Sounds cold and reptilian doesn’t it . . . ?
Well it was. That was me. I had built my life around being the perfect fit-in chameleon. It was like I could smell how people felt and what they needed and wanted, and I would adapt myself to fit that picture. I did it with different groups of friends and in relationships I would mould myself as the perfect girlfriend and fit to what I thought was needed.
I would use this talent in bed as well, to make sex amazing for my partners, as I instinctively knew what they liked. However, I would then be left feeling the emptiness of the lack of connection and then resent my partner and the relationship.
My relationships would only last about 3 to 6 months. I would get over playing the role and I would start to feel that something was missing here: I was missing just being me! All the “I love you’s” I had said and the care I had shown was empty, as it was never really me. I had been living with that emptiness within my relationships for so long, with partners and in friendships alike.
I didn’t know who I was anymore: I was interchanging so much I had no memory of me and what it was like to just be me.
Through a friend I met an amazing woman, Natalie Benhayon, who has continued to be a true role model for me. I began attending healing sessions with Natalie and found working with her was supporting me to come back to re-connecting with myself after all these years. I was receiving bodywork regularly, but even just simply talking honestly about how I was feeling as a woman helped me discover more of who I really am . . . beneath the Chameleon.
As I have learnt to build trust in myself and to open up and share not only with Natalie but with many other close friends on a deep level, I have developed and grown to be my own woman, something I had long left behind.
Now I have been re-finding me, getting to know myself deeply, not in the fluffy spiritual sense, but in a simple ways, like:
- Taking myself on lots of first dates
- Finding out what I like to eat
- Discovering what places I like to go to
- Exploring what perfumes I like to wear
- Learning what music I really like
- Discovering how I laugh and smile for me, not for everyone else.
Just being me is like finding the rainbow complete with the pot of gold at the end. I have found the Holy Grail . . . the familiar feeling of running into an old friend, Me!! I now have a sense of not needing to look outside of me anymore to make myself feel loved.
I am enjoying the imperfect and sometimes wobbly process of my rebuilding, looking back at where I was and where I am now and where I will be. I cannot help but smile when I look at how far I have come. I am looking forward to the next steps – like a gardener who keeps adding to and maintaining the beautiful space that has been created.
The beautiful, tender, delicate and super scrumptious woman I am has been hidden under that yucky self-made reptilian chameleon coat for too long. Inspired by Natalie Benhayon’s example, I have realised that I can uncover the real me by simply re-connecting deeply with myself and the woman I truly am.
I have found enjoyment in the small things, like asking myself what I want to eat and cooking yummy foods, taking time in the mornings and not rushing out the door, spending those small moments appreciating who is looking back at me in the mirror. This has been a world of discovery, seeing my beautiful playful face in the mirror and enjoying me.
It has really been great to meet people when I am feeling so amazing and to have them light up when they spend time with me, as me . . . My relationships with others have changed, I am more open to enjoying another person’s company with ease as I now have the confidence to just be me.
Over the past few years Natalie Benhayon has been a true inspiration and role model of how to be a real woman. Her strength and powerful emanation of a woman is something I know I also have equally, but over the years had forgotten. The more I connect to the true me, the more I can feel the old falling away and the true me beaming through. As I live from this I can see all women have the same innate tenderness, power and strength; it has just been forgotten and buried under the ideals of what we believe society wants us to be.
By Nicole Wise, Student, Northern Rivers
Further Reading:
What Happens When You Meet Natalie Benhayon?
What Defines a True Woman? – Returning to Be-You-Ty
622 Comments
I so love what you have shared Nicole. I can relate to being a chameleon. I realised a few years ago that I could not bring all of my friends together as they all knew me for being someone other than I was, and all different. I would not know which one to be if all my friends were there together as I would mould into what was acceptable in each circumstance.
Oh Heidi, I so know this feeling. I remember never celebrating my birthdays with large groups because of this chameleon dis-ease. Exactly how you’ve said it, I wouldn’t know who to be and I didn’t want to be outed as a liar! That’s what it felt like for me, lying to all these people because none of them actually knew who I was. I’m sure they could feel my essence and that’s what they were actually in love with, but the layers I put on top kept me from feeling the truth, that my friends from different groups all had one thing in common, they loved me. I think I just healed something.
Hey, i know that suit, it suited me for a long time! Whenever i was suited up it meant i didn’t have to share or shine the ALL of me. I wore that suit for so long that I forgot the innermost of who i am because i had been too busy fronting up in my suits! Fortunately I chose with the support of Universal Medicine to get rid of the suit and now my own true style totally rocks!
This is an awesome blog in exposing what we do to ourselves when we live disconnected to who we truly are. I can so relate to what you share Nicole and know that I have not lived the whole, real me and have a kept a big part of myself hidden and protected. I too can relate to playing roles and identifying with them, patting myself on my back for doing it because in my emptiness it felt like I was achieving something and was being believed in what I was presenting. However, as you say, the falsity in this and the emptiness would always be there and be felt, becoming even more resentful and unhappy, which I tried to keep hidden and buried. In most peoples eyes I looked like I was doing well, but underneath I knew this was not the case. Simply being all of me did not occur to me because there was a deep belief that this was not enough. Since meeting the Benhayons I have learned that not only am I more than enough I am in fact pretty awesome! My daily commitment is to let go of what I have taken on so that I can live and love more fully with all that I am!
A beautiful reawakening of yourself as the gorgeous woman that you are, Nicole. To find our true self and to share this with the world is such a gift for all. Thank you.
I find that’s the fun part too Nicole- getting to know what you do and don’t like rather then going off what you think other people want of you. Natalie is an amazing woman, just talking with her is fantastic. Even being in the same room as her is inspirational.
I can so relate to feeling like you have found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow after working with an Esoteric Practitioner and building that re-connection to self… I can also relate to the chameleon approach to life, mastering how to fit in rather than just being me in all that I do. Great article Nicole, thank you.
