I was out for dinner recently with work colleagues and was asked ”How are your kids going?” This was a wonderful opportunity for me to reflect on where my kids were at, and what measure I was using to assess this. As parents we are so often asked about how our kids are doing – it’s a standard question when people interact – and if we have favourable responses, we can assure ourselves that all is well.
My Road Map into Parenting My Kids…
I know when I first began my road into parenting I was sure I knew what and how I wanted my kids to be. I had visions of top school reports, assuring me that my choices of private schools would pay off. If my kids then made it into university and into a stable career path that would also assure me that they were doing well. At some point, I imagined they would find a suitable partner and settle down.
Nowhere in this map was any consideration about how much they liked themselves, or how suited they were to a chosen career path, or if their relationships were about truth and love and growth – FIRST.
Approximately seven years ago, Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine came into my life and I began to re-evaluate all my notions of success in all areas of my life, and that included my kids. They had been my main focus as I was heavily entrenched in the role of being a mother at that time. I realised that I had been relying on formulas instead of actually feeling what was right in every moment. There was much to re-consider.
One of the first things I really let go of was the idea that the ‘right school’ would make or break it for the kids. I realised that my attitude, that the ‘perfect school’ would take care of everything, had allowed me to subconsciously lessen the responsibility I had as a parent. I began to understand that the quality of our home environment and how we interacted with each other was absolutely foundational for my kids’ development.
In the past I had a tendency to look to the school’s assessment of academic success as a major yardstick by which to judge if my kids were doing ok, even though I knew from observing many highly academic relatives, school mates and work colleagues, that academic high achievement does not guarantee harmony in relationships, nor does it guarantee happiness and fulfillment.
I also used to think that the most important thing was a high paying job, irrespective of HOW the person was IN that job, and HOW they got there. This is the same sort of thinking that allows students to stay up late studying on copious amounts of coffee or other stimulating drugs if need be, just to get through exams, only to crash afterwards with exhaustion. How can this be a true way to prepare for adult working life?
Taking Responsibility and Showing My Kids Self-Love through Choice
As I decreased my reliance on the school to provide anything other than basic tools and skills for life, I consciously took responsibility to live a deeper quality at home by way of treating myself with love, care and respect. I showed by my own choices that my body was worthy of respect – I no longer chose to put things into it that were not honouring or supportive of my body.
As I began to feel the true effects of eating certain foods, I began removing them from my diet. I no longer have alcohol, caffeine, gluten and dairy or excess sugar, and I feel so much lighter and more vital.
I give my kids the opportunity to eat gluten and dairy free foods and see for themselves how those foods feel in their own bodies. They may not be wanting to commit to these dietary choices for themselves completely, but at least they know they have a choice.
I often have early nights and I encourage my children to feel if their bodies ask them to do the same. They don’t always choose this, but they are seeing me listening to my body.
I have been working on my inner stillness and calm: from this vantage point I can see and feel what’s going on for the kids more clearly than ever before.
I can see clearly and get a sense of:
- How they are when around certain friends; who they can be themselves with and which ones they change for and why, and I often share what I observe with them. It helps them see what’s going on too, and how it feels
- How being at school all day affects them. How they are after school and how to support them to let go of the day
- How preparing themselves lovingly and allowing enough time without any need to rush in the morning helps them navigate their day at school
- When they need support due to any overwhelm they may be feeling.
I observe it all and am relying on my inner wisdom to know when to intervene and when to let them sort life out for themselves.
So, in answer to the question, “How are your kids going?” I answered:
- My kids are looking at me more directly and connecting with me when we talk
- They tell me more about how they really feel in situations and with other people, including relatives, teachers and friends
- They will often notice that they feel different things from people, and how some things that others say and do feel right, and some do not
- I have impressed upon them the significance of honouring and paying attention to these feelings.
I recognise a variety of behaviours that show me where they are at:
- If they become quite reactive when I say no to something, then I know we have some sorting to do
- When they take responsibility for what’s going on in their lives, I know they are really learning and growing
- When they take extra care of themselves when tired and facing lots of pressures, I know they will handle whatever is coming – and if they need support they will have the strength to ask for it
- And if any of them ask me for something but do not connect with me first, I know we need to get back to basics before any negotiations can take place.
Parenting Kids – Without Perfection, and Letting Go…
All of my kids have their own paths to take and their own choices ahead, but I know that if they continue to develop the stillness, self-reflection and self-love at their own pace within them, then all will be ok. That is the way I now parent; to reflect those qualities to my kids as consistently as I can. I admit, there is no perfection, I make plenty of mistakes still, but that’s ok. I trust the process.
I am also learning to let go; their path is their own. In so doing, I cannot have the excuse and hide in the role of the mother anymore, but simply live lovingly and honouring of myself first and then be with and parent my kids from that quality. This will in fact teach them more than anything, and help them with how they ‘are going’ in life.
My colleague said she felt incredibly inspired after talking with me. I can see why. . . it’s amazing how simple and fun parenting my kids can now be.
Inspired by the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Felicity, Australia
Mothering, Me and Serge Benhayon
Carrot Soup for Two – a Breakfast Date With My 7 Year Old
Thank you Felicity for reminding me what true mothering is. I too used to believe that school reports, a well paid job, plenty of friends meant a successful life. Since coming in contact with Universal Medicine I have let go of these notions. I can still impose on my children at times, but now I have an awareness that outwards success can hide self-loathing. Being ready to support them when they ask for it and respecting their choices has enriched our relationship.
Thank you Felicity for your great blog. I love you saying that ‘the quality of our home environment and how we interact with each other is absolutely foundational for the development of our kids’.
‘I began to understand that the quality of our home environment and how we interacted with each other was absolutely foundational for my kids’ development.’ I absolutely agree, taking responsibility over your own life and that of your children and not handing it over to any school or institution, is number one priority for a healthy upbringing for our children.
Your blog touched me deeply Felicity, especially the response on the question you gave in the end is so beautiful. I can feel the love in that and it is not the thing I hear often around me. It is great you are sharing this as it gives so many parents (and everyone really) the opportunity to do this as well.
I so agree Lieke, reading what Felicity expressed about how her children are really going, has changed my view for ever of how I will respond when asked the same question. It was a bit of a ‘oh oops’ ouch moment reading this as I realised how much I can go into the run down of what my children are ‘doing’ instead of how they are ‘being’ when asked by some family and friends. Awesome wisdom here for everyone!
Absolutely Aimee. I found that too when I read this blog again how beautiful it is what Felicity has shared here. It is so common in society to make everything about how we function, including how our kids are going. Instead of how we really are feeling, thinking about ourselves and moving.
