I was pondering about why children and teenagers love to just ‘hang out’, ‘chill out’ and just generally get together with no particular purpose per se. It occurred to me that these were just modern day expressions of what is actually quite natural for us all…
- To just simply ‘BE’
- No agenda
- No ‘to-do’ lists
- Simply BEING and connecting with others
Children often amaze and inspire me because when they are just being themselves they connect to people with such openness, ease, presence and playfulness. The innocence in their eyes and their body just melts any hardness that comes their way.
Children are so inspiring and we have much to learn from them, for when they are just left to simply be themselves, the sparkle in their eyes is bright, the expression is full and they know in their hearts what true love is and what it is not.
So what happens to us when we get older? Where does that sparkle go? Do we forget how to just ‘hang out’ and ‘be’ with each other? We all were once a child with that sweet innocence and honest connection with ourselves.
As adults, how often do we truly connect to this? Yes, we catch up with friends and spend time with family, but are we truly allowing ourselves to ‘BE’ and connect with each other – heart to heart? Are our accumulated protections, hurts and mistrusts stopping us from truly meeting and connecting with each other? Have achievements, goals, and recognition become more important than true connection – leading us to always be ‘doing’ something?
These are the questions I have been pondering on lately as I appreciate and observe the sweet innocence of a child – an innocence that is naturally within us all, should we choose to re-connect to it.
The innocence and openness I re-connected to within myself recently felt so heavenly and natural; in the past this had felt very raw and ‘naked’ to me, which is why I would rarely allow myself to go there as an adult. But there was nothing ‘weak’ about being in my innocence, quite the opposite. The more I allowed myself to stay open to this, the more I could feel the power of my expression that came from this connection of deep presence and stillness.
I then took myself for a walk with my openness and innocence. My chest and heart felt so different – I felt so open to people and the world and my chest and heart felt like it was 1 metre in front of me. This was definitely new to me!
I realised that what I was experiencing was what it would feel like to let people in, to let the world in, to not put up a guard to protect, to allow myself to be fully seen in my sweet natural innocence.
Gosh the world felt so different!
All I had to do was surrender and ‘JUST BE ME’.
In our innocence we are so open and precious and truly divine.
Forever inspired by Serge Benhayon who inspires me to JUST BE ME.
By Marika Cominos, Melbourne
Serge Benhayon: The Natural Philosopher
Inspired by Universal Medicine… Just Being Me
The Natural Love Of A Child
Adults don’t hang out nearly often enough, it seems we’re so busy doing rather than being. Great you’ve put the spotlight back onto the Be-ing.
Yes, Suzanne, I also thought while reading this blog: ‘Ups, I need to relearn this ‘hanging out together’ and just being.’
It is a massive shame that we lose this openness and innocence, but as the world is set up to close us down we don’t stand a chance with all that comes at us. By not feeling the love each and every one of us deserves and feeling things like jealousy, resentment thrown at us and the disappointment of things not being how they should really feel, it is a lot to overcome to hold that childlike innocence.
True Kevin, but we are that world and we can bring the innocence and joy back to the world by sharing our joy and just being.
I had to smile reading your lines Marika. I just did put me on a program of: just being with me.
In the morning I awake and at first connect to my body, feel me, say ‘good morning’ to me. Then I do some gentle exercises beginning with closing my eyes with the impulse ‘to be with me’ and all the time over my day I reconnect to this simple action: I connect to me and then…just be me. And I found that from here all develops, all comes through naturally. I do not to know, think or to control what will come. I am me and the world is coming to me. My life becomes more simple with my program of being with me and I experience an innocence again which is nothing else but graceful and a joy to have again.
This is a great program to be on Sandra! I love it. I love the playful simplicity. I will be giving this a go myself.
I agree Kathleen, the simplicity is endearing. Thank you for sharing Sandra, you have inspired me.
Thank you for sharing, Sandra. I love your programme. So simple. You have inspired me.
Marika, you feel amazing and open and this is felt in your article.. The openenss in you inspires me. Thank you.
I agree Kerstin – the openness is indeed inspiring. It is deeply beuatiful to feel that someone is truly letting you in.
When we look at children and their innocence, we do often wonder ‘when did we lose that?’ Thank you, Marika, for reminding us all that we never actually lose it, and we always have a choice to reconnect and be in the world from that space.
Absolutely. It is all still there – we are treasure from head to toe with a shine that lights up the world.
…and what a role model this then is for children to see there is a way of holding onto it as they become adults.
Great to point that out that we never actually lost it Fumiyo, I know when I connect to it oh it feels so joy-full and I can’t keep that in – it just comes bubbling over.
‘I realised that what I was experiencing was what it would feel like to let people in, to let the world in, to not put up a guard to protect…’ – So often we are not aware of the guard that we put up, a guard that on some level we feel is protecting us but in fact is requiring a lot of energy to maintain. As you say in your blog Marika, as children we are naturally open, inquisitive, wanting to learn from each other and connect to people and nature. This being a natural part of us so to go against this in drawing away from people and the world in reaction to our hurts requires a great deal of effort and energy even if this fact is not being consciously clocked.
This morning I hung out with some women friends and we asked why we hadn’t caught up for awhile. The answer was because we avoid just being with each other and sharing ourselves. It is much easier to be involved in things where we are doing something. We loved being with each other this morning and sharing about ourselves.
This is beautiful to read Sally. I often don’t allow myself to just be with others and be with myself, without having something to do or achieve. I was just talking with a friend yesterday and we both asked at the same time ‘why don’t we hang out sometime?’, it was funny because it was like we had never considered it but it was so naturally there all along.
I love this Sally – a gorgeous reminder of how essential these moments are when we allow ourselves to be and enjoy each other.
This is lovely Sally to have that openness with friends and just to be yourself without outcomes or expectations of how things will be.
Thanks Marika, it’s a fabulous article and an interesting way to look at the world. I have never really looked at this topic of “hanging out and chillin’ ” as they say, but what you have written makes perfect sense. Before I’d piled so many “have to’s” onto myself, and conditions, I used to just hang out with friends totally content that I was enough and I didn’t have to “do” anything. How far I’ve come from that simple place of self acceptance.
“Yes, we catch up with friends and spend time with family, but are we truly allowing ourselves to ‘BE’ and connect with each other – heart to heart?” – wow Marika this is so true, we don’t do what we did as kids, and as adults our catching up is always on achievements, drama, or doing something as opposed to being which often could be determined as being lazy. Yet those ‘lazy summer days’ I remember felt so long and gorgeous with plenty of space. I felt the joy of myself and of the day. As we age, the days fill up to be packed with feeling of constriction, tension.. or not having enough time. The space to just-be, is very beautiful to feel and also to share with another.
Zofia, your comment has made me remember my childhood and those long summer days. That feeling of not having enough time was not there in my teenage years, yet it is very prevalent now. Its a shame that we feel our days have to be packed full of doing.
Oh my gosh, such a great point Zofia, about how we can often assume we are being ‘lazy’ if we are not ‘doing’ anything but just be-ing. This is definitely a belief I have running, to avoid being lazy or being seen to be lazy. So much is being revealed in Marika’s blog and all the comments, of what we allow to get in the way and cover over how naturally ‘open and precious and truly divine’ we are.
I feel we can come back to the sense of spaciousness even when having lots of things to do or to consider, it is just unfamiliar and we haven´t learned how to stay being spacious when planning or doing. Key might be not to be identified with the doing, instead feeling the ease and flow in which things can be done without getting sucked in.
Great point Alex. It is all about the spaciousness and easy in which we go about our day and the only way to have this is to not be ‘sucked in’
to what we are doing: just staying one step removed hanging out observing all. This makes all that needs to be done effortless and it is, as the space isn’t crowded with trying, worrying, signing and wishing you were someone else somewhere else. All very exhausting thoughts. Instead there is an unattached focus with lots of space to be and everything is do-able with nothing being too much.
