A few weeks ago I had my scheduled laundry time. I live in an apartment and share laundry facilities so we have to pre-book this time. So early that morning it was finally my turn and I had from seven to twelve to make it happen… Everything was going as planned until I noticed that someone had sneaked in to put their laundry in a machine I wasn’t using at the time.
First I was quite cool with it, but then I felt it wasn’t all ok, so I decided to leave a little note – loving enough but firm. I felt confident to bring the truth of what I felt – not rock solid – but strong enough.
Then I saw through the window that it was my neighbour just across and I felt a bit like “Oh no, but I really like that person” – and that made me realise something very important…
Do I hold back expressing what I feel is the truth to people I happen to favour?
And if so, why is that? Is there a fear of losing them if I express how I truly feel? Is there a fear of being rejected? Maybe it’s more comfortable to express when it feels ‘safe’ and I have nothing to lose, so to speak. But that doesn’t really feel like an honest approach when it comes to relationships between people, and it doesn’t feel like an honest approach to life.
Furthermore, it brought to me an understanding that expanded the meaning and importance of expression…
It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.
And all of this, what I experienced this morning, brings to me a bigger understanding of life and our true purpose. It also showed me a more whole way of being with others, as I realise that what I feel isn’t for me to hold on to, but for someone else who has asked for it.
Sometimes, someone might be stuck in a pattern and might need to hear something to be shaken out of it, and if I hold back from expressing what I feel, I’m actually keeping them from evolving from something they might have already felt deep down is not true.
It also exposed that I make it about me when I question whether I should express or not.
So in my case, what happened this morning was a great opportunity to explore what it’s like to express when I feel the impulse to, and not hold back.
Enough times I’ve done that – holding back from expressing what I feel – and when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine. When I do express on the other hand, it’s such a freedom and my body feels much more spacious and alive.
Even if I allowed what I felt to be expressed this morning I realise that it will take some time to get used to it. I can admit there were doubts as to whether I should say it or not but this time I kept with the feeling and stood by it.
My fellow mate in the washing room seemed a bit reluctant in taking in what I shared with her though. I realise that it will take some time for us all to develop a true sense of communicating, since we basically communicate with a measured level of comfort to not have things come up that might be there to address.
What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.
So when the silent asking is there next time I’ll do my best to stick with it because it’s worth it!
Deeply inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Matts Josefsson, Säter, Sweden
I love what you have shared here Matts ” It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.” I have just come to realise that it is truly not mine to hold onto and when the ownership is removed I can feel the ease in which we can express a truth for another to choose to feel or not.
Just reading that nb feels freeing. I makes me realise how much we are carrying around, old baggage of how to be, how not to be, what to say or not to say. Perhaps this is what Shakespeare touched upon with his famous “To be or not to be”. To be faithful to truth or not.
Matts, I read this blog a few times previously and every time I seem to find another gem. What stood out for me this time is the firm understanding that I’m just the point of light that is in a certain place at a certain time because my body is required for service to humanity via expression to another. Me debating with myself if I say something or not is ridiculous when I consider my purpose in such a situation as I’m merely there to support another with their development through the exchange that we have. Of course there is a way to loving express what’s there to be said, but if I hesitate and hold back I am only hurting and hindering us all.
Such a great point here… often we do personalise what we feel as an impulse to say…”It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.” Rather than feeling the purpose of it. That it may actually be what some one else is asking for and needs to hear. This turns our assumptions of life on its – Thank you.
When I read your comment I realise that the ‘magic solution’ we sometimes want when we feel down in life can simply be to start expressing how we truly feel. And saying that I also feel it’s important to mention that expression is not just the verbal kind but it can also be the allowing of one self to have a loving, supportive place to stay, supplying oneself having proper clothing, taking a warm bath or shower when feeling a bit cold.
It is very common measuring what and how I express to different people, be that expression verbal, body language, or through actions. Acknowledging this and observing it in oneself is a great start to breaking down the barriers that prevent treating each other with true equality. Matts your blog is showing that it is actually possible to take the first steps back to that way of relating to each other.
Great that you brought up body language as well because the way that I walk will also be a reflection of how I am in life, with myself and others and it’s possible to also start there in walking and moving in a way that will enable me to have a more supporting flow of energy moving through my body.
‘Do I hold back expressing what I feel is the truth to people I happen to favour?’ – I could feel the truth of this in my body Matts and how often I hold back because of the fear of loosing the person from my life. Time for practicing getting myself out of the way and allowing the truth to come through me. Thank you Matts
A language not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel; this is very beautiful Matts and a timely reminder to not hold back but to express what the heart/body is feeling.
Just realised that saying no can be so awesomely freeing as that also is part of us expressing what is true, that we don’t have to say yes to everything by default.
‘Enough times I’ve done that – holding back from expressing what I feel – and when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine. When I do express on the other hand, it’s such a freedom and my body feels much more spacious and alive.’ I have experienced this too and just goes to show how our investment in being liked, not wanting to rock the boat or other personal agendas can stand in the way of Truth and True Love. Taking these impediments away there is a possibility for greater connection.
What a great moment to catch yourself in holding back something that needed to be said … Am sure there are many of us who have all experienced moments like this, but eventually we just have to crack on and say whatever needs to be said, because the tension is worse than any outcome of speaking up
Agree with that Johanne and that is my experience also, truth is there to be spoken and shared not held back. And the truth is not even mine to keep, it’s for others to hear, so we are really holding people back from growing when we decide to say just as much as we feel comfortable with.
Matts, it’s great what you were able to share from one little incident and it shows how every moment is an opportunity to learn and let go of old patterns and by not holding back we can support others to also take more responsibility.
I know it’s actually a great way to commit to life, because it makes you alert and attentive to what other people might need in any moment. Just like a nurse in a ward.
I’ve got so much out of reading this again, it has really brought home to me the importance of getting myself out of the way when it comes to expressing truth. I decided to put myself on a little program this week where every time I have that pang of holding back, that I would actually do the opposite. What it is exposing is how many stories and pictures are associated with expressing that are so not real!
Thanks Aimee – and I feel that it won’t take long before stating the truth will be just as normal as waking up in the morning.
To express how we really feel from our hearts I feel will always serve another – to express from a much different place ‘our heads’ letting that imposing nature of this leading to a more reactive response, does not serve at all. As Helen shared the more we keep ourselves out of the way that initial heart felt clear communication can be felt by others.
I really enjoyed re-reading your blog Matts – it feels like there are little gems everywhere for me. I appreciate the reminder that what is there to be truthfully expressed needs to come out, not only when it feels safe to do so, but whenever it is there because it is for the benefit of the person or people concerned. We may not know the depth of what is being offered to another person in that moment and nor do we need to. The more we can keep ourselves out of the way, the clearer the communication can be heard and felt by others.
Helen this is so true. When we make the choice to express what’s there, it has a profound effect, even if we cannot actually see the effect. The more aware I become, I am very aware that when I have shared truthfully it has meant that my choices thereafter are different, as other options open up (including approaching things differently), that I was blind to before.