That’s pretty cool Felicity, rather than allowing systems or positions in life to assure that your children grow up in the ‘right way’ as is the mainstream picture of life – good education + good job + relationship = good life, you’ve instead focused on who they are already and started to support that. The whole ‘parents know best’ whereby the kids know nothing until they are adult (and even then are still considered not experienced) feels like a constant battle to stay on top of everything or to remain as the fountain of knowledge that will always be needed. But here you are allowing them to make their own choices and feel it for themselves and thus make their own ways in their lives, sounds like a much more self empowering way to learn about life by learning and experimenting ourselves.
Wow, that is just awesome to read Felicity. I want to be a kid in your house! What fantastic foundations and preparation for a responsible and loving life.
I so agree Jeanette, being a child in Felicity’s house would be absolutely awesome and so supportive of the life that is ahead of me. She is certainly re-writing the guide to parenting!
Gosh Felicity, there is so much here to reflect on and I love and can relate to everything you have shared. As a parent it is so easy to bathe in the reflections of our children’s academic or sports achievement and in so doing we encourage them in these achievements- it becomes about our needs and not them. As I observed myself doing this I nominated what was happening and was able to truly support my children to follow a more true path for them rather than the standard one of seeking the highest accolades. As you say, “their path is their own” and sometimes this can be the hardest thing as a parent to truly allow and to live this on a daily basis.
This is the most truthful and awesome answer ever to the question: how are your kids going? Even if we ourselves get the question how are you going, how wonderful it is to truly say how you feel and what is going on in your life. Thank you Felicity, you give parenting a whole new dimension.
Beautifully put Mariette. The answer Felicity has given to, ‘how are your kids going’ is super honest, and in her response she looks at the WHOLE picture of their lives, the families life and the relationships in their life.
Felicity, what better way to parent than to live yourself the way that may support your children best but leave them to work out for themselves how to live their lives. I also loved how you offer reflections on how your children act with their friends, at that age it must be so supportive to be given that feedback on patterns of behaviour and encouragement to be themselves.
This is a great point to highlight Stephen, ‘I also loved how you offer reflections on how your children act with their friends, at that age it must be so supportive to be given that feedback on patterns of behaviour and encouragement to be themselves.’ Since reading Felicity’s article I have had more conversations with my son about how I notice he changes with certain people and not others and also about how people feel, he has been recently talking about whether people at his pre-school stay themselves or change and he describes the angry faces staff use to tell him off, he has told me the difference that he feels in his body when playing with different children, whether he feels calm or whether his heart is beating really quickly, it is amazing how much kids feel and it has felt great to have open, honest conversations with him about this.
Absolutely, to be given loving and supportive feedback rather than feeling judged on their actions allows for them to recognise their own patterns in relationships and when they are true to themselves.
I love this blog for so many reasons Felicicty but mostly because you break the mold of the ideal that kids are ok if they succeed in school, work and have a relationship no matter what the quality behind it. And secondly for showing that good parenting starts with taking responsibility for your own quality of life first.
Yes these were a standout for me too Carolien…when we put so much focus on what kids can achieve and do, we are essentially producing great ‘doers’, but at what expense to the ‘being’ that is left starving to be met for who they truly are?
Thanks to you Carolien for seeing the many reasons a true way forward in parenting is worth celebrating.
This is gorgeous Felicity. Your kids are blessed to have a mother that will honour them, and let them be who they are. I like what you have said about you being there for support as they can go and take on their own path, thats very beautiful. Developing this relationship and knowing them so much is awesome. I bet your colleague was thankful that you shared the truth with her 😀
Yes she is very thankful. It was an exquisitely beautiful moment and deeply inspired me to keep bringing all of me to such conversations. She also blessed me with her openness and respect for what I shared. A truly delightful conversation.
Felicity I adored reading your blog . By showing responsibility and care for yourself , your children can see and feel that for themselves and that is a true gift.
So true Kelly, we all learn by reflection and observing others – and that always begins first from the everyday lives we live in our homes.
It amazes me how identified we are with the success of our children, as though they are purely our own creation, and not a fully comprehending being in their own right. We only have to look at the rate at which a child grows to understand that even a small child is a highly intelligent being. Of course, as parents, we provide their most direct role model of how to operate in the world, and for that we hold huge responsibility, and have a responsibility to impart that which we know onto our children, so that they receive the guidance we may have not have necessarily received ourselves. But too often in that there is an arrogance that says that we know more than our children, that because we are a parent that we have to be right, rather than accepting the wisdom that can come equally from our children. More important than a child’s temporal success, is the fact that they are met for who they truly are, even if who they truly are is not perhaps in line with our initial expectations. Parenting is a wonderfully challenging aspect of life, not least of which because it is the one relationship based on a blind date that we cannot back out of.
Yes, Adam, our children are incredibly wise and we can learn much from them
I couldn’t agree more, Adam. Learning to treasure the innate essence of my daughters rather than trying to control them and impose my expectations on them and on myself as a parent, is something that I am still working on, even though they are now adults. Letting myself not have to have all the answers and opening up to receiving their astounding wisdom has really helped in this respect, and I feel it is never too late to bring this to the relationship.
Yes Adam, that is what I see from the first part of what Felicity was saying when someone asks us “how are your kids going?” And this question alone can be very revealing. If the answer goes on to be like a CV then that could be an indication that something is out of balance. For me, and as you are saying Adam, temporal or an educational success with children alone isn’t something we can say is ‘great parenting’. From all the children I see they are all highly intelligent but it is how they are interacted with makes the difference, how they are seen. School for children is as much about the social interaction and learning as it is about the educational learning, a balance and not one overriding the other.
Yes well summed up- and what an original way to look at it- parenting as a blind date you can’t back out of!
But Adam, it’s the most amazing date ever too, it unfolds exactly as it’s meant to, and every day is a chance to reimport anew.
I am forever humbled by the wisdom that comes ‘from the mouths of babes’, even if it registers as a smack in the head at times… Perhaps it is the blinding clarity that they can deliver that we don’t want to see, that causes us to ‘talk down’ to them and results in an inability to hold them as equal. It is heard in the tone of voice one uses when talking to a child and as you say Adam, it can often carry an ‘I know best’ quality. Sometimes we do, sometimes we don’t. Every child was once an adult in a former life and so we have much to learn from each other.
Liane you have brought up a good point. Adults can be the first to ‘cut down’ a young child because of what they may bring up. What is this teaching our children? It teaches them that if someone brings something up in them, you quickly shut them down so you don’t have to deal with it. And then the cycle continues. Imagine the opposite – imagine an adult being humble enough to accept the love and wisdom a child can offer. How empowering this is for both adults and children.
