I had an experience the other day that gave me pause to stop and ponder deeply my beliefs around expressing love to all, equally so. This experience exposed in me a long held belief that same sex couples are less. When I had this realisation, I felt such sadness.
“How is it possible to hold a belief for so long, that in no way feels true, loving and supportive in my life? How far away from my true self have I been living to not feel the hurt that comes with holding onto such beliefs?”
These simple questions led me to understand much about myself and have offered me great appreciation as to just how destructive a belief can be, helping me to identify the falseness in thinking that we are not equal simply as we are born to be.
I myself have lived so much of my life in comparison to others, constantly measuring if I am better or less than that person. My upbringing that saw same sex couples as somehow being less has offered me a moment where I can feel better than another person.
I know deeply inside that we are all equal and it doesn’t matter whether we choose a heterosexual or homosexual relationship. Yet the belief that I was not enough, and the push to prove that I am, has been my trigger to having the thoughts that same sex couples are less than I am.
How absolutely horrible the belief that I am better than another, as I have had an opportunity to know two beautiful women who in every way live their love for themselves, each other and all others equally. So to feel this arise in me, I know deeply that it is not who I truly am and that it is simply a belief that I have taken on from others. A belief that I can now completely let go of in how I live from this moment forward.
What this experience has brought forward for me to consider is how any comparison to others is so very debilitating. And that for this to enter, in a brief moment I in some way allowed myself to be less than or better than the other person, whether they be man or woman doesn’t matter.
What does matter is that a learned way of living that I have lived for much of my life, believing I was better than or less than another, created a constant tension to prove myself –making it impossible to fully love another equally.
I am so very grateful that I have had this experience and am also super grateful that I simply didn’t brush it off as being okay. I know deeply that my love inside of me is love for all, equally so, and I can feel the amazing potential of living in this way. Living every day deeply feeling just how beautiful, loving and supportive I am, without wavering or falling back into any old beliefs that do not support this truth that I have connected to.
I feel that I am living my life from a whole new platform: that I have accepted in full that we are all equal and feel an amazing sense of freedom in this.
There is a sense of coming home in my body that is palpable: a sense of finally allowing what my body has always known, to be the way that I live, with love for all, equally so.
Inspired by the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Leigh Strack
Further Reading:
Love – The Missing Link In Gender Equality
“The Highest Form of Intelligence is Love”
Comparing Myself To Others
876 Comments
There is this whole thing about same sex relationships not ‘being normal’ or ‘less’ (or better even) …and even a gay person loving a straight person, and feeling confused about their sexuality, and the same in reverse when a straight person finds themselves loving another person of the same sex – without being gay themselves. Love is love. It hasn’t got anything to do with sexual preference or orientation. In pondering about love over the years, and being single, i’ve learned that when we truly re-connect back to what LOVE is (truth), we realise we can love anyone because it’s the – love that we love, and not the actual physicality of the person. This love is so strong and clear. There is much freeness in feeling this, and dropping any anxiety about sexuality or who we can love, or not, including for example those who may be married. It’s the same thing. Love is that equalness you speak of Leigh, it is hermaphrodite and within us all.
“It’s the love that we love” beautiful Zofia. another thing that I am coming to love is the honesty love brings.
It’s true Zofia, we can love anyone regardless of gender, marital status, age and so on. And I mean here, as I feel you do, the universal love we can hold all others in. The expression of love in physical intimacy is reserved for a partner of equal standing; love can be expressed for all.
As a corollary to that, it is interesting to ponder what stops us from loving all equally? I can read this article, connect to what is expressed therein and feel it strongly, then feel something less than that throughout my week or day. When we are off track in that way we have reacted to old hurts triggered by the fresh incident in front of us, or have gone into some sort of ‘right or wrong’ judgement. All great to be aware of so we can get out of our own way, and that of love.
Beautiful sharing Victoria, I too have moments in my days where I feel less than the beauty I feel when fully present aware and open to the love I am and feel for all. As you say the truthfull acknowledging of this is the only way to address how we are when faced with the challenges of life. Finding a way to stay present and full in my body when faced with my hurts is an ongoing commitment for me.
