I recently reflected on my experience of relationships and how in a couple, both people can feel if there is the ‘pull’ of infidelity, and how this can act as a distraction to an otherwise beautiful relationship we might already be in. However this also made me consider the opposite – what if we encounter another person and feel there is a connection with them that is not of a sexual kind; one that is possibly a deep old connection?
Years ago, my husband met a friend (a woman) to whom he had a strong connection. This could easily have been confused with attraction, but it felt like a strong and old connection, possibly older than this life.
At the time it was not clear to me if this was a connection or an attraction, so I opened up the conversation with my husband. I voiced my concerns in full honesty, but I also felt so deeply within me that I needed to give him the space to explore this connection. Even if this meant that he would choose to be with this other woman, I knew it was not about me ‘standing in his way’ – and I said this to him: I told him I loved him deeply, but that if he felt that this was the person he wanted to be with, I would not hold it against him.
Strangely, this was not that hard for me to do, even though it hurt to feel that I might be ‘left’ by my husband. The thought of no longer being with him hurt me, but more deeply still I knew that if this was his choice I would support him and this feeling was stronger than the hurt I felt within.
Further to this, I have always had an understanding deep within that there are certain relationships or connections with people that are very important to honour and we need to allow them the space to blossom.
But what I gained a greater understanding of, is that the deep and often old and familiar connections that we may come across with another help us grow and deepen our relationship with ourselves and hence each other. We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.
I do not mean we get to sleep around, but that we can honour the fact that there is a connection and a meaning to those particular relationships outside of our husband/wife relationship – ones that allow an honesty to unfold, a sharing with no holds barred, a sharing of the love that we are.
It is not for us to hide this beauty from others and only save it for our family at home – it is about sharing this beauty that we are with all around us and honouring those particular relationships that we know have deeply established roots of trust and love.
My husband felt that the relationship with this other woman was a dear friendship. He clearly expressed this to me but also felt deeply regarded in being given the space. By my offering him space, it also allowed our trust with each other to deepen and it was a confirmation for us both about being together as a couple.
Hence, I feel it is important to encourage and allow ourselves and our partners the space to explore the connections we feel with others, always with absolute regard, whilst still holding an honesty in communication about any hurts that come up around this.
The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role. We may not always know how this will unfold but there is a divine design that is at play.
Published with the permission of my husband.
By Henrietta Chang
Further Reading:
The Simplicity of True Expression: Inspired by Serge Benhayon
Sexual Energy – What is it?
Infidelity a Distraction from our Pot of Gold
Great to read this again Henrietta and reflect on how important it is to honour people’s boundaries, to allow them the space to share their love with others without our own insecurities getting in the way, and how relationships are there for us all to grow from and learn from. Open and honest communication is always a great foundation!
Marriage is not ownership, it is the ever deepening of the love and connection between two people.
Great point Mary, there is a lot of ownership on other relationships too including in families.
Your blog confirms to me that there is more to us than meets the eye that we have many lives and so it is absolutely possible to meet someone from a previous life and that there may be un dealt issues that need closure so that both people can grow from the experience. To me reincarnation is a very beautiful deeply loving science.
We all expand when we are able to be open to every relationship and the level of trust we have is because of the absolute honesty we can live and share with each other. So transparent relationships are a great way to deepen and build upon the solid platform that we share as a couple or family as you have so Lovingly shared Henrietta.
The best gift we can give someone is to give them space and hold them in love without judgement.
This is a beautiful read, Henrietta. True love is a beholding, allowing another space without a drop of need. Love is also a grace that allows another to move on if needed.
As we deepen our connection and intimacy with ourselves we are then able to bring this to another, and then others, ‘We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.’
When I offer space to my husband there is not one drop of jealousy or comparison towards another woman. The love for self and hence for all concerned is lived.
A deeply gorgeous blog Henrietta. I relate very much to what is being offered here in my own life. Allowing the space for our partners to deepen the intimacy (non sexual) with another offers evolution but not just for our partner but within us too. It is such a glorious and loving choice to make that supports the all.
When we are possessive in a relationship it is like trying to catch a bar of soap in the bath, it can slip between your fingers. Developing trust and honesty in a relationship allows us to deepen our relationships with others.
Beautifull what you have shared here Henrietta the love for your husband is clearly felt and for yourself in that you allowed yourself to feel any hurts that were coming up. Gosh if we all had this amount of love in our relationships just think how much respect, care and honouring there would be with zero judgment, comparison and jealousy. You have set a new marker for relationships here. Also what if we all felt the connections we made with people had a purpose and gave ourself the space to feel what that purpose was … that would be amazing!
Its so important to encourage and allow ourselves and our partners the space to explore the connections they feel with others if not we are stifling and shunting their evolution.
Henrietta, this is a very beautiful testament to not only your own realithionship with your husband, but also to all those people who feel such a connection with another but dont always follow it through because of how their partner, or indeed others may react. I have alwasy felt this to be the case, but sadly it is not something that is widely accepted in our society. You are setting a new bar for us all to deepen those relationships that we feel are so strong but remain purely platonic, but also the trust and understanding we have with our partners.
This an amazing inspiration to honour connections that feel true to explore rather than getting lost in ownership and jealousy within any relationship that we are currently in. Thank you Henrietta for sharing your commitment to honouring what you felt and your willingness to give your husband the space to explore this connection without having to compromise because of fear of how you might react.
It is a huge learning to give each other space, and a very beautiful, though not commonly thought of, expression of love.
We can be a bit possessive of others, not just husband/wife relationships, but friendships and family relationships too. It struck me reading that each relationship is a constellation to deepen love and other qualities, and then the natural expansion of what’s developed between two is then taken out to all. Possessively restricting that movement of our loved one to be in relationship with others is against this natural flow of developing each other in brotherhood.
Yes this can play out in many situations including work where a particular constellation may offer opportunities for expansion but we can be held back by others or not wanting to ‘rock the boat’ as it is our livelihood on the line if it does not work out.
A beautiful beholding love Henrietta, to hold that space without resentment or judgment allowing you husband to explore further what was being offered, and the outcome was that your love together depended greatly, so gorgeous and amazing is this beholding love of God towards all mankind.
Every relationship is our gateway to evolution. There is no better or more important relationship. Everything that is on offer for us, is perfectly designed to support us to grow and deepen our multidimensionality. The moment you believe there are more important relationships than others you are trapped in measurement.
What if we get confused in regard to what a connection to a certain person means, because we actually don‘t want to deepen in the ones we are already in?
Deepening the relationship means deepening our universality, which asks us to let go of individuality. Obviously something we deeply avoid as humanity.
What a great conversation to have with your husband. Many times these connections with people can get confusing if there is not the space to explore them and to see the potential as something bigger than our own needs and wants.
That is quiet a very encouraging thing to do Henrietta, as I can imagine if I were you that it takes a whole other depth of surrendering to you and letting go of possible hurts that arisen. And nothing is more greater than to actually breath, let others be – in full regard to you and your relationship of course. As truth is always in respect of both.
We deepen our relationship with each other when we share honestly what we are observing and feeling.
Well said Mary, We only stunt our evolution if we holdback or try to control and manipulate in any way shape or form.
This takes a lot of knowing of ourselves and trusting what we feel to not go into anything but to trust a feeling within and then to open up and allow other space without putting our needs and wants onto them.
Wow, that is not something I had considered but I could feel what you have shared here is important to consider. I have felt there are relationships in my life that are beyond this life, they are deep and illogically intimate in a way that is not related to the time we have known each other. I know these are friendships and they are with both genders – that has never been a consideration for me. Yet I can see that I had not considered this with my husband, and having a conversation about it would allow a deeper understanding of the connection we have as well.
“The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role. We may not always know how this will unfold but there is a divine design that is at play.” – This is such a wonderfully honouring message and this blog really helped me to not hold back expressing how important it is for me to explore other (non-physical) intimate relationships when it feels like there is much to learn and evolve through these interactions. Thank you for such a great example of how to truly support each other in relationships Henrietta.
Any connection outside of having a full commitment to true love with your partner is a confirmation of the depth of love you share with your partner ❤️
A deeply beautiful honouring of the truth and evolution that is on offer through every relationship we share with another. In being open to explore this through our connection, we open ourselves up to learning, healing and being inspired to live the greater love we are all here live together.
‘The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role. We may not always know how this will unfold but there is a divine design that is at play.’ True Henrietta and I appreciate you sharing your experience and it shows the depth of love that you hold for yourself and hold all others in equally.
We do not always know why we have a strong connection with another, this was a beautiful example of trust and true love that you have with your husband, ‘The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role.’ Surrendering to the bigger plan.
This shows Henrietta what a beautiful open, loving and caring relationship you have, how awesome you were able to express everything and therefore evolution happened for all.
Understanding that our partners have relationships with others (not sexual) that also need the opportunity to deepen and expand is huge. We think often that we are to be all things at all times for our partners, but how could this ever be? Yes we have much to learn about ourselves and each other in relationship. But it was never to be about learning it all from one relationship. I remember when I first met my partner, he has some very close friendships with women and still does. Its been a wonderful learning for me that we are meant to have all sorts of relationships with others, for that in itself supports all other relationships.
Thank you Henrietta, it’s very true that an honesty in communication is vital for a loving relationship. We need that full transparency with each other. There is a richness in both genders that can open up our growth as human beings if we can let go of preconceived notions of how male/female relationships can be. I’ve also recently been unpacking this to allow my relationships with men to flow and develop, not as a woman with a man, but more two equal beings.
Henrietta, what is so amazing about this post is that it shows that the true success of your relationship is from the space you allowed for reflective observation to be present, because of the already deep trust and surrender within you. This the basis of true relationship and worth being in.
“Deep and familiar connections” something we all have as everyone will have experienced when we meet someone whom we find easy to be around and simple to chat with.
When you consider that every relationship we have has a purpose it brings in another dimension of the divine design and plan. Constellations in life are not random and when we say yes to them they can offer expansion for All.
Beautiful sharing Henrietta. So often ‘ownership’ can sneak into relationships. As you so truthfully share, “We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.” Intimacy is often associated with a sexual experience and yet it can simply be a loving transparency and deep connection we share with another.
The word intimacy these days has a real sexual connotation to it but the reality we can have intimacy with anyone of any age for it is about us feeling so familiar and closely connected to someone we can care and share ourselves in true appreciation and grow each other equally.
“By my offering him space, it also allowed our trust with each other to deepen and it was a confirmation for us both about being together as a couple.” This feels amazing and heart-warming – to have such openess and trust with each other. Thankyou for sharing Henrietta.
It is important to bring the connection back to purpose – when we have a purpose – then it makes sense for there to be an evolving relationship. And what I appreciate about this sharing is that sometimes we can confuse a deep connection with an attraction – but is that because we have so little deep connections that we can only compare it to attraction when we see it?
Love is offering the space for more love to come.
How beautiful would it be if we could just bring all of our true selves to everyone that we meet in the way that young children do, totally unencumbered and with a natural curiosity to get to know you. They are just there, making a connection from their gorgeous sweetness and openness, not needing to hide or be a certain way. When we can be with someone and not bring anything except the love we are, the relationship you speak of here, is simply natural.
Henrietta, this is really interesting; ‘We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.’ I can feel that it is usual in society that we reserve the intimate and close relationships with our own families and that often this depth and intimacy does not extend beyond this.
‘The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role.’ We deny this if we feel we are not able to explore them because of fear of jealousy within our relationship. The knowing that you had and the space that you offered your husband is inspirational and something we can all learn from that it is only when we are willing to release another from any pictures of how relationships should be that we are given the grace to explore purposeful connections and their role in our lives.
Thank you Henrietta, I feel it is important in any relationships to have the space to raise any issues that might come up and feel ok about it, for there is no better way to build intimacy when we are transparent and honest with one another.
There is a real beauty in allowing both people in a relationship to be and express themselves in full. There is no need to be with each other when we are allowed to do this, just simply a deep knowing and pull to want to share all the love you are with the other in full knowing that in doing so you are also not holding it back from anyone else either. When we need another we are limiting our love to just them and this is not true love.
I love the transparency here with regards to openly having a conversation of this nature – most couples would avoid this subject, even though we all meet people who we feel a deep connection to, and yes sometimes this deep connection can be mistaken for attraction. So more reason to openly discuss.
It hasn’t been until recently that I have been exposed in the beliefs I have held around having connections with other men outside of the relationship with my partner. The fear and threatening pictures of jealousy and drama rising within me have been very strong, considering I didn’t even think they were a part of my life! I totally agree that all our relationships in life are there to learn and grow from and having transparency and an open communication between each other is vital for love to be in any relationship.
I love what you have expressed here. “We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.” And that “It is not for us to hide this beauty from others and only save it for our family at home – it is about sharing this beauty that we are with all around us and honouring those particular relationships that we know have deeply established roots of trust and love.”
But also how delightful that your husband had the space to share with you about her deep friendship with his old female friend, and enriching for everyone. How often do we think we need to hide aspects of our life because of worrying about the response of those we care about, when this is not necessary and if we are open and committed to transparency, love and evolving for everyone as is reflected here.
I love what you share Henrietta, you have so much wisdom and understanding to share, especially on relationships. We are all one family and have been together over many many lives and in honouring these old connections we bring honour to us and the whole human family.
So true that a friendship with a man should be no different to a friendship with a woman, and that it actually doesn’t make sense to limit who we connect with and talk to when we have a partner and act any different with half of the population.
We can so easily fall into thinking that we are only allowed to be ‘close’ to some people and not others. This totally flies in the face of the facts that we are naturally made to equally relate to each other. More than that, as you beautifully say Henrietta, we may have known someone many lives before. It’s a shame when we cut this off just based on societal ideals and what we think is proper. When we act this way it is us who are unfaithful – to our heart.
“I have always had an understanding deep within that there are certain relationships or connections with people that are very important to honour and we need to allow them the space to blossom”. These are very wise words, as relationships are one of the most important ways that we can grow as people. If we weren’t so focussed on what we might lose (ie our partner leaving us for another) we would see that by them having a deep connection with another person, our relationship can also benefit and grow. If we stifle a connection because it might ruffle feathers or because it’s not the done thing, we miss out on this opportunity.
Henrietta, it is beautiful to read how open and allowing you are with your husband, this is pretty unheard of for me and it feels like this allows your relationship to be based on love and not need, I have observed that so often couples stay together because of being too scared to seperate, holding onto beliefs that they must stay together for whatever reason, and so it feels very freeing to read this and be inspired by the love and allowing and honesty that you have in your relationship.
I agree. It is amazing to simply let ourselves feel the natural draw and intimacy we have with people – the sweetness and openness in a first meeting when there is no guard or holding back.
This is a confirmation and celebration of the sweetness, intimacy, respect and evolution we can have in our relationships when we are honest, communicative and fearless with one another.
‘The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role’ This reminds me that deepening our relationships with ourselves and honouring this. allows us to be more present for others and honour them also, not getting too serious but staying light and playful without losing our connection.
I agree Willem, Henrietta’s willingness to allow whatever needs to unfold in her relationship is simply stunning. I have held a view for most of my life that it is impossible to be friends with a single man whether I am in a relationship or not. This belief has been very harmful and leads to me rejecting men when there is simply a beautiful connection presenting for us both.
I spent most of this life oblivious to the fact that a relationship like the one you describe between you , your husband and your husband’s female friend was even possible. I am now absolutely blessed to know many couples that live with the level of love, openness and integrity you describe and it has inspired me greatly.
