Ever since I can remember, I have always been surrounded by men. Before the age of around 11 most of my friends were boys, from the ones with whom I’d play wrestling and football to the ones I’d persuade to play house with me and my dolls, which to be honest wasn’t that difficult.
From my experience with men, I got to see that they actually can be deeply caring and very gentle. Even more so, I have observed that the toughest, rock-solid, scary looking guys have this tender, child-like quality to them too, which no extra-large bicep, dark tattoo or hoody could conceal.
- Men, just like women, are sensitive.
- Men, just like women, seek connection and love.
- Men, just like women, deserve to be treated tenderly and honoured for these innate qualities.
Sadly, and no different from women, men build up layers of protection to keep them ‘safe’ from this world full of social ideals and expectations that are not configured to let them live their sweetness, their sensitivity and their delicacy.
So often we as women take the men in our lives for granted, focussing on all of the things they do, rather than who they are on the inside.
We blame men for treating us poorly and for not appreciating us as women. However, do we ever pause to consider that we might be doing the same to them? So many of us dive into our ignorance and arrogance and choose not to be open in relationships with our partners, not to mention the games we play. Why? Because we can. Because ‘he’s a man,’ or worse, because ‘men don’t talk about feelings,’ or perhaps the worst, because ‘men don’t understand.’ Yet, have we tried?
Have we truly given the men we know, and the ones we don’t, an opportunity to open up to us by being transparently open towards them first?
Why do we think that women have the right to express their feelings but men do not? We know that repressed feelings can lead to self-abuse in all of its varieties, yet we praise men for doing exactly that – quashing their sensitivity.
In our 21st century society men are by and large marginalised, based on the wage they earn, how tall they are, or how defined their six pack is. Men are demonised for the pay gap between the genders, yet still many women are 100% happy to exploit men for their money and avoid paying for dinners, movie tickets, travel, etc.
Men are blamed for being indifferent and hostile, which they can be, yet the root cause of these behaviours is not sought.
As women, so many of us have become incredibly hard and unbelievably tough in our mission to be the perfect wife, the best mum, the top employee, the greatest friend, ideal neighbour or the sister from heaven. We constantly try to reach our unrealistic pictures of what we, our partners and our children should be like, completely losing touch with our most wonderful ability to be the ones who can best support the quality of tenderness to flourish in men.
But this can’t come as a surprise to us when we women are not living that same tenderness we came into this world with!
Our young boys are taught to be the tough soldiers who never cry or, God forbid, show their vulnerability, because if they did, the big bad world would crush them. We indoctrinate them from a young age that their role is to protect the women around them and serve as the backbone of the world. So much pressure on those young shoulders…
But what if by dismissing and denying men’s tenderness, we are effectively rejecting them for who they truly are? This must create very deep pain, making men even more sensitive to rejection, because when we are shown that who we truly are is not good enough, we get hurt beyond imagination and thus become desensitised, indifferent and in the extreme –hostile.
Men really can be beautifully tender, gentle, and caring. They have great depths of feelings, a capacity for understanding, nurturing and the ability to be great listeners. We as women have an amazing opportunity to encourage, support and respect these very qualities in men (and in ourselves) that we crave more than any chocolate bar on earth.
Granting men permission to be who they truly are, their amazing selves, will doubtless contribute to a decrease in men’s depression and the current alarming suicide rates, as well as curb the devastating rise in substance abuse among men.
And consider for a moment the wonderful effects that this in turn would have on women!
Next time an opportunity arises to express your love and appreciation for a man (any man) in your life, be that at dinner at your neighbour’s home, your boss’ birthday or a nephew’s graduation day – or even better, for no special reason at all – say it with half a dozen red/white/yellow or pink roses and watch the glee in the man’s eye thanking you for acknowledging and honouring the tenderness and preciousness he truly is. And should such a gesture make him appear awkward in expressing his appreciation of the gift, let that not be a reason to hold back from doing so again – for men also need to get used to the fact that they are tender and precious.
By Anonymous
Further Reading:
Exposing Ideals and Beliefs: Discovering Deep Tenderness
Relating to Women as a Man
Men are only after one thing
When we let go of our differences we realise that we are all, in essence, the same – love.
Appreciating who we are and letting another have free will to be in their own choices is developing an intimate relationship with others.
It’s interesting how the tables are turning, nowadays if you go to any gym you will see women striving just as hard for that six pack as I was observing men three years ago. Instead of us leading our own way, we are trying to compete with men and be better than them at what’s innate for them. This is what happens when you forget who you are, it’s like a baby calf trying to be a goat – it won’t work.
‘We blame men for treating us poorly and for not appreciating us as women. However, do we ever pause to consider that we might be doing the same to them?’ And equally doing the same to ourselves, and then expect another to treat us in a more loving way than we can do for self.
This is a great question; ‘But what if by dismissing and denying men’s tenderness, we are effectively rejecting them for who they truly are?’ I observe this with how boys are treated, I notice as boys grow up there is often a hardening and toughening up that feels very unnatural, it feel like a shell of protection is being put on to cover the tenderness.
Yes, I have watched that happen to tender boys, as they grew up, very sad to observe, ‘I notice as boys grow up there is often a hardening and toughening up that feels very unnatural, it feel like a shell of protection is being put on to cover the tenderness.’
As I become more open and deeply honest with my men friends I see them allowing more and more of their sensitivity and preciousness to be seen. Very lovely
Imagine that men are seeking exactly what women are love and connection! We all have a long way to go in appreciating our innate tenderness and beauty.
We may have lived with statues of men, hard at heart, fellows tortured by their hurts – but no matter our past we cannot treat men less than women or a child and call it Love. No matter our previous choices we all deserve to be treated cherishing our divinity.
The protective outer behaviours can be so off putting – but we need to know that they are only there because of our deep beauty inside. In a world of hardness and manipulative game playing, someone has got to make the first move and see the truth.
God has given us our vulnerability, tenderness, sensitive, preciousness so when this does not add-up in our lives we feel the rejection all around us and could this be one of the main reasons why so many men commit suicide?
I really did used to see men for all they did not who they were – and as I look back now I can see how I missed out on so much because of that. To now begin to appreciate men for who they are is so refreshing and loving.
I love how much I love men, I used to think men are really different from women, a little like strange species, but they are not, and the more I have dropped my issues with them, the more I have enjoyed the company of men, regardless of being a friend, husband, family, stranger. We should be meeting each gender equal and drop our issues, whether man or woman.
Suicide is huge in men, these gorgeous sensitive tender men are feeling life is too much to cope with and they look for a way out, causing an absolutely devastating impact on those around them.
The way we bring boys up is not honouring of the tender men they are.
When a man is truly tender it exposes us ladies to the hardness we have been living in, which is great as without this reflection we can continue being hard with ourselves, hard with our movements and hard with others – We have a choice when we see a man in his vulnerability – we either react or melt- when we melt and accept the reflection we receive a big healing.
‘We constantly try to reach our unrealistic pictures of what we, our partners and our children should be like, completely losing touch with our most wonderful ability to be the ones who can best support the quality of tenderness to flourish in men.’ And in trying to reach these pictures we as women become tough and hard ourselves instead of be the inspiration we can be for men and women alike.
Men are hanging out for tenderness, intimacy, true friendship and connection. We’ve just all held back waiting for someone else to make the first move. Seize the chance, open up and they will too.
I have been loving the way I am starting to change the way I see men and how it has been a way of letting go of the social expectations of what a man is. Seeing men that are choosing to live The Way of The Livingness and connecting to their tender and delicate qualities within them is just gorgeous to see and be around.
This certainly bring us home to the truth of where our responsibility lies whenever we are with a young boy or man. Are we rejecting them by not meeting them for who they are or are we embracing and appreciating all that they naturally are in essence? A powerful message for us both, men and woman, to consider more deeply how we are with each other and how much we truly appreciate each other. Thank you.
I Like this article thank you for this, a much needed conversation. In a world where being a man today I am very confused on how to seek connection and to be loved. Part of the problem is due to modern feminism, although feminism is supposed to be concerned with the promotion of equality between the sexes, many people who identify as feminists demonise men and imagine that all men are privileged. People even try to silence those who speak out about the problems facing men in our society. Its always about the women and children. No one ever asked or cared about the men. It is because this society depressingly treats men as disposable things to be replaced or thrown away when they no longer are seen to serve a purpose.
It is much easier for us women to blame men for not opening up than be very raw and vulnerable with them. Until we let down our walls and hardness, how can we know how willing a man is to be vulnerable with us and feel safe enough to be so?
Great question Fiona, we are more comfortable with our walls and hardness, with the status quo that exists already for a long long time.
People are people and they come in all different shapes, sizes and genders but at the end of the day despite appearances and behaviour we are all love at heart.
So, I did it. I bought a man a bunch of flowers, beautifully wrapped from the woman on the market. I knew they were his favourite flowers but still was unsure how they would be received. He loved them, there was first a slight surprise and almost disbelief that someone could be buying flowers for him and then a smile played around his lips and a very appreciative thank you followed. He had no vase so cut down a large water bottle and placed them in this on the window sill of his home. I could tell how touched he was and realised that this would not be the last time I gave a man such a sweet gift.
When you think about just how beautiful flowers are, it’s absolutely crazy to think that men can’t or wouldn’t appreciate them. We really do impose so many false ways of being on both sexes, our society is based almost purely on false ways of being.
If we want the true tender qualities of a man to be expressed then we have to allow him the space to feel safe to do so, in no different way to accepting our own precious and sensitive qualities, the trouble being we have all been conditioned to take on these divisive roles that keep us from being open and vulnerable with each other and yet this is the only way that we can have true and continuously expanding relationships with each other.
