A few weeks ago I had my scheduled laundry time. I live in an apartment and share laundry facilities so we have to pre-book this time. So early that morning it was finally my turn and I had from seven to twelve to make it happen… Everything was going as planned until I noticed that someone had sneaked in to put their laundry in a machine I wasn’t using at the time.
First I was quite cool with it, but then I felt it wasn’t all ok, so I decided to leave a little note – loving enough but firm. I felt confident to bring the truth of what I felt – not rock solid – but strong enough.
Then I saw through the window that it was my neighbour just across and I felt a bit like “Oh no, but I really like that person” – and that made me realise something very important…
Do I hold back expressing what I feel is the truth to people I happen to favour?
And if so, why is that? Is there a fear of losing them if I express how I truly feel? Is there a fear of being rejected? Maybe it’s more comfortable to express when it feels ‘safe’ and I have nothing to lose, so to speak. But that doesn’t really feel like an honest approach when it comes to relationships between people, and it doesn’t feel like an honest approach to life.
Furthermore, it brought to me an understanding that expanded the meaning and importance of expression…
It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.
And all of this, what I experienced this morning, brings to me a bigger understanding of life and our true purpose. It also showed me a more whole way of being with others, as I realise that what I feel isn’t for me to hold on to, but for someone else who has asked for it.
Sometimes, someone might be stuck in a pattern and might need to hear something to be shaken out of it, and if I hold back from expressing what I feel, I’m actually keeping them from evolving from something they might have already felt deep down is not true.
It also exposed that I make it about me when I question whether I should express or not.
So in my case, what happened this morning was a great opportunity to explore what it’s like to express when I feel the impulse to, and not hold back.
Enough times I’ve done that – holding back from expressing what I feel – and when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine. When I do express on the other hand, it’s such a freedom and my body feels much more spacious and alive.
Even if I allowed what I felt to be expressed this morning I realise that it will take some time to get used to it. I can admit there were doubts as to whether I should say it or not but this time I kept with the feeling and stood by it.
My fellow mate in the washing room seemed a bit reluctant in taking in what I shared with her though. I realise that it will take some time for us all to develop a true sense of communicating, since we basically communicate with a measured level of comfort to not have things come up that might be there to address.
What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.
So when the silent asking is there next time I’ll do my best to stick with it because it’s worth it!
Deeply inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Matts Josefsson, Säter, Sweden
Simply knowing that how our own expression is so vital for our well-being is something that really should be taught from kindergarten onwards.
Hopefully we will have that as our truth soon. That wellbeing is tightly connected with how we are with ourselves and what is within us.
Yes and that it is honoured and valued in equalness by all.
Imagine being born with a deep level of awareness, which means our understanding of how we were in our previous life and how we were living with True Expression! So Re-incarnation and understanding our True responsibility will deepen our Humble-Appreciative-Ness and thus we will be totally responsible to stay connected to our last breath and this will deepen our expression from one life to the next.
I love that you share this as a language not for the ears to hear but the heart to feel – and when we express truth – it is certainly felt by the heart. It is so much bigger than us. I recently had an experience where I did not hold back with someone I like – and the truth was needed to be shared. And instantly I was able to let go of all the doubt and speculative feelings and just share how I felt from my heart and it was so simple. And as you say – sometimes people don’t always want to hear the truth, but it is not for us to hold onto.
And we will eventually realize that we are vessels that light passes through. That feeling of saying something can simply be truth wanting to be expressed through us. We shouldn’t really be allowed to say yes or no but we are. That is the love we have been given by the source that sources us.
When we hold back everyone is affected, so at-least when we bring honesty to all we express the openness that can be shared to make the truer expression open up meaning-full dialogue.
It is interesting isn’t that we would choose to develop a false relationship over a truthful one, in order to play it safe. I too have experienced this, but ultimately as you have shared Matts, it is far more honouring for both parties when we express the whole truth with each other, for the gold that is offered by way of this quality of connection is evolution.
The vast majority of us are in false relationships. We’re in them with our kids, we’re in them with our partners, we’re in them with our siblings, we’re in them with our mates and we’re in them with our work colleagues because basically unless we’re in the activity of God, supporting others to also be in the activity of God then the relationship is a false one.
This article really clearly exposes how we as a humanity have allowed the many “alterations” to truth that we now find ourselves having to live with. It will take a very loving dedication to again make real the absoluteness of truth that we all know innately within, that we so want our world to live by again. How much that happens, is up to us.
Thank you Matt’s, if we all be truly honest the “silent asking” is there often and it is only our construed way of living that we have allowed to be normal that stops us from offering exactly what another is actually asking for. We have put our own protection of self above that of the true care we hold within of others. Until we allow ourselves to feel this we will continue to question expressing what we have already felt to say.