A most delightful blog Nicole. I loved reading about your transformation from the chameleon, peeling backs those layers of protection that were not really you, to re-discover the beautiful woman you always were. These words made me smile: “Just being me is like finding the rainbow complete with the pot of gold at the end.” – Nicole, you are both the rainbow and the pot of gold!
Rod Harvey you have depicted very clearly just how far reaching one’s reflection of presenting the Real ‘Me’ can be — imagine what the world would be like if others followed your example to shed their Chameleon coats and strip back to the bare based bones of being who they truly are. True relationships would flourish, mental illness would dramatically reduce, people would be healthier and have more vitality and joy…and that’s just for starters. Why wouldn’t we choose to share this reflection of us ‘naked’ — no chameleon coat put on to mask us or to dull our ‘inner sparkle’.
Ruth I love your reference to being ‘naked’ and revealing our own unique expression. We have strayed far from appreciating, accepting and celebrating the beauty of our nakedness and then supporting ourselves and each other to work together by using each of our strengths and abilities to build a world of love and harmony.
I agree that it is an amazing process to rediscover what I really like rather than what I have been told to like and gone along with without really questioning if it feels right for me or not. It is shocking sometimes how strong the pull is to fit in and to do what will get me liked or accepted or recognised rather than what feels true to me. However it does feel amazing to honour myself by being completely honest with myself about how every aspect of my life actually truly feels in my body. Thanks Nicole for your inspiring and honest blog.
I agree Andrew – to allow myself to rediscover what is natural and supportive for me and my body, is an amazing process. One that is forever developing.
I too lived life a chameleon, and was actually pretty proud of the way I could change to whatever I felt someone else wanted me to be! Not only is this entirely disregarding of oneself, it’s actually a incredibly manipulative way to live. By reading other people so well and changing myself to fill their needs, they were in fact being tricked and manipulated into what I needed them to be for me – I needed to be needed. As you say Nicole, this is an exhausting and confusing way to live – we end up not knowing who we are, which in my case resulted in a feeling of desolation and desperation. Where do you start when you haven’t a clue who the real you is? I thank God that I too met Natalie Benhayon, Universal Medicine and Esoteric Women’s Health. Day by day, with commitment to being myself in full, I am learning how it feels to be me.
It is amazing how we can live like you have described, being an expert at knowing what another needs and being all too willing to deliver it , all the time leaving ourselves out of the equation and empty of any true connection. More amazing still to realise this and begin to allow ourselves some space, some opportunity to discover and uncover who we really are underneath and to start to live connected to ourselves, beginning to enjoy the simplicity that brings and the treasures that unfold along the way.
It is amazingly perverse how we want to hide what is truly beautiful and innately ourselves to instead offer the world a very poor substitute. Especially when within we are ‘beautiful, tender, delicate and super scrumptious’ women!! A gorgeous blog Nicole – thank you.
I too have found Natalie a great inspiration – her innate beauty, sexiness and joy for life have allowed so many to begin anew with building a true and ever deepening relationship with themselves.
This is absolutely gorgeous Nicole – I can certainly relate to what you shared about playing the chameleon and fitting in; I’ve tried all different personas left right and centre but none of them felt like me. I think something that hit home for me from reading your blog is actually how fun it can be to get to know yourself – go on dates, cook things that you feel like, dress in a way you want to etc… Before when people said things like, ‘you’ve got to learn to know yourself’ I went straight into reaction like, ‘How on earth do I do that!!!?’ and thought it would be a long and painful task. Definitely not.
OMGee Me too!
Thank you for sharing Nicole, I can relate to what yiu are saying. I used to do my best to fit in to every situation and group, like you I mastered being the chameleon. So much so I remember thinking its crazy everyone at school knows of me, but they don’t actually know me. Whilst I could say I had heaps of friends most were distant acquaitances and they were very much about using each other. There was no love. No the more i am simply myself the more real connections i make with people and the more i appreciate who i am and dont try to fit in. Natalie Benhayon has been super supportive over the years at helping me claim my sensitivity and the man that I am.
It feels like you have been taking off all those layers that kept you in disguise and what was underneath is sooo beautiful!!, what a great list of things to reconnect to oneself, when you say you have explored: what I (emphasized) feel to eat, the places I (emphasized) like to go to, it makes me wonder, about my choices, and if I actually live the life I (emphasized) choose…great claiming of you. I love your blog and will re read it again. The feeling I get is so sparkly and deep at the same time…
I agree Julia, Nicole does feel sparkly and deep. I enjoyed re-reading this blog and the sharing from others 🙂
A beautiful sharing with us Nicola – Sitting with this for a while I realised that until my younger son left home it was the turning point that I then gave myself permission to then nurture myself. I had for a while before that started to take onboard that I was equally as important as all those I was ‘mothering’ but I had not truly felt what an amazing woman I was/am. My coat of many colours was somewhat dulled by all the doing and being that in there somewhere the true essence of me got lost. Like you share I started to get to know myself ‘more deeply’ and stopped looking from the outside for answers – an amazing journey it is too. Letting go gradually of all those deeply ingrained patterns that I created. Natalie Benhayon is such an inspiration and is a truly amazing role model for all.
Thank you for sharing this with us, Nicole. For a long time in my life I would do a very similar thing of trying to figure out what someone else needed in order to get them to recognise me or be grateful, but what I wanted or what what my life was asking for was put on the back burner. As a result, what would come up inevitably was a strong force of resentment, which I would try to bury for a while until it became unbearable. Now, what I am learning is to honour myself, and make honesty about what I want, need, like, etc etc my starting point as a way to honour myself as being equal to all others.
Yes Naren, that old chestnut of resentment is not far away when we let the chameleon run our lives. I love how you also referred to ‘what my life was asking for …’. This confirms for me how our own distinct expression is waiting there to unfold; to reveal the fullness of the beauty and deep love we all truly are. It was beautiful to read how Nicole shed her chameleon skin when she connected to her own amazing expression.