I am in a living situation with 2 children – one of which is confident in her expression and does not hold back. It is so incredible to be a part of her pulling everyone in the house (and beyond) up. She has had the support to do this. She in turn is inspiring the other child to do the same -to be confident in what he has to express and not worry about what the reaction may be. It is also beautiful to be on the receiving end and to allow the children to express and not cut them down. I know I was cut down and it is very healing to break that pattern.
Hi Nikki, when I read your comment it makes me smile because I can see what a great role model you are for these children in how to be unimposing and open to learning with a humbleness so rare but deeply exquisite in adults when we allow ourselves to just be who we are.
I agree Adam that very often parents can have an arrogance of knowing more and being right, this way of parenting completely shuts the kids off as they don’t feel understood, met or appreciated for the highly intelligent being that they are, just as wise (sometimes more so!) than the parent. It is without the arrogance of having a higher degree of knowledge that the parents can flourish their children and develop their children, using their experience in the world as a way to teach the children how to understand and use the wisdom
Well said Oliver!
It is so true what you have shared here Adam about how when we open up to accepting and listening to our children’s wisdom, it makes for a more harmonious and growing relationship with them. Recently I caught myself basically preaching to my daughter about things and not trusting that she knew how to handle certain situations or responsibilities. But because we had a good foundation of always speaking how we feel to each other, she was able to express how it did not feel right how I was talking to her, and that I needed to trust her more. I took heed of this and instead of dictating all the time, I kept open and accepting her for all she is and is capable of, and let go of judgements regarding her behaviour. The result was that a real harmony was restored and it turned out that she then took on more responsibilities and handled herself like a wise woman of 70 years old, not the 7 years old that she is. I love too how Felicity has laid down a great template for parenting that is based on the quality of life, not just the end results of material wealth and achievements that were had via love-less choices.
I love what you have expressed here both Felicity and Adam, It is so true, Adam children are born through us; they are in no any way less than us other than in size for a while. This made me laugh – ‘Parenting is a wonderfully challenging aspect of life, not least of which because it is the one relationship based on a blind date that we cannot back out of.” Yes, indeed and an amazing roller coaster of a date this is! Children teach so much about ourselves, they are such a great reflection. Just feel to add – picking up a baby one can feel that there is far more to the little baby than tiny size and cuteness, in fact it more than often feels like picking up an adult person disguised as a baby and some babies despite their weight are far heavier than others of the same weigh. I find this very interesting. We cannot be fooled by age or size. Children are capable of being far more responsible than we, as a society, credit them to be.
“More important than a child’s temporal success, is the fact that they are met for who they truly are, even if who they truly are is not perhaps in line with our initial expectations” Brilliant
“My kids are looking at me more directly and connecting with me when we talk”. This makes you a good mother. I never wanted to look at my mother when I talked to her – I didn’t want to deal with her emotions.
Awesome Felicity you have certainly hit the nail on the head in regards to what is truly important in parenting. Good schools, exam results and a good career are worth nothing if the foundation of love and self care is not there in the first place.
My children now have grown up children of their own, but what influenced me more than anything in their early years was knowing that i would one day let them go to follow their own path and they needed me to give them space for their own self learning and development. Sometimes I rejoiced in the choices they made , sometimes I was saddened, but the love I held them in did not change. Now they no longer need ‘mothering’, they have me as a friend and support, as I have them.
Felicity – this is awesome – you are setting new standards of parenting – showing that it is not about the perfect school, or perfect job but about how they are in it. I love that you are listening and allowing them to make their own choices instead of imposing rules they can then break further down the line. Through your own way of living you are inspiring them to reflect on how they are in their own lives, to open up, to handle whatever comes up and to express how they feel. My children are now in their 30s but there is much I can still learn from your inspiring words, thank you!
Yes Carmel, it’s never too late- my parenting didn’t start out like this- far from it!
I was in total reaction for the first few years and didn’t connect at all really.
Now, years later, I know how much I have changed and I don’t spend time regretting my past ways, I simply commit to being more love now. The joy and freedom in this is endless.
Responding to “how are your kids going?” with discussing what I am observing, the choices they are making, how clear their eyes and how much responsibility they are taking for their actions opens up a much deeper discussion with people and often we end up reflecting on parenting together. I have often seen in myself and other parents an attitude of ‘cutting kids some slack’ because they are only young etc. But the choices they are making now will roll onto becoming the habits and patterns of their adult life. I am finding the most important things as a parent is to keep expressing the truth, questioning choices and the energy behind them. It may not appear to be welcomed or agreed with at the time but without me presenting it, who else will?
This is key Fiona what you have shared as often parents are wanting to be liked and accepted by their children so don’t pull them up when needed. Not realising that it is loving to pull your children up when they are not being themselves.
As you have mentioned – it may not always be welcomed but truth and love go a long way – into adulthood!
Marcia, this is so true… the parent wanting to be liked and accepted so doing whatever it takes to keep that ! I have personally done that in the past, so can speak from experience of how awful it is… and how it was a complete lack of my own responsibility as a parent, and how I was looking for and wanting my child to make me feel okay or feel complete. What then affected her is that I allowed unacceptable behaviour that then became a pattern which then was hard for her to shift, all because of what I needed. So glad that I had the support and inspiration from Serge Benhayon and other esoteric practitionners along with awesome blogs like this one.
Yes Fiona- if we don’t keep presenting this, who will? And yes, it may not be welcomed at the time, but we are playing so much bigger than that- they need to feel we have connected with them. I have found my kids do appreciate the level of love I offer them, even if they don’t always choose it themselves, they do feel there is a choice and they can consider how any choice impacts.
This was definitely not the standardised response to the question and shows that you have been taking notice of and engaging with your children to even notice that they’re looking at you directly and connecting with you when they’re speaking! I’m not surprised your colleague felt inspired.
Hello Shevon Simon, yes and this is a great pick up and shows the simple things are important to connect to. With Felicity connecting to her children as she has done then the little things like this stand out to be a possibility of something being wrong or different but not being said. It goes beyond the ‘norm’ of parenting and care for your children. I am not surprised either and more people will be inspired by this.
Very interesting what you write. Indeed, what are our ways to measure success and how our kids are? The usual answer is how they are doing, performing e.g. school, sports, grades. Never truly how they are themselves. Lovely way to answer in that way. It brings a whole new perspective to the conversation and a reflection for all of us to ponder: how are the kids as human beings, not as human doings?
Yes, I agree Caroline the focus on our way of be-ing is such a support. After all we are called human-beings not human-doings 🙂
I remember asking thus question to a friend years ago and she replied he was doing well getting As and I was shocked that she told me about his grades rather than how he was in himself. I have always known that what grades you got were not important. But now with my own child it is easy to get caught up in grades as a reflection of whether they are doing ok! But as you share what is important is how they really are doing, how they feel, how they are looking after themselves the choices they are making and how connected to their innate love.
