Sounds cold and reptilian doesn’t it . . . ?
Well it was. That was me. I had built my life around being the perfect fit-in chameleon. It was like I could smell how people felt and what they needed and wanted, and I would adapt myself to fit that picture. I did it with different groups of friends and in relationships I would mould myself as the perfect girlfriend and fit to what I thought was needed.
I would use this talent in bed as well, to make sex amazing for my partners, as I instinctively knew what they liked. However, I would then be left feeling the emptiness of the lack of connection and then resent my partner and the relationship.
My relationships would only last about 3 to 6 months. I would get over playing the role and I would start to feel that something was missing here: I was missing just being me! All the “I love you’s” I had said and the care I had shown was empty, as it was never really me. I had been living with that emptiness within my relationships for so long, with partners and in friendships alike.
I didn’t know who I was anymore: I was interchanging so much I had no memory of me and what it was like to just be me.
Through a friend I met an amazing woman, Natalie Benhayon, who has continued to be a true role model for me. I began attending healing sessions with Natalie and found working with her was supporting me to come back to re-connecting with myself after all these years. I was receiving bodywork regularly, but even just simply talking honestly about how I was feeling as a woman helped me discover more of who I really am . . . beneath the Chameleon.
As I have learnt to build trust in myself and to open up and share not only with Natalie but with many other close friends on a deep level, I have developed and grown to be my own woman, something I had long left behind.
Now I have been re-finding me, getting to know myself deeply, not in the fluffy spiritual sense, but in a simple ways, like:
- Taking myself on lots of first dates
- Finding out what I like to eat
- Discovering what places I like to go to
- Exploring what perfumes I like to wear
- Learning what music I really like
- Discovering how I laugh and smile for me, not for everyone else.
Just being me is like finding the rainbow complete with the pot of gold at the end. I have found the Holy Grail . . . the familiar feeling of running into an old friend, Me!! I now have a sense of not needing to look outside of me anymore to make myself feel loved.
I am enjoying the imperfect and sometimes wobbly process of my rebuilding, looking back at where I was and where I am now and where I will be. I cannot help but smile when I look at how far I have come. I am looking forward to the next steps – like a gardener who keeps adding to and maintaining the beautiful space that has been created.
The beautiful, tender, delicate and super scrumptious woman I am has been hidden under that yucky self-made reptilian chameleon coat for too long. Inspired by Natalie Benhayon’s example, I have realised that I can uncover the real me by simply re-connecting deeply with myself and the woman I truly am.
I have found enjoyment in the small things, like asking myself what I want to eat and cooking yummy foods, taking time in the mornings and not rushing out the door, spending those small moments appreciating who is looking back at me in the mirror. This has been a world of discovery, seeing my beautiful playful face in the mirror and enjoying me.
It has really been great to meet people when I am feeling so amazing and to have them light up when they spend time with me, as me . . . My relationships with others have changed, I am more open to enjoying another person’s company with ease as I now have the confidence to just be me.
Over the past few years Natalie Benhayon has been a true inspiration and role model of how to be a real woman. Her strength and powerful emanation of a woman is something I know I also have equally, but over the years had forgotten. The more I connect to the true me, the more I can feel the old falling away and the true me beaming through. As I live from this I can see all women have the same innate tenderness, power and strength; it has just been forgotten and buried under the ideals of what we believe society wants us to be.
By Nicole Wise, Student, Northern Rivers
Further Reading:
What Happens When You Meet Natalie Benhayon?
What Defines a True Woman? – Returning to Be-You-Ty
We know because of the inner sense that we have that there is something missing in our lives There are a myriad of distractions that take us off course in a quest to find settlement in our bodies.
Enter Universal Medicine and the workshops and presentations that support everyone to not look outside but within; to build a relationship with oneself to learn to trust what we know and not rely on outside influences that are the decoys to take us away from our inner most essence.
What you have written Nicole touches my heart because I was so lost before finding Universal Medicine and today I am that Gardener you speak of that keeps adding to and maintaining the beautiful space that I have created thanks to the absolute and constant support of Universal Medicine.
Living as a chameleon is a way of hiding ourselves to avoid intimacy
“I didn’t know who I was anymore: I was interchanging so much I had no memory of me and what it was like to just be me.” I can so relate, it is having role models in our lives like Natalie Benhayon that show us that it is ok and perfectly natural to be our whole and true self.
“Just being me is like finding the rainbow complete with the pot of gold at the end. I have found the Holy Grail ” Beautiful Nicole nothing in the world beats being ourselves.
When everyone is trying to ‘fit in’ with everyone else, no one knows who they are.
When we step through the mirage of our own and other’s expectations we meet the essence of who we are.
This is beautiful to read Nicole, and so inspiring, ‘Just being me is like finding the rainbow complete with the pot of gold at the end. I have found the Holy Grail . . . the familiar feeling of running into an old friend, Me!! I now have a sense of not needing to look outside of me anymore to make myself feel loved.’
Natalie Benhayon has been such a big inspiration for me too – I think it’s super rare these days for someone to be so content and so embracing of who they are and also how wonderful that is – it’s incredibly inspiring, and it actually gives you permission to feel the same way about yourself.
Thanks Nicole, I’m sure it’s quite common for people to change themselves and go along with whoever they are with and in the process bury who they are. We are not really a society that honours who people are, more so what people do including what they can do for others. Just being ourselves almost sounds simplistic, yet I know from my own experience it’s also the most powerful medicine for a healthy and joy filled life. Having to wear a mask takes a lot of energy so just being ourselves takes a lot of pressure and stress off the body. We also deeply miss who we are when we are unable to just be our natural selves.
Previously I would identify with what I did. Now I have more experience being me does the old way of identifying myself shows up as being disturbing/upsetting etc.
It is no wonder that so many women, including me, end up living a chameleon-type existence, as all around us the world is telling us who we should be, ably supported by the media with endless glitzy magazines, adorned with perfect air brushed faces staring out from every corner store. It feels to me that we become the chameleon because it is way too hard to be us. That’s why I absolutely love Natalie Benhayon and the self-confirming messages she is always sharing with other women. She has inspired me, and so many other women, to peel back our very ingrained layers of protection and to embrace and adore the beautiful woman waiting to shine
Natalie is such an inspiration and forever stepping up to what is next needed, ‘She has inspired me, and so many other women, to peel back our very ingrained layers of protection and to embrace and adore the beautiful woman waiting to shine’.
There is something so solid and appealing about someone who is themselves no matter who they are with, myself I have always been some what a of chameleon too though this is changing super fast as I claim more and more of who I am.
A beautiful reflection of how amazing and empowering it is to re-establish an honoring relationship with who we are within, our essence as we discover that this relationship is the key to experiencing what true love is and knowing that we don’t need to be anything other than who we are. It is then in sharing this love that is a joy to bring to all our relationships whether is it received or not.
We can be truly inspired when we have role models who are living the truth of who they are in full.
It find it very interesting how it can be the very sensitive ones of our world who feel that they need to chameleonise themselves the most. Ironically using their sensitivities to hide and at times manipulate. What is fascinating too though, and as I understand the Esoteric to be, is how it is this very sensitivity which lives within each person, therefore, are we not all just chameleonising ourselves to avoid a major fact about life here on Earth – namely that we are all connected indeed as a one brotherhood, regardless of the surface image that each person projects?
Absolutely and reflecting that to others and inspiring them to reconnect with their divine essence as Natalie has done with us.
Thank you for sharing the truth with those around you and with us and paying such a lovely tribute to the awesome Natalie Benhayon who has inspired countless other women including myself to set out on this journey of exploration and celebration of ourselves and our true identity as the gorgeous women that we are.
Totally agree Helen – Natalie Benhayon is lighting the way of what it is to live the essence, the sacredness of a women and inspiring many women to reignite their connection to their innate sacredness and live the power of who they are – that which is then a lived reflection for many others to also be inspired by.
The beautiful thing about it is that it’s a discarding process, a letting go of everything we’ve taken on to discover the many wonderful and adore-worthy qualities within. We are not truly empty, not enough, or need to become something, as we are already everything within ourselves.
Well said Helen – thank god for women like Natalie Benhayon who are prepared to go there in their own journey of exploring who they are so everyone else can see what is possible.
Let’s face it until we know ourselves deeply and truly, we are all chameleons
Reading your blog today Nicole, has reminded me how far I have come in the past five years as a student, in the past I was always giving myself away to the needs of others, I, like you didn’t know what I really liked or really thought, so it has been a rediscovery of me little by little and in this I am learning to love and appreciate me, for I know there is much more to uncover and appreciate.
I used to be a bit of a chameleon too and would almost pride my self by the fact that I had different friends according to the different aspects of my life. At the time I thought this was great, but when I tried to bring them together it wasn’t so great. What I realise now is that we are all the same on the inside, and by accepting everyone for who they are it matters not one iota what another does. It makes for true and harmonious relationships with everyone.
I can relate to this Sandra and life is so much simpler now that I have shed my chameleon tendencies!
Thank you Nicole, it shows us that we are part of a greater whole, yet have and bring our unique flavor to it. We yet have to get to know ourselves in full, so that we can let all that previous shaping into a chameleon go.
Indeed, Natalie is inspiring as she doesn’t live to any pictures and roles but is just herself in all that she does. She knows her depth, her quality and is very confident in this and this is very inspiring.
Just a little bit of time in the morning to appreciate ourselves and feel how delicate and beautiful we are can make such a difference to the day and what choices we make.
“I have found the Holy Grail . . . the familiar feeling of running into an old friend, Me!” So many of us, me included have spent so much time looking to the answer to the burning question – who am I? – outside of ourselves and as we did we moved further and further away from the true answer. The crazy thing we have always had this answer, all we had to do is stop and turn our gaze inward.
Fitting in is so simple and a game of protection most of us play and could this be a love-less exercise that keeps us from the loving beings we all naturally are? The truth is we need no protection or fitting in as a chameleon, and if we think we do then it becomes impossible to reconnect to the love that is within our inner-heart.
The game you share here Greg has become so subtle in how it can have us ‘thinking’ we are on track but sooner or later we get to feel that what we thought was true is far from what is felt to be true when we connect to being real and honest about life.
Thank you for this blog – I lit up when I saw it again because I am also working on my tendency to be like a chameleon but for me I feel it is less calculated and more like a defence mechanism. In life instead of being myself, I choose to blend in, to take on behaviours outside of myself to remain a part of the background and defend myself by losing myself and fitting in. Either way, it is slowing rebuilding connection to the body and to who I am – living that – that is important.
This is a pattern I am very familiar with. A chameleon that adapts to whatever is needed without a consideration for what it is that actually supports me and others – with no commitment to me being who I truly am. This blog exposes the games we play and the act we put on to be what we think others want, but this leaves us with no true sense of ourselves.
It is much simpler- absolutely agree- but also more comfortable to stay in the pleasing role everyone needs or does not rock the boat too much. So the decision is: comfort versus responsibility.
I used to be a chameleon as well- I came a loooong way with that…As it is not that obvious anymore, I observe myself / am being aware of very precisely where I don’t stay in my authority with all that I am, realise and emanate when I am with someone. As it does give a strong reflection, which makes people possibly react, it is about not shying away from that- even though I could sense the reaction before. It is uncomfortable because you won´t be everybody´s darling but it is the only way to reflect the truth in full.
Loved reading your blog Nicole it’s Gold! It does not seem a ‘big thing’ but it is truly profound having the confidence and ease to be all of you and en-joy yourself while in relationships. “My relationships with others have changed, I am more open to enjoying another person’s company with ease as I now have the confidence to just be me.” How many can truly say that they are all of them in relationships?.. this is the beauty of Universal Medicine and all that it offers.
This sentence jumped out… we can spend a lifetime trying to please others and then a revelation – “I have found the Holy Grail . . . the familiar feeling of running into an old friend, Me!!” The day I found this in me, life simplified, it got deep and wide like a river and the effort of always pushing upstream trying to be something I am not is dropping away.
I love this sharing and can so relate to it. I am learning to give myself space in each situation and to learn how I feel about things. Learning to express myself and what I like or what would work for me, it is freeing for all when you do this as it allows them to do the same.
Nicole, I love this; ‘Taking myself on lots of first dates, Finding out what I like to eat, Discovering what places I like to go to, Exploring what perfumes I like to wear, Learning what music I really like, Discovering how I laugh and smile for me, not for everyone else.’ This is very gorgeous and makes me realise how often we compromise to please others and how we often put others first.
Realising that I have acted like a pretzel most of my life was huge – it was an amazing and freeing feeling to recognise how I had learnt to bend and twist myself to fit in with people and situations, because then i could begin to change this behaviour and begin to be more of who I really am in life
“Just being me is like finding the rainbow complete with the pot of gold at the end. I have found the Holy Grail” Ah so true and its free!
One of the most revealing places where we are a chameleon, as you say, is in the way we speak. We are so used to changing our expression according to our environment that, if observed from afar the average person would be exhibiting signs of split personality at the drop of a hat. The thing is once we discover who we are our true voice will never change, and we ourselves can just be who we truly are
What a celebration this blog is – to now appreciating and enjoying your face and the depth in your eyes reflected back at you in the mirror Nicole.
“This has been a world of discovery, seeing my beautiful playful face in the mirror and enjoying me.”
Oh the release of the shackles!! I have been a chameleon, an adaptable human being…making sure I cover every base with everyone so that not a single person has an opportunity or excuse to not like me. I’ve changed my ways for the better, and whilst at times I get caught out by my old tricks, for the most part, I’m a lot more comfortable presenting myself as me and I’m less attached to how people might respond.
When we discard the false protection of the cloak of many colours we discover the truth of who we naturally are is there within us and we can have fun “appreciating who is looking back at me in the mirror”.
This is the journey of getting to know YOU. How many people say, “I don´t know who I am deep inside”. Allowing and having the courage to peel off the layers we consciously put on, will show you the real you again. And I can say out of experience even my face changed immensely letting go of all the cloak of colours I chose to wear out of protection and comfort.
One of the most liberating experience there is is to simply be able to be ourselves in all environments and with everyone equally
‘The more I connect to the true me, the more I can feel the old falling away and the true me beaming through’. Beautifully said Nicole.
Really there is no greater price then the love we find that was there all along.
Reading this has confirmed and clarified for me something I have felt for a while. I do feel very open and I want to be with people when I am myself. The only time I don’t want to be with people is when I believe that I have to be something I am not. So simple and it feels pretty cool to have what was once so confusing now clarified.
ˇseeing my beautiful playful face in the mirror and enjoying me.” yes you are very playful and its always a joy to meet you. Thank you for sharing.
Hey Nicole, this is an amazing description of how it feels like to fall in love with yourself – you’ve really captured the magic that is possible. I completely understand when you say you love the imperfect moments, and all the small moments of rebuilding – and I love how you describe all the different ways you got to know you. The relationship we have with ourselves is one billion percent worth building and developing all the time.
Thank you Nicole – you have shared what I am sure many of us have experienced growing up and also in life in general. I know I certainly did but often thought at the time, I was alone in feeling this. The roles we play to be accepted, recognised and feel a sense of belonging, all of which in the end, when we are with ourselves leave us feeling at a loss of who we truly are. Like you I also have discovered that there is no greater confirmation of who we are than being who we are. You have summed it up beautifully how enriching it is to live in connection to who we are – ‘As I live from this I can see all women have the same innate tenderness, power and strength; it has just been forgotten and buried under the ideals of what we believe society wants us to be.’
For years I perfected my chameleon act and then felt short-changed that others seemed not to ‘get’ me! It has been so revealing to peel off the layers and let go of the need to fit in and for me the joy I am finding in exploring my relationship with myself is reflected in the deeper connections that are emerging with others.
For starters I love the pics with this article !! And yes until we know ourselves we cannot help BUT be a chameleon… because the only way not to be IS to know who we are
The moment we stop looking outside of ourselves to be loved is the moment we finally take responsibility for our own lives. When we love ourselves we have everything we could possibly want.
“As I have learnt to build trust in myself and to open up and share not only with Natalie but with many other close friends on a deep level, I have developed and grown to be my own woman, something I had long left behind.” It is so important to start to share who we are with not just the ones we trust but with everyone. I often find how I am myself with people close to me and who know me, but can hide a whole part of myself with people I am not so close with, and try to make them like me instead of being real and truthful without fear of them thinking I am awkward. Thinking about it, it is so strange how we can most parts of our lives not be ourselves! And then wondering why we don’t feel the full joy of living…
If we are not ourselves in life, eventually things come unstuck. I was very much a chameleon too Nicole but through the inspiration of Natalie and Miranda Benhayon in particular, have learnt to be and to value myself and the flavour I bring to people and life as unique and important. It is so much more enjoyable and easy to live this way.
Someone I knew some time back, used to say all the time when they saw me, your such a chameleon, and I used to think that was a good thing and that it meant I was changing all of the time. But I think what was really happening there is that I was changing myself to fit in to different circumstances, or trying to find the real me within life.
I wonder how many women (and men!) could say the same or similar about the inspiration and life changing interactions they have with Natalie Benhayon? My guess is in the 1000’s. The thing is, Natalie Benhayon is not special – the difference is that she has committed and dedicated herself to living and expressing who she is at all times and that’s the reflection that changes so many lives around her. We can all do the same.
Getting to know myself truly and deeply means that so much has fallen away. I had crammed my life with so many activities and so much stuff. A spaciousness has opened up in my life on a daily basis although my life is full, the fullness now is of a different quality. The old ways try to creep in and they do some times and they show me areas where I hold hurt or fear of hurt. This I can take to a session and be supported in healing.
Thank you Nicole for sharing your experience, one I can relate to, I had hidden myself away for a very long time relating from what I thought people wanted me to be, there was none of the true me to share with anyone, a very empty life. These days thankfully through Unimed presentations I have come to know that there is a true beautifully tender me deep inside, one that I have been able to accept explore and express, it has at last been okay to be me, the true deeply loving me.
It is indeed inspiring to witness people living the grace and power of their essence like Natalie Benhayon. I know the pattern of being a chameleon well. The thing is when we are on the look out for what others need and adapting to that, we end up in a relationship that panders to the needs and limitations of both parties. But when living the grandness of all that we are, this honours and invites the other person to also connect and live the grandness of who they equally are.
You know Nicole, sometimes when I look at people it feels like there is another version available if they would choose. I feel that the person we make available for others is a limited one, at least that is what I can feel with myself. I give others a certain amount of me but not the full version. I’ve beginning to feel lately that it’s time to bring the full version though.
Ah reading this and introducing the process of getting to know myself feels amazing – like a beautiful step into appreciating who I am for who I am – not what I do or how I interpret how other’s perceive me. It’s like a process of becoming confident, this is who I am and loving and accepting all of me. What fun I can have with me! It’s like so simple yet something I’ve waited for from others – their getting to know me when I don’t know myself now seems crazy – or shall I say somewhat flawed? 🙂 – on reflection.
I happen to know your laugh and it is utterly gorgeous so I am very glad you found it again to let it light up the world when you do. Amazing that we can travel so far from such intrinsic and natural beauty to search for something we already have in spades.
I can so relate Nicole to what you are saying, I used to pride myself on the fact that I could change to adapt depending on who I was with, though at the end of the day this left me feeling anxious and exhausted.
Isn’t it great to let all that go and instead discover that just being ourselves is enough.
Yes Samantha – It’s a huge skill to be able to calibrate and adapt to the crowd we are around, and to also remember who is who with who! Utterly exhausting indeed.
The initial thought that came to me when asking ‘What does the real Leigh like?’ that exploring such a question was too hard. But it really isn’t and the moment I claimed this the first thing I can claim is that the real me likes, if not loves, warm tea! It makes my whole body feel yummy and supported.
It’s a sad fact that the world we live in doesn’t nurture or support us to make choices consistently to experience the end result of feeling absolutely yummy and content within ourselves, Thank God for people like Natalie Benhayon in the world that show that nothing in the world around us is worth giving more attention than what we feel is needed for us to be ourselves in the world.
The bottom line is when we are able to just be ourselves, what is not to love, because love is what we are, and anyone with a problem with that is only jealous.
Awesome blog Nicole, and what a gorgeous woman has emerged from the Chameleon skin. I love how you now appreciate being you, sharing your light and love for all to appreciate and enjoy.
Living life enjoining others in order to be liked or accepted is exhausting and eventually takes a huge toll on our bodies, it is only unitl we reconnect to our bodies that we get to appreciate deeply our own qualities and how much joy and ease life is when we choose to be who we truly are.
I love the appreciation you share about enjoying the simple ways in which we care for ourselves. These are so important to be aware of, fully connect with and allow any delicious, beautiful and playful feelings be fully honoured. Like choosing ‘the underwear’ for the day simply because of how we are feeling and to honour ourselves and choosing to expand on that – for ourselves – very often no one else will ever know.
Thank you for the reminder to allow surrender in my body to the natural flow of what’s available. Trying to work it out is exhausting and headaches come as well, blocking the connection to a great awareness that is available with the surrendering in my body: life is simple, clarity is present and complexity isn’t present.
“As I live from this I can see all women have the same innate tenderness, power and strength; it has just been forgotten and buried under the ideals of what we believe society wants us to be.” Beautiful Nicole – and so true.
I too have been a Chameleon most of my life. I saw it as being compliant or easy to get along with, but in fact it was giving away who I truly am and avoiding confrontation. Therefore the end result is who am I? Something I am finding out by allowing myself to speak my truth and acknowledging and loving the person I am.
