For as long as I can remember I grew up thinking I didn’t love my mum and worse, I blamed my mum for everything. At the time I believed she was the cause of all my misery and if only she was different, better or like someone else’s mother, my life would be okay.
I grew up constantly trying to change my mother; constantly telling her what she was doing wrong and how she needed to change. My mum is a deeply caring person and because she cares so much, she was often doing things for others at her own expense. I remember a time when we were at the theatre; it was late and I expressed how hungry I was. My mum being the mum she was, offered to go and get me food. Sweet in itself, but for her to do that meant going out into dark deserted city streets on a cold and rainy night. I was appalled that she would want to do that, and told her so in the most unloving way.
What I didn’t express was how much it hurt to watch my mum, a woman I had adored since I was born, continually make choices that were inconsiderate to herself, continually neglecting herself for the benefit of putting others first.
As you would imagine my outburst did not go down too well and even though I didn’t want to see it, I really hurt my mum; to her she was offering support and love and couldn’t understand why I would react so badly. It wasn’t until I was about 26 years old that I started to realize that my quest to change my mother did not work – all it did was to cause further distress, distrust and reaction, increasing the stress on our already tenuous relationship.
What I came to realise is the only person I had the power to change was me.
From that moment on I started to look at all the ways I wanted my life to be different and what I could do to make that happen. I found this a difficult process and my solution was to cut my family out of my life. All I knew was they were hurting me and I couldn’t get them to change, so the most loving thing I could do – so I thought – was to cut them out of my life. I even told my mum that I couldn’t be around them as it hurt too much . . . ouch, my poor mum! I still remember the look on her face.
So I lived that way for a year or so, only attending ‘important’ family events, thinking what I was doing was self-loving. Then I came across the workshops presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, where (people) Serge spoke about self–responsibility and bringing love to yourself and then being that love with everyone else. Boy did the light bulbs come on!
I was not being loving with my family – I was still blaming them and I didn’t take responsibility for my own choices. I discovered I had a major issue with expression and all the things I had not expressed had bottled up inside my body like one big gaping oozing hurt. Once I started expressing how I really felt, those hurts started to decrease bit by bit.
Today I know no one can hurt me: the only thing that truly hurts me is holding back from expressing my true feelings.
If I had told my mum how I truly felt; that her offering to get me food on that cold and rainy night made me really sad, that I adored and cherished her more than anything else, and for her to willingly put herself in danger for me was not something I cherished but something that deeply hurt. I am sure that speaking my truth in that moment rather than reacting would have received an entirely different response.
I always envied those children who said they adored their parents. I never felt that way and it really hurt because deep down I knew I loved my mother dearly. What I have come to discover in my own healing is that my mother loves me dearly too.
We just happened to be each other’s biggest reflections – constantly reflecting to each other all the ways we did not love and adore ourselves.
Thanks to my commitment to truth, love and healing I have no more barriers in the way of just simply loving my mum.
In fact today I can joy-fully share that I not only love my mum, I adore her. She is the most beautiful woman in the world to me. And I am truly blessed that she is my mum.
By Caroline Raphael
Published with permission of my Mum.
What Mothers Teach Daughters
Expressing Love: I Love You
Your blog is beautiful Caroline – to feel how far you have come in your acceptance and appreciation of yourself and your mother is something to behold.
I can relate to being hard on my mother, judgemental and demanding her to be everything – perfect and never accepting her choices that lacked love for herself. Mostly I felt upset that she did not see me yet all along I was never allowing myself to truly see her or to accept what was always before my eyes.
There is such ease and grace in allowing another to be where they are. What a great blessing for you both to have each other and what a blessing for all by your sharing your story with the world.
I loved reading this Caroline, it is amazing to feel how much you have opened yourself up to love with all and consequently with those closest. I have unfortunately ‘cut my family out’ and can see how that is the choice of someone hurt and wounded to get relief rather than truly deal with what is there. A lot to let go of and yet an opportunity to replace those ill-conceived pictures of how those relationships are with truth, connection and love.
An amazing and honest sharing Lee. Thank you it is so refreshing to read.
I agree Johanna08.smith – it is beautiful to read a comment like Lee’s, the honesty and the overall feeling that it is never too late to turn things around.
It’s very humbling to see the part that we play in our close relationships and why. We are fortunately given constant opportunities to to address these through our choices and as Caroline has so beautifully shared through the reflections that we are offered. Beautiful honesty Lee. Thank you.
Time and time again I see how we ALL want love and yet we are all saying to everyone else YOU be love first before I can be love. How much we impose on each other and how deeply harmful that is. Serge Benhayon is the first person I ever met who expresses and reflects love unconditionally with everyone and never judges or imposes. As a consequence thousands of people have transformed by being met by that reflection and discovering it is possible to be love first and you don’t need to demand that the other express it first or be a particular way. It is amazing to see what a difference one person has made and how it is catching on as more and more of us are learning to live that way and reap the huge joys and benefits.
Hear hear Nicola – exactly so: “…it is possible to be love first and you don’t need to demand that the other express it first or be a particular way. ” Very liberating as there is no more waiting and only being.
I am discovering the pain that is caused by holding back love. When we express the love that is there and drop the game of “you show me love first”, it is liberating.
What you share Nicola is gold: “It is possible to be love first…”. Yes when we are love first there is no need at all for another to be anything but how they truly are. This allows us all to be love in our own way. Delightful ways come I’ve discovered, when I stop looking or needing certain ways.
I agree in full Nicola. From the first day I met Serge Benhayon, his ability to truly love – without expectation or imposition – has changed my life, and taught me more than I can say. It IS possible and actually natural, for us to love in full, regardless of what may ‘come back at us’.
This lived, changes the course of humanity, forever.
Witnessing Serge Benhayon love in full has been a guiding light for me as well. This is so well said Victoria and the more we are learning to open our hearts once again the more we will be able to truly support humanity and the god awful mess that we have gotten ourselves into with war, famine, suicide etc
Well said Nicola, I felt the same way too, I lived that – holding everyone to ransom to be the love I wanted them to be before I would be that too. Serge Benhayon turned that around and it turned my life around. The joy is immense and I often ask myself where the arrogance came from to demand that of others when I wasn’t prepared to be that myself.
This is so gorgeous to read Caroline, it is a wonderfully inspiring read. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Caroline, there are some lessons for me to learn here. The only person I have the power to change is me. I know no one can hurt me: the only thing that truly hurts me is holding back from expressing my true feelings.
‘We just happened to be each other’s biggest reflections – constantly reflecting to each other all the ways we did not love and adore ourselves.’ There’s something about the intimacy of the mother-daughter connection that means the reflections back to each other can sometimes be massively confronting for the recipient. As you say, once you go into reaction, you’re gone. I am learning to express how I feel in the moment. That’s challenging, but so worth it. I’m finding truth, lovingly expressed, works every time because anything else is a cover, an avoidance, perhaps a blame but worst of all it’s a lack of responsibility to myself and the other person.