Every time I have held back saying something that I felt needed to be expressed even though it may result in either an emotional reaction or defensiveness/conflict, it has felt like I was carrying around a giant weight inside my body, dragging me down. So it makes a lot of sense Matts, when you spoke of how spacious you feel when you don’t hold back expressing what is there for the other person to hear, and it is truly irresponsible to either think that ‘they are not ready to hear it’ if you are holding back in order to be liked or not rustle any feathers.
If I express the truth and a friend does not like it or want to be my friend – then they were not a true friend in the first place. However, true Truth never has an ounce of emotion and is always an expression of Love. One of the problems is that we often judge and react and think we are expressing truth but it is not true if we have reacted even if it might be right!
I have come to learn the greatest source of truth is deep within our innermost. Not listening to it and overriding it is never wise.
As a girl I learned that I should be nice with the people I love but, what kind of love hides, compromises and holds back the truth that is felt within? In what moment did I leave my fresh, natural and unique expression behind? And why? The truth is the acceptance that I thought I would receive never came in the way that I expected and when it came, it never fulfilled me. What I’m realizing for some time to now is that I’m not here to be accepted or loved by others, I’m here to be me and to hold myself in love and be stable in my truth, which sometimes can be not liked or accepted by others and it’s ok too.
Thank you Matt for your sharing. Recently I’ve realized that sometimes I hold back about how I really feel in order to protect myself from being rejected. But what stays with me me when I do it is nothing else than resentment and sadness within. I agree with you that this is not an honest approach when it comes to relationships between people as well as with the relationship with myself. When I see me in this pattern I realize how false it is and that it has nothing to do with who I am in truth. This blog invites me to step out from the always known and false niceness and to start to express from the real me in every situation that I’m in. Sometimes I feel extremely vulnerable expressing in this way, but it brings me so much joy as I feel that I’m offering something valuable by simply being me.
And if people only knew what effect it does have upon us when we clamp down on our expression. Physically, energetically, it is so deep and far-reaching that it behoves us to be bringing this awareness to children at a very early age… When we express ourselves, we can start to stay in touch with ourselves.
True Chris, I used to say that I only felt that I knew who I was in when I truly expressed. So when I held back I had a lot of thoughts of who I truly was but when I didn’t I could easily feel who I was. The thing is to let through what is there to be let through. Sometimes things might feel awkward or out of place to say but it’s so freeing and clearing for everyone when we let through heavenly words and tunes. Note to myself there also.
There’s so much of life that is full of words said in anger and judgement. Like a tiresome radio station it seems we’ve chosen to tune them out. Yet then we miss out on what life’s about. If we truly wish to make life about communicating and connect then let’s make every word, letter and syllable loving. Thank you Matts.
Thoroughly enjoyed reading this blog – I will read it again! I have not kept my communication and expression simple – I have held back for many years what I feel in my body causing complication, misunderstanding, reaction and hurt. This has also led to lower back pain. As Matts has beautifully expressed “It also exposed that I make it about me when I question whether I should express or not.” And “When I do express on the other hand, it’s such a freedom and my body feels much more spacious and alive.” An important thing I have noted also, it is not so much using your voice but it is how you move around and be with people that is a significantly large part of the expression. I’m learning how my movement can grace my understanding for myself before I react.
Beautiful Matts, your words remind me how traditionally we seek relationships that are calm, comfortable and easy every day. Yet what I observe is the truly great connections that I enjoy can be problematic and have lots of tension, because we both show each other some parts of our lives that aren’t quite right. Far from being a disfunctional side effect it’s this exposing that is the main purpose of us hanging out. So yes, let’s keep sharing what we feel and supporting each other to learn and heal.
We can restore harmony and balance in the world , it just needs for everyone to take responsibility for the truth of their expression. And this of course will be a normal leap for humanity
We can restore harmony and balance in the world , it just needs for everyone to take responsibility for the truth of their expression.
SO important – that to express something is not for us to hold onto. Sure I have been caught in the past of not wanting to communicate the truth because of the fear of not being liked, but this is bringing self into it and not speaking the truth that is there to be shared.
If we hold back the truth with those we love or get on with well, are we really being ourselves with them and loving them?
This is a great reminder to say what is there to be said, no more, no less .
It is interesting to clock how you are with some people and how you are with others. What changes? What stays the same?
It is so worth expressing what is there and part of this is giving ourselves full permission to feel something. Given the green light to simply feel means there is far less head chatter questioning, doubt, justification and all the other emotional type reactions that come in to dispel feeling. I’m discovering more and more that feeling is simply feeling and when we allow it then the words that follow come from the heart not the head.
Is it not amazing how we honour non expression of truth on the illusion of self protection. The irony is that the opposite is the result , we give our power away to non expression and therefore make it more difficult each time to express the truth that is required to maintain harmony as that is the reason for having been given truth to express. Thank you for sharing Matts.