Love can be expressed for all – this simply resonates in me. No need to see anyone less or different.
Beautifully expressed Zofia- it is the Love that we love- SO TRUE !
“Living every day deeply feeling just how beautiful, loving and supportive I am, without wavering or falling back into any old beliefs that do not support this truth that I have connected to.” Thank you, Leigh, these are beautiful words to live by.
They are indeed Janet, sometime we can forget the true level of love, depth , wisdom and beauty we already are and can live.
This is an amazing blog exposing the dominant gender norm we live and how everything is hold in a social order to make people all the time compare, judge and not feel the grandness we truly are. If we make it about being better than another because only that way we get recognition and identification we will never ever reach equality as equality is lived from our inner heart and the knowing that we are all equal Son’s of God and that our physical expression is just this a form of expression, but not who we are.
I agree Rachel, the roles we carry, some recognised by society some not, are keeping us in a constant drive of needing to fulfill a norm and as such are keeping us from truly feeling and enjoying who we truly are.
‘Living every day deeply feeling just how beautiful, loving and supportive I am, without wavering or falling back into any old beliefs that do not support this truth that I have connected to.’ This is beautiful Leigh. Thank you for your honesty and willingness to know and live the TRUTH.
Thank you Kathryn,
The last couple of days I have felt a very not so subtle pull to deepen this within myself. So am feeling a little out of balance, it feels like my body has gone there, but it is taking great commitment from myself to stay present and to live it.
If we all chose to live with such wisdom that you present here so beautifully Leigh, we would have no judgement, no comparison and no competition, only equality and brotherhood. This may sound utopian but is not the fact that we see love as being available for some but not for all, the very seed that allows such emotions and conflicts be our norm?
Well put Joshua -“…is not the fact that we see love as being available for some but not for all, the very seed that allows such emotions and conflicts be our norm?” A question we all can ask ourselves and then take appropriate measures to start making a difference to this ill thought and behaviour.
It is Joshua,
Love is so simple, but can not be truly expressed unless it is held within our bodies. So the commitment to loving all comes first from committing to our own bodies.
What Leigh writes is living true brotherhood. So much of our ills and woes are because we impose on everyone else. If we allowed each other to be, we would be both physically and as a society in a very different place.
Hear hear Gyl, so true – we have not learnt and/or forgotten true brotherhood,the separation in the world is huge, and it starts with brotherhood to ones self first and then extending it out so all will be connected again eventually.
Very honest Leigh. Very honest. We all have ideas about what is better and how to make ourselves feel better (or worse) about ourselves by comparing with others. Great to be talking about it and letting these ideas go coming to realise we really all are just the same and we are all making the choices that make our lives what they are.
This is very poignant for me today Kate,
” we are all making the choices that make our lives what they are”. poignant because I am realising very quickly, that it is not the big choices that create the life I have, but the moment to moment ones where I either unwaveringly support myself, therefore all others, or if I waver and allow my hurts to run the moment.
Agreed Kate, the honesty expressed by Leigh is very inspiring and it also tells us that things can be very simple, that is we are all equal, and yet we complicate this and let our issues, ideals and beliefs get in the way.
‘I myself have lived so much of my life in comparison to others, constantly measuring if I am better or less than that person. My upbringing that saw same sex couples as somehow being less has offered me a moment where I can feel better than another person.’ Wow, reading this really woke me up!
Thank you Leigh for your honesty and openness in exposing what many people feel. Not just with same sex love, but anyone, any where. Where someone lives or what job they have, the homeless or wealthy, there is comparison. That comparison keeps us separate.
Comparison and jealousy are poisons that rot us. When I allow these thoughts in, I can literally feel them eating away at me. Revolting.
So true Natalie, we keep ourselves separate from each other by comparing to others and yet in knowing that we are all equal and being able to live this there is a lot of celebrating to be done of each other.
“I am so very grateful that I have had this experience and am also super grateful that I simply didn’t brush it off as being okay.” When we experience something uncomfortable or go into reaction there is always underneath something that is not in harmony with our true nature. That we have taken on a way of being, or believing, that initially served a purpose for our survival when we have felt under threat, true or false, and which we have since maintained. If when we get trigged and manage to not ‘brush it off’ there is always an opportunity to evolve and return to the harmony within us.
