When I was young I thought love was something that would be given to me by others, and looking back now, I have been on a very long journey searching for love outside of myself. It had never occurred to me that my ability to self-love may be the foundation to true love.
I remember how I used to listen to a song called ‘The Winner takes it All’ by Abba, after a break-up with a boy. Phil Collins and Lionel Richie would also do the trick in times like these, as long as the song would make me feel even more emotional than I already felt. Love songs are great to drown yourself in sorrow and to highlight the feeling that nobody loves you.
Love equals doing and giving?
Love for me has always been a verb, a doing; and that’s what the women around me mainly reflected to me as a child. Love was a synonym for doing and about what you give. Love for me was being nice, polite, helpful, being good and being there for others. It meant saying ‘yes’ while I actually felt like saying ‘no’… and going along with a conversation, even if I wanted to say something different. This showed itself in a constant pleasing, showing sympathy, making time for others and definitely not expressing my truth because this might rock a boat or two. Love for me was about not having arguments or conflicts and keeping the peace, even though a bomb may be lying under the carpet, ready to explode. Most of my life, I have been on a big quest for people to like me.
Love for me, in a relationship, came with quite a lot of expectations. I thought I needed the other person to complete me, as I believed something was missing inside me and I needed a partner to feel better about myself. For a while I was ‘an easy catch’; anything, so long as I wasn’t alone. I was very needy and quite a handful for my partners back then. I had a wild time where I mixed up love and having sex, thinking that the two would go hand in hand.
Love for me was feeling drained after a day at work because I was always helping out colleagues and trying to keep everything in harmony. I hardly ever said no and I was feeling responsible not only for my colleagues but in a way, for the whole of Holland. Love for me was saying yes if someone asked for help, literally dropping everything out of my hands and doing what I perceived was needed.
Love equals ‘being nice’, ‘being liked’?
In my expression I would never speak my truth because I felt it could be perceived as not nice and people might not like me anymore – and I was craving for people to like me. I had this idea that nobody would want to hear my truth, so why make them feel uncomfortable? I felt special and loved because people always liked me and with all the different jobs I have had, I always left with a warm goodbye and I loved the fact that I would be missed.
I have taken pride in the fact that I have rarely had conflicts or arguments in my life and I felt that this was very special. If a situation got ugly I would hold back, not expressing what I actually wanted to say and I would start pleasing and/or pandering. As a family we were always great at hiding issues under the carpet and ignoring what was truly going on: I have played a glorious part in this.
At some point I had this crazy idea that I would find love abroad; so I started travelling, looking around for something, but in fact I was running away from the things I didn’t want to address and deal with. I have tried and done many things, but in the end I was still missing something.
What about Self-Love first?
So then… could it be that love has nothing to do with doing, helping or giving something, but that it all lies in my being and how I self-love…? Could it be that there is nowhere to go and nothing to search for, but that love is inside me and has been for all of my life…? Could it be that I AM love and I will always be, no matter what I do? I have to admit, it does feel quite new to me and at times, I can still feel insecure about it, as in – am I enough…? Shouldn’t I be doing something?
Over the last three years I have become aware that self-love has to do with me being all of me, no matter what. I have come to learn and I am still learning – big time – that love is about expressing my truth, regardless of how many boats I will rock. I have come to understand that love can be very firm and direct and that people might not like me for it. Ouch…
Self-love for me now is saying ‘no’ when my body says no; to really honour myself and the signals my body gives me. It’s a tough one for me, but I have also learned that I am in fact NOT responsible for the whole of Holland but only for myself, my choices, my life and how I live my life, in every single moment. Quite a bummer I can tell you, to realise that I don’t have to save anybody… Love has nothing to do with sympathy, doing good in the world, or being emotional.
Love starts with me, and how I self-love. It’s no longer about searching for love outside of myself. It’s about the relationship I have with myself and knowing that there is absolutely nothing outside of myself that will give me what I feel is missing. In fact, there is nothing to miss and if that feeling comes up, it means I have left myself and I only have to come back to me and the love that I am. From that place, I can be love and reflect love. I am and will be a forever student of love…
I am deeply inspired by the work of Universal Medicine, all the students and all those amazing people around me who reflect to me that I am enough, that I am love.