It’s lovely to read how loving it felt for you to shed your chameleon coat, and allow people in to experience you being your natural self.
What a beautiful blog Nicole and reading other people’s comments it seems being a chameleon is something most of us relate to as we have tried to fit into life. You have shown here what happens when we let that go and return to who we are in our essence – tender, beautiful, loving and wise.
Thank you Nicole for such an honest helpful and revealing blog .From being a chameleon to just being me and the beauty and true gold you have found is very beautiful to read and know for myself also. I am sure we can all relate to this and the something missing always being missing the real essence and love we are. To realise and find this through our own journey of coming inside and building a deep connection with ourselves really is the pure love we are all looking for. The reflection from this is awesome and inspiring with everyone as is the inspiration and role model Natalie Benhayon for all women and her healing sessions are pure magic. Away with the ideals and beliefs we have all taken on and in with the true real women and men we all are.
Thank you Nicole for sharing such a beautiful blog which I can relate to very much especially to playing the different roles to ‘fit in’ with everyone. For me, I felt extremely insecure and would worry incessantly about what others thought of me. As I develop a loving relationship with myself, getting to know the real me, I am finding that I am becoming stronger and the worrying only occurs on the odd occasion. ”I cannot help but smile when I look at how far I have come.” It is incredible the changes taking place within the students (myself included) of Universal Medicine and this piece of writing is a testament to this.
Nicole what a great sharing of everything you have embraced. It’s like you have shed an old skin to discover the true shiny and incredible you that was always there. Very inspiring!
Yes, shedding the old reptilian skin and finding that underneath there was a gorgeous delicate one all along.
Gorgeous! It only took me about 35 years to work out how I like my eggs cooked, rather than having the same as my partner, whether I liked them like that or not! What a joy to discover your true self Nicole and long may it continue, long may that beautiful scrumptious woman keep getting bigger and brighter. Thank you for your honesty and sharing, very inspiring.
This is made me laugh Rowena. I can so relate to not making my own choices for a long time, going with whatever the other person was liking but never making the commitment to feel or explore how I liked it. I now also have been playing with things and more and more get to know how I like my things in life, actually I am pretty confident with knowing it at the moment I have to say. This is awesome to notice seen where I have come from!
Yes Rowena and Lieke realising that we can actually make our own choices and that THAT it is our responsibility was a real revelation for me. When we play the roles as the chameleon we never hang in their long enough to know what it is that we truly bring.
Love it Rowena. How many of us can relate to the seemingly small things, like having our eggs like our partner, that really add up to a whole life that is not truly us? I know I can!
Yes, the small things in life are actually the ones that decide the big things and they can bring constant joy and harmony. The big things often grow out of the small things.
It is the same for going to courses – how you live your life between the courses decides substantially what you get out of the courses and decides how much you keep from the courses.
Vive les petites affaires!
I liked this too Rowena. I’m realising that the ‘easy going’ person who doesn’t want to disturb the norm or whatever is going on is actually abusive, especially to themselves. I’m enjoying speaking up about what I feel like to eat or do etc, and allowing myself the space to choose rather than feeling helpless and ‘going with the flow’.
I’ve tripped up on this one too Racheal – by ‘going with the flow’ according to where everyone else stands, we put ourselves at risk of getting swept away in the current, for in order to keep up with others, we first have to override our own rhythm. If instead we remain true to the flow that flows within, we can never be dragged out to sea because honouring our innate rhythm is honouring the greater rhythm in which we are held. Thus, be true to the flow that flows within and you will never drift far from shore.
That is beautifully said Liane. I love how you take it further to our rhythm and the bigger rhythm that holds us. I never looked at it like that before.
So funny Rowena…and at the same time not. I have eaten meals because people want me to eat them, cooked meals my partner liked, generally said “yes” a lot and have been generally very lovely, very agreeable. Very easy going.
The fact that I was a seething mass of resentment on the inside was not so lovely, not so agreeable. That chameleon style reptile suit is made of rubber and it doesn’t breathe so easily. It bends and contorts so much that we don’t even know how we like our eggs!
Like you Nicole I have started the process of suit removal. I’ve discovered that saying “no” when I mean no is actually saying “yes”…to me. And I don’t actually want to be agreeable and easy going. I want to be me. All of me.
And I like my eggs poached, yolks slightly runny in the centre.
This is a very sweet blog. Completely relatable for me as I had been a chameleon as well for far too long. And then it felt like Natalie Benhayon woke me up from this deep slumber of given up and withdrawal. And in this process I too have discovered that there is a genuine person here who has a voice and likes and dislikes – what a revelation!
Wow, Nicole, I love this blog. I can relate to certainly not being me for most of my life. Most of my decisions were made by taking into account what the other person wanted to choose, to do, or whatever. I did not really feel that I could push my own likes onto the other person. I would say, whatever you want to do etc. If I actually stated what I would like, it often did not marry with the expectations of the other person. It came to the point that I often did not actually know what I did like or want to do. I absolutely lost myself for most of my life. I would have termed it ‘I disappeared myself’ and now realise that is what I deliberately did. Oh such a big Ouch. I certainly did not like myself.
Since I met Serge Benhayon and attended Universal Medicine presentations, I have very gradually come to find my true self under all the subservient layers I had placed over myself. And like you, over the past several years especially, I have been inspired by Natalie Benhayon, who is such a role model for all women in living as a true woman in all her tenderness, power and strength. I too began to have beautiful sessions with Natalie to discover more and more of the woman that I am. I found especially through the Sacred Movement classes which Natalie introduced, I have begun to expose more and more of the beautiful, sexy woman that I truly am.
Nicole, what an honest sharing. I can relate very much to having lost the sense of who you truly are. I also am on my way to finding back to the true me and even if it is hitting holes the process starts to make fun. Natalie Benhayon equally for me is a role model, where I know this is how it feels to live the truth, claimed and powerful.