It is all because of this false images collectively are held in societies of how you should behave like a man and how you should behave like a woman. While as child we may think that it is the normal because everybody is doing this, we all do feel in our growing up that it is a struggle and at time we would like to question this but there are no ears to listen as they mostly are all deafened by the behaviour that we collectively have made the normal.
It is simply said a game how men and women behave in a relationship. Because we have fallen for the false ideals how to be as a man and a women and consequently have identified ourselves with, the fighting between the genders emerges but also the inner fight because it is the the image that wants to hold stand but too strongly interferes with how we sense we are from nature.
In the last few weeks I have become more aware of how important this awareness of how tender and precious men are is. So much comes from the expectation we place on men to be a certain way and respond in a certain way. Not only does this not give them the space to respond as they feel but there is a preconceived picture I have then placed on them and there is clearly a hurt for not being seen for who they truly are.
A true mans life: everyday going deeper with rediscovering your delicacy and letting it out. Everything else is just a distraction from that.
It suits us to prolong the picture of the man as war machine. To look under the hood and appreciate the true tenderness that is there means we’d have to accept its in us too.
When we as women learn to open up and learn to show our transparency and vulnerability in our relationships with men, we offer to them an opening and an equaliness for them to in turn show just how tender and sensitive they can actually be, and that it is safe for them to be also.
I love what you have shared here, you have laid down the gauntlet and asked us to be the change we want to see in the world and in our lives. The suicide rates are all our business and it is time we were on the front foot addressing them. It doesn’t take money, it takes a commitment to see men for who they are and give them space and grace to express without the layering of ideals and beliefs heaped on their shoulders.
The commitment to seeing men for who they truly are is the game changer. Not a mission but a willingness to love more of the qualities that we know are true and reside in all.
I agree, it does require a willingness to receive someone for who they are, not the pictures and ideas of what we think they should be. How often do we do this, meet someone else for who they are beyond our ideas or their ideas, the front we put out…worth looking at.
“Sadly, and no different from women, men build up layers of protection to keep them ‘safe’ from this world full of social ideals and expectations that are not configured to let them live their sweetness, their sensitivity and their delicacy.” Heavens we are all trying to keep ourselves safe from each other – how insane is that?!
It is so true Lucy, it sometime seems like we are walking around with a plate of armour around our hearts front and back so there is very little openness to let others in and feel we are all the same in essence.
And in trying to keep ourselves ‘safe’ from each other we end up keeping ourselves from ourselves and from each other. And that’s life as we know it, self contained units that we refer to as people living lives of self-imposed isolation.
It is so beautiful to be with Men that are not putting on the brave, tough image and are allowing themselves to be sensitive. I have been hanging out with men recently and I can feel being called to also deepen in my sensitivity. It feels so natural and like, this is how it’s meant to be.
The reaction of men is very off putting when we show tenderness and it’s not received. So that takes a lot of steadiness in Women to not hold this Truth back to them no matter what.
I love the idea of giving a man roses I will take you up on that when the occasion arises
‘But what if by dismissing and denying men’s tenderness, we are effectively rejecting them for who they truly are?’ I notice this happens from young with boys, we do not encourage the qualities of tenderness, sensitivity and gentleness in boys, in fact quite the opposite we see these qaulities as a weakness and discourage them, thus not allowing boys to be who they truly are.
Men’s own lack of appreciation for themselves is mirrored in the dismissive way some of their deeply beautiful qualities are brushed away. The key is for us to start to value our essence without waiting for anyone else.
I am finding that men respond really well to women who are more in their sacredness.
If we are not treated with the tenderness we deserve, as men we need to stop attacking and fighting back and begin going deeper. A call for more Love is so much clearer than an outcry of hate.
We have so many opportunities to let men be themselves, at the bus stop, in the local shop or in our family. Everywhere we meet a man, we have an opportunity to greet him with a smile and a warm heart – that can transform lives.
Every time I have anything to question how can men be this way with me, I have in some way held back my love to them, so I will change my part First and let it be.
I really love men, they always remind me to give all of my love without holding it back one ounce, for that is the natural way between us.
We as men put on such a facade to keep up the blokee-image and when we re-learn how to be a truly tender gentle-man life feels natural.
It is a huge imprisonment to both men and women when we force expectations on a person. Starting from young we not only demand that boys and girls live according to such imposed characteristics, but also reinforce it by the way we go on to treat them throughout life. It is a blessing when we choose to not hold each other in such a bind and instead honour and appreciate one another for the gorgeous, delicate, sensitive, wise and loving nature we all have whether a man or a woman.
Victoria – you bring this back to the truth you feel with men and how we have invested in ideals and beliefs to set this vast divide between men and women – when in fact we are all sensitive first.
‘So often we as women take the men in our lives for granted, focussing on all of the things they do, rather than who they are on the inside…’ this is the plague of the way we live isn’t it? We make everything we do far more important than who we are and the quality we do everything in.
When they allow themselves men can be very adoring and sweet. The key to fostering this in another is to accept and express it from within ourselves first.
In a world that ridicules a man for being tender and delicate we have many men living not who they are, but who they think society wants them to be.
It’s so beautiful sharing this truth with young boys and girls in my classes that I teach. You can feel their whole bodies respond, open and lighten with the pressure being taken off. It’s also cute to see their eyes widen in surprise with the initial revelation being made.
We live blocking our heart out then decry that we are beasts. The horrible part is just the energy that stops us from living knowing we are super sweet.
It is so gorgeous to be with a man who can express his tenderness quite naturally. I feel that despite all the hardness and craziness in this world that a lot of men are actually giving each other permission to be seen in this way. I have, for example, seen celebrities acting with affection towards each other. Recently I was at an event and the organiser who had been quite loud and official in his role softened immediately when I put my hand on his shoulder at the end of the day. He was relieved that the day had gone well and that it was all over but he still held a protection in his body yet at the slightest touch his body was able to let go and the tone of his voice changed and he became his true self with no bowing to roles or fulfilling expectations. A gentle and loving touch can do wonders.
It’s so convenient to think that everyone else is tough and we are the sensitive ones, it lets us stay in our isolation instead of understanding we are all caring and loving at heart.
The pure tenderness of a man has the power to melt hearts and that is a quality, a strength, a loving force that cannot be matched by anything of this world. And God knows that we need more of this amongst us and in our world today.
Men are beautiful beings who can reignite the quality of tenderness in this wayward world of ours.
I love the picture at the beginning of this blog – men can be a little surprised by receiving flowers at first, but when they feel the appreciation in them, their tenderness is profound.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong or weird about giving a man flowers. Every man I’ve given them to has adored them.
If we consider the separation from our own tenderness and sensitivity originated from not being met in that, perhaps the way back is to appreciate this essence in men.
The world we have created is blame vs blame when it should be love connecting to love. We can’t wait for others to change – we can change the tide.
Joseph I love how changing the way we are with each other in this way would have such a powerful effect on humanity.
This is such an important point to raise – that by ignoring a man’s tenderness, we are denying who they truly are. I don’t think we fully appreciate the gold we are crushing when we as people don’t truly see the values we bring. I know men who are deeply sensitive and tender, and it is very powerful to have a conversation with them and to appreciate all they observe and share.
The sacredness, tenderness, vulnerability, sensitivity and essence is something we all share equally and it is when we are in our true divine connection that we realise this as true.
“So often we as women take the men in our lives for granted, focussing on all of the things they do, rather than who they are on the inside.” now this would transform every mans life.
I love how this man in the photo is not only holding but also treasuring those bunch of beautiful delicate roses – you can feel how he is holding himself in the same way/quality too from his expression. Gorgeous.
“From My Love for Men” – springs deeper love for oneself. Love – to love even more.
What you are sharing here feels very true; ‘what if by dismissing and denying men’s tenderness, we are effectively rejecting them for who they truly are? ‘ From what I observe men are not encouraged to be sensitive and tender in our society. Having a very sensitive man and boy in my family I see the truth of men – that they hurt the same as girls and women and that they are just as sweet and sensitive. If we allow and encourage these qaulities then men and boys can flourish and enjoy being who they truly are with confidence and joy.
The fragility and tenderness of a man is something to behold.
Whether man or woman, (self) love is the salve to smooth away our rough edges to reveal the curves of truth that are so very beautiful to enjoy being in connection with. Without those curves, we all are lost in the otherwise flatness of lovelessness.
Thank you Anon, for it shows us how much more we can be with each other and how we can allow men to be tender with themselves if we treat them tenderly so too.
Quoted from above: ” for men also need to get used to the fact that they are tender and precious”.
This is such a great topic to be exploring and is very much needed in a world where men have been raised with so many false ideals and pictures around what it is to be a man. The current model clearly isn’t working as the suicide statistics are steadily rising worldwide amongst men. It is time as you suggested to begin to appreciate and encourage men’s tenderness and sensitivity as men are needing to feel safe and allowed to express these qualities in a world that hasn’t really welcomed or accepted this at all.
The men in my life are treated with the tenderness they deserve, and that goes for my boss, my bosses boss, and my work colleagues. Every man deserves to be seen.
I have never given a man flowers. Time to change that!
Yes every time I see the photo of a man with roses that accompanies this blog I remind myself that this still has not happened…and why not?
I love it, when men show their fragility and true tender care for themselves and for others. There is indeed no difference to a woman. And I feel the picture of being a tender man needs to be re-imprinted in this world big time. I find it more than disturbing, that men who shows their feelings and don´t move in a harsh and abrupt way, not being disrespectful and not living in the stereotype roles of society are getting the label of being “gay”. Through that expression, used in this way, the man gets devalued in his innate qualities. Besides the fact that it is absolutely degrading to use that term regarding someones chosen sexual orientation.
What I often hear from women when they meet a man they like: “With him I feel like a real woman”. Question is: Should not a woman feel like a real woman herself without needing anyone to give her that kind of feeling? This let alone sets a relationship between man and woman into a dependency, something that needs to continuously be fulfilled. The tension that occurs in men being unconsciously confronted by this need is more than underestimated.