By Mariette Reineke, Amsterdam, Holland
609 Comments
Thank you Mariette for your expose. You certainly speak to me as one who has fallen for believing I could give love without truly loving myself. I have been getting by (quite miserably) on the “be helpful/be nice” way, thinking I was being loving. As another commenter said, “it will never be that way”. I am still working hard on transforming my dishonest/nice ways to Truth-full loving ways. I see and feel more and more how I need to feel and be loving in myself first for my acts to carry true love in them!
Wow – beautifully said. I agree – there is nothing like the feeling when you realise everything you’ve been looking for and searching for is inside you – incredible.
Meg that simply made me smile “there is nothing like the feeling when you realise everything you’ve been looking for and searching for is inside you – so true.
Hear hear!
Beautiful Mariette that you connected to the love that you are. I also went looking for love and thought that love was meeting a man and receiving love from him and me giving love back to him, but whenever I met a man something went wrong and this “love” felt needy or emotional – I never felt consistently confident, joyful or really myself. As I began attending Universal Medicine workshops I realised that I can love myself and be in my fullness, joyful and confident and feeling beautiful and that this comes from me, not from outside of me.
So true Rebecca, everything in our world, all the fairy tales we are raised with say look for love outside, that we have to find our princes and princesses before we are complete. I too sought love in men, only to find that this left gaping holes in my confidence and self esteem. What a revelation to discover Universal Medicine and understand how to build a truly loving relationship. Its a work in progress and I am enjoying every day of it – developing my own relationship with me, that then overflows onto other people.
This article speaks so loudly and clearly. Tonight I found the sentence, “Love for me was about not having arguments or conflicts and keeping the peace, even though a bomb may be lying under the carpet, ready to explode.” I wonder how many homes have carpets with bombs under them – plenty I suspect. I have sure lived with them. But this blog shows how it doesn’t have to be that way.
I love and relate to everything that has been expressed in this article. Beautiful, Thank you Mariette.
Beautiful blog Mariette. Thank you for sharing and good to read this now as I keep having to catch myself as I fall into romantic ideals. One thing that keeps pulling me out is the connection to my body. The warmth I feel within when I reconnect is beautiful compared to the emptiness of the romantic ideal. Feeling the difference helps me to feel what is True Love and what is not.
Your “Love starts with me, and how I self-love.” Kind of says it all. Thank you Mariette.
Well said Steve – a far contrast from what I thought before Universal Medicine opened my eyes to another possibility and a way of living that comes naturally if I simply allow.
It never occurred to me either Mariette, that my ability to self-love may be the foundation to true love. I thought love was all the things, that you so beautifully clearly hightlighted, it is not. It also wasn’t until I started to attend Universal Medicine presentations that I felt inspired to feel the truth that love is.
Great blog Mariette – so much of it resonates. Yes the endless seeking outside of oneself for love is a futile quest – but one that keeps us on a merry go round for a long long time!
A lovely blog and beautifully written and expressed.
Hear hear Mariette, you have hit the nail on the head here. As a society we have got so lost in the misinterpretation of what actually is. Humanity seems to be under all sorts of illusions when it comes to the true meaning of this world. I like you have spent many years looking for love outside and have learnt that it will never ever work like that. Love is being able to feel what is true in us first and then to see that equally in another.
Thank you for your sharing.
‘Love is being able to feel what is true in us first and then to see that equally in another.’ Well said Samantha – we cannot feel Love with another if we cannot Be Love within ourselves.
Thank you Mariette, what a lovely article to read. It’s so simple and so strong yet something I time and time fall for which is the doing of showing love. Over the years I’ve refused to want to love myself, thinking, insisting and demanding that others do. It is very inspiring the changes that you’ve made with the great reflections of Universal Medicine.
It is very touching reading this and I will take the following words you wrote deeply “Love starts with me, and how I self-love. It’s no longer about searching for love outside of myself. It’s about the relationship I have with myself and knowing that there is absolutely nothing outside of myself that will give me what I feel is missing.”
This is a gorgeous piece Mariette. It reveals so many of the illusions that we carry around and play out when it comes to love. Thank you for lifting the curtain and exposing the magician!
Mariette, You are enough, I am enough – we are all enough just being us.