This is very enlightening Henrietta, and changes the way I will look at relationships in the future!
“My husband felt that the relationship with this other woman was a dear friendship. He clearly expressed this to me but also felt deeply regarded in being given the space. By my offering him space, it also allowed our trust with each other to deepen and it was a confirmation for us both about being together as a couple.” How beautiful and how refreshing this is Henrietta, to be willing to give your partner the space to explore such a friendship. I wonder how many potential true and deep relationships are unrequited as a result of a partners fears or anxieties that such a relationship may be a threat, rather than simply a truly loving and full friendship.
This reminds again that so often we attempt to take ownership of people we are in relationships in, rather than allowing life to unfold. It is stifling and inhibiting and does not allow the relationship to flourish. I have been married for some years and I can feel that yes I have a husband but I can not and do not want to control what is there is to unfold for either of us, I remain committed but most definitely open to to what there is for us both to learn as a couple and as an individuals.
The fact that you openly explored this with your husband Henrietta, speaks so loudly of the depth of love you hold yourself in, which of course you couldn’t help but extend to this situation. Very beautiful!
Reading this Henrietta has allowed me to appreciate more deeply the relationships I have felt to be strong with others, men and women. But I have recognised the shadow of that ‘social taboo’ that stops us really going there with our relationships with men, maybe for fear of it being misread, but more definitely from the ideas I’ve held about what marriage looks like and what is and is not, acceptable. The space you offered your husband has been offered to us also.
How loving that you were able to give your husband the space to explore whatever is coming up. And how we can love multiple people – we can be open with everyone but of course we have a single partner who we are intimate with. And as is shared here, there is never a random connection which is so cool to understand. Connections always carry a purpose.
I’ve recently been experiencing this as I have recently met someone at work who wants to be friends. Nothing dramatic or sinister about being friends right? but in my mind there’s been this panic that I can’t have any male friends if I have a boyfriend, which sounds really silly but none the less I have bought into this belief at some point. What this has got me wondering is what is the potential in being open with more than just one other person? What I love about reading this blog is that open communication with your husband to share what your feelings and I know when I do the same it cuts all the hiding games and secret keeping and crazy thoughts that cloud all relationships.
“The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role.” this is so true thank you Henrietta, The connections I have at work, people I meet on the street all those interactions during the day are what makes life so magical.
Thank you Henrietta. A beautiful sharing of trust and commitment to true relationships.
Henrietta this is a great topic, building trust in relationships and accepting our partner having friendships with the opposite gender. There can be so many unwritten rules that are simply not necessary. It’s also a good point to allow people to make their own choices and to respect the fact that the love we can hold another in is always greater than any hurts that come up.
Henrietta I thank you for a topic we don’t often discuss. I would say that I agree there are some relationships that come from the past that are important for our learning in this lifetime. I would say trust plays a big part in this also.
Pretty Awesome Henrietta. I can imagine this notion would not sit well for many couples. What I love about it is the fact that if we can be at peace with the flow of life and how it chops and changes all the time, then we don’t set up ourselves up to be hurt by others all the time. When we can accept that it’s ok to experience deep connections with people other than our partners, then we get a chance to go even deeper with the person we’ve chosen to be with, because we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and open rather than protected and closed off.
Beautiful Henrietta, very inspirational to see how you allowed yourself to surrender and trust when we are feeling to do something that is love even though our mind is protesting and saying that we loose the battle in the fields (“so the speak”). Amazing example of how true love works. It leaves everyone free to choose and is absolutely coming with understanding, which is so needed. Thank you again for sharing the absolute way!
This blog has made me realise how many potentially amazing relationships have been sabotaged because of inability for one person or both in the relationship to not go there and deal with there issues and really appreciate what they have already got.
It is interesting that these old and deep connections may get passed over purely because we mistake them for attraction. If we are in a relationship, these feeling may become uncomfortable. Or if we feel that way about someone else who is in a relationship. I love this blog because it takes away all that mislabelling.
There was no jealousy here! No comparison. You were honest with how you felt and expressed this with your husband. You moved your feelings out of the way even though you could have easily felt hurt and made it about Love first, this is awesome. The result …. your connection, intimacy and relationship deepened. This is a lesson for us all ✨
Wow what an amazing relationship you have with your husband – so honest and by today’s standards, unusual. You can’t imagine the average couple having the type of conversation you two had. I’ve often felt a deep and old connection with people, with both men and women – and allowing myself space to appreciate that fact is awesome.
Gosh we can get so twisted with what the true meaning of love is. We think it is to always be loyal, be faithful and be ticking all the social boxes in what ever way that means in a relationship. It is not that at all and in fact giving someone the space, understanding, time and care do make their own choices is exactly what love is all about. This is where true friendship and equality can be found in any relationship.
Allowing another to take responsibility for the choices they make in the knowing that we don’t own another no matter what your relationship is with them.
There is such power and beauty in intimate relationships where there is a deep connection, it is almost a crime to have that tainted by a partner’s jealousy or insecurities – how gorgeous that you offered him the space to honour the connection he had with another in absolute trust. This is how it should be when we don’t allow our hurts to get in the way.
A beautiful sharing Henrietta, thank you for sharing your experiences and your wisdom. It is indeed a blessing, for both people, to allow, understand and appreciate the choices of another.
Communication and transparency are vital in relationships as you have so beautifully expressed Henrietta.
This is a great example of where the two people in a relationship, in this case a marriage, do not try to own or control each other, yet simply are very honest with each other and create a situation where anything can be discussed rather than hidden or put into the ‘don’t go there’ category. I love how your commitment to each other has only been strengthened by both of you being willing to go there, in full, totally open and ready to deal with anything that comes from it too.
I love how you didn’t try to control him, and because of the freedom you allowed, you were honoured and respected by your husband. He had already chosen you, and your awesome self awareness, and lack of seething jealousy allowed him to confirm that choice- YOU.
It’s possible to have a deep connection with anybody, but this doesn’t mean that it is always something that can become an affair or a relationship. A connection can be in a moment and feel very beautiful for that moment…and that’s it.
Henrietta, this is an inspiring example of what a true relationship is, making our relationship and our life one of evolution.
There is such deep respect and regard held here for each other that allows a spaciousness to emerge which ultimately holds everyone. Simply and powerfully beautiful Henrietta.
Beautiful Henrietta, your blog shows the love that is there in a true relationship, seeing that all have a purpose, not standing in the way is evolving for us all.
Your honesty stands out Henrietta – absolute honesty in relationships is a real game changer.
Yes, that exclusivity that we go on with in relationships, smacks of need and investment in the other. Understanding what true intimacy truly means and how we can actually have it with a member of the opposite sex even if we are in an intimate relationship, totally brings it back to our own love and the absolute responsibility we must hold with every relationship we have, to keep coming back to our love and be that love in motion, so that no imposter can enter and try to run us.
Understanding that the deep connection we can feel to those people that we meet in our lives can be for a number of different reasons means that we do not always have to feel that it is because they should be in a relationship in that way. It is possibly that too comes out of a held belief that a relationship of this kind results from this feeling.
It can be somewhat scary when we support our partner to acknowledge feelings for another, as you share Henrietta, and for all the reasons you also share, however, by in so doing, so much is gained. Not only “By my offering him space, it also allowed our trust with each other to deepen and it was a confirmation for us both about being together as a couple” it also deepens our ability to be inclusive in our love for everyone.
“The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role. We may not always know how this will unfold but there is a divine design that is at play.” I completely agree, there is a divine design at play.
This is very refreshing Henrietta and includes the True meaning of the word Love. Giving each other Space is so important. In my experience I know that I have grown so much by others holding me in Love and giving me the Space to grow and develop at the pace I’m ready for.
Great blog Henrietta we have to trust ourselves and each other as we make deeper connections with people and as we do our own relationship grows at the same time.
Wow just how much we slash and burn, cut and corden ourselves off from other people, where affection and connection may be ‘misinterpreted’. As soon as there is the slightest hint or whiff of things being awkward or intimate in some way our habit seems to be to withdraw. But what if we brought more delicacy, more understanding, and vulnerability to the table, and used these moments to deepen our relationships instead of pulling them apart? Perhaps then we would see as you say Henrietta, that these doubts and ‘issues’ first come in because of the power that is there when we live together from our hearts.
This is so inspiring Henrietta. When we are able to let go of our need for another in any relationship we may have, it opens the way for amazing and unexpected things to happen. By getting lost in a relationship and being totally dependant on another only leads to disappointment and loss if it does not turn out how you had hoped it would.
I love this Henrietta – to feel that life is not a hit and miss affair, but there is always a purpose in constellations throughout our life that bring connections and opportunities to evolve.
“The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role. We may not always know how this will unfold but there is a divine design that is at play.”
In relationships there is a definite push to ‘need’ the other person and hence the attachment to them being in our lives and the potential fear that they could leave for another person. But this is never a true relationship. I know for a fact that the truest relationship and the most love-filled and amazing comes from the openness to not needing the other in your life but choosing to be with them in full to share all of you with them.
I just came back to read this Henrietta, what an honesty you bring here and a trust not only in your husband but with yourself. To acknowledge there are relationships that come into our lives that can be for many reasons, that each has a reason and an opportunity to explore. Very inspiring, thank you.
When we hold evolution as our true purpose in this life, we are open to understanding that nothing is random and everything is designed to call us to return to Love, to return to our connection to Soul. It is only us that place obstacles of resistance in the way of releasing all that we are, for we are already absolute Love and we are simply returning to unite with our Soul.
This is such is beautiful honoring of how in truth we are all connected and all have something to learn, heal the unresolved, be inspired by and essentially explore Love with whoever comes into our lives. The gift of Love that awaits to be opened lies in the heart of each and every one of us offering us all an opportunity to deepen our connection to the Love we are.
Thank you, Henrietta. As we are constantly evolving, it makes sense that there will always be constellations in relationship to offer us the next level of awareness. And it is important as well, to honour the process of deepening the love that we share with another, when we commit to a long term relationship. There is so much for us to learn from each other every day.
Honesty is one of the most beautiful and fundamental foundation stones in our relationships and I know that true honesty can only develop as I let myself be really honest in my relationship with me.
Yes, there is something fundamental in that. If we can be honest about why we are in a relationship then it offers a freedom to the people we are in relationship with because we are not asking them or expecting them to ‘fix’ us in any way. It is a mutual respect.
Once in a relationship we have huge potential to evolve, and grow and deal with our hurts, yet for many of us this is to challenging so we sabotage true relationship and connection, yet in doing so we are hurting ourselves in ways we can not comprehend.
This is incredbly beautiful and so liberating what you chose to explore with your husband. I am so impressed by the integrity of what you said even when there was much at ‘stake’, you didn’t try to own him or keep him. In that freedom you got to see how he is able to walk as a friend with many others, and retain his true commitment as a partner with you, and to do this with true freedom rather than duty is very honourable.
Feeling like a partner is seeking something outside of a relationship can be hugely confronting. It may not be physical intimacy it may be emotional intimacy, We are very sensitive to changes and it is tempting to override the way our partner is behaving so as not to upset the apple cart but eventually it leads to rotting apples and a bigger mess to clean up.
Such transparency Henrietta, we are made to connect with people so it stands to reason that this type of situation will come up for many, it is the strength of the communication with your partner that stood out, such communication is so healing and so supportive for you both and there is a great sharing and learning in there for everyone to be so open and honest.
When we love ourselves and take care of our own needs, we have so much love to share with others that flows naturally and without any expectations of anything being returned. I love to take good care of me, which cuts out this old neediness I lived with before. Not looking to others to fill our needs, creates a new space for truly connecting with others.
The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role. We may not always know how this will unfold but there is a divine design that is at play. Love the truth you share here Henrietta.
What you have shared here Henrietta is a true offering of love. That love is never exclusive it can only be inclusive of everyone and of the all. When this is offered in our partnerships than we break down the ideals of what family is and discover the vastness of intimacy and connection that is available to us all.
Thank you Henrietta for such an honest sharing, you have highlighted the importance of communication in relationships where we create space to share and talk about anything that we are experiencing without any judgement from the other person. It is this level of transparency in our relationships that creates true intimacy and love as we can let go more of the protection we carry in our bodies and be more of who we truly are with another.
We are always in a relationship, be it with self, or someone we meet on the bus, our partner, people at a course, the world is about relationships. Relationships for me start with self, do I appreciate myself, am I able to be intimate with myself and love myself, without this as a foundation how can I share it with all other relationships.
“The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role. We may not always know how this will unfold but there is a divine design that is at play.” – Once we understand this, we can stop fighting what we fight and surrender to what is being offered. Recently I found myself resisting what was offered and I ended up feeling frustrated and hurt by the interaction. After I realised I had ‘left myself’ a bit, and connected to what was truly being shown, and remembering that everything is energy and nothing happens by chance, I was much more able to view the situation from that angle and start to move into acceptance of that which I cannot change.
Intimacy and sexual attraction has often been misconstrued as being the one and the same thing. Learning that we can hold everyone equally without guilt or favour and express that same love, with no sexual connotation or hooks , has been an amazing revelation and freedom, and has only expanded my own relationship.
The honesty and openness of your relationship has such a strength to it. It would be such a shame if we couldn’t connect to those who we have connections with as there is always so much to learn.
You raise some really good points here, Henrietta. So often what is seen as infidelity then becomes an indictment of the person who experiences a truly loving relationship with another. It doesn’t have to be this way.
Henrietta my perception of what a relationship was in the past is very different to today, I used to think that just because you said you were “with someone” you were in a relationship. But none of that asked me or the other person to hold each other with love, to be a certain quality etc.. What I find interesting about your blog is the point of “deep connection” this is something that can be there with everyone, yet something most of us, myself included, actually avoid. Over recent years and with a different understanding of relationships I have come to appreciate that infidelity occurs first when you are not working on and being in a true relationship, not the point you sleep with another. Furthermore that it can only be possible to be in a true relationship with your wife/husband etc. if you are also in true relationships with everyone else.
This is so beautiful to read and so inspiring. So often our ideas about love are beset by need. Supporting those we love to be love with others is rarely lived as jealousy and insecurity often kick in. A beautiful reminder we cannot own love, we are love and in relationships this may take different expressions.
It seems to me that the most important thing here was your willingness to communicate your feelings to your partner and to express yourself in truth and not hold back. You also gave yourself the space to open up to the possible consequences of your actions and love and support yourself in the awareness of this. It feels like you were honouring yourself and your partner and your relationship. I have been in more than one relationship in the past where it was our lack of communication and true expression that caused the relationship to crumble. Thank you for this reminder because this is true of all relationships not just that of our partners.
To have been ok with your husband’s choice should he have chosen to be with another woman, ‘leaving you’ (alone) takes an enormous amount of love Henrietta and as the saying goes “if you love someone set them free” , which, and having had this experience myself before means freely allowing the person their rightful evolving in relationship whatever learning is being needed/called for, that at times may not even be known until later on….When this experience happened to me, i recall initially feeling the emotion of resentment, sadness and confusion, though over time with understanding felt the person teaching and showing me in his choice, the most absolute and gracious love in ‘setting me free’, holding zero attachment to personal need or past nostalgia for ‘what was’. It was from this man, I experienced (the need for) evolution in my own independent love, along with the strength of what divine love was and the bigger plan this type of love is part of.
