. Perhaps include the why as this will support understanding and assist those who will carry through the requested requirements.
Beautiful blog Gyl that brings it fully home to us that the manner and quality of our death is every bit as important as the quality of our life. Wouldn’t be such an empowering thing we were encouraged to clearly define everything that is important to us in preparation for our death, in just the same way we might plan a wedding or a big celebratory party. How differently we would view both life and death as a consequence.
I agree Rowena. People spend years preparing for weddings and big anniversary events, with very little time given over to planning for death. How different things would be if we did. The problem is many people associate death with old age, as we know the end of our life cycle can come at anytime. Which means planning can start early in our twenties or earlier. When we accept death and dying as a natural part of life, its easier to start these conversations.
Preparing for death is certainly something to consider, like many aspects of life, why leave it to chance when we can lay it all out how we want it. No different to how we set up our home, in a most caring and loving way, and it is being considerate of others too to have these things organised as our closest relationships then don’t have to fret over what is right for us but can instead implement the details we have already set up.
This can be the most vulnerable and most powerful time in our life. We rely on others around us to carry out our needs. But have we been living in a way, and taking responsibility for laying the foundation that supports our passing?
Great question Jenny James. If we go to our current way of living the same could be asked. Are we taking responsibility now that in turn will have an effect on our passing?
Thank you Gyl – recently we had this sort of conversations with people close to me and wow what an inspiring moment it was. We talked about stuff we have never talked about before and I could see how this deepened our relationship and supported everyone about the future. Nope we generally don’t want to talk about this stuff, but when we did – I could feel a huge tension clearing that has been lingering for a while because no one wants to ‘go there’
All relevant questions that you bring up here Gyl, yet not something we often pay attention to in our day to day lives – it is like we generally live life not considering that we are one day going to die, even though obviously we all are…
We don’t tend to think about these things and give more focus to our present day, thinking death is long on the horizon, even for those that are in their 40’s or 50’s. But it can happen anytime of our lives and is certainly never something that should be ignored or brushed aside for a later date.
May I add that even at that age it is really easy to distract yourself, yet these are really good questions that should be considered at any age.
You are asking great questions Gyl and are we considering those around us who are left behind when we are making decisions about our own passing over and how they will feel in response to any choices we have made?
Having opened up to these types of conversations it makes a lot of sense what your sharing here Gyl. We can’t predict the very day that we will die, phrases such as being hit by a bus tomorrow are common in our language. Making sure our lives are organised in our absence within life, or still alive but incapable of choice, is one of the most loving ways we can be with ourselves and others. I have also found that such conversations can enrich life as we develop relationships with others who we can trust and rely on to act on our behalf and we to them/others.
I love what you raise here Gyl, because some of these are very important to me in my life now and would absolutely be important in my death but I have not articulated that. A weekend task perhaps?
I was reading about the apalling quality of food given to palliative care patients the other day and it was terrible but not surprising. The idea that we can heal when we are about to die is absurd to many but when we connect to the fact that we are so much more than a body it makes absolute sense to take responsibility until our last breath and beyond.
Whoa, interesting point! Treating someone with love, care and tenderness isn’t just for when you enter the world…it’s for when you come to leave it too. (And clearly all through life).
Brilliant, Gyl, thank you. An inspiring and super practical attention to detail that has got me taking my awareness and preparations to a whole new level.
Me too Matilda, something I will be looking into and start putting things into place.
Awesome article. There is a lot to consider here, but not, I feel just in our passing, but also in our living.
Yes living and passing go hand in hand, astonishing how we have made it possible to totally separate the two in the way we view them
I know how I would like to pass over when the time comes, but you highlight the smaller things Gyl that are truly honouring and very supportive of this time, that I really love and would definitely like to incorporate into my passing wishes.
If we are irresponsible about how we live our life we are very likely to be irresponsible about our death too and back we come in the next life to face the consequences of all this. It is just another cycle like how we live our day, prepare for bed and get up in the morning.