Thank you Natalie for this beautiful, timely reminder that I am enough; that is “we are all enough just being us.”
Dear Mariette, thank you for expressing with such clarity and truth what I have absolutely no doubt many of us will have believed or possibly still do for that matter, that love is something outside of us that we find in another – but this is so far from the truth. Isn’t it amazing the lengths and breadths we go to searching for love when really the greatest love of all is inside us. “Love starts with me, and how I self-love. It’s no longer about searching for love outside of myself. It’s about the relationship I have with myself.”
I agree Gyl. Its totally fascinating how much time and effort we all put into the search for the elusive illusion that love lies outside of ourselves when there is a bottomless well of love within just waiting to be expressed.
I particularly love the line – “Love has nothing to do with sympathy, doing good in the world, or being emotional.” I’ve certainly fallen for love being all 3 of these in the past but can now see how it absolutely isn’t any of those things. Thank you Mariette.
I whole heartedly agree Fiona, how many of us, I know I for one, have fallen for one or all of the above, emotion, doing good, and sympathy, when in truth love is absolutely none of these, but in fact simply a way of living and being that expresses and is equally with all others, it feels so light and freeing.
Thank you Mariette; it’s wonderful to know that we are not alone. Your music reminds me of Bridget Jones; and the depths of despair that we have all shared when we have invested in outcomes beyond our control! I am just learning the Livingness and am finding you all so lovingly supportive. Thank you.
Hi Maggie, I love that you mention Bridget Jones and the despair……. so much control indeed in how love should be, relationships, what we expect from others etc. We are all learning the livingness, every day, it is such a beautiful unfoldment and I am learning every day. (:
Hi Maggie, makes me think about all the so called love songs that is written. They’re usually quite depressing aren’t they so they shouldn’t be called love songs. Perhaps ‘I miss true love’ is a more appropriate name for them…
Haha. Yes, this is true Matts. They are not true love songs at all, but keep us hooked into the merry-go-round of seeking emotional love.
There is no way you can wallow in a true love song – like one by Glorious Music for example, it instantly lifts you up and inspires you to feel the enormity of love within you.
Thanks Mariette, a very clear summary of what is and is not love. Sometimes it’s too earth shatteringly simple to comprehend that all love is, is stillness, in motion, allowing you to feel the needs of your body to enable you to respond lovingly i.e. to honour your feelings. You made me laugh at with the love songs… How utterly crazy to purposely put on music you know is going to make you cry your heart out that bit harder – I did this repeatedly my whole life up until a few years ago! Thank goodness for Glorious Music, there’s no depressing, cry-a-thon stimulating music to be heard with that beautiful band!
Hear hear for Glorious Music Rachel, true music that does not entice, affect or allow us to emotionally absorb all that it is – but music with absolute power, clarity, truth and love sent straight from heaven!
So true, and absolutely crazy that most of us in the world have used music to keep us MORE miserable!! So true also that Glorious Music is paving the way to show that music can be beautiful, true and life-affirming without the depths of emotion and misery.
As well as putting on music to wallow in emotion, Ive done the same with movies/dvds – and also used food as well, food that didn’t make my body feel too good but nonetheless was a way to wallow in the emotion, and to not feel the truth of things. It was also a way (using music, and movies for instance) to blame everyone and everything else for my woes rather than looking at my own responsibility in everything.
So True! we can use anything really to wallow in so we don’t feel the Truth.
I can relate to what you say about music and dvd’s to wallow in emotion.. which I did in the past. Food though is still something I use to numb myself from not wanting to feel…. I am finding it a tricky one to crack!
This tells the story of so many of us. Thanks for so beautifully putting it down in words.
Yes it does Kevin. I know it speaks for me for sure and yes, for many others. And so beautifully. It is super cool to realise there is another way to love and that self-love is the answer.
I love the reference to the songs – it’s so true – I could name a plethora of emotionally bound songs yet until recently very few about true love. It’s what we’re brought up on and then what we continue to tap into at any given moment. Thank you to Michael Benhayon, Emmalee Benhayon and Miranda Benhayon in particular for presenting us with something else.
Can you imagine how the world would be if every child was lovingly introduced to this blog, and supported to know its truth?
Wow, what a beautiful world that would be Catherine, a world, perhaps, that would be much more in harmony with the rest of the universe.
