Sounds cold and reptilian doesn’t it . . . ?
Well it was. That was me. I had built my life around being the perfect fit-in chameleon. It was like I could smell how people felt and what they needed and wanted, and I would adapt myself to fit that picture. I did it with different groups of friends and in relationships I would mould myself as the perfect girlfriend and fit to what I thought was needed.
I would use this talent in bed as well, to make sex amazing for my partners, as I instinctively knew what they liked. However, I would then be left feeling the emptiness of the lack of connection and then resent my partner and the relationship.
My relationships would only last about 3 to 6 months. I would get over playing the role and I would start to feel that something was missing here: I was missing just being me! All the “I love you’s” I had said and the care I had shown was empty, as it was never really me. I had been living with that emptiness within my relationships for so long, with partners and in friendships alike.
I didn’t know who I was anymore: I was interchanging so much I had no memory of me and what it was like to just be me.
Through a friend I met an amazing woman, Natalie Benhayon, who has continued to be a true role model for me. I began attending healing sessions with Natalie and found working with her was supporting me to come back to re-connecting with myself after all these years. I was receiving bodywork regularly, but even just simply talking honestly about how I was feeling as a woman helped me discover more of who I really am . . . beneath the Chameleon.
As I have learnt to build trust in myself and to open up and share not only with Natalie but with many other close friends on a deep level, I have developed and grown to be my own woman, something I had long left behind.
Now I have been re-finding me, getting to know myself deeply, not in the fluffy spiritual sense, but in a simple ways, like:
- Taking myself on lots of first dates
- Finding out what I like to eat
- Discovering what places I like to go to
- Exploring what perfumes I like to wear
- Learning what music I really like
- Discovering how I laugh and smile for me, not for everyone else.
Just being me is like finding the rainbow complete with the pot of gold at the end. I have found the Holy Grail . . . the familiar feeling of running into an old friend, Me!! I now have a sense of not needing to look outside of me anymore to make myself feel loved.
I am enjoying the imperfect and sometimes wobbly process of my rebuilding, looking back at where I was and where I am now and where I will be. I cannot help but smile when I look at how far I have come. I am looking forward to the next steps – like a gardener who keeps adding to and maintaining the beautiful space that has been created.
The beautiful, tender, delicate and super scrumptious woman I am has been hidden under that yucky self-made reptilian chameleon coat for too long. Inspired by Natalie Benhayon’s example, I have realised that I can uncover the real me by simply re-connecting deeply with myself and the woman I truly am.
I have found enjoyment in the small things, like asking myself what I want to eat and cooking yummy foods, taking time in the mornings and not rushing out the door, spending those small moments appreciating who is looking back at me in the mirror. This has been a world of discovery, seeing my beautiful playful face in the mirror and enjoying me.
It has really been great to meet people when I am feeling so amazing and to have them light up when they spend time with me, as me . . . My relationships with others have changed, I am more open to enjoying another person’s company with ease as I now have the confidence to just be me.
Over the past few years Natalie Benhayon has been a true inspiration and role model of how to be a real woman. Her strength and powerful emanation of a woman is something I know I also have equally, but over the years had forgotten. The more I connect to the true me, the more I can feel the old falling away and the true me beaming through. As I live from this I can see all women have the same innate tenderness, power and strength; it has just been forgotten and buried under the ideals of what we believe society wants us to be.
By Nicole Wise, Student, Northern Rivers
Further Reading:
What Happens When You Meet Natalie Benhayon?
What Defines a True Woman? – Returning to Be-You-Ty
619 Comments
Our relationships change when we become more connected to ourselves. I am not only enjoying another’s company at ease but I am recognizing that others are enjoying my company too. As I become more true to me others respond and I connect with them more deeply.
I can relate to the chameleon Nicole. I used to do this too. I would even have different sets of clothes for different groups of friends. What a lot of effort! It is much more enjoyable simply being the real authentic me with everyone. I don’t have to put on a show or act a certain way.
Rebecca I can relate to this.
In the past I would have different conversations and ways of speaking with people.
Different activities reserved for some and not others.
I would adapt to suit the situation and see this as a gift. But its a lonely life as a chameleon.
Like walking onto the stage and playing the part… being a chameleon never lets anyone in and is unpredictable. The harsh light shines AT you but the true light that we hide away never shines out for all to feel.
Chameleons on the surface are lovely to look at…but still cold and thorny. Men have their shiny bright armor to blind all that try to see what lies beneath the cold steel that we have surrounded ourselves with to protect us from being hurt. As we grow and no longer need to change for others or protect ourselves we began to blossom into who we all truly are
The depth you offer,Nicole, in discovering yourself instead of criticizing yourself is huge. Thank you.
‘Now I have been re-finding me, getting to know myself deeply’ I really connected with thisas so much of the world and processes out there are about redefining ourselves rather than re finding ourselves, there is such a difference.
Being a chameleon is a common theme for all of us: male and female. Very few of us (myself included) knew who we were. Thank God for the Benhayons, Universal Medicine and amazing practitioners to support us on our path of knowing and being who we truly are.
Nicole, I agree Natalie is one beautiful inspirational women, who walks, talks and lives her truth, in this she inspires and supports all of us along the way. Her reflection is beautifully felt. You are correct to say “we all women have the
same innate tenderness, power and strength; it has just been forgotten and buried under the ideals of what we believe society wants us to be…”. Natalie lives and shows how it is possible for all of us to connect to this energy by taking responsibility for ones own life and healing process. Honouring, nurturing and connecting to ones inner self is the the start to ones healing process.
Nicole it is like a disease, the chameleon effort to fit in, be nice, please, conform, and as you say it is exhausting for our bodies to live this way, always looking to the outside to tell us how to be. It was inspiring to read about your return to the gorgeous scrumptious you, shining and open.
Yes Bernadette, like a disease, a disease with symptoms that we can become so used to having that we stop noticing them. We can then end up living really incapacitated, and indeed suffering greatly, and yet not really knowing that this is the case, or how to go about changing it.
At this year’s Universal Medicine retreat we began to understand, most of us for the first time, just how much we had transformed ourselves away from our natural selves – largely in response to the jealousies we felt since… well, for a long time. Having the courage to peel away the layers and express the real us is a fundamental task for us all. Congratulations Nicole, it sounds like you are well on the way to having achieved the return to the real you. And thank you, Serge Benhayon, for telling it like it is and showing us another way.
Lovely to read Nicole how you have shed your chameleon jump suit to reveal the gorgeousness of who you are. I know this trick very well, and it was exhausting and frustrating but most of all it was sad, because I never got to truly feel who I was and show that to anyone and or have the opportunity to see another for who they are.
I enjoy now like you, exploring what I actually like doing, eating, playing etc and the bonus is I am seeing and feeling who others are around me with fresh eyes… without the clouded judgement of how I was previously looking at myself.
Totally agree Nicole, Natalie Benhayon has shown me and so many many women how to love, trust and treasure ourselves and to never hold back who we are because the world needs us to be the amazing powerful sexy women that we all are.
What a beautiful process you have described Nicole, of coming back and reconnecting to yourself more fully as the woman you are rather than being so identified in the different roles you have taken on.
Yes and the emptiness we are running from but it does not go away when we are living as chameleons in many varying ways…the antidote to emptiness is fullness and that is being ourselves…and this can take time to return to, as it is inside of us, a treasure box filled with the most exquisite gems!
Well said Doug and the crazy part is (when it finally dawns on us) that we hold the key to our self-made prisons.
Thank you for your deeply honest and inspiring blog Nicole. I feel that so much of what you have shared touches a cord in each and every one of us. Love your description “Just being me is like finding the rainbow complete with the pot of gold at the end. I have found the Holy Grail . . . the familiar feeling of running into an old friend, Me!! I now have a sense of not needing to look outside of me anymore to make myself feel loved.” Wow!
You make the self-discovery so relevant and real with your post and also words here Nicole: …”taking time in the mornings and not rushing out the door, spending those small moments appreciating who is looking back at me in the mirror”.
The discovery of ourselves is a thing of great beauty. The living of ourselves, the great glory.
Dear Nicole, I love the first date with yourself. I felt like that is the exact person I too would like to get to know and spend more quality time with. ME. If I connect with me first and feel me, then everything I do is with me and I don’t get lonely for me.
Who wouldn’t light up meeting you with the super delicious love that beams through your essentially gorgeous and divine self? You are an inspiration Nicole. I can relate to reaching a point where I didn’t know who I was anymore, as I knew how I was existing was definitely not me. I had a sense of who I was but I had no way of knowing how to re-connect to this let alone live it. I agree that Natalie Benhayon is a true role model that has and is inspiring women all around the world, myself included, to return to and claim the super gorgeous precious divine women that we all are equally so, regardless of our culture or race as we are all in essence divine love.
Nicole that is such a delightful blog. You feel amazing through it, you really do. And I love that there is no hint of self inflation but just the natural radiance of a woman claiming herself in full.