As a woman I can feel the games that I still play in keeping this going, of expecting men to interact with me in a certain way, like going into playing larikin with them and dulling down my own sensitivity and expression.
The worth of Women is to see the worth of men and communicate with each other on this level of worth always.
Yes we need to feel our own worth if we are to see the true worth of men. Otherwise we just look to them to rescue us. Can we meet men as our equals, truly?
level of worth, respect, decency and .. appreciating the other for who they are and holding them as equal.
More responsibility from us women in how we treat men is sorely needed, I suggest, we can do the blame game a lot, I know I did, we can be more understanding of men, with out ever condoning any abusive behaviour, but in truth we are here to live harmoniously not fight one another.
“Because men don’t talk about feelings“
Yes but why, one of the reasons is that they will not be accepted by their partner, so them clam up .
‘Have we truly given the men we know, and the ones we don’t, an opportunity to open up to us by being transparently open towards them first?’ – such a great question and I have only started to truly see the depth to how much I have held back and not been really open and honest with men as a form of protection and reaction to how they can be. Breaking this had such a huge impact on how deep we really can go.
Yep me too Natalie, I’ve nagged the men in my life to be more open and all from behind a closed door!
Always deeply deeply inspiring to bring honesty on the table across the board between men and women. There are so many ideals that men and women cannot be letting each other in fully—such as the ideal of men being able to take care of everything or women being super woman. All in all, both of these ideals is saying to each other—I don’t need you, and shutting the other out partly in our lives and that hurts because we know the truth to unity is to let each other fully.
Yesterday I observed as a man asked his wife ‘why are you anxious, what is going through your head?’ – and it made me stop and consider that this is not a usual dialogue that a man has with a woman – but it was so awesome to see because it showed me another way – where men can speak about what they feel and sense and they can express it. That was all I saw of the conversation, but it was enough to make me stop and appreciate men in my life who do have those conversations and reminds me of my role in this to absolutely support them.
Yes it is definitely a two-way street, both genders are equally responsible for bringing us all back to harmony.
I get to observe the tenderness in the men around me, that they feel safe enough to open up this vulnerability to me. This is because I am constantly showing them my vulnerabilities too.
This is the key. Men melt when they feel a woman being fragile and vulnerable. That gives them the permission, without words, to be that for themselves. What if they need that reflection in us women to find back to who they truly are?
This is a breath of fresh air, and that’s what is needed for our men, the freshness of supporting and loving them, seeing them for who they really are ‘for men also need to get used to the fact that they are tender and precious.’ Yes, they have feelings and if they weren’t bombarded by society, which is actually all of us, to be the ideas and pictures of what it is to be a man with many flavours, but were given the permission to drop their protection and guard, we would all get the quality of a man in his tenderness and openness.
If we stripped back naked all women and men, and we were not imposed on by the ideals, beliefs, and images of what and how we should be, what would we discover, what would our true nature be?
To dismiss our men’s tenderness is to deny us all of a strength and quality that will change the nature of our world.
I watched a beautiful video today which had some men of all different shapes, sizes and colours in it and it brought me to tears the way I could see the tenderness, sweetness and love in all of them, regardless of their external appearance. This is something I am starting to notice more and more perhaps as I accept it in myself more and more as a man.
That is such a beautiful photo, truly captures his sweetness and tenderness.
Men are as tender and fragile as women, the more tender and fragile we are, the more we give the men permission to be who they naturally are.
This photo is absolutely gorgeous, and says it all really.
Sometimes when I am seen and accepted for my tenderness, vulnerability or imperfection especially by a woman I get to feel the tension and protection I still hold and how much more I could treat myself with love and acceptance. It is sometimes only by reflection that we get to recognize that what feels familiar and normal is not necessarily our natural and most harmonious state of being.
“Have we truly given the men we know, and the ones we don’t, an opportunity to open up to us by being transparently open towards them first?” This is a very good point. We tend to hold men to ransom for the hurt we have already experienced, and then we blame them for not opening up. A great example of how we need to address our own hurts in order to relate to others in an open way.
I love the point you make about women being quite happy to exploit men in subtle ways – like expecting them to pay for things. It’s quite sneaky and it has a lot behind it that for a man must feel quite crushing.
A beautiful sharing.
It is a very special experience to feel a man opening up when openly praised and appreciated for who they are and what they bring. Even more so to see and feel the gorgeous connection between men when they hug each other rather than shaking hands!
We women do complain about the way men treat us, but we are not the best role models. We stereotype and underestimate men and certainly do not show how sensitive we are with them. I am finding as I become more honouring of my feelings and willing to express them, the way men express with me is changing. Another lesson in ‘it all starts with us’!
Last night I met a number of my son’s teachers. Some amazing men. I told them so.
How gorgeous for the teachers to have received this communication. Can’t think of any gift more supportive and more confirming than seeing the true beauty and amazingness in another and through your movements, response or words letting them know.
There is this myth, that men don´t like when you say that they are sweet. I have different experiences. Everytime I express and announce the sweetness of a man and how beautiful that is and how much I honour that, they melt …and so do I.
Just as women need to honour men for their true nature so too need men to honour women in their wholeness, it is a mutual appreciation and thus advancement for everyone equally.
I agree Alex. Life is a training ground and these expressions of appreciation (and they don’t need to be voiced, just felt and moved) get us fit for life.
I love this, the mutual support for each other in expressing our innate qualities in full.
I agree, we can never point the finger towards another- a change starts always with us first. Live, love and express how you want to be treated and appreciated.
There is nothing more beautiful than feeling a man in his tenderness. Sometimes, I find that men can express a greater level of tenderness than women, which can expose, where we are at as a gender to where we should be.
My love for men is in the fact that we can be extremely tender and connect on that level.
“We blame men for treating us poorly and for not appreciating us as women.”
Question is: Do we appreciate and honour ourselves as women in the first place ?
It is a bit unfair to demand it from men/ the outside, when we don’t start first.
How much responsibility do we carry that, we get not treated in the way we want to be treated?
What a brilliant and real understanding of both men and women with who we all are inside, our preciousness, sensitivity and vulnerability. Honouring who we all are with each other would change everything and allow ourselves to expand and open up to each other with the love and support we all deserve.
Women are here to lead the way, to live in our sacredness, our tenderness, our vulnerability, our grace, our strength and by doing so, can support men to do the same.
Women we have to allow ourselves to be vulnerable this reflection will allow men to be the same. Men may react but allow them the reflection nonetheless.
The moment we accept our vulnerability in full and see and appreciate it as the greatest form of our being, reactions towards us will be highlighted/ standing out as such and being understood as self neglect within the other person.
There is nothing lovelier than being in the company of a man who has let go of protection and who is emanating his natural gentle, tender way of being.
Yes, and this in turn enables us to drop our own protection and the behaviour that goes with it.
Of course men are responsible for their own healing and shouldn´t depent on women to offer or do it for them, but the deep healing that comes with a women truly seeing and accepting a man for who he is is priceless especially because that hurt is originally caused by women and as long as the hurt is confirmed over and over again it will be extremely hard for a man to liberate himself from it.
It’s so sad that the world is so harsh and so ugly that we feel we need to build up layers of protection in order to survive. The men are given the role of protectors, yet they are just as sensitive as the women. The world will never change if we all keep falling for this belief. By accepting and honouring our fragility we offer the world a different reflection and another possibility. Without this reflection we will just continue in the same old way and nothing will ever change.
This is a great point Rebecca if we didn’t have to build all the protection and act tough to survive and could stay open there would be a massive change when we all realised that being open is our natural way of being.
It is so true, men and women are so alike in many ways. We have both been raised to believe that for the world to love us we need to be someone who we are not. What an exhausting and futile exercise that is as we only end up harming ourselves and depriving the world of the most beautiful beings we both are.
It’s one thing for a woman to appreciate a man, but for another guy to express their love for a man without reservation can be so challenging for us to hear. The stigma of seeing this as sexual in some way can be at play but I feel the main thing is it clearly shows us when this happens it asks us to connect to this beauty in ourselves. It’s so powerful as you show Anonymous so we certainly shouldn’t get put off by any reaction we receive.
When men allow themselves to express their love for each other( non sexual ), there is no difference to two women expressing. In fact, I have seen more transparency and real openness when two men let go of their guard and hug and express than we women do. We all carry the same fragility and sensitivity in us, we just have to give it a go and allow to be seen . For both genders.
This is revealing that both gender have everything it takes to heal themselves and each other, we only need to do it, i.e. to let go of waiting for the other to make the first step but take initiative ourselves without any condition.
That sounds divine Alex. Let’s not wait for the other to show us how gorgeous they are first before we show the world our own exquisite essence.
This is so very true Alex and so let’s start with not blaming the other gender for the choices we ourselves have made. No one can take away who we truly are, it is our own choice to adapt or conform.
Always our choice. And we have the power to make it.
We need to continually step forwards and be exposed and then repeat this with everyone we meet over and over again.
Very beautiful and healing to be seen as a man. Just this is enough to undo all the falsities that men have taken on from the expectations and needs that were imposed on them.
I love this Anonymous, when have we stopped and taken a step back and instead of putting the expectations on what we want from men? Men totally deserve this level of care and attention, to be celebrated just for being the most caring, sweet and tender men that they are and impact that this would have on all relationships would be beautiful. I have been blessed to witness this and there is so much more openness and deeply respected relationships when this happens. Which can only really happen until we celebrate ourselves for being awesome first and then we can truly celebrate another.
This is a must read for us all, men and women! To me you have hit on some of the most important issues that men and women face in their relationships and so urgently need to acknowledge and change! Thank you.