Love it Catherine! for parenting, schooling the world over – the foundation for life – self love…
“When I was young I thought love was something that would be given to me by others, and looking back now, I have been on a very long journey searching for love outside of myself. It had never occurred to me that my ability to self-love may be the foundation to true love.”
This is wonderful Mariette, a great opening paragraph. Such a treat to feel an expression of such truth and the love with which you write is there for all to feel. A true inspiration, thank you.
Very true Beverley, you have expressed this very simply and clearly. We are all in need of building our own relationship with ourselves so to know that we do not need others or anything, just a deep continuous connection with our own bodies. This article highlights that life is in fact very simple and easy.
Hi Amina so very true, if we do not have this relationship with self it is far too easy to get thrown and knocked by what’s going on outside of us (stress, drama etc), believing it to be us or in us, whereas as you say life indeed is in-fact very simple and ease-y. It is only building this deep and loving connection and relationship with self that then builds that absolute knowing and steady foundation from which we can feel the truth that we do not in fact need any thing or other, yes we can choose be with others or another, but we do not need them to make us complete.
I completely agree with what you guys have said. Very true indeed.
Spot on Gyl.
Great point Gyl – without the steadiness of a connection with ourselves, and a love affair with ourselves where we deeply connect, and learnint to live from our innermost, we are at the mercy of everything around us which can push us from pillar to post like a leaf in the wind with no solid foundation.
When I was young I thought love, approval, acceptance, appreciation and worth would all be things I would be given by another, a magical person who rode a white horse and swept me off my feet adoring me. Yet I was steeped in self loathing, so how would they have got past my defences. I would’t have noticed him if he’d been standing in front of me and certainly not been able to accept his adoration when I loathed myself so much.
To build my own relationship with me has been the key in how I relate to all others, I have the key to set myself free of all that is not loving. Now THAT is worth celebrating.
What a powerful blog and I love what you share here Ariana. I too was looking for love everywhere, except myself, the one place I couldn’t look at that time because I simply didn’t love myself. It was only too when I started to build a relationship with myself and see that I was worth loving, that there was something deeper within me that was worth nurturing that I began to blossom and grow into the woman I am today. The love for humanity has always been there but now I have a deeper love that starts with myself first and then grows from within and touches everyone in my life.
A power-full sharing Mariette, thank you so much.
Wow, I love this blog, thank you Mariette. I am going to read it, and read it, and read it….
Inspiring article, Mariette, thank you, especially the reminder that ‘we are enough’.
I totally agree Carmel well said.
A great blog! I love how you write: ‘At some point I had this crazy idea that I would find love abroad.’ And that is such a key point here, we think that in this situation or that, this place or that, this meeting or that, these will be THE one place where we find the ONE, and yet we are the one all along.
This is such an entrenched belief that certainly haunted me in my life, yet all the while my love which is in me all along is tapping at the window saying, ‘hey, I’m here, all the time I’m here, yoo whoo’.
Ariana, I had the same idea that I would find love abroad, so off I went leaving a relationship behind, as I was so sure my love was on the other side of the world. Sure I found a relationship after 7 months, but that was never true, it was just me fitting in, I could see myself getting lost in pleasing and saying yes. Just like everyone, looking for love outside of me. Two years later I had enough. I hated my job and was trapped in a relationship which was not true. I returned back home, and a few months later had the strength to end the relationship. Through the love and support of Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine, I realised that love was always within me and I never need to look outside, I just need to stop, feel my stillness and connect to that love within me. Allowing me to build a deeper relationship with myself and my connection to love.
Ariana, I love how you write too, always straight to the point and with humour too! Yes, I have been there, done that, bought the tee shirt, looking for love around every corner, always hoping to find true love outside of me when it’s been inside ME all the time, ever waiting patiently. And a BIG thank-you to Serge Benhayon for reflecting that love back to me.
Great points Ariana and all the comments so far. That constant search outside of ourselves is draining and depleting, and feels like a dog chasing it’s tail going around and around in a circle when we are completely missing the point – the love is there and we no longer need to look outside, but simply realise we are the key holder and it was there inside all along.
I love the analogy of the dog chasing its own tail Jane – spot on and so tiring too!