Nicole, your blog is just great. My biggest surprise is how hard it is to “just to be me”. When I do this I continually get a huge surprise of how accepting people are of me just being me. Playing the fitting in game is awful for my body and so imposing on everyone I meet, why would I do that? This was the big question I had to ask of myself. Feeling me is lovely and freeing, as I continually discover new aspects of myself with my partner, family and friends.
In the past I found myself saying I liked something just so that I wasn’t excluded and felt accepted and a part of a group of women. Nodding my head for yes when my body wasn’t necessarily saying likewise. Now at times I am much more discerning and listening to my body and what it is telling me but there are times where I can also go there but from a point of view of, feeling that something is not right but jumping in to agree to not be on the outer, and then feeling after that what I have agreed to, does not match with how I am feeling inside. So note to self, I honour my feelings and express them with love.
Lovely sharing Nicole, what a great day it is when we accept that we are more than enough when we are simply being ourselves. We can never have a true connection with another while we are playing any roles, as they never get to see the truth of who we are. Playing roles feels empty and is exhausting whereas being us is naturally joyful and invites others to also be themselves.
Very true Victoria, ‘We can never have a true connection with another while we are playing any roles, as they never get to see the truth of who we are’, and, it is so exhausting holding back who we truly are to become what we think is wanted.
Great blog Nicole. Thank you for sharing. I can very much relate and up until a couple of years ago I also had no idea who I was in relationship to myself. I also realised that most of my actions and behaviours were about morphing myself into the idea of who I thought people would like accept etc. This is a work in progress in letting go of these behaviours but am getting to know and love myself and its a really beautiful thing. I love this line “Natalie Benhayon has been a true inspiration and role model of how to be a real woman. Her strength and powerful emanation of a woman is something I know I also have equally, but over the years had forgotten” this is also my experience of Natalie Benhayon. She emanates a power and strenght that is all inclusive it says that you’re just like this too, let’s go – super inspiring!
I relate so well with what you have written Nicole. In all the relationships I have had with men I became whatever they needed, I fitted in with their friends, took on their lifestyle, I did whatever I had to to belong and gain approval, and totally lost my self in the process. Your blog beautifully confirms the healing that occurs when we reconnect to our true selves and discover the joy, true beauty, and fun and lightness that is us, and is there to be shared with the world.
Gorgeous blog Nicole – what a transformation! The enormous changes you have gone through are deeply felt – thanks for sharing.
It is amazing to witness people coming back to their true selves.
Yes Eva, it is amazing to see people come back to their true selves and it is really inspiring and contagious!
Hi Nicole, this blog made me consider how do I change who I am, depending on the company I am in? Do I stay me or do I not. I would totally agree Natalie Benhayon is an amazing role model of what it is to be true to who you are and at the same time a truly amazing woman.
My experience of Natalie Benhayon is that she is rock solid in her expression of herself, always consistent and emanates an enormous love and sexiness by just being herself. What an amazing young woman, and one we can all aspire too because she reflects back to us our own potential to connect to our true essence as a woman.
Nicole, it’s absolutely gorgeous to hear another women describe and talk about herself with the evident enjoyment and love you have here. And now you are that inspiration for other women – and those who light up in your company.
It’s inspiring Nicole how you have built this trust in yourself to drop the masks and the trying and just be You in the world. Thanks for honestly sharing.
I agree Annie its the trusting again in myself that then has allowed me to open up more to others and to let my true self out to play.
You most definitely are a “beautiful, tender, delicate and super scrumptious woman”. I am so glad we all get to meet the real you, Nicole!
Beautiful testimony Nicole of the inspiration that Natalie Benhayon has been for you and thousands of women around the world.
And the numbers of women grow more and more each day.
Your expression stops me in my tracks Nicole. All you have shared here is gold. The ‘talent’ of the chameleon is one that I’m sure many can relate to, in exposing that style of getting through life or moving within relationships, brings to life the majesty we wear once shedding those outer weathered skins. To move in the grace we are is unlike any other – super scrumptious indeed!
Inspirational you are Nicole Wise. There is a freedom I can feel when you speak about living as yourself, as a ‘true woman’ and what you are exploring that to be for you.
Hi Nicole, its great to read your blog. I am sure many women can relate to being a chameleon and changing ourselves to fit the right picture and to fit in most of all.
I have also been on a journey of getting to know who I really am, and not what I thought I should be to keep others happy. It has been so supportive to have Natalie Benhayon as a role model.
I like the gardener analogy Nicole and Natalie Benhayon is a phenomenal woman. Just being in her presence, for me, if I’m ever worried or anxious about something, just settles me – everything feels alright again and I can see things much more clearly. I’m really pleased that you are coming back to you and knowing who you are as it is the most fulfilling feeling in the world.
I have experienced that same settling feeling while being in Natalie Benhayon’s presence. There is something about that presence that doesn’t require us to change to fit into a certain shape to be there or with her. We are allowed to just be ourselves – a far cry from a world that says you must fit into this shape here and be this person over there etc. That presence that Natalie holds doesn’t ask us to be anything other than ourselves because as I have recently felt that settling feeling is also a quality within me.
‘To Just Be Me’…who would have thought that could be so hard!
Nicole I am sure your story is very relatable to many as it seems a very common theme to be ‘finding oneself’…the true self and not the made up one that is trying to fill themselves up from the outside, but the one that knows themselves from deep within and has the understanding that they are already enough as they are. When we give ourselves permission to remove all of those chamelion coats that we have put on it is amazing the gold that lays beneath and within, that has been patiently waiting to shine so very very bright.
Gorgeous Marika. Yes it is pretty shocking how ‘Just being yourself’ is such a hard and tricky task for so many (and it is only a task because they make it one). You’ve described it perfectly with the chameleon coats – if someone were to ask you who YOU actually were and what it meant to just be you, I know I’d certainly have to take quite a bit of time to think about that because there’s so many things that pop up in my mind, such as – ‘Well I have to be nice’, ‘I should probably say beautiful’, ‘That magazine told me that unless I was skinny I was doing wrong, so I should probably apologise for that’, etc. etc. All based on how the outside world has told me to behave, look and act.
I would mould myself as the perfect girlfriend and fit to what I thought was needed.
I did the same with partners. I even dressed each time exactly in their dress style.
I completely went to a different clothing style. And I even always wore THEIR jacket.
After twenty years, changing every 5 years from partner, I noticed that in all those years I never bought my own jacket. How symbolic is that. I was completely giving my power away to men.
A very strong belief and pattern that I thought I needed a man. Now being a little older and wiser I had more sophisticated ways to go on with those patterns. Like not speaking up, not expressing all, to call out what is not oke etc.. And lately I noticed when I do so, to speak from all of me without an ounce of holding back. IT is super.
Natalie Benhayon has also been the most amazing role model and friend to me and hundreds, perhaps thousands of other women and men. When I say role model it does not mean that I try to be anything like Natalie, but I become more and more of my true self and let go of more and more behaviours that I thought were me but were not. It takes awareness and courage to be true because society is set up for us to conform and not shine. Natalie is the most amazing, generous, wise, fun and dedicated person who gives back to others on a grand scale. It is an honour and joy to know Natalie and through that inspiration has become an honour and joy to know myself and others.
A beautiful blog Nicole – I agree with you whole-heartedly – Natalie Benhayon is a truly amazing role model for me too – regardless of the fact that she is young enough to almost be my grand daughter!
It is gorgeous to feel you really enjoying being the simply glorious woman that you are and sharing your words for all to enjoy you too – “The beautiful, tender, delicate and super scrumptious woman!!”
This is great Nicole, so much of what you have written I can relate to. Being everything for everyone else but at the expense of myself – eventually like you say we start to miss us and the connection we have to ourselves.
I absolutely relate too! That empty, dense feeling of ‘fitting in’ with others and compromising all that we truly feel to be liked or fill the ideals and beliefs that we carried. When we begin to honour who we really are and what feels true to us we do begin to see how much we missed our true selves all the time and how deeply it hurts us to live anything less than this. What an amazing discovery it is to rediscover our innate beauty and the pure, unique quality of us that we have always carried but can now choose to live in fullness.
I used to think that being a chameleon was how we were meant to be, it showed my adaptability and willingness to accommodate everyone, It never truly worked because no one really knew who they were going to get…least of all me.
Yes Alison I used to see it as a skill. Now I am getting to know myself again and just being the real me. Its much easier than playing all of those fake characters.
Thank you Nicole for being so honest and also for becoming the scrumptious women you are, to share this process with us/the world. I can relate very much to this Chameleon way of living and how exhausting it is to always be super-intent, to clock another persons requirement, even before this person has felt it themselves… The line: “Discovering how I laugh and smile for me, not for everyone else.” touched me the most, as it contains everything, you wrote about. This is a meaningful summary and picture for the whole transformation from a Chameleon-being to a precious beautiful true women. So laughing and smiling can be a very good marker to feel where I am at: the Chameleon, or the true me.