“We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others. I do not mean we get to sleep around, but that we can honour the fact that there is a connection and a meaning to those particular relationships outside of our husband/wife relationship” – this is very true Henrietta when the connection to life and it being more than, or older than, this current life alone is considered. In the past i would have felt strong connections with certain men in my life in a professional and personal capacity, and not honoured them because of the relationship the person had within their own relationship/partnership or marriage and would not want to present any awkwardness by sharing what i felt about them/us, holding back in expressing this. Today it’s a different story because when the dynamics of ‘deep connection meaning immediate partnership with a person’ is put aside, and instead the remembrance of pure joy in having that old connection, there’s a space to freely honour ‘what once was’, and respect ‘what currently is’. It’s gorgeous and amazing when this happens.
Ultimately – if something is not right in a relationship it’s our responsibility to look at ourselves and what we are contributing first…. as soon as we take responsibility the answer to all our problems is there.
I love how your first connection is to the Divine design and second is your interpretation in form. Most of us go to form first, judge and then forget that there is a bigger plan at play.
Relationships are not about ownership expectation or need although I carried these into my relationship initially- maybe there are still fragments of these things still sitting there as it does come up for me from time to time. I am feeling that we are there to support each other to evolve as much as possible and this is about allowing others in and conversely allowing our expression of our love and connection out to the world. I appreciate what you have shared here Henrietta-it is very healing for all our relationships
Part of our issue in all relationships is that we do not enter relationships from the deep understanding that we are already complete. And in that incompleteness, need is born, and from that need, the complications that follow.
Feeling we are whole in ourself, we are full of love and have no need of another is important, along with truthful communication and understanding.
Most women, who encounter the appearance of ‘another woman’ in their relationship with their partner, would not reflect deeply like you have about the quality of this rekindled relationship and how it could support the development and evolution of their spouse. I so appreciate what you have opened up here Henrietta and just by doing so you have created an opportunity for others to also open to this level of truly loving another. Thank you.
The saying, ‘love knows no bounds’ is present all the way through this sharing of yours Henrietta. It is a foundation for all relationships to be open to what is presented because everything is an opportunity to deepen our love for ourselves and each other.
You bring to light Henrietta the power of true relationship when it is about supporting another to be all of who they are – having their growth and development equal to your own – minus as much as possible, the emotional needs that often plague relationships. This is such an enlightened way to be in relationship. A huge reflection of your understanding of the bigger picture we are all engaged in as we travel through life with others.
Henrietta I always thought you could only love your partner and not anyone else, in fact I could not really consider that you could have a connection with another without that person being the one you should be with. It was an exclusive one-to-one relationship and if you felt connection it meant you should be sleeping with them! Yet this put a huge amount of pressure on myself and all my relationships. When I came to start understanding that love is something you are and a beholding energy with everyone it challenged everything in me. Yet its now allowed me to also open up to a deep connection with many more people, not being held back and no longer missing out on the amazing connections with so many people worldwide.
We really can make hard work out of relationships when we are caught in emotion through a need or investment. You show us here Henrietta, when you stay true to who you are and can feel what is truly needed for another/others, you are choosing to see the bigger picture. This is what true service is all about. Thank-you.
The connection and relationship that you have with your husband is obviously strong enough to hold or deal with anything that comes your way. It’s the communication and understanding that is key.
I have had an experience of a strong bond with a woman which was purely platonic and yet very powerful and witnessed others close to me act in a strange way towards it, as if there was something not right about it. I knew it was an old connection re-found, yet did get affected by how others reacted, albeit very subtle. I take full responsibility for not holding true to what I felt and caving a little and allowing that relationship to pass by unexplored.
This is so true Simon that we can let ourselves be affected by how others perceive us – a judgment we feel or a criticism that might come our way…
Today I have many friends that are very dear to me, and I know that some people would find it strange to know the depth of connection that I have with them. It is the intimacy (not physical though!) that i hold with them that is potentially confronting I feel, and perhaps also exposes how we tend to hold people at a distance most of the time.
But when we feel a connection with another that is age old, it is then the most beautiful and natural thing to honour this, of course with all due respect for self, the other and your current spouse/partner.
This is beautiful and what it is offering every single one of us is the opportunity to connect deeper with everyone that we meet without having conditions on the other person or ourselves. Just simply being and sharing connections. Anything else is asking us to not be who we are and with share determination we create issues, drama’s and conflict when it is not needed. Open communication is the key message that I got from this which we can take to every relationship.
It’s interesting to feel the many beliefs and ideals about friends who are of the opposite sex. Any time I have any hurt or concern come up about my husband being in a friendship or relationship with another woman it leads me to ponder on two things. Would I feel the same if it was another man and what is the energetic quality of the relationship? Often there are needs laced in the friendship, whether it be a man and a women or two men or two women, this is something we are all working through not engaging in. If I observe a need I just sit back and observe and either let them work it out or express something (not from my own hurt, reaction, fear or needs to own him) to discuss it with my husband. Often my husband will appreciate the greater awareness and I’ve also learnt from experience that often saying nothing is allowing a disrespect towards myself.
“We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.” If we could all live in this way everyones live become enriched. Thank you Henrietta.
Thank you for your sharing Henrietta, on how being honest and open can support others in realising their own truth hence bringing our relationships back to true purpose, that of evolution. I am beginning to delve into the realms of honesty and being more open myself, and opening up where once I had held back, and this is deepening my intimacy with others, which of course starts with the intimacy I have with myself and my relationship with me. Sometimes I find it a little challenging, but I know that this is the only way to heal and the only way to truly move forward in life, and as my life includes everyone around me then this benefits all of us.
“It is not for us to hide this beauty from others and only save it for our family at home – it is about sharing this beauty that we are with all around us and honouring those particular relationships that we know have deeply established roots of trust and love.” All too often we get caught up in our own immediate families and relationships and become super protective of those people in our lives, dismissing the fact that there are potentially hundreds of other people that we could have similar realtionships with without them needing to be anything more than that. But it is our own need for protection that prevents us from being this with so many other people, along with the jealousy and hurts that we all hold onto. So unnecessary and so many missing out on sharing with each other in full, and developing beautiful, meaningful and purposeful relationships.
To feel comfortable and full of self-love, a true sense of self, with a knowing we are ok with or without our partner in our lives, offering them the space to explore a connection with another with absolute regard, honesty and open communication between both parties offers a deepening of our relationship with self and others.
Spot on Margaret. The key is to realise that we are whole without another in the sense that we all carry the wholeness within. But at the same time we also need to realise that we are so connected, that every choice we make and every breath we take affects another and hence we are actually all together as a whole. And thus the love we hold for another cannot be grander or lesser than the love we hold for ourselves, for our son, daughter, mother father, friend, partner, husband etc etc. From here it is clear then to hold that openness in all relationships and allow ourselves to learn and grow endlessly.
This is extremely beautiful to read and feel. The openness to have such trust and deep deep holding and understanding of each other is what a true relationship is all about. Regardless of the nature of the physical results, the underlying foundation of truth and love is the most important factor.
It feels like often many men and women dismiss connections they may feel with another sex as this may cause ruptures with their relationship with their partner. In this regard maybe we miss a trick in that life is about connections and if we limit who we allow into our world for reasons of jealousy or mistrust are we living less of a life than we are meant to. Communication and expression are key ways to negate the jealousy and allow all our relationships to develop to their fullest potential.
I have talked often in my relationship honestly about things that have come up, I can feel that this has supported our relationship. Without honesty how can we be intimate or understand one another. Lots more to learn and places to go, but that honesty is the foundation of our relationship and evolution together. (With permission from my husband.)
We can meet some and feel and ‘old’ connection and there is a purpose in it, something to reflect and learn from. I have felt this in my path and sometimes I have felt attracted and felt the cloud of lust come over rather than feeling the quality of what is being shared. Being clear about the fact that we can be intimate and connected to men and women without sex being the objective is liberating and enables us to explore the quality in our relationships. If the dizziness of lust comes up for me I know that I am now not allowing myself to go deeper and feel what is being reflected. Feeling a natural attraction and wanting to connect with some one, does not need to feel compulsive, drug like and absorbed. True connection and intimacy supports clarity, wisdom and evolution.
Expressing openly with each other in full honesty is the end of relationship issues.
This article continues to support and inspire me as I come across some old patterns in me at the outset of a new relationship. My willingness to see through any hurts allows for a connection and surrender that is remarkable and life changing.
It is beautiful Henrietta that you truly expressed and listened in openness about this connection your husband had with another woman. Being open about everything and not holding back expression is what truly grows and deepens a relationship. Any occasion when the tiniest expression has been held back is poison festering and never is it worthwhile. Anything that can be brought forth into the open and into the light of the matter, can be dealt with, no matter what the outcome is, it is transparent and accountable.
Relationships abound around us. The moment we are in a room with someone else, then we are in a relationship with them. We could essentially say that the whole world is one very large room and so essentially we are in relationship with everyone else in the world. But for the sake of simplicity, let’s stick with the small room and the other person in the room. We are in relationship with someone all of the time – even when the other person leaves the room this does not mean that your relationship ceases to exist. Being in relationship with someone else is all about how you are with yourself and how you express this with another. How much you can bring in appreciation about yourself to the relationship will also determine how much you can bring in appreciation to the other. And the love and patience that you hold for yourself is what you will also bring to another. So relationships with others are really there are reflections to us about how we are with ourselves and the things that we need to work on. Our greatest growth comes from being with others and learning about ourselves all of the time. The openness to this process is our greatest opportunity for change and growth.
Henrietta there is a beautiful honesty in your sharing and an absolute honouring and allowing for your partner. It allows space for friendships to develop and an expansion for all.
My life has always had a foundational principle that if someone was in a relationship then they had made a choice so I could only be a friend with them. If they had left a partner while still in a relation ship then they were probably likely to do this again, which they usually did! Partner jumping! My view about relationships has always been that if we cannot make it work in this life time then we will need to settle the issues we have with the other person some time in the future. So I work on being open to true expression with intimacy and love in all my relationships so we can all evolve together! Intimacy and love being the true expansive version, which have nothing to do with emotions or sex!
This is such a beautiful and very powerful sharing on true relationships. It is true that we don’t own another and allowing the space for intimacy in all of our relationships without the fear and guarding from being hurt frees us from our hurts.
The irony is if we try to concentrate our love for only one person and if this means denying ourselves of connection with other people, then we actually limit the depth of love we can have with the one person we are trying to love the most! By remaining open to connection with others around us, we deepen our connection and our knowing of ourselves which can only support the health and growth of all our relationships including our most intimate ones with our ‘nearest and dearest.’
Spot on Andrew, We cannot keep our love for just one person as it does limit us on all levels. Love is and so love cannot stop being when we are with another or many others.
I find the level of surrender to what may unfold inspiring here and gorgeous to feel how it deepens your relationship with you and your husband.
We are so used to exploring intimacy from the viewpoint of sex, that when we are confronted with the possibility of being intimate with another, all too often that is where our thoughts first turn.
“We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.” This is so far from what we are brought up to believe about having intimate realtionships with other people. How different our relationships would be if we allowed true intimacy and openess with everyone we meet.
The wisdom you share here is so far removed from the messages I have received about fidelity within relationships. I can see that your openness allows for a deeper connection with your partner.
This blog completely nukes our prevailing attitudes towards close friendships with the opposite sex when we’re married. It’s inspiring to read of a couple who can have such honesty, integrity and truth about what for most would bring up jealousy, comparison, guilt, awkwardness and a whole lot besides.
We are the ones who complicate and try to box in love, into a certain situation or relationship, and dictate the kinds of love we can have with others according to who they are. Love only knows how to be itself, and is very wise in its delivery of presence. Who are we to stand in its way with ideals and beliefs that are only from the mind, which cannot feel love at all.
I love reading this blog and what jumps out is sharing the Love that we are equally with all those around us – not holding it special for the close ones in our lives. This love is too powerful and strong to narrow it down to just a few. Allowing the spaciousness for others is allowing space for Love to expand and grow.
‘The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role. We may not always know how this will unfold but there is a divine design that is at play.’ Allowing ourselves to explore connections is an important aspect of our unfolding life, so this is an important topic to open for discussion. Your honesty within your relationship and your willingness to share this with us all is lighting the way to expand and deepen our relationships.
” We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.”-
This is very reassuring to read and it feels to be true. However, jeolousy is something that can sneak in and disrupt a beautiful friendship because of it. Henrietta – how wonderful that you had trust, understanding and open communication with your partner ,which stopped jealousy from getting in.
Jealousy is poisonous in any relationship, whether it be family, friendship or partners. As soon as jealousy takes centre stage with a situation we are actually saying, ‘I don’t trust you’. This blog is a gorgeous example of not letting a relationship be poisoned by jealousy and to remain open to the Love that is on offer through every encounter we have. The more we communicate and trust, the less room there is for jealousy to come in.
With honesty, openness and communication by our side a relationship can flourish in any situation. Oh, and of course, understanding too – I feel the reason your husband felt so held by you Henrietta is because you took the time to see beyond any hurt that may have caused a reaction, to see the truth of the relationship with the other woman and what was on offer for not only your husband but yourself too.
Yes, when we see through any hurts, there is clear view that is supportive and inspiring for anyone involved.
Oh this is so beautiful Henrietta – “We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.” To keep this in mind and act accordingly will make an immense difference in all our relationships .
Its very important to honour the connections we feel with other, respectfully so.
This is truly inspiring Henrietta, the love and openness you live are gorgeous.
How often these expressions of unconditional love remain unnoticed and unappreciated by others? But being unconditional no acknowledgement is needed. Appreciation of myself for being part of such a great love leads to more expression of the same.
In this physical word I seem to be an individual with some intimate relationship and close friends, but in fact I can feel there is more than that, that I am connected to all people in the world as being part of a grander whole. When sensing this I have to acknowledge that I am so dependent on the connections and relationships I have with other people and that in fact I cannot do anything for myself without considering all these connections are part of me too.
‘I feel it is important to encourage and allow ourselves and our partners the space to explore the connections we feel with others, always with absolute regard, whilst still holding an honesty in communication about any hurts that come up around this.’ This is beautiful and very honest Henrietta and I love what you are sharing here as our love expands and develops with our partner so too should all our relationships deepen and evolve as well. Allowing this space and deep honesty for each other in relationship is important and gives each other an opportunity to let go of any hurts that may be holding you both back.
Indeed Henrietta you are re-imprinting what a relationship can be, the openness and grace we can offer one another to grow side by side cuts right through the accepted norms of jealousy, comparison and reactions that are allowed to bounce around in most relationships.
Henrietta it is brilliant to make this definition between the attraction that stirs infidelity or the energetic pull of a deep connection. Attraction is loaded with self motivation where as connection is a natural celebration of each other reflected for all.
What strikes me most about what you have shared about your relationship Henrietta is that if we take away ideals and pictures of a relationship we allow space;potential for deeper connection and commitment to constantly evolve.
“By my offering him space, it also allowed our trust with each other to deepen and it was a confirmation for us both about being together as a couple.” Henrietta thank-you for sharing so openly a topic that can really tap into peoples hurts and sense of vulnerability – firstly this speaks volumes for your relationship with self that you opened up this conversation with your husband and let him know how you felt and what you had observed – equally i can feel the honesty and lack of ideals within your relationship together – your willingness to explore potential ….”We may not always know how this will unfold but there is a divine design that is at play.”
We are supported in every moment to be more love so every relationship and interaction with another there is an opportunity for growth and evolution.