‘I’m finding truth, lovingly expressed, works every time because anything else is a cover, an avoidance, perhaps a blame but worst of all it’s a lack of responsibility to myself and the other person.’ So true Cathy and I am also finding that the more I allow myself to express the truth the more my relationships are evolving and allowing me to bring more of me into them.
Caroline Raphael this is gorgeous. I have just spent 10 days with my mother and I too absolutely love and adore her. She is a secret weapon that has been in hiding and I am ‘outing’ her. She is a ‘powerhouse’ like all women who loves deeply and I am embracing her as the woman that she is.
Marcia this is fantastic – yes it’s time to out the mothers who are power houses for sure. Mine is also and has been hiding but she knows that I know that she knows that I know that she is powerful just like me. My mother’s ability to connect with people is so beautiful to watch.
I love this Simone – ‘she knows that I know that she knows that I know that she is powerful just like me.’ – This is fantastic because ultimately all mothers do know they have just lived a life that has not embraced this strength and seeing there daughters make these choices is deeply inspring for them and they are bursting at the seems to go there also. Go for it mums!
When we deal with our needs it changes all our relationships that we based on fulfilling our needs. It is great to meet a family member where the relationship was based on need and to see that once the need is gone, there is love.
Very well put Christoph. I would add that dropping expectations and our pictures of ‘how things should be’ also frees things up a lot too. That way we get to meet the individual without imposing our ideals on them. That surely takes the pressure off!
That’s a great way of putting it Christoph. I can absolutely see that if I removed that need I have to be ‘understood’ by my family, then I no longer have to try and get something from them, I can just be me, which in turn just allows them to be themselves without expectations.
Great point Christoph. Ah needs, they get in the way so much! I am currently visiting my hometown and seeing family and friends, whilst it been hard to see the relationships I built on need or what was needed from me it has been such a blessing to acknowledge this and do away with it, allowing our relationships to now blossom and expose the love that has always been there.
Such a lovely blog, I can feel how the reflection we have to each other in a relationship, is often causing these misbalances and can feel how it changes when we choose to look at our own hurts and see the other for who they truly are, and that is not their hurts, and I know I can only truly love my mother when I am open with myself and willing to feel how beautiful I am, than I can see that in others too.
Gorgeous point Benkt. If we are not tender and kind towards ourselves we cannot truly bring these qualities to our relationships with others.
Indeed the degree I judge and blame others, I inevitably have already down to myself. Becoming more self-loving and less critical on myself whilst still trying to be honest with my part in dynamics has opened up a whole new level of intimacy in my relationships.
Thank you Caroline I like your simple example of how much struggle, conflicts, hurting each other, lifelong not getting along we can avoid if we express what we truly feel.
Well and simple said Esther, all the obstacles we can avoid if we but express what we truly feel.
Thank you Caroline and I really enjoyed reading this, just the title was inviting and inspiring to read the claim you have made. I can relate to all that is shared and feel motivated to start an honest conversation with my mum as I know in the past I have blamed her for so much and I too experience a caring mum towards everyone but with with no regard for herself or sense of self worth but of course until meeting Universal Medicine could not see this was just a reflection of how I was living too. Now I feel I still get frustrated with how she treats herself and is acceptable of abusive behaviours from others but I do not express this therefore holding back and not sharing the love I have developed for myself.
That point of reflection is a big one, isn’t it? I too did not understand the dynamic at play until I started attending Universal Medicine presentations. And, until I discovered Esoteric Women’s Health and the Esoteric Breast Massage modality, I had no real understanding of self-love (I had none) and the level of self-abuse I had been living with (rather high!). What I disliked in my mum was simply mirroring that which I refused to see in myself. The more I’ve started to love and respect me, the more I’ve lightened up on her.
Well said Victoria. Those we react the strongest to always have the biggest lessons for us. Always important to ask what is this situation reflecting to me, it is easy to turn tale and run and of course blame the other, get caught in right or wrong, or we can stick it out and evolve from what there is to learn. Of course, never do we accept abuse and this also needs to be discerned. P.s. have you ever noticed that you seem to always attract the same type of people, perhaps, just maybe life is trying to teach us something and until we evolve from what that is, we will continue to attract the same type of people and situations.
“What I disliked in my mum was simply mirroring that which I refused to see in myself.” – there’s food for thought Victoria and Caroline when you say “Those we react the strongest to always have the biggest lessons for us. Always important to ask what is this situation reflecting to me”. This is a whole new focus we are never presented as a possible angle to bring focus to and learning from a situation. Totally opens it out and brings it back to our own doorsteps – much more empowering also as “The only person I had the power to change was me!”
Caroline what you are sharing is huge as this speaks of the power of the choices we make and that everything is a choice. Love…not love…I too feel much appreciation for the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. No-one presents self-responiblity the same way. It just makes sense!
“P.s. have you ever noticed that you seem to always attract the same type of people, perhaps, just maybe life is trying to teach us something and until we evolve from what that is, we will continue to attract the same type of people and situations” YES!
This is Golden Harrison, someone should write a book about this.
Ha ha yes Caroline, the same type of person always appears to be a reflection for me of something I am not choosing to see…. They are so annoying! what a gift we have been offered and I have learnt to welcome those reflections now, however challenging they may seem. This blog just builds and builds with all these comments. It is awesome to read all this this morning.
Wow Caroline, there is so much wisdom and explanations in your blog. It is so obvious how we do not want to hurt our loved ones, but by that rob them of their individuality and are only prepared to accept what we have decided is the truth. No matter how big the love is we are held in, if it is not expressed in the way we expect it to be expressed, we will fight it.
Will have to translate your blog for my mother asap. Thank you.
Deeply healing to read your blog, thank you Caroline and thank you mother of Caroline for sharing this story, the story about your relationship. I have been very reactive to my mother as well for a long time and also blaming her for whatever, and I really had to grow up, take responsibility and meet Serge Benhayon to realize how absolutely gorgeous and loving my mother is. Our relationship is so much more open now than it has ever been before.
Caroline I can and I will learn many lessons from reading your story. Thank you!
What a super sweet and inspiring turn around. I ponder the trajectory that could have unfolded without your willingness to take responsibility and get honest with yourself: a reality I watch playing out every day in people’s interactions with each other. Thank you, Caroline, for sharing your story.
Great point Matilda, the trajectory was clear without the support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I can say with practically all certainty that I would have a very challenged if not completely severed relationship with my family. We had a lot of hurts to deal with and without the support and understanding Universal Medicine has brought I doubt I would have been able to turn around what we where choosing to live to the complete love we have today.
Your story and reply to Matilda, really show me Caroline how easy it is to harbour our hurts, blame and judge others for it, but you have shown that with honest self-reflection, (and your part in the dynamic with your mum) how this can be turned around to not only heal your hurts but also turn around the quality of relationship.
So true Matilda until I took responsibility and got honest with the judgement and blame I was bringing to my relationship with my mum nothing changed. Caroline’s honest sharing is very inspirational and I can feel how the love flows now when I take down my protective barriers.
Beautiful to read about the love and adoration you have for your mum and how you now feel able to express this to her.
It was very familiar to read your account of deciding to cut your family out of your life because it hurt too much to see them hurt themselves. Our expressions of love are quite often filtered through a sieve of our own unresolved issues, turning them from love into something less than the truth.