Nicole, how gorgeous it is to just be you and it shows. Thank you for sharing your story as it helps us all understand that our gorgeousness and amazingness is just under ‘that self-made reptilian coat’ and it is time for us all to let go the ‘reptilian age’ as it went out with the dinosaurs. Let’s reveal it all by ‘just being me’, as you have shown us Nicole.
I think there are millions out there who are being chameleons, I used to be a brilliant one myself and thought this was a great skill, but actually, what you describe is the same as what I have come to realise and actually it’s quite an ugly, manipulating way to be with people, I hadn’t been myself for so long I have had to re-learn who I am, ask myself what I actually love to do, and appreciate the natural way I do things. I can relate to it being like dating too, getting to know myself, paying attention to me and treating myself with deep care…and then I start falling in love with myself, as life is so much simpler and more enjoyable when you can just be yourself.
I too thought that this was a great skill that I had honed Laura. I used to pride myself on the fact that I could fit in with anyone anywhere. It was only after I was supported to reconnect and begin to know who I truly am that I could see how exhausting being a chameleon is and how lost I really was.
So true Nicole. I too have been inspired to shed the skin of conformity and live the woman I am. Your words that say it for me are “I now have a sense of not needing to look outside of me anymore to make myself feel loved” and in connecting to the love that I am and always have been, if only I’d chosen to be aware of it, I am having fun being the woman I am with no need to strive to be whatever I think others expect of me.
Mary I can feel the power within your words “I am having fun being the woman I am with no need to strive to be whatever I think others expect of me.” . The interesting thing that I am finding though still, is that if I lose that true connection to myself, the thoughts of still wanting to ‘not rock the boat’ or ‘meeting what I may see as an expection from another’ are still there just lurking somewhere in the mire, waiting to bring forward those old beliefs of ‘not being enough’ or ‘not measuring up’. However, as a result of attending the Universal Medicine presentations and spending time with the beautiful practitioners of the Way of the Livingness I am soon reminded the choice is mine.
I am with you on this Mary, “I now have a sense of not needing to look outside of me anymore to make myself feel loved”, and re-learning and allowing myself to just be me.
Thank you Nicole for openly sharing what I am sure many women and men can relate to. I know I can and looking back on this way of behaving I find it shocking to see that even though I was choosing to keep changing in different roles I was not aware it was happening which shows how far away I was from having any sense of myself and who I really was. The simple ways you used to discover you are inspiring – thank you.
As is your name, this is a very wise and beautifully written article. There are many different phrases and images that I love and connect with as I read it. The one that particularly stands out today is, “Just being me is like finding the rainbow complete with the pot of gold at the end. I have found the Holy Grail”.
I agree Jonathan all the colour and the riches of re-connecting to the real and whole glorious us that has been busting to come out for eons. And now the time is here.
Thank you Nicole. What a gorgeous honest share. I know your journey so well, you might as well have written it on my behalf. Not only have I been a chameleon to fulfill what I have thought everyone else’s needs and expectations were, but I myself have had a host of ideals, beliefs and expectations which I have been playing along to as well and often these have been far more inhibiting of my freedom of expression. Natalie Benhayon is a great role model showing us that it is indeed time that all of us women lived the beautiful, tender, delicate and super scrumptious women that we are as you have chosen to do.
Awesome Nicole! I really enjoyed where you wrote about discovering the music YOU really liked and the way YOU like to dress and what actually made YOU laugh. That was superb. I too have had a lot of fun re-discovering this and I play with life everyday.
Me too, Harry, getting to know ourselves from the inside out is glorious!
I do totally agree Harrison, the way I thought I needed to be has shaped a lot of my life, and rediscovering all the things I have missed from myself is an amazing experience. Everyday is a joy to live, not a full-time job calculating all the moves I made.
Wow, I am just realising how many of us have not lived in honour of who we truly are and what this means. The fact that we need to rediscover ourselves raises some very big questions, like “how did we get to this place where so many people are abandoning themselves to fit it in” What are we trying to fit in to? Why aren’t we celebrated for who we are as children and instead moulded to fit some societal ideal or other?
Your blog Nicole and all the comments offer an amazing eye opening and inspiring new way forward, a new pathway back to our true selves, for all who read it.
It is just so plain and simple. And it is such a treat to re-discovery who we actually are after years and years of modifying our behaviours to ‘fit in’.
Yes, Harrison, building a relationship with me, discovering more of myself every day and what I enjoy and what I am really feeling is a wonderful joyful unfolding and quite surprising at times making me realise how there have been whole pockets of not living me at all.
Wise words Nicole Wise that deserve to be seen by men and women throughout the world. And imagine what that world would be like if others followed your example to shed their Chameleon coats and strip back to the bare based bones of being who they truly are. True relationships would flourish, mental illness would dramatically reduce, people would be healthier and have more vitality and joy…and that’s just for starters. The changes you have made in your life are inspirational Nicole.
Here here rod! The power of true change! It is something that every person in the whole word wants, and its something that Nicole has found! True freedom in being herself, effortlessly, unconditionally and freely. Another amazing woman stepping out of her chameleon cloak to live life and live it wholeheartedly for the beautiful women that is within.
Agreed Rod! I could also see that there would be no competition especially between women… just an appreciation for each other’s quality and beauty. Imagine how honest and simple life would become!
Great point Rod. Everyone wears a chameleon coat of some sort as the ideals and roles that we take on in life. How different would the world be if we all chose to let go of the coat and live our real selves. Very inspirational indeed!
Yes I agree I love the way Nicole has shown the reality of the Spice Girls world and why it couldn’t and didn’t last – yes just like a party popper – great analogy. One day all the little girls in the world will have the option of at last knowing what a true role model is. Natalie inspires me deeply and shows me there is another way – and it’s so much fun !
Yes Rod can you imagine just how different the world would be if we shed our coats? Upon each meeting we would know that we were getting the real deal. A consistency in each other would be felt and the way we related would truly flourish and deepen.
So many of us have been chameleon imposters. I know that I was.