Yes, Zofia, Marika’s blog is inspiring me to suggest a little get together for a small group of like-minded friends to maybe have a picnic near a local beach or other beautiful area as the weather warms a little, with absolutely no agenda except to have a picnic and truly hang out with one another, each being ourself. We seem to always be so busy in the doing lately, especially me, it feels so needed now, to just let ourselves truly be for a change, open ourselves up, connect and let each other in.
Zofia, I feel that word “lazy” was thrown around too much when I was young and the expectation was that I should be helping out and doing things. It is difficult to just be and have the time to yourself when there is that expectation from others to be something else.
Your last sentence stands out for me “The space to just-be, is very beautiful to feel and also to share with another.” At the moment my feeling is, that space is the healing ingredient for everything. Once I’m in space and not driven by time, life seems to me just wonderful and joyful.
Marika I love this sharing. I couldn’t agree more, that to be as a little child, open and natural in situations that as an adult we close off to and protect ourselves, must be a wonderful thing. Why cant we take a few examples from children and do as you did try it out. What have we got to loose!
The thoughts of rejection play heavily on the minds of mankind. If we learnt the importance of confirming and practicing appreciation with ourselves first then we REALLY have NOTHING to loose, as we do not need anyone else to confirm who we are, but just to share the joy that it is known.
Gosh this raises the point that I do not want to truly take notice of and that is at some point very firmly we realise that being is not enough and that doing gets us seen and heard. A familiar theme at present is the constant need to be recognised and the achiever – almost dismissing the ‘being’ save for when relief is needed from the constant output. As a boy we went from hanging out to kicking a ball and always meeting to do something. If we weren’t playing sport we decided we were bored – even then I can feel how much we shut down that innocence and yet can feel how it was so craved. How is it possible that a ball and flailing arms and legs replaces the closeness of a person with a person?
Innocence is not then lost but unceremoniously dumped in favour of playing ball with a world that holds emotional love as the white flag to life – not truth, not true love, not celebrating the being-ness of each of us. I ache for that stillness now and am working hard to give that back to me – it is me after all I have finally kicked away the ball.
Love what you have shared here Lee and this line is gold: “…at some point very firmly we realise that being is not enough and that doing gets us seen and heard”. This game that we say yes to is what hurts us and thus begins the walking away from our true selves that knows life from the stillness within.
Thanks Markia, I have had the same thought in the past as well, what would it be like to go to a friends house for a ‘play’, not for a movie, a meal, to help out…but simply to hang out, there was such spaciousness from allow this time to just be with myself and others.
It would be so natural just like when we were kids when we would just pop over to our neighbouring friends.
I am reminded of this openness at work where I observe little kids just running up to a group and sitting with each other- no asking, no planning but with an open acceptance of self and others and a knowing we all do belong together.
I have loved observing exactly the same thing in children, Johanna, the way they just go over and join in with a group where they feel to, without holding back, feeling they shouldn’t, or that they’re not good enough or perhaps not welcome etc etc Just a spontaneous openness and acceptance of where they are impulsed to go. Simply gorgeous to observe.
It quickly is thwarted is what I have observed; by 6 there is hesitancy, rules to be obeyed, the social conformities come in more than their natural desire to be with each other in play and harmony.
I had that conversation with friends recently, too, Johanna: “Whatever happened to just “popping in”?” I asked. I recall in my childhood, people were always ‘just popping in” for a cuppa or a chat. Now it feels like we are imposing if we haven’t consulted diaries, synchronised schedules and ‘created a window’ of time to converse with someone – and that’s with friends!! Is it possible we have lost some trust in each other, that a cuppa can no longer be just a cuppa, but will most likely have an agenda? Or is it that we have become so manically busy that we claim we haven’t the time to engage in such non productive pursuits? Or are the visits tainted with more doings and we are exhausted so we can no longer deal with them? Hmmmmm…
I used to just pop in to see my grandmother and I loved it..No agenda, just being together and talking. I can see now how I have got caught in the, “well I’ll fit you into my diary”, which sounds ludicrous as I write it. Its sad too that we can reduce each other to a line of time in our diaries.
I too have observed and love this in children, that they can spontaneously choose to run over and ‘be’ with someone in their fullness. The adult in me has learned to be cautious, to suss out if it is okay to do that, then only half open myself up watching out for any signs of the person saying ‘no’ and if there is a no to take it personally and to close down again. It is exhausting just writing it! How freeing is it to be able to just walk over with the simplicity and openness of a child, without a rigid expectation, and if the person says no, just simply say ‘oh okay’. In that case merely clocking that the person doesn’t want to play today is as significant and as dramatic as it gets.
This is Awesome Joel and I absolutely agree. Playtime should not have ended at 16/17/18 years of age. It should keep going!
True Joel. And I remember as a child how we really knew our friends – not by how well they did at school, what car their parent’s drove or what house they lived in, but we know them by their quality, their essence…We could say that some of us knew our friends more truthfully in those early years of life than we have known anyone since.
I remember having ‘no agenda’ and no planning when it came to hanging out and playing with friends as a child… it didn’t matter what we would do when we hung out, it only mattered that we were together and that was it.
Yes and what would it be like to come together in the same openness as kids do? Maybe to allow this initial shyness and fragility, gently feeling each other finding out where the other is at, without the need for any pretentiousness or hardness.
Your comment got me, Joel. I don’t really know how easy it is in your part of the world” to go to a friends house for a ‘play’, not for a movie, a meal, to help out”-here in England we have so many roles and conditions, you simply can’t pop in to someone’s house without week or two notice. (I some times break the rule and it feels awesome!)
But I do remember the time in Lithuania when all my friends lived five minutes walk from me and at the end of the day I was coming to my friend’s home just to sit down together in the kitchen, drinking tea-not even talking-just being together. It actually makes me sad not having the same opportunity here for such a long time.
That is a wonderful thing to be able to pop into someones home, hang out. I used to live on a boat and had that sort of close community. Yet I feel more connected to people I have never met and speak to very little.
Marika, I just had a lovely experience again – having attended a presentation by Serge and Natalie Benhayon last night, the topic was about truly surrendering and what that actually means and how that would look. So just reading your blog again and seeing one of the last sentences in your blog saying – “All I had to do was surrender” – was awesome to be presented with first thing this morning. I just love the symbolism of it all!
Surrendering to others but also moments in life that are presented to us. I am learning that there is much to learn when we allow ourselves to surrender. I am also feeling more of an acceptance for others and these moments recently.
“In our innocence we are so open and precious and truly divine.” So simply and beautifully said Marika and there is much we can learn from children who if allowed, naturally live like this most of the time
“In our innocence we are so open and precious and truly divine.” So true Marika! Thanks to Chris James I have been able to explore expressing with the innocence of a child and it is truly joyful to let go and let out all the love that is within.
Wow Suzanne, how beautiful; I feel that too when I have worked with Chris James; singing in a way that allows me to just express myself, who I am, without any need to be anything else.
Beautiful Suzanne – and by the power of reflection, when we let that joy be seen we also allow others to feel it within themselves. Thus we know the true depth of Joy and Love within our bodies by knowing it in our Brothers. The equality in childlike innocence and playfulness is something the world is starving for.
Me too Suzanne…Chris James is a wonderful practitioner for exploring innocence and expression. Highly recommend him.
As do I Marika. And as Chris James shares; “we were all born with a beautiful voice” and that voice, the voice of the innocent child, although more often than not dimmed as we get older, by our life experiences, is always with us, waiting to be re-ignited, and with it the re-connection to our innocence and our natural joy.
We can learn a lot from children – their innocence and connection, their natural focus on Being rather than Doing, and their ability to call out what is happening thanks to their enormous wisdom.
Agreed Peter. This is so true.
To hang out with others with no pressure of having to deliver something but just be myself is a great relief. But in times gone past I have felt some anxiousness around am I enough as I am without doing for others.