It is awesome that you have been able to come to the realisations that you have had regarding expressing love and your relationship with your mother!
Yes Naren. I know so many people that would relate to the ‘cut the family off’ tale. It is difficult to watch another make choices that do not support them. Caroline’s story shows that the truth is the ‘cutting off’ is actually a way of avoiding responsibility for our own choices, it is not really about blinding ourselves to the choices of others, for if we make truly loving choices ourselves we are not invested in what others choose.
Such a beautiful blog Caroline. I feel inspired to go deeper into where I might still be holding hurts from and judgements of my beautiful mother – and of course, by reflection, where I still hold them towards myself. Thank you.
So True Lucy.
It is a great reflection to see what it is we react to in another – gives a clue as to where the work is needed with ourselves .
And for how long have we been blind to the reflection but only blaming it for dazzling and disturbing us, instead of turning our eyes towards ourselves to see what is highlighted by the reflection.
Yes Alex, what is it that disturbs us and how long have we been blind! When I start looking I find that whichever person I have reacted to the most has only presented me with something, a pattern, a behaviour or an experience that has been before, it is way too familiar. there is frustration that boils over into one person being the messenger but there is equally fury at myself for being there again – supposedly on the receiving end of this injustice. We have an opportunity to be so loving and tender with ourselves when we react to another. To see if this is a repeating pattern and if so why it needed to be repeating, what is our responsibility? are we perhaps holding back an expression that would have shared how we felt that would in fact have stopped what we perceive to be the offending behaviour earlier?
What a beautiful revelation and ending to your very honest and inspiring sharing Caroline thank you. I am deeply touched and moved by your ability to express love fully and can feel the hurts and pain of not expressing all we truly feel inside .Bottling everything up and making our lives a painful experience simply from ignoring this natural way of being who we are feels a sad state for human life to have got to. But the awareness and reflection from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is the greatest gift to humanity .Learning to express ourselves and the love we are and hold for each other really underneath our protection will be the way to change ourselves and the way the world is .This is much needed and your blog is an amazing inspiration.
What a beautifull read Caroline – laying down the armour really pays off, as I’ve discovered too.
‘Laying down the armour…’ when I appreciate the graphic representation of this picture Matt, it feels so hard and unnecessary to keep up the protection. Unless we lay it down, we wither inside and hold back the true love and beauty we are. The armour is truly restrictive, self destructive and damn uncomfortable! Beautiful to read Caroline’s experience of ‘laying down’ her armour. Thank you!
Yes I just lay down the armour and it is so so so lovely to do so. Confronting and challenging but awesome. Lovely story Caroline about letting go of blame and letting your love for your Mum out. Awesome.
So true Matts. Laying down the armour has transformed many of my relationships and the evolution and growth for all of us has been amazing.
The greatest hurt from an experience like is not from the other person not choosing to be Love, but from ourselves not choosing to step up and hold them in our own love and care ourselves. This we always have a choice to do regardless of the situation before us.
Very true Joshua. It is always a choice. A choice that may take a little dedication and practice to make continuously in life, especially coming from old patterns.
The beauty of life is that we a re forever learning and always given another opportunity to choose love.
Great point Johanna and those opportunities often arise from the reflections from others in our relationships, sometimes I find these reflections uncomfortable but if I stay open to that person and to learning we can both grow in our love.
This is beautiful Joshua, wouldn’t the world be a different place if we held others in love and accepted them for who they were instead of blaming them and harbouring hurts.
I enjoyed reading your blog Caroline. It is amazing how much we blame our parents for not being how we would like them to be, without actually seeing how amazing they are. My mother is now 88 and still enjoying life and the more I am able to see her for who she is and not just see her as my mum, then all the expectations of how I would like her to be drop away and I can enjoy her for who she is.
Caroline your gentle, clear honesty is appreciated. That you’ve arrived at the place where nothing stands in the way of you just loving your Mum is truly amazing.
So gorgeous to read Caroline. My experience is exactly the same, I would push away any loving attention just because I did not love myself and did not express how I truly felt. This felt very much as a self-made prison to me. Now through the support of Universal Medicine and the wisdom presented at their workshops and presentations I also started to love myself and this has been the key to allowing myself to express my love for other as well as let in love from others.
Wow Caroline. What you have written is as beautiful as you are – inside and out.
This is so beautiful to read and so appropriate on what would have been my mother’s 91st birthday. I can really relate to being each other’s reflections and how we were ‘constantly reflecting to each other all the ways we did not love and adore ourselves.’ My mother died 16 years ago and at the time I thought I had worked through my issues with her but I am still finding things come up that I need to let go of and today I am choosing to appreciate all that she gave me and how deeply we loved each other. Thank you so much Caroline for sharing your love and adoration for your mother.
A very important topic in itself but that aside, what a beautiful sharing of your unfolding relationship with yourself and your mother. I can certainly relate to this in many ways, most notably wanting to change other people. I have found that this is because of not wanting to take full responsibility for myself and my choices/decisions but also sometimes because I haven’t wanted to be the one to take responsibility and initiative to be the maker of change. But as is evident in your blog, change supports everyone equally.
I can relate to this Shannon. We often want others to ‘change’ to relieve the tension that is created within us when we do not express the love we so naturally are. Funny thing is, the tension remains regardless for it is ours to feel and when we give ourselves permission to release the love that is already there, not only does the tension subside but others are often inspired to release more of the same from within them. Therefore, the key to ‘changing’ people, as with all things, begins with our ability to be love. That it is this simple is an indication of the complication we have allowed to get in the way…
Liane – absolute gold. The key in everything is our ability to be love. Our ability to express the love that we are. The simplicity of the love.
Yes, I too get stuck in the need of people to change and be a certain way to make me feel better about how I am. Like you say Liane – the tension is mine to feel and the relief is fleeting. Getting caught in the want for others to do the healing for me or the changing actually gives my power away – I am attempting to hand over my journey. This never works – thank God, then I would miss out on the magic of reconnecting to who I truly am and living the love I am here to live.
Absolutely Nailed it Liane, the tension in trying to change someone is because at that moment we haven’t chosen to be love. And the key to changing things in the world is to be love, brilliant.
Absolutely Liane. Our ability to love and to understand observationally is the all-important factor in relationships. Not until I met Serge Benhayon did I fully appreciate, feel and understand the power of reflection in our lives. Only the other day at a course, I was walking past a little baby, only a few weeks old, and the power of his reflection healed a protection I was carrying about the birth of my daughter’s new daughter. At some level I was afraid that she would lose this child like all the others and i couldn’t fully open my heart to welcome the new little one about to come. Fully registering this baby’s reflection however helped my heart. Very powerful experience.
Yep, we often want the other to change, instead of taking responsibility ourselves. We fool ourselves by thinking we ‘cut’ the hurt out of life by not seeing the other, that so called hurt us. But that is an illusion, for we are love. And we have to force and hurt ourselves to not be love.
I was touched by your blog Caroline, and can relate to much that you have written. As a teenager and into my 20s I was quite heartless in how I treated my mum. In the past few years since attending Universal Medicine we have become so close and so honest, and I too have come to realise that I love my mum too.