So true Nicola everything happens in cycles and this one is no different. When we truly understand this maybe then humanity is able to take much more responsibility in life as well as in moving on…
Very important points you are making here Gyl. Most of us don’t set in motion these preparatory notifications before we get ill or find ourselves on our deathbed. These are definitely things I have thought about but not yet clarified and put into place in a written document. We can do what we can now to make things as simple as possible for those who will be looking after us in later years, and this is something that can be updated all the time. Choosing those who we would like to be responsible for our health care, or as an intermediary with the doctors and nurses is worthwhile considering and recording.
This is a great group of questions posed regarding our approach to dying through life. What struck me as I read your blog Gyl is just how much more attention to detail and planning we put into other life events than our funeral or other ceremony for our death? For example weddings and christenings etc. all have far more attention to planning and detail.
Yes so true, and we do the planning of all, and when it comes to passing over we leave it to others to plan in detail – makes no sense at all …
Some great points to consider – I hadn’t considered making a legal document about how I want the finer details taken care of such as the foods I’d want to be fed, the music (or not), etc, etc. This takes the responsibility of living and making choices right to the end of our lives to another level, so we don’t end up in a situation where we are in an environment that doesn’t support our passing over.
Preparing for death brings a triple responsibility: 1) deciding all the necessary details in case something happen to us and we are no longer able to make decisions. The idea is to walk that path based on our own choices and not someone else’s; 2) building our own quality; that is the quality we are living that will affect our return and whereabouts; 3) the details of how to deal with what we leave behind. All three are equally important.
There are a lot of things to take care of and organise when approaching end of life and so it is never too early to start preparing and start discussing with family members exactly how you would like to be cared for when that time comes. . Perhaps the best way to prepare is to commit to life fully in each moment and living in a quality that truly supports growth, evolution and expansion.
Great questions, Gyl, as of course these micro decisions can have a huge affect on how we pass over.
And what we come back to.
Great to open up the conversation Gyl, we talk about birth with ease and we put things in place to make sure that everything will be as we want it to be knowing that we are bringing a child into this life. What if we took the same care when we left this life. Death is still a taboo subject that we don’t want to talk about yet how we pass over will affect the choices we make for future lives. Your blog has inspired me to look in more detail at how I would like to passover
Thank you Gyl, having watched someone close to me go from living in a very healthy and conscious way throughout her life, end up in a nursing home eating all sorts of foods that do not support her at all, and it’s impact on her quality of life and health, is very sad. What you’ve laid out here is very important Gyl thank you, these do need to become conversations we have throughout life with our loved ones to ensure we are taken care of to the very end in a way that supports us.
Great questions you raise, Gyl, and ones we all need to address. As you propose, if we did, what a change there would be in society not only in the approach to the preparation for death but in fact our whole approach to life and living.
Wow Gyl the responsibility called for in your blog with the amazing level of detail certainly is different and feels so loving and supportive and really important. The level of honouring of ourselves at the time of passing over being expressed in our wishes in preparation to talk about with others feels deeply beautiful. The real purpose of our lives and the cycles we go through and our evolution being supported and expressed here is profoundly loving and would make so much difference for us all.
Wow Gyl this is really great to read, I can feel how important all of these things are that you have listed and realise that I had not considered writing down how I would like to be cared for. I am very sensitive to music and love to be warm, I eat a diet that supports me and there are a lot of foods that I no longer eat and so it is very important for me to continue eating healthy and nourishing foods. I will ponder on what you have shared and feel inspired to take responsibility for the end of my life and to plan and prepare for this, thank you.
What a great blog Gyl. There are many points here that we truly need to consider if we are going to be responsible and prepare for what will support us in the way we choose to honour our way of living and dying. The two are really one, not separated compartments of living and avoiding communication about dying.
It feels incredibly supportive when we do speak up and say exactly to the finest detail what and how we want to be taken care of before we die and what we would like after our death. I have a will in place and in that the people I would like my children to be raised by if something happened to my husband and I or if we both died but every now and then I review our decision. The couple we feel would support our children hasn’t changed from the initial feeling in choosing them but I feel it is important to consistently look at our will that my husband and I made a while ago as things can change.
Why do we fear the two things in life we have no control over, death and taxes? Ignoring them both, do not make them go away! Ah, but death other then when it’s a surprise, we know it’s coming, and we finally get to do what we want! You could say that seems childish, but children enjoy themselves more then life has shown us! Why should we not have our way to go out the way we want! The way you start is the way you will finish but… why not end the way you wish to return, on your terms not others!