“Sometimes, someone might be stuck in a pattern and might need to hear something to be shaken out of it, and if I hold back from expressing what I feel, I’m actually keeping them from evolving from something they might have already felt deep down is not true.” There has been so many times in the past when I have held back from expressing, later to find out that was worst for them, if I had spoken up it would have been more supportive for them. Holding back our expression, holds another back from evolving.
The thing that holds me back the most from expressing fully what I think or how I feel is how the other person is going to react. As you say Matts… in your case she did not take it so well. But over the course of my life, I have also learnt that by not saying what needs to be said, it allows the status quo to continue and that is far more damaging in the long run.
That brings up the question of what do I choose to side with, the charade of life or actually bringing truth to it, and helping everyone else. Sometimes it seems easy to please other people but in the long run it gives a bad taste in our mouth. When I’m looking after myself and honouring what rhythm my body wants to be lived with then I find that being truthful and expressing myself is quite easy, it’s when I don’t have that I get all these silly doubts. Thanks for sharing Simon.
Still a work in progress for me is bringing truth with love, even though I have heard it presented for many years as a student of Universal Medicine. But what remains clear for me is that in the cases I have offered this to someone, it has never brought a reaction in that moment, but actual appreciation for speaking up. In some situations, if I am wanted to speak with a little reaction, I choose not to and own I am in reaction. Then I can let go and the words come much more freely, perhaps not straight away, but no less powerfully.
Totally Simon, holding back expressing builds a foundation of doubt and more the same.
Simon, I have also held back my expression in anticipation of a reaction. And yet the reaction, once it happens, is usually not as bad as the feeling of incompletion in the body from not having expressed what I was impulsed to say. It takes quite an effort to hold it in and can make you quite tired and it certainly is no good for the body.
That makes it so clear that we are all on a path of learning and not one of perfection. That line by itself is a great learning for myself, that I do not have to be perfect.
Having been the receiver from many honest people, in them not holding back in their expression I can truly say that it has really helped me to choose to make big changes in my life. I do appreciate the fullness of what is shared but just need now to live it. Awesome sharing Matts.
My experience is that we do actually live a lot of what we are striving for already, we just have to appreciate where we have come in our life and learn how to celebrate it on a daily basis.
Do I hold back expressing what I feel is the truth to people I happen to favour?
I don’t know how many times this has ticked over in my head too, like theres a real fear of being rejected or not liked or the times when we water down the truth in the hope others will get it, well have to say it’s not truth anymore it cant be done, we water down to suit ourselves I’ve been finding out just how crushing it can be but absolutely possible to turn it all around as Matts said speaking from the heart
we are so used to mentally manipulating our expression, feeling what will be accepted and what will not, thinking and constructing, that the idea of not doing all of this can seem very foreign… What is truly amazing is returning to a natural flow of expression that is not constructed, but comes from the deep and true intelligence of our heart
It’s such a double thing isn’t it. We all want to express all that we feel and all the love we hold within yet we as you say go up in our heads to measure how much of that love we are willing to express. I guess it’s when we surrender to that love that we can with ease share it with everyone around us without thinking twice about it.
Yes very true Matts. Yesterday I had an experience that really confirmed what you are expressing here, it is about surrendering and being the ‘vessel’ to deliver what is needed to whomever needs it. It is when we go think about it, that it starts to get complicated: ‘shall I do this or not?’; ‘what would people think of me?’; ‘I will look ridiculous’ etc. Yet when surrendering to the impulses that are there it is very easy…and it brings a lovely expanded feeling in my body too.
Yes, you know how bugged you can get when things like the computer are lagging – that is us when we don’t express, it’s like a program running taking up all this attention and energy from what we are currently doing, and trust me I know from first hand experience.
Well said Chris – we say what we think will be accepted, and not what we truly feel. That waters it down so much and distracts from what is really going on… game playing rather than just being honest.
One thing I am getting more and more aware of is that expression is not just expression as in speaking or perhaps body gestures, but so so much more. That expression is everything is slowly awakening me into knowing that choices of work is expression. How I relate to my work is an expression. How open and honest I can be with myself and others is an expression. Where I choose to live, and so on. This empowers me into making changes that I thought before was out of my control, or I wasn’t really honouring the fact that I myself had the power within me to make the changes I felt were needed in my life. Awesome, love the discussion here.
In reading your blog again Matts highlights the importance of not holding back expressing how we feel but to deliver the truth regardless. That feeling of holding something in your body as you’ve shared when truth is not expressed is a familiar feeling for me too because in the past I have held back from expressing truth due to fear. The way to clear our body of this is to express in full. To truly express is healing and evolving for everyone.
I agree Chan – the best and most prosperous relationship is the one with truth.
And sometimes when we don’t know what to express but we feel there is something there to be said it’s great to say just that, that I feel there is something to be said and that alone often brings whatever is there to be said to the surface. Truth seems to work faster that our thinking mind can grasp and maybe this is a problem when we focus on the mind to be the leading focus rather than what we feel.
I agree with all you have expressed Matts. I have spent my entire life holding back what needed to be said out of fear of upsetting another or have them turn against me. However, I have found that this is not conducive to harmony as it only breeds resentment and bitterness – emotions that get to work in us brewing and stewing as we hold onto our 1000 small annoyances until one day, it is all too much to contain and we boil over into a furious rage. This can be taken out on others or ourselves, either way, it is not so pretty and we end up causing far more harm than if we had just expressed what was bothering us originally.
Then there is the other extreme that is expressing everything and anything that bothers us without reflecting on it ourselves first, so that what we express to another is done as a form of relief for things we don’t want to feel. This type of expression is more of a dump and is very imposing and equally as harming as not saying anything in the first place! The key for me has been to pause the moment I feel a reaction to someone or something, feel all there is to feel, and then, if appropriate, speak to the other person without judgment or condemnation…that’s the tricky bit because we are so used to blaming others for what we do not want to feel ourselves. But I have found that truth expressed with love is the perfect package and the more it is delivered, the more willing it is to be received no matter how squirmy it may at first feel. For in the end, it is about evolution and not comfort and deep down we all want this even though we may fight it.
I love what you have shared here Liane – revealing more of the responsibility we have for our expression, thank you.
‘Sometimes, someone might be stuck in a pattern and might need to hear something to be shaken out of it, and if I hold back from expressing what I feel, I’m actually keeping them from evolving from something they might have already felt deep down is not true.’ A beautiful reminder that life is not designed for me to be comfortable but to expand and step out of my comfort zone and express my feelings and to not hold back. When I hold back I judge the other person for not being all that they are but I am also adding to this because I judge them to be not worth my expression. Ouch!
Yes Annelies, then eventually we might get comfortable enough to express truth whenever it’s called for and expressing becomes the new comfort.