This has been something I have been looking at in terms of ‘standing up for myself’ which to me has been a process of learning when I follow another’s advice just because they said it, doing something my whole body does not want to do, feeling uneasy as I try to claim what others have said or done as my truth and the bigger ones – accepting how I feel to live even if no one else likes or accepts it, accepting what I feel to say and do even if I get ignored or rejected. And the other one would be – standing as I feel to stand, because I have been noticing that I take on the stances of others, like a chameleon I copy their body posture. Learning to be me and stay with me is an ongoing process but with role models such as Natalie Benhayon I know it is possible.
Natalie has also been a very inspiring role model for myself too. She breaks down all the moulds of how we should be as women and inspires in you and inner strength that can ignite the real you to come out.
Natalie is very much herself and through her living and expressing in that simple way it inspires others to connect to the same quality in themselves – it has certainly inspired me and continues to do so. This may sound a bit obvious but somehow or other pretty much everyone miraculously manages to present someone other than who they truly are which is why it feels so amazing to meet someone just being themselves!!!
This is so simple and lovely Nicole, ‘ spending those small moments appreciating who is looking back at me in the mirror. This has been a world of discovery, seeing my beautiful playful face in the mirror and enjoying me.’
“Finding out what I like to eat” this is a bombshell of a one, how many of us really eat from our heads, what we ‘think’ we should eat, what someone else eats, instead of what we feel, and what supports our body.
“I cannot help but smile when I look at how far I have come” A beautiful appreciation of the blossoming of the true woman within.
Natalie is certainly a wonderful inspiration, a woman who supports and encourages us all to shed our reptilian skin and be our true natural selves.
I love what you have expressed in your blog Nicole; thank you for being the inspirational woman you are.
I am on that same return journey Nicole, thank you for sharing yours! I am realizing that I need to ask this question more often ‘Who am I truly?’ And allow myself to discover more of me as there are so many pictures and concepts that we grow up with, it is a jungle to find your way out of and back to simple, amazing ME.
Growing up I thought that being a Chameleon was a good thing, I kind of championed it to others and joked about it.
If I was dating a homie G I dressed gangsta, sporty guy, I was in sports gear, if I worked at a night club door, I was in dramatic fur and gowns. I even themed my outfits and behaviours to the places I visited, making it very confusing and disconnected way to live. I have also been supported by Universal Medicine and Natalie to re-discover who I am and I tell you, its actually far easier to be me than to try to be what I think everyone else wants me to be!
I too have been guilty of the Chameleon role in the past Nicole. It is not one I would like to return to because as you say we then don’t really know ourselves either. To return to our true selves and show who we are to the world, makes life more real and we get to feel like a real person in our lives!
I relate to so much of what you share in this blog in feeling like I should be or do things in a particular way as this is what is expected. Now with the role models of and inspiration from other amazing True Women like Natalie Benhayon and others I have retrieved what actually feels right for me. This feels super important as in the world today we are bombarded with so many different images it is a necessity to stay true to ourselves and I agree fully with what is written here -“As I live from this I can see all women have the same innate tenderness, power and strength; it has just been forgotten and buried under the ideals of what we believe society wants us to be.”
I can really relate, I used to be so many things to so many people yet like you I have rediscovered who I am and no longer feel to ‘switch’ in order to fit in.
I love this Nicole ‘Just being me is like finding the rainbow complete with the pot of gold at the end.’ How true this is and the more we live and express who we truly are there is a ripple affect to others who feel inspired and supported by our loving choices.
How can we really know anybody if we don’t know ourselves, because if what we put out is not a reflection of our true selves and isn’t true , it is then interpreted and reflected back, so that isn’t true either and so on and so on.
‘Just being me is like finding the rainbow complete with the pot of gold at the end.’ I love this line. It embraces the level of freedom and harmony available to us once we put aside the images and ideals of what being female – with all its associated roles – should be and instead begin a relationship of self-discovery, of getting to know ourselves for who we truly are.
Great to read this blog again Nicole Wise and to feel the truth that we are all there in full always but the real me had in the past ‘been forgotten and buried under the ideals of what we believe society wants us to be.’ Natalie Benhayon is a light shining for all women and men and you are correct we all have the potential to live more fully who we are, just like she does!
I can relate to what you share here Nicole as I played the chameleon role as well. Never knowing who I truly was, I became what everyone needed me to be and ended up exhausted, depressed and feeling empty. What a joy it has been to re-connect to the true me and learn to live this more each day thanks to the deeply inspiring and truly supportive Natalie Benhayon.
I love the honesty with which you write Nicole, none more so than: “I am enjoying the imperfect and sometimes wobbly process of my rebuilding”. I too know that wobbly process and that these times can be very challenging, but from the moment I realised that, yes, there is a beautiful woman under the layers of self protection and lack of self worth I had hidden under, my commitment to peeling back what was actually not me has been so steady. This process of re-discovering me has been a joy, and like you, I too have the amazing Natalie Benhayon for reflecting back to me what a true woman is, and for that my appreciation is immense and endless.
what a travesty that we do not consider ourselves glorious enough to reveal all of who we are in relationship with each other, and with the world. Instead so many of us play a game of being what we think we need to be in order to please everybody else – and ironically it is not just us that suffer and miss out as a result but the whole world.
Starting to really get to know ourselves is something not on many peoples radar… and yet, if we want to get of the “hamster wheel” this is the place where we all must start.
Thank you Nicole. Having met and had esoteric healing sessions with Natalie Benhayon myself, I do concur that Natalie is someone who really knows who she is as a woman and because she lives that and is so honouring of herself she is able to support so many women to come back to who they truly are.
Your words ‘As I live from this I can see all women have the same innate tenderness, power and strength; it has just been forgotten and buried under the ideals of what we believe society wants us to be.’ Made me question – who does it serve for society to want women to be any other way?
Through millennia this has been the case and with the current rapid increase in women’s health problems, that conventional medicine has no answers for and are unable to detect the root causes of, it is time that we started asking what is going on and whether it is because the true tenderness, power and strength of women has been lost that these health problems in women are so prevalent?
So gorgeous Nicole that you have grown and developed into your own beautiful divine woman; and what a woman you are. There is no doubt Natalie Benhayon is a wonderful inspirational person, as you are Nicole.
Having been a chameleon for most of my life, I am finding these days that I am enjoying asking myself what do I want instead of what does everyone else want, and if I do or say something which doesn’t fit in then that’s ok also, and it is refreshing to not worry about what others think of me. This I feel is growing due to self appreciation and having the realisation that I don’t have to be anything for anyone, and that I am enough just being me – no bells or whistles, just me.
Julie I thought I was the only person that acted and felt like a chameleon, but what I am finding is there are so many people who also have lived in the same way. It is no wonder so many people feel frustrated and “fed up” with life as I know for me, it was all about morphing into who I thought I needed to be. In that situation, there was none of the true David coming out. As you share and as Nicole share the more I simply be myself the greater I enjoy life and enjoy me.
Living in disconnection to our innermost is so common, it has become the norm in so many ways. When you describe the life you were living Nicole, before starting your sessions with Natalie Benhayon – I could definitely relate and know many others would also. The thing is most people do not recognise that they are living with this disconnection because it is reflected that this is the normal way to live. Where has this got us so far as humans? What you describe here in coming back to the connection and knowing of who you are is what so many people crave. By building this reflection, others too can feel it is possible to live with this connection, and this can in fact become the ‘normal’ way to live.
“This has been a world of discovery, seeing my beautiful playful face in the mirror and enjoying me.”
How often do we just catch ourselves in the mirror and allow ourselves to have a playful moment enjoying who we are? So often we go to the mirror looking for flaws, or confirmation that we ‘look ok’. What if instead we were open to seeing all the awesomeness we are reflected back at us to see? We can only appreciate this awesomeness in our appearance, when we can feel it and value it from deep inside ourselves. Our lived quality is what allows us to feel amazing, and never our external appearance.
Nicole I loved the list you had about getting to know yourself deeply. I was reflecting recently on how much I would change, buy clothes or not, wear certain underwear or not, depending on whether I was in a relationship or looking for one. In this I was constantly measuring how someone else would perceive me and what I wanted that response to be. In this I was never actually being honouring of myself. It has been amazing, and really beautiful to reflect on now, in developing this solidness in relationship with myself too. Buying clothes for me and because I feel to, and wearing clothes not ‘just in case’ I might bump into someone are marked changes and definitely worth celebrating!
Great ‘Down to earth’ honesty here, Nicole. I loved your statement – ‘I am looking forward to the next steps – like a gardener who keeps adding to and maintaining the beautiful space that has been created’ – for the template you have discovered is already there and has always been there, it is up to us to maintain this space – pulling the occasional weeds, turning the soil over gently to expose what needs to be exposed and being careful to tenderly nurture what is growing and producing beautifully. What is there innately and nurtured forth feeds the heart, bringing joy, harmony, stillness and love. Thank you for sharing.
Contorting and compromising ourselves is so common. When we allow ourselves to feel the freedom of honouring precisely what it is that we feel to do, it makes it much harder to go back to this way of limiting ourselves.
How easy is it just being you
Yes, and in simply being you, it offers another to simply be themselves too, breaking that vicious circle of putting on a face or impression. It just cuts the game playing.
Thank you Nicole, I know all about being what I think everyone else wants me to be, I have lived this way for way too long. I am now on a road of self discovery, realising with loving care there is a me and asking myself what is right for me etc. In coming to understand myself as a woman, there is no greater reflection than that given by the amazing and deeply beautiful Natalie Benhayon , she is every woman’s dream come true.
All the inspiration Natalie Benhayon brings cannot be summarised in words as the magnitude of it simply exceeds the expressed word. She brings a wisdom and knowing that never ceases to amaze me, and with such love it can be disarming if you are not used to that level of tenderness. She supports many women and men all over the globe, and there is no end to those she will assist. She is a truly remarkable young woman that I am honoured to know.
Nicole, it is so true what you share here about Natalie Benhayon, she is a constant living reflection for us all with her commitment to herself for humanity. I am humbled to the core feeling the level of love that she holds for us all, and I feel that deep level of love calling me to be more of the same.
Nicole, I recognize the chameleon in me too. It’s ridiculous how we put so much energy into being what we think other people want us to be, yet what they really want is the real Me.
Nicole I love your honesty and wonderful transformation back to who you truly are as a woman.
Yes, I too can relate to having been like a chameleon to fit in, be loved, accepted, only to end up feeling exhausted from playing the game and empty within. And, likewise I have been inspired by Natalie Benhayon in learning how to reconnect to the divine beauty, preciousness and sacredness within .
You have written such a brilliant blog, Nicole, and I can, like hundreds of others, relate to having lived a life like a chamelon. Boy oh boy is that exhausting. Always measuring, always feelings into what other people need, want and like just so that They would Like Me. Yuk! I have also started noticing more and more how other people are chamelons in relation to me and it just doesn’t feel right at all. I have also noted how I get more insecure around people who act like chamelons instead of being themselves. I can feel there’s no sincerity there, so I become insecure in what’s real. In the end others make their own choices, while I always have the choice to make mine and stay with me no matter what. Thank you for this beyond brilliant account. Awesome.
The chameleon analogy is such a great way of portraying what truly goes on when we choose to not be who we truly are. The coldness and dampness this comes with almost symbolises the misery and pain of what it is like when we separate from the innate warmth and joy within
It really is amazing how much effort it takes to not be ourselves… if people only new this, stress and anxiety would plummet, as would the sales of coffee
What you have shared is brilliantly awesome Nicole, thank you. To feel a woman truly cherish herself for who she is, as you are, is powerfully inspiring. As it ignites the flame in others also to appreciate their own fire burning inside.
Rediscovering yourself is such an amazing experience, it opens up a whole different you where you are no longer a stranger.
Reading this blog at such a perfect time – the ways in which I am noticing that I can make these changes away from just being me are less obvious than they used to be and can sometimes be very subtle but none the less they are there. I am inspired by reading this to get to know myself more and not to get caught in the blaming of others for the choices I have made to not just be myself.
By taking on the expectations of society and living the roles assumed to be true, women have forgotten that innately they are not what they have learnt but so much more. It is beautiful to see women being reawakened to the amazingness that innately lies within them as they are inspired by women such as Natalie, who remind them how to live connected to the truth of who they are.
Dear Nicole, I can relate to many things you have written. I changed very much in my life to not make others uncomfortable or to not cause reactions in conversations and I can still feel this energy in me when I talk to certain people. What I did not want to feel all the time is that there is a big anxiety underneath all of that. I never saw myself as an anxious person because I am quite confident on the surface, but the anxiety is there and since I deepen my connection to my body I can really feel it more and more. Now I can really face it and work on letting go of my patterns emerging from that anxiety.
This blog really makes me take a good look at myself, to see what areas that I stray away from just being me, and what circumstances still are there to allow this to happen. I can see that I am definitely not perfect and there will always be room for improvement but at least I know more of who I am than I used to. I really love how you playfully took the time to find out what you really like, I’m going to explore that more myself.
Nicole you have written a blog which a lot women can relate to, I certainly do. I am discovering the beautiful delicate joyful woman I am by living from my inside instead of listening to what others think or have to say about me. What you have shared about how you find enjoyment in small things like appreciating when you see your beautiful playful face in the mirror is such an important tool to become who we truly are. With these small things every day we build a rhythm of appreciation and this is very powerful. And I can fully agree Natalie Benhayon is an awesome inspiration for all women of all ages.
This is a great honest sharing Nicole, thank you for writing this blog. It feels such a relief in the body when you just let yourself be you. No pretences, pretending, its like calling ‘a spade’s a spade’. The work of Natalie Benhayon and Esoteric Women’s Health, has supported women globally, to return back to the essence of who they are and live this. And living THIS, is true everyday medicine for women’s health.
For so long we have disguised ourselves as seekers, pleasers, those that crave attention, those that shy away from recognition. For too long the true beautiful women you speak of has been hidden from the world ~ and no longer will that continue to be the case. With women like you and Natalie Benhayon the true beauty of women will be learnt once again.
During the first four years of high school my emptiness ran high. The tension of feeling it was very real. Being in my body and feeling this constantly was not a pleasant situation. My body was not the best place in the world to be in. Relieving the tension became paramount. Masturbation (on my own) and chameleonic relationships (with others) became my way. I knew how to play out other people’s expectations and desires. Seemingly I was there 100% but in truth I was not. It was a bit like you are there but with one eye you are looking somewhere else. The feeling of this is not good, it was very clear. I did not fool myself. But I did not know anything different. The truth is that I was not ME for most part of my life. So, pretending was a huge part of my daily life. One day, I realised I could not pretend anymore. I had to face myself and start dealing with me.
Not being our naturally amazing selves is so exhausting and I definitely feel it at the end of the day when my right kidney is feeling uncomfortable. I am now learning to lovingly call out the self judgement when I am not with myself as that then ends up being a double whammy on the kidneys.
I feel the same but it is my left kidney that lets me know – if I haven’ looked after myself by being me and have compromised myself in anyway. I usually feel the tension in my shoulders and at the top of my back and clock into that during the day and usually need to be still, take some breaths and allow the stillness to return and loosen the hold those old behaviours have on me.
Nicole- what an awesome sharing. I feel that many of us including me, have presented a picture to the world that is not who we are inside. It feels safe to hide away behind this false picture but after a while it hurts us. I am experiencing the joy in being me more fully but am probably not quite there yet!
A penny dropped for me when I read, ‘I have found enjoyment in the small things, like asking myself what I want to eat and cooking yummy foods’. I have heard a lot about feeling what the body needs to eat, and in the past few years I have begun to find this a challenge. What I realised as I read Nicole’s blog, was that I had laced this process by having an expectation ( and judgment) of what my body would want to eat. This meant that for me the process was totally devoid of the enjoyment that Nicole speaks of, and which is just bursting from her blog. I had twisted the process and allowed it to become a battle ground, and then I pretty much gave up. Really the chameleon was at work here. Time to shed that skin…….so body, what do we really want for breakfast? Just say, and I will cook you some yummy food.
This is really important Catherine. Giving our body permission to just be is key. Any expectations that we place on it really do impose, and result in us compromising ultimately. Allowing ourselves to constantly learn, and have no perfection in the way we live is a beautiful freedom we can give ourselves.
It is so exhausting to not be ourselves around people. I always felt this deeply at the time of doing it but then almost held my breath until the situation had passed. Not a pleasant experience to put myself through. But now I am much more aware of the consequences and lasting impact of not being mysef, and am aware that it has consequences and knock on effects that last well beyond the moments of not being ourselves. If I feel exhausted by the end of the day then it’s not long before I can track back and find the situation in which I wasn’t being me.
Thank you for writing this blog about what feels to be one of our most basic human rights – to be ourselves. yet before understanding what being me was I couldn’t remember ever having been me. I remember asking a friend who was doing the work for some advice about teaching. She said ‘just be yourself’. It felt like all of my being was saying ‘absolutely’ to that but at the same time I was wanting to say to her ‘i don’t know what being me is.’ Now it is the most amazing thing to be embarking on that process of getting to know me, and in that process I’m realising just how much I love me.
Natalie Benhayon is simply here to serve. To show us what we have walked away from by simply living it herself without reservation. Yes she is amazing, as are we all. Time to shed our ugly coats and step into the glory of who we truly are and allow all the world to see so they too may join us.
Nicole, a really great piece of writing, a very honest look at yourself and how we all manipulate ourselves to fit into situations. It is very interesting to watch how this plays out between people as an observer, knowing how we have ourselves bought into that same behaviour too. Learning to be true to ourselves, is both freeing and very self loving, as it opens us up to see the truth, and to be part of that truth everyday.
I haven’t completely freed myself from the chameleon behaviour, but I am definitely less invested in pleasing others and saying or being what they want me to be. I feel it has a lot to do with my connection to my body. This is where my authority lives. The authority that says this is me.
How true Nicole. I had well and truly lost any sense of myself as a person over the years as I did my own particular type of chameleon act. It was confusing, draining and overwhelming trying to fit in with what ever I thought was required at the time. It has been a real revelation to come to an understanding that the most powerful thing I can do is to come back to learning to be the real me. This has required me to drop some of the ‘doing’ and learn to just ‘be’ myself which is definitely a work in progress, but even the changes made to date feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Awesome blog Nicole, the amazing changes that I can feel within you is incredible. How one women can inspire such change and encourage such depth in relationships.. many relationships is incredible.
Wow Nicole, this article could be signed by my name, too. I can feel the same patterns and being a chameleon fitting in for others and their needs and to be such an specialist for knowing what they want and even knowing it before they know it. Haha, what a game of dishonesty and disregard, I am not playing anymore. Game over, thanks to all the wisdom within me what I had found back thanks to Universal Medicine.
Re-reading this amazing blog, this is what stood out for me Nicole ‘I didn’t know who I was anymore: I was interchanging so much I had no memory of me and what it was like to just be me.’ A scary thought is that most people live like this, I certainly know I have. To contemplate that the person we ‘connect’ to is not really the person at all…. who is it we are ‘connecting’ to then?
Resenting our partners for not giving us what we wanted, after we’ve effectively asked them for way less than what we require, not to mention that this is asking them for something we can only give ourselves – it’s all such a common and silly game that we can end at any time. It’s just a tad confronting!
Very true Oliver. It’s a vicious cycle that we get into to avail us of the responsibility that we ignore – that we are the only ones who can bring true fulfillment to our being.
It’s so liberation to be so connected to who I am that I also no longer feel the need to be a
‘ chameleon’. We all think a chameleon is amazing in its ability to change and blend and that’s it’s natural way but for us it’s not…. It’s exhausting! Without the role playing I can now feel the spaciousness in my body not having to carry around all the preconceived pictures of how I should be, which now allows me to meet a person and be present with them without the performance.
It’s great how you point out that when an ability is our natural way it is amazing, but when we copy this amazing ability from another (in this case a chameleon; when it is not our way to be, than it is far from amazing and very exhausting. And what is equally hurtful is that we also deny our own amazing ways when we think we need to be someone else.
In the past I was caught up in all my roles of being a super-woman and super-mum and super reliable friend…etc that I lost completely who I was, and had no clue how to self -care and self-nurture because I was taking care of every-one else. Thankfully, I let that old way go, and now I am claiming and expressing myself as a woman, the beautiful, wise woman I am.
Isn’t it amazing how many people can relate to this idea of being a chameleon as the only way we can get through life. How did it come to be, that so many of us have felt that life is a chore, something that has a beggining a middle and an end, and that struggle is basically the only kind of ticket you can buy to experience it.
Thankfully, there are people like you Nicole, blowing the whistle on this notion, and exposing it for what it truly is. A complete lie. I’ve experimented with not being a chameleon, and actually – it’s pretty cool.
This is so great. By accepting that we are awesome and just going with that theres far less anxiousness when we go and do things. I like the idea of that because we don’t have to be anything, we can just be ourselves.
I too now understand that being able to be a chameleon is actually denying and hiding the power and truth of who I am as a woman. Such is the illusion of fronts and playing roles to get acceptance and approval rather than living a level of self-acceptance and self-love which requires no smoke and mirrors!
Gosh this has really let me feel how I have used my ability to read situations (“I could smell how people felt and what they needed and wanted,”) to deliberately keep myself contracted into whatever another needed of me …and so I could feel worthwhile, appreciated and ‘loved’. However, Natalie has been a role model to be able to undo this way of being and present how we can instead appreciate and love ourselves and regain our self respect and self worth.
Great call Rosanna – ‘so I could feel worthwhile, appreciated and ‘loved’. – What we haven’t done to be ‘loved’…
It never ceases to amaze me how much we all have to offer just as the people that we are, with out the need to chameleonise ourselves and how much we can genuinely be accepted by those around us.