This is so true Vanessa, it is easy to be consumed by grades and academic results. I am proud of my daughter at the end of a term not because of her results but because she has expressed herself during the term, because she has stayed true to herself and taken care of herself. Sometimes her report card sits unopened on the bench for days before we even get to opening it up.
What you say Vanessa reminds me of my nephew’s choice a few years back to drop out of university. He sought my counsel, I asked him how he felt about university he said simply ‘ constrained, I’m not learning anything, I want to develop my own ideas and follow what is true to me. I supported him all the way because I felt it was an act of responsibility, rather than following standard ideas of success. He is as beautiful as ever, constantly questions norms out there, continues to follow his own path and not be drawn into mainstream expectations and tensions.
That is beautiful Kehinde that you were able to offer this support. So many people feel this way about the education system but do not realise that there is another way, or they feel that they are letting others down by not completing their studies… all at the cost of themselves.
Great, Kehinde, that you had the opportunity to support your nephew’s choice when he explained how he felt about University. I take the opportunity when I can with my grandsons to emphasise that it is important that they feel carefully into decisions they make about their education, and do what really feels right for them, not just because it leads to a more prestigious career or makes more money. Two of them are now at University, and the other has less than 2 years to go at high school.
Felicity- lots to ponder upon, in relation to how we see success in our children.
I too have been seeing it as a “doing”, and have been responding accordingly. But now after having read your inspiring blog I am now appreciating how important this point is: “I began to understand that the quality of our home environment and how we interacted with each other was absolutely foundational for my kids’ development.”
I feel acceptance is an important point too, and understanding where others are at, without needing to control or impose on our children no matter what age they are.
Wow – this is a practical, no nonsense and inspiring article that well deserves a place in any parenting magazine out there on the shelves. Thank you Felicity and there are many parts that I can relate to as a parent. I love what is written here
“I am also learning to let go; their path is their own. In so doing, I cannot have the excuse and hide in the role of the mother anymore, but simply live lovingly and honouring of myself first and then be with and parent my kids from that quality. This will in fact teach them more than anything, and help them with how they ‘are going’ in life.” and have learnt it was my need to be a mother and identify with this that led to needing to hold a picture and be in control of my kids choices, thus when answering the question ‘How are your kids going?’ I would answer in relation to the picture I was holding and not in accordance to where they were really at in regards to love and truth. I will return to this article again and again. Thank you.
Thank you Julie for connecting to what is being shared here.
I too enjoy reading it and appreciating how wonderful it is to be founding a whole new way with parenting.
What an amazing change happens, when you truly meet your kids- beautiful role-model you are ! Thank you for sharing this.
This is such a wonderful article Felicity, i found it very supportive to read, I have a 4 year old son and can relate to a lot of what you have written, ‘I am also learning to let go; their path is their own. In so doing, I cannot have the excuse and hide in the role of the mother anymore, but simply live lovingly and honouring of myself first and then be with and parent my kids from that quality’.
Thank you Felicity for this great sharing, I love how you have put “simply live lovingly and honouring of myself first and then be with and parent my kids from that quality” it so absolutely simple and not imposing.
I have found that the more I am myself and parent from this quality the better my relationship with my child is.
Me too Sally, being ourselves and then parenting from this space is so rewarding. It gives the child permission to be themselves and an opportunity for relationships with a true quality to be had.
Hello Paul Moses, I agree and this is an important part to highlight. This shows that it all starts with ‘us’.
I agree Raymond and Paul, it does all start with us. I have noticed if I am struggling in any way in my own life that my daughter normally is too. I don’t necessarily need to fix her, all I need to do is to take responsibility for my part and show by example.
I agree Paul. I was struck by just how unimposing felicities parenting is and how the kids were so lovingly held to make their own choices but taught through reflection how these choices registered in their bodies and their relationships. There is such a beautifully accepting and loving feeling to this article.
Thank you, Felicity, there is a lot here to reflect on. How I present my kids when asked, is something that has always been interesting, as so often people look for a sense of achievements. In light of your blog I feel what is important is to honour their beingness, how they are in themselves and in the world rather than spout off a list of facts about what they have been up to. Regardless of the school, university, job, accolades etc, what matters is how they live their day being full of themselves as much as possible. And this is true throughout our lives.
Well said Janet…focusing on the ‘being’ rather than on what they are ‘doing’…a great foundation.
Yes indeed it is true throughout our lives, I agree.
I now really know that how I am is the most important thing in who I am- and it’s never about what I do.
I am so glad to see this generation now at the beginning of the turning tide to get new messages-
so different to what I grew up with and even what I initially bought into as a parent. And my experience of parenting is deeply enriching as a result.
Yes Janet Williams the sense of achievement is very high in the parenting stakes. There is often a badge of honour if you are the “do it all” Mum or Dad. I remember recently having a family reunion with cousins who had moved overseas and had returned for a holiday. We sat and shared our stories of sleep-overs when we were young and the fun we had growing up together. One cousin shared how she felt that her mother was never there for her. I remember that this comment had truth in it yet the image that was portrayed for us as a family was the stay home Aunt who did everything for her family. What was true in my cousins comment was the quality in the connection that was not there and the “do it all” may have displayed an image for others yet there was an ideal or belief of perfection to portray to the world that was not been felt a home. Thank you Felicity for sharing the joy of letting go with no perfection allows the whole family to grow.
There is an article I just read about in Finland and their Baby box. Finland has the lowest infant mortality rate in the world. Basically the state offers the box to the parents of every child born, 95% take the offer. The box is everything you need for the first year… just add child. Your blog should be in the box and it would be complete for new parents.
What a great idea- to add this blog to that box the new parents get in Finland!
Yes I agree it would then be complete indeed.
I love how simple parenting can be with a change of perspective.
Yes, how supportive would it be if all parents were offered a chance to see there are many ways to raise children… and sometimes its not about ticking the box, its about thinking outside the box.
To be offered the perspective that children don’t need to be moulded by the parents, that they can be in the world with our support and guidance. This would remove such heavy expectations upon the children (and the parent). Imagine that – if we were all given the space to be ourselves!
Yes Steve, what a true gift that would be.
This blog is a real encouragement for any parent to let go of their investment in their children living the so called formula for a successful life or to live a pre-ordained ideal we have for them. Instead it brings it back to the quality of life lived and relationship to self. As you say Felicity it is no good having an amazing job if by having got there you became burned out, stressed, overwhelmed, depressed and exhausted – and live that in your body each day. When we ask now how are your kids there is a whole new benchmark from which to ask that question – how are they feeling about themselves? How are they in relationships? Are they self aware? Are they open, allowing and trusting? or are they stressed, anxious, eager to please, driving themselves hard in order to be seen to be successful?