How many of us laugh and smile for ourselves? I know I have had a tendency to laugh very falsely to join in with others and often smiled politely only to seek recognition for being a ‘good’ girl. ”Discovering how I laugh and smile, not for everyone else”… now that’s a different ball game and something I will take with me into my day.
Taking myself on lots of first dates, I love it.
Yes me too – what a sweet way of expressing this, just love it.
Yes I did too Mariette, it stood out for me as the most gorgeous thing to do and something that I have not done enough of myself. A lovely way to take self care to another level.
I love this too, it’s super playful and sweet, very honouring and joyful.
We are all the same in essence, we are all sensitive and delicate beings, we all want to love and be loved and just be who we naturally are – isn´t it then not utterly ridiculous and preposterous that we make it so complicated? Of course it is, and it is not just a personal thing but one humanity is facing since ‘forever’ due to pursuing self-fulfillment outside of oneself. Time to return inwardly as you have done and we all should wisely do. A woman´s beauty and love are irresistible when coming from the inside out and that makes you indeed a super scrumptious woman.
Alex you have totally exposed what is at play. It is so true everyone wants to Love and to be Loved, what is shared in this article is that when we nurture and spend time with ourselves exploring and deepening our relationship with ourselves, to learn to truly love ourselves then we can naturally love another. This inner-essence is as you say within us all equally so and it is our natural state of being.
‘Just being me is like finding the rainbow complete with the pot of gold at the end.’ I can really relate to that Nicole and enjoyed reading your article very much. Nathalie Benhayon surely is a great inspiration. I am starting to see a glimpse of the woman I really am and loving every second of it.
Wow! How exhausting it must have been on you and your body to always be shape shifting so much and never for you just being you which is what you truly wanted. So many people in this world play this game and no wonder there is a need for so much energy boosting substances nowadays!
This is a great realisation Joshua, our bodies are certainly left depleted of loving energy when we are making choices to cover up and hide the truth of who we are. It makes sense when I think about how full and expansive my body feels when I breath, live, love and be just for me. There’s a sense of ease and simplicity in living and allowing others to live however they are choosing to do so too.
Good call Josh, connecting these two phenomena. I wonder what other reasons lie behind our need for the ‘extra energy’ supplements that in the end only add to the burden on our bodies? I’ll confess to one – eating more than I need to when I’m tired rather than addressing why I’m tired. We need to get as honest as Nicole has here about the reasons why we might be living anything less than harmoniously with ourselves in our bodies.
I agree – how normal is it n our society these days to be one way at work, one way at home, one way with friends. This lack of consistency is not only exhausting but might be why so many feel a underlying tension in life, as they are very often not truly themselves.
Nicole I can relate to being a chameleon so that I could fit in with different groups of people. It was quite exhausting. I have lots more energy now that I just allow myself to be.
As a woman I was trying to be a darling daughter, a supportive sister, a wonderful wife, a marvellous mother, an awesome auntie, a fantastic friend. Gosh, no wonder I was so tired. There was nothing in there based on who I was in relationship with me. I didn’t start trying to figure that out until I was 50 years old. And it did take a while to find my way into who I was, but I got there as we all will do if we apply ourselves to developing the relationship with ourselves. At 64 I feel younger and more fulfilled than I ever have……….because I know who it is I am living with. Thanks for a great article, Nicole. I too am inspired by Natalie Benhayon’s example.
I love this Gayle :”I feel younger and more fulfilled than I ever have……….because I know who it is I am living with.” I am so with you here as I feel exactly the same, I feel and look younger than 10 years ago even – and living with my self is just great.
Great blog – I often prided myself on being a chameleon until I realized how exhausting it was. I love how you have shared your journey of reconnection and discovery of the real you. What I stood out for me is how foreign it is for women on the whole to take this time for ourselves without guilt or resentment, without thinking that it is selfish. In my experience when I pay attention to those details and appreciate what it is that supports me I have such a solid foundation to stand on and live from
Me too Nicole – I used to think it was a great quality to have, to be able to be a chameleon. It resulted in a severe burnout for many years – a condition that I was able to completely turn around with the support of Universal Medicine.
Agreed Nicole being a chameleon is so exhausting.
Me too Nicole. It is an exhausting way of being, and a lifestyle that doesn’t actually bring any reward or joy. For a lot of my life I’ve wanted to ‘fit in’, particularly at school, but the thing is – when I did have a large group of friends, when I was looked highly upon in school social hierarchy… It felt no different to being alone and not being ‘popular’.
“Just being me is like finding the rainbow complete with the pot of gold at the end. I have found the Holy Grail . . . the familiar feeling of running into an old friend, Me!! I now have a sense of not needing to look outside of me anymore to make myself feel loved.” Amazing, thank you for sharing Nicole!
Thank you Nicole for your sharing. I so much enjoyed feeling your absolute preciousness through the lines. This preciousness that you now give room to blossom brings healing to us all.
Thank you Nicole for this wise and playful blog.
I can so so well relate to what you are sharing.
Ending a partnership in the most loving way I could have ever imagined allowed me to finally start to discover who I really am instead of being the indeed perfect chameleon for everyone.
Discovering this step by step is like not only finding the holy grail, but finding it every day again and again ;o)
Nicole, you are so gorgeous. Having known you for years, I know how absolutely amazing you are. To hear you appreciate all that you are for yourself is glorious. I love how you describe the most simple of things, which when you write on paper seem absurd, but it’s true…do we actually know what foods, music, activities, etc. we like, or have we been programmed and assumed these as our own. Taking time out to really feel this is so supportive to ourselves, and then as you have shown, everyone else in turn.
This is a great blog Nicole. It really brings home how much we can morph into something other than our true selves. I love how you describe getting to know who you are from the inside out with the support and example of Natalie Benhayon. She has certainly been leading the way in expressing the true qualities of a woman for many years and has inspired me enormously too. I am now exploring my natural delicateness and sweetness. Two qualities I walked away from many years ago. It is a beautiful homecoming that is for sure.
This is such an accurate description of so many of us Nicole, and something I have always recognised in myself, bending one way and another to try and fit in wherever I was and with whoever I was. I have never thought about a chameleon being a reptile before, its changing colours have created a false perception in me, but more recently in my life, after working with Serge Benhayon and Natalie Benhayon, I could start to feel this “cold blooded” approach I had to life, and trying to be liked and like everyone else is certainly cold blooded, it is total protection of the heart and has no love in it, it is all about “me”. This is so different from finding the true woman within and living to nurture her and nourish her with great care and love so that we CAN choose to just be and live from that essential inner heart place that will then nourish everyone else too.
Very true Joan – changing different personas so often has in the past left me feeling what you describe as ‘cold blooded’. The spark inside me wasn’t allowed to express, and by shutting it down I was left feeling empty and nameless.
Thank You Nicole! A timely article, to remind us all to let go of that cold chameleon suit, and begin to express ourselves and re-learn who we are as women (I love the dot points- and to explore more of my feelings). This has been an inspiring read. Your language is poetic “like a gardener who keeps adding to and maintaining the beautiful space that has been created.” Yet it makes SO much sense.
Nicole the discovery of the real you is the best adventure ever. I feel that many, if not most of us have played the chameleon game to some degree at some time and wondered why we are left feeling empty inside. I too have found Natalie Benhayon to be a great role model, and your story is very inspiring too!
Nicole, I thought I alone lived life as a chameleon and found that this was not the case. It was a tremendous release and blessing to drop my cloak of guises and reveal the truly wonderful person that hid away for so long. I too have been re- discovering the true me and loving the journey.
That ease that comes from just allowing ourselves to be us continues to amaze me. Like you said Nicole when we try to play roles, shapeshift to fit in it does leave us feeling like something is missing. What I am finding more now is that when I do hold back how I feel it all starts to twist inside me into something not pleasant at all. The more I connect to me the more I feel things like eating to distract is hard to physically swallow or walking in my head feels very heavy or typing not with me feels like I am cutting myself short and small. In a presentation Natalie Benhayon shared that a woman knows herself through her body and I have found this to be true the more I pay attention to my body and how it feels. With support I am developing a clearer picture of how I truly feel and how the not me feels.
Hi Nicole,
You are an amazing young woman and it is a privilege to feel how much you are claiming yourself back in a world that tells us we need to be everything but ourselves. The true depth of wisdom that you have is amazing and it needs to be appreciated and sung from the roof tops! really it does… the change within you, inspired by Natalie but chosen by you is such a big process and you are now the one that is capable of inspiring so many.
Love your article Nicole, waking up to the truth of who we are is like finding the rainbow and the holy grail all in one. Learning to live from that truth takes some practice, and not without some pain as I discover deeper layers of what I have run with that is not true, but the treasure is so great it is worth more than anything else in this life.
I fully agree with you Anne – I can say more or less the same, and when connected on this deeper level to ourselves it is truly so : “the treasure is so great it is worth more than anything else in this life.”