True words, Shami. Being ourselves is such a blessing for the world and for ourselves, I am discovering this more and more as it becomes more natural to just be me because I accept this grandness that is in union with the universe and god. Nothing that can top this.
The expectation as some of us are growing up is that we will make that effort to fit in. It would have been lovely to have been shown how to appreciate the differences in expression between us and to celebrate that, but instead many of us learnt how to shape ourselves to fit the situation. When you wrote that you were exploring what music you like Nicole, I realised how far I had tried to like things I really didn’t like and even to laugh at things that I didn’t find that funny just to be a good audience. The thing is that when I am really myself I am much lighter and laugh more anyway without having to try.
Wow – changing to fit in to whatever the picture needed me to be is something I have done for a long time. So much so that at times I cannot distinguish the picture from what is being real. I am looking at this to discover the real me and like you Nicole about to embark on a self discovery journey to get to know myself.
Love your honest comment Sally – I agree, it is crazy how far we have let ourselves stray away from who we truly are.
There is a grace and ease that comes when one drops the pretense of trying to be everything for the world.
Yes Adam, its like letting out a great big sigh!
Beautifully said Adam. The ‘ease’ can feel like a whole new concept, but it’s just that, when we are in our bodies, not against them, everything becomes simple.
A great article Nicole exposing the chameleon that we have all been at one time or another ,using it to fit in or be liked or maintain being liked by a group or individual. I can relate to being a chameleon myself many times instead of fully claiming me and the awesomeness I bring in the true power of being myself. Whether people react or get jealous is really there issue, but the chameleon just wants to fit in and not be hurt, then hurts itself and the possibility of its own flower to blossom and bloom .
It is super exhausting to not be who we truly are. Adapting, adjusting, complying, compromising, moulding to what we believe is expected of us is so deeply harming of ourselves and others. You expressed it so beautifully, Nicole. Your transformation into the gorgeous woman that you are is the testimonial of your commitment to leave behind all that you are not. And, it is inspiring to us all. We are so very blessed to have a constant reflection from Natalie and now from many other women who, like you, shine the amazing Beauty that they are at essence.
I recognise a lot of what you have written here, especially not knowing what I liked and didn’t like. Being a chameleon seems to be the ultimate pleaser, changing who you are for others but at the expense of ourselves.
Beautifully expressed Nicole. I can relate to all you have written and feel that the chameleon is a thing of the past. Thank you for reminding me how far I have come in rediscovering me in my womanhood.
Exhaustion actually always comes form not being oneself. If we try to perform something different or more or even less than we are – we exhaust ourselves.
“…all women have the same innate tenderness, power and strength; it has just been forgotten and buried under the ideals of what we believe society wants us to be.”
Thank God for Natalie Benhayon, Serge Benhayon and many other inspiring women and men. I too have come back to me, expressing from who I am, moving, singing, connecting from what lives inside me, an abundance of beauty to share with everyone.
Very inspiring, I love how you are appreciating how far you have come and it is very beautiful to read. What you’ve shared is so honest and relatable. The list of things you are now allowing your self to discover is something I am starting to do too. In the past I have been in fear of making choices for me because I felt that was being selfish. How crazy was that? Now as part of my self-love initiation I am really starting to express how I feel and what I would like to do. Learning that I am equally important as everyone else and it is no longer acceptable to play the nice person but to be loving both to myself and others equally.
A great description for how many of us attempt to fit in with society “perfect fit-in chameleon”, we do all we can to not get hurt and to fit what we think others expect of us. It shows how much energy we put in to doing so. I always felt I did not conform and would not be beholden to what other people thought about me, and this was to a degree truth but on reflection, I have only been willing to go so far and I would hold back in fear of being attacked or ridiculed. Is it shocking to be ourselves, to be just enough as we are, to express from our inner most being, surely not…We can be ourselves in all our glory and with love. And if people react to it, that is just the way it is, do we collude with the ‘not good enough’ or the ‘keep myself small’ or do we express ourselves in full? Natalie Benhayon is a wonderful genuine example of a woman stepping out in full, with grace and deep love.
“I would use this talent in bed as well, to make sex amazing for my partners, as I instinctively knew what they liked. However, I would then be left feeling the emptiness of the lack of connection and then resent my partner and the relationship.” I adore your honesty in this comment Nicole, for many years i puzzled over the emptiness & lack of intimacy i felt post what i deemed as amazing sex. I had fallen for the belief that this was the portal through which true intimacy was delivered – adopted the cliche of post sex cigarettes as presented in the movies (this dates me!). Today not only do i realise that true love and intimacy begins with me and how i feel and choose to live but also that intimacy is not something that can be compartmentalised to evening dinners and weekends away but is a quality that can be expressed in every moment if we allow it.
Beautifully said Lucinda. Intimacy is an expression in every moment, its an openness that allows people in with no protection necessary – something I am learning that is not about a doing, but comes from me being with me.
Yes beautiful Lucinda and Jinya; ‘ Intimacy is an expression in every moment, its an openness that allows people in with no protection necessary’, will take this lovely reminder into my day.
Absolutely Lucy Dahill. If we all had Natalie reflecting back to us during our school days, how to just be yourself and the amazing power and beauty of that, it would indeed have been our true normal and we would be flying. It would have turned our whole school experience on its head as we would be little walking amazing powerhouses.
I am not sure where I would be without Natalie Benhayon, she has been a true role model to me. She appreciates and loves herself deeply and holds every women with that same amount of appreciation and love. When you are with her you cannot help but feel how beautiful you are as she reflects this back to you. I am blessed to have her in my life, she inspires me to deepen and develop my connection to my delicateness and power as a woman.
Wow Mary-Louise, that’s very special to have someone reflect back to you how beautiful YOU are. That is a true mirror and speaks of the love for humanity Natalie Benhayon has embodied.
So right, Nicole. I was a chameleon of reactions to what I was expected to be, but always defying it to try to be myself. Like you, “the more I connect to the true me, the more I can feel the old falling away and the true me beaming through” – and it’s like the sunrise!
Love this Dianne.
I don’t think we know we are being a chameleon till someone comes into our lives to show us what it looks like to live not as a chameleon. It is just called ‘normal’! I am so pleased to have so many people in my life that show me how freeing it can be to simply be ourselves. It is the permission I am sure we all longed for as children growing up. School days would have been so different if that was our normal!
“As I have learnt to build trust in myself and to open up and share not only with Natalie but with many other close friends on a deep level, I have developed and grown to be my own woman, something I had long left behind”
What a transformation and what a stunningly gorgeous, divine, woman you are.
I loved reading your story, so honest, simple and very inspirational.
What a joy it is to connect to with, and to love, the real Nicole Wise.
Nicole, the joy that emanates from your blog is to be celebrated. I had a smile from ear to ear reading it. All of the coats, disguises and false personas you have shed over a relatively short period of time in returning to the beautiful, vivacious, and glorious woman that you are is nothing short of a miracle. A miracle of your own doing/being, through your day by day choices to return to the love that you are. An awesome sharing and a gift to us all.
I agree, it is very beautiful and inspiring. It is a huge credit to Nicole for changing her life around and for appreciating how far you have come. Your journey is incredibly inspiring as so many of us have gone through very similar patterns and behaviours too.
“….all women have the same innate tenderness, power and strength; it has just been forgotten and buried under the ideals of what we believe society wants us to be.” Truly incredible to acknowledge that we have collectively allowed this burial of our gorgeousness to occur. Thankfully, our resurrection rests solely upon making the choice to turn this around and to re connect with our innateness, as you describe so well here, Nicole. How would it be if all women re connected to their innate womanliness? The world would be a completely different place – one of true power, beauty and glory.
When you are a chameleon, you really don’t know who you are. All you are is whoever people need you to be. It has taken me a long time to come back from this way of living and I still notice a bit of a fogginess around my strengths and areas I need to develop within myself. I am finding that consciously taking note of my strengths is really helping to rebuild my understanding and appreciation of who I am. I am also finding that I do know what I want and how I feel if I just give myself permission to listen and honour that.
The chameleon coat has many incarnations I’m discovering. Serge Benhayon presented a deeper level of awareness on the weekend. When we put on any type of uniform be it as simple as an apron, hat, tool belt or full regalia – are we still fully connected to ourselves? That is are these simply tools to support the practical work or do we shift our own true connection and align- even a little bit with the consciousness/identifying with what we do? I was very aware yesterday when I put on my work apron and experienced deep connections and greater being-ness with my clients. There was no trying or pushing through anything. A truly lovely feeling in me and I could feel it reflecting.
Beautifully said, Sandra. Even putting on a name badge can bring an alignment with a foreign consciousness, not of ourself, unless we remain aware and consciously connected with ourself.
Observing whether or not our body changes in those situations is most helpful to me.
Nicole, you could be talking about any number of us.
How easily we slot in and play the role of being everything to everyone else, fitting in with another’s picture at the expense of ourselves and our True knowing…before we know it we have donned a cold exterior.
I perfected fitting in for most of my life and it kept me alone, unhappy, exhausted (it takes a lot of energy to be everything for everyone else) and false. It corroded my self-worth and increased the shame meter to be living a lie and deceiving others by never being the True me to them. To know myself as a Woman (unending appreciation to all that Natalie Benhayon and Universal Medicine have brought to my life) is to allow the Natural me with others, unreservedly so and in absolute honouring of myself and the Divinity I am.
Deborah there is such strength and power when you unreservedly claim your divinity as the true you. I also deeply appreciate the inspiration that Natalie Benhayon and Universal Medicine have brought to my life, allowing the sweetness of the woman to surface again and be naturally shared with others.
I agree Deborah, I feel in the same boat as well and equally inspired by Natalie, not so much in the makeup department but certainly from the point of view of an amazing role model for sass, spunk, widsom and dedication to her own essence and purpose.
It is so clear that the chameleon coat so many of us wear is because of a lack of knowing who we are and a lack of confidence in ourselves, From the outside that coat can be very attractive, all those pretty colours continually changing, and it can deceive others about how we are really feeling inside, contracted, anxious, frightened of speaking our truth, in fact very uncomfortable in many situations. It cannot be any other way if we are so dependent on the affirmation of others. Your experience, Nicole, is so important for others to hear, especially the way you learned to turn it around and shed that layer of protective, deceiving skin. We have to be willing to feel vulnerable to do this but its worth the choosing!
I really love reading this Nicole, i find it very inspiring. It is these things that I am beginning to explore and experiment with after years of not wearing creams and perfumes, not really listening to music, it feels lovely to be finding my way, what feels true for me, ‘Exploring; what perfumes I like to wear; Learning what music I really like; Discovering how I laugh and smile for me, not for everyone else.’ this feels very playful and lovely.
Super scrumptious Nicole it was just wonderful to read your beautiful blog. You are an inspiration for all women because often we are master in self critic and only seeing the negative parts of us. So it is so refreshing to read about your way and the changes you have done and that you can also accept the wobbly parts of your life – wunderbar.
Thanks Nicole, beautiful to read about the process of discovering who you truly are and making your way back. Like many, I also have discovered the man I was and perceived myself to be, was so far away from the truth. Allowing what is deep inside to emerge and show who I truly am, to a large extent is about changing the perception of how I see myself. After years of looking in the mirror and seeing some angry, sad man looking back at me, it is so joy full to see a man that can actually smile and I know that is me. WooHoo!
I love what you share here Nicole and I recognise the reptilian chameleon coat as I too used to have one of those. I have now replaced this for the exposure of what lay beneath, which is me in all my own colours and not those of another. The same as you, I have experienced getting to know myself with the support of practitioners of Universal Medicine modalities. And to discover what I like and what I like to do has been, and continues to be a beautiful experience.
There is so much freedom and gaiety when we are being ourselves, life takes on a different flavour and is so much more enjoyable – even when facing challenges. I am enjoying, appreciating and accepting who I am more everyday and with that my confidence just grows.
I know, it certainly feels exquisite when we are simply being ourselves. When I choose to be myself 100%, it feels amazing and this also creates a space for others to feel safe to also allow them to be themselves. It is a win, win situation because we inspire each other to be more of who we are. It is exhausting when we play the game of hiding our true self.
Exquisite, is the perfect word to describe the feeling of simply being ourselves. There is a magic to it that still blows me a way, and a feeling that no matter how amazing it feels, it can only get better.
So much of the way we live as a society focuses on the outer and what we can achieve, and our inner world is shut down to cope with not being seen for who we truly are. All the many masks do become chameleon like – always calibrating to what we think others want, without even knowing if that is true, and it is exhausting in the process! How much simpler to just be me – no calibrating, no complication – only a life full of love, joy, harmony and simplicity.
Beautiful Nicole I love your sharing thank you . I am also finding simply being the real me is a joy inside reflected and confirmed by everyone instead of trying to fit in and be something else ! Appreciation is the key so lovingly expressed we are all a reflection and inspiration for each other by being the real us. So simple, so joyful, so true .
It is amazing how sneaky this behaviour can be – and its so a part of our society, that we almost see having several hats in life as being normal. But then we marvel at our sky high exhaustion rates!
I agree Rebecca – we should offer ourselves up to be studied.
Very true Rebecca, it has become the normal to behave differently in different situations and with different people. It shows how much investments we have in life, different one in different areas, very exposing!
Its no Wonder Rebecca!
Miracles are possible when we start to appreciate ALL we are and not concentrate to the extent we do on what is not to our liking or on our mistakes. There is always a choice and we know deep down that our waywardness is not our ‘scrumptious’ self! Thank you Nicole
With deep appreciation of appreciating all that we are and all others.
I love the analogy you used of tending to a garden, when rebuilding this relationship with yourself. Re-planting, trimming, watering and allowing space for it all to grow are great reflections for us.
and then.. Blossoming of course 😀
I have learnt so much since being involved with Universal Medicine. To have a happy relationship, which I did not have in the past.
How much energy do we pour into being anything other than who we are. I think of the way I used to be as a frantic card shuffler, with a tattered deck, pulling out the cards I thought people wanted, a professional trickster giving people what they wanted. Did they want any of it? I don’t know, I never asked if they wanted a person who had lost herself.
Well not so lost.
Here I am, in spite of that rather exhausting playact, having discovered that I am special beyond measure, far too precious to hide under any chameleon skin.
Why deny anyone that? Lets of all myself.
You cannot win this card game, Rachel. Good you have found yourself and are able to appreciate yourself like this.
We use a heap of energy to be anything but ourselves and because of that we are more tired or even exhausted than we like to admit.
The chameleon analogy is very relatable. In general I feel we have all learnt to be a chameleon is all it’s many colours. very powerful to read that you have turned that around, everyone needs to read this to feel how you have made the change with simple choices and a dedication to yourself.
“The beautiful, tender, delicate and super scrumptious woman!!” – you forgot smart and wise and a great role model for an enormous number of women.
I know when I have been in social interactions, I have felt quite awkward and like I was “missing’ something. What I have discovered is that what I was missing was in fact ME, the real me. The real me doesn’t mess around, he knows a person inside out when he meets them, and knows how to act and be, a way which is true, incredibly funny, sensitive and considerate of others. But this isn’t even a put on, its an impulse quicker than I can think, and things just come out, they make sense and are what everyone else is feeling as well. Its the beauty of true expression, it is for all and never for one although it can be for one and is always considerate of all. The greatest ME I have ever felt is when being true and open with another, no holding back whats ever, and my body tells me so, it is clear open and warm.
I have had conversations with people many times where it has been implied that – of course we are different depending on who we talk to. I used to think this too, but more and more recently, I haven’t been able to fathom how lost we have allowed ourselves to become from our innate joy in order to accept such false versions of ourselves. It is sad to see it so prevalent in life and it is great to have role models such as Natalie Benhayon, all the Benhayon family and many other people in the community of esoteric students who are choosing their truth and authenticity over the need to be accepted and recognised.
Nicole, to be honest I have been more than a bit like a chameleon in a desperate need to fit in. I think a lot of people have also, especially in groups. I could never understand how someone could be my friend when we are alone, but ridicule me in front of his friends. Now I understand he was just insecure in himself and it was his way of fitting in with the people he thought were his friends. That’s his issue and I don’t take it personally. I know when I have gone out of my way to please someone I have also felt resentment and kick myself for acting so weak.
I know what you mean when you say you have found the pot of gold or the Holy Grail when you honor yourself, but also I know it can be a bit wobbly when you have a habitual history of pleasing others first.
This is such a beautiful sharing Nicole thank you .The greatest gift and joy I find is learning to live and be the real me. To not give myself away to fit in with others which always hurts inside one is a true release of freedom and expression that is loving expansive and real and this feels amazing for myself and others too. The real true being we are innately and honouring that in our expression. Wonderful for all.
Being enough, more than enough, just as I am is relatively new to me. However it has transformed everything, my life feels joyful, steady and playful in a way that I did not perviously thought was possible. Natalie Benhayon is a wonderful woman and I feel it is deeply inspiring to observe her live, walk and talk from a place of true connection, love and acceptance.
Written with such fresh, sweet, super scrumptious open-ness, this is a blessing for all women, Nicole, wherever we are at. I love your appreciation of the unfolding-ness of the process: the smiling when considering how far you have come, the wobbly moments and the path ahead. Thank you.
It is so great Nicole Wise to acknowledge the truth of where we have been, as in your case you describe it as the ‘yucky self-made reptilian chameleon coat’ and it inspires me to also find a phrase in which I can describe where I was before I met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. My coat was more one of a protection type, I was holding myself in a corselet of taken on ideals and beliefs, or better said I was wearing a suit of armour, like in the old days with the knights and so. Very uncomfortable in wearing and moving around, but it gave me the protection I had chosen for. Thanks to Universal Medicine I have been able to gradually dismantle this suit of armour piece by piece and I am almost done. The hardest one for me is to take the breast piece off, to open my heart and let people in in full.
What a blessing to be free from restraint of your own self-created chains. Chains that I’ve also slowly taken off. To walk and feel how divinely gorgeous us women are is truly joyful. When we come back to who we are, it seems crazy that we tried to be anything else.
I agree Kim, well said!
It is crazy but also understandable in a life and family that asks / teaches you not to be yourself, to contort and twist to fit in with their ways, and in some cases the lessons are severe. How great would it be if raising children to honour and love themselves for being them was our norm? If we arrested this crazy process of loosing our way and having to find our way back.
I agree Jeanette…so much time is wasted in this process of losing ourselves only to have to find our way back eventually, and the exhaustion this creates is huge – perhaps thats why so many rely on sugar and caffeine to get through the day…
Nicole, this is great sharing of you re connecting to the true woman that you are and the awesome opportunity to re imprint your life with what truly supports and what is honouring for you. There is so much to appreciate here of how far you have come and also what you bring by just being you to others as you are sharing your true beauty as a woman, now that is worth celebrating.
No matter whom you are interacting with, if you bring you to it, it is the greatest gift they could ever receive from you.
I have noticed lately that I have been more me in more situations and the more I come back to your blog I can appreciate wherevI have come in expressing me.
Often what is missing most from our relationships is ourselves.
Ah Ha! – a real gem in this short, powerful and profound sentence Liane Mandalis.
“Often what is missing most from our relationships is ourselves”.
One to print and stick on a wall as a reminder!
*like ( if this was Facebook)
Nicole this is great exposure of the ‘reptile’ we allow to run us. Our society seems to be set up to condone chameleon behaviour as anyone who stands out is quickly ‘shot down’ by others who have not yet given themselves permission to shine. And so we hide most what we are too scared to show – our true beauty.
Wow, a true blog of inspiration in and by claiming who you are, and letting it shine for all others in your life.
Thank you
I attended an Esoteric Women’s Health – Women in Livingness workshop on Sunday facilitated by Natalie Benhayon and it was a profoundly healing day. Natalie is a true role model for women and men and I was so inspired by her willingness to be all of herself – no chameleon in sight. Natalie’s commitment to living the essence of who she is and continually developing this is an absolute inspiration and has supported me immensely to start developing the living from my own essence.
Natalie has also been a life-changing inspiration for me over the past 5 years and she continues to be. I saw Natalie present at a workshop last weekend and just her presence alone is an absolute blessing. She has a steadiness and a confidence that is so solid yet she is the most real and loveable woman you will ever meet. And she doesn’t hold herself as being any more than any other woman yet she claims all of who she is without hesitation. I deeply appreciate all that she brings, with all that I am, and I know now that I am the same.
I echo what you have shared Sara. I find the same inspiration in Natalie Benhayon and I am almost double her age. Her steadiness, confidence and grace, and the love and tenderness with which she approaches everything, all of this is immensely inspiring. She is a powerful role model that this is the truth within every single one of us.
I can completely relate to what you have written Nicole, as I have been a chameleon myself as I am sure many women and men have been. I think that it the trouble or rather what makes it at times difficult to get to know oneself when everybody is playing the same game.
Exactly Terri-Ann, everyone is playing a game of some sorts. Underneath are people that just aren’t coping and are hiding the real them.
I have played the chameleon games many times in my life, so as to adapt to the situation at the time.
By being that way such a burden becomes intolerable on one’s shoulders.
It took a long time for me to realise that being up front was the best policy, and to stop hiding the true me.
So true Mike, I had never quite connected being a chameleon with the feeling of the burdening weight on my shoulders, but it makes complete sense when we try hard to be someone we are not. It also makes sense that it takes a while to see that being upfront and honest is the best policy as this would mean we could no longer bend to everyones ways and would have to see the game we are playing.