Exactly – leave in a way you wish to return – loving, empowered and aware.
I would like to raise one interesting point I heard recently about making funeral plans. People often put it in their will but this is usually read well after your funeral so its crucial that family and friends know what your funeral wishes are. This means actually talking to them about it beforehand. I know this is not a comfortable topic for many, however your blog has brought home how important it is.
Thank you Gyl, for starting this much needed conversation about preparing for our deaths, and the depth of those preparations. What stands out clearly in this blog is the level of responsibility we have regarding putting these things into place and that right up until the end we are communicating to our families, friends and medical staff what we want.
Puts a whole new spin on ‘responsibility’ right? Why indeed should we relinquish responsibility when we are in the process of passing over? Much better to haven taken care of all that needs taken care of so we leave a clean space (to come back to 😉 )
Gyl this blog asks so many questions that I had not thought of. There is a lot to consider and it makes sense that I should make a plan which makes everything clear so that there is no confusion for my family to deal with when I pass over.
Or for us to come back to
How we are with all these things now i.e. money, wills, decision making, evolution etc. is what we will then bring to the process of dying. I know I struggle with some of these things now… but can feel the importance and responsibility very strongly.
This is such a necessary conversation to be starting Gyl as it is one that so many people do not want to have and so when they do pass over they leave their affairs in such a mess for their family; not very responsible at all. And as you say, it is not just about what you want done after your death that is important to share, but also how you would want to be treated if your dying is prolonged through a terminal illness or a serious accident. I am now volunteering for our local Hopsice and the first event I am helping at is a day put aside for one essential theme and is called “Start the Conversation….before it’s too late”. I will be remembering this wonderful blog as I offer others the opportunity to start a conversation that needs to become a normal one in everybody’s lives.
It’s true passing over brings an evolution for everyone.
Hi Gyl, are you meaning to say here that passing over brings an opportunity for evolution to everyone?
Yes there is definitely a choice to where we end up for dying is not so pleasant but when we pass over with energetic integrity we have opened our-self to truly evolve.
Great blog Gyl. Another aspect of advance planning is our homes. On a number of occasions, I have cleared homes of friends and family after death and it was onerous to clear get decades of stuff, possessions,, records, clothes, papers, cards and furniture. One responsibility we have is not to become consumer junkies and accumulate masses of stuff we don’t need. The other is not to leave our homes in a mess for others to clear up when we die. We can do this ourselves. Begin the process of de-cluttering now, get rid of all that does not serve, is excessive or an attachment to the past. Keep only that which is beautiful and serves. Living in a home that is spacious, clear and joyful is an act of love. It simplifies, , serves us in life and our families and friends when we die. I’m near completion of this process myself, supported by the amazing Jenny Hayes and recommend it to every one. Until I began the process, I remained unaware of how I was living and how much, hidden away in cupboards, needed to be discarded. It has been a revelation. When we discard beliefs of what we need to live, it is easy to discard all but the essential and beautiful. I would say I released 80% of possessions and papers accumulated over six decades. When we re-imprint our homes with love, we leave a precious gift for our loved ones when we die.
Kehinde I absolutely love what you have shared and agree whole heartedly with you. I have recently gone through all of my photos and chucked a huge amount away. The space that they have created both inside and outside of my body feels sublime.
Thank you Alexis. The final stage for me is going through photos and, having already cleared so much, this feels relatively simple. Looking back so much of my archive seems irrelevant to now and, as was said to me yesterday, when we pass over we’re not taking them with us. The feeling of spaciousness inside and out is, as you say, is ‘sublime’
Awesome Kehinde, what a great task and it’s very inspiring to read that you have cleared up so much stuff already. I have started as well, yet have quite a ways to go …
So true Kehinde and the more we de-clutter, the more our homes support our daily life, as well as our passing over and hopefully those who have to clear our houses once we are gone will appreciate and make use of the beautiful things too.
Beautiful, Kehinde.