Nicole it’s simply beautiful to read how you have re-connected to the gorgeous woman you are. From molding and morphing yourself to fit into the needs of others to now being your own woman and knowing who you. This is very inspiring for me and I am sure for other women of all ages as we can go through life pleasing everyone around us, to the detriment of our own health. How lovely that when we do re-connect to that quality within, we realise that it has been their just waiting for us all along.
What I have found is that as I morphed myself into something I am not, it lead to illness. This was my body showing me very loud and clear “stop being something that you are not” and that when we are presenting to the world who we really are, our body is naturally harmonious. This has been a big ‘aha’ moment for me recognising that if I am being someone different to who I really am, my body will show me with telltale signs.
Donna, this is so true. I can feel it in every bone in my body! Literally, I can feel my body is stiff and run-down despite me eating a very healthy diet and sleeping well and exercising gently…I can feel that, even though these areas can and will certainly still refine, the big ‘issue’ for me to look at, is that I have not Truly been living Me! Also, thanks to Serge Benhayon & Natalie Benhayon I am beginning to get a glimpse of what it actually is to live me. And, as Nicole shared, I am feeling it can be a lot of fun.
What an amazing turnaround Nicole, the beauty of you being YOU shines out so brightly. Thank you.
I so love what you have shared Nicole. I can relate to being a chameleon. I realised a few years ago that I could not bring all of my friends together as they all knew me for being someone other than I was, and all different. I would not know which one to be if all my friends were there together as I would mould into what was acceptable in each circumstance.
Oh Heidi, I so know this feeling. I remember never celebrating my birthdays with large groups because of this chameleon dis-ease. Exactly how you’ve said it, I wouldn’t know who to be and I didn’t want to be outed as a liar! That’s what it felt like for me, lying to all these people because none of them actually knew who I was. I’m sure they could feel my essence and that’s what they were actually in love with, but the layers I put on top kept me from feeling the truth, that my friends from different groups all had one thing in common, they loved me. I think I just healed something.
Hey, i know that suit, it suited me for a long time! Whenever i was suited up it meant i didn’t have to share or shine the ALL of me. I wore that suit for so long that I forgot the innermost of who i am because i had been too busy fronting up in my suits! Fortunately I chose with the support of Universal Medicine to get rid of the suit and now my own true style totally rocks!
This is an awesome blog in exposing what we do to ourselves when we live disconnected to who we truly are. I can so relate to what you share Nicole and know that I have not lived the whole, real me and have a kept a big part of myself hidden and protected. I too can relate to playing roles and identifying with them, patting myself on my back for doing it because in my emptiness it felt like I was achieving something and was being believed in what I was presenting. However, as you say, the falsity in this and the emptiness would always be there and be felt, becoming even more resentful and unhappy, which I tried to keep hidden and buried. In most peoples eyes I looked like I was doing well, but underneath I knew this was not the case. Simply being all of me did not occur to me because there was a deep belief that this was not enough. Since meeting the Benhayons I have learned that not only am I more than enough I am in fact pretty awesome! My daily commitment is to let go of what I have taken on so that I can live and love more fully with all that I am!
A beautiful reawakening of yourself as the gorgeous woman that you are, Nicole. To find our true self and to share this with the world is such a gift for all. Thank you.
I find that’s the fun part too Nicole- getting to know what you do and don’t like rather then going off what you think other people want of you. Natalie is an amazing woman, just talking with her is fantastic. Even being in the same room as her is inspirational.
I can so relate to feeling like you have found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow after working with an Esoteric Practitioner and building that re-connection to self… I can also relate to the chameleon approach to life, mastering how to fit in rather than just being me in all that I do. Great article Nicole, thank you.
A most delightful blog Nicole. I loved reading about your transformation from the chameleon, peeling backs those layers of protection that were not really you, to re-discover the beautiful woman you always were. These words made me smile: “Just being me is like finding the rainbow complete with the pot of gold at the end.” – Nicole, you are both the rainbow and the pot of gold!
Rod Harvey you have depicted very clearly just how far reaching one’s reflection of presenting the Real ‘Me’ can be — imagine what the world would be like if others followed your example to shed their Chameleon coats and strip back to the bare based bones of being who they truly are. True relationships would flourish, mental illness would dramatically reduce, people would be healthier and have more vitality and joy…and that’s just for starters. Why wouldn’t we choose to share this reflection of us ‘naked’ — no chameleon coat put on to mask us or to dull our ‘inner sparkle’.
Ruth I love your reference to being ‘naked’ and revealing our own unique expression. We have strayed far from appreciating, accepting and celebrating the beauty of our nakedness and then supporting ourselves and each other to work together by using each of our strengths and abilities to build a world of love and harmony.
I agree that it is an amazing process to rediscover what I really like rather than what I have been told to like and gone along with without really questioning if it feels right for me or not. It is shocking sometimes how strong the pull is to fit in and to do what will get me liked or accepted or recognised rather than what feels true to me. However it does feel amazing to honour myself by being completely honest with myself about how every aspect of my life actually truly feels in my body. Thanks Nicole for your inspiring and honest blog.
I agree Andrew – to allow myself to rediscover what is natural and supportive for me and my body, is an amazing process. One that is forever developing.
I too lived life a chameleon, and was actually pretty proud of the way I could change to whatever I felt someone else wanted me to be! Not only is this entirely disregarding of oneself, it’s actually a incredibly manipulative way to live. By reading other people so well and changing myself to fill their needs, they were in fact being tricked and manipulated into what I needed them to be for me – I needed to be needed. As you say Nicole, this is an exhausting and confusing way to live – we end up not knowing who we are, which in my case resulted in a feeling of desolation and desperation. Where do you start when you haven’t a clue who the real you is? I thank God that I too met Natalie Benhayon, Universal Medicine and Esoteric Women’s Health. Day by day, with commitment to being myself in full, I am learning how it feels to be me.
It is amazing how we can live like you have described, being an expert at knowing what another needs and being all too willing to deliver it , all the time leaving ourselves out of the equation and empty of any true connection. More amazing still to realise this and begin to allow ourselves some space, some opportunity to discover and uncover who we really are underneath and to start to live connected to ourselves, beginning to enjoy the simplicity that brings and the treasures that unfold along the way.
It is amazingly perverse how we want to hide what is truly beautiful and innately ourselves to instead offer the world a very poor substitute. Especially when within we are ‘beautiful, tender, delicate and super scrumptious’ women!! A gorgeous blog Nicole – thank you.
I too have found Natalie a great inspiration – her innate beauty, sexiness and joy for life have allowed so many to begin anew with building a true and ever deepening relationship with themselves.
This is absolutely gorgeous Nicole – I can certainly relate to what you shared about playing the chameleon and fitting in; I’ve tried all different personas left right and centre but none of them felt like me. I think something that hit home for me from reading your blog is actually how fun it can be to get to know yourself – go on dates, cook things that you feel like, dress in a way you want to etc… Before when people said things like, ‘you’ve got to learn to know yourself’ I went straight into reaction like, ‘How on earth do I do that!!!?’ and thought it would be a long and painful task. Definitely not.
OMGee Me too!
Thank you for sharing Nicole, I can relate to what yiu are saying. I used to do my best to fit in to every situation and group, like you I mastered being the chameleon. So much so I remember thinking its crazy everyone at school knows of me, but they don’t actually know me. Whilst I could say I had heaps of friends most were distant acquaitances and they were very much about using each other. There was no love. No the more i am simply myself the more real connections i make with people and the more i appreciate who i am and dont try to fit in. Natalie Benhayon has been super supportive over the years at helping me claim my sensitivity and the man that I am.
It feels like you have been taking off all those layers that kept you in disguise and what was underneath is sooo beautiful!!, what a great list of things to reconnect to oneself, when you say you have explored: what I (emphasized) feel to eat, the places I (emphasized) like to go to, it makes me wonder, about my choices, and if I actually live the life I (emphasized) choose…great claiming of you. I love your blog and will re read it again. The feeling I get is so sparkly and deep at the same time…
I agree Julia, Nicole does feel sparkly and deep. I enjoyed re-reading this blog and the sharing from others 🙂
A beautiful sharing with us Nicola – Sitting with this for a while I realised that until my younger son left home it was the turning point that I then gave myself permission to then nurture myself. I had for a while before that started to take onboard that I was equally as important as all those I was ‘mothering’ but I had not truly felt what an amazing woman I was/am. My coat of many colours was somewhat dulled by all the doing and being that in there somewhere the true essence of me got lost. Like you share I started to get to know myself ‘more deeply’ and stopped looking from the outside for answers – an amazing journey it is too. Letting go gradually of all those deeply ingrained patterns that I created. Natalie Benhayon is such an inspiration and is a truly amazing role model for all.