When I do let myself just be me, it’s soo soo delightful – for me and for everyone around me. My natural playfulness is there in full, not dampening it down in case it is ‘too much’, or dismiss in any way by another. But it’s also a vulnerable process at this point in time, because what’s also there still is that hurt of having felt dismissed or judged, even if this might have been just one instance by one person. We can hold onto hurts and make them huge, they become walls and we hide our true nature behind those walls… It’s very sad to feel this, that the real us is literally bursting to express, to play, to connect with our brothers and sisters and let them truly come out to be seen too.
Knocking down those walls with a gorgeous specially made hammer is the way to go!!
So true Katerina, in holding onto our hurts and making them huge we miss out on so much of being a live and in turn others miss out on so much of what we can naturally bring just by being ourselves.
I can totally relate to all you say Katerina. I am currently feeling this vulnerability pop in every now and then.
Yes I know this delightfulness you speak of Katerina, such a natural ease and playfulness. When we surrender and allow ourselves to simply be, those imaginary walls dissolve and we can throw away the hammer as well:).
….And can you imagine Katerina (and all) what work and workplaces would be like.. if we were all being ourselves, the joy, fun, ease, productivity through collaboration, the direction of a company and the purpose to work itself would completely shift away from self-interest towards base-line unity. All of us want to hire, work and be managed by with people who are REAL. The future of work is our workforce being real.
I agree Zofia…”All of us want to hire, work and be managed by with people who are REAL. The future of work is our workforce being real.”
Yesterday a colleague came to work wearing a tutu like skirt – it was gorgeous and very much her being herself expressing through the way that she dresses. I said you look like a princess and we had such a lovely conversation connecting with each other. I love how she doesn’t hold back her expression through what she wears.
I can really relate with what you beautifully share here Katerina, and I recognise that I can still hold back my playfulness as you say because of feeling judged and hurt and very vulnerable in this situation. Time to bring in more understanding and let go of these restricting hurts.
We all have so much to learn from each other in the way we are in the world and the way we live…life is a constant learning, and what is so inspiring about your blog Marika is your love and joy of what children/teenagers bring that comes through your writing, and your openness and willingness to learn from them and reflect on this. And I guess this stands out especially with teenagers as they are often referred to in a negative way – its gorgeous to feel you haven’t pigeon-holed them and feel so inspired with them.
Allowing ourselves to Just Be drops away all the tension of trying to fulfill all our self-imposed ideals and beliefs, which are totally exhausting trying to uphold – perhaps this is why there is so much exhaustion, anxiety and stress in the world today?
Yes – it is hard work trying to be what we erroneously think others may want us to be like, when really all we want is to be with ourselves and others in our true way of being.
“Hanging out to simply be me” – this is truly beautiful. I have felt pictures, rules and complexity get in the way of this, but never has it not been there to connect to and surrender to when I so choose. The moment we stop playing those outer games. Thank you Marika for sharing from your innocence; the beauty of just being with no imposition – a quality rather than a record.
The innocence is what we all so deeply miss when we’re not being ourselves, and then go about seeking it from outside of us, in another, in a TV show, romantic movie, thing. But nothing measures up to the joy and amazingness that is all pervasive and expansive of the innocence of being the real us.
Our ‘innocence is what we all so deeply miss’, true, it is beautiful to behold.
Children have so, so much to offer simply in just being themselves… as adults we tend to complicate life and not see the simplicity that is right there before us in the beauty and innocence of a child.
I would love to hear more Marika about how you re-connected to your openness and innocence.
Ok Paula, I will give it a go…
I was having a session with a practitioner in regards to expression and I really wanted to look at and clear a long term pattern/protection of mine that I could see was sabotaging all of my relationships. This pattern was the protection that would come up in my body when I didn’t feel safe around people and so my expression would come loaded with harshness. This was not the true me as I am naturally so sweet and very delicate. So in this session I really explored my expression from this place of sweetness with the practitioner, and my whole body expanded. It felt safe to let the practitioner in and express from this place of sweetness and delicateness. At first I felt the ‘rawness’ and sense of ‘nakedness’ that I had previously judged and wouldn’t feel comfortable staying in for long, but then with some guidance I changed my perception to see it as ‘innocence’. It then started to be and feel ok and I could explore letting this person in. Not only could I feel the delicateness of the innocence that I had surrendered to, but I felt an immense power in this quality, something I had not felt before. With my body and heart now open I took this into the rest of my day.
This is beautiful Marika. It just shows that change can happen when we surrender and allow ourselves to be. Your blog gives confidence to people who hide away their vulnerability, in case they get hurt or it is seen as a weakness. I could easily picture the disarming ability of children, how their openness and innocence does melt people and how easy this felt. I have also found that the world feels like a completely different place when my heart is open.
Beautifully expressed Fiona. The world does feel very different when we let ourselves simply be ourselves. It’s not the scary place we can think it is, a place of competition and survival to make sure I’m OK amongst a fierce rat-race etc. We see the world full of people who are just like us deep down, doing what they do.
How gorgeously true Fiona Lotherington: “the world feels like a completely different place when my heart is open” – this feels so inviting, without protection but trust, inclusive and fully engaged with society and life itself. This is love. This is the way to live life.
Indeed anything else is living a measured life. Before children lose their innocence they do not hold back what they feel or think and share themselves openly without protection.
It is like connecting to a different aspect or dimension of the world and life from where the caught-in-doing version is seen for the absurdity and lostness it actually is.
Yes, a whole new perspective which allows one to be in life without being a product of what the current world would have us become. Such simplicity, yet also grandness when we live with an open heart.
You make me aware that indeed I experience too that if I open up to innocent I let people in.
Its a delight how this feeling bubbles up in you Marika, that you heart is so big and grand and naturally huge. What a wonderland the world is when we are simply being ourselves.
Yes Joseph we have our very own playground to be wondrous in.
Our world can either be our playground or our prison and what determines where we stand is simply our choice to be the love that we are, or not.
You cannot spell it out simpler than that Liane. To be love or not to to be love that is the question that decides it all!
Well said Liane. “Our world can either be our playground or our prison”. When in the prison we fail to see that we are the only ones who have the keys, that we constructed the whole thing and that at any moment we could simply walk out into the playground.
Liane, that’s a profound and true statement and very well said.
It is a wonderful delight Joseph to feel the Joy of another claiming themself.
Yes it is Rik. Truly appreciating someone instead of going into comparison is such a joy.
I loved this ‘My chest and heart felt so different – I felt so open to people and the world and my chest and heart felt like it was 1 metre in front of me. This was definitely new to me!’ It made me want my heart to be 1 metre in front of me letting people in as well ? You are right about how when we get older we can carry hurts, old or ill beliefs and ideals and even bitterness and resentment of previous choices we have made in our lives that have not been loving or honouring ourselves. It is important for us to heal these and not put them on another especially the younger generation. Our job is to nurture them to be all they can be.
Yes Vicky, I can feel more and more with how much protection we walk around and meet each other – it is such a fake number. And it is boring too, we miss so much of who we truly are and what we bring and can share with each other – it is so much more fun being together in our natural ways and children are a great example for that.
People often said to me that I still had this child’s innocence, but in the sense I was naive as a child can be, not being realistic about how the world ‘really’ is. And yes I have to be more real about how the world is, but I now see that this innocence is truly a quality which I may treasure to the max. And your article sure helps in this realization. Thanks Marika.
Great point Willem, this has been said to me many times in my life as well, that I am naive and that I have too much trust in people. True, we have to be realistic and yes, there are people that behave in a not loving way, but nobody can ever take away my innocence and the love that I feel for others.
This is something I have not yet allowed myself to fully feel – that openness and expansiveness of just being me and letting people in 100% -however I have seen incredible changes and your blog Marika is very encouraging in knowing that there is more. Thank you.
Me too Shevon – I look forward to the day when I can finally drop my habit of measuring and open up fully – 100%!