Whilst it may sound simple the enormity of expressing how we feel from our heart and not our head is forever a key foundational approach we should take to all our relationships including with ourselves
There are times when the biggest healing can take place for others when we speak our truth and do not hold back in fear of saying the wrong thing. Just maybe the way it is said is part of what needs to be delivered for that person.
Measuring our responses according to the expected (or feared) return is not serving us nor the other but it can take time to develop or re-develop this ability – it is love and truth in expression and withholding and withdrawing hurts us and the other.
You raise many great points here. In a similar way why are we more open and friendly with one person than another. You can often feel people turning it on and off, but love does not have an on and off switch.
Without decency and respect the worlds foundational values disintegrate. And you would have to have both your eyes and ears closed to the world around you to not know that the world today is falling apart through our lack of decency and respect not only for ourselves, but all others equally. What’s more, when we erode our values on any level of our expression and hold back on stating the obvious truth there will always be a correspondingly ripple effect on the all too. So in order to address the macro issues we must first address the micro everyday issues with whomever it is not matter who they are – which is exactly what you were doing in this example Matts. I say your expression was spot on.
I never used to think about what happens to the words that I really needed to express and didn’t. It wasn’t until I began to realise that if everything is energy, which it undeniably is, then it follows that words are energy too. So if we hold onto words that we really want to say we are holding these packets of energy in our body, which seems to be what you experienced when you say “it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine”. That is the perfect description of what happens and this energy sits within us until at some point the words are expressed, often in not a very controlled or loving way. It is so much more healing for all if we share exactly how we feel; the truth may make someone uncomfortable but at least the words that are meant for them do not stay stuck where they don’t belong.
A timely blog post Matts. I can completely relate to feeling like I have a weight or something stuck inside me when I don’t express what I feel for fear of the other person’s reactions. It feels great to go for it despite what might come back at you, but it also really takes a bit of practice to not be affected if they do. It’s so interesting how we measure how much of ourselves we are willing to be depending on how another is, and we live like that, like it’s the only way…thankfully it’s not, and there is another way if we choose it.
I am realising more and more that a relationship established in truth is far more enriching than one that is established on lies, or the fear of expressing the truth we feel and see. When we express in truth we honour the quality of the love we all are in essence, as such we confirm that this is our true way of being, which then offers the opportunity for us to address the behaviours that take over when we forget who we are.
I just had an experience like this, except that I was on the receiving end of hearing my partners feelings about something I have done. I didn’t hear it in the greatest way, reacting instead of feeling what was said. I can see there is another crucial part to what you describe Matts, the responsibility we have to stay open and to listen, to be present, caring and remain in the room. Otherwise we sponsor the idea that expressing = doom and gloom.
Part of the job role of being a human being is expressing the truth – after all, if we don’t nothing changes.
When I hold back what there is to say and I override the feeling out of fear of reactions or waiting for the right moment or maybe I am in reaction, my body start to feel heavy, I start to eat to not feel what my body is communicating, blame others, a whole range of behaviour that causes stagnation and tiredness. The moment I make the choice to express what I feel, my body starts to feel lighter and life starts to flow again, it is that simple.
It’s interesting how we might not say something or measure what we say because we like someone. One would think it would be the other way around. We like someone, and because we do we would want to do everything so that the relationship we had was open and honest, even if it is a neighbour. We are otherwise in lock down, protection mode, which does not protect anyone from anything. All we are doing is avoiding what is there, which sits as an uncomfortable tension in both our bodies.
That’s a great point Jennifer, in fact it is a great sample of love when we express to others everything that doesn’t feel right. This is and investment in transparency and true relationships which allows everyone to evolve.
No coincidence that I found your blog this morning Matts as i had a situation at work where someone did something that was not OK and I found myself in exactly your situation. I didn’t want to confront them but without seeing this as a disastrous lack of communication on my part I recognised that how to handle this needed to be sensitively. The most important thing is not to be in reaction with it, so giving a bit of time for me and then expressing would be most important. But as Matts shared this can not be done with any expectation of a certain outcome.
Ah yes fear of expressing due to the anticipation of what the reaction will be… Could it be that this is so endemic in our society, in our race, that we choose to stay as a species contracted and not allowing ourselves to evolve to our next and inevitable destination
Expressing our truth is taking self responsibility.
When we are holding back what needs to be expressed we are not only harming ourselves we are harming others too. We are getting caught in the self and forgetting to see the bigger picture. Truth has to be expressed and not held back.
I’ve always found expression hard, and would often prefer a mute and silent way of living… however recently I’ve started to wonder if my expression is actually important for the world, and this story proves that our expression not only counts but is important for another person to deepen their understanding of life. Definitely something worth developing…
What I’ve seen the last few days is how when I express the tightness I have felt in my body is easing up. I feel more clear and more alive and I realise that not saying what I feel and not expressing is hurting our body more than we realise.