Thank you for sharing this with us, Nicole. For a long time in my life I would do a very similar thing of trying to figure out what someone else needed in order to get them to recognise me or be grateful, but what I wanted or what what my life was asking for was put on the back burner. As a result, what would come up inevitably was a strong force of resentment, which I would try to bury for a while until it became unbearable. Now, what I am learning is to honour myself, and make honesty about what I want, need, like, etc etc my starting point as a way to honour myself as being equal to all others.
Yes Naren, that old chestnut of resentment is not far away when we let the chameleon run our lives. I love how you also referred to ‘what my life was asking for …’. This confirms for me how our own distinct expression is waiting there to unfold; to reveal the fullness of the beauty and deep love we all truly are. It was beautiful to read how Nicole shed her chameleon skin when she connected to her own amazing expression.
It’s lovely to read how loving it felt for you to shed your chameleon coat, and allow people in to experience you being your natural self.
What a beautiful blog Nicole and reading other people’s comments it seems being a chameleon is something most of us relate to as we have tried to fit into life. You have shown here what happens when we let that go and return to who we are in our essence – tender, beautiful, loving and wise.
Thank you Nicole for such an honest helpful and revealing blog .From being a chameleon to just being me and the beauty and true gold you have found is very beautiful to read and know for myself also. I am sure we can all relate to this and the something missing always being missing the real essence and love we are. To realise and find this through our own journey of coming inside and building a deep connection with ourselves really is the pure love we are all looking for. The reflection from this is awesome and inspiring with everyone as is the inspiration and role model Natalie Benhayon for all women and her healing sessions are pure magic. Away with the ideals and beliefs we have all taken on and in with the true real women and men we all are.
Thank you Nicole for sharing such a beautiful blog which I can relate to very much especially to playing the different roles to ‘fit in’ with everyone. For me, I felt extremely insecure and would worry incessantly about what others thought of me. As I develop a loving relationship with myself, getting to know the real me, I am finding that I am becoming stronger and the worrying only occurs on the odd occasion. ”I cannot help but smile when I look at how far I have come.” It is incredible the changes taking place within the students (myself included) of Universal Medicine and this piece of writing is a testament to this.
Nicole what a great sharing of everything you have embraced. It’s like you have shed an old skin to discover the true shiny and incredible you that was always there. Very inspiring!
Yes, shedding the old reptilian skin and finding that underneath there was a gorgeous delicate one all along.
Gorgeous! It only took me about 35 years to work out how I like my eggs cooked, rather than having the same as my partner, whether I liked them like that or not! What a joy to discover your true self Nicole and long may it continue, long may that beautiful scrumptious woman keep getting bigger and brighter. Thank you for your honesty and sharing, very inspiring.
This is made me laugh Rowena. I can so relate to not making my own choices for a long time, going with whatever the other person was liking but never making the commitment to feel or explore how I liked it. I now also have been playing with things and more and more get to know how I like my things in life, actually I am pretty confident with knowing it at the moment I have to say. This is awesome to notice seen where I have come from!
Yes Rowena and Lieke realising that we can actually make our own choices and that THAT it is our responsibility was a real revelation for me. When we play the roles as the chameleon we never hang in their long enough to know what it is that we truly bring.
Love it Rowena. How many of us can relate to the seemingly small things, like having our eggs like our partner, that really add up to a whole life that is not truly us? I know I can!
Yes, the small things in life are actually the ones that decide the big things and they can bring constant joy and harmony. The big things often grow out of the small things.
It is the same for going to courses – how you live your life between the courses decides substantially what you get out of the courses and decides how much you keep from the courses.
Vive les petites affaires!
I liked this too Rowena. I’m realising that the ‘easy going’ person who doesn’t want to disturb the norm or whatever is going on is actually abusive, especially to themselves. I’m enjoying speaking up about what I feel like to eat or do etc, and allowing myself the space to choose rather than feeling helpless and ‘going with the flow’.
I’ve tripped up on this one too Racheal – by ‘going with the flow’ according to where everyone else stands, we put ourselves at risk of getting swept away in the current, for in order to keep up with others, we first have to override our own rhythm. If instead we remain true to the flow that flows within, we can never be dragged out to sea because honouring our innate rhythm is honouring the greater rhythm in which we are held. Thus, be true to the flow that flows within and you will never drift far from shore.
That is beautifully said Liane. I love how you take it further to our rhythm and the bigger rhythm that holds us. I never looked at it like that before.
So funny Rowena…and at the same time not. I have eaten meals because people want me to eat them, cooked meals my partner liked, generally said “yes” a lot and have been generally very lovely, very agreeable. Very easy going.
The fact that I was a seething mass of resentment on the inside was not so lovely, not so agreeable. That chameleon style reptile suit is made of rubber and it doesn’t breathe so easily. It bends and contorts so much that we don’t even know how we like our eggs!
Like you Nicole I have started the process of suit removal. I’ve discovered that saying “no” when I mean no is actually saying “yes”…to me. And I don’t actually want to be agreeable and easy going. I want to be me. All of me.
And I like my eggs poached, yolks slightly runny in the centre.
This is a very sweet blog. Completely relatable for me as I had been a chameleon as well for far too long. And then it felt like Natalie Benhayon woke me up from this deep slumber of given up and withdrawal. And in this process I too have discovered that there is a genuine person here who has a voice and likes and dislikes – what a revelation!
Wow, Nicole, I love this blog. I can relate to certainly not being me for most of my life. Most of my decisions were made by taking into account what the other person wanted to choose, to do, or whatever. I did not really feel that I could push my own likes onto the other person. I would say, whatever you want to do etc. If I actually stated what I would like, it often did not marry with the expectations of the other person. It came to the point that I often did not actually know what I did like or want to do. I absolutely lost myself for most of my life. I would have termed it ‘I disappeared myself’ and now realise that is what I deliberately did. Oh such a big Ouch. I certainly did not like myself.
Since I met Serge Benhayon and attended Universal Medicine presentations, I have very gradually come to find my true self under all the subservient layers I had placed over myself. And like you, over the past several years especially, I have been inspired by Natalie Benhayon, who is such a role model for all women in living as a true woman in all her tenderness, power and strength. I too began to have beautiful sessions with Natalie to discover more and more of the woman that I am. I found especially through the Sacred Movement classes which Natalie introduced, I have begun to expose more and more of the beautiful, sexy woman that I truly am.
Nicole, what an honest sharing. I can relate very much to having lost the sense of who you truly are. I also am on my way to finding back to the true me and even if it is hitting holes the process starts to make fun. Natalie Benhayon equally for me is a role model, where I know this is how it feels to live the truth, claimed and powerful.
Nicole, how gorgeous it is to just be you and it shows. Thank you for sharing your story as it helps us all understand that our gorgeousness and amazingness is just under ‘that self-made reptilian coat’ and it is time for us all to let go the ‘reptilian age’ as it went out with the dinosaurs. Let’s reveal it all by ‘just being me’, as you have shown us Nicole.
I think there are millions out there who are being chameleons, I used to be a brilliant one myself and thought this was a great skill, but actually, what you describe is the same as what I have come to realise and actually it’s quite an ugly, manipulating way to be with people, I hadn’t been myself for so long I have had to re-learn who I am, ask myself what I actually love to do, and appreciate the natural way I do things. I can relate to it being like dating too, getting to know myself, paying attention to me and treating myself with deep care…and then I start falling in love with myself, as life is so much simpler and more enjoyable when you can just be yourself.
I too thought that this was a great skill that I had honed Laura. I used to pride myself on the fact that I could fit in with anyone anywhere. It was only after I was supported to reconnect and begin to know who I truly am that I could see how exhausting being a chameleon is and how lost I really was.
So true Nicole. I too have been inspired to shed the skin of conformity and live the woman I am. Your words that say it for me are “I now have a sense of not needing to look outside of me anymore to make myself feel loved” and in connecting to the love that I am and always have been, if only I’d chosen to be aware of it, I am having fun being the woman I am with no need to strive to be whatever I think others expect of me.
Mary I can feel the power within your words “I am having fun being the woman I am with no need to strive to be whatever I think others expect of me.” . The interesting thing that I am finding though still, is that if I lose that true connection to myself, the thoughts of still wanting to ‘not rock the boat’ or ‘meeting what I may see as an expection from another’ are still there just lurking somewhere in the mire, waiting to bring forward those old beliefs of ‘not being enough’ or ‘not measuring up’. However, as a result of attending the Universal Medicine presentations and spending time with the beautiful practitioners of the Way of the Livingness I am soon reminded the choice is mine.
I am with you on this Mary, “I now have a sense of not needing to look outside of me anymore to make myself feel loved”, and re-learning and allowing myself to just be me.
Thank you Nicole for openly sharing what I am sure many women and men can relate to. I know I can and looking back on this way of behaving I find it shocking to see that even though I was choosing to keep changing in different roles I was not aware it was happening which shows how far away I was from having any sense of myself and who I really was. The simple ways you used to discover you are inspiring – thank you.