If we cared about the end of our life /death more we would give life and our our whole understanding of it and how we are in it more caring attention. We need to understand that our whole life counts, every moment in it, and that we cannot value some moments/ages more than others. it is always the quality that counts how we are with ourselves and others.
Agreed Esther Andras. When we consider our dying in such depth, then it seems to make absolute sense to care for our daily lives in the same way, ensuring that all we do supports, nurtures and evolves us, so that when we come to die, we have established a natural momentum to carry us through this vulnerable moment in our existence.
Thanks for this Gyl…although my will is in place I hadn’t thought about the final practical detail of those days or weeks leading unto my death. I feel inspired to think about that now.
I love how you go to the details of preparing for death, I often would just think of who to give my money to and if I want to be buried or cremated etc. but there is indeed way more to it and those little things are equally important.
Those little things – they make up our foundation in life and as such, are equally as important in the process of passing over too. Making it the norm to the last breath would seem totally appropriate and very loving.
Thank you Gyl for writing about this topic which is very important but I must confess I don’t give it a lot of thought at the age of 40! But it is something we should all consider and plan for so we can have our ‘end of life’ as supportive as possible for ourselves and everyone around us.
Thank you Gyl for these reminders of the responsibility we all have to prepare for our passing over. It should be little different to the preparations for a holiday of a lifetime: what to pack, what to tidy up at home, who to inform that you will be away, arrange who will look after your family and pets, who will pay the bills, and prepare yourself for when you return.
Mary I love how you have worded this comment that passing over is little different to going on holiday, for me that is a completely different way to look at death that we are going on a holiday and will be back soon. and of course you are absolutely correct as we will be back sooner than we know.
I love your analogy Mary. Preparing for our passing over is indeed very similar to the preparations for “a holiday of a lifetime”. So relatable in a very practical and light-hearted way.
Thank you Gyl for an outstanding piece and what you have said makes absolute sense because if we are investing so much in life, which most of us tend to do, then why not put the same attention to detail, consideration and care in to our passing and in fact would this directly show us that it is all one life?
There is often not this much thought or planning put into death Gyl, and it would greatly support someone when they are passing over. I know from experiences working in hospitals that death is only considered with things like pain management, and power of attorney concerns which are important but are missing some other vital details like what foods support them, what company they would like and what they actually want to communicate.
And if you work in hospital, or for anyone how you live, move etc effects them. If you’re working miserable and stressed out that’s going to have an effect on everyone around you, and if you are working with absolute joy, deep care and love.
Yes Harry, the human element to preparing for death, not just concerning ourselves with monetary aspects but the actual care of the person in the lead up. The small details that matter a lot. Sometimes hard to reconcile that with the large care homes, that have become big businesses, all good and well as long as they are providing that level of care and that there is the opportunity for individuals wishes to be met respectfully and that profit margins do not take precedent over high levels of care.
Absolutely Stephen great comment.
I agree Harrison, we focus too much on the practical, often as a way to avoid the deeper emotional aspects of what we are facing. Taking care of the details of how we want to be nursed and cherished in our final days restores our human connection, which can support us to open up and share our feelings. The biggest grace of all is allowing the space for intimacy and connection, qualities that support our passing over and are as essential as the legal aspects in enabling us to go with no anxiousness or regrets.
Interesting point to ponder on Gyl, of course I want to be treasured in the same way as I do for myself now during the last days of my life, but as you say do the people who will take care for me being aware of this fact? I do feel that I have to take action on this as it feels as a responsibility to my being. Thank you for reminding me.
Definitely Gyl I agree. Just opening up the conversation around death and dying will release a lot of the tension around this topic.
And by opening it up more and more, maybe a change may start to happen in the way carers also look at it and those working in the nursing homes too…
It’s actually a very joyful and beautiful experience.
This is something that I have been considering too Gyl, but I find it pops in to my head only to be quickly dismissed and trampled down with thoughts about what I will eat for dinner, or emails I simply ‘must’ look at on my phone. So whilst I say I understanding death is not the horrible or bad event we grow up thinking it is, it seems there is some part of me still keeping it at arms length. It feels reading your words, incredibly clear that this is because it asks me to consider deeply how I live, what I am choosing and will come back to next life. It asks me to fully accept that reincarnation is real and whether I evolve or not all comes down to me. Ironic really, as we all fear being boxed up and put in the ground, but living in denial of evolution is like trapping ourselves up whilst we are alive. Thank you for sharing – this has inspired me on every level.