Change is here.
May we connect to who we TRULY are…. let go of our heavy coats and allow our true essence to be felt. The world feels lighter just thinking about it. 🙂
Nicole you are leading the way.
Rod whilst reading your comment it really became very clear to me the connection between the strain of being who we are not and our physical and mental illnesses, not to mention our general misery as a species. It’s no wonder we haul our exhausted bodies from place to place, when we are constantly bearing the strain of being something we are not. My goodness the sheer relief and lightness of being to eventually throw off the myriad of different coats and to simply stand in the splendor of who we are.
Awesome point Rod! Just think of the savings in financial and emotional costs and the ease on our health system by living this way… And being true to ourselves.
Very Wise words Rod from two Wise people. If we could actually strip ourselves back to bare bones, and take a good look inside to see were we have been going wrong, and then re-build what we truly wish to be, loving open , honest, and let people see who we really are. I am positive great changes would come from it on a worldwide basis.
Big yes to all that you say here Rod, it is not just our own lives that dramatically turn around when we drop away the masks and roles and let the real us be seen. The ripple effects are enormous — everyone benefits from the choice we make to be ourselves first and foremost.
I can very much relate to the chameleon way of living. Discovering that this actually is not a true way of living but a playing it safe to fit into the world kind of living and what a blessing it is to have a woman like Natalie Benhayon living herself in her fullness every moment. A role model that inspires me to come out of my shell and as you say ‘start living the truth of who I really am.’
I agree what you say Esther, the chameleon way of living is not a true way of living. It is shocking how many of us, including myself have ‘lived’ this way and beautifully inspiriting that we are re-connecting to the true soulful and sexy women we are.
Agree Esther, there is no truth to it at all. Playing save is a massive illusion as it pushes as deeper and deeper into this role play and the growing insecurity of not being ourselves opens up this endless need for recognition and identification. Trying to fit into the world and at the same time creating individuality to stand out and be special and recognized is a horrible plague that needs urgently amazing role models that inspire people to come out of our shell and as you say ‘start living the truth of who I really am.’ All the women I know who have walked the path of living the truth of who they truly are inspired by Natalie Benhayon and many other women are today role models for other people. The world will be slowly taking stock of the amazing service Universal Medicine is offering humanity.
Playing it safe, never letting who we are out therefore never really letting anyone in, this goes on for so long we forget who we are…doesn’t really lead to much joy in life. Thanks to Natalie and Serge Benhayon, I too have been able to stop playing it safe (a work in progress). The joy that has come back to my life and the spark and inspiration I feel daily, is truly incredible.
I loved reading this Nicole and I feel like going through the same process. It is like you said a joy to become more and more the beautiful me again and feeling that I am complete just by myself without needing something or someone to be there for me. I indeed bring that thing I always wanted, Me!
All we want is to be us. Sometimes we have to go through quite the process to know this again. Well worth it I say.
Nicole I can so relate to being a chameleon, that was my method of gaining approval and being liked too. What you’ve shared is a beautiful confirmation of the true beauty within all of us, men and women alike, and the liberation and healing that occurs when we shed this outer facade.
I can relate to this too Jenny, and also spent many years in ignorance adapting myself to suit different situations and different relationships. I’ve found this is something I need to continually be aware of, as even though I am much more aware of these behaviours, I still notice myself sometimes changing or not being myself to gain approval ( ie to be seen as a good mother, employee etc) or for attention or recognition etc. It’s sometimes obvious and sometimes more subtle, but always an opportunity to look at why I feel the need to not be myself in the first instance (which might be a lack of self-worth, not wanting to feel a hurt etc).
And Nicole has also beautifully highlighted the simplicity of shedding the chameleon coat. I love that all we need to do is re-connect deeply with ourself and the woman / man we truly are and honour our inner truth. It’s so simple and just lovely.
The things we do to be liked – it’s crazy. It’s inspiring to read about people who have improved their self worth so much that they no longer care whether someone likes them or not, as their beauty is there every moment of the day.
A few days ago I told a dear friend of mine ‘I am a beautiful man; whether they see it now or later, or not at all, doesn’t change that fact’. This indeed is a result of improved self worth.
Jenny it’s not only ironic but quite sad that for much of my life I championed being a chameleon, thinking that this was the way – the way to live. Something much of our society does as well. Yet as Nicole and so many others have shared fitting it, being a chameleon meant whilst I didn’t ruffle any feathers I didn’t actually know who I was. Learning to shed the layers of chameleon is a true miracle and with each layer shed I find, as you’ve shared, a freedom and liberation.
Awesome blog Nicole – love it. I agree in full Natalie Benhayon is a true role model for women and the way she is with people and how she lives constantly inspires me. I can feel how your choice to shed your chameleon coat has let people see your inner sparkle and how you are now an inspiration for the women in your life too, simply by allowing yourself to be the beautiful, tender, loving woman you naturally are.
Yes Bianca, Natalie Benhayon is a true role model for all women and an absolute inspiration. The joy and wisdom she consistently expresses and lives on a daily basis is within us all just waiting to blossom and flower.
Totally agree Rosemary, Natalie Benhayon is an absolute joy and inspiration – no chamelion coat for her, she presents the full truth of her womanhood with every breath she takes – and in a way that inspires others to live the same.
Absolutely Catherine – that coat definitely does not hide in her closet… She is all of her, all the time, and such consistency is inspirational. As a young woman I am stunned to see someone so confident in themselves when so many other girls I see on a day to day basis struggle with self confidence and self worth. Natalie is a huge role model.
Absolutely Catherine, no adapting and no hiding for Natalie. She brings all of her to the world and inspires many, including me.
Yes, Natalie Benhayon is so absolutely gorgeous, and she actually inspires you to fall in love with yourself! and to want to get to know the real woman (or man) you are intimately. Her relationship with herself does not encourage you to be more like her, but to be more like you.