When a partner openly communicates about the love felt in a friendship even in a brief moment, it is incredibly beautiful to feel. There’s a trust that develops within the relationship. It is also as Henrietta says super important to be honest with oneself about any hurts that may come up. We can learn so much about ourselves in the allowing of ourselves and our partners to explore connections with others.
We have the opportunity with everyone we meet for a true intimate connection that allows both to grow and learn and to evolve together, not just the one other in a relationship. What is possible together depends on our willingness to surrender and be open to all and if we make our love exclusive, it is not truly love and both are diminished. We are here to love all equally and in this we will learn true brotherhood and evolution.
Infidelity or a deep connection? What a great question to pose, to which the answer for most of us would of course be ‘deep connection please’. I just wonder how many of us then act in a way that supports this or whether we keep ourselves at arm’s length from one another by not being honest and vulnerable.
It’s interesting you say that within a couple there is always a ‘pull of infidelity’. If the commitment is there, as it obviously is in your relationship, does it not simply take awareness and understanding of the fact that we also relate to many people all the time, but we always choose to return to our one partner. Infidelity is hard to define. How far do we need to go to be unfaithful? It could be in a glance, a thought, or a hug with another. There is nothing we can do about this except to be honest with ourselves and our partner and continue to choose to maintain the commitment. Surely then there is actually no infidelity.
Interesting point you raise by referring to divine design in regard to relationship as this is not to be confused with fate, spiritual kinship, soul-mates or alike. Divine design much more is about purpose, ie the potential two people hold within and in their constellation to bring forth a greater power that serves all of humanity by reflection and expression of the quality they live with each other.
Part of developing a true relationship is to expose and let go of the images we consciously and unconsciously hold about relationship, thus the true meaning and purpose of relationship unfolds.
There are so many images in the way of developing true relationship, of whatever kind. It literally can take one’s breath away, the enormity of what we carry around with us and can so easily taint our surroundings and others with.
Relationship is a school and what we learn in that school is not for us only with our partner but for us with everyone equally – it is a school of love and evolution and thus relationship is not exclusive or insular but inclusive and all-encompassing.
Relationship can often have a sense of ownership, safety or guarantee and hence the fear of loss, being left and hurt and the clinging or demanding that follows from that. When relationship is about love, love in truth another dimension opens up and makes not safety but love the marker for the quality everything in the relationship is related to just as you describe in your blog. It puts into check the hurt and fear and allows space for an evaluation based on love and truth for each person involved and with each other.
Looking back, I have confused a deep connection with a man with attraction, and have ended up in situations that were messy and complicated. I was looking for a partner or needy in some way at the time, and when this connection was felt by us both, we just went with it which caused no end of pain at the time for me and him. I still have this person in my life as a dear friend all these years later with much healing and water under the bridge. The connection is still very much there but it is very clear that the connection is a friendship.
What a demonstration of love. To give your husband the space to explore a connection with another women knowing that he could leave your relationship. This demonstrates the depth of love and regard you have for yourself Henrietta, and your husband – without this, and a strong foundation in your relationship with each other, it could have been messy and emotional.
This is a very sensible issue that you have addressed with the honesty and also wisdom that are necessary to not lose oneself in the hurt or fear but much more to allow space for the exploration and expansion of what life offers – as a healing, deepening, reflection, confirmation etc
How beautiful that you could understand that you are not your hurts Henrietta – that hurt is something that imposes and take us a way from our essence and distract us, when we do undeniably know what is the truth. As you have explained so beautifully ‘it is important to encourage and allow ourselves and our partners the space to explore the connections we feel with others, always with absolute regard, whilst still holding an honesty in communication about any hurts that come up around this’ and this is the way to support us in letting go of separation and allow us to evolve back to a one unified humanity.
“The thought of no longer being with him hurt me, but more deeply still I knew that if this was his choice I would support him and this feeling was stronger than the hurt I felt within.” Feeling the truth in any situation is far grander than feeling the hurt that might be there. For me that is in the end, after sometimes going a bit into reaction…, the most beautiful way to support me when I feel hurt. I can then feel how the hurt is actually not me, neither is the reaction that is offered to me as well as a choice to go into.
It goes to show that the connections we may have go beyond this life. I have become more aware of this recently but what ever the connection as sometimes it can bring up unpleasant feelings within the body the constellation gives rise for growth and evolution.
I find this blog incredibly inspiring especially Henrietta’s willingness to go there and heal the hurt so that her husband was totally free to make a decision as to whom he felt to be in a relationship. Our body is the marker of all truth and no matter what is said in reaction to protecting my hurts I am realising that I cannot fool or lie because my body let’s me know.
Appreciating what is available to us in our connection to ourselves first reveals so much of the truth of the connection between us and others. It is then simple to accept the same connection between everyone else and the truth therein.
Henrietta, I appreciate your openness and sharing here. Especially your willingness and love for your husband that you did not hold him back to experience and explore something which may have brought a decision to end your partnership. But exactly your openness and bringing all you feel on the table allowed the deepening of your relationship.
We may often mix true connection and attraction. A true connection wants to be shared and does not want something back, whereas an attraction wants to fill a need – mostly a lack of intimacy – and is based on giving and taking.
Beautifully clear and true Sonja, you have made the distinction succintly.
To who am I infidel by being infidelity?
Me.
To be intimate is simply to be transparent, to allow another to see you for all you are – including your frailties. Society has been long bereft of such connection, and so the word and indeed our values have been twisted to mean that intimacy must mean physicality of contact, that it is something only reserved for some and not others. By diluting its true meaning, however, we have inadvertantly robbed the world of everyone’s innate glory. If the world was truly intimate, there could be no corruption to give us cause to live a life of protection.
‘We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.’ And as we let go of the hooks that we have around relationships, images that set us up to instantly fail and judgements that hold us separate from others, we can simply be … together..
I love the spaciousness we can have in all our relationships when we accept that ‘there is a divine design at play.’
Relationships with men don’t have to be intimate in the ‘have sex’ way, as I have known a man for quite a number of years and we still catch up and enjoy a meal together and share what is happening in each others lives. I have deep respect for this man and don’t hold back in holding him with my love when we are together, but never is it improper or suggestive in any way, just an appreciation for him and what he brings.
Your openness to life and love is exquisite Henrietta.
This is beautiful Henrietta. There can be so much fear in partners developing relationships with people of the opposite sex. As you lovingly point out, if a connection is felt it is there for a reason and who knows what will unfold. Our love has no end and whilst I believe in monogamous relationships we are designed to have relationships and deep connections with many people. When we go into fear and shut our own or our partner’s depth and love in a box, the world misses out.
Intimate relationships are naturally meant to be open and universal, rather then controlling and making it about just the two. For this to build together, there needs to be built a solid foundation within oneself. Something that’s deeply lacking in today’s society. There’re hardly people that have a deep knowing of themselves and don’t feel dependent on their partner’s choices. This is what I’m calling true love, rather then the emotional love that I know all to well. Such an inspiring sharing! Thank you Henrietta Chang.
Henrietta; the grace you have shown in allowing this friendship to deepen and evolve is very beautiful. You, your husband, his friend….are all showing the way of what true brotherhood can be. The world has much to learn from what you are living.
Your husbands connection with this other woman is proof that we had so many lives and so many connections beyond just this life.
A deeply supportive blog that brings clarity and understanding to those people we meet and instantly there is a connection with them, and most of us mistake this for sexual attraction. Many of us experience these connections with others outside our relationship with our partner… this blog supports us all to remember that they are possibly deep old connections which are also important to give time and space for that can enrich everyone involved.
‘It is not for us to hide this beauty from others and only save it for our family at home – it is about sharing this beauty that we are with all around us and honouring those particular relationships that we know have deeply established roots of trust and love.’ When we let go our needs and enter relationships free of wanting something from the other we can share our beauty fully.
Such a gorgeous warm blog to read today Heneritta, and love all the wisdom you deliver and share with us all. And love the reminder that there is indeed a divine design that is at play in our lives:
The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role. We may not always know how this will unfold but there is a divine design that is at play.
Henrietta it’s such a delicate topic you talk about here and one where it can be easy to fall into the attraction bracket if we’ve not been true and loving with ourselves. If we take out the picture of attraction then it brings up the fact that there are many connections in life that are there for a purpose. If it is a true purpose then stopping or blocking that connection would be damaging for everyone. Yet in the relationship, what I can feel is that by allowing a deep trust and open communication there can be no doubt about connections, as the relationship itself is there for a purpose, a purpose of evolution.
“sharing this beauty that we are with all around us and honouring those particular relationships that we know have deeply established roots of trust and love.” So well put Henrietta and a great confirmation of the place you have evolved to, through allowing those loved one’s around you to flourish, make space to reflect and claim true love in all their relationships as you have. This offers great understanding that evolution is for all and can never be about just a few or for one.
I love this blog, the crispy honesty and love, and pushing of the boundaries of where we stay safe. Life is greater, it’s about connections and human relationships. With the ingredients of building love and trust can transform all our relationships as Henrietta has shown by how she approached her partner in this situation. As she saw the deeper purpose of human relaitonships.
‘It is not for us to hide this beauty from others and only save it for our family at home – it is about sharing this beauty that we are with all around us and honouring those particular relationships that we know have deeply established roots of trust and love.’ The key here is trust and love, which naturally opens us up to share beyond those within our family and home.
‘ I do not mean we get to sleep around, but that we can honour the fact that there is a connection and a meaning to those particular relationships outside of our husband/wife relationship – ones that allow an honesty to unfold, a sharing with no holds barred, a sharing of the love that we are.’ This is such an important area because in relationships we can become closed of to having intimate relationships and connections with others. Sharing with others also brings out qualities that we can bring home back to our partners as well, and vice versa. As we are willing to be in loving relationship with our partners, we can take this out to share with others. As life becomes more and more about love it fills us up and spills over….Henrietta has shared this beautifully, the love in their relationship, allowed Henrietta to be able to give space to her partner to explore his connection with another woman. As Henrietta has stated, she is not talking about ‘sleeping around’.
Henrietta what you are sharing here is remarkable – your honesty and depth of understanding is impeccable and reflects what an extraordinary woman you are. You did not go into jealousy, fear or insecurity, as you stated there was hurt there but it was not greater than you where you did not allow it to take over you. But instead you were a woman willing to talk to her partner about his feelings with another woman. A very sensitive subject for most of us in relationships. ‘I voiced my concerns in full honesty, but I also felt so deeply within me that I needed to give him the space to explore this connection.’ This in itself shows how we can be in relationship with another.
‘We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.’ This article helps re-define our understanding of intimacy. Intimacy does not infer deep connection with only one other, or a physical relationship with them – intimacy is a quality of transparency and openness we can have with anyone – and ultimately, everyone.
It’s true – some connections can be felt that seem older than this life. It’s a sense of having known someone deeply before and it is worth exploring. It also feels to me, as someone who could one day explore that kind of connection with a person of the opposite sex, to resist any impulse to bring romantic feelings about that person to the table in the first instance. It would be possible to confuse that profound sense of connection with the desire for a romantic connection. While it could be true for the connection to become an intimate one, my feeling is caution should be exercised while it becomes clear what the connection is to be. It sounds like this is what Henrietta’s husband was able to do.
I have to confess I haven’t been a great one in the past for being OK with partners’ friendships with other women as it always felt like a competition (at least at my end). I haven’t been a great one either for wanting friendships with men I’d been the partner of! It feels now my world view, so to speak, was in this regard very limited. That has changed a lot in the last decade as I’ve learnt more about myself and my feelings. It’s great to have that opportunity to grow.
Great sharing Henrietta, thank you. I admire your capacity in this instance to put the potential for jealousy and fear aside and lovingly give your husband the space to explore what was present with another – and yourself permission to feel and express all you did. Really well done, inspiring.
Henrietta, your openness, strength and wisdom are inspirational.
Cherishing and nourishing our relationships be it with partners, family or friends is so important and the honesty shown in this blog can support us in re-evaluating where we are at in our relationships with all that we are connected to.
It is a very intimate and honest sharing Henrietta and thank you for bringing this very valuable contribution and experience to the table. Very gutsy indeed!
Today I wanted my partner to share an experience with me (to sing a song on record) I did choose to make. he was not so much interested and said no. I made it without him but met a few other people and we had the most lovely and sweet time together while this recording. When I came home I shared my experience with my partner and he shared with me his day experiences…it was lovely.
We have a relationship with each other but also with others. All are equally worth and also do inspire each other. This is a richness.
In my past I was very jealous and it was not easy for me to give my partner the chance to meet another human being, specially women. By the time and with a lot of work on my self-confidence this did change, but still… What brought really a change here was my unfoldment in realizing what is true love, namely what we all are, it is our essence. To express it is natural and I can not get it from another. What is also not necessary because I am love already. The more I unfold my ‘being love’ the less I need something (that sounds/looks like love but isn’t) else from someone else. And to share the love we are – therefore we are here.
(That does not mean that I will sleep around or encourage my partner to do so.)
Henrietta – more and more I have been feeling how we are as you say – designed to have many close relationships with people. We’ve got it so wrong when we think that intimacy is cheating – intimacy is simply connection. Of course we can have a partner who we are in a physical relationship with, but there is so much opportunity to be intimate with friends and family in the sense that we are completely open with each other, we are honest, we pull each other up, we say it like it is, we don’t hold back. To have this level of relationship with others is so needed – as it is based on the simple truth and not a need to have friends or people who like us.
Loving all equally is a big practice, and I really only know one man and one family (the Benhayons) who are truly leading the way, though many others are now following… and who inspire me and so many others I know daily. There is such a huge learning which never really stops. It is not about perfection but it is about giving yourself permission to try something that might actually feel a little scary at first. And we don’t exactly get to be popular when we rock the boat, but in so doing, we learn so much, including at times how to swim!
Reading both of your blogs reveals how if we have build a foundation of trust, where we know there is no infidelity going on in the relationship, we are then able to open up more to these deep connections and friendships that are possible beyond the relationship with our partner, without jeopardizing it.
This is hugely inspiring Henrietta in how we can bring a deeper level of honesty, and love to our relationships, ultimately to understand the truth of love, that we are all One and joined by Light. The limitations of the flesh can make us appear separate, but in fact we are all part of the cosmic whole together – interconnected and interdependent with all others.
Intimacy is not to be confused with flirting or any sexual act – as it is a truly innocent and gorgeous quality that can be bought to all relationships.
So true Abby – and when we do our relationships with people become so enriched and the quality increases immensely.
This is beautiful to feel and allows ourselves to be all that we are and with everyone and not hide this for a chosen one or few. “it is about sharing this beauty that we are with all around us and honouring those particular relationships that we know have deeply established roots of trust and love.” How very expansive and joyful this feels and how beautiful to share this in your relationship with this understanding and allow the oneness we are all from.
I agree Hennrietta, “The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role.” To not stand in the way of a relationship because of personal fear of loss is important. The fear of loss itself shows us that we want/get something from the other, but in fact we are all in full inside – just not expressing it yet. But through the meetings with others we get supported in our discovery, unfoldment and expression. Everyone shines a light and this does enlighten aspects of others. It is beautiful to embrace this fact and be able to do so by feeling their own worth and light shining.
This is a very needed sharing. I observe myself as having the tendency to be controling in my relationship. To allow the steps to let go of this control, of expectations and rules is very healing and freeing.