There is a great deal of arrogance in my mind that thinks it can seek to be fulfilled by anything outside of me. With humility, I am focusing more on my relationship with my body and how present I am in it. This is the holy grail, where all wisdom resides and I am learning to stay consistently in connection to it, which is very challenging.
Same here. The deepening of my relationship with my body and how present I am in it has transformed a lot for me. I am in all aspects more with me, less busy with what is going on outside of me, getting entangled there. Being with(in) my body shows how quickly I am ‘out’ – in thought, in my head, with my eyes in the outside world. I can physically feel it in the instant as I am with me. It is such a simple and precious way to be…with me and live from there.
There is not an ounce of a chameleon in this blog Nicole. You can feel your essence right the way through it. I too used to be an expert at being a chameleon and it is such a relief to not live like that anymore as it is exhausting and anxiety provoking.
This is gorgeous Nicole, what a transformation. I can relate to what you have written here, ‘My relationships with others have changed, I am more open to enjoying another person’s company with ease as I now have the confidence to just be me.’ I used to feel tense when I was with friends and family, I was often in judgement of myself and them, I have noticed recently that I am much more relaxed now and actually enjoy meeting up with friends and family and that I am no longer in judgement of them or me, as i feel more and more of my loveliness and sweetness I can feel this more and more in others – very beautiful!
If I think about it honestly I can say that I, to some degree or other, would change the way I was depending on who I would be with…it may not even be in a particularly big way but if I spoke in a certain way or adapted a type of behaviour – no matter how small, I would still be shift-shaping the way I was according the the interaction I’m having. This used to be excruciating for me on the inside if there were two people in the same room and they expected different things from me …How was I to be?!! I can see this was going on more in my own head than likely noticed by the other, but it really brings home how our own authenticity, of being ourselves, is all too often overridden for fear of not being accepted as we grow up. Natalie is an amazing role model and constant inspiration in just ‘being you’.
Yes, this is going on more in our heads Rosanna, I can relate to that. I used to be very busy in my head even before I would meet up with people, or even before I started the day, in the sense of: how will I be, what will I say, what part of me will I show to the world? So tiring…and it makes you very anxious. It can still be there in very subtle ways but wow, so much has changed and how freeing it feels to not be busy with that. That is actually what true freedom is: to just be yourself and not be in your own prison of not being who you truly are.
We’ll said Mariette!
Yes Rosanna, we do do this don’t we, always trying to have a control on life. As you’ve shared, it’s when we change the way we speak, act and express ourselves depending on who we are with. Wouldn’t it be easier just to be us all of the time? This is still a pattern I can see I have. It is exhausting to keep up the effort and doesn’t make sense when we think about it.
Nicole, I had often wondered what it felt like to be the true me, not realising that I had in fact spent most of my life being a chameleon too. It wasn’t until I began to re-connect and open up to something wonderful inside of me did I begin to feel the true me and that is all thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. I loved reading your blog and I am inspired to dig deeper into the inside of me to bring more of me out just like you have, thank-you.
Nicole this is beautiful to read and totally nourishing for my soul! As Michael says above ‘Falling in love with yourself is the most amazing relationship that can unfold…’ sounds to me like you’ve been hugely and playfully enjoying yours. Thank you for sharing, it’s precious to read.
it’s lovely to read about people starting to be themselves… We can configure ourselves so much to our environment… With the way we speak the way we dress, our social habits even, that we do forget who we are, and yet when we start to know ourselves, to connect with who we truly are, we find that it is such a relief to be ourselves… It certainly takes less effort ☺
Oh my gosh the effort is effortless
And our voices change too – I can hear my voice go hard and loud when I’m trying to be something, or trying to impress, and it feels and sounds so different when I’m simply being me – much more gentle and less imposing.
yep! I agree and can sign this!
It is so lovely to feel you appreciating yourself so fully. Such a glorious ‘scrumptious’ woman! This is what is inside each and every one of us, underneath all those masks and personas. What freedom it is to shed those and simply be yourself. Very inspiring.
It is so profound how important it is to know the simple things like what you really like to eat, what you like to wear, what you like to listen too. I too had fallen for that and was spending a lot of time doing and saying things to fit in, it takes such a weight off by dropping those things and just being me.
Natalie Benhayon is one of the most important and fascinating role models for me. She shows me what consitency is and how selflove and love for others can be lived, she shows me how to feel sexy again as a woman, how we can throw out competition and comparison and jealousy as women. She is awesome.
Yes! She is definitely awesome! And without doubt leading the way for all women to follow suit and drop comparison and cherish ourselves again.
I know the Chameleon well in my own life as I suspect many do and agree Nicole there is no true love and self respect in it. It was very enjoyable to read all the ways you are learning what you like and choose without the pressure of pandering to others. I can see how much difference this would make in feeling you and being around you in any situation. Awesome.
It was the bunyip who said “Who am I” and it is a question I have pondered all my life, Am I Nicholas my mother’s boy, or Nico my father’s boy, or Nicky the school boy? I liked to be the sailor and used that label for years with lots of variations, the crew, the racing sailor, the cruising sailor and the ocean sailor but I was also the quantity surveyor, the boat builder, brother dad, the carpenter, the cabinet maker, the welder, the painter, the mechanic, the fisherman, granboy and the jack of all but I still didn’t really know who I am.
More recently I became Nicholas the esoteric student and learnt to become beautiful, tender and delicate, to be more aware of the nuances of my body and soul, to be a student of the livingness to incorporate all that into my daily life and finally I realize I am a son of god.
Another ‘chameleon to truth’ example. Reading your chameleon list was exhausting, Nicholas! Reading the last 3 lines was a privilege and ‘tender’ stood out for me as a quality you hold in vast abundance.
Amazing how we can lose ourselves in all those busy roles we play and I can feel in your words the deep joy of coming back to who we truly are, ‘beautiful, tender and delicate’. Inspiring words, Nicholas.
Thank you for sharing Nicholas – loved to read it – inspiring to read all those roles you had adopted and lived; to finally realise you are the son of god.
Living like a Chameleon, Sadly this is true of so many of us, learning to fit in and belong however we need to; changing and altering ourselves dependent on the people and situation we are in. We have got so masterful at it that for many we will not even realise we are doing it. Thank you for sharing your re-turn back to the real you and inspiring many to be open to the possibility they are not living the real them.
Looking forward Nicole to meet the real you – with the real me.
I can relate to many of the Chameleon traits that you mention Nicole. It is important to unveil them and start to be myself by looking at what it is to be me, before I move on from this lifetime. A revealing blog, thank you Nicole.
This is so gorgeous Nicole. Is there anything more scrumptious and delicious than tasting the real you? And, not only that, but knowing that the well of deliciousness is available in every single moment of every single day, and is constantly deepening, evolving and as you live it, is more irresistible than ever.
Beautiful Kylie, written by a woman who is in love with her endless well of beauty and love. Felt gorgeous to read.
I can relate to the this blog very well. By trying to fit in, be liked, be accepted, not rock the boat, basically I was living a lie. That lead to often feel I was floundering around in the dark not knowing who I truly was and not even knowing what I truly wanted. Alway searching for something or someone outside of myself to give me some sort of fulfilment. I had given up, and then Serge Benahyon and Universal Medicine came along and presented a different way. Since then slowly I chose to take responsibility and make huge changes to the way I was living. With the inspiring role models that the Universal Medicine practitioners are and their ongoing understanding and support I now have a better understanding of myself and who I am and accept myself as I am, not seeking that recognition from others. It’s amazing that through making more responsible self loving choices how wonderful I feel most of the time.
Falling in love with yourself is the most amazing relationship that can unfold & the one that will let you bring all of you to any other relationship in your life. Thank you Nicole for sharing your experiences in this beautiful and wise blog.
A beautiful comment and so true. Thank you Michael.
As Lucinda has put beautifully this is my story as it is everyones. I am always inspired when one chooses to re-discover who they are from the inside out.
So true Michael, there is nothing better than falling in love with true you as this allows us to be seen in full by others and there is certainly no need to please or to fit in to feel ok. This sort of relationship is worth exploring and commit to in full as the benefits are endless.
Beautiful Michael, falling in love, with all the love that you offer.
Woohoo I definitely can feel the love here, because I have found the love in me I can feel it in you, too. Juhuuuh.
It’s such a great journey – to find to what it means to truly be me. In different stages of my life I would have given so many different answers as to what that was – and it has changed so much. But never before I had such a deep knowing of who I am as I have since Natalie Benhayon, Serge Benhayon and All at Universal Medicine have lead the way in sharing what it actually means to be “With Yourself”.
In the past – “who I was” was always defined by something I “did” or something I “thought” The music I liked, the clothes I wore. It was aliwast about something external I used to define myself in the world, What I did. My actions or words. But now I get it is how I “Be” not what what I do. A physical state of being. A connection and a vibration. If I have this feeling in my body, I know I am being me.
Awesome.
Exactly Simon, thanks for sharing. Me is me, and it lives and breathes. It is a vibration and its quite profound. When I got back to ‘me’ i thought, is this it..? I had been so caugth up in things like music, friends and food that I hadn’t even taken the time to know me. Now after going back into life, living as me it all came back that I used to live me all the time, i just gave things for attention and forgot about me. phew I’m glad I’m back though haha
Nicole, your story is mine and everyone’s, lifetimes of this outward search for true fulfillment but however much we strive to be full, however many parties, holidays, promotions or A grades we keep coming back to the emptiness. Universal Medicine has presented another way and testimonials such as yours Nicole are utterly inspiring. I love how you have wooed yourself back to the true you and from here you stand solid, full unshakable.
What a celebration to ‘simply be you’ and not all the roles a lot of us have played.
I have played so many changing from moment to moment depending on who I’m talking with, it’s exhausting to keep this constant role playing going.
I exactly know this: “It was like I could smell how people felt and what they needed and wanted, and I would adapt myself to fit that picture.” And I did this as well. But the thing with Natalie Benhayon (and the hole Benhayon family) is – they do not need something from you, they do not have a picture of you how to be – so there is nothing to adapt to and we are thrown back on ourselves. When I first met them I was sometimes a bit helpless because I did not know how to be (for them)…there was no clue I could adapt to. But it was also an absolute chance to be me – for the first time in this life. And I wanted heartily to be me. What a blessing that the Benhayons not just live their amazing live and do not need or want something from others but also are so supportive and helping others to make the steps they walk as well.
It does feel like one big lie, almost re-inventing a personality to fit into what we believe will satisfy another, for what ever reason. I know I have done this in the past, but it can only be kept up for a certain amount of time and with it comes the added stress of not being true to yourself, which eventually gets old.
I’ve been that chameleon, being what I thought others wanted, needed or expected – and all so I’d be liked, loved or approved of. It was exhausting! A full-time occupation with no thanks at the end and leaving you wanting – of yourself. These days it’s great to feel the confidence from simply accepting myself and knowing I’m more than enough as I truly am, in any and every situation, without the need to hop into a quick metaphorical costume change at every turn. It’s a great feeling to go to bed at night knowing you’ve been You everywhere and in everything throughout your day.
This is a gorgeous blog Nicole- thank you for sharing. I can feel the utter joy you are taking in discovering what you love and like and giving yourself permission and space to just be you- very divine indeed. I also totally love the joy in the pictures that have been chosen to accompany your blog- they are also very gorgeous.
Hello Victoria Carter and that is a very interesting way to look at things. To do what ‘we’ do, as Nicole Wise describes so well it would take “such a high level of awareness.” How would we know just what to be within any group or relationship to fit in? We are masters of feeling energy and even if you don’t want to say it like that then as Victoria is saying, “Moulding and adapting ourselves…..that takes some skill, doesn’t it, and such a high level of awareness” Could there be another way to ‘use’ this awareness or skill? or this question is also worth repeating, “What would happen if we all actually utilised such awareness to acutely discern all that is going on for those around us, acknowledged it all – and yet remained absolutely true to who we are, not needing to compromise or paint a lesser picture for anyone?” I agree Victoria a “game changer” indeed.
I can totally relate to playing the chameleon for as long as I can remember. It’s sad really to think that I and many others, learnt this form an early age as a way of adapting and fitting in with the world and pleasing those around us. It grand to know that as we break this cycle for ourselves we are also supporting others to do likewise. It’s change on a small scale in the world wide scheme of things, but it is important change nonetheless.
I don’t know many people who would not be able to relate to this Nicole. I have definitely been a chameleon in my life, and occasionally find myself falling into that trap today, generally if I am in a new situation be that a new job or being around people I don’t know. I can see so clearly how it has been used as a suit of armour, a protective coating to be shielded from….what exactly? When I find myself falling into this trap, I know I have an opportunity to choose differently, to choose to just be myself, and it’s ok, if that means I’m not the same as the others.
Great blog Nicole – i relate to this so much! And having gone through a similar process of re-discovering me and what truly feels right for me, I can agree with you in saying that it is time to move on from that game and live as the super scrumptious women we are!
Its so exhausting being so many different characters, and I remember saying to myself ‘I’m not playing this game anymore’ as it was such a drain to stay in a state of false happiness when being with girlfriends and pretending all is ‘GREAT” and life is so FABULOUS” only to get back in the car and slump in exhaustion behind the wheel, I couldn’t wait to rush home to the peace and quiet. Now I look back and cringe at the arrangement we set up for each other, not feeling enough to just be our Glorious selves and share our essence and appreciate our unique qualities rather that moulding ourselves to have the same false mask.
Gosh well said, Merrilee: exposing the ‘arrangements’ we have with others is such an awesome opportunity. Born from honesty we can re-write history in our approach to ourselves and life.
Not only can I feel how lovely and super scrumptious you are from what you have written here Nicole, but I can also feel how what you lived in the past is what is considered “normal” by our standards in society. We consider and accept that it is okay to want and need a relationship to fill a void and that it will make us feel more complete. If we are single, we are labelled as “picky” or “fussy” or people think that we are not able to “compromise” to get along in a relationship. But you have really exposed here what we are compromising – ourselves! What you have shared from your experience is so powerful – you have shown what it can be like to build a solid relationship with yourself before entering a relationship with another.
Gosh .. ‘All the “I love you’s” I had said and the care I had shown was empty, as it was never really me.’ I can really relate with what you have shared here and am sure others can. It is all too easy to say a whole bunch of words without first truly connecting to yourself and the other person. It is like we are conditioned and know exactly what to say to the other person but with little or no true meaning behind it. Natalie Benhayon is a very inspiring woman her dedication and commitment to not only being all who she is but support other woman reconnecting, embracing and expressing from the same innate quality within themselves. I have also been really inspired and supported by her. I love your list of practical things you did to ‘re-find’ you .. I am going to take myself out on loads of first dates ?
Yes, and isn’t interesting that we all sense when someone is playing the chameleon role with us… even if they are ‘doing everything right’ we still know that something just isn’t right because they are not being who they genuinely are. The emptiness and desperation is palpable. We can all relate to this game and the feeling of cold it leaves between two people, which is so far removed from the heart-felt warmth of being who we truly are.
Powerfully said Nicole. Moulding and adapting ourselves… that takes some skill, doesn’t it, and such a high level of awareness.
What would happen if we all actually utilised such awareness to acutely discern all that is going on for those around us, acknowledged it all – and yet remained absolutely true to who we are, not needing to compromise or paint a lesser picture for anyone?
Now that would be a game changer – and globally so…
And to add- moulding and adapting takes a lot of extra effort and energy. I can relate to what Nicole shared and I the allowing to be myself I can feel just how much effort I have used to not be myself and to ‘fit in’ or ‘accommodate’.
If we all allowed ourselves to naturally be- it would be a game changer as you say Victoria.
Game Changer Victoria! Thanks for sharing.
You’ve really hit the bulls eye with this sharing, Nicole. In truth is there anyone who isn’t a chameleon? I, for one, change my colours depending on whom I’m with. We have so many different persona it’s hard work to keep up with them. Enter Serge Benhayon and it’s clear for all to see how it could be and what consistency and truth in everything can bring. And it’s got to be a lot less hard than playing all those games and tripping over oneself all the time. Very grounding – thank you.
Exactly Michael. ‘Enter Serge Benhayon’ – and just look at the energy this man has to devote himself to so very much in his every day, without compromising who he is one iota.
How much we deplete ourselves through playing the games as you say, adapting and moulding ourselves… whilst what the world clearly needs is none of this, but rather those who are claimed in their lived knowing of love and truth, standing in and by this 100%.
Well said, Michael. The colossal amount of time and effort spent on our shape shifting behaviour and tripping over ourselves because we are not living truthfully, could be invested instead in building a simple and consistent life in loving honour of ourselves and others.
Thats a great point to make Michael. Well said.
What is shared is relatable to for so many worldwide however where the difference lies is in having the opportunity to connect with a True Role model, Natalie Benhayon who has no difficulty knowing and living who she is and sharing this with ease, and from her many more are learning this way to be with ourselves. Thank you, Nicole, for sharing the true changes you have made and the practicalities of returning to YOU. Awesome 🙂
This is great Nicole, so many of us play the chameleon and some of us are better than it than others but it really is a futile game which leave everyone short. The world is crying out for truth and the only way we’ll get there is all learning to be true to ourselves first. By us being the real us, it does light up the room and inspire others as we do shine.
I can relate to what you are saying here. I spent most of my life adapting myself to the setting I was in depending on my relationship with others in the situation and the role I took on to fit in, belong, keep safe, rebel against whatever the situation was at the time in each relationship. It is something I need to be continually aware of and when I feel myself not being myself, take a breath and re-connect and claim myself back.
Just looking at the image for this article, shows how it is easy to take on an idea and project an image which is only a sliver of everything that a woman is. Thank you for sharing your blog, it is inspirational.
Nicole, this shows me the responsibility to speak or act, when something doesn’t feel right. I can feel when someone laughs although he or she doesn’t want to. Or I could feel when my partner didn’t enjoy sex and pretended to do so. It’s an offering of healing when I then stop and share what I observe.
Playing the chameleon card is very draining, even exhausting and the consequences on the body are varied. When we constantly introduce a false way of living it really does bury who we truly are, even to the point of not knowing what we like or dislike. No wonder people find it difficult to make decisions because they are going against what is natural. Living out of this natural rhythm may eventually lead to a crisis for some as we are always being pulled to be in rhythm.
ah yes, playing the chameleon to be liked and fit in with others is a familiar game – ironic in that it actually leaves you feeling lost, alone – separate from those you are endeavoring to be close with or please – and just a tad resentful! I feel like the resentment comes up because it takes a fair amount of effort to play the chameleon, yet there is no real payoff because others do not get the opportunity to connect to and appreciate the real you, only the roles you are playing. This is one helluva “ouch” (ie it hurts pretty deep if you’re willing to let yourself feel it). Like you Nicole, I continue to be deeply inspired by Natalie Benhayon because she refuses to succumb to playing roles choosing instead to be herself – magnificent in her realness. Inspired by her example I feel the power and beauty that is equally within me and know that I too can choose to live this in the world. Beats the chameleon game hands down;)
Awesomely said Hannah. ‘Oucharama’ indeed – particularly when we get so deeply honest that we meet within us those layers of compromise, pretence and hiding all that we truly are.
Plus I love your description of Natalie Benhayon – that she is “magnificent in her realness”. Couldn’t agree more, and I continue to be inspired by Natalie every day – through the power of the love she knows and claims herself to be, with no skerrick of playing it down or compromise. This true strength, power and amazing beauty is in us all – every step of it claimed to be celebrated in full.
I love this too “Natalie Magnificent in her Realness”. That should be a front page headline, inspiring us all to let go of the roles we play and allow ourselves to be our true selves again, this is not always an easy process, so seeing others do it makes it possible for us to know we can to.
Well said Hannah.
What I have noticed when I am playing a role and not being myself is that I am not really in my body and neither is the other person I may be talking to which is why it feels so empty…there is no true meeting of each other.
Whereas when I am just me, I feel very much in my body. There is an acceptance and knowing that can be felt deep within. When I meet another from this place, the experience is so very different and very nourishing on all levels regardless of what the other person may be choosing. But the cool thing is when I am being my natural lovely self, it is easier for others around me to also choose the same.
I know the feeling Nicole – I remember being so caught up in what others wanted me to be (or what I thought they wanted) that I completely lost touch with what I liked and who I was. Feels so awesome to be coming back and claiming who I am, no worrying if I won’t ‘fit in’ (which is silly anyway, I’ll always fit in when I am me) or they won’t like me. I don’t need love outside me, I am finding my way inside where all the love of the Universe lives.
I really relate to having played all sorts of roles in order to be loved – changing colours if necessary and losing touch with my essence in the process. It really is the most beautiful process to come back to yourself as a woman and Natalie Benhayon really is a pioneer for us all to be inspired by. I love what you share about seeing and feeling this strength and power in all women equally so – this is something I have felt too and love to remind other women of just by being me.
Wow I can sooo relate Nicole, you could be writing my own story. I have been so used to being a chameleon most of my life, thankfully I have woken up to what is true for me; I no longer need to play the exhausting game of forever changing to suit others.
Hello Nicole Wise and thank you for this blog. I can relate very much to the “chameleon” character you describe. I use to think this was the way to live. I remember saying it to myself and others many times. It didn’t matter what the crowd, discussion, relationship or setting was I could be a part of it, I could relate to everyone. But I would walk away feeling like there was more and always had more questions about my life than answers. I was doing everything I could, or so I thought and still was coming up empty. Then along came Universal Medicine and yes Natalie and Serge Benhayon and things changed. I, like you was living in a way I thought was it but had a continual feeling of loss. Natalie and Serge Benhayon introduced many possibilities to me and one of those was the possibility that the way I was living, the way I was interacting in the world was not really how I was. At first this was almost shocking but in the next step it was a huge relief because even though I was living on the surface, there was no real depth. Over the years I explored this possibility more and more and I came to see that the more I support and connect myself in whatever surroundings the ‘more’ my life has been. Since I meet up with Natalie and Serge Benhayon that loss feeling has gone completely and I now have the answers to match the questions. No one has given me anything but just nurtured me to see the answer I always had, they were always there it was just I was chasing everyone else around trying to be everything for them and I clearly have seen this never worked. Thank you Nicole.