Yes, Bianca, Natalie Benhayon is an incredibly inspirational woman, but to us men as well! She has an amazing grace and strength in her, yet is conveys a sacredness in her femininity which allows a man to feel just how tender he can be. She does not ever ask a man to be other than what he is. This is something that is truly special.
Whoa Naren that’s a game-changer. Natalie Benhayon ‘does not ever ask a man to be other than what he is’. When a woman truly knows who she is and lives from this fullness, the divisive undercurrent that is designed to keep men and women separate is blown out of the water, and instead allowing through an all embracing love that holds us all equal.
How beautiful to have it from a man’s perspective, and that there is no difference. With Natalie Benhayon we all get graced by the same level of love and dedication and the same level of absolute presence.
Wow Naren that is so wunderbar to have a man talking about what he felt being with Natalie. It would be so beautiful if more women can “convey their sacredness in her femininity” like Natalie so that more men can feel “just how tender they can be”.
I agree Natalie Benhayon is most definitely a true role model and the consistancey that she lives her life in is super inspiring. The dedication that she has to connect deeply to the sacredness that she is as a Woman is the pure truth of what is possible as a Woman. To let go of all the roles we think we need to be and simple be the sexy sacred Woman that we are is without question a more profound preciousness that I now know is possible.
It’s one lie after another when we re-invent ourselves to be what we imagine another person wants us to be. It’s not healthy and the effort we have to go to to keep up the charade is exhausting. It’s a game, maybe people like playing it, like we like watching movies to escape, but no-one really benefits, relationships are but a mere shadow of the possibility they should be. I’m glad you’ve seen through your parts and decided to offer the world someone real.
From my experience, Suzanne, I don’t feel anyone likes playing the chameleon game. It doesn’t feel good and really has no purpose other than to hurt ourselves and everyone else by not truly being ourselves. I am only able to see this now as I continue to stop playing this game with the support of Serge Benhayon and Natalie Benhayon and return to my natural glory, but before this I was caught up in this destructive cycle too.
When you’ve been doing something for a long time, in this case acting in roles for much of your life, that way of being becomes very familiar and we tend to like what is familiar, Robyn. I think once the charade is over and someone sees snippets of the real them and starts to live that, I’m sure that way of being will be preferred, but while the games go on, and while one doesn’t know any different, I do see people enjoying the escapism that playing our roles gives them. You are quite right in calling it a destructive cycle, I’m sure we all might still get caught up in from time to time.
Yes I agree Suzanne and I can attest to what you have shared. Having played the chameleon act for a long time, it does take time to break the pattern. I find that when I am around new people or in a situation that brings up anxiousness the chameleon act is my ‘go to’. I have decided to have a bit of fun with it of late and not to get too serious around it as that keeps me in the act itself or brings on another act which is ‘more serious’ and not the real me either. It is taking a while to distinguish between all those little bits that are still not the real me and what I think is the real me. A marker that I use in my body for feeling is – do I feel completely at ease in my own skin and am I completely present with my body? If the answer is yes, I know I am being the real me.
I know I find myself getting caught up in playing the chameleon sometimes, and it is draining and exhausting and I lose myself in the process. What is it that we are so afraid of by not being our true selves, not being loved, being rejected? Are we not enough for just being who we are. For me being the chameleon is dishonouring myself, and yes it is very destructive because I am hiding myself and keeping myself small and that kind of behaviour never serves anyone. It makes me sad to think of the roles we all play from time to time, it is like we are all playing one big game and in fact, hiding behind each other. It wasn’t until I met Serge Benhayon and his family that I experienced what is was like to be in the presence of people that were 100% committed to being themselves, and this inspiration is what keeps me working on allowing my true self to shine through.
I agree Robyn and also no one likes to be with the chameleon, we all feel how it does not feel genuine or authentic, like your being managed. Yet I too have managed and micro managed my relationships to fit in and be liked by others. Also as I have let this go slowly but surely others are much more responsive to me and much more loving. It’s beautiful what being yourself invites from others.
Yes I agree Vanessa. When I am with someone and they are holding back or are pretending to be something they are not I am left feeling short changed, like I have missed out on a lovely opportunity for something real.
‘It’s beautiful what being yourself invites from others.’ I love this line Vanessa, and have come to know this too. It is a joy to be myself and I don’t get exhausted by it. Instead I get more vibrant and playful as I connect more truthfully to others everyday.
From my experience with playing the chameleon game, it brought nothing but a deep sadness. I was not me, did not know who I was and there was a huge amount of resentment that those I was in relationship with could not see me for who I truly was. But I was expecting them to see me magically as I was letting very little of myself out.
I have to say I felt the same Nikki. I never wanted to not be myself, but I had gotten so lost in trying to be accepted and liked by others that I didn’t really know which parts of me were real. When this was exposed, the sadness felt enormous, but after a period I realised the sadness (just like all the different faces) was just another thing to keep me from really getting to know who I was.
Likewise Nikki – the chameleon game was exhausting to me even though I thought I was in control. To understand that I was playing a role, and to allow myself to drop that, has been huge for me and everyone who knew me as ‘fitting in so well, nice and agreeable’
To claim who I am , how I am feeling and what is true has never felt so freeing or loving.
To be seen for who we truly are is what we want – and it still baffles me that we can spend so much time not allowing that.
It’s so ironic that we get frustrated and resentful at the world for not seeing us as who we truly are, when we’re the ones refusing to show up and be all of who we really are! Blaming the world, and our relationships is a great game that allows us to stay in protection and hiding, and the resentment of that. Really we’re just poisoning ourselves. Eventually we start to feel that living in hiding and in so much protection really hurts – most of all ourselves – it makes us ill and is not our natural way of being, and the more we come out of hiding, the more full life we start to feel, and this then is reflected back to us in all other areas of life.
Hear hear Suzanne – it is indeed a game. We avoid taking responsibility for bringing our true expression to the world.
I agree Eva and Suzanne. It is a game we are playing and a harmful one at that. By us not expressing our truth doesn’t allow others to be in their truth.