Thank you Mariette, I love what you share. Due to the inspiring support from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine i have been dating one of the hottest babes out – ME! My relationship is deep, tender, funny, touching, exquisite and inspiring. I am constantly blown away by myself and know that this will forever expand and I will just get hotter! LOL
Ariana I love how you say it.
I had certain parts of the world which were special to me because I had a moment of re-connecting to the love inside. Did I ever consider for a moment that it wasn’t the magical properties of the place or some magical circumstance that all came together, but that IT WAS actually me all along, I just hadn’t realised it? Not at all.
I would spend time trying to re-create these moments, re-visiting certain places to find the allusive love that I longed for. I see myself at that time constantly looking out the front door (and often leaving the building altogether). Meanwhile the love that is inside is like a fire in the hearth waiting for me to return and feel its warmth. Now I no longer jump up at any noise to see who’s at the door and though I haven’t fully sat down and appreciated love’s warmth, I am walking towards it feeling toastier!
A key point indeed Ariana – I too had the same thought – I’d move to the UK and fall in love. I did – but it started with the relationship I had with myself first, and that does not need a change of country to do. The ability to value ourselves is a measure of how much we are willing to value others and see everyone as equal, and that is the most precious relationship of all – how are we with humanity. Love does not need to be searched for, it simply needs to be reconnected to.
Brilliant, Mariette. Another gorgeous opportunity to claim and live the truth that love is, and always has been, within us, not something to be sought. Living that, we serve everyone by reflection.
I really enjoyed your blog about what true love is. I used to also think it was something to be gained from outside of myself and was so needy and clingy for others to love me… (not very great for friends and family around me!). It’s been quite a revelation to find that all the love I was seeking was right inside me all along and the amazingness of not needing others to fill me up. I now have a fullness and completeness of being myself.
I also resonate with what you wrote about thinking love needed me to be ‘nice’ or say ‘yes’ to others all the time. I realise love is also saying ‘no’ and nominating what is true and like you am learning to handle that especially when, as you express, a few boats gets rocked. The power of holding steady without reaction is just beginning to develop.
I love what you state above about ‘being nice’ Rachel. Having identified this tendency in me a while back it is still very much a work in progress. And yes it definitely makes waves when Mr or Ms Nice starts to not just ‘go along’ any longer. And this is great, an opportunity to keep connected and just be with what feels true. These points of evolution are so full of grace.
Beautiful how you call them points of evolution. yes, quite some boats get rocked now and then and for me as well, it is very much work in progress and just stay with it, no go into reaction myself and stay open to whatever goes on in front of me. One moment that goes very well, the other moment it doesn’t…..and that is ok too.
Thank you for sharing your insights about love and self love. I find this is an area that I can visit again and again and always go deeper in my understanding and expression. Much appreciated.
Thank you Mariette for this wonderful blog. I can relate to so much of what you share here. I love how you express the beautiful simplicity in how to simply come back and connect to yourself when you feel you are missing something. Indeed we are missing the love and connection to our own selves. Thank you for the beautiful reminder.
I agree Anne-Marie it is a beautiful blog. We are missing the love and connection to our own selves. Life has always been about looking after everyone else with out a thought or care for me. It feels to me as though it something from childhood that girls are brought up to believe they have to be the carers.
Thank you Mariette for this very honest article. It rings so many bells for the way I have always been, especially making everything ‘ok’ for everyone else without an iota of self-love for me.
Wise words from a beautiful woman reflecting true love, thank you!
A beautiful expression of returning to the love within. Thank you Mariette for your honesty and clarity in your glorious blog. It mirrors so much of my own previous way of living and seeking love from the outside. Attending the presentations by Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine over the past few years has supported me to choose how to live from the love waiting patiently within for me to reclaim, reflect and express – yes indeed…. letting go of being responsible for the world, wanting recognition or approval from it and now rocking a few boats as I trust what my body is feeling and showing me and expressing truth from this connection.
Really awesome Stephanie, so true that the love is always there, waiting for us to claim and live it.
I have fallen into that trap of desperately wanting some one and something outside to make me feel loved and appreciated. Learning to bring the love and appreciation to myself now thanks to the amazing presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. I can still feel low at times but when I’m not caught in blaming others and I feel that love in myself, there is nothing that can get me down. The more I appreciate myself the more I appreciate the beauty in others. Love starts with self and it’s simple and spreads like fire.