As is your name, this is a very wise and beautifully written article. There are many different phrases and images that I love and connect with as I read it. The one that particularly stands out today is, “Just being me is like finding the rainbow complete with the pot of gold at the end. I have found the Holy Grail”.
I agree Jonathan all the colour and the riches of re-connecting to the real and whole glorious us that has been busting to come out for eons. And now the time is here.
Thank you Nicole. What a gorgeous honest share. I know your journey so well, you might as well have written it on my behalf. Not only have I been a chameleon to fulfill what I have thought everyone else’s needs and expectations were, but I myself have had a host of ideals, beliefs and expectations which I have been playing along to as well and often these have been far more inhibiting of my freedom of expression. Natalie Benhayon is a great role model showing us that it is indeed time that all of us women lived the beautiful, tender, delicate and super scrumptious women that we are as you have chosen to do.
Awesome Nicole! I really enjoyed where you wrote about discovering the music YOU really liked and the way YOU like to dress and what actually made YOU laugh. That was superb. I too have had a lot of fun re-discovering this and I play with life everyday.
Me too, Harry, getting to know ourselves from the inside out is glorious!
I do totally agree Harrison, the way I thought I needed to be has shaped a lot of my life, and rediscovering all the things I have missed from myself is an amazing experience. Everyday is a joy to live, not a full-time job calculating all the moves I made.
Wow, I am just realising how many of us have not lived in honour of who we truly are and what this means. The fact that we need to rediscover ourselves raises some very big questions, like “how did we get to this place where so many people are abandoning themselves to fit it in” What are we trying to fit in to? Why aren’t we celebrated for who we are as children and instead moulded to fit some societal ideal or other?
Your blog Nicole and all the comments offer an amazing eye opening and inspiring new way forward, a new pathway back to our true selves, for all who read it.
It is just so plain and simple. And it is such a treat to re-discovery who we actually are after years and years of modifying our behaviours to ‘fit in’.
Yes, Harrison, building a relationship with me, discovering more of myself every day and what I enjoy and what I am really feeling is a wonderful joyful unfolding and quite surprising at times making me realise how there have been whole pockets of not living me at all.
Wise words Nicole Wise that deserve to be seen by men and women throughout the world. And imagine what that world would be like if others followed your example to shed their Chameleon coats and strip back to the bare based bones of being who they truly are. True relationships would flourish, mental illness would dramatically reduce, people would be healthier and have more vitality and joy…and that’s just for starters. The changes you have made in your life are inspirational Nicole.
Here here rod! The power of true change! It is something that every person in the whole word wants, and its something that Nicole has found! True freedom in being herself, effortlessly, unconditionally and freely. Another amazing woman stepping out of her chameleon cloak to live life and live it wholeheartedly for the beautiful women that is within.
Agreed Rod! I could also see that there would be no competition especially between women… just an appreciation for each other’s quality and beauty. Imagine how honest and simple life would become!
Great point Rod. Everyone wears a chameleon coat of some sort as the ideals and roles that we take on in life. How different would the world be if we all chose to let go of the coat and live our real selves. Very inspirational indeed!
Yes I agree I love the way Nicole has shown the reality of the Spice Girls world and why it couldn’t and didn’t last – yes just like a party popper – great analogy. One day all the little girls in the world will have the option of at last knowing what a true role model is. Natalie inspires me deeply and shows me there is another way – and it’s so much fun !
Yes Rod can you imagine just how different the world would be if we shed our coats? Upon each meeting we would know that we were getting the real deal. A consistency in each other would be felt and the way we related would truly flourish and deepen.
So many of us have been chameleon imposters. I know that I was.
Change is here.
May we connect to who we TRULY are…. let go of our heavy coats and allow our true essence to be felt. The world feels lighter just thinking about it. 🙂
Nicole you are leading the way.
Rod whilst reading your comment it really became very clear to me the connection between the strain of being who we are not and our physical and mental illnesses, not to mention our general misery as a species. It’s no wonder we haul our exhausted bodies from place to place, when we are constantly bearing the strain of being something we are not. My goodness the sheer relief and lightness of being to eventually throw off the myriad of different coats and to simply stand in the splendor of who we are.
Awesome point Rod! Just think of the savings in financial and emotional costs and the ease on our health system by living this way… And being true to ourselves.
Very Wise words Rod from two Wise people. If we could actually strip ourselves back to bare bones, and take a good look inside to see were we have been going wrong, and then re-build what we truly wish to be, loving open , honest, and let people see who we really are. I am positive great changes would come from it on a worldwide basis.
Big yes to all that you say here Rod, it is not just our own lives that dramatically turn around when we drop away the masks and roles and let the real us be seen. The ripple effects are enormous — everyone benefits from the choice we make to be ourselves first and foremost.
I can very much relate to the chameleon way of living. Discovering that this actually is not a true way of living but a playing it safe to fit into the world kind of living and what a blessing it is to have a woman like Natalie Benhayon living herself in her fullness every moment. A role model that inspires me to come out of my shell and as you say ‘start living the truth of who I really am.’
I agree what you say Esther, the chameleon way of living is not a true way of living. It is shocking how many of us, including myself have ‘lived’ this way and beautifully inspiriting that we are re-connecting to the true soulful and sexy women we are.
Agree Esther, there is no truth to it at all. Playing save is a massive illusion as it pushes as deeper and deeper into this role play and the growing insecurity of not being ourselves opens up this endless need for recognition and identification. Trying to fit into the world and at the same time creating individuality to stand out and be special and recognized is a horrible plague that needs urgently amazing role models that inspire people to come out of our shell and as you say ‘start living the truth of who I really am.’ All the women I know who have walked the path of living the truth of who they truly are inspired by Natalie Benhayon and many other women are today role models for other people. The world will be slowly taking stock of the amazing service Universal Medicine is offering humanity.
Playing it safe, never letting who we are out therefore never really letting anyone in, this goes on for so long we forget who we are…doesn’t really lead to much joy in life. Thanks to Natalie and Serge Benhayon, I too have been able to stop playing it safe (a work in progress). The joy that has come back to my life and the spark and inspiration I feel daily, is truly incredible.
I loved reading this Nicole and I feel like going through the same process. It is like you said a joy to become more and more the beautiful me again and feeling that I am complete just by myself without needing something or someone to be there for me. I indeed bring that thing I always wanted, Me!
All we want is to be us. Sometimes we have to go through quite the process to know this again. Well worth it I say.
Nicole I can so relate to being a chameleon, that was my method of gaining approval and being liked too. What you’ve shared is a beautiful confirmation of the true beauty within all of us, men and women alike, and the liberation and healing that occurs when we shed this outer facade.
I can relate to this too Jenny, and also spent many years in ignorance adapting myself to suit different situations and different relationships. I’ve found this is something I need to continually be aware of, as even though I am much more aware of these behaviours, I still notice myself sometimes changing or not being myself to gain approval ( ie to be seen as a good mother, employee etc) or for attention or recognition etc. It’s sometimes obvious and sometimes more subtle, but always an opportunity to look at why I feel the need to not be myself in the first instance (which might be a lack of self-worth, not wanting to feel a hurt etc).
And Nicole has also beautifully highlighted the simplicity of shedding the chameleon coat. I love that all we need to do is re-connect deeply with ourself and the woman / man we truly are and honour our inner truth. It’s so simple and just lovely.
The things we do to be liked – it’s crazy. It’s inspiring to read about people who have improved their self worth so much that they no longer care whether someone likes them or not, as their beauty is there every moment of the day.
A few days ago I told a dear friend of mine ‘I am a beautiful man; whether they see it now or later, or not at all, doesn’t change that fact’. This indeed is a result of improved self worth.
Jenny it’s not only ironic but quite sad that for much of my life I championed being a chameleon, thinking that this was the way – the way to live. Something much of our society does as well. Yet as Nicole and so many others have shared fitting it, being a chameleon meant whilst I didn’t ruffle any feathers I didn’t actually know who I was. Learning to shed the layers of chameleon is a true miracle and with each layer shed I find, as you’ve shared, a freedom and liberation.
Awesome blog Nicole – love it. I agree in full Natalie Benhayon is a true role model for women and the way she is with people and how she lives constantly inspires me. I can feel how your choice to shed your chameleon coat has let people see your inner sparkle and how you are now an inspiration for the women in your life too, simply by allowing yourself to be the beautiful, tender, loving woman you naturally are.
Yes Bianca, Natalie Benhayon is a true role model for all women and an absolute inspiration. The joy and wisdom she consistently expresses and lives on a daily basis is within us all just waiting to blossom and flower.
Totally agree Rosemary, Natalie Benhayon is an absolute joy and inspiration – no chamelion coat for her, she presents the full truth of her womanhood with every breath she takes – and in a way that inspires others to live the same.
Absolutely Catherine – that coat definitely does not hide in her closet… She is all of her, all the time, and such consistency is inspirational. As a young woman I am stunned to see someone so confident in themselves when so many other girls I see on a day to day basis struggle with self confidence and self worth. Natalie is a huge role model.