When we expect someone to be a certain way, overtime if they don’t hold onto the knowing of who they are, they then start to act out and confirm the expectations on them. That’s what I see happens with both men and women. If you approach a boy or man knowing that underneath all the outer expression they are tender, sensitive, caring, and incredibly respectful and loving then they sense that and know they can just be themselves.
We are very quick to blame others for behaviours when they are merely a reflection of our own behaviours.
Yes, great point Paula, if ever we react to another’s behaviour we are resisting seeing what this is reflecting to us about ourselves.
You capture all the ideals and beliefs we have around men and how we as women impact our relationships so well Anon… there is much here to consider and unravel.
The qualities we are born with may lie hidden behind our walls and armour but they never diminish. That spark within us may be small, but fiery and waits for us forever.
This reminded me today of how last year I received a beautiful bouquet of flowers from a man who is married to a woman I know and have developed a relationship with. It was an expression of his appreciation for my kindness and caring for her and their family. It was so lovely that he not only felt to do this but that he actually did it even though his intentions could have been questionable by others. Many true expressions of love are not carried out in full for fear of what others might think. It is great to be able to break through these barriers and allow ourselves to express the love that we are in such simple ways.
The rates of diagnosed eating disorders in young and middle-aged men is also steeply on the rise, so it is definitely time to reflect upon the ways we raise and treat men that makes them feel so unable to cope with life.
Absolutely Janet, that coupled with suicide being the reason for the most deaths of men under 45 in UK and it cannot be clearer that something is not working.
Both men and women have hardened themselves to avoid life’s knocks, but the hardness hurts us all. Men are so tender, just like us women and the more we can be tender with each other, the more love we can feel.
To accept and value the tenderness in a man and to then allow ourselves as women to be supported, loved and beheld with this tenderness is a major shift from the way we have related between genders and will literally change the world when we go for it; step by step, letting each other in, open, vulnerable and honest…
So true Matilda and this can be felt in every relationship when we allow it including between two men – so disarming to not feel a need for protection.
Very true Michael… we all live with so much protection that it has become our normal and ingrained way of living – for both men and women.
I love it when a man expresses their tenderness – in the office or in conversation, with their kids, their partner or their mates. Its a shame that it is not the normal, but if you look a bit deeper it is happening all the time just subtly maybe because there is an inherent lack of confidence as to how this will be met, but you can’t completely remove something that is so inherent in us all.
Yes it is inherent within us all. I was standing in line today behind 3 men. To start with they were all very tall which gave them all a big presence in the shop. But also they were talking to each other in a way that communicated how confident and intelligent they are. Nothing wrong with that, but I could feel that they were identifying with this and using it as a protection. Knowing that underneath the bravado were 3 sensitive tender men all wanting to truly connect with each other made me so aware of the layer of protection that they had put on top. So interesting to observe. I found myself appreciating these men in all their mannerisms, and feeling love towards them knowing the essence of who they truly are. A moment in time that touched me.
We are all so more interconnected then we think we are and with that all do maintain patterns in which we hold men as the ‘soldiers’of society. It only needs a few who do break with these unwritten conventions and become more tender and delicate in our being and our doing that because of this interconnectedness, gives us all equally the opportunity to develop the same.
What I am appreciating more and more, is that the more transparent and open I become as a woman, the more the men around me allow thier guard to drop and start to do the same. It is gorgeous to allow the relationships with the men in my life that I know, and even with the ones that I don’t, to unfold very naturally as my own connection with myself deepens.
As someone who is pregnant with a boy – this sharing reminds me of the responsibility we have as parents and as a community to raise boys who are themselves – who are tender and caring as they are naturally and who don’t feel they have to fit into a picture of society.
The way that we believe the world is colours the truth in such a huge way, that it forces reality to conform and change. We think the issue is life or other people but truly it’s how we perceive others and ourselves. What would our world be like if we just let go of what we think is right, and just felt the essence of life? Thank you for the inspiration, I am going to do it tonight!
Indeed Joseph, we can be caught in a belief of how the world is but by being inspired by someone who lives in another way or colours life differently, we can get impulsed to consider to live the same.
It’s so easy to blame the men for all our unresolved issues. They offer us a deep reflection of ourselves and sometimes we can’t stand this. If we are faced with a tender man it throws us a reflection of our lack of tenderness with ourselves. There is no way we can allow this tenderness from a man if we are not able to go there ourselves so we reject and fight and want him to be tough. What a tragedy when all we want is love.
I totally agree with you Alison, I would have never believed the power of a man in his tenderness and how gorgeous this is to feel. Boy, it is becoming more obvious how much we are missing out by having our men deviate away from that natural tenderness.
The more we love ourselves the more we love men, and also women too, and similarly as well the more we allow ourselves to drop away from protection falling instead into their love. Loving who we are allows another to love us too.
That is a great sharing Zofia, how we feel about ourselves is then what we can reflect back to ourselves from men and women. I’ve noticed this over the years with working with many men, the more gentle I have become and the less hard and controlling, the more men have wanted to be around me, ask if I would like to go for a walk with them on my lunch break etc. because they know they can trust gentleness, as it is them.
I hadn’t seen my neighbour for a while and had heard he was not feeling so good so with the inspiration from this article I brought him a bunch of flowers and gave them to him, it felt a great thing to do I could feel he super appreciated it. – Flowers are such a beautiful gift – why should we just perceive they are to be given to women?
Thank you for writing this lovely article for all men. With the lack of care, the suicide rates and the rise in prostate cancer, we men certainly need to address what is not right in our lives.
I have had wonderful conversations with men about how much they have missed out on not being allowed to show their tenderness and fragility. It often makes them cry when they connect to what they have missed out on.
We have to start seeing that everything is connected and part of the same cycle. We may not know any man who has ever been suicidal or ‘depressed’, but how we are in relationship to each other regardless, how we raise our boys and appreciate people in our day all feeds in to the same reality of what society is like today, and what is the ‘norm’.
How can we expect men to be tender when we as women are essentially walking around as battleships – pretending we’re super tough and trying to outdo the men, I wonder how quickly men would return to their tenderness if women first claimed back their natural beauty and tenderness and stopped trying to compete and squash men – because surely by competing with men are we not asking them to be more of what they are already not?
Brilliant comment Meg, I so agree.
“We blame men for treating us poorly and for not appreciating us as women.” Not only do we also treat men poorly – we also treat ourselves as women poorly and do not value and appreciate ourselves… so how can we appreciate or value another?
The honouring of ourselves both for men and women here is beautiful to read and feel our true sensitivity and vulnerability we all are and allow it out to be felt and lived .
Today, a man’s reaction doesn’t stop me from expressing my vulnerability and fragility. If something is there to be expressed then so be it regardless of what happens from there on, in fact the more I accept these qualities in their truest form within myself the more these qualities are being accepted by the men in my life.
What a joy to read your words – men are so truly tender and sensitive and we need to confirm this so that men can feel their own inner beauty and share this with the world.
The constant pressure that men are under to be in activity all of the time, does not allow for the balance of repose to be equally in their lives, just as it can be for women too. We all require the balance of motion and repose.
This blog reminds me of how responsible we women are to give permission for men and boys to be who they are. And to do that we need to give that to ourselves first. We think we are the gentler sex, yet as the blog suggests many of us are quite protected and uncaring towards ourselves. We tend to blame the man who can’t express his feelings, rather than look at why we are living like this, instead of the delicate, nurturing beings we are.
Thank you for exposing here the ridiculous set up that is going on between the genders. Men already feel rejected by the world from very young by being told it is not ok to express their tenderness and then they start acting in a hard, protected way which obviously is a big turn off and then women(and men) add to the pile of rejection by boxing all men into certain stereotypes which just creates more hardness and protection. The only way I have seen out of this mess is to connect with and support men to express their true nature which is actually very sensitive, tender and caring.
Every man in their essence is beautiful, tender, caring and sensitive and as I learn to allow myself to sense these qualities first and foremost I cannot but express with love no matter what the movements they may be making to protect and cover these qualities. To have understanding is absolute love.
So, so lovely. I gave a male friend flowers for his birthday recently and though he had a mild reaction and was rather surprised, he actually loved them and I felt him feel how yes, he deserved them and could enjoy the fact.
Thank you for such a beautiful blog on honouring and appreciating the qualities of sensitivity, tenderness and delicacy that every man holds innately, if we truly felt this we would treat men so differently, we would treat them with the same tenderness and care we treat ourselves.,
An amazing blog Gabriele, thank you for telling it like it is, in all the ways we as human created our own doors and locks that keep us separate from the God we are wanting to know, all an illusion when we are all held in the magnificence of God’s love.
Thank you for a beautiful confirmation of how loving, tender, gentle and caring men naturally are and who are more likely to express such qualities in all that they do if they are appreciated by those around them.
We do build this quality back into life together, yes; appreciation and a willingness to express going hand in hand.
The more we appreciate and celebrate men for their tenderness – the more they show it. I gave a man a compliment the other day about who he was not what he was doing, and he felt a little uncomfortable, but he also melted. It was gorgeous to see the barriers of ‘tough in business’ come down.
Shutting down my feelings and hardening my sensitivity to the world has also reduced my vitality and overall vivaciousness in life. Could Depression also come from shutting down our feelings?
Absolutely Joshua… we are born to express – not only verbally but in every way we move, so to shut down our feelings is to shut down our very essence of who we are – and that’s depressing, repressing our innate joy, love and vitality.
We only need look at babies to see how we are born to express In full, no holding back. It is all lying dormant within us just waiting to be expressed.
Yes most definitely is the short answer Joshua. So much of what we are ill from is not allowing ourselves to be aware of just how sensitive beings we really are.
Beautifully expressed and a joy to read and feel who we all innately are and the treasuring of this for our men to allow more sensitivity into our lives .