I see so many children in the primary classroom from very early ages placing stress on themselves to succeed. We ask children at school to compromise how they feel as long as they get those SATS grades. Recently in the UK during SATS week, we had record number of children calling childline at the age of 11 due to pressure from these tests. The ironic thing is that these tests aren’t for the children, but for schools wanting to improve league table results. What are we teaching our children about how to approach life? So long as you get the grade it doesn’t matter what you put your body through?
Rachel, I agree with your comment whole heartedly what are we teaching our children. The pressure to perform at any cost is a lesson my children are constantly faced with at school. We work really hard to break down those ideals and have discussion centred around responsibility to self and others, compassion and understanding.
Nicole, that’s so great that you are supporting your children to deal with the pressure they face at school. The ideals of getting top marks can lead to stress as children and their parents seek to boost sense of self worth and esteem by what is achieved, which for most ultimately doesn’t work as when is enough ever enough? The bar of achievement keeps being raised when a large enough group meets expected outcomes and the cycle has to repeat itself. But living with “responsibility to self and others, with compassion and understanding,” takes care of all of the above.
The pressure we place on our children is ridiculous and unnecessary, I can’t recall taking national exams as they do these days but there is a lot of focus put on these and as you say Rachel they are not for the children but for the school instead to see how highly they are ranked which then determines how much money they receive off the government. The education system is feeding us lies and we are gobbling them up.
I agree Tony and I would say that this is one of the biggest reasons as to why children seem to lose interest for school, because the school is not for them, even if we would argue that it was.
As you say Matts, school is unfortunately not just for children. The whole education system needs to be re-evaluated. What is going on for children at school, are they truly joyful?
Thank you Felicity, I get a sense of you raising global citizens with the awareness that you pass on to your children by role modelling a responsible and self loving way to live.
Global citizens – I like that. Surely that is part of our responsibility to raise kids to be amazing human beings.
Yes indeed the impact of such awareness when raising kids is profound for the whole world – we create the future with every imprint with the young, whether we are parenting them or have contact as a teacher, friend, relative. It all helps.
This is an inspiring lesson on parenting. Allowing children to take responsibility and make their own choices while offering them a true example from yourself of how the choices we make affect how we are in everything. Thank you Felicity.
Mary that’s where a lot of problems arise, when parents don’t let the children take responsibity for their own choices.
Doing everything for your children (as i did) and not allowing them to take responsibility of their own choices is such a great dis-service to humanity – for they then grow up (as i did) holding the world to ransom!
Felicity that’s a corker of an article. You blow so many stereotypes and beliefs clean out of the water and replace them with loving wisdom. It’s easy to feel the growth and love that you facilitate in yourself and in your kids. When people ask me how my son is going I no longer roll out the expected answers but really consider how he is really going in himself. I have shared with people recently that his hugs have become much more loving and intimate, which for me is so much more valuable than a grade A. What’s the benefit in having a grade A if you can’t relax enough to be held?
Indeed Alexis, what’s the point of being a high achiever or an outward success if you live your life in discontent, anxious, uncomfortable within yourselves or unsure of who you are. I am a 1st class Honours graduate but that never made my life better, Universal Medicine has helped me to feel much closer to accepting me as I am and that is worth more than any piece of paper.
Awesome points Alexis and Stephen about the school grades and the quality we feel within. Developing ourselves so we connect to our inner selves and the love we are far outweighs any worldly achievement. Strange really that this even has to be stated! Thank you for your sharing here.
YES! I love the hugs comment about your son! It’s so true, a kid who can give unreservedly an amazing hug is doing so much better than the kid with the A grade but empty. Thank you Alexis!
Yes ! I too can appreciate the quality of a hug, or the level of connection, gentleness and tenderness in a conversation is much more important a marker than anything else of how my kids are going. It’s great to have such an insightful way of assessing where things are at.
this is a splendid comment Alexis.
So often when you ask anyone the question, How are your kids going? it is all about school grades or sporting achievements, but what you have presented here Felicity is far more important and real. I feel that not forcing our ideas on food and sleep on our kids is important as rebellion may rare its ugly head but showing them by example and giving them the opportunity to feel for themselves as you have shown here. Parenting is such a learning curve and its great to have any extra tools to make the job a little truer.
Thank you Kevin and I agree, “Parenting is such a learning curve” and to be flexible as parents and people to not ‘think’ we know it all.
And more often than not, it is our children teaching us rather then us teaching them.
Yes Kevin, it’s crucial to not force anything on our kids- I know from my own life this is counter productive.
I set an example ( with no perfection!) and then allow them to make their own assessment.
I have learnt from personal experience here, trying to force what foods my daughter should or should not eat, but have now allowed her to experience things for herself and make her own choices. This puts the ball in her field and she has to take responsibility… and she then also gets to learn and feel what does and does not work for her.
There’s so much we’re learning here about letting go of control as parents. As you say Rosie, supporting children ‘ to experience things for herself and make her own choices’ is an essential part of that and we can get in a mess if we don’t. It’s a fine balance offering, not imposing, letting them feel and take responsibility for themselves. .
To reduce children to a mark in an examination, a “time” in race, a goal on a field is such a dismissive thing to do. we have a full, rich, beautiful being….and we diminish them down to a single aspect that makes us happy.
Do this and we get a miserable adult, reduced to a sales result, a performance metric, a set task, a report.
Felicity, you and the other parents on this blog are setting new parenting parameters that inspire those of us who are not parents.
Truly, does this blog not inspire us in how we treat each other as adults….and ourselves?
“we have a full, rich, beautiful being….and we diminish them down to a single aspect that makes us happy.” Serge Benhayon has opened my eyes to the greatness within me and with this flows the appreciation of the beauty and richness that each of my children bring to the world.
Yes thats an excellent point Rachel, the way we treat our children, with respect , openess and love, should be essentially no different to how we treat our friends, family, workmates in adult life.
This is taking what we already commit to in the family home, out into the rest of our lives. I have the learning of this in my adult years, and I wonder how simple it will be for those of us who grow up with this as normal in family life to integrate it into adult relationships, where there is no difference between home and the rest of the life’s relationships. This is the example I have seen from many people around me, hence I have seen the beauty of this from examples around me.
Felicity, your article made it very clear for me again that the first and foremost thing we have to teach our kids is the responsibility for themselves by us living it on day to day basis. From there on everything evolves accordingly, even if the kids may not choose it for themselves always, at least they have a marker in their body.
Same for me Sonja and as you say Felicity it is about knowing that when we live the reflection of love the process it is a natural process and whatever the outcome will be the seed of love has been planted.
