A few weeks ago I had my scheduled laundry time. I live in an apartment and share laundry facilities so we have to pre-book this time. So early that morning it was finally my turn and I had from seven to twelve to make it happen… Everything was going as planned until I noticed that someone had sneaked in to put their laundry in a machine I wasn’t using at the time.
First I was quite cool with it, but then I felt it wasn’t all ok, so I decided to leave a little note – loving enough but firm. I felt confident to bring the truth of what I felt – not rock solid – but strong enough.
Then I saw through the window that it was my neighbour just across and I felt a bit like “Oh no, but I really like that person” – and that made me realise something very important…
Do I hold back expressing what I feel is the truth to people I happen to favour?
And if so, why is that? Is there a fear of losing them if I express how I truly feel? Is there a fear of being rejected? Maybe it’s more comfortable to express when it feels ‘safe’ and I have nothing to lose, so to speak. But that doesn’t really feel like an honest approach when it comes to relationships between people, and it doesn’t feel like an honest approach to life.
Furthermore, it brought to me an understanding that expanded the meaning and importance of expression…
It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.
And all of this, what I experienced this morning, brings to me a bigger understanding of life and our true purpose. It also showed me a more whole way of being with others, as I realise that what I feel isn’t for me to hold on to, but for someone else who has asked for it.
Sometimes, someone might be stuck in a pattern and might need to hear something to be shaken out of it, and if I hold back from expressing what I feel, I’m actually keeping them from evolving from something they might have already felt deep down is not true.
It also exposed that I make it about me when I question whether I should express or not.
So in my case, what happened this morning was a great opportunity to explore what it’s like to express when I feel the impulse to, and not hold back.
Enough times I’ve done that – holding back from expressing what I feel – and when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine. When I do express on the other hand, it’s such a freedom and my body feels much more spacious and alive.
Even if I allowed what I felt to be expressed this morning I realise that it will take some time to get used to it. I can admit there were doubts as to whether I should say it or not but this time I kept with the feeling and stood by it.
My fellow mate in the washing room seemed a bit reluctant in taking in what I shared with her though. I realise that it will take some time for us all to develop a true sense of communicating, since we basically communicate with a measured level of comfort to not have things come up that might be there to address.
What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.
So when the silent asking is there next time I’ll do my best to stick with it because it’s worth it!
Deeply inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Matts Josefsson, Säter, Sweden
897 Comments
We forget that when we are impulsed to share something it is because it is actually being called for. If we listen and reply from the heart how can we go wrong? But this fear of getting it ‘wrong’ in some way can block us from our true expression. Letting go of this can take a while but every true expression is a step on the path.
I agree, lets try to get it wrong every now and then rather than trying getting it right. Maybe that will change things around.
I love your remark that this is ‘a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel’. So very wise. I suspect this is precisely why it is difficult to hear because it feels so different to everyday conversation. It’s one of those moments when the listeners’ face contorts slightly whilst they process what they are hearing…and of course feeling. Great sharing Matts, thank you.
It’s a great point that you raise here Matts, an honestly so… that we be more invested in being approved of and accepted by another, than being truthful. And what then, the actual quality of such relationships?
We live in a world where so much of the way we relate to each other is driven by personal need – and so miss out on the grandness of connection that is actually possible.
I agree we do cling on to needs which are connected to hurts we carry and we curse those that expose our hurts even though the hurts are what stops us from living a life filled with all the love we want to have. So the ones that are triggering us the most are really those we should cherish the most, not throw stones at.
I spent my life avoiding expressing what I feel, it was the worst thing I could have done for myself. Today each moment or situation where I express my feelings on a situation the deeper the love i build for myself. It has a far bigger effect than just for me as it inspires others to also speak their truth, something very few have felt we can do.
And that is the trick we all fall for, the fear of what will happen when we express.
A beautiful reminder that we are all equal and if we express our truth it is an equal truth for all.