Great blog Matts. Like you, I still sometimes play the game of favouritism which is also a game of inequality. I too let some people get away with more than others, I have different standards and expectations for different people or I simply just want to keep the peace and not rock the boat in the relationship. There are so many more reasons we do this but in the end it is not healthy for anyone as it is ‘a matter of responsibility’ to be honest and treat everyone with the respect and equalness that they innately are.
I don’t understand Matts. Why would your neighbour sneak in and put a load of washing on when you weren’t looking? Why would they not have just asked you if they can use the machine? Clearly they were maximising on the favouritism they felt you have for them! In considering this, would you really have said no if they had asked?? Often it is the disrespect that we feel that we react to when an instance like this happens, then we go to the favouritism to see how we deal with that reaction.… There are so many variables to consider in all our interactions with others we can see how sometimes the mind literally just boggles.
Hi Suse – I feel things like this happens because there is a calling for deeper connection with people. A lot of things happens on the surface but underneath we all want to feel that innate connection we might miss. Our laundry room interaction allowed for this to happen so her mischievous way paid off : )
I loved reading your blog Matts, you have expressed so beautifully our responsibility to express and how it is beyond the self but for the all.
When we express from simply delivering truth, it feels amazing, healing, expansive and evolving for ourselves and others.
‘We basically communicate with a measured level of comfort’, I just had a conversation with a friend about this last night. She mentioned how she controlled a situation by measuring what she expressed as to not rock the boat and keep it ‘nice’. It was a realization to me that I do exactly the same and had never look at it as control.
Well said Kim. What a revelation – being ‘nice’ is a form of control. That doesn’t mean we all go out and be horrible to each other, it simply means that if we don’t rock the boat, the boat will never move in a different direction. It seems we seek to control because we cannot bear our comfort being upset. The irony here being, that in order to not rock the boat, we have to call upon an enormous amount of resistance to block what is wanting to flow, and while things may well appear calm on the surface, below there is a tsunami brewing… Comfort is the enemy of evolution, if the boat does not move then neither do we.
‘I realise that what I feel isn’t for me to hold on to, but for someone else who has asked for it’. What an incredible realization to live by. We are all the vessels of Gods voice, if we don’t allow true expression than others can’t receive what is for them. Allowing expression is allowing the voice of God.
A huge thank you Matts for your blog as it was very relevant to me. I realised as I was reading that I do measure what I say depending on the level of closeness I feel with the other person and therefore my investment in the outcome. But you are right – when we take ourselves out of the equation it’s so much easier to understand that the opportunity has arisen so that all can evolve.
I have been coming back to this blog a number of times. My lack of expression throughout my life is made clearer every time. And yet I have markers, times when I remember expressing in full and how complete I felt. Although it is difficult to break years of habits that required of me to be nice, polite, accommodating, co-operative I now see this way of being as a mask that hid my true face. I am playing a role in the theatre of life instead of playing me. My commitment to feeling and expressing means that I do not need to reach for the mask so often.
There are hundreds of ways in which I can speak up when I feel something is not going “right”. The first instance to me is my body. When I feel that I hesitate, shiver, hold a tension or feel my fist rolling in – these are all sings for me being in reaction. That is the moment to hold on for a second. Feel what’s truly bothering me, breath – and express with an observing quality for me and them. That opens a space for a possibility to truly talk and not just ping-pong words creating results that end up being a compromise.
Matt this is a great reminder “It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.” That sais so much about brotherhood and the expansion of expressing our feelings as they arise … no holding back. We are reflections for each other and the message we deliver maybe the key they were looking for or needed to hear in that moment.
Agree Susan – the next step I feel is starting to express the love that is already residing inside our bodies. For me there hasn’t been a specific feeling just a livingness that is pouring over. When I started to really look after myself it was like I started to build a reservoir of something that really nurtured my body. I kept going and eventually I seemed to ‘spill over’. So there is definitely something that is already within, the key is to learn and know how to let it out in a way that actually lets ‘that’ out and not something that can look familiar. Serge Benhayon is so good at presenting the possible traps we so easily can fall for when letting this light that resides within out.
Matts reading your article has turned on a light bulb for me regarding a situation that has been bothering me. I realise rather than risk upsetting people I like I will make up excuses, and even make myself wrong rather than saying what was there to be expressed. I love how you have given the big picture view – it’s not about me, it’s about giving another the opportunity to grow – brotherhood.
I loved this line so much I wanted to write it out myself:
“What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood …”
So very beautiful this entire blog was to read.I assume that English is not a first language for you Matts, but you sure do have a magic way with the language of the heart, thank you.
Thanks Helen – expressing from the heart is something I sometimes forget but it’s always there as a choice and it feels awesome to come back to. Great medicine as well I’d say.
I love this line too. This is an awesome example of the difference when we express from our mind going into thinking about what we should express compared to expressing from our body. When it comes from the mind it’s controlling, stagnant and not evolving whereas expressing from our body, our heart it is evolving without us even trying, it’s just natural.
Awesome sharing Matts! “It also exposed that I make it about me when I question whether I should express or not.” that’s the best proof for there is energy impulsing us constantly – and free will is the instance that decides which way to take. And if there is a loving expression – no matter if it is shaking the one in front or not – it is always worth it not letting energy of the unexpressed let be stuck in the body and being a deal for it for the rest of the day. The true art of expression is based on how we express in a sense of not being in reaction but speaking up from an observing point of view. Them and us equally so.
Interesting Christina, that there is an energy impulsing us to express. Makes me think about what happens when we choose to not express. I think most can relate to when we feel like crying but hold it back and that lump we can feel in our throat. Great example that some things are there to be let out not held in.
Thank you Matts for a really great blog, I feel inspired to express more and not hold back what is there to express. I liked the thought , it is not for me, it is not for me to hold in my body.
I am realising what a greater responsibility I have in expressing and when I don’t express I can certainly feel it in my body.
I agree Jill – and the more love I give myself and my body the easier it gets to express what is there to be expressed because the body is asking for it. It’s as simple as going to the bathroom when the body calls for it.
That’s for sure Matt, can’t ignore a bathroom call but we dismiss the other messages we get from the body. Your blog has bought up a greater awareness of the responsibilities of paying attention to these feelings we clearly receive.
Yes and I feel we need to be humble with ourselves when it comes to expression. It feels like a lot of us finds expression something sensitive to approach. We feel a bit exposed and sometimes a bit vulnerable.
A great word you have introduced here Jill. So often we play it safe because it allows us to stay small, but what of our responsibility to call things out when we see them and feel them?
And if so, why is that? Is there a fear of losing them if I express how I truly feel? Is there a fear of being rejected? Maybe it’s more comfortable to express when it feels ‘safe’ and I have nothing to lose, so to speak. But that doesn’t really feel like an honest approach when it comes to relationships between people, and it doesn’t feel like an honest approach to life.
I can totally relate to all of these questions Matts, and I use these too often and as you say, make it about me. I am realising that by making it about me we both loose as I have that holding back in my body and the other person doesn’t get to hear what is there to be said.