I too can relate Maree and Caroline to spending too much time in the past judging my mother for my perceived hurts and issues growing up. What really changed for me was when my Mum called me on it and I was able to see and appreciate how much she loved me and supported me through the years.
Caroline, thank you for sharing such a poignant part of your life . In families it can be difficult to communicate how we feel if we have not been encouraged to , or didn’t know how to. In my family I was discouraged from expressing anything that might upset someone at the dinner table and I learnt from this experience to not ” rock the boat”, consequently as I grew up I still carried the same behaviour and was classified as shy or quiet. It is something that I am only now learning to do, and value my expression and myself as much as I value others. It is lovely to know that you and your Mum have reconciled and are so close now and love and value each other so much. Thank you Caroline.
Oh yes Roslyn, I can so relate to this ‘do not rock the boat’ behaviour chosen in childhood – it felt very unsafe and threatening to do so for many years. Attending presentations by Serge Benhayon continue to inspire me to value and bring my expression to more fullness –
“It is something that I am only now learning to do, and value my expression and myself as much as I value others.”
I agree Stephanie. There has been and still is a slow but fairly gentle re-connection back to what is my own innate safe and loving space to build my expression from. Backing myself absolutely has been a foundational part of this process.
It is amazing how so many people are not encouraged to express within their families – the place that they should feel safest to be themselves. However, it is never to late to relearn how to communicate and express yourself, as this blog shows.
How we can hurt the people we love when we don’t know how to express what we truly feel! Thank you for writing this gorgeous loving blog, for all the daughters and mothers who do truly love each other as you and your mum do Caroline.
So true Bernadette. I’ve noticed too there’s a mile of pain created when we don’t take the time to communicate what we feel. I know I have used a lot of shorthand in my expression, and often frustration, when a great deal of detail was actually what was required. I’ve come to realise I believed I was never worth the time and space needed to express in full – a good belief to drop.
And so often our picture is completely different to the other persons which can easily come to light and resolve great imbalance and potential conflict rather than not going there, leaving what is ‘not said’ hanging suspended in air and allowing a swell of unresolved emotions, ideas and assumptions which gather in complexity and harm us all.
Understanding that we hurt the people we love when we don’t know how to express what we truly feel is gold Caroline and Bernadette. It provides the impetus to not hold back and provides the opportunity to deepen the love in all our relationships.
The blog reminds me how I can get stuck in trying to ‘fix’ what I think is wrong with the world. I’ve tried that with my parents too, thinking I’m bringing this great revelation but really its all laced with my own hurts and reactions so must be incredibly difficult to hear.. especially from their own son. However, Universal Medicine have helped me to see that appreciating other people is what really works, while working on what we can be responsible for… and that way the love grows in us, and expands out into the world.
I completely agree Simon. I have observed that whatever I say, no matter how great a revelation I think it is, is not energetically true if it is said from a place of reaction. Therefore it is neither helpful or healing and more likely to be harmful. So often we think we are trying to help others but really we are wanting to change them to protect our hurts because we don’t like seeing their choices. This is selfish and just makes the whole situation worse. The key for me is to stop demanding that things be the way I want them to be, to stop trying to control situation and instead to observe and bring in understanding.
This is so true Nicola, ‘we think we are trying to help others but really we are wanting to change them to protect our hurts because we don’t like seeing their choices. This is selfish and just makes the whole situation worse. The key for me is to stop demanding that things be the way I want them to be, to stop trying to control situation and instead to observe and bring in understanding’. Absolutely, likewise I am choosing to be love, to observe, understand, and accept where they are.
Well said Nicola. “The key for me is to stop demanding that things be the way I want them to be, to stop trying to control situation and instead to observe and bring in understanding.” It is the observation that gives us that step back out of reaction’s way so that we have the space to understand what is going on for the other without bringing ourselves into the equation.
Very wise words Nicola, the impulse to change another is like a knee jerk reaction and rather a poisonous one once one gets that it is all about protecting oneself from the pain of seeing what ‘they’ are doing. I find the key is the same as yours, letting go of wanting it to be different and bringing a big dose of observation and understanding.
Absolutely – the quick, get it out of my awareness fix…which only serves to put us into a deeper fix…attached to the situation needing to be different and holding on to views with dogged stubbornness. We are left with the existing hurt and top this with the hurt of abandoning our great wisdom and infinite understanding and bringing harm to another.
‘The key for me is to stop demanding that things be the way I want them to be, to stop trying to control situation and instead to observe and bring in understanding’. I really relate to this Nicola. The more I learn about self love and self care the more I see of myself and also others, especially when they make choices that limit or harm them. There are fine lines between being honest with someone, judging and offering true support. I’ve learned the hard way that the best support we can offer another is to let them be, regardless of their choices. As everything is energy even sending an article from a true and supporting website, if sent without love or without asking the person first, can be construed as meddling or trying to control. Looking out to at the choices other people make can be a way of avoiding looking at ourselves.
Love what you’ve said here Nicola, it is true – if we don’t apply humbleness and understanding it will not be heard or received, no matter how ‘true’ it might seem to be.
Very true Nicola. Especially with parents this triggers old hurts of wanting them to be different. It helped me very much to honestly see that I still blamed my parents for the man I had become. Seeing that and bringing in understanding, together with letting go of the blame and taking responsibility of my own life helped a lot. Then I could start feeling that I really love them.
Yes, we all long to be understood and accepted. Just as we sought this from our parents when we were younger, our parents and all others, need this understanding from us. Otherwise, when we demand others to be a certain way with no understanding, we are just having a temper tantrum with the world that hurts everyone, including ourselves.
Beautifully said Nicola. I can feel when I am in reaction my awareness is shut down and I then lose the opportunity to understand what is going on.
Well said Nicola. We have these conditions on life, and if people and events don’t match up to those we react big-time. And, as you say, there can be no truth if words come from reaction and not love. This kind of controlling totally is a form of self-protection because we can’t face feeling our own hurts or, as you say, we don’t like seeing others’ choices.. We have built castle walls around us in this way, always on the look-out over the parapet. Time to let those walls crumble and open-heartedly embrace what is there before us, not the damaging behaviour, but the Son of God who mistakenly bought into that behaviour.
‘Working on what we can be responsible for…’ That is so it Simon – that is how we change the world, not by forcing our views on others from a place of reaction but by living and being the change we want to see. And that means really embodying it, not just talking about it. I’m starting to learn exactly what this means, or rather, exactly how it feels.
I have also been through that painful experience Simon. Feeling I was giving great advice to my parents and then being annoyed that it wasn’t being accepted. I know now it was very arrogant of me, and all the while I was very stubbornly not looking at my own hurts and what I could do to make more loving changes for myself. It is wonderfully healing to let go of the picture of how you think people should be, and start to lovingly accept them for who they are. That only started to happen when I did 1t for myself.
Yes, Simon I can relate to what you share about getting stuck in trying to ‘fix’ what I think is wrong with the world. But as you say they are only coming from my own hurts and reactions. Universal Medicine has brought so much understanding towards me that I am learning to bring understanding towards others.