The more we learn to trust ourselves and not remain silent when we really ought to speak the more we are giving another person the opportunity to learn, grow and therefore evolve. Humanity’s purpose is to evolve and not remain stuck in the comfort of not challenging each other when things are not right.
Elizabeth you are so spot on. Right now I’m in a situation where I’ve been given the opportunity to express more of what I know is true and it’s exactly as you say. It’s for everyone involved to grow and get out of old patterns that is keeping them from being their full selves. So true evolution you could say is being accessed through feeling more and more.
‘It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.’ Very true Matts, when we know we should express it is an opportunity and to hold back truth offers nothing , in fact more than nothing in it’s lack and repression of activity.
Yesterday I was with a group of people, and kept having things come to me to say. But I held them back and waited till someone else spoke up ‘just to be sure’. I started to see just how much self-doubt was affecting me. What if I am ‘wrong’ or ‘say a bad thing’? But as the day developed I could simply see how much holding back these feelings was hurting me, perpetuating a state of ‘I might be wrong’ and holding back everyone else who I was working with. So to read your words this morning Matts is a great and simple reminder – don’t hold back. Don’t second guess, it’s not our job to do that, all we are here to do is share how we feel, not get a ‘good score’ like we are at school.
So true Joseph – we could see ourselves as co workers of a greater plan and we all have a role to play.
And Joseph how dreadful it feels in our bodies when we hold back, and to the contrary how amazing it feels when we do express. It’s like our body expands and gets bigger.
I know what it feels like to hold back my expression Matts; however, as you so correctly point out, it is a matter of responsibility. Over time, and with practice, I am deepening my level of responsibility and expressing more of what I feel and know to be true. I must say an awesome process of learning and self discovery.
I can feel how I can do the same- measure what I expressed based on who I am with. Sometimes if I don’t like a pattern I see in someone I will hold them out and not give them much and then with other people I will be much more open.
Another big point, how much of ourselves are we willing to expressing when we are just with ourselves? We can measure how much of ourselves we are willing to be, food is the one big thing I use to measure myself when I feel I’m getting too glorious. Crazy I know but true.
Ever since I first read this blog nearly two years ago it has been a marker for me if I find myself holding back my expression from someone in any way. It is a constant reminder that by holding back I am not only harming myself but there is a probability that I am holding back something from the other person that they are needing to hear, but of course once they hear it, it is up to them as to what they do next. Responsibility with no expectations!
Hi Ingrid – as I wrote in the reply below I feel that where we need to start is with ourselves. How willing are we to be truthful to what we feel? If we are open and honour what we feel then it’s a piece of ease to express that to another, it just spills over, truth that is. So it all starts with ourselves.
Giving ourselves permission to express is like taking a spoon full of medicine.
And taking a double dose here is allowed.
Super common Matts, if not very very ‘normal’, in the sense that the majority of the world operates like this. Thank you for bringing it to our attention, because it’s not always obvious just how much we live in measured relationships.
Yeah if I don’t say what I feel, even to myself – it goes round and round in my head or stays in my body. I’ve noticed that when I take responsibility for not speaking up, saying what needed to be said or reacting then it goes away.
I know I’ve felt that as well. It’s like we are taps for something else to pour through. Like when you open an tap to fill up a glass of water. What if the tap went like, “hmm, I’m not sure if I’m willing to open up right now, let me think about it”. Wouldn’t be very popular.
Recently I am becoming aware not necessarily at the time but afterwards in how I hold back from expressing especially within my family. I am afraid of them getting hurt and reacting to me but I can also see that I too am afraid of getting hurt hence the reason I choose to stay in my comfort and not rock the boat. In the past on occasions I have spoken up but most of the time it was done in reaction. I am coming to realise more and more the importance of building a foundation of love for myself and making this a priority as when I feel the love within and know who I am, it is impossible to react and I speak with love.