This is a piece of Gold Jonathan. The fact that if we feel uncomfortable it is because we have left the beauty of ourselves is the key to a life of joy. For it is never because of another. This completely debunks all blame.
It’s very empowering to recognise that the beliefs we subscribe to are not in fact ours at all, but a consciousness that we buy into – and it’s in the willingness to see why and how they are convenient to us that we can actually renounce them and claim ourselves back from such impositions.
To accept and recognize that any thought that takes us away from the centered feeling of equalness is an imposition greatly supports one to truly begin to claim back our very own sense of self.. as knowing that any thing else is an imposition on our fundamental right to live our natural life is an insight into how we are influenced by energy that comes at us from outside of ourselves.
I’ve very much enjoyed feeling your acceptance of yourself as being equal to every other person Leigh. The palpable sense of coming home in your body is not surprising if we consider that by feeling the equality within others we are connecting to our own inner essence also. This is true equality, with no lip-service that is so often offered.
Yes agree rosanna bianchini – it really does boil down to acceptance….when we accept ourselves and our own sexuality feeling completely comfortable whatever this might be, then we are the same with others’ relationships too. The equality as you say. Relationship is only about connected-love, (not solely sex).
Acceptance is the key, when we truly accept ourselves in full we open ourselves to true connection, to true relationship. We accept that we are equal.
Yes Rosanna, way to often we say we are equal with all, yet have not allowed how this truly feels to be in our bodies. Once felt the foundation of this truth continually impulses us to clear where and how we are in any way behaving in a way that is not equal.
I really appreciate your honesty and your wisdom in this blog Leigh. I love the way in which you have taken responsibility for how you feel and the choices you make. I also love the way you appreciate and confirm yourself, this is awesome.
“There is a sense of coming home in my body that is palpable: a sense of finally allowing what my body has always known, to be the way that I live, with love for all, equally so”.
We all innately know that everyone is equal. How could we not be? So it is very revealing when we find ourselves with beliefs such as this that clearly show us that we do not ‘think’ of everyone as equal or treat everyone as equal. As I write this I can feel the pain of it. The pain of separation.
You make a great point Leigh about holding yourself less or more than anther, which causes a tension in your body – this makes sense as we are by nature pulled to be equal. I am constantly finding that I have judgments about people, whether I know them or not – they jump in and I have to question where did that thought come from and why am I judging someone I don’t even know. It’s insidious, especially if I get distracted and then after some time I realise I have gone down the route of judgment but not caught myself – after all how many of us monitor our thoughts and question where the ideals and beliefs come from, and are they even ours. As in, have we taken them on as a child and accepted them as being the truth. I find that to counter these thoughts with appreciation is highly effective and feels totally different in my body, it’s as though it takes the legs from under the ugly thoughts and renders them harmless, and hence loses it’s hold.
Your point here Julie Matson, “if I get distracted and then after some time I realise I have gone down the route of judgment but not caught myself – after all how many of us monitor our thoughts and question where the ideals and beliefs come from, and are they even ours,” is a very important point to make, as we are naturally impulsed to align and know ourselves to be equal to another, so that would make any unloving thought, an absolute lie, and as you say, then renders them harmless. I love it.
Thank you Leigh for expressing with such honesty and to expose the traps we can fall into into feeling better or less than others when in essence we are all the same and can express love with another in an intimate relationship regardless of gender. Great topic to break down these barriers that have shaped our being to believe otherwise.
Leigh, I love the honesty you have written with in this blog, looking at ideals and beliefs you were brought up with as a child. I can relate to what you have written as my family had a negative view of homosexual relationships and as others have said, it does beg the question how many other ideals and beliefs am I holding onto which I am not yet prepared to be honest about?