Marika this is really glorious you are walking this way on earth. After reading this I feel to clock when I go into protection at home and at work. It’s me, no-one else, who chooses whether to let go and be, to appreciate my innocence or to stay squashed in under what I think’s protecting me but is just keeping me under. Very lovely to read how amazing life really is.
I was at a Sacred Movement class* last week and when we first moved we experienced how we were not letting each other in. The room felt fragmented and we were like isolated pods all doing our thing. This was pointed out to us and it was suggested that we move from our (feminine love chakras) with our chest open and a willingness to let each other in and not from our hips or from our shoulders, remaining closed to the other. The difference in the room was huge, it instantly changed to us ‘being’ with each other, letting each other in and being able to see each others divinity. To think we walk around most days in the first way is nuts when you consider really how easy it is to ‘be’ with each other if we are willing to drop our protection and guards. *http://www.unimedliving.com/natalie/sacred-movement/sacred-movement.html
Mary-Louise Myers I can absolutely feel the power of what you share here about moving from our (feminine love chakras) with an open chest and willingness to let each other in. When we are open in that way, it’s a natural impulse to want to connect with others, it’s like we are love magnets for each other and we love being together.
This is a powerful sharing Mary-Louise Myers and it makes so much sense in my body, which is already re-configuring as I read your comment!.
That is beautiful Mary-Louise and it shows to me how when we stay protected we are continuously perpetuating the separation as you experienced and is it not exactly tho separation that hurts the most? As you say, it is rather nuts.
Mary-Louise, I agree with you whole-heartedly, I also experienced that and it was absolutely exquisite to feel the difference in myself and in the room when we made that huge change. We felt such a sense of brotherhood in the room from our openness to let the others in. I now am much more aware of feeling that self-love area when I walk, and I find that my shoulders are held much straighter now, it is amazing. As soon as I slouch even a little, I really feel it. How wonderful it will be if we continue to take this out into the community, just being with ourselves.
Wow Mary-Louise, that is amazing, ‘it was suggested that we move from our (feminine love chakras) with our chest open and a willingness to let each other in and not from our hips or from our shoulders, remaining closed to the other.’ I love the changes that this simple different choice made, and how easy for us to choose this in our life.
Great sharing Mary-Louise. It is indeed very simple if we sharpen our awareness of how our body feels like and if we have any tension anywhere, when we are with people. Changing our bodyposture changes immediately how we feel and if we are in guard or not.
Thank you Mary-Louise for sharing how simple it is to open up to others. It does not have to be complicated and a long journey, often the tools are really simple and stunningly enriching.
Lovely sharing Mary-Louise, you show so clearly in your expression how to move openly and how to move closedly – this is what we can practice in all our movements, walks and general being in our day, thank you.
Being ourself is the greatest way to meet others with an open hart, sharing all that we are. Hanging out like children and teenagers do is just this sharing that what they are in the joy of being together.
Yes Benkt, it is great. You remind me how particularly for men its like we think we have to organise a trip and event a sports match or visit to a pub, when deep down all we truly want is to be with each other.
I feel that Joseph – and you said it beautifully – all everyone really wants is to truly be with each other, with all that they/we are. It would be so great if that could be brought to the men too that none of that ‘eventing’ etc is necessary, that true connection with each other is possible with a lot less effort…
Yes, and it’s similar for women, even getting together for coffee, shopping, nights out etc… is all filled with conversation and a way of being with each other that is so separate from the equalness, joy and instant connection we had together as children. We seem to be able to fill our ‘being’ time with ‘doing time’ which appears like we are being intimate and building our friendships, but we are missing out on the real intimacy we crave.
Although I agree that all everyone wants deep down is to be together, just being together for most people is acutely uncomfortable. I have spent my life watching people’s behaviour and men especially need the golf, the darts, the beer, the BBQ as a buffer between them and another man. The discomfort when the majority of men come together without a distraction is palpable. The reason why men in Universal Medicine can be so comfortable and intimate with one another is because they have dealt with a lot of their pain and returned to being true men. When we are being our true selves then we are drawn to others like magnets but whilst we are harboring our hurts we are repelled by others for fear of our hurts being exposed. When our hurts are hidden we hide ourselves but when our hurts are up and out we lay ourselves bare for all to see.
Yes Benkt, the difference is that children have not yet taken on all these beliefs and ideals of how they should be and therefor can easily be themselves without many expectations. When expectations do get in and not met and they get hurt, they still know how to deal with it. Friends can be in a fight one moment and in the biggest hug in the next. We may not be able to avoid getting hurt every now and then but we can choose to bring understanding to a situation and let go of the hurt then and there.
I can feel in what your sharing Marika how the focus of getting together becomes about the activity. This does cause a great distraction from the simplicity of being together. I love the idea of hanging out with no other focus than being open to ourselves and each other.
Sandra, so true, when I get together with family it always seems to be about what we are doing rather than just spending time and hanging out. I will remember this the next time I visit. Thank you.
Exactly Sandra, it is so true – coming together because there is something to do instead of just ‘hanging out’ openly and lovingly, sharing and being. So much more joyful when we truly be with each other just for the sake of being close and connected.
On fire Marika.
Just reading about your appreciation towards children and their simple, love filled way of living is inspiring. I was in a shop the other week, and there were adults and children there. I sat there, observing everyone, and it was incredible that all the adults were not talking, they were on their phones or caught up in their own world, but there were 3 children who had never met before and they instantly started talking to each other, colouring together, laughing together.
They spotted me and all came over to me to talk, and it was just so open. The conversations I had blew me away; no holding back – just saying how it is. I absolutely loved this moment with them!
Yeah, I love how kids just say it how it is…no filters 🙂
Kids have a sharp radar for adults that are open and truly see and feel them in their ‘BEING’…these kids felt that in you Hannah.
I have chosen to not have kids of my own this lifetime, but each time I pass or come into contact with children I make that connection with my eyes and a smile – no words needed just a meeting with our hearts.
‘ I love how kids just say it how it is…no filters’ and also the way people respond when we do the same. Sometimes words just come out of my mouth, a feeling expressed openly, with love, and even surprising myself. It happened last night I captured the truth of what I saw, out came the words. The other person received it, and smiled, unable to miss the truth and humour in my words.
Love it Marika just to connect with a child and no words are needed ,that innocence is a joy to be in.
I love experiencing that in the swimming pool with the babies, Paul, they gaze and gaze at whoever they meet, and I find that the mothers try to make them smile and wave and respond artificially, already encouraging them to DO something in order to communicate, whereas that gaze met with an equal gaze is enough, and most beautiful as we take each other in fully rather than replacing it with an action that already builds fences between us.
Beautifully said Marika. ‘I make that connection with my eyes and a smile – no words needed just a meeting with our hearts.’
Yes that is great Marika, there are no words needed with kids just a look in the eyes and everything is said. ‘Hi I recognized you and like what I see. You are ok. Have good day!’ Or ‘Cool to see you here.’ Or ‘Look what I have found while shopping with mum. I know you like it as your are the same.’ All kids eyes are speaking like this.
What beautiful story to illustrate Marika’s blog, Hanna. The openness of children is a wonder to enjoy.
I love your further illustration here Hannah of Marika’s awesome piece of writing. No holding back in those children or being caught up in should and shouldn’ts; you obviously have those qualities too for them to recognise they could engage so easily with you. Magic that is there for all adults if they would take a moment to notice.
That is a great sharing Hannah about how easy and joyful it is to connect to children by just being there.
That’s it – just being there, fully present in the moment and open to connect – it is so beautiful how we then can be with ourselves and others, the quality of time spent together is just awesome then.
Beautiful sharing Hannah, I cannot get enough of kids too. I loved how they just came over to you – they felt you were connected. No holding back – Life is that simple. Is it not ironic that as adults we are so called more responsible, and our only responsibility should be to remain connected.