Love what you say here Laura – “it spreads like fire” – it sure does. The more we take care of ourselves, the more open we are in the world, and the more there is a natural flow and rhythm to the world too.
I love that line from Laura too! – “Love starts with self and it’s simple and spreads like fire.”
“The more I appreciate myself the more I appreciate the beauty in others”, that’s awesome Laura, and I love your honesty when you say you still feel low sometimes, I do too, but how truly wonderful it is to have Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine present to us a way to re-connect back to the love and appreciation of ourselves. For me, this is the only true way. And yes, you are right, it does spread like fire.
This is a beautiful expression Mariette, and one that I can totally relate to. I also have spent my life looking for love outside of myself, but with the support of Serge Benhayon, his family, Universal Medicine, and the student body, I realise that true love is inside of me and it is a simple choice to re-connect to that love in every moment, thank you.
Absolutely agree. The truth is so simple.
Yes, so simple Mary, and having the realisation of this is like a heavy burden being lifted – knowing that we are love on the inside, it then puts a stop to the endless search for love outside of ourselves – it’s so liberating.
Yes, knowing we are love, living we are love, appreciating we are love, expressing our love (our self) in full.
Not bad.
It does feel liberating Sandra that we finally discovered where we can find love that is everlasting.
Thank you Mariette for this awesome blog. I can totally relate to what you describe. As you, I have learned – inspired by the presentations and workshops of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine – that I first have to learn to love myself again to be able to love others. As long as I don´t love myself I will be always in the need of someone giving me ‘the missing piece’. A relationship based on that is not about love at all but is an arrangement. The more I love and accept myself the more I love and accept people. And that makes life really enjoyable again.
It’s amazing that the missing link is so simple yet so easy to ignore or not see. I can remember for decades of my life searching for something outside of myself as I felt empty, and the emotional roller coaster of life was exhausting, and I knew I was missing something but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I tried relationships searching for the perfect relationship, searched in friends and families for the perfect family, searched work for the perfect job, and I searched churches and religious establishments for something – yet in all of these I didn’t find what I was looking for. It was only when I went to a presentation by Serge Benhayon at Universal Medicine that for the first time I realised what I was searching for was actually right in front of my nose, or should I say, in my own back pocket – and that was me – it was me I was searching for, as the primary relationship in my life, it was me who didn’t have a relationship with myself and sought outside of myself for it, and when I found me, I realised it was me who I missed the most. The more I deepen my relationship with myself, and care for myself, the more I love being in the world, and love being with others. How amazing that we are all in our own back pockets, yet somehow we can ignore or not realise this for decades!
Beautifully expressed Jane, thank you….what you shared is my story too.
So true Jane
Hear hear Jane – I’m with you on this one, I too have searched high and low in everything outside of me looking for love (at that time I didn’t know what it was, and it wasn’t until I met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that I found the truth that I was searching for myself, what was inside of me all along. And the relationship we have and grow and deepen with ourselves on a daily basis is amazing, when we are with ourselves there is no looking outside for love again, yes there may be little moments, but we know we have simply dis-connected from that innate love-liness we all are, and it’s just a simple step to come back. When we are connected and have this beautiful relationship with self, we can’t help but feel equally love for all others no matter what they choose.
I agree Jane, it’s amazing that the missing link is so simple yet so easy to ignore or not see… and when you said this it dawned on me, of course! it is quite probable that because we have no relationship with ourselves, we don’t even consider that we, little me, could be THE link, THE ‘something’ we’re missing. And so it stays hiding… what a well kept secret you’ve revealed Mariette!
Indeed Jane, all that searching for decades and realising that it is all in our back pockets and I can so relate.
Yes Jane, it is amazing how far and wide we go searching outside of ourselves and yet all along we were right there – and whats more is our self love is so much more than the love we were searching for.
Jane that is beautiful and funny in a way that we have spent so much time searching for love when all we needed to do is reconnect back to ourselves and it’s there. It is like finding the hidden toy so we are able to play again.
So well said Jane. I have also found that ending the search has not just brought great relief but also incredible joy. Universal Medicine has given me the tools to live the love that I am in the world and for this I am deeply appreciative.