I love this line Nicole ‘”taking time in the mornings and not rushing out the door, spending those small moments appreciating who is looking back at me in the mirror”. These small and beautiful moments added together are exactly what has allowed me to know and appreciate myself again and its a delight.
Beautiful and very powerfully confirming moments of feeling we are worth taking time for and feeling who we truly are.
Your words just come from that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Which to me is your beautiful, scrumptious, joyful and tender cheeky precious heart. Your words just touch, I’m sure not only I can relate to that feeling!
Dear Nicole thank you for this awesome sharing. I can feel through your words how joyful you find yourself to be now that you’ve shed that chameleon coat, returning to your true self. Recently viewing your before and after story is testament to the level of love that you now live, you are a very inspiring woman yourself.
Yes, I agree with Shelley. The joy shines through your blog having found the courage and loving commitment to build a new relationship back to self.
Go Nicole! A gorgeous and inspiring sharing of your process simply coming back to the amazing you.
Natalie Benhayon has inspired me HUGELY too, not only is she super true to herself, she reminds us that this gorgeousness and this power and this truth is deep inside all of us just waiting to come out.
I agree Meg. Natalie has this power which feels amazing. It’s not a power over anyone, it doesn’t impose. It feels like she doesn’t let things stop her being and brining everything that she is. It’s a commitment to life, to herself, to God and to humanity. A truly inspiring person that reminds us that we are no less than her in any way.
Absolutely – perfectly said. Natalie’s commitment to be true to herself is amazing, and no less than her commitment to every other single person on this planet – she is an extraordinary woman.
Your story is very relatable – something I’m sure almost everyone in their life has had experience of. I am very aware of how I have changed myself depending on who I am, and it leaves such a desperately lonely feeling when others are not around you, for you are left to feel the fact that you don’t know yourself.
Hello Rebecca and I agree. It is almost scary the fact that when I read what you have just written I could have written that myself about me. In fact it is word perfect to what I would have written. It makes you wonder and considering the comments to this blog, how many more are out there? Thank you Rebecca.
I agree Raymond, when we open up and talk about it, its amazing how many people deal with the same issues and have the same experiences, and yet we can feel like the only one because we don’t express to each other whats going on in our lives honestly.
I agree with both of you Raymond and Rebecca, and how awesome is it when we discover ourselves as well as others by starting to share and just being.
Well said Rebecca and Nicole. I think we have all felt when we have abandoned ourselves: “it leaves such a desperately lonely feeling when others are not around you, for you are left to feel the fact that you don’t know yourself.” it is like we have traded ourselves or at least sold cheaply. And believe me when you have been putting out that behavior to people for a while, they expect it. I found out about all this from Natalie and Serge Benhayon late in my life, but not too late to change. Thank you for bringing up this topic Nicole, it was hardly spoken about, but everyone has something to say about it now.
Your sharing is so delicate with such beauty, why would any of us want to be chameleons and not ourselves but what we want others to be, when we are being ourselves it is most precious!
Wise words indeed! I also have played that game and it is sooo exhausting. Getting to know me is a constantly evolving process and it’s awesomeness is directly linked to my commitment to the path. The irony is that I am already me, already everything that I want to be and yet there is a path that unfolds where I let go of things that are not me. The result is that I am less on auto-pilot and reacting to what I think other people want. I am more accepting of myself – the great things and the imperfections – all of which contribute to a sense of me that feels truer than any mask I wore to be accepted by others.
Well said, Jinya, “a path that unfolds where I let go of things that are not me” is exactly right, and the key is to accept that the truth and love we have longed for in life has been inside us all along.
Reading your blog again today Nicole – I really felt the truth of it when you said – “I now have a sense of not needing to look outside of me anymore to make myself feel loved.” It is such joy when we can connect to this and deeply feel ourselves and treat ourselves in this loving way, with the knowing that we are love and living this love with ourselves and others more and more every day.
I agree that in a way the greatest relationship we can have is with ourselves. If this is solid then we don’t need to contort ourselves anymore into all the different shapes we do for others to be liked and accepted.
Hello Andrew Mooney and yes, “I agree that in a way the greatest relationship we can have is with ourselves.” The more depth, honesty and love you have in this relationship supports all others to be the same way. I, like many it appear to try and do this in reverse and put all the work into others first, only to feel a loss or emptiness at the other end. The more I support myself in relationships the richer the relationship is.
I loved reading your falling in love with yourself story here 🙂 Thank you for sharing the true you.
I love how relatable your blog is Nicole as it reflects the fact how easily we all can walk away from just being ourselves. At one time or another this is the way we all have lived, I know this has been my story and you are so right it feels cold, reptilian and so not me! I could feel how playful and loving you have become and I could feel the spunky, sparkly you just leaping from the page. It inspires me to embrace more of the amazing, wise, gorgeously scrumptious woman I am.
I had to smile when you spoke about seeing and enjoying your face in the mirror in the morning. How awesome it would be to wake up to your smiling face every day! Indeed this is for us all to feel. I have noticed at times still, how critical I can be on first glance in the mirror, and this totally dishonours the depth of who I am. Whenever I feel that self-critique come up now, I look a little longer and connect deeper within myself as that is where my true beauty lies. Once this connection is felt again, my external appearance naturally feels more in line with the full beauty of who I am, though it has not in fact changed in those few moments.
“Inspired by Natalie Benhayon’s example, I have realised that I can uncover the real me by simply re-connecting deeply with myself and the woman I truly am.” This is what I am learning too Nicole and how much more enjoyable life is…a HUGE thank you to Natalie for showing us the way.
Nicole what an awesome blog. I know from reading it I feel I’ve given myself greater permission to find out what I like and who I am. The process has begun but it’s one that is evolving all the time when I do pay attention to me. So inspired by your discovering of yourself and how much fun it is.
Brilliant Nicole how you show that beneath these roles and performances we put on, is a precious, powerful and tender human being. Its beautiful to read here how you began this enquisite love affair with yourself.
Nicole this blog is one of those that many people can relate to.
Why do we play the chameleon?
To be liked, to be adaptable, to hide?
To avoid taking responsibly for who we are and sharing THAT with the world consistently.
Natalie Benhayon has also inspired me to let go of the EXHAUSTing game of the chameleon.
Her consistency and steadiness is so deeply confirming that it reminds me that its okay to just be me.
So…Off with the heavy coats and as the layers fall away I can feel the exquisite essence that I bring to consistently share with ALL.
Nicole, thank you for reminding me that it is actually very playful to discover myself. I know this joy and beautiful feeling – but sometimes forget. True so true, Natalie is inspiring and supports us to be the true women we are. She does not shy away to show she is not perfect but gosh she also does not shy away to show everything she is – beautiful, gorgeous, divine and sexy.
Thank you Nicole, this is an inspiring blog, I love the simple tips you offer on getting to know yourself deeply. Too often we think we are self-aware but all we are doing is being self-critical of our ‘bad bits’. How gorgeous to ask yourself what YOU feel to eat, wear, do, and to honour whatever is the reply. As in each of your pictures, whatever you are doing, your gorgeous essence is still there.
Thanks Nichole for a very lovely real time blog.
One of my favorites is wearing the clothes I want to wear. Not being swayed to perhaps dress in a certain way because of even very subtle thoughts. I love clothes and the opportunity to express how I feel with them. At the same time everyone else has the same freedom for expression how they feel, and if I’m dressed up and another super casual or visa versa that’s great that we meet as who we are and how we feel.
You have discovered the greatest gift in the World Nicole. The gift that keeps on giving, because in knowing yourself, all that you come into contact with receive the light of inspiration that it is available for them too. Thank you for sharing the details of how you are deepening in your presence with yourself and how it has given you the foundation to release needing to be liked or accepted by others.
Nicole, thanks so very much for writing your story…it may well have been my story. I used to say, and was proud of the fact that I was like a Chameleon. I had loads of friends, was very sociable, boyfriends and could have intelligent conversations, be silly and playful, be sporty, be funny, please my partners, etc, etc – I could morph into whatever was needed but it was never the real me, and was so exhausted by my late 30s that I fell in a complete heap with chronic fatigue from the emotional roller coaster I lived on. I too have been very inspired and supported by Natalie Benhayon to explore what it means to live as a woman today, and it goes without saying that I’m a work in progress and no longer living as a chameleon to please everyone around me – I have a much truer sense of who I am and how I feel. So again, thanks for sharing your gorgeously inspiring story.
Nicole, I can easily relate to being a chameleon, for me I felt my ability to adapt and change with the diverse groups of friends I had was a skill, something to celebrate and be proud of. I even changed the way I spoke to fit in with friends and adopted a different way with other friends; It is only since attending Universal Medicine presentations that I have been able to start pealing away what is not me and see how exhausting living this charade was.
I remember when I started hanging out with myself again. It too was like I was going on lots of first dates with me. And I couldn’t get enough!
“I had no memory of me and what it was like to just be me.” I can so relate to this Nicole. I had morphed into a person that was the opposite of what my true natural and delicate being is and had become hard and cold. I had no resemblance with the true me anymore and had to remove layer by layer to find out who I truly am.
You are super scrumptious for sure!
Thank you Nicole for your loving expression.
I can relate I would add that not only did I wear a chameleon coat but I also changed colors constantly according to who I was trying to impress.
As women and men in this world we all are wanting and looking for acceptance yet we all struggle in accepting ourselves. We now have amongst us many loving amazing reflections showing us we are Love through Natalie Simone Curtis Michael Serge and Miranda the student body and I could go on and on with a list.You are that reflection Nicole thank you .
Reading your blog Nicole had me realise that we all play the chameleon if we are not being ourselves; so you were not alone on that front. In fact, advertising feeds the chameleon in us enticing us to purchase items to become some ideal in order to impress others. It is well worth getting to know and be ourselves rather that adopting what we think will appease others; as besides anything else it is exhausting.
“The beautiful, tender, delicate and super scrumptious woman!!” – Indeed – and what gorgeous photos to truly show your true self, just awesome Nicole!
Thank you Nicole Wise for being the Beautiful Amazing Scrumptious True Woman You truly are!!
Yes Simone, when someone shares who they are, it is inspiring to be who we are, and it’s those qualities of beauty, gorgeous, sexy, wise, and the list goes on! It’s true the more we live who we are the more our treasure box deepens with treasures…
Natalie is one awesome woman and very inspiring. There is a steadiness in her that she meets you with and in this you are reminded of who you are. She has inspired many women to connect to this deeper essence of who they are.
Well said, Kristy. Natalie is an amazing example to us all, of what a woman looks like when she deeply honours herself and does not give herself away to any pressures from society, nor abandon herself due to beliefs or ideals that diminish her sense of her own divine preciousness.
Here, here Kristy, Natalie is the most inspiring woman because she dares to be true to who she is and share this with us all, and I say dare because we many of us can relate to – that we are not living true to who we are but to ideals and beliefs that don’t accept us as we are but to be something else, or to have our needs met and so forth…
Hello Kristy and I agree with your comment about Natalie Benhayon. I will add another part though because she has also inspired men as well. Natalie Benhayon is all woman and has always supported me as a man. No games, no hidden agenda, no double meaning and no mixed messages. Natalie Benhayon is a true women of this world and without her support, I would not be the deep caring man I am today. Thank you Kristy and thank you Natalie Benhayon a woman that reflects well beyond her years.
Yes Kristy, Natalie is definitely one awesome woman and continues to inspire me (and so many other men and women I know). Her realness and steadiness is undeniable and allows you to feel that same steadiness within yourself, to be ‘…reminded of who you are’.
The world is getting so bright as the great lights ignite.
I had a friend who used to joke he was a social chameleon, it was an amusing line but then I find that I have played that too. I was always able to tell if I was being a chameleon by how my manner would change when I found myself on my own, that time when I was often most comfortable in my skin. The judge for me is can I be the same person with everyone I meet or do I change and adapt to fit what I feel the person needs. More and more I can say I am being me but what a long time I have spent and I know so many others have played a role we believe is expected. Thanks Nicole for sharing your story and how you are shedding the skin.
I think many many people can relate to this, I remember as a teenager having a persona at school and a persona at home and hoping the 2 never met! More recently I can feel I don’t so much change my colour or persona, but I can still water who I am down to varying degrees based on who I am around and how ‘safe’ I consider them. This is a great blog Nicole, and a great reminder thank you.
That’s very honest Meg. I still water-down for certain people too. I do it to protect myself from rejection, but I’m already rejecting myself. It’s the ultimate come-back because nobody can argue against or attack something that isn’t there, seemingly so.
I too thank Natalie Benhayon for inspiring me to shed my skins so to speak and get to know myself. This is a work in progress and I am learning more and more about myself every day.
I can relate to being a chameleon and playing a lot of different roles in a lot of different situations; living like this leaves a huge gaping hole right in the middle of it all, the place where me is found, and that takes a little while to uncover, get to know and nurture.
Ah yes, I can so relate to what you share Nicole. My cameleon was really good at connecting and feeling others and where they were at so much so I found myself adopting some of their mannerisms and way of moving/speaking without even realising it … It was weird, like I was mirroring them. It got to a point where I would find it difficult to know what was my stuff and what was there’s … I would breath others breath and not my own. It’s great to come back to being my own women and like you say, Natalie Benhayon represents how we can all be leading examples of what it means to live and breath as the women we naturally are deep inside.
Thanks Nicole for your open and honest sharing. Natalie Benhayon is indeed a role model for many women worldwide. Her strength, power and sexiness is available for us all to feel and know that we too can be all of that when we let go of the masks, the facades and stop playing the chameleon. It is beautiful to feel your essence in your writing and claiming the amazing woman that you are.
It is amazing to discover that we are more then a chameleon when we reconnect with the beauty and stillness that is inside all of us. It is so exhausting being different people for different occasions. Being me is simple and loveable.
“I am more open to enjoying another person’s company with ease as I now have the confidence to just be me.” Me too, Nicole. There is celebration when any woman walks again in the loving authority of who she really is. The celebration is even more glorious when she brings this to others and they can feel her joy in how she connects with them. I am loving being with people these days, even being amongst people I don’t know, simply because I am loving being with me. Makes all the difference in the world.
I used to be so familiar with feeling into what others wanted or needed me to do or be that is was strange, odd, uncomfortable and sometimes scary to let that go. Letting go of the moulds and allowing the grace out is a beautiful proces that I am deepening every day. Natalie Benhayon has offered me all the reflection of being a true sexy and beautiful woman (who has fun) I need by simple being herself always!
Nicole, I never felt you to be yucky or reptilian or have anything like that around you. You were always gorgeous. Now, with your new-found connection you are becoming a much bigger person, much more there and very impressive. A nice move from good to great.
Nicole Wise – this is truly a wise blog 🙂 and truly inspiring – I can find myself in Your blog in so many parts – it’s as if I would have written the same peace, too. Thank You for expressing it. This is truly beautiful and I chose to feel and live that amazing woman that I am again and stop dimming my light out of fear to be seen or what ever old beliefs want to stop me from shining – for me it is now also in getting back the trust and the sense of me – the connection and truly knowing it from the inside out and build ultimate trust back – that’s what has just started and I love building up on it and feel the joy again and the greatest thing is to share ME with others 🙂 – love Your blog and will re-read it again. With love and deep appreciation
Nadine
Getting to know ourselves is the greatest thing! You wouldn’t believe how funky and silly I am in real life. Sometimes I surprise myself as to how funny I am. I so look forward to social interactions now! I absolutely do, whereas I used to be very anxious.. and awkward YUK
This is great to read how it is simply a choice to live who you truly are and not what you think you need to be. Natalie Benhayon is an incredible inspiration for she deeply connects to her Sacred Woman within. This Sacredness that is alive and burning deep within is all, a quality that we do not need to look for but allow ourselves to surrender too. The beauty is that it is no where else but within, you can be inspired by another like Natalie but no one can do this for you it is a constant choice that you are willing to take. The bonus is it feels super scrumptious as you.
My very perceptive daughter told me not so long ago, that when she was growing up it was like I was 4 different people. This was a bit of a shock for me as I had no idea of how chameleon-like I was. She told me she knew which one I would be just by what the situation was e.g. if we had visitors, I was one type of person, if it was just me and our daughters, another type of person, my husband (her Dad) and I, yet another person would show herself, and so on. I know today I hold pretty steady at just being one woman (I have to laugh writing that!) and I continue to enjoy allowing me to be the true, gorgeous woman I am. Thank you for your blog Nicole. It’s made me appreciate the honest and true changes I made in my relationship with me and with the world.
Great article Nicole, I can feel how much of a pleaser I use to be in order to get the attention I was after. I feel so much more of me now and it also feels really gorgeous for me and people around me.
I can very much relate to being a chameleon. And I note many people here commenting the same. When it is so common for us not to trust that we are enough as we are, and feel like we need to be pleasing others to be accepted, and sell out to the ideals and beliefs – meeting someone like Natalie Benhayon exposes the falseness and ugliness of the way of being we have become so accustomed to.
Nicole I can feel the love and appreciation you have found for yourself in your words and as a former chameleon myself I can relate to the beauty of rediscovering who we truly are. Figuring out what others want and adapting to it is such hard work where as being myself is so simple and effortless if I but allow it. And I can only agree with you, Natalie Benhayon is a gigantic role model of how to be yourself in all the grace, joy, cheekiness, tenderness and beauty of being a woman.
How often do we play different roles?, and how exhausting! I can relate to this bog. I was everything to everyone except myself. What Natalie Benhayon presents is so simple but so affirming of how to live your true self. With what is presented I have gained so much confidence and connection to my true beauty. My life ha change dramatically for the better. Thank you Nicole for your beautiful blog
I was just talking with a friend about having spent a lot of my life shape shifting, trying to be something I wasn’t in order to preserve and protect myself due to the fear of rejection or of being left behind. It really is crazy how our lives are dictated perhaps only by one thought of not being enough as we are. So your article, Nicole, is deeply inspiring, of how life can be when we let go of these beliefs and start to cherish the uniqueness of what we bring to the world.
Nicole I love how you have brought up this topic for everyone to see how we have lived in the past and are offering the true joy of living and appreciating ourselves for who we truly are. This is a massive gift to learn to be and appreciate and love ourselves and rediscover this from under all the belief systems and stuff we have taken on and lost our true selves in. The inspiration of seeing others simply being themselves and the joy of living this oneself is beautiful ,real and true and allows the love we all are to come out and shine and not be held inside and denied.Thank you for this lovely sharing.
Ouch. this blog really hit the ‘chameleon’ spot for me.
How you used to mould to the needs of others was me all over, and I really thought no one else would do that too.
But as you say – even the perfume I chose to wear was a scent someone else used to wear who I wanted to be like. The clothes I wore were always copied from a friend who was stylish, the way I did my makeup was based on how someone else used to do theirs.
Coming out of that was huge for me, as like you say, I didn’t know my myself as I was a muddle of everyone else.
But to meet people such as Natalie Benhayon who truly hold their own, is so beautiful to see.
And I too have noticed that as I make choices on how I am feeling, then it only confirms who I truly am.
Nicole a really great blog to read as it is so similar to the way I used to live, in fact I would pride myself on being the best chameleon there was. Different friend group – different me. One of my closest friends would always say how confused he was as I would literately change my entire way of speaking, acting or doing things depending on who I was with. As you say in relationships the same took place and throughout all areas of life I felt a deep emptiness. The feeling of coming home of returning to me was something I felt at my first workshop with Serge Benhayon and from there all the amazing support from everyone to let go of the acting and gradually peel back the layers to the real, true me. I love how you describe this as the Rainbow and Pot of Gold as each day there is more Gold to rediscover.
Being a chameleon, or as I have often felt, an amoeba – shape shifting to fit into whatever I perceived was needed is an exhausting business which serves no one but keeps us away from our true selves and our connection with others. Reading how you have turned things around Nicole is amazing and I could feel the fun and joy you are having now the chameleon has gone. Inspirational!
Wow Nicole, I love your blog, so gorgeous and inspiring to read, I can relate to this. ‘I have developed and grown to be my own woman, something I had long left behind.’ What you have written is so familiar to me, it has only been in the last few years that I am enjoying being me, the woman that I am, without trying to be a certain way and fit into a ‘womanly’ mould, it feels lovely to be accepting me for who I am and enjoying connecting with my womanliness.
Indeed Nicole, you are the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow ! Thank you for sharing.
Nicole your blog is just perfect. I could have written it about me, and it made me feel sad that I have been a chameleon too and moulded myself to fit the expectations of others. But aren’t we so blessed to have women such as Natalie Benhayon to inspire and support us in realising ourselves as woman and that we can truly choose to celebrate ourselves every day. I am reminded of a comment one of my male colleagues made at work recently, I found myself apologising for being a girl and wanting the window closed because I was cold and he said “there is no need to apologise for being a girl you should be celebrating it”, how awesome is that, it was as if God was reminding me to appreciate myself and I walked away with a smile on my face 🙂
Reading this again and the comments I realise that the vast majority of people, myself included, are or have been chameleons as we all crave love. To shed the chameleon skin and to “have a sense of not needing to look outside of me anymore to make myself feel loved” is so marvellous.