Wow Rik, I think you have nailed the true meaning of responsibility. In this there is no excuses and everything is a delay of returning to our very natural state of being.
Hannah, what a beautiful example of what we are talking about here…thank you for sharing.
Such a gorgeous example Hannah Morden, the children reflecting to you your openness that matched their own such that they trusted what felt true to them. Beautiful.
What a lovely example Hannah, that helps to illustrate what this blog is sharing.
Hannah, that feels gorgeous. Thank you for sharing such a lovely moment of connection.
Adults can be so caught up in their own world, they miss the beauty of time, space and others around them. Not these children you came across Hannah. They felt each other and you in the natural appreciation and being-ness and you were all drawn to each other.
Spot on observation, Hannah. The children go for connecting and they love being together. No protection shields or separation with a phone. Thank you for sharing this gorgeous example.
Gorgeous blog, I like your writing style. It confirms to me that being me is enough, and that if we look at children, we actually can see them as a true example of connecting to our same inner-playfullness – instead of hurts, critic etc. etc. As we would not critise a baby for who she or he is , right? Interesting point to further ponder on. I can feel that I have let in the way certain behaviors based on pains and ressentment that brought me to a point of disliking myself and at times even take myself down for it. But then again, once I became aware of the fact that I can not continue in this self-destructing way, I found out that this behavior (based on old hurts) actually do not define me, and for sure this is not who I truly am.. I found now that I have started to look at the investments I have in life that keep me away from loving me.. This dedication is bringing me exactly where I need to be – Just being me! I can feel with my daily honest reflection I am able to see things clearly and I am learning to not react to my previous choices that where based on hurts instead of love. Understanding is something I deeply learn with this. Understanding that I am beautiful also with mistakes or choices that I would never make again.
Danna thank you. Interesting point you make regarding daily self-reflection. This is so vital in our development so that we can begin to separate the ‘what is’ and the ‘what is not’. Therefore we can consciously choose the truth and make our lives about love.
”Truth has to be chosen all the time otherwise it simply is not true.
Danna, that is true, “we would not critise a baby for who she or he is”. We allow babies to be who they are and let them be as they are in those early stages of development. It doesn’t make sense we then start to put expectations and judgements on others and ourselves from about the age of 3 or 4 onwards. The push to prove our worth as soon as we start school is intense. We then follow the road of not feeling good enough and lack of self-worth. When we learn, as you have described, that these behaviours do not define us we can begin to break free of them, appreciate our worth and allow ourselves to “be” again just like we were once as babies!
As I grew up there was more and more focus placed on what we DO with another instead of just to BE with another. It felt less and less comfortable in my body with more and more tension about what expectations may be there with what we have to DO. BE-ING is so natural and so simple and I wonder if we begin to place more focus on DO-ING instead of BE-ING when we begin to close off from letting people in.
Hear hear Joshua well said, and I feel the truth in what you say here: “..if we begin to place more focus on DO-ING instead of BE-ING when we begin to close off from letting people in.”
True Joshua. I also feel that when we focus on roles and positions rather than quality of being, we lose our innocence.
Yes, the moment we begin to focus on the outside at the expense of our connection to ourselves, it all starts to go a little pear-shaped! We feel the hurt of the loss of innocence, simplicity and fun in our lives but keep searching for something outside to soothe this pain – perhaps if we do more, be more we’ll be able to get that feeling again? Nope, tried it and it doesn’t work!! This doesn’t mean that we all need to run around chasing butterflies or making mud pies to re-establish the connection we have lost – we can still live full, responsible and dedicated “adult” lives but we can do this with our connection to ourselves as our priority, something that is consciously developed and appreciated each day, rather than something that gets relegated to the bottom of our “to do” list.
I totally agree Joshua. It starts in the early teenage years, those pressures of life to constantly ‘DO’. Its time we as adults begin to live the truth of who we are again so children can see they have a choice to be who they are as teenagers and beyond.
I agree Joshua and Karina, as you say ‘if we begin to place more focus on DO-ING instead of BE-ING when we begin to close off from letting people in.’ We become more focused with how being together and spending time should look like instead of truly connecting with the other person.
I agree Joshua, that was definitely in the adults agenda when I was a kid!
We had to be doing things, It could also be that some adults were trying to keep us busy to ensure we were not bothering them!
In schools in the UK they are now starting tests at a lot younger age. It is currently about numbers, statistics and testing, testing, testing. This does not support us to just be and that we are okay it tells us to do and try. We have a lot to change.
I agree, Vicky: there is a lot of pressure on children to always be doing and achieving – in education, yes, but also from parents and from themselves, too. I work with children and find I am often asking them and their families if they feel the children are taking on too much; it’s not only about the academic stuff in school, but also the competitive sport outside of school, the music, the dance, the drama, the guides, the scouts……and then resting becomes about the movies or the computer games: in short, a childhood version of the adult life so many live today. So where is childhood? Where are those lovely, long, open potential days where we used to just and wait and see what unfolded in the day?
Hi Coleen, gosh I have never seen it like that ‘a childhood version of the adult life so many live today’ but you are absolutely right, that is exactly what it is. It is like we as adults say ‘well that is what life is anyway so they may as well start now!’ This makes me see that there is so very much more we need to change on so very many levels, starting with ourselves first so we can give the younger generation support to be all they truly are. They have it really tough at the moment, it is the knock on effect from generations and generations not seeing how they/we have lived is what is causing the harm now.
Yes Vicky, I have been reading more and more of this big push to test children, quite ridiculous and clear that nothing of value will ever come from testing children like this. If they replaced these tests with an appreciation of the uniqueness of each individual child there would be much more gained for everyone. The energy wasted testing children could be spent on developing innovative ways to make education more inclusive and less bog standard, thus recognising the different ways we learn and express our amazing qualities. If Albert Einsten was right that everyone is a genius, wouldn’t it be of immense value to develop a way to honour this. Then the magic might really happen and we wouldn’t have so many adults unable to express with the beauty that comes so naturally to children.
It feels like our ‘do-ing’ can be the protection we use to keep people out. While ‘be-ing’ opens our heart to let people in.
I feel you are spot on with your feeling Elizabeth – I know I have so often used doing as a form of protection to keep people out yet deep inside I was yearning to let people in.
I agree Joshua, the focus is very much on the doing something together instead of being together. What I have found though is that the doing together can be a great tool to learn to being together again. Doing has become our crutch to be able to say I love being with you. But instead of relying on the crutch/doing we can just use it as a fine tool for being together.
And we are after all human Be-ings not human Do-ings.
…and in this innocence is such simplicity. Nothing to plan or aspire to just being and doing what each moment is asking for.
I can’t really relate to your comment Michael. I fought most of my life fighting the world when presented with when am I ‘going to grow up’. I almost always did the responsible things adults are meant to do. We all have to grow older but why do we have to grow up to others standards of what we should be like. I have always enjoyed just being me.
That’s the beauty of children Michael, they don’t project themselves into the future, they just enjoy the beauty of the moment, because what else is there but the present moment.
Michael I feel that’s the key, as adults we become involved and serious toward life. We have lost sight of the child within, we can still be responsible and dedicated… and retain the innocence, simplicity and joy and appreciation of each moment.
So true Merrilee! When our approach to life becomes too serious everything becomes an effort, there is a heaviness and a feeling of dragging oneself through life – doing life as opposed to enjoying it. By simply reconnecting to the simplicity and lightness and sense of fun we all had as children (and still have within) – our whole approach to life changes and there is such an ease with how we are and this flows through to what we do and how we relate with everyone around us.
Hannah, I can really relate to how difficult life becomes when I make it serious. Watching children play is a sure way to come back to knowing life was never meant to be serious.
“…and in this innocence is such simplicity. Nothing to plan or aspire to just being and doing what each moment is asking for.” How freeing is that…
“In our innocence we are so open and precious and truly divine.” Being our natural playful selves releases the innocence we have within. It really is just for us to allow our whole divine selves to be seen by the world and there is no better feeling in the world than that. Simply amazing blog Marika thank you for taking us on such a joyful walk with all of you.