Absolutely Catherine, no adapting and no hiding for Natalie. She brings all of her to the world and inspires many, including me.
Yes, Natalie Benhayon is so absolutely gorgeous, and she actually inspires you to fall in love with yourself! and to want to get to know the real woman (or man) you are intimately. Her relationship with herself does not encourage you to be more like her, but to be more like you.
Yes, Bianca, Natalie Benhayon is an incredibly inspirational woman, but to us men as well! She has an amazing grace and strength in her, yet is conveys a sacredness in her femininity which allows a man to feel just how tender he can be. She does not ever ask a man to be other than what he is. This is something that is truly special.
Whoa Naren that’s a game-changer. Natalie Benhayon ‘does not ever ask a man to be other than what he is’. When a woman truly knows who she is and lives from this fullness, the divisive undercurrent that is designed to keep men and women separate is blown out of the water, and instead allowing through an all embracing love that holds us all equal.
How beautiful to have it from a man’s perspective, and that there is no difference. With Natalie Benhayon we all get graced by the same level of love and dedication and the same level of absolute presence.
Wow Naren that is so wunderbar to have a man talking about what he felt being with Natalie. It would be so beautiful if more women can “convey their sacredness in her femininity” like Natalie so that more men can feel “just how tender they can be”.
I agree Natalie Benhayon is most definitely a true role model and the consistancey that she lives her life in is super inspiring. The dedication that she has to connect deeply to the sacredness that she is as a Woman is the pure truth of what is possible as a Woman. To let go of all the roles we think we need to be and simple be the sexy sacred Woman that we are is without question a more profound preciousness that I now know is possible.
It’s one lie after another when we re-invent ourselves to be what we imagine another person wants us to be. It’s not healthy and the effort we have to go to to keep up the charade is exhausting. It’s a game, maybe people like playing it, like we like watching movies to escape, but no-one really benefits, relationships are but a mere shadow of the possibility they should be. I’m glad you’ve seen through your parts and decided to offer the world someone real.
From my experience, Suzanne, I don’t feel anyone likes playing the chameleon game. It doesn’t feel good and really has no purpose other than to hurt ourselves and everyone else by not truly being ourselves. I am only able to see this now as I continue to stop playing this game with the support of Serge Benhayon and Natalie Benhayon and return to my natural glory, but before this I was caught up in this destructive cycle too.
When you’ve been doing something for a long time, in this case acting in roles for much of your life, that way of being becomes very familiar and we tend to like what is familiar, Robyn. I think once the charade is over and someone sees snippets of the real them and starts to live that, I’m sure that way of being will be preferred, but while the games go on, and while one doesn’t know any different, I do see people enjoying the escapism that playing our roles gives them. You are quite right in calling it a destructive cycle, I’m sure we all might still get caught up in from time to time.
Yes I agree Suzanne and I can attest to what you have shared. Having played the chameleon act for a long time, it does take time to break the pattern. I find that when I am around new people or in a situation that brings up anxiousness the chameleon act is my ‘go to’. I have decided to have a bit of fun with it of late and not to get too serious around it as that keeps me in the act itself or brings on another act which is ‘more serious’ and not the real me either. It is taking a while to distinguish between all those little bits that are still not the real me and what I think is the real me. A marker that I use in my body for feeling is – do I feel completely at ease in my own skin and am I completely present with my body? If the answer is yes, I know I am being the real me.
I know I find myself getting caught up in playing the chameleon sometimes, and it is draining and exhausting and I lose myself in the process. What is it that we are so afraid of by not being our true selves, not being loved, being rejected? Are we not enough for just being who we are. For me being the chameleon is dishonouring myself, and yes it is very destructive because I am hiding myself and keeping myself small and that kind of behaviour never serves anyone. It makes me sad to think of the roles we all play from time to time, it is like we are all playing one big game and in fact, hiding behind each other. It wasn’t until I met Serge Benhayon and his family that I experienced what is was like to be in the presence of people that were 100% committed to being themselves, and this inspiration is what keeps me working on allowing my true self to shine through.
I agree Robyn and also no one likes to be with the chameleon, we all feel how it does not feel genuine or authentic, like your being managed. Yet I too have managed and micro managed my relationships to fit in and be liked by others. Also as I have let this go slowly but surely others are much more responsive to me and much more loving. It’s beautiful what being yourself invites from others.
Yes I agree Vanessa. When I am with someone and they are holding back or are pretending to be something they are not I am left feeling short changed, like I have missed out on a lovely opportunity for something real.
‘It’s beautiful what being yourself invites from others.’ I love this line Vanessa, and have come to know this too. It is a joy to be myself and I don’t get exhausted by it. Instead I get more vibrant and playful as I connect more truthfully to others everyday.
From my experience with playing the chameleon game, it brought nothing but a deep sadness. I was not me, did not know who I was and there was a huge amount of resentment that those I was in relationship with could not see me for who I truly was. But I was expecting them to see me magically as I was letting very little of myself out.
I have to say I felt the same Nikki. I never wanted to not be myself, but I had gotten so lost in trying to be accepted and liked by others that I didn’t really know which parts of me were real. When this was exposed, the sadness felt enormous, but after a period I realised the sadness (just like all the different faces) was just another thing to keep me from really getting to know who I was.
Likewise Nikki – the chameleon game was exhausting to me even though I thought I was in control. To understand that I was playing a role, and to allow myself to drop that, has been huge for me and everyone who knew me as ‘fitting in so well, nice and agreeable’
To claim who I am , how I am feeling and what is true has never felt so freeing or loving.
To be seen for who we truly are is what we want – and it still baffles me that we can spend so much time not allowing that.
It’s so ironic that we get frustrated and resentful at the world for not seeing us as who we truly are, when we’re the ones refusing to show up and be all of who we really are! Blaming the world, and our relationships is a great game that allows us to stay in protection and hiding, and the resentment of that. Really we’re just poisoning ourselves. Eventually we start to feel that living in hiding and in so much protection really hurts – most of all ourselves – it makes us ill and is not our natural way of being, and the more we come out of hiding, the more full life we start to feel, and this then is reflected back to us in all other areas of life.
Hear hear Suzanne – it is indeed a game. We avoid taking responsibility for bringing our true expression to the world.
I agree Eva and Suzanne. It is a game we are playing and a harmful one at that. By us not expressing our truth doesn’t allow others to be in their truth.
I find that in some aspects or situations the roles I have used to hide behind and protect myself have become quite ingrained and therefore it can take a strong commitment in the moment to break that pattern (and not just run with the familiar) before I can express truly. That is why it is so important to really come to know me and develop a deeply self-loving relationship with myself which builds my presence and gives me a ground to express from. And yes, these protective behaviours have all stemmed from shirking the responsibility of true expression in the past.
I agree Josephine, it’s very key to build a loving foundation in ourselves that we can constantly fall back on as we start to out the various ways we have chosen to be chameleons instead of our true selves. Until that time, the destructive behaviours actually become the default foundation, and even though deep down we know the choices we are making are leading us to be more and more lost, more and more disconnected from who we truly are, we don’t have the tools that a true foundation will offer, for us to become honest and truthful and shake off those destructive behaviours.
Dear Josephine, this is very beautiful what you express here about the importance of getting to know yourself through developing a truly loving relationship with you first, your presence and your expression. I can say that this is where I am at also, little by little building and deepening the foundation of love I have for myself that I can then take out to the everyone in my life.
Suzanne when I look back on how I used to be it’s not so much one lie after another in my case, more like ‘one lie fits all’. That one lie was to be nice, compliment others and play down my strengths so as to not make others feel in any way uncomfortable. I even held back sharing about my son, incase other Mums went into comparison ! My behaviour left a greasy streak where ever I went. Yuk !
And Suzanne, invention happens also in jobs or professions, particularly in Sales or Customer Services with the training technique of mirror-match…to get alignment and hence seal the deal. This is how ‘reading people’ is often taught, when in truth reading a person, is just feeling them – without becoming them. Ultimately under (re)invention, we’re changing to morph into another person…to get something back, and this can be addictive, even liked as you say. And this is what causes the drain, this constant retrieving and putting on an act, to win another’s favour for gain.
It’s true Zofia what you share, I can see how we change ourselves in the world of work to fit in with what we think is needed, or in fact required so that we get back what we need. But in the process we exhaust ourselves and dishonour completely what might be true for ourselves in each situation.
Yes Suzanne there are so many lies when we act in any way that is not who we truly are. There is also the more subtle lying to ourselves of ‘I can eat that’ or ‘I’m fine with that’ or ‘I’m not enough’… which is a big one I have used most my life. I’ve never liked playing these games or putting on a false persona to anyone… it felt more like, I will become a chameleon to not draw attention to myself and to not bring up anything uncomfortable for myself or others. The irresponsibility is huge when I look at how this plays out now.