Yes, there is absolutely no reason why a man should feel so alone and unable to express his emotional distress to anyone, that he thinks his only option is suicide. This is the responsibility of us all.
“So often we as women take the men in our lives for granted, focusing on all of the things they do, rather than who they are on the inside.” Man or woman – it differs not, we are all doing this. But if we are not treasuring what we are ourselves on the inside, then we can never treasure that quality in another. Appreciation’s foundation, starting point and potency are all born, nurtured and built within ourselves first.
I love this article. It is a celebration of the true nature of men. We all want love and we are all tender beings. No exceptions.
There are many things that are actually not making sense when you stop and really think about it. To me one of these things is the fact that we love to have a tender man in our lives, a man who does not feel scared to be tender and delicate, does not feel he cannot cry or talk about his feelings etc. but that the way we actually raise baby boys is all about toughening them up with saying they can’t cry, have to get themselves together and so on. In other words creating the though guy who finds it hard to be sensitive and talk about his feelings we then in return don’t like when we are dating.
Yes, there is so much here for us to break down and discard, in terms of stereotypes of men. Each man has a beautiful and divine essence, just like every woman, with unique qualities and expressions. Treating one another in any other way is a dishonouring of who we are.
And make sure to buy men flowers! It has the same effect as putting a new born baby into their arms… the tenderness and natural beauty shine out.
I like your invitation of appreciating any man in my life and relate with them with the knowingness of their sensitivity, tenderness, gentleness.
When we connect with someone’s essence, it can’t but flourish.
I like your invitation of appreciating any man in my life and relate with them with the knowingness of their sensitivity, tenderness, gentleness, … When we connect with someone’s essence, it can’t but flourish.
I love the idea of buying a man flowers and have never really considered doing so. Yet I would love to be bought flowers as it reminds me of the perfection of nature in all its glory and delicateness. One to consider further I feel.
What your post highlights for me is that there is still very much a war going on between men and women. It’s as though there are two sides rather than people who simply need love, support and understanding as they come to accept their deep sensitivity.
Boys learn that the fate of the world rests on their shoulders at a very young age. They are taught that it’s their job to keep others safe and even to go to war if necessary. It’s absolute madness. When we start to treat men with the tenderness and love that they so deserve there will be no battles to fight.
Your words remind me how often we in life condemn others for being closed or shut down. Buy this conveniently overlooks the power we can have by choosing to appreciate and connect.
‘But what if by dismissing and denying men’s tenderness, we are effectively rejecting them for who they truly are? This must create very deep pain, making men even more sensitive to rejection, because when we are shown that who we truly are is not good enough, we get hurt beyond imagination and thus become desensitised, indifferent and in the extreme –hostile.’ This is true but on top of this men choose to turn away from their true qualities to avoid this hurt and seek acceptance however in the process they hurt themselves even more deeply, turning away from themselves and from their connection to all that we all are innately so.
What I am getting is a sense that both men and women are responsible for how we treat and respond to each other. The list of pressures, false images and expectations we put on men are not supportive or loving but what would it look like if men started to not accept these false images and expectations? But, lovingly start to express who they really are, that they are deeply tender, delicate, sensitive and divine beings.
Get the ‘human man’ out of the way and then the true man pours forth.
My daughter recently shared that all bits were kind and tender meaning really caring,I asked where she had got that from and she just said ‘I just know that they are’ I have a lot to learn from her!
Blogs such as these are greatly needed. As women we need to honour and appreciate men for who they truly are, instead of demanding certain qualities from them that are actually against their nature simply to make us feel better about ourselves. A bigness and maturity is required in order to step out of need and allow them the grace to be vulnerable and tender. After-all, is this not what we truly want?
Yes, Rebecca, we are never seeing someone for who they truly are if we are coming from need, whether that is for the perfect partner, father, son etc. It is up to each of us to look at what we are expecting from others that we are not willing to give to ourselves.
The photo is gorgeous … the heart-felt joy is so tangible, and how often do we see or feel a man expressing this, let alone with flowers. The world needs this love and joy expressed – by people of all ages, gender, culture… whether it’s in photos, movies or real life.
It really is about fully, truly and deeply appreciating that we are ALL tender, loving and precious beings… every one of us – there are no exceptions.
Wow, this is an amazing blog … it warms my heart and brings tears to my eyes… absolutely beautiful.
What a gorgeous and heart-felt gift to have a father sharing with his son (or even a son sharing with his father) what he loves/appreciates/enjoys about him. This could be the moment when tenderness and intimacy is re-claimed in both giver and receiver of this gift and women would again appreciate the true tenderness that men are.
” We blame men for treating us poorly and for not appreciating us as women. However, do we ever pause to consider that we might be doing the same to them? ”
What a great question and also remember it’s the women that mother the men of tomorrow.
…and the men that become the women of tomorrow, and the women that become the men..and so on and so on…the point being that we all have so much to learn and unfold in each other, so the more support and equality that we establish and express and live, the more these false illusions and pictures that imprison both genders will be dissolved.
Beautifully expressed Otto.
These false foundations imprison both genders more than we care to be aware of. And it is first the choice by any one of us to live connected to and expressing the natural love, tenderness and equality in our heart that helps turn such illusion and helps set us all free.
Honouring and appreciating a man’s tenderness is properly heart warming for everyone witnessing this.
It is beautiful when a man expresses his tenderness, sweetness and vulnerability, deeply touching.
So true Monica and their is an element of control between men and women in doing this in keeping the other in their ‘place’. Letting go of this allows everyone to express their natural qualities and support each other to do so.
Being open and allowing men and women to be who they truly are is deeply loving and this is something we all thrive on when we are encouraged to be who we are.
The crazy thing is that all of these roles, ideals, beliefs and pictures are created by us to try to validate the illusion of the consciousness of the human life that we created in the first place. So we live these lies to make the bigger lie seem like the truth. And yet all the while our souls patiently wait for us to return inward to our divinity – expressed in pure equality and mutual support by both sexes.
Hear, hear Otto, beautifully and powerfully expressed. It is time for us to let go of our pride, be honest about where we’ve collectively got to and expose the lies that stops us from being who we are.
Thank you for this divine love letter to all men.
In essence we are all equal, and it is beautiful to have these (our) qualities acknowledged.
Enjoyment of self-love brings enjoyment and love for others too. The more I truly love myself.. the more i see how much love another person is – Love dissolves to make it clear.
An inspiring sharing on the true beauty of men and one that could change the world by us all appreciating who we are and from this honouring of the real qualities of others for simply being who they are. ” what if by dismissing and denying men’s tenderness, we are effectively rejecting them for who they truly are? ” an important question to ponder on and see where the world has got to and the hardening barriers and rejection in societies of each other allowing protection instead of the transparency of love.
This blog reminds me of when I took my elderly Dad some roses for his birthday, his eyes lit up and the roses took pride of place in the living room. His face said it all.
Yes the ideals that go with flower giving or gifts that pertain to a certain sex are so limited in their expression. An example like this is showing that why do accept less when we can express more.
I love flowers and have been given flowers too. Felt amazing not because I love flowers but because someone else had seen me as me and not as a stereotype.
Just gorgeous Ruth, what a lovely gift for him which would have touched him deeply.
Women know the innate qualities of men but it is convenient to live the lie, to remain in comfort and stick to the societal roles we have created as it is for men. It is no accident we are where we are.
It can be easy to dismiss men as being callous, hard and ruthless when we witness the behaviour of many men on the planet and it can seem like there is no way that men are as tender, sensitive and fragile as women but have we considered as this blog presents that the behaviours we see in men may just be because of the suppression of these natural qualities in men which I have also observed for myself and know to be true.
Or if not callous, hard and ruthless…on the other end of the spectrum…we are expected to be metro-sexual, doting fathers, lovers, renaissance men. Why are we not simply embraced (and embracing of ourselves) for nothing more and nothing less for who we are?
That’s very sweet Otto, yes – we look at the “negative” pictures we put on men and ignore the “positive” one, when in fact both are not true.
This is a great question Otto… “Why are we not simply embraced (and embracing of ourselves) for nothing more and nothing less for who we are?” It is the full embracing of our true selves, both men and women, that will change the world.
Very beautifully expressed Anonymous. Women and men alike are complicit in the false definitions of both the male and female genders. I’m married to a deeply sensitive man who is very much in touch with his feminine qualities and this has been challenging at times as he shows me how I’ve taken on masculine energy in an untrue way. My husband can be more feminine than I am a lot of the times but in this he is also deliciously and truly a man.
That must be extraordinary to have a reflection of sensitivity from your husband. As you say , it shows how complicit we are in the definitions and expectations of what it is to be a man and a woman.
I love the photo at the top of this article. It speaks a thousand words. Joy, tenderness, love, openness, vulnerability, gratitude, beauty. Simply gorgeous.
“Why do we think that women have the right to express their feelings but men do not?” If this statement is true, and possibly it is, what does this tell us about the behavior of men and women in this play between the genders. In withholding men from expressing their feelings they have to harden in one way or another and disconnect from that delicacy and tenderness that, from my own experience, is equally in women and men. In fact in this play, men and women keep themselves less in their expression what otherwise could be there and possibly the answer to the many atrocities we experience on a daily basis in our societies.
This is such a beautiful appreciation of men, something that is not said enough, often society is very hard on men and I know as a woman I have lacked understanding and appreciation of what men in my life bring and who they are. This is changing and I am feeling it is from healing what I have thought I was hurt about concerning men. Healing myself has enabled me to see the truth in others and this includes men. It is incredible to feel how awesome our relationships can be with one another.
Too many of us live a fraction of who we are with our expression and experience of life held at bay by a heavy layer of protection. It is the greatest gift to see the essence of another past such protection and in our interaction offer a safe space for them to explore letting go and shining their true light once again.