I know Julie – I have experience that the more love and care I have brought into my life the less is the need to please everyone in a way that lessens me. And by doing so both parties win out. Thanks Julie!
Great topic you have written about Matts, expressing from inner truth is one of the most self honoring actions you can do and it is such a huge relief on the body. By not expressing what we really feel is a form of us rejecting ourselves.
It’s true Joe – it’s like rejecting everything the universe is providing for us. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that we are actually part of a greater constellation that has a very precise order and that we are also called to do what is needed for that constellation to not only keep its precision but to continuously grow and expand to a greater version of itself.
Matt to keep in our choices that we are part of a greater constellation and we are part of the bigger picture of the evolutionary journey of humanity makes talking to your neighbour essential as everything is energy and even a simple conversation about washing is not to be dismissed.
Hi Monica – I keep coming back to those needs we still might carry and how those can stop us from truly expressing what we feel because we are afraid of others not loving us anymore. I do find it more loving though to actually be truthful and put the relationship ‘on the line’ so to speak and speak up. It’s not really putting anything ‘on the line’ but from my own experience it can feel like that. The reward afterwards is definitely worth it, I have to say, and very much appreciated.
If we truly trust and appreciate ourselves it should not be more difficult to express in full with loved ones or people we care for. Is their opinion of us more important than our own? In truth I have often held back from expressing fully in the fear of hurting or losing someone. The fear was reflecting my lack of self worth. As you so pertinently say Matts, by withholding we prevent not only ourselves but others from evolving.
That is so so true Patricia and I have experienced it first hand – where I feel to say something but there’s a hesitancy of what’s going to happen, will the person reject what I’m about to say or withdraw? That should not matter, what should matter is my impulse (or feeling) to express, because that is what’s being asked for. And when I do express we both have a chance to evolve, expand, arise out of whatever issue we might be stuck in. Our bodies should be used for this, expressing and helping ourselves and others expand our ability to express. Our bodies are not made to hold back, when we do we get all the issues and problems that we then complain about. So the best medicine would be to express truth.
What a totally awesome blog Matts. I feel everything you articulate and to have it explained so tenderly that it is not for us to hold the expression back, it is for humanity really highlights how I hold on to pockets of self so strongly – to move away from the comforts of rejection and a myriad of other reactions and hurts. To feel held in your wisdom that once we start it feels expansive gives me permission to give it more of a go. Thank you Matts.
Yes Gina – let’s knock on those pockets and let them sing us a tune, it sure will be heavenly I’m sure.
I loved re-visiting your blog today Matts and it was the perfect time to do so. I had an occasion over the weekend to share something I felt absolutely needed to be said, and even though I am finding it easier to do so, it’s still a work in progress and I still find myself getting a little nervous beforehand – it’s the old pattern of not wanting to upset anyone. But I expressed how I felt, which didn’t go down too well at the time, but today this person actually thanked me for sharing what I did: they claimed it with such honesty and as a result I could feel our relationship expand. As you say “expressing how we feel is a matter of responsibility”.
Great to hear Ingrid! We got to start somewhere, and as you say it’s a work in progress. Maybe we got to start seeing ourselves as ‘agents of light’ that has a really important message to bring to humanity, maybe that will ease the tension whether to say some things or not.
So true we can measure how we express to one compared to another. It highlights how we can hold an ideal about expressing equally to all, in contrast to a livingness from which our expression naturally flows. In the first case it seems we develop trust in relationship with one and so trust them, but only conditional to having ‘tested the water’ with them, so to speak. So when not tried and tested with another, we do not automatically trust. Yet when we trust in our own essence and our connection to God, then we have no issue with who it is we share truth with, as we know it is not our truth and have no investment as to how it is received.
True Simon, great to watch where we still have needs coming in clouding our flow expressing truthfully.
Every time we hold back , it burrows away inside us, creating dis-harmony and dis-connection, every time we express from the heart, it helps restore balance and harmony to the world and to us.
I agree Chris and learning this day by day now. If I hold back something I’ve felt to express it’s there in my awareness until I let it out.
Well said Chris, the more we express, the more we restore and the less dis-harmony we allow in.
Well said Chris, expression is everything and when done from truth fells expansive
We fear losing people if we are open and express how we’re truly feeling but ironically in that process we don’t seem to mind abandoning ourselves and so the cycle continues until we learn to fill ourselves up with ourself and stop looking to the outside to validate who we are.
What I love about Matts’ blog is that he makes ‘language of Brotherhood’ so everyday and ordinary and not something else that we ‘need to achieve’. It’s more about connecting to ourselves and everything else just naturally flows. There is no secret formula or ‘trick’ and as you say Giselle it is purely us expressing ourselves from our innermost as we go about our daily life. This way each moment of our life can be one of those magical moments that make our lives extraordinary in the most ordinary of ways and instantly make our body feel light and joy-full.
True expression being the language of brotherhood is a wonderful way to look at it, I feel this really sums it up and helps me to go forward being able to express more. My main fear is upsetting people, but if it is true as you say it is not ours to hang on to and may be needed to help evolve others.
‘True expression being the language of brotherhood’, I love this to Kevin. I have the same fear about upsetting people and love how Matts has opened it up to being part of what another needs for there evolution. Realising that we are messengers of truth when we express from love, and how one receives it is their choice to ours to control.
I can so relate to that feeling of awkwardness, or even a bit of embarassment after expressing what I thought to be my true feeling and realising who I was actually expressing myself to. Holding myself back from those who I favour – possible; but what I feel has happened a lot of the time for me was that the way I expressed myself was actually laced with anger or some other emotional charges even though what I was trying to communicate was very honest and true – therefore not loving nor true in its truest sense. I fall for this a lot actually, and I am constantly being reminded that there is a way to express with love.
The ‘language of Brotherhood’ now there’s true communicating, whether it be found in the laundry, down the street, on the bus, inside the home, anywhere, this is the language each and everyone of us has the potential to speak. Thank you Matts my heart hears you loud and clear.
Matts what a great blog highlighting the importance of speaking the truth and not playing games with the ‘ trickster’. There is no greater way than to build honesty in our relationships with others when we speak from the truth that brings others including ourselves to a deeper understanding.
Your sentence is very true and makes it real. – ‘It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.’
I Agree Heidi – Sometimes it seems we’ve got too much room to choose what to say or not to say when the body in the end will show us if we’ve been truthful or not.
Matts this blog is very confirming for me ‘Enough times I’ve done that – holding back from expressing what I feel – and when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine. When I do express on the other hand, it’s such a freedom and my body feels much more spacious and alive.’
I know that sometimes I will hold back if I feel that there may be ‘risk’ in expressing, meaning that I could be rejected. But at the end of the day… the relationship is not truly be honoured if we are not expressing and neither am I. 🙂
Hi Kathryn – I feel that we sometimes avoid ‘sticking our neck out’ because we then have a chance to show people who we really are. And also a chance showing ourselves who we really are. Scary at times? You bet! Worth it? No doubt! The fear we feel is just an illusion for us not claiming ourselves. And it could be as I’ve felt also other people’s fear I feel when I am to express something because it will expose everyone else that is not being truthful, and that might be one or two…
Thanks for your comment Kathryn!