I find that in some aspects or situations the roles I have used to hide behind and protect myself have become quite ingrained and therefore it can take a strong commitment in the moment to break that pattern (and not just run with the familiar) before I can express truly. That is why it is so important to really come to know me and develop a deeply self-loving relationship with myself which builds my presence and gives me a ground to express from. And yes, these protective behaviours have all stemmed from shirking the responsibility of true expression in the past.
I agree Josephine, it’s very key to build a loving foundation in ourselves that we can constantly fall back on as we start to out the various ways we have chosen to be chameleons instead of our true selves. Until that time, the destructive behaviours actually become the default foundation, and even though deep down we know the choices we are making are leading us to be more and more lost, more and more disconnected from who we truly are, we don’t have the tools that a true foundation will offer, for us to become honest and truthful and shake off those destructive behaviours.
Dear Josephine, this is very beautiful what you express here about the importance of getting to know yourself through developing a truly loving relationship with you first, your presence and your expression. I can say that this is where I am at also, little by little building and deepening the foundation of love I have for myself that I can then take out to the everyone in my life.
Suzanne when I look back on how I used to be it’s not so much one lie after another in my case, more like ‘one lie fits all’. That one lie was to be nice, compliment others and play down my strengths so as to not make others feel in any way uncomfortable. I even held back sharing about my son, incase other Mums went into comparison ! My behaviour left a greasy streak where ever I went. Yuk !
And Suzanne, invention happens also in jobs or professions, particularly in Sales or Customer Services with the training technique of mirror-match…to get alignment and hence seal the deal. This is how ‘reading people’ is often taught, when in truth reading a person, is just feeling them – without becoming them. Ultimately under (re)invention, we’re changing to morph into another person…to get something back, and this can be addictive, even liked as you say. And this is what causes the drain, this constant retrieving and putting on an act, to win another’s favour for gain.
It’s true Zofia what you share, I can see how we change ourselves in the world of work to fit in with what we think is needed, or in fact required so that we get back what we need. But in the process we exhaust ourselves and dishonour completely what might be true for ourselves in each situation.
Yes Suzanne there are so many lies when we act in any way that is not who we truly are. There is also the more subtle lying to ourselves of ‘I can eat that’ or ‘I’m fine with that’ or ‘I’m not enough’… which is a big one I have used most my life. I’ve never liked playing these games or putting on a false persona to anyone… it felt more like, I will become a chameleon to not draw attention to myself and to not bring up anything uncomfortable for myself or others. The irresponsibility is huge when I look at how this plays out now.
“Not to draw attention to myself and not to bring up anything uncomfortable for myself or others.” Yes, this has been me in certain situations. I have become so used to doing this that at times I can have trouble accessing what I do actually feel and that can be a lie too. Usually it is something very obvious and simple sitting there but I have chosen to override it or simply keep it to myself out of habit or fear of the consequences of speaking out. Now I find that when I do speak in these moments it is always revealing, it often initiates a deeper connection with the other person and it can expose where I am at and a limitation I might be carrying. Either way it is expanding whereas the holding back, hiding or being a chameleon is obviously the opposite.
I can very much relate Josephine. When we’ve been chameleons for such a long time, we can trick ourselves easily in not discerning what we truly feel. What i’ve discovered is this is all part of the unfolding journey of retuning back to our innate wisdom which is absolutely clear but that we’ve buried away as a result of trying o be something we’re not. Little by little, our illusions and tricks can be lovingly exposed, and in being tender and gentle with ourselves we can step forward with more knowing, and more of us, being real. And every time we look in the mirror that’s what we can see — less of the chameleon and far more of the real us, which is such a joy to see.
Aimee that is a good point you have made: “I will become a chameleon to not draw attention to myself and to not bring up anything uncomfortable for myself or others.” Who is not guilty for doing it consciously or unconsciously? Therefore we also need us all to reflect each other were we truly are and were we come from so that we can say more and more no to be a chameleon for us or for the others.
I am wondering, Nicole just how many of us adapt and change like a chameleon to fit in with different individuals or groups around us? I love how you describe, ‘looking forward to the next steps – like a gardener who keeps adding to and maintaining the beautiful space that has been created.’ How gorgeous that you have discovered the ‘beautiful, tender, delicate and super scrumptious woman’ underneath that chameleon coat. An inspiration for us all to be who we are as we are.
I can relate to that chameleon persona. I too was so good at it that l took up professional acting and got paid to do it for many years. It’s an amazingly challenging process to clock it and let it go because it has become so ingrained in me as being me. Im learning to be more aware of it in everyday situations and refrain from doing it. It’s humbling. However it’s worth it and as you say Nicole it’s wonderful to “start living the truth of who l really am.”
So beautifully and honestly shared Irena, this demonstrates a lot of courage and surrender to me. None of those yucky patterns are part of our essence, and this knowing or openess to consider that possibility makes the process of allowing ourselves to feel and let go much much easier.
I think what is key in this process is not to judge the “yucky” patterns so to speak, but to see them as part of “what is not truly us”, clock them and then allow ourselves the space to come back to the essence of who we are. I know that I have used these facades for a very long time that sometimes I think they are the real me. As the process unfolds of seeing and feeling what is the real me and what is not, it is super important to remain gentle and loving and not judge. See it as a little ‘ooppss’ and then choose the real me instead.
Great point Donna. When we stop and clock rather then judge we can make decisions to change how we approach life rather than beat ourselves up over what we should be. This leaves space to then feel the amazingness of who we are.
Donna, what you have written feels so essentially important to me as I judge myself all the time. Although I know that I just hurt myself with this, it is a strong pattern and I find it really difficult to step out of the never ending self criticism. But when I ask myself the question if the criticism is me, the answer is clearly “No!”, so I will take your comment as a reminder of really appreciating myself lovingly today and also in the next days. Time to cut the energy of judgement and self punishing.