I like your point here Matts about trusting when you feel to express something and feel the quality that it comes in from within you, without calibrating to the outer feelings like “I like that person” for if it is true then it is true to express it and to trust that impulse. I do also have to watch that I express it in the love that it came, for if I screen it by “walking on eggshells” by filtering it through my thoughts “is it ok to say this?” then the love will be lost and likely a reaction will occur to that lovelessness I brought.
Yes we need to not hold back. That is why the world is as it is because we want to please others. It’s good to spice it up with speaking the truth. And I love doing that. I’m not perfect in this regard and I’m always learning. Just writing this comment gave me lots of insights of how important it is to not plateau and think that I’ve done my bit so now I can rest. No, the truth will always invite you to express more when you say yes, it never rests.
I can’t imagine there would be many people on our planet who have not experienced holding back to ‘save’ a relationship. I sure have. So fearful that I might say something that will upset them, I hold it in, and later that turns to resentment. I’m less attached to what might happen these days and do my best to express how I feel no matter what the reaction might be. I find a lot of people actually respond well to it and it gives them space to do the same.
I have the same experience. Also what to remember is that this process never ends. When we have opened up to express more then the next package will come around the corner, the next opportunity to express even more and after that the next and so on.
This is a very interesting subject, when to express or not and what to say/ Refraining from expressing in reaction is a big one and then after that somehow having our body and mind together in what we express, so we come from the heart, the deepest part of us we can, to speak the truth with love. I sometimes have to consciously connect to myself at a deeper level before I can respond to something.
“Do I hold back expressing what I feel is the truth to people I happen to favour?” – this is a great question. My experience is that when we hold back our expression f someone is in a position of power, if we favour them, if we have a sort of hidden agenda… we are promoting abuse.
I am coming to realise that when I do express with love and not judgement others often very much appreciate it, some don’t but it does allow the relationships to go to a much deeper truth.
Matts this is a great sharing, we so often measure how much we are prepared to express to another because we have already measured what their reaction is going to be, we hold back from expressing in full.
Yes attachment is a killer, attachment to an outcome…
This reveals how much we feel and do know and not willing to step out of our own comfort zone.
Reading your blog again Matts is a great reminder to express how we feel no matter where or who we are expressing to. I tend to hold back expressing truth in the past in case people don’t like what I have to say but this doesn’t support anyone but creates a lot of tension in my body. To express truth no matter what leaves us feeling expansive, light and empowered. No matter what we receive back, expressing truth is always so worth it, when we stay connected and without judgment or a need to be heard. It supports us to evolve by Just simply expressing truth freely.
Yes, our calculations of what we say and who we express to is deeply harmful because it withholds truth.
And it also keeps the separation up that says we are different. I feel that when we truly say what we feel it brings people closer to each other.
“Do I hold back expressing what I feel is the truth to people I happen to favour?” what a great question and for me it also brings up the question of do I hold back expressing to people the truth if I want something from them? What I’ve come to learn again recently, I say that because its not the first time, is that if I hold back it creates the opportunity for disharmony later on, things can be misunderstood and truth goes out the window. When I claim back and express my truth there is a lot more certainty for everyone invovled.
A great reminder whether there is a need there or not. If so we can bend the situation to fit our need but we will pay for it later on.
A great scenario to share Matts, and yes, ‘It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.’ How frequently we can still sneakily judge ourselves and what we express, I now make my focus more about expressing with love.
To be clear and spacious in our body means not holding on to anything and expressing is a vital part of this. I agree Matts, it is really not our call if there is something needed to be expressed as it is just as much about each other and getting out of the way to allow what is called for to come through. Living this consistently means living not in self and needing people to like us and holding back our expression with them. Serge Benhayon has been an exemplary role model in this way.
when we start to feel the energetic consequences of our expression or our lack of expression, we cannot help but see the awesome responsibility that we have, and also the liberating results of embracing this awareness.
Life is continuously asking us to become more and to evolve. Adhering to this pull to expand can only be done through giving expression to the growing awareness that we are part of a grander whole, the universe, the divine and that we are the vehicles to give expression to that love that is so abundantly available for all. Therefore we are asked to express and say or write that what is needed to be expressed and will be for all a continuous learning as most of us have walked away from this way of living long time ago and have forgotten how to be in that space of love.