“… and when I found me, I realised it was me who I missed the most.” This is so true and what I have come to realise too… nothing hurts me more than when I have disconnected from myself. “The more I deepen my relationship with myself, and care for myself, the more I love being in the world, and love being with others.” Beautiful.
I love this article Mariette, so full of honesty and insights. In it you have beautifully expressed many of my own self realisations.
I know Doug, this blog could have been written about me too. How I would wallow in self pity by listening to emotional love songs when a particular relationship was going off the rails. Now looking back on those years I cannot believe I could have been so ‘silly’ because it actually made the whole experience worse. I certainly had no love or self respect for myself so I would cling onto the other person as though they were some life preserver! I can now only imagine what a strain that must have been for my boyfriend.
Thankfully through Universal Medicine, I have re claimed my self esteem, I have learnt not to be afraid of life, and I have developed an amazing love for myself, it has grown from fragile beginnings and is an on going development which I have to say I’m enjoying immensely.
Marriette I can so relate to “It had never occurred to me that my ability to self-love may be the foundation to true love.” It never occurred to me either! I have come to realise that the love story is me loving me more each day and taking it deeper, then all other relationships have a reflection of what I build inside – love is inside out, not outside in.
So true Ariana, it never occurred to me either! What fun it is to be learning to live from love inside out and not outside in.
Yep that is exactly it Ariana and Mary, – living love from inside out – wonderfully expressed like that, thank you.
Yes, it can be such fun Mary and Ariana, learning to love yourself from the inside out… and you don’t have to rely on anyone else but yourself! We can give ourselves as much love as we like with no restrictions whatsoever, we are limitless!
Living from the inside out continually shows me how just when we thought it felt amazing – there is even more. A constant discovery of our own limitless love. Now that is fun.
Great that you say that Vicky, it is fun. When things get too serious and complex, it is for me a sign that I am not with myself anymore, And yes, there is always more, more to discover, to learn, to grow and to blossom.
Love it ‘love is inside out, not outside in’. Thanks Ariana and Mariette for the inspiration.
“The love story is me loving me more each day” – that concept is so radical in our world, and yet so so beautiful. Imagine if that were taught and practised in schools and through teenage years. Wow, how would that be?
Yes absolutely Mariette and Ariana, it had never occurred to me either! And I love what you say Ariana “the love story is me loving me more each day…”
Yes that’s so true – the love story is me loving me more each day and with that we can’t but help love those around us more and more each day as well.
I love this comment too Jane Kemp. The love story that has been searched for far and wide in literally right in front of us. The common element here is the willingness to take on the responsibility to stop the search and to get on with the most powerful relationship of all – with me!
Totally Ariana, it is really that simple.
Great point Ariana. The only love story is loving ourselves. I fooled myself for so long with this one! By loving and caring for me more deeply my relationships blossom and become more true and more loving.
Love what you share, “live inside out not out side in” and start with a true foundation of self love.
Mariette, I like the clarity that your article has brought to understand the difference between emotional love and love that is based on a foundation of self-love.
As a ‘bloke’, I found that the concept of self love took some getting used to, until I realised it was simply a matter of taking care of myself. By doing so I found I could be more open and loving to others. Yet if I disrespect myself, I find the focus goes back onto ‘me’ and the quality of my love diminishes… and that does not feel comfortable.
Yes Rod, great point. It is wonderful when this penny finally drops – that by caring for yourself you are able to be more spacious and open with others, but if you disregard yourself it all then becomes about you and the hurt you are feeling, and so you separate from everyone. Simple wisdom for everyone.
So true Janet
I absolutely agree Rod and Janet. It’s taking a quantum leap for my mind to get it but the repercussions in my life and on others when I disregard are enough evidence to tell me that this is the truth.
I love this line Janet, “that by caring for yourself you are able to be more spacious and open with others”, just an absolute lived fact.
I love that Janet – ‘simple wisdom for everyone”
Thanks for your comment Janet, I see more clearly now the knock-on effect that occurs, when we disregard ourselves.
Simple wisdom indeed Janet! I am experiencing this for myself on a daily basis – the choice is always there to care more deeply for myself or go into disregard – it is painful going back into disregard – choosing to be more open with others feels so harmonious within.