Yes Rachel that chameleon coat can get mighty heavy over time. But as we peel off the heaviness of the coat and return to the joy and tenderness that was always there a real lightness shines through. Definitely worth investing in a great pair of sunnies then as the light can be super bright and sunny.
Yes ready to drop the chameleon coat too cold…. And rather rely on the warmth radiating out from my inner heart than rely on the approval and acceptance of others
Love this Jenny.
All that colour changing is so exhausting.
What a relief to let go and stop trying to be someone you are not! Giving myself permission to be myself no matter how it is received feels so refreshing – there is no shame in presenting the truth of who I am or in presenting a vulnerability when I have accepted, appreciated and loved myself for what I know I bring. Without arrogance I can celebrate all of who I am knowing that I can not bring everything, which allows me to fully appreciate another who brings what I do not. Without comparison this makes us equal and for me utterly full of wonder at their amazingness. I am then doubly blessed by my confirmation in their reflection!
Michelle it is a massive relief to just be ourselves, to share openly to be vulnerable to be playful to accept that we are beautiful straight up no compromise. To live knowing your source is the greatest gift we can give ourselves.
Yes I remember attending my first course at Universal Medicine and we were about to do an exercise and we were awaiting instructions and one of the first instructions was that we did not have to DO anything, just be there and be ourselves. The relief that ran through me was incredible as I realised that I am often ‘on guard’ or in a chameleon state to be ready for what is next. It is lovely to just be me – I still get caught up in stuff but when I remember to return to me – I smile and feel my loveliness.
I smile and feel my loveliness when reading your comment Sarah, I agree, it is a relief when we realise that we don’t have to DO anything, it is OK to just be, and once we get used to the feeling of nakedness by being ourselves and not hiding behind a mask or being a chameleon we open ourselves up and allow others in and they can be themselves too.
Yes Sarah it is like our bodies get to breathe more deeply and say “Wow thank you for being you,” now I don’t feel so constricted and tight anymore. I also find I feel like I am shorter from carrying all the burdens of carrying so many different masks and once these drop away, I grow ten feet tall.
Beautiful reminder Sarah. It has taken me a long time to understand this Sarah, to drop the guard and the colour pot…
..I’m getting it now though.
Gorgeous Michelle, ‘there is no shame in presenting the truth of who I am ‘, for many years i thought I was not enough as I was, I tried hard to be something, somebody else, this was hard work and felt very empty. It feels lovely now that I accept myself more and more and know that I am enough and that I can simply say what I feel and be me.
Saying what I feel and giving myself permission to just be me is one of the greatest gifts I can give myself and others as it allows them to be them too.
Yes it is such a relief to be yourself. When I choose to express exactly what I feel with no holding back, I feel so empowered and It is so freeing in my body. At the same time the other receives a blessing to either align to or not.
I couldn’t agree more Mary Louise. It takes so much energy to be someone you are not. I spent many years doing this and would have different friends to fit in with my ‘different coloured skin.’ Now though I no longer need to change myself to be with certain people and enjoy being me with whoever I am with.
I agree as well Mary-louise and Nicole. Feeling free, truly free, is one of the best feelings. It is a horrible reality that we get caught up in ‘have to’s’ and ‘must do’s’ in life that hold us back from living and sharing ourselves ever so freely.
There is such a wonderful richness in exploring the woman I am underneath all my roles and how I choose to express that on any given day, that far outweighs the burden to keep adapting to what I think people want me to be like to be accepted.
Yes Jenny it is so lovely to have fun re-discovering who we really are underneath all the roles we play. It really does outweigh the chameleon coat of burden we have held for so long.
I so agree Kelly, it is lovely discovering the real person under the heavy coat of the chameleon.
And Natalie Benhayon has been an amazing, powerful and beautiful role model for all women, reminding us all who we innately are also.
No matter how pretty a chameleon woman can make herself, it is never as beautiful as the woman who knows herself and lives that.
I wholeheartedly agree Rachel and Nicole. Nicole, your article is inspiring for all women, because how many of us can in honesty say that we have not subscribed to some kind of role? I can certainly relate to moulding myself to suit others, and become a chameleon in order to please and be liked.
It was exhausting and hugely debilitating because of course in doing so, I would dismiss and bury the real me. Natalie Benhayon has also been a huge inspiration to me, to re-discover and cherish the true woman I have always been who doesn’t need to try and please and get brownie points of approval. Natalie has inspired me to be all that I am and to let that be seen in all the joy and true playfulness, to let myself be the real me and celebrate it. This is the biggest gift I could have ever asked to receive.
I do know what you mean Katerina, Natalie Benhayon has also inspired me greatly to stop and really cherish myself and all that I am. Something that this world does not ask of you, it is amazing really the foundation that can be built here, to never need another but instead to choose to be with another to share and shine. There is nothing more important in life then to deeply celebrate yourself while committing to life.
I looked at my clothes 2 years ago and realised that most of the clothes in my closest were not what I would choose to wear. They were the taste of whatever girl friend I had been shopping with. I ended up giving them to these women and went out and bought cloths that I liked. It was not easy at first as I did not know what my style was.
Rachel, this is a great question, people can start to dress like another, speak like another, adopt mannerism’s of another and the list can go on. I feel most would be surprised how much they take on to be liked by another, to fit in and to feel more worthy.
This is what we do in our relationships to, to be liked and seen. But it all comes at a cost if we are loving the love we truly are.
When everything falls away in a moment of deep stillness, it feels like a forever discovering. Wonderful to sit in that place and an ongoing challenge to be in it in daily life.
It might be easier to calculate, Rachel, how many of us are not hiding. I like Nicole’s “costume” chameleon but it could be anything actually. I could imagine that every person on this planet, safe few who are true and real, could have their “costume” like turtle or snail, hippo or koala etc. Pretty much everyone has their protective armor.
It makes sharings like Nicole’s even more precious. I would say Happy Birthday! To everyone who is going though the same process of transformation, coming back to the world in their true beauty.