And very inspiring to read Felicity how you felt to answer the question how your children are going. Makes me ponder how easy it is to just answer a very frequent asked question with what is been expected and how you stepped out of that comfort and gave such a real answer, a blessing for the one who has asked this question.
‘The seed of love’ has certainly been planted for these children Annelies and the world will be graced by it’s blooming. Everything matters and I appreciate that the care and consideration given to parenting the way Felicity has described absolutely matters for humanity. Inspiring.
Yes, as parents we are leaders and we do not need to control, all we need to do is live in a way that inspires. Then it is easy for the children, as they can make a choice because they have a living example right before them.
That is a powerful comment Sonja and even if I had not children it makes so much sense to teach our kids their own responsibility by being a true role model for them.
Wow Felicity how many parents would consider speaking so honestly about their children in response to that question. I love the fact that their was nothing about their marks or grades or what they are doing but all about really how they are. Truly inspiring for all parents who really do want to see their children doing well. This is a fabulous foundation for them too, so they get to know in themselves how they are really travelling through life.
We need to celebrate our children for who they truly are, rather than what they have done or achieved. When this is common place, self-worth issues will be non existent.
Great point Donna and this world can then reflect the real us without any protection. Tender, Loving, Honest, Truthful, Respectful, Patient, Joyful, the list really does go on and on.
Wow Amina, now wouldn’t this change the world we live in. It seems so simple doesn’t it, starting with a celebration of our children for who they are and then they grow up without the issues that we see so commonly today.
It is a very simple concept, isn’t it? As with most things simplicity is the key. I feel very blessed as a parent to have had and to have taken on board the understanding that it is who we are and not what we do is important. It has taken me 10 years of work to shed the beliefs I took on as a child, but it has allowed me to start appreciating all my wonderful innate qualities that has nothing to do with what I know. I am therefore passing this on to my own children, who when asked about themselves, know with an absoluteness how amazing they are that has nothing to do with what they achieve.
I am so glad you made the connection in how parenting is done to self worth issues and how they originate!
Donna this is worthy of its own article!
I know I have had tonnes of self worth issues from wanting to be seen as important and special by others, but not giving that to myself first and foremost. This way of parenting, based on the connection and quality of it we have with our kids, leads the way to true self worth.
Yes I agree Felicity, I had the same thing tying up my self-worth with how well I did in my exams, at school and at university. The better I did, the more approval I got from my parents and the better I felt about myself. I had little connection if any at all to the true me during that time. It was all about achieving from a place of needing to be recognised.
Donna what you share captures something of myself Born into a family where success was measured through qualifications achieved, professional status and wealth, I too felt the way to self worth was through qualifications. When I made the grade I was elated and devastated when I didn’t. I chased after qualifications, trying to fill a need inside and to be recognised for my achievements and yet whatever outer achievement I made, did not change the emptiness I felt deep inside. Now success is measured by how I feel about myself, live my life and relate to others, simple.
Not being seen by our parents has caused me to look for recognition outside of me instead of building on a foundation of worthiness from who I am. No blame whatsoever to my parents as they were not met for the amazing human beings they were either. How we are met, loved and held as equals by our parents is super important for a foundation in life that allows us to shine and be who we are.
Thank you for being so true-full Felicity, your honesty sets the footsteps for another’s healing.
Very true Donna!
I once told my daughter that it didn’t actually matter what grades she got at the Naplan test so she went off to school and told her friends…. they couldn’t believe it…. but what I shared with her was that I knew she was awesome, and I didn’t need a test to tell me she could read or do math or was intelligent because what you do, is not who you are.
I too have downplayed the importance of NAPLAN etc as I know it doesn’t truly offer an indication of how a child is going. I do encourage them to meet their responsibilities in the classroom though – if teacher requests assignments be done, this is part of their responsibility to commit in full and complete such tasks. It’s about taking their place but not taking it all too seriously.
Felicity – I see the beginnings of a book about your parenting experiences, it would be a wonderful read for parents and non-parents alike. Even how you observe your children being themselves with some people and changing when with others and being able to bring this into relationship with them was fascinating and enriching to read about. When you share these experiences it sets a new standard for parenting. While conscious parenting may be the latest fad and catch phrase to describe the conscious imposition of ideals onto our children your version of conscious parenting Felicity is far more about being responsible for yourself as a parent.
Definitely Donna, it is who our children truly are that has to be celebrated, not what they do, and then they know they are naturally amazing and so much more.
So true Donna. When I celebrate what my child has achieved or done, I try to celebrate it in a way that celebrates him and not just the action. It is challenging as it’s a very old momentum and one that is quite deep seated. When I do celebrate such things, it also gives me the chance to reflect on how much I have celebrated him when there is no doing or achievement involved. That is something I have been building into our lives more and more – when he is simply being himself I stop and appreciate him and all his tender loveliness.
I agree Jennifer, being able to speak about our children in relation to their essence and how they truly are with themselves is a profound and rare but one we can begin to cultivate in the way we respond when asked about our children. It is so ingrained in society to equate success with academic, financial or career achievements and not in how we feel about ourselves and relate to others.
Felicity, your wisdom and knowledge on this topic will inspire many parents.
So many of us can get caught up in how we think we need to be as the parent, myself included, so it’s great what you share here Felicity. Seeing another way to be that is so much more empowering and confirming of our true nature and what we need, to bring it back to our own rhythms and then be able to feel what is needed in life. A great tool to pass on to our children to help them move forward in their lives from their own inner landmark of truth.
I have found that when I let go of expectations of how I should be as a parent and in return how my son should be as my child it freed us up to be much more honest and open with each other. By letting go of the ideals of a parent child relationship we get to see one another as people not the roles we create for each other. Of course it is still my job to raise my child, to guide him to be loving and truthful, to take responsibility for how he is and his actions and to be accountable to himself and what is required of him at school and at home. It is also my responsibility to live this way also and lead by example, otherwise it is just empty words and preaching to do what I say rather than what I do.
Its lovely to be able to have open and honest talks with my son and to be affectionate with him and allow his naturalness to shine through rather than him trying to be something I or the world wants him to be.
My role is to show him that it is possible to live lovingly and that home is always a safe place to come back to, a place that holds him as an equal. And the only way this has been possible is through being treated this way by others especially Serge Benhayon and his family who have inspired me to know what parenting is and have the confidence in myself that I know how to do it.
This is beautiful Rachel, ‘My role is to show him that it is possible to live lovingly and that home is always a safe place to come back to, a place that holds him as an equal’, thank you for the inspiration.
Yes I agree with what Rachel says, the knowing home is safe and supportive where kids can be themselves , is crucial. This helps them support themselves long term, having this foundation.
This is gorgeous and something they can take with them and choose when they build a home of their own. Gorgeous and inspiring for us all whatever age we are at!
Yes, I too melted at those words.