So true Joseph Barker, we fear the inevitable journey in the wooden box but realise little the imprisonment we choose to live in everyday, through our choice to not actively evolve. To consciously decide to address the passage of our dying, the way we want be nurtured through the process and the quality we leave our affairs in for others to bring closure to our lives is an evolutionary process in itself, a process that brings us squarely back to present because it’s the quality of our daily lives that ultimately sets the scene for the quality of our passing over.
I agree it’s our responsibility and choice to communicate how we would like to be let die, just as much as we ourselves honour what truly supports and loves us in the way we live our every day.
I would like to add cleaning out our homes and getting rid of clutter as another responsibility – we could say that this is always on the agenda and it certainly is, but I have known a few people who hang on tightly to their possessions until the very end, when none of this matters anyway, and leave the clean up and sorting out for others to do.
That is a good point Gabriele, we need to ask ourselves how much mess are we leaving behind for others to clean up after us, or are we preparing others, giving them the details how to deal with what needs to be dealt with when we are gone?
What do we leave in our wake when we pass over? Just a bit of a vacuum that pulls and inspires or the drudgery of having to clean up someone else’s mess?
Great point shared Gabriele. I have experienced this with friends and elderly neighbours where the arguments begin after the death of a loved one for items as keepsakes and memories from family. This leaves an enormous strain on those left behind when there has not been a clear outline prior to the passing.
This really does show how this is something that we do not plan for – we would not plan to move house without planning how and when to move our belongings, why is this any different?
I agree Gabriele and it is not only the difference it makes to others but the difference it makes to our lives for when we get rid of clutter this reflects within our body and therefore we have more space.
So true Gabriele, to clear our homes as much as possible and to leave directions about how other belongings are to be disposed of is as much our responsibility as putting the finer details in to action. This is not only a very loving and responsible action for ourselves but it also shows love and caring for those left with your passing.
I totally agree, Gabrielle, that clearing out our homes is a responsibility for us all while we still are able to do this. We would soon realize that we need so much less than what we actually have. I love to clear out things on a regular basis, – when I feel it is not supporting me any longer, I pass it on. The less I have, the lighter I feel.
I agree Gabriel. I am one of this who hung on to things for many years, well past their ‘no longer serving you date’. Have just lovingly cleared my home and rid myself of clutter, and anything that did not serve me in the here and now. I took responsibility for this myself not wanting to leave it for others to do when i die.
Yes it is a very important part to do this, as the more we clean out and let go, the easier it is also to let go of beliefs and ideals too as we realise we don’t need them, they are just taking up space …
Beautiful and very intriguing article,
Those finer details of passing over I admit I had not considered until now but I can see how very important these simple aspects will be during this passing over phase of our evolution. And how loving it can be to be prepared and consider to set this up for myself.
It’s interesting how, in regards to passing over, we see those details as ‘the finer details’ and yet those details in our lives now are actually ‘foundational details’.
Well put Alexis, no fine detail, just normal details as lived in our lives too.
So true Jane, it’s our everyday choices that build the quality of our dying and passing over. What an incredible opportunity we have to build this quality by taking care of the details in our day and choosing to change the life long habits of delaying what we know we need to take care of.
Death should be like a reverse pension plan, we need to go the same we came, but just a little bit older and wiser.
Ha, ha so true Steve Matson. It’s a journey we cannot avoid, however much we delay, so why not prepare and plan as much as we can and celebrate this passage into another realm, empowering ourselves to take all the accumulated love and wisdom with us when we go.
Rebekah that is what I felt as well, the detail of Living in full as we pass over and taking the precious care of ourselves as adults as we do with babies is what really feels deeply nurturing to me. The fact that it’s not just ‘here we go. this is it’, but lets keep deepening the love we are with ourselves.
Awesome pre passing over reconnoiter Gyl Rae! We prepare for most things that are important to us so why do we fail to organise how we want to be cared for or indeed care for ourselves. Responsibility is the word! We are making choices that will support us or not into the next cycle.