Comparison is so easy to slip into, it feels horrible every time yet we still continue to do it, especially amongst women and the antidote of appreciation is not always so easy to connect with when we are in a cycle of betterment or bashing. It is like we enjoy comparing in order to feel better about ourselves, it is a quick way to pick ourselves up and say ‘I’m OK’ and so we carry on. We have a strange familiar relationship with self bashing too, it feels familiar and comforting to abuse ourselves. How crazy is this? When we do stop and appreciate we debase the comparison and an beautiful lightness is felt in the body which makes way for accepting all equally so.
The ideals and beliefs we take on in this world and what feels like we are born with from our surroundings are very harmful and not from us as we are purely love and part of the divinity of God. With true responsibility ,understanding compassion and inspiration these beliefs and ideals can be seen for what they are and released allowing a freedom and love for all equally expressed and what we truly know inside us all .A great sharing thank you.
When we connect to our inner heart we can feel that all relationships whether heterosexual or homosexual if coming from love are equally beautiful and true, and are to be celebrated. It’s unfortunate that the Catholic Church bans the marriage of same sex couples, and portrays them as being lesser and dysfunctional. This message from the church may override some parishioners from feeling the truth from their own hearts.
Loretta,
My upbringing was with a Catholic Mum and Protestant Dad, neither of whom went to church. So my visits to church were reserved for funerals and weddings. However a few years ago now I was feeling desperate for a connection with God, so I took myself of to church. The whole sermon was about prostitutes and how they were people living in a wrong way. Even then, when judgement and comparison was how I lived, this felt wrong, so I never went back to church. So how is it that the likes of the Catholic Church are such huge entities in the world when we can all feel the separateness that they foster? How hurt are we as people, that we choose the ‘be a good person’ over the true love we all hold inside? When we all begin to remember our love and connect with it again, there will become less and less churches and other organizations that feed of people’s hurts and fears.
From my experience, we play the better or lesser game continually until we tackle what’s really going on in the background – lack of self worth.
Absolutely agreed Susan Green. Developing a worth of self, enables us to feel that same level of worth in another because it’s already felt, and lived. In other words, our level of worth for another, is based from the level that we already hold for ourselves first. If this is nil/low, then it’s nil/low with another. If it’s FULL/HIGH, thus glory can be with all.
Absolutely, we need the justification from the outside that we are ok all the time- of course we compare then at the same time to get a measure, where we are at on the scale of being ok… It is an insidiuos game of the mind that leads to nowhere until the moment we set ourselves free from judgement towards ourselves and others and start to feel our selfworth and amazingness.
Agree Susan, The lack of self worth will blind us to the beauty that is in all equally so.
Leigh, you raise so much here about how insidious being less is as we often take on beliefs to avoid feeling it, to make others less and make ourselves better or we set out to prove ourselves. What a strain, and all the time we’re not dealing with the underlying thing at all, making ourselves less and we’ve chosen it. Definitely one for me to dig under further and find what else I go into with my less, proving myself worthy and seeking approval or recognition are ones that very much play out right now. So time to address the less.
Lack of loving all equally does create a tension in the body – a tension that we are not even aware of until we shine a spotlight on it. How ridiculous that we are fed and then take on all these ideals and beliefs of how life should be and then go forth and live in tension for our whole lives? Universal Medicine presents that there is another way, a true and loving way, and slowly we address these ideals within our bodies and the tension of being not who we truly are starts to reside.
Leigh your wisdom and beauty expressed here is a delight to behold. Your commitment to complete honesty and exposing what is unloving is deeply appreciated and celebrated as this is what our world so dearly needs. I love the point you made about living less than the love that we are, then comparing ourselves to others to make ourselves feel better, and this creating a tension so we constantly try to prove ourselves – a cycle that perpetuates for many! We can arrest this cycle with the first step as you have said of choosing to feel that we are all in fact equal. What follows is an exposure of all we have been living that is not that, and the opportunity to heal it, once and for all.
Reading your comment and Leigh’s blog bring me the awareness that not holding myself and other equal is such a strain on my body. To stop comparising myself to others and to deepen my self worth is the way forward for me.