Our relationships change when we become more connected to ourselves. I am not only enjoying another’s company at ease but I am recognizing that others are enjoying my company too. As I become more true to me others respond and I connect with them more deeply.
I can relate to the chameleon Nicole. I used to do this too. I would even have different sets of clothes for different groups of friends. What a lot of effort! It is much more enjoyable simply being the real authentic me with everyone. I don’t have to put on a show or act a certain way.
Rebecca I can relate to this.
In the past I would have different conversations and ways of speaking with people.
Different activities reserved for some and not others.
I would adapt to suit the situation and see this as a gift. But its a lonely life as a chameleon.
Like walking onto the stage and playing the part… being a chameleon never lets anyone in and is unpredictable. The harsh light shines AT you but the true light that we hide away never shines out for all to feel.
Chameleons on the surface are lovely to look at…but still cold and thorny. Men have their shiny bright armor to blind all that try to see what lies beneath the cold steel that we have surrounded ourselves with to protect us from being hurt. As we grow and no longer need to change for others or protect ourselves we began to blossom into who we all truly are
The depth you offer,Nicole, in discovering yourself instead of criticizing yourself is huge. Thank you.
‘Now I have been re-finding me, getting to know myself deeply’ I really connected with thisas so much of the world and processes out there are about redefining ourselves rather than re finding ourselves, there is such a difference.
Being a chameleon is a common theme for all of us: male and female. Very few of us (myself included) knew who we were. Thank God for the Benhayons, Universal Medicine and amazing practitioners to support us on our path of knowing and being who we truly are.
Nicole, I agree Natalie is one beautiful inspirational women, who walks, talks and lives her truth, in this she inspires and supports all of us along the way. Her reflection is beautifully felt. You are correct to say “we all women have the
same innate tenderness, power and strength; it has just been forgotten and buried under the ideals of what we believe society wants us to be…”. Natalie lives and shows how it is possible for all of us to connect to this energy by taking responsibility for ones own life and healing process. Honouring, nurturing and connecting to ones inner self is the the start to ones healing process.
Nicole it is like a disease, the chameleon effort to fit in, be nice, please, conform, and as you say it is exhausting for our bodies to live this way, always looking to the outside to tell us how to be. It was inspiring to read about your return to the gorgeous scrumptious you, shining and open.
Yes Bernadette, like a disease, a disease with symptoms that we can become so used to having that we stop noticing them. We can then end up living really incapacitated, and indeed suffering greatly, and yet not really knowing that this is the case, or how to go about changing it.
At this year’s Universal Medicine retreat we began to understand, most of us for the first time, just how much we had transformed ourselves away from our natural selves – largely in response to the jealousies we felt since… well, for a long time. Having the courage to peel away the layers and express the real us is a fundamental task for us all. Congratulations Nicole, it sounds like you are well on the way to having achieved the return to the real you. And thank you, Serge Benhayon, for telling it like it is and showing us another way.
Lovely to read Nicole how you have shed your chameleon jump suit to reveal the gorgeousness of who you are. I know this trick very well, and it was exhausting and frustrating but most of all it was sad, because I never got to truly feel who I was and show that to anyone and or have the opportunity to see another for who they are.
I enjoy now like you, exploring what I actually like doing, eating, playing etc and the bonus is I am seeing and feeling who others are around me with fresh eyes… without the clouded judgement of how I was previously looking at myself.
Totally agree Nicole, Natalie Benhayon has shown me and so many many women how to love, trust and treasure ourselves and to never hold back who we are because the world needs us to be the amazing powerful sexy women that we all are.
What a beautiful process you have described Nicole, of coming back and reconnecting to yourself more fully as the woman you are rather than being so identified in the different roles you have taken on.
Yes and the emptiness we are running from but it does not go away when we are living as chameleons in many varying ways…the antidote to emptiness is fullness and that is being ourselves…and this can take time to return to, as it is inside of us, a treasure box filled with the most exquisite gems!
Well said Doug and the crazy part is (when it finally dawns on us) that we hold the key to our self-made prisons.
Thank you for your deeply honest and inspiring blog Nicole. I feel that so much of what you have shared touches a cord in each and every one of us. Love your description “Just being me is like finding the rainbow complete with the pot of gold at the end. I have found the Holy Grail . . . the familiar feeling of running into an old friend, Me!! I now have a sense of not needing to look outside of me anymore to make myself feel loved.” Wow!
You make the self-discovery so relevant and real with your post and also words here Nicole: …”taking time in the mornings and not rushing out the door, spending those small moments appreciating who is looking back at me in the mirror”.
The discovery of ourselves is a thing of great beauty. The living of ourselves, the great glory.
Dear Nicole, I love the first date with yourself. I felt like that is the exact person I too would like to get to know and spend more quality time with. ME. If I connect with me first and feel me, then everything I do is with me and I don’t get lonely for me.
Who wouldn’t light up meeting you with the super delicious love that beams through your essentially gorgeous and divine self? You are an inspiration Nicole. I can relate to reaching a point where I didn’t know who I was anymore, as I knew how I was existing was definitely not me. I had a sense of who I was but I had no way of knowing how to re-connect to this let alone live it. I agree that Natalie Benhayon is a true role model that has and is inspiring women all around the world, myself included, to return to and claim the super gorgeous precious divine women that we all are equally so, regardless of our culture or race as we are all in essence divine love.
Nicole that is such a delightful blog. You feel amazing through it, you really do. And I love that there is no hint of self inflation but just the natural radiance of a woman claiming herself in full.
Nicole, your blog is just great. My biggest surprise is how hard it is to “just to be me”. When I do this I continually get a huge surprise of how accepting people are of me just being me. Playing the fitting in game is awful for my body and so imposing on everyone I meet, why would I do that? This was the big question I had to ask of myself. Feeling me is lovely and freeing, as I continually discover new aspects of myself with my partner, family and friends.
In the past I found myself saying I liked something just so that I wasn’t excluded and felt accepted and a part of a group of women. Nodding my head for yes when my body wasn’t necessarily saying likewise. Now at times I am much more discerning and listening to my body and what it is telling me but there are times where I can also go there but from a point of view of, feeling that something is not right but jumping in to agree to not be on the outer, and then feeling after that what I have agreed to, does not match with how I am feeling inside. So note to self, I honour my feelings and express them with love.
Lovely sharing Nicole, what a great day it is when we accept that we are more than enough when we are simply being ourselves. We can never have a true connection with another while we are playing any roles, as they never get to see the truth of who we are. Playing roles feels empty and is exhausting whereas being us is naturally joyful and invites others to also be themselves.
Very true Victoria, ‘We can never have a true connection with another while we are playing any roles, as they never get to see the truth of who we are’, and, it is so exhausting holding back who we truly are to become what we think is wanted.
Great blog Nicole. Thank you for sharing. I can very much relate and up until a couple of years ago I also had no idea who I was in relationship to myself. I also realised that most of my actions and behaviours were about morphing myself into the idea of who I thought people would like accept etc. This is a work in progress in letting go of these behaviours but am getting to know and love myself and its a really beautiful thing. I love this line “Natalie Benhayon has been a true inspiration and role model of how to be a real woman. Her strength and powerful emanation of a woman is something I know I also have equally, but over the years had forgotten” this is also my experience of Natalie Benhayon. She emanates a power and strenght that is all inclusive it says that you’re just like this too, let’s go – super inspiring!
I relate so well with what you have written Nicole. In all the relationships I have had with men I became whatever they needed, I fitted in with their friends, took on their lifestyle, I did whatever I had to to belong and gain approval, and totally lost my self in the process. Your blog beautifully confirms the healing that occurs when we reconnect to our true selves and discover the joy, true beauty, and fun and lightness that is us, and is there to be shared with the world.
Gorgeous blog Nicole – what a transformation! The enormous changes you have gone through are deeply felt – thanks for sharing.
It is amazing to witness people coming back to their true selves.
Yes Eva, it is amazing to see people come back to their true selves and it is really inspiring and contagious!
Hi Nicole, this blog made me consider how do I change who I am, depending on the company I am in? Do I stay me or do I not. I would totally agree Natalie Benhayon is an amazing role model of what it is to be true to who you are and at the same time a truly amazing woman.
My experience of Natalie Benhayon is that she is rock solid in her expression of herself, always consistent and emanates an enormous love and sexiness by just being herself. What an amazing young woman, and one we can all aspire too because she reflects back to us our own potential to connect to our true essence as a woman.
Nicole, it’s absolutely gorgeous to hear another women describe and talk about herself with the evident enjoyment and love you have here. And now you are that inspiration for other women – and those who light up in your company.
It’s inspiring Nicole how you have built this trust in yourself to drop the masks and the trying and just be You in the world. Thanks for honestly sharing.
I agree Annie its the trusting again in myself that then has allowed me to open up more to others and to let my true self out to play.
You most definitely are a “beautiful, tender, delicate and super scrumptious woman”. I am so glad we all get to meet the real you, Nicole!
Beautiful testimony Nicole of the inspiration that Natalie Benhayon has been for you and thousands of women around the world.
And the numbers of women grow more and more each day.
Your expression stops me in my tracks Nicole. All you have shared here is gold. The ‘talent’ of the chameleon is one that I’m sure many can relate to, in exposing that style of getting through life or moving within relationships, brings to life the majesty we wear once shedding those outer weathered skins. To move in the grace we are is unlike any other – super scrumptious indeed!
Inspirational you are Nicole Wise. There is a freedom I can feel when you speak about living as yourself, as a ‘true woman’ and what you are exploring that to be for you.
Hi Nicole, its great to read your blog. I am sure many women can relate to being a chameleon and changing ourselves to fit the right picture and to fit in most of all.
I have also been on a journey of getting to know who I really am, and not what I thought I should be to keep others happy. It has been so supportive to have Natalie Benhayon as a role model.
I like the gardener analogy Nicole and Natalie Benhayon is a phenomenal woman. Just being in her presence, for me, if I’m ever worried or anxious about something, just settles me – everything feels alright again and I can see things much more clearly. I’m really pleased that you are coming back to you and knowing who you are as it is the most fulfilling feeling in the world.
I have experienced that same settling feeling while being in Natalie Benhayon’s presence. There is something about that presence that doesn’t require us to change to fit into a certain shape to be there or with her. We are allowed to just be ourselves – a far cry from a world that says you must fit into this shape here and be this person over there etc. That presence that Natalie holds doesn’t ask us to be anything other than ourselves because as I have recently felt that settling feeling is also a quality within me.
‘To Just Be Me’…who would have thought that could be so hard!
Nicole I am sure your story is very relatable to many as it seems a very common theme to be ‘finding oneself’…the true self and not the made up one that is trying to fill themselves up from the outside, but the one that knows themselves from deep within and has the understanding that they are already enough as they are. When we give ourselves permission to remove all of those chamelion coats that we have put on it is amazing the gold that lays beneath and within, that has been patiently waiting to shine so very very bright.
Gorgeous Marika. Yes it is pretty shocking how ‘Just being yourself’ is such a hard and tricky task for so many (and it is only a task because they make it one). You’ve described it perfectly with the chameleon coats – if someone were to ask you who YOU actually were and what it meant to just be you, I know I’d certainly have to take quite a bit of time to think about that because there’s so many things that pop up in my mind, such as – ‘Well I have to be nice’, ‘I should probably say beautiful’, ‘That magazine told me that unless I was skinny I was doing wrong, so I should probably apologise for that’, etc. etc. All based on how the outside world has told me to behave, look and act.
Natalie Benhayon has also been the most amazing role model and friend to me and hundreds, perhaps thousands of other women and men. When I say role model it does not mean that I try to be anything like Natalie, but I become more and more of my true self and let go of more and more behaviours that I thought were me but were not. It takes awareness and courage to be true because society is set up for us to conform and not shine. Natalie is the most amazing, generous, wise, fun and dedicated person who gives back to others on a grand scale. It is an honour and joy to know Natalie and through that inspiration has become an honour and joy to know myself and others.
A beautiful blog Nicole – I agree with you whole-heartedly – Natalie Benhayon is a truly amazing role model for me too – regardless of the fact that she is young enough to almost be my grand daughter!
It is gorgeous to feel you really enjoying being the simply glorious woman that you are and sharing your words for all to enjoy you too – “The beautiful, tender, delicate and super scrumptious woman!!”
This is great Nicole, so much of what you have written I can relate to. Being everything for everyone else but at the expense of myself – eventually like you say we start to miss us and the connection we have to ourselves.
I absolutely relate too! That empty, dense feeling of ‘fitting in’ with others and compromising all that we truly feel to be liked or fill the ideals and beliefs that we carried. When we begin to honour who we really are and what feels true to us we do begin to see how much we missed our true selves all the time and how deeply it hurts us to live anything less than this. What an amazing discovery it is to rediscover our innate beauty and the pure, unique quality of us that we have always carried but can now choose to live in fullness.
I used to think that being a chameleon was how we were meant to be, it showed my adaptability and willingness to accommodate everyone, It never truly worked because no one really knew who they were going to get…least of all me.
Yes Alison I used to see it as a skill. Now I am getting to know myself again and just being the real me. Its much easier than playing all of those fake characters.
Thank you Nicole for being so honest and also for becoming the scrumptious women you are, to share this process with us/the world. I can relate very much to this Chameleon way of living and how exhausting it is to always be super-intent, to clock another persons requirement, even before this person has felt it themselves… The line: “Discovering how I laugh and smile for me, not for everyone else.” touched me the most, as it contains everything, you wrote about. This is a meaningful summary and picture for the whole transformation from a Chameleon-being to a precious beautiful true women. So laughing and smiling can be a very good marker to feel where I am at: the Chameleon, or the true me.
How many of us laugh and smile for ourselves? I know I have had a tendency to laugh very falsely to join in with others and often smiled politely only to seek recognition for being a ‘good’ girl. ”Discovering how I laugh and smile, not for everyone else”… now that’s a different ball game and something I will take with me into my day.
Taking myself on lots of first dates, I love it.
Yes me too – what a sweet way of expressing this, just love it.
Yes I did too Mariette, it stood out for me as the most gorgeous thing to do and something that I have not done enough of myself. A lovely way to take self care to another level.
I love this too, it’s super playful and sweet, very honouring and joyful.
We are all the same in essence, we are all sensitive and delicate beings, we all want to love and be loved and just be who we naturally are – isn´t it then not utterly ridiculous and preposterous that we make it so complicated? Of course it is, and it is not just a personal thing but one humanity is facing since ‘forever’ due to pursuing self-fulfillment outside of oneself. Time to return inwardly as you have done and we all should wisely do. A woman´s beauty and love are irresistible when coming from the inside out and that makes you indeed a super scrumptious woman.
Alex you have totally exposed what is at play. It is so true everyone wants to Love and to be Loved, what is shared in this article is that when we nurture and spend time with ourselves exploring and deepening our relationship with ourselves, to learn to truly love ourselves then we can naturally love another. This inner-essence is as you say within us all equally so and it is our natural state of being.
‘Just being me is like finding the rainbow complete with the pot of gold at the end.’ I can really relate to that Nicole and enjoyed reading your article very much. Nathalie Benhayon surely is a great inspiration. I am starting to see a glimpse of the woman I really am and loving every second of it.
Wow! How exhausting it must have been on you and your body to always be shape shifting so much and never for you just being you which is what you truly wanted. So many people in this world play this game and no wonder there is a need for so much energy boosting substances nowadays!
This is a great realisation Joshua, our bodies are certainly left depleted of loving energy when we are making choices to cover up and hide the truth of who we are. It makes sense when I think about how full and expansive my body feels when I breath, live, love and be just for me. There’s a sense of ease and simplicity in living and allowing others to live however they are choosing to do so too.
Good call Josh, connecting these two phenomena. I wonder what other reasons lie behind our need for the ‘extra energy’ supplements that in the end only add to the burden on our bodies? I’ll confess to one – eating more than I need to when I’m tired rather than addressing why I’m tired. We need to get as honest as Nicole has here about the reasons why we might be living anything less than harmoniously with ourselves in our bodies.
I agree – how normal is it n our society these days to be one way at work, one way at home, one way with friends. This lack of consistency is not only exhausting but might be why so many feel a underlying tension in life, as they are very often not truly themselves.
Nicole I can relate to being a chameleon so that I could fit in with different groups of people. It was quite exhausting. I have lots more energy now that I just allow myself to be.
As a woman I was trying to be a darling daughter, a supportive sister, a wonderful wife, a marvellous mother, an awesome auntie, a fantastic friend. Gosh, no wonder I was so tired. There was nothing in there based on who I was in relationship with me. I didn’t start trying to figure that out until I was 50 years old. And it did take a while to find my way into who I was, but I got there as we all will do if we apply ourselves to developing the relationship with ourselves. At 64 I feel younger and more fulfilled than I ever have……….because I know who it is I am living with. Thanks for a great article, Nicole. I too am inspired by Natalie Benhayon’s example.
I love this Gayle :”I feel younger and more fulfilled than I ever have……….because I know who it is I am living with.” I am so with you here as I feel exactly the same, I feel and look younger than 10 years ago even – and living with my self is just great.
Great blog – I often prided myself on being a chameleon until I realized how exhausting it was. I love how you have shared your journey of reconnection and discovery of the real you. What I stood out for me is how foreign it is for women on the whole to take this time for ourselves without guilt or resentment, without thinking that it is selfish. In my experience when I pay attention to those details and appreciate what it is that supports me I have such a solid foundation to stand on and live from
Me too Nicole – I used to think it was a great quality to have, to be able to be a chameleon. It resulted in a severe burnout for many years – a condition that I was able to completely turn around with the support of Universal Medicine.
Agreed Nicole being a chameleon is so exhausting.
Me too Nicole. It is an exhausting way of being, and a lifestyle that doesn’t actually bring any reward or joy. For a lot of my life I’ve wanted to ‘fit in’, particularly at school, but the thing is – when I did have a large group of friends, when I was looked highly upon in school social hierarchy… It felt no different to being alone and not being ‘popular’.
“Just being me is like finding the rainbow complete with the pot of gold at the end. I have found the Holy Grail . . . the familiar feeling of running into an old friend, Me!! I now have a sense of not needing to look outside of me anymore to make myself feel loved.” Amazing, thank you for sharing Nicole!
Thank you Nicole for your sharing. I so much enjoyed feeling your absolute preciousness through the lines. This preciousness that you now give room to blossom brings healing to us all.
Thank you Nicole for this wise and playful blog.
I can so so well relate to what you are sharing.
Ending a partnership in the most loving way I could have ever imagined allowed me to finally start to discover who I really am instead of being the indeed perfect chameleon for everyone.
Discovering this step by step is like not only finding the holy grail, but finding it every day again and again ;o)
Nicole, you are so gorgeous. Having known you for years, I know how absolutely amazing you are. To hear you appreciate all that you are for yourself is glorious. I love how you describe the most simple of things, which when you write on paper seem absurd, but it’s true…do we actually know what foods, music, activities, etc. we like, or have we been programmed and assumed these as our own. Taking time out to really feel this is so supportive to ourselves, and then as you have shown, everyone else in turn.
This is a great blog Nicole. It really brings home how much we can morph into something other than our true selves. I love how you describe getting to know who you are from the inside out with the support and example of Natalie Benhayon. She has certainly been leading the way in expressing the true qualities of a woman for many years and has inspired me enormously too. I am now exploring my natural delicateness and sweetness. Two qualities I walked away from many years ago. It is a beautiful homecoming that is for sure.
This is such an accurate description of so many of us Nicole, and something I have always recognised in myself, bending one way and another to try and fit in wherever I was and with whoever I was. I have never thought about a chameleon being a reptile before, its changing colours have created a false perception in me, but more recently in my life, after working with Serge Benhayon and Natalie Benhayon, I could start to feel this “cold blooded” approach I had to life, and trying to be liked and like everyone else is certainly cold blooded, it is total protection of the heart and has no love in it, it is all about “me”. This is so different from finding the true woman within and living to nurture her and nourish her with great care and love so that we CAN choose to just be and live from that essential inner heart place that will then nourish everyone else too.
Very true Joan – changing different personas so often has in the past left me feeling what you describe as ‘cold blooded’. The spark inside me wasn’t allowed to express, and by shutting it down I was left feeling empty and nameless.
Thank You Nicole! A timely article, to remind us all to let go of that cold chameleon suit, and begin to express ourselves and re-learn who we are as women (I love the dot points- and to explore more of my feelings). This has been an inspiring read. Your language is poetic “like a gardener who keeps adding to and maintaining the beautiful space that has been created.” Yet it makes SO much sense.
Nicole the discovery of the real you is the best adventure ever. I feel that many, if not most of us have played the chameleon game to some degree at some time and wondered why we are left feeling empty inside. I too have found Natalie Benhayon to be a great role model, and your story is very inspiring too!
Nicole, I thought I alone lived life as a chameleon and found that this was not the case. It was a tremendous release and blessing to drop my cloak of guises and reveal the truly wonderful person that hid away for so long. I too have been re- discovering the true me and loving the journey.
That ease that comes from just allowing ourselves to be us continues to amaze me. Like you said Nicole when we try to play roles, shapeshift to fit in it does leave us feeling like something is missing. What I am finding more now is that when I do hold back how I feel it all starts to twist inside me into something not pleasant at all. The more I connect to me the more I feel things like eating to distract is hard to physically swallow or walking in my head feels very heavy or typing not with me feels like I am cutting myself short and small. In a presentation Natalie Benhayon shared that a woman knows herself through her body and I have found this to be true the more I pay attention to my body and how it feels. With support I am developing a clearer picture of how I truly feel and how the not me feels.