Rachel this is great, I carried such hurt at feeling misunderstood, feeling like no one really knew me. Not till I met Serge Benhayon did I actually feel the relief that someone finally gets me. From this I started to develop confidence in living the real me again. Today I watch the same occur for thousands of others, people starting to trust and have confidence in themselves again. As it has been said many times, this needs to be taught in schools, do this and we break the cycle of hurt once and for all.
This makes so much sense to me Simon – I have found myself not seeing the beauty of where everyone is at with their owns choices and having expectations that things can be fixed to be better for them. Just writing these words now feels awful, disrespectful and imposing. So why did I go there? – To avoid the reflection back to me of my own choices.
I can relate to what you are saying here Simon in the reverse though trying to fix situations with my children totally laced with my own hurts and if they could be certain was I wouldn’t have to feel my hurts.
Caroline this is such a powerful and important piece of writing thank you… blaming our parents is such a commonplace thing, even when we don’t really think we are. What you show is that hurts don’t come by the actions of another, but from what we choose to take on about those actions in relation to ourselves. This is life changing… as to see all that was required was to have expressed in full what was actually felt in relation to those actions… rather than reacting and behaving in a manner that is in turn likely to be hurtful to them, seems so simple.
So true Jenny.
Makes one wonder how much of the way we live life is a reaction to having not expressed what was there to say in the first place? Talking seems such a simple step to take rather than carry a mountain full of unexpressed feelings with us.
Deborah I would have a stab at answering your question and say that the world as it currently is, is simply one massive reaction. I reckon that over 95% of what goes on is a reaction, perhaps higher. That’s pretty shocking and it then leads to the question, if most of what is going on is a reaction, then how hard is it for most people not to react ?
And if most of our interaction is reaction, than what is the quality of our interaction?
What are we actually communicating and expressing to each other? Our unresolved hurts as a result of looking at the world through a filter of our unhealed issues?
Jenny, I love what you have added to Caroline’s sharing especially, ‘What you show is that hurts don’t come by the actions of another, but from what we choose to take on about those actions in relation to ourselves.’ This too is life changing when we connect with the truth of it. Holding back and not expressing has been huge for me and is still a work in progress. Caroline’s gradual understanding of herself and her mother’s love, is truly beautiful and inspiring.
This is life changing Jenny, ‘hurts don’t come by the actions of another, but from what we choose to take on about those actions in relation to ourselves.’ All we have to do is express fully, from the love that we naturally are, what we are feeling in relation to those actions.
It is funny how we can turn things around to make them so complicated isn’t it. You are so spot on here Jenny – if we just said what we felt, laid it all bare, how much more simple would life be. I deeply appreciate Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and all those who are committed to communicating and expressing from what they are feeling and not holding back. It is a constant source of inspiration.
Great point Jenny and Simone. Expressing what you feel and not holding back. This is definitely something worth working on and developing in all our relationships even if at times it is so very very uncomfortable. Being ok with being uncomfortable and expressing in full, until expressing in full is normal.
Gorgeous Jenny, I have certainly found that blaming our parents for our hurts doesn’t serve anyone. But understanding and opening up serves all.
Yes Jenny I agree this is life changing and it needs our commitment to be honest or truthful all of the time.
So true Jenny…..Imagine how different the world would be, if everyone knew that the truth of our hurts doesn’t come from the actions of another, But from what we “choose to take on about those actions in relation to ourselves.” It makes so much sense, for us all to be honest with ourselves and take responibility, in different situations…what is my part in this situation happening now? What do I need to truely express from my heart?
Yes Jody and Caroline, this is the key to the whole thing about human discord and disease. We have been hoodwinked into thinking that we can protect ourselves by blaming another for the way things are going, whereas if we take responsibility, look at what we ourselves are actually registering feeling, and deal with that chances are we will come out with deep understanding and love about the whole situation. So empowering!
And this in itself is the magic of healing …. “It makes so much sense, for us all to be honest with ourselves and take responibility, in different situations…what is my part in this situation happening now? What do I need to truely express from my heart?” What a formula to free yourself from blame and irresponsibility. Thank you Jody.
This is gold, what a blessing for both of you that you were able to get to the bottom of why your Mum’s ways annoyed you. By taking responsibility you are able to see your part and then just let her be.
Amd I love how she didn’t have to change, you now just love her for being who she is- GOLD!
Yes, I agree this is deeply inspiring and healing. To allow another to be and to love them deeply.
Caroline, as I read this I can feel the love and appreciation I have for my mum but am also reminded of all the times I have been hard on her or not given her the time she needed. Its not until we have this appreciation of our mums that we truly can look at how we may have reacted to the refection of ourselves that we have seen in them.
Very true Anne, my mother reflects so much to me and it has in the past been easy to blame her or avoid her rather then look at what it is in myself that she is bringing up.
I too have found that we need an appreciation of our mums for us to have an understanding of the reflection they give us.
I find it amazing how many arguments we get into with people we love, simply because we haven’t actually expressed what we are feeling – how many could we avoid by simply being honest and saying that something hurt or doesn’t feel right, rather than reacting. So many people see arguments as a normal part of any relationship, but what you’re presenting is that actually, underneath all that, when you connect to the deep love and care you have for that person and express it, there is no need for tension or upset.
I agree Rebecca, where we override what we are feeling, bury are hurts and not express what we feel or are unsure how to express what we truly feel. So many arguments, upsets, pain and anger could be healed if we took more care in how we expressed to others and be a reflection of this for the next generation. I am learning more and more through what Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have presented in that ‘Expression IS Everything’. The way in which we express constantly truly matters.
This is so true Rebecca some people can not even fathom being in a relationship without arguments.
I agree, we argue so much with the people we love and a lot of the time we don’t know why we are arguing because it is nothing to do with what the real hurt is. It is shocking how arguments are seen to be normal. Like in relationships it is proclaimed to be alright to argue because it brings you closer together. Doesn’t this seem crazy?
I agree Ben it is crazy, that we not only fight with the one’s we love, we actually believe it is acceptable and normal. There is nothing normal about fighting you only have to watch young children play to see that it is not part of our natural make up.
Being in relationship with others could be child’s play yet we manage to bring complexity and disharmony to many of our relationships – bringing the baggage of unresolved hurts and expressing our own pain rather than seeing another with fresh eyes and expressing the love we are.
Great comment Rebecca – those pesky reactive arguments should be avoided at all costs as they are clearly not a normal part of any relationship.
Beautifully said Rebecca. And it’s so true that many of us see arguing as a “normal part” of relationship. This was my experience prior to being introduced to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon and it has only been through developing a love and care for myself that I have learnt there is another way to be in relationship, and that honesty, awareness, expression and taking responsbility are amongst these keys to this being a different way.
Beautifully expressed Rebecca and so very true – it is so easy to get into an argument with a loved one (or anyone for that matter) when we hold back from expressing what we are feeling.
So often we don’t simply ask another why they behaved a certain way, or made a choice that doesn’t make sense to us. If we did, instead of assuming we know, there would be many more openly loving relationships and much less perceived hurts.