Your honesty and openness is so beautiful Leigh through which your expression is such a gift. You have clearly shown how comparison severs our connection to appreciating the all the Love we are and appreciating the same in others. That when we choose to let go of the comparison our appreciation for the Love we are can then expand, where we then naturally know we are all equally of this same Love. And I love how you shared that your through your awareness of your body you could feel something was not sitting true, which you chose to honor and reflect on what you were feeling. What a powerful way to live, and heal that which keeps you living All that you truly are.
Comparison is so confining, and as you say Carola means we are not appreciating the grandness that we contribute to the whole, or that in another person. It always comes back to us though, as if we are feeling like we are better than someone then it comes from a need for us to feel better so as not to feel worse, or the love we have not been living. All of this can be circumvented by choosing to live the love that we are, and appreciating what it is we bring in our own Divine expression. When we feel this, we can feel ourselves as part of the whole and know that we all are equal in this, no matter how different we may appear from the outside.
Amelia, you lay this out very clearly. There is much for us to learn about comparison – why we do it, the consequences of doing it, who it affects, etc. There are so many tendrils beginning from even the thought of comparison. Once we have even begun to follow through with this divisive energy, it is often hard to pull ourselves out from it, unless we know that we are all truly equal.
“That when we choose to let go of the comparison our appreciation for the Love we are can then expand,…”
Beautifully expressed Carola, we need to let go of what we are not first to open the door to the enormity of love that we are.
The old game of comparisons has been one I have played for most of my life and, similar to what you have so well demonstrated Leigh, it has been a powerful influence blocking my capacity to fully see myself and others as equals. I still find pockets of it emerge which lets me know just how deeply I have taken on certain ideals and beliefs. On a broader note, I am amazed at what is revealed once we are open to asking questions about ourselves and our behaviours and beliefs.
There are so many beliefs that we can hold that stop us from expressing love equally to all which in turn holds us in separation from each other. One of my beliefs is that I can’t be completely open and be me with men who have a partner in fear of them thinking that I am trying to pick them up or fear of what their partner will say. I have been experimenting lately with offering equal love to all regardless of the situation, sometimes it is accepted and sometimes it is rejected based on what is going on for that person. However for me it is now a commitment to love to be that equally to all.
I can relate to what you said Donna. When we equally love someone it can easily be misinterpreted as a come on. Some people don’t know true love and they may take it as something more.
Yes this has been something I feel a lot of us do…. we measure our love to not disturb the equilibrium and yet in doing so we rob that person of feeling the love that we are… prevent ourselves from expanding and play games with jealously and comparison.
We are love. It comes from us. Therefore everyone should feel the emanation equally so.
I really connect with what you are saying here Donna, it is a commitment, for me first and foremost to me and my body, each day this is deepening, and of late somewhat challenging. The simplest of things that come at me loaded with energy of push or this morning I felt the “your stupid” come at me, are so very hurtful.
Committing to love has allowed me to feel and acknowledge things like this that once I would have hardened to.
Whether I make myself lesser or whether I make myself greater than another – there is no difference, for both come ultimately from a lack of connection with myself feeding my comparison with others.
This comment brings a lot of what I am focusing on at the moment to be square in my face, thank you Martin. Living my life in full, fully present in everything I choose is showing me just how little of this I have been doing in truth. It is exposing my tells and patterns. It is also very tenderly revealing how much I can trust my body. This I feel is the most important aspect to focus on and develop.
Thank you for these questions Leigh, they bring up a very much needed stop to appreciate the love that is within that knows how to live without the ideals and beliefs. I am now wondering – to what extent do ideals and believes harm us and all others? and how honestly have I been willing to feel the ideals and beliefs I still carry?
Thanks for your honesty Leigh and bringing to light how sinister comparison and better and less is in our families, communities, countries etc. I love how you felt the separation from others through a judgement that was not even yours. We are compared to others from the moment we are born, by how we sleep, feed, when we first smile, walk… the list goes on. Its a vicious circle that goes on and on until we address it like you have so lovingly and responsibly done. I can feel how deep this goes into how we are with others, but how this can all dissipate when we re-connect with ourselves and know we are all the same.
Aimee Edmonds, your appreciation of Leigh’s article is wonderful and it highlights how what we some times can consider our perceptions/opinions inconsequential but as you say this example beautifully expresses how big issues can arise from continuing to make these choices, which lead to separation and misunderstanding.