I so relate to what you share here Stephanie, I also experience this daily – how does it feel when I am loving and caring for myself and how joy-full it then is with others, as to when I am in disregard, and how yucky that feels, especially the reflection that then comes back – to truly get it …
By holding back our truth from another we don’t give the relationships we are building to be based on quality of love. Pandering and pleasing feels limited; openness and sharing without perfection feels limitless.
What you say here Janet is so categorically opposite to everything that we learn, and everything that we see, that it makes me wonder how come we got things so wrong, especially when the truth is so much easier to live with.
We get things so wrong because when we realise that we are love and start to shine we attract the force of jealousy and we put a higher value on not attracting jealousy than shining. Hence we rather not realise that we are love or, if we do, we still won’t shine.
Christoph what you say is true, I experienced this yesterday I got the direct force of jealousy, the tone of the voice, the eyes, the body language said it all. However I felt it and it did not disturb me in fact I smiled to my self and just said this person cannot cope with me but that’s okay and just allowed my self to be me. This is a totally different way of handling that feeling of jealousy in the past I would have pretended not to feel it while at the same time contracting under it. Thanks entirely to the support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I am claiming my space in life and that this space belongs to me and I am worth the space I have claimed. The workshops and healing modalities I have come to realise are extremely powerful life changers the natural confidence I’m building in my body is awesome. I am no longer a door mat of life but a very powerful woman.
I love what you write here Mary, I am no longer a door mat of life but a very powerful woman. It is our choice indeed to take our space and be who we are. And yes, when we shine we can get reactions like jealousy, but like you, I am also learning to deal with that. For me always letting people in is key and this a beautiful daily practice.
I love this Janet. How you describe disregard and how much self is involved in this. A penny dropped while reading your words. I know for myself in recent years that I have indeed become much more open and spacious in terms of letting people in and letting myself be seen. A letting go of hurts and self. A work in progress for me but your words are indeed a simple truth for everyone.
So simple and beautiful.
I love your succinct summary Janet – simple wisdom but worth repeating.
That’s lovely Janet, simple wisdom for everyone.
It’s a shame that some feel that making self loving choices and putting ourselves first is selfish, but how can it be selfish, if we truly love ourselves first, we then naturally love others more, so no one loses out, we ALL become more open and spacious.
Sandra this sounds like a great deal as it’s a win win situation for everyone.
Self care equals a spaciousness that allow us to really accept others as well. The focus on self holds the world out… I love how a simple sentence holds such liberation when truly understood.
Great points Rod and Janet thank you both. The trick on the disregard; we get the double whammy to us and the reflection goes to others…disregards bouncing all over the place. No wonder it feels so yuk!
Very well said Janet. It makes sense, that we then become Individual instead of letting people in and being Universal.
Wise comment, Janet. The self-care we have for our bodies gives us the quality of thoughts we have about ourselves and can make the difference between, like Mariette described, feeling lack of self-worth and being needy for appreciation or having a relationship with yourself and share the love you are with others.
‘if you disregard yourself it all then becomes about you and the hurt you are feeling, and so you separate from everyone’ Beautiful Janet.
I love what you have written here Janet. When I make it about me, it becomes all about me! And I cut off from the world. And then it becomes less because I do this. But the more I can and appreciate me, the more open I am. Simple yes.
Oh gosh, doesn’t that dynamic play out a lot across the world. Well said Janet.
it does not feel comfortable at all I agree…in fact I notice how it feels so uncomfortable that I actively seek out ways to avoid feeling that discomfort which can drive me deeper into it…the reality is and looking at your comment and this blog that If I just stopped running and felt and honoured that feeling in the first place it is likely it wouldn’t be such a distraction in the first place…
Very true Rod, men and self love need a steady hand on the tiller while they are being introduced. Once the expansion of self care is felt in how you relate and ‘be’ with others then there truly is no going back.
I love how you describe what gets in the way of true love Mariette – thank you.
So do I. Love is not a doing. Love just is.
Me too Adrienne. Love is not a verb but a way of being that is in us from the day we were born. Its precious and unwavering ,the power of that is huge.
I love this too – yes, it is a way of being rather than doing. One can’t do ‘love’ – it is an ‘is’ – being love.
Nothing feels more amazing than being love.