Years ago I would have never been able to be so open and honest and supportive, of my husband if he had feelings for another woman… even if it was a loving friendship… as I lacked self worth and this would have been excruciating to come up against. Now, it’s lovely to hear of the relationships he has with women at work and I also share with him the many male friendships I hold very dear to me. There is a greater purpose to all our relationships.
I do love it when I feel confident and secure in my own self that others having connections that are different to the one I have with them does not threaten me. I can have it with friends as well as my partner jealousy feeling threatened, only when I am not appreciating myself can these feelings take hold. Ugly when it does.
To have the clarity and knowing that you did Henrietta comes from one who sees the bigger picture of life and that relationships are our biggest lessons and opportunities to heal any hurts we may have and to deepen and grow from. We are meant to be in relationship with ourselves and others. Thank you for sharing your experience, it is very inspiring.
I learn so much from the people I have deeply connected with – if we cut any connection out because we feel it to be inappropriate because we are in a relationship we miss out big time – and that doesn’t mean disloyalty or cheating, simply honouring when we feel those relationships that we have with people that are so important for our evolution, and knowing that love cannot only be shared with one, it is to be expressed for all.
“Further to this, I have always had an understanding deep within that there are certain relationships or connections with people that are very important to honour and we need to allow them the space to blossom.” I feel that this is such a great point. I often find that I shy away from having a deeper relationship with men who are in a relationship yet this denies me an opportunity to get to know them more. I then miss out on the true connection we can have.
When we connect with any one in any type of a relationship, we allow them the space to know their own feelings.
It is incredible to accept and enjoy the fact that one relationship is not meant to be the only one that we connect, learn and grow in. It takes the pressure off hugely, allows for all our relationships to be part of our growth and understanding and opens us up to the learning on offer in every interaction. I love the inspiration of this article – what happens when we don’t apply the ‘rules’ (in this case, you being hurt, possessive and/or justified in a reaction) that we have laid down in society about what it all should look like. Thank you, Henrietta.
Yes, Matilda, it seems crazy now to expect all of our growth to be reliant on one relationship, when every day is filled with opportunity to be inspired by others.
Being willing to view the bigger, deeper picture always works. The power of the observer is based on true love. How can our relationships lose if we choose to be the loving observer?
The selflessness of this gesture of allowing your husband to explore this relationship is truly remarkable, you are a woman I look up to, a role model and I am blessed to know both your husband and yourself so intimately, thank you for sharing this story, as it feels we can all grow from your experience.
Sarah, thank YOU for this gorgeous comment – it has been amazing to feel the response that has come from so many people reading this blog and it has made me realise that not only is writing a blog a healing in itself, but posting it and reading the comments is another healing in itself. And as you have said, we all grow from each others experiences, each others comments and each others sharings. Likewise I too am so blessed to know you and your husband! You are both a blessing to the whole community in so many ways! Who you are and what you deliver is stunning and only natures beauty can compare!
Only yesterday I was reflecting on the intimacy in relationships. We allow so many ideals and beliefs to get in the way of being natural and open with people – really letting them in. A colleague’s husband went into hospital; my natural incline was to visit their home but I hesitated because it was ‘work’ related. This colleague has shown me such openness and allowed me the space to be intimate in our relationship and inspired me to be open with her. By opening ourselves up to each other in our workplace, I can see how it has benefitted our whole organisation through bringing in a foundation of love and respect.
Wow Gina, this is amazing – and so true what you say. It is like there are invisible barriers of what is OK or not OK to do with work colleagues or in other situations. When we play this game, it stops us from going deeper, especially if we have a feeling to do something but then hold back because of these constraints.
However, the depth of care we hold for someone can still be expressed simply by the warmth in our gaze, by a hand on their shoulder, and this is not to be underestimated either. And sometimes that is all that can be expressed due to rules and regulations that we have in society, yet they are super powerful in conveying the care and deep intimacy we can share amongst each other. Let’s bust these barriers and show that we are all one big family, in the end.
If we entertain the thoughts that run through us when we go into comparison or judgement, there is no way you can have a truly loving and equal relationship with another because you aren’t having a relationship with yourself at that moment, you are having it with the thought you have chosen to accept.
I can really feel the importance of offering friends and partners space to evolve as individuals which in itself usually enhances the relationship. Relationships are about deepening trust not building boundaries and creating rules.
This is such an important blog Henrietta. It is so easy to misinterpret relationships between people as being sexual, especially if it involves an intimate partner. But it is possible to enjoy deep connections with people who are not our partner, and it is beautiful to allow the space for this.
I know with my friends that when they would deeply connect with someone else and I could see how close they where, it offers you the choice to compare and become jealous with the other person – what do they have that I don’t, maybe they like that friend more than me. But if we stop and consider, every one has something different to offer another, without detracting from what anyone else brings
Thank you Henrietta for the sharing on such a sensitive issue, I have also felt a strong connection to another that feels it goes deeper than this lifetime and I am still confused by the relationship, and by you nominating it as devine design at play gives me a bit of reassurance and clarity
Henrietta the grace and indeed the space that you allowed your husband is incredibly freeing and also potentially uniting at the same time.
Henrietta what you have shared about giving your husband the freedom to explore and even leave the relationship, feels like a part of true love to me.
Love for another cannot be restricted to just our partners, but that love does not need physical intimacy to be real.
I feel the respect and honouring that you have held here in this space for not only your husband but for yourself. It reflects indeed that love is there for all and that we can hold for all others.
Perhaps infidelity is a result of not letting ourselves feel that it is possible to have a deep connection with another person, and that’s where it stays, and that this feeling is appreciated, honoured and enjoyed. Perhaps we somehow complicate this connection of love felt with another by some ideas, dreams or conjured up images that then bring about misunderstanding of this natural and beautiful interaction with another.
Serge Benhayon has always presented that love is there equally for another. To hold anyone else with any less love is indeed separation – between people and from ourselves.
“The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role. We may not always know how this will unfold but there is a divine design that is at play.” I also feel this about the fleeting daily connections we have with people, that there will always be a divine design at play.
Thank you Henrietta for highlighting the fact that during any relationship we can come across other people who we are attracted to or have a deep connection to and that with understanding for our partners and open communication it allows the other to explore what is really going on, as in those moments it can get very confusing for the person. This is one of those situations when communication is vital no matter how difficult.
Yes, I agree, Henrietta, that there are no accidents or coincidences in the way we meet other people. When we open ourselves up to the possibility of there being a divine design inherent in the various relationship constellations of our lives, we can feel the grace of God in everything that occurs from day to day. This is truly beautiful way to live and provides deeper meaning and joyful purpose.
“We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.” This is so far from what we have been raised to believe, that the only person who we can have an intimate relationship with is our partner, and any form of intimacy with another at the same time is looked upon as infidelity. To be able to allow your husband the space to feel into why this woman was in his life is the greatest example of loving trust between two people, trust that in the end was given the opportunity to grow even stronger which in turn strengthened the foundation of your marriage.
We are designed to be in, amongst and for people in an intimate way. And intimacy is not sexual but a beautiful connection to others. Intimacy can be in a gesture or simple movement and it is very supportive of others and of ourselves when we allow intimacy. I always find it is amazing when I meet someone and the conversation just flows or I instantly just feel at ease in their company, there is a pre formed intimacy there that was perhaps built long ago. I love the proposition that building intimacy with many people actually can support that intimacy with both ourselves and our partner.
This is a beautiful and inspiring article – debunking the notion that we can focus our love on one other person, with another version for our immediate circle of friends and family, then another for acquaintances, another for chance meeting and yet another for those we have not met. The fact is that, in truth, love is a one and only quality that is shared with all. We may choose to live with, be with, spend time with certain people but the love does not change and is actually enhanced from one meeting to the next – so the love we express with a partner has an impact on the love we express with someone we chat to in the street and vice versa.
Thank you Elizabeth – and likewise it is important always to appreciate any relationship for what it brings, and also not to put a picture on the relationship or where you might perceive it to be going or how you would like it to be. The key has been to keep communicating more and more and being honest to the level that we can each time. This gives it the freedom to unfold in ways unseen, but also means you develop trust – trust in yourself, trust in your partner but also trust in what will unfold.
Henrietta you showed us how true relationship should be. To give the partner space is for me a beautiful way to deepen the connection to oneself and to the partner otherwise the relationship can be felt like a prison were no one can evolve.
I love your blog Henrietta thank you for sharing with us and inspiring us to reflect on our relationships. Love is for everyone, we cannot hold onto it or try to contain it, love is not selective or bias, love is for all, expansive, forever deepening and evolving. So, by allowing space, love, understanding, honesty and trust to be the foundations of all our relationships they will naturally blossom.
Your blog confirms for me the lack of true relationship education we receive from our families, communities and in our formal education. The hurts I have carried (and still do) have dictated the level of openness available in my relationships. Since meeting Serge Benhayon I have learnt so much about the truth of love and how most relationships lack the truth about love and possibility that you share here. I love it.
You break open relationships to expose the core Henrietta – a testament to knowing who you are and what love truly is. Brilliant. I’d love to see a series on relationship from you in the public arena! Unimed Living?
The saying ‘if you love someone, set them free’ has it’s place. We have to question how much we really love another when we do everything in our power to avoid them ‘straying’. It always comes back to us first. How are we truly feeling about ourselves when we fear being ‘left’ ‘abandoned’ etc. Do we honour that we are in fact enough just as we are before our relationship? Or do we identify ourselves as being whole only when there is another to fill us up? And then when the other is not there, are we empty vessels?
This is so inspiring Henrietta! How wonderful that you were able to connect to yourself first, acknowledge your feelings, talk about them honestly with your husband and then come to the understanding that everything is ok no matter what might happen. We need more stories like this. There is enormous power here that doesn’t not allow a skerrick of drama in…just real and honest feelings and communication!
“The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role. We may not always know how this will unfold but there is a divine design that is at play” – yes Henrietta, and learning to accept this cyclical sequencing of truth is what brings the joy into divine design play’s fruition … to bear the fruits there to be enjoyed, and also re-enjoyed on a greater more expanded plane.
“We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others” – the more we connect to not this ‘one life’, but many lives, the more this becomes and feels possible, normal and very true too. The more divinity or our divine nature is connected to, there is no other way than a total honouring of such connections for the true purpose they do serve at times perhaps not consciously aware of, though intuitively always felt and respected on a deeper level.
The honesty in this blog it is very refreshing Henrietta, for true love has no boundaries and relationships whether they are within a marriage, a family or with new or old connections all have true value. It s not that one relationships is more or less important than another but that through the development of each relationship it can build trust allowing us to be more transparent and willing to express openly, leading to a forever deepening understanding of ourself and of others. “It is not for us to hide this beauty from others and only save it for our family at home – it is about sharing this beauty that we are with all around us and honouring those particular relationships that we know have deeply established roots of trust and love”.
I cried reading this today – I was deeply touched by the love you have for yourself and for your husband. This line particularly stood out – “but more deeply still I knew that if this was his choice I would support him and this feeling was stronger than the hurt I felt within” as it showed me that what is often on the surface, is not what is truly going on. That if we can see beyond our hurts, to the bigger picture, there is a whole new world waiting for us. One of far less complication and one that is far more encompassing of all.
The truth of the matter is that the way we are accustomed to think on earth is actually the opposite of the actual truth. We imagine that we can corral ourselves off from the outside world, whether it be inside our own country, our own street, our own home, or our own relationships within the home by only sharing love with these people, that we will be protected and safe. But in fact the whole world and universe is totally interconnected, and the more we share the love the more it will grow and not be stunted and possessive. We can never lose love as we are made of it.
‘The thought of no longer being with him hurt me, but more deeply still I knew that if this was his choice I would support him and this feeling was stronger than the hurt I felt within.’ When we feel love we realise that this superseeds all else and we are filled with understanding.
“Hence, I feel it is important to encourage and allow ourselves and our partners the space to explore the connections we feel with others, always with absolute regard, whilst still holding an honesty in communication about any hurts that come up around this.” I agree Henrietta. So many relationships are destroyed through jealousy of another person becoming ‘too friendly’ with a partner. But there are so many potential great realtionships out there to be had, if we would only allow our partners, and they us, the freedom to explore them, with the respect and integrity that they deserve. Whatsmore two people who are deeply connected but aren’t committed to each other in a physical realtionship could potentially bring about an amazing service together to support other people and or communities.
“The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role.” When we truly understand this and make all of our relationships about evolution, then there is no space for jealousy, only love.
Love your honesty Henrietta and your ability to surrender and trust in the divine plan.
I agree we cannot keep the love we have just for our partner and our family we need to share this with all of humanity. It is great that you had that understanding and did not get in the way of your partner loving another the same way he loves you. And as you said it deepened and enriched your love of each other. I have learnt this way from Serge Benhayon and it has totally transformed my relationships in a way that I never could have imagined possible, for example I am able to love all kids as if they are my own.
“The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role.”. Seeing relationships like this is truly beautiful, relationships have a much deeper purpose than we usually consider. They have a purpose for us to learn things about ourselves and to grow.
The push for individuality has robbed us of true appreciation and celebration of relationships and the intimacy held within these. I love your honesty Henrietta and the opportunity you opened up in your relationship to explore and confirm how relationships come in many forms and need not hold the narrow ‘brief’ we so often give them. Thank you.
In the past I have felt sexual chemistry with potential partners and not really explored my feelings much deeper. Now that I am beginning to do this, I am discovering there is so so much more to being intimate with a partner than just in a sexual way. Allowing yourself and others the space to feel the truth, purpose and potential of a relationship is what allows relationships to deepen and grow naturally.
I recall experiencing a few episodes of being jealous of a partner of the relationship that they had had with another. I have to say I recall how sick I felt with it. Gosh it’s one of the worst feelings. The approach that you have taken here would be much more kinder and supportive to your own wellbeing, for I can guarantee that there is not an ounce of wellbeing in jealousy.
A very refreshing read Henrietta and beautiful in how you were (are) with your husband. It shows the very strong relationship that you have and the respect that you have for each other first.
This is a really interesting approach Henrietta. I can relate to feeling very strong connections with certain people I meet, and its so important that we honour these feelings and allow our partners to do the same. This does not mean, as you’ve shared, that they will end up with that person but that they can develop friendships and build on that connection. A lot of relationships are very insular and do not accommodate these feelings and instead both partners feel that they cannot develop new and amazing friendships out of worry that their partner will react.
In my life I have learnt with the support of Universal Medicine, that everyone I meet has something to share and something for me to learn through reflection. We all have a piece of the puzzle that when put together forms a masterpiece. If we close ourselves off from people and potential connections based on an ideal or belief of what a relationship or intimacy should look like, we cut ourselves off from the pieces that may just be what we are looking for in our lives.
It is actually very respectful and honouring of our partners or close friends and family to be open to connections with everyone equally. It takes away a lot of the pressure or need or expectation that we can place on our nearest and dearest to come up with everything.
There is a lot of confusion and images associated with the word intimacy. We have drifted into a meaning of this word that only includes being sexual but intimacy is far deeper and richer than just sexual intimacy. For me it means feeling very connected, open, vulnerable and not guarded or protected with another person. To not be afraid to let them in and see me for who I am.
Beautifully said Andrew for when we allow ourselves to be intimate and transparent with another we also open ourselves to the potential of the relationship.
There is this notion in our society that we should only be close and intimate with a partner or close family but if we keep the focus on only a few people we close ourselves off to the potential of having close connections with many others which can enrich our lives deeply and help us to grow.
I know many women and men who have started to feel very jealous of their partners friends who are of the opposite sex – asking their partners not to see them, or making an issue of them being around so much etc. But what your so beautifully expressing s that each and every one of us brings something different to relationships and friendships – and so those connections with others, those people we feel a deep and strong link with, bring us something no one else can and in that we learn and grow.
Henrietta your openness about relationships is very supportive as I used to experience many of the same things in my early relationships, yet these are not openly spoken about or looked at. What is clear now is that unless we hold ourselves in love we can’t hold another or appreciate the relationships we have. It is an ongoing process for me to really understand this and have this as a reality and I am deeply appreciative of the support from Universal Medicine as before this point it was all about issues the other person had.
Having the courage to have open communication like this regardless of the outcome speaks volumes Henrietta. Quite often these things get left unsaid and jealousy and resentment can get in the way, and we feel hurt by our partners attraction or connection to another, but speaking up and voicing our hurts, fears, concerns however the feelings manifest will only make ourselves and our relationships stronger.
Henrietta, I love your blogs. They are so deeply inspiring, thank you.
Henrietta i just really enjoy reading your posts, they offer such insight into relationships, and what you observe is very healing and cleansing. How you describe the situation you found your husband in, and what you went through, shows the strength in understanding you possess, but also the strength of the relationship too – the trust that is already there, and in this the allowance and openness without any emotional tangle. When the emotion is not there, clarity can be seen and in this the truth of any situation. In your case, the revealed solidity of your relationship that was felt by you and also your husband. Beautiful.
“The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role” – they do indeed, such grace in what you share Henrietta. I have come across many of those instances in my life, people who are married, and not married, and know with certainty strong and known connections with them, that feeling of just being at ease with them which is so wonderful. The ‘married’ bit can throw a spanner in the works because of the attraction that may well be there (and create confusion), and what lies beyond that physicality i.e. the deep connection you speak of, is missed or not connected to. A shame when this happens, though complete joy when it’s honoured and embraced.
Henrietta, you definitely are re-writing and re-defining the existing take on relationships! This is a priceless gift for humanity.
I love this question “what if we encounter another person and feel there is a connection with them that is not of a sexual kind; one that is possibly a deep old connection?” I feel this happens all the time but we do not bring enough awareness to it. There is always so much more to understand and appreciate in every situation.
Henrietta, you are the voice, ‘the relationships ghost buster’, so desperately needed in the world today to bust wide open all the false and damaging ideals and beliefs humanity holds regarding true intimacy in relationships.
Henrietta your blogs on relationships are absolutely magnificent – extraordinarily open and honest and with a deep level of understanding and inner wisdom. Your cup runneth over with love so freely and beautifully for all.
When we consider how many lifetimes we have had, there are bound to be many connections we have made through the centuries. I often get a feeling of easy familiarity with some people and it feels like more than just this lifetime.
It’s a sad state we live in when a male/female relationship is assumed to be sexual on some level.
Thus, how far we have strayed and tainted the beauty of what is possible in a friendship with someone from the opposite sex that is pure, true and enriching of all aspects in your life.
This is for me is an absolute foundation for relationships: “honouring those particular relationships that we know have deeply established roots of trust and love.” From here we can expand our friendships knowing that there is in place the ability to discuss and share lovingly what is happening, no one is left with an opening for doubt.
Thank you Henrietta for sharing so beautifully the honesty and openness you were able to go to with your husband, this type of relationship is so rare in our world where jealousy , neediness and ownership are often experienced. To truly love, allow and let go, is so very honouring of yourself and others. I love how you expressed the difference between attraction and connection, with so much wisdom.
Bringing true connection to another deepens and supports all of our relationships.
I love you openness to allow this situation to unfold and not to try and control its outcome.
“The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role. We may not always know how this will unfold but there is a divine design that is at play.” So true Henrietta… there are no coincidences in life – everything happens for a reason – there is something to be learnt from every choice we make and every situation, and when we can bring true understanding there is so much healing and magic that can come from this – for ourselves and for others.
This blog is a teaching and healing in one. Thank you Henrietta. ‘The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role. We may not always know how this will unfold but there is a divine design that is at play.’ – wow a powerful revelation. Honoring this truth and allowing our partners (and each other in general) space with absolute regard to explore connections with others is deeply honoring the purpose of our being here together as a humanity. It is through our connections with others that we can grow, evolve and realise that we are all here together to heal and let go our hurts so as to return to live to Love we are designed to live in Brotherhood.
How important is trust in relationships… this is a great example of trusting what will be, that it is not about self but about everyone… “By my offering him space, it also allowed our trust with each other to deepen and it was a confirmation for us both about being together as a couple.”
I share many deep intimate connections with men that possibly from the outside look like that it is an ‘attraction’. However in truth it is a simply a deep adoration, an openness, honoring and appreciation of the love we are and the intimacy that we share through our connection. I am very joyfully married to my husband and not once have I had any interest or ‘attraction’ to be with another man, yet there are many men that I simply adore being with as a brother, a friend without holding back our intimacy. And I know that my husband shares similar connections with women. Yet we have never had any jealousy or hurt between us because of this, as we know, honor and celebrate the quality and commitment of our relationship, which is founded on and continues to grow and deepen in truth and love, every day.
We are in relationship all of the time… whether that be in connection with others or not, it is still a relationship.
It is so true that every relationship we are in be it with a partner or a friend offers us an opportunity to deepen our relationship with truth and love for ourselves so we then can live and share this truth and Love in relationships with others. When we surrender to the truth of what a relationship is offering us we will discover that is a great depth connection to ourselves to explore and a great amount of love and truth to honor and appreciate.
In theory this sounds amazing but in truth it must have been a leap of trust, to open up and honour your husband, giving him the space to explore the relationship with another woman. As usual our imaginations take over and we have already reacted to a picture and we can create a drama where there is none, we have been sold an image that we can only have one intimate relationship with our partner and maybe family. But actually expanding and honouring ” we are actually divinely designed to be connected and be in intimate relationships with many others” is sharing the love we naturally are.
Henrietta your openness to exploring the depths of Love, growth and evolution through relationships is inspirational. Your commitment to truth and Love is clearly a foundation that you have developed within yourself from which you are able to be open to consider the possibility that there is simply an old connection at play and allow the space for your husband to explore this freely. Rather than instantly react with jealously, hurt or protection and create tension for all through manipulation and control. This is a reflection of your commitment to Love and truth first, very deeply beautiful to feel.
I can feel I still have these insecurities play out in friendships. If I can sense that a friend has a deeper connection with someone else I go into thinking I will be rejected and I push them away or I step away from them so I don’t have to feel this. It is an insecurity I hold based on not feeling like I am enough and then in that pattern I go into it actually creates what I most fear. It is supportive reading your blog as it shows another way to be with this.
It is amazing that our connections are different and are so for a variety of reasons that you mention. I have had two encounters with people that I knew I had been in relationship with them in past lives that this meeting was not the first. It was a very clear experience both times and proved to be very significant relationships in my life from that moment onward.
Thank you Henrietta this is so needed especially I feel for so many men who are scared to develop a deep connection with women and feel much from women who are guarded about allowing that connection with men. True connection has nothing to do with sexual attraction but it has everything to do with love. In giving your partner this space to explore connection, it showed great trust in both him and yourself and in what love truly represents.
“By my offering him space, it also allowed our trust with each other to deepen and it was a confirmation for us both about being together as a couple.”
This is a great testament to the beautiful connection you have both built together Henrietta, and your showing us how when emotion and self does not come into play, both are able to feel what is needed in relationships with others that we are not intimately linked to in a sexual way, but more from an equal human to human way that as you say, The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role.
The photo with this blog says it all, you can feel the connection and the intimacy: very beautiful.
There’s so much honouring in this epic blog. Honouring of both self as well as the partner. Both the love and the hurt(s). As well as honouring of the communication and space that this situation required. Absolutely AWESOME! A sharing / blog that could (should??!!) be studied all over the world in schools, universities, counselor education, etc. Appreciation, love and honesty, rather than fear, control and contraction (= dishonesty)!
Intimacy, in the meaning of communicating about what we feel is key in a process like this. Without communication, also about the hurts that might be triggered, without putting the responsibility for your hurts with your partner, is essential and adds to strengthen the foundation of the relationship and supports the deepening.
Beautiful how you describe how allowing your partner the space and the grace to explore what the divine constellation with the woman he met is, deepened the relationship between the two of you.
This is so true: “We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.” That is absolutely who we truly are. We love and long for brotherhood and connection and togetherness. We carry deep inside us a memory of how this can be and would all love to go back to this way of living and being together. There is no such thing as that there isn’t enough love and that it runs out because you have a partner with whom you share your life with. Love keeps deepening and the more you love you, the more love you allow yourself to be, the more love there is to share with others.
Super inspiring Henrietta, I could feel that I’ve always had needs in relationships and that there’s been a lot of control in order to trying to avoid losing my partner. I’ve always known very well that this wasn’t the way to go, but have not been able to shift it. Reading this makes me aware of the importancy of being honest about the hurt(s) that might (and have) come up, but also the possibility of the choice to feel that my love is actually much bigger. Which feels so true. Giving myself permission to allow the love to blossom, rather than the control, fear, sadness will be such a blessing for both me as well as others. Reading this sharing and writing this comment has allready a healing effect on me. Thank you Henrietta.
There is a distinct difference between attractions and connection where the first is what we call in to fill the emptiness and satisfy our needs, keeping us locked in the same place and the second is what is there from our fullness and will offer us expansion and evolution.
I very much appreciate that you have written two blogs exploring the possibility that we may be find ourselves drawn to someone other than our partner when we have this icky feel of ‘infidelity’, and also that we may find ourselves choosing to spend time with someone other than our partner as a natural expression of the love that we are and in response to the opportunity for growth that life offers us. It is useful to know the difference between the two energies and great suggestion that if we are unclear at the time, talking it through with our partner can help clarify things.
It can be all too easy to try and control our partners because our insecurities tell us to be jealousy of anyone else they might be close to, even if there are super 100% loyal and committed to the relationship with you, when we let those thoughts niggle away we can find ourselves jealous of their close friends. Instead to honor the people with whom they have developed intimate relationships that grow and develop them to be more of who they are is ins turn opening up the relationship to grow and develop.
Our normal modas operandi in a situation like this is to react, get jealous, focus on our loss and what we will be missing out on which is the exact opposite of they way you continued to hold your husband with the deepest love and allow him the grace to explore the connection he felt with another women in his life. I would love to see this as an article in any women’s magazine rather than the ugly game playing articles that are normally written.
For me this blog confirms the deep connection and love you hold for yourself as I feel without that knowing of who you are and the love that you are there is no way you would have felt the openness to allow your husband the space to explore the connection that crossed his path. Super inspiring blog Henrietta as although we all have hurts when we do not focus on the hurts and instead focus on loving choices the hurts, although very real, are not nearly so overwhelming.
Henrietta, i just love your insights about relationships based on your lived experience. Through them I really appreciate and enjoy your transparency.
The truth is that having a deep connection with someone is something to celebrate; not a problem.
I experienced a partner in the past who became very jealous of all the relationships I had with my male friends. In time I stopped contacting all my friends, just to not upset my partner. This was a major part of the sadness I felt when we broke up, feeling how much I had compromised and isolated myself.
Being loving and connected with others does not mean we are disloyal or unfaithful to our partners. Having the discussion around jealousy and competition is so important as it comes up in relationships all the time. We have to be willing to go there and talk things out. I know when I am feeling jealous or threatened its about my own issues that need healing. By developing a strong relationship with myself, I have a steadier foundation that has helped me to release some of those feelings of jealously and dependency.
I can’t deny the instant connection I have felt with individuals I’ve met throughout my life. This ranges from babies to the very elderly, both male and female. I think you are so right when you say, ‘The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role.’ I am learning the very important role all relationships have in helping us to evolve.
It’s funny how we think of love as finite; something that will run out. I remember feeling very jealous if a partner had a female friend. In some way I felt that equated to less love for me, and that my position as ‘the one’ was devalued. For the same reason I have stayed away from forming close friendships with men for fear that my partner might feel the same. The reality is so far from this and both partners end up missing out.
In truth it is possible to have intimate relationships with anyone who chooses to share openly and honestly with others. I think we have strayed vastly from this truth and inhibited our potential to connect and grow and heal in each everyone else’s reflection. A pandemic plague of jealousy, comparison and low self-worth has our natural inclination and capacity for intimacy held hostage. I love this blog Henrietta as it breaks down these barriers to our potential for truer relationships – thank you for sharing.
Absolutely Jeanette. All these behaviours do are keep us away from sharing the true us with everyone and them from sharing their true selves with us. A lose lose situation for us all.
Another stunning sharing that develops great understanding of the evolution that can come from allowing the space for such relationships. I couldn’t agree more that the connections we feel have a purpose and divine design to be explored and embraced.
I absolutely agree Henrietta. This way of relating allows for more honesty in all our relationships and allowing that space for our partner, or ourselves, to explore a deeply felt connection with another is opening to deeper intimacy also. It fosters trust and expands our connection with everyone. There are far too many fears and beliefs that go against this way of being so thank you for showing how well it can work.
This is truly inspiritional, showing us what true relationship is about. We should not hold the gold that we are in the vault of our intimate relationships, it is there to share with all. It is about creating the space for this to exist, as when we hold onto the conditional love we came to call love it will never work.
It is so honouring of you both and your relationship that you gave your husband the space to explore this connection without allowing jealousy or comparison to sabotage this deepening of intimacy between you.
Thank you, Henrietta. I am really appreciating the honesty with which you share the ongoing learning with your partner, and I can feel that by being open to exploring the challenges that come up, the relationship and trust in each other is deepening all the time. I love how you are both not settling for a comfortable arrangement with each other, but going for nothing but true love and transparency.
True love and transparency are what we are all truly seeking, so it is great to hear others share their stories and know that it can be done. Something which defies all we are shown and taught in society today.
Henrietta, I love this, ‘We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.’ I can feel how true this is and that in society it is so common for us to only have intimate relationships with family when actually it is very beautiful and natural to have these relationships with others too, in my local community I can feel how these intimate relationships are possible with so many people that I come into contact with and that in the past I have held back because these people are not blood related, but that now I am starting to treat other people with the same openness, love and care that I would my own family, this is a beautiful way to live and feels much more ‘normal’ and natural than only being intimate with a few family members.
Wow this experience and choice you made Henrietta is priceless. The choice to go into jealousy or comparison with another woman if there is any sign of interest from your partner or someone close to you has become our default mode so to speak. But what you share is so true we do have connections with lots of different people and they can present themselves at any given moment so to have a barrier or constriction in not allowing ourselves or others to go there is creating a huge contraction and dis-honouring what is so natural within us.
Thank you Henrietta, what grace you bring to your marriage through your openness, trust, honesty and perception. It is super important that when we perceive our partners have connected with other people outside of our relationship, that we are honest about how we feel and that we don’t allow our pain or jealousy to hinder the development of meaningful friendships or more. This can apply to both the opposite and same gender friendships. We are supposed to be connected and when we build these connections with other people, my experience is that our own personal relationships grow in intimacy and appreciation. And there is purpose to these connections, ones that are not always so clear to start with, but as the connection deepens then the magic of the relationship will naturally be expressed.
It is only by being completely truthful and honest in our feelings can one be truly intimate with oneself and others.
What a great subject to bring up. It would be mad to think we can’t be intimate with more than one person whether it be male or female and by that I definitely don’t associate the word intimacy with any thing sexual.
How true is our love if we limit it to just a few close individuals or just that special one? Love, when kept like a butterfly in a jar is beautiful for everyone to see but will die if not let out to spread its wings and fly.
So true Steve! If we lived in harmony we would see all as equals.
Great to read your honest experiences Henrietta regarding your relationship. If we are able to step back it makes sense that partners will often have connections with other people, and this can create jealousy and lead to arguments. But the honesty of sharing how you felt and the openness to what is next is so refreshing. I can feel how you took the emotion out of the situation and were so honest and very loving. This is such a great foundation for any relationship and it is easy to see how this would deepen the connection with your husband. I don’t think there are many examples I have seen of this level of honesty, it is a quality that can only lead to greater quality in whatever comes next.
The greatest example of loving everyone equally is Serge Benhayon!
So true Steve!
I feel it actually enriches the relationship I have with my partner to have strong connections with other people, male and female. It shows an open-ness with everyone and an intimate relationship with just one, which is my choice. I have always felt a very strong level of trust and space for this to happen.
I could not be in a relationship where I felt ‘owned’ by the other person, I feel very lucky that this isn’t the case and it’s important to me to show the same level of love and trust. A few years ago my partner attended ‘Burning Man’ in USA to do some photography. Afterwards a friend exclaimed that she couldn’t believe that I had no issue with him to going alone, I equally couldn’t understand why she had felt it was a problem.
Thank you, Henrietta. As I read how you chose to give your husband the space to choose if he felt to be with the other woman, I could feel my body contract slightly, I was unsure if I could make that choice. However, I read on and then you share ‘By my offering him space, it also allowed our trust with each other to deepen and it was a confirmation for us both about being together as a couple.’ …. I can see my reaction was the fear of loosing my partner, however, I can completely understand that to resist if someone is pulling away, results in them pulling away even more. If someone feels a deeper connection to be with another, on some level, the choice has already been made.
It’s truly amazing to read how you were able to express yourself with your husband so honestly and lovingly. Such big trust in love, true love. I can feel. And that’s the foundation upon which we return to who we are as One.
Allowing ourselves space gives us opportunities to explore all of our connections and it is from this space we gain great intimacy and deeper connections not only with ourselves but with everyone else too. Thank you Henrietta.
I feel we are all learning to deepen our connection, with ourselves, another, and everyone. In the past whenever I could sense a deep connection with another, I wanted to own that and make it ‘special’ above else, and what I feel now is that it was just cementing me with an identification and attachment and it was not simple recognition and appreciation of what could have potentially be an opportunity grow deeper into One brotherhood.
Clinging on to someone and not allowing them to have relationships with others, never really works in the long run. It is essential as human beings that we feel the connection to all. It is the separation from one another and ourselves that brings us such pain. Honouring your husband as a connected human being is an awesome thing to do Henrietta. Being a connected human being does not mean we are disloyal to the partner we have a committed relationship with and communication within this relationship is essential. This is such an interesting topic and brings greater understanding to the relationships we can have.
“We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.” Yes, Henrietta, when you take everything that we put in the way of that very fact, you are left with a natural intimateness between others that has no inkling of sex or being intimate in the way that most of us know intimate to mean. Letting another in, in this way, just opens it up for true love to come through, a love that knows how to express itself so deeply from that essence but doesn’t always have to have physical intimacy to confirm it.
I agree Henrietta, we do need space to explore connections with others and this can be done by sensitively and respectfully sharing how we feel and by placing trust in one another.
Trust is such a big issue for many people, and to build that in our relationships and nurture that through open talks and not holding back will go a long way in resolving many difficulties.
When we hold ourselves in love there is a fullness we feel, and there is no need to hold onto a relationship, or expect it to fill any void in us. Love is there to be shared with all.
True love has no attachment, and it is only since building a solid loving relationship with myself that I have come to know this to be true.
We, as a society, have ideas and ideals around what a marriage relationship (or indeed any other) should look like. It is often based around the idea that your partner is the only one in the world that you would be intimate with, and in the love-making aspect of things, this is true. But true intimacy is possible with any other human being – our ability to be truly open and vulnerable in our expression with another, our willingness to truly feel and not be hard and protected. This ability to be intimate with a friend or stranger gets somehow thwarted by the ideals around marriage, and soon we get possessiveness happening, which is truly destructive.
The more our love develops with our partner the more our love develops and expands with everyone. Yes, we are only physically intimate (sleep with) one person, but certainly love and connect deeply with everyone.
It is great to have this discussion. Just because we feel a deep connection with another it doesn’t mean we want to be sexually intimate with them. This use to bring up some unease in me, especially if the other was a man who was in a relationship. Our relationships can be very evolving when we are open to exploring our connections.
Any relationship that wants to individualize, personalize and own—sometimes making the other person our special “property” is need and not love, it sends shivers down my spine just conjuring up this image. But this image is how we have largely accepted love and relationships to be in our world presently. What then is love? The awesome thing is, there is no image we can follow, we simply have to live the truth of ourselves, and with every step taken, we will discover deeper our own love through the confirmation of what is felt.
We can be absolutely committed to our chosen partner and share true loving connections with either gender. Love is our natural expression and it cannot be contained or reduced to any belief or ideal we may hold.
If a relationship stops us from living the responsibility of connection, then how true is that relationship?
I used to think I am in relationship when I had a partner, and in thinking that way I shut out the whole world—only this relationship with this one person is important, in fact, it is the most important. But love is encompassing, how could love be true if it is offered to only one person and held back from the rest of humanity? It took me a while to come back to this understanding, but when I allowed myself to feel the truth within me, I choose to express to the world as my family, because nothing feels more natural than truth.
The relationship with my partner is equally as important as the relationship I have with myself and with the whole world. This is the truth of relationships when lived.
The picture of being in an intimate and/or monogamous relationship with someone equating to therefore never feeling pulled to or connected with someone else is harming. Humanity is interconnected, if we compartmentalize relationships into individual pockets, we are choosing separation, we are choosing to be unnatural. Connection does not mean sleeping around, it means when we feel a familiarity with someone, it is wise to honor rather than ignore it.
In present day relationships, if we choose to not communicate, no space is felt. A refusal in communication, although understandable, is control and irresponsibility. It leaves the other person in limbo because of our own reaction and hurt. Without communication, grace can only be lived by one side if grace is still our choice, and the purpose of expression is to not hold back truth but without investment in how the other responds. There is always an opportunity to deepen the relationship with ourselves.
What you have shared Henrietta is allowing space for a relationship to deepen, and this is true for all relationships, with an honoring of spaciousness, grace is felt.
It’s beautiful to have a deeper connection with others whist remaining in trust with our partners. This is very honouring of everyone.
Great blog Henrietta, so often in relationship there can be a sense of ownership or entitlement that comes into partnerships. I love the openness and honesty you brought to your relationship without holding any expectation of its outcome.
When we understand and start to feel our incarnations from the many lives we have lived, it makes a whole lot more sense the deep and instant connections we feel with certain people. I use to associate these connections with the opposite sex as a sexual thing, however, now I know that this is most often not the case, but an old deep connection that I have lived and known before. It is beautiful to honour and acknowledge these connections again in this lifetime.
Henrietta, it is great reading how you both are with each other totally trusting and allowing each other to do what you feel. Obviously, there are things you would not do or would not want your partner to do. But just because say you are a man and you have a connection with another women it does not mean it has to be sexual in anyway rather it may have a purpose. I know I have at times shied away thinking what if my partner/wife thinks anything different and this is where being completely open and honest with each other is crucial.
Hello Henrietta and after I read your post I immediately thought about the relationship we have with ourselves. In other words we often look at a relationship for security or to feel a certain way, meaning it’s not really a relationship it’s more a contract or a bond. A relationship with someone or something should always start from the relationship you have with yourself. In more words don’t look for a relationship to give you something, more use it as a mirror, a reflection for you to build something with yourself equally. I love the space that you created in this example Henrietta and it showed how steady you can be if you are truly taking care of yourself. Thank you.
I have had the same experience happen in my relationship. I too was amazed at the amount of space I was able to give my husband in his relationship with another women. It definitely deepened our relationship and confirmed the amount of trust we had in our love for each other.
How beautiful Henrietta, that your love for your husband allowed you to be open with him in allowing him the space to explore his connection with this other woman. When we are truly living the love that we all are, then we have a love for all others as well. That does not mean that is necessarily a sexual attraction. When we truly love all others, of course we will at times have a feeling of connection with others, and we don’t have to know why. Allowing your husband the space to explore his feeling allowed him to discover a friendship connection with her. We can learn much through our friendships with others outside our partner relationship, who knows what this may be, but we can grow and evolve through all our relationships.
“The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role. We may not always know how this will unfold but there is a divine design that is at play.” Beautifully expressed Henrietta, and how important it is for us to explore these connections, to allow divine design to show us our next moves towards evolution.
Our relationships with our partner could actually benefit from these other connections, that the reflections and sharing with others helps us to learn and explore more about ourselves and in turn bring this to our relationship.
You can feel how allowing and accepting what you feel means that we do not deviate from the love that we are to a need that we are not.
Beautiful, Henrietta, that you were able to give your husband the space for him to explore his pull to this other woman, and in that space to discover that he had a deep friendship connection with her. Wonderful that your relationship with your husband was so solid that you were able to do that, rather than going into a hurt that he was feeling this connection. As we have all lived so many lives in the past, it is natural that we will come across people that we feel we have some connection with from time to time. And once we have established a deep trust between ourselves and our partner, then of course we can be each free to have intimate friendship relationships with others. That is part of our natural being, we are all really connected in some way, we are all one.
What I could see from your blog Henrietta was the great confirmation of the healing that connections and relationships with others bring; but also how supporting another (be they our partners or anyone) to deepen their own connection to themselves is a grand thing as they let go of more and blossom or shine to be more of who they are with us and the world. We have a responsibility to uphold honouring relationships.
I feel that the key in what you shared Henrietta, is the open communication. This way, there are no secrets and everything is understood and leaves no room for worry or for the mind to go off on its own tangent.
It is so beautiful how you felt the connection that your husband had with another woman, and instead of trying to stop it, you were open to it and acknowledged it. Some relationships are just there for the reflection or to learn from and in trying to stop them, we actually stop and get in the way of very big life lessons.
Beautiful to feel Henrietta your clarity around your own emotions and hurts, and yet not allow them to cloud your actions and connection with your husband, leaving the space open for frank, honest and open communication -and ultimately taking your relationship to a new depth of love and understanding.
Thank you Henrietta for sharing so openly your approach and experiences in your relationship with your husband. These are very helpful insights how to cherish and nourish the relationships that we have and the ones that will be.
Thank you for showing how a relationship can only but grow when we allow honesty and have the willingness to look at our hurts.
Henrietta, I too love the honesty in what you have shared here and also the space you allowed both of you, and hence your husband’s friend also. A complete honouring of all involved. This is what true love is all about, space, honouring, without attachment. I feel absolutely inspired by your sharing.
Wow another honest and open sharing on something that so many of us shy away from talking about. This is the unspoken topic in relationships – how we feel about other people – but to openly talk about it in the way you have, what a healing – what a joy to read that this does not need the big deal of secrecy and words unsaid – that every moment in a relationship is an opportunity to express and deepen that expression and be honest with one another about what comes up and what we feel.
How sad and trapped we become when we make life about a ‘special one’, for as you say Henrietta there actually need not be any barriers to Love. Your words make me consider how I can actually ‘cheat’ on myself, by being distracted by a million different things, instead of being super present and ‘there’ for me in every moment. So naturally when I am in this mode, my interest in other people can become needy and clingy. So true infidelity really starts with me, and should not be confused with the awesome connection we all share.
True love is to support others in their path of evolution. Every relationship has to be about evolution if not it is holding us small as we are relating from a need and not from our fullness.
Well said, Rachel. The purpose of relationship is to constantly learn and expand our love, not to settle for what ticks all (or even some) of our boxes and stop there.
I have loved your series on relationships, Henrietta. It has raised some really important questions and topics. As a man it took a long time for me to shed the idea that friendship with women means that a sexual relationship is always hanging in the air, even if just as a possibility. This attitude is so limiting to what a true friendship can be, and having worked to free myself from that trap has meant that my friendships are truer and deeper.
I love what you have shared here, Henrietta. Relationships are never about ownership although I have acted as though they were in the past. I now know that allowing another person to connect more deeply with another person whether it be male or female can only add to a trusting relationship. On the other hand jealousy can destroy such a relationship.
I know of this feeling of an old and deep connection, it can be instantly there and super joyful and at times confusing. I had to learn that this can be there with a man without it meaning he should be my partner, just as it would not be with a woman. There is always purpose in those we meet and it is in fact beautiful to explore what this purpose is.
There is this saying ‘if you love someone set them free’ that in a way is true as true love does not bind or hold ownership. To be absolutely open and provide space to explore will be the most supportive to finding what is true and what is not. Life and love is not about staying together with your partner, it is about growing and evolving together in the expression of true love.
There is a great wrong in having made intimacy about our partners only, as we are designed to be intimate with all. This is not on a physical level but about not holding back all of us, about sharing our fragility, sensitivity and tenderness with all and about being able to love and express this love to all equally, even if in different forms.
This has deeply resonated with me and I feel a release from the shackles of an old, stubborn, long-held belief that if we are in a committed relationship with another, we should be all things to that person – that they have no need of another. This has created jealousy and insecurity when my partners have had a connection with another,or gone to them for counsel etc. In more recent years I have let much of this belief go, however in reading this blog I got to feel where I am still holding on to it and just how anti-evolutionary it is. To understand that if we feel a deep connection with someone, it is to be honoured and opened to for the healing and evolution on offer is beautiful. I’m in awe of your response to this happening in your relationship Henrietta. It’s both humbling and inspiring to feel your commitment to love (evolution) first, even if that meant the ending of your marriage. Thank you.
Henrietta, reading your article has left me pondering on how there are continually deep connections with people in our lives, and how if not aware, more can be read into them than what they truly present.
It’s lovely to read of how open, caring and loving you are in your relationship with everything that comes up, including the deep connection your husband had with another woman. This feels so honouring to allow (rather than standing in the way) to see what was there as an opportunity for everyone to grow. This seems progressive to me but only because of the beliefs and ideals I’ve had and placed on relationships in the past and what connection and intimacy were. Somewhere along the line I muddled these up as something sexual. Clearly understanding now what they are, I know this is the way we can all be in relationships but in society often are not leading to issues and complication where there need be none. Thank you for sharing Henrietta.
Absolutely agree with your statement and I guess we all know this deep inside, at least I do; The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role. We may not always know how this will unfold but there is a divine design that is at play.
‘We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.’ Your understanding and the space you were able to give your husband is truly inspirational and it gives a clear indication of how you are with your self, there was no need in you to hold on to your husband but only love to let unfold what was there at that moment, beautiful and truly inspirational to read.
It is truly beautiful the honesty and openness in which you are sharing your relationship with us. It is much appreciated.
True connections are just that, true. Honouring these connections are important as, yes, they do offer us healing simply from the truth that they come with.
Thank you , It has been very confusing to me to have an attraction to another woman, but to be totally commited to the one I am with. I felt like I could not express how I was feeling . I understand now that connection is more than I thought. With practice of speaking my truth it totally changes all the feelings I was feeling. Thank you Serge Benhayon and Bina Pattel for supporting me to not hold back and just be me!
Henrietta I appreciate your honesty and openness regarding relationships. Allowing each other to have deep and intimate connections with others feels like a natural way to be with each other, though I can imagine that it may not always be a comfortable situation.
Superb Henrietta,
Keep writing your blogs they are relationship paradigm breaking masterpieces. It is a real pleasure to read them, as nowhere else in the world can I read such accurate and raw pieces that go to the root of such common issues of transparency that many couples experience.
Hear hear – great expression Luke and so true, a ‘ relationship paradigm breaking masterpiece’.
Life is about relationship with others – it is as simple as that. Being in relationship with others in whatever form it takes is an offering to get to know ourselves more deeply and to expand the light we are. Society has a picture of life being about the accumulation of objects, money and acclaim. Holding this picture means many are missing out on the most amazing gift that intimate and honest connection with others can bring. Thank you Henrietta for the opportunity to explore more deeply our interaction with others and all that it offers.
Thank you for this Henrietta, I had a similar situation once and addressed it much as you did. I also found that not hard to do as I could feel then that honesty was far preferable even if I were to be hurt, than living in a lie.
“The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role. We may not always know how this will unfold but there is a divine design that is at play.” This is beautiful what you share and great to have this awareness.
Yes I love this so much too – what an awesome realisation and one that will make such a difference when we can embrace this in full.
Henrietta – what a great blog exploring how it is Ok to have a deep connection with another whilst in a marriage when there is open communication and trust in each other. Very inspiring.
This is so totally inspiring to read. There can be such a tension in fighting connections we might feel with others because we do not want to hurt our partners. Seeing it with purpose, that relationships have purpose and that this purpose to evolve in life is the most important thing there is. And also that it does not always mean that we are not with the right partner to live in partnership with. This brings openness and space into reading what is really there on offer instead of running away in fear of having to end a relationship.
Super blog Henrietta. What wonderful courage you had to open up a conversation with your husband about this friendship, in the stance of true exploration not of condemnation or reaction, even though you could feel hurt around the whole thing. Not a lot of people are yet strong or able enough to take this route. You are an inspiration and pioneer in this way of relationship.
Communication is so so important in any relationship and especially with our partner. Communication can be the bridge to deepen the relationship further with more understanding and love, just as it can be the hindrance when we have to share what is not fully expressed.
Just so Joshua, communication and expression is the key in all relationships.
Deeply Beautiful Henrietta. You are a woman after my own heart! What you describe here has always been the way I was with my ex-husband, many years ago now. It always felt important to allow true intimacy that occurs between people that is also honouring of the relationship that we have together as husband and wife. It makes so much sense.
This is an absolutely ground breaking sharing Henrietta. In the past I believed the sharing all of yourself (feelings etc) with someone of the opposite sex other than your partner was akin to infidelity. Now I see that infidelity occurrs when you are seeking relief from your own relationship by falsely ‘propping yourself up’ with attention from another. A true connection can only be based on pure love and when this is honoured we are all blessed.
It is very traumatising to have a jealous partner – a bit like a permanent threat over your head – and makes it much harder to relate to people. It took me quite a while to adjust when my partner wasn’t jealous. Good that you are bringing this up.
“I feel it is important to encourage and allow ourselves and our partners the space to explore the connections we feel with others, always with absolute regard, whilst still holding an honesty in communication about any hurts that come up around this.”
This is very important Henrietta. It is easy to say yes that’s fine to many things without exploring or going deeper within about how or what this may bring up or mean to ourselves. When we take the time to express how we feel, we are truly allowing others to follow their path without the possibility of our issues standing in their way at a later date.
This is a great topic as it brings up so much about the importance of communicating with each other within our relationships and giving each other the space to explore these connections we have with others.
Communication is so important and expressing what is. In communication lies so much possibility and if we are not fearful but trusting no matter what, then our connections have all the opportunities to deepen and strengthen.
So beautiful Henrietta, there is so much you have offered here. The level of respect and honesty for your husband is deeply felt, plus you having the respect for yourself also, to not go into your hurts, protection, jealousy, really amazing as they are the normal feelings that present in these situations for the most part. So what you have shared is ground breaking in how to honour yourself, your partner and allow what needs to unfold to do just that. Very inspiring.
A powerful and inspiring blog Henrietta bringing further awareness and understanding to the expansion possible in all relationships, including ourselves.
So true, and if these relationships are founded in love and trust, evolution for all is the one thing that can then follow.
Henrietta your sharing is something I see as admirable. To be in a relationship and still be able to see deeper than the usual fear of loss when that partner expresses a deep regard for another. This is something I feel makes sense to me now , having learnt so much through the Presentations of Serge Benhayon , but certainly when I was facing a broken relationship many years ago would not have. Thank you for your sharing and your wisdom.
Yes Roslyn, in reading your comment it struck me how Henrietta had/has no need or expectations. Very open and loving to all.
“We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.” To be free to develop relationships with others – without neediness of a current partner – a sign of emotional maturity and trust. A beautiful sharing – thankyou Henrietta.
This is quite a stark difference to the ways in which we en mass relate to one another with a sense of need or trying to hold onto the other person. To be so open and willing to communicate in such a way is awesome to read about, that we are not limited in who we are able to connect to and believing that we can only connect with one other person restricts us from connecting on even more levels. Thank you Henrietta.
Well said Leigh, I concur fully.
It is amazing in a relationship to give one another the space to deepen a relationship with somebody else as it doesn’t need to be sexual but just part of a personal evolution which can often make the couple stronger.
It is very important to develop and deepen relationships based on mutual trust and respect outside a partnership – it can enrich and evolve partners immensely, as there is so much more that can be shared with all.
How healing, freeing and mature it was for you to speak with your husband about this relationship and give him space to feel this for himself .. there was no imposition from your part which is probably why you didn’t find this hard, the space you gave your husband was being reflected back to you. I love what you shared here ‘But what I gained a greater understanding of, is that the deep and often old and familiar connections that we may come across with another help us grow and deepen our relationship with ourselves and hence each other. We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others. I do not mean we get to sleep around, but that we can honour the fact that there is a connection and a meaning to those particular relationships outside of our husband/wife relationship – ones that allow an honesty to unfold, a sharing with no holes barred, a sharing of the love that we are.’ Beautifull
For too long we have associated intimacy with sex,or sexual attraction. This is especially so for men, and perhaps it is so because as men the only time we tend to allow ourselves to be intimate with another is in a sexual way. In today’s society, however, I would venture that this is similar for many women. It makes sense then when we are drawn into relationship with another woman or man who is not our partner that is calling us to be intimate, we get confused in how we feel. Thoughts creep in “I love this person”, “I feel something deep for this person”, and we start to compare such beauty to the stagnant nature of our own relationship, not realising that such a call to intimacy is actually calling us to be more intimate with all of life, including a deeper connection with our own relationship.
Rather than see it this way, all too often we start to question our current relationship. Sometimes that can be a true impulse, but all too often it is just that we fall for the illusion of thinking that the grass is greener on the other side – without realising that the reason that it is so is because we have poisoned our own backyard in the first place. So of course it is brown by compare.
Henrietta, it is very gorgeous to read how honest you are with your husband – I love that you say how you are feeling in this way, this is very inspiring for me, ‘holding an honesty in communication about any hurts that come up around this.’
Henrietta growing up I understood that you treated your partner and family one way, and all others a different way. How wrong was I. Today as you’ve shared I understand the difference between connection and attraction, something that at one point I thought was the same. That is just one thing I’ve learnt being a Student of the Way of the Livingness. The second key point here is that Love can’t be just for one person, it is for all, we can’t treat our partner with love and others without Love. It sounds silly but how much of the world is setup back to front? I feel that if we were to be more open with everyone, we would have great connections with anyone and infidelity would be a word of the past.
You make a great point here David – all too often we are taught that your treat your own family differently to friends and acquaintances. Though there was some of this to a degree when I was growing up, I still found it very beautiful to see my mother break out of this societal way of being and treat many strangers as part of our family. It was common for us to have ‘orphans’ for Christmas (people who we did not really know that well and who were alone for Christmas, with no family around), or various situations where people we did not know joined our family for a short while. The openness of heart is what really mattered – about letting people in, not judging, about not having favourites and about loving all equally, of course with no perfection here being asked. And of course it is for us to learn to live this on deeper levels, knowing that love is not just for one person for it is for all.
We can feel when we have a deep connection with someone, there is an instant knowing and ease with the person, but that does not mean we have to leave a relationship to be with them. I loved the way you allowed your husband the space to openly explore what he felt Henrietta, without the pressure of jealousy or your hurts dominating the situation. Being open to the divine design, and allowing this to unfold takes away the neediness we can sometimes feel when we think we might be losing someone.
Henrietta, thank you for exploring the difference between attraction and deep connection. This is an important subject to share, one that is rarely spoken about and often leads to relationship tensions and even separation, if not fully understood and communicated. Your willingness to communicate honestly with your husband about the other person and understand what the relationship meant to him is testimony of your inner strength and knowing. Rather than compare, judge or descend into jealousy, you chose love and understanding, and by doing so deepened your relationship with your husband as well.
By not speaking up in a relationship or anything we feel and do not express the mind just has a field day. The emotions are added to the dish the brain is cooking up until the pot boils over. To be accused of something we have not done and can’t disprove to their satisfaction… can be an open invitation to do what we have are being falsely accused of, that just causes the downward spiral to continue.
I feel this is a really significant topic for the deepening and enhancing of a relationship that you raise here Henrietta. I used to be a person who felt very insecure in relationships if my partner was intimate with another. However, since addressing my own emptiness the insecurity has dropped away and I came to realise that the real distrust had been in myself, and not in the other, as I used to find it very confusing to feel a strong connection with another outside the relationship yet not wanting to threaten the relationship. Through developing a true and loving relationship with myself I now trust myself and am able to be open others rather than just to my partner. This has been a great healing, greatly changing my relationships as not only am I now able to have deep and close relationships with anyone if it is mutually felt without threatening the relationship but also it is a great joy to feel my wife and close friends also sharing their love. As you say, “It is not for us to hide this beauty from others and only save it for our family at home.”
The easiest way to end a dear close friendship is with sex! There is also ripples in the pond with this infidelity that affects more than the two that crossed the line. By being open about close friendships, we can remove completely the chances of the opportunity to cross the line, to never be a choice.
When we choose to marry and have an intimate relationship with someone it is because we have felt a deep connection with them and make a commitment to each other. These feelings do not suddenly cease on signing the register and we are still free to develop deep friendships with others.
Henrietta, I love how open and honest you were with your husband about what was occurring. This is true love. Love does not try and control another person but seeks to understand as you did.
“The connections we feel with others are not random, they have a purpose” – often I can feel the potential when meeting someone else…. the potential of what if we were to do something together. The potential is felt in a unique quality that this person in particular seems to draw out of me, and the more I explore this potential with others the more gold I feel in myself, and can share with the world.
This is an example of unconditional all-encompassing love, beautiful Henrietta.
I love this, Henrietta. You never know what the next person you meet is going to bring to your life. If we are all from the same divine source, then there are going to be endless constellations in relationship that can provide something very powerful to bring to the world, reminding us of where we come from. To limit our intimate relationships to our partner and immediate family robs us all of the endless potential to expand and co-create. What I am inspired by is how you created space for your partner to be more.
I feel very inspired that you opened up this conversation with your husband. Guarding what we hold so dear doesn’t work, as love is made to be expressed, and that doesn’t come in any form of ideal.
A great sharing Henrietta! Sometimes parters can feel jealous or insecure when their partner is connected with another. If we loved fully and didn’t have any ideals, or images about what our relationship should be then it is quite possible to see that love has no bounds and cant be restricted to two people.
There is a vast difference between allowing space for a friendship to be nurtured between a partner and their friend and having a stranglehold on our relationship for fear of losing our partner. One comes from love, the other from need.
What you have shared here Henrietta is so honouring of your husband and of your relationship. I can feel the beautiful allowing and sense of space that was offered.
You have made a very good point here Henrietta about the distinction between connection and attraction. This is something that I have pondered on a lot. Connection is not something that we should shy away from or feel guilty for, after all connection is the name of the game that will lead us back to Heaven. It also offers us the opportunity for us to deal with any undealt hurts that get in the way of our true connection.
Henrietta thank you for sharing with so much honesty and openness. If we ignore a true and felt connection with a person whether that be of the same sex or the opposite sex, we are missing a divine constellation from which God can speak and works through us. When we see our relationships about evolution for the All and not just about us as individuals it becomes easier to get ourselves out of the way and allow for true relationship with many.
“At the time it was not clear to me if this was a connection or an attraction, so I opened up the conversation with my husband. I voiced my concerns in full honesty, but I also felt so deeply within me that I needed to give him the space to explore this connection.” this was amazing to read. Its quite true that relationships offer so much to people- learning and finding out different things. It seems when there is communication and intimacy in a relationship, conversations such as this are easier to have. There’s no deception just honesty around whats going on. Its great to be able to have a solidness in yourself to know either way that its okay.
Henrietta, this is really quite amazing to read. No jealousy, neediness or control.. it’s quite a different approach to what I’ve known to happen and unfold in other relationships. Talk about a new way to go about things. Amazing.
Henrietta I applaud you sharing this story, it shows many amazing qualities both in yourself, your husband and the real foundation your relationship is based on. It is a rare person who can give a partner this sort of ‘space’ without feeling themselves crumble with feelings of not being enough or rejection. Your own sense of self and self worth is very evident in being able to offer this, and how beautiful to know the man you are with chooses to be with you without obligation.
It is an absolute myth and lie that we can not equally Love others as we Love our partners or families.
Love has no such distinction nor boundary – it is man who seeks to reduce Love and to fit it into an image of our making.
You raise many interesting observations in this blog for us to consider – thank you for sharing your experience.
It is true that we do not own another or their choices, be that our partner or our children and there exists free-will to live our lives as we choose.
There is great acceptance in allowing another to be with their choices and for us to take responsibility for our own.
Allowing space in our intimate relation and to not guard ourselves for being hurt in those, we let go of old held beliefs what an intimate relation should look like as for instance we see in the the vow ‘until death do us part’ that is generally used in Christian marriages.
Yes Nico, this relationship that Henrietta describes feels so expansive.
We, the many Sons of God that walk the Earth, are divinely designed to be One in the most truest sense. We have all met each other before and so it is we will keep meeting until such a time that there exists no wall between us, save for the boundary of our flesh. And even this physical form, when infused with the love and light of the Soul, is pure Heaven made manifest. As we are each the equal Sons of God and Brothers to each other, we can never not be connected, we can only pretend that we are not.
Liane – these comments are so beautiful. I love how you express and how the words flow and how the message is there for everyone, a message that uplifts and allows for appreciation and growth!
This line is pure revelation: “We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.” …as is this whole blog. Henrietta, I am in awe of the honesty with which you were able to approach this situation and then share your awareness so publicly with us all. It is a case-in-point about how greater transparency allows for true intimacy. It is by honouring such love that we are better able to dismantle the walls we have erected between each other that in-truth do not even exist. We simply create them to hide behind, scared of being hurt when really it is the separation from each other and hence from the love that we are that hurts us so. Love never hurts, but disconnecting from it is our greatest pain. Thus, you have shown us there is a way to be love but not own it. That is, we can love another purely and simply with no need for that be anything other than the everything it is. Thankyou.
Thank you Henrietta for yet again opening and exploring the depth of relationship we can have with ourselves and with others.