I loved reading your comment Kathryn. It is a joy that is deeply felt when we allow ourselves the freedom to be all that we are and express that each and every moment. It is an amazingly strong feeling when we let ourselves feel the imposition of holding ourselves back from letting others know what we are feeling and that this connection that we have to the divine – for that is what is flowing through us – is not for our keeping and withholding. It is a blessing for us to share with the whole of humanity.
Expression is very different in its approach when it is not about you but what another needs to hear for their own evolution.. and can be very depersonalised when you are just the postman lovingly delivering them a package that on some level they have asked for.
As a man I often hold back saying what needs to be said to another as I’m afraid of being rejected and not liked, I therefore go into pleasing and accommodating behaviours and roles, but is that really helping others? It feels that its actually very selfish for us all hold back from expressing.
Reading your blog for a second time Matts, I really understood what you shared about, when something is there to be shared with another it’s not yours to hold onto, and it’s something that actually needs to be heard to help them see a pattern that’s old and keeps them from evolving. This is true brotherhood and the way we all evolve, but all expressing what is needed to be said in any given moment, and not being afraid of the reaction from another, and not needing the other to receive what we deliver in any way.
I so agree Emma, it will take time and practice to change the habits of a lifetime – and maybe more. We seem to be so entrenched by the ideals and beliefs that have become so familiar. As we open to love and understanding we begin to observe ourselves and see how destructive these patterns have become., As we become more vulnerable and allow ourselves to engage with the world we are then able to deepen our communication both to ourselves and to one another.
I find that when I express how I feel it opens me up to another and allows them in…..and yes, sometimes they may not like what they hear but if we speak truth, more often than not they come back to the table (so to speak) once they’ve had an opportunity to digest what’s been offered. And expressing at the time how we feel prevents resentment building up. I know what it’s like when someone is obviously feeling some level of discomfort or reluctance for whatever reason to say what’s going on for them – and the instant divide this creates.
I know Deborah – isn’t it funny how we can hide away in our bodies by not expressing even though we suffer from when we do that – expressing how we feel feels like a more universal way of communicating – and you know what, recently I’ve felt that since we are all part of a universe then the particles that make up our body must have some form of reference of how it would like to be used, and if we do not treat our bodies with respect, as in expressing what we feel then we feel the effect of that.
Lately I have been realising how favouring someone is not a loving gesture. it has been profound for me to feel this and what I have noticed is that when I favour someone I’m not actually open to receiving them in that moment in full.
Great blog Matts, it’s so true what you share. Mostly people don’t want to be challenged and take it as an attack. It is taking practice to learn how to communicate and express what is needed, at the right time and how to receive the inevitable reaction. I feel it will take some time for us all to develop a true sense of communicating and actually welcome the expression of others if its purpose is to increase awareness and to evolve.
It sure is a practice and when we feel deeper we know what is needed to be said so that what is said is welcomed by the ones receiving it, therefore leaving little room for reaction. We actually love hearing the truth, we just got it claim it and not allow thoughts to come in to cloud it.
I know very well how it feels not expressing what is already formed as words on my tongue. It’s almost out but I hold it back because of the fear not to be liked anymore. But the distance which is created by those unspoken things is more painful than a possible rejection. Once said it can be cleared- never outspoken it can be a lifelong hindrance for a possibly close relationship.
‘…that what I feel isn’t for me to hold on to, but for someone else who has asked for it’. That is so true Matts. We keep the other away from evolution if we don’t express. Also I noticed I express more to my ‘ close ‘ friends then to people I don’t know that well. I stopped that, now I have more an equal same expression to all in which it is natural I said some things to one and not to the other because there is no need to do so. We don’t need to hear all the same. Our body carries the wisdom what to express and to listen to that makes it come from the heart so the other person can hear it too.
Thank you Matts this is a great blog, a great reminder that the impulse to express can simply be honoured without using the mind to weigh the costs and benefits, for the expression is not as you say, ours to hold onto. It is also a great reminder that the body is the true indicator of the healing or harm that may result from expressing or holding back, the mind can only guess but the body knows.
Thank you Matts, what a prevalent question.
I really liked how you wrote about us all re-developing a way of communicating, expressing and living that is communal, that is for the true good of all- and to speak our truth no matter what- to correct what is not true. Deeply inspired I am. It was a great moment of reflection- do we change our expression of truth around others? And therefore do we change who we are around others?
What you have written here Matts is so true and wise;
“What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working”
How awesome it would be to come together as one; lets keep working on it to make it happen!!
I agree Shirl – it was such a joy to read Matts words this morning – and to engage with that language of brotherhood that allows us to feel deeply within that we are one. To feel that depth of connection is like a true coming home – a return to what we have always felt was true and glorious.
I have realised that choosing the comfortable option when expressing isn’t really that comfortable – on the contrary. The feeling that remains in my body from not sharing the truth feels is very unpleasant, painful and very uncomfortable. A powerful marker that I have made the situation about me and not about truth. I now recognise how harming it is for not only myself but also for another when I do hold back what is needed to be shared and as you have beautifully said – ‘if I hold back from expressing what I feel, I’m actually keeping them from evolving from something they might have already felt deep down is not true.’ This is a powerful blog and was truly beautiful to read again – thank you Matts.
Absolutely love this, Matts. Reflecting on it, for me expression is all about truth. It’s a choice to either express truth or keep it in my body – which always feels hideous. The relief once I’ve expressed – regardless of the reaction from another – is just truly liberating and I feel clear and unburdened. So for me, Truth is ‘a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel’. Because deep down as you say, the heart knows truth, even if the mind is playing other games with us to keep us from it. We can only be responsible for truth, never for another’s reaction to it.
A great point Matts, that if we all expressed in a way that was not only for the “ears to hear” but also the “heart to feel”, what a difference it would make in the world? We would honour each others sensitivity all the time and realise how deeply connected we all truly are – both from the intention behind the words and even deeper from the energy where that intention is coming from.
I love the feeling of honouring ‘each others sensitivity all the time’ as this allows us to not only feel and connect to our own sensitivity but to also become aware of how stupendously sensitive the whole universe is and how it also responds. The more we respond to life in a way that honours each little detail of each passing moment the more we can explore and expand not only our universe but the greater universe that responds on a greater and grander scale.
Wow Matts, seriously, you have given me a whole new perspective on the responsibility of expression. I’ve been making it all about me, me, me and trying not to upset another coming from me not feeling I can trust my reaction to another’s possible reaction when it’s actually about what we need to be sharing as a support for each of us to evolve and move on. I feel this will help me feel less scared about saying what’s given to me to express (lovingly) given this new understanding that it may be what another needs to hear, without judging it or editing it I’ve never understood it so clearly until now. Thank you Matts!