The world becomes magical, and playful when we surrender and connect, let go of striving, perfection and roles and do not hold judgement of ourselves or others. Children reflect to us living in rhythm with the joy and ease of life without attachment, investing in outcomes or needing it to be a certain way and their aliveness speaks for itself.
Yes children know how to be just them and just be so divinely -they are a great inspiration to us all to reconnect to that.
I love how kids interact with each other and even if they may not know each they form a connection instantly. It is their openness and joy that really lights a spark in my heart for me to trust that we all hold this equally too.
I appreciate that too Kelly and I sometimes do this – “I love how kids interact with each other and even if they may not know each other they form a connection instantly.”. I love the opportunity to stay as open as I possibly can and really listen to hear and know a person not long after first meeting them — love it!
I am constantly inspired by children ~ their innocence, playfulness and wisdom…and their ease with life and whatever is right there in front of them
Yes. Children are our forever teachers, showing us what we have chosen to walk away from and what we can return to at any time, for love is who we are.
I am inspired by them too Sara. I also love their presence – just being with what they are doing in each moment so wholly and completely. I love how they can also know exactly what to do to support others to be playful and joyful in each moment too.
Very true, children can just be with what is in front of them, they allow life to just unfold and have no preset pictures on how their day will be or needs to be.
Yes they are so in the moment and connected to that moment and all that that moment brings. This is something I continue to practise ongoingly …
Children are an amazing example of people who just want to be in the presence of someone, else but have no agenda and not objective. Just the freedom to talk to one another is magical to a child as they can connect to the others essence.
So true. They don’t have an agenda, they are not thinking ahead about the conversation and there is a joy in the moment.
Yes they are Sarah and this article is a great reminder that we can just be ourselves with no guild or protection should we just allow ourselves.
Having spend a lifetime of ‘doing’ and very much in motion and in a momentum, I came to realise that many of the activities I was doing were in fact a distraction to avoid being with myself. As I develop a relationship with myself, I am beginning to allow myself to appreciate and enjoy the qualities I had as a child when I was more freely able to ‘just be me’ – being more playful, more joyful, more open, and more able to ‘just hang out with me’.
This is so true Angela- how come we got to be so busy and in so much motion and actually believed that this was the way it was supposed to be! We often protect our children from this busyness and encourage them to play and enjoy themselves but we don’t do it ourselves! It is a bit worrying though that for many children their lives are so full of planned structured activities such as music, ballet, singing, gymnastics and other sports including after school extra tuition in different subjects, that we are role modelling our motion for them at a very young age. We need to be looking to them as role models for how we express rather than imposing our way of living onto them!
Good point Anne, it seems to be all upside down. Children today often seem to be over-committed to one after school activity after the other with lives jam-packed. Often it seems to be because parents feel that this is doing their best for the child but to me nothing could be further from the truth. As Marika says children are great at just hanging out, being and playing, and we have a lot to learn from this instead of turning them into doing and achieving machines from a young age. We should be learning from their joy and playfulness and letting that inspire us to let go of constant achievement orientated doing. As Marika says we have lost the art of simply being.
I agree Anne, I was one of those mothers who believed that if I introduced my children to a lot of activities then they would have plenty to occupy them and have a good foundation for their teenage years! How exposing is that! It means I also felt I had to engage in doing and filling my own time rather than just being with myself and letting things unfold from there. It does seem to be very prevalent for many in our society that we can’t trust our children to be themselves any more and be totally natural. I feel this has also been encouraged by women having to employ others to look after their children because they are working. I met a nanny the other day who was telling me she had to find things to do for the little girl she was looking after. This seemed to be coming from imposing her ideas rather than developing the relationship with the child out of which would come shared enjoyment.
I agree, Angela and Anne, we have become great human ‘doings’…. and like you say Anne, many parents impose that on their children from very early, filling up their diaries with after-school commitments most days of the week.
We as adults really need to re-connect to the ability to take the time to chill-out, and to just be, to give ourselves those moments to stop and feel, and appreciate.
This is a great point you raise Esther that we indeed are filling children lives up either with ‘leisure or sport’ activities to attend or making sure they have plenty of entertainment to keep them occupied. The ability to be and play spontaneously then is not developed or the appreciation of being with self and others.
I agree with your expression Esther of we having become great ‘human doings’ – and I have found in the past my behaviours would lead me almost into a vortex of doing doing doing, like there was a force that was insatiable, wringing me out. I remember there were always the ‘to do lists’ that were ridiculously long and satisfaction was not guaranteed until all the boxes were ticked. What a ghastly way to treat one’s body, mentally, physically and emotionally. Thank goodness it was suggested to me that it doesn’t have to be this way, and I learned this at the presentations of Universal Medicine. Now I can feel the true love and value for caring for one’s body, appreciating the fact of it being a vehicle of expression, to be valued, nurtured and definitely listened to.
Definitely, some children’s lives are those of busy executives fashioned around their parent’s ambitions, aspirations and agendas – jostled along to this and that activity at an ever increasing pace so that all the boxes have been ticked and future success apparently guaranteed. And at what price?
Yes Gabrielle I hear of children being whisked from school to be taken to sport training, to ballet, to music lessons….. Our children become surrogates adults with no time to play or hang out with their peers. We adults impose our hardness and business on them and later in life do not understand why they are too busy to visit or chill out with us.
Gabriele, I have witnessed first-hand the extremes parents will take to shape their children’s lives. It is often their agenda at play, not the child’s: the right school, club, team, competitive sport, exam success, all come before everything else. Regular scheduled activity for children is now seen as the marker of being good parent, not the quality of parenting or relationship you have with your child.
How we raise our children is so key. Less agendas and more connecting from the heart would serve many well. I feel you are spot on in your observations Kehinde2012 when you say…
‘Regular scheduled activity for children is now seen as the marker of being good parent, not the quality of parenting or relationship you have with your child.’
Children just want connection and would be very happy without the activity list. If we are raising kids that are starving for connection, its no surprise we spend out adulthood dealing with our issues.
Anne I think it’s a great point that you make about the busyness we place on our kids. I think it really demonstrates how disconnected we have become from our innate way of being when we are unable to remember or feel how important it is for kids to simply be. Many parents schedule things into their children’s day as tightly as they schedule things into their own day. So many households run like military operations getting everyone to all of their activities on time, kids eating in the car and doing their homework in the car. There is so much motion, in fact there is so much emotion in motion it’s no wonder people are feeling combustible !
Angela I am taking some time to deepen my relationship with myself at the moment. Thank you for what you have shared as it will be valuable for me to appreciate the qualities I have and to make sure I am sharing them with everyone.
So very honest and insightful Angela, that you “… came to realise that many of the activities I was doing were in fact a distraction to avoid being with myself…”
I have felt this too, only realising what I was doing once I stopped moving and doing. It feels a bit uncomfortable at first for sure, but once I get used to just be-ing (aka hangin’ out – thanks Marika!), this feels much lovelier and freer and more open to life.
I like what you say Angela, you made me wonder about my actual specific qualities and values I had when I was young, and to honor them now.
Angela I can so resonate with what you are saying. I have spent years distracting myself from avoiding what I don’t want to feel, that way keeping myself away from discovering what lies beneath the façade that is not me. Once I decided to stop and feel, and take time to ‘just be me’ I began to truly enjoy hanging out with me, as deep down I know that all I ever needed is inside me, just beneath the surface. This love inside me does not want to be kept hidden any more, it does not belong inside my body, just for me, it yearns to come out and share its joy with everyone.
I can so relate to this as well, Angela. Doing and being busy is so much more familiar for me. I found ‘simply being me’ quite challenging. What I also love about children is how much they can appreciate themselves, without any holding back. Very inspiring.