“Not to draw attention to myself and not to bring up anything uncomfortable for myself or others.” Yes, this has been me in certain situations. I have become so used to doing this that at times I can have trouble accessing what I do actually feel and that can be a lie too. Usually it is something very obvious and simple sitting there but I have chosen to override it or simply keep it to myself out of habit or fear of the consequences of speaking out. Now I find that when I do speak in these moments it is always revealing, it often initiates a deeper connection with the other person and it can expose where I am at and a limitation I might be carrying. Either way it is expanding whereas the holding back, hiding or being a chameleon is obviously the opposite.
I can very much relate Josephine. When we’ve been chameleons for such a long time, we can trick ourselves easily in not discerning what we truly feel. What i’ve discovered is this is all part of the unfolding journey of retuning back to our innate wisdom which is absolutely clear but that we’ve buried away as a result of trying o be something we’re not. Little by little, our illusions and tricks can be lovingly exposed, and in being tender and gentle with ourselves we can step forward with more knowing, and more of us, being real. And every time we look in the mirror that’s what we can see — less of the chameleon and far more of the real us, which is such a joy to see.
Aimee that is a good point you have made: “I will become a chameleon to not draw attention to myself and to not bring up anything uncomfortable for myself or others.” Who is not guilty for doing it consciously or unconsciously? Therefore we also need us all to reflect each other were we truly are and were we come from so that we can say more and more no to be a chameleon for us or for the others.
I am wondering, Nicole just how many of us adapt and change like a chameleon to fit in with different individuals or groups around us? I love how you describe, ‘looking forward to the next steps – like a gardener who keeps adding to and maintaining the beautiful space that has been created.’ How gorgeous that you have discovered the ‘beautiful, tender, delicate and super scrumptious woman’ underneath that chameleon coat. An inspiration for us all to be who we are as we are.
I can relate to that chameleon persona. I too was so good at it that l took up professional acting and got paid to do it for many years. It’s an amazingly challenging process to clock it and let it go because it has become so ingrained in me as being me. Im learning to be more aware of it in everyday situations and refrain from doing it. It’s humbling. However it’s worth it and as you say Nicole it’s wonderful to “start living the truth of who l really am.”
So beautifully and honestly shared Irena, this demonstrates a lot of courage and surrender to me. None of those yucky patterns are part of our essence, and this knowing or openess to consider that possibility makes the process of allowing ourselves to feel and let go much much easier.
I think what is key in this process is not to judge the “yucky” patterns so to speak, but to see them as part of “what is not truly us”, clock them and then allow ourselves the space to come back to the essence of who we are. I know that I have used these facades for a very long time that sometimes I think they are the real me. As the process unfolds of seeing and feeling what is the real me and what is not, it is super important to remain gentle and loving and not judge. See it as a little ‘ooppss’ and then choose the real me instead.
Great point Donna. When we stop and clock rather then judge we can make decisions to change how we approach life rather than beat ourselves up over what we should be. This leaves space to then feel the amazingness of who we are.
Donna, what you have written feels so essentially important to me as I judge myself all the time. Although I know that I just hurt myself with this, it is a strong pattern and I find it really difficult to step out of the never ending self criticism. But when I ask myself the question if the criticism is me, the answer is clearly “No!”, so I will take your comment as a reminder of really appreciating myself lovingly today and also in the next days. Time to cut the energy of judgement and self punishing.
Yes Rachel that chameleon coat can get mighty heavy over time. But as we peel off the heaviness of the coat and return to the joy and tenderness that was always there a real lightness shines through. Definitely worth investing in a great pair of sunnies then as the light can be super bright and sunny.
Yes ready to drop the chameleon coat too cold…. And rather rely on the warmth radiating out from my inner heart than rely on the approval and acceptance of others
Love this Jenny.
All that colour changing is so exhausting.
What a relief to let go and stop trying to be someone you are not! Giving myself permission to be myself no matter how it is received feels so refreshing – there is no shame in presenting the truth of who I am or in presenting a vulnerability when I have accepted, appreciated and loved myself for what I know I bring. Without arrogance I can celebrate all of who I am knowing that I can not bring everything, which allows me to fully appreciate another who brings what I do not. Without comparison this makes us equal and for me utterly full of wonder at their amazingness. I am then doubly blessed by my confirmation in their reflection!
Michelle it is a massive relief to just be ourselves, to share openly to be vulnerable to be playful to accept that we are beautiful straight up no compromise. To live knowing your source is the greatest gift we can give ourselves.
Yes I remember attending my first course at Universal Medicine and we were about to do an exercise and we were awaiting instructions and one of the first instructions was that we did not have to DO anything, just be there and be ourselves. The relief that ran through me was incredible as I realised that I am often ‘on guard’ or in a chameleon state to be ready for what is next. It is lovely to just be me – I still get caught up in stuff but when I remember to return to me – I smile and feel my loveliness.
I smile and feel my loveliness when reading your comment Sarah, I agree, it is a relief when we realise that we don’t have to DO anything, it is OK to just be, and once we get used to the feeling of nakedness by being ourselves and not hiding behind a mask or being a chameleon we open ourselves up and allow others in and they can be themselves too.
Yes Sarah it is like our bodies get to breathe more deeply and say “Wow thank you for being you,” now I don’t feel so constricted and tight anymore. I also find I feel like I am shorter from carrying all the burdens of carrying so many different masks and once these drop away, I grow ten feet tall.
Beautiful reminder Sarah. It has taken me a long time to understand this Sarah, to drop the guard and the colour pot…
..I’m getting it now though.
Gorgeous Michelle, ‘there is no shame in presenting the truth of who I am ‘, for many years i thought I was not enough as I was, I tried hard to be something, somebody else, this was hard work and felt very empty. It feels lovely now that I accept myself more and more and know that I am enough and that I can simply say what I feel and be me.
Saying what I feel and giving myself permission to just be me is one of the greatest gifts I can give myself and others as it allows them to be them too.
Yes it is such a relief to be yourself. When I choose to express exactly what I feel with no holding back, I feel so empowered and It is so freeing in my body. At the same time the other receives a blessing to either align to or not.
I couldn’t agree more Mary Louise. It takes so much energy to be someone you are not. I spent many years doing this and would have different friends to fit in with my ‘different coloured skin.’ Now though I no longer need to change myself to be with certain people and enjoy being me with whoever I am with.
I agree as well Mary-louise and Nicole. Feeling free, truly free, is one of the best feelings. It is a horrible reality that we get caught up in ‘have to’s’ and ‘must do’s’ in life that hold us back from living and sharing ourselves ever so freely.
There is such a wonderful richness in exploring the woman I am underneath all my roles and how I choose to express that on any given day, that far outweighs the burden to keep adapting to what I think people want me to be like to be accepted.
Yes Jenny it is so lovely to have fun re-discovering who we really are underneath all the roles we play. It really does outweigh the chameleon coat of burden we have held for so long.
I so agree Kelly, it is lovely discovering the real person under the heavy coat of the chameleon.
And Natalie Benhayon has been an amazing, powerful and beautiful role model for all women, reminding us all who we innately are also.
No matter how pretty a chameleon woman can make herself, it is never as beautiful as the woman who knows herself and lives that.
I wholeheartedly agree Rachel and Nicole. Nicole, your article is inspiring for all women, because how many of us can in honesty say that we have not subscribed to some kind of role? I can certainly relate to moulding myself to suit others, and become a chameleon in order to please and be liked.
It was exhausting and hugely debilitating because of course in doing so, I would dismiss and bury the real me. Natalie Benhayon has also been a huge inspiration to me, to re-discover and cherish the true woman I have always been who doesn’t need to try and please and get brownie points of approval. Natalie has inspired me to be all that I am and to let that be seen in all the joy and true playfulness, to let myself be the real me and celebrate it. This is the biggest gift I could have ever asked to receive.
I do know what you mean Katerina, Natalie Benhayon has also inspired me greatly to stop and really cherish myself and all that I am. Something that this world does not ask of you, it is amazing really the foundation that can be built here, to never need another but instead to choose to be with another to share and shine. There is nothing more important in life then to deeply celebrate yourself while committing to life.
I looked at my clothes 2 years ago and realised that most of the clothes in my closest were not what I would choose to wear. They were the taste of whatever girl friend I had been shopping with. I ended up giving them to these women and went out and bought cloths that I liked. It was not easy at first as I did not know what my style was.
This is what we do in our relationships to, to be liked and seen. But it all comes at a cost if we are loving the love we truly are.
When everything falls away in a moment of deep stillness, it feels like a forever discovering. Wonderful to sit in that place and an ongoing challenge to be in it in daily life.
It might be easier to calculate, Rachel, how many of us are not hiding. I like Nicole’s “costume” chameleon but it could be anything actually. I could imagine that every person on this planet, safe few who are true and real, could have their “costume” like turtle or snail, hippo or koala etc. Pretty much everyone has their protective armor.
It makes sharings like Nicole’s even more precious. I would say Happy Birthday! To everyone who is going though the same process of transformation, coming back to the world in their true beauty.