Yes I agree Deborah, Matts has a beautiful way of putting it using this everyday situation as an example of our responsibility and how often we hold back and censor what is there to be said – because we favour one person over another. A great blog, I find to keep reading, as a reminder that expression is not about me.
That’s great what you say, Deborah – and I know that now that I have the awareness I am often catching myself doing the same – that is becoming ‘involved’ by ‘making it all about me’. It is so beautiful once I have the awareness to be able to observe and to see the full impact of the game of avoidance that I play with life, and how I am able to change this in an instant. It feels so much more empowering to be able to humbly express these words and to realise that I am just a very small, but important part of a much bigger and grander scheme.
‘It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.’ I love your article Matts. It deepens my awareness of the importance of always expressing the truth the way I feel it.
Thanks Matts for your sharing. Your situation and not holding back what needed to be said is an inspiration to me. I realised that I have often held back what ought to be said because of who it was I needed to express to. I can see that it is not being truly honest if I do not express what needs to be said just to protect the other person, also the relationship itself suffers by withholding what needs to be said and therefore resentment could build up between us and affect the friendship.
Thanks Matts, a great article, much of what you wrote stopped me to feel deeply where I still hold back from expressing that which is given to me to express. The responsibility we have to speak is so evident in the following sentence. “Sometimes, someone might be stuck in a pattern and might need to hear something to be shaken out of it, and if I hold back from expressing what I feel, I’m actually keeping them from evolving from something they might have already felt deep down is not true.” If we express that which comes to us and speak without judgement of ourselves or the other then true healing can occur.
Matts your comment about whatever is unexpressed is left in the body jumped out at me. You are right, what is felt to be expressed is not ours, and then when it is not expressed, it stagnates and is poison in our body. This is also all being communicated by our heart if we are truly listening.
So true Vicky, thank you for sharing how debilitating it can be to hold on to expression. Truly expressing that which is felt is a healing all round but equally a stagnation for all if unexpressed.
‘when it is not expressed, it stagnates and is poison in our body’. That makes a lot of sense, thank you for pointing that out Vicky.
How poignantly and clearly you point out the harm that we are inflicting on our body when we hold back and do not express what is not ours. As you so powerfully say Vicky it does stagnate and poison our body and undermines our self esteem. As we feel ourselves becoming less, this then can turn into a very abusive and self defeating cycle where no one wins as we inflict a greater harm on society as a whole. Not claiming ourselves fully can seem like a small omission when we only see the world from our own perspective – but the impact is far greater than we are choosing to see.
Yes Vicky this is so true. The stagnation feels horrible and in the end simply signals the need to fully express.
“It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.”
This statement above really brings clarity and simplicity to our choice to choose to express what has been felt. It removes any room for thoughts that take us away from sharing and makes it simple because it clearly shows what we feel to share is not about ourselves but for another, So it is easy to let self sit on the bench.
This is such an honest and inspiring blog Matts. “It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.” This is so true, and we do then make it about ourselves not wanting to disturb the ‘uncomfortable’ comfort. When I /we do express honestly and fully we usually don’t get the response we fear either, it can be the most refreshing expansion when we are willing to be honest and open with each other in any situation and it evolves the relationship to a truer more fulfilling one. I am also learning not to have an expectation or attachment to what comes back.
That is my experience also Victoria that when I just express what is there to be expressed it seems to be received very well.
What an awesome blog, thank you Matts. I can so relate to what you’ve shared. I too would have had the same thought if I was in your shoes when your neighbor read the note. I can say that I definitely hold back on expressing the truth when I feel I may be rejected. I have done this most of my life, in fear of being disliked I hold back expressing. When I feel to express the truth yet choose not to, it stays with me, in my body and it feels heavy, dense and yucky. Sometime when I can no longer bear that feeling, I pluck up the courage to express it and from that I can then feel the expansion and lightness again in my body. It is incredible to expose how much I hold onto by simply not expressing the truth, it affects me and the other person too. When we lovingly express from our heart with no vested interest it is such a healing experience for all. I am learning to express truth and to be more aware. Learning to catch myself holding back, to pause, give myself a moment and allow myself to choose not to stay silent but to express what I feel. Your blog is an awesome reminder for me to express to everyone equally on the same level.
Thanks Chan – it makes what is there to be said no one’s property, which could make it easier for us to express something we feel. Usually we think that what goes on within me is mine and originates from me but that might not always be the case. What arises for me to say might have another final destination, meaning what I feel to say is for someone else to hear. In a way it also proves that we are not as individual as we think but part of a bigger collective.
Beautifully said Matts and it is so true. When we choose to express from a perspective of being attached to what we express and making it about ourselves then it is so easy to hold back. But understanding if we choose to express truth is never about ourselves but about everyone, the ‘bigger collective’ it then feels completely different, it feels deeply loving, honest and evolving in every way.
That’s very powerful, what you are sharing Matts. I realize again, how much I was holding back in the past and how much I sometimes pleased other people. Thanks for your reminder how important it is, to express always the truth, i.e. everything what I or we have felt in my body.
I know Alexander – it feels very humbling and honest to share what one feels. It leaves the bode at rest.
I can relate so much to this blog and the comments are very helpful. I am finding that the more I express at home and practice with people who are open to hearing what I have to say, even the slightest thing left unsaid feels awful to carry around. Then there became a point where I was no longer willing to accept how someone was essentially abusing me by the way they spoke to me and now this is starting to go with me during my day at work.
Great to hear Julie – I think people doesn’t talk abusive to be mean, they just don’t know any other way. That’s why it’s so helpful and healing for many to hear someone be open and honest with how they feel.
I have still so much to learn on expressing. The biggest learning I got when I didn’t express and acted on what I felt, was that it resulted in the downfall of a potentially very beautiful company I owned. That was a big fat sign in the fact that I have to express.
That sure is ‘one big fat sign’ Willem. I think we all have made choices to not express or act on what we felt is true to us. The beautiful thing is that we always have new opportunities to start again, from wherever we stand.
Awesome comments, beautifully said. I too have so much to learn and to practice expressing truth. I often beat myself up for not expressing and feeling I have missed a great opportunity but like you said Matts, it comes around again and again for us to correct that or until we learn to choose what is true once again.
Matts, communicating with people is a situation that presents with all of us time and time again. How we handle these situations and how we choose to express this or not leaves all sorts of outcomes. Some comfortable and others not. Some received with understanding and others with hostility…..You have provided a very vital clue when you said “language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel ” How you say things is important as apposed to what you say. The intent behind the words.
I agree, sometimes you don’t even have to say anything because you can already feel what is being communicated with the other person.
So beautiful to read your comment, Concetta. I so agree that intention is so important – I know I often feel the words that I used were OK but that there was a hidden agenda that comes out in the tone of my voice or the value I can put on a particular word.