Great point Monika, I found ‘simply being me’ quite challenging as well. I just could not fathom that I was enough just being me, I constantly had the feeling that I needed to prove myself in some way to be accepted. I am slowly coming out of that deep seated pattern but can see how insidious it is, it keeps us capped from sharing our most natural gift, which is so beautiful described in this blog by Marika.
I too have found ‘simply being me’ challenging. The more I surrender and let go to be with me the less there is a need to distract and keep myself busy. I am learning that ‘simply being me’ comes first.
Angela that is so true – so many of the ‘activities’ I have done in my life have been nothing but distractions away from myself. It is very liberating to see it for what it is and be open to let go of the distractions.
I have also found great hiding by being so engaged with doing and achieving things in life, that is was very uncomfortable to just be with myself or others without having some task to do. Now I cherish being me without hiding in role and outcomes.
Work can be a great distraction. Involving oneself in many projects can be a great excuse of “I have so much to do” that we then don’t simply hang out with not only ourselves but our family and loved ones. I have been guilty of this in the past and neglected my son as I “had so much work to do”. I let that be an excuse to not be with him and is something I have to constantly watch.
This is a good point. If we are busy playing a role and ticking this box and that box, we are far from surrendered to ourselves and what quality of connection are we then taking to another?
I agree Nikki. We can always find some thing to do and make it as an excuse to not connect to our children. I am guilty of this too but what I am learning is that it is about commitment. Sometimes I will ‘hang out’ with them but I am not consistent with this. This is a great reminder to build this more into my day.
I can relate to what you are sharing Nikki. I have been also very much neglecting the precious moments to just be with my children and others in the past. There was always something else and a mindset of this we can do another time. At some point I got aware of it and started to make a conscious choice to enjoy every moment of the day and not to postpone these moments to another time. This has helped me tremendously to start to really enjoy people and the pressure ‘of what is next’ has ceased. To live in the moment and enjoy just that moment until the next one comes is a very still and spacious and joyful way to be. It is not my every moment life yet but more of an every moment life every moment more.
That’s a great idea Angela, ‘I am beginning to allow myself to appreciate and enjoy the qualities I had as a child when I was more freely able to ‘just be me’ ‘. I am going to see what that is like.
Yes, just being ourselves, letting others in, whether we are doing something or just ‘hanging out’ – the key is to be all of who we are and to simply express.
I loved this Marika. I so agree that there is endless amounts of wisdom we can learn from children. Their infectious joy really does make you stop and ask – when did I stop being like that? Giggling, chortling and singing away as I felt to. It is time to return to a more consistently joyful way of being, and children shall be my new roles models in not holding this back!
Learning from children makes so much sense – way more fun than learning from adults.
I agree Tamara as children express what is exactly there for them in the moment. I met a new ‘little person’ a couple of days ago, aged 3, and he just started talking and playing with me, no judgements or shyness – purely living by his feelings, it was glorious to feel that in him.
Know exactly what you mean Amelia, it’s so wonderful to observe children and how they play together, and how in the moment they are with what’s going on. I also love seeing babies or toddlers in their buggies as they look around with such clear eyes taking in everything …their sensitivity and being so gentle and fragrantly smooth.
Yes Zofia, I was working in a home recently where there was a young child playing by herself, happily talking to herself, playing with her toy and singing, although she was totally aware of my presence she showed no self consciousness or inclination to reign herself in, she was just totally present and in the joy of what she was doing, it was truly lovely to observe this natural openness, and to feel it is available to all of us when we connect back to our essence.
I often notice and enjoy this in kids as I walk around the shopping centre. The parents will be walking ‘correctly’ and sedately, whereas the kids will be skipping, waving their arms around, basically expressing whatever they are feeling. It always makes me smile, seeing kids (and brave adults) moving in a playful and free way without a care for what others might think. It is so crazy… we are all holding back so no one judges us. Wouldn’t it be easier for us all to just be ourselves?
Not only woud it be easier, but also so much more joyful and liberating – apart from breaking the chains of walking correctly and in line with what is considered ‘normal’. Walking ‘norm-ly’ is still far from naturally – how our true nature wants to express. Today I will go for a kid’s walk and see how my expression will be.
Fiona, I felt a resonance when I read ..”we are all holding back so no one judges us.’ For me I know that I have been hurt and shut down by judgement in the past and can feel the layers of protection that are still there. How important is it to support children to trust themselves and their unique expression and to learn not to absorb others’ judgments. Imagine if primary schools had a theme every year where judgements were explored from different angles and children learnt how truly harmful it is both for the one judging and potentially to the one being judged! Many primary school children would not know what it means to judge another!
I’m with you there Zofia, I love how babies completely see you and meet you. We all remember this, could that be why everyone comes running when a baby visits a workplace? It’s like a love bomb has dropped in, and most adults drop their guards and become so much more playful and light. All this because the baby is just being.
Ah Amelia, you like I have felt like children can be our new role models. This is a wild but amazing concept in the creation of existence. For it is the elderly that we usually look to for support and guidance but to be inspired and deeply aligned to children and their way of being is extraordinary. I will have much much fun pondering on this and watching this in the future.
My feeling is we can look for inspiration in everyone and yet children so often provide a purity of thought and action that we as adults have diluted. It is the simplicity that children provide that alone is a great benchmark for how to live free of doubt and complication.
It seems beyond comprehension that as we grow up we allow ourselves to lose our connection with our natural and innate simplicity of just being.
I recently watched my son at a Universal Medicine event and he was so gorgeous. He would go up to someone and sit on their knee and have a cuddle. He felt safe, he had the space to be himself and he chose to be all of him. Some of the recipients of his cuddles he knew but there were some that I wasn’t aware he knew. On the way home I asked him if he knew them previously and he said he didn’t. It was so beautiful to have watched this and to see how he was received. He was so open and did not hold back either in letting others in or letting himself out.
How lovely Nikki, we can learn a lot from the natural openness of children. I love watching children they remind us of the joy and lightness we naturally are.
Ahh this is so beautiful Nikki McKee, yes children instantly know and respond to the great warmth that love is being communicated from an open or honest body, which says ‘come on in, the water’s warm’!
It is such an important question to ask Amelia! As a society, we have just accepted that “children are like this” and “adults are like this”. Why have we stopped expressing this joy, openness, playfulness, innocence and presence that we experienced as children? When did that happen? What a simple choice to make – to reconnect to these qualities that we hold naturally within us and living from there. And yes, we are all teachers in this world!
I had the great joy of watching little kids play with each other this weekend. They were young enough that the boy and girl differences had not kicked in yet. They were in the absolute joy of each others company, and just so deliciously silly. What I love in watching them is that I feel it bubble forth in me. That silly rambunctiousness has not actually gone anywhere, it just got covered in layer of seriousness that my newly developing appreciation for myself is clearing away. The seriousness, I have discovered, was only ever paper thin and just as flimsy.
Underneath…tenderness, giggles and an bubbling well of silliness
I love what you express here Rachel, it makes me want to giggle from the inside out, it feels so lovely and playful, and I am not sure what rambunctiousness means but it sounds wonderful! The world would be a brighter, and much lighter place, if we all allowed our bubbling well of silliness to come out and play, just like the children, who just enjoy themselves for who they are.
I can feel this too Rachel, that the natural joy, innocence and playfulness I felt as a very young child actually never went away, it just got hidden beneath a facade of seriousness and complication. How delightful it now feels to be reconnecting to these parts of myself once again and allowing the layers of protection to melt away.
Thank you for your comment Rachel, and Stevie and Sandra for your comments, reading each one I could feel the tenderness, giggles and a bubbling well of silliness……what a totally delightful feeling, and it is true Rachel, it has not gone anywhere, it is there just waiting for me to open to its expression.