Hi Nicole,
You are an amazing young woman and it is a privilege to feel how much you are claiming yourself back in a world that tells us we need to be everything but ourselves. The true depth of wisdom that you have is amazing and it needs to be appreciated and sung from the roof tops! really it does… the change within you, inspired by Natalie but chosen by you is such a big process and you are now the one that is capable of inspiring so many.
Love your article Nicole, waking up to the truth of who we are is like finding the rainbow and the holy grail all in one. Learning to live from that truth takes some practice, and not without some pain as I discover deeper layers of what I have run with that is not true, but the treasure is so great it is worth more than anything else in this life.
I fully agree with you Anne – I can say more or less the same, and when connected on this deeper level to ourselves it is truly so : “the treasure is so great it is worth more than anything else in this life.”
Nicole it’s simply beautiful to read how you have re-connected to the gorgeous woman you are. From molding and morphing yourself to fit into the needs of others to now being your own woman and knowing who you. This is very inspiring for me and I am sure for other women of all ages as we can go through life pleasing everyone around us, to the detriment of our own health. How lovely that when we do re-connect to that quality within, we realise that it has been their just waiting for us all along.
What I have found is that as I morphed myself into something I am not, it lead to illness. This was my body showing me very loud and clear “stop being something that you are not” and that when we are presenting to the world who we really are, our body is naturally harmonious. This has been a big ‘aha’ moment for me recognising that if I am being someone different to who I really am, my body will show me with telltale signs.
Donna, this is so true. I can feel it in every bone in my body! Literally, I can feel my body is stiff and run-down despite me eating a very healthy diet and sleeping well and exercising gently…I can feel that, even though these areas can and will certainly still refine, the big ‘issue’ for me to look at, is that I have not Truly been living Me! Also, thanks to Serge Benhayon & Natalie Benhayon I am beginning to get a glimpse of what it actually is to live me. And, as Nicole shared, I am feeling it can be a lot of fun.
What an amazing turnaround Nicole, the beauty of you being YOU shines out so brightly. Thank you.
I so love what you have shared Nicole. I can relate to being a chameleon. I realised a few years ago that I could not bring all of my friends together as they all knew me for being someone other than I was, and all different. I would not know which one to be if all my friends were there together as I would mould into what was acceptable in each circumstance.
Oh Heidi, I so know this feeling. I remember never celebrating my birthdays with large groups because of this chameleon dis-ease. Exactly how you’ve said it, I wouldn’t know who to be and I didn’t want to be outed as a liar! That’s what it felt like for me, lying to all these people because none of them actually knew who I was. I’m sure they could feel my essence and that’s what they were actually in love with, but the layers I put on top kept me from feeling the truth, that my friends from different groups all had one thing in common, they loved me. I think I just healed something.
Hey, i know that suit, it suited me for a long time! Whenever i was suited up it meant i didn’t have to share or shine the ALL of me. I wore that suit for so long that I forgot the innermost of who i am because i had been too busy fronting up in my suits! Fortunately I chose with the support of Universal Medicine to get rid of the suit and now my own true style totally rocks!
A beautiful reawakening of yourself as the gorgeous woman that you are, Nicole. To find our true self and to share this with the world is such a gift for all. Thank you.
I find that’s the fun part too Nicole- getting to know what you do and don’t like rather then going off what you think other people want of you. Natalie is an amazing woman, just talking with her is fantastic. Even being in the same room as her is inspirational.
I can so relate to feeling like you have found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow after working with an Esoteric Practitioner and building that re-connection to self… I can also relate to the chameleon approach to life, mastering how to fit in rather than just being me in all that I do. Great article Nicole, thank you.
A most delightful blog Nicole. I loved reading about your transformation from the chameleon, peeling backs those layers of protection that were not really you, to re-discover the beautiful woman you always were. These words made me smile: “Just being me is like finding the rainbow complete with the pot of gold at the end.” – Nicole, you are both the rainbow and the pot of gold!
Rod Harvey you have depicted very clearly just how far reaching one’s reflection of presenting the Real ‘Me’ can be — imagine what the world would be like if others followed your example to shed their Chameleon coats and strip back to the bare based bones of being who they truly are. True relationships would flourish, mental illness would dramatically reduce, people would be healthier and have more vitality and joy…and that’s just for starters. Why wouldn’t we choose to share this reflection of us ‘naked’ — no chameleon coat put on to mask us or to dull our ‘inner sparkle’.
Ruth I love your reference to being ‘naked’ and revealing our own unique expression. We have strayed far from appreciating, accepting and celebrating the beauty of our nakedness and then supporting ourselves and each other to work together by using each of our strengths and abilities to build a world of love and harmony.
I agree that it is an amazing process to rediscover what I really like rather than what I have been told to like and gone along with without really questioning if it feels right for me or not. It is shocking sometimes how strong the pull is to fit in and to do what will get me liked or accepted or recognised rather than what feels true to me. However it does feel amazing to honour myself by being completely honest with myself about how every aspect of my life actually truly feels in my body. Thanks Nicole for your inspiring and honest blog.
I agree Andrew – to allow myself to rediscover what is natural and supportive for me and my body, is an amazing process. One that is forever developing.
I too lived life a chameleon, and was actually pretty proud of the way I could change to whatever I felt someone else wanted me to be! Not only is this entirely disregarding of oneself, it’s actually a incredibly manipulative way to live. By reading other people so well and changing myself to fill their needs, they were in fact being tricked and manipulated into what I needed them to be for me – I needed to be needed. As you say Nicole, this is an exhausting and confusing way to live – we end up not knowing who we are, which in my case resulted in a feeling of desolation and desperation. Where do you start when you haven’t a clue who the real you is? I thank God that I too met Natalie Benhayon, Universal Medicine and Esoteric Women’s Health. Day by day, with commitment to being myself in full, I am learning how it feels to be me.
It is amazing how we can live like you have described, being an expert at knowing what another needs and being all too willing to deliver it , all the time leaving ourselves out of the equation and empty of any true connection. More amazing still to realise this and begin to allow ourselves some space, some opportunity to discover and uncover who we really are underneath and to start to live connected to ourselves, beginning to enjoy the simplicity that brings and the treasures that unfold along the way.
It is amazingly perverse how we want to hide what is truly beautiful and innately ourselves to instead offer the world a very poor substitute. Especially when within we are ‘beautiful, tender, delicate and super scrumptious’ women!! A gorgeous blog Nicole – thank you.
I too have found Natalie a great inspiration – her innate beauty, sexiness and joy for life have allowed so many to begin anew with building a true and ever deepening relationship with themselves.
This is absolutely gorgeous Nicole – I can certainly relate to what you shared about playing the chameleon and fitting in; I’ve tried all different personas left right and centre but none of them felt like me. I think something that hit home for me from reading your blog is actually how fun it can be to get to know yourself – go on dates, cook things that you feel like, dress in a way you want to etc… Before when people said things like, ‘you’ve got to learn to know yourself’ I went straight into reaction like, ‘How on earth do I do that!!!?’ and thought it would be a long and painful task. Definitely not.
OMGee Me too!
Thank you for sharing Nicole, I can relate to what yiu are saying. I used to do my best to fit in to every situation and group, like you I mastered being the chameleon. So much so I remember thinking its crazy everyone at school knows of me, but they don’t actually know me. Whilst I could say I had heaps of friends most were distant acquaitances and they were very much about using each other. There was no love. No the more i am simply myself the more real connections i make with people and the more i appreciate who i am and dont try to fit in. Natalie Benhayon has been super supportive over the years at helping me claim my sensitivity and the man that I am.
It feels like you have been taking off all those layers that kept you in disguise and what was underneath is sooo beautiful!!, what a great list of things to reconnect to oneself, when you say you have explored: what I (emphasized) feel to eat, the places I (emphasized) like to go to, it makes me wonder, about my choices, and if I actually live the life I (emphasized) choose…great claiming of you. I love your blog and will re read it again. The feeling I get is so sparkly and deep at the same time…
I agree Julia, Nicole does feel sparkly and deep. I enjoyed re-reading this blog and the sharing from others 🙂
A beautiful sharing with us Nicola – Sitting with this for a while I realised that until my younger son left home it was the turning point that I then gave myself permission to then nurture myself. I had for a while before that started to take onboard that I was equally as important as all those I was ‘mothering’ but I had not truly felt what an amazing woman I was/am. My coat of many colours was somewhat dulled by all the doing and being that in there somewhere the true essence of me got lost. Like you share I started to get to know myself ‘more deeply’ and stopped looking from the outside for answers – an amazing journey it is too. Letting go gradually of all those deeply ingrained patterns that I created. Natalie Benhayon is such an inspiration and is a truly amazing role model for all.
Thank you for sharing this with us, Nicole. For a long time in my life I would do a very similar thing of trying to figure out what someone else needed in order to get them to recognise me or be grateful, but what I wanted or what what my life was asking for was put on the back burner. As a result, what would come up inevitably was a strong force of resentment, which I would try to bury for a while until it became unbearable. Now, what I am learning is to honour myself, and make honesty about what I want, need, like, etc etc my starting point as a way to honour myself as being equal to all others.
Yes Naren, that old chestnut of resentment is not far away when we let the chameleon run our lives. I love how you also referred to ‘what my life was asking for …’. This confirms for me how our own distinct expression is waiting there to unfold; to reveal the fullness of the beauty and deep love we all truly are. It was beautiful to read how Nicole shed her chameleon skin when she connected to her own amazing expression.
It’s lovely to read how loving it felt for you to shed your chameleon coat, and allow people in to experience you being your natural self.
What a beautiful blog Nicole and reading other people’s comments it seems being a chameleon is something most of us relate to as we have tried to fit into life. You have shown here what happens when we let that go and return to who we are in our essence – tender, beautiful, loving and wise.
Thank you Nicole for such an honest helpful and revealing blog .From being a chameleon to just being me and the beauty and true gold you have found is very beautiful to read and know for myself also. I am sure we can all relate to this and the something missing always being missing the real essence and love we are. To realise and find this through our own journey of coming inside and building a deep connection with ourselves really is the pure love we are all looking for. The reflection from this is awesome and inspiring with everyone as is the inspiration and role model Natalie Benhayon for all women and her healing sessions are pure magic. Away with the ideals and beliefs we have all taken on and in with the true real women and men we all are.
Thank you Nicole for sharing such a beautiful blog which I can relate to very much especially to playing the different roles to ‘fit in’ with everyone. For me, I felt extremely insecure and would worry incessantly about what others thought of me. As I develop a loving relationship with myself, getting to know the real me, I am finding that I am becoming stronger and the worrying only occurs on the odd occasion. ”I cannot help but smile when I look at how far I have come.” It is incredible the changes taking place within the students (myself included) of Universal Medicine and this piece of writing is a testament to this.
Nicole what a great sharing of everything you have embraced. It’s like you have shed an old skin to discover the true shiny and incredible you that was always there. Very inspiring!
Yes, shedding the old reptilian skin and finding that underneath there was a gorgeous delicate one all along.
Gorgeous! It only took me about 35 years to work out how I like my eggs cooked, rather than having the same as my partner, whether I liked them like that or not! What a joy to discover your true self Nicole and long may it continue, long may that beautiful scrumptious woman keep getting bigger and brighter. Thank you for your honesty and sharing, very inspiring.
This is made me laugh Rowena. I can so relate to not making my own choices for a long time, going with whatever the other person was liking but never making the commitment to feel or explore how I liked it. I now also have been playing with things and more and more get to know how I like my things in life, actually I am pretty confident with knowing it at the moment I have to say. This is awesome to notice seen where I have come from!
Yes Rowena and Lieke realising that we can actually make our own choices and that THAT it is our responsibility was a real revelation for me. When we play the roles as the chameleon we never hang in their long enough to know what it is that we truly bring.
Love it Rowena. How many of us can relate to the seemingly small things, like having our eggs like our partner, that really add up to a whole life that is not truly us? I know I can!
Yes, the small things in life are actually the ones that decide the big things and they can bring constant joy and harmony. The big things often grow out of the small things.
It is the same for going to courses – how you live your life between the courses decides substantially what you get out of the courses and decides how much you keep from the courses.
Vive les petites affaires!
I liked this too Rowena. I’m realising that the ‘easy going’ person who doesn’t want to disturb the norm or whatever is going on is actually abusive, especially to themselves. I’m enjoying speaking up about what I feel like to eat or do etc, and allowing myself the space to choose rather than feeling helpless and ‘going with the flow’.
I’ve tripped up on this one too Racheal – by ‘going with the flow’ according to where everyone else stands, we put ourselves at risk of getting swept away in the current, for in order to keep up with others, we first have to override our own rhythm. If instead we remain true to the flow that flows within, we can never be dragged out to sea because honouring our innate rhythm is honouring the greater rhythm in which we are held. Thus, be true to the flow that flows within and you will never drift far from shore.
That is beautifully said Liane. I love how you take it further to our rhythm and the bigger rhythm that holds us. I never looked at it like that before.
So funny Rowena…and at the same time not. I have eaten meals because people want me to eat them, cooked meals my partner liked, generally said “yes” a lot and have been generally very lovely, very agreeable. Very easy going.
The fact that I was a seething mass of resentment on the inside was not so lovely, not so agreeable. That chameleon style reptile suit is made of rubber and it doesn’t breathe so easily. It bends and contorts so much that we don’t even know how we like our eggs!
Like you Nicole I have started the process of suit removal. I’ve discovered that saying “no” when I mean no is actually saying “yes”…to me. And I don’t actually want to be agreeable and easy going. I want to be me. All of me.
And I like my eggs poached, yolks slightly runny in the centre.
This is a very sweet blog. Completely relatable for me as I had been a chameleon as well for far too long. And then it felt like Natalie Benhayon woke me up from this deep slumber of given up and withdrawal. And in this process I too have discovered that there is a genuine person here who has a voice and likes and dislikes – what a revelation!
Wow, Nicole, I love this blog. I can relate to certainly not being me for most of my life. Most of my decisions were made by taking into account what the other person wanted to choose, to do, or whatever. I did not really feel that I could push my own likes onto the other person. I would say, whatever you want to do etc. If I actually stated what I would like, it often did not marry with the expectations of the other person. It came to the point that I often did not actually know what I did like or want to do. I absolutely lost myself for most of my life. I would have termed it ‘I disappeared myself’ and now realise that is what I deliberately did. Oh such a big Ouch. I certainly did not like myself.
Since I met Serge Benhayon and attended Universal Medicine presentations, I have very gradually come to find my true self under all the subservient layers I had placed over myself. And like you, over the past several years especially, I have been inspired by Natalie Benhayon, who is such a role model for all women in living as a true woman in all her tenderness, power and strength. I too began to have beautiful sessions with Natalie to discover more and more of the woman that I am. I found especially through the Sacred Movement classes which Natalie introduced, I have begun to expose more and more of the beautiful, sexy woman that I truly am.
Nicole, what an honest sharing. I can relate very much to having lost the sense of who you truly are. I also am on my way to finding back to the true me and even if it is hitting holes the process starts to make fun. Natalie Benhayon equally for me is a role model, where I know this is how it feels to live the truth, claimed and powerful.
Nicole, how gorgeous it is to just be you and it shows. Thank you for sharing your story as it helps us all understand that our gorgeousness and amazingness is just under ‘that self-made reptilian coat’ and it is time for us all to let go the ‘reptilian age’ as it went out with the dinosaurs. Let’s reveal it all by ‘just being me’, as you have shown us Nicole.
I think there are millions out there who are being chameleons, I used to be a brilliant one myself and thought this was a great skill, but actually, what you describe is the same as what I have come to realise and actually it’s quite an ugly, manipulating way to be with people, I hadn’t been myself for so long I have had to re-learn who I am, ask myself what I actually love to do, and appreciate the natural way I do things. I can relate to it being like dating too, getting to know myself, paying attention to me and treating myself with deep care…and then I start falling in love with myself, as life is so much simpler and more enjoyable when you can just be yourself.
I too thought that this was a great skill that I had honed Laura. I used to pride myself on the fact that I could fit in with anyone anywhere. It was only after I was supported to reconnect and begin to know who I truly am that I could see how exhausting being a chameleon is and how lost I really was.
So true Nicole. I too have been inspired to shed the skin of conformity and live the woman I am. Your words that say it for me are “I now have a sense of not needing to look outside of me anymore to make myself feel loved” and in connecting to the love that I am and always have been, if only I’d chosen to be aware of it, I am having fun being the woman I am with no need to strive to be whatever I think others expect of me.
Mary I can feel the power within your words “I am having fun being the woman I am with no need to strive to be whatever I think others expect of me.” . The interesting thing that I am finding though still, is that if I lose that true connection to myself, the thoughts of still wanting to ‘not rock the boat’ or ‘meeting what I may see as an expection from another’ are still there just lurking somewhere in the mire, waiting to bring forward those old beliefs of ‘not being enough’ or ‘not measuring up’. However, as a result of attending the Universal Medicine presentations and spending time with the beautiful practitioners of the Way of the Livingness I am soon reminded the choice is mine.
I am with you on this Mary, “I now have a sense of not needing to look outside of me anymore to make myself feel loved”, and re-learning and allowing myself to just be me.
Thank you Nicole for openly sharing what I am sure many women and men can relate to. I know I can and looking back on this way of behaving I find it shocking to see that even though I was choosing to keep changing in different roles I was not aware it was happening which shows how far away I was from having any sense of myself and who I really was. The simple ways you used to discover you are inspiring – thank you.
As is your name, this is a very wise and beautifully written article. There are many different phrases and images that I love and connect with as I read it. The one that particularly stands out today is, “Just being me is like finding the rainbow complete with the pot of gold at the end. I have found the Holy Grail”.
I agree Jonathan all the colour and the riches of re-connecting to the real and whole glorious us that has been busting to come out for eons. And now the time is here.
Thank you Nicole. What a gorgeous honest share. I know your journey so well, you might as well have written it on my behalf. Not only have I been a chameleon to fulfill what I have thought everyone else’s needs and expectations were, but I myself have had a host of ideals, beliefs and expectations which I have been playing along to as well and often these have been far more inhibiting of my freedom of expression. Natalie Benhayon is a great role model showing us that it is indeed time that all of us women lived the beautiful, tender, delicate and super scrumptious women that we are as you have chosen to do.
Awesome Nicole! I really enjoyed where you wrote about discovering the music YOU really liked and the way YOU like to dress and what actually made YOU laugh. That was superb. I too have had a lot of fun re-discovering this and I play with life everyday.
Me too, Harry, getting to know ourselves from the inside out is glorious!
I do totally agree Harrison, the way I thought I needed to be has shaped a lot of my life, and rediscovering all the things I have missed from myself is an amazing experience. Everyday is a joy to live, not a full-time job calculating all the moves I made.
Wow, I am just realising how many of us have not lived in honour of who we truly are and what this means. The fact that we need to rediscover ourselves raises some very big questions, like “how did we get to this place where so many people are abandoning themselves to fit it in” What are we trying to fit in to? Why aren’t we celebrated for who we are as children and instead moulded to fit some societal ideal or other?
Your blog Nicole and all the comments offer an amazing eye opening and inspiring new way forward, a new pathway back to our true selves, for all who read it.
It is just so plain and simple. And it is such a treat to re-discovery who we actually are after years and years of modifying our behaviours to ‘fit in’.
Yes, Harrison, building a relationship with me, discovering more of myself every day and what I enjoy and what I am really feeling is a wonderful joyful unfolding and quite surprising at times making me realise how there have been whole pockets of not living me at all.
Wise words Nicole Wise that deserve to be seen by men and women throughout the world. And imagine what that world would be like if others followed your example to shed their Chameleon coats and strip back to the bare based bones of being who they truly are. True relationships would flourish, mental illness would dramatically reduce, people would be healthier and have more vitality and joy…and that’s just for starters. The changes you have made in your life are inspirational Nicole.
Here here rod! The power of true change! It is something that every person in the whole word wants, and its something that Nicole has found! True freedom in being herself, effortlessly, unconditionally and freely. Another amazing woman stepping out of her chameleon cloak to live life and live it wholeheartedly for the beautiful women that is within.
Agreed Rod! I could also see that there would be no competition especially between women… just an appreciation for each other’s quality and beauty. Imagine how honest and simple life would become!
Great point Rod. Everyone wears a chameleon coat of some sort as the ideals and roles that we take on in life. How different would the world be if we all chose to let go of the coat and live our real selves. Very inspirational indeed!
Yes I agree I love the way Nicole has shown the reality of the Spice Girls world and why it couldn’t and didn’t last – yes just like a party popper – great analogy. One day all the little girls in the world will have the option of at last knowing what a true role model is. Natalie inspires me deeply and shows me there is another way – and it’s so much fun !
Yes Rod can you imagine just how different the world would be if we shed our coats? Upon each meeting we would know that we were getting the real deal. A consistency in each other would be felt and the way we related would truly flourish and deepen.
So many of us have been chameleon imposters. I know that I was.
Change is here.
May we connect to who we TRULY are…. let go of our heavy coats and allow our true essence to be felt. The world feels lighter just thinking about it. 🙂
Nicole you are leading the way.
Rod whilst reading your comment it really became very clear to me the connection between the strain of being who we are not and our physical and mental illnesses, not to mention our general misery as a species. It’s no wonder we haul our exhausted bodies from place to place, when we are constantly bearing the strain of being something we are not. My goodness the sheer relief and lightness of being to eventually throw off the myriad of different coats and to simply stand in the splendor of who we are.