I am blown away by your honesty and your words ask me to become aware of all the things I have used to hold others as being less or more than me. Thank you Leigh.
Leigh you have offered a great role model for how to deal with an ideal or belief that is not true or equal to the love that we are. We need to see it, be honest about it but don’t own it. When we see it as something that can’t possibly be part of us, it is easy to not judge and let it go.
Wow Leigh – I can feel how you have completely let go of this belief in your body. And what a huge topic to raise. You honesty is just beautiful – this blog should be read across the world – are our beliefs truly ours or are they passed on?
Do we conform to what we ‘should’ think or do we honour what we feel in our bodies knowing the truth of what we feel is very powerful and in honouring that, it confirms who we are.
What an opportunity that is – to not give our power away to ideals but claim what is true to our bodies.
I love the way you felt it to the belief you had held and like catching butterfly, examining it and then just letting it go.
Beliefs just hinder us from being truly open in life so it great to hear from you Leigh about how you were able to bring a belief that you held into the light of day and see it for what it was – a hindrance to expressing more love in your life.
Beautiful analogy Steve
Oh that is a sweet analogy Steve – and just like watching a butterfly, these old beliefs can just flutter away.
Beautiful analogy, what a lovely way to see the letting go of an ideal or belief.
And using the butterfly analogy it just shows with what gentleness we can let something go rather than being hard on our self for having held onto something that was not us in essence.
I am aware that I do not yet feel everyone as equal, but allowing myself to become more aware of the times when I treat one person differently from another highlights my lack of consistency, and enables me to explore my behaviour so that I can let go of any ideals, beliefs and intentioned that are at play in every encounter.
The heart knows a much greater truth than the mind can ever hold. If we were to let go of all the beliefs and ideals we hold we would have a body filled with a great wisdom and true loving intelligence, all of which comes from the heart. A mind disconnected from its own heart will always view itself as separate from others since such a mind is also born from separation. When we connect to our own inner heart we become part of something much greater, the one we are all born from. From this place we know we are all one.
‘When we connect to our own inner heart we become part of something much greater, the one we are all born from. From this place we know we are all one.’ – Beautifully said Melinda.
Thanks for reminding us how debilitating comparison can be, as it only serves to hold us back from living and expressing in our fullness.
This blog written whith such honesty revealed to me some hidden beliefpatterns I am still holding on to. And I was asking myself why I do still hold onto those beliefs, if in truth in my head I know they are untrue. I came to realize that it needs another form of action, another level of intimacy, another form of moving my body in order to let go completly of those harming energies. Thank you Leigh.
Leigh in the same way that you discovered that you had homophobic feelings I discovered that I had feelings that had their roots in racism. Previously I would have denied to the death that I had an ounce of racism in my body and yet I could not deny that when I was talking to someone who didn’t speak good English (especially if they were in customer service) I would feel an irritation at their percieved inadequacy and this would lead to feelings of the other person in some way being less. I now bring consciousness to these situations which helps to prevent me from automatically going into old patterns of behaviour.
As I read your experience Alexis, along with Leigh’s, it makes me realise just how pervasive and sneaky beliefs can be and how easy it is to go into comparison if we allow it. As I write this and reflect on my relationship with comparison one area immediately comes to mind for further attention – driving and how I often perceive myself as a better driver than others. So ladies I am very appreciative of your sharings on this for I know there is no other way than to truly love all equally for we are all one and the same.
Expressing love equally to all around us – the more love we express, the more love we have to express and the easier it becomes to express it to all equally as the love expressed becomes more and more powerful. A beautiful self-reinforcing cycle.
Yes This is true Christoph. The expression of love within us seems to expand more and more as we surrender. A beautiful cycle.
What you have shown us Leigh, is the damage that holding onto a belief can do. It colours every part of life and keeps us away from love. What a true evil comparison is. I know I have used it to protect myself, feeling better than or less than another gives me many excuses to not step up to the amazing, loving person I am. What a beautiful revelation this blog is. I so appreciate the grace that comes with this wisdom.