This is great Heather, and a key step in my healing process. Accepting that I don’t know everything. In my early discussions with my mum I stopped assuming and really started asking. I started asking why she said what she said or did what she did and I can honestly say every answer completely blew me away, I seriously did not know. Our hurts and need to protect ourselves often makes us read and interpret situations incorrectly, the greatest thing I ever did was accept I didn’t know.
Wow I used to be so arrogant and dismissive, especially of my Mum, that I never considered she was a person in her own right and assumed so much based on my narrow mindedness. It’s been lovely to hear what she has to say and appreciate who she is, not my 2d version.
What Heather and Caroline have both shared here touches me, I have been the daughter who was frustrated and the mother who frustrated. The going around and coming around has been in my face. I love the guidance to not presume we know in both cases. To ask more questions and to understand how another person feels ensures they feel understood and when I share how I feel I can imagine it will be substantially less loaded with assumptions.
Lucy so true, so many misconceptions between people, especially those we love deeply. A while ago now mum and I had a disagreement before going to bed and I remember feeling so upset that we had left each other like that. But at the time I didn’t know what else to do. On reflection before going to bed I realised who cared who was “right” or “wrong” all I cared about was how we left each other was not loving. So in the morning I went into my mum to see how she was, I was a little nervous as I was unsure of how she was going to be with me so in hindsight I can say I was already on guard. I crawled into bed next to my mum to just cuddle her and to my horror she moved away from me. My first reaction based on the perception that she was rejecting me was to get up and walk out the room, but didn’t and instead decided to express and asked “mum why are you moving away from me” and to my utter amazment she said “I am not I am making more room for you”. I was so deeply humbled and in that moment years of mis-understandings stood in front of me showing me just how difficult I had made life because I had not expressed and instead chosen to react. Something I got to truly understand that night is love is so much stronger than any disagreement.
This is very True Heather. I was taught in my first job to never ‘assume’ for it makes an ass (out of) u (and) me.
We deny another true expression by the judgement we hold to know and if we hold back true expression then we will never arrive at the needed understanding that is being offered in that moment for each of us.
That is so true Rebecca. When we connect to how much we cherish the other person, then any tension or argument becomes an opportunity to go deeper in a true relationship with them. We don’t shut ourselves off in such circumstances and keep them out, instead, and even though it’s uncomfortable, there can be such a willingness to look at what’s really going on — and in my experience every time this happens, there’s an opportunity for so much more honesty and truth between two people who let themselves be seen in all their vulnerability. A truly beautiful way to be in relationship.
Yes, Rebecca, spot on. We often react because we do love so deeply, we just haven’t learnt how to express all of that love when we are hurting or sad. Being more understanding (rather than reactive) and expressing with honesty all of the love we feel is the medicine we all need in relationships.
Absolutely amazing Wisdom Rebecca. If we said things weren’t feeling right straight up, and communicated everything openly straight away it would create so much less complication and drama and people wouldn’t fight as often. I am really inspired by what you say, in the long run it is far better to be honest about EVERYTHING, rather then have some things we reserve or hold back.
Very true Rebecca and Harrison it is far more simple if we express straight up what we are feeling, it also guarantees we do not go into hurts. Hurts are only there when we do not express and in our lack of expression we open ourselves up to energy that fuels and creates hurt.
Reading this bought tears to my eyes. Thank you for your honest sharing Caroline. There is a lot here I relate to. My mother has passed away and the build up of all the love I never expressed to her has tormented me tremendously at times. What I feel in your experience is that you have become much more understanding of your mum, who she is and how she chooses to live, this is beautiful and I can feel has created a lot of space for you to express your love. I have learned that expressing my love now is healing the hurt I have been holding, the love I never expressed to my mother when she was alive.
That’s beautiful, Abby – “expressing my love now is healing the hurt I have been holding”. Expressing love is so healing because it confirms who we are in our essence and re-connects us to the truth. This can heal any old hurt, blame or sadness by helping us to understand and accept that in those moments we were simply not being our naturally loving selves.
Beautifully expressed both Abby and Janet. Our relationships with out mothers is never far from us, even if they have passed on. For me it is about love and the knowing of love and warmth that mothers represent. We feel love, missing or present when the term ‘mother’ is expressed. For me despite our joint imperfections, I can feel the woman my mother is, her hurts and inadequacies. Sometimes I wish she were different and know that my hurts are judging her. Healing of our hurts is perhaps feeling the mother within ourselves who can love us unconditionally and allows us to heal the hurts of life.
Very well said Janet and Abby. Expressing is deeply healing – unlocking all that we have denied, held back and therefore brought ill to our body.
Expression is true medicine and as Caroline has shared beautifully has infinite healing power.
Deborah I agree that expressing is deeply healing and often it is just as healing for the person who is receiving the expression as it is for the person who is actually expressing..
Exactly Alexis, expression develops connection – with oneself and with others.
A powerful example of the healing power of expression.
Why do we leave it until someone is ill or dying to express how we really feel?
My grandmother used to say ‘bring me flowers while i am alive – don’t wait until I can no longer enjoy them’…this has reminded me to appreciate what is right in front of our noses and to never hold back in expressing what is there to be said.
I grew up in a family that hardly expressed. Yes, we talked but there wasn’t an expression of how or what we were feeling. We clearly weren’t the best reflections for each other, as none of us were really expressing, so there was nothing highlighting that this was in anyway quite strange behaviour for a family. Then in walked Serge Benhayon and his family and I had a new marker for expression. Their reflection is now a constant marker and reflection of all that is possible to live and express.
Absolutely Vicky. A reflection of true family and true relationships and expression in full with no holding back – Thank God for the Benhayon’s for leading the way.
Indeed it is deeply healing to express. I recently expressed something towards my Mum which I hadn’t done for a long time. I was always scared she would resist hearing what I had to say. But when I was in the right place with no attachment to the outcome and very much feeling that I was coming from my love and I could share and say all I expressed to my mother and my mother was very open to hearing it as she too was in her heart. There was a deepening of two women honoring themselves and each other.
Agree Abby, acceptance and an allowing of people to ‘just be’ creates a space for flow of exchange, the ease that Caroline has. When we have demands of another to change we reduce this space and it becomes dense where there is no ‘movement of acceptance’. Over the years developing and deepening acceptance has been so freeing: the more I accept who I am and express the love I am, the easier it is to be with others.
This is a beautiful sharing Abby as it shows that expressing love towards any person is not reduced to that person, but in our overall expression of love. It is about expressing love every single day towards every single person. This is why when we feel we did not express love towards a person who passed away we can heal it by just expressing more our love generally. That is so beautiful as it shows us our divine origins and that we are all coming from one source.
Abby, I can relate to your comment above to Caroline’s beautiful blog, about feeling as though your expression of love to your Mother was held back. Is it possible there was something going on here in the form of ‘reflection’. I wonder at this, for I felt when my Mother was alive, especially so in my childhood, that the deep love I tried to express and knew was deep in my heart was not in my eyes understood, reciprocated, or reflected – but there may lie the perception of a need-full child. Interesting to ponder on. I truly sense the love in your words “I have learned that expressing my love now is healing the hurt I have been holding…..”