Awesome point Rod! Just think of the savings in financial and emotional costs and the ease on our health system by living this way… And being true to ourselves.
Very Wise words Rod from two Wise people. If we could actually strip ourselves back to bare bones, and take a good look inside to see were we have been going wrong, and then re-build what we truly wish to be, loving open , honest, and let people see who we really are. I am positive great changes would come from it on a worldwide basis.
Big yes to all that you say here Rod, it is not just our own lives that dramatically turn around when we drop away the masks and roles and let the real us be seen. The ripple effects are enormous — everyone benefits from the choice we make to be ourselves first and foremost.
I can very much relate to the chameleon way of living. Discovering that this actually is not a true way of living but a playing it safe to fit into the world kind of living and what a blessing it is to have a woman like Natalie Benhayon living herself in her fullness every moment. A role model that inspires me to come out of my shell and as you say ‘start living the truth of who I really am.’
I agree what you say Esther, the chameleon way of living is not a true way of living. It is shocking how many of us, including myself have ‘lived’ this way and beautifully inspiriting that we are re-connecting to the true soulful and sexy women we are.
Agree Esther, there is no truth to it at all. Playing save is a massive illusion as it pushes as deeper and deeper into this role play and the growing insecurity of not being ourselves opens up this endless need for recognition and identification. Trying to fit into the world and at the same time creating individuality to stand out and be special and recognized is a horrible plague that needs urgently amazing role models that inspire people to come out of our shell and as you say ‘start living the truth of who I really am.’ All the women I know who have walked the path of living the truth of who they truly are inspired by Natalie Benhayon and many other women are today role models for other people. The world will be slowly taking stock of the amazing service Universal Medicine is offering humanity.
Playing it safe, never letting who we are out therefore never really letting anyone in, this goes on for so long we forget who we are…doesn’t really lead to much joy in life. Thanks to Natalie and Serge Benhayon, I too have been able to stop playing it safe (a work in progress). The joy that has come back to my life and the spark and inspiration I feel daily, is truly incredible.
I loved reading this Nicole and I feel like going through the same process. It is like you said a joy to become more and more the beautiful me again and feeling that I am complete just by myself without needing something or someone to be there for me. I indeed bring that thing I always wanted, Me!
All we want is to be us. Sometimes we have to go through quite the process to know this again. Well worth it I say.
Nicole I can so relate to being a chameleon, that was my method of gaining approval and being liked too. What you’ve shared is a beautiful confirmation of the true beauty within all of us, men and women alike, and the liberation and healing that occurs when we shed this outer facade.
I can relate to this too Jenny, and also spent many years in ignorance adapting myself to suit different situations and different relationships. I’ve found this is something I need to continually be aware of, as even though I am much more aware of these behaviours, I still notice myself sometimes changing or not being myself to gain approval ( ie to be seen as a good mother, employee etc) or for attention or recognition etc. It’s sometimes obvious and sometimes more subtle, but always an opportunity to look at why I feel the need to not be myself in the first instance (which might be a lack of self-worth, not wanting to feel a hurt etc).
And Nicole has also beautifully highlighted the simplicity of shedding the chameleon coat. I love that all we need to do is re-connect deeply with ourself and the woman / man we truly are and honour our inner truth. It’s so simple and just lovely.
The things we do to be liked – it’s crazy. It’s inspiring to read about people who have improved their self worth so much that they no longer care whether someone likes them or not, as their beauty is there every moment of the day.
A few days ago I told a dear friend of mine ‘I am a beautiful man; whether they see it now or later, or not at all, doesn’t change that fact’. This indeed is a result of improved self worth.
Jenny it’s not only ironic but quite sad that for much of my life I championed being a chameleon, thinking that this was the way – the way to live. Something much of our society does as well. Yet as Nicole and so many others have shared fitting it, being a chameleon meant whilst I didn’t ruffle any feathers I didn’t actually know who I was. Learning to shed the layers of chameleon is a true miracle and with each layer shed I find, as you’ve shared, a freedom and liberation.
Awesome blog Nicole – love it. I agree in full Natalie Benhayon is a true role model for women and the way she is with people and how she lives constantly inspires me. I can feel how your choice to shed your chameleon coat has let people see your inner sparkle and how you are now an inspiration for the women in your life too, simply by allowing yourself to be the beautiful, tender, loving woman you naturally are.
Yes Bianca, Natalie Benhayon is a true role model for all women and an absolute inspiration. The joy and wisdom she consistently expresses and lives on a daily basis is within us all just waiting to blossom and flower.
Totally agree Rosemary, Natalie Benhayon is an absolute joy and inspiration – no chamelion coat for her, she presents the full truth of her womanhood with every breath she takes – and in a way that inspires others to live the same.
Absolutely Catherine – that coat definitely does not hide in her closet… She is all of her, all the time, and such consistency is inspirational. As a young woman I am stunned to see someone so confident in themselves when so many other girls I see on a day to day basis struggle with self confidence and self worth. Natalie is a huge role model.
Absolutely Catherine, no adapting and no hiding for Natalie. She brings all of her to the world and inspires many, including me.
Yes, Natalie Benhayon is so absolutely gorgeous, and she actually inspires you to fall in love with yourself! and to want to get to know the real woman (or man) you are intimately. Her relationship with herself does not encourage you to be more like her, but to be more like you.
Yes, Bianca, Natalie Benhayon is an incredibly inspirational woman, but to us men as well! She has an amazing grace and strength in her, yet is conveys a sacredness in her femininity which allows a man to feel just how tender he can be. She does not ever ask a man to be other than what he is. This is something that is truly special.
Whoa Naren that’s a game-changer. Natalie Benhayon ‘does not ever ask a man to be other than what he is’. When a woman truly knows who she is and lives from this fullness, the divisive undercurrent that is designed to keep men and women separate is blown out of the water, and instead allowing through an all embracing love that holds us all equal.
How beautiful to have it from a man’s perspective, and that there is no difference. With Natalie Benhayon we all get graced by the same level of love and dedication and the same level of absolute presence.
Wow Naren that is so wunderbar to have a man talking about what he felt being with Natalie. It would be so beautiful if more women can “convey their sacredness in her femininity” like Natalie so that more men can feel “just how tender they can be”.
I agree Natalie Benhayon is most definitely a true role model and the consistancey that she lives her life in is super inspiring. The dedication that she has to connect deeply to the sacredness that she is as a Woman is the pure truth of what is possible as a Woman. To let go of all the roles we think we need to be and simple be the sexy sacred Woman that we are is without question a more profound preciousness that I now know is possible.
It’s one lie after another when we re-invent ourselves to be what we imagine another person wants us to be. It’s not healthy and the effort we have to go to to keep up the charade is exhausting. It’s a game, maybe people like playing it, like we like watching movies to escape, but no-one really benefits, relationships are but a mere shadow of the possibility they should be. I’m glad you’ve seen through your parts and decided to offer the world someone real.
From my experience, Suzanne, I don’t feel anyone likes playing the chameleon game. It doesn’t feel good and really has no purpose other than to hurt ourselves and everyone else by not truly being ourselves. I am only able to see this now as I continue to stop playing this game with the support of Serge Benhayon and Natalie Benhayon and return to my natural glory, but before this I was caught up in this destructive cycle too.
When you’ve been doing something for a long time, in this case acting in roles for much of your life, that way of being becomes very familiar and we tend to like what is familiar, Robyn. I think once the charade is over and someone sees snippets of the real them and starts to live that, I’m sure that way of being will be preferred, but while the games go on, and while one doesn’t know any different, I do see people enjoying the escapism that playing our roles gives them. You are quite right in calling it a destructive cycle, I’m sure we all might still get caught up in from time to time.
Yes I agree Suzanne and I can attest to what you have shared. Having played the chameleon act for a long time, it does take time to break the pattern. I find that when I am around new people or in a situation that brings up anxiousness the chameleon act is my ‘go to’. I have decided to have a bit of fun with it of late and not to get too serious around it as that keeps me in the act itself or brings on another act which is ‘more serious’ and not the real me either. It is taking a while to distinguish between all those little bits that are still not the real me and what I think is the real me. A marker that I use in my body for feeling is – do I feel completely at ease in my own skin and am I completely present with my body? If the answer is yes, I know I am being the real me.
I know I find myself getting caught up in playing the chameleon sometimes, and it is draining and exhausting and I lose myself in the process. What is it that we are so afraid of by not being our true selves, not being loved, being rejected? Are we not enough for just being who we are. For me being the chameleon is dishonouring myself, and yes it is very destructive because I am hiding myself and keeping myself small and that kind of behaviour never serves anyone. It makes me sad to think of the roles we all play from time to time, it is like we are all playing one big game and in fact, hiding behind each other. It wasn’t until I met Serge Benhayon and his family that I experienced what is was like to be in the presence of people that were 100% committed to being themselves, and this inspiration is what keeps me working on allowing my true self to shine through.
I agree Robyn and also no one likes to be with the chameleon, we all feel how it does not feel genuine or authentic, like your being managed. Yet I too have managed and micro managed my relationships to fit in and be liked by others. Also as I have let this go slowly but surely others are much more responsive to me and much more loving. It’s beautiful what being yourself invites from others.
‘It’s beautiful what being yourself invites from others.’ I love this line Vanessa, and have come to know this too. It is a joy to be myself and I don’t get exhausted by it. Instead I get more vibrant and playful as I connect more truthfully to others everyday.
From my experience with playing the chameleon game, it brought nothing but a deep sadness. I was not me, did not know who I was and there was a huge amount of resentment that those I was in relationship with could not see me for who I truly was. But I was expecting them to see me magically as I was letting very little of myself out.
I have to say I felt the same Nikki. I never wanted to not be myself, but I had gotten so lost in trying to be accepted and liked by others that I didn’t really know which parts of me were real. When this was exposed, the sadness felt enormous, but after a period I realised the sadness (just like all the different faces) was just another thing to keep me from really getting to know who I was.
Likewise Nikki – the chameleon game was exhausting to me even though I thought I was in control. To understand that I was playing a role, and to allow myself to drop that, has been huge for me and everyone who knew me as ‘fitting in so well, nice and agreeable’
To claim who I am , how I am feeling and what is true has never felt so freeing or loving.
To be seen for who we truly are is what we want – and it still baffles me that we can spend so much time not allowing that.
It’s so ironic that we get frustrated and resentful at the world for not seeing us as who we truly are, when we’re the ones refusing to show up and be all of who we really are! Blaming the world, and our relationships is a great game that allows us to stay in protection and hiding, and the resentment of that. Really we’re just poisoning ourselves. Eventually we start to feel that living in hiding and in so much protection really hurts – most of all ourselves – it makes us ill and is not our natural way of being, and the more we come out of hiding, the more full life we start to feel, and this then is reflected back to us in all other areas of life.
Hear hear Suzanne – it is indeed a game. We avoid taking responsibility for bringing our true expression to the world.
I agree Eva and Suzanne. It is a game we are playing and a harmful one at that. By us not expressing our truth doesn’t allow others to be in their truth.
I find that in some aspects or situations the roles I have used to hide behind and protect myself have become quite ingrained and therefore it can take a strong commitment in the moment to break that pattern (and not just run with the familiar) before I can express truly. That is why it is so important to really come to know me and develop a deeply self-loving relationship with myself which builds my presence and gives me a ground to express from. And yes, these protective behaviours have all stemmed from shirking the responsibility of true expression in the past.
I agree Josephine, it’s very key to build a loving foundation in ourselves that we can constantly fall back on as we start to out the various ways we have chosen to be chameleons instead of our true selves. Until that time, the destructive behaviours actually become the default foundation, and even though deep down we know the choices we are making are leading us to be more and more lost, more and more disconnected from who we truly are, we don’t have the tools that a true foundation will offer, for us to become honest and truthful and shake off those destructive behaviours.
Dear Josephine, this is very beautiful what you express here about the importance of getting to know yourself through developing a truly loving relationship with you first, your presence and your expression. I can say that this is where I am at also, little by little building and deepening the foundation of love I have for myself that I can then take out to the everyone in my life.
Suzanne when I look back on how I used to be it’s not so much one lie after another in my case, more like ‘one lie fits all’. That one lie was to be nice, compliment others and play down my strengths so as to not make others feel in any way uncomfortable. I even held back sharing about my son, incase other Mums went into comparison ! My behaviour left a greasy streak where ever I went. Yuk !
And Suzanne, invention happens also in jobs or professions, particularly in Sales or Customer Services with the training technique of mirror-match…to get alignment and hence seal the deal. This is how ‘reading people’ is often taught, when in truth reading a person, is just feeling them – without becoming them. Ultimately under (re)invention, we’re changing to morph into another person…to get something back, and this can be addictive, even liked as you say. And this is what causes the drain, this constant retrieving and putting on an act, to win another’s favour for gain.
It’s true Zofia what you share, I can see how we change ourselves in the world of work to fit in with what we think is needed, or in fact required so that we get back what we need. But in the process we exhaust ourselves and dishonour completely what might be true for ourselves in each situation.
Yes Suzanne there are so many lies when we act in any way that is not who we truly are. There is also the more subtle lying to ourselves of ‘I can eat that’ or ‘I’m fine with that’ or ‘I’m not enough’… which is a big one I have used most my life. I’ve never liked playing these games or putting on a false persona to anyone… it felt more like, I will become a chameleon to not draw attention to myself and to not bring up anything uncomfortable for myself or others. The irresponsibility is huge when I look at how this plays out now.
“Not to draw attention to myself and not to bring up anything uncomfortable for myself or others.” Yes, this has been me in certain situations. I have become so used to doing this that at times I can have trouble accessing what I do actually feel and that can be a lie too. Usually it is something very obvious and simple sitting there but I have chosen to override it or simply keep it to myself out of habit or fear of the consequences of speaking out. Now I find that when I do speak in these moments it is always revealing, it often initiates a deeper connection with the other person and it can expose where I am at and a limitation I might be carrying. Either way it is expanding whereas the holding back, hiding or being a chameleon is obviously the opposite.
I can very much relate Josephine. When we’ve been chameleons for such a long time, we can trick ourselves easily in not discerning what we truly feel. What i’ve discovered is this is all part of the unfolding journey of retuning back to our innate wisdom which is absolutely clear but that we’ve buried away as a result of trying o be something we’re not. Little by little, our illusions and tricks can be lovingly exposed, and in being tender and gentle with ourselves we can step forward with more knowing, and more of us, being real. And every time we look in the mirror that’s what we can see — less of the chameleon and far more of the real us, which is such a joy to see.
Aimee that is a good point you have made: “I will become a chameleon to not draw attention to myself and to not bring up anything uncomfortable for myself or others.” Who is not guilty for doing it consciously or unconsciously? Therefore we also need us all to reflect each other were we truly are and were we come from so that we can say more and more no to be a chameleon for us or for the others.
I am wondering, Nicole just how many of us adapt and change like a chameleon to fit in with different individuals or groups around us? I love how you describe, ‘looking forward to the next steps – like a gardener who keeps adding to and maintaining the beautiful space that has been created.’ How gorgeous that you have discovered the ‘beautiful, tender, delicate and super scrumptious woman’ underneath that chameleon coat. An inspiration for us all to be who we are as we are.
I can relate to that chameleon persona. I too was so good at it that l took up professional acting and got paid to do it for many years. It’s an amazingly challenging process to clock it and let it go because it has become so ingrained in me as being me. Im learning to be more aware of it in everyday situations and refrain from doing it. It’s humbling. However it’s worth it and as you say Nicole it’s wonderful to “start living the truth of who l really am.”
So beautifully and honestly shared Irena, this demonstrates a lot of courage and surrender to me. None of those yucky patterns are part of our essence, and this knowing or openess to consider that possibility makes the process of allowing ourselves to feel and let go much much easier.
I think what is key in this process is not to judge the “yucky” patterns so to speak, but to see them as part of “what is not truly us”, clock them and then allow ourselves the space to come back to the essence of who we are. I know that I have used these facades for a very long time that sometimes I think they are the real me. As the process unfolds of seeing and feeling what is the real me and what is not, it is super important to remain gentle and loving and not judge. See it as a little ‘ooppss’ and then choose the real me instead.
Great point Donna. When we stop and clock rather then judge we can make decisions to change how we approach life rather than beat ourselves up over what we should be. This leaves space to then feel the amazingness of who we are.
Donna, what you have written feels so essentially important to me as I judge myself all the time. Although I know that I just hurt myself with this, it is a strong pattern and I find it really difficult to step out of the never ending self criticism. But when I ask myself the question if the criticism is me, the answer is clearly “No!”, so I will take your comment as a reminder of really appreciating myself lovingly today and also in the next days. Time to cut the energy of judgement and self punishing.
Yes Rachel that chameleon coat can get mighty heavy over time. But as we peel off the heaviness of the coat and return to the joy and tenderness that was always there a real lightness shines through. Definitely worth investing in a great pair of sunnies then as the light can be super bright and sunny.
Yes ready to drop the chameleon coat too cold…. And rather rely on the warmth radiating out from my inner heart than rely on the approval and acceptance of others
Love this Jenny.
All that colour changing is so exhausting.
Michelle it is a massive relief to just be ourselves, to share openly to be vulnerable to be playful to accept that we are beautiful straight up no compromise. To live knowing your source is the greatest gift we can give ourselves.
Yes I remember attending my first course at Universal Medicine and we were about to do an exercise and we were awaiting instructions and one of the first instructions was that we did not have to DO anything, just be there and be ourselves. The relief that ran through me was incredible as I realised that I am often ‘on guard’ or in a chameleon state to be ready for what is next. It is lovely to just be me – I still get caught up in stuff but when I remember to return to me – I smile and feel my loveliness.
I smile and feel my loveliness when reading your comment Sarah, I agree, it is a relief when we realise that we don’t have to DO anything, it is OK to just be, and once we get used to the feeling of nakedness by being ourselves and not hiding behind a mask or being a chameleon we open ourselves up and allow others in and they can be themselves too.
Yes Sarah it is like our bodies get to breathe more deeply and say “Wow thank you for being you,” now I don’t feel so constricted and tight anymore. I also find I feel like I am shorter from carrying all the burdens of carrying so many different masks and once these drop away, I grow ten feet tall.
Beautiful reminder Sarah. It has taken me a long time to understand this Sarah, to drop the guard and the colour pot…
..I’m getting it now though.
Gorgeous Michelle, ‘there is no shame in presenting the truth of who I am ‘, for many years i thought I was not enough as I was, I tried hard to be something, somebody else, this was hard work and felt very empty. It feels lovely now that I accept myself more and more and know that I am enough and that I can simply say what I feel and be me.
Saying what I feel and giving myself permission to just be me is one of the greatest gifts I can give myself and others as it allows them to be them too.
There is such a wonderful richness in exploring the woman I am underneath all my roles and how I choose to express that on any given day, that far outweighs the burden to keep adapting to what I think people want me to be like to be accepted.
Yes Jenny it is so lovely to have fun re-discovering who we really are underneath all the roles we play. It really does outweigh the chameleon coat of burden we have held for so long.
I so agree Kelly, it is lovely discovering the real person under the heavy coat of the chameleon.
And Natalie Benhayon has been an amazing, powerful and beautiful role model for all women, reminding us all who we innately are also.
No matter how pretty a chameleon woman can make herself, it is never as beautiful as the woman who knows herself and lives that.
I wholeheartedly agree Rachel and Nicole. Nicole, your article is inspiring for all women, because how many of us can in honesty say that we have not subscribed to some kind of role? I can certainly relate to moulding myself to suit others, and become a chameleon in order to please and be liked.
It was exhausting and hugely debilitating because of course in doing so, I would dismiss and bury the real me. Natalie Benhayon has also been a huge inspiration to me, to re-discover and cherish the true woman I have always been who doesn’t need to try and please and get brownie points of approval. Natalie has inspired me to be all that I am and to let that be seen in all the joy and true playfulness, to let myself be the real me and celebrate it. This is the biggest gift I could have ever asked to receive.
I looked at my clothes 2 years ago and realised that most of the clothes in my closest were not what I would choose to wear. They were the taste of whatever girl friend I had been shopping with. I ended up giving them to these women and went out and bought cloths that I liked. It was not easy at first as I did not know what my style was.
Yes it is such a relief to be yourself. When I choose to express exactly what I feel with no holding back, I feel so empowered and It is so freeing in my body. At the same time the other receives a blessing to either align to or not.
I couldn’t agree more Mary Louise. It takes so much energy to be someone you are not. I spent many years doing this and would have different friends to fit in with my ‘different coloured skin.’ Now though I no longer need to change myself to be with certain people and enjoy being me with whoever I am with.
I agree as well Mary-louise and Nicole. Feeling free, truly free, is one of the best feelings. It is a horrible reality that we get caught up in ‘have to’s’ and ‘must do’s’ in life that hold us back from living and sharing ourselves ever so freely.
This is what we do in our relationships to, to be liked and seen. But it all comes at a cost if we are loving the love we truly are.
When everything falls away in a moment of deep stillness, it feels like a forever discovering. Wonderful to sit in that place and an ongoing challenge to be in it in daily life.
It might be easier to calculate, Rachel, how many of us are not hiding. I like Nicole’s “costume” chameleon but it could be anything actually. I could imagine that every person on this planet, safe few who are true and real, could have their “costume” like turtle or snail, hippo or koala etc. Pretty much everyone has their protective armor.
It makes sharings like Nicole’s even more precious. I would say Happy Birthday! To everyone who is going though the same process of transformation, coming back to the world in their true beauty.