I also love the tenderness and vulnerability of men. It is easy to see despite the layers of protection most have in place and once you see this as who they truly are it is like you have given them the permission to be themselves. It is great to remember that we are all super sensitive beings.
For sure it is important Kathleen, to remember that we are ALL super sensitive beings and that being sensitive is not only the privilege of women as we do ourselves and our societies short when living from this paradigm.
This is so gorgeous to read because the care and tenderness of men is just gorgeous. I’m loving how we actually can’t hide our beautiful essence beneath any protection we think we arm ourselves with.
In “being transparently open towards” to what I read I can feel that the first time I hurt myself and an Aunty gave me a cigarette to calm my nerves? I can now feel how this opened me to filling my hurts, which is only an emptiness that the smoke and subsequent food replacements were all about! And also as you have shared Anonymous men have an alarming “suicide rate” and are also at the short end of the stick when it comes to domestic violence and being murdered by a partner especially in the UK.
So could it be we are all looking for our True Tenderness and will settle for nothing less and the rates of so much of what is going on around our mental health issues is all about us not living in our True “Sensitivity” and “Tenderness”? Claiming Back this level of connection so we are openly committing to “the quality of Tenderness to flourish in men”, and women then we help each other with our reflection!
I found that once I can truly see the sensitivity of a man, I can also see their power and their strength – if you can see one, the entire person can be visible.
Yes Christoph being sensitive does not equal weak (not that I like that word ‘weak’). As you have shared I also have seen great power in men that are not afraid to show and express their sensitivity. It is both beautifull and inspiring to observe.
A man in his tenderness is a true man, and I can’t help myself but fall in love with him. Every time I meet a ‘King’ that is open, willing to be seen and share his sweetness and sensitivity I just melt, feel safe and held. And I know when I allow my preciousness and sacredness to be seen and felt this supports men to ‘come out and be seen’.
It’s so important to change how both genders treat men, as they grow up imprisoned into expectations that are really quite cruel. Our current ideal of what a boy or man must be is very harmful and restrictive – he has to be tough, shut down, non expressive, unfeeling, rough, aggressive, non communicative, insensitive, etc. It’s all a lie and it’s perpetrated by both genders, under the illusion they are doing “good” and helping boys and men fit in and be who they are.
“And should such a gesture make him appear awkward in expressing his appreciation of the gift, let that not be a reason to hold back from doing so again – for men also need to get used to the fact that they are tender and precious.” Yes, to that, awkwardness or awkward moments should never prevent us from expressing what we feel and see, because how could we have true change in the world if we only do what everybody feels comfortable with.
If boys were given the opportunity to express and do as they feel to rather than be measured up to what a “good man” is perceived to be, we would have a vastly different society and many of the cultural issues we get outraged about would not exist.
‘…. for men also need to get used to the fact that they are tender and precious.’ – so true. It’s criminal how society has stereotyped men as being so far removed from their true, tender, gorgeous selves. It’s up to us, as women, to gain their trust through consistently appreciating them for the truth of who they are, finally.
Yes, there are very few role models for tenderness as tenderness also harbours a lot of power.
A power that is often ridiculed or downplayed in society as an unacceptable way to live.
This topic is such an important one to expose. We can never highlight enough the ill of society that does not respect and nurture the innate sensitivity of us all, but especially men. By exposing the ill we can re-address the balance.
Let us face it you only have to scratch the surface a little to find the tenderness in a guy, even though as a society we try our hardest not to let them be tender or gentle. It is ridiculous how we spin a lie and then expect everyone to fall in line with it and those who don’t are ridiculed and made to feel less.
From reading your post “From My Love for Men” … it has most definitely and evidently spawned from the way you write and express, a deeper love for yourself and for all. Beautiful.
“We indoctrinate them from a young age that their role is to protect the women around them and serve as the backbone of the world. So much pressure on those young shoulders” – Great point. Our ideals about how boys should grow up to be strong, protecting men has a huge impact on children and our younger generation. We have to start taking responsibility for our role in creating or encouraging stereotypes and stigmas.
Lovely sharing and so very true – treat a peasant like a peasant and they will act like a peasant, treat them like royalty and they will act like royalty. The same can be used for men and women – treat them as the divine, sensitive, tender beings they are and that is how they will be, the rest is merely playing out a role we think we need to be.
Yes, James, it shows how much we have bought into the roles we play and yet every moment is another opportunity to see beyond these facades and see the true beauty there is, in each and every one of us.
When it all boils down to it we men need to decide or choose to be connected to that gentleness and tenderness, it almost feels like there is blame on others for why we are not, but at the end of the day our choices are where we are at.
‘Men really can be beautifully tender, gentle, and caring. They have great depths of feelings, a capacity for understanding, nurturing and the ability to be great listeners’.
What I observe is that when boys are young they are naturally sweet and caring and that there is not this macho, trying to be tough and hard protection thing going on, boys play with girls and naturally care about each other. It is as the boys get older that the peer pressure and societal pressure takes hold and boys hide their natural sensitivity and try and fit into a way of being that is not natural for them.
Could it also be for both men and women that if they honour each other in their true qualities then they will also be pulled to live their own and there is a hesitancy or resistance to this as we have become stubbornly comfortable.
It is rare to see men receive a bunch of flowers, so I love your suggestion because I can feel men equally appreciate and love flowers as much as women.
Reading this article makes me realise that I have always known this about men and whilst I have got lost in the confusion of how we have come to expect them to present themselves, I have always known how super tender, sweet, caring and respectful they naturally are. Appreciating them more openly is simply something to practise.
Victoria I find it very inspiring to use every opportunity to express my love and appreciation for each man I am in contact with indeed I am really looking forward to do this . . .
One aspect of men is that they can be strong in a way that is complementary to women being strong.
I love what you have written here. On reading this ‘So often we as women take the men in our lives for-granted, focussing on all of the things they do, rather than who they are on the inside.’ what came to me is if we take ourselves for-granted then of course we are going to take another for-granted including men! So self love is the key here as well as appreciating ourselves and others and willing to see and feel another without in their love without jealousy. Many times I have observed men in their sweetness, tenderness and exquisiteness and in turn this has helped me come back to this truth in my body when I have been rushing or hard.
Superb article and so very true. Men are extremely sensitive and what a gross affront it is to their tender natures to expect them to be anything else. How can we as women expect men to give us preferential treatment if we have failed to nurture and respect their true essence in the first place. The pain of rejection hits deep when this immensely beautiful expression is dismissed.
Thank you for this awesome piece of writing about appreciating the delicacy of men, something that perhaps needs to be written about more and more.
“….. men also need to get used to the fact that they are tender and precious.” This is very true as we are so conditioned that to show tenderness is not manly. However, men who express their tenderness are beacons of light for others to follow.
Beautifully expressed. Much more tenderness in the world and we would have a very different world.
‘We blame men for treating us poorly and for not appreciating us as women. However, do we ever pause to consider that we might be doing the same to them? ‘ …. And to ourselves, if we are not nurturing ourselves first we cannot truly nurture another.
The age old blame game, what better way to avoid taking responsibility.
That is a good point. I have a feeling poor treatment happens a lot and affects everybody.
The blame game is so often the go to card in all relationships yet when we bring more understanding and humbleness we are offering what we are so called searching for.
Very true Jenny. How we treat others is a reflection of how we treat ourselves.
I love the call for us all to be more aware and honouring of the sensitivity, tenderness and feelings in boys and men.
The more I consider just the fact that boys are made to think it is not ok to cry or show their sensitivity, the more I realize how important it is to expose any ideals and beliefs we are running with, so that we can see their insidiousness and let them go.
Absolutely free and openly said. A question that needs further exploring is: ”But what if by dismissing and denying men’s tenderness, we are effectively rejecting them for who they truly are?’ Is this not where our root problem has started and hence the trouble and complexity once created thereafter? A question we all need to honestly ask and observe ourselves from. Is it familiar, do we recognize it? Are we finding a way back to true well-being by this question?
“Have we truly given the men we know, and the ones we don’t, an opportunity to open up to us by being transparently open towards them first?”
I experienced this recently at a local shop where I felt very open and transparent and was being served by a male shopkeeper. I could feel this openness being received and then returned as we did the transaction. It was quick but it was there. We both felt very met and held in this openness, with nothing else at play. It was quite exquisite.
Observation I had lately: I saw two young men hugging after an exercise in a workshop. The ( non sexual) intimacy that they allowed in their bodies was out of this world and so beautiful to see. Actually something women could take as a role model, as women among themselves can often be very distanced towards each other, only seemingly very close, but actually not really letting the other woman in.
I agree, men are amazing! When you don´t impose on them being something for you, they just blossom in front of you.
Women could work on the pictures and list of fulfillment men should tick and ask themselves, why they need anyone on the outside to feel in inside!
Its interesting how hard we have become as women, with our high expectations of being great at everything and having the perfect home etc. What is most interesting is how this can possibly influence and effect the men in our lives. Does this encourage men to be the same? Considering this as a possibility is important as “no man is an island”
“men also need to get used to the fact that they are tender and precious.” Thank you for so beautifully expressing how you feel as this helps all men appreciate who they are and not simply what they do that is most important in life.
Whilst society has marginalised and machinised men to be hard and not show their feelings it is men too who have not often questioned this and chosen to see there is another way. I know for myself that whilst I did not have any Make role models in my life living as a truly sensitive and deeply tender man, I have come to realise that I still made a choice within myself to shut down my feelings and not express them. A choice I am now well aware of and am choosing to reimprint.
It is a choice that so many of us make Joshua, male and female alike. What a grace to be able to see, feel and understand that this has been a choice and to learn how to make a new one, the choice to express, share and appreciate our immense sensitivity, what a gift to humanity this is.