I realise that I can bring a lot more understanding to people, especially my family and my mother so that I can love them and adore and more importantly express how it is I feel about them. Caroline’s story is very inspiring.
For me as well, it is such an inspiering blog! I wonder why it feels so uneasy to express how much we love someone or to simply express when we feel hurt.
Deeply inspiring and a potential for True mother-daughter relationships.
That is indeed beautiful: that expressing love now, heals the hurts of the past. Thanks for this profound insight Abby.
That is so beautiful Caroline. I can certainly relate to what you have written, though it took me many more years than you to realise that it wasn’t about my Mum at all. That I was using my Mum as a convenient person to blame because I wasn’t willing to look at my own choices, which were less than loving towards myself and subsequently others. I get the hurt you felt and this has changed for me too, as I woke up to the fact of self responsibility thanks to Serge Benhayon. I have much more love and understanding now and can see her for the beautiful woman she is and always was.
Yes, Jeanette, I can relate to this completely. What a great wake up call to live more responsibility when we finally understand how our choices impact everyone (including ourselves) and how healing for all parties concerned – “it took me many more years than you to realise that it wasn’t about my Mum at all. That I was using my Mum as a convenient person to blame because I wasn’t willing to look at my own choices, which were less than loving towards myself and subsequently others”
Caroline, my mum and I were reflections of each other too, and i spent years of my life ‘fighting her off’ , she was such a strong character. And then as she grew old I began to see the sheer beauty and love of her then frail but indomitable character, And all else fell away, and there was only love.
Caroline this is a deeply moving and inspiring blog. I can relate to almost every word you write here. Much work has been done with recognising how I used to blame and wanting my mother to be different to make me feel ‘better’ about myself without having to change myself. – rather a big ouch here! Through deep changes I have made with my choices and being more responsible I have begun to see very clearly –
“What I didn’t express was how much it hurt to watch my mum, a woman I had adored since I was born, continually make choices that were inconsiderate to herself, continually neglecting herself for the benefit of putting others first”.
Caroline, that is such a beuatiful sharing. I can so relate to what you are saying about not expressing the truth and bottling it up so that it became so hurtful inside that it came out poisoning and with a sting. I was imprisoned in this behaviour myself and with the support from Universal Medicine and learning that it all starts with the way I honour what I feel in every moment and express accordingly, this denigrating and harmful pattern no longer has a hold on me.
A great reflection for me here too Eva, because I too have often criticised, blamed or judged others based on my own hurts and yes, with many a sting at times (ouch!). The more I have become aware of this, and am willing to be honest about how I’m feeling, the more I make it about me and less about another (and what they are / aren’t doing etc.). It’s very freeing to take responsibility for our own hurts and to keep expressing and the easier it is to be open to, and appreciative of others!
Angela and Caroline it’s such a small sentence to say that ‘ we can’t change another and so can only really ever take reponsibility for how we feel’.. In homes, work places, in the community, on the roads, in schools, colleges, universities, governments, everywhere in fact people are blaming others for how they feel. If we were to each take responsibility for how we feel than the world would literally be a different place.
You are right Alexis, blaming something for my condition is a huge part of the human way of thinking and an utter delusion. And what I’ve discovered, contrary to how it is commonly thought about, is that taking full responsibility for my life and everything that happens in it, is wonderfully empowering, freeing and completely changes my relationships with others – without perfection of course.
Well said Alexis! “If we were to each take responsibility for how we feel than the world would literally be a different place.”
The word responsibility seems to have lost its truth in today’s world. It is almost a bad word, in that to take responsibility is to punish or blame yourself. With the support of Universal Medicine I have come to see that responsibility is a very very cool word. Taking responsibility for the way I drive affects others on the roads, and for the way I walk affects those around me. The responsibility I speak of is to be myself, and hold all equal to me, and in that I live responsibility every day, with not an ounce of blame in sight.
So true Heather – there can be an association of dread, marching up to the headmasters office and some arduous path in front. I wonder if this discomfort is really just us not wanting to feel that we have been living a reckless carefree life without consideration of how our choices impact others?
Alexis it is incredible how far and wide we are prepared to spread our hurts … some with and without conscious awareness. The impact this has on everyone affects everyone yet we can justify because we are hurt. If we taught a choice of being responsible for our hurts your spot on the world would be a different place.
So true Sandra. The very simple reality of how we perceive the world, and force our blame, frustration and anger on to others, when we live life without taking responsibility for how we think we have been hurt has a massive impact.
The world would be so different if we all took responsibility for ourselves in this.
These are great points Heather and Sandra, responsibility can be seen as a dirty word, yet it is the most loving thing you can be for another. Thank you for expressing what you have here, this is one of the very first things we should be taught. If we all took responsibility for how our actions impacted on another we would be living in a very different world.
These are great points Heather and Sandra, responsibility can be seen as a dirty word, yet it is the most loving thing you can be for another. Thank you for expressing what you have here, this is one of the very first things we should be taught. If we all took responsibility for how our actions impacted on another we would be living in a very different world.
Very well said Sandra , Heather and Caroline.
Responsibility is Love and what a difference our world will be if this is known by all and lived from the start.
Yes, it is wise to consider the reflection and why we may be disturbed by this in some way…for this is a great gift we deny ourselves of when we blame others for bringing it to us.
This is a great way of expressing this Eva and shows how damaging this behaviour is to our bodies and those whom we take it out on. This behaviour no longer has a hold on me either and the more I see this as just a behaviour the more I am able to really understand that this is not me whatsoever. Working on just being our true self is far more fun that the merry go round that this behaviour can allow.
This is great reading your comment Eva. I was not aware how much i hold back and not communicate with my parents how i really feel. Rather playing a role which i realize now. But not even realizing it or not wanting to look at it honestly. Always wondering why i have so much resistance to visit them. This blog is amazing to look closer at the relationship with my mother/parents.
Me too Eva, I have come to realise that bottling things up turns the simplest of situations into a seething volcano, which tends to splatter everyone in the vicinity when it explodes. Not a great way to express oneself! The teachings of Universal Medicine have shown me that expression is everything and slowly I am realising that if I express what I am feeling in the moment nothing is given the opportunity to fester and grow.
Thank you Rowena,
You have inspired me to speak up in the moment. I have been one to let things fester and grow, doing this things just get more complicated and difficult. I like the feeling of simplicity that responding in the moment offers.
This is great to hear Eva as it is defiantly a very harmful way of living for each and everyone of us. Some may not even know that this is how they are living. Honour what you feel is also a very alien way to live life at present as for so many we are to get on with our day, do what is expected without even a second thought so a great pattern to break down and re-imprint.
Yes Eva, expressing truth is key to a healthy and loving life. I too have bottled things up for years and then felt resentful towards others and blamed them for how I felt. What I know now is that I am responsible for how I feel, and if something doesn’t feel right then it is up to me to say so. Not only do I then clear what’s not true from my own body but I give another the opportunity to see that maybe there is another way to say or do something without hurting anyone. This is still a work in progress but something I am much less anxious about expressing since being inspired by the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Caroline’s example of her expression in full -as opposed to the reaction, shows me how I had a choice to be loving with many people who were reflecting choices of my own I had difficulty living with and was reacting to. This level of honesty I had hitherto ignored , vehemently so when younger, is something I am inspired to further develop so that my relationship with myself and others can be loving, not reactive.