I agree Rebecca, that line stood out for me too. Our kids can be truly hammered by school, and this is considered normal. We have at ties struggled to truly support our kids commit to life in full, in the face of this but it is where the true parenting lies.
This sentence in Rachel comment stood out for me too “My role is to show him that it is possible to live lovingly and that home is always a safe place to come back to, a place that holds him as an equal. “. Reading this sentence, I could feel in my body the immense level of surrender that such an environment supports. What a gift to a child (and to ourselves too) to cultivate such a home environment.
Beautiful Rachel. The home you have created for your son and the honest and integrous way you parent must provide an amazing foundation for your son to deal with all he has to as a young boy growing up in a world which provides many challenges.
Gosh it is awesome to read your comment Rachel and Felicity to read your honest and loving account of your relationships with your children. It is truly ground breaking stuff that you are undertaking to love your children but not to take on the all familiar roles that are well ensconced around us but to feel what is right for you and your children.
Absolutely Sarah, what a joy to read these accounts of parenting other equal beings from a place of self awareness and not self interest or control, ideals and beliefs. I truly appreciate the responsibility that is taken up by parents such as Felicity and Rachel and the difference this makes to these children and the relationships they then develop. Inspiring indeed… ‘from little things, big things grow…’
Such wisdom in these words Bernadette. Parenting from self awareness and not self interest should be in all parenting courses!
Absolutely Bern, “from little things grow great things”, love that, so true. When it comes to parenting we must as adults be, reflect, hold and honour the love that a child is, for they are that same love and reflection for the world, and so humanity. This is what is behind the greatness of true parenting.
Absolutely beautiful Rachel – thank you. Bringing parenting to the heart.
Rachel this is gorgeous what you have shared and so true. The Benhayon family are truly a beautiful reflection and inspiration of how we can live lovingly with one another.
I agree it is gorgeous what is shared, and we are so blessed to be shown the reflection of love, harmony and joy in family.
I love what you wrote here:
‘My role is to show him that it is possible to live lovingly and that home is always a safe place to come back to, a place that holds him as an equal.’
Holding each other as equal and letting go of the beliefs about the roles of how you should be as a mother or a son sets us all free for true love.
Beautifully said Rachel. Serge Benhayon and his family have inspired many to know what true parenting is and from this inspiration many are now able to share the wisdom and experiences of their own parenting as both you and Felicity have done.
Rachel, I share your sentiments exactly. I too encourage complete equality in the home and encourage my children to take full responsibility for their choices. Whilst saying that I also encourage them to tell me when i am out or if I have done or said anything that is not loving. One thing we are working on at the moment as a family are “clock it” moments. We are encouraging each other to nominate things we have noticed but don’t always articulate, about each other and things that happen in our day. In doing this we are supporting each other with our awareness and bringing ourselves back to truth and love – evolving together and supporting one another with it.
That is a brilliant program Michelle – “clock it” moments where you say what you have observed are an opportunity for amazing levels go growth. They build a natural confidence that comes from seeing something, understanding it and opening up a conversation about it.
So many of us are used to seeing something, and pretending we didn’t…or doubting we saw it…or rationalising it away. That creates a sort of disconnect in us between signals coming in and our confidence in receiving and interpreting them.
Actually I would rather like to move in with you if I might. 🙂
That is really inspiring Michelle.
Michelle, i like what you have shared here because as Rachel has already expressed this openly encourages the children to be confident with their ability to clock something they they feel, they see and then expressing it. Being given permission to trust your intuition, how you are feeling is one of most precious gifts we can offer to our children. For a child to live amongst this level of equality and responsibility is game changing.
This is a great point Michelle,,and one that I will integrate into my family sensitively and wisely. Thank you for giving me another point of development I feel I can integrate into my family.
Awesome Michelle. I fully agree that teaching kids about responsibility from a young age is an excellent idea, and they can learn that it’s not actually a bad or scary thing. This stops them from entering their teenage years with the belief that responsibility is the big bad wolf – something to avoid and fear.
Well said Susie. My opinion is to teach our kids how to take responsibility in early ages what is a great preparation combined with love and understanding.
What a brilliant program Michelle (as Rachel already wrote). I have been feeling lately that it would be really supportive for my young 5 1/2 daughter to help her articulate more what she feels -particularly around the acceptance of herself as well the understanding and acceptance of the World we live in – . I love your “clock it” moments approach. I can see how we could bring playfulness and lightness around it so that my daughter engages in it and from there, support her to not shut down her awareness and make it very normal to express around what we feel.
We are the same at home, encouraging equality and encouraging each other to take full responsibility – I have noted that even ourselves as adults we can always go deeper with this ourselves, in many many areas, and that is an amazing role modelling for others. I certainly constantly tell my husband and daughter to not accept/settle for anything less than love, for them to tell me when I do anything that is not that when this happens (I do the same for them), and regularly we discuss how we can support each others to cut unloving patterns. That is an integral part of how we live and I cherish this openness and honesty. This is done from a foundation that we love each others no matter what, and knowing that we are love in our essence. It is not about criticism ( although sometimes it comes as that when one of us is in reaction – and this would be discussed!) , rather about supporting each other to learn to not live less than in our fullness and understand that how we leave affect all others/the world around us.
Rachel that’s great, “Its lovely to be able to have open and honest talks with my son and to be affectionate with him and allow his naturalness to shine through rather than him trying to be something I or the world wants him to be.” we lace our kids with so much don’t we? We can use kids as a barometer of how well we are “doing” and how well we are “being seen” as parents. The false ideal that if our kids are doing well we must be doing well, is an entrenched one. Thank you for raising the question of parenting. It’s such an important one for each and every generation!
What strikes me Rachel is the truth that we all have a responsibility to relate to children in the way you described – grandparents, aunts and uncles, teachers, sport coaches etc. When these qualities you share are reflected outside the family children can depend on that same love, care and honouring where ever they are.
There is such great responsibilty in this post, I can really feel your responsibilty to raise your son to be a great human being, rather than a great son. And how little ownership you have in this process, instead guiding him with support and love.
Thank you Rachel and Felicity for sharing your approach to parenting now, so inspiring. Serge Benhayon, by sharing his family life, has opened the way for many to come to a new level of love and understanding about parenthood and truly supporting our children to be themselves in full rather than becoming caught up in what they can achieve.
Gorgeous Felicity. I love that your response to the question ‘How are your kids going?’ so clearly expresses exactly how your kids are ‘going’ in terms of their relationship with themselves and others, and not how they are ‘doing’ according to the usual standards (that don’t always take into account the quality and vitality of the child – just what they have been able to achieve).
Yes, it’s a trap I fell into at first with parenting, but not any more , thanks for your appreciation Kylie.