I feel privileged to know men who allow their tenderness and vulnerability to be seen by the whole world. We praise men for being hard and tell ourselves that real men don’t get hurt or cry, but it takes a real man to be tender when the whole world is saying don’t you dare.
We do champion men that are hard and don’t cry but that is because We find it too exposing if a man showed us who he truly was. But men are naturally vulnerable and fragile as they too are sensitive beings and that is nothing to be ashamed of as we allow ourselves to be real and honest sensing and claiming the delicacy, vulnerability and fragility within us too.
This blog was a gorgeous read and much appreciated. Even though I always felt I was a deeply sensitive and tender man from a young age, everything around me seemed to reflect that that was not the norm for men. So I began to see myself as almost something special, but in a different than others way, which is not the truth. Because all men share these characteristics, we have just let outside influences change our honouring and expression of them.
Men love to be appreciated just as much as women do, in this we are no different.
I work in hospital and see a lot of men who are very ill and I find that they are just beautiful because their guard is down and they allow more of their vulnerability, tenderness and caring to be seen and felt.
‘We constantly try to reach our unrealistic pictures of what we, our partners and our children should be like, completely losing touch with our most wonderful ability to be the ones who can best support the quality of tenderness to flourish in men.’ The pictures we create of how people should be or how we think we should be are totally unrealistic and take no account of the truth of who we are. When we allow our natural qualities to shine through then everyone gets the support they need.
I deeply appreciate the qualities that men can bring to our lives – when men open up and express their sensitivity and feel safe enough to just be themselves, it busts open the idea that men have to be a certain way or can’t be both strong and tender.
Maybe it is time to bring a change in the way we educate from a young age” As we feel the tenderness we all are, then we do not have to toughen-up, this should be taught in pre-school and then through the rest of our education system? For as shared boys and “men also need to get used to the fact that they are tender and precious.”
I often wonder what relationships between men and women would look like if we removed all games, all pictures, all needs, all beliefs, all of the way society moulds both genders, if we were just us – what would it look like?
Gorgeous, every year my dad buys me a red rose for valentines day – and you have just inspired me to go buy him also some beautiful roses. Why should flowers just be seen as a gift for women?
Men are aware of how tender, deliciously delicate and superbly sensitive they are – they learn to hide and deny these qualities over time and can make themselves into unrecognisable monsters. Women have a huge responsibility here and are turning the tide when it comes to self-abuse; men love and adore this and their tide will turn too.
A beautiful message here . “…completely losing touch with our most wonderful ability to be the ones who can best support the quality of tenderness to flourish in men.” What a great reminder for us as women to honour and appreciate this ability. And what a great gift for the men in our lives if we do this. Just beautiful.
Tenderness lies within every man and woman no matter what a man or woman looks like, what they do for a living or the hardness or behaviours that can take place to cover the tenderness it is always present and can never go away. Sometimes I may find it challenging and so remind myself of the true qualities that are to be found in every man and woman but that is because I have been met with a reflection that asks me to go deeper, to hold and accept another where they are at and reflect the truth of who they are in essence.
This is a great call to support men to reconnect to their innate tenderness and preciousness and something that we can all enjoy being part of.
This blows gender war right out of the water… we are always stronger together.
It’s easy to appreciate [a man] and see their strength when we have or are appreciating this about ourselves. The ‘issue’ that we have with men then is not about the man himself but more so about ourselves.
Possibly now more than ever before men are able to show their tender sides, which we can clearly see is not a weakness, so it is up to us more than ever before to build on this and show the world what we are truly made of and that showing our gentle, tender and loving sides will change the world where guns, tanks arrows and spears have repeatedly failed.
Gorgeous article, thank you, reading this helps bring understanding to why men protect themselves and harden up when they are naturally as sweet and sensitive as women, I see from young the pressure boys are under to toughen up, it is in our everyday language, for instance if a boy falls over its common to hear; ‘your ok’, ‘stop crying’ when they are young and then this language gets more cutting when boys become older, such as peers calling boys ‘gay’ or ‘sissy’ for crying and being sensitive.
Thank you for sharing this – deeply felt by me and I’m sure everyone else who reads it. Challenging our preconceptions and the resulting behaviour from them is so important for us to move beyond what is harming and holding us all back from returning to a truer way of living together.
This blog enlightens and through it I’ve had an epiphany. It confirms men and women have equally had their tender, precious, vulnerable selves, knocked out out of them as part of ‘growing up’. These true qualities, once erased, are supplanted with false ones to get on in the world, be successful, compete, pass exams, be accepted. Acknowledging this has happened to ourselves and every other human being is one of the reasons why we must never judge another or ourselves. In most cases we’re not meeting the true person, simple the mask or front they’ve built to protect themselves from getting hurt. Thank you.
When women accept their true selves we are more open to feel and appreciate the true qualities of men.
A few years ago, veils from my eyes dropped allowing me to see the tenderness in someone I’d previously experienced as hard, brusque, hurried, ambitious and dismissive. Meeting him at the airport and walking back to the car his hand naturally reached out to mine and I held it, with no words spoken we had this instant loving connection between us for the first time. I realised all the other behaviours were a cover, his way of getting by in life, not who he truly was.
This is so gorgeous Kehinde, thank you for sharing the openness with which you met this tender gesture and how healing it clearly was for both of you.
This Kehinde is a very touching sharing, and I can feel the vulnerability in the man who reached out to you. So often I witness the cover up that men use to hide their true feelings and this is such a shame because then we all miss out on that delicate sensitivity they all, we all have.
I gave a man a unreserved hug yesterday I felt he was a bit surprised by my openness but gracefully accepted it and it brought us back to a point of closeness as children that has never happened, so it was very lovely to not hold back love, never with anyone. Sometimes it takes a little while to see the clarity—of none other than ourselves—how we are with men is not a mental reminder, it is how we are with ourselves, how we do not turn down or hold back our fullness equally, it comes from how equal we are with men.
A very tenderising blog. There can be many unrealistic expectations placed on men and it is worth considering how we may have added to that.
Living with three men and working with many more, I see how shattered and rejected they are when they are dismissed for being tender and/or expected to be tough and rough. Especially as women we need to see how awful it is and cutting when we ‘joke’ about men being a certain way… as of course we don’t like it when it’s directed to us also. When given the chance, men love to be able to express how they really feel without being judged for doing so.
Women are very confused about who they want their men to be and this stems from the fact that they’re very confused about who they are.
Such a sweet sharing. You are so right – how can we expect other people to be tender when we’ve denied this quality in ourself? A world full of people embracing their preciousness will be something amazing to behold.
This is so timely – as I was recently observing myself going into hardness and this had a lot to do with how much expectation I had of men and because of that how I allowed myself to go into reaction, more so than I would do with women, blaming them and judging them for not being good enough. I can feel how the lack of appreciation on my part as a woman, in my true essence, was playing a big part in this. Something for me to explore, definitely.
The level of abuse directed at men, under the guise of female over emotional-ness and excused because he wasn’t paying enough attention, he prioritised his friends, you thought you caught him looking at another girl, you think he cheated, or maybe he did – none of those things excuse the verbal, physical and psychological abuse, manipulation and control we can exert towards men. How often do we think we want a man to be open and honest and sensitive, and then brush off this kind of behaviour as evidence that he is gay, he’s being a wimp or a pussy and needs to toughen up – we want him open but not weak and sensitive and able to feel in the very same way we do. Men are not rocks and they are not unfeeling, and the rising statistics of male suicide scream that they need to be cherished and listened to.
This is a beautiful blog. Your sentence ‘Our young boys are taught to be the tough soldiers who never cry or, God forbid, show their vulnerability, because if they did, the big bad world would crush them,’ revealed to me another layer I hadn’t quite seen. Men are deliberately taught to be’ tough soldiers’ because in the conflicted world we have created an important role for men has been deemed to be the soldiers who will go to war to defend the country or ‘territory’. So these tender babes are recruited very young to be channeled into this role – a role that is only needed because of the very toughness and lack of openness and love that you speak of here Anonymous. Men are treated as robots or automations by this out-of control monster called society, just as women have been treated in the same way as child-bearers to maintain the dynasty! BUT, society is made up of US. So what are we doing??
I was talking to a male friend who was not sure what to give their son for Christmas. They had all been ‘tasked’ with a gift for one person, and it had to be hand made. I suggested a love letter from father to son, sharing with his son what the loved/appreciated/enjoyed about him. A friend at the table said – ‘isn’t that normally more of a mother/daughter thing?’ and I said no. Historically yes, but that does not mean that a son would not appreciate it from his father.
And as you say, “should such a gesture make him appear awkward in expressing his appreciation of the gift, let that not be a reason to hold back from doing so again – for men also need to get used to the fact that they are tender and precious.”
Acknowledging, appreciating and honouring the tenderness and preciousness of men is something for us all to practise again and again and again, until it becomes the natural it is.
Such a powerful sharing. We all have a responsibility for where society is at – the stereotypes that come loaded with men and women – and as a woman this is a gorgeous sharing of not holding back the delicateness we are, and appreciating the tenderness a man can bring. It is a joy to know men who are so sensitive – as they, just like women, feel everything.
A very honouring blog for men. So much gentleness and love has been forgotten in both men and women. When we first rediscover this within ourselves we can’t help but see it lives within us all.
When we deeply appreciate and allow these qualities in men, that they are deeply tender, sensitive, delicate, gentle and loving to be expressed, they will naturally shine and any facades of hardness will simply drop away.
Stunning as is the man and are the roses in the picture acknowledging, honouring and celebrating men’s beauty and innate tenderness.
Society does impose so much on men and women, and thus it is for each of us to learn to let go of those impositions and ‘dare’ show our true nature. Something I am still learning to do, myself, in increments…but how much time do I still allow for this before I let my true colours be seen?
An important question Henrietta, and one I also wonder. Like what am I waiting for to let go of what is the norm in society for a woman to be like and show a true delicate, gracefull woman. Maybe this blog!