“What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.” This is to be appreciated, when we feel strongly to express, its not just for us to receive but for a deepening of our reflection for another to feel and possibly evolve.
To come to the knowing that when we hold back from expressing to another, just in case we upset them, we are actually not only hurting ourselves, but them as well, was a big wake up call for me, especially as I regularly held back from expressing the truth for that very reason. Nowadays I feel the responsibility that I have to express the truth, no matter what the reaction or response, and even though at times my voice and my body may be a little shaky when I do so, once I have finished I can feel in my body, and theirs, that it was the most caring thing I could have done for both of us.
I’ve had that as well Ingrid, the body shaking. Could be us being weary of stepping into our role and sort of leaving the body half vacated but it can also be that the body is recalibrating itself to enhouse more of ourselves as we claim our truth.
So many deeply insightful and honest awarenesses in this blog Matts. Your level of self-honesty has ripple effects across the universe – what we feel to say is not ours – this is a jewel to be held close and remembered always.
The responsibility that goes with expressing what we feel can often leave us isolated from situation as we raise the questions or comments that no one wants to hear. With responsibility comes the importance of speaking truth that is not from reaction but one that calls on another with deep respect to ponder on life from a different angle. There is so much to learn from the receiver and the giver.
“What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.” Most beautifully said Matts, the language of the heart that unites us all and lets us wake up from the slumber we have been in allowing us to see that there is so much more to life than what we are currently living.
It’s interesting that you feel when you don’t express there is something left in your body that does not belong to you, and when you do express it leaves and the body feels spacious and alive. I also appreciated the connection you made to true expression and brotherhood, this really makes sense, as expression is key to how we evolve together.
“It also exposed that I make it about me when I question whether I should express or not.” So true Matts. When we hold back from expressing what we feel we are avoiding the truth of what we feel and we miss out on feeling the truth of our own expression.
And we miss out on love – if I wouldn’t measure what I say and how to be then I would naturally just be love, and that can sometimes freak me out even though that is what I truly want. It’s a work in progress.
Thanks Matts for sharing this little incidence, that held such a great message. These little things in life can reflect to us where we stand – for me it is a question of self-worth, do I matter enough to make my point, take up the space and communicate what does not feel right to me?
There is an interesting point made in this article that we express more freely with those that we might not be as invested in, people that are not our friends or family. Its always harder to say the truth to those that you hope will like you back, it takes commitment and bravery, if you are able, then you offer evolution in that relationship
Sometimes I have the idea that I turn further away from someone when I express what I truly feel but it’s not true. We actually become closer. What I come further away from is the fake agreement we have on how truthful we can be with each other.
I love what you’ve shared Matts, I am quite familiar with what you describe regarding holding back, and feeling what is unexpressed stuck in your body… and then the freedom and expansiveness in the body when you express in full. I have a feeling of l’m ‘all done’ when l’ve expressed something fully, and if there isn’t that feeling, then I have not. Doing this is most definitely good medicine!
Expression is gold and what we bring with each expression within our everyday is pretty much the quality that we live. I have noticed over the years that expressing being polite or not commenting at all left me feeling frustrated and annoyed that the opportunity has past when I felt to speak up. When we express the truth it can often make others feel uncomfortable or on the spot and that is often the key that makes me wonder why we often hold back. Could it be that the truth can rattle our comfortable way of being? Where the responsibility always remained safe and when we speak up or another shares the truth the responsibility asks us to go beyond our own comforts to see and feel the greater picture that may not always be perfect.
Matts it is so true but so ridiculous that we hold back expressing truth with those we prefer, favour or like. The people we could be most open with we often hold back from. What a great opportunity to change that, to change the way we express and make it about truth regardless of the perceived outcome.
I know it’s easy to hide in our “herd”.