Your revelation on you and your Mother being each others biggest reflections is lovely, I sometimes still feel frustrated at why my mother never takes any self care but is always doing everything for others. I see that all I need to be is a true reflection to her and speak my own truth to allow her space to be who she is too.
Thank you for sharing Caroline.
So true Andrew. I have been taking this loving approach with my family. And the evolution of our relationships has been amazing.
Great to hear Anne-Marie, I too used to get frustrated with my mum not taking care of herself and doing everything for others, even when she was terminally ill. All we can be is a true reflection, speak our truth and be love.
Andrew, I take counsel from your comment to Caroline and I truly feel the value in your words “I can see that all I need to be is a true reflection to her and speak my own truth to allow her space to be who she is too.” A great reminder to just simply be, and allow the reflection to play out its’ magic.
The power of reflection again, to shine one´s love and truth by living it for everyone to see and choose by their own free choice without expectation or need to make them change.
The choice to be openly loving sound so simple, and yet so few do it! This is the power of the work offered by Universal Medicine, to help each person come out from behind their masks to be the loving being that we all inherently are.
Yes, and the power of the work offered by Universal Medicine is by reflection as there is no mask. What is presented is the naked truth of love which is the love we all truly are.
A great gift indeed offered by Universal Medicine. And I for one would not have the love, care and understanding in my expression and body as I do today if it was not for that gift.
It is the greatest gift of all yes. and I love the way Universal Medicine just presents and models a way of living the love we are but it is left up to us to choose this way, embrace it and make the changes necessary to live it, just like Caroline Raphael has shared. It is very empowering, very real, and more sustainable when we choose love as the basis of our own ‘everyday livingness’.
Agreed Johanna. In fact ‘The Greatest Gift in this World’ has been offered to us by Universal Medicine in the form of Love, care, understanding and support with regard to what we now know about true expression.
I have often asked myself what is the worst that can happen if I let go of the mask,, let people in, and be more love, and I can’t really come up with an answer! It doesn’t make sense does it, that we hide away from something that we truly yearn for, making our lives more complicated than they need be in the process. You are so right Heather, when you say that Universal Medicine is lovingly supporting us to come out from behind the mask, and what is awesome is that I can see many people starting to do just that, which continues to be an inspiration to me to let go of my own mask.
I too have found comfort in a mask and not showing my true colours for fear of what people think, yet I have come to realise 2 key points; 1. that in holding back I am suppressing my true self and holding that back from others does more harm than good, 2. That people are all generally a bit worried about not showing their true selves so we’re much more likely to be worried about ourselves rather than if someone else is holding back or not – which like you, gets me to the place of why hold back and what are you waiting for? I thank Universal Medicine for seeing behind my mask and presenting to me that perhaps I am more than just a mask
Great question Sandra. I have asked myself the same question when it comes to my family, and as long as I stay connected to me and stay true there is nothing to lose, but this comes down to me, not the other person.
Beautiful Heather, it does sound very simple to live love but to actually live this in our everyday with everyone takes work and commitment. The students of Universal Medicine are working on exactly this everyday.
Well said Sally!
I cannot appreciate the work offered by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine enough. Coming out of blaming others for anything to understanding that our only focus is being love (no hiding, but full on!) and accepting ourselves and others for where we and they are at.
Me too Katinka. What I feel more and more is how deeply honouring and loving it feels to be ourselves with others.
Hear hear Heather, I know that I would not be where I am if it was not for Universal Medicine and being open to letting people in and letting my love come out. As you say it is a simple thing to do but many of us don’t choose to be all the Love that we are.
I love what you said Heather about Universal Medicine……. it is so true. More and more people everyday, are coming out from under those masks. It is so awesome to feel and see. People living and expressing, who they truly are, wìth absolute freedom.
Alex, that is what I am learning also, all we can do is learn and understand truth, and live that truth to the best we can, and absolutely not have any attachment to or investment in another person understanding it or getting it. Love allows another to get to the truth in their own time and space free from imposition.
So true Anne.
“Love allows another to get to the truth in their own time and space free from imposition.” This is what I start to learn with support from Universal Medicine.
Beautifully said Anne, I have finally let go of expectations in some relationhsips and it has been so freeing for us both.
This is the essence of life’s true mastery Alex – encapsulated in a nutshell.
Beautifully expressed Alex. The power is in expressing our truth.
And a reflection to us of where we hold expectation, demand perfectionism and another be how we need them to be. Letting go of this imposition allows love to flourish and a depth of understanding and acceptance.
The absolute freedom of deeply accepting ourselves and all others is a joy so grand, it can never be faked nor denied – for it is a steadfast reflection of the Love we all are.
Andrew I so understand how frustrating it is that your mother does not care for herself but is always caring for others, my mother is so like this too, and there is nothing much I can do about that except be a living reflection to her with my own self-caring and regard for myself. In truth, this is the only way to evolve both of us, by not imposing on another to try to ‘help’ them, but to reflect truth in every way possible.
I agree Andrew – in the future, I will be more aware of expressing why it is my loved ones lack of care hurts me to see, and acts as a reflection, rather than getting frustrated.
I love what you share here Andrew as it feels by actually being and expressing ourselves we become a true reflection for those around us and in kind allow them to feel who they are. It feels a beautiful way to be, letting go of all the need to have others act, be and do as we feel, but rather letting them be as they are. A great addition to Caroline’s already revelatory blog.
To feel who they are and to feel held in love and absolute acceptance irrespective of choices, free of judgement and with absolute equalness and brotherhood.
I can relate to the ‘still feeling frustrated’ Andrew, as I have these moments as well, or maybe more some slight irritations…..but I know that I don’t have to do anything nor want to change my mother (tried that for quite some time, does not work..). It is about being the reflection and about allowing and acccepting.
I love what Caroline has written. I have developed so much more understanding and love in my family relationships and although we don’t see each other often I am no longer taking them for granted. All of the times that we do spend together feel very precious. Due to the Love and great support from Universal Medicine I have come to understand that we are all human, we all feel the same, many struggling with the same hurts and through compassionate eyes all I feel now for my family is love instead of blame.
I agree, this is lovely Andrew and so refreshing. To see the that the things in another that make us uncomfortable are simply a reflection of ourselves. How different the world would be if we all took this on board and then expressed from that place. It could quite simply change the world!
Andrew very wise words, stepping back and allowing people to be who they are and where they are is the most loving thing we can do. When we allow this then this gives us space to naturally be where we are and then they have a true reflection to see that there is another way. Self-Love is one that took me many many years to bring into my life and nobody could tell me to do it, it has to come from the person themselves. For the record it is the best thing I have EVER done for myself.
I have taken that approach as well, Andrew. And what was very important, I stopped blaming her for how my life had become. The fact that I acknowledge I was still angry with her was a big step in making our relationship about love.