‘What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working’ – the truth of what you say here can really be felt in the heart, Matts. When we are truly connected to our inner heart we just know and express from there – it is only when we disconnect from the divine essence of our truth that we begin to doubt and begin to use the mind as a substitute for truly feeling. When we connect to our heart and express we allow the other person access to our divine connection and in that we unite and become as one.
Expressing in the way Matts is talking about is sometimes like diving into an opaque pool of unknown substance, knowing you have to do it but having no idea what the experience will be. It can be surprising sometimes to find that not only are you alive after diving in, but that it actually feels good …
Wow Matts how judgement gets in the way. I was particularly touched by the end of your sharing. It seems your note and expression was not amazingly received by the person. This in itself was a perfect reflection to me, of how we are here to say what needs to be said regardless of others reactions.
I agree Joseph, the wonderful woman got it even though she didn’t applaud me. I think she felt that I didn’t judge her and I wasn’t angry with her either, I was just honest and her response can very much reflect the feeling of ‘being caught’, and that is totally understandable. Important though as you say to not go into doubt whether it was the right thing or not to say just because the message wasn’t welcomed with open arms. Takes a bit of self love there to stand up for and behind what we express.
Reading both your comments Joseph and Matts, exposes how much I was and may still be in fear of other people’s reactions when I express truth. I would feel totally responsible for stirring them up and for the hurt they are experiencing. I get totally drained and avoid situations like this because I tend to absorb issues or emotions that are not mine. I also go into sympathy and I would most likely apologies for causing them to react. It’s crazy but it has worked so well in keeping me silent and I realized that it is such an unloving way to be. It doesn’t serve me or the other person because this just covers things up and essentially not allowing myself or the other person the opportunity to deal with stuff that is holding us back. I love this part: ‘Takes a bit of self-love there to stand up for and behind what we express.’. So true!
Wow this blog allows all to really feel the power of expressing what is there and not holding back… Thank you for this amazingly clear expression and all the comments.. I’ve just started to notice & feel the damage to myself and humanity that happens when I hold back!.. Quite often I can feel a clear impulse to say how I feel but hold back for fear of creating waves in the relationship, other times it’s like a stunned feeling then the reaction comes and the mind kicks in and at that point truth is lost… Thank you again Matts for lighting ‘The Way’…
When we can feel there’s something needed to be expressed then that is a pretty good place to start, even though some might find it a bit challenging to actually deliver it. At least we can feel it. The worst thing is when we cannot even feel there’s something needed to be expressed and we think that everything is ok when it’s not. Being honest is a great way to give that expression a gentle kick in the bum to get over the threshold and out into the open air.
Yes, Matts – for so long I chose to not feel what was wrong which in itself is a paradox as we do feel it and then just push it down to be dealt with later. Life’s natural laws are always at work and things will always come back to re-visit us. This is not a perversity of life but the most wonderful opportunity to change the way we have been living. Being truly honest is exposing but also deeply healing as it allows us the opportunity to embrace life fully and not just exist in a way that is so limiting and ‘soul destroying’.
Great blog Matt, it is so important that we connect to what we really feel in situations and express from the heart, thank you for speaking up about it with your own experience.
I agree Lisa, I’ve read your comment before and it was just now that I felt what you are actually saying, funny because that is what you are saying. Feeling is paramount but I find it easy to slip into autopilot and just view the world with my eyes and not from how things actually feel. Lazy you could say and I agree but I’m on it and having fun makes it seem much more relevant so that’s the medicine I will prescribe to myself. Will get back on how things proceed… Thanks again for the inspiration Lisa!
Yes it’s really to spot those little programs still running in our minds saying that you shouldn’t say this or that. A little nag is all it takes to doubt and the opportunity might be gone.
I feel its so important to express how we feel and not hold back with everyone equally no matter whether we like them or not. I’m not saying I have mastered this by any means but it definitely something to work towards.
My feeling is that when we express something to someone we actually like them even if we might think we don’t… does that make sense? Because when we express we’ve felt that something needs to be restored to some form of equilibrium or perhaps even harmony.
So lovely to come back to your blog Matts, and to the reminder as to the utmost importance of expression. I particularly related to what you shared as to how it feels in your body when you hold back from saying something: “when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine.” For me, if feels like an unwanted weight, a frustration and a missed opportunity, whereas when I do say what needs to be said, the feeling is so very different: one of lightness and space in my body, and the realisation, that in the end, once I get out of my own way, it is actually very simple to do.
I know Ingrid, it feels important to keep the flow happening and the portal open and not get stuck into evaluating whether it needs to pass or not. If what’s being delivered through is of bad quality then we need to check what supplier we have for the goods coming through…
This is great point as it is the quality of how we express that can be expansive and offer something … or not. Otherwise expression without awareness of the quality can be a dumping and very harmful. Checking the supplier is key… I love that.
“What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.” love this sentence Matts, there are so many things in this life that are not working and yet we accept it even though we know deep down that they are not right. The mind will say, ‘don’t make waves, keep the status quo’ but the heart knows how harming this is, the held back words are stuck in the body with nowhere to go. I have found that when people point something out to me and I don’t like it I have a choice to listen to what the person has to say or reject it, but if it is left unsaid then there is no possibility for change.
Expressing in this way is work in progress for me Matts too, however I know what it feels like to get home and realise that I have been walking around all day with a label in my clothes hanging out. Why didn’t anyone say, they must have seen, don’t they care? I wouldn’t take it as criticism.
Just wondering what it would look like if all the things we didn’t express got marked on our outfit as a little label…
Beautiful Matts!I like how you bring it back to the other person:It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.
You realized what a great impact your expressing has and that everyone is blessed to hear what you see and feel, no matter, if it is convenient or not.
That is a very lovely reminder Steffi – Thank you…
Thank you Steffi for reminding me of those words – it reminds me to not hold back. So often in the past I have chosen to not express because it ‘didn’t feel the right time’ – and now I am living with the impact of holding back both on myself and the other person. Speaking our truth can so often open up a dialogue that releases all the tension that we hold within when we do not express who we truly are.
Beautifully said Steffi! And this is backing what Matt shared – that the moment we make it about self we no longer express what truly needs to be said on a level of overview for the all. The awareness of the impact is immensely changing the way we express – when we are aware.
I love what you shared here Matt “holding back from expressing what I feel – and when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine” i can relate to this. It reflects to me that our body is a vehicle of expression and that when we don’t express, our body is in a state of discomfort even, because when it is built to express we just need to do so.
Just like standing at the traffic lights – when the light goes green it’s time to go. Stand still and you’ll get lots of signals telling you it’s time to move on.
Great example Matts, it is so true, there are plenty of signals, honks and horns from the body if we don’t heed its impulses.
Matt, I love how you have exposed that speaking our truth is as equally about us as the other person that we are expressing to and that they may be missing out on a valuable learning by our holding back. This is a bit of a wow moment and shows an aspect of brotherhood that I had not considered.