It is lovely to read your comments Rachel, Sandra and Stevie, ‘the natural joy, innocence and playfulness I felt as a very young child actually never went away, it just got hidden beneath a facade of seriousness and complication’, I can feel how I did this, that I became very serious, it is lovely to feel how these playful qualities are still there, as sometimes it is easy to think that silliness and playfulness is just for young children and that it is not a part of being an adult.
I recognize this very well Rachel. I was thinking lately that I missed this silliness and laughter, Where did it go? It didn’t go anywhere it was there all along! And now it is coming back. By committing more to be with me, that part of me is re-surfacing. What a great joy!
I very much agree with you Rachel, our tenderness, lightheartedness and bubbling ease we can observe in children and know ourselves from our childhood is right there beneath the seriousness we have thought life to be. It is a way of being where what we do becomes less important and the joy of being with oneself and others is what counts.
That is so true Rachel. I have grandchildren coming to stay very soon who are so deliciously open and loving and very very caring. They are awesome to have fun with and I am so looking forward to just hanging out and making it up as we go along. Looking forward to expressing more of my own tenderness, giggles and silliness.
Gorgeous Rachel Mascord, and so too all the silliness and giggles ha ha. Just yesterday after my work meeting and walking back to the office, I noted the passing school kids about aged 5/6 walking together in pairs with their Teacher in front..I melted at the absolute cuteness of the two boys holding hands with each other so naturally and their sensitivity as they walked together. Sweet! Unaffected by ideals, beliefs or customs, leaves a person free to walk, a beauty to behold.
Yes we do have a lot to re-learn or come back to…. as we were children and we lived that once and soon changed to fit in. We made a choice to leave that, we can make a choice to come back to it.
We can learn so much from children because they are born with innate knowing of how life could or should be and for us to think we have to teach them anything is a totally false way of living.
Children are wonderful role models of how to just be…they don’t need anything to make them feel joyful, they just naturally are and they find wonder in the smallest of things.
I know what you mean Amelia, just yesterday I was taking a five year old back to class and she just skipped and swung her arms about, I just loved it and pondered exactly what you have shared, when did we stop doing that? Being so free to just do what our bodies want to do?
I experienced the joy of giggling as I hung out with myself today. It didn’t last all day but this blog reminds me that it was once my natural way of being and thus I can live this again.
Lovely sharing Sally, I enjoy a good heart-felt giggle too …
My younger siblings even, were often quietly in my mind my heros! May the giggles of the children around the world be inspiration for all of us.
So true, Amelia. I deeply appreciate a child’s ability to just let go of things and move on from them in the instant that an event is over. Floods of tears one moment, laughing the next. We could all learn so much just from that one trait that we all once had.
Thanks for the timely reminder Amelia. As a society we can get so set up in focusing on the “what is not’ rather than connecting to what we truly are and the playfulness that we all bring each and every day.
I love how kids can come up with the best games that pretty much involve nothing but card board boxes. We provide all the bells and whistles and what interests them most is the packaging! I love kids honesty too. There is a lesson in here somewhere.
Yes the honesty and innocence of children reminds me of what is truly important in life.
So true Amelia. The way children often are is super inspiring. The way I see them move and play with so much innocence and joy can sometimes be exposing and hard to deal with as I can see how much I have not moved in that way in my life. When we feel this most try and shut the children down
I agree Amelia – children can offer us a huge reflection at any age – just to watch the space they allow for themselves, the gentleness they live, the honesty they share – is very inspiring 🙂
Allowing ourselves to just be, how could it have become something we need to rediscover? What becomes so important as to consume us whole? Sooner or later we find actually nothing can give us anything close to what we find in the joy of simply being.
Beautifully said Giselle and yes, what has happened to humanity that we are now ‘working on’ letting people in and expressing all we are, unreservedly so to people equally? This is such a natural state of being for us yet protection and hardness has become the unrelenting norm. Children reflect the ease and simplicity on offer by just being ourselves.
Yes Rachel, when we let go of trying to fix ourselves and allow ourselves the space and grace to simply be – everything is a whole lot simpler, and much more fun!
So true Hannah and beautifully expressed
Yes! Brilliantly said Hannah. Letting go of the need to fix others and myself and just listen to my inner heart. This feels beautifully simple and in tune with the bigger picture.
When I am controlling, fixing, striving for perfection/ recognition and protecting myself from hurts I have little access to the wisdom of the universe. When I’m going it alone on my own little wayward voyage getting more battered the further I travel away from myself. But the loving way is all around me as soon as I choose to drop my tunnel vision.
Could it be that when we have the need to fix others it is the need to fix something within ourselves? When we truly love ourselves then there is no need to fix anything, we are perfect, whole and complete and spending time in that joy and contentment just feels yummy and the more I let go and trust the more that connection to the wisdom of the Universe becomes a reality, because the reality is, that it never went anywhere, it is us that chose the wayward path!
In what you say I directly can feel the space of the playfulness of a child.
Yes, it is a joy to live life, to breath and to be without a constant pressure and tension of striving and never attaining the falsely perceived marker of perfectionism.
It stands to reason that if we consistently criticise ourselves then we will find ourselves doing it to others. Such a horrible way to live and it makes no sense at all. Whereas loving ourselves makes a whole lot of sense and then this is the magic ingredient that we share with others.
Yes Rachael, it should concern us greatly that being ourselves is what we have to work on. That is bananas. There is fear in so many around standing out that even in business we all try to morph into acceptability too afraid to speak out when something isn’t right. I love the reflection children offer. It is inspiring.
This just shows us exactly how far we have gone from who we truly are, and that we are not heading towards something new,… but simply returning to what is our natural way.
Beautifully said Giselle. Exactly what is it that takes us away from what we had so easily?….
And what makes it so enticing? Amelia has mentioned it here but the simple JOY of just singing and dancing and having FUN and giggling as a natural expression of our JOY is sooooo precious. Why would we decide to lose this for anything else as nothing matches that preciousness – no amount of people liking us, fitting in, riches or approval from others.
Agreed Shevon it is so precious. I love how much fun it is to simply hang out with my family and friends.
Very true Richard. A part of me still thinks it is about the doing, but that part proves it self to create disharmony in many ways time and time again.
Yes Willem, because in the doing we are not honouring our rhythm, and in our rhythm we are just trusting and everything flows.
Love that Sandra ”in our rhythm we are just trusting and everything flows.” When I push that flow is disturbed.
I love what is being shared here. Adding this to a post it note for myself “Trust and everything flows!.”
Great idea nb – will post ‘Trust and everything flows’ into my notes in my iphone.
Absolutely Giselle and beautifully said. When we are with ourselves and connected there is only love; we are complete.
Well said – i totally surrender to this beingness and say Yes to God.
What a line Richard, “no amount of doing will ever make up for the simple joy of being.”
Doing = time
Space = being
Its amazing how much of my life is run by time.
True Lucinda, so much of life is geared towards time running out, timing ourselves, setting a task against the clock and making it in the nick of time. Even the thought of being with out time and what needs to be done in time is enough to set anyone into a spin if not anxiety and tension.
When i am with me and not run by a clock, I am far more productive, there is space for all that is needed and there is zero anxiety.
It is amazing how different the day feels when it is about space to when it is about time. One factor that is supporting me is not having a preconceived idea on how the the day needs to be, of course I have my list of to do’s but I am focusing on them not being concrete which opens up much space for when other things arise. I also find it is amazing how much more can be done effortlessly when this is the energy being used rather then the push, forced energy.
Yes and this is something I need to remind myself of every day as the doing has ruled over the being for far to long.
The joy of simply being. Even just saying it brings a beautiful surrender to the body. There is no push or pull to do anything, just to simply bask in our own being. Love it Giselle thank you.
I remember thinking things like ‘ I can’t be myself because of this person’ or ‘Once I move out or leave this relationship I’ll be able to just be myself’; but this was all a huge illusion and a way to not take responsibility for me to just be. It’s like slipping out from underneath the covers when we realise that we are the ones that pulled up those covers over our innocence in the first instance.