I agree Kylie, and living in London where life is very fast and no one has time, reveals that quality in relationships is not the first port of call. Something that is much needed though.
This article Felicity, is profound and takes us to a deep level of connection with our own families along with anyone we come in contact with. It is easy to continue life and ignore the elephant in the room so to speak, but actually it is as you say, amazing how simple and fun parenting can now be with this attitude.
‘I began to understand that the quality of our home environment and how we interacted with each other was absolutely foundational for my kids’ development.’- super true felicity. School for many people is hard so it’s fundamental to have a truly supportive home environment.
I agree Emily, as I have a 15 year old daughter, it is imperative that she has an environment to come home to where she can express all that she has felt in her day. Being at school is hard and the things she sees, hears and feels are downright horrible at times. She has to be able to express this in a safe and loving environment as she then gets to feel a huge difference between what life is like at school and what she knows to be true at home.
School seems worse today. I would describe my school life as subdued and constipated – not much happened and we were mostly quiet, energetically at least. Very closed off to each other, very cautious. Today things seem to be more in the open, with smartphones and social media there is a lot more interaction but possibly also a lot more control – any mistake you make leads to a photo on facebook. That must be sobering.
Yes I agree Christoff, school is a very different place these days. You talk about the likes of facebook etc and there is no privacy in these young ones lives anymore, everything is definitely out there.
It blesses us all that she gets such solid support at home too, it’s a huge service to humanity that you offer this really, when you consider the implications.
I love reading that Sally. Both you and Felicity have described something very important and so lacking today, and that is a home environment that supports the child as a person – not as a performer. So many children face extraordinary demands, fulfilling what the school needs of them and what their parents need of them. Are we really so lost that we cannot see this and are satisfied with nothing more than good marks in spite of the cost to the person?
Without truth, without stability and without the eyes of a parent that look straight into our essence, we are a boat without a rudder or anchor in treacherous seas.
So true Rachel, The importance and expectation placed on achieving top marks at school can create a situation where the person performing is forgotten for the tenderness and loveliness they are. Rather they are considered a failure or success depending on their marks and performance at school. I know this was the reality for me growing up and for my 14 yr. old daughter it will be different.
Yes Sally, being at school can be intense these days, what I hear from kids at school, what goes on and how kids are with each other, not respecting each other and peoples sensitivity is not easy to deal with day in day out. This especially emphasises the importance of having a family environment where our kids can share what they are feeling, whats going on for them to be listen to and have the space to express.
What a different opportunity you give your daughter when you are providing the space of stillness and love to reflect on. This is for me the true way of parenting, giving the kids the choice to come back to what they know that is true within themeless.
Yes, a place to come home to where you are encouraged and supported to just be you from who you are and not be seen for what you can do.
I agree Rosie it is amazingly supportive to have this, I am just experiencing this with friends/family now and it is the best ever ❤️
Rosie that is the key, which most parents forget. “Yes home to come to where you are encouraged and supported to just being you”, instead the parents get caught up in what you can do.
Providing such a space is so important. They have no expectations upon them and there is the space that allows them to simply be. It makes me reflect on the expectations I have on the kids instead of simply allowing them to be. Yes, to have boundaries but taking away the imposition of expectations upon them.
So true, providing that space and reflection at home that just to be who you are without expectations that you have to be a particular way to be loved and accepted is so important. In this way it is more likely that children can hold this within the barrage of expectations and comparisons in the world.
Yes this is super important for children, and for everyone.
For so long I have focused on the ‘doing’ and not simply being me…and this is clearly reflected to me in all my interactions with my son. Our children are great reflections for us in how we are living.
I agree – and many who don’t have a foundation at home use school in some way – either pushing themselves to reach high academic goals, or changing themselves to fit in with everyone. A firm and loving family home is what gives children the strength to hold strong at school and stay true to themselves.
And to that Rebecca, I would add a respectful home, where children, and parents for that matter, can be themselves.
The fitness ensures that “being ourselves” doesn’t turn into a tantrum-fest.
Great points here Rachel and Rebecca, much in way of true foundation at home can and would change the whole world. Knowing that our relationships with family really set the foundation of all relationships throughout life.
Yes wouldn’t it be amazing to have schools being inspired by those who live a true foundation at home?!
So often I notice schools try to act as a haven for children whose home-lives are chaotic. However they often are still unable to truly connect to the child/young person so the child/young person either learns to stay safe by conforming to whatever rules are set and therefore forgets who they are. Or they rebel in all areas of their lives and take on very self-harming behaviours. What a difference loving, supportive environments makes for us all.
Thank you for this reminder Rebecca and Felicity, ‘A firm and loving family home is what gives children the strength to hold strong at school and stay true to themselves.’ My son is about to start school and it is great to feel that no matter what goes on at school for him he will have a loving foundation and support at home.
I totally agree with all said Rebecca, a strong foundation at home is so important in this stressful set up that our kids get confronted with at school and with other kids. We as parents can provide our kids the place and space where they can feel unconditional love. To feel safe and held in that quality they know that is naturally within themselves, too.
Rebecca I agree “A firm and loving family home is what gives children the strength to hold strong at school and stay true to themselves.”, I feel this is so important, you can tell from children’s behaviour how loving and supportive their homes are. Children are so sensitive that their bodies express things quickly.
The quality of our home is super important, I love caring for this as a family, not just me as an adult. Yes, my part is important and I enjoy more and more caring for our home and my children in a truthful way.
How beautiful is it when children learn the value of caring for their home space as they are growing up, equally contributing to making it a super supportive space for everyone living there.
Yes Emily I agree, parents don’t have control over what happens at school, but I know anything can be handled if we have a strong foundation at home, of love and openess and true care for one another.
This is so true Felicity and I can attest to it in the reverse. I did not offer my children a strong foundation of love and true care at home, nor a clear reflection of self-love and it did not serve them well on any level. Having now chosen to be present and loving with myself my relationships with my children has changed as has their relationship with themselves and bit by bit we are establishing the’ safe port of call’ called our family and this is having a marked effect on them relaxing into being and expressing themselves, warts and all, and to honestly appraising what works and discarding what doesn’t.
Presence and self-love and a safe loving home base are the very basic foundation for life and parenting and work at any age. It is never to late!
I absolutely agree Emily. After a day at school, to have an environment that supports our children is vital and something I am working on consistently. I make mistakes especially with my rhythm but I am learning not to be hard on myself as there is no such thing as perfection.
Emily, school is not only hard but at the moment it cannot handle the overwhelm of emotional and behavioural misconduct. The school system is not supporting for that kind of problems, the teachers themselves cannot handle their overwhelm. So yes, true, a strong and loving home environment is super important for our kids to be able to grow in that kind of challenging school life and life in general.