I had a similar learning recently. I arrived where I was to stay for a few nights with quite a bit of luggage to unload and there was a car blocking the access preventing me being able to drive the car up to the door to unload. I felt an instant irritation but as soon as I realized who it was in the other car and it was a friend of mine I let go of the irritation and just parked around the corner and walked to the door content to wait until they had finished loading their car and moved on. This was a great lesson in treating everyone equally and that it makes no difference who the car belonged it is just another person.
So true Mary, another setting but similar content. Somehow it seems easier to not show ‘strangers’ the same patience and understanding we have with those we say we ‘love’ or favour. Great example Mary.
Thank you so much Mary for your comment – it has brought to my attention that I sometimes re-act in this way, and I can feel the discomfort, ouch! It feels so healing as we learn to listen to our body and to be able to see the truth and accept it unreservedly rather than fighting what we feel and using the critical blame game. We are so blessed to have these blessings from God in every moment of the day so that we have the opportunity to change and make different choices. God is magnanimous in his love.
Hi Matts, it was quite relevant for me today to choose to read your blog and especially the few words that sang to me this morning were “….that it is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel…” in regards to expressing. I am finding these words reverberating in my ears and felt in my body for me to be in a deeper awareness of at this time. Thank you for your beautifully expressive article, I really did enjoy reading it.
Thanks Roberta, and I love to see all the comments that’s been made. It’s like the blog was just a starter then it’s growing and growing with all of us commenting and reflecting from our own experiences. Really beautiful.
It is indeed developing a true sense of communicating for both the one who expresses as the one receiving. We have and still do express via the head and listen with our ears. It takes some practice to express from the heart and receive the expression from the heart as well. But it is so worth it as you show with your laundry experience.
This article is so real it gives me chills. It made me stop and realise how real I am , and how have I been expressing myself to others. I can feel that I have held back actually pretty much almost all of the time of what I really felt to say. Like you share Matts, all just for self, not communicating and being aware that this communication is for everyone not just for me. Boem – so true and I love how you express this so honestly and straight forward. Cool.
I can feel the truth of what you say Danna as I have done precisely this – held back ‘pretty much almost all of the time of what I really felt to say’. When all is for self I have no perspective on life and the effect my expression has on those around me – once I let go of self I connect to humanity naturally and openly and by expressing in this way I become part of the all. In this way we have a sense of equality and unity and life flows with the natural rhythm that is part of us all. We become ‘One Unified’ as expressed in the song by Michael Benhayon in his album ‘Our Everlasting Love’.
I agree Matts. Sometimes it’s better to get yourself, your thoughts and feelings out in the open. It feels so freeing to do that and to just get our feelings out there, feels so much better afterwards rather than holding them in. I mean… What’s the worst that could happen. ???
Great question – What’s the worst thing that could happen? I’d say we get to show people our true selves which can feel very very raw and naked, no fences or protections, but it’s very very freeing. I’m not there yet but I’m making pretty good progresses. I’m the one that hated to blush, now realising that it’s just me in the process of being more of myself and the body adjusting. The blushing is me standing on the threshold with the choice to say yes or no. No makes it worse, yes eradicates the blushing because I’m not using the body to hold back the light that is within me ready to shine out.
Matts a great article that brings up much reflection for me. I know from experience that I need to be honest about my motivation for bringing something up with another or equally why am I not bringing something up with another ? Is there emotion in my body ? Do I have an agenda ? Is it something that I have been dwelling on ? All these things alert me to the fact that what is going on isn’t clean and I am making it about me. If however I feel an impulse from my body, if there is no real thinking involved, if there is no emotion in my body then I know that what I am about to share is for the good of us both and that when I do there will be a shared feeling of expansion.
Not always that easy to achieve that but of course something to strive for. When we are in that state where we just don’t seem to be able to rid ourselves from an emotional attachment, as in a grudge towards someone, it can be very helpful to say for example that we feel angry with them or that we have thoughts that we cannot seem to get rid of. It’s very empowering to do this because we then know that we are not this emotional character but much much more. Emotions are so deceptive and takes us away from who we truly are.
As you say Matts it’s not so easy to achieve a total sense of clarity when your body has been affected by an emotion. Until we have let go of reaction it feels challenging to have that clarity. Emotion is very powerful and can so easily divert us from feeling our truth. If I feel it’s imperative for me to say something, I quite often know that I have an agenda – and that I need to allow myself to re-connect before I can feel what might be the appropriate action.
Loved re-reading this Matts, it is so relevant as being liked and holding back expression is huge for me and I have noticed for many many others! The need to be liked is very manipulative and not very open or loving! When we express with an understanding that everyone is a son of god and life is about truth and about not right or wrong, then the loving expression of that can only ever be of service.
And also when you say “When we express with an understanding that everyone is a son of god and life is about truth and about not right or wrong…” it’s easier to connect to the importance of expressing and by that helping people to connect to the knowing that life is about returning to something we separated from.
No one wishes to be unaware or ‘unawakened’ to the importance of expressing but like you say we’ve been pretty moulded from young to not express. So if no one wishes this there has to be some form of ideal hanging out there that we need to pinpoint and say this we don’t want. And by expressing from what we feel we stay away from feeding thoughts from and to this ideal and slowly it’ll fade away. But again, as you say, it’s us that has to make the choice to not express from it, because when we do we only make the ideal grow bigger and more deceitful.
Matts this question is so apt and I have found myself here many a times: “Do I hold back expressing what I feel is the truth to people I happen to favour?”. What I got from this was how measured we like to be with people in how far we are prepared to be love or loving with them, …and yet when we don’t speak up, we are only limiting the mass of available love, and another’s ability to feel and experience this, which surely is everyone’s right? So in essence by choosing how much, we become a controller of love, and not its true custodian as we might like to think. Hmm.
There’s more than one gentle wake up calling in what you write Zofia. We hold back love and we also hesitate stepping into it when we hold back expressing what is there to be expressed. We should be inspired by the mail man/woman who just deliver the mail without questioning whether the recipient should get their mail or not. It’s already been sent and our job is to deliver it.
This analogy of holding back the mail that’s already been sent it so clear – I know I would not hold back on delivering a piece of mail so why would I hold back on delivering the truth. Your comment really clarifies our responsibility to deliver all mail and to not be selective and manipulative. We often don’t like to face the discomfort and consequences of delivering the mail, and with this there creeps in an arrogance that we know better.
Even though I agree both with myself and you Susan we cannot deny the fact that most of us have difficulties in being really truthful both with ourselves and with others. And I’d like to ask why? Have we been suppressing our innermost truth for such a long time that it’s now vibrating on a cellular level? Because somehow that resistance has to come from somewhere. I do however experience that when I make the choice to be truthful then it seems easier to be truthful, as if I am helped in some way. And the same goes the other way, if I resist expressing what I feel is true then life seems pretty uphill. I’m not claiming to be an expert but there seems to be more at play than just saying yes or no. Like if there was some hidden force not wanting us to be truthful.