Yesterday I was reflecting on the term ‘gentleman’ – its origins and how we use this term, less so today than in times past. This word is a clear tell-tale sign of the fact that we have always known how gentle men naturally are. A man is born gentle, not rough. Which begs the question on how we raise our young boys and treat our men for them to behave in a way that is so contrary to who they truly are.
I love what you share Katerina. Yes, the word gentle-man really does apply in all cases because that is our essence underneath. The rough, tough exterior that many men put on is a protection coat over the deep layer of sensitivity that gets hurt when they are not honoured for who they truly are.
It is very natural for me to be gentle and sensitive yet somehow when men are simply being themselves this way, as I have experienced, we are seen as odd or different, perhaps gay etc.. which shows how far away we are as a society from living the truth of who we are.
Yes Rachel, and we can see it simply by looking in their eyes. The outer does not matter – tall, short, skinny, fat, muscly, athletic, whatever it may be, if we connect to the glee in men’s (and women’s) eyes there is no doubt in it.
Waking up to the true qualities of words is very inspiring. I love the word gentleman and use it more and more often when addressing men.
Beautiful, beautiful too to appreciate the true qualities of all men.
When I first was truly met by men who had reconnected to their tenderness and sensitivity it felt absolutely beautiful and it was one of the greatest gifts in my life to be met and energetically held by a man in his natural expression. But at the same time it felt somewhat uneasy as their tenderness was exposing my own hardness and lack of tenderness within myself. Is it possible we as women do not allow men to become tender and sensitive because it exposes how we have let go of it for ourselves?
I would now say ABSOLUTELY!! Before now, I wouldn’t have wanted to admit this to myself, I wouldn’t have wanted that reflection because, the moment I did admit it or even see it before admitting it, I would have to do something about it. The only alternative to doing something about it would be to deny it further and embed the hardness further. So making it someone else’s’ issue is supposedly so much simpler. Massive ouch.
Both men and women have strayed far from their original and natural expression and instead of correcting this we are now also straying towards the opposite genders wayward path. Men are becoming more obsessed with their looks and women are becoming more hard, aggressive and are competing with men to be as manly as they are.
Super sweet blog. The more I hang out with men who are opening up to their tenderness once again the more that rough and tough facade doesn’t feel right, to watch it play out or support it by dismissing a mans tenderness.
I’m continually shown through my own body day by day just how delicate, sensitive and tender I am as a man. It’s extreme and this world has a lot of work to do for it to be so. I know how much more work I have to do for it to be my truth and love.
Thank you for this, a much needed conversation to start in a world where gender roles have taken over how we live.
This is great, as a young boy I can remember how tender and sensitive I felt. Then the other day I heard about a girl who had perfect recall of her childhood and how everything back then still hurt so much when she recalled an event. Now the pain levels were so different to what she was feeling today!! My feeling is that we all harden to not feel the hurts. As I re-connect to my essence everything is starting to hurt immensely again. So could it be that when we regain our sensitivity and tenderness we become child like again to True-ly feel what has happened to us?
We see the tenderness and openness in young boys but when they start to get treated differently ( in school and by society) we somehow think their innermost has changed too. But inside every man there is a gentle tender sensitive being.
I agree that men appreciate receiving flowers too.
Yes we all love to be loved and to love. What ever outside picture we have created underneath it all is a love for love and why would we not make the world loving? It does not make sense at all to have it the way it is with the distance between each other and not much true love expressed.
A beautiful article not only delivering to our world the true essence of men, but also showing the part we as women play in pushing men to harden. We all have a responsibility now to encourage men to connect to their tender inner hearts, because we all deserve to feel it.
Some of the beliefs we have taken on are so subtle and it’s not until they get exposed like this that you realise you have them.
When given half the chance to express their tenderness, I’ve found men usually take the opportunity.
Observing a very close young male relative is very insightful. How ingrained, almost age-old the resistance to ask for help or support is. Like men don’t allow themselves to do that, for if they do they are vulnerable and subject to their own thoughts of being dumb or not sufficient. Treating girls and boys the same: like they are the most delicate beings here on earth that already are perfect and know everything from connecting to their bodies gives them the space to be who they truly are.
Yes men are incredibly precious and tender as we all are. They are also powerful, strong, funny and many other qualities. Sometimes it seems women feel safer going on about how tender men are but not quite so comfortable with their true power and strength of which tenderness is of course an aspect. Let’s not put anyone men or women in boxes ~ it is the responsibility and joy for each of us to express who we truly and not impose, judge or have pictures or expectations of how others should be.
For the record I don’t take my man for granted. I adore and appreciate him every moment of every day.
I like this comment. To allow everyone to be, is the most gorgeous gift, we all then can grow, blossom and be our beauty and tenderness, no matter if we are man or woman.
Such simple medicine and a super effective one at that! All we need to do is meet and love men for who they truly are and we can support them to heal all issues that cause suicide, depression and illness in general.
You raise a good point about the blame game here.. often it’s easier to blame our partners for ‘not understanding’ and not appreciating us.. but how much do we even appreciate ourselves? And if we truly appreciated ourselves, and all of our choices, how might that then change our relationships and allow space in them so that they become a natural extension and expression of what we’re already feeling within, and not a substitute for it?
We all lose when we play the blame game instead of appreciating each other’s innate qualities however deeply buried they are under layers of protection.
Very sweetly shared. This idea of giving roses to a man is interesting, straight away I begin to wonder if my gift would be rejected, neglected or misinterpreted. Strange because flowers are beautiful and almost everyone appreciates them. It is up to us all to start reimprinting this false version of masculinity we have been sold.
Yes Leonne. And we then are all showered with the beauty of a man who is fully in his masculinity, holding himself and all others in the tenderness that he is.
This is super cute ; who’s to say we can’t buy men flowers or gifts of appreciation, and that these things are explicitly for women? Why should men be treated any less tender and sweet than women?
Thank you for righting this blog – I have found it very rare to hear men spoken of in this way however it has also been my experience that we men are very tender and very precious indeed.
I agree men are naturally tender and precious and are just as fragile and sensitive as women, I observe these qualities in boys and men, I have also seen how boys and men can harden to hide these qualities. How amazing it would be if we as women supported boys and men to be their sensitive selves – to encourage and allow these natural qaulities to be lived, and what a difference this would make to humanity.
So true – men’s gorgeous delicacy is actually easy to see. The main issue that we face is kidding ourselves that this isn’t the case
I know I haven’t to the degree I could, I have had ideas of what men should be that have got in the way of the actual relationships we could potentially have. “Have we truly given the men we know, and the ones we don’t, an opportunity to open up to us by being transparently open towards them first?” I am learning and practising being open, holding myself in Love so when I meet others men including they feel that.
I love this:
Men, just like women, are sensitive.
Men, just like women, seek connection and love.
Men, just like women, deserve to be treated tenderly and honoured for these
innate qualities.
Thank you for dispelling the myth that says men and women are different.
Throughout history, young men have trained to fight wars. They are clay that can easily be moulded to do things that are not natural by wiping the tenderness and sensitivity from them. Women are now also being trained to override who they are. Life in general try’s to fit us all into boxes and attempts to mould us into something we are not. Why mess with something that doesn’t require fixing. Men do, even secretly, like to get flowers!
A beautiful sharing. My understanding of men has gone through a 360 degree turn. As you say, men have been blamed for all manner of ills without anyone seeking to unravel the root cause. Attending Universal Medicine workshops and presentations, changed my awareness of what it is to be a true woman and true man. I love being in the company of men and can now appreciate their tenderness, strength and vulnerabilities. And yes, I often express my love and appreciation to men in my life.
It seriously is time for a change and for men right across the board to know it is ok to feel the tenderness we all feel, it’s ok to cry and show our vulnerability and express our fears and just as importantly it is time to discuss why prostate cancer is now killing more men, than breast cancer is killing women and why so many are afraid to be checked for it.
Both genders hold the same gentleness, tenderness, and sensitivities. The world we have created invites us all, especially men, to hide this in favour of a false outer layer that belies our inner qualities. Isn’t it time we all honoured who we truly are and allowed ourselves to simply express this?
Turn my back on myself and I turn my back on those around me including the men in my life. Men are no different to women; we love to be appreciated, loved and listened to and this begins with the loving relationship we are prepared to give to ourselves.
Its a treat when people are honoured and appreciated for ‘no reason at all’ just for who they are. Very precious reminder Victoria.
A ‘world full of social ideals and expectations that are not configured to let them live their sweetness, their sensitivity and their delicacy’, we live in a world that is specifically designed to harass us constantly so that we get dislodged from our natural way of being. The problem is, we have all been so displaced for such a long time, that we’ve all lost sight of who we all are.
This is lovely. I don’t think I have ever given a man a bunch of flowers but why not? It’s never too late to open up to new ways of being and doing things. Very cool.
When we meet all men and women with an equal tenderness and honouring then we feel the true sensitivity of who we all are.
What we think is ‘gender warfare’ is actually gender collusion in the sense that women are happy for men to play less then the stupendous tender beings that they in-truth are, because it means the women are seemingly afforded the excuse to also hold back their true beauty, grace and sacredness. And vice versa.
It’s a great arrangement that serves no one.
Wow Liane, you have just described most of my relationships with men and a big Ouch! Thank you for delivering truth with absolute love.
The struggle that we have with men comes from the struggle that we have with ourselves.
If the whole of society gave “men permission to be who they truly are, their amazing selves” I am picking that the way the world is today would change beyond recognition. And I would say, without any doubt, that each and every man would be celebrating with every particle of his being for finally being recognised for who he truly is and feeling the incredible liberation from releasing all that he is not from his very tender body.
Men deserve to be remembered for the preciousness and delicateness they are.