I recently reflected on my experience of relationships and how in a couple, both people can feel if there is the ‘pull’ of infidelity, and how this can act as a distraction to an otherwise beautiful relationship we might already be in. However this also made me consider the opposite – what if we encounter another person and feel there is a connection with them that is not of a sexual kind; one that is possibly a deep old connection?
Years ago, my husband met a friend (a woman) to whom he had a strong connection. This could easily have been confused with attraction, but it felt like a strong and old connection, possibly older than this life.
At the time it was not clear to me if this was a connection or an attraction, so I opened up the conversation with my husband. I voiced my concerns in full honesty, but I also felt so deeply within me that I needed to give him the space to explore this connection. Even if this meant that he would choose to be with this other woman, I knew it was not about me ‘standing in his way’ – and I said this to him: I told him I loved him deeply, but that if he felt that this was the person he wanted to be with, I would not hold it against him.
Strangely, this was not that hard for me to do, even though it hurt to feel that I might be ‘left’ by my husband. The thought of no longer being with him hurt me, but more deeply still I knew that if this was his choice I would support him and this feeling was stronger than the hurt I felt within.
Further to this, I have always had an understanding deep within that there are certain relationships or connections with people that are very important to honour and we need to allow them the space to blossom.
But what I gained a greater understanding of, is that the deep and often old and familiar connections that we may come across with another help us grow and deepen our relationship with ourselves and hence each other. We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.
I do not mean we get to sleep around, but that we can honour the fact that there is a connection and a meaning to those particular relationships outside of our husband/wife relationship – ones that allow an honesty to unfold, a sharing with no holds barred, a sharing of the love that we are.
It is not for us to hide this beauty from others and only save it for our family at home – it is about sharing this beauty that we are with all around us and honouring those particular relationships that we know have deeply established roots of trust and love.
My husband felt that the relationship with this other woman was a dear friendship. He clearly expressed this to me but also felt deeply regarded in being given the space. By my offering him space, it also allowed our trust with each other to deepen and it was a confirmation for us both about being together as a couple.
Hence, I feel it is important to encourage and allow ourselves and our partners the space to explore the connections we feel with others, always with absolute regard, whilst still holding an honesty in communication about any hurts that come up around this.
The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role. We may not always know how this will unfold but there is a divine design that is at play.
Published with the permission of my husband.
By Henrietta Chang
Further Reading:
The Simplicity of True Expression: Inspired by Serge Benhayon
Sexual Energy – What is it?
Infidelity a Distraction from our Pot of Gold
508 Comments
How loving that you were able to give your husband the space to explore whatever is coming up. And how we can love multiple people – we can be open with everyone but of course we have a single partner who we are intimate with. And as is shared here, there is never a random connection which is so cool to understand. Connections always carry a purpose.
I’ve recently been experiencing this as I have recently met someone at work who wants to be friends. Nothing dramatic or sinister about being friends right? but in my mind there’s been this panic that I can’t have any male friends if I have a boyfriend, which sounds really silly but none the less I have bought into this belief at some point. What this has got me wondering is what is the potential in being open with more than just one other person? What I love about reading this blog is that open communication with your husband to share what your feelings and I know when I do the same it cuts all the hiding games and secret keeping and crazy thoughts that cloud all relationships.
“The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role.” this is so true thank you Henrietta, The connections I have at work, people I meet on the street all those interactions during the day are what makes life so magical.
Thank you Henrietta. A beautiful sharing of trust and commitment to true relationships.
Henrietta this is a great topic, building trust in relationships and accepting our partner having friendships with the opposite gender. There can be so many unwritten rules that are simply not necessary. It’s also a good point to allow people to make their own choices and to respect the fact that the love we can hold another in is always greater than any hurts that come up.
Henrietta I thank you for a topic we don’t often discuss. I would say that I agree there are some relationships that come from the past that are important for our learning in this lifetime. I would say trust plays a big part in this also.
Pretty Awesome Henrietta. I can imagine this notion would not sit well for many couples. What I love about it is the fact that if we can be at peace with the flow of life and how it chops and changes all the time, then we don’t set up ourselves up to be hurt by others all the time. When we can accept that it’s ok to experience deep connections with people other than our partners, then we get a chance to go even deeper with the person we’ve chosen to be with, because we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and open rather than protected and closed off.
Beautiful Henrietta, very inspirational to see how you allowed yourself to surrender and trust when we are feeling to do something that is love even though our mind is protesting and saying that we loose the battle in the fields (“so the speak”). Amazing example of how true love works. It leaves everyone free to choose and is absolutely coming with understanding, which is so needed. Thank you again for sharing the absolute way!
This blog has made me realise how many potentially amazing relationships have been sabotaged because of inability for one person or both in the relationship to not go there and deal with there issues and really appreciate what they have already got.
It is interesting that these old and deep connections may get passed over purely because we mistake them for attraction. If we are in a relationship, these feeling may become uncomfortable. Or if we feel that way about someone else who is in a relationship. I love this blog because it takes away all that mislabelling.
There was no jealousy here! No comparison. You were honest with how you felt and expressed this with your husband. You moved your feelings out of the way even though you could have easily felt hurt and made it about Love first, this is awesome. The result …. your connection, intimacy and relationship deepened. This is a lesson for us all ✨
Wow what an amazing relationship you have with your husband – so honest and by today’s standards, unusual. You can’t imagine the average couple having the type of conversation you two had. I’ve often felt a deep and old connection with people, with both men and women – and allowing myself space to appreciate that fact is awesome.
Gosh we can get so twisted with what the true meaning of love is. We think it is to always be loyal, be faithful and be ticking all the social boxes in what ever way that means in a relationship. It is not that at all and in fact giving someone the space, understanding, time and care do make their own choices is exactly what love is all about. This is where true friendship and equality can be found in any relationship.
” I feel it is important to encourage and allow ourselves and our partners the space to explore the connections we feel with others, always with absolute regard, whilst still holding an honesty in communication about any hurts that come up around this.” I absolutely agree, this allows us to be open and richer in our relationships with everyone and as you say it deepens the relationship with you partner as this deepens the trust.
Allowing another to take responsibility for the choices they make in the knowing that we don’t own another no matter what your relationship is with them.
There is such power and beauty in intimate relationships where there is a deep connection, it is almost a crime to have that tainted by a partner’s jealousy or insecurities – how gorgeous that you offered him the space to honour the connection he had with another in absolute trust. This is how it should be when we don’t allow our hurts to get in the way.
A beautiful sharing Henrietta, thank you for sharing your experiences and your wisdom. It is indeed a blessing, for both people, to allow, understand and appreciate the choices of another.
Communication and transparency are vital in relationships as you have so beautifully expressed Henrietta.
This is a great example of where the two people in a relationship, in this case a marriage, do not try to own or control each other, yet simply are very honest with each other and create a situation where anything can be discussed rather than hidden or put into the ‘don’t go there’ category. I love how your commitment to each other has only been strengthened by both of you being willing to go there, in full, totally open and ready to deal with anything that comes from it too.
I love how you didn’t try to control him, and because of the freedom you allowed, you were honoured and respected by your husband. He had already chosen you, and your awesome self awareness, and lack of seething jealousy allowed him to confirm that choice- YOU.
It’s possible to have a deep connection with anybody, but this doesn’t mean that it is always something that can become an affair or a relationship. A connection can be in a moment and feel very beautiful for that moment…and that’s it.
Henrietta, this is an inspiring example of what a true relationship is, making our relationship and our life one of evolution.
There is such deep respect and regard held here for each other that allows a spaciousness to emerge which ultimately holds everyone. Simply and powerfully beautiful Henrietta.
Beautiful Henrietta, your blog shows the love that is there in a true relationship, seeing that all have a purpose, not standing in the way is evolving for us all.
Your honesty stands out Henrietta – absolute honesty in relationships is a real game changer.
Yes, that exclusivity that we go on with in relationships, smacks of need and investment in the other. Understanding what true intimacy truly means and how we can actually have it with a member of the opposite sex even if we are in an intimate relationship, totally brings it back to our own love and the absolute responsibility we must hold with every relationship we have, to keep coming back to our love and be that love in motion, so that no imposter can enter and try to run us.
Understanding that the deep connection we can feel to those people that we meet in our lives can be for a number of different reasons means that we do not always have to feel that it is because they should be in a relationship in that way. It is possibly that too comes out of a held belief that a relationship of this kind results from this feeling.
It can be somewhat scary when we support our partner to acknowledge feelings for another, as you share Henrietta, and for all the reasons you also share, however, by in so doing, so much is gained. Not only “By my offering him space, it also allowed our trust with each other to deepen and it was a confirmation for us both about being together as a couple” it also deepens our ability to be inclusive in our love for everyone.
“The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role. We may not always know how this will unfold but there is a divine design that is at play.” I completely agree, there is a divine design at play.
This is very refreshing Henrietta and includes the True meaning of the word Love. Giving each other Space is so important. In my experience I know that I have grown so much by others holding me in Love and giving me the Space to grow and develop at the pace I’m ready for.
Great blog Henrietta we have to trust ourselves and each other as we make deeper connections with people and as we do our own relationship grows at the same time.
Wow just how much we slash and burn, cut and corden ourselves off from other people, where affection and connection may be ‘misinterpreted’. As soon as there is the slightest hint or whiff of things being awkward or intimate in some way our habit seems to be to withdraw. But what if we brought more delicacy, more understanding, and vulnerability to the table, and used these moments to deepen our relationships instead of pulling them apart? Perhaps then we would see as you say Henrietta, that these doubts and ‘issues’ first come in because of the power that is there when we live together from our hearts.
This is so inspiring Henrietta. When we are able to let go of our need for another in any relationship we may have, it opens the way for amazing and unexpected things to happen. By getting lost in a relationship and being totally dependant on another only leads to disappointment and loss if it does not turn out how you had hoped it would.
I love this Henrietta – to feel that life is not a hit and miss affair, but there is always a purpose in constellations throughout our life that bring connections and opportunities to evolve.
“The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role. We may not always know how this will unfold but there is a divine design that is at play.”
In relationships there is a definite push to ‘need’ the other person and hence the attachment to them being in our lives and the potential fear that they could leave for another person. But this is never a true relationship. I know for a fact that the truest relationship and the most love-filled and amazing comes from the openness to not needing the other in your life but choosing to be with them in full to share all of you with them.
I just came back to read this Henrietta, what an honesty you bring here and a trust not only in your husband but with yourself. To acknowledge there are relationships that come into our lives that can be for many reasons, that each has a reason and an opportunity to explore. Very inspiring, thank you.
When we hold evolution as our true purpose in this life, we are open to understanding that nothing is random and everything is designed to call us to return to Love, to return to our connection to Soul. It is only us that place obstacles of resistance in the way of releasing all that we are, for we are already absolute Love and we are simply returning to unite with our Soul.
This is such is beautiful honoring of how in truth we are all connected and all have something to learn, heal the unresolved, be inspired by and essentially explore Love with whoever comes into our lives. The gift of Love that awaits to be opened lies in the heart of each and every one of us offering us all an opportunity to deepen our connection to the Love we are.
Thank you, Henrietta. As we are constantly evolving, it makes sense that there will always be constellations in relationship to offer us the next level of awareness. And it is important as well, to honour the process of deepening the love that we share with another, when we commit to a long term relationship. There is so much for us to learn from each other every day.
Honesty is one of the most beautiful and fundamental foundation stones in our relationships and I know that true honesty can only develop as I let myself be really honest in my relationship with me.
Yes, there is something fundamental in that. If we can be honest about why we are in a relationship then it offers a freedom to the people we are in relationship with because we are not asking them or expecting them to ‘fix’ us